#hes not just trying to go on a suicide mission he genuinely thinks he’ll be able to do it successfully and free los vaqueros

[s0fter-sin]

watching the valeria interrogation again and when alejandro says, “you disgrace the army”, rudy steps forward but when alejandro looks over his shoulder at him and says, “and your brothers, no?” he steps back again, almost like he’s trying to pull himself out of the conversation

alejandro leans in close to her and rudy reacts like he wants to pull him away, to protect him from her and from her words, but when he brings up that valeria hurt him too, betrayed him too, rudy retreats like he doesn't want to be reminded of it

it's alejandro who keeps valeria talking about the past, who prompts her to say more when simply saying she's ex-military would've been enough. they bait each other, valeria far more successfully than alejandro; she’s essentially running the interrogation

this speaks volumes of rudy’s interjection of, “he (the son of la areña) was supposed to go to prison”. he’s getting short; cutting off valeria and her excuses, not to redirect them back to the point of the interrogation but bc he’s done with her. rudy’s terser with her, more obviously angry, than he is with an actual terrorist

alejandro can't get past their history; let's himself get pulled off track and compromised but not be he's more upset than rudy. rudy has just repressed the hell out of it; if he doesn't think about it then it didn't happen

but now, he's suddenly being confronted with it head on

"you disgrace the army," is generalised; valeria didn't just hurt rudy, she hurt all of them. it's easier to take

"and your brothers," calls rudy out directly for his pain; pain alejandro wants retribution for and he doesn't want to face it, doesn't want to admit to it bc he doesn’t want to have to feel it

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Iwa Gai Au // TW Suicide

How did the first meeting after Yamato told gai kakashi tried to commit go? I also think it was mentioned to not be Kakashi’s first attempt.

Under the cut cuz this can be difficult ti read (and tagged appropriately of course)

It was not Kakashi’s first attempt. There had been a few, though it is the first one that almost succeeded. It is also the first time that Kakashi has someone who actually shows genuine concern for him, and it’s not just Yamato

Yamato, Tsunade, Shizune, Asuma, Kurenai, and of course Gai. All of them become concerned when they find out what happened and start checking up on him where they can.

Tsunade has a guard on him at all times (as stated in the fic i believe)

Shizune makes sure to spend time with him every day

Asuma and Kurenai visit when they’re not on missions and always make sure to bring some sushi to try and cheer him up.

And of course there’s Gai. He’s willing to go into the village to see Kakashi, but Yamato manages to convince him out of that idea and he settles for meeting him outside the village. Yamato gets Kakashi clearance to go for a walk with him (Tsunade knows he’ll keep an eye on him)

Gai’s first response to see Kakashi is to fret. To check in on how he’s doing and be a little too cautious around him because he’s terrified of pushing him over the edge with the wrong words.

But Kakashi just takes his hand and pulls him close. A lecture isn’t going to fix anything and Gai isn’t the problem he has. He adores Gai.

He just wishes he could be with Gai and that people wouldn’t look at him with the same hatred they had stared at his father with

[pippin-katz]

Ooooo I’m in the minority for picking “Merlin with Arthur”

Lemme explain my reasoning:

Arthur definitely fell in love with Merlin right before or during 1x04 because duh, did you watch the episode?

But I think Merlin fell in love faster because he was already showing love signs by 1x02. The way he smiles when Arthur says he believes him is precious.

He seems a combination of surprised, impressed, and affectionate; he probably expected Arthur to brush him off but he didn’t. I think it’s the first time Merlin sees the “good person” in him; the prince who has no reason to listen to him or hold his words at any value actually believes him.

Merlin is also already willing to risk exposing himself to save Arthur. He tries his hardest to convince him not to fight, even after Arthur yelled at him, because he believes he’ll die.

Then he spends the entire night learning that spell, literally not sleeping. Once he gets it, he sprints down to the dueling pitch and uses it.

Boy if you don't put your damn hand down. You weren't pointing at the dog when you successfully casted the first time, you had your eyes freaking closed!!

Literally anyone could've seen this shit, and he would've been screwed.

I do think that Arthur started falling in love here too, but was far too busy with his daddy issues to truly fall in love until 1x04. I think these GIFs kinda sum it up pretty well:

Merlin insults a fucking knight right in front of him:

Arthur genuinely fucking laughs despite that pretty much being a crime:

Merlin sees him laugh and smiles, which makes Arthur immediately go back to "prince talking to peasant" mode:

Everything about Arthur's body and facial language in the last GIF screams: "Shit, he caught me laughing at him and he's smiling at me, quick, pretend like you don't care."

And I am serious about him being busy with daddy issues this episode. Uther pretty much called his own son a liar and a coward in front of the royal court. Arthur's definitely hurt and upset by it, because his own father didn't trust him, and actually believed that he would make up an accusation of magic to get out of a duel.

I think they were definitely both in love by The Poisoned Chalice. That whole episode makes so damn sense when you try to ignore all the implications.

Merlin drinks what he knows is poison just to stop Arthur from drinking it. I honestly don't know what his plan was, because he knew he was going to either get sick or literally die from whatever kind of poison was in there. Did expect Gaius to be able to cure him? Or did he straight up not care if he died, just because Arthur lived? Given that he tells Arthur to leave the flower behind when he's in the cave, I'm thinking it was the latter.

Arthur goes on a suicide mission by himself to get the cure. When he finds out from Gaius that the only way to save Merlin is to get the flower, he immediately chooses to do it, but I think what's interesting is the scene after this where he's arguing with Uther about it. He says "Let me take some men", implying that he wasn't going to go alone. Having knights with him pretty much would've guaranteed he would survive, but obviously Uther says no. He decides to go anyway, and by himself.

What was his plan? Go and get the flower or die trying? And he would have died if Merlin hadn't been able to help him with his magic! Despite being that close to dying himself, he still gets the flower before escaping.

This is the kind of dedication to another person that is used in canon couples of every genre. They haven't known each other that long at this point. At the most generous estimate, maybe a month. Episode two takes place the day after the first because it's Merlin's first day as his servant. Between episodes two and four, it's probably been a few weeks. That is not a long time to know someone, and yet these two are legitimately okay with risking their lives for one another.

This post ended up going for way longer than I meant it to. To summarize: Merlin fell first, Arthur fell harder. Thank you for reading!

[dreamkidddream]

Not a request, just because I was bored and putting off all my homework lol. Reader is gender neutral! I also might do this for some other characters too 👀

TW: small mention of suicide (its Dazai) but nothing graphic is mentioned

Jealousy Headcanons with: Dazai and Kunikida

Dazai

Dazai doesn’t get jealous

Or at least that what he tells himself

He could get anyone that he wanted, no problem. I mean, hello??? Have you seen this man???

Not to mention how much of a natural flirt he is himself

So why does he feel himself getting livid with this stranger taking up your time?

Now, Dazai was not an insecure man, by any means. But he couldn’t help but feel his stomach churn when he saw you smiling back at this person. A smile that he wants reserved for him and only him

You guys weren’t together yet, but he will make sure that people know that you are off limits. You may not take his advances as genuine, but his feelings for you are and he can easily prove that to you. You’re his and he’s yours; it wasn’t official per say, but he’s only giving his time and affection towards you

It seemed like he was vying for your attention, but he knew that he could easily turn the whole situation on its head. They may think that they’re in control, but Dazai can show just how wrong they really are

Flustering you in front of the individual would be one of his best (and favorite) methods to use. Seeing how embarrassed and bashful you would get while the other person would just be ignored was a good feeling; and usually that would be the sign that they should go elsewhere

If that didn’t work, trying to leave the scene did: “(Naaaammmme), this is the perfect time to commit double suicide with me! Being the last lovely sight that I lay my eyes on would be more than just a dying wish.” “Belladonna, the stars are beautiful during this time, why don’t we go see for ourselves?” “This place is boring, let’s go somewhere else where we can really have fun, no interruptions.”

While he wasn’t the same man as he was from his past, that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t find ways to solve this little problem. He just won’t be messy. He’s turned over a new leaf, and he rather not get anymore blood on his hands if he doesn’t have to

He just has to get a bit creative with his words and his methods; no violence necessary!

Unless the other person was making you uncomfortable (God forbid hurting you) and not taking the hint that you were his, but let’s just hope that it never comes to that

Dazai didn’t want to lose you period, and he will be damned before he loses you to someone else that he doesn’t even see as a threat. Eventually very soon though, he’ll lose his patience, so don’t keep brushing him off or seem like you’re interested with someone that’s not him. He’ll be forced to take action, so be careful

Don’t worry though, he won’t be hurting anyone! Not controlling either, just...possessive. Very possessive, atleast for a couple of days.

Not that either one of you would be complaining

Kunikida

He’s a busy man, he doesn’t have time to get jealous! Besides, according to his notebook you don’t have-

Who is that? And why are they giving you flowers? And candy? And they’re even giving you a kiss on the cheek?! You never said that you were dating someone! How could someone take you from him!-

Sir that’s not even their boyfriend it’s just an older cousin who came as a surprise visit

Kunikida has fallen for you, and hard, and that scares him. Yes, you’re a great coworker, one that he can always depend on. And yes, you always bring a small smile to his face whenever you greet him in the mornings. And yes, you became a part of the day that he is always looking forward to (even wrote your planned interactions in his notebook) every day. But...you didn’t meet all 58 of his ideals

Could you really be his ideal partner when you barely met any of the conditions? Would he be prepared to give you his everything if you were?

Which he already knew the answer to: YES

So he tried to put his feelings aside and strictly focus on work (not that he already wasn’t, of course). But damn it, was it hard to conceal his true emotions when he had to see people that weren’t him making you happy. And it seemed that others took notice of his more than sour mood too. It was miserable to see more than anything

So being the best partner that he is (and that the answer is so obvious), Dazai pulled him to the side and calmly explained to him what he was feeling...

SIKE this is Dazai we’re talking about. While he did want to help his dear friend out, he wanted this to be entertaining.

Give it up for Dazai always trolling this man and Kunikida falling for it everytime lmao

Kunikida didn’t believe it was jealously at first, and he refused to accept it. But, it kept appearing more and more to the point where he had no choice but to come to terms. And it explained so much, he hated to say

Unknowingly glaring at whoever was diverting your attention, grinding his teeth whenever he would hear you laughing and knowing that it wasn’t him causing it, even snapping one time at a possible suitor when he overheard the conversation between you

“If you actually listened to (Name) then you would know that they already answered that question earlier. But no, you’re too busy focusing on their looks to understand what they’re saying! Maybe if you didn’t let your damn mind wander to the gutter so much you could appreciate the time that they’re willing to spend with you when they can be spending it with me!”

He won’t ever live that down

He would try to gift you things that he knows that you would enjoy (and he didn’t even have to look in his book, that’s how much he remembers), but it would somehow backfire

“Thank you Kunikida for this but...were you hungry?”

“No. Why are you asking? If you’re offering to share it, I rather not. I got those just for you-“

“It’s empty.”

“...”

“RANPO!”

He would be the gentleman more than he already was, but you just saw it as him being nice and trying to stay in like with his beliefs. He even asked you straightforward on a date, but you said that you already had plans

With the look on his face you would’ve thought that you burned his precious notebook right in front of him and you and Dazai were roasting marshmallows above it

Kunikida could be controlling, but only because he’s so used to running on schedule and being a leader. But he would try his best not to come off as that to you outside of work; he wants you guys to be happy together in a healthy relationship. He’ll make mistakes but he’s truly trying, be patient. He really does want to be with you and he’s here to show that

So after collecting mountains and mountains of data on how to approach this unique situation, he came to only one outcome: to confess. He was nervous, his stomach doing multiple flips, but he will go through with it

Now, he’s on a mission: to both try to overcome the struggle of accepting that you weren’t the ideal romantic ideal according to his notebook, and to reveal that you are the ideal romantic partner for him

He couldn’t take this ugly feeling anymore, and while he stood by his ideals, he wanted to stand by your side too

Plus if he got tempted to use his ability on one more person that tried to hit on you he was gonna snap

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding AU Part V (SW Time Travel AU #27)

Part I - - - - -  Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV 

After a meandering walk through what felt like every path the hanging gardens and marsh pools had to offer, Obi-Wan stopped to lean against a stone wall. 

“Obi-Wan? Are you ready to stop and eat something? As nice as this has been, I’m getting hungry and I’m guessing you are too.” 

Anakin was only being a little sarcastic. It had genuinely been nice to peacefully spend the day with Obi-Wan like this- they hadn’t been to the marsh habitats since the war started. He had resigned himself to watching Obi-Wan enthusiastically greet every wandering knight, master, and elder who they passed. 

It was actually starting to become impressive- Anakin never realized how many members of the Order his Master was friendly with- no wonder he was given a seat on the high council! But after the last heartfelt clasping of hands with a completely unfamiliar Bothan (thankfully for Anakin’s petty jealousy, Obi-Wan wasn’t hugging everyone), Anakin had asked who the knight was.

Obi Wan frowned. “No idea. But I suppose I must have seen him somewhere.” 

Anakin was no longer feeling impressed.

When a group of crechelings wandered by, Obi-Wan appeared briefly overwhelmed with emotion. His shields (apparently even better drunken than sober) didn’t let anything specific slip. But he knew Obi-Wan was feeling something intensely. Bizarrely, instead of saying hello, Obi-Wan hurried out and away with Anakin dragged behind, bringing them back to the stone wall and their skipped breakfast.

“Not yet.” Obi-Wan responded hoarsely. “I want to visit the Room of A Thousand Fountains first, and say a few more goodbyes.”

“Goodbyes?” Anakin asked, a slight chill running down his back. “We’re not shipping back out until the end of the week. Do you always say goodbye to everyone this thoroughly before redeployment?”

“No. Do you think I should have?” Obi-Wan frowned. “I feel like that would have been more upsetting than anything else.”

“Ok then, why are you saying goodbye now? To the whole order?” 

Obi-Wan didn’t reply, he just pushed off the wall to continue on his quest to apparently visit every corner of the temple.

“Master, please, you’re worrying me. If you won’t eat, then let me take you to the Healing Halls so they can check you over for drugs. We can visit the fountains after.”

Obi-Wan finally paused, thinking that over. “I would like to see Bant. She should be there, right?”  

Bant did end up being there, and was more touched than disturbed by Obi-Wan’s sincere joy to see her. While Obi-Wan wandered the halls greeting injured Knights, she ran several tests.

“As far as I can tell, all you had last night was human-appropriate alcohol. No force-user specific drug interactions, and no traces of Spice. It’s possible there’s something I missed, but your force presence doesn’t feel off balance in the manner I specifically associate with drug-induced altered perception. Your blood sugar is a little low and you’re somewhat dehydrated, especially considering you’re in the temple, not out on a mission.”

“I’ll take care of my physical needs after I visit the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Just because a vision isn’t purely induced by the force doesn’t mean I can’t draw meaning from it. I do appreciate how you always looked out for me though, Bant. I’ve missed your fussing.” Obi-Wan smiled, clasping one of her hands in his.

