#hhhhh *anxiety spike*

[loser-brain]

Brain...

please stop thinking about discourse... I don't want to think about it anymore... I want to look away now- I don't want to think about it anymore aaAAAAAAHHHHHHH I REALLY SHOULD OF JUST BITE MY TONGUE REALLY AND NOT SAY ANYTHING MY BRAIN WON'T MOVE ON AND FOR ONCE I ACTUALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT I ALREADY MADE A REBLOG ABOUT IT BUT JUST HHHHHHH BRAIN PLEASE STOP

[blueb-eri]

okok so i’ve had this scenario of Ais in my brain for a while and i felt the need to share it hhhhh

it’s a scenario of a bad end for Ais

so in this scenario MC has decided to submit themself to the Seaspring and become part of the hive mind so they convince Ais to let them drink from the seaspring. (this is my first time writing a scenario thing so sorry if it’s bad/messy)

“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you, Sparrow” Ais sighed as he took the cigarette butt out of his mouth, tossing it onto the ground and stomping on it with his spike covered boot.

MC nodded, they knew what they were getting themselves and they understood what they’d be giving up in return for freedom from the fear, anxiety and guilt that plagued their whole life. “I know Ais but this is the path I’ve chosen” they replied as they walked to the edge of the platform before the rippling red waves of the Seaspring and knelt down, looking down at their reflection thinking about their life before this.

“Is this worth it? Is this worth losing my entire identity and becoming a shell of the person I am?” They thought but quickly shook the doubts away before they overthought too much backed out “yes. I’ve wanted this for so long, I can’t waste this opportunity”

They didn’t notice that Ais had seated himself on the edge of the platform and was staring out into the red waves before them, seemingly lost in thought as well. Ais glanced at them then slid into the red water and positioned himself in front of them “c’mon Sparrow, let’s get this over with”.

Ais’ appearance in front of MC snapped them out of their thoughts and they looked at him with wide eyes “what are you doing..?” They asked confused “Helping.” He replied matter-of-factly as he slid his arms around their waist and slowly pulled them into the blood red water.

When they were fully submerged in the water Ais grabbed onto the underside of their thighs and hoisted them up onto his waist, in response MC wrapped their legs around him and hooked their arms around his neck and stared into his piercing crimson eyes. No words were exchanged between the two as they held each others gaze.

Ais let go of one of their thighs and scooped up a handful of the blood-red water and poured it into his mouth but didn’t swallow and instead grabbed the underside of their thigh again and slowly leaned in, their mouths were merely centimetres apart. It was once again MC’s choice to accept this and become bound to the Seaspring for eternity, this time they didn’t think twice and closed the gap between them. Their kiss was full of desperation.

Ais opened his mouth slightly and let the red water flow into their mouth, sealing the deal and binding them to the spring. MC let the water into their mouth and swallowed then slowly pulled away to catch their breath, they leaned forward and rested their head on Ais’ chest as they felt a wave of exhaustion hit them.

“Thank you, Ais… for everything…” they mumbled as sleep overtook them and they submitted to the Seaspring and it’s eldritch bring that inhabited the spring.

Ais didn’t respond and merely stared out in front of him, wondering if he could’ve stopped this from happening or if he could’ve convinced them not to go through with it but it was too late. All was said and done, now they will become part of the hive mind and their eyes will become the crimson colour just like his.

(sorry if this is bad but you get the vision right????)

[chthonicgodling]

long rambly post incoming💞 had been handed the perfect avenue to find out fast exactly how ~quirky the TaKi baby is: Hecate examining Loki and kindly asking if he wanted her to divine out the nature of said baby-or-babies

me being very eager to reveal The Surprise™ vibrating OoC VERSUS me also absolutely needing to stay In Character when allowing our lil guys to make decisions fgkfkg. of COURSE the latter won and obviously this didn’t happen,

Loki’s twitchy as hell around all his pregnancies, it is a shocking miracle that he hasn’t fully vanished from the second they knocked him up even after promising them he wasn’t going to. sure this is because (SELF ADMITTED IN WORDS LMAO) in the end ✨lust has won out over anxiety✨ but he IS still twitchy and he IS still cagey and that’s coming across in, literally now the only people he’s been letting touch him/near him has been ONLY Maci and Tory - again, a shocking miracle ; he also has not told anyone else he’s pregnant yet!!!

this is the part where I admit to you all again (I said this in that other pregnancy trope post here) that this aaaalllllll is a thinly veiled excuse to create angst really 💞 specifically if he doesn’t come out of this having cried a million times then I haven’t done my job. Actually allow me to quote MYSELF from when I was vagueposting about figuring out a way to make him have a Taci baby back in NOVEMBER before FENIXE BEAT ME TO IT ahemmmm from the beginning I have said;;

…I can’t make Loki do a plot right now cause he keeps climbing past my schemes to climb on top of Maci and Tory and I can’t stop him 😔 Like ok fine just keep doing that I guess! I’m still gonna make you cry no matter how long you try to stall!!

so!! SOOOooO!!!

so this is all fun and games and Loki agreed to let Hecate come by in desperation wrt unbearable morning sickness that Maci and Tory refused to let him just suffer through (and also Hecate can be persuaded to take commission for fun sex curses which Loki was more intrigued by than her involvement for any other LEGITIMATE reason lmfao) but!! there was real anxiety spiked when she offered to magic-look at the baby. well it’s not any of your business I don’t see why it should matter what shape the baby is!! why what are you all going to do to it if it’s not a shape you prefer??? h ey whoa Loki calm down you’re suddenly shaking?????

