#his hoes basically
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dumbblondesposts · 5 months ago
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moeblob · 9 months ago
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Karen: LMAO every guy I meet reminds me of my big brothers that's so funny except if Paul is already my brother and you're also a brother that's a bit awkward, huh Hot bartender: THATS MOVING REALLY FAST AND I LIKE YOU AS A PERSON BUT - Karen: having my brothers date would be SO WEIRD Hot bartender: Well on the bright side I literally cannot speak more than five words to him so we aren't dating because he's so cute
(Everyone else: that is somehow the most depressing bright side we never want to hear)
#my characters#oops i fell in love#I just think its really funny how i view so many of the cast as either the only child or#somehow still the only child but with twin cousins that he grew up with somewhat like siblings but is older than them#and then THESE TWO LOSERS (beloveds) are definitely younger siblings#there is no way Karen developed her personality without the help of older brothers#there is also a very funny and agonizing thing where she is super single cause she can't view a guy as more than a brother#she meets an asshole and is like wow just getting huge brother vibes from him wtf#and meets the nicest man possible and is like HOW IS HE ALSO LIKE A BROTHER I WILL NEVER LOVE ROMANTICALLY#and she has all of the guy friends and its very clear if they were interested she has long since friendzoned them#but its fine because they all are also convinced that shes exactly what it would be like to have a brother#so its fine its all good no one really agonizes over not romancing her and she just as a found family in everyone#hi my name is salmon and you may recall my feheroes experience where i want to give a certain male all of the siblings#the sibling adopter extraordinaire ? yeah thats basically karen now that i think about it#you know one time at work at my first job there was a girl who had a crush on a guy and we all worked the same shift a lot#and one day she was whining because he was so friendly to me and he looks at the girl straight faced and says#ITS BROS BEFORE HOES aint that right and im like uh huh sure thats exactly right#and later i told him i really wanted to know where she went wrong because i had a crush on him in school until he opened his mouth#and hes like yeah sucks to wanna date me you made the right choice#and i just ..... will never forget that weird guy#he saw me in a hoodie once and goes NO WAY I HAVE THE SAME ONE and then makes sure he brings it in next time we work together to prove it#he was like an annoying younger brother to me and i thought it was very funny that apparently i too am a sibling to him#i might be adopted and i might be biased but i think everyone could use an adopted sibling that they dont live with#thats a special bond ok im just sayin#also sorry its so late tonight i had some uhhhhhh problems haha
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wisteriagoesvroom · 8 months ago
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the contrast between two of my favourite vroom blorbos is hysterical to me.
charles: chest out. water dripping everywhere. classic movie star sunglasses. dramatic lighting. carefully composed HQ pics.
oscar: chest reveal only in the name of ocean conservation. wet as a cat in a bathtub. vaguely awkward stances throughout. blurry screengrabs captured on a potato.
(and i wouldn’t have it any other way)
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tenrose · 4 months ago
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Not my cat flirting with every pet sitters I get him during my vacations lmao
#misc#this year it's a man#i was lowkey worried cause my cat don't know many men#(idk if they even can tell the difference tbh lmfao)#but this hoe of a cat smelled him and immediately targeted his legs#sometimes i wonder if he wouldn't cheat on me with another human if he had a chance dusjsjjejz#anyway the guy is a young man and as someone who struggled when i was younger#i feel like doing a good action paying someone to do a cool job#(i mean cleaning the litter is not exactly a fun job but getting paid to pet a cat is)#also i met him through my physio who knows everyone#because last year i chose a pet sitter through a pet sitting website#but it was hella expensive#and it's basically a scam cause i paid something like 150€ but only 50€ was for the pet sitter the other was for that shit website#fuck start-ups#anyway i decided to do it the old fashioned way#through social relationships#but i struggled cause i have not social relationships???#except for coworkers#but I don't want coworkers to go to my home#that's an absolute no#it'd be a violation plus i am ashamed of my home and shit#so i prefer someone I don't know at all#so if i get judged it has no consequences#(yes i have trust issues)#so i had to actually gather my courage and ask my physio if she knew someone because she works with lot of young adults and teens#and turns out the mom of the man was here and she said she'll ask him#can't go wrong with someone vetted by hus own mother lol#anyway he said cats are his favourite pets so we're good#Loki definitely sensed that he can plays him like fiddle
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eternalpassions · 2 years ago
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Ugh just when I’m able to read vkm without feeling anything Hino writes something annoying that has me like 🤡
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sorvete-de-pacoca · 2 years ago
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Hi! Angsty prompt this time.
