#hes so articulate with it and like i guess confident that it makes me feel like

[ratmoved]

I think if i actually used tumblr more as the way i wanted to and not JUST reblog rlly amazing content id be like happy

[mariasont]

hiii! I read your last spencer one shot AND I LOVED IT! IT WAS SO SWEET AND YOU'RE SO TALENTED!! Would you write something about post prison reid and shy reader? I was thinking of her as the media liaison (in my mind she is old-fashioned in music and clothes I'd wear skirts everyday, her emotional intelligence makes her good at her job, despite her shyness). Maybe she's clumsy, especially when she gets nervous and more especially (I don't even know if that's grammatically correct) when she's around Spencer.

Thank you so much for reading this, you're doing an EXCELLENT job, your works are a masterpiece!! 💕💖💝💓💓💖💞💕💖💓

Make a Wish - S.R

a/n: eekkkkkk post-prison spencer reid has me in a CHOKEHOLD! thank you so much for requesting, i'm so sorry for the delay! i hope i did your request justice!! I LOVE LOVE YOU!

masterlist

pairings: post prison!spencer reid x shy!reader

wc: 0.9k

You had been meaning to give the reports fastened in your hands to Spencer for give-or-take two hours now. Each time you gathered the courage to approach him, just one glance, one simple stupid glance from those piercing eyes set your nerves on fire and sent your brain in overdrive.

As the new media liaison from the narcotics unit, you were warned about the BAU's intimidating figures, particularly Rossi and Emily. However, no warning came regarding Spencer Reid. They mentioned his tendencies for long-winded explanations and awkward social interactions but not the aura of intensity he exuded. Whenever he entered a room, you instinctively started looking for an exit, not because of his criminal record, but because you found yourself hopelessly mesmerized by him.

He was perfect in every sense of the word—brilliant, compassionate, selfless, and an exceptional agent. At least, this is what you had observed from afar. A part of you was scared that any real interaction with him would shatter the idyllic image you had crafted in your head, and you weren't confident you were prepared for such disillusionment. However, you needed to give him these damn papers, dreading the alternative, which was getting summoned to Emily's office.

"Hi."

You did it, okay, first step complete. You opened your mouth, determined to get out the next part you had practiced a little over twenty times in your head, but the words seemed to dissipate into a misty fog in your brain.

"Um, these are for you," you said, rocking back onto the balls of your mary janes, placing the report on his desk. "It's the Henderson lie detector test transcript?"

"Is it?"

You realized you had said it like a question.

You paused, the part of your brain stuttering for a second, trying to flip over the thousands of scenarios you had rehearsed in your head for this interaction. None of them had included those words.

Just a little off script and you felt your fight or flight kick in—nails digging into your palms as you avoided eye contact.

"Yes." A little more confident this time, not by much, and it quickly deflated as you second guessed yourself, stepping closer to peer over his shoulder at the document. "At least I think."

"I'm just messing with you, it is." He said, eyes flickering down to the document, then to you. "You okay?"

"M-Me? Okay? Yeah, of course." The words were stumbling out of your mouth at a rate that was hard to keep up with. "Do I not look okay?"

"No, of course you look okay," he responded, brows knitting together as his gaze traveled down your body, no doubt dissecting your every thought. "You just seem... a bit nervous."

You opened your mouth, aiming to articulate a coherent thought, but it fell short and was quickly interrupted by Spencer.

He suddenly leaned in, his eyes narrowing. "Wait, hold still; you have an eyelash."

He was so close, you swore you feel his breath on your cheeks, instantly warming them. Your body was in overdrive, trying to recalibrate as his finger grazed the area under your right eye. You closed your eyes, almost unwillingly, relishing in the unexpected touch.

This was weird. Every nerve in your body was on high alert, and you balled your hand into a fist, attempting to mask the way you were shaking.

The sound of your name snapped you out of your daze. Your eyes followed suit, meeting Spencer's prying eyes. His finger was raised, your eyelash perched on the tip. Your face could have been a furnace, flames of heat spreading from your neck to your nose.

"Do you want to make a wish?"

He looked at you expectantly, eyes darting from your face to his raised pointer finger.

"Okay."

You closed your eyes, forming the wish in your mind before blowing on the lash. You watched it float to the ground, settling gently on the toe of Spencer's shoe. 

"What did you wish for?"

"I feel like I'm not supposed to tell you that," you say, pulling at the ends of your hair.

He was undeniably good-looking. It wasn't like you were just realizing it; you had eyes and you were only human. But up close, you could see every detail—the dark circles under his eyes, the rough stubble under his jaw.

"I think you're right."

The sudden intimacy of the moment made your heart skip a beat. You stepped back, nodding at his words and also nothing in particular.

"Anyway, yeah, those are the papers—," you began, turning to walk away. As you did, you bumped your hip into the desk beside you, hissing under your breath in response.

"Christ, are you okay?" His hand was on your hip as the words came out of his mouth.

The touch only seemed to intensify your embarrassment. You stepped out of his grip, dropping your phone as you did which you quickly bent down to pick up.

"Sorry, yeah, I'm fine, just forgot I have a meeting with Emily, so I'm just gonna—," you pointed towards her office, quickly making your escape from Spencer as you tried to catch your breath.

Once you were a distance you deemed safe enough, you allowed yourself a quick glance back at him. He was smirking, and you felt that all familiar heat rising into your chest once again.

You really hoped that wish would kick in soon.

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[r0cket-qu3en]

Morning After

tommy lee one shot <3

warnings: mention of drugs, smoking, mention of alcohol, fluff

prompt: reader cheats on her boyfriend with Tommy after drinking togheter, the morning later she looks for her shirt so that she can leave, but she finds something else.

He looked at her with a wicked little smile, while she pulled up her low-waisted pants, which showed off her tanned stomach. He pushed himself up on his forearms and looked her up and down, bit his lip and tilted his head to the side, looking her over carefully.

He reached out with a muscular, tattooed arm and grabbed a pack of Marlboros from the side of the nightstand, taking a cigarette from the box and started to grab the red lighter next to the crumpled, half-rusty paper pack. The cigarette between his pink lips already gave him a sense of pleasure, as if he had already lit it. The snap of the lighter being lit made the girl turn, as if the noise had disturbed the thoughts that were wandering in her head.

"Scared?" He asked, taking the cigarette between his fingers, so he could articulate his words well and show her his confident, arrogant little smile. He wanted to show her how attractive he was. She stopped and looked at him. She was pacing around the room in a bra and cheap jeans she had bought in Indiana that spring, looking for something.

"No." She said seriously and went back to searching nervously, trying to leave the room as soon as possible. He lit the cigarette and closed his eyes, while the taste of tobacco filled his brain with pleasure and calm, almost to the point of fogging it. He inhaled, savored the sensation of nicotine and then slowly let the smoke slip out of his mouth, trying to slow down the moment and make it last as long as possible. The smoke dissolved into the air, invisible, but the heavy smell made the atmosphere suffocating, at least for her, who was starting to feel out of breath.

"What are you looking for, honey?" he asked her, while his provocative smile took on an air more amused than attractive. "Nothing." She said, absentmindedly, while moving everything she found at hand: shirts, sheet music, song lyrics, bottles of vodka and some cocaine hidden in the most remote corners.

"Tell me what you're looking for, maybe I can help you." He spoke to her in a soft and reassuring voice, she found herself on the verge of vomiting from the guilt of the boy's kind and sincere tone.

