#hmmm i wish i had a tag where i respond to things that are like not technically theirs

[mysicklove]

puppy yuuji in his nesting phase he steals ALL ur dirty laundry and wants you to lay in it with him so bad 😵‍💫 he spent so much time and effort into making his little nest the LEAST you could do is fuck him in it 🙁

gets all weirdly tense and surprisingly even a little snappish at you when he gets into his phase. he doesn’t mean to of course, he just wants everything to be perfect and it causes an unreasonable amount of stress on the poor puppy. so every time you ask for an article of clothing back, a low growl is let out and it surprises you, but he is nearly tackling you in the next second, yipping out apologizes and nuzzling his face into your neck. he wants you to like his nest, desperately so.

and so when he finally does show you the mess of clothing and pillows he seems to be practically hiding behind you, hands pawing at every inch of your body and clinging to you like he was afraid you would say something cruel about it. but the second you say how amazing it is, his tail moves at a rapid pace and he’s basically dragging you into the nest, wrapping his entire body around you and purring happily.

of course one thing does lead to another and yuuji seems to be practically glowing, face damp with sweat, but the biggest grin on his face. it is what he made it for after all

[ghuleh-witch]

Fandom: Ghost Rating: Explict Warnings: masturbation, sex toys, phone sex Relationships: Copia x female!Reader Additional Tags: established relationship, no beta WordCount: 1632 Summary: Copia has gone on tour but he left you a surprise.

Ao3 || Masterlist

“I left you a surprise”

Your brow popped up at Copia’s words. It was only the start of the second week of Ghost’s latest tour and you were going to be stuck at the ministry for the most part. Sister Imperator deemed your duties too important, resulting in you and the love of your life being separated for a couple of months. 

“What is it?” You asked, sitting up in the bed the two of you shared. You looked around the small bedroom, wondering where he could have put it that you wouldn’t have already noticed. “Where is it, for that matter?”

Copia chuckled, and your chest ached with how much you missed him. “I didn’t leave it out in the open. It’s inside my nightstand. You’ll see.”

You crawled to his side of the bed and opened the drawer. Inside were his usual things: his spare reading glasses, a copy of the Satanic Bible, a tube of lube, a box of condoms that the two of you bought then never used, and a large black velvet drawstring bag. You pulled the bag out of the drawer. It had some weight to it you noticed as you laid it on the bed. “This black bag?” You asked, putting the phone on speaker and setting it down so you could use both hands. 

“Si, open it,” he said, sounding almost giddy. 

You gently tugged on the strings and reached inside, your fingers wrapping around cool silicone. You pulled the object and discovered it was a cerulean blue dildo. The shape and size seemed familiar, and then it hit you. 

“Copia…is this your dick?”

A laugh came from the phone. “Si, I bought one of those kits…eh the one that lets you make a copy of your penis.”

“Clone-A-Willy,” you said. “Yeah, I know about those…but why? When did you even have time to do that?”

“A few weeks ago,” he said. “As to why…well, I knew we wouldn’t be together for a bit, so I wanted you to have something of me for the lonely nights. Don’t want you forgetting me, eh?”

“I could never forget you,” you laugh as you examine the toy. “Thank you though. It was very thoughtful. I wish I would have thought of something like this for you.”

“Bah, I don’t need anything,” he said. “I have my imagination, and all those naughty pictures you sent me.” 

You felt your cheeks heat, remembering the series of pictures you took of yourself after your shower the night before and sent to him.

“Did you touch yourself after you sent me those?” Copia then asked in a low voice.

“I–I…” you stammered, not expecting the question. 

He chuckled. “Because I did. I was almost late getting on stage last night, thanks to your little surprise.” 

You felt heat pool in the pit of your belly as you thought about him, locked in his dressing room with his cock in his hand and your pictures on his phone screen. You squeezed your thighs together and bit back the noise that was threatening to escape your lips. 

“You still there, amore?”

“Y-yeah,” you manage to say, your hand gripped tightly around the dildo. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” you said, an octave higher than normal.

“Hmmm,” he hummed. “Are you thinking about me getting off last night? Are you wet, amore?”

You let out a shaky breath. “I wish you were here,” you said, not wanting to admit to how damp your panties were. 

“But I am there,” Copia responded. “Well, sort of. We can take care of each other like this, cara. If you want to, that is.”

“I do,” you breathed. 

“Then lay back and relax,” he responded as you heard fabric rustling over the phone. “Imagine I’m there kissing you.” 

You imagined him next to you in bed, one hand holding your head as his lips moved over yours. “I love when you kiss me,” you said.

“And I love kissing you,” he said. “Now, feel my hands touching you. They’re slipping under your shirt and up your chest to those beautiful tits of yours.” 

Your own hand did what Copia said he was doing. You squeezed one of your breasts and teased the hardened nipple. After a moment, you sat up and peeled your loose-fitting t-shirt over your head. 

“Can you feel me, amore?”

“I can,” you breathed as you lay back, your fingertips trailing over your bare chest. 

“Good,” he said. “By now, I would have pulled your shirt and bra off and would be kissing you all over before working off your pants and panties.” 

You knew his method. He didn’t deviate much when it came to foreplay, so you could picture it clearly. He’d kiss down your neck and to your chest. His mouth would latch onto your nipples, giving them equal attention as he began to peel your pants and underwear off at the same time. As you envisioned it, you pushed down your shorts and panties, kicking them off so they fell to the floor with your shirt. 

“Are you naked now?”

“Yes,” you respond, your skin tingling with anticipation.

“Good girl,” Copia said. 

“What about you?” 

“Am I naked? Yes, cara,” he said. “I only have my socks—The ones with the little white rats on them. I’m all alone in my hotel room, wishing you were here with me.” There was a pause and you could hear him getting comfortable in his bed. “Now where were we? Ah, I just got all your clothes off, si?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good. You know what I’d do once I got you bare for me?”

“Hm?”

“Just look at you and tell you how beautiful you are.”

You felt your heart skip a beat and your body warm. 

“And then I’d go right back to kiss down your body until I was between your thighs,” Copia said. 

You let your knees fall open at that as your hand journeys to the apex of your thighs. “And then what?” You asked. 

“Then I’d taste you, amore, and oh, how sweet you’d taste.” 

“Fuck, Copia,” you groaned as your fingers began to tease your clit.

He laughed. “What?”

“You just can’t say that.” You can practically see him smirking through the phone as your fingers slowly circled your clit.

“It’s the truth,” he said. “If it were possible, I’d keep my face buried between your legs at all times.” A soft moan managed to escape your lips, and you heard his breath hitch. “Keep touching yourself,” he said. “But don’t make yourself cum yet.”

“Wh-what?”

“Shhh, let Papa take care of you,” he all but purred. “Take the dildo and run it up and down your clit like I do with the tip of my cock.” You heard him let out a muffled groan. “Fuck, amore, you feel so good.” 

You let out a small whimper, the pressure in your core building painful to the point you needed release. “Please,” you panted. “I need you.”

“I know, amore, I know,” he said, his voice breathy. “Can’t wait to be in you. Are you ready for me?”

“Yes, Papa,” you said, knowing what the use of his title would do to him

He let out a groan. “Good girl. Fuck yourself, amore, and let me know when you are close.” 

You slipped the dildo into your cunt, the girth and length all too familiar but still making you moan. “Copia,” you moaned as the toy bottomed out in you. “Feels good.” 

You pumped the dildo slowly in and out, picturing Copia above you as you did. It wasn’t quite the same as the real thing. Nothing would ever beat the real thing. You wished could feel his weight on you or smell his scent as he drove into you. The more you thought about him, the more turned on you became and lost in the feeling of thrusting the toy into your cunt. 

You heard him groan over the phone and knew he was fisting his cock as you fucked yourself. With your free hand, you began to rub your clit in time with the pace you had set. The coil of your core tightened as you heard Copia moan and mutter something in Italian. The lewd sound of his hand stroking his cock came through the line. You knew you wouldn’t be able to hold on for much longer.

“Gonna cum,” you panted.

“Me too,” Copia moaned. 

The image of him cumming, spurting ropes all over his fist and stomach sent you over the edge. You cried out his name as your body arched off the bed and your walls clamped down around the silicone. You could hear him groaning as he worked himself through his own orgasm. For a minute, there was nothing but the sound of your panting as you caught your breath. Then you heard him chuckle.

“That’s what I needed,” he said.

“Would have been nicer if I was there or you were here,” you hummed. “Next time, we turn on our cameras and you can watch.” 

“I’d love nothing more,” he rumbled. In the background of the call, you heard a knock on his door and some voices. “The ghouls are inviting me for dinner. I gotta go.”

“Okay,” you said softly, your mind still in a haze from your orgasm. “Text me before you go to sleep?”

“Of course, amore, always. I love you più della vita stessa (more than life itself),” he said with such tenderness.

“I love you too,” you responded in kind. “Have fun with the ghouls.”

He said a soft “Bye” before the call ended. You lay there for a moment just thinking about him before you decided to roll out of bed and clean up for round two.

[an-aphorism]

20 Qs for fic writers

Tagged by @ursae-minoris-world :D

1. How many works do you have on A03? 66 on my regular 31 on my dark account = 97 total

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 1,238,070.... oh my god

3. What fandoms do you write for? VLD, but I write the occasional fic for other fandoms when I want to read something and can't find it.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? - Wildhearted, Balancing Act, What hath night to do with sleep?, Influx, Like Animals We Play Pretend

5. Do you respond to comments? On occasion! I wish I could respond to all of them, but between my day job and writing, I already have the beginnings of a repetitive strain injury, so I do my best to minimize what my hands do unfortunately

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The monsters we create, basically just an angst fest

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of my fics are HEA. Hmmm maybe With your one wild and precious life, that one really centers around healing and finding happiness

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, actually. Even my dark stuff I think people are too intimidated by to comment lmao. I think I've gotten like 2 neg comments ever? And they just get autodeleted anyway.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? *stares at 500k word count on dark Ao3 account*

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Nope. Not against it, just haven't been inspired to

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Hmmm not that I'm aware of?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Many things with my favorite writing partner extra_nsfw

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? YALL KNOW ITS SHEITH

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? The Likeness. Could be such a fun idea but the inspiration ran away and hasn't been back. :(

16. What are your writing strengths? Atmosphere, feelings, and sex stuff. I come from a literary and poetry background so lyrical quality and vibes are like.. so my bread and butter and they're the things that are most often complimented too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue and continuity. I wrote spikemoss actually as a practice for dialogue because I have a habit of avoiding dialogue. I've gotten better over time, but it still sometimes just doesn't compare with some banger lines I've read by other authors. Continuity I'm bad at just because my brain can't hold all the details, but this is mostly fixed in draft edits :)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I will run the lines by a fluent speaker. But if I'm writing in English, I use other languages in text sparingly because you will lose some readers who won't know what's going on. It's a balance between representing cultures and the way people really do speak, and not slowing down the immersive experience by a reader having to translate paragraphs of text.

19. First fandom you wrote for? ever? Danny Phantom back way in the years that show was airing

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Spikemoss. It's my most impressive work to date and I'm really proud of it! I did some really great things in there and live-wrote it, so it was SO challenging to make sure I didn't drop any balls and get to where I wanted to go. It holds a special place in my heart!

Tagging anybody who wants to do this meme!

[grapecaseschoices]

OCs AS POISONOUS PLANTS

I was tagged by the ever talented @dakotawritesif

rules: create a look-book for one (or more) of your ocs using this meiker and then take this uquiz and share their results  

tagging:  @paptalk @kdelarenta @trebondialanna @aylaaescar @mt07131@quaxorascal  @quinnorion @likesomethingblooming @moderarato @solarisrenbeth @umbertors @anotherbeingsworld @roxaro @amlovelies @tuomniia @tangerineloves @dwead-piwate-meggers @mistyeyedbi @thee-morrigan @plasticdodecagon @horchatabun @thelittlestspider @yes-prisoner @karolinarodrigueswrites @coldshrugs @straightuppotato-art @agentnatesewell (no pressure ofc!) and anyone else interested!!  

(top left)  Alana Carita (she/her), lead singer of Promised Promises  for  @/infamous-if

Lily Of The Valley

This is the poison of giving too much. You feel yourself emptying out, dizzying, discoloring-- until you fear you will fade entirely and wither away. You have always had to give. You never had a choice before. They pluck your flowers for their beauty, they trample your leaves carelessly, they pull out your roots by the fistful and berate you for daring to grow. And now that you have a grove to spread out in, your rhizomes tangle and curl in on themselves. When cruelty is all you've ever known, thriving seems impossible. But the answer is not to make yourself small and offer every lovely thing you are to the world in the hopes it will have mercy on you. The answer is to let yourself dare to thrive for thriving's sake, to grow in the wild ways you wish to-- and to do that for yourself for once.  

(top right)  Hiyam Vinke (she/her), lead singer of the Vespas for @/infamous-if

Doll's Eyes (hmmm -- she got oleander too, a mix would be best.)

This is the poison of unchecked vices. You slip into hallucinations. You are wracked with convulsions. The delirium threatens to overwhelm you. What are you running from? You look in every direction, wild-eyed at every turn, seeking some reprieve from what torments you. Each vice brings new consequences, and the price of escape seems too great, and yet you cannot seem to face things head on. If you aren't running from yourself, I hope you find a true way to freedom soon. And if you are running from yourself, perhaps you would do well to realize your pain is not something you can simply escape by avoidance. You deserve healing just as much as the ones you love. Someday, soon I hope, you will know this and feel it and reach inward to grant yourself all the kindnesses you offer others. That is the only true way to peace for ones like us. Oh, and if the pain of it seems too great? I hope that you realize you don't have to do it alone.  

(bottom left)  Emile Ryan (they/them), one of my Keepers from @/keeperofthesunandmoon

Belladonna

This is the poison of falling in love. You taste it and your heart beats fast. Your eyes dilate, you fall into deep delirium. You may be a bit dramatic and impulsive, and it gets you into trouble sometimes, but you just can't help yourself. It's in your blood. You love because it is the truest beauty you've found in this harsh world. Even when it's hurt you before, when it's poisoned you, you still find a way. They may call you naive for still believing in it, or vain for making yourself and your surroundings so meticulously lovely. But to love like this is brave and noble, and I hope you find the beauty you seek. Chances are, it's within and all around you already, if you know where to look.

(bottom right)  Kendis Crawford-Louel (she/they), in way too many IFs.

Hemlock (hmmmmmmm ... they also got oleander the first time)

This is the poison of intense fear. Your body trembles, your flesh burns. Your limbs won't respond to you. You convulse. You can't seem to control the fear. It seems that it has always lived within you. You hesitate, you agonize, and that breeds regret. Sometimes it threatens to overwhelm you, and that frightens you more than anything. But panic is survival mode in overdrive, and something within you knows you must live. Creation seems to be the only balm for you. Perhaps you survive so stubbornly because you have stories that must be told, songs that must be sung. Soothe your stage fright. The path from surviving to thriving is having a good garden to grow in. And you can't do that completely alone.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

i was faux-tagged by @prosopopeya ! it was fun reading your answers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

147...damn

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

434,625

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now i only write "Men's Football RPF," but occasionally i have the desire to write in my previous fandom, and then never do.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

these are all a song of ice and fire/game of thrones fics from way back in the day

drabbles of ice and fire (does what it says on the tin)

captivated (arya/jaqen AU)

ends and beginnings (arya/jaqen university AU)

egg baby (arya/jaqen, au)

arya saves the day (arya/jaqen, the same university AU)

...as you might have guessed, i was THEE arya/jaqen BNF back then, lol. (if you have familiarity with the characters please note these are all AUs because arya is aged up in order to ship her)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try, i really do! comments just get my executive function so snarled up and i wind up forgetting.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

that's most of them. how am i meant to choose? it's hard for me to get through the end of "i tore off the golden branch" without crying even to this day. "like a song on repeat, nothing has to end" has some nice sad transfer window angst, and as i've said, the ending to "visited upon the sons" really slaps. is it cheating to say mare liberum?--that ending only exists on my notes app, and it's more "tragic" than angsty i guess.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh, hmmm. i wanna say... "5.VII." poor dejan, always fearing he'll somehow be alone and unwanted, not good enough, and in that moment at the end of the fic those worries leave him.

“So...that means...these things...These things we do together...” Dejan waits impatiently.  No, he’ll be honest with himself.  He’s waiting nervously.  “We’re just going to have to keep doing them forever, right, brate?”  Dejan lets go of the breath he’s been holding and as he does, he feels those wings again, stretching out from his shoulder blades and shaking themselves out and giving him an incredible lightness. He could float away right now with Šime in his arms. They could float away together.   “Yes. I guess we will.”

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, i think they're so poorly written or strange that they just don't get much notice. i did see some "piquira" people back in the day talk about how my fic "soy loca con mi tigre," where shakira pegs piqué (RIP) with sergio watching them on video chat, was "weird." god, it must be painful to be that boring

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

unfortunately yes. i think it's usually pretty straightforward, but maybe not blunt enough to be grimy-hot. i don't like anything flowery. i wish i could write some m/f from time to time, but i have too many gender issues to feel comfortable writing about an AFAB body in a sexual sense most of the time. i am trying to channel this discomfort into writing a fic where jamie jamie jamie takes franko out clubbing to drown his sorrows and they pick up some Girls it is what it is!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i used to with my ex, we had an amazing AU where we crossed over a million different punk/metal/alternative musicians with some other rpf type people. oh, and not to forget--my first ever footyfics were crossovers, lol.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i sure have! it was shameless as fuck. however, justice was served because my version got more kudos and comments, so i didn't even bother to start shit. as they say, she thought she ate!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, into russian, chinese, and persian. i have enough fics translated into russian on ficbook to have my own Author Page on there--a point of pride, because i love ficbook :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, many with said ex! i would love to do a collab again--anyone? hit me up

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

idk? rakidrić, šejan, movren, xhakarteta RIP, JAVEY from AFI, cersei/jaime, aged up!arya/jaqen. am i missing anything?

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

maybe my really long 'ivan rakitić coming of age' fic, where the running plot is "what is he doing to keep himself at barça even tho he's out of favor?" as you can see, it would be very outdated, plus it was never intended for a wide audience

16. What are your writing strengths?

not sure :/ characters' emotions, good use of repetition and parallelism (i like to think !) and good use of rhythm. i also think i write a good ending. my bff said "the way you describe love and loss is unlike anyone else" which i thought was nice!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot, pacing. good porn, being unfiltered (like--my writing feels too repressed lol)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

it has to make sense so it doesn't feel like tokenization or fetishization and can't be cheesy. the only time i think i was going to include actual multiple lines of dialogue in anther language (spanish), i then changed it so the fic didn't have it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the first like, true established fandom i wrote for was a song of ice and fire/game of thrones. before that i wrote a lot of bandfic, but mostly for bands and artists who didn't really have any fic or canons. like, 98% of it was private for just me and my ex, but a few of the pieces still exist online here and there.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i cannot pick favorites. there's so many reasons why something would be a favorite. and i have 147 fics on ao3! plus many things that aren't. plus my unpublished bandfic was some of my best writing. i don't know!

i almost wonder if it's "his return: a story of ghosts" which...i initially wrote as a fic but then changed it up. it was a "magical realism" au based on my undergrad senior thesis, lol. (the most common remark about it in my advanced creative writing seminar was "uh, it sounds like you know what you're talking about.") it's so imperfect, but writing it was SO much fun, and i had a whole soundtrack i listened to as i wrote, and then a few years ago i did a massive edit of it which was even more fun and it's still very imperfect and can't figure out why. i also don't like daniel's name but i named him after 2 ppl i knew at the time and now i can't change it, lol.

OH AND ALSO: granit's first flashback chapter in dangerous AU!

if you write fic, you are tagged, but i definitely tag: @new-berry @protect-daniel-james @fanficburner @purefractals @colorsofmyseason @bsaka7 @arsenalgbt AND ANYONE ELSE I FORGOT please do it if you see it!!!

[missmaywemeetagain]

Dear Miss Madisyn May,

I don't know if I totally understand how Gala's work, and when I don't understand something I usually hesitate and lurk around, but I've been following your's and worked up the nerve to send you a message. I first found Pink Scarf on A03, and it is something I go back and reread when I want cheering up or inspiration. Like so many I was immediately captivated by your writing and I love your newest fic Broken Glass and also the epilogues/one-shots/shorts you've written. I'm relatively new to active fandom, I have been a lurker for the last few years reading here and there, I feel like I came to fic late in life (32-33ish) and only just started writing it last fall. It has become one of my favorite pastimes and I wish I had found it sooner, but oh well.

I was wondering if you would be willing to share your own process for how you map out where your stories will go and how you work out plots, or find inspiration and work through writer's block, and/or honestly any advice you'd give someone starting out writing fic.

cheers,

norah

A little black-tie a little black-tie E and Frank ready for your Gala...

Dear Lil’ Miss Darlin’ Norah,

Firstly, I’m sorry this took me a million trillion years to respond to!! This is the sweetest and loveliest, and thank you for coming by to share and ask such a great question!! 💜 I, too, came to fic late(ish) and was also most definitely a lurker, so I can very much relate.

Oooh, boy, my writing process is a bit of a mess, honestly. I wish I could say that I was a super outliner/organized writer, but that’s just not who I am, and I think trying to be that writer got in my way for a very long time. I find that I get stifled if I’m outlining really specifically because my brain tries to lock everything in even if the story needs to go in another direction. So for me, I take more of an organic approach.

I tend to think in scenes or beats that I want to hit instead. Often, my ideas start from daydreams, so it’ll begin with a “scene” that I then want to build a story around. Sometimes that scene is really clear but may not happen for many chapters into a fic, so I have to figure out how I actually get my characters there. But giving myself time to daydream is one of the most important things to me as a writer. Usually when I’m having trouble figuring out a scene or arc or pushing through the writing, it’s often because I literally haven’t closed my eyes and laid down and let it play out in my head.

And inspiration can come from almost anywhere! Writing Elvis in particular, I’m heavily inspired by historical events and personal anecdotes. I love weaving real moments into my E fics!! There are honestly too many to count for PS.

For Broken Glass, Dolores came to me first as a character and I was like, “hmmm, that’s interesting,” and I am super fascinated by E’s health journey, so I was like, how do I put those together?

Songs are also often big sources of inspiration, like with Power of My Love and Without Love for PS. I try to consume a lot of media too, which gets my brain going—what I mean by that is the more I’m reading books and fics and watching shows/movies and listening to music, the more goes in my brain bank, so to speak.

I am by no means an expert, or even a professional writer (yet!), so this is just part of my process which (usually) works for me. Take of that what you will, but of course every writer is different and there is no one “right” way. I definitely struggle with perfectionism, and that tends to be my biggest source of “blocks” or frustration. So I’ve found that I just need to write. Practice. Get something on the page, even if it sucks lol! Cuz I’m always gonna go back and revise and tweak it anyway.

Anyway, I hope that’s helpful! Thank you so much for supporting my little stories and wishing you all the best in your writing adventures! 💜 Feel free to drop in my DMs if you have other questions or tag me in your works!

And I looooove me some black tie E and Frank!! To have been in that room…phew! 🥰😏🤩

💗 Madi

[daystarsearcher]

Thanks for the tag @envexenveritas. Saved it for the weekend when I had a bit more time and brainspace:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

88

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

481,422 (Damn, if I wrote this much on my original fic, I could have a second novel done by now)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Doctor Who/Big Finish and Holby. In the past I've written for Star Trek: the Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space, and I went through an intense Law and Order: Criminal Intent period in college.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The World Has No Place In Our Bed: Doctor Who, Kate/Osgood. You all love a fake marriage fic!

So Then This Happened: Doctor Who, Kate/Osgood PWP. There are things I'd change about the writing in this, but I guess you all like it!

Empty Spaces: Star Trek: the Next Generation, I looked at the whole Lal situation and decided to make it worse. People love being sad about Data, and who am I not to oblige?

Ghosts in the Machine: Doctor Who, TARDIS POV. One of my earliest fics and I still love writing her POV.

I Know My Sister Like I Know My Own Mind: Doctor Who, Kate/Osgood with Bonnie as the wingman. This was a fun one to write that I still have a soft spot for but kind of surprised to see it crack the top 5!

I do think it's very interesting how this differs when compared to comments. There's definitely a bias toward fluff for kudos (even the sad Data story ends on a hopeful note), while I get more comments on angst. (And I tend to get the BEST and most detailed comments on my absolutely unhinged stuff.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! But I try to give it at least a week before I respond. If I respond to one right away, then I'll feel guilty for not responding to others right away, and then it starts to feel like a responsibility rather than a fun interchange of ideas and gratitude, and I don't want it to feel like that! Anyway, that's more info than you needed about my OCD but that is why I take awhile to respond. I do adore comments and often reread them when I am feeling down.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm, I have been trending towards endings with a tinge of hope, so even though Two Birds in A Cage may be my darkest fic overall, I don't think it wins this. In my Osgood Must Suffer verse, Nor Yet Favor to Women of Skill ends in a really dark place with Osgood totally brainwashed, yet the sequel It's True the Girl They Speak of Died sees her reaching for recovery. Similarly, in the Modern U.N.I.T Infernoverse, The Pieces That Get Sacrificed ends on a dark note, but Chess sees the promise of working towards a better self.

