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melanielocke · 3 years ago

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Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 32

AO3

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @alastair-appreciation-month

Previous Chapter: Chapter 31

Next Chapter: Chapter 33

Using what little time she could before they would enter the land of the thief, Lucie packed a small bag. She had no idea what she’d need, but it was best to come prepared. Her power so far had seemed endless in that world, the biggest limitation was that using magic exhausted her and in the worst case she’d pass out. The best she’d thought of so far was to pack lots of sugary snacks for a quick energy boosts. Luckily, aunt Sophie still had a lot of cookies she usually fed to the gnomes and her father had several packages of dextrose. She desperately hoped it would be enough. She wasn’t even sure if eating would help against the fatigue, but she didn’t have a better plan. Power naps whenever she was safe had helped so far, but she didn’t think she would find a safe enough place in the land of the thief, not with the schedule they were on.

She’d felt his power in that land. In between, there was more power, more darkness than here, and Lucie could harness it. In his realm, the power and darkness was even greater, even more unimaginable, but it was in his control. Lucie would have to fight him for dominance, and she knew it was not a fight she could win in the long run. Instead she would have to hold on long enough for Cordelia to use cortana and end his life.

Cordelia had packed lightly, only carrying a small bag with some food in case they’d have to stay long and a bottle of water. Lucie herself had gone for a bottle of lemonade so sweet it would probably make her teeth fall out. Everything for the extra energy, especially after tonight’s less than ideal sleep. If they’d had the time, Lucie would have chosen to sleep another night, but they didn’t. If they acted now, Alastair could still be saved.

Lucie had to admit she didn’t know Alastair as well as she wished. If only she could have foreseen he might do this, but it had never even crossed her mind. She didn’t even know he knew how to summon the thief. In between her recklessness, Cordelia’s heroism and Thomas’ stubbornness, they’d all thought Alastair was the cautious one, the one who thought things through and didn’t run into situations headlong. That was why, she presumed, her mother had urged him to be the voice of reason among the four of them. And she had a point, Alastair usually did think, but did thinking help when you started with some very wrong assumptions? Lucie did not think Alastair valued his own life very much. He would not risk her, or Thomas, or Cordelia unnecessary and that was why he was cautious, but he would easily sacrifice his own life because he didn’t think it mattered. Lucie didn’t even know where to begin with deconstructing such thoughts.

There were enough people Lucie loved deeply. Her parents, her brother James even if he annoyed her to death. Cordelia, of course. Thomas too. But she didn’t think she could trade away her soul for someone, nor did she think that was the kind of thing people you loved would expect of you. If they did, they shouldn’t, right? She imagined only selfish and horrible people would demand such sacrifice from the people close to them. Lucie would be horrified if anyone close to her would do this for her, and knowing Thomas, he would be too. Thomas already hated feeling like a burden, he hated it when people so much as inconvenienced themselves for his sake and Lucie expected he was going to be very upset when he found out what Alastair had done. Did Alastair believe that love meant sacrifice? She imagined perhaps being treated badly by people and being told that was love had caused him to believe that this was what you did when you loved someone.

‘Ready?’ Cordelia asked.

She was still wearing the crown hair braid Lucie had done yesterday, and although it was looking a bit messier it still held and would keep any hair out of her face.

‘I think so,’ Lucie said.

She didn’t feel ready, but she didn’t have time to wait. She didn’t think she’d feel more ready if she did. If anything, waiting and not doing anything only made her feel more nervous. Better to get this over with.

‘Whatever happens… In case we don’t make it, or the darkness gets the better of you. I love you,’ Cordelia said.

‘I love you too,’ Lucie said. ‘We will make it. Think positive. I’m sure that’ll help.’

Lucie struggled to think as positive as she wanted to. She knew it might not work out. She also knew the thief would have to be destroyed at some point. Her mother had lost her power and slept for 130 years just to seal him in, and if he broke through… Lucie wasn’t sure what he’d do, but she imagined it would be bad.

‘Are you ready, Lulu?’

It was her father, carrying one of Alastair’s dagger. ‘You know, my offer to come with you still stands. You’re far too young to go on such a dangerous mission alone.’

‘I’m not going alone,’ Lucie said. ‘I’m going with Cordelia. I think too many people would only make it more risky. Besides, I’m the only one who has the power to get to him, and we don’t have the time to wait until I’m older, or stronger.’

‘You’re right,’ Will said with a sigh. ‘I just got off the phone with James. He’s on his way here too, but won’t be there in time to see you. But you could call him before you go.’

Lucie nodded, and took her phone out of her pocket, calling James. She’d have to make it quick, but if she didn’t survive she would have at least said goodbye.

‘I’m in the bus right now, so not the best place for a phone call,’ James said. ‘I’ll be there somewhere this evening. I hope.’

‘I hope I’ll be there around that time too, but I can’t make any promises,’ Lucie said. ‘Listen, I don’t have much time. Daisy and I have to go, we have to defeat the thief of souls before midnight.’

‘I still don’t really understand what’s going on there,’ James said. ‘I’m starting to regret going on a holiday with Matthew instead.’

‘Don’t be sorry, Jamie,’ Lucie said. ‘I’m glad you and Matthew had fun. It would have been too dangerous for you here anyway. I have my powers to protect me, you don’t. I would even say, don’t come here, but I know you and I know you’re not going to listen.’

‘You guessed that right,’ James said. ‘I’m coming for you, Lu.’

‘Big brothers are the worst,’ Lucie said with a groan. ‘But I love you, Jamie. I hope I’ll see you when you arrive. And if not…’

‘I love you too, Lu. I wish you didn’t have to go.’

‘Me too, but the thief has to be stopped, and if we succeed in time, there’s still a chance Alastair will survive.’

Lucie didn’t know what her father had explained about the situation with Alastair. She knew James still didn’t like him, and she understood, but she hoped he would be a bit more empathetic now that he knew about the situation.

‘Dad told me about what Alastair did for Thomas,’ James said. ‘I never knew he had it in him to do something so selfless.’

‘I don’t think he should have,’ Lucie said. ‘I don’t think Thomas would have wanted him to. But I’m going to do what I can to save them both.’

Cordelia was signaling to her that they needed to hurry.

‘I really have to go, Jamie.’

‘Come back, alright,’ James said before hanging up.

‘James?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Yes,’ Lucie said as they left, walking to the ruins.

She wasn’t absolutely sure it was where the thief would be, but Lucie imagined it would be the best place to start their search. She desperately hoped he would be there. If not, she wasn’t so sure how to find him.

‘How is he?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Worried. Also on his way here.’

‘I hope that’s not going to be too awkward,’ Cordelia said.

‘I think he’s pretty much over you and likes you better as a friend,’ Lucie said. She hoped that was true. ‘Mostly, he’s hoping we don’t die.’

‘My mother lost it when I told her the truth. I didn’t have the time to explain everything. She fears I’m following too much into my father’s footsteps, but she is also terrified for Alastair, and very angry with him.’

‘She’s not also on her way here?’ Lucie asked.

‘She is,’ Cordelia confirmed. ‘Risa is driving her, she’s in no state to drive herself right now. They’ll also be there in the evening, I think. Apparently she considered coming before, but hoped Jem would make sure we were alright, and she wanted to give us space. Now there’s a very real chance Alastair might die, and I think she blames herself. She tries to hide it, but she feels like it’s all her fault, that she didn’t protect Alastair enough.’

‘But that’s true, isn’t it?’ Lucie said and then she realized how insensitive that might sound. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.’

‘No, it’s true. But it’s also not that simple, I think,’ Cordelia said. ‘She could have protected us better, and should have left Father much sooner. But she also loved him. He saved her life, that’s how they met. He was traveling in Iran, hunting a rogue vampire that had killed several people. Father had chased it all the way from Greece to Iran, and then in Tehran it tried to kill maman and he saved her and finally killed the vampire. That’s how they fell in love. Or at least how she fell in love with him. And for a long time, she tried to deny the problem, she wanted to believe he was still the hero who saved her. And I cannot blame her for that. Nor does Alastair, although I don’t think he understands how she could still love him. I think he always felt like it was up to him to protect her and take care of her and he did the best he could.’

Cordelia had started crying softly, and Lucie took her hand. She understood Sona a bit better now. Her father had also saved her mother from something dangerous once. Her mother had criticized his methods and his recklessness and Lucie had always thought that was terribly romantic. Many of her love stories involved her characters saving each other. She’d never considered how difficult it might become if your hero did change or had never been the person you thought they were in the first place.

‘We’re here,’ Lucie said. ‘I’m going to take us straight to his realm this time.’

She opened the gateway and stepped through to the gates of a castle. It was exactly like the one she’d dreamt off, this had to be it.

***

Thomas had no idea for how long he’d been walking when he encountered a castle. Time felt odd here, like it was slipping away with every step he took, like it moved sideways instead of forward. He gripped onto the few memories he had. He was Thomas Lightwood, and he needed to get out of here and get back to his family. He hadn’t yet figured out who the girl with the light brown hair and the boy with the dark eyes were, but he knew they had to be important too.

He kept thinking of that boy most of all. He had to be important, with how often Thomas thought of him. And he was so beautiful… Golden brown skin, black hair and eyes, sharp, but delicate features. There was a certain sadness in his eyes too, and Thomas wondered why. Was it something he’d done? It had to be, why else would he remember the boy as being sad? Whatever he’d done to hurt him, Thomas needed to get back and make it up to him. If only he could remember who he was…

The castle looked vaguely familiar, built in what he guessed was medieval style. It wasn’t a style he was particularly fond of, but he figured it was better to go inside than to keep wandering in the woods. Perhaps inside there would be some clues. Perhaps the dark eyed boy would be there, but Thomas didn’t think so. He suspected that boy might not like the look of this castle that much either, although he wasn’t sure why he thought that. Considering the clothes the boy wore, he expected him to have good taste.

Inside was empty. Thomas wandered through the halls and something about it was familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Had he been here before? Thomas didn’t remember much from before. He tried to think of the boy, unable to recall his name. Who was he? When had they met? And what had Thomas done to hurt him?

‘Why do you keep following me?’ the dark eyed boy demanded.

Thomas wasn’t sure how to answer. He had been following Alastair around a lot, because Thomas liked being near him, but he wasn’t about to admit that. At fourteen, Thomas didn’t think he was ready to come out and he wasn’t sure how Alastair would respond if he found out Thomas was in love with him. Better to admire him from a distance.

‘Are you going to answer, Lightwood?’ he asked. ‘Lost your tongue, perhaps?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Thomas said quietly, not meeting Alastair’s eyes.

‘I didn’t ask for an apology, I asked for an explanation,’ Alastair said.

Thomas didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what explanation he could offer other than being in love with Alastair. He liked being near him, even if Alastair wasn’t nice to him. Thomas had come to realize Alastair could be kinder when his friends weren’t around and he suspected Alastair was afraid his friends would turn on him. Thomas wished Alastair would see his friends sucked, and Thomas would be kinder to him than they ever hoped to be.

‘Clive has been whispering,’ Alastair continued when Thomas didn’t say anything. ‘He says you’re gay and that’s why you’re so obsessed with me. I told him that’s ludicrous, of course, but if you don’t back off he just might start saying it out loud. You know how rumors can spread, you wouldn’t want that, would you?’

Thomas didn’t know what to make of Alastair’s statement. Was it a threat? A promise? A warning, perhaps? Thomas wanted to think it was the last one. Alastair might be mean and snarky, but he wouldn’t out Thomas, right?