"My shirt." She gave in, hoping that he would find it and that she could finally leave that room, maybe along with it the feeling of dirtiness that was becoming more and more frequent. It was a strange feeling, that certainly didn't belong to the good girl she was, the street changes people, I guess. He looked around, then lifted the white and messy sheets, looking for the shirt of the girl in front of him.

She looked at him nervously, she seemed uncomfortable, she didn't want to continue looking at the boy's naked chest sitting in the double bed, still warm and clean, perfect for spending the morning in bed, together. She kept looking, and so did he, still sitting comfortably on the bed.

"You look good, without your shirt, I mean... I mean, you look good with your shirt on, but you know..." He started babbling. It happened to him every time he talked to a girl he liked: he'd babbling and stammering compliments.

"Just look for my shirt, please." She begged him and he started looking again.

He found more than he could have imagined among the sheets: used condoms, some coke leftovers and condom wrappers. He felt a slight urge to vomit as he looked at the dirty scraps.

She was looking in a wooden cabinet with a couple of drawers. The cabinet was a mess too. There were chopsticks, magazines, letters, photos... The photos were mostly of Tommy as a child with his family and most of the letters were addressed to David Lee Thomas Bass and Vassiki Papadimitriou or from them. They were yellowish and smelled like books. Some were in better condition than others, but Tommy seemed to care about every single one of them.

As she was moving sweaty shirts and wands full of signatures, something fell at her feet. Something small, because it didn't make much noise. The thought of the shirt left her mind for a moment and she looked down at the small object that had fallen.

She bent down to pick it up and put it back in its place, if she had one, but as soon as she picked it up she noticed how out of place the object was in that messy and dirty room. It looked like it had ended up there by accident, like someone had lost it in Tommy's room and now he had it. It gave her the idea of something priceless, even if it probably wasn't.

It was a small black velvety box, the surface was so soft to the touch that she rubbed her thumb a couple of times over it before opening it. Inside was a ring. A small silver ring, thin and shiny. She looked at it, motionless, for a few seconds.

"Found your shirt" He said, out of nowhere, getting up from the bed and standing behind her, looking at the open box in her hands.

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend." She muttered, feeling worse. Her eyes lowered to the ring that shone under her eyes.

"A girl you want to marry." She added, clutching the box.

"She's not my girlfriend, not yet anyway." He said, resting his chin on her shoulder and caressing her hips. "It was for you, anyway." He finished.

[sea-buns]

hey to a gorgug liker what do you think about his nightmare section from sophomore year? cause I feel like the horror there is less “ah my grandparents were racist” and more “fuck am I being a stereotype? are the people who hate me right about me?” cause wrt to his having to modulate between barbarian and artificer in fhjy it’s like. idk

oh boy do I have thoughts

Tbh, I had zero recollection of the racism stuff until reading this. It was just SO MINOR. His trial in the forest felt really lackluster to me. I feel like everyone else's really dug into an issue at the core of their character and his felt more like "everyone is getting a trial, what do we do for gorgug?" And idk if that was just a bad delivery/call on Brennan's part or if it could have been helped by Zac engaging more in it but it just. Didn't feel like anything. It was a lot more about the dice than the horror of the claustrophobia and the bugs and you've never fit in anywhere you live to make yourself smaller wherever you go you're just the loser who hits hard. Like yeah I guess there was an overarching theme of Gorgug gaining confidence in himself but it was done very poorly imo.

And I think his trial in the forest was wrong for putting such an emphasis on his intelligence. I think that would have been much better suited in fy, back when he was still being heavily bullied, but beyond that it felt like a quick and easy thing for them to grab. Yes, he had insecurities about his intelligence with all the complications with Zelda. But, to me, the focus of fhsy was his HEART. It put a spotlight on how his social circle has grown, and his bully is his friend now, and he's not alone anymore. His interactions with Ayda, the friendship book, trying to help Fabian, I believe in you spring break, it's Gorgug keep going. I made a post earlier in the season (including a great addition by another user) that I think articulates that emphasis on his emotional intelligence very well.

Fhjy HOWEVER. I think it's doing everything that sy failed at. It's giving him space to have an inner conflict. It's addressing lots of little issues and conflicts he's had over the campaign and combining them into one coherent piece. Like, guy was in a relationship pretty much all of fy, and then dealt with the fallout in sy, but I don't think we've EVER seen as much quality relationship development with Gorgug as we have in jy. He and Fig spent an entire summer together trapped in a tour bus and no season has indicated that bond and friendship more than this one. He and Riz have found something to bond over, meanwhile in previous seasons there was pretty much zero one-on-one personal interaction between them. Fabian expressed sadness over Gorgug leaving the Owlbears, because it was the only thing they had that was just for them to hang out and be friends.

Just with that, we're already doing leagues more with Gorgug's character than we ever have. And I haven't even STARTED on his barbificier journey, oh dear god lmao.

Gonna preface this bit with a post I made before the season even started. It was about Zac's steady improvement in his performances with every PC, and how I was predicting that it was gonna culminate into a Gorgug that does him the justice he deserves. It was initially supposed to be a criticism, but I got a little lost in the sauce of loving my boy lol. Still very relevant to the topic of this ask!

God, where do I START?? Addressing his relationship with rage? I'll be honest, I didn't think that would ever be used as a character arc. And I'm not even sure why I've felt that way. I just didn't think... I didn't think about how he might've had a dislike for his own rage. Like, the WAY he rages isn't bad by any means, but I don't think it ever crossed my mind how actually harmful his lessons to sing to combat rage were. No, I did not like the way Porter went about teaching him (a bit too unsupportive of his capabilities and reminiscent of shitty teachers for my liking). But his point about EMBRACING anger; that rage is not bad and does not— should not— need to be stifled. THAAAAT. That opened up such an interesting dialogue for Gorgug.

I do appreciate the beginnings of Gorgug's interest in artificing in fhsy. I think the crumbs of it back then did a great job of leading into his larger commitment to multiclassing. And I think what he's been doing with it this season is exactly what was lacking in his section of the nightmare forest. His trial was a puzzle, based entirely on die rolls, where his solution after failing even when he's assisted by the enemy is to essentially give up. I understand that facing their fears was the whole point of the trials, but his section came off as incredibly anticlimactic and unfulfilling. Just the fact that it was a trial based on stat numbers more than the development of the character itself.

Where junior year succeeds in actually showcasing his intelligence and the evolution of the worth he holds in himself is with the hands-on approach it takes. Yes, the academic rolls are still dice and stats, but there's a physical manifestation that wasn't there before. Gorgug is smart when it comes to getting his hands dirty. It is in the practical applications of his skills that his brand of intelligence shines the most.

And while, once again, I did not LIKE Porter's heavy resistance to multiclassing....I have to admit that I don't think Gorgug would have had such a boost in confidence without that struggle. Even if my boy had trouble expressing it to Porter verbally, HE STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF. Instead of simply rolling over and agreeing that he wasn't built for a technical class and it was stupid to try– he was DEFIANT.

The kid who said "I'm a dumbass. Eat me you stupid bug." took on FOUR CLASSES. Three school years worth of artificer simultaneously. AND stayed with the Owlbears. AND went along on party missions to help Kristen's candidacy. AND was always on deck to help the party with the overarching plotline.

AND HE ACED IT!!! THE FIRST BARBIFICER THAT THE AGUEFORT ADVENTURING ACADEMY HAS EVER SEEN!!!!! He is paving the way for every unprecedented multiclass that follows.