:( ah

it’s fine happy ending (Maci and Tory pet him until he pulled himself together and she of course immediately did back off) but

oh. yes. more of this.,,,,,,, oh sure this whole thing is Sexy and Cute and Fun and Hot and ✨yayayay new babies✨ (nothing willl happen to baby-or-babies dw!!) but —

make no mistake it has all come upon me for a very specific purpose. and I will force this emotional vulnerability upon him (& dump him upon Maci/Tory) if he it kills me hhhHH-

[stitchthesewords]

I see your tags about the rendubs divorce arc + Ren running off with Bdubs' ex + Bdubs declaring himself king because he can do it better, and I hear you loud and clear

But I am now here with a counter offer, aka you got my thoughts spinning and this relates to a fic I started but never finished because writing angst makes me too sad. (this ask that ended up way longer than I thought it would oops)

What if renthubs polycule (or some flavor of poly hermits i'm not picky) where the three need some time to mentally recover and process the whole king arc. Ren goes to Doc, Etho goes to his single player world and Bdubs goes to Empires.

Doc ends up helping Ren get through his anxieties and fears after being king, including his dynamic with all the people in the rebellion and the feeling that his friends and partners would hate him for everything, which is of course not actually true. And I think that Ren is the type of guy to process things relatively quick and be able to bounce back. So once he is more stable, he follows everyone to empires.

Bdubs runs away through the rift and declares himself a god on Empires, which shows you about how well he is (not) coping with everything. To me, he is the type to loudly declare that he's over it, but he ends up festering the emotions, particularly when no one else is really talking about the king anymore. He's fine, why wouldn't he be fine, he's a god. (side eyeing joel here as well after dl)

Then Etho. Hmm. I think he isn't as bothered by it by the other two but I'm not 100% sold on that either. There has to be a certain melancholy to knowing your partners aren't in the best headspace and not really being able to do much about it. And the guilt about fighting against them and having to be part of the group to kill them. The third life memories would have to be coming in at full force. It may be lower stakes on hermitcraft but I don't think that matters when the memories are that emotionally charged.

I think that in the chaos of the empires collab and then the start of a new year with new projects and tcg and everything, the three don't really get a chance to sit down and talk. Bdubs is hiding away in the monolith drafting up visions of another grand castle base. Etho and Ren see each other more often with tcg matches and, through a number of casual interactions surrounded by other hermits, decide that maybe it would be time to talk. And there wouldn't be a better excuse to talk than a big project.

So the boat race idea is born. Etho and Ren go out to the ice spikes and scope it out. They end up around a fire made of some spare wood and end up talking well into the night. It starts out with plans and slowly ends in a heart to heart, where they finally express their struggles with everything and their commitment to each other going forward. They fall asleep cuddled together in a sleeping bag under the stars.

And bdubs is still festering. He doesn't stop long enough to realize. His days are filled with planning and designing and gathering materials. He works himself to exhaustion so he is too tired to think about who and what he is missing. He's fine. He builds a throne room.

Em you have no idea how insane this ask made me I am. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

GOD! GOD! You are soooooooo right about how they would each react and recover/not recover tbh. And its like - Ren isn't 100% but he's like. He's getting there and being up and moving around will help him out - and Bdubs just. HHHHH Bdubs throwing himself into his work to hide from his woes while putting on the 'I'm FINE! ACTUALLY!!!" im ill. And Etho just having. No clue really god bless him he's looking between the two of them and trying to figure out what the best way to approach everything is.

GOD and then the way you thought about rentho bonding and finally talking bc of the TCG and then going out to build the boat race while bdubs unknowingly is festering back home im hhhhhhh. I am normal about this i am so normal. [They should. play clocks against each other in the tcg where they bond. For no reason. ]

Imagine coming back from having a boat race and doing fun stuff out in the ice to find bdubs having completely thrown himself into an insane task without break and its like. you've gotta figure out how to approach it he cant just fester but he's closed off and hiding behind work to not have to address his feelings. I am normal I am feeling soooooooooooooooooooo normal.

[unh1nged-b0nes]

Day 2

200/200 ✅ I must say it's not as easy as i remember, but I'm still determined to do this. Small problem a friend asked me to go out for lunch w them tomorrow and I'm trying to keep my anxiety from spiking even though i think we'll end up skipping that part of the plan. Hhhhh idk idk

[kosi-annec]

[HAIKYUU!!] Season 2 episode 21

I just realized hinata tried to block that shit

OMG IT'S OUT, I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA CHANGE THE TIDE HOLY SHIT. That made me so fuckin nervous

LMAO i almost feel bad for oikawa. Don't worry, your bf's got u handled

"I bet he's gonna be pretty quick on his feet" no shit kage, did you not see wat he did last round??

