#his brother died when they were both children and his mum checked out from being Cryer’s mum

[gottagobackintime]

Abby is such a shitty girlfriend. She doesn’t come with Carter to comfort him when his grandmother, who was more like his mother, dies because she has to go get her brother. Sure fine, I get it. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same. But to then show up late to the funeral. AND bringing said brother, who can’t behave, who then disturbs the funeral…It would have been better if she hadn’t come at all at that point. Yeah, she wouldn’t have been there and he’d be angry and upset, rightfully so. But at least the funeral wouldn’t have been interrupted.

I also hate when other characters try to make out as if the character who was hurt, in this case, Carter. Should just forgive and forget. Like his dad saying that Carter didn’t ruin the funeral, and neither did Abby. HER BROTHER, WHO SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, FELL INTO THE FUCKING GRAVE?!?! I’d say that that falls under ”ruined the funeral”.

Carter has supported her time and time again when it comes to her family and she can’t even give him enough time to get through a funeral.

[rocketturtle4]

To Sir With Love, a Reflection

What is Love and What is Duty?

MAJOR SPOILERS

ALSO TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SUICIDE (briefly mentioned)

The way family love is framed in this show, sparked a lot of reflection and made me realise how un-nuanced some of my thoughts about love have been. (This also made me realise how engaging I find generational family trauma in stories like this so thanks @lurkingshan for answering all my questions).

(This post follows the journey of my thinking so it’s a bit choppy, skip to Duty vs Devotion Vs Love if you want the outcomes bit)

During my initial thoughts about this show I stumbled across @waitmyturtles big meta on: Pain, Suffering, and Narratives in Some Asian Dramas/BLs and it definitely impacted my thinking so go read that.

What struck me as particularly odd (on a personal level) was the idea that western parents are conditioned to love their children. Turtles uses these phrases as examples of a common Western Experience

“There is NO WAY your parents don’t love you.”

“There is NO WAY your parents will ever give up on you. Even if they treat you badly, they love you.”

“In the West, we ALWAYS end up loving our children. That’s what society demands of PARENTS. We’re CONDITIONED to be like that.”

And uh What? *checks own brain* that doesn’t seem right fitted to my experience? (I come back to this at the end, promise)

Now, the point that Turtles goes onto make about Asian family structures is deeply meaningful and poignant (Summarised very briefly, by her, as:

“The equation is: even if you suffer at the hands of your parents, even if you don’t receive unconditional love and empathy from your parents, you must sacrifice in order to respect and serve your parents”)

GO READ IT IT’S BEAUTIFULLY MOVING AND IMPORTANT

However, part of the reason I feel this is relevant is because I DID NOT assume that Tian’s parents (Or Yang’s parents for that matter) loved him going into this show.

I am not quite sure where my own frame of thinking, (of parental love is not an automatic assumption) comes from, now that I know this isn’t standard, I’ll be looking into it further, but I felt it was important to start with this frame because I’ll be talking about the way this drama reshaped my thoughts on love, especially familial love, thus my starting point seems important.

SO

Prior to about episode 14/15 I would have argued that neither of Tian’s parents loved him, they only loved the idea of him. (A literally line I thought to myself as I watched)

Li’s (Tian's mum) arc was the most impactful so I just want to give a quick rundown of the stages I went through and then I will be talking to some of these stages, with reference to Li (Mum), Song (Dad), Yang (brother) Chan (Wife 2, Yang's Mum), and Bua (Wife 3):

Stage 1 (most of the series): She (Li) doesn’t love her son, her love died when she realised he was a homosexual and everything since then has been about his conformity and power for herself.

Stage 2 WHAT, Maybe she does love her son

Stage 3 OH she definitely loves her son (SO WHYYY?)

Stage 4 Maybe she loves his son despite him being gay, rather than accepting him as a whole?

Stage 5 No she doesn’t even seem that specifically hung up on the homosexual, just his safetly

WAIT

Stage 6 Was all this…protective did she actually love him the whole time??? WHAT THE FUCK

Thus reflection:

Stage 1 (some initial thoughts)

Turns out my view on love is (or was?) rather black and white: to love someone & to hurt that person knowingly and intentionally were two concepts I viewed as mutually exclusive: Li hurt her son both physically and mentally on a regular basis and so from my initial standpoint she could not love him. (very unnuanced) (for the record, I'm not saying love and hurt are mutually exclusive (lol) but that I thought love and ongoing intentional hurt were)

In some ways I believed (emphasis on past tense) Song's love for Tian was greater than Li’s but that his love was also false due to a lack of knowledge.

Yang is the bestest bro but we’ll get back to him

Question: Did I really believe that all the actions Li took to protect Tian’s secret were not born out of love while she actively murdered people? Yeah kind of.

I had ascribed her a very similar motivation I ascribed to Chan: She wished to remain as the first wife and retain power and thus needed her son as the next head, discovery of his secret would end this possibility, so it must be kept secret at all cost.

I did not even ascribe her fear for her son’s death as a possible motivation which retrospectively seems very odd. My bias towards Li as unloving is why I had the whole opening section of this post.

Stage 2-4

I think part of the change in my thinking began not with Li’s actions towards Tian, but with Li’s interactions with Song midway through the show.

Song knows of Tian’s secret (but not what it is) and implores Li to tell him (and implores Tian to tell him but that’s not discussed here even if it was at that moment, I decided I hated him) and it is very clear that Li, really WANTS to tell him,

She wants to preserve their marriage.

She wants to give back the honesty he’s asking for,

BUT she never even considers actually doing so because to do so would condemn her son.

That she sacrifices her relationship with her husband to protect her son’s secret was the first rock to really put a dent in my un-nuanced take on her characters motivation.  

A lot of things happen from here, but Li throwing herself in front of the police officers and begging them to take her instead was definitely the final straw that shattered my perceptions.

But hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself

Stage 5

The societal and familial homophobia woven through this story and most strongly represented by Song is also a key part of this reflection.

The fact that Song grieves his brothers death, grieves for the brother he was closest too, grieves for the breakdown of the five families that they’d built and STILL VIEWS SAID BROTHER AS LESS THAN A MAN FOR BEING A HOMOSEXUAL was feckin INSANE.

But it was also the reality of what I’d been imposing onto Li. This is the kind of (not)love I ascribed to her.

Song didn’t truly love his brother for who he was, only who he knew him to be. And if knowing something fundamental makes you view that person as less, then, in my opinion, you never really loved them in the first place. You don’t love them, you love your own perception of them. You don’t love them, you love the idea of them.

(Look at Song here, reinforcing my black and white thinking, no wonder this show got me all twisted around).

Now Li on the other hand arguably doesn’t believe that being a homosexual makes her son automatically less.

Does she believe that he needs to supress this part of himself to become head of the families? Yes,

BUT, I would argue that this is more to do with her knowledge that he’ll definitely be unable to inheret due to Songs views (and may be kicked out of the family/die) than any personal belief of his unsuitability.

She views him as competent DESPITE his homosexuality, this is something that is hidden for his safety, more than for making him less of a man.

(I am not saying this is okay, just unpacking the different motivations as I understood them, and given ep 1 she KIND OF HAS A REASON)

I'm also not saying she's not homophobic (There is also her view that he can ‘be fixed’ as seen in her repeated attempts to get him to sleep with a woman in case he realises he likes it. Which is messed up, but again NOT my primary point.)

Stage 6

Turns out she loves him a ton after all:

She throws herself in front of the police

She planned to commit suicide (yes to absolve herself of her wrongs for some religious adjacent nuance I didn’t fully understand as a western viewer but also to ensure that her wrongs didn’t negatively impact her son’s future)

She sacrifices her husbands trust in her (as mentioned earlier)

She would sacrifice who she is in her sons eyes (someone he does love) to secure his ideal future (as she see’s it).

She loves her son and this love comes out in what I have reframed for myself as Devotional love

Duty vs Devotion vs Love

Duty is, I think, what we often see framed as love or love adjacent in the families portrayed in Asian drama’s, at least to Western viewers.

Children are taught they have a duty to their parent’s ABOVE ALL ELSE

Above love

Above self-care

Above other relationships

This is what their parents expect from them.

This is what’s framing their parent’s investment in their lives.

Duty WITHOUT love is, in my opinion, what we see discussed in turtles post with the examples of “Non’s father in Dark Blue Kiss; or Korn’s father in Double Savage; or ESPECIALLY Uea’s mom in Bed Friend”

Do these children love their parents? I have no earthly clue

Do these parent’s love their children? I would say no, but that doesn’t change the fact that as their children they must be DUTIFUL.

Devotion is then the intersection of duty and love, it is love with expectations. My current thinking is that many child-parent relationships in Asian dramas, especially child to parent, fall firmly into this category. How much emphasis is placed on duty over love seems to link with how damaging that relationship can be.

Li’s love for her son falls into this category, her love is for her son but her duty is for his future position and safety and this is of highest value to her, higher than her love for who he is.

This is a thread I definitely notice in Asian dramas, she is not duty without love as mentioned above, she is not “rooted in judgement against her offspring” (again from turtles) to the exclusion of all love, but this does colour her raising of him in a way that is significantly traumatising.

I think it is possible that Dad in Khun Chai may have reached this level of judgement if he had discovered his son’s secret (in a less extreme situation) and Li knows this, and so must keep him safe.

Though in the end he sees this too:

Yang & Tian

Now, Devotional love is something I also want to talk about in the context of Yang and Tian because I feel that the kind of love Yang has for Tian is different to the kind of love Bua has for both boys and this is the only way I can articulate how.

It's also important to know that duty often forms a part of a relationship that involves commitment (family or otherwise) so I am not saying devotional love is bad.

Despite Chan's best efforts, Yang grows up devoted to his older brother, we see this COUNTLESS times through the drama, and it was undoubtedly my favourite part.

Yang’s love for Tian is unconditional and certain, his realisation that Tian is gay leads to his desperate search for, and hug of his, brother, because he IMMEDIATELY recognises how hard that must be.

It does not alter how much he loves his brother

It does not make him think of his brother as different or less

If anything it increases his determination to keep his brother safe.

This Protectiveness leads his love further up the scale into Devotion

Yang’s love felt very devotional to me because he loves his brother and acts as if it’s his duty to protect him (despite being younger).

We see this in his taking of punishments for Tian

In how he searches for answers to the murder and then only tells Tian about it after talking to Pin as he initially believes protecting Tian is more important than anything else

(I have not got to talk about Pin, but I would argue Tian’s love becomes less devotional (less lead by duty in the form of protectiveness) as:

He shifts to being the caretaker of Pin as well

Jiu is introduced into Tians life

This combination (especially Pin) leads him to treating Tian with more autonomy.)

A key difference, even at the start of the show between Li and Yang’s devotional loves is the focus of their duty.

Li’s is to Tian’s future

Yang’s is to Tian

Yang's duty to his parents (especially his father) is much less (or at least shown as less important) than his duty to his brother.

Tian

I'm not going to talk about Tian's love

ITS ALL FRICKEN SACRIFICIAL @colourme-feral

Boy needs to care less about his duty.

(Sacrificial = Extreme Duty + Love)

Bua

Bua’s love and acceptance of Tian (and of Yang) felt different to Yang’s love and acceptance of Tian and this a key part of helping me frame the duty vs devotion vs love

To me, Bua is the best example we have of love without duty (or with minimal duty at least), her (literal) separation from the family due to infertility (she lives in a different building) leads to having less stakes in the whole game. She loves the boys, but she does not believe anything is more important that them being themselves. Duty is not part of her relationship with them, and arguably, duty is not part of their relationships with her.

In my opinion, Li tries to instil a sense of duty in Bua’s love when she encourages her adoption of Tian, but it doesn’t really have the desired effect.

Bua loves them, but she also clearly loves Song and we can see (for example in the way Yang never tells her Tian’s secret and she never pressures him), that her care for others does not come with a caveat of duty. (Song pressures her though)

Did she have a duty to Song? to anyone? Would her love have lead her to the belief that Song needed to know? Ugh, honestly I have so many questions about Bua.

Side Note

Obsessional love is something different again which didn’t really feature in this drama but which my current thinking frames as possessive devotional love, (with possessiveness causing corruption maybe? Not sure).

ALSO

I feel like the duty/love scale overlaps with a lot of what we see in the portrayals of marriage on screen where duty is often put first and foremost in a way that often breaks down over time or leads to resentment but I haven’t really thought about this in detail.

What was the point of all this?

I think as westerners a key difference in family culture is the way duty is framed in parent child relationships. Having written all this I can now return to this point:

“In the West, we ALWAYS end up loving our children. That’s what society demands of PARENTS. We’re CONDITIONED to be like that.”

And, while I’m still feeling rather uncertain about the phrasing of this, I do think that societally (in the west) parents have a duty to their child RATHER THAN children having a duty to their parents (in Asian cultures)

That’s what feels the most different to me, and I think often expectation of care (duty) is framed as love, you're expected to care for your children and thus you must love them.

But parents don't necessarily love their children even when they care for them. Doing your duty is not the same as loving,

its still causing me a bit of disconnect, so maybe it’s causing disconnect for other people as well.

I’m not sure how realistic my duty to love scale is, but I wanted to chronicle the ways this show shaped my thinking, in the hopes other shows will change my thinking in new ways.

I am very keen to view other shows on @lurkingshan’s generational trauma challenge and see how my thinking continues to grow.

Also I loved this show like crazy and gave it 94%, equal 10th out of 76 shows. Go watch it if you haven't.

[spiralling-thoughts]

District culture for 6! and I would love hear ur thoughts over Reaper if u have any 💖

Hi 👋

For district 6 I headcanon that the majority of its population are of British descent and have British accents and there are aspects of that culture and history that survived there ( not that I know much about British to begin with)

Addiction and selling of substances is very common even selling it to children and old people some drug lords have their own gangs that run the streets and act like sort of authority figures in some neighborhoods ( by that I mean they oppress the people of these neighbourhoods alot of times stealing from them and beating anyone who misses with them violently and starting riots with other gangs) for the most part the peacekeepers turn a blind eye to these gangs since they kinda benefit from them with keeping the citizens of the district under control and some peacekeepers even ally with them though they won't hesitate to kill these gangs if they did something they consider stepping out of the line

Punk and rock culture are wide spread in 6 both in music and fashion also one of the rock bands actually knew the Covey and allowed them to perform on their stage

For reaper I headcanon that he's an orphan his mum died when the war ended and his father was executed by the time of the second hunger games and reaper had to step in to be the caretaker of his siblings he did have his grandfather helping him but he knew he should become the man of the house and so he became like a parent for his siblings often doing their hair and teaching them the ways of agriculture and tending to them when they were hurt and when he gets a chance to be their brother and not their parent he playfuly carries them on his shoulders or wrestle with them

Those are @ylvisruinedmylife ideas but I like the idea of him being a superhero fan and finding old comics and that the peacekeeper he killed was one that was taking advantage of girls that I added these to my reaper lore and I imagine he would play pretend with his siblings and act like superheroes and tells them stories about them before bed I imagine he has 4 younger siblings

He knew dill prior to their reapings she and his sister were close friends and when dill first got sick while she was collecting fruits from the trees reaper was the one to climb and get her then carry her home he and his sister would then occasionally visit dill to check on her and help her family the best way they could and reaper grew to think of dill as his little sister as well

[purple-haired-faerie]

Thomas & Alistair Adoption fic

After a couple of years just enjoying/settling into their relationship, the conversation of children properly came up. Sure it had been mentioned but not like a full of conversation

They had seen Ari and Anna adopt and the total success that had been. Plus Zachary spent a lot of time with them so they had practice.

They liked the idea of adopting. Alistair had said he'd prefer to adopt an "older child" as in someone older that 4. "Everyone wants a cute baby or toddler. The older they are the less likely they are to get taken in" he's said. Thomas had agreed

However he (Alistair) had his doubts on his ability to be a father. His own had been a disappointment and a drunk. Thom, along with Sona and Cordelia pointed out he'd been a huge positive influence on both his younger siblings. Zachary loves Alistair to bits and absolutely had him wrapped around his little finger. Cordelia had hugged him and said "if you father they way you brother you'll be amazing"

Like Ari and Anna they make a rough plan for adoption but life it seemed had other plans for them. During a trip to Tehran, along with Sona and Zachary they visit the institute.

There they meet Darius. He's just sorted floating, somewhat unsure what to do with himself. He has some luggage with him

The head of the institute explains he arrived into their care that day. His mother had died a couple of years ago and his father had never recovered, and had become an alcoholic. Darius had essentially had to become responsible for his Father despite only being 11 when the pair met him, and as a result it had been decided his Father was an unfit parent to his son and Darius had been taken in to the institute.

A look was all it took for Thom and Alistair to know Darius had found a new family and would be coming back to London with them. They give him back his childhood.

Darius is fascinated by Psychology and History and loves reading anything on these two subjects. If he isn't training he absorbing knowledge

A year later, the family of three go to Paris for Alistair and Thoms anniversary. They visit the Parisian Institute, as they want Darius to experience how Shadowhunters from other countries do things.

It is their they meet Benoit. If Darius was a copy of Alistair, Benoit is Thomas copy. Like Thom at that age he's a sickly child. Unlike Thom he wasn't surrounded by a loving family as his parents and older brother were dead. Died in a demon attack. Aged 6, he was in poor health and alone in the world.

They discuss the matter and make sure to include Darius, who likes the idea of having a brother. They feel confident they can give Benoit what he needs to make a full recovery and go on to thrive in life. So Benoit returns with them to London.

Benoit does, like Thom did before him, get over his health problems. Where Darius is an academic, Benoit is a social animal. He'd talk to a tree if he had no one else to talk to.

He also loves animals, and is responsible for the assortment of animals around the family home. He is just fascinated by them.

When Darius is 14 and Benoit is 8, the family is joined by their final member. Returning from a meal out, they find a baby left in a blanket in a bin near their home. There is a note saying that she is free to a home as she is female and would never amount to being a 'nephilim of any use'". It Darius who says "she's coming home with us isn't she? We can show them what girls can do". Despite being raised in a male only family, Darius and Benoit have been surrounded by strong independent women and taught that it was your choices not biology that showed your real worth.

They bring her home and summon Brother Zachariah to do a health check on her to make sure she's ok. She is.

They decide to call her Barbara after Thoms sister and Sona after Alistairs mum.

Barbara grows up to be such a raging feminist its almost scary in a good way. Blonde hair and blue eyes she knows she's beautiful but refuses to allow that to be the only thing people notice about her.

Like Benoit she's an extrovert. Something she utilizes for her ambition to get into politics. Charlotte is her role model, wanting to show women can be in positions of power and succeed in male dominanted positions

Given that Darius is from Persia and Benoit is French, the family is poly linguistic, with all three children fluent in Farsi, French and English

[evita-shelby]

Tie your heart to mine

Chapter 3

Gif by @animusrox

While she is not surprised to see her daughter show an interest in politics, Eva was surprised to know it was in this specific place with this specific brother and sister.

She knew there was somebody ---Diane is not subtle when it comes to relationships--- she just wasn’t sure if it was the brother, or the sister arrested with her.

“There is a little extra for you to keep this off their records.” She said signing the forms that will hold no charges for anyone arrested tonight.

“For all three of them, ma’am? Bennett’s got a record as long as my arm and the girl’s headed that way too. Those two don’t deserve your kindness.” The man argued before Eva added a zero to the check.

“You were saying?” she smirked when the man changed his tune.

“I’ve taken care of everything, Mr. Bennett. The charges will be dropped, they will be out as soon as the kind sergeant finishes the paperwork.” Eva turned to the tired father of two who was on a first name basis with the sergeant thanks to his wayward children.

“Thank you, Mrs.---” he said genuinely grateful, but wary of her power and relationship with Diane.

“Shelby, Eva Shelby. I am Diane’s mother.” She shook the man’s hand and waited for it to click.

While the children were left a mystery to the papers, Eva made sure the world knew Thomas Shelby had a very devoted and stunning wife who does not look a day over forty despite nearing fifty.

And if that doesn’t ring a bell, both Douglas and the Shelbys had been in La Somme together.

“Arthur, Thomas or John?” he asks as they wait.

“Thomas. I take it you met them in France.” She pretends it is just an assumption and not something she knew the moment she heard his name earlier.

“I did.” He nods and avoids the elephant in the room. “Met in the field hospital, after the Somme. Me for shellshock them for getting trapped in a crater. Last I heard, Tommy won his reelection, you must be proud.”

