#hi??? how do so many people like me wtffff

[dandelionflowery]

First of thanks for the tags @messingwithmoony and @uhhlifeig !!

Second: I HAVE LIKE 170+ MOOTS OMG??? TY?? (yes i counted)

Time to find out how many people I can tag lol

@siriusblackdevotee @vulcajes @starving-marauder-lover @ari-hearts @lex-dr4ws @nourinzz @sparklingwatermelo @hotteststar @luckygreeenblogsss @swagrunawaywinner @madmadder @distinguishedvoidkid @thepocketeater @keytar-official @izzythedemigod @sanemero57tempmain @spookyblazecoffee @nontheanon @imonthenoflylist @cemetriiez @emperordipsh-t (i can't tell if tumblr was just acting up or if i really forgot to follow you back till now but if it's the latter, hii! dunno how that happened lol) @stars-and-leather (i apparently forgot to follow you back too; but hi!!) @ashstillalive (again, forgot to follow you back, so hii now!!) (i'm wondering if maybe tumblr messed with the notifications one day bc me missing 3 people relatively close chronologically is weird) @therewasnofloorbtw @sweeterelease @green774 @justazebra @reggiescat @hyperfixationsgobrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (it's a good thing tumblr suggests your name lol bc that is a lot of Rs) @axolotl-detector @aieoggen @marysgffr @secretly-a-goose @madame-marauder @metalmouth0004 @lusxnei6 @whydousernamesevenexist @eggedagain @littlegayduck @salubriousbean @nanochittle (HI NAPS hehe) @onyxxberry @this-machine-runs-on-coffee @thatacefrog @ethan-torchios-bitch @communist-usa-real2 @yuuricino @mybedroomceilingsbored

Rb and tag your mutuals. No reason, just to let them know you appreciate them.

Moots <3

@imasillygooose @mat-of-superwholock @furious-poetry-review @why-am-i-a-moth @breadbut3d @doctahpants @raspberrydee @disasterhals @priincessboy @spacecurlsandbowties @reyah-song @drop-of-infinity @chilly-shark @tangerinejuice @lilgayboy475 @codex-arcene @bananaterracotta-pie @icarianstars @alltoowellsscarf @jodie-whittakers-suspenders @blogurlnotfound

Holy shit there's a lot of you <3 love you guys. Not to get sappy on main but y'all make this hellsite (affectionate) a really great place to be, and I've found a great sense of community with you all. Much love <3 -Cas

[thechaoticplayer]

Hi you lovely person! May I please request smut where you help Hex 'relax ;)' because this poor man is so stressed and depressed. Being the student council therapist is a hard job after all! :( also the brainrot has been real since he talked about how men need to moan more during sex- Thank you!

Author's note: AAAAAA A REQUESTED HEX SMUT VAMOS VAMOS VAMOOSSSS TY YES THIS IS PERFECT (THIS IS SO FUCKING SHORT WTFFFF)

Summary: Hex Haywire, the student council therapist, always seems so exhausted after doing his job. So you decide to help him "relax" in his office. Contains: NSFW content, praising, a blowjob, fucking in an office where anyone could walk in at any time but who gives a fuck, relaxing Hex haywire, some fluff at the end, none of my works are proofread so yeah sorry if theres mistakes MDNI or dont I dont give a damn

"Darling," you start, shutting the door softly with a click behind you. "You seem stressed. What's wrong?"

Hex rubs his temple with a drawn out sigh. He seems more stressed than usual. Which was usual and at the same time, unusual. Shouldering many people's pain is a rough job, but he looks completely drained. You couldn't possibly imagine what it would be like, being in his shoes.

"Nothing baby, just..." Hex pushes up his glasses, but it's still lopsided. "A long day, that's all."

You navigate around the wide mahogany desk and he turns his chair towards you, arms extended. You smile gently and climb into his lap, arms around his neck. Hex buries his nose into your neck, inhaling your scent.

You run your fingers through his hair. "How about I make you feel better? Relax?"

Hex looks up, studying your face. A smirk tugs at his mouth. "What are you suggesting?"

You can't help but smirk back. "An efficient relaxing method perhaps."

"Feeling shameless today, hmm?" Hex squeezes your waist with a soft chuckle. "I'm not opposed to it, but are you sure?"

"Isn't that my duty? to take care of my stressed boyfriend?" You reply, sliding off his lap and kneeling on the floor, your hands on his belt. Hex gazes down at you, his eyes seeming like they're glowing. Glowing with need. "Just sit back and relax, and I'll take all the stress away."

You unbuckle his pants and unzip, his cock straining against the cloth. You take it out of its restraints, your hand around his member.

"Don't be afraid to spit on it baby," Hex says, voice deepening as he watches you. You do so without hesitation. "That's my girl."

You rub your thighs together, gathering friction for the growing heat between your legs. Your hand goes up and down Hex's cock as you look up and watch his eyes flutter closed, mouth parted slightly.

"Just like that..." he murmurs.

You lick a stripe from the base to the tip and Hex shivers slightly. As you travel up, you take the tip into your mouth and suck lightly, earning a breathy moan in response.

You stop halfway of his cock because holy shit it was big and there was no way in hell you could fit it all, so you stroke the lower half. While hollowing your cheeks, you suck hard and Hex's hand grips your hair.

"Fuck, that's good," he pants, moaning softly. "Keep going keep... mm..."

You trace a vein with your tongue as Hex pants above you, a hand covering his mouth as he struggled to keep a low volume. He praised you constantly, making you moan against his cock. The vibrations make his cock twitch. Hex could feel himself getting closer but he wanted more.

Hex, with his grasp on you, pulls you off his cock with a pop. Breathing hard, he stares you in the eye. "Ride me."

You scramble up to your feet without pause, getting on top of him as Hex assisted discarding your underwear. His hands finding home on your hips as you slowly lower yourself onto his length.

You both release a moan once he's sheathed inside your warmth. The stretch hurts so good. Your walls hug his cock perfectly, and it made him hungry to feel you even more.

"Can you move sweetheart?" Hex rumbles in your ear, nails digging into your skin.

You nod obediently, raising your hips up before slamming back down.

"Fuck!" Hex exclaims and you bite your lip to keep quiet. You rise up and down and his head is thrown back. "Just like that! God, you're so fucking perfect-"

Your tits bounce up and down, your legs quivering as you rode him hard. Hex adjusts himself so he can rolls his hips into you and you let out a moan, pressing your mouth against his neck and biting down.

You could feel him moving inside you, his cock ramming into you and hitting the spongy bit inside. Hex's noises loud in your ear, his breaths ragged. You had to grab his biceps for stability, afraid you'd fall off from how rough you two were going.

"I'm close baby, 'm close," he breathes against your skin, licking from your neck to your ear and sending shivers up your spine.

"Me too," you gasp, the heat pooling in your lower stomach. You feel yourself squeeze around Hex's length and he groans at the feeling.

"Cum with me love," Hex rasps. You nod earnestly as the coil in you grew tighter and tighter and-

A strangled noise rips from your throat as Hex's seed coats your walls, your own cum envelopes his cock. Hex groans loudly, digging his nails so deep it was sure to leave small crescent shape Mark's for the next few days.

You press against his chest, shuddering from the hard orgasm. Hex wraps his arms around you and you feel his fast heartbeat matching with yours as you rest in each other's embrace. Both heartbeats slow down in tandem, and Hex is practically purring as he holds you.

"How was... that? Do you feel relaxed?" You ask, a bit tired to get off him and it appeared he was also not willing to pull out of you so soon.

"That was perfect love," Hex says, and you can feel his voice rumble deep in his chest. he gives you a brilliant smile, kissing you affectionately. "Thank you so much. You never cease to amaze me."

You cup his cheek and he leans into it. Giggling softly, you return the kiss on his forehead. You also fix his lopsided glasses. "You're welcome, darling. Anything for you."

Hex cuddles against your chest and you laugh. He mumbles compliments and a soft but discernable, 'I love you' and your heart swells. You bury your face in his hair.

"I love you too."

[houseofjaqen]

hello ! first I´m not considering house of dragon as an adaptation of the book fire and blood , I think it´s just a fantasy show . and I don´t know if you are watching it. My question is: why people and the showrunners are pretty sure that daenerys is the princess who was promised !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? I watched daemon vision in the final episode and I was like wtffff , daemon litterally saw bloodraven , white walkers and daenerys holding her baby dragons and people in the comments declaring that she is the princess she is the song of ice and fire wtfffffffffffffffff,

after what they did in the final episode , I´m pretty sure now that jaqen is really a targaryen the way daemon touched the weirwood reminds me of how jaqen touched it : it´s a confirmation that jaqen=aegon=the song of ice and fire=he is related to the tree

I repeat again I´m not considering the show as an adaptation , but after I watched it , they have connected everything to jaqen and dany and arya . why people won´t read the books and see the truth .

I´m sorry I have many things to say but really I believe now that jaqen is the most important character in the books and in the show .

bonus: rhaegar has already confirmed that his first son has the song of ice and fire , hotd did the opposite : dany has the song wtf so there´s no 3 heads of dragon wtf .....

this picture is from the comic book , they made jaqen look like a weirwood tree even the book confirmed it and arya said maybe the old gods have sent hin as an answer . are the people blind ???? they can´t see his importance -

I´m so sorry about this long ask but I have many things to say..

Oh my, I've just discovered my inbox thanks to you! Thank you, dear!

HOTD writers follow Game of Thrones because this is the official version made by HBO. George R. R. Martin gave them a free hand to adapt the books like they wanted. Lots of fans hate it and I hate it too but what can we do? GRRM can do whatever he wants. He chose them.

I hate how they ruin the story in the new show. I hate how they ruin the characters. They didn't learn anything from Game of Thrones mistakes. You are correct that this is not adaptation. This is assassination of the source material. It saddens me because they don't have to do this. They have Fire and Blood. They don't have to guess the ending.

Thanks for the Jaqen. We will get lots of that coolness when GRRM gives us the books. The three heads of the dragon and Prince Aegon in place of Jon parading as Aegon. You know what I mean. All these scenes in Harrenhal make me think about Jaqen and Arya. Alys could have seen them in her visions. It sucks that they won't show it in HOTD because they cut the story from Game of Thrones.

Let's keep fingers crossed for the books!

[bakershakers]

hi!!

i dont really know how tumblr works or what people usually post here, and i dont know if anyone will even see this but heres just like an intro to me :))

im cesar, im 15 almost 16 as of writing this and i love nature. i love geography and travel and flowers and i love music and i wanna get into reading, if you have any book suggestions feel free to give them to me 😛😛

okay so geography--in 2021 i moved from my childhood house and i kinda felt like i also left myself there, so id turn to google earth as a form of coping because that was the only way i could continue to see all the places i loved and my house without having to drive the 20ish minutes there through heavy traffic. i know its not a long distance but yall its america thats like really long like almost 10 miles. anyways, me scrolling around all my childhood memories on google earth lead to me exploring well earth. from then on, i was obsessed. call it a hyperfixation if you will but i was OBSESSED, i never stopped. my passtime is exploring cities on google earth. i can name every country within 15 minutes now, every state, locate every state on a blank map, every canadian province, locate ever mexican state, you get the point. i love geography. this sorta ties into my next one:

i love traveling! im pakistani american (first gen) so ive been to many places internationally including the uae, pakistan, canada, the uk (just london tho), the netherlands, and to a lesser extent (like layovers n such) portugal, spain, and qatar. the second i graduate highschool i am leaving florida because i can not STAND it here omfg. i wanna go to nyu, but if i get into ucla thatd be my first. given my grades and the fact that my mom went to nyu, it seems more reasonable of a goal. my dream is to live in seattle and raise kids there in the city proper, i love washington state and the mountains and the forests like yall omfg you dont understanddddd.

speaking of forests, i love flowers. flowers are literally the bane of my existence. a newer one of my interests seeing as it started in late january and its currently late february, but oh my god i cant i cant i cant theyre so pretty and delicate and precious and beautiful like how do they even exist its just so unfathomable how pretty they are like this is literally proof god exists because wTFFFF!!! something this beautiful and this widespread doesnt happen by chance (with that given, im an ex muslim and an athiest so 😭😭, philosophy is one of my big interests though, i just dont feel like writing about it rn) i love biology and science like im in ib rn and my hl's (higher level classes) that i picked for next year and senior year are hl bio, hl chem, and hl english so yeah i love science. im more of a naturey science person, like animals plants geography, FLOWERS, etc!! im thinking of doing something science for my major in college 🥳🥳

next, i love music. if you know me irl, youll know my love for music. it expands into nearly ever conversation i have. my top artists rn are (not in order) lana del rey, billie eilish, beabadoobee, marina, bôa, laufey, mitski, the marías, ic3peak, some of poppy, olivia rodrigo, grimes, kali uchis, and im tryna get into doechii currently. i love music, its so beautiful. my fav albums ever are norman f*cking rockwell, ultraviolence, happier than ever, froot, this is how tomorrow moves, beatopia, and bury me at makeout creek. as of writing this my top song for the past week are as follows; this is how it went, california, beaches, mariners apartment complex, and youre here thats the thing :)))

last but definitely not least, reading. poetry is so poetic. poetry is beautiful. i love when words have meaning instead of being flat blank skidmarks on a piece of dead tree pulp, like i love the entirety of violet bent backwards over the grass by lana del rey, her poetry and her symbolism in music always shocks me, its so good. same with marina and billie, theres a reason those are what i consider my 'big 3' , i stream them by far the most and theyre my absolute favs, i know the lyrics to nearly all of their songs!! anyways, i want poetry that speaks to me, literature that speaks to me. im thinking of maybe pursuing music or poetry in the future as maybe a side thing. i love sylvia plath, ive been meaning to go to the library and see if they have her books for a while now but i just havent found the time, hopefully soon!!

heres some last things to know about me though; im fascinated by religion and philosophy having grown up muslim (and still practicing despite not believing cuz yk parents n all), im also fascinated by topics like politics or gender and sexuality. for most of the pandemic i went by he/they and identified as gay, but as of now im he/him and identify as bisexual. ive never dated but like DGAFFFF, anyways!! i maybe wanna be a politician in the future bc i hate the current system, but idk how thatd play out. so, yeah, thats me! have any thoughts leave them below, wanna be friends then follow me and we can get to talking :)) thanks for reading!!

[mybrainsrottingwithmcd]

hi!! so i’m. really really new to the aphmau fandom, aka i was super into it when i was like 8 and now my autistic ass got back into and actually joined in fandom stuff

i don’t. entirely understand how to guide through the aphmau fandom on tumblr. and i have a few questions- if you wouldn’t find can you answer them for me since you seem to be super into this!

what is an MCD rewrite and where do i find them- i assumed it’s people rewriting minecraft diaries but what sparked this and why?

what’s with the hate for aaron and aarmau- i don’t. fully understand it

how did garroth/lawrence happen (i love the idea)

is there like. a masterlist of aphmau lore somewhere so i can make sure i didn’t miss anything in my rewatch (i definitely missed stuff in my rewatch)

Hello hello!! Welcome to the fandom (we’re so sorry ur here its a mess)

I’d be happy to answer ur questions :D

“what is an MCD rewrite and where do i find them- i assumed it's people rewriting minecraft diaries but what sparked this and why?”

Yeah you’re right a MCD rewrite is people rewriting MCD and adding their own ships or improvements or different plot points. It started because the original MCD is kinda written poorly. Some plot points go nowhere, some parts are problematic, some parts drag on, characters appear and disappear, characters stopped developing and most importantly MCD has no ending and was abruptly discontinued by Jess so she could focus on Mystreet and other projects. People just wanna improve and finish the thing that means so mich to them basically. You can find them on AO3 and a few on Wattpad (I recommend AO3 tho its easier to find rewrites ur interested in cuz the tag system)

“what's with the hate for aaron and aarmau- i don't. fully understand it”

(There arent enough words in this world to explain my hatred for aarmau and aaron BUT)

Many reasons heres the main few: when Aaron was introduced he was supposed to be a side character but then he became a love interest kinda outta nowhere (my theory as to why is because Jess’s husband Jason voices him) and when he did become a love interest other characters like Laurence and Garroth kinda stopped developing and became worse to justify why Aaron was a good choice for Aphmau. For me they never had any chemistry in MCD, when its revealed Aphmau is pregnant with Aaron’s kid my brain logged out because wtffff how did they find the time and also why Aaron ://. He wasn’t kinda boring, his angsty past could’ve been used more but wasn’t he was just a brooding masked figure who followed Aphmau around. Then Pheonix Drop High happened and made things really weird. So when Aaron was 18 going on 19 he started dating Aphmau who was 14. Very creepy much yuck, they didn’t communicate well and then his whole character became that he’s in love with Aphmau but “he’s just not good enough for her :((“ and “i shouldn’t be with her shes perfect” and personally i find romance dramas infuriating, especially that kind of drama. AND YES AS A 18YR OLD U SHOULDNT BE DATING A 14YR OLD WELL DONE AARON. Mystreet they were the annoying lovey dovey couple with relationship drama they just rubbed me the wrong way in that series, I stopped watching after Emerald Secret and only recently forced myself to finish Mystreet and yeah no idc about them or their relationship. In MCD season 3 when Shad was introduced as a full character his whole thing is he’s Aaron again but evil and Aphmau’s sad about it and uuuuugg i dont caaareee. And I personally thought Aphmau wasn’t gunna end with anyone in MCD because she went on multiple rants about how that isn’t what she’s looking for and she has to think about her people first and she prefers her own company and then BOOM gets pregnant of masky mcsad face. Ugh. Basically Aaron ruined everything.

(Aroacemau truther 4 life aarmau hater 4 life)

“how did garroth/lawrence happen (i love the idea)”

Garrence has been a ship since the characters were introduced and quite simply its because they have more chemistry together than with Aphmau. I’ve always been a lil uncomfortable with how Jess wrote Laurence and Aphmau’s interactions and Garroth and Aphmau’s interactions but Garroth and Laurence interactions were just more natural they had more banter they were sweet together. Then Jess did a bunch of queerbaiting with it and the ship got bigger, so many fanarts so many fanfics. Then it just never happened because Jess is a coward. Like it would’ve been so nice to see the hints and chemistry go somewhere but it didn’t. Everyone still holds hope tho. With rewrites Garrence is Canon :))

“is there like. a masterlist of aphmau lore somewhere so i can make sure i didn't miss anything in my rewatch (i definitely missed stuff in my rewatch)”

i have no idea on that one, i’ve rewatched MCD every other week for the past 8 years (autism go brrrrr) i’ve never had to look for a masterlist of lore BUT I’m sure someone has to have compiled one somewhere either on the fandom wiki or on Tumblr somewhere. :))

ANYWAYS YEAH WELCOME TO HELL HAVE FUN HERE

[danganronpafan777]

Just finished Danganmon…

Wow… what a ride.

Thank you for requesting for me to watch this fangan!!

I didn’t and still don’t know a lot about Pokémon but the characters and the plot were super freaking good.

The ending made me tear up, and it’s all such a good message.

Here were my reactions to this chapter: (SPOILERS!!!!)

How have they not registered that they’re Pokémon turned humans yet? The tv literally talked about 16 missing Pokémon bruh

My dumbass forgot that there’s 18 students here, so I’m guessing it’s the two knowing traitors? And the mastermind is separate? Wonder who the unknowing traitor is….

Another Cyrus fte? This might be a death flag…

Kami: What’s the outside world like?

Monomoth: Totally fine, but I could be lying

Kami: I don’t trust her

Juno and Cyrus: *offended*

Idk it’s funny to me

Fryyy! I missed him sm

What if dream Fry is actually him from the afterlife? Maybe hes trying to pass on Zoro’s message?

So Cyrillo and Wemi watched Beauty and the Beast together? Could that have been their movie? :(

Wait, could Wem have been the “she” Pearl was talking about??

Kami and Cyrillo watching ratatouille is hilarious tho

Yeah, Cyrillo is MEGA suspicious

CAMERAS IN THEIR EYES?? Oh hell nah

Kami taking the knife: that’s a surprise tool to help us later

Pearl’s raising way too many death flags

Sooo “lil pichu” name is Raichu? 

Literally a Saw motive lol

DAMN IT PEARL!!

Poor Sylvia…

I think the killer/mastermind is Cyrillo tho

Why tf did Cyrus’s hair change color for one panel? 

I’m conflicted after Pearl’s message in the elevator. Like, ur not gonna rat out the mastermind cuz their your friend, even tho they forced you to be the headmaster and kill you?? The complexity def adds some nice depth to Pearl’s character tho

My guess: Cyrillo is the mastermind, and Juno is the unknowing traitor

Damn it Cyrus :((

The closing argument was amazingly done, now I’m just waiting for Cyrillo to go apeshit lol

“She is still alive” ?? Are they talking about Kami or Sylvia or is Cyrillo getting delulu about Wemi??

