#hi I forgot I had this blog and want to use it to dump other works that won't be found by certain people

[covetyou]

performance enhancement

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Dieter Bravo & gn!reader rating: Teen (18+ only blog!) warnings: anxiety/stress, Dieter Bravo being a stubborn asshole, cute baby animals, vaguely fluffy word count: 1k summary: I couldn't stop thinking about that baby pygmy hippo and what Dieter would do if he saw it, so this fic was born. you're welcome.

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"I can't work in these fuckin' conditions!"

You hear him before you see him, sat scrolling through your phone as you wait the few hours still left until you have to pick him up. You'd got here early - as you usually did - even though Dieter was frustratingly late more often than not.

The door to the trailer is wrenched open a moment later, and you're raising your eyebrows in disapproval at the grumpy actor as he flings himself inside the trailer, slamming the door behind him.

"I can't do it," he huffs, turning anxiously in a circle, hands on his hips, running through his hair, balling into fists. "I can't fuckin' do it."

"Do what, Dee?" you say from your position curled up on the small bench seat in the trailer.

"This!" he yells, turning to face you gesturing in the vague direction of his face.

You make a face at him, still clueless as to what he's talking about. In a long line of things Dieter Bravo could be frustrated with "this" didn't really help to narrow it down.

"They want me to," he begins, fannining his eyes. "They want me to leak, and I can't."

"Cry?," you laugh. "Dee, it's in the script, of course they want you to. Have you tried the tear -"

The actor rounds on you, shaking his finger in your direction before you can even reach for your bag to see what you have to hand to help.

"No! I do not need performance aides."

"Dieter, it's just to help yo-"

"No!"

Dieter yanks off the thick knit sweater that makes part of his costume and dumps it uncermoniously onto a chair, shaking his arm in frustration as the sleeve just won't give up its hold on his wrist, growling at the garment when he's finally free. He rounds on you again when he's a little more bare, a little less claustrophobic, and flops down next to you.

"I'm not doing it," he says simply, as he tucks himself in beside you on the bench, and that's that, discussion over. You know better than to argue when he's like this so, with a roll of your eyes, you flip your phone back over and continue your aimless scrolling as Dieter's head finds its place on your shoulder.

He fidgets for a little while, the bench not really big enough for the two of you to curl up, until he's slumped down and half turned toward you, legs splayed out in front of him where yours are tucked beneath you.

"Can I watch?" he murmurs sadly a moment later, his face pressed into your arm and eyes screwed tight.

"Dieter, that's up to you. They're your rules, not mine."

Dieter didn't have a phone of his own. Not right now, anyway. That was locked away back at his house, awaiting the day it could be reunited with its owner. For now, all he had was an old send-texts-and-make-calls-only brick of a phone for emergencies, that he mostly used to bug you at all hours of the day. It was a rare day you weren't greeted with a "u up x" text in the morning, or a garbled jumble of letters as he forgot how to text with a number pad.

"I wanna watch," he mumbles into your arm, face pressed so tightly to you now you can feel his lips move against your skin.

"Then go ahead."

You watch then as he slowly opens one eye, peeking out shyly before opening the other and staring wide-eyed at your phone screen. You're only scrolling mindlessly, not really paying much attention to whatever the algorithm is throwing your way. Some stupid ads, spoilers for a show you're not even watching, the red carpet looks of a movie premiere Dieter was invited to, but couldn't make it, and endless shitty takes from random internet strangers. Just a normal day for the internet, but amazing for the man next to you who had kept himself away from the world of unsolicited advice and badly shot paparazzi pictures for weeks.

"Wait," he says suddenly, sitting up and scooting closer to you. "Go back, what was that?"

You scroll a little slower as you move back through the endless monotony on your phone, until Dieter goes stiff by your side and grips your arm.

"That," he says. "What's that? Is it fake?"

Something in you swells, oddly proud at the man for knowing to question something he'd never seen before rather than taking it at face value. More than once he'd come to you gushing over an image only for you to take one look, see the 8 fingers, and have to break the disappointing news to your employer.

"She's real," you say, opening the video for Dieter to take a look. "She's been everywhere the last few days."

"She's beautiful," he murmurs, transfixed on your phone screen. "Look at her. Get that girl an Oscar. Is there more?"

"Yeah, Dee, there's more."

"Can I see?"

You move to hand him your phone, but he refuses to take it, instead choosing to snuggle into your side as you search for the baby hippo that had taken his attention. A few minutes in you almost expect him to be sleeping by your side, but a small sniffle and the swipe of his hand tells you otherwise. Crying over baby animals wasn't new for Dieter, and each time he did it, you found it unbearably sweet. Eventually, he shifts by your side and squares off his shoulders, before standing, grabbing up his ugly sweater, and pulls open his trailer door with a determination to rival his earlier resignation.

"I think I can go back now."

You don't look up at him, transfixed on the tiny hippo staring back at you from your hands. A 180 flip like this wasn't unusual for Dieter. It probably wasn't even his first for today. Either way, you'd still be here when he got back from filming the last scenes of the day, ready to cart him back to the apartment he insisted you stay with him in.

"Do you need the tear stick? Drops? I've got some in-"

"No," he says with certainty. "No, I've got this. Just... just gonna think of that fuckin' hippo."

[alexaloraetheris]

As people who have had the misfortune to find my blog probably know, I have ADHD. I am also on meds for it, which is fun is many varied and different ways.

I first got put on 18mg Concerta and experienced my brain firing at more than 25% without a hyperfixation for the first time in my life. It was awesome.

Then there was the pandemic. There was a supply shortage, and my psychiatrist basically patted my head and wrote me a reccomendation to get a perscription of off-brand meds, the cost of which is at least partially covered my my insurance. They were supposedly the same thing, but something in the filler is different enough that I can't digest it all, so the effect isn't as good. It was shitty, but it was better than nothing.

It also gave me really fucking weird dreams for a while, but at least my Discord group had fun with that.

I've been upped to 36mg since starting grad school, but my doctor, who actually writes my perscription refused to give me non-insurance-approved meds, so I'm still on the shitty version, just with a bit more punch and a lot less cost. And the weird dreams are back.

Last night I dreamed I lived in my home village again, and every night I had to go into the woods and into this big hole that's basically a really deep cave and talk to the people who died there. That was my job, to keep them company and make sure they don't go out and harrass the living. One day they convinced me to take some of their bones and bury them in the proper graveyard. I took the C1 vertebrae from each of them (the Atlas, it basically lets your turn your head around) and buried them not in the graveyard, but in the little plot of land behind my house that's basically an unused garden.

And sure enough, it let them come out as ghosts during the night, and they weren't happy that they weren't in a graveyard where they could see other people but they were still stuck with me. I told them I knew that cave was the place where every woman in the village knew to dump their abusive husband's body when they've had enough, I knew they just wanted to find their ex-wives graves and get revenge. If they didn't get some goddamn therapy and realize there was a very valid reason they got dumped in the cave, they don't get to go to the graveyard.

They were super mad and turned my home into a haunted house, but they couldn't do much to me because I'm alive. So they mostly threw stuff around, but I have cats, I'm used to it. Finally they agreed to see a threapist. I kidnapped one and locked him in the attic. I'm pretty sure I at least fed him? I remember cooking something.

The therapist tried to explain to me that these were exploited farmer folk, their rage was misplaced but understandable, but I insisted they either learn to respect women or I'm throwing their bones back in the cave. The therapist tried to kill me too. I broke his head with the tenderizer and buried his Atlas in my backyard. Therapy sessions continued. My cats were ecstatic. I was sweeping a lot of broken dishes, but I somehow never ran out of plates.

I buried the cats too (no idea how they died) and now I had ghost cats in the house too. The ghosts loved them. I went out and never returned and these guys all lived together in my house with the cats. No idea if they ever became better people but it was better than the cave.

I think it was going in some weird gay direction but I woke up and forgot the rest.

Moral of the story: get my psychiatrist to write me perscriptions from now on.

[eldritch-spouse]

HI AGAIN. Ever since I found your blog and also sent a totally normal ramble abt cannibalism I've been just. Gently tossing your guys back and forth in my head. You're a wonderful writer and I'm always excited to see you on my dash!!

Gonna throw my hat in as asking an actual question- How would your guys fare if their obsession had a particularly weird or morbid interest? I get the vibes that some of them would most certainly encourage it but I also feel like Vinnel would hit me with a hammer if I panic infodumped about ebola-

[Hellow, glad to see you again! Also, I know you probably just forgot, but "your guys" encompasses way too many characters to talk about at once, so I'll assume you were going for TCE staff.]

Morell especially likes hearing about your cannibalism infodumps. They're actually useful to him, since he's going to be living with you, and he needs to know what he can and can't feed you, as well as a possible child between you. It's actually interesting stuff, he'd like it if you talked about it to his family too, you're a smart piggy. Any other topics are usually met with less enthusiasm (unless kitchen/food related), and he'll ask you to quit it if you start talking too much about mushrooms. Overall, it's nice background noise to work to.

Patches is all about infodumping. In fact, you're subjected to it often too, even if he doesn't always stop to explain basic concepts you'd need to understand his rambling. He'll give you a recorder he has, so he can keep the sound of that boundless enthusiasm in your voice forever. He's much more participative than the others, asking various questions and tossing random scenarios at you that'll prompt you to learn even more. There's a potential he'll get distracted and stop working to just research this with you the whole day.

Gallon loves a weirdo -No offense- Feel free to dump all that morbidity on him, he soaks it up like a sponge (so does Martin, be careful). Although he prefers to let you speak unhindered, only egging you on when it seems you're getting passionately angry about things, there's a chance Gallon may begin his own little tidbit sharing regarding a variety of poisons and toxins. He's selective with what he lets slip, but figures it could interest you.

Santi likes listening to you. Doesn't matter what it's about. There's only one thing he doesn't want you to morbidly talk to him about, anything featuring kids. Other than that, you think a rant about the intricacies of cannibalism's effects will kill his mood? Hah, nice try. He usually doesn't have anything smart to say, but may actually pitch in with some first hand details if you mention something sexual and morbid.

