#hm yes this is v important to my needs

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 12 (Pt 2 of 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary: Life was good. No, life was great. Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake came with so much you really didn’t want.

...At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; tension; anger; crying + feelings of sadness; self deprecation; body changes as a result of pregnancy; talks of baby + pregnancy; jealous!reader; jealous!jake (my fav); wet jake in the shower (!!); lotssss of nakedness (!!!); oral sex f!receiving; fingering; almost p in v (like..so close...i am v sorry); pregnancy hormones of multiple variety; reader is always emotional and stubborn (love u, sweet girl); INFIDELITY; talks of cheating/wanting to cheat on (obnoxious) partner; important issues addressed over texting; joshy + elsie continue to come in clutch fr (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter 12 (Part 2) Word Count: 32.8k+ (i will just continue saying to plz blame the characters. they have a mind of their own + I simply can't control them... however, my evil mind does like to give in to their evil ways...)

a/n: i would have been doing this chapter a total disservice if i hadn't included everything i've had outlined for it... and if i didn't give in to the evil voices when they told me to keep going with my evil thoughts... hence why this chapter is now t h r e e (punch me) parts instead of two. (i need to be taken away lmao)

god, i love this chapter...... and it just gets even ~~~better~~~ in pt 3... ;) hehe

aka: methinks the teasing should come to an end for now, hm? ;) (my outline that began two years ago is helping me to stick to this rather than being mean and dragging it out any longer lol -- slowburn is my krypto)

as always, big thank you to @joshym for being the best sister there ever was and supporting me in my writings + pursuits + listening to every time i have anxiety over my writings <3 i love you to the ends of the earth, lis. you're my person. <3

an additional thank u to @builtbybrokenbells and @alwaysonthemend. <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU, my loves, for always having the right words to encourage me amidst ~~A L L~~ of life’s stresses. I love you guys so much - you know I'd be lost w/out you :')

Also, to my friend @gretavangroupie, consider this my belated birthday gift to you, lovely <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read (there's officially a new cover for the latter part of the story!) 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

"[The] desire of having is the sin of covetousness."

William Shakespeare

Without any hesitation, he was stepping over the ledge of the bathtub, still fully clothed, until his boots were sloshing in the shallow puddle of water that swooshed to the drain. 

His hands found your body soon, igniting a fire under your already-heated skin. He guided you back a bit – until you were pressed against the wall furthest from the shower stream. He was getting drenched, but he’d made sure to get you out of it. He held your waist the best he could with the new addition of the baby bump, but still managed to hold you in such a way that showed you he was in charge. 

The way he held you reminded you that you were nothing more than putty in his strong hands.

Then, he was going to grant your request.

The words "Kiss me, Jake" were ringing on a loop in your head.

Leaning in to you, his grip on you, so firm, steady, sure. . . . You could see every intricate detail of his plush, pink lips as he came closer. Your heart fluttered in your chest. You were ready to feel his lips on yours. 

He was near enough for you to see the stubble coming in above his lip. By the day, he seemed to become less and less concerned about staying completely clean shaven. . . . and you were rejoicing for it.

Though, before you could study any other detail, his hands dropped from around your waist. You studied him in a panic. What was he-? His eyebrows were dipping in with doubt as he pulled away. Fuck. No no no no no please –.

“I–I can’t–,” he shook his head, now drenched from the spray of the shower. You followed his lead, pulling into yourself and away from him - the best you could - to protect yourself. And, even though you wanted to cover yourself, you couldn’t for fear of slipping. You looked away from his face, instead scanning his body as he stood before you, tense and unmoving. 

You noticed, though, that he wasn’t getting out of the shower. He’d only distanced himself. But if he was already regretting this, why wasn’t he moving? Goddammit. Your heart started to split in your chest. . . You were so confused and so vulnerable. He’d just encouraged you to open up completely for him. . . only for him to decide against this – against you.

“Do you not want me?” You asked, voice messy with unshed tears. Your line of sight landed on your own feet, refusing to look at him as your temperature spiked with aggravation. “Because, shit, Jake – I told you! I fucking told you we shouldn’t – but now you have me fucking shaking. And — goddammit! It’s not fair for you to get me to admit those things and then bail as soon as you–!”

“Y/n,” he growled your name, commanding your eyes to land on his. His stare was intense, just as it had been before he���d moved away. There was irritation flaring in his irises, though. Towards you or himself, you couldn’t tell. All that mattered to you was that he stepped closer once more, boot heel clicking. Your heart hammered in your chest. “I’m not going to fucking bail. I told you I wanted to please you and I plan on keeping my damn promise. I want to taste you, feel you so fucking badly. . . I just–,” he shook his head with a growl, messing with his wet hair a bit, pushing it from his forehead.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, your chest hot and your core clenching at nothing watching him pushing his wet hair away from his forehead. . . Drops of water, dripping down his chin. You didn’t know how to respond. In your life, you weren’t sure you’d ever felt this sexually stimulated. It had to be the baby hormones. The way you were feeling at the present moment had you wanting to crawl out of your skin and into his. Your body was on fire, a collection of electric sparks under your skin, begging to light up. You knew pregnancy hormones could make a woman feel crazy, but you hadn’t truly understood. Not until now, completely naked and ready in front of the only man you wanted. 

You were starting to feel as though you would stop at nothing to have him inside of you. Like, murder might even happen to have him, quite frankly. Anyone who might stand in your way was not safe as you continued to buzz with anticipation that wouldn’t dissipate in the dense, humid air of the shower. Doing the only thing you could do, you chose to admire what was in front of you.  His shirt was opened to the middle of his abdomen on what you knew to be a chilly December evening, daring him to catch a damn cold. 

But. . . the sight made you anything but cold–no, seeing his perfectly toned chest heaving and soaking wet. . . it made your entire body flame. You felt red-fucking-hot as you watched each and every breath – inhale, exhale. . . . in and out. . . in and out. . . His shirt was light blue, the water soaking through the material to make it nearly transparent. It gave you a glimpse at everything beneath his shirt. . . You honed in on his pecs, firm muscle underneath waiting to be gripped. You needed to put your hands on him again. You needed to feel the smooth skin of his chest–with your hands, tongue. . . anything. Needed to feel him. So, you did what your body told you to do at that moment. 

Taking one wary (and brave) step forward, you reached your hand out timidly, giving him space to stop you if he needed to. But, he didn’t stop you. When you glanced up at his face to read his reaction, he was watching your hand move, mouth agape at the action. You could finally feel his warm breath on your cheek again as you took one more step towards him. Without any more thought, you placed your delicate hand on the exposed part of his tanned chest. And, daring to feel more, you slipped your palm underneath his button-down shirt to feel the taut muscle on one side of his chest.

His breath caught at the motion. It felt like sweet relief to be touching him like this again. His chest flexed under your hand with the sharp intake of breath. Your breaths were uneven, too, not daring to breathe too harshly to scare him away. This moment felt so eerily similar to a moment so long ago – that first game night. The moment you’d been dared by the stupid ass card game to touch him. But this time–this time felt worlds different than that night at the beginning of summer. There was history now. A baby you’d made together, for God’s sake. So much more between these two people in this moment of time. And this meant you knew how to read his body. . . He wanted this. You knew he did. You knew him.

So, it was no surprise to you when he took a steady step forward, very nearly meeting the front of your body with his. You knew it was going to happen before it did; you knew that his hand would reach up to touch your chest as well. You watched his hand as he followed through on your prediction. Though, he didn’t touch your breast like you expected. No, he balanced his hand above your heart, where it beat furiously for him. Your nipples were impossibly hard, straining at how close he was. They were so tight it almost hurt. The kind of pain that could only be soothed by him.

“Jake,” you begged, his name saying everything you couldn’t say. Your thighs rubbed together of their own accord, desperate. “Please.”

And there it was. His hand immediately went to hold your swollen, sore breast. It seemed the only relief your chest could find was from his touch. You gripped his chest tighter, having to hold on to something. Your other hand, reaching forward to pull at the soaked linen of his shirt at his waist. Every movement he made on you, you traced with your eyes. Memorized every touch. Your legs continued to work at creating friction with every movement of his gentle massage on your breast. His other hand came up to hold your hip, gripping you with a sure hold. Chest heaving, your nipple, so sensitive and taut beneath his palm, your body – pleading for more. Still. You needed more. As his hand moved away from the front of your breast, he went to hold the underside of it. He held it so securely in his grip. 

You noticed how much bigger your tits looked in his hands than before the baby.  They filled his hand completely now, some of your chest even spilled out from the side of his splayed palm. Your chest was officially too big to fully fit in his strong hand. But that didn’t deter him for a second. As his fingers on your hip flexed around your smooth skin, he brought you closer to him by the sensitive flesh of your breast. A whine sprung from your chest at the added pressure to the left side and the severely tight nipple of your other tit connecting with his wet chest. He brought you closer to him, skillfully kneading your flesh in his hand like you’d needed so desperately. Relief. Sweet fucking relief. And suddenly, you were so close to him. Just close enough to feel his dick straining against your hip, in his pants. . . Fucking shit. You almost lost your balance. 

“Jake,” you were whining, outright. It was pitiful as hell. But – you couldn’t give two flying fucks. 

“I–I can’t kiss your lips,” he breathed, voice gravelly and low above you, floating directly to your ear. You finally looked up from watching his hand, waiting for him to continue. There was more he wanted to say, it was obvious. “That’s–I have to keep something that is unique and sacred to my relationship. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.” It did. It made complete sense and you admired his feeble attempt at saving one thing for her. . . but, you couldn’t help that it cracked your heart the slightest bit that you weren’t able to feel his lips against yours. Fuck Maya for that one specifically, honestly. 

The tears were welling in your eyes all on their own–couldn’t stop them if you tried. Although, you couldn’t tell if they were from baby hormones or an honest result of the new crease left in your heart at him so obviously not being yours. He belonged to her – not to you. And the lack of kissing was a painful, blatant reminder of that. Kissing him had been something so normal and familiar only a few months ago, you could have kissed him any time you wanted (well, almost any time. . . but still). And . . . you’d given that up. Given him up. Desperate to feel anything from him, anything he could give you, there was only one question that lingered in your mind, weighing heavily like bricks on your tense shoulders.

“What can you do?” Your voice broke with the wetness in your throat, a tear stupidly trickled down your face. 

His grip on your breast stayed firm, his hand going to cover the expanse of it. You moaned, your eyes fluttering closed a bit at the feeling. The hand from your hip reached to wipe your cheek of a few more stray tears. “Shhh,” he hushed gently. 

Playing it off the best you could, you offered him a half-assed response. “Don’t ask me why the tears are happening –it’s–it’s the baby hormones,” you sniffed again, willing the tears to go away. 

And, thankfully, they did. Once they’d subsided, his fingers carefully trailed to the other breast, your hand still on his chest, nearly clawing at his skin with each measured press of his hands at your aching breasts. Your hand trailed up to hold his neck, around his arms on you. Your thumb smoothed at the flesh behind his ear. God, you’d missed holding him and you really loved that spot behind his ear. . . couldn’t explain it. You sniffled. Despite your sadness, your body sparking, growing goosebumps rapidly at the way he was stimulating you so deliciously. Your thighs worked hard to ease the throb between your legs. 

“How does it feel?”

“So fucking good,” you grit out, your hand gripping gently at the roots of his long hair, darkened and soaking wet from the water flowing from the showerhead. “How do you know how to–? They hurt when anyone else holds them. . . but not with you– how?”

“I was determined to find out how to make you feel good,” he replied with a hoarse chuckle before he cleared his throat. “I have been doing research,” he smirked, his eyes connecting with yours. You felt your cheeks warm. His hands began a new pattern lazily and intentionally adding pressure to the areas that needed it most. He was trying his best to give equal treatment to both of them, you could tell. 

And dammit if he wasn’t doing the most impeccable fucking job at it. You gasped at the additional pressure on both sides as he pressed up, around, and over. . . covered every inch of your chest with his skilled hands. His dark eyes found yours as soon as you’d gasped, a small, secret smile on his face. The grin you gave him in response was bashful, cheeks flaring a deep pink in the soft moment.

He continued his words as he worked his hands so intentionally against your swollen, aching chest. “I’ve been reading on how to pleasure pregnant women– what to do to make them feel better. . . since your body’s changing and shit, I know it’s gonna be a little different than before,” he explained. You observed how he seemed to study your chest intently. He was invested in the task, manipulating the supple flesh in his practiced hands. “And you told me that your tits have been sore, so I’ve been reading how to help that specifically. I didn’t think I’d actually get to try it out on you – but, here we are,” he smirked, his eyes connecting with yours once more as he raised a brow. 

Didn’t think he’d ‘get to try it out on you’. 

You blushed, continuing to watch him in awe, the way his brows furrowed, his eyes going back to his hands. You decided to follow his eyes with your own. God bless America. Truly, watching his hands at work was just as bad as surveying his features. Your nerves were on fire and you felt your muscles tighten at your center, needing his touch in a million places at once.

“And, when pregnant women have sore tits, it apparently helps to massage them and apply pressure,” he continued, informing you of his research while doing just as he said. “So, I thought I’d try that.”

He kneaded and pressed against your heavy chest. As he continued with those motions, his thumbs reached to stroke the nipples. All of it, all at once. Every single nerve ending on your body was warm and tingling. Your eyes closed in sweet ecstasy, your head unwittingly going to lay against the shower wall with one particular motion, your back arching into his hands. Your hand dropped from behind his head instead gripping the shower wall. Now you were holding on on both sides. Literally bracing yourself. Shit. It was embarrassing as fuck how pliant your body was to him and his skill. You were completely gone for this man. With another mewl, you bucked your hips in his direction. 

Goddammit. Words, y/n. Words. He’s conversing. “W-what else did you find in your research?” You gasped, opening your eyes to observe his hands move just so, his thumbs tracing the buds of your nipples as he cradled the underside of your tits. He was doing the most incredible job at keeping the heavy feeling off of you. He was literally taking the weight off of you and handling it himself. It was heaven.

You looked up to catch his eyes and saw he was still concentrating on his actions. “For sore tits or overall pleasure?” He pondered, eyebrow raising again as he glanced at you and caught your line of sight. 

“Pleasure,” you breathed, feeling his hands come to a devastating halt on your chest, smoothing over your sides before he dropped them completely. Goddammit, Jake. Don’t stop. “All of it.”

“I know that some pregnant women really like being touched and have a pretty high libido,” he paused, bringing his hands up to push his soaking wet hair back. “But I also found that other pregnant women experience the exact opposite – have an aversion to sex.” He eyed you, squinting with a knowing smirk. “I could probably guess which type you are by how much you loved that just now, but . . . I want you to tell me. High libido or low?”

“Well,” you paused, your legs suddenly feeling like Jell-o. So, not wanting to fall or some shit, when he’d successfully pushed his hair back, you reached both hands up to wrap around the base of his head, your fingers working at their own massage against his scalp. The hum that sounded from his chest, along with the searing hot look he gave you as he gazed down at you, inspired you to work more intentionally. His eyebrows raised at one point, eyes closing briefly at one particular run of your fingernails against his scalp. 

You kept on, his eyes lazily finding yours when you began speaking; he sleepily blinked his heavy lids open. “I–I haven’t really felt a high libido for anyone but you. . . I don’t think I’d want it from anyone else right now. . . So, I don’t know what that makes me. High, maybe?” You pondered aloud, wanting his opinion of your predicament. “. . .Does it count if I only truly want you?”

“Fuck. Are you serious?” You watched one hand reach between you to rub against the strain at his zipper. The other hand came to your hip, pulling you into him further, then moving down to your ass to pay attention to the muscle you’d told him was sore earlier. Your sighs filled the air, your senses overwhelmed by him. He rasped his next question, voice so low between the two of you. “You only want me?”

“Only you,” you confirmed, the honest words brushing against his face as you leaned just a bit closer with your quiet, sighed response. 

Then his face was stern, one brow raised skeptically at you as his jaw set. The muscle in his cheek flexed as his eyes burned holes through you. “What about the noises you were making with Theo?” He implored, not angry, per se. Just serious. He was genuinely wondering. “Seemed pretty into it with him, too.”

“It was fake,” you confessed, looking away from him briefly, your hands halting their movements. Suddenly embarrassed and nervous at the memory. You didn’t want to be thinking of that nimrod. Your hands fell from around his neck as you curled in on yourself in slight shame, instead interlacing to cradle the bottom of your belly. “I took too long for him. He didn’t try at all to get me there. He was shit at everything he tried.” Then, you gained just enough confidence to look back to Jake with your next words. Needed him to understand and believe you. “And he’s not you. I don’t think any other man will ever make me fall apart the way you do.”

Jake seemed to relax at that, another, tiny step towards you, sure of himself all over again. He’d just needed the reassurance, because now he was eyeing you like he fucking owned you. And you weren’t sure if he did or didn’t at this point. You were ashamed to admit that he most likely did in fact own your body. It was his. All his. Honestly, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to you and you would say thank you every damn time. His boots, still on and clicked against the tub. His confidence made your legs shake. Your fingers, wrapped at the bottom of your belly, loosening with your body. Opened up for him with ease as he got closer to you. Your eyes flicked to where you saw movement at his waist and you saw his hand find his dick again, gripping it to relieve himself however he could. Fuckfuckfuck.

“So, if I were to get on my knees right now and fuck you with my tongue. . . you’d say you have a high libido?” 

“So fucking high,” you sighed, desperate. Ready. Aching for it.

“Thank fucking God,” he growled. And with one more push of his hand against himself, he moaned under his breath, and snaked a hand around your waist to reach for your ass. Your body leaned towards him, welcoming the touch. And with one sure grip to your ass, he grasped both of your hips, holding you to him tightly, his dick pressed snugly to the juncture between your hip and belly. Your arms found his neck, wrapping around it to bring him closer. “Well, I’ve found there are countless positions to try, but I think the one I’m going to try is going to feel–.”

“The one? Don’t tell me you’re going to cut it off at all of the other shit, too,” you said, backing away from him, pushing him away a bit. Yes, you were pouting. His hands dropped from you as you let go of his neck. Your arms went to cross under your breasts. “No kissing, so what’s next? What can’t you do? You never answered that.”

He started unbuttoning his sopping wet shirt. And when it was finally completely off, he reached up to drape it across the bar of the shower head before turning a bit to angle the shower head more towards the wall than him. Your eyes tracked every. single. movement. The way his bicep rippled slightly with the stretch, the way his abdomen flexed. . . every muscle, so beautiful in its prominence beneath his soft skin. When he was back from his task and looking at you again, shirtless, you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander the tan skin (how was it fair for him to be so damn tan in the winter time?). He cleared his throat, bringing your attention to his face once more. The smirk on his lips and the way his eyebrow was arched pissed you the fuck off. Was this amusing to him?

“You think it’s funny? How turned on I am and you can barely do a damned thing about it? Even though you led me to believe you could?”

“Who the fuck said I couldn’t?”

“You just said you can’t–.”

“You didn’t let me finish, y/n,” he reasoned. “I was going to say I can’t do that right now. I literally just told you I was going to tongue fuck you, babe. I want to focus on you before we get to sex.”

Before we get to sex. . . so he was planning on . . . more? Deciding to ignore that dangerous train of thought for the time being, you huffed, your arms still crossed at the top of your rounded abdomen. “Well, I’m just confused.”

“The only thing I told you I can’t do is kiss your lips,” he reminded you, his thumb coming up to briefly touch your full lips. His eyes followed his action, your lips still pursed in annoyance as you challenged him with your expression and stance. But you were wavering – quickly. Especially any time your eyes followed a drop of water from his shoulder, all the way to the waistband of his dark jeans. And every time you caught sight of the raging imprint in his jeans. . . “Y/n.”

Embarrassed and flushed, you flicked your eyes back to his face. You covered it up with indignance and frustration, your arms tightening in their position. “What, Jake?”

“I will do anything else you need,” he affirmed, taking a tentative step towards you, boots clicking against the floor of the tub. He got close once more, coming near enough that you pressed yourself against the back wall of the shower again. Your body betrayed you, your nipples once again peaking at his proximity. “And right now, I intend on doing what I’ve told you I’m going to do,” his eyes trailed to where your thighs were still pressed to relieve the persistent pulse below your belly. 

“Goddammit, Jacob,” you breathed with a roll of your eyes, arching yourself off of the wall towards him, just in time for him to meet you halfway. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly to him, your belly between you not letting you get quite as close as you used to. “Then fucking do it–please.”

He leaned forward and for a moment you thought he was going to betray his ‘one rule’. But instead, he kissed behind your ear, right where you liked to kiss him. Then, he trailed his mouth down the column of your throat. He alternated pecks and open mouthed kisses, all the way to your shoulders, collarbones. . . You sighed, completely at his mercy. When he found your left breast, he gave it the most attention. 

He licked around the sensitive nipple of your left breast, mirroring it with the right. At which, he elicited a moan that quickly progressed into a very whiny wail from you. “Fuck! Fuck, yes!” You cried, grasping his wet hair, not sure how to stop yourself if you fell – your shaking knees were bound to betray you, you could feel it. “This is so fucking wrong.”

“I. Don’t. Care,” he growled against the wet, supple skin of your breast. Every word, emphasized with a lick around your tender, hardened flesh.

Your train of thought was halted – lost all thought in your brain at him full-on kissing your nipples. He’d begun giving them kisses just like he would your mouth. Soft lips and wet tongue enveloping the entirety of the bud, tilting his head to the side to get the best angle possible. His nose nudged against your swollen breast as he continued lapping at you. He went back and forth, offering the same to both of your tits, several times over. A shaky hand reached out to tangle in his drenched hair as you tried to properly breathe. You were going to finish from this alone if it kept on much longer. You watched him in pure astonishment, his eyebrows knit in concentration. Then, as if things could get any worse (better?) he moaned – the action vibrating against your skin.

Your hips jolted up enough that they collided with his, just barely. But enough that both of you groaned in unison at the contact, his hard dick enticing you as you felt it, only a thin barrier of clothing between you. . . You felt your pussy flex at nothing, your thighs feeling the wet result of your arousal. But–you hadn’t finished yet. . . Not yet. Though, you knew you were so damn close. . .

“Don’t cum yet,” he commanded, mumbling around your nipple. Your nipples, usually so fucking sore, but feeling like they were made of sparklers, electric under his soft mouth. “‘M not done yet.”

“But– I can’t– a-ah-ah!,” you moaned, your body beginning to lose its fight to stand up straight, near to giving out. “I can’t hold on for much longer, Jake. Please. I promise I’ll cum again for you,” you swore, your fingers lacing even tighter into his long, chestnut locks. “Please, baby.”

“Not fucking yet,” he bit out, his dark eyes meeting yours from their place at your full breasts. Then, he winked, making you throb from that gesture alone. Fuck. You weren’t sure you could do as he said. 

He went back to giving your body kisses, this time trailing back up to your face, little pecks covering every expanse of skin on your flushed face. Then, with one gentle kiss to the tip of your nose, he reached a hand up to hold your cheek. His eyes held yours, open and vulnerable under his stare. So soft, he spoke to you with fervor in his tone. “I promise it’ll be better if you just wait, baby.”

Pinching your eyes shut, you laid your head against the wall in frustration. “Fine,” you griped, hands tightening in his hair. 

His mouth worked its way back down your body. He started by giving sloppy kisses to your collarbones, but ended up lowering to his knees as he continued, all the way to your hips – covering each one. Once there, his hands replaced his mouth and started kneading at the flesh at your hips. “Y/n, honey.” 

You heard the smooth velvet of his tone and couldn’t deny him your attention. Blinking your eyes open took a little more effort than you would have liked, but you couldn’t help it with how delirious you felt.

“Mm?” You hummed, your eyes fluttering a little, vision blurry until you looked down and saw his handsome face, loosely grinning, right next to the spot you wanted him most. It made butterflies fly erratically in your tummy. For all intents and purposes, it was a very tranquil, tender moment. Seeing him next to you like that again. 

His eyes said a thousand words, but you got an inside look at his mind when he spoke next. “I have been dreaming of this happening again for a long time,” he softly spoke, almost inaudible with the water behind him if your ears weren’t completely alert and opened for him. 

“Your body has always been the most exquisitely breathtaking sight. . . But it’s infinitely more beautiful now. You rival any other woman that has ever walked this planet, carrying my baby or not – but goddamn,” he sucked in a breath before leaning forward and kissing the bottom of your belly so gently, lovingly. His eyes were still tied up in yours, never leaving as he bared his heart. “If you being this goddess – this picturesque image of pregnancy isn’t haunting my every waking thought. And it’s just going to be even worse now that I’ve seen you naked like this.” One hand slid from your left hip to your ass, gripping the flesh surely in his palm, leaning forward to place one more kiss to your belly, a little wetter than the last. “Deliciously fuller – in every way that might make your body even more perfect to me.”

Before you could say anything in response to that, his mouth kept moving downward. Your eyes were watering at his words and you had to reach a hand to wipe at your eyes with a sniffle. You didn’t think you’d ever heard something so ideally timed in your life. He was fucking perfect – remedying every insecurity a pregnant woman might have. His hands did a stellar job at holding you against the wall to prevent a fall, both of his hands firmly placed, once more, on your hips where his thumbs kneaded circles into the muscle. His hold on you was strong and intent. It was fucking heaven. His thumbs moved and pressed with purpose, working the tired joints. 

“My hips– Jake, god. . . thank you,” you sighed, your eyes closing at the way your body felt weightless under his hands and mouth. 

Suddenly, his mouth was on your thighs, going back and forth between each leg until he reached your knees, stopping there. He was obviously intent on holding you upright as he knelt before you. You opened your eyes, suddenly desiring to see him again, and you watched as he gave your thighs unrelenting attention. You watched in wonder as he very slowly started to work his way to where you needed him most. And once he got there, he gave you a dark look that made your knees nearly buckle. Then, he began on you, wasting absolutely zero time. There was no warning for his mouth meeting your searing hot, wet heat. 

“Oh-oh-oh, J-Jake, f-fuck, yes!” You were nearly incoherent, but who would expect any different when you had Jake Kiszka making out with your wet and waiting pussy. You’d been aching and waiting to have this again for so fucking long. . . The slew of curse words and moans that escaped your lips were useless, as they all came out as jumbled non-words. Utterly unintelligible.

His tongue was inching closer and closer to your opening, not even daring to edge towards your clit yet. You clenched your jaw, a low mewl coming from your lips, unable to do anything but watch him. Your eyes couldn’t dare to leave the sight in front of you. He was taking his time to lap at your folds, soaked and fluttering for him. Your hips jerked forward, not able to stop the way his lips and tongue were setting you on fire near the point of retaliation. You were trembling, your body not working on its own at all to hold you up. You were dependent on his death grip, now back on your hips, steadying you. He was pressing you so hard to the wall – you just fucking hoped that he left bruises in the wake of his fingertips. Wanted—no, needed— to remember this.

He kept on with his work for a bit longer before you felt a few chillier drops of water spring from the shower head, onto your skin. Fuck no. And, of course, as if on cue, Jake backed away, wiping the corners of his mouth with the pad of his right thumb, his left hand still holding you to the wall. 

“I swear to god, Jacob Thomas, if you fucking stop because of some cold wa– oh!” 

And he was back, licking up every bit of early release at your heat. You couldn’t catch a breath to finish what you were saying as he added his fingers to the mix, twirling his pointer and middle fingers through your soaking folds, as his tongue tapped at your over sensitive bundle of nerves. And as his tongue flattened on you, his fingers simultaneously met your entrance. 

But, he stopped there. And you knew why. 

His attention was set and stuck on your comfort first and foremost. And you knew he could tell you were getting cold with the addition of the less-than tepid water. You were shivering, only in the slightest, in spite of your determination to continue — more from the cool temperature of the water (and the apartment), than his mouth and hands. But it could’ve been because of his touch. . . You willed him to not catch on and to just keep going. 

But you knew it wouldn’t work out like that. You already accepted the fact that he knew it wasn’t wholly because of his mouth that you were trembling. Your skin hadn't even grown goosebumps yet from the chill, and still his eyes caught yours in a steady trance. He raised a brow at the openly petulant look painted on your features at his pause. He cracked a smile; he could read you so damn well. You wanted to simply blame it on the connection you had to him by carrying his baby. But, his instincts of your impending reactions had always come incredibly quickly. Before the baby he’d always seen right through you, just the same. 

“Jake, please. Don’t stop,” you ridiculously whined, in spite of your chitter-chattering teeth. 

“You’re cold, y/n,” he clarified, as if you didn’t know. “Literally shaking.”

His observant tone, in true fashion, worked to piss you off. But, you were still hazy from his ongoing touch, so you closed your eyes to center yourself. 

Because, he might’ve moved his mouth, but he’d kept his fingers at your core. His fiery touch worked to warm your body the best it could. His fingers were lodged deep enough that when he went to bend them, the knuckles in the palm of his hand grazed your clit. And, the pads at the base of his two fingers nudged inside of you, just under the skin that housed the nerves. He was nestled so deep, continuing to elicit electric stimulation at your core. And the calluses of his fingertips were the perfect addition of friction to your swollen heat. He wrapped his hand against you, staying situated where he was. His other hand stayed firm on your hip, not letting go for anything. Wanted to keep you balanced.

You bit your lip, your head laying against the shower wall. You could barely concentrate on the fact that he’d spoken at all.  When you leaned off of the wall the best you could, you opened your eyes. Instantly, it felt like you were going to slip with the movement. But, just when your foot dared to lose balance, his hold on your hip tightened further. His fingers began to twirl within you, his palm ghosted over your clit with every purposeful jerk of his fingers. Your walls fluttered at the way he kept you going with one hand, while steadying your body in unison with the other.

He wasn’t saying anything further. Just kept going. Your hope grew that he hadn’t stopped. And the ball in the pit of your belly threatened to unravel with a figure eight movement he’d begun where his palm kept fitting to your tight, tingling nub as his fingers swirled. 

You quickly came to find out how focused he’d still been on your chilliness though. Turning around without you realizing it, fingers still distracting you, tucked between your folds, he switched the shower off. 

“Jake!” You complained for no reason whatsoever. Well. . . you knew why you were complaining. You were worried — didn’t want to lose this. You’d been so close. “Do not let this be the fucking en–.”

“Y/n. You’ve gotta trust me. I’ve kept my fingers where they are to show you — I’m not done,” he responded, tone lacking tolerance for your quip. “Can you just be fucking patient?” “You’re not being patient!” 

“How in the hell am I not being patient?!” 

“Your voice tells me so,” you argued, hearing the way it sounded ridiculous as soon as you said it. You shook your head, body shaking from the cool nip of the bathroom air and your soaking wet body. He was also trembling, his body just as wet as yours. The sight made your heart falter in your chest at the idea of him being cold, too. You’d been too busy worrying about yourself to think of him.

So, when he removed his fingers, yes, it aggravated you. . . but you’d started considering his chilliness enough that you weren’t going to chew him out. And, you couldn’t stay mad for long anyways. Seconds later, he was once again eliciting a dazed moan from you. As soon as he’d removed his fingers from you, he was bringing them up to his mouth, placing them on his waiting tongue before locking his lips around them to suck your arousal off. He closed his eyes, furrowing his brow and groaning in the process, his opinion of the way you tasted apparent. Holy fucking hell. 

“Taste good?” You asked, trying to sound snarky, but failing from the way your breath had escaped your lungs. 

When his fingers left his mouth, he slowly started to stand, eyes connecting to and never leaving yours. His grip on your hip not giving up a single bit in the process. Once he was standing at full height again, he slid the shower curtain open, eyes staying hooked on yours. He grabbed the towel hanging on the wall rack, momentarily leaving your gaze. But, as soon as he had the towel in his hands, his eyes snapped back to your waiting stare. 

“Fucking delicious. You taste better than anything – always have. . . No other woman compares. But. . . it’s–it’s even more-so now,” he paused, releasing your hip and motioning for you to come towards his arms with the fluffy, waiting towel. You turned your back to him, holding your arms out a little so he could wrap the towel at your back and handed you the rest to finish wrapping yourself. 

He kept talking as you cinched the white towel around yourself, your breasts not appreciating the way you tucked the material tight around your chest. You groaned at the feeling, pissed with the fact that your body was so sore.

Jake’s eyebrows knitted together in worry. “You okay?”

You nodded grumpily, carefully turning to face him. “Yes,” you grumbled. “It’s my boobs. They just ache all of the time. . . milk has officially started coming in, according to my readings. And I believe it with the way they're hurting right now. My tits have been a lovely focal point of change this entire time, but right now. . ."

"Yeah, I can't imagine how much they must hurt with how they've grown." There was no missing the way he bit his lip, eyes darkening. He licked his lips, smoothing his pointer finger over the bottom one before he responded. “But. . .I’ll help them feel better, baby. Don’t worry.”

The buzzing in your veins was impossible to ignore, and you didn’t trust yourself to give a valid response with how lightheaded he was making you. All you could do was nod, eyes hopefully communicating your excitement. 

“I read about the taste of a woman’s release, too. . . when women are pregnant, they have a tendency to taste sweeter than usual. And I can safely assure you, it’s the motherfucking truth,” his voice was hoarse with the last sentence. He kept on, locking his Amber-brown irises with yours. “And it’s fuckin’ erotic that you taste like the sweetest thing while you’re growing my baby. . . I can’t even explain it, y/n.”

You were positively vibrating with need for him, your body threatening to unravel at any given moment. Now warm from the towel, you knew most of your shivering was still from him. 

“You don’t have to,” you assured, your mouth dry from it hanging open at his words. Swallowing purposefully, you shook your head before stepping out of the shower. And, once you’d towel-dried your body enough, you bent to tie the towel around your hair, turning away from him. As you made your way to the mirror, leaving him. Once you checked yourself, you were in horror as you realized just how red your face was. “Ah! God, Jake, I look like fuckin’ Elmo.”

He belly laughed at that, the sound making your tummy ignite in a swarm of happy butterflies. “No you don’t. Trust me,” he said, still giggling at what you’d said. “. . . ‘look like Elmo’. You’re fucking hilarious,” he paused as you heard his belt clink away from him, along with the pull of his zipper. You tried damn hard not to think about it, just focused on fanning your face. “And what’s with all of the Elmo lately? Josh creeped me the fuck out with that shit.”