Bant sighed, “If Master Yoda wasn’t off world I’d urge you to talk to him. I haven’t seen you this shaken by a vision since we were younglings. Even if you do seem to be handling it fairly... calmly.” 

Obi-Wan laughed. “I’ll tell him you said that someday. I might be wrong, but I think he’ll be happy to learn about-” Obi-Wan gestured around vaguely, “all this. I’ll talk to him at some point. I’m sure of it.” 

She glanced over at Anakin, who had been a quietly looming shadow the whole visit. He seemed both relieved by the diagnosis as well as bewildered. “Can I speak to you privately?”

Obi-Wan nodded and Anakin stalked out of the test room. 

She scrutinized him, worry more obvious now, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you slipping tenses this whole time. You’re still not sure where your vision ends and reality begins, are you? Do you even know when you are?”

Obi-Wan looked down. “I know what’s real and what’s not. I’m just...enjoying not fully living in the moment. I have every intention of waking up.”

“Yeah, that’s a BIG red flag, Obi-Wan. Force.” She tilted her head back and forth, examining him with obvious concern. “I am scheduling an appointment for a soul healer and you are going to go, understand?” She demanded.

Obi-Wan agreed far too easily. She reluctantly let him leave with an earnest promise to eat something real.

Obi-Wan came outside to find Anakin pacing. 

“I’m glad you’re still here,” he told his former Padawan, ignoring the ache in his chest.

“Of course Ori’vod,” Anakin said, ducking his head with a shy smile. “What did Bant say?”

“She wants me to eat something real and visit a soul healer.” Obi-Wan sighed. “Well, I can do at least one of those things.”

“A soul healer! She thinks you’re crazy?” Anakin asked offended. 

“First of all, you don’t have to be unstable to visit a soul healer. I’ve seen them in the past, when there wasn’t as much wrong with me. I’m sorry if I led you to believe you couldn’t seek out help for your problems.” Obi-Wan said. Another mistake.

“I-I know that. I just thought, you know, Jedi can be judgmental of that sort of thing. A good Jedi is supposed to be able to just, meditate stuff away.” Anakin said bitterly.

Obi-Wan thought furiously. Was this why he had been so blindsided by Anakin’s fall? Had his padawan been so afraid of judgement that he hid all of the warning sides of his struggles with darkness? Maybe he could ask Owen for some sort of petty assistance when he brought over bantha milk next time, to demonstrate to young Luke that it was ok to ask for help. No, he was probably still too young for those sorts of lessons to have much meaning. The insight would require meditation, when he was more sober. 

Unsure how ‘Anakin’ would respond, Obi-Wan tentatively said, “You’re right, that some Jedi might judge for seeking such aid. But I think in the last years of the war, that sort of opinion became less and less common. After all, an ideal Jedi shouldn’t be leading an army. I don’t know if anyone can be perfect during war, let alone a peacekeeper.”

When that failed to garner positive or negative reply, Obi-Wan let out a breath. “It hardly matters, since I can’t exactly visit a therapist, let alone a soul healer, given my present living conditions.” 

Anakin seemed to process that, giving Obi-Wan a long, searching look. “What’s your next point?”

“Hmm?”

“You said first of all, and I think that was all one thing, so what’s your second point?”

“Not exactly being able to visit a soul healer regularly doesn’t count as a separate retort?”

“I guess? I’m just trying to understand what you’re trying to tell me” A twinge of frustration crept into Anakin’s otherwise level tone.

"I appreciate that, truly, and I regret the number of hurtful miscommunications that sprung up from me failing to do just that. Well, I suppose, by most reasonable standards, I am ‘crazy.’ Getting some help with unraveling my mind would probably be best, if it were an option, but it isn’t so...” Obi-Wan shrugged.

Before any followup questions could be asked, they finally arrived at the main entrance to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The archway was stunning, water flowing upwards along the stone in intricate, shifting tessellations. When they stepped through, Obi-Wan was delighted to see Mace Windu sitting on a bench by the entrance. 

“Mace! I was hoping to see you.”

Mace looked at him. He seemed at first, to be utterly unsurprised by the duo’s arrival. But the longer he stared, the more visible shock overtook his features. “Master Koon recommended I look for you...force what happened.”

Obi-Wan just chuckled. “Oh you know. What didn’t happen.”

“What’s wrong?” Anakin asked urgently. “What do you see, Master Windu?”

Obi-Wan tried to wave them both off, laugh a little more forced. “Please, I came here to relax. I’m sure it would be easier to say what’s not wrong with-”

“Kark it, Obi-Wan this isn’t a joking matter.” Master Windu’s voice was calm, but insistent. He slowly started approaching Obi-Wan as though the fellow council member were a feral loth-cat. 

“You look as if...nearly every shatter point around you has broken open. Force, I think you’ve been carrying some of these with you since you were a child. Usually when things that deep break...And some of these- some of these are too big to have just affected you.” Mace hesitantly reached forward, brushing against something invisible.

A chill ran down Anakin’s spine, again. What the kriff did Obi-Wan see in his vision? Last night he mentioned the temple burning, their rooms turned to ash, and Anakin had just...let that go in favor of greedily spending time with this addictively affectionate version of Obi-Wan.

“Mace...” Obi-Wan groaned. “I had been wondering what you might say to me but this is...please, can’t you just give me a hug and let me enjoy the peace for one more hour.”

“Master Kenobi,” Mace said, seeming to revert to an even more serious version of himself. “What I see cracked open around you is bigger than the reemergence of the Sith on Naboo, bigger than the first battle of Genosis. Whatever has happened, you cannot possibly keep it to yourself, practically or morally.”

To the shock of both Windu and Skywalker, Obi-Wan actually rolled his eyes at that. “Mace. You are not telling me anything I do not already know. And I am choosing to spend a little longer enjoying the unique joys of the Temple before dealing with the harshness of reality. Haven’t I earned a small break? I’m not abandoning my duty, but if I don’t take care of myself where I can I’ll go madder than I already have.” 

At no point did Obi-Wan’s voice get whiny or upset, he just calmly dropped a series of bombshells like he was repeating an argument.

Mace and Anakin exchanged glances, but if Mace was trying to communicate something, it was utterly lost on Anakin. 

“Alright, Master Kenobi. I trust your judgement.” 

And, to Anakin’s shock, Mace pulled Obi-Wan for a tight hug. “And I care about you, Obi-Wan.”

For a brief, hysterical moment, Anakin Skywalker wondered if he was about to witness his Master break down crying on the shoulder of Mace Windu the Master of the Jedi Order.

But Obi-Wan just let out a slow breath and returned the embrace before bowing deeply in Respect. Windu returned the bow with a placid expression. 

“If you’ll excuse me...I think I’d like to stand by the waterfall alone for a moment.” He paused, turning to address Anakin. “If you’re willing to wait for me, I’ll happily rejoin you by the glowing mushrooms.” Anakin nodded silently and Obi-Wan beamed before leaving the two alone together.

Mace turned to the young knight in a silent demand for answers, and, for once, Anakin was eager to share what he was dealing with. “He came back drunk last night, talking about the temple burning down, and being well-”

“Unusually emotionally expressive?” Mace offered.

Anakin nodded. “Took a blood sample to analyze in the morning. He woke determined to hug every sentient being in the temple. I actually managed to get him to the halls just before we came here; Master Eerin said there was nothing in his system and...I just don’t know. He’s been off today, but not in a bad way, exactly. Could a vision have caused the shattering you saw?

Mace furrowed his brow. “Not any vision like I’ve ever seen but...these are dark times. And Master Kenobi has had historically bad luck. If some new cataclysm is coming for us- I absolutely believe he’d be the first of us to stumble into it. Something terrible and extraordinary must have happened in the 24 hours since I last saw him in person.”

A beat passed.

“I should go to the mushrooms before I lose track of him,” Anakin said quietly.

Mace nodded. “Skywalker, if you need assistance dragging him back to the healers for whatever reason, comm me, understood?” 

“Understood. Master Koon said the same.” the Knight replied, heart pounding.

The Windu clasped him on the shoulder firmly, "I’m going to check in with Master Eerin. It’s possible she has some suspicions that my observations will help her confirm. Until then...”

“I’ll look out for him.” Anakin promised.

Part VI

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Farmer Ted

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Regardless of where the two of you have your first conversation, Ted probably knew of and had a crush on you before you were even aware of his existence.

- He’d probably seen you around school and thought that you were really pretty but just didn’t have the nerve to introduce himself while you were with your friends/around people. But now was his perfect chance. 

- You’d been sitting outside of the school, waiting for somebody, when he’d slinked up to you all dorkily suave. Considering you were somewhat distracted by a book, you probably didn’t realize someone was approaching you until they’d; or rather he’d, sat beside you. 

- Somewhat surprised and curious, you looked up and over at him, meeting his eyes as he gave you a smile. He greeted you, making small talk as you sat together before asking if you “wanted to go out Saturday night”. 

- You found him sort of endearing and cute in a wimpy sort of way so; much to his genuine surprise, you actually said yes. 

- For your first date, the two of you went to the movies. He kept sneaking glances at you throughout the night and held his hand open on the armrest like halfway through the movie, waiting to see if you’d take it; which you probably did. 

- He probably rushes to go tell Bryce and Cliff about everything that happened after the two of you say goodbye. 

- You have your first kiss about a week after your first date. You were sitting together in his bedroom and he’d mentioned how “it may come as a surprise …but you’re the first girl he’s ever gone out with.” before telling you how he really likes you and is wondering if you’ll be his girlfriend. 

- Obviously, you agree and after an almost instantaneous “really?!”, he all but smashes his lips to yours. When the two of you pull away, he shyly apologizes but you just laugh and tell him it’s fine. 

- And there you have it, the geek finally gets the girl. 

- Lots of pda. He wants to show off and flaunt your relationship; particularly because he knows that no one would automatically assume that the two of you are dating whenever you’re together. 

- His arm around your shoulder. It makes him feel like a stud. 

- Handholding. 

- Hugs from behind. He does occasionally give you an actual squeeze but, more often than not, he just wraps his arms loosely around you while the two of you stand together. 

- He loves kisses on the cheek. He always tries his best to play it cool but his heart skips a beat whenever you give him one. 

- Clumsy kisses. You’re probably going to be his first kiss so expect him to be a little bad at it for a while; and possibly scrape you with his braces. 

- Soft kisses. 

- Sitting in his lap. He likes wrapping his arms around you and  looking up at your face or whatever you’re doing in front of him whenever you do. 

- He loves cuddling and enjoys doing it in any way that you can. Spooning? Great! You laying your head on his chest? Even better! Him laying his head on you? Wowza!

- You’ll probably catch him staring at you a lot. He’s just amazed that such a wonderful girl like you is giving him the time of day. 

- He calls you pet names more than your actual name, particularly in front of people because; once again, he likes showing off that you’re a couple. He must have at least a dozen different terms of endearment that he calls you interchangeably. 

- Lame pick up lines. He still tries to flirt with you; even though he’s arguably bad at it. 

- He likes making you laugh at his absurdity, especially if you’re noticeably upset; either with him or at something else. 

- Singing along and lip syncing to the radio together. 

- Dancing with each other. 

- Giving all of his geeky interests a try. 

- Letting him explain floppy disks and computers and all that to you. He’s actually sort of brilliant if we’re being honest here. 

- Pizza dates. 

- Movie dates. I can’t tell you why but I feel like Ted would enjoy watching old movies, movies with like Frank Sinatra in them and all the other golden age of Hollywood stars. 

- Taking walks around the neighborhood together; maybe walking a dog together if you’re interested in that. 

- Going to the park. You usually sit on the swings together and talk whenever you do. 

- Arcade dates.

- County fairs, carnivals, and amusement parks. He likes taking you to those types of things, he thinks they’re really fun.

- Having “his dudes” interrupt and tag along with you guys a lot. He’s quick to tell them to scram but you usually feel kinda bad and just tell them they can stay if they’d like to.

- He definitely tries to get you a bit out of your comfort zone but never minds if you just don’t feel like doing something. The two of you could just be standing and doing nothing and he’d be completely fine with it purely because he’s with you.

- He said it himself: he’s a total pushover for pretty girls. You can convince him to do pretty much anything because he’s too twerked up to say no.

- Doing his makeup. Did you see his lid space? The clean close shave? He’d probably outright refuse at first but he’d give in easy enough and you’d get to make him gorgeous.

- He loves the smell of your perfume. He’ll never admit it but he sprays himself with it before he leaves your house so that he can smell like you for the rest of the night. It’s comforting to him.

- He definitely messes around with your stuffed animals whenever he’s bored, you’re not paying attention to him, or just to make you smile.

- Making you laugh is one of his main missions in life. He loves hearing the sound; even if it’s at his expense. 

- Helping him clean up the messes he makes when he’s a total klutz, or just silently helping him when he’s awkwardly and cluelessly fumbling with something. 

- Standing up for him; especially if you’re higher on the social hierarchy.  

- Walking to class together. 

- Sitting with him at lunch; even though it’s sort of social suicide. You get a lot of stares and weird interactions from the other geeks but Bryce and Cliff have gotten used to you and have become pretty good friends of yours. 

- Him carrying your things, or you; he’s surprisingly strong for such a little guy. 

- You’re like 90% of his impulse control and one of the only reasons he’s still alive. You keep him in check because he desperately needs it sometimes.

- Sharing secrets. 

- Having earnest conversations. Most of the time, he feels like he needs to put up a front to seem cool but the longer you're together, the more he realizes you like him for him and that he can just be himself. 

- He can act like a bit of a jerk sometimes but he does genuinely care about your feelings and is actually pretty good at making you feel better when you’re feeling down. 

- He’s definitely pretty jealous. You hang out with him and a bunch of geeks who are constantly ogling and trying to get close to you. Not to mention the fact that you’re really pretty and could bag a boy who’s much higher on the social ladder than he is. 

- He’s not overprotective of you but he does care enough about you to put his weeny ass on the line. He may not be the most helpful in a dangerous/scary situation but he’s fully ready to get his ass kicked to defend you; he’s gotten it bruised for less than that. 

- You don’t fight a lot but the two of you do get into a few good arguments and fights. You’ll argue for a while until you move to just leave, he’ll stop you and calm his tone down while trying to reason with you and explain his point of view. He has a habit of saying the wrong thing or doing things without thinking so that may be part of the reason you’re moving to leave. 

- He is genuinely sorry whenever he’s blatantly messed up but he’ll usually apologize for his attitude regardless of who’s in the wrong and say “but you have to admit x” and you will have to admit it no matter how stubborn you are. 

- He likes when you tell him that you love him but he’s a bit too shy to say it back in fear of messing up his “stud persona”. He’ll usually just give you a kiss and tell you he loves you when you’re alone. 

- You’re his first love so he has that naive, “we’re gonna last forever” mindset; even though he doesn’t talk about it all that much. That’s not to say that you won’t though, I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful life together. 

