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soft-pine · 1 month ago

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spn20rewatch: 1.18 something wicked

say your desk is covered with a pile of paperclips. something wicked is the magnet you drop in the middle and then they all stick to it; they're all connected.

it's all here. the parentification, the neglect, the way john treats dean which sam doesn't witness, the extreme likelihood that john was using his kids as bait, and the intentional, specific, glorious, lovely ways dean has specifically chosen not to be like his dad.

in the flashbacks, we see dean is in charge of feeding and looking after sam for (at least) three days in some random motel room with the shades drawn. he's not even supposed to go outside. he doesn't have a number for john, just the instruction that if john's not back by a certain time, he's supposed to call pastor jim.

we see john giving dean instructions and responsibility (and criticisms) which he's not giving to sam.

dean is at most 11 years old (ep takes place in 2006. dean says the case from when he was a kid was 16-17 years ago (1989/1990). john's journal places it in 1988; dean was 9)

crucially, even as an adult, dean barely talks to sam about what he remembers of the case when he was a kid. he lets go of little bits at a time and absolutely necessary to the case. but he does not want to process what happened. even when he's so torn up that he breaks down and explains what happened, he doesn't want to talk about it. in part, of course, because he's ashamed of failing to kill the shtriga. but also because dean keeps john's secrets (9.07). and even when he doesn't, sam is not who he tends to process with.

but it's deeply impactful to have an episode where we get to see how dean was treated as a child versus how he treats the kids he meets.

dean is so kind to children throughout season 1, from lucas in 1.03 to lily and charlie in 1.05 to michael here. there is something so great about the way he is both clear that the bad things aren't these kid's fault, while also understanding kids have agency and insight.

i know dean is torn up about using michael as bait for the shtriga but feels he doesn't have much of a choice in order to stop the thing. but the conversation he has with michael is so thorough it really gets me.

DEAN: This camera has night vision on it so we'll be able to see clear as day.... Are we good? SAM: A hair to the right... There, there. MICHAEL: What do I do? DEAN: Just stay under the covers. MICHAEL: And if it shows up? DEAN: We'll be right in the next room. We're gonna come in with guns. So, as soon as we do you roll off this bed and you crawl under it. MICHAEL: What if you shoot me? DEAN: We won't shoot you. We're good shots. We're not going to fire until you're clear ok? Have you heard a gunshot before? MICHAEL: Like in the movies? DEAN: It's gonna be a lot louder than in the movies. So I want you to stay under the bed, cover your ears, do not come out until we say so. You understand? DEAN: Michael, you sure you wanna do this? DEAN: You don't have to, it's ok, I won't be mad. MICHAEL: No I'm ok. Just don't shoot me. DEAN: We're not going to let anything happen to you. I promise.

what a specific contrast that is with

DEAN hesitates, terrified. As he does JOHN bursts through the front door, gun raised. JOHN: (Shouting) Get out of the way! DEAN ducks and JOHN shoots the shtriga multiple times with his hand gun.

something wicked is up there with monster at the end of the book for episode titles that'll make you crazy if you think about it too much.

some other thoughts are just, the first time i watched this scene i thought i was going to explode with love:

DEAN: Yeah well, first of all, I'm not going to open fire in a freakin' pediatrics ward.... Second, wouldn't have done any good, because the bastard's bullet proof unless he's chowing down on something. And third, I wasn't packing, which is probably a really good thing cause I probably would have just burned a clip in him on principle alone.

moral compass boy i would die for you a thousand times and get up and gladly do it again.

and nothing - i mean nothing - hits like dean's voice cracking over the "if it means anything sometimes i do too." like i could actually go insane.

also watching supernatural is how you fill up a computer disc with pictures of dean looking ever so beautiful. like. look at him!! ethereal!!

also also ilu microaggression michael. they should have brought you back in the finale, king.