‘Listen, Lightwood, you’re nice. I can’t for the life of me figure out why you’re so insistent on following me around, but you’re starting to attract the wrong kind of attraction and you’re going to get yourself in trouble. Just move along, go back to your stupid little friends and leave me be.’

Thomas hesitated. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ Alastair bit back. ‘I never asked for a little child to follow me around school.’

Alastair seemed upset. It wasn’t the first time Thomas had seen him get upset, Other people tended to miss it and thought he was just mean or difficult. But his eyes were always haunted, and no matter how cruel his words were, he said then with sadness carefully concealed underneath that bitterness he showed the world. Thomas was worried about him. He wasn’t so sure Alastair was alright. It felt different with him than the other bullies. Boys like Clive Cartwright seemed to enjoy themselves when they made fun of Thomas, they laughed. Alastair didn’t, not beyond that wicked smile that admittedly made Thomas’ heart skip a beat. He didn’t seem to have fun tormenting others, he didn’t think it was funny. It was as if he wanted to drive everyone away.

‘Is everything alright, Alastair?’ Thomas asked softly. ‘You seem very upset.’

‘You don’t know anything about me,’ Alastair yelled at him, raising his voice for the first time. ‘You don’t understand a thing. Get away from me, just leave me alone.’

Thomas couldn’t place the memory in a context. He’d been in love with Alastair then, and Thomas guessed he still was now, but he didn’t remember anything that had happened after this. He wished he could remember, wished he could be sure Alastair was alright, but this had been years ago, and anything after was blank.

Thomas heard voices, both female. There were people in here then, and they were willing to speak at least amongst themselves. Perhaps they could help him find his way home. He was now certain that not only his family needed him, but this dark eyed boy as well. He’d done something wrong, he felt. He needed to apologize, even if he wasn’t quite sure what for.

He encountered the two girls in a long corridor. One had red hair and the same brown skin and dark eyes as the boy from his memory. Alastair, he reminded himself. His name was Alastair. He didn’t recognize her beyond her similarities to Alastair though. The other girl he did recognize. He’d seen her face too.

‘Thomas!’ the girl exclaimed. ‘We’ve been so worried about you, thank the heavens we found you.’

She did know how him then, although he guessed that made sense if he could recall her face. She was a friend, right?

‘Who are you?’ Thomas asked.

The girl took a step back. ‘Do you not remember us, Thomas? Do all people here forget? Where’s Alastair when you need him.’

‘I do know my name,’ Thomas said. ‘And I remember my family, and Alastair. I remembered your face as well. But I don’t remember who you are.’

‘I’m Lucie,’ she said. ‘Lucie Herondale. We’re great friends. And you know Cordelia as well, don’t you? She’s my girlfriend, although that’s a pretty new thing and we haven’t had the chance to tell you yet.’

Lucie did ring a bell. Cordelia… he wasn’t so sure. He turned to Cordelia. ‘Do you know Alastair?’

‘He’s my brother,’ Cordelia said.

She looked sad when she spoke of him, and Thomas wondered if it had anything to with what he must have done.

‘You look like him. Do you know where he is? I think I need to apologize to him.’

Lucie frowned. ‘What for?’

‘I don’t know,’ Thomas said. ‘I feel he is very sad, and I thought maybe it’s my fault he’s so sad.’

Cordelia looked pained. ‘It’s not your fault, Thomas. You did the best you could. He’s been through a lot in the past, and you’re right that he’s usually sad although he hides it well. I think that’s why you remember him as sad.’

Thomas guessed that made sense. He remembered wondering at school, why was he like that, why was he so sad? His father had suggested once to invite Alastair over to their house, but Thomas didn’t. They weren’t actually friends, were they? He didn’t think Alastair liked his presence at all, although now he guessed what Alastair had said had been a warning too, to protect him.

‘Why can’t I remember?’ Thomas asked. ‘Where am I?’

‘We don’t have much time,’ Lucie said. ‘We’ll explain everything on the way.’

Thomas frowned. ‘Where are we going?’

Cordelia sighed. ‘That’s the thing. We thought he would be here, but there’s no one here but you. We’re looking for the thief, but if he’s not here we’re not sure where to find him.’

Thomas was even more confused. ‘What thief? What did he steal?’

‘You, Thomas. He stole you. Your soul, that is, and countless others,’ Lucie said. ‘If we do not find him and end his life, you will die and stay here forever.’

Thomas swallowed. He couldn’t die here, he needed to find his way back to his family, to Alastair. He began to remember Lucie. He remembered reading bits and pieces of her writing, although she was very nervous about letting him read anything. He remembered playing video games together, discussing story ideas. Thomas was more of a song writer than a book writer than Lucie was, but he’d written some songs to go with Lucie’s stories. He didn’t think he’d ever told her about his songs though… Why hadn’t he? They must have really sucked.

‘Where’s Alastair?’ Thomas asked. ‘Shouldn’t he be with you? And didn’t you say we needed his help?’

‘Alastair could help you with your memory,’ Cordelia said. ‘But we don’t know where he is. He’s in this world somewhere. He… he sacrificed himself for you. If we don’t kill the thief soon, he will die.’

‘For me?’ Thomas tried to imagine it, but he couldn’t picture the boy from school doing such a thing. He remembered something more, going on a walk with Alastair which can’t have been that long ago. Talking about all sorts of things. They were friends, maybe? Thomas didn’t doubt he still loved Alastair, but wasn’t sure where they stood right now. ‘Why would he do such a thing?’

There were tears in Cordelia’s eyes, perhaps Thomas should not have asked such a question.

‘He loves you. And he thinks it would be better if he died if that meant you would survive.’

Did that mean Alastair was his boyfriend? ‘But I would never want that,’ Thomas said. ‘I don’t want anyone to die for me. I… I can’t remember. Did I agree to this? Did I let him die?’

What sort of monster was he, if he’d allowed this? What had he done? Maybe that was what he needed to apologize to Alastair for.

‘I don’t think so,’ Cordelia said. ‘I think he made this decision alone, and never told anyone. You were probably already here, or at least in a deep sleep, when he did it. Don’t beat yourself up over it, it wasn’t your fault. Lucie, any ideas to find the thief now? Can the other souls help?’

‘They’re under his control,’ Lucie said, ‘but his power is spread thin. I think I can command some of his souls.’

Thomas wasn’t sure he understood what Lucie was doing when she started speaking to the souls once they were outside. They came to listen. Something drew them there. Thomas wanted to listen too. He wanted to do as she asked. Perhaps he was a soul too. Lucie could see ghosts, he remembered. She’d always seen ghosts.

‘I need you to find the thief of souls, and return to me. And if by chance you come upon Alastair Carstairs, bring him to me.’

‘Do they know who Alastair is?’ Thomas asked Lucie.

‘They don’t, but I do so that’s enough,’ Lucie said. ‘They take my commands quite well.’

‘That’s good news, but be careful with saving power,’ Cordelia said. ‘You’ll have to keep everything at bay while I fight him.’

Cordelia was carrying a golden sword, so Thomas guessed she would be the one who could kill the thief of souls. To do that, they had to find him though.

‘I’m not dead, am I?’ Thomas asked.

‘Not yet,’ Lucie said. ‘But if we don’t kill the thief, you or Alastair will die.’

‘If he hides from you, does that mean you can defeat him?’ Thomas said. ‘If he believed he could easily win this fight, he’d confront you and try to kill you. If he’s hiding, that means he’s scared, doesn’t it?’

‘Perhaps, but I’m counting on the worst until something proves otherwise,’ Cordelia said.

‘Or perhaps it’s because of the deadline,’ Lucie mused.

‘It won’t matter to him if he dies now or tomorrow,’ Cordelia said. ‘The deadline matters for us, because if we fail Alastair or Thomas will die. But their souls have no use for him if he’s dead. Nor do I think one more soul will tip the scales and make him too strong to defeat.

Thomas, if we find Alastair, I must ask you not to kiss him until after the thief dies. Alastair’s bargain is fulfilled when he kisses you and then he’d die.’

Thomas longed to kiss Alastair, had for a long time, so he was glad for the warning. Would Alastair kiss him when they reunited, without telling him what he’d done, never giving him a choice? He didn’t quite understand what Alastair had done, and most importantly, why. He would never have asked Alastair to die for him, he would never have wanted it. He wasn’t sure how he’d feel when he saw Alastair again. He would be happy, of course, if they both survived, but he was also upset about what he’d done. He knew it was sweet in a way, that Alastair had done it out of love, but it was too much. Thomas had never wanted anyone to die for him, least of all Alastair.

#Lucie Herondale #Thomas Lightwood #cordelia carstairs #Alastair Carstairs #the last hours #Thomastair #Lucelia #fanfiction #tlh

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panvani · 4 years ago

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So far what do you think on the relationship between Vanitas & Misha compared to Gil & Vincent

Not especially comparable aside from the general deuteragonist elder brother/supporting antagonist younger brother dynamic. The way Mochizuki writes sibling relationships when they’re biological (as in Vincent and Gil’s case) vs when they’re through adoption/choice (as in Vanitas and Misha’s case) is very different. Nearly every example of a sibling relationship without a biological component (Oz and Alice, Oz and Ada, Sharon and Break, Jeanne and Chloé, etc.) have been far more healthy and warm than relationships that are based on blood relation (Vincent and Gil, Lacie and Oswald, Domi and her siblings). There are exceptions, of course (Noise and Vincent have a sibling relationship with no blood relation, and their interactions are for much of the story built around making each other as miserable as possible) but Mochizuki’s stories, in line with the general theme that one’s birth does not make you who you are, tend to portray familial relationships formed by choice rather than by birth as more healthy. In fact, Vincent and Gil are the only biological sibling pairing to appear in Pandora Hearts that are not directly or indirectly responsible for each other’s deaths.

That said, Mochizuki’s stories tend to prioritize sibling relationships as the most important form of love. I know that’s a bit controversial, but considering that Mochizuki is the youngest of four, has specifically attributed her choice to become a mangaka to her older sister, frequently thanks her older siblings (especially her eldest brother and his wife) in her afterwords, and has at several points made self deprecating remarks regarding her lack of marriage/romance... it’s not surprising that her stories would favor relationships between siblings, even though romance is a prominent element. Pandora Hearts is primarily driven by sibling relationships- it’s the point in establishing that the Child of Ill Omen is most frequently the younger sibling of Glen while establishing these are the two most influential forces in the progression of the narrative. It’s why Oz and Alice ultimately had a sibling relationship instead of a romance, because the narrative as a whole considers sibling love to be more powerful than romance. So far the biggest acts of love in Vanitas have been Jeanne’s attempts to save Chloé, who she regarded as an elder sister, and Vanitas’s childhood attempts to save Misha, who he regarded as a younger brother.

My reason in comparing Vincent and Gil’s relationship to Vanitas and Misha’s despite not really seeing them as all that similar is because Vincent and Gil’s relationship fucking sucks. Exactly how unhealthy their relationship was (and it was deeply, deeply unhealthy) is something I’d have to explain over SEVERAL posts, but they are deliberately set up as the sibling relationship most likely to fail. Like I said before, every single biological sibling pair in PH ended with one sibling directly or indirectly killing the other with Vincent and Gil as the sole exception. They in particular are astounding because the nature of he Glen/Ill Omened dynamic is to set up a power structure that inevitably results in the elder sibling killing the younger. Gil’s narration directly admits to using Vincent, to making him into a scapegoat for Gil’s own bad behavior, he ends up telling Vincent directly he doesn’t care at all what Vincent does so long as it doesn’t affect Gil, and Vincent wants to be treated that way, because being treated terribly by Gil is conducive to the circumstances necessary for Vincent’s suicide.

