#hi im not dead yet i guess
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#ts4#hi im not dead yet i guess#tinkering with sumahama even though i have no plans to use it just bc i'm bored#credit to pearlean for the idea to use halftone in lieu of film grain! it's pretty cool#i don't think i'll keep it but with the right combo of relight it's a neat trick for making the game look like an oil painting
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one of my favorite things about unmasked spy is that he has such a peculiar hair pattern with his little gray wings. like if he grew a white streak he could be the next administrator.
also engie is here 👍
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 spy#spy tf2#napoleon complex#engiespy#practical espionage#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustration#mine#my art#the HARD HAT STAYS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also the last doodle is somewhat of a sneak peak of . you guessed it. yet another tf2 fic im working on huhuhuhu#i suppose this outfit is just his normal jacket with a skirt n turtleneck added#something something spy gets to wear both team colors something#i want him DEAD#IN A DITCH
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Punk’s Glasgow Photos
#everyone's been losing their mind over this ppv and yet he's just been out and about vibing in glasgow without a care in the world#love that he's still wearing his bracelet 24/7#also love that even tho he hasn't found a rat or dead animal to photograph#I think he just likes “scruffy” animals the best#also i assume that flag in the caption was a scottish one but Im doing this on pc cos otherwise i can't upload 10 images at once#and i guess my laptop doesn't understand all the flag emojis#cm punk
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i think my old guy Panther is gonna end up crossing the 🌈bridge soon... he's been pretty sick recently and looks wiped out tbh and i'm not gonna keep him alive if it turns out he's in a lot of pain and the outlook is bad. trying to be optimistic.
#discussion of pet death#he's not dead yet but im really worried that he's not gonna hang up much longer the way he is rn#i think he has a respiratory infection and its just taken him down so many pegs#its been 11 years since i got him and if 14 is as far as he made it then i think thats not too bad#im just really upset i guess#grandpa panther the mighty mouser the 4th the 2nd the first of his name#and the only
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.
I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.
#speculation nation#negative/#kind of. i guess.#the thing about grief is that it really just never ends.#so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on.#but it's not that simple. of course it's not.#but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care?#honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers#but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all#i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed.#and i dont know when im going to be that person again.#there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation.#i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath.#i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all.#either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now#(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.)#or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame#or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence)#ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice.#but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible.#making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here.#theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die.#i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again.#i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way.#it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save.#but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back#and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now.#i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.
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The marines calling Roger the worst man of the world is something but considering ace renounced him and luffy kinda blindly admires him bc we don't really know much about what he has done past his travels....
#like i know he wasnt but why then#bc he opposed th government and thats it#and now theyre going to kill his son just because they can#also surprised the d came from aces mother (well considering what she could do...) but i really thought it was bc of roger#even if they keep writing gold roger and not gol d roger but alas#tbh idk if thats just a theory or it has been confirmed but im not there yet#also i wanna know more about aces mom#and the fukcing bubbles of saboady keep haunting me!!!!!!#why is the people so sure that roger was bad what happened#and why is rayleigh alive if rogers family is dead like damn#also fuck!!! the marines know about dragon being luffys dad when iva san said to keep ot quiet!!! because of fucking garp!!!!#like lets kill rogers son but dragons is alright i guess#not like i want luffy to die but considering the revolutionary army you know#a newborn doesnt carry any sins just as boats arent good or evil. thats what im talking about#there arent any love stories in one piece and like i get it but it would be nice to know why ace was even born you know#OH ACE LOOKS LIKE HIS MOTHER OOOOOOHHHHH... THATS A DEATH SENTENCE#he has his mothers eyes what if i shit and cry and throw up#this is sickening also#the hunting pregnant women#the orange clouds looking like fire when ace is born. what if i start to sob#nono gol d ace now.... so they are both d names.... is that like a curse because damn...#also ace being held by his mom with the orange clouds behind again..... i am telling you he is like jesus christ you wouldnt get it#mary did you know your womb was also a tomb etc etc#god.... rogers rivals raising his son. whitebeard wanting him to become pirate king.... his rival's son... old men do not make me cry#buggy opening the doors like moses lmao#ace surprised whitebeard is coming for him.... and not believing luffy came for him either#that was good i cant wait to see more flashbacks but how many episodes will we be here until the thre hours are past. i fear for aces knees#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 460
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im never gonna be normal about that!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!