#spn20rewatch #1.18 #1x18 #something wicked #dean studies #dean & john #i love him so much when hes angry #if deans anger has no enthusiasts assume im dead #not a deans anger defender because hes right hes right hes right hes right #moral compass boy #help im so behind but my farm season is almost over and then its spn time babeeeeey

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wexhappyxfew · 7 months ago

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SHANNON!! You know how much I love the Silver Bullets girls, so I freaked when I saw you posted this!! You also know I love angst (who doesn't, right?). So, could I possibly get Bucky x Kennedy with the prompt, "Hands off!" OR "You'll back off if you know what's good for you."

I couldn't choose which one I liked more lol!! Protective Bucky is my absolute FAV! I know it is going to be amazing!! Thank youuuu!💕🫶

MADS!!!!! HELLO MY FRIEND!!!! so lovely to see you both in the inbox and sending in this duo and prompt! :D i saw it and was immediately like - mads you are a GEM - because protective bucky IS the absolute best!!!! THANK YOU FOR THE SILVER BULLETS LOVE!!! they're my girls and are a joy to write so truly thank you :) your love and support has meant so so much!! i DO know you are an angst lover too hehe, so i decided to take a look at the earlier days of kennedy x bucky knowing one another (with extended cameos from judy and paulina - paulina who i wanted to work with more since i have written a lot of her yet), and dealing with...a rather precarious moment in which bucky is VERY MUCH being protective over the SB girls (with hints of kennedy x bucky of course because that's what makes the world go 'round). i went with the second prompt because i just couldn't help myself with that prompt - it's just too good!!! so please enjoy!!! <333333

far less losses

(a/n): you remember when judy mentioned that john egan has an 'awful soft spot for the Silver Bullets crew'? well....here we are, with bucky showing off that soft spot (which also equates to his soft spot for a certain kennedy farley) all on display. SO -- please enjoy kennedy, judy and paulina, with a bit of bucky being well....bucky haha! please enjoy and thank you again! <3

"I think it's cute!" Judy exclaimed with a smile from beside Kennedy in the mirror in the bunk room the Silver Bullets girls were camped out in, "Truly, Kenny, just even taking those few extra minutes to pull a few pieces of hair away from your beautiful face always makes you feel better."

Judy was right - and she usually was.

After a rather depleting mission that morning, Kennedy had been feeling like laying down and staring at the ceiling for the rest of the evening was her ultimate goal, but Judy Rybinski had found her and convinced her to pull on her Class-A's and take an hour or two to destress in the local pub.

Kennedy shifted herself side to side in the mirror, her thick ginger hair that was usually pulled back from her face in a poor-looking ponytail or hastily put-together braids, appreciating the extra minute Judy had taken in telling her to leave her hair down and clip up some stray pieces behind the lower part of the crown of her head.

"This looks nice." Kennedy said, her voice sounding strange at the sight of seeing herself actually looking quite pretty. Usually covered in grease, dirt and other substances that she didn't even want to know of, seeing her face so bright and clean, her brown eyes light and alive, made her smile a bit.

"You look so pretty, Kenny," Judy said from beside her in the mirror, glancing up at her with the most genuine look on her face, "seriously, you could walk in any pub in England and they'd think that it's Rita Hayworth." Kennedy couldn't help but grin at Judy's words as she took in all angles she could.

"Oh, c'mon, Judy," Kennedy said, glancing down at the ball gunner, "you could do much of the same and they'd think it's Ingrid Bergman."

"That's mighty kind of you Kenny," Judy said with a chuckle, her face glowing, "Ingrid is quite the star, isn't she? Top compliments from Kenny Farley herself."

"What can I say? I'm a miracle worker at the best of times." Kennedy said and Judy laughed again, before looking up to Kennedy softly.

"Let's go get some drinks." Judy said, "Forget about whatever the hell today was, right?"

The walk across base with the sun nearly set was quite peaceful, especially in the summer months - it almost felt like home in some weird way.