"I'm not an easy person to love. I know that," Afonso said. "I'm not loving or caring. I'm not... warm. If people expect you to be heartless, then you can't disappoint them when you act like it."
"oh c'mon cut that shit off!" Complains Luciano "I'm so damn tired of hearing that shit from you! It feels like you're just giving excuses to not make any effort to make this work!"
Afonso looks at him bitterly "And are you making any effort?! Why I have to be the one to open for you when you get to play the cool guy who has no attachments?"
"Im not-?!"
"No! Now you listen! I recognize my failures. You want me to be vulnerable for you but I don't see you lowering your walls either." He shakes his head "I'm too old for that Luciano, I'm not getting in a place where I can't be sure I'm not getting hurt. I know it feel like an adventure for you but it's not to me."
Luciano presses his lips together in anger, then walks away grabbing his coat on the way "I'm leaving" he mumbles, slamming the door behind him. As if he wanted to be there with Afonso and his pity party. All he asked for was for him to act like he was really enjoying staying with him.
But have you been doing that too? His own conscience accuses.
Why do you even want this from him? It's not even serious
And it's not! Just two lonely people getting together to fill that loneliness. So what if Afonso doesn't call him for a whole month? (You don't call him either) So what if he rather hang with his dumb old friends instead of visiting you? (You didn't even invited him to your home in the first place)
"fuck!" He shouts, punching the wheel of his car. This stuff is hard and boring, that's why he didn't liked playing dollhouse.
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somacruising · 2 years ago
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I was going to make a joke about how people used to call themselves wives of their favorite male characters and would talk about how they would save their favorite male character and romance them
the joke would be me saying that I’m the opposite and that Dhaos is MY babygirl, not the other way around.
but then I became terrified that someone would take me seriously or the joke would fall flat.
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lime1991 · 2 years ago
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minor coded adult man breaks the internet by being too cute
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clover-the-awesomest · 10 months ago
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NNOOOOOOOOOOO MY HEADCANON ABOUT FAT NUGGETS HAS BEEN DENIED FUCK YOU VAL
It’s okay it still exists in my heart…
Best facts!
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skyburger · 9 months ago
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oh i got recommended a video of john romero playing myhouse.wad and i had to think on who he was. i was like "is this the doom guy" so i looked him up and went on his wikipedia page and discovered we have the same birthday... so awesome. ive never known anyone with the same bday as me not even fictional characters except for bill fucking gates 😭😭😭 WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT BILL GATES!!! anyway yes he is in fact the doom guy (and apparently the wolfenstein 3D and quake guy! which i did not know) so me and john romero are birthday buddies now. shoutsout to mr. romero
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i90o3 · 26 days ago
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How do u think the rest of the homicipher guys would react after that one scarletella ending where u make him ur servant LMAO
Dyt crawly would be especially bothered by it 😭
Scarletta ending.
context: Homicipher boys reactions to the mr scarletta ending where he’s basically your servant.
Homicipher. mr crawling, mr chopped, mr silvair, mr gap, mr hood. | Anypov. Fluff.
Uhh didn’t do this ending yet so i’m slightly unsure about these? they are super short, but I didn’t wanna keep you waiting. (can you tell mr crawling is my fav)
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mr crawling.
lowkey..weirded out, kind of upset, off put, maybe a little jealous. Because why do you need that freak to bend to your will when you have HIM!!
They beef hardcore. If you remember there’s a route where Mr. Crawling saves you from Scarletta, and he’s covering your eyes and yelling at Scarletta. (also that fanart of mr crawling flipping off scarletta lolol)
Like babe what do you mean the guy who tried to kill you is now your pet?? pookie wdym … literally doesn’t trust him at all.
Clings to you and he doesn’t like when Mr Scarletta gets too close. He’s salty as shit like hoe back UP!!!! But honestly as long as you give him extra attention and special treatment he’ll be ight..