“Yes, although if you ask me, Diane would’ve preferred he’d lost. Hates being known as the MP’s daughter.” Eva goes on assuming they know her daughter’s a Shelby. “Went on the road with John’s family by marriage to get a break from it all.”

If she was serious, she should have told them who she was by now.

“Don’t cry, you’ll get me next time, ladies.” The young man taunts the police officers in a way so reminiscent of Thomas’s brothers.

Reminds her of John, actually.

“Stop it Tom or they’ll throw you back.” His sister chides him half-heartedly.

They were both good looking, made it more difficult to guess which one Diane was with.

She takes it back when she sees the boy is the one angrier with Diane over something.

He has bloody knuckles and a look of betrayal; Diane had kept herself a mystery, hadn’t she?

Never works out, Eva should know.

“Who do you think got us out, Di?” she asked Eva’s daughter who freezes at the sight of her.

“No kind word for your mother, sweetheart?”

She had been waiting for the right moment to tell them she was a Shelby.

While they knew how many siblings she had, their names and ages and that her dad was overbearing while her mother was a tough act to follow, they didn’t know her last name.

They knew she was well off, but not I could buy all of Longsight and still have money to spare well off.

They knew she rubbed elbows with the upper class, but not my mum has monthly meetings with the queen and Mary Churchill is my brother’s secret girlfriend kind.

“I have not been completely honest with the two of you.” Diane said as they were put in adjoining cells on account of Lois and Tom being siblings.

“Now is not the time, Di.” Lois said reapplying her lipstick with the help of her compact.

“No, no, I want to hear it. Go on, Diane ---if that is your real name--- tell us who you are.” Tom dismissed his sister’s words.

Tom who punched a man who tried to hit her, Tom who has been honest with her and shared her bed in the vardo and now at the boarding house any chance he gets.

Tom who she might lose forever.

“My last name is Shelby. I didn’t lie about anything else, just never told you my full name.” She admits, knowing she may as well rot here because there is no way in hell they will speak to her ever again.

“Why couldn’t you tell us, tell me?” Tom asks, pained by this betrayal just as it pains her.

“The letters after my dad’s name are MP OBE. When people know I am a Shelby I stop being Diane. All they care about is getting dirt on my dad or getting their foot on the door.” She said hoping it wasn’t her dad who came to bail them out of here.

“And you thought we were like that? Think we are friends because we want handouts?” This time it’s Lois who speaks.

“I never cared for your money, Diane. I wanted you for you, I thought you knew that.” He said angry at the betrayal.

Before Diane could apologize and beg him to forgive her, the sergeant came to release them.

“All charges are being dropped, even yours, Bennett. You know the drill.”

They walk out almost as strangers. The sudden coldness between them is noted by the copper who makes a joke about it to their collective annoyance.

“Don’t cry, you’ll get me next time, ladies.” Tom mocks them when he sees his dad looking worried.

Pretending all is fine with him because it hurts him to see him worry.

Tom was born nine months after Douglas had been discharged because of his shellshock. His mum had been told maybe a child would snap him out of it, only for the anxiety of fucking him up to make it worse.

Hence why Tom was never told to stop, at least by him.

“Stop it Tom or they’ll throw you back.” His sister chides him pretending it couldn’t happen at a snap of her mother’s fingers.

Mother wouldn’t, Diane knows, father wouldn’t hesitate.

“No kind word for your mother, sweetheart?” the woman said with dark red lips and a black ensemble more suited for the funeral of a husband your murdered.

“I called Charlie.” Diane said.

She doesn’t hate mother, she loves her even with all her oddities, but what her mum knows her dad does too and the last thing she wants is for him to know about Tom.

Not that there is much to know now, Diane had fucked it up.

“Your brother knows better than to go behind my back, mi niña.” Her mother supplied and brushed off her fears while Douglas left with Tom and Lois, and they waited for mother’s chauffeur. “Don’t worry, your father will be none the wiser about your foray into the world of politics until one of Mosley’s cronies tells him about it at work tomorrow.

Unless you want to do the honors and get it over with tonight.”

[prettyboypucey]

Weird ~ G.W.

Summary: George is gorgeous. Charlie is a meddler. The snow is cold. (this summary sucks...just read it) 

Pairing: George Weasley x Y/N 

Word Count: 2,404 (who do I think I am?) 

Warnings: mentions of bullying. mentions of food/eating. george is unknowingly triggering? reader cries. idk? let me know if i missed something. 

A/N: part 2? maybe? translations are for romanian via google translate. do not come for me if they are hella wrong. 

Translations: draga - darling; dragoste - love; tampit - stupid 

��    I had never been normal. From the time I was a toddler I had stars in my eyes and dirt on my knees. While the other kids in my grade were playing with dolls and dressing respectably, I was riding imaginary dragons and wearing mismatched socks with dungarees and a butterfly headband. Normalcy evaded me even further when at 11 years old, I got a letter declaring me a witch.

     When I first came to Hogwarts I spent the majority of my time alone. It appeared that even children who could wave a stick around and makes things fly wanted nothing to do with the colorful little girl. Meeting Luna Lovegood in my second year was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Here was a girl who allowed me to be exactly who I was with no judgments. And then she introduced me to Neville Longbottom and Ginny Weasley, and suddenly that little girl who thought her only friends would always be the rocks she painted faces on, had found her people.

     Of course, being friends with Ginny Weasley meant knowing her many brothers. So after graduation when I went off to Romania to work with dragons it made me feel slightly better knowing Charlie Weasley would be there. He quickly took me under his wing and became the older brother figure I had never had. After working together for three years, and electing to stay at the sanctuary for the last two over the holidays, he had finally convinced me to come home with him. I was reluctant to leave the sanctuary - the one place I truly feel safe (despite the massive fire breathing creatures).

     Charlie had warned me that being with one or two of the Weasleys was very different from being with the entire Weasley clan. Obviously I knew Charlie and Ginny, Ron had always been nice to me, and I had met Molly a handful of times in passing. However, Bill was known to be quite intimidating, Percy was supposedly very no-nonsense, and the twins (albeit never cruel) had a reputation of being hell-raisers.

     Apparating to the edge of a marsh with Charlie by my side I could see the rising structure haphazardly balanced slightly ahead.

     Pausing, I glanced at the back of the familiar red covered head, “I don’t know Charles, maybe I should just go back. I really don’t want to be a burden.”

     Charlie very quickly rounded behind me to continue guiding me towards his home, “No, no, no, no, no. No. You’re not a burden to anyone draga. Keep your head up and if any of them give you grief - remind them of the giant, winged beasts you can feed them to.”

     Quickly placing a kiss to the side of my head Charlie bounded ahead again to open the door and announce your arrival. Before I could toe off the first boot to leave next to the dozen other pairs in the entryway, a pair of arms had flung around my neck.

     “Y/N! I missed you so much!”, Ginny pulled back, keeping her grip on my shoulders, to inspect for any major injuries.

     I held onto her elbows, keeping her close, “Hi Gin, I missed you too. A lot. I’m loving this new look by the way.”

     She reached up to brush the now short locks behind her ears. A grin on her face as the two of us looked the other over for the first time in months. Ginny was wrapped in a pretty baby pink sweater with shades of red and white running through it. The material was soft against my palm as I hooked it around her crooked elbow to follow her into the living area.

     “You know”, she started, “I was starting to think maybe Charlie had let you get eaten or burnt to a crisp in the land of dragons. It’s been so long since you’ve come to see me or left the sanctuary.”

     “I’m sorry Ginny. It’s just that after everything, I had to keep myself busy.”

     Ginny’s smile softened into one of understanding. The war had taken a part of all of us. Although Fred had recovered after many months, that fear of almost losing such a vital part of their family had rocked the entire Weasley family to its core.

     “I get it, I do, but I worry about you. I just want you to know you’re not alone Y/N.”

     I pulled the girl into another tight hug, “I know.”

     Ginny pulled away first, clearing her throat, “Okay! Now that’s out of the way - it’s time to introduce the one and only Y/N L/N to the Weasley’s.”

     I hummed, “Hmmm and which of us should be more scared?”

     “Oh definitely the Weasleys.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~

     Meeting the Weasley family had gone much better than expected.

     Molly had opened her arms and home to me as if I was one of her own children. By the time the night was over she had me stuffed full of warm food and drink and donning my very own coveted Weasley sweater, the lavender initial in the middle marking it as my own. Arthur had been very interested in my muggle parents and upbringing, questioning me about the functions of a rubber duck. Bill and his wife Fleur were the most stunning couple I have ever seen, and not nearly as intimidating as people portrayed them. Fleur was pleased when she found out I spoke a bit of conversational French and promised to have me over to Shell Cottage (apparently they have an amazing collection of wind chimes that I am dying to see). Percy was a bit more refined. Completely polite and friendly but he seemed reserved. Ginny had explained in one of her letters how much guilt Percy carried after the Battle of Hogwarts over how he had behaved in the years leading up to that day.

     The twins were much different than I remembered them being from the few times we were around each other in school. The physical differences were clear - George’s missing ear and Fred’s dragging limp were both signs of the prices they paid in the war. More than that however, they had matured greatly. They were still happy and made sure to pull at least two pranks over the night, poor Molly nearly lost her voice after they blew up the turkey. However, there was something in their eyes that had been dimmed. Especially in George.

     His twin almost died that night, and it reflected in George’s eyes each time he looked at his older brother. It was clear that he was still afraid because whenever Fred left a room George followed, never letting his brother out of his sight, and if he happened to lose track of him a panic began to swirl in his brown orbs.

     I was in the middle of watching as George yet again made his way to Fred’s side, clapping a large hand on his twins shoulder and throwing his head back in laughter.

     “So which one are you staring at dragoste?”, Charlie whispered as he appeared out of nowhere.

     I ignored the burning in my cheeks as I looked away from the scene in front of me.

     “I am not staring at either of them tampit.”

     “Mhmm, sure, absolutely, I believe you.”, after a quick pause he said, “It’s George isn’t it?”

     I turned and scoffed at him, “No!… How did you know?”

     Charlie let out a chuckle, “Because I know you my little dragon. I also know my brother, and just between us, he definitely likes you as well.”

     At this I let out an incredulous laugh and glanced back to where George was now telling a story, his hands moving animatedly. There was no way that George Weasley had even a remote attraction to me. He was kind, strong, clever, and so bloody gorgeous it truly was a privilege to look at him. And I am…me. Nothing special. Just a girl who had more dragon friends than human ones and whose hands were covered in scars and callouses and whose socks never matched and had never even kissed a man before. So no, there was no way that George Weasley would ever like me.

     “Hey. I know that look Y/N. Stop those thoughts right this bloody second.”

     “Charles it really is annoying when you read me like that.”

     Throwing his arm over my shoulder he began to lead me towards the twins, “Yes I know and I am sorry in advance but this needs to be done. Fred!”

     Charlie’s voice had gone from a rushed whisper to a jovial shout when we reached George, Fred, and Ron by the fireplace. George’s smile as he turned to look at us sent a million butterflies off in my tummy.

     “So Freddy, I was hoping you could help me out with a top secret project tomorrow for mum and maybe show me around the joke shop. I heard you added some new displays that I want to check out.”

     “Sure Charlie”, Fred glanced at George as he spoke, “I’m sure we can make some time for our favorite brother.”

     Ignoring Rons protest, Charlie gripped my shoulders and pushed me in front of him, “Actually George I was thinking you could stay here and show Y/N around the area. She mentioned wanting to talk a walk tomorrow and I would hate to disappoint her on her first Christmas out of the sanctuary.”

     “Um-”

     I interrupted the rejection coming from George, “No please, I would hate to be a bother and make you be stuck with me all day. I’m sure Ginny can take me.”

     George smiled and shook his head, “No it’s completely fine Y/N. I would be happy to show you around.”