Ofc mad dog respects iwa, he has to babysit the playboy child constantly lol. Honestly watching that interaction feels like a child picking favorites with his parents HSKSHK

COME ON ASAHI! Fuck- it's ok buddy! Shake it off!

Oh? Both 1st serves are out! Damn interesting start to 2nd set

Oh shit! MAD DOG'S PLAYING FR THIS TIME! wait why's he coming from the side- HOLY SHIT! I forget that you can actually technically play out of the court a lil as long as the ball doesn't drop

Shit seijo's taking the lead on this set... Lol yeah turnip-head, even I figured it out

Oh shit- A COLLISION! Mad dog's going to be the cause of one of these guys going to the nurse i swear

HHHH come on crows, ya gotta get a point. Oh, well, we take those ig lol

FU- THEY FELL FOR IT SHIT! His hunger to hit the ball is so strong he make a good decoy... Almost like hinata

"how about we make those fangs of yours even sharper" uh oh, oikawa's in scheming mode now

OMG FINALLY THEY GOT A POINT!

LMAO everyone's reactions, they're all wondering just wtf is up with this tennis ball head dude

Fuck another sharp spike- oh nvm then

If noya's having trouble with receiving a spike like that, then you know it's strong af

Ya know i noticed that a lot of the points karasuno's getting are mostly from aoba johsai messing up, which is ok we take those, but I wanna see my crows make their own points

LET'S GO NOYA! Fu- oikawa's being smart nooo. God, oikawa such a good setter and just an overall strategist

13-11 jesus why tf are they so close, it's giving me anxiety

Damn i don't understand a single thing about these hand signals they be doing, but i think its just neat

OMG ARE THEY GONNA DO IT?! BACKROW ATTACK!? HELL YEAH- FUCK, NO! Goddammit oikawa stop being so smart

Oh?? Coach watcha planning? Gonna try having 2 setters on the field?

... I still don't get it even with the exposition hsksh, not smart enough to understand big words. All i got, was that Suga's gonna help take the win, and I'm here for it

Uh oh, oikawa's eyes are serious-serious, this serve's actually gonna land this time. OK NEVERMIND IT WAS OUT, but it's getting better and better and I don't like that

AAA THAT WAS CLOSE! YES TANAKA! Another point!

GSAP OMG, DOUBLE SETTERS IN PLAY, I'm so curious how this is gonna go

OOOH SUGA YOU SMART MOTHERFUCKER! LET'S FUCKING GO!! Keep it going! Don't let mad dog up!

OMG OMG SETTER SWITCH, SETTER SWITCH! HELL YEAH KAGEYAMA, NICE KILL!!

Ok but, hinata just being there in the background between the setter stare off is just hilarious LMAO

Ah shit, ofc that tactic wasn't gonna work for long. Nooo, Suga's gone now, but he made such a good impact for the time he was there

Ya now, I'm starting to recognize the reused animations for certain scenes, like oikawa setting or a ball getting received. Not complaining, it's to be expected

HHHHH fuck karasuno needs a good clutch rn, but idk what other strategy or weapon they could use

Fuck! It's ok hinata, even I fell for it

HOLY SHIT THE SERVING ANIMATION WTF

HHHH oh fuck, how the hell is karasuno gonna win this set...

GSAP OMG OMG, YAMA'S GONNA PLAY, AND HE LOOKS CONFIDENT TOO AAAA

[soysaucevictim]

HHHhh- casually gives self an anxiety spike choosing the wrong payment plan for a purchase online... I'll order this the right way once the funds stops being held for the transaction. HJkjhjh-

This is extremely worrisome...

Gawd... I hope the doubled transaction in Pending balance is because I canceled it immediately. And it will be returned to my balance.

I can't afford this mistake, for this month.

[damienthepious]

it’s lizard kissin’ tuesday.... and we have done a Mean Thing. Sky @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile is responsible for the initial concept and a LOT of this besides. 

No More Changes (I’ll Still Love You The Same) 

[ao3] [chapter 2] [chapter 3] [chapter 4] [chapter 5]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin' Tuesday, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, (tho not THIS chapter certainly), Curses, human!arum, (but not... because he WANTS to be), (it ain't good y'all), Panic Attacks, Overstimulation, Rilla Is Queen Of Comfort, Damien Does Not Consider The Consequences Of His Words, (tho that's not relevant until next chapter...)

Summary: Lord Arum and his Keep have fought off curses before, but they have never dealt with one quite like this. They have never dealt with a curse while having a couple of humans around to help them, either... though it remains to be seen exactly how helpful Arum's lovers will be, in the effort of restoring him.