WTFFFF

The mastermind sprites, the fucking eye holy shit-

I fucking love this 

Cyrus being the traitor was my second guess, and him turning into protag is so cool

THEY FUCKING FRANKENSTEINED WEMI

Afterlife theater bouta be hella awkward

NOOOO JUNO DONT DO IT

Plz let Cyrillo step up and self destruct the building instead plsss

Cyrillo’s mastermind character and motivations are so well done. It was kinda predictable, but the character change and morality, even reciting his story which we thought we knew… He’s obviously not right, but damn I love this villain arc

THREE PEOPLE DYING IN ONE FUCKING EXECUTION WTF

Juno’s last words being that he hoped he was finally useful fucking hurts

Glad Apollo reunited with Yanny from his video, and Cyrus… man is getting by at least

Kami’s message at the end almost made me cry, and I love how she has a Pokémon of her own (No idea what it is, or if there’s some kinda significance to it, but it’s v cute)

The last afterlife theater was perfection ✨

Thank you all for recommending this to me! 😊😊

[whytheylosttheirminds]

(wait why did this reblog go to drafts wtffff!!!!)

I loved this chapter SO much I’m trying to figure out how to explain it. I find Rafe’s pov really hard to write from because let’s be honest who knows what goes on in that head, but you did it so well I was so entranced the whole time! So many good one liners and imagery in each paragraph, here’s some of my faves…

Ward was a hard man, a strong man. The kind of guy who commanded respect, even if he didn’t always show it the way others might expect. But that’s the thing, he was a man of respect. To Rafe, that meant something. Everything.

Captured that dynamic so well, like he knows he wasn’t perfect but he wants the respect that he got and he can’t figure out how to command it so he pushes people away instead

He suddenly pushed himself away from the sink, and turned to face you, his blue eyes practically black with a hurt that was older and deeper than either of you could touch.

Oooooo this sentence was beautiful and I could feel the look in his eyes that’s powerful

“Don’t. Don’t you dare try to make this about me,” he spat, the words ugly in his mouth, it felt like they were scraping their way out of him. “You don’t get to make me the villain in your story just because you’re tired of playing my fucking hero.”

“The words ugly in his mouth” why could I HEAR this line? So good

“Good. Because I stopped feeling sorry for you a long time ago,” you replied sharply, every syllable punctuated with weeks of resentment. “What I feel now? That’s just disappointment.”

If someone said this to me I would simply pass away….

You wondered if he’d put up a fight or if he’d just walked away,  giving in to his sister in that infuriating, self-pitying silence he’d perfected.

Ah yes there he issss

“I’m here. Whatever you need, however you need to do this—I’m here,” she promised, making sure you wouldn’t float away.

I’m obsessed with the imagery of “making sure you would float away” may we all be blessed to have a friend like this ❤️

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - SIX

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mention of pregnancy; abortion; lack of self-care; drug and alcohol addiction;

Rafe had been clean for the past three years.

Over the course of the year, things between him and you had been smooth sailing. 

It was almost easy, something he wouldn’t have believed a few years back when everything he touched seemed to go up in flames. There’d been a time when he was just too much—angry, impulsive, doing all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons.

He’d been selfish, reckless, it was intense, way too intense, and when you fought, it was like you were both throwing grenades, just waiting to see who’d blow up first. You’d pushed him away, he’d pushed you harder, and you’d both crossed lines that should’ve never even been close.

Eventually, both of you learned to talk instead of shouting, learned when to back down instead of pushing buttons just to get a reaction. You’d gotten better at letting each other breathe. He’d pull back when he felt himself getting heated, and you’d do the same.

It wasn’t perfect; sometimes you’d still get into it, still end up in an argument that felt like old times, but it was different. There were no more lines on the bathroom counter, no disappearing at all hours. 

Until Ward died. 

Rafe didn’t know what the fuck to feel when he got the news. He knew what he was supposed to feel, right? He’d done it before with his mom, now it was his dad’s turn. The man who had raised him, the one to teach him everything he knew about how the world worked, even if it wasn’t pretty. 

Ward was a hard man, a strong man. The kind of guy who commanded respect, even if he didn’t always show it the way others might expect. But that’s the thing, he was a man of respect. 

To Rafe, that meant something. Everything. 

Ward had shaped him, he couldn’t just forget that, couldn’t act like that wasn’t important.

At first, you were there for him, no question. 

He knew you hated Ward, you barely tolerated the thought of him even existing in the same room as you. You spent those first few weeks with him, making sure he didn’t spiral back into the shit that nearly destroyed him. He needed the support, even if he didn’t always know how to ask for it.

You were there, holding it down. You got through it, the late-night talk, but then, you started getting distant.

At first, it was subtle—small things. He’d catch you looking at him like you didn’t quite get him anymore. You’d pull away when he needed you to listen, when he was ranting about Ward, and even though you tried to hide it, Rafe could see the dissociation.

He pretended he didn’t sense it, tried to tell himself you’d come around. 

After all, this was his grief, and no one else was going to understand it the way he did. His dad had been everything to him—maybe not in the way you thought he should’ve been, but that was just the reality of it.

For the first time in years, it felt like you weren’t there with him. It didn’t make sense to him how you couldn’t see it. 

Ward had been a tough guy, sure, cruel sometimes, but he was also a provider, a father who tried to teach him how to survive, even if it didn’t always come wrapped in the right way.

He wasn’t perfect, but he was the only father Rafe had ever known. He was gone all of a sudden and that was what had hurt the most—knowing he’d never get the approval he’d always been chasing, even when he was clean, even when he was doing better. There was no fixing that. 

He wanted to mourn in peace, but no one seemed to understand why Ward still mattered to him, not even Sarah.

Three weeks after the funeral he spent his days surrounded by a few bottles of scotch he’d stolen right out of his dad’s stash. Who was gonna stop him now, anyway? He almost laughed. Three years clean. Shit, that was something, wasn’t it?

He’d had people telling him he wouldn’t make it three weeks, let alone three years. Shit, his dad sure didn’t think he’d get this far. Only you.

Rafe squinted at the amber liquid swirling in his glass, then leaned back in the worn leather of his dad’s old armchair. It felt weird being in here, in his chair, in his office, breathing in that persistent smell of old cigars and varnish.

After the whole “funeral”, with everyone looking at him like he was a wild animal about to snap, this was the only place he could sit without someone judging him.

If you’re so clean, why are you drinking yourself half to death? He took a slow sip, letting it burn down his throat. 

It wasn’t like it used to be, that high that hit fast and hard, and didn’t care if it broke him apart.

This was different, a slower, quieter process.

Besides, he was in control this time. Just a drink, he told himself, fingers tightening around the glass. No powder, no pills. That was progress.

So what if he had to take the edge off? Who wouldn’t, if they’d just said goodbye to their only living parent and had to look at their younger sisters crying like that? 

He was practically swimming in alcohol. Rafe knew he was overdoing it, but he didn’t care.

Every time he saw himself— on a window, mirror, whatever—he had a drink in his hand, and something about it just felt terrifyingly right.

Grounded.

Nobody understood him; they just kept looking at him with that worried face, like he was on the verge of losing it like he used to when he was younger. Maybe he already had.

You watched him—really watched him—and yeah, he could tell you were pissed. He saw it in that little wrinkle between your eyebrows every time he took another sip. But you didn’t say anything. 

Even Wheezie was on his case in her quiet way.

She was hanging around, throwing out old jokes and trying to make him smile, but he barely reacted. She was looking at him like she was scared, as if he was some stranger she was trying not to set off. And he hated that—God, he fucking hated it. So he kept his distance, hoped she would back off, let him get through this his way.

But then came that night at the beach bonfire, when everything changed.

He probably shouldn’t have gone, but he needed to get out and feel normal again—even if that just implied showing up and pretending, he was fine. He dragged you along, flashing that cocky grin you could see right through, but you followed anyway, probably just to keep an eye on him. He could feel it—the way you were watching him, worried as hell, that just made him want another drink.

Half the people were staring, too. Waiting to see if he was gonna go off, if he was back to the same volatile Rafe he used to be, the one they loved watching spin out. And just when he thought he could ignore it, some random pogue, scruffy, half-drunk, threw out a comment loud enough for the whole group around him to hear.

“Guess Ward Cameron finally found some gold he couldn’t buy his way out of, huh? What was he thinking, running off to some country where people don’t just take bribes? Practically killed himself.”

It took everything in him not to lunge right there, but he was too plastered to keep the anger off his face. He pushed his way over to the guy, hands clenched into fists.

“You got something you want to say to my fuckin’ face?”

The guy shrugged, muttering something under his breath, people were looking now, everyone watching to see if he was finally going to give them a show.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was shoving him back, hard enough that the dude stumbled, beer splashing out of his cup. The crowd around them stirred, murmurs, but nobody did a thing—they were just staring, waiting to see the blood spill. He felt tempted to hurt someone, felt that cameron fury crawling up his throat.

It didn’t matter that he was twice as drunk as he should be; all that mattered was the way his father’s name was rolling off this nobody’s lips.

He felt you grab his arm, long nails digging hard enough to pull him back, he jerked his shoulder, trying to shake you off, but you weren’t letting go.

“You’re gonna waste your time on him?”

Rafe gritted his teeth, but you didn’t give him a chance to argue. You hauled him back, forcing him away from the guy, who was still standing there with that smug look plastered on his face. 

“Get out. Now,” you urged him, voice calm but with the tone that even he didn’t want to test. He glared at you, mouth opening to argue, but you didn’t let him get a word in. “Rafe. Now.”

You were mad at him.

It was enough to knock some sense into him, and he let you reel him away, but not before you turned back.

“And you,” you called out, enough to silence the chatter around you. “Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut.” 

There was no bluff, no hesitation, and Rafe watched as the pogue’s smug expression dropped instantly, eyes widening as he realized you were dead serious, your family’s name always had an impact around town, old money and all.

As you dragged him to the car, he muttered that he didn’t need you playing bodyguard, but you ignored it, taking him out of the spotlight he hated but couldn’t seem to avoid.

His head was spinning, his blood boiling, and he couldn’t even look at you, not with how angry he felt.

By the time you pulled up to his house, you got out, guiding him inside with that hard, that silent determination he both hated and admired in you. 

You were there, right behind him with that look on your face—angry, disappointed, like he was missing something big, as if he was the one who didn’t get it.

He stumbled into the bathroom, holding himself against the sink, and before he could even catch his breath, you turned on the faucet and splashed cold water in his face. He jerked back, sputtering, wiping it with the back of his hand. When he looked at you, his anger burned again.

“What the fuck is your problem?” he snapped.

“My problem?” you scoffed head already shaking, “Are you serious?”

“You don’t get it,” he growled, barely controlling the rage, the shame—everything. “You don’t know a fuckin’ thing about him. I had the right to defend him.”

You took a step forward, finger pointed at your chest, “Don’t I? Because I remember standing in this very house, watching him tear you down every chance he got. You’re so busy mourning this man who treated you like shit, that you’re pushing the people who care about you away. It’s not just me. It’s everyone.”

Rafe laughed bitterly, the sound humorless. “Oh, here we go,” he muttered, rolling his eyes as he turned back to the sink, gripping the edge hard enough to make his knuckles turn white.

“Don’t you dare roll your fucking eyes at me,” you retaliated, stepping up beside him. “I stood by you through all of it, I’m not gonna stand here and watch you kill yourself because of him. He’s the reason you felt like you had to be so perfect all the time, why you’re always trying to prove yourself to people who don’t deserve it. And now he’s gone, and you still can’t see it. You’re still trying to be good enough for him!”

He didn’t look at you, didn’t want to see the indignation—or worse, the pity—in your eyes.

“Just stop,” he muttered, but you were past listening.

“No, I won’t stop. I can’t. I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself again. You’re better than this.”

He suddenly pushed himself away from the sink, and turned to face you, his blue eyes practically black with a hurt that was older and deeper than either of you could touch.

“You don’t get to stand there and tell me what I deserve.”

“I know what you deserve.” 

He scoffed, rolling his eyes again, though his face had gone a shade paler. “You think you know everything, don’t you?” he sneered. “Think you know what’s best for me? Get off your high horse.”

“You’re damn fucking right I know better than you do, I’m not the one who’s drowning every night in some pathetic tribute to a man who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.”

He could feel it now, the bitterness you’d been hiding for weeks. It wasn’t just about him drinking himself stupid. It was everything—every fucking thing you’d been ignoring, it had festered between you two while you pretended things were okay.

“You’re the one who’s just tired of me, of everything that comes with me.”

You took a step back, eyes narrowing, but you didn’t flinch.

“What?” Your rage momentarily dialed down, the sound gurgling, “You think I’m tired of you? I’ve been here this whole time, trying to make you see the truth, but you won’t even look at me. You won’t let me in. You’re too fucking blind to notice.”

His breath was shaky, too fast, but he didn’t care. “So now I’m blind, huh? I didn’t see you sneaking out the door when I needed you? I didn’t notice how you pulled back, how you stopped giving a fuck about me? You’re just waiting for me to give you an excuse to leave.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but he wasn’t done.

“You don’t get it! I didn’t need you to fix me, I needed someone to stay. But instead, you—" His voice cracked, the anger choking him up, "Instead, you started to make me feel like I was a b-burden. Some mess you had to clean up. How am I supposed to deal with that, huh?"

You were shaking your head, your eyes had already been filled with tears, your chest suffocating.

“I’ve been here. I’ve been standing right next to you, waiting for you to pull your shit together. I didn’t walk away. You did.

His stomach churned, as if you’d taken every inch of space in his chest and twisted it, just for fun. The worst part was, he couldn’t even argue with you. Not really. He had been so wrapped up in his own shit, so obsessed with keeping everyone out, that he hadn’t even seen how far you’d already gone.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare try to make this about me,” he spat, the words ugly in his mouth, it felt like they were scraping their way out of him. “You don’t get to make me the villain in your story just because you’re tired of playing my fucking hero.”

“I’m not trying to play the hero!” you screamed, stepping closer, your eyes were cold. “I’m trying to help you see that you have to fix this. Not me. Not anyone else. But you. And if you’re so fucking broken you can’t see that, then maybe you really don’t need me.”

The silence that followed was thick, suffocating. Rafe could feel his heart racing, that agonizing coil in his chest, but he couldn’t stop.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said, voice quieter, but just as venomous.

He turned his back on you, walking to the door. The sound of his boots clamped against the wood floor like a countdown.

“Maybe I don’t. Grab your shit and go.”

"Don’t you fucking—" you snarled, but he was already moving, grabbing your jacket off the hook by the door and throwing it your way, “You know what? Fine. Maybe I will.” You shoved that stupid thing on, hands shaking as you yanked the zipper up. “Don’t come running back in two days like you always do. Don’t come crawling back.”

Rafe paused, hand on the doorknob, his jaw clenched so hard you could see the muscle ticking.

He didn’t turn around, didn’t look back at you.

“I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”

“Good. Because I stopped feeling sorry for you a long time ago,” you replied sharply, every syllable punctuated with weeks of resentment. “What I feel now? That’s just disappointment.”

You watched his shoulders lock up; his whole body wound so tight it was like he was one wrong look away from completely losing it. He didn’t turn around either, even as you slipped out the door, but he knew.

That was it.

Two moths later, almost three, he was standing in front of the ER pacing like a complete fucking idiot after you passed out in his arms earlier.

He’d told himself he’d stay away, make it easy for both of you. 

That shitty plan had gone down the drain once he saw you speed away at that party with absolutely no regard for your safety or Topper’s. He’d seen that wild look in your eyes before—the one that said you were about to burn it all down. Or when your dad’s gala came around, and he couldn’t sleep properly knowing he wasn’t going to be there that year, knowing how you spiraled every time you had to step on that stage.

He had stupidly thought that maybe, one day, you two could still be friends. But today? That shit blew up in his face, for the second time in the span of a week.

He forgot what you could invoke in him when you were standing merely an inch away. He promised himself that he’d moved on, forced to consider that the love of his life might not be someone he could spend his lifetime with. Maybe you weren’t meant for each other.

But how the fuck was he supposed to act when the girl who had been everything to him was hurting? 

No, no, no.

Sofia was what he needed.

Someone who didn’t know shit about his past, who didn’t ask questions he didn’t want to answer. She hadn’t seen him the way you had, hadn’t been there through every drunken rant and punch he’d thrown at the wall or someone’s face, hadn’t heard him rail against his dad or drag himself back from one of his darkest nights. 

She hadn’t called him a fucking idiot when he chose to throw his father’s ashes on the ocean. She wasn’t going to call him a coward for it. She didn’t have a clue about any of it, and that was supposed to be what he wanted.

He looked up at the ER doors for the millionth time in the past hour, his fingers clenched around his jeep keys so tight they left marks on his hand.

It was over between you two. He’d make sure to keep the fucking distance, two whole months. If he didn’t give you enough closure, you’d hate him faster and you’d both get over it. 

So why the fuck was he about to set the whole hospital on fire as he watched John B’s beat up twinkie pull up to the parking area? It shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did. 

Of course you’d call her, his own sister—his father's favorite.

Sarah had always been the golden child, Ward’s little angel who could do no wrong, while he was the family screw-up. Even now, you’d picked her, just like Ward would have. 

He didn’t think before he moved, closing the distance between him them in seconds. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He barked right up in her face, daring her to explain herself.

Sarah didn’t back down, though. She just looked up at him with that same cool, level expression she always had whenever he tried to get a rise out of her. 

“I’m here because she called me.”

“She called you?” He scoffed, eyebrows pulling together in disbelief. “You? She called you?” He took a step closer, “So what, you’re her savior now or some shit? Why the hell would she call you if I’m right here?” His eyes narrowed, searching her face like he couldn’t believe it. “Are you kidding me?”

Sarah threw her hands up, a look of pure exasperation on her face.

“Are you dense, Rafe? You’re with someone else! Why would she want the guy who broke her heart to drive her home?”

He blinked, thrown off. “I broke her heart? She broke mine!” He laughed, but it was harsh, bitter. “I did us a favor. We were just—”

“Oh, right. A favor?” Sarah cut in, voice dripping with sarcasm. “That why you’re pacing out here like a goddamn lunatic?”

“Go away. I’m driving her home.”

She stepped closer, her voice steely as she looked him dead in the eye.

“No. She called me, she wants me here. Not you. So do yourself a real favor and go home before you do something even more stupid.”

A breathless chuckle escaped his lips, “She already hates me, Sarah. What’s the fucking harm, huh?” He threw his arms out, as if daring her to come up with an answer that would hurt less. “What’s one more screw-up on top of everything else?”

“You’re real dumb if you believe that. But if you wanna make it worse, then by all means, go ahead. You’ll just prove her right.”

He stayed rooted in place, chest heaving, the conflict ripping him to pieces. His hands shook, his throat tight with words he couldn’t even begin to understand.

But Sarah had already turned her back on him, heading toward the entrance.

“Walk away,” she warned him, looking over her shoulder, “That’s the only thing left for you to do right now.”

Rafe didn’t know why the fuck he listened to her.

It was as if his body had already made that decision for him, understanding that if he didn’t leave right then, he’d end up doing something stupid—something even more fucked up than what he’d already done. His tongue was locked in place, a curse on the tip of his pursed lips, but it never came. 

His feet wouldn’t move, his hands stayed at his sides, and that tightness in his throat wouldn’t let him get a single word out, not one that would make any fucking sense. He hated that. Hated that you still had this kind of control over him.

Hated that he just…felt like something was wrong.

You hadn’t been this frantic, so impulsive since he had to take you home after your sister passed. He didn’t want to remember that night—you damn near threw yourself out of his truck.

But he couldn’t ignore the memory, the desperation on your face, the screams, the fight in his grip as he pulled you by your shirt back inside.

He’d felt like he was holding on to something breaking apart in his hands, something he couldn’t fix but couldn’t let go of either. He’d seen it again in your eyes when he’d caught you earlier at the beach clean-up, the way you’d tried to dodge his stare, voice cracking, legs wobbling when he mentioned the hospital. 

Rafe still felt like he’d swallowed shattered pieces of glass every time he thought about you. And if he could just push it down, if he could just get through one fucking day without looking back, maybe he’d start to forget you.

His feet were glued to the hospital pavement, his heartbeat thundering in his ears. If you were about to crash, if this was anything like before…He didn’t know what the fuck he was going to do.

He had no reason to stay, you’d made it clear as day. He was supposed to be gone—out of your life for good. You’d told him you didn’t need him, he told you he didn’t need you. So why the hell was he still standing here? 