Just in comparison to who he was in the previous season, the amount of drive and self-worth he's gained is astounding. In my eyes, it's done more than enough to makeup for the way his development fell flat in sophomore year.

i hope this fulfilled the ask in the way you were hoping! i told you i'd get carried away lmao. writing a bunch about any of zac's characters is always such a joy. gorgug had always been my favorite of the bad kids but i always found myself wishing he went deeper, y'know? and now it's real. my precious anxious boy has been handled so well. and watching zac's growth as a performer has been such a blast.

thanks for the ask! :D

[secriden]

so ok i've got Things to talk about Star In My Mind again because interview lady raised two things that were #relatable:

lol yeah this is exactly how i felt about this show. like it just DOES NOT TAKE A BREAK at any point. just when you think you have a handle on the love triangle, it evolves into a square and you're like !?!? where?? did YOU come from?? (but then i re-watched it and they actually do set it up in an earlier episode, its just incredibly subtle)

and every time one misunderstanding gets resolved another two crop up like some kind of messed up misunderstanding hydra. i can't decide if i hated it or loved that it made the side characters actually have purpose. it filled out the space around the main couple's journey in a way that felt unnecessary but also stopped me from asking why this or that character was even in the show (except for Obnoxiously Self Confident Guy - I could've done without him).

all that to say, i think this is at least partly why i found SIMM so entertaining. you just... don't have a lull in the series. there's no feeling of like "wait, why did that happen??" everything makes sense its just incredibly frustrating.

THIS! FUCKING THIS!!!!! its actually impressive how verbally honest all the characters are, but its just never with the person they need to be honest with. and i don't mean just kluen and dao (although ofc they're the worse culprits) but typhoon and gia and the assortment of friends do it too. everyone is simultaneously so incredibly aware of themselves and their relationships with others and communicative about it, but in just...always in the wrong room.

which... is actually not a complaint on my part because i think that's incredibly true to life these days? most people actually are incredibly self-aware and moreover can articulate it very well. if anything, i find myself TOO self-aware to the point that it can be crippling.

and kluen is a great example of this. he knows he sucks at expressing his feelings and the very awareness of his inadequacy causes him to second guess himself repeatedly. even with multiple confirmations that dao still has feelings for him, he keeps being dragged back into self-doubt and inaction because of this awareness/self-perception.

as frustrated as i felt with kluen, i actually recognise myself in him. those times when i allow my anxiety and fear of failure to lead to procrastination which then spirals into more anxiety and fear.

i just didn't expect "generic thai bl college series" to give that to me, and that's (one reason) why i liked this show so much.

[stillsolo]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN. respond to the prompts out of character !

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? oh, where do i even begin?  well, i suppose i should start with how long sw has been in my life.  ANH was the first movie my mother ever saw when she visited the USA; she saw it with my grandmother ( and subsequently developed a massive crush on harrison, so indiana jones became a huge part of my childhood too lol ).  for this reason, my mother introduced my brother and I to sw when we were actual babies.  then, when the prequels came out, it’s all me and my brother consumed.  from the movies themselves to the original clone wars cartoon to the PS2 games to the novels/book series.  we watched it on a tiny portable player for every trip, and every time my relatives needed us to go away to let the adults talk lol.  it also helped our comprehension of english so much. i can’t recall a time in which sw hasn’t been present in my life! before i joined the tumblr swrpc, i kept to myself in the prequels community, wrote fanfic, and rped anakin on skype.  he’s always been a character that hit a little too close to home in one too many ways.  the main parallel i have with him (that doesn’t relate to his mental issues haha) is his love/devotion/attachment to his mother.  it’s difficult for me to explain without getting into the aspects of my culture (孝順 / filial piety), but in short, i am cantonese; if my mother asked me for my thumb tomorrow, i would give her my arm today.  anakin’s love for his mother, his determination to free her from slavery at an early age, was very touching.  EPII has been memed to oblivion, yes, but the pain i feel when anakin doesn’t get to hear his mother tell him she loves him one last time before she dies, and knowing that it haunts him for the rest of his life (eu), makes me want to throw myself out a window lmao  i have an extremely close relationship with my parents; this sort of pain is absolutely gutting for someone like me. anyway, when i joined the tumblr swrpc, writing han solo was never the plan.  i originally wanted to write luke but ended up changing my mind at the last second.  I’d written well over a dozen fics with han at that point, but was nowhere near confident, so i thought of it as more of an experiment. guess that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because if you really think about it, since the day i started writing him in fics, he hasn’t stopped butting into my brain.  in fact, he’s been harassing me ever since—to the point that i even switched from writing luke to him… lol given my upbringing and my mother’s love for him, han has always been my childhood hero, as well as my brother’s.  our dad was our han solo.  the nostalgic and familial associations run so deep, it’s difficult to articulate.  we share many traits, right down to his universally agreed-upon zodiac sign (sagittarius); i know han solo like the back of my hand—and it’s probably because i wanted to be just like him when i grew up.

is there anything you don’t like to write? character death.  if i have to say another, it’s when people conflate harrison with the character he plays and then decides to address that in a thread.  harrison was a ladies man back in the 80s, and that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean the same for han.  i hate seeing the conflation between the two.  not sure if this happens as often anymore, but there was a time when fics/threads/even han rpers would lean into it, by default, thus totally destroying his character in my eyes.  i mean, write it as a storyline, that’s cool and fine, but infidelity has never been inherently part of his character.  i will die on this fucking hill.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? most unpopular opinion ever: action sequences.  critical situations, fast paced action, thriller scenes featuring immediate, life-threatening circumstances.  i love writing that which exhibits a sense of urgency and tension, with sprinklings of emotional depth and contemplative introspective moments.  scenes with internal conflict combined with aforementioned external events.  even evading enemy forces, sustaining minor/major injuries, dressing wounds.  dunno why those are always the most fun to me.  aside from that?  romance/romantic angst.  i’ve had many writing partners over the years, and each one thought they could outdo me in writing romantic angst.  sometimes, the psychosomatic pain of heartbreak isn’t far from feeling like you’ve lost a limb in battle.

how do you come up with headcanons? by being the most annoying, meticulous person ever.  i’m extremely detail oriented; when i see incongruities in my own work, i perish.  so, when i come up with headcanons, i have to consider all factors that may affect the outcome of whatever question i’ve posed in my mind and feel the need to justify my choices, for whatever reason, by tying it back to XYZ.  my headcanons must align with my muse’s personality, their environment from childhood to adulthood, their current circumstances, and if it’s an AU, how it mirrors canon events.  canon/eu is everything imo, because they are their own choices; it’s what shaped them into the character we know them as.  ofc, this is my process and opinion, so make of that what you will.

do you write in silence or do you play music? no music, no tv.  sometimes people talking is too much for me.  i have adhd and my medication only helps so much.  i will absolutely start writing down the conversation or lyrics playing in the background lol

do you plan your replies or wing them? plotting vs planning replies is different to me.  plotting gives me a foundation, but it can’t be too confining.  to plan a reply is to block out each moment.  if you trap me, i will always deviate; so i wing everything, even when i have a foundation.

do you enjoy shipping? yes, absolutely!  i’m not sure why people tend to assume otherwise, but i’m more open to it than people think.  i’ve never cared about who you write, if they’re in the sw franchise, or even what era of sw etc etc  never given a shit about what people think; if our muses click, they click.  honestly, some of the best ships i’ve had with han, as in the most enjoyable and enlightening of his character, have been ‘crack ships’.

what’s your alias/name? vin, vince, vincent.  vincent van hoe.  trash bin vin.

age? 27!

birthday? dec 2!

favorite color? silver.  if that’s not a color to you, then blue.

favorite song? you can’t expect me to… well, ‘in your eyes’ by the weeknd has been up there for a long time.

last movie you watched? star wars: the clone wars (2008)

last show you watched? … the clone wars lol

last song you listened to? billie jean - MJ.

favorite food? my mother’s 番茄炒蛋 ( egg and tomato stir fry ), unagi, freshly baked breads, fresh fruit …

favorite season? i get mostly tropical weather, but i love a cold winter.

do you have a tumblr best friend? unfortunately, so many people have left the site over the years, but i'm grateful to call these people some of the closest friends i have in the rpc: @techniiciian @desiccation @vibraea @rcvanchist @sgterso @voxcrystallis

tagged : @debelltio thank you for thinking of me!! tagging : if you're still reading this, i tag you!