Notes: We made ourselves sad. Now we are subjecting y'all to the sad. Am I sorry? ..... a little actually, yeah. I promise we'll make it better eventually tho. @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile, thank you SO much for throwing this concept at me and letting me just go berserk about it. I love you!!! Thank you for writing this with me!!! <3 Work title from the song Pristine, by Snail Mail. Chapter title from the song Human, by Dodie. 

Chapter 1 - Paint Me In Trust

~

It is instantaneous. Like a bolt of lightning.

Arum doesn't scream, not exactly. He inhales, sharp and shocked, and when he exhales it sounds as if he's being punched in the stomach, and he collapses to the ground, half-buried in his cape.

"Arum-" Rilla drops her recorder. Doesn't even notice it fall to the floor of the greenhouse as she sprints to the side of the lizard, going to her knees when she's close enough, but when she reaches to turn him onto his side to get a better look-

He feels wrong.

Soft. He feels soft. She pushes the cape aside, and when she rolls Arum onto his back, she finds a panting, glassy-eyed human groaning softly into the folds of the cloth.

"What-" Rilla says blankly, and the human winces, curling into a tighter ball and making a choking sort of noise. "Who-"

"A-Ama-" he chokes, a hand lifting clumsily to press at his throat. "Amaryllis-" he manages, and Rilla loses her own breath.

"Oh Saints," Rilla says faintly. "Arum?"

"What-" he tries again, and his voice is pitched so low that she almost doesn't hear how horribly ordinary it sounds. Soft. No rattle, no roughness to speak of. "Amaryllis, I- I can't-" he presses up on one arm (Rilla can only see two), but he slips, and she only barely catches him before he smacks his face into the dirt.

"Arum, I need you to breathe," she says, halfway on automatic. First steps. Baseline, while her brain races to try to understand exactly what just happened. "Keep," Rilla calls, voice understandably strained. "Keep, do you know what just- what that was?"

There is a pause, and Arum-the-human breathes short strained breaths in her arms, his muscles twitching and jerking. The Keep- sings vaguely, a song that sounds off key with itself. Uncertain, confused.

That song, that wavering, it seems to startle Arum to some sort of coherency, and he tilts his head back, squinting at the ceiling, and Rilla realizes with a sick jolt that his eyes, his human eyes, they aren't purple. They are without color entirely, pale and gray, set in a face that looks vaguely familiar but wrong, like a building remembered from childhood, with walls torn down and reconstructed past the point of recognition.

"Keep?" he asks, his new smooth-soft voice wavering uncertainly, and the Keep fails to answer right away a second time. It sings, after a long moment, and Arum's new unscaled brow furrows, his breath hitching. "Keep. Keep, I can't- speak again. I command you to-"

It sings again, and Rilla recognizes the lilt of desperation in the notes.

"Keep, I can't-" he pauses, snapping his jaw shut, and then he winces at that and presses his hand to his jaw for a clumsy moment before he lifts the hand further, his palm flexing in front of his horrified face. "What- what-"

"Breathe," Rilla says again, and Arum sucks in a breath as he lifts his other hand, and then he twists against her, his back arching just slightly, and she realizes that he's trying to move his other arms. The ones that aren't there, anymore.

"I-" he says, and then he looks up at her, pale gray eyes wide and damp at the corners. "I can't-" he lifts his hands, clumsy as they try to grip her shoulders, and she pulls him to sitting so he isn't entirely on the cold dirt, and his breaths come faster and sharper as he says, "Amaryllis I can't hear your heart-"

He's incoherent after that, for a while. Rilla nearly screams in the effort of getting the Keep to understand her, to get it to focus for long enough to open a portal to Arum's room so she can carry him (easily, Saints but this human body is slight), lift him into her arms while he just clings and hyperventilates until she can set him down in familiar sheets.

Arum keeps brushing his hands over his own skin and wincing, keeps twisting and flinching away from the sheets when he touches them, and Rilla knows overstimulation when she sees it and honestly there's a logic to that, isn't there? Arum has spent his entire life in scales, and he’s nowhere close to unfeeling, his scales are plenty sensitive in their own right but it's different from human skin and now he's- he's human, and-

She keeps trying to make her mind wrap around that. Trying to make it make sense. It doesn't, obviously.

Regardless of sense, it's true. Arum is, currently and uncomfortably, human. With smooth dark skin and grey eyes and dark hair that falls down around his shoulders in unkempt waves, with nearly a full foot of height stolen from him somewhere.

She shakes her head. Situation at hand, Rilla. One problem at a time. He's overstimulated, terrified if the look in his eyes is anything to go by. She climbs up onto the bed beside him, and when he turns his panicked eyes towards her she tries a grim, sturdy little smile, and then she carefully, gently pulls him into an embrace, arranging him so that his head is resting on her collarbone.

"Just breathe," she whispers. "Try to breathe with me, okay? I know you're scared, and that's- honestly that's totally fair, but right now you have to calm down or you're gonna make yourself ill or make yourself pass out. Just- focus on my breathing, and try to make yourself slow down enough to breathe with me."