[dangermousie]

If I have a favorite S1 episode, Nerve is it. Any ep that beats out AHR, THM and FT has got to be beyond awesome, and this is. Watching it after seeing everything, I want to cover my eyes in parts of it. Tell John to run, to hide before scorpius gets to him, breaks him (because while in some ways, Crichton is never broken, in other ways he is irretrievably broken after Aurora Chair and it never ever gets fully fixed.) But there is so much in this episode to love that I am not sure where to start. The scene where Crichton finds out that something is wrong with Aeryn and he won't leave her alone until he learns what. And then the stark denial in his face when he realizes she is going to die? The way he looks at her throughout is so enveloping, isn't it? And he touches her face while reassuring her she won't die as if to make sure she is still there but because Crichton is such a physical, touchy-feely person, isn't he? He will never lose that certain openness to touch that is a result of a free peaceful upbringing. And I love that the reason the others agree to go to Gammak base isn't as much because they don't want to lose Aeryn (though that plays into that. Notice how D'Argo is unequivocal about not wanting Aeryn to die and how he comes up with a way to keep her alive for longer. What a difference from his equivocal statement in EfG) but because of Crichton: because this is the first time you see that they give in because Crichton is crazier than they are. And they can see it.

This is the first episode where we are presented with the fact, so starkly, that it is impossible for Crichton to let Aery die. Ever. Crichton is a laid-back enough guy, but there are a very few things (Aeryn first among them) where he will not give in, ever. And Moyans can sense that. Crichton's power of conviction is a fierce scary thing and I think they know they would have to kill him to prevent him from going to the Gammak base. One of the many amazing scenes in the episode is the good-bye between Aeryn and John which is not a good-bye. The word 'good-bye' is not said even though John is going on a suicide mission and Aeryn will most likely die soon. This is the start to the series of their non-good-byes that ends so wrenchingly in DWTB. Once they are reunited after DWTB they never say even non-good-bye, do they? At the end of BT, they chose to die together, kissing, as together as they can be, rather than try to separate, jump overboard, survive. Ok that's a digression - to get back to their non-good-bye scene. Their looks speak volumes, when their words do not. I love Aeryn's openness, even vulnerability, in asking John if his people have any rituals for such situations and he looks at her with his heart in his eyes and tells her that there is a handshake and wishing of luck. And she does that and they hold on to each other's hands briefly and she wishes him luck and asks him how it was and he replies, in just that tone of voice: 'Perfect.' And he won't break their eye contact.

I love that Chiana goes with him. Part of this is because he genuinely likes Crichton and owes him, but I think also because she feels a little guilty because it's her actions that ultimately resulted in Aeryn being wounded. So Crichton goes down, wearing a dead man's uniform. And when he comes back, he will never be the same. When he gets caught on Scorpius' order, you know what I noticed? Even there, he won't fire at the goons. He hits them with the gun, but he won't shoot. Ohhhh. That rather broke my heart, as this is the last time we see this. Aurora Chair knocks it all out of him. From than on, he is never without a gun, never without the armor of the peacekeepers. He is damaged for good. I love his pissed-off-at-the-world attitude as he flies into the base (and I cannot re-emphasize enough how crazy suicidal this whole thing is). Part is put-on as a PK attitude (and it's good for him he is pretending to be irregulars because you know they are a bit weird generally) but part is his genuine madness at the situation. But I think the bravest thing he does the whole ep is putting his hands into that bio scan. And that brings me to Gilina. They meet again but how he's changed. He points a gun at her and he keeps pointing it, doesn't lower it when he sees who it is. And poor Gilina, your train has passed. Now Crichton sees no one but Aeryn and when Chiana tries to reassure Gilina, you can see even Gilina doesn't believe it. And how amazing is it that Crichton stashes that thing for Aeryn and even though he is caught and horribly tortured, his priority is to get that thing to Aeryn. The first time Crichton puts Aeryn above any rational saving of self (though Gilina is wrong that he is acting this way because he loves Aeryn. That's it in part, but as we will see later, he undergoes so much torture to protect Gilina, and it's made all the more awesome because it's gratitude not love that motivates him).

The torture scenes are hard to watch. Farscape doesn't make torture pretty: John looks like hell when he is thrown back into the cell: red-rimmed eyes, falling apart, can barely move.

And during the torture, he is crying and drooling on himself and (the worst of all) he cannot help but tell Scorpius: "Please." To beg. And the sheer incomprehension in him - as some basic belief in decency and goodness of the Universe and people really shatters irrevocably in him. Ouch!

I don't know what's worse for him: the physical pain or the psychic violation or the helplessness to stop from betrayal of his friends. One catches relief when Scorpius stops the torture, relief he cannot hide, and horror when Scorpius indicates it's a short break and he'll be back soon. And yet, terrified, in pain, a mess, (his despairing horror when he sees Stark and asks 'is this what the Chair did to you') he still fights back, small flashes of defiance, grim hysterical humor.

And then there is Crais, and is a monster but he is dwarfed by the other monster in the room: Scorpius, and John's despairing laughter at the senselessness of the Universe, of no way this is as bad as it is...his laughter has a thin tinge of insanity to it. And I love that Crais knows the one way to get John to cooperate is to promise him not his life but the lives of his companions and I love that even driven to the limits of his endurance, Crichton outthinks him, desperately. I haven't even gotten to Stark whom I adore (but I really fell for him in the next ep). All I can say is 'My side, your side' is a frequent catch-phrase in the Mousie household.

[akutagawasbitch]

Aku, Atsushi, Chuuya, Higuchi, and whoever u want--how do they act when they're black out drunk??? Absolutely shit faced?

Of course my love, I had so much fun writing these. Let the crack commence <3

Chuuya

As we all know he can fly but when he's drunk he'll fly into shit all the fucking time. The side of a building, random walls, the window of his penthouse. You name it he's probably flown into it and face planted it while drunk

He also suffers from short man syndrome and will not hesitate to punch anyone. He has been kicked out of many bars for throwing the bartender when they cut him off

He likes to flirt but when drunk, he turns into a mess. Slurring his words, mixing up pickup lines and or just forgetting how to speak. It's all happened to him before but if dazai is around? He turns into the best womanizer in all of Yokohama for the sake of his pride

His favourite drunk food is ramen, he'll make shitty 99 cent ramen in his penthouse and devour it

His normally refined palette goes out the window

While he can be aggressive, if you're friendly to him, Chuuya will be your friend and be an absolute sweetheart back. He's made many a friend on drinking nights who he never remembers but they remember him

Amazon and drunk Chuuya are his wallet's greatest enemy

He will spend hours scrolling through and buy himself the stupidest shit ever

He once bought a massive playhouse because he wanted one

He'll also buy himself hats

Buys ridiculous shit and has it delivered to Dazai's apartment

One time he had hair removal cream disguised as shampoo order and dazai used it

Loves to dance while drunk

He will fucking get down with any song and is amazing at dancing

Loves going to karaoke bars, gets super into it. He will sing any song and is always surprisingly good at it. 

Passes out super quickly and easily so he never stays out too long 

Dazai 

Doesn’t like drinking too much as it reminds him of when him and Oda would go to Lupin together.

When he’s drunk, he swears he can hear Oda talking to him telling him what an idiot he’s being. 

He’s either an incredibly happy and elated drunk or a horribly suicidal depressed drunk. It depends on how much he has to drink. If he’s tipsy, he laughs a lot and feels a genuine sense of happiness, not the fake happiness he feels most of the time. If he is blackout drunk, he’s depressed and highly suicidal but in a more serious way. No more mushrooms or trying to drown himself, he goes for knives and pills but he always wakes up.

He will trip a lot and be incredibly clumsy when drunk. His bandages come undone which he doesn’t notice causing him to trip on them. This happens regularly 

When drunk he’s more prone to bumping his head on things since he isn’t paying attention. Ceilings, fans, lights, door frames. No matter what drunk dazai is a tall bastard with no spatial awareness

His flirting goes through the roof when drunk. He will flirt with anything that moves, he does not care. 

You know what else goes through the roof when he’s drunk? His d- appetite. This man can rival Kenjii or Atsushi in how much he can eat when drunk. He orders 6 different plates of crab and devours them like he’s never eaten in his life. 

His self restraint goes out the window and he’ll go break into Chuuya’s apartment just to mess with him and steal his hat or something along those lines. Drunk Dazai loves to fuck with people. 

He’s also more relaxed and will happily let Naomi or Yosano do his makeup if they asked nicely enough. He’d brag about how he’s the “prettiest princess of them all” before passing out

Aku 

You think Akutagawa has no filter? Wait until you meet drunk Akutagawa. This man doesn’t even know what a filter is. 

He deadass looks at Chuuya and stares at him before commenting “You’re short” with a deadpan look. 

He also has a surprisingly high tolerance and enjoys strong alcohol over wine. 

His lack of filter gets him into trouble more often than not and he gets into fights a lot. He actually uses his fists while drunk over using Rashomon mainly because he can barely speak a word without hiccuping 

He has trouble speaking, he either hiccups through every sentence or slurs his words to the point where they are unintelligible 

He is more chatty than normal but don’t expect a Dazai or Chuuya level of chatter. 

He likes to drink spiked teas 

He does enjoy drinking with others and enjoys accompanying Chuuya on nights out

He will devour a massive bowl of curry while drunk. He rarely eats when sober but when drunk? He’ll eat anything put in front of him

He is still pretty quick on his feet and agile but he is prone to falling over

He literally once woke up Gin because he fell over their couch when walking into their apartment and he just lay on the floor cursing out the sofa

He’ll roast the fuck out of Dazai and Atsushi while drunking and make various death threats

Aku ends up being rather protective of others while drunk and has scared of a number of creepy men making advances on uninterested women, he’s like a guard dog in that regard 

He will pass out fairly quickly once he gets home, refuses to pass out anywhere other than his bed 

Higuchi

As we found out in the PM Onsen CD, Higuchi cries when she’s drunk. She’ll cry over a cute puppy or cry over a mission going wrong or she’ll just cry because she got praise from Akutagawa. 

She also will talk for hours on one specific topic. Either its Akutagawa or something completely random. She’ll rarely talk about her sister but when she’s drunk she’ll open up more about her and tell everyone how much she loves her sister. 

She is also a lightweight and will pass out fairly quickly 

She likes sweet things when drunk and will eat something sweet that’s near her. 

She also has to hold Akutagawa back from fighting people or prevent him from getting punched because his no filter talk insulted the wrong person 

She isn’t an aggressive drunk but an emotional one. 

Gin

Gin isn’t a big talker, but she’ll talk more if she is drunk drunk and comfortable enough with the people she is drinking with 

She will laugh a lot while drunk and smile but it's hard to tell with her mask on 

Gin as we all  know is insanely fast and agile but when she’s drunk? All her agility goes out the window and she will face plant the floor if she tries any of her tricks.

I think she has a sweet tooth, so I can see her enjoying mochi ice cream while drunk

She also would love to watch people do karaoke, she won't participate since she’s too shy but seeing Chuuya and everyone else do it makes her laugh so hard her sides hurt

She lets out her more soft side and tries to pet all animals she sees

She once stole a duck and brought it home, Akutagawa wasn’t happy 

Atsushi

He will be a mess

100% a giggly drunk, he’ll find everything funny, even Kunkida’s dad jokes.  

He’ll accidently activate his ability and be walking around with a tail and not even notice it. 

Speaking of his tail, when drunk he likes to chase it as he gives into his more cat like tendencies, Dazai has a video of Atsushi chasing his tail for a good 20 minutes  

This boy will devour an entire restaurants worth of chazuke, if he could while drunk 

He likes to climb trees and he’s good at it, Kunida once found him at the top of a tree curled up asleep 

He’s also more blunt and will roast the fuck out of Akutagawa 

He also roasts Dazai a little bit but not as much as Akutagawa

He likes to transform into is tiger form and nap when drunk

He’d probably curse and then say fuck because he cursed and then just spiral into a stream of fucks 

He will try catch cats to cuddle, he once followed a cat two blocks just to pet him

I imagine him enjoying amusement parks so he’d go to once while drunk and have the time of his life until he got nauseous on the rides 

I also imagine he like play video games so when drunk he’ll do that and have the time of his life

Suddenly sweet baby atsushi is cursing and swearing like a sailor

He’ll pass out pretty quick and once he’s passed out, he’s out like a light for the rest of the evening.

Junchiro 

He likes his alcohol delivered in baked goods

He will try drunk bake/cook

He will pass out quickly and just cuddle his own sweater

He tries to flirt with women but naomi does not like it

My man will be shirtless trying to make a souffle at 2am

This was so fun to write, I’m sorry it took so long but I hope you enjoy this crack <3 

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Let him go, pt.2

Summary: When Nick decided to keep Y/N out of the loop regarding Lucifer Morningstar, he never imagined one of his worst fears would come to life - to lose her.

Warnings: ANGST

Word count: 2.2k

Part 1

“I can go in there.” I spoke up, annoyed sitting on the sidelines and being kept out of the loop. If Nick had anything to do with it, I’d have ended up either dead or in the church with the rest of them. I was lucky not to be at the Academy when the hunters came, even luckier I had found a pastime with a riveting Summoning and Bounding literature masterpieces.

“No. Not gonna happen.” Nick waved me off, not bothering to spare me a glance and I scoff.

“Why not?” Harvey raised an eyebrow, eyeing me with interest. He definitely had questions.

“Yeah…Why not?” Folding my arms across my chest, I tilt my head to the right ever so slightly with the faintest, coldest smile I could muster.

“Because I don’t want you there.” Nick’s lips press together and I roll my eyes, but Sabrina was faster than me with her reply.

“I’ll go. I was baptized with holy water, remember?” She smirked, shrugging my way.

“So was I.” I raise my hand, stating it a bit too bitterly. Jealousy isn’t easy, especially not when it’s between two women who greatly respect each other.

“I am half angel. I reckon I have a good chance to stop them.” Yet my mouth keeps moving as if I want to say YOU’RE NOT THAT SPECIAL SPELLMAN, but I don’t say it. I don’t, but I can sense someone’s in my mind, probing for answers. Usually I’d assume it’s the Weird sisters, but this is Ambrose. I just know it.

“NO. They despise nephillims more than witches!” Nick raises his voice, turning to me with a hostile look in his usually loving eyes. The hostility doesn’t come from anger or hate, it’s not animosity, rather worry. It’s fear. “I will.” Sabrina repeats with a sigh, glancing between Nick and me. His eyes remain on me, lips pursing as the eye contact breaks and I finally feel like I can breathe. “You’re not seriously gonna let her go alone, are you? It’s a suicide mission.” Harvey’s eyes wander to me, pleading. He wants me to go, especially after he heard of my roots – a half witch is usually less than impressive, but a half angel with witch blood is unseen. Well…until I appeared. “You don’t seriously think I tell her what to do, do you?” Nick smirks, shrugging it off. He watched them leave, his back turned to me and I felt uncomfortable for the first time since I’ve met him. Nick had let his girlfriend go, yet asked me to stay.

“I couldn’t…I can’t risk you. You’re all I have in this wretched life and if something happened to you, I don’t think I’d survive it.”  