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

OK so trying to articulate pt. 2 what's been sitting with me re: You're Losing Me especially in light of the track list dropping:

When You're Losing Me came out, I got the feeling that "I wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her," came from a place not of desperation/resignation, but spite, at least the portion I bolded. In that, to me it sounded like the words once lobbed at her being spat back at the person who first uttered them -- even if only in her mind. There's an anger an intensity when she sings that part (in contrast to the "see her" part), especially as it comes to the peak of the bridge.

With the information that's slowly trickling out, from the way puzzle pieces are starting to fit together with the background, the references to works of art like The Little Mermaid, Clara Bow, even perhaps Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, etc., I'm feeling more and more confident that that's likely the case. If we're taking into consideration context clues from these like the idea of having to give up what makes you sing (metaphorically and literally) to attain the life you think you want, to keep the love you think you've earned, to let bitterness fester and eat the relationship from within, there's an undercurrent of resentment in those lines about the things that make one person soar and the other recoil.

If I were to make an educated guess about these circumstances, I would think the line isn't about marriage writ large, it's about someone who is fuelled by desires -- in this case, to live out in the open, to embrace her world, to drop the shroud from her shoulders ---- and having those desires shunned by a partner who sees that external validation as debasing. A mirrorball to the whims of the public, as it were. But she is saying, this is who I am and this is what I want, and want you to love me not in spite of these but because of these. It's like she's saying, I wouldn't marry the version of me you think I am (that you disdain). She's trying to say, all these things you don't like about me and my life are what make me me.

In other words, it sounds like the realization that the person who is supposed to be your greatest champion thinks of you completely differently (and unkindly) from the person you are. And perhaps the crux of it is, what am I willing to give up to be the version of me this person wants? How many inches must I give before the miles they take become a runway?

In retrospect, the "Me" she wants him to choose at the end of the song may not just be an imploring to make a commitment full stop, but choosing the person she is vs. the person he thinks he wants, because she's sick of twisting herself into knots trying to cater to him when the goalposts keep moving. Their love comes at a cost to both, and it's one that may erase everything she holds dear.

We're in for a wild ride in April.

[sassyandclassy94]

10 Questions for 10 Writers

Thank you SO much for the tag, @coneygoil !! You have no idea how much I love being included in these things🫶🏻

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

Sadly, it’s just a hobby. My life’s kinda too busy to make it a lifestyle

2. A journal full of notes, or a clean completed manuscript?

A clean completed manuscript, thank you very much. Which is pretty ironic, given I’m a pretty chaotic woman.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

SwanFire and ThePhoenixFeatherQuill. I went through a Once Upon a Time phase became a huge SwanFire shipper after my first rewatch and one night while I was lying in bed, I looked up SwanFire fanfics. The Phoenix’s masterlist was like, the first or second search result? So I clicked on it when lo and behold! The Spinner’s Son captured my interest. I clicked on it and fell in love. I looked for other medieval AUs but couldn’t find any so naturally, after seeing posts about writing what you went to read, I decided to try my own hand at writing one.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Well… I’m not a singer (I sing WITH people sometimes) so, definitely having someone I look up to read my first draft. I remember when Red (an awesome writer who I also look up to and tumblr friend - check out his Into the Woods, it’s amazing!!) told me he checked out Secrets, Lies and Blessings after we met and started interacting during covid. I was mortified and wanted to crawl into a hole.

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

Um, maybe….? I delved into OC stuff this year and wrote a fic about Gale Cleven. Two people with totally different personalities and characterization than Baelfire and Emma so, I guess yes? Maybe it didn’t change my perspective but it’s helped me grow as a writer maybe? I don’t know, maybe I don’t understand this question…?

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3 and FFN by far!! They’re my favorites and go-tos. I started out on those babies! I think FFN is slowly dying though😔

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

105,744 - No, I wish it was higher. If it was it’d mean I’m more prolific.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

Once Upon a Time started my writing hobby. I needed Neal to be happy and I was gonna write that, darn it! But with running out of ideas, writing SwanFire for 6 years straight, and going through a kind of heartbreak, I got really burnt out and kinda stopped for a while. It was The Boys in the Boat and Masters of the Air that inspired me to start writing again❤️ Don and Gale, man! They have a hold on me!!

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

That my writing is better than I give it credit for. And yes, Red told me that four years ago. He said it more articulate than that though (former English teacher and all, lol!) and him saying that made me feel a little more confident in my writing. I’ve gotten some pretty nice compliments about keeping my characters’ personalities true to canon and that’s pretty high praise too because I go real out of my way to do that.

10. What defines your writing style?

I… don’t even know? Even though most of my stories are romance, there’s also a heavy emphasis on friendship because a good old fashioned friendship is important to me (e.g. Emma and Eleanor). Theyre also very emotional. Whether it’s someone falling in love, preparing for parenthood, or suffering from PTSD, I want my readers to feel what he/she is going through and to be able to relate to them on a personal and intimate level.

Tags: Not me racking my brain to think of all the writers who follow and/or engage with me, and/or are in my notes🤕 @phoenixwrites @ljf613 @solo-pitstop-vibes @okieedokes @swanfireprincessmydear @fictional-at-heart @redbone135 @heatherfield @strangethings-everywhere @plasmabluefire @themeepyfreak And whatever other writer sees this and wants to participate, please consider yourself tagged! You can even say I tagged you. I want you all, especially new writers, to be included🫶🏻 No cliques in SassyAndClassy’s house!!! Oh my gosh is that ten??? DID I DO IT???? We won’t talk about how long that took me to come up with all of you🥴 I hope none of you will be annoyed that I tagged you🫣

[ultimateissuessimp]

Teach me

One shot

Word count: 900

Warnings: None

Notes: I used Slovak as Sokovian, because I've read somewhere that Sokovian was a mix of Slovak and something else. I also used google translate, sooo. Yeah.

He knew that Zemo was Sokovian, he wasn't stupid, but hearing him speak his native language always put him in awe. It sounded so beautiful, like a comforting melody his mother used to quietly sing to him so he could fall asleep. So when he heard the baron conversing with Oeznik in Sokovian, he couldn't help but listen in and marvel at how smoothly the words flew out of his lips. When they stopped, Y/N approached Zemo with the intent of asking the man to teach him some Sokovian.

-It might sound like a strange request, but could you teach me some Sokovian? Your language fascinates me and I'd love to learn it - he said, his heart skipping a beat at the look the baron gave him at his question. His palms grew slightly sweaty as nerves started to appear. Did he overstep? Was it invasive to ask a man who lost his country and everyone he cared about to teach him his native language?