His body presses into hers, his hands alternately squeezing her and fluttering away when the contact gets too much, but after a moment he goes still, and his breathing hitches instead of slowing.

"Hey," she says softly. "Hey, please Arum, you've gotta-"

"I can- I can hear your heart now. I- you need be this close? Amaryllis I feel- my ears and tongue and eyes and nose have been dulled by half and half again, how- how-"

"Oh," Rilla says, and she wonders if he can hear the way that makes her heart stumble with sympathy, with fear. "Oh sweetheart I'm sorry, but you have to- oh Arum-"

He clenches his jaw, clinging tighter against her, pressing his ear over her heart and pressing his eyes defiantly closed, but she can feel his shoulders shaking, can see the tracks of tears running down his face.

"Even this," he hisses miserably. "I don't- is it- is this why the poet is always-" he stops to shake for a moment. "I can't make this stop-"

"I know, sweetheart," she says in a whisper, and she tries not to follow right behind him into shaking, into weeping. "I've got you, I've got you." She doesn't tell him to breathe again. She merely rubs her hands as softly as she can on his back, holds him against her and lets him hear her steady, steady heart. She hums, and holds him, and lets his tears play out.

It takes a little while. That makes sense, too; it’s not as if Arum has much practice holding back tears like this.

“I- I’m- I apologize, Amaryllis," Arum mutters eventually, when he has managed at last to match his breathing to Rilla's, murmuring the words into the skin of her throat. "That was-” his mouth twists miserably, mortification clear on his face.

“Don’t. Arum, this is- I mean, as far as I know this is fairly unprecedented,” she says with a wry frown. “It’s a perfectly reasonable response to have.”

“Nevertheless,” he mutters, and then he pulls himself reluctantly away from her skin, sitting with a wince. He lifts his arms again, scowling as he looks down on overly soft, clear skin, on stubby fingers with blunt nails.

“So,” Rilla says, matter-of-fact. “This is magic, obviously.”

“Obviously,” he grumbles.

“And obviously, you know more about that than I do,” she says, a long-suffering sort of admission. “So, do you have any idea what could cause something like this? Any clues, any suspicions, any suspects?”

“Punishment.”

Rilla blinks. “Punishment?”

He sighs, winces, reaches a hand up to touch his own cheek. “Working for the Senate- I never should have put myself into that position. They have- they have safeguards to prevent betrayal.”

“And you didn’t think this was worth mentioning before now?” Rilla asks incredulously.

“I have been… since the Terminus, since us, the Keep and I have been layering defenses, magical and otherwise. While the Senate scrambled to recover after the loss of their weapon- I thought- I hoped I would have enough time. I hoped that I would be unimportant enough to them to slip through the cracks, but-” he winces, his hand pressing against his throat for a moment and his eyes going distant and uncertain, and then he works his jaw awkwardly before he mutters, “I sound… so strange.”

“You were layering defenses,” Rilla redirects gently, softly touching his shoulder, hoping she can draw him back before the distress overwhelms him again. “How do you think this- whatever this is. How did it get through?”

Arum ducks his head. “I… the Keep and I… we focused our efforts mainly upon the swamp itself, and the Keep.”

“What,” Rilla says, voice blank with horror. “What about you, you idiot?”

“The Keep is more important,” he hisses, his eyes slipping closed. “Protecting it is my purpose, Amaryllis. If it dies, so too does this entire swamp. And so too would I, as well. It is not entirely unselfish. If the Keep dies, everything here dies with it. If I die…” he shrugs. “I would rather not, obviously, but if I die, the Keep survives. It produces another familiar, and it continues to create and nurture life and magic in this place.”

“Rather not,” Rilla says faintly. “Arum-”

“It is not a choice I enjoy making, but it is an easy choice, in the end.”

Rilla hates that a part of her understands his logic. Most of her, though, is furious that he would discount himself that way. “Next time maybe try protecting both, jackass,” she says, her voice wavering.

He smiles, grim and strange. “Next time,” he echoes.

“So,” Rilla says, shaking her head and clearing her throat. “So. It’s probably the Senate, or someone working for them,” she says. “That’s a good theory, and I think it’s safe to run with it. So, why this? Why turn you into a human? Why not just-”

“Kill me?” He laughs. “I am certain some would have preferred that. But there is a certain… rationale to this. A clear message in the execution. I have aligned myself with humans, yes? This is all to say that if I would join them, I may do it properly.”

Rilla feels her stomach twist. “You think they know about us?” she asks, her voice low.

“Doubtful,” he says with a sigh. “Not the two of you specifically, at least. But they are aware that I was responsible for the destruction of the Hermit, they are aware that I was not cast off the edge of the world, and they are aware of… rumors.”

“Rumors.”

He glances to her, his entire expression gone soft and open. “Of a human claiming, quite publicly, to love me.”

Her heart plummets. It must show on her face, because Arum blinks in surprise and reaches a clumsy hand up to touch her shoulder.

