#here you go: develop an unhealthy compulsion!

[noegrets]

Denise: The newest lessons in Italian I've gotten to on Duolingo seem to be US English sentences translated into the Italian language. They are not Italian sentences.

I mean this in the sense of... there are sentences are talking about a wedding reception and complimenting the grandmother of the bride... this is sitcom-level typical for US weddings, but that's not how weddings typically go in Italy, and Rosy had never heard the word Duolingo was using for "wedding reception" before. Likewise, the sentences are talking about going off to college and moving in with other students in a dorm room... and Rosy tells me that more typically in Italy, students rent apartments together; there aren't actually dormitories like that. There was a whole section of sentences from a job interview, and Rosy said that interviews are absolutely not so confrontational in Italy. And if I were to ever say the sentence of inviting colleagues out for happy hour, I'll at best sound like an US-assimilationist asshole from Milan; that doesn't really happen in the rest of Italy, it's moreso a US thing.

Previously, the sentences in Duolingo seemed to be at least some degree reflective of Italian culture. There were sentences about how most people vacation in August, and how Easter in Italy don't involve looking for eggs like in the US, but rather, in Italy, there are different festivities. When learning a language, I should be learning the culture at the same time. It is pretty pointless to learn from US English sentences translated into Italian by an AI. I want to learn from Italian sentences that a real Italian person might actually say.

Duolingo's treatment of the Italian language is already bad enough. I'm sure it's even worse for more endangered languages from more endangered cultures. What is gained by "preserving" a twisted version of the language that is just US English in an AI-generated trenchcoat?

Decided that once I get to a 1000 day streak on Duolingo I’m breaking up with that fucking owl and deleting the app.

[demonslayerunhinged]

Unhinged theory

The Passion of Sanemi Shinazugawa

Sanemi has no chill.

We all been knew this. His chill is one of the things that the fandom has accepted canonically doesn't exist, like Inosuke's uniform shirt or Zenitsu's dating standards, but the reason for his lack of chill and generally aggressive behavior is still a much debated topic to this day.

I have made two posts here and here breaking down his backstory, his trauma and socio-economical circumstances that made him the man he is today but, I still wasn't satisfied. Something nagged me about this character and his personality that I couldn't put my finger on. So I pondered, for days going through each episode, rereading the manga taking note of his actions and interactions with other characters.

Then, it finally hit me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I've found the answer.

Sanemi, our sweet boy, is SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED.

Let me explain.

butt first...

What is sexual frustration?

According to Medical News Today,

Sexual frustration describes a state of irritation, agitation, or stress resulting from sexual inactivity or dissatisfaction. Sexual frustration is a common, natural feeling, and it can affect anyone.

Some symptoms include:

Feeling irritable, restless, and edgy (so Sanemi's entire personality?)

Engaging in unhealthy coping skills (like wanting to brawl with another man for no reason and after having a sexually-charged training session 🤨)

Performing riskier behaviors to fulfill sexual desires (like exposing your entire chest and leaving it vulnerable just so you can show off your tits like a slut 🤨🤨).

Compulsive or hypersexual behaviors (like wanting to grab another man by the hair just so he won't go away 🤨🤨🤨)

Depression or anxiety for men (see this post)

“Seeking revenge” against targets that are the believed source of the frustration (basically Sanemi vs Giyuu)

Displaced frustration on targets with no connection to the frustration (Sanemi vs Tanjiro vs Junior Slayers)

How did this cum to be?

Okay so, I have this headcanon that the Shinazugawa men have a high sex drive. I mean, there's the seven kids from Kyogo which means he had to be laying pipe...a lot(F's in the chat for Shizu 😔) and Genya's horniness when he breathes the same air as a girl, so it's safe to say that Sanemi also has a high sex drive.

After the tragedy that struck his family (Shizu killing the kids, not Kyogo's death because fuck that guy), Sanemi lost any hope or chance of a normal life. In the light novel Sign post of the Wind, Sanemi tells Masachika that life isn't for fun, and he has expressed his distaste for 'frivolous' things.

He denies himself these things because he believes he doesn't deserve them, why should he enjoy life when he killed his mom, when he couldn't protect his siblings, when his brother rightfully hates him, when demons still exist, when families are still being ripped apart, when his colleagues and juniors are being killed and when Genya is in constant danger. The only thing he allows himself is ohagi which is a reminder of happier times.

He has no time for friends, for love and definitely not for sex, which by extension includes masturbation. He won't be able to jerk off without seeing the faces of his mom and his siblings -and yes, that sentence was just as awkward for me writing it as you reading it- so he resigned himself to a life of solitude and sexual frustration, which caused him to develop his aggressive and no-chill personality but at least he was able to manage for a while, that was until he met Giyuu.

Cum hither Giyuu

Sanemi's no-nut journey became even more unbearable when he met Giyuu. There was just something about that sappy, derpy, stupid face that stole his heart and even though Giyuu's personality should've made it easy to stay away, the power of love and horny didn't allow that to happen.

Like I mentioned before in a previous post, what followed was a series of sexually-tense situations and interactions between the two Hashiras, so every time Giyuu happened to enter Sanemi's field of vision, I guess you could say more or less he was:

Reaching out for help

In the light of their impending doom with Muzan's arrival, Sanemi has a realization; he's obviously going to die soon, that doesn't scare Sanemi, he's accepted the fact that he's going to die anyway but to die as a virgin? Now that's not good. With the failure of trying to reach out to Giyuu in the Hashira meeting and the disaster that was the attempted eye-poking incident and being shamed by a 16-year-old Sanemi decides 'fuck it' and tries to reach out to Giyuu again.