Perhaps because he remembered the last time he’d let you walk out, the way he’d watched you disappear, thinking he was doing the right thing—giving you the clean end you’d both needed.

Maybe that made him sick to his stomach now, thinking of you in there with Sarah, telling his sister things you wouldn’t say to him, letting her be the person he once was to you.

But you’d called her, not him. You’d picked Sarah to be here, and that hurt like a bitch, but it was what he’d asked for, wasn’t it?

This was what he deserved. He told you to grab your shit and go, forced you to leave because that was supposed to make it easier.

He’d impulsively made his choice the minute he’d wrapped his arm around Sofia, pulling her close in front of everyone who’d once known he was yours. He’d talked himself into it. It was the right call, moving on was the only way to finally get you out of his system. 

He was the one who decided it’d be easier to act like he forgot you than to actually try. He thought he could make it easy—pain-free.

Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose as he walked back toward his Jeep. He gripped the door handle so hard he could break it in half if he wanted to, feeling his knuckles strain.

If he let go, if he closed that door and stormed inside, he’d just be right back where he started.

He stared at his reflection in the window, his hardened face staring back. His pulse was pounding in his temples, his gut twisting and turning as he tried to bury it all six feet under—the need to just go to you, to hold your hand or yell at you for making him care so fucking much.

He finally released the death grip he had on the door handle, forcing his fingers to relax, his knuckles still throbbing. He slid into the driver’s seat, the cold leather you’d help him choose, mocking at his skin as he slammed the door shut.

With a quick flick of his wrist, he threw the car into drive, the tires screeching as he peeled out of the parking lot.

He drove like he was being hunted down. He wanted to get as far away from that place as possible, praying the miles between him and you would stop the churning inside him. 

You’ll just prove her right.

He hated her for saying it, hated Sarah for knowing exactly what buttons to push. 

As he rounded a curve, his headlights swept across Topper’s house. Rafe cut the engine and stalked toward the backyard. Topper’s sprawled-out form on a reclining chair, arms crossed over his chest, sunglasses somehow still on evenly.

He stomped up and smacked the end of his chair.

"Wake the fuck up."

He jolted, nearly tumbling off the chair, ripping his sunglasses off and squinting up at him. “Jesus fucking christ, dude, ever heard of calling ahead?”

But Rafe didn’t answer. He just paced, hands in his growing hair, digging into his scalp like he could rip the frustration out of his skull. Topper sighed, propping himself up on one elbow, he didn’t even look at him, just kept muttering to himself, biting his lip, pacing.

“What the hell happened?”

Finally, he stopped, “I need you to find out what’s wrong with your cousin,” he muttered, not wanting to admit he cared enough to ask.

Topper blinked, brow furrowing. “What do you mean, what’s wrong with her?”

Rafe only shook his head, hands on his hips as he stared at the ground. “I don’t know, okay? She just…she’s acting off. And I can’t—I’m not supposed to care, Top. I’m not. I’m with Sofia now, alright? But she’s still…” His voice trailed off, as he scrubbed a hand down it.

Topper tilted his head, eyeing him knowingly.

“Right, yeah, whatever you say. I’ll figure it out.”

If Sarah Cameron didn’t walk through that hospital door within the next three minutes, you’d lose all the courage you’d summoned over the last hours. Or was it just an hour? You weren’t sure how long you’d been lying there, the IV needle taped uncomfortably into your arm. 

Your fingers curled into the thin blanket draped over you, and you wished—desperately—that you didn’t feel so…empty.

Ten minutes later, she strode in with a glance at the door, as if she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get there on time. The relief on her face when she saw you was reassuring but it only made the confusion in your chest heavier.

She was so different from Rafe, yet still looked so much like him. She sat in the chair by the bed, eyes scanning your face like she was trying to gauge just how bad it was.

“Hi.”

You swallowed, blinking up at the ceiling to keep the tears at bay.

“Thanks for coming.” 

“Of course,” She reached for your hand where it lay on top of the blanket, hesitating for a split second before giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You okay?” 

You felt a laugh bubble up, “Not even a little.”

She let out a small breath and nodded, squeezing your hand again. “I figured,” she said quietly, and you appreciated that she didn’t pretend to have some miracle answer, “I made him leave.”

She’d made him leave.

You could imagine his face distorted with anger.

You wondered if he’d put up a fight or if he’d just walked away,  giving in to his sister in that infuriating, self-pitying silence he’d perfected.

You weren’t going to ask, the less you knew, the better.

“Good.” You were relieved, but it felt bittersweet, “I didn’t want him here.” 

Except your voice shook, like it simply had to let her know you were lying.

You’d been telling yourself for so long that you didn’t need him—that you didn’t want him anywhere near you. But the second you pictured him there, waiting… God, you hated yourself.

Hated that tiny, pathetic part of you that still wanted him to care, even if it was just a sliver of anything that wasn’t anger or flat-out ignoring you.

“He threw a hissy fight, but don’t worry. He’s not coming back.”

You nodded, half in agreement, half in frustration, “He never listens.”

“Especially when it matters,” Sarah added, rolling her eyes. “I swear, sometimes I think he just likes to make things worse for himself. And everyone else.”

You recalled the sound of his footsteps trailing yours earlier, the way his hand had hovered near you when you swayed, the wild look on his face when you told him to back off. He had seemed…hurt. Like he wanted to fix something he’d already smashed to pieces.

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

She respected that—she wouldn’t insist. There was a lot to unpack when it came to Rafe, but you didn’t need to go there right now. She could tell.

"Okay. Do you want to tell me why you called me and not Topper?”

There wasn’t any judgment in her tone—just plain curiosity, confusion. And you couldn’t blame her. If the roles were reversed, you’d be asking the same thing.

You had to bite your lips to avoid crying for the hundredth time that day. You hadn’t planned on telling someone the biggest secret of your life in a public space, or after nearly having a mental breakdown.

Not like this, with the IV in your arm.

"I—" you started, the words tangled in your throat. "I don't trust him," you admitted quietly, "I don’t trust him with this.”

This.

You turned your head to look out the window, the late afternoon light pouring through the blinds, but it never touched the void you felt inside. 

“He’s too close. He wouldn’t get it. I needed someone who could just… not be involved, you know? I mean—You’re still his sister but—”

Sarah’s already frowning, interrupting your pitying party, “Sweet girl, you don’t have to explain your reasons to me. I’m listening either way. I don’t know what’s going on, but I get it, I understand why you’d want to keep him out of this.”

“You’re the only one I can trust to keep this a secret,” you confessed, “If anyone finds out—if Rafe finds out—it’s over. I’m not ready for that.”

A shadow crossed Sarah’s face, her lips pressing into a thin line. She didn’t ask questions about what you meant—about how Rafe had ruined things before. She didn’t need to. 

“I won’t tell him,” Sarah promised, her grip tightening on your skin. “It’s safe with me. I’ve got your back.”

You closed your eyes, breathing out slowly.

This was hard, harder than anything you’d ever done before, and that was saying something considering all the shit you went through when your family died. She had no idea what you were about to say, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it would change everything between you—between you and her, and you and everyone else.

"Sara, I—" The truth choked you once more, cutting you off. You couldn’t breathe.

Your chest felt vacant, something was missing, something that you didn’t know how to fix, but you had to say it. It was the only way out.

“Are you—" she started to ask, but you quickly shook your head. You could hear the hesitation in her voice.

"Just… just let me tell you,” You begged, pushing the words out before you lost them. “I-I’m pregnant,” you finally blurted out, as if confessing it all at once could make it easier.

But it didn’t. 

You didn’t dare look at Sarah right away. 

Your eyes were stuck on the ceiling, blinking rapidly, you didn’t need her to see how much this was breaking you or how terrified you were. You could feel her eyes on you now, and your hand clenched around the blanket, your knuckles white from the lack of circulation. 

Then, slowly, Sarah squeezed your hand again, she was giving you a moment to breathe, even though you didn’t feel like you deserved it.

“Rafe’s?” she asked quietly, confirming what you already knew she understood.

You nodded, not needing to say it aloud; she could sense the truth in the way your chest hitched, how you couldn’t bring yourself to meet her eyes.

“God,” Sarah breathed out, "And you... you want to...?"

You nodded again. She wasn’t asking if you were sure; you could hear it in the hesitation of her question. She was asking if you were ready to make the choice.

“I don’t want this,” you choked out, the tears finally breaking free. “I can’t have it, Sarah. I can’t. I’m not ready for that. I’m not sure I even know what I want anymore," you spit the doubt out with the brokenness you felt, wiping the traitorous tear that traced down your cheek. "I don’t know what to do."

“I’m here. Whatever you need, however you need to do this—I’m here,” she promised, making sure you wouldn’t float away.

“I can’t… I just… I don’t want him to find out,” you managed between shallow breaths. “If he knew, he’d… I don’t know what he’d do. Maybe it’s stupid, but I don’t want him to look at me like… like he owns me something.”

Sarah nodded, not a hint of judgment on her face, “He won’t know a thing from me, I swear. He’ll never have any say in this, not unless you want him to. This is your choice, no one else’s.”

You didn’t know you’d been holding your breath, but it came out all at once in a shaky exhale.

“Thank you. I just… I didn’t know who else I could ask.”

“Hey,” she said, her voice gentle. “This? This is exactly what I’m here for. I’ve got you, no matter what.”

The empathy there, the way she held space for all your broken pieces.

“New Mexico’s clinic rules… they won’t let me go through with it alone. They said I need someone with me.” You took a shaky breath. “I can’t imagine anyone else but you there, Sarah.”

“Then I’ll be there,” she said, without hesitation. “I’ll get the tickets, we’ll go together. And if you feel like breaking down, then break down, because you don’t have to keep any of this in anymore.”

Her words broke something in you that had been holding everything so tightly. The relief, the gratitude— “You’re really… You’d really do this for me?”

“Of course,” she murmured, pulling you close so your head rested against her shoulder, her fingers brushing through your hair soothingly. “Sweet girl, I’d do this a thousand times over.”

“I mean—he’s your brother. I don’t want to mess things up between you two even more.”

She sighed, giving a small, sad smile, almost like she’d been waiting for you to say that. “You think he’s my priority right now? Don’t you worry about me and him, we always figure it out. Trust me, I’m used to it.”

“He might hate me for this. And if he takes that out on you…” You couldn’t finish.

“Listen to me,” she sighed, “I’m here because I care about you. Rafe and I, we’ll always have our issues—he’s stubborn, and he thinks he has all the answers. But that’s our problem. He’ll never have a say over what I do or who I’m there for. Especially not with this.”

You swallowed hard, “I don’t want you to regret it.”

She gave a wry laugh, brushing a piece of hair back from your face. “You don’t have to protect me from him, remember? He’s my brother, yeah, I love him despite all our shit, but I’m not here for him right now. I’m here for you.”

“You’re sure?” you asked, the question a whisper, almost childlike. You were afraid of the answer, terrified she’d eventually pull away.

“Of course I’m sure,” she replied, tilting your chin so you’d meet her eyes. “Whatever’s going on with Rafe will figure itself out—But right now, you need someone who’s all in, no strings, no doubts. That’s me. You focus on you. I’ll handle him.”

You looked down at your hands, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket, “I don’t think he loves me anymore,” you admitted, almost hoping she wouldn’t hear it, “I was so mean when your dad died.”

When you finally looked up, Sarah was watching you with a sad smile, one that made your heart hurt in both comfort and ache. “You really believe that?” she asked quietly, and you could hear the disbelief in her voice as if it was so obvious to her, something you couldn’t see.

You nodded, swallowing down the sting in your throat. “He doesn’t want me, not really. He’s…he pulled away. Like he’d rather hate me than be close to me. He’s with her.” 

The words tasted bitter, and made you want to hurt him twice as bad, but there was finally some relief in saying it out loud.

She sighed, looking down for a second, almost like she was thinking how to tell you something that hurt her to admit.

“I don’t think that’s the problem,” she murmured, with a knowing sadness. “I think the problem is that you two will never stop loving each other. He’s still hurting from dad’s passing, he’s angry because he doesn’t know how to stop loving you. And you—you’re here, angry that he loved my dad so much, hurt that he left, trying to protect me from him, still worrying about me when you should be focusing on yourself. You’re scared he doesn’t care anymore, and he’s scared you don’t need him at all."

Your lips quivered, your heart about to leap out of your throat, your tongue darted out, briefly brushing your lips.

You weren’t sure you should say it out loud, but maybe you had to. “We’re better off without each other, aren’t we?”

“You’re allowed to be someone without him, and you’re allowed to find out who that is.”

You were slipping, falling back into that spiral of guilt and shame, the one that told you maybe this was all you were good for. Maybe Rafe was right to break things off, perhaps he’d realized that, in the end, you weren’t worth fighting for.

And shit, you hated yourself for still caring. For still wanting him to want you, even though you knew it was poison. Even though you knew that being with him, needing him, was only dragging you both down.

“Thank you.”

And as you sat there, in the stillness of that room, with the sunlight dimming outside, you felt that maybe someday you’d be able to trust yourself too. To believe that you were worth more than the heartache you’d come to accept as your own.

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige

@rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron

@serrendiipty @sunny1616 @yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog

@psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

[fruitcoops]

Tiktok Trend: Black Sheep

This is entirely based off this tiktok, which has been bouncing around in my head for about a week and always makes me laugh. Andromeda's been mentioned a couple times in some older fics, but I thought it might be fun to finally introduce her! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, as always <3

TW for mentioned racist/ sexist/ homophobic family members and disownment (in a joking way)

“Sirius!” Andromeda called over her shoulder as she scrolled through the literal thousands of comments for her favorites, popping her gum at her cousin when he poked his head around the corner.

Sirius pulled a face right back at her. “What?”

“You’re stealing my spotlight again.”

“You don’t like the spotlight.”

Andromeda raised her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, which of us was the first to be deemed a family disappointment based on their choice in partner?”

Sirius rolled his eyes with a huff and padded over to the couch, leaning his elbows behind her head to see the phone screen. “What did I do this time?”

They had filmed the video as a bit of a joke, not intending for anyone to see it—Andromeda only had twenty followers on TikTok at the time, and she was pretty sure half of them were bots. When your racist/ sexist/ homophobic family members start getting a little too comfortable at Thanksgiving dinner, read curly script across the top of the screen as Eminem’s Without Me played in the background.

Andromeda stepped into frame a moment later, walking past the camera in slow motion with a smirk and a casual flip of her hair. The black dress was one of her favorites, knee-length with a slightly low-cut bodice; her mother used to say it looked ‘slutty’ and ‘debasing’, which obviously meant she wore it on every possible occasion. The cousin that married ‘below her class’ was written in the same cursive lettering at her side.

Sirius followed in her footsteps, a devious smile on his face as he adjusted his rainbow tie and slid his wedding ring on. The gay cousin signed to the family’s rival team who they can’t get rid of because the disownment papers are still processing sat happily in a text box by his head as he passed the camera as well.

And then came Regulus, wearing a cocky grin that Andromeda had only seen blossom over the past year. He shook out his suit cuffs and straightened the purple-gray flag pin on his lapel, then stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled past as the cousin that dropped out of the NHL to go to college and made sure the bloodline ended with him stood stark white against the bushes in front of Sirius’ house.

None of them had actually gone to the annual holiday dinner hosted at Sirius’ parents house, of course, but it was the thought that counted. They had made the video for a laugh before heading off to Dumo’s; when Andromeda returned to her phone eight hours later, the video had 200,000 views and just over 40,000 likes.

She craned her neck back to look at Sirius as he laughed at the replay. “Read these fucking comments, you fame thief.”

Lionsfan89: HELLO??? IS THAT SIRIUS BLACK???

mandomallow: First of all ma’am please stomp on me second of all are you aware you have TWO famous hockey players in your driveway

LupinLover3: THAT’S SIRIUS FUCKING BLACK WTFFFF WHO ARE YOU LADY

tromblerone: Are we just ignoring the fact that Sirius and Regulus Black are making tiktoks with random ppl now :sobbing emoji:

nhl4days: Oh my god Regulus looks so happy stop I’m gonna cry

merqueen15: I litcherally have no words imagine being related to THEE Sirius Black couldn’t be me

21macattack: There are too many hot people in this video pls have mercy

bibibiboba: If being sexy is a gene this family has all of it and honestly I can’t even complain

lemonsqueezy8437: LMAOO CAN YOU IMAGINE ROLLING UP TO FAMILY THANKSGIVING AND SIRIUS AND REGULUS BLACK ARE SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH YOU

lillyofthevallley: How many people did that family kick out oh my god???? Also drop the skincare routine queen you’re GLOWING

Dozens more comments focused specifically on Andromeda—the vain little part of her heart appreciated the ones that asked for her curl routine—but she couldn’t quite get over the fact that all it took to bump her follower count to over twenty thousand people (and counting) was her geeky baby cousins.

“Hey.” She poked Sirius’ arm as he reached over her head to scroll through the comments, giggling to himself. “Hey. I’m the hot one, remember?”

“Tell that to your followers, Andy. Reg! Get in here!”

“What?” a distant voice called.

“Andy’s TikTok famous!”

There was barely half a second pause before footsteps came pounding up the stairs with all the grace one would expect from a 20-year-old college student. “How the hell did you get TikTok famous?” he asked, perching on the back of the couch like some rumpled bird.

She cocked a brow. “Remember that video from Thanksgiving?”

“Ouais.”

“You and your stupid brother are stealing my fans.”

Sirius flicked her forehead lightly and she batted him away. “Hey, we gave you those fans.”

“I’m going to post all of your embarrassing baby pictures in my next video,” she threatened around a smile with a playful kick to his pajama-clad thigh as he skirted around her to go back to the kitchen. “All of them! Oldest cousin privilege!”

First, though, she had a curl-care process to film.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

Louis is soooo hot wtffff I rmr that anon you got ab how many people think he's too ugly for h...wheree?? Look at him!

bestie i knoOOOOOWWWWWW just in the we made it trilogy alone he's so stunNING 

like lemme just quickly go all the fucking way to help us all drool over that man’s chiseled face like wtf can people please get on BOARD

are you seeing that lil smile there?? are you seeing that?? right before he opens his mouth to sing “doing better”??

ok photo dump just because now i’m properly getting carried away (gave credit where i remembered which post they come from but yeah i just have these..... saved)

(thanks to this post my beloved)

(x)

(x)

can you see the literal sparkle in his eyes??? (x)

(x)

(x)

you’re kidding right

(x)

i can go on tbh. oh here’s one of my faves yes that one’s on my wall:

(also god tier outfit that one come on)

don’t mention the peaky blinders haircut to me unless you want to scrape me off the floor

(x)

(x)

(x)

(x)

alright i’m not done but that’ll do i guess

[freakygirlie]

Would you mind telling us your favourite tinhat moment or your favourite tinhat theory, or both? Talking about J2 is my happy place <3

Talking about j2 is my happy place too anon! and ofcourse but lord there are so! many! I'll go with both moments and theories jsjhfjf and i'll mention a couple of faves: Favorite j2 tinhat moments: this hug at jib con will always always be a fave! Jensen wearing the AKF merch, and the way he just brings Jared towards him into a hug, GOD HIS EXPRESSION THE PROTECTIVENESS ON HIS FACE, the way Jared leans into it MY HEART. Also this con was very noteworthy in tinhat history because of how Jackles shaded G and Jared's marriage so kjdjfdjfjmccncm mmhm yeah.

THE RECENT SHIRTLESS BEARD UPDATE PANEL MOMENT!!! LIKE HELLO FIRST OFF U SEND BEARD UPDATES TO EACH OTHER WTFFFF SO CUTE!!! If my man don’t do the same i don’t want him <3 AND JENSEN IS SHIRTLESS, HE IS EFFING SHIRTLESS IN IT I CANNOT.

Them getting matching tattoos and brandishing them everywhere so proudly!!! Especially in Walker we can see that Jared has no reserves of hiding it. He shows it so much it makes my heart go BOOM.

Them having this little moment, God the feels here. I literally just talked about it in my previous ask but other than the finger touch, they’re looking so fondly at each other!!! Jared playing the guitar, Jensen singing HELPPP THE FEELS.

the heart eyes will always always always be a favorite of mine <3

and we really cannot forget this beautiful moment, this clip at a con of a very affectionate and cute hand touch between the j’s, this is not only the most prettiest, softest thing ever but BUT is also the iconic thing that! dun dun TURNED ME TINHAT!!!! That’s right! this little innocent thing was the one that convinced me and I’ve been here ever since!!!<3

(for some damned reason tumblr won’t let me attach the gif but here’s a sc tweet i recently made of it on twitter)

ANOTHER REALLY CUTE MOMENT:

ALL THESE MOMENTS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME AND I HAVE QUITE A FEW OTHERS. Another very very notable mentions is ALL THE TIMES JARED BROUGHT UP JENSEN IN HIS INTERVIEWS HE DID FOR WALKER LIKE???? BOY COULD NOT STOP. HELLO??? HE IS SMITTEN BEYOND COMPREHENSION.

now for theories! ok so there are A BUNCH OF THEM but i think one of my fav’s is the one regarding the relationship timeline: they fell in love in s1, sort of ish got together ish in s2 and really solidified their relationship in s3 when Jared’s breakdown happened. They went through a lot together and came out so united and with each other in the end my sweet heart GOD.