Not able to help the laughter bubbling in your chest at the thought of Josh’s horrifying Tickle-Me Elmo, you turned to face him to enjoy the moment together. You first saw all of his soaked clothes, in a neat pile ready for the laundry, next to him. His boots, sitting as a pair beside the clothes. His belt, rolled tight on the toilet seat. 

And, Jake, completely naked. 

Your body reacted immediately, suddenly ready for the most. Your tone was way too eager when an inward ponder was spoken aloud. “Are we going to have sex?” Dear God, y/n.

He smirked, shaking his head as he took a step and leaned past your naked body to get in the cabinet under the sink for the spare towel you kept underneath. His fingers brushed the side of your ass in the process and you didn’t want to discuss how quickly his touch heated your skin. You turned away from him once more, leaning towards the mirror to check out the two pesky spots on your chin that threatened a pimple under the skin. Thankfully not big enough to notice to someone else, but still. 

For some reason, the size of your ass was now all you could think about. How your body had gotten bigger in a few unfortunate areas. . . You couldn’t help feeling insecure. “Was that on purpose?” You shot the other question his way, followed by a statement of your own. “It has increased in size, just like the rest of me, so . . . wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t on purpose and just because it’s huge.”

“It was on purpose. Too nice not to touch — want to grab it or slap it any time I see it. Nice fuckin’ thing,” he replied, causing you to drop your hands and lean back so you could give him your full attention. The response made your cheeks blush crimson red, slightly visible through your slowly lightening skin. When you swiveled his way, you found him towel drying his hair, his dick still fully erect and tempting the fucking hell out of you. You bit your lip, and he continued on, eyes closed as he focused on drying his hair. God, he was so handsome. And the constant scruff above his top lip was just not good for your sanity.  “And I don’t know what you mean by the rest of you increasing in size or being huge. One, you aren’t huge by any standard. And two, all I’ve noticed increase in size are the three things I enjoy watching as they get bigger.”

You flushed, turning away once more to work on towel drying your own hair before you left the steamy room. You’d want the towel to wrap up in the hallway. Suddenly intrigued by the fact that you were talking so openly with him, you kept going. “Do those things happen to be the Three B’s? Boobs, belly, butt?”

Jake was laughing again at that, his little snort unmistakable, even as you were bent the best you could at the waist to towel dry your own hair. “Yes,” he chuckled, lighthearted. “That is correct. Did you make that up?”

Damn, I missed this, your mind absently trailed. “I don’t know,” you smiled, raising from the towel dry to do it standing. Your body was buzzing with all things him. “You didn’t answer my sex question.”

“No sex,” he promptly replied. Your heart fell, but obviously being oblivious to it, he kept on. “I’ve got a job to finish tonight that doesn’t include my dick.”

“What if I want it to include your dick? Aren’t you doing this to please me?”

How had the conversation just picked up like you’d never stopped being the two of you? The awkward air that had persisted, on and off since the wretched day in the kitchen in August, was seeming to float away day by day with his knowledge of the baby in your belly. But, before that line of thought could derail, he was responding to you. 

“Are you saying you weren’t pleased with what I started in there just now?”

“Of course I fucking was, Jake,” you rolled your eyes. “But, still–.”

“You just answered the question yourself.”

“How?”

“Would you just finish drying your fucking hair so I can continue eating you out?”

The way your body temperature rose inexplicably at his words was not something you wanted to admit to, so you went with a simple response to keep you on level ground with him, rather than a quivering mess. 

“Aye aye, captain.”

Another snort, followed by a chuckle. “Shut the fuck up.”

Once you’d gotten yourself completely dry, he was following you to your bedroom, closely. So close that you felt his warmth radiating from behind you, only working to increase your already heated need for everything that was him.  

“Get on the bed and get on your knees for me,” he insisted, lips grazing your ear with the words, once you crossed the threshold of your room. Those words, for me, had you feeling reminiscent of walking on a cloud. This was actually happening. “And spread your legs apart, baby. Need that pretty pussy open for me.”

God. You did not want to give him any argument. Your body was shaking with need from the entire evening. Your heart was beating harshly, rapidly — felt it knocking against your heaving chest. . . 

He undoubtedly knew the effects he was having on you. And planned to lean into them as long as you could. 

“You should know better than to tell me what to do, Jacob,” you jested, walking towards the bed. Clearly your words didn’t mean much since you said them while doing exactly as he told you. In your best attempt at being sexy, you got on the bed. And once you were on the soft comforter, you crawled on your hands and knees to the front of your bed, slowly. You made a show of sticking your ass in the air.  

You then heard that familiar chuckle as you did so, and decided you were slightly offended over the fact. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Relax, baby. I just think you’re cute. That’s all,” he replied as you heard him close your bedroom door. You paused briefly and looked over your shoulder, to see where he stood by the door. “How can one be so equally cute and sexy? I’ve never known someone who does it as flawlessly as you.”

You blushed at his words, giving him a flirty grin with a wrinkle of your nose. But you quickly realized now was not the time for joking. Not for much longer, at least. Not with the way his eyes were set on your body, drinking in the sight before him. You knew he enjoyed his view, his eyes trained solely on your body rather than your face. So much so, he didn’t catch you watching him. He licked his lips before running one finger over them in silent admiration.

The vision of you, naked and wanting for him, pregnant with his baby. . .you knew, most likely, it was unrivaled to anything else he’d ever seen. Even in the dim light of your singular lamp, you could see that look in his dark eyes, one hand going to brush through his hair while the other tightened the towel at waist. His bottom lip, gripped by his teeth. His thick cock, still very erect, tenting the towel hung at his hips. 

“You are beautiful in every way,” he remarked, tone low and throaty as his eyes finally locked on yours. You felt your thighs tremble with need as your body continued to prepare itself for him.

Still on your hands and knees, you looked towards the head of the bed again to get to your pillows. Once there, you turned your body around to fully face him. You tilted your head to the side with a grin that you hoped conveyed at least half of what you felt. Over one shoulder, hair cascaded down your back, and over the other shoulder, your hair laid against a supple breast. 

You then began to shift your weight back slowly, lowering your hips toward your heels, resting the backs of your thighs against them with your knees spread just enough. Your belly and breasts, the main focal point. The palms of your hands found the mattress behind you as you were beginning to lean back against the pillows. Needed the pressure on your  back. But, he stopped you before you leaned too far. 

“Wait,” he said, your eyes silently questioning him as you watched him make his way towards your side of the bed. “Let me help you, baby.”

You watched in adoration as he grabbed the two pillows on the other side of the bed with one hand, situating them behind you, along with the two that always rested there. “I know how your hips and back have been hurting. . . I should’ve done this before you ever got on the bed.”

“It’s okay, Jake,” you smiled, watching as he worked to place them just right to support your sore muscles. “Really.”

“Just wanna take care of you,” he replied, tapping your hip with two fingers. “Now you should have that support behind you, baby. Lean back. Just a bit.”

You did as he said and. . .oh. It felt so nice. When your back formed to the pillow, you could have sung a thousand praises. It was instant appeasement for your aching body. Continuing to make yourself comfortable, you watched him push his hair back as he stood beside you, watching you with intense care.

“Are those pillows enough? I can go get a couple more from my–.”

“It’s perfect,” you truthfully claimed. Yet, even if it wasn’t perfect, you were not about to let him leave your side.

Your mouth watered as his eyes darkened, taking in every inch of your body he could see. You saw his zone in on every movement of your hips, eyes, and heavily swaying tits as you finally, fully situated. Then, with nimble, impatient fingers, your hand reached out to the towel at his hips, and with a singular flick of your wrist, his towel was falling. And your eyes instantly flew to his thick cock that seemed strained to the point of uncomfortability. His tongue met his lips, his dark irises, trained on your face as he lifted one hand to your lips. You knew exactly what he wanted. So, you did just as he silently requested and spit in his palm. 

Hand now wet with your help, he went to languidly stroke his length. His eyes never once leaving yours as you felt your mouth fill with more saliva, might he need it. All you wanted was to help him. 

That wasn’t deemed necessary, though, because he was soon letting his cock go to sit on the edge of the bed, beside your bent knees. His fingers grazed up your thigh, the skin automatically igniting at his touch. Your center fluttered, needy for more attention from his hands. 

It was like he sensed the call of your body, finally scooting back to lay down on the bed. He was moving with intentionality, going to the exact space he’d instructed you to create between your legs. . . for him. 

Finally, he was on his back, head nestling snugly between your thighs. His face was in the direct line of your pussy and ass. And his entire tanned, solid, stunning body was extended in front of you. You watched his stomach flex with each inhale and exhale — as he took in deep, deliberate breaths. And his beautiful dick, in perfect view for you to admire if you wanted. Was he doing this shit on purpose? Was he taunting you with it? Even though he refused to let you have it? 

You were about to get snarky with him about it, but you didn’t have time before your body was sent into euphoria as his hands located your ever-aching breasts, giving them each a firm knead. Each got attention of their own for a bit, his hands placed fairly over their own full breast. 

Before you could get too used to that, he pushed them together. It should’ve hurt, but it felt so impeccable. Your chest was tender, but the soreness of one offset the achiness of the other. You let out a relieved sigh with the work he was doing, pushing them to move against each other in the middle as he paid attention to the swollen sides with a firm massage. You bit your lip to conceal a moan at the sensation. But when you felt a gentle slap against the side of your left breast you couldn’t contain the noise as it slipped easily past your lips. 

“I want to hear you, y/n,” he sternly commanded, your core close enough to his face at this point that you felt every breath with the words. Your thighs shook with each breath he took. “Let me hear you.”

Then, without leaving time for you to bicker, he was back to his previous motions. You respected his work always, but you were learning to really appreciate his new, adjusted focus to parts of your body. Specifically your boobs. Even though they couldn’t fit in the palm of his hand like they once (perfectly) could, he still made sure to cover the expanse of them with intentionality from his long, skilled fingers. 

You threw your head back as the calloused tips of his fingers skimmed over your sensitive nipples. And when he came back, he purposefully rolled them with practiced circles from his thumbs. You were shaking when he finished his work with a final, intentional pinch to both nipples. You shivered as your back arched, body searching for more. 

His arms then went to wrap around your front, palms immediately situating on your belly. He placed one hand at the bottom of your belly to affectionately hold the curve of it. As you leaned into the touch of his hand there, he gave a gentle caress to the front of the bump when you heard a few words slip from his mouth. 

“Thank you, y/n. You will never understand how it feels to watch you grow my baby—our baby,” he breathed, each word’s breath brushing against your vulnerable center. 

You hummed an acknowledgement, not able to fully process his words with the way his breath continued to make your entire body tingle with needy electricity. 

Then the tender moment was abruptly cut off when his focus zeroed in on holding your ass instead. He squeezed a round cheek in each palm. You moaned, your legs spreading even more to grant him additional access to the place you needed him most. Your hands wrapped around the front of your thighs, irritatingly squeezing the supple flesh as you buzzed with need. You wanted to hang onto him, but you didn’t want to spook him. 

Before you could get too used to the new angle and the feeling of his grip on your behind, he was smoothly landing a harsh slap to your right cheek. The action had your head falling back with a sigh, your pussy fluttering. His hands then traveled to your hips and held safely to them, splayed perfectly to grip the muscle there entirely. The pressure was euphoric.

“Jake, please. I need more—.”

Without any warning whatsoever, he brought you down just the slightest bit further to meet his mouth in a tender kiss. Then, his tongue began where he’d left off in the shower. 

Your toes curled deliciously with a loud groan at the feeling of him making home between your thighs with his skilled mouth. You couldn’t help it — you had to touch him. His abdomen was in perfect distance for you to grip, so you did just that. Your legs widened further with your new hand placement, allowing your core to meet his mouth’s ministrations even better than before. 

Your fingers flexed against his belly as you let your tummy rest comfortably on his chest. You smiled softly to yourself at the connection, not planning to move anytime soon. You watched his cock tremble briefly with another brush of your tummy to his chest as your body jolted with a particular flick from his tongue against your aching, throbbing clit. Your eyes rolled back in your head as your body tingled, almost all of your senses being wonderfully assaulted.

For a few moments, he paid special attention to your center with long, purposeful licks of his tongue. Then, you felt one hand drift over your ass to your most intimate spot, two fingers spreading you even further. And, keeping them there to spread you, with practiced precision, he began giving several long, open mouthed kisses to the sensitive flesh. You pulsed with each deliberate slide of his tongue and lips.

The sounds you made were humiliating, at best. Though, it seemed Jake really did like it. He’d even started rewarding you for them. At every noise, he’d intensify his actions – making out with your pussy fervently, his tongue dipping deeper and deeper with every squeak, moan, or sigh. He continued teasing you until he replaced his tongue with two strong fingers. He slipped in, spreading the long, skilled digits inside of you — deliciously stretching you. 

“You are so fucking tight, baby,” he raspily groaned as he intermittently spun and stretched the two fingers inside of you to prepare you. He licked one stripe through your opened folds before you felt a smile against you. “Has it been difficult being a celibate pregnant woman?”

“Only when it comes to you,” you moaned as he pushed the two fingers just deep enough to brush your sensitive cervix. “I’ve needed you so fucking badl— ah!”

You couldn’t finish your thought as his entire tongue, rolled just right to fit snugly in you, thrusted up, finally making home inside of you. Stars erupted behind your eyes — his name, a pathetic whimper on your lips. 

He used his grip on your ass to pull you back just enough that his bottom lip was able to nudge against your clit with each thrust of his tongue inside of you. Your body shook at the new sensation, your hips rocking of their own accord to meet every movement of his mouth. After a few more intentional laps of his tongue within you and his plush lip grazing just right against your extremely sensitive bundle of nerves, you felt yourself nearing the end. Your entire body was alight and trembling. And the intoxicating, mind-numbing realization that you were about to finish on his tongue for the first time in who even knew how long was what tempted to finally push you over the edge. 

But before you could reach that peak, he was pulling his mouth away and using his firm grip on your ass to lift your tension-filled body off of his face. Fuck. No. You did not attempt to contain the angry grumble of his name, the frustration was ridiculously palpable in your tone. He needed to know your aggravation at his rude teasing behavior. You were actually on the verge of frustrated tears at not being able to finish like you so badly needed. 

“Jacob, if I can’t fucking cum–.”

“Stop it, y/n – I just needed you to know that I want you to let completely fucking loose,” he interrupted you, not letting you get started on a tangent before he was correcting your assumption. He wasn’t stopping – just wanted to talk. Wanted to give you permission. “I need you to show me with your body how badly you’ve needed this. Don’t you dare control it. Let fucking loose. If you move your hands, though, I’ll fucking stop. Make you wait. So you better keep those hands on me. Don’t move and let me work. Do you understand me?”

You felt the stress ease from your body, your body relaxing once more, going once more to rest against his strong hands and the pillows. You could do all of that. Just needed him to keep going. “Yes, Jake,” you sighed, your pussy clenching needily at his warm breaths, the only barrier between you and his mouth. “I promise.”

“Let me take care of you, baby.”

You sighed with an agreement as you let your hands relax on him enough to smooth over to his sides, holding onto his sturdy obliques for better support. 

Then he was back at it. No warning as he went back to exactly what he was doing before. Except this time, he alternated between patterns. He started with the one angle of his lip against you and his tongue inside of you. But after a few skilled uses of that one, he was back to making out with your folds, tongue first every time, then lips meeting to seal the deal with an intimate kiss. God, it made you wish even more that he could kiss your mouth. . . but you’d just have to suck it up.

Your body was shaking against him, still holding on to enjoy the feeling for as long as you could. But you could only hold on for so long – you needed the tight ball of tension in your belly to be unfurled. So, with the rotation of his tongue in you, lip intentionally prodding your clit, to the long lap of his tongue before he’d give a lasting, lazy open mouthed kiss to your cunt. . . You barely registered it approaching, the ball tightening to near obliteration, one precise suck from his mouth making your body tense, desperate for moremoremore. Your hips faltered, almost stilling completely, as your eyes hazily rolled into the back of your head. And with one final, purposeful stroke of his tongue from top to bottom of your oversensitive flesh, you were gone. His name tore from your chest, no mind at all for anyone else besides JakeJakeJake as your fingers sealed to his sides, never daring to leave his skin. Needed all of him around you, in you, on your, with you — forever.

Fuck. You loved him so goddamn much. And as your body hung loosely in the clouds from the work of his tongue, you felt wholly validated that there was nothing on the planet that compared to the way he made you feel. Whether it be in your bed or in your heart, Jake Kiszka was it. Always would be, you were afraid. 

As you tried to come down and recover from the high, you soon realized he wasn’t going to give you time to gain strength. No, he just kept going. His mouth worked like he was devouring his favorite dish. Too desperate for every last bit of you to bother stopping, it seemed. And the next time he went to put his tongue inside of you, his lip had barely brushed against your clit before you were going entirely motionless. Your mind blanked entirely. 

You sobbed his name on a drawn out, strangled whine that turned hastily to a growling moan. Every filthy sound that escaped your lips was loud as fuck. And, really, you would’ve felt incredibly bad for your neighbors – had you given a single fuck about anything. Your hips stuttered in their rhythm, keeping in time with the melody your mind kept producing. akeJakeJakeJakeJake. . . .  Everything worked in time with the long-since-practiced song of his name.

“Fuck, baby,” you whined, eyebrows furrowed as you felt consciousness come back little by little, only faintly, but still. Your fingers let up just a little on his sides, letting his flesh breathe from your vice-like hold. 

The way you let your body settle to accommodate the motions of his tongue was nice. He did all of the work as you relaxed against him, your quivering pussy gave him everything he — and you — needed. Your eyes slid closed in ecstasy before a hum from his lips jolted you, your fingers slipping past his waist line just a bit as you stretched further down his body to give him better access.

Slowly, before you could process anything else, your hips started moving again with some assistance from his persistent hold on your hips. He went to fully grip your ass, assisting you in grinding down, hard against his strong, flattened, and fucking wet tongue. He hadn’t stopped once the entire time. His fucking stamina was otherworldly. And, even though you’d just (kind of) come back to, you were already falling apart again. It hit you suddenly, when you felt his hums switch to a low growl against your labia, right before going back in for a sloppy kiss. You were instantly back in the throes of all things Jake; your body went utterly numb as you sunk as far as you could onto his face. The growls and groans continued from his mouth – you felt every single one against your center as he worked to tilt your body just so, his nose nudging against your aching core briefly. Your toes curled tighter at the contact, amidst the harsh ride of your orgasm on his lips. He wanted you to feel every bit of work he was putting in. Every movement of his mouth was crucial to your enjoyment of the moment and he was making damn sure you knew that.

You made the mistake of looking down as you groggily returned from your second orgasm, to the present time. Because, when you looked down, you were offered the opposite of reprieve. With a slow glance just past your round tummy, you caught sight of the very bottom of his chin and the strong column of his neck below you. And what you beheld was intoxicatingly beautiful.

He was—his tanned skin. . . He was fucking soaked. Had you squir–? The flood of heat that enveloped your belly, washing over your entire body in a rush of glorious overstimulation, was the only sign you’d had of a fourth orgasm. 

“Oh my god,” you whimpered, your body incapable of handling itself as you let out a choked sob, tears flooding down your cheeks at the care you were being shown. Your hands finally slipped further, nestling on the insides of his thighs. You leaned forward just a bit to grasp him better, the want for his dick back with a burning desire as you got closer to it. You could obviously tell that he was beyond ready for you — stretched readily, angrily, and so thick. . . All. For. You.

How did he expect sex to not happen tonight? You needed it. Needed him — all of him. So, so, so desperately.

You felt even more tears touch your cheeks at the heavenly thought. Yes, you were definitely being pushed past your limits. But, with Jake, did you truly have any limits? Your poor pussy was straining, begging for a break. But, all you wanted to think about was Jake. Jake, inside of you. Needed to keep going until you got what you needed most of all. 

You could hardly begin to wrap your mind around how he just kept going through all of it. Though before you could topple into another one at the mere thought of his dick in you, your weak, spent body was being repositioned by strong arms.

Through barely opened eyes, you sort of registered that he’d moved both of you completely from your previous positions. You were definitely still out of it as he balanced your ass on his thighs, one arm around your waist to hold you. And he was the one on his knees now, facing the headboard, your back still facing the pillows he’d set up. 

You wrapped your legs around him, which made your leaking center draw even closer to his tip, throbbing and angrily blushed — all for you. 

Even through blurred vision, you noticed how he seemed to have gotten impossibly harder – at the sole act of devouring you. The precum that glistened at his head distracted you, your mouth watering at the sight with a tiny whine at the intimacy of it all. From your front row seat, you admired how his cock jerked with need as he worked to pull one pillow down to situate behind you. Before you could get used to the sight of his dick for any longer, he was once again repositioning your body. Gently, he used the arm at your back to guide you directly onto a pillow, placed perfectly to cradle your hips. Your head, blissfully meeting the other fluffy pillows at your headboard. 

You could’ve fallen asleep right then and there, exhaustion threatening to take over. But you knew better. Fuck that. You did not want to go to sleep yet. The night was young and you still hadn’t gotten what you truly, initially wanted. And you were determined to convince him. Simply put, you were far from ready to be done with this night. 

His voice was hoarse with want as he leaned over you, giving a wet kiss to your dampened neck before his warm breath brushed against it. “When the pillow supports your back there, it works to elevate your hips,” his fingers gripped your hips, his thumbs melting into the muscle there to release tension. Your head rolled back into your pillows, your eyes slipping closed with an intense, relieved sigh. “And. . . ,” he continued, lips grazing your neck before he delicately kissed the crook underneath your ear. He moved to speak into it, so low. “I get the best angle to make sure you feel satisfied. All I fucking want is for you to feel so good, baby.” 

You used him being closer to your face to your advantage and laced your hands through his hair before bringing him down a bit further, just enough to touch his naked chest to yours. His face tucked even further into your neck to give you a plethora of messy kisses, licking the skin he could reach. 

Your nipples were so tight, still aching for attention. And, you found at that moment, simply pressing your breasts to his chest, skin to skin, gave you some much needed reprieve. Gave you a sensation that felt like sparkles, all the way down to your toes.

Pushing your chest against his once more, he let you use his body as he balanced on his elbows around your head, keeping his chest close enough to graze your tender breasts. With the action, he brought his face up to examine your blushing, pleased features with a smirk. “Your nipples sore, baby?”

“Always,” you sighed with an absentminded giggle. “It’s all your fault.”

“Mine or hers?” He asked with a grin, his hand going down to cup the side of your belly. 

You felt butterflies flutter at the gesture – loved when he touched your tummy. “I feel like blaming you right now,” you grinned, cupping his cheek, running your thumb over his beauty mark. 

“Guilty as charged. I’ll work on those later, hm?”

“Okay,” you sighed, pushing yourself up against him one more time before he was moving, yet again.

As he went to lay on his belly, you laced your fingers through his hair, mostly dry, just a little damp. And, his tongue, once again, met your heated core, only brushing the sensitive place with one measured, precise lick through your overindulged folds. 

A guttural moan formed at the back of your throat, your hands leaving his locks to grip the comforter. Your back, arching from the bed and pillow, body yearning for moremoremore. 

He began languidly kissing your center again, this time focusing his tongue on your clit before each tender press of his lips to the bundle of nerves. When another jolt of electricity shot through every inch of you, you went back to knotting your hands in his hair. And with one gentle kiss to your clit, he worked his way back up your body. 

He tucked his face into your neck, giving listless, hungry kisses to the skin there. With every brush of his tongue, you felt yourself melt into the sheets around you. Heat pooled under your skin at his lips on your supple flesh. You felt it go from your lower back, all the way to the pit of your tummy, simmering at your core. A pleased hum slipped from you at the sensation, your eyes closing at the familiar, precious feeling of pure and unadulterated safety and comfort under his touch. 

You’d missed this.

Fatigued as your body was from the repeated climaxes, you instantly perked with a surprised, needy whine when you felt two fingers deftly swipe — up and down — through your folds to collect any remaining release. You shivered while he collected enough for his liking. As you continued to tremble beneath him, he took the time to swiftly push the same two digits inside of you. He stretched you so exquisitely — all the way to the last knuckle. Your hips bucked into his open palm, needing every bit of support his hand could offer your aching center at the familiar, yet (now) slightly foreign feeling inside of you. 

You’d needed this. Him, inside of you. Somehow, some way. Right there, you decided, if he wouldn’t let you have his cock tonight, you would gratefully accept his fingers as a runner up.

These fingers. They knew your body just like they knew the strings on a guitar. The callouses, from his craft, deliciously traced circles, slow and sure, against your most secret spot, inside. And not too long after, his thumb claimed its rightful spot on your clit, drawing the same circles there as the fingers did on the inside. The two tender places on your body, receiving equal, gentle, deliberate care. 

With a final lazy kiss behind your ear, he let his lips trail from your neck, down your chest. He took special care to wrap his mouth around each of your nipples. You savored the feeling of his tongue flicking expertly at your puckered skin as his fingers worked at your pussy. You writhed under him at the sensual relief for your aching body — your sensitive nipples — fuck. Your chest arched into his mouth as he paid each breast special attention. 

His dark eyes instantly shot to yours as he leisurely released his plush lips from your breast, measuring your reaction at the loss of contact. You only whined a little as you watched him with rapt attention, awaiting his next move. 

He rose to his knees, fingers leaving you at the movement. You whimpered pitifully as he shifted back down towards the foot of the bed. He went slowly — the raging, rock hard problem at his groin, offering an incredible sight. Once he’d made it as far back as he believed reasonable, he was carefully lowering himself onto his belly once again. As he did this, he held his cock in one hand, positioning it so he’d be as comfortable as possible. 

God, you wished to be the one holding it. Whether it be with your hand, your mouth, or your pussy. . . You’d accept anything he granted you at this point.

Once on his stomach and with his dick tucked away and out of your sight, you felt more desperation gather in your chest. You had to tell him. Ask him one more time. 

“Jake,” you started, waiting for his eyes to find you. With the obtrusion of your round tummy, you had to lean up on your forearms to see him better. After a couple beats, he gave you what he wanted. His pretty brown eyes located yours in one fell swoop. Your breath caught shakily in your chest at how he was gazing at you. “Please, let me have you tonight. All of you. Please.” You begged, not giving two flying fucks for how stupidly pathetic you sounded. 

Your eyes gauged his response. Would he say something? For a few moments, he continued to hold you in an intense stare, eyes scanning your face, something akin to awe evident on his face as he observed you. 

Then, the slowest, most heartfelt smile blossomed on his lips, eyes earnest for you to understand. “Tonight is your night, baby.”

“Okay, so – it’s what I want,” you insisted. “Please.” 

Yet, all you got in return was a smirk, followed by a wink before he was settling his face between your thighs. You sighed in resignation, but lifted your hips up to his mouth, greedily as you rested on your back once more. Your head rested against the stack of pillows behind you, giving you little glimpses of him as he worked. After a few careful licks, he let his eyes hone in on yours as he made out with your pussy – just like he would your mouth. His eyes never left yours as he continued. And, the feeling that began to unfurl in your tummy was an old friend at this point in the night. 

You watched as he went down so far — catching every bit of your release. So, momentarily, his face was hidden, blocked by your growing belly. But before you could be too sad, his head came up, and those Amber-brown eyes met your own. They were filled with lust, hooded in your direction with an intense yearning. 

“Jake,” you sighed, smoothing your hands down your belly before you situated a little better on the pillow under your hips and lower back, leaning up on your own elbows to get a better view of him. 

His long hair was fanned across your legs, sweeping against the flesh of your thighs as he leaned forward to kiss your round, taut stomach, so delicately. 

“In every way, you are perfect, y/n,” he affirmed, saying it in a way that left no room for disagreement. 

You flushed a little smile his way, but your core throbbed for more. You needed it. Needed all of him. 

“Jake, please,” you moaned, communicating all you could with the two words. This moment felt more familiar than you could put words to. . . It made your heart thump so hard in your chest, all the way up to your ears. 

And then, he was rising more and more, his tongue peeking out from between his lips, licking them with a sort of cruel intention – never taking his eyes off of you. 

Your eyes tracked every single movement of his mouth and then his body. Because of that, you hastily became aware of him situating himself to balance above you, right where you wanted him. His handsome face, once more hovering above yours as his elbows were, again, placed on either side of your head. There was a sparkle in his eye as your breath caught in your chest at the possibility of what was about to happen. 

As he fully settled, you became very aware of his dick – hot and heavy against your throbbing center. 

“You feel that?” He said with a smirk, eyes soft with his words. “That’s what you do to me. What you’ve always done to me. But. . . damn it, y/n. It’s so much worse now. . . because now when I look at your beautiful body, I see it changing to properly house my baby. . . and that sight of you – god. You instantaneously become so much more alluring and enchanting than one could fucking imagine.”

God. He was everything. You would carry his baby forever if you could. The feminist in you screamed at you to take a second, but you couldn’t hear her through the steady pounding in your chest. Your heart yearned for him. And you found it an honor to do this for the heaven-sent man who continued to cast a sweet, secret grin your way. One you’d seen many times before, but this time it held more than before. . . 

You were sure no one would ever understand the immense, wondrous impact the man had had on your life. He’d helped you in ways that were incomprehensible at the moment. 

And, he was so . . . consistent. For example: those first words he’d just spoken to you. . . they were the same as they’d been all of those months ago; on your bed, heatedly touching each other and matching kisses like your life damn well depended on it. He was safe. So, so safe. Never changing. Steadfast. And you knew that — you weren’t stupid. But you could only sink into that knowledge when the nagging little voice that haunted you stayed fucking silent. 

He continued to measure you with a long gaze, all of his attention on you as he bent to nudge your cheek with his nose. When he planted a little kiss to the apple of your cheek, you felt the tear fall from your eye to meet his lips. At this, he kissed it away. He was quite actually taking your pain away. 

In response, all you could say was, “Jake,” on a breath, your eyes continuing to water at the rush of memories as well as the present moment. Your arms went to lock loosely around his neck, holding him and wishing he never had to go. 

“I can’t look at you without wanting to worship the ground you walk on forever. There is no one that—. I’ve never felt—. You are— you— I – fuck,” his eyes quickly averted to your chest, head bowing the slightest bit to face the supple skin. His words turned to heavy breaths against your soft skin. 

You combed your hands through his hair to ease his mind. He gently closed his eyes at the feeling, sighing with relief at your touch. But after a few seconds, he went back to that pensive look as he eyed your chest. His gaze never faltered from it, scanning every inch of your body that he could from his position before he went to nestle his forehead at the top of your breasts. You felt his nose, tucked in between them. 

Then you felt them. Just a couple, but definitely there as his shoulders shook the slightest bit to accompany them. Tears. You paused your ministrations through his hair, suddenly alarmed at the emotion. It mirrored yours, yes, but you worried, nonetheless. . . Fuck.

Your thoughts trailed off, beginning to wind down a dangerous path. Was he regretting this? It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t. Because, if he was regretting it, you couldn’t be surprised or hurt. This was something you’d willingly decided on with him. And it was so wrong – you knew it. If he regretted it and wanted to stop in an instant, it would be understandable, acceptable. Hell, by most standards, it would be opportune. And you hated that. 

You hated it, but — he had a girlfriend. You weren’t anything to him. Not like her. Your heart cracked at the feeling of wetness on your chest, a couple more hot tears falling to meet your sensitive flesh. Your tender breasts were tingling at the sensation of him between them, your nipples so tight at his nearness. Even as you convinced yourself that he was regretting this, your ready and willing body — it pulled you to him. 

Fuck—had to move. You had to move. Be the first one to escape so he couldn’t hurt you. Removing your hands from his locks, you sniffled once as you felt your own tears gather at the corners of your eyes. Dammit. 

Yet, right as you went to take one scooch up, you felt his strong hands present at your waist. He held the sides of your belly snugly in his steady hands. Four fingers gripping your back, and his thumbs, positioned perfectly on either side of your tummy to hold you in place. Why was he stopping you?

When his eyes finally floated up to yours, your breath hitched at the sight. 

God, his eyes. They revealed his soul so exquisitely. 

And, what you saw in them right now was not regret. Not at all. At least. . . not regret for being with you. No, instead, you saw. . . Longing. Desperation. Fondness. Devotion. . . . . For you. And . . . you felt it wrong to name the final emotion you were witnessing. Besides, you were sure that your eyes were deceiving you. 

“I don’t want to stop, y/n. Stop thinking that,” he rasped, clearing his throat as his eyes searched yours. His eyebrows dipped in, nerves seeming to kick in for him as well. “D-do you?”

“Of course I don’t want to stop, Jake,” you insisted, your eyes boring into his, needing him to feel what you were thinking. “That is the last damn thing I want to do. But you were fucking crying, so I felt it was best to–.”

“Y/n—you were just crying, too,” he responded, a whisper of a laugh on his lips before he shook his head, eyes averting briefly before finding you again. “I—. Y/n—. God. There is so much that I want to tell you and I just can’t and it—. . .” 

He cut himself off with one swoop, pulling you back to where you’d moved from. And when his face was above yours again, you felt the head of his dick nudging at you. It made your vision momentarily blurry as his fingers tucked a bit of hair behind your ear. His pointer and middle finger lingered on your cheek as his eyes searched yours for kinship. And you could only hope he found it because you definitely understood him — especially not being able to say what you wanted. 

On a shaky breath, he leveled you with a dark stare. “I just got caught up in my thoughts while I was looking at you and the emotions took over. It normally happens in my head when I see you, but I was saying it out loud and you were right here and—,” he huffed slightly, shaking his head at himself. “I guess you could say the words came out as tears. I don’t know — kind of stupid, but—.”

“Not stupid,” you reassured, getting on your elbows once more to press your body closer to his and leaned up to kiss his cheek delicately. His lids fluttered closed at the contact. You kept your hand on his cheek and held his gaze once he opened his eyes. Feeling like the moment warranted complete honesty (or as much as you could offer), you explained. “I get the whole ‘not being able to say everything you want to’ thing. I’m right there with you. Our situation is just. . . The way it is. And, as much as I wish it were different, it isn’t and it can’t be,” your voice cracked on the last few words. 

He let his face rest against the palm of your hand, his hair brushing your arm. “I know. And it’s just so fucking difficult.”

You furrowed your brows, letting your hand fall from his face to rest on the part of your belly that wasn’t pressed to his. As much as you didn’t want to say it again, you wanted to give him one more chance. Based on the word difficult and the apprehension to express his emotions. . . The situation itself helped you feel morally sound in speaking the pondering thought into the hot air one more time. (Which, in retrospect, was hilarious since none of what you’d engaged in tonight was morally sound by any means). 