I think we have to reach back to some of my earlier, more edgelordy work, like Snuggle for LO:CI, which is just an autopsy of the two main characters, or Goodbye to Ugly Words and Yesterday and Everyone You Knew and Were, which sees Odo losing every bit of his hard-fought individuality and identity. Oh, or Vermin in the Lower Zoo, my AU of an evil First Doctor, that's a pretty dark ending.

Oh, wait, no Plaything, my AU of Pyramids of Sutekh where I slowly strip away everything the Fourth Doctor loves. Oh wait, no, final answer: Careful the Wish You Make: Wishes Are Children, in which I do the same thing to Sarah Jane, but worse.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm, what makes an ending happier, the overall level of happiness or the contrast to the sadness or pain earlier in the story? I think this question is going for the former, so I'll say either Come to Me Softly, Come to Me Sweetly or The Completely True and Canon Story of Oswin Oswald Seduced Jo Grant, or Jo Seduced Her, or Something.

(Or if you want *waggles eyebrows* happy endings, maybe Respectful Discourse on Power Dynamics in the Workplace?)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really! I feel like I've maybe got one or two mean comments on a fic on FF.Net over the years, but nothing memorable. Edit: oh, I remember! One person got sooooo mad at my characterization of Goren and Eames in Give and Take. Sorry, buddy, people are going to have different opinions about characters than you and write porn about it!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Fuck yes I write smut. It's one of the great joys of my life. I write predominantly F/F these days, though I've written quite a bit of of F/M, and a sprinkling of threesomes. I've made liberal use of the BDSM tag, and I like things that play with power dynamics and trust.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

A few! One of my first fics was a cracky crossover, The Good Ship [Name of Ship]. I also did a LO:CI/X-Files crossover so Eames and Scully could have sex. It's not my favorite genre, but I'll do it for humor and/or smut.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of, but it would be a great honor!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really, but The Good Ship [Name of Ship] was written with the input of my best friend from high school, and she (with her fanfic author name) and some of her favorite characters do star in it. This is an important developmental stage for teen fic authors and I refuse to be embarrassed about it.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Impossible to choose. But have this handy summation:

Picard/Crusher, Odo/Kira, The Doctor/Sarah Jane, Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell: these ships changed me as a person and filled my heart to overflowing with yearning, making me believe in love across time and space and alternate universes

Kate Stewart/Osgood: I want the older authoritative one to top the shy nerdy one. A lot.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am fully committed to eventually finishing every WIP. That said, it has been over a decade since I updated Loyalty's Price and that one has some intense worldbuilding that I would have to recall or rebuild from scratch, so uh, don't hold your breath for any updates soon.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I feel good about my ability to replicate character voice and to situate emotions in the body as physical sensations.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My god, the amount of times characters speak hesitantly, as if their words are testing a fragile sheet of ice, or touch each other carefully, as if the other is wet paper that might tear, or a dozen other metaphors that my brain has just decided to go to constantly. You absolutely see this with published authors all the time so I don't feel bad about it, though, just amused at my dramatic-ass self.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not something that's come up a lot for me, but I would treat it the same as using another language in original work--seek out a real human to proofread, offer something in exchange for their time.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My first fic was a Star Trek: Nemesis fix-it fic written in a spiral notebook in high school.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

This changes all the time depending on what mood I'm in, but right now I quite like Chess.

Tagging @ktlsyrtis and @bonnissance if you're up for it!

[moondal514]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @decaflondonfog and @jaywalkers (thanks y’all, loved reading both of your thoughts. sorry I’m late doing this)

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

10 works (8 fics (one of which is a secret fic for @aftgthenandnow) and 2 original works)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

30,661 (not a whole lot but I’m working on it 😅)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

All For the Game is my main bitch but I also have fics published (or orphaned in some cases) for KinnPorsche, Romeo & Juliet, and BBC Merlin. It’s actually my default state to be a fandom hoe so I currently have active WIPs for All For the Game, BBC Merlin, Mo Dao Zu Shi, Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System, Word of Honor, Tian Guan Ci Fu, KinnPorsche, and a secret fandom for Yuletide

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

leave or stay (i’m invisible here) (KinnPorsche, Kim/Chay, 4k, T)

secret @aftgthenandnow fic

sometimes i wish i kept some of my feelings in the basement (All For the Game, Andrew/Neil, 6k, M)

A Damned Saint, An Honorable Villain (Romeo & Juliet, Benvolio/Tybalt, 3k, M)

No Stranger To the Wind (All For the Game, Andrew/Neil, 10k, T)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to comments, mostly just cuz I like thanking people or engaging in conversation with them if they leave a neat comment. But I’m (happily) not exactly a popular writer, both cuz I’ve only just started posting fic and also cuz the subject matters and/or fandoms I tend to write for can be pretty niche, so it’s easy for me to have the energy to reply to all the comments I get

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I guess prob Prayers or A Damned Saint, An Honorable Villain. Both have kind of depressing open endings

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Prob Belonging cuz it’s mostly just found family fluff

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I’ve never gotten hate before and I really hope I never do cuz I would cry

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lol no. Most I’ll do is a fade-to-black pg-13-type of thing or innuendo

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do write crossovers but I haven’t ever finished writing any of them, just a couple fandom fusions (No Stranger To the Wind is the All For the Game characters existing in the universe of Cinda Williams Chima’s The Seven Realms series). The craziest one that I’ve ever outlined though was a BBC Merlin/Voltron crossover where after Lancelot walks through the Veil, he’s reincarnated as Voltron’s Lance McClain 😂 (I may or may not have been very inspired by Trust Me, I'm an Alchemist by metisket)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No and I hope I never do cuz that’s such an insanely disrespectful and shitty thing to do

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I would be thrilled to have any of my fics translated…so long as the translation is hosted on ao3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

My best friend helped me out with the kissing scenes in sometimes i wish i kept some of my feelings in the basement so that’s about the closest to co-writing I’ve ever gotten. I’d love to fully co-write with someone one day though

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Hmm difficult question. It’s hard for me to have an all-time favorite ship cuz my favorite ship is usually going to be whoever holds the spot of brainrot of the moment. As I currently don’t have a single ship that’s taking the cake rn, I’m going to say Andreil because they hold the record for longest time of being brainrot of the moment for me (19 months, which I know doesn’t sound like a long time but you have to consider that it’s my default state to be in a lot of fandoms at the same time, so the fact that I was for the most part only focused on AFTG for a sizable period of time is highly unusual for me). I have to give a shout-out to Merthur though cuz they’re responsible for turning my fandom participation from passive (solely reading fic) to active (actually writing fic and engaging with fandom communities…that is to say Merthur was part of the driving force behind me creating this tumblr, though Andreil is the ship that got me to actually start posting lol)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

So I’ve got this AFTG Hunger Games au that I’ve been unable to write because every time I sit down to try to write something for it, I get a new idea to add to my outline for the au and then next thing I know I’ve done no actual writing and I’ve just made the outline longer. And now I just stare at the monster of an outline I’ve made and get too intimidated to write the fic cuz it’s just soooo long. And I don’t like posting fics unless I know they could stand on their own (even if they’re a part of a series) so the likelihood of me ever posting anything for this au is becoming sadly less and less likely as time goes on

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’m not sure actually. Prob characterization cuz that’s usually what I get complimented on the most in fics

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

1000% dialogue. Every bit of dialogue I’ve ever written has been an excruciating process where I hold the screen with a death grip and ask “would he/she/they fucking say that????” I hate writing people talking so much, it’s just exhausting for me, especially in a large group setting, which is prob why my default type of fic to write is usually a short introspective character study of some sort 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I would never do it myself cuz unfortunately I’m a lame American who is only fluent in English, but I love reading it in other fics (…if it’s done well cuz I’ve seen some very cringey and awkward instances of multilingual dialogue in fic over the years)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The 1st fic I ever wrote that I posted on ao3 was for BBC Merlin (which I’ve since orphaned cuz the fic is kinda cringe). But before that, I took a creative writing class and our 1st writing assignment was essentially write a fanfiction (the prompt was literally “write a variation on an existing story”). I chose to write a story inspired by Monsta X’s DRAMARAMA music video and accidentally used the names of 2 guys in my class for the main characters (in my defense, it was the 1st week of class and the names were very generic American boy names). So I guess technically that was my 1st fanfiction 😂

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

sometimes i wish i kept some of my feelings in the basement. I really popped off with that one. It’s the only fic of mine that I actively reread for fun and I’ve been trying to replicate whatever was in the water when I wrote that fic ever since

No pressure tagging (apologies if you’ve already done this I haven’t been keeping track 😂): @seasy33 @bisexualbard @quensty @nanatsuyu @justadreamfox @worldenough-and-time @kairospy

[littlerit]

I apologise for the asks in my inbox I’ve still not answered. This just happened to be in my activity box when I’d just finished writing so I have the luxury (or lack of excuses…) of being sat at a desk with my keyboard to hand….

Ta for the tag Clem <3

I have 33 works on AO3

Total AO3 wordcount is around 250k I think….. *checks* 278,324 words!

My top 5 fics by kudos…. Yo, I heard him everyday (Encanto oneshot), my very first fic Quake (Umbrella Academy, complete multichapter), my long fic baby The Time Traveller’s Life (Umbrella Academy, 170k WIP), my other will-hopefully-grow-up-into-a-longish-fic Obedience Suite (in A minor) (Umbrella Academy, 30+k) and finally Five’s first displacement (Umbrella Academy oneshot - prologue to TTL)

I do respond to comments! I love getting comments, and I love responding to them. You’ve shared your reaction with me, I want to share my reaction to your reaction! (or at the very least say thank you and let you know I read your comment!) I’ve fallen into the habit now of generally responding to comments on a previous chapter when I upload the next one.

What fic has the angstiest ending…. hmmm…. Farewell and The Hunt both ends in character death, and by default Five in the Apocalypse Sob Stories are all angsty AF

Ooh the happiest ending. Of Ghoulies and Spoons is just fluff, and The Tails of the Umbrella Aquarium has an angsty start and a happy ending

Do I write crossovers? I certainly write AUs / Fusions, those are my jam. For the Umbrella Academy I’ve done Daemon AU, Howls Moving Castle (would this class as a retelling perhaps, putting TUA characters into the HMC world and adapting it to fit?), and Ella Enchanted AU, and of course a Time Traveller’s WIfe AU. Have I writtena strict crossover where characters from two universes meet and interact? No.

I got a book mark on TTL with a trollish note (‘Zzzzzzzzz’) - they had gone through a bunch of fics and given them rude comments. But thats the worst of it.

I do not write smut.

Not that I know of. I hope not.

Somebody once asked if they could translate my fic, but then never responded or let me know if they actually did or not, so I don’t think so.

I have co-written a fic, Klaus’ moving castle with the wonderful @destinyandcoins

My fave ship…. I do read a lot of Zukka. Also ineffable husbands.

A WIP I want to finish but never will….well never say never. I hope to finish all my WIPS I’ve got up as WIPs. But I did post the start of a Everyday AU and labelled it clearly as free for adoption / inspiration as I just don’t see me having the time to ever really get going with that one. But who knows, it could happen.

My writing strengths… Complex timelines and time-travelling shenanigans. My devious mind and organisation skills combine nicely for that. I also can turn my hand to a mean drabble when the inspiration strikes.

Writing weaknesses…I can go pages and pages without including dialogue. I need to remember people do really be saying things to themselves/each other.

Thoughts on dialogue in other languages on AO3… it very much depends on the context for me. The odd word or phrase used sparingly for effect can really aid in and elevate characterisation or world setting for me. But it can be a fine line between an effect and a gimmick. When long dialogue is written out and then translated for me as the reader I personally wish it was just left in english and clarified in the speech tag that it was said in Spanish/Elvish/Whatever-ish.

The Umbrella Academy was my first fandom, and I’m still there now!

I have written a short oneshot for Avatar Last Airbender, but there is a longfic idea bouncing around my brain (another AU….lol) that would be nice to get out one day. I’d also kind of like to write for Temeraire, but I’m really not sure I could nail that old english voice. I am far too modern I think!

The Time Traveller’s Life is my baby. I’ve put so much work into that one. But I have other favourites too for other reasons. But forced to pick, it’s TTL.

@rockinlibrarian @destinyandcoins @booksasfurniture *mild panic as sleepy bedtime brain tries to remember who writes* @in-a-slanted-outhouse @candiliam328 @aye-of-newt …… if you fancy it, crack on, and if you don’t please ignore :)

Author Interview

(This was originally a tag meme that Mod Ragna was tagged in ages ago, so feel free to tag others if you answer it!)

How many works do you have on AO3?

What's your total AO3 word count?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

What fic has the angstiest ending?

What fic has the happiest ending?

Do you write crossovers?

Have you received hate on AO3?

Do you write smut?

Have you had a fic get stolen?

Have you had a fic get translated?

Have you co-written a fic?

What's your fave ship?

What's a WIP you want to finish but never will?

What are your writing strengths?

What are your writing weaknesses?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages on AO3?

What's the first fandom you wrote for?

What fandom/ship have you not written but want to?

What's your fave fic you've written?

[medicasino]

fuck it i’m making a character with obsessive tendencies towards people who isn’t a stalker/creepy because i Said So. who’s gonna stop me? God?

[spikesbimbo]

Soft sex pt.1   pt.2

-MSBY

Tags: cuddle fucking,cockwarming, morning sex, big dick!meian, bath sex, makeup sex, praise kink, hurt/comfort, pussy job

a/n: vanilla is not something to be ashamed of, its way more common than you think, you don't need to be doing kamasutra every night to keep the spark. none of that daddy shit in this. Srry : /

i also don't proofread, i h8 reading works right after i finish them, so let me know if anything's wrong.

NO KINKY FREAKY ASS SHIT 

**ONLY SOFT SEX BEYOND THIS POINT**

18+ Minors DNI

-Hinata

….Morning... sex. mmhmm

He could usually control his morning wood

But after being gone for so many days, finally coming home to see you, it was impossible

You woke up after you heard a few groans, feeling him rut into your back, turning over to see his face flushed and cheeks red, whether it be from getting caught or his activities 

So you decide to help him as a good s/o should

But you're also tired… 

So you just pull your pants off and tell him to go at it, not too rough because you had to work in the afternoon.

-

“Baby, you okay?” you faintly asked, turning around, eyes trying to open after hearing him make some noises. You hated when people disturbed your sleep, which you oh so loved, but your boyfriend was an exception, sometimes.

But what you didn't expect when you opened your eyes was catching him, red faced, with his hand in his boxers trying to make it stop. Looking like he was in a lot of pain, so your quick mind got on it, not wanting to see his face in any more discomfort.

“Here” you said, shuffling your back into him while pulling down your panties, setting your ass on his bulge, grinding a little to get him to hurry up. Knowing this was the only way you could take care of him.

“You sure?” he asked already putting his cock into you being needy as ever, which indeed you thought was cute in way but him stretching you out made you respond by pushing yourself even more against him, bottoming out which both of you let out some moans and curses, softly saying them as he wrapped his arms around your torso, giving you a minute before he started moving.

“S-shoyo”  you quietly gasped, holding onto the pillow as he pushed himself into you trying to close your eyes and relax, slowly but restlessly, getting deeper in you with every thrust. Leaning back into him his arm now moving around your chest, angling himself to where it felt good. 

His thrusts felt agonizingly slow, teasing almost, as he shoved his face into your shoulder, groaning how good you felt. “fuck, baby m’gonna cum.” he whined out. The pressure in his hips getting stronger with you clenching around him.

‘s’okay, hurry up and cum baby” you cooed, feeling him grow in you, wanting him to feel good, moving your hips back to catch his. “fuck-k” he finished, the warmness spreading into you, some dripping out onto your legs, slipping on the bed.

“You good now?” you giggled after some time, him finally sporting a smile instead of a frown. “thank you...” he shyly muttered out, turning you around to face him, wanting to see your pretty face.

“Can u wake me up at 3?” you asked, giving yourself another hour to get clean. Already being put back because you had to come in earlier today.

“Yeah cutie.” he said, putting it on his phone, you too worn out to do anything but stay still, now facing him while he snuggled into your chest, his head right under yours, finally getting the rest you deserved.

-Atsumu

You were a sensitive little thing, loving how rough and needy he got with you.

But sometimes you needed a break, it hurting too much leaving you sore.

But you're also a fiend for him okay?

who wouldn't be?

Jumping on him every hour of the day.

So you go and straight up, atleast try to, tell him that you want him to be easier with you.

But you were also embarrassed of it, being so needy for him, also not wanting his ego to get any higher than it was,  due to you basically you telling him you needed him everyday.

And he's like ok!! on it (¬‿¬)

-

“What wrong pretty girl, hmmm?” he asked, pulling your waist closer to him, dragging his hand on your upper thigh, fingers finding the outline of you panties under that skirt you were wearing. Him wondering why you looked so distraught just walking up to him.

“Tsumie” you said ignoring his question, bringing up your own, trying your best to get it out only for it to get caught in your throat.

“Hmm?” he responded turning all his attention on you, his gaze making you even more nervous.

“I- um... was just wondering if you could- ya know....bealittlemoregentlenexttime?” you said, muttering the last part out, hoping he understood and wouldn't inquire any further. 

He paused for a minute, taking in what you just said, glad that you were comfortable enough to express your thoughts around him, pulling you closer until his face was to your chest, looking up at you with his eyes glistening due to the reflection of the lamp in them. “Right now princess?” he smirked much softer than he usually did.

“Here baby. You're gonna come with me, and i'm gonna take good care of you...real good care of you.” he said, playful traces underlying his words, getting up from his chair while picking you up with him, hands under your thighs already causing a problem. Yes you loved dom, rough atsumu but when he was sweet and gentle, that was a whole nother story, as you could prove right now.

He gently laid you on the bed, taking all your clothes off, kissing all over you until you were wet enough, before attempting to “test” you with his fingers. To which you whined in protest, wanting him in you right now, wanting to feel his warmth inside and out of you.

He positioned himself on top of you, listening to whatever you wanted, fully settling himself inside after sometime, giving you time to adjust to him. He started moving his hips back and forth, his view of you beneath him being picture perfect, as you could say them the same before leaning down into you, muttering words of praise and affection in your ears. The only sound you responded with was moans and cries, but the look in your eyes, the look of want and need, the baseline for love, told him what he wanted to hear, but it wasn't enough.

“Thank you for putting up with me, you know i love you, huh? tell me baby.” he said not rushing you wanting you to feel at ease with him “Tell me you know i love you” he finished, desperate undertones in his words, looking at you with those big sweet eyes.

“I-i know you... love- me.” you choked out, his soft thrusts still hitting you deep, knocking on your cervix, but it felt so good; being in eachothers arms,  hitting all the right spots, his breath in your face entangling with yours, feeling more connected than ever. Before you knew it the two of you had finished more than once, now resting in eachothers arms, a 

“You feel good baby? He asked, an airy smile plastered on his face, you trying to do the same moving closer to him so he could hear you, arms still wrapped around each other.

“yeah.”

 -Kiyoomi

You loved him so much, even when he was a meanie

And he did the same, internally grateful that he was lucky enough to get someone as sweet as you.

Which is why he was making up for the argument he started earlier today.

Not meaning anything he said, just stressed and taking it out on you : ( not knowing how to apologize with words.

So he does what he knows you love, but you never ask him bc you don't want to bother him. 

You loved him touching you and vice versa, but you respected his wishes and only did it when you two were alone, even holding back in private too, not wanting to bother him.

So he gives you want you want, a physical form of an apology, another way to express his feelings. 

-

“shh..” he tenderly mumbled into your ear, the one he’d been kissing on for the past few minutes, the sloppiness of it that you loved. Your chest to his back, being completely nude with your legs spread open, one of his hands pinching your nipple while grabbing the rest of the flesh around it.

The sweat and tears adoring your face, masked in pleasure, trying your best to look up at him only to receive a kiss on the head.  

“Yoomi~”  you sofly cried, clinging on your hands back onto the fabric of his shirt, the one that he got back from his press conference in, the one that he came back in a bad mood, immediately taking it out on you.

His thumb played with your clit, two of his long fingers sliding in as well, leaving you more of a mess then you were already in, his voice accompanied, encouraging you to. He curled his fingers into you, not roughly but hard enough to make you feel it. Your other hand shakily grabbing onto the arm he was blessing you with.

You were such a sweetheart for him, an angel he thought. As soon as you walked in the room he could swear he saw a halo around your head, looking at you long enough to where he could bask in your beauty, but short enough to where you couldn't tell.

Sometimes he felt like he didn't deserve you, being such a bad boyfriend that can't attend to your “needs”, feeling like a dead weight on you. But the way you followed him around like a lost puppy, expressing your love for him in ways you knew he would like reassured him that you were the one.

“-omi” you moaned, legs now shaking, holding them in place with his arm, his fingers working faster while his hand was still cupping your breast squeezing it every once in a while.

“Come for me love.” he warmly mumbled into your ear, taking a break from kissing down your neck, his marks accompanying the glistening of your skin, being the prettiest sight in his eyes. You freezed up in his arms, finally letting go of his shirt, your head rolling back as far as it could. You ultimately getting the both of you dirty, your cum being now a puddle beneath you two, not having the energy to fret about it.

He lets you rest in his arms after your high, lightly resting his head on top of yours, giving it another kiss, gently holding you leaning into you before whispering a faint “Im sorry.”

-Bokuto

This is regular occurrence for you two

Yes, he fucks the shit out of you, but lovingly < 3

You two always express your love for each other through touch, being intimate leaves to you in a daze.

But after he wins a game and sees you in the crowd so excited, a big smile appears on his face, feeling grateful to have you in his life.

He shows you how much he appreciates you

-

“i love you....so much” he said, dragging your clothes off, eyes following you like a needy puppy, his shirt hanging on by one of his arms still in it, the rest of him naked. 

You could only giggle in response, taking off the bra yourself, seeing that he was trying his hardest too, not wanting to take any longer. “Ko, baby what about you?” you said referring to his state letting out another laugh. His hair even more messed up from taking off his hoodie faster than  you've ever seen, looking like a little kid trying to dress themselves.

“baby.” you murmur, your hands landing on the sides of his face, into your space, trying to bring him back to reality for a second. “I'm always gonna be here, always... so you can take your time” you finished, seeing he finally took your suggestion as he stood up.

He took off his shirt, now being fully naked for your eyes to admire. But before you could let your hands touch his chest he grabbed them, softly pulling you into his lap, wrapping his big arms around you while letting his head rest on your shoulder.

You got the hint and relaxed as he lined himself up with you, moving his head so that he could see before pushing himself inside trying to hold back his eagerness. “feel good?” he asked thrusting in you a little, the blush covering his cheeks as he held your body closer. 

“yeah...feels so good.” you faintly whined out. “...only you could make me feel this way” 

His big frame melted into yours as he started moving, your words being music to his ears, his slow strokes making you feel his need. You leaned your head on his shoulder too, slightly moving your hips with his, wanting to feel him even deeper.

His hands moved to your ass and the top of your back, gripping them firmly against his soft movements, letting out moans as he felt you clench around him, the soft flesh being the only thing  keeping him grounded. 

“F-fuck baby” he started before you cut him off with a “shh, you can cum.” trying your best to seem stable with the way he was fucking you, bouncing on him, hitting those seep spots over and over.

You felt him release, the wetness dripping down your thighs falling onto his, hearing a few curses and moans along with it, giving you puppy dogs eyes asking if you'd let him fuck you again, and of course you couldn't say no.

He kept you in this position for the rest of the night so he could hear all the words of affection, the praise you said he deserved, moaned into his ear. The scratch marks and bruises being the only physical trace left, reminding him of the love you two shared.

“You did great bo.” you said with a smile, sitting in his lap, eyes fluttering as you feel asleep along with him. His grip on you was still tight, kissing you on the forehead, his way of letting you know how much he loved you.

-Meian

Date night yayyyy

Anyways, he’s admiring how beautiful you are, thanking the gods for giving you to him

And he wants to show you how much he worships the ground you walk on, taking it nice and slow, as usual, but this time it would stay like that.

Even if he tries to be gentle with you its still gonna hurt for a min.

