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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 1 year ago

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Annotations | Spencer Reid

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Just fluff! & a mention of child trafficking, but hey, what's different in the CM universe?

Author's note: I'm finally writing a season 1 Spencer fic! Wanted to add a bit of Elle in this one 'cause I do miss her! I actually also just love this one... I think it might just be my favorite Spencer Reid fic I've ever written.

Words: 3K

After a well-deserved day off, the BAU team was back at the FBI headquarters, ready to tackle another case. Spencer had enjoyed his Sunday at home, just reading and playing chess all day long, but he was happy to be back at work, too.

He was the first one in the office and decided to head into the breakroom for a nice cup of coffee. As he stirred in his mountain of sugar, he turned and took a seat at the table. The breakroom table was almost completely empty, save from the single book that was on it. Intrigued by the lonely item, Spencer reached for it. ‘Looking for Alaska’ it read on the black cover just above the cartoon of a daisy.

It was a book he hadn’t read yet but after quickly reading the back, he was quite interested to read the whole book. Seeing as Spencer had a little bit of time, which was probably enough for him to finish the entire book, he started reading it whilst enjoying his morning coffee.

As he went through the book, Spencer noticed the annotations in the margins and the highlighted quotes. Something he’d found even more interesting than the book in itself. There was so much you could learn from a person by just reading their margin notes and even their handwriting.

From the handwriting alone, Spencer could tell a lot about the owner of this book. The letters were of average size with a lot of space between them. They even slightly slanted to the right. They were well-adjusted and adaptable, they enjoyed their freedom and didn't like to be overwhelmed or crowded.

Whoever this person was, judging from their notes in this book, they were the smartest and most interesting person ever in his opinion.

“Everyone who wades through time eventually gets dragged out to sea by the undertow.”

They had underlined the quote and wrote “Everybody dies – Death is inevitable” in pink. Spencer fought the urge to write his own thoughts right next to it. This was someone else’s book, not his. He couldn’t ruin this person’s book with his scrawny handwriting.

Besides, his coworkers started to file in and JJ told everyone to gather in the briefing room. He left the book on the table and joined his coworkers on the case instead. Though his mind was preoccupied with the details of the case, it kept going back to the notes in the book.

He didn’t even know who this person was and still, he couldn’t keep them out of his mind. It even got to the point that he got weirdly excited when the book was still there when he returned from the case two days later.

This time around, he decided to write his own thoughts in the margins. They had used a pink pen, which allowed him to use his usual black one that made his notes stand out from theirs. It felt weird writing in someone else’s book, but he felt somewhat of a connection to this person reading through her annotations.

They had gotten halfway through the book, Spencer noticed. The annotations stopped when the ‘AFTER’-part started. Which was where Spencer decided to stop, too. He could read the entire book before their morning briefing, but he didn’t want to spoil the person reading this.

Besides, he secretly hoped the book was there again tomorrow with more notes for him to read.

Luckily for Spencer, the next day he got in, the book was still there. Or, upon further inspection, he found that the book was there again. The person had continued reading and continued annotating. When he went back to the notes he wrote down, he noticed more pink words.

“What’s your Great Perhaps?”

With a soft smile, Spencer grabbed a notepad with the FBI logo imprinted on it before scribbling down the answer to her question. There wasn’t enough space in the margins for all his ramblings, so this was his best option.

Once he was done, he stuffed the A6 page between the book in the right spot before continuing to the next part where new notes in pink lettering had appeared. They had underlined and highlighted a couple of quotes, written down some thoughts.

Spencer actually found her notes more interesting than the book itself.

For days, Spencer spoke to the book’s owner through their notes. At first, it was ‘Looking For Alaska’ for a couple of days. Even though they had already finished the book, they kept communicating through their notes. The next Monday, they had left him ‘Little Women’ by Louisa May Alcot. As they kept going back and forth, they kept changing the book they left. From old classics to poetry books to new releases, the two of them had their very own book club, even if he didn’t even know who this person was.

“What are you doing?” Elle asked when she entered the breakroom where she found Spencer hunched over yet another book.

It had been ten weeks since Spencer had first given his thoughts on Looking For Alaska and now he was reading ‘Something Wicked This Way Comes’. Or, in Spencer’s case, he was re-reading it. It had been Spencer’s favorite book since forever and it made him wonder if she knew that.

“Oh, I’m–” he let out a chuckle. “I-I guess I’m kinda book clubbing with someone I have never seen before.” He looked up to find Elle staring down at him with an amused smile on her face and an eyebrow quirked. Spencer chuckled before turning back to his book. “Yeah, I know how it sounds. But she’s been leaving me books in the breakroom and we’ve been leaving each other notes in the margins.”

“She?” Elle questioned, stirring her milk into her coffee.

A smile befell Spencer’s lips as he tried to hide the obvious red tinge that tinted his cheeks. “Yeah, I learned that her name is y/n a couple of days ago. She’s been writing to me in the margins in a pink pen.”

“Romantic,” Elle wiggled her brows, which didn’t help Spencer’s furious blushing at all. “Have you seen her around? I mean, she must work here, right?”

“I haven’t dared to look her up yet.” His coworker shot him an inquisitive look. “Yeah, I-I guess I’m kinda nervous? I mean– I got this pretty vivid image of her in my mind from her words on the paper and even her handwriting, I guess I’m scared she’s going to transcend my expectations.”

A teasing smirk tugged at Elle’s lips. “You’ve got a crush,” she pointed out.

“Who’s got a crush?” Morgan asked when he and Penelope walked into the breakroom, sending an even deeper red to Spencer’s cheeks.

“No one,” he mumbled before grabbing his book and coffee, and heading back into the bullpen.

The worst thing was that Elle was right. He did have a crush on someone he didn’t even know. He knew her thoughts on every single book that ever existed and he could tell a lot of things from her handwriting and her notes.

No matter who she was or what she looked like, she was already the most beautiful girl in the world to Spencer.

And that scared him.

Especially when he started noticing the books she was leaving him. At first it was ‘The Other Einstein’ then ‘Crime and Punishment’ and lastly, she left him ‘The Color Purple’. When she left him that last book, he knew she knew who he was. She wasn’t scared to look him up and find him.

By week eleven, she started leaving him notes on his desk, too. It surprised Spencer that she hadn’t pushed him to meet. It had come up once, but Spencer got too scared and dodged her question. He thought she would just stop talking to him because he didn’t want to meet, but when the next book came the day after, he knew she respected his decision.

“I think us here to wonder, myself. To wonder. To ask. And that in wondering about the big things and asking about the big things, you learn about the little ones, almost by accident. But you never know nothing more about the big things than you start out with. The more I wonder, the more I love.”

Upon reading the note, Spencer felt the tips of his ears heat up. He started to fall in love with the swoop of her ‘s’ and the way she dotted her ‘i’s and crossed her ‘t’s.

He reread the note a couple of times, each time even better and more beautiful than the last. And each time, he noticed more and more how the pink ink was fading at the very end.

That was when he decided to buy her a new pen. Two even. One with pink ink, the other with purple. He left them in the break room, slotted between his copy of ‘Love: Poems’ but not without underlining his favorite quote in the purple color.

“Does the one who always waits suffer more than the one who has never waited for anyone?”

When Spencer found the book again a couple of days later in the exact same spot he had left it, he wondered if she had found it and read it at all. The disappointment slowly built inside his chest, bracing him for the worst.

But when he opened the book, the pink pen had vanished and underneath the line he’d indicated with the purple pen was her answer.

“So I wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me. Til then my windows ache.”

The first five words were underlined twice as well as the last part of the line. She had even drawn little hearts in the margins. Spencer couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. He was probably crazy for thinking this girl felt the same way about him as he did about her. But seeing this, seeing the little hearts, he couldn’t think anything else.

“You seem happy this morning,” Penelope said as she and Elle walked into the breakroom for their own coffees.

Spencer quickly slammed the book shut and looked up at his coworkers. “Yeah, uh… I-I guess.”

The two women in front of him exchanged glances. It was stupid of him to lie to one of the best profilers in the BAU and the woman who thrives on workplace gossip. He knew that, but he couldn’t just come out and tell them he was falling in love with someone he’d never met.

“It’s her, isn’t it? Y/N?” Elle asked, her lips curling up on one side into a smirk.

Penelope’s eyes shimmered at the promise of some new office drama while the two women walked closer towards Spencer to take a look at the book in front of him. Though he held his hand tightly on the item, Penelope and Elle somehow knew how to pry it off and open it, causing the purple pen to fall out and fall on the carpeted floor.

Almost feverishly, Spencer picked it up and dusted off any dirt that had gotten on it.

“She’s drawing hearts,” Elle pointed out.

“Aww!” Penelope cooed. “She’s drawing hearts!” She clutched her chest as though her heart was going to pop out.

Trying to ignore the heat that rose to his cheeks and that probably tinted his skin a bright red, Spencer grinned sheepishly. “What d’you think that means?” he asked, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

“I think she’s into you as much as you are into her,” Penelope commented excitedly, which didn’t do much good for the blush residing on his cheeks.

“You think so?”

Elle scoffed. “Yeah! It’s very clear you guys are into one another. You should ask her out!”

Before Spencer could say anything, Hotch poked his head inside the breakroom. “Who should ask who out?” he asked, having caught just the end of their conversation.

“Spencer and y/n,” Elle replied without batting an eye, much to Spencer’s dismay.

It was one thing some of his coworkers knew, but having his boss know about his little crush. This was even more embarrassing than when Morgan had tackled him in a park in Illinois when they were hunting down an L.D.S.K. and they had to duck before they would get shot.

“Oh, y/n from the third unit?” Hotch asked, immediately capturing the youngest’s attention. He knew her? It surprised him a little that he didn’t know that. Neither did he know that she was in the crimes against children unit, though that part didn’t surprise him that much. “She’s coming in to help us with the case later today. We’ve got a child trafficking case.”

Spencer completely froze up. He was actually going to meet her and it wasn’t even on his own terms. Of course, this was bound to happen, seeing that they worked in the same building. But he’d hoped he could ask her to meet him away from work. When he wanted to.

“Seems like you’re gonna get your chance to ask her out, Romeo,” Elle joked as she smacked the book against his chest, holding it there for a moment until his hands got a hold of it, before passing by him.

Penelope and Elle followed behind Hotch, leaving Spencer in the breakroom. He looked down at the book for a moment. He wasn’t going to have time to underline anything as a message to her, so instead, he drew a quick purple heart right next to the pink one she had drawn. At least then she’d know that he had seen it.

During the briefing, Spencer couldn’t quite concentrate. His mind was a little too focused on the impending meeting. He was incredibly curious to know what she looked like and sounded like and if her perfume did smell of violets the same way her books sometimes did.

“We’ve got the agents of the third unit consulting on this case with us,” Hotch explained to them and the mention of the unit y/n worked at captured Spencer’s attention. “Let’s meet at the SUV’s in ten minutes.”

Hotch concluded the briefing and exited the room, having the others follow behind him. While everyone either went for a quick bathroom stop before leaving or gathered their stuff from their desk, Spencer made a beeline for the breakroom where he was hoping to meet her.

As predicted, there was a girl hunched over the book he had left with a pink pen in her hand, scribbling some of her well-thought notes on the pages, sprinkling a portion of her in his belongings. She clutched her pen, her thumb sticking out ever so slightly. It looked almost childlike, but it was the most adorable thing he'd ever seen.

“You hold your pen funnily,” he pointed out, capturing the girl’s attention straight away.

Though at first, her brows were furrowed at the weird comment, her features quickly softening as her eyes landed on him. “Hi,” she greeted, her face breaking out into a big, toothy grin.

Spencer’s world started spinning. The girl he had been talking to had to be the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Her smile, her bright, shimmering eyes, the freckles that were scattered across her nose and cheeks like a constellation… Everything was even more beautiful than he’d imagined. She was even more beautiful than he’d imagined.

