#hey so I’m freaking out
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DOGS IS A SCRAPPED TITLE FROM PAPER KINGDOMS??? UMMM?? IDC ITS STILL POSSIBLE IM NOTTT OK AT ALLLL RIGHT NOW. I was snoozing when they posted it and as soon as I woke up I saw it LIKE HELLO? GUYS WE ARE SO BACKKKK
#mcr#emo#frank iero#gerard way#ray toro#mcr tumblr#mcr5#epic sauce#hey so I’m freaking out#paper kingdoms
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sorry if I become extra annoying im kinda tweaking over being on my own for the first time sooooo I might let myself become extra indulgent 💔💔💔
#‘aren’t u already super indulgent’ you’d be surprised#everything will be tagged either fanfic bullshit or gayalanwoke if you wanna block 😭#sorry i kinda maybe sorta will be having a moment. for a while.#idk if I can call myself disabled. but like yall know I have diagnosed cptsd and suspected-autism#sooooooo#taking care of myself is. not easy. At all#I can hardly manage with my parents#and now . idk. basically my routine for the past 20 years is being disrupted and im not handling it well#not only that. just.#again like I said taking care of myself in general is really hard#AND I have . college now.#lord 😭#I’ve always been a straight a student in high school and community college right#four months after my cptsd developed? I dropped out of community college 🫠#bc I literally couldn’t handle it#that was last February#now im at a . four year school#so#im tweaking#like actually this time#and since hyperfixations are All Consuming . they are as helpful as they are debilitating yk#so like yes this show/the fic might contribute to education problems. buttttt it’ll also stop me from crashing out!!!!!#so . yeah. yall might be hearing a bit more from me 😵💫#or#I’ll become extremely self conscious and never follow through#sorry#this is so funny I’m freaking out that yall might be angry im posting abt stuff that makes me happy LMFAOAOO#THIS IS LITERALLY ALL IN MY HEAD LMAOOOO#yall: hey gayalanwake! what’s up? cool binder. hey gayalanwake! wanna come over to my house today? :D#me: they alllll hated me 🐺
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I love horses but if they could stop nipping me that would be nicd
#turtledove yells into the abyss#We had our resident um. Difficult Horse out today#and he’s not genuinely difficult like he’s not bucking or actively lashing out (if he was he wouldn’t be a camp horse)#Anyway so I’m walking alongside him and his rider and very sure to give him space bc I know he doesn’t like ppl on the ground around him#(he’s incredibly chill about people being in the saddle just doesn’t like people on the ground)#And this motherfucker is going good he’s doing GREAT he’s calm he’s chill and then he walks off the rail#OVER TO ME#and I’m like ‘Oh hey [rider] keep him on the rail please 😊’#AND THEN THE LIL FREAK BITES MY ARM 😭😭#Not seriously he only barely nipped me but BRO WHAT DID I DOOO 😭😭😭😭
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Last post before I crash and no-one hears from me until I return from my first final the morrow’s eve (a changed man no doubt) but there’ll never be anything funnier to me than consistently being viewed as a composed and calm saviour by peers while I’m, actively and uncontrollably losing it.