Poor baby :’ (

But its okay cause he’ll dote on you and coo in your ear of how good of a girl you are for taking him. :  )

-

“Please, meian.'' you whined, grabbing onto his chest, sweaty skin linking you two together, thighs connected to his hips. Rubbing your bare self on his length, the lace panties you had on being long gone, tossed somewhere on the floor.

He couldn't keep his eyes off of you the whole night, the outfit you had on hugging you just right, the skin peeking out every so often, his hands wondering all over you to your obvious enjoyment; and on the ride home he couldn't keep his eyes off your lips. The gloss shining bright in the streetlights, your natural pout shaping your pretty little face, so innocent, reminding him of all the times you weren't.

“shhh... its okay, I got you angel. We can take it slow, okay?” he said already reading your mind, knowing how his pretty girl thinks, holding your weight making sure you didn't slide down him too fast.

He let you do whatever you wanted to your heart's content, it was always about you, he'd always go along with what you wanted, never doing anything you didn't. You wanting to ride him out of the blue, wanting to take it at your pace. He was more than happy to provide, you usually letting him do whatever he wanted to you, its only right that he returned the favor.

“You good doll?” he groaned, only the tip being in you right now, trying to accommodate his size, even though you were wet from him jumping on you the minute you walked through the door. His hungry eyes not leaving you once, picking you up while shoving his lips on your soft ones, hands raking through your clothes, his hands pulling them off till you only had your panties on.

“Ease up baby, look... “ he stated, his grip on your hips with his big warm hands making you melt into his touch, distracting you from your end goal. “m’sorry... im trying to go faster” you let out, a few tears following while you froze in place. Your mind racing with the thoughts of this not feeling good for him, only you, instant regret flooding your train of thought.

“No, no, no angel,” he started worriedly, wanting to take care of you as he should, leaning up against the bed frame now being face to face with you. “its all about you okay? don't worry doll it feels good for me too, I'm not as impatient as i seem” he said, a slight laugh accompanying him trying to lighten the mood.

“here, lemme move all the way inside you, then you can do whatever you want alright.” he somewhat asked. You nodded, holding onto his shoulders as his hands and hips moved, slowly filling you up, now trembling in his grasp. The stretch making you whine, feeling his balls against your ass, already rutting into him letting out a few moans while he leaned back, thinking you were the most precious thing he's ever seen, a slight smirk now on his face.

“Alright angel, im all yours now.”

© all content belongs to spikesbimbo. do not alter or repost .

[westcoastrry]

Can’t Help If This Is Us

Hello friends. I’ve worked super hard on this fic. I’m not a fast writer so this took my while and I’m super happy with the way it turned out! Special thank to my bestie @harryforvogue​ . I wouldn’t know how to spell or about even write if it wasn’t for her so thanks you ugly fart face.

Also I wrote this entirely for free so all I ask is for feedback. I would really appreciate it and would love to hear your thoughts!

literally mate please let me know your thoughts. PLEASE. I beg.

WARNING: there is smut in this and mentions of the mafia.

I hope you enjoy reading Kiara and Harry’s story as much an I enjoyed writing it. 11.5k words

A fic about Kiara, a normal girl who works at a coffee shop in the upper east side of New York, where she meets Harry. A man who is caught up in a job he doesn’t want but is working hard to craft a better life for himself.

Fuck me like you wanna make love

Call me when you wanna stay in touch

Lie together just to gain trust

Say what you wanna say, can't help if this is us

Moving to New York was a fresh start for Kiara.

It’s only been a couple of months, but she has grown accustomed to the city.

She has an apartment in a not-so-great part of town, but it is close to her University, and the view from her balcony isn’t too bad. She is a coffee connoisseur, so when her pregnant friend and neighbor, Trina, helped her get a job at a cafe on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, how could Kiara truly not make the best of her newfound city life?

“An Americano please?” a deep British voice asserts.

Kiara’s cleaning off the steamer about an hour into her morning shift when the man with long chocolate curls speaks to her. Kiara has been working here for a month, and some very high profile people have come to the shop, but Kiara has never seen this man, but he sure looks important. He is in a suit, all black, and the only accessories are the multitude of rings he has on his fingers. The rose one catches her eye first, then the big gold H.S letter rings. Those are his initials? What is the point of that? Is this man obsessed with himself?

“Americano?” he says more lightly, snapping Kiara out of her thoughts.

“Sorry, I- Americano,” Kiara stutters.

Kiara isn’t one to get easily flustered, but how can she not be when this six-foot sexy man was towering over her in a suit, asking for black coffee.

Only real men drink black coffee.

She works around the machine expertly until the man’s voice interrupts her. “You’re new here?”

“Yeah,” she responds, swiping a curl off her forehead. Managing her naturally curly type four hair in the bipolar New York weather has been a challenge. Most days, she wears her thick hair in a bun, or when she can afford to get it done, box braids. “Started working here a month ago.” Kiara hands him the coffee in a brown to-go cup.

“Hmmm. I’m here all the time. I’m sure I would have noticed a new pretty employee.”

“Guess I’m not all that pretty then,” Kiara fires back, handing him a receipt with a pen to sign.

Harry doesn’t really know what to say to that because he actually does find Kiara pretty. He likes that her face is an even brown color with a few beauty marks. He likes the color of her light brown hair, and he really likes the sound of her voice. It’s sort of angelic, even when she is snapping at him.

Harry smugly hands Kiara his hefty card (the first indicator that this man has money) and signs the receipt. He drops some cash on the bill.

“That’s your tip. By the way, I do think you’re pretty.” His eyes flick down to her name tag. “Kiara.”

Kiara rolls her eyes at the man. He probably walks around life getting everything handed to him because he’s rich, white, and hot.

Screw him and his stupid cute dimple, Kiara thinks to herself. She goes to grab the receipt he signed and see’s two fifty-dollar bills stacked on each other.

Her mouth forms into an “o” shape. A hundred dollars on a three-dollar coffee? What sense does that even make? This had to be a mistake.

“Hey Kiara, are you okay?” Trina, who’s waiting tables today, asks. She has her brown apron tied over her baby bump with a few crumpled receipts and pens tucked in the pockets.

“I just got tipped a hundred dollars,” Kiara says, still shocked.

“You go, girl!” Trina enthusiastically shouts. “Who was it? A regular?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never seen him before. Brown curly hair, dressed in a nice black suit-”

“Oh, that’s Harry,” Trina smiles. “Everyone loves Harry. He is a cutie. Been getting coffee here for a long time. He owns the strip club down the street.”

“I’m sorry. The dude owns a what?”

“A strip club bar type thing,” Trina shrugs. “Very fancy. It’s pretty much only for the elite. He is super nice. Everyone loves him here! He bought me a crib and this fancy high-tech stroller when he found out I was pregnant.”

“Yeah, well, he is kinda a dick if you ask me,” Kiara mutters under her breath.

“He tipped you a hundred dollars, and you’re calling him a dick?” Trina curiously questions.

“He called me pretty! And he had this arrogant ambiance to his voice. And what is with all the rings? It’s tacky.”

Trina places her hands on her hips.“Oh, just say you find the man hot! It’s okay to admit you find Manhattan’s most eligible and rich bachelor hot. I don’t blame you. I would get on it if I wasn’t thirty and pregnant.”

“I’m not admitting anything. Besides, I don’t have time for men. Men just cause problems.”

“Oh, you're telling me?” Trina points to her bulging belly. Kiara snorts at her friend and starts to walk away to grab more coffee beans from the storage, and Trina follows closely behind her. “You need to have some fun! Loosen up. Get your head out of that textbook. You have been living next to me for three months, and I haven’t seen you invite not one boy over! I know that vibrator you use is tired.”

Kiara grabs the box of coffee beans and turns back around to face Trina. “My vibrator is doing me just fine.”

Kiara’s whole life has been centered around academics. She was a really smart kid growing up. She had a good start to life too. However, Kiara’s wholesome childhood took a turn at twelve when her Dad died in a car accident. The accident was horrific for her entire family, but it hit her mom the worst. Her mom went from being a well respected physician's assistant, to being a drug addict, and Kiara had to grow up at the tender age of twelve just to take care of her mother. Around the age of fourteen Kiara’s mom got shipped off to rehab, and she ended up weaving in and out of foster homes until she was eighteen. Kiara realized that she never wants that to happen to her future family. She has been working hard on her academics because she hopes to have a stable income, so she can give her future kid the life that she never had.

It’s not like Kiara didn’t want to go and mingle around. Meet a new guy, have a one-nightstand, maybe even possibly fall in love. However, the dating scene as a brown skin woman in a whitewashed part of the city isn’t as easy as it sounds. Kiara doesn’t teeter the line of looking ethnically ambiguous. She is clearly a Black girl. Caramel skin, tight curls, full lips, and wide hips. Kiara likes these traits that she carries. In fact, she loves them, but men don’t. Specifically, men that aren’t her race. Not to mention that Black men are hard to come by in this particular part of city.

The simple fact is most white men don’t like Black women.

It’s even arguable that Black men don't even like Black women.

And Kiara is okay with that. She doesn’t need to be approved by a bunch of white people, nonetheless ones with penises. She just wishes she had more options to date within her race, or at least find someone who genuinely liked her.

Maybe that’s the reason why Kiara doesn’t want to go out and find a man to have some fun with. She knows he’s going to be white, and she will have to endure hundreds of questions about her race and her hair or meet racist parents, and she has done that all before.

So, for now, instead of explaining this to Trina, her very white friend, she will just blow off her questions about why she isn’t sleeping around or why she doesn’t entertain the idea of going to bars to find cute boys.

+++

The next day Kiara is off work. She spends her day sitting in her bed, in red pajama shorts and her university sweater, studying for her midterm. She got through quite a bit but is still a little worried about not getting an A. About an hour into her studying, she hears bickering from Trina’s apartment.

“I don’t know what you are being so shy about. Just ask her! You are great with girls.”

“No, I’m great at fucking girls. Trying to establish a genuine connection, I haven’t done that in a while.”

“I believe in you! Now go!”

Knock

Knock

It’s another guy that Trina has been trying to set Kiara up with. Trina does this about every other month. Very rarely does Kiara entertain the idea and sleeps with them, because she is bored, but it usually doesn’t go further than that.

Kiara opens the door to her apartment and there stands Harry. He is holding a boutique of red roses in one hand, and his other is behind his back. The suit he is wearing today is slightly different. Same silhouette, but this time the suit is brown. Kiara finally gets a good look at this man, and fuck.

Green eyes, full bright pink lips. Wide shoulders and defined biceps that show he does work out but isn’t a gym rat.

Gucci loafers. Now, this is an interesting man.

“What are you doing here?”

Harry nervously gestures to the flowers in his hand. “I brought you this.”

“You just came here to bring me flowers?”

“I also brought you this,” Harry pulls his hand from behind his back and shows a bottle of wine he got when he went on a business trip in Napa. He was saving the wine for a special occasion, like the next time he would go visit his mom, but this is more than a special occasion in Harry’s eyes. He is trying to swoon this girl.

Kiara smiles at him and grabs the wine bottle. If it’s one thing Kiara has learned in her adult life is that she loves wine. She usually only gets the cheap stuff from the liquor store down the street, but Kiara has never seen this bottle before.

She walked to her kitchen, leaving Harry staring at her dumbfoundedly. She pulled out two wine glasses from her kitchen cabinet.

Normally Kiara wouldn’t entertain this. Especially since she has a test to study for. However, she can’t lie and say she hasn’t been worked up...sexually.

“Alright, you brought me wine. You are welcomed in.”

Harry follows her inside the apartment, feeling a bit awkward. Usually, Harry never found himself at a girl’s place. He always took his one-night stands back to his house and had his assistant, Trevor escort them out in the morning.

Harry was nervous because this wasn’t a one-night stand. This was him bringing wine and flowers to a girls’ apartment, which he barely knows.

Just like Kiara, Harry also hasn’t been in the dating scene in a while. He has been busy with work, and it’s not easy what he does.

“So why did you come all this way to bring me wine?” Kiara asks Harry, pouring some wine into a glass and handing it to him. “I know you don’t live in this part of the city.”

“I don’t.” Harry sits on the barstool by the kitchen countertop. “I told you I thought you were pretty. Nice place, by the way.”

Kiara looks for the sarcasm on Harry’s face when he compliments her one-bedroom apartment but doesn’t find any. Kiara’s apartment isn’t ugly. But it probably is nothing compared to what Harry lives in.

Kiara takes a gulp of her wine. “It’s kinda trash actually. This is the ghetto.”

“You go to Columbia?” Harry asked, noticing her university sweater.

Kiara takes one more gulp of her wine, finishing off what is left in her glass. She was going to answer Harry’s question. She really was. But she got a good look at his bone structure. The way his jaw is a perfectly angled line. The way his Adam apple moves when he takes a sip of his wine. Even the way his fingers glide against the glass.

She begins to wonder how his fingers would feel against her.

“Kiara?”

That was it for Kiara because she doesn’t think she can keep herself composed in front of this beautiful rich man.

Instead of pouring her wine, Kiara grabs the bottle and starts to chug the wine like she is a trucker drinking a Samuel Adams.

Her lips remove from the bottle with a pop sound. Harry is now staring at Kiara completely taken aback by her actions. “What are you really here for, Harry? Sex? Because we can cut the small talk part.”

“Maybe I actually like you, Kiara.”

“You don’t like me.”

“Who told you that,” Harry counters.

Harry watches closely as Kiara struts towards him.

“I thought you were into blonde models?”

“Where are you finding this information from?” he questions.

“Google.”

Harry smirks. “So you’re googling me?”

“You know, if you wanted to know more about me, you could have just asked.”

Kiara cut him off with her lips attached to his. She wanted him to shut up, but she also wanted to kiss him.

Killing two birds with one stone.

Harry’s lips move in sync with hers, and he places his ringed hands on her back, pulling her closer to him.

If Kiara is being honest with herself, Harry’s lips feel like magic. It’s been a while since Kiara has kissed a guy, and she feels butterflies in the pit of her stomach.

“Kiara, what are we doing?” Harry mumbles into her mouth.

“We are gonna go back to my bedroom, and you are going to fuck me. Hard.”

“A-are are you sure about that?” Harry stutters on his words.

“We both know you didn’t come here to take me out on some date. So let’s just do this.”

Harry should have confidently responded and said, “No, Kiara, that is not why I’m here. I’m here because I actually find you attractive, and I know you have been working at the shop for about two weeks now but I have been very nervous to ask you on a date.”

However, his mouth went dry because Kiara threw off her sweater and her perky boobs sat fully on her chest.

“Kiara-”

“You know,” Kiara rests the palm of her hands on his muscular chest. Kiara has the upper hand and she sees it in the way Harry was staring at her, gaping at her actions. She loves being this bold. Upper chest bare for a man who is practically drooling over her boobs. Kiara likes to be in charge, but only for a little bit. After a while she wants to be taken care of. In bed that is. “For a man of such little words, you are talking so much right now.”

Harry grabs both of her wrist, but keeps her hands placed upon his chest. He knows his heart is racing a mile per minute. Kiara feels it and for a second she thinks to herself that there is no way she is causing this man's heart to skip beats.

Kiara stands up on her tippy toes and lets her tongue dart out to touch right below Harry’s ear suckling on the spot until it turns a nice red shade. She detaches her lips with a pop.

“You want this,” Harry whispers.

“I need this,” Kiara responds back.

“Tell me what you need Kiara.”

Harry’s right hand brushes over her bare breast, causing her to buckle a bit and stumble onto Harry’s chest.

“Hold yourself up, love, and tell me what you need.”

“I need you to fuck me,” Kiara whines.

With that, Harry holds Kiara's hips and roughly turns her away from him. Her hands went out and to grab at the granite countertop, holding herself up as much as she possibly could.

“How do you want it, hmm?” Harry whispers, quickly shrugging off his blazer and undoing a few buttons from his shirt. He begins to place wet kisses along the back of her shoulder. “I can fuck you right here, bent over the counter top. Or I can take you to the bed.”

“Here,” Kiara choked out through a moan.

“Can you handle it?” Harry teasingly asked her.

“I can handle it.”

“Can I take off your shorts?” Harry asks in a more serious tone.

“Mhmm, yes please.”

Harry shimmies down Kiara’s shorts. He takes the time to run his hands over her ass. The contact of her hot skin and Harry’s ice cold rings feels good to Kiara. She wants him to spank her, but she isn’t exactly sure what Harry is into and now she wishes she was sober enough to vocalize what she likes in bed so her needs can be met.

“Let's get a good orgasam out of you. Can I eat you?”

“Yes. God Harry, you're teasing me.”

“Not teasing,” he reassures her. “Just wanna know what you like.”

Harry gets down on his knees and opts for pushing her gray panties to the side instead of taking them off. Her core is glistening in her arousal and the smell alone makes Harry’s dick twitch in his boxers.

“Stop staring at it and-” Kiara cuts her sentence off with a yelp because Harry has attached his plump lips to her clit, giving her small kitten licks.

Kiara doesn’t really prefer to be eaten out. Most men's mouths don’t really do it for her. However, Harry is doing a very good job at keeping her legs shaking. She wants to turn around and look at him, but everytime she tries he delves deeper and deeper in her core, until she can barely hold herself up.

“M’mmm. A little higher please?”

Harry smirks against Kiara’s core because the little please she added to the end of her request tells him that she is slowly letting go of the tough exterior she puts up.

“Here? Is this good?”

“Yeah. Fuck right there please.” Kiara grips at the counter harder until her fingertips turned white.

“Been eating your veggies, huh?” Harry talks against Kiara’s core, the vibrations making her shudder. “You taste good love.”

Kiara is unable to respond because Harry is really going at it. His hands tightly grip Kiara's hips. His face is completely buried in her cunt, and he feels a slight ache in his jaw from the motions he makes with his mouth.

He continues to lick over her swollen folds, and then wraps his lips around her clit, which makes Kiara arch her back and push onto him. She is a panting mess, mouth wide open, eyes pinched together. She begins to thrash around but Harry grips even tighter at her hips.

“Stay still love.”

“I can’t,” she whined. “I’m gonna cum.”

“Why don’t you ask to cum?”

Kiara chokes on her spit slightly when Harry pulls his mouth from her pussy, and dips a finger inside of her. “Am I not entitled to an orgasm?”

“You are if you wanna be good for me.”

“Well if you're looking for a good girl I think you have come to the wrong place-”

Harry adds a second finger to her, which shuts Kiara up. “Ask nicely and you can cum.”

“I didn’t know you were gonna be so-”

“So what?” Harry asks her.

“Dominant.”

“You're lucky I’m not spanking you.”

“What's holding you back?” Kiara challenged.

Harry gets up from off his knees, and his free hand reigns down a heavy smack on her ass.

“Ask me nicely,” Harry demands, slowly pumping his fingers in and out of her.

“No.”

Smack.

“Ask nicely Kiara. I can do this all night.”

Kiara snaps her head back to look at Harry. “No.”

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

The three spanks that Harry had given to Kiara were much harder than the first. So hard that Harry started to see an outline of his hand print.  

It's when Harry gives her one more smack and pushes his fingers deeper into her, hitting a sensitive spot that Kiara gives in.

“Fuck, Harry please just let me come,” Kiara struggles to say with a couple tears falling from her eyes from being so wrapped up in pleasure.

“Say sorry.”

“I’m sorry. So damn sorry. Please, I'm so close.”

Harry laughed at how her personality has done a complete one eighty. She went from being a complete brat to now begging him for an orgasm. “You are?”

“Yes please.”

Once Harry feels her pussy tighten around his fingers he pulls them from inside of her. “I don’t think you are that sorry.”

Kiara let out a whimper at the loss of connection. Her legs are still shaking and she almost slipped off the counter but Harry was quick to catch her.

Harry's strong arms snaked around to the front of Kiara’s stomach, letting her stumble back into her arms. She felt Harry’s hard cock press up against her raw ass.“Easy now.”

Usually, Kiara would give Harry some witty comments, but right now she is too worked up from being so close to her orgamsm. She feels a bit fuzzy, not sure what to do next. Her core aches and all she can think about is getting off.

Her hands go down to rub at her clit, but Harry quickly smacks it away.

“That's my job tonight alright? You gonna let me fuck you? You're gonna be good so I can get you off properly.”

Kiara nods her head.

“Verbal consent Kiara.”

“Yes please.”

“Good girl.”

Harry’s smug voice echoes in her ear as he places wet open mouth kisses along her neck. Harry is really enjoying himself. She felt him smile against his neck when he started to coax soft moans out of her.

Kiara weakly pushes Harry's head away from her neck.

“Doll, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, I'm good. Can we just take this to my bedroom?” Kiara politely asks. “I think I will be more comfortable there.”

When Harry gets a good look at Kiara, he can tell he has pushed past the first layer of her tough exterior. He knows there is probably much more fight and sass in her, but right now she looks vulnerable.

“Yes of course we can,” Harry held his hand out and Kiara willingly took it as he led both of them to the bedroom.

When they arrive, Kiara sits at the edge of her queen sized bed, and Harry lets go of her hand. She whines a little at the feeling of Harry’s hands slipping away from her.

Harry chuckles at the girl. “Let me just take my shirt off darling.”

Kiara watches closely as Harry’s fingers undo the buttons one by one. His silk shirt gilded easily off his toned shoulders. He made his way to sit at the top of Kiara’s bed leaning against the headboard, and Kiara crawled on her hands and knees toward him.

“Christ,” Harry mumbled under his breath.

Harry spreads his legs wider, which allows Kiara to sit comfortably in his lap. She let her hands roam up and down his tattoos starting with the birds on his collar bone. She then notices the butterfly right above his tummy. When she places her left hand on it, tracing the wings, Harry sighs contently at her touch. It’s a comforting touch, one that he has never experienced with his one-night stands.

Harry breaks a sweat on his forehead when Kiara continues to trace his tattoos. His broad chest stops moving up and down because he begins to hold his breath. He isn’t really sure what she is doing, but it feels good. Good enough for Harry to exhale and relax into the bed.

For Harry, sex with girls usually got directly to the point. Of course, there was foreplay, but not to any extent like this.

Having someone else’s hands on your body is a part of sex. However, this feels much more intimate than that. He’s got that feeling of butterflies in his stomach when Kiara begins to run her hands all over his body. It felt like he was in high school again, having sex for the first time and being so nervous because you don’t know what to do. But in this case, the nerves and butterflies don’t come from a lack of knowledge of the female anatomy. It comes from being completely enamored by the beauty this one girl holds.

And for just a second, Harry questions if he deserves this to feel the way he feels right now. Warm and a little drunk on the feeling of love. He doesn’t love Kiara, at least not yet anyway. But he feels like at this moment, Kiara cares for him. And even if she doesn’t care for him, he wouldn’t mind existing in this false reality he has created in his head for a really long time.

Something about having his body touched in such a vulnerable way is making him feel things he has never felt in his life.

“You have a lot of tattoos,” Kiara points out, fingers still tracing his butterfly tattoo.

“Yeah, I have been collecting them over the years.”

“Which one was your first one?” Kiara asks curiously.

Harry brought Kiara’s delicate hands up to the swallows on his chest.

“These ones,” Harry’s voice shakily said. Kiara takes her index finger and begins to trace the birds.

“How old were you?” Kiara asks, keeping her eyes looking at the birds.

“Sixteen,” is all Harry says, trying to keep his past where it belongs. In the past.

“That’s young. You don’t regret any of them?”

“No, actually. I think they all tell a story. Sure, some of them are stupid, but they all got some meaning behind them.

Kiara innocently brings her hand up to his cheek, cradling his face. “You gotta tell me about them one day. You have so many.”

“Mhmm,” Harry hummed in response.

“Let’s kiss some more,” Kiara suggested, wiggling her hips in Harry’s lap to find a comfortable position.

Harry nodded his head in response letting his lips touch Kiara’s, but not yet giving in to her request. His hands find their way to her lower back, and Kiara’s hands now have made their way up to his shoulders.

“You look good. You know that?” Harry says against her lips.

Kiara now has a grin on her face and blushes at Harry as if she has never received a compliment in her life.

Kiara brushes a brown curl off of Harry’s face with her index finger, “You can’t give me compliments while I’m buzzed off of wine because you might make me fall in love with you.”

Harry smiles. “Why don’t I just fuck you like I love you?”

Harry realizes what he said and awkwardly takes his hands off of Kiara’s body, nervously running his hands through his hair.

Kiara see’s the worried look on Harry’s face, but she is just a tad bit too intoxicated to process the weight of Harry’s words.

“Or you could let me fuck you,” Kiara bodly suggests. “I just haven’t done it in a while, so you might need to take over when my legs get sore.”

Harry nods, his forehead pushed upon Kiara’s. He kisses her again, and is taken by surprise when she lightly bites on his lip. She then gives a quick kiss to the corner of the month, and then his throat. She leans over to kiss his collar bones, and Harry takes the opportunity to grab a handful of her ass.