He was proven right. She did exceed his expectations in every way possible.

“It always shocked me when I realized that I wasn’t the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things.” The quote rolled off his lips a little too easily. But it was the first thing that popped into his head once he realized he hadn’t said anything and he was just staring at her.

Y/N’s head tilted slightly, almost in confusion. Then, she stood up and slowly approached Spencer. “At some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid and it hurts, but then it’s over and you’re relieved.”

There was a double entendre to her words. On one hand, she was merely quoting the first book they’d read together, but on the other, she was telling Spencer that them finally meeting was like pulling off a Band-Aid.

Though in this case, it didn’t hurt.

Spencer let out an airy laugh as he looked down at her. She was actually right here. In front of him. He could touch her, if he wanted to. He could smell the hint of the violet perfume she used. He could look into her eyes and actually witness how soulful they were.

“I-I’m sorry it took so long for us to– I didn’t mean a-anything. It’s just–”

She placed a hand on his arm to stop him from stuttering and rambling, and chuckled. “It’s fine, Spencer. I get it. We were sucked up in our own world, communicating through these books… It was hard to break that bubble.”

“Yeah,” Spencer all but whispered. He then grabbed the hand of hers that was still on his arm and squeezed it. “But now we can–we can talk about books in real life?” The statement came out in a question, uncertainty dripping from his tone. “I-I know this really nice bookstore in the city. I-I’d love to take you there sometime.”

Her face lit up at his words. “Are you asking me on a date, Dr. Reid?” she asked.

An awkward chuckle rolled off his lips as he scratched the back of his neck with his free hand, not wanting to let go of her hand just yet. “Yes? I-I mean, if you wanna go. You don’t have to feel like you have to say yes.”

Y/N squeezed his hand right back. “I would love to, Spencer.”

And just like that, their fairytale that started in the margins of her books, sprang to life.

Underlined quotes came out into longing gazes and sweet touches.

Annotations became sweet nothings whispered under the dim light of the bookstore.

The perfect romance you’d only read about in books.

Everything taglist: @calamitykaty @littlemissaddict @n0wornever @wanniiieeee @unnowhatthisistbh

Criminal Minds Taglist:

@boimlers-gonna-boim @samsbirks @tinaasthings @dysphoricsanity @love4lando @elenamoncada-ibarra @r-3dlips @magstheslayer

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds

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aangarchy · 9 months ago

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Netflix atla live action review ep 4-6

So, they completely ruined Bumi. Spoiler warning.

The more episodes pass by the more confused i get with the choices that were made. I wrote down commentary for the episodes and the thing that i wrote down the most was "why does this happen?". The writing is incredibly confusing and messy, feels too rushed in some spaces and too slow in others. There's just... so much going on and so little at the same time. They brought in elements that in the OG don't get introduced until later in s1, s2, the comics, or even the legend of Korra. The reason these things get introduced so early here is not clear at all, because they don't serve any purpose other than to be an obstacle to Aang, Sokka and Katara on their way to the North.

Mai and Ty Lee are.. there. They get introduced earlier but they don't serve any purpose at the moment other than stand around, watch Azula train, ask questions so that Azula can give us the answers the viewer needs. My guess is they only got introduced for the audience who watched the OG to go "oh we know them!". We get the secret tunnel story earlier too, but it has absolutely nothing to do with love. Somehow "love is brightest in the dark" now correlates to the badgermoles being able to sense a human's emotion. It's a waste of a storyline, doesn't teach us anything about love, gives us Omashu lore which is useless bc neither Sokka nor Katara actually use love to escape the tunnels. Also Oma and Shu are lesbians now, but you only know that bc they changed Shu's pronouns. Wow, so progressive! We have lesbians in the story now! Boy do i feel represented as a sapphic!

We get Koh early on as well, but his entire gig got changed. Now suddenly he doesn't steal faces but he "feeds", and hunts using the fog of lost souls (which is tlok lore mind you) as a tool to trap humans. We introduce the mother of faces (comic book lore!), or rather pendant of her that Koh owns. There's no reason for her to exist in this story though other than to be an easter egg to everyone who read the search (Not even the majority of the fandom!) and to offer a solution to this problem we've created, which is Koh capturing our friends in order to eat them and us not being able to convince him into letting them go. There's no feeling of dread in the Koh scenes at all because the whole problem of not showing emotion is just not a thing now. No suspense, no fear, just a weird cgi clown face worm. The worm doesn't even menacingly circle around Aang to invoke a feeling of being surrounded, it just sits there. I also just don't understand why Koh is here already bc now who is going to give us information about Tui and La?

This decision also creates a problem that Hei Bai's story just isn't about Hei Bai anymore. We get fed a few lines from a talking fox about how the forest spirit got hurt, but there's really no solution? Aang buries a pinecone in front of the statue and tells him not to give up hope but he didn't even really need to do that, because Hei Bai wasn't the one kidnapping villagers! It was Koh. Why did we appease Hei Bai if Koh was the real villain? Hei Bai/Koh's story leads us to Roku, but Roku is completely useless. All he does is undermine Kyoshi's advice to Aang, tell Aang about the mother of faces pendant so he can appease Koh, and then we leave. I knew in advance Roku wasn't going to warn Aang about the comet here bc Albert Kim already told us working with a deadline like that with child actors is just impossible. But with Roku suddenly not being Aang's main Avatar guide he just gets nothing to do. There's no suspense in this part of the story either, bc the time limit of the winter solstice isn't a thing here at all. Aang also ends up flying over Fire Nation borders without issue, and gets led right into the sanctuary without the puzzle of figuring out how to open the door, and without the problem of Zhao's soldiers waiting for him when he comes out. It creates this issue of there not being any excitement, at least for me. I genuinely am getting a bit bored with the show, which was never an issue with the OG for me. There's a reason all of this extra material didn't get introduced until later on. There's too many characters and they all get too little time to really do anything useful, they're not fleshed out, the stories aren't thought through and it ends up getting very confusing and boring. I'm genuinely curious for the perspective of people who have never watched the OG cartoon, bc i wonder if they're even able to follow along without prior knowledge of this universe.

Bumi is just... not Bumi. They completely changed his character to be this bitter old senile man that resents Aang for abandoning the world. This doesn't make any sense because in this version of the story Bumi shouldn't know that Aang is the Avatar at all, because Aang was told right before he disappeared! So why does Bumi immediately know that Aang is the Avatar, and why does Aang immediately recognize him? Also the original point of Bumi's tests is to get Aang to approach fights and puzzles from a different angle, so he can learn versatility as the Avatar. But here the tests are just happening because Bumi is mad at Aang for leaving and wants to get back at him for being gone so long. He says some lines about Aang having to learn to make hard choices and you can't rely on your friends, but Aang ends up proving him wrong in the end! What is even the point of Bumi's part in the story now, except for him just being another obstacle on the way to the North Pole?

There's a lot of instances where I feel like the bond between characters gets completely lost. We barely spend any time with the side characters like the mechanist, Teo, Jet and the freedom fighters, and the people in the spirit village. It makes some scenes feel very out of place. These storylines all happen at once, and they don't get their individual moments to shine. We have no room to feel betrayed by Jet or Sai, because we barely got to know them to begin with. Jet and Sai only spend time with One member of the gaang each, but when their betrayals come to light the rest of the group acts devastated, as if it was their dear friend. Sokka also gets really mad about the Jet thing, but he only met Jet once when he smuggled them into Omashu, and Jet didn't even tell Sokka his name. He said it afterwards when Katara met him again. It makes absolutely no sense why Sokka is yelling at Katara for trusting Jet only bc she finds him attractive, when Sokka wasn't even there during all of that!

The sense of family between the gaang that we get from the original also just doesn't happen here. Especially because these characters so far have spent more time apart than together. Aang constantly gets separated from Sokka and Katara, leaving no room for them to bond. We get Katara and Sokka bonding, but they shouldn't need those types of scenes because they're already siblings (which isn't very clear in the show either btw!). I ended up forgetting that Sokka and Katara were trapped by Koh, bc we spend so much time away from them (a whole episode, which is now an hour!).

I have little to no criticism for the Blue Spirit story. Want to guess why that is? Bc they left it pretty much untouched. We even get a little bit of an extra scene, with Zuko and Aang talking while Zuko recovers after getting hurt during the escape. I liked this choice, especially bc it highlights how conflicted Zuko is.

This is where we get Zuko's backstory. I have one question here: why did they make Ozai more sensible and less ruthless? Was that a Daniel Dae Kim decision? Bc it feels like a Daniel Dae Kim thing to do. They're very on the nose with the way Ozai is abusing Zuko and Azula, but then they turn around and make this man visit Zuko after he burned him and praise Zuko about finding the Avatar. I understand that they did this to show how Ozai uses Zuko's accomplishments in order to push Azula, but even if it were to do that: the original Ozai would NEVER. The problem here as well is that they don't let the viewers draw any conclusions themselves anymore. They're holding the viewer's hand through the whole thing, leaving no room for nuance or doubt.

I just finished episode 7 and 8 and I have Things To Say. None of which are good. Writing it down is challenging so it might take a day or two.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar #netflix atla #atla netflix #natla #netflix #atla live action #atla live action spoilers

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saintsenara · 5 months ago

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Hey!

My main takeaway from your unhinged ships series - which provides me with limitless entertainment btw so thank you for your service - is how intricate your knowledge of the HP series is!

I'm kind of in a weird limbo rn where I have a great love for this world and the series but JKR's behaviour in recent years has completely turned me off the whole thing. I've been too disheartened to engage with the canon material in any real sense for years, but your exploration of it is kind of rekindling my interest. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Also, is HP like your niche or do you possess an encyclopaedic knowledge on any other works of literature or pop culture phenomena? This is just pure curiosity on my end.

thank you very much for this anon! it's extremely sweet.

how to reconcile being a part of this fandom - and, especially, how to be in a corner of the fandom which places more emphasis on the text than others - with jkr's decision to become a bigot is a question i'm sure we've all spent a lot of time on, and it's one which is going to have an inherently subjective answer.

my personal view is that she'll never get another penny out of me - i'm persevering with my original copies of the books, judiciously sellotaped; i won't engage at all with the upcoming television adaptation; i've not seen the fantastic beasts films; i wouldn't go and see cursed child; i wouldn't play hogwarts legacy; i don't buy merch and so on - but that writing my little stories and yapping away on my little tumblr is fine, because it's an engagement with the series which, no matter how much it focuses on the text she wrote, is still mine rather than hers.

but - of course - there are entirely reasonable arguments against this position, in either direction. someone who does engage more with jkr's post-radicalisation output could justifiably say that - since i've written stories involving delphini, who only exists because of cursed child, the fact that i've never seen or read the play is irrelevant and my insistence that there's a meaningful distinction between enjoying the expanded world of the series and enjoying the expanded world of the series in a way jkr materially benefits from is performative nonsense. someone else could justifiably say that jkr benefits [directly and indirectly] from all fandom engagement, even if that fandom engagement is critical of her and even if it doesn't financially support her - the upcoming television adaptation, for example, wouldn't have been greenlit if hbo didn't think it would get an audience, and the continued vitality of the harry potter fandom undoubtedly contributed to their belief that it would.

neither of these arguments are wrong - although neither is objectively correct either. each of us has to form a subjective opinion, be ok with it, and be open to changing it as time passes.

and i do genuinely think that engaging with the text as a text - something else i bang on about all the time - is helpful when it comes to reconciling everything.

i know it sounds very pretentious [and i also suspect that many people think the series isn't "well-written" enough to justify such pretension...] to say that the fandom needs to get better at embracing a variety of methods of reading the text and understanding the author's relationship to it.

this isn't me saying that anyone who wants to get into fandom needs to be able to rattle of the names of literary theorists, or be able to give an answer to "the series is historiographic metafiction: discuss".