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mr chopped.
get. him. away. from that thing. NEOW!! literally whines and pouts and yells, if he had a body he would be kicking and hitting his hands and feet, full blown tantrum. He’s literally like so shocked like wdym?? he’s here?? with you?? nuh uh.
your not allowed to let Mr. Scarletta touch him or else he’ll literally die. (his words not mine..)
Glares as him whenever he sees you with him..
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mr silvair.
I think he’s pretty chill. A little shocked at first..but chill. Maybe he just keeps his distance a little bit, but I don’t think he’d make a big ordeal.
First time he sees Mr. Scarletta with you he just stares for a minute. Like this is normal now? If you say so.
I think he’d want to experiment on him kinda sorta maybe. I don’t think he’d actually attempt it though, or maybe he’d ask. But I really just think he’d be chill about it. Nonchalant vibes yk (/hj)
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mr gap.
first of all, FUCK mr gap I have PERSONAL beef with bro. Secondly he probably actively avoids you. He sees you with Mr. Scarletta, he’s never seeing you again. buh-bye!!
he was nice enough to save you from him and now you wanna ASSOCIATE with him?? just ungrateful.
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mr hood.
I’m ngl I think he’s also chill/indifferent like me silvair ..maybe a little more chill and indifferent.
He just leaves you be for the most part? unless you need him he’s there for you but he just keeps to himself. Maybe he’ll wander and keep an eye on you just in case..
I don’t think he trusts you with Scarletta, but like I don’t think there’s really anything he does about it. Other than checking up on you and watching you from afar.
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1:18 pm. 11/03/2024. @i90o3
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ln4smiamitrophy · 6 months ago
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𝐌𝐘 𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄
𐙚 summary; the one where lando norris shamelessly obsesses over his girl in her instagram comment section
ʚɞ pairing; lando norris x reader
ᡣ𐭩 fc; emma brooks
⭒ type; smau
⟡ a/n; first post , just something basic to test the waters. lowkey why are these so fun to make?
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y/nusername
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liked by landonorris, yourbff and others
y/nusername felt cute, might delete later lol
comments…
yourbff never seen someone so sexy
⤷ y/nusername seems kinda narcissistic to be talking about yourself in that way
user1 patiently waiting for lando to once again be mclaren’s worst pr nightmare
⤷ mclaren we dread y/n post (we love you y/n, lando not so much)
⤷ landonorris hey!!
user2 hi mommy 😍😍
user3 the best wag (not clickbait)
lilymhe marry me?
⤷ y/nusername yes!!!
⤷ alex_albon guess i’ll go fuck myself
⤷ y/nusername good idea
landonorris sit on my face. i’m begging you
⤷ y/nusername it’s not even been a day
⤷ landonorris and i can’t wait any longer. this is torture
user4 i just know lando is giggling and kicking his feet rn
⤷ oscarpiastri he is. he… literally is
landonorris please never delete this 🙏🏼🙏🏼
georgerussell63 y/n what have you done to this man? he’s been staring at this post for the past 5 minutes
⤷ user5 he’s not the only one
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y/nusername
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liked by landonorris, lilymhe and others
y/nusername sweet treat
comments…
user1 i didn’t think you could get any more attractive, guess i was wrong
⤷ user2 we all were
oscarpiastri why did i just witness lando see this and then excuse himself to his driver room? i’m traumatised
⤷ user3 BAHAHAHA 😭😭 poor osc
⤷ user4 this post was all too much for little lando norris
francisca.cgomes smash 😍🔥
⤷ y/nusername come over babygirl
landonorris my sweet treat
*liked by y/nusername*
landonorris google, how does one become a lollipop?
⤷ maxverstappen1 lando do you forget this is public? everyone can see this?
landonorris @mclaren cancel my meetings please, something has come up
⤷ y/nusername go to your meetings mister, i’ll be waiting for you at home
⤷ landonorris yes ma’am 🫡
⤷ mclaren sigh, i’m too tired for this
⤷ user5 poor mclaren admin, they’ve been through so much
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y/nusername
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liked by landnorris, georgerussell63 and others
y/nusername let's play mermaids
comments...
yourbff not the toes on show
⤷ y/nusername no mermiads for you hoe
carmenmmundt beautiful girl
⤷ y/nusername ily <3
landonorris why are you at the beach!? it's raining, you're gonna catch a cold!! you look gorgeous as always but stay wrapped up please, i don't wanna have to deal with sick y/n
⤷ y/nusername these are from like a week ago lan... you were there when i took them... you took them...