Let's face it, this is going in one of Grimbly's eardrums and out the other. Unless, you can talk like you're in a true crime podcast, then he's all ears. Grimbly typically responds to these interests by bragging to others about how his Mommy's "so smart" and "cultured" and he learns so much with you! You should start a YouTube channel!

Nebul likes to hear what you think is morbid. He'll let you ramble when you've been good enough to earn his attention, or if it allows you to keep obeying him. He has his own morbidities to share with you, as a wraith who has seen the darkest parts of many a mind. Surely, you of all people would be fascinated to know how the brain reacts to very invasive types of trauma only some monsters can inflict...

Vinnel will use this to his advantage during shows. You're placed in dangerous games where the whole goal is for you to explain said morbid concepts to the audience while Vinnel or Jingles try to destabilize you so you'll fall into painful contraptions or get cut/bruised/undressed. Sometimes Vinnel pays attention to your infodumps, other times he openly doesn't, it's a coin toss.

Belo sincerely discourages you from seeking such dark information in your brain. A lesser's mind is like a canvas, and it shouldn't be furnished with such desolate knowledge... If your morbid interests somehow can shine a glimmer of positivity or utility, the angel will be a little more inclined to letting you keep pursuing these topics. Otherwise, Belo actively attempts to distract you.

Sybastian doesn't understand about 80% of what you're about to tell him, but he has all the time in the world to sit and listen to his favorite person spit words. He's not verbally communicative during these episodes, but he may clap depending on how impressive the information is, and he remembers things you say enough to sometimes present you with paraphernalia vaguely related to the topics of your morbid interests.

Fank-e is a good bet because he can add onto your information in real time, or correct small detail you may get them wrong. He's generally happy to give you links to more information sources and try to match your level of knowledge, uncaring of how dark the subject theme may be.

If there's one thing you can infodump to Krulu about, it would be diseases. Plagues and ailments of several types are his specialty, the chances of him imparting bits of knowledge you absolutely should not possess on this matter are high. Another thing you may infodump to him about is corvids. It gets him in very favorable moods, surprisingly.

[akosijayjay]

January and February dump

This is my most recent work of Lloyd, and my most recent work in general. I made this in the computer room at school with a painful high-sensitive mouse. We have these special course thing in our junior high, so every tuesday after class, I get to be in the computer room. For six hours... (My course is Visual Graphics Design. I'm kinda regretting it now since I've been thinking of becoming an architect... I can't change my course now since it's too late. Which is stupid.)

I'll try to draw more there! I really like drawing with a mouse cause I like the challenge. And since I'm not accustomed to a high-sensitive mouse, it'll be a bigger challenge for me!

I made these two in traditional then polished them digitally since I straight up just used a pen. I rarely use a pencil nowadays so I can learn to fix mistakes without erasing it. Usually it ends up looking like chicken scratch but I'm getting better.

My Harumi one is so bad lol.. When I was making it, my classmates around me were messing around and moving the chairs in the process, making me have to draw strokes with shaky lines. It's not that noticeable though since I made the lines thicker.

I was planning to make something for Rebooted's anniversary but I got busy... (And lazy) The PIXAL one was inspired by an animatic I saw.

If you compare the previous Arin portrait, yes, they don't look the same. I'm trying to find a look for Arin, as I do with every character, that I'll be satisfied with.

By the way, I'm kind of basing Arin's hair with my classmate's hair. Which is funny because my other classmates compared this artwork to my classmate, who looked nothing like Arin but have similar hair, commenting they're the same. (I'm not mad because I actually find this a bit humorous)

I was trying to make an animatic and this was going to be the sketch. But then again, I got busy and lazy. (Mostly lazy)

I accidentally changed their facial features a bit by accident on the second page because I forgot to reference the first page. It was tiring flipping pages every 5 seconds, ok! Also, I drew it after 2 days when I drew the first page, and I didn't have a design I liked for them yet. (...I just noticed Jay has different eye colors in both pages...)

I think I'm sticking to these looks for Lloyd. I'll try to make it accurate to this. (I think I did great with the first image of this post. Though, I made him too round for my liking.)

Discard the growing beard post redesign Lloyd has. That beard thing was supposed to be where his chin was until I realized it was too small. And it's still too small.

Child Lloyd is so cute! The eyeshadow wasn't intentional at first, but then it got me thinking, what if Lloyd had an emo phase? And now emo child Lloyd is my headcanon.

Pre redesign Lloyd kind of reminds me of TommyInnit, and I find it quite funny. Maybe it's the facial gesture, I know a lot of TommyInnit fanarts with that silly face.

For Dragons Rising Lloyd however, I want him to have long hair with his post redesign face. I'll try to make full body designs of the 4 Lloyds.

You guys probably don't care, and this is the first time you've seen me because I don't have an exact artstyle and I dont post as much, but I'm going to put descriptions now since this blog is going to be a silly little art dump! And blog posts are supposed to be descriptive. Which I should've done in the beginning and explained my works..

Anyhow

If you liked my art, thank you!

If you saw me before and told me I did well, thank you and I'm sorry!! I know my previous posts have gotten comments and I'm sorry I didn't respond.. I'm not trying to be ungrateful, I just don't know how to express my appreciation for your positive feedback! Or just reply in general... I get nervous even when I'm wearing my mask..

Please don't hate me, I'm just really anxious to show my work to people I don't know to the point where I might think people disliked my artwork when it's the opposite..

(I'll probably copy paste this in future posts now lol. But I AM thankful that some of you guys think my works are great!)

[moonlight-starlight-lady01]

[Warnings: cussing, planning to manipulate, bullies, harassment, that's pretty much it]

(A/n: Sorry, I've been inactive, but now im gonna write on this blog. Im just gonna write invader zim shit and other stuff made by that creator.)

"Hey y/n, i got a dare for you!" One of the dumb popular girls yelled out loud to you at the lunch table.

"What is it. Im all ears!" You yelled back. Not wanting to look like a coward to your friends you agreed to it.

"I dare you to hook up with a cringe lame ass boy in this school and then break their heart after." She said confidence running through her.

"Sure, anymore details?" You asked, not gonna lie you wished you hadn't agreed. That's fucking mean. Who would even think of that.

"Ok so. Heres the plan, you get with a boy at this school. Make them fall in love with you. Then ask them out to the dance next month, and right when they announce king and queen were going to dump shit all over him then take pictures. Then after were going to post it on every single social media platform there is." The dumb girl said with a mean glint in her eye.

This made you think for a second. This was cruel. Mean. Why would you have fun doing this. But, you dont want to look like a coward to your popular friends.

The dumb girl smirked and looked around the cafeteria. She had looked for a bit and gasped with her eyes widening. She then went by you and whispered in your ear. "I know who you're going to prank."

"Oooo, who will i be pranking then?" You said with a fake smirk on your face.

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"Dib membrane."

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Dib membrane?! The kid believes in aliens and ghosts and paranormal shit. The kid that is the son of the professor membrane! Sure, nobody really liked him. BUT, of all people, the son of Professor Membrane! Does this girl want you to die in real life? What would happen if he gets pranked tells his father, and then his father fires your dad from working there. Then you would have no money. Your mom and dad would lose your home, and then you would be homeless. Then you would be-

"EARTH TO Y/N! Hello! Earth to y/n!!!!"

"Huh, wha-"

"So, you want to prank him or not?" The mean girl spoke with pure venom in her voice.

This was bad. You should have said no. You should have just not skipped detention. You looked at the mean girl and then sighed.

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"When do i start?"

It was the end of the day, and everyone was leaving the "hi-skool." You planned on finding Dib at his Locker, then walk home with him. You live in the same exact neighborhood he does. You're basically his neighbor. But guilt filled your gut. This was gonna be mean. But you have to. Dont look like a coward, is what you say to yourself all the time now.

Going around the corner in the hallway, you see Dib at his locker fidgeting with something. You slowly walk up to him. He didn't even realize you were there until you cleared your throat.

He looked up to you in surprise. His eyes widened a bit in shock that a popular girl was right there by him.

You finally got to see his full face. He had his signature round glasses on, but he has piercings in his ears. Some pimples hear and there. You also noticed that he painted his fingernails black.

"Hey, there!" You said with a big grin. Trying to be the most welcoming you have ever been. But, he just stared at you in confusion.

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"Hey....?"

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Woah, you forgot that Dib is maturing. Since when did his voice not sound like a kid anymore?! You asked yourself in your thoughts. Of course, you guys were in the 12th grade. But like damn.

"Isn't your name Dib?" You said, pouting your lips out to look cute. And then, using your fingers to fidget with your long h/c that was tied up in a high pony tail.

He looked at you like you were crazy. "Yea..?" He said, confused, then he grabbed his books and shoved them in his backpack, and started to walk off.

This made you panic. Was he not into you?! You had to think and fast before he left the school.

He stared at you and said; "Look if you're trying to make fun of me, just dont ok. I know your little popular group of fake friends is around here somewhere!"

"Uh, so! What are you doing after school?" You asked, running up to him and starting to walk with him.

Actually, none of your friends were here they were at cheer practice. "Nooo, i just wanted to know what you were doing after school." You said, still fidgeting with your hair. Plus, all of my friends are at cheer practice"

He gave you a skeptical look. But, sighed. "I was going to go home." He said with slight annoyance, stirring in his voice.

"Oooo, me too. We live in the same neighborhood, we can walk together!" You said smiling again and then grabbing your purse strap.

You could tell Dib didn't want to walk with you. But, luckily, gaz walked with Dib, so he didn't talk much, nor did Gaz. But you had a trick up your sleeve.

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"Hey, is that a piggy slave game?"

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Gaz eyes widened in shock. "You know the piggy slave games?" She asked in all honesty.

"I sure do. I have 'piggy of destruction 1' and 'piggy of slaves 2' AND 'piggy of the bacon clan 3'.-" you looked around to see if anyone was listening."-i even have the 'ultimate piggy slave'."

