#highschool dropout

[raincamp]

11 03 2023

discovering that i experience pathological demand avoidance / pervasive drive for autonomy (PDA) as a symptom of my autism has been fucking life changing.

i spent all these fucking years feeling so helpless, my parents telling me that im lazy, feeling like a failure because i couldnt even graduate highschool. i didnt understand how everyone else could just sit back and waste their entire lives at the demand of someone else. how they could work 40+ hours a week and not come home so exhausted that they can't even find time to take care of themselves.

i couldn't find a justifiable reason why i was physically unable to do what everyone else has been able to "just suck it up" and suffer through. working full time, being at school full time, it was all enough to make me lose sight of why i was even alive. enough to make me have mental crises. enough that i ended up in the hospital several times.

but idk, im fine when i have control over my schedule. i was thriving during COVID when school was no longer a thing i was forced to do, but something i got to choose to do. nobody was making me sit in a building for 6 hours bored out of my mind. i got autonomy over my schedule, over my life, and i genuinely haven't been able to recreate the feeling of freedom it gave me since.

and when i was forced to go to school again, despite how easy it was, despite the fact that i barely had to do anything, the mere idea of having to sit in a classroom against my will made me burn with such rage that i made it so that i had autonomy over it. i would only come to classes i wanted to go to, which meant going to school three hours late and walking out when the class was over.

now obviously thats not how highschool works so i had to drop out. after a lovely (/s) visit to the psych ward my parents stopped giving a fuck. but then it was my choice to get a diploma/GED which i had zero problem doing, i was happy to do it even. why didnt i just sit through the last 6 months of school instead? idk, to me it felt like fucking torture.

i still feel that way, working full time. working part time even. i hate it because i want nothing more than to enjoy having a career like everyone else can. to be able to have a life outside of work, a fulfilling one even. ive never been able to do that. and it saddens me. why is it that everyone around me can find happiness in working their entire lives away but not me? why do i come home everyday wanting to die? why am i the only one who sees it as an injustice that my entire life is going to be spent at the whims of someone else's demands?

i burn with helplessness and anger and pain at the mere thought. but still i suffer through as many months as i can handle at jobs until i have enough money to last me a couple months of freedom. even though i have to sacrifice my mental stability for it. even though it means hospital visits and alcohol dependency and suicide attempts.

a perfect life for me doesn't include not working though, not working feels unfulfilling, i want to make a living for myself. i want to be financially independent. i dont even mind working 8 hours a day if i got to choose my schedule. if i could wake up one day and say "nah ill wait till 2 pm to start work today" or could start work at 7 am when i wanted, take as many days off as i wanted, which honestly wouldn't be a whole lot because i find value in productivity.

its the fact that i have to follow the demands of someone else that sucks the life out of me.

and now that i have this knowledge i can learn how to use it to accommodate my struggles instead of feeling like a fuck up

- andrew

[jjjordiiii]

Fit today for my final GED test

If I pass I can finally get a job without putting "8th grade education" on my resume

[djohnhopper]

THURSDAY LUNCHTIME LISTENING: Highschool Dropout by Paycheck. Loving this track!

HIGHSCHOOL DROPOUT

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: Tucker gets hired by the JL to work on the Watchtower’s cybersecurity... He might have a few friends visit. 

Batman looked over the application for visitors presented to him by Dr. Foley, who was nervously wringing his hands but seemed excited to talk about his two close associates, and it appeared that everything was in order for the pair to be allotted a short visitation time slot. 

The paperwork was established by Batman himself after all, needing a way to permit non-members (His Children) to visit him at his office in the watchtower. Looking over Dr. Foley’s application, the invites to Dr. D. Fenton and Dr. S. Manson seemed to be somewhat warranted.

Dr. Fenton is a well known astrophysicist and Dr. Foley had been upping the security to reflect more complex physics models as the ‘lock’ mechanism for access to Watchtower servers. Dr. Manson was a more controversial figure in social justice but a biochemist to rival Dr. Pamela Isley, not to mention she was someone Bruce Wayne had met a number of times and not completely hated (though he was sure she hated him and everyone else in the gala). She was a fan favorite guest by his children and a great advocate for animal and human rights. 

Batman approves the application, allowing their visitation for a few hours at a time once a week until the completion of Dr. Foley’s project. 