He then slowly peels her underwear off of her. He drags it slowly past her thighs looking down at her soaking wet core.

“You’re wet,” Harry mummers into her ear.

Kiara cups Harry’s dick through his boxers, and slides them off of his hips.

Harry groans in pleasure when he feels her hand touch his hard dick that is leaking pre cum.

“Don’t get too cocky now,” her hand lazily pumps at Harry's length, which she finds to be quite impressive in size.

“Kiara, don’t forget who is in charge here,” Harry grits through his teeth.

Kiara dips her head down to lick at Harry's heavy balls, she then continues her way up to his shaft until she makes her way to his tip and suctions her lips around the pink swollen flesh.

Harry looks down at the Kiara, who is giving him those innocent eyes, as if she doesn’t have his entire dick in her mouth

“Oh fuck me,” Harrys rolls his eyes, and lets his head fall onto the headboard.

“I will. But let me suck you off first.”

Kiara passes her thumb over his dick, and kisses all around the tip. She licks him up and down before taking him into her mouth entirely, making sure to make eye contact with him.

Harry places his hand gently over Kiara’s head, asking permission to touch her. She blinks at him signaling to him that it's okay.

He took a rough grip to Kiara’s brown curls, moving her head up and down in a steady rhythm.

“That's it,” he encourages as Kiara suckles on his tip. “Fucking hell.”

She pulls her mouth from Harry's length and gives him a few sharp tugs.

“Slow down,” Harry pants. “Want to be inside of you when I come. Can you handle it?”

Kiara swings one leg around Harry’s lap, her core just inches away from Harry’s throbbing dick.

“Yeah I can.”

“Well what are you waiting for?”

Kiara slowly slides down on Harry’s dick, and his hands cling to the sides of hips, coaxing her on her way down. Harry groans at how tight and snug she feels around him.

Kiara is about halfway down when the blissful feeling starts to hit her. She tightens her grip on Harry’s shoulders biting her bottom lip.

“What's wrong? Thought you said you could handle it.”

Bravely, in one push Kiara glides right down Harry’s dick.

Harry groans with pleasure as soon as she makes it all the way down. His hands go out to grip her ass, and help her bounce up and down.

“That's it. Good girl. You like it when I call you that?”

“Yes,” Kiara responds, picking up her speed so that her tits move up and down with her.

“What do you want me to call you? I can call you my good girl, a slut, or whore. Which one do you prefer?”

“A whore,” Kiara is slightly embarrassed at what this man is doing to her, but she is so wrapped up in the lust of the moment that she really couldn’t care less.

“You're my dirty little whore, hmmm?”

Harry cranes his neck down to place a kiss on her tongue, lapping his tongue over her soft skin that smells like a floral scented perfume. He moans softly into her neck and squeezes at her fleshy hips.

“Yes.”

“Say it.”

“I’m your dirty little whore,” Out of nowhere Harry thrust his hips up to meet hers. “Fuck, Harry!”

Harry placed a wet kiss behind her hair before speaking, “How about you get on your hands and knees for me. I can fuck you like that.”

“Okay,” Kiara withdraws herself from him with ease due to how wet she was. She props herself on her hands and knees and arches her back for Harry.

Harry places a hand on her lower back. He rubs the tip of his dick over her wet folds before pushing in.

Harry moves slowly at first, testing out the waters to make sure he isn’t hurting her. Her sweet moans are only egging Harry on, and he is sure he isn’t gonna last another five minutes inside of her.

“Please Harry. Fuck me faster please.”

Harry hands grips on Kiara's fleshy love handles. It is a little tight for her liking however the pain is quickly drowned out by the intense pleasure she begins to feel.

This is a dirty shag. Harry is pounding into her at such an extreme pace that Kiara can’t even get a full moan out. Her little “uhhhh’s” and “nggggs” only encourage Harry on.

Kiara’s orgasm hits her first and it's just as blissful as she thought it would be. Legs trembling, her arms are no longer propping herself up, instead her right cheek is pushed up on the bed, and a bit of salvia is foaming out of her mouth.

“I’m gonna, oh god Kiara. Just give me a sec- fuck!”

Harry’s orgasm shortly follows and it's just as euphoric for him as it was for Kiara. This was one of the most satisfying sexual encounters Harry has had in a while and he wants to enjoy every second of being buried in Kiara’s warmth.

Harry was about to pull out from her but when he looked down at where they were connecting he realized how fucked he was.

Not only did he not wear a condom, but he most definitely came inside of her.

“Fuck,” Harry mumbles under his breath.

How could he be so careless? This has never happened to him. Harry has had quite the extent of sexual partners and he makes sure to always use a condom.

He wants to blame it on the wine but he didn’t even finish his glass.

“I need a second,” Kiara tiredly whispers, panting.

“I didn’t use a condom.”

“I’m sorry?” Kiara says still coming down from her high.

Harry runs his hand through his tangled hair nervously, “I didn’t use a condom. I haven’t had sex in almost a year though. I get tested regularly too. I’m sorry it just slipped my mind. I can run out and get you some plan B.”

“It's okay,” Kiara responds. She turns her head around to look at Harry. “Do you mind pulling out now though?”

Harry looks down at his dick, and then looks up at Kiara. “Oh yeah shit uhh.” He grabs on to Kiara’s hips and slowly pulls out of her.

“I haven’t had sex in like six months by the way,” Kiara slowly turns herself around to face Harry who has now tucked himself back in his boxers. “It could be longer honestly… it's been pretty dry here until now.”

“Yeah, same. Busy with work and what not.”

There is a moment of uncomfortable silence. Kiara has the sheets up to her bare breast, and Harry is not only taking in the raw beauty of the girl in front of him, and still beyond shocked he forgot to put on a damn condom.

“Well, I can get you some plan B. I think there is like a Target down the block from your apartment.”

“No, it's fine!” Kiara responds way too quickly. “I mean like, Trina has a stash in her car. I can steal from her in the morning. You don't have to rush out if you don’t want to. It’s not safe to drive at night, and you probably have such a long way to go.”

“You want me to stay?”

“Is that a bad thing?”

Harry shakes his head. “No...errr it's not. I would really like to stay.”

“Okay well I’m gonna pee. And clean myself up. I can bring you some water?”

“Water would be great.”

Kiara nods at him, standing up so that her white sheet is wrapped tightly around her body. She knows that there is no reason to hide from Harry. He just took her from behind and called her a whore, but Harry isn’t just any man. He is a man who looks like a greek god, and fucks like one too. So Kiara couldn’t help but be a little self conscious.

Kiara quickly comes back with two glasses of water. She has even changed into an old ratty T-shirt and a fresh pair of underwear.

Kiara hands Harry a glass and he takes a sip, “You know,” she starts, crawling into bed next to him. “If you told me you fuck like that maybe I wouldn’t have put up a fight at the cafe.”

Harry blushes, setting the glass on the nightstand next to him. “Didn’t plan this, you know. Not that I mind. Trust me, I like this.”

“I would be lying if I didn’t say I thought you were cute.”

“Oh,” Harry playfulls wiggles his eyebrows, scooting himself closer to Kiara on the bed. “Please do tell me more.”

Kiara pouts at Harry until he places a kiss on her bottom lip, another sloppy wet one on her cheek. He grabs at her sides, tickling her.

“Har- Harry! Stop, please!” Kiara begins to laugh uncontrollably. She even attempts to pull Harry’s enormous hands from her body but has no luck.

“Okay, okay,” she gives up, Harry pulling his hands off of her. “It was the whole curly hair, suit thing. I love a man in a suit, and you know you got an Americano. You have good taste in coffee.”

Harry smiles. “You make good coffee.”

Kiara hums awkwardly, not making eye contact with Harry, instead opting to stare at his mermaid tattoo with abnormally large tits.

“I like your hair too,” Harry speaks up. “It frames your face nicely. It was the first thing I noticed about you.” Harry’s ringed hands make their way to the top of Kiara’s thigh, rubbing her soft skin. “Then it was all the pins you had on your apron. You have a lot.”

“Oh. Yeah I’ve been collecting them over the years.”

“You had one that said, ‘Don’t be a damn.’ What does that mean?”

“I’m not sure,” Kiara shrugs, breathing out a relaxed sigh. “It was like my third year of undergrad. I studied abroad at the University Of Edinburgh, in Scotland and this guy who had a jewelry shop said it to me. The next day I came back he just gave me the pin and told me to always keep it with me.”

Harry smiles at Kiara with adornment, “I have family in Scotland. I’m from London though. Grew up there with my mum most of my life.”

“What brought you to New York then?”

“School then work. I went to Columbia,” Harry says, giving her the shortest answer possible. “I noticed you had it on your sweater earlier…. You know before you tore it off.”

“Shut up!” Kiara groans, striking Harry’s chest. “But yes I do go to Colombia. Just for my teaching credentials. I want to teach history.”

There is a beast of silence. “Are you sure if I stay the night? I don't want to intrude-”

“I want you to stay the night.”

Harry’s heart warms because no girl has ever said that to him. The feeling of butterflies swarming around in his tummy has come back, and he knows his cheeks are heating up in embarrassment.

“Alright.” Harry pulls Kiara’s body closer to him which makes her squeal in surprise. “Only if you keep me warm for the night.

+++

Harry is awake before Kiara.

Harry is used to waking up early for his job, and usually, he would be on his way to get his morning coffee and then head on down to the club.

However, he just can't leave the girl he just fucked last night.

Her breaths are short, and he can feel her heart thumping against his chest. She was properly attached to him, and Harry really liked it. Having her this close to him.

He takes the time while Kiara was asleep to not only watch her sleep peacefully but look at all the artwork she has displayed on her walls. There are no family pictures that Harry can spot, just a picture of her and Trina on her desk. It looks like they are at some club. Trina has a drink in her hand that looks like she is about to spill and Kiara is downing a shot.

Kiara stirs a bit in her sleep and Harry watches as she slowly blinks her eyes open.

“You're warm.” She blinks. “Do you want breakfast?” Kiara offers, nuzzling herself in the crook of Harry’s neck. “I make a really good omelet.”

Harry laughs. “Kiara I really can’t keep up with you.”

Kiara begins to innocently pepper kisses all over Harry’s neck. “What do you mean?” she pouts.

Harry groans once Kiara sucks on a sensitive right beneath his jawline. “For starters, you didn’t like me at all when we first met. Then we fucked because you claimed I was here just for sex. And now you are offering to make me an omelet.”

“What are you here for then?” Kiara presses.

Harry sighs, looking down at the pretty girl all tangled up in his arms. Harry knows exactly what he wants. He is twenty-seven and he is really looking for love. A life-long partner who he can come home to after a hard day at work. A partner who makes getting up in the morning all worth it. Someone who he can take out on dates, maybe even take to meet his brother.

He wants to take a leap of faith with Kiara. He wants to ask her on a date, however, he can’t bring himself to do that. He doesn’t want to put this girl in harm’s way because he likes her.

And it's not even about Kiara getting hurt. He would never let anything physically happen to the people he cares about in his life. It’s honestly about the hurt she would experience if something happened to him.

“I-”

Harry is interrupted by Trina barging into the bedroom.

“We will be late for the train if you don't get your ass up! You always sleep in--” Trina pauses once she realizes her best friend is wrapped up in her other best friend’s arms. “Oh fuck.” Trina points back to the door. “I’ll wait outside for you.”

“Shit,” Kiara grumbles to herself. “I forgot I had work.”

Harry watches as Kiara frantically pulls her underwear up her body. When she realizes Harry is staring at her, she turns around to slide on her black lace bra.

Harry isn’t trying to be that much of a dick, staring at Kiara while she is getting changed. It's just that her ass is littered with marks from his heavy handy, and a light bruise on her loved handles from holding her securely on his lap, while he pounded into her.

The bruises were tainted with the memory of last night, and Harry notices how every little mark told the story of their rough and passionate sex. Looking back on it Harry doesn’t know if he was too rough with the young girl. He doesn’t like that it was possible that he may have hurt her.

“You need to go,” Kiara demands, pulling her jeans on, and then her white shirt.

Harry picked up his white button-up shirt off the floor and threw it over his shoulder. “Kiara, was I too rough? Maybe you should put something on the bruises--”

“I’m going to be late for work Harry,” she snaps.

“Are you mad?”

Tears well up in Kiara’s eyes and this is very unusual for her. She never cries. She is not even sure why she is crying. She pauses for a moment not answering his questions.

“I’m fine,” Kiara answers with her back still facing away from Harry.

“You’re crying, Kiara.”

“I’m not!” Kiara yelled, throwing her hands up in the air turning around. “I- I’m just a little overwhelmed.” Kiara’s breath gets caught in the back of her throat. “I have school, and I work full time, and I’m interning at this elementary school...and that…” Kiara points to the bed. “That was the best sex I have ever had, and now I look like a complete freak.” She wipes a tear with the back of her hand. “I look like a complete freak because all we did was have sex and now I’m crying. It doesn’t have much to do with you I think. I’m just a little stressed.”

That was a complete lie and Kiara knows it. At this moment, she could care less about school or the stress of work. Its that empty feeling you have after sex knowing that this isn’t a forever thing. Harry will go back to being Harry, and she will go back to being Kiara. It is simply just sex...nothing more.

Harry gets off the bed in just his unbuttoned shirt and boxers. He tests the waters by placing a comforting hand on her back. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just show yourself out please.” Kiara walks away from Harry’s hold, grabbing a scrunchie off her desk, and her purse. “I have to go.”

Harry doesn’t stop her. He knows that if he stops her he is gonna want to kiss her. Then he is gonna convince her to come back to bed with him, and he can’t do that. For her sake.

+++

“Are we not gonna talk about it?” Trina asks while she is driving her SUV.

Trina and Kiara usually take the subway together. It works out much cheaper for the both of them, but they can’t be late for work. Not during the Monday rush. Kiara is in the passenger seat pulling up her hair and frantically covering up a few hickies on her neck from last night. Trina is driving just a little bit above the speed limit, trying to make sure they both get there on time, and also worrying about her best friend who isn’t her usual bubbly self.

“There is nothing to talk about, other than I need some plan B,” Kiara replies dryly.

“You're joking.”

“Nope. Pass me your purse.”

Trina keeps one hand on the wheel and hands Kiara her purple purse from the back seat.

“Kiara you had sex with my best friend. Unprotected sex.”

“Exactly just sex,” Kiara shruged, digging up the pill from the bottom of Trina’s bag. “And I’m your best friend!”

“You are both my best friends!” Trina argued. “You know the poor boy actually likes you right?”

Kiara rolls her eyes. “Did he tell you that?”

“Yes! Actually, he did! More than once!”

“He is lying. I’m just a normal broke student. And him? He is a fucking rich man but he looks like a literal greek god! Trina you know I googled him. His past girlfriends are models! White, skinny blonde models. I’m not white, skinny, or blonde!”

“He was a party boy in the past!” Trina retorts. “He likes you, okay? He just has trouble communicating his feelings. I know you like him too. You just have this strange idea in your head that you are not good enough for him! Which is ridiculous.”

“It's whatever,” Kiara huffs, pooping the pill in her mouth and swallowing it, “It was a hook-up. A simple one night stand.”

“It’s okay to want something more Kiara.”

“He doesn’t want something more! It's so painfully obvious,” Kiara throws her hands up in the air.

Trina knows how stubborn her best friend is. It's why they get along so well. They both have this hot headed temperament. However, Kiara never really likes to give herself time to relax. She likes to be busy but it is clearly taking a toll on her mental health.

“Let me take you out drinking after work.”

Kiara turned her head towards her friend and smiled. “Thank you. Now we are speaking my language.”

+++

While Kiara’s working, a part of her secretly wishes that Harry would show up for his americano. She is trying her hardest to convince herself that he is not worth her energy or time, but the sex is still fresh in her mind and it doesn’t help that her body is showing evidence of what took place last night.

There is still that dull satisfying ache between her legs, the sound of Harry calling her a dirty whore plays on rewind all day. She is practically daydreaming about having sex with Harry again while making coffee.

Harry was the first man to meet her needs in that manner. Sure she has cum during sex a couple times, but it wasn’t anything mindblowing. In fact her orgasms were usually underwhelming, but with Harry he knew what he was doing. His dominance was a complete turn on.

And sure Kiara could be fuck buddies with Harry. But she thinks she deserves a little more than just casual hookups. She wants a relationship because at the end of the day, she wants to build a family. A family that makes up for her broken one.

Kiara has sat down and contemplated this before. Is it inherently selfish to want to fix her childhood trauma with a family of her own, but fuck. Can you really blame her?

+++

When Kiara gets home she quickly changes into a simple black dress. It hugs her curves nicely and it's the dress she usually pulls out when she used to go clubbing with Trina (which has come to a halt because of her pregnancy).

The subway ride to the club is filled with laughter and Trina having to help Kiara actually get on and off the train (because she pregamed at the apartment).

Once they got to the club, Trina walks up to the front of the line with Kiara.

The bouncer's eyes lit up as soon as he saw Trina, “Hi Trina. Umm, should I tell Harry you are here? James is also here too. I can let him know as well.”

“Harry is here?” Kiara questions.

Trina whispers in her ear, “Yes, this is his club.”

“I’m gonna need more drinks if I have to look at his stupid face again.”

Trina playfully rolls her eyes, “Yes, you can let James and Harry know we are both here.”

The bouncer pulls out his walkie talkie and opens the door for Trina and Kiara.

Kiara supports herself on Trina’s arm as they walk into the club, “You didn’t tell me we were going to Harry’s club?”

“I know, I thought you might put up a fight about it.”

She probably would have put up a fight about it, however she wouldn’t actually mind seeing Harry's stupid, beautiful looking face again.

The club itself is beautiful. The ceilings are covered with mirrors, and hanging down from them were stunning crystal chandeliers. The chairs are red, and glass tables are placed strategically in each booth. There is also a bar with some red stools, and a huge red door near it.

“What’s back there?” Kiara asks.

“The strip club. But we don't need to go over there. C’mon you wanted some wine, didn’t you?”

Trina and Kiara made their way to the bar and a heavily tattooed girl with a name tag that says Drew is working on the opposite side of the counter mixing drinks.

“Hey, Trina! What are you doing here? You can’t drink.”

“It’s for my friend, Kiara.” Trina gestures to her Kiara, who drunkenly waves back at Drew “She will take some wine, something sweet. I’ll just have some sprite”

Drew grabs a wine glass and puts it on the table before walking away. “Coming right up”

“James is that new guy you are seeing, right?”

“Yes. He works for Harry.”

Kiara has heard Trina mention James on multiple occasions. She even thinks he has come to the cafe a couple of times for lunch, but Kiara can’t put a name to the face. She is unsure if Trina and James are dating, but she is not sure how far she should pry. She does briefly remember Trina telling her that James does not care about Trina being pregnant. In fact Trina told her one day during their thirty minute break at work that James is just happy to be a part of Trina’s family.

“Mhmm. So Harry owns this club?” Kiara asks, taking a sip from her wine that Drew provided for her.

“Yeah. He owns a few more too. I believe it's a family business or something?”

Kiara sighs before downing the rest of her wine. “Just eat the fucking rich already.”

“Kiara? Trina?”

Kiara spins around on her chair, holding up her second glass of wine that Drew had given her and made eye contact with Harry.

He looks breathtaking. Hair neatly combed out of his face, tailored suit, ring decorated fingers that Kiara thought was repulsive, but now she can't stop thinking about how they feel against her heat.

“Trina, it's Wednesday,” Harry sternly told her, pressing two fingers to the bridge of his nose, slowly breathing in and out, trying not to lose his temper at his best friend.

“Are you not happy to see me?” Kiara says, standing up. She almost trips on her heels but Harry grabs her arm.

Kiara places her hand on Harry’s cheek. “I know you have to be happy to see me. You don’t fuck someone like that unless you hate them or love them. And who could hate me?”

“Okay!” Trina chippers up, grabbing her friend and bringing her back to the barstool. “Maybe we should get some water in you, okay?”

Harry is flustered because way too much is happening at once. Harry has told Trina multiple times that Wednesdays are not a good time to show up at the club. He has his meetings on Wednesday, and dangerous people are always floating in and out of the club talking business with Harry. He just wants to keep Trina and Kiara safe.

“Drew put all their drinks on my tab,” he tells the dark-haired bartender. “Trina, did you drive here?”

“No, we took the subway,” Trina answered.

Harry sighed frustratingly. “Okay. I'll take you two home. Just don’t leave here until I come get you.”

“Harry,” Trina starts. “I'm sure we will be fine. It’s not that big of a deal. James is here anyways--”

“Trina please.”

It's the crack in Harry's voice that caused Kiara to stop drinking her wine and look up at him.

Trina shoots Harry a look of sympathy. “Okay fine. We will stay here until you're done.”

Harry exhales the air he was holding in, a nervous habit he is still trying to break. “Okay. I will be done soon.”

“What's got his panties in a twist?” Kiara snorts as Harry walks away.

“I’m not sure actually,” Trina responds. “He is always stressed at work. I’ve been trying to get him to take a break for ages, but pulling that man away from his job is an impossible task.”

“He always seems so tense.”

Trina laughs, “Yeah maybe you can help him with that.”

“Well I see you have been helping his fellow associate...James.” Kiara wiggles her eyebrows at Trina.

Trina dramatically sighs. “Don’t even get me started on him.”

“What? I thought things were going great!”

“They are!” Trina assures Kiara. “But I’m still not sure what he wants. I’m pregnant and thirty. I really don’t want to fool around anymore. I want to settle down. The baby is coming soon and I won't have time for hookups and flings. He says he doesn’t mind that I’m pregnant, but he hasn’t said he wants a relationship with me.”

“Why don’t you just be upfront with him and ask?”

“Because I don’t want to scare him off!”

“You deserve someone who is upfront with their feelings, Trina. You are never gonna know until you ask.”

Trina sticks her index finger in Kiara’s face. “I’m not doing shit until you figure out what's going on with you and Harry.”

“Fine I’ll admit. The dick is good.”

Trina squealed. “I knew it, you filthy whore!”

“I'm just a little nervous. What if he is just hooking up with me for some weird black girl fetish? What if he is a racist?”

“I can tell you that's not Harry.”

“Am I ready for this?”

Trina takes a sip of her sprite. “I dunno. You know the answer to that question, not me.”

“Well I don’t know, and you don’t know. So that's my cue to keep drinking.”

Trina rolls her eyes and is about to tell Drew that this will be Kiara’s last glass of red wine until she makes eye contact with a man walking towards them.

“Fuck,” Trina grabs her purse then grabbed Kiara’s wrist. “Don’t talk to him okay? Just don’t look at him and maybe he will go away--”

“Trina... Haven’t seen you in a while.” The man's voice is heavy and dark. When Kiara looked up at him the first thing she noticed is that he is extremely well dressed, with a bling out watch on his wrist. “Who is the lovely lady you brought with you?”

“Leave her alone Dorian.” Trina says.

“What's your name?” The man reaches out to touch Kiara’s lower back but she flinches away.

“Don't touch me! Who do you think you are?”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “Feisty. Pretty too. You are one of Harry’s girls?”

“Excuse me? One of whose girls?”

“Are you not a dancer for the club?” the man asks in a condescending town that sets Kiara off.

“Oh hell no. You know damn well I’m clearly not stripping so what is it that you want from me?”

Trina leans into Kiara’s ear. “Kiara please leave it alone,” She grabs her wrist but Kiara quickly pulls it out of her grasp. “Let's just go.”

“No, let the girl talk Trina. She has quite a mouth on her anyway. Maybe she can put it to a much better use.”

Slap

Kiara’s hand connects with Dorian’s face before Trina could stop her. Trina knows her friend has a temper but so does Dorian. The slap slightly echoes over the music and gains a few people's attention including Drew, who stops mixing her drink and keeps her eyes on Dorian, who clenches his jaw and fixes his suit on his shoulders, trying to regain his composure.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he mutters quietly.

“And what the fuck are you gonna… Ow!” Dorian roughly grabs Kiara wrist and drags her towards him.

He holds her hand above her head. “You don’t know who you are messing with. Do I need to show you?”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Kiara begins to squirm. “Let go of me before I kick you in the crotch--”

“Hmmmm. Maybe I should teach you a lesson. Don’t think Harry would mind if I borrowed one of his girls.”

“Refer to me as one of Harry’s girls one more time and I will do more than just slap you.”

“Dorian. Let her go.” Kiara’s eyes float from the man holding her wrist to Harry who is stalking up to her with a man right next to him. His voice was deep and assertive. Something Kiara never thought Harry to be other than when he was in bed.

Dorian lets Kiara’s wrist go and she stumbles back a bit towards Trina.

“Harry!” Dorian loudly greets. “I was just telling one of your whores she needs to watch that mouth of hers.”

“She is not a dancer, Dorian.”