#yes this is about the dp still alive video#that fucking song is so perfect and the movement in everything and phantom being expressionless until he pulls danny forward and#the fucking ELECTROCUTION#SAM HUGGING HIM AT THE END#the EXPRESSIONS#godddddddd god god god god god okay. okay!!!!#i was in the middle of typing up a huge nhw postbbut now i want to talk about dannt phantom. guys can we talk about danny phantom#ohhhh my goddddddd dude#i need 2 go on a tirade about phantom and fenton being different guys but also the same guy and .#how fucking empty danny becomes anytime he gives up his powers and the . realization that youre dead (partially)#and coming to terms with that and using it for good and suddenly you have this huge responsibility on your shoulders#but its okay because your best friends have been there with you since the beginning and they will continue to be with you.#and you dont know it yet but your sister has your back too and shes doing her best to cover for you and keep it from your parents#because neither of you know how they will react if they find out youve HEARD how they talk about ghosts and-#AUAGAHHHH#dp#blahblahblah#okay i think im normal now. back to. mark winters i guess -_-
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I have to ask WHY on earth did they turn Flannery into a goldfish??? What did he do to them to make them want to Literally Curse Him??
man. thats a good question. let's see if i have an answer JFKLDSKFLJDS
i'll be real a lot of it was me kinda winging it improv style - i should probs clarify [im not sure how clear i am on artfight lol] that moooost of my non twst characters are like, from a roleplay thing my friend and i do in google docs together kfdsjfl so thats where flannerys from. and then sometimes, plotlines and characters stem from an idea on a whim - like originally i had an idea for flannery to be a lost prince that was turned into a fish by like, enemy hitmen or sometihing.
and tbh that makes more sense than family betrayal LOL but i thiiiiiiiiiink i swapped it to son of a politician and also an influencer [cries lol] because it fit the 'modern au' better. modern fantasy. whatever. also we do have a separate au googledoc universe that IS royalty themed so maybe one day he will be a missing prince there teehee
ok anyway sorry i havent answered your actual question i got distracted lol. so aside from half of it being me coming up with shit on the fly and being kind of bad at storytelling klsjfkdshf the IN UNIVERSE ANSWER is like, flannery kinda just doesnt have a good relationship with his family - his parents suck and flannerys not a "useful asset" and is also the product of infidelity. so it's like, he's not going to be a powerful politician or business guy, he's not good on camera, and also theres this unspoken secret of him being someone else's son <- i think my idea here was like, the father is Aware his wife was having an affair and that flannery isnt his kid but neither of them have Spoken Of It because blah blah keeping up appearances a divorce would be a scandal whatever. you know how it is with traditional family values 😒
and i think i have also just watched a lot of youtube videos covering family vlogger scandals/ also just regular vlogger scandals, and sometimes that shits just wild LOL so i was like ok. politician dad doesnt like or care about this kid, vlogger mom sees his disappearance as months worth of content to milk lol. so they hired someone to Get Rid Of Him - i cant remember if they... planned the fish part. maybe. i guess so? the plan tho was just have him turned into a fish that would probably get eaten and act like he got kidnapped or ran away and then announce hes dead later.
