#hiding will not make you feel seen
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the way that the vast majority of fat queer men are so fucking hot because they still wear nice clothes and groom their hair and beards and are nice and fully accept being fat makes them hot and not resentful to all of society because they're fat and instead want the people that want them.
and then there's the vast majority of fat straight men...like my guys. pull yourself together. take notes from the fat queer men of this world. and especially stop being mad at fat women.
#if I was a man the way I would Hop On Every Bear's dick#I'm a ride they wouldn't survive#you don't need to be palatable to the entire world#but you have to mildly attempt to attract the people that will like you#wear shirts that cling to ur tum#get that tattoo you've always wanted but only see on muscular men#get the haircut that doesn't 'flatter' your chin#do what makes you feel actually good about yourself#hiding will not make you feel seen
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2024 Brazilian GP | x
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#I'm so conflicted about all the rumors!!#I want him to have a spot for 2025!! but rbr is kinda falling apart!! and we've seen how especially callous they can be 😢#I miss Daniel so much 🥺 I've been on my usual insta dives and everytime I see vcarb I still pause out of habit#still I agree with so many folks that its good he got away from rbr who never were going to give him the respect and opportunities!!#so I worry for Franco!!!#and poor Max gosh this FiA balogna and the car just not performing 🥲#tbh I've been hiding in like 2017 posts just soaking up content I missed from bygone days!#I spam my sideblog verstappen100 if anyone wants like mostly Daniel throwback yearning hehe 🙂↕️#idk the vibes feel off this GP especially so like...idk how to explain it!!#but anyways I think I'm just new and I'm sick irl so just kinda stewing in the feels#nothing some gifs can't fix 🙂↕️#and I have to work tomorrow 🥲 but then!!! freedom!!!#anyways just rambling...#I like to hide in the tags and the side blog but I know that#hiding how I feel is blocking me from making true connections in fandom!!#I worry I'll say something silly or something#but maybe I should be more brave instead of hiding#oh anyways!!!#if you're reading all this!! thank you! hehe nothing huge just feeling dumping before slumber 😴#I hope all is well!!#sending good energy out to Franco on such a hard weekend#and to Daniel hopefully chilling and dreaming up something excellent 💞#and to y'all!! have a good night morning and afternoon!! 🌙☀️☁️#going to add a few more photos before I go!!
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i love how much of an ABSOLUTE MESS alice is. you listen to the first episode and think “oh wow a sarcastic and charismatic female character me likey” and then you reach ep 14 and realize that there’s something very deeply wrong with this woman.
#alice bbg#you have the most ridiculous coping mechanism i’ve ever seen let me inspect you under a microscope <3#the secondhand embarrassment i got from the latest episode#shes gonna sarcasm her way out of expeessing her feelings even if it means that everyone around her is painfully aware of said feelings#expressing*#i think she genuinely believes that she’s doing a Good Job hiding her feelings 10/10 very professional#she pats herself on the back after making everyone else extremely uncomfortable#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#magnus protocol#alice dyer#tmagp alice
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meow
#i feel like i should have made his ears a little bigger in th first pic. maybe ill go back and edit it later#GET WRINKLED IDIOT#i first thought of drawing him as a sphinx cat bc i looked at his third eye like hm... if he had wrinkles he could hide his eye#its also very fun imagining him wearing head coverings and hoods cause hes so fucking nakey#kinda makes me wanna draw him more... sphinxes are fun to draw. i kinda wanna make a sphinx design now <- loves designing characters#a thought i had while drawing this is that if only few had seen narinder before (like the lamb and previous vessels) then not many would#know what he looks like. since hes supposed to be death and the only time you see him is when you die and pass on i guess??#so i think it would be an interesting situation if the lamb just introduced narinder as some guy without telling anyone he is or used to be#the one who waits.. smth like a false idolatry situation so everyones like. oh wow our leader has been channeling the messages#of the one who waits for so long its almost like they have become death itself!! ^_^ and narinder is just. standing there#maybe if he gets enough power he can grow more eyes between his wrinkles like in his eldritch form. that would b cool#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl fanart#my art#myart#doodles#the one who waits
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I just think Hunter was obsessed with Willow and didn't even know it during the period from any sport in a storm to labyrinth runners. They maybe don't talk as often as they could, they're both busy and have conflicting schedules, so when they do talk, Hunter absorbs everything she says.