“Oh, is she not? Such a shame,” Dorians eyes shamelessly rake Kiara up and down. “With a body like that I’m sure she could attract some clients for you.”

Kiara launches at Dornian but Harry is quick to grab her this time pulling her into his chest.

“Behave. Please,” he whispers in her ear.

“Dorian, you need to go.”

“Harry, you know better than that. Came here for my money. Come here every Wednesday to get my payment.”

“Well, you're not getting it today. Come by tomorrow.”

“Funny you say that since you know the history between me and your father--”

“I don't give a fuck about the history between you and my father!” Harry seethes stepping closer to Dorian. “You don’t see him here do you? I made you a deal. You will get your money, just not tonight. You don’t get to threaten my friends and then just demand money.”

“You don’t want to test me boy--”

“No, you don't want to test me. Not tonight. Leave.”

Dorian smirks at Harry before raising his hands up in defeat. “I’ll be here tomorrow. If you don’t have my money there will be problems.”

Harry watches Dorian walk fully out the door before turning to Trina and Kiara. “Both of you. My car now.”

“What just happened?” Kiara questions.

“Trina just take her to the car.”

+++

The car ride back to Kiara’s apartment is silent. Kiara sits in the back confused as to why Trina and Harry kept whispering to each other. A whole conversation is happening and Kiara’s trying to keep up, but she can only get bits and pieces of what the two are saying.

“I might be still drunk but I can hear you know.” That is a lie.

Harry’s eyes glance up to the rear view mirror. “Are you okay Kiara? He didn’t hurt you right?”

“No but I did hurt him. Slapped him. And if you didn’t come and interrupt I was about to kick him in the balls.” Kiara hiccups at the end of her sentence.

“She is right,” Trina agrees. “She is more of a fighter than she leads on to be.”

“Exactly!” Kiara yells. “So if you would have given me the chance I would have fucked him up.”

Harry, who was clenching his hand at the wheel during the whole drive, lets go and smiles. “I believe you Kiara.”

+++

Harry makes sure to walk Trina into her apartment safely, before helping Kiara to hers which was a challenge in itself because she can’t even walk in a straight line.

“Woah,” Harry says, wrapping his strong arms around Kiara’s waist trying to keep her balance. “How about you sit down on the bed?”

Harry helps Kiara walk into her bedroom and he slowly sits her down on her bed. Her hair is completely ruined, her dress slightly bunched up at her hips and her lips gloss slightly smudged. Harry thinks she looks beautiful. He is staring a little too long before he realizes he should help her take off her heels.

He gets down on one knee and his fingers begin to work on the claps of Kiara’s heels until she wraps her leg around Harry’s neck and pulls him closer to her thigh.

“Wine makes me horny.”

“I know,” Harry pushes himself away from her, no matter how tempting she looks, and goes back to undoing her heels. “But I think it would be smart if I get you to bed.”

“Why was that guy asking you for money?”

“Asking me anything but that.”

“Okay. Did you mean it?”

Harry slides one heel off her foot and looks up at her. “Mean what?”

“When we met.” He grabs Kiara’s other foot. “You said I was pretty. You meant it?”

Harry is silent for a couple seconds, his voice low. “Of course. Why would I be lying about that?”

Kiara shrugs as Harry glides her shoe off. “Guys are assholes. Well most guys are.”

“Mhmm. Where can I find some clothes for you?”

“Top drawer.” Kiara points at her dresser right in front of her bed. Harry walks over to get some clothes and places them on the side of her bed. “When I moved here I hooked up with this one guy from my class. I thought there was something going on between us ya know? He was nice at first. So I was gonna ask him if he wanted to go on a date because well, at that point we were hooking up. Turns out he had a girlfriend.”

“Sounds like a dick. Can I unzip your dress?”

Kiara nods her head and stands up hastily, turning around so her back is facing Harry. “I feel like I’m never good enough to be the girlfriend.” Harry listens closely as he zips Kiara’s dress slowly. Her delicate skin has goosebumps on it. When he gets all the way down to the top of her butt he pushes the dress off her shoulders, and allows her to step out of it.

“I’m good enough to hook up with. But never good enough to meet the parents or keep around longer than a couple weeks.” She turns around to face Harry, and grabs the shirt he picked out for her, throwing it over her head, and ignoring the pair of sweats he brought her, opting to stay in her underwear.

“So do you find me pretty in a fuckable way? Or do you find me pretty enough to keep me around longer than a few weeks?”

“Do you want me to answer that? Because you are really drunk, and my goal isn’t to scare you off.”

“Yes please,” she hiccups. “If you want to fuck around lets just be up front about it. Think I’ve gotten my hopes up about too many guys and I just wanna know.”

“Well I always think it's time for me to settle down,” Harry explains to her. “I’m twenty seven and my mum will not stop bugging me about it.” He laughs but Kiara stays silent. “I guess dating is just a bit confusing for me.”

“Confusing?” Kiara questions, tugging at the bottom of her shirt to make sure it is covering her butt.

“I really didn’t expect to be around this long. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff Kiara, stuff that I really shouldn’t have done because it put my life at jeopardy. I think I never settled down because I didn’t think I was able to.”

“And what about now? Do you think you can settle down.”

Harry inhales and exhales quickly. “I’m not sure.”

“Okay.” Kiara turns her back to Harry and walks to her bed. She is definitely disappointed in his answer, but she knew she shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to keep seeing you Kiara,” Harry quickly responds, breathlessly. “I want to take you to dinner.”

“You don’t have to pity me Harry-”

“I’m not pitying you,” Harry cuts her off. “I like you Kiara. You're a nice girl, beautiful too, and I mean that. My life can be… menacing to say the least. I like you enough not to drag you into my bullshit.”

Kiara tiredly rubs her eyes with the back of her hands. “What exactly is the bullshit?”

“It's my family business and my family… Well, they are interesting people.” That is all Harry could tell her without explicitly saying, “Instead of going into finance with my business degree from Columbia, I had to join my dad’s mafia and fix all his mistakes while he lives in a mansion, even though all I have ever wanted was to have absolutely nothing to do with the “‘family business.’”

“You seem like you don’t want to talk about it.” Kiara is now sitting with her knees up to her chest on her bed and Harry is towering over her small frame.

“No. I’m not a big fan of my past. But I want to get to know you, and you can get to know me. I’m busy with work, and sometimes it's hard for me to open up, but I’d really appreciate it if we took this slow.”

Kiara pouts. “So that means I can’t convince you to stay the night? Even if I suck you off?”

Harry smiles at her. “No.” He places a kiss on her forehead. “But I will come get you tomorrow at seven for dinner. Does that work?”

“Yes it does. Thanks for bringing me home tonight.”

“Anytime. I mean that.”

Kiara flips over to her side, hands resting underneath her head. “Drive safe.”

Harry is unsure about his life. In fact he is unsure about leaping into this with Kiara. He knows they aren’t dating, and that's good for him. He needs time to figure out his life. He knows if he wants to be in Kiara’s life, he has to pay off his fathers debt’s and get out of the mafia, or else he will never truly have the life he wants.

Right now, he can see a future with Kiara. He can see himself waking up next to her, making breakfast. He can see himself enjoying a domestic life with her.

He knows he can’t have that right now. But he sure is gonna work like hell for it. For her.

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

PLEASANT SURPRISE

Prompt: Requested by the lovely @romanreignsgirl20 , as a surprise to her friend @jazzy-bella02 I hope you girls like it 😉

Word Count: Long-ish

Pairings: Jon Moxley x Reader

Warnings: +18, smut, rough sex, degradation kink (name calling), dirty talk, asphyxiation kink (breath play), cursing, dom x sub dynamic

Editor: @rheacanbreakme

Tag: @marlananicole , @bellalutionn , @yungbludjazz360 , @sassymox

Notes: *insert passing out gif here* I wish, girl, I fucking wish! You can check out my previous stories on my Masterlist if you’d like (it would make me your girl here very happy 🤗). And now, let’s get to the fun part, shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy...

My first AEW live event, how exciting is that? I’m excited for everything, but to be honest, the thing I was most excited about was to see my favorite wrestler (and my eternal crush) Jon Moxley. The only reason I had bought tickets for this live event was because of him. And I couldn’t wait to see him face to face.

Suddenly his music started, and there he was. Beautiful, with that bad boy attitude and swagger. He passed through the middle of the audience, cutting his way through the people to get to the ring, and that’s when he stopped by my side to stare at Darby, who was waiting for him in the ring.

He smelled amazing! Masculine, earthy, fresh, spicy and kinda musky. That was when he looked down at me.

“Hey there, doll” Jon said, winking

My voice got caught in my throat and I could only nod as a greeting

“Are you gonna root for me?” He asked, seriously

“Y-Yes...I- I came here just to see you” I said, my cheeks beginning to flush pink in embarrassment

“Oh really? So why don’t we make a deal? If I win you come backstage with me” He proposed

“And what if you lose?” I asked

His only response to me was a loud laugh as he ran to the ring.

The match ended as fast as it started. Jon took over Darby like he was nothing, and when the match was over, he asked for a microphone, squatted down next to Darby’s body and said

“What you have witnessed, is a message for anyone backstage who wants to fuck with me. Try your luck, buddies, but don’t you never forget that” His eyes searched through the audience until he found me, and while smirking, he continued “Jon Moxley NEVER loses! And at the end of the day, I always get what I want” He dropped the microphone on top of Darby’s chest, and made his way to the audience. When he was in front of me, Jon picked me up in his arms bridal style, and walked towards his locker room.

He placed my feet softly on the floor of his locker room, locked the door, and asked

“So, what’s your name, kitty cat?”

“Y/N”

“Is it true that you came here today just to see me?” Jon slowly started to get closer, and closer to me

“Yes..I-I drove five hours just to see you, Mox” I shyly responded

“Five hours?” He whistled “Wow, that’s a whole lot of effort just to see my sorry ass” He cackled, lighting up a cigarette

“I have a sore spot for you, so..” I joked and Jon chuckled

“Oh yeah?” He sat on the black leather couch, and patted his thigh, almost as a hint for me to sit down on it

“Tell me, kitty cat, besides that sore spot is there any other spot that you might have for me? I don’t know, maybe like... a wet and warm one?” He asked, as one of his hands caressed my ass through my jeans

My face escalated through one thousand shades of red reacting to his words..

“Oh,” Jon laughed, amused, “Kitten is one of the shy ones, huh?”

“I’m not used to hearing those things..”

“It’s ok, doll. I like the shy ones! They always surprise you anyways” He smirked “Will you surprise me, Y/N? Will you make me believe that you’re all sweet, innocent and collected and then, when I’m fucking you, you’ll say the most filthiest things that can even make ME blush?”

I don’t know where the courage that took over me came from, but I grabbed him and said

“I guess you’ll have to find out”

Jon’s eyes became a darker shade of blue, as an mischievous grin took over his lips

“Oh, you’re definitely one of the fun ones! We’re gonna have a good time, kitten. I can already tell”

I straddled his hip and asked “Are you gonna talk the whole night through, or are you gonna do something, Jon Moxley?”

He quickly grabbed my thighs and laid me down on the couch, pinning my body down with his weight.

“You’re gonna wish you never said that” He threatened, coldly. And I believed him.

One hand quickly came up to my throat, and squeezed, hard. Jon leaned down to kiss me, but when he got close enough and I closed my eyes to savour it, the fucker leaned back, laughing

“How bad do you want it?” He asked, with mischief dancing upon those blue orbs

“Very badly” I panted

“Yeah? Are you gonna scream for me? Let everyone know how much of a whore you are for me?”

“Yes, sir” I moaned

“Oh, she’s a trained slut! That’s good. At least I won’t have to waste my time teaching you shit” He bit my lip forcefully

“Safeword?” Jon asked

“Color system, sir”

“Good” He released my neck and stood up “Strip for me” He commanded, sitting down on the armchair across the couch

I clumsily stood up, and began to mechanically take my clothes off.

“Stop” He said, making me look at him in confusion

“What the fuck are you doing, Y/N?”

“Taking my clothes off, as you requested, sir”

Jon shook his head in disappointment “Unbelievable” He muttered under his breath

“Are you deaf, Y/N?”

“No, sir” I replied, still confused

“I told you to strip for me! Not for you to take your clothes off without any passion” He said with disdain in his voice

“I’m sorry, sir”

“Start again” Jon commanded, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the fly down.

I swallowed my embarrassment and did as I was told, and began to strip for him

I removed my t-shirt slowly, followed by my bra, which I let teasingly slide down my arms. Jon groaned at the sight of my bare breasts and started to touch himself through his boxers.

When I began to pull my jeans down, Jon said

“Come closer, Y/N”

I obliged and he told me to turn around, so my back was facing him now.

“Pull your jeans down, slowly” He said and I did as he wanted, pulling my jeans down, torturously slow.

“Hmmm, fuck. That’s it, kitten. Just like that” He cooed and I could hear him spitting on his palm “Take a few steps back, doll” He requested

I walked backwards until he told me to stop, that was when he told me to continue

“Fuck, you have a beautiful ass” Jon said, licking my (now exposed) ass cheeks.

He asked me to turn around, and so I did

“See through?” He asked, caressing the thin layer of light blue lace that covered my mound.

His soft and lazy caresses soon found my clit, and he began to circle the nub through the lace panties, making me moan at the friction.

I could now see that Jon’s cock was completely out of his boxers, as he was stroking himself. And I could already feel the pressure of my release, building up. As I was about to cum, he stopped the action on my clit and told me to lose the panties.

“Go to the couch, kneel on it, and rest your chest on the backrest” Jon quickly said, as he opened the condom.

Seconds after, I felt his presence behind me. He pushed my hips back slightly, and positioned himself on my entrance

“Are you gonna be a good kitten for me?” He whispered in my ear

“Yes, sir” I gasped, when I felt him sliding in

“Are you gonna scream for me?”

“Yes, sir”

“Are you gonna let everybody in this backstage hear how good I’m fucking you?”

“Yes, sir...please” I moaned

Jon forcefully thrusted into me, making the air escape from my lungs.

“Sir” I cried out, grabbing his wrist

“So fucking tight, kitten” He moaned “But don’t worry, we’re about to change that” As he moaned again and laughed.

Jon began to move slowly in and out, stretching my walls to fit him perfectly and once he could move easily in and out, his thrusts became so hard that my chest smacked the back of the couch each time he entered me. It all felt so good that I instinctively started to meet his thrusts

“Oh fuck yes, kitten! That’s right, baby, take it! Fuck yourself on my cock”

His encouragement made me move faster and faster and without noticing I began screaming

“I’m Mox’s good little whore”

Jon growled, pounding harder and deeper.

“Yes you are, kitten! Fuck, you’re such a good little slut! My perfect slut” He bit my neck and circled one arm around my waist, until he reached my clit and started to rub it

“I want you to cum for me, Y/N. I want you to milk my cock, baby. I wanna feel you clenching around me”

His words worked like magic on me, making me explode around him. My walls became so tight, it even got hard for him to move.

A few seconds later, Jon grunted as he came.

“I knew you would surprise me, but fuck!” He chuckled, as he slid out and took the condom off.

Jon threw the condom in the trash can and returned to the couch. I reached down for my panties, but he was quicker, taking the piece of fabric off the floor and tucking it in the front pocket of his jeans. Leaning down, he finally, for the first time, kissed me. An addictive kiss, that tasted like whiskey, mint and cigarettes.

“Wanna go get some burgers?" He asked, smiling

“Sure” I cackled

“Would you like to come to my place afterwards?” Jon questioned

I looked at him in surprise “You want to see me again?” I asked, shocked

“Of course I do! You’re my own little Pandora’s box, I need to know what else you’re hiding in there” He narrowed his eyes, making me laugh

“So, c’mon” He stood up and offered me his hand “Let’s go get our burgers, kitty cat”...

Please if you’re comfortable with it, let me know your thoughts on this? Feedbacks are always appreciated 🥰😘

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

so get this. I was gonna roll around in Tombstone related fluff today - but no, no - this post came across my dash so Now We Are Gonna Discuss the Carnal Consumption of Meat as it appears on That Show Supernatural.  YEAH BUDDIES!

(also my sincere apologies to OP of the inspiration post who innocently tagged it with “lunch date!”  because I am about to go Elsewhere, cursedly).

Let’s all go meat man, after the cut!

This analysis centers primarily on 5x14 Bloody Valentine.  The title of course is a semi-homage to a 3D Slasher Film Jensen starred in circa 2009. 

Which I will be renting soon I guess.  ,[<- parasocial panda GET BACK IN YOUR ENCLOSURE]

Also Its Really Fun that the trailer for Said Cinema ends with “nothing says date movie like a 3-D ride to hell” [are you also thinking of Cas pulling Dean out of hell, or are you normal?]  ***unironically the teaser for 5x14 is -

EXT. SIDEWALK - IN FRONT OF ALICE'S APARTMENT BUILDING

RUSSEL 

First date.

They then eat each other.  Literally they eat each others flesh.  They also do it while dirty talking about it.  SPN IS A SHOW 

ALICE Ugh! I've been so alone. So empty...

RUSSEL I know. Me too.

ALICE I want you, Russel---All of you... inside me...

[they both take bites out of each other, Alice chewing on a piece of Russel's flesh]

****Remember this detail, as it is important.

ANYWAY, it’s truly Cursed that not only are we doing an homage to this 3-D Jensen Horror Date Flick but also this episode is specifically centered on Valentine’s Day.  The day honoring romance and love Now Coopted by Hallmark, everyone, that is the day spn writers chose to introduce us to 

Sir Horseman of THE Biblical Apocalypse Famine. 

Canonically, we are aware that the show is drawing from the book of Revelations in its depiction of the Four Horsemen.  Here’s what it says about Famine -

"When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand.”

-Revelations 6:5

Famine holds scales (used to weigh out grain in times of food scarcity).  Spn’s depiction is represented as hunger, a bottomless pit of need.  It consumes souls (demon and human alike).  

Cas describes Famine a little more poetically:

CASTIEL 

"And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty... "

"... and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. "

"His hunger will seep out and poison the air. "

***Consider a prior season in which we are introduced to the Seven Deadly Sins.  Which are the sins associated with hunger?

Gluttony

and Lust.

***this is also important

Back to the episode.  Case cold open, and we find out that Alice was a Nice Girl.  In that she didnt drink, smoke or

have premarital sex.

***So Alice’s hunger for the sin of Lust caused her to succumb to it; and her demise was presented as Gluttony (literally eating her partner’s flesh). HMM

Famine’s presence is affecting the town, and Cas is not immune.

DEAN 

And when did you start eating?

CASTIEL 

Exactly. My hunger-- it's a clue, actually.

***They lay it out a little more in case you missed it ->

SAM 

I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food.

CASTIEL 

Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love...

***this is so important.  but of course because its spn and our textual narrators are generally unreliable (even in a Ben Edlund episode, yes I know)

we get a red herring

CASTIEL 

Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.

***but that’s not accurate.  they didn’t get married or become obsessed with each other (remember the cursed coin in 4x08 Wishful Thinking and the unconditional love wish? not what happened here). they had premarital sex.  they did the thing Alice considers wrong, and dark, and sinful.  and then they ate each others’ flesh.

DEAN 

Okay, but what about you? I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

CASTIEL 

It's my vessel-- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect

***mad lad Jimmy Novak’s hunger is for...red meat?  He is starving for red meat?  You are telling me that the Novaks, red blooded conservative religious midwestern Novaks, ate RED MEAT SO SPARINGLY that Jimmy Novak was LITERALLY starving for it?!?!  No way.  Absolutely no way.  This is a man who was such a religious zealot he STUCK HIS HAND IN BOILING WATER and accepted an angel of the lord into his own body but his secret hunger was for fucking ground beef?

give me a damn break.

to me this is an absolute coverup.  Because Cas’s burger consumption is not related one iota to his vessel Jimmy Novak.

it is a representation of Cas falling.  Cas’s cravings for meat represent his growing (and very much prohibited) feelings for...humanity (Dean Winchester), and they are presenting as Gluttony in the form of his downing more and more copious amounts of red meat.  

SERIOUSLY, consider this - at one point the depiction is so desperately carnal that he is eating raw ground beef with his bare hands. It is fucking uncomfortable.  and it is SUPPOSED to be.  Famine stirs up hunger for the prohibited.  For the sinful. That which we are starving for but do not believe we can ever have, so we lust and we lust and we LUST after it, but should we allow ourselves even just a taste of what we have been ravenously craving, we binge it until we ourselves disappear into the oblivion of our own sinful, dark desires.

Since You Want More Examples of why this cant possibly be hunger for Cheeseburgers and Cheeseburgers alone, Consider Famine’s effect on Dean.  Remember his doctor kink?

**when its revealed that Doctor Corman has succumbed to Famine’s poison by drinking himself to death, Dean - very uncharacteristically by the way - reacts by saying out loud

DEAN Thanks. Crap! I really kind of liked this guy.

***please note that Doctor Corman says the following to Dean in the prior scene they have together -

DR. CORMAN [to Dean]

Agent Marley, you just can't stay away.

****was that a flirtation?

***Also, Dean doesn’t want to go out and chase tail for Valentines Day.   

SAM

I mean, what do you always call it-- Uh, unattached drifter Christmas?

DEAN 

Oh, yeah. Well... be that as it may...I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.

SAM 

So you're not into bars full of lonely women?

DEAN 

Nah, I guess not. [takes a sip of his beer] Ahh. What?

SAM 

That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

***oh look we are relating things to eating again.  sex/lust to gluttony.  hmmm hmmm hmmm

ANYHOW -  *takes deep breath*

 this is also the Episode Where This Scene Lives

****JACKTING JOICES

oh and speaking of jacting joices, this is also the Dean Notices Cupids Crotch Episode.

frAckles, I am once again asking why you only permit celestial beings to hug you from behi-[gunshots]

but Dean isn’t hungry.  Why? Famine has the explanation, and we get it after Dean immediately runs inside after Cas heads in to complete his portion of their plan barely giving him any time to do so because he misses him that much.

FAMINE 

I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN 

Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE 

Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! 

***not Dean making all of those homophobic/homoerotic jokes every time he’s in danger or feeing uncomfortable; not that, that can’t possibly be what Famine is referencing, right?

I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. 

***not THIS parallel:

AMARA:

You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel, except… It's cloaked in shame

You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. 

***not the motions of performative heterosexuality!!

***Dean’s not hungry because in his heart he truly believes that he can’t actually have what he hungers for.  That Thing Which This Episode Overtly but Also Very Clearly Made Obvious.  It’s an angel riding shotgun [I did Do That and I am Not Sorry], eating a burger in the front seat of the impala.  But, I’ve deviated from the meat of this essay [gunshots] [this time just for the bad joke].

BONUS

there’s Exists another episode in which a man ravenously consumes red meat; eventually succumbing to eating raw beef with his bare hands in the season prior to this one.  

Yes Supernatural the Show That Brought Us Not One But Two Scenes of Persons Carnally Consuming Red Meat With Their Bare Hands.  

This episode is a MOTW - the man in question is a rougaru - a monster that starts out as human but due to some specific genetic disorder (hmmm hmmm hmm crack in THE chassis hmmm hmmm) soon begins to be extremely hungry - “for everything, but eventually long pig.” AKA human flesh. 

Wanna know the kicker?  

Episode’s called Metamorphosis.

(GIF by jackttwist)

I’ll see myself out.

[DOUBLE BONUS for extra credit:

if you really wanna wild out, go watch the scene of Jack the rougaru looking at himself in the mirror in 4x04 - and then meander on over to 7x01 and check out God!stiel looking in the mirror as the leviathans writhe inside him over there. It’s worth the walk.]

***oh and @lilac-void​ im tagging you in this one because in exchange for your KIND creator content nomination I guess I will respond by cursing you with an Honorary tag in this, a Meat Meta.  you’re welcome slash I'm sorry XO [but seriously thank you again for your kindness and appreciation; it really motivated me to sit down and get moving on making more content <3]

[beskarhearts]

Bounty (Din Djarin x Reader)

Connection series Pt. 8

Pairing: Din Djarin x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Warnings: cursing, death (choking), fighting, anxiety, nightmares

Word count: over 8.0K

Summary: Din has a bounty to catch, leaving you and the child alone on the Crest.

Notes: This chapter almost made me cry writing it so I wish you all luck. I also started writing part nine today and ooof... buckle in folks.

Previous Part ____ Next Part

_____________________________________________

You couldn’t help the bout of laughter that escaped your lips as Din walked up to you. 

“Are you ever going to stop laughing about this?”

You doubled over in laughter even more, clutching at your stomach which was beginning to literally hurt from your laughter. “I can’t believe you never told me.” You wheezed as the man stood in front of where you leaned against the wall, placing a hand on his hip.

“It’s not even funny.”

"You know, I feel like you should of told me about it. Like that should of been the first thing out of your mouth when we first met. It would have told me everything I needed to know.”