The mortgage theory IS CLASSIC AND SO INTERESTING AND SUS LIKE HOW MANY TIMES DID THEY CHANGE THIS NARRATIVE JBHDJJKDSLA

And this might not count as a theory thing but my favorite thing that I’ve heard/deduced/seen is how j2 helped each other evolve as people. Jensen was so shy in the beginning and Jared helped him come out of his shell and be more open and extroverted. Jensen helped Jared through his hard times, his mental health troubles and still continues to do so, he helped him accept/fight it and be open as well and it is just the sweetest most frigging adorable beautiful thing ever. I love these two so much <3

Another favorite theory(this is true idc idc)- All Our Own was written for Jared.

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK ANON I HAD SO MUCH FUN ANSWERING IT<3

[electracraft]

no i feel u like for some reason there was an anti karl wave in the fandom (i even took part in it im embarrassed to admit like looking back i don’t even know what it was that made me annoyed) and it makes me come to the conclusion that wow ccs really do just get hate they don’t deserve all the time without rhyme or reason

a little ramble about this under the cut because you bring up an interesting point and i have nothing better to do

i know exactly what you mean by the anti karl wave in the fandom. i don't think that it's an embarrassing thing to have partaken in, because i think that it started from genuinely fair critics. which i totally understand. like i'm not going to debate someone that says "i don't like karl because his job for mrbeast had him travel a lot during a pandemic and it was not safe", it's perfectly reasonable.

but i also think that this led to a general feeling that you can just be rude about karl and invent problems where he has no fault, or where anything he does gets blown out of proportion and gets assigned a malicious intent for no reason. there's so many examples of this that i don't know where to start.

there's critics that i don't get why it's treated as seriously, like i've seen paragraphs about how karl is a clout chaser /neg and i'm here like. so what? let him do his celeb streams and dont watch if you dont like it? but that's not even important tbh i just find it a little odd. there's critics about how he treats his friends which is so fucking weird as a concept. you don't know them off stream, you don't know their boundaries, not like they do at least. you're really not defending anyone (and his friends would literally laugh at you if they saw you trying to protect them from their own best friend) (you as in generic not you anon lol)

and i think that karl is one of the only content creators for which certain behaviours are seen as justified. would you ever see someone say "wtffff i wanted to watch red but george is ruining everything why did he have to be on mcc :/ it would have been such a good team without him ://" likeee what. if you don't like someone watch another pov without being a dick about it. this is something that i expect to see on twitter, not here. karl is as deserving of respect as any other participant. you know that anyone saying the same things about another cc would get flamed

all this btw is something that has been going on for months, it's not just the four neg posts that i saw yesterday. so tldr: while of course there's fair criticism of karl and people can dislike him even without a good reason, it's sad to see how all the fandom decency etiquette gets thrown away when it comes to karl and people start to criticize him for the image they have of him rather than his actions. it creates unnecessary hostility in the fandom in my opinion

[jalapeno-princess]

Catching Feelings

(Look at him doing the bare minimum and still making me fling my panties across the room Damn you Im Jaebeom)

Jaebeom X Reader

Word Count: 20K (Guys this is the longest fic I have ever posted on here wtffff)(I just couldn’t stop writing omg)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut (Sugar, spice and everything nice)

Summary: You’ve been in love with your best friend Jaebeom for longer than you can count on both your hands. Unfortunately, time never seemed to be on your side. Every time he was single, you were in a relationship and when he started seeing someone, you were by yourself. One day, he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend in order to make his ex-girlfriend jealous but little do either of you know that the few days of fake dating will actually lead to something you would have never expected in your many years of knowing him for.

A/N: Hey guys! This was requested by the amazing @solarblooms​ one of the sweetest people I’ve met on here thank you so much for this request I’m sorry if it didn’t turn out the way you would have liked but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Happy reading!!

“Jaebeom, you can’t be serious. I don’t think you know what you’re asking me right now.”

“You’re acting as if I’m asking you to run a marathon y/n.” 

You let out a scoff before getting up and reaching for both coffee cups that you and Jaebeom drank from in the last hour. When he asked you for a favor, you didn’t think much of it. The older boy always asked you to do errands for him every now and then and as the caring and loyal person you were, you would do whatever he’d ask of you with no hesitation. 

Honestly, Jaebeom was the only person you would go out of your way to help; not only because he was your best friend, but because you knew he would do the same thing for you in a heartbeat. That was just how your friendship worked. The two of you have been friends for more years than you could count on both hands. This meant that you’ve seen each other through it all; drunken stupors, food poisoning, flu season, walking in on each other naked and failed relationships. The latter was the reason why you were both upset yet flustered at his sudden request. 

“I would rather complete the damn 24 mile run. Let me get this straight, you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend in order to make Ella jealous? You’ve said a lot of stupid shit in all my years of knowing you but this has to be the most insane thing I’ve ever heard. Why me? Why not just get another girlfriend—she’ll know somethings up right off the bat. Do you really think she’s stupid enough to believe that you and I would actually start dating? You’re better off telling her that you’re in a relationship with a celebrity; that would be more probable.” 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to help him out—especially because you weren’t the biggest fan of his ex-girlfriend. Jaebeom in more or less words had to be one of the most devastatingly handsome men you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. He also had one of the biggest and most genuine hearts—even if he’d come off as cold and intimidating. People say nobody’s perfect; and it was true that he did have his faults, but he also came pretty close to being practically flawless in your eyes. 

The reason why you were so hesitant towards helping him with this specific favor, was because you had feelings for him—and that was an understatement. You don’t remember exactly when you first began looking at Jaebeom in a different light, but when you started to crave his presence more and more, mentally outline his sharp features, found yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss those pretty, plump lips of his; that’s when you knew that you no longer saw him as an older brother. 

You and Jaebeom met in second grade when he transferred over to your school after his family moved to your small town in order to open up their first coffee shop. He was very shy and extremely introverted. For the first two weeks since his arrival, he never really talked to any of the other students unless his teacher asked him to do so. 

At recess and at lunch, he normally sat by himself and the sight always made you feel sad. You didn’t have all that many friends, but you had enough to converse with and to keep you company. One day, you found yourself walking over to where he was sitting and placed your tray right down in front of him. You’ll never forget the way he looked up at you with the most adorable gaze of confusion. 

“Hi. I’m y/n. Is it okay if I sit here? You look pretty lonely.”

“Oh—um—go ahead.” 

The rest of your lunch time together was very quiet—he obviously didn’t seem like the type to want to start a conversation, especially with someone he wasn’t familiar with. You also didn’t know what to say to him; you didn’t want to make things even more awkward by saying something he didn’t particularly like. However, you felt at ease—the atmosphere was calming and for some reason, you felt it had to do with his presence. 

Something about Jaebeom made you feel pleasant; safe. When the bell rang to signal that lunch was over, you were right about to stand up in attempts to throw away your lunch until you heard the faintest call of your name. You turned around to look at the mysterious boy and hummed in curiosity. 

“This was nice—I um—I’m not the most talkative person. I’m more of a listener. If it’s okay with you, would you maybe want to—be friends?” 

You gave him a toothy grin before nodding profusely; excited with the idea of getting to know him and being the first person he wanted to start a friendship with. 

“I’d like that.” 

From that day on, the two of you were attached to the hip; your mothers would refer to the both of you as magnets. Everywhere you went, anyone could expect the older boy to be right there with you. He was more than just your best friend—he was your safety blanket, your confidant—in a metaphorical sense, he was like your umbrella on a rainy day. 

His arms were your shelter, you would find solace in him whenever you were having a rough day. You felt in your heart that the two of you were soulmates; even if your relationship was strictly platonic. It wasn’t until he got his first girlfriend back in your freshman year of high school did you realize that you saw him as more than just a friend. 

Watching him act so sweetly towards his girlfriend made you extremely jealous and you lied to yourself for years thinking it was because you were afraid to lose him as a friend if his girlfriends decided that they didn’t like your position in his life. You also tried to tell yourself it was because you had yet to experience being in a relationship and you just wanted to feel the love and adoration Jaebeom never failed to show to his first girlfriend. 

Even after all these years, through the few boyfriends and one night stands that you’ve had, your feelings for Jaebeom never faltered. If anything, they only grew stronger when you realized that nobody could ever make you as happy or make you feel as cared for as Jaebeom has for almost two decades now. Nobody could ever take his place—no matter how hard you tried to get over him. Your best friend had a reputation of being a textbook fuckboy. 

His first relationship was the last relationship he put his heart and soul in to. Every relationship after that was doomed before it could really even start. He had a bad tendency of leading a lot of girls on; completing them and making empty promises before taking what he wanted—fulfilling his carnal urges and leaving them in the dust. This went on throughout the entirety of high school. As his best friend and the only girl he seemingly put on a pedestal, you had a hard time understanding why he continued to fool around with half of the student body and treat a lot of these girls like they were nothing important. 

What did he get from cheating on and breaking the hearts of all these poor innocent girls? Especially since he was so kind and soft towards you. He’s never said it to you out loud, but you were his biggest weakness. He would go through hell and back just to keep that beautiful smile he adored so much permanently on your face. There were times where you questioned the thought of him reciprocating your same feelings. Whenever a guy showed interest in you or even when you started seeing someone, he was very verbal about how he didn’t approve of anyone you were involved with; whether the relationship was romantic or not. 

Even when you were paired up with other guys in projects, he wasn’t too fond of the idea of you being alone with your classmate—so he’d find himself tagging along with you and your partner whenever you’d meet up with them. You were sure it was just his way of being protective of you; he’s always been like that and you were well aware that he had no intention on stopping his overbearing ways at all for that matter. You were afraid that pretending to be his girlfriend would only make you desire actually experiencing the real thing. 

There was no way you’d allow yourself to go through that kind of trauma; holding hands with him, going on dates with him—maybe even getting to kiss him. To what extent was he expecting the two of you to go through? How far did he expect you both to go? He must have thought about the kind of pda you would have to do together and you couldn’t help but grow curious at how he felt about being intimate with you, even if it was all just an act. 

You released a frustrated sigh; if you said no, you knew he would continue bothering you until you finally gave in or worse—he would actually go along with finding someone else. Whatever your decision was, you’d lose both ways. Might as well go with the one that was less painful. 

“What’s in it for me?” 

He was quick to stand up and made his way towards you—sporting the biggest grin on his face. You could tell he was surprised at your question, but it didn’t matter. His smile did tug on your heartstrings and you began to feel something in the pit of your stomach that you’ve never felt before. It was hard to tell exactly what you were feeling, but it was a good feeling. He surprised you by picking you up in a hug and swinging you around absentmindedly. 

“Anything—I’ll do anything you want me to. God, y/n, you are amazing. You don’t understand how much this means to me. You’re the best person to exist. Thank you so much!” 

He explained to you that one of his good friends from high school; one you weren’t all too familiar with was getting married. Unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend was also going to be in attendance. She was the first girl in four years that your best friend genuinely seemed to care about. He stopped hooking up with and talking to other girls once they started dating. You were jealous whenever you’d hear him go in to depth about the love he had for her; even more envious when you’d have to see them kiss in front of you. 

Sure, you did not particularly care for any of Jaebeom’s partners because you wanted to be in their place. You craved—desired to be the girl who got to love him—who got to receive his love and appreciate the many sacrifices he would make in order to make his significant happy. As his best friend, he never failed to give you all of his attention. If you ever needed help, he didn’t even have time for a second thought, if you needed him, he was there. 

Even if it meant ditching school or leaving work early. You had a feeling that no one in their right minds; no matter how close they were to someone or how much that person meant to them, would do the things for them the way Jaebeom never once hesitated to do for you. However, your distaste for Ella went beyond jealousy. There was no doubt Jaebeom cared for her in ways that he’s never cared about any other girl—well, besides you. He would pick her up and drop her off to and from work, he would call her on his breaks to make sure she was getting enough rest in between classes, he would buy her cute little trinkets and even prepared lunch for her. 

You’ve never seen him put in so much effort for one of his girlfriends before and it honestly worried you; you felt as if there was a chance she might be the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Unbeknownst to both you and the older boy, Jaebeom had actually met his match. Memories of the night that he found out she wasn’t the perfect girl he thought she was came flashing through your mind like it was just yesterday. 

Four months ago, you were out in your living room watching a few murder mystery documentaries—seconds away from falling asleep when you heard a loud pounding on your door. At first, the sound startled you. The only people who came over to your apartment were your parents, your siblings, Jaebeom and a few other friends. You knew your best friend had a graveyard shift tonight; so you crossed him off of your list as to who it could be. However, when you looked through the peephole, you could’ve sworn your heart actually sank to the bottom of your stomach. You wasted no time in opening the door and pulled Jaebeom in to your embrace before either of you could say anything to one another. His eyes were red and puffy; there were dried tears on his cheek quickly being replaced by many more fresh ones. 

From past experiences, you knew not to ask him what was wrong. You were going to wait until he told you, even if you were very curious as to what could have happened. It didn’t even cross your mind that it had to do with his relationship. The two of you flopped on to your couch and he quickly threw himself in to your arms. He might have been the dominant one who always did the protecting, but this time—he was the one who needed to be held and that’s exactly what you did. 

After half an hour of quiet sobs and rubbing his back as he heaved and hiccuped, he finally confessed as to what made him so upset. He didn’t have to really say anything—just hearing the words “Ella cheated on me” sent you in to a furious rage. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t see this coming. There were a couple of scenarios when you felt like something was wrong, or that she was hiding something. When Jaebeom first introduced you to one another, you immediately got bad vibes from her. She was the type of person who talked so highly about herself. You never understood what your best friend saw in her. 

Sure, she was pretty, but it was a basic kind of pretty. Like, if you were to see her on the street, you honestly wouldn’t do a double take. Ella was also very disrespectful; she was constantly on her phone while you tried to talk to her, she never said please or thank you and she was very verbal about her disinterest in certain things. One time, Jaebeom had you tag along with them to a restaurant and she complained about not being served within the first couple of minutes. 

That experience alone made your ill-feelings towards her grow even stronger; but you never wanted to tell Jaebeom in fear of him disagreeing with you. It was adamant that he really liked her. When it were just you and Jaebeom alone, he would find ways to bring her up in the conversation even if the topic had nothing to do with her and on the days that you just so happened to be with them, he would always feel the need to touch her or to compliment her. It was disgusting—but not because you were jealous. 

You had a gut feeling that she wasn’t who she portrayed herself out to be in front of Jaebeom. If he were to excuse himself to use the bathroom, her fake smile would immediately drop as she would glare at you. Then, she would always seem to be texting someone. There wasn’t anything wrong with her being in contact with other people; for all you assumed, it could have been a friend or a family member. 

However, the way she would bite her lip or smile while rapidly typing back and forth with someone made it evident that there was a possibility it was another guy. You let it go though, even if you were dying to tell Jaebeom of your speculations. He told you that he caught her making out with another man outside of her apartment as he went over to surprise her. Jaebeom wasn’t a pushover or the type of person to beat around the bush; he confronted her as soon as he parked the car and screamed at her—telling her that she ruined everything and that he would have done anything for her. 

There was nothing you hated more than to see Jaebeom so emotional and broken; especially because he was the definition of a force to be reckoned with. This was the first time in your many years of friendship that you e seen him so worked up before. That memory of seeing him at his weakest is what got you to give in to him. You didn’t think it was going to work; although you had a feeling Ella didn’t like you from the moment you met her, you didn’t think it was because she was jealous of you. 

It was understandable though; you may have been very understanding, but you didn’t know how it would feel to be in her shoes. If your boyfriend had a female best friend, it was only natural that you would feel weird and assume the worst. But Jaebeom was honest with every girl that he fooled around with; you were his number one girl no matter what. He even ended a couple of flings specifically because the girls would give him an ultimatum to choose between seeing them and being friends with you. Of course, Jaebeom chose you every single time. 

“There will be four events we have to attend. The first two are just luncheons, then there’s the rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding. I’ve already purchased all of my outfits. Since you’re helping me out, you and I can go shopping tomorrow and I’ll buy you anything from anywhere—I mean, don’t go crazy. I just paid off my car. But if you have a couple of dresses you already own that you’d prefer wearing, then that’s pretty cool too. I was thinking we could match so it would be a little more convincing. Oh—and um—we’re going to have to be affectionate. I’m sure you’re already aware of that. If it makes you uncomfortable, then we don’t have to do anything other than hold hands and hug. Not anything we’re not used to anyways.” 

You could only hope your cheeks weren’t flushing with pink from his words. It was expected that you’d have to have some form of skin ship and like he said, the two of you were used to touching one another. Sometimes you’d cuddle up while lying in bed together or he would wrap his arms around your waist and place his chin on your shoulder but it never occurred to you that you would now have to do these things in front of other people.

“I’m fine with that. So, when exactly is the wedding?” He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment; something you’ve noticed he would do whenever he did something wrong or had something to hide. You’ve known each other for so long that you knew the meaning behind each and every one of his mannerisms. 

“Uh—Next week Saturday.” 

Your eyes widened in shock; that didn’t give you much time to prepare anything. Especially not your sensitive heart. 

“Im Jaebeom are you serious?! Why didn’t you say anything earlier—“

“I’m sorry!! But I didn’t think you would actually agree. It took me a solid three weeks to build the courage and ask you. Your outfit is the only thing you have to worry about. I’ve already responded to the rsvp for the both of us—“ 

You scoffed before crossing your arms in disbelief. Im Jaebeom was really a piece of work. How did you put up with him for so many years? 

“So you knew I was going to say yes.” 

He shook his head; but the small smirk that left as soon as it rose on his face made it clear that yes, he had a feeling you were going to agree. Even if he had to beg you for hours on end. 

“I was hoping you would want to do something so big for me because I’m your best friend and you love me.” You took in a deep breath and felt your heartbeat begin to increase. 

If only he knew just how true his statement was. 

For the week leading up to the wedding events, Jaebeom came over to your apartment practically every single day. It wasn’t something you weren’t used to; he visited so often that a lot of his things were scattered throughout your space but you liked it that way. However, he told you that he wanted to practice being intimate with you. If you were cooking the two of you dinner, he’d stand right behind you and pulled your body up against his. 

He began buying you bouquets of your favorite flowers, constantly held your hand even if the two of you were sitting down; he also would pull you on to his lap and stated to hide his face in the crook of your neck. One night, he even placed a few kisses up against your jaw and you found yourself ultimately regretting your decision to assist him. The proximity and constant affection only made your feelings for him deepen if it were even possible. 

As much as you wanted to milk every moment with Jaebeom being a fake couple together, you were afraid of getting your heartbroken once this act was all over. The days just seemed to come and go in an instant; school and work took up most of your day and once you were done, you and Jaebeom would watch movies together or play a few board games. Before you knew it, the day of the first luncheon came and you found yourself getting ready. You were never fond of wearing makeup; it wasn’t that you thought you didn’t need it, you just hated having to put it on and it saved you a lot of money not having to purchase any. 

It wasn’t like there was anyone in your life that you had to impress otherwise. Jaebeom made it known that you were naturally beautiful. You would always roll your eyes at his comment and think that he was only saying that because he was your best friend. Nonetheless, his compliments always made your heart flutter. While the two of you went shopping for dresses, he made it clear that he liked every single outfit you tried on. You tried your best not to make it obvious that his words were slowly driving you to the brink of insanity. 

Why did he have to say all these nice things about you and make you feel like you were more to him than just his best friend? It was natural for friends to compliment each other, but for him to say that you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid his eyes on; on top of having the most “ridiculous curves”, you didn’t think friends would say such things. 

Right as you were putting the finishing touches of blush on your cheeks, the knock on your door broke you out of your thoughts. You gave yourself a couple of seconds to put yourself together and when you finally opened the door, it’s as if your soul left your body. The only time you’ve ever seen your best friend in a tux was at both junior and senior prom and even then, he broke the rules in the way that he wore his attire. 