After roughly 3 weeks of texting (hexting? I feel like the kids would call it hexting), He knows that her favorite colour is orange, she likes her tea with extra milk and a bit of honey during winter, she likes working out to the noisiest angriest music in her playlist, her dad Gilbert is a construction witch who specialises in pottery, she used to listen to breakup songs and think about her childhood best friend (Hunter doesn't know it's Amity) and she actually has a mild pollen allergy despite being a plant witch and has to take potions for it.
He casually drops all this info piece by piece during their stay in the human realm and willows like. Well I can't not marry him. It'll have to be a winter or fall wedding to account for her allergies </3
#ramblings of a lunatic#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#willow park#huntlow#Hunter is often ignored and hides and compartmentalizes his identity in order to survive and be respected = his love language is listening#he doesn't just go quiet around Willow bc he's shy (tho that's definitely a factor) he's also like wow everything you say is amazing#i want to listen to you 24/7#(Willow realizes this and thinks back to how often she was ignored and isolated-#-and how it made her feel worthless and she's like. i must make him my bride)#i haven't rewatched in a while so i can't exactly tell how much of this is self indulgent and how much is like. actually character accurate#it's in limbo but it feels true to me#we don't know the details of their text exchanges beyond him sending her (presumably) a cute pic of flapjack#I've seen ppl argue that they didn't talk much over text bc she's slightly suspicious of him at first in labyrinth runners#but tbh I've always chalked that up to the general mindfuckery going on at hexside at that time#ergo she couldn't immediately trust that this was actually Hunter until he mentioned something specific about Gus#so i like to imagine it was semi-frequent chatting but i payed lip service to the idea that it wasn't super duper close#playing both sides so I always win etc etc#this is really just a covert way of babbling my willow headcanons
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Jazz's little. Her parents are super cool. They're ghost hunters! It sounds like something from a movie about future and scientists and supernatural beings and cool-looking tech. They have cool-looking tech at home. It's even cooler than tech in the movies.
Jazz also has a little brother. He's stupid but he's hers, and she will protect him from anything. Her brother is very small, he needs someone to protect him and teach him about the world.
She knows about the world. She understands their parents much better than him, and she can tell her brother when they shouldn't be distracted. She knows when they're upset and irritable, and she knows when they're too excited and being near them is dangerous because of all the inventions.
Jazz does a very good job keeping her little brother safe.
---
Jazz goes to school. Her teachers say that she's very smart, the best student in class, and very mature. Her parents are proud of her - when she manages to distract them from ghosts. Her brother is still kinda stupid and doesn't know how to properly fight food, but she's always there to protect him, because that's what older sisters do.
Her classmates seem to think that she's weird though. Some of them say mean things and call her a teacher's pet and a show-off. Jazz isn't sure why they think so because she's always trying to be friendly but maybe she's doing something wrong. She goes to the school library and finds a book about people and their communication.
It's a very interesting book.
---
Jazz is almost a teen. She's gotten better at communicating with people. The school library ran out of psychology books, and Jazz now has to go to the city library but that's fine. Human brain fascinates her.
She's been feeling like something is wrong about her though. She even thought that she was going crazy for a little bit. That probably wasn't true because she didn't match any symptoms but she was still worried.
Someone told her that being so good at lying and faking face expressions is not okay. That's probably not true, Jazz is pretty sure almost everyone can do that. Or maybe she's just being a prodigy again. It's a very good thing to be able to do after all. She can hide her emotions from her family when she's feeling sad. She wouldn't want to worry them, would she?
She'll have to research it.