Gaz face turned in surprise. The ultimate piggy slave was so rare to have.

Meanwhile, you and Gaz were talking. Dib was staring at you in suspension again. 'One of the popular girls is here trying to talk to Gaz and me. This is definitely Zim's doing.' Dib thought to himself.

"So, Dib, what's ya got there?" You asked, going right beside him and looking at the weird device in his hands. It looked like a controller that would control a remote car. But it had a scanner on the front, and it kept beeping. Weird symbols that you didn't recognize popped up on the little rectangle green-ish screen.

"Oh, u-uh. It's a ghost reader. It can detect ghosts and spirits. Most of the time." Dib said in a teaching tone. He was suspicious of yours, but he would never miss a moment to teach someone about the paranormal, let alone give him their attention.....

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"WOW, that's cool!" You said, looking at the device with a big grin. Dib was shocked. He was ready for a smart ass remark. Or a "ghosts aren't real."

"R-really?" Dib said in shock. "You mean it?"

"Well, duh, of course. I've seen them." To this statement, Dib eyes widened, and he went right in your face and said.

"YOU HAVE?!" After that, Dib was barbonding you with questions. 'How old were you?' And 'what did it look like?' And 'were was it at?', Ect.

You thought it would be hard for him to open up to you and actually talk to you, but you thought wrong because now you have his number and Gaz. You made a mental note later to text him.

The walk to your guys neighborhood was short from Dib talking and rambling.

After walking with them up to their home. You stopped at the fence.

"Well, that was fun. I will see you guys tomorrow?" After a pause, you saw them nodding. "Well, then goodbye, Gaz! Goodbye Dib~." You said, making sure the Dib part sounded flirtatious. You could see a pink dust fall gently on his cheeks as you turned and walked along the sidewalk to your house.

Hopefully, you could get this done before the dance.

[k3llyb3an]

Please tell me about Sir Pentious (your special snake man)!! OwO

2, 7, 12, and 24!!!

I let this sit for so long I forgot what numbers these questions pertained to and had to go digging through my nightmare of an untagged hellscape blog to find them again -- ALRIGHT LETS GO!!!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

My favorite canon thing about Sir Pentious is that by being in hell it's clear that however he lived his life, he wasn't a good person. But even though he's not a good person he's not a bad enough person to really succeed in any meaningful way when it comes to being in hell either.

There's a scene where the Vees -- who are all very successful at being their worst selves -- discuss putting a mole in the Hazbin Hotel and in prior scenes you can see the kind of lesser sinners who are all employed by them but still offer some sort of value to them. And then they discuss needing a sinner who's even more pathetic, more desperate and worth less than every down on their luck sinner they've already employed. Yet memorable enough in these qualities to immediately seek them out -- which ends up being Sir Pentious.

There's something very interesting to me about someone who wasn't a good enough person to end up topside but even when they try as hard as they can to indulge in their worst qualities they're not terrible enough to make any kind of impact in a place where terrible people thrive. It's a fun dichotomy to play with.

Charlie forgave him for betraying her trust in him and she was kind to him when he was at his lowest and there's something so endearing about him internalizing that second chance and that kindness and wanting to return it to her a thousand fold. He wanted to be a better person because she knew he could be a better person even if he wasn't able to see that himself in a place where you're encouraged to indulge every vice and flaw you have.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Something the fandom does when it comes to Sir Pentious that I like is they all draw his human form with this black luxurious long hair and I'm so into it. It's anachronistic for his time period sure but I love designs that play around with physical and societal expectations of gender. If he doesn't have it in his human form canonly I'm going to be despondent. Also he needs some grey in there.

Also since he died when he was 40-something towards the end of the Victorian era everyone draws him with eyebags and sickly with visible cheekbones and it's so much more fun than seeing hot young tumblr twink #13245241.

And some of the fandom pretty much decided he's bottom heavy and a little overweight which I adore because I'm constantly craving some body type diversity -- and Hazbin Hotel is a canon that desperately needs it.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

A headcanon that I have for this character is that he was dumped in the room with the other seraphim because he shook up the order of things so much through his redemption that he is a seraphim now. His new form in heaven has a few attributes that both Emily and Sera have also seem to have?

Also Lucifer (who in this canon is supposed to be a fallen seraphim angel i think) and Sir Pentious have many qualities in common so they would be an interesting foil to one another as the seraphim who fell to hell with sinners and the sinner who rose to heaven as a seraphim.

And he kept his snake form when he ascended, is heavily associated with fire, and his most impressive invention is his zeppelin he used to fly around hell in which could all have been a nod to one of the meanings of seraphim being 'fiery flying serpent.'

If he's not that's fine too because I think being able to improve yourself as a person and letting love into your heart is peak but I think it would be a neat little perk for the first redeemed sinner in all perpetuity. Also it'd cause nothing but problems for heaven which I'd love.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Another character from another fandom that reminds you of them is… mmm. He's a little bit of feliks (silly and inventive) and a little bit of roderich (soft and quick to anger) and a little bit of francis (pathetic and romantic) if you ask me.

[your-queer-dad]

hi dad,

I want to start by saying your blog is amazing and you help so many people, I hope you know that xx.

I'm in a bit of a situation and I hope you can give me some advice (no worries what so ever not, I'm sure you get a lot of these haha).

So, I really struggle making friends, but I've had one good friend for a couple of years, A. She's absolutely amazing, even with all the shit I put her through (I sh and I'm pretty sure I have an Ed and I'm autistic so I have no social skills whatsoever, sometimes it feels like she's more of a carer than a friend even though I try to keep that stuff from impacting her too much. It not her responsibility and I don't want her worrying) (I'm in therapy, so you shouldn't worry either)

Anyway A is just a bit too kind for her own good, one of our old friends she really didn't like and neither did I, but we just kinda stayed friends with her until we found out that she SA'd a girl, we talked to her about it asking if it was true and then she kinda dumped us. We were both relived. (Me doubly so, because if she'd done it to someone else it was less likely it was my fault, but that another (long) story). And I hate that it fulfills all of the stereotypes for trans girls, and all of the thing my very conservative family had warned me about.

And now A still has a friend called J, now I don't like J and A knows this even though I still respect their friendship and will chat with J when they sit with us. Lately A has been complaining to me about things J does that annoys her and even told me that she thinks they may be lying about an instance of SA they reported, which is HUGE. I'd considered that J might be exaggerating some details but outright lying.... And A and J have been friends for over a decade. It makes me really glad that I haven't told her about my own experiences. But it also makes my very uncomfortable because I worry that she doesn't really like me either and is just too nice to say, she invited J for a sleepover for her birthday same as me, so she could secretly hate me, and some of the things she's been complaining about I do too.

And to make matters worse, I feel she's been pulling away recently (she even forgot my birthday, which I said was fine, she was stressed and I didn't want to make a big deal of it and I din't invite her over of anything which in hindsight was probably a bit rude I just didn't have the energy to do anything that wasn't necessary, or even something that were, K haven't showered in way too long haha, but I'm still a bit hurt that she forgot.) ,and we've been sitting with a wider group of people, who have all been very nice and welcoming. But As made quick friends with K, which makes me really insecure about our friendship even though I know it shouldn't and A is allowed and deserves friends outside of me. And K been very nice to me too, but we're not really friends yet. I doesn't help that A and K are very allosexual and alloromantic witch is something they can bond over and a way to prove that trust each other. I am aroace and very closeted even though the whole friendship group and school really is really accepting. I'm still, ashamed I guess, my families conservative and ice never said it out loud and I don't feel ready to tell them. But their talking out crushes and deepening their relationship and I want in, and I don't want to appear standoffish, and I want to listen I want to be a part of this part of there lives even if I don't fully understand.

But A didn't tell me about her crush she told K, and when K started gossiping about her crushes she asked me if I liked men and I just shrugged ten she asked me if I like women I said I don't know and she didn't bring it up again. And then later when we were talking out her taste in men she said it felt like something she should be talking to A about and I asked her why. She asked me if I ever had thought like those (she was talking about wanting to rip men suits off, eww, haha) and I said no. I guess I just feel really excluded and insecure and I'm worried that they don't like me(I have no social skills, I'm pretty stupid, I don't hide my SH well enough and I'd do anything for a laugh or a little bit if attention even drink salt water) ( yes I'm mentally ill how could you tell? Haha)

But I don't want to do anything about it , I don't want to tell them I'm aroace and in worried about talking to them more (incase I'm annoying or they actually don't like me) or less (in case a sabotage the relationship, or they forget me, or they think I'm being standoffish)

I know Abby knows I appreciate her friendship but I'm worried that K doesn't, because I know I appear standoffish. I was thinking about inviting K to go rock climbing with me cause I love going and A doesn't and it would give me a chance to make propper friends with K maybe enough to forgive my quirks haha. But she was talking to A the other day and the exact approach I planned to use (I want to go rock climbing do you want to go with me) was thrown out as a way to ask for a date. So I don't want to do that any more in case it's read wrong, I know K likes girls too and add that asking her on a 'date' to the fact that in uncomfortable talking about her dating life I'm worried conclusions will be drawn.

But I don't know what else to do, short of just falling behind and letting the friendships fall apart. I already know A saw J outside of school without me. Idk, I just don't want to be alone.

Anyway sorry for the long ass rant, I hope you can give me some advice but no worries if not. Hope you have a good week 😊.

Bye dad.

(I have just realised how much I love brackets 🤣)

Hey kiddo! Thank you so much for reaching out! Honestly I think your plan to spend some one on one time with K and become better friends with her is a really good idea. I would also recommend maybe sharing your feelings about your friendship with Abby and communicating?

- dad x

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi there!

I hope you’re doing well, i love your blog and i think you’re a very cool person.

