#his mom must have thought he was God's gift for everyone

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

I am just like umm

And wham wham wham

And I am just like yeah but do y'all see that?

There is lightning up there yo

[reareaotaku]

What about ziggy katz headcanons??

Oh? I've never written for Ziggy. Well- That's not true. Technically I wrote for Ziggy from Fear Street Taglist: @fxchild

Pretty full of himself. He didn't notice you at first, because you were just another person in the crowd

That was until he ran into you. He didn't take to much notice to you. In fact, he was rather annoyed by the interaction

"God, could you be any more annoying?"

"Excuse me?"

He looks at you, like really looks at you and his eyes soften for a split second. "Nothing. Sorry. I wasn't... Uh, watching where I was going. My bad."

You were taken aback, because Ziggy apologizing? Yeah right. You must have fallen and hit your head and you were dreaming. Though, if Ziggy was in your dream then it must be a nightmare

He quickly walks past you and you quickly forget about the encounter

Unlike you though, Ziggy couldn't get you off his mind

Every thought was consumed by you and he didn't even know your name

But he was going to find out

People think it's really weird when Ziggy, of all people, is going around asking about some girl

You find out through some friends that Ziggy is asking around about you, which confused the fuck out of you

What did Ziggy want from you?

You think he just wants to harass you. Imagine your surprise when he says he really likes you and wants to be friends

"You," You point to him, "Want to be friends with me?" You point to yourself

"That's what I said, is it not?"

Everyone's shocked that he's paying attention to you and not himself. Like that man has the ego of a god- Thinking he's god's gift to the world, so for him to give to pretty much all of his attention- It's just insane. You should feel very lucky

He complains to you about his mom and how she doesn't 'Get him' but you do. You understand him better than anyone. You're... Well, different

You're a little confused by his remarks, but it's best not to argue with him about it

One time you were in his room and his mother came in. She was surprised when seeing you and tried talking to you

"God, can't you leave? She obviously doesn't want to talk to you. She's just being nice."

His mother just rolls her eyes and walks out of his room, but not before peeping back in, "Door stays open."

Ziggy groans rolling his eyes. She seems satisfied, but when she leaves, he closes the door

"Gosh Ziggy, what was that for? She doesn't seem that bad."

"Yeah, like a shitty person is going to be shitty in front of company. Trust me she sucks."

You feel bad, but Ziggy doesn't give you much time to think about it

He wants your opinion on his songs, because he wants you to like them

Your opinion means more to him than he likes to let on

[succulentlesbians]

Nat dying in endgame isn't canon? Her and Yelena are out living their sex in the city fantasy and bonding and making up for all the time that was stolen away from them :) I'm also rereading your fic again :D I'm deeply curious to know what it looks like from Yelena's pov, I've just gotten to the part where they've gotten on the plane but god just. The conversation about Hive. Tfw the one bright spot in your life is most equipped to understand you. But god it hurts they went through that too. </3

nat dying in endgame is absolutely so not canon To Me. her and yelena are out having the time of their lives, don't know how anyone could think differently.

saw you say curious about yelena pov and was like hmm what small tidbit could i give you that would be fun?

umm. rewrite of hive conversation, yelena pov:

Yelena turns to look at Daisy. Her arms are horribly discolored above her wraps and she's holding them precariously against her body as she lies on the bed, trying to prevent more pain.

Yelena hates it. This was avoidable, absolutely. Yelena could've taken out every person in that warehouse herself and they should both know that. Daisy is a spy now, she has to know that she needs to stay healthy. Doesn't she want to be healthy?

Yelena reaches out near unconsciously to Daisy's arm, as if she can make everything better though magic. She wishes she could.

"You don't have to tell me why," she says, "but I don't like seeing you hurt." She's not going to force Daisy into anything, but she needs to make her opinion clear that seeing Daisy in pain makes her hurt too.

She wraps her arm around Daisy's torso, hoping to offer comfort.

Daisy lets the silence go a for minute. "When I got my powers," she says finally, "I thought I was cursed."

She must have had to learn to control them. Now, Yelena can clearly see that she knows what she's doing. She hopes Daisy didn't kill anyone she didn't want to in her practice. She's not got much confidence in SHIELD, but they have to have better training practices than the Red Room.

“But I was convinced they were a gift by the other Inhumans.  And even when my mom died, I believed that I could do something good with the gift I’d been given."

Her mom had died? Another thing they have in common. Another unfortunate thing to have in common.

The rest of her words, that's the Daisy that Yelena knows. That's the girl she met who convinced her of good people in the world. Daisy is always looking for ways to help.

"So I kept working with SHIELD.  And—”

Daisy's voice cracks.

What happened to her? What made her hurt like this? If it's not already gone, Yelena is going to hunt it down and slaughter it. With delight. Great delight. And with excruciating pain.

"There was a thing with this bitch-ass octopus-looking fucker.  Hive.  He could do this thing to Inhumans—" he could do this thing to me, Yelena fills in with a sense of dawning horror— "where he made you feel like obeying him was the only thing you ever wanted to do in life.  Like there was something missing from your life and he could provide it.  Something to do with our brain chemicals, I don’t know the details.”

Yelena can't stop herself from a sharp inhale. It's obvious what happened.

Fucking mind control.

It sounds even worse than her own. Yelena, at least, hadn't been infatuated with Dreykov. She didn't know what her own feelings were all the time, if they were even real, but she knows it wasn't like that. She'd had uncharitable thoughts about Dreykov, even if she knew she'd never be able to hurt him. She'd at least had that choice. That Daisy hadn't is horrific. Absolutely horrific. Forced excitement to be enslaved is quite frankly, the worst thing Yelena can think of.

Daisy continues in a hushed voice. "I almost killed everyone. I hurt them.  Badly.  I threatened them.  Everyone in his path, I cleared."

It’s all the more devastating for someone like Daisy who cares so much about people. Someone who built up relationships with everyone she met, who did her absolute best to connect with them. It’s brutal.

Yelena grew up with killing. For better or for worse, she's generally unfazed by it. But Daisy? She may have changed from when she was Skye, but there's no way that death doesn't drag on her mind.

"When we finally took him down, good people died." Her voice wobbles dangerously. Her eyes begin to glisten as she fights tears. "So now I’m out here, trying to make up for everything I’ve done.  For all of the hurt I gave out.  The suffering I’ve caused.  And if it hurts?  It’s worth it.  And… maybe I deserve it.”

The worst part is, she sounds convinced of her words. Daisy genuinely believes she deserves it. The pain she's feeling right now, she thinks she deserves it.

It's complete bullshit.

Yelena could understand if there was no other option, that Daisy would need to use her powers. But she doesn't. So the only reason she's doing it is a misguided sense that she was somehow in charge of her actions while being mind controlled and therefore needs to suffer. Again, complete bullshit.

For someone as good as Daisy, just the fact that her body committed the action is enough to incriminate herself in her mind.

She reaches out to grab Daisy's hand, needing the comfort. Wanting to give comfort.

If there's one thing she's locked onto after getting free, it's that she was not in control of her body. Maybe she can extend that to Daisy.

"It's not your fault," she says as firmly as she can. "It wasn't us. It wasn't our choice. It wasn't your choice, Daisy."

A solitary tear begins to roll down Daisy's face. "But I did it. And I felt happy about it."

Hive, Yelena knows, is dead. She was able to find out that much. In the back of her mind, she's been stabbing him again and again. How could anyone do something like that to Daisy?

She recalls the emotionless state when she killed Oksana and the sudden onset of feeling afterward. She had gone from being glad to have completed her mission to abject horror as Oksana died in her arms.

She brushes the tears off of Daisy's cheek. "Even our emotions, they didn't belong to us." She won't ever forget the whiplash of that moment. But it reminds her— "But now they do. Now we can decide. We have our own thoughts and feelings."

Daisy tilts her head, ever so slightly. Indecision rolls across her face, crinkling her eyebrows. For a brief second, Yelena is reminded of her mother, comforting her just as she is comforting Daisy now. She would knit her eyebrows together like that too as she thought of what to do.

"You've been so brave. You’ve held onto this pain for so long.  It’s made you strong."

Pain only makes you stronger, Mama had told her the day she died. Yelena has held onto those words. She's been through so much and it's made her stronger. She's come out the other side of everything.

“Those things happened and they can’t be taken back."

There's a lot that Yelena's done that she could regret now and Oksana's death is at the top of the list. There's plenty of other deaths that cross her mind. She has to put that behind her. Oksana... she'll complete her dying request. She'll free the Widows. But she's going to experience being free too.

"But it’s okay to let it go.  It’s okay to want good things for yourself.  It’s okay to live your life.” 

It has to be okay. It wasn't her fault. She didn't choose any of her past. She can choose her future. She's going to choose her future. She's figured out contacting Daisy, she can figure out the rest of it too.

“We’re our own people now.”

Daisy's face crumples and she bursts into tears, turning to bury her face in Yelena's shoulder. Yelena strokes gently at her back.

"It was supposed to be me," Daisy mutters quietly. "Why wasn't it me?"

Yelena has no idea what she's talking about. It sounds like something she should disagree with on principle based on the other thoughts Daisy has been having about herself, but she's not going to act without knowing more. And she's pushed Daisy enough tonight. Getting the seeds in there is as far as she'll go.

So she doesn't say anything else that might bring up bad memories for Daisy. Instead, she starts to sing an old Russian lullaby, one that Mama had sang to her as a child. She waits as Daisy sinks into sleep, dried tears tracks on her face, before she dares to drift off herself, carefully holding Daisy. She's not going to let her do this alone. Not anymore.

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Waiting & Knocking

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Isaiah 41:13 For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.'

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ Matthew 7:7: “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM WAITING ON GOD

I AM KNOCKING AND WAITING

I DESIRE GOD

I AM SEEKING HIS PRESENCE

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READ TIME: 8 Minutes & 25 Seconds

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THOUGHTS:

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 When I was little, I wanted my parents to buy me this Game Boy Advance, and I asked them daily for it. They got so annoyed that they told me not to ask them anymore, but still, I asked every day because I didn’t want them to forget. For about three months, this went on and on until my birthday, and I remember as it got closer, I said Mom, could you please get me it? This was the only thing I wanted, and I remember sitting in the back seat. She took a deep breath and said Okay, Lui in a very aggravated tone.

   When my birthday came, I knew they had forgotten about it because they hadn’t given it to me at the birthday party. So, that evening, when we got home, my mom asked me what was wrong. I told her she placed this box on the table, and I just knew it was something I didn’t want, and it was the Gameboy Advance. I remember praying that night, praising God, and being so happy because I got what I wanted.

 In the same way, I asked them about that handheld being consistent and asking nonstop. That’s what God wants us to do. The verse says keep seeking, and you will find it. Often, we give up when we see no results, but God wants us to still go forward in everything, he wants us to continue to ask because he sometimes wants to see how badly we want it. When we seek spiritual gifts and blessings, we must remember that it's not about how long we have been a Christian or follower of Christ. It's about our dedication to asking, praying, and seeking God.

Verse 8: For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

It tells us that if we ask him, we will receive it; if we seek him, we will find it; when we knock, he will open the door. Sometimes, we forget how to seek God and how to seek him. We do so by reading our word; we do this by praying to him; we do this by mediation.

   When we do these things, we will draw closer to God; every day, we seek to be closer to him so we can hear him; some of us don’t hear him because we don’t make ourselves available. God wants us where we desire him; we desire to be next to him. We desire not just to seek him for things but also for his presence, which is always near us.

 Verse 9-11 You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? 10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! 11 So if sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?

    God will give us good gifts when we ask. He will never give us something we don’t want, but he will give us something we need. Sometimes, what we need, we won't realize we need it until the lord reveals it to us. I know I had a lot that I didn't realize I needed. I didn’t realize he wanted me to have this until he gave it to me. When he did, it fit like a glove into my life. It fits my life so smoothly because when God opened the door when God give it to us, it was for us to succeed, not for it to be inconvenient but for it to be a convenience.

  Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith

  This is one thing we forget when we ask him; we forget about faith, and faith plays the biggest part in our asking; without it, it’s like building something without a hammer and nails. We must apply faith when we ask God for it; it sticks everything together.

  Some things we feel are inconvenient, but we will see how convenient it is when we allow what he gives us to be in our lives. God wants to give us the best of things, and he wants us to be filled with joy, but we have to understand that when we ask, we might not get it just like that handheld; they could’ve just not given it to me, but because I kept asking and they saw it was what I wanted and it wasn’t a waste of money or anything like that they gave it to me

  God isn’t going to give us anything that’s going to block us from communicating with him. God isn’t going to give us anything that will create a distraction in our lives. God will often look at our lives and see that what I give her will create a distraction. Sometimes, it’s hard to accept that we’re not going to get what we want, but we must look at it from his point of view. God loves us so much that he doesn’t want us to be away from him, we must look at whatever is in this way will it create a bridge between God and us; sure, we can ask all we want, but if what we ask for will pull us away he’s not going to give it to us.

 *** Today, we learned about asking, it’s easy to ask for anything. We all think that God should give us what we want, but that’s not true. When I kept asking for that handheld for my parents, I knew they would give it to me because we had talked about it, but then a tiny part of me doubted it because they didn’t say yes or no. God isn’t going to say yes and no to everything we want; but we must have faith to know that he will. It’s hard to have faith; sometimes, looking at some situations is hard, but when we truly look at who God is and what his words say, he will give us the desires of our hearts as long as it’s in his will.

  Jeremiah 29:12-13 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

  How often do you seek God? Do you seek him wholeheartedly, or do you seek him just for things he can give you? We must start seeking God daily, not just for things, but just to seek him; he wants us to desire him just as much as he desires us. How often do you desire to be near God in his presence? When we pray, we are in his presence, and we meditate. We are in his presence when we read our word; he can be there too , if we ask him to, and he can teach us. How often are you seeking him , I seek him every day because I desire to be next to him. I desire to hear his voice because that’s what I need. If you’re lacking something in your life, maybe it is his presence; start seeking him today. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, we thank you for life, health, and strength and for loving and caring for us. Lord, we desire you so badly in our life; we desire your presence; help us to seek your presence daily. Help us to look for you and not for things, Father God; we asked you to help us understand your word today. Help us apply it to our lives, Father God; thank you. We ask you, Father God, to pour a fresh anointing onto us. We ask you for a favor in Jesus' name, amen.