Compared to that? Vanitas and Misha have it pretty good, actually. Throughout the story Vanitas has been characterized as invariably selfish-- even when he does give things to others, it’s to establish power over them or further his own goals. This is because of Vanitas’s own inability to accept kindness, but it’s what he does nonetheless. Though he’s incredibly self destructive and masochistic, Vanitas is not in any way selfless or kind. That he do what he did for Misha in Mémoire 48 is major, because Vanitas, clearly terrified, sacrifices his own well being for Misha’s sake in a way that would have no benefit to him aside from being spared the sight of Misha’s suffering. Vanitas loved Misha very, very deeply and it’s clear he still does in the immense guilt he has surrounding him as an adult. Similarly, Misha wants Vanitas’s affection, takes genuine pleasure in his presence and approval. He identifies Vanitas as something warm and deliberately seeks him out just because he feels safe around him.

Vincent and Gil never had that. There wasn’t ever any warmth between them. What they had was out of necessity, as neither had anywhere else to go. In Retrace LXXXIX Gil says that as a child he had hated Vincent so much it made him want to die, and in the way Vincent narrates their early childhood and his subsequent obsession with controlling Gil’s feelings it’s obvious he had understood this. It’s a major problem I have with a lot of people’s depictions of their relationship, actually- Vincent didn’t want what he wanted because he felt he had lost Gil’s affection. Vincent wanted what he wanted because he didn’t believe Gil had ever loved him to begin with. The problems didn’t start with Sablier, they just reached a boiling point there. Vincent understood himself as something that Gil used, and believed the problem was not a wrong turn in their relationship but that Vincent had been born at all.

So, yeah, in short: if Gil and Vincent, who had absolutely nothing going for them at any point in the story and everything going against them, were able to make up... then Vanitas and Misha, who clearly did really love each other and want for each other’s presence, will definitely be able to do the same.

#logxx #logam #answers #ph spoilers #vnc spoilers #meta #long post #Anonymous

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marshmallowprotection · 4 years ago

Text

Calluna

Pairing: Saeran Choi/Reader

Fairytale AU.

Description:

The Prince has been bound to the castle walls, and he’s never been able to leave from it. The only place that he has to escape to are the books that he reads and the garden that he’s allowed to venture into every evening. But, what happens when he encounters someone that has eyes that know a world unlike his own?

Inspired by a drawing by @sensetenou

Chapter Index

Chapter Nine

“Look at you,” hand brushing against the glass. “Every bit of a prince’s date.”

A wolf in sheep’s clothing was more like it.

You stared at the reflection in front of you. Sure, you looked the part of someone who would be attending a party but you knew the truth: You were nothing but a thief who was going to abuse the only relationship that you had ever made. It didn’t matter if it was against your will, you had tried nothing to get yourself out of this mess.

You bowed your head and accepted that you were going to do what Red Hood told you to do. It was what you always did. A little songbird that knew who owed them.

Clenching your fists tightly at your sides, you swallowed down the self-loathing in your heart. You sincerely didn’t want to go through with it but you had to do this.

Red Hood would kill the prince if you hesitated.

At this point, as much as your heart detested the person that you were, you might have accepted your own death if it meant that Ray lived. You were scared, sure, anyone naturally would be fearful of the end if it was placed in front of them. But, Ray was important to not only you but the rest of the small kingdom.

You knew that the queen had been whisking people away, and you knew that something wasn’t right with her rule. If she was allowed to continue, then combined with the power Red Hood had in the sea and land underneath her nose, everyone would know the taste of absolution. It couldn’t keep going on like that. One villain was enough.

Ray was a gentle soul.

He would help the people in every way that he could. You had faith in him, more than you had faith in anyone on this planet. His kind smile flickered in the back of your mind. He was truly selfless and fiercely loyal to his aspirations. The kingdom would be in good hands whether you were banished or killed.

It pained you to know that you wouldn’t see him ever again after tonight. That made the night all the more bittersweet. You wanted to imprint a lasting memory of him in your heart for the future when you wouldn’t have him closeby any longer. For his sake alone, you wanted to ensure that the night was something perfect.

If that was all you could gift a king, then you would give it to him.

Your heart would always belong to him.

Pulling the mask over your face, you gave one last look into the mirror. Sufficient enough. Nobody would ever know who you truly were, not even the guard who had a glimmer of your face underneath your hood once before. Funny, all you ever wanted was to be able to show your face to other people without worrying about what would happen if they knew your face enough to match it to the fleeting wanted poster that existed.

Now you had it.

“I expect you to be back here before midnight,” Red Hood’s voice drew you from your thoughts. He was waiting for you outside your room. “Not a moment later. Don’t disappoint me tonight, Sparrow. You remember our deal and I will make good on it if you dare try to escape.”

You clenched your teeth.

He already knew that you were cornered, but this man just wanted to watch you squirm. He gained a sick delight out of making people feel powerless. You knew that look in his golden eyes better than you knew the back of your hand. That was why you bit back every horrible thing that you wanted to say about him.

It was one thing to be underneath the heel of a monster, but to fight back when you knew that held all the cards? That was a fool’s errand. Zen had warned you to be careful with what you were doing and now you were reaping the price of not heeding his words. You wished that you had listened to him or that you would have tried harder to dodge Red Hood’s suspicion.

But, you knew that nothing you could have done would have changed a thing.

His eyes were everywhere and his power was unstoppable. It didn’t matter how far you ran or how much you hid, Red Hood would find out what you were from hiding from him and he would take it away from you for his gain. That was how he got his power and you would never forget that fact as long as you lived.

Red Hood smirked. Leaning over, he tucked a feather into your hair without even budging. “There we go, a reminder of your place, little birdie. Now, run along, enjoy your little evening with the prince for as long as you want. Just remember what you owe me.”

Never tearing your eyes away from him, you forced yourself to smile. You weren’t going to let him see you cry again. “Understood.”

—

It didn’t take long to find him in the crowd of people. He stood out like a sore thumb as he gazed upon everyone around him and got used to the feeling of existing amongst the people. Even in a mask, you’d seen his smile and known it to be him. You would know those lips anywhere and you would know him to be the one amazed by the smallest detail.

Pushing aside the plans ahead, you tapped twice on his shoulder and garnered his attention. He smiled at you, and your chest pulled hard. The pang of regret and loathing biting at you. “Would you care to join me for a dance?”

You took his hand and he whisked you away.

Spinning around and around the dance floor, you could feel your heart race as he invaded your senses from all sides. You had wondered what it would feel like to be so close to Ray while the rest of the world could see you, but as it turned out, you felt like it was no different than when you were alone with him in the garden.

It was like the rest of the world didn’t exist when you were with him.

You would enjoy the time that you had with him while you could. You didn’t want the memory of his warmth to be bathed in sadness. Ray was a great dancer, and he knew just what to do to make you let out a little gasp.

When you were alone and closely knit, he would be prone to trip over his own feet but when he had to be the dazzling prince? All that fear and shyness dissolved around you. He stood proudly and tall with no trace of that edge.

He was every bit a price as much as you were a thief.

As it was meant to be. You had only wished that your circumstances had been different. Would it be the same if Ray had been born of the commonwealth and able to ask you for your hand as anyone else would be able to do if they so wanted? What would Ray have been like if he wasn’t trapped behind the tall walls of his palace?

Would he still stutter and stammer whenever you managed to show him something that he had never seen before? Would he still look at you with those dazzling eyes? Would he still grasp your hand with the tenderness only given to someone you care greatly for? Would Ray still want to kiss you in the same feverous way?

Would you still want to kiss him with the same vigor?

Yes, you thought. It wouldn’t matter if he was rich or not, it didn’t matter if he was a prince or not, you could see yourself falling deeply entranced with his soul over and over again. Perhaps in your next life, it would be possible that you both could love each other without fearing the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You could only pray.

If only you were the praying type.

You never wanted this dance to end, but the band slowed their music down and you and he came to a rest in the middle of the ballroom. Your hand that gripped his shoulder just wouldn’t let go of him at all. "I'm happy you came," he said.

"Thank you for inviting me," you said, automatically. "I've never seen you look happier, my prince."

"And I've never seen you so dazzling," he returned. "I mean it. Everyone in the room hasn't taken their eyes off of you. You've managed to enchant the entire kingdom just by being yourself with me. If I didn't know any better, I would dare say that they think you're royalty while I'm merely a commoner vying for your attention."

There was a faint blush on his cheek that he couldn't hide away, not from you. There was a smile on your lips but it didn't seem to meet your eyes as it normally did. If anyone was looking at you, you had no idea, you had only cared for his eyes on you. He looked so happy, so very happy, and you truly did wish that you could feel his joy.

It was selfish of you to linger like this. Your time was on a deadline but you wanted to stay with Ray forever. He couldn’t tell that anything was amiss and you were happy about that. At least, he would never know the truth.

It didn’t stop your guilt.

Ray tucked a strand of stray hair behind your ear with a smile. "Thank you, [Y/N]. You've always believed in me and seen me for someone more than that. I want to be a great king so you'll be proud of me."

You looked away from him, your hand slowly removing itself from his grasp. "I am proud of you, Ray," you whispered. "I always will be. I hope that you'll never forget just how much you mean to me, and I hope that no matter what happens, you'll always think of me fondly."

He leaned over and gently brushed his lips to your own in a gentle peck. You didn't push him away when he took the kiss. You accepted that kiss as if your life depended on it. It did, in a way, your hope in him depended on how he would be able to remember you. You knew, with a bittersweet heart that you had found the person that you wanted to love forever, just as your parents had someone that they loved so much that they could never part from, not even in death.

It was funny, your parents had left you behind with the memory of a love story that the rest of the world would never know and now you were leaving Ray with a love story that never got to begin. Your future was bleak but you had faith in him and where his dreams would take him. He was going to get to do great things.

You would love to see him grow from afar, even if all that remained of you were tonight.

You hoped that one day he would be able to forgive you for leaving him.

"I can say the same," he murmured, his forehead pressed against your own. "I hope you'll always keep me deep inside your heart."

Silence overtook the two of you for a single moment, a solitary moment where the world didn't matter, just the feeling that the two of you felt for each other. The moment was broken when a hand brushed against his shoulder, a blond man came to grab his attention, of course. You knew him to be someone in his staff.

It was time.

Why couldn’t you have more time?

"I hate to interrupt, my prince, but your presence has been requested by King Han," he smiled, rather apologetically to Ray and you. "It's a pressing matter that needs to be discussed. I hope your friend won't mind if I cut in?"

"..."

"It's alright," you spoke up. It was time to say goodbye. You pressed your hand against his shoulder for a long second and squeezed. "Go on, my prince. You've got matters of state to attend to. I'll be here when you return, okay?"

Ray smiled at you. "I promise I won't be long."

"Take your time," you said.

Ray spared one last look at you and despite the pain in your heart, you smiled at him. It was your parting gift. You hoped that this memory would persist in his mind despite what he may come to think of you once the night was over. It would be what it would be and you were okay with that, you had no choice but to be okay with that. Still, once he was far gone from your sight, you turned your back and started your trek to return to the life of a criminal and not the welcomed guest of the prince.

No matter what you seemed to do, tears burned at the cusp of your vision. You would always be a thief in the night.

—

The trek to the room where the crown was being kept was not a long-shot from where you were. It was just out of sight and mind where the party guests wouldn’t think to bother. You skillfully made your way through the halls as you had the last time that you were here, ducking and hiding out of the line of sight of a few guards till you were certain you were in the clear.

The door was locked, but you expected as much, tucking a pin from your satchel, you fiddled with the heavy lock until it opened with a clatter.