He didn’t even wear a tie and his dress shirt was unbuttoned, showing partial of his chest—but none of your teachers had the courage to tell him he was breaking dress code. His hair was slicked back, his suit was crisp and wrinkle free and he even put on a tie this time. You didn’t think it was possible for him to look even more handsome than he usually was, but right now, he looked like a Greek God. He was at peak attractiveness and it was taking every bone in your body not to scream in sexual frustration. 

“Hey. You look beautiful—really beautiful. Ready to go?” 

You simply nodded your head; afraid that you might say the wrong thing if you were to speak up. The car ride was quiet, other than the jazz playlist going on in the background. To your delight and dismay, he brought his free hand to your lap and gently grazed your thigh with his thumb. Your breath hitched at his touch; his hand only went higher on your leg the longer he drove and you were sure you were just seconds away from placing his hand up to where you wanted him the most. Unfortunately, the hotel that the lunch was being held at was closer to your apartment that you had expected—but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. 

“I’m really glad you chose that dress. I think it was the best one of the many you tried on.” Once he parked, he wasted no time in walking over to your side of the car and opening the door for you; helping you out and intertwining your fingers together. 

“Showtime—Babe.” 

God, this was going to be a long day. 

As soon as you both entered the lobby and made your way up to the ballroom, you were quick to spot some familiar faces. A lot of Jaebeom’s friends were there—some you knew, some that you were also friends with and some you have never met before. When your mutual friend BamBam saw your intertwined hands, he had to cover his mouth in order to keep himself from squealing. 

“No fucking way. I knew the two of you would end up together one day. I fucking knew it. Jackson owes me $20 dollars. Ah, I’m so happy for you both. You look good together. I can’t wait to tell everyone. Let’s go find them shall we?” 

The lunch actually went off without a hitch. Thankfully, the groom sat you and Jaebeom at a table with BamBam, Jackson, Mark, Jinyoung, Youngjae and Yugyeom. Jinyoung and Youngjae brought their girlfriends, so you decided to get to know them while the guys got reacquainted with each other. Since it was just a lunch, the day went by pretty quickly. After saying your goodbyes to everyone at your table and making plans to go on double dates now that everyone knew—or at least were convinced that you and Jaebeom were dating, he grabbed your purse before reaching for your hand and led you out to his car. 

“See, that wasn’t so bad was it?” You shrugged indifferently before scrunching your nose. 

“Ella wasn’t there though. Are you sure she’s going to be a part of this wedding?”

“Positive. She’s close with both the bride and the groom. Maybe she was busy today. Probably fucking that asshole of a coworker—“

“Hey, don’t start. Please. She didn’t deserve you Jaebeom. You are an amazing—wonderful—otherworldly human being. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I know it sucks being cheated on, but maybe this was a blessing—don’t give me that look. Hear me out. I don’t want to assume that she’s been cheating on you all this time, but it’s better you found out sooner than to do something stupid like ask her to marry you and find out later that she was being unfaithful.” 

You don’t know what got over you in that moment; whether it was seeing him on the verge of tears, or just being in the moment after all the touches you’ve shared with each other today, but you got on your tippy toes and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. 

“You’ll be okay Jaebeom. She’ll be nothing but a memory once this week is over. Let’s get you home.” 

The next luncheon came—still no sign of Ella, yet Jaebeom grew clingier than the day before. It also seem as if he genuinely enjoyed introducing you as his girlfriend to some of his friends. You weren’t going to lie, you were enjoying the chivalry; none of your ex-boyfriends ever pulled out a chair for you or took off their jackets for you to wear. You could also feel eyes on you from who you assumed to be girls who either had a crush on Jaebeom at one point or even had a fling with him. 

Although you were the one he had a protective grip on, you did get jealous knowing that some of these girls got to experience what Jaebeom was like behind closed doors. A lot of the girls in high school were extremely vocal about what sex with Jaebeom was like and you’d find yourself wanting to know yourself. It was silly for you to think you would ever have the chance to be writhing underneath him as you begged him to do anything to smooth the fire burning in your core—but a girl could dream right? 

Finally the reason why you and Jaebeom were putting on an act for the last few days came in to play when you walked in to the dining hall together and saw Ella sitting with a couple of other guests. You assumed that the guy whose arm was around her shoulder was the same one Jaebeom caught her cheating with. You clenched your jaw in anger and said a little prayer; wishing for some self control. It wasn’t even you who was cheating on—yet you wanted to walk over to her table and yank her by her poorly done ponytail. Really, what did Jaebeom see in her? 

He was too busy getting you both signed in that he wasn’t able to see what was driving you up the walls, but you wanted him to know she was there and that she had unfortunate company. After you were giving your table number, you gently tugged on the bottom of Jaebeom’s suit in order to get his attention and gave him the unpleasant news. His reaction shocked you though; he winked and gave you a smirk. 

“I have the hottest date here—I’m not bothered one bit. Come on, I want to talk to Jackson about something.” He brought his hand to your lower back and guided you to the table Jackson was sitting at. 

“Damn y/n, you look amazing. You’re making all of us look bad—the bride will probably complain that you’re stealing her spotlight.” 

You politely thanked him before softly giggling at his comment. If only you weren’t so busy admiring the center piece and the party favors, you would have been able to see the way Jaebeom was mentally sending daggers towards his best friend’s neck. You did notice that Jaebeom brought his seat closer to yours and his hand that was on his knee was now gripping at your thigh. 

To an outsider; it might have been a sexual gesture, but under these circumstances—it just seemed off. Knowing his tendencies of getting angry, you didn’t pry at him. If something was bothering him, he would tell you when he was ready to. You just assumed he was now coming to terms that he was in the same room with his ex-girlfriend and the guy she cheated on him with. Although he seemed out of it for the first hour; especially when his friends tried to star conversation with him, everything settled down once the emcee announced that it was time for everyone to head to the dance floor. You elbowed the other boy and motioned your head towards the stage. 

“I want to dance. Can we please?” He furrowed his brows and released a long sigh. 

“You know I hate dancing y/n. That’s going to be a hard pass.” It was your turn to sigh, but then you looked across the table and saw your three other friends moving along to the Drake song that was now filling the room. 

“Fine. I’ll just ask Jackson. I’m sure he’ll want to—“

“Don’t you fucking dare. You’re mine damnit. Fuck—whatever, let’s go.” 

His words confused you; sure, the two of you were pretending to be a couple so there was chance he was just playing along, but to hear him say that you were his so confidently, without hesitation made you feel as though there was more meaning behind it. Once you found a place that the two of you could dance comfortably in, you began to let loose and allowed your body to flow freely. Your hair swung all around and your hips kept up with the movement of the song. 

Although he seemed uptight back at the table, it wasn’t long until a smile rose on his face as his hands slowly made their way down to your hips. You wrapped your arms around his neck and continued your movements. The first couple songs were very upbeat and the two of you danced carelessly; you even had a feeling you both looked like fishes flopping out of water but you didn’t care. You were genuinely having so much fun; something that always happened when you were with Jaebeom. After fifth song finished, the Dj played a slower song at the request of the bride. 

As soon as boys to men came through the speakers, you didn’t know how to react—nor did you know how you were going to dance along to this song in particular. “I’ll make love to you” was the last song you expected to hear tonight, especially because you’ve been sexually aroused since you left Jaebeom’s apartment. Luckily, you didn’t have to move at all—Jaebeom pulled you closer to him and did the unthinkable. You were always a big fan of his hands. 

He’s always had such pretty fingers and you found yourself admiring them on many occasions; yet you weren’t prepared to feel them gripping tightly on both your ass cheeks. You looked up at him in shock but right before you could react, his lips were on yours. You’d find yourself daydreaming about how it would feel to kiss Jaebeom on many occasions; more than you’d liked to admit out loud. 

Whenever he would talk, your eyes would always find their way to his mouth. Every time he would bite and nibble on his lips, you would picture what it would be like to do it yourself. However, no daydream could ever prepare you for the actual thing. His lips were soft against yours; he always felt the need to apply chapstick and you were thankful that he was the type to care about things like that. His movements were rushed; as if the world was going to end and the last thing he wanted to do was kiss you. It was a sensation you wouldn’t be able to fathom in to words. 

Kissing him right now made you feel like you’ve been missing out on so many years of being able to feel him—actually feel him. You weren’t sure why he felt the need to attach your lips together out of the blue, but you weren’t complaining. He smiled in to the kiss when he felt you put more pressure; molding your lips all but gently against his. You ran your hands up and down his chest and as soon as you heard him moan, that’s when you decided to pull away in fear that you would literally rip his shirt off of him right then and there. 

“Jaebeom—“

“I’m sorry, I had to. You just looked so breathtakingly beautiful and seeing you so happy made me act out—you don’t know what you do to me do you? I’m in love with you baby. So fucking in love with you y/n and I have been for a really long time. I hope that kiss helped prove my feelings for you—but if you need more validation, I’d be happy to give you a more physical demonstration. Preferably with our clothes scattered on my bedroom floor while I rail the shit out of you.” 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out a groan at both his love confession and his plans for the rest of the night. Were you dreaming? You had to be—there was no way Jaebeom actually confessed to you that he was in love with you. How could he have been in love with you? He never made it seem like he harbored any romantic feelings for you at all the entire duration of your friendship. You stole one more kiss from the corner of his lips before nodding embarrassingly quickly. 

“Take me Im Jaebeom. I’m yours. I love you and I’m in love with you too. Let me just run to the bathroom really quickly then we can go and you can have your way with me.” 

He allowed you to head over to the restroom while he went back to your table and made up an excuse as to why you had to leave so early. You tried to hurry up with your movements; the desire to finally become one with Jaebeom was seeping through your entire body. When you first entered the bathroom, you were the only one inside. As you heard the door open while you were ready to leave the stall, you didn’t think much of it. 

That was until you finally made your way towards the sink and saw just who entered the bathroom. There were so many thoughts running through your mind in that moment; so many things you wanted to say to her, but you had other thoughts occupying your mind. Ones that made your core throb and took your attention away from the girl who was obviously wanting to say something. 

“Nice to see you again y/n. You look great. I love your dress—I think I saw it on the sale rack at forever 21 am I mistaken?” You scoffed. 

“Yeah, it was right next to your cheap ass lipstick and generic brand of eye shadow.” She was quick to cross her arms and you knew your words got to her—but her anger didn’t last long. 

“So you and Jaebeom—can’t say I didn’t see this coming. He would never shut up about you and followed you around like a lost puppy; what a pathetic little boy. It was painfully obvious that he liked you. And you wonder why I cheated. He never liked me to begin with. I never understood why he got in a relationship with me when his heart adamantly belonged to you. Witnessing how you would constantly stare at him though, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you were just as obsessed. It was a waste of my time though; the sex was underwhelming and his dick was extremely tiny. Good luck with my sloppy seconds.” 

Images of you socking her in the face were now filling up your mind—it would be so easy to just slap her or step on her foot, but what good would it do? You’d only look like a bad person and taint Jaebeom’s reputation. Plus, she could press charges and you would cause such a mess at the party. Right as she was about to walk out, you decided to make your own comment. 

“Funny you say that considering that I can’t even fit him entirely inside of my mouth. The tip of his cock would always touch the back of my throat and there was still so much of him that my mouth couldn’t cover. Oh, and don’t even get me started on how good he fucks me. If it’s any consolation, Jaebeom is an amazing boyfriend and an even better lover. He treats me and eats me so fucking good. I’m sorry he didn’t think much of you to show you the same affection. Ah, before I go—he told me that you don’t taste all that good—bitter and sour if I remember his exact words. I’d get that checked if I were you.” 

Your words felt much more better than a slap would have felt; even if you were blatantly telling lies, you felt as though a huge weight was lifted off of your shoulders. Jaebeom looked at you in confusion and it’s as if you knew he was going to ask you what took you so long. You cupped his cheek and placed a chaste kiss on his nose while saying goodbye to everyone on the table. 

“I’m sorry to hear that your dad has a stomach ulcer y/n. I hope he feels better soon.” 

Jaebeom was lucky that you were the kind of person to catch on to things quickly; you weren’t all too happy that he lied in order for the two of you to leave without being teased for what you both planned on doing, but you needed him just as badly as he claimed to have needed you. He didn’t even let you take two steps before roughly pressing his hard on against your ass and licking stripes along your neck; only adding to the euphoria you were already sensing as you made out with each other on the dance floor. 

“I don’t think I can make it back to either of our places—I need you now.” You were about to ask him where he planned on taking you, but your questions were answered once he began pulling you towards the direction of the lobby. 

“Jaebeom, you’re not seriously going to rent a hotel room for one night just so we can fuck—“

“That’s exactly what I plan on doing baby. If I have to wait even just one more minute, I’m going to cum in my pants just at the sight of your tits busting out of your dress. I’d prefer to come inside of you—plus it’s more romantic than what I had in mind. Honestly I was planning to make love to you in a family bathroom or the backseat of my car. I’ve waited to make love to you for longer than I want to say out loud. Just know that I’ve been dreaming of burying myself inside of your pussy for at least six years now. Our first time together is a night I will remember for the rest of my life and I think it would be even more memorable in a fancy setting don’t you think?” 

His quick movements towards the front desk almost gave you whiplash, but it only heightened your excitement. He began tapping his foot impatiently as the receptionist took her time typing in his information. You had to stifle back a giggle at the veins that developed on his neck. After what felt like an hour having to wait for her to get you both a room, he yanked the key from her hand and ran towards the hallway leading to the elevators. You were sure the receptionist caught on to what the two of you were going to do once you headed up to the hotel room—but you couldn’t care less. 

All that you could think about was finally getting to experience what you’ve been dreaming about for the last few years. You were going to make love to your best friend and you couldn’t be more excited. He didn’t even wait for the elevators to close before forcing you up against the wall, pressing his knee in between your legs in order to get as close to you as he physically could. His hands were gripping tightly at your waist while he attacked your neck and jaw with wet kisses. The feeling of his cock pressing up against your clothed core was a feeling you’ve never experienced before.

You’ve had sex enough times to say you had quite a bit of knowledge on how to please a man. Many of your partners told you that you were a professional at giving head and even more amazing at riding dick. None of their confessions meant anything to you—the only person whose opinion mattered was Jaebeom. You were growing insecure at the idea of not being able to take care of him or pleasure him in the way that previous girls he’s been with might have done. As soon as the doors opened, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder; earning himself a loud gasp. 

“Sorry baby; I can’t wait anymore. Those heels look amazing on you but fuck, they only make you move slower. However, I think it would be extremely sexy for you to keep them on while I fuck you.” 

He shoved the keycard inside of the door and you didn’t even get to look around the room; he threw you down on the couch and climbed on top of you. The toothy grin he gave you made your stomach fill with butterflies. You’ve loved him for such a long time; if you were to tell your ten-year-old self that Im Jaebeom, the boy you’ve been crushing on since the second grade when he spent months tying your shoes for you until you actually learned how, reciprocated your same feelings, she would probably laugh in your face. But his comforting touch as he ran his hands along your arms made it all the more real that Jaebeom did in fact love you and you were finally going to experience the love you’ve been wanting to feel since you were a little girl. 

“I know I’m seconds away from ripping this dress off of you, but since this is our first time together, I think it would be best for me to explain my love for you—even if only for a couple of minutes. You can hold off from needing to feel my dick inside of you can’t you?” You elbowed him in his ribs before flicking his forehead. 

“You’re the one who is spending at least $200 to have sex with me just because you were too impatient to wait to get home.”

“Best $200 I’ve ever spent. Now, as much as I love hearing that sweet voice of yours, please be quiet so I can hurry up and go in to vivid detail about how, when and why I started having feelings for you. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve been in love with you from the day you first approached me back in the cafeteria, but the fact that you wanted to keep me company because you hated seeing me alone made my heart swell up. I knew you were going to be someone special in my life. I think I realized that I was in love with you right after my first break up. I developed a crush on you back in the 7th grade and I’m sure I saw you as more than just a friend even before then. I just didn’t want to ruin our friendship if I told you how I felt and found out that you didn’t reciprocate my same feelings. I know this is far fetched and hard to believe, but I’m telling the truth; every single girl that I’ve been with was my pathetic way of trying to get over you. Obviously, it never worked. They were never you. Nobody could ever be you baby. Nobody could make me feel so important—so happy—so loved and genuinely cared for. I’m happiest when I’m with you and I feel so fucking empty when we’re not together.” He brought his fingers right below your eyelids and wiped away a few stray tears that you didn’t even know built up. 

“God, you’re so fucking cute. Anyway, I would always find myself staring at you. No matter what I was doing or who I was with, my eyes would always gravitate toward you. You’re so beautiful—I cannot stress this enough. You are the most beautiful girl to exist, I need you to know that. And it goes on your physical beauty; you have one of the biggest, most generous hearts and you never fail to make me laugh and smile at the most silliest things. I’m sorry for being such an idiot—I should have just grown the balls earlier and told you how I felt. I wouldn’t have wasted all my time fooling around with girls I didn’t care about. I never felt like I deserved you—that’s why I didn’t try I guess. I saw all the guys you developed crushes on and I was nothing like them. So I just assumed you wouldn’t look at me that way. But none of that matters now. I’m yours and you’re mine. I hope you know you’re stuck with me now that we’re together. You’re all I want and have wanted for almost my entire life y/n. I went through so many changes, but you are the only thing that stayed constant. When I first asked you to be my fake girlfriend, I would have never thought we would end up here. I promise; I didn’t plan this entire thing to get you to fall in love with me, but I’m really happy I did. Even happier knowing that you love me. Can you say it again? I don’t think I will ever get used to hearing you tell me you love me.”

You pulled him down and smashed your mouth against his; licking his bottom lip as a nonverbal way to ask for entrance. His movements were quick as he mirrored yours; allowing your tongues to dance in sync together while grinding his pelvis against yours. 

“I love you Jaebeom. I’ve always loved you—mmmmm—always going to love you—now fuck me damnit.” He leaned back and gave you a flirtatious smirk, one you were seconds away from smacking off of his face. As emotional as his confession made you, you were now desiring for him to touch you; to really touch you, to feel him enrapture himself deep inside of you. 

“Sit up baby—I bought this dress because you looked so good in it, but I’m sure you’ll look so much better without it—and I was right. Holy shit y/n—what the fuck—how are you so fucking perfect are you even real?!” 

Your dress was flown across of the room, leaving you in only your underwear and although you weren’t the most confident in your body, the way Jaebeom was looking at you with so much lust; as if he was going to devour you sent your entire body in to a frenzy. 

“Why aren’t you wearing a bra? It’s like you want to kill me. Your tits are huge—so pretty. You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to have you like this and now that I do, I’m not going easy on you.” He grabbed at both of your breasts, kneading and molding at them all but gently while leaving sloppy kisses right below your ear. When you felt him pinch at both nipples before twisting them between his calloused fingers, you let out a soft whimper. 

“Jaebeom—“

“Yes baby? Everything okay?” You gave him an eager nod as you tilted your head back in pleasure. 

“Feels so mmm—so good.” Your words only made his movements quicken and to your surprise, he lowered himself to your chest and brought one of your breasts in to his mouth while continuing to fondle the other. You weren’t a stranger to breast play; you loved whenever your partner would twist your nipples or suck on your titties, but it was different now that Jaebeom was doing it. It was otherworldly—you couldn’t even take in just how wonderful it felt. His tongue swirled around your hardened nipple and before you could even say anything, he brought your nipple in between his teeth. 

“Oh God—“

Feeling him hum against your naked chest all the while sucking fervently on your mound made your head spin. You hated that you could already feel your orgasm building up only minutes in to foreplay; but it was expected. Jaebeom already took care of you as if it was his life duty to do so; this time was no different. He dragged his fingers along your stomach; only adding on to your excitement and desire. 

His fingers were cold against your skin and you knew he was teasing you seeing that his movements were extremely slow. As much as you were enjoying the attention he was showing to your breasts, the fire burning in your core needed to be put out or else you’d really lose it. 

“Jaebeom—babe—“ He abruptly pulled away at the sound of the pet name and gave you his signature grin; the one you’ve been in love with for so many years now. 

“Everything alright y/n? I’m not hurting you am I? The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. Did you need me to slow down?” His laughter filled the room at the sight of you shaking your head faster than usual. 

“I’m fine. Trust me, it’s the complete opposite. I’m going to need you to touch me—“

“But I am touching you. I can’t seem to stop touching you.” Upset with his response, you decided to take matters in to your own hands and brought his hand down to your entrance. You made sure that he could feel just how wet you were and you could only hope that it would get him to give you what you wanted. 

“Holy shit—you’re soaking. All because I played with your titties for a little while? You’re going to be the death of me.”