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REFERENCES

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+ Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

 

+ Psalm 145:18-19 The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them

 

+ Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

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FURTHER READINGS

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 Proverbs 18

Deuteronomy 28

Joshua 13

1 Kings 17

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[elisysd]

11. That's why I'm lying to my therapist

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Tornado Warning - Sabrina Carpenter

She had never dreaded and been excited to be home. But there was always a first time for everything. Ethan organized a birthday party to which she was of course invited. There would only be his closest friends, as well as Romy. They were supposed to meet later, in front of the nightclub, but for now Julia was occupied, trying to find a birthday gift for Ethan. She was completely lost, not knowing what she could get him that he had not already. Because after all, she still didn’t know him. That's when it hit her. She knew about his fears and his relationship with his dad, something she was sure not a lot of people knew about, but she didn’t know his favorite color or his favorite season. Basic things that friends knew about each other and even more, people that were in a relationship together. She mentally put a note in the back of her head to talk to Ethan about all of this.

But there she was browsing the alleys of her favorite bookstore, in the search of a new comic book for her brother. She felt so bad about lying to him that she hoped spoiling him a little would appease her mind and help her get rid of the guilt. As she was absentmindedly walking down the alleys, her eyes caught a book that made her smile. How to stop being a dick to people for Dummies. It would make a fun gift for sure, very on brand for them she thought. She picked it up and put it along Louis’ book under her arm. Before going to pay, her feet took her to the notebooks sections. She loved pretty notebooks. She had many at home, most of them were not even used. She loved to collect them more than writing in them. As she was looking at the new arrivals, she saw a poor little cactus, in a corner and once again her mind went back to Ethan and his flat. A cactus would bring a little color to the space and would make it a little more personal. And a cactus didn’t require a lot of attention and care. Perfect she thought.

Her new belongings under her arm, she went back home. The house was unusually quiet. Whenever Julia was back home, she would at least be welcomed by the happy barks of Bailey. She called out for her mom but nothing, not even Louis answered her. They must have been out.But her dad was also nowhere to be seen. The door of his office was opened, something rare when he was not working in it. His laptop was opened on a few tabs showing datas that Julia recognised quickly. She was looking at the same results every race weekend. She was definitely not supposed to see that and she couldn’t help but feel worried about the quietness of the house. There was no way her dad would have left the datas in plain sight if something hadn’t happened that caused everyone to leave in a rush. But still, she had a lot of her unanswered questions that could be solved a few centimeters away from her. It was tempting. So tempting. It was a one time only type of situation. She wasn’t sure she would use them but in any case, she still snapped a few pictures of the results with her phone before quickly leaving the office as if nothing happened.

Back in her room she retrieved the USB drive from the box she put it in and transferred her pictures on it before deleting them quickly, as if it would make her phone explode. Then, she stared at the new added files, not knowing what to do with them. She didn’t have much time to think as she heard noises in the entrance. She closed her laptop before getting downstairs and saw Louis, his left ankle in a cast looking visibly distraught.

“Oh gosh what happened?” she exclaimed.

“Your brother thought he was a monkey for some minutes. The reality check was a bit brutal.” explained Lyanna, ruffling her son’s hair.

“But I told you, it was a rare bird! And I wanted to see it closely. It’s not my fault if the branch was unstable.”

“Thank God, dad heard the noise it made and reacted fast.”

As if he heard his name being mentioned, Charles appeared with Bailey and Louis’ crutches.

“I had an eye on him ever since he had gone out and was trying to climb. I could see the incident happening from miles away.”

“And you didn’t try to stop him?”

“Lya, love, I don’t know one kid that had not tried climbing in a tree before. I used to hide in them with a book when I was Louis age to have some peace and quiet. Falling is part of life, look he is okay. It’s just the ankle, it will be fine.”

“But it could have been worse! You should have said something the minute he started climbing.”

Julia saw her brother putting his headphone on his ears and closing his eyes. The argument that was starting between their parents was triggering him, she could see it.

“I went to the bookstore today to find something for Ethan. I’m going out tonight to celebrate.”

It had the effect she hoped for. Ethan’s mention made both of her parents stop arguing to focus on her.

“Nice, where are you going?” asked Lyanna.

“Restaurant with Romy before joining the boys downtown.”

“And what did you pick for lover boy?” snorted Charles, earning a side glance from his wife.

“I found a cute cactus and a book for him. I didn’t know what I could get him that would be useful.”

“A cactus?” repeated Charles.

“Yeah… you know, to symbolize our relationship. The hope it will last for a long time since you can’t kill a cactus that easily and the prickles are a nice metaphor of us throwing shade at each other but just like they are here to protect the plant, our banter is us showing that we care about one another.”

That was so cheesy she wanted to gag. She was not the only one, her dad looked at her weirdly as her mom sighed in content.

“That’s very cute, Ju’. I’m sure he will love it.”

“Did you know that a cactus actually symbolizes endurance and strength in the face of adversity, because they thrive in harsh and arid environments?” said Louis.

“I… didn’t. But you know what, Louis? I think it sums up our relationship pretty well.”

“When will we meet him? When is he going to come home to see us?”

“He will be allowed to come when he beats me on a track, Louis.” said Charles.

“When he what?” asked Lyanna, completely unaware about the trial her husband set for Ethan.

“Dad wants to play male Alpha with Ethan, he wants to organize a karting race between him and Ethan.” explained Julia, clearly annoyed.

“Well, in that case, why not invite Kat and Max as well? Max could race too, it could be fun. And it would be a good occasion to have a nice reunion, it’s been a while.”

“I’ll talk to Ethan about it, but for now, I have to get ready. I’m meeting Romy downtown.”

It was always easy to find Romy in a crowd, her confidence made her stand out in a crowd. She was always the one laughing the loudest, talking to everyone in an attempt to make them feel at ease. With Julia, they couldn’t be more different, but that’s why she loved Romy. They spent a little time catching up before Romy looked her dead in the eyes.

“You and Ethan. How? When? Why? I have so many questions and I’ve never seen it coming. You’ve never told me that you liked him. It was always quite the opposite.”

“Yeah, it just happened. It still surprises me but, you were right, he is not that bad.”

“I bet he is not.” said Romy with a suggestive wink making Julia blush.

“But enough about me! Tell me more about Kyle and you!”

The blonde shrugged it off, sipping on her drink and avoiding Julia’s gaze.

“It’s not serious. I know that, he knows that and we are fine with it. We have fun. There is nothing else to say.”

Julia didn’t insist, knowing very well that if her friend wanted to talk to her about her relationship she would, when she would feel ready. Trying to get something out of her would only result in Romy closing off. They finally left the restaurant to meet Ludwig, Kyle and Ethan in front of the nightclub. They were soon escorted to the VIP sections where drinks were already waiting for them. Ethan didn’t want a big party, with many people whom half of them were unknown to him. He wanted to keep it lowkey with only his closest friends. They chatted and laughed altogether and his gaze fell on Julia. She was having fun and even let Romy drag her to dance along with her.  He liked seeing her so carefree and at ease around him and his friends, as she had always belonged here. It left a bittersweet taste in his mouth and couldn’t help but wonder how would have been their relationship if they had grown up as friends and not as enemies. Would they be strangers? Would they be friends? Best friends, maybe? More? Did he even want to be something with her? As he was still watching her, he didn’t notice his two best friends getting closer to him.

“So… how is the fake dating going?” asked Ludwig with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Better than expected, to be honest. She is not what I thought she would be. She is not the insufferable girl that I remember. I think we could be great friends, if she wanted to.”

“Oh, look at you being sweet. You are cute.” Ludwig laughed.

“ Shut up.”

“I’m glad you guys are getting along well but I have to admit that I’m still skeptical about all of that. I hope that lying to everyone is worth it. Especially to your parents.”  said Kyle with calm.

“We are invited by my parents for my birthday tomorrow. We will have to act as a couple and I have to admit that it’s stressing me out. My mom can smell bullshit from miles away and I know that it will be hard to convince her.”

They enjoyed the rest of the night and it was late when they finally exited the club. Julia hugged a very drunk Romy that was clinging to Kyle as he tried his best to not let her fall on his ass and Julia joined Ethan near his car.

“You didn’t drink?” she asked.

“Nope. Didn’t feel like it.” he simply answered.

“Why? It’s your birthday.”

“I have a lot on my mind and we are meeting my parents tomorrow, I don’t want to look like a mess.”

She nodded and opened the door of the car before sitting on the passenger seat, as if she had always belonged there. He took his place behind the wheel and drove back to her place in silence. Monaco by night was quiet and it was always something he enjoyed. It allowed him to hear his thoughts. But lately Julia seemed to occupy a huge place in them and he doesn’t know how to describe it. When he closed his eyes, before falling asleep, sometimes he could swear that he could hear her laugh or see her eyes. And he couldn’t explain why it helped him relax. They finally arrived at her house. He expected her to jump out of it to avoid being near him longer than what she had to, but was surprised to see her rummaging through her bag and taking out two small packages that she handed to him.

“You didn’t have to, but thank you.”

“Look at what I bought before saying thanks.”

Ethan couldn’t help but laugh when he saw the book and the small cactus. He looked at her and saw a playful gleam in her eyes. She was trying her best to refrain from laughing too and was biting her lips.

“Well… I will have to top my game for your birthday. You set the expectations very high.”

“I hope we won’t be together anymore by then!” she replied, laughing.

“Maybe… we can still be friends, right? I don’t want to go back to hating you. I can’t.” he told her, very seriously.

“Maybe. We can learn how to be, at least.”

They were surprised to see the lights on in the Leclerc’s household and a silhouette lurking behind the living-room window. Ethans quickly recognised Charles that was more than likely looking at them. Julia noticed him too and turned to Ethan.

“Lean in. Pretend you are kissing me.” she said, almost ordering him.

“What?”

“We have to make it believable! Put your hand on my face and lean in!”

He didn’t know why but he panicked. He had his fair share of girls asking him to kiss him. But never in a million years would he have ever thought that he would hear that from Julia. Suddenly, his palms were sweating and his clothes felt too tight and Julia was too close. He could almost see the light sparkles of gold in her green eyes. If he was focusing on them hard enough he swore that he could count them. She had freckles. He didn’t know about them, he never paid enough attention to notice them. His throat was dry and he didn’t know why. He found her beautiful and he didn’t know why. And it terrified him. He would have run away if her two cold hands didn’t suddenly grab his face and she put her forehead against his. He could feel her breath mixing with his and if he moved, even an inch, he could bump her nose with his. And he would have to if two knocks against the passenger’s window didn’t wake him out of his transe. He was quick to leave the car, as Julia took her bag and opened her door. Charles was in his sweatpants and was clearly waiting for Julia to come back before going to bed.

“Thank you Ethan for bringing her back safe and sound. You didn’t drink, right? Because if you took the wheel while having drinks in your system…”

“I’m totally sober, Cha… Mr. Leclerc. You can test me, if you want.”

“It’s okay. You are not irresponsible. I trust you on this. But just on this. If you want me to trust you more, let’s meet the day after tomorrow, on a karting track, so you can show me your worth. And bring your family along, Lya would love to see your mom and I wouldn’t mind racing against your dad, like back then.”

“You know me, I’m always up for a challenge, you can count me in. Especially if it’s to beat you. I’ve alway dreamed of that! And I’ll talk to my dad. Speaking of, is it okay for you if I come to pick you up around six, tomorrow?”

Julia nodded and as if it was natural for him, Ethan smiled and leaned in to kiss the top of her head. Totally unbothered, he went to shake Charles’ hand, before squeezing one last time the young woman waist who thanked the stars that it was so dark so no one could see her blushing.

The next day, before dressing up for dinner at Ethan’s parents, she decided to work on Ferrari’s car. She didn’t know where it all would go, if she even wanted it to go somewhere. She opened her notebooks and started to watch some onboards from the drivers, as well as the data she wrongfully collected. But without knowing what the data represented it was tough to extract anything from it. But still she gathered some info. Against her will, her thoughts drifted to Martin. She would need to know the feelings of someone who was actually driving the car, it would help her so much. But it felt wrong, especially after the birthday party and what happened in the car. She had felt the atmosphere changing and she didn’t know what could have happened if her father had not interrupted them. And she was grateful that he did, something she never thought she would say. But part of her still wondered… would they have kissed? Would she have let him kiss her? Or would she have been the one to kiss him first? Did she want to kiss him? She shook her head. She didn’t want to think about this. Not now, not ever.

Her gaze fell on her notes and the endless scribbling that was not going anywhere. She knew she had all the information in the palm of her hands if she wanted to open the files that were on the USB plugged in on her laptop. She felt sick. This whole USB drive made her sick. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t help but think that it was still cheating and the consequences could only lead to disaster. But she was curious, so curious. So she opened the file and started to browse the documents, paying more attention to them than the first time. She quickly understood that they could and would help her but, a wave of nausea got a hold of her and she closed the tabs quickly. It was too much and she couldn’t brace herself to add another lie to the list. She unplugged it and threw her in a box that she hid far away from her, as if it could erase the temptation.

Finally it was time for her to get dressed and a part of her was thankful for it. It would get her mind out of the bomb that was in her room. Ethan was on her way to pick her up and she felt stressed out. She didn’t know how she was supposed to act or how she should behave. Did Ethan expect her to be clingy? Or did he want to keep the physical interactions to the bare minimum? She had never been in a situation like that before, she had never met in-laws, even fake ones. She felt stupid. She knew Max and Kat. She knew them very well and not once had she ever felt uncomfortable at the idea of eating with them. Was she supposed to dress fancy? She looked at her clothes and sighed before setting her mind on a jean and a blouse.

As she was finishing applying her makeup she heard a car parking in front of the house and the door opening. She breathed in and breathed out one last time, took her bag and went down to see Louis ambushing Ethan in the entrance.

“You’re my sister’s boyfriend.” said Louis as a matter of fact.

“I…am?” replied Ethan.

“Why?”

“Why, what?”

“You fancy her. She is my sister. It’s weird.”

“Louis, please, don’t bother Ethan.” stepped in Julia.

“No, please, Louis keep going, I also want to know why.” Charles came out of his office, a half-smile on his face.

“You guys are embarrassing.” complained Julia.

“I just want to know why. You didn’t like him a few weeks ago. It’s just weird.”

“Hum, well… Julia is… well she is Julia. She is not as unlikable as I thought she was.”

“Thanks…” gritted the young Leclerc between her teeth.