“The fact that I wear suspenders would have told you everything you needed to know?”

You let out a loud cackle at his statement, causing him to shake his head at you. “Absolutely.”

“I wear it because it’s convenient. I don’t know why it’s funny.”

“Do you think your bounties would be considerably less scared of you if they knew you wore suspenders? Because I think they would.”

“Sweet one...” You smiled as he let out a small sigh, but deep down you knew he was smiling under the helmet.

“You should consider wearing less armor and letting the suspenders show more. The ladies would love it.”

Din cocked his helmet at you, stepping closer to you. “Oh, really?”

“Absolutely. Suspenders are just irresistible.” You let out another giggle, smiling widely as you expect an exasperated sigh from the man of beskar.

But instead he brings his hands up, putting them against the wall on either side of your head, boxing you in. You let out a small gasp, not having expected Din to get so close to you. “Really?”

You tried to hide how flustered you were with a small smile. “Would it break your heart if I said that the suspenders didn’t do anything for me?”

“Probably.” You heard Din let out a chuckle and you laughed back.

“Well then I love them. They are super good looking. One would probably describe them as sexy.”

Din just let out a grunt and shook his head at you. “That didn’t sound convincing.”

“I wonder why.” You teased, ducking under one of his arms, escaping his hold on you. Din turns around, leaning against the wall exactly where you were and crossing his arms. 

“I should probably get going.” You let out a groan at his words. You guys had left the planet with the flowers a couple days ago and went straight into hyperspace. Din had explained that he had a bounty to catch. It was an underground job, meaning no one would know it was him and he wasn’t risking Moff Gideon finding out about it. He just had to stop on this planet, catch his bounty, and turn them in for some much needed credits. It wasn’t supposed to be too dangerous but he still insisted on you and the child staying behind in the Crest. He didn’t want to risk anything or anybody seeing the kid, even though the planet you were on was relatively deserted. 

“Din, are you sure we can’t go? I’m pretty good with a blaster, y’know?”

“I know, cyar’ika.”

“Then let me go.” You knew you were whining and probably sounded like a child, but you didn’t want him to go. Ever since you joined, you guys haven’t really separated and you didn’t want to be alone.

“This should be a quick one.” Din didn’t even bother to entertain your statement. You had already bothered Din about going and he was being stubborn. There was no way he was going to let you go but you could still complain about it. “Hopefully it will only be a day or two.”

“Two days?”

“You whine a lot.”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms over you chest. “I just want to go. I don’t want to be alone here.”

“You won’t be. You have the kid.”

You hated how literally Din took things sometimes. You didn’t know if it did it on purpose or if it was just how he was. “I could help.”

Din sighed, shaking his head. “I think I’ve got it covered. I’ve done this before.”

“Yes, but have you ever done it before with me by your side? No. We could probably catch this poor schmuck in less than a day if I tag along.”

“I forgot about all your experience in bounty hunting.”

You knew he was teasing but you still narrowed your eyes at him. “I would probably be great at it.”

“You aren’t a very subtle person.”

You let out a small gasp. “What does that mean?”

Din stepped towards you, putting both hands on your shoulders. “It means, you tend you gather peoples attention. And that isn’t good when hunting.”

“Maybe you can teach me how to do it then. You said this bounty isn’t too difficult so this would be the perfect opportunity.” 

“You do know nothing you say will make me bring you along?”

You let out a grunt, pulling away from Din. “Fine. But you’ll regret it when you realize just how much you miss me.”

“Of course, cyar’ika.” Din sarcastically responded and you huffed.

“You are going to be chasing after this stupid bounty and thinking about how much you miss me and my pretty hair and my wonderful humor and-”

“I’m starting to think you are in love with yourself.”

You flash him a devious smile. “I mean, I am pretty great.”

Din shakes his head and pulls his body towards you. “You know what I’ll enjoy most about this?”

You frown, already prepared for a sarcastic response. “What, Din?”

“Some silence.” 

You roll your eyes and back away from him, only for him to take a step towards you. “Yeah, right. You love when I talk.”

“You love when I talk.”

Another step backwards for you. And another step forwards for Din. “Hmmm... not really?”

“Sweet one, you already admitted you like the sound of my voice.” You back up one more time and feel yourself bump into the wall behind you, to which Din chuckles. “See? You are clumsy. I can’t bring you.”

You push against Din’s chest with your hands. “You should go before I kick your ass.” You try to hold back the smile but fail to do so.

“Alright.” Din grabs his bag from the floor and strolls towards you. “Keep the door shut and if anything happens, use the radio I gave you. But only for emergencies.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

“If it takes longer than two days, I’ll radio you and let you know I’m fine. If you don’t hear from me and I don’t respond to you, get out of here.”

“Din, I’m not leaving you behind-”

“Please just agree to my terms.” 

You nod your head, knowing you’d never actually leave without Din but not wanting to stress him out. “Fine.”

Din brought a hand up to your cheek, grazing it lightly. “Be safe.”

“We will be fine, Din. Like I said, I’m handy with a blaster.” You give him a lopsided grin, wanting to ease his worries. 

“Okay. Goodbye, cyar’ika.”

“See you soon.” 

Din dropped his hand, opening the hatch to the Crest, and stepping down it. He turned back to look at you, giving you a sharp nod of the head, and you watch him walk off as you close the hatch of the ship.

_____________________

The child was sat in your lap, fully awake to your dismay. He spent the first half of the day whining and crying because his dad was gone. He would look up at you with these big, dopey eyes and his little bottom lip puffed out, looking like somebody had done the meanest thing to him. You’d explain to him that Din was just doing a job and he’d be back soon, but you think the kid either didn’t understand you or didn’t care.

Then once the kid finally got over his pity party, he was absolutely wired. All he wanted to do was play and you swore he was trying to drive you crazy. At one point, you had tripped over something the kid had dropped and he absolutely lost it, thinking it was the greatest thing he had ever seen. In hopes of tiring him out, you had purposely started ‘tripping’ on things, each time warranting the same ecstatic response but not proving to tire him out at all. 

So that led to where you were now. In the cockpit of the Crest, with the kid held in your lap, as the two of you looked up at the stars in the sky. You had hoped a calming activity like this would make him sleepy considering how late it was and how he hadn’t taken any naps. But all he was doing was intently staring at the little metal sphere in his hands that he stole from the Crest’s dashboard, completely transfixed by it like it was the most exhilarating thing in the world.

You on the other hand were on the verge of sleep. Your eyes were drooping and you kept yawning. Taking care of the kid was a tiresome task, especially when  you didn’t have Din around to help at all. You were sat in Dins seat, letting yourself fall into it. You missed him, which sounded silly considering he had only been gone for less than twenty-four hours. But you had to fight back the urge to radio him in, just to hear his voice. You had gotten used to his constant company and being in the Crest without him was odd. He was just an overwhelmingly sweet presence for you and without him, it felt a little less safe and a little less warm. 

Your dreary eyes drifted down to the child, who was sat in your lap and looked up at you, showing you the ball in his hands. You nodded slowly, your mind seeming to process things about ten times slower than usual. “Very neat, booger.”

The kid looked away from you, seemingly satisfied with you acknowledging his metal ball and looking back down on it. You let out another loud yawn, your eyes slowly drifting closed. You were just going to relax, not sleep. Just rest your eyes for a minute...

Then there was a loud clatter than woke you up. Your body lunged forwards and you looked to see that the kid was still awake, sat in your lap,  with the ball in his hand, but his ears twitching and his vision direction towards the ladder leading down to the hull of the ship. “Anybody there?” You called out.

You picked him up, pulling him close against your chest as you approached the ladder. You peaked down into the hull, your head hanging a little from your position. You looked around. The latch of the door was closed, nothing seemed out of place.  “Hello?”

No other noise was made, no response meaning Din wasn’t back yet to your dismay. You looked over at the kid, who was intently staring into the hull of the ship, his ears still twitching like he was listening for something. “It’s just us kid. This piece of junk ship just makes noises sometimes.” The kid looked up at you briefly before turning back to the hull. “We should get some sleep.”

The kid still seemed totally fine, no hint of fatigue on any of his features. You let out a small sigh. This was going to be a long night. You carefully stepped down the ladder, making your way towards your cot when you heard another noise. You whipped your head around, identifying that it came from the refresher. You put the kid down on your cot quickly and lifted up a finger to your lips, hoping that the kid would understand and be quiet. He simply looked up at you and you turned around, your right hand resting on the blaster kept on your side. You made your way towards the refresher, hoping it was just Din who saw you asleep and didn’t want to wake you up to let you know he was back. But deep down, you knew it wasn’t Din. And he had told you this planet didn’t have a big population and you were far from any towns where there would be people. Meaning if there was someone in the ship, it was probably either Din or his bounty. 

You stopped walking, considering your options. You had your radio, maybe you could call Din in. But if there was someone there, they’d probably hear you do it and then what would you do? And what if Din was far away and couldn’t get back quickly enough?

Or what if this wasn’t his bounty and something else entirely? Din didn’t have a tracking fob this time, just a location. You knew Din was good at his job and if his bounty was here, he should be here. So if he isn’t, maybe there was someone else in here.

You turned back to look up at the kid, to check if he was still in the spot where you left him, only to find he wasn’t. “Shit.” You whispered under your breath. You looked all around but couldn’t find the kid. Sometimes he liked to hide from you, thinking it was great when you found him, but right now was not the time for hide and seek. “Kid, where are you?”

You turned around completely, back facing the door to the refresher as you ducked to see if he was below your bed. No luck. You let out a sigh. You couldn’t do anything without knowing where the kid was. That was too risky. “Womp rat, where did you go?”

All the air left your lungs as you felt a huge slam into your back, bringing you down onto the floor. You landed face down, your whole body pulsing from the pain. Your body throbbed from the impact and your hands just barely reached out to stop you from slamming your skull into the metal floor of the ship. You quickly pulled yourself up and turned to see a Klatooinian staring back down at you. His face bunched up into a growl and he snarled at you, glaring at you with a fierceness in his eyes. “What the kriff?” You yelled out.

The creature held a blaster right at your face, not bothering to say anything, and let out deep breathes, his chest heaving. You quickly popped back up on your feet, trying to knock the blaster out of his hand. But instead the man fired a shot, hitting the floor of the ship as you jerked out of the way. Your head turned quickly, just to make sure the kid wasn’t anywhere near the blast. You were satisfied when you found no kid, but also worried as to where he could be. You didn’t want him getting caught in the cross fire. And you certainly didn’t want this creature finding him. You needed to get rid of him, before he hurt the kid or you.

Your hand reached for the blaster on your side, just starting to curl around the smooth metal of it, when you heard a small noise emit from behind the Klatooinian. The man and you both turn to look in the same direction, your vision landing on the child who stood in the corner of the room with the ball in his hand. His face was crumpled up into a little frown, clearly not too pleased by the presence of the man before him, but he didn’t do anything except just stand there. “Shit.”

Your fingers just started to pull on your blaster, not even able to pull it out completely, before the man turned back to you, snarling again and rising a leg to kick one of your knees, your leg buckling in on yourself and dropping you against the floor. You let out a yelp from the pain, your right hand still itching towards your blaster, but your other hand landing on the floor beside you, trying to steady yourself. He spat into your face and a thick glob landed on your cheek that you wiped away with a growl. He turned back around towards the kid, stomping closer to him with the blaster aimed at his little body. “You son of a bitch!” you yelled out, trying to distract him, just do anything so he wouldn’t harm the kid and the kid could scurry away. He turned to look back at you, letting out a harsh laugh.

There was no way you were going to let this man hurt the child. Din trusted you to protect him, so you were going to do it. You rise to your feet again, your landing a little sloppy due to your knee, and you go to reach for the blaster when you feel a tingling sensation through your whole body. The fatigue and pain fades away, and for a second you think it’s just a rush of adrenaline from the situation until you realize you’ve felt this feeling before. It’s been a very long time, but it is strong and it is undeniable.

You feel an energy fill every part of your body. It seems to fill your pores, soak into your bones, and lift you up. It penetrated every part of your being and you feel more powerful than you had in a very long time. You haven’t felt the Force flow within you for many years, but the feeling is just as intoxicating as it was before and it seems to clear all your senses. Your right hand eases away from the blaster on your side and instead you bring it up, your body seeming to work on its own without a second thought. You watch as the Klatooinian stumbles back slightly before you curl your fingers a little. One of his dirty hands reaches for his throat, trying to tear something away from it, as the blaster in his order hand drops to the ground. You squeeze your hands together a little tighter to which the creature let’s out a ragged gasp, his other hand reaching up as well as shock paints his face. You don’t even fully realize what is happening, just letting your powers take hold of you. The man begins to lift a little from where he stood in the hull, his feet dangling slightly in the air as he continues to gasp and take in shallow breaths that are beginning to fade. 

Your hands tighten up even more and you watch as his face begins to turn into a shade of blue, his eyes bulging from the pressure as you continue. It seems like only mere seconds until he let’s out one more choked breath before falling limp. And like you had been on the verge of choking as well, you let out a loud gasp as you drop your hand, and the creatures body falls to the floor right in front of the child and you. You feel like time finally resumes to normal after it was going at warp speed. You had felt like time was just flashing in your face and you weren’t even able to realize what was happening until it was too late. You look at the body on the ground before you and you let out a choked sob, crumbling to the floor. The fatigue from earlier settles back into your body, but now tenfold from the energy you just exhausted. You let out a whimper as the child begins to waddle towards you, walking around the body. 

What had you done? You hadn’t used the Force in years because the last time you had, it had resulted in a dead body as well. You swore to never use it again, in fear you’d use what was supposed to be this precious gift to harm somebody. You hadn’t felt that feeling in so long and the first time you had after all these years, you had used it to kill. You can’t stop the tears falling down your face or the way you let in small, panicked breathes. The child finally makes his way over to you and goes to hand you his small metal sphere, something to comfort you. You let out a small noise as you look down at him. He looked up at you with complete trust in his eyes and you wonder if he understood what you did, if he had felt the Force like you had. If he understand the harm you had caused with it.

A pop of static pops through and it takes you a second to register that it is the radio Din had given you earlier. “Cyar’ika, you there?”

You are barely able to turn, but you look back at your cot and the radio you had tossed on it earlier in the day. You reach a shaky hand out, your fingers, the same ones you had squeezed the life out of the man just minutes earlier, wrapping around the device. You turn it on, trying to control your breathing as you let out a small, “Yeah.”

You hear him panting and you can tell he is running. “The bounty is heading towards you guys right now, I think. Lock everything down and get your blaster. I’ll be there in a minute.”

You feel a tear roll down your cheek. “Din, he already came here.” You drop the radio, ignoring as Din continues calling through, repeating your name. The kid tries to climb in your lap and you limpy lay a hand on his little body, your gaze never moving away from the body.

_____________________

“Cyar’ika, what happened?”

You looked up to see Din standing in the hull of the Crest, standing in front of the body and looking back and forth between it and yourself. His chest was heaving and small pants made their way through his modulator. He had ran the whole way here, worried sick after you had spoken with him. Your hands were still shaking so badly and your whole body felt fatigued. If you weren’t so wired from the anxiety, you would probably have passed out by now. You slowly brought a trembling hand up to wipe away at your tears, a fruitless effort because more just ran down your cheeks. The child shuffled off your lap, starting to waddle towards Din with his arms reached out for a hug. You sniffled, looking at Din and the child and the ship. Anywhere but at the creature laid out on the ground before you.

“H-he came here.”

Din let out a loud sigh. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

You got annoyed at yourself for the frustration you felt at what he said. Din didn’t know about your powers. Hell, you didn’t even know you still had this in you. He also didn’t know the bounty would get to you before he caught him. It wasn’t his fault. But you had pleaded with him to take you and if he had, you wouldn’t be in this mess. The worst thing that would of happened was the Crest would of been robbed. There wouldn’t be a body in front of you. One you had killed in such a grotesque way. You wouldn’t feel this self hatred seeping into you.

But instead of yelling at Din, you just pulled your legs up against you, wanting to block yourself from this moment. You choked back some sobs rather pathetically, small whimpers still drifting from your lips along with sniffling. “I d-did it. He had the blaster aimed at the k-kid.”

“It’s okay. You did what you had to do.”

Yeah, you did what you had to do. But you didn’t have to do it like that. You remembered the first time you had used the Force to kill someone. You watched the life drain from that Imperial officers face as he tried to block you from your parents. The pit in your stomach was so heavy, it felt like it was weighing you down. Your grandmother had taught you how people used the Force to harm and kill, and how the power that came with it drove people to the dark side, to madness. You remembered her telling you how she had never used the Force to kill and making you vow the same. And you had broken that vow, multiple times now.

This wasn’t supposed to be you. The Force, and the power it gave you, was supposed to be pure and good. Used to heal and connect. Used to help you and aid you, not coldly strike down your enemies like they were nothing. Because if you did that, how were you any different from them? And how far would you go? What if one day you couldn’t control it and accidentally hurt Din or the child?

That thought forced a sob out of you and you let yourself fall apart. You buried your face in your legs, not wanting Din to see you like this.

“Kriff, what happened?” You heard Din step towards you and bend down at the knees, resting a hand on your back. “Sweet one, talk to me.”

You looked up at him, seeing your reflection in his helmet and wincing. You looked away from him.

“I choked him.” You left out how, just letting him assume you had done so with your hands. You watched his helmet turn to the body before it drifted to the blaster still attached to your hip. You knew what he was thinking. Why wouldn’t you had just used the blaster? “I had to.”

That was a lie. But Din didn’t need to know that. Din couldn’t know that. “Okay... that’s fine.” Din brought his hand up to the helmet to rub at it, like one would do with their temple when having a bad headache. “This is okay. You should go shower and calm down. I’ll take care of... this.”

You felt even guiltier. Now Din had to deal with your mess and you didn’t even know if he was supposed to bring the man in alive or not. What if you had messed up his bounty? “I’m sorry.”

Din shook his head. “Don’t apologize. You protected the kid. I’m proud of you.”

You tried your best not to cry at his answer. Din shouldn’t be proud of you. What you had done was not honorable. Not something to take pride in. Instead you wiped at your face, nodding. “Okay.”

Din stood up, holding his hands out for you. You grabbed onto them and he helped you rise up from your place on the floor. You fell into Din, feeling extremely weak and like your legs were numb, your knee still throbbing from earlier. You let out a reassurance that you were okay to Din, feeling his concern washing over you, and forced yourself to let go of him. You trudged away to the refresher without another word, wanting to wash away what had happened, even though you knew it would haunt you.

_____________________

When you finally walked back into the hull of the ship, you were shocked by how spotless it was. Din had cleaned up anything that had been tossed about during the attack. The kid was in his hover pram, asleep and letting out little snores. Din was sat on the floor, now in what appeared to be his pajamas, the only piece of metal on his body being his helmet. Most notably, the body was gone, now frozen in carbonite instead of laid out on the floor. You were glad to not see it but it still didn’t settle the uneasiness you felt.

“Hey, sweet one.” You closed your eyes at Din’s words, letting them soak into you. You needed Din right now, as much as you shouldn’t. He was like a life preserver while you are drowning. You weren’t sure if you deserve it, but you were going to cling to it.

“Hey.” You whisper out and Din rises from the floor, walking over to where you stood. He didn’t say anything, just pulling you into his arms as he embraced you. You knew Din wasn’t used to affection like this, perhaps never having gone out of his way to hug someone before you, and you were so grateful he was willing to do it for you. You allowed yourself to be swallowed by his large frame, your arms wrapping around his lower back. You rested your head on his shoulder, your wet hair probably getting his shirt soaked but he didn’t seem to care.

You finally pulled away and Din’s helmet looked down on you. “You look exhausted.”

You were exhausted. Absolutely drained in every way: physically, mentally, spiritually. Using the Force earlier had emptied you of all the strength you had, and the emotional turmoil after that had just piled on top of it. But you also didn’t want to sleep. You didn’t want to lay on your cot on the floor alone, where you could replay what had happened time and time again. Where you could drift into a sleep that would remind you of the horrors of your past or of today. Sleep already didn’t come too easy to an individual like yourself and todays events would make it even harder. “I’m okay.”

“It’s late. You should sleep.” Din gestured over to where he usually slept. “You take my bed tonight.”

“No. I’m fine.” You honestly didn’t plan on sleeping. You would probably trudge your way up to the cockpit and just stare out the window, thinking and dwelling on your mistakes. On the person you had become.

“You need to rest. I will sleep on your bed.”

“Din, I barely fit on that cot. You won’t fit. And you’ve been up all day. You need proper rest.”

Din shook his head. “You had a rough day today. I’ll be fine.”

You let out a sigh. “I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Not after... not after today.”

“What if I make you some tea? You can relax and you’ll eventually drift off.”

While the idea of Din making you tea absolutely melted your heart, you shook your head. “Tea won’t help.”

“What will?”

The only thing that helped was standing right in front of you. “You.”

Din nodded and one of his hands reached out for yours, grabbing it. “Come on.”

“What-”

“Shh. I got you, sweet one.” Din walked around, turning off all the lights on the Crest besides the small one right above his bed. Dins grip was strong, reassuring, and he let you drift with him towards the bed. You wanted to argue but your body was so tired and so was your brain, and Din was so strong right now. “Lay down.”

You nodded hesitantly, crawling into his cot and laying back into it. It wasn’t comfortable per say, but it seemed heavenly compared to the cot you usually slept on. It also smelled like cinnamon and something like bark. It was Din: alluring and inviting and primal. You let out a hum, letting the padding of the mattress envelope your frame. You then felt some shifting and lifted your head slightly to see Din crawling in besides you. “Din, what-”

“Scoot over a little, cyar’ika.” You shuffled, almost pressing against the wall. Din’s cot was very small, making it so you couldn’t help but to feel him press up against you as he settled down next to you. “I’m going to turn out the lights and then take my helmet off, okay?”

You let out a hum, looking forward to hearing Dins voice. The light went out and you couldn’t see anything, not even your hand in front of your own face. It was completely pitch dark, nothing to see. But even when you heard the click and hiss of the helmet being removed, you still closed your eyes, just in case. You felt Din shuffle around some more, clearly trying to give you enough space. But with the tight quarters, you could still feel his legs nudge against yours and his shoulder touch your back a little. Part of you wanted to lean into him but you didn’t want to invade his personal space more than you already were. “Are you okay with this?

You smile as you hear his voice, feeling so incredibly grateful that you were privy to it. That Din trusted you enough to let you in and take his helmet off around you. You were sure it wasn’t an easy feat. You nodded, but realized he probably couldn’t see you, so you let out a small, “Yes.”

You lay there in silence for a little while until you shift to your other side, no longer facing the wall. You come to the realization that you are probably facing Din, not being able to see a thing but knowing his face was so close to yours. You could probably reach out and touch it, feel the angles and curves of it. “Sweet one?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you never have to hide anything from me. Right?”

The question alone makes your heart break, and the inflection in his tone adds to it. It is heavy and curious. You know Din is an exceptionally smart man, more intelligent than most people would realize. And you also knew that he knew you very well, more than anybody else. Of course Din would notice how bizarre your reaction to todays events had been. He knew that wasn’t your first kill and knew that you were always willing to do what you had to do, especially if that meant protecting someone you loved. His curiosity was only natural. But you also knew you couldn’t tell him and that hurt him. He’d wonder why you couldn’t trust him with something but he also didn’t know how substantial the secret you were keeping from his was. You just whisper out, “Of course.” and feel like you wanna crawl in on yourself. Din trusted you with so much but you couldn’t tell him this. And that broke you.

“Okay.” You know he doesn’t believe you, that he knows you are keeping something from him. But he doesn’t push you, which you are thankful for.

“You know you mean everything to me, right?” His voice is so soft, his words melting in your ears, and you feel your heart clench. You knew deep down, in every way, you were in love with Din Djarin. It wasn’t a matter of maybe or one day you could be. You were head over heels for the man and everyday your affection for him grew stronger and stronger. And he meant everything to you. You’d do anything for him - even if it meant making tough decisions.

You didn’t trust yourself to not say anything stupid, so you simply scooted closer to him. Din slowly reached an arm out to you, bringing you in closer to him. You felt your body press against his and felt so secure. Even though he didn’t have the armor on, you felt safer in his arms than anywhere else. Your head rested against his shoulder and you closed your eyes. “Thank you, Din.”

You felt his chest rumble with a little hum and placed your hand on it, over his heart. You felt his chest rise and fall, giving you peace. You then drifted off, falling asleep in the arms of the man you loved for the first time.

And the last.