“Amaryllis-”

“This is because- because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut? Saints I’m so-” she clenches her teeth, “stupid, Arum I’m-”

“Hush,” Arum says, frowning. “Don’t be foolish. This is not your fault, no more than it is the fault of a certain knight for failing to kill me. There are rumors of that, as well, you know. The fault lies solely with whoever concocted this spiteful little scheme.”

“Still,” Rilla says, her brow furrowed. “Still. If it contributed-”

“Hush,” he says again, the hand on her shoulder squeezing gently. “You did not do this to me.”

“No,” she says with a sigh, and then she straightens, her eyes taking on a determined glint as she pulls Arum’s hand into her own. “No, but I’m gonna be the one who helps you fix it.”

Arum’s expression falls again, open and raw, and Rilla’s heart clenches for all the ways he clearly does not know how to hide his feelings in this body.

“Y-yes,” he says, his voice wavering.

“If someone did this,” Rilla says with a scowl, “we can undo it.”

He stares at her for a moment, grateful, surprised, hopeful, and then tears roll over Arum’s cheeks again, and he swipes at his face with his jaw clenched hard as Rilla makes a small noise, pulling him close.

"The lot of you creatures can't possibly feel this way at every moment,” he mutters viciously, struggling in the effort to push back the tears, to control the shaking in his voice. “As if- as if every touch is scalding and sharp, as if you can only half interpret the world, all sense sliced to unsatisfactory fractions. As if you are but a breath from breaking at all moments. You cannot possibly feel this way."

“No,” Rilla says softly. “No, I think that’s- that’s just by comparison. Your senses are a hell of a lot keener than ours, and your scales provide a lot more natural protection. If I got suddenly put in a body like yours, I bet I’d be overwhelmed by all the new noises and smells and sights, and I’d feel like my sense of touch got all wrapped up in cotton or dipped in wax. It’d be distressing in just the opposite way.”

That makes… a certain amount of sense. Arum grumbles under his breath and winces when the noise is not accompanied by the usual growl. It feels as if someone reached into his throat and replaced his own vocal chords with some foreign flute. Not that that particular point is the worst of this, but it is distracting.

“Shit,” Rilla says softly, and Arum blinks and focuses back on her.

“What?”

“I was supposed to-” she sighs. “I have to go send an entire frickin’ flock of pigeons, now. I don’t have time to deal with my regular appointments while we’re busy fixing this.”

Arum’s heart lurches in two completely different directions at once, both grateful that she would put her work, her healing aside temporarily for him, and simultaneously wracked with nerves at the idea that she is going to leave him alone in this state, even for a little while. He swallows roughly.

She’s too perceptive for his own good, though. She notices the look on his face, and when she smiles softly he wishes he could growl at the sympathy in her eyes. He frowns instead, hoping it carries some measure of his ire.

“I won’t be long,” she says softly. “I just need to send some messages and gather some materials and notes that might be handy. Tell you what, though- Damien should be getting out of his meeting soon and he was already planning on springing a surprise visit today-” she pauses to grin a little more playfully. “Ruined the surprise on that one, but I’m sure the both of you will forgive me. Anyway, he’s free for the rest of the day, so I’ll give him the rundown and he can come through and help you out for a bit while I’m taking care of the unavoidable stuff. Sound fair?”

Arum wrinkles his strange short nose, seething that she would imply he requires help-

But he does need some measure of help, actually. Loathe as he is to admit it. He can barely manage to stand without his tail, with his legs so short and oddly bent. And Amaryllis has done very much in their time together, to help him understand that she and Damien will not judge him for this. That they want to help, when he so needs. And it is still... difficult, but Arum is trying. If ever he had no choice but to be vulnerable, now is that time. At least the universe is kind enough to bring him so low while he has such bright creatures to hold him and help him. Small miracles within such a nightmare.

He sighs, curling his arms awkwardly around his knees. “Very well, Amaryllis.”

“I won’t be long,” she says again as she slips from the bed, and then she leans back down and presses a kiss to his brow. It feels so much more vivid, the pressure more intense but less warm, on skin rather than scales. “Try to rest in the meantime, though, okay?”

“Rest,” Arum mutters derisively. “As if I can go cavorting with these malformed limbs-”

“Your body went through one hell of a shock,” she barrels on, pretending as if she didn’t even hear him. “I don’t want you to strain yourself any more than strictly necessary. Okay?”

He grumbles again, but she looks down at him sternly, her hands on her hips.

“Okay, Arum?”

He narrows his eyes at her, and his face feels hot. “Yes, doctor,” he mutters, but then he leans towards her in the familiar way, an unspoken request.

Her frown softens, and she bends to embrace him gently and press another kiss to his cheek, and before she pulls away she murmurs, “We’ll fix this. Whatever it takes.”

His throat is tight and hot and horrible for a moment, but he nods. “Whatever it takes,” he echoes, and then he allows her to settle the blankets around his shoulders before she calls for a portal to her hut.