But he can't go crawling to Giyuu and be like 'please fuck me', no no no that would not do instead he has the brilliant idea to challenge Giyuu to combat under the guise of 'training' in some misguided hope that the spar would get both their temperatures up which would in turn get Giyuu horny enough to rip off his clothes and fuck him. Yay! The plan is foolproof!

I already mentioned in this post how Sanemi's suggestion for a brawl made no sense as he could have just taken the Muichiro route and suggested they use their actual katanas, but no he wanted a full body contact brawl. Like look at how excited he was at the concept of brawling with Giyuu, like no wonder Tanjiro was scared for Giyuu!

JUST LOOK AT THIS FACE!!! LOOK AT THE DESPERATION!!! OUR BOY IS SO PENT UP HE'S ON THE VERGE OF INSANITY!!!

THIS IS THE FACE OF A MAN WHO HASN'T NUTTED IN 21 YEARS! He was literally begging BEGGING Giyuu to touch him! 😭

Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤️) was rightfully afraid for his big bro, so he intercepts (read cock blocks) Sanemi! Imagine how he felt at that moment; he was THIS close to some body contact and then comes in the same child who kills his rep at every turn! Not only that, but Tanjiro clocks in Sanemi's intentions and decided to put a stop to it by hitting him where he hurts; ohagi.

Imagine your biggest social opp coming along with his innocent, stupidly sweet face when you've finally decided to open yourself up to fucking your forever crush and killing whatever and all sexual tension with his annoying innocence!

Then, as if on a mission to destroy your spirit, reveals your secret love of ohagi! A sweet typically enjoyed by children! Right in front of his future baby daddy!

Tanjiro then drives the knife even further by asking him his ohagi preferences, talking about how his grandma used to make ohagi and shit!

LIKE BOYYYYYYYY

That explains why he was so salty even hours later. If I were him, I'd be pissed too! The fuck! I love how he stopped walking on the steps just to cuss Tanjiro out, like you can tell it came from the very depths of his soul.

I mean, you can literally hear the pain and frustration in his voice. That is the cry of a man who spent three hours douching, only to have his Grindr date cancel on him.

Celebrating the big O

After the events of the final showdown we see a more relaxed, almost peaceful Sanemi which tells us one thing - our boy finally got laid!

But when? and with whom?

Well Giyuu, duh. I theorize that it happened sometime during the three months of recuperation before Tanjiro woke up, and they had their last Hashira meeting. I mean, look at how they're smiling at each other, you can't tell me these guys didn't fuck at least once.

Sanemi came(lol) out(lol again!) of the encounter a changed man. He's moisturized, demure, in his lane, thriving.

Look at him here; tits covered 'cuz Giyuu has made an honest man out of him, and that peaceful look? Damn, dick was so good blud had to look up to the heavens like

In Conclusion, Sanemi's character development is really inspirational because it's a story of one man's triumph over thirst and yea I don't know how to end this post, so I'll just leave you with some words of wisdom:

[teruuu]

Hi Teruuu! It's me again here to ask more inane questions about one of my favourite fics

I was wondering, how do you see the future of the Lamb and Narinder's relationship developing in Compulsion? They're incredibly toxic but do you think given the extremely long time they'll be together (basically forever) there would ever be a time they would, for lack of a better term, "chill the hell out" or do they do the opposite and get even more toxic as the attachment issues get reinforced over time?

I know you specified no shitten (absolutely for the best I can't imagine they'd be functional parents) so maybe they just stay the same, cannibalistic fetishism and all?

As you can tell, I am normal about this fic and their dynamic.

Thanks!

Interesting question Joffy

I love my followers, yall always give me the best ideas 🥺🥺🥺💥💖💖💖💖💖

This’ll probably sound upsetting but I like to think that their relationship will develop into a very destructive direction. Given the toxic nature of their romance and my constant acknowledgment of this fact, I don’t believe they’ll ever come to a time where they become more “healthy”. Narinder, as you’ve mentioned before in one of your reblogs of my posts, was shaped to be a villain by his environment. The Lamb’s head’s been broken by the trauma that they suffered. They’re a very codependent couple, and nothing good ever comes out of toxic and unhealthy relationships. As I said before, I know I enjoy depicting the two in an attractive manner but I refuse to encourage anything that Narinder and the Lamb do in this AU. So, in this line of thinking I refuse to give them a happy ending with one another.

Really, the only way for the two to truly, TRULY be happy is if they ended up instead with more positive figures that would encourage them to strip away their more damaged aspects. With one another, all of their negatives just get magnified tenfold. To put this bluntly, the two are evil. With one another, all they do is cause harm, terror, and violence to themselves and everyone around them. The full future of their relationship is still unclear to me, but adding gasoline to a flame will never put it out. Their relationship will only develop into a forest fire until eventually all they leave behind is a desert, and they can never go back from that. Not unless someone puts an end to all the wrong that they do before it’s too late.

Buuuttt… I don’t know! Maybe this’ll change. Maybe I’ll actually make them, y’know, tone down. But for now this is what I think they’ll end up as. We’ll see!!