I have a bit of a problem and i was hoping i could get some advice from you about it

So basically last year i had a really hard time at school due to my terrible mental health. I don’t want to go into too much detail but i just felt horrible and i struggled with some very bad thoughts

I asked to go to a psychologist, and i was allowed to go, but only a few times before my parents decided it was too expensive for me to keep going (i did tell them multiple times how bad i felt, but they didn’t take me seriously)

At the same time as that was going on, my sibling was also having a tough time, but they received more support from our parents than I ever did (this isn’t that relevant, but I just feel salty about it so i included it)

Now i feel a bit better, but i’m scared when the school year starts again i’ll start getting bad again. I know i have to start doing better at school because it’s my last year and i need to get into a good university. That’s why I desperately need to get myself together and just magically feel better.

But then again, getting better is kind of hard, and i don’t have much support with that - i’m still a minor, so i can’t go to a therapist without my parents’ permission, and i know they probably won’t let me go if i ask. I can’t talk to my parents about my mental health anymore after how they treated me when i talked to them about it last time, and i don’t have any other trusted adult to go to about this.

I do have my friends though, and while i am extremely grateful that they’re there for me, i am scared that it won’t be enough and that i’ll have another mental breakdown in a few months

Do you have any advice for me on how to cope with stuff? All i need is to get through the next year and then once i go to uni i can actually seek professional help. Until then, is there anything I could do to make myself feel better?

Thanks so much for your help and i’m sorry to dump this on you, i’m just getting a bit desperate

lots of love from a stranger on the internet 💗

Hi hon!

I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this.

So I think this time around you have a bit of an advantage, because you know the things that trigger you and you can be proactive. If you feel yourself getting depressed, use the positive coping skills you have. But also, make sure to use them before you need them. Plan for lots of time for self-care. It might feel like a waste, but you're preventing being in the space you were in before.

If you find yourself in a spot like you were before, there are a lot of online help centers that you can use- the people on these help lines are trained. They aren't professionals like therapists are, but they are trained in a crisis and they can be helpful in a pinch, especially if you know you can get better help in the future.

Also- keep that in mind. You have hope in the future. Make a countdown on your phone and remind yourself that things will get better.

Edited to add: someone wrote to remind me- schools have counselors! Wow, it really is summer, I completely forgot to add this. Does your school have a counselor you'd be comfortable talking to? They can be very helpful to vent to and to help you with coping skills and manage school stress!

You can do this, and I'm here of you need to talk! <3

Naming you support anon!

[peachchiips]

Hello hi, it's me again! Here to formally announce my comeback and explain the abrupt hiatus :,^)

This is very lengthy because this isn't drafted and I wanted to get this out as soon as possible because I felt bad for suddenly disappearing and I have to get personal/serious (gonna talk about parental abuse here) so that's why there's a read more, hopefully that doesn't bother you!

I would reblog this to @hollowed-vessels but I straight up forgot the login stuff I used for that blog 🙏 but I'll talk more about that later after the life update trust

So to begin, I'm aware I suddenly dropped all activity around 10 months ago. And I know I missed a lot in my circles, which is my bad :,^) At first it was because I was almost finished with my first half of my secondary education (public college -> private college.) However my plan fell apart once I got rejected to said private college. I had other places to go to in mind, but my home situation isn't exactly the best and I can't really do much without family approval first.

Without getting into potentially identifying details, my mom is a huge contributor to a lot of the issues I have mentally and emotionally. She put a huge financial strain on me and while I understand where she's coming from, I already can barely handle my education and can't add a job onto that as well. Not to mention the already terrible job outlook nowadays. I would open commissions since that's the only work I can do well, but my mom doesn't really believe that it's a thing even though I explained it to her many times. Plus I wanted to put all my efforts into my education first. It was already getting pretty bad around the time I suddenly stopped writing here, but it got to it's peak roughly three months ago.

I ended up running away after she kicked out my sibling and threatened to do the same to my other sibling. After finishing my last semester I just took my belongings and left with said other sibling. I didn't care what my living conditions would be, anywhere was better than being entirely alone.

I know it sounds bad to just dump that but please don't worry about me! I'm fine now that I'm posting this! I have a roof over my head, still have my siblings, and I can still pursue my education! That's all that matters to me tbh :,^)

I do plan on opening commissions soon since I can still do art thankfully, but I also plan on getting back into rp here since I really do miss interacting with all my mutuals here. I also might try to post more even though all my ideas are just my art so far. I would try to be more personal by sharing my interests/life happenings but I'm more of the person that pops up to drop the wildest life updates + my interests either last 1 month or 1 year no in between

I still have some asks and ideas left for my IDV OC blogs, which I will get to! Once I remember my login stuff which again, straight up forgot 💀 worst comes to worst I have to rebrand to a multimuse main blog that might be multifandom as well, which I'll announce if either happens!

If you want to contact me on discord (whether through the servers we share or dms), you absolutely can! I wanna reach out to everyone but I still got plenty of things to do like making commission examples and going back to school :,^)

Tl;dr, left my previous life behind, now just chilling enough for me to try to be active on the internet again. Also gonna try to get back on that rp/art grind 💪

If you read all the way to here, thank you for your time! Don't forget your clicks and have a good day/night!

[kyogre-blue]

SS continues. Seteth is handsome and I think I would be okay with this normally, but I played VW first and Claude was cuter.

Not to be mean, but that's pretty much literally the only difference so far. Off screen Claude even supporting character magics us into getting the same reinforcements in the same place and going to the same next map. (I tell Seteth I want to go to the Kingdom this time. Seteth says no. I feel like at least Claude didn't pretend I had options. Did I just agree with him on everything...? That is also possible.)

It's kind of... even some of Seteth's lines don't seem to be intended for him. I heard from interview that SS was written first, so I figured that playing it would make VW feel like a reskin, but I dunno if it's the order I did them in, but tbh VW so far feels a more "natural" progression, Edelgard stuff aside.

Aside from that, using church units on the church route has some funny effects like that one general going "your army of children," but I'm actually... using almost entirely adults...

Live blogging notes:

Oh, I didn't notice, but the "village" where we wake up is in ruins. There are burnt remnants and half-collapsed brick walls in the background.

Interesting point: I didn't keep track of the months before, but now I see we fell asleep in March 1181 but wake up in December 1185. I kinda thought it would be the same months, but it's not.

Edelgard's tone at the reunion is...... hum. Not very emotive? Don't get me wrong, Claude doesn't exactly get worked up much either, but Edelgard has a lot more personal stakes in all this, and she should really have a deeper investment in regard to Byleth. It was like this when they parted ways in Garreg Mach too.

Edelgard says "friend from our Black Eagle days have chosen to join me in the fight ahead." But that's... hum. First, why is it a fight ahead for her? She's been fighting for 5 years and is winning, according to the info dump. Second, did the students actually join her? I got them all killed, so I won't know either way, but my impression is that this is not actually the case to begin with.

Edelgard is using a wavy sword... Levin Sword?

Kinda meh sword battle scene.

The fact that Edelgard is older than Byleth now... haha. Claude switches to calling you "my friend" but Edelgard is still pushing the teacher angle.

The info dumps about the political situation post timeskip are slightly different all around, but the only real difference seems to be that Lorenz leads the Empire supporter faction in the Alliance, which iirc was not the case in VW. That checks out. Dimitri is still presumed dead and Faerghus is a Dukedom.

Flayn says she forgot something at the Holy Mausoleum, where we meet up with her... Not sure what this is about. (Update: She and Seteth hang around there later too. Really not sure why.)

SS savefile has the banner I presume Claude also makes you use in VW - kinda blue-grey background with a pink Crest of Flames.

Lol, I killed everyone, but the chapter crawl still says students from the Black Eagle house are working with the Church. Instead I recruited all the Church units, so they show up to help in the new month.

War phase SS has the same monastery music and yellow skybox as VW. Kinda disappointed, tbh. I was (vainly) hoping that each route would get something a little different.

I did notice that they have wooden construction equipment type structures in a lot of places, which I didn't realize before. I guess it's supposed to show how the monastery is in a rundown, damaged state, but even seeing it, I don't think it works too well.

Shamir says that Dagda was "destroyed" ten years ago.

Seteth has been refusing Hanneman's requests for 21 years. So even though Flayn came to the monastery very recently, Seteth has been around for long enough that his physical age is going to start looking weird lol (his info on Serenes Forest says he's physically 27). Notably though, he and Jeralt didn't know each other (iirc), so based on the timeline, Seteth came pretty much immediately after Jeralt faked Byleth's death and disappeared. I wonder if it was because Rhea would have been "in a state" about Byleth's supposed death (and the loss of Sothis's crest stone).

There are no records of anyone except Seteth having a Major Crest of Cichol. In fact, it seems like there's probably no one who has a crest of Cichol at all. Seteth says he is a commoner and has no idea how he ended up with a crest. Hanneman when Byleth says the exact same thing, while being just as sus:

There's some cliff rubble on the monastery defense map... looks like there was a rockslide during the Imperial attack.

The fact that I've forgotten half of VW already is making this a little more tolerable, but looking at the chapter list for VW, we did have a monastery defense map before going to get Judith's troops, and in SS we are...... also going to get Judith's troops.

There's some snippets about how Judith and Daphnel have mostly remained out of Imperial attention and how Judith is a devout follower of the Seiros faith, but tbh it feels out of place here compared to VW.

Oh, there's a spy. Man, was this in VW? I remember nothing.

I've seen this mentioned in fic, but the quest for the Almyran merchant in disguise mentions a Nader bear (which is an Armored Bear Stuffy in your inventory). The thing you give him is "Zoltan's Beast Idol" that mentions the famous craftsman Zoltan who was believed to have made only weapons. I wonder if there's some weapon in the game that was made by him?

Seteth repeats the legend about Ailell being caused by the goddess's wrath after a battle there long ago. Which... is a weird thing, given that he should theoretically know the actual cause -- Agarthan missiles getting deflected from the monastery by the protections on the Holy Tomb.

Oh, Judith suggests she's helping because Claude asked her to. My sus man <3

Reiterating that the Oghma mountains are to the south of the monastery and between it and the Empire. You can't enter the monastery from the Empire directly. You have to go through the Kingdom or the Alliance.