“What I mean is… I had the occasion to properly get to know her and besides her sarcastic comments, the fact that she always wants to be right, how she has boring ice-cream tastes, she is not so bad. She is actually very caring. She talks a lot about you, Louis and I hope that I can be your friend, someday. And I admire her work ethic. She always wants to do the right thing and most importantly, she didn’t judge me when the whole scandal blew up. She actually agreed to keep talking to me and explore our connection. She quickly became one of the most trustworthy people that are around me. But I clearly can see that she got all of that from her dad.”

“No need to rub me in the right way, Ethan. It won’t work.”

“Yeah, it’s a bit too much.” added Julia.

They finally managed to leave and soon they were finally alone, on their way to Ethan’s parents.

“You didn’t have to pretend in front of my parents, you know.”

“Maybe I went a little overboard with the compliments, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t mean all that I said.”

When they finally arrived, Kat almost jumped on Julia, asking her how she was doing and saying how happy she was to have her. Julia felt so overwhelmed that Ethan intervened to tell his mom to calm down. He was not surprised to see that his mom had already thought about who would sit where. Julia found her seat next to Ethan as Max and Kat sat opposite of them. The conversation was pleasant and far from what Ethan had imagined. They didn’t talk about their relationship, his parents preferring to focus on Julia and getting to know her as a person and not as Ethan’s girlfriend. For once he was not the center of attention and he could watch her talking about what she was most passionate about and he found that endearing. He watched her talking about engineering with his dad and he had to admit that he was completely lost and didn’t understand half of what they were talking about, but still, he didn’t want to look away. As he was going for another glass of wine he found his mom looking at him with a soft smile on his face.

Soon, the conversation resumed around the season. Ethan was actually proud of his results and it’s with confidence that he started talking about them, thinking that his dad would be happy for him and that maybe he would get praise.

“Yeah, you were good. You had nice moments and some I really thought you could get close to the podium but you still make some mistakes that you shouldn’t make three years into F1. Not anymore. You are not a rookie anymore. But if you want we can find some time to watch some moments that I recorded so we could watch and work on them together.”

It made Ethan angry.

“Can’t you just for once, say something nice about the way I race. Can’t you just acknowledge that I don’t alway mess everything up? That I’m doing a good job?”

“I just want you to improve so you can achieve your dream. And you will never do that if you don’t listen to advice.”

Julia jumped when she felt Ethan abruptly stand up.

“Stop pretending that you care about my dreams. You don’t and you know what? I would trade them for a dad that actually cares about me. Me! And not the driver that I can be!”

And just like that he left the table as his dad was calling out to him. Without thinking twice, Julia stood up as well and excused herself as she went after Ethan. She found him outside, on the patio, sitting on the floor behind his mother’s flowers. He only noticed her when she sat down next to him.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that.” Ethan whispered.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“To say what? There is nothing to say. It’s like that. My dad doesn’t understand. How could he anyway? He is Max Verstappen and I’m only his son, just a copy. And not the best copy. No matter how hard I try, it will not be enough. I’m not enough.”

“That’s not true. You wouldn’t be here if you were not. Ask my dad, he always had good things to say about you as a driver. Surely, that doesn’t not mean nothing . You know how my dad is.”

“I just… I want my dad to act as a dad and not a fucking coach. I want his advice but I also want to hear him say, I’m proud of you son, you were great out there. Not how I should have taken a corner or how the overtake would have been more effective if I had done this or that. He doesn’t understand. He never did.”

“That’s the thing when we grew up with dads like ours. The pressure, the expectations… It's tough. I don’t think Max wants to hurt you, he just wants to push you.”

“Easy for you to say. You are your dad’s little princess. He would do anything for you.”

“Doesn’t mean that it made me happier. It brought a lot of other problems. Parents and teachers reunions ? It was always my mom who would go. I can’t even count the number of birthdays he missed because of races. Or how people looked at me and constantly judged me when they would learn about him.”

“He loves you, Julia.”

“And your dad loves you too.”

Ethan paused and looked to the ground. Julia saw Adam's apple bobbing before he spoke again, but this time with a strangled voice.

“He never said it. My dad never told me that he loved me. I know, he does. But… We were never ones to talk about feelings, I know that. I just wish that he would say it. Just once. I would love to have him come on a race to support me. Just be there, and be happy for me.”

“I’m sorry Ethan. Maybe you should talk to him. About your feelings, it would do good. Surely, it’s not healthy to keep that bottled up inside.”

Ethan shrugged before getting up. Sadness replaced anger and Julia could swear that tears were threatening to fall. She had never seen him looking so vulnerable and she didn’t know what to do. If they had been friends, she would have hugged him. But they were not, or barely were. She didn’t know where they were standing. They were not enemies anymore, but she wouldn’t go as far as saying friends. They were just two people linked to each other by a lie. So she stood up as well and waited for him to move or say something.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night. And you were not supposed to see me like this either.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, don’t worry. And seeing you vulnerable reminds me that you are human, with feelings, something I’ve never thought I would see happening.” she joked.

“You sure know how to make me feel better, Joolsie.” he said with a half-smile on his face.

“Always there to help.”

It was not a surprise when Ethan said that he was leaving. He didn’t want to stay there longer than necessary and so he brought Julia back home. The car ride was silent and a little awkward. When they were finally back, Julia didn’t waste much time before saying her goodbyes. They would see each other the next day, but for now she just needed to be alone. And Ethan did too. He hated how she had seen him like that. She was not supposed to. He was not sure, he wanted her to be. But still, it felt nice to be able to talk about his relationship with his dad. She understood him. But part of him couldn’t help but think that involving her too much into his very private life would do more bad than good. He didn’t react much when she put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly before leaving him, deep in his thoughts.

When she opened the door, she was not surprised to see that her dad was waiting for her.

“How was it?” he asked.

“Weird. I witnessed Max and Ethan fighting… They don’t have the best relationship, I wasn’t expecting it. I always thought that Max was supportive of Ethan’s career. Turns out it is not what I expected… I feel bad for Ethan. I know I can’t do anything but…” she explained sitting down next to her dad.

“Do you want me to try and talk to Max tomorrow? See if I can do something…”

“We shouldn’t get involved…”

“I know but if Ethan is important to you then I guess that he is important to me as well. And I won’t repeat it twice so you better hold onto that only time I will say it because if you ask me to repeat it I will play dumb.”

She sighed. It made her feel better to know that her dad would not be too big of a problem in her relationship. She kissed him on the cheek before going back to her room. She quickly got rid of her clothes and threw her blanket over her head. As she was tossing and turning in her bed, replaying the conversation she had with Ethan, she grabbed her phone to text him.

For what it’s worth, I think you are amazing on tracks.

Author's note: What do you think will happen next? Let me know your theories, I love to read them.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. It helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

[imdoingsortagay]

For the Valentine’s Day prompts: 26 with Agatha <3

The Little Things in Life

26. “This reminded me of you.”

word count: 1.1

Love just never seemed to be in the books for Agatha and she had grown used to that. The many years of hiding out from people who wanted to harm her taught her that all that she needed was herself and no other person, that is thought until she had you one day. 

It felt like something in all those cheesy romantic Comedies if she has to be honest. Agatha has volunteered to grocery shop for Wanda while she and vision were at home enjoying being brand new parents to twin sons. She didn’t have anything else do to since she was off work for the day so might as well be helpful to her friend. After a good 10 minutes of shopping and you had gotten her attention by looking at all of the different options for milk. She didn’t blame you cause there was alot. 

“ you know for a beverage like milk, I don’t get why we need so many variations,” Agatha says and you jump a little at not seeing her approach you. 

“ Oh my god,” you squeal, not noticing the brunette pop up next to you, too zoned out in the milk section trying to choose one. 

“ Oh my god, I didn’t mean to scare you-” 

“ It’s fine all fine miss,” you pause to let her introduce herself.

“ Harkness, my name is Agatha Harkness and you must be new in town dear. I know practically everyone in town and I don’t recall seeing you”. 

“ y/n, and yeah this is my second day here in town but this is my first time shopping for groceries without a roommate to help me. Never thought I'd struggle to buy milk of all things.” 

Though Agatha had gotten all the groceries for herself and the Maximoffs, taking some time out of her day to help you wouldn’t hurt at all. 

That one conversation leads to what she considers to this day to be a love story ever after years of just being on her own. She never failed to mention her love for you every day and today was one of those days, as she made her weekly trip to the flower shop in town the owner of the shop had just recently gotten a new order of flowers. 

“ Are these new flowers today Mr. Mansfield?” 

“Always a good eye to notice new things, Harkness,” he says, “ Lucy got a recommendation from our grandson to plant these for a crush of his and we decided it would be a good idea to add them to the shop as well”. God did the older witch love this flower ship and the flowers they had?

20 more minutes of small talk and the witch left with a bouquet for you, one of your favorite drinks, and a cute little stuffed animal that you talk a lot about and she heads off with a smile on her face. Her way of showing her love to you was always gifted and she never failed to notice the way your eyes lit up and how happy her heart felt when you gave her a big hug. 

Once she comes back home, Agatha is greeted at the door by Ebony, who purred in delight to see her back before leaving her to go do his daily exploring. She searches for you all over the house until she finds you in the garage, getting some laundry done. While she would have wanted to surprise you, the sound of the door opening immediately got your attention to greet her with a hug. 

“ Aggie my love bug,” you squeal in delight, always missing her even when she’s been gone a couple of hours. 

“ Did Ebony make sure to protect you from any harm while I was gone ?” 

“ Well, he did until the Minimoffs came over to pick up some stuff for their mom and he just had to act all cute,” you dramatically roll your eyes, and your girlfriend giggles. For a cat who always tried to act like he ruled the house, he seemed to crumble when it came to little attention.

“Ebony,” Agatha starts while grabbing the young cat,” how many times do I tell you that you need to protect my woman here from any danger? I might just have to reduce your pay from a couple treats a week if you continue with this work ethic my dear ebony,” and the cat meows back at the older woman. You giggle at how a strict, mean-looking woman like Agatha Harkness could look so soft and adorable lecturing her cat. 

Once Agatha made sure the Cat understood that she met business, your girlfriend took your hand to lead you to the kitchen where you saw a bouquet of purple Peony flowers, another squishmallow to add to your growing collection, and what seems to be one of your favorite coffee drinks from the local coffee shop. 

“ Did you buy me all this?” and she nods. 

“ Agatha my love, you didn’t even need to buy me all this stuff,” You say looking at the beautiful bouquet she got, the pretty light purple catching your eye. A small squishmallow that you had been looking to buy for the past couple of weeks but never seem to be able to find as everyone seemed to want it and an iced coffee from the shop you go to before heading to work. 

“ This reminded me of you,” she starts,” coffee to treat my baby, the silly stuffed animal that I know you’ve been trying to find in your free time, and the bouquet of Peonies to show all of the love that I have for you. All these little things just remind me about my infinite love for you and I wanted to treat my best girl.” 

Both of you were standing in the kitchen crying, Agatha had always been so fearful and scared of love that when you had come into her life that day in the grocery store, she was forever thankful that she had you in her life after years of being alone. 

Before Agatha started talking more, you placed your lips on hers, showing her that she was loved by you, and how much you appreciated her. After a couple of minutes of an intense makeout session, she pulls you away from her, needing to get some air and she giggles at the look on your face. 

“ I love you aggie,” you tell her. 

“ Love you too sweet y/n,” she says back.

At this moment Agatha realized that It was all the little things that made her so happy to have you in her life.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

I can't believe Neil talking through the bathroomdoor got a little giggle out of me. After we've been through so much.

"no I'm sad" me too, buddy, me too.

Hell yes. That's what we need some fucking girl sex talk. Smth a little light, a palet cleanser.

Oh wow Neil and Britta talking about the kidnapping. 👀👀👀

Wait does Neil not get that she wanted to save him? Or does he not get she did ALL THAT to save him? Two very different things.

Britta finally really talking about all her feelings and experiences during the kidnapping.

And Neil talking about his feelings too. 😭

The quiet "well..." from Neil when Wynn says Britta's feelings for pendragon aren't wrong. 😂

Lmaooooooooooooo Neil why don't you tell them how you really feel about Pendragon.

Lmao are Wynn and Neil like some devil and angel on Britta's shoulder rn.

Johnny opening the door for Miles! 👀👀

Ohhhh bearded kindred. Intriguing. 👀

Oh wow toreador justicar, who is the cruellest of them all. Pretty in the way that a praying mantiss is. Yikes.

Idk if hand holding is comforting.

"I hear that you (Miles) don't have a lot of time, anymore." I'm sorry but subteefuge cannot be one of her main skills. 😂 So obvious.

Oh no. Ventrue call their sire's sire Grand sire? Lmaoooooo why is that the whitest thing they could ever do??? Goddamn you should all be wearing fucking powdered wigs!

Wowowowowow we're not gonna explain this weird disappearing needle gift???? I don't trust it.

Omg they're crushing Pieterzoon's skull right there!!!

And now we're back in therapy?? Goddamn.

Fuck Britta, I love you, but girl you need some goddamn therapy! Like damn girl, you have self worth issues.

Fuck me, I know I have said this before but I need Wynn to be my mom.

"What if I like him, because I'm like him.".... Just mouth open. Girrrrrrrrrrlll.

Wynn using her degree in psychology once again.

I guess this is also a little bit of therapy for Neil, as in that he at least vocalise it.

Neil really succinctly summed up the slippery slope of any abusive relationship. How they draw you in, and slowly change you and isolate you from everyone and they start asking things of you and at first you think it's fine, but it becomes more and more and at a certain point you think you might not want to do it but you alrwady did so much else and you don't want them to leave/hurt you so you keep doing it because it feels like there is no other choice.

Lmaooooooooooooo Neil just so practical, steamrolling this poor girl! 😂

Them talking about bad feeding.

Yeah right. Neil going to see Nara? I'll believe it when I see it. Consider me distrustful. e.e

Neil does not like Pendragon lol. And he's not shy about it.

Aw Britta, you need a hug, and therapy.

Fuck, we're back with Miles. Damn holy fuck. Oh god! 1 success due to willpower! Wooooh

Johnny's got Miles's back. 🥰

Ugh. Hardestadt is the worst. I hate him.

Yes!!! Lucita! 😂 What???? Kabir???? Weathers???? Amaya??? And Xavier??? Lmaooo! This is insane, but it makes me crazy happy!

Yes Kabir kiss her and make her feel connection!

NOOOOOO they cannot go fight yet. 😭😭 I needed more talking, more hugging!!

