#hit me up if you wanna discuss this it's open for criticism

[genericpuff]

I was kind of curious: What do you think of Persephone's therapy scenes in episodes 160-161?

I personally liked them, but you and many other LO critics always seem to see things that totally flew over my head (I mean that in a positive way).

I think the idea behind them was fine, just the execution that felt really half-baked. Rachel doesn't like scenes to sit too long so the therapy scene, of course, wound up being rushed in the course of 2-3 episodes (meaning she had to have Persephone dump everything all at once) and while Persephone's dialogue is handled relatively well, the direction of the scene itself feels entirely mismanaged (which is both a side effect of Rachel's directionless writing and the fact that she clearly doesn't want to do more than one of these kinds of episodes so she needs to speedrun it).

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion concerning sexual assault ahead!

Like, let's start with Persephone's intent in going to therapy. Wanting to pursue therapy doesn't just happen suddenly, there's usually a "trigger event" to make someone realize "I need help", whether it be hitting rock bottom or even just going "I feel like I don't have the skills or tools necessary to deal with what I'm dealing with, I need a professional opinion".

Despite Eros advising her to go to therapy all the way back in S1 to address her assault-

-she actually finally goes to therapy in S2 not to address the assault, but to address... how she feels insecure in comparison to Hera who she just found out Hades had a long-term affair with??? At least that's definitely the implication.

And then of course the therapy session itself segues immediately into "Persephone is a high achiever and it's because of her mom being overbearing" which Rachel doesn't connect at all to either the SA or her feeling insecure compared to Hera (which, by the way, barely even has anything to do with her, but she didn't - and still doesn't - have the emotional maturity or self-respect to realize that Hades is a serial cheater-)

That's where the first therapy episode cuts off, and then the next episode immediately opens with Persephone writing her entire backstory on a whiteboard, so we can assume time has passed and she's talked about everything from her childhood up until this point.

Then we get Chiron asking Persephone... what could go wrong if she leaves TGOEM??

Even though we never saw any of the actual sequence so it just feels like a question that's coming out of nowhere? Like did Persephone say during that schpeel that she wanted to leave TGOEM? Isn't that something we should have seen to connect these two trains of thought?

Ah, right, because we have to get into Hades. Because this comic fails the Bechdel test so hard it can't even have a character talk about their trauma or childhood without it seguing into "well there's this one specific main character guy I just really wanna sleep with-"

Don't get me wrong, if Rachel is trying to "deconstruct purity culture" here, I can get her angle with this, if Persephone has been "groomed her entire life" to be an eternal maiden then there's clearly some thought processes about sexual attraction there that are being challenged by her attraction to Hades. But it just feels so rushed purely for the sake of getting her through her trauma and childhood problems and everything that Rachel tacked onto her backstory (in an attempt to make her seem more than just a self-insert) so that Rachel can get her back on track to sleeping with Hades, the one and only man she's clearly ever felt sexual attraction to enough to want to leave TGOEM and question her entire childhood.

And then we get this and I just-

Like first of all, again, Persephone being a complete airhead and not realizing that it has less to do with her possibly being an inadequate partner and more to do with Hades being a serial cheater who also used her as an emotional affair partner;

but ALSO the fact that the conclusion is some "eureka" moment of "you're a bad decision maker" ??? I was a fan of the comic still when this scene happened and even I went "huh?"

Like she doesn't bother to try and connect it to everything she just learned and said about her childhood and how she wants to be the "perfect daughter" who will make everyone happy, Chiron just reduces it to "oh you just suck at making decisions". As if "sucking at making decisions" isn't like, a reactionary extension of deeper problems. She's treating it as if Persephone is some "puzzle" to be solved and her being a "bad decision maker" was the answer when it's undoubtedly just one of many side effects of her upbringing. It feels like she's addressing the cough and not the virus.

Also a little off topic but-

Gotta love how we've never seen Persephone actually employ this homework from her therapist because she's constantly stapled to Hades and the only thing she cares about is his happiness. Literally, I don't think Persephone could possibly answer that question because she's never been independent enough to even learn what makes her happy - she's jumped from wanting to make her mother happy to wanting to make Hades happy but we're supposed to condemn the former and celebrate the latter.

Buuut of course we don't get her answering that question because again, Rachel can't spend more than 30 seconds on a single scene because that would demand too much writing and thought from her. So we cut to Hera having a discussion with Asclepius regarding her scars re-opening, yadda yadda.

By the time we cut back to the therapy session at the start of the next episode (that's three episodes that have been spent basically accomplishing nothing because none of the thought threads tie together in a meaningful way beyond what the audience has to assume) Chiron is conveniently wrapping things up and it's then and only then does Rachel try to actually incorporate the SA plotline that was Persephone's ORIGINAL MOTIVATION in going to therapy.

Now, the scene for the most part is fine, I don't really like how the therapy session was written leading up to it, but her describing her freeze response and how she feels guilty she couldn't "fight back" is a very real feeling that I can definitely say was well written.

My one gripe with it though - and sure, this might be nitpicky, but here me out - is this:

I don't particularly like that Chiron the therapist just found out about her patient being a rape victim - someone who's also said she doesn't like people grabbing her / touching her without her consent - and then decides the best course of action is to comfort her... while touching her.

Now I want to make it perfectly clear, it's not against the law or even the code of ethics to make physical contact between a therapist and their patient. Loads of patients have made breakthroughs with their therapists that have called for hugs and while some therapists may not be okay with it, there are definitely therapists who are who fully understand that hugs in those moments are the best thing for a person. But it's still a general boundary that is there and even with patients who aren't victims of SA, consent needs to be asked for / given.

So Chiron just... coming over and touching Persephone on the knee, while undoubtedly seen as a "warm and comforting act" by those who have had similar sessions with their own therapists or even just those who have no clue and see it on the surface level as being "sweet", really irks me, because it just seems so tone deaf to do with a character like Persephone who is supposed to be a victim of having her bodily autonomy taken away from her.

Again, it's a small criticism, and undoubtedly a nitpick in the eyes of some, but a simple "can I give you a hug?" from either Chiron or Persephone would have gone a long way in accomplishing Persephone's need for consent and bodily autonomy a lot more than just having Chiron come up and touch her leg without her consent. Please, for the love of god, let Persephone have some autonomy, asking for consent doesn't ruin the moment.

And that's pretty much it, Persephone talks about how she feels like she's tethered to Apollo, and Chiron assures her that's not the case, session over, Persephone goes outside to Hades aaaand notice how we never actually tackled that "I feel insecure because of my partner having former partners?" thing? Notice how the best we got was her talking about her fears of being an "inadequate partner" which focused entirely on her not being "enough" for Hades and being a "bad decision maker" rather than pointing out 1.) Hades' own faults in being a serial cheater that would undoubtedly contribute to her insecurities and 2.) what Persephone could do for Hades rather than what Hades could do for Persephone? It's always "I don't know if I'm good enough for him" and never "I don't know if he's good enough for me."

Yet another F-- on Lore Olympus' Bechdel test. Every single thing tacked onto Persephone's backstory is meant purely to get her with Hades - TGOEM is just an obstacle preventing her from having sex with Hades, the assault is just a framing device to show how much "better" Hades is for Persephone than Apollo, her overbearing childhood is just to show how much more "free" she is now that she's not living with her mother and is living with Hades instead, etc.

No agency, no autonomy, no character, even when it tries.

[canmom]

more on art production ~under capitalism~

reading Who Owns This Sentence?, a very engaging and fiercely critical history of the concept of copyright, and it's pretty fire. there's all sorts of fascinating intricacies in the way the notion of IP formed around the world (albeit so far the narrative has mainly focused on Europe, and to a limited extent China), and the different ideologies that justified the types of monopolies that it granted. the last chapter i read skewers the idea that the ability to exploit copyright and patents is what motivates the writing of books and research/invention, and I'll try and pull out the shape of the argument tomorrow. so far I'm only up to the 18th century; I'm looking forward to the rest of their story of how copyright grew from the limited forms of that period into the monster it is today.

it's on libgen if you wanna read it! i feel like the authors would be hypocrites to object :p

it is making me think about the differences between the making of books and other media, from (since this has been rattling around my head lately) an economic angle...

writing books, at least in the case of fiction is usually done on a prospective, spec-work kind of basis (you write your novel with no guarantee it will get published unless you're already an established author under contract). admittedly, a lot of us probably read books by authors who managed to 'make it' as professional authors and write full time - but this is not a lucrative thing to do and to make it work you need truly exceptional luck to get a major hit, or to be extremely prolific in things people want to read.

the films and games of the types most of us play are, by contrast, generally made by teams of salaried people - and thus do rarely get made without the belief it will be profitable. if you went on about your 'monetisation model' when writing a book, people would look at you funny and rightly so, but it's one of the first questions that gets asked when pitching a game.

open source software is a notable comparison here. a lot of it is done for its own sake without any expectation of profit, taking untold hours, but large free software projects tend to sprout foundations, which take donations (typically from companies that use the software) to pay for full time developers. mozilla, notably, gets a huge part of its funding from google paying for their search engine to be the default in Firefox; this in turn drives development of not just Firefox itself but also the Rust programming language (as discussed in this very enlightening talk by Evan Czaplicki). Blender is rightly celebrated as one of the best open source projects for its incredibly fast development, but they do have an office in amsterdam and a number of full time devs.

what money buys in regards to creative works is not motivation, but time - time to work on a project, iterate and polish and all that. in societies where you have to buy food etc. to survive, your options for existence are basically:

work at a job

own capital

rely on someone else (e.g. a parent or partner)

rely on state benefits if you can get them

beg

steal

if you're working at a job, this takes up a lot of your time and energy. you can definitely make art anyway, loads of people do, but you're much more limited in how you can work at it compared to someone who doesn't have to work another job.

so again, what money buys in art is the means of subsistence for someone, freeing them to work fully on realising a project.

where does the money come from that lets people work full time on art? a few places.

one is selling copies of the work itself. what's remarkable is that, when nearly everything can be pirated without a great deal of effort, it is still possible to do this to some degree - though in many ways the ease of digital copying (or at least the fear if it) has forced new models for purely digital creations, which either trade on convenience (streaming services) or in the case of games, find some way to enforce scarcity like requiring connection to a central server and including 'in-app purchases', where you pay to have the software display that you are the nebulous owner of an imaginary thing, and display this to other players. anyway, whichever exact model, the idea is that you turn the IP into capital which you then use to manufacture a product like 'legal copies', 'subscriptions' or 'accounts with a rare skin unlocked'.

the second is using the work to promote some other, more profitable thing - merchandising, an original work, etc. this is the main way that something like anime makes money (for the production committee, if not the studio) - the anime is, economics-wise, effectively an ad for its own source manga, figurines, shirts etc. the reason why there is so much pro media chasing the tastes of otaku is partly because otaku spend a lot on merch. (though it's also because the doujin scene kind of feeds into 'pro' production)

the third is some kind of patronage relationship, notably government grants, but also academic funding bodies, or selling commissions, or subscriptions on a streaming platform/patreon etc.

grants are how most European animated films are funded, and they often open with the logos of a huge list of arts organisations in different countries. the more places you can get involved, the more funds you can pull on. now, instead of working out how to sell your creation to customers who might buy a copy, under this model you need to convince funding bodies that it fits their remit. requesting grants involves its own specialised language.

in general the issue with the audience patronage model is that it only really pays enough to live on if you're working on a pretty huge scale. a minority make a fortune; the vast majority get a pittance at most, and if they do 'make it', it takes years of persistence.

the fourth is, for physical media, to sell an original. this only works if you can accumulate enough prestige, and the idea is to operate on extreme scarcity. the brief fad of NFTs attempted to abstract the idea of 'owning' an original from the legal right to control the physical object to something completely nebulous. in practice this largely ended up just being a speculative bubble - but then again, a lot of the reason fine art is bought and sold for such eye watering sums is pretty much the same, it's an arbitrary holder of an investment.

the fifth is artworks which are kind of intrinsically scarce, like live performances. you can only fit so many people in the house. and in many cases people will pay to see something that can be copied in unique circumstances, like seeing a film at a cinema or festival - though this is a special case of selling copies.

the sixth is to sell advertising: turn your audience into the product, and your artwork into the bait on the hook.

the alternative to all of these options is unpaid volunteer work, like a collab project. the participants are limited to the time and energy they have left after taking care of survival. this can still lead to great things, but it tends to be more unstable by its nature. so many of these projects will lose steam or participants will flake and they'll not get finished - and that's fine! still, huge huge amounts of things already get created on this kind of hobby/indie/doujin basis, generally (tho not always) with no expectation of making enough money to sustain someone.

in every single one of these cases, the economic forces shape the types of artwork that will get made. different media are more or less demanding of labour, and that in turn shapes what types of projects are viable.

books can be written solo, and usually are - collaborations are not the norm there. the same goes for illustrations. on the other hand, if you want to make a hefty CRPG or an action game or a feature length movie, and you're trying to fit that project around your day job... i won't say it's impossible, I can think of some exceptional examples, but it won't be easy, and for many people it just won't be possible.

so, that's a survey of possibilities under the current regime. how vital is copyright really to this whole affair?

one thing that is strange to me is that there aren't a lot of open source games. there are some - i have memories of seeing Tux Racer, but a more recent example would be Barotrauma (which is open source but not free, and does not take contributions from outside the company). could it work? could you pay the salaries of, say, 10 devs on a 'pay what you can' model?

it feels like the only solution to all of this in the long run is some kind of UBI type of thing - that or a very generous art grants regime. if people were free to work on what they wanted and didn't need to be paid, you wouldn't have any reason for copyright. the creations could be publicly archived. but then the question i have is, what types of artwork would thrive in that kind of ecosystem?

I've barely talked about the book that inspired this, but i think it was worth the trouble to get the contours of this kind of analysis down outside my head...

[thatseventiesbitch]

Do you think any of the Donna criticisms is valid? Or do you think fans are being to harsh. Also I find it cringy that some fans bleep out letters in the characters names. Like grow up

Thanks for the ask!

I think Donna, like every other character, has her flaws but I have not seen any recent discussion in the fandom about them. The "criticisms" I have seen recently are not ones I believe the show/canon supports. I don't think the newer fans are being too harsh, just inaccurate. They are coming to conclusions not based on canon, but on their own interpretation. Which is fine. It's just not my thing.

The greatest hits:

Donna thinks she's better than Eric.

No, she doesn't. There's little to no evidence of this in the series. On the contrary, Donna is one of the people in Eric's life who builds him up and helps him develop his self-confidence. She tells Eric - and others - constantly what she likes so much about him and their relationship. She doesn't take him for granted - she is obsessed with that boy! People who say otherwise are just cherry-picking (or they truly don't understand the show).

In her own words:

"You wanna know how I feel? Fine, I'll tell ya how I feel. [Opens to random page of her diary] Today at lunch I was looking at Eric when he didn't know it and I just couldn't believe how much I love him and how lucky I am to be with him." -S3E22

Donna never apologizes/the show puts her on a pedestal and acts like she never does anything wrong.

Simply not true. Donna is actually shown to be very reflective and can own her part in conflict (especially with Eric). Just off the top of my head:

S2E20 "Kiss of Death", she and Eric have a conversation where she admits she overreacted and explains why she thinks she did

S2xE6 "Vanstock", she admits she overreacted and tells Eric he's a really great boyfriend

S4xE7 "Uncomfortable Ball Stuff", she apologizes to Eric at the end of the episode and they both agree to figure out their new normal

S4xE27 and S5xE1, she apologizes to Eric for Casey and her role in their conflict all season

S6xE21 "5:15", she admits Eric was right about Mitch and goes to support him in fighting him

S6xE18 "Do You Think It's Alright?", at the end of the episode she admits Eric was right and forks don't matter, she just got all caught up in the wedding stuff and trying to follow the book but she's just doing that because she feels lost and overwhelmed

I could literally just keep going on and on and on! (One thing about me, is I'm gonna bring receipts 😂)

Donna's a bad friend to Jackie.

I do think Donna misstepped at points throughout her friendship with Jackie, but I also take into account how difficult it can be to be Jackie's friend and the kind of friendship Jackie returned to her.

For instance, Donna did tell Jackie that her relationship with Kelso was unhealthy and that she deserved better. Jackie straight up did not want to hear it, and insulted Donna for telling her the truth. Donna didn't initially want Jackie to move in during season 6 but look at why that might be. Jackie moved in and insisted Donna accommodate her (loud ABBA music to feel the vibration on the bed, anyone? 😂), read her diary and left mean comments in the margins, painted her own name on the bedroom wall, etc. Is that all for humor? Of course. Does it help me understand why Donna wouldn't want Jackie to move in with her? Yes. And in the end what happens? Hyde confronts Donna about the situation Jackie is going through and why Donna made her feel small by asking her to move in the way that she did, and Donna reflected upon the situation and changed her mind, did the right thing to help her friend.

I also think far too much is made of her being impulsive and/or destructive when she's under stress.

Yes, she responded to one isolated stressor (the disintegration of her parents' marriage) with those traits - the skipping school and failing classes for attention, making risk choices with Casey, etc. But I would argue that's not Donna's MO, it's not how she always or even usually responds to stress - by blowing up her whole life and making risky choices. For instance, when Eric didn't show up to the wedding. She was pissed and sad, but she sought comfort from her mom - she didn't go on a bender, run away from town, sleep with someone random, marry a stripper *cough, cough*. That's not how we see her respond when she briefly thinks she's pregnant. It's not how we see her respond when Eric decides to go to Africa. Etc.

Anyway.

In the case of Ms. Pinciotti, there's also a small but persistent faction of fans who think Eric can do no wrong and is some tragic victim, and Donna, of course, perpetuates poor Eric's persecution. I've always suspected that kind of attitude is rooted in internalized misogyny. But I don't think we need to open that big ol' can of worms on a lovely Friday afternoon. 😆

*I don't think I've seen the bleeping out of characters' names. I am not sure why one would do that?

[teruthecreator]

(tw for racism, pedophilia, transphobia, child impregnation mention)

yeah idk why y'all read this

i was originally going to just post this and have some tags with my reasonings, but i realized that opens me up to too much bullshit from people who may think i'm being unnecessarily mean or whatever. so i'm going to explain exactly why the screenshots above are something i hold issue with.

firstly, and i just want to get this out of the way, this post is not intended to be a hit piece against the creator. i've seen how she reacts to any mild-mannered or slightly joking criticism, so i know this post is probably going to not land well. but it isn't my intention to make her mad or anything--she's writing a piece of content for the internet, which means she is just as open to criticism as any other poster. and what i intend to go into in this post is criticism. i'm allowed to do this, as that is the nature of the internet. people are allowed to critique whatever they please, and if you don't want critique then you shouldn't post. simple as!

i am also making no attempts to posit myself as better than the creator. i'm not doing this for clout or moral superiority or any of that dumb shit. i simply want to discuss something that's been bothering me for a bit, while simultaneously warning people who haven't read this yet (who may be sensitive to the issues above) to steer clear. if things like casual racism or transphobia aren't properly tagged, then readers who are affected by such things run a risk reading this! same goes with people who are triggered by lewd content involving minors. i wanna make sure people are getting a more critical scope of this work than what has been hoisted up by others.

okay, now that i've gotten that out of the way, i'm going to get into my points.

firstly, the subtle and not-so-subtle racism throughout this fic, especially in relation to serizawa. i'm white, so there is only so much i can speak on without trampling over the words of other fans of color, but some of this feels so blatant it's odd it hasn't been noted earlier. it's important to note before i go into it that serizawa is specifically written as half-black half-japanese for this fic, in case the screenshots don't make it abundantly clear. but there are just too many moments of casual racism in this fic. i'm not talking about the plot point of serizawa being bullied as a kid for being mixed; i'm not mixed, so i can't speak on the accuracy there but it is well-known that black people face a lot of racism in japan. i'm talking about how it seems everyone else has these racist moments that aren't acknowledged by serizawa or the narration as being bad.

reigen hypothesizing over serizawa's exact ethnic background is just strange. yes he's a fairly observant guy (he has to be, with his job), but there is no canonical evidence to suggest he would immediately jump to theorizing whether serizawa is american or not. and the way it's posed in that first quote--"he has darker skin and the kind of hair texture that would likely indicate African ancestry"--is not great. that's an extremely inappropriate way to bring up someone's race. i don't think most people would stare at someone and be like "hmmm well your nose shape and hair texture would suggest you're of this race". it's racial essentialization that is only slightly covered up by the excuse of "oh he tweets in english". there are some other smaller moments of questionable wording, like calling serizawa's afro "sloppy" when it isnt (which btw there's another issue with the creator only referring to an afro as a "fro". it's a hairstyle; you're allowed to use the actual name of it). even if reigen cuts his hair in canon, he never states it's because serizawa's afro looks sloppy. (also there's something to be said about the casual racism baked into making your employee cut his natural hairstyle for a job, as that is a very real issue many black people face when wearing their natural hair or even protective styles in the workplace.)

i'm especially bothered by toichiro's very casual racist remarks. toichiro in this fic is a general bother of mine (most of which can be boiled down to "he would not fucking say that"), but the way she chooses to characterize him in relation to serizawa feels gross. calling a black man a slave should be a very obvious red flag, but also saying serizawa (again, as a black man) has a "brutal masculine appeal" is also extremely stereotypical and racist. and really there is just no need for it; toichiro's actions in canon prove how shitty of a guy he is without the need for him to be racist (along with other things i'll get to in a bit). as my girlfriend put it: he doesn't need to be a member of the fucking kkk to show he's a bad guy.

there's also, again, the very casual racist remark of calling serizawa a "dog". i don't care if that isn't the intent; when you are writing a character of color you need to be aware of your wording, even in insults (unless she intended to make tsuchiya racist, which i don't think she did).