---
Jazz is a teen. She now knows that her parents aren't actually that good. It's something that was really hard to accept but it did explain everything. Her parents are kinda bad at being parents, and they also don't really listen when she tries to explain it to them.
It's okay. She's almost an adult and Danny has her. She can take care of herself and her brother.
She learns everything she can about being a parent and a therapist and tries to use her knowledge. It's hard, but she's a Fenton, which means that she's very smart and determined. She pushes through, and trains on her classmates and herself.
In the evening she writes about her feelings in a journal. It's very important to be aware of her feelings because that's the first step to dealing with them.
She's experiencing sadness. And anger, actually, even though she doesn't like to admit that.
She writes "this family is a fucking mess" in her journal and then covers the paper with ink until the sentence is absolutely unreadable.
---
Jazz is sixteen, and her stupid parents opened the stupid portal, which means that they're even worse than usual. It's pretty much okay when they're just stuck in their stupid lab, making some stupid weapons. It's not that okay when they're out of the stupid lab, because they get their stupid inventions all over the stupid house, and stupid food comes to life, and she has to protect Danny from both their stupid weapons and stupid hotdogs, and oh god everything is so stupid.
She's experiencing anger.
She's also acting perfectly calm and almost cheerfully.
Jazz hates how perfect her fake smile is in the mirror.
---
Jazz is seventeen. She wants to put her headphones on and listen to some loud music. Jazz can't do that, because she gets anxious if she can't hear what's happening around her. She needs to be fully aware of her surroundings because she needs to be able to protect herself and her brother if weapons against ghosts become weapons against children again.
She thinks that it's not okay.
The house smells of ectoplasm, so she'll be extra careful when opening the fridge.
She thinks that she shouldn't know how ectoplasm smells.
Jazz should probably also warn Danny: her little brother's gotten better at fighting food but doesn't notice the smell of ectoplasm. Funny, considering his ghost sense.
Funny, considering that her brother is a half-ghost.
That her brother died.
That she failed at protecting him after all.
Jazz stops breathing to prevent herself from crying, and doesn't need oxygen for a few minutes too long.
Maybe she failed at protecting herself too.
---
Jazz is turning eighteen next month. Her parents are all of a sudden more attentive and caring, as if that can change their almost-absence during her whole life. She doesn't like their attention because she doesn't know how to deal with it. She doesn't even really think of them as parents anymore.
She thinks of them as a threat.
Once she's eighteen, she's gonna try to move out, and she's going to take Danny with her because it's not safe to leave him here. Maybe after she gets a good job and saves some money, she'll even get into therapy.
Jazz thinks that she needs therapy.
She's been having Bad Thoughts lately, and she doesn't write them down in her journal. Jazz stopped writing anything in there ever since she found out that Danny is a ghost. She just couldn't risk anyone finding that journal.
Jazz isn't sure if she should call those Bad Thoughts intrusive. They scare her, and they're Bad, but it could be just her normal thought process.
It's still definitely not normal.
---
Jazz is eighteen. Her parents are very excited, whispering to each other about how they found a perfect present for her, some surprise that she's gonna love.
She doesn't care.
Her little brother is late from school, and it's weird, because he was also super excited about giving her his present.
She's worried.
Her parents brush off her concern, say that Danny probably just got distracted talking with his friends. They don't listen when she says that Danny wouldn't get distracted like that on her birthday because he's not them, he actually cares about her, he doesn't forget her birthdays, and something has to be wrong for him to be that late.
They don't listen to her at all.
She's angry.
Her parents are excited and talk loudly about how they wanted to find a perfect gift for their favourite daughter, and how they managed to do it because they love her so much. She hates when they're excited. It only leads to problems.
They bring her to the lab because of course they do, why would they make a gift that is normal and isn't kept in the lab, right? They usher her in, so obviously proud of themselves.
She hates them.
And she hates them much, much more the next second, because the gift is her little brother in his ghost form, strapped to a table, unconscious and injured, and the smell of ectoplasm is strong in the lab because of his green blood dripping on the floor.