⤷ landonorris oh yeah 😅
user1 mother is mothering
alex_albon lily wanted me to ask you when you're next brunch date is...
⤷ y/nusername omg, soon! i promise
carlossainz55 surprised at how tame lando's comment is
landonorris i need you, every way possible, right now. i'm struggling over here love
⤷ carlossainz55 nevermind... you gotta stop doing this publicly
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y/nusername
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liked by landonorris, yourbff and others
y/nusername uh oh i think i'm in love
tagged; landonorris
comments...
user1 awwwwwwww
user2 parents!!
yourbff i guess you're cute... i'm still better tho
⤷ y/nusername ssshhh he can't know the truth
landonorris my girl forever, i adore you
*liked by y/nusername*
landonorris you truly are the love of my life
⤷ y/nusername guess you're stuck with me then
⤷ landonorris wouldn't have it any other way baby
maxfewtrell this is sickeningly cute
⤷ y/nusername thank you??
user3 i want what they have
landonorris my home ❤️ (pls come home, i miss you)
⤷ y/nusername i'm on my way love
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strwbwrrybunny · 5 months ago
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since you want requests!!! Connie’s a fucking hoe, always cheating/ got bitches in his phone. But when y/n do something she gets fucked UPP😩
figures. connie s. 2k.
cw𐙚 cheating, fingering, choking, dirty-talk, squirting, multiple orgasms . . . connie springer is a fucking asshole and you’re stupid. minors shoo!
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everyone referred to connie springer as the college campus ‘playboy’. even connie welcomed this label openly and confidently. he wrapped before he tapped, and that was all that mattered. he wasn’t ashamed that he liked to mess around, no harm no foul in his eyes.
the college buzzed with gossip when he’d revealed he had a girlfriend.people thought you were an airhead for dating someone of his status,little did you realize they’d been right.
you’d transferred colleges mid-semester because you found your original one lacked basic principles and adequacy. not to mention the professors seemed to resent their jobs and took it out on the students.
on your first day at the new college, you were completely lost. the campus was enormous, easily twice the size of your old one, with room to spare. despite receiving a layout of the school, you continued to get confused and turned around. your frustration had grew as your social anxiety spiked.
a man came up to help you, surprising you. you couldn’t deny how cute he was—with his athletic build, short sandy buzzcut, pretty smile, and the most enchanting eyes you'd ever seen. they were hazel, a mixture of green and brown speckled with gold.
“you seem a little lost,you must be new?” connie questioned, a warm smile on his face. he’d stood so close that his cologne had been practically smothering.
you’d laughed softly,shifting your book-bag on your shoulder.
“that obvious,huh?"
connie had nudged you playfully with an inked arm and quipped, "just don't see pretty girls like you around here often.”
you had felt your face burn at the compliment, looking down sheepishly at your white-painted toes.
“i’m connie by the way”
you smiled,”y/n”
you wish you could rewind time to this exact moment and warn yourself to run away from connie springer as fast as you can. he had a way of making you feel important, but underneath it all, he was nothing more than a sex addict narcissist.
he’d decided to take the opportunity to talk to you when he saw you standing there with a quizzical look on your face. up close, you were even more beautiful with your curls that smelled like coconut swaying in the wind, smooth skin, two-tone plump lips lined in brown covered by a glossy top coat, soft eyelashes that shaped your eyes beautifully.
connie never intended to date you, but the more he spent time with you, the more his feelings grew. maybe it was the way your nose scrunched when you focused or your laugh that always made him smile. or perhaps it was your radiant smile that could light up a whole room.
after six months of talking and meeting almost daily, connie asked you to be his girlfriend. you said yes without hesitation, which later became your greatest regret.
the first time you realized connie was cheating on you, you’d slapped him right across his stupid fucking face with your ring, leaving blood dripping down his cheek.