#not said sarcastically or as a vent by the way I genuinely find it so terribly amusing. you think I have it together ? aw <3 you fool.#i’ve been pacing around my room like a starving lion since the past week in whatever free time i’ve had.#and i keep getting people in my messages begging me for last minute help ? which is endearing but. i’m hanging on for dear life myself#helping isn’t foreign to me; i have 4 (?) people in my class who almost exclusively refer to me as ma’am and even refer to me as a teacher.#but helping last minute is so. deeply chaotic.#and I have this issue with me where having others around me makes me immediately drop into a ‘role’ of sorts?#i’ll be freaking out but then someone else starts freaking out around me and my immediate response is to just.#hey. we are going to make it out of this. it’s easy as pie. do you see me worried? no right? <- on the verge of hyperventilating#there’s this one guy in particular who got so excited to find out we have the exact same examination set-up tomorrow.#i gave him like basic pointers and i don’t think i’ve ever been thanked so earnestly and desperately in my life.#i remember during mocks my friends would message me what I wrote in questions and then they’d immediately go oh thank Fuck.#they’d literally just act like they’re absolutely going to pass now just because we had points in common.#as if i’m some sort of fucked up correct answer sheet incarnate.#it’s genuinely really sweet to me though; like i’m not posting this ranting or such.#having so much faith in another to the point that you can put yourself completely at ease says. alot i think.#and i’m glad i can be that person for so many.#and I feel like it helps me in a way too because i become so concerned with others that I forget to drown myself in my worries.#i forget that I’m worried because there are others to care about and console and help. so i suppose they help me in a way as well.#but also who is going to be that person for ME. who is going to console ME. im going fucking neurotic /jest#<- woman with ego issues & control issues who would rather die than accept help.#sigh. oh well. I’m sure we’ll do just fine. cannot wait#🥀🍷 — colloquy.
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Spotify prompt! Knuckles and tails, an 19 :)
Oh hoho! You managed to land FightSong by EVE (<- YouTube link), a song that by all rights shoulda been #2 (<- I refuse to pay Spotify money).
Hmm…. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything with Super Sonic Speed, but I always did intend to write follow-ups…
.•.•.•.
The city is unbelievably loud. They’re in what Sonic had called a shopping district, and it’s apparently very popular. Knuckles would kind of like to go home, a lot, actually, but Tails is flirting from one shop to another and he doesn’t have it in him to shut the kid down. Sonic is somewhere on the periphery of their little group— he and Tails had bonded, thick as thieves, and Knuckles— well, he tolerated the guy.
Tails gasps like he’s seeing the sun rise for the first time, excited enough that he’s lifting off the ground. Knuckles ambles over, grabs him by the ankle, and pulls him back down. He’s looking at some sort of… thing. Knuckles can’t make heads or tails of it, but it’s definitely saying something to Tails.
Hmm. He is, at least, familiar with the idea of shops. Chao liked to set them up, sometimes, selling fruit or handmade crafts for rings, but Knuckles has no idea if their idea of currency and everyone else’s aligns. Would the shopkeep accept a fruit? Most chao did. It isn’t like rings are a problem, so…
Knuckles turns, seeking out Sonic in the crowd. There he is— stiff as anything, glancing frantically back and forth between Knuckles and some other hedgehog, a pink one. One of his friends, maybe? They look irritated, maybe not. Knuckles steps away from Tails, invites himself into their conversation.
“and you just RAN OFF—“ the hedgehog is shouting. Sonic cracks his mouth open, a faint wheeze escaping.
“Hey,” Knuckles says.
“—do you have ANY IDEA how WORRIED I was—“
This looks like a battle Sonic is better off fighting on his own. Still, Knuckles needs his question answered. “Hey,” he repeats, slightly louder.
“—I mean, I knew you were alright because my cards said so, but—“
“Hey Knuckles,” Sonic manages to crack out, “this is Amy.”
Amy tilts her head at him, and then gives him a sharp, discerning once-over. “Are you one of his other friends?” She asks.
“Yeah, sure,” Knuckles says, and then “do rings work as currency down here?”
She blinks at him, as if this is a weird thing to ask. “Yes?” She says.
“Okay,” Knuckles says, nodding, “try not to scare him too bad.”
Any lingering confusion evaporates, and she whirls around to find Sonic trying to sneak away. “AGAIN!” she shouts, full of conviction, and Knuckles makes his way back to where he left Tails. He isn’t pressed up against the glass anymore, so Knuckles steps into the store. Yeah, there he is. Hovering— literally— over the same display.
Knuckles takes a moment to properly observe, rooting around for the terms Tails would use, in an attempt to ensure he gets the right thing. There’s a looping track, and a few other gadgets on the sides. A switch, one of them looks like, and some barricade, and a few blinking lights. On the track itself is a… sideways cylinder, set on wheels, connected to a few boxes, puffing out smoke— or steam, maybe. Tails is absorbed enough in watching it chug along that he doesn’t even realize Knuckles is standing right next to him. Knuckles’ll just have to make sure he comes up for air, occasionally.