[rainytypology]

Enneagram system

A rewrite/more in depth post of the Enneagram system compared to my last post on it. Not an expert. May change later.

If you like kpop and typology, check out my blog. I do type analysis on idols and typology notes.

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What is Enneagram?

I mainly took notes from Riso Hudson theory.

A typology system that categorizes personalities into 9 different types. Each type is numbered from 1 - 9.

Each type has a desire and fear that motivates their actions in life.

Core and Wings

Core: Our main type. It is the foundation of our personality and does not change.

Wing: Acts as a complement to our core. Wing can be one of the two types that sit beside core type. E.g a core 2 can have a 1 wing (2w1) or 3 wing (2w3). But is not necessary to use since wings can change and/or can be balanced.

Levels of Development

Summary of healthy - unhealthy levels of personality

- Healthy levels -

Level 1: Liberation

Let go of self image so we are free to express ourselves however we want. Self acceptance of all traits.

Level 2: Pyschological Capacity

Begin to identify with positive qualities in our personalities and learn to improve ourselves with them.

Level 3: Social Value

Still strongly identify with our set self image and make effort to maintain image. Want to share our good talents and abilities to make a positive effect on self and others.

- Average levels -

Level 4: Imbalance/Social roles

Idealization of self image; have a major focus on either good or bad qualities, no in between. Fear is an obstacle here.

Level 5: Interpersonal Control

Insist on self image being accepted by others, which can cause conflict. Can lead to controlling and manipulation.

Level 6: Overcompensation

Overcompensate due to underlying negative feelings. Desperate for others' acceptance.

- Unhealthy levels -

Level 7: Violation

Desperation for acceptance leads to violation of one's self and others. Serious conflict can occur. May victimize themselves to excuse offensive actions.

Level 8: Obsession and Compulsion

May be overly obsessed with an image of who they want to be. Deceives others

Level 9: Pathological Destructiveness

Most unhealthy state, display very toxic traits and behaviours, may have mental breakdown

Disintegration vs Integration

Or basically Stress vs Growth

Disintegration: When under heavy amounts of stress, a type will go into their disintegration type. They will pick up the negative traits of that type and act like the unhealthy version of it.

Integration: When maturing/developing positively, a type will go their integration type. They will pick up the positive traits of that type and improve their character.

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* I will only give short descriptions for the triads. I will explain more in depth in individual posts.*

Centers of Intelligence

There are 3 centers of intelligence. Each center shows how and why we solve issues in life.

Gut/Instinct/Anger (types 1, 8, 9)

Gut center focuses on reacting and taking action immediately. This triad has an issue with control and anger.

1: Often perfectionists who repress their anger in order to remain morally good. They see their anger in a negative light.

8: The most open and comfortable with their anger. Uses it to assert boundaries, especially since this type fears vulnerability.

9: Often a passive type that dismisses or downplays their anger. They fear conflict and may worry being more assertive will cause a negative effect on themselves and others.

Heart/Image/Shame (types 2, 3, 4)

Heart center focuses on self identity and connections. This triad wants love and recognition and do what they believe is best to get that. They struggle with self worth.

2: They want to be needed and helpful to others. Pride themselves on being of service. Wants to receive love and to give love.

3: The most image oriented type. They always try to show their best selves and best efforts in order to seem admirable. Fears being worthless.

4: Wants to create a unique image for themselves, believes being boring will make them unloveable.

Head/Thinking/Fear (types 5, 6, 7)

Head center focuses on ideas, making rational decisions, and gathering info. This triad deals with fear and uncertainty.

5: The most internalized head type. 5's want to gather as much knowledge and resources as possible in order to stay secure and independent.

6: Quite an anxious type who seeks security through relations with others.

7: This type fears pain and suffering and seek out experiences in order to avoid negativity.

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Other triads

- Harmonic Triads -

How types handle conflict, coping mechanism

Reactive (4, 6, 8)

Reactive types are not afraid to show and speak about their true feelings. They may seem "dramatic" in a way.

4: Melodramatic and self absorbed in negative feelings, drowns in intensity

6: Will argue, stick up for the right thing, moody, anxious

8: Big and loud reactions, can be very fiery

Positive (2, 7, 9)

Positive types dislike negativity and conflict and have their own ways of avoiding such tension. Optimistic during hard times.

2: Actively tries to be a good and kind person, only tries to focus on the good aspects of people

7: Seeks out fun opportunities to make their life exciting (basically distraction)

9: Values harmony and peace, will not risk any type of action that will disturb these values

Competency (1, 3, 5)

Competent types are often perfectionists who want to show their best selves. Objective and rational.

1: Strives to be correct and right, wants to be precise in what they do

3: Represses softer emotions to keep up a certain image, thrives with work/passions so they can be the best at what they do

5: Detached from feelings to remain logical and objective, knowledge seeking

- Hornevian Triads -

Relationships with others, how they get what they want

Assertive (3, 7, 8)

Assertive types go against people to get what they want. Do not back down easily, can seem aggressive and forceful.

3: Pushes through obstacles for achievements, goal oriented

7: Asserts their right to have fun, refuse to be restricted

8: Asserts power and strength, places boundaries

Withdrawn (4, 5, 9)

Withdrawn types are very internalized and do not show their needs openly. Deals with things alone.