secondly, the eugenics/child pregnancy bit. it is surreal to even have to write this, but i seriously do not understand the purpose of either of these bits in the story. they are so minor yet so jarring you can't help but wonder why they're there. once again, i do not think you need to have toichiro doing esper eugenics just to prove he is an evil guy. he has nuance, and by making him casually reference child pregnancy (like that isn't an INSANE thing to say) reduces that nuance to nothing. that's the only reason i could see why that bit was included: to make toichiro look worse. but, even still, the author is running the risk of potentially triggering victims of csa or people who don't want to see that by not properly tagging the mention of it (or, at the very least, warning readers in the intro notes). the only other explanation for it would maybe be shock factor??? but that's a pretty shitty thing to use for shock factor, if i'm honest. also the fact that the esper eugenics was referenced again in a more recent chapter just has me very disturbed and confused. there isn't a canonical explanation for why we see less espers who are women than espers who are men, but that doesn't mean we need to jump to fucking Eugenics. it's weird!

thirdly (and this is probably one of my biggest problems and the main reason i wanted to make this post), the weirdly lewd/sexual language shou uses constantly, along with referring to reigen as a pedo or a creep at several points. frankly, i think it's pretty fucking gross for someone in their near-40's to be writing a 12-year-old talking so casually about sex like that's normal. which, i'm sorry, but it's not. yes, teens know about sex and like to joke about lewd shit. but a 12-year-old is not about to make references to a grown man's virginity. 12-year-olds draw dicks on their desk bc they think it's funny. 12-year-olds say the word "buttfuck" because it has the words "butt" and "fuck" in it, and those are the two funniest words on earth to a kid that age. i literally do not understand the purpose of having shou be so lewd all the time. for one, it doesn't make sense for his character. shou is shown time and time again to be extremely mature for his age, but that maturity extends to shit like assembling a counter-terrorism unit and extending a hand to his father to allow him to try again. and even then he's still just as naive as any other kid his age! the omake where he's telling his guys to go to the "far right corner" based on ritsu’s advice proves that he still has plenty of blindspots that are indicative of his age. leaning into this raunchy, lewd version of shou is just weird. and, again, i think it is made a bit weirder given the author's age!!! not ageshaming or whatever--i'm 23 and i write fanfic, clearly i cannot judge there--but it is just extremely inappropriate in my opinion. also having shou be more versed in sextalk than serizawa is odd too and speaks to a larger issue of serizawa's infantilzation throughout this fic, but that's something i can get into in another post if people want an explanation.

also, the way she constantly calls reigen a creep and even has him being accused of being a pedophile during the twitter cancellation is extremely inappropriate when, again, there is NO CANONICAL BASIS FOR THIS! everyone just calls him a fraud and a scammer during separation arc; there is never a reference to reigen being seen as a pedophile in that arc. and, yes, while there are versions of mob psycho where reigen is very clearly written as a creep (looking very specifically at the netflix adaptation), that doesn't mean it's good. honestly, the creep mentions all just feel like really poor jokes that do not land in the slightest.

finally, the transphobia (aka WHY IS SHIMAZAKI A CHASER). i literally do not know what else to say other than: why? why is this a thing? why is he a chaser? what is the purpose of this? is it a joke? i feel like it's supposed to be, but seeing as the author is cis i don't think that's a joke she should really be making. it not only comes out of left field, but it's just kind of a weird thing to ascribe to a character for no reason. not to mention, it's uncomfortable! trans women deal with enough creepy antics from cis men in real life--why must they be accosted by this guy too? it's just weird and uncomfortable.

i wanna round out this post by saying, once again, that i'm not trying to attack anyone with this post. but i do hope people come away from this with a new perspective on this work, and maybe think twice before recommending it uncritically to someone. to the author specifically, i hope you can read my post without rage or indignance blinding you. i might be a little blunt or rude in parts, but it's only because i'm passionate and i don't mince my words when it comes to things i'm passionate about. to the readers, understand i am not judging you for reading this fic without noticing these things. your own life experiences will give you certain blindspots and there's nothing wrong with that. i have plenty of blindspots of my own! it's what makes us human.

there is more i could say, but this post is long enough. i ask that if you come to me in my inbox or in dms about this that you treat me with respect, as i will do that for you. writing something like this took a lot out of me, as i'm usually not so open about my opinion on shit like this.

have a good day :-)

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Training

The Lan juniors are practicing archery when Wei Ying stumbles upon the Cloud Recesses' training grounds in his aimless walk around the place. He observes for a bit, at first.

Sizhui's stance is nearly perfect, he recognizes and corrects his own mistakes easily and does not seem bothered about missing shots. Lan Zhan's hand is so obvious that Wei Ying finds it endearing.

Lan Jingyi, however, is growing increasingly frustrated. His shots are powerful and quick but he doesn't score as many points as he would like, muttering to himself about whatever he could be doing wrong. He seems more focused on the target rather than his stance and it shows the more he misses.

"Straighten your shoulders, Jingyi." Wei Ying intervenes, "And lower your elbow a little, you'll shoot too low."

He picks up a bow and arrow - how nostalgic, he thinks - and demonstrates the correct stance, smiling to himself as he releases the bow string and hits bullseye.

"Wow..."

"Why do you look so surprised? Don't you know I won the archery competition at the last discussion conference in Qishan? I even beat Hanguang-Jun and Zewu-Jun!"

"Hanguang-Jun told us once, he said you were the best archer of your generation." Sizhui says, and Wei Ying can't help a laugh.

"Lan Zhan thinks I'm the best in everything, and I think he is. We have this back and forth constantly and we've made zero progress on it."

"Uncle Wen Ning said he used to do archery as well."

"Yup! Honestly I think he was among the best, he just never got the chance to shine..."

It's bittersweet to remember - Wen Ning, young and alive, so incredibly skilled but just as anxious. If Wen Chao had minded his business, everyone would have been able to see the true potential that lay within the shy boy. It all went to hell far too soon for Wen Ning to garner the respect and admiration he deserved.

"Anyway," Wei Ying continues, "what are you guys training for?"

"Our own archery competition!" Sizhui responds, eagerly. "The invitation to the discussion conference mentioned they'll hold one this year and Zewu-Jun picked us as representatives for the Lan sect!"

Nie Huaisang always seemed to like watching archery, Wei Ying thought to himself. I wonder why.

"So what's the prize?"

"A war fan."

"A war fan?"

"Yeah!" Jingyi gesticulates at about half his height and opens his arms wide. "It's about this big, and you can fly on it and stuff."

"I didn't even know such things existed..." Wei Ying replied. "Much less that the Nie would have them. But then again... a very surprising sect if I've seen one!"

Lan Jingyi picked up his bow again. "I wanna win it so I can fan Jin Ling away when he's being annoying."

Wei Ying chuckles at the image. "He won't be participating, right? Since he's a sect leader now."

"No, but he would have stood no chance anyway." And Lan Jingyi pointedly misses the target when he tries shooting an arrow all arrogantly. Wei Ying barely holds in his laugh and Sizhui sighs fondly before hitting his own target right in the middle.

"Say, Sizhui," Jingyi begins, pleadingly, "if you win, will you give me the fan?"

"Remember what Hanguang-Jun told us, do not receive praise for deeds you haven't done yourself-"

"-and do not accept criticism you do not deserve." Jingyi completed. "But I don't want the praise, I just want the fan!"

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I’m team william and kate definitely, but lately I’ve been assessing things to kind of get in the bottom of things and understanding where it all went wrong. I like to be more nuanced in viewing these people. I think some people can get carried away with viewing them in the worst way possible. While I do see Harry and Meghan as very problematic people, I wanna be careful about getting into batshit crazy conspiracies. Reading about all the conspiracies sugars have about kate’s condition opened my eyes a bit. There are a lot of people who hate h&m that actually sound as crazy as the sugars, but the difference is their conspiracies are directed towards h&m instead of w&k.

That being said, all the stuff with Christian Jones and Dan Woottoon seem shady to me, but tbh I don’t really fully understand what everyone’s been saying lol. But tbh, if Christian Jones asked Omid for Finding Freedom excerpts in order to bury the affair rumors, I don’t think that’s throwing Meghan under the bus exactly. We all know from the Jason Knauf emails that Finding Freedom was viewed by the KP comms team and Harry and Meghan as a way for them to correct narratives, so using excerpts from Finding Freedom to bury the affair rumors is like using positive Meghan stories to bury rumors about William that may or may not be real. So in a way, Christian Jones was just doing his job in a hitting two birds with one stone kind of thing by protecting two of his bosses in different ways. Idk, does that make sense?

It does, you make a lot of sense.

Scobie's issue seems to be two-fold:

He isn't as objective in his reporting of the royal family as he claims to be. Which is fine - everyone has a bias and a perspective that influences the way we see and interpret things. Where Scobie gets into trouble is by telling us he's completely objective, but not ID'ing who his sources are and telling us to "just trust me" instead.

He's right there in the thick of everything going on. To use a Superb Owl analogy, Scobie can only see the linebacker right in front of him, while we're up there in the sky box with a vantage point to see all the players, all the refs, all the coaches, and we're getting the commentary and analysis.

Both of these go hand-in-hand and affects how Scobie sees things. His experience of being welcomed by the Sussexes while being pushed away by the Cambridges, and similarly seeing the Cambridges push the Sussexes away at the same time, makes him more sympathetic to the Sussexes. He's more inclined to see things through their eyes because he has the same experience. And again, there's nothing wrong wtih that. It's human nature to bond over shared experiences. Where Scobie takes it too far is by refusing to consider other explanations, especially ones that are outside what he saw for himself. Maybe he doesn't see them because he's right there in the thick of things, or maybe he sees it as spin from the opposing side.

I do think you're doing the right thing, anon, to take a more critical approach to royal-watching. Royal-watching, like all hobbies and fandoms, is a spectrum that runs the gamut from toxic extremes to indifferent neutrality. Figuring out how you like to look at these things and doing the work to find where you fit in on the spectrum can make it a little more enjoyable, because then you're around more like-minded people and the discussions and the conversations are more open, especially and particularly when you disagree.

I like nuance too (in case you haven't figured it out yet) and I like looking at things critically. For me, the world has more colors than black and white, and there are more options than a binary either/or solution. I admire the people whose convictions are so strong that everything fits neatly into an either/or model, but I know I could never be like that. I'm too fascinated by "well, if I turn my head this way and if I sit down and I squint, does it change anything?" And sometimes it does. It's why I like reading the royal books; sometimes I learn new things that change how I think. For instance - Sally Bedell Smith's 2017 book on then-Prince Charles changed my perspective on Charles. Scobie's chapter on race in Endgame made me see that he does genuinely care about the firm needing to look like the people it serves and he isn't only doing it for the headlines or because he's in Meghan's pocket - and if that makes me a sucker, so be it.

[sols-wild-ride]

Bad Music Bracket Round 3 and 4

Double elimination time! This week we have two match ups going at the same time! This week, we have to pick who is worse of two brackets:

At a Medium Pace by Adam Sandler vs Buddy Holly by Weezer

and

Craftycorn Song by BENJIXScarlet vs Points of Authority by Linkin Park

If this does not work out, then I will try to go back to individual matches, but I do want to try and speed through the brackets. I feel no issue doing that with these two match ups at the same time.

Judge's takes below

Sol's Picks- At a Medium Pace and Points of Authority

These match ups are being done at the same time because these are match ups of Hydrogen Bombs vs Coughing Babies.

I went with Points of Authority for the round 3 pick, not because it is worse than the Craftycorn song, but for the sanctity of the bracket. Craftycorn feels like a nothing song, and it moving forward would be an insult to other songs. It would be like voting for Bucket Head in an election. Points of Authority at least is more interesting to discuss and criticize, especially since everything in Hybrid Theory sounds the goddamn same and is so juvenile.

I have never liked Adam Sandler so him moving forward is an act of spite. Also, Buddy Holly is not a bad song.

Matt's Picks- At a Medium Pace and Craftycorn

Mr. Sandler, what you sang is one of the most insanely idiotic songs I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent music were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone here is now dumber for having listened to it. You get my vote for worst song and may God have mercy on your soul.

I’m too old for Craftycorn Song to have any relevance in my life. Give me back my aux cord, we don’t wanna hear that weird shit no more.

Adam's Picks- At a Medium Pace and Craftycorn

My vote goes to the Adam Sandler song because I like Buddy Holly. Opening your song with “What’s with these homies dissing my girl?” is the equivalent of putting “If you don’t like anime, you can swipe left” in your dating profile. You’re gonna push a lot of people away, but the ones that stay are the ones you know you’re gonna vibe with.

Have you ever been in a room where an extremely online person makes a meme reference in front of a bunch of normal people?

That’s what the Crafty Corn song felt like. I don’t understand what’s going on and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

Joe's Picks- At a Medium Pace and Craftycorn

I can understand how someone would find Buddy Holly grating, but to me it’s a pretty enjoyable song that sits comfortably in its position among the other passable radio rock of the mid 90s and its greatest fault is being overplayed as a radio hit and meme. At a Medium Pace is essentially 3 minutes of painfully attempting to squeeze comedy out of describing unusual sex acts in Adam Sandler’s warbly comedic voice set to fairly bland romantic ballad music. The joke which had very little steam to begin with, doesn’t really have any meaningful pay off and ends up falling very flat. While I’ll admit to having a nostalgia for Adam Sandler’s comedy from my youth, this song can be left in the past. 

There’s really not much to say about Crafty Corn; the song’s flow is whack, lyrics are repetitive and dull, and the chorus is grating, with one of its only high points being its graciously short run time. Points of Authority is otherwise very much a Linkin Park song, maybe a middling song of theirs, but if you like their rock rap style you’ll probably be fine with it. But the Crafty Corn Song is just really not particularly enjoyable to listen to at all. It felt as though it was a really shallow and shameless cash grab based on some trendy thing kids were enjoying and a cursory search of the artist seems to confirm that, and is best left ignored and forgotten.

[avtrr]

#AVTRR. a PRIVATE and SELECTIVE indie multimuse from James Cameron's Avatar. loved by Ana Lee. Muses include Jake, Neytiri, Kiri and Mo'at but I may add more in the future. LOW ACTIVITY. THIS BLOG USES THE BETA EDITOR

links : about / muses. / memes. / promo. / wishlist.

rules under read more

Rules (Mobile)

Hii! I'm Ana Lee 28 y/o (she/her) and I have been rping since 2010, but started writing on tumblr in 2018. I also write at @skysnipsw, my dual muse sw blog and since avatar is my new hyperfixation, i decided to make this blog. Feel free to hit me up any time, I'd love to get to know new writing partners and make new friends! I'm brazilian and my timezone is UTC -3 so english is not my first language, but i consider myself to be fluent (though mistakes are still bond to happen sometimes as nobody is perfect)

   • This blog is 18+     as it will explore mature themes such as violence, war, death, xenophobia, trauma, and others. For your own safety, minors DNI.

   • SPOILERS:     I've seen Avatar: The Way of Water so spoilers are going to be present. And please try and keep me out of drama, I’m here to write and have fun with friends, not get myself involved in drama.

   • NO HATE, NO DRAMA.     I won’t tolerate any kind of hate in this blog. Be it against the Avatar franchise or against any group of people, it will be met with an instant block. Also please try and keep me out of drama, I want this place to be chill for everyone.

• COMMUNICATION IS KEY.     If you have any problems regarding threads or if I upset you for any reason, please let me know what I did wrong so I can avoid doing that again! I have no way of knowing what I did wrong if you don’t tell me. I’m not a perfect person and everyone commits mistakes and I’m a very chill person, I’m always open to discuss things peacefully and I’m always open to constructive criticism either because I’m always seeking to improve, both as a roleplayer and as a person. So, if I did something that upsets you, just come talk to me and we’ll solve issues together, okay? Don’t be afraid, I promisse I don’t bite! I just ask that you be mature and please don’t start any dramas. I’m not here to pick fights, I just wanna have fun rping with friends.

   • BASIC RP RULES.      No godmodding/powerplaying/metagaming, controlling my muses without permission etc. I control my muses, you control yours.

   • FOLLOWING.      I'm selective and private, meaning I'll mostly interact with mutuals. If I follow you, it means that I am interested in writing with you, but I may be too shy to make first approach, so don't be afraid to hit me up! But if you don't have an interest in writing with me, I ask that you please block me, there won’t be any hard feelings on my part. This is to avoid any awkwardness like me trying to reach out to you but you’re not following me back. I’ll totally understand if you do.

• MAINS/EXCLUSIVES.      I don't do exclusives since I like to give everyone's portryal a chance and every portrayal is unique in itself and I love interacting with multiple versions of the same character and seeing how different they can be from each other. However, if we write/talk a lot together and are friends enough, we can be MAINS and even AFFILIATED! Just let me know if you wish to become a main, however, keep in mind that we need to write/plot a lot and be friends for me to consider this possibility.

   • OC/CROSSOVERS/DUPLICATES.      OCs are always welcome, but I ask that you have at least an about page so I can read about your character beforehand. I won't accept any kind of pre-established relationship between OCs and my muses, unless it's discussed previously. I'm also DUPLICATE FRIENDLY as I love seeing other interpretations of the same muses. CROSSOVERS are aways welcome too as I love them! Even if I don’t know your fandom, I’m always willing to interact and learn about it.

   • REBLOG KARMA.      PLEASE, REBLOG MEMES, MUSINGS PSAS AND ETC FROM THE SOURCE!!! Unless the source is unavailable. It kinda clogs my notifications and it’s also a bit disappointing to see a notification expecting a reply to see you just reblogged a meme/psa from me. I’m not a meme source. If you intend to reblog a meme from me, please have the courtesy to send one in.

   • PERSONALS.      You are free to follow me as long as you respect my rules, however, I’ll only follow back RP Blogs to keep my dash clean and easier to deal with. DON’T REBLOG MY THREADS! This can be very annoying for me and my rp partners, so if you like a thread, just click the like button, but don’t reblog it! You are also free to interact with my character by sending asks! Asks are always welcome, but please be respectable when you send them. If I receive offensive ones, I’ll block you. Also DO NOT SPAM ME WITH LIKES. Any personal blogs that starts to spam like my posts will be blocked without a warning as this clogs my notifications and is very annoying.

   • PLOTTING.       I am always open for plotting, so hit me up whenever you want for plotting, or gushing over muses, you won't be bothering me 💙

  •  MEMES.       Ask memes and prompts don't have an expiration date, feel free to send me them whenever! And also feel free to turn any answered asks into threads. 

  •  TRIGGERS.       This being an Avatar blog, it will contain heavy topics such as depictions of violence, gore and other material that may disturb some people, but everything will be tagged accordingly. Potential triggers are tagged as "trigger tw". Please feel free to ask me to tag anything specific.

As for myself, I don’t have triggers per se, but those things make me very uncomfortable and I’d like them to be tagged for me. They include: : irl images of cockroaches and other insects/aracnids, irl images of gore and abuse, detailed descriptions of rotting corpses, incest, pedophilia, zoophilia, rape, daddy kink, smut, and explicit sexual content. I ask that you please tag those accordingly.

  •  MUSE ≠ MUN.       THE MUSE’S ACTIONS/THOUGHTS/OPINIONS DO NOT EQUAL MINE!

  •  SHIPPING.      Some muses in this blog will only be romantically shipped with certain characters (ex. Jake will only ever be shipped with Neytiri and vice-versa) so keep this in mind when reading the muses pages. If you want to discuss a ship, feel free to hit me up! 

This blog contains some underage muses. I will not ship them with any characters over the age of eighteen nor will any sexual nsfw be present on this blog involving them. 

I will also NOT ship Kiri x Spider romantically. Due to the Westermarck Effect hypothesis, she sees spider as her brother and therefore, has no romantic attraction towards him. 

SMUT. I don't write explicit smut as I’m aroace and sex repulsed. I can tolerate dirty jokes and innuendos for comedy purposes however, as long as they’re MODERATED. It goes without saying that I will NOT accept anything of that sort regarding my minor muses. If I see any sexual asks or memes being directed at my underage muses, it will be met with an instant block.

 •   CONTACT.      Feel free to talk to me any time, my IMs are always open for talking and plotting. Discord is under request, and I also RP in there, so if you want my discord, just ask me.

  •  ACTIVITY.       My activity may vary, but I'm usually slow and low activity, as I work during the week and study at night, so please be patient with me. I also run other rp blogs here and I have the worst attention span ever. I’ll get to starters and replies, it can take a while, but I’ll get to them eventually, I just ask you to be patient. I have literally replied to asks and threads months after they’ve been sent to me, sometimes I reply fast, it all honestly depends on my muse for writing. I’m also an artist, I draw and do commissions and writing is a hobby. I AM NOT FAST. If I am fast, it’s honestly depends on my mood and inspiration.

  •  FIGHT THREADS.        I’d rather avoid writing them cause I really suck at them, buuut if it’s necessary for the development of the thread, please discuss it with me first. I am also open to death threads, HOWEVER, DO NOT KILL MY MUSES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! Please discuss it with me first.

I guess it's all for now, thank you for reading! If you have any questions feel free to ask me!

[dialhforhorrorpodcast]

M3GAN Review

Listen here

So back in November of 2022, a trailer for a movie went completely viral on twitter and a new horror icon was born. Or more like a new LGBTQ+ queen emerged from the fire. The trailer itself wasn’t what got everyone talking. It was one part in particular. One part where our new slasher decides to stop and dance before going after one of her victims. You can call it the Dance Seen ‘Round the World. 

The movie was greenlit for a sequel before it was even released. There was a marketing ploy where women dressed as this new slasher, went places, and did the now iconic dance. SNL did a skit about the sequel where our new queen was partying in a gay bar who openly supported the chaos she brings. There’s even been whispers that we’ll see our dancing queen in her own house at this year’s Halloween Horror Nights event at Universal Studios. But aside from the totally out of place dance sequence, does this movie and its new slasher actually deliver?

If you haven’t figured it out from that description, the movie I’m talking about today is the movie about everyone’s newest favorite killer doll, M3GAN. M3GAN absolutely took off before the movie even hit theaters because of a short scene of her dancing (which was filmed as a joke, but left in because clearly, they know what fans wanna see). It dragged all different types of people to the theater to see it when it came out in January of 2023 and has received praise from critics and audiences alike. Directed by Gerald Johnstone and starring Allison Williams of Girls and Get Out fame and Violet McGraw from the Haunting of Hill House, it quickly became a cultural phenomenon and M3GAN’s sick moves made her a… gay icon? I don’t know. I feel like we’re grasping at straws here sometimes!