Growing up with both older and younger siblings - all brothers - she'd spent enough of her summer days outside from dawn to dusk, drinking her mother's fresh-made lemonade, peeling oranges and eating cheese sandwiches, catching frogs, playing in the streets, making a fair attempt at a ball game where she was usually one of the only girls (having brothers made you automatically a part of the line-up, even if you struck out 90% of the time, she got better though).

She'd come inside, sweating, covered in dirt and grass, with her freckles on full display and her mother would tell her to go and get herself cleaned up for dinner. And everything would smell like fresh lavender soap and soft linen, and dinner would be roasted chicken, carrots, potatoes, asparagus, all the fixings, more lemonade, cookies for desert. Her mother would have to make multiple batches just to feed all her hungry kids.

And her dad would come back from work and be cracking jokes, telling them stories from work, what he had done that day. Something about summer, at home, in Boston.

My how the times had changed from then to now.

The local town pub was a place she'd been a few times, but each time it was much of the same when she got in. It was in fact like entering a whole different world that was separated from both summer and Thorpe Abbotts.

Everything smelled like beer and smoke, there was also music playing, people dancing and without a doubt, every corner you turned, you were shaking hands with someone, introducing yourself and saying your hellos. A home away from home. And it was quite the eclectic mix - USAAF and RAF pilots and crew members all together, local town people, Land Girls. Enough of a comfort though so you could enjoy your drink and meet a new face or two.

"Pretty crowded." Judy said from beside her as they stepped inside and took their ganders around, "Never seen so many people shoved in one place."

"One too many bad missions seems to send everybody here, I won't lie, Judy." Kennedy said, reaching up to tuck some hair back over her shoulder, and letting her eyes glance around again.

"Look who decided to show up." Judy and Kennedy looked up to see Paulina, resident radio op, coming towards them, her long, dark hair elegantly curled, her red lipstick making an appearance again that reminded Kennedy starkly of their training days where Paulina was always going on about the importance of always carrying a tube of lipstick where she went. She always said that you'd never know who'd you see - Christ, Cary Grant could show up and you'll be thanking yourself for that damn tube of lipstick!

"Thought you were staying in?" Kennedy shrugged.

"Judy dragged me out. Promised to pay for a drink."

"Hey!" Judy said looking to Kennedy and teasingly shoving at her shoulder, "I didn't say a thing about paying! I told ya that you needed to get out. Destress. Ya know?" Paulina snickered and glanced to Kennedy who smirked.

"And…I didn't drag you out. I was just convincing enough to get you outta that bunk room." Judy said, "It's a good trait to have, isn't it, Pauli?"

"That's right," Paulina said, stepping forward to wrap an arm around Judy's shoulders, "let's get you two some drinks, alright? And….just so you know, Lieutenant Bradshaw offered to open a tab, so….go crazy, I don't know….I guess she could see plenty of the looks on our faces."

"She's a sweetheart." Judy said with a smile.

"She always knows," Kennedy said quietly as they moved towards the bar, "she's good like that. Reminds me of Birdie."

"She always reminds me of Birdie." Paulina said with a sad smile, "Maybe it's a sign from Birdie up above. Letting us get ourselves Annie Bradshaw as our pilot. You know?"

"I take any sorta stuff like that as a sign," Judy said as they approached the bar and called for three beers, "there's no one like Birdie, but there sure as hell isn't a soul like Annie Bradshaw."

"You ever think about what might've happened if Birdie hadn't gotten hit?" Paulina asked as the tender brought their beers and gave them a smile - Paulina took a long, hard sip before sighing, "Just….things would be so different, but we woulda never met Annie. I don't fucking know, it's weird to think about sometimes."

Kennedy and Judy exchanged quiet glances, but it wasn't like Paulina was lying. Sometimes it was weird to ponder a thing like that - if Birdie had never died and they had never met Annie. And then in moments like this, Kennedy always though that life worked to do things in ways that were always meant to be and clearly what had happened was meant to be, despite the circumstances.