4: Feels something is wrong with them internally, feels misunderstood

5: Detached from others as to not drain their own energy, will figure it out themselves

9: Introspective, lets life happen

Compliant (1, 2, 6)

Compliant work with people to get what they want. Builds relationships for security, wants to be helpful to others.

1: Doing the right thing instead of one's own wants

2: Focus on other's needs more instead of self

6: Tries to build a safe and secure environment by getting ppl to work together

- Object Relations -

How we are affected by others, our own affect on others, how we react to personal wounds

Attachment (3, 6, 9)

Seek out bonds and companionships for particular reasons. Individuality vs adaptation.

3: Changes their image to suit whoever they are with in order to meet expectations

6: Creates support systems to help with their self doubt and indecisiveness

9: Adapts to the energy of the environment to keep harmony

Frustration (1, 4, 7)

Triad gets frustrated when their needs aren't met.

1: Has a need to improve every little imperfection they find

4: Dislikes shallowness, longs for depth and complexity

7: Not enjoying experiences, not feeling fulfilled

Rejection (2, 5, 8)

Their own needs feel unimportant to others, so they reject their own needs as well.

2: Rejects the need to receive love and guidance, instead focuses on connecting with others and helping them.

5: Ignores and minimizes all their needs, offers knowledge and expertise in some hope of being acknowledged for their intelligence.

8: Rejects by being never putting their guard down, wanting to appear strong and as the protector of others.

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Subtypes

Claudio Naranjo theory

There are three subtypes/instinctual variants that show our drive in life. There are 27 different subtypes in total.

Self Preservation (Sp)

Focuses on physical safety and security. Our physical health, financial security, obligations, and comforts.

Sexual/One - on - one (Sx)

Wants intensity and deep connections, one on one relationships are preferred.

Social (So)

Prefers to be in a community, wants to create good connections and bonds with others. Socially aware, focus on group goals and contributions.

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Tritype

Katherine Fauvre theory

A minor but still interesting piece of Enneagram. Tritype is formed of your 3 dominant types from each center. The first number will always be your core, followed by your other 2 dominant types.

E.g 369. 3 = core, heart. 6 = head. 9 = gut.

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Enneagram notes

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Side blog:

Kpop astrology @rainy-astrology

Kpop fanarts @rainy-artworks

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INTP here. I have read through your blog and it has helped me a lot on reflecting myself and resolving my past issues. I do have one concern that I hope you can address. I tend to realize I mindread a lot as per your blog description (I’ve read through the entire tag), and am actively trying to prevent judging and assuming people’s intention too early/quickly.

However, I cannot tell the difference sometimes between when I understand a person well, vs when I mindread. I want to try to understand people so I can interact with them better. I also have past experiences with being misunderstood before and want to try to give everyone a chance. I believe this is due to inferior Fe issues along with my ego thinking that I am kind. I also want to believe that I understand people, because I can tell if someone is a red flag but maybe that does not have to do with understanding people.

I came up with some solutions such as paying attention and communicating to other people to clear up misunderstandings, but even then people tend to be indirect in what they say and it turns out they are hurt by what I said or secretly angry at me for a while (I did not realize this until they are actually angry at me).

From writing this, I do notice my contradiction: how would people be hurt/angry at me if I “supposedly” treat them right? I admit that I am wrong for doing so, that I have hurt them, and I hope to address my ego in order to be better as a person for myself and other people around me.

I mindread because I am afraid of people potencially being angry/hurt because of me, even when that did not happen, because my social skills are not that well developed, but I acknowledge there might be more underlying reasons to this that I am not fully aware of.

I noticed that you have great perpection skills when understanding people, and I would like to learn the positive aspects. If possible, can you help shine a light on how I should start? Plus, if you can advise me why why people are indirect when communicating that would be great because I am almost always direct in my communication and do not fully understand the nuances of social context, and I wish to understand and treat other people better

--------------------

Socializing and communication are complex topics, so there's a lot to unpack in your question.

(1) Mindreading: Ne development should help with the mindreading problem. Healthy Ti doms have a reputation for being sharp and adaptable because i) dominant Ti only accepts factual information and rises to the challenge of systematizing it for effective judgment/decisions, and ii) the auxiliary function actively monitors and processes any and all changes in factual information.

But when functions remain underdeveloped, Ti-Si always gets stuck working with a very limited and unchanging set of facts, and Ne-Fe is too small in scope to alert you to other possible ways of looking at situations, ways that might get you closer to the truth.

In other words, healthy INTPs always leave room for error. They proceed through life confidently based on the facts they have on hand but always with the awareness that knowledge is provisional and might need to be updated at a later date. They never believe that they know everything, they always keep themselves open to more information, and they take the extra step to gather information that might contradict or disprove what they already know.

However, being P, the tendency to "prospect" for information can go awry when Ne is unhealthy enough to give rise to Ti-Si loop. The above healthy qualities I just listed can easily turn negative and express hidden ego issues, e.g., by making you feel insecure in not knowing, anxious about getting blindsided, and obsessive-compulsive in needing to know more (due to having no clear goal, unrealistic goals, or constantly moving the goalposts).

Contrasting healthy and unhealthy Ne expression, what is the lesson? If you hope to be a healthy INTP, you have to learn how to sit comfortably in ambiguity and uncertainty. If you hope to be a mature INTP, you have to love a challenge and go the extra mile to welcome and embrace ambiguity and uncertainty as vehicles for learning and growing into a more intelligent person.