Why do they give you the choice between east and west approaches?? I picked west because I already saw the Alliance stuff, but Seteth just directly shoots you down...

Claude continues to be a proper side character by giving us a way to get into the Empire through the Alliance. "I don't know exactly why, but I feel that I can trust you," my dude, it's because you are a side character who exists to fill the needs of the plot. It's the damn bridge again. SIGH

Also, I was worried for a moment when I couldn't talk to Ashe, but apparently you don't need to. Just kill him and he magically survives. There isn't even a little scene about him coming back or anything...?

[karmathehalflander]

Broad character rewrites in MV in quick bulleted list form: -Michael, Taylor, Ostin, Hatch, Sharon (Michael's mom), Zeus, McKenna: Broadly fine as they are, but willing to play by ear for taste

-Jack: The plan was to rewrite his introduction to come from the opposite angle where instead of a bully, he has a reputation of the school 'fixer' who can get you what you want if you pay the price, he has more of a criminal-y vibe early on but it turns out he's really not bad and he waives the fee for the drive to California upon hearing it's to rescue Michael's mom. He still has a military big bro who he learned a lot from but make it less of a 'man, the Marines are so cool!' thing just because I don't like US imperialism

-Wade: Backport most of his RotE/BotA characterization of being slightly more cowardly into PoC25's events, make it clear he's got a gay crush on Jack that he keeps to himself until the blog is revealed in BotA

-Quentin: More early screen time (have him tag along with Tara when she's giving Taylor the tour? Make their relationship shockingly healthy despite the whole sitch?), ongoing subplot, maybe explain why he's the leader of the group more/earlier

-Tara: Play down her earlier sadism, make it clearer that her might-makes-right worldview is something she's adopted to make Hatch happy/like her

-Nichelle: Also downplay the sadism a hair, though don't erase it because I still want it to be there when she joins the Electroclan later for a 'well I'm glad she's on our side now' moment-possibly give her some occasional check-ins at the taco job we find her working at during HfJD? So she comes less out of nowhere. Maybe introduce RESAT tech in development during PoC25 that makes her nervous about being tossed aside so that explains why Hatch dumps her so quickly. -Tanner, Grace: They're probably mostly fine, Tanner has an interesting little arc as The One With A Conscience even if he's not used much, and Grace is Fine as a flat character, not everyone can be fleshed out.

-Bryan, Kylie: Just give them a bit more than 'the dumb one' and 'the materialistic one'. -Ian: He really needs more to do. I mean, he does a lot, a lot of spotting and info-giving, but he has the least personality of the Dungeon Trio. I'd honestly play up his role of the pessimist of the trio to balance out McKenna's optimism and Abi's hesitancy.

-Abi: I do like her role as the nervous one who doesn't like fighting but i feel like that sidelines her into the Shy Healer (kind of) archetype. Maybe play her up as the moral core of the group a bit, make her more able to stand up for her beliefs?

-Torstyn: Absolutely make him less of a maniac so his heel-face turn goes down smoother, give him a few mentions as being Away during PoC25 for foreshadowing purposes (Tessa and Cassie, I need to swirl around in my head a bit more. and I do have random other thoughts, this is just like, basic stuff 2 me)

I love that angle for jack! It would make me much more sympathetic to his character and make him much more interesting overall. I think he would be a nice guy but kinda fall into somewhat shady stuff out of necessity.

Wade needs more character and his death would affect me much more if he did. 

I genuinely didn’t feel like Tara had a redemption arc it was like she joined them and everyone just forgot how sadistic she acted. 

I love Nichelle and any more characterization would be awesome!

Ian desperately needs more character! I love him and there’s so much missed potential! He would tell dark jokes and be pessimistic but I imagine he would be generally pretty chill in serious situations. 

Abi would work well as a moral center I feel like that kind of character was desperately needed. The story would have been much more balanced that way.

[naminethewriter]

Ich habe 558 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

60 Einträge erstellt (11%)

498 Einträge gerebloggt (89%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@lost-in-thought-20

@edupunkn00b

@a-small-batch-of-dragons

@typically-untypical

@candied-peach

Ich habe 558 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

#fic rec – 455 Einträge

#dukeceit – 57 Einträge

#intrulogical – 53 Einträge

#💙💚 – 52 Einträge

#💛💚 – 48 Einträge

#i love them so much – 42 Einträge

#creativitwins – 41 Einträge

#namiswriting – 41 Einträge

#i love them all so much – 33 Einträge

#💙💜 – 32 Einträge

Longest Tag: 108 characters

#i have written so much more about logan janus and remus that it's kinda unfair to compare them to the others

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

Extra Service Chapter 1: The Guest

Finally! I had this idea over a year ago I think and yesterday I had the brilliant idea to just publish this story with chapters instead of making it a one-shot.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story about Remus forcing a stranger to do some self-care 💚

Here on Ao3

“Housekeeping!” Remus called as he knocked on the door to room 227. He received no answer, so he used his master key to enter the room. It was tidy enough, probably some businessman who was only staying for a night or two and was out to work. Remus liked those guys (as guests only though, he’d never get along with suit-monkeys on a personal level), they never brought much, didn’t really unpack and knew the rules that made his job easier. So he quickly fixed the bed, emptied the trash before moving on to the bathroom to replace the towels.

Honestly, being a hotel housekeeper was never something Remus thought he would be, even if it was only a side job to pay the bills. He wasn’t optimistic enough to ever think that his art would keep him afloat; at least not in his early career, his style was too unique for that. But when he thought of part-time jobs to do before his big break (if he ever had one), he thought of coffee shops, McDonalds, or other retail crap where he had to deal with Karens and other small minded assholes. He still had to deal with those here, of course, just not as much. Most of the rooms he cleaned were empty and he rarely was on food delivery duty. He preferred it this way. He didn’t mind the cleaning all that much, dirt had never bothered him. Janus had saved him by getting him this job, even if it came with strict rules. Remus could hold himself back for a few hours if it meant he could go batshit crazy with his art like he wanted to.

As Remus got back to his cart to dump the dirty towels in, he gave the room another once-over, going through his mental checklist to see if he forgot something and came up with nothing. So he closed the door and moved on to the next. Room 228. The last room on this floor. And a room that had been on his mind for a few days now.

Remus had taken up a couple more shifts recently. A co-worker had called in sick and Remus had a bit of a creative block so he had the time to spare and who was he to say no to extra cash? That meant that Remus had been here for four days in a row and that’s also why he knew that the guest in Room 228 had checked in three days ago and hung out the ‘Do not disturb’ sign. And hadn’t taken it back since. Meaning no one had been in there to clean and, as far as he knew, no one had restocked the mini bar or brought the guest food either.

Janus had told him not to worry about it. Apparently that particular guest had done the same thing multiple times before: rent out a room, locked himself in for a few days, collapsed for another and then leaving. What exactly he was doing in there, Janus didn’t know which of course peaked Remus’ curiosity. But that wasn’t the only thing that drew him to the door right this moment.

He had seen the guy checking in. He had caught his eye immediately, because not only was he devilishly handsome but also worryingly thin. The guy had taken his keys and moved straight to the elevator with such purpose that Remus couldn’t help but watch him go. And oh, what a sight it was. The guy had one fine ass. Luckily Janus had been the one to check him in, so Remus had an easy time asking him all about the mysterious man with the great ass. Of course Janus had refused to give him so much as a name. But he did tell him not to expect too much since the guy would isolate himself as soon as he got to his room. Which turned out to be true. 

Remus was now standing before the door, the number plate 228 glinting at him in the artificial light while he glared at it. He wouldn’t lie, the man’s weird behaviour and good looks had caught his attention no problem and he wasn’t above flirting with guests, much to Janus’ chagrin, but that wasn’t why he was here now. No, his main reason was that he was worried. The guy only had one small suitcase with him and the mini bar only held so many snacks and drinks, some of which were alcoholic. There was no way he was eating right in there and he was already so thin! Remus had watched his brother work himself to the edge of a mental breakdown before; he was not going to let this guy do the same, even if they were total strangers.

Now determined, he let his lips twitch into his trademark manic grin he always wore whenever he was set on something. Roman said it made him look like a mad scientist while working on his paintings or statues, paired with random patches of paint or dust on his clothes and skin and honestly, Remus didn’t mind the comparison. He snatched the ‘Do not disturb’ sign from the doorknob, placing it on his cart for the time being before knocking.

“Housekeeping!” He waited for an answer but none came. He put his ear against the door, trying to make out any sound from within but the door was too thick. He tried calling again. Still no answer. He pushed away the images of a lifeless body and the smell of rot his brain produced. The guy was probably fine, definitely not dead. Maybe passed out. Probably just really focused. Roman had done that, too, back then. Didn’t hear him no matter how loud he yelled. Yeah. The guy was fine. He must be. Because even if Remus was a fan of horror and gore, he didn’t really want to find a dead body at work. Especially since it would be on Janus’ watch and he had worked too hard to get his position to get demoted just because one guy couldn’t take care of himself.

Pulling out his master key again, he carefully opened the door and peaked inside. Immediately his worries were proven wrong, the sound of fast typing reaching his ears. The guy was definitely conscious. ‘Unless, of course, someone else had broken into the room!’, his brain supplied. ‘Could’ve killed the guy and was now trying to get info out of his computer like in the spy movies!’ Remus could feel his adrenaline rise in a weird mixture of dread and excitement. He shook his head. ‘No! Concentrate! The guy is overworking himself and you’re here to stop that!’, he reminded himself. He quietly pushed the door open further.

The room was dark, despite it being early afternoon. The curtains were drawn close and only one lamp close to the table (or was it a desk? Remus wasn’t quite sure what exactly the difference was) was emitting a soft light. The guy was sitting with his back to the door, illuminated by the screen of his laptop on which he was furiously typing. Remus was quite sure he hadn’t paused once since he entered the room, again something that reminded him of Roman’s worst days when he thought that every little break was equal to failure. Remus couldn’t see what exactly the guy was so focused on, he was completely blocking the screen from view. Not that it really mattered to Remus what it was. It could wait for a few hours. No, it HAD to wait. It was clear to him that this man was not in his right mind and needed to take a break RIGHT NOW. He just needed to get the guy’s attention.