It was too easy, but it had been nearly this easy the last time when you took the gems from this room. Red Hood had wanted the jewels from the crown the first time but now he wanted the crown itself.

Why?

A crown was easier to track down and more pointedly something that the queen would want back if it was taken. What was it about the crown that he wanted? Weren’t the gems not enough? It didn’t make much sense to you, but you couldn’t help but wonder what the heck his goal was. You were risking all of your livelihood for a crown.

Why?

Shutting the door, you entered the room, breathing in deeply. You were taking your time to inspect the room for longer than you had the last time. Along the wall was tapestry and paintings of former kings and queens, faces you didn’t know but you knew to be of a long line of people who were given their divine right by blood.

Pausing at the end of the line, you found a painting that had been harmed, or at the very least—

Tampered with?

“Huh?”

It was the queen, her blonde curls framing her face elegantly. Her hands resting upon Ray’s shoulders as she was depicted with a bright smile. For someone that you knew to be not all they seemed, this was made to paint her to be a saint. Yet, as your eyes followed the line that should have led to the king’s face, you narrowed your eyes.

Distorted, the painting was distorted, almost as if you weren’t meant to know what his face looked like.

Burned, perhaps? No , you stared harder.

Something wasn’t right about it. But, you weren’t sure what. The face should have been clear but it wasn’t. Granted, it could have been the darkness in the room and the fact that the painting stretched to the ceiling but it didn’t feel right. There was a knot in your stomach but you tore your eyes away from the painting to look on ahead, to where the crown was waiting on a stand.

You didn’t have time to play guessing games with spirits or magic in a castle that you knew to be cursed. If Ray was cursed, who was to say that the castle didn’t have other magic within it? You didn’t want to find yourself at the end of an angry spirit or witch. That was the last thing that you needed to deal with.

“There it is,” you murmured. “That’s it.”

The crown, the symbol of status and power of the king, and the very thing that was going to save Ray from being harmed. Putting aside every feeling in your gut, you walked forward and wavered as your hands came to rest over the crown. You hesitated, knowing that this was the crime that would force you to run for the rest of your days.

You knew not where you would go or what you would do once you were free, but you knew that this was the point in your life where you had no choice. It wasn’t as if you had ever had a choice in the first place. Red Hood had owned you for as long as you could remember and he would own you until you returned this to him.

Heavy was the hand that held the crown, you thought.

Willing yourself to do it, you reached out once more and took a hold of the crown. It weighed nothing in your hands but it weighed everything inside your heart. Glimmering in silver and gold, this was the price of your soul. This was the price of your freedom. This was the price of your happiness. This was the price of Ray’s life.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, once more, eyes darting in the direction of the painting of Ray. You meant it, even if he would never know how deeply sorry you were for everything.

This small object… this crown…

It held all the power in your world.

Turning from the platform, you started to head for the door to leave, but you were stopped by the sudden slam in front of you as moonlight poured into the room and fire illuminated your features by a group of strangers, strangers you knew to be dressed like the guard for the castle.

Your eyes widened at the sight, almost in shock that someone had appeared when you had seen no sign of guards in nearly a half-hour.

Your body didn’t seem to react, stunned to silence as you and the guards just stared at each other trying to figure out the purpose. By the time you remembered that you needed to run, that you needed to duck out the window as fast as possible, one of the guards shouted, “A thief! Come to steal the crown! Seize them!”

The crown dropped to the floor in a clatter but it was too late.

You were captured just as quickly as you had been found.

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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How old was jason when he died? And when he was resurrected?? And that time he spent dead make him crazier than Ra's when he is under the pit's effect?

The general consensus as far as I’m aware is that Jason was fifteen when he died, and he came back to Gotham in Under the Red Hood about five years later. There’s a couple different versions of the in between time, but most common I believe is that he was resurrected due to multiverse bullshit (like, the official explanation is that an evil teenage version of Clark Kent punched the dimensional walls of the place he was trapped outside of normal time/space so hard that the ripple effects of him breaking through like, caused ‘hiccups’ or anomalies across various universes - one of these being Jason’s resurrection. Yeah. I’m not making this up. LOL).

ANYWAY. The go-to version of the timeline I believe is that this happened about six months after Jason died, which was right around the time Tim started trying to convince Dick to come back and be Robin again and ultimately ended up becoming Robin himself. When Jason dug himself out of his grave, he was largely catatonic and unresponsive, and here’s where it tends to be most vague. After some period of time, which could have been anything from days to weeks to months, depending on who you ask, Talia was in Gotham for supervillain shenanigans or whatnot, came across him and realized who he was, and took him back to the League with her.

Where again it depends on who you ask, after some period of time, ultimately Talia convinced Ra’s to put Jason in the Pit to see if it would restore him to full consciousness and heal the remaining physical after-effects of his death. And also, her reasons for doing this tend to be subject to your own personal interpretation of Talia. Some view this as her doing it for Bruce’s sake, some view it as her just wanting to use Jason as her pawn against Bruce, etc.

Personally, I view it as somewhat in between, though again this is just my take. I ignore ‘Talia the rapist’ characterizations in both regards to her actions with Bruce and Jason, so I mean, I’m just not here for Morrison or Winick’s take on her in that regard. BUT I also kinda....highly object to the ‘soft’ characterizations of Talia that kind of make her the ideal parent that highlights how crappy Bruce is in comparison? Like, its no secret that I’m hugely critical of Bruce’s parenting, but I just....personally am not a fan of acting like Talia is amazing at it and noble and selfless either. I don’t like the outright vilification of Talia - especially when she ends up coming across as worse than Ra’s, which, no thank you - BUT I don’t like...blunting all her edges either, for lack of a better phrasing.

I tend to view her as someone who is extremely ambitious, ruthless and uncompromising in her own ways. I think a huge part of her dynamic with Bruce is that they mirror each other in so many ways, even if they’re not always on the same page. She’s often used as a narrative foil to Bruce, but I disagree - I think Selina and Bruce are the ‘opposites attract’ whereas Talia and Bruce are the ‘like calls to like/their bond in large part stems from how well they understand each other, even though they have different goals and aims most of the time’.

But point being, like......I don’t like shallow, two-dimensional interpretations of Talia where she’s just evil and has no shades of gray to her, but I also don’t like the flip side of that and her being viewed as the lesser of two evils compared to Bruce. Like, sorry not sorry, I think both of them need to take some parenting classes. Unless you drastically change Damian’s entire backstory and characterization by the time he arrives in Gotham, and/or insist that Damian’s upbringing was all entirely due to Ra’s control and Talia at no point in ten years had the option of arranging for her son to end up with Bruce or somewhere else where he didn’t spend his childhood being taught that affection was a sign of weakness and how to murder his nanny in six hundred different ways and show his work plz, like......I have trouble with the super!mom Talia takes.

All of which is just to say....I don’t believe Talia brought Jason back with her and put him in the Pit out of the goodness of her heart, but I don’t think it was entirely absent of positive intentions either? If that makes sense? I just mean...she’s a SUPER complicated woman in my take, and that’s what makes her so much more interesting than she’s usually reduced to being in a lot of stories. Talia is not as stone cold as she often comes across as a defense mechanism - I think she is someone who feels things deeply, but she shuts that down even harder than Bruce. She’s a very pragmatic individual, and I think she tends to justify a lot of even her most emotional-driven choices by finding an advantageous spin she can put forth as her ‘real reason’ for doing things.

So....I think her feelings for Bruce DID have a lot to do with her taking Jason with her. She does love Bruce in her own way, she always keeps an eye on him so she absolutely had to have been aware just how badly Jason’s death was affecting him, and so I think when she first saw Jason and realized who he was....I do think on a gut level, her motivations were like, she felt a need or want to take him with her and see that he was well cared for, for Bruce’s sake if nothing else.

BUT....I think the complication is she has trouble justifying that to herself, even, let alone to her father or subordinates or any of the others who constantly seek an edge over her within the League’s inner power structures and hierarchies. So I think that’s where the pragmatic side of her took over, and once she DID see to Jason at least nominally being taken care of....that’s when she started to look at it in terms of how she could play this to her advantage as well.....and whether that ultimately was in pursuit of convincing Bruce to join her side, and using Jason as leverage there, or just hurting Bruce for rejecting and hurting her and her chosen path, and using Jason to accomplish that.....tbh, like I said, I see Talia as an extremely complicated person and IMO the most likely take is that even SHE probably couldn’t say which she truly wanted or intended.....or perhaps it just changed at various points, and more than once.

My point with this tangent is I think there tends to be a very narrow focus on Jason’s return and Talia’s role in it as opposed to just the Pit in general. As much as Talia did help Jason, I think it doesn’t get acknowledged enough that as long as her own motivations and agenda were AT ANY LEVEL behind her choice not to reveal he was alive to Bruce....that’s something that I think could use more scrutiny in fandom, because that is a selfish choice, even if she did nominally spin it as being in Jason’s best interests. I just mean....it was a complicated situation, she’s a complicated person, you can’t add that up and still walk away with the simple narrative “Talia helped Jason after he came back to life and everything she did was to his benefit and in his best interests’ you know?

The thing is, the Pit’s influence aside, we have NO idea how things might have gone if Bruce, Dick and Alfred had ever gotten the CHANCE to get to Jason immediately after his submersion in the Pit and try and help him through it.....because Talia and Ra’s didn’t allow for them to ever have that chance. And that is a hugely critical plot point I think, that’s gone largely unexplored. There’s a lot of attention paid to how Jason felt upon learning that the Joker was alive, that there was a new Robin....but not a ton of attention paid to the HOW of Jason finding out all these things, and just how exactly this information was delivered to him and in what framing and context.

Because again, Pit influence aside....just sheerly in terms of the massive trauma and disorientation Jason had to have been going through upon having his full cognitive faculties restored by the Pit.....like....Jason came back to Gotham as an adult, ultimately. But at THAT stage of things....he was still likely only sixteen or so. VERY young. VERY traumatized. COMPLETELY isolated from all previous existing support networks.....and all of that adds up to being VERY. VERY. Impressionable.

And this is the part I wish got more focus. Just how much influence Talia, Ra’s and the League in general had over Jason’s thought processes, morality and ethics during that period he lived and trained with them....in the wake of a massive traumatic ordeal and with zero effort paid towards helping him cope and recover in any way other than what they laid out for him there. See, whatever Talia’s actual motivations for bringing him back and putting him in the Pit were....there’s not really any denying IMO that once that was done, she still took advantage of the opportunity Jason’s impressionability and gratitude for what she’d done (and just the interest and care she’d demonstrated in his eyes merely by doing it)....like, she still took advantage of the...influence this gave her over him.

Like.....Under the Red Hood? Eight heads in a duffle bag as Jason brutally slaughtered some of the key members of various crime organizations in Gotham and used that to gain the attention and fear and/or respect of various crime lords and organizations?

That didn’t come out of nowhere. And personally I think there’s too much focus paid to Jason’s potential for violence before his death, the murkiness surrounding Felipe Garzona’s death, and the effect the Pit still had on his mind when he returned to Gotham.......and not enough focus paid on WHERE AND WHO HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME WITH IN BETWEEN THESE THINGS.

Because as brutal as Jason could be at times as Robin......eight heads in a duffel bag is still a LONG way away from that. What its NOT a long way away from, however....is League of Assassins training, methodology and worldview.