[although if anyone would like to try and argue in favour of that proposition... i'd shriek.]

what it is is me saying that the dominant way of reading the text in the fandom - which is to focus on the reader's emotional response [and, above all, the reader's emotional response in childhood] - can end up giving jkr quite a bit more authority in how we engage with the series than she deserves. it's why many of us might say that we feel she's "betrayed" or "taken something away from" us, for example - and it's why many of us might feel that she's forced us into approaching the series in ways which decentre the canon material.

and this is - obviously - a completely legitimate way of engaging and responding. but there's also a lot to be gained from thinking outside of our emotional responses about things like the genre conventions which govern the series, the tropes and archetypes it uses, its language and syntax, its existence as something standalone, the other works of literature which influence it, and the social and historical context in which it was written. treating the series as "just" some books reduces jkr's authority over our response to it - and while the argument that this doesn't mean anything in the real world, since all she's going to care about is that people are reading her stuff, is an inherently reasonable one, i do think it has real-world benefits to us in how we square the circle of enjoying the text.

more controversially, though, i think it's also worth thinking about the personal context in which the series was written.

for me, the author is dead based on whether or not i need her to be. i don't think that the only valid interpretation of a text is the author's intended one, and i don't think that the only valid interpretation of a text is one dependent on matching parts of the story onto the author's biography. but i do think it's important for readers to know both what jkr understands the text as saying and what has happened in her life that bleeds through into it [such as the way her difficult relationship with her father and her experience of her mother's terminal illness undeniably influences the series' prioritisation of sacrifical motherhood and certain coolness towards fathers]. this doesn't mean agreeing with - or even empathising with - her by any means, it's just another tool in our arsenal when it comes to thinking of the series as no more or less special than any other piece of literature, and jkr no more or less important to our interpretation of it than any other author.

and i think it's worth saying that she doesn't seem to be someone who's bothered when fans say that she doesn't understand her own text or that she's lost the right to speak about it or that the fandom has taken it back from her - which is also why when people say that non-canon shipping [especially of queer pairings] must piss her off i think it's just cope - because she can spin that as these people being childish and unwilling to face reality.

but she does seem to be bothered by people who say "yeah, i know that's what you think and i know that's what you intended... but i disagree and you don't have the right to dictate otherwise".

[this is why - i think - she gets so frothingly pissed-off by daniel radcliffe's immaculate stance against her anti-trans bigotry. he's always very firm in saying "she can think what she wants, but - firstly - this isn't about what she thinks privately, it's about what she does publicly and - secondly - i think she's completely wrong and i'm not going to change my mind just because she wants me to", and she obviously doesn't like the fact that this is much harder to spin into the narrative that she's being "oppressed" and "victimised" than she'd like...]

the text is just a text, and she's just one woman, but our ways of reading are infinite and important and ours. the new horizon in literary theory is "fuck her, we ball".

[when it comes to "do i have a good memory?" the answer is "yes, but for purely useless information". when the question is whether that good memory relates to other pieces of pop culture, i'm either very lucky or very unlucky - depending on where you stand on such things - that the fandoms for hit millennial sitcoms don't seem to be large... otherwise i'd clearly be spending all my time writing epic nick/schmidt or liz lemon/jenna maroney romances and/or being cancelled for being in george michael/maeby nation...]

#asks answered #fuck jkr we ball

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hotdamnhunnam · 2 months ago

Note

I’m halfway through the Lin piece, and my inner overly romantic teenager interrupted, and wants to whine at you for not writing these days, and beg you to write again 😂🥴 (Know that my adult self respects your choices- adult Lis is here to supervise teen Lis hahahha)

Ok- imagine teen me on my bed, in pjs and mid-sleepover, talking PASSIONATELY with my hands, k? Like all those teen movies lol.

Fucking hell, every time i read one of your pieces, I’m swept away into another world. You could stick me in a rocket ship and blast me off to the moon, and MAYBE maybeee that would be close to what it feels like reading your words.

I have always wished I could find poets to devour. Ones that I couldn’t get enough of. The romantic, dreamy, magical shit that eats you whole. Just swallows you up in feels. So many times over the years, I have wandered barnes and noble, hoping I fall for one of the poets on the shelves, and leaving empty-handed and disappointed. How many times I’ve googled poetry, coming up empty for anything meaningful. I’ve seen people my whole life who had writers they could lean into fully. The ones where you could read ANYTHING they wrote, and it resonated with you. I’ve had this happen with musicians and lyrics, but never just the written word. And it ate at me my whole life that I couldn’t find ONE writer that just fit.

Bc I have always, always had a deep well of feelings in my soul, that I could never find reflected on the page. Not in a way that resonated with me. And I am such a devourer of details. The tiniest notion of love, means EVERYTHING. And finding someone who felt that way about details seemed impossible. Romanticizing those little things that are EVERYTHING. I eventually believed there was something wrong with *me* because I couldn’t find much of me on the page.

And then one day I found you.

And everything you write touches me. It’s everything I’ve been wanting. Everything i hoped for my whole life. I have never skipped one of your writings. Not one. Never once squicked out or didn’t like a piece. I love everything you write. 😭

so… thank you for writing. ❤️

(I hope this makes sense and I don’t sound like a weirdo)

Omggg Lis thank you SO much for this!?!!? 🥹🙏 I feel like it’s too much for me to even process, had me crying happy tears in the office 🥲

Firstly let me just reassure you that you are not a weirdo and that there is nothing wrong with you, or if those things are true then I am right here being weird and wrong along with you!!! 👯‍♀️💞

As for writing again… I stopped for complicated reasons but hey maybe I’ll get back to it someday, and until then, my massive masterlist is always there for you to poke around and play! 🤗📚

ANYWAYZ. I’m totally obsessed with the teenage sleepover vibes of this ask and am always such a sucker for your heartfelt thoughtful praise 🥰💖

To hear that my writing touches and resonates with you in this way, ahhhh I don’t even know what to sayyy, other than that it means the world and you are entirely TOO KIND TO ME okay 😭❣️

Sending hugs because there aren’t words for how deeply I appreciate and adore you!!! 🫂 And since I know you love Lin’s adorable little head bobble as much as I do, here’s a gif of it for you 🙂‍↔️💓

Link to the Lin fic for anyone else who sees this and has interest! ✨

#brb crying forever 😭#love and hugs ❤️#charlie hunnam #lin ford #shantaram

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pantoneyoongi · 1 year ago

Text

the sun & the stars | 01 | kth

title ; the sun & the stars pairing ; taehyung x you

word count ; 5.4k

description ;

taehyung’s known you almost his whole life - his sister’s best friend, the girl who invades his home and his life on the daily. you’re the one who gave his sister the nickname ‘sky’ to begin with - and also the one who relented when he whined about it at age five and said okay, you can be the stars, then.

it’s funny, because to him, you’re just the petty, mischievous neighbor from across the street with a penchant for stealing his snacks. but over the years, you’ve somehow landed yourself a reputation that stretches beyond the 1.5 year age gap he has with you - for someone who generally likes to keep things low key, you sure have a way of drawing attention.

sky’s friendly, teasing best friend is known for being cold, impassive, and immovable. which is weird, because when he’s around you, all he sees are unabashed grins and terrible jokes. until he realizes maybe he doesn’t know you like he thought he did. maybe they’re right - it just so happens that the walls you throw up around him look a little different from the walls you throw up around everyone else.

tracklist ; willow - taylor swift, give me your forever - zack tabudlo ft. billkin, limbo - keshi

notes ;

ok so i don’t have a masterlist for this yet but this is going to be part of a universe called the sun & the sky universe, about two besties and their love lives and friendship and originally it was supposed to be a one-shot for each character but i have spiraled wildly out of control and now this character (sun) has a mini-series, oops.

anyway this is the first installation in the sun & the sky universe and eventually i will get around to making a masterpost. thank u for reading !!

tags ; college!au, best friend’s little brother!au, childhood friends to lovers, you have a cold/ice princess reputation, angst, fluff, mentions of absent parents and financial instability, you’re referred to as ‘sun’, taehyung’s sister referred to as ‘sky’, mentions of some dude being kinda pushy at the beginning, some business major slander (sorry) (sort of), there will be pov switches later, there will also be seokjin slander (he’ll deserve it unfortunately i’m so sorry), slow burn?? i think??, brief mentions of infidelity at some point later too, honestly this whole fic is probably more about friendships than it is about romance but anyways, yes this is the fic that i wrote 10k for and then randomly decided to rewrite the entire thing bc i have no control over my life thank u very much, anyway here it is i hope u like it

to be very clear: you don’t like freshmen.

irritation crawls up your spine, and you spare just enough time to glance both ways before crossing the street to reach your friend, who looks increasingly uncomfortable. she’s already backed up enough that she’s only centimeters from the wall behind her, which, in case the relief on her face at the sight of you didn’t already spell it out, tells you plenty enough that this one’s persistent and unwelcome.

“hey.” you don’t raise your voice when you reach them. you generally make it a point not to expend more energy than absolutely necessary, but particularly when it comes to men, and especially when they’re harassing your best friend. you hardly look his way, instead speaking to your friend with a tilt of your head towards the campus dining hall. “let’s go.”

jinyoung calls you blunt and a little rude (affectionate), but you prefer the terms ‘concise’ and ‘clear’. as in, you are concisely and clearly indicating the freshman should leave. you know, something about a-b conversations and how he should c his way out.

your shoulders raise ever so slightly when, predictably, the freshman opens his mouth to argue. that’s the thing about freshmen. and transfers. and men who don’t know what’s good for them: they don’t know you, and they don’t know your reputation, and that causes more problems than you care to deal with.

lucky for him, he happens to know someone who’s been out of the womb for longer than the ten seconds this kid appears to have been. in your peripheral, you watch the freshman get yanked back by a junior you think might’ve been in one of your roman history lectures last semester. “what the fuck is wrong with you,” he hisses to his friend, eyes darting nervously between the boy and you. his voice raises to normal speaking levels. “i’m so sorry. he’s so sorry for bothering you,” and then he’s dragging the kid away with hushed, frantic whispers. you watch them cross the street and head down and away, before turning back to your friend.

“you good, sky?”

she gives you a half-smile. “i’d be better with food in me.”

your lips twitch, and you sling an arm over her shoulders, tugging her through the dining hall doors. “good thing that’s what we’re here for.”

your reputation is more tall tale than fact, but you let it carry you through the four years of high school and now clean through your four years of college, too. for a group of students who are so rarely capable of meeting your eyes, they speak fairly condescendingly about you. it probably has a lot to do with the ‘sun’ nickname, seeing as it just seems laughable to associate the most well-known star in the galaxy with you.

you’re not warm. you don’t light up a room. none of the good cliches line up with you, and to most people, the nickname is more irony than anything else. but you didn’t get the nickname from them, you got it from sky, shortly after you gave her hers when you were seven.

(seven year old you was a lot friendlier.)

your eyes slide closed, chin propped against your palm as you wait at the lunch table. sky is grabbing food while you save the table, waiting for her brother and his partner in crime to show up.

the four of you grew up on the same street - sky and taehyung in the house across from you, and jimin a couple doors down. jimin and taehyung are technically the same age, the way you and sky are too, but taehyung’s birthday is so late in the year that he’s two grades below you instead of just one. they say you and sky have been inseparable since day one, but taehyung and jimin must be conjoined at the hip - you don’t find one without seeing the other.

you feel someone brush past you, a hand hovering by your head, but before it can nudge you, you say with closed eyes, “watch it, kid.”

your eyes flutter open, finding jimin pouting in front of you, hand returning to his side. “how’d you know it was me?”

“who else would dare?” you arch an eyebrow, and he sucks his teeth, dropping into the seat diagonal from you. taehyung takes the seat to your left, nodding his head in greeting towards you.

your lips quirk to the side. “do i not deserve the honor of your voice today, taetae?” you give him doe eyes, just to watch him scowl at you.

growing up with taehyung and sky right across the street from you meant watching taehyung turn from an adorable toddler, to a mildly annoying child, into a definitely annoying teenager. this also included a two year stint in which taehyung refused to speak to you (or in general, really), only making vague grunting noises and giving you curt nods in an attempt to come off as stoic and brooding.