flannery's got an older brother that shows up at his school and is like, a clone of their mom, in that hes like "omg theres this GUY HERE who is PRETENDING to be my DEAD BROTHER i need to live stream this." and then something something their relation was proved and he pivoted immediately to "oh wowwww my poor sweet brother i cant BELIEVE our parents tried to cover you up like this wow i missed u so much let's be besties [lie]"
so anyway. there kind of isnt that a good reason besides drama + theyre in a magical setting and i thought it was fun LOL. flannery's one of my much newer characters so i havent had a lot of time to fully flesh out his character yet. he's a lil one note right now and i need to figure him out a bit more to make him,,,, actually interesting,,, but. ���
#asks#sorry u asked me a question and i spit out like 8 paragraphs of not really answering kfjdsfklJKDFJKLSDJG#oc: flannery#me opening my inbox: oh man true why DID they do that. bc they suck i guess. KLFJSKLDJFDKLSJF#SORRY i know it's not that exciting and it's kind of cliche as hell#but i am goofing in my sand box and also throwing things at the wall til i find what sticks#fallon [the brother] is a whole other thing he showed up and is just So Annoying and loves to lie lol#theres also this other guy nazari who is like. well not their childhood friend but he knows them both bc their dads used to work together#fallon and flannerys dad was nazaris dads work rival or some shit and got him fired <- i do NOT have details on that i keep it vague#On PURPOSE lol anyway now nazaris like well. i want revenge. im going to kidnap flannery. arent you supposed to be dead#he was like ok the family is acting like hes dead but clearly he is At My School and Not Dead im gonna kidnap him for ransom money or w/e#i cant really remember what his full plan was bc that plan got derailed by other characters klsdfjdsjlfj#but also fallons in love with him. i think my secret plotline for them in the royalty au is that nazari and flannery are arranged marriage#princes or some shit idk that hasnt happened yet i just drew something one(1) time#listen i turn everything into a soap opera. fanfiction. google docs roleplay#originally these google docs were like our pseudo dnd with rolls and stuff but then they just became mostly roleplay oc story time LOL#sometimes characters have college parties other times they discover they are a demigod. u know how it is.#ok sorry i dont think anyones gonna read all this i just love to ramble to myself lol#'sorry the reply was so long' [writes just as much in the tags doubling the length of the reply] OOPS OOPS OOPS SORRY BYE
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every day i'm tempted to go back to Metal Flowers (my knives!Hanakaki kanej fic) and edit the like two lines where the cure condition is described as feelings being reciprocated, into the cure condition being feelings confessed, and change nothing else
#the only reason i havent done it yet i guess is that it feels weird to make what's technically a big plot change on something published?#but like. it would truly be just two lines changed#and its SO much funnier to have kaz coughing up blood in the attic pissed at his own impending dead#and refusing to even acknowledge the one (1) thing he needs to do to safe his own life because it means recognizing his own emotions#like even in that published draft it was never 'gosh im mad i'm gonna die because she'd never love me'#it was 'i cant believe im dying for such a stupid reason and letting inej down and i havent even killed pekka yet'#like truly nothing really changes in this updated concept except kaz's emotional constipation is what almost kills him#AND the flowers arent 'inej loves him back so he's saved' but#'inej has enough emotional intelligence to realize what he was accidentally saying even though HE doesn't even'#im so funny y'all sometimes my brain does a good and this fic was one of them
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reading a horror book that full has my heart beat THUNDDRING in my ears ah!!!!!!! i wanted to read it during my infusion tomorrow but they do heart rate tests and this will NOT fly
#IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN HE DREAMED HE CAUGHT A FISH AND REELED IT IN AND IT WAS HIS DEAD WIFE WITH FISH EYES !!!!!!!#LIKE THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT !!!!!! THATS HORROR BABY THATS WHAT I WANNA BE READING !!!!#and it was that moment when ur reading and. theres only onepossible thing that can happen. even though its so unhinged. and other media has#let you down. time and time again.#'theres no way its going to be his wife hooked by her top lip midway transformed into a fish. i wish it was.' and then it IS!!!!!!! AND THEN#HER SKIN COMES OFF!!!!!!!! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i feel like this book just yes and-ed my horror daydreams#and i loveeeee how 'jaws' paced it is like#slow establishing full of past tense dread filled narration about how thisonw guy WILL die and it will be horrific. no i wont give you more#detail yet.#like. im eating it up feeling it in my heart and soul ready to read more but not during my iv infusion tomorrow i guess :/#i will read babel instead bc that one is also just SO good#reading tag
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I'm finishing up the script for that lil comic about how Cadfael and Monty met and have officially decided to do that thing Elden Ring does where you can tell who's related to who based on their names but in a Much stupider way.