He doesn’t hear much from it, nor from Dr. Foley, but things start to come down the rumor grapevine that the two guests were more than they seemed. Red Robin was the first to comment on it to him, and as practical and efficient Tim could be, there was a look of chaos in his smile as he discussed the two additional PhDs. He was stingy on details and that always meant something bad for Bruce’s mental health. A few others asked a few questions as to who exactly the pair were visiting, and Cyborg commented that they weren’t really doing too much to assist Dr. Foley. 

Batman decides to intervene and meet these two for himself when he hears Constantine complain (not that the man wasn’t always complaining about something) about the two new magic users being way too OP for normal humans. 

This is how the JL gets to become allied with Ghost King Phantom and Thorn (not Poison Ivy pt.2 as Robin insisted). Turns out they weren’t sure if the JL could be trusted with interdimensional politics, so Tucker spent the last two years gaining their trust to let Danny and Sam up here to ‘check the place out’ before they committed to becoming members. 

Batman doesn’t even get to raise alarms at the espionage of it all because Red Robin has already programed their new badges and welcomed them on with open arms and a project to take down the LOA’s Lazarus Pits “safely”.

[stealingpotatoes]

I’m just imagining Ezra going up to Mace and Depa like “it’s nice to meet my grandmaster and great grandmaster” and they’re like “CALEB TRAINED YOU???”

they see ezra's gunsaber and immediately think "oh my god we must have seriously fucked up training caleb if his padawan ended up like THIS"

[theredcuyo]

May just be me but

Jason who got found by his family when he resurrected somehow and finished his lit degree and then went for another in childhood education just so he can 'legally' have a school in crime alley that's more of a safe space for kids to hide into than an actual school

And he teaches them normal subjects cause he has too but also self defense, and street knowledge, and what medicines can help out when they're sick and don't have money to go to the doctor or don't want to, and how to know when food is still edible, and what are the red flags for a foster home, and how to pick locks, and how to punch any clown they see in the face, and cooking and how to manage money-

And he always "stays late" at the school so the kids have a place to run to if they need to in the middle of the night

And he may not be a full time vigilante anymore but the kids always arrive safely at home and don't even notice the shadow following them

Bruce is so proud of him, but the downfall to that is being the "perfect son who did finish school" for the public and having to appear at events and shit

[sssnakeparty]

my brother has a dropoiut subscription ive been hijacking and im a little in love with jacob lizard from smartypants

[sawvhs]

seriously doubt adam or lawrence had any close/trusted friends which just makes their relationship in the bathroom that much more weirdly emotionally charged. codependency bait to the max

[android-anathema]

it's wild how little medical professionals know about how medical research is done and how to actually discern facts in their field. I find myself giving them statistics 101 classes to explain why some study with a small sample size they heard of second hand isnt hard proof of anything disturbingly often. it really blows me away that they can know all these facts but have no idea how it is that any of them got proven

[knxfesck]

me whenever I'm trying to make a case for mexican americans and suddenly 3 trump voters 5 idiots discriminating against central + south americans 9 teenagers saying the n word and a border patrol agent appear behind me

[raincamp]

storytime, i dropped out of highschool and failed most of my classes, but i technically graduated early because i took my GED and passed all my tests and pretests first try with flying colors (no classes/ extra lessons needed)

I qualified for some state college scholarships but I didn't take them up on it because I wasn't made for academics. Sometimes i feel like a failure because I didn't make it through school like everyone else my age did, but sometimes the school system fails people, especially neurodivergent and mentally ill kids, and thats not a reflection on you or your intelligence.

despite all this i have an apartment at 20 and am working towards my dream career. what's important is the hard work and resilience you put in to succeed even if that path is wildly different to what everyone's saying it should be. its ok if you struggle if you keep trying, you didnt fail the system, the system failed you.

[froginabogg]

i don't think we as a society talk enough about stan learning how to reacitivate an interdimensional portal all on his own that took two top notch scientists and a whole ass DEMON to develop

[diivinesmite]

taking a break from tgf posting to oc post because i can sense sme terrible brainrot on the way

[fetusclick3r]

Men are stupid and I hate them all.

[penny-lambfan]

guys i took "dont do school and stay in drugs" too seriously

[lucaswarmhotchocolate]

on the bright side, this is the farthest into a geometry class I have ever made it! I'm finally learning how to find the volume of a sphere! it only took 4 years...