His words aimed for my heart and I flinch with the sheer intensity of the truth hidden within each, emotional syllable. It was the first time he had made me feel as if I matter since Sabrina came along. I felt loved. I felt needed.

It didn’t last.

A week later he and I parted ways.

Nick stayed true to his word, giving me space to breathe and he had his hands full with the new Sabrina and her wish to convert the coven into a church per her father’s view. She wanted to make a difference and while I agreed with some of the teaching, I didn’t fall prey to her charm. Something didn’t feel right and while I was expertly kept out of the loop, I had time to realize how much of my life revolved around Nick.

What little I had left of him felt as if it never existed.

I can’t lie and say he didn’t reach out a few times. It wasn’t a face to face talk, but I did get a few messages on my arm – a little secret we used to have. An enchanted pen to talk in class, when he was away for holidays. It was our way to always stay in contact and from what I’ve learned, he had given our secret away when he made the same pen and gave it to Sabrina. I was no longer our thing. It was just a thing.

“You really should be more careful with your thoughts.” Ambrose Spellman settles beside me, a small smile playing on his lips as if he isn’t here to reprimand me for the distasteful thoughts I’ve had about his cousin.

“Stop peering into my mind and you won’t be as insulted.” I shrug, turning my attention back to the book I’ve been studying. I have always been one of the best students at the Academy. I’d go as far as to claim I’m at the same level as Nick, if not better.

“You do realize Nick is miserable without you.” Ambrose leans on his elbow, smirking once he notices I closed my eyes. “He’s always talking about you. I’m genuinely concerned Sabrina will spell his mouth shut.” He chuckles, looking around as if to make sure we’re alone. “I mean, there’s an apocalypse happening and in an hour, yet he’s still only interested in threatening everyone not to tell you a single word about it.”

Snapping the book shut, I sit up straighter and turn to Ambrose. “What, in the name of Satan, are you talking about?!” The smallest of smiles appear on my lips, assumptions of it being a well-crafted lie making my heart remain steady. However, the smallest inkling of it being a truth thrashed my usually peaceful mind.

“Sabrina’s father, aka Satan, wants to make her his queen and from what I’ve realized, it is happening tonight and we made plans to trap the dark lord but I have a feeling it might not be as easy.” Ambrose pauses as he notices me pale and I’m sure I’m barely keeping a straight face at this point. “Everyone’s in it, but you. Even the mortals.” Ambrose leans back, having set the bait and he knows this will be the reason why I engage.

“We’ll be waiting. You might want to pop in for the coronation.” Ambrose raised both hands in mock surrender as if he didn’t just drop a major bomb my way. He made his way out of the library while I grabbed my bag and frantically searched for the pen.

CORONATION?!

No response.

NICK!!

No response. I know he sees it. I know he feels it. But if he knew me, he knew it would only provoke me. Just because we lost each other doesn’t mean I don’t love him – as a friend, as a woman. I need him, even if he doesn’t really need me back. He may think he does, but he doesn’t.

I am the one who needs his whispers and smiles. I’m the one who needs promises sweet as the touch of his hand. I was a slow dying flower, turning sour and untouchable when he found me. He saved me. And ever since then I’ve needed the darkness, the sweetness and even now I need the sadness and weakness coming from loving him. I need his voice to lull me to sleep, his fingers running through my hair, the tender touches that brought me peace.

I need him. It was dark enough, he saw me, he had me – he just didn’t want me. He made his choice and I know what that choice brings. He’ll do anything for Sabrina. It’s who he is, how he always wanted to love and he will risk everything.

At the end of the day, I’m the one who has nothing left to lose. He has everything to live for. I love him enough to let him go…to protect him while I do it.

With a snap of my fingers, a long, blood red dress wraps around my body. The lace weaves around my arms into long sleeves, the silk falling down to my feet. A slight chill runs down my spine as wind dances along my uncovered back and I smile – the dress is perfect. With a sigh, a spell the only earthly possession I care about onto my neck, the pendant with his initials resting just above my low-cut decollete.

“So you always have me close to you.” Nick smiles widely and my heart stops. He’s so beautiful. I wonder if he knows that he’s more than just a body though. He’s beautiful, inside and out. And he’s gifting me jewelry, something I’ve never had. How did he know?

Struggling to keep my tears in, I smile, looking down on the half a heart pendant. “I love it.”

I love you. I wanted to tell him. I did. I wanted him to know and to hell with it, but I couldn’t. To be so brave, to tell him what weighs on me is to risk losing him. He’d be uncomfortable around me if he didn’t feel it and I couldn’t lose him. Not now. Not ever.

Instead of waiting for an invite, I followed the screams.

“Lanuae Magicae.”

Transporting myself into the ballroom wasn’t the plan, but I had to hurry. And I was right to.

“Well played, Spellman.” I hear Nick’s voice, instinctively looking for him and it seems as if he had felt me too as he turns to me, our eyes meeting. The surprise passing his features made my lips twitch, wanting to smile. It’s inevitable – Nick always makes me smile. But our reunion is cut short, the prison they tried to hold Satan in falling apart and I step back, looking to Nick in a panic, but he’s looking at her. He always is. “You try and try to defeat me. I am the Great Satan that no prison may contain!” Ignoring how handsome Lucifer is, I close my eyes and swallow thickly. Opening them again, I look at him and every time I look at him I know. I know he’s never going to be mine. But I can make sure he has his happy ending. “I can’t restrain him for long.” Sabrina warns and I take a step closer while Nick speaks. I always believed he’d be back to me – that we’d become more in time and we’d work out. We’d be the couple everyone envies – the power couple. I always wondered how he looks at me with so much love and tenderness but holds not romantic feelings. “There’s nothing stronger than an Acheron.” Nick exclaims, panic written on his face, fear rising in his eyes and clouding his judgment.

“Incorrect, Mr. Scratch. The mightiest prison is the first one, created by the False God. The human body. Flesh and bone. The strongest and most sacred bindings in nature.” Lilith explains, her own fear evident as she looks to Lucifer who was ready to kill everyone in the room. “It has to be me.” Sabrina says and I hear him scream “No” as he used to do for me. He doesn’t want to lose her. He can’t. He’d do anything for her and I’d do anything for him. “I’m the best binder and conjuror since Edward Spellman. If anyone can keep Him trapped, it’s me.” He exclaims, but I shake my head and look back at him only to see anything but certainty in his eyes. He feels like he must do it.

“No.” I step forth, determined – more than he is. “I am the best binder and conjuror.” Smiling, truthfully, I speak before he can interrupt me. “You love her. I love you. This is a testament to how much. Don’t forget me.” I plead, keeping my eyes on him as his lips quiver and shock paralyzes him. “Carne teneantur tenere tenebrasque.” I begin without so much as blinking. I don’t want to miss a single moment of the last time I will ever see him. Nick is trashing against someone. They’re holding him back. He’s muttering something and I can’t understand what, my focus must remain untouched. “Palatium, carcere…” And my mind darkens.

Gasping, I find myself on the sidelines, my body no longer mine to control as I leap toward Sabrina only for my eyes to close with Ambrose’s spell. “A sleeping spell. Well done.”

I think to myself, keeping an ear out to the outside. I can hear them, but it’s distant.

“You’ve made a big mistake, little nephillim.” Lucifer appears and I roll my eyes at him.

“Shh.” I point up, telling him to listen which only insults him.

“HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP?!”

“Gah, you’re annoying.” I groan, casting a spell to bind him but it doesn’t work.

“Really thought you’re in control? Think again, little one!”

“Shit!”

What I didn’t know is how they decided my fate after I’ve fallen. “What happens now?” Sabrina asks, watching Nick crying over Y/N’s body, calling for her, muttering spells like it would make a difference. “You won’t like it, I’m afraid.” Lilith frowns, a sincere look of compassion in the borrowed eyes of Mary Wardwell.

“You’re not touching her!” Nick growls, his eyes focusing on her pale face and dark red lips – his favorite lipstick from the past times she’d asked for his opinion. He always chooses maroon. He won’t be able to again.

“She’s not going to Hell with you. I will make an impenetrable room at the Academy.” Nick promised, his heart aching and breaking at the sight of his necklace resting on her chest. She wore it – even now.

“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice.” And that’s when Nick fell asleep too.

PART 3

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

[linkspooky]

Right now, people are speculating if tomura has lost his humanity which includes his attachment to the league now that he was awakened with his new quirk as a ‘transcendent being’. I wonder how he will interact with his team when he returns? Will he question how the heroes managed to get the jump on them? How will he react to twice’s death? To Dabi letting in a hero spy into their lair and causing this raid and twice’s death? Is the tomura we have seen grow disappeared or is he still the same?

SHIGARAKI TOMURA - A VERY HUMAN VILLAIN

People may question if Shigaraki Tomura has lost his humanity since acquiring AFO’s power, however I would like to point out that it’s a running theme in the manga for characters to frequently question the humanity of Shigaraki and see him as something less than human, or a force that only exists for evil and destruction. 

However, despite the fact that the heroes and Shigaraki’s enemies insist that Shigaraki has lost his humanity, the story shows the opposite. As much as Shigaraki has changed over the course of the story, he has also stayed the same. 

Shigaraki started out as a kid who wanted to be a hero who saved others, and specifically a kid who would go out of his way to play with the bullied kids. Everyone knows this by now, I would say however growing up in that household shaped Shigaraki to have core values that don’t really change no matter how much he changes as a person. 

Number one, the most important thing to Shigaraki is freedom. In a childish way he sees it as the freedom to do whatever he wants, because that is how All For One influenced him. 

All for One specifically told Shigaraki that being born with the power to destroy means that he should use it without restraint, and never try to hold himself back because in doing so he’ll only hurt himself. AFO tried to influence him to be an unstable manchild because that would make him more dangerous and fearsome to the general public.

However, Shigaraki’s destruction is always a response. He always destroys for a reason no matter how much he insists his destruction is completely random. One of the key themes of My Hero Academia is that in times of crisis you will remember your origin. Shigaraki’s origin is a household that oppressed him to the extent that he wasn’t allowed to become a hero. All he wanted was someone in that household to agree with him rather than deny him. He wanted people to stop telling him he was wrong. 

Shigaraki values freedom, specifically freedom from oppression. Oppression that specifically denies the needs of an individual just because they disrupt society. For example, the opppression that had Himiko’s parents turn abusive on her calling her a demon child because she was born with a strange quirk. 

In that way Shigaraki fights for a kind of true liberation, different from what the liberation force fights for. The Meta Liberation Army while wanting to overturn society also repeated several of society’s oppressive attitude, juding people’s worth based entirely on the strength of their quirk whereas Shigaraki is willing to accept people like Compress, and Spinner who do not have super powerful combat efficient quirks and value them just as much as all the other members from his team. 

Shigaraki also knows the feelings of someone who has not been saved. He’s reflected on this several times, even as early back as his conversation with Deku. He knows that the way the current society functions, it ignores the plights of victims like him that are either too inconvenient to save. 

It’s what Shigaraki says to Deku word for word: “I could hurt you right now and not a single person would come save you. They’ll all walk by and pretend it’s none of their business, because they all think a hero is going to come save them.”

Shigaraki is willing to give people like Twice a chance, even though he was insane and his quirk no longer worked as well as it once did. Not only that, but when people make mistakes Shigaraki never throws them away. Giran is captured and ratted them out, and Shigaraki went to go save them. Twice makes a mistake and because of that Magne is killed, but rather than get angry at Twice, Shigaraki simply asks Twice to do his best to make up for his mistake, and that he’ll be doing his best alongside him. 

Shigaraki understands the feelings of: “If only somebody had saved me” better than anyone else in the manga. This is something that even the kids don’t question. The kids in their complete and unwavering faith in the hero system can’t even respond to questions like “Who should you really be saving?” 

Shigaraki also goes out of his way to save people even after they’ve made mistakes, or betrayed the league. Giran ratted on them and got nearly every member killed, and yet not only did Shigaraki walk right into a trap to save him, he also took special care to make sure he was alive, and rescued safely when he was in the middle of getting pounded. 

The final is also somewhat of a paradox. Shigaraki has been manipulated to think that he hated his family, and  wanted to kill everyone. 

However, all of Shigaraki’s actions show the opposite. Not only does Shigaraki feel guilt for killing his family several years after the fact. Not only did he intentionally hold back his quirk at first because he was afraid of killing again. The words of his family stayed with him. Shigaraki only ever remembers his family in a mostly positive light. 

In his heart, Shigaraki holds himself accountable for what he did to his family even though it was an accident. At the same time, it’s revealed to us in his dream sequence that he already forgives his family for what transpired today, he remembers his grandparents being kind to him, he doesn’t resent his mom for just watching what his family did to him and even reassures her, he tells his sister he doesn’t care that she tattled on him anymore. 

His family is someone he can never forget in both senses of the word. He doesn’t forget the times his family household was kind to him, the genuine love his mother, grandparents, and sister all showed to him, and he hasn’t really stopped mourning them ever for a single moment. He even still keeps Nana’s hand, the last hand that wasn’t broken and wears it after his so called “liberation” from his past memories of them. Yet, at the same time he doesn’t allow his family to deny who he is. 

Shigaraki is someone who has been influenced by people all of ihs life, his abusive father, AFO, and then all of AFO’s constituents and the other villains he’s fought against so far. However, at the same time Shigaraki has remained the same kid throughout all of this. Always Shimura Tenko. Always the kid who wanted to play with the kids who got bullied. Always the kid resentful he didn’t get saved. 

2. Shigaraki is better than what created him

Eri is referred to as a cursed inhuman existence born only to destroy, simply because of the quirk she was born with, completely neglecting who Eri is as a person. Deku however says that just by slightly changing your perspective, you can see how kind and gentle Eri is. 

Shigaraki is a character much like this. The people around him, mostly heroes always insist that he’s inhuman and again and again that he can only want destruction because of his quirk. Yet, the people closest to Shigaraki know how kind, and gentle he can be. 

So we have characters like All Might, Mr. Completely Ignores Endeavor’s abuse of his own family, constantly saying that someone like Shigaraki can’t possibly have a cause for all of his destruction. Ignoring what Shigaraki says when he tells them that heroes can be violent too just like villains, their violence is just categorized differently. 

Shigaraki is continually told he has no reason for wanting to destroy things, that there could be no possible motivation behind his actions. This is something that even AFO himself said, that Shigaraki simply lusted for destruction because he was born that way.

Characters insist again, that Shigaraki isn’t capable of creating anything, or achieving anything because he can only destroy. This is an identity that’s forced on him by his environment ut it’s not who he is at the center of his being. Even when he’s getting the tar beaten out of him by Re-Destro what he thinks is not that he wants to destroy, but rather that he wanted his family to tell him it was okay for him to be a hero.

So we reach the most recent chapter with someone once again asserting that Shigaraki cannot possibly want anything other than to hurt the people around him, and destroy what he can.

Even ENDEAVOR (lol) of all people accuses Shigaraki of not fighting for the right ideals. Yet, Shigaraki has always shown to be fighting for something. 