-Why? - such a simple question left Zemo's mouth, yet it only made more questions swirl inside Y/N's head.

-I just… I wanted to give you more opportunity to speak it, I know you have Oeznik who you can talk in Sokovian with, but the thought of having more people to speak to in your native language sounds… Nice, in my opinion it wouldn't feel as lonely, as… Alienated, I guess - he explained his thought process, articulating what he meant with his hands and awaited with bated breath Zemo's response. At that moment something in Helmut moved, his heart picking up pace.

The man he grew so fond of in such a short amount of time wanted to give him some normalcy. It felt too good to be truth, he wanted to believe that there was some ulterior motive, his mind screaming at him that there was no way Y/N wanted just that. There had to be something hidden underneath those words. Yet his heart begged him to have some trust in the man and it was what made him nod his head, agreeing to Y/N's proposal.

A large smile appeared on the man's face when he got an approval from the baron. Zemo took them to a different room, an office to be more specific, telling him to sit down as he himself sat on the opposite side of the desk. He gave him a piece of paper and a pen so he could note everything he was about to learn. A good half an hour passed and Y/N already learned some words in Sokovian, how to create a sentence and one sentence on it's own, but he didn't know the meaning of it quite yet since Zemo kept it to himself, almost like a secret.

-Say it once more, slowly - Zemo instructed the man seating in front of him, gesturing towards the seemingly easily spelled two words on the paper.

-Zbož-… Zbožňujem ťa. Was that good? Did I say it right? - Y/N asked, unsure about his pronounciation, not wanting to make a fool out of himself by being overly confident and failing at saying something.

-Again - the baron told him, as if he didn't hear the rest of what Y/N had said except those two words, looking right at the man's lips.

-Zbožňujem ťa - Y/N repeated himself, eyes holding a bit of confusion as he stared at Zemo, waiting for what to do next.

-Again… - Helmut said once more, seemingly in a trance as he not even for a second took his eyes away from the movement of Y/N's lips.

-I-… Okay… Zbožňujem ťa - Y/N said for what felt like a hundredth time, but he didn't really seem to mind.

-Just… One more time, please - he requested for Y/N to repeat his words. He couldn't get enough of how pretty those two words sounded out of the man, their meaning making his head spin and his heart increase in speed.

-Zbožňujem ťa - the E/C man said again, staring at Zemo as if he was a painting hang in an art gallery. Yet the moment he stopped speaking, Zemo quickly leaned over the desk, cupping his face into his hands and pressing his lips against Y/N's in a gentle kiss. Y/N let out a soft sound of surprise and contentment into Zemo's mouth before closing his eyes and letting himself get lost in the motion of their lips. When they separated, he couldn't help but smile and look into the baron's eyes.

-Aj ja ťa zbožňujem - Zemo replied, a soft look taking over his features as he looked back at Y/N, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs and pressing his forehead to the man's.

-Okay, but what does that mean? - Y/N asked, still confused as to what potentially could the words mean to put Helmut in such a state and spring him up to action. He only got a chuckle in response and he immediately set his goal to hear that sweet sound more often. - Oh come on, what do they mean! Zemo, tell meee! - he whined comedicaly when he saw the man move away and stand up to leave the office, a way of teasing Y/N with an answer which made the man himself spring up and chase after him, demanding an answer while they both giggled like idiots.

[jinxhallows]

I searched it but couldn't find anything about it, but why are you only including 5 member for kinktober?

ayee thanks for stopping by to ask! nobody has ever asked so I never explained 😂 so I got into writing in this fandom like about a year and a half ago and had no idea what I was doing and kinda just spat some shit out (that I now absolutely hate lmfao 100 follower special, anyone? That fluff was garbage IMO)

I don’t write Felix often/at all because I can’t quite understand his personality enough to feel I can articulate him authentically in writing yet. Also he’s kind of juvenile in a way that reminds me of a younger sibling, making it tough to slut him out. I’m always so impressed by smut Felix writers. They capture him well! I know something freaky is lying under that golden exterior. But I’m working on it! I write about him in my other two full length fics but unfortunately, I don’t think my portrayal of him is very accurate at all. But I keep going because well, it’s already started lol.

I don’t write Seungmin yet because I’m still learning about him and his likes/dislikes and mannerisms and personality. He’s the one I know the least about. All I know is that folx call him a puppy. I don’t think I’ve heard him speak as much as I have in the recent chuseok specials. I know he’s a little terror though, lol, unsure of the origins of it though.

I don’t write IN for the same reasons as above, but lately, he’s been portrayed in a way that’s making me consider roping him in the future into something fun. Someone who met him in person said he seemed the most masculine and adult out of all the members! Surprise surprise! The baby bread shit was off putting. I was like, I’m not slutting out someone with the nickname “baby bread”; but my mind is changing, and fast lol.

-

Why do I write the fellas I write? Aka my “starting team”?

I’m most comfortable writing Chan, he’s closest to me in age and I watch him enough to know his mannerisms and personality. Down to little things like his obsession with space, the way he laughs through his teeth, and his lopsided smile when he’s being a dork. Chan doesn’t like coffee, so in one of my imagines, I made it a point to state the reader was making coffee for herself. If I read someone who has Chan drinking coffee I’d assume they either took creative liberty or have no idea that this man does not fuck with coffee lol. Fun fact: add “yeah?” To the end of a question/statement and it immediately rings Chan’s voice in your mind, doesn’t it? “Guess you’ve got a lot to think about then, yeah?” “How about we head on out to the bar, yeah?”Those details really can make/break someone’s immersion!

Next comes Hyunjin. Hyunjin was difficult for me to write at first, his personality is so multi faceted and not much like his stage persona at all, which is quite powerful! But the algorithm started forcing him onto me in candid situations and I began to understand his nuances too. I grasped an understanding of his micro expressions and mannerisms enough to feel confident writing him.

Third is Lino! I swore against writing Lino because he was such a mystery to me! I later found a video of him being weird and his quirky personality and deadpan affect when saying certain things. He reminds me of some of my closest friends. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t give Lino enough depth! I’m an experienced Scorpio wrangler, and I know he’s got some intense depths to that ocean that can be portrayed so much better. Working on it!

Fourth favorite is Jisung. I use Jisung for light hearted things and comic relief. I almost never write angst Jisung. I probably could, and probably will one day! But for now, I’ve only candidly seen him happy and funny, it’s sometimes hard to even write him in smut because I can’t see him taking much of anything seriously. I know he has bad anxiety and other various mental health concerns, so he’s not all rainbows and butterflies but he doesn’t seem to let folx in on that side of him often, if at all, so it’s difficult to imagine for me right now, so for him, I keep it light.

Fifth newest favorite is Changbin. Changbin is still a little confusing to me but I can at least pinpoint his manner of speech, he can be quite aggressive quite suddenly, in a playful manner. I’m still not too great on describing his mannerisms in literature, but I’ve grown comfortable enough to experiment with him for Kinktober.

-

So you see, my cool beautiful anon, it’s just a matter of time until I work my way down to the rest of the members :) at first, I swore I’d only write Chan, and then it exploded into five. I’m certain by next year’s kinktober, all eight members will be rightfully represented :)

[lover-of-mine]

So. first off - I your colour theory posts are amazing, they are the first thing I ever saw of yours and I immediately fell in love.