(as a shock to no one: it was ineffective as far as ‘stoic’ and ‘brooding’ go.)

ever since he decided to grace you with his voice again, you take any chance to remind him of it. you grin wickedly as he lolls his head back with a groan. “i was shy,” he protests, bordering on a whine.

you scoff. “i’ve known you since you were three, fuck outta here,” you cuff him lightly upside the head, taehyung’s lower lip jutting out at the action. “you were just an angsty teenager.”

sky makes her appearance at that moment, setting her tray down. “can confirm,” she agrees with zero proper context. “you were just an angsty teenager.”

taehyung huffs. you poke your tongue against your cheek, amusement lighting your eyes. he tries to glare but taehyung’s always been a little soft on you, even if he won’t admit it. he marks defeat with a switch in subject. “you look tired.”

you sputter out a laugh. “i’m a college student,” you smack his shoulder lightly. “i always look tired.” you redirect your attention back to jimin and sky, joining the conversation they’d started, but taehyung stays quiet, studying you. eventually he gets up to grab food, jimin following after him, but you opt to just lay your head against your forearm, letting sky pat your head sympathetically.

you raise your head only when the boys return, eyes widening slightly in surprise when taehyung comes back with two trays, sliding one in front of you wordlessly. “you raised him well,” jimin sighs dramatically to sky. “treats his elders with respect.”

“that makes one of you,” you quip, just as sky goes, “are you calling me an elder?”

the two of you burst into laughter at the look on jimin’s face, halfway between being offended by you and defensive against sky, and while you’re busy teasing jimin, you don’t notice taehyung watching you, wondering how anyone can see you as cold and standoffish, not when he sees you like this, voice loud and eyes crinkled in the corners, always the brightest whenever you make the people you love and care about laugh. they say you’re cruel and unforgiving, but he’s known you for years and he doesn’t really feel like you’ve changed much - still wildly dramatic and bitingly sarcastic - and also apparently still endlessly prone to stealing food from him and sky, he thinks dryly, as he throws you a dirty look for snagging a french fry off his plate despite having your own.

you smile pretty at him. “sharing is caring, taetae.”

he can’t retort when you blink your eyes at him like that because there’s just no winning when it comes to you. all he can do is let out a deep sigh and fight the smile making its way onto his face when your laughter chimes in his ear.

“what if,” you start, just for jinyoung to cut you off.

“no.”

you throw the towel down onto the table, affronted. “you didn’t let me finish.”

he stares flatly at you, then makes a jerky, ‘go-ahead’ gesture with his hand.

“what if,” you start again, pointing your finger at him. “i drop out of school-”

“what if,” jinyoung smiles like he’s got knives for teeth. “i get you fired?”

you scrunch your nose. “then i’d be young, dumb, and broke.”

“just like all the cool kids,” jinyoung sighs, clearly not giving a fuck. “hurry up, we got company.”

the bell above the restaurant door rings as probably an entire fraternity funnels in, forty-five minutes before your shift ends. “perfect,” you mutter, picking up your towel again, scrubbing the table clean while jinyoung puts on a (notably knifeless) smile for your customers. the closing shift can never end quietly, always some group coming in last minute to interrupt your peaceful night. you always know jinyoung happens to like you because he sidles up to the group with his full charm and a notepad, ready to take orders, letting you slink off to the back to finish cleaning up so the two of you can get out of here as quickly as possible as soon as the sign flips to ‘closed.’

jinyoung returns to the back to rattle off orders five minutes later, then leans with his back to the counter as you rinse dishes to put into the industrial dishwasher. “you should stop taking extra shifts. your eyebags have eyebags,” he informs you, as gently as he can. you glance at him, wondering if it’s worth it to flick him with water. but you know he’s just trying to be nice, so you opt against it.

you suck in a breath, setting another dish down onto the rack. “i can’t,” you shrug. “i am, in fact, young, dumb, and broke.”

he presses his lips together in a non-smile. like you, jinyoung is here on scholarship and part of the pity-party program your school has for kids who meet the criteria of “too poor to afford higher education.” you met him in said program over the summer, when you were all forced to come in for summer classes, just in case you came from a district without sufficient resources to teach you calculus.

he runs a tired hand through his hair, offering you a small smile before heading out with an array of dishes balanced impressively on his arm. the frat has approximately twenty minutes to shovel it all down before the restaurant officially calls it lights out. you have no doubts they’ll make it with time to spare.

you flip the settings for the dishwasher and let it run, tugging off your gloves and wandering towards the front. absently, you stare out the glass that makes up the storefront, eyes nearly glazing over until you spot them - your head lifting slowly as you lean forward a little to squint.

she’s a little too far out, but the person heading down the street looks an awful lot like sky, flanked by someone who looks half a foot taller than her, which is saying something, considering sky is half a foot taller than you. your head tilts, curious, but by the time you’ve blinked enough times to get your vision back in focus, they’re out of sight.

shaking it off, you check the clock to see that you’re ten minutes to closing, confirmed by the way you hear the frat boys noisily filing back out just the way they came in. jinyoung’s eyes meet yours and you give a tired nod, the two of you working in tandem to clear the remaining dishes to finish cleaning up and close up shop.

jinyoung bids you goodbye outside the restaurant with a pat on the shoulder, parting ways. it’s late, little ways past ten at night, and you slump your shoulders as you trudge down the street back to your apartment.

you take a half step back when taehyung’s face suddenly appears in front of yours, familiar dark eyes peering at you. he’s got his hands in his pockets and he’s bent over slightly to meet your height, and you frown at him. “what are you doing here?”

“jimin dragged me out,” he explains, straightening back up. “but now they’re getting drunk, so.”

of the four of you, jimin’s always been the only one with anything close to a social life. he parties, he drinks, he gets hungover, and then he gets straight a’s. go figure.

you hum, the two of you falling into step together. the silence is comfortable, padded with the general ruckus of the downtown, cars speeding past and drunk students being rowdy. you make your way back to the main streets on campus, taehyung slowing his steps to match your snail pace.

“sun,” he breaks the quiet between you. you look at him.

he opens his mouth to speak, but there’s only empty air, the words dying on his tongue when he sees how dull your eyes look after a long shift. your eyes have always sparkled, glinting with trouble and quick wit, so it sort of stings to see the light fade out with how weary you are.

“never mind,” he smiles, tilting his chin towards your building’s front door. “we’re here.”

you look confused but don’t press the matter, patting him on the arm with a warm smile. “get back safe. thanks for walking me home, tae.” you tip-toe to ruffle his hair, like you always have, despite the near foot of height he now towers over you with, then disappear into your building without a second glance back.

taehyung sighs, hand absently pressed to the spot where you’d touched his arm. he knows your smile better than anyone else’s, that dazzling grin of yours that you reserve only for your closest friends. even when taehyung went through his brooding phase, you always offered it out to him with a friendly wave.

the campus might not understand the nickname ‘sun,’ but taehyung knows it suits you perfectly.

“am i still allowed to live in your basement if i fail out of college?”

you punctuate the end of your question by dropping the bag of take-out you brought with you onto the table, though the end of your sentence sort of peeters off a little when you realize there’s someone else departing the table, a low voice murmuring a goodbye to your friend. you don’t catch his face before his tall frame walks away, but your brows furrow, puzzled. you don’t recognize him.

“i think you’d live in my basement regardless of what i say,” sky responds, seemingly unaware of your perplexion. “but unfortunately you’re not allowed to fail out of college.”

your eyes are still on the man who’d just left, even as you pull out the take-out and hand it over to sky. you’re tempted to ask, but when you glance back at her, she has an unnervingly neutral expression on her face, and you falter, deciding to drop it.

sky likes to keep her circle small. most of the time it’s just you, jimin, and taehyung, though both of you do still keep in touch with yoongi and hoseok from high school, and there is that one girl from her major, soojung. but for the most part, sky prefers keeping to herself, so much so that on occasion she’ll just drop off the grid without any warning. you suppose you’re like her in that way, though her version of dropping off the grid is usually more accidental (read: a new video game came out and she forgot she has to remind people she’s alive) whereas yours tends to be very intentional (read: you’re overwhelmed and so much as seeing or interacting with another person could equate to a new, special kind of torture, built explicitly for you).

you slide on a smile for her, settling down into your seat. “eat,” you gesture. “need at least one of us to make it past graduation if i’m gonna live in your basement.”

as sky tucks in, absently scrolling through her phone, your mind wanders. it’s not that you need to know every last detail of sky’s life, but she’s your best friend, and it just tends to happen, anyway. sky’s life is so heavily interwoven with yours, since you were five and moved into the house across the street from hers, and she let you into her home like you’d always belonged there.

then again, that was a boy you’d seen walking away. your eyes shift back to sky, who isn’t paying you much mind, and you look away again. the truth is, the tightly bound friendship you hold with sky feels as fragile as it does indestructible, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

food is your love language. giving it, receiving it, whatever the case is - it’s love. it might also be your sole motivator for doing just about anything, but that’s besides the point.

you use food as a means of taking care of the people around you. it’s not exactly a flashy show of affection, but you don’t have a particularly heartwarming vocabulary, or the disposition to shower people in your affection, so this is what you do. most people seem to take the hint. you figure that’s why taehyung puts up with you on at minimum a weekly basis, grabbing a meal together whenever he’s free.

today, he’s seated at your kitchen counter, glancing around your apartment like he hasn’t been here a million times before. you set your ever-gourmet pot of instant noodles down on top of a pot holder. “ta-da,” you beam at him, waving your hands dramatically. “my specialty.”

“you treat me so well,” he says dryly, but his eyes are affectionate and he’s still picking up his chopsticks almost immediately, tongue poking out at the corner of his lips in anticipation. you press your lips together to hide a smile, watching him gather noodles, messily sucking them into his mouth, flicking soup everywhere.

you click your tongue a little but don’t nag, though the look you give him makes him settle down a little, chewing slower and acting at least somewhat more like a civilized human being. he looks properly chastised, and the corner of your lips lift in a small smirk of amusement.

the two of you eat quietly, taehyung because he’s always been quiet and you because you’re lost in thought, enough so that you forget to entertain taehyung the way you usually do (read: complain about almost every class you’re in and lament your age, as if you’re anything more than a year and a half older than taehyung, max). your eyes are distant, chopsticks absently picking up noodles to eat, on autopilot.

you glance back to taehyung, who doesn’t seem to mind your quiet. he’s used to your noise, but you suppose at some point he also grew used to your quiet, too. maybe that’s just what decade-long friendships are like. you learn the usuals, the unusuals, and all of the in between.

teeth gnawing at your lower lip, you wonder if he knows about the guy who’s been hovering around sky. this guy who sky doesn’t want to introduce to you, not yet, which means he’s important enough to her that she cares whether you meet him or not. whether because your opinion matters or because of something else, you haven’t figured out yet.

taehyung’s eyes rise to meet yours, chopsticks halfway to his mouth when he sees the way you gaze at him thoughtfully, head tilted to the side. your brows are drawing in, and he wants to press his fingers to the crease in the middle, undo the tension, but instead he just asks, “something up?”

you hesitate. for just a fraction of a second, but he catches it. because that’s what decade-long friendships are like. but you’re too quick for him to push it, too easily pull on a smile and reach over to tug on his ear like he’s still a child, nagging at him. “i’m fine,” you admonish. “don’t you worry about me, kid.”

he grumbles something incoherent and swats at your hand, grumbles bordering on whines when you don’t let up, until he catches you grinning at him, mischievous as ever. you retract your hand, satisfied by the grumpy look on his face, though your smile falters a little when you see that it’s not enough to wipe the worry in his eyes.