“If you don’t hurry up and eat me, you’ll be the death of me. We have the rest of our lives for you to tease me—please just take me already. I’m going to tell you right now, I don’t usually beg during sex Im—and don’t expect it to be a reoccurring thing either. This is just built up sexual tension acting for me. So either you hurry up or—FUCK—shit shit—Jae—“ 

You were so heated in that moment; all you were focusing on was scolding him and trying to coerce him to make a move on your pussy that you failed to notice him making his way down towards your thigh until you felt him lick a long stripe along your core. You didn’t even realize he practically ripped your panty down the middle and as much as you wanted to be mad at him because it was expensive, you just wanted to feel him inside of you. 

At this point, you didn’t care whether it was his tongue, his fingers or his cock; you just needed to feel something—anything to help soothe the tingling sensation in between your legs. His tongue was warm against your entrance; he placed a soft kiss and looked up at you with the most devilish grin you’ve ever seen before he began nibbling on your folds. A breathy moan fell from your lips as he continued his movements; getting eaten out was an experience you hardly ever got to indulge in. 

Most of the guys expected you to suck them off, but there were only two or three that ever returned the favor. You weren’t going to lie, the few experiences you’ve had with other guys were great—they all seemed to know what they were doing at the time. However, with the way that Jaebeom was nibbling on your clit, flicking and sucking on the nub gently and even inserting two of his fingers deeply inside of your cunt—all of your ex-lovers seemed like beginners. Jaebeom was a professional; he knew exactly where to lick and to suck; his fingers were shoved in and out of you at a rapid pace and it didn’t take long for him to reach your g-spot. 

This was the first time anyone ever accomplished finding your g-spot, let alone eating you out so well. If only you saw his ex after actually experiencing receiving head from him—you could have went even further in to detail just how amazing he was. His hums against your entrance made it clear that he was enjoying this just as much as you were. 

“You—you have no flaws do you baby? You taste—so sweet—so fucking delicious. I could eat you out for hours—days if I put my heart in to it. Honestly, I think I’m having more fun than you are—I love how soaking you are. Your juices are filling up my mouth deliciously. You’re so fucking tight—I can’t wait to feel you wrap this pretty pussy around my cock. How does it feel? How does my tongue feel? I need words y/n.” 

You pulled on his hair as soon as he returned back to his place and reattached his lips to your cunt. He playfully blew his warm breath against your core and with the wait you were clenching your legs around his shoulders, you knew you were so close. 

“Feels—so good Jae—I’m so close—please—faster—“ He flicked at your clit with his fingers and licked his way back and forth along your folds. Before you knew it, you let out a whine and soon you were releasing your juices all over his tongue. He lapped up your cum and sucked on both his fingers; releasing them with a loud pop. Once he was done, he made his way up to you and brought his hands up to your mouth. 

“Open your mouth and suck—I want you to experience just how amazing you taste. You’re so fucking sexy—I’m not usually a huge fan of hair pulling but shit—you can yank on my hair as much as you want to babe. I’m gonna need to eat this pussy at least five times a day.” 

The thought made your eyes roll to the back of your head and honestly—you were all for it. Seeing your essence on his lips made you giggle; how could someone look so cute while doing something so sinful. You stole a kiss from the corner of his mouth before leaning towards him and unbuttoning his dress shirt. 

“It’s not fair that I’m naked and you’re fully clothed.” You tried to take it off as fast as you could but it was hard and he wasn’t of any help; he just laughed at your misfortune and watched as you struggled trying to take out the buttons. 

“I never would have thought watching someone unbutton my shirt would be this hot to watch, maybe I should wear dress shirts all the time—“

“Or maybe you should fucking help me instead of just ogling Jaebeom. If You don’t dick me down in the next two minutes, I’m gonna leave you hard and alone in this room.” 

Normally you weren’t as dominant or confident as you were now; you were always so submissive even outside of sex. Whatever someone would instruct you to do, you did it with no hesitation. But you wanted—needed him to finally give you what you’ve been wanting for so long since the night you lost your virginity. 

When you first had sex—it was an okay experience. It was back in your junior year of high school when your boyfriend at the time asked you if you were willing to take that step in your relationship. He was one of the only boyfriends you genuinely had feelings for and he made you feel good—it wasn’t as painful or awkward as most of your friends explained it to be. But if you could go back in the past, you would have waited to give yourself to the beautiful man in front of you. As soon as his shirt came off, he quickly removed his pants and you leaned back in order to get a better look at him. Y

ou knew that Jaebeom was extremely fit; he went to the gym almost every single day and he only ever ate healthy food—telling you that he needed to “maintain his figure”. You’ve seen him shirtless on multiple occasions and there were a few drunken stupors that you’ve seen him practically naked before, but this was the first time you’d actually get to see him bare; on full display in such an intimate setting. He looked at you in confusion; the blank stare on your face didn’t make him feel all that good. Your best friend was always so confident in his looks, his personality and his physique—yet right now, watching you stare at him with an unreadable expression made him feel like he wasn’t attractive enough. Luckily, your next words confirmed that you were gazing at him in awe of his charming good looks and not in disgust. 

“You’re so hot Jaebeom—who knew you were hiding a six pack under all of those baggy hoodies?” You returned back to him and ran your index finger along his chiseled muscles. Both your breaths hitched as soon as your hand found his cock; you palmed him through his cotton briefs and hummed at how hard he was. 

“May I?” 

He gulped before nodding abruptly. Just like he did with your underwear; you forcefully ripped his off but he didn’t seem to care either. No daydream or any dream for that matter could ever had prepare you for this moment. You had a huge feeling Jaebeom was well endowed; you had a chance to see him in his underwear a few times, but seeing his long and thick girth made your mouth water. 

“Shit Jaebeom—you’re so big baby. I can’t wait to feel you inside of me. Can I—return the favor first—“ You don’t remember ever drooling over someone’s dick before, but just thinking about how good the stretch was going to feel in just a matter of moments was making you heated again. To your dismay, he shook his head and it discouraged you. Did he not like receiving head? What guy didn’t like being sucked off? Or was it because he didn’t think you could do a good job of pleasing him? He’s been with so many girls—you were afraid that you wouldn’t be able to make him feel the ecstasy he just brought you through. Before you could continue overthinking, he brought his hand up to your chin and lifted it so that you were making direct eye contact with him. 

“I want nothing more than to shove my dick down your throat—especially because you were extremely naughty earlier; commanding me and telling me what to do. I should really teach you a lesson and trust me baby, I’ve wanted to see you suck on my cock since July 4th back in junior year and the cafeteria gave us those popsicles and you deepthroated it like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like you said, we have the rest of our lives to experiment—I have so many kinky positions to try and things that I want to do to you. But now—now I need to fuck you.” 

He shoved you down on the bed and found his place in between your legs. He lined himself up at your entrance and ran his cock in between your folds; lubricating himself with your left over juices from your previous orgasm. You closed your eyes to prepare yourself for the stretch—as much as you loved being filled to the hilt with a dick, it was extremely uncomfortable. However, whether it was that he sensed your hesitance or something else popped in to his mind; you didn’t feel him just yet and you opened your eyes to see what was wrong. 

“Jae—“

“I didn’t plan this well—fuck—damnit—I don’t have a fucking condom—shit—I haven’t had sex in years and I obviously didn’t think my dreams were finally going to come true tonight—fuck, y/n I’m so sorry—“ You playfully pinched his cheek and placed a reassuring kiss on his forehead. 

“I’m on the pill if that’s okay with you. I’m a  big fan of raw sex—and hey—we plan on spending the rest of our lives together anyway—so even if I were to get pregnant, then that would be pretty fucking awesome if you ask me. I want your babies one day—but if you’re not okay with that, I’m fine with swallowing your kids for the time being—“

“Oh God, please don’t ever say that again. That is not sexy at all. Are you sure about this y/n? I mean, the thought of fucking you without protection is indescribable—but I don’t want you to feel like you have to just because I’m irresponsible—“

“You would think I’d be used to my words going through one ear and out the other—you never listen to me other than when I offer to buy you food. It’s fine Jaebeom, I want this. Now—do us both a favor and blow my back out.” He gave you a hesitant smile and brought some hair off of your face before adoringly cupping your cheek in his palm. 

“Tell me if it hurts okay? And please let me know when I can move. I love you y/n—I love you so much.” 

He brought his lips to yours for what you assumed was to take your mind off of how uncomfortable the first stretch would feel. It wasn’t painful at all; you’ve had sex enough times to get used to the discomfort. His kisses and the way he was holding your waist protectively was enough to take your mind off of the ache and after a couple of thrusts, you were soon feeling pleasure. You gently gripped at his bicep as a nonverbal way to let him know that he could go faster and thankfully, he understood. 

“Fuck—you’re so fucking tight—your walls feel so good wrapped around me—I think I could cum right now and call it a night honestly—“ you rolled your eyes all the while biting your lip in pleasure. His cock felt so good against your clit; his pelvis kissed the tip of your cervix at a pace that you didn’t think was physically possible. The room was filled with skin on skin slapping against each other as his ass collided with yours. He raised your leg up and placed it behind his head so he could hit you deeper and you were sure that just like him, you weren’t all too far away from your second orgasm. 

“Mmm—JAEBEOM—FUCK—right there—holy shit—“ He brought his hand up to your neck and wrapped around your pressure point; choking you while forcing himself harder inside of your cunt. It was an indescribable experience; you were quickly growing lightheaded but in such a wonderful way. He continued his thrusts; pounding his cock vehemently in and out of your folds. 

“You’re so good to me baby—taking this cock so well—I’m so close y/n—you feel extraordinary—fuck wait—I want to take you from behind, would that be okay? I want to fuck you in to this bed—may I?” 

Out of all the positions, doggy style had to be your favorite. Specifically because you were an exhibitionist and a lot of the times you’ve had sex, you made sure it was in an area where you’d be able to see yourself getting fucked. You enjoyed watching your partner take you from behind; it was lewd and animalistic—it made your sex sessions all that more arousing. Even if the mirror wasn’t facing the two of you—you were extremely excited nonetheless. He pulled himself out of you; earning him an erotic whimper but you turned around and placed your face in to the pillows while lifting your ass up in to the air. He slapped both your cheeks before kneading them and playfully pinching them both. 

“I’m going to tell you this right now and I don’t care if you slap me—but I’ve stared at this beautiful ass many times and I’m not even sorry. I could write a novel about how much your ass alone drives me fucking insane—your whole body is a wonderland and I’m losing my fucking mind.” Thankfully, as soon as he admitted his obsession with your butt, he realigned himself at your folds and didn’t give you any warning before shoving his cock back inside. 

“FUCK—DON’T DO THAT—I’M GONNA COME Y/N STOP—“ His grip on your hips tightened once he felt you clench around him. At first, it was an accident. You were just reacting to how amazing it felt having his hardened length graze along your walls, but now that you knew how much it was affecting him, you wanted to mess around with him. 

“I thought you said no teasing tonight. Fine, two can play at that game babe.” 

No matter how hard and how fast he was pumping himself inside of you, his pace now was merciless. He began to bite and suck on the back of your neck and grunted each and every time his cock kissed your lips. His movements were harder—faster and you couldn’t even form an actual sentence to describe how euphoric you felt. This went on for ten more minutes and before either of you knew it, you felt his warm, creamy liquid fill you to the brim. Not too long after, he coaxed you in to reaching your release by whispering dirty words and sweet nothings in to your ear. 

After coming on his cock, you collapsed on the bed and he plopped his body on top of you. If you weren’t as exhausted as you were at the moment, you would have complained about how heavy his body was lying against yours, but you were so tired and you actually liked the proximity between the two of you. You and Jaebeom laid there for a couple of minutes; trying to catch your breaths and accept reality for what it was. You just made love to the man of your dreams—he was finally yours to love as you were his. Honestly, you didn’t need anything or anyone else. 

You didn’t care what job you were to get in the future; what car you’d end up driving one day or the house you’d end up living in—you would be content living a box as long as Jaebeom was there next to you. Once his breathing returned back to normal, he got off of you and took his place right next to you—turning you to face him. His hair was stuck on his forehead and with all the energy you had left—you let out a little chuckle. 

“This was the best night of my fucking life I can’t even—that was amazing—you were—wow y/n. I think I’m going to become a nymphomaniac and it is all your fault. Shit you felt so good I’ll never get over it. How was that for you though?” You pecked his lips and dragged your thumb along his bottom one. 

“That was wonderful—I’m sure it was ten times more amazing because I’m so in love with you. I’ve never been in love before—so I feel like it just heightens my hormones and made my experience so much more enjoyable. You were remarkable babe. I think I enjoyed that a little too much. I’m so glad we finally put our feelings out there. I don’t think I would have lasted much longer knowing how much I love you and not doing anything about it. I’m sure I would have blurted it out sooner or later. I love you Jaebeom. I’m so happy I can say that now. I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

He looked at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes and pulled you closer to his body before stealing a few fleeting kisses from your lips and running his fingers through your hair. 

“I love you too y/n and I’m going to spend the rest of my life reminding you both physically and verbally on a daily basis just how much. You’ll never have to question my love for you. Now—should I call the front desk and tell them we plan on staying for the rest of this week? I really want to fuck you in the shower and up against the window.” 

The next day—you and Jaebeom relished in your love for a couple of hours before you tapped out. The wedding wasn’t until 6:00 P.M. but you didn’t want to miss out just because you weren’t able to move around. For the rest of the day, the two of you watched a couple of movies and ordered room service. Your cuddling was on a whole other level now, he preferred that you’d sit on his lap rather than just sitting next to him and he always had to have his arms wrapped around you. Once it was time for you both to get ready, he recommended taking a shower together in order to “save time and the environment” but you knew exactly what would happen if you decided to take a shower with him and your mind was set on going to the wedding. 

He let out the most adorable whine but allowed you to take a shower first because he knew you would need more time to get ready. While he was in the shower, you slipped on your dress and began to apply a light amount of make up. Your hair didn’t take too long to dry and you actually finished getting ready around the same time he was. Watching his jaw drop as he walked in to the room at looked at you up and down sent chills down your spine. 

“Yeah—no, there is no way I am letting you go down looking like that—we’re staying here and that dress is going on the floor—“

“Im Jaebeom, I will go to that wedding with or without you. I did not spend half an hour getting dolled up just so we can stay here and have more sex. I’m still sore—keep it in your pants will you? If you’re a good boy then maybe when we come back—I’ll let you have your way with me again. But until then, promise me you’ll be on your best behavior.” He groaned before making his way towards you—wrapping his arms around your waist and releasing a long sigh in to your neck. 

“Fine. Just know I’m rock solid right now and I’ll probably be for the rest of the night until you relieve me. There are a few family restrooms we can make love in—get back here—you can’t attend the wedding without me baby—“ 

The wedding was extremely beautiful. Although you didn’t know either the bride or the groom personally, you found yourself shedding a couple of tears. You’ve always loved going to weddings; witnessing the love two people had for each other was so beautiful. There were so many times you’ve found yourself planning out your future wedding, but you’ve never been with anyone that you’d see yourself starting a family with. The idea of marrying Jaebeom was always in the back of your mind, but you never thought you’d be here right now with his hand inching closer and closer to your core. 

“That’s going to be you and me one day.” You turned around to face him and smiled softly at his sweet words. 

“I can’t wait.” Once the bride and groom said their vows and everyone made their way in to the grand ballroom, the rest of the night came and went with a snap of your finger. You were so caught up in staring at your boyfriend and just thinking about what he said earlier that you didn’t even bother to look around for Ella. She didn’t matter anymore. It may have sounded weird, but you were grateful that she made the awful mistake of cheating on Jaebeom. You hated that she hurt him and make him question himself and what he did wrong, but you were content that it brought the two of you together. 

Your love for Jaebeom only grew stronger as the days went by. If you thought he was the perfect best friend; he was an even more amazing boyfriend. He was quite the gentleman; always called you up to see how your day was going, bought you things that reminded him of you, wrote poems about your beauty and how lucky he was to have you—he even stayed on the phone with your mom for over an hour once to learn how to make your favorite dish. He also tried his best to head over to your place almost every single day and on the days he was too tired from work, he’d make sure to FaceTime with you just so he could get his fill of seeing you. Life with Jaebeom was perfect—honestly too good to be true. Both work and school was rough for you, but the time you’d get to spend with him made it all worth your while. 

Unfortunately, you were putting all your time and energy in to your education, your work and your relationship that you weren’t taking good enough care of yourself. One morning you woke up feeling nauseous and extremely light headed. You just assumed it was because you were either dehydrated or lacking in sleep. Since you didn’t think anything of it, you went about your day like nothing was wrong. You were sitting in class, texting back and forth with your boyfriend when all of a sudden you felt yourself going in and out of your head—you didn’t know how to explain exactly what you were feeling but you knew something wasn’t right. 

It wasn’t until your vision went blurry that you felt like you should make your way towards the nurse’s office; but you collapsed right as you made your way towards the door. The last thing you heard were worried voices telling someone to call an ambulance before everything faded to black. Waking up felt weird; you knew by the white walls and the beeping from what you assumed was a heart monitor that you were in the hospital. Your memory was a blur; you remembered everything leading up to that moment, but you don’t remember being put in the back of an ambulance or even making your way to the hospital. How long have you been asleep for? What exactly caused you to pass out? 

You had a feeling you’ve been sleeping for at least a couple of hours—but then again, what felt like such a short amount of time to you could have been a week for all you knew. The tight hold on your hand was quick to grab your attention and when you looked down to see who it was—even if you had a feeling it was the same person you were hoping it would be, you gently caressed his hand with your thumb. Jaebeom was leaning on your bed; his face was pressed up against your ankle as his hands were intertwined with yours. You didn’t want to wake him up; but your curiosity was getting the best of you. 

“Jaebeom—baby—hey—“ 

You brought your hand in to his hair and began running your fingers through it in attempts to wake him up without startling him. He took his time to wake up but as soon as he realized that it was you calling his name, he sat up abruptly and blinked a few times; as if he was trying to see whether or not he was still sleeping or if he was awake and you were actually real. As soon as he realized that he wasn’t still dreaming, he threw himself towards you and cupped your face in between his hands. 

“Finally, you’re up. How are you feeling baby? God y/n, I was so worried about you. I had a feeling something was wrong when you stopped responding to my text messages and then I got a call from your mom telling me that you fainted and I couldn’t think. I was so scared—do you need me to get you something? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you want to use the bathroom? Should I call the doctor—“ 

In your fifteen years of knowing him, you’ve never seen him so distraught before. There’s never been a situation that he ever had to be this frantic or nervous—but it made your heart flutter both seeing and hearing how affected he was that something happened to you. 

“I’m okay babe, I just want you to hold me.” He bit his lip before standing up and placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. 

“Let me go call a doctor and let your parents know your awake. Then I’ll join you on the bed and cuddle the shit out of you.” You frowned as you saw him leave the room, but you understood that he wanted to make sure everything was okay with you. When the doctor came in, he was alone and you wondered where Jaebeom could have gone, but the grim look that he was wearing worried you. 

“Hi there y/n. It’s nice to see that you’re finally awake.”

“Do you mind me asking, how long have I been asleep for?”

“Three days. I’m actually surprised you’re not still in a coma. From what happened to you—I expected you to still be sleeping for at least one more week. How are you feeling?” You shrugged indifferently before sitting upright. 

“Groggy I guess? My body hurts just a little bit, but other than that, I’m fine. Did I pass out because I’m not eating right or getting enough hours of sleep? I’ll admit, I haven’t been taking care of my body as much as I should so is it because of that?” He released a disappointed sigh before shaking his head. 

“Y/n—I don’t know how to tell you this but, one of your kidneys are failing. That’s why your body went in to shock and you ended up collapsing.” 

You looked at him in shock. To be honest, you weren’t all that familiar with how bodies worked. All you knew was you needed to eat right, drink 8 cups of water a day, get at least seven hours of sleep and exercise three to five times a week. You didn’t know much about kidneys other than the fact that they filter out toxins from your body; you weren’t even aware of where it was located. But to hear that one of your kidneys were failing made you extremely nervous. 

“What does that mean exactly?” He walked closer to you and took a seat on the chair Jaebeom was sitting on. It made you grow even more curious as to where he could have been. Did he know? Is that why he seemed so upset? Did the doctor explain to him what happens to people who’s kidneys are failing? 

“Your kidney is one of the most important and vital organs in your body—when it fails, so does everything else. I don’t want to worry you—but most people don’t last long even when on dialysis.” The last thing anyone—especially someone who was only twenty-three years old wanted to hear was that you were going to die soon. You were still so young; there was so much going on for you as of right now. There were so many things you had planned for your future—why was your life on the line? It wasn’t fair. A few tears began to build at the brim of your eyelids—but it was only natural. 

“Is there anything I can do? A surgery I have to undergo or some medication I can take? I’ll do anything doctor. This can’t be it for me.” 