Like, literally everything Jason did in Under the Red Hood came right smack out of the League’s playbook, so I’ve always just been like....forget the Pit for a second, guys! What about just....examining what effect being surrounded and trained by League assassins for three or four straight years in the wake of massive, life-altering trauma and circumstances that make you feel both INDEBTED to said League and BETRAYED BY all your previous loved ones who weren’t there for you....because they never had the opportunity TO be there, given that they weren’t the ones that ran into Jason while he was on the streets after digging himself up and like, even in the DC universe AT THAT TIME ‘hey wonder if he might end up resurrected somehow’ was not like, something that was at the forefront of anyone’s mind as a likely possibility?

LOL. Anyway. So that’s my hot take on Jason’s return.....yes, the Pit undoubtedly played a role, but I would love love love to see more of a role given just to looking at the sheer INFLUENCE the League and their teachings had over an isolated, traumatized and impressionable teenager.

As for the Pit itself.....that’s a topic for another day, probably, lol, but like...I have a LOT of thoughts about the Pit and how its used in various narratives, canon and otherwise. Because the thing is....its effects STARTED out as being brought into stories about Ra’s as kind of a moral fable. Like, essentially, the effects of the Pit in early stories were like....IMO more intended as a cautionary type narrative about the dangers of greed and being power-hungry, seeking to control even life and death, etc? I just mean like.....it originally came off as more of the idea “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” or in essence...everything has a price, and with something like immortality, the price is steep. There was a lot of focus initially on the idea that Ra’s was the man he’d become...only after centuries of using the Pit’s power to remain young, vital and alive. Power corrupts, essentially.

However, the problem I have...is that narrative becomes a wholly different thing when the Pit affects someone who DIDN’T seek to use its power, who wasn’t using it for selfish gain....nor like in Jason’s case...did they even have a choice about using it at all! This is the same issue I have with keeping Dick as a Talon in Court of Owls stories, and certain ways Cassandra’s story is told and her body language skills are used and discussed: I have a deep dissatisfaction with the idea of abuse inflicted by others, being like...the origin story or source of someone’s powers....when its paired at the same time with consequences that the person never asked for, would never have asked for......but the powers themselves tend to be the only thing focused on, rather than the drawbacks, with the overall takeaway ending up being that like.....the person should be grateful that the abuse happened in the first place because now they have these powers see, and isn’t that the most important thing?

So to correct myself, it isn’t quite the same thing, but I mean....the issue I have with Jason and the Pit here, in comparison, is that....Jason had no agency in choosing to go into the Pit. So to me.....its a big, BIG problem to have him ‘benefit’ from that in the form of look, he’s alive and well again, he has a second chance.....IF equal scrutiny isn’t being paid to the price he is stuck paying for the ‘gifts’ of the Pit, that second chance.....when he never asked to pay it in the first place.

And I don’t actually think I’m the only one who has that problem, I think most people just don’t spell it out to that degree....because what I mean there is......the Pit’s effects ever since Jason’s return like....aren’t viewed in the context of being a morality narrative anymore. At least not in regards to him. People rarely write the Pit as ‘corrupting’ Jason the way it was once suggested to have corrupted Ra’s, because like....Jason was a victim, not a person motivated by selfish desires for immortality. And people want him to be a hero (or at least an antihero) rather than the villain that DC has at times tried to make him instead....and I think even unconsciously, we’re all aware that it doesn’t really work to have a character like that ‘forced’ into a villainous role because of exposure to a mystical corrupting agent they never asked to be exposed to.

SO. The end result of THAT is that.....the way people write about the Pit has shifted, both in canon and fandom. And now the Pit’s effects are viewed less as a cautionary morality fable and more as like...a heightened form of PTSD, a metaphor for the extreme and beyond-imagining trauma of being brutally killed and brought back to life again.

And that is where things get murky for me again, because you end up with an unintentionally confused/skewed narrative where writers and readers often aren’t even sure themselves if they’re writing this mystical McGuffin as being an external force of corruption that makes people ‘worse versions of themselves’ OR whether its a PTSD/trauma metaphor that highlights the hurt/confusion/paranoia/intensity of tangled emotions that survivors of great traumas experience. And the problem there is, without actually intending to....I think you inevitably end up dipping into a lot of really problematic ableist ideas that reinforce some pretty negative impressions of mental illness, bad survivors and recovery in general.

Oops. Tangents happened again, huh. Oh well. Hope your answers are in there along with everything else I stuffed that response full of, lol!

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jemiroka · 7 years ago

Text

An analysis of Tenn and Riku - Angel and Monster (SPOILERS)

With the latest story updates, I’ve been turning over everything we know about the Nanase twins thus far and letting Kujou’s assessment of the two boys sink in. As mad as I was that Kujou called Riku a monster, the more I thought about it, he’s right.

Kujou calls Riku a monster and Tenn an angel. On the surface, I originally thought to myself “he’s got this whole thing backwards.” And i’m not saying that Tenn is a monster either. But with how pure and energetic Riku is, it’s easier to relate Riku to an angel rather than Tenn since Tenn is very stoic and strict when he turns off his idol persona.

Now what changed my mind after giving it some thought? It’s their motives.

From what I’ve figured out, Tenn is very, very selfless. But sometimes this is hard to catch because of his personality. I say this for a couple of reasons.

Tenn cares very deeply for his fans. I thought his analogy of his fans being his lovers was really weird at first, but due to recent events it becomes very clear that this is not exactly an exaggeration for Tenn. When it was announced that TRIGGER would no longer be produced by Yaotome Productions and there was uncertainty if they would even continue as a group, Tenn’s first concern was the fan reaction. He cried during the street live that they had because they couldn’t give the fans what they wanted, which was more time. In the first chapter he pushed himself to perform on stage even though he was in the hospital only hours before and exhausted himself to the point that he became delirious. In short, Tenn would do anything for his fans and would never want to do anything to disappoint them no matter what the cost to himself. He just wants to make people happy.

Tenn left his family for Riku’s sake. I will admit, this is purely speculation because it hasn’t explicitly been said, but it has been implied throughout the story. According to Riku, the club that his family owned wasn’t doing well around the time that Kujou showed up and asked to adopt to Tenn to produce him as an idol. Tenn makes the decision to pursue his dream with Kujou and abandons his family in their time of need. While this is a very selfish act on the surface, it is easy to deduce Tenn’s motives behind this decision due to his concern over Riku’s health. Riku was in and out of the hospital often as a kid due to his illness and the earnings from the club was what was supporting the family. If the club wasn’t doing well and ended up shutting down, then the family wouldn’t have money. If Riku had another attack, they might not be able to pay off a hospital bill or any further treatment for him. Tenn probably knew this and basically sold himself to Kujou-san so they could keep the club afloat and, thus, support Riku’s health.

Developing upon that theory, Tenn probably didn’t tell his family this reason because they definitely would have stopped him from doing that. Which would mean they would still have no solution to their problem. This would explain why Riku is so hurt from Tenn’s decision, because he couldn’t see his logic at the time if Tenn didn’t explain anything.

On hindsight, Tenn did mention in the story that he didn’t agree with his parents on how they ran the club. He also mentioned that he respected Kujou-san which is why he decided to follow him. (He may or may not have explained more of this, but i’m still waiting on translations to make sure what I understood was correct).

Tenn wants people to be happy in spite of his morals. I only add this because I remembered what happened in the Natsu Shiyouze!!! incident. Tenn had suspected that the song was stolen from somewhere but didn’t speak up because Gaku and Ryunosuke were so happy and excited. He specifically says this when Gaku gets mad at him for not telling them his suspicions.

Tenn’s name literally means Heaven. This is just for fun. But the word for angel in Japanese is “TENshi.” The characters to Tenn and Shi mean heaven and person respectively. Heaven person = Angel.

Now for Riku... As a disclaimer, this is probably going to sound like i’m hating on Riku, which i’m not. I love Riku Nanase and his pureness but bottom line is that he’s very prone to following his emotions. When compared to Tenn, his motives are more selfish which would associate with the monster analogy very well.

Riku pursued being an idol to follow Tenn. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this! Riku’s dream is to perform on the same stage as his big brother. Since they were kids, Tenn has always been a performer and would entertain Riku while he was in the hospital. Riku always idolized his big brother and wanted to catch up to him so his motives for becoming an idol are very clear. He wanted to be on the same level as Tenn. This is completely normal in my opinion because there’s nothing wrong with chasing your dream, and is only considered selfish when compared to Tenn’s reason for becoming an idol.

Riku follows his own emotions. While Tenn is working to make other’s happy, Riku is performing to make himself happy. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about his fans, but his ultimate motive is not to please the fans but to be happy himself. This is probably why Kujou calls Riku a monster in comparison to Tenn and also why Riku is more like Zero. Zero ended up disappearing from his fans without a trace and without notice which upset a lot of people. It could be deduced that Zero left because he wasn’t happy with where he was at (because why else would he leave unless he had personal/family circumstances) even though his fans were always happy that he was around. While Riku is not tyring to seek the glory of the spot light, he just wants to have fun performing with Idolish7. He is performing more for himself and his band mates than anything else. Perhaps at this point it’s too harsh to say that Riku is selfish, but is instead self-focused. Kujou may think that, because of this, Riku has the same mentality as Zero. So when Riku is no longer happy being an idol, he’ll just up and leave like Zero. This is why Kujou didn’t pursue Riku even though he said that Riku is a closer comparison to Zero than Tenn.

Riku’s response to Perfection Gimmick. This was the most obvious one to me. And I believe this is why a lot of people were a little annoyed with Riku in part 2. When Riku’s condition was worsening due to the stress of being the center of Idolish7, the position of center went to Iori instead. The fans began raving about how much better Idolish7 became after Iori took the spot as center. Riku, of course, took this to heart and basically developed something close to an inferiority complex. This affected his work, especially since he’s unit partners with Iori. While this is a normal human reaction, it can also be seen as the kid who pouts until he gets his way since Riku still wanted to be center even though the fans were saying they enjoyed Iori as center.

Riku’s appeal power. This is the actual reason why Kujou calls Riku a monster. Riku’s appeal skill is too high! Riku is basically so charming that the fans would do anything for him. This is the flip side of Tenn, who would do anything for the fans. As long as Riku is happy, the fans are happy and they’ll stop caring about anything else. In addition to that, it seems like the fans will actually mirror Riku’s feelings because when he starts crying at their anniversary live, Iori points out that the audience started crying even though they didn’t know what Riku was crying about. This runs the risk of things going out of control for Idolish7 if Riku suddenly becomes unstable.

In conclusion, Kujou’s assessment of the twins is decently accurate in more ways than the one he intended. I will admit that some of the reasons I listed for Riku being a monster are a stretch because honestly, Riku is just very human. I think his reactions to his situations would be how most people would react no matter how mature they want to be. But in comparison to Tenn (who is just super human) he is a monster (and so are all of us XD).

Author note: Please let me know if any facts are incorrect. And I’d love to know what you guys think :)

#idolish7 #idolish7 spoilers #riku nanase #tenn kujou #nanase riku #kujou tenn

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moiraineswife · 8 years ago

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Mor is selfless af meta

Because I made a little throwaway post a little while back but people still apparently don’t get the Mor is selfless as all hell. So I thought I would compile a long, rambling list of Reasons and Evidence as to why irreverence does not mean disregard and why taking care for and loving yourself does not mean selfishness.

Right, so, apparently people still think Mor is selfish (w h y?) which I...obviously disagree with. I don’t think that she makes a habit of putting her own needs/wants above others’ (though if she did she would be entirely entitled to, given what she’s been through/the abuse she endured) I just think she stopped letting other people rule her. I think she stopped taking the opinions and wants of other people for her as gospel and acting only on them at the expense of herself and her own wants and agency She does what she loves and she does what she needs but that doesn’t mean she acts selfishly. It just means that what’s important to her and what she wants to do she now does.