you focus on your food instead, just so you can avoid that look. but you can still feel him staring at you, like he’s waiting for you to give in to him, so you lift your head back up with a beam and start rattling off, extensively, until he loses that look in his eyes. until he’s back to just regular taehyung, sky’s little brother taehyung, neighbor from across the street taehyung, and not grown-up taehyung, walks you home taehyung, eats with you weekly because he doesn’t want you to be lonely taehyung.

you’re not ready to admit it. taehyung’s only gotten more handsome and charming in his own right over the years. it makes it so that you can’t stand the way that he looks at you sometimes, like he can see right through you.

he’s not supposed to. he’s taehyung. he’s part of your safe, little bubble; the one you built, where the sun can only shine.

waking up is such a miserable experience, you muse.

it’s ass o’clock in the morning. honestly, any time you need to wake up before noon is ass o’clock, but you have to study for your exams and you have a help desk shift later too, so unfortunately, 7am it is.

you force yourself to roll out of bed, look vaguely human-shaped (aka: wear respectable enough clothes), and lug yourself to the library. you could study in your room but you’re a weak bitch and the bed being two feet away is too strong a temptation. therefore: library.

you find a corner to hide away in, scribbling away in your notebook in hopes of retaining an ounce of the information you’ve written down. the hours pass like that, and by some miracle, you don’t develop a stress-induced headache by the time you need to leave for your shift.

you toss your belongings into your backpack, tugging it onto your back, a quite physical reminder of the weight on your shoulders.

you don’t necessarily think that life is unkind to you. you just think everyone gets dealt their deck of cards, and yours happens to be slightly shittier. but hey, if you’re broke enough, you get free housing at the nicest set of apartments on campus, so you win some, you lose some, right?

the losing part right now is the multi-set of jobs running you into the ground. between the restaurant, your help desk job, and the work-study program, it’s a miracle you haven’t failed any of your courses.

you heave a sigh, letting yourself feel bad about it for a minute. you deserve at least that, in the quiet of the library this early in the morning, while most of campus is happily sleeping in on a saturday.

‘most’ is the key word here. you should’ve known your best friend has the integrity of a monk, seeing as she’s at the library at nearly 10am on a weekend.

you slink your way over to her, sneaking up behind her and slinging an arm over her shoulder, mouth already open to whisper-shout her name - that is, up until you spot the man standing before her.

the smile slides off your face immediately. for someone at his towering size, he’d been pretty well hidden behind the shelves. he looks suspiciously close in height to the person you’d seen that night at the restaurant, and the other day when you’d brought sky lunch.

he smiles politely at you, dimples denting in his cheeks. your frown deepens. you’re certain now, that you don’t recognize him in your catalog of sky’s acquaintances, and she seems comfortable around him, much more than she is around any of her classmates.

“hi, sun,” sky greets, gentle smile rising to her lips, though you’re too busy sizing up this guy she’s talking to. he’s sort of huge. he has kind eyes, though, hair swept off to the side, white tee tucked loosely into light colored jeans. but you still stand wary, too familiar with boys who have sweet dispositions and not enough good intentions.

see, the first thing anyone notices about sky is that she’s nice.

well, okay. the first thing most people notice about sky is that she’s pretty. elegant, like she was a princess in some past life, between her perpetual good posture (what college student do you know that isn’t hunched over like a gremlin at least 73% of the time?) and perfectly set hair, not a strand out of place. she’s pretty, in a way that carries into her personality, patient and open. she’s always listened to whatever blown-out-of-proportion story you have for her, letting you drag her into any and all of your bad ideas, no matter the consequences.

the point is that sky holds the sort of kindness that knows no boundaries. she’s content to go with the flow, and despite all the times she’s been let down by passing acquaintances who you’ve ensured can no longer call her a friend, she’s still willing to help. she gives out second, third, fourth chances, doesn’t let the hurt get in the way of her ability to care.

her walls don’t go up as high as yours do. so you make every effort to make sure that the people who take advantage of that never get a chance to hurt her.

“who’s this?”

sky blinks, looking between you and him. christ, he is massive. his biceps are probably the size of your head.

you mostly keep your eyes on him, but turn to glance at sky when she takes a minute longer than usual to answer. she looks a bit startled, like she’s just now realizing you’re actually here; moreover, that you don’t know who her new friend is.

“oh,” she says, lips turning downwards a little, conflicted. something inside you flinches. but then her expression clears and she smiles. “this is namjoon. we have class together.”

namjoon lifts a hand to wave even while you’re narrowing your eyes at him. but still, your hands return to your pockets and you take a step back, forcing your stiff shoulders to lower.

you’re intruding, you realize. sky is having a moment with this tall, handsome person who could probably twist you into a pretzel if he wanted to, and you’re intruding.

a weight sits on your chest at the realization, but you force a smile to your face for sky. you and your reputation and your trust issues need to step out of this.

“i.. i gotta get to work,” you say, anxious hands tugging at your backpack straps just for something to hold onto. “i just popped by ‘cause i saw you.” you glance towards namjoon, trying your best to maintain the smile you generally reserve only for close friends, but it turns too quickly into a grimace so you settle for a curt nod of acknowledgement, before lifting a hand to sky. “see you ‘round.”

you pretend not to notice how sky’s expression falters, heading out without turning around once. the discomfort rolls over in you, pulling at your heart, keeping your shoulders tense.

the way sky looks at namjoon is different. you can tell. two minutes in the same space, and you know sky isn’t just being polite like she was raised to be. she’s content to be around him, their eyes darting to meet each other in quick glances, like it’s difficult to let their gazes stray for too long.

namjoon doesn’t give you any immediate warning signs, and sky’s gotten a lot better at picking her friends. you don’t have to protect her, she’s perfectly capable of it herself. but you still feel wary, still worry that dimpled, unassuming namjoon will fuck her over like any number of people have in the past.

including you, your brain reminds you. you’re the worst one.

your heart tightens in your chest and you shoulder your way out the doors of the library, like barreling into something will shake off the memory any easier.

high school is hard for anyone. emotions are at all time highs; everything feels like it’s high stakes. grades, friendships, romances. everything is always, constantly, on the line.

sky always says it’s not your fault. kim seokjin was not your fault. you were teenagers - kids, really - but no matter how she spins it, you know you’re the one who messed up. even if sky doesn’t blame you, you still do.

how are you supposed to trust your instincts, when the last time you let your guard down for a boy with a disarming smile, he hurt not only you, but your best friend?

sky’s your most important person. her family was there when no one else was, and they didn’t ask questions, either. you don’t think you’ll forgive yourself for letting her down once, and you know you can’t afford to let it happen again. no matter how many times sky says you’ve never had anything to apologize for.

you’re so lost in your own head that you almost bump into someone, so wound up that you nearly fire off immediately before realizing it’s taehyung standing in front of you, looking equal parts amused and concerned. “i think i know what they mean now when they say, ‘blaze a path,’” he muses, and you scoff at him, shoving him to the side without any real force.

“walking with purpose is not what that metaphor means, tae,” you keep marching forward, not bothering to check if he’s matching pace. he’s got long legs, he’ll be fine. “‘blazing a path’ means-”

“sun,” taehyung interrupts, voice low enough that you actually stop lecturing him. his voice softens a little. “you alright? you look like-”

you don’t let him finish, nor give him the courtesy of even a glance his way. “i’m dandy, taetae. just going to my nine to five.”

“you don’t have a nine to five. you’re a student.”

“good job, einstein. wanna tell me how the sky is blue, too?”

“sun.”

you know you’re being curt. you’re lashing out at the wrong person and you stop in your steps to breathe in deeply, exhaling slowly.

“i’m just tired,” you finally spare him a look. you sigh. “i’m sorry. but i really do have to go to work, and if i don’t haul ass, i’m gonna be late.”

he looks at you like he doesn’t believe you, but you both know he’s going to drop it. “you should sleep more,” he settles on. you know he’s about to lecture you with a series of hard facts. “people need eight hours-”

you smirk at him, “you know damn well there’s not a single college student out there getting eight hours of sleep.”

he shrugs. “maybe the business majors?”

you snort. “no. they’re out partying.”

he snaps his fingers. “right. forgot about those.”

“you can forget about parties when your best friend is jimin?” you ask in mock amazement. he scoffs out a laugh in return.

“shut up, sun. i’m serious, you need more sleep. you look like death.”

“oooh,” you tease. “you really know how to make a girl feel pretty.”

taehyung turns his gaze skyward, and you know he’s asking some higher being for the patience to put up with you. you snicker, patting him on the arm. “you’ll get it when you’re older,” you blink forlorn eyes at him, smile overly sympathetic. he scowls back. you make a vague attempt at hiding your amusement, but otherwise continue towards the office, taehyung keeping you company. he doesn’t say anything else, just walks with you. you don’t ask where he was supposed to be headed before you bumped into him, and he doesn’t tell you, either.

it’s when you’re almost at the door that you break your silence, that nagging feeling pulling and pulling at you until you crack. “hey,” you spin towards him, stopping in your tracks right in front of the building. “do you know a namjoon?”

he tilts his head, surprised. “namjoon? yeah, he’s like uhh,” taehyung pauses to think. “i think he was sky’s project partner or something, and now they’re pretty good friends. they have class together. why?”

you make a noncommittal noise. “nothing. just saw them together earlier. sky’s never brought him up before.”

you try not to think too hard at the way taehyung’s eyebrows shoot up. it’s a sign that you’re not overthinking this, that it is weird that sky never mentioned him, because sky tells you everything.

but she didn’t tell you about namjoon.

#taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x yn #taehyung #taehyung x y/n #series: tsns #series: kths

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rottenbrainstuff · 7 months ago

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BG3 playthrough - House of Hope

Man I’m getting legit sad I’m getting so close to being done.

Unpopular (?) opinion - I have read people explaining up and down and back and forth about how pressed they are that Haarlep says Raphael is bad in bed, how Haarlep is unreliable because he hates Raphael, how he’s an incubus so his standards must be very high, how Raphael is probably purposefully doing this or that because Haarlep is a spy keeping an eye on him for daddy so of course he’s not going to appear vulnerable in any way, even how sad and conflicted Raphael must be, being a cambian…

Honestly - I have zero trouble taking Haarlep at his literal word. 100%. Raphael’s house is literally full of paintings and statues of himself. He wrote an entire book that’s nothing but descriptions of different scenarios of him being crowned with the crown of Karsus. His diary entries are absolutely insufferable. He is the textbook definition of hubris and vanity. I have zero problem believing Haarlep literally. And I say all this affectionately, by the way: Raphael is one of my favourite characters in the entire game. But it’s kind of like how everyone wants to soften out all the rough edges on Astarion - I like him like this. I think it’s hilarious that he’s so vain. His hubris is so funny. His opinion of himself is so high and his confidence in his victory is so complete, but his personal incubus is sitting here lounging in his bed absolutely roasting his ass to complete strangers with very little prompting. I think he’s a great devil character and I don’t want to make up excuses for his behaviour in order to humanize him. I definitely do love complicated antagonists who have more to them than it first appears, but honestly I just do not get that vibe from him. And I love him for it.

Haarlep was so funny btw. I just love it when actors are having fun. That must have been so funny to come in and voice the character, like, ok so for today, you’re doing the same voice as before, except make it slutty and bitchy this time. It makes sense I guess that Haarlep can change into a female form if you want, of course he can, and I think it’s funny that even when Raphael wants to shake things up a bit, it’s still with a version of himself, but myeh, that whole thing felt to me like a “hey don’t worry if you’re icked out, we have a girl option too that we can totally switch to if you want.” Maybe I’ve just read too many forum arguments about how there’s too many gay people in this game and people are crying to have a toggle to turn it off, and it makes me hostile to anything that smacks of trying to soothe people’s hurt heterosexuality. (because like, theoretically there could be lesbians who object to the scene as well?) Oh well. Still funny in the end. I was going to go through with just sleeping with Haarlep to avoid a fight, because that’s the direction my tav generally likes to go, but then Astarion got very concerned and made me feel bad, so I changed my mind.