     “Okay great! It’s settled then!”, Charlie looked rather too pleased with himself and obviously missed the look exchanged by his identical younger brothers.

~~~~~~~~~~

     The next morning the Burrow was a flurry of movement as everyone began their day. Apparently Charlie and Fred weren’t the only ones on their way out. The others still had some last minute gift shopping to do and Ron was spending the day with Hermione’s muggle family. After breakfast, a quick wink from Charlie, and a slam of the front door - George and I were alone in the house.

     The two of us stood facing one another in the living room for a few awkward moments before George spoke, “Well, um, did you want to head out as well?”

     “Oh sure! Yes, let me just grab my boots really quickly.”

     George led me out the door and onto the snow covered path towards the small, iced over river. Nothing was said for a while, the only sound was the crunch of snow under our boots and the occasional sniffle from one of our red noses. I was mentally imagining all the ways I was going to kick Charlie’s ass when he got back for suggesting a walk in the middle of winter when we came to the top of a hill and stopped.

     Everything as far as the eye could see was blanketed in sheets of white. Stomping my boots down into the fresh snow, I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped as the snow gave way underfoot. Feeling a pair of eyes on me I remembered that I wasn’t alone and turned to see George watching me with an unidentifiable look on his face.

     “Sorry, sorry. That was - I don’t know why I did that. I liked the feeling of the crunch of the snow I guess. Sorry.”

     George grinned, “You don’t have to apologize. It was cute.”

     I could feel my face flush at his words. His smile grew even wider at the sight of my heated face. My gaze dropped from his pretty face down to my boots. I could feel the thick socks I had on beginning to grow cold and wet from how long we’d been outside. Looking back up I could see George’s deep eyes glaze over. Assuming it was because he had been apart from Fred so long I glanced out at the view one last time before turning back the way we came.

     “We should probably get back. We’ve been gone a while and my toes are getting wet. I feel bad enough that Charlie forced you to do this anyways without you getting frostbite or something. I’ve had frostbite, it’s not fun. And now I’m rambling. I’m sorry. Sorry”

     George was shaking his head at me and said, “You are so weird.”

     Ouch. My chest tightened and the small smile I had been wearing dropped from my face. If I had been able to see past the tears forming in my eyes that were making my sight blurry, I would have seen George’s face do the same. Unfortunately, all I could focus on was that word. Weird. Strange. Abnormal. Freak. 

     Weird weird weird.

     The walk back was silent. A thick tension surrounded you both as thick snow flurries began to swirl down in the midmorning air. Just as thick was the lump forming in my throat as I fought back tears. I know I shouldn’t let his words affect me. He’s just some guy. But deep down I also know that he’s not just some guy. This is George fricking Weasley. With his stupid perfect face and gorgeous eyes and his loyalty to his family. I couldn’t help but be enamored with him from the moment I walked in the Weasley’s front door. So it hurt to hear the man I liked call me that nasty word that has haunted me my entire life.

     When we finally reached the Burrow, George tried to reach for my arm but I pulled away and ran into the house. I could hear that some of the others had returned and really wanted to avoid a confrontation. Once again, luck wasn’t on my side. Charlie came walking out of the kitchen and saw me in the entryway. His face immediately became concerned at the sight of me and he lowered the sandwich he had from his mouth.

     “Draga?”, Charlie’s voice followed me as I finally reached the stairs and launched upstairs.

     As I reached the first landing I heard him speak again, his voice rough and hard.

     “What did you do?”  

[twilightdruig]

help?

pairing : george weasley x fem!reader

summary : “hi i’m your neighbor and while i know we’ve never spoken but you’re a single parent of two and my sister recently died leaving me to raise her infant and i have no idea what i’m doing, help?” au

warnings : swearing , mentions of character deaths , fluff , au where george lives alone with his two children in a cottage near the burrow , au where fred and cedric live.

words : 2.6k

a/n : this is my first fic so it’s probably gonna be shit (as you can probably tell i’m not good with titles either) but yeah hope you enjoy :> and i might do a little part 2 on this soon

holly l/n was loved by multiple. a sweet hufflepuff student who was favored by all the teachers and students. her sister, y/n was a scary and intimidating gryffindor who hung out in the library.

ever since the battle of hogwarts death eaters have been imprisoned in azkaban. but, that didn’t mean all harm was gone.

now here y/n l/n was, standing in the heat of the summer, her nephew connor l/n mourning the death of a family member.

the service was beautiful. a few hogwarts students came including luna lovegood and neville longbottom and professor sprout and professor flitwick decided to pay their respects. headmistress mcgonagall sent her condolences through a letter as well.

conner wasn’t old enough to go to hogwarts yet. there was no one else for holly to leave connor with. her husband, ronan died during the war, all connor’s grandparents died and the only appointed godparents were holly’s best friend cedric diggory and her sister y/n.

cedric diggory was now teaching first year flying at hogwarts and is married to cho chang.

y/n was currently doing nothing with her life. she wanted to live alone in a cottage, reading, stitching, picking apples and getting drunk on fruity cocktails. but now? she had to take care of her sister’s spoiled son.

y/n hated children more than she hated the people in her own hogwarts house. more so, she didn’t know how to take care of them.

she had to enroll her nephew in hogwarts, teach him basic life skills and other stuff like that. there goes her life goal on being that cool stoner aunt that hates love and children.

—

“shit, connor!” y/n exclaimed as her 3 year old nephew accidentally ate a ton tongue toffee made by the joke shop in diagon alley owned by the weasleys.

“sorry aunty y/n”

she was never close to the weasleys. all of them, stereotypical gryffindors, loud and chaotic and always the main characters.

the only thing she knew about them is that one of the twins live next to her. y/n didn’t know how to shrink his tongue and thought it was quite the convenience that he lives next door. he was a single dad with two daughters, maybe he could help her control her nephew and technically her adopted son, now.

she sighed. “put on your coat, we’re visiting our neighbors, ok con?” the little boy nodded in response

—

went the small cottage came into view, there were two little girls picking flowers on the front yard and a tall red-headed man on the porch watching them.

“hey! weasley!” she yelled with a small smile as she approached the small gate.

“l/n? what are you doing here?” george asked

y/n gestured to her nephew who was holding his now 3 foot long tongue. “he accidentally ate one of your products and i’m not entirely sure how to fix it”

“right, right” he laughed “come on, connor right? i’ll reverse that”

y/n felt a tug at her oversized cardigan. she looked down to see two identical ginger twins.

“hi there!” one smiled.

“hello!” y/n tried to sound as nice as possible. looking back at her teenage years she remembered laughing at kids who fell of their brooms their brooms when she’d watch first year flying. she remembered laughing at seamus finnigan when something blew up in his face. or when she’d laugh at any kid accidentally getting hurt.

“these are for you! they’re pretty just like you” the other twin exclaimed.

“i’m charlotte and she’s billie” charlotte giggled.

“how do u know our daddy?” billie asked

“oh! um, we went to school together and i live just next door” y/n replied

“do you know our uncle freddie?”

“i know all your uncles and your aunt ginny, aunt hermione and uncle harry. they were all famous when we were in school”

“wow!” they both exclaimed

george and connor came back out. “look aunty y/n! my tongue’s normal again!”

“aunty?” george questioned. “holly. she died quite recently.”

“oh! i’m so sorry. i heard about her. yeah. i believe mum sent some flowers for the service”

“yeah we received them”

“i’ll see you around?” george inquired

“yeah, yeah. and i might need some parenting advice? you knew how i was back at hogwarts”

“i am flattered, dear l/n”

“oh hush. and they get along.” she pointed to the three children running around.

“they do. and yes, i would love to help you tame that little rascal” george laughed.

“thank you, george. really.”

“i’m just next door, yeah?”

“yeah” y/n smiled “come on, connor. we’re going home. but we’ll definitely be seeing these lovely ladies soon.”

“bye pretty lady!” y/n heard two young voices call after her

“daddy, who was she?”

“is she gonna be our new mommy?”

—

george and y/n had been hanging out for the past weeks. he had given her advice on taking care of connor and how to deal with children. they also spent time talking about family and their time back at hogwarts. she was told about the attack of death eaters at one of his brothers’ wedding and how his daughters were named after his brothers bill and charlie.

a knock at y/n’s door interrupted her reading.

“oi, l/n!” she heard a familiar voice on the other side of the door.

“weasley” she muttered.

connor recognized george’s voice and the twins’ giggles, he decided he would take matters into his own little hands. connor knew how stubborn his aunt was at the young age of seven.

“hi billie! hi charlotte! hi uncle george!” the little boy squealed.

“hey there, con!” george ruffled his hair while billie and charlotte ran over to y/n.

connor and the twins were two years apart. connor was going to hogwarts the next year. no doubt would he be trouble to professor mcgonagall but everyone knew they were always her favorites.

“aunty y/n! uncle george brought cookies!” connor yelled excitedly. y/n was never the type to bake or cook. she did try to but it always ended in almost burning the house down. she usually fed connor fruits or store bought food.

“you didn’t have to” y/n responded while taking the plastic box.

“oh yes i did” he teased “i heard you’ve been starving this poor little fellow”

“daddy didn’t bake those cookies” charlotte stated “grandma did” billie continued

“oh” she smirked at george then turned to the twins “tell your grandma i say thanks!”

“uncle george! i wanna show you something outside! the twins can come too!”

“connor, what are you gonna show them?” y/n grumbled.

“your paintings! they’re amazing” her nephew jumped.

“paintings, eh?” george smiled “okay, let’s go, champ. see those paintings of your aunt.” the two scurried outside, two redheaded girls following after.

y/n groaned and fell back into the couch, finishing her book.

—

it’s been a few days since george and the twins came with cooking to y/n and connor’s cottage. she wanted to throw connor a little surprise birthday party.

connor has loved the twins and george so much, he thinks of them as blood relatives. y/n decided to call up cedric and cho to look after connor while she’d do some errands.

the two arrived exactly on time as y/n was preparing to go out. she had on a simple cardigan and loose denim pants.

“ced! cho! hi, how are you guys?” y/n greeted as she saw her old friends apparate into the cottage.

“hi y/n!” cho greeted “hey nerd” cedric snickered.

she sent cedric a small glare before connor jumped at the two.

“uncle ceddy! aunty cho! you’re here” he shouted.

“yeah buddy! your aunt’s gonna run some errands and visit your uncle georgie?” cedric winked at y/n. she had been owling cedric about george and how he’s been helping her with connor.

“are you going out with uncle george?” connor asked, eyes twinkling.

“i don’t know, actually. i might check him out next door.”

“george weasley?” cho teased.

“yes, cho,” y/n rolled her eyes “but on that note, i have to go”

“bye, connor! behave okay?” she crouched down and squished his cheeks.

“bye, ced! cho!” her voice faded when she dashed out the door.

—

y/n passed george’s cottage to see if he actually might want to come with her and do errands.

she was standing outside the small gate, hesitating. ‘maybe he was busy’ ‘he wouldn’t want to do errands with me’ ‘maybe he would if i told him it was for connor’s birthday’ she thought. y/n didn’t know why she was overthinking her choices. the first time she was standing right outside the gate she bursted in and demanded george to fix whatever happened to her nephew. now, she was nervous. her palms were sweaty and clammy.

she pushed herself in and walked to the front porch. she knocked a few times and was met with a head of messy brown hair.

“hermione?!” she squealed

“y/n!” hermione jumped to hug her old friend.

there were overlapping voices in the background and when they pulled away she was met with multiple mops of ginger hair, a head of blonde hair and another with black hair behind hermione.

“l/n?” ginny weasley asked, quite shocked what she would be doing outside george’s door.

“oh! did i interrupt something? i am so sorry!” she said feeling a bit nervous.

“oh! you must be the dearest y/n george keeps talking about!” an old woman she thought was mrs. weasley approached her from behind her children.

“hi there!” y/n said feeling a little embarrassed she might’ve barged in on a family reunion.

“ah! l/n? i have heard of your family! muggle-borns right?” arthur weasley joined his wife.

“uh, yeah!” she pursed her lips “i am so so sorry i interrupted! i should go. tell george i’ll swing by next time”

“oh it’s absolutely alright, dear” molly reassured her.

“george! there’s a really pretty girl! get your arse out here!” fred yelled to george who was probably inside the house.

“is she here?” charlotte and billie ran to the door.

“hi girls! tell you dad i was here yeah? say i’ll come by next time” most of the weasleys came back in. she took it as her time to go on with her day.

“oi! y/n! wait up” the voice she recognized as george’s called after her.

“george, hey”

“where’r you off to?” george pointed to the small bag that was swung over her shoulder.

“errands. connor’s birthday is coming up so i thought i’d prepare something for him. first birthday without his mum, you know”

“his birthday’s coming up?” george looked as excited as a child on christmas morning.

“yeah. why?” she smiled

“you’re talking to one of the best party planners there is. you also did talk to another one of them… i think”

“fred?”

“oh yeah”

“i wanted to ask if you wanted to come but seeing as to your family is in your house… i’m gonna take a wild guess and say you aren’t available right now” she giggled.

“maybe if you went another day” he said sympathetically. george really wanted to go and prepare connor’s party with her. he treated him like his own and boy did he remind him of how fun it was to be a kid. he loved his aunt so much it was adorable.

“george. seriously, it’s okay. spend time with your family” she laughed.

“yeah, yeah. i’ll see you when you get back” he waved.

—

connor’s small birthday gathering was in full swing. y/n became acquainted with george’s siblings. bill, charlie, percy (whom she was actually friends with back in hogwarts), fred, ron and ginny. hermione was a very good friend of hers and so was harry. she recognized fleur from that day in the cottage as beauxbatons triwizard champion.

connor had quite a bunch of guests for his birthday. cedric, cho, luna, neville, fred, percy, ron, harry, hermione, bill and fleur and their little victorie. of course, billie and charlotte helped george and y/n fix up the party. mr. and mrs. weasley sent a small cake for connor when they heard about y/n not knowing asingle thing about cooking.

fred offered to take care of the twins and connor while george and y/n ran off somewhere. the two found themselves near a small creek. y/n explained how the cottage was where she’d go off exploring and the only person who knew was holly. she was overjoyed when her sister got the cottage she used as a hideaway.

george was surprised when there were lights and blankets and everything. the soft sounds of running water was calming.

the two were pretty intoxicated when they sat down; stumbled onto the picnic blanket. y/n was sober enough to not spill her deepest darkest secrets. george on the other hand…

“have i ever told you how pretty you are?” george mumbled next to her. y/n only snickered and blushed.

“um, can i hold your hand?” he continued, taking a look at the girl next to him.

“sure” she winked.

“you know” he started again “i actually fancied you a bit back in school”

“yeah?” she rolled over to her side “i wonder… what did you like about me?”

“i don’t even know. my heart just felt so full with you. still does, right now, holding your hand, under the stars by a stream.” he had this glint in his eye when he looks at her.

“hey,” she brushed some hair out of his face “these past few months have been great. and you’re a huge help with connor. you know i’ll always be there for you, right?”

“yeah darling,” he yawned “yeah”

“wait, george!” she sat up “no. don’t fall asleep!”

“fuck” she groaned before falling back down on the blanket.

“i think i love you” she whispered.

—

morning rolled around and they were still lying somewhere in the forest behind the cottage. some childish chatter and laughs were heard from where they were still sleeping soundly.

until, a red ant bit y/n and george’s intertwined hands. “ah shit!” y/n woke up from the bite. her yell also woke up the sleeping man next to her “what?! what happened?” he jumped.

“oh. did i wake you up?” she asked.

“no. it’s honestly no worries” he said “but i do have a killer headache”

“an ant bit me” she muttered, wanting to scratch it.

“hey, no don’t scratch! i’ve had a lot if experience with insect bites” he explained “want me to kiss it better?” he teased.

“oh, ha-ha” she rolled her eyes but blushed.

“we should probably head back” he checked his watch while standing up.

—

“ah! there the lovebirds are!” fred exclaimed.

everyone was cleaning up from last night. there were children running around while chasing balloons and each other.

“yeah,” george started “we, um, fell asleep”

“sure ya did” this time ron teased the two.

“i’m gonna clean up here,” y/n offered “you guys should go home. you know, get some rest”

cedric gasped “y/n l/n! are you kicking us out?” he said in mock offense.

“technically, yeah. i doubt connor got any sleep”

“maybe we should,” fleur said with her accent “victorie was very excited for the party she is very worn out”

george snuck behind y/n “i think i love you too” he muttered under his breath. he wasn’t sure if she heard it. she did.

“i’ll see you later, y/n!” he yelled “come on, princesses, we’re going home. we’ll see connor and y/n later”

connor and the twins hugged while y/n said thank you’s to all the guests.

maybe it wasn’t such a bad decision to ask for help.

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Dead Man’s Cell Phone--Prologue

Summary: When Emma Swan starts getting phone calls and texts from an unfamiliar number, she decides to check it out--only to discover the number belongs to a Killian Jones, who was killed in a robbery gone wrong six months ago.  With some help from a medium, Merlin Emrys, Emma hopes to find out why a dead guy is contacting her--and why she feels such a strong pull to someone she has never met before.

Rating: K+

Other Chapters: 1 2 ​3 4 Epilogue

Welcome to my entry for the Captain Swan Supernatural Summer! A big thank you to @cssns, the ladies on the Discord!  Thank you also to @eastwesthomeisbest, my artist and my beta @veryverynotgood!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Killian Jones took a deep breath, noting the salty tang of the sea breeze.  The scent brought him comfort, a balm to his wounded soul.  Some of his most treasured memories involved holidays to the sea with his mum.  He remembered something his mum said to him on one such holiday ages and ages ago when he was naught but a tiny lad of four or five.

“You feel things so deeply, Killian,” she’d said, stroking his hair.  “When you love, you love with your entire being.  It’s a beautiful thing, and those you love are lucky indeed, but be careful.  There will be heartache in your future, and when you lose someone you love, I fear it will hit you harder than most.”

He’d learned the truth of her statement less than a year later when she had succumbed to a fast moving, particularly virulent form of cancer.  He’d been inconsolable for weeks, unable to understand why his mum had left him.

But life had gone on, and like many children, he’d proven to be resilient, turning to his older brother, his hero, Liam for help and support.  He thanked the gods every day that Liam had never left him--either willingly like his deadbeat father or through death like his mother.

Love was rather rare in Killian’s life.  He’d taken his mother’s words to heart, only giving his heart when he felt it was in safe keeping.

That was, until he met Milah.

She was beautiful, vibrant, full of life--and unfortunately quite married.  Liam had warned him against getting involved with a woman who wasn’t free to give him her heart, but Killian was snared before he even fully understood what was happening.  He had fallen hard and he had fallen fast, and he found he was helpless to resist the gorgeous woman who had captured his heart.

They were happy for a few months, so happy that they’d begun discussing forever.  Milah had sworn she’d leave her husband, that she wanted to be with him.  Killian had begun shopping for rings.

And then, as suddenly as it began, it all went to hell.  She’d come to meet him one night looking as grave and uncomfortable as he’d ever seen her.  

“Killian, I do love you,” she said, “but what we discussed in the past, I think we’ve always known they’re pipe dreams.  Robert’s my husband, the father of my son.  We were meant to be.  I’m sorry, but I have to end this now.  Robert got a new job across the country, and we both think it’s the perfect opportunity for us to make a go at this, to start fresh.  I’m sorry, but this is goodbye.”

It hit him hard, so hard it felt like there was a physical weight on his chest.  How did one pick up the pieces of their heart when it had been shattered into a fine powder?  Liam had tried to be supportive, he really had, but Killian had known it was always on the tip of his tongue to tell Killian “I told you so.”

After a couple months of misery, Killian decided he’d had enough.  He needed a change, even if it was no more than a few weeks’ vacation.  And so he’d packed up and taken the first flight he could arrange from his home in England to the States.  He’d rented a car and simply begun driving, deciding not to stop until he found somewhere that might offer him peace.

He found it in the small, quaintly named seaside town of Storybrooke, Maine.  There was such a magical feel about this berg.  It was a place he could perhaps run into that peace he’d been sadly lacking since…

Killian stopped abruptly as he collided with something, someone in front of him.  He heard a swift, harsh, feminine curse, and looked up to find himself face to face with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen - riotous blonde curls pulled up into a high ponytail, green eyes, currently narrowed in anger, a red leather jacket over a white tank top. Her jeans were so tight to her slim figure they looked painted on.

For a long moment, Killian could do nothing but stare, open-mouthed at the vision before him, so gobsmacked he could barely remember his own name.

The woman growled in frustration as she looked down at the grocery bag she’d dropped upon impact.  “Seriously?” she asked.  “You’re just gonna stand there like an idiot?”

Killian shook his head as he came back to himself, his cheeks reddening at his rudeness.  “My apologies, love,” he said, stooping down to gather up the spilled contents of her bag.  “It appears I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“You think?” she retorted with a roll of her eyes.  

For a moment the two worked together while Killian desperately wracked his addled brain for something--anything--to say that might allow him to remain in this woman’s presence longer, but he was coming up blank.

“Well….thanks for your help,” she said finally, when the groceries were back in their bag.

“Thanks for letting me help,” he replied rather lamely.

“Yeah, well maybe next time you might pay a little more attention and avoid this kind of situation altogether,” she suggested as she pushed past him and quickly disappeared from his sight.

She might have disappeared from his sight, but she most assuredly did not disappear from his mind.  Thoughts of the beautiful blonde followed him through the streets of Storybrooke as he made his way closer and closer to the beach.

So consumed was he with his chance encounter that he didn’t even realize he’d wandered into a seedy part of town until he heard the sounds around him.

The sounds of an altercation.

Killian looked up to see several big, burly men brutally beating a man with black hair and blue eyes.  The man fought valiantly, but it was at least six to one.  He didn’t stand a chance.  Killian fished his cell phone from his pocket, intending to call the authorities, get some help, but he knew the victim before him didn’t have time to wait for police to arrive.

Killian had to intervene.

He charged into the fray, pulling first one, and then another ruffian from the man being beaten, but his efforts seemed to have no effect on the attackers.