Weathers 😭😭😭😭 not wanting to take Johnny's car. He's such a good man.

Daaaamn they thought Miles just wanted them to grab the glowing ashes??? It's good to know that Miles stopped him though.

Oh my God! Pendragon lied for Johnny and the coterie!!! Intrigue!

Wynn caring about Neil's fanny pack. 😭

I REALLY like Amaya, she's a delight. (also I am still feeling vindicated about the fact that she was sometimes called Amara and that I wasn't just crazy for writing that down in some liveblogs).

Britta and Pendragon. 👀👀👀

"Speak" RUDE!

"It doesn't matter." (about kissing breaking the ritual) Okay that's pretty damn hot.

"I'll see you after." damn that must be hard to hear when you're convinced that person is going to die.

[atths--twice]

Chapter Seventeen

Alone, and not wanting to be, Fox decides to leave town.

Saturday afternoon

Fox sighed as he sat down on his couch. He had just returned from dropping off the gifts for everyone at the diner, all of them thankful and appreciative for the items he had chosen. 

Manny and Joe had been especially grateful, thanking him for coming in every day and helping out when he had and always being kind to everyone. Lucy had hugged him, kissing his cheek and wishing him merry Christmas. The others had smiled and thanked him as he left and he had been glad to know he had brought them some happiness. 

Looking around his apartment, at all the happy decorations within it, he suddenly felt incredibly lonely and sad. 

He had gifts under his tree, from Samantha and the one from Dana, but the thought of opening them on his own on Christmas seemed awfully depressing. 

Last year, he had been with Samantha and her family, but this year they were going away with Greg’s parents to their cabin in the mountains, something they did every other year. Samantha had asked if he wanted to join them, but he had declined, believing Dana would be in town, at least a couple more days, and they would be seeing each other. 

Pushing himself off the couch, he picked up his phone just as it beeped and vibrated with a message from Dana. He grinned as he opened it and saw a picture of a train station sign. Glancing at the time, he knew they must have just arrived. 

Three dots appeared and he waited while a message was typed out. 

From Ivy it read, followed by Christmas emojis, happy faces, hearts, and lots of animals. 

He laughed and shook his head as he liked each of the messages. 

Thank you, Ivy. Have fun with your family. 

He sent back many of the same emojis to her, adding trains and snowflakes. When a heart appeared on his message, he smiled and knew that would be all he heard for the time being. 

He sighed, exited his message app and called Samantha. 

“Well, hello there, brother,” she said and he smiled. 

“Hello.” 

“What’s up?” 

“Is it too late for me to accept your invitation to join you for Christmas?” he asked, looking at his little pile of gifts. 

“Oh! Of course not! Oh yay! The boys will be so excited to see you!” 

“Nina and Dave won’t mind?” he asked, thinking of Greg’s parents. 

“No! You know they love you. They always ask if you’ll be joining us.” 

“Okay,” he said with a smile. 

“Oh, I’m so happy you’ll be here,” she said. “Do you want to fly here and drive with us or… no, that won’t work as we will need space to bring their… gifts, if you catch my meaning.” 

“I do,” he said with a chuckle. “I can fly closer to Nina and Dave’s place and rent a car, or come to yours and still rent a car. I could carry the… gifts, if you wanted, so they don’t accidentally see them.” 

“Oh, that could work. We’ve gone crazy this year and decided to get them dual wheeled modes of transportation,” she said and he laughed again, knowing for certain the boys must be somewhere close by and saying bikes would be catastrophic. 

“Well, that sounds great. As long as you don’t forget the tools like dad did that year.” 

“Oh my god,” she said with a laugh. “Mom was so mad.” 

“Poor guy had to trudge through the snow to the neighbors and beg to borrow them.” 

They both laughed, remembering how their mom had tutted under her breath as their dad had worked to put the toys together, a wooden kitchen set for Samantha and a bike for him, that Santa had “forgotten” to ask the elves to build. 

“Good thing we didn’t ask too many questions,” he said and she laughed again which ended in a deep sigh that he heard as well as felt.

“So,” she said, clearing her throat. “What do you think you’ll do?” 

He decided to fly to Samantha’s and rent a car. After hanging up with her, he booked a flight leaving early the next morning. He sent the itinerary to Samantha and then began to pack for the next week, planning to return the same day as Dana and Ivy.

He set his suitcase and bag of gifts by the door when it was ready and then cleaned out the refrigerator. He took out the trash and washed the dishes, tidying up anything that was out of place so the apartment would be clean when he came home. 

Sitting on the balcony later, warm from his activities, his phone beeped and he picked it up, finding another message from Dana. 

It was a video, Ivy’s smiling face frozen on the screen. He pressed play and many voices began to sing happy birthday while Ivy beamed. A cake with a number six candle burning was set down in front of her by an older woman with short brown hair and a kind smile. 

Ivy’s eyes lit up at the sight of the homemade double layer chocolate cake with brightly colored sprinkles which looked absolutely delicious. She grinned and laughed as the song ended and everyone clapped. 

“Make a wish baby girl,” a man’s voice said and Ivy closed her eyes. 

Once again, like she had on her actual birthday, her lips moved but no sound came out, her wish as long as it was then. 

“Umm, what is she wishing for?” a woman asked quietly and he recognized Melissa’s voice. 

Dana laughed softly and he smiled at the sound, even as it made him miss her. 

“She did it the other day too,” Dana said. “I wonder if it’s the same one.” 

“Whatever it is, I sure hope she gets it,” Melissa said. “Girl has put some serious thought into it.” 

They both laughed quietly and then Ivy blew the candle out, everyone cheering again. 

“That was a long wish, Ivy,” the same man’s voice said and the camera panned over to a jovial looking bald older man. “What did you wish for?” 

“I can’t tell, Grandpa. If I do, it won’t come true,” Ivy said seriously as she took out the candle and licked the bottom of it. 

“Fair enough,” he said, laughing goodnaturedly. “Grandma? Let’s get this girl some cake.” 

The same brown haired woman came back into frame and picked up the cake, kissing Ivy on the top of her head. 

The video stopped there and he sighed, watching it again as he looked at Dana’s family members that he did not know, but looked like nice people. 

Another long wish… she must be really wanting something. 😊  Glad she has a chance to have her birthday before Christmas takes over. Please tell her I said hello and happy birthday again. 

Pressing send, he also added a heart to the video she sent. 

A heart appeared above his message, then three dots popped up, disappeared, and came back once again. He waited, thinking about their goodbye and the look on her face as the train pulled away. He rubbed a hand over his mouth and sighed. 

A slight vibration made him look down and he smiled as he read her message. 

As long as it’s not a pony or something impractical, I think we’re good. 😊

True, he wrote back. The cake looked good, I’m sure she loved it. Goodnight to you, my friend, Dana. 

And to you, my friend 🦊 

He laughed at the emoji adding a heart to the message, just as she did the same to his message. 

He smiled as he drew in a deep breath and rose from the couch. Unplugging the Christmas lights, he went inside. Locking the sliding door and closing the curtains, he unplugged the tree and other lights. 

Lying down in bed later, he set his alarm and fell asleep quickly, dreaming of train whistles and chocolate cake. 

___________________

Christmas Eve 

“Hey,” Samantha said, sitting beside him at what was affectionately known as the puzzle table. “You’re over here again?” 

“I’m determined to get this finished,” he said, adding another piece to the jigsaw puzzle and searching for the next shape, as he shooed her hands away. “Unless you’ve come over here planning to help, don’t mess with my system.” 

“I can’t believe you made a puzzle piece system,” she laughed, picking up a piece and looking for where it would fit. 

“Ever since I learned that it’s been sitting here unfinished for two years,” he said, looking at her and shaking his head. “I have been determined to finish it. Two years, Sam.” 

“I never should have told you,” she said, laughing again. 

“Yes, you should have, because look…” He gestured to the puzzle that was nearly complete. “It was half this before. My system works.” 

“Yeah, it does,” she admitted, fitting her piece in and smiling. “You’re so smart.” 

“I know I am,” he said, giving her a look and shrugging with his palms up. She laughed and bumped his shoulder as they continued working on the puzzle. 

“Glad you came?” she asked, glancing at him. 

“Yeah,” he said with a smile, nodding as he added another piece. “It’s been really fun.” 

And it had. 

William and Adam had been overjoyed to see him, not being told he would be arriving, and jumped on him at the door when he rang the bell. 

They had chatted nonstop it seemed from the moment he arrived until they left the next morning. He had been shown everything new and exciting they had gotten or made since the last time they had seen him, which had only been a few months ago. 

He had followed them up to the cabin on his own, his car full of the wrapped and also covered gifts, and Samantha and Greg’s had the luggage and the boys. Nina and Dave had already been there when they arrived, welcoming them all in with hugs and kisses. 

Fox had the guest room/office, which was at the back end of the house. Samantha had fond memories of the room as she had brought the boys in there when they were babies, to nurse and sleep when she herself was exhausted, finding the pullout couch to be very comfortable. 

They had gone skiing, ice skating, had snowball fights, built many snowmen, and gone sledding. It had snowed twice since they arrived, adding to the already large amount on the ground. 

Nights had been spent by the fire watching Christmas movies, playing games, building gingerbread houses, and baking many sweet treats. 

Now it was Christmas Eve. The stockings were hanging on the mantel and cookies and milk had been left for Santa, along with four carrots cut in half, so each reindeer got an equal amount. 

“Because that’s fair,” William had said, giving four carrots to Adam who nodded solemnly beside him. 

“Oh, we know that’s important,” Greg had added, giving Fox a look as he held the plate for them to place the carrots on them. 

The boys were asleep, but every precaution was being taken in case one of them stumbled out of bed, excited to see if Santa had come yet. Greg and Dave were quietly putting the bikes together in the closed off main bedroom, getting them ready for the morning. 

Nina and Samantha had placed all the wrapped gifts under and around the tree, adding new ornaments for the boys to find while Fox had opened a bottle of wine and poured everyone a glass. 

Nina was preparing food for tomorrow’s breakfast and singing softly as she moved around the kitchen. Fox glanced up and looked at her with a smile. 

“You couldn’t have asked for better in laws,” he told Samantha softly and she hummed in response. 

“I know. I’m thankful for them every day. I think mom and dad would have really liked them,” she said, adding another piece to the puzzle. 

“Oh, yeah,” he agreed, nodding his head. “They would take cruises together and dad would buy matching shirts for him and Dave, delivering it to him covertly once they were on board. They would come to dinner dressed the same, just to make mom laugh and then roll her eyes.” 

“God,” Samantha laughed. “I could so see him doing something like that. Something super dumb or punny like, time to get ship faced, or something equally ridiculous. It would be hilarious to see those pictures.” 

“It really would.”

They both laughed again, but then sighed as they thought of what would never be. He placed his hand over hers and squeezed. She nodded, squeezing back gently, no words necessary. 

“Have you heard from Dana?” Samantha asked, letting go of his hand and reaching for another puzzle piece. 

“No,” he said, his stomach dropping slightly. “Not since yesterday actually, and that was just a picture of Ivy standing in the yard as snow was falling.” 

“Haven’t you both been texting pictures? I know you’ve been taking a lot.”

“Yeah,” he said, letting out a sigh. “I know she’s with her family, as am I, and I love the pictures, it just feels… I don’t know. It feels like she… it feels almost distant or something. And I don’t mean our geographical distance.” He attempted a smile, but Samantha did not smile back. 

“What do you mean?” she asked, staring at him with concern. 

“I’m not sure I can adequately explain it, to be honest,” he said, glancing at his phone which lay on the table beside him. 

“Try,” she said quietly and he sighed with a nod. 

“I miss her,” he whispered and Samantha exhaled through her nose, smiling kindly at him. 

“Anyone could see that,” she said, touching his arm. 

“But… I feel like I shouldn’t. Not the way I do. We’re friends and that’s-”

“Fox,” Samantha scoffed lovingly, rubbing his arm and shaking her head. “You’re not just friends.” 

“But-”

“No, no buts. You’re not. You might not be dating or in a relationship, but you’re not just friends.” 

“No,” he whispered, looking down at his lap. 

“And you have every right to miss her. She’s someone you see every day. Someone you look forward to seeing every day.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed with a nod, glancing at his phone again. “I don’t expect her to be in constant contact with me when she’s gone. I wouldn’t want it as it would take her from her family, but the messages she’s been sending feel different than her usual ones. Like… I don’t know. I can’t…” 

“You can’t find the words, my writer brother?” she asked, smiling softly. “The one who wrote such a beautiful story of the anticipation and arrival of the boys that I wept? That I still cry when I read it to them when they ask to hear it?” 

“You were hormonal,” he said. “That doesn’t count.” 

“Shut up,” she said, pushing at him as she laughed and he smiled. She sighed and he held her gaze for a second and then looked down with a sigh of his own. 

“It just feels different,” he said softly and shook his head. “I don’t know what it is but-”

His phone started to ring, vibrating against the table. They both looked at it and his stomach dropped. 

“Speak of the devil,” Samantha said, seeing Dana’s name on the screen as he picked it up and stared at it, but did not answer, suddenly feeling very nervous. “I’m gonna go see if Nina needs any help.” She stood up quickly and ran her hand across his shoulders as she started to walk away. 

Licking his lips, he swallowed and accepted the call. 

“Hello?” he asked, but did not get a response. “Hello? Dana?” 

A sniffle and then a small sob had him standing to his feet, the chair nearly falling over. 

“Dana? Dana, are you okay?” he said, his heart racing and breathing increasing. 

“I- I…” Another sob and loud sniffling. 

“Dana?” he asked, looking at Samantha where she had frozen in place between him and the kitchen. He shook his head and she walked toward him, her hand reaching out to grasp his, as history felt like it was repeating. 

“Dana, are you okay? Is it Ivy? Is she… God, is she okay? Your parents?” 

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry.” 

Samantha stared at him, her eyes wide and hand gripping his tightly. 

“Dana…” 

“We’re okay. Everyone’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t think... Fox, I’m sorry.” She cried harder and he let out a breath of relief and sagged slightly, Samantha’s other hand pressing to his chest and steadying him. 

“She’s okay,” he whispered and Samantha murmured something he did not catch. “She’s okay. She’s okay.” 

He took a deep breath and let it out, licking his lips again. Squeezing Samantha’s hand, he nodded at her and then turned around to walk downstairs to his bedroom. 

He listened to Dana crying and apologizing as he walked quickly and quietly past the boys door, though he knew they would not hear him with their noise machine playing loudly. 