People insist that Shigaraki was just born that way, that he just wants to destroy. Yet, there are very specific environmental factors that shaped him into who he is. Shigaraki who apparently has no reasons for doing the things he does, has the longest backstory in the series (four origin chapters in total if you count Shigaraki Tomura: Distortion). Shigaraki’s line against Endeavor also implies that Shigaraki has been fighting for the same thing from the start. That he’s always had a cause, something to fight for (or maybe even just fight against) and that he simply believed what other people constantly told him. 

So, no clearly the All For One quirk being given to Shigaraki has not changed who he is as a person at all. Shigaraki’s thoughts always rest with his friends and his family.  Shigaraki’s first literal action upon waking up is to call Machia to his side, and protect the league. Shigaraki’s actions also saved Himiko, because if Machia had not picked her up she likely would have gone on a suicide mission. 

So, there is one last point I want to make: The reason the plan is going so wrong right now is precisely because Shigaraki is someone who chooses again and again to put his trust in others. First, it went wrong because not only did he allow Dabi free reign to invite whoever he wanted to the league, but he also trusted Twice with his location. 

Shigaraki won’t throw Dabi out of the league for saying that he’s only here to use the league for his own benefit, because Shigaraki has always known this about Dabi and lets him work with the league anyway. Shigaraki is someone who puts his allies before themselves and gives them the freedom to be who they want to be. 

Shigaraki has said mutliple times the league can do whatever they want. He’s not really selfishly minded or motivated like AFO is. If anything, Shigaraki is much more likely to sacrifice himself, or put the group’s needs first. The Shigaraki that we’ve seen right now is the same progression of the Shigaraki we’ve always known: he fights on the front lines to draw the heroes away from his friends, he fights himself instead of needlessly risking his own allies, he needs his allies by his side. 

The raid happened because of Shigaraki’s trusting nature twice. Not only because he allowed Dabi to invite Hawks to the league, but also Kurogiri’s capture and betrayal someone Shigaraki was genuinely close to and listened to for counsel led to his location at the hospital being ratted out to both Eraserhead and Mic. So it’s not Shigaraki not trusting others that led to the Hospital Raid, but rather it’s because Shigaraki chose to trust others that this is all happening.

YET, when this happened last time with Overhaul Shigaraki didn’t stop trusting others. He didn’t throw Twice out. His choice back then was to take responsibility and trust Twice even more to fix the mistake he made. Which will likely be his response again. 

Shigaraki also fights against anyone who tries to control or oppress him the same way his father did once. When AFO tries to physically control his own body, he frees himself of the vestiges.

Shigaraki won’t lose his trust in other people, and won’t lose his close relationship with the league, because Shigaraki has already sustained this kind of loss before. Over and over again. He loses most of the Nomus, he loses Magne, he loses AFO. Yet, at those times when he loses these things Shigaraki’s response is always the same. 

Shigaraki is struggling to be better that the environment that created him. Shigaraki’s arc is not one of him losing his humanity, but rather Shigaraki keeping his humanity in the face of constant losses. 

His environment is really truly something that should have robbed him of his humanity. There are people like AFO who are out there to make him into a puppet, to rob him of all agency, and identity. Yet, Shigaraki always fights back against those trying to control him and tell him no.

Shigaraki won’t turn on the league, because his connections with the league are what make him human. It’s his connections with others he makes over and over again in the face of his extremely oppressive environment, first with Kurogiri, then with the league that allows him to stay the same at the core of who he is. 

While Shigaraki is constantly dehumanized by both the hero system and the villains he fights against, he’s actually one of the most human characters in the whole series. Not only is he very sympathetic and understandable where exactly he is coming from, but he’s also always, always, always, always, struggling against a set of very human flaws. 

[teacup-crow]

spiral slowly, screaming

My mental health is always worse when I stop for a while, and I reckon Five is probably the same. CW for a whole lot of anger, self-loathing and some suicidal ideation.

Set between S3M60 and S4M1, spoilers for all of S3. Hurt-comfort. Five starts to process some things. There’s some gentle 5AM. Also, I finally named my main Five in this! Only took three years!

((Title from Before the Breakdown from We Are the Tigers, a very unrelated musical about cheerleading and murder))

It’s a few weeks after the ice cream tower when Five finally unravels at the seams.

They’ve been bright and shiny and happy ever since, wrapped up in Sam’s excitement about the idea of the baby, in the soft relief that blankets the township as loved ones, confused but no longer mind-controlled, begin to return to themselves. In the first breath of peace that comes after war, Five smiles. They smile until their jaw aches. They smile, not in the twisted grimace She put on their face, but in genuine joy. At least, they think it’s genuine.

But now, a mile out from Abel, their face suddenly drops, and they stop walking.

“Five?” Sam asks. He’s not over comms, but at their elbow, breathless. “All good?”

They’re not far from the forest of fallen runners. Not far from where they finally, last week, laid Three’s armband to rest. Between there and here, there’s a trickling river, only shin height in the dappled summer afternoon. When Five was a child, they went wading in streams like these. They’d spend all their free time outside, wandering the parks and the scraggy woods and the boarded up town centre aimlessly, building forts, crossing rivers on stepping stones, trespassing. All skills that have come in handy since. The memories are a little hazy, a tad unclear, like someone’s rifled through them and put them back in the wrong order. They untie their shoelaces. Why are they out here? It’s hard to recall even leaving Abel, what mission they’re on, when they started.

“What are you doing?”

He has a gun with him, and they both know it. Of course, it’s stupid to leave Abel without any sort of weapon, but Sam has never carried anything more than a butterfly knife and a hockey stick before, so the gun isn’t for zoms.

He has it in case Five snaps. In case they try anything. In case they hurt him again.

They step into the water.

Five has always worn many different faces with different people. With superiors they were serious, dependable, reliable; with their Runners, funny and fair and firm. Sometimes with Sam - times like this, ankle deep in a rippling brook - they don’t have to be anyone. And that sounds like bliss, but really, it forces them to figure out who they are when they’re not being anyone else.

“You’re going to get your shorts wet,” he says, a tad anxious. “Shouldn’t we be getting back?”

As it turns out, who they are when they’re not being anyone else isn’t someone they like. That’s why they use this number, isn’t it? So that they don’t forget. So they don’t slip back into being reckless, feckless, worthless Rory Jeavons. Rory Jeavons who could never hold down a job. Rory Jeavons who could never pass an exam. Five has purpose, meaning, friends. Five is a symbol; Rory was nothing.

Well, Five only had those things before She stripped them away, so the difference these days is harder to spot.

They sit. The water is cool, and laps their stomach. There’s birdsong in the forest. The world is a little bit fuzzy, although they’re not sure why until Sam says-

“-are you crying?”

He’s crouched on the riverbank, the toes of his pumps curling in the mud. He has size twelve feet, and comfy, fitting shoes are hard to come by, but Five found these for him in a burnt out Brantano and he’s tried to avoid wearing them down by cutting out his habit of scuffing his heels as he walks. If Five just focuses on those shoes, they won’t have to think. The shoes. The water. The stones underneath them. Birds in the distance. Shoes, stones, water, birds. Don’t think.

Shoes, stones, water, birds. The teenage boy on the Laetitia Greenwald, skimming pebbles on the sea, a fat gull arcing and swooping over his head. He wore hi-tops in still-luminous colours, clearly a prized possession. They see his face, a second before the explosion. They see a hi-top with a calf still attached, sinking below the ocean surface, sinking down for a long time.

“Five…” Sam’s voice is far away, and muffled, although they know on some level that he’s in the river too, now, that his hands are on their shoulders. Doesn’t he know they don’t like to be touched? They kick, and try to scream, but no sound comes out, and somehow they don’t have the energy to fight as his fingers dig in and he drags them, coughing and spluttering, onto the bank. The splashing finally makes those birds scatter back into the trees. The gull, circling away in smoke.

“What the hell was that?!” He demands as they cough and retch and wheeze the filth of the river back out again. He’s panting, white pumps covered in slime. “Are you trying to kill yourself?!”

When they don’t reply, he repeats the question gently. A-are you trying to kill yourself?

Five rubs their mouth with the back of their hand, and starts to laugh, the sound still a little watery, then hoarse and unpleasant and lacking all mirth. Isn’t every Runner trying to do that somewhere deep down?

“...Rory, you’re scaring me.”

That should snap them out of this, their real name handled with so much care on the tip of his tongue. The fear in his eyes should make them want to protect him, and the best way to protect him is to get far, far away, because they’re the one who hurt him. They’ve hurt him once, so they could do it again. The fear in his eyes is justified.

It shouldn’t make them so angry.

“C’mon, let’s go home. It’s not far. We can both grab a shower and you can maybe just talk about it for a while with Maxine, yeah?”

No. “Leave me here,” they sign in shaking hands.

“I promise, that’s not going to happen-“

“You should leave me here.”

He frowns. He’s so happy, Sam. Of course, not all the time, but his mind doesn’t crawl into the darkest possible shadows when he leaves it unsupervised for a moment. He doesn’t split himself into a thousand shards for a thousand different situations. He is whole, and he wholeheartedly believes that things will get better.

“You need to come home, Runner Five. Janine’s orders.” He feigns seriousness to match his furrowed brow. Five steps back.

“I wish I’d died on that boat.”

He turns cold for the first time at that, a beat of silence between them as a cloud breaks the warmth of the sunlight.

“No. No. None of us get to say that, okay? Being alive is a gift. You don’t get to wish it away. And sometimes it’s awful, and it’s hard, but you keep going for all the ones who didn’t make it. You keep going because they fought for you to survive. You keep going for Sara Smith and Archie Jensen and, bloody hell, you keep going for Simon!”

“You don’t understand!” They vocalise it, try to shout, but the words are barely more than a whisper. They’re going to hit something, they’re going to scream, something, something, something. The rage inside them feels like it’s sparking, waiting to find touchpaper, to catch light.

“I understand that you’re trying to process the truly horrible things that you’ve been through in the last few weeks.” He sighs. “No, the last few years, and that’s okay. I know you’re angry. I know you’re frightened of yourself. And I know I don’t know the half of it, but Five… I’m not letting you go. I’m not giving up on you just because you’re struggling.”

He’s crouching again, his arms outstretched and non-threatening. They could push him into the water and take the gun from his waistband in one fell swoop-and-run. Then what? Move into one of Simon’s old hidey-holes, or roam the hills like Tom de Luca carving words into their skin, or run right over the cliffs and fly for just a moment? Sam would never catch them, never find them, and eventually he’d move on. He’s strong enough.

“Please, just come home with me.”

“I can’t. I don’t deserve it.” And, because he’ll refuse to accept that truth, they’ll give him one he can’t refute. “I’m not… I’m not safe to be around.”

Broken people just break everything they touch, even when trying to be made new. Didn’t Si teach them that?

Sam’s eyes are sparkling with tears. “Please, Rory.”

“I can’t,” they try again, but their knees are already buckling with exhaustion, and they’re falling into his arms. All they can do for a while is sob.

[roominthecastle]

“I want something to eat, a bit of company. || I do sometimes wonder what it is that you actually want.”

The way Claes plays Dracula throughout -- including as an old man -- is that immense power is done as presumption. And the presumption come across as, “I don’t have to take you seriously. I can swat you like a fly anytime I like but for now, you‘re amusing me so let’s just carry on chatting.” And then at a certain point he doesn’t care anymore and just goes, “F**k it.” He’s just not bothering [with pretenses] anymore. That flippancy becomes menacing and sadistic. It’s a demonstration that he really doesn’t regard anybody as a threat. That’s quite difficult to deal with. And if he’s gonna kill you, he’d quite like to have a nice chat with you first. And when that’s done, he’ll snap your neck.

Dracula likes the Duchess. We had to cut it for time but there was a lovely bit where he says he couldn’t bear the idea of her going to England and living on benefits or some such. He didn’t like that idea, he was offended by it. It is sort of sentimental but it doesn’t mean he is kind. He is sentimental in the sense that, as we find out, he has met her before when she was 18 and he killed her mother. And then he finds her again and gives her a good death -- he joins those two things up. To him, in a way, it’s like “Oh, I remember that, it was last week.” but in the intervening time she’s aged 70 years. But he takes her for one last dance. She wouldn’t necessarily agree that’s a good death but in his point of view, there are all these little mayflies around him clinging to their pointless lives far past their value: “What difference does it make if I kill you today or tomorrow. You die anyway.” He has genuine affection and appreciation for all her memories and the life she’s led. So he enjoys her company and then drinks her blood.

At some level, he feels condemned to life but he does attempt to entertain himself all the time and he’s capable of valuing entertainment. For instance, he never just jumps Agatha. At any point. He never does. He could just grab her but he’d rather have a chat first. He seizes any moment of stimulation and interest and excitement. But there are some sort of Groundhog Day things going on. Early stages we talked about, just as a sort of backstory, that maybe Dracula spent a century being good just to see what it’s like. Maybe – because he talks to Harker about it – he tried suicide but it doesn’t work. Maybe he absolutely reached the end thinking, “I can’t do this anymore.” but “oh God, I can’t die.” And then you make the decision to go on but then that must be fueled by something different: “I need more of me.” And then it becomes an obsession, it becomes a mission, and over centuries you forget where you came from. And so you forget that actually the sunlight is fine. It all becomes an armour of shame.

Dracula is obsessed with survival. Lucy is nihilistic. That’s a flavor he’s never really tasted before and he sort of envies the ability to be okay with death, which he isn’t. He certainly finds that flavor seductive but he wasn’t necessarily working out why. It’s Zoe/Agatha -- “Zagatha” as we call her -- who figures out the connection that binds all this together: he knows he is a warlord who’s afraid to die. And that means he is trying to hide from himself. He lives like a scuttling rat. He wouldn’t stand in the sunlight. He wouldn’t look himself in the mirror. He wants to be invited in, he does not wish to be despised. All those dreadful things he’s built around himself that aren’t even true -- they are just in him. These rules and habits become fetishes. He’s forgotten himself and what [the rules are] all about. And in a way, we tried to give this a solution.

Fear of the cross was such a technical one. Dracula knows he is debasing himself to avoid death and there is the symbol of “die for your beliefs” and he can’t. He finds it hard to look at. He watched his own sons die in battle and he couldn’t. It’s a very powerful idea, what that might do to you. This mighty man, this amazing warlord defeated the Turk and did all these amazing things but he got this curse, this contagion, and the only thing he couldn’t do was to die a proper death. He just talks the talk. This is Agatha’s revelation while she is dying herself. He wants to have the courage to die. “Zagatha” says, “You want to defeat death but the only way to defeat death is to face it without fear.” Now that’s unfortunate. The only way to defeat death is to actually die. And that’s what he does at the end. He gets his act together, he goes into battle and he dies.