However, I feel like it’s a movie that’s been vastly overhyped. It’s not necessarily a bad movie. It’s a predictable slasher film retelling a story we’ve heard before. It does well in its serious moments, has some chuckles, but overall, it depends on who you watch it with. On its own, it’s a subpar horror flick with nothing new to add to the genre, but watching it with the right people can take this generic horror flick and elevate it to absolute riot. Which I guess could be said about any film, but I feel this more so with M3GAN. It’s built to be watched with friends - preferably enthusiastic gay ones who’ll offer color commentary to all of M3GAN’s antics. That’s not me trying to be rude or anything. I don’t think that they knew when making the film that us gays would latch on to it like we did with the… Babadook for some reason. Again, why? But it definitely feels like something they knew would inevitably happen.

But I don’t wanna get too ahead of myself. So, what I’m gonna do is break this blog down into two parts. Part one will be me summarizing the movie itself and part two will be me discussing why I think this movie is overrated. If you haven’t seen this film yet, it’s on Peacock now and there’s an unrated cut which I will be discussing as well. Go ahead and watch the movie, then come back and read!

Without further ado, let’s boot M3GAN up and see what she’s all about!

Part 1: I Am Titanium!

Before I go into the summary, I’d like to state that the unrated cut of this film is utterly pointless. There are no new scenes added and even the gore that they did have to me didn’t seem to warrant the title of “unrated” as it’s typical gore you’d see in any standard R-rated horror flick. At most, they added a lot more F-bombs. That was pretty much it. I was expecting something much gnarlier for it to be considered something they couldn’t release as it was to theaters. To me, the unrated cut is definitely a marketing ploy to get more seasoned horror fans to watch the movie in case they might’ve sat this one out. Not worth the watch really unless you absolutely need to see a child get their ear ripped off.

Anyways, this movie starts out with a commercial. No seriously. It opens with a commercial for a toy called the Purrrfect Petz with a z. Basically a riff off the Furby monstrosities that existed in the 90s and early 2010s. You can talk to them and they talk back, feed them and they… poop. It’s just very obviously supposed to be a callback to that era in time. From there it cuts to a family of three driving in heavy snow. The daughter - McGraw’s Cady - is playing with her Purrrfect Pet on her iPad while the parents argue about her having too much screentime. The mother even makes a comment about what the point of the toy is if you have to use an iPad to play with it. They’re arguing so much that the father starts to veer off the road. They decide to stop and wait out the worst of the snow before finding a place to pull over and wait for a snowplow to come through. Just as the father asks when that will be, a snowplow appears in front of them and rams right into the car before cutting to a title screen.

We then head to the toy company, Funki, to meet Williams’ character, Gemma, as she and her colleagues are trying to come up with a new prototype of the Petz toy to present to their boss. One of the colleagues comes in with a box revealing that it’s skin for the new toy they’re working on. They put the skin on the toy and start running tests on it when their boss, David, comes in asking them where the new prototype is. Gemma decides to show him how far she’s gotten with the toy they just put skin on, but when she does, the toy malfunctions with its head exploding. David reiterates that he wants the Petz project done by Friday or they’ll be in a lot of trouble. Shortly after that, Gemma receives a call. It turns out that the woman in the opening sequence was Gemma’s sister and she and her husband died in the snowplow accident. However, Cady survived. Gemma is granted custody of her niece and takes Cady home.

Gemma is clearly shown to not be mother material. She doesn’t have a dedicated space for a child and tells Cady, as she’s attempting to play with her collectables, that they’re not toys. After getting her settled in, Cady asks Gemma to read her a story to which Gemma mentions that she doesn’t have any children’s books, but downloads one on her phone for her. The passage of time is not very clear between this scene and the next one. We know it’s been a few weeks since Cady’s hospital stay and her coming to live with Gemma, but when the therapist comes to see her, it’s not clear how much time has passed. 

I have a few issues with the therapist in this movie. First off, when she comes to the house, she doesn’t introduce herself. She just assumes Gemma should know who she is. Without the context of whether or not Gemma has seen her, it doesn’t make Gemma look incompetent. If someone knocked on my door and just said, “Hi!” and expected me to know exactly who they are without introduction, I’d probably react the same exact way. The therapist doesn’t say, “Hi, I’m Lydia. I’m here for the home visit.” Nothing. Just stands there staring at her with a judgmental smile because she didn’t immediately know who she is. I think if there was a scene of Gemma either meeting her before this or seeing a picture of her and not recognizing her, it would make the audience think, “wow. Gemma is already showing her incompetence as a guardian!”

The second issue is she seems SO judgmental. I know her point is to gauge whether or not Cady will thrive in this new environment, but from the moment she walks in, she’s treating Gemma like she has no idea how to deal with kids. She makes a remark about them watching TV and still being in their pajamas. Like the kid JUST lost both her parents! If she doesn’t wanna get dressed, then she shouldn’t have to! Besides, she’s literally sitting at home. Why does she need to be all dressed up? I work from home and my idea of dressing up is leggings and a t-shirt which can also be used to sleep in! Then when Cady tells her she doesn’t have any toys there, she shoots Gemma a look like she’s the worst human ever. Again - this whole situation JUST happened. Let the kid get settled in. Let Gemma mourn her sister and adapt to her situation. I don’t know how these situations work in real life, but this is just very unrealistic and as a viewer, you can tell that this is just unnecessary forced conflict. But the part that really sucks is that Gemma’s never really IN danger of losing Cady. Of course we see the therapist pop up here and there and there’s talk of her potentially losing Cady to her in-laws, but like… there’s no weight to any of this. I feel like they could’ve either shown Gemma giving less of a shit about Cady which would’ve justified the therapist’s disdain towards her or they could’ve made the therapist just see she’s trying her best and be a lot less judgmental towards her. Gemma’s grieving, too, and just as equally thrown into a situation she was nowhere near equipped for. Cut her some damn slack!

Anyways, so after the therapist leaves, Gemma has to get some work done so she leaves Cady to her own devices. Later, Cady comes to show her a drawing she did of a toy design in an effort to help inspire her aunt. They have a bonding moment and Gemma ends up showing her a robot she made named Bruce. Keep him in the back of your mind because he’ll be important later on! Bruce is controlled by a human with gloves and he can basically behave like a human. Gemma explains how he works and Cady says that if she had a toy like Bruce, she would never need another toy again. This gets Gemma thinking and from there she builds our girl. Our queen - M3GAN which stands for Model 3 Generative Android.

When she pitches M3GAN to David, he about shits his pants with delight, realizing M3GAN is the most advanced toy ever made. She’s a humanoid computer, even capable of recognizing a child’s emotional state and comforting them. She takes care of everything that typically other humans - like parents - should. A revelation that Gemma’s colleague, Tess, has when she asks when parents would spend time with their kids. She also underhandedly calls M3GAN a way for Gemma to get out of truly bonding with Cady. Gemma defends herself by saying that Cady needs to spend as much time as she can with M3GAN in preparation for the presentation.

We then get to see M3GAN’s first act of violence. Gemma has a neighbor named Celia who has a very aggressive dog named Dewey. Dewey is always getting over to Gemma’s yard and pooping on her driveway, but of course, Celia doesn’t think it’s her fault or that she should have to take care of any of it. Later, when M3GAN goes to retrieve a toy just by the fence, Dewey bites her arm, dragging her into Celia’s yard. Then he bites her neck and head. When Cady goes to help M3GAN, Dewey then bites her in the arm. That sets a target on the dog’s back and M3GAN decides to off Ol’ Yeller. We don’t actually see the dog die or ever see a body so if you’re a person who can’t stand to see animals harmed, this one may be ok for you since it’s just implied, but of course, always approach with caution. 

This leads M3GAN to start questioning life and death - even asking Gemma how Cady’s parents died before looking it up herself. She questions her own mortality and starts to figure out she basically can’t “die” in the traditional sense of the word. Her main directive is to protect Cady and she plans to do that by any means possible.

Of course, when the presentation rolls around, M3GAN ends up wowing the executives. Mainly because Cady has a very real breakdown about losing her parents and M3GAN not only shows them that she can store anything that Cady tells her in her system, but that she actually can comfort and cheer up a child. They’re ready to invest in M3GAN by any means necessary. But through this demonstration, Gemma sees just how broken Cady is over the loss of her parents. She decides it’s time for Cady to get out into the real world and meet some actual children. So, she enrolls her into this school where the kids learn outside in the woods. Side note: why? That’s just dangerous. I’m all for alternative schools and different learning methods, but there’s all sorts of dangerous animals in the woods! Why would you ever have a school where children are put out there like that?

Cady says she’ll only go to school if she can bring M3GAN with her, showing just how attached she’s gotten to her. Gemma argues with her about it on the day of, but the teacher ends up convincing Gemma to stay with M3GAN so that Cady will feel more comfortable. Cady ends up getting paired up with the school bully, Brandon, and of course he decides to bully her which wakes up M3GAN and causes Brandon to take her and run off to a deeper part of the woods. He tries to get M3GAN to play with him, but she won’t since she only answers to Cady. As he goes to destroy the toy, M3GAN springs to life, grabbing his ear and giving him a lecture about how bad boys grow up to be bad men. She then rips off his ear and depending on which version you watch, you either get an extremely close up shot of this or not. 

At this point, Brandon realizes she’s dangerous. She tells him, “this is the part where you run” and he doesn’t hesitate to take off through the woods. M3GAN follows him on all fours which seems like the least efficient way to get around even for a supercharged toy - until he ends up falling down the side of a hill and rolling into the middle of the road. In an instant, Brandon is hit by a car and killed. 

The very next day, the neighbor, Celia, has called the police believing that Gemma had something to do with her dog, Dewey’s disappearance. Gemma asserts that she had nothing to do with it, but Celia outwardly accuses M3GAN. Gemma reassures the police that M3GAN is a toy and couldn’t do any harm. Later that night, M3GAN decides to show Celia just how dangerous she is when she breaks into her shed and douses the woman in pesticides. I actually think the original version of this scene is better than the unrated one. In the unrated one, you do see a bit of her face peeling off before it hard cuts to the next day. In the original version, it cuts away from her being pressure washed with pesticides and shows blood slowly creeping on the floor. It’s that show - don’t tell mentality that makes the original scene a bit creepier to watch because you can only imagine the damage it’s doing to her face.

The police come back again the next day to inform Gemma of Celia’s passing and question her on what happened. Gemma is now fully suspect of M3GAN and tries to look through her system files to find videos of her whereabouts during the time of both Brandon and Celia’s murders. What do you know? M3GAN wiped the files from her memory. Gemma gets caught red handed by M3GAN and deactivates her, wrapping her in plastic before taking her away from the house. This is when Cady basically has a  meltdown. She starts to act out, screaming, crying, cussing at Gemma. Gemma takes her for a meeting with the therapist only for Cady to pull scissors and threaten Lydia with them. 

When Gemma steps in to calm her down, Cady slaps her across the face before realizing she’s gone too far. She apologizes to Gemma stating that she needs M3GAN. She tells her when she’s with M3GAN, this is the only time she doesn’t feel the grief and pain. Gemma tells her she should and actually gives her a good lesson on grief, explaining that she lost so much at such a young age and it’s normal to feel the way that she’s feeling. She also relates to her by saying she misses Cady’s parents, too. After all, even though we don’t know the full scope of the relationship between Gemma and her sister, she obviously trusted Gemma enough to leave Cady to her and Gemma does seem to be feeling the loss as well. I’ll talk in the next segment more about how I feel M3GAN was also a way for Gemma to cope with her grief in this situation, but for now, let’s continue. The movie is almost done!

Gemma opts to skip the presentation and take Cady home for the night, realizing that her mental wellbeing is far more important than some doll. But she left M3GAN in the lab with her colleagues who are working on trying to find out what’s wrong with her. M3GAN hacks into Tess’ phone to call Gemma and find out where she and Cady went while mimicking Tess’ voice. She then springs to life and attacks her colleagues, setting the lab on fire before moving on to where the presentation is. It’s here we get the now iconic scene that everyone knows and loves.

David is trying to reach Gemma on the phone, angry that not only is she not there for the presentation, but neither is M3GAN. As he rounds the corner, he spots M3GAN at the end of the hall and… she starts dancing. It’s such an utterly bizarre scene and even after seeing the millions of memes of it, it still is hilarious in the context of the movie. I mean, the killer starts dancing. What…? Why? She then rips off the blade to one of those paper cutters and goes after David. He runs to the elevator where his assistant, Cole, is heading up. He begs Cole to hold the door, but given that he’s been such a shitty boss and verbally abused Cole on more than one occasion, Cole starts to close the doors. David manages to push through them just as M3GAN catches up to him and stabs him through the chest. In the unrated version, Cole is sprayed with David’s blood, but in the original one, you just see him fall to the ground. After that, M3GAN basically tells Cole she’ll frame him for David’s murder, but then she kills Cole and depending on which version you watch, you either get a very bloody sequence of her slitting Cole’s throat or she puts the blade in his hand and pushes it forward into his throat. The elevator finally gets to the floor where the presentation is taking place and M3GAN manages to escape before the onlookers spot the dead bodies in there. She then takes a car to go back to Gemma and Cady’s house.

Gemma puts Cady to sleep and then talks to Elsie (which is like the Amazon Echo) to get her to turn on the lights in the hallway. When that doesn’t work, she walks back into the living room to hear M3GAN playing the song Toy Soldiers on the piano. M3GAN talks about how Gemma never wanted a kid in the first place and how things have been so much easier for Gemma since she came along. They begin to fight, taking it through the house until Cady goes to see what’s happening.

M3GAN tries to convince Cady that they should kill Gemma and just live the two of them and at first, it seems like Cady might give in to that request, but then she tells M3GAN about another member of their family. That member is Bruce! Cady brings Bruce out and brawls with M3GAN robot-to-robot before using Bruce to rip M3GAN in half and toss the pieces across the room. It seems at that moment that M3GAN is really defeated, but of course that would be too easy.

M3GAN’s upper torso comes back and grabs Cady by the throat, prompting Gemma to attack M3GAN and try to pull her brain apart by ripping the skin and mechanics out. M3GAN gets the upper hand and begins to choke Gemma out. Then Cady pulls out a screwdriver and jams it into M3GAN’s mainframe, killing her once and for all. The police along with Gemma’s colleagues arrive to make sure they’re alright, but as the movie draws to a close, we see that Elsie - the equivalent of the Amazon Echo - has suddenly sprung to life and turns its little robot eye to look at the camera. Hinting at a sequel we already know is coming.

Part 2: Dancing Queen

So here’s the thing about M3GAN. It’s meant to be goofy. There’s a hint of humor laced throughout the entire film and that’s even prevalent in the trailer as well. It was never meant to be taken seriously and is just what they call a popcorn flick. Something you turn your brain off and watch with the intention to just get a good solid laugh out of it. That being said, M3GAN herself is definitely creepy. From the very uncanny way her face moves to her childlike and robotic voice that only thinly hides the fact that she’s a computer and knows everything. We can laugh at her dance moves all we want, but if I woke up in the middle of the night and saw her in my living room - even without the movie’s existence - I would find her utterly terrifying. There’s no denying M3GAN is a horror icon for a new generation. Sure, she’s basically just Chucky, but to me she’s scarier than Chucky because she has the intelligence to match her sadism. 

I’d done a review on the remake of Child’s Play a few years ago and one thing I said is there’s something scary about the idea of the tech we’re so accustomed to and reliant on coming to life and fighting back. The Child’s Play remake had a lot of pushback for changing many elements to the iconic story and diehard fans of that franchise were not receptive to its existence despite it being a solid film overall. M3GAN is basically the Child’s Play remake, but it gets away with being that because it doesn’t involve Chucky. It tells a cautionary tale about our gadgets becoming so advanced that they begin to outrank us. We become mere specks of dust in the wake of their greatness.

There’s another tale to be told here as well and that’s a tale of grief. Cady is a literal child - only in elementary school - when she loses both of her parents in one fell swoop. She also loses her stability. She goes from her home to her aunt’s home basically overnight. She’s scared, alone, and she doesn’t know how to convey any of those emotions because they’re big emotions for a child to feel. Gemma - on the flip side - is a workaholic who is so focused on advancing technology in the toy world that she doesn’t seem to have time for much else. Then she’s suddenly thrust into this guardian role that she feels she has to take. Partially because it was her sister’s wish, but also because she does seem to love and care about her niece. While the movie focuses mainly on the fact that Cady is a child going through immense trauma, it also dabbles in the fact that Gemma is also experiencing a huge amount of trauma herself. 

M3GAN is a trauma response for Gemma. Gemma has no idea how to be a parent. She has no idea how to help a child process such a huge feeling such as the grief of losing her parents and normalcy. Especially because Gemma has no idea how to process her own grief at losing her sister and her lack of preparation for a situation like this to happen. She builds M3GAN as a companion for Cady, but M3GAN ends up being a bandaid over a bullet hole. Cady only talks to M3GAN about her feelings because she doesn’t feel like the adults around her understand the pain she’s in. M3GAN plays with Cady and gives her a sense of normalcy she otherwise wouldn’t have and when M3GAN is forcibly taken away from her by Gemma, she lashes out and becomes incredibly violent. Mainly because she has no idea how to feel the pain she’s in. She doesn’t want to feel it. She wants M3GAN back to distract her from the reality that her parents are gone forever. As for Gemma, Gemma uses M3GAN as a way to do the things she feels she’s incapable of doing. She lets M3GAN do the parenting while she focuses on her work and how to drop M3GAN into every American home she can. But when she realizes throughout the film that Cady is bonded more to M3GAN than to her, she tries to step in and create boundaries for Cady with M3GAN. She starts to realize that having a robotic child basically parent your kid for you is a negative thing. On top of that, she knows in her heart that M3GAN is too advanced, learning at a rapid rate about humanity and following her directive at any cost to protect Cady from harm. Even if that means harming Gemma herself so Cady and her can live and play in peace. When you really think about Gemma and Cady’s relationships with M3GAN, it makes the movie sadder and a bit creepier. These are two people thrown into a terrible situation after losing their family who use technology to cover up the pain and deal with the changes thrown at them.

That being said, this movie doesn’t linger on the actual pain and grief for too long. Despite its 1 hour and 41 minute run time, you don’t ever feel like Gemma is in danger of losing Cady because of her incompetence as a guardian nor do you ever really feel Cady’s pain of her loss deeply. There are glimpses of it, but nothing serious. Because this movie is not to be taken seriously. It’s a movie about a killer doll that comes to life and offs people. And sings Sia for some reason. And dances, let's not forget the dancing.

Overall, M3GAN isn’t a bad movie. It’s just… not as good as everyone made it out to be. It’s fun, it’s got its funny parts, the dance is great, and M3GAN herself is very creepy. I watched this movie back to back - once for the theatrical cut and again for the unrated one - and overall, it’s a movie that needs to be watched with the right people. People who are going to make it fun. Otherwise, it’s just a typical slasher film with minimal gore in BOTH versions (which isn’t like a bad thing or anything. Just still annoyed about the unrated version basically being nothing special) and a slasher who may just be this generation’s Chucky. M3GAN is definitely not going anywhere and I’m OK with that. She’s cool, she’s creepy, and honestly she’s got some sick ass dance moves. I hope whatever they do with the sequel, we get another scene of her dancing as she kills people. Make that her signature going forward. So, for that, I am going to award M3GAN 3 out of 5 skulls. If you’re looking for something fun to watch with friends for the night, this is one I highly recommend!

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[beskarxclad]

Mobile Rules

Mun is well over 21+ and Semi-selective Please call me Rogue

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I am super ok with multiple threads! Do not god mod my character. Do not specify his actions or thoughts for yourself. I will drop a thread if you do this. Again, unless we have something plotted out beforehand just don’t do it. I ship chemistry. However do not force a ship on me without first discussing it with me.

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Mun is a little shy but very approachable if you’d like to plot  ^.^ Remember roleplay is supposed to be fun! Not stressful!

[into-the-center-of-things]

Day 2

July 17, 2024

"violent flush of light—

a bullet ricocheting

from gunmetal clouds"

We hit four states today; in the early AM we hit Arizona, then in the morning/afternoon it was New Mexico, most of the late afternoon and evening was Colorado, and tonight we entered Kansas in midst of a crazy lightning storm.

I will admit, I didn't get more than maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep. I'm making a mental note to find a better position to sleep in, or to purchase the airplane head pillow thing if I intend to take the train again. I was very uncomfortable and mostly stayed up as late as possible watching the desert unfold until I couldn't keep my eyes open, and by the time I laid across both seats and started drifting off they woke me up and told me that someone was going to be sitting with me at Flagstaff (around 4am).

I was worried at first that it would be with someone I didn't like, or a man. To my delight it was another woman my age. I helped her adjust her seat and said we would chat more in the morning. She fell asleep pretty quickly, I took a bit longer. I woke up around 6:30am, the New Mexico overcast meant the sun didn't wake me up immediately.

My seatmate awoke too and I excused myself to get hot water for my coffee. The cafe attendant was more than happy to give me some, and a lady in the cafe car pointed out to me a very faint rainbow.

You can barely see the rainbow but it's there, I swear!

. . .

We had a brief stop at Gallup NM (sounds like gallop...like the thing horses do...) around 6:40am. It was a good stretch break and there was a mildly comical moment where someone got locked in the bathroom and was knocking quite furiously and shouting "Hey! Hello! Can someone let me out of here? I'm locked in the bathroom...I don't really wanna be stuck in here ))): " in a sad Texan drawl and I fetched one of the conductors to free him.