The Keep takes a few extra moments to listen, but it does listen, and when Rilla is gone and the portal is closed and Arum is alone, and human, and alone, he finally pinpoints a feeling that has been squirming at the back of his mind since he collapsed in the greenhouse.

He feels half deafened, with these strange human ears. It is less dramatic than the weakness of his vision, or the utter travesty of his olfactory capabilities.

But his limited hearing is not the reason that all around him feels so… muffled.

Arum realizes, at last, the final strangeness of this transformation. The final cruelty. It is quiet, now that Amaryllis has left him. More than that, though. It is silent, in a foreign way. The Keep creaks around him as always, but Arum finally realizes what has been missing.

He cannot hear the Keep. Not really. He cannot feel it. He cannot sense it, steady at the edges of his mind, where its presence has always before been, sturdy and safe. Even when it slept after its illness, Arum could still feel that it was there, even if it was not aware or present. Now, though.

Now, Arum is alone.

Alone in his own mind, wearing skin that does not fit him, helpless as a hatchling without even his closest kin for comfort.

Arum closes his eyes. He does not have the strength for anything else, just now. He curls into as tight a ball as he can manage, his cape and his blankets an overwhelming pressure he cannot stand to remove, and he settles in to wait for one of his lovers to return.

[bangtanloverboys]

.

[xeneric-shrooms]

Drinking coffee and going back to school is the worst fucking experience if you have anxiety

[tiamisu]

nothing like scary noises outside my window at 3am...

[kaguraspetsims]

hhhhh im v nervous

we’re going to Bacon’s parents’ house for thanksgiving (just with immediate family, making sure not to gather too many people and avoiding putting his grandmother in danger at all costs). 

Originally I was going with his sister in law as well, and she and i have been in very similar issues regarding abusive parents, so i was more comfy to have someone i could sit in the corner with if i needed to chill for a sec (my anxiety is spiking lol). Unfortunately, she’s going to be at work that day, so I’m gonna be on my own in terms of handling things with anxiety.

Bacon’s got 2 brothers - one of them we live with (+ sister in law), and the other...is less than good. When i first met him, he shook my hand and said “hi, im the shitty brother” (which like...look, maybe its my paranoia, but that was a huge red flag in terms of manipulation tactics). Which like...I know Bacon and our roommates have mentioned hes not great but I was willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

There was another situation where he actually freaked me out real bad (i won’t go into it now, but im just glad im constantly with Bacon when we’re around this brother ; ~ ;), and a more recent event that has me worried about friction between him and the brother we live with...ugh.

I was gonna sit in a corner with Bacon’s SIL and let the less-than-ok brother do his passive aggressive thing while we internally freaked out with each other but it looks like I’ll just have to hide behind my bf instead u n u

[denki-kaminari-anon]

maybe a forehead kith 🥺

idk i just feel like a huge idiot and I’m really upset with myself

i have calmed down a bit but i hate that i just can’t sleep :/ the thought of having to wake up early and do all these things makes me so anxious so i hate that too :( i also planned to sleep in but guess not,,, hhhhh sorry... ohmygod that reminds me, i hate that i say sorry all the time too omfg💀 why am i like this 😔

~🧁

It’s okay! Whatever makes you comfortable is okay with me! You never have to apologize to me, but I know telling people that can spike their anxiety, so please just make sure you’re doing what makes you feel at ease with me, because I love you!

*gently kisses your forehead*

I hope you manage to get some good sleep, princess 🥺

[alolanrain]

HHHHH I have so many fucking AU’s, but here have another one!

I’m calling this the Nightmare!AU and it will be explained in another post after I get around to uploading the first chapter. Or if you’re interested you could DM me for more information!

———————————————————————

Leon felt vile in his throat as he flung himself from the hotel bed and barging into the adjacent bathroom. He always hated puking when he was little, the taste was worse than his Grandmas cooking. But it’s the only thing he could do at the moment as his hands gripped the toilet bowl ledge.

It took him a few minutes to calm down, anxiety and panic still spiking every now and then when a floorboard creaked or when Charizard shifted a little too loudly in its sleep.

Leon just couldn’t get the memory out of his head. The bright lights, the other world, the man with white hair and crazed eyes. It all spun before Leon and he felt like he was a loose soul trapped in a marinette doll, the God’s twisting and jerking the strings to make the body that wasn’t his own move and dodge every thing that wanted to kill it.

As he laid his head down on the rim of the bowl the image of a late teenage boy with black hair and dark red eyes took over his vision. The tip of Leons fingers still felt numb and he had to force himself to unclench his hands as they had balled back up, like how they were in Giratina’s fur and the dented metal of the flying ship-thingy.

The door to his hotel room suddenly burst open just as Leon was falling back asleep with his head still resting against the toilet rim.

“Leon!” It sounded like Raihan, the gym leader sounded pretty desperate by the tone of his voice.

“Bathroom!” Leon tried to yell, hoping that the open door would somehow make it up for the Champions lack of voice and the wide open sweat.

Raihan, followed by Nessa and Piers hot on the Dragon trainers tail, rounded into the white bathroom with panicked eyes that took in the scene before him.