_____________________

Din was back in the field of flowers, sitting on top of a blanket with the warm sun shining on his face. He took a deep breath in, inhaling the scent of all the flowers. He could hear children’s giggling somewhere from behind him, knowing they were playing. He reached his hand up, realizing his helmet wasn’t on. He wasn’t actually in any armor: just a pair of pants and a plain shirt, no shoes, and his hair wildly tossed about on his head. The thought of not wearing his helmet, or his armor for that matter, usually terrified him but he felt as ease, knowing he was completely safe.

“Din, the child is trying to teach our son to eat butterflies.” He whipped his head around, watching as she approached his spot on the blanket, sitting down next to him. She has a bright smile on her face and wore a white dress that was flowing in the breeze. A few flowers were stuck in her hair which was pulled into a beautifully braided bun. Din’s eyes followed down to her hands to see a ring on her finger. He looked at his hand to find a matching one, made of the same metal: beskar.

“W-what?” Din mumbled out, seeming shocked by the sound of his own voice. He felt at peace but he was also confused. This wasn’t his life. But maybe he could pretend it was for a little bit.

She reached her hand out to brush back some of Din’s hair, her fingers brushing past his cheek as she brought it back down. He swore he almost fainted at the feeling of her touching his face. It was so soft and loving. A feeling he could never get sick of. “Isn’t this nice?”

Din nodded, feeling a smile grace his features as he kept looking at his cyar’ika, not wanting to tear his eyes away. “Yes.”

She let out a small chuckle and Din reached his hands out. He cupped her face but froze when the smile on her face dropped, her features melting into sadness. “Sweet one, what’s wrong?”

Tears surged at her eyes and Din felt something begin to crumble. That’s when he realized she was literally crumbling away before him, her body falling apart. “Too bad you couldn’t save us either.”

“No. No, no. I can. I know I can.”

“It’s too late.”

Din felt a sob crawl up his throat as she disappeared right before him, turning into nothing but a pile. He turned to look behind him, to where he heard the children laughing, but realized he was no longer in the field of flowers, but in Aq Vetina. Everything was being destroyed in front of him. “No. Please. I can protect them.” He didn’t know exactly who he was pleading to but he felt every bone in his body fill with dread. Din had only ever felt this kind of fear once before, when he had lost his parents in this very place.

“Din, you took your helmet off.” He turned around, to see The Armorer from Navarro. She stood, towering above him, her golden armor seeming to be the only color anymore. She shook her head disapprovingly, and Din felt like a child in The Watch again, being degraded for something he had done wrong.

“I need to save her.” He begged, looking to where his riddur was and finding absolutely nothing. He let out a choked sob as he looked back up at the Armorer. He needed her help. More than anything. He didn’t know what to do without his sweet one. And his child.  “And the kid. I can protect them.”

“You broke your creed.”

“I did it for her.” Din knew he’d do anything for her, even if it meant losing himself.

“And now you lost her. Just like your family.”

Din felt tears fall down his cheeks when he heard a loud bang behind him and the ground shake. He turned to see the droid, the one that had tried to kill him when he was young and locked away in that hatch before his parents died. But this time, Din knew there was no Mandalorian coming to save him. And just like everything around him, he was going to be destroyed.

_____________________

Din let out a small gasp as he jerked awake. He heard a small sigh next to him and suddenly realized where he was. He was on the Crest, in his bed with her. She was asleep next to him, her head resting on his shoulder and hand placed on his chest. Din let out a sigh of relief when he realized that she was safe. It had only been a horrible dream. Nothing more.

Her body against him was warm, the blanket strewn lazily across their legs. His bed wasn’t very large which made it so they were in very close proximity. He couldn’t see much in the dark, more accustomed to it than she was but still feeling partially blind. He knew she couldn’t see a thing with the door to his cot closed, making it pitch black. Part of Din wished he could have just the smallest bit of light so he could look on her, but that was too risky when he didn’t have his helmet on. He could feel her anyways, and that was good enough. The feeling of her chest rising and falling with each breath she took was a reminder she was alive and there, with him. And with his arm around her, he knew she was safe, even if it was only for this moment.

But then he remembered earlier. He shouldn’t have left her alone. He should of given in to her nagging and let her come with him. At least he would of been able to keep an eye out for the kid and her. Keep them safer than he had. The first time Din left them and somebody attacked her. The very bounty he was meant to catch had found her and she had to deal with the repercussions of that.

Din felt horribly for the way she felt. The guilt seemed like a blanket weighing down on her and Din had to admit he was slightly shocked by her reaction. He had trusted her to stay alone because he knew how strong she was and that she could take care of what she had to. Din had seen her before, knew she wasn’t afraid to do what it takes to protect herself and the kid. The first day they had met she had killed in order to help the kid and him and it didn’t seem like she was phased at all by it.

But today was different. He could tell that killing that Klantooinian had done something to her. But Din couldn’t tell why. It wasn’t just her being shaken up. And Din didn’t even think she felt guilty per say, like she shouldn’t have killed him. He was a danger to the kid and she was a fierce protector, much like Din. So what had bothered her so much about it?

Din thought maybe it was the way she killed him, having to do it with her hands instead of the blaster. But even the manner of death confused him. Ever since they had been attacked weeks and weeks ago, she had always kept a blaster on her side, attached to her hip like it was just a part of her. She slept with one under her pillow, kept one in the refresher even, just in case. And when Din walked into the Crest, the blaster had still been on her hip. It hadn’t been lost or used against her. She could of used it instead of choking him. It would of been easier and considerably less strenuous.

But even if she was in a situation where she couldn’t use it, Din didn’t know if he believed she had choked him. The creatures neck had no markings. If she had choked him enough to kill him, it would of required a lot of pressure. Enough to bruise him and leave a fresh mark of finger prints against his skin. But there was none of that. His neck was a little red, but not enough to indicate that anything substantial had happened. Choking a man like that also would of required a lot of strength. And while she was strong, he didn’t know how she would of had the ability to overpower him and keep him down long enough to get the job done.

So Din was left contemplating what else may of happened. He considered that maybe the child had used his abilities. He had seen the kid try to choke Cara that one time. But the kid looked like he was going to pass out before he could finish the job. And if the kid did do it, it made no sense that she wouldn’t tell him about it. She knew about the kids powers and knew that Din was aware of them. She would of been shocked by them, but she wouldn’t have lied to Din, not told him about what the kid had done. And when Din had come back, the child was wide awake, bustling with energy. It didn’t seem like he had exerted any energy and every time the kid used his powers, it took a lot out of him. The kid hadn’t looked like he had lifted a finger.

Which meant it was her. But, how did she do it? Din had looked over the body and there was nothing. No blaster marks, no stab wounds. No bleeding or bruising. No marks. Nothing. As far as Din could tell, the guy had just dropped dead. But that was impossible. Something had to have been done. Something she did. But Din couldn’t think of what it was.

But, the thing that was driving him crazy the most was that she wouldn’t tell him. He knew that she trusted him on some level or another. But perhaps he had overestimated how much she had. Maybe a woman like her would never trust a person completely. And Din couldn’t blame her for that. But it also hurt because Din trusted her with ever fiber of his being. So why couldn’t she tell him? What was she keeping from him?

Din shook his head, trying to rid himself of these thoughts. It would do him no good to dwell on it. It would only drive him nuts. Maybe one day he would ask her about it or maybe one day she would trust him enough to tell him. Din could wait for that day. For now, Din was just going to thank the galaxy that she was okay. Din pulled her in a little closer, hearing her let out a little noise but not waking her. He nervously placed a small kiss on her head and closed his eyes. And he whispered one thing, one thing he didn’t know if he’d ever have the strength to tell her while she was awake.

“I love you, cyar’ika.”

_____________________

Din was in the shower and had just turned on the water, which meant if you were going to do this, you had to do it now.

You haphazardly threw all your important belongings in your bag. Din had mentioned his bounty had a small ship of some kind and it wasn’t too far from the Crest, perhaps only a few hundred feet. It would be hard but if you ran fast, you might be able to make it before Din realized what was happening. You had told him to take a nice, long relaxing shower and he had said once he was done, he had to go into hyperspace to turn in his bounty on some planet.

You heard a little squeak behind you and paused. You turned to look over at the child, who was sitting upright in his hover pram and staring straight at you. You swore that the child knew what you were planning, his face turned into a contemplative frown, his eyes looking at you with confusion. He reached a hand towards you and you turned away, knowing you couldn’t look at him more. It only made what you had to do harder.

You had to leave. For so many reasons.

You couldn’t help with the kid in the way you needed to. In the way Din didn’t even know you needed to. You were a Jedi, but a weak one. One who didn’t even want or really know how to use her powers anymore. Only using them for violence. You couldn’t trust yourself with your ability. You would never harm a hair on the child or on Din, but you feared so badly you would lose control like other Jedis had done before. That you would hurt the very things you loved most. And that wasn’t a risk you were willing to take.

You also knew how close Din was to you. How much he trusted you and the risks he was willing to take for you. And you weren’t worthy of that. And Din deserved someone better. Someone who didn’t have so much baggage and someone who didn’t need for him to constantly be there. He should be showing his kindness and compassion to someone who deserved it. And the longer you stayed, the longer you’d be dragging Din further into your mess. He would open up more and more, only to be hurt. Because you knew you couldn’t keep this secret forever. And this secret would hurt him.

You considered yourself a strong woman, even from a young age. Your family taught you to be resilient. Your grandmother taught you to not take shit from anyone, to be a force to be reckoned with. Your mother taught you to be kind but to also protect yourself. Your father taught you to be a hard worker and an honest person. You were usually able to protect yourself from others and make the right decisions. And a moment like this required you to be strong against your own emotions and feelings. You loved Din. You loved the child. You wanted nothing more than to stay with him and be with him. To protect and cherish the little family you had been given. But, you needed to make the right decision. You had to protect Din and the kid from yourself. There was a reason you were alone for so long on Yungbrii. Because everyone you loved got hurt. And nothing had led you to believe that the same thing wouldn’t happen to Din and the kid, whether it was by your hands or someone elses.

You slung your bag around your shoulders. It was heavy, but you tried to take only the necessities. You avoided the child’s gaze as you turned. “I’m sorry, kid. I really love you. And your dad. But I need to go.”

You felt tears prick at your eyes as you reach one hand up to the necklace around your neck. You pull it over your head, looking down at the sigil. You turn it over, reading the engraving on the back one final time. Your eyes close and you take in a deep breath. Your feet stumble over to go to Din’s cot, turning off the light and laying the necklace on his pillow, the very one you both had rested your heads on last night. You close the door, hoping that maybe Din would just think you were sleeping a little more. You turn towards the hatch of the Crest, taking a step forward when you hear the child let out another small noise. But this time you don’t turn around. You just open the door of the Crest.

And run.

Tag List: @ilikethoseodds @dindaddy @poguesvixen @starspangledwidow @fangirlalexia @the-scandalorian @ka-x-in @keepcalmandblogstuff​

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 3 | S.R.)

Summary: Spencer decides to return to a previous tryst. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Dom!Spencer, handcuffs, hair pulling, oral, fingering, penetrative sex, rough sex Word Count: 9k

MASTERLIST | Series Masterlist

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It was a Saturday night and I had nothing to do. My roommate had gone home for the weekend and all my other friends were at bars. I could've joined them, but it just didn't seem worth it. The last time had been so perfect, I just couldn't imagine that anything else could compare.

I'd tried going back to the same area a few times, but I never saw him again. Then again, seeing me back there might just piss him off. Then again, that would've been okay, too. He was pretty cute when he was mad.

But I wasn't looking at a cute boy that night. No, I was just sitting in my apartment, staring at the textbook that I wasn't even interested in reading. Wishing that something could save me from the boring limbo I had found myself in.

Then, like magic, my phone stirred to life beside me.

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

I looked down at the LED, fully expecting it to just be someone tagging me in a picture of a cat. But it wasn't. The number was one I had saved in my phone, hoping that I would see it pop up again one day.

It had been almost a month. I didn't think it would ever happen. But there it was; a text message from Dr. Reid himself.

"Hey (y/n)."

When I slid the message open, I saw he was still typing.

"Long time no talk," was his second message.

That was an understatement.

"Hey yourself."

It was a cursory response. I wanted him to sweat a bit. He'd made me wait, so now he had to deal with the consequences. But then I changed my mind and immediately followed with a second text of, "Texting isn't talking you know."

"You never called. Why should I?" His response was so quick I swore he'd planned this all out in his head. He was playing me like a chess board. Bet he was good at that, too.

"It takes two to tango, Dr. Reid," I jokingly replied.

He read the message, but he didn't answer.

Getting nervous that he was losing interest, I continued typing.

"I figured you wouldn't want to see me again after I made you late. Are those marks still there?"

I smiled at the memory, because I knew he wasn't there to call me out for it. By the time he'd finally made it down to his ride, I had covered his neck in petechiae and his back was equally marked with scratches.

I'd wanted him to remember me.

It'd worked, too.

He'd been typing for a while and I was getting anxious. It had been a bold message to send, and I didn't really think it through.

Was he trying to let me down easy? No, that didn't make any sense. Who the fuck texts a one night stand at 10:30 PM on a Saturday after not speaking for a month just to end things?

He responded.

"Sadly, no. And I wouldn't be so quick to assume I don't want to see you because of that... Revenge is a powerful motivator."

That was the cheeky bastard I wanted to see. I could be cheeky, too.

"Is it?" I asked.

"Where are you tonight?"

His answers were starting to make my heart race. I had to get ready, because he was definitely about to ask me to be his booty call and I was definitely going to do it. Closing my textbook, I shot back another teasing reply.

"Not a club. I'm being a good girl tonight. All by my lonesome."

Thank god my roommate wasn't here and I had somehow been bored enough to clean today. I pulled out my make up and turned the light on my mirror on. As I started to apply it, I got a message that immediately solidified my answer to his inevitable proposition.

"Do you want to change that?"

'God, yes, I do.'

I waited another minute, wanting to be able to finish at least the bare minimum before he saw me. I knew he wasn't a superficial guy, but the last time he'd seen me I had gone full out.

"Which part?" I responded, already knowing his answer.

"Both."

So unpredictable in the most satisfying way.

I took a deep breath and a pause, tapping back a confident reply.

"Are you trying to entrap me, Agent?"

His reply was within seconds, and I was immediately reminded of how incredibly clever this man was. He knew exactly what to say to make me melt.

"Is that what you want?"

I wanted to pick up the phone, dial, and scream yes. But I didn't, opting instead for a calm and composed, "That would certainly be exciting."

My application grew significantly quicker, and I was already eyeing the special drawer I had for these exact situations. My mind was running through my collection of sheer fabrics and lace details, trying to decide what would work best.

Then he said the magic words:

"Send me your address."

Spencer was coming over, and it wasn't a dream. I was going to have that strange, brilliant, beautiful man back in my arms and I wasn't going to fuck it up. With shaking hands, I thumbed out my address with no other commentary. In a few seconds, I would know how long I had until Spencer Reid was in my apartment.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes."

Thank god. It was time enough to prepare.

—————————————————

Spencer Reid was going to be at my door at any minute, and I was suddenly terrified that he'd be disappointed. Convinced that I'd done everything wrong.

We'd had a good time before, right? I'd played over and over again in my head ever since it happened. I was reminded of the soft way he'd touched me in the morning, the childish laughs we'd shared, and the smell of his cologne on the sheets.

God, I hoped he wouldn't be disappointed.

Knock Knock Knock.

When I heard the sound, I immediately tried to fix my appearance in the mirror despite having spent the last 20 minutes doing whatever I could given the time. I had opted for one of my easier-to-remove loungewear pieces. A simple white lace negligee. He seemed like he'd like simple. The little hint of purity, however silly, would also probably appeal to him.

Slowly exhaling, I composed myself before opening the door.

"Hello, Dr. Reid."

He looked as handsome as ever, although I did have the distinct impression that it had been awhile since he had a full nights sleep. I wondered why, but decided not to dwell on it. 

"Hello yourself," he responded, his eyes ravaging my figure the very moment I stepped out from behind the door. He waited for me to take a step back and fully open the door before he walked in, and I watched the way he scanned my apartment.

I wondered what he saw.

"How can I help you, Agent?"

It was a tease, and based the look on his face when he finally turned to me, it took him a moment to figure it out. He was too much in his work brain. I could feel it. I'd never seen him at work, but I could tell.

"You seem tense," I spoke coyly, stepping closer and running my hands up his chest and onto his shoulders.

He didn't speak; instead his gaze bored into me, like he was going to lose his composure any second. But he held himself back. 

"Can I help you with that?"

That dark shine in his eyes was getting stronger.

"That depends."

As he spoke the words, he finally touched me, a sneaky hand finding its way to my hip. I gasped at the sensation and my eyes fluttered shut. He always had this immediate intoxicating effect on me that I just couldn't explain. I didn't care to, either. I just wanted to keep feeling it.

"Hmm... On what?" I murmured.

I tried to keep track of his hand as it sneaked to my lower back before pulling me closer. I tilted my head to look up at him as I opened my eyes. I just wanted to see that look again. That starved, possessive stare that made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

Although he appeared stoic, I knew there was something brewing. I knew that he was reveling in the effect he had on me.

Such a quiet, peculiar mind.

"What do you have in mind?" he asked, and I recognized the question as something deeper.

He was asking me for my limits. He wanted me to tell him what he was allowed to do. I didn't know how to tell him that I would do anything for him.

How could he not already know my answer? Perhaps it was just his attempt at being a gentleman. But I didn't need him to do all of that tonight. I'd much rather see something more... feral.

"Whatever you need," I answered as sweetly as I could. 

I heard his soft chuckle. It brought a smile to both of our lips, and he used his free hand to stroke the side of my face. I quickly leaned into his touch, trying to prolong the contact for as long as I could. 

"Is that so?"

Yes, I thought before saying, "Anything."

His thumb glided over my cheek and to my lips, gently separating them as he stared at me with a morbid curiosity. He was wondering how far he could actually push me. So was I.

In lieu of an answer, I slipped his thumb into my mouth, running my tongue up it before closing around it. The gentle sucking was mixed with soft rotations of my tongue. His breathing rate increased as he stepped forward and pressed his body flush against mine.

"And if you change your mind?"

What a gentleman.

I wouldn't change my mind, but I chose to indulge him with the proper form. I released his thumb and held my mouth open for a second before biting down on my bottom lip.

"Hmmm," I hummed as I thought about what I might be able to say to set him off.

I needed a safe word that would drive him wild. The thing was, I only knew a few of his interests. But I did know enough.

"Starship," I giggled, a little nod to the enterprise we'd already bonded over.

The effect the word had on him was immediate. His hand shifted to hold my chin. He used that grip to push me against the wall to the side of us, and our mouths connected just as harshly.

What a ridiculously sexy nerd.

The impact of my back against the wall was nothing compared to the fire coursing through my veins. My hands scrambled to grab onto his belt buckle, already trying to unwrap the present meant just for me tonight.

Once I'd gotten the metal separated, I smiled into the sloppy, heated kiss. He stopped, pulling away just enough to look down at my satisfied grin. He didn't say anything.

"What's that look for?" I said with half-veiled bashfulness.

Had he noticed something strange that I hadn't intended to display? Was I going too fast?

"Nothing. It's just..."

'Please don't be something I did wrong.'

"You're so cute when you think you're in charge."

I couldn't control the way my hips rolled against the front of him as he spoke, and I licked my lips before concluding, "I am in charge."

I don't know how Spencer was so fast, but he was. Within seconds, he had both of my wrists pinned against the wall behind me. Just as quickly, he shifted so he could hold them both up with one hand, the other lifting the side of negligee so he could touch the skin of my hip. I wasn't wearing anything underneath.

"Adorable," he whispered to me.

Naturally, my body reacted by trying to regain control, to touch him more somehow. He knew this, which is why he took a step back, letting go of my wrists and watching them fall back to my control.

"Are you challenging me, Dr. Reid?"

He gave a content, sarcastic smile before shrugging.

"No, I'm not, actually. It's not a challenge if I already know I'm going to win."

I could barely notice the way I puffed out my own chest in response, ready to give him the challenge he was so clearly begging for.

"Fine."

I put my hands in the air in surrender, turning and strutting my fine ass down the hallway in front of him. I didn't turn around, and I didn't tell him to follow. He would. I was confident in that.

I took a seat on the side of my bed, crossing my legs over the other and looking down at my nails with a bored expression. Before I knew it, he was crossing the threshold into my room. He walked up to me, his hands in his pockets and a voice filled with too much confidence.

"I know what you're doing."

He had something up his sleeve. I could feel it.

"What am I doing, Dr. Reid?"

The way he approached me reminded me of a hunt. The cautious, quiet strides toward me were purposeful. He stopped just in front of me, with my foot resting against his shin.

"I thought I already warned you what would happen if you did this."

"Do what?" I feigned innocence, raising my hand to my neck before perching my chin on it and leaning forward.

"Tease me."

That time when his hand made contact, it was on the top of my head. He ran a gentle hand over my hand, and the feather light touches almost tricked me. I'd almost thought he just wanted to appease me. To end my temper tantrum. But shortly after he had gripped the back of my hair in his hand and used the new grip to roughly tilt my head back to him.

"I thought you said you were going to be a good girl tonight?"

I bit down harshly on my lip to stifle my giggle as he tightened his grip.

"Oops," I said with a smile.

Suppressing my laughs enough to string together a sentence, I pressed my hands against his chest while he maintained his grip on my hair.

"I guess if you really want me to be a good girl, Dr. Reid... You'll have to make me."

That instruction was what I needed to break the man in front of me. It was the command he'd been waiting for; the bait for him to finally take what he came for.

Before I knew it, he had spun me around. He abruptly yanked my arms behind me at the same time he bent me over the side of the bed. An unfamiliar, harsh, and fucking freezing material on my wrists told me all I needed to know. The clanking of the short chain when he released my hands was music to my ears.

That beautiful son of a bitch actually brought his handcuffs.

"At least one of us follows orders," I joked, happily remaining on display for the man behind me.

I'm sure he noticed earlier that there wasn't anything blocking him from taking what he wanted underneath the negligee. But he didn't take it. Instead, he pulled me up by the chain, letting me teeter onto my feet before he twirled me back to face him.

"Get ready to learn."

Spencer slowly began removing his tie from his neck while he watched me squirm. His threat raised the tension in the room, but he gave me no clue as to what he was about to make me do.

I couldn't wait.

Once he had removed his tie, he unbuttoned his shirt. It was infuriating not being able to touch him, and I was quickly becoming impatient. It was shocking that it somehow wasn't awkward. I guess I just liked him that much. My thighs were pressed together, and the friction from rubbing them back and forth was the only stimulation I could find right now.

He raised his eyebrows as he noticed, shooting me a warning glance that I knew meant to stop. I did, but only because I was worried he would make me wait even longer if I didn't.

"Get on your knees."

I swayed back and forth, prying my hands apart to shake the chain holding my hands back.

"I can't," I said with a pout.

Spencer seemed to be entertained, and for a moment I thought he might give in.

He leaned over, a quiet breath in my ear as he gave a few words of caution.

"Get on your knees or I will bend you over mine."

My legs shook at the way his breath felt on my ear, and the words made me want to melt. As always, he knew exactly how to get me to do what he wanted.

Deciding that I didn't want to be a full on brat right off the bat, I gradually lowered down to my knees and threw him yet another pout from my new position.

"I want to touch you," I whined before tugging at the chain again.

He must have known it was a test. I had been so open to the hand cuffs being on before, and I still was. I just wanted to see how much power my pout had. Judging from his response, my puppy dog eyes didn't have very much power at all.

"You don't need your hands for that."

In a twisted sort of way, I was glad. I wanted him to do whatever he needed. I wanted to be what he needed. I would be the fight he could always win.

So, when he finally pulled his pants down and let them fall to the ground in front of me, I leaned forward to reach him.

I was quickly stopped by stern hand fisting my hair once more, leaving me hanging in front of him with nothing fun to show for it. He didn't say anything, just watching me as I returned soft whines and rubbing my legs together again.

"For a brat, you're very eager. You don't even realize you're challenging my authority, do you?"

Per usual, he was right. Even on my knees and handcuffed before him, I was trying to take back my control. He at least offered me the control over my neck again, though. He released my hair, smoothing it over the top of my head as he licked his lips. I couldn't take my eyes off them.

"Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just let you beg."

I bounced on my knees, trying to express what I wanted without resorting to outright begging. Not yet.

"I'll listen to you, I promise." 

"Good," he acknowledged. "Open your mouth."

I obeyed, as I'd just said I would, opening my mouth wide with my tongue forward to receive him. As he pushed into my mouth, he would only give me a couple inches before retreating. He continued this pattern until he had gotten over half of it into my mouth.

That time, he paused, granting me a pleased groan as he let his head fall back. I responded in earnest, continuing to move forward as my tongue swiped over whatever it could reach. When I pulled back, I barely released any of him before going even further forward. I looked up at his face to see if he was impressed.

He was.