After that we were headed to Albuquerque, which was where my seatmate was heading. After I shared a yam with her and we made jokes about our shitty instant coffees (where she revealed she and her boyfriend used an expresso machine—very classy) she said she was visiting her family, she lived in Kington for college, she studied psych in undergrad at Northern Arizona University and felt very critical of contemporary usage of outdated psychological concepts and ideas (a lá Freud). Currently she is pursuing social work (also at NAU). It was a wonderful couple of hours of shooting the shit, I felt very comfortable prattling on and on with her, the conversations we had were very funny and I really enjoyed hearing about her perspectives on college and the psychological world. We exchanged Instagrams in the end so hopefully we can stay in touch!

We stopped in Albuquerque around 10:30am and were going to stay there for an hour, which meant it was a perfect time to clean up. After saying good bye to my seatmate I finally washed my face, brushes my teeth, put on deodorant before heading into the sun. I also took advantage of the lull and made a move to pull my luggage from that top shelf and place it somewhere lower and less tight. A lady had to assist me because I was struggling so much. I called her Wonder Woman and she thought it was funny.

When I stepped outside the train I was greeted with a blast of heat cuz man, I forgot how hot and dry it was in the Southwest. I have only been in Nevada and Arizona for a few hours but this reminded me of such. I paced around for about 30 minutes before I got too sweaty and went back in the train. I tried to say hello to a lady sitting at the station but after I declined her offer for a cigarette she (very politely, mind you) asked if I could please leave her alone and not talk to her, so I did.

A lot of people got on and off the train here, I noticed. There were many new faces. A girl close to my age was sitting across the row from me (more on her later) who had a cool jacket and black nail polish like me. A man sat behind me as well. Both discussed their destination being Kansas City because their Chicago train got cancelled, which lead to some confusion from me worrying if it meant I would be stuck in Missouri for two hours but apparently it does not, so whatever.

Anyways, I was approached by a lady who noticed my Pittsburgh Contemporary Poetry collection and asked if I liked Robert Kipling and Li Bai, and started talking about her interest in translations and classic chinese poetry. She (who I will dub Z) left me alone for an hour or so, which I read and wrote and kind of zoned out because New Mexico kind of all looks the same at a certain point and there wasn't really a lot of interesting things to look at. We got to Lamy NM and I barely recall anything about the stop.

Z came back later and talked at me very passionately about poetic translation—she knew how to read Classical Chinese and Cantonese, as well as Esperanto (which is a constructed international auxiliary language—it appeared to be her native language, and she had been attending an Esperanto conference in California, so she's been on the same train as me, and was going to get off at Kansas City). I was really intimidated by her immense knowledge and zeal of poetic language form beyond just meter and stressed syllables—she was interested in the syntax and word-level breakdown of sound and rhythm between translations of different poems in different forms across different languages. How can a poem's original meter be retained across languages? How can a poem's original form be retained across language, especially if that form was tailored to a specific language's sonic conventions? She produced for me some poems she had transcribed, one in Chinese and one in Esperanto, and read them to me with her own translation. She was also able to read the Chinese in some different dialects.

She shared with me work by a renowned Esperanto poet (there appears to be little translated work in that language) and expressed her interest in memorizing poetry as well. Z introduced me to linebyline.app as well as a method for memorizing poems by writing out the first letter of every word in the line. She demonstrated this method with this poem:

She practiced with the method over and over again and I quizzed her a bit until she got it in about 15 or so minutes. The only downside was that a lady yelled at her (and by extension me) for "offensive annoying gibberish" or whatever. I guess hearing the same poem over and over again is kind of annoying, but it wasn't the volume of the conversation but the contents—I guess this lady was a hardcore Christian or something. Hilarious when you consider how many unbothered Amish people we were sharing the car with!

Anyways. Z and I exchanged email and phone numbers so I am going to try to email her some things when I arrive in Chicago. It was raining when we pulled up to Las Vegas (which is not the same as the Las Vegas in Nevada), with some brief flashes of lightning. We got a few flood warnings or two.

This entire time I am observing the Amish couple sitting catty corner with me, because they have been using the flip phone an awful lot. I also noticed that the lady pieced together a salad on a paper plate with different components and a bag of Fritos. I wonder why the Amish are allowed the modern conveniences of plastic ziploc bags and crocs but not glass tupperware? Wouldn't that be more convenient for holding a salad? Just a stray thought.

Wasn't paying too much attention to the outdoors (saw so many cows and horses and deer frolicking in the fields though), was mostly reading and Googling random shit about Amish people. I started another poem which felt pretty good. I refilled my water bottle with the same stupid method.

. . . [To be continued in next post]

[sombytaco]

Why DaveKat is Narratively Important

Let’s talk about DaveKat because I have nothing better to do!! So, whether or not you personally ship or agree with davekat, this is just going to be about how, from a narrative standpoint, it is 100% vital to both Dave’s and Karkat’s storylines and personal character arcs, let’s start with:

Knight Class- So, bit of class/aspect analysis because the fact they both Dave and Karkat are both Knights is absolutely VITAL to their character development and their connection to each other. Something Kanaya said, that classpects are not necessarily chosen to suit the strengths of each player but rather to challenge them in a way that is most beneficial to their personal growth? That is completely correct, Dave and Karkat being some of the best examples in the comic. The aspects are the elements which the game, and therefore the universe(s) are made of - literally. Like, these are the constructs out of which the world exists, the building blocks so to speak. However, they also represent more metaphorical concepts, Life=Optimism, Hope=Belief, Heart=Soul, so on and so forth etc. So paired with the Knight class, the active pairing of Maid class, we have to examine how exactly the aspect *applies*. Obviously, being active, the Knight class is self serving (more on active vs passive or knight vs maid specifically if y'all hmu with some asks I’d be happy to explain more in depth), there’s also a metric shitload of symbolism involved in the name. I’ve been reading this comic for almost five years and the sheer amount of symbolism never ceases to amaze me, but the absolutely loaded amount of metaphorical value behind this class has to be in my top 5. The classic “knight” iteration, sword and shield type of deal, is instrumental in the interpretation of how Dave and Karkat wield their abilities and grow as characters. The weapon is obviously the way in which they wield their aspects, but the shield is so much more interesting: it’s their PERSONA. Part of the blatant parallels between Dave and Karkat’s story arcs is how they allow others to perceive them in regard to their own internal struggles, they both put up a persona to protect themselves. For Dave it’s his “coolkid” facade, he doesn’t let others see his emotions, feelings, or motivations because he’s so wrapped up in this delusion of irony and toxic masculinity that he feels it would be a weakness to show himself for what he is, one that could very possibly (at the hands of Bro) get him severely injured at best, dead at worst if he fears for his life which is a distinct possibility. Karkat suffers in a similar way, his persona is this image of the overly aggressive, “shouty/angry” guy, he’s loud and obnoxious because he’s trying to keep people at arms length, similar to how Dave doesn’t let anyone in. Karkat also has similar motivations behind this persona, because of his blood color he knows he will be in immediate danger if people get too close, look to closely, care too much, so if he can shout and seem just as bloodthirsty and aggressive as other trolls, he can both keep them away and keep himself free of suspicion. So, they have their shields, their personas, this is how they protect themselves from the world. Let’s talk about their weapons.

Aspects- As I mentioned above, aspects are the literal elements that make up the world, but also have a more metaphorical meaning. In the same way that Heart=Soul, Dave’s aspect Time is not only literally representative of time, but metaphorically representative of PROGRESSION. Karkat’s aspect of blood is therefore, while literally blood (possibly a reference to his mutation), also more symbolically representative of UNITY. Now, let’s see how those apply to each players personal struggle, because remember that’s the key here, how their classpects tie in to their character arcs. Dave is troubled by his aspect at multiple points throughout the storyline, severely disturbed by dead Dave’s and essentially haunted by the multiple loops he has running, in what is a single day to his fellow beta players likely feels like *weeks* for him, he’s not progressing in the game, he’s running all these loops and doing so much and yet he’s not really going anywhere. He’s like a broken record, if you will. Dave doesn’t see himself as a hero, broken sword symbolism aside because I cannot get into that rn lmao that’s way too loaded and this is long enough, Dave *can’t* see himself as a hero because in his mind, Bro was a hero, and he will never live up to it, so why bother. Easier to just run his loops and do whatever Terezi says because she’s probably right and anyways it’s just easier to do something menial and meaningless that doesn’t move anything forward because he would probably fuck it up anyways, right? Dave is so stuck in the past, haunted by his loops, haunted by the legacy of his Bro, haunted by dead Daves, he is terrified (whether consciously or subconsciously) of moving forward, of Progression. Alternatively, Karkat’s aspect of Blood, or UNITY trips him up in similar ways. Karkat’s relationships are…complicated. It’s been *headcanoned* that he comes across as pale towards most of his friends, because despite how hard he tries to act loud and aggressive, he’s a big softie who cares way too goddamn much about everything. Terezi also represents his biggest struggle with Unity and relationships, he “wanted her in every quadrant like a desperate fool”, and she played along for a while to see if he would settle in any one quadrant, but when he never did she moved on. This is a huge blow to Karkat’s self-esteem, he thought he was being so suave and smooth just like his romance novels and movies, but really he was pushing her away either knowingly or unknowingly. On the topic of his romance novels, his obsession with relationships also shows him trying to compensate (more on this in a sec) for his lack of capability in the area, as if he’s studying them to get a better understanding of how relationships should work because he really has no idea. In his very first conversation with Sollux that we see, he ends by affirming that he hasn’t gone too far right? They’re still friends? Because underneath his loud, obnoxious persona, he’s just acting the way he thinks he’s supposed to in this hyper-aggressive society. Sound familiar? It’s because Dave is doing the same thing. They’re both using their personas to survive, to appear the way they think they should to other people, because when it comes to their aspects, they’re fucking terrified and don’t have a clue as to what they’re really doing.

Storyline Parallels- So, I’ve seen a lot of good analysis of this and I doubt any of what I’m saying will be news to any of you, but I’m gonna put it in my own words as best I can bc this shit is imperative to understanding why DaveKat works so perfectly in the narrative. Dave is obviously working an uphill battle the entire story to overcome the hyper-masculinity (see also: toxic) that his Bro has ingrained in his psyche for 13 years. Not the least of which is some deeply rooted homophobia. Dave fronts constantly, accusing others of being gay, accusing *Karkat* of being gay pretty amusingly. Obviously he pokes at this in other people because he’s so insecure about it in himself, he struggles heavily with his sexuality the way so many pre-teens do, only he’s fighting against a decades worth of anti-gay propaganda basically so there’s no room for him to search within himself too deeply without feeling deeply uncomfortable because obviously that’s Wrong and Bad and that’s not how society works in his world. Similarly, Karkat struggles with the quadrants which is practically unheard of on Alternia. It’s such a clear parallel to human homophobia that like. I’m left speechless when I think about it honestly. Their struggles are so overwhelmingly similar and parallel to each other sometimes I just have to stop and appreciate it. But back on topic, his whole life, Karkat has grown up with this over idealized concept of romance, the quadrants, and he obviously knows something is wrong with himself from an early age. Karkat’s obsession with romance novels is no coincidence, he’s clearly always felt off when it comes to that and so he most likely reached out to these novels and movies to get a better grasp of the quadrants, consuming what was essentially romantic propaganda to overcompensate. The problem is, in studying these works, he latched onto the wrong thing which is so funny to me. He’s reading these trying to understand, to make himself fit into this system because that’s what society is like *cough* heteronormativity *cough* and yet he latched onto quadrant vacillation like it’s the holy fucking grail of romance. Like oh, okay, this is normal? Obviously people do this, as long as they switch within the bounds of the system it’s Okay™ and even romantic in some occasions. Only, this is fiction he’s reading and if you try to apply the logic of romance novels to real life…well, we all know what happened with Terezi. He was constantly pushing the boundaries of vacillation, he was red for her, he wanted to act black on occasion, he cares so much about everyone it’s impossible for him not to be pale, and we see him (though I doubt he realizes he’s doing it) trying to auspistice for her and Gamzee in the pre-retcon timeline by staging a sort of intervention. He “wanted her in every quadrant like a desperate fool” and I don’t understand how people put Karkat into the quadrant system!!! That line is so IMPORTANT, not even taking into account that we know his dancestor, who shared his blood mutation which may have had something to do with his irregularities, loved the Disciple “beyond the quadrants”. It’s. So. Obvious. Karkat is overcoming the stigma of wanting to love beyond the quadrants in the same way that Dave is struggling to overcome the loaded idea behind being Not Straight. They’re both overcoming these extremely similar prospects and it’s an absolutely stunning feat of narrative that as an English major it makes me fucking weak in the goddamn knees like Hussie is a lot of things but this? This is fucking genius. I’ve never seen two characters written together in such an in depth and parallel way before.

Opposites Attract- So we’ve talked about their similarities, let’s talk about their differences and how those differences are also actually poorly disguised similarities. Karkat is obviously a Loud Boy, thats his coping mechanism. He keeps people out and away by being loud and aggressive. Dave needs to cope for similar reasons, to protect himself he needs to keep people out and away but he does it in just the opposite way, he gets quiet. He doesn’t talk about his shit. Sure, he’ll go on the rambling metaphor when the occasion calls, but although he’s always talking he’s never really saying anything. Karkat is an almost compulsive over sharer, like, the boy (bless his heart) has zero filter. Dave will talk your ear off just as well, but I’ll be fuckin damned if he says anything worthwhile outright (his many, many Freudian slips aside). It’s also interesting to note that while I’ve seen people talk about how part of the reason Karkat doesn’t fit into Alternian society is that he’s so human, as its stated in the narrative that after seeing this soft species, that shares his blood color and stupid, stupid compassion, even *Vriska* admits that Karkat seems to fit in better with them than he ever did with trolls, we don’t see the same for Dave? I’ve rarely, if ever, seen the situation flipped, in that Dave was more suited for Alternian society the same way Karkat was more human than troll or at least had severely human aspects. Obviously Dave’s romance is still very human in that he’s a big ol’ fan of monogamy (he and Karkat both faced problems in their relationships with Terezi romantically when she became involved in other quadrants, these boys love monogamy I’ll fight), but his upbringing? Yikes. Lusii are supposed to, while still protecting their trolls, prepare them for the harsh and violent world. Whether they had to kill other trolls and Lusii to feed them, or learn how to fight to fend off other trolls on their own, there was a shit ton of fighting in their pre-pubescent years. Trolls are a hyper aggressive, violent species that learn to fight basically as soon as they can walk, which is exactly what Bro did to Dave. Dave could fight practically from the second he crawled off the meteor, I doubt a day went by without a sword in his hand for some reason and god knows he suffered through enough strifes. Both boys were brought up just thoroughly *wrong* for their societies in a way that ensured they would never feel like they truly fit in.

Finally, Romance- In the final culmination of all this, let’s actually talk about how they work together as a couple. So, they have this overwhelmingly similar upbringing and life experience, what happens when they finally meet up? Dave thinks it’s hilarious that Karkat is always yelling, “get a load of this guy I was telling you about, Rose”, and while I have no doubt he thought Karkat’s shitfits were the funniest thing since Colonel Sassacre, there had to be a part of him that was just in awe of how someone could be so free with their emotions. Like, he’s angry? And you know it the second he walks into a room?? This is an entirely new concept to Dave, my son, who grew up with an insanely passive-aggressive psychopath who would sneak up on him and fight him with a crazy fucking puppet like what the fuck?? Dave has always had to be on edge at home, Bro was quiet so you never knew when he was upset and you never knew when he was coming for you. With Karkat, that’s such a non-issue it’s like the issue dined and dashed, no bill and no tip, vanished into the wind. You can hear Karkat stomping down the hall five minutes before he even gets into the room, and once he gets there oh boy he will Let You Know What The Problem Is. Why is Dave always provoking Karkat? Literally just to hear him yell because it’s so goddamn refreshing to know exactly with 100% certainty what someone is thinking, no irony, no bullshit, just genuine fucking refreshing annoyance. And for Karkat, well here’s the guy he’s always wanted to be, right? Cool and suave, the romcom hero who could smooth talk the paint off a wall. Only, Dave isn’t actually cool in the way he pretends to be, he’s not this smooth suave hero, he’s not even just a hero. He can’t be. He’s just…a kid. A kid like Karkat who has issues like Karkat and talks just as much when he’s nervous as Karkat and he’s relatable even though he’s trying not to be. He’s trying so hard to be what society wants from him he wants to be the tough guy with the sword but he’s just so not and that’s so refreshing! Karkat realizes he’s not the only one who’s trying to live up to some buttfuck impossiblestandards and he realizes…that’s okay. He doesn’t have to be anything he’s not. And they figure that out together.

So pardon me if I don’t understand how you can put Dave with John, or Jade, because they don’t fit. The narrative literally doesn’t benefit in any way for them to fit, and if it’s your personal preference then by all means go for it who am I to stop you, but there is no benefit to them being together. They will not grow from it, John is explicitly someone who doesn’t seem to focus or care much about romance even? And Jade has no concept of anything Dave has gone through, she couldn’t even begin to understand. Same with Terezi and Karkat, or Gamzee and Karkat or John and Karkat or whatever, Terezi likes quadrants. They make sense to her and she enjoys them, Karkat cannot bring himself to deal with with that and they’re so much happier as just friends. I’m not even getting into Gamzee, I’m not even gonna dip my toe into that discourse because everyone likes different characters for different reasons and I won’t begrudge you of that so I’m just gonna stay away. So again, if you ship those then that’s fine! Go for it! This is just an analysis of why the narrative, in my personal perspective, supports DaveKat and why I personally think they are good and healthy for each other and help each other grow as people.

[vespersposts]

Diode

Hello everyone! 💐

Here we are at the end of this short story. Poor Daiki, he's going to get a good scolding (but he deserves it all!). This chapter is SFW, there are some affectionate interactions but it's far from being sexually explicit, nevertheless I'll flagged it with explicit filter.

I hope you enjoyed the story, I'm at your disposal for any criticism and/or discussion. A hug, 🍰

V.

To the Masterlist

-> more knb stories here 🏀

A hot shower. Your favourite vice for a peaceful night, especially when combined with a silk petticoat, organic cotton sheets and a well-darkened room. There would also be another component, but it doesn't seem to be available at the moment. You laugh at your own silly sense of humour, rubbing your hands together to let what's left of your body lotion soak in, enjoying the caress of white musk, the swirl of white flowers and fresh grass, forcing yourself to ignore what's going on somewhere else, probably in a hotel room not much apart from the one you're in.

That dark shadow has followed you everywhere, and now it is sitting next to you on the king sized bed. As much as you don’t wanna deal with it, it will keep you company for a long time. You had never seen his behaviour so closely, never believed all those rumours that painted him as such a fierce predator, and yet.... 

You sigh, looking up at the entrance door: you hear it open and close, then quick footsteps approaching.

His clothes bring you the humidity of summer, mixed with alcohol and a sweetish, synthetic scent that makes your stomach twitch. “You need to take a shower" is all you say, as he stands before you. He smiles, takes his jacket off his shoulders, undoes the collar of his shirt, and stretches his wrists for you to help him with the buttons, trying in this way to steal a kiss, which you avoid by putting an open hand on his lips.

"Are you hitting on me while you still have her stink on you, you prick?“ you ask him harshly, squeezing the corners of his mouth, giving him a scornful look. He says nothing at all: he just grimaces, presses his face to your cheek, kisses the palm of the hand with which you try to push him away, and casually undresses, leaving you alone in the large bedroom.

You dim the lights, slip under the sheets and relax your head on the pillow. Hair loose, body lying on its side, you bend your knees and push your feet against each other, as you feel the water stop running, because you are on edge. You close your eyes when you feel him move behind you and, with a sigh, adjust himself to your huddled figure. Then come his warm lips on the nape of your neck, the caress of his nose playing with your hairline, his warm hands moving with a sensual fondness up to your abdomen to make sure to erase any unnecessary distance between your back and his chest, so that you can clearly feel his desire grow in contact with the soft curve of your bottom.

"You're awfully pretty when you're jealous" you hear his deep voice whisper behind your right ear, his tongue snapping against his moist lips, tracing your shoulder line , now that his long fingers have lowered the straps of your nightgown.

"I'm not jealous" you sigh, feeling your body slip away from your control; determined to surrender to his caresses, to his skin still damp from the shower, to his large, warm hand pleasantly torturing your breast, cupping it between his fingers. You hear him laugh, a quiet laugh, muffled by the contact of his mouth with your shoulder, now that his arms gently swing you toward him, so that he can see your face.

"You are not then, not at all ! " he teases, looking at you tenderly, as one would look at a puppy or a child, seeking your lips, sinking into your softness, into your good scent, into your taste so familiar and yet so addictive. You would like to say something in your defence, but your voice can only moan, now that his fingers brush your navel and disappear under the pink silk of your nightgown. You are resentful, disappointed, hurt and yet you are also hopelessly aroused. You would even be willing to throw away your dignity once more, for that fleeting pleasure he promises you. 

That's what you can't tell Taiga, because you can't even admit it to yourself: he'll always do what he wants with you, because you can't resist him. You'll always give in to his lure: anything to get his attention for a few hours. Daiki will never desire you the way he can desire a stranger at a birthday party, because he knows you by now, and he knows that when he wants, he can have you as he wants.

"You just wanna fuck, don't you? “ you ask him, closing your legs in shield of your pussy, eliciting his amused reaction. "And you, my sweet baby, what do you want to do instead?" he asks mischievously, stroking your legs, kissing your knees, never taking his eyes off yours.

"I want to be loved " you state simply, lowering your eyes, moving your body away from him, lifting the straps of your nightgown before staring at his astonished face. "I am tired of being with someone who does not look at me with raw desire. I don't want you to use my body to fulfil your fantasies about another woman. You could have had her, I would have understood.... Why did you come back? Why settle for my small breasts, these stubby legs, when you could have had her in your hands already? To quote Taiga, you're making me feel like garbage" you vent bitterly, turning a weary gaze on him. 

"That's not true! " he replies embarrassed, taking your hand now that you've gotten out of bed, squeezing his fingers between yours, holding you gently, searching his mind for all the good reasons not to be afraid of that evil version of you.