We were very happy with that as an ending. Dracula is a very hard character to kill but he certainly found a resolution, let’s put it that way. It felt very moving when he was lying across “Zagatha” on the table, drinking her blood. There was a sort of full-stop-ness to “You didn’t think I’d let it hurt, did you?” It was such an iron process of not revealing that that story is happening. I think everyone who watches goes, “Hang on. Those two. Those two, there is something weird there.” But it’s not acknowledged, really, until the very end. And indeed when he says it, “After all this time, did you think I’d let it hurt?”, you know. Of course he wouldn’t. So it’s rather sweet. I like it. He finally does actually bend a little. Claes does a lovely delivery on the line “You’re in pain.” And she says, “I’m equal to it.” But she doesn’t notice that what he says is, “You’re in pain.” He’s aware of somebody else’s pain for the first time as a bad idea. And being aware of somebody else’s pain is surely the gateway drug to morality. It’s not morality itself but it’s just the beginning of “somebody else suffering? I don’t like it. At least I don’t like that person suffering.” We liked that. We are sentimental. Love can redeem anyone.

--- Dracula commentary by Mark Gatiss & Steven Moffat [x] [x] [x]

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,9). part 1

You know it’s real when kyo is given monologue right from the beginning! It rarely happens that he’s allowed any!, but when he does, it hits like a wild wave changing everything. The story is never the same after each time he’s given inner-talk. Forever changing the dynamics, the secrets & the relationships. e.g. true form ep.

Kyo’s love confession:

The sweetest, most tender love confession from the character that started the show fighting & screaming! The one that hated himself the most! now loves his name, only cuz she said it! “a special ring to it”. the guy who couldn’t look at her face, will repeat stupid things over “if it made you smile”. “Since when did I started” falling in love with you? the show goes on to show us various moment from as early as ep,4 & throughout seasons & scenes! he doesn’t know! We, the viewers, also don’t know when he started loving her!! we kinda gradually~ normally~ unknowingly~ fell in love with them together. The show opened this heavy ep filled with first-hand experience & steps on how Akito destroyed his victim... ouch! well-played, furuba! well-played.

The location: An empty room, no furniture, small, suffocating. The abuser sits far, then slowly walks towards the prey until there’s no space. But not before causing  physical pain to reassure dominance over the victim.

STEP 1: (The BET).

Kyo in his attempts to fight his destiny has met up with Akito prior to the beginning of the story, to defy him. Akito cleverly traps kyo into a bet manipulating his desire to break away from his fate. you said, YOU can fight your destiny? ok. I’ll let you. If you win against yuki, I’ll let you be free. easy, right? kyo this is your chance to prove yourself to yourself! just practice & win a stupid match. EASY! except it isn’t. The rat is superior to the cat. Your trials are in vain. you’ll NEVER rise up to anything except a failure. Try for three years! so generous of Akito! 36 months! you only need to win once! But you WON’T EVER! planting a toxic seed that eats away the victim’s self-esteem, hope & desire. Give him the chance to believe in himself then CRUSH IT. Once kyo fails, he’ll never believe in himself again. The bet is now cancelled before the third year even begins! one year & a half of failure is enough. You LOST. The Directing was phenomenal! The scene is shot in shades of sickening green, with underwater feel, like kyo is drowning deep in Akito’s abuse. Akito was shown from kyo’s perspective. Distorted, scary & demonic. like a monster..

STEP 2: (the past)

Taunting kyo with selective words that hit exactly were it hurts the most, using affirmative sentences in calm authoritative tone, alluding to facts.“cuz you’re a monster, ur mom is dead” “it was ur fault” “u killed ur mom”. Akito painted kyo’s mom in martyr light. giving birth to a monster, admirably protecting & raising him. Her reward? DEATH due to immense pressure from being WITH him. Extra step: painting kyo as the unforgivable & unappreciative son “ her son didn’t even mourn her” cuz kyo didn’t cry in front of others in her funeral. all these words carved his psyche like daggers extracting buried memories of his dad doing like Akito. YOU caused ur mom grief. the memory is now crystal clear. His mom walking slowly with open arms towards death. Giving kyo her back knowing he’s there. choosing to abandon & leave him. cuz it is HIM that is too much to bear. it is HIM that she’s escaping from.

STEP 3: (the present)

“you should’ve died”, “if you didn’t exist EVERYONE would be happy” This everyone in particular destroyed kyo way more than Akito ever planned for. Everyone includes the present. Everyone includes ppl who aren’t sohma-related. Everyone includes a happy mother & daughter. Everyone includes kyoko & tohru. It is NOW that kyo crashes, falls, loses & bends. Kyoko is the nail in his coffin. Akito lets go of kyo’s hand. Mission accomplished.

-Miscalculation in Akito’s plan: (tohru)

Akito unwittingly ruins her plan by mentioning tohru. her triumphant smile disappears & her authoritative powerful voice turns into childish screams to silence kyo, pathetically covering her ears. This drastic shift in power resulted only by mentioning tohru. Realizing that tohru was used as tool for whatever reason gave kyo strength to stand up & defend her. how dare you call her a monster? how dare you call her an angel? NO. she is but a human. A kind soul. That stayed WITH me regardless of all my ugliness inside & outside. WHY? who does that? Who gives & never takes? the foolish traveler.

The foolish traveler’s role in liberating & confiding kyo:

In momiji’s story, the foolish traveler gives the monster her life & dies. Tohru gave kyo her presence. She did NOT heal him or fade the ugliness away. NO. She didn’t treat his trauma. NO. she doesn’t even know abt his mom’s suicide!! she ONLY gave him her presence. She stayed with the monster. WHY? cuz she is a foolish person filled with kindness not wanting anything in return. But what happened to the the foolish traveler at the end of momiji’s story? she died. again DEATH surrounds kyo. If this foolish traveler stays with him death awaits her. History has proven kyo’s company lethal. the cat has cursed his most beloved ppl into death & harm. his dad, mom, kyoko. This story made kyo realize his romantic love to tohru & tragically made him understand the possible sad ending.

Akito’s Rebound:

Akito sizes the chance, strikes back & regains power. Like a hungry monster smelling fear! “ do u think u have the right to fall in love with someone?” “do u think you’re allowed?” Kyoko, reinforcing Akito’s words.”I won’t forgive you”. you, the monster knows love?? “who’s the real villain” you, the killer! “who’s the one who involved her the most” You, the most cursed! “it’s best if you are gone”.” I KNOW!” ,kyo said.

The fighter gives up:

“it was me”. every negative thought kyo has is reinforced by a past experience from someone in his life. Akito blackmails kyo into accepting his confinement in exchange of NOT harming tohru. It is becuz kyo finally loved someone enough to want to EXIST in this word that he finally stops fighting. He fought for years for himself. Now, he’ll give up for another person. Tohru’s love liberated him from hating himself enough to die or take his hatred on someone else, but, her love also imprisoned him into thinking he’ll never be worthy for her. His first thought upon seeing her is “ I want to be with u forever” but once again “ kyoko shows up reminding him” i wont forgive you” How can kyo wish to be with her? his entire trauma is against it. does he has the guts to rip tohru’s smile once he confess abt the past? What does he expect tohru to say once she knows? How would tohru react? he’ll scar her forever more than she’s already scarred. Those scars that she hides oh so well from others will become tragically apparent once he confess. So, No, kyo. Spare her the pain. who are you anyway? a mere monster that everyone will be happy if you disappeared” “why didn’t my mom kill me?” “she should’ve killed me” If she did.. then tohru would’ve been happy with her mom. “Why am I still alive?”

Kyo’s precious flower:

love is against logic. Logic says stay away from tohru & spare her ur unworthy existence. Love says look for her! love makes you run to her! love makes you want to see her first thing after getting out of the that room. love says cherish her, be around, stay with her. Love says she needs you! yes, the unworthy monster has been loved before! way before tohru!. Kazuma flashes in his mind & brings hope, Kyoko, flashes with a kind smile, teasing him, I see different hair styles, maybe repeatedly meeting kyo, love reminded kyo of the friend-kyoko! who recognized his loneliness, patted his head, reached out to him, she told him abt the tiny flower, showed him her most precious treasure. These ppl treated him as a human! NOT a monster, kazuma, kyoko & tohru, love opened his eyes to see the light amidst the darkness, the warmth of the sunset after the depth of suffocation. He won’t give up on life. NO, he wants to LIVE, to LOVE & to give back! he now knows that his existence isn’t completely worthless! he was there for tohru. he has already given her back time after time since they’ve met, he knows that! he made her smile, he saw her! the real her! tiny, foolish & oh so precious!  By the time he reached her he was able to genuinely smile from his heart! yes, he can smile cuz she’s with him now. He doesn’t care anymore abt the disgusting sohma & their curse. He only cares abt her. he won’t trample his precious flower, “ i once hoped to be always together, far away” to “ make you my own” But NO. he can’t hurt her with the painful memories, he’ll treat her with utmost respect, care & love until its time to say goodbye. quietly exiting from her life. As long as she’s not harmed. As long as her smile stays, so, he’ll stay with her together,” until we’re separated far apart”

[yoongimingle]

Parallels | Chapter 6

Synopsis: What if BTS weren’t famous? An AU where 7 men in their 20s are all on different paths in life, but there are parallels in their separate lives that lead them to crossing paths again and again. They’re 7 men who all just really need a friend, and end up with 6 friends that make life a bit less miserable.OR7 boys are super angsty and need some comfort in life which they all provide through various chance meetings.

Tags: suicide, minor character death

Author note: okay I'm warning now, this chapter is HEAVY, as clear from the tags. I just finished writing it and even I feel sad when it's not even real, so proceed with caution but know I didn't go into a ton of detail for obvious reasons <3

Masterlist!

Hoseok

Operation: figure out what’s going on with Jimin. Hoseok decided this mission begins today, and he’s determined. Jimin has been acting off at random points of the day and he swears to Hoseok that everything is fine but Hoseok just knows it isn’t, and today the truth will come out, somehow. Hoseok hasn’t thought it through, but it will happen for sure. Jimin can’t hide it anymore.

Hoseok sits at his desk, working away while waiting for Jimin to return from teaching a morning class. It’s 10:05am and Jimin should be back any minute now, hopefully in a low mood again so Hoseok can catch him feeling vulnerable enough to own up about what’s going on. He just wants to help.

“Hey,” Jimin says quietly as he enters the room, shrugging the bag off his shoulder and hanging it on a hook by the office door. Hoseok leans back in his chair with narrowed eyes.

“Good class?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Jimin murmurs, eyes ever so slightly red again, a regular occurrence now. Of course Hoseok can’t just say ‘I know you’ve been crying, why?’ Jimin would leap into defensive mode faster than Hoseok could process.

“Sure?” he quizzes. Jimin sniffs quietly, very obviously trying to pick his mood back up quickly.

“Of course!” he smiles in a fake way that would have Hoseok fooled as genuine if he wasn’t so suspicious. Jimin strolls to the coffee machine behind the desk to start brewing, holding an empty cup up as to ask Hoseok if he wants one, who nods in response. Still watching Jimin’s body language carefully. His shoulders aren’t relaxed, they’re tensed up like he’s just been involved in confrontation.

Confrontation.

“Hey, so,” Hoseok begins as he gladly accepts the hot cup of coffee from Jimin, who perches down next to him, “you getting along with the other dance instructors?” Jimin’s breath hitched ever so slightly. Bingo.

“Aw, yeah, they’re so nice,” he lies happily, focusing on sipping his coffee to avoid any eye contact with Hoseok who feels a small sense of progress having been made, and places his coffee down to continue working while he ponders his next move. Jimin opens the laptop in front of him on his portion of the desk, now competent enough to get on with most of the required business owner admin jobs, practically splitting Hoseok’s workload in half which is a relief.

“Let’s have a half day today,” Hoseok announces randomly, Jimin turns to face him slowly, eyebrows raised in questioning confusion.

“You what?”

“I mean it, we work too hard, we can knock off at lunchtime today and go do something fun. I have a job for you to do this morning but as long as you do it by say 1 o’clock we can leave then and enjoy the day together,” he smiles smugly.

“Where’s this come from?”

“Nowhere,” Hoseok shrugs, “just think we both deserve it.” Not a complete lie, whatever Jimin’s going through is clearly weighing him down, and if it’s work confrontation related like Hoseok now believes then Jimin really does deserve the break. He’ll take him to the mall, show him a fun time, then they can get a milkshake and Hoseok will ask him what’s happening with the other dance instructors.

Jimin’s mood picks up and a genuine brightness fills his eyes, “okay deal, what’s the job you need doing?”

Hoseok pulls up the emails on his computer and sends Jimin some document attachments. “I need you to make a job advertisement, I’ve emailed you instructions on how to do it. You just need to put it together and post it on jobsites. Everything is in the email.”

Jimin opens the email on his laptop and browses all of the information.

“An accountant?” he asks curiously.

“Yeah,” Hoseok drawls, “I’ve been doing my own bookkeeping up until this point and honestly I’m tired of it, the amount of time I spend doing it is less cost effective than paying someone to do it faster and better than me, I lose so many hours in the day trying to figure it all out when I could be doing other things.”

“Makes sense, so when I finish this we’ll go? Even if it’s not quite 1 o’clock?” Jimin smiles hopefully.

Hoseok laughs, “I sense someone is a bit cocky about how easy they think it is to post a job advertisement online.”

“Am not,” Jimin retorts, already busy on his laptop reading all of the instructions for this task so he can get straight on it.

After a few hours and many frustrated noises from Jimin, Hoseok watches in amusement as the boy fumbles about with this job advertisement at 1:14pm. Smirking to himself at being proved right.

“Having troubles?” He smiles sweetly. Jimin returns an overly sweet, fake smile in jest, making Hoseok lean back in his chair to laugh.

“I didn’t realise how much nonsense there is to fill out when posting these adverts,” Jimin admits quietly, desperately working through each blank field to get to the bottom of the page to press the post button. Hoseok smiles fondly at his friend, then logs out of his own computer to get ready to go. Seeing as he could tell that Jimin is almost done with the job ad. He gets up and attempts a quick tidy up of his desk before gathering his things and walking over to the window to look out at the city while waiting for Jimin. The view is pretty good from up here, the building isn’t incredibly tall but it’s big, and the office blocks are raised higher than the rest of the building, giving him the view. Hoseok looks out into the jungle of buildings, pondering where to put a second academy one day because no doubt he’ll open another one as soon as financially viable, it’s profitable to have one in another part of the city so more clientele can travel to it easily.

“Done,” Jimin announces proudly, Hoseok claps in mock patronisation earning a disapproving pout from Jimin.

“Well done, Jiminie. Come on, let's go out and have some fun,” Hoseok gestures to Jimin to hurry up and follow him out. The pair leave the office and go down to the main portion of the building. It’s adorned with a lot of fake plants, even fake trees, and some benches for sitting. The front desk is big and modern, and a couple of dance teachers are standing next to it, leaning on the counter as they chat with the ladies working behind the reception.

“Hey, me and Jimin are heading off early to enjoy the rest of the day. You two both have my number if you need anything,” Hoseok gestures to the two instructors.

“Oh yeah? Where are you two off to?” Daeyeol asks cheerily, Jimin shifts uncomfortably on the spot.