But I don’t think she puts her needs above others. There’s a thoughts vs actions distinction here - she refuses to place any more validity or weight to the opinions of others over her own - her feelings and ideas are valid and she has the right to express them and act upon them. She lets herself make the choices that she wants to make. But actually I think the choices that she makes are often very selfless and she puts the people that matter to her above her own well-being and happiness and she actually does this repeatedly.

Variety of ‘Mor being subtly selfless’ examples and analysis to follow.

“Don’t get me started on what you did to me Under the Mountain.” Rhys went still. As still as I’d ever seen him, as still as the death now beckoning in those eyes. Then his chest began to move, faster and faster. Across the pillars towering behind him, I could have sworn the shadow of great wings spread. He opened his mouth, leaning forward, and then stopped. Instantly, the shadows, the ragged breathing, the intensity were gone, the lazy grin returning. “We have company. We’ll discuss this later.” “No, we won’t.” But quick, light footsteps sounded down the hall, and then she [Mor] appeared.

Right, listen, this scene flat out parallels Rhys’ rescue of Feyre at her wedding and I refuse to see it in any other light. Feyre suffers a panic attack, she flashes back to UtM, she needs help, she needs a way out, Rhys appears and does just that. Same thing happens here. Feyre (inadvertently) triggers a panic attack in Rhys, he flashes back to UtM, he needs help, he needs away out, Mor is there in a heartbeat. That’s as much as a coincidence as Rhys showing up exactly when Feyre needed him: ie it’s literally not a coincidence at all.

Right, so, for context, this is the first time that Feyre is at the Night Court since...well everything. At this point in time the only people know who about his and Feyre’s history as well as the fact that Rhys and Feyre are mates are Mor and Rhys. This is because the first words out of Rhys’ mouth when he saw Mor again after fifty years were ‘she’s my mate’ and he then proceeded to tell her everything. So for three months the only people who’ve known what Rhys went through and what he’s dealing with due to his bond to Feyre are Mor and Rhys. That means the only person who’s been supporting Rhys through all of this is Mor.

So when it comes to it and Feyre is there and having witnessed the shoe-throwing, less than wonderful reaction Feyre had to Rhys the night before Mor makes sure she’s nearby the next day. She makes sure that she’s around and the second that Rhys gets out of his depth she’s there to balance things and smooth them over. Which she does in spite of Rhys’ grumbling.

“You could be attending your own duties,” he said testily. I clamped my lips tighter together. I’d never seen Rhys … irked. [...] “And as my only remaining relative,” Rhys went on, “Mor believes she is entitled to breeze in and out of my life as she sees fit.” “So grumpy this morning,” Mor said, plopping two muffins onto her plate.

He huffs about it but there’s no doubt that Mor’s appearance was sorely needed and that she calms him down and grounds him. Mor also goes out of her way to welcome Feyre, to make her feel like she fits in at the Court, to be a friend to her, to help her, and to encourage her to give Rhys a chance.

‘...Mor said, swirling her wine, her shoulders loosening as Azriel at last blinked, and seemed to shake off whatever memory had frozen him.

[...]

“A new bastard in the camp—and an untrained shadowsinger to boot. Not to mention he couldn’t even fly thanks to—” Mor cut in lazily, “Stay on track, Cassian.” Indeed, any warmth had vanished from Azriel’s face. But I quieted my own curiosity as Cassian again shrugged, not even bothering to take note of the silence that seemed to leak from the shadowsinger. Mor saw, though—even if Azriel didn’t bother to acknowledge her concerned stare, the hand that she kept looking at as if she’d touch, but thought better of it.

These both happen at the first dinner at the House of Wind. Once again Mor is monitoring things carefully and she intervenes - casually, lazily, thoughtlessly, as though she doesn’t even care/is barely noticing what she’s doing but she knows exactly what’s going on. She keeps very careful watch over Az throughout the dinner, reacting when he feels better, intervening when Cass started wandering into dangerous waters and showing such overt concern for Az that Feyre noticed it before she knew anything about either of them/their dynamic. And as with what we saw before with Rhys her actions aren’t rewarded with any kind of gratitude from the people she’s looking out for - but she does it anyway.

Azriel just shook his head. “I’ll go. The Prison sentries know me—what I am.” I wondered if the shadowsinger was usually the first to throw himself into danger. Mor’s fingers stilled on the stem of her wineglass, her eyes narrowing on Amren.

[...]

“Here we go,” Cassian grumbled. Mor gave Azriel a warning glare to tell him not to volunteer this time. The spymaster just gave her an incredulous look in return.

Azriel: *is first to volunteer to go into dangerous situations likely due to his own disregard for his personal safety and the way he prioritises others over himself* Mor: *reproves him for doing this because he does matter. twice.* Fandom: *oh but she’s so selfish, she doesn’t care about Az at all! She doesn’t show any regard for him/love towards him/anything at all until the very end of the book when he gets shot* Me: -_- A N Y W A Y.

She stared and stared at the Book—as if it were a ghost, as if it were a miracle—and said, “It is the Leshon Hakodesh. The Holy Tongue.” Those quicksilver eyes shifted to Rhysand, and I realized she’d understood, too, why she’d gone. Rhysand said, “I heard a legend that it was written in a tongue of mighty beings who feared the Cauldron’s power and made the Book to combat it. Mighty beings who were here … and then vanished. You are the only one who can uncode it.” It was Mor who warned, “Don’t play those sorts of games, Rhysand.”

Oh look, it’s Mor watching out for Amren’s well-being as well as Rhys and Azriel’s. It’s almost as though....There’s a theme here. Shocking. Even though Amren is one of the most powerful beings in the world Mor still has her back and still looks out for her. It’s almost as though she deeply loves and cares for her little found family and wants to protect them, even from small things. Incredible.

And just in case anyone was doubting (since this relationship falls under a lot of scrutiny from Mor’s side) she also puts herself out there for Cassian’s sake too :)

“Cassian helped Rhys get me out. Before either had the real rank to do so. For Rhys, getting caught would have been a mild punishment, perhaps a bit of social shunning. But Cassian … he risked everything to make sure I stayed out of that court. And he laughs about it, but he believes he’s a low-born bastard, not worthy of his rank or life here. He has no idea that he’s worth more than any other male I met in that court—and outside of it. Him and Azriel, that is.”

Against the popular fandom belief that Cass still feels guilty about what happened with the Incident and that Mor somehow encourages this/benefits from it in some way I give you this. Actual canon. Because the only response that Mor ever shows to Cassian’s part in her past is gratitude. She is grateful. She is grateful that he was kind and good and gave her a choice. She is grateful that he rescued her from her abusive situation. It’s been five hundred years and she is still grateful to him for risking himself to get her out of there. And she considers him to be worth more than any other male she’s ever met aside from Rhys.

Mor, on her knees beside Cassian, hurtled for the king with a cry of pure wrath. He sent a punch of power to her. She dodged, a knife angled in her hand, and— Azriel cried out in pain. She froze. Stopped a foot from the throne. Her knife clattered to the floor.

To be entirely clear about what happens here, okay: the king shreds Cassian’s wings with half thought and Mor, with absolutely no magic, with nothing to defend herself, with no ability to protect herself and with nothing but a single, solitary knife in her hand against a centuries old king strong enough to strip the magic from the two most powerful Illyrian warriors in history, the most powerful High Lord in history, and Feyre who has the power of all seven high lords in her veins at the same time launches herself at the king to punish him for what he’s done to her friend. And the only reason that she stops her attack is not because of the magic he tries to hit her with - but Azriel, because if she’d hurt the king then Azriel would have died but at no point is her own safety a concern or a consideration here. But...Yeah, sure, Mor doesn’t care about Cass that’s...just. yeah.

Next point:

But Mor hopped off the bed, opened the door for me, and said, “There are good days and hard days for me—even now. Don’t let the hard days win.”

I’m using this as a kind of catch-all quote for a couple of points. First of all I think a lot of people seem to think Mor is ‘over’ what happened to her? Or there’s certainly a lot of talk about how ‘jfc it was 500 years ago move on’ when it comes to Mor...yet we frequently discuss Cassian, Azriel and Rhys’s childhoods (funny that) Anyway, the point is that Mor is not just magically better/never suffers for her trauma. She still has hard days. She just doesn’t let them win. But that means that all of that aloofness, all of that irreverence, all of that brightness and light and hope is something that she fights for. Constantly. Trauma does not have an expiry date, it doesn’t just up and leave one day, it still affects her, it still hurts her, she just refuses to let it beat her. And that makes her strong af but anyway.

Second thing I want to talk about is how much Mor opens up for Feyre’s benefit. I’m just using this quote for that because it happens several times throughout the book and we’d be here all day if I quoted them all and they’re well enough known I think that I don’t need them. But Mor rips open old wounds of hers over and over and over again for Feyre. She tells her what happened in grim, explicit detail, she tells her how it affected her, she rips open those wounds again to show Feyre that it is possible to heal from them. It’s possible to endure the dark horrors that she, that they both, have endured and still come out able to love and trust and be bright and warm and friendly and selfless.

(And aside from Feyre’s storyline and what this does for her this is an incredibly important message for abuse survivors in an audience as well. Because it’s a fairly frequent thing that we see- especially female characters- suffer some form of abuse or hurt (usually at the hands of men) and as a result they become acerbic and cold and withdrawn and mistrustful. I am not in anyway saying that this is a ‘bad’ response to trauma or pain. It happens. It’s real. But in terms of media portrayal seeing something that actively goes against that is I think incredibly important. Because that’s not what has to happen. Mor came out of what she endured and she came out of it soft and warm and selfless and loving and that’s a perfectly valid endpoint of recovery too. Dark days don’t have to lead to more darkness. They can lead to bright, warm sunshine too. and that’s important.)

This also leads me on to the role Mor plays in the Court of Dreams. I’ve talked before about her position in the Court of Nightmares being empowering (and a perfect counterpoint to the Tamlin/Lucien dynamic when it comes to thinking about her and Rhys and how they respond/react to her being forced to return to the site of her abuse/trauma) And it is. She is given power over her abusers. Her father is reduced to a steward and she is given not only authority over him but she is given his authority. She rules the place that tormented her and that is so incredibly important but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t affect her, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t performing a selfless act for the sake of her court and it doesn’t mean that it’s easy for her (hint: it’s not)

Maybe I should have asked Mor to come. But she’d left after dinner, pale-faced and jumpy, ignoring Cassian’s attempt to speak with her. [...] “How was your visit to the Court of Nightmares?” She paused, her face going uncharacteristically pale. “Fine. It’s always a delight to see my parents. As you might guess.” [...] “I’m sorry—for all that you endured.” “Thank you,” she said, coming over to watch me. “Visiting them always leaves me raw.”

All of these are Mor’s direct responses either facing a trip to the CoN (the first quote) or after visiting them (the second). Yes Mor is in a position of power over her abusers. Yes that is, in a sense, empowering and likely helpful in terms of her recovery. But the fact is that she does, and has for centuries, returned to the place that she was abused and tortured and traumatised. It’s like what Feyre does at the end of ACOMAF - returning to the Spring Court with Tamlin for the good of her court. Except Mor has been doing this for hundreds of years, even though it leaves her raw, even though it can still make her panicky and upset. She does it. Which makes her brave and selfless as all hell I will fight you on this point.