“We really don’t have to do this if it is too difficult for you to do this to he— while you’re in a rela— since you’re with someone el—,” you huffed, closing your eyes to recenter, your throat suddenly tight with tears. You really didn’t want to talk about her.

“That’s not what I meant when I said that.”

Your eyes slowly opened to process his expression with the words. His face was open and vulnerable, but hardened all the same. He was letting you in and you loved it. The situation just made it all more tense than it had to be. And you hated that part.

“I meant that it’s difficult since we are limited — due to outside factors,” he expressed, pressing his lips together before continuing. “You aren’t the one making it difficult, baby. I feel completely resolved and peaceful at the idea of this,” he looked down between your bodies. Your eyes followed, witnessing as he lazily rocked his hips against yours once before you felt the pressure of him resting at your entrance. Your heart was thumping furiously in your chest, cheeks hot as his gaze locked on yours again. “And what makes it difficult is I know I shouldn’t feel like that with everything and with the other people involved. . . But— fuck if I can’t help it. It’s always felt natural and right with you, y/n. Even if we can’t be together, I know that it will always feel like this with us and that is what makes it so damn difficult.”

Your eyes watered. Everything he said rang true to your heart as well. So, you said all you found necessary to let him know you were on the same page where that thought was concerned. 

“I know, baby,” you sighed, at a loss for anything else to say that could fix it. 

“The problem is. . .I don’t care about any outside factor right now,” he rasped, breath fanning over your face as he leaned down to press his lips to your cheek. Then your neck. Then your collarbone. And finally, your forehead before his fiery gaze was back on yours, burning down to the pit of your tummy. “I only care about what I’ve wanted to fucking do with you again for so damn long. Watching you and not being able to have you — my baby in you or not. . . It is torture not being able to be inside of you. And I want to stop feeling so fucking tortured all of the time. I need to feel you around me again, y/n.”

Goddammit, Jake. What did one do with all of that? You didn’t know. All you knew was the way he was looking at you had you questioning why in the fuck you were still talking when his dick was quite literally waiting at your entrance. You ‘needed’ this shit, too. Bad.

“Then let me help you with that,” you encouraged, unwavering in your stare. “Please. I need it, too, baby.” You rolled your hips forward once. Just the slightest bit, teasing him and yourself as you felt him begin to slip in. 

His breath caught at the same time as yours, your hips naturally falling back to where you laid, losing the new contact with him. “You’re sure this is what you want, y/n?”

Well. That felt like a loaded question. At the moment, your mind was too fuzzy to articulate what all that question could imply. But you did know for a fact that whatever you wanted. . . It always included him, one way or another. Whether it hurt you or hurt him, you wanted him. It was selfish, but it was true. 

So, you answered without another thought. 

“Yes. So, so badly,” you replied, not able to help the whine as you watched his hand move to hold the length of his cock. He gave it a few leisurely pumps of his fist, before running the tip through the wetness gathered at your center. 

The way your body threatened to unfurl at that action alone told you all you needed to know.  You wrapped your arms at his shoulders, fingers grazing his warm neck before going to spin through his long hair. It was past time to have him—.

Tinklytinklytinklytinklyting! Tinklytinklytinklytinklyting!

Of course. It was zero surprise to you when the ridiculously harsh shrill of the Blues ringtone cut you off mid thought. Your eyes turned stony at the very unwelcome interruption of your iPhone. Jake’s expression looked the same as yours, his jaw clenching for a millisecond. He stayed above you, pausing his motions. But he didn’t budge; only moved his head to get a better look at the interfering device.

Even as he peered over to the phone, plugged in on the bedside table, you kept your arms laced around his neck. You watched his expression change from one of irritation to care and concern for the caller. 

“It’s Elsie,” he said, looking back at you with a brow raised. 

You rolled your eyes. Shocker. You truly weren’t surprised that she was the one calling you at the exact moment you were about to get laid. Annoying ass sister shit, one might say (because, yes, even if she was your favorite person ever, she would always be your aggravating older sister). 

“She’s fine,” you reassured him, gently running your manicured nails over his back. Goosebumps rose in their wake, a loose grin forming on his features at the feeling before he was settling above you again. “I’ll call her later.”

“You sure?”

“More than sure,” you emphasized before getting an idea. “Can you just go ahead and switch it to vibrate?”

He immediately granted your request, shifting just enough that his chest glided smoothly over the tender skin of your nipples. You gave the slightest moan at the feeling and you felt his dick twitch against your thigh. 

You watched his handsome face as he momentarily concentrated to turn the ringer off from the angle at which he laid. His lips were so pretty and pink, begging to be kissed. But before you could get too sad over it, he was done and adjusting above you once more.

And with that, the moment was back. Determination washed over you both. No more phone. Only Jake. And his beautiful face — freckles that usually stayed hidden on his cheeks, suddenly so noticeable as he leaned down even further. His soft, tempting lips, ghosting over your cheek before they traveled to your ear, teeth grazing your lobe before gently biting down on the flesh. 

You sighed, body melting into his as your back arched off of the bed. Forming together perfectly, you felt him line up with your entrance. 

“I’ve waited so long for this,” he hushed above you, breath dusting your heated cheek. 

“Me too,” you sighed, your hips lifting impatiently to meet his. “Please, Jake. I—.”

Bzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzz.

And again. The blessed phone. You swore if it was Elsie again. . . 

You groaned, put out at the calls and horny as hell. Why was it always like this for you two? God forbid you get what you fucking want. As you groaned, his face fell into your neck with the same sound from his lips before raising up to check your screen again.  

“Oh,” he said, tone steady and serious; his body went rigid at the name on the screen. It caused enough alarm that you sat up on your forearms, elbows balancing your trembling body. 

“What?” You asked, eyebrows bent to show your worry. 

“It’s your Grandma,” he said, eyes glancing to find yours to gauge your reaction. 

“What?” You faltered, dropping your hands from his shoulders. With a shake of your head, you maneuvered your body the best you could to grab your phone. 

“I’ll unplug it,” Jake insisted, nodding his head at you once to lay back. “You just try to take deep breaths, babe.”

Admittedly, you were glad he volunteered because your back was not having it and your breathing had become short at the possibility of something wrong. You’d been laying on your back for a touch too long, it seemed. And, as the Jake-induced haze cleared, you realized your belly was really not getting along with your spine. It was going to take a bit to situate. You could already tell.

When he stretched to grab it, he continued talking, voice low to calm you down. “Relax, baby. I’m sure she’s fine.”

“But she never calls this late,” you explained, body in pain, your mind running in frantic circles. You placed both hands over your face to shut out the mental and physical discomfort. “Jake, if she’s not okay— if Grandpa isn’t okay—.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions. That’s dangerous and you know it,” he encouraged with a grunt, the position making it tricky to grab the phone. But then he was sighing with relief as you heard the charger being pulled from the socket. “Got it.”

When he was back, he gave you the phone. But he seemed to notice the stiffness in your body. You knew your expression was not hiding how you felt, your lower back twinging. “Come on, baby. Let’s sit up,” he encouraged as he maneuvered his body to be in a sitting position. Sitting right next to you, now, he held a hand out as an offering to you. He gave a gentle nod in his own direction as a silent direction to you to lean up.

Your heart fell in your chest, gripping your phone tight in your hand as it plummeted, elbows digging into the fabric of your bed covers with a blazing hot, furious intent to not let him go. You’d just gotten him again. . . If you stopped now, when would you get this again? 

“But I—I also don’t want to stop—.”

“It’s okay. We’ll keep going. You just need to talk to your Grandma first,” he reminded with an air of reason that you desperately needed at the moment.  “And this position isn’t working anyhow; you’re in pain. I can tell.”

You eyed him skeptically, hoping he was right and that you would be able to keep going. “Fine,” you conceded, taking his hand as he did the hard work with one steady hand in yours as the other pressed against your back, firmly pushing you up and forward. 

With the aiding gesture, you felt it easier to think for a moment. So, you took the opportunity to answer the phone call as he arranged your pillows behind your back. 

“Hello? Grandma? Are you okay?” You rushed the words out in one breath, fingers edging towards your mouth to chew at your nails. (A very bad habit from your childhood that hardly surfaced anymore.)

After he’d fluffed them to an extent that he seemed pleased with, you settled cozily against the pillows as your brain went haywire. 

“So you can answer for our damn Grandma, but not for me?” Elsie quipped from the other end, a giggle hanging off the end of her words. 

But you were not in the mood for giggling. With a contented sigh at it being Elsie and not your Grandmother in trouble, you breathed a little easier. The upright position helped — no longer feeling gravity working against your body and belly. The sitting position was nice. . . And as long as he didn’t leave your side, things would be okay. You just had to get rid of your sister and things would be fine. 

You looked up at Jake with a roll of your eyes, placing your hand over the bottom speaker. “Elsie,” you mouthed towards him, rolling your eyes once more to emphasize your annoyance. 

All he responded with was a breathy laugh, shaking his head at her antics before he began to carefully study your body with blatant admiration. His eyes feasted on your exposed skin. It made you realize how much you hadn’t cared once that you were casually sitting buck-ass naked, as you talked on the phone. And, well. . . It was still not a concern to you. It felt natural to do so with him.

You rather appreciated the domesticity of the moment, even if your sister was totally cramping your groove. 

“Elsie. What the fuck, dude? You almost put me in full panic attack mode,” you griped, looking down at your nails to avoid the rather inappropriate thoughts that swirled at Jake’s dark gaze covering your skin. “What could have been so important that you use our Grandma’s phone to get me to answer at a moment’s notice?”

“I got to town early!” She excitedly chirped. 

The possibility that she’d been calling previously to tell you the same thing hadn’t even dawned on you before. You felt momentarily guilty for not realizing that sooner before snapping at her. It was great news—one of your favorite things was when she would come to town. But. . . it had just come at the wrong time, this time. 

“Well, for one, obviously, Els. You are using Grandma’s phone,” you snorted at her, crossing your legs the best you could with achy hips and a bigger belly. “And secondly, while I am so overjoyed that you’re finally in town —and moving back, no less — I am very busy right now.”

“What could be more important than me?” She snarked before tacking on one more thing. “Oh. . . I know what it is. I bet it’s Jake related, huh?” 

“Fuck, Elsie!” You gasped. For some reason, you were embarrassed by her saying that. . . Even though you’d literally just had the man’s face buried in your pussy. Whatever. 

When you heard another little laugh from Jake’s direction, you warily glanced up. With a fake glare, your cheeks heated as you quickly turned the sound down. 

“Why do you insist on keeping it so loud?” He whispered, his cheeks still pink with a little laugh. 

You stuck your tongue out at him, flashing a middle finger his way. The action only caused him to chuckle more, and you couldn’t help but smile along. 

“Was that it?” You tried at Elsie, looking down at your toes as they wiggled anxiously. Seriously — you were just hoping she’d say yes and let you hang up. 

“So it is Jake!” She giggled evilly from the other end, something shuffling behind her. “Told you so.”

“Who are you with?” You skeptically asked, knowing already. 

“Joshua Michael, of course,” she chirped, at which you heard him scream ‘helloooo, mama!’ in the background of the call. “We just wanted to tell you that we have three movie tickets for the Whitney Houston movie that just came out and you, my lovely sister, are the lucky recipient of one of them!” 

In spite of yourself, you grinned at their antics. “I would totally say yes, but—.”

Though, just as you began to turn your sister down, there was a tell-tale knock at the front door. Oh, hell no. 

You knew there was only one woman who used that particular knock. You’d heard it enough times that it was permanently seared in your brain. 

Maya. Of-fucking-course.

When she knocked again, your eyes snapped up to his. Your fury wasn’t easy to hide, try as you  might. His eyes took you in as they darkened, jaw tightening. Both of you sat there for a couple of moments, Elsie talking on the other end as another knock sounded at the door. 

But you couldn’t be bothered. You were lost in his irises, and it seemed he was lost in yours, too — gazing at you in a way that caused your brain waves to stutter. 

While he wasn’t rushing to get up and get the door, you knew — he felt the moment ending, too. It was evident in his downcast expression — the way his smile had instantly drooped to a frown at her arrival. This was not what you two had wanted. The night wasn’t supposed to end this way. 

Would you get this back? Now that you’d been dealt the glorious cellular and visitor disturbance? Or was all of this going to jinx the possibility of it arising again? Was seeing her again going to make him second guess it all? 

With a sure hand, he reached forward to drift his fingertips down your cheek. Your lids threatened to close at the caress, but his Amber-brown eyes weren’t letting you. He grasped your chin between his pointer and thumb, keeping you right where he wanted you. You were trapped in the way he studied you. No, not trapped. . .  Captivated. He left you utterly captivated. And, you could tell by looking at him, by this stare you were exchanging, that he was just as aware as you that this night was over. 

Elsie and Josh carried on with their own conversation in your ear, they were easy to ignore when you brought the phone away from your ear and into your lap, a defeated look etched on your features.

“I’ll, um— I’m gonna get the door,” he offered in a whisper, dropping your chin. His eyes offered zero reprieve or reassurance as he looked just as downtrodden as you felt. “I’ll have to get dressed, so.”

“Obviously, Jake,” you whispered, palm covering the speaker once more. You sounded snippier than you intended. But you couldn’t help how upset you were in the moment. This night — it had begun to make all of your dreams come true. . . only to sputter out in a blaze of glory. “Just fucking go to her.”

“Don’t do that,” he hushed back, eyebrows turned in to show his own irritability. “It’s not like I called her and asked her to fucking show up. I don’t even know why she’s—.” As if on cue, he was interrupted by yet another knock. His features stern and stony, he waited for her to be done to continue. “Elsie and Josh want to hang out anyway. Why are you pissed at me when we both—?”

“Because it’s always her, Jake!” You whispered, just a touch too loud for the callers. So, at that, you decided it was time to end the call. Bringing it up to your ear and keeping your eyes firmly on Jake’s, you spoke. “Elsie, Josh. I’ll be ready in thirty.”

“Make it twenty, Mama!” Josh yelled from the other end. 

“In other words: the movie starts soon and Josh was already running late, so he’s now rushing everyone else,” Elsie added, sounding equal parts exasperated and in love with Josh. Must be fucking nice. 

As Josh started on a rant about Julie Andrews’ line about being late in The Princess Diaries, Elsie kept talking. “Okay, Josh. Yes. But you aren’t the Queen of Genovia, sweetie,” she snorted a laugh on the other end. You couldn’t even crack a smile as you stayed lost in Jake’s deep brown eyes. “We’ll be there in like twenty minutes, sis. Plugging in Grandma’s phone as we speak. . . And I want coffee, so try to make it even snappier.”

Before you could respond, she was saying a quick ‘I love you’ and hanging up.

You didn’t bother to delay getting ready, knowing full well what your evening had become. As you slipped off the bed, Jake reached out a hand to help you. You didn’t take it. 

“Y/n.”

Being the emotionally charged pregnant woman in the situation, you had zero problem turning your nose up at it. You were allowed to be pissed and pouty. And you wanted him to know how upset you were. (Like he wasn’t feeling his own frustration. . . You knew he was. But still.)

“Baby,” he tried again. You heard his own feet hit the floor and saw him pick up his towel in your peripheral before wrapping it around his waist. Just lovely.

Still refusing to acknowledge him, you went about the stages of getting dressed. Your sports bra came first and you pulled it on in a way that was a little too rough for your sore chest. Not allowing the pain to show, though, you opened your closet door with a powerful yank. Quickly, you located an oversized black sweater and tugged it on in one go. 

And, just as you heard him shuffling towards the door, you were finally hitching your thong up your legs. 

“Please talk to me,” he tried once more to gain your attention. 

You knew he wasn’t going to leave without you giving him something and if he did leave without you acknowledging him, there was a chance you could lose all of the progress you’d made tonight. He’d think that you’d given up. And even if you felt remorseful over how the evening had played out, you weren’t ready to give up. Not even close. 

At that, you decided to turn to face him. You blatantly checked him out once you did, that being easier than his eyes at the moment. The towel was back to being hung around his hips. 

Gotta love it, you continued to inwardly snark.

“What?” You challenged, flicking your eyes to meet his stare. 

Your breath caught in your throat at how he persisted in appearing just as you felt. Though, you’d be willing to bet at this point, your features weren’t hiding your distaste at all. 

“Don’t pull this shit. Not after tonight,” he begged and ordered you all at once. “Please.”

“I’m just upset,” was all you could mutter, crossing your arms at your chest like a child. You felt slightly silly with your outward display of emotion, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care too much. “I wish the night would’ve ended differently.”

“Me too, y/n. I need you to know that,” he pleaded, eyes searching yours. 

For all of the ‘upset’ you were feeling encompass you, you did believe him. After everything he’d said tonight. The way he’d treated you all night long. . . You knew he wanted you back. That much was clear. 

“I do know,” you relented, shoulders easing as your shoulders sagged the slightest bit at the admittance. Because saying it out loud made you realize how straight up depressing this ‘love story’ had become. If you could even call it that. “I’m just tired.”

“Me too,” he loosely grinned, but the way it hung on his lips showed he wasn’t happy. He was empathetic — right there with you, sitting in the sadness that was y/n and Jake. 

The final knock was quicker—sharper. The way she’d rapped made it seem that she was either nervous for Jake’s safety or angry at him for possibly ignoring her (which he was most definitely doing). 

With a nod towards the door, you began to encourage him to leave you. “You better go—.”

At the same time, he’d thrown a thumb towards the front of the house. “I’ve gotta—.”

The interaction had you two sharing one last smile before he was twisting the doorknob and slipping out the door. 

You could not be judged for the tears that accompanied you as you finished getting ready for the movie.

And you definitely weren’t going to own up to the way you hid your face under your massive hoodie on your way out. There was no way in hell you were going to look at the beauty who you heard, still, in Jake’s room. 

It wasn’t because you felt guilty — no. Not at all. It was for the simple fact that she had him and you didn’t. 

There was absolutely no fucking use in denying you were jealous. Fire was in your chest, steam still coming from your ears, and your teeth continued to clench uncomfortably as you hopped in the backseat of your Grandparents’ car. 

Thank god it wasn’t Josh’s clunker. You couldn’t handle throwing up from exhaust fumes on top of everything else tonight. 

December 23, 2022

The next day, you woke up feeling frustrated. . . various types of frustration. 

You started the day by just laying in bed, staring at the spinning fan on your ceiling. You tried to allow the fan to ease you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about your night with Jake — from start to finish. Many circles were drawn across your chest in contemplation until you realized you needed to get up and start the day and get some shit done. You had a late afternoon shift at the Black and Gold. So, when you glimpsed your phone and saw it was already later than 8:30, you figured it was past time to get the day started.

You checked your reflection in the mirror, brushing through your hair once before throwing it up in a ponytail. Your reflection was not your friend, but. . . It was what it was. 

After the way you’d left things last night, you figured you’d make talking to Jake your first stop after you brushed your teeth. He was leaving for his trip today and you didn’t want to leave things on an awkward note before he left. And. . . you just wanted to see him before he was gone for the next couple of days. You missed him already and he wasn’t even gone yet. 

You hadn’t heard him making breakfast yet, so you assumed he was still sleeping. When you opened the door to your room and peeked down the hallway to see his room closed, your theory was essentially confirmed. His door had been shut when you’d made it home from the movie, too. 

So, you went about your morning routine – hastily as you could. Went pee. Washed your face. Brushed your teeth. Checked your hemoglobin. Fed Stevie. 

After fifteen long minutes of daily tasks, you finally went to knock on his door. But, when you knocked once, it made his door swing open at the touch. . . It hadn’t been closed all of the way? 

And. . . When you opened his door, your heart sank. No.

All you found was his bed. . . empty and made. The only whisper of Jake was an empty, unused duffel bag on the bed. Was he. . . already gone? Had he left? Why hadn’t he told you? 

That last thought hurt most of all. You checked your phone in your hand to double check your texts – maybe he’d texted you and you’d missed it. But, on sight, no unread texts appeared in front of you in your thread with him.

You did your best to push past it before lamenting in it. You had work and shit to get done today on top of focusing on being a joyful home for your baby. What you felt, she sensed and felt in her own little way. And, you’d had enough stress at the end of the night last night for you to cause her any more this morning. 

So, going against all of your normal instincts, you decided to not think much of it. It felt like old times when you’d shove things down, but it was also drastically different. Because this time, you weren’t doing it to be avoidant. You were doing it out of a pure and unadulterated love – aimed solely at your baby. 

The kitchen was your first stop – where you placed your phone on the counter, face down to avoid checking. You then went to make yourself a pomegranate smoothie. After downing that drink like nothing (out of stress, unfortunately), you’d washed your smoothie glass and the BlendJet. But your mind still raced with thoughts of Jake and his whereabouts (again, unfortunately). You thought of how he hadn’t thought to tell you anything before leaving. Well. . . That was if he had left-left,. . . You still weren’t sure.

If that were the case and Jake had left town with Maya, had everything last night meant so little to him that he hadn’t even thought to tell you he was leaving early? It appeared as such since he’d just let you wake up to an empty apartment. He hadn’t worried if you felt alone. All that had mattered to him, as soon as she’d walked through the front door, was Maya. 

You knew you were overthinking the entire scenario. But you couldn’t stop. You’d always been like this — always overthought things. It was a habit. Mentally squeezing the toxins from your worries into nearly every brain cell while forcing yourself to digest the negative. And, eventually, you’d never fail to convince yourself of the worst. 

Most definitely a trauma response, you knew that. But that truth couldn’t magically stop you from doing it. 

Gia’s advice echoed in your brain. . . Out with the negative, reach for the positive.

For Lavender at the very least. It was what you needed to do. 

Find ways to be less stressed, y/n, you encouraged yourself, physically shaking your head to rid yourself of the onslaught of emotions. 

So, that was just what you did. The idea that came to mind was honestly ideal for Christmas Eve-Eve, too. 

The first thing you did was indulge yourself — preheated the oven to make some cookies. They were the cheap, circular, break-apart ones with the little Christmas trees from Walmart. (You’d definitely been lacking impulse control when you’d decided on buying them, as they were more than unhealthy — but you were glad you had now.) 

As the oven did its thing, you decided it was time to execute the next part of the plan. This morning, you’d actually felt cold rather than overheated (for the first time in a hot damn minute), thanks to a sudden temperature drop outside. So, after turning on the heat (by a notch), you went to your room and bundled up in your coziest sweats and a sweatshirt, fuzzy socks completing the attire. 

Your favorite, fluffiest blanket came next, right off the foot of your bed. You threw it over your shoulder with glee, actually looking forward to this impromptu self-care time you’d decided on. When your blanket was officially tossed to wait on the couch – along with your phone (which you still hadn’t checked) – you went to put the cookies on a sheet and in the oven on a timer. 

And, you even got a wild hair while in the kitchen — deciding to make a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Might as well go all out.

Once you had the beverage started, you went to the living room and flipped through streaming services until you found the exact Christmas movie you wanted. As if the Christmas gods were smiling down on you, Love Actually was actually streaming on Netflix. 

Right as you clicked play, the cookie timer went off. You got those out and put a few warm cookies on a Santa plate (that you’d rediscovered a few days ago at the back of your cabinet), then grabbed the hot cocoa and finally snuggled down on the couch. It didn’t take long for Stevie to happily join in on the cozy morning, tucking herself into the crook of your bent knee.  

With your phone close by once again, you decided there was no time like the present to text Elsie and let her know that you wanted to do something with her tonight. Having her in town again was going to be the best damn thing in the world. 

(You were also sort of looking for an excuse to check your phone.) 

At the same time Billy Mack finally got the lyrics right, you pulled out your phone to text her with a smile on your lips at Bill Nighy’s problematic character.

But the smile turned to a face of shock at what greeted you on your screen. The name made your tummy flip. 

Jake. Two texts awaiting you, both delivered about twenty minutes ago. 

Jake, 9:32 a.m.: hey. You were gone when we left and my phone died on the flight, so I didn’t tell you

Jake, 9:32 a.m.: but we had to leave town early for Maya’s dad’s Christmas. Flight got rearranged and shit. Should be home late tomorrow night. I’ll keep you updated :)

You stared at the gray bubble. Your mind was racing and your throat was tight with emotion. Yes, last night had happened — you’d done that shit to yourself. . . You just couldn’t help yourself.  It had been something you’d waited for. . . . Longer for it more than anything. But it’d still been a poor decision – you had to remember this. It was a poor decision that made your head spin. 

No, the head spinning was not on behalf of Maya. Fuck that bitch. This was about you; all it had done was hurt you. But, last night, as soon as he wasn’t with you anymore, all you’d had were your thoughts to sit with. Including this morning, you’d had plenty of time to face the hard truth of the matter. 

You weren’t important like Maya. Yes, he’d been fine forgetting about her for a moment last night. But he’d simply been a victim to temptation and lust. She was the one he chose to be in love with – stay with. Whatever emotions you thought you’d interpreted from him last night were invalid when you broke it all down. A lot of shit could be said in a moment of weakness and passion. . . And who the fuck knew if you could trust it. 

Your trauma advised you not to trust his words from the night prior. People couldn’t be trusted with everything they said. Not even Jake, you were afraid. The ones you were fondest of were the ones who could hurt you the worst. Your past never failed to confirm this for you.

The texts just reinforced all of your overthought. He was out of town already. With his girlfriend. He was not your boyfriend. He wasn’t leaving town to see your family. And he didn’t even care to text until this morning to tell you. Left you to worry about him. And surely his phone hadn’t died right off the bat – he could have said something. Also. . . There was no way they hadn’t landed hours ago. Phone chargers were also a thing one couldn’t forget, and he’d definitely had access to one before 9:30 a.m.. 

Easy, made up excuses stared at you from your phone screen. 

You didn’t matter to him. 

So you’d respond as such. (Even when you loved him so much. . . You had to put up a front to protect yourself.)

You, 9:58 a.m.: No worries. I didn’t even think twice about it. Figured you were with her. You two have fun!

In astonishment, you got chills as you realized what you’d just sent. You were proud of yourself. Even though you were internally keeling over with love and hurt for the man, you were playing it very cool. Things would be okay if you forced them to be. Fake it till you make it. Right? 

Besides, at the end of the day, you only had to ‘force’ the ‘cool’ in a few areas. Your past, your future, Jake. . . You only had to pretend so much. 

There were plenty of other areas of your life that were naturally ‘okay’ and happy and joyful. The sonogram picture filling your screen as you locked your phone was enough to remind you of this. The photo worked magic and calmed your nerves on sight. 

Your baby girl. Your little Lavender — your tiny saving grace. She was a gift — already. 

Another cookie had just popped into our mouth as you snuggled down to distract yourself with more of Kiera Knightley’s storyline. . . . when you felt your phone buzz – not once but twice. You tried to play it off and ignore the way your tummy flipped. Tried not to think about how your text hadn’t warranted a response (on purpose). And still. . . you’d received two.

Then there was a third buzz. The vibrating sensation against your thigh pulled your thoughts to Jake. You thought of how he’d been the one to put your phone on vibrate in the first place. You dreamily recalled just how naked he’d been when he’d done it. . . Fuck. The way you bit your lip was a secret told between you, the TV, and Stevie only.

Your eyes stayed glued to the screen as you tried to downplay images from your escapade the night before; the distraction of Rick Grimes in a romantic comedy only worked so well.

The waiting period lasted roughly ten minutes. By the end of it, you were left with zero self control. You unlocked the phone faster than you would ever like to admit. 

Why were you waiting to read and respond like it was a game? Was that the right way to ‘play it cool’? You didn’t know. You were new to this.

Jake, 10:10 a.m.: how are you this morning?

Jake, 10:11 a.m.: I should have texted you last night. 

Jake, 10:12 a.m.: I had to pack my shit at the last minute and our plane was literally about to depart when we got to the airport. A clusterfuck of sorts, one might say 

The little gray bubble with ellipses kept popping up, just as soon going away. He was trying to think of what to say or something. . . Though, you didn’t have to wonder what he was typing for long. The message showed up as soon as the ellipses disappeared for the fourth time. 

Jake, 10:13 a.m.: oh and we’re in Charleston. South Carolina. 

Jake, 10:13 a.m.: A bit of a ways away… her dad lives here. But if you need me, I’m just a text away. For anything you need

Another glimpsing ellipses. . . .

Jake, 10:16 a.m.: I also wanted to apologize for last night

Jake, 10:16 a.m.: I wish it wouldn’t have turned out that way

At his words, your heart broke into a thousand pieces in your chest. What did he mean by that? Was he apologizing for it happening at all? Did he mean to imply that he was wishing it wouldn’t have ended with the interruptions? Or was it that he wished he hadn’t ended up in your bed?

You sat in contemplation, skeptically eyeing the phone screen. To be safe, you chose to respond vaguely. For one, you didn’t know what he meant, so how could you respond to something that could mean two things? And for two, you didn’t want to reveal too much of your heart. . . might it break more at a less-than desired response from his end.

You, 10:20 a.m.: It ended the way it did for a reason. I ended up having a great time with Josh and Elsie. And, I’m sure you’ve had a wonderful time with your girlfriend. :)

You wrinkled your nose in pure disgust at the smiley face. Texting that shit did not make you feel smiley. The flashing ellipses appeared momentarily from him, but nothing came for a bit. There was a slight lull that made your heart sink. Even if you were trying to be guarded, you did not want to stop talking to him. What you’d pondered earlier was true. You already missed him. 

You were a few scenes ahead in the movie twenty-some minutes later. . . Still waiting. Until you weren’t. His name popping up on the screen barely registered before you were unlocking to see what he’d said.

Jake, 10:45 a.m.: Elsie and Josh always bring a good time with them

Jake, 10:45 a.m.: As do you

Fuck. And what did that mean? Your pulse thrummed under your thumbs as they hovered over the keyboard. What would you say to that? Was there anything more laced in those three words?

Once you’d given that a good two minute stare, you went for a simple, kind response. 

You, 10:48 a.m.: Thanks, Jake. :)

For the first time that morning, you felt completely satisfied with what you’d texted. Two words and a smiley face. A win was a win. 

He didn’t waste time. Even though his read receipts weren’t on, the ellipses gave him away every time. Though, you weren’t sure if he cared too much that you noticed. . .

Jake, 10:50 a.m.: I really mean it, y/n. Last night was fucking incredible

While his words should have made you leap for joy, you weren’t sure how to feel about them. They made you feel sort of. . . Cheap. The way you immediately interpreted it was that he only thought you brought a good time when it came to your body. 

And while, yes, that was a turn on. . . It only made your heart feel halfway full. You loved how he’d viewed your body and treated it, but. . . Last night, for you, had been more about the long stares. The secret smiles. The heartfelt words exchanged (that he might have meant and might not have meant). Yes, his naked body was right at the front of your brain (how could it not be? Look at him). But, he was what mattered most to you. 

Not his appearance. Or his dick. Or his mouth. Or his fingers. (But, god, yes. Of course those really mattered, too).

In fact, in spite of yourself, you were squirming on your couch thinking of those things as you saw another gray ellipses pop up on the screen.

Jake, 10:52 a.m.: I thought about you the entire flight, baby

Jake, 10:52 a.m.: you are so fucking special to me. Your heart is the most beautiful thing about you

Jake, 10:53 a.m.: I have to tell you though. All night, I kept beating myself up over how close I was to finally fucking you again. Haven’t stopped thinking about it, actually 

Okay, then. 

The warm flush in your face traveled all the way down to the pit of your tummy. Your mouth fell open before you were closing it to bite your lip. Your heart thumped in your chest at the words taunting you from your screen. 

What does one say to that? If you were squirming before, you were fucking trembling now. Your movie was a faint noise in the background and what was left of your hot chocolate was bound to turn cold. You stared at that message long enough that the words started morphing together. 

Last night had been both a blessing and a curse. A tease of what you’d been wanting. And you could have gotten it. Had it not been for his stupid ass girlfriend. Elsie had been an issue, too, yes. But, you could’ve easily gotten rid of her. But Maya? Damn that woman. And damn her family for taking him away from you — so. far. away.

When you finally thought of something to say, you weren’t sure if it was truly the best thing to say. For the sake of exposing too much of your heart for eventual brokenness, you chewed on it. But eventually, you decided that you didn’t care. 

You, 11:06 a.m.: It was the worst way the evening could’ve ended. I was pretty fucking angry when she showed up because I knew you’d end up going to her. As always.

So much for not exposing your heart and playing it cool. That text screamed at you that it had all been for nothing. . . because at the end of the day, Jake Kiszka was your biggest weakness. And that was even without being pregnant. So, the hormones did nothing to assist you in the issue. 

Even though your response had taken a while, he didn’t let that get the best of him. His responses were speedy as hell. Maybe he really had been thinking about it. . .

Jake, 11:09 a.m.: I had no choice. I’d made that commitment to her

The words caused crimson red to flash in front of your eyes and your brain didn’t process time as you responded. 

You wanted to pop the fuck off on him. So, you did. 

You, 11:10 a.m.: What about the commitment I’ve made to carry your child? Am I nothing for that? Can’t even tell her to wait? Maybe make some time for me? Just for a quick fuck? I’d hope I’m worth at least that, Jake. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have said it. . . But you also didn’t fully regret saying it. You made a solid point (kind of). (. . .Except for the glaring fact that it hadn’t been his choice for you to make that bodily commitment. . . When it had been his choice to be and stay with her.) Honestly, the part you loved most about the fact was the spitefulness inflicted behind your words. It might have made you a bitch, but you were tired of acting like your feelings were one way when you knew for a damned well fact that they weren’t. 

You knew how much you cared. Hell, you’d made the move to admit to yourself (and him, apparently — way back when) that you loved the man, for crying out loud. The least you could do was show yourself some grace in being fucking honest in your anger. You really were hurt from last night. To hell with sounding petulant and unreasonable and ridiculous. . . You could always blame it on the hormones (which could very well be seriously to blame).

Your palms felt damp as you held your phone in slightly shaky hands. Your vision was still fuzzy and too clear all at once as you awaited his response. This one took a little longer than the others. 

Over your time waiting for him to say something, you tried to decide between two things. First, you weren’t sure if you were totally okay with what you’d said. (You were very angry, but that didn’t necessarily validate a person for snapping like you had.) And secondly, you contemplated if what you said was completely within reason and you were more angry with him for taking so damn long to answer.