Well this whole area was fun. I loved Raphael’s house. I loved all the details. I loved the debtors, the tacky ostentatious bullshit in every corner, I loved the rotten banquet. Is that its natural state and he charmed it to look fresh when I arrived? (disgusting, I love it) Or has he just been so pissy about whatever went wrong with the skeleton folks at the table that he’s never bothered to have it cleared and has left it there in a temper tantrum as a lesson? (ridiculous, I also love it) I love how absolutely, singularly obsessed Raphael is with my party. I know it’s because we are the means by which he thinks he is going to get that crown, but it also feels personal and weird and uncomfortable. I love that my contract has this place of honour in his archive. It’s almost touching, if it wasn’t my fucking soul. I love how absolutely self-assured Raphael is, how confident he is that his plan is going to work, how the possibility of a failure or a trick, like, he doesn’t even have the capacity to consider that a possibility. It SO GODAMNED FUNNY to kick his ego-inflated ass when he was SO FUCKING SURE that he would win. Raphael you are such an insufferable idiot. I love him. I’m so glad the VA won a Bafta.

The Raphael fight is tricky, but honestly, half of the trick is that before you even get there, you have to fight your way to the foyer past the most annoying enemies. I guess Hope’s divine intervention which can restore your spells and HP helps to balance that out though.

It was surprising to see I was able to get Yurgir to side with me in the fight - I had assumed he’d be SO fucking pissed after I tricked him in the Shar gauntlet. Now I have an additional ally in the big brain fight! …except he really wasn’t all that helpful in the Raphael fight, not at all. He’d go invisible, pop out of invisibility, knife someone for maybe 7 HP, then pop invisible again. I guess every little bit helps but…? Come on dude. At least stay visible so you can soak some hits.

Apparently it’s possible to make Korilla survive the fight? I was… NOT able to do that. You get some extra dialogue if you do, but the fight is hard enough to win even without trying to manage a hostile NPC who is usually the first one Yurgir targets. Sorry Hope, sorry Korilla. How come you can cast Otto’s Irresistible Dance on Raphael, and it will incapacitate him, but it won’t make him actually boogie? I was so excited to see him dance, and then he didn’t, he just stands there.

It doesn’t even need to be said - Raphael’s fight song is of course amazing, chef’s kiss, perfection.

Anyway, bard vs bard fight, very fun, when you kill him Raphael crumples dramatically to the ground, I love the big boss fights in this game.

Coming back, I got a stupid lecture from the Emperor about how naughty naughty I was being. Sure asshole, lecture me about trust, that’s really rich coming from the guy who didn’t trust ME with anything, and I had to pry the truth out, unwillingly, in stages. I can’t fucking wait to doublecross that guy.

If you attack Helsik, Raphael’s boss song also plays? That was… a little bit strange! I wanted to see what was in her basement, but the fight with all the gilded imps and Minotaurs and whatnot was such a pain I didn’t bother. Apparently you can access the basement through Dammon’s basement anyways, if you really want to see it, so. I DID make sure to pickpocket those gauntlets back off her cause I want them.

Mannnn. I’m almost done the game. WTF. All I have left to do is go give Mol her contract, talk to Voss in the undercity and piss off the Emperor, get my poop in a group and… that’s it. I’m off to fight the brain. I’ve been playing this playthrough for six months, and I’m almost done.

#bg3 #bg3 raphael #bg3 playthrough #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3

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exilethegame · 2 years ago

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Hey! I've been meaning to ask you this for a while so here goes - how do you develop your characters? They are so fleshed out and complex, it's so great to notice these little but important details about them. As someone who is trying to be a writer, I absolutely adore reading about them. So, yeah, that's pretty much my question! Do you, like, sit down and make a character profile or you just know what the characters will be like while writing them?

Oooh good question. I had a whole thing written out and managed to condense it to a few points.

1.) Stick with clichés and archetypes when first creating a character. The reason they're cliché and stereotypical is because they work-- so they're amazing places to start when first developing a character. They also work as a good filler so when you're first working on the story you can focus on developing other things first (the plot), things that are required to make any meaningful developments to your characters.

2.) There are two things that are pivotal for developing a character-- and they're things everyone knows but sometimes lose sight of. A character's personal purpose and their narrative one. The personal purpose of a character is their personal story. For Vethna, their personal purpose way back when I was writing an outline in January 2021 was "something is wrong with their magic + they're a runaway sorcerer from a noble family." Their narrative purpose was that they were MC's charge and were paying MC for protection. As you can tell, the narrative purpose is why the character is important to the plot of a story as an individual. Both of these purposes might change as the story progresses, but you need something to build off of in the beginning.

3.) Don't feel committed to your initial character notes. If you wrote a character is always timid but reach a scene where you feel like they need to yell at someone... make them yell, and worry about finding an explanation later. The character notes you made in the beginning will always be predictable. Why? You made them in a single sitting before you even got into the meat of a story. Making in the moment, split decisions for your characters will surprise you, the author, and as a result, surprise the readers, too.

4.) Plot holes and character discontinuity are your best friends in the entire world. There. I said it. Why, you may ask? Because people in the real world are hypocrites, do things we don't expect, and do bizarre things when the circumstances call for it. We can't predict these things in people in the real world, and naturally, we can't predict them in characters, either. Like I said in point 3, if you have a character act weird... find an explanation for it. It will usually force you into developing a personality quirk of the character... which you'll then need to give a reasoning for, which then forces you to develop their history, etc, etc. Everything in writing is a chain reaction-- it's all connected.

5.) Little details are just as important as the big, complex, abstract ones, and they're easy to decide on early in the story. Think of character quirks. Syfyn always being sunburnt because she refuses to wear sunscreen and stands on guard for long hours, Sabir always checking his silver pocket watch whenever he's nervous, Nikke wearing a golden chain of coins and teeth around his waist. These are all weird, random fun facts I made for the characters upon their conception because they added "flavor." They also inadvertently led to great contributions to the characters (Syfyn's stubbornness and the fact she's childishly so at times, Sabir always carrying a family heirloom on him and is obsessed with the time for *some reason*, Nikke's chain becoming a tradition stemming from the Taipan in Virthka). I didn't know any of these little quirks would lead to these character developments-- I just added them because they fleshed out a character quick and easy. When creating a character, add 1 - 3 random little quirks to them. You'll find a reason to explain them later.

6.) Never try to predict your character's relationships ahead of time. Maybe that's just a me thing, but a solid 99% of the fun in writing and the origin of complexity in character relationships stems from letting the characters meet naturally. In your head, you can theoretically imagine how two characters will get along. But often when you actually get to their scene and have to build up the chemistry, it will turn out to be something completely different. That spontaneity is what leads to interesting relationships, which then lead to you having to go back and explain why the relationship is panning out the way it is.

7.) Figure out their voice and stick to it. That's the one thing I will say. For as fun as just flying by the seat of the pants is, once you find out how a character speaks, hold onto it-- that will serve as the thing that keeps unity between the different "sides" of the character. It also keeps your characters from seeming too similar to one another. For example, Vethna speaks properly in front of new people and with great precision and cleverness in a manner that's direct... but when Vethna speaks with someone they're comfortable with they speak in a much more messy, all over the place manner. Sabir, on the other hand, speaks formally but, unlike Vygrand politicians, is much more roundabout in his language-- he says what could be said in three words with eight. He also tends to speak like this even when he's with people he's comfortable and friendly with. If you find a character's voice and stick with it, it makes it so even the most bizarre of character choices can still read smoothly and in-character.

So.... bottomline? 99% of character development is making random, spontaneous decisions that seem interesting and then going back to make it look like you knew what you were doing all along.

Actually... I think that's just writing in general.

Thanks for reading-- especially if you read all the way to the end! :)

#answered #writing

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the-scrappy-stinger · 24 hours ago

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Can Someone Please Explain What's Going On?!

Okay, but you're not gonna like it.

THE PREMISE: Her name is Viola Mangelica Euphorbia.

WEIRD NAME COUNT: THE WINNER for Women's Category (Men's category, remember, was Ginorious Valvavier)

So my girl Mangelica has a family in a lot of debt, and Rich Guy Bitch Boi comes up to her and goes "Hey, so I have a lover already, but she's older than me and an ex-stripper" (she's a "traveling dancer", but come on, she's a stripper) "so I can't marry her. I'll marry you, you live in my house, I'll pay off your family debt, you pretend to be my wife" and you know this setup. So My Girl Mangelica says "Okay" and moves into the house.

So Bitchie Rich lives in the poolhouse outside (it's the "garden cottage", okay, but it's the pool house) with ex-stripper and My Girl Mangelica has the entire mansion to herself with the maid staff, the gardener, and the butler and she's like "WELP, I'm immediately bored. Can I work with y'all?" and they're like "With some... caveats, yes."

The caveats are: All the maid staff are in league to train up My Girl Mangelica into a better wife than ex-stripper in the poolhouse. Her name's Calendula, by the way. All the women in this book are flowers. Dahlia and Mimosa are the head maids, but I digress-

So it... kind of works! My girl Mangelica does needlework, revamps the menu, redecorates, and works on staff. Calendula comes in the house sometimes and doesn't know M.G. Mangelica is The Wife so she shit-talks her 'behind her back'. The setup is actually, like... almost good!

It's also incredibly boring. Mangelica legit spents like 7 of the first 13 chapters doing nothing but housework and embroidery.

And if you're thinking that sounds kinda sus, then you're right. Stay with me.

So I get bored, and I skip the middle, and get to the part that actually matters in the last couple chapters, SO:

The maid staff and the butler's goal the WHOLE TIME was to subtly groom Mangelica into being the perfect wife... and they do. She's got perfect massaged and exfoliated skin, she cooks, she does the laundry, she does needlework, and she never asks for a pretty dress or jewelry or presents even when it's directly offered.

In doing so, Bitchie Rich gets jealous of his own house, and brings Calendula into the mansion going "See this house? With its flowers and needlework? And its good food? I know now that you'll never be that kind of wife for me. I've fallen in love with Mangelica and I'm breaking up with you."

And my girl Mangelica, to his face, in her maid uniform, is like "... that's a terrible idea. I don't even like you."

And she's RIGHT. She, the staff, and Calendula all together tell him to his face that he disappears for months, takes everything for granted, is a flake and a massive cheater, and they don't trust him to keep his word when he says he's fallen in love. He can't just DECIDE to actually love Mangelica- they literally wrote a CONTRACT saying he's allowed to have other lovers in exchange for Mangelica living in the house, and he just broke it. Even Calendula is like "You know, I fell in love with you because you were a headstrong rebel who hated authority but now you're a little bitch who's concerned with impressing his parents? And you fell in love with the idea of your tradwife? You know what? I'm taking my nice dresses and jewelry you gave me and going back to work. Peace, Mangelica, mad respect." and Mangelica's like "Bye, Calendula! Best of luck, I always thought you were sexy and cool."

And I'm reading here going "this is the best fucking ending".

... and it kept going.

It kept going to the tune of Bitchie Rich breaking into tears and physically grabbing my girl Mangelica sobbing going "DON'T LEAVE ME" and redrafting the contract marriage. They stay married, he keeps paying off the family debt, but:

"You're not allowed to have any side lovers! You're ONLY allowed to love me! And you WILL love me!"

My girl Mangelica is confused and slightly scared.

End of book.

END OF BOOK?!

END OF THE FUCKING BOOK?! So I go on Google and I look up the series and not only does the book have SEVEN VOLUMES-

SHE PUT UP WITH HIS ASS AND THEY HAD A BABY!!!

NOOO!!! Mangelica, my girl, you deserve better! You should have run off with Calendula!!! What the FUCK?!

So it was boring until it was good and then it was great until it was terrible. I'm so mad.