“Just to the mall,” Hoseok nods slowly, watching Jimin in his peripheral vision. Is he onto something here? Was it one of these two?

“The mall?” Daeyeol asks with a look of thought, “was it just the one class today, Jimin?”

Jimin shuffles on the spot, playing with his hands, “yeah.”

Hoseok’s plan is working before even fully actioning it, this was definitely the right idea. Something’s up with him and Daeyeol; it’s so obvious to him now. Why couldn’t he see before?

“Wow, lucky for some!” Daeyeol jests, patting Jimin on the back overenthusiastically, “well have a great day you two!”

“You too, Dae,” Hoseok mutters with a chuckle, making eye contact with Jimin and nodding towards the door. Jimin waves in fake happiness at the dance teachers before following Hoseok out to the car and they hop in to begin the journey to the nearest shopping centre.

Jimin sticks his hand out of the car window cheerfully, basking in the breeze from the open window in the midst of a hot summer. “This was a good idea.”

“That’s me, full of good ideas,” Hoseok chirps, one arm propped up on the car window ledge. Even though this is mainly a plan to get Jimin to open up- most likely about Daeyeol- Hoseok is truly having a good time already in his friend's company. It feels freeing to leave work like this, it’s the beauty of being a business owner. Not that he’s ever done this before, but it’s nice to remember that he can just leave work and enjoy the day providing all the work is done.

Jimin had done a good job on the advert too, now it was just the waiting game for applications and then the annoying task of interviewing candidates and hiring. Hoseok already knew he wasn’t going to be too fussy about who he hires for this role, as long as they have accounting experience they’ll do the job just fine.

They arrive at the large shopping centre and Hoseok finds a space to park quickly in the vast car park, buried in the midst of a sea of cars. It’s fortunate that his car stands out so much, because it means he can always find it in a car park.

The pair make their way into the mall, entering through the giant automatic doors to be greeted by a large jungle of people all going about their shopping happily. Hoseok pushes his sunglasses onto his head as they enter and begin to walk. Hoseok has always liked malls, they have a good vibe. A trip to the mall was a 50% shopping affair, 50% social affair, and there was always some sort of food involved that you wouldn’t usually eat day to day. Not to mention that once you’d purchased what you need- if you were even there with a purpose- you’d end up buying things for yourself purely for the novelty.

The friends enjoy a little while of general window shopping and browsing, fulfilling the obligatory need to just mess about a little too. They play a game in an overpriced clothes store where they both guess the price of a simple piece of clothing and would be shocked every time it’s way more expensive than they guess. Jimin comments about how he keeps forgetting that Hoseok could probably afford to buy one of everything in this store which makes Hoseok laugh humbly. Feeling like he’s truly fulfilling his goals of not being ‘the rich friend’. He hates being that friend with a passion, he just wants to be Hobi, the friend. The funny friend, the down to earth friend. He likes that Jimin even forgets that he’s rich, it means he must be doing something right and that Jimin’s here for genuine friendship.

After a solid hour of fun and laughing, Hoseok suggests a milkshake break. Feigning about how it’s one of those things you just need to do when you go to the mall, but really he just wants to get Jimin to sit with him during a wholesome day and open up while his mood is high.

Hoseok arrives at their table with a delicious looking milkshake in each hand and places the pink one in front of Jimin and chocolate in his own spot at the table, he sits down and clasps his hands together in front of him on the table, taking a long sip of the sweet drink.

“This is a fun day, right?” he asks the smaller boy, and he can’t resist smiling about how much he looks like a child, sitting there sipping the pink milkshake innocently with bright eyes. Jimin nodded enthusiastically, mouth still around the straw.

“Yeah thanks for this,” he beams. Hoseok bites his lip and utters a soft ‘you’re welcome, Jiminie’.

Hoseok thinks for a minute, trying to approach the topic without it seeming obvious that it was planned. Hoping that having fun for a while alleviated any suspicions. Jimin seems to be having an innocently fun time so it seems like it worked.

“Hey so, when we were leaving earlier I sensed some tension between you and Daeyeol? Wanna talk about anything?” Jimin tensed up at Hoseok’s query, losing eye contact quickly to stare at his milkshake like it’s suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jimin mutters, stirring the drink with his straw.

“Yes you do,” Hoseok argues, determined to get some truth out of him. Jimin huffs, taking another sip of milkshake to stall time, most likely realising he’s been caught out.

“Look, it doesn’t matter it’s just stupid and you’re too busy, I’m not going to bother you with it. Me and Daeyeol are big boys, we can handle it,” Jimin stirs his drink again awkwardly.

“Oh you can handle it? Is that why you come back up to the office all teary?” Hoseok says honestly, making heat rise to Jimin’s cheeks in embarrassment, turning them a hot pink. “Jiminie, I don’t mean to interrogate you but I wasn’t born yesterday. I own a company, and I see everything. I’ve known something’s been wrong for a while and as much as I’m your friend I’m also your boss. And as your- and Daeyeol’s- boss, I need to know what’s going on. So please talk freely, we’re in a safe space here.”

“Is that why you brought me here? To butter me up to get me to talk? You’re my best friend until it’s suddenly convenient to pull the boss card?” Jimin snaps, Hoseok scoffs and Jimin instantly recoils backwards, realising what he just said. “Sorry,” he whispers.

“Hey!” Hoseok snaps back, “I brought you here to have a nice time and also a much needed heart to heart with my friend. I’m not playing any cards, I’ve got a business to run and if something’s going on I need to know, so don’t you dare pull that one on me,” Hoseok knows he can be scary when he gets annoyed, mostly because it’s so rare. He doesn’t mean to be harsh, and Jimin already knows he said the wrong thing anyway.

“I know, I don’t know why I said that,” Jimin admits.

Hoseok sighs, “let's start again, yeah? I’ll forget all about that because I really am your friend, and I realise you’re feeling sensitive about whatever this is.”

“Thank you,” Jimin says timidly, still avoiding eye contact.

“So, Jimin, I can sense some tension between you and Daeyeol, want to talk to me about it?”

Jimin nods slowly, going back to stirring his milkshake shyly. Hoseok extends his hands out in a gesture to say ‘talk’, and Jimin takes a deep breath.

“I’m warning you now it’s incredibly stupid, but...Daeyeol’s a bully. He acts so cold to me all the time, and then acts overly sweet with me in front of other people. I ended up alone in a room with him once and it was horrible. I've avoided him ever since and just have to deal with cold remarks in passing, and I’m sick of it, it’s getting me down. I’m trying to pretend it’s not happening but it’s killing my mood constantly,” Jimin explains, Hoseok sits and nods in understanding. It’s all starting to make sense now, coming together like a jigsaw puzzle. There were just a few pieces missing now.

“I’m sorry he’s like that, I didn’t know you were dealing with that,” he sympathises. “What did he say when you were alone with him?”

“Uh, I don’t know if I should say, might be slander or something I don’t know, or I’ll feel like a snitch,” Jimin mumbles, looking down at his hands.

“Are you officially reporting this to your boss Hoseok or are you just telling your friend Hobi off the record at the mall, outside of work?”

“So you won’t do anything?”

“Not actively, no, but I’ll keep a close eye on Daeyeol quietly,” Hoseok explains, reassuring Jimin that he can talk.

“Well, he said that I can’t just walk in here and think that I’m special because you decided to make me your new pet and that he’s surprised I’m not wearing a collar and barking for you. Also he said that you’ll drop and replace me faster than you could replace your Porsche. And that you’ve forgotten about the instructors that have been working for years, oh and he wants a raise,” it was all pouring out now, and Hoseok is angry.

“Seriously?”

“And then he told me to get the fuck out,” Jimin adds pettily. Hoseok can tell that Jimin’s been desperate to release this bottled up information, and honestly it’s worse than he expected. Where did this all come from? He’s been nothing but good to Dae and the rest of the staff, is he the only one thinking like this? Is this what they talk about in the staff room? Daeyeol is a gossip, he must be conferring with the other instructors about this, surely.

“Thank you for telling me,” Hoseok sighs, kind of wishing Jimin would complain about this to him officially, on record, but he knows that’s an awkward position to put him in. He’s just frustrated that he can’t do anything with this information unless he hears it himself. Could he set it up? If he gets Jimin to deliver coffee to Daeyeol again and he can listen from outside, then enter the room saying he heard something happen while walking past. Daeyeol will know it’s a set up, but he can’t prove he was set up.

“It feels good to have told you,” Jimin admits.

“See! I knew it would, it’s always better to talk,” Hoseok tries not to feel too hurt by the things his staff say about him, he knows he has to be objective as a business owner, he just wishes he could be everyone’s friend. He really thought he gave that vibe off, though, he thought he really was everyone’s friend. This is a harsh reminder that apart from Jimin, who really is a close friend, he’s really just a boss.

“So what now?” Jimin asks.

“We’ll sort this out, we’ll have to be smart about it, but I promise he won’t get away with treating you like that, Jiminie.”

Jin

Taehyung’s sofa is definitely too small for Jin to sleep on, he can feel the ache in his neck from the awkward position he slept in, but he doesn’t care. It’s better than being home. He stretches his legs out so his feet are now dangling over the end of the small sofa.

“Morning sunshine,” Taehyung mumbles tiredly, padding barefoot through the small living area to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Morning,” Jin returns, peeling off the sofa and joining Taehyung in the kitchen area to make coffee.

“Are you working today?” Taehyung asks, refilling the bottle of water from the tap to put back in the fridge to chill again, on the same wavelength as Jin: that bottled water is too expensive when you make the kind of money they do.

“I’m not, for once!”

“No way, Jin finally has an off day,” Taehyung says groggily, voice low and husky.

“He does indeed, what about you?” Jin asks.

“Later. We’re filming nighttime scenes tonight so we will be working after dark, it’s extra money too because of the hours” Taehyung explains. Jin nods along, happy to hear his friend will be making much needed extra cash tonight. He waits for his coffee to brew so he can pour a large mug of caffeine to wake himself up more.

After pouring, he sets the coffee down on the small dining table and goes to the sofa to grab his phone and bring it back to the table to check. One text from his Mother.

‘I love you’ it reads. Sent very late last night, no wonder he missed it. Random, she doesn’t usually text him nice things like that.

Things had been rather sensitive recently with the money, and Jin doesn’t want to feel angry about it, so he replies with a quick ‘I love you too’, wondering if she managed to pay those men off. She must have done it. He pulls up his bank account statement on his phone, seeing his savings at a glaring zero and acknowledging that she must have done as he instructed, which was paid the men and then used the rest to get by while Jin stays at Taehyung’s for a while.

Jin sits at the table to begin sipping the fresh coffee, Taehyung joins him at the table in the seat opposite, elbow on the table, resting his chin tiredly on his hand.

“Should I check on her?” he asks Taehyung, whose eyes are beginning to close again, he doesn’t look like he slept so well last night. Jin hopes it isn’t because of him.

“Your Mother?” Taehyung asks bleakly, eyes still shut.

“Yeah.”

Taehyung opens his eyes, “I mean, that’s up to you, but I think you should. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want but maybe dropping in would be a good idea, she’s still your Mother after all,” Taehyung says thoughtfully. Jin knows Taehyung is estranged from his own parents and realises he shouldn’t take his Mother for granted, regardless of how much she’s put him through.

“You’re right. Will you come with me? I can’t get sucked into staying there if you’re waiting for me to come back here with you,” Jin reasons.

“Sure,” Taehyung smiles, he immediately gets up and disappears into his bedroom to get ready, leaving Jin to get ready in the lounge.

Jin takes his coffee over to the sofa and places it on the coffee table so he can find something to wear in the bag he had packed quickly. Black jeans and a pink t-shirt were pretty much all available so he slips into the outfit quickly before necking the now warm coffee so he can go to the bathroom and brush his teeth.

Jin goes back into the living room and takes a seat on the small sofa to wait for Taehyung to be ready. He pulls out his phone to check his bank account once more, staring depressingly at the big fat zero in his savings account, mentally convincing himself that it needed to be used. It just sucks so much. He had worked so hard for that money, slaving away at the restaurant for years, now he’s back at square one.

Taehyung emerges from his bedroom, looking presentable enough and grabbing his shoes to slip them on. Jin follows suit and grabs his shoes too, holding the sofa for balance as he slips some trainers on, laces already tied.

“Bus is in 10 minutes,” Taehyung waves his phone, signalling that he checked the timetable already. Jin hums in agreement and follows Taehyung out of the apartment and to the bus stop that’s pretty much just outside of Taehyung’s apartment.

The two wait patiently for the bus, the summer breeze blowing their unstyled hair a little. Jin feels relieved to not be at work for a day, no doubt Sunghoon will text him later during lunch rush wanting help, but Jin got better at saying no recently. Besides, his savings are wiped anyway, overtime feels even more depressing now considering that. Considering there’s no goal anymore, nothing to work for, nothing to live for. He sweeps those thoughts under the rug, he can’t keep thinking like that, he has Taehyung now, plus 5 other friends who he has his entire life to get to know and become close with.

The bus arrives after 8 minutes of waiting and the pair get on, happy that there’s two free seats next to each other seeing as it’s not a peak travel time right now, being late morning and all.

“You okay?” Taehyung asks when he notices Jin staring out of the window a little solemnly.

“I guess,” Jin says without looking around. Taehyung stays silent. “It just sucks, Tae.”

“I know,” Taehyung whispers, patting Jin’s knee in an attempt at comfort, which Jin appreciates silently. He’s lucky to have formed this unexpected friendship, and it makes life suck a little less. The Seoul Landscape shoots by the windows of the bus, and Jin watches as all of these people just go about their daily lives. He wonders if life sucks as much for anyone else around here but mentally kicks himself for the selfish thought. His life isn’t that terrible, he got to sit with his 6 new friends at the restaurant after work last night and that’s something to be grateful for. Jin just needs to get this morning over with and then he can figure things out from there.

“I worked so hard for that money and it’s all gone, I have no clear goals anymore. I didn’t have a goal before really but I had my savings and it gave me a sense of hope, what now?”

“I don’t know what direction I’m going in either, we can stick together, you’ve got me,” Taehyung replies.

“You want to be an actor, that’s your goal, and you’re good at what you do,” Jin points out, Taehyung chuckles in disagreement.

“And you want to own a restaurant,” he remembers from a text conversation, “that’s a whole lot more realistic than being an actor. I know what you mean though, neither of us really have a direction right now, but we have each other and we have the other guys,” Taehyung talks about them like they’ve been friends for years, and Jin finds it a rather charming habit.

The bus arrives near Jin’s house and the pair exit the vehicle, glad to step out into the summer breeze, a welcome relief from the hot bus. They make the short walk to the house and Jin pulls his house key from his back jeans pocket, sighing heavily as he unlocks the door.

“Home sweet home,” he mutters as he opens the door, beckoning Taehyung to follow him in. The two walk straight into the living room, Taehyung looking around at his surroundings while they do.