Trying to get out of your head, you chose to engage in the movie the best you could. You only made it about twenty minutes before his name was on your screen again. 

Jake, 11:22 a.m.: what happened to you being the one who wanted me to go be with her all the damn time? You’ve been pretty insistent that I keep my sights set on her. What changed?

Your eyes narrowed at that. Yes, he had a point. . . But you didn’t give a fuck. So did you.

You, 11:23 a.m.: What changed???

You, 11:23 a.m.: Well, for one. YOU were pretty damn insistent on me being the center of your attention last night. YOU were fine with forgetting about her until all of that went out the window with one knock.

And, for a bit, it continued like that. Just the two of you, bickering. You, blowing smoke out of your ass and him, testing you right back.

Jake, 11:24 a.m.: I can’t forget about her if she’s literally at the front fucking door

You, 11:24 a.m.: And whose fault was that?

Jake, 11:25 a.m.: um. Not mine?? Why are you acting like I was in charge of the flight getting rescheduled last minute? 

You, 11:25 a.m.: Maybe if you would have kept your phone on you, you would have known that she was on her way. We wouldn’t have had to talk so damn much before. We could’ve gotten right fucking to it. 

Jake, 11:25 a.m.: my phone was the last thing I was thinking about when we left that bathroom

Jake, 11:26 a.m.: also, I have to ask. Is that all you wanted it to be? Just a quick fuck?

You, 11:28 a.m.: No. But I wouldn’t be surprised if YOU were fine with it just being a ‘quick fuck.’ 

Jake, 11: 29 a.m.: why me? Why is it always me who wouldn't want that?

You, 11:29 a.m.: It’s always been like that. Right?

Jake, 11:30 a.m.: you have got to be fucking joking. You know for a fact that’s not true.

You, 11:31 a.m.: Do I?

Jake, 11:32 a.m.: you damn well should know it. I don’t eat pussy like that for girls who are just a quick fuck

Oh. Well, then. You were left with no time to consider those words — or the way they were affecting you — before he was texting right after with his own rebuttal. 

Jake, 11:33 a.m.: is that you telling me that it’s always been like that for you though? I’ve only ever been a quick fuck?

You, 11:35 a.m.: Of course not.

Jake, 11:35 a.m.: okay then. So quit accusing me of it.

You, 11:36 a.m.: When have I ever been the one to sleep with multiple people at once? Wouldn’t you worry about being a quick fuck if roles were reversed?

That one must’ve left him stumped because you waited a few minutes for him to come back. Or, much to your dislike, you knew he could also be busy with Maya. Too busy to text you back. At that thought, a gentle hand drew to your tummy for comfort as your eyes welled with tears that you couldn’t avoid.

Jake, 11:39 a.m.: I don’t know why you are so convinced that I’m some sexual lunatic who has slept with all of these women. There were a few when I moved here, yes

Jake, 11:40 a.m.: but that only lasted for a bit and then it was just you and Maya. I’m not some man whore, y/n. My head was just fucked for a while and I didn’t know what else to fucking do with my emotions. Sex was easy so I used it to cope

You, 11:41 a.m.: It’s always me AND Maya. Isn’t it, Jake? Has it always been both of us? The whole summer, was it both of us? And you picked her, so.

Jake, 11:43 a.m.: we’ve talked about this, y/n

Vaguely, you remembered it. But it was hazy and wrapped around a lot of weed and a night that resulted in a baby. You could only remember things in bits from that night and they came back when they wanted. The details of his Maya explanation (because you knew there had been one — you remembered that much) were fuzzy and jumbled at best.

You, 11:44 a.m.: You know I don’t remember everything from that night, Jake. Definitely don’t remember enough to feel solid in claiming I remember EXACTLY what you told me.

Jake, 11:48 a.m.: well. I told you that I saw her for like a month from the middle of June to the middle of July. You asked if I kept seeing her after the night at baby’s all right and I told you that I had because I didn’t think you wanted me. At the time she was a woman who wanted to have regular sex with me and she was just there for me during a really hard time

Jake, 11:49 a.m.: but when you and I started fucking, I cut her off right away. Barely said a word to her to explain why I was done. Kind of ghosted her, actually. All that mattered to me at that point was that you wanted me. Because all I had wanted since the day I first saw you was you. But you only wanted me to a certain extent and then that day in the kitchen, I found out you didn’t want me at all. At least that was what you told me. 

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: you didn’t give me much of a choice that day, if you remember. I had served my purpose and you didn’t want me anymore

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: so I ran back to someone who was familiar and there she was. Point of the matter is you didn’t want me and it broke me, y/n. She wanted me, so we became more. It just happened like that

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: right now is the first time it’s honestly been both of you at the same time. And I’m not sure what the fuck I’m doing to be honest with you. I just know I want you so fucking badly it hurts me every single day. And she is someone I care about enough that I don’t want to break her heart. It’s just really fucking complicated

You sat in shock as you read the four messages. In all of your time knowing him, you had never seen the man type such long texts. . . and all back to back. He’d been waiting a while to say a lot of this. You were grateful he was being honest with you, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t fucking suck to read all of it. It made you want to shrink into yourself and succumb to all of the tears you could muster. Which, at this moment, were sure to be a hell of a lot if you gave in to the pressure pushing at your tear ducts. The pressure in your chest made the tears seem like nothing, though. You felt a weight fall so fucking heavy at your breastbone, you were positive your heart had become a fifty pound weight.

He had definitely put you on the spot with all of that just now. You were at a loss for words. But you had to say something. But your fight or flight was combatting with your raging hormones and your rambling emotions. So, even if you weren’t totally sure of it, you went ahead and typed out what you felt best in your fucked up head.

You, 11:53 a.m.: It’s really unfair of you to put all of the back and forth over the summer on me. You could have had me sooner had you not been such an asshole to me. I wanted you, too. Even if I shouldn’t have wanted you, I did. I had no fucking clue what to think half of the time, Jake. 

Your thumbs flew across the keyboard on your screen before he had time to respond. You had your own shit to say, and the more you typed, the more you didn’t have to think about it. There was some long overdue shit that you needed to express, too.

You, 11:54 a.m.: I was dealing with my own conflicted emotions when it came to how to approach shit with you because I didn’t want to betray Josh’s trust in our friendship by going against his wishes and seeing you. He didn’t want you seeing people. I knew that and I still saw you. So, I felt like shit over that. 

You, 11:55 a.m.: But since finding out about the baby, he and I have talked about all of that and I wish I would have just fessed up to him because I think it would have helped me be more open to everything. At the same time though, I’ve never wanted another woman to get in the way of you pursuing your dream. I didn’t want to be the reason you put yourself on the backburner again. 

You, 11:57 a.m.: I have cared about you for so long, Jake. Even when you were a prick, I cared about you. Josh once said we are more alike than we think and he is right. In a lot of ways, we are alike. One way we are not alike, though, is I have a really fucked up past that I don’t want you to have to deal with. Period. And I’m not fucking budging on that.

You, 11:58 a.m.: But I do want you, too. I hate it because I don’t want anything between us to ever get in the way of what could make you happiest. I’ve always felt this pull to you that I wish I didn’t because it’s unfair to you. And now that I have this baby inside of me… it is near impossible for me to deny the pull. I don’t WANT to deny it. But, at the same time, you are with someone else and that makes me feel even shittier about myself for possibly destroying it for you. And I’m just not sure what the fuck to do. 

He must have been reading them as they came in because his responses were coming back quickly.

Jake, 12:01 p.m.: don’t let any of what we engaged in last night or before make you feel like shit. That is the last fucking thing I want. Our past is complicated and maybe we will never figure it out. We definitely don’t need to be sorting it all out over text 

Jake, 12:02 p.m.: but I do know that if I don’t give in to this pull that we are both feeling right now, I’m going to regret it forever. No matter who else is involved, I need to have you again. And because of our situation, sex seems to be the only thing we are going to be able to have. It sucks, but it’s what we’ve done to ourselves

There was no way you could disagree with him when it came to regretting it. You would regret it forever, too. You had to have him. But. . . the worst part about all of it was that you knew it couldn’t last. Both of you were destined to be in a constant battle of never being able to fully have each other and that was fucking gut wrenching at best. 

And even if he didn’t want you to feel shitty, you did. Because the fact that it ever ended was your fault. Your fucked up brain from your fucked up childhood that you couldn’t even fully remember. It was the most repulsive and hilarious shit. Hilarious in the sense that it wasn’t funny. At all.

At that moment, you didn’t know what to do. So, you did what you did best and denied what you could to push past the hard emotions. You didn’t want to spend Christmas Eve Eve being down on yourself. As a gift to yourself, you wanted to grant yourself that reprieve. In the way you knew best. Avoidance. 

You, 12:03 p.m.: I know that at the end of the day, Maya is who you’d want anyway. I’m too much, Jake. You haven’t put up with me long enough to understand it. 

You, 12:03 p.m.: I am very thankful that you found Gia for me. So, really. Thank you again, because therapy is how I’m going to get better for Lavender. But SHE is my only goal right now. The baby. 

You, 12:04 p.m.: So I think it’s for the best that we’ve done this to ourselves. Truly. Sex is what we are best at anyway. It’s all we should be doing. When emotions get involved, we fuck it up. And when it’s just sex, it’s easier to cut off.

Jake, 12:05 p.m.: it’s funny. You said the same exact shit last time, but it didn’t make anything any easier for me in the end

You, 12:06 p.m.: So now it’s all about you?

Jake, 12:06 p.m.: jesus, y/n. Cut the shit. It wasn’t easy for you either

You, 12:07 p.m.: Well, I wish it would have been. 

Jake, 12:08 p.m.: I wish it would have been too. But we can’t always get what we fucking want, can we?

In order to avoid an argument, you took that as an opportunity to drop a joke. Again, you were trying to give yourself a gift. And an argument over half-lies with the man you loved was not a gift.

You, 12:09 p.m.: We sure can’t, Mick Jagger. 

After about ten minutes of staring at your screen with no response, you started losing faith in any sort of arrangement working out with Jake. And again, you’d only have yourself to blame for screwing up any progress that you two were making with the emotional explosion, from both of you, over fucking text messages. 

Your screen was becoming your worst enemy. You didn’t want to look at your rejected bright blue text any longer. But you were stuck in a staring contest with it, no matter how hard you didn’t want to be.

The laser focus concentration had you fucking jumping when the phone in your hand started buzzing with a call. But as soon as you calmed down and focused on Elsie’s name, your breath rushed back into your lungs at the fact that it was her. You needed her. 

Sweet relief. Thank you, Els, you thought gratefully as you clicked the green button, carefully sliding out of your texts before putting Elsie on speaker. 

You did not want to accidentally send a voice memo or a weird ass text by staying in your texts with Jake, as a phone got pressed to your heated cheek. 

“Hey El—.”

“Hey bitch, I’m pulling into the parking lot,” Elsie’s energetic voice cut you off. She’d most definitely been up for several hours already, being much more of a morning person than you’d ever been. “If you aren’t ready when I come knock on the door, I’m disowning you.”

“Give me a damn minute!” You grumbled, albeit happily, at her intrusion. You turned off the TV as soon as you could, though. Had to escape the confines of your living room. “You just called me.” After throwing the blanket off of you, you rushed around to throw away your cookies and dumped your cocoa down the sink. After washing all of the dishes you’d used, you went to find some decent clothing for an outing. Comfort was still key today, so some leggings and a sweatshirt were your goal. 

The conversation with her carried on into your bedroom, while you found clothes to wear. She was doing most of the talking as you figured out what to wear. A bigger black sweatshirt, black leggings, and black fuzzy socks. And a maternity bra today. The sports bras were decent, but the maternity bras felt much better, if you were given the choice. 

You took a minute to relieve your ear from Elsie’s rambling. When you pulled the phone away, she was still going on and on about something slightly crotchety your grandmother had said offhandedly that morning.

And when you took a break from her talking, your head cleared enough that you decided to put on a little bit of makeup. 

So, rather than continuing to be rude and ignore her spiel, you ended up telling her to just ‘be patient and wait for a few minutes’  in the car. You made sure to tack on a promise that you’d be down soon.

After she hung up with one last ‘hurry up!,’ you finished your mascara with a final comb over your left lashes. You brushed through your hair a couple of times in front of your full body mirror. And when you were observing your chosen outfit, your eyebrows drew in when you looked better at the dark material of the sweatshirt in the mirror. Bavarian Inn? This didn’t belong to you. . . You didn’t recognize it and it fit slightly bigger than your other sweaters. 

The closer you looked, the more you noticed it gave a specific location for the Inn. . . Frankenmuth, Michigan — the guys’ hometown. Right below the name of the hotel. Did this belong to Jake. . .? It could’ve been Josh’s, Sam’s, or Danny’s. . . . You knew it belonged to one of them, thanks to the Michigan reference. You were almost sure of it. 

But, still, an idea struck in your head.

You snapped a few quick selfies in the bigger sweatshirt. You made sure to angle the camera in a way that helped you feel confident and cute, while also showing the sweater. Your toes wiggled nervously in your white, fuzzy socks. 

You noticed your hair flowed over your shoulder beautifully. It helped you feel a little more confident in your idea.

After taking a few seconds to critique the photos, you chose the best one and sent it to Jake. 

Deep breath in. Why were you even anxious? His face had literally been between your thighs twelve hours ago.  

You, 12:23 p.m.: Yours? 

You, 12:23 p.m.: Or Theo’s? 🤔

For a second, you questioned if it was a good idea to send it. . . You were clearly just starting shit. But, glancing back at your bed, you remembered what had happened on it just a little more than twelve hours ago and how it was cut short by Jake and his girlfriend’s commitment. And, any sort of anxiety over sending it dissipated. 

And the idea that his girlfriend might see your text was fucking thrilling.

You clicked the phone closed, not wanting to watch and wait for a response. As you walked to the living room, you rubbed a hand over your belly before you stopped to give Stevie a few rubbies. She had hopped up on the back of the couch to bid you farewell. With one more twirl to her tail, you gave her back a gentle scratch before telling her you’d see her later.

Then, in no time, your belt bag was slung over your shoulder—almost good to go. As you laced up your trusty white, high-top Chucks, you felt your phone buzz in your belt bag. And simultaneously, you heard Elsie in the back of your head telling you to get your ass to the car. 

So, after slipping on your thicker coat to combat the cooler temperatures, you quickly made your way out of the apartment. 

It felt like old times to, once again, sit in the passenger seat of your Grandma’s old BMW. It was on its way to becoming a family heirloom, at this point. The car, having been new when you and Elsie had been kids. 

“Broke out this old clunker, hm?” You asked with a lilt in your tone. Even though you’d been in the car for a few minutes already, the shivering was nonstop with the shocking drop in temperature outside. Leaning forward a bit, belly tucked in the crook of your thighs, you placed your hands in front of the heat. After a couple beats, you were already feeling slightly better. 

And warm, warm, warm.

Man. While it was undoubtedly the coldest day so far for December of ‘22, the older car’s intense heat worked wonders. And it was quickly making you regret the coat. 

Without another thought, you were throwing off the offensive, heavy coat and throwing it in the pristinely kept backseat. Though, you knew, if Elsie took ownership of this car when she moved back, it wouldn’t stay like that for much longer. She was terrible at keeping a car clean. Unfortunately. Because, in all honesty, the car had been kept in great condition for its age. You’d expect no less from your Grandma, who kept everything sparkly clean. It was hardly a ‘clunker’. But it was still much older than your Jetta. 

“Did you hear nothing I said on the phone?” Elsie accused, but her voice indicated she wasn’t angry. She snorted a laugh before she spoke again. “I swear if Jake was up there with his whore of a girlf—.”

“Elsie!”

“Shut the fuck up,” she responded, rolling out of the lot in the vintage silver car. “You know you don’t like her.”

Rather than agreeing, you gave a bullshit response to save face. “Els, I’m trying to be better about respecting–.”

“Stop. She’s heinous and we don’t like her. It’s okay to say that, babe,” Elsie insisted, driving smoothly through a red light when she definitely shouldn’t have. “You, of all people, hold the right to bitch about the bitch.”

“Okay, Red Light Fuckin’ Special,” you poked at her, pulling down the mirror to swipe your lips with chapstick. “Jesus.”

“Red Light Special. . .,” She hummed, clicking her nails against the stereo as she turned up the Ariana Grande song. “That’s what Josh calls me when I go down at a red li—.”

“Okay, no,” you gagged, pretending to vomit at the thought. “Not this early in the day.”

“It is not early. It’s past noon. Damn, sleepy pants. ‘S like you’re carrying another life or something,” Elsie jested, looking over at you just as you did her, offering you a wink. “And that was no red light special, sis. No, no. California Roll is what I like to call that little move,” she jokingly boasted, tossing her perfectly curled hair over her shoulder. 

After the move, she did a little jig with her shoulders to a key change in the song, belting the lyrics from the top of her lungs. 

You couldn’t help but momentarily join in, letting “Santa Baby” by Ariana and Liz flow past your lips, fresh with Baby Lips chapstick. 

After sharing a giggle, you glanced at her from the corner of your eye after checking your very janky nails. “Can we get a manicure today?”

“Oh yes please,” she begged, sniffing a bit as she turned into the nearest Waffle House. Your favorite, trusted location. Just a few blocks from your apartment. “Christmas nails?”

“Ohhhh yes,” you agreed, placing your Baby Lips back in your belt bag. “But let’s do something subtle since it’s almost Christmas,” you laughed, zipping up your bag. The pocket with your phone buzzed again, reminding you of its earlier notification as you’d tied your Chucks.

Oh, yeah. . .Jake. You’d actually kind of forgotten about him.

You took Elsie’s momentary distraction with her lipstick in her mirror to check your phone. 

When you saw you had five texts from him, your tummy flipped and a sly grin pulled at your lips. You loved the way his name looked on your screen. You really did. And you were really hoping you’d gotten to him with your text. . . if even just a little bit.

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: what the fuck?? 

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: yes, y/n. It’s mine. I’m from Frankenmuth. Why the fuck would he have been to a tiny ass town like my hometown?

Jake, 12:30 p.m.: did you invite that fucker over last night or something? After hanging out with Elsie and Josh? Is that why you’re wondering if it’s his?

Jake, 12:31 p.m.: actually. Never mind that question. It’s not my place to care

Jake, 12:33 p.m.: I just hope the sweatshirt is keeping you warm enough

You couldn’t wipe the silly grin off your face or shoo away the butterflies going erratic in your tummy at his several texts in a row. Unbeknownst to you, though, Elsie had caught you, apparently. 

“What did Jake say?” 

What? How did she–? Your phone wasn’t even in her line of sight.

Y/n, the voice in your head said, sounding like Elsie as well. Be so for real. . . She knows you better than anyone.

But still, after opening and closing your mouth like a fish for a solid thirty seconds or more, you asked her. 

“How do you know it’s Jake?”

Fuck! Why didn’t you deny it?

Because there’s no point and you know it, the voice seemed to laugh at you. No point in lying to someone who will catch you in it.

 She didn’t answer you right off the bat, just curled her lips in a knowing grin as she raised a brow at you. You continued looking over at her, feeling stupid and not knowing what else to do. You shrugged, bugging your eyes with a shake of your head as if to say ‘what?!’. She looked like she was about to explode with laughter, with the way her lips shook and her eyes brightened mischievously. 

“How do I know it’s–?” She squeaked, a giggle finally escaping her lips. “Y/n– babe. Sis. Please. Don’t even act like I don’t know you’ve been imagining him in your bed every night since you found out in October. Probably even before you found out, too!” She exclaimed, sneaking a glance over at you as she turned the volume down. “You know I fucking know. It’s me!”

Obviously, you knew she was right. But you weren’t going to just let her get off that easily.

“Did Josh tell you anything?” You asked, suspicious that the activities from your game night had been exposed to your older sister.

“Maybe he spilled some information after your sad ass got out of the car last night. . .,” she smirked, eyebrows scrunched together in faked thought. 

“My ‘sad ass’? I was totally fine last nigh–.”

“Stop lying to me!” She rolled her eyes with a laugh in disbelief, the pitch in her voice raising with exasperation. “I heard Jake during our phone call and Josh put two and two together when we picked you up.”

“What did he–? How did he know anyth–?”

“He saw Maya’s car when we got there, I guess. Didn’t say anything about his little clue until the night was over though. After I brought up how depressed you’d acted all night long.”

“I didn’t act depressed, Elsie. God,” you corrected her, knowing she was most definitely the correct one. 

You knew you’d acted beaten down. Stupid – should’ve used last night to have fun rather than playing your turn of events over and over again in your head. Last night should have been a night of celebration that your sister was finally home (for good). 

You should have enjoyed the movie about Whitney fucking Houston while indulging in delicious food at Nitehawk during the movie. 

The stress eating had been unavoidable – especially when the menu had come out and your favorite dish had practically screamed your name. The root beer float and Charlie Bucket after your meal had been a pure act of self care for your broken heart. But. . . you’d still wound up sobbing during the final scene of the movie over much more than the obviously heartbreaking death of Whitney. Because, as she’d sung those songs, all that had appeared in your head was a reel of you and Jake. 

So, as Elsie and Josh had sung the movie soundtrack from the top of their lungs on the way home, you’d continued to silently sulk in the backseat as you finished the gummies in your Charlie Bucket. Your hood had been up and over your head to conceal your emotions. Said head, having laid dramatically against the car window as they’d had the time of their lives in the front seat. 

Okay. . . . Maybe you had been transparent in your emotions. 

“Yeah. . . You’re remembering, huh? Little Miss Depressed McMopey,” she smirked, although the smile didn’t reach her eyes as she seemed to be feeling your reminiscent melancholy with you. Not ever one to let you sit in your sadness for too long, she was squeezing your arm to bring you back to the moment. Your eyes snapped up to hers, the light in her blue irises brightened your spirits once more. “There she is. . .,” she paused, rubbing your arm until you were giving her the best smile you could manage. It wasn’t hard to put one on — not with Els; she made you feel at peace just by existing. “Now. . . back to Jake’s hands being all up in your no-no square during game night.”

At your open mouthed squeak, reminiscent to Lizzie-fucking-McGuire, she bursted out with a laugh. 

“Ohhh yeah, y/n,” she chuckled knowingly, blinking a few times for emphasis. “Oh. Yeah.”

Your mouth continued to gape, questions spilling past your lips in choppy sentences and barely intelligible words. To be fair, you were in shock at the sudden change in topic — the fact that she knew. 

“Josh told me everything. Well. . . everything he knows at least,” she cut into your sounds, your mouth momentarily clamping shut. “The rest I can piece together because you, sis, are my favorite puzzle to try and solve – always have been, always will be. It’s because you’re a fun puzzle for me. . . I put every piece together every damn time.”

You stared her down. Brows furrowed in contemplation and simmering annoyance. The fire that licked your veins was at Joshua for exposing you to her before you’d gotten the guts to say anything. “What is ‘everything’? What all did he divulge?” You were finally able to spit something out, your tone begging her to give more information. There was no hiding anything from her. No point in hiding anything in the first place – she was always going to figure you out — one way or another. 

She was right. She did solve your puzzle ‘every damn time’. 

She stayed quiet, smirking like a little rat. And curiosity getting the best of you as you squirmed under her knowing look. Like a petulant child, you crossed your arms over your chest, twitching your nose. “And what in the hell happened to my sweet best friend, Josh, who’s never liked exposing other peoples’ shit? He’s just decided that he’s done keeping my business, my business? Now he’s making it his to share–?”

“Oh, babe,” she interrupted you. “You two made it everyone’s business the other night, from what I heard. . . So, no. Josh still keeps shit to himself that isn’t his to share, but. . . he recalled his memory to me. My ears had to hear all of the details that you two exposed everyone to. It is not his fault that he had to witness pornography–.”

“He has got to stop with the porn shit,” you argued back, grasping for something to keep up your end of the conflict. “And it wasn’t ‘us two’. It was Jacob who started shit like that in front of everyone. I was an innocent party – a casualty at the hands of his attack.”

“Oh, yes. Little Miss Innocent. Mhm,” she snorted, turning the volume completely off before pinning you with a stare. “You definitely weren’t spreading your legs for your baby daddy. Right next to his damn girlfriend and everything.”

“Fuck,” you sighed, wimpily facepalming with one hand at her recollection. You didn’t know why you were fighting her on this. She was completely right and you knew it. Josh wouldn’t lie and Elsie wouldn’t bullshit you. The story she was telling sounded like the absolute truth and there was no getting around what she knew.

Besides, you could really use Elsie’s expertise on the situation. 

“He started it,” you moaned, placing both hands on your face to cover yourself a bit more. Even if it was Elsie, your sister who knew you best of all, you’d been caught red handed. And you were embarrassed.  You still couldn’t believe it had happened — in front of everyone. 

But, it had. And you had to own up to it once more. So, you released your face to look her in the eyes. Get it over with. “I couldn’t fucking resist. Because, yes, Elsie. Big ‘ol fucking shocker. You are right and I haven’t stopped wanting Jake in my bed. Not once,” you rambled, eyes widening to emphasize your point as you explained. “Practically since the moment I met him – even when he was acting like a prick. Since the beginning, I’ve wanted him. Yes. And the whole ‘being pregnant with his baby’ thing just makes matters worse, so give me. a fucking. break.”

There you go. You said it and there was no taking it back now. 

Would you look at that? Admitting things to yourself at the same time you were admitting them to your sister. Was it considered growth? Gia would probably say so. 

“Caught ya. But I knew all of that already,” she snickered, turning up the seat warmer on her side, showing her intrigue. “So, what did he say that no one heard? I need the tiny details. I know everything else. Did you two end up fuckin’ or what?”

Well. Not quite. So, you’d deny. As long as you could.

“No! He has a girlfriend, Elsie.” 

Didn’t stop you last night. Come on, y/n. . . 

You shook your head at the inner voice taunting you. “Even if I do want him, I shouldn’t want him,” you mumbled, knowing that was the truth. No matter what had happened, you were wrong for wanting him. “Whether his baby is inside of me or not, I shouldn’t. Morality is a thing, you know.”

Yeah. Morality means so much after last night. You are so right, y/n. Morality Queen. In the flesh. 

Memories and moments from the night prior were bouncing around in your head, playing a game of torture and mockery as you said one thing while re-living another. Your moans as he’d devoured you, everywhere. His naked body, under your hands. Your tits, held so well in his hands. The emotional exchanging of words. His dick, just about to enter you. . . Had it not been for–.

“Mhm,” she replied, lips pursed as she narrowed her eyes at you. “But you do want him. So. . . Fucking take him. I am sure you two have already fucked again anyway. So, the morality bullshit means virtually nothing at this point.”

“We haven’t had sex again, Elsie,” you grumbled, brushing a hand through your hair as your phone buzzed again in your hands. At the feeling against your thigh, you suddenly got terrified that you’d accidentally recorded and sent this entire conversation. Fuck. You hurriedly picked up your phone in shaky hands to check for any accidental recordings. 

When you glanced at your screen, you saw a new text from Jake. But you barely cared until you opened your text thread with him to find out if you’d accidentally sent anything. . .

But, you found no accidental messages when you checked your thread. Thank god. You hadn’t sent anything. All that greeted you were his (now six) texts sitting and awaiting a response. The five from earlier, still glaring at you. 

His most recent one yanked your heart from your chest and shoved it into your throat, though. Your eyes slid down the screen, taking in every word.

Jake, 12:47 p.m.: I’m really sorry for being an ass. I know I shouldn’t ask you about him. But just like you hate thinking about Maya and me, I hate thinking about you and him. But I know I shouldn’t ask you shit. Just know I miss you and I really do hope the sweatshirt has kept you and our baby girl warm in the fuckin frigid weather. I checked Brooklyn’s forecast today and it’s cold for you guys. So please stay warm. You don’t need to be getting sick

You couldn’t read that and not respond to him – especially when you’d been the one to stir shit during a morning already wrought with tense text messages. . . after a night like last night. 

So, even as Elsie cleared her throat in anticipation, you gave her a sideways glance. “Just give me a sec, Els,” you insisted, already typing out your response to him.

“Is it Jake?”

“Fuck, Elsie!” You whined, blinking once at your screen before your eyes flew to glare at her. “Yes, Elsie Mabel. It is Jake,” you sneered, irritable and hungry. And, due to being very much pregnant, those two things were enhanced tenfold, making your blood heat. And, quite frankly, your head was swimming with lovesickness for the man on the other side of the phone – who was way too far away for your fucking liking, thanks to his bitch of a girlfriend. 

“And, if you must know, while we haven’t had sex, it is not for lack of fucking trying. Last night, my dear, dear sister, his face was most definitely between my thighs,” you stated, watching her jaw drop. Both of her dainty hands went to her mouth to cover a giant, shit-eating grin. “Yes, Elsie. You are right. It is exciting. I’d love to smile and celebrate with you,” you feigned glee, sarcasm dripping from your tone when a sneer met your lips with your next words. “However, it can’t be completely exciting. Because, that blissful act had almost turned into sex. His dick was right there—waiting for fucking entry and everything.” You took a moment to consider if you’d said too much. But you didn’t care enough to contemplate it much more than that. “But, Elsie, your interrupting phone calls and Maya’s quite unexpected arrival made that shit impossible for us. His dick, taken away from me and wrapped, yet again, behind a fucking towel.” pausing, you reeled in your dramatics (again, you were pregnant. Emotions were high. . . And, admittedly, you were still very wound up from last night). 

You gave her a moment to let the shock fade however it could before you were looking back at your phone screen. “Now, please, let me finish this fucking text.”

You, 12:54 p.m.: Jake. Stop. I am the one who started it with my texts. So, please, don’t apologize for getting upset. I wanted to make you upset and THAT was wrong of ME. I was the one being an ass. For no reason whatsoever. And I am the one sorry for THAT. It was stupid. Seriously. 

You, 12:55 p.m.: Also, I am staying warm. Your sweatshirt is very comfy and I am wearing my big coat and thick socks. 

And while you really didn’t want to send the next text, you still did. It was what was right. 

You, 12:56 p.m.: Now, please. Spend time with Maya and don’t worry about me. I don’t want to take any more of your time away from her. Put your phone down and focus on her. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine and I will see you when you get back. 

Not wanting to do it at all, you couldn’t deny the validity in the idea that instantly sprung to your mind to keep him away. It was a good idea.

You, 12:56 p.m.: In fact, I’ll put my phone on Do Not Disturb to remind you to not reach out. I would like for you to enjoy your time with her without being bothered by me and my antics.

Doing just what you said you would, you took a moment to switch your phone onto Do Not Disturb and locked your phone before angrily shoving it in your belt bag. You really fucking hated saying all of that shit about Maya. You hated the entire situation. All of it. Every side of your predicament sucked ass. The only thing that didn’t make you want to punch a wall was Lavender. 

You felt tears well in your eyes at the thought of her and let yourself wallow for a minute as you tried to take steady breaths. Your eyes focused on the offensive bright yellow color of the Waffle House in front of you as your mind swirled with thoughts of your future. Your baby.

She was a prize that you continuously didn’t deserve. And, selfishly, you were so ready to just hold her and feel like your pain through all of this was worth something. Because, no matter what, even if your heart broke for Jake every day, this baby was the best thing that could’ve come from what the two of you had always seemed to have. The thing between you and Jake that had never been for his best interest. A ridiculous mess you’d created. . . The night you made her, the one validating part of your selfish ideas that had come to fruition. 

Nothing else had ever worked in favor of you two, most likely due to the fact that you two weren’t supposed to work. And, you were absolutely the sole cause for that. Fuck you and fuck everything that made you so damn screwed up and unworthy of a pure love.

No, y/n. Stop it. Don’t do this, the voice in your head that mimicked Gia insisted. Out with the negative, reach for the positive. 

You put a hand to your tummy, taking a deep breath in and out as you wiped your cheeks. A few stray tears littered the skin. As you came back to, you realized Elsie’s delicate hand on your thigh, giving intermittent squeezes in time with your breathing. You imagined she’d been doing it the entire time you’d sulked. You looked up and to your left, leveling your sister with a look.

She was, surprisingly, patiently waiting. Wasn’t pushing you to say anything. Her own eyes were shining with emotion at your internal battle that you knew she knew all too well.  

Rather than saying anything to continue your conversation, though, you eyed the time on the stereo. And, upon checking it, you realized how you’d wasted your morning. It was gone and afternoon was here and you had to work soon. Fuck it all.

With a defeated sigh and slouch against your seat, you grumbled at your sister with a sideways glance. “I have to be at work in an hour and a half. And I still want to get nails done. Can we just get breakfast at Starbucks or something?”

Without a word, Elsie gave your leg one final grip before she flipped back to the front and put the car in drive. “Absolutely, babe.”

“I’m sorry,” you moaned. “I’m ruining our day together.”

“Get out of your damn head and don’t say sorry. You haven’t ruined anything,” she quipped, coming to her first stoplight before reaching over to hold your hand. With a lone tear in your eye, you looked over to listen as she continued. “We will get Starbs, get our nails done, I’ll take you to work. . . and then, tonight, we can go get something to eat and rot on the couch while we watch a Christmas movie.”

The plan sounded wonderful, actually, so you said as much and thanked her for loving you. She’d waved you off, but you did have a thought that made your heart feel a little fuller as she turned into Starbucks. So, you voiced the thought with a request. “Can Josh join tonight?”

“Do you want him to?”

“Yes please,” you answered with a barely there smile, pulling yourself up from your slumped position the best you could with the added weight at your waist. The task proved a little more difficult than you would have liked, but Elsie was distracted as she was already calling  Josh to ask him. 

You glumly realized as they spoke that if Jake were here, he would have helped you into a sitting position. He would have made sure you were comfortable before doing anything else. He would have then placed his hand over your own, which still laid contentedly on your bump. 

And. . . the tears were tempting your tear ducts once more as Elsie hung up with Josh and moved forward the slightest bit in the long ass line.

You tried your best to conceal your sniffles, but she’d caught onto one and reached to hold your hand once more. At her touch, your skin felt a little warmer and you held tight to her sure hand. Your other palm never left your baby, not letting up on that feeling for a second, either. 

“Josh said you pick where we eat and you pick the movie and that none of us are a fan of Jake being gone so close to the holidays.”

“I never said–.”

“Babe, you don’t have to say it,” Elsie snickered, pulling up behind the car that was ordering at the speaker. “What do you want?”