(2) Theory of Mind: How does the above apply to social life? Relationships are full of ambiguity and uncertainty, are they not? Sure, in theory, solving relationship problems should be a simple matter of good communication and clearing up misunderstandings.

However, in reality, good communication is very hard to come by. Why? Because… people. Human psychology is messy AF. People contain multitudes, and in some cases, multitudes of contradictions. They often don't know themselves well enough to know what they really need/want/like, let alone communicate these things clearly to another person.

What's worse, what people think they know about themselves can sometimes be false, which leads them in all sorts of wrong directions. You brought up a good example of thinking that you are a kind person, yet you keep getting feedback to indicate that you aren't as kind as you believe. Human perception can be very flawed, so how you see yourself and others can get very distorted. This raises the question of how to navigate the messiness.

The first step is to see and accept people as what they really are (Ti). Humans are complicated. They are not programmed or programmable machines. They can want contradictory things. They can change their mind on a whim. They can say one thing and do another. They can believe wholeheartedly in complete falsehoods. They are capable of reprehensible acts. They can also be resilient, steadfast, honest, loyal, noble, passionate, inspired, innovative, determined, dedicated, empathetic, loving, and altruistic. If humans weren't so complicated, social life would be terribly boring.

If you really want to understand people better, you have to exercise better imagination (Ne) and recognize the full scope of their potential, both positive and negative. When you have a very full view of humans, you'll be quicker to recognize the truth of each individual. But when you have a very small and limited view of humans, you'll find yourself constantly confused or blindsided by their behavior.

Some of this fuller view simply comes with life experience, but the majority of it should come from making an effort to expose yourself to different kinds of people and creating opportunities to expand your understanding of human nature.

(3) Ego Development: What does this mean for improving your social skills? Firstly, on your part, you have to see and acknowledge your own complexity. One reason I emphasize the importance of self-awareness is that, without it, you'll never come to see or appreciate your own complexity.

The way you view yourself at age 20 will be very different than age 40. It's not necessarily because you've changed a whole lot in that time, in fact, most people don't change very much throughout life, objectively speaking. What really happens is that you gradually learn more and more about who you really are over time, and that changes your self-perception.

When you're young, ego development is still in early stages, which means the ego is still in a fragile state. As you build a personal identity, you get heavily invested in seeing yourself a certain way, and it can hurt the ego when that self-image gets contradicted. This leads people to become defensive of their self-image and avoid situations that disturb it.

What they have yet to realize is that taking down the false self-image is precisely how one gets closer to knowing the truth of oneself. One must surrender to the pain of that takedown in order to grow. Are you willing to surrender to the pain of realizing that you are not the person you've always believed yourself to be, that you're possibly a much worse person than you thought?

Until you can recognize the truth of your own complex humanity and the full scope of your own positive and negative potential, you will always struggle to understand others, because it is likely that you will remain stuck in a state of projection. Projection means that your perception of others is always tainted by your own unconscious ego issues, i.e., you don't see the world as it is but as you are.

For example, you are a person who prefers to communicate directly, and this unconsciously sets up an expectation that others should do it too or be capable of doing it. Whenever others prove to be very different from you, you get confused or flustered. Your mind isn't open enough to gather the whole truth about people when your first instinct is to assume people are or should be just like you.

Secondly, on the part of the relationship, you have to acknowledge the reality that, at this moment, not everyone is within your capability to understand and is therefore not going to be very compatible with you. There's a reason why we seem to click with some people better than others. While relationships do require work to maintain, there's a certain point at which the expenditure of effort starts to bring diminishing returns. At that point, it might be time to throw in the towel and admit that the relationship isn't going to work in its current manifestation.

For example, if you're looking for someone who is capable of having a mature, honest, and authentic discussion about relationship issues, then you have to weed out the people who haven't yet developed that capability. It's not about being mean or critical; it's about recognizing the facts of what someone can or can't do and making a smart choice about whether it's possible to have a healthy relationship with them.

(4) Exercising Good Judgment: Making evaluations of people and relationships isn't easy because there are a variety of factors to take into consideration. One problem Ti doms often run into is that they don't take enough factors into consideration (inferior Fe), i.e., they are too undiscerning and often just passively take whatever relationships come their way.

When you approach relationships too abstractly or intellectually or flexibly, you can easily fall into the trap of thinking that any relationship can work in theory, if only you did this or they did that. In reality though, the effort it would take to implement those changes wouldn't be worth it due to diminishing returns, or those changes are simply infeasible (and you might slowly destroy yourself or the relationship by trying to force the change).

An important step in acknowledging your own complex humanity is to admit that you have needs, preferences, and desires... AND be okay with them changing over time, as you learn more about yourself. Needs, preferences, and desires should be informing you of what kind of person is best suited to being your friend or partner.

There are billions of people in this world. If you want a positive, enriching, and fulfilling social life, you have to be proactive and selective in finding the right people for you to keep company with. There are only a few basic criteria that need to be present in every relationship, such as: kindness, trust, empathy, etc. But what about the other qualities of the person? What does your ideal friend/partner look like?

(5) Navigating Conflict: An important aspect of having good social skills is accepting the fact that conflict is necessary for relationships to grow over time. A relationship without disagreements and problems isn't a real relationship. The question is whether the two people involved are: i) committed enough to the relationship to make things better, ii) equipped with the relationship skills required to resolve problems properly, and iii) on the same page and want the same things out of the relationship.