Secondly, I just saw your recent response re: your thoughts about 7x04 & 7x05 and am wondering if maybe things will make more sense, or at least be easier to articulate, once 7x06 is out.

Hi, first, thank you, I'm so glad you enjoy them 🩷

But, yeah, probably. Because the more data points on something the easier it will be to figure out what they mean. It was easy for me to figure out how to articulate all I wanted with my blue and green posts because the blue and green is being used since season 2, so there's a lot resolved for me to look at to figure out patterns. But this season, we are using new rules. Like, for instance, Buck being canonically bi, makes Eddie a love interest officially, so they have different rules being applied to them now. I think the show might be creating a whole new category of stuff there because we never had a proper triangle before. I have some theories, but I don't have anything to back me up on them fully yet, because this development is in the middle, so trying to write something now kinda feels like I'm trying to write a summary on a book I didn't finish reading. Everything about the season so far is telling me that Buck and Eddie are gonna get together but they need to figure out they are queer first. Or at least tell the audience that. Like, they have enough space to say that Eddie already knows he has feelings for Buck in some degree, in all degrees actually, they can argue Eddie from fully in denial to aware of something he needs to deny to fully in acceptance that he thinks Buck can't love him back, but they would still need to figure out a way to tell the audience that outside of Buck (as in not in a scene with Buck) so that the "Eddie turned gay for Buck" argument can't be used. Because I can't turn off the writer side of my brain trying to guess where this is going narratively while doing analysis like that, and I think, for instance the blue and yellow is telling me something on that, but since I don't think the show has used this combo like this before (and I hadn't had the time to fact check my current theory) I don't have a resolved plotline to use, so I'm kinda speculating on a lot more than just the pattern since this season is in the middle and we don't have the story they are trying to tell yet and I don't love going down that line alone. Like, it was fun writing about the sun within the construction on sunset theory, but I think the actual yellow/gold the keep putting around Eddie and behind Buck is being used for something more than that but I don't know how to explain why I think that.

There's also the way they are handling the blue and green thing this season, I can't tell if they proved me right and they have been completing the blue and green thing with other elements of the scene, since we had Henren in blue and green with both of them using both blue and green down to their shoes or the patterns of their clothes this last episode, we had bathena completing it with pants, we had Buck with a green coat and Eddie surrounded by blue things, even the date between Buck and Tommy, Buck usually is in solid colors, but his shirt was patterned where Tommy's was solid, or if they decided to expand this season and the shit I pointed out before are coincidences. The season being in the middle means it can turn in any direction, so I'm kinda unsure of what to say because right now I feel like I'm completely off base and that makes me not feel confident enough in what I'm saying when I try to write on 704 and 705, and if I'm not confident of what I'm saying, then how I'm supposed to convince y'all of anything? Does that make sense? Like I have more thoughts on 704 after watching 705, the same way both gave me thoughts on 701, but they still sound like gibberish to me so I know they will sound like gibberish to you, so I'm waiting and letting the thoughts simmer.

[brainddeadd]

The café was a sanctuary of warmth and intimacy, its dim lights casting a soft glow over the rustic wooden tables. The air was filled with the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee, mingling with the sound of soft chatter and laughter. Joseph Woll sat across from you, his usually confident demeanor softened by an air of vulnerability that hung between you like a delicate thread.

He stirred his coffee absentmindedly, his gaze fixed on the swirling liquid, as if searching for the right words. You watched him, noting the way his brow furrowed slightly, an endearing expression that revealed his inner conflict.

“There are parts of me I’d never thought I’d show to anyone else,” he began, his voice low and sincere. “But then… you came along.” He looked up, his blue eyes meeting yours with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. “For some reason, you made me want to be honest with you; bare my soul to you.”

Your breath caught in your throat. “What do you mean, Joe?” The concern in your voice was genuine; you wanted to understand the depth of his feelings, the shadows he carried.

He sighed, a mixture of relief and anxiety evident in his posture. “I’ve always been the guy who keeps things to himself. My life, my struggles… I never thought I’d let anyone in. But with you…” His voice trailed off, and you could see the conflict playing across his features. “It feels different. I can finally breathe.”

You leaned in closer, your heart swelling with warmth at his honesty. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

A faint smile crept onto his lips, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I know… but it’s scary. I struggle with the expectations placed on me, and I’ve dealt with failure in ways I don’t even know how to articulate. I’ve felt so alone, even in a crowded room.” He paused, a vulnerability in his tone that made your chest tighten. “But with you, I feel like I can share those parts of myself. It’s terrifying, but I think I’m ready to try.”

Your heart raced at his words, an overwhelming sense of affection flooding through you. “Joe, I want you to feel safe with me. You don’t have to hide any part of yourself.”

His expression softened, and he reached across the table, his fingers brushing against yours. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver down your spine. “Thank you. Just knowing you’re here makes me want to be better. To be more open.”

You squeezed his hand, grounding him in the moment. “I’ll be right here with you.”

A genuine smile broke through the shadows on his face, a flicker of hope illuminating his features. “Then I guess we’ll figure this out together.”

In that moment, as the world outside faded away, you both realized that the journey ahead would be uncertain, but the path was brighter with each other by your side.

[veryaren]

SCUTTLER TAKE TWO. this likely will not be articulated in any way shape or form so i apolgoize for that erm... anyways. i think. premanor luchino ships are so interesting to me because like. in his canon lore he doesnt.... really have repercussions for disappearing. he doesnt seem to be close to anyone, so no one will actually personally worry beyond just "hey this professor disappeared" but when you add someone else to the mix?? someone who was close to and even loved him??? then there ARE consequences, theres someone who will worry about where hes gone. but, as you said in aforementioned post, its not like theres any other options, this is his only choice. but i just. augh. its so interestign to me thinking of the differences of how he must feel in canon towards leaving vs in premanor ships. knowing hes leaving someone behind without further word but also still knowing its his best option, and never second guessing his choice after hes made it. sighhh luchino i need to dissect your brain for studying

idk if any of this got the point i intended across but. whatevs

AHHH YES. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE ASPECTS OF LUCHI. I hope idv expands more on what exactly happened to him during som of the undisclosed times of his life for his upcoming character day(like.for example. If the 5 year gap between professor and reptilian is true. I wanna know wtf he was doing.???) LIKE. WAS HE JUST DICKING AROUND IN ORPHEUS' HUMAN(ish) MENAGERIE OR WHAT. Also yes to me. In my heart. And in canon portrayals luchino is a very decisive person. very rarely does he question q majority of his own choices because he approaches them with so much consideration that he doesn't feel any of his reasoning his inadequate. I love him. a also. YES. That is what ALSO makes premanot ships with him so tragic and awesome!!!!!!! The way his brain operates. And his inability to really. Put himself in the shoes of other people. He's very logistical and tends to assume that's the norm. (I.e. not exactly understanding the concept of being/having a "fan". how can you say you confidently enjoy someone if you don't know them personally!) SO FOR. nyone who can actually tolerate . OR EVEN FIND FRIENDSHIP/LOVEI IN THIS WEIRDO. tough luck. he is a bumpy road. have fun grappling with the loss of your blunt antisocial recluse freak professor when he drops off the face of the earth and leaves some gross stuff (scales, blood; miscellaneous body matter) behind. blah I love luchino so much. But I really need to sleep

*sneezes entire lobster+various other*

[buttered-water]

Wings of Fire: Destinies Shattered. Chapter 2: Crush

Sunrise walked around, trying to find the library. Thoughts swirled around in her head; how could she replace me with someone like that?, we’re so similar, so what does she have that I don't!?. No, surely there must be a reason for Thorn’s decision. Having pushed those thoughts for future Sunrise to deal with, she realised that she had been looking around for 10 minutes with no progress in finding the library. She decided to ask someone for directions, the problem was that everyone she saw was busy. Eventually, she spotted a large, brown, Mudwing in the distance who didn't seem to have anything going on. He must have been around 9 years old, so he was probably a teacher, with dark brown scales and lifeless eyes. 