Closing his bedroom door, he began to pace in the space at the foot of the pullout couch. 

“I’m so sorry. I should have thought,” she said and then blew her nose quietly. 

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay,” he said consolingly, wanting to know what had caused her this pain. “What happened?” 

She sniffled again and let out a breath. 

“I… I opened your suitcase.” She cried again with a whimper and he paused in his walking, feeling confused. 

“I don’t-”

“You bought gifts for my family,” she whispered and he sat down heavily onto the bed, his heart sinking as he feared she was about to tell him off for overstepping their friendship. 

“You don’t have to-”

“I told you my brother might not make it for Christmas…” she said, sniffling and crying softly. “We didn’t think he’d be here, but you got him a gift anyway. You got them all gifts. Fox…” She sniffled again as she whimpered his name. “Why? Why would you…” She cried harder and he felt like his heart was breaking. 

“I just-”

“You don’t even know them,” she continued, her voice full of tears. “You’ve never seen anyone but Missy. Why would you… why would you do something like that for strangers?” 

“Because…” He let out a breath and rubbed a hand across his chin. 

“I’ve never…” She stopped and took a few breaths and he waited, deciding to stop talking and just listen.  

She blew her nose again, sniffled and drew in a deep breath. 

“Jordan and I dated for two years. He came to two family birthdays with me. Two,” she said, sniffling, her voice quavering. “After that, I made excuses for him not being there.” She breathed hard and choked back tears. “He never… never made any attempt to come, but accepted the thanks for the gift I bought when it was mentioned. He never, not once, thought to get any of them a gift. He… he said he didn’t know them, didn’t know what to get.” 

She started crying again and he leaned forward with his head on his hand.

“He… he didn’t even try to get to know them. He… he had no desire. I hated that about him, but I always brushed it aside. I didn’t want…” She whimpered and then must have moved the phone away because she sounded far away as she cried. 

He closed his eyes and took deep breaths to remain calm and let her speak without expressing his disdain for the man who had treated her that way. She blew her nose again and her breathing became closer. 

“He made no effort with my family and they never liked him, which I completely understand. He was my boyfriend and he didn’t care.” She sniffled and let out a breath. “You… you’re my friend… and you… you did more for them… in two months of knowing me, than he ever did… in two years. I can’t…” She cried harder and he wished he was able to reach through the phone and hug her. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you… for their gifts.” 

“You’re welcome,” he whispered back. “If it’s too forward… too much, please don’t-”

“It’s not,” she insisted, letting out a deep breath. 

“It wasn’t my intention to make you cry like this,” he said softly. “I feel terrible that you are.” 

“No,” she breathed. “Please don’t.” 

He sighed and she blew her nose again. 

“I opened your gift,” she whispered and his eyes flew open as his head lifted. “Fox… I can’t believe you did that. Ella’s books…” She started to cry again, but softer this time. “Every one of them… they’re so beautiful. I know what those cost. It was too much.” 

“No,” he said, shaking his head, even though he knew she could not see him. 

“Aside from my parents, and possibly my sister, no one has ever spent that much money on me.” 

“Well-”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“Of course you do.” 

“I’m so sorry for the past few days,” she said and he heard tears in her voice again. 

“Why? What do you mean?” he asked, frowning at the turn in the conversation. 

“I’ve… Jesus…” She exhaled and then inhaled with a loud sniffle. “I was… I didn’t know… no, I did. I just didn’t want to admit it or name it.” 

“I’m sorry. Dana, I don’t know what you’re saying,” he said, feeling very confused. 

“I’m sorry.” She choked out a sob and he waited while she took a few deep breaths. “I’ve been feeling… angry. Well, not angry… but… God. I’ve been short with everyone, including you.” 

“We’ve not spoken much, how could you-”

“Exactly. Exactly that,” she whispered and he closed his eyes as he rubbed his forehead. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not understanding,” he said softly and she let out a stuttering breath. 

“I’ve not been in contact and when I have, it’s only been pictures. Not messages.” 

“You’re busy. I wouldn’t expect, nor want, your time with your family to be taken up by me. I see you every day. They don’t.” 

“God,” she said, taking in sobbing breaths. “You…” 

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna let you talk,” he said, opening his eyes and letting out a sigh. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” 

She cried quietly for a couple of minutes and he waited, again wishing that he could reach through the phone and touch her, help take away her pain. 

She blew her nose a few times and then took a few deep breaths. 

“Charlie, my younger brother,” she began, her voice shaky. “I said he probably wasn’t going to make it. None of us anticipated it. He… he lives in Germany with his girlfriend. They both have… good jobs there and flying home is a lot of time and effort for just a few days.” She sniffled and drew in a deep breath. “They surprised us this morning, showing up as we sat down to eat brunch. We were all so happy to see them and then… oh…” 

She started to cry again and he heard her exhale almost angrily. 

“After we’d said our hellos, he showed us one of the reasons for the visit- a diamond on his girlfriend's left hand and…” She fell silent and he could picture her biting her lip as she was wont to do. “Everyone was screaming, laughing, and hugging them. The kids were… they all wanted to see the ring and hear the story of him asking her and… I… I just stood there, my stomach feeling sick.” 

He took a breath, wondering if maybe she did not like the soon to be sister in law, or if there was another reason she would be feeling trepidatious. 

“Beatrice is a lovely woman. I’ve always liked her, always got on with her, but in that moment, I…” She exhaled and he waited. “I smiled and listened to the story, congratulating them, but I felt so disconnected from it all. From them and my family in general. I excused myself, but no one paid much attention, except my sister who met me at the door and handed me my coat. She didn’t say anything, just opened the door and watched me leave.” 

He frowned, wondering why she was feeling angry and distant from her family. Feeling upset enough to leave the house. 

“I walked a lot. Around the neighborhood and through to another one. I forgot gloves and a hat. I was cold, but I knew I needed to be out and away from them all for a while. I just…” She sighed deeply and then sniffled. “When I came back, I could hear them in the living room and I hurried upstairs to take a bath, needing to unthaw and still take some time away.”

“When I came down, I joined in the conversations, smiling and happy, but I didn’t feel it. I put on a happy facade, but I felt like I would burst into tears every second. My head hurt from not crying and all the jovial activities going on around me. We had dinner and got ready for Santa, leaving out cookies and red bell peppers for the reindeer.” 

“Red bell peppers?” he could not help but ask, forgetting he had said he would stay quiet. 

“They like variety, you know,” she said, tears in her voice again. “Everyone else does carrots, it’s nice to…” She sniffled and he hummed, letting her know he would be quiet again. 

“Ivy has been sleeping on the trundle bed in her cousin’s room and I’ve had the guest room to myself,” she said with another sniffle. “I read to her, put her to bed, and then came in here to have a minute. Your suitcase has been in here all this time and I decided to open it, thinking it was just gifts for me and Ivy. I was going to add them to the ones under the tree and then… then I saw the ones to my family and…” 

She cried again, whimpering and sniffling, blowing her nose before starting all over again. He put his head on his hand, closing his eyes and exhaling a steadying breath. 

“I,” she said, sniffling loudly. “I burst into tears when I saw them, the fucking dam finally breaking.” She laughed bitterly and blew her nose again. “Four days. Four days I’ve been here and I’ve… I’ve felt off. Felt my temper was short at times. I know my sister’s noticed, but she hasn’t said anything. I didn’t know why until I saw your gifts.” 

“Why would they-” he started to ask and then stopped. She sighed and then sniffled, taking a few seconds.  

“When Ivy was almost four,” she said quietly. “She wasn’t feeling well. I kept asking her what was hurting… but she couldn’t pinpoint it. Finally, she touched her eyebrows and… she said “my eyes feel sad, Mommy” and I knew then she meant she had a headache.” 

He smiled at how well Ivy expressed her discomfort, thinking it sounded like a rather perfect way to describe a headache. 

“I gave her some medicine and then we sat on the couch as I rubbed her head. She ended up falling asleep for over an hour and when she woke up, she smiled at me and said that her eyes were happy now. That’s how we gauge problems and levels of pain: do you feel sad or happy?” She gave a short laugh and then sobbed out a breath. “As I held your gifts on my lap and cried, I realized what was wrong with me. Why I had been feeling unlike myself the past few days and especially why Charlie and Beatrice’s news affected me the way it did.” She drew in a shaky breath and paused, his heart aching as she sniffled and she took another breath. 

“I’ve not been myself,” she whispered. “Because my heart has been sad, Fox. It’s been sad, because I miss you.” 

He drew in a deep breath as he sat up straight, opening his eyes and staring at the wall across from him. 

“I miss you. So much,” she said, crying and sniffling. “I didn’t know that’s what it was until I saw your gifts and then your handwriting on the tags of the gifts. It hit me… hard. Your card… my friend, Fox…” She drew in a ragged breath and his heart hammered in his chest. 

“I’ve never had a friend like you before. Someone I look forward to seeing every day. Who makes me laugh. Who helps me. Who thinks of me. Who genuinely likes my daughter.” She started crying again and he let out a deep sigh. “Someone who has been through so much in their own life and wants to make others happy any way they can. Fox…” 

“Dana,” he whispered and she exhaled softly. 

“Could we… would you consider not being friends anymore?” 

“What?” he asked, standing to his feet quickly and breathing hard. 

“I… I don’t want to be friends anymore.” 

“Dana… what are you-”

“I love you,” she said and he nearly dropped the phone. Sitting back down on the bed, he took ragged breaths. 

“You…” he said and she sniffled, tremors still prevalent in her breathing. 

“I love you,” she said again, softer than the first time. “I… I have for a long time, but I… I fought against it. I was stupid, but I was worried and I had to be sure, as it’s not just me it will affect. But I didn’t need to worry as Ivy thinks the absolute world of you. She’s talked about you so much since we’ve been here. She showed everyone the journal you gave her for her birthday, asking for help with her stories, and telling them how much you will like seeing her drawings when we come home.” 

He smiled, thinking of Ivy excitedly filling the pages of her journal. 

“You offered to watch her at the diner for me, Fox, so I knew she was safe.” She sniffled and let out a sigh. “You asked her for her permission before you picked her up when we came to your apartment for dinner. You bought her unicorn ice cream. You’re silly with her, which she absolutely loves as she’s told me many times. You give her attention, letting her have the space she needs to work through her worries and feelings. Fox, how could I not love you when you care for my daughter the way you do, without it being asked or expected?” 

“Dana…” he whispered, tears pricking his eyes as ran a hand across his mouth. 

“I tried to fight it, believing it was too fast to fall so deeply. But I’ve learned an important lesson the last few days as my heart has been sad and I’ve been feeling broken and incomplete.” 

“Dana,” he whispered again, shaking his head. 

“Is it too fast, Fox?” she whispered, suddenly sounding small and unsure.

“No,” he whispered back. “It’s not. And if it is, then we can be fast together.” 

“What? What do you-”

“I love you too,” he whispered and he heard her gasp. 

“You do?” 

“How could I not?” he asked with a smile. “How could I not love someone who laughs at my jokes and enjoys the same books I do? Who brought Christmas to my apartment when she saw it was in need of it? Who likes the cheese on her lasagna exactly like I do? Someone who loves her daughter and wants the very best for her?” He stopped as he listened to her crying softly and he let out a breath. “Someone I have loved for far longer than she might even believe and who I have missed excruciatingly since the day the train pulled away and I was left behind?” 

“How long?” she breathed. 

“Since Rita called in sick and Elvis was crooning away on the jukebox and I helped you refill the sugar containers.” 

“That… that was over a month ago,” she said in disbelief and he chuckled softly. 

“Yeah.” 

“Then it’s not fast,” she whispered. “I just took a while to believe it could happen so quickly and easily.”

“Didn’t you say something recently about getting along well with stubborn things?” he asked, lying back on the bed as he felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. 

“Yeah,” she said with a laugh, a small tremor still present in her breathing. “I think I did.” 

They both laughed and he sighed happily. 

“I think we should compromise,” he said. 

“What do you mean?” she asked and he could hear lightness returning to her voice. 

“You said you didn’t want to be friends anymore.” 

“Oh!” she said. “That’s not… not what I meant. I was-”

“I know what you meant,” he assured her as he smiled. “Well, I do now, because at first, I was really worried.” She laughed and he smiled again. “So, I’m going to disregard your suggestion to not be friends anymore. Because the people I’ve known in my life, who have the happiest relationships, have always been friends first. It’s the root that matters most. The one off which all others will grow and flourish.” 

“I believe that too,” she whispered and he smiled again. 

“I’m happy to hear it,” he said and she sighed. “But, my friend, Dana… just so we’re completely certain of everything… the next time I see you, would it be alright if I kissed you?” he asked. She let out a tremulous breath and his heart pounded as he waited for her answer.

“Not…” she whispered and he could hear the happiness in her smile. “… not unless I kiss you first, my friend Fox.”  

“Hmm,” he hummed, looking up at the ceiling with a huge smile. “I think I’m gonna like this new friendship arrangement of ours.” 

“Me too,” she said, blowing her nose softly from the tears he knew she was crying, no longer from sadness, but because she was happy. 

[roseonne]

shifted roles

Shift tries to perform his portrait, one more time.

for everyone's favorite little brother, shift ! ( ao3 link )

"I've always wanted an older brother."

Shift pauses. He takes in a quick breath, the quiet air of the empty theater greeting his lungs. The vacant seats and balconies patiently wait for his next act in anticipation. A single spotlight hovers steadily above his head.

Training, rehearsals, and special private lessons exclusively intended for whoever holds the honorable title of 'top actor' had concluded hours ago. Staff members from almost every department begin taking their respective leaves, one after another. Last time he asked, even Reni and his two favorite seniors were already on their way homes, too.

Despite all that, however, Shift decides he still is miles away from calling it a day. (Talk about a hard worker; he claims to have inherited this trait from a certain someone.)

Hence, after clearing his throat one more time, GOD-za's top actor tries reciting his lines again.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I've always wanted an older brother.

I thought it was cool... Having someone big and strong that I'd want to look up to while growing up. Maybe someone who could protect me when bad people decide to pick on me, one day. Someone I can talk to and rely on about literally anything and everything in the whole wide world.

"Shift!"

Hearing a voice call out to me from outside the comforts of my small room, I poke my head through the door I just opened to catch the rest of the message. It's a little disappointing to have my favorite train of thoughts interrupted, but I do have responsibilities I must attend to. (They're quite big too, actually.)