He nodded in understanding; you were sure it was probably hard for him to deliver this kind of news—but it probably wasn’t something he had yet to get used to. As many miracles there were in the hospital, there were just as many tragedies. 

“You could get a kidney transplant, but there’s a list. Kidneys are one of those organs that are harder to get next to a heart. I’ll put you on the list right now, but I’m sure there’s at least thirty people waiting for a donor. What we can do is test some of your loved ones to see if they have the same blood type as you and if they’re willing to give you one of their kidneys, then there’s no having to go on the list and your health will be good as new.” 

The thought of having to ask someone for their kidney made you want to cry. You knew your parents would offer their kidneys in a heartbreak—but there was no way you could do that to either of them. Even if people could live on just one kidney, what if down the road, that kidney ends up failing itself? As much as you did not want to die, you refused to put someone else’s life at jeopardy just to save yours. 

“I see. I’ll talk to my family about it. Thank you so much doctor.” 

He gave you a sad smile and told you that he’d get a nurse to bring in some food before leaving you all alone with your thoughts. You didn’t know what to do or what to think. What could you do other than cry, pray and hope for the best? He didn’t have to say it outright, but you knew he was indirectly explaining that your chances of living were very slim. 

You allowed yourself to break down; you didn’t want to cry in front of anyone—especially not Jaebeom. He was already worried as it was—you didn’t need to add on to his problems. When you heard footsteps approaching the door just a couple of minutes after the doctor left, you wiped away your tears and put on the fakest smile you could muster. 

“My baby! I’m so glad you’re finally up—you poor thing. When the hospital called me, I almost ended up passing out myself. What did the doctor say? I told you—you need to take care of yourself better y/n—“

“I’m dying mom. One of my kidneys are failing. He didn’t say why or how—I’m assuming it might be hereditary but there’s nothing I can do other than get a transplant—but he said the list is backed up. There are at least thirty people ahead of me.” 

Right as you finished relaying the news, you could have sworn your heart broke as soon as your mom let out the most gut wrenching sob. Sure, it was already so much for you to take in as the person who was just minutes away from death—but as a mother, hearing that your child is sick must feel like their entire world was falling apart. Besides Jaebeom, your mom was your best friend. She had to be your favorite person in the world; and you were hoping that one day, you’d be even half as an amazing mother to your kids as she is to you. 

She joined you on the bed and pulled you in to her embrace. The two of you just sat there crying for quite some time; you failed to notice Jaebeom walk in nor did you see him walk right out in order to give you and your mom some space. 

“You’re going to be fine y/n okay? I will make sure of it. I’m going to get tested and I’m sure your father would love to see if he’s a match and Jaebeom—“

“No—please—I can’t ask any of you to do such a thing like that for me.” She looked insulted; as if you said something to hurt her feelings but you knew she was just sad. 

“Y/n, I’m your mother—I’ll do anything for you baby girl. I’m not going to lose you—no—not if there’s anything I can do about it. Don’t give up okay? Don’t lose hope. Everything will be okay in the end.” Her fingers felt nice in your hair; her touch was featherlight and she began humming softly while placing a kiss on your cheek. 

“Mom. Can you do me a favor?” She nodded without hesitation. “Please don’t tell Jaebeom. The last thing he needs is to worry about me. He already has so much on his plate. His dying girlfriend should be the last of his worries—“

“Y/n, you can’t be serious right now. I wish I could have recorded just how worried he sounded when I told him you were at the hospital. I’ve never seen someone so in love with another person the way Jaebeom is in love with you. You can’t do that to him—it’s not fair to him. You’re his main priority y/n and think about it like this—what if he was the one who was sick and kept something so important like a failing kidney from you? How would you feel? Devastated right? I’m sure he’ll be broken-hearted if he were to find out when it’s too late. He’s been in your life for such a long time y/n—as your boyfriend, and your best friend, he deserves to hear the truth.” 

You knew she was right—if Jaebeom kept that a secret from you, you’d be so hurt and betrayed. But you felt like you were protecting him by keeping it a secret. 

“Fine I promise I will tell him on my own time. But you need to promise me that you won’t say a thing. Okay?” 

She hesitantly nodded; your mom wasn’t stupid. She knew you just as much and if not more than you knew yourself. No matter how much she would tell you what to do, that didn’t mean you would listen. You were stubborn and hardheaded as hell; you were also the type to suffer in silence by yourself. You didn’t like being a burden to people. 

When you were discharged from the hospital only two days later, Jaebeom forced you to stay with him at his apartment so that he could take care of you. He was afraid that you could collapse again; so he called you out from both your school and your workplace so you had a good amount of time to relax. He also made it a habit to feed you every three hours in order to make sure you were getting as much nutrients as your body needed to survive on. 

A week later, you returned back to your apartment with the excuse that you were feeling better and that you missed the comfort of your own space and hesitantly—he let you. But he got you to promise him that you would text him as much as possible; especially if he wasn’t able to check up on you. It was then that you decided to shut him and anyone out of your life completely. You were stupid to come up with that decision; what good would it do by ignoring everybody in your life. 

Especially the person—your person who meant the entire world to you. If you were dying, you didn’t want to make it harder on anyone; specifically Jaebeom and your parents to spend so much time with them only to pass away sooner than you expected. You cried for what felt like hours when you turned off your phone. You knew that wasn’t going to be enough though; Jaebeom was relentless. He arrived at your apartment just a few hours later—pounding on your door repeatedly while screaming for you to open it. 

Your heart was begging for you to open the door. How could you do this to him? You claim to be shutting him out in order to protect him, yet it was obvious you were breaking his heart. With each pound at your door, you could feel your heart tearing. Why did you fall in love? Why did you allow yourself to get so attached that now you didn’t want to leave even if you didn’t have the choice? You weren’t afraid of death—no. Everybody dies, it’s apart of life. You were afraid of no longer being with Jaebeom. 

No longer getting to see his handsome face or being the reason being his laughter. No longer getting to hold him and be held by him. No longer getting to kiss him and just basking in his existence. Not getting the chance to have a future together—that’s what was hurting you the most. He came by every single day; crying and begging for you to let him in. He told you he had no idea what he did wrong and he thought this was your way of breaking up with him, but he couldn’t understand why. 

Everything was going so well between the two of you just hours before you were administered in to the hospital. Did he say something to upset you? Did you just want to be by yourself right now? Why were you pushing him away when it was obvious that this was the time you needed him the most? You wanted him to hold you as you cried and to tell you everything was going to be okay—even if it wasn’t. 

All you did for the rest of that week other than crying is eat and sleep. You didn’t have the energy nor the motivation to do anything. A week later, you decided to turn on your phone just to make sure nothing bad happened. Seeing over hundreds of texts, calls and voicemails from your boyfriend made you feel like complete and utter shit. You never believed you deserved Jaebeom; even months in to your relationship, you felt as though he deserved someone so much better than you. 

You’ve never hated yourself as much as you did right now. A part of you wanted to read his messages or to listen to one of his voicemails because you missed him like crazy—but you were well aware that it would only make you feel worse. You did notice a number you didn’t recognize call you at least three times and when you listened to the voicemail, you felt as if the entire world stopped. 

“Hi, this message is for Y/n Y/l/n. This is Dr.Kim calling from Queen’s Medical Center. I am excited to inform you that we found a donor for you. Please get back to me as soon as possible. Thank you.” 

You couldn’t believe it—there had to be a catch. Just days ago, he told you that it wasn’t looking too good in your favor but now he said there was a donor for you? Was there thirty other people willing to give their kidneys to those needing a transplant before you? You didn’t want to get too excited; you couldn’t stop your conscience telling you that there was a chance your mom was a match and she offered her kidney. Your initial instinct was to call her first before calling the doctor back, but it’s already been three days. 

If you waited any longer, they could give the kidney to someone else and even if you weren’t too sure if you wanted to accept the transplant, you weren’t going to be rude if someone was already offering it. 

“Hi y/n! How are you? I hope you’re doing well! I’m so excited to say that we found someone with the same blood type as you to donate their kidney. Never in my twenty years of being a doctor have I seen such a case like this—I call it a miracle. I’d recommend you come down to the hospital as soon as you can so we can give you the transplant.” 

You felt overwhelmed—you were undoubtedly content that you were giving the chance to live but you were still curious as to how there was a donor in just a span of a week when some people have been on that list for years. 

“Would you happen to know who the person is whose kidney I’m being given?”

“I have no idea. Sorry. I look forward to seeing you soon y/n. Drive safely.” 

You drank a few cups of water and took a bite out of a sandwich that’s been in your fridge for almost a month now, but you had no appetite at all. As you made your way to the hospital, you found yourself hovering your finger over Jaebeom’s contact. You were given another chance at being able to spend the rest of your life with him—but you fucked it all up. He had to hate your guts for all that you made him suffer through and you couldn’t blame him. 

After you pulled up to the hospital and looked around for doctor Kim, the nurses had you wait in the lobby so they could prepare the surgery table for you. The process didn’t take too long and when doctor Kim came out to explain just how lucky you were to be the recipient of a kidney in such a short amount of time and had the nurses prep you for surgery, you just wanted to get it all over with. The surgery room was extremely bright and you were wearing nothing but a hospital gown. You were told that kidney transplant surgeries took about five to seven hours but because they were putting you on anesthesia, it would feel like five minutes. 

One of the nurses placed the mask on top of your mouth and had you count to ten—but you didn’t even make it to six before passing out completely. Just like the day you collapsed in your lecture hall, you don’t remember falling asleep. It felt good being awake again; but this time was worse than the last. Everything hurt and your mouth felt so dry. Nothing came out of your mouth as you tried to speak up and call for a doctor. 

However, you did feel a pair of hands gripping at your arm and this all felt like deja vu. You were afraid of it being Jaebeom—you didn’t think you deserved for him to come see you and you didn’t think you’d be able to look at him without crying at the thought of how much you’ve broken him. Once you realized it was your mom, you let out a sigh of relief yet you were disappointed it wasn’t your boyfriend. As soon as your mom felt you stirring, she looked up at you and you could’ve sworn her pained expression would be forever imprinted on the back of your mind. 

“Hi mom.” She furrowed her brows before bringing your hand up to her lips and placing a kiss on the back of it. Her expression was quick to change though and before you knew it, she smacked your arm all but gently. 

“You stubborn girl. What is wrong with you? How could you do that to us. You know how worried I was—we all were? What if you were to die huh? There wouldn’t be any way for us to come and get you. You’ve made some pretty stupid choices in your life y/n but this had to be the stupidest thing you could have ever done. And don’t even get me started with the hell you put Jaebeom through. As your mother, I was so mad at you but the poor boy—he thought he did something wrong. He wouldn’t stop blaming himself for something he had no control over—“ You didn’t want to interrupt your mom; especially because she was furious but you needed to know. 

“Where is he?” She stopped her scolding completely as she directed her attention towards anything other than you. 

Oh no. It couldn’t be. 

“Mom. I asked you a question—“

“I think I should go get the doctor and tell him you’re awake—“

“Mom! Answer me! Where is Jaebeom?”

The look of guilt on her face made it all the more adamant that she knew exactly where he was but she didn’t want you to know. She was silent for five minutes; contemplating on how she should go about telling you just how they were able to find you a donor in just a matter of days. 

“I told him.” You looked at her in shock; that was the one thing you did not want her to do. If Jaebeom were to find out about your situation, he wouldn’t hesitate to go and get tested to see if he was a match. 

“I kept it a secret for as long as I could. But when he came over to our house, asking me if I’ve heard from you and if something was wrong—I couldn’t keep lying to him y/n. It was hard for me to look at him, watch him cry and plead to even hear that you were okay; you’re so selfish. I know it was a lot to take in, but I told you we would handle it didn’t I? We’re in this together y/n. Right after I told him, he came here and took the test to see if his kidneys were healthy enough for him to live on just one. You’re both O positive and he didn’t even hesitate to give it to you. He’s still healing but the doctor said he can be discharged tomorrow.” 

All the color drained from your face and you felt like you were going to throw up. Why would he do something so stupid—so foolish; giving away a kidney isn’t something simple like buying someone a gift; or doing their homework for them. This was something he wasn’t able to take back. He was now putting his own health at risk and at what cost? Just so you could live longer? What if this only shortened his life? The doctor said people could survive with only one kidney, but what if his other one failed later on in life? What happens then? 

You wanted to be grateful that he would do such a thing; you obviously meant so much to him that he was willing to give you a part of himself in order to keep you alive. However, you were angry—not so much with him, but this entire situation.

“I can tell you’re overthinking things right now and I just want you to stop. I know that if he was the one dying, you would have done the same thing—so stop. Just be thankful that he did this. Don’t get mad at him; this was already such a big decision for him to make and he made it in a heartbeat. He did this because he loves you y/n. How do you think he would feel seeing you so upset over this as the person who gave you his kidney? Sometimes we do things for the people we love without even a second thought. All we care about is making them happy and keeping them safe. Exactly what Jaebeom did for you. Now, I’m going to go get a doctor, don’t do anything reckless while I’m gone.”

As soon as she left you all alone, you completely fell apart. You ignored him. You lied to him. You tried to leave him and keep him out of your life to protect him from your unfortunate fate yet he gave himself for you. He put his life on the line in order to save yours. Your mom had a point, if it was Jaebeom who needed a kidney, you wouldn’t hesitate to give him yours. With the entire Ella circumstance, although you were hesitant on helping him out for obvious reasons, you gave in because you wanted to help him in any way you possibly could—much like he just did now. 

No matter how many times Jaebeom told you and even showed you how much he loved you, this just set it all in stone. When your mom returned with the doctor and he explained how the healing process worked and what was going to happen now that you had a new kidney, all you wanted to do was find Jaebeom. You wanted to see him yourself and personally thank him for his sacrifice. Your mom told you to get some rest and that she would let you see Jaebeom later, but she knew she wasn’t going to win any argument with you—and you had every right to go and see him. It’s only been a week since you last saw the older boy but it felt like a year—a long, grueling, heartbreaking year. 

As the nurse pushed you in a wheelchair towards his room, there were negative thoughts that began to fill up your mind. Does he regret doing this? What if for some reason one day, we call it quits, is he going to regret it then? What if he wanted nothing to do with you? What if giving you his kidney was his goodbye gift to you? 

Your heart rate only increased as she brought you right outside the door and told you that she wanted to see if he was awake before letting you inside. You weren’t the biggest fan of hospitals; there was one time you tripped and fell in your freshman year and sprained your ankle and you had to stay over two weeks in order to get the surgery and the rest you needed to completely heal. 

The man you were only seconds away from seeing again stayed with you throughout your entire stay. He went to school every morning even if he didn’t want to; but came to be with you as soon as the last bell rang. Even at the prime age of fifteen, Jaebeom always put you first. What did you do to deserve someone who loves you as much as he does? 

“He’s awake now—I didn’t tell him you’re here to see him because I’m sure you want to surprise him. Are you ready?” 

You nodded slowly and took in a deep breath as she wheeled you in to his room. There were countless “get well” balloons and many beautiful bouquets of flowers spread throughout the small space. Jaebeom was a very popular person his entire life—you weren’t surprised to see just how many people were wishing him a speedy recovery. You wondered if anyone knew why he was currently in the hospital. 

As soon as your eyes landed on him, your breath hitched and you wanted to cry again. He currently had so many wires attached to him and there was a couple of bruises on his body; your doctor explained that it was natural for both your bodies to change—especially his since he no longer had both of his kidneys. You wanted nothing more that to hold him and to tell him just how grateful you were for everything; not just for his generosity—although there was no way you’d be able to top this at all, but just for everything he’s done for you since you first became friends. 

“Jaebeom sweetheart, look who came to see you. I’ll give the two of you some space while I go get something for you both to snack on. Just press the help button if you need assistance before I get back.” You kept your eyes on his bed; not wanting to see the way he was looking at you or you would surely break out in tears. 

“Hi.” You began to pick at your fingers out of nervousness. If only you could read minds; you wanted so badly to know what he was thinking. Jaebeom was never a man of words—he preferred actions. You had a feeling he wouldn’t confess even one thought that was going through his mind right now nor did you want to force anything out of him. 

“Hey.” Silence filled the room once you both acknowledged the other’s presence; you didn’t know what to say and with the way he didn’t speak up either—neither did he. 

“How are you feeling?” His question is what got you to finally look at him. He looked exhausted beyond belief and his face was exceedingly smaller and more pale. His eyes were puffy and both his hair and facial hair were growing faster than normal. 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He shrugged and you felt terrible. The two of you were acting as if you were strangers. This was your best friend—the love of your life; your soulmate. Why were you treating him like you had no idea who he was. 

“Jaebeom I don’t know where to start. Well I do—thank you. Thank you so much. I don’t think I will ever be able to repay you. You saved my life—I’m forever indebted to you Im Jaebeom. I hope you know I would have done the same exact thing for you. I know this is a stupid question to ask, especially because I am well aware of what the answer is, I just want to hear you say it—how—why would you do this? Do you understand how big of a sacrifice you made? A kidney isn’t a small thing Jaebeom; people wait years for one—“

“You just answered your own question y/n. How many times do I have to tell you this for you to get it through that pretty yet extremely stubborn head of yours? I would do anything for you. Anything. I’d give my life up for you—you should know that by now. Fuck—I hated being away from you and I hated that you were trying to push me away. I of all people should have been the first person you ran through. I’m your boyfriend and your best friend y/n. You should feel like you’re able to come and tell me things like this. Especially a life or death situation. What did you think was going to happen if you stayed away huh? What good was that going to do? I honestly don’t know what I would do if I were to lose you. I know—giving away a kidney is a big deal but I didn’t care about anything in that moment. Your mom told me you didn’t want me worrying about you and that’s why you kept it between yourselves—but how could I not worry? It’s not just your future we’re talking about it’s mine too. What, did you think everything would be fine and dandy if you were to die? You’re crazy for even thinking that I wouldn’t want to do this for you. I did it for you and for us—so I can have you for so many more years to come. I love you y/n—so much that it actually scares me but not in a bad way if that makes sense.” 

You moved closer to him and tried your best to get up from your wheelchair in order to join him on the bed. You were sure that if you were to look in the mirror right now—you’d see just how his words practically wrecked you. He laughed softly to himself when he saw you struggle and took matters in to his own hands; he slowly got up and reached for your hand, pulling you towards him and you didn’t even give him a second to make himself comfortable before connecting your lips with his in a passionate kiss. He smiled widely against your mouth. Since he was still pretty lethargic and not quite himself just yet, he had to stop the kiss from escalating any further, no matter how badly he wanted to continue feeling your lips on his. 

“I’ve missed you. Don’t ever do that to me again. Just for that, I hope you know I’m forcing you to move in with me so that I can keep my eye on you. I don’t know why we didn’t move in together sooner, there’s nothing I want more than to go to sleep with you wrapped in my arms and to wake up to your beautiful face and stinky morning breath.” 

You gave him a small pout at his words before nodding in agreement. The idea of moving in with Jaebeom sent fire to your bones. You were more than happy to be able to share a space with him—you always wanted to be around him. The two of you only spent most of your time together at each other’s places, so it only made sense that you both moved in together. You placed a soft kiss on his bottom lip before bringing your hand up just above his eyebrow; tracing his two moles that you adored so much ever so gently. 

“I just didn’t want to end up hurting you if something were to happen to me. As soon as the doctor told me the news, my mind went blank and you were the first person I thought of. I cried at the thought of having to leave you and I thought it would be easier for you to get used to living without me—“

“Well you thought wrong—“ You gently slapped his shoulder before placing a few pecks on his lips.

“Hey, I let you talk without interrupting you. Now let me speak. I was devastated when I heard that my chances of living were slim. It was like there was no hope for me and I didn’t want to get your hopes up either. I’m sure nobody wants to die, especially at such a young age but I was more afraid of no longer having you around and what would happen to you if something did happen to me to even care about what goes on after we die. I can’t even form a plausible sentence to describe how thankful I am that you did this. Thank you for loving me Jaebeom. Thank you for just being you. I can’t even tell you how much your sacrifice means to me. I never once questioned your love for me; you never fail to remind me that you’re so madly in love with me and trust me when I say this, I love you with every fiber of my being—with every single breath that I take. You’re the reason for my existence Jae. To be able to love you and be the extremely lucky person who gets to be loved by you is something I will always be grateful for. You are an extraordinary human being. People like you only come one in a lifetime. I love being able to wake up every morning knowing that you are my person. I don’t say it as much as I should and I’m going to work on that. I want to be a better girlfriend because it’s what you deserve. But I will do anything in my power to show you that my heart is yours. That I am wholeheartedly and irrevocably in love with you.”