"Why don't you look at me the way you used to look at her?" you ask, dropping the contact to cross your hands over your chest. You see his eyes widen, his gaze lower, his fingers scratching the back of his head, perhaps searching for an explanation that might convince you. All that thinking must tire him, because you see him tighten his lips into a wince you can't read, and huff.

"Because to me that girl doesn't really exist. She's like the pictures of models I used to look at when I was a teenager.... She's good for hooking up. It's a game, just that, but nothing more than that. You... You, well..." he explains, getting up and trying to set a connection "You're the one who I want to like me, so please like me! " he confesses almost ashamedly, trying to sense the distance that separates you.

"Please like me!" you mock him "As if I've done anything else this past year!" you reply stymied, clasping your hands so hard they discolour. "For what' sake? To show me how much girls like you? To rub my face in how unsuitable I am? Or simply because you were blinded by your outsized ego?" you ask, without receiving an answer. "Is this the way you treat people you like? By destroying their self-esteem? By humiliating them for free? " you urge him, because you need to know.

"I left you alone with him all night, doesn't that count either? Aren't we even?" he replies clumsily, fueling your anger even more. Your eyes narrow, your lips fold in a sarcastic grin, now that your jaw clenches in disdain.

"He kissed me on the forehead" you coldly scan. "I had to text you to tell you to go fuck someone else, and you dare to tell me we're even! How can we be even? We're not even for shit! " you raise your voice, drowning out all the sounds in the room. 

You wait for a word, a gesture, anything.

But nothing comes. 

You feel the blood boil in your veins, your stomach tighten, your head becomes heavy and light at once. 

There is no other way.

"I'm so done with you!" are the last words you say, leading the way to the bathroom, heedless of the fact that he is behind you. 

"I failed the test, so you're leaving?" you hear his voice. "You wanted to get rid of me so badly that you couldn't help yourself, huh? After all, away from me everything is better. Away from me is a guy you've been thinking about for a year, who caresses and kisses you as and when he wants, who wants to spend the night with you, if you're good at getting rid of me. Me, who--" and here he stops, because he sees your head droop and tears fall down.

You, who never cry, who always hold your head high.

You, who always hide your sadness. 

You cry.

You cry because of him.

"Do you have any idea how sick it made me feel to send you that message?" you blubber "I saw how much you wanted her, I saw how much you needed her, I saw the bloody lust. I made you choose, that's all. I love you, how could I take from you something you wanted so bad?" you ask behind gritted teeth, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand "If only I could love you less, if I could stop this tearing feeling for you, maybe I could replace you with someone else and be eventually happy!" you end by sustaining his gaze.

"Someone like Kagami! " he throws back at you, sure to buy himself time, but unlike on other occasions, your eyes grow a little duller.

"You didn't listen to a single word I said " you admit sadly "You not only don't see me, you don't even listen to me. First there was her, now Taiga... I am tired of being a wallflower for your manhood outbursts. It makes me miserable, because it's validating one thing: you don’t care about me" you explain to him, searching with your eyes for the clothes you had prepared, just to avoid the shame you feel knowing that your crying is meant for him.

"You don't know a damn thing!" he urges you, grabbing you by the wrists, pulling you forcibly to him, hiding his face in the hollow of your shoulder, pressing you tight against his naked chest. When your fingers caress the nape of his neck, asking to be let free, he simply looks up and kisses you longingly, stealing your breath.

" It's little and nothing, but it exists, you know ? You said it yourself. It exists! " you hear his voice repeat, as his arms grip you fiercely.

You sigh, stopping rebelling against his hold, relaxing your body against his.

"Don't even think for a second I don't love you" you hear his voice break, as a warm tear rolls down your shoulder blades.

"Words, Daiki. Now let me go, I'm exhausted" you confess, releasing your arms down your sides, staying still before him, looking away from his tear-filled eyes, feeling his hands slowly move away from your back, thanking him with a silent nod as he slides his fingers away from your skin.

You bend down, taking your sadness and hair behind your ears, turning your back to him, to pick up the dress and sweatshirt you always carry with you to the airport. His sweatshirt, which keeps you sheltered from loneliness and all the aches and pains of air conditioning. You fold it carefully, leaving it on the chaise-longue, before disappearing into the bathroom. 

You slip off your nightgown, the cotton of the light-colored half-sleeved dress you're wearing is a little rough on your skin, on your back, on your nipples, or maybe your senses are all stirred up; now that you feel his intense eyes on you, his towering figure reflected in the bathroom mirror next to your face. "Please take this with you, or you'll get a bad headache" you hear his voice getting closer and closer, until he reaches you in front of the sink.

"In fact, stay here, it's not safe to be in the airport alone at night. I'll get another room if..." he offers, placing his sweatshirt next to your right hand. 

You hear him sigh, see his face frown briefly, then nervous hands rub his eyes.

"I have to tell you something, or I'll never have peace anymore!" he exhales, taking advantage of your attention to move closer again. 

He doesn't hug you, but his bare leg is next to yours, your arms touching, knuckles brushing against each other. You nod, amazed by that sudden resolve, attracted by his soaring body, his tantalising sensuality, the caress of his skin on yours, his expression so serious, yet so damned voluptuous.

"My mind has all sorts of thoughts about you, mostly filthy ones " he admits, looking away from your image reflected in the mirror, as you pierce him with an annoyed look.

"But It’s not only me. If I don't lust after you like this, if I provoke you by playing with others, it's because I know that , sooner or later, some better bastard than Kagami will take you away from me. I try to figure out how much time I have left. That's why I try to get your attention by acting: to show you that I'm special, more exciting than others. Actually, I'm sure I don't have a better version to offer you. Maybe I should be brave, suck it up and let you go but..." he thinks aloud "I not only don't want to, I can't, I simply can't "he shrugs his shoulders with a nervous grin.

"This is stupid!" you affirm, turning toward him.

" So am I, you should know that by now" he replies, surprised by your look that suddenly becomes cosy, by your face turned at him, by your lips pressed against each other, by your almost apologetic expression, to which he cannot give meaning. He feels your slender arms slip under his, your tiny fingers brushing the bare skin of his back, begging him to lock you in an embrace, as your nose tickles the small space between his pecs.

"You're not stupid, you're just a guy who's constantly messing up his life, but I love you for that, too"" you cling tightly to him , leaning your lips against his chest to slowly kiss his skin, sighing when your tongue brings his taste back to you. You want him to feel your warmth, your longing: this is the only thing that matters. This is the only language with which you always understand each other completely. You feel him shiver under your lips, his cheeks blush a little, his throat swallow an empty gulp that makes you feel the tickle of a thousand feathers down your spine.

" I will never stop loving you, never ever, remember that!" he smiles, lifting his eyes in yours, stroking your soft locks with his fingers, so deeply moved and grateful to have you again.

You feel a lonely tear leave your eyes, you smile, and his strong arms grab your round bottom to lift you effortlessly. Your head falls back in that pleasurable gasp, your legs close on his waist, your fingers entwine on your dress, which soon after falls to the bathroom floor. His strong abdomen tenses against your skin, his lips cover yours, and your whole body screams the need to be his. 

"What are you going to do, sweet baby?" you tease him, as you feel the cold wall of the bedroom behind your back. He moves a lock of hair behind your ear, bites your neck and claims your mouth passionately, groaning against your flushed lips, breaking contact only to seal his promise.

"I’m gonna love you."

[labarch]

Witch Hats and Prejudice Part II

<-- Part I

Olruggio, my love, my man, I’m sorry your proposal to Qifrey in chapter 40 didn’t go as you hoped, let’s sit down and discuss your workaholism, temper issues and saviour complex, yes? Yes. It’s couple therapy time at last, we’ll have a look at Qifrey and Olruggio’s relationship and at chapter 40 in particular through the following points:

-Panelling in the Orufrey conversation in chapter 40

-Prejudice and power imbalance in Qifrey and Olruggio’s interactions

-Help as a collaboration between equals (spoiler: they haven’t made it to that stage yet)

-What Olruggio wants from Qifrey

 Panelling in the Orufrey conversation in chapter 40

The conversation in chapter 40 is never framed as a happy reunion. If we reuse the analysis of the panels from Coco and Qifrey’s conversation I made in my previous post, we find the same markers of unease between Olruggio and Qifrey. Most of the panels are narrow, and get darker and darker as night falls. Qifrey and Olruggio rarely share a panel, and even when they do, they rarely make direct eye contact: Qifrey looks down, or Olruggio walks away from him, or they are curled in on themselves or standing on a slope at different eye level. For a while Qifrey is up in the air and mostly talking to himself. Oh yeah, and there’s a hat that gets in the way at some point.

It gives the sense that they are having two separate conversations, and that they never truly achieve the connection that we saw between Qifrey and Coco. On top of that, while the conversation is supposed to be about comforting Qifrey and earning his trust, Olruggio never manages to get a smile out of him, except for wobbly, miserable little grimaces. So what’s going through both of their heads, and why are they failing to meet halfway?

The chapter has an outward pull to it. The scene takes place on a slope that leads away from the atelier. The chapter opens with a herd of dragons flying away and into the night. Then Qifrey takes flight to look into the distance, while giving a very contradictory speech about how fulfilling yet dull his life is here, how happy yet trapped in an illusion he feels. He has to hold on to his cape as it flaps in the wind. It brings those dragons back to mind, like they are a metaphor for the side of him that wishes to escape. Qifrey’s migration season is just starting folks, it’s a confusing time for him okay.

In contrast to Qifrey looking ahead into a dark wilderness, Olruggio in this chapter is almost always looking back. He walks away from Qifrey to talk to him over his shoulder, or he looks back towards the atelier. In the only scene where he faces Qifrey full-on, the past is so present on his mind that he de-ages them both. It’s interesting, because it adds a caveat to his pledge of listening to everything Qifrey has to say: he is not so much trying to adapt to Qifrey’s new situation as he is trying to bring them back to the childhood stage of their friendship, when they were always together and kept no secret.

This whole looking ahead / looking back dichotomy brings me back to the mentality of the Great Hall, a society obsessed with keeping itself in an insulated bubble, wrapping itself in good intentions and noble ideals, and ignoring its own inner darkness and complexity. Qifrey, because of his inability to be content and stay in place, threatens that delicate balance. That sends the other witches around him into such a state of panic and outrage that even those who genuinely love him end up lashing out at him with uncharacteristic brutality.

Prejudice and power imbalance in Qifrey and Olruggio’s interactions

I have described in my previous post how vicious and oddly personal Beldaruit got in his attacks against Qifrey in chapter 36, but you can make the same case for Olruggio, especially since the two scenes run in parallel. There is something excessive about the violence with which Olruggio confronts his friend. For one, he is choosing a hell of a time to do it: the girls are safe, there is no urgency to press Qifrey for answers right this instant – except if he is hoping to shock Qifrey into honesty while he’s disoriented. Qifrey has just woken up from a three-day coma; he is half-naked in a place Olruggio knows worsens his nightmares; his scar is exposed; he is half-blind because Olruggio has taken his glasses; Olruggio is literally an angry dark blob looming over him. I’ve often heard it say that Qifrey is manipulative towards Olruggio, but in return Olruggio isn’t above using intimidation tactics against him, consciously or not.

There is also the staggering lack of empathy of the approach: what started this whole thing is that Olruggio learnt about Qifrey’s impending blindness. And his knee-jerk reaction was to attack Qifrey about it. Like, um, my dude, your friend almost died, he is going to go blind and lose his job, you wanna try being sensitive about it? (Note that Qifrey running after the Brimhats didn’t trouble Olruggio that much at first: after his interview with the Knights Moralis he is mainly concerned with “getting his story straight with Qifrey”; it’s only later on, when we see him staring at the glasses he’s just repaired, that he starts voicing his doubts about Qifrey’s intentions). He may be right to suspect that Qifrey is hiding things from him, but there’s a pretty big leap between “you are keeping secrets” and “you are wilfully using your own child as bait”.

This whole suspicious climate, that makes Olruggio jump straight to the ugliest conclusion possible, is once again a feature of the Great Hall mentality. The mind of a person who has been in contact with forbidden magic is forever corrupt, and his actions are forever suspect. Had Qifrey been anyone else, he would probably have been given the benefit of the doubt for losing track of his students while he was, you know, extremely concussed and suffering from blood loss. Interestingly, Olruggio’s concern – whether, when faced with a chance to go after the Brimhats, Qifrey would choose his quest over his students’ safety – is addressed as early as chapter 22: after an instinctive movement to rush into danger, Qifrey pulls himself back and takes measures to keep Coco and Tetia safe, and even plans to call Olruggio and the Knights Moralis as reinforcements to help rescue the others. Then he gets hit in the head by a giant snake golem, and the rest is history.

In general, Beldaruit’s and Olruggio’s accusations that Qifrey is using Coco as bait without caring for her wellbeing just don’t hold up. First, all the attacks by the Brimhats so far have occurred in completely mundane, teaching-related settings with other adults present (at the stationary shop, or during an exam), so pushing blame onto Qifrey clearly comes from prejudice rather than evidence. Second, if Qifrey’s sole aim was to get clues on the Brimhats, he would pressure Coco into taking the Librarian test as early as possible, but we keep seeing the opposite: he encourages her to take breaks and to enjoy her training rather than be laser-focused on her goals. Hilariously, out of the two tests Coco passed so far, Qifrey gave his approval for none, thinking it was too early for her (extra-hilariously, Beldaruit is the one who speed-ran Coco through her second test). I’m just saying, if Olruggio hasn’t noticed any of this and can’t take it in consideration before bringing out the accusations and threats, maybe he’s not doing that good a job as a Watchful Eye.  

Another thing about this climate of suspicion, added to the power imbalance between Qifrey and Olruggio, is that it prevents them from having a healthy fight. Olruggio invokes his duties as Watchful Eye to berate Qifrey whenever he steps out of line, but when Olruggio lets his temper carry him too far and misuses his own power (when he drags Coco out to the Knights Moralis even though she had already been officially accepted as an apprentice in volume 2, or when he accuses Qifrey of using Coco as bait in volume 7 without proof), Qifrey never criticises him for doing so. It’s not that he is shy about speaking up to power – he is more than happy to yell at Beldaruit and Easthies when they mistreat his students. But when it comes to Olruggio, Qifrey is compelled to shoulder as much blame as he can, and seems almost afraid of saying anything negative to him.

It would have been justified for Qifrey to start chapter 40 by getting mad at Olruggio for his earlier accusations: Olruggio had been insensitive, unhelpful and completely out of line. But instead Qifrey pretty much encourages Olruggio to attack him again: from his “I thought you might be mad at me” to frantically denying that Olruggio might have ever done anything wrong. In return, there is something defensive in Olruggio’s delivery during the “I’m angry that I wasn’t someone you could trust” segment: he walks away from Qifrey as he gives the non-apology, and it comes out sandwiched between criticisms of Qifrey for being reckless and a long speech of Olruggio praising himself, and how everything would be alright if only Qifrey behaved himself and relied on him more. It’s an issue that this old distribution of roles is so well-entrenched between them, with Olruggio as the golden student and Qifrey as the eternal problem child.

Qifrey’s exaggerated gentleness and praise towards Olruggio participates in the feeling of wrongness that weighs on chapter 40. The memory erasure scene is framed like a kiss, and Qifrey keeps complimenting him even after sending him into an unnatural sleep. It would come across as condescending and manipulative, except for how fervently Qifrey seems to want to believe that Olruggio is perfect, and that any dysfunction in their relationship has to come from him.

Qifrey, focused as he is on his own dark secrets, is utterly unwilling to see any darkness in Olruggio. It makes sense when you consider that Qifrey has also been absorbing the prejudices of the Great Hall: he thinks very little of himself, and has probably been looking up to Olruggio as a moral compass ever since Olruggio took him under his wing as a child. He must also comfort himself with the thought that, when/if his quest drags him away from the atelier, Olruggio will be a perfect teacher for the girls. Having to come to terms with Olruggio’s flaws must be terrifying to him. But what about Olruggio’s perspective in all this?

Olruggio is an example of how even those who materially benefit from an elitist, close-minded society are damaged by it in some way. He grew up in the Great Hall as a bright-eyed, idealistic genius, and even as an adult he clings to the principles of that society like a mantra: “bring the blessings of magic to the people”. He is successful and respected by his peers, popular with the nobles and well-liked among the commoners. Yet somewhere along the way he became a ragged, workaholic hermit.

I have mentioned in previous posts that I suspect Olruggio of grappling with his own, deep-seated fear of being unwanted and left behind. He betrays that fear in the way he is attacking Qifrey: his concerns about Qifrey’s treatment of Coco aren’t based on evidence, and underneath that veneer he is mostly complaining that Qifrey is neglecting him. “Be straight with me”, “Don’t lie to me”, “You wouldn’t even tell me about it”, “You took her as a student without a word to me first”. There again, Olruggio is being a bit hazy on how far his influence goes as Watchful Eye: from what we know, Watchful Eyes are meant to ensure that students don’t get mistreated, but they don’t get a say in who teaches whom: it’s the disciples who choose their masters. Olruggio grumbling about Qifrey adopting more and more children behind his back is cute when we treat them as a couple. But from the perspective of their professional relationship, Olruggio is claiming the right to veto Qifrey’s students and take them away from him without any evidence of abuse.

The problem is that Olruggio is very bad at expressing his feelings without using his job, and therefore his authority, as a crutch. It’s endearing when he uses it to explain away his gifts to the girls (“I just want them to test a prototype”) or his marks of affection and care (“Drying your hair so you don’t catch a cold is part of my duties as Watchful Eye!”). However, it adds a layer of threat to his arguments with Qifrey, because he is constantly dangling that authority over his head, even when he is urging Qifrey to trust him. In his more agitated moments, it turns into a one-man good-cop / bad-cop performance (“Step out of line and I’ll report you” / “Why won’t you confide in me? I’m your best friend!”). Sure, he is willing to side with Qifrey against the Knights Moralis when he deems it appropriate, but here’s the catch: Olruggio gets to decide where the line in the sand lies, and that line seems to shift depending on how hot his temper is flaring at any given time.

It’s no wonder their conversation lends them in a dead-end when it is so one-sided. Thourghout the manga, and in volume 8 in particular, the author explores the idea that help should be a collaborative effort between equals, that encourages both parties to grow and learn more about themselves. Trying to unilaterally “save” someone is almost guaranteed to miss the mark and come across as condescending; it might even cause further harm.

Help as a collaboration between equals

Therefore, Qifrey and Olruggio can’t really come to any connection unless they make it clear that they are helping each other, not just endlessly acting out their roles as the golden student who knows all the right answers, and the problem child who must be saved from himself.

Aside from the framing, help as an equivalent exchange is the other key difference between chapter 40 and Qifrey and Coco’s dialogue earlier in the volume. In order to counter Coco’s doubts and growing self-hatred, Qifrey reinforces everything he admires about Coco: from her social skills and capacity for teamwork to her practical skills and her straight lines. He reminds her of all the things that she achieved so far. He also strongly hints that her fight is his fight, too, and that they should hold onto hope for each other’s sake. Finally, he makes a (pretty dramatic, unnecessarily literal and definitely unsafe, but still awesome) leap of faith by letting her decide what direction she wants to take next. His support isn’t conditional on Coco making the “right” choice, but freely offered. In return, Coco makes a display of saving Qifrey as well, saying she wants him right by her side while she figures out her path. The rescue itself is symbolic (it would actually have been safer for Qifrey to go back on his own), but Qifrey’s gratitude is genuine, because Coco made him feel valued, irreplaceable, just as Beldaruit and Olruggio were making him doubt his place as a teacher.

By contrast, Olruggio’s speech of friendship contains a grand total of ONE compliment, served in such a back-handed way that it sounds almost like a warning: “To Coco, you are a good teacher, so don’t betray that trust”. This is weighted against a slurry of criticisms about Qifrey’s recklessness, and heaps of self-praise. Olruggio is making a case for why Qifrey needs help and why Olruggio is best-qualified to deliver that help, like he is making a sales pitch to a client. It’s probably not a coincidence that Olruggio is remembering his successful bout of diplomacy in chapter 39 as he gears himself for his conversation with Qifrey. Olruggio, look, I get that you have more faith in your professional persona than in your regular self, but you can’t talk to your best friend like you are doing customer service, it just doesn’t work that way.

The help that Olruggio offers leaves no room for Qifrey’s input: once Qifrey has confided everything and laid himself bare, Olruggio will pick apart “where he needs the help” and “when he is about to do something stupid”, and either support or stop him as he judges appropriate. It reinforces Qifrey’s inferiority complex and interiorised guilt, by implying that his moral compass can’t be trusted. It also places the blame for Qifrey’s rash actions solely on his lack of judgement, rather than on having to grapple with complex, life-threatening situations and being caught in a pincer between a terrorist group and an oppressive system. There’s no mention that the definition of what’s “lawful” and “responsible” and “just” has gotten a bit messed up lately, and that Olruggio himself has had to compromise with his duties to cover for the kids. Olruggio fakes confidence in his capacity to fix everything, and pretends that things can go back to the way they were, but it would have been more honest of him to ask Qifrey to work with him so they can form a united front to face their new, complex reality.

Instead, by claiming that he is helping Qifrey out of a sense of duty, as Watchful Eye and as a friend, Olruggio reinforces the feeling that Qifrey is a burden to him. This gives Qifrey more incentive to keep his friend away from his investigations, and to see himself as expendable. In that light, since their friendship brings Olruggio so much trouble and so few benefits, betraying him and stealing the memories that relate to Qifrey’s secrets start to look like the lesser evil.

The only way that the conversation in chapter 40 could have gone well is if they both freely admitted to needing each other. However, it is too early in Olruggio’s character arc to be honest about his own feelings and worries. And it is too early in Qifrey’s character arc to see past his own self-loathing and recognize that his “perfect” friend also needs support and guidance. Yet, when they do, it is hinted that Olruggio can draw inspiration from Qifrey, and help Qifrey in a more meaningful way by highlighting how Qifrey matters to him, letting them reach this stage of true collaboration.