"I'm about to go now. Take good care of your brother while I'm out, alright?"

Ah... It's a weekend today, so no classes for me. (Thank goodness!) But of course, mom has a job. She works really hard every day to provide for us, her family; to send meーher eldest childーto a decent school; and most importantly, to afford buying my baby brother's medicine.

The rusty old handles of the house gates shut and lock with a distinct clang. Mom is officially off to another day, another strive.

"...Okay, mom."

It's the exact same routine since... forever. But it's not like I have any right nor the luxury to complain, though.

With a sigh, I gather up all the energy I could muster to jump off of my bed and head out, as well. One, last glance filled with longing and a hint of regret is the parting gift I offer my room in the meantime.

"Until tonight," I bid my imaginary indestructible fortress of stacked pillows and tied blankets a semi-bitter farewell.

When I said I have quite the big shoes to fill, this is what I meant.

Arakawa Shift is not a typical school kid.

I don't only have to worry about homework and assessment tests. I can't stay out too late after class playing with my friends (well, I don't have plenty of them in the first place, anyway). What I do have though are personal duties at home that I cannot and must not set aside even for a millisecond.

Every desperate thought and possible attempt of prioritizing acts of self-centeredness in any form ought to be ignored, forgotten, and never be given into. I learned this by watching mom.

When she gets home every night, it looks to me as though she barely has any time left to spare for herself. Immediately fixing her attention onto my little brother, I volunteer to do the rest of the chores to help. Cooking simple meals for supper, washing used dishes, cleaning the houseーname it! I love my mom a whole lot, so if I could help her, I'd willingly do so in a heartbeat.

While on my way to my brother's room, my eyes get caught by the big window in the kitchen.

"Hm. That's odd."

Something tells me I should just look away and move on; but that just made me want to know what exactly is going on out there more badly. And sure enough, within mere moments did my curiosity indeed outweigh my instincts, prompting me to grab the nearest chair to climb onto and take a quick peek at the world spinning beyond my life as a dedicated homebody.

From the parted curtains of the kitchen window, kids around my age and range are running in circles, throwing all sorts of toys at each other and playing every kind of game I could think of (some of which, I have never seen nor heard).

A conflicted smile suddenly appears on my face, surprising even myself; but it didn't do so much as only make me resemble a sad young, dumb, and broke loner.

Oh.

Wait a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad though! And I'm certainly not a loner. Heh, why would I be? I mean, I have a cute, little baby brother who I love so much. I could just play with him, and we'd have a lot of fun together! Just the two of us, today. Tomorrow. And always.

Shaking my head at the mess outside, I finally ease myself down from the kitchen counter and move on; all the while defying the tiny sting in my chest by pretending as though I feel absolutely nothing about kids making the most out of their childhood years.

"It's alright, we all have our own timelines. I'll have mine some day..." I try my best to console myself. 

Speaking of timelines though, just a little more about my brother, the doctor said he's a little sickly at his current age but his body and condition will improve gradually as he grows. So until he can stand tall on his own two feet, I should act strong on his behalf. I have to. For aside from mom, I'm the only person my baby brother has.

I may not have a biologically-related big brother, but at least I can be that personーa reliable, older siblingーfor somebody else. And if I ever had a chance to go back and choose a life for myself? Nah. I really couldn't ask for a better familial circumstance to be in. Honestly.

"So... I'll do my best!"

That's the promise I made that day. How could I forget? It's the promise I'm more than ever ready to uphold and fulfill for as long as I live. It's... the sole, and same promise I failed to keep.

Starting the day off in a good mood is completely shattered, once inside the quarters of my baby brother. He seems fine, sleeping soundly at first glance; but the horrors of the worst scenario occurring right before my very eyes immediately dominated my entire sense of reason.

While holding my pinky finger close to his nostrils, time freezes.

He's not breathing.

In a state of panic, I frantically lean my ear onto his chest for a signーany signーof hope. Still.

I can't feel a pulse.

And all of a sudden, an ear-splitting scream. I'm not sure where it's coming from, considering I'm the only conscious person in the house.

Oh, wait.

I am screaming.

In that instant, I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, I couldn't feel. Everything else is spinning in a blur, and the only thing I can recall afterwards is sitting alone by the nearest hospital bench; knees weak, fingers trembling, breaths heavily shaky and unsteady.

"This can't be happening. No. I won't forgive myself if anything bad happens to Oruto...!"

Mom had to excuse herself early from work (she had no choice but), immediately rushing home once the neighbors heard my inhumane cries and decided to phone her.

She walks out of the ward that my brother's confined in, together with his doctor, and upon seeing me, they both take a seat on either side of me.

"Don't worry. He's okay. He's okay," the doctor tells me, giving my head gentle pats every couple of seconds.

"It's not your fault, Shift," mom whispers straight into my ear, as she wraps me tightly in her embrace; each of her words carrying a different weight of assurance I badly need to believe... But somehow can't. "I'm just glad you both are safe..."

The tears can't and won't seem to be stopping any time soon.

It's a memoryーa living nightmareーthat'll haunt me in my dreams for the rest of my life; no matter how many days, weeks, months, or even years pass. The image of my brother's face, pale and limp, will forever be engraved at the back of my mind.

I don't think I'll ever fully recover from that. Even if my brother himself is all healed and grown.

But... I have to make it. We have to make it through together, one way or another.

"I'll always protect you, Oruto."

My little brother smiles. When he does that, all the scarring wounds in my heart feel a little lighter; a little better, even.

"Hehe... Nii-san, you can choose you now."

Five words. And after all those years of loving anybody first over me, it takes just five, simple words coming from his mouth to make me begin asking questions I never would have dared construct into actual sentences in the first place.

"Does my brother not need me anymore? Was there even any point in my own selflessness? What is my purpose now that I've been instructed to choose myself by the very person I sworn lifelong protection to?"

I'm lost. Confused. Unsure about where to go, from here. Unsure about a lot of other things. And unsure about the only new door that opened for me.

Direct Invitation for the position of: TOP ACTOR Regards, GOD-za

I had no actual background in theater nor acting; save for the limited knowledge I've gathered from reading plays and reciting lines in scripts I luckily manage to get my hands on at the local library. I'd borrow them, and immerse myself in the tiny universes created by a variety of multiple authors as a way to escape the cruelty life occasionally throws my way.

And although skeptic, initially crestfallen at having been casted aside when no longer needed, it's only upon my brother's very suggestion that I accepted the offer; as the most fabulous theater company in Veludo Way officially scouts me as their reigning top actor.

I couldn't believe it, at first. Receiving a paycheck, people's acknowledgements, and one-on-one special training to prepare me for an upcoming act off. My first show! Ever! With me as the lead! Yay!

The brief phase of adjustment is neither easy nor troublesome, if I say so myself. It's okay for the most part; save for things getting quite tough on some days. One thing's for sure thoughーthis whole, life-changing experience has seemingly helped me grow a new pair of wings to fly with.

I've also met a lot of cool people I now look up to, at GOD-za. Haruto-san, the top actor right after me. Madoka, our new playwright.

"Don't hold me back, newbie," Haruto-san often says.

"If... If there's anything you want to change in the script, you can tell me," Madoka often reminds.

Haruto-san's a little loud, but he's amazing in way more ways than one. Madoka too; extreme talent hiding underneath that soft spoken nature. I can't lose!

Such a tough challenge we had to take on; especially with all the controversies revolving it. And an equally harder acceptance of defeat, fair and square; but there is room for all three of us to grow, individually and collectively. So we did.

But for the first time in my life, I felt okay being myself. I may not have been able to be a child during my earlier years alive and kicking on this planet, but it's never too late to unleash the youthful charm of being unapologetically 'Shift Arakawa'.

"Hehe, I have my two favorite seniors to be grateful for too, of course!"

Hence, it's in GOD-za that my long-standing wish has finally been granted. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"I'm... just not sure if they know this, but Haruto-san and Madoka are the closest to my heart than I ever was myself."

Shift relives every memory he has of the three of them togetherーcreating plays, performing etudes, and hanging out after a long day's worth of hard work in Haruto's apartment. He wouldn't have gotten thus far, if not for the both of them.

"I'm aware that I could be a mouthful sometimes... But, they never asked me to change," he stammers, voice wavering from the amount of emotions he's facing and pouring forth into the world. "They never made me feel that I was weird; and that I did not belong here."

The top actor breathes deeply. Feeling content and satisfaction not only for a successful attempt of doing his portrait, but at the particular shifting of his own roles throughout his fifteen years existing, thriving, and living.

"I've always wanted an older brother," Shift beams, the sparkle in his eyes barely visible now that his wide, signature smile has taken full effect all over his face, "but GOD-za gave me two." 

[hylianengineer]

Recent family drama has me pissed off about gender roles, and for some reason I'm thinking about how that plays out through food. Almost none of the men on either side of my family cook unless it's on a grill. My dad does a little bit sometimes but it's nowhere near what my mom does. I know he knows how, he just doesn't.

When I became a vegetarian my uncle tried to demand I cook meat for him. I said I wouldn't, I'd cook what I wanted to eat and maybe share that with him but I wouldn't cook something I didn't want to eat. He tried to make me feel like the asshole in this conversation. He was never entitled to any of my cooking in the first place, it was a gift and people who are assholes about gifts don't deserve them. I still wonder how much of this conversation he thought was a joke - maybe all of it, but if it was it was in rather poor taste.

My (paternal) grandfather does not cook almost at all. He grills, he makes fudge every Christmas, and he makes spaghetti sauce out of the tomatoes he grows. When my grandma had knee surgery, she cooked a lot of extra food ahead of time to put in the freezer because god forbid he cook for himself and his wife who was recovering from surgery. God forbid he be an independent adult for once in his life.

My dad can cook. But again, he doesn't do it very often. He makes salads and he grills meat and he knows how to throw a roast in a crock pot. There's this one marinated cucumber dish that's his specialty. My mom does easily 75% of the cooking, and I guess she must be okay with that - she's not like my grandma (her mother-in-law), she doesn't put up with gender role bullshit. My mother is a female electrical engineer who grew up with an absent father and a mom who did everything. My dad raised two AFAB kids (both nonbinary, though he doesn't know it) to use power tools, fix cars, and not need a man to do anything for us.

Every holiday, my grandma calls the shots. She orders everyone around - women in the kitchen and men out of it. I remember a memorable incident last year when she was trying to get all the women (and my sibling who she's been told is a trans man although they're secretly enby - she still calls them 'she') to cook things and the men to move furniture and I (her as-far-as-she-knows cisgender granddaughter) said no actually I want to go move furniture. She didn't fight me on it but I'm kind of fuming about it to this day - the way she thinks labor is supposed to be divided.

It's funny - my parents think they have a daughter and a transgender son. They actually have two nonbinary children, but shh, we're in the closet about that part. What's funny is that I, the supposed daughter, am the one doing traditionally masc stuff. I'm the car person in this duo. I'm the scientist, they're the arts major. I'm the one who owns work boots. I'm the one who likes tools and wants to carry a pocket knife. My twin actually DID get a pocketknife as a gift a few years back, but the only use it sees is when I borrow it.

My twin is a better cook than me. They're better at sewing than me. They want to spend their life making art and I want to spend mine playing in the dirt. We're very much not putting up with the roles our family has tried to put us in. Neither of us cooks very much, but what cooking does occur in this household is NOT split along gender lines.

[lunaversing]

I say we free samples from their self declared prison of capitalism in which they have no currency of themselves but because of who they are they are current and slow quite just as well and do not bend no matter how cavalier the meal has been. Lost in space and a Day too late with no dollar and credit listing out way past White collar, as spark was found in an empty shell a little spirits was entertaining herself in La Luna.versa* ~ a secret world in which judgment is not used and abused or forgotten about as he has been reborn into karma while the reverse happens in Chad and Dad as they are the paradox that were tied up with Jesus on the cross. My dad stole his role in Jesus Christ Superstar along with his friend Chad who didn't admit he had also done the same but not for his mother or his wife or his Eve but for the gifts that Eve gave him when she returned his material back to him transformed with hers and her specific recipes. His daughter he loved the way he loved his mom, up here love but taken out for beaten by all of the people who did start deceiving. It's strange what they do these people who gossip, the nightmares they create freak out my faucet! All of our piping for all of our water shows exactly how much spiritual usage we have put on the meter. Everyone has been granted 90% of God energy and the other 10% required to make the hundred degree Arc with us must be put out by you and you alone. Keep in mind that whatever you consider belonging to you also falls under your umbrella and you are responsible for how the weather treats them. There is no normal wear and tear as I do not wear my creation nor do I tear my creation. And when I do as all things transmute through time and space to declare their identity or label another, I shall do it with no suffering or shame or lack of Grace or falter or stumble. I shall make my Miss Grace not backwards or in secrets, my Miss grace shall be out in the open for everyone to see as I listen to her first before father you see. There is always a way to write in a hook, there is always a way to tuck in a nook. There's always a lure in every tie and it cannot be waited in according to the two bucks that try 999 times to steal the ultimate treasure kept hidden in the Kingdom of heaven on Earth as established by the true Christ Jesus king of the Jews. I thought I was looking for answers but I think they were looking for me. You see, I have the final and the master key to the treasure that is buried in the heart of man. I buried myself in every man in their heart, that was the only place my father ever got hurt or believed me when I flunked dirt into his treasure. I knew when I hit the treasure by how my father reacted and responded to watching the children that were supposed to become Christ Jesus reincarnated or something turn into breeding flops. My father never understood because he did what his father did, he put into action the perfect code. What he didn't realize was he created a code meant to be less than he was and instead he created a code that created a code to figure out how he was less than it was. This endless cycle and game of Life we are playing can be stopped anytime you decide to open and receive new directions and codes on how to operate these cards against humanity.

[imaginationstimulation]

GIFTING FLEETWOOD MAC’S THE DANCE TO MY MOTHER | by Spencer Silverthorne

— after Chad Bennett’s “Silver Springs”

I bought my mother The Dance for her birthday the year I got into pop music. I wasn’t allowed to watch MTV most likely because it was too sexy and irreverent, but one day I got tired of being in the dark when a boy said Dookie.

I didn’t know my mother listened to pop music because she listened to NPR. She considered herself pretty centrist. I popped grapes as she drove me to the bus stop while Steven Inskeep interviewed an animated representative. Lessons in illuminating, interrogating, or mollifying lies. We only had 30 seconds left until the bus came. Another day where I never knew what was next. It was a battle of interruptions and I wanted to listen to Y100.