Leon probably doesn’t look all that well if he was honest; he had just woken up from the second night of memory-nightmares, slumped over the toilet with no doubt a few flecks of puke clinging onto his beard.

Raihan deflated as a scared knowing look fell over his facial features. “It hit you too.” his shoulders slumped as Raihan walked further into the bathroom to flush away whatever Leon had thrown up in the toilet. Going to grab a warm washcloth for the fallen Champion to use.

“Who else?” Leon asked as his forever rival helped him stand. Charizard peeking behind the other two gym leaders by the bathroom door but went away when Leon waved the lizard off.

“All the gym leaders-” Nessa tried to state before Piers interrupted her.

“All the league members is Galar, this is including Chairman Rose, Oleana, Professor Mongolia, Sonia, and every Pokemon doctor on hand along with every Nurse Joy. “ Piers fingers flew over his phone, Leon deftly remembers his phone blowing up as he tripped himself getting to the bathroom before he blew chunks over the wooden floors. “Even every Officer jenny and their men had gotten hit by a nightmare as well.”

Raihan was hovering over Leon as he helped the Champion back through the door and to the messy bed. “What do you think, Leon?” His eyes darting around the room, like he could find whatever is plaguing everyone.

If Leon was honest, he didn't know. He didn’t know what was going on at all. Like the God’s have taken everyone's fate into their own hands instead of leaving them to the cruelty of fate. He opened his mouth to speak, to say anything, but all that comes out is nothing. Another wave of anxiety and fear made his legs buckled that caused Raihan to catch him as Leon almost crashed down to the floor again.

Leon only said a small thanks as Raihan heaved him up onto his bed. Leon’s legs don’t work, his hands are numb, and it felt like the walls were closing in on him.

Raihans hand soothed from the back of his neck to the junction of his shoulder, staying there as he sat beside Leon and pressed their thighs together.

Nessa and Piers were talking, but Leon couldn’t really hear them over the sounds of rushing winds and howls from a beast not from this world. He peaked up at Raihan who plastard himself to Leon, not that the Champion minded since the touch and smell kept him somewhat grounded. Leon had never seen the gym leader act like this, act so possessive, his bright blue eyes would go from Leon to Piers then finally to Nessa before going to the doors then repeat. Like he was waiting for something more dangerous bursting through the hotel door.

[scribble-fics]

Tetsutetsu headcannons with a s/o who's socially awkward (I ask this cause I'm socially awkward, also this boi needs luv!!)

((Hhhhhh tetsutetsu is like my one weakness in this world lol))

♡- tetsutetsu would think you being socially awkward is kinda funny and cute. The way you studder out answers or bite your lip in an awkward moment is just to die for.

♡- he would make sure that you were comfortable though. As funny and cute as it is, he knows you struggle a whole lot with stuff like this.

♡- if the social situation gets too rambunctious and he starts noticing your anxiety levels rising, he's quick to pull you out of those situations.

♡- in be start of the relationship, tetsu realized how awkward you were at times with him and picked up really quick that you were socially awkward.

♡- he had a feeling you were before you two started dating, but ge didn't want to assume.

♡- he's fine with not attending giant social gathering such as dances or what not if you dont want to. He knows that your anxiety can spike though the roof and is perfectly fine with not going.

♡- although at the same time he wants to push you. Thats the only way you'll really get over it, training to be in better control of your anxiety and social awkwardness.

♡- baby steps though. He'll take you to small friend group meetups, and work his way from there. Making sure to never push you too far.

((Let me state this again hhhhh^^^^ my one weakness💖💖 he really does need to be shown more in the anime i love himmmm))

[amsetritre]

Rules: Answer the twenty-three questions and then tag twenty (ish) people you want to get to know better!

Name: Cuio Zodiac Sign: Aries Height: 5′3 Languages Spoken: English, Dutch Favourite Fruit: Watermelon, mango Favourite Scent: hhhhh. not sure, blown out candles? Favourite Colour: Red, Black Favourite Animal: ALL but especially cats Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Tea and coffee Favourite Character(s): Dude I have so many of these. Xeph, Aragorn (LotR), Moira and Gabe (Overwatch), Jamie (Outlander), Holt (B99), Ardyn (FFXV), Geralt (Witcher), Lestat (Vampire Chronicles), Spike Buffy)... look i could go on forever Dream Trip: NC, Scotland and I really wanna go to Russia When Was Your Blog Created: lmao like 2 weeks ago Last Movie Seen: Nappily Ever After Song on repeat: At the moment, a lot of Bastille Favourite Candy: Crisps Favourite Holiday: I don’t really have one? Halloween is cool Random Fact About You One: I also speak Vulcan, Quenya, Spanish, Russian, Scottish Gaelic, French and German but all only VERY LITTLE Random Fact About You Two: I can speedread, more or less, self-taught Random Fact About You Three: I take medication for my anxiety

Tagged by: @spiderlinginaonesie Tagging: Anyone at all!