What Olruggio wants from Qifrey

I think Olruggio is repressing a sense of disillusionment about his work, the fairness of the system, and his usefulness as a witch. We see glimpses of his anxiety in chapter 39 notably. While he says that his true role is to help the commoners, circumstances keep reminding him that like it or not, his main function is decorative. He gets dragged in on short notice to be yanked around by petty nobles and arrange light shows at weddings; he has to act in secret to help the destitute, and even then can only do so much before the rules of magic society get in his way. So far he manages to keep his head above water, using his talent for diplomacy and showmanship to keep the nobles appeased, and finding small, creative ways to help commoners without breaking any law. But it leaves him with the feeling of being trapped in an increasingly constraining role, and is slowly pushing him towards a burn out.

He seems to feel a kinship with princess Mia, who like him is used as a tool in petty squabbles between nobles. He even metaphorically puts himself in her shoes: after likening her situation to being trapped in the spotlight in a dance she doesn’t want, he applies the same metaphor to himself and his inability to act outside the narrow constraints of witch rules, of being constantly watched and judged. And then, adorably enough, Olruggio actually brings Qifrey into the metaphor. He muses that Qifrey, who has gone against established rules before, might be the key to escaping that dance.

For all that the “problem child” / “star student” dichotomy has been weighing on Olruggio and Qifrey and warping their friendship, there is a flip side to it as well. As a prodigy who always pressures himself to perform perfectly (to the point where he will work himself to a zombie-like state and then hide behind a mask to look perfect and pristine in front of his clients at parties, Olruggio no), Qifrey provides a chance at escapism. For all that he berates him for causing trouble, Olruggio seems to fondly remember their old adventures. It’s possible that he valued the opportunity to do rebellious, forbidden things without having to jeopardise his reputation. His fear of being left behind by Qifrey is then also a fear of losing his hope that, when the pressure of being the perfect witch becomes too much to bear, Qifrey will be there to break him free.

In summary, Olruggio wants Qifrey to be his rebellious prince who breaks him free from the ballroom, and we respect him for it. Qifrey had his reasons for not being able to confide in him, and they both have a lot of character development to do before they can reach a stage of actual collaboration and trust. But I don’t dispute that taking his memories was a dick move. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.  

[im-so-stuupid]

lets be friends lol

heyyy, my name is monse but you can call me Mo. i’m an 18 y/o mexican american w ADHD, i think that sums me up ok.

i’ve posted something like this two years in a row so let’s just make it a tradition :)

i’m about to graduate highschool and i’m honestly scared. my first post to try and make friend was about liking one direction, harry styles, and some other stuff i’ve forgotten, last years post was about me liking Minecraft youtubers and all that, but it’s safe to say those are no longer my main hyperfixations. i’m always down to talk about the minecraft community (the good and bad),the toxicity of the internet in general, and to discuss important topics overall, though, my current obsession is now percy jackson again.

To all of the seniors going through tough times right now and are feeling lost,scared, and not ready, i feel you. if you need someone to hear you out just hit me up. really, as dumb as you think you sound or feel, feelings are feelings. dealing with mental illness and other unhealthy habits at this point makes me feel a little bit helpless and scared to move on from high school, but i have to remind myself that i am not alone in this, that other people understand this feeling too. so im here for you, and proud of all of us who have tried our best to make it to graduation.

but anyways,,, let me tell you about me and my relationship with PJO

i loved percy jackson when i was in middle school and it was my whole childhood. i never finished the heroes of olympus series because i think i was scared to have it all come to an end. Now that i’m a senior about to graduate i’ve decided to reread the books and finally finish the series, and i need people to talk to about the books :D i think finishing this series is the closure that i need, but i feel like many people (especially seniors) are going through tough spots right now and if you need someone to talk to and if you are willing to hear me rant about percy jackson once in a while don’t be shy to hit me up! just a “hey” to start a convo and it can lead somewhere

and of course pery jackson isnt the only thing ive been liking recently,if you want to talk music im always open to reccomendations! currently ive been back into tyler the creator but i think he might just be my all-time fav, rex orange county being a close second though, ive also been listening to panic at the disco again lmfao mostly the first two albums tho because they are the best (i don't accept criticism on this), and i guess ive been listeing to some mac miller, will wood, glass animals, harry styles, declan mckenna, and a bit of carseatheadrest loll.

i like minecraft, geoguessr and tbh i love playing fortnite because i suck and its really funny to do dumb shit so im down to game if you want. (i also have stardew and terraria if anyone would like to play with me). if you can teach me or want to learn how to play chess with me that would be sick tooi also quite enjoy crafting, i occasionally like to crochet, make friendship bracelets,make silly little clay things,draw, and paint.

I dont watch many shows or movies but i am really fucking excited for the new season of the umbrella academy to come out and for the new doctor strange movie as well, like SO excited. and ofc the PJO series that is in the works AHHH. my current fave youtubers are the sturniolo triplets and the only podcast i watch/listen to is the chuckle sandwich podcast but i do love emergency intercom as well.

so yeah, hmu if you wanna chat about anything and everything, all of the time ;) (also i forgot to mention that im gay but if you are homophobic please leave)

April 14, 2022

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Six. 

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 13.8k

WARNINGS: sexual content

come talk to me about wtsgd! i’d love to know your thoughts! 

January 4, 2018 

With every article of clothing that flew from the closet, Harry neatly folded each piece as he laid them flat in Luci’s suitcase. He remained seated on her beige rug, leaning against the side of her bed with an open luggage that was sat next to him as he intently listened to her ramble nervously about the new adventure she was about to take on. 

Luci had a flight tomorrow morning that was quite early for her own liking, and she was just now packing her belongings. To be fair, she had been busy meeting Samantha for extra discussions about work, and she even met her new manager, Thea, who had been so excited to meet her and manage her. Thea was a forty-two-year-old woman who had quite the experience in being a Hollywood manager. Her and Samantha were a dream-team, as they would like to call themselves, for a few years now and they’d managed to raise the newest stars up on the Hollywood sign itself. Their work was promising, and Luci put her trust and her career in the hand of the two women. 

For the past three days, Harry and Luci had been spending as much time with each other. They were saddened to be together for only three days, which was the exact amount of time they’d officially been in a relationship. But they were making the most of their time with making dinners together and sleepovers since that was the only available time Luci had since she had been so busy during the day. Harry was lucky school wasn’t back in session yet so he could put his full attention on Luci. 

Once her luggage was filled with all different types of clothing and shoes, Harry closed it for her, rolling it over next to the front door before grabbing the duffel bag he lent her and dropping it next to the luggage. It was nearing ten at night and Luci had to leave for the airport at four in the morning since Thea had booked her flight for six because she was going straight to the studio to meet the rest of the cast and do table readings. 

Harry found Luci leaning against the countertop with her back towards him. He could tell just how tense she was because of her anxiety and nerves that were boiling in her body; her shoulders seemed like they were frozen because of how tense she was, and he knew her neck started to ache because she kept rolling her head around to relieve the pain. All he wanted her to do was relax, and he could only do so much to help her ease the nerves. 

He’d learned that Luci’s love language was words of affirmation, indicating that she needed constant reassurance. It seemed fitting because as an actress, she always wanted feedback on her work; plus, she was always one for needing validation for every single thing she was proud of. And Harry seemed like the perfect guy to give her that reassurance because he loved uplifting her mood, hyping her up, and making her happy. 

Pressing his chest against her back, he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin against her shoulder. His hands rubbed her lower stomach, and just the mere touch had made her relax as she loosened up in his arms; he held her up tightly so she wouldn’t have to anymore. 

“You okay, baby?” He asked, knowing it was a dumb question, but he always wanted to make sure. 

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just nervous,” she responded, even though he had already known. 

He kissed her cheek, and Luci melted. “You’re gonna do amazing, I just know it. The producers were so impressed with you that they wanted you to be in their movie. No one could deny your talent, Ci, I can promise you that. You’re fucking marvelous.” He had said the exact words that Luci needed to hear; she smiled, caressing his tattooed arm with her soft hand. 

“Thank you, baby.” She turned her head to the side, meeting his lips before planting an appreciative kiss for all that he had done for her. 

“C’mon, wanna show you something.” He unwrapped his arms, making her turn around suspiciously before leading her into her bedroom. 

On her bed was a photo album that had a brown leather exterior with black trimmings to protect the edge of the book. They both sat on the edge of the bed as they looked down at the front of the album. 

“This is just a little something that I thought you would appreciate,” Harry said before handing it to her. 

Luci slowly opened it to the first page of the album. Taped on a thick white construction paper was the Playbill booklet of the show, along with Harry’s ticket that he purchased next to it; at the bottom had the date of the night Luci had performed for the first time in Harry’s handwriting. On the back of the first page was every single good review everyone had to say about Luciana Suki. The reviews were cut out into strips as he tried to fit as many reviews as he possibly could on the square paper. When Harry was glueing the reviews on them, he left out about ten critics because they simply couldn’t fit on the paper; a sense of proudness had washed over him because Luci was just a likeable person along with her amazing talent—no one could not like her, 

Flipping the clear plastic sheet protector, the next page was Halloween, where Harry printed the pictures Nina had taken of them. He did not forget to write at the bottom of the page that it was Luci who had asked him out, along with the date. They both laughed once they read it because it was a memory they simply would never forget. 

On the back of the Halloween page was their first date. They had taken a selfie in front of the sunset, moments before their first kiss, capturing their well-spent day together. Along with their picture was the fair food Harry had taken, imitating a food blogger; a picture of Luci with wide eyes, staring into the camera as she took a bite of her food. Harry had smiled, heart fluttering after he’d taken the picture. 

The last page was recent; the day Harry asked her to be his girlfriend. He’d managed to make a copy of the photobooth strips since he wanted to keep the real ones on hand. The date he asked her was written in between the third and last picture as those were the exact moments he’d asked her and she said yes. 

The scrapbook was the most sentimental and thoughtful gift Luci had ever received; the time and effort Harry had put into making the entire thing showed within his creative scrapbooking skills, and it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever given her. 

“Harry…” her eyes were blurry from the tears, threatening to fall out. 

“This’ll be our little memory book. I know it’s very early in our relationship, but I just want you to know how much you mean to me, and that I’ll look back on these memories and smile because we had the best times. And I’ll keep this going and fill it with all future memories and your accomplishments because I’m so incredibly proud of you.” He delicately took her face into his hands as if he was holding a piece of art as he caressed her soft cheek with his thumb. Luci’s tears had hit his finger, overwhelmed with how much adoration and admiration Harry was giving her. 

“Thank you. I…adore you so much.” 

Far too early to say those three words, she settled for the second closest thing that verbally told him how she felt, but her feelings were just as close to the real thing, no matter if it was too early or not. 

Harry blushed. “I adore you, too.” 

Just like her, he felt those three words swimming on the tip of his tongue. His heart was beating unbelievably fast for how early their relationship was, and he made no effort into slowing down his heartbeat because he quite liked how she had that affect on him. 

Gently, she connected her lips with his. They kissed and swirled their tongues together as the electric spark ignited inside of them. Luci held onto him as tight as she possibly could, savoring his presence, his touch, his closeness since she would go months without any of those things. 

He pulled away from their intense and passionate kisses, making Luci pout and he quickly pecked her lips, kissing her frown away. 

“Can I show you how much I adore you?” 

The question had caught her off-guard. “You wanna…” 

“Only if you’d let me. I wanna take care of you,” he said genuinely. It didn’t take Luci long to nod yes. “Let me hear you say it. Please, I need your words.” Harry pleaded. 

She looked at him intently before she softly said, “Take care of me, Harry.” 

Her words only brought him relief before he kissed her cheek and pushed at her shoulder to lie back. Luci got comfortable as she laid in the middle of the bed; Harry had moved his lips down to her neck, kissing and nibbling at her skin but not hard enough to leave a mark. She softly moaned at the feeling; his lips had affected her quite a lot, and it always left her wondering what else he could possibly do with those pink lips of his and she was finally going to find out. 

Harry settled in between her legs, which she was quick to welcome him. He was hovering over her, kissing every bit of exposed skin that he saw as his hands were toying with the hem of her sweater. 

“Can I take this off?” He asked, referring to her sweater.

“Yes.” She nodded.

Harry lifted her sweater, chills entered her skin as her warm sweater was taken away from her and thrown to the side of the bed. The newest bit of skin that he hadn’t seen only made him want to kiss every inch of her, to learn and memorize every crevice and dip of body. Eagerly, he kissed the valley and tops of her breasts.

“You’re so beautiful, Luciana,” he complimented. There was something about Harry telling her that she was beautiful and adding her full name with it that made her feel like snow on a warm day; she had melted entirely just by his statement.

He took her hardened nipple into his mouth, sucking and licking and pulling at it. Luci’s hand met his hair, scratching his scalp lightly as she let out soft breaths of air. Kissing down her body, her eagerness heightened as she subconsciously bucked her hips slightly into his torso as she felt Harry smirk against her stomach. 

“Don’t laugh,” she said, looking down at him. Harry looked up as her elbows were slightly propped up against the bed with a smile that matched his. 

“Not gonna laugh, baby.”

“Okay…” she dragged out, her tone teasing. 

Continuing, he kissed the skin above the hem of her leggings before he asked if he could take them off, and she said yes. Kneeling on the bed, he took off her dark grey leggings as her legs went straight up; she was left in her cotton nude underwear, and Harry felt like he could come on the spot. He’d truly never seen someone so beautiful until he met Luci, and his admiration for her had only increased. 

“Stunning. Gorgeous. Every fucking synonym for the word ‘beautiful.’” He was amazed by her beauty, and he clearly wasn’t afraid to let her know. He loved the way she looked when she was shy and flustered, and when her cheeks would heat up too much for her own liking. But Harry thought she was absolutely adorable when she was feeling those emotions. 

“Harry, you’re too sweet.” 

“Mm, and I bet you are too?” He raised his brows, a smug smile appeared on his face. Luci bit one side of her bottom lip before she licked her lips. 

“Then why don’t you hurry up and taste for yourself.” In all honesty, she was impatient, and she was eager to feel his mouth against her. 

Harry chuckled, grabbing one of her ankles as he pressed a kiss to it, trailing his lips along the inside of her legs. He felt the goosebumps that had pricked her legs, and he loved having that sort of affect on her. Once he got to her thigh, he put her leg down and laid on his stomach in between her legs before proceeding to kiss up her thighs. 

Satisfaction was handed to him when he heard Luci heavily breathing through her nose due to his heavy and teasing kisses when he hadn’t even touched her where she wanted it the most. 

“Baby, please.” Luci’s tone was desperate as her arousal only increased, anticipating the relief she was going to feel once he touched her core. 

“Alright, alright. Since you said ‘please.’” He removed her underwear and dragged them off her legs. The sight and scent of her only salivated his mouth, only ready to devour and pleasure her to the fullest. His blood had rushed below his waist, slightly straining against his sweatpants. “Fuck, aren’t you a sight.” Luci felt shy and intimidated under his stare, causing her to close her legs, but he was quick to stop her before she closed them all the way. “No need to go shy on me, Ci. Just admiring your beauty because you’re absolutely marvelous.” She thanked him, a small smile found her face. “Now, can I please get a taste?” He asked once more. 

“Yeah, make me feel good.” 

He kissed the crevice of where her thigh and vulva met before he licked her clit. A spark was sent through her body as he continued licking, sucking her sensitive bud into his mouth, pulling back slightly. 

The feeling of his mouth on her was everything she ever hoped for. She had been so stressed about the changes that were happening quite quickly that made her feel on edge and extra needy. Especially when Harry was her boyfriend, looking extra good, she was particularly eager to jump his bones. 

“Mm, yeah, like that.” She moaned out, bucking her hips against his mouth as the tip of his tongue rimmed around her entrance, collecting and tasting her arousal. 

“Taste so good, fuck. Could be down here for hours,” he said before he boldly licked a long stripe from her weeping hole to her clit. 

He took his thumb and rubbed the bud, making her jolt because of how sensitive she was already while taking his middle finger, lubricating it with her wetness before inserting it into her hole. He pumped in and out, curled his finger, and caressed her walls, all while slowly rubbing her clit in circles. Harry earned a throaty moan, and since his hands were occupied, he finally had a moment to really look at her and take in her appearance on what he was doing to her. 

His beautiful girlfriend had her legs wide open with her back arched. She let out a string of moans and a series of curses as she placed her hands on her tits, kneading the flesh and playing with her nipples to only add to her sensitivity and pleasure. 

Harry was rock hard once he had a taste of her, but seeing her playing with herself, touching herself was the cherry on top. As if he could help it, he bucked his hips against the edge of the mattress as he let out a soft moan of relief, even though he’d rather have Luci touch him herself. 

“Harry. Harry. Harry.” She chanted as if it were the last and only thing she knew. His name off her tongue sounded like poetry—so sultry, so sensual, and so seductive. He never wanted another person to say his name again because for all he knew, Luci had possession of it. 

“C’mon, baby. Get there. Get there for me, yeah?” He never once stopped his movements, and he would beat himself up over it if he did. 

“Another…finger.” Luci requested, and he complied. Adding his index finger right next to his middle, he curled both of them up in sync, hitting the soft part of her upper walls and her g-spot. 

He relentlessly hit her sweet spot over and over again, and it had Luci moaning loudly; her sounds bounced off the walls of her room, going straight to Harry’s ears. Just as Luci was, he was on the edge as well; he continued rutting his hips against the mattress and wanted to release so badly, but he was waiting for Luci’s pleasure to wash over her. 

Replacing his thumb that was rubbing her clit so graciously with his tongue, he flicked his tongue up and down in a fast motion as he kept fingering her. She was quick to respond to the change as she tightened around his finger. 

“When you’re ready, baby, come for me.” 

Those were just the words that she needed to hear; her breaths were staggered as they were caught in her throat. For a moment in between the anticipated orgasm she’d been waiting for, she looked down at Harry because she knew that with just one look at him, she would combust. And when she did, Luci met his jaded eyes that were looking so hopeful for her release, like he was hungry for it. Her mouth fell open, disconnecting her vision from Harry as she threw her head back onto the pillow while her orgasm had tickled her skin into a toe-curling, back-arching, and loud-moaning pleasure that took her breath away. 

The rough tugs of Harry’s hair from Luci’s hands and the taste of her orgasm on his tongue only gave him the release that he was working for. He moaned against her core as the vibrations were sent through her body, making her shake. Harry’s hips slowed its movements as he breathed heavily through his nose, licking and tasting every drop that Luci had to offer him. 

Harry rested his head against Luci’s thigh; they both were catching their breaths from their orgasm as soft huffs came from their mouths. She propped her elbows up and looked down at the gorgeous man below her who was pressing kisses to her inner thigh. Running a hand through his hair, Harry looked up and she gave him a sweet smile. He crawled onto the bed, still in between her legs as he propped down onto her chest; Luci giggled at his adorableness. 

“You’re…,” she couldn’t finish her sentence as her orgasm made her speechless. Harry planted his elbows next to her, coming face-to-face with Luci before pressing a kiss to her lips. She could taste herself on him as she swirled her tongue with his. “Thank you.” 

“Anytime, anywhere, Ci. I should be thanking you, though.” Luci tilted her head in confusion. “I, uh, seemed to have taken care of myself also,” he said bashfully as her eyebrows raised. So, that’s what all the moaning and heavy breathing was about, she said to herself. “I’m sorry, that’s kinda embarrassing-”

“No.” She immediately stopped him. “That’s not embarrassing at all. That’s actually pretty fucking hot.” She reassured, the corner of her lips turning up. 

“Really?” He’d never came before while eating someone out, but he’d been so captivated by her sounds and her taste that he couldn’t help but let himself go. 

“Hell yeah, baby.” She placed a hand on his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss. Their kiss didn’t deepen or lead to anything more than just sweet affection; it was enough to ease all of Harry’s worries away. 

Once they giggled and shared a few kisses, they cleaned up and refreshed themselves for bed. Harry’s ability to make her feel incredibly good had made her forget that she had a flight to catch early in the morning; and it would take her away from Harry for four months. Her sadness and anxiousness had begun to settle once they finally got comfortable under the covers—more so, Harry was comfortable as Luci was anxious. 

Despite the dreamy orgasm, her body was tense against him, and he’d felt it easily. He turned his head to look at her, and her mind was present; she stared up at the ceiling, toying with her fingers as she rolled her foot in circles, her ankles occasionally cracking once they returned to the starting point. 

“Hey,” Harry broke her away from her thoughts; Luci looked up at him. “You okay?” 

She nodded, though he could still sense her unsureness. “Just sad…nervous,” she admitted. 

Harry lowered himself on the bed so he could be leveled to where she was laying. They shared a pillow, which they’d done plenty of times and left no room for the ‘cold side of the pillow.’ But it was intimate and sweet, and a mix of both their scents combined. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking?” He asked softly. 

Luci took a deep breath before she started. “Everything��s happening so fast, and it’s making me nervous. I-I just don’t want things to completely change.” 

“Nothing’s gonna change, Ci. And if it does, it’ll be for the better. Your career is gonna take off and you’re gonna star in so many amazing films and shows. That’s what you wanted, right?” 

“Yeah…” The one thing on her mind had been bugging her for the past few days, and it drove her up the wall once she thought about it too much. But the only way for her to put her gear into reverse and come down from that wall was to tell him the truth. “I don’t want anything to change between us.” 

If he was being honest, Harry had thought about that quite a bit. Hell, he’d thought about it even before he asked her to be his girlfriend and when they were just friends. He had thought about how when Luci was famous, their relationship and friendship was bound to change. Would they still be together? Would they still be friends? Would she forget about him and forget about their time that was spent together? So many questions had scrambled in his brain that all of the overthinking thoughts felt so familiar to him. 

But he wasn’t going to spew out every single one. 

Instead, he kept an optimistic attitude about their relationship. 