You were about to answer by telling her to get your usual, but you knew you probably shouldn’t be drinking that much caffeine, so you settled on yet another hot chocolate. You’d never been the biggest fan of hot cocoa. At least, not so much to drink it multiple times in a week like you had this week. But, apparently the baby liked it, as you were suddenly craving it like no other as you eyeballed it on the menu. 

When you told her what you wanted, she raised a brow. She was thinking the same exact thing as you – knew that you only drank the beverage on special occasions, never one to seek it out.

“The baby must like it,” you responded, a shaky smile coming to rest on your lips. 

Even if your eyes were still watering, the thought of Lavender someday asking for hot chocolate at a Starbucks drive thru made your heart happy. 

You cleared your throat and shook your head, starting to feel a lot better already. “I think it’s like the third time I’ve had it this week or something.”

Elsie raised a brow at you as she pulled up to the speaker and gave her order. You gazed out the windshield, watching in awe as the hoards of cars pulled out onto the busy streets. A lot of people were late to Christmas shopping, it seemed. . . 

“So, are you thinking you’re going to end up fucking him again?”

Even though the words were a stark contrast to your thoughts, they didn’t make you jolt a bit. Now that it was out in the open, you were glad to discuss it with her. You’d kind of been waiting to talk to her about it. The thought hadn’t stopped lurking in the back of your mind since last night. It persisted in a way that it felt natural for her to ask, coinciding with your revolving door of Jake-centered thoughts. 

“I don’t know,” you breathed in deeply through your nose, letting it out slowly through your mouth. Your eyes caught sight of a little girl across the way. She couldn’t have been more than three, with long brown hair and a sweet face. Her round little baby face, bright with a grin. In spite of yourself, you grinned at the sight as she walked with her mother. “I hope I get to have that with him again. Just one more time, at the very least. But. . . I know I shouldn’t hope so.”

“Why?” 

“He–.”

“And don’t say it’s because he’s taken,” she cut you off, pointing a finger towards you, inching up in line bit by bit. 

“But that’s the harsh truth, Els.”

“Well, it’s not the only ‘harsh truth’,” she clarified, making you raise a brow. “The other truth is that you are entitled to want the man. I mean, considering you are providing a bodily home for his baby everyday. . . Come on,” she shook her head as if to imply that her point was obvious. 

“Also, his cunt of a girlfriend needs to grow the fuck up. Needs to get it through her damn head that she needs to take a step back. And the next time she says any shit about my niece. . .,” She moved forward in line, huffing a quick breath from her mouth, as if working to relax any oncoming anger. “She doesn’t want to try. Not in front of me, at least. Because, not only is she insulting Lav, she’s insulting you and you are doing something she should fucking respect.”

At her words, you shook your head. . . you agreed — to an extent. But. . . she definitely had the right to not want you to fu—.

“And, what Josh told me. . . He said you and Jake, during that game – when you did each other in front of our friends, that bitch, and the entirety of Brooklyn, New York,” she began. You snorted at her with a roll of your eyes as she kept on. “He said she looked about ready to snap. So, surely that’s why she bit your head off, right? Said that ugly shit the baby?” 

“I’m sure.”

“Did Jake hear her? Josh didn’t tell me.”

“No.”

“Are you going to tell Jake? That she said that?”

“No.”

“And why not?” She asked, sort of accusing and critically. “It’s his prerogative to know that she’s talking like that about his baby.”

“I just don’t think it’s the time to bring it up. . . It wasn’t something so alarming that I feel the need to tell him, either,” you explained, feeling as though you were making excuses for Maya’s actions. Why did you care to defend Maya, of all people? Because you felt guilty? Probably. Goddamn. Your emotions were so back and forth. “She’ll slip up again, surely.”

“So now we just wait?”

“Yep,” you shrugged, not knowing what else to tell her. “I guess.”

“And, even if it meant you’d get to fuck him tomorrow if you told him today, you still wouldn’t?”

“I just don’t think it’s my place, Els,” you reluctantly answered, knowing she had a point. But, still. You had to err on the side of what was right. And it felt right to keep your mouth shut. Didn’t want to tell him she’d been hateful just so you could get him in bed (even though you knew it would be for more than that). “If he’s meant to hear something, he will.”

“You are a better woman than me, sis,” she replied, pulling up to the window with a cheerful greeting before paying and intercepting the drinks with a ‘thank you!’. 

As she pulled out a touch too quickly, you lurched forward in your seat, almost spilling your drink. “Okay, could we maybe take things a little slower, Elsie?”

“Don’t wanna spill on Jake’s sweatshirt?”

“Fuck off. How do you know it’s—?”

“It says Frankenmuth on the front, dumbass. Josh doesn’t own shit like that and I don’t know why Sammy or Danny’s clothes would be at your place.” 

You glared at her, at which she flicked her eyes over to you. When she looked, you said your piece. “Thank you so much for calling me a dumbass.”

“That’s all you heard from that?” 

“Yes. Your stupid ass correcting tone pissed me off, so I stopped listening after that.”

She blew out a breath as she made all of the correct turns to get to your favorite nail salon. “You really need to get some because you’re in desperate need of an attitude adjustment.”

“All because I told you to drive carefully and don’t like being called a dumbass?”

“Well, I just think you should let yourself have him.”

You groaned, exasperated that she was using anything to bring it up. 

Your warm drink was held in between your cupped hands, making you delightfully shiver for more reasons than one. You nestled the cup in your lap, letting the heat radiate all the way up your arms. “It’s not that simple.”

“Well, I happen to think it is,” she encouraged, pulling into the parking lot of the salon. “And you’ve always respected my advice, so. . . consider just giving in to what you want.”

Not able to believe you were yet again giving the idea any sort of weight, you unbuckled your seatbelt as Elsie did hers as well. “Even if people could get hurt?”

“Who the hell is going to get hurt besides Maya, the Massive Cunt?”

“Um,” you wrinkled your brow with a tilt of your head before bringing your drink up to your lips for a tiny sip. “Maybe Jake? Who didn’t ask for any of this and just got it thrown on him? After he went to her? After he chose her over me because I was the bitch who broke his heart? He could ultimately miss out on true happiness because of me giving in to a selfish need — yet again.”

“I’m going to ignore most of that because you know it’s bullshit and that he wants you, too,” Elsie argued, finally taking a drink of her White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha. She hummed in satisfaction at the taste, her eyes closing momentarily. “If you give Jake your coochie-pop, do you really think he’s going to be hurt?”

“Coochie-pop?”

“Your wishing well, honey pot, poontang, dripping delta, whisker box–.”

You couldn’t help but squawk, the hilarious names for a vagina killing you. “Whisker box?!” 

“. . .Because it’s your pussy?. . .” She asked, as if you were completely unaware of what she was implying. “Get it?”

“No, I know exactly what you meant,” you corrected her train of thought, shaking your head before combing a hand through your hair. Blowing out another breath, you couldn’t help the giggle that followed it. 

“Well. Whatever you want to call it, you know I’m right,” she concluded, giving you a satisfied grin before opening her door. “Now, let’s go get our nails done and we can compare how each twin refers to our pus–.”

“Nope!” You answered enthusiastically, awkwardly angling yourself to grab your coat from the backseat. Out of breath at the simple task, you knew you’d still obtained it the best you could with the obtrusion of a belly. And while you loved the baby, — so much — it was still frustrating getting used to the extra addition at your front. In a rush, you put it on before getting out. 

She was already at the shop door when you closed the passenger side, waiting for you. When you met her there, you finished your thought. “That conversation, my dearest sister, is not one I’d like to partake in.”

“Seriously?” 

Your eyes bulged out of your sockets at her, your hands tucking deep into your pockets to warm up from the crisp chill of the wind as it bitterly whipped against your face. Reaching a bit further in your pockets, you tried to grasp for Elsie’s missing sanity. “Yes, Elsie! Seriously!”

“I just want you to know,” she began, walking into the warm shop after you. Both of you shook off the chill from the winter day once you were safe inside. “That whenever you finally give in and do the dirty with him again, I will be selfless and listen to you if you wish to discuss it with anyone.”

You shushed her, looking around at the other occupants of the salon. They were oblivious to her, thankfully, as the shop played Christmas classics to drown out obnoxious people like your sister. 

“Whatever, Elsie. You’re just nosy as hell,” you rolled your eyes with a grin before turning your attention to the cute little lady at the front counter, who you knew to own the studio. 

The tiny woman with inky black locks, tied in a clip at the back of her head, nodded with a smile as she wrote you into the schedule for your nail requests. She told you it would be about ten minutes to get you with a tech, so you decided to take one of the chairs that sat in a row against the windows at the front of the store. Your feet were not in the mood for you to be standing any longer than necessary – especially since you still had to work today.

Elsie grabbed some colors for the two of you to look at on her way to sit beside you. She handed you a Christmas color swatch that you instantly began perusing as she looked through the other palette of winter colors. “Sparkly?” She questioned from your left. 

You pursed your lips in contemplation as you studied the non-sparkly DND colors in your hands. The plainness of the dark Aurora Green and Cherry Mocha appealed to you more than the colors she held, as you glanced over to give the sparkly polishes a chance.

“I think I wanna go with no sparkles,” you decided, bringing your swatch up to show her before pointing to the Aurora Green. “I’m really leaning towards this dark green.”

“Ooh, I love,” she encouraged, leaning over you to toss her colors in the basket next to you. “What’s the number?”

“747,” you recited as she typed it into her phone, before crossing her legs and tucking the device back into the crease she’d made between her thighs. Copying her previous action, you deposited your nail colors into the wicker basket. 

You tucked your hands under your belly and leaned back against the window. All of the women around you, either chatting it up or engrossed in their phones. The sight made a thought come to you. Looking over at your sister, the back of your head still balanced against the cool window, you voiced your realization to gauge her opinion. “Els—I just thought. . . I haven’t posted a picture on any of my socials of my belly or said a damn thing anywhere about being pregnant.”

“Well, do you want to?” She wondered aloud, chewing the inside of her lip (something you both did). 

“You know, now that I’ve thought about it, I feel like I’m not going to stop thinking about it until I do it,” you responded, leaning up from your position to get your phone out of your belt bag that was still slung across your chest. When you saw zero notifications, you remembered your Do Not Disturb idea and quickly checked your call log to see if you’d missed anyone important. 

No one. Wow. You were so damn popular. You left that app to go to Pinterest to look at some pose ideas. And, hard as it was, you avoided going to your texts. Because, you figured if it was important enough, you’d have gotten a call from anyone who might’ve texted you. 

You simply did not want to face the reality of Jake adhering to your ridiculous request. 

When you looked over at Elsie from the corner of your eye, she was already looking at her own Pinterest app. And while you had simply typed ‘maternity announcement poses’, your scheming sister had typed ‘sexy boudoir maternity poses.’

“Elsie Mabel!” You reprimanded her with a laugh, bumping her shoulder with your own. “Why the sexy? And definitely no boudoir. Are you kidding?”

“What?!” She said, giving you a wink. At which, you just shook your head and mouthed a final ‘no’. Growling, you watched as she deleted the ‘boudoir’, but noticed how she kept the ‘sexy’. “And — before you get onto me for keeping the sexy, I will let you know: you get better results if you throw in a word like that.”

You really weren’t so offended by that idea. The boudoir was just too much. Honestly, playing around with some sexy pictures, with the bonus of Elsie’s time and help. . . It might even aid in boosting your mood. And, you had to say. . . your body confidence was definitely better since last night, you could say that much. 

Jake had done a wondrous job at making you feel very appealing and truly attractive. Fuck, you wished you could go back in time and change the night’s turn of events. Ridiculous ass luck.

Squeezing your legs tighter together, you did as she said and typed the same into your search bar. You even tacked on ‘black and white’ because you liked the idea of that, too. . . 

And damn were you happy with the results. 

“Oookay, Els. . . You might be onto something,” you said appreciatively, nudging her shoulder once more as you found one to show her. 

Right off the bat, there was one pose in particular you knew you had to use. When you pointed to it to show her, she stuck her bottom lip out to show respect for the idea. “His shirt, too?” She asked with a sly brow. 

All you did was wink at her before pinning the scandalous picture to your brand new board.  

a/n: i love you all an inexplicable amount. you have no idea. covet is my baby + i think it's time i thank you all, once again, for loving her w me :') i wouldn't be where i am today without your support, my loves :''')

also..... after being asked several times, i gave in to the temptation... i finally took some time today to update the Covet Visualizer i made when covet was just an infant :') lol. you may view it if you'd like. however, you don't NEED TO. i simply am a very visual person, sooo i made it for my fellow visual learners/lovers. (IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO USE IT, PLEASE VIEW IT IN PRINT LAYOUT!! — esp if you’re using the docs app/are on your phone!!)

Taglist (continued in reblog):

@joshym, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlover, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend

@aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @sacredtheslay, @alienobsever, @hollyco, @age0fwagner, @raceb14, @stardustcatcher, @styles-canvas, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf

@torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98, @mackalah, @lek-gvf, @carlyfleet, @profitofthedune, @mefiorini, @welllauragvf, @highway-tuna, @dont-go-home-without-me, @sarah-gvf01, @polemicandcontent, @ageofbajabule, @texas-bbq-pringles, @jennyraye20

I always try to tag everyone, but you all know how it goes! ughhh (taglist will be cont. in reblog !!) Please make sure you’re filling out my Google Form if you would like to be tagged and aren’t already on the taglist! <3

[sandsoftide]

Haven’t seen enough people talking about why timebomb and specifically ekko also suffered from arcane s2 being bad. Spoilers and crit

I’ll say more in depth later when I have gone back and revisited it with a clearer head and let me make it entirely clear I LIKE timebomb in concept. Much like caitvi. Like I see the vision I just don’t like a lot of the creative choices

Ekko in s1 was a REVOLUTIONARY he built the firelights w his own two hands and was sort of a foil to jinx and silco, he hated them but he wasn’t going to roll over to piltover either. He wanted independence but not through exploitation. He was a leader and a caretaker and mature beyond his years bc he was forced to be. And he hates Jinx bc she reminds him of that trauma and he’s betrayed by what she became like there’s SO much there look at it

In s2 he goes “hm my tree is being weird” and then gets sucked into the timey wimey thing and disappears for a whole act and the firelights aren’t even MENTIONED (and ik he wasn’t a major character in s1 either but like, he was still important and relevant to the plot throughout bc of the firelights?)

Then he gets sucked into this au portal (cool concept and cool execution) and falls in love with powder or whatever. And she ISNT JINX. SHE IS NOT THE JINX WE KNOW BC JINX IN MAIN TIMELINE IS FULLY BUILT FROM HER EXPERIENCES AND TRAUMA AND MENTAL ILLNESS. Like what Jayce said to viktor that’s part of her whether it hurts her or not. Her trauma doesn’t define her but it’s a part of her! And then all of a sudden Ekko’s sad bc he misses jinx (who iirc last time he met they had the whole I hate you and I miss you talk and they fought and both thought the other dead or whatever?) and then he’s talking her off the ledge even though he has absolutely no reason to! Because he DOESNT KNOW HER he knows literally nothing she’s done since s1 finale!!! Even the “jinx as a symbol for revolution” stuff from act 1 that went nowhere he would know NOTHING ABOUT bc he basically immediately went to Jayce? And they never did the revolutionary jinx stuff that was implied w the flag waving either so there’s no connection there either

Like a full episode was spent developing timebomb and it was interesting but also contributed nothing bc that is not jinx. She just feels like a mpdg and he doesn’t feel like ekko bc he needs to be in love w her for the plot? So they do absolutely nothing interesting they could for timebomb and still make it the entirety of ekko’s plot while tossing out the firelights and the zaun v. Piltover plotline as a whole

i mean again its hard to say bc this is right. objectively. like the stuff w timebomb was objectively well written. i just feel like it doesnt give ekko the space to be his own character outside of the ship? my point isnt that the stuff was poorly written i actually enjoyed it a lot and i think they did a good job w it i just also feel like it does ekko a disservice to have that be his only plotline and how it doesnt feel like it connects to his character in s1

i feel similarly about other plots in s2, like mel's. like yes this is good stuff! i love seeing mel in the spotlight the black rose magic stuff is interesting in a vacuum but also its totally separate from the interesting thematic roles in s1 that dealt with AGAIN THE CLASS CONFLICT AND POLITICS and dropping that for something different feels. like its a disservice to the characters, i guess?

also by having the timebomb development take place primarily in an au with powder and NOT jinx we dont really get to see jinx's thoughts at all. it feels like a repeat of s1 where someone is trying to save POWDER and not jinx, they dont see her as who she is now but rather who she was or could have been. which couldve been interesting to explore but they clearly werent interested in that ANYWAYS

[tokkiwrites]

in which kraven gets very jealous and needs to remind y/n that she's his. this is a continuation to another one-shot i wrote (check pinned 📌)

tags: keaven x fem!reader, afab!reader, use of y/n because yes, dom!kraven, kind of dark kraven of you squint, sub!reader, degradation, deah (mentioned like twice), pet names (kraven calls reader doll, bun, bunny, pet), kraven likes to be called master (ik right?!?!?), p in v sex unprotected (don't be whimpy, wrap that pp), lmk if i missed anything !!!

it was O8:O4 PM, where was she? she'd been such a good obedient pet up until now. Is this the moment she wanted to slip? as those thoughts fill kraven's mind, the sound of keys jangling at the door snaps him awake.

she's here.

y/n timidly pushed open the door to her cozy apartment. A faint blush graced her cheeks as she entered, her sparkling eyes revealing a hint of embarrassment.

she knows she's late.

Carrying her books and course materials, y/n's steps were light, almost as if she tiptoed through the space. Her frame was adorned in a pastel sundress that swayed with every movement. A subtle floral fragrance trailed behind her, making kraven visibility hard.

As she walked further into the apartment, she set her books down onto the couch before stopping in front of kraven, who was sat in the doorway to her room.

" 'm sorry for being late. "

"care to explain why you're late, bunny?"

" had to stay a bit more at uniㅡ teacher said he needed my help with something."

he...

HE?!

"what did he need that was so important, bunny, hm?" kraven stepped closer to y/n, dragging his calloused finger over her rosy cheek.

moonlight filtered through the sheer curtains, casting a cold glow on them. It was evident that kraven wasn't going to let her off with just a warning, no matter what the motive for her being late is.

With a sigh that ragged through her throat, y/n looked up at kraven through her lashes, hoping he'd at least be a bit more endearing this time.

"answer me, doll. y'know i hate when you make me ask twice, yeah?" y/n swallows thick, nodding her head in response. "heㅡ um, he wanted me to ask where i got my p-perfume fromㅡ he wants to get it for his, uh.. girlfriend..."

kraven's gaze sharpened, turning into a piercing stare that seemed to bore into her soul. His jaw clenched. "that so?"

his silent but intense gaze spoke volumes, conveying the deep displeasure with the situation. "p-please don't do anythingㅡ he was only being nice-"

But her words were abruptly silenced by her boyfriend's stern command, "quiet."

A shiver ran down y/n's spine as she felt a mix of fear and anticipation. She knew she should run, remove herself from the brewing storm, but something inside her hesitated. Maybe it was the adrenaline coursing through her veins or the thrill of the forbidden, but she found herself rooted to the spot.

Her heart raced, and a warm, tingling sensation spread through her belly. It was a confusing mix of emotions - fear, desire, and a hint of excitement. She wanted to reach out to him, to ease his worries, but the intensity of his gaze had her frozen in place.

In that charged moment, the air between them crackled with unspoken tension, and she couldn't deny the want of the storm that threatened to consume them bothㅡ her even more.

As the tension hung heavily in the room, kraven took a slow, deliberate step towards her, his eyes still locked onto hers. His earlier anger seemed to have evolved into a complex whirlwind of emotions, making his intentions unclear.

y/n's heart pounded louder in her chest, her breaths shallow as she watched him approach. She couldn't decipher what he was thinking, but a part of her yearned for his touch, even in this moment of uncertainty.

His other hand, which had been clenched tightly at his side, slowly reached out, hesitatingly brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "beg."

"s-sorry��?" she stammered, her voice trembling. "i said beg. beg if you don't want me to take you to his house, fuck you in front of him then rip apart his body right after."

"k-kraven Iㅡ"

"so you want that."

"god, no! 'course i don't i justㅡ he was just being friendly, you know..." she whispered, her voice quivering. "you know I'm only yours."

kraven's face contorted with a mixture of anger and jealously, eyes glinting gold. y/n's words hung in the air. His grip on her hair tightened slightly, causing a sharp pain that made her wince.

"think that's enough, bunny?" he hissed. " think you can just say those words and everything will be fine? you are mine and that's why I won't tolerate anyone else trying to take you away from me."

kraven's words were laced with possessiveness, and y/n could see the turmoil within him. she struggled to find the right words to soothe his anger, but at the same time she wanted to let her mind go blank. in this moment ㅡ his idea sounded kind of good.

for a long, tense moment, kraven didn't speak. The room felt suffocating.

"on your knees."

"whㅡ" taken by surprize, she's pushes down, making a loud thud as she hit the cold floor.

"c'mon, bunny...you know what i want." he smiles darkly, hand still tangled in y/n's hair. "make that pretty head of yours think and tell me what i want to hear, yeah?"

kraven's smile sent a shiver down her spine. she knew what he wanted from her. Her mind raced, struggling to find the wordsㅡ her heard pounding in her chest, the loud thumps echoing in her head, nothing was accepting to leave her lips, it was all getting stuck.

"c'mon, doll. don't make me wait." he growls menacingly.

"p-pleaseㅡ" she whispered, her voice barely audible. "please, i know I've been bad. and iㅡ i need to be punished for what i did, i shouldn't have worn that perfume to his class."

"yeah.." he hums reaching for her chin and making y/n loon up "but you were a little whore who wanted to get attention, yeah?"

"y-yes.."

"guess i should fuck you like the little whore you are, huh?"

the room seemed to close in on her, the tension and lust between them so palpable. "gotta hear you beg more, though. gotta hear you cry before i fuck you stupid."

fear gripped her heart, the intensity of his demands and his dark demeanor filled her with a deep sense of the situation. Simultaneously, desire smoldered within her. His possessiveness, his filthy wordsㅡ the raw power he exuded ignited something in her she couldn't explain. the intensity of his words, though tinged with danger, had a mesmerizing effect on her.

towering above her, in the night's veil, kraven was shrouded in darkness, his presence like a labyrinth and his power over y/n like an unsolved puzzleㅡ an unspoken rule.

she should be more scared of him, yet she sits there and takes it, each of his commands, she obeys and does as she's told. his strength was evident in every moveㅡ he didn't need to say a word. he's a silent tempest that leaves an indelible mark.

y/n leans in forward, palms flush to the floor "please show meㅡ show me how to be good, please... i don't wanna think, jus' want to be you dumb bunnyㅡ"

"you're so pathetic, doll. even from the first day i saw you, i could smell it on you... could smell you were made for taking this cockㅡㅡ made for me to break and use."

y/n presses her thighs together, her panties now wet with her slick, sticking to the fold of her pussy. "k-kravenㅡ"

slap.

"wrong." he chuckles murkily "try it again, pet."

y/n sniffles, her cheeks stinging from the harsh slap delivered to it. "master."

"see, that wasn't so hard, huh? now...you gonna be a good girl and listen to me?"

"y-yes, master."

kraven hums, rubbing his finger onto the cheek he slapped, smiling contently as the skin flushed a bright red.

"get undressed and bend over the counter. now."

y/n swiftly compiles, scrambling to her feet and discarding the frilly dress she had on. her skin tightened as the cold air hit it. even so, she still removed her panties that had accumulated a big wet splotch in the middle of them.

obliging kraven's orders, she bends over the counter, her bare ass and cunt on full display. "mm.." kraven licks his lips before palming the small of her back "so pretty for me, bunny."

she completely shattered under his touch, his fingertips drawing small fires that spread through her in clusters, a desperate whine escaping past her lips.

"master, pleaseㅡ" kraven strongly grabs her by the hair, pulling her in a way that makes y/n arch her back. he leans into her ear, his enormous bulge pressing firmly against y/n's ass.

"did i say you can talk yet? are you so dumb, bun?"

y/n shakes her head, mewling at the sensation of kraven's facial hair against her skin.

"wanted to fuck you stupid, but since you're such a dumb whore already ㅡ maybe if i fuck you hard enough ... I'll bring some sense in that pretty brain of yours, yeah?"

y/n bites back another moan, succumbing to kravens touch, his palms making their way up her torso and to her breasts, kneading them roughly.

pushing back her hips in gripe, she manages to gets her face unwaveringly pressed to the countertop "don't be greedy now, doll. gotta see you work for it..." with that he nimbly plunged two fingers into y/n's mouth, making her gasp.

"suck if you want this cock inside of you, pet."

that's all she needed to hear, fleetly wrapping her lips around his thick fingers, sucking and swirling her tongue around them like there was no tomorrow. drool started to drip down her chin, her moans vibrating vigorously onto kravens skin.

pushing the fingers deeper, he wins a muffled gag, her tongue pressed flush against them. "yeah, good fucking pet." her walls were twitching around nothing, her warm wetness spreading between her thighs that were parted by kraven's knee.

he retrieves his fingers from her mouth, y/n starting to pule at their sudden lack. kravens laughs, as if mocking her at the same time pulling his sweatpants down only a bit, letting his dripping cock spring free and slap against his abdomen.

"want me to prep you, doll?"

"n-no, masterㅡ please..."

"fuck, bunny, ill rip right through you." he smiles somberly "you're such a filthy, filthy girl."

inhaling a sharp breath, her muscles tense up as kraven plunges inside of her wetness all at once, with no warning. she writhes in pain, tears already welling at the corner of her glossy eyes.

"fuck, look at that tight pussy swallowing me all in." he groans, sinking his fingernails into the plush of her skin "c'mon, doll, show me you're sorry for being such an attention whore. show me you're sorry so i don't kill that bitch and fuck you over his dead body."

it was all so wrong, so dirty and vile, but it was making her tummy churn and blood pulse through her veins like nothing else. she felt so insane for liking the ideas kraven put into her head, she loved feeling insane as long as he was with her.

her head now filled with murky thoughts, vision hazy, y/n feels her body being plunged further into the kitchen surface, hips violently crashing agains the hard material. "you take this cock so well, bunnyㅡ fuck!"

his movements become so fast, it sends y/n practically into another dimensionㅡ at least that's how she feels. her eyes roll back, and for a second, she's pretty sure she can see into the future.

"gonna come, bunny? huh? you gonna come around my cock?"

"yes, m-aster!" her body feels warm and fuzzy as she senses her orgasm approaching. "p-leaseㅡ!"

"go ahead, doll." kraven grunts, hitting that spot perfectly. he feels himself close too, brows furrowed as he pushes inside deeper and harder. "shitㅡ bunny, I'm gonna fill you up so good. gonna make you keep this cum inside of you all day."

with a loud plead, y/n releases, her walls tightening around kravens shaft, causing him to growl. she starts shaking, her thighs uncontrollably wriggling, barely holding herself up if it wasn't for the counter.

kraven pumps himself a few more times, at last releasing and painting y/n's insides with warm, white ribbons. they're both left panting, y/n babbling incoherently.

"thank y-ou, kraven.."

"you liked it?" he asked, amused. "so that's why you keep on misbehaving, bun. "

⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾‎  토끼's NOTE : hi guys!!! this might have some grammar mistakes, oh WELL. its 2.1k words so kind of short SORRAYYY, wrote this for a special someone u know who u are wink wink ;) but thank you all for supporting me, i know im at the beginning of my journey, but I've already grown so much. hope you enjoyed day 7 of tokki's kinktober <3 (now proofread !!)

[ghulehunknown]

Mountain x AFAB Reader

NSFW — MDNI

Summary: You and Mountain take a break from your duties to have a little fun in his room.

CW/Tags: sex toy use, tail fucking, masturbation, unprotected sex (P in V and anal), double penetration

Word Count: 2.4K

“You bought how many toys, Mounty?”

“Um, just a few.”

“It looks like a lot.”

“Yes, well - Santa came early.” You stared blankly at him as he shrugged. “I didn’t know what to get so I just got the ones that I dunno, looked the best and had good reviews?”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Well I guess you get to choose which one you want.”

“Ah, okay. Well this one here also goes up my ass. Which might be kinda nice. Um okay, these two vibrate, but one has a remote…” He flicked his eyes up to yours. “Uhh. And one of those extends down to my taint, I think? Oh, that’s the one Copia suggested. But it should feel nice for you too, you know, if we - yeah. This one is just a silicone dildo. Oh, and this one goes over my balls.”

“The vibrating ones sound nice,” you said, nodding.

“I can’t choose. What if I just…I dunno, use them all?”

“All of them?” you asked incredulously. “Think you can handle that?”

“I guess it’s time for me to be a ho ho ho,” he remarked with a small smile. You couldn’t help but laugh at his silly joke. He never failed to put a smile on your face. You supposed that was why he was your favorite.

~

You looked back on the events from the days prior that led you into his bedroom for this very exchange. You were making Secret Satan cards for the children’s hospital in the library, making out with each other in between cards, desperately trying not to make any noise while the other Siblings were working or studying - and failing, miserably. He caressed your body with his tail, completely taking you by surprise.

You had made a one-off comment, without even thinking. “Damn, you fuck with that thing too?”

“Yeah actually I do,” he replied, his face stoic but eyes twinkling.

“Hm, I’d like to see that,” you said - again, what were you thinking? This was insane. Plus, he was one of Cardinal Copia’s head ghouls…you really couldn’t afford to distract him. But the holidays were here, which meant the band was getting a lengthy and much needed break. So maybe this was your chance at giving into your desires.

You finished up the cards, stacking them neatly in a pile. You were supposed to be helping the Siblings decorate and Mountain was supposed to meet the other ghouls in the mess hall before Mass. But…you had more important matters to attend to. You had agreed, since this would be your first time with a ghoul and adding a tail in the mix, that he should try a new experience too.

You walked together down the hallway towards the Ghoul dormitories, arms linked as you people watched. There were multiple Siblings hanging up garlands and lights along the corridors and you even spotted Papa Terzo terrorizing some young Sisters of Sin.

“Jingle Balls, suck my balls, make my chimney rise. Oh what fun it is to cum on my amore’s thighs,” he sang, draping tinsel around one’s neck and dangling some mistletoe in another’s face.

“…and I heard Satan’s hells bells on the rooftop, I swear it, I did!” you heard Nihil say to Imperator who merely said “Of course, Papa,” as she led him down the hall towards the chapel.

Finally, you made your way past the hustle and bustle of the busy Ministry hallways to the Ghoul dorms. As one of the top Clergy member’s head ghouls, Mountain actually had his own room. But he shared a wall with Swiss and Dew on either side, who would tease him relentlessly if they heard any goings on in the night.

So you opted for the middle of the evening, when everyone was likely to be at Mass. And here you were, your very first dick appointment with a ghoul.

You both kneeled in front of each other in his bed, and leaned into kiss one another, his arms holding onto yours and his tail wrapping around your thigh.

Fuck, maybe being with a ghoul would be better…it was almost like being held by three hands.

The tail was surprisingly soft, not sharp at the end even though the arrowhead tip looked pointy. It approached you just as softly as Mountain wanted, and you knew he could be just as rough as he wanted to be too.

You ran your hands through his hair, his short dark locks tickling your fingertips. His kiss was passionate, deep. His lips were soft and inviting.

He gingerly moved his tail up your legs, in between them, and slowly slipped the tip between your labia. You inhaled sharply as the fleshy bit met your sensitive bud, pressing on it almost like a button.

“Fuck!” you exclaimed.

He paused, pulling his tail sway slightly. “You okay?” he said, holding your face in his hands.

“Yeah, I - yeah, no - god, it’s just so…fuck, it feels amazing. Please, do it again.”

“My pleasure.” He re-entered, maneuvering around your folds and finding your slick pooled near your entrance. He poked around, gathering your arousal and sliding it around, back up to your clit and focusing there. “You’re so wet already. Good girl,” he purred. His cock twitched against your leg, bobbing up and down as he slowly grinded against you.

“Should we put a cock ring on you?” you whispered breathlessly, smiling as you nodded towards the bedside table.

Carefully, you helped him put the vibrating ring on. He spread lube on it and his whole member while you warmed some up in your hands and spread it along his perineum.

“Mmm,” he moaned quietly at your touch, closing his eyes.

You clicked the toy to its lowest vibration setting.

“Oh, god! Shit, they weren’t kidding! Ahhh. This is, oh fuck, wow!” His hand flew to his cock, which was bobbing up and down involuntarily.

“And that’s just the first setting. I’m guessing the other toys are a no-go?” you asked, hovering over him still, straddling his thigh.

He let out a sound that didn’t sound too convincing. “Yeeeeah…? Um, this is fine. Actually -” He clicked the vibrator off and handed you the remote for it. “When it looks like I need it.”

“I’ll tease you with it,” you said, trailing your hand along his balls and up his shaft.

“You better not,” he said, biting at your nose and missing as you pulled your head back in time. “All right. First time getting tail fucked. Ready?”

You rolled your eyes and pretended to punch him in the chest. “Yes, I’m ready.” How much different could it be, really? “I’m more concerned for you. You’ve never used a cock ring before, let alone a vibe,” you said, widening your eyes.

“We’ll be okay,” he said. Something in the soothing way he spoke, ugh you could just melt into him.

He leaned back against the headboard, his arm bent behind his head to prop himself up. “Ahhh,” he uttered, hissing, guiding his hand over yours stroking his cock. “Sssoo good.”

He looked you in the eyes as he touched himself, bringing his tail in between your legs again, pushing past your folds this time and going straight for your wet core.

You leaned back, propping yourself up with your hands behind you, moaning as he entered you, tossing your head back as your neck went slack. You straddled his waist, almost like you were scissoring.

You watched his tail slide in and out of you repeatedly, moving in a wave-like pattern with a dexterity that a finger or a cock couldn’t provide.

Your body relaxed and you slid onto your back, staring at the ceiling. Finally, the tip of his tail found your g-spot, and as you shuddered against his legs and let out a guttural sound you didn’t even know you could make, he made an “ah-ha!” sound and you could feel him add more pressure to your spot. All the muscles in his tail flexed, going tap tap tap along your walls. You clenched around him.

“Fuck, you’re so responsive,” he said, letting out an amused chuckle. “You’re fun.”