He casts about the rest of the store, vaguely lost. There are a lot of displays, and a lot of colourful boxes. Knuckles picks up one, flips it over, and realizes swiftly he is out of his depth. He brings the box over to Tails, handing it to him. Tails holds onto it for a full few seconds, watching with bated breath as the cylinder switches tracks, before he looks down. His fur all along his spine puffs up, and he turns to look at Knuckles so fast he has to wonder if Sonic hasn’t started to rub off on him in more ways than one. That’s the right box, for sure.
“Really?” Tails asks, voice breathy with excitement, and Knuckles ruffles his fur instinctually.
“‘Course.”
Maybe the shopping district isn’t that bad.
#eggthew#prompt fill#askbox#uhhh so. I kind of barely followed fightsong at all I CAN EXPLAIN#went off the visuals instead of the lyrics. two people running around in city. ooh I could do knuckles protecting tails from Eggman in some#kind of egg city! ah hang on there’s the eggperial city arc in idw and I haven’t read that yet. so I’m not confident in portraying it. hmmm#I could do a Different egg city… man Knuckles and Tails. what a great pair. I really enjoyed writing them in super sonic speed. hey! I could#do super sonic speed’s Knuckles’s first time in a city! maybe he gets kind of freaked out? escape from the city haha#well tails would be familiar with cities. and sonic would be there ofc but I’ll shuffle him off to the side so he doesn’t hog the spotlight#I could do tails looking at a shop! yeah! and knuckles needs to ask how currency works but sonic is… busy? hmm. oh! a city!!!! amy lives in#a city!! she runs into sonic! which keeps him from coming back over with knuckles. I always did mean to write her reunion with sonic.#that’ll be nice to do. alright. perfect. it’s all working out. get to the final few lines. think ‘hey how did I end up with this anyway.’#pulse of adrenaline as my brain goes OH YEAH FIGHTSONG. ach.#I’m happy w this though :)#knuckles: I Tolerate sonic. at best.#sonic: hey I am in a vaguely uncomfortable situation#knuckles *rolling up metaphorical sleeves*: do I need to kick ass#Amy making a mental note: sonic apparently befriending a space alien okay okay cool#they meet up for ice cream. knuckles is inflicted with curse of immediate brainfreeze. tails is So Excited about his new model train set#within a week he mods it to A) be strong enough to pull the Master Emerald and B) be armed.
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unmedicated anxiety disorder person befuddled by brain doing the disorder
#this shit is fucking crazy#im like ok! lets get our clothes out bcoz i know u’re gonna freak out but this will make it easier#and then i’m like oh my fucking god what if people look at me#and then i’m like no i dont give a fuck but then i do i do so bad#it quite literally always takes jumping myself and beating my brain with hammers just to go Do Something#like i will map out my route. i will envision myself walking that route. i will be like yes i can see myself in this building i need 2 go 2#all of that? FICKLE.#2024 xanax in my mouth plsplsplsllspls#.jrnl#i dont mean to psychoanalyze my family before 12pm but u ever have two parents who clearly have anxiety but as ure growing up theyre like#why dont u talk to ppl??? its a little weird ure this shy?? and then when u talk to ppl u’re reprimanded to HELL#and its like hey guys i unfortunately dont think this cycle can be broken i am ur literal child and u gave me this#and the world but its all the same shit fucking itself into top ten worst brain to have#me: u can go to the store and nothing will happen to u! [SOBBING]
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I think I hate my neighbors
#Holy fuck. Stop it. Stop shooting fireworks#Hey buddy. If you really wanna set off illegal fire works can you at least leave the neighborhood to do it#It’s 9 o’clock. Which means a) people are trying to sleep and b) it’s not even fucking dark out#I’m gonna lose my mind#Literally fucking stop#It’s so loud#They do this all the damn time#My dog is freaking out I’m trying to sleep#And this neighborhood is full of young children. As in children being put to bed at 8. Children who don’t need a fucking firework show at 9#I’m not talking small fire works btw. They’ve got some of the big ones#Also if the past is anything to go off they’re drinking#So#Hate that