To the first point, not everyone you meet will be as committed as you, so you have to use your best judgment about whether it's worthwhile to continue with them. Also, reflect on how committed you are to a relationship and whether it is accurately reflected in your everyday behavior. Remember that Fe is an extraverted function that requires taking action and cannot only be about empty words or silent intentions.

To the second point, as long as both individuals are willing to learn and improve their relationship skills, there will continue to be hope for the relationship to get better. Although, keep in mind that the learning process isn't always linear and smooth. There will inevitably be steps forwards and backwards.

To the third point, you can discuss with people what they want out of the relationship, what their goals are, or what they hope the relationship can become in the future. A relationship has a greater chance of success when there is agreement about which direction to go. If people refuse such discussions or don't take them seriously, then it casts serious doubt over their commitment, which circles back to the first point.

It sounds like you are motivated to improve your social skills. If people aren't being honest with you, you have to get to the bottom of why. Perhaps the problem lies mainly in you not really hearing what people need from you because you keep failing to address the feelings they are communicating, which is a common communication problem. If that's the case, you need to work on your listening skills and communication skills in general. Perhaps the problem lies mainly in the other person not being able to express themselves honestly for whatever reason. Or it could be a combination of the two.

The best you can do is welcome people to be honest with you, by guaranteeing to them that you can handle the truth and encouraging them to speak directly. However, you have no control over whether they can do it. It's their issue to deal with and there's no forcing it.

[your-punk-mom]

Vash needs therapy Pt. 1

(FYI: My view on therapy is that everyone can benefit from professional support, at least at times. But some people *need it urgently, right now, and maybe long term*. It’s a tool, don’t judge.)

So here’s my personal rule: DON’T DIAGNOSE PEOPLE OVER THE INTERNET. It’s unethical, and even if I were qualified (I am not) it would still be wrong.

But Vash is fictional, so that’s ok. :)

I said previously that psychological character analysis tries to explain how a character’s actions flow naturally from their past, relationships, and assumptions.

Today, we’re going to mostly look at actions. And Vash’s actions say he’s got a Savior Complex.

Savior Complex (SC) isn’t a diagnosis of mental illness. It’s not even in any version of the DSM. It’s more like a state of mind, stemming from toxic beliefs and reflected in toxic behaviors. Anybody can develop this mindset, with or without an accompanying mental illness.

Thanks to not being a “disorder”, SC is not a big subject for serious academics, but practicing therapists write about it a lot, so my citations are a little bit informal.

My favorite version of a definition of SC is from Grouport:

The savior complex is a psychological construct that describes a person's need or compulsion to save others, often neglecting their own needs in the process. It's a behavior pattern often rooted in empathy, but when left unchecked, it can lead to unhealthy dynamics in relationships and personal distress.

Individuals with a savior complex often believe that their worth is tied to their ability to help others. This belief can stem from societal expectations that value selflessness and altruism, sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice.

Doing good deeds is not a bad thing by itself; it even has health benefits for both helper and helped. But taken to extremes, it becomes a problem. People with SC often damage themselves and others in the name of saving someone, even the target of their help.

WebMD has a pretty thorough list of behaviors and beliefs that can indicate a SC. Let's match some of what we observe in Vash's actions and words to these indicators.

Does helping or saving others:

✅Put you in danger physically if you try to save someone in a dangerous situation

Agreeing to duel the Officer Chuck Lee in Jeneora Rock; jumping back inside the worm to rescue the reporters; getting in the middle of Wolfwood and Livio's firefight; walking right into Knives' trap; taking a bullet for literally anyone.

✅Affect your mental state, especially if you aren’t able to save the other person

After Rosa kicks him out of Jeneora Rock, Vash tells Meryl he is smiling because "I don't deserve to cry"; refusing to talk after Jeneora Rock; refusing to eat for two days after Jeneora Rock, refusing to eat for weeks after the Big Fall (especially significant since he only eats for the joy of it); stating that that he “failed” to protect Rem, and so he *has* to save LITERALLY EVERYONE; after the Big Fall, lying about Nai's survival to Luida and Brad.

✅Cause you to neglect your own physical needs, which could lead to illness

Refusing to eat for two days after Jeneora Rock; refusing to eat for weeks after the Big Fall; Letting that one officer in JuLai shoot him over Jeneora Rock, when Vash easily could have dodged; letting the JuLai military police beat him up until he was bleeding, in Jeneora Rock.

❌Lead you to get burned out

Not Vash, but only because he's not human.

✅Affect your personal relationships

In Rosa's first appearance, she says Vash rescued the town before, and that any friend of his is welcome in her diner. But after the Nebraskas, EG the Mine, and Knives wreck the town and Knives steals the Plant, Jeneora Rock has no power or water, and they have an enormous quantity of injured and dead people. Rosa blames Vash and kicks him out.

Wolfwood and Vash continually fight because Vash wants Wolfwood to adopt nonviolence, while Wolfwood finds that totally impractical. This creates conflict when Wolfwood kills the giant worm, then again when he shoots Rollo as a mercy, and again when Livio turns up on the steamer. Vash wants Wolfwood to change, even against his own will.

And then there's Knives. //sigh//

Effin Knives... Let's just put a quote here from VeryWellMind:

They also can have problems in their relationships with family and friends, and frequently find themselves being taken advantage of by others. People close to a person with a savior complex just assume that person will take care of them, without any regard to their needs. It can lead to a toxic, one-sided relationship, where your boundaries and feelings are not respected.