You shook yourself out of a trance-like state, almost entirely forgetting he was there. You forgot he was watching you like you were his own little porno, touching himself to the vision of you before him.

You leaned against his leg, resting your head by his knee. You lazily tickled along his thighs, in between his legs, caressing him, and looking into his eyes as you kissed his inner thigh. You shifted more on your back, arching it, resting one leg on his shoulder so his tail could go deeper inside you. He held onto your ankle by his shoulder, kissing it.

His tail flicked in and out of you, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. He slipped out of you and up to your clit, massaging it with the tip.

“Oh fuck!” you exclaimed. He tapped it against you in rapid succession - taptaptaptaptaptap - fucking hell! It had to be the musician in him, the quick and agile reflexes. He rubbed the upper part of his tail against your length, before flicking the arrowhead against your clit repeatedly. “Mounty, I’m going to cum! Fuck!!”

He held onto your leg, caressing it, while stroking himself with his other hand. He picked one motion and stuck with it - a firm, but gentle massage on your clit with his tailtip.

Your whole body quivered, your orgasm spilling over. You moaned and clutched onto his leg, biting into his skin to muffle the utterly pathetic moans you know would be coming out of your mouth.

“Ow, shit!” he exclaimed but you could barely hear him.

You bucked your hips against his tail to ride out the last smaller waves of your climax, before settling down again. He retracted his tail from between your legs, and you were left staring at the ceiling for a moment before hearing your name being called over and over again.

“Mmm?” you muttered. “Oh, sorry for biting you.”

He laughed. “It’s okay. I’m just glad you were enjoying yourself.”

You nodded feebly, feeling a little pathetic, but utterly blissed out.

“Think you have one more round in you?”

“Mmm,” you mumbled, not even giving an answer.

He patted the mattress beside him. “C’mere.” He pulled you back up to your knees, which were trembling, between his legs. He held your chin in his hand and whispered, “You wanna know what it’s really like to get fucked?” You nodded in his palm. “Good girl.”

You straddled his waist, hovering over his still erect cock.

“Did you want to use protection?” he asked, leaning over to his drawer to reach inside for some condoms. You shook your head. “You sure?”

You nodded and said, “Yes. Please Mountain, please just fuck me.”

He handed you the ring vibrator remote, but spoke before fully relinquishing it to you. “You hold great power in your hands. Use it well.”

Fucking nerd. You laughed at his corny ass joke and nodded, saying, “Yes sir,” in a fake serious voice.

He leaned over for the lube bottle and spread some all over his hands, covering his tail with it then circling your asshole, getting it nice and wet. You draped your arms over his shoulders as he took your waist in his hands, guiding you over his cock, lining it up with your entrance, then sinking you down onto his lap.

Fuck, he felt so good. It was incredible. And very different from the tail. His cock was firmer, building a different kind of pressure but every bit as pleasurable. You both moaned as you sank slowly on him. You moved your hips up and down, already so tired from before, and starting to falter.

His tail wrapped around your ass before teasing and prodding around it, finally slipping in. The feeling, while out of this world, was incredibly overwhelming. You fell down on his cock with zero grace, shuddering and breathing loudly, moaning every few breaths.

“Mmm!” he groaned, grimacing. He said your name through gritted teeth.

“Oh fuck I’m sorry,” you said.

“It’s okay, it takes a lot more than your beautiful ass to hurt me,” he said with a smile, kissing your lips sweetly while giving your rear a smack. “Mm? Everything okay?”

“I can’t, Mounty, I’m sorry. I can’t do it.”

With zero hesitation, he removed his tail from your rear end and started to pull himself out of your entrance.

“No, no, fuck, please that feels so good. I just can’t, my legs are fucking jello. I need you to fuck me.”

“I can do that,” he said warmly. He picked you up, his strong hands grasping your waist as he slammed you up and down on his cock. He pummeled into you from below. “Just relax, I got this.”

“Ahhh, fuck!” you wailed, his tail entering your ass once more, this time without teasing the invitation but instead thrusting in with more force. You let your body slack against his, letting him do all the work.

“Remember your very important job?” he said, eyeing the remote that fell out of your hand.

You nodded, tears in your eyes from the intense sensations ripping through your body. You clicked the button, feeling the buzz of the ring on his cock rub against your clit everytime you fell back down on him. You bared down, grinding against the ring and rubbing yourself along his pubic bone. You clicked the next button, heightening the sensation for you both.

“Oh god - I’m not gonna last,” he grunted. “I’m going to cum. Is it okay if I finish inside you?”

You nodded. “Yes,” you said breathlessly.

“You sure? Last chance before I blow.”

“Stop being so polite and just fucking cum inside me!” you shouted.

“Christ, okay!” He groaned as he continued to fuck into you, jerking his hips forward as he shot warm semen inside you, spilling out. He stopped, still holding onto you, burying his face in your chest, breathing heavily. You sat on his cock, the buzz of the cock ring now sitting against your clit. From that and his tail still prodding away at your ass, you came again just a few seconds after him.

“See,” you began, breathing hard and climbing up to him. “When you asked if I wanted to know what it’s really like to get fucked, I swear I thought you were going to use your drumsticks.”

“The thought crossed my mind. So how was it? Any different? Just as good…better?”

“Yeah…like a really wiggly dick,” you answered truthfully.

He laughed boisterously at you. “I always appreciate your candor.”

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ::: There are a couple of people who are wholly responsible for me going off the rails like this. Thank you … I think you know who you are. I’ve NEVER dabbled in anything like this. Daydreaming or writing. So this is all very new territory to me. Cut me some slack. I know very little about this dynamic. This might be the beginning of something, it might be the last time I ever write about anything like this. I don’t know. I will list the C/W as thoroughly as I can.

TW ::: Piss stuff and a sexual relationship between DD's/lg. If that bothers you, kindly back away slowly.

C/W ::: F!reader (adult, 30’s), DD’s(2)/lg, yes, 2 daddies, separate sleeping quarters for DD’s and lg, piss denial (is that a thing?), Daddy Ei = Daddy Eijiro, Sir = Katsuki, very very slight age play/age regression (like, very little), pet names, sweetheart, good girl, sweet girl, baby girl, sweets, angel, sweet little, sweet little girl, oral F!->M & swallowing, slight exchange of precum from kiss, unprotected P->V, more F!->M oral, hair pulling, cuddling/aftercare. I think that covers it all. If I missed anything that you think is important, let’s talk. I’ll see what I can do. 

WC ::: Just under 2500.

You woke up in your bed across the hall from your daddy's room. It was curious how you ended up there because you distinctly remember falling asleep in their bed, between the 2 huge men. The sky cast a gray gloom throughout the space. But that didn't dull the cute and bright decorations they had put up all around on the walls for you.

There were no noises coming from anywhere else in the house. Did they know you were awake? Were they awake? "Daddy Ei? Sir? I have to go potty. Can someone come get me please?" You used your words. Politely. Just like they had both drilled into your little brain so many times before. Sometimes gently, sometimes more rough. But you knew it all came from a place of love.

Eijiro disentangled himself from Katsuki's arms. "Our sweet girl is up. You want me to take care of her?" He whispered into Kats' ear after he kissed his cheek a couple of times to rouse him from his sleep. "Stay. You had a late night, I'll get up and get her." Eijiro tossed the blankets off of his warm, naked body and padded across the cold hardwood floor. Your room was across the hall from theirs. They liked it that way so they could easily hear you if you needed them for anything.

"Daddy Ei, Sir!? I - I gotta -" Eijiro peeked his head through the door and into your room. Your face lit up when you saw his wild red hair and the soft smile that graced his sweet face.

"I'm here, I'm here, sweet little girl. What do you need, now? Tell daddy what you need, baby." His half-hard cock bobbed side to side with each step he took toward you. He was tying his mane of hair back with a band. And his arms stretching up like that only accentuated the muscles of his arms and torso. You couldn't help but stare at him. A little string of drool that had been pooling in the corner of your mouth slipped past your freshly wetted lips.

"Daddy." You stood at the edge of your bed and raised up your arms to him. He bent over and wrapped his long limbs around your waist and hoisted you up so your legs wrapped around him. His cock was harder now than when he walked in and you could feel it brushing against your ass.

"Good morning, sweet little. Did you have good dreams last night? Where's my morning kiss, hm?" You wiggled in his arms, excited by the invitation to kiss him. "What's got you so excited this morning, huh? Were you lonely last night? Poor baby. Maybe tonight Sir will say it's ok for you to sleep in bed with us?" You nodded furiously at the prospect of getting to spend the night with both of them.

"Gotta pee, daddy. Pee with me?" Eijiro kissed your forehead and carried you through the hall to him and Kats' room. You slid down the front of his body to the floor. Your pussy brushed over his abdomen and it made you shiver with pleasure. "But ... gotta pee."

"You're so sensitive this morning, baby girl. D'ya think you can wait to go potty? Here. Down ya go, onto the bed." You stood there while he pulled your panties down. "Oohh, your panties are even wet. Do you need your daddies? Hm, right after you wake up you need your daddies to make you feel good? Come on, lay down. Be my good girl. Let’s see if we can’t all make each other feel good, yeah?” His voice was so soft against your ear. It made you melt right down where he laid you. 

Eijiro stood at the edge of the bed, presenting himself like it was Christmas morning. You wrapped your hands around it, bringing his cock to your mouth and you looked up at him while slowly sucking on the dark pink tip like it was your favorite pacifier. "That's my good girl. Fuck, that's right, baby. Suck that cock like you need the milk. Uh-huh, yesss baby girl. Good girl, good girl." Eijiro played with his balls while you swirled your hands around the base of his dick and rolled your eyes back into your skull as your cheeks hollowed out around him.

Eijiro follows your mouth as you move to the middle of the bed and lay down next to Katsuki. He's awake but his eyes are closed. "Oi, what's this shit I hear about her being "my good girl"? 'S too damn early in the morning for that kinda talk. She's our good girl. Don't make me tell you again or there'll be consequences." Katsuki rolled over beside you as you continued working your lips around Eijiro. He took your chin in his hands and pulled you off of his cock with a pop. He kissed your slobbery, precum covered lips. "Good morning, sweets. Are you making daddy Ei feel good?"

You nodded, "Mm-hm. I wanted to help him, too. Do ..." Your voice and eyes trailed off from Katsuki. Feeling too shy to even ask him what you wanted. Katsuki laughed and took your hand and placed it over his heart.

"Ya wanna ask me something, sweetheart? You started to say something but stopped." Ever the observant man, he read you like a book.

"I - I wanted to know if you wanted to feel good, too, Sir." He smiled down at you. "You are such a good girl. Asking if I want to feel good, too. Yes. Of course I do. I love it when you make me feel good. Do you want to be in here, just you and me? Or do you want daddy Ei here, too?" You squealed with joy and put your arms up. Katsuki lifted your nightgown from your head slowly and gently. It made you feel so safe and loved when he was like this with you.

You moved up onto his lap. Your clothes discarded and his arms wide open, you climbed up onto his large legs, straddling his lap. "Like this, Sir?"

He hummed in approval. "Mmm-hmm. Just like that, angel." He wrapped his arms around your waist and began to guide you over the growing bulge in his boxers. "Want to see what daddy has for you, baby?" You nodded, drooling all over yourself and the thought of what he was about to show you.

Katsuki pulled his boxers down to reveal his throbbing cock. It stood up straight and proud, ready for your attention. "Go ahead, baby. Touch it." You slid your hands up his chest and down his arms and around to his waist before grabbing his dick. Tucking your chin shyly, you looked up at him and blushed. "You like it? You like Sirs hard cock, baby girl?" He asked.

You nodded. "Mm-hm. It's so pretty, Sir. May I?" Your lips pouted and your eyes pleaded with him. "Yes, baby. Go ahead and suck it." You slid down his body on your knees and leaned over, wrapping your lips around the tip of his cock and sliding down as far as you could.

"Oh, fuuuck, baby girl. Just like that. Sssuch - fuck, such a good girl for me." He said, not thinking that he had chewed Eijiro out for saying something similar not too long ago. It just felt too good with your hot, wet mouth around him for him to have any actual thoughts other than blowing his load in your sweet little mouth.

"Mmmm, Sir, can I suck you until you cum in my mouth, please? Pretty pleeease? I want to make you feel good." He growled at your words, feeling himself already getting closer and closer to cumming.

That was until Eijiro spoke up. He was so quiet that you both forgot he was in there. "What was that you were saying about her being our girl? Not 5 minutes ago, Katsuki. Tsk tsk tsk. And here you are, doing the same thing. Without an ounce of shame."

Katsuki smoothed your hair down on the back of your head and gave you a little extra push further down his shaft. "Shut up, dumbass." He huffed through his nose. "Yeah yeah yeah. Ok. Whatever. You wanna join us, idiot?"

Eijiro nodded slightly as he palmed his cock through his robe. "Wouldn't want to let our baby down, so yeah. I'll play."

"She's not ready to handle both of us just yet. We can't do that right now. She's not ready for that." Katsuki said, matter-of-factly. "But she can suck me off while you fuck her from behind." Eijiro grinned, taking his robe off and revealing his own, equally thick cock.

"Good idea. Go ahead and get up on your hands and knees for Daddy Ei and me, sweetheart." You obeyed, scooting off of Kats' legs back onto the bed on all fours. Smiling up at them both, you shook your ass at Eijiro and opened your mouth for Katsuki to pick up where you left him.

"You want me to take this sweet little pussy from behind, baby?" Eijiro said as he slid his cock along your dripping wet slit. He spread your lips with his fingers and ran his thumb over your clit, causing you to moan and push your ass back into him. "So wet already, so so wet, fuck. What a good girl." He saw your pussy clench around the tip of his finger as he praised you.

"Daddy Ei, still gotta pee, though." They looked at each other and laughed.

"Yeah. Yeah, we know, angel. Just do the best you can for us, ok?" You whined and began to protest but Katsuki filled your mouth before you could say anything else about it.

"Oohh-hohh, that's it, baby. Good girl. Takin’ me so deep right away. Fuck yes, baby." You moaned again as your nose brushed against Katsuki's wiry tufts of hair. You loved it when they praised you. You knew you were a good girl for them, but it felt so good to hear them say it.

Katsuki's hips started to buck as he got closer and closer to cumming in your mouth. You felt your own orgasm building up from the back as Eijiro rubbed your clit and fucked you. He grabbed your hair and pulled back so your head was up, your throat was stretched, and your mouth was open wide for Katsuki to finish.

"Fuuuck, baby girl, gonna - cuh, g- gonna - fuuuuck!" He cried out, pumping his hips faster and faster into your mouth as his seed shot out of him. He watched you swallow it all down and he pulled his cock out, dripping with your spit and his cum.

He kissed the top of your head and moved to the side, letting Eijiro get closer. "You ready, sweetheart? Want me to fuck this pretty little pussy until you cum all over my cock?" Eijiro said, rubbing your clit faster and faster.

You whined out loud. "Yes, daddy Ei. Please, please fuck me! Fill me up with your milk, daddy!"

Katsuki sat beside you and took your face in his hands, wiping away the tears that had pooled in the corners of your eyes from sucking him off. "That's my good girl. So fucking pretty like this." He whispered into your ear. "Now, be a good girl and cum for daddy Ei, ok?" You nodded as he continued to whisper in your ear. "Good girl. Cum all over his cock, yeah? Can you do that for us, baby? We want you to feel good, too.”

Eijiro thrust harder and faster into you, feeling his own orgasm building up. He wrapped his arms around your waist and hoisted you up, still on your hands and knees, but with him on his knees behind you. He pushed himself all the way into you and you both cried out with pleasure.

"Nnghh, gotta pee, daddyyy Eiii, still gotta peeee!"

"Go ahead, sweetheart. You're so good for us. Just let go. Let it all out." Katsuki said, still whispering in your ear. He reached down and began to rub your clit and kiss your neck as Eijiro continued to pump his hips into you and press on your bladder.

"Gonna, gonna p- OHHHH, FUCK! C- CUH- I'M CUMMING!!!" You screamed as your orgasm rocked through your body. Leaving you a shaking, soaked mess. The blankets beneath you were drenched, as well. "Oh no, sorry, Daddy Ei, sorry Sir. I - you said to, though." This was the first time they let you do that in bed.

Katsuki and Eijiro held onto you tight, letting you ride out the waves of pleasure with them. Eijiro groaned and came, filling you with his sticky cum.

You collapsed onto the bed, panting and covered in sweat, piss and cum. Katsuki pulled you close to him and wrapped his arms around you. Eijiro curled up behind you and wrapped his arm around your waist.

"We love you, baby girl. You're so good for us. Such a good girl." He kissed the back of your neck and stroked your hair. "Let's get you cleaned up. We've got a lot of work to do today, so let's get you nice and clean. Then we'll make you a big breakfast, ok?" You nodded and snuggled up against him, feeling safe and loved.

"I love you, too, Sir and daddy Ei. I'm sorry for the mess, though."

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. It's ok. We'll take care of it." Eijiro kissed your shoulder and smiled. "You just relax. We'll handle the rest." You nodded again and closed your eyes. Feeling content and happy, you drifted off to sleep for just a little while longer in their arms.

Taglist ::: @millennialmagicalgirl @dcsiremc @darkstarlight82 @callm3senpaii @arlerts-angel

[riririnnnn]

ngl as much as i like isagi it gets boring when he's winning too much 🤷‍♀️ i still hope he wins tho lol but he needs to lose sometimes idk wtv i love kaiser

Hm, I agree with you, but at the same time, I don't too—Isagi isn't winning 'too much', he is, simply, reaping what he sowed.

So, let's start from the start:

Isagi's initial ranking was 299 which is HELLA low, but, you know, that ranking was, somewhat, pretty.. false.

In short, there were 5 strata and EVERY team in each stratum was named from V to Z and EVERYONE, initially, held a ranking from 241 to 300, so we have no way to truly calculate Isagi's true ranking out of 300.

One more reason why I don't trust that ranking is because Ego is one hell of a cunning man—I bet there were more than just 'skills' as a criteria to rank them because I can never in my whole life accept that Niko ranked above Kunigami.

And in the first selection he LOST to Barou—he did NOT win right away. He did NOT score ALL the goals in their subsequent winning matches too—Bachira, Chigiri, Gagamaru, Kunigami, even Kuon shined in their own times. Isagi did NOT have the spotlight onto him all at once.

Skipping towards Second Selection, we remember him getting praised by Anri that, "Ooh, that kid is improving so fast," and it was, by no means, a protagonist point because, my brother in Christ, one of his abilities is literally adapting!

And after we get his new ranking of 15, and as said by Ego, it's a true ranking rather than a false one like earlier.

Then the story proceeds and he challenges Rin, and guess what?

HE LOSES TWICE AGAINST RIN!!

And then.

HE LOST AGAINST THE WORLD FIVE TOO!

HE IS THE LITERAL PROTAGONIST AND HE HAS BEEN SHOWN LOSING SO MANY TIMES ALREADY!!!!!!!

If he really had an actual plot armour, then he would've won against Rin the second time and would've gotten VERY close to winning against the World Five too.

You getting me?

And then he doesn't even have a ranking in the Top 6!?! His ahh wasn't even the runner-up of it—Bachira was!

And trust me when I say it, if it would've been any animanga other than Blue Lock, then that protagonist would've been the CF during the U-20 because WE ALL KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT MATCH WAS SINCE BLUE LOCK'S LIFE LITERALLY WAS DEPENDENT ON IT!!!!!

I'm so sorry. I promise I'm not angry or yelling at you. Please don't be mad at me, I'm just being passionate.

Now comes the current arc: NEL

I've already made a post about why Kaiser chose Isagi to be his rival (it may differ once we get Kaiser's backstory revealed), so keeping it aside, I want to say that Isagi is THE pacifist because if Kaiser did all that to ME, then I would've swung so fast like who tf you calling a clown, huh? You wanna catch these hands? Guess what, I'll give you these legs too.

Well, now focusing on FC Barcha match, remember that Isagi didn't score. He PASSED. How can people even forget that? Yukimiya nearly threw hands because of that only!

And then came Manshine City—bro, he literally got blocked by Kaiser and then he PASSED again and then he FAINTED!?!?!?!?!

All this time he was SLOWLY building up momentum and that's what we low-key saw in Ubers match and are seeing in PXG match.

He EARNED everything.

He wasn't winning everytime.

He has lost many times too.

We just have too many characters who are given proper amount of character developments which sometimes reduces Isagi to being just a protagonist—God! Us Fandom is so spoiled, aren't we? We are so well fed that we have become bratty, LMFAO.

And yes, I love Kaiser a lot too.

But in the end, the Roman Empire fell too, right?

[sergeantsporks]

Gilded Family

Rating: Teen and Up, Gen

Ch 29/?: Infection

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6 , Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17,  Ch 18, Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21, Ch 22, Ch 23, Ch 24, Ch 25, Ch 26, Ch 27, Ch 28

In which none of the previous golden guards or wittebro died, actually, they're all fine and living happily together as one big dysfunctional family

Ao3

“Sa-am,” Evelyn sang, sweeping into the lab. Phoenix followed in her wake, ducking behind her to stay out of Petro’s glare radius.

Sam set down a rat with a glyph attached to it that scampered away immediately. “Hello, Mother Dearest. What is it that you need?”

“I didn’t say that I needed something.”

“You get musical when you’re going to ask me for something. What is it?”

“Mm. Yes.” Evelyn nodded a couple of times. “Now that you mention it. I could use a transportation glyph, please and thank you. Also perhaps you could come with us so that we can get back, and because my magic is a wee bit depleted from the barrier?”

“Ah. Just give me a—” Sam reached down, patted the table where the rat had been, and cursed. “Never mind. Give me a now. May I ask where it is that we’re headed?”

Evelyn glanced at Petro. “Not in front of him.”

“Who am I going to tell, Mummy Beloved?” Petro sighed, tilting his chair back on its legs, “I am to be left alone, without a single soul to talk t—” His chair tilted back too far and he crashed backwards. “Hm.”

“Good,” Evelyn said sharply, “It’ll give you time alone to think about what you’ve done.”

She stalked back out, Sam scurrying behind her. Phoenix turned to go, but Petro cleared his throat. “Little bird, I’ve got a favor to ask. I know you don’t trust me, and you have no reason to, but this is very important to me, so please at least consider my request.”

Despite every warning bell ringing in his head, Phoenix stayed. “What?”

Petro’s face split into a grin. “Bring me back a souvenir?”

Phoenix sighed, and he picked up Petro’s chair, setting him upright and checking to make sure his bonds hadn’t been loosened in the fall. “You know, when I was in your memories, I heard someone singing a lullaby. I don’t know who they were, but do you think they’d be proud of who you are now?”

Petro’s eyebrows went down in an angry v, and all the spiteful humor on his face gave way to rage. He lunged forward against his bonds, snapping his teeth at Phoenix, who jumped backwards to dodge the attack.

“That’s none of your business,” he snarled, “You don’t know what you’re talking about, so just shut up!”

Phoenix backed out of the room, shutting the door on a growling, slavering Petro. He thought he’d seen the worst of Petro, but the hot hate in Petro’s eyes had been far deeper than before, even worse than when Petro had tried to kill him. Whoever could make Petro snap like that would have to wait, though. Evelyn and Sam were already outside, drawing in the dirt.

Before Phoenix could reach the door, Mole slid in front, crossing his arms. He held out a leaf to Phoenix, stained with green mud he must have found on the garden fence.

Phoenix hissed in. “It’s—I’m going to tell them Mole, I just…”

Mole shook his head, taking Phoenix’s arm and tugging him back further into the house.

Phoenix gingerly extracted himself from Mole’s grip. “I can’t. I can’t make them stop to deal with this, not when we’re so close. It’ll take too much time.”

Mole sighed, chewing on his lip and looking at the door, and Evelyn, and then back to Phoenix.

Phoenix crouched slightly so that he was on Mole’s eye level. “I’ll tell them when we get back. I’ll play it safe. No unnecessary risks. I promise.”

Mole threw his hands up in the air and stormed away, shutting his room door harder than necessary, but not hard enough for it to slam. Phoenix sighed.

I guess I’d be pretty mad at him if he was sick and wouldn’t tell anyone.

At least he could be sure that Mole wouldn’t tell anyone.

Phoenix joined the others outside just as Evelyn snatched the arm of a passing adult. “Marcus. I’m going out. You’re in charge of the barrier while I’m gone. It should just be a few hours, then I’ll take over again. If you think your magic is starting to fade, ask Aurelia to use hers.”

Marcus nodded, and the glow around the fence took on a different hue; still blue, but a more greenish blue than Evelyn’s magic.

Sam finished his glyph and dusted his hands off. “All set! Where is it we’re off to?”

“The head.”

Sam coughed. “The head. You mean where the Collector is? You mean that place that’s crawling with their spies? That place Phoenix barely got out of alive? That head?”

“That’s the one. I know it’s not exactly a vacation, but that’s where the last Grimwalker is, so that’s where we need to go.”

“Oh boy. Does Dad know?”

Evelyn glowered. “I don’t need your father’s permission.”

Sam held his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t say you did! It just seems like. Maybe. Perhaps. Going on a very dangerous rescue mission to a very dangerous place. Might be the sort of thing we discuss with the whole family? Instead of rushing off half-baked? At the very least, we should have Auric on standby?”

Evelyn paced back and forth. “We don’t have time for a lengthy family debate over the risks! Every second they spend up there is another second that the Collector might find them, or worse, kill them without realizing!”

“Okay, okay!” Sam hissed in. “Sorry, one last thing… no offense, Phoenix, but are you sure you’re up for this?”

Phoenix shoved his hands back in his pockets. “I’ll be fine. The situation’s not ideal, but it’s never going to be.”

“Sam,” Evelyn pleaded, “I’d do this on my own, but my magic is shot. Phoenix is the one who figured out where they are, so we need him there to guide us. We need to get in and out quickly, and only you can help us do that. Are you going to take us there?”

Sam’s mouth set in a firm line. “Well. I’ve already got the glyph drawn. Why not? All aboard that are coming aboard.”

Sam and Evelyn stepped into the circle, and Sam tapped the glyph. Golden light rushed around Phoenix, and when it faded, he faced a familiar archway, glowing eerily in the light cast by the Archive House hovering thousands of feet over them.

Phoenix’s heart pounded in his chest, and he gingerly touched the shattered remains of the portal door.

Are you there, Jason?

Are you still safe?

Evelyn opened her bag, passing out concealment stones. Phoenix saw potion bottles hidden deep in her bag, clinking gently together with her movement, but she quickly buckled the bag back up, hiding them from sight. Phoenix slipped the concealment stone over his head, and the magic drew lines around his joints. His clothes popped in the darkness, now more colorful and flowy, like a puppet’s.

“Where next, Phoenix?”

Phoenix peered out of the decimated lab, and immediately stepped back, head spinning. Outside, the ground gave way to a straight drop into unending darkness, the bridge long gone. “Down there.”

“Eugh.” Sam pulled out a notepad, drawing three new glyphs. “Feather-fall,” he explained, handing them out, “I don’t think taking the stairs is an option anymore.”

Evelyn immediately jumped over the edge of the precipice. Sam grabbed Phoenix’s arm. “Hey.”

“Hey?”

Sam nodded towards the edge. “Mom’s… not in the most logical headspace right now. Make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. Once we find wherever he kept us stored, I’m going to hang back and start the return glyph.” Sam glanced up at the sky. “Being this close to the archive house gives me the creeps. I want to get out of here as soon as possible.”

Phoenix shuffled closer to the edge of the drop, but didn’t jump. “You’re not hanging back to try and catch a puppet, are you?”

“Well, I wasn’t, but I’m thinking about it now.” Sam gave him a little push. “Just help me keep her safe. Go!”

Phoenix took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and jumped before he could think too hard about it. He clutched the feather-fall glyph close to his chest, opening his eyes and activating it just before hitting the ground. He staggered forward, and Evelyn gripped his forearms to keep him steady.

“Easy, Phoenix. You’re alright.”

Sam tapped down gently next to them, landing as gracefully as a fairy. He held a small light glyph in one hand, gently illuminating the skull around them. “Oog. I did not miss this place.” His voice echoed in the cavern, and he kicked at something glimmering on the ground. “He never cleaned up down here, did he?”

Phoenix recognized the object Sam had kicked, and his stomach churned. Golden masks littered the ground, some accompanied by bloodstained scraps of white fabric, others by a spaulder or a torn-up breastplate.

Evelyn’s hold on Phoenix tightened. “We were this close the whole time?!”

“What is this place?” Phoenix asked. He could guess, and something pressed at the corners of his mind, a sense of familiarity, but the others seemed much more familiar with it.

“Uncle Pip’s dumping ground,” Sam grumbled “He dropped a lot of us down here once he was done with us.”

“It was always the first place Caleb and I checked,” Evelyn whispered, picking up the mask Sam had kicked. “We’d try to catch you before you hit the bottom—like poor Alex did. Not everyone ended up here, but…” She turned the mask over in her hands. “This is where we found you, Phoenix.”

Memories of both being dragged across the bridge and dragging bodies himself warred for dominance in Phoenix’s mind—not that he’d ever thought about or remembered this place before today. The memory of Belos pushing his lifeless body over the edge was faint, barely more than a feeling of déjà vu overshadowed by the pain of his injuries, but watching himself fall, while clearer… didn’t even feel important or worth thinking about.

Which was almost worse.

Evelyn shook her head, tucking the mask into her bag. “If where he made you is really just a few feet away… that’s just twisted.”

“Not to mention ridiculous,” Sam added, “What did he think happened to the bodies when he came down here to get a new kid? Did he think Grimwalker bodies just disintegrate? Okay, wait, actually, if Dad rescued all of us, then he never had a corpse for long. He probably did think that. Fascinating, he had a completely warped understanding of decomposition because of us. I would love to pick apart his brain if he were still alive.”

“Yes, incredibly interesting,” Evelyn agreed impatiently, “Phoenix?”

Phoenix took a deep breath. Okay. Which way?

He started to walk, letting his feet pick the direction without any thought. He passed a few more masks, gleaming dully in the dim light from Sam’s light glyph. Finally, a cave yawned out at them from the darkness, and Phoenix stopped.

“There,” he whispered.

Evelyn’s hand found his in the darkness. “Let’s bring them home,” she whispered.

Sam drew more light glyphs, wafting them into the room. Phoenix stared at three vats filled to the brim with dirt, the fingers on his free hand twitching and clawing as if he were buried and needed to dig his way out. Tubes fed into the dirt, and Phoenix knew in the back of his head that they should be filled with glowing green liquid. But the whole room felt… lopsided, somehow, and whatever the tubes had been hooked to before, they now lay disconnected on the ground.

A small hand stuck out of one stone vat, and Phoenix pointed with a squeak. Evelyn pulled him to it, but neither of them made any move to dig it up.

“Are they still alive?” Phoenix gingerly reached out—the hand wouldn’t even be the length of his pinkie finger when stretched out.

The moment his finger brushed the tiny fingers, they twitched and tightened, curling around his index finger. Evelyn gasped and immediately started to dig, shoveling away great handfuls of dirt. Phoenix joined her, his free hand digging around the grimwalker’s arm with practiced movements, as if he’d been doing this his whole life, even though some part of him said that he’d only ever watched, and another part of him whispered that he’d only ever dug from the opposite side.

A small face started to appear in the soil, chubby with baby fat and smeared with dirt. Evelyn seized a heavy white cloak hanging on a peg, wrapping the little grimwalker up. They weren’t quite an infant—if Phoenix had to guess, they were a year or two old.

Evelyn gently brushed dirt off of the sleeping grimwalker’s face. “Hey, little guy,” she said softly, “I know a bunch of people who are going to be so happy to meet you. And we’re going to take good care of you.” She gently kissed the top of the grimwalker’s head, then handed them to Phoenix. “Here—can you hold them for a moment? Mind their head, I think they’re big enough that it shouldn’t be too floppy but it’s been… a while.”

“Ack—” Phoenix held the baby like it might explode, cradling their head in one hand. “Um—Evelyn, I don’t know if I should—I’ve never held a—what if I drop—”

“You’ll be fine,” she said briskly, “You won’t hurt them.” She reached into her bag, pulling out potion bottles and holding them between her fingers. “Go wait outside with Sam.”

“Why? What are those? What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to burn this miserable hole down to the ground so that no one can ever use it again,” Evelyn growled, “Go.”

Her magic gently pushed Phoenix out of the cave, and she threw the first potion, destroying one of the stone vats with an almighty boom and a crack of splitting stone.

“Yep,” Sam said in a resigned voice, “That’s what I was afraid of. Well! As long as she’s being safe about it! We’re far enough down that the Collector won’t notice. I think.”

The grimwalker in Phoenix’s arms squirmed, reaching up towards his face and batting at his nose. “Mrgh?” they gurgled.

“Ohhhhhhhhh boy—” Phoenix bounced the baby up and down the way he’d seen caretakers at the orphanage do. “Okay, go back to sleep, go back to—”

Another boom, and this time, the machine in the corner exploded, sending shards outwards. Phoenix’s arms started to ache, and although the flickering of the explosions made every rock and shadow seem strange and eerie, he could clearly see that the blackish green veins had reached his fingertips and were starting to web outwards, turning his nails black.

Crack

Phoenix shook his head back and forth as if that would dislodge the feeling of something slithering under his skin, making his arms itch and crawl and… bubble.

“Phoenix?” Sam asked, “Are you okay?”

“She needs to stop,” Phoenix whispered, “She needs to stop destroying it, she needs to—” He deposited the grimwalker baby in Sam’s arms before he could drop them, his arms trembling uncontrollably. The baby frowned, reaching towards Phoenix with little grabby hands.

“It took so long, she can’t…” Phoenix pressed his arms against his stomach, doubling over. “Stop it. Stop it, stop it—”

“Mooooooooooooom? We need to leave!” Sam yelled somewhere in the distance, “Something’s wrong with Phoenix—”

“Just a little bit more,” Evelyn called back, “I’m almost done—”

“Stop,” Phoenix rasped. His arms didn’t just itch anymore, they burned, shifting and tearing and breaking and reforming over and over and over.

“Mom!” Sam yelped, “Forget the cave! You’ve done enough! We need to go now!

Golden light rushed around Phoenix, and something inside of him whispered to take it, to consume it, to dig his claws (what claws, he’d never had claws) into the light and seize it for his own.

The light faded on its own, turning to red trees, and Phoenix’s legs wobbled.