More things:

Cassian realized I was in one piece and hurtled for Rhys, who was struggling to rise, mud covering his bare skin, but Mor—Mor saw my face. I went up to her, cold and hollow. “I want you to take me somewhere far away,” I said. “Right now.” I needed to get away—needed to think, to have space and quiet and calm. Mor looked between us, biting her lip. “Please,” I said, and my voice broke on the word. Behind me, Rhys moaned my name again. Mor scanned my face once more, and gripped my hand. We vanished into wind and night.

[...]

“Still recovering, but fine. Pissed at me, of course, but he can shove it.” I combined Mor’s yellow gold with the red I’d used for the Illyrian wings, and blended until vibrant orange emerged. “Thank you—for not telling him I was here.” A shrug.

Again Mor puts other people’s needs over own. She took Feyre away from Rhys - knowing it would hurt Rhys, knowing it would upset him, knowing that Feyre was forcing her to choose a side but choosing it anyway. Then she dismisses Rhys being angry with her and Feyre’s thanks for what it cost her to help her and keep her location from Rhys (I’m pretty sure Rhys didn’t just politely ask her this once over a cup of tea and then let the matter drop. Not if Mor describes him as being pissed at her)

Even more evidence:

It was satisfactory enough to my mate—who at last looked at Mor. She nodded once, but said, “I know my orders.” I wondered what those might be—why I hadn’t been told—but she gripped my hand. [...] Mor kept at my side, constantly monitoring. The last line of defense. If Cassian and Azriel were hurt, I realized, she was to make sure I got out by whatever means. Then return.

Right to make this part even more explicit, because I think the difficulty here of what Mor has to do is possible to be underrated and I want there to be no doubt: before they went to infiltrate Hybern Rhys ordered Mor to leave Cassian and Azriel, two of the people she loves most in the world, behind if they were injured in order to get Feyre to safety. And this is something that Mor agreed to and acknowledged and I have no doubt would have done if the need had arisen. And then, once she had gotten Feyre to safety, she herself would have returned and put herself in an incredible amount of danger to get them back.

This is like....the dictionary definition of selflessness idk what to tell you any more okay.

Is this enough? Do I need to say more? Or can we just, like re-read ACOMAF and remind ourselves what an incredible specimen of pure selfless goodness Morrigan is?

TL;DR: Mor is selfless af and I will fight you on this point. That is all.

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cinderstorm · 8 years ago

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Writing Tips #9: The Moral Spectrum (Characterization Lesson)

Hello, writer friends, and welcome to another episode of Writing Tips! In today’s lesson, we’ll discuss characters and how to categorize them on a moral continuum.

There are several dominant models when it comes to a character’s morality. Most of you are familiar with the chaotic-neutral-lawful/good-neutral-evil categorization method. That schema will be relegated to its own post, as it adds an additional dimension to this topic which would distract from this lesson. For this post, we’ll be focusing solely on a good/evil continuum, without regard to how a given character sits on a lawful/chaotic continuum.

1. The Extremes: Imagine a sliding scale in which “good” and “evil” sit at opposite ends. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll make it a scale of one to ten, with “ten” representing ultimate good and “one” representing ultimate evil.

It’s rare for a character to achieve a perfect ten on the morality scale. Like most humans, characters typically have flaws which prevent them from being perfectly selfless and compassionate. However, these characters do exist and can serve a useful purpose in your story. For instance, an angel would most likely fit under the category of ultimate good. So would certain saints or benevolent gods. These characters are kind, charitable, and loving, exemplifying perfect morality.

On the other end of the scale, we have ultimate evil. It’s easier to find characters at this end of the scale than at the other end, as they can make for interesting villains. These characters are not only dangerous, but cruel and twisted. They’re the sort of people who would torture a puppy for amusement. Any hint of kindness or compassion they show is merely an attempt at manipulation. These characters can quite justifiably be considered Complete Monsters.

Here’s the problem with characters who sit at either extreme: they can very easily become one-dimensional. Characters who score a ten on the morality scale can (quite justifiably) be accused of being too perfect. Which is not to say that you have to eliminate these extremes from your story. A Complete Monster can make a viable final boss for your characters to fight, and an angelic character can make an excellent friend and guide (though rarely a great protagonist).

Let’s look at The Dresden Files. We have the character Michael Carpenter. A brave and pious Knight of the Cross, he exemplifies all that is good about humanity (also, he fights monsters). He is an excellent supporting character and foil to Harry Dresden (wizard and narrator), but he lacks the internal conflict necessary for an engaging protagonist. There’s very little room for a character arc, because he’s already as close to an ideal human being as a character can reasonably be.

From the same series, we have the Denarians (people controlled by or cooperating with fallen angels), who fall under the category absolute evil. They at various points betray their supposed allies, steal a significant religious artifact, and torture a young girl (mostly for kicks).

Fittingly, the purpose of the Knights of the Cross is to fight (and try to redeem) the Denarians. This battle of good and evil is important to the overarching story within The Dresden Files, but it only becomes interesting when we see it mirrored in a much more personal way through Harry Dresden (morally, 5.5-8 depending on where you are in the series) as he struggles between choosing to accept the power offered to him by the Denarians or refusing that power at great expense to himself and his loved ones.

2. Morally Gray Characters: It’s much more common for a character to fall somewhere in the middle of the good/evil spectrum. Between notches four and six, you have your anti-heroes and sympathetic villains. Often, the primary difference between these categories is that we’re seeing the story through one character’s/group’s eyes instead of the other.

A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin (or Game of Thrones, for those of you who watch the HBO series) relies heavily on morally grey characters. Granted, these characters, if let loose in other works, would probably fall somewhere between a two and a four, but in fiction, morality is relative, and the gritty tone of the series means these otherwise reprehensible characters are middle-of-the-road relative to one another. While there are a few genuinely irredeemable characters (Ramsey Snow, Joffrey, The Mountain), most of the characters are simultaneously deeply flawed and in some way sympathetic. These characters have different goals, beliefs, and philosophies which put them at odds with each other, and there are differences in the relative morality of each character, but they are almost without exception some shade of gray.

In most books, your protagonist is going to be a lighter shade of gray (6-9), being somewhat flawed and occasionally selfish, but ultimately having the moral high-ground over the villains. Similarly, most villains will range from 2-5, though this will vary depending on whether they’re being set up for a redemption arc or if they’re a Complete Monster, as discussed above.

Let’s look at another example, this time from Avatar: the Last Airbender (yes, this series is going to be a major fixture of this Writing Tips series. It’s that good). Aang, our protagonist and arguably the most moral character in the series, sits at a solid nine. In his eyes, all life is precious, even that of a Complete Monster like Ozai. On several occasions, however, Aang acts with selfishness. In “Bato of the Water Tribe,” he hides a message from his friends’ father out of fear that they’ll abandon him. In “The Great Divide,” he resolves a conflict between two opposing tribes by telling them a false story which “corrects” their conflicting histories, instead of addressing the deeper issues fueling their animosity.

Katara, too, has her moments of moral compromise. In “The Waterbending Scroll,” she steals the titular scroll from a group of pirates because of her desperate desire to master waterbending. Later, in “The Southern Raiders,” when she gets a chance to confront the man who killed her mother, she bloodbends one man and nearly kills her mother’s murderer before deciding to show mercy. And though she spares the man’s life, she cannot bring herself to forgive him.

The villains in A:tLA are all darker shades of gray (with the exception of Ozai, who actually is a Complete Monster). While trying to restore his honor, Zuko steals an ostrich-horse, disguises himself as The Blue Spirit to undermine his rival in capturing the Avatar, and betrays his uncle. Yet he has sympathetic motivations. He wants to return home. He wants to regain his status as the crown prince. He wants his father’s love and acceptance. Eventually, Zuko chooses to side with the Avatar, completing what is arguably the most satisfying redemption arc in western animation. On the sliding scale, Zuko goes from a three to an eight--an impressive character arc by any standard.

Azula is a darker shade of gray than Zuko, coming in at about a two. She is ruthless, cunning, and manipulative. Yet in the finale, when we see her emotional break-down (resulting from the betrayal of the friends she abused/controlled for so many years), we do feel sorry for her. She is not redeemed, but there is enough vulnerability in her character that we are sympathetic to her fate, which is part of what makes her breakdown so powerful.

When conceptualizing your characters, it’s a good idea to have each character occupy a slightly different position on the moral scale, both for the sake of incorporating multiple perspectives and for the sake of sparking conflict between characters (even allies/friends). In a future post, we’ll discuss how to move a character from one part of the scale to another when writing a redemption arc or a fall from grace. In the meantime, I hope you’ve found this post helpful.

#Writing Tips #Writing Advice #characterization #morality #good vs. evil #Avatar: the Last Airbender #The Dresden Files

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torturedflower · 5 years ago

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Suicidal-Idealization.

I just had a thought, the thought of never having to wake. I breathed deeply for the first time in weeks. All the tension left my face, and my existential panic at all the things i still must face drifted away. The clarity of knowing the only thing that relaxes me at my current point in life is the idea that I won’t have to live forever should terrify me. But instead I feel more connected to my body than I have in a long time. Instead of being trapped in a whirlwind of collapsing circles and building anxieties, I can rest knowing that one day I can die. One day it will be over. “deep breath”

I am so uncomfortable in my own life. I am often in a position of feeling I have to enforce a separation from others so that I can have freedom to not be responsible at some times. Times when others don’t get to make demands on my time and my mind. I don’t know why connection with others exhausts me so to such a degree. I feel like if I were free of this, if I were unafraid to be tied down by others I would be so much better connected and have the social resources to truly succeed. But I do not know how to escape the boundaries I have set for myself. This cage of fear is the only that keeps me safe. The freedom to forget the world when I need to what I hold on to when I want to die. I have had issues in the home I live in. I work as hard as I can to make it liveable, comfortable. when pests or other people threaten that and it becomes a thing to be worried about, managed, I just can’t breath. The place that I want as my refuge becomes a trap. My home, my rest, a reminder of more things that need to be managed, that no one else seems to be willing to share the burden of. I am increasingly terrified that if too many things arise that need to be fixed by the landlord arise, that he will remove us. The rent in this city, the availability of space, haunts me. I do not even know if relatively speaking our risk of being removed is actually that high. But I fear it. The fact that he was willing and able to charge us an illegal security deposit is just such a red flag and shows that he too is to a certain degree more interested in maintaining security and comfort and wealth for himself than he is in providing a secure and safe home for his renters. As is his absence and lack of personal attendance to our issues. However, this is somewhat contradicted by the fact that when given the opportunity to up the rent once a year, he did so by less than half the maximum. a measly 4 dollars by each of us. What does this mean? I am not comforted by this discrepancy. It does not encourage me to test the waters when an issue arises. And now that we are in risk of a mouse infestation, it does not bring me close to asking his assistance. I simply want to fix this issue, fix this house up, and bring it to a comfortable and relaxed living condition so that he can have returned to him a property that is not so shabby and cumbersome. All this on top of my issues and stress as a student. I may have done well somehow as a student this year, but that does not mean I didn’t have a great deal of fear. I worry that my success may have come at the cost of putting stress on others and placing my self and my success above theirs in order to take care of myself. Some would say this is reasonable, but I do not find it admirable. Pursuing reasonable selfishness as opposed to foolish admirability does not help me sleep at night. Even now, again, the idea that I could die and no longer have to face these things relaxes me and comforts me. Perhaps this body full of fear and anxiety and just this straining desire to have space to take care of myself and not be in a position where others feel they have a right to place to demands on me. ( My father, for example, today ‘asked’ a favor of me, but instead of asking, told me “ you have to....” ...is that fear? the fear that someone could say no so you make it a demand? Take advantage of a familial relationship to make the action a requirement? I think it is possible that these relational conflicts are why I don’t know how to react to him and his cancer... it means nothing to me and my relationship with him ) But this is so lonely, and has brought me to tears in the past because I have simply never learned how to maintain relationships long term with people. I don’t know how. My childhood is a fractured angry mess. The farther I get from that time the sadder it becomes. I am happy that I am not simple. I can relate to others that I otherwise could not. I fantasized the martyr as a child, but having seen as an adult that I was already suffering all that time, all I want now is to run away and escape from all that could bring me there again. In the face of others on fire there is very little I find myself motivated to do. I scorn the adult born of the comfortable happy home, the one who has not known adversity, or unfairness. The one Who does not know the trap of poverty. of Debt. But I am also angry. I am angry that my own parents made me feel so unsafe. I am angry that they were not explicitly more unsafe, that something could be done about it. I am angry that my siblings, who I share some bond over these things, got to know at least some family experience before it all exploded, even if it was an unhappy farce. I am so angry. and I don’t know how to deal with it. I think this is brought out any time someone has the potential to cause unhappiness I don’t feel I deserve, or that on my own I could avoid (as with school assignments). I don’t feel stable. I don’t know how to deal with being so out of control in my own life. Why does it seem that stability either relies on deep community connections or money? I don’t have access to community in that way, it is too far from my skills, my behaviors, reactions, and (honestly) my desires. Money is not yet in reach, which is why I am desperate to succeed in school. I NEED to be hire-able. I need to get to a place where I can once again take care of myself. I would love to be able to share that, the weight of that, with another person.