“Nothing’s gonna change, alright? We’re gonna get through this. And if things do change, we’ll work together to adjust to it,” he reassured, although he was unsure himself. He didn’t want to add more fuel to the fire Luci had in her head at the moment because that would only make things worse. Plus, she had a flight to catch early in the morning, and she really needed to rest now. 

His words seemed to calm her mind down, and she was grateful that one of them was stable enough to comfort the other. So, she nodded, taking what he said to heart. They were gonna get through this, and she put her whole faith on them. 

She murmured a ‘thank you,’ feeling too tired to talk any more as it seemed her head had exhausted her. She got comfortable next to Harry, tucked away in his side as her fists huddled up the material of his sweater, wrinkling the area. Harry rubbed her back, soothing his girlfriend for a little before hearing snores, thankful that she was able to sleep with no trouble. 

He lied awake in a complete daze as the only thing on his mind was Luci and how amazing she was without the complete knowledge that their relationship was definitely going to change. 

It had been two weeks since Luci left for California, and Harry had never felt more alone in his life, not even during the times before he met Luci. He knew it would only get better with time, but he’d gone months talking and seeing her almost everyday until this moment. 

She made sure to text him whenever she got the chance to, which he was relieved about. Her texts had always provided a sense of comfort and happiness to him whenever he saw her name on his phone. Each greeting was filled with excitement and longing. Whenever it just so happened that Harry was busy and Luci was available, she’d text him ‘I miss you,’ along with other types of messages that practically begged Harry to get a glance at his phone to see who was blowing up his phone. 

Their new long-distance relationship was unfamiliar as neither of them had ever been in one before. It was unspoken how they handled it, besides from the basic ‘call or text me when you get the chance.’ However they knew they’d face the problem head-on together. 

“Alright, everyone, hope you all have a great and safe weekend!” Harry announced once the loud bell rang before them. “Make sure to catch up on all your readings, please. You know who you are,” he said in a teasing tone. 

He sat down in his black chair that swiveled and reclined, great for his back; a few of his students had asked him a few questions about their essays once he sat down, which he was happy to help and glad to see that they were using their time to ask him questions. He said ‘goodbye’ to the last student who was exiting his classroom and wished him a ‘happy Friday.’ 

Pulling out his phone from the top drawer of his desk, he smiled as his phone lit up, seeing a message from Luci that was sent thirty minutes ago. 

Finished with table reading :) Might go for some drinks with the cast. Hope class is doing well! 

Quickly, he typed back. His fingers seemed to take over, hoping she’d see his message before she puts her phone down for another few hours. 

Hi, baby. Just finished with class and gonna head home in a bit. Are you up for a call later tonight? No worries if you can’t and you’re out. x 

Harry set his phone down once he didn’t see the bubble pop up as he looked at their message thread for two minutes. He figured he could get some grading done and impute the student’s grades into the system so he could distract himself and make use of his time. 

Every five minutes, he would pick up his phone, and once he saw that there was no text from Luci, he’d put it face down and get back to work. He did that for the next two hours, and ended up staying until four, grading papers and constantly checking his phone. 

A knock on his classroom door had made him whip his head towards it, finding his colleague standing in the doorframe. 

“Not going home any time soon?” Carina, one of the math teachers, crossed her arms and smiled a bit. She was one of the first teachers Harry had made friends with and one of the closest in the school. She’d been working at the middle school for three years and had introduced Harry to the staff once he started teaching. Harry had to admit, he had the slightest bit of crush on Carina as her red hair and green eyes seemed to attract him. 

They hung out a few times, mostly inside one of their classrooms during lunch. Harry even developed the tiniest crush on her, only because Carina was a new person in his life and she was quite nice. 

There had been one Friday where Harry invited her to his apartment, and they popped a bottle of wine and talked and drank. She was nice, Harry thought. But the wine had gotten the best of both of them and they soon found their lips pressed against one another. Harry thought it was nice to kiss someone, but as Carina pulled his hair and stuck her tongue into his mouth, he realized that his crush for her had disappeared instead of heightening as it was supposed to. So, he stopped her by pulling back, explaining that they couldn’t do that anymore and that he was sorry. He truly didn’t want to lead her on. Luckily, she was understanding and told him that she was going to head home. 

But to his surprise on her way out, they ran into Luci who was just unlocking her door from a night out. On the inside, he was freaking out because his new neighbor had caught him red-handed—the neighbor he thought was incredibly beautiful. And he found himself completely drawn to her, pushing his feelings for Carina out of his body and welcoming the new profound feelings he had for his neighbor. 

“Uh, I’m not sure yet,” he answered. 

“Okay, well, since it’s still early, I was wondering if you’d like to hang out?” She asked confidently. Carina had always been quite confident and was a people person. Harry, on the other hand, wasn’t so much a talker when it came to new people; it really depended on that person’s vibe. 

He weighed his options in his head. He so badly wanted to talk to Luci tonight, or whenever he got the chance, and he was afraid that whenever she did text back, he’d be hanging out with Carina and not giving her his undivided attention because he hated being on his phone when hanging out with someone. 

“Uh, maybe next time? Sorry, I’ve been-”

“No, it’s okay. I get it, you don’t have to explain. Have a good weekend, Harry.” She smiled, although he could sense the defeat from rejection inside before she walked down the hall and away from his classroom. 

Harry felt bad, honestly. He didn’t like disappointing people or making them feel like what Carina probably felt. But he just hoped that his rejection still made them friends because he wasn’t really close to anyone in the teaching staff. 

A big yawn took over him for a moment as he stretched his back and arms into the air before he decided it was time to go home. He hadn’t had much plans after Luci left, seeing as most of his plans for the weekend involved her, and he hoped that he could at least hear a snippet of her voice tonight to help fill the void of her presence. 

But when Harry got into bed at eleven at night, he’d lost hope, and would try again tomorrow. It was minutes of tossing and turning, not finding the right position for his liking. So, he accepted his discomfort and laid on his stomach, arms and legs spread across the mattress. After a few moments of lying in silence, his phone began to vibrate against his bedside table. He looked at his phone that was face down on the wooden table, the slightest bit of light shining from the edges. Sighing, he decided to take a look at who might be calling him, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Luci’s contact picture and name plastered all over the screen. 

Quickly, he pressed the green button to answer. “Hello?” 

“Harry!” She said loudly against the speaker phone. He could hear chatter around her and utensils hitting the glass plates, so he assumed she was at a restaurant. 

“Hi, love. How are you?” 

“I’m good.” She dragged the word ‘good’ out, giggling at the end of it. Luci had been drinking for a few hours now, casually sipping her drink that was barely enough to get her fully drunk as everyone was talking amongst themselves and eating. But one of her cast members had bought continuous rounds of tequila shots, so she was now to the point of drunk—tripping over her step, finding everything funny, and wanting to talk to her boyfriend. “I miss you.” 

“I miss you more, love. I’m so happy I get to speak to you, even if it’s just for a moment,” he said honestly. He truly believed that not talking to Luci up until he slept at night was the reason why he was up, completely sleepless. 

“Me too. I’m sorry I didn’t text you back…” she said softly as she stood in the middle of the hallway of the restaurant that led to the restrooms. 

“No worries. I’m glad you’re having a great time, though. That’s all that matters to me is that you’re happy.” His genuinity made her eyes full with tears. She wasn’t usually someone one who cried when she was drunk, but just hearing Harry’s voice and not being physically next to him made her emotional. Sue her. 

“I am having a great time. Just wish you were here.” 

“Me too.” 

“Miss everything about you.” 

Harry smiled, laying on his back with one of his arms propped behind his head. “Yeah?” 

“Mhm. Missed your hugs, your kisses, your eyes, your lips. Swear, they’re the best lips I’ve ever kissed.” Her voice was low, not wanting the people who passed her to hear what she was saying for Harry only 

He couldn’t help but blush at her flirting. Even over the phone and on the other side of the country, she still managed to make him blush while his heart flipped. 

“Well, now you’re just flattering me, baby.” His accented voice that was crackled through the phone had sent a chill down her spine, making her bite her lip as she leaned against the wall. 

“I’m being serious!” She exclaimed, talking over the loud clatter of plates and glasses as the restaurant was cleaning up for closing. 

“What else do you miss about me?” Now, he was just teasing. It stroked his ego to hear her tell him everything she’d missed about him; it made him feel good inside. 

“Missed…” she paused for a moment as she was unsure if she should say such a thing in public. 

“C’mon, tell me, Ci,” he encouraged. His tone was pleading, and if she were right in front of him and not across the country, he’d be on his knees in front of her just by how he presented his words. 

“Missed you between my legs.” She curled his lips into her bite, preventing herself from biting her lip as she might accidentally seduce someone that passed by. 

Harry smirked. “Yeah? What do you miss about that?” He heard her sigh, and he knew that she was trapped under his spell that he’d miraculously casted from New York. With that certain memory, he constantly thought about it. The sounds she made. The way she tasted. How she felt in his hold. It made sure she was tattooed in his mind. 

“Missed how you made me feel good; how your mouth and fingers felt inside of me.” Her voice itself was enough to get Harry’s cock to twitch inside of his sweatpants as it was extra raspy because she was trying her hardest to keep her volume at a low level. Now, she couldn’t stop confessing everything she missed about him, and who was Harry to tell her to stop? “I miss the way you would lick me, how you would tease me a little even though it drove me insane. I missed the way your hair felt between my fingers, and when you would moan because I pulled at them roughly. I, especially, miss the way you made yourself feel good and how you came just from seeing me come. That was my favorite part of that night.”

She crossed one of her legs over the other as she squeezed her thighs together. Her words had given her blinks of flashbacks from their last night together; and oh, how she so badly wanted to make that moment last. Harry was fully hard underneath his pants, and he tried his hardest not to relieve the straining pain. 

“Fuck, baby. You have no idea how much I miss you.” 

“Promise me you’ll show me once we’re together again,” she demanded, and a smug smile appeared on his face. 

“That’s definitely a promise, Luciana.” 

There he goes again with her full name, Luci thought. Before she was about to respond, she saw the group get up from their chairs from her peripheral view. 

“I’m looking forward to it, baby. I-I gotta go.” Their chat had sobered her up just a tad bit, and the wetness of her panties had slightly woken her up, wishing Harry was there to take care of her. 

“Alright, love. Get back safely, please, and text me when you get back to the house,” he requested softly, not necessarily wanting to know her every location but to know if she’s safe. 

“Will do. I…adore you.” 

Harry smiled. “I adore you so much more.” 

With that, they hung up. Luci said goodbye to her coworkers before getting into an Uber to Thea’s home, where she would be staying for the time being; and Harry relieved himself by touching and making his hard-on go away with the thought of Luci in his head and how she tasted, which made him realized that he was going to need another taste of her so she wouldn’t disappear on his tongue, 

After three weeks of rehearsals and getting to know each cast member and crew on set, Luci was exhausted. Ocean’s Eight was mostly going to be filmed in LA, where the production had a set built, but she anticipated the two to three days where she gets to be in New York to film in the Met Museum. So, being in the same state as Harry only excited her further. 

It hadn’t even been a month yet nor had they even begun shooting for the film, but getting through table reading, rehearsals, and an entire run-through of how the movie was going to be filmed was taking a toll on her physical health. She felt like she hadn’t slept properly, or had gotten a good amount of sleep ever since she left New York; and mentally, she was missing her family and Harry. 

Her family had always made sure to check in with her to see how she was doing because just like Luci, they shared the same excitement for the first movie she was acting in and missed her dearly. She continued to make contact with Harry, but it wasn’t as much as she would like to. Work had been so busy for her that whenever they started to have a decent conversation other than the usual ‘hi’ and ‘how are you?’, her break would be over and she would have to walk away from her phone, which was the closest she’d been to Harry in three weeks. 

It was almost five in the evening on a Wednesday night when everyone had wrapped up for the day. Sighs of relief were heard through everyone as they all knew that rehearsals were over and sometime within the next few days, they were going to start shooting. 

Luci packed up her belongings, taking an extra water bottle for the road before she said goodbye to everyone and headed out of the studio. It was a chilly evening as the soft winds brushed past her while she quickly made her way to her car that she’d rented out. The white Honda Civic keeping her safe on the roads of Hollywood was nothing like the subways of New York, but it was a nice change since she hadn’t driven in a while. One thing she absolutely hated about driving in LA was the traffic and the aggressive drivers in said traffic; and all Luci could do was groan, saying that they weren’t going nowhere with that kind of traffic. It’s always the Prius drivers who’re reckless, she thought. 

Just as she was about to get inside the car, one of the producers, Jane, had called out for her, catching her before she drove away. 

“Hey, Jane. What’s up?” Luci rolled down her window. 

Jane took a deep breath, catching her breath. “I’m glad I caught you before you left. This is the new schedule for next week with all the scenes that are scheduled for each day. You’ll start filming in a week, so you have a small break. So, you’ll come back here for a few days to film a few scenes as needed, and then, we’ll be off to New York, and back here again.” She explained. 

With her eyes wide, Luci took the freshly printed schedule that had a calendar outline until the end of April. Jane had highlighted her scenes, in which she’d have to go on set, and it seemed like she was booked until April. 

They talked a bit more about some scenes, and Jane let her know that she may need to be on set even if she wasn’t filming but her actual start date for shooting was a week from now. They bid each other ‘goodbye’ as Jane told her that she’d see her next week, and Luci had a surge of happiness rush through her as she headed back to her temporary home for the next few months. 

Unlocking the front door, Luci stepped into the dark hallway as she immediately kicked off her shoes and hung her coat in the closet right across the front door. She quietly tiptoed to her room down the hall, her feet covered in fuzzy brown socks that padded along the wooden floor as she made her way straight to the bathroom to shower off the long day she had. The scalding hot water hit her skin as she washed her scalp and used her coconut-cream body scrub that she’d been using for years, lathering up the suds and spreading it on her skin. 

Once she finished in the bathroom, she headed over to her bedroom, pulling the soft pink comforter back before she laid down on the mattress as a breath of relief took over. She shifted towards the left side of the bed, towards the figure that was sleeping on her side; the familiar scent engulfed her senses. 

She pressed her chest against his back, wrapping her arm around his waist as she placed a soft kiss to his neck that was exposed from his t-shirt. Her worries had washed away once she took him in her arms; the amount of comfort she found was astonishing, but she was grateful for that comfort. 

He shifted and turned around in her arms, making her pull back a little bit as to not wake him from his slumber. He was now face-to-face with her, eyes closed as his eyelashes fanned out against the top of his soft cheekbones while soft breaths puffed out of his mouth. Carefully, she pushed back his floppy hair that had landed in his face, and she admired more of his beauty. 

After a few moments, he moved once more but this time he felt a pair of arms around him, making him jolt as a way to wake himself up. Luci stared at him with an amusing smile on her face as she watched him wake up to realize that she was in front of him. 

Blinking a few times, his vision cleared and what he saw struck him—he felt like he was dreaming, though he's not complaining if this was a dream. 

“Luci?” 

“Hi, Harry.” She responded, a smile plastered on her face as her eyes glossed, from what he could see in the dark room. 

“W-What are you doing here?” He leaned against his elbow, slightly sitting up to fully wake himself, testing to see if this really was a dream. 

“Came to see you.” Luci simply stated, brushing the side of head. Harry’s eyes were droopy, confused, and still sleepy. 

“But…how-”

“Shh, we’ll talk when we wake up again, okay? It’s, like, five in the morning.” Harry had no energy to protest, but he also didn’t want to sleep because if this was an actual dream, and the next time he woke up again and Luci wasn’t holding him, then he would be very sad and disappointed. 

As the minutes passed by, the two found themselves laying together and looking at one another; neither of them spoke a word as they basked in the silence and beauty and elegance they found in each other. The moonlight hanging far up in the sky and the distant lights from the city as a few people were getting an early start of their day was seeping through the curtains of the small window in Luci’s bedroom. 

And this moment, dream or not, they held each other tight as they let exhaustion and sleep take over them. 

The next time he woke up, Harry woke up in a frantic, gasping for air as his lungs shook him awake, begging to breathe. He looked over at the window, seeing that it wasn’t dark anymore but it was bright out in the cold and blue atmosphere. Recollecting his dream, he turned his head to the space beside him but there was no one next to him; the sheets were wrinkled and cold as he must’ve shifted around a lot in his sleep. 

The time read 10:23 a.m on the bedside table. There was a moment of panic because it was a school day, but he remembered that he took the day off and called a substitute teacher in advance. 

Groaning, he rubbed his eyes, grabbing the large glass of water on the bedside table before chugging the entire thing to fulfill his thirst. He walked to the kitchen to grab some more water until he saw his girlfriend in a wrinkled Whitney Houston tour t-shirt and some sweats as she flipped a pancake on the stove. Luci was swaying her hips, humming a tune, and Harry realized that she had earphones in, so she hadn’t heard him walk in. He stood still for a moment, wondering if this was another dream, but he wanted to act upon his thoughts where he would attack her with hugs and kisses, but disappointment would seep through him once he realized it actually was a dream. 

But this wasn’t a dream. He wasn’t blissfully in his slumber, dreaming about his girlfriend. This was very real. The sharp sting of his fingers pinching his arm had reddened his fragile skin; he purposely bumped his elbow against the wall, hitting his funny bone as he bent down in hysterical pain; he gently slapped himself a few times until he realized this was all real. 

Finally, the corners of his lips turned up as he walked to stand behind Luci. He placed the glass on the counter in front of her, making her jump as she turned around, pressing her lower back against the edge of the white countertop. She took out her earphones, setting them aside as she smiled, finally getting the chance to properly greet Harry. 

“You’re here,” he said, bewildered at the thought. He turned the dial of the stove off before placing his hands on the edge of the counter, trapping her in his arms. 

“Yeah, I’m here. Thought I said ‘hi’ to you when I got here, no?” She tilted her head as she looked up at him, running her hands up and down his arms; goosebumps enraptured on his skin. “Happy birthday,” she greeted; he thanked her, though he had almost forgotten it was his birthday. He hadn’t even checked his phone since he’d woken up as he was sure there would be plenty of texts from Anne, who was most likely getting emotional that her baby was getting older; and Gemma, who was having a blast that was turning twenty-eight since he always teased her for getting older. But the first thing he did was find Luci. “Oh, and happy one month.” 

“How…” 

Luci chuckled because he still seemed to have the same reaction when she’d arrived. “I was informed that I don’t start filming until next week. So, last night, right after rehearsals, I booked a flight out here to see you on my time off, just in time for your birthday.”

“Wow, I…” Harry was speechless. “If I’m being honest, I thought that was a dream. I was sad to see you weren’t in bed when I woke up.” He pouted dramatically. 

Luci chuckled. “I’m sorry about that. For the new few days, I’ll make sure to stay a little longer until you wake up. Speaking of, I’m glad to see you made use of my spare key.” She raised her brows teasingly. 

When she left three weeks ago, she’d given Harry a spare key to her place just in case anything happened, so he would have access to it. She also told him that he was allowed any time in her apartment whenever he felt like it, so a couple of times a week, he would let himself into her place and sleep in her bed. Her scent that was displayed all over the pillows and the entire apartment had brought him some sort of comfort, but her sweet fragrance couldn’t compare to her presence where he could wrap his arms around her body instead of a pillow and her comforter. 

Harry smiled bashfully. “Well, you did say…” 

“I know what I said, and I don’t mind it. I think it’s really adorable that you sleep here sometimes.” Luci pulled the sides of his t-shirt, bringing him forward so he was closer. “Now, can I get a proper kiss hello? I’ve missed you.” 

He smirked, pressing his front against her before he took her face in the palms of his hands, leaning down as Luci tiptoed, they placed a loving and tender kiss to each other’s lips. Neither of them knew how they'd gone so long without the other’s touch because once they kissed each other, they couldn’t stop. 

Everything seemed to align when they felt each other’s touch; the day seemed to get brighter, the birds chirped louder like they were singing a tune, and their admiration was stronger than ever. Every emotion and word was told through their kiss, and it was a kiss of longing and yearning.  The pure desperation to compensate for the time that wasn’t spent kissing; a kiss that simply said ‘I missed you. Please don’t let me go this long without your lips.’ 

Matching swollen lips and a flustered state that was plastered on their faces seemed to be the theme of Luci and Harry’s reunion as they pulled back to catch some air. Harry quickly took her lips into his again before he bit down on her bottom lip, pulling back slightly, making a throaty moan escape from her, which ultimately caused Harry’s cock to bloat up. 

“You can get more than just a kiss ‘hello.’” Harry muttered against her; Luci inhaled sharply. “I did promise you a little something once we were together again, right?” He challenged, a smug smile emerged on his face. His thumb caressed her cheeks, and she wrapped her hands around his wrists. 

“You did.” She confirmed. “But it is your birthday, so I think I should take over today, no?” Her voice and words were doing everything right to his body. He felt every single word she spoke, and her sultry voice was going to be a broken record in his mind every single day. All he did was nod, not trusting his ability to speak. “Words, Harry, I need your words.” She’d said his words that he used when they were last together, when it was him who made her feel good. 

“Yeah, take over, baby. Please.” He was completely under her spell, physically and mentally luring into her. Luci reached up to give him a brief kiss before she pulled his arm, leading him to her bedroom. 

The back of thighs hit the edge of the bed, and she gently pushed at his chest so his back landed right in the middle of the mattress. She climbed onto the bed, legs astride his thighs as she began to kiss his neck, leaving a small hickey on his skin that he would admire until it faded. Playing with the hem of his shirt, she pulled away, giving him a devious smirk. 

“Can I touch you?” She asked, looking so intently in his eyes. 

He nodded. “Please.” His dreams and fantasy were coming to life as his mind had been filled with Luci’s body and touch when his nights were extra lonely. He didn’t need to fulfill himself with the minor satisfaction when Luci was prepared to do that for him as she lifted his shirt up, exposing his tattooed torso to her sight. 