There's a cold part of her that analyses her feelings and tells her what emotions she's experiencing, and that part is very aware of thick black smoke of wrath twirling and twisting under her skin. It's suffocating, and she stops breathing as it invisibly fills her lungs, scared of letting it out.
There's a perfectly fake part of her that keeps the smile on her face as her parents gush about how hard it was to catch the ecto-scum, and what they can do to it - together with Jazz because they wanted to share this with their amazing daughter.
Jazz is black smoke of rage under perfect glass of calmness when she grabs Fenton anti-creep stick. The smile she learned to fake under any circumstances doesn't falter when Jazz brings the baseball bat down on her father's head. It grows a little bit wider when she hits her mother, because Jazz learned to smile brighter when she's hurt or sad or scared or angry - experiencing any "bad" emotion actually.
Jazz is angry when she grabs her weapon.
Jazz is furious when she kills her parents.
Jazz is worried when she checks her brother's wounds.
Jazz feels nothing when she rigs the portal to blow, walks out of the house and presses the button.
She is her parents' genius daughter after all, and she did listen when they were telling her about their inventions. Maybe it would have taken longer to do, but she had Bad Thoughts, and they probably weren't just intrusive after all, because she did what they told her and made it very easy to make a bomb out of a portal. Just in case. Her parents were a threat, and Jazz was smart enough to prepare to dealing with threats, and she was smart enough to make it look like the threats dealt with themselves.
She really hoped she wouldn't have to use that button though.
---
Jazz is nineteen. Her sort-of-friends at uni offer to go to a restaurant, and she tells them that she doesn't celebrate her birthdays. There's a noise of all of them saying that maybe she should try, noise that she really should have expected, because humans are always so excited about any holidays, it's hard for them to understand that someone might not like them. It's not hard to stop that noise though. They shut up very quickly when Jazz says that she had "a very traumatic event" on her birthday.
Good. She doesn't like loud people.
Jazz goes home to her little brother. He's sad because his parents died in an awful explosion a year ago. He's still trying to smile because it's also her birthday, and Jazz is very happy that he's bad at faking a smile.
It means that he won't end up like her.
Jazz hugs her little brother, and he gives her a little present that she adores, and then they sit in silence and eat some takeout. It's very nice.
She never tells Danny that their parents died before the explosion, and that the explosion wasn't an accident, and that their ghosts did form after that because of all the ecto-contamination they had, but she made sure this wouldn't become a problem. She never tells him what she's done, because that would hurt her little brother, and she would never let anything hurt him.
Jazz will protect her little brother from anything.
#I was feeling kinda upset yesterday#and decided to make it everyone's problem#this just clawed its way out and why not put it on tumblr#it's not like many people will see it#I love when a mix of “bad parents” AU with “protective Jazz” AU turns into “Jazz kills her parents” AU#I've seen a few stories with this twist and apparently it wasn't enough for my brain#Jazz deserves to go a little crazy#also yes Jazz is liminal here because of the ecto-contamination#and she found where the ghosts of Fentons were starting to form and destroyed them#killed them twice#double double kill#protective murderous Jazz my love#make her brother upset and she will make sure you're gone *forever*#if it's not clear: the “Bad Thoughts” was her thinking “maybe I should kill my parents before they kill my brother”#and then she went and did something with the portal so that it would be one added detail and a press of a button away from exploding#in case she needs to run away from home with Danny and kill their parents#she didn't know if she would be able to kill them with her hands and not from away because it's hard both physically and psychologically#but she couldn't risk them doing something to Danny#and it was easier than she thought it would be#I've been thinking a lot about how Jazz could get interested in psychology because of her own problems#and how she definitely hides her emotions#if you see any mistakes please tell me because this is also kinda my way of learning English better#danny phantom#tw: murder#tw: death#tw: neglect#this is my first time doing this so please tell me what warnings I forgot and I will add them
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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Trans boy Percy can be a lot of fun
just a lot of people have a tendency to make it something he comes out about Pre-canon and that it changes nothing
while I'm over here like I firmly believe that Molly would not have continued having kids if she thought she already had a daughter
and i think she would be annoying as hell about him figuring himself out I just think she would be so disrespectful about it
Molly would be a "but your ruining yourself! you are my baby girl!" while crying type of parent and I believe that in my heart
She would guilt trip Percy like crazy about it while feeling 100% like she's doing the right thing.