“Excuse me Mudwing, may I please have directions towards the library” Sunrise spoke in a confident voice.

The Mudwing looked at her with annoyance “it's literally right there” The Mudwing pointed to the right of us, I guess he was being literal when he said the library was right in front of us. “Thank you,” Sunrise said to the Mudwing as she ran toward the library. “Yeah, sure” the Mudwing exclaimed in a dismissive tone.

The library was massive, with the afternoon sunlight pouring into the room adding to the cosy feeling this place gave Sunrise, tables were aligned in rows, shelves filled with scrolls went up to the ceiling, with plenty of good spots to read. In the front of the room, behind a desk, she spots the Nightwing. As she walks up, she gets a closer look at him. He was gorgeous, his black scales shimmered in the sun, and his scars and white bandana added a sense of mystery to him. “Hello there. are you looking for something?” AND HIS VOICE! His soft, soothing voice. A voice that could talk for hours and still have your attention.

“Oh u-um, I w-was w-w-wondering if yo-you needed help” Sunrise studdered, barely able to articulate her words.

“No thanks, I think I'm alright for now” Starflight placed a scroll on a shelf “And besides, you should probably head to class” Starflight exclaimed as he sorted scrolls. She had completely forgotten that she was supposed to get her schedule from Sunny. “Um, well… you don’t h-happen to have schedules? That Sandwing didn’t give me mine” Sunrise stuttered

Starflight chuckled “That sounds like Sunny. Sorry about that, she tends to forget things when she’s excited”. He stands up and walks over to a seperate set of scrolls and starts sifting through them. “What’s your name?”

“S-Sunrise” She studdered “But you can call me Beetle~” Sunrise quickly added on

Starflight sifted through various scrolls before pulling one out and handing it to her “Here you go. Make sure not to lose it cause I don't have another” he said jokingly

“Th-Thank you” Sunrise said as she grabbed the scroll and quickly ran out of the library.

(Pacing is very fast and I'm sorry about that. I am open to criticism. I'm still very new to writing)

[neonthewrite]