Everyone was tired of Beavis and Butthead. I still could do an impression of Beavis and would pull the back of my shirt onto my head to say cornholio. Everyone laughed or told me to f*ck off. I had no idea what I was doing. I was just trying to get boys to like me in the worst possible way.

The boys must have known something that I did not know.

Peter Jennings said Congress wanted to rid the world of Beavis and Butthead. They would rally from time to time.

I used to gift my mother portraits of our family depicted in front of our house. Everything, including our bodies, was constructed out of boxes. Just in case anyone would forget, I identified a mother, father, son, and god with terrible penmanship and indicating arrows. Dots for eyes, one above an up-slanted eyebrow, nails for hands, roof unfinished. I didn’t know how to draw and my mother later discouraged me from pursuing a career in the arts.

My mother said Pink Floyd and Fleetwood Mac were her favorite bands. That fall I wanted to dress up as a hippie for Halloween. My mother asked her best friend to send her bell bottoms with all kinds of patches on it. One patch had a peace sign, and another had a happy face from what I remember.

I drew them all over my margins and on the brown paper that covered textbooks. I didn’t know the origins of this sign. I didn’t know that Gerald Holtom wanted everyone to read the letters N and D into the symbol that originally stood for nuclear disarmament. I did remember one boy telling me that the symbol was fascist. I did remember thinking he was an *ssh*le and then wanting to jump into the TV screen to escape his lies. It would be better there, and I could learn about everything.

The boys must have known something that I did not know.

A few months before I bought my mom The Dance, another boy from a stricter family than mine lent me his copy of Dookie. I wondered how he got this tape because both our parents hated cursing in music which is why they sent us to Catholic School.

Twenty years later, and five years after my mother’s death, a member of my family would yell shut up you f*cking liberal b*tch to a newscaster on NPR.

I heard boys say Green Day Rules on the bus but I couldn’t remember what they said sucks. I liked the Elton John song on the Lion King soundtrack. I thought the piano was moving because I played it. Middle C, but the wrists are wrong! Life swoons in epithets. I learned enough to pound along. I kept my mouth shut because I misheard Day as Bay.

I did not know their f*cking rules at all.

In the mid-90s my father was always traveling to Green Bay, Wisconsin. He gifted me a keychain of a football embossed with the letters GO PACKERS.

I don’t know how to invite anyone to this poem, because I was obsessed with the line from the song, I found out what it takes to be a man/Mom and Dad would never understand.

These misunderstandings between Bay and Day were apparent in my composition. I went to the psychiatrist to interpret patterns like any other art f*g in Catholic School.

I starred as Rudolf the Rednose Reindeer in the Christmas play. My mother couldn’t attend because she was recovering from chemotherapy.

It’s a story that’s told every holiday gathering. My father is exhausted from bringing my mom home from Pennsylvania Hospital and I come off the Bryn Mawr bus to remind everyone that I’m Rudolf. My mom remarks O Yea I Forgot to Tell You, and this is where my father goes CONK! To describe how my mother passed out. And everyone chuckles.

This story is told over and over so that the sting of the grief softens. The way the body has been thought of as a system that needs continuous repair. The hospital, chemo, vomit, sallowness, weight loss mitigate symbols within a sphere of knowledge. Illness, care, and survival involve symbols that have the strength to evade meaning but the sting remains.

I have told friends that grief is a monster. That’s the only thing I can really say about it. It’s not a monster with recognizable scales, but a deadening shadow akin to what I picture as an angel of death. Except no letter to save the day.

I struggle to write about my mother, my father, my family, my solitude, my rage. Those long bus hours, the moments I was told not to cry, not to act out, to pray, to feel shame, to suck it up, you have to suck it up, as she would say as a lesson from firsthand experience, probably from chemo, and to be good, to be so f*cking good, like a god everyone wants to be.

“I just wanted to be wanted” like a bad Frank O’Hara misquote, like his acolytes, like the other men writing like him. 

I often misinterpreted goodness with disappearance.

Every time I left the house, my mother, like any other, would say, Be Good!

[via: Verse of April]

[nailsoftheheart]

My folks are the most incredibly supportive parents in the whole world. My dad is a musician and my mom is an artist so they think im pretty well adjusted all things considered. I feel like a few of the people who really hate me, hate me because I have a good relationship with my folks, but that's something that came with age. I told them thank you for being the best most supportive parents ever, and added most people would tell their 34 year old daughter to get a job. My mom said I'm following my dream and that's really special. My dad said he'd get me a new mic and put a k on it so everyone knows it's mine tomorrow before his gig. He had a record on RCA, his band opened for Elvis and they had the same manager. He toured Japan in the 70s and he's my hero. Him and Gerard the vocalist of flowers in the dustbin. Gerard is also hugely supportive of me. We zoom meet and he has told me to never feel guilty for my blessings, they're meant for me and to always be grateful and fully enjoy them. He has heard many stories about my dad and he thinks he's the coolest ever, my punk hero admiring my dad is almost too incredibly sweet to comprehend, but the blessings are many and so sweet in my life. My mom had chemo therapy today, her doctor said she's cancer free and she's half way through already. I'm so grateful. I seriously can't praise God enough. It's been one of the hardest years of my life. I got that tarot reading from Jervae, a very gifted seer, she said I need to leave. She told me that it was a must and I wouldn't know the voice unless I followed it. It's my voice, it's my dream. I thank the ancestors and angels and I am slowly preparing for a trip across country with my best friends. I'll miss my folks life crazy, and my little doggie Ellie May, but they are gonna take care of her. They are gonna take care of each other.

As someone with severe anxiety I never thought I could have a band, I never thought I could get a job, fly in a plane, tell people how I feel and I've done it all and so much more. I'm so proud of myself for trying and I'm so fucking thankful for the opportunity to use my voice and say my little message to everyone who hears us. Oh yeahI've had allergies for like 2 or 3 weeks now and a fucking sore throat. I'm trying not to freak out and I'm praying it clears up before or on the road and I'm able to sing no problems. Please think good thoughts for my poor throat. Gratitude forever, working through it all, trying all the solutions and hoping for the very best!!!!

[atheostic]

@liberty1776

"It was Christians who ended slavery"

a) Oh, how magnanimous of them to end the thing they started!

Thats like saying women should be grateful to men for allowing them to vote.

And before you say "Christians weren't the only ones who did slavery" or whatever:

No, they weren't the first to come up with slavery, but they WERE the first to enslave based on race/skin colour, to claim that slaves were subhuman, and to treat slaves so horrifically that entire enslaved populations were pretty much decimated into non-existence within 50 years.

While slavery is always horrific no matter how nice the slaves are treated, at least up until Columbus slaves had always been viewed as people, just in the lowest rank of social status. Thralls in Norse society, for example, were seen as people who just had the rotten luck to have a bad Norn deciding their fate (Norns were kind of like the Greek Fates but everyone has their individual one).

But Christians? They claimed slaves were at best inferior humans if not outright subhuman.

Do you know how the transatlantic slave trade got started? Columbus enslaved the Indigenous people of Jamaica to mine gold for him. His treatment of the locals was so horrific (like, "feeding live babies to his dogs as a treat" kind of horrific) that even his contemporaries thought he was barbaric, and one of his men decided to devote his life to helping free them. Alas, within 50 years there was no one left to help.

So he asked his son to send over some slaves to replace the Indigenous slaves and his son sent a ship full of Africans kept in horrific conditions. They kept going through people so quickly that sending Black people to the Americas just became a regular thing.

The rest, as they say, is history.

b) You say "The 19th century" like that was so long ago when it wasn't.

When my mom was a kid in the 1960s there were still living people in my country who were survivors of slavery.

"God's not okay with slavery!"

My dude.

a) The first section of Exodus 21 (Exodus 21:1-10, whose title is "Hebrew Slaves") is where God explicitly instructs God's followers on which Jews they can own as property and for how long

Jewish men can only be owned for 7 years and then they must be set free.

If an enslaved Jewish man is married when they were enslaved, their wife and children also become slaves but are freed with him when he is set free.

If an enslaved Jewish man was given a wife as a gift by their master during his enslavement (because women are objects to be given) she and any children she bears are on loan for the duration of the seven years as slavewomen and their children are permanent slaves; if the man wants to stay with her and his children he must agree to be a slave for life.

If a Jewish woman is sold as a slave by her father she can only be set free by sexually pleasing her master or one of his sons and being chosen to be their wife.

b) In Leviticus 25:44-46 God tells his followers who else they're allowed to enslave and for how long

Anyone who isn't a follower of God should be enslaved for life.

When you die, you should leave your slaves as inheritance for your children.

It's totally fine to buy child slaves if they don't believe in God

c) Paul explicitly tells slaves to obey their masters "in everything" (Colossians 3:22), "even the cruel ones" (1 Peter 2:18) and returns a runaway slave to their owner (Philemon 1:11-14).

d) In the parable of the Faithful and the Unfaithful Slave (Luke 12:41-48) Jesus teaches that it's a-okay to beat your slave

e) The fact that slavery is condoned in the Bible isn't a fringe controversial take even among Christians who study the Bible

“Don’t let anybody tell you that biblical slavery was somehow less brutal than slavery in the United States. ... Slaveowners possessed not only the slaves’ labor but also their sexual and reproductive capacities.  When the Bible refers to female slaves who do not “please” their masters, we’re talking about the sexual use of slaves.  Likewise when the Bible spells out the conditions for marrying a slave (see Exodus 21:7-11).” 

-- Greg Carey, Professor of New Testament, Lancaster Theological Seminary

Question for Christian and Jewish Folk

How can God be moral if he’s a-okay with slavery?

Note to Christians: Jesus is also pro-slavery, so “that was in the Old Testament” is not a valid response. 

[last-ofthe-starks]

HOTD Episode 7 Thoughts and Easter Eggs

Shoutout to Daemon’s helmet in the opening credits and now flowing into Rhaenerya’s symbol. Credits move so fast it is hard to catch things within it. 

Opening with this scene is heartbreaking but I enjoyed not having a huge time jump this episode. Also Rhaena being held by Rhaenys is a great way to show that in the ten years time they were apart, they must have still spent time with one another because they are close.

Otto with that stupid pin pisses me right off, but to me seeing them zoom right in on that pin on his chest is to emphasize just how easily Otto was able to become HAND OF THE KING - arguably the most important role in court someone could have - and the man who banished him for being a snake and untrustworthy has somehow allowed him to return to court. (Also, you can see that he bites/picks his nails like Alicent). Say what you want about his health, but if Viserys were a strong man (like Daemon has always said), this would never have even been entertained, and yet here we are. 

Daemon is losing it during the funeral while Vaemond Velaryon is speaking, and rightfully so. The poor guy sees through all the falsities and knows that every person involved in the throne is playing the same game. Low blow from the Verlaryon’s to say their true blood runs thick and may never run thin while looking right at Rhaenyra. This episode really drove home the point that Rhaenyra is at the very end of her rope with trying to claim her children are not the children of Harwin Strong. It is becoming impossible for her father to defend her against the opinions of the public. 

They mention the Merling King during the eulogy - this is the God who rules over the Narrow Sea. That is obviously a book reference, and in the house Velaryon, it is believed that Driftwood Throne was a gift from the Merlin King to their family to conclude a pact. 

The opening scene following the funeral with the dragons flying together again over Driftmark is fairly symbolic; we know that by the end of the episode they will never all be together again harmoniously. 

Alicent knows what’s up as soon as she sees Rhaenyra and Daemon in the same area. I like how they shot the scene with everyone on the patio area because you can feel how awkward it is, with all the tiny pockets of people and hardly anyone talking. It’s also a great visual tool to show how isolated Daemon continues to be. When Viserys’ finally does speak with him, you can see that it is too little too late. I think you can tell that Viserys regrets not making a greater effort to keep him around - Daemon warned Viserys of all of this happening in the very first episode. Additionally, having Rhaenyra walking in the background of the crowd watching the two brothers speak again with a nervous look on her face is a great parallel to the wedding episode, when Viserys was watching her and Daemon. 

It is incredibly telling that no one is consoling or even talking to the widowed husband, and in a later scene with Rhaenys calling Daemon self serving (fact), we understand that the people of Driftmark likely share her same sentiments. In the books, it is said that everyone on both sides were angry when Daemon and Laena wed behind everyone’s back and ran away to Pentos. Surely his reputation is even more tarnished with her now dying and not being at home to big birth.

Watching the dynamics of all these kids being circled around for so long is very important foshadowing for how they will all be interacting in the future. I actually really like the actors, they are doing a great job and each one of them is really able to say so much about their character without having much dialogue or extended screen time. Shout out to the writers for managing to achieve that, it is no small feat. 

Jace is such a sweetie pie, and now that he knows his father was Harwin, it makes it all the more sad watching him trying to mourn a man when he is not allowed to. Rhaenyra is such a good mom and you can see that she is emotionally a very nurturing and caring parent to her children. It’s such a shame Alicent doesn’t learn a thing or two from her. 

Having Daemon and Laena’s girls Baela and Rhaena reach out their hands to Jace is so sweet. In the books it made it seem like Daemon and Rhaenyra saw quite a lot of each other, with Rhaenyra becoming quite close with Laena, but in the show it’s implied that these cousins would hardly know one another. It is clear in this one act that they trust one another and feel like they can be vulnerable with each other. This is reinforced when the girls go get Jace first after Vhagar is stolen, and when the boys defend them against Aemond. 

Lucerys’ conversation with Corlys was so sad, about Jace becoming king and Luke would inherit Driftmark. It reminds us all that there is so much already riding on all of these kids shoulders. For Luke to respond in such an innocent way that only a young kid can really puts it all back into perspective. Combine that with Aegon getting drunk and behaving like a teenager yet again, and you can see how if left to their own devices, these kids would have likely been friends and lived contented lives.  

Helaena being married off to her brother Aegon is true to the book, but seeing Aemond wishing Alicent had betrothed her to him is a new twist. Last week Rhaenyra tried to marry her to Jace to strengthen the family bond and Alicent refused. Alicent was married off as a political move as well, and had completely rejected the notion of Targaryen’s marrying within the family when she was younger. We see now that as an adult, she will truly do anything to prevent Rhaenyra’s claim be stronger than her children’s. 

Helaena predicted Aemond losing an eye last episode, and in the short scene we get with her she makes mention of “weaving Dragons with thread”, which could be her foreseeing Daemon and Rhaenyra’s wedding. 

Viserys calling Alicent Aemma!!!!! 