#Light Novel Hyperfixation Binge

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j2zara · 4 months ago

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for the ask game!! 📚 💭 👖

Sorry these took all day i've been out and Tired as hell but thank u!

📚 Do you read your own fic?

I try to not feel embarrassed that the answer is yeah bc like I think if other ppl reread their own work it would make sense!!!! Like I would not judge at all and honestly co-sign rereading ur own shit. I literally tell ppl that the reason I write is bc like. It’s basically the chance to craft your own perfectly tailored special interest to share with others. So like. Why wouldn’t I like it? (And this was especially true when I was trying to write original stuff which is why it’s so frustrating I never finish anything. But also a little true now too. This whole weird cloneverse was the product of my dumb thought experiment “what if the clones were people who had the capacity to be just as tragic as Jace). It’s got everything I like in it. I try to tell myself anyway. In practice it’s like. Argh.I kinda go through periods where I like. And this is usually after I JUST posted. Wanna do other things but end up distracting myself by rereading the thing I just made over and over. And then I forget it exists and often in my mind it’s like. Oh I don’t wanna read that i think bc I have residual feelings of like. Idk embarrassment I guess? Like I convince myself it’s old and probably bad but sometimes when I’m glancing at old things I write for. Refresher purposes (usually on cloneverse lol) I end up getting suckered back into rereading it like oh hey is this actually. Good?

Anything older I mostly haven’t looked at in a while bc idk. I’m very hard on my old self. I did reread my Reddie sky high au thing and went. Hm this is actually fun I like this. Most of my IT stuff is like. Ok I think? This is kinda related but I JUST got a comment on a talent swap I wrote for DR and I literally haven’t updated the thing since 2018 and I feel so bad for abandoning it but. Part of it is bc I think if I were to come back to it I would wanna redo some of the old chapters and I feel so pained looking at the early chapters. I keep telling myself I’ll get to it. My Mukuro and Hiro proxy sibling agenda deserves it, they deserve to be best friends so bad, I’m sad I abandoned them.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

This is such a funny question bc I’m such a goddamn blabbermouth so I feel pretty confident that I’ve already posted so much cringe abt the headcanons for cloneverse. Like. Technically J3’s personality started as a headcanon in that i was like “oh, Porter was flirting with J3 the entire time he was falling in love with J2”. 99% of the time if i feel compelled to say it i will just say it? Actually you know what? I just thought of one that might be kinda schmaltzy and i feel bad for not saying its a 100% certainty but in my heart Ankarna grants all the clones some form of true life but it would probably be some fucked genie deal where its like there’s a reincarnation au or something. Like they have to find each other again or something. Very Hadestown Orphydice anybody got a match coded. Genuinely b/c J4 wishes she was never Of Jace she gets what she wants and its like good/bad. Bc i can never stop putting the clones in the torment nexus I don’t know if that’s completely stupid

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

I try so hard to be a planner bc I’m so frustrated by my pantser process. Like. Idk i tend to just ride momentum but without foresight you end up going in directions that can be kinda formless and completely wrong and idk. I have such hard time finishing things b/c of this i think. But when I try to plan I’m also so bad at it i don’t think I’ve ever finished a real and true outline before I start. I want to be the kind of person that has clean outlines but. Idk. So by default I guess I’m a plantser bc I do have docs full of notes but my notes are always super messy and like. Idk what I’m doing evolves so much while I work that half the time the notes end up not even accurate to what I’m aiming for. Worst of both worlds life

#jan.ask

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daniel-profeta · 11 months ago

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daniel profeta Interview

Hey y'all!! Back around March/April 2023 I was approached by a diy "magazine" that was more of a blog about artists in Georgia, to record an interview about my music and other projects. Sadly they decided against using it, but they just sent me a transcript so I could post it myself. It's slightly disjointed, but maybe you'll find some enjoyment out of it.

daniel: My dad got a used acoustic guitar when I was 13, and I kinda stole it to practice with all the time. So began my awe-inspiring journey of entirely mundane events. I taught myself how to play and sing with YouTube and just went forward from there. All throughout my life I've had problems expressing myself, but music, and art as a whole, have become my voice and taken over nearly every aspect of my life.

With hindsight I realized this always was the case. As a kid I was always enamored with storytelling… From reading for hours a day to attempting and failing to write a fantasy novel, from crying listening to Elliott Smith, Alex G, Mitski, Car Seat Headrest, Phoebe Bridgers, and countless other artists and bands to writing and recording hundreds of songs that never saw the light of day, my life has been a string of "failures" that's slowly becoming a vessel for expression. Meeting that one person who knows your songs and sings along with you, knowing you wrote something that meant anything to another human, makes me feel less alone. That's what it's all about.

I owe a lot to my parents for cultivating an appreciation for art, and while they never exactly "approved" of my life choices (laughs), they never really tried to stop me. Maybe they should have tried harder, who knows. When I was really young my mom tried and succeeded at getting me interested in acting in films. While I started as an extra in shows and movies like Stranger Things and The Hunger Games (it's a lot easier to be a movie extra than many people think), I eventually started getting actual roles. I've been in a few horror short films, and if you ever try to talk to me about horror I will talk your ear off… But the highlights of my acting career have been working in the incredible educational series Super Science Showcase as the geeky character Caleb, and meeting and working with the innovative director Barry Jenkins on the show The Underground Railroad (while my role was fairly small in that, that week of filming was one of the most surreal and rewarding experiences of my life, second only to playing live music and having people scream my lyrics in my face).

I was homeschooled growing up, and my family was forced to move around a lot as we struggled to find affordable housing and jobs. The cool thing about being homeschooled is you kinda set your own hours and have a little more free time, but the bad thing (for me) about homeschooling was the feeling of isolation and inability to do much besides write and try to make stuff. I wasn't allowed on the internet until I was 14-15, but then it was like a whole new world opened up for me.

One interesting thing about trying to create this life is the weird relationship most people have to it. Like, no one supports you unless you're successful, yet it's almost impossible to be successful without support. For example, I have a YouTube channel where I have uploaded nearly 2000 videos over the course of 3 years (yes, I know I have no life, don't rub it in) that's just called "daniel profeta" (stylized lowercase cause I'm cool). In the last few months I went from having 1000 subscribers to having 25,000 subscribers. My point being, "overnight" success is only real to people on the outside, people who don't see the thousands of failed attempts. People who don't hear the conversations where everyone close to you tells you to give up. Every step of the way there are opportunities to learn and grow and adapt, but you must be willing to block out the noise and get up every time you fall. That's the realest thing people who make art will learn, not everyone will like what you're doing. It takes time and effort to find YOUR people. But just know they're out there, and never give up.

I never had formal training of any kind, for acting, writing, guitar, vocals, bass, piano, recording, editing, the list goes on. Quickly I learned that I would never have the equipment, connections, or resources that many others did, but that's where you become resourceful. I am forever indebted to lo-fi music like Car Seat Headrest, The Mountain Goats, Bright Eyes, and Daniel Johnston, because without them I probably never would have had the courage to start. The ethos of DIY is one outside of gatekeeping and elitism, the ideas and community are open in mind and heart. We will "make it", and we will do so on our own terms. So, to keep this explanation brief, I have made multiple albums of music with no "real" recording equipment and recorded music videos myself with a crappy camera and some friends. I play all the instruments and do all the mixing myself. It's incredibly fun yet tedious, but the feeling of uploading or playing something is the greatest feeling in the world.

Your question was if my road was a smooth one, but I would say there really wasn't a road at all. Just foreboding uncharted wilderness with a few guiding lights of inspiration to help me on the way to creating the life I hope to have. But the way I see it, each failing, each stumble, and each limitation were just blessings in disguise. Take my music for instance, I used to feel ashamed of the low recording quality of my early work, but now I see it like a badge. It's honest, raw, and ultimately more powerful and unique. And the people I've met are some of the most driven and ambitious people in the world. We will make it, and when we do everyone who doubted will eat their words (laughs again), not that it matters. To quote Frank Lopez Jr. "Probably won't taste like the blood sweat and tears and the fear of regret and the ever elusive 3% chance I’m going to make it."

My main thing right now is music, and I play all over Atlanta and the rest of Georgia (if any venues or people with cool basements hears this and wants to book me, hello…. My name is Daniel, and I'm a pretty cool guy who's fairly easy to exploit. Feel free to reach out as I'm nearly always desperate for work) and hope to start playing more states soon. I currently don't have a band (if any cool people hear this and want to join my band, hello…), so my live shows are a mix of covers and original music done with an acoustic guitar. Folk music, punk music, indie rock, confessional songwriting, and the heaviest industrial metal/noise music you've heard since Swans. Or 100 Gecs.

But I am most proud of my recording efforts to be honest. The website Bandcamp has been a godsend. One of the only companies that fairly pays artists right now (looking at you Spotify…), Bandcamp is a place artists can upload music and charge for it and whatever. Anyways, I have 2 full albums and a 25 minute EP on Bandcamp and on my YouTube channel. I recorded many many songs and sequenced albums before this, but none of that has seen the light of day.

The first album is called Mania Machinations and it was pretty depressing to make and to listen to. But it was incredibly therapeutic to me, it felt like casting out demons. There are also a few songs I still think are really pretty, like the song Go to Bed which is about that feeling I mentioned earlier. I remember I was on a call with someone I trusted for hours and at the end they told me I should stop trying to make music because it didn't sound good. They told me I was going to end up broke and homeless and that I was pretty stupid for even attempting to do this stuff.

To me, the point has always been about expression and catharsis. And once I found a few people who my messages resonated with, then the point expanded to almost a group therapy thing. Casting out demons. So anyways, I got off that call that fateful night at 5 am and went to my room and wrote Go to Bed to try and describe all the thoughts in my stupid head. It started out bitter, but then changed and became something beautiful.

The second album is Paper Skies, and in that one I tried to adopt a character to live the life I want to live. Themes of touring, meeting people, and still not quite finding whatever it is I'm looking for. Ideas of ascending to the stars by shooting for the moon. Lots of pipe dreams and sad breakup songs. But about halfway through, the "character" starts to fall apart as imposter syndrome takes hold. In the end I go back to themes of mental health and isolation. This album is lyrically super meta and kind of pretentious, but when I wrote it, it didn't feel that way.

And my latest project is an EP called The Sighting, which I highly recommend as a starting point if you want to listen to my music. The Sighting is titled to sound like a UFO encounter. I tried to tone down some of the darker elements, and I just really like the way this one turned out. I'm a big album person, and when I write I try to sequence things right. Everything has purpose and is tied together thematically, and in this case I was thinking of the future. Of the possible end of the world or breakdown of society as we currently know it. But instead of making songs about that, I just used a post-apocalyptic setting as a backdrop for a bunch of songs that at their heart are love songs. The music videos I made I'm really proud of, especially one called Lighting in a Bottle (which was inspired by Elliott Smith's video for Coming Up Roses).

Oh, almost forgot to mention this, but if you download any of my music off Bandcamp you get access to liner notes and cool artwork. Also, exclusive to The Sighting there is a pdf that serves as a book of short stories to flesh out the post-apocalyptic world. There's a lot of recurring themes and motifs in my work, and a lot of them get explained in much further detail. Plus, they took months to write so it'd be awesome if people got to read them.

Finally, I'm currently obsessed with YouTube. On my channel I talk about music, weird media, horror, and make video essays and commentary style videos on pretty much anything I'm interested in. Every now and then I go live and play music. I think I'm funny, maybe you will too!

The music industry is so vast, I don't think I can even begin to predict how things are going to shake out, I can only speak to my little bubble. But one thing I know for certain, you'll be hearing about me and my associates more and more as the years go on. Just kidding… Or am I?