Evelyn reached out to catch his arms, but yanked her hands away at the last second, her mouth dropping open in horror. Phoenix fell to his knees, too sluggish to break his fall with his hands, and crashed forward on his forearms. His arms showed no sign of flesh or skin, just oozing, pulsing mud that shifted and swirled, revealing white bone and covering it up just as quickly.

“What—is—happening—” Phoenix groaned.

Evelyn grabbed Sam’s collar, hauling him and the baby grimwalker backwards away from Phoenix and shoving him towards the house. “Get your father. Now.”

Sam scrambled away, calling for help. Evelyn approached Phoenix slowly, holding her hands up.  “Hey—stick with me. When did it start getting worse?”

Phoenix touched his forehead to the ground as the mud ate at his upper arm, slinking towards his shoulders. “Hnnnngh—”

“Okay, okay, let me just—” Her hand touched his shoulder lightly, then flicked down to the mud. She immediately drew back with a yelp, shaking her hand, and eyed his arms with a mixture of horror, worry, and… disgust. “It’s like…”

“Belos,” Phoenix grated out. He pushed up to his feet, blinking back stars from his vision. “It’s like Belos, it’s—”

His curse

The attacks

Is that going to happen to me?!

“Phoenix—” Evelyn started, but Phoenix was already backing away from her.

“Stay back—I don’t want to hurt you.”

She faltered, her face heartbroken. But she didn’t chase him when he ran, stumbling through the forest. He had to get as far away from the house as he could before this lashed out—it had already hurt Evelyn, he couldn’t let it attack anyone else.

Phoenix’s arm brushed against a tree, and a jolt of pain rushed up his spine as a low branch pushed right through the mud, touching bone. He stumbled to the side with a howl, clutching his arms close to his chest.

A solitary raindrop dripped from the sky, tracing down his cheek.

Rain had never bothered Phoenix before. It had never scalded him the way it did normal witches. But now the boiling water hissed into his arms, dragging tracks in his arms and dripping muddy water from his fingertips.

And it burned.

Phoenix ran, this time looking for shelter from the rain, any shelter. He tripped, skidding down a sharp bank, and finally crawled under a fallen tree that created a small hollow. He curled into a ball, pressing his arms tightly against himself to keep them from exploding outwards. The mud had stopped trying to crawl further up his arms, leaving burns behind. It didn’t… settle, exactly. It just swirled more sluggishly, crawling and migrating around his lower arms.

Phoenix scooted further back into his hollow to stay away from the rain. At least Caleb and Evelyn couldn’t come looking for him in this weather—and he doubted they’d ask a grimwalker to find him when he looked like their worst nightmare.

“What am I supposed to do?” he whispered out loud. Every memory he had of Belos lashing out (and a few that he didn’t remember himself) with his curse played through his mind. He’d always consumed a palisman’s magic right after, but the thought made Phoenix sick to his stomach. He couldn’t do that. Not knowing how Hunter felt about his palisman, not knowing what loyal creatures they were.

What had he been expecting with this infection? That it would just make his arms ache? That his wounds would just keep spitting out cursed mud forever? That he could see some of Belos’ memories when it was convenient and not face any other consequences? Of course there was a price. There was always a price, always some exchange for any information or benefit when it came to Belos.

The rain slowed, but didn’t stop, still trickling down and making the air into a steamy fog. Phoenix’s stomach rumbled. Right. He hadn’t actually stopped to have breakfast this morning, and it was probably well past noon by now.

Had Belos ever eaten anything? Could he? Would Phoenix be able to stomach food now? Or would he be forced to eat a palisman or starve at some point?

A branch snapped, and Phoenix’s head snapped up, his ears twitching to locate the sound. He didn’t call out—anything that could be out in a rainstorm was bound to be a predator looking for its next meal.

Maybe it would be better for something to just eat me now before this gets worse and I hurt someone, he thought bleakly. Tears of exhaustion and pain blurred Phoenix’s vision, but he blinked them back, not letting them fall. I’m sorry, Darius. Jason. Hunter. I can’t…

“Phoenix?” Caleb’s voice called, “Phoooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeniiiiiiiiiiiiiiix! Are you out here?”

The ortet emerged from the steam, holding an umbrella over his head. Even with the barrier between him and the rain, tiny pockmark burns dotted his arms and face, and his clothing steamed. A pang of guilt tore at Phoenix—he’d come looking, even in the rain, and he’d gotten hurt.

“Go away,” Phoenix choked, “Just… go home.”

“Are you coming with me?”

Was he crazy?! “I can’t.”

Caleb shrugged. “Then I’m not going home either.”

He took another step closer, and Phoenix curled further into the hollow. “Stay back!”

Caleb halted in his tracks, holding his hands up as best he could while still gripping the umbrella. “Hey—it’s okay,” he shushed, edging closer, “I’m not gonna hurt you, it’s okay.”

“No—stay away—I don’t want to hurt you!”

“Then don’t,” Caleb said simply, taking another slow, steady step towards him.

Phoenix shook his head. How could he not understand?! He’d seen Belos, he’d fought Belos; why was he still coming closer, knowing what might happen?! “I don’t want to—but the curse, Belos’ attacks—”

“Oh,” Caleb sighed, “I see.” He reached the hollow, ducking inside and kneeling next to Phoenix. Phoenix’s heart thudded in his chest, and he pulled his arms even closer to himself, keeping them away from Caleb.

“You should run before… before…”

Caleb cupped Phoenix’s face in his hands, his thumb wiping away a streak of dirt. “Hey. Listen to me. Phillip didn’t hurt people because of the curse.” He shook his head. “Phillip hurt people because he wanted to. And Phoenix…” Caleb smiled gently, brushing Phoenix’s hair out of his face. “I’m not scared of you.”

A sob burst out of Phoenix’s throat, and he fell forward, burying his face in Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb wrapped his arms around Phoenix without hesitation, one hand cradling his head and the other resting on his back. Phoenix clutched him like a lifeline—his hands had turned to claws, so he stretched his fingers out flat to keep from tearing Caleb’s skin.

“I don’t—want to end up—like him—” he cried, tears still pouring from his eyes, “I don’t want to—” Every lie and trick, every harsh word, everything he’d done wrong in the last month pounded against his head, screaming that it was already too late, and this was just his body finally showing what he really was.

“You won’t,” Caleb said fiercely, “I won’t let that happen. I promise, you won’t turn into him. I promise, I promise, I promise.”

“It’s already started,” Phoenix stammered, “I’m sorry, I should have told you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have hidden it, but I’m seeing his memories, and—and getting upset over things he’d get upset over that I shouldn’t be getting upset over. And I lied to you and Evelyn about my arms, and I lied to the Collector to trick him into letting us go, and I lied to King to get him to come with me, and… and now my arms-!”

The mud started to move again, dripping away from him, and Phoenix hid his face in Caleb’s shoulder rather than see the white bone and the oozing, burning mud. He heaved in a shaky breath. You’re acting like a child, a voice in his head scolded, but Caleb felt warm and solid, and he didn’t want to let go.

“Okay. Okay.” Caleb rubbed a slow circle on his back. “Okay. Hey—hey, I don’t know why this is happening, or you’re seeing his memories. I don’t. But they don’t make you him, not any more than Hunter is Belos because he went into Belos’ mind and saw his memories.”

“But the Collector. And King. The way I lied and tricked them…” Phoenix shuddered, his clawed hands clenching into fists and opening over and over. “I knew it was like him, I knew it was exactly something Belos would do. And I knew that the Collector had been tricked before. But I still… I still…”

“You were scared,” Caleb said gently, “You were facing something much more powerful than you, and the only way out was to use your head. Lying isn’t always the wrong thing to do, Phoenix. Sometimes you have to lie, to protect yourself and the people you love.”

“And how do you know Belos wasn’t just scared?” Phoenix challenged, “Maybe he thought he had to lie, too.”

Caleb heaved a deep sigh and slowly sat back on his heels, ending the hug. “Phillip was scared,” he admitted, “Phillip was scared of a lot of things. He was scared of dying. He was scared of losing me. But most of all, Phillip was scared of what he didn’t understand.”

“Then how?” Phoenix asked, his voice cracking, “If he lied because he was scared too, then how is it any different?”

Caleb went very still and stayed a little bit too quiet for just a little bit too long. Outside, the rain came to a stop, leaving just lingering wisps of steam. “I think,” Caleb said slowly, “that Phillip let his fear of what he didn’t understand turn into hatred.” He closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly like he was admitting something to himself. “I encouraged him to turn it into hatred.” Caleb opened his eyes again, his shoulders hunching just ever-so-slightly, as if he were scared Phoenix would be angry at him. “I thought it was the right thing at the time, but…” he sighed. “That’s besides the point. Fear can help keep us safe. But not everything we don’t understand is out to get us. And that is something Phillip never learned. Something he didn’t want to learn.”

Phoenix tucked his arms in close again. “I… don’t understand.”

“Phillip chose to hate the things he didn’t understand instead of trying to find out more about them. And he went out of his way to keep doing so and to keep lying, and he kept on hating the unknown so badly that when the time came… he ended up causing one of his worst fears to come to pass rather than letting go of the fear that turned into hate.”

Caleb twisted his hands around each other. “I can’t say for sure where the line lies,” he said finally, “But I think perhaps Phillip crossed it when he sought out the unknown in order to destroy it, rather than just protecting himself when something harmful came his way. And most of all, I think he crossed that line when he was given obvious signs that he was hurting innocent people, and doing the wrong thing, and he chose to ignore them and keep going instead of changing.”

“How do you know I’m not doing the same thing?”

“Phoenix, would you lie to… King? Yes, King. Would you lie to King again?”

Phoenix shook his head dully. Even without knowing how King had reacted when he’d found out—he should have told him the whole truth from the beginning. Let him make his own decisions.

“And the Collector—”

“They’re not what everyone thinks,” Phoenix said in a rush, “They’re just a kid who wanted friends, and I was so desperate to get home that I ruined any chance I had, but if I hadn’t lied to him and tried to run, if I’d tried something else, anything else, I think I could have—I could have—” he stopped, eying Caleb. The ortet wore a small, knowing smile on his face. “What? Why are you smiling like that?”

“You took time to understand the Collector,” Caleb said gently.

“He’s still terrifying. Even more now that they probably hate me.”

“But…?”

“But not bad,” Phoenix admitted, “I don’t want to hurt them. And I don’t think I have to lie to them—I shouldn’t lie to him.”

“There you go. Still think you’re just like Belos?”

Phoenix held up his dripping arms. “But if I do start to…what if I start to act like him, and I don’t even realize?”

“You have me. And you have Evelyn. And you have all your siblings.” Caleb gave him a crooked grin. “I think we’re kind of experts on what Belos acts like. If you’re really worried… just trust us. We’re not perfect. And we make mistakes. But we’ll help you the best we can.”

He stood up, offering Phoenix a hand. “They’re all worried about you. Let’s go home?”

Phoenix reached up to take his hand, but before he did, he heard a rustle and a snap, and the hiss of magic. A glowing net shot out of the bushes, slamming into Phoenix.

“Got it!” a voice cheered from the bush. Two familiar masks and white cloaks popped up, dirty and dented, but still undeniably coven scouts. “Urgh, what is that thing?! I’ve never seen anything like it!”

Phoenix tore at the net, his throat closing up and his breath seizing in his chest. “Get it off—get it off, get it—”

“Stay calm—” Caleb knelt down next to the net, flicking out a knife and sawing at the magical ropes. “I’ve got you, Phoenix, you’re going to be o—”

One of the scouts yanked Caleb back, throwing him to the side. “Back off! Our kill!”

Phoenix strained and kicked to get away, but the net held, and the more he struggled, the tighter the net got, digging into his skin. His arms started to shift again, the cursed mud sliding in and out of the holes in the net, bubbling and squirming to burst free.

Caleb surged to his feet, cannoning into one of the scouts and wrestling them away from Phoenix. “No!” he yelled, “He’s not—a monster! Leave—him—alone!”

“Get off!”

The scout drew a spell circle, and a flesh-eating plant tore out of the ground, snapping Caleb up in its jaws. The human yelled in pain, and a sound like a roar burst out of Phoenix’s throat. A surge of energy shot through his limbs, and he tore the net apart.

“Titan—”

“Watch out, there it—”

Without thinking, Phoenix threw one hand out, and the cursed mud responded, shooting forward and slamming into one scout’s chest, throwing him backwards into a tree. The other scout threw a fireball at him, and he raised his other arm to shield himself. The magic slammed into his arm, but it didn’t seem to burn, just sort of… splattered against the mud uselessly. Phoenix tossed the scout into the branches of another tree effortlessly, turning to face the plant.

The cursed mud stretched out so far that he could see most of his arm’s bones, and some of his fingers as well. Phoenix faltered, exhaustion sweeping up from the tips of his fingers and through his whole body, like the mud was sapping all the energy he had left.

Caleb cried out as the plant tightened its grip, and Phoenix’s vision blurred. He felt himself moving, felt trees rushing past him, felt something heavy in his arms, but it was all automatic, his feet stumbling along the way until familiar lights blinked at him. He heard a yell for someone to help, and something tugged at the weight in his arms—Caleb, he realized, someone was trying to pull Caleb away. A snarl rasped out of his throat, and he pulled Caleb closer. Shadowy people moved in his eyesight, their faces blurred and indistinct, but all of them keeping a wary distance. He felt big, and detached, like some clumsy beast that had stumbled into a domesticated town.

Something wrapped around his waist, something solid and warm. Phoenix started to pull away, but the thing just clung tighter. It didn’t make any move to take Caleb, or tug him anywhere, or knock him over, it just… held on.

Hugged, he realized, and some small part of Phoenix started to settle back down, enough that he saw and recognized the dirty, freckled face that pressed against him, eyes squeezed shut. He recognized the scar stretching from his left eyebrow to just under his right eye, and the calloused hands, rough from hours spent in the garden.

“Mole?” he whispered.

Evelyn hovered in front of them, her hands fluttering like she wasn’t quite sure whether or not it was safe to touch him. Finally, she stepped forward, sliding one arm around a half-conscious Caleb. Phoenix let her help him down, wrapping his arms around Mole instead.

Mole squeezed so tightly Phoenix’s bruised ribs ached, but he didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry,” Phoenix whispered, “I’m sorry, you were right. I should have asked for help.”

Mole sniffed and nodded, stepping back and holding one fist to his chest, rubbing it in a circle.

“He also says sorry,” Evelyn supplied, “For… being angry?” she guessed.

Mole nodded and hugged Phoenix again. Phoenix wrapped one half-melting arm around him, which quickly turned to one arm around his shoulders while Mole helped him into the house, Phoenix’s legs folding and stumbling like a newborn snake-horse’s. Cherry paced back and forth in the kitchen, but his attention was mostly taken up by the baby grimwalker in his arms, who kept trying to tug on his hair.

“They found you.” Cherry leaned against the table for balance, his distraction allowing the little grimwalker to grasp his flyaway hair strand firmly. “I thought—it got worse, and I didn’t say any—” He held the baby grimwalker tightly, as if they were the only thing keeping him tethered to the world. “But you’re—not okay. But you’re here—titan.”

“I’m sorry,” Phoenix croaked. Guilt bubbled up in his stomach again—Cherry had been in a bad enough state when he’d left. And Phoenix had added the stress of hiding how badly he was doing on top of that. “Cherry, I…”

Grimwalkers gathered in a murmuring circle around Phoenix, staring at his arms.

“Did he…” Meleager asked quietly, gesturing to Caleb.

“No,” Caleb protested weakly, “He—”

A loud retch split the air, and the crowd parted around one grimwalker with a blotchy scar marring their right cheek. Everything else about them was pale—their platinum blonde half-up hair, the magenta of their eyes that fell closer to light pink, and the color of their skin, so pale it was almost translucent. They held one hand to their mouth, staring at Phoenix’s arms.

“Ash—” Evelyn started, but they backed away, gagging again, then turned and ran.

“On it,” Matt promised, chasing after them.

At the edge of the circle, Sam glanced at Cherry, who’d started pacing again, at Evelyn, who was still supporting Caleb, and at Phoenix and Mole. His spine straightened, and he gave the grimwalker next to him a slight push.

“Okay!” he announced briskly, shooing grimwalkers out of the kitchen, “Quit gawking! Big whoop! You people are acting like you’ve never seen a guy’s arms drip off his bones before! Give them space! Go do your chores! Isn’t it time for a patrol? Get on it!”

The crowd slowly dispersed, still murmuring.

“They’ll get used to it, assuming you can’t get rid of it,” Sam announced, “We all will.” He gave Evelyn a pointed look at that, then flounced off, following the grimwalkers to the hallway.

Evelyn lugged Caleb towards the temporary medical center. Phoenix started to follow, but fell at his first step, every muscle completely drained of energy. Mole half-carried him to Cherry’s room, pushing him into bed.

“What about—” Phoenix started in a whisper, but Mole just shook his head with a sigh, throwing a blanket over him. He patted Phoenix’s shoulder, as if to say leave it to me, and went outside, closing the lights and the door behind him. Phoenix sighed, pulling his arms close to himself under the blanket.

If I go to sleep now, will I wake up? Or will it take over?

Despite the worry twisting in his stomach, Phoenix’s eyes started to droop shut, heavy with exhaustion.

Just… for a moment.

[angst-king]

A man by many names pt3

(here is part 3 of my parent V!Deku + child reader story. Its a bit short hope you like it)

Leaving the house, Izuku let out a sigh he didn’t know he’d kept in all that time. With a newfound rage, he finally had a purpose for his villainy. Vengeance. You see as said before Izuku never did anything truly villainous, more so petty theft or the occasional murder for his stocks or to dispose of a body. Besides that, he was simply nothing more than the boogie man. A person who could be anyone or anything, just a scare tactic people used to frighten people. People made up names for him, made up an image for him, and painted him as a monster. A monster no one truly saw or knew anything about. Now this monster was ready to come out.

Tonight he would be meeting with the yakuza and the LOV, though this time he didn’t pay much attention during most of the meeting. He didn’t care for whatever power-hungry bullshit those maniacs had planned out. It was simply just a boasting session and business exchange.

“It's not like you have any excuses to not allow me to borrow a nomu or two nomu, or are you that cowardly?” Joked one of the villains with a grin, Shigaraki rolled his eyes and then pointed at Izuku.

“Like you need your human garbage rat over there?” Izuku looked up to see the finger pointed at him and rolled his eyes.

“Do any of you have something important or are you going to bicker like children over who’s better? Let's get one thing straight you’re both imbeciles who can’t get things done on your own without some sort of aid or alliance. Neither of you has been getting any closer to your goals since the war. One of you wants to still recreate the quirk-erasing drug for your own cultist views and the other one is a brainwashed toddler in an adult's body who’s hungry for power.” Izuku grumbled out with a yawn to emphasize his boredom and annoyance with the group.

“Oh, do you have any plans rat boy?” Asked Shigaraki with a patronizing tone, Izuku smirked widely flashing his teeth.

“Yes I do actually” “Oh and what’s that ya gonna go eat someone?” “Do you think I’m just some animal? You and I are not the same, I just haven’t found a reason to go terrorizing people publicly….well until now.” This got the room’s attention rather well, most times Izuku was just there to listen, report, and take his tasks. Hearing that he had something in mind, Shigaraki wanted to know what it was.

“What the hell is it then?” “Revenge….I want revenge on two pro heroes specifically, Ranger and Swap.” “Hm? And why those two specifically?” Asked Dabi who put his feet up on the table lazily.

“Let's just say they have a track record for abusing children….and you know me Dabi….” Dabi raised a brow at this, seeming intrigued.

“Since you know me and so does Toga, I came here to ask for your assistance in my plan. No offense Shigaraki but I believe you have your things to worry about.” Toga grew excited, she loved getting into these sorts of things. As long as it gave her a chance to let out some pent-up upsets with a cold blade she was all in.

“Why don’t you stop being so vague, Izuku? Depending on what the reasoning for this plan of revenge I may let you borrow them.” Shigaraki hissed out, and Izuku rolled his eyes, it wouldn’t hurt to tell them. Besides, if they dared to hurt (y/n) he wouldn’t hesitate to make their lives miserable.

“Alright then. The reason for me going after these pro heroes is because I’ve taken in their child. Who must I say has gone through horrendous things at the hands of their negligent and abusive parenting.” “So you want to use my team just for some little brat you took in?” Shooting over a glare his eyes changed from their bright green to a shining red color. As if he were trying to stare right through Shigaraki’s soul his tone went cold.

“Last time I checked, your team are just pawns, you don’t actually care what happens to them. So you shouldn’t care if I ask a favor of them if it's something so insignificant to you. All I ask is that they wreak a little havoc. So I don’t see it as such a waste of their time considering you don’t have anything for them to do anyways since all you can do is run back to the drawing board after every failure.” He then looked back to Dabi and Toga with a grin.

“You two, I want you to make them feel as if their life is in danger, i want them paranoid. I want them to feel hunted down. So have fun with it~” Toga nods agreeing to this plan before Dabi asks what was in it for him. Izuku shrugged and replied.

“Hm, I don’t know, what is it that you want in return?” “Hm 1: we get to meet the kid and 2: ….a new phone” Izuku gave a small chuckle at the second request, Dabi had a phone for a few reasons, to keep up with his siblings, and to keep in touch with Hawks.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Toga is there anything you want?” The blond shook her head, saying that just getting the chance to let loose was good enough. With that Izuku got to his feet and said he’d be off. Shigaraki tried to stop him but all Izuku said was.

“I don’t want to keep my little one waiting.”

As promised he stopped by the store to pick up some rice cakes and your favorite juice before heading home. He was surprised to see that you could handle spicy rice cakes rather well for your age. He tried them himself and they were delicious, no doubt about that. Just the spice level you liked for them was was made him wonder what else you’d eat. Once he got home he made his way in quietly just in case you were asleep. But there you were sitting on the couch watching your cartoons and coloring. He smiled and softly called out to you. You grinned and got up from your spot toddling over to him.

“Hey there (Y/n) what cha watching?” “bluey,” You said, you then saw the grocery bag and asked if those were the rice cakes. He nods and leads you into the kitchen where you both make your dinner for the night. As Izuku put the containers into the microwave you asked him about his meeting.

“What was your meeting about?” “Well it was just a meeting on some important business things, I wanted to ask for some assistance on a little idea I had. They agreed to help me thankfully without much protesting. So it shouldn’t be long before that starts up.” “Ooh sounds important” You commented while sipping your juice, he nodded and lightly patted you on the head.

Izuku didn’t know when to tell you his plans or whether he should tell you at all. He would probably have to soon since Toga and Dabi wanted to meet you. But for now he didn’t want to delve into that, he just wanted to spend the rest of the night with you.

[campbluelake]

hell in a cell

Black and red streak past the group at blinding speed. There’s no time to redirect your attention from the demon, but there’s also no need; with a familiar angry screech, Max barrels into Vual with enough force to send them both rolling across to the ground, abruptly cutting the duke’s words short.

“Enough.”

Guess Mothman’s not a fan of evil monologues.

“Fiend– Pest– Worm–” There is nothing human in the voice that berates Duke Vual, nor of the accompanying screeching and roaring to come from both parties as they thrash and struggle against each other. “Sniveling, cowardly, vile thing–”

The demon breaks himself free of claw and talon, and appears further disheveled and off-balance. His suit no longer pressed and form beginning to show signs of injury, he lets out a growl and prepares for a battle with beings of his own size. Max roars again, eager to take advantage of the opportunity Malyce has afforded him.

But already, the smallest trace of blood can be seen matting a portion of Max’s fur from just this initial altercation. Vual’s not exactly weak. So before he pursues the duke further–

“With me, Niko.”

The lack of hesitation makes it seem he is fully confident that one of Hell’s pencil pushers can even the odds. (Because he is. For some reason.) Instead of waiting for any confirmation, Max takes off at high speed to throw himself at the demon again.

“...Eh?”

Niko, left standing alone when Max flies off, sort of awkwardly points at himself. 

“I’m– you know I’m not allowed to do that, right? I swear I explained this, I can’t fight a demon like that or I’ll super turbo die, I’ve already been stretching the rules–”

One of Hell’s pencil pushers is evidently far less confident in his ability to contribute to this fight than Max is on his behalf. Clearly unsure of what he should be doing, his wings flap uselessly once in a facsimile of Max’s much cooler departure and his hand tightens on the handle of his scythe. 

…And then the pendant he’s been wearing this entire time starts to pulse with a dull red light. He startles, blinking and then reaching down to pick it up, the confusion evident on his face. His clawed thumb digs into the side of it, where a visible hinge has appeared, and it pops open like a compact mirror. In fact… if you look closely, it is nearly a compact mirror, a red eye glowing and reflected on the top half. Niko frowns and then brings it up closer to his mouth. 

“...Sir?”

His voice takes on an undertone that hurts your ears slightly as he speaks into it, but the voice that pipes out in return is far worse in this regard, burning in the way you now know demonic voices to. It’s also worse because it’s, hm… how to put this… a bit annoying.

“Nicky! Hey, I’m sure you’re busy and all, but this is much more important than all that, so, hey–”

Niko already looks exhausted. “I am busy, sir.”

“Yes, I said that, now, you know, things are really exciting down here! I hope you have all your reports filed– well, of course you do, you wouldn’t slack like that, ha-ha! That’s why you’re my favorite, Nicky! Anyway, anyway, you know Vual?”

“Yes, I know V–”

“Of course you know Vual! Well, thanks to whatever’s been going on up there, we’ve finally decided that he’s gone too far and we’re going to make a move– so guess who’s going to coooooourt~!”

“Gee, sir, I’m not–”

“Ha-ha, not me, of course! Him! Anyway, that means restrictions are temporarily broken as we’ve got a warrant out for him, and you can’t be that busy, so do you think you could go round him up? Just add whatever power it takes to your invoices, okay? It shouldn’t be too bad!”

Niko looks wearily up at where Vual is engaged in combat with Max. Wearily, but also with a hint of confusion. And also wariness. He has to fight that? He’s a fucking salaryman. It’s not like he doesn’t want to get some revenge for his… friend, though. 

“You’ve got it, sir. I’ll do my best.”

“Of course you will, Nicky! That’s why you’re my favorite employee! Oh, by the way–”

Niko promptly hangs up before who you presume must have been the Barbatos you’ve heard mentioned a couple of times can go off on another tangent. He sighs and spins his scythe into a more ready position. 

“Okay, never mind, guess I’m fucking– allowed to do that after all, Max!”

His form ripples into a pool of shadow, dissolving into the ground and ripping across the grass to where Max and Vual fight. When he reforms, it’s with fangs bared and a slash of his scythe at the duke. 

[commonerhost-a]

6 ft 4 from loyalhost!

LET’S PLAY THE “WHO’S TINIER THAN HARUHI GAME!” 

the answer is: NOT MORI

[thefloorisbalaclava]

your love is king II [könig x f!reader]

▸pairing: könig x f!reader ▸words: 2,592 ▸warnings: domestic könig!!, könig helps you with your anxiety, he is turned on by thinking about you lying in the prone position with your sniper rifle, SMUT (unprotected p in v sex, shower sex, spooning sex, woman on top, reverse cowgirl) ▸summary: you are the most important thing in könig's life, and he has different ways of showing you that.

▸a/n: a little more plot this time? honestly i just want to think about making love to this man in all types of ways.

▸[part one] ▸[masterlist]

König could no longer keep his mind off you. Every waking moment on this earth was now spent thinking about you. Of course, he did not let this distract him from what needed to be done to his enemies, but you had become his reason to survive. He had something to fight and live for now.

“What’s on your mind, König?” you asked as he stared down into his cup of tea. “You need something stronger?”

He chuckled. “No. I’m just…thinking of you.” He finally looked at you.

“Good or bad?” You tilted your head.

“It is never bad when I think of you, liebe.” He put his hand over yours. “I hate leaving you. I hate being separated from you and not knowing if you’re okay. I want to ask if they can put us on the same operation.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you getting in trouble if someone finds out….” You gave him a nervous smile.

“If they find out, let them. The way I feel about you, and my need to protect you is much stronger than any fear I may have.” He pulled you to him.

“There’s my romantic,” you teased.

“Yes, we have established that I am a romantic,” he said, “But I see that you love to tease me.”

“Yes, my King.”

“You should not call me that,” he said in a low tone, “You know what it does to me.” He kissed you softly, and you pressed your body to his.

“Do I?”

“Unruhestifter…” he said quietly.

“I am not a troublemaker,” you giggled.

“Ah, learning more German, hm?” His fingers pressed into the small of your back.

“Yes. For you,” you told him.

“Oh,” he breathed before kissing you again. “I don’t care what anyone says, I’m taking you with me. I cannot leave you here.”

“What if I become a distraction?” you asked.

He pulled back from you with a pout, and you cupped his face. You will never forget the first time he showed you his face.

“You could never be a distraction. Never call yourself that.” He turned his head and kissed your hand.

“I just…”

“I’ll talk to the captain,” he said before you could finish.

“Are you sleeping with him?” Price asked after calling you into his office.

“Sir…I…yes…” you said without looking at him. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Does anyone know?”

“No, sir. Well, just you.” You shook your head. “It wasn’t planned.”

“I know that. Look, if I send you two out on reconnaissance, will you promise to actually get some work done?” he asked, and your face grew hot.

“Y-Yes, sir.”

He pointed at you. “No one finds out about this.”

“Sir.” You nodded.

“Fucking lovebirds,” he complained, and you laughed quietly.

“Thank you, sir.” You left his office with a smile that made your cheeks hurt.

König could not stop kissing you when he found out that Price agreed.

“I want to make love to you to celebrate,” he murmured against your lips.

“I think you’re addicted,” you teased.

“Who wouldn’t be? I am addicted to being inside you, the way you feel around me. I want to live inside you,” he admitted.

You never had someone want you so much and so badly. You also never had someone who had so much stamina.

“I love to hear you call out for me. It lets me know that you are real, I am real, and we are together.”

“Come on.” You took him by the hand and led him to the bathroom. You turned the shower on and undressed. He smirked and did the same.

You stepped in first, and he followed.

“Will you moan for me, my King?”

He pressed you to the shower wall. “Yes, meine Königin.” He had taken to calling you that. “Why do you like it so much when I moan?” He slipped a hand between your legs.

“It tells me that you’re enjoying it—that I make you feel good,” you moaned.

“The way I make you feel good?” He pressed his teeth to your jaw as you threw your head back.

“Yes. God, yes,” you cried.

“I need to be inside you. Are you ready for me?” he asked.

“You tell me.”

He took his fingers from inside you and brought them to his mouth to taste. “Mmm…sie sind bereit.” He lifted one of your legs to his waist and bent his knees enough to line himself up with you, kissing you deeply as he pushed himself inside you with one hard thrust.

“Ah!” you whimpered.

“Yes, let me hear you,” he groaned. “You take me so well after all our practice,” he joked.

“I love the way you take me. Harder, please,” you whined.

“I need both legs around me.” He quickly hoisted you up, and you wrapped both legs around him. You pressed your forehead to his as he pumped in and out of you faster.

“Fuck,” he moaned. “I want you so full of me that you feel it all day.”

You looked into his eyes. “Do it, please.”

“You beg so well for me.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep yourself steady against his thrusts. “Don’t stop, König.”

“I wish I never had to,” he said. “Touch yourself.”

Something you had discovered about König is that he loved to watch you touch yourself. He looked down as you slid your hand between your slick bodies. You were sure to make sure your fingers brushed along his cock as he pumped in and out of you.

“So good for me,” he breathed. “Cum for me, beautiful. Look into my eyes.”

His eyes were your favorite thing about him. “So handsome,” you moaned.

“I can feel you squeezing me. Go on.” He pressed himself deep within you to feel you pulsing around him as you came undone.

You dug your fingers into the muscles of his back and cried out. Now that you had finished, you knew to hang onto him for dear life because he needed to finish, and you always told him not to be gentle.

His fingers dug into your soft thighs, and he squeezed his eyes shut. There was nothing more euphoric than watching him lose himself inside of you.

He moaned with every thrust and said your name and a litany of curses. It sounded like his version of a prayer, and you were the goddess he worshipped.

Suddenly, he shouted and pressed you against the shower wall hard. You could feel him filling you as he sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. He mumbled something in German against your skin before resting his head on your shoulder.

“Are you okay, my love?” you asked him.

“I am afraid to move. My legs do not feel strong enough right now.” You could feel him smile against your skin.

“How do you think I feel?” you joked.

“I can carry you,” he offered.

“We need to bathe first,” you reminded.

“Oh, yes, that’s what showers are usually for.” He chuckled. You loved his humor.

After actually showering, König insisted on making breakfast. He loved hearing what you thought of his cooking.

“I tried something different with the pancakes this time,” he said proudly. He watched as you took the first bite. “Well?”

“Delicious,” you told him, and he smiled brightly.

“I love these moments,” he said, looking at you dreamily. “We don’t have many of them.”

“That makes them so much more special,” you told him.

“You always know what to say to make me smile.”

That’s what you try to remember the most—his smile. Out on the field, he is hidden from you, and the love between you is hidden from everyone else. The only thing shared is glances here and there and subtle brushes of arms and hands. A quick ‘beautiful shot, königin’ shouted over the sound of gunfire.

“Where did you go, my Königin?” He grasped your hand and rubbed a calloused thumb over your knuckles. It was a soothing action that had you on the verge of tears.

You shook your head. “I’m just being silly.”

“The stress is getting to you again. I can tell.”

“König—”

“Come,” he said in a way that left no room for argument. He tapped his large thigh. You moved slowly to his thigh, then buried your face in his neck, his stubble tickling your cheek.

“Can we stay like this forever?” you asked.

“If it were in my power to make each of your wishes come true, I would,” he said, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“König…” You sniffled before kissing him deeply.

König sat across from you on the helicopter, which was full of a flurry of excitement and preparation. He could see your leg bouncing, and he held a hand out, silently telling you to be calm. You breathed deeply and nodded once.

How badly you wished that he could hold your hand right now. You wanted to be beside him—breathing him in, getting doused in his scent of cedarwood and petrichor.

“Königin,” he called over the comms. “Ready?”

You nodded and forced out a curt “Yes.”

Being on the cusp of life and death almost every day was frightening. All it takes is one thing to go wrong; that could be the end.