No effect, that is, save to divert some of their wrath toward him.  Killian grunted as the first blow landed on the side of his head, and he dropped his phone to the ground.  He fought back with everything in him, pleased to note he’d gotten in a fair few punches of his own, but it soon became obvious that he was hopelessly outmanned.

Sometimes retreat was one’s only option.

Killian turned, hoping to find help for himself and for the other victim, but he’d only made it a few steps when he felt a sharp pain to the back of his head...and then everything went black.

 Notes:

--Hi there and welcome to my story for the 2021 CSSNS!  This story was kind of inspired by an experience I had.  Most of the time if I get a phone call from a number I don’t recognize, I just let it go to voicemail, figuring if they really want to talk to me, they’ll leave a message (and if they’re a telemarketer...they won’t).  One day I got a message from an unknown number, and they did leave a message.  The message was basically nothing but dead air.  For some reason, I decided to try to find out who the number belonged to, and I came to find out the number belonged to someone who had died six months ago.  Now logically, that probably means someone else has the dead guy’s cell phone now, but it brought up the possibility of a new story.  What if Emma got a phone call from Killian Jones, who she finds out died several months ago...and it isn’t a mistake?  Thus this story was born.

--This story has 4 chapters plus this prologue and epilogue, and the good thing is that it’s already completely written.  This means I can set (and stick to) a posting schedule!  I plan to update this story every Wednesday and Sunday until it’s finished.

--Up next:  Emma gets a strange phone call from an unknown number.  What she finds out about it leads her on a journey that will completely change her life.

                                                                                       Next Chapter-->

[ak47stylegirl]

Doctors Appointment: Chapter 3

Okay guys, here’s the third chapter! I hope you guys enjoy this!!! 😁💙

First two chapters. 

@janetm74 @dragonoffantasyandreality @katblu42 @cg29 @alexthefly @inertplanetary ----

Scott stood with his arms crossed, watching with a worried frown as Alan’s doctor, Dr David, examined his baby brother. At this moment, Dr David was examining Alan’s joints, mainly his arms and legs. 

Alan’s eyes glanced over at Scott.

“Okay, tell me if any of this hurts, okay?” Dr David began to put pressure on Alan’s unbraced leg joints, feeling around with his fingers. 

Alan’s face was scrunched up in discomfort, slightly flinching each time pressure was applied to his limbs.

But then Dr David put pressure on Alan’s ankle joint-

“Ow! Ow!” Alan wailed from where he laid on the bed, tears gathering in his eyes. “Ow! That hurts! Stop!”

Dr David instantly took the pressure off, frowning as he gently examined them further. At the same time, Scott had rushed over to Alan’s side. 

“Shhh, it’s alright….” Scott whispered, brushing his fingers through Alan’s soft blond hair. “It’s alright….” 

Alan whimpered, pouting up at Scott in disagreement. 

Scott’s eyes saddened immensely at the sight, tilting his head slightly in sympathy. Oh, my poor little one…

You never should’ve had to deal with this...

Dr David sighed heavily, catching Scott’s attention in a snap. Scott’s stomach flipped at the deep frown on the doctor’s face as he typed his notes into his tablet. 

Alan’s joints have gotten worse, haven’t they?! 

Oh no, please no! 

Alan struggled enough.

Please...no...

“Well, unfortunately, I can’t see much improvement from last time…” Dr David explained sadly, placing his tablet back down, “There is some stiffness in Alan’s left knee, but overall not much has changed….” 

Scott let loose a sigh of relief, his shoulders dropping. While no improvement wasn’t good, it was better than the other option. 

Oh, so, so much better...

Alan blew out a frustrated breath, “Can...Can I sit up now?” Alan mumbled, looking up at the two adults. 

“Yes, of course….” Dr David nodded. 

Alan slowly sat up with Scott’s help, leaning his head heavily against Scott’s side with a weak groan. 

Scott’s eyes creased in sorrow, lips pressed tightly together as he stroked the back of Alan’s head. 

This was only the first part of the appointment, and Alan’s tolerance was already getting paper-thin. 

It didn't bode well…

Especially seeing as Alan’s appointment was actually multiple appointments.

First, there was the appointment with Dr David, Alan’s main specialist. The team leader of Alan’s health professionals. They had the main ‘check-up’ with Dr David, who checked all the basic things they needed to watch.

After that, Alan was handed over to the pathology lab for tests and scans. That usually took quite a while. 

Alan wasn’t overly fond of some of the tests, to say the least…

But once that was done, Scott and Alan would retire to a private hospital suite for a little break as Alan needed to rest.

Because if Alan didn’t get said nap, there would 100% be a massive meltdown. Like laying on the floor crying his eyes out, refusing to cooperate…

Lots and lots of screaming… 

So yes, Scott very much insisted on that break. 

(Though sometimes, even that didn’t stop the meltdowns from happening…)

The second main appointment of the day was with Dr Suzzy, Alan’s fitness/rehabilitation specialist.

It took place down in the hospital’s rehab gym, where Dr Suzzy would walk through a couple of simple exercises with Alan. Alan actually had a training schedule for home as well, created by both Virgil and Dr Suzzy. 

As their medic, Virgil pulled rank to be the one to help Alan with those exercises. 

Scott tried to help sometimes, but unfortunately, running a business and rescue organisation kept him tied down most of the time...

The guilt plagued him…

Gordon also helped out with those exercises at times, especially if the pool was involved. 

If there were two things that Gordon took deadly seriously, it was pool safety and looking after his only little brother. So you could be damn sure Gordon was going to be there. 

Don’t think you can stop him. He’s a sneaky one, and he bites.

Scott had a faint scar on his arm from a four-year-old Gordon to prove it. (It had happened shortly after mum died, Gordon had been having a bad day… he hadn’t meant it...)

Don’t mess with the Gordo; at times, he’s a cuddly squid and others…

Shark. 

Pure shark.

Anyway, after that appointment, it was onto the final and honestly worst part of the day.

Alan’s treatment. 

It would occur in the same hospital suite as before, with Alan hooked up to an IV containing his medication. It was a slow process, taking an hour or two. Alan typically spent that time cradled up in Scott’s lap, hugging his Thunderbird Three plushie. 

Virgil had gotten it for Alan when he was first diagnosed. 

Scott knew Virgil was tempted to get Alan the Thunderbird Two plushie instead but went with Three as that was Alan’s favourite ship.

Also, that before mentioned Thunderbird Two plushie?

It was sitting pride of place on Virgil’s bed. 

Because-

‘I couldn’t just leave it?! She was looking so sad sitting there!’

While Virgil needing to have the plush version of his bird was understandable, buying the whole store’s supply of plushies was a bit much.

Like seriously, Virg…

Most of those toys got donated to families that couldn’t afford toys or sick children in hospital. 

It ended up being a very good experience for everyone involved…

Virgil had personally gone to the hospitals himself, handing said plushies to the unwell kids himself. 

There were tears…

And the lucky survivors that remained either got a job as an International Rescue’s cuddle operative; tasked with comforting young rescuees.

Or adults, it has definitely happened before... 

And the last few were adopted by Gordon, whose bed was a sea of plushies. 

Scott would never know how Gordon could sleep in that bed…

But it was a pretty adorable sight, he will admit. 

Dr David put his stethoscope in his ears, “Okay, let’s have a little listen to that chest of yours, shall we?” 

The stethoscope was slipped up the back of Alan’s shirt-

“Cold!” Alan squealed, flinching away as the cold metal of the stethoscope touched his skin. “That’s freezing!” 

“Sorry, Alan…” Dr David smiled apologetically. “I’ll warm it up a bit next time, okay?” The stethoscope was placed against Alan’s skin once again.

“Now, deep breath in for me..” 

Alan’s eyes narrowed, a grumpy pout on his face as he took a deep breath. 

Scott sighed wearily, spotting a possible meltdown brewing on the horizon. He didn’t know when it would hit, but Scott knew that it would happen some way or another.

Alan was displaying all the signs…

Dr David moved the stethoscope around a couple of times, each time asking Alan to take a deep breath. By the time the doctor was finished, Alan was slightly out of breath. 

“Well, his heart sounds good, which is always a good thing….” Dr David slipped his stethoscope back around his neck. “But his lungs sound a little wheezy….” 

Scott frowned in concern. 

“Has he been sick in the last week or so?” Dr David asked Scott, once again typing down notes on his tablet. “Cold? Flu?” 

Alan shuttered with a grimace. 

Being completely knocked down with the flu or cold was horrible for anyone. Let alone for someone like Alan, who had a weak immune system…

Scott’s eyes slipped close briefly as he nodded, 

“Yeah…” Scott replied, remembering that week well. “He was unwell with a bad cold about a week and a half ago….” 

It hasn’t been fun... 

“I figured as much,” Dr David remarked, putting his tablet down, “Nothing to be concerned about, as I’m sure Dr Tracy wouldn’t let her grandson out of her care otherwise….”

Scott chuckled in agreement. Grandma was a force to be reckoned with when it came to matters of health. 

And she had a pupil called Virgil. 

“But if it’s not gone by this time next week, I would advise getting it checked….” Dr David suggested as he set up the blood pressure monitor. 

Scott nodded thoughtfully, “Will do….” 

And seeing as they had a doctor in the house, and most of them were trained medics or EMTs, Scott had no doubt that Alan would get the best care possible. 

He would personally make sure of that…

TBC..

[hobbitsnapes]

The heart of the Scout Regiment part 2

A mini Levi Ackerman story

Summary: Since the beginning of the survey corps, not one member has changed the group like she did, if only they knew, what one persons heart, could change them all.

Not every mission goes off without a hitch, there were always times where there was nothing they could do, nothing she could do, to prevent the ever looming death.

There were 2 fallen soldiers today, both that she shed a few tears for each. She had gotten better with it over time, less distraught each time. But there was still a deep pain she felt, for she thought of them as her family.

She did manage to save many others though, but in the process, she injured her left ankle. It wasn’t broken, but she knew as soon as she felt the shooting pain go up her leg, that it was trouble.

It wasn’t as bad as she initially thought, after being checked at by medics, she found out it was just a sprained ankle. She was informed that she’d have to be off that foot for roughly about a week, depending upon how it’s feeling it could be even longer.

With the help of her teammates, she managed to almost completely heal her injury, almost.

She managed to walk almost perfectly fine, but every once in a while, a sharp pain would make her leg shake, causing her to take a small few second break before walking again.

She knew it wasn’t major, but she also couldn’t help but worry, thus, bringing her to where she is now.

She sat between her captain and commander, listening as they talked idly about the next mission in the morning. Her breath caught in her throat, waiting for when she can speak up without interrupting them.

As if Levi could read her mind, he looked down at her, noting her silence during the entire dinner.

“Everything alright?” He asks, making her look up into his eyes. “Of course, why?” “I asked you a question about tomorrow, and you never responded.” He says, voice less commanding than he would to other cadets.

“I actually won’t be making it tomorrow.” His face slightly falls at this, “I’m for the most part all better with my ankle, but once in a while, I’ll have to take a small break if I’m walking or running too fast. I could make it if you really need me to, but I’m worried I’ll be more of a liability if I happen to hurt it further.” He lets a small smile to his face, looking down at her. “It’s fine, take your time to heal completely.” Her heart warms at his words, a light flush dusting her cheeks.

While he disliked that she would be missing another outing, he understood her worries. And, while he genuinely loved having her there by their side, her skills weren’t needed this time.

It was simple, they were being sent out to collect food that was believed to be left in the abandoned homes inside wall Maria.

They were able to map out a route that would hopefully be far from any Titans, if there were any, they were instructed to leave them be unless absolutely necessary.

Due to the harsh winter, it had become harder to transport food to the scouts, and many feared of the coming blizzards that would hinder any transportation.

Thus, they were going out to collect any and all cans goods they could find, just in the case that they needed it. Simple.

Her arms wrapped tightly around the pair that she’s now called her children, her three Munchkins as she calls them.

Even with all of them towering over her, she still managed to wrap them all in a group hug like it’d be the last time they saw each other again.

She knew how simple this mission was, that they would be back before she knew it, but the fear of them getting lost, hurt, or worse, clouded her mind and rang in her heart as she clutched them all together.

“Please, be safe guys.” She says, all of their eyes looking at her in question. She rolls her eyes at their confused expressions. “I know that’s idiotic to say with this job but, you you guys get what mean you aren’t stupid.” This makes all of them laugh, their heads turning when they heard another, more deep laugh approaching them. “Well I don’t know about that Y/N. They can all be rather slow at times.” Levi says, a faint line of a smirk on his lips.

Her arms wrap securely around his neck, head rested against his shoulder.

His arms wrap around the bottom of her back, nose in her hair as he breathes in the smell of spearmint from her hair wash.

“Please be careful, and come back in one piece.” She mumbled, tears brimming her eyes. “You know I’ll always make it back,” he says, heart throbbing in his chest as he hears how horse her voice is. “I know, but it still scares me cause I’m not there to protect you all.” She admits, pulling away from his shoulder as she looks into his steel eyes. “Were not going anywhere near any Titans, we’ve done things like this before and were perfectly fine. Well make it back before nightfall. Trust me.” He says, eyes looking into hers. Her heart warms in her chest at his words, a faint smile on her lips. “Alright, I trust you.”

Time seemed to drag on most of the day, her attention being on the sky above and looking out front, waiting to see their horses trucking back.

But as the sun fell and a dark curtain to cascade over the sky, her heart grew heavier with worry when there were no sight of the men.

Maybe they won’t be back until later in the night she thought, hoping that was just the case. Maybe they managed to find other things they needed so it was harder to bring back. They’ll be back by morning she hoped, that night in her knees praying, asking God to make sure they make it back.

Her heart sank in her chest when she got up that next morning, not seeing any of the horses in their stables, or anyone of them back in the large castle.

She hurried to Erwin's office, seeing him sat at his table as she entered. “Commander?” She asks, standing at his door, waiting for him to greet her. “Hm, oh yes, come in.” He says, eyes looking up from his papers.

“Have, you heard anything from the group that were sent out yesterday morning?” She asks, worry etched in her tone. A sigh leaves his lips, eyes looking back down to his papers. “We haven’t heard anything from them yet. But there’s nothing to worry about, they probably got caught in a storm and took refuge in an abandoned building for the night, they’ll be back soon.”

Soon seemed to be further than she had hoped, her mind clouding with thoughts of where they could be. Were they stuck? Did their horses run off? Did they have a run in with a group of Titans? Are they okay?

Thoughts growing only worse as the day grows on, fear bubbling up so much she felt sick that night as she prayed, tears in her eyes as she pleaded for their return.

Fear twisted her stomach as soon as she woke, hurily getting up from her bed as she looked out her window, feeling her empty stomach twist when she again, saw an empty stable.

Her feet carried her to his office, eyes trained forward as she marched to him.

It had been days, 3 to be exact since they left. She knew sometimes they took longer than planned, especially with the ever worsening weather. But she wasn’t just going to stay inside this castle like a frail princess like she red about as a child, waiting for their return.

Her fists harshly hit against his door, hearing a faint come in from behind it. Her stomach shaking.

“Again, we haven’t heard anything. You’ll be one of the firsts to know cadet.” He says as soon as she enters, not even bothering to let her ask.

“I know, that’s why I’m going out to find them.” She says, arms crossed over her chest, voice harsh as she stares at him.

His head abruptly looking up from his papers, “absolutely not cadet. That’s not only irrational to even think about, but absolutely mad to do.” “And I don’t care. They were only supposed to be gone for a day, it’s been 3 now with no word whatsoever on their condition. I’m going out and that’s on my own accord commander.” She bites back, voice just as harsh as his.

There were few times she used the tone, even fewer with the commander. But if there’s one thing that she cares more about than her life, it was those she called family. She would fight tooth and nail for them, no matter the cost.

“Do you have any idea how idiotic that would be? To go out there looking for them in this weather? What’s gotten into you?” He says, voice harsh as he stares her down.

A faint tear collects in her eyes as she visibly shakes, “you don’t think I know that? I lived in this weather as a child until I was a teen. And how dare you ask what’s gotten into me? My family, my children are out there in this weather. They are the only thing I’ve got left because my actual family died in this kind of weather. So sorry I’m concerned for them unlike you. I’m.going.”

He lets out a sigh as he rests his head in his hand, “fine, I apologize for my words. But if you are set on going, wait for morning is all I ask. Wait for sunrise tomorrow.” She lets out a deep sigh at his words, body less rigid. “Fine.”

Tears prick her eyes as she grabs the small box, opening it as tears fall down her cheeks.

There in a small frame, is a photo of a young boy, an older man who’s beard had yet to turn grey, and a frail, small woman, with a warm smile that made her eyes shine. And in the middle of them, was her.

Her parents had met as teens, falling in love at first sight and spent many years together before they bared a son, her older brother, Jeremiah.

They had her some 3 years later, a perfect family that were filled with warm hugs, kisses to their foreheads everyday, words of love every chance they could say it.

They didn’t have much, only living in a one bedroom apartment their entire lives, their parents sharing a small twin bed in what was the storage room, while her and her brother shared another in the small living room, a small kitchen, bathroom, and fireplace. It was enough though, they never were sad, or had any reason to be anything but happy.

She doesn’t have many memories of her mum, heart breaking every time she thinks of why.

Her mum worked down stares at a small diner, being the sole breadwinner due to her father being almost completely crippled due to a disease he had as a child.

It was winter, and the diner was full almost every night, her mum working long nights cooking, trying to bring in money to feed her family.

It all happened in a blur, only bits of her memory still remain from the next month. One of the worst of her life.

She was only 5 when her mum started growing ill, a nasty cough that she always shielded from her kids and husband. None of them thought it was bad, until one day she started coughing up blood, the fear in both her parents eyes as they realized what that meant, neither one of the kids knowing what had become of their beloved mummy.

She spent the next month away from all of them, locking herself in her bedroom. The young girl and boy not knowing the reason, not until later on when their father told them. She didn’t want to tell them because she knew, she wouldn’t make it.

And on one cold, December day, the coughing stopped.

The kids were overjoyed, thinking that their precious mummy was back to health and would hug her kids closely, kissing them on the forehead as she told them another fairytale.

What they didn’t know, was their mummy wasn’t all better, but rather, she couldn’t fight anymore, and let the hands of God take her soul to watch over them.

The wailes from their father as he finds his deceased wife will haunt her forever, the sound of his heart breaking as they ran in, to see their pale, sickly looking mother whose hair was matted, with blood soaking her night dress and face, tears streaming from their fathers eyes, as their small hearts broke too.

The next year again, a daily blue in her mind, as the months dragged on, until they were thrown out, none of them making enough money to stay in the place they once called home.

The next 6 months, she rememberes vividly. How cold the outside was, how people looked down at the frail children as their father did anything he could to to bring food to them every few days.

Her father never stopped loving them though, the harshness he had been dealt never chilled his heart. He still held them each night, hugging them every time he would come back, kisses to their foreheads with words of love each time he spoke to them.

It was cold, colder than any other night prior, as the three huddled around a small fire, arms clutched together as they try staying warm in the small alleyway they called home.

She remembered waking up that morning, eyes crusted over from her lashes being frozen from tears, her body feeling the coldest it had ever felt.

She tried wiggling to move, but was unable to as she saw her brothers and fathers arms enclosed around her, a small cocoon around her.

“Daddy, Jerey?” She asked, small voice hushed due to her tiredness.

She wished she hadn’t looked up, wished she didn’t see their blue, frozen faces looking down at her. A scream ripping from her throat as she looked into the closed eyes of the only family she had left, a painful reminder that, nobody is forever, that eventually, everything and everyone will die, and there’s nothing to do but to love them, as they are still alive.

She maybe got an hour of sleep, waking up every hour, looking outside and only seeing the dark sky, before rolling back over, trying to fall back asleep.

She finally decided to give up on going back to sleep, having been tossing and turning for a while.

She quickly got on her gear, reading herself and taking a tad longer than normal as to buy time before the sun could rise.

It was as if time stopped, her breath being caught in her throat as she looked out. In the mist of a heavy curtain of snow and darkness, she saw it.

Never had she ran so fast down the long stairwell, nearly jumping through them as she ran for the front doors, her heart hammering in her chest as tears clouded her vision.

As soon as she saw them, she sprinted even faster, tears nearly breaking over her eyes as she saw the shocked looks on their faces.

“MA!” Armin screamed, all 3 of them running into her warm arms. Tears finally breaking as she sobs, clutching all 3 of them as tightly as she could.

“Oh my gosh you’re okay” she sobbed, shaking in their arms as sobs wracked her body. She can’t remember the last time she held them all so close, the feeling of her heart soaring in her chest at the knowledge that they’re back and okay.

She hugged everyone close as they came in, tears soaking her face each time she pulled them in.

There was one person that she was hoping would come next, but as the numbers grew smaller, worry struck her. Was he okay? Where is he? She wondered, her heart throbbing in her chest at the mere thought that he wasn’t there.

A breath she didn’t know she was holding let out when she finally saw him. He was trailed behind everyone, tears collecting in her eyes again as she ran over to him.

She clutched him as close as she could, wrapping her arms around his Frigid body. He slightly shook in her arms, the feeling of warmth finally nearly making him collapse. “I was so scared something happened.” She whispered in his shoulder, tears falling down her cheeks. “You know I’ll always make sure we make it back, I’ll never do that to you Y/N”

Never had they seen her run so fast before, having a hard time keeping up with her small body as she ran from different rooms, collecting blankets as they all huddled around the fireplace. She resembled a chicken with its head cut off, nearly making some laugh out.

They all sat around the fire, blankets wrapped with only their heads peeking out from them. She had ran and made an emergency soup for all of them, astonishing most with how quickly she prepared it. And how much it warmed them up.

“Alright, what happened? You guys were supposed to be back days ago?” She asked, eyes searching around all of them.

Jean let out a sigh, setting his now empty dish down.