And Annie Bradshaw was always meant to be Silver Bullets' command pilot in place of Birdie Faulkner.

That was one thing for sure.

"Good evening." All three of their heads turned to find one of the RAF pilots they'd seen hanging around in the weeks previous coming towards them, his eyes catching Kennedy's in a way that made her slowly shift her gaze away and sip at her drink again. She sighed. Paulina rolled her eyes.

"Evening." Paulina said slowly, lifting her mug of beer towards him before sipping it and growing quiet. Judy glanced at Kennedy, who gave her a quiet look.

Many of the men that were outside the 100th were usually nice and cordial to them. There'd been some off-handed, unneeded comments before about women in aviation, but they'd heard enough of it to ignore any sort of comment like that. They'd heard it all. For months. Some for years. Ignorance was bliss.

"You three wouldn't happen to be part of the lady crew in the 100th would you?" he asked them, sipping his beer slowly and meeting all their gazes, "I've just had quite the conversation with your Annie Bradshaw if you are. Sweet girl."

"It's Lieutenant." Kennedy offered his way, meeting his gaze again, "She's our pilot."

"Ah," the RAF - Kennedy thought he was a pilot it seemed - pilot said, with a nod, "very sweet girl." Paulina shifted beside Kennedy and sighed.

"Command pilot." Paulina muttered under her breath.

"Anything else?" Judy asked, almost sweetly, but slightly like she were undercutting his words in a way where she wanted to try and disperse the interaction as quickly as possible, "We've had a long day." The RAF pilot glanced at her and smiled, before glancing at Kennedy and Paulina.

"Long day? What ever was the matter?" he asked them and then chuckled slightly and sipped his beer again, "Right - you fly during the day, am I correct?"

"Here we fucking go," Paulina said, pushing back from the bar table, looking ready to start swinging, but Kennedy held her arm and looked to the RAF pilot again, "I swear to God, Kenny."

"We do." Kennedy said, "Why? Is there a problem with that?" The RAF pilot chuckled.

"No, no, not at all. Just curious." Kennedy leaned forward and raised a brow.

"Curious. Curious, curious, curious - what are we curious about it. We've been doing it ever since we came across the fucking pond-"

"What we're trying to say," Judy said interrupting her and giving both Kennedy and Paulina a look, "that's just what we do. We do days, you do nights. Either way, we're pounding the Germans day and night and you should be really thankful for that. You do what you all do, and we do what we do. And it works."

"You'd have far less losses." he offered, in a way that sounded condescending - it made Kennedy's skin crawl.

Far less losses.

Birdie.

Birdie invaded her mind like she always did.

"Listen, we just finished a really crappy mission," Kennedy said, leaning forward and gently wrapping an arm over Judy's shoulders and pulling her closer back from the RAF pilot, "we can pick up this conversation another time."

"Apologies, apologies," the RAF pilot said, holding up his hands in a pitiful, mock-defense, "I'm only commenting on such happenings. Nothing more."

"Commenting-" Kennedy started, but another voice entered her ears.

"Evening."

"Major." the RAF pilot said, suddenly straightening up, sticking out his hand to shake, and his eyes turning glossy, that earlier determination and confidence dwindling.

Kennedy slowly looked back over her shoulder and watched as Major Egan, the smell of beer and cologne wafting off of him, came to a stop beside the three of them there, looking towards the RAF pilot with a face that was the closest to stone-cold that there could be. And Major Egan was not the best at schooling his emotions and concealing what he was actually feeling, but he was doing a pretty damn good job right now.

"What are we talking about?" Major Egan asked, his voice deeper than Kennedy had heard it before, as he crossed his arms and straightened his back, looking directly at the RAF pilot, "Go on, don't mind me."

"Uh, well-"

"Just about our missions," Judy butted in sweetly, looking up at Major Egan, "sir, we were just discussing our….rather interesting differences. But that we bomb the Germans all the same."