Making noise had already proven to be fruitless. Remus had been extra loud the second time he called. Touching the guy suddenly was probably a bad idea. His reaction could range from punching Remus to him having a heart attack or something. ‘Both sound like great options! He doesn’t look like he has any muscle but what if he was actually fucking strong?! And if he had a heart attack, you could see someone die! Up close and personal at that!’ Again, Remus pushed those thoughts away, though he filed the first idea away for later. That might be something he could work with somehow. No, the best way to get the guy’s attention would probably be through sight. But he was so focused on his screen that Remus would probably have to wave his hand right in his face or pull the laptop away, both options again putting him back in punching distance.

Remus let his eyes wander as he thought (he could take his time; the guy wasn’t noticing him anyway). Finally they landed on the curtains and his grin widened as he had an idea. Sudden, bright light would definitely do the trick! But in order to get to the window front and open said curtains, he would need to pass the table (desk? Whatever!), placing the guy between himself and the door. Bad plan if the guy turned out to be an actual spy or some shit. ‘That would be super exciting though,’ his head supplied. He rolled his eyes at himself. ‘Obviously.’

But there was one more bright light at his disposal that he could utilise from his position. The ceiling lights whose switch (again, obviously!) was by the door he was standing in. ‘Wait! How hasn’t he noticed the light coming in from the hallway? If he doesn’t react to that, will this even work?’ Remus hesitated for a second, glancing over his shoulder. The light in the hallway wasn’t all that strong. While the windows were big, it was pretty cloudy outside and the lamps were shut off. The lamp in the room should be much brighter, plus it was pretty close to being directly above the guy. It should work. ‘And if it doesn’t, I can still get within punching range,’ Remus thought. ‘Hell yeah!’ his head cheered back.

So Remus placed his hand on the light switch, eyes trained on the guy to watch his reaction, and flipped it.

As soon as the light hit his eyes, the guy flinched so badly that he almost fell out of his chair. He sharply turned his head upward and practically recoiled like some cliché vampire when his eyes met the bright light directly. He also let out a sort of painful… hiss? Maybe? That’s the best comparison Remus could come up with (it sounded adorable though, in his opinion at least). The guy cursed under his breath (at least Remus guessed it was cursing, he couldn’t quite hear him, but it made the most sense), rubbing his eyes. He recovered quickly though and finally turned towards the door and, of course, Remus, enabling him to get a good look at the guy.

And what a sight it was. His ebony black hair was tousled and clearly hadn’t been washed in days. His dark green eyes were open wide, but his pupils were tiny pinpricks. The glasses he’s wearing were crooked and weren’t hooked behind his left ear properly. He was still wearing the suit he had arrived in, without the jacket. The tie was hanging so low, it almost came undone and the shirt was wrinkled by now. All in all, Remus couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so attracted to anyone. If ever.

The sexy stranger seemed so surprised by Remus’ appearance that his mouth opened and closed a few times before he managed to speak which gave Remus a few seconds to give the room itself a once-over. It was a complete mess. The missing suit jacket and the suitcase were both lain over the bed. The suitcase was opened, and its contents strewn around the room, mainly some clothes and papers. The mini bar wasn’t closed properly but most likely empty since the (also empty) bottles and wrappers were scattered around the room. The tabledesk (‘Ha! Made a new word now!’) was also littered with papers and books, the laptop in the middle of the chaos and its charging cord buried beneath the paper. And then Remus was hit by the smell and oh boy was it unpleasant! Good thing Remus was the first one in here, he could appreciate a good stench. But it was not something befitting the hotel, so he knew he had to get rid of it soon.

“Who- why- how-?” the stranger finally started to sputter before he took a deep breath to compose himself. “Who are you and what are you doing in my room?” he croaked out, voice raw from apparent misuse. Remus was pretty sure he was attempting to glare at him but it was hard to take him seriously with how obviously tired the guy was.

“Housekeeping!” Remus called again with a wide grin. The guy blinked at him a few times, then slowly eyed him sceptically but seemingly concluded that he wasn’t lying (which, you know, he wasn’t).

“I hung out the sign. I was not to be disturbed,” he said through gritted teeth. Remus just grinned wider.

“That was three days ago, so it expired today!”

“I have never heard of such a rule existing.”

“Of course not! I just came up with it after all!” The guy stared at him as if he’d grown another head. ‘Maybe we did! You should check!’ his head called excitedly. ‘I don’t have an extra head.’ Remus answered sharply. He couldn’t afford to get lost in thoughts right now. He probably only had this one chance to get through to the guy and he was not going to waste it!

“You… just came up with it?” the guy asked slowly.

“Yeah!”

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31 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 30. April 2022

#4

Self Care Can Include Many Things

Loceit Week comes around once more 😍 I’m so excited to see what everyone comes up with! There will be quite a few references my entries from last year, look forward to that 😊

Thank you @loceitweek2022 for organizing this! 💛💙

Here on Ao3

Masterpost | Loceit Week 2022 Masterpost

Summary: Janus and Logan have a project to work on. But they also need to take a break sometime. Janus knows an opportunity when he sees one.

Janus arrived in front of his project partner’s house two minutes before their agreed meeting time. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered with being punctual but Logan was annoying about stuff like this and he wasn’t up for a lecture, so he left his house early. He locked up his bike and went to the front door, ringing the doorbell. Less than two seconds later a child’s voice loudly called:

 “I’ll get it!” Then quick footsteps approached. Patton, Logan’s younger sibling opened the door and started grinning as soon as fae saw him. “Janny! Did you come to play? Can we play Mario Kart? I practiced and now I’m super good!” Janus chuckled but shook his head.

“I wish I could, Pat, but your brother and I have a project we need to work on today.” Patton started to pout and Janus quickly gave faer a pat on the head as compensation. “If we finish quickly we might be able to play a bit later. Or I’ll come over again in a few days, that okay?” Fae continued pouting but nodded.

 “If you pinky promise!”

 “Alright, if you insist.” Just as they linked fingers, Logan appeared behind his sibling.

 “Salutations Janus. I see Patton coaxed you into a pinky promise, I hope fae didn’t ask for anything unreasonable.”

 “Did not!”

 “No, fae didn’t. I just promised to play Mario Kart with fae sometime soon so fae could show me how much fae improved, right?” He grinned down at the child who nodded in agreement.

 “Very well then. Patton please go back to your activities now; Janus and I have work to do.”

 “Okay, but you need to finish quickly so we can play!”

 “I will make no promises.” Apparently Patton had expected as much since fae ran off without another word. Janus laughed quietly.

 “Visiting your house is as delightful as ever.” Logan sighed.

 “I would have preferred to go to yours but my parents are both out and Patton cannot be left alone for such a long time yet.”

 “I understand. Then shall we?”

 “We shall.” Logan led him into the house and up the stairs into his bedroom where he had already prepared enough space to work, materials they could use for their research as well as snacks and drinks. The perfect host like always.

It didn’t take long until they were both seated and comfortably at work. Logan had gone to the library to get them reference books which Janus found a bit unnecessary, they were only supposed to prepare a twenty-minute presentation on self care for health class, citations not needed. But Janus also knew Logan well enough to know that that wouldn’t stop him from doing so and he didn’t mind as long as Logan didn’t force him to read through those books. He preferred online articles.

 They had agreed to work in silence for the first fifteen minutes and then present to each other their findings and after that narrow down the examples they wanted to use and research more. Logan started, talking about how important a healthy diet and drinking a lot of water were, as well as dental hygiene. Janus listened patiently even as Logan’s explanation turned more into a rant that went slightly off topic but if he was being honest, and he didn’t tend to be often he just knew to tone down his sarcasm in front of Logan and his sibling (both often got confused with his way of speaking), he could listen to Logan talk about anything for the rest of the day. His crush on the bookworm was not really a secret but Logan was very dense when it came to romantic relationships. He hadn’t been aware of their friends’ relationship until Roman and Virgil kissed right in front of him and even then he needed to ask for clarification.

 Janus was patient though; he was waiting for an opportunity to make his move and he had a very good feeling about today.

 Logan eventually stopped himself and blushed a bit when he realised how much he’d been talking.

 “My apologies, I didn’t mean to ramble.” Janus waved him off.

 “I don’t mind. You made some fascinating points.” Logan’s face got even more red.

 “Thank you. For listening I mean.”

 Janus good feeling increased ten-fold as a plan formed in his head. He grinned.

 “No problem, Logan, I truly enjoyed myself.” He delighted in seeing Logan’s ears turning red now as well.

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

48 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 26. Juni 2022

#3

Don’t Think About It

Stream-of-thought fic based on this little writing game!

My prompt was “Wait, what do you mean, you kinda like me?” which game me Virgil vibes so here’s the first Prinxiety fic I’ve ever written. Enjoy 💖💜

Here on Ao3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait, what do you mean, you kinda like me?” Virgil was red like a tomato, staring at Roman like he’d grown two heads. The other avoided his eyes, just as red.

 “It means that I would like to go on a date with you. Only if you want to of course!” Virgil felt like his brain stopped working five minutes ago. There was no way Roman was interested in him, they barely got along as friends!

“If this is a prank I will put you in the hospital, princey,” he growled, his fight or flight instinct kicking in but Roman held up his hands.

 “I would never joke about matters of the heart Virgil! That is a line I would never cross!” Yeah, that was fair. Virgil took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He shouldn’t go off like this, he knew Roman better than that and knew his words held true.

 “I know, sorry.” He sighed. “But you can’t spring shit like that on me out of nowhere.”

 “I mean, I was flirting with you for the last two weeks, I figured you picked up on it.”

 “No, you weren’t,” Virgil denied, flushing red again. Had he been that dense?