#Maddox and Majella can both be surnames#Specifically so they can also have the 'is that your first or your last name?' bit when they introduce themselves as Montgomery#Cassidy and Calvin are too but thats just bc i couldn't be fucked to change the search terms when i was trying to find names for them#Calvins name was almost just ' irrelevant' bc he has no lines in this comic and is there to sorta smile and look pretty and like. be there#i forgot about Merrick in the original draft too. but tbh im considering cutting him lest his existence accidentally implies the#king and queen are siblings#but I guess I can also throw in an extra line about Maddox training guards for many families?#Tbh i might imply Merrick is dead if i do that to really drive home the whole#'maddox is training orphans to be meat shields for the wealthy' thing tm.#he didn't even name the 1 kid he acquired who wasnt pre named.#like dont get me wrong#Maddox Loves the kids he trains. He adores them and absolutely thinks of every single one as his children. Hes still a bitch ass#fairy? Idk what Maddox is but hes selling children and training them to be willing to die for a more important child#Loves his kids. Fucked up guy. Maddox#Caspian doesn't exist yet im the comic so I dont have to figure a guard out for him until later#tbh (Caspians guard) Merrick and Majella all kinda exist to get fucked over and die as fire monster to kick off Cadfael's downward spiral#The king and queen also are just there to die but they die After the spiral starts
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Ive only just gotten past Reno's first scene, the conflict at the church, so idk if I got a good first impression of his remake voice or not but like. Jesus christ, no offense to the VA, but that is not fucking Reno. The only thing fine about that voice is the laugh. That was a real Reno laugh, but everything else. Im sorry but its god awful. Maybe if the guy did a better job acting he could properly channel Reno and sound more like him, but that was. A very bad first impression.
#honestly everyone else is fine. the only complaints i have are that cloud doesnt sound dead enough inside and maybe a little too young#i went into the remake expecting to have a meltdown over the new VAs but shockingly theyre not bad. outside reno and my nitpicks over cloud#and when it comes to the ones we havent heard. as much as i love cid's voice. i do think they could find a better guy. so im eager there.#and as long as they can get someone as deep as mr. blum then i GUESS i could settle for a new vincent VA. i guess....#BUT CAIT BETTER KEEP HIS SCOTTISH ACCENT I SWEAR TO GOD IF HES NOT STILL SCOTTISH IN PART 2. I DONT CARE THAT PEOPLE HATE IT. I LOVE IT!!!!#i have heard ms. yeung already tho and i think shes perfect so no complaints#im just super excited to hear max as red. i know hes gonna nail it. he was the only change i was actually hype for and i wanna#hear it so bad. ive still yet to hear it which is shocking actually considering how many clips of the game ive seen before#gotta keep that one a proper surprise. blow me away mr. mittleman! i know you can do it!!!#personal
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sorry guys it's that time of second where I forget to reblog again
#reverting to my lurking tendencies#im doing my best ok‼️#posts.nae#i guess my brain is just tired.. but also im literally sick lol#just a hi hello im not dead yet update i guess ykyk?#but yea :D
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#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons.#like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao.#but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want#stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for#rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area#had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v.#i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom.#&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that#until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while#fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao.#but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao.#he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story.#&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it#filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate.#he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao#&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic.#he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao.#he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had#&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed.#he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him.#he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole.#&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious.#when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come.#to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao.#but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there?#will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it?#&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao.#like it could be worse i guess lmao.
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