“We managed to grab a lot that day, more than we thought we would find. So it took us a while. Well, we didn’t plan for a blizzard to hit us in the middle of the day. So, we all managed to find a house that wasn’t completely torn to shreds and decided to camp out for the night. We thought we’d be back by the next day. When we got up the next morning, we saw that, all the horses froze to death, even with all the blankets we had they were all dead. We were so far out, and with the blizzard only getting worse, we had to leave almost everything we found, and walk back.”

Tears pricked her eyes as she listened, thanking the Lord that they all made it back okay. Well, almost all. Her eyes couldn’t help but look over to Levi, seeing him closest to the fire, shaking as his nose ran.

As she walked back to her room, her head whipped to the side when she heard it. A deep, painfully loud cough was heard in his office. She knew he wasn’t well, seeing the look in his eyes and how weak he looked. He hardly even ate the soup she made, nearly dropping the spoon multiple times.

She didn’t even bother to knock, knowing that he either wouldn’t hear it, or be able to respond due to the coughing fit he was having.

“Hey hey hey, get it all out.” She soothed, instantly going behind him and rubbing his back. Grabbing a tissue, placing it over his mouth as she felt him spit up the large mucus bubble from his throat.

He let out a pained groan, eyes watering as she wiped his face from all the mucus. He was hunched in his chair, papers moved to the side as to not get anything on them. His entire body felt scorching hot, nearly making her heat up herself. “Come on, let’s get you out of these clothes and into bed.” He tried protesting, but she hardly listened as she grabbed him, slowly moving him to his adjoined room.

“I’ve got, paperwork I need to get done Y/N” he groaned, but still kept on walking with her. “And they can wait, right now you need to get under some covers and rest.”

He didn’t protest again, finally giving up when she brought him in his room.

She sat him on his bed, quickly running to shut the door so no heat could escape.

She started with his boots, stripping them from his body as she slowly worked up, having to catch him a few times when his head hung too low.

She managed to strip everything but his undergarments off, a flush to her cheeks as she looked at his chiseled, fair body.

She managed to rip her mind from the feel of his soft skin when he let out a pained groan, his head in his hands as he rubbed his temples.

She delayed him down on his bed, pulling the covers away from his still scorching body. A pleasant groan leaving his lips when his body met his bed, body finally somewhat relaxing in days. A small smile on his lips.

That smile quickly morphing into a grimace when he touched his face, feeling the sweat dampening his entire body. “I feel fucking disgusting.” He groaned, voice sounding pained and muffled due to his stuffed nose. “It’s just sweat hun, you’re running a fever and it’s finally breaking.” She said, voice calming him slightly. “Doesn’t help that I still feel wet and sticky.” He said, eyes shut as to not let any of it get in his sore eyes.

She quickly left the room, running down the hall to the washroom.

She quickly came back in, his heart fluttering in his chest when he saw her and what she brought.

Clutched in her hands were a medium sized basin, a bar of soap and a washcloth. She sat it down on his table by his bed, grabbing a chair to sit in.

“I’m just gonna wash you up a bit okay, just to get all the sweat off.” She says, dampening the cloth and soap. “You don’t have to do this.” He whispered, but again, he never stopped her as she brought the cloth to him. “I know, but I want to.” She replied, a smile on her face.

A pleasant groan left his lips when she started washing his clammy stomach, feeling himself relax even further at the feel of the cloth cleaning his skin. The feel of her hands running over his skin so gently made his heart thud wildly in his chest, eyes shutting as he focused on her soft touch.

She slowly washed all of his stomach, legs, arms, now traveling up his chest and on his neck. A faint flush dusted her cheeks as she looked at his calm face, his eyes shut.

She re dampened the cloth, making sure there’s a new layer of sudds as she slowly washed over his face. A groan leaving his shut lips as she slowly washed his cheeks. A small chuckle leaving her lips. “You enjoying yourself there?” She teased, making him let out a small chuckle. “If trucking through Jack frost's backyard got me to be washed down like this, I’d do it every weekend.” He said, causing both of them to let out laughs.

Her laugh quickly stopped as her heart pained in her chest, as his body hunched over the side of the bed, hand over his chest as he coughed painfully.

Her hand rubbed at his back again, hair holding his hair from his eyes as he struggled to stop.

Her heart throbbing in her chest when she heard him struggling to breathe, now weezing out as he tried regaining air into his lungs.

“Hey hey hey sit up come on.”she quickly grabbed a hold of his chin, gently pulling him up. He finally regained air as he huffed, face flushed as tears left his eyes from the violent coughing.

Tears collected in her eyes when she looked at him, her heart burning in her chest as she watched him have a hard time breathing. “You really should go to medic hun.” She pleaded, his eyes looking into her glossy ones. “It’s pointless Y/N, they won’t be able to do anything to help me.” His voice was shaky, sounding exhausted as he shut his eyes. “Yes but they can watch over you, make sure you’re breathing alright. I’m worried if you fall asleep, you’ll-“ “It’s not what you think it is. It’s probably just a cold from being in the blizzard. I get sick really easily, my immune system is absolutely shot from how I grew up. It’s nothing what you’re thinking.” Tears now falling down her cheeks, making his chest throb in pain. “I know it’s not, but I’m still afraid of when you fall asleep.” She said, voice strained from crying. He let out a sigh, looking into her eyes as he wiped her cheeks. “Then stay.” “What?” She asked, head slightly tilted at his words. “If you're so worried about me, why not just stay. I could use the extra heat, if that’s okay with you?” He asks, eyes looking away from hers. His heart beating rapidly in his chest. A small smile grows on her lips. “Alright.”

He moved closer to the wall, letting her body get under the covers with him. He had given her one of his shirts to wear, head turned away from her as to give her privacy as she changed.

Both their hearts hammered in their chests, as she brought his head to rest against her clothed breasts. A sigh leaving his lips as he wraps his arms around her torso.

Her arms wrapped around his body, one drawing soft lines over his back, as the other cards through his greasy hair.

“Thank you.” He mumbles, eyes shut as he nearly falls under. A soft smile on her face as she looks down at him. “You’re welcome, I’ll always be here to take care of you kitty.” And with that, he finally lets himself fall under sleep, breaths evening out. She kisses the top of his head, eyes finally shutting herself.

[startanewdream]

Teenage behaviour

For @sweeethinny​ ‘s amazing prompt: ‘Instead of Harry seeing Molly's boggart, he sees Lily's, and faces him and his father dead on the floor, while his mother panics’.

Thanks again for this prompt! I always love to explore Lily and Harry’s relationship!

Read on AO3 or below the cut:

______________________________

Harry's smile doesn't reach his eyes.

Lily has been stealing glances in his direction all night, ever since she got home from her shift, and even though he is talking and eating and acting normal, she can see there is something restrained about him.

She looks around, trying to understand what is dampening his mood - not that it would need much lately, but still, he should be more thrilled about returning to Hogwarts tomorrow, especially considering their fear that he would be expelled. Everything seems normal, though. The kitchen is full of people talking and drinking, enjoying that last-minute party, and everyone's mood seems better than usual. She sees Ron listing the qualities of his new broom to Tonks, while Hermione is talking with Remus about her project of rights for house-elves. Both Ron and Hermione are still beaming because of today’s news.

She raises her eyes to the banner Molly hanged over the dinner table. That brings a warm smile to her lips; Molly had sounded more cheerful than Lily had seen her all summer when she had told proudly of Ron being made a prefect.

Then her eyes fall on Harry again. He is looking wistfully at the banner, with just a hint of guilt shining in his eyes.

Understanding hits her.

He wanted to be a prefect.

That doesn't make much sense for her, considering how Harry always inspired himself in James and how much Harry doesn’t seem to particularly care for authority figures, but there is disappointment and hurt in his eyes, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

Maybe it was some expectation that Dumbledore would choose him? Or he feels that people don’t trust him anymore? Or maybe he is feeling like he let his parents down for not being a prefect?

Whatever it is, she will have to do something about it. This would be easier if James was there that night - Harry does have a tendency to always hear whatever his dad says -, but since he is away on Order duty tonight, Lily will handle it alone. 

She looks around once more before locating Sirius and Ginny talking animatedly to each other; they are close enough to Harry so he will be able to hear them talking, so she approaches them.

‘Aubrey’s head was twice the normal size’, Sirius is saying, opening his hands to emphasize it, almost hitting Lily. ‘Oh, sorry, Lily’.

‘No harm done’, she says lightly. ‘Are you telling the infamous balloon head prank?’

‘I will let you know it’s one of the best Marauders pranks to date’, Sirius replies, seeming very proud of himself.

‘Don’t believe him, they originally wanted Aubrey’s head to shrink’, she tells Ginny conspiringly, making Ginny smirk. ‘And they didn’t even try to hide it, it led them directly into detention. No wonder you never made prefect’.

She knows Harry is looking in their direction, but she pretends to not notice.

‘Can you imagine, you and James as prefects?’

Sirius shudders, putting his hands over his heart and looking properly scandalous, just as Lily knew he would be.

‘We would never! Plus we would have to give ourselves detentions on a daily basis’.

‘Like Remus ever gave you any’, she scoffs playfully.

‘Well, he could turn a blind eye on us sometimes. Ok, most of the time’, Sirius concedes when Lily just raises her eyebrows. ‘But I remember a certain Head Girl doing the same’.

Lily laughs shamelessly.

‘If I didn’t catch you, how could I do anything? And with James as Head Boy, you certainly learned to avoid being caught’.

‘It sure helps when your best friend is Head Boy and decides the patrolling routes’, Sirius agrees, grinning.

‘Hang on’, Ginny says, frowning. ‘James was a Head Boy? Your James?’

Lily sees Harry joining their circle and she smiles to herself.

‘Yeah, we were as shocked as you when we found out’, says Sirius dramatically.

‘But he wasn’t a prefect -’

‘Head Boy and Head Girl may have been prefects, but if the headmaster thinks someone else should be, he can choose’, Lily explains. ‘It doesn’t matter whether you were a prefect or not, as long as you are responsible and trusting, really’.

‘You know, that was the only time I really considered telling Dumbledore we were animagi - we couldn’t let him think James was responsible -’

‘Come on’, Lily says fairly. ‘He had improved a lot by our seventh year, it made sense he would be a Head Boy’.

‘Oh, don’t tell my mum that’, Ginny pleads in a hushed whisper. ‘There is no way I will be a prefect next year, but then she might hope I get sense enough to be a Head Girl’. Ginny turns to Harry, shaking her head in fake panic, and Harry lets out an amused laugh.

They all laugh then, and Lily feels good when she sees Harry is more relaxed now as if remembering his father wasn’t prefect either is enough to raise his spirits.

She doesn’t say it and she doesn’t really mind, but she thinks Harry could be a Head Boy in a couple of years. Harry does have the leadership she saw in James in their last year at Hogwarts, even if he doesn’t mind breaking the rules now and then. But if he is not chosen, that will be fine for her too.

Lily hopes Harry understands this.

She shares a drink with Sirius, who is still telling adventures of the Marauders to Ginny, while keeping an eye on Harry. He drifts off to talk with Fred and George and Mundungus - a trio that speaks of trouble for her -, then he leaves them to sit on a chair, pretending to be busy drinking a butterbeer. His face is troubled once more and Lily resists the urge to sigh.

Harry’s changes of mood are more erratic than she can deal with these days. She always thought Death Eaters and bigotry would be the biggest challenges in her life, but now she thinks understanding teenage behaviour is much more difficult.

She throws a sympathetic look at Molly, who is yawning now, admiring the fact that Molly dealt with that seven times.

‘Oh, sorry, Lily’, Molly says, flushing. ‘I just woke up so early today…’

Lily smiles.

‘Go get some rest, Molly. I patch things up here later’. And when Molly opens her mouth, looking worried, Lily smiles. ‘I won’t let them stay up late, I promise’.

‘Thank you, dear. I am really tired… I’ll just sort out that boggart before I turn in -’

‘No, no, let me’, Lily offers. ‘Is that thing shaking the cabinet in the drawing room?’

‘Yes, Alastor confirmed to me tonight it’s a boggart’.

‘That’s on me then. Go rest’, Lily insists. ‘You already made too much today - helping to sort out that last-minute shopping list, this nice dinner. I’ll handle the boggart later, I will have to wait for James to come home anyway’.

Molly looks at her with a knowing expression.

‘I can never sleep before Arthur returns too’, she murmurs, and Lily is familiar with the fear shining in Molly’s brown eyes.

‘Everything is going to be okay’, she says calmly, even though they both know it is an empty promise. 

Molly bides her good night and Lily watches her go.

It really must be more difficult for her, Lily thinks. Seven children, one of them not talking with the family, and Molly already lost her two brothers in the first war. That makes the Weasley braver than her and James, she ponders; they aren’t hunted. They are choosing to be part of this war.

They really are the best family. She thanks silently the day Harry decided to sit together with Ron on the Hogwarts Express.

Speaking of her son, Mad-Eye is talking to him, showing him something, and even though Alastor looks as delighted as he can be, Harry seems to be sick.

Lily turns in his direction, determined to fix the situation again, but before she can reach them, Sirius distracts Mad-Eye and Harry escapes, crossing the kitchen in quick steps and slipping through the door before anyone can talk to him.

Great.

She walks to Mad-Eye and sees he is showing around an old photograph of the first Order of the Phoenix, that finally comes to her hand. Lily looks at herself, smiling hand-in-hand with James, and is startled to see how young they both look. Well, not just them. Everyone.

And those who are not here anymore look even younger.

She sees Marlene’s grin and Dorcas’s wistful smile and longing burns inside her for those evenings talking in the Common Room, for their girl’s night out after ending Hogwarts, for all the plans they made. They are so happy and hopeful in her memories, blissful to the fact Dorcas would face Voldemort alone, or that Marlene and all her family would perish in a fire.

She never said goodbye to any of them.

‘What were you talking about with Harry, Alastor?’, she asks in a quiet voice, returning the photo to him as if the distance can lessen the pain that photograph brings to her. She feels a little bit mad at him for bringing this photo to a party.

It’s not like she can or wants to forget all of those who died - it’s just she did not expect to see the reminder of all they lost so suddenly...

‘Just showing the boy the original group. Thought he might like it - so many stories to tell’.

Lily wonders if he told Harry the tragic end of most of those stories and she grimaces at the thought.

Harry doesn’t return so, after a while, Lily leaves the kitchen too. People are still talking animatedly and there are still a few minutes before she will have to break the party. But Lily doesn’t feel like chatting right now, so she may as well get things done. She considers going to see Harry, to check if his things are all packed for tomorrow, but he probably doesn’t want company. He is like her in that sense; prefers to be left alone to brood.

She enters the drawing room, looking around with mild interest. The children did make a good job cleaning everything up, but Grimmauld Place will never seem a happy place. Too many bad memories and dark thoughts, she thinks, as Kreacher passes behind herself, mumbling to himself and glaring at her.

Sirius forbade him of saying mudblood, but she only needs to look him in the eyes to feel the word.

There is nothing she can do about it and Lily prefers to fix on the problems she can solve anyway.

The cabinet close to the window is giving small jumps as if it’s alive. She walks to it, her mind already fixed on the remembrance of Aubrey with that big balloon head (he had really been a jerk and James and Sirius had pranked him for harassing first years muggle-borns, so she hadn’t mind laughing that time), and takes out her wand.

‘Alohomora!’

The cabinet opens and, appearing out of thin air, she sees James holding Harry as a baby, both lying in the ground, with eyes closed, pale and still. Dead.

They are dead.

Her heart beats faster and her mouth is suddenly dry, even as Lily knows this is just the boggart. It feels more like a dream, though, so she stays still for a few seconds, watching her husband and son’s corpses with a strange detachment. She really thought it would be just a dementor - and she would be ready for it this time.

But Lily supposes the memories that the dementor had arisen activated the true fear she had felt that night - that James and Harry would die while everything she could do was to watch hopelessly. Like she is doing now.

The fear creeps through her mind like smoke she can’t help but inhale, and that smoke makes her head light and dizzy, creating images in her head. She pictures how her life would be if that had happened, if Lily had taken Voldemort’s offer to stand aside while he murdered her husband and son and she was left alone. 

And lost. 

She wonders what she would have done and it’s surprisingly easy to answer. Find and kill Pettigrew, for starters, because there would be no James to hate him more than her and no son to give her other priorities. Then she would go after Voldemort; she would not rest until he was dead, no matter the cost. The boy-who-lived would be replaced by the mother-who-killed.

But then - and that is the scariest part - there would be nothing. No reason to live for. Her days would be empty and pointless, forever missing the two people she had most loved and knowing no vengeance would ever fill that hole…

‘Mum?’, she hears a voice asking, and for a moment Lily can’t really match the voice to anyone, certain she had never heard it before, that he died when he was just a baby -

She turns slowly to find Harry - her living son - at the door, looking at the dead bodies on the floor, then at her.

‘It’s a boggart’, Harry realizes. ‘Don’t - get out of here - let someone else -’

Harry looks worried for her. Somehow, this clears the smoke in her head. Lily steadies her hand and looks back at the corpses lying on the floor with nothing but determination.

‘Riddikulus!’, she says loud and clear, and the boggart turns into a man with a big blue balloon in the place of his head. Lily lets out a nervous laugh and the boggart vanishes in a puff of smoke.

Her heart is still beating faster, so Lily takes a moment to calm herself, to let all those bad feelings slip out of her; she almost jumps when she feels Harry’s hand on her shoulder. She had not heard him walking to her. 

'Mum?’, he calls very quietly. ‘Are you ok?’

'It was just a stupid boggart, Harry', she says, forcing herself to smile at him. Harry is frowning, seeing through her empty smile just as she sees through his. 'Just go to bed, tomorrow is -'

'Do you always see us?', he asks in a hushed whisper, ignoring her dismissal. 'I mean - that -'

He stops, unable to continue, and Lily feels a sudden urge to just tell him it was nothing and to let it go. She knows Harry would hate it, but he also would respect her desire to be left alone with her thoughts and fears.

But since all she’s been asking of her son lately is that he talks to her, Lily supposes she has to set the example.

'Sometimes, yes’, she admits in a low voice. ‘At other times it’s a dementor. But it’s all related to the same thing, really’.

Harry looks deep in thought and he stares at the point where the bodies were.

'It was me as a baby', he says, and Lily nods. 'But - why? I mean, I lived’.

She sighs once more and sits on the couch.

'Come here', she asks, and Harry sits opposite to her on the same couch, his legs crossed just like he used to do when he was young and was listening to one of her bedtime stories, except this time most of his leg is out of the couch. That makes her feel strangely comforted, even if she feels her eyes tearing up a little. ‘You grew up so fast’.

‘Mum -’, he starts, looking half-embarrassed as he always does when James or Lily start remembering him as a kid.

‘I am saying it like a good thing’, she promises. ‘I just feel so lucky to have witnessed it all’.

Harry seems confused.

‘Lucky?’

She looks away to where the boggart was on the floor.

‘When I think about that night - the one where you got your scar - I always remember how close we were to lose everything. How you were almost… you and James…’

‘But it didn’t happen’, he says forcefully. ‘We all survived’.

‘Yes, but back then, at the time - I didn’t think we would make it. I really thought… I really lost hope for a moment. Sometimes I still dream of that night, but my worst nightmares are… of that’. She points to the floor. ‘If somehow you and James were gone and I was left alone -’

She can’t continue. Harry breathes heavily.

‘You wouldn’t be alone, I mean, you would still have Remus and Sirius, they -’

‘Harry’, she interrupts him softly, looking back at him. He already seems distraught, but she has to make him understand. ‘I love them, of course, but how would it be if I and your father had died then? If you were raised by Remus and Sirius?’

He stays silent for a moment and Lily can see him picturing all that alternative life. Lily supposes Sirius as a figure parent is an amusing idea, but Harry doesn’t smile for a second.

‘It would never be enough’, he whispers at least. ‘They would never replace you’.

‘They would never try to, I am sure, but... This is it. A life without you and your father would be just - just empty for me. And that’s what I fear the most. That I would be too weak that night and that I had to watch you both dying’.

‘You are strong’, Harry says resolutely, grabbing her hand and squeezing it, though Lily can’t tell if he is doing that for her sake or his own, to also confirm to him that everything is alright. ‘I - I heard what happened’.

‘What do you mean?’

Harry looks abashed, and he lowers his eyes.

'That’s why dementors hit me so hard. The thing I hear when they are near… It’s that night. Bits of it, but I hear... You and Voldemort. You plead for me, and he - he laughs and tells you to stand aside, but you refuse. You always refuse’.

Lily blinks, feeling the blood leaving her face.

'You never said anything’.

'I didn't want to upset you', Harry whispers. 'I know you don't like remembering it'.

She gives him a tiny smile despite everything. She never told him about her own worries, but Harry probably noticed how even though she didn't have any problem explaining about Voldemort, only James would talk to him about that Halloween night.

Harry sees more than people give him credit for.

'You could have told me', she says softly. 'It is not your job to worry about me, Harry'.

'But I do', he admits. 'I don't want anything to happen to you'.

There is a desperation in his voice now, like if he is really afraid something could happen with her and, with a jolt, Lily realizes they never really talked about what happened earlier that month, about how Harry drew away the dementors from her.

About how he needed to do it because she had frozen.

'I am sorry to have scared you', she says tenderly.

'It's not - I wasn't really scared with that boggart'.

Lily believes him. Harry seems to think his father is invincible and he is too selfless to regard his own death as something to be afraid of.

'I meant about the dementors a few weeks ago. And if somehow you thought I couldn't handle that boggart right now'.

Harry blinks.

'I didn't think that', he says slowly, and Lily knows he is considering his own feelings on the matter. 'I mean - I know what you are capable of'.

'I just don't want you thinking that you need to take care of me. I am the parent here. That's my job'.

'I don’t want to lose you’, he whispers guiltily, as if somehow even thinking about it should be wrong. ‘I wouldn’t - I don’t know how I could cope if -’

Harry looks so fragile right now that she does the simplest thing. She stretches her legs, in an offer, and Harry lies down, placing his head on her lap, allowing her to caress his hair like she used to do when he was young, until he would fall asleep.

‘I won’t live forever, Harry’, she says softly. ‘Someday you will be without me - and really, that’s what I hope for’. When he looks startled, she adds with a smile: ‘That you get to live longer than me. That you get a full happy life’.

‘It will only be happy if you are there’, he insists. ‘You and dad. You -’, he stops, closing his eyes as if he doesn’t want her to see more of his emotions than he is already letting it show on his voice. ‘You need to be careful. I know you are good, but - sometimes people are just in the wrong place in the wrong time’.