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#the magnus archives#tma#magpod#tma web#tma corruption#the corruption#the web#arachnids#thinking about amblypygi again#everyone please take a moment to appreciate amblypygi#(i’m fond of all these little guys but those are my favorite non-spider arachnids)#anyways yeah i know the fears aren’t completely distinct etc. but i am curious where people draw the line of Web vs. Corruption#personally i would consider it a grey area because i’ve seen a lot of folks on r/spiders go “hey can i get an id on this spider?”#with arachnids that were not spiders#especially the weird ones like tailless whip scorpions and pseudoscorpions#but if you are freaked out by bugs in general you will probably still get a little nervous around these little guys#but i like forcing people to decide things#so i made it a poll#sorry to arachnologypost on my podcast sideblog again 😔#(this will not be the last time)#anyways the more i think about this the more i find myself tempted to make a chart of arachnids from most Corruption to most Web#because i feel like some of them are very spider like but others are very much not#like opiliones? spider like af. amblypygi? not quite as spidery imo but also there’s a reason that they’re sometimes called whip spiders#pseudoscorpions? those are just fuckign bugs.#uropygi? weird looking bug but still not very spider
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never mind I have to temporarily give up. I can’t write under these conditions
#I have maybe 1k words though!#my mother won’t stop talking to me about my shitty sister and the custody agreement she’s trying to get thrown out so she gets her kid back#and like. I have heard the update to the situation a dozen fucking times now. stop talking to me about shittany please I’m sick of her#and I try to remind her to stop talking like shittany is going to win next week at court and she snaps at me that we just don’t know#and yeah fair but my idiot sister lied in her court documents so I doubt she can prove our lawyer coerced her into signing the papers#when they never even met#anyway. I’m angry now djdjsjshhsha. my mother just catastrophizes and catastrophizes and catastrophizes#and changes the plan six dozen times. we’re supposed to go on a road trip but now we have this custody hearing#commit to a fucking plan and stop fucking talking to me about it!!#and I’ve got one brother banging on the piano or trying to talk to me#the other sulking bc he’s pissy but no one knows why#my dad is mowing or something and it’s so freaking loud#the deaf dog barks at nothing nonstop#and my nephew hums and sings to himself while he stims#I’m about to pull a grinch level rant about the amount of noise holy fuck#but hey! 1k words! and I’m not even finished with Marcia’s section of this fic! five more people to go!
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Shenzi: *tells him the truth about Scar*
Cheezi: Okay, I think we made a mistake.
Shenzi: *asks him to join her clan so they can be safe*
Cheezi: how dare.
#ooc#Sorry this really made me laugh because#that really bothered him the most and it’s funny to me#I know Kat said once that Ed does not want to freak Cheezi out#so I can imagine Ed took it slowly with Cheezi especially after Cheezi found out who he is#and likely let him approach on his own accord#no asking to join him in the backlands because he has a clan#and from the vague information he got Cheezi is happy so just let him be there but they will visit each other#and then Shenzi for understandable reasons was worried and asks him to join her clan for safety and Cheezi‘s over here like#a bit late for that isn’t it????#you think you can just show up and bring our clan out of order???#you ain’t got no idea what we have been through together we ain’t throwing away all that and start from scratch#and like it would have been the same had Ed tried to do that when they first met#he is still coming to terms with it all and everything has been so complicated lately#and I’m sorry but that interaction makes me laugh#i love it#listen Shenzi is totally valid because of her experiences with Scar#and she wants them to be safe which is understandable#but Cheezi is over here like ….that fear cannot come from just getting blamed and now I am even more worried#i just find it hilarious that his mind got stuck on the 'hey join my clan’ part because he is over here like#SLOWLY PLEASE#and she says no rush but he’s here like ….hm. idk what to think anymore I need some space#I don’t know why I find that interaction hilarious
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L’shana Tova!