The joy of building and sharing and balancing all your worries and challenges with another person who actively wants to do that with you is not something that I have forgotten. But my previous entanglement left me seriously worries about what I was willing to give of my self to have a shred of that security. So clearly I need to work on some things to get to that place. But in order to do that in need to be secure in my own life and have the freedom to schedule therapy in my own time and pursue the things that help me feel relaxed and fulfilled. School is amazing, but its in pursuit of something necessary and sustaining in an economical way, and it doesn’t give me that joy of doing something beautiful and emotional for the sake of that thing. I, for that reason, want to get to a place where I can pursue art, dance, beautiful things, while also having the financial freedom to donate and be generous. The freedom to be generous without having to risk my own comfort..... Saying that now reveals the privilege of it. That I only want to give of myself when I am not risking my own comfort. Ah, and this is what I most fear. My deepest anxiety. Brought to the forefront. I may not be as active in any christian circle.. well not even ‘as’ active, just active at all. But I still have firm roots in the messages from Christ and what is right. There are some deeply communist, selfless aspects of the original, idealistic Christian church. And those anti-materialistic teachings have a deep, existential truth deep within them that I connect to and cannot escape. And by unwilling to give up my own comfort to pursue the good of others I am directly flying in the face of my own Deepest beliefs. ‘LA SIGH’

On another note, my RLS has just been so bad this year, and I don’t know what to do , again, without the time and financial freedom to pursue different optional treatment venues. Just absolutely driving me up the wall.

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whatisvignesh-blog · 8 years ago

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#ReadingFilms: Riveting and Quite Extraordinary

‘Thevar Magan’ (‘Son of Thevar’) (1992) Directed by Bharathan Written by Kamal Haasan Starring Kamal Haasan, Sivaji Ganesan, Gouthami, Revathy, Nassar

I do not recall the name but one prominent film critic associates the origination of the persona (or the archetype) of the mustachioed, aruvaal wielding Tamizhan in cinema to Kamal Haasan’s performance in Thevar Magan.

The film is still fresh, powerful and a poignant representation of a world and a culture outside the walls of Madras.

I’d Iike to give this essay a bit of structure by drawing 3 overarching points and building my analysis thereon up.

1. The Story and Themes

‘A westernized young man returns to his village. Unaware of feuds, customs and their implications he pulls himself into a world of sabotage and pain. When it was time, he sacrifices his love and his dreams for the sake of the people for whom his family has been responsible for centuries.’

This is Thevar Magan in a nutshell. It is an extraordinary take on the lives and the dreams of Young India in relation to the history and culture that fuels its villages.

a. Karma Yoga

At a very high level (at least for me) is the idea that the film is an interesting exposition on the concept of Karma Yoga.

Karma Yoga or the Yoga of Action is a form of Yoga based on teachings in the Bhagavad Gita. Karma Yoga is the process of achieving perfection in selfless action. It is primarily the practice of selfless service to humanity whereby a spiritual seeker attempts to give their actions selflessly without hoping for merit, fame or glory.

Kamal Haasan’s character, Saktivel, is the seeker in the context of the film. He becomes a vignette for what a modern Karma Yogi ought to be as every action he takes in the film is one keeping in mind the unity and the prosperity of his people. I think a film is a terrific canvas where one can paint ideas of sophisticated theology or philosophy, making heavy-duty concepts extremely accessible to the masses.

b. The Greater Good

Another concept we can find in the film is the concept of the Greater Good in the context of love. Love, I think, is an interesting lens through which one might view the Greater Good because it really goes against the idea of Man being a selfish, lust-driven, seeker.

Along similar lines the film also makes a claim that ego is not necessarily an evil cognitive tool - it’s, in fact, a wonderful apparatus for one to hold on to his/her self-respect and word of honor - concepts which are core ideologies in any walk of life.

Another bit of the film that caught my attention with respect to the Greater Good is one involving Saktivel’s hair. Westernised and well-initiated in the art of punk, Kamal Haasan’s mullet represents the Young Indian’s propensity in absorbing and applying the western notion of cool. But when the time comes that which is modern and that which is cool must not stand in the way of doing that which is right. In the film it involves Saktivel sacrificing his punk appeal to be reborn as the leader and caregiver of his community.

c. Culture and Community

The film received a bit of backlash upon its release because people thought that the film painted a picture of the Thevar community in Tamil Nadu as a bloodthirsty lot. However, in my opinion, the film does great justice and respectfully sheds light on the history and accomplishments of the Thevar community. From being the first recruits in Subhash Chandra Bose’s Indian National Army to being responsible for the welfare, prosperity, and justice-related issues in the village, the story is in fact very educative about the Thevar community’s involvement in social progress. I think its very unfair that social activists spotlight one aspect of the story over the cumulative exposition.

There is a debate among viewers on what the film truly intends on representing. A faction of viewers believes that the film is a treatise on violence and bloodshed. Another faction believes the film is a celebration of the Thevar community’s way of life. But by far the most interesting thematic opinion revolves around the concept of a son’s reluctance to enter and take control of the family business upon the father’s passing; a theme very wonderfully explored and inspired by Francis Ford Coppola’s ‘The Godfather’.

2. The Cast

Thevar Magan released in what may have been the greatest decade in Tamil Cinema - the decade of Kamal Haasan. This was the decade that not just Tamil Cinema, but Indian Cinema, by and large, caught a glimpse of Kamal Haasan’s artistic genius. He performed the roles of a writer, actor, producer, dancer, singer (and probably even that of a director) cementing his genius as one of India’s greatest ever Artists.

Kamal Haasan was able to play the role of Saktivel so convincingly because he understood the climate and the nature of the characters who were involved in the story and their relation to Saktivel.

Apart from the performances of Kamal Haasan, Gouthami and Revathy I think the film really played to the strengths of two of the finest actors in the history of Indian Cinema - Sivaji Ganesan and Nassar.

a. Sivaji Ganesan

The legendary Sivaji Ganesan’s role in the film was brief but the character’s impact echoed throughout the film. The Godfather metaphor makes the point clearer - although The Godfather’s main protagonist is Michael, Vito Corleone’s reputation, power, and influence looms over Michael and the story. The same is true of Periya Thevar’s impact on the story.

b. Nassar

In my opinion, it was Nassar’s performance of the revenge-crazed Mayandi Thevar that stole the show. Nassar belongs in the pantheon of the great character actors in Indian Cinema. His ability to not only transform but also to seep into the marrow of his character makes his brand of acting a craft of unmistakable genius.

With a profoundly misdirected sense of justice and fairness, Nassar’s character walks the thin line between ethics that are amoral and immoral. We, the viewers of cinema and participants of culture at large, know that amoral and immoral ethics are wrong but Mayandi’s bullheaded, take-no-prisoners attitude is something all of us secretly desire and appreciate within those dark corners of our heart. Failure despite his best efforts makes us feel sorry for Mayandi Thevar. That ability, to generate pity (or empathy) despite being on the wrong side of justice is where we can see the genius of Nassar’s performance.

3. The Cinematic Experience

The dialogues, the casting and the environ of the film were masterfully compiled. That’s what gives the film a feeling of absolute completeness. The rurality of the Tamil language coupled with the apt interpretation of the Thevar mindset and body language, Thevar Magan gives you an unadulterated, authentic, rural Tamil Nadu experience.

a. The Cinematography

When I close my eyes and think the words ‘Thevar Magan’, a blue sky and a lush, rural greenery occupy my consciousness.

Living in an urban area, heat islands, rude autowallahs, and unforgiving traffic rules our day to day lives. Sure, some people love this chaos and the hustle-bustle, but a lot of us inherently crave sanctuary and tranquility that a countryside represents.

What I find really interesting in P.C. Sriram’s cinematography is the subtlety in his mastery over Paradox. The great cinematographic theme of the film is that of Paradox because the story moves counterintuitively to the richness and the serenity of the visual. It almost imposes upon the viewer the idea that even in a land of peace and quiet rivers of blood could most definitely flow.

The locations at which the film was shot are not just aesthetically well-thought but often times plays the silent role of moving the story forward.

b. The Music

In terms of sound, Ilaiyaraaja’s score and soundtracks are still held in high regard among the masses. It can be said that the maestro managed to capture the complete spectrum of life that goes on in the film sonically.

To understand and appreciate the value and impact of Ilaiyaraaja’s musical contributions to the film we need to walk down the same path the maestro intuitively takes while composing - and this path can most suitably be described in terms of a Chinese Landscape Painting.

The small human figures depicted against crags, rivers, and mountains are portrayed thus so as to inspire the viewer to focus on the man and then try and imagine the surrounding landscape through his eyes. And this is how Chinese Paintings are designed to be read.

While a painting refers to that which is visual, Ilaiyaraaja employs the same organizing principles to deal with the realm of sound.

The crags, rivers, and mountains are replaced by lyric, melody and rhythm.

Ilaiyaraaja is the first rasika of the filmmaker. His ability to empathize deeply with the characters and their arcs in a story have yielded some of the greatest soundtracks in Indian Cinema. And Thevar Magan is no exception.

There is an element of sophisticated minimalism in Ilaiyaraaja’s work on the film. The most dominant characteristic of all the tracks on the film is the combination of balance and emphasis given to meter, melody, and rhythm.

c. The Notion of ‘Complete’

And finally, there are people who claim that Thevar Magan is the most complete film amongst all of Kamal Haasan’s work. While I am horribly one of those people who hasn’t yet watched Kamal’s entire body of work, I can quite understand what is implied by the term ‘complete’.

This notion of ‘complete’ emerges from a powerful idea of the story being structured in the form of a novel at its heart. According to Orhan Pamuk, “In well-constructed novels, everything is connected to everything else, and this entire web of relations both forms the atmosphere of the book and points towards its secret center.” Thevar Magan performs the same functions in an audio-visual format.

In conclusion, I’d like to say that I have done my best to understand what forms the atmosphere of the film as well as made several attempts to point towards what may be the secret center of the film.

*Thevar Magan was India’s official entry to the 65th Academy Awards in the Best Foreign Language Film category. Unfortunately, it was not nominated.

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