She knows what he is talking about and she remembers seeing Harry and Cedric Diggory leaving together for the Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament, both looking thrilled that it would be over soon and that one of them might win the Tournament.

And she remembers when they all noticed something was off, when there were whispers of a dead champion and how she had feared so much that it would be Harry… And the guilt she’d felt later when she was just relieved that it wasn’t him.

The good die young, her mother used to say somberly when she saw news of a tragedy.

Lily thinks about the photograph of the old Order, of hope and dreams that mattered none when the people were dead, and she finally understands what upset Harry enough to make him leave the dining party.

‘Moody told you what happened with people from the first Order of the Phoenix’, she says.

Harry bits his lips, looking away from her.

‘I can’t promise you me and your father will make it through this war, Harry’, she says slowly, wishing she could lie to him about it. ‘But I can assure you that we will make everything we can to live… and if not, we will always be with you, you do know that, right?’

She touches his chest, right above his heart, and Harry trembles.

‘I know’, he concedes at least, but there is sorrow in his eyes. Then he looks back at her. ‘Moody told me about the Prewetts and Benjy and the Longbottoms and… I recognized Marlene from that photo in your office. You never told me her whole family had died too’.

‘It was just too painful’, Lily sighs. ‘It was just after your first birthday, when we were already hiding and I remember thinking... maybe I should have done something, I should have protected her -’

‘It was not your fault!’, Harry cries, looking appalled that she feels like that.

Lily refrains herself of pointing out the irony there.

‘I know. It’s Voldemort’s fault’, she pauses, looking at the eyes that are a mirror to hers. ‘Everything that happened. Blame him, blame the people who think like him and allow him to ascend to power, but never blame anyone else’.

Harry blinks and doesn’t answer her. 

‘We are better prepared this time’, she tells him, still playing with his hair gently. ‘It will not be like in the First War - we started too late then and we were too few. Now - now we have a better idea of what we need to do, of what he’s after -’

‘The weapon’, he says, and Lily remembers their first night in Grimmauld Place and what little they had told Harry. They never really said it was a weapon, but if Harry thought so, it was for the better.

He didn’t need to hear about that prophecy, not yet. It would give him the wrong ideas probably.

‘Among other things’, she says vaguely. 

He sits again, looking rather upset at her.

‘You really won’t tell me?’

‘That’s not your burden to care, Harry. Not now. I know you don’t like to hear that and I know you don’t think it’s fair, but… when you are older. Of age, at least. After school. If there is still a war going on then… then we can talk about you joining the Order and knowing things’.

Harry doesn’t look like he believes her. ‘You would just not care if I joined the Order? Simple as that?’

‘I will care’, she guarantees, running a hand nervously through her hair as James would have done. ‘But I won’t forbid you. No one forbade me, it wouldn’t be fair if I tried to stop you’.

He still looks suspiciously, but Lily just returns his gaze without blinking. She is telling him the truth; sure, she will do everything she can so that Voldemort can be finished before he is of age, but if he is seventeen and the war is still happening, she knows she won’t be able to stop him.

Like her, Harry never refrains from doing the right thing and she taught him to never stand for prejudice.

‘And until then? What do I do? Just sit here waiting?’, he asks, but for once he doesn’t sound like he is fighting with her.

‘Of course not. You can study’. When Harry grimaces, she smiles. ‘Everything you do in school is important. Every lesson - yeah, even Potions, don’t give me that look. You study and you use it to prepare yourself. Not just you, but Ron and Hermione too. All of you must be ready for what happens outside. Life won’t be like in school all the time, where you know when a spell will hit you or that when the bell rings you are safe’.

Harry bits his lips, looking thoughtful.

‘I know it’s not. I mean - for the Triwizard Tournament I learned a lot of spells and how to cast them, but - when it comes to the real thing, when -’, he takes a deep breath. ‘- when I was in the graveyard with Voldemort, it’s not like in school. It’s just your guts and instinct and - and trying to survive’.

This is the most Harry has said about the night of Voldemort’s resurrection to her and, for the first time, Lily wonders if she really wants to know. Just thinking about the desperation he must have felt fighting for his life…

He survived, she tells herself. You won’t be able to keep him under your wings forever, so you give him all the skills you can. You make sure he will be ready.

‘That is it, Harry. Promise you will take your studies seriously this year. Not just because of the OWLs, but because you know what’s happening out here, even if everyone else is denying it’.

He looks solemnly as he gives a tiny nod to her.

‘I will. And I will make sure others are prepared too. I - I don’t want - what happened to Cedric - to ever happen again’.

She smiles serenely to him, even as she remembers Amos Diggory’s cries and thinks darkly he won’t be the last parent to despair for his child in this war.

The good die young.

‘Are you going to stay here?’, he asks, distracting her from her grim thoughts. Lily sighs.

‘No, I promised Molly I would make sure everyone is in their bed not too late. You know how chaotic September 1st can be. And then -’

‘Then?’

‘I will just stay up a little bit longer’.

Harry looks at her as if he can see all that she is not telling him.

‘Dad will be home late?’ he asks, though it doesn’t really seem a question. Lily just sighs, confirming it. ‘I could keep you company’.

Lily smiles more warmly now.

‘You can go rest, Harry, it’s no problem. I’ll just make myself a tea and wait in the kitchen’.

‘I’m not sleepy’, he assures her. ‘I haven’t been sleeping much. I keep having the weirdest dream, really… And, well, I thought we could make some hot chocolate’.

That brings a warmth to her that has nothing to do with the beverage. She thinks of late nights with James and Harry, especially in winter, when they would make hot chocolate and share it in front of the fireplace in their house.

That kind of silly small moments that never seem important as you are living them, but somehow they turn into your favourite memories.

‘With whipped cream?’, she asks, her voice lighter now, and Harry smirks, making his resemblance to James more evident.

‘You can even put a little bit of brandy and I won’t tell anyone’.

She blushes, getting up. ‘I have no idea what you are talking about’.

‘I’m fifteen, mum, I get it now what was the medicine in your chocolate’.

‘When did you get so smart?’, she asks playfully, taking his arm so they can descend the stairs together to the kitchen. ‘Anyway, no alcohol for you’.

‘Spoilsport’, he complains without any real malice. ‘When will I get to drink?’

‘If you are still asking me, Harry, then you are still too young, trust me’, Lily answers grinning.

Harry shakes his head, mumbling to himself almost indignantly but this is such a normal teenage behaviour that Lily will take it without complaining. That’s the kind of thing she wants him to be worried about.

She kisses him softly on the cheek before they enter the kitchen, knowing Harry would be too embarrassed to be seen receiving a kiss from his mother in front of everyone - another very usual teenage behaviour -, and smiles to herself.

‘Thanks for the company’, she says later, when they are alone in the kitchen after sending everyone to bed.

‘Anytime, mum’, he promises, filling his cup with whipped cream, while they accommodate themselves to wait for James to come home.

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Broken

(George Weasley x Reader)

*Not My Gif*

I wrote this for @wreckofawriter‘s Cliché month! Go check out the other writings on her page!

Word Count: 4K

Paring: George Weasley x Reader

Cliché: Lovers to Enemies

~Master~

Fred was gone. George’s other half wasn’t by his side for the first time in, well… forever. The war took many victims, but it was over and left the survivors to try and find happiness with a hole in their heart.

You had a hole in your heart as well. One in the form of your little sister who died right before your eyes during the battle. If you could’ve traded places, you would’ve in a heartbeat. She was the last family you had and now she was gone. To say you were terrified of the future was an understatement. The war finished off your 7th year and now you had nowhere to go, nowhere to stay and nowhere to feel safe. 

That was until your friend Hermione set something up for you. She was the one who introduced you to Molly Weasley, knowing Molly would be happy with letting someone in your position, she knew once Hermione told her everything, stay with her family. You had known the Weasley’s for years, Ron and you got along quite well, but as for the older ones, the twins, let’s just say friends would be the worst term to use.

Fred wasn’t that bad. But George? You didn’t along at all after he decided you were a great target for a majority of their pranks. You didn’t even mean to get on his radar, you walked into their prank on accident and then after that… it never stopped. He never took it too far, but you hated him. George was your enemy until the moment they graduated.

Now, looking back on it, it made you sad. The Y/N back then getting upset over dumb pranks like scrambling the words on your essay or charming your skin to be pink. You’d give everything to go back.

It had been a few weeks now since you’ve lost your sister and after meeting Molly this morning, you were to move in tonight. You were terrified. You weren’t sure why though, you’d been staying at random houses for a while but Molly promised you’d have a home with her family. You assumed that was why you were scared. You couldn’t remember what it felt like to have a home.

The house was almost quiet as you rapped on the door, your small bags were in your hands as you ignored the troubles in your stomach.

“I’m coming!” you heard a voice you recognized as Molly Weasley as her footsteps made way to the door. “Ron! Hermione! Harry! Ginny! She’s here!” You sucked in a breath, listening to her call your friend’s names before she opened the door with a smile. “Y/N, dear. Welcome!”

You nodded, swallowing thickly. “Uh, thank you, Mrs. Weasley for letting me stay here.” Your voice was smaller than it was when Molly spoke with you earlier, but she had just assumed it was because you were nervous, which you were. She ushered you inside, seeing the four children trample down the staircase.

“Ronald, take her things to her room. Harry, dear, lend him a hand.” Both of the boys exchanged happy smiles to you before taking your things and disappearing up the stairs. You felt Hermione tap your shoulder and you spun around fast and threw your arms around one of your oldest friends.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Hermione whispered in your ear and you hugged her tighter, only letting go to give Ginny a hug as well.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you what. It’s just mum, dad, Us and George. Quite empty if you ask me.” Ginny mumbled, putting on a smile on her face as Molly pulled Ginny into a side hug. You let your smile fall momentarily as you looked at them.

“I heard about Fred. I’m so sorry.” You offered your condolences, seeing Molly’s eyes water as she let go of her daughter.

“Thank you dear.” She looked to Ginny, seeing the tears Ginny was wiping away. “Well, I better get dinner started before your father gets back.” She wiped Ginny’s tears away before leaving to the kitchen and you felt like you over stepped.

Ginny didn’t look at you, her throat closing as she started up the stairs. “I think I’ll, um go help Ron and Harry.” She said before picking up her pace and she was gone.

Good job, Y/N. Two minutes in your new home and you’ve already messed up.

Hermione saw the look in your eye as you stared off to where Ginny left. She put her arm around your shoulder and leaned her head on you. “Come on, I’ll show you around.” You nodded and let her lead you around the house, and to where you’d be sleeping, Harry and Ron joining you soon after and finally giving you hugs.

You didn’t realize how being in their presence brought out the old you, the one you lost so long ago. You were all cooped in your room that night, the four of them helping you set it up. It was fun, giving your mind almost a break from the pain you were in until Ron pulled out your photo box.

Carefully digging through, he looked at the memories you had decided to capture before stopping. The picture he held now was one that look to be taken a few years ago of you and your sister. You were pressing a kiss to her cheek and the camera caught her smile growing. He smiled as well at the picture before looking up with furrowed brows.

“Y/N?” he called out, getting you to drop your conversation with Hermione. “Where is your sister?”

It was one sentence that sent weeks of pain right back into your system. Your face became empty, staring off and you didn’t even hear Hermione chastise her boyfriend, putting the box of photos away. It didn’t hurt you that Ron didn’t know what happened, your family name wasn’t known as Ron’s, despite their status.

Hermione and Ginny were by your side in an instant, giving you comfort but you just pushed it away. The sky was dark outside as you stood up, taking the box of photos from its new spot on your shelf. “Thank you for today.” You mumbled, hearing the quietness in the room. “I think I’d like to get some sleep, you know, in an actual bed.” You couldn’t remember the last time you slept in a bed versus a couch, so the statement wasn’t a total lie, but it was doubtful you’d get any sleep.

Your friends understand, knowing you need space now and they respected it. Ron was the last one out, apologizing for his question but you assured it was fine, he didn’t know. The moment he closed the door, you casted a silencing charm around your room and let yourself fall onto the bed and weep.

You cried for hours, thankful no one could hear you. Once your tears were spent, you just laid staring at the ceiling, waiting to just feel something again, but nothing came. The only feeling you had was a sore throat and a need for water.

Leaving your room, you made sure the halls were empty, everyone fast asleep much to your surprise. The kitchen was just down the stairs as you made your way quietly down and to the empty room.

But in a twisted turn of events, someone else was making their way down as well.

The water hit perfectly as you sat at the table, chugging your second glass and looking outside. “What are you doing here?” you jumped at the sound, spilling your water slightly and looking up to see none other than George Weasley staring at you.

“You scared me!” you told him, using your shirt sleeve to clean up the water on the table.

“What are you doing here?” He asked again.

George hardly ever left his room anymore, not even for meals. He only came down in the middle of the night, when he knew everyone was asleep. Never in a million years though would he have expected Y/N Y/L/N to be sitting at his table.

“I needed water. There’s none in my room.” You told him, holding up the glass before taking a drink.

George grew even more confused. “Your room? What room? What are you doing in my house?” You ignored his attitude, knowing exactly how he was feeling in the moment. It wasn’t every day you find your enemy in your house.

“Your mum invited me. Letting me stay however long I need.” You mumbled in between sips of water.

George groaned before he grabbed some food Molly left out on the counter. He was about to leave to eat in his room before stopping. He ate here every night, if anyone should leave, it should be you. He took the seat across from you as you looked up from your cup to see George’s eyes on you. There was a silence between you both as George ate his food, cursing himself for being out here. He avoided people for weeks and now what, he was out here to spite you?

“Why did you hate me?” You whispered, moving around the last bit of water in your cup as George stopped eating.

“What?” He asked, needing to know if he heard you right.

“You were so nice to everyone else. All I’d hear was ‘The Weasley twins, such a nice pair of pranksters.’ And yet I never saw it. You and Fred,” George gulped at his brother’s name, “I never knew why you hated me.”

George didn’t have an answer. The more he thought about it, the more the idea of hating you became lost. It was almost a natural born hatred; you didn’t have to try to get him riled up. That got him feeling something. George didn’t want to stay any longer. He stood up fast, scaring you with his sudden change as he was out of the room, leaving you alone with your empty glass.

---

3 years earlier…

“Hermione! You’ve got to help me with the essay!” You begged your friend over breakfast that morning, having neglected your work until the last minute. You tugged on her arm, trying to get her attention as she hid a smile. “Hermione! I’m begging!”

“Okay!” She laughed, grabbing her hand away from you, you cheered and stood up, doing your happy dance and not caring about the prying eyes. Hermione giggled again as she pulled you down to the table. “I said I’ll help Y/N! Not write the whole thing for you.”

“And I completely understand! I owe you.” You both finished your breakfast in record time and you dragged her to the library. You spent most of the day with Hermione, taking a break every so often to rest before getting back into it. You never expected to finish it but you did with and hour left before class. “You are a lifesaver, Hermione.”

Hermione left you in the library once Ron and Harry showed up and you let her go, having a few more things to finish up. Alone in the library, you spread out your work, pushing your essay out in front of you as you shifted. It wasn’t until a single rambunctious twin slid into the spot across from you that you looked up.

“What do you want?” you asked eyeing George carefully as he picked up your essay and held it in front of his face. “That’s not yours.” You grumbled and snatched it out of his hands, missing the smirk on his face that fell once he saw you. “What do you want?” You asked again as George rolled his eyes and slumped into his seat.

“Merlin Y/N, calm down. I saw you here and-“

“And you thought you would bother me?”

“Now you’ve got it.” You nodded your head sarcastically before getting back to work, feeling George’s eyes still on you.

“Why are bothering me?” you didn’t even give him the benefit of looking up. George narrowed his eyes, not saying anything until you looked at him again. “George! I’m trying to work!”

“I’m not George. I’m Fred.” You glared at him.

“No, you’re George. I know because my skin crawls when you’re around.”

“Funny. Mine does the same.”

“That’s great. Let your skin crawl over there.” You pointed to the side, hoping George would get the hint and leave you alone. George did indeed get the hint, the only problem was, he didn’t want to leave. He was having fun bothering you. It was fun getting under your skin.

“You know, you could be a little nicer. I’m just trying to be friends.”

You rolled your eyes. “We aren’t friends George. Not since you decided it was good idea to use the Confundo charm on me before I had potions class. Snape took so many points away and it’s all your fault.”

“Then maybe you should make it less fun to prank you.”

You put your quill down and looked at George, both of you glaring at each other before Fred came over. “Am I interrupting something?” Fred asked and you took a deep breath, getting back to your work.

“No, you’re not. Now please take this prat away from me please so I can get to work.” You said not even sparing a look at. George grinned smugly before he stood up and followed his brother out.

As soon as he was gone, you let out a breath, resting back in your chair. It was at that moment you had caught sight of your essay and how the ink covering the page swirled about, the words no longer in the order you wrote them in. Your stomach fell. An entire afternoon’s work gone.

You let out a groan, letting your head fall to the table before looking up to where George was standing outside of the library, sending you a wink before walking off.

---

Leaving your room the next day wasn’t something you wanted to do, but you thought it rude not to. You could tell the weeks events had taken a hit on everyone, no one minded your completely detached attitude. Ron kept apologizing like crazy for yesterday, but the only thing it did was make you feel worse, but you didn’t let him see that. Instead you bottled it up, waiting until it was night before you allowed yourself to break down again.

Needing water again, you wiped off your tears as you made your way down the steps again. The kitchen was empty again and you let out a sigh of relief, making your way to the sink.

“You’re still here.” You jumped again, bracing yourself against the counter as you heard George behind you.

You turned around, glaring at him with the shake of a head. “Did you think I would leave? It’s been one day.” George didn’t say anything as he grabbed the food set out for him and moved to the table.

You just watched him, unsure of whether you were intruding. “Your sister not here?” George asked you. You didn’t know how to answer him. The Weasley kids really didn’t pay attention.

“No.” you whispered.

George raised a brow. “Why not? Where’s she staying?”

You stayed silent, looking straight ahead at the wall. George didn’t question the silence, to be honest, he’s gotten so used to it, he preferred it. “Why do you care?”

George laughed dryly. “You can’t answer questions with different questions Y/N.”

“I can if I don’t want to answer the questions.” You told him, looking over your shoulder to see George looking at you.

“Then this conversation won’t go far.”

You clenched your jaw, turning around sharply. “My sister’s gone. She’s dead, George. Forgive me if I didn’t want to answer your stupid questions.” This time it was your turn to storm off as you slammed your cup down on the counter. Who was George to pretend he was the only one suffering?

George didn’t know about your sister. Your outburst suddenly making him feel like the worst person in the world. He sat there in the dark for far too long before slowly trudging up the stairs. Finding himself in front of the door to your room.

You were crying inside, the charm on your room to keep your cries silent was wearing off and George heard everything. He didn’t knock as he entered your room and you didn’t look up, hearing the door open but deciding to spare the humiliation of looking up.

“I’m sorry, I’ll keep it down.” You mumbled, biting back your tears until whoever it was is gone. When the door closed, you thought you had your moment, but that was until you saw George standing in the soft moonlight. “What are you doing here?” you croaked out, feeling your breathing heavy. George didn’t answer you, instead he grabbed your wand off the bedside table and handed it to you. You looked between him and the wand before casting the spell to surround you both in a bubble to keep the noise in the room.

George tried to find the words to say to you, the words of guilt he’d felt since you left the room, but he couldn’t. Instead he sat on the bed, feeling you sit up next to him and George did the last thing you ever thought he would. He hugged you.

You stayed frozen, feeling your tears pull through your eyes again as you let yourself collapse into him, burying your head in his shoulder and George’s hold on you tightened. His hug felt different than any other you’ve had. You’ve spent years hating him, but what was that hate now?

An illusion.

What’s the point of hating someone who’s as broken as you?

George cried silently into your shoulder, feeling for one single second, his skin crawl like it always did around you, but he was beginning to realize that maybe it wasn’t his skin crawling that he was feeling. Now, right now in your arms, you made him feel something.

You pulled away, wiping the snot and tears you had on your sleeve as George did the same, both of you letting out embarrassed laughs. “Thank you.” You whispered to him and smiled. “I needed that.”

“I did too.”

With a shaky breath, you looked into George’s eyes. “I was supposed to protect her. I was the older one, since our parents died, everything I’ve done I’ve done for her.” You hiccupped as you tried not to cry, taking your time. “She died next to me and I watched, not being able to do anything to stop it. It was too late.” You didn’t realize George was holding your hand at this point to comfort you, neither of you needing to say anything more.

George and you stayed in your room for the rest of the night, not doing anything besides cry and comfort each other. You talked all night, you sharing stories of your sister, George sharing of Fred. The last thing you remember was the sun coming up through your window as you finally dozed off with your head on George’s shoulder.

That was also the last thing George remembered, that is until he woke up a few hours later with both of you lying down on your bed with George’s arms wrapped around your waist as you laid on his chest. He didn’t move, watching the content look on your face as you slept peacefully. It was much different than ones you’d had before and George was beginning to wonder if that was just because he was around. His stomach twisted in nerves when you started moving, your eyes fluttering open slowly and you realized where you were.