“you think you’re slick? unlock the phone cause settings isn’t texting you at three am!” you seethed,you were in your bonnet and robe. you’d been laid up with connie in your dorm when his phone kept vibrating,and to your surprise he had the contact saved under ‘settings’.
the fiery look in your eyes terrified connie who had never been hit by a woman. he unlocked the phone and sat on the bed, simultaneously pulling his shirt over his toned frame.
you laughed and warned, “yeah, you better put your clothes on because you're about to get your dumb ass out of here.”
you looked through his phone and discovered his conversations with numerous girls that he had been hiding from you. he assured you that he hadn’t met with any of them, but you found it hard to trust his words. the sting of betrayal hit you deeply, and you cried into your pillow all night.
the initial three days following the breakup were extremely hard, and crying every ten minutes made it impossible for you to go to classes. missing connie amplified your agony.
connie, naturally, felt awful about hurting you. he tried to find you during his breaks between classes but kept missing you, assuming you were avoiding him. every glance at his scar in the mirror reminded him of his mistake.
you had already eaten half a box of snickers ice cream when your phone pinged.
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it was connie.
you blocked his number, but he continued to text you from burner numbers, pestering you until you unblocked him. you foolishly chose to talk to him in his car and found yourself wedged between the headrest and the backseat while connie had rough sex with you.whispering sweet nothings and apologizing. with cunning precision, he prodded into your g-spot with that devil of his while asking you to take him back.
lost in the moment, you nodded your approval with a whiny ‘okay’
despite everything, connie continued to cheat consistently. whenever you saw incriminating messages on his phone or caught him flirting, you'd leave him. he’d then flood your phone with calls until you agreed to meet him, where he would persuade you to take him back.
it was an endless cycle that you couldn't escape. even though you wanted to leave connie and never look back, your love for him remained strong, and he knew it. your friends called you a fool, and they were right—you felt incredibly foolish staying with a man who had proven unfaithful time and time again.
one night during a girls' get-together, sasha, one of your best friends, said, 'treat him the way he treats you. seriously, men cannot handle a taste of their own medicine!” she threw you a knowing look while munching on a handful of Skittles.
“connie’s ego is so damn big y/n.how do you tolerate him? it’s almost suffocating," annie,your other friend budged in.
“yeah,tell me about it,” you responded with a scoff.
three weeks have passed since your last conversation with connie, and you find yourself lying in bed reflecting on sasha's words from the sleepover.
you never imagined conjuring up plans to cheat on your partner, never envisioned dropping to connie's level. an idea suddenly struck you—to send connie a text 'accidentally' inviting another boy over.
you wanna come over eren? me and connie are fighting right now, i could use some dick
eren jaeger was a boy from your english classes, you two had went on a date.you really liked him but you were still in love with connie, so not wanting to lead him on you broke things off after a month.
eren had grew furious as he struggled to comprehend why you kept allowing yourself to get hurt. you two had gotten into an heated argument and you’d stormed out of his car, never to talk to him again.
you pushed eren from your mind. it felt incredible to come at connie like this as you typed out your message. you were pretty sure he was balls deep in some other girl, so you didn’t expect your phone to buzz right away after sending it.
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you couldn't deny that it was exciting to provoke connie like that, it felt good giving him a taste of his own medicine. to your surprise, twenty minutes later, he was standing outside, hammering on the door.
you considered opening it as your anxiety grew as you feared he might yank it off its hinges. his constant calls aggravated you and all this while he stood on the other side of the door.
you’d forgotten to turn your ringer off and he could hear the default iphone ringtones as he spammed your phone.
“y/n open this door. i know you're in there,you’re being mad childish.” connie yelled,irritation evident in his tone.
you could barely believe his nerve for calling you childish, which made you scoff aloud.anger now pulsing through you, you yanked open the door ready to retaliate in words but were silenced when his lips collided forcefully with yours.
his kiss was so intense it left your lips feeling immediately tender; unable to control yourself, a whimpered sound left through your lips. his hand wrapped around your throat, other closing the door shut.
with connie's tight grip on you, one hand tangled in your hair and the other wrapped around your neck, you two walked backwards to your bed.
he had a look in his eyes you'd never seen before, and you felt a hungry tingling sensation in your clit for him.
you realized in that moment you were just as toxic as connie. here he was was choking you up, making you wet; his hands spreading your legs and moving your panties aside.
as he slid a finger into your wetness, you let out a pathetic moan.