"Really?" Major Egan said, almost sarcastically, his smile wide on his cheeks, his voice a crack higher, his tone one that he always had when he was trying to hide his annoyance, "Thank you for that Rybinski, really valuable information." Major Egan looked at the RAF pilot. "You should've just come and talked right with me. These ladies have had a long day. Up at 0300 and still making it out here. They don't wanna have to discuss anything with missions and all. You should know." The group fell quiet as the RAF pilot rather loudly and quite nervously slurped at his beer.

"I just knew they were apart of the lady crew. With Annie Bradshaw-"

"Lieutenant Bradshaw-" Major Egan offered.

"-and I just figured I'd have a chat with them. Never did do much talking about missions with a lady crew before."

"Oh and it's bound to be your last-" Major Egan commented.

"Sir-" Kennedy said looking to him and giving him a look as he met her gaze. Something in his eye told her that he was going to stop until this RAF pilot walked away and she was almost too tired to care if he did say something more or not.

"What's all this about a lady crew, too?" Major Egan said, "They're another one of our crews in the 100th. Did all the same training we did, same shit." Major Egan chuckled. "You wouldn't know that because you were here, what? Drinking warm beer and complaining about the sun-shining, huh? Upset it wasn't nighttime-"

"Major." Paulina said looking up at him, "Just ignore him, we were going to go find Lieutenant Bradshaw anyway."

"Nah, nah," Major Egan said, stepping forward, closer to the RAF pilot this time - the height difference was palpable, with the RAF pilot looking upwards and Major Egan looking downwards, like some sort of quiet conversation being exchanging between the two, "gotta name?"

"Uh, Langley, sir-"

"Langley." Major Egan said, with a funny tone to his voice that was clearly making fun of the way the RAF pilot had said it, "Where the hell you from, Langley?"

"Birmingham. Sir."

"Oh, you're gonna start calling me sir, now, huh?" Major Egan said glancing back at the group of the three of them and grinning that sarcastic, shit-eating grin and pointing over his shoulder, "He called me sir, what a fucking character." Major Egan turned back to the RAF pilot and let his face grow cold.

"The crew is Silver Bullets and they're apart of the 100th just like myself," Major Egan said, "and they've had a long day. All of us have, got it? So, you'll back off if you know what's good for you. And leave these ladies alone and run along to you and your British friends, alright? Get yourself some warm beer, too."

"It's not really super warm-"

"You drink warm fucking beer." Major Egan said with a look, hands on his hips this time, "Go on."

Slowly Kennedy glanced back at the RAF pilot and watched as his brain seemed to rewire, licking his lips quickly as he did so, before retreating like a dog with its tail between its legs. The three of them watched as Major Egan watched the RAF pilot turn to leave, ducking out of the pub with the beer in his hand. Major Egan turned to them, a grin on his face, clearly satisfied with the words that had left his lips and then met her gaze.

"What a guy," Major Egan said, as Kennedy held his gaze, her cheeks heating slightly as she looked back to her beer sat, the glass practically melting on the beer and sighed, "these RAF pilots got a set to be saying stuff like that to you all."

"He said he talked to Lieutenant Bradshaw, sir," Judy said looking up to Major Egan who leaned up the bar beside her, "called her a sweet girl and all. He couldn't even seem to fathom the idea of Annie flying planes." Judy chuckled and looked to Major Egan again. "He probably would've fainted on the spot to hear that we actually are pretty efficient as an all-female bombing crew." Major Egan chuckled at her words and raised a hand for a beer.

"Got that right, Rybinski." Major Egan said with a smile Judy's way before looking to Kennedy and Paulina, "Everyone doing okay after today?"

One thing Kennedy always appreciated with their leaders was that they recognized the toll missions like that took on people - whether if they showed it on their faces or not, their eyes always spoke in ways they couldn't. And he could see that, that much was true.

"I have a cold beer in my hand, sir," Paulina said with a smile, "that's enough to be thankful for after today I must admit." Major Egan let the corner of his lip poke upwards and glanced at Kennedy.