He thought you would scramble off him when you saw him under him, but you didn’t. You smiled.

George didn’t realize he was smiling too, the first smile on his face in weeks but you caught it. “You have a nice smile George. I never realized before.” Your voice was so soft and George could barely handle the way his heart skipped a beat as you rested your head back on his chest. His hands shifted around your waist to pull you closer and he stared up at the ceiling of the room that matched his own, feeling your breathing as he listened.

This became a habit between you and George. Every night, after everyone was asleep you and George would meet in the kitchen before making way back up to your room and just talking and being in each others presence. You started to rely on George. He became your outlet, the one person in the house who seemed to always be breaking down as much as you had.

You were beginning to get feelings for him and by the time you realized, it was too late. Yet there was just one thing sitting in the back of your mind.

When you and George woke up together this morning, you pushed off of him and sat on the edge of the bed to think. George sat up as well, sitting next to you perfectly still before you made the first move. You threaded your fingers in with his, letting your head rest on his shoulder. George reciprocated the action, laying his head onto yours.

“Why did you hate me George?” you breathed out, needing an answer to the question you’ve been asking for years.

George didn’t say anything at first, looking at your tangled hands together. “I don’t think I ever did.”

You moved your head so you could look at him. “Then why did you always find joy in pranking me?”

Thinking it over, you had a point, he loved to prank you. He’d spend hours a day thinking about how he could prank you. It was then that George realized he didn’t spend hours a day just thinking about how to prank you. He was thinking about you. He knew all your ticks, everything to get you riled up and he knew every way possible to run you up to your last straw but he knew your limits. He knew when it was too far, he knew almost everything about you and he didn’t even know it.

“George? Are you there?” you waved a hand in front of his face and George snatched it in the air, making you confused. “Are you okay?”

“I didn’t hate you. I don’t think I ever hated you?”

You nodded your head slowly. “Are you asking me, or telling me?”

George looked into your eyes and he could see something in your eyes that told him the answer. “I never hated you. You were always on my mind Y/N. I thought it was because I hated you, because you made me feel something. But now I know what is.”

You felt yourself needing to cry again, but you weren’t sad. It was like things were finally looking up for you. After so long of running from any good emotion after your sister’s death, you could finally breathe again. “What do you feel?”

George hadn’t known how much he was leaning in as his eyes flickered down to your lips, your eyes to his and they were so close together. “I feel alive.” He pressed his lips to yours.

George and you were two broken pieces, split right down the middle, but just so happen to fit together.

A/N: Did- Did you like it?

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[ourloveisforthelovely]

Lost Part 8

Harry Potter Marauders Era 

Link  to Part 7 

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M

_____

Regulus found himself staring at his father with wide eyes. This was the last thing that he ever expected to happen! When Regulus scoped out this cafe, he liked it because it was off of the “normal path.” He never expected his father to be in a place like this.

Reaching down, Regulus wrapped his hand around yours. If he had to break the law for underage magic to apparate both of you away from Orion Black, he would. Regulus wouldn’t let you be harmed. He had just gotten you back in his life and nothing (not even his crazy pureblood parents) would wreck it. Regulus was happy for once and that happiness wouldn’t be taken away from him!

If his parents thought that arranging some marriage to some pureblood girl would stop him from being with you...they had another thing coming! They could kick him out of the family, disinherit him, and leave his share of the Black family fortune to someone else for all Regulus cared. He would find some way to provide you with the life that you deserved.

“Dad…”

Regulus began but Orion stopped him with one icy look. Orion didn’t have to say anything to get his children in line. When Regulus and Sirius were small and behaving wildly it would take one look from their father to make both boys sit down...today was no exception. Regulus’ mouth instantly shut. The boy bit his bottom lip before looking down to avoid his father’s piercing gaze.

His eyes had flickered over to the girl huddled at his son’s side. You looked up at him with fear clearly written all over your face. You didn’t, however, move away from Regulus. That to Orion was bravery. If you knew who he was and didn’t try to run or back down, maybe you were more than a pretty face?

Regulus had scooted, if possible closer to you and was gently rubbing the hand that he was holding onto.

“I want to talk to you outside.”

Orion finally in his calm reserved voice. Unlike his wife, Orion wasn’t one for yelling. It took too much effort and made people too uncomfortable. His reserved nature usually got him everything that he wanted. Regulus turned his attention back to you as his father spoke again.

“She will be just fine without you for a moment. Wait here, my dear.”

Regulus gave you an apologetic look before standing and following his father outside of the cafe. He wasn’t for sure what Orion was about to say but whatever it was it couldn’t be good. He was about to learn that his “favorite son” was dating the one thing that their family hated most in the world.

Orion turned to meet Regulus’ wary gaze. He was thankful this scene was happening with Regulus and not Sirius. Sirius would have bitched the whole way out of the building. Regulus just followed after him with a frown on his face.

“The girl, Regulus, what is her name?”

Regulus looked down at his feet a moment before facing his father again.

“Y/n Evans.”

Regulus replied, keeping his tone calm and reserved as his father was silent for a moment.

“Her blood status?”

Orion watched as Regulus muttered “damn” under his breath.

“She’s a muggle-born. Go ahead and kill me.”

Orion smirked as Regulus closed his eyes. The boy was clearly waiting to be wiped from the planet. When no pain hit him, Regulus’ grey eyes fluttered open before focusing on his father.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

Regulus asked and was even more confused when his father smiled. What the fuck was he smiling about? Orion Black didn’t smile. When he did it was few and far between...just like his youngest son.

“I’m not your mother, Regulus.”

“I’m aware of that but I’m dating a muggle-born...that’s like first on the Black family things that we don’t do list. I should be kicked out of the family and never spoken of again.”

Orion motioned to the bench by the front door of the cafe. Regulus followed his father to the bench and sat down as Orion looked thoughtful.

“I’m not going to say anything to your mother. You should know that some of our family rules are meant to be broken. What Walburga doesn’t know won’t hurt her. For example, she thinks that I am at work right now. The girl is very pretty. What house is she in?”

It took all that Orion had not to laugh at the expression on Regulus’ face. The boy looked as if his father had been replaced with an alien and he was just figuring things out.

“Hufflepuff.”

Regulus replied, quietly as Orion nodded.

“That makes sense. You’re like me more than you realize, Regulus. I’m going to tell you something and I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself as I am keeping your Y/n’s blood status to myself. When I was your age, before it was arranged that I would be marrying your mother, I was in love with a girl from Hufflepuff. She was a muggle-born too. I let her get away from me because I didn’t want to disappoint the family. Regulus, if you love this girl then don’t let her go. You will regret it for the rest of your life.”

Orion chose to ignore the stunned expression on Regulus’ face as he took in what he was told. It took Regulus a few moments before he was able to speak. He never in a million years would have guessed that his father loved anymore but Walburga.

“What happened to her?”

Regulus asked. Orion sighed.

“She died in a car crash. You were six at the time. While I love your mother very much, I have never stopped loving Ana. If I had just been a little braver, maybe she would still be alive. You don’t need to be afraid of being kicked out of the family, Regulus. If you love Y/n then you need to be ready to fight for her because that is what it will be...a fight. My suggestion, again, is to not let her go.”

Regulus frowned.

“The family will never accept her since she’s a…”

Orion interrupted without meeting Regulus’ face.

“Don’t. Let. Her. Go.”

Regulus didn’t feel the need to argue anymore. He simply nodded at his father’s command.

“I won’t. Please, don’t tell mum yet. I want to wait as long as I can. At least until we are out of school and I can provide for Y/n.”

Orion stood with a curt nod. He had things to do and this conversation needed to end. He looked back to Regulus with a small smile. If Orion hadn’t noticed how much his youngest son resembled him, he saw it now. Regulus reminded Orion of himself at 16.

“Tell your mum what?”

He questioned before Regulus smiled.

“Nothing.”

Regulus said, softly as his father turned and walked down the street without another word.

Meanwhile,

You remained in the cafe feeling even more anxious with each passing moment. Would Orion hurt Regulus in the middle of a busy street? Surly, he would have more sense than that. Too many witnesses. The better question in your mind was how was Orion taking the news about his son dating a mudblood? You frowned at the word but was sure that was what Orion Black was calling you at the moment. The fact that the man didn’t curse you was still a shock all on its own.

The door of the cafe opening and closing quickly pulled you from your thoughts. Regulus stepped back into the building without his father behind him. You nearly jumped on his lap when your boyfriend took his seat beside you.

“Are you okay? Is he freaking out? Did you get kicked out of the…”

Regulus placed a finger on your lips.

“Everything is fine.”

He replied, seeing the questions building in your mind. Why was Regulus so calm when he was so nervous only 10 minutes ago? He looked as if he had just gone and had a pleasant little chat with his father.

“But Reggie…”

Regulus raised an eyebrow resulting in you shutting your mouth instantly. That look alone said “enough, hush.” He leaned down and nuzzled his nose against your ear.

“I’ll tell you everything, shortly.”

Regulus was mostly quiet until the two of you returned to the hotel room that Regulus had reserved. The two of you were returning to school the next day and Regulus wanted one more night of just having you to himself. Regulus knew, come the next day, he was going to have to share you with others again. He didn’t mind his brother and friends as much as he did people like Gavin McDonald. Regulus was still internally seething over Gavin asking you on a date. It didn’t matter that Regulus completely had you under his spell now...Gavin was still worth brooding over.

I’ll just pay him another little visit in a dark hallway so he doesn’t forget just who he’s dealing with.

You, meanwhile, had been keeping your mouth shut all the way to the hotel. Regulus was going to extremes to have your last night alone as “alone” as possibly. You had suggested Regulus just staying with you in your bedroom but he insisted on a hotel. This left you lying to your parents about where exactly you were going. Your parents were under the assumption that you were staying at Lucille’s when in fact you just checked into a hotel as Mrs. Black.

Regulus locked the door behind him as you took off your coat. You waited until he turned around to speak again.

“Do you think that witch at the front desk bought it when you said that we are on our honeymoon?”

Regulus smirked.

“Well, we don’t like 11 anymore. Give it another year and maybe we won’t get such weird looks.”

He rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt before pulling your body against his.

“We won’t have to lie much longer either. You know that I’m in love with you.”

You eagerly returned the sentiment and kissed Regulus hungrily. The kiss quickly escalated but was stopped when you abruptly pulled away and went to sit on the bed. Regulus remained where you left him looking confused. You never pulled away from him like that and he didn’t like being left behind.

“Are you going to tell me about what happened today?”

You asked. Regulus quickly moved to join you on the bed. Reaching out, he gently took your hand in his and stroked his fingers over your palm.

“Apparently I am more like my father than I previously believed. My father had a little love affair with a girl from Hufflepuff when he was my age. I never would have believed it possible but he seems to be okay with us. He also agreed to not tell my mother anything.”

Regulus smiled at the stunned expression on your face.

“So...he doesn’t care that I am a muggle-born?”

Regulus shook his head.

“He would be a bit of a hypocrite if he had a problem with us then told me about him loving some muggle-born himself. He told me that I should be ready to fight for you...and I am. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make sure that I keep you in my life.”

Regulus gently pushed you on your back and took his place over you. He leaned down to kiss your lips before making a path down your neck.

“I told you so.”

You said with a smug smile. Regulus raised his head up curiously.

“Told me what?”

“That Slytherins can’t resist Hufflepuffs.”

You slyly replied. Regulus smirked and pulled you into his arms. He didn’t want to rush to get undressed but now it seemed the perfect path to go down.

“Yes, you did and you were right. Now shut that smart mouth or put it to good use.”

______

@amelie-black

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[woodchoc-magnum]

9-1-1 4x04 Reaction

Spoilers under the cut

Buddie for comfort:

Saving the parents for last because jesus fucking christ that’s a rant, and also, I’m functioning on very little sleep so this may be completely disjointed and rambly:

I am in love with Buck and Eddie trying to solve the crime together and I wish they would re-film that scene without face masks

Because they so would be into true crime, like Eddie pretends to be cool but he’s a secret nerd, and he loves to nerd out with Buck, so it makes total sense that they watch crime documentaries together like COME ON

I’m incorporating this into a fic somehow

May Grant the 911 operator 🔥🔥🔥

Gratuitous shirtlessness in the form of Albert and Chimney, thank you very much 911

Albert fucking RUNNING AWAY FROM CHIMNEY 10/10 comedy

And then Chimney RUNNING AWAY FROM THE REST OF THE TEAM 10/10 comedy as well

Albert throwing a whole wheel of brie into the oven? Like just throwing it in there? Literally just throwing it in there

I don’t know why they added that in but I’m not mad at it

Chimney making friends with the mad bomber after the preview was like “IS CHIMNEY GONNA DIE????” no he’s gonna make a new friend and then brain him with an oxygen tank duh

Well, I guess it’s about that time to talk about the worst parents in the show, so here we go:

Some of this is gonna be speculation because obviously we don’t know how this all played out, but we can make some guesses. My theory is that Daniel the dead brother died... perhaps saving Buck when he was only very little, hence Buck not remembering it, and his parents... asking Maddie not to tell him?

What even the FUCK though

Why would you ask your NINE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO LIE TO HER LITTLE BROTHER ABOUT THEIR OTHER BROTHER WHO DIED

And how the hell do you cover something like that up? Did they simply move away from friends and family so no one would ever talk about it? Did they box up all the pictures and memories and everything and just... fucking... MOVE ON? Or not move on, because they have obviously never forgiven Buck for whatever the hell happened.

Okay, this is my speculation:

The parents are somehow responsible - for example, an accidental drowning (I don’t think this is what happened, this is just an example). So hypothetically, they’re at the beach, and Buck is a toddler, and the parents aren’t paying attention and he wanders into the sea and gets swept out; Daniel comes to his rescue and dies in the act of saving him (this thing happens in Australia all the time, hence why I’m using it as an example - swim between the flags, gang!).

So then you have the parents who are ultimately responsible for not paying attention, you have the unavoidable tragedy of one of the children dying, and the way they coped with this terrible tragedy was to place the blame on Buck (even though it wasn’t his fault, at all) and pretend that Daniel had simply never existed.

This means that Buck spends his life living in the shadow of the older brother who was glorified, who died saving him, and Buck has no idea why he can never please his parents and why they don’t love him. This is why they’re checked out as parents, because one of their kids died, and instead of seeking therapy, they decided to live a lie and blame their son for something he had no fucking control over.

So setting all that aside, let’s talk about these two absolute fucking pieces of shit.

They’ve alienated their children so much that both of them are absolutely terrified when they turn up. Buck is petrified. He’s spent his whole life never living up to their expectations, never feeling good enough, or worthy enough, constantly being put down - no wonder he ran away to California to put some distance between them. And he’s finally in a good place, going through therapy, dealing with his issues, and now bam - his parents are back in town to screw up all of his hard work.

And Maddie’s just as freaked out, because she’s trying to protect Buck from them. I feel like she has good intentions but her mistake is wanting Buck to have a relationship with people who don’t necessarily want to have a relationship with him, and for telling them about him being in therapy (which I still don’t understand, but I guess maybe the next episode will reveal the answer). To be clear, I don’t think Maddie is wrong for having kept this secret. She was manipulated into it by her parents when she was only a child, and that is not her fault, at all. She’s been told she’s doing the right thing and she hasn’t questioned it, but now, she is.

And, importantly - if her parents were checked out mentally and emotionally, she had to do a lot of the heavy-lifting and parenting when it came to Buck, when she was just a little girl herself. Maddie is the reason Buck is as wonderful as he is - she raised him.

Now, back to the pieces of shit:

They didn’t like Doug, so they washed their hands of Maddie, even though they lived in the same fucking town. So she was getting beaten up by her absolute monster of a husband, and ending up in hospital, and they were doing fucking nothing to intervene or help her.

THEY DIDN’T EVEN GO TO HER WEDDING. THEY SHOWED HER NO SUPPORT AT ALL. LIKE I CANNOT. All because they DISAGREED? SHE’S STILL YOUR DAUGHTER, like oh my god, I can’t even.

She had to flee across the country to Buck in California to finally escape him, because their parents didn’t care enough to help. Motherfuckers.

And then the whole “we don’t do hospitals” - bitch, they are your fucking CHILDREN. If your CHILDREN are in hospital, you are supposed to CARE. Buck got crushed by a ladder truck, he had an embolism and nearly died, he went through a tsunami and NOTHING? Nada? Maddie had to kill her husband after he nearly killed her, and NOTHING? Buck had to call to tell them what had happened!

And then to start crying and asking "I don’t know what you expected us to do?” - like, bitch, FUCKING ANYTHING?

I mean

I cannot with these people

What kind of white WASP-y nonsense is this

Let me tell the story of when I had appendicitis - I was taken to the hospital by my friend at night, my mum lives two hours away - when she found out that it was appendicitis and I’d be going in for surgery, she jumped in the car in the middle of the night and drove two hours to be with me, and I was a grown-ass woman at the time. It is not normal for parents not to care when their children are sick/injured/being beaten almost to death by their abusive husbands/getting crushed by a ladder truck. You mean to tell me that the footage of the crowd lifting the truck off their son didn’t go viral? That they didn’t see that?

Fuckers.

You don’t like something so you just bury your head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t exist? Your kids aren’t perfect so you just wash your hands of them? Their problems don’t matter, not when it’s all about you?

Narcissists.

Blaming the kids for everything, manipulating Maddie into doing their bidding - and still manipulating her as an adult, by bringing her gifts and driving across the country and being all, “we want to be grandparents!” after everything? After letting her husband nearly kill her and blaming her for having bad taste in men? FUCKKKKKK

And the fucking BABY BOX. Do not even get me started on how ANGRY I WAS.

Like, I have friends with kids (I have cats, personally) so I know that they’re busy, but to not have anything, as if he’s just not worth it.

Like I can’t

It breaks my heart to think about his face, and the realisation setting in... to know that your parents don’t love you? To have lived with that your whole life? It’s so fucking gutting.

Like, obviously I am extra emotional because I’m running on empty today, but god damn this episode just came along and punched me right in the face.

Also, I’m making a BIG CALL, they’re going to use the song ‘Daniel’ by Elton John in the next episode:

Daniel my brother you are older than me Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal? Your eyes have died, but you see more than I Daniel you're a star in the face of the sky

100% they’re using that song, I’m calling it now, and if they don’t, it is a wasted opportunity.

Okay, let’s end on a good note, because this has been a rant:

Eddie’s open concern for Buck; the fact that Buck tells Eddie about his therapy, that he feels comfortable opening up to him - that Eddie was there, watching Buck beat the shit out of the boxing bag and listening to him, and taking his side and reassuring him... that is next level shit and I am here for it.

I am not here for the return of Ana in the next few episodes but that’s a future rant

Hopes for Buck Begins:

That the firefam - his real family - will rally around him, and that Buck and Maddie will take a united stand against their parents and tell them to get the fuck out of their lives.

Also I kinda want Bobby to meet the Buckley’s? Just... for him to be horrified, I guess? I don’t know, but I want Bobby to meet them and understand how awful they are and offer Buck some comfort as his surrogate father.

I would like Buck to be hugged by someone who loves him, please, because he needs it.

And selfishly, I want some kind of Buck, Eddie and Christopher scene, because they are also his family. Everyone in this show has their little family unit, and Eddie and Christopher are Buck’s.

Ana be damned

[ijustwant2write]

Hold On Tight-Tommy Shelby x Sister!Reader

(GIF credit @hardytcm)

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight

Requested by anonymous: 'Hiya love, could yo do an imagine where the reader is a Shelby sister and is closest to Tommy, like best friends and they go do some business together one day and she dies? But like grace’s death where she’s in his arms and he’s obviously really sad but she’s trying to be positive about it. ❤️'

Characters: Thomas Shelby X Reader (siblings), Arthur Shelby x Reader (siblings), John Shelby x Reader (siblings)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, guns, violence, injuries/wounds, death

(A/N: This is before John's or Grace's deaths)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Morning boys." I greeted as my three older brothers walked in.

"Alright (Y/N)." Arthur nodded, hugging me briefly before making his way to the kitchen.

John copied his actions, catching up with him as Tommy entered, hugging me that bit longer.

"You sure you want me coming with you today?" I asked him as we pulled apart.

"I'm sure. You're the one that's been researching this guy for us, you're the best person to come along."

"Flattery doesn't get you anywhere Tommy. It's not like I'm going to object. Are you wanting to leave now?"

"Not just yet. We need to go over the plan again."

"Again? Tommy-"

He raised his hand, pointing at me."We always go over the plan-"

"Three times." we said in unison.

"Right." he nodded and went to the kitchen, me shaking my head behind him.

John and Arthur had already made themselves comfortable at the table, helping themselves to the freshly boiled teapot. As I walked past John, I smacked his legs that were resting on top of my table. He flinched, almost falling off his chair as he protested, rubbing where I hit him.

"Do you forget manners everytime you step into a civilised house?" I scolded playfully.

"Civilised house? Since when have you or anyone in the family been civilised?" he chuckled.

"Well, just don't put your grubby shoes on my clean table. My house, my rules."

"Alright mum."

I only rolled my eyes at him. John and I were only a year apart, I remember all the times we bickered as children, though there was definitely a love hate relationship. I always tried to act my age unless he was around, then it all went out the window. The boys were much older than us, and didn't always want to play; seeing as we were the closest in age, we compromised on our games, but I grew up with three brothers, they were bound to be tough. It built character (as they say), though it was only after the war that I became closer to Tommy.