 “Oh yes, I was.” Roman laughed nervously. “But it’s fine that you didn’t notice, I tried to be more subtle than usual so I didn’t overwhelm you.” Great! Now Virgil was flushing for a different reason. Sometimes he hated how accommodating Roman could be. But before he could apologize, Roman kept talking. “And I don’t need an answer from you right away, take your time to think about it, I can wait a little longer.” He turned to walk away but Virgil grabbed his arm without thinking.

 “Wait!” He froze, not quite sure himself what he was about to say. Roman looked at him expectantly and the light hit his hair in a way that made it look really soft and his green eyes were shimmering, and damn Virgil was gay.

 So he thought: fuck it.

  “Let’s go. On a date,” he breathed out before he could stop himself. And as a smile made its way across Roman’s lips he couldn’t even think to regret it for one second.

85 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 21. Mai 2022

#2

Logan Lost

A while ago, @thecrowslullaby sent me a horrible challenge to start a cooperative story with the prompt

"What do you mean you misplaced [them/him/her/etc.]"

While it was intended to only be the start, I had a solution in mind, so I thought why not share that! So here is my version of the story but here is the last addition to the original thread.

I also made it a Loceit story, a little thank you to Crow 💛💙

Here on Ao3

“What do you mean you misplaced Logan?!” Janus exclaimed, staring disbelievingly at Remus who shrunk a bit under his gaze.

“I wanted to show him my new castle so we went to the imagination. I took the lead and told him about my process, you know he likes to know the steps, but when I turned around he was gone! I went back the whole way calling for him but nothing!”

“So you’re saying he’s on your side all alone?!? How many monsters do you have roaming around out there?!”

“He should be fine! All my creations know he’s not to be harmed, same as you!”

“What about injuries! Tripping hazards! Cliffs! Spikes! You have those everywhere!”

“Well, what do you want me to do?!”

“Find him obviously!”

“I tried!”

“Try harder!”

“What are you two yelling about??” Janus grimaced for half a second before turning to face the other twin with a forced smile.

“Nothing important. Remus simply… misplaced something that’s rather dear to me on his side of the Imagination. I was just asking him to retrieve it,” he hissed, glaring at Remus, daring him to say anything more specific on the matter.

“And I was telling him it’s not that easy,” Remus shot back, pouting a little. Roman looked between the two warily.

“Must’ve been something rather important to you if you yell like that,” he commented. Janus simply shrugged, not willing to say anything else. “I could help look if you tell me what it is.”

“As much as I appreciate your kindness, my prince, it is my understanding that you are not very welcome on Remus’ side and constant monster attacks would be more distracting than helpful, I’m afraid.” Roman frowned.

“Remus can just tell them off, right?” He turned to his brother. Janus stared pointedly at Remus but he didn’t need to worry.

“I could, but I’m not gonna. It’s too much fun. Plus I don’t think I could stop myself from stabbing you in the back when you least expect it.” His grin was wide and made Roman shudder.

“Fine, fine. Don’t say I didn’t offer. Good luck to you then.”

“Thank you. We better be off then. We wouldn’t want to miss dinner and make Patton worry.” Janus moved to grab Remus and pull him toward the portal but Roman spoke up again.

“Wait! Have either of you seen Logan? I can’t find him and I need his input on the next script.”

“I haven’t seen him since breakfast,” Janus said, trying to stay composed.

“Remus?” A pause and Janus prayed that Remus could keep his impulses under control.

“Haven’t seen him in a while,” he chirped finally. Technically the truth, Janus thought before again pulling Remus toward the portal.

“Sorry we couldn’t be of help, Roman, but we must be off now. Good luck on your search!” he called over his shoulder, shoving Remus through the gate and quickly following after before Roman could protest.

***********

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

90 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 31. März 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Coffee shop AU, enemies to lovers, "Get out of the way before I murder you" <3

I’m done!!! Thank you so much for the request, this was a lot of fun 🥰

Also I tried not to make this Intrulogical but the sentence just fit Remus the best and then I couldn’t stop myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, here it is:

Science Can Bring People Together

All heads turned as the door of the coffee shop burst open.

 “What the fuck did you do, Croft?!” Remus yelled as he stalked towards the counter where Logan, Roman and Remy were currently working. The people in line hurried out of his way except for one blond-haired woman.

 “You can’t just come in here and cut in line!” she exclaimed.

 “Get out of the way before I murder you!” The growl made even the Karen shrink in on herself and Remus passed her by without any more protests. When he finally reached his goal he hit his fist against the counter and pointed at Logan. “I want an explanation, Croft. Now.”

 “Remus, calm down, we’re working! Can’t this wait ‘till later?” Roman interjected, casting worried glances towards the other customers. Remy on the other hand, despite being their manager, watched the scene with interest. Logan raised an eyebrow before turning to his co-workers.

 “I will make the orders while I talk with Remus. Business will not be disturbed further. Step aside, Remus.” He received a growl instead of an answer but didn’t even flinch. “I will not tell you anything if you cannot act civil.” They stared at each other for a few seconds before Remus clicked his tongue and moved two steps to the left. “Thank you.”

 Roman, despite not seeming sure of the situation, went back to serving customers. He wrote the orders down and passed them to Logan who started the process of making a cappuccino to go before addressing Remus again.

 “What is it that you want from me?”

 “I want you to tell me why the fuck Mrs Linn called me into her office today to offer me a seat on the team for that stupid science contest!” Logan raised an eyebrow.

 “Adam’s parents will not allow him to participate because of his bad grades in English and Spanish. We were a teammate short so I recommended you. Did Mrs Linn not explain that to you?”

 “Of course she did! I wanna know why the hell you would do that? You hate me!” Logan held up a hand to pause their conversation while he called out the finished order.

 “For Sylas and Delilah!” A broad-shouldered man came to get the cups while Logan continued with the next coffees. He made quick eye contact with Remus before speaking. “I do not hate you, Remus. I certainly do not appreciate a lot of your… actions but I do believe you to be a very smart individual. When Mrs Linn informed us about Adam’s situation she asked if we knew anyone who could fill his spot and I felt that you are the best option we have.”

 “Why?” Remus still looked sceptical. Logan hummed, considering his next words while operating the coffee machine.

 “First and foremost, as I already stated, I find that you are an intelligent person. Second, you possess ingenuity that is heavily lacking in the rest of our team. And lastly, the theme of this year’s contest is ‘Deep Sea’ which I know to be a special interest of yours.”

 “Slow down! What makes you think I’m intelligent or ingenuitive? My grades are shit.”

 “I am aware. However, grades do not reflect a person’s intelligence but their ability to thrive in the school system. It takes more than just intelligence to do so. For Maddie!” He placed another cup on the counter before moving on to the next. “For example that Rube Goldberg machine you used for your prank on the football team last year was a very clever construction that not just anyone could have built. You have a talent for science but the environment of our school is unable to support you to explore it as such.” Remus just stared at him until Logan called out the next order. The line at the counter was thankfully getting shorter.

 “Thanks for acknowledging my undiscovered genius“ – Logan rolled his eyes – “but why would this science competition be any different than class? Mrs Linn doesn’t like me.”

 “I do not believe that to be true. She certainly is not a fan of yours but when I recommended you she was not that put off by the idea. Otherwise she wouldn’t have agreed, after all. But beside that, Mrs Linn is only our supervision, not our instructor. She prevents us from injuring ourselves. The topic of the project and how we approach it is entirely up to us. At least as long as it’s within the budget.”

 “What about the others then? It’s not just you and me, right?”

 “Of course not. But I will handle them, no need to worry.” Remus furrowed his brows.

 “The hell’s that supposed to mean?”

 “That I will ensure that they do not bother you.”

 “How?”

 “I have my ways.”

 “You’re starting to kinda creep me out, Croft.”

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109 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 23. Februar 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[adventurous-adventures]

January 5 2024

First session of the new year! Let's get into it!

We spent ages just going through out-of-context quotes we had collected from various places.

"SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK" Mick dying from the sucking. "Maybe not do that to the person who spilt their drink last year.

River Lea and Raven dump Orc corpses at the butcher: "Wait… what is this guys race?" "Oh god, he's not an orc right?"

Did we mention they are naked? The human butcher is hauling naked Orcs to the back of his freezer.

Oop! An opportunity to get more Australi- I mean Orc Meat.

DM.exe is not responding.

Town Master is pretending not to be home to deal with us.

Juniper threatened to break in and enter through the broken window (courtesy of Cryovain)

Yeah the town master hates us now. (I am not surprised)

Bill Neigh the Cowboy Guy!

"Georgie, stop breaking the DM!" I'm on notes today… 👋Hi! Also, I'm making little quips

We now can't stop laughing at saying we're selling Orc meat.

Mr. Wester is a fucking pussy making us do shit while he hides in his broken house.

(Pussy autocorrected to Pussy-cat and I don't know what's funnier)

Bill and his horse having a Flynn Rider and Maximus 'when he looks at me and I look at him' moment.

Bill and Town Master have similar accents.

Looks like the Orcs are Arsonist but in a Minecraft sense.

River Lea is banned from her dead ex's bakery for obvious reasons.

"Firecunt"… can we say cunt on here because we're kiwi? (Lara here, I say yeah. Our blog, we can do what we want)

they exit with a basket full of bread (of different shapes) and a cheese wheel the size of Juniper.

"What's that jerky made out of?" "Beef" "Are you sure about that?"

The butcher is traumatised so much that the DM forgot Juniper and Iphigenia did not come in with that Orc meat.

Debating who will mount what creature together. Enter Alistair with a shipping chart. Dewdrop & Alistair are plotting.

*insert shipping chart here*

Going back to the Farmer's house.

"Say boyfriend! Say boys! Say boyfriend!" Zain, 2024 in relation to getting the DM to refer to Raven in his dialogue to his child.

Juniper is canonically unhinged (slay). She may be a cleric but she will say unhinge shit to get a rise out of each other.