🤷‍♀️Negatively affect the person or people you’re trying to help

This is less clear-cut, because lots of people blame Vash for events that others are acually responsible for (chiefly Knives). We could argue that his previous failures lead to people not trusting his intentions, and acting against his saving them... Or we could just talk about Rollo. Vash essentially failed Rollo twice, when he didn't return in time to prevent him being made a child sacrifice, and again 20 years later when Wolfwood shot him as a mercy killing. Vash was angry, but Wolfwood pointed out forcing Rollo to continue living in pain and misery was cruel, and Vash was not able to cure the monstrous changes done to Rollo. Wolfwood feels the killing was actually compassionate, but Vash insists he could have found a solution without killing.

If we call that one a half-point, giving us a 4.5 out of 6 behaviors. Again, SC is not an illness, this is not at all diagnostic, but it's enough to suggest talking to a therapist would be helpful.

There's other self-assesment lists and articles out there, and some lump Hero Complex into the same broad definition as Savior. I had accidentally confused SC with Martyr Complex in an earlier post. The difference really seems be that both people with a Hero or Martyr complex need acclaim or praise for the good deeds they do, but Vash doesn't care about rewards or recognition at all. Rosa said he fixed the plant before for free, and other than food or drink, we never see him ask for payment or even trade in exchange for helping anyone in Trigun Stampede.

---

Please tell me what you think of Part 1. Part 2 will cover the psychology of Vash regarding how his past relates to his beliefs, and if we have time, we can try to get into what that does to his relationships.

[illnessfaker]

Porn addiction is a real thing. Anyone can be addicted to anything, it’s when you over observe a substance where you can’t go without it

Like sex addiction, if you were in constant need of sex at all times every day and you can’t stop thinking about it that’s an addiction. If you can’t go five minutes without porn the buddy you are addicted 

what a disgustingly reductive way of looking at addiction and the human mind! anyway, since you apparently need your hand held:

Pornography addiction is not recognized by the American Psychological Association (APA) as a mental health problem or disorder, like drug or alcohol addiction.

Moreover, according to the DSM-5 (Manual of Mental Disorders — the world's authoritative guide on psychological disorders) pornography and sex addictions are not a psychological disorder. Some disorders the DSM-5 does recognize are addictions to gambling, alcohol, drugs, and most recently, online gaming.

The reason for this comes down to neurochemistry. While watching porn may activate similar pleasure circuits in the brain as, say, alcohol or heroine, most experts agree that doesn't mean you can become addicted to watching porn in the same way.

That's because addiction to substances, for example, not only activates your brain's pleasure circuits, it actually changes your brain chemistry so that you can no longer release feel-good chemicals like dopamine as effectively without the help of the drug you're addicted to.

And as far as researchers can tell, this is not the case for porn addiction. So what's going on instead? The more likely scenario is that porn addiction is more closely related to a type of compulsive, obsessive, or habitual behavior than substance abuse or addiction.

In fact, people develop compulsive, obsessive, and habitual connections to many things in their lives, especially if those things alleviate anxiety or fulfill a sense of longing or loneliness.

There's also the fact of the matter that — much like the rest of sexuality — enjoying erotic content is often done in secret and without context. In fact, most of the US has no or purposefully incorrect sexuality education — especially for young adults. This creates an environment for folks to misunderstand the erotic entertainment they are enjoying.

Therefore, what people refer to as porn addiction is essentially a conflict of values that's leading you to think you're addicted, says Nicole Prause, PhD, a neuroscientist who researches sexual psychophysiology and is a practicing psychologist at Happier Living.

For instance, a large 2020 study published by the APA found that people's cultural, moral, or religious beliefs may lead them to believe they are addicted to pornography, even if they don't actually watch a lot of porn.

"If you think you are struggling with pornography, it is most likely that you are actually struggling with a conflict of your own personal values around your sexual behaviors, and not really the porn itself," says Prause.

you're welcome, buddy.

[magdalune]

tag game: bold the facts! (MARCELINE DAVIES !!)

tagged by @kimorasimz TYSM i've been dyinggg to do this <3

Rules: Tag people and name a character you want to know more about! If you want to let the person you tagged decide who to showcase, then don’t name a character and they can pick somebody. Easy! The person who is tagged will then bold the remarks below which apply to their character &, if they want to, include a picture with their reply!

[ PERSONAL ]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty / N/A

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other (graduated uni w/ computer science degree)

✖ Criminal Records: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between (marcy is a people lover at heart)

♦ disorganized / organized / in between

♦ close minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between (getting stressed or agitated isn't really her thing, moreso allows things to unfold an deals as they come)

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between ("here for a good time not a long one" is something she would say)

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between (just a go with the flow type of gal)

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between (just won't take shit)

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / Alcoholic

☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker

✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict (🍃)

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

**☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

[ BELIEFS ]

★Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / spiritual

☆Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✮Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✯Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

❃Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✧Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious (was raised very religious and her father still is so some of that has stayed with her)

❀Philosophical: yes / no

[ FAMILY ]

◒Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children

◑Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents / not applicable 

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless

**♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious (i think right now relationships developing and becoming 'integral' in her life is far from how she views her partners atm)

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

omg feel so mf free to tag me in this again, this was funn;; tagging: @avornalino @sims4thehoes @afrolatinotrait @jailexiss @neighborhoodstories @lotuso3o @wrixie @aries-sims and YOU reading this !