Harry took off his shirt, throwing it onto the floor before watching her become so immersed with his body. The permanent ink fascinated her, and she delicately touched the tattoos that were exposed to her eyes like it was a prized possession. Leaning down, she planted a kiss to the swallows on his collarbones, trailing down to the butterfly that was plastered on his stomach; Harry’s breath hitched as he felt himself get hard underneath her. She then licked down to his lower abdomen, where his happy trail lied between two ferns; and she opened her mouth and nibbled on the skin in between his laurel tattoos, making Harry internally groan at her tasteful teasing. 

Running her fingers along the hem of his sweatpants, she asked him if she could take them off, to which he breathlessly responded: “Yes, please. Take everything off.” 

His cock rested on his stomach while Luci took in his large size. Her mouth practically salivated at him; and she was eager to get him in her mouth, to get him inside of her. But she wanted to take her time to appreciate and admire his endeavours. 

“You’re beautiful, Harry,” she complimented genuinely. Harry looked down at her, and just as he was about to thank her, her tongue licked the base to the tip of his needy cock, earning a loud exhale from him. 

She slipped the head of his cock into her mouth, sucking and tasting the pre-come that had spilled out of the tip, swirling her tongue all around. Harry moaned, throwing his head back onto the mattress as he gripped the sheets harshly, wrinkling in his hands. 

Luci took him into her mouth further, holding back the urge to gag. She breathed through her nose as she bobbed her head up and down while raking her fingernails on his torso, increasing and adding to the sensation. 

“Fuck, Ci.” He breathed out, panting. The slightest bit of embarrassment took over him for a moment because he felt like he was on the edge of an orgasm; it had been way too long since he’d felt another person’s touch, another person’s mouth on him. 

Pulling him out of her mouth, a string of saliva followed as it connected to her bottom lip and the middle of his cock. “Like that, hmm?” She asked, batting her eyelashes at him flirtingly. 

“You have no idea…” he trailed off, burying his hands into her hair. He didn’t mean to rush her into blowing him again—all he wanted to do was touch her, and the closest thing was her head—but Luci took that as a sign to continue her movements again. 

“Fuck my mouth.” She requested. Harry’s eyes widened, not expecting to hear that from her; but everyday, she surprised him. “Please. Want you in the back of my throat.” She was trying her hardest to take him further than she would like, but she couldn’t quite reach that point. “Think you deserve that, birthday boy.” 

Harry inhaled sharply, containing his demeanor as a smirk landed on his mouth as he sat up, sitting on his knees. Luci’s feet were planted on the floor as her upper body was laying flat on the mattress 

He leaned down so his mouth was next to her ear as he whispered, “Best birthday ever,” before giving her a quick kiss. Luci placed his dick back into her mouth, wrapping her lips around his tip as she waited for him to take over. Harry tangled his fingers into her hair before slowly bucking his hips forward as he slid into her mouth. Placing her hands on the back of his thighs, she pushed him further, urging him that he could go faster; Harry complied. 

Harry felt like he was on top of the world, like nothing else mattered except for this moment right here. It was like he was in between the soft clouds that could be matched for the blanket and mattress underneath him; like he was looking down at the nature and beauty of the world conform to the beauty of Luci below him; like he was screaming at the top of his lungs his secrets for the world to hear, which corresponded to the filthy words he was spewing out and his loud moans that filled the room up; and it was like the world was screaming back at him, which was a wild Luci moaning around him, sending vibrations up his body. 

He was feeling everything all at once. 

And he fucking loved it. 

When he pulled back to check on his girlfriend, she gasped for air. She had tears in her eyes—a few had streamed down her face—her lips were swollen, and her hair was a mess—and Harry absolutely loved it. Luci kissed up his body, meeting his lips as she gave him an eager and sloppy kiss. Their mouths connected, and he tasted himself on her tongue with the side of Luci. The best flavor ever. 

“Want you so bad.” Harry managed to say between the heated kisses. 

“Have at me.” She moved past him, laying down on the bed before she quickly stripped her clothes off, throwing it onto the floor where it landed next to Harry’s clothes. 

“You sure? Thought you wanted to take over?” He smirked teasingly. 

“Unless you wanna take over, I’m very sure.” She reached into her bedside drawer to grab a condom—an unopened pack of condoms and a bottle of lube. “Mind if we use lube? I know I’m pretty wet, but I don’t know if I’m that wet, and I want you inside of me already and I want it to feel good for the both of us.” 

“Of course, baby. Whatever you need to feel comfortable, feel free to do it.” He kissed her reassuringly before smirking, wondering how long she’d been waiting for this moment. 

He grabbed the foil packet, and rolled it onto his aching cock that was begging for a release. Grabbing the water-based lube, he squirted some of it onto his hand and rubbed it on his length before running his hand up and down her slit, and to her sensitive nub as he circled his finger, making her mewl. He settled in between her legs, placing his arms near her shoulders as he hovered over her, kissing her sweetly. 

Asking her once more if she wanted to push through with it, she gave her consent, grabbing his dick before lining it up with her entrance. Harry slowly pushed in as Luci gasped at his size; he was stretching her out so well that tears pricked her eyes, the overwhelming invasion of his girth and length had made her pant. 

Once he was fully in, Luci looked down in between them, seeing he was balls-deep inside of her; they both moaned in unison. 

“Baby…you’re so big.” She squeezed around him, causing Harry to hiss, gripping her hips tightly. “Move, please. Need to feel you.” She couldn’t count the amount of times she’d dreamed and fantasized this moment; her fingers and her vibrator weren’t cutting it anymore. 

He began to thrust; her arousal lubricated his dick even more as he smoothly slipped in and out of her. Leaning down, he took her breasts into his mouth, licking and sucking as his hand fondled the other before switching. Luci slipped her hand in between their bodies, touching and rubbing her throbbing clit; Harry smiled at the sight. 

“You look so fucking pretty touching yourself, Ci. Making yourself feel good?” She nodded, closing her eyes as she threw her head back. “Am I making you feel good?” Harry’s thrusts began to quicken as his hips slammed against the back of her thighs. “Tell me.” An urgent praise needed to fill him, and her filthy words needed to be spoken. 

“So good, H. Fuck…” she continued rubbing at her swollen nub as the tip of Harry’s cock brushed against her g-spot. “There. Right there. Please, don’t stop. You’re so fucking good.” She cried out into the air as he continued his movements, sweetly hitting her special spot. Unexpectedly, she grabbed one of his hands and wrapped it around her throat, covering his large with hers as they squeezed her neck together. 

Harry felt like he could come right there and then at the sight of their hands wrapped around her neck. He felt her squeeze around him once more, making him groan. 

“Pretty girl, Luciana. Can’t get enough.” Even in her filthy state, she still managed to get shy at his words, making him chuckle. “Don’t go shy on me now, baby. I’m fucking you, and now is the time you get shy?” He squeezed his thumb a little bit more into her skin, feeling her pulse point that was quickly pounding hard. He took his other hand and rubbed at her clit since she stopped due to all the sensations she was feeling at once. Luci began to involuntarily buck her hips, moaning louder than ever. “C’mon, Ci, give it to me.” 

After a few more thrusts, a few more rubs, and a few more squeezes, she came so intensely that she saw stars. Part of it was because she was lightheaded, but her orgasm had washed over so powerfully that her body began to slightly convulse. Harry came into the condom a few moments after as a raspy groan filled the air. 

Once they calmed down, Harry gently pulled out of her, taking off and throwing the condom away in the trash before he laid down beside Luci. He pulled her exhausted body to his chest, and they laid there for a moment, regaining their energy back before they could greet one another. 

Luci was the first one to break the silence. “Happy birthday.” 

“Thank you, baby. Happy one month.” He brushed her hair out of her face, placing a kiss on her forehead. 

“Happy one month. So many more to go.” 

Harry smiled at her words. He felt a certain reassurance once she’d said that, like he wasn’t the only one feeling the intense and quick feelings that laid between them and their relationship because he truly felt like their relationship was for the long-haul, and she felt the exact same way—no matter if they’d only just started dating. 

So many more to go. 

“I have your gift,” Luci said, detangling herself from his arms. They’d been cuddling for the past twenty minutes, talking about random things that came to mind. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Harry sat up against the headboard as she opened her luggage, pulling out an burnt-orange knitted sweater. 

“I should’ve wrapped it, sorry, but…” she handed the folded sweater to him. “Happy birthday.” 

“This is so cute! I love it.” His fingers touched the soft material, observing the details and the stitching. “Thank you so much.” He held her hand, gently pulling at it so he could place a kiss to her lips. 

“I’m glad. I’ve been knitting it since October, and finally got the chance to finish.” Harry’s eyes widened as he felt his heart swoon at the fact that she was doing something entirely sweet and thoughtful for him before they were even dating. 

“I truly love it. Thank you, Ci. Your talents continue to surprise me.” Luci smiled, nodding her head as she thanked him. Looking at him with bright eyes, she saw the world within him. She was so insanely lucky that Harry was her boyfriend, the guy that she met the day she moved in; a certain fondness fell over her. 

For Harry’s birthday and their one month celebration, he wanted to take Luci to his favorite Chinese restaurant called Tasty Plates, two blocks away—the restaurant that he bought food from for Luci’s birthday. He wore the sweater Luci gifted and made for him since he was quite excited to wear it one of his girlfriend’s creations. 

Upon entering, Luci noticed a very friendly atmosphere as the employees chatted with their customers as if they’d known one another for years, which they probably had. The smell of fresh and authentic Chinese food filled her senses, and she could already feel how home-y this place was. 

The restaurant was a self-seated restaurant, so Harry led her to one of the tables next to the wall that had frames upon frames of pictures and signatures of famous celebrities, athletes, and chefs that had the privilege of visiting the restaurant. 

“You’re gonna be up there one day.” Harry interrupted the intent observing that she was doing to the wall. 

“Hmm. You think so?” 

Harry nodded his head as if it was the most overt belief. “Absolutely. Being on this wall is, like, equivalent to having a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I already know they’re gonna have a picture frame bigger than all the others because they’d want everyone to see your picture.” 

Luci smiled, appreciating the sweet compliment as she reached across the glass table and held his hand. They chatted for a bit before one of the waitresses, who was also the owner, had taken their order. Kai, greeted Harry with a wide smile, glad that he was able to visit their restaurant. Harry introduced Luci to Kai, to which he earned a teasing expression from her; Kai practically knew almost every detail of Harry’s love life since the day he entered the restaurant, and Harry really didn’t mind—Kai provided him with some of her wiseful advice on relationships since she’d been in plenty of them in her time; but a piece of advice that really stuck to him was when she said ‘You’ll meet hundreds of people as you grow older, but you’ll know when you’ve met the right person. And if there’s anything that I’ve learned, it’s that when you have that person, don’t let them go because you’re going to regret it.’ Kai was speaking from personal terms, and she proceeded to tell Harry the story of when she met her husband, the co-owner of the restaurant, and how they went years without talking and loving, which were the most difficult years she’d ever went through. 

And Harry carried that advice everywhere he went. 

Kai brought out their food in a record-breaking time, saying that since Harry was her special customer, he got special treatment at the restaurant. The three joked around, laughing and teasing before Kai left their table, allowing them to eat. Luci excitedly told Harry everything about work—her cast members, famous actors and actresses along with producers that she’d met on set, and her upcoming schedule. She was glad to have someone to share this information with, aside from her family, and just the thought of telling Harry everything excited her. 

“I’m pretty booked until the end of April…” she mentioned. 

Harry looked down at his food before looking back up at her. He noticed a certain look that she carried, and it was a look of guilt. He placed his chopsticks on top of his bowl of rice before he grabbed her unoccupied hand, holding and caressing her skin. 

“Talk to me,” he said softly. He didn’t want to assume what she was thinking; he’d rather hear her voice her thoughts. 

“I feel bad, y’know. I mean, we just got together and we’re not even spending time with each other because it’s my fault-”

“Nothing is your fault,” he objected. 

She looked at him sadly. “If you think about it, it kinda is. Harry, we’re spending our one month anniversary when we haven't seen each other in three weeks. What the actual fuck is that?” 

“Well, I know you’re not going to quit the movie; plus, I wouldn’t let you.” He pauses for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows, mouth turning into frown as if a realization had just hit him. “Unless this was a mistake-” 

“No!” She shook her head, and Harry immediately felt bad because she looked like she was about to cry. “This will never be a mistake. One of the best choices I’ve ever made when I asked you out.” She reassured him. “It’s just…we’re supposed to be in the honeymoon stage, y’know? How could we do that when I’m always working and on the other side of the country?” 

Harry understood, he really did; and he didn’t know the way to answer her question since he didn’t know the answer himself, but he tried his best and said, “Well, then that just means when you come back home, we’ll still live through and be in the honeymoon stage four or five months from now.” And that answer seemed to satisfy her as she smiled, looking down at her lap as her cheeks heated. 

Drifting away from the serious topic, they enjoyed the rest of their lunch by talking and laughing. 

“What’s your mom like?” Luci asked, wanting to everything about him. 

Harry’s heart fluttered. “Her name’s Anne. She’s great—one of the kindest women I’ve ever known.” Luci smiled as she listened to him talk about his mother. “She’s done a lot for me and Gemma, and even though we’re older now, she would do everything and anything for us all over again. That’s just the kind of person she is—selfless, kind, and definitely knows how to crack a joke or two.” He smiled at the memory of when he was a child and how his high-pitched laugh would come out when Anne would joke around. 

“Is that where you get your love for jokes?” 

“Definitely. Can’t say I have better jokes than her or else we’ll have a joke battle.” Luci laughed; she loved listening to him talk about his family. His face lit up every time, and he had a smile that replicated his childhood photos. 

They talked for an hour before the conversations were coming to an end as a comfortable silence was washed over them. Kai brought out custard tarts, which she knew were Harry’s favorite Chinese dessert, that was on the house. They thanked Kai for their wonderful food, service, and for the dessert before Luci paid, tipping extra. 

Kai told Harry that he’d better not be hiding Luci because she really liked her, and hoped that he would bring her back soon. Harry promised, even Luci said that she would visit even when Harry wasn’t with her, which made Kai very happy. 

Back at Harry’s apartment, they ended up cuddling on his couch and eating ice cream together before he turned his body towards Luci and asked, “Can we talk about this morning?” 

Luci turned her head towards him, raising her brows. “You mean when we had sex?” She wondered, and he nodded. So, she put her finished bowl of ice cream on the coffee table in front of them before giving him her full attention. 

“I just wanted to know what you thought of it. Feedback is very much appreciated.” He smirked.

“Are you saying that so I could feed your ego more than I already do?” Luci teased. 

“Maybe…” 

She chuckled. “I liked it a lot. Sex had never felt like that before,” she responded honestly. No matter how many times she had sex before Harry, how many partners she’d slept with, Harry was undeniably the best one; and she thinks it was because he was her boyfriend, but either way, there was this compelling connection between them that had their minds and bodies were on the same page. 

“I agree. But I also wanted to ask if you were open to new ideas in the bedroom. I know that we’ve only had sex once, but I couldn’t help but notice-” 

“That I like being choked?” She took his words right out of his mouth, putting a devious smile on her face as she said them. He nodded, a bashful smile on his face.

“I’m pretty open, yeah. I haven’t tried many things, but there’s a first time for everything. So, I’m up for experimenting and I’d want some of my first times to be with you,” she straightforwardly said. He loved how honest and open she was, and it was just a quality that was going to be added to the long list of why he adored her. 

“I feel the same way.” He smiled. 

“Can I just say, though…I loved it when you talked to me the way you did. It’s really sexy and it makes me feel sexy.” 

Harry smirked. “Noted.” 

For the rest of the night, they talked about things they’d want to try on each other. They had a growing list of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ on things to try in the bedroom, which ranged from being handcuffed, blindfolded, over-stimulating, and mutual masturbation. Luci was open to spitting and slapping if Harry was down to try it, and he told her that was up for trying anything with her, but he answered that he’d love to test out the waters on those two to see if they both liked it. 

It was only going to grow from when they experiment and talk about it again. Their conversation had sparked up a sense of arousal in both of them that they were fretting in their seat and couldn’t keep still. Luci noticed him grow hard in his trousers, so she straddled his lap, and asked him to take her to bed, which he wasn’t going to say no to. 

He watched as she rode him to oblivion, throwing her head back as her tits glistened with sweat despite the cold weather on the first of February. Harry then ate her out, burying his tongue in between her folds. At first, he denied her orgasm, telling her that he’d allow her to let go once he gave her permission to because he wasn’t quite finished with licking her up. Luci was whiny as she cried out into the room, gripping his curls the hardest her strength would allow her. And when he gave her permission, she came on his tongue, his face, and his chest, wetting the sheets below her; and Harry swore it was the filthiest but hottest thing he’d ever seen. Their breaths were heavy, making the room even warmer than it already was with all the tension and passion that swirled through the air. 

After they regained their energy back, they went a few more rounds until they were absolutely exhausted. And they both knew they were going to be incredibly sore the next morning, maybe even the next few days; but they say that the best kind of sore is when you’re finished with a workout, so Harry and Luci both categorized their rounds as the best cardio. 

April 27, 2018 

Cheers and claps were spread all around as the director called out the final cut to the final scene of the film. It had been a long and tiring process, but a wave of proudness and relief was felt throughout the entire studio. 

Luci felt relieved she was finished with this project while still feeling a bittersweet rush of emotions. This was her first ever major film that she was a part of, and she felt nothing short of proud of herself at how hard she worked to get to where she was. But the journey wasn’t over yet as she couldn’t wait to start her next one, and where that adventure would take her. 

Harry was all she could think about. She couldn’t wait to finally go home to him for a while and not have to worry about anything. They only saw each other for one and a half days at the beginning of March when she was filming in New York before she had to fly back to California, but one and a half days were better than nothing.  

She hugged the crew and cast as a big smile stayed on her face for the remainder of the time she was on set. Everyone took pictures with one another after the cast had changed out of their wardrobe and costumes while the production crew was cleaning everything up. 

Thea and Samantha arrived on set once filming was over to congratulate Luci. They hugged and took a few pictures, which was now going to be a tradition after Luci was done with a project. After everyone had settled down, the adrenaline ceased a bit, Luci headed back to her trailer with Thea. Before she could enter, Thea pulled her to the side to introduce Luci to a journalist who was waiting for them by the side of her trailer. 

“Hi, Luciana. My name is Audrey.” They shook hands as Luci politely introduced herself and greeted the interviewer. 

“Audrey is just going to interview you, is that okay?” Thea asked, and Luci nodded, seeing as it was for harmless promo. She was a bit nervous because this interview was probably for an important media outlet, and it was her very first one too. 

Throughout the months, Luci had gone through media training since Thea mentioned that it was necessary and inevitable since she was now in the spotlight, so public appearances and special interviews were required for her to go through that training. Her media coach told her the basics: to be herself—people love to see true and raw personality to a celebrity; have interesting stories to tell upon asking because people will ask, and be passionate because the media loves to pick up on nitty gritty details about one’s appearance and attitude, which will cause them to flip the switch completely. 

The entire process had overwhelmed her a bit as later that night, she called Harry in tears as she explained the training to him as he tried to comfort her through the phone from across the country. 

He assured her that everyone was going to love her because she had a loveable and approachable persona to her that it would be difficult to not love her; Harry had almost slipped his three words that were lingering on his tongue to further prove his point, but he stopped himself, not wanting to say them over the phone. 

Thea let herself into the trailer, leaving the two to begin the interview. 

“Okay, do you mind if I record you?” Audrey asked, looking down at her phone, making Luci trail her eyes down to the voice memos app where Audrey’s thumb hovered over the record button. 

“No.” She shook her head, and Audrey pressed the red button. 

“So, Luciana, I was informed this was your very first major film project. How do you feel about it?” Audrey questioned in a professional interviewer voice. 

“I-I feel very honored to be working in this film with so many people that I’ve watched on the screen growing up. This film has such an amazing crew and cast that it felt like family; and I learned so many things from this entire journey, so I’m very appreciative and grateful to be part of this.” She may have rambled a bit, but it was a solid and genuine answer. 

“Who are your inspirations that you look up to while being part of this business?” 

Luci thought for a moment, gathering the actors and actresses that popped in her head. “To name a few: Meryl Streep, Sandra Bullock—I had the honor of working with here—and Cillian Murphy, to name a few. I’ve also really loved and was always inspired by Giulia Stone. I loved all of the movies she did in the seventies, and she’s just so iconic and a legend that I will always admire.”

Audrey then asked about her upbringing—where the new and potential star grew up, and her past job on Broadway. 

“Broadway was also a dream of mine when growing up, and the atmosphere was insane. I loved every minute of it, and I left the building with so much adrenaline and energy every night because the audience was always so wonderful.” 

They then talked about her role for Miss Saigon, and Luci was reminiscent of her part before she stepped into the world that was filled with well-known actors and a big industry. In a way, she missed the Broadway universe, and for the first month of shooting for the film, she considered quitting and going back to Broadway as she felt like she wasn’t fit enough to be part of the job, but she pushed herself through (with the help of Harry and her family). She believed everything happened for a reason, and perhaps her time on Broadway was limited to what she’d expected because the film industry was calling her name. 

“Last question to wrap it up.” Audrey chuckled. “Do you have a lover? Anyone special out there that has your heart? These questions will be asked frequently, so might as well get used to them now.” The curiosity poured through the interviewer’s body, and portrayed in her exterior as her eyes bulged, lips curled in as her hand moved her phone closer to Luci, making sure to get her answer on record crystal clear with no chance to mumble or hide her answer. Luci didn’t like how she said the last sentence, like it was an obvious question to ask. 

For some prideful and egotistical reason, Luci didn’t want to fill her satisfaction, to fill the media’s curiosity in hopes to feed people the latest gossip and the inaccurate news. Sure, Luci wasn’t a big name, people barely looked twice at the mention of her name, but something inside of her didn’t want everyone to know what her personal or love life looked like; frankly because it wasn’t any of their business. 

Confidently, she subtly leaned her head a little closer to the speaker of Audrey’s phone before answering, “No, I don’t.” 

Audrey pressed the red button again to stop recording, and Luci would later on know that she made a big mistake saying that.

come talk to me about your feelings, thoughts, favorite moments and scenes! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be up next saturday!