When you saw tears building up at the corner of his eyelids, you had to stifle back a laugh. It took a lot for Jaebeom to cry; he wasn’t a sensitive guy so it did melt your heart seeing him so worked up over the thought of no longer having you in his life. God, you were so in love with him. How did you stay away from him for even just a week? You had to be insane. This entire situation made it crystal clear for you—no matter what happened in your life, there was no way you could ever be without Im Jaebeom. 

“A life without you is a life I never want to live. If my kidney ends up failing later down the road—then I’ll dying knowing I gave my life to save yours. To keep you around. I’d give you my heart if you needed it—you’re the owner of it anyway. I wanted to do this for so many reasons baby and I would do it again and again if I had to. It’s you and me for life y/n—I’m yours forever. Oh, and I just want to let you know that I plan on using the fact that you now have one of my kidneys to my advantage just to get on your nerves. If I’m hungry and I want you to make me something—just remember, I gave you my kidney. And this goes for anything else. If there’s only one cookie left or I want to choose a movie for us to watch—my organ is what’s keeping you alive. Think of it this way, you’ll always have a part of me inside of you even if I’m not physically inside of you. I hope you know once we’re both released and completely healed that I expect you to show me just how grateful you are while on your knees—okay I obviously made the wrong decision, give me back my kidney.” 

You gave him the most adorable scowl to which he placed a long, sloppy kiss on your lips and pulled you closer to his body as humanly possible. You’ve missed being in his arms, it’s when you felt the safest and the most at ease. Im Jaebeom in more or less words was an actual angel sent to you to take care of you and you were going to spend the rest of your life showing him just how over the moon you were to call him yours. 

“All jokes aside baby, you mean everything to me y/n and I can’t wait to see what life has in store for us.”

[lefttigerobservation]

killing eve 4x02 spoilery thoughts.

oh ice cream lady...... i was wondering but it turns out it's HELENE. EVE BAHA

why is she lowkey giving the french foreigner vibes. EVE WITH THE BRAID OMW OMW. helene queer vibes??? THAT'S SO FKN FUNNY MW

oh the cinematography....... yes. those glass panels.

villanelle loving the butterfly is so sweet waa. so delicate. i am dying over her trying to "repent" to may ft concerned father phil

oh nelle's tent <333 phil is mad. just a bit. is she hallucinating jesus??? spiritual guru wtf??? she must have laughed so hard doing this. YOU IN DRAG BAHA

no he is so not threatened by you babe.

i thoroughly believe jesus would not slap her ass. worrying.

her logic is so warped baby but i get Why.

what weird flattery nelle. she got the spirit at least.

is eve PINING BABY??

i love how eve is absolutely using this man. laughing. i'm so sorry yusuf

oh so he knows about the axe murdering???? the knowing words. too many of em.

oh eve is cocky,,, eve beloved. she looks at the fish mw. what is she doing???? feeding them?? or what?

I'm worried more about may by the minute lol. BAHA THE SCREAMING?? WAIT DRAG VIL JESUS

JUVENILE FOR ME BAHAHAH. did the screaming even help?? the way they cut to eve so suddenly. THE THERAPIST.

WHY IS HE CHUGGING

CANNIBAL??

he admits. oh my word. he admits to wanting the thing. more a them than a you crying,,,, "oh yknow she's a christian now." LAUGHING

reinvention; avoidance. EVE

midlife crisis bc of swimming?? love how carolyn is just vibing

"what an awful flirt" What. are they playing trivia? what is this. hugo chaos

they are all So Done. so so done.

oh no vill do not make her question her life. bad. questionable times

HE KILLED HER MOTHER????? oh shit it was a crash. shit. wow

she is still so confused by emotions mw

WHY HI*LER??? OF ALL PEOPLE

worrying..... may beloved im so sorry about her. the moment this music creepily comes in i WORRY. OH NO VILLANELLE WHAT

the sausages again. terrible terrible terrible

JESUS IS MAD? oh apparently not lmfao

wait so is she not... the evil in their midst

oh villanelle baby. i am worried. it's in the past? yeah i mean i get that but still.

oh british christians are like this okay!! i mean i get it!!

villanelle :[

what is up with the moscow safehouse being so very horrible

DEAD RAT???

of course she wants steak. oh babe is she okay?  DRAGON TATTOO cry

she is terrifying but also so scared. yusuf is such a chaotic supporter.

ohhhhhh threatening carolyn.

"you haven't got the neurons" BAHA

they...... killed the.... SHE. WHAT. carolyn is not doing well at all is she. but i suppose none of them are.

watch her absolutely crumble under this all i want to hug and punch them all

NO EVE DON'T DO IT. DON'T

EVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

i thought this would be her church but it's not. not even.

SHE EXPECTED HER?? oh they are intimidating each other,,,,, no wonder.

SHEPERD'S PIE OH MY WORD

women beloved but also this is such a women show. oh....... make them pair up....... make them. make them do it. IS SHE HURTING EVE WTF HOW DARE SHE. OH SO SHE'S THE ONE THAT'S BEEN DOING IT not surprised. only if i let it.....

ofc this is a helene thing omwwwwww i'm not surprised whatsoever. they are so willing to humanise them all it is so NUANCED. EVE IS SO NOT WILLING BAHA

this feels so..... hintey. YES EVE'S FRENCH BAHA. YES EVE.

OH THEY REALLY SAID PAIR UP. the Snap as she caught it........ helene n eve drama......

her hand!!!!! no!!!!! she looks like she's gonna full-on.

NO SHE'S KILLING THEM WTF????? AND THE JESUS DRAG????

WTFFFF. am wondering what the pushing boundaries ep will be but WTFFFF.

who is this jesus drag character then. WHY ARE THEY KISSING WHAT

HOW IS NO ONE AWAKE?? I REPEAT: HOW???? OH EVE KNOWS. PAM??? VILLANEVE CONTENT??? brb. am gonna die in the meantime time to forage tumblr tags.

(and the screw you song???)

[apenapaperandadoofus]

What Disney character would the RFA members be?

Yessss! I actually love this so much, I adoreeee Disney 🥺 I’ll add V and Saeran too! Btw this is just my opinion!

Also I for some reason did way to much research on this? Like?? I dunno lmao I got super into it pfttt

And if you want to add some other characters and stuff, feel free to do so!

RFA+ V and Saeran as Disney characters:

Zen:

Ya boi it’s Flynn Rider! First of all, they’re both super flirty lmao, and it’s just, you cannot tell me that Zen isn’t Flynn like holy shit! They’re both ambitious, and when they care for someone they will do whatever they can to protect them. Both Flynn and Zen have sad pasts who make them who they are now, aaandddd! They also have different names! Just wanted to point that out lmao.

If he were to be another one I’d say Pirince Naveen, from Princess and the Frog. They’re both super playful, and want to have fun, and they also really care deeply for people close to them!

And to add another one: Aurora! Both of them are elegant and hopeless romantics!

Yoosung:

Our sweet child Yoosung is Anna from Frozen!

Both of them are sweethearts, and they really want to find someone they can spend the rest of their lives with! At the same time, even though they may be a bit naïve, they’re both pretty brave! I mean (spoiler for Yoosung’s Route) the poor boi literally got his eye hurt for MC, and no matter what he insisted on going to Mint Eye with Seven. Both of them also really care about family, and they’re super loyal to them and everyone around them.

Another thing, it’s that both Yoosung and Anna are super playful, and bubbly! So I honestly think Yoosung would just be Anna. Imagine him singing love is an open door tho, that’d be fucking adorableeeeee

Jaehee:

Tiana, from Princess and the Frog!

First of all, they’re both so similar with the work a little harder theme, like honestly that’s all they ever do! They’re both super workaholic, which may sometimes get in the way for spending time with family and friends. Both Tiana and Jaehee are super intelligent and strong women! And they’re always there to help their friends. Honestly Jaehee and Tiana are queens 👑

And they both are passionate with something to do with food! Jaehee with her coffee shop and Tiana with her restaurant, so I think they’re just super similar.

Jumin:

Alright listen! So when I was doing this I mostly do it on similarities on personality and such, and for Jumin both Belle and Jasmine seem the most similar

First of all, Jasmine! Both Jumin and Jasmine are in a role where they have to be the perfect heir. While Jasmine rebels against it in various ways, Jumin is more subtle about it. Whenever his father tries a new business idea because of a woman he met, Jumin firmly tells his father no. Even when Sarah Choi or whatever her name is (fuck herrrr lmao) is supposed to get married to him, Jumin yeets her and goes nope. They both care deeply about what they’re supposed to be ruling (?) over, Jumin with his company and Jasmine with her kingdom. And lastly, they both care deeply for their friends and family, and would do anything for them!

Now with Belle, Jumin loves reading. That’s a thing they have in common, and the both of them are super smart, and love learning about new things. Like Belle, he doesn’t have many friends, and is pretty confident, Iike our boy Jumin ;)

Saeyoung:

Peter Pan

But not the animated one, it’s the one we all had a crush on when it was like 2003, this Peter Pan:

It’s absolutely perfect. Both him and Peter are super playful, they like joking around and just you know, living the high life.

But at the same time they’re both scared of their feelings. At one point, when Peter Pan and Wendy are dancing (best scene ever btw) Wendy asks Peter about his feelings, and Peter yells that no, he doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings and that he has none. He tells her that in the end everything was pretend and he doesn’t want to grow up, or admit his feelings for Wendy.

It’s like when Saeyoung was pushing away the MC, so they wouldn’t catch feelings for him. He wants to ignore his emotions and he feels they are useless. Also the gif above it’s perfect for my sweet child it’s adorable lmao.

There’s also Aladdin, because they’re both playful but they can be serious at times!

V:

Now for our boy V! I choose Tarzan and Elsa! Now you may be wondering, Amanda, what the hell?

Well let me explain!

First of all Elsa! (Ignoring the whole Let It Go part of course lmao) Both Elsa and Jihyun have had super traumatic experiences. V with Rika, and Elsa with literally almost killing her sister. Due to that, they both isolate from their friends and loved ones, to protect them. Elsa to protect them from her power, and V does it to protect them from Rika and Mint Eye. They both only want the best for their loved ones, and they don’t care if they have to sacrifice themselves. Jihyun and Elsa are scared of hurting those around them, Jihyun doesn’t want anyone in the RFA to be involved with Rika, to get hurt. That’s why I think Elsa and V are just super similar. They both repress how much they’re suffering on the inside, and they are always the ones acting as a shield for the rest. (Also it’s part of perfect because Yoosung is Anna holy crap Frozen/Mystic Messenger au????)

Now for Tarzan, of course it’s not everything that’s similar, but one thing they have in common is that they care deeply for family, no matter what. Even when Tarzan is being shunned by gorilla dad (or Yoosung -oh damn-) because he says that he’s not part of the family, Tarzan still does whatever he can to protect them.

Saeran:

Now, since our boy is actually like 6 boys (Unknown, Ray, Suit, Saeran GE, Saeran SE, and Saran Judge and Forgive)

So I did the ones in another story and Saeran post SE!

Ray: So! Our boy Ray reminds me so much of Rapunzel from Tangled! Both Ray and Rapunzel are both being kept in a tower (Ray’s tower being Mint Eye.) They’re both smart and creative, and well, they’re loyal (except to Saeyoung lmao.) I feel like Ray is also pretty artistic (he made the cute little emojis for himself and everything, just adorableeeee.) I honestly totally forgot about a Disney character that doesn’t want to be abandoned (maybe Jessie?) because Ray is scared of other people leaving him.

Now Suit! He was my favorite to do :P

He is The Beast! First of all, they’re both hot headed and they’re mad all the time, but beneath all that, they’re both hurting and lonely. Honestly I need a freaking AU of Suit Saeran as the beast, they’re just so similar! Even though they may seem distant and grumpy, they care about the MC in the same way. When the beast saw that Belle was actually pretty sad and everything, he got her a room (I mean he did feel pretty sad you could see it in his little face :( ) and Saeran actually tries to postpone the MC’s Mint Eye ceremony because he actually cares a lot about them (awww)

And for GE Saeran: I just see him as Pocahontas. They’re both mature, kind and loving, but they still have a playful side to them. Also they both love nature, and they are pretty smart. Good Ending Saeran just reminds me so much of Pocahontas honestly, because Saeran can be serious when he needs to, but he is also pretty mischievous and playful (I love the call where he’s like “HA got you to say what I wanted lmao”)

And now, SE Saeran: He reminds me of Kristoff.

At the beginning of the film, Kristoff is actually pretty selfish, and is uninterested on Anna’s stuff lmao. He’s a loner, and pretty cold (you know that’s what ice does to you pft) but he actually cares deeply about his family and friends, and he does have an actual fun side to him! Saeran in the SE is a loner too, he mostly shuts himself off and doesn’t really like to socialize (me thoooo) but even though he acts distant and like he doesn’t give a fuck, Saeran actually does give a fuck. He secretly cares about MC, his brother and maybe even the RFA members, even if he doesn’t show it. He is also pretty cold, and fiesty.

Bonus:

Since Hamilton is on Disney+ now, technically they’re all Disney characters so here are the RFA members as Hamilton characters, like imagine if they were to do the musical this would be the roles they’d get (also I won’t elaborate on my choices pft) oh and for the MC’s here’s a little guide just in case lmao

MC 1: Brown hair, no eyes the one and only lmao

Mc 2: Blonde hair, (I feel like she’s a Karen but don’t tell her I said that)

MC 3: red curly hair, she’s actually pretty hot like wtffff

MC 4: short hair, she’s the one that would be done with everyone’s bs lmao

MC 5: the beautiful unicorn pony thing lmao

Now, Hamilton:

Hamilton: Zen

Aaron Burr: Jumin

John Laurens/ Phillip: Saeran

LAFAYETTE/Thomas Jefferson: Saeyoung, yes Saeyoung

HercULES MULLIGAN: I dunno, MC 5 probably pft

Angelica: Saeyoung once again (he FOUGHT for the role alright?)

Eliza: Yoosung

And Peggy: MC 1

George Washington: Jaehee (hell yeah)

Charles Lee (I’m a general WHEEE): Rika fuck her pft

James Maddison: MC 2

Mariah Reynolds: Saeyoung once again, it was supposed to be MC 3 but Saeyoung pulled some strings and became Mariah Reynolds at the last minute and when Zen finds out after the whole ‘Say No to This’ he is triggered and is about to kill him

James Reynolds: MC 4

And that’s all I remember for now lmao, hope you enjoyed it :D

[mw-draws]

Fugitive of the Judoon rewatch time babey

oh no

"don't lie to us" oof

"the master" OOF

13 taking with the master's theme playing over >>>>>>>>>

:(((((((

"why? why not with us?"

"cause you ask too many questions!" jesus doc

"Judoon?" "you just saying that to shut us up?" fuck sake Graham skhskjs

"Judoon platoon. near the moon" her dedication to this joke is fucking sending me. I love her.

most inspiring quote of the episode "BO"

oh no, the wee old lady

rip blanket I guess

"language - human" I mean, okay

oof, rip

let Graham eat his cake, mans just wanna eat.

one day, Graham O'brien will get a chance to eat

"look at you and your platoon of Judoon near the.... that lagoon" well done

"more of a canal" yaz, let her try

"that article is overwritten by local earth law... 12" good try

"we can sort this, woman to woman" you what

AHHH

"HAHA, MISSED ME, RIGHT?" YES I HAVE JACK, IT'S BEEN 10 LONG, LONG YEARS. I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

love how graham's immediate reaction to getting kissed by Jack was "have we met?" bi Graham rights

Graham O'Bien

kshdkdhd Jack talking about Ibiza 13

got, Gat is hot

how much do you wanna bet she's an AU version of the Corsair?

Ryan and Jack? I ship it

"like biological cloaking" you'd think she'd maybe connect the dots

"you received a message just before you changed into Jackie Chan" KJKKDHDJDHIDHD 13 IS ON A ROLL

nanogenes, hell yeah

bring back Jack PLEASE

he's just returned, I know, BUT HE JUST FUCKS OFF AGAIN

the fact that 13 and Jack don't actually meet is a crime against the universe and must be rectified

"to defeat them, the alliance sent this thing back through time, across space" what, what thing, Jack, what thing? you can't JUST LEAVE WHAT THING? WHO'S THE ALLIANCE?! JACK, DON'T GO

God, Jodie looks so hot in this car. what is it with her being in cars and looking amazing?

I get Broadchurch vibes from 13 on that lighthouse

"those are Danny's trainers!"

DUDE THE BREAK GLASS THING HAS GALLIFREYAN WRITING ON IT

I swear, theres a few motifs from This Is Gallifrey when Ruth becomes the Doctor and I ADORE IT

I'm still as confused as 13 at this point WTFFFF

"all rainbows and trousers that don't reach" she really called 13 out for being a walking pride flag skhdkdj

"trust me, I'd remember, especially if I had that shirt" POP OFF BITCH LSHDKDH

13 acting as if she knows any fashion,, bitch, who you fooling?

she's got to be an AU doctor, it doesn't make any sense otherwise

this Gat lady and 13 should bang

skhdkdhd

oh no 13,stop being sad please oh fuck

"so you're only serving at the glory of Ash and bone" HOLY SHIT

"BUT YOU KNEW SHE WOULD" ooof, angry!13, yes please

hnhgg angry 13

nooo, 13's so sad, I can't deal with this.

STOP THIS

OH GOD SHE'S SO BROKEN SOMEONE HUG HER OR I'LL FUCKING DO IT

"ha.. that's Jack..." PLEASE

ohhh I'm not ready for the cyberman ep

either Bill will get mentioned or she'll be forgotten about and I really don't want the latter

chibs, the Doctor wouldn't forget Bill just like that

"Ryan... I've lived for thousands of years, so long I've lost count. I've had so many faces, how long have you been here? you don't know me, not even a little bit" JESUS, 13 REALLY ISN'T FEELING IT

when will we get 13 saying that's she's killed thousands, if not millions of people

omg, let 13 shoot someone PLEASE

nah, but I'm really loving this new insight to the fam. 13's been nothing but rude to them and it's understandable, she's been through so much shit, but deserting your fam to mope over your dead planet and snapping at them ain't it chief. PLEASE, get some help. get a hug, something, please.

"oi, don't talk to Ryan like that!" fukcing go off yaz

this is the conflict I've been needing yeeeaaassss

Jodie Whittaker fucking kills it every time. she's so fucking good as the Doctor, I love her so much.

"nEED SOME HELP OVER HEEeEeeRReEEe!" I'm sorry but that fucking kills me everytime ldhxldhxkdh

anyway, this ep was amazing, 9/10

so far me it's been

Spyfall Pt 1 - 9/10

Spyfall Pt 2 - 8/10

Orphan 55 - 7.5/10

Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror - 8.5/10

Fugitive of the Judoon - 9/10

every episode just slaps in one way or another, this series is so good. absolutely God tier

[brokutoforever]

Ah, you started so recently! It makes sense. I started watching when season 3 aired and no way I was waiting years for next season. I started reading the manga then. It has some details that the anime doesn't have and I find it very interesting. aaaanyway how about you tell me about Atsumu too.

Haha, I see. I will read the manga after the anime to look for the details uwu.

So for Atsumu

For physical appearance:

Okay, there's not really that much to talk about here, he just looks good in general

See? Maybe it's the smirk or maybe the fact that he's just hot ( omg in the second picture, he looks like a fox owo )

Now the real part (i"ll start getting emotional so prepare yourself)

I've seen so many posts about Atsumu being an asshole, a jerk and all other shit.

Like yeah, he is actin' like a bitch, but let's be real here. There's so much more in his character than the "stupid asshole, who only knows how to lie, insult and play volleyball".

I think he genuinely cares about his teammates even though he treats them like shit. I don't say that it's right to do so. But I guess everyone has their own way in things (wtffff he is not even real)

It's the same for Osamu. His connection with Osamu is really deep. He finds comfort in (his food) him. Look at this scene:

And that scene leads to another fact about Atsumu. His desire to improve is something that always amazes me. I love him because of that. He always gives his all, no matter what, because he wants to improve. He wants to be better. And you know what? I think he acts like shit because of it. I have the feeling that every time his team loses, he blames no other but himself. When his expectations don't meet the "cruel" reality he blames himself and I can relate. I think in the inside he is actually hmmm, scared? Scared from losing. Scared from being unable to improve at one point. Yeah, he is an annoying brat, but people like him always have a reason for their attitude (not all people have reasons . I want to believe it though)

These are just theories. People can portray him in whatever way they want. I just....want to find something? Idk, that sounds so strange, but I love Atsumu's character so much. Furudate is a genius and he puts so much thought into his characters hehe.

Anyways, I love Atsumu and.....I love him. That's it heheh.