During our second long rest: "Do you want me to roll perception again?" "Ummm." *rolls dice* "Yes." "I don't like those sounds"

A long rest later: BOOM white cow.

"You notice some bodies on the ground" Everyone chants 'let the bodies hit the floor'.

"Oh look! Orc meat." "They are swarming with flies." "… We're not touching those!"

Australian Orcs have returned.

Zain mispronounced Satyr to Satire.

We bonded with the Orcs over Racism. For once violence wasn't the answer.

Iphigenia is going to pull the dead sister card to get the Town Master to agree to get the folks of Phandalin to help rebuild the ghost town for the orcs

In the tune of Do You Wanna Build a Snowman: 🎶Dewdrop, do you wanna fuck an Orc?🎶

Is Alistair a Furry?

Bonus:

Here is Juniper vs the image the DM had in his head when Juniper and Iphigenia returned with bread and cheese

[realfactsnlogic]

on apologizing, grovelling and sympathy-fishing

This is a bit of a trauma-dump. But this is my blog and I do what I want with it. And I also want to share my story to the world.

In this post I will talk about my uneasy history and strained relationship with apologies and forgiveness.

Note to self: Share this with the therapist. This is a juicy topic.

CW: I will be talking about abuse I went through as a child (physical, emotional, emotional neglect). Please love and care for yourselves and don’t read if you feel this will bother you.

Then

I was probably 3 or 4 years old. I don’t remember doing this--I don’t have the photographic memory of it burned into my brain, but apparently I hit some kid. My mom took me home, stood me on a chair so that I could reach her height--

And she slapped me. I was in tears, in that ‘child sobbing’ voice, trying to repeat what she tells me.

Something like, “(name), I am sorry.”

Of course, when you’re talking to a child, you need to break the sentence down into pieces. 

So it was more like, “(name) -- I am -- sorry.”

Between those dashes, I would repeat what she said.

The day after that, I literally forgot what she told me.

So when I went back to school, she took me to a rug where the kid was and got me to recite what she told me. I couldn’t remember, so I repeated what was prompted.

I don’t have this memory unless I’m in a certain state. Sometimes I don’t think it’s mine. I still need to accept that regardless of anything, I did it. I did it in this body, so this memory should be considered mine.

There was another incident like this:

In Kindergarten, one end of recess, I followed my friend group back to the building. I did not know that they hid some kid--one that was way older than us, but very sensitive. He might have been of a protected classification, I think. But that’s none of my business. Anyways, my friends had to line up and shake his hand, saying “I’m sorry, Aaron” (was that his name?)--but I, stubborn I, would refuse to. I remained on the couch and shook my head because I did not hit this kid. Still, I walked with these friends and so I pay their consequences.

I actually wrote about this incident in high school. I’ll see if I can dig up the full story to post about it here.

There’s more to this. About how I got M-RTU’d in 2016 because I couldn’t handle too much collective punishment, about how I fucked up real bad with a small fandom in 2018, so on and so forth.

From what I learned in therapy, childhood memories are factors in tendencies in adulthood.

Now

So as I grew up, these memories and other factors made a ‘person’ (more like a dead man walking) who has the reputation of being hard on himself. Yet, he remains to be a hard worker. He’s all about that Sigma Male Grindset, all about that T Guy Swag...but something about him is always missing. Always off. And we wouldn’t know until the bad things happen, and then we start calling him selfish.

All of these are true. Almost. They’re only true if you refuse to hear his side of the story.

“WAH WAH! I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!”(Or: The Part Where I Look Like I’m Self-Victimizing)

I’m almost always the first one who’s apologizing (which is fine, if I know I started it). When people come to me to apologize, what apologies do I get back? Short sentences when I deserve paragraphs. Okay, that’s a little entitled, but I’d rather get an insight on their feelings in the moment and their intentions than...whatever the hell I got.

I don’t do “short and sweet”. I do “long and bitter”. I was taught that to apologize, you have to name your wrongdoings and either offer a way to rectify it (if appropriate, otherwise make a small promise of stopping a habit and how). No asking for anything, not even for forgiveness itself, not even for the deletion of things you made for each other.

The fact that my values don’t align with some people says and said a lot about how I conducted myself around people I once considered a friend until they didn’t want me to anymore.

Then again, they don’t owe me anything. They don’t need to walk me through the whole process of their wrong doing like I did (albeit without their consent. I have a habit of over-explaining.)

People who really don’t like you aren’t worth your time trying to please. I had to learn that the hard way. I also had to learn that I have to accept people’s opinions of me, regardless of the negativity--not to wallow in the negative ones, but to either move on from them (if destructive) or learn from them (if constructive.)

And in this case? It feels like the middle. I know I can’t change those opinions. That’s fine. I don’t need or have to do the work to convince that change. Change is a choice and it’s their choice as to change their opinion of me.

What Craving External Validation Does to MFs (Or: The Part Where I Attempt to Get Introspective)

Let’s not get started on how I have difficulty forgiving myself. Especially when I knew I was at fault for an occasion. Even if other people forgave me, I couldn’t forgive myself.

That’s what craving external validation does to mfs.

Just as how I’d have unusual methods of self-harm, I had an unusual method of sympathy-fishing via self-victimization. Before I go into that, however, I will say I have engaged in classical self-victimization ala “i’m gonna tell everyone i know what happened so i can get their sympathy!” or “i’m gonna put passive-aggro lyrics in my Discord status to show these mfs how i feel!” and whatever else I can’t think of in the moment.

The “going around telling everyone” thing is really done with the intention of getting different opinions, actually. Still, two things can be true at the same time. So I can understand where outsiders come from when they say I look like I’m self-victimizing. And they’re right. It does appear like that regardless of intent. Also, nobody likes a broken record.

This time, however, the way I went about self-victimization/sympathy-fishing was different. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how self-demonization counts. I think I have an idea, where it’s like: “Wah, it’s all my fault! You should pity me now.”

I acted like I was the villain for everything. I acted like everything was my fault, whether I really did anything or not. In my mind, inaction is action. I let my guilt and shame take over whenever I start craving that sympathy fix.

Hell, I wasn’t even thinking that the kind of attention I wanted was sympathy. Then again, how would you know when you’re at an unstable state?

Conclusion

If any readers stumble upon this, and feels it is familiar: maybe it is--for you.

And if you read this and know (almost) exactly what I’m talking about: What are you doing on my page, and I will once again apologize. Perhaps a thousand times.

I can wait 1000 years to be apologized to and much more to be forgiven, no matter how severe the damage. But some people can’t and that’s okay.

Fuck this shit, I’m gonna play a different game now.

[sunless-seas]

I haven’t used this tumblr in years but i’m gonna start repurposing it into my doodle / ship / r18 blog so feel free to unfollow it or whatever

if you wanna stick around tho i’ll have more ffxiv content soon!! of my WoL, my Azem, and also my bestie’s oc 

[hawkins-losers]

Burnt toasts, his place | Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: Sometimes, love can be heard in the silence

Word count: 0.5k

Request: Can you do you are in love with Steve please

A/N: So sad this song isn’t on the canadian version of 1989...

-

The sky was dark and filled with stars as Steve drove through the streets of Hawkins, one hand on the steering wheel and his other holding yours on the middle console. Getting coffee and donuts at midnight probably wasn't the smartest idea, but the light of the streetlamps reflected the chain on your neck - a present from Steve - as you made small talk and, at this very moment, you felt happy.

Unsurprisingly, after that coffee, you couldn't fall asleep. So you laid awake in the darkness of Steve's bedroom.

The light of the moon was coming in through the window, casting a soft light in the room. You could see the picture of you Steve kept on his nightstand, a random polaroid of your smile and sparkling eyes. There was a photo-booth strip right next to his alarm, a mementos from your most recent date.

‘’Good thing neither of us have to work in the morning,’’ Steve pointed out beside you, feeling the effect of coffee.

You giggled, then felt his arms snake around you, peppering kisses on your shoulder and neck. A smile curled on your lips, basking in your lover’s embrace until sleep took you.

When morning came, you woke up to an empty bed. Steve's spot was semi-warm, meaning he hadn’t been up for long.

‘’Steve?’’

No response.

You sat up and slipped on your fuzzy socks, the floor getting cold now that winter was approaching. You were sad to leave the comfort and warmth of the expensive blankets, but by the burnt smell that suddenly filled your nose, something was waiting for you downstairs.

‘’Shit shit shit,’’ you heard Steve say as you approached the kitchen, the burning scent getting stronger.

‘’Steve?’’ you called out.

His bare back was turned to you as he tried to get the very dark toasts out of the toaster with his fingers, burning himself in the process. You told him to unplug the toaster and use a knife many times, but he never listens.

He dumped the burnt toasts on the counter, past the edible state, and turned around to face you with an apologetic face. ‘’Sorry I burned the toasts. I was trying to make fresh orange juice, but the machine was wonky and I forgot about the toast…’’ he explained, a little embarrassed by the situation and feeling terrible for ruining breakfast.

You shook your head, laughing lightly. ‘’It’s okay. You still kept your promise, you made breakfast.’’

He wasn’t a master chef, but he tried.

You crossed the kitchen to meet him. Automatically, Steve's arms wrapped around you, loving that you were wearing his old Tigers tee shirt to bed, as yours snaked around his neck, bathing in the morning warmth.

You nestled your face in Steve's neck, knowing today was Sunday and that you’ll have to go home tonight.

‘’Do you want french toast instead? I’ll try not to burn them.’’ A soft laugh spilled out of you and he pinched your side. ‘’Don’t laugh. Not all of us had parents to teach them how to cook.’’

You pulled back, giving your man a look. ‘’Babe, it’s toast. Toasts are not that hard to make.’’

Steve gave in, laughing at himself and his poor cooking skills. ‘’Okay, okay.’’ His brown eyes were glimmering in the sunlight, looking down at you with a look that was meant just for you. ‘’So, do you want french toasts or..?’’

You closed the space between you, pecking Steve’s lips quickly. ‘’Yes!’’

You were so in love with this boy.

-

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