Arthur had always been the best big brother, always looking after and defending me. As did John and Tommy, though Arthur could sometimes have a more authoritive look about him, more intimidating. I had always looked up to him. But Tommy and I never talked much, or played games with each other. He didn't even hug me much either. I saw my three brothers be sent off to war, and like all the men that left, they came back different. And Tommy coped with it in an extremely unhealthy way.

All those nights he had nightmares, he didn't have to be screaming in his sleep or crying, I just felt that something was wrong. A weird sense of dread would fill me before going to sleep, and it would wake me up, forcing me to go check on Tommy. He would rarely talk about it, but I stayed strong beside him, refusing to leave until he fell asleep again. Of course there were the drugs, and although I tried desperately to make him stop, he never did. However, I was there on the other side. It sort of happened naturally, our relationship. Maybe it came with age, maybe he acknowledged my help. Tommy was closest to me in my opinion, and I supported him with a majority of what he did (unless he used the family, that's where I crossed the line).

"I still don't know how I feel about this Tom." Arthur said.

"If you're talking about me, which you do every time we do something like this, then you need to get over it." I gently replied as I sat beside Tommy.

"You're my little sister, (Y/N), you shouldn't be here."

He wasn't being mean. He was just concerned. I smiled at him.

"Arthur, I've been through this a million times, with and without you guys. I'll be fine, we all will."

"Just get that feeling in me stomach-"

"That's enough Arthur." Tommy interrupted, lighting up a cigarrette. We waited for him to take a drag, exhaling the smoke before he spoke."We go through the backstreets, to their storage house for their booze. That's where we said we would meet. He has his men, we have ours. Now this is strictly business, no fucking threats, no fucking fighting, no fucking shooting. Understood?"

"I still think it's too dangerous for (Y/N) to come along." Arthur added.

"She's the one that's been getting the information for us. For some reason her tactics have worked better than ours."

"Oi!" I protested.

"That wasn't meant to offend."

"I've helped plenty of times before. Believe me Arthur, I've been behind the scenes of a lot of your operations."

"You've been around Tom too long, starting to speak like him too." Arthur smirked as he sipped his tea.

I ignored him."How many of your men will be there? Our dealer usually has ten with him at all times. He's agreed to not have anymore."

"Then we'll bring fifteen, ten with us and five to hide."

"You don't trust him."

"Any man who takes ten men as protection at all times is paranoid, meaning he'll also have some hidden away."

"So much for no shoot outs." John mumbled.

"Better safe than sorry." I snapped.

"Alright." Tommy warned."We're there to make a deal, and we'll leave with one."

We climbed into Tommy's car, silent as he drove to the meeting place. As we parked up our men were already waiting, watching as us Shelby's got out and walked ahead of them.

"So you listened to me then?" I quietly said to Tommy.

"What?"

"Finn's not here, that means you listened to me."

"Yes, I suppose you were right." he smirked.

"Good, he's still too young for all this."

"Now you sound like Polly."

I always felt nervous about these things. It never got any easier for me. Of course I didn't let it show on my face, and it always shocked these men to see a woman turn up. A slight advantage sometimes, they couldn't comprehend that a woman actually had a brain.

"How's Grace?"

"You want to talk about Grace, right now?"

"Yes, why not?"

He scoffed a laugh."Nothing stops you from getting into my private life."

"It's been a while since someone has been interested in you. And you're interested in her."

"I have never said that."

"There's no need to. It's obvious."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"(Y/N), we sound like children."

I laughed it off, sticking my hands in my coat pockets as the warehouse came into sight. There were two men guarding the doors, holding their guns. We didn't falter, approaching them with confidence. I thought they would search us, but instead, one of them disappeared inside, returning a few moments later, and nodding to the other guy.

"You can go in." he said, opening the door wider.

They stayed put as we all entered, following us from behind and closing the door. As expected, our dealsman was stood there with his ten men. I knew our lot were already trying to seek out anyone hidden away, they had been warned.

"Mr Vallier." Tommy started.

"Mr Shelby." He replied."Not like you to have this many men about for a business proposition."

"And you know how many men I have?"

Vallier ignored that question."Ah, I assumed your sister would come along. I've heard some remarkable things about her."

"The sister is present, you may address her." I interrupted.

"My apologies Miss Shelby. I've heard you commit acts that no other lady has ever done before. I must say, I am impressed."

"Thank you. You flatter me Mr Vallier."

He chuckled."So, Mr Shelby, shall we begin?"

It really was a simple trading agreement. Vallier was making some of the best gin in the country, though it hadn't become famous yet. He was a powerful man, built himself up from the ground; he ran his own gang, like us, knew that alcohol was a good selling point. Tommy saw an opportunity. Get him on our side, and we have another piece of territory as well as more money flowing in. It all seemed fairly simple, Vallier was just paranoid as we expected. This was the easiest meeting we had been to, and it made me nervous. However, that feeling started to drain away as we finished. There was more of a sense of feeling left out as I didn't get to say much.

Tommy and Vallier shook hands once we were outside the warehouse, both looking somewhat smug.

"Garrison?" John leaned over to me.

"Garrison." I nodded, smiling as he swung his arm over my shoulder.

Our lot began walking away, another deal was done. It was all calm and relieved until one of Vallier's boys started shouting, blocking our path.

"YOU KILLED MY BROTHER! HE NEVER DID ANYTHING BAD IN HIS LIFE!" He screamed, aiming his gun at Tommy.

"Don't shoot!" Tommy instructed.

John held me behind him."What the fuck is he planning now?"

"Sam, get inside!" Vallier yelled.

"I'm sorry sir, but these devil's had no right killing my brother, he wasn't even involved in any business!" the boy's aim never faltered.

Before anyone could figure out what to do, someone shot their gun, but it wasn't from the boy. We all ducked, running for cover as more bullets were fired. It was an ambush, there were hidden shooters, but they weren't working for Vallier. This boy wanted revenge. I knew this was all too good to be true.

John had pulled me behind a stack of crates, but the bullets were splintering the wood. We took turns peaking out and shooting, but it was impossible to see who we were shooting at.

"GET HER OUT OF HERE!" Tommy instructed John, but we were ultimately stuck.

"If you slip past the warehouse, you can squeeze through a narrow passage, that will get you out." Vallier rushed."Dont worry, these lads will run out of ammunition soon enough!"

John and I glanced at each other, and before I knew it, he was dragging me into the open space, headed where Vallier had mentioned. The warehouse was right night to a brick wall, with a gap just big enough for me to squeeze through. John on the other hand wouldn't even be able to get a foot in.

"John!"

"You keep going (Y/N), keep hidden until you don't hear no shooting no more, yeah?"

I nodded, groaning as I pulled myself through the gap. I had to walk sideways in order to keep moving, the bricks scraping against my skin. It was starting to get claustrophobic, and I was glad to have reached the end of it. Back in the normal streets, I seemed to be in the alleyway between people's back gardens. Slowly opening a back gate, I looked around it, praying there was someplace to hide. There was a shed, but I had a risk of being seen if the owners came along. But I was a Shelby, they should know who I am and not question it if I they did find me. And I had my gun, I was safe. Luckily the door was unlocked, and I hid inside, ducking so i wasn't seen through the window.

The relentless sound of bullets richoted through the air, echoing to me. I hated not being in the fight, but there was no time to argue in a battlefield. My brother's knew what was best for me most of the time... most of the time.

It sounded like there were less bullets flying about. One last shot rang out, I waited a few minutes for anymore sounds. When nothing came, I made my way back to the alley. I still had my guard up, not that my brother's would be dead, because we were the fucking Peaky Blinders, and this wasn't our final fight.

"In the bleak midwinter..." I muttered under my breath, slowly walking.

I wanted to call out to my brother's, though that was a stupid idea, and I kept silent. The sound of a gun clicking knocked my instincts into gear, and I aimed my gun towards the sound.

"What the fuck do your think you're doing?" I snapped. It was the boy that started this all.

"You fuckers killed my brother!"

"So you think that makes it OK to kill all of us?"

"I'll shoot you!"

Before he could do so, I shot him first, hitting him square in the chest. He froze, hands dropping to his sides, gun falling to the floor before his knees buckledonto the cobbles, and his body collapsed. I wasted no time running past him, checking the coast was clear before I rounded the corner.

"(Y/N)!"

Tommy was up ahead, already running towards me. I let out a breath of relief, also running to him. For fucks sake, why couldn't things go smoothly for once? It couldn't just be a done deal. Someone was always out to kill us.

My fingers outstretched towards Tommy's hand, and I almost grabbed them when an excruciating pain rippled through my back, and the another pang, and another. Everything went silent, my eyes widened in shock and the breath was all but gone from my body. The boy had shot me, somehow he wasn't dead and had shot me.

Tommy caught me before I hit the ground, and I wanted to desperately hold onto him, but I couldn't control my limbs.

"Somebody get the fucking car!" he yelled, the sound suddenly flooding back.

"T-Tommy," I shakily said, looking up at him,"h-h-hold me, please, I w-want t-to feel you."

His arms gradually gripped onto me tighter, and I showed no pain, even though it made me feel worse. It was rare to see Tommy Shelby cry, and it felt like an honour to watch them roll down and out of his crystal blue eyes.

I swallowed the taste of blood rising in my throat."Tommy, l-listen. I-I w-want you to marry that....that G-Grace."

"What? (Y/N) don't worry-"

"She challenges you, I-I l-like her. A-and h-have a nice wed... wedding."

"I will."

"C-an I have a portrait? You always s-said I-I could."

He nodded."You'll sit for that portrait yourself. You're not going anywhere."

"(Y/N), Tommy!" I could faintly hear John and Arthur.

I smiled. My older brothers were here, they were going to look after me like they always did.

"John, Arthur."

"We're here (Y/N), alright?" John cried, grabbing one of my hands.

"Fucking hell." Arthur seethed.

"I-I love you all. T-tell Finn and P-Polly...that...I love them too."

"You can't go (Y/N), you just can't." Tommy whispered.

"You'll live on Tommy. Be happy, please, f-for me."

I lavished the feeling of comfort as I felt my skin turn colder, it was harder to breathe, harder to stay awake. The pain I was in didn't matter, I had my three heroes around me, my three brothers. They say us Shelby's couldn't be killed, and I had always lived by that. However, someone had plans for me to die today, and if it meant something bigger and better for my family then so be it. I held onto my smile as much as possible, not wanting my boys to see how I was hurting. As life slowed down around me, I looked up one last time into Tommy's eyes, his beautiful blue eyes that I was envious of; they were a comfort, a piece of my brother I would keep with me forever, even if they were full of tears.

[fymagnificentwomcn]

Do you think that if Hatice hadn't ended up marrying Ibrahim she maybe could have been a little happier? Or at least lived longer? I always felt that her "love" for him was much more a kind of obsession than actual love and in the end being granted permission from Suleyman to be with him ended up being bad for her mental health since before their wedding she wasn't as anxious, paranoid, arrogant and jealous as she later became. Maybe if she married someone else she may not have fallen in love with them, but maybe she would have been a better mother to her children?

I honestly don’t think so. Of course a marriage of two traumatised people IS always a risky thing because obviously double dose of trauma and emotional problems is worse than when we have only one person with issues in a marriage, but loveless marriage would have destroyed Hatice much sooner, and actually it wasn’t the marriage that was the destruction of Hatice. Yes, it brought her a lot of pain with his betrayal, but ultimately it was one aspect of pain in her life that ultimately did get resolved, unlike others, which intensified.

Hatice is a clearly damaged person already at the beginning of the story. She’s a very sensitive soul that would always be troubled in this system. In her young age, she already had to witness the reign of her bloody father and was forced to marry an elderly man that died soon after the marriage. Even Süleyman is traumatised after dealings with his father and when he witnessed Selim’s brutal rise to power that involved eradicating all males in the family except Süleyman himself. Hatice feels trapped in the palace and feels suffocated in it.

While Ibrahim is made of sterner stuff, as we may say, and also does enjoy rising in the ranks in Ottoman palace, we know he also feels trapped and suffocated here, and that never truly adapted to Ottoman reality. While not so much sensitive person who abhors power games, he nevertheless also feels out of place here, also because he always feels more connected with Western culture. They are both outsiders actually. And this is what ultimately binds them together .Hatice, unlike say an ambitious princess like Sah, does not want power – she only wants to live peacefully with her children and man she loves. In this system of constant struggle, sometimes almost Darwinian (the whole open succession hello) to be on top, she might feel an outsider for that. Hatice in S1 IS also a naïve, sheltered idealist. She has her dreams of ideal future.

After (amost miraculous) acceptance of her marriage to Ibrahim, she seems to have it all, especially when she gets pregnant. But then everything is shattered when she miscarries and this is the event that begins her emotional descent arc.

However, she did have mental issues before that. She tried to kill herself when she was supposed to marry the man of Hafsa’s choosing. She didn’t want to feel trapped even more by again people deciding her fate thanks to all soulless, pragmatic, harsh rules.

Hatice was a depressed, anxious person from the very start of the series ,and she could also be short-tempered and impatient from very beginning.

And her being forced to marry someone else or not marry anyone would have likely made her to what Gevherhan did in MYK- decide to take her fate into her own hands FOR ONCE.

Maybe Ibrahim wasn’t a perfect choice due to his own emotional baggage that later made him commit stupid things, but he was still a good choice because she loved him, he loved her and he did understand her and also tried to be a source of support even though all their issues also caused him to be similarly a source of pain to her.

However, not matter how much Hatice and Ibrahim tried, the power struggle in the palace affected them because neither of them - she as member of dynasty and him as important official -  could ever be free from it. Ibrahim and Hürrem’s rivalry that intensified from S2 onwards affected it – we might say that neither Hürrem nor Ibrahim wanted to purposefully hurt Hatice, but she got caught in crossfire nevertheless. Obviously, marriage to Hatice meant a lot for Ibrahim’s career in the palace and making it fall apart was the easiest way for Hürrem to remove Ibrahim. We discussed it a bit here.

Similarly, fate also threw difficult things on them – first the miscarriage, then the death of the baby the cause of which was never determined (whether the poison or simple Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), but Hatice blames herself and thinks herself to be a killer of her child. Even once Ibrahim begins suspecting Hürrem because he figures out there was poison on his notebook that later could be carried to a child, who didn’t have such a strong organism as his father, he never shares this with Hatice not to re-open old wounds. Then Suleyman’s heart attack and her mother’s illness, all the intensification of power struggles that re-merged with Hatice trusting Hürrem again and then being disappointed again when Hürrem used sick Valide to frame Mahi while at the same sitting with Hatice and wishing her mum a speedy recovery (and Hatice did scold Mahi at first believing it was her), also some of earlier Mahi’s behaviour too… the turn of S2/S3 is very traumatising for Hatice. Death of her mother, followed by Ibrahim’s infidelity revelation together with manner of Hürrem revealing it that left Hatice in no doubt it was done to remove Ibrahim and that Hürrem was thus glad about his cheating (and again knowing that it is what Hürrem has dreamt of for long), so the final nail to their friendship’s coffin, it all caused a huge blow.Ultimately, the problem that does get solved in the end is the marital problem. Ibrahim ultimately does wake up even before he learns Nigar is pregnant (what Nigar anticipated actually) because in the end he DOES love his wife. He knows how much he hurt Hatice and is ready to face the consequences.. When Matrakçi said Hatice loves him a lot and would eventually forgive him, while Hürrem would surely use her opportunity and tell Süleyman: Ibrahim said: “What does it matter if I lose everything or not? I’ve once renounced ranks for Hatice. Nothing is worthy next to her. The only thing that worries me is Hatice, her broken heart. When she looked at me, I wanted the ground to swallow me whole”.

Again it’s Hatice’s choice to forgive him and neither Hürrem nor anyone should mock her for it. And unlike Süleyman, who constantly promises Hürrem to be faithful, and then goes enjoying making her jealous, Ibrahim does not intend to hurt Hatice ever again and I believe he wouldn’t  have even if he had lived much longer.

And then we see them at their best, most mature, most healthy relationship now they’ve dealt with their issues and decided to start anew no matter what. I think part of Hatice’s anxiety was being centered around her ideal, dream life and once cracks appeared (first crack was again the miscarriage), the issues began popping up, and she felt like world was slipping from her fingers. It is a psychological phenomenon, when sometimes big storm cleanses you because you give up on perfection, while a small crack can drive you crazy and be a nagging trigger.

Same with Ibrahim, who as Hatice’s husband and more and more successful vizier, began seeing that no matter his talents and achievements he’s still considered inferior to members of dynasty (including Süleyman ranting at beginning of S2 to Hürrem how nobody, including Ibrahim, is equal to him in Ibrahim’s earview). Hatice’s remark about him being servant (she obviously does not see him as that) would be perhaps part of normal marital quarrel otherwise, something thrown in anger, but for him it was a trigger. His relationship with Nigar was an escape from it all – unlike his relationships with Hatice and Süleymann, the dynastic aspect was gone, he was actually with someone inferior and doing something foribidden for damads. He himself believed in that fantasy world he created with Nigar and even remarked to his brother he would like to run away with the woman he loved (aka Nigar) back to Parga, but it was all an illusion. He did TRULY LOVE Hatice, NOT Nigar, but he could not get over at that moment with how much she stood for and was part of the system he abhorred (same with Süleyman). He loves both Hatice and Suly a lot, but at the same time he hates the system they stand for and this conflict drives him a lot in S2 . When he says why Esmanur is his favourite child he remarks that while he loves his children with Hatice, Esmanur is so precious to him because she’s not part of any dynasty he’s subservient to. At the same time he has his crisis with Hatice, he goes through several crises in this aspect with Süleyman too (and again, both conflcts are played at roughly the same time).  All things that would later doom him happened in S2 (things that he was guilty of, not simply blamed for something he didn’t do), he’s far more relaxed and certain of himself and his place in S3 before his death.

And after all problems were dealt with, Hatice’s paranoia concerning Ibrahim’s potential infidelity was healed once and for all. Even when Hürrem tries to scheme again and arranges Ibrahim to meet Nigar by accident in the Marble Pavillon, Hatice does not even intend to check because she trusts him 100% now. They were truly a happy family before Ibrahim’s death.

What destroyed once and for all was Ibrahim’s death and afterwards because it wasn’t just death of a spouse – following this event she effectively lost also another person very close to her – her brother. Of course after such horrible death when her husband’s body was dumped in unnamed grave in the forest and she can’t even go there (I suppose Matrakçi didn’t want to take her there because he was afraid seeing this could only make her despair more) as a result of brutal power games in the palace after which nobody was safe, a sensitive person lost it. Especially since she lost three people to whom she was closest most of out of her family in very close succession – her mother, her husband and her brother. And she had to live under one roof with people responsible for her husband’s death. Mahidevran and Mustafa also were gone to Manisa. She had Sah, who despite all loved her and wanted to help her, but it was of course a difficult relationship, also with some unresolved things. And instead of truly being there for his sister, Süleyman repeatedly made her even harder to heal by removing all traces of Ibrahim and trying to erase him, allowing Hürrem to hold a party in harem during mourning period, marrying her off against her will, ordering her to leave her palace, dismissing her as crazy and not trusting her at all (or again perhaps that’s what he wanted to believe) when Hürrem beat her up, etc. He never tried to understand her or truly talk to her, all he did was a series of actions that claimed were to make her heal, but were in fact cold orders that often were to made him feel better than actually help Hatice (but he could fool himself he is trying to help of course).

Then of course all injustices that befell Mustafa and his and Mahidevran’s despair, feeling that indeed Mustafa would be next and he would face Ibrahim’s fate made her decide for last desperate step.

And it’s again telling when Hatice comes to Süleyman following Hürrem’s disappearance – she says she finally has her brother again because now they experience the same and he finally understands her. For a short while, she looked happier because she finally had her brother back.Then again when she had her suicide speech he was again all about WHERE’S HURREM instead of even trying to listen to his sister’s words.

I think she was okay mother before Ibrahim’s death and later she was non-functional due to depression and since she could never consult a therapist or even leave this place forever (then she would be alone forever anyway), it could only lead to tragedy.

Hatice is precisely a tragic character, a sensitive soul which the palace life totally destroyed and all she wanted was to be happy with her family. She was a princess yet she could never be free or feel safe. Marrying for love was the only time she truly got what she wanted out of life and without it she would not only have even that. I think that even if she married someone she doesn’t love, so she would not be scared of losing them/would not suffer that much because of their loss would not make her be happier. She could even look at her sister, Beyhan, who didn’t marry for love and whose husband was executed for serious stuff, but yet she lost her brother forever and underwent serious trauma. Gevherhan in MYK also didn’t marry Topal out of love, but she nevertheless decided to create a happy family with him and tried to cherish what she had, but still she was humiliated by her brother, who again executed her (traitor)husband for a show after finally having paid attention to his neglected sister a day before, and her son was left without a father, their whole life uprooted. No matter who she married, Hatice could never be free of betrayal, death and power schemes, so at least she got some true love.

I think that it’s better to have something in your life even if loss than is more painful than if we don’t care about it than live more “secure”, especially since in Hatice’s case she could never have a peaceful life by the mere fact she belonged to the Ottoman dynasty and all its upheavals and conflicts had to somewhat always affect her.

And when it comes to betrayal, it was Süleyman’s, not Ibrahim’s, betrayal that Hatice could never recover and heal from.

- Joanna (also thanks to my friend and biggest Hatice fan & expert @queen-deter , who discussed this question with me 🥰)