But that wasn’t what you were afraid of. You didn’t fear the darkness or death; you feared those around you dying. No matter how many times König would tell you that he would be fine, your heart ached with the fear of losing him right before your eyes.

“We might be here for a while, Königin.” His voice crackled to life in your headset, and you sighed in relief.

“Yeah,” you said quietly. He would know something was wrong by the way you responded.

“We are alone on this channel, Königin. Talk to me.” He talked in hushed tones, dulcet and soft even in this wasteland.

“I want to be with you,” you said. It sounded like whining, and you hoped he wouldn’t think you were a brat.

“I know, liebe. Me too.” He went quiet for a moment, then, “What are you doing?” he asked, which seemed a little silly.

You chuckled. “What do you think I’m doing?”

“I know, but…describe it to me,” he said eagerly.

“Prone, elbows dug in….”

“Ah, but…”

“But not too much,” you added.

“Continue.” His breathing was slow and steady, but there was a hint of desperation in his tone.

“Breathing is slow and calm.” You demonstrated for him.

“My Königin,” he said lowly. “You must look beautiful right now.”

“König…are you…”

“No! But my mind is occupied with thoughts of you lying there…so focused…that lovely bottom of yours….”

“König!” you scolded playfully.

“When we make love again, I will take you just like that. Would you like that?” he asked.

“Yes,” you breathed.

“That is all I need to hear. I will live through this just to feel you again,” he rasped.

It fell silent between you two then.

There was a heavy but comforting weight on your back—one that kept you anchored to the bed and to the earth itself. A big hand enveloped yours, and you brought it to your lips to kiss. You could taste the salty tang of sweat from exertion and passion.

König pumped into slowly whispering things in German—some things you understood and others you didn’t. Just having his voice in your ear was enough. You two were together again, and, as he promised, he was making love to you the way he said he would.

Lying prone, there was no target for you this time. The only thing in front of you was the headboard, and one of König’s hands pressed flat against it while the other moved to hold both of your hands together by the wrists.

And instead of the dark and desolate feeling of dread, you were surrounded by warmth and the comforting scent of cedarwood, petrichor, and sex.

“Ah, Königin,” König moaned against the back of your neck. “So warm, so tight.” He pressed himself deep, and you pushed back against him.

“Harder,” you whined.

“Whatever you want,” he said before thrusting into you hard. You both cried out, and a thrust punctuated each moan.

The sound of his hips against your ass was deafening in the best way. You arched your back a little more, and he groaned at the feeling of being even deeper inside of you.

Suddenly, he rolled over with a grunt, and you gasped. You were on top now, reverse cowgirl style.

“Don’t stop now,” he said breathlessly. He grabbed your ass with two giant hands and squeezed, helping you move on him.

You held onto his thick thighs to keep yourself steady as you bounced on him. The feeling was overwhelming. You had never been this full before.

“Fuck!” he groaned before sitting up and pressing his chest to your back. “I need to be close to you.”

You continued swirling your hips on him, and he put a hand between your legs so he could touch you. He found your clit with ease. You nearly fell forward when he did, but he held you close and steady with one strong arm, refusing to let go.

All those little magazine articles and even your friends would tell you that what happened tonight wasn’t possible, but you’ve found that with König, everything was possible.

You came together in a whirlwind of pleasure, pain, lust, want, and need. Love.

He cried your name loudly, whimpering into the skin of your sweaty shoulder. You cried out to him, for him, with tears in your eyes.

His thighs trembled under you, and your body went limp. After a few moments, he laid down and took you with him—staying inside you as he turned you on your side. You wriggled a bit, and he hissed.

“Cheeky little Königin, hm?” He bit down on your shoulder gently, and you giggled.

“Cheeky?”

“The English guys say it a lot,” he told you, and you laughed even harder. “Stop moving,” he grunted, holding you tightly.

“Why?” you asked, being bratty.

“Because…I am still inside you and want to stay inside you until I am ready again.”

You turned your head so you could look at him. You met his green gaze and realized that this was the first time you had looked into his eyes since the night began.

“König,” you whispered, tucking your fingers into his hair. “Kiss me.”

He touched your lips gently before kissing you, groaning as his cock grew hard again inside you.

“Who’s cheeky now?” you teased.

“Maybe I am.” He grabbed your leg from the back of your knee and put it over his before pulling out of you, then pushing back in slowly but deeply.

“Ah, yes,” you whimpered, still sensitive.

He made love to you languidly because there was no reason to rush. You two had each other for as long as forever. There was no one to hide your love from here. There was just you and him and a love that radiated from every nerve in his body for you; you felt it in every thrust, every whisper of your name, every kiss, and nibble on your neck and ear.

“Ich habe mich in dich verliebt,” he whispered, bringing tears to your eyes.

“I have fallen in love with you too.”

[angstandhappiness]

INTERESTING

@professorspork #ACHING YEARNING FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

@rubyneo #WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT TAKING THE WORDS FROM MY HEAD AND WRITING THEM DOWN#AAAOUGH#rwby9#i had to stop and take several deep breaths when neo was the one to pull the cat off of ruby#and then when ruby actually DOES succumb and falls neo just stops. freezes. is horrified#ITS MAKING ME CRAZY#what do you want to be? what are you?

@liria10 #i think just#ruby has been willing to give up for a while#and atlas pushed her over the edge (literally)#i think she'd have maybe done something similar if not in the ever after but#the ever after allows her to die narratively and then come back from the edge#to take that step and fall and hopefully... realise that death isn't really what she wants#idk there's layers there but the fact this is told through suicide is i think v narratively important#esp bc she *will* come back from this#changed and not the same ruby as before but hopefully now able to forge her own way forward#both out of her emotional struggles & the overarching salem issues

@clacing #/GOOD/ POST OP#ruby's arc in this volume makes me FOAM at the mouth.

@obfuscatedfig #the next ep is going to be SO interesting

@snowqueenofmyheart #as terrible as it was to watch this moment was also badly needed#like OP said she has to fix herself#she can't keep carrying on with this messed up ideal that's been eating her alive

@paragon-arthur #to let herself see it she has to SAY it#yes!#ruby needed to acknowledge her issues outloud so she can start healing#along with learning to heal you learn to ASK

@blakeandyangkissed #it’s about the metamorphosis…..

@the-descolada #it's fucked up!!!!!!#I love it!!!!

@hero-of-the-horn #thank you for this op#you've pulled together some threads i haven't been able to put into words#and introduced some other well done thoughts as well

@powerbottomblake #op I'm a big fan of how you take apart the v9 narrative

@lost-adrift-and-gone #hm. hmmmmm

& as heart-wrenching as it is, i think ruby being able to say the words “i don’t want to be me anymore” is also like. it’s been true for a long time, and it’s awful, but before she can fix it she had to let herself see it, and to see it she had to say it. (and i have some nascent thoughts bubbling about neo being the one who ‘saves’ her from the cat—not in the sense that neo intends to rescue her, but thematically it does matter that the character who rips the cat off of ruby’s chest is the character that the cat then eats; there’s a narrative foundation here for ruby to return the favor by saving neo from the cat. or helping neo save herself from the cat, more likely.)

(<- the villain eaten by the story and the hero eaten by the story.)

and—while the allegory is not subtle at all—that it’s coming right after an episode that overtly rejected the notion of ascension being equivalent to death and portrayed wby as heroic in their immediate unconditional support for the paper pleasers’ desire to ascend… the relative locations of these two narrative beats isn’t accidental. the tree does not kill, it resurrects. the suicide allegory hinges on the deliberate narrative uncertainty about what ruby thinks ascension is: why does she drink the tea? what is she asking for? jaune imagines death, neo annihilation, but the paper pleasers say “we are delicate. our world is very fragile. we wish to become more resilient so that we can build something that will survive.” (<- ruby promised to serve atlas and keep people safe. her predicament is the same as theirs.)

is the distinction meaningful? <- a question i somewhat expect the next episode to interrogate. i mean the answer is yes, obviously, wanting to die is very different from wanting to change, but the thematic arc up to this point has been constructed by conflation of the two through the characters’ shifting perceptions; is the tree change or is it death, is it good or bad, does it kill or revitalize. irrespective of what ruby herself thinks, she chose to ascend and the tree answered her, so the threads will obviously get teased apart as we follow what that means for her. (and for little. true ascension vs whatever the ever after can offer ruby is something i’m really interested to see.)

practically speaking, ruby can’t lose her memories—or, not forever/not completely. (i do think a scenario where like, the tree takes her memories and then reveals them to her, a very literal change in perspective, is a significant possibility. what if you could leave ruby rose behind? what if you could see her through a stranger’s eyes? what might you think of her then? the thing about shedding an old coat is you can always put it on again. and if the coat is falling apart, of course, you do need to take it off before you can stitch it back together. how literal a metaphor are we looking at here.)

likewise i doubt very much that she’s going to drastically transform. (wardrobe change, reforged weapon, brushing off her bumps and bruises, yes; radically altered physical nature, no.) largely because her physical form is fine as she is—at no point has ruby been troubled by the limitations of her body—and the transformation she needs is spiritual in nature. if it ain’t broke… and what’s broken is her spirit, her emotional well-being.

which leaves, like, okay. you don’t want to be yourself anymore. what do you want to be instead? nothing isn’t an option. the tree cannot provide nothing. (that’s what the jabberwalker is for.) there needs to be something. you can’t think of anything? not one singular thing you want to keep? not even the tiniest spark of light in all this darkness? alright. turn around and look again. tilt the mirror, look again. what do you want? what do you really want, deep down where you’ve never let anyone else see? look at that. now look again. look for what’s true in this unreal place. if you can’t see what’s in front of you, look again. what do you want to be?

[strrvnge]

Own it

Kinktober(more is coming)

Paring: Stephen Strange x reader

Summery : pure filthy smut with no plot

Warning : MDI, 18+, daddy kink, dom!stephen, sub!brat!reader, doggy style, mastrubation (f receiving), slight pussy slapping, dirty talking, p in v, ( a little bit of everything really)

Face and tits were pushed against the mattress, your ass hoisted in the air as another harsh slap landed on it making you gnaw on another pillow.

‘’Come on darling, you can take it. You always take everything daddy gives you right? Anyway wasnt it you who said you would do anything as long as you get fucked?"

You couldn't remember how long you've been in this position; naked laid down on bed, ass popping up, with his cock deep inside you, as he slapped your leaking pussy. Wetness was dripping down the sensitive flesh of your things , leaving your leaking pussy exposed to him. Your core was burning after having to ride his face for what seemed for hours, the several times you were brought to the edge only to be pushed away and then asked to start again had left you needy and leaking. Wetness was dripping down your things

‘’Answer to me baby’’, he said,his hand resting on one globe of your red, aching ass.

"Yes daddy" you shut your eyes closed preparing yourself for another slap on your swollen bum.

You knew you shouldn't have disturb him while studying but like a dog in heat you just couldn't wait for him to finish. All day long you've been walking around in sticky panties not able to think of anything else but his thick, long, cock filling you up till you can't take more. And when you got home Stephen had the audacity to just get out of the shower freshly washed, with his towels just below his V-line.

Of course you offered yourself to suck him off-you placed it more politely- but he said he had too much work, kissed your cheek and left, leaving you all wet and needy.

So after making sure Wong would be out for a couple hours, you had the brilliant idea of walking around the Sanctorum in just a pair of red underwear and his shirt on, begging for little attention.

He obviously knew what you were up to the moment you lay down on the couch with your legs up on the couch's back, putting on display your ass as your fingers ran down from your chest down to your bare stomach.

He had coughed dryly and brought the book closer to his face so it would block his view. You groaned lightly in frustration before you traced the tiptoes of your feet up and down his pants.

"Stevie" you whimpered quietly

"As tempting as you look, I told you I'm very busy. Wong needs my help on a very serious matter-"

"I need you too" you pouded and as you spread further your legs Stephen noticed the round spot of wetness that had pooled on the middle of your new lacy panties. "For a very very important matter"

"I'm not gonna repeat myself Y/N. Please stop otherwise you're not going to get what you want even when I'm done"

"Now tell me, did you really need to be such a brat? Touching things without permission?" He asked and you buried your wet from tears on the soft pillow, searching for some comfort.

Grabbing you by the hips, he raised them further up before approaching you from a different angle only to give you another hollow thrust of his, enough to make you moan but not enough to offer some sort of release.

"Say I'm sorry daddy"

"No!", you whined stubbornly. He tiltled his head and grabbing your chin he craned your head to an uncomfortable position looking at you with a frown.

"No? Are you sure kitten?" He mocked you before into one swift forceful movement he pulled out. Your jaw dropped and new tears formed in your eyes as you

Grabbing the sheets you bite your bottom lip forcing yourself to say the next words.

"Yes" you said breathlessly.

"Hm that's a shame. I suppose now have to treat you like a bad girl"

Suddenly he pushes back in the whole bed creaking as he leaned forward, straddling your ass, the thick head of his cock slams into your cervix, and forces your neck into an uncomfortable position he sloppyly kissed you drowning your sudden groan.

"You're so fucking hot when you cry kitten" he tusks before looking back at your hole that was now trying to adjust again to his size.

"Look at you stretching around my cock like the good cockslut you are it makes me wonder if you could take more"

Something sparks inside of you at the bare thought of finally finding some short of relief after being denied so many times.

"Please, please,please" you panted and grabbed the mattress harder till your knuckles turned white. You didn't care about the pain, you just needed him to touch every aching spot inside of you. With a loud groan Stephen' muscular things kept your body in place as he easily slided deeper, his body pushing yours forward.

"Oh" your weak voice came out as a screech and you were unable to form a single sentence. You knew Stephen's dick was much to handle much less from behind, offering the perfect combination of pain and pleasure.

"Fuck "He spreads your cheeks, grunting at the sight of your ass stretched around his cock. His thrusts slows the slightest so he can watch your rim struggle to take his veiny girth your nosnsense mumbling proving how out of it you had been.

You were so cockdrunk you could even speak a single word, everything vanishing from inside your head, leaving it all empty and fuzzy.

"What happened kitten what gotten you all dump and stupid?" He mocked, his voice ghostly in your ear, but before you could try and escape forward his other hand grabbed your waist pulling it against him while also bending you further on the mattress.

"Daddy" you mumbled sweetly, hiccuping quiet whines as his length reaches deeper, if possible. "S' much"

"I know baby, I know" he cooed you giving a small soothing kiss on your shoulder somehow calming your burning body."But you can take it all, can't you? Do it for daddy kitten, prove me what a good girl you are"

Taking your hand in a surprisingly gentle manner he brought it to your pussy before with both his and your middle fingers he pushed them past easily your puffy folds.

Letting out a breathy, desperate moan one finger slides in, and the abrupt thickness blooms a burning pleasure in your stomach. His thickness stretches and fills you to the brim. You can’t even think, and he knows that. “Just let daddy fuck this pussy, yeah? Don’t even have to think, just take my cock like a good girl.” he grunts listening to your needy whines turning into moans.

His low voice sent shivers down your spine but you could do nothing but simply obey. You wanted him to fill you up. You needed him to fuck you and you coukd thing of nothing else but it.

The swollen petals of your clit wrapped around his finger as he pumped it in and out your abused hole, a ring of white wetness forming around the base. Your eyes fluttered and rolled back and if you weren't lying down you were sure you'd have blacked out.

"Come on kitten, make a mess for daddy. Will you be a good girl and cum, hm?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" You moan holding back yourself from screaming.

"Will you cum on my fingers like one too?"

Your stomach tightened and before you could even realize it your high hit and you were coming on his cock and fingers drenching them like you owned them.

He hand got on top of yours, pinning it down your knuckles turning white as he pulled and grabbed the mattress with you, his cock twitching inside of you. Hiccuping his name and sweet mumbles while he groaned and cursed toegther you rode out your orgasms gliding and griding inside of you till you could feeel him deep in your stomach.

With each rough, rapid thrust your bodies moved together perfectly sync, the weight of them causing the headboard of the bed hit the wall each time with a loud bang till the wave of pleasure was seemjng to finallly wear off.

"Is everything all right up there?"

[prttydolls]

mine — e.m x you.

SUMMARY . . . eddie gets jealous seeing you with someone at the party.

WARNING(s) . . . jealousy fuck, smut, p in v, unprotected sex (dont do that.)

CHARACTER NOTES . . . fwb!fem!reader x fwb!eddie

AMORA'S NOTE . . . hehe, first eddie smut..(๑•﹏•)

IMPORTANT NOTE . . . if you have "mdni" on your account leave !! im a minor you are breaking your own boundary. wether my post is nsfw or sfw.

You were surprised when a popular student invited you to his party, no one ever invited you. You weren’t exactly popular.

What’s also weird that Eddie got an invitation too, that’s right “eddie the freak Munson” got invited into a senior party. You both decided to ditch your plans on Friday and go to the party together.

You and Eddie were something, you weren’t dating but you both slept with each other. People thought you were dating him, but surprisingly no.

You and him were just friends, with benefits..

“Fuck- I’m gonna give you the best orgasm you’ll ever have.” Eddie then, just fucked you senseless after that.

“Fuck- I’m gonna give you the best orgasm you’ll ever have.” Eddie then, just fucked you senseless after that.

“Fuck- I’m gonna give you the best orgasm you’ll ever have.” Eddie then, just fucked you senseless after that.

So yeah, friends with benefits that’s all you were. But you wouldn’t lie if you had a tiny teeny small crush on him. He was really scratch that. He is extremely attractive! You can’t blame yourself falling for him, he was just too charming but you wouldn’t tell him that, it would boost his stupid ego.

Little did you know Eddie felt the same

You wore a simple tight little red dress, Eddie’s favorite color. With light makeup, Eddie told you once to wear less makeup saying that you were prettier without it. And obviously you cherish eddie’s words and took them to heart.

You arrived at the party, seeing so many other seniors there. You kinda panicked in the inside, shit what if Eddie didn’t come and I just- embarrassed myself?

You went to the drinks table, getting some punch for yourself when suddenly- someone was behind you. You silently prayed it was Eddie, but when you turned around it was chance, the jock.

“Hey princess, all alone tonight hm?” Chance’s voice sent you shivers down your spine. “Uhm- no.. im with e-Eddie.”

Chance chuckled “eddie? That freak? You can do so much more than that 20 year old freak.”

Your blood boiled.

“Don’t call him that!” You snapped

While you were arguing with chance, Eddie arrived and saw the both of you rather close. He saw red and got pissed quickly ,and went towards the both of you.

“Y/n, we need to talk.” eddie pulled you away from chance, making him (chance) shoot daggers to eddie.

eddie dragged you into some room, that looked like someones bedroom. and he pushed you down onto the bed.

“why were you getting friendly with chance hm?”

your eyes widened “no-no! never! i wasn't being friendly with chance!” you tried to defend yourself. “i dont believe you, your a filthy whore. i know you tried getting in his pants because i wasn't there yet. you wanted to fuck him, is that what you want?” eddie harshly spat.

eddie was very harsh during sex, not that you dont mind though.

“do i need to remind you, who you belong to?”

“yes, please remind me eddie!”

he darkly chuckled and slid his hands down your waist “good choice baby..”

it was only 10 minutes of you fucking eddie, you were already cock drunk, your body filled with hickeys.

“who do you belong to hm?” eddie groaned as he thrusted into you, you moaned at the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of your pussy. “you! eddie! you! i belong to you!”

you gripped his curls as he thrusted even harder, “shit m'about to cum-”

“cum..cum in my pussy please eddie..” you said breathlessly. he bent down to kiss you, he felt your pussy clenched around his length.

that encouraged him to go faster,and faster. “fuck, im gonna cum in this slutty pussy cause its mine alright?”

you didn't respond, you were too lost in pleasure to understand what's happening.

“its mine right?!” he slapped your ass making you jolt back to reality, “yes, yes eddie its yours! not chance, or anyone just.. just yours eddie!” you said his name nonstop like it was a prayer.

he smirked, “thats right, good girl.” he kissed your jawline.

he held you in his arms, and he came inside you. his cum filling you up just right. you both moaned in euphoria.

you came right after he did, when he slid off his length he chuckled at the mess on the bed.

“well, someones gonna sleep in our cum tonight.” you both giggled as you dressed up again.

“y/n?.”

you looked at eddie, and responded with a hum. eddie looked worried.

“what is it eds?” you questioned, he sighed before saying whatever that he was hiding. “i- i love you y/n, i wanna break this off and date you for real,i cant stand you seeing with other guys and i just- im just so inlove with you. we can date with strings attached.”

your heart melted at his confession, your face heated up and you leaned into a kiss.

“pick me up tomorrow at 7.” you winked.

[caitimetravels]

she’s insignificant

chapter 2: welcome home

the umbrella academy x (fem) reader

disclaimer: i do not own the plot/storyline of the netflix tv series and i do not own the umbrella academy characters.

warnings: mentions of death, mentions of drugs and alcohol, poor parenting

masterlist

“number eight! this is serious! if you do not train properly you will not be allowed to join your siblings on missions.”

“number eight! that’s not how you behave!”

“no, number eight! how many times must you do this before you get it right?”

“no! not like that, number eight! you must be quicker, smarter, stronger! you’ll be a liability”

“no! again, number eight!” 

“number eight!”

“number eight!”

she wished it was stop. the yelling. the shouting. the insults. the pain. the training. all of it. her head hurt. she could feel the anger swirling around, growing. control. she needed control. relax.

she took a deep breath. again. again. she pushed herself over and over until she collapsed. she worked herself to the bone only to always be left with disapproving stares. the scowl. the glare. and then she was alone, forced to pick up the broken pieces and put herself together. she didn’t have her other siblings. their family dynamic wasn’t much of a family dynamic but just once she wished one of them could be there. even just to see what she was going through. it hurt that she was alone. she hated alone.

--------------------------------------------------

“um..” luther slowly stood, unsure. “i guess we should get this started” he looked around at his siblings sitting in parlour. they all sat separately with klaus making drinks at the bar in the back.

“are we having a family meeting?” y/n stepped into the room, confused. she paused as realisation crossed over their faces. “..you forgot me”

“sorry, y/n, we didn’t mean-” allison started, trying to defend them. y/n shook her head.

“no, no, don’t apologise. it’s okay.. let’s just get this over with” she waved off any concern, taking a seat beside vanya. in her lap sat a familiar book. 

--------------------------------------------------

“you’ll be okay” ben spoke softly, gently bandaging y/n’s arm. he gave her a small smile. the pair sat in the back of the library, secluded and separate. the others were too wrapped up in themselves to care. 

vanya stepped over a moment later. she frowned at the tears on y/n’s cheeks. taking a seat beside her she offered them the cookies she had stolen from the kitchen. they weren’t meant to have any until dessert but ben and vanya found this much more important. y/n sniffled, taking the cookie in her good arm. 

“thanks v” she gave a watery smile, eating a big bite of the cookie to stop the sobs about to escape her mouth. ben and vanya shared a frown over her head. 

“should we read something?” ben offered, pulling a random book off the shelf behind him. y/n merely nodded, she needed this to calm down her raging emotions. these two were the only two who understood. if her emotions went haywire so would her powers. 

“hm, little women? i didn’t think dad would have this” ben smiled at the cover. 

“pogo got it for me” y/n murmured softly, listening to her brother’s soothing voice as he read. she smiled, they were always able to calm her down.

--------------------------------------------------

“so, i figured we could have some sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown, say a few words” luther started again, “just at dad’s favourite spot”

“dad had a favourite spot?” allison asked, confused. 

“yeah, you know. under the oak tree” luther nodded, eyebrows furrowing. “we used to sit out there all the time.. did none of you ever do that?”

“will there be refreshments? tea, scones” klaus interrupted, walking to join them with a cigarette between his fingers and a glass of alcohol in his other hand. “cucumber sandwiches are always a winner” he waltzed over beside y/n who smiled at his laid-back attitude.

“what? no” luther shook his head, “and put that out, you know dad didn’t allow smoking in here” 

“is that my skirt?” allison questioned, looking down at klaus’ attire.

“what?” he mumbled distracted. he put his glass down before turning around. “oh, yeah, this. i found it in your room. it’s a little dated but its very breathy on the.. bits” he gestured.

“listen up” luther put on his leader voice, commanding as usual. “there’s still some things we need to discuss, alright?”

“like what?” diego snapped, obviously sick of this.

“like the way he died” 

“and here we go” diego rolled his eyes and luther glared at him.

“i don’t understand.. i thought they said it was a heart attack?” vanya spoke up, confused. klaus plopped down onto the couch now, wrapping his arm around y/n.

“what? he had a heart attack?” y/n’s eyebrows furrowed, she hadn’t been told that. they all looked at her, surprised.

“you didn’t know?” allison asked softly,

“no? you did?” 

“that’s only according to the coroner” luther chipped in, still pushing his theory.

“well, wouldn’t they know?” vanya raised an eyebrow.

“theoretically”

“theoretically?” allison asked.

“look, i’m just saying at the very least something happened. the last time that i talked to dad he sounded strange” 

“oh, tell us please” klaus gurgled through his drink, not at all serious. y/n would have laughed if she didn’t see the real reason luther was bringing this up. he thought one of them did it.

“strange how?” allison continued to push, incredulous. 

“he sounded on edge, told me i should be careful who to trust” luther frantically tried to convince them.

“luther” diego sighed, standing “he was a paranoid, bitter old man. he was starting to lose what was left of his marbles”

“no” he quickly shook his head, turning to him. “he must have known something was going to happen. look” he looked over at klaus. “i know you don’t like to do it but i need you to talk to dad”

klaus rolled around, disagreeing, “i can’t just call dad in the afterlife and be like dad can you stop playing tennis with hitler for a moment and take a quick call” he waved his cigarette around, sitting up and letting go of y/n.

“since when? that’s your thing”

“i’m not in the right frame of mind!”

“you’re high?” allison looked up,

“yeah, yeah!” klaus laughed, nodding his head, “i mean how are not listening to this nonsense?”

“well, sober up, this is important” klaus merely sighed, “then there’s the issue of the missing monocle” 

diego scoffed, “who’s give a shit about a stupid monocle?”

“exactly, it’s worthless” luther was only digging himself a bigger hole, “so, whoever took it i think it was personal. someone close to him, someone with a grudge”

“yes, cause that’s all we need” y/n rolled her eyes, exasperated “more grudges”

“where are you going with this?” klaus narrowed his eyes, confused.

“well, isn’t it obvious, klaus?” diego sneered up at luther, “he thinks one of us killed dad”

luther opened his mouth to deny it but nothing came out. it was true.

“and i bet your top suspect is little y/n” diego pointed a finger right at the said girl. she froze.

“what?”

“you do!” klaus sat back, shocked. 

“how could you think that?” vanya stared in disbelief.

y/n stood abruptly and everyone watched as her eyes turned black. the same way they used to when she had trouble controlling her emotions. they watched as she quickly shook her head, storming out.

“great job luther” diego mocked, “way to lead” then he begun to walk away. 

“that’s not what i’m saying” he tried to defend himself but nobody listened.

“you’re crazy man, you’re crazy.. crazy” klaus stood too, picking up his drink. vanya went to walk away, following diego.

“i’m not finished” luther attempted to stop them. 

“okay well sorry, i’m just gonna go help y/n murder mom, i’ll be right back” he commented sarcastically, walking away. 

“that’s not what i’m saying-” it was no use.

y/n curled up beside ben’s statue, book pressed against her chest. she took deep breaths, trying to regain control. her breath came out shaky as she rocked slowly. eventually she relaxed, leaning into the side of the statue. her cheek pressed against the cold concrete. with a final sigh she looked up at him. 

“hey..” she spoke softly, “i brought our book” she gave a weak chuckle, showing the statue the book she had been cradling. 

“i finished again.. should i start again?” 

diego stood in the doorway, watching her talk. he frowned, she was so sweet. it wasn’t her fault she was born with such a horrible curse. he understood why she got along so well with ben, they both hated their powers. it made training unbearable for them. she begun to read aloud, still leaning into the statue as she sat on the gravel covered floor. with a sigh he walked away, she would be okay, she just needed time. 

time didn’t heal y/n, no matter how much she wished it would. she didn’t have anybody, everybody left her. she had to get over everything all by herself. her words started to come out stuttered, her voice cracked. slowly she begun to sob, tears wetting the pages of her book. she wiped them from her face, standing up. she had to be calm.

she spared one last glance at the statue before walking away.

--------------------------------------------------

“number eight, you must always keep your emotions in check” reginald scolded, glancing up from his notebook. he scribbled something else, ignoring her watery eyes.

“b-but i can’t” she sobbed out, she was young. her siblings were allowed to show emotion why couldn’t she?

“then you are weak!” reginald snapped his book shut, raising his eyes to glare at her. the words shouldn’t have hurt as much as they did. she was never enough, she was always going to be weak. she needed to do better, to be better. to be strong. 

--

“emotions, number eight” the girl supressed her smile at the name her mother had just given her. he wouldn’t even use it. her face fell blank.

“emotions, number eight” the girl took a deep breath, no anger. nothing. you cannot feel. she closed her eyes for a moment, controlling her urge to destroy something. she opened them to see a confused diego. this wasn’t how she was meant to react, he had stolen the ring her mother had given her. she just walked away. 

“emotions, number eight” she caught ben’s eye across the table. he nodded softly. she breathed calmly, no dessert. she was weak, she didn’t deserve dessert. five frowned from beside her, looking between her and their father. something was wrong.

“emotions, number eight” reginald turned on her. she stood, hands gripping the table until her knuckles turned pale. how could he let five go? as she raised her head she heard gasps from her siblings. pogo and reginald shared a look as she glared at the latter, taking a moment to calm herself. it wasn’t working. she was struggling to keep her emotions at bay, she couldn’t supress them. “y/n..” vanya whispered as she ran from the table. she couldn’t do it. he was gone and she hadn’t stopped him.

“emotions, number eight” she couldn’t do it. not this time. she shook her head. her eyes filled with tears. she couldn’t. “number eight! emotions!” she shook her head again, all she could feel was pain. it was her fault. she let him die. her siblings must hate her. her father hates her. ben would hate her. she let him die. she watched him die. 

“number eight! your emotions!” reginald’s voice got louder and she heard herself scream. everything was crumbling. he was gone, it was her fault. “number one, do it” 

it was all.. her fault..

--------------------------------------------------

on her way to the staircase she paused. her eyes lingered on the painting. five’s painting. she felt herself move without wanting to. she stepped into the room, looking up at her brother sadly.

“i’m sorry” she frowned, “i’m so sorry, five. i shouldn’t have let you go. i should have gone after you. i’m sorry, you must be so alone and i lied. i’m sorry for lying.. i should have done better, i should have listened to dad.. i couldn’t bring you back and it’s all my fault. it’s always my fault.. i’m sorry five, i’m so sorry..” 

“sweetie?” she looked over to see grace. “who are you apologising to? did something happen to you?” the blonde robot walked over, glancing over her to see if she had hurt herself.

“oh, no, it’s okay mom” she smiled fakely, trying to reassure her mother. “i was just thinking out loud. nothing to worry about”

“oh, alright, sweetie” she smiled again, “how about something to eat?”

“i’m okay, thanks. i think i’m just going to rest” grace nodded, allowing her to leave.

she wouldn’t be okay, not until she could stop blaming herself. she took one last look at five' picture before she closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears. when she opened them she appeared in her bedroom. she quickly shut the door, locking it. at least in here she couldn’t do anymore damage.

--------------------------------------------------

“number eight” reginald’s voice was disappointed but y/n couldn’t find it in herself to care. so what if she was a failure, she had always been one anyways. “you are no longer allowed to go on missions with your siblings”

she didn’t raise her head. he wasn’t done. this is what she deserved. “you will instead be working on locating number five”

she froze, staring up at him in shock.

“what?”

--------------------------------------------------

a flash of blue light outside her window broke her out of her thoughts. she stood from her bed, glancing down at the courtyard. it couldn’t be..

[jinjinranran]

Jinae x Saeran 💗

I hc Saeran as bisexual (bcs I'm projecting lmao). He fell for mc for what kind of person they are and I really doubt their gender would be of much, if any, importance to him.

Also, what I like to think:

He's been through A LOT in his life, so his sexuality was the least of his concerns and he never really stopped to think about it. Only after he was free, maybe he had a conversation with mc about this topic and started to wonder about his identity.

And now in relation to my cmc/storyline - when Jinae told him she's bi and explained her experience, Saeran paused to think for a bit, and then said "hm... you know what? I might feel the same way.

You're the only one I care about though, my love."

...

maybe he's just mc-sexual 🤔😂

(I also very much vibe with pan and demi hcs for him I'm just casting bisexuality on my faves 😂)

Other characters: 💛 💜 🧡 💗 ❤️ 💚 💙 🤍 🤎

Jinae's story under the cut:

💗 Jinae Ahn ♡ she/her ♡ 20/21 yo ♡ bisexual

Jinae for a long time didn't think she could be anything but straight. She had crushes on boys, and had been in a relationship with one, so it didn't even cross her mind then. She did admire other women for their beauty, and in later teens, had girl friends she felt v e r y close to - looking back it was obvious that those were crushes - but she denied every thought that would imply those feelings weren't just platonic (because thinking about kissing your besties is not gay at all, am I right?). Or pushed them away to worry about later. She needed to focus on her dreams of becoming an idol, and her contract didn't allow dating anyway.

Her whole plan of pushing all suspicions away was ruined by one woman she met at 18. She completely swept Jinae off her feet, her voice and touch making her feel dizzy, her smell intoxicating - there was no point in denying any longer, and after many hours of Google searching and analyzing her whole life she realized - accepted - that she's bi.

Sometimes she wondered if all her male crushes were fake and she's actually a lesbian - but this theory was thrown out of the window by a smooth, alluring voice in her phone, introducing himself as a game developer.

She didn't fall for Ray right away. Yes, she thought he's attractive - the most beautiful man she's ever seen, even with those dark eye circles and his magenta coat, a little too big for his a little too thin frame - but Jinae is cautious with her feelings, and doesn't open her heart to just anyone.

Ray was... a fascinating individual for her. Who really was this guy, and why was he so obsessed with her? She'd lie if she said she didn't like the attention she received.

Very soon her mind was occupied with him and only him. Did he eat? Did he sleep? Or had been working all night again? I miss him. I want to hear his voice. I want to see him. Jinae wasn't sure if that's the beginning of love, or if she's just getting obsessed with him as much, or even more than he's with her. But she was certain of one thing - she wants to stay with him, no matter what's going to happen.