Another prompt snippet from the challenge! This time we have the makings of a sizeshifter story. I don't write a lot of those.

~~~

“I’m a lousy liar,” he told me the first time I met him. He had a habit, I would soon find out, of speaking in riddles. At the end of that same encounter he also told me that he enjoyed this little visit. It was such a strange way to describe a somewhat random meeting in the park, but I chalked it up to the very Midwestern vibe he gave off. From his clothes to the slower, yet articulate way he talked, he had “flyover state” written all over him. He’d been nice to talk to, if a bit evasive when certain topics came up. I guess I can’t really say that was one of the odd things about him. A lot of people are a bit guarded about their past, for a lot of different reasons. I’m not one to judge.

But a lot of it makes more sense now.

I lean back against my car, but I can’t even make myself try to open it up. Not that it would help me much. I dropped my keys in the grass when I flinched back and spilled most of the contents of my purse everywhere. I can only stare up in shock, all too aware of the fact that my front door is also effectively not an option, as it’s too far away. I can’t get to it in time, not even if the grass weren’t slick with morning dew.

“H-hey, Cal,” I say, though I almost can’t hear myself over my pounding heart.

Cal kneels on my front lawn, one arm draped casually over his knee, and smirks a bit at me. It’s intimidating, all right. Even kneeling, he’s bigger than my tidy little house. That one hand draped casually overhead could scoop up my car like a remote control toy.

He doesn’t look mean, exactly, but his confidence combined with his unexpected size really make me feel like a mouse.

“Hiya, Bree,” he greets back, his voice like a whisper to his scale but so, so loud to my ears. “I really enjoyed our chat the other day, so I hope you don’t mind if we continue it? You had so many questions about me that I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer, but now I think I’m ready.”

[vashtijoy]

Hi! I really enjoy reading your analyses and thoughts, they're always so articulate and well thought out. Making me go "woah... woah!!" every time I read them haha <3 I'm curious if you have any headcanons on Joker or any interpretations of him that you particularly like ^^ Hope you have a good day!

Thank you, anon! Sorry to say I'm very much a one-trick pony, and I leave all the interesting Joker pondering to my QPP and partner-in-crime Libby/@nardaviel, who writes the Ren to my Goro. I love Joker very, very dearly, he just doesn't make me sit up in the middle of the night going OH FUCK THAT'S WHY—

That said, I mentioned this to Libby and she has kindly written an incredible guest essay, just for you. Enjoy.

...

Thanks for coming to my guest lecture! Today I'll be talking about Joker since it seems Vashti just defers to me for his characterization, which is news to me as much as it is to you, since she writes him so well.

Before we venture into territory that's more headcanony, here's the stuff that's more grounded in canon:

His parents are financially stable and support his physical needs, but are emotionally neglectful. Like. Joker is tall, he's healthy, they send him belongings when he goes to Tokyo. But then again, they send him to their friend's barista in another city and never call to check up on him. I've read a lovely fic where the lack of communication was because of a misunderstanding: A Year to Fill an Empty Home by Turandot. But it says a lot that the author had to really work hard to make it possible, I think. (Please be aware that Vashti hasn't read that fic, if that matters to you! It's my rec.)

He doesn't live in the ass-end of nowhere before canon. You can see tall buildings in the background of the Shido flashback, and also, why would Shido be in the ass-end of nowhere? Vashti and I decided he lives in Mito, the prefectural capital of Ibaraki, but that was partly just so we had a specific place for him to be for our RP. It fits, though, I think. Some taller buildings but not all that built up, and Shido would have more reason to visit a prefectural capital in Kanto than another random city of the same size, especially one further from Tokyo.

He had friends and a social life before his conviction. I'm not saying he was a social butterfly, but he seems so shocked and withdrawn in the animated cutscene at the start of the game, and it seems to me that if he was used to being a pariah his reaction wouldn't be so extreme. I also think he dated a couple of times pre-conviction, though it never got serious, and has had his first kiss before he gets to Tokyo, but that really does start to stray into pure headcanon territory.

He's real smart and can pick anything up incredibly quickly. I don't even know if this counts as a headcanon, actually. Look at how good he gets at whatever he chooses to get good at. Coffee. Curry. Billiards. School. Fighting. Making infiltration tools. Flower arranging. Shogi. My guy just has a big wrinkly brain.

He likes being whatever his confidants need. It doesn't feel like a burden to him, it feels rewarding. He needs to be needed, and also, the more they talk about themselves, the more they ask for his help, the more he gives them whatever facet of himself they vibe with, the less he has to reveal of his entire true self, which he has a horror of. I feel like that comes from his upbringing, that sense that people want him to be helpful, they don't want him to be him. It would suit his parents' vibe, and it's deeply embedded in Joker's psyche. It's really not healthy in the long run and it'll wear him out, but I think he chooses it. A lot of the time I see this conception of the PTs as taking and taking and never giving back. And there's some element of truth in that, I guess, but then when you max out their confidants, they all tell Joker they want to be there for him in return. And he just never takes them up on it at all. He doesn't want to.

However! I think Goro brings out something a lot closer to Joker's true self. Goro doesn't ask him for anything, Goro just challenges him, and Joker thrives when challenged--but Goro also requires kindness, especially around the midpoint of the confidant and at the end, and Joker bleeds kindness from every pore. Joker is kind and a daredevil and twisty and kind of a little shit, and Goro brings all that out. He's where Joker can be himself, even though Joker also has to navigate all the Metaverse shit while they're hanging out.

Joker doesn't feel like a fully realized person exists under all the fronts he puts on. The lyrics to Beneath the Mask put this idea in my head, and it fits, you know? If you play a part for long enough, you start to believe the act is all you are. He hasn't sat down and rationally come to this conclusion or anything, it's just a feeling he has on a really deep level. Being a wild card, switching personas back and forth and fusing them together, doesn't help.

The only way to really corrupt Joker is by playing on his fear for his friends, and even that's tough. The Yaldabaoth and Maruki bad ends are both like that, Joker caving and letting a shitty new world form because he can't bear to lose his friends. But in both endings, his friends aren't just threatened, they're already gone. Joker's watched the PTs die, he's heard Goro die. He has to be able to handle some level of threat to them, or he would be an awful leader; it's just when the worst has already happened that the game option appears for him to be unable to handle it. For an idea of what a Joker unable to handle leading the PTs into danger would look like, here's a stunning Strikers fic: Daredevil, You've Hit the Wall by ez_cookie (also solely my rec). I can 100% imagine that he might be like this after P5 canon, but it is after P5 canon. He's not like that during the game.

He is angry as fuck. He doesn't spend every hour of every day seething, but it's always there, ready to light up. He's been angry since his first arrest and it's going to take a whole lot longer than one year for him to get over it, if he ever does. He has nerves of absolute steel and is almost impossible to intimidate, though I suspect the interrogation room might have given him some specific buttons that can be pressed. But if he's not being clapped in handcuffs, like... I think of him glaring at shadow Kamoshida, which is extra disrespectful in a Japanese context, when he and Ryuji are in their dungeon cell about to be killed in a situation too surreal to comprehend. And everyone being understandably freaked out when Yaldabaoth's true form is revealed, and then you see Joker just standing there with his fists clenched.

He has specific principles that he adheres to, at times at the cost of his own safety, but sometimes the principles are not what you might expect a hero's principles to be. Morgana says, "This might kill Kamoshida btw," and Joker's just like, "I guess that's just a risk we have to take." And he lets Ann make her own decision in that regard. Arsene comes with eiha, a curse spell. Joker isn't an antihero at all, don't get me wrong, but he's a hero with a dark aspect.

He's incapable of leaving well enough alone when someone is suffering. Chasing Ann through the metro station, for one thing, and being, if you'll forgive me, very stupidly obvious about solving his confidants' problems in the Metaverse. A bleeding heart. And once he's decided to do something, he's going to do it, and good fucking luck to you if you want to stop him.

But he also enjoys messing around. He teases his friends. He plays little pranks. He bullshits with a totally straight face just to see what happens. He shows off during billiards games. He likes playing video games and reading and other normal hobbies. He's a kid, you know? A remarkable kid, but still just a kid.

In the Metaverse, he's able to be his flashier self, which is not very socially acceptable in reality, especially if you're a delinquent trying very hard not to draw attention to yourself. He has a great time showing off for his friends some more, being ruthless with shadows, and saying some truly wild things when he attacks. I think a big part of it is that he has all that anger and its only real outlet is screaming DIE, DIE, DIE as he rips into shadows. Or, more seriously, summoning all that rage out of his heart and using it to fight back the only way he can.

He comes out of the game extremely disillusioned with law enforcement and the government. One idealistic Diet member confidant isn't nearly enough to counterbalance all of That.

And venturing more into headcanon territory:

Before the conviction, he was just kind of a normal dude. He was restless, because Joker is an adrenaline junkie lol, and he often felt like he was useless. But he was just a kid who hung out with his friends, and studied, and tried to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He'd worked out that he wanted to do something that made a difference, but that was about it. He'd never thought much about police corruption or any of that. He'd heard about it but he never really thought it would touch him...

His lawyer told him around the time of his trial that his eyes made him look like a criminal, which is where the fake glasses come from. When he isn't wearing them, his eyes are so intense, so I hc that his poor, doomed defense lawyer gave him the giant ugly glasses to kind of blunt the effect. And Joker never ever forgot those words. Your eyes make you look like a criminal. So he kept wearing them. Which is why he takes them off at the end of the game! He finally feels free of the weight of other people's judgment.

He was never super-expressive, but after his conviction he realizes that if he shields himself behind a blank face (and big fake glasses), it's almost like the people who are giving him the side-eye and gossiping about him are talking about someone else. Then that skill becomes useful when he has to hide that he's a wanted criminal lol.

He almost feels like he becomes a different person when he's Joker, not in a multiplicity sort of way but just in that the feeling of being ostracized vanishes, and it takes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety with it.

He cries when he tells Goro he'll stop Maruki. Not full-on sobbing but tears on his face. Then he lies in bed that night and tries to turn himself into someone who can march into Maruki's palace and fight with all his heart to destroy him, knowing that he's fighting to kill the guy he loves. He folds himself smaller and smaller and stuffs himself into a little corner of his mind, and the rest of him empties of everything but the necessity of what he has to do. ...which means on 2/3 he's extremely grim and businesslike all day, but he gets the fucking job done. Then he finds himself in solitary confinement with nothing to do but think about all the ways he failed Goro, so that's cool.

No matter what I do, I can't imagine a universe in which Joker doesn't have some kind of postcanon mental health crisis. Between the trauma of the interrogation room, the trauma of everything that happened with Goro, the trauma of dying in Shibuya after all his friends died in front of him, not to mention everything in the Metaverse beforehand, and how he was treated by society for a year, and how between early November and Valentine's Day he jumped from one terrifying disaster to the next worse disaster... and all the guilt he must feel for, essentially, wiping out an entire reality and murdering everyone there that was alive again, or that would have been born... Even if he stayed in Tokyo, he would crumple without the next crisis forcing him to keep it together a little longer. But he doesn't stay in Tokyo. He goes home and exchanges Sojiro for his parents, and all his friends and confidants for only Morgana.

He dissociates sometimes, even after the postcanon mental health crisis has passed. He learns it in the interrogation room, and once you've learned how to do it, you don't forget. Specifically, he feels like he's a few layers removed from everything that's happening.

More cheerfully: Like I said before, he's a little shit. He says obnoxious things and makes bad puns on purpose because it's funny when people get annoyed. He's the kind of guy who would know full well Han shot first, and because of that, look a Star Wars fan in the face and say, with utter seriousness, "Yeah, but we all know Greedo shot first."

He loves Goro for his cleverness and his bright, scintillating determination, and his cynicism, which strikes a chord in Joker after his conviction. And his devotion, as well, which Goro would think he was imagining but Joker can see it. Goro understands him, and he needs Joker's entire self: kind, giving, competitive, cynical, stubborn, sometimes provocative. And that's impossible for Joker to resist.

I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I've forgotten, but I think that's the outline of my picture of Joker. I am a torturer of characters so a lot of this is angst-focused, but I don't think Joker's entire existence is suffering. His friends bring him a lot of happiness, and his work with the Thieves is fulfilling, though maybe less so at the end.