In all seriousness, I am seeing some interesting trends develop among people my age (I'm 19) {note from current me: I'm 20 now lol}. More and more bands like, I don't know, Pigeon Pit, are finding success. The Front Bottoms are getting huge. Phoebe Bridgers is a cultural icon. People like Mac Demarco are able to release music on Bandcamp and actually become millionaires. Some would have you believe music is dying, I believe there has never been a more interesting time in music. The variety, lack of extreme censorship, ability to find fans and friends without needing a record label, power to play almost anywhere, at this point all you really need is patience, drive, determination, and something to say. Everyone has something to say.

Indie rock and psychedelic rock seem to be making a comeback into the mainstream, and so does pop punk and nu-metal. Lots of genres being mashed together to create new things. 100 Gecs basically made a whole new genre super popular. An artist called Weatherday made one of the coolest albums ever only a couple years ago. Will Toledo went from recording albums in his car to playing big venues.

The world seems to be able to tell when an artist is being real, so my advice for artists that want to find lasting success would be to do whatever you want. Don't worry too much about trends, there's a place for pretty much everything and you'll have way more fun making the weird stuff you want to make instead of making something that looks or sounds exactly like whatever happens to be popular at the time. Sure, the culture shifts, but it's never boring.

That's my whole thing, at least art is never boring. I can try to approach life as an adventure instead of as a terrifying slog through hardship and pain. Whether or not I'm deluding myself doesn't really matter at that point. Perspective is like 50% of your entire outlook and attitude I've come to learn.

thanks for reading, if any blogs wanna interview me and also not be too scaredy-cat to publish it:)

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tobiasdrake · 11 months ago

Text

So I need to meet the pirates at the--

Huh. When we swim, the reflection of our hair in the water makes it look like we're wearing pool floaties. Valere's fades in and out but Zale's is ever present.

Garl, meanwhile, is the most bouyant motherfucker ever to exist. He doesn't even swim. He kicks his legs a little bit to propel himself but he doesn't tread water like Valere and Zale do; He hangs onto his backpack and floats there.

Garl, what do you have in your backpack counterweighting all of that cookware? Tell me your secrets, you unsinkable bouncy man!

...what was I doing? Right, harassing townsfolk.

888 G!? CHOKE ON MY STAFF YOU--

I may have overreacted. And I apologize if anyone was upset by my entirely warranted outburst of violence.

Having been calmly and civilly persuaded to stand down/dragged from the room by Garl and Zale, we are now pursuing an alternative strategy.

The plan was to cook food and then sell it for profit. We are here in the mole mines because we have a merchant at the campfire ready to sell things hot off the pan.

However, we've run into a bit of a snag. That is, after crunching the numbers, we've found that there is no monetary value added to food by cooking it. We can get the same results by selling the raw ingredients. So we trekked up here for nothing.

And after overturning Garl's entire bag into the mole merchant's hands while he pleaded with me to stop, we're still short 50 G.

*deep breath* It's okay. That's on me. It's my fault for agreeing to pursue a peaceful solution, rather than the time-tested and proven standby.

Wanton violence.

It's done. A lot of skulls were cracked to make this purchase happen. Consider it a gesture of my infinite mercy that yours wasn't one of them.

Oh, and in case anyone asks why the Coral Cascades are red now, just tell them it's probably fine and I'm sure it will go back to normal in due time.

I should burn down the dock you're hiding under. >_<

I should burn down this whole city.

You know, where I come from, people weren't this fucking uppity, greedy, and rude. We were a small village with some weird practices but people took care of each other and were respectful of other people's--

Oh shit, people in Brisk leave valuable goods out on their rooftops. I'm stealing everything that isn't nailed down!

90 GOLD to cheat at a rigged spinny wheel game? I just spent nearly every cent I had on Yomara's Eye! What kind of sucker do you think I--

I. Don't. Want to hear it. Zale.

...hey, does anyone remember what we were supposed to be doing in this-- OH SHIT

I was doing my hair.

I still don't know why we're doing this instead of simply trading quest for quest, but okay. Not to brag but I'm pretty sure I can arm-wrestle anybody under the table. And by "I", I mean Garl.

Aww, what a delightfully sycophantic way of saying "I'm the guy with the muscles so this should probably be my job."

You don't need to blow smoke up my ass but I appreciate you all the same, and I agree wholeheartedly. Go get 'em, Garl.

What.

WHAT.

NUH NUH NUH Don't just shrink back down and mysteriously regenerate your torn shirt, I demand an explanation for what the fuck that just was. Quartermaster Broly needs to come clean right the fuck now or I'm going to start hitting every single person here.

Oh. That makes sense. I apologize. Quartermaster Venom, then.

You know, I was wondering how the shirt regenerated but I wrote it off as cartoon shenanigans. I shouldn't have made assumptions about the physics of our universe. That's my bad.

Well, I guess we're going to help you go look for the Vespertine, then. That's fine. I wanted to do that anyway.

Okay, that will be the other wizard. Back when he was cryptically spoiling the plot, Archivist mentioned there'd be two of them that we have to face on this island.

Are they required to accept it? Or do you have to have a pre-existing financial transaction going on, and then you slip it in there like a hidden clause in the Terms of Service that nobody reads?

Does it still count as his ship after his crew mutinied and hurled him overboard? I feel like it's not his ship anymore. You're planning to cheat and swindle him out of his rights to a product he has no true ownership of. That's like buying an NFT with counterfeit currency. Who's scamming who in that scenario?

Bag must be getting pretty tight. You sure you can carry all that, Garl?

Good choice. I wouldn't want to be crammed in with all those people either. We'll come by and pick you up once we're done, uh....

Okay, after that last wizard, I'm genuinely not sure if we need to hit this one with a stick or talk about their feelings. But I have my stick and I have my Garl so I'm all set for either.

I mean. I know technically we're just going there to rob but I'm sure we'll meet the wizard along the way. These things don't tend to go smoothly.

You're pirates; I expect a bit of sleight of hand from people like you. But I appreciate the new minigame all the same.

You should probably go tell Captain Cliche, as I've been informed it's pronounced, that she won't be hearing from us for a while.

#sea of stars #drake plays sea of stars

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zairas-realm-gateway · 1 year ago

Note

when bege met with sanji, he specifically said that he would be marrying the 35th daughter of the charlotte family AND says her name is pudding. he has a nasty history of being perverted towards teenage girls after the timeskip (he literally Turns To Stone upon seeing shirahoshi, who is only 16) and his attitude with pudding is no exception (she even comments on his perversion during the wedding ceremony. there was no "brainwashing" involved, he is just a perv.)

im a sanji fan myself, but you can't turn a blind eye from his behavior towards teenage girls. he is 21 years old in canon after the timeskip. pudding being "mentally 18" is such a gross way to explain why sanji might view her as older than she really is and as someone who was groomed by a pedophile for acting older than i actually was at the time, that phrasing sets off so many red flags in my head.

im not necessarily saying sanji is a pedophile (because i truly dont believe that he is given his attraction to All women and 16 is the lowest age hes acted like that towards), but it is still extremely weird of him and people making fun of him or criticizing that aspect of him is perfectly fine and you shouldn't take it as a personal thing. that is just how oda wrote him. (but hey at least he's not kyros or vander decken who genuinely ARE pedophiles.)

You make some good points.

Alright, I'll take the correction on Bege telling him her name. But that still doesn't give any other details. Sanji isn't told her age, occupation, baking skills, etc.

I have a lot to say on his intricate and nuanced forced relationship with Pudding.

Long post and discussion under the cut

As for for the history with teenage girls post-ts, I think it's just Shirahoshi??? And while I'm not saying that's good, I will say that I am conflicted on some of the characterization in Fishman Island. I haven't read it in a long time so I'm just working off what I remember here. While the plot of Fishman Island is great, I always have some issues with the arc itself. It always feels a little off to me. Like some of the characterizations are just a little wonky here and there throughout the entire arc. It feels like Oda forgot how to write a few characters. It also feels like he's using that arc to see how far he wants to push new gags or personality aspects he's trying to work with after the IRL mini timeskip. Like he doesn't quite know just yet who some of the straw hats are after their time skip. I'm not saying that excuses Sanji's behavior, I'm just saying it makes me conflicted over the legitimacy of Sanji's personality in that arc. Because like Oda doesn't use the "almost die from bloodloss gag" again after fishman island either so it just always kinda feels like Oda was fumbling around in the dark with Sanji (as well as a few others) in Fishman Island. That's just me, though.

As for Sanji being obsessed with Shirahoshi's beauty, wasn't that like the whole thing with her? Wasn't like the entire country obsessed with how pretty she was? I could be mistaken but I thought I remember the citizens being enamored by her as well. I ain't saying it makes it better, I'm just saying that Oda made that a weird prominent detail if I'm remembering it right.

And I didn't say that that Pudding was "mentally 18" nor do I think she is, I said that she could be mistaken for 18 in a quick meeting. Meaning he wouldn't question her age as he actually barely got to talk to her at all. I think he only ever spoke to her like 2-3 times and never for very long or unchaperoned (judging by how Pudding talked about Sanji). Especially since Pudding is an excellent actor and is actively manipulating Sanji in a specific way that Big Mom has coached her to do. Neither family cared if Sanji and Pudding liked each other or cared about what was healthy for them so they would have no reason to let them interact for very long. As someone who was emotionally abused by my mother, when I was a teenage I took on personality traits and speaking patterns of someone older than myself (a common problem with emotional abuse). People often mistook me for being older than I actually was in short conversations. If Sanji never had any actual long conversations with Pudding, he'd have no clue that's she's not actually 18. While this doesn't make things right, it would explain some behaviors.

He doesn't actually want anything to do with her. He just wants to go home.

As for what I consider Sanji basically brainwashing himself is just him talking himself into an obsessive and possibly dissociative mindset. Sanji's under so much duress and his mental health is so incredibly fractured right now that if he's going to survive, his only option is to construct a dreamworld so far out of reality that he's actually happy and in love with Pudding.

Because of the sudden influx of trauma, stress, and crippling hopelessness, Sanji's grasp on reality is quickly crumbling. He needs to take any handhold he can grab. The only handhold he's allowed to take is Pudding. He calls her his "Ray of Hope". And because of this, he throws himself so hard into her orbit that he goes to the extreme of being creepy because now his only grasp on reality is Pudding.

This protective delusional headspace he's in is so strong (again, common for people who have suffered severe trauma and abuse) that he stays in it until he sees her eye. Because he if didn't have this headspace to keep him "calm" beside his would-be murderer, the wedding ceremony on the cake may have ended in actual disaster. And all their plans would be ruined.

After he gets through to Pudding by calling her eye beautiful, the very real danger of him being murdered is gone and he's released from his protective headspace. Which explains why he's so platonic towards her during the escape and all the cake baking despite the fact that she's constantly melting when he even looks at her.

What I am saying is that if Sanji called out for simping on teenage girls was a definable trend in his personality, why is he never all over Carrot? From what I remember (and I could be wrong), he only ever treats her like a little sister. She's young and pretty but still in Zou Sanji simps over the adult women minks rather than Carrot, despite her platonically being all over him (minks are just very affectionate). Hell, he seeks out Pedro more than Carrot.

I'm not saying that Sanji shouldn't be called out for being a fucking perverted idiot. Because he is one. I'm just saying that it pisses me off when people write him off as a one-note creep not worth thinking about instead of taking the time to understand that Sanji is extremely nuanced far outside his single trait of being horny.

I will say that Sanji can be creepy but I don't get the vibe from him about being an active creep specifically towards teenage girls. Especially since he seems to prefer more mature women like Robin, Kiku, Viola or frightening women like Nami.

As for me taking things personally and getting physically ill. That's just me being stupid and having severe rejection sensitivity when it comes to Sanji. I wish it'd go away.

I think it all boils down to Oda having sus choices in character ages... It would have changed literally nothing if he had just made Pudding 18.

#[I know that these kinds of analysis and discussions opens me up to anons but I can just never keep my mouth shut about Sanji. Sigh.#[I always seem to tempt fate. sigh #one piece #black leg sanji #tw: abuse #tw pedophila mention

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