"are you planning to sleep with jaeger behind my back?" he whispered sinisterly, and you stayed silent. you weren’t about to reveal that it was just a ruse, because his cheating ass deserved to feel exactly what you felt. because he’d make you feel like that for half a year.
“oh now you ain’t got nun to say? watch how i fuck this confession outta you.” connie muttered,his hands cupping your thighs and placing you on the bed.
connie fucked you relentlessly that night, pounding into you with unbelievable speed. you couldn't keep track of how many times you climaxed and squirted, and despite your soreness, connie kept going without concern.
he choked, spanked, and demanded you to take all of him.
all you could was lay there and take it, he’d fucked your mouth,your ass, and now he was back in your quivering pussy.your voice was hoarse from moaning all night and all you could do was whimper and whine as he stroked your pussy.
you couldn't stand the way connie knew your body so well; with one touch, you would become immediately wet. he was aware of every position that made you orgasm fast,aware that if he licked your nipples you’d squirt, and even though you weren’t keen on anal, he made it enjoyable for you.
"whose pussy is this?" connie panted as he drove into you, his thumb tucked in your tight asshole.
"y-yours, connie," you moaned out in joy, tears streaming down your face as the sound of slaps filled the room. your eyes shut tightly, biting back a cry as connie employed a deep thrust.
"am i the only one who can fuck you like this?" he asked, scalp stinging as he forced your head back by your hair.
"yes,” you whimpered.
“good, don’t forget that mamas.”
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y/n girllll…you weak in the knees.STAND UP.
masterlist 🎀
@ CINNN4MON ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.DO NOT STEAL OR MODIFY. MWAH, BYE
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specshroom · 8 months ago
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Fantasy Short Kings <3
~•°♥°•~
Your typical brash Dwarf warrior. Who is only amused when you, the mage of the party, try and rile him up by poking fun at his height. He knows you're only acting like a brat so he'll go rough on you but he eventually gives in to your lewd fantasies.
"You know, I can probably find a spell to make you....bigger."
He grabs onto the belt hugging your hips and pulls you down to your knees in front of him.
"Are ya sure? Ye can't even handle me this size, Lass."
You can't help the pleased look on your face as you bite your lip and look up at him with love struck eyes from your place, kneeling on the floor. The dwarf scoffs at how satisfied you are with yourself and your "plan". He wastes no time lifting you over his broad shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carrying you towards his tent.
~•°♥°•~
Goblin boyfriend who is very horny for you and you alone. When others belittle his sexual abilities or make fun of his height he probably wasn't listening cus he was staring at your boobs. However, when he does manage to pay attention to the comments, his reaction is basically just: "Hoes mad."
He's obsessed with your legs, thighs specifically. He encourages you to wear shorts, skirts, dresses, tighter pants, anything to show off your gorgeous legs.
His goal is to make you feel even half as sexy as he thinks you are.... and he really likes your legs. His undeniable attraction and unrelenting hunger for you gets you off far more than any bigger man could.
~•°♥°•~
Werewolf who's the runt of his pack and definitely on the smaller side. Most of the pack laughs when he finally confesses that he got a mate. He's confided with you about his insecurities before and how the pack treats him so you already have the perfect game plan when you both get invited to a pack get-together. That's why you're bouncing on his cock in the backseat of his car moaning into his neck,
"You gonna mark me up, Baby? Show them who I belong to?"
Making him whine out, "Yeah, f-fuck yes." while gripping your hips and cumming inside your greedy hole.
The look on his pack mates faces was priceless when you walked in there basically reeking of each other with barely hidden bite marks. While the older adults just looked happy that the smallest cub got himself a loving mate, many of the younger adults were clearly struggling with the fact that the runt they bullied for so long actually fucks.
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jtownraindancer · 2 months ago
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me hearing that:
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something i haven’t seen anyone talk about from the buck/gerard fight
“want me to be like your daddy and give you a pat on the head?”
like. what the fuck.
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mrfoox · 4 months ago
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The fact that the one that have shown most care and concern about me lately is an guy I haven't kept contact with for a year is :( damn
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