Do I think that maybe she would realize after a few years that she's being absolutely terrible? I mean like I would hope so
#percy weasley#Now Post-war Trans-girl Percy finally letting herself be free and no longer caring about what her family thinks?#is amazing and i love that concept#i feel like every non shipping post i could want to make about Percy is one i've already made at this point#ik I've talked about trans!Percy before but im going to do it again#Tw: transphobia#trans!percy weasley#I firmly believe Molly would continue introducing Percy as her daughter im sorry#i just think she would be transphobic i don't think she would spew like truelly heinous things like hoping Percy dies or anything#but i do think she would never respect Percy's pronouns or only respect them when she's happy with him#does this mean i think transboy!Percy can't be done? no obviously not that is dumb you can do whatever you want#its just most depictions i've seen have been very the Weasleys all accept him or at the worst the twins make like one joke and drop it#when i just don't think it would go like that personally#though wish fulfillment is also just a good time so *shrug*#This has been hiding in my drafts for who knows how long so I'm freeing her#molly weasley critical
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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what the fuck
#ableism#tw ableism#npd#npd safe#you could not pay me any amount of money to make something this bad#“his fragile ego got destroyed” theyre not even hiding it anymore#have you considered that npd is like. a real mental illness that REAL people suffer#sorry 4 the rant i just feel so pissed#the fact that 1.1 million people have seen this makes me disgusted
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at the end of the day waking up to little waves from you is the best thing ever + most of my ftiends are graduating very soon and i'll miss this all so much
#i could be anywhere rn i could be in another country i could pack my bags tomorrow and go back or go forward but rn i just#have been so happy here w you !!!!!#yesterday i could have spent a hundred and seen the girl i used to love but our friend was sick anyway and i told her i hope you feel bette#but im glad we cant make it. in the past month i think i may have developed severe back pain but ive filled my heart so glutenously it feel#almost wrong. break my mug again! eat my leftovers !! lets sit together ! hide me from your landlord again show me photos of flowers again#show me your type we'll shout at you to ask her out scared we love you very much. she finally jokes around with me. i see where the#fake punches come from. something flashes in the periphery. wake me up with laughter again! no sleep on your voice again !!!#wave at me through the glass hold my hand again ! let me make you tea again !! we might never be in the same room ever again !!
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grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA
#kidding theres no way to fix it when it’s like this#everything i’d normally do to alleviate it makes it worse when it’s this bad#because it’s like wow look at you trying so embarrassingly hard to not look disgusting and failing miserably#i had to cancel my plans yesterday and today because girl i can’t go outside when i feel like this i can’t even get out of bed#looking at myself makes me want to VOMIT why do i look like this#i look back on old pictures of myself and try to work out what was different back then so i can replicate it#but people say i look exactly the same in those photos as i do now#and i remember taking those old photos and feeling ugly and dysphoric back then too#if i lean back into my more cis look i’ll get gendered correctly again which i want#but i don’t like playing cis man it’s not who i am and it makes me feel weird and gross#i just hate what i look like no matter what i do to my appearance#every single part of my physical self makes me feel really ill and anxious and bad and guilty#there’s not a single bit of me i can stand to look at when i feel like this#i feel like everyone who has ever seen me thinks i’m disgusting and ugly and horrible to look at#and i want to like hide forever but i can’t#it’s so hard to function like this#i hate everything about me so much#someone affirm my stupid dumb ass gender right fucking now i’m going to die
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it kinda sucks that even in like. Mental Health Positive spaces you cannot really talk or show or depict or discuss self harm scars or talk about it in a past sense like. there is always an assumption you are Edgy or romanticizing it or endorsing it or something else when it's like. man. its just a fact of life for some people. that is just how some people's bodies look.