Shortly after, I choked as he hit the back of my throat. I receded enough to take a deep breath through my nose. I wished I could use my hands, but I appreciated the novelty of the cuffs for at least this one time.

I swore he heard my thoughts. Because after I finished my breath, his hands found the back of my head and pulled me even further onto him. If my hands were busy, he would just use his own.

That time as I choked, I swallowed. I could feel him slip further down my throat, blocking the air supply just for a second. When he pulled me back, I knew this was just the beginning.

Once he knew what I was capable of, he was ready to take control for good.

Sure enough, he set a moderate pace of thrusting into my throat, keeping direct eye contact with me as he did so. I paid all my attention on making sure I timed my breath, feeling tears prick the inside of my eyes as I let him take over.

He was so beautiful like this. I thought about what it must be like for him at his job, that I was the first thing he came to. I decided right then, that he would never feel powerless with me. I would be anything he needed.

Suddenly, his pace slowed down, eventually coming to a stop. He slipped himself out of my mouth, and the strings of spit snapped onto my chin. I couldn't do anything to stop the running make up or saliva with both of my hands behind my back.

I was certain I looked like an absolute mess. My knees were weak from the position, and Spencer had never looked so pleased. Bending over, he grabbed me under my arms and helped haul me  up onto the bed.

His hands casually wiped the tears from my cheeks, and he used the back of his hand to clean the area around my mouth.

"You are so beautiful," he uttered.

'Oh my god, I think I might love him.'

"You're not bad yourself," I croaked, my voice hoarse from what we'd just done.

"Tell me what you want," he dared me, his hand dropping from my hand down to my lap.

"Whatever you want."

It was the answer I had already promised him. I'd meant it before, and I'd meant it then.

He had still maintained eye contact, staring directly into my soul as he slipped his hand between my thighs. The lack of underwear made his job so much simpler, and I was thanking myself for not putting another barrier between the two of us.

Because as much as I wanted to be patient for him, I was growing desperate. Which is why when he finally touched me, his finger slid into my heat with ease. The slickness that had pooled was more than even I expected from the complete lack of stimulation I had received.

His finger wasn't there for long. He briskly removed it and held it up to my face before rubbing them together. He smiled as I struggled to breathe through the teasing.

"I've barely touched you... And yet..." he taunted, causing me to roll my hips, trying to get to something wholly out of my reach.

I was ready to start begging.

"Please, Spencer."

"Please what? Use your words."

He was loving it. He knew damn well that I had absolutely no control over what I wanted. I couldn't grab him, and I couldn't touch myself. All I could do was beg.

"Fuck me. Please."

It was as straightforward as I could possibly be.

"Still so impatient... so needy," he laughed, his hand returning to its place between my thighs.

I wailed as he began thumbing my clit. It was mind-numbing. He knew that I desperately wanted to be filled, and he was doing the exact opposite.

"Yes," I panted. "I need you. I need you to fuck me. Please."

Spencer didn't stop, continuing to stroke the bundle of nerves with quick, repetitive motions.

"Not yet, little girl," he growled in my ear.

It didn't take long for my cries to pick up, my hips rocking furiously as he drove me into my first orgasm. A steady flow of pants and cries were mixed with mangled attempts to call his name. He still didn't stop, refusing to touch me anywhere but the one spot until I finally ceased shaking.

I almost fell backwards, but he caught me with an arm around the waist. I could barely see straight, and ever such a gentleman, he held my delirious body upright for a moment. I could tell he was wondering if I was alright.

The concern mixed with overwhelming desire was too much. Even as he tortured me with pleasure, I could see what an incredibly kind man he was.

That was the only way this would work, I thought. I had to trust him. And I did. I trusted him with my life.

"Tell me what you want," he uttered, offering me a guilt-free retreat that I would not take.

"You," I purred. "I want you, Spencer."

Finally allowing himself to give in to both of our desires, Spencer turned me onto my stomach one more time. When I heard the crumpling noise of foil as he tore the condom wrapper open, I raised my hips into the air. I stood on my tip toes and rested my head and chest against the bed.

He didn't say anything else, lazily rubbing the head against my sex. A trembling, relieved sigh escaped my lips as I felt him breach my opening. He took his time inching into me, savoring the way I clenched around him as he stretched me open. I wished I could see the look on his face, but I could barely keep my eyes open as the rapture overtook me.

Once he was fully in me, he paused, grabbing hold of my locked wrists as yet another reminder that he was the one in charge. I

wasn't going to fight him if he kept it up, that was for sure.

Almost pulling himself entirely out, he jerked me back at the same time that he snapped his hips forward and bottomed out inside me. I yelled out at the sensation, which clearly urged him on. His pace went from composed to frenetic in a matter of seconds, and each time he would slam into me, I couldn't stop the loud moans and cries from spilling out of my mouth.

He didn't let them dissuade him. I was pretty sure that he very much enjoyed the fact that I couldn't control myself. That he was the one doing that to me. But, in typical, sympathetic Spencer fashion, he leaned over me from behind and wrapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the noises.

Didn't want to alert anyone of what was happening behind closed doors, after all.

I could barely breathe as he fucked me into the bed, my feet lifting off the ground from the sheer force he used in each thrust. I let him take out all his pent up frustration on me, enjoying the harsh sting as his skin slapped against mine.

I wasn't going to last much longer. We both knew that we were riding dangerously close to the edge. As much as I didn't want it to end, I was ready to fall off that cliff with him.

His thrusts became jagged and stunted, and my thighs tensed tightly together. I chanted his name into his hand, unable to control myself as I felt my muscles flutter around his cock, urging him to finish with me. He happily obliged, pulling me roughly back to him one more time. Our hips violently collided and he held me down as far as he could onto him before emptying himself into the latex.

I could feel the soft twitching of his cock, and I started to wonder things you're not supposed to wonder about a booty call. I'd come back to that later.

A booty call. A one-night-stand.

Were we still just that? I wasn't going to ask... yet.

It felt so cold when he peeled himself off my back and slowly removed all of himself from me. I whined at the friction following the overstimulation. My legs shook terribly as my feet scrambled to touch the floor.

I couldn't see him, but I heard him throwing the condom in the trash before going through his clothes. Soon after, his hands were gingerly repositioning mine, granting him access to remove the cuffs. Once he'd slipped them off, I realized just how numb my arms had gone. They flopped uselessly to my sides, and I struggled to move my fingers.

Spencer's arms were around me before I knew what was going on. Delicately, he turned me onto my back despite my protesting groans. His touch was so gentle in a way I can't explain. He was acting like I would shatter at his fingertips.

"Wait here," he spoke in a hushed voice, placing a gentle kiss against my cheek.

I would wait anywhere for him.

While I did just that, I moved just enough that my entire body was on the bed. I inched up to the pillows and waited to regain my strength. My wrists were irritated and dented, but I couldn't really care. If anything, it would serve as proof that this night wasn't just a wild fever dream.

I saw Spencer out of the corner of my eyes, carrying an assortment of items that I couldn't help but laugh at.

"I come bearing gifts," he snickered before gracelessly dropping two bottles of Gatorade, a bottle of Advil, and lotion onto my bed.

"My hero," I spoke through the daze as I watched him pull his underwear back on. Understanding that the Advil was to stop my wrists from hurting, I took a couple quickly before I couldn't help but snicker at the sight before me.

"Awwe. I like the way you look without them, though," I teased, motioning to bottom half. "You have a cute butt."

He just chuckled, sitting down next to me and pumping lotion into a hand before motioning for me to give him my wrist.

I turned onto my side and presented him with my hand. Once he started to work the tired, abused muscles, I watched his face. The way he carefully admired the muscles while he worked, like he was trying to rebuild my wrist to the way he found it. He was so careful.

After a few moments, he held out his hand to switch, to which I also obliged.

I muttered a soft, "Thank you."

He only gave me a fleeting glance before returning to our hands.

"It's the least I can do. After what you let me do."

It was a bit of a joke, but also very genuine. He didn't call it aftercare, but that's what this was. I was familiar with it.

He was good at it.

Once he was satisfied that my wrists were going to be okay, he turned to his side to look at me. I looked up at him and wondered if he noticed that I saw the world in his eyes. I wondered if he could sense the overwhelming joy that flowed between us. I wondered if it was just in my mind that it was going both ways.

"I hope you know that I really do appreciate you," he said with a surprisingly serious tone.

My heart fluttered in my chest in a very inappropriate manner.

"Is there anything you need from me?" he asked.

Yes, I wanted to answer. Everything.

I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn't.

This doesn't mean anything, I reminded myself. He was just doing what he had to.

"No," I lied, instead. 

I think he knew I was lying. Of course he knew. Nonetheless, he draped an arm over me and scooted closer to me until my head rested against his arm. He gave my forehead a chaste kiss, and moved his fingers unhurriedly against the bare skin of my back.

I could've fallen asleep just like that, but I didn't want to. I wanted to feel that close to him forever. The freedom and happiness flowing through me was so intoxicating that I'd started to think about my previous thoughts I had during sex.

He was about that age men started to want kids and...

"Do you want kids, Spencer?"

'Oh, fuck, did I say that out loud?'

He looked as surprised as me to hear the question, and for a moment his hands stopped clean in their tracks.

'Oh no.'

"Uhh," He cleared his throat, "Yeah, I do. Wh-Why do you ask?"

Although he continued to drag his fingers across my back, it was different now. He was suddenly much more distant. Because seriously, why the hell would he not? We barely knew each other, and I definitely sounded like a crazy person.

"I was just wondering. You're good at taking care of people."

It was true. If he noticed I was covering my ass, he didn't say anything about it. Thank god.

"I'm not actually too sure about that. Right now you just think I'm good at it because your body is coursing with endorphins and adrenaline. The chemical process of love is extremely finicky and easily mimicked. Especially post-orgasm. Once that goes away, you might find you feel differently about me."

I doubted it.

Still, I shifted away from him, backing up so I could see his face again.

He continued, "You know, almost half of women surveyed said they felt anxiety and overwhelming sadness after sex. They even coined a term for it, aside from the typical sub-drop discussed in communities of more extreme sex. 'Post-coital dysphoria.' It's a shame really, that the idea of reassurance after sex isn't more mainstream."

Sometimes it was easy for me to forget he was some kind of genius. I always saw him at his most confident, which happened to also be his most quiet. As he taught me about things that I definitely should have been taught in high school sex education (but was not), I was not filled with anxiety or sadness.

In fact, I was happy.

I didn't really know him that well yet, but I wanted to.

"I can see why people mistake sex for love sometimes, then," I mumbled, not realizing the weight behind my words. It seemed obvious to me in the moment that he wouldn't think I was talking about us.

But then he pulled his hand back, running it through his hair and clearing his throat again.

"Yeah," he agreed, nonetheless, "It's pretty common."

I took a deep breath, panicking on how to pull him back to me. I lightly stretched, shifting to sit up and put some literal distance between us before the figurative distance was too far.

"Well, no worries here, Dr. Reid. I can confidently say I am not in love with you."

I could feel his eyes following me. I said I was confident, because I was. I was not in love with him.

Was I falling in love with him? It was a different question. I didn't know the answer to that one.

I excused myself for a moment to go to the bathroom and freak out in isolation. I could not believe I was somehow incapable of controlling my words around him. He just had this face that made you want to spill your heart out to him.

Did he know that? Whatever. It was easier to blame him for being so damn cute.

When I made it back to the bed, he was already half-asleep. He looked so peaceful and unassuming compared to the dominating personality I had seen not even ten minutes ago. As quietly as I could, I sneaked into my side of the bed. He began to stir, so I came up behind him and wrapped an arm over his waist.

"You know, they say it's dangerous to stay the night after a one-night-stand," I whispered, resting my face on his shoulder. "People might get attached."

"Technically this would be a two night-stand, so I don't think the same rules apply," he grumbled before placing his hand over mine on his stomach.

"Well, if you really  want to get technical, we are a one-night-stand plus a booty call," I corrected, earning a playful scoff from the man beside me.

"Pretty sure those are mutually exclusive."

I tried to repeat to myself that he was just trying to be nice. He was doing what all people are supposed  to do after sex. It didn't mean anything, I tried to convince myself.

It didn't mean anything.

"You're right."

I still tried to convince myself. It still wasn't working.

Fuck it.

"We could be something more. If you want to," I suggested. I'd sounded absolutely bored by the idea on purpose, but it still hadn't been enough to convince him that I wasn't out here proposing marriage to a fucking bootycall. 

His entire body tensed under my touch, like my words had inflicted pain. From my position half on top of him I felt his chest stop moving as he held his breath.

I shouldn't have said it. It was easy to say that in hindsight. But the truth was, I wasn't the only one blaring sirens of my growing attached to the kindhearted man who'd just massaged my wrists. Spencer had always been the one to be blatantly affectionate with me. It was him who had wanted to make this a recurring habit in the first place.

He was the one that always chose to stay the night. He was the one who initiated it. It wasn't just me who wanted something more, but he had to be a stupid, proud man like the rest of them.

"(Y/n) I—"

I knew that tone. I'd heard it before. He was going to tell me he couldn't be with me. We couldn't 'date,' or whatever he'd convinced himself the mature version was of the juvenile phrase.

But I already knew that. He was a fucking FBI agent and he was 10 years older than me. I barely knew anything about him. Had he ever even had a girlfriend? Did he have one now? I didn't even know, and that wasn't what I'd asked. 

Still, he was struggling to come up with a way to let me down easy, and I didn't want to hear it. It was going to be a lie, anyway. So, I covered his mouth with my hand and stopped him before he ended things for good.

"Friends, Spencer. I meant we can be friends."

Suddenly, we could both breathe again.

"I'd like that."

The tension melted from the room, but only so much. There was still a wall between us. I wasn't sure if it'd ever go away, but that was a problem for another day. 

"Me too," I lied.

I didn't want to be friends. I was scared what 'friends' meant. I was nervous that what I'd done was give him an out to never talk to me again. I was petrified that he'd lose the ability to see me as anything more than a collection of mistakes he'd made.

I didn't tell him any of that. If he noticed, which I'm positive he did, he didn't say anything about it. I was sure he wouldn't. Because even though he was about to shut me down, I knew part of him was craving the intimacy I was willing to offer him. I figured I'd just have to do it quietly for the time being. Wouldn't be the first time a woman took responsibility for a man's feelings.

At least the sex was worth it.

I tried to pretend like that's all it was. After a minute of listening to his heart beating rhythmically underneath me, though, he rolled over once more. Unable to leave him behind just yet, I joined him. I turned so he could pull me as close to him as he wanted.

There was never a barrier between us when the words were removed. My body fit next to his like it had been molded for that purpose. I curled into the warmth and I savored the quiet moments that I was convinced could never come often enough.

As I drifted off into sleep in his arms, our legs tangled together like we were part of the same two headed beast.

My last thought of the night was the one I'd been trying to avoid.

I don't want to be friends, because friends don't do this.

—————————————————  

Waking up next to Spencer in my bed that morning was somehow even more ethereal than before. Although I'd shifted several times in my sleep, he'd found me in the darkness each time so that he could cling to me again.

I didn't want to move. I was worried I would wake him and we'd return to our previous lives like this had never happened. I thought back to how tired he had looked when he first got here. I still wasn't totally certain what a profiler is, but the haunted look in his eyes and the tension in his muscles told me it wasn't easy.

I ghosted my fingers over his hand splayed out on my stomach, and the touch only served to make him pull me closer to him.

He was like a child with his favorite toy, desperately seeking out the comfort only I could provide him. I continued to run my hands along his, eventually going up his arm and quietly giggling at the goosebumps that formed. I didn't want him to wake up, but I also didn't want him to be awoken with another notice that he had to leave.

I wondered what the morning would be like without a time limit.

When Spencer began to stir, the first thing he did was bury his face between my shoulder and neck. I giggled at the tickling sensation of his breath, and he responded by peppering the area with short, light kisses.

It was my favorite way to say good morning.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," I said through the laughter. 

He didn't speak, just humming back contentedly as his kisses became more involved.

"Now who's the needy one?" I teased, tilting my head to grant him more access.

"Still you," he sighed against my skin.

"You know what I really need?" I began, starting the impossible task of turning onto my back while he refused to let go of his hold on me. "Coffee."

I couldn't help but laugh at the playful groan he released in response. He clearly agreed, and even followed the joyful sound with, "And they say the perfect woman doesn't exist."

It didn't mean anything, I warned my heart as it began to race. It was just a joke.

"Well, I didn't for the first ten years of your life. But don't worry, Dr. Reid. You have me now."

The brag, paired with the reminder of our age gap, earned me my release from his embrace. I was sad to lose it, but I'd also been scared of the effect it had on me.

"Your humility is my favorite part," he said in jest as he watched me squirm out from under his arm.

I stuck out my tongue, and he spoke again.

"Wait, never mind. I forgot about that part. That's my favorite part."

My face burned as I sucked it back in before pouting and climbing out of the bed. Grateful that I still had on my negligee, I stopped to pick up his clothes and tossed them onto the bed.

"Come on, lazy bones. I don't know how you like your coffee."

He just smiled, that gentle yet goofy look that told me he was enjoying himself. I didn't stay to watch him get dressed, deciding he deserved his privacy, despite the fact that I had shoved his dick down my throat the night before.

When he got to the kitchen, the pot was already on. I was leaning forward against the counter, half asleep on my propped up hand. He didn't take a seat at the table. He positioned himself directly behind me and wrapped an arm around my chest.

The man just couldn't keep his hands to himself. I wasn't complaining.

He slipped a hand beneath the front of my negligee, becoming more daring as he gently kneaded my breast and his mouth continued to mark my neck.

"What did I do to deserve all this attention now, Dr. Reid?"

It was a serious question. I had literally just been standing there. I had just woken up. I hadn't even cleaned my face.

"Nothing. You just exist."

I both chuckled and scoffed at the answer. So much for not wanting things to be emotional. Being the more responsible of the two of us, I focused on the way his tongue devilishly drew different sounds from me.

He suckled gently on the side of my neck, and his fingers began to tweak my nipple. A moan was ripped from the back of my throat as I jutted my hips backwards against him.

"God, when you react like that I can't help but think you want me to fuck you over this counter."

He was right. I did. Men weren't the only ones who had to deal with illicit thoughts in the morning. I figured he knew as much.

"Please," I begged, moving my arms so I could brace myself against the ceramic.

"Only because you asked nicely."

He withdrew from my neck. I heard as he drew familiar, crinkly foil from his pocket and I giggled at the anticipation. At the knowledge that he'd clearly pulled one from his wallet before he ever left the bedroom.

Soon enough, his fingers were trailing up my inner thighs, quickly encountering my very wet center that was still affected by the night before. Upon realizing I didn't need any preparation, he skipped it entirely. Slowly and with purpose, he slipped inside of me. I let out another loud moan as he filled my sore heat.

"Fuck," I heard him mutter under his breath.

I loved to know he couldn't entirely control himself with me. I wanted to know how I made him feel. It wasn't like the other times. There was no battle for dominance; I submitted to him immediately and freely. He was not rushed or driven by high emotions. His thrusts were slow, deep, and intimate. One of his hands returned to my chest, paying special attention to the breast that had been ignored before.

I leaned forward into his hand, my back arching to provide him with whatever relief he was looking for inside me. I panted out his name as my own version of a Sunday morning prayer.

It went on like that for a while. He took his time with me, like he was memorizing each nook and crevice he could reach. My legs were beginning to shake from his intrusion and also from my impending orgasm.

"Spencer..." I whispered his name differently this time, and his hands withdrew. I whimpered at the loss. But my disappointment was short lived, as his hand found its way down to where our bodies met. I gasped at the contact.

"What, (y/n)?" he asked with the utmost concern, beginning to make soft circles around my clit while he continued to fuck me from behind.

"I-I'm going to..."

I couldn't finish my sentence, collapsing forward as the stimulation became too much to bare. As it usually did, his other hand grabbed hold of my hair, clutching it tightly to pull me back up to him.

"Then do it."

His statement was a demand, but also its own beg. He wanted to feel me finish before him. I couldn't fight it even if I wanted to. The way he commanded control of my body was a force that could not be ignored. The ever tightening coil inside of me snapped, causing twitches and spasms to rack my body.  My mouth tried to call his name, but my voice didn't come out.

I tried to grip the ceramic when he began to pick up his pace, fucking me harder as my orgasm went on. I knew how much he loved to feel me come undone from the inside. But he held on, continuing his brutal pace until even after I had devolved into a panting, dripping mess underneath him.

My soft mewls from the sensation of being fucked through peaked bliss were still not enough.

"What do you want, little girl?" he growled in my ear as he leaned forward, somehow thrusting harder. Another moan was bubbling up my throat as my feet left the ground with each impact.

"I want... I want you to cum. Inside me."

It was a beg laced with pants and high pitched whines. It was what he wanted to hear.

He grabbed one of my hands, guiding it to my lower abdomen and holding it there. I didn't realize why until the next thrust, when I felt a bump form as he moved within me. I hadn't even considered how deep within me he was. He was showing me how much of me belonged to him.

I'd already known, but the reminder was nice. 

With a few more rough, deep thrusts, he had buried himself inside of me, and I could feel it against my hand. From within me I could feel him spilling into the condom.

I remembered my question about children. I remembered his answer.

That beautiful, sneaky bastard was imagining what it would be like to make me pregnant, whether or not he would admit it. I had put the thought in his mind. I just wasn't expecting it to have that profound of effect on him. I was more turned on by that than I'd like to admit.

I had said that I'd do anything for him.

He didn't say anything else. He released my hair and pulled out of me. He left me to prop myself up on the counter the best I could while my body trembled from the loss. 

At some point, the coffee pot had finished. I figured there were worse ways to pass the time.

Spencer was gone when I turned around. I figured he had gone to the bathroom to clean up, and I tried not to think anything of it. I poured two cups of coffee and pulled out the cream and sugar.

When he came back, he'd come with his phone. He sat down at the table and silently read through messages from the past hours he spent with me. I watched him prepare his drink, immediately downing some of the contents despite its temperature.

"Good lord, do you even have feeling in your throat?" I asked, laughing as I continued to stir my cup.

"Interesting you would be the one to ask me that. After last night, I wondered the same about you."

Touché.

"Did you get any interesting messages? Is the ever-so-busy Special Agent Dr. Reid going to be whisked away from me without a proper goodbye again?"

The words were laced with only a little bit of bitterness. He ignored it.

"I don't know if I would classify our goodbye last time as improper. At least, not in the sense you're using the term."

He was avoiding an answer. I figured he had to go. Or, well, he wanted to.

That's fine, I told myself. He can go. Even though I didn't want him to.

I watched him, the way he continued to nurse his drink with one hand and look at his phone with the other. I tried to suppress the hearts forming in my eyes.

"When will I get to see you again?" I asked, my tone full of trepidation.

"I'm not sure," was his honest answer, given without ever looking up at me.

"We should do something fun."

That made him look up, with a sly grin forming on his face.

"Not like that, you perverted old man," I laughed.

He raised his eyebrows, choosing not to reply outright to my taunt just yet.

"As much fun as we have in bedrooms, I don't know much about you. I'd like to change that," I explained. 

He watched me carefully, his eyes shifting away as he began to overthink it. I could see the cogs of paranoia turning in his mind. I think even he knew he was being sort of ridiculous.

"As friends, Spencer," I reminded with a gentle smile. "Let's do something fun. As friends."

The reserved half smile he gave would be good enough for me.

"Sure," he conceded, which filled me with a bubbly happiness I tried (and failed) to conceal. "I do have to go now, though. If for no other reason than wanting to change."

An understandable concern. I was fine with him leaving if I knew I would see him again this time. But still, something about him leaving so soon hurt a deeper part of me. I wondered if it was that dysphoria he was talking about, but decided not to question it, lest he tell me it was something more worrisome. Something like infatuation. 

I nodded, leaving my coffee on the table as I took his already empty cup. He stood up, waiting for me to return before the both of us walked over to the door. Something about his hesitation resonated in me. My puppy dog eyes were out in full force as I stared up at him.

I wasn't able to smile as he left.

"I'll see you again soon. As soon as I can," he assured me.

I wanted to believe him, but I hated that I didn't know when that would be.

He reached a hand down, brushing loose hairs from my face and commanding my attention that I so readily gave. 

"Don't look so sad," he instructed. "It makes it hard to leave."

My chest swelled with anxiety and adoration. I wasn't sure how to combat it. I hugged myself with one arm, and Spencer shook his head with a laugh.

"Still not following directions."

He didn't seem to mind all that much, though. He leaned forward and cupped my face in his hand. Our lips pressed against each other with a tenderness that made my head spin. We kissed each other in a way that was carelessly romantic.

When he pulled away, he stared into my eyes for a second too long. And when he waved goodbye and walked out of my door, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind.

Friends don't do this.

—————————————————  

| Part 4 |