#mine#me#I just bawled on the phone to my mom for an hour because I was a bit snippy after the beautiful dinner I made for everyone#but I couldn’t help it because my uncle all of a sudden is very….trumpy adjacent#and I also just got snappy at my mom#and when everyone left I started crying#I was sad about Nick#and I texted my sister just being like hey sorry if I was snippy just had a long week#and I was already planning to call my mom#but my sister was like you did great today just extend the same courtesy to mum#so that just made me feel worse#so I called my mom crying which she hates#and I apologized and then we talked about some other things#I think I’m tired#my brother and his fam was supposed to come#but they all have a bad cold so they didn’t come and we were all bummed#oh and my sister was annoyed with Henry#but babies freak him out#so the poor thing was in my room all day#but her dog acts up all the time when people come over and he’s EIGHT#I had a nice phone call with my Nannie though#rosh hashanah
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😑 ugh I am feeling them withdrawals.
#tw depressing thoughts#tw sui ideation#she’s cute my stomach pain is back#random but I had the wonderful privilege of having some shitty physical anxiety that shit ruined my gi track 😑 i has to get so sick because#my body was worn down from freaking out the time my heart was racing stomach in knots bitch could not think straight and the constant su#thoughts and negative thoughts was daily and just intense 😑#that shit got worst as I got older which I mean makes sense because more stakes but if I left it unmanaged hmm probably would’ve started#doing drugs tbh#or died idk I’m just reminded myself of hey you feel better bitch never forget to take your medicine 😑#that is all
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No mames porque soy así
Claro, es que- no se
No se nada de porque es tan difícil a decir ‘no’
No se nada de eso!
Bueno, ahora tengo dos biblias
NO QUIERO HACER ESO PERO JAIFSINASJKNFAJKFNSJA
SE VEAN MIS ZAPATOS QUE ESTAN GAY Y ESO ES COMO SE HACE?????
Ahora tengo algo para leer, pero todavía wey
#aster talks#aster speaks spanish#sometimes i only know how to express myself in spanish#especially when there’s other people around#BECAUSE FUCK I CAN’T SAY THIS SHIT OUT LOUD#…so yeah my mexican ass has 2 bibles now#and i’m going to get some other book#because i can’t fucking say no#so i’m just here mildly freaking out in spanish#because what else am i gonna do?#some old guy saw me taking pictures of bees and was like ‘you should have a bible’#and i was like ‘sure i got time before my class’#and then some other guys were like ‘hey you wanna hear this thing?’#and i was like ‘yeah sure i got time’#and now i’m wishing i were less of someone who just went ‘yeah i got time lol’#NO ES MI CULPA#BUENO SI ES PERO NO-
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wasp landed on me while i was waiting for the bus lol
#i’m just chillin at the bus stop & this wasp lands on my ID#so i’m just like ‘hey little guy’ & let it chill#it flew off & landed on my hand for a bit & then went away#what a nice guy#my moms gonna freak the hell out when i tell her lmao
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BRO I JUST FOUND OUT MY FRIEND WORKED ON MUSIC FOR THE NEW POKÉMON GAME IM LOSING MY MIND
#she was flown out to Japan a while back#and I knew it was to work with some game devs in some way#and she had been specifically invited out there to do music. Like it was already cool as hell she’s a super talented musician and composer#but she just texted the groupchat like ‘hey guys part of my nda just lifted. I worked on Pokémon Legends Z-A’#and like dude I’m freaking out so hard#I’m so excited for her#All the more reason to actually play this gen as well#I was already excited about the whole kalos thing (and mega evo? apparently?)#but now I gotta!#Idk the full extent to which she was involved and I’m sure she’s still under nda about her specific involvement#but god. That’s so cool
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Man I hate it when I’ve gotta pull back from talking to anyone bc my brain is like. I’m about to make everyone hate me by doing literally anything. Like lays on the floor
#sometimes I go hey I can’t be reasonable rn and anything either of us says at this moment is gonna make me freak out and assume the worst#so I’m gonna sit my silly ass down and read for a bit and maybe try to take a nap
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