like ive seen people roll their eyes at and talk rudely about others drawing characters with self harm scars or writing about it and its like man. real people have bodies with scars from self harm sometimes. im sorry it offends you but Some People Look Like That And They Cannot Change It. my body looks like that and its clear after over a decade that its never going away and im not really ashamed of it its just a neutral thing to me. its a part of my body its how i look and its me. but depicting that is somehow Wrong and people will make all sorts of honestly very rude assumptions about you!
nd god forbid you post a picture of yourself like a completely normal photo where your arms with old scars are visible because that is how your body looks. its insane how even in spaces where its widely accepted that you shouldn't police people's bodies and its insane to ask people to Trigger Warning their bodies otherwise, its still somehow reasonable to do that to people with self harm scars. girl that is peoples bodies! im sorry it makes you uncomfortable but that has to be a You Problem. all of this is just like. another form of judging people's mental health and bodies audibly but because its under the guise of Well This Is Uncomfortable >_< its okay i guess. man.
#self harm mention#see this isnt under a read more for a reason. lol. bc i dont wanna be like 'ummm guysss can i talk about this thing that pisses me off dont#worry ill still hide it tho guys'#tess talks#my scars r from middle school i am a full grown adult with a degree now.. like why should i feel ashamed or hide something for a decade#or feel like depicting that in any way for me or others is somehow Wrong. when it is just a Scar and a feature like any other. MAN!#thing is i have never depicted this in public things bc i have seen what people say about the few others doing this.#its fine if it makes you uncomfortable. lots of art can do that. that is a You Problem though cant stress that enough.
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😔Bard 😔 and 😔 Ven 😔 <- soooooo normal about them
shaking your hand …. bard and ven…..
wonder how many of wispti’s mannerisms kept over in their human form …. like if they had a habit of hiding behind the bard, would they still do it now ? how often would they have held onto bard’s arm as though it was a lifeline while they’re walking around new mond,,, they’re each other’s emotional support beloved
#oh and bard. and ven’s wings. he would 100% research into how to take care of them like friend you are going to have THE BEST AND SHINIEST#wings that Anyone will ever have seen#the trust in ven letting bard preen them …..#anyways just . the idea . of everyone getting a new perspective of some of the things wispti did now that are people sized#LIKE CONSIDER: wispti nuzzling or holding themself against the bard’s nose and them doing that now and bard . bluescreening immediately.#also ven sitting in bard’s lap and him realizing he will have to come up with new ways to make sure they don’t fall off#number one: Big Wings in my face#<- actually ven would probably be so elated if they had to switch who had who in their lap#like oh hell yes. I get to Hold bard#also rip to all of ven’s hiding spots too 😔#well i mean . it would be very cute to see them sharing bard’s clothes .#“are you cold. are you warm ?? dw bard i got this” (snuggles into cloak) “is this working ? feel better ?”#BUT YEAH SHAKES HANDS .. BARD AND VEN ………..#sorry the idea of like rhw seeing ven trying to perch on the bards head like they used to and it’s. not working. gripped me so extremely#lantern replies#mutuals !
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I wish I had Hetch and Nikki interact. I wish I thought to make Hetch interact with everyone in general, but I specifically wish I had a few scenes between him and Nikki. I think it would have done wonders for exploring their characters more.
#hetch is so mean because he thinks being angry and yelling makes him more powerful when he feels powerless#Nikki is kind and while she's devalued for having strong emotions they don't make her weak like people say they do#is anyone else a little hooked on CC Nikki saying the consequences of people seeing you cry is worse than if you don't#or something like that i haven't seen that vod in a while by something about her specifying that GL Nikki has to HIDE her crying#not necessarily that her crying defining her is the problem but that she isn't supposed to be doing it in front of the camera#that floors me
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