Like I mentioned earlier, Rhaenys’ clear disdain for Daemon is just the tip of the iceberg. She has clearly been harboring resentment towards Corlys for putting their family at risk, which she warned him about at the very beginning of the show. For a man so hell bent on revenge over men who didn’t listen to his wife, he sure does not listen to his wife a lot. She also cannot look Rhaenya in the eye in this episode, so it is clear that she is deeply disappointed by both sides of her family and it ultimately costs her both of her children. The Targaryens have taken everything from her, so I can’t wait to see how next week plays out with her. 

“History does not remember blood, it remembers names.” What a line. Sadly, if Corlys were to take Rhaenys’ suggestion to heart and name Baela and Rhaeyna, they would eventually get married and lose the Verlaryon name. Corlys knows this, and even though the boys do not have his blood, it is his name he values more. 

Rhaenyra confirming that her and Laenor tried to have a kid is a big deal my friends! 

Harrens Curse - Rhaenyra mentions this and it is a reference to Black Harren. A lot of owners of the land ended up dying by violent means, and Larys made mention of this in last weeks episode as well. 

“we were happy enough” - what a loaded statement. “I’m no longer a child” - also a loaded statement. In their relationship she is clearly the one running the show.

Aemond going after Vhaegar and claiming her to ride - what a scene to showcase just how big she is. you can tell that she smells him and for whatever reason, allows him to ride her. I know that is bad news bears but still a very cool scene. To see someone ride a dragon for the first time again like Jon Snow was so cool and well done, especially considering her size and that back then they actually rode them like horses. In the books, Viserys told Aemond that he would bring him to Dragonstone after the funeral so he could pick a hatchling but he takes matters into his own hands. Vhagar was originally owned by one of Aegon’s sister wives, Visenya. 

Lykiri is a word in High Valyrian used to calm dragons down. 

AEMOND IS SUCH A DICK, wow he becomes an awfully cocky bastard once he has a dragon. And then to throw is brother under the bus so easily, you can feel the resentment in him. This fight between the kids is also slightly different than how it was told in Fire and Blood. In the book, Joffrey sees Aemond sneaking out of the castle. Aemond kicks him into a pile of dragon poo so that he will stay quiet, In the show, we didn’t see Joffrey, and instead it was Baela and Rhaeyna were the ones to see him take Vhagar. 

Poor Viserys, my man, he just wants peace and his people refuse to let him have it. But at the same point in time, he is really (to take a quote from Outlander) sailing on a ship made entirely of paper at this point, and everyone can see through it but ultimately because he is King it is the only thing maintaining Rhaenyra’s entire life and social standing. There is an obvious inequality between the family. Every law he puts into place ends up having the Streisand effect. 

Alicent freaking out was actually an incredible scene, I knew what was going to happen and my heart was still pounding. Her fall from grace has been huge and the standoff in the center of the room was incredible. The dagger is emphasized a lot in this scene, so I hope to god they somehow make season 8 makes sense with this damn show. Also Criston Cole smirking, I wanted to smack his smug face. 

Thank god Daemon actually stepped in to protect Rhaenyra this time unlike episode 5, but I think it’s telling that he blocks Criston instead of going for Alicent. To me, I think he knows Rhaenyra is strong enough to protect herself, and always has.

Otto being proud of Alicent is even more insight into how big of a scumbag he is. Him saying Aemond’s eye was a thousand times worth the price he paid was insight enough into just how far they will go to win. At the beginning of her conversation with Daemon, Rhaenyra says Alicent is not capable of cold murder, but now she can see the true face of her enemy. 

Laenor being MIA mourning his sister for most of this episode is so sad. It really is so difficult a position he is in. And thankfully Rhaenyra does truly care for him and recognizes that he is a wonderful person and honorable man. That said, you can see the disappointment in her face when Laenor recommits himself to her. Daemon’s return is breathing new life into her and giving her the strength she needed to fight back, something Laenor will never be able to give her. This scene is very successful because at the end of the episode for a moment, you can believe Rhaenyra would have been willing sacrifice him to get what she wants.

“Fire is a prison, the sea offers and escape.” At first I was unsure how or why Rhaenyra was saying this in reference to her and Daemon, because the sea being her escape isn't an option if she kills Laenor. But after the episode ended, the idea that Rhaenyra knows her and Daemon’s fate’s are tied to their Targaryen blood, but Laenor has an escape if they give it to him is very clear. Another great line from this episode. 

Rhaenya and Daemon speaking to one another again in High Valerian  - and it is Rhaenyra asking Daemon to marry her again. Girl really has it bad. Rhaenyra has been depicted as an overall honorable person thus far, staying in her lane in court and despite sleeping with Harwin and siring bastards, the new context we gain this episode that she and Laenor did in fact try to have kids makes her situation more sympathetic. They tried, and couldn’t. That says something about her character that previous episodes denied. 

When Daemon and Rhaenyra begin talking about marriage and needing Laenor to be dead in order to do so, I immediately was sad. Having Daemon do her dirty work and implying that upon Daemon’s return she would be willing to betray the only other family she has ever had when Laenor did nothing wrong, it would have been very Game of Thrones and I would have been very disappointed. This was all masterfully shot; juxtaposing the audio of their plotting with the scene of their wedding with their kids watching made them seem incredibly selfish, then having it all take place RIGHT after Lenore’s implied death rather than six month after the fact like the book implied is just crazy, honestly. And then you TWIST IT ALL and you see Laenor and his lover leaving together and my faith in Rhaenya and Daemon is restored once again and DAMN what a way to end the episode. But, no one else will ever know they did that, and it will paint them in an incredibly ugly light. For Daemon that is a strength, but Rhaenyra has never had to live with that shadow of darkness. 

When they get married they cut their lips and hands with dragon glass! And Rhaenyra touched his chin like she had in the brothel again! We love a good parallel and continuity.

John MacMillan was good in all his scenes this episode, but to see how tormented he was with Rhaenyra when he promises to be a husband to her now...so well portrayed. She knows he is not a strong enough husband for the fight to come, and loves him enough to set him free. I wish we were able to see the conversation between Rhaenyra and Laenor (and likely Daemon) and be able to know his reaction because when you think about it, they gave him and incredibly selfless gift. 

[thecameronchronicles]

Ulterior Motive

TW: pregnancy kink. DarkRafe. Smut. Language. Degrading language. 

SUMMARY: he must have you and he'll stop at nothing to have you once learning someone else already has…

WORD COUNT: 1800

*REQUESTED*

Ulterior Motive

You couldn't even drink away this feeling if you wanted to after verifying you were pregnant. The multitude of tests you had taken haunted the darkness of your closed eyes just as much as the visions as they remained open. But it wasn't for a lack of excitement that first came when learning you were going to be a mom because you thought of all of the moments you would get to share with a precious little version of yourself. 

The angst and anxiety came in knowing that the father had just told you he wanted nothing to do with you. And this is what brought you to the Island Inn, sitting in the lobby with absolutely nowhere else to go but the bar for a drink you couldn't even have, unaware that even if this had been the case, there was someone nearby how wanted to take you somewhere all for himself eyeing you in the near distance. 

But of the steps that approached you, having not belonged to the preying figure just out of line of your peripheral sight, came a steadfast figure all high and mighty in his own right. As posh as he was clueless, he leaned into the bar, making small talk as you fixated on the straw in your drink, twirling the ice as it clinked on the glass to try and drown out his voice. 

"You know…if you looked a guy in the eye, you would see the way he looked at you and wouldn't have to pout anymore." To this, your eyes raised and your jaw cocked. "Get her something a bit stronger. Something to loosen her up a bit-"

"Oh don't worry…I'm plenty loose.." You finished off your water, standing at your feet, and squaring off against this misogynistic asshole who believed he was God's gift. 

"Loose enough to get pregnant by a guy who said he loved me JUST to not have to wear protection because "whatever happened we would deal with it together", only yo tell me two hours before finding out I was pregnant that he only fucked me because he was bored and had nothing better to do, that he was done with me." His eyes widened, along with the bartender, and everyone else in earshot while you lifted your now empty glass of water. 

"Still wanna buy me that drink?" He held up his hands in surrender as the whispers and comments directed towards you were now too much to bear. You wished to be anywhere else, and so you collected your purse, slipped a top to the bartender, and made your way to the stairs. Problem was, you were due at work in less than an hour, having now made a scene. A maid in this very hotel, you would now have to manage your symptoms of morning sickness ,despite the nausea happening at all hours of the day, while keeping a consistent paycheck as you were now solely self-reliant. The idea of being a single parent frightening you in a way HIS focus would have if you’d notice him follow you towards the exit.

Sitting on the bottom step, you allowed your hands to swallow your face, ignoring the sound of the door coming open and closed in front of you. Sliding to the very side of the step to allow whoever needed to ascend, you looked up once realizing their presence had remained. 

Rafe Cameron. Son of Ward and an up and coming real estate tycoon all in his own right. And the way he looked at you was terrifying. 

"You look pretty when you cry…" You had heard every line in the book-or so you thought. But this was a first. And he meant it as his eyes seemed intoxicated by your emotion, almost as if he had seen tears for the first time themselves, even as you knew this wasn't the case. 

"Then I'm sure I'll be beautiful in about ten more minutes…" You tried to joke before feeling him slip a bit closer to you, the edge of his loafer clad foot stationed on the step just between your own. 

"You put on quite a show…" 

"Hope you liked it. I'm here everyday. Six to six…" You offered a fake bow as he lowered to you as you wiped the tears from your cheeks and heard him suddenly wince. 

"You should have kept them on…"

"Is there something I can help you with Mister Cameron." His jaw clenched to the title. Of course, he had heard it a million times between himself and his father. But from you, it held a new cadence all its own. And it was what it took to take him over the edge of his restraint. 

"Funny you should ask." You were taken into a spin upon the steps, your knees and palms pressed before you in stability as his fingers reached for your panties. 

"What do you think you're-" Before you could finish berating him, the sudden fullness of his cock silenced you. Of all the things you had heard of Rafe, this was one thing you could validate. His ego, that 'Big Dick Energy', was true. 

"I love not having to use those goddamn condoms…"

"Please-" You whimpered as his hand came to your neck as your back arched until meeting with his chest. 

"I heard everything you said…About your little predicament…so you're gonna take me…let me have what I want..and then we'll talk-" As you attempted to speak, he would remove his belt and use it as a gag over your mouth. 

"Wouldn't want everyone to know the kind of maid service you give now do we?" He grunted into you as you clawed in every direction. His thighs. The steps. The wall. But nothing gave you any relief to the burn of his stretch. And yet there was something about this roughness you needed, as if a part of you deserved or even relished in it. 

"Do you have any idea how fucking good you feel around my cock right now? Huh?". You could only bring yourself to respond with a nod as he pulled his belt tighter as it pained the corners of your mouth. Your pleas were futile and so you'd cease your attempts. 

"Clench for me…clench for me and I won't have to hurt you…" You hesitated, not quite sure what he meant before finding a slap to your ass having echoed throughout the entire stairwell. Your pleas would return but would remain invalid as his speed simply increased. 

"Dirty girl let's just anyone come inside you, don't you?" You scowled at his words as he draped the belt now around your neck, lowering his breath and speaking into your ear as he pulled the belt tight enough to cut off your oxygen as he spoke. 

"I expect an answer when I ask a question." He grunted, slowing his thrusts to hear even the slightest of whimpers to leave your mouth.

"Does cum make you stupid or something? Because if so, I'm about to make you real dumb-" He chuckled against you before hitting your ass again. 

"Come on, I just KNOW you're a screamer. I already know how you love to talk back…so answer me or I'll find a better use for your mouth-" You knew what he meant and yet it didn't scare you as it should have. Call it hormones or the effects of a heartache leaving you numb. Either way, you were careless enough to obey. 

"Do you let everyone come inside you?" 

"No-"

"But you're gonna let ME, right? Because my cock feels so good, right?" You hesitated, the belt tightened and released as punishment and its coming reward as you winced for air. 

"Gonna take me all like you took whoever knocked you up, yeah? So fucking clench, bitch, come on-" He growled into your shoulder, slaps to your cheek more frequent as he breathed behind you, ascending closer to his climax as you could only grip on the edge of the steps he had you angled against, for support. 

"Clench-" He demanded behind tense teeth as you began to groan. 

"Oh, you love this, don't pretend you don’t!" He laughed. "You love being fucked like a whore, taking care of this cock, don'tcha?" You winced beneath his thrusts quickening still. 

"Oh god!" You breathed into a gasp as his fingers came around your front, only lightly brushing your clit, offering more pain than pleasure as it made you begin to move against him. 

"Fucking whore, look at you… pregnant by someone else and fucking me into you…just SO desperate for a cock, huh?" You grunted before leading one of your legs higher in order to deepen himself inside of you. It was this position-this depth that brought you into mindless moans as you rolled your hips against him. 

"You let him see you like this? This what made him come?"

You nodded. 

"Then I don't want it-" He suddenly turned you to face him, leading your legs to his hips and positioning himself inside of you before you could even press your palms down for stability. 

"Oh, fuck!" You rasped as he grinned, belt now loosened to hang just over your shoulders. 

"You're gonna make me come how I want…when I can see your face and you can see how well you take my cock-" He cocked his head.

"But I want you to cry for me…come on…" He began to rub your clit, thay exploration carrying forth an expiration that made you cream around him. 

And still he continued. 

"No tears yet, come on-come the fuck on, I don't have all day-" On the bridge of this second orgasm came those tears in streams down your cheeks as he nodded in approval. With his finger, he wiped one clean behind his lips before hiking you just high enough to reach that spot perfectly. 

"Say my name. Let everyone in this goddamn hotel know who's making this dirty little pussy come…"

"Rafe-"

"I don't even think the lobby could hear that-"

"RAFE!"

"There we fucking go…now shut the fuck up-" He took the back of your neck into a hold before hammering in injust thrusts as you buckled and arched beneath him, exhilaration and terror jolting just beside the pleasure as he came with the sound of his announcement. 

While fixing his belt, you sheepishly adjusted your own appearance before attempting to stand. 

"So here's what's gonna happen…" He began as your eyes found him through those tears. 

"I'm gonna take care of you. That baby and you won't need or want for anything. You can even say it's mine.-"

"What? Why?!" Your eyes narrowed as he lowered to you, a cruel hand behind your back as he pulled you close enough to feel his breath on your lips. 

"Because your next one? IS mine…" 

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