“Mum?” Jin calls out, getting no response back, he sighs, “must be passed out in her room.” Jin habitually tidies some clutter up that has been left about the house. The house never looked great but it’s particularly messy today. Taehyung watches as Jin picks up random clothes and belongings from the floor, attempting to stash them away in drawers and cupboards so the place looks a little bit more presentable.

“It’s not usually this bad,” Jin says sheepishly.

“It’s fine,” Taehyung assures, not quite sure where to put himself in this situation but waiting patiently for Jin, who is tidying hurriedly, feeling stressed about how messy it is.

The house is dim, the dark old fashioned wallpaper is the same wallpaper that had been here when Jin was born, he had always hated the way it made the house look. The carpets need cleaning, in fact Jin swears they’ve always needed cleaning.

Taehyung meanders around the room as he waits, glancing around at the various childhood photos of Jin and his parents, noting how happy they all look in the old photos. He knows Jin’s Father isn’t in the picture anymore, and his Mother didn’t handle it well, but Jin doesn’t like talking about it too much.

Taehyung picks up a piece of paper left on the side table near the door, reading it out of curiosity in case it’s new and meant for Jin.

“I-Uh,” Taehyung stammers, Jin continues to tidy up, humming a ‘sup?’. Taehyung’s breathing quickens, alerting Jin that something’s wrong. He spins around from the spot of the living room that he was tidying up.

“Tae?”

Taehyung steps backwards into the side table clumsily, a couple of trinkets fall over noisily from the impact. Jin can feel something inside of him start to panic at Taehyung’s sudden strange behavior, glancing at the small piece of paper in his hand.

“Jin, I’m- I’m so sorry,” Taehyung breathes heavily, holding the note out with violently shaking hands. Jin strides over to snatch the paper quickly, eyes skimming over it with urgency.

‘Jinnie, I don’t know how to admit this to you, so I’m writing a note and then leaving this world behind. I paid the debt, then I spent the rest of your money on more. I didn’t mean to, I know you’ll be so angry, and I can’t face you. This life is too cruel, addiction is cruel. I can’t ruin your life anymore with it. Live a good long life, all my love, from someone who should have been a better Mother.’

“Jin-”

Jin could swear the world just stopped spinning right there and then. He sprints to his Mother’s room without even thinking, bursting into the room and standing in shock at the sight before him. His legs want to give out but he wills himself to stumble back out of the room, having seen plenty. He slams the door behind him, then falls into the closed door face first. Jin brings his right fist up to slam the door hard, the sting from hitting the hard wood not even feeling like a real sensation, he screams loud into the dark brown oak, causing Taehyung to let out a loud sob from behind. Still stood frozen by the side table.

Jin pulls his phone from his pocket to open the text he received from her last night, wishing he could turn back time and reply, phone her. Why did he have to be asleep and miss it? Where does life go from here? Jin doesn’t know what to do right now let alone from now on. He turns around to slide down the door and sit with his back against it, knees pulled to his chest. He wants to cry but he still hasn’t shed even a single tear. There’s only shock, and he doesn’t know how to process it.

“I’ll call the police,” Taehyung sniffles, retrieving his own phone to take action, which Jin feels hugely grateful for considering all he feels like he can do right now is sit with his back to this door, staring dumbly at the text from last night, rereading his own reply from this morning a few times and wondering why he didn’t at least write a proper message to her. She wouldn’t have seen it, but Jin could live more comfortably knowing that he’d cared enough to write a proper reply. Something meaningful. He should have been awake last night, or he should have been woken up by the sound of her texting. Jin starts to give himself a headache trying to remember if he had in fact heard his phone last night but ignored it and went back to sleep, he convinces himself that this happened, and throws his phone angrily across the room, watching as it hits the opposite wall. Taehyung stops talking on the phone briefly, shocked as he watches Jin’s phone screen smash against the wall.

Jin continues to sit against the door, staring at his broken phone on the other side of the room. Taehyung gets off the phone, mumbling that they’ll be here in a few minutes and walking to retrieve Jin’s broken phone to inspect it.

“It’s still working,” he says, walking over to give it back to Jin.

“I don’t want it.”

“That’s okay,” Taehyung pockets the phone, knowing he’ll want it back later. “Can I sit with you?”

Jin shrugs, eyes having not moved from the spot that his phone was until Taehyung picked it up. He walks over slowly to sit next to Jin on the floor, Jin can tell he’s not sure what to say in a moment like this. Taehyung opens and closes his mouth a few times like a fish, having absolutely no clue what to say, where to even begin. He chooses to just sit quietly with him for a minute, letting him process events in his own time while the pair wait together for the police, knowing the next few hours will be hell.

Yoongi

As the day draws to a close, the evening light fades quickly, and Yoongi is sleepy. Yoongi is always sleepy, but the sky going dark is making him very sleepy. He had a busy day, teaching too many piano lessons in one day, and working a bit on his new song, and still managing to make time for iced coffee at the mall with Namjoon at lunch time. They had run into Hoseok and Jimin on their way in while those two were on their way out, running into each other for a quick catch up at the entrance. Namjoon told them about how he was job hunting and Hoseok informed him of an accounting position at his company, to which Namjoon looked eager. Yoongi was happy to see some hope in the boy’s eyes for once regarding work. He’s smart, and did a course in accounting once. He told Yoongi about how boring it was, but he was good at it. No surprise.

Yoongi feels himself drifting off, knowing he should get off the sofa and actually get ready for bed and go to sleep properly. 9:30pm just felt too early somehow, don’t most people start watching TV at this point? Why does Yoongi have to be so sleepy all the time? The anxieties of the world weigh him down too much, that’s why.

Yoongi’s phone ringing loudly on the floor next to the sofa pulled him straight out of his almost reverie as he reached for it quickly. He had forgotten he gave Taehyung his number at the restaurant last night. The group had almost parted ways without leaving any form of connection between the three sub-groups until they had remembered and Yoongi had given his number to Taehyung and Hoseok respectively.

“Hello?” Yoongi asked into the phone, slightly confused at Taehyung’s sudden calling at this hour.

“Hey,” Taehyung says in a low voice over the phone, talking as if he doesn’t want to be heard.

“Everything alright?” Yoongi asks.

“Not really. Look, I don’t know how to say this subtly, so I’ll just tell you. Jin’s Mother died today, she killed herself, Jin found her earlier on,” he explains.

Wait, what? Yoongi breathes shakily into the phone, unsure of the best response, feeling horrible for the guy already.

“I need to go to work,” Taehyung continues, “Jin’s here, I’ve insisted that I stay home but he’s too smart, he knows I need the money and I can’t lose this gig. We went back and forth for a bit, and I’ve given in, he won’t let me miss this so I’m going to go. I’m just wondering if there’s any possibility that you’d be able to come over. I also don’t know how to say this easily, and don’t tell Jin you know but he himself was about to do the same thing a few nights ago at a bridge but I stopped him. I don’t want him alone, I know this might be awkward for you, so you can say no. I just know I trust you, you seem like someone who would understand.”

Yoongi stays silent on the phone for a minute in disbelief. Poor Jin, of course he’ll go round. And Taehyung’s right, Yoongi understands this sort of thing. He knows that people get that vibe off him, either that or they’ve heard his song lyrics: which tell all.

“Of course I’ll come round, I’ll leave now, do I have time to run to the store on the way?”

“Yeah that’s fine. Also he doesn’t know you’re coming because I know he’d protest but I can’t bear to leave him alone right now. And I know once you’re here he’ll appreciate the company too much to say no,” Taehyung admits, Yoongi swallows hard. Knowing he was going to be in a social anxiety battle from now until he gets to Taehyung’s house. He hasn’t really spoken to Jin yet except in the restaurant, of which he was mostly working. He knows his want to care for people will override the awkwardness, but he feels nervous about going over. Especially in such a sensitive time.

Taehyung reels his address off to Yoongi before hanging up the phone with a sincere ‘thank you’ and Yoongi leaves immediately to go to the store for snacks, planning to leave comfort food out in case Jin feels like it. Plus he knows full well that Taehyung can’t afford the luxury of unhealthy snacks right now, so it’ll be nice for both of them. He feels bad for Taehyung in this situation also.

After a quick trip to the store and a bag full of treats, he’s on his way to Taehyung’s apartment, the walk was reasonable but not long, and he could walk fast despite his little legs. He pushes away the anxiety over this, knowing he needs to keep it together for Jin, and it’ll be fine once he gets there, or will it? Jin must be feeling all sorts, Yoongi’s never dealt with anything like this before.

Yoongi reaches the apartment, and Taehyung buzzes him in through the door. He walks up the stairs and knocks softly on the door. Taehyung opens quickly with a sad smile and tear stained cheeks.

“Thank you so much for coming, I know this must be strange,” he says apologetically. Yoongi waves his hands quickly assuring him that it’s absolutely fine. It’s not, it’s very strange, but that’s just Yoongi being unreasonably nervous.

“Who’s that?” he hears Jin call from the living room.

“Uh,” Taehyung stalls, pulling Yoongi gently into the apartment and pushing the door shut behind him. “I asked Yoongi if he could come over and chill with you, while I’m at work.”

“I don’t need babysitting,” Jin says bluntly, staring at the TV but not actually watching whatever is on.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi whispers. Jin’s older than him and all.

“Look, my concern is valid right now, Jinnie. He’s just going to chill with you for a few hours while I go to work,” Taehyung says slightly desperately, Yoongi can tell he’s exhausted from the day.

“I understand,” Jin sighs, succumbing quickly to the situation. Yoongi can tell he’s easily adaptable. He can work with this. Taehyung tells Yoongi he’ll be back by 1am and hurriedly grabs his keys and leaves for work, leaving Yoongi standing awkwardly near the sofa, holding the shopping bag.

“I bought snacks, just in case,” he holds the bag up before placing it down on the kitchen counter and walking slowly towards the sofa. Jin, rather unexpectedly, bursts into tears right there, like a tap has just been turned on without warning.

How does Yoongi deal with grief?

“Jin-” he breathes, walking towards him tentatively, one step at a time. Jin sits on the sofa sobbing loudly into his hands. Yoongi’s not sure he’s ever seen someone so upset in his entire life, even in movies. This is heartbreaking.

“I’m sorry,” he manages to splutter in between sobs.

“Shh, why are you apologising? This is natural,” Yoongi soothes, taking a seat next to him on the sofa and placing a hand on his back. He notes the almost empty box of tissues on the coffee table in front of them, no doubt a lot of tears have been shed today.

Jin sniffs, wiping his face with his sleeves, something he’d clearly also done a lot today judging by the dampness of both his hoodie sleeves. Yoongi sits beside him quietly, letting him release his emotions.

“Why does life suck so much?” Jin asks rhetorically, Yoongi hums quietly.

“That, I can’t answer. Just know that time heals,” he says wistfully. Jin nods, wiping his eyes with his sleeves again.

“She texted me last night, it was late. I was asleep. She said she loves me. I read it in the morning and didn’t understand why she sent it all of a sudden, until later on. I keep trying to remember if the sound of my phone woke me up last night and I just ignored it and went back to sleep. I think I did hear it, I think I remember, but I just went back to sleep. I should have just checked my phone, I could have phoned her,” Jin opens up to Yoongi, pouring his heart out to a man he barely knows yet.

“I think...you’ve just convinced yourself that this happened. If you’re not sure if you remember hearing your phone, you probably didn’t. I bet you were sound asleep, which is a completely normal thing to be doing late at night, and you didn’t hear it. Now you’re trying to convince yourself things happened differently, and there was something you could have done to prevent this, but I think you’re fooling yourself out of anger,” Yoongi finishes, watching Jin nod slowly, drinking in the advice.

“What snacks did you get?” he asks innocently, making Yoongi giggle at the subject change. He gets up to grab the bag of treats and pours it all out onto the coffee table. Yoongi loses his appetite so easily upon being even slightly sad, so it warms his heart to see Jin wanting comfort food, wishing he could be more like that.

The pair sit quietly, now both paying attention to the surprisingly interesting documentary that was being played on the TV. Jin sits mindlessly shovelling snacks, and it’s pretty clear this is the first time he’s eaten today. Yoongi feels like he’s done a good job of comforting tonight, and formed a bond with Jin while doing so. He hopes that he is now someone that Jin can trust with anything.

Jin tiredly rests his head on Yoongi’s shoulder, who wants to flinch back habitually at the contact, but lets him carry on. Yes, Jin does trust him.

[daisyquinzel]

So story canon , Katsuki gets assigned a dangerous hero mission and basically breaks the readers heart because he doesn’t want them to get hurt , and mind you you just told him your ✨pregnant ✨which is what pushed him over because he’s going on a dangerous mission not knowing when he’ll be back and sacred he can’t protect you , so with the uncertainty he says fuck it , he breaks your heart , slowly passed by after you’ve left the house you two once shared , he comes back two years later , now while you could’ve and tried to pick yourself back up you couldn’t , you were heart broken Once again someone who claimed to have loved you just damaged you and of course that weighs heavy, hearing the most damaging thoughts coming from someone you love is , a heartbreak . You ended up losing the baby 5 months in , a miscarriage, your inability to take care of yourself lead to it and of course you blamed yourself , why wouldn’t you , you felt like you chose not to try harder to eat to move to feel anything to keep your baby alive . But no you were selfish , you tried seeking help but the thought of opening up to another person terrified you, what if they left again , you wondered , so you stayed silent , stayed in this deep hole of self hatred and self pity , you wanted out but didn’t know how , so you did the one thing you could rely on , you cut , you harmed and you cried just wallowing away , was this such a stupid move of course , others would judge you , wow you really just couldn’t seek help? You couldn’t just reach out ? Ask for a helping hand ? You have people so why was it so hard ? There was no real reason sometimes the thing that terrified you most was yourself because you couldn’t connect never reallly always scared of when the next person who claimed to love you would damage you the next second . Your best friend Mina is the one who found you , cliche as it sounds she was one you did open up to at least once in a while but never fully , always that anxious bubble waiting to pop , but she checked on you , you had girl nights , and you were able to sometimes genuinely smile around her , but the ear piercing scream she let out clearly showed that you were not thinking of the positive moments in your life . No. You were hurried to the hospital when your friends arrived , Katsuki being among the familiar faces . He apologized after the doctor gave him the okay but you were on suicide watch now. He apologized and nearly cried before your voice interrupted, saying how you understood why, but that you couldn’t just go back , of course he wasn’t that naive , so with hesitation oh two agreed to be acquaintances . He tried to see if you slipped up and you nearly did , but quickly brushed it off. You never were good at hiding your emotions , constantly wearing them on your sleeve but you were good at avoiding talking about them till it best suited you . He finally got up and walked away . Once conversing in the waiting room , he looked anywhere else but Kirishima eyes knowing once he did he would break. “ I hurt them. “ he said solemnly Kiri tried comforting him , telling him no one would expect this from you , except that was hard to believe , you were always open and had explained on few occasions how you did suffer mental illness , never going into much of your history unless close and Katsuki knew this, but with his anxiety he completely disregarded yours , and it came to bite him in the ass.