"Farley." Major Egan said, his voice a drip softer than it had been when he'd first come over, "You're quiet."

"And when Kenny Farley's quiet," Judy said with a small smile, "you know the mission today was beating us more than helping us, sir." Major Egan looked to Judy with a saddened smile on his face before looking back at Kennedy.

"Just thinking about something that pilot said, sir," Kennedy said, looking to Paulina and Judy before looking back to him again, lacing and unlacing her fingers over and over again in a nervous way, "reminded me of Birdie." The group of four grew quiet at her words.

"Just when he was going on, sir, about flying night missions," Kennedy said with a nod, "something like we'd have far less losses than if we flew at night. And it just….I don't know, shit like that bothers me. Because he clearly knew about our crew sir, which meant he oughta have heard about Birdie." Major Egan's eyes shifted to hers again, before he glanced back over his shoulder towards the doorway, shuddering his shoulders and letting out a disgruntled groan. He reached forward to take a long sip of his beer and then stood up from the bar and looked to them.

"Come find me if another one of these smucks has another fucking comment," Major Egan said, reaching up to run a hand through his dark curls on his head, before offering a smile, "no one makes comments about the Silver Bullets crew without me hearing about it, alright?" Then he turned and Kennedy couldn't help but step forward and wrap her hand around his upper arm and look up at him.

"Don't do anything stupid, sir," Kennedy said, looking up at him knowingly, "you can have your thoughts about Silver Bullets and our crew, but other people don't like the looks of a woman in the service, nor a whole bombing crew. Don't go getting yourself into more trouble than is needed, sir, alright?"

"Farley," Major Egan said, reaching up to rest a hand on her shoulder, "I've already made enough comments towards them, about them, for them to build a bridge to the States and back. Defending you all ain't much trouble." Kennedy stared at him and fell quiet. "Look, I just got a few choice words for him. That's all."

"Those choice words better involve, don't say that sorta shit like that again and then a firm goodbye and no more, sir," Kennedy said looking at him, "you don't need that face sporting anymore black eyes."

"You think I got a pretty face, Farley?" Major Egan said, looking sideways at her with that award-winning grin again, pearly whites shiny and bright, his eyes squinty, his gaze on her. Kennedy stared at him, the tops of her cheeks turning red as she suddenly felt herself stand quite still, "Go back and enjoy a drink with Stagliano and Rybinski without someone like him hanging over you. Don't worry about me." Kennedy watched him and then slowly nodded.

"Thanks for that back there by the way, sir," she said, quicker than she wanted, her eyes holding his, "it was a long day, with the mission and all. We just wanted a night out without thinking about it, sir, ya know?" Major Egan smiled and bumped her shoulder.

"Think of it as free entertainment." Major Egan said with a grin, before nodding towards the door, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to head out for a bit. Enjoy your beer." He quirked out a grin. "You should wear your hair like that more often." And with that, he was stepping away, running his hand through his own hair and stepping outside the pub again. Kennedy watched him go, her cheeks flaming red - the fact he had noticed her hair was enough for her to swallow it down and forget about it. She turned and slid back to the bar, in between Paulina and Judy.

"What'd he say?" Paulina asked, bumping her shoulder, "Looked pretty damn happy about telling that guy off."

"I think he's probably gonna take a punch to the face, but he's going to go send the message home it seems." Kennedy said quietly as Judy giggled, "What?"

"The look on his face when he saw you weren't the happiest camper, oh Kennedy, it was real sweet." Judy said as Kennedy sipped her beer and ignored the swirl in her stomach and crimson on her cheeks, "He's just sweet on us, you know that. They all are. They'd defend us tooth and nail any day."

"See," Paulina said, leaning towards Kennedy and dropping her voice so only Kennedy and Judy could here, "could've put on that tube of red lipstick even just for him."

"Pauli!" Kennedy admonished and Judy giggled.

"You ain't ever gonna forget it, Kenny, never!"

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