[beeden96]

Coraline as a Buddhist parable

Last night while I was writing down the Four Noble Truths with a brush pen in my sketchbook (I do stuff like that sometimes), my roommate put on the movie Coraline. This was entirely coincidental but I was struck by how much the themes of the movie relate to everything I've been learning recently about the core teachings of Buddhism.

There is a concept in Buddhism called "right view." It is the first practice in the Eightfold Path. I think of this as referring to a person's understanding and perception of reality. When a person does not see the true nature of reality, they are vulnerable to illusions and delusions, which cause cravings and excessive attachments.

The Other Mother in Coraline has buttons for eyes, and she sews buttons into the eyes of other people who she lures into her illusory reality. She literally lacks "right view," and she tries to force other people to share her distorted view. She craves, and clings, and she wants other people to cling to her, so she offers them the things they crave. She controls others because she is so attached to them.

The moment when all of this hit me was at the end of the movie, when the Other Mother screams, "Don't leave me! Don't leave me! I'll die without you!"

The reason it hit me is because I suddenly saw myself in her. I think a lot of people live like this without realizing it. I am one of those people, or at least I have been. This "I'll die without you!" sentiment can be applied to any kind of addiction. The "You" could be food, it could be alcohol, it could be sex, it could be attention from others, etc. The sentiment behind the Other Mother's words can be related to any pattern of compulsive thought or behavior. But in this movie, and in my own life, that theme most often plays out in relationships with other people. Codependence is a key word to describe the pattern, at least the way I understand it.

I'm trying to develop the inner strength and acceptance of reality, to move beyond that way of existing. It is really painful to live like that. And I found myself feeling sad for the Other Mother, who is trapped in a world (resulting at least in part from her lack of "right view") where she never has enough, is never satisfied, and is never happy. Things change, and everything is impermanent, so clinging and controlling is only ever going to end in heartbreak.

There is a concept in Buddhism of the hungry ghost. They are ghosts who are stuck in a state of constant craving and dissatisfaction, and they can be extremely destructive as a result. I think that the Other Mother is a perfect, almost textbook example of a hungry ghost. I mean, she would literally consume children because she was craving their love so much.

The word "love" here is interesting to me. The cat in Coraline says that the Other Mother loves Coraline and wants to be loved in return. But the word love in this context indicates an unhealthy, all-consuming obsession, rather than mutual respect and care. A really helpful and succinct explanation is actually right in the book (which the movie is based on). Neil Gaiman writes: "It was true. The other mother loved her. But she loved Coraline as a miser loves money, or a dragon loves its gold."

Now, turning my attention to Coraline herself: I see this movie as a story about how Coraline developed "right view" after undergoing a process of reckoning with her previous approach to life. She was unable to accept reality as it was. She was unhappy, and craved a different life with different parents and different friends and different material possessions. She wanted more. And in this way, she was very like the Other Mother.

As a storytelling device, the Other Mother is useful. Characters are useful for illustrating dynamics of growth and change over the course of a narrative. But I think that ultimately, the Other Mother was inside of Coraline, and a part of her. Just as she had been a part of all the other people living in that house who were dissatisfied with their lives. She is a symbol of the attachments and cravings that all people have, taken to their extreme but logical conclusion.

In the first part of the movie, Coraline resists change. She has just moved to a new place, and she has not accepted her new reality. She has trouble connecting with the people around her, who are either overworked and exhausted (her parents), or who she barely knows at all. Because her material and social conditions are not acceptable to her, and she does not yet have "right view," she develops cravings. She lives out those cravings in the fantasy world inhabited by the Other Mother.

Sometime in the early to middle part of the movie, Coraline goes to a shop with her Mom and asks for some colorful knitted gloves. She wants them because nobody else will have them and she thinks they look pretty and interesting. Her Mom says no. This makes Coraline angry, and causes her to go even deeper into the world inhabited by the Other Mother, because that is a world in which she believes her desires can be fulfilled.

Over time, she begins to understand that the Other Mother (this dissatisfied aspect of herself) is not a good person to hang around, and that her perspective on life is warped. She begins to see the dangers of living in delusion, and clinging to sense pleasures. She becomes a firsthand witness to the instability and violence this way of living can create.

So she lets go. She lets go of her expectations, she lets go of her cravings, and instead she decides to honor her love for her parents, which is based in mutual care, rather than obsession and excessive catering to desires. It is only once she lets go of any attachment to an outcome, that she begins to receive the things she originally wanted. Love, care, attention, and even some nice physical items. Her Mom gives her the gloves she wanted as a surprise gift. But now, she is wise enough to appreciate these things for what they are. She can be happy and present in the moment, appreciating the little things while they last.

[findroleplay]

woah, hello, friends !

’m looking to take on a couple long-term partners + threads, and this time i’ve got a couple of broad ideas for oc x oc plots that i’m absolutely chomping at the bit to write ! note : they may sound a bit . . . cheesy ? cliche ? but i’m not searching for kitschy sorts of characters. ideally, i’d like to craft realistic, flawed, and fleshed out characters to make these somewhat cheesy plots a bit more authentic !

before i get to my ideas, a bit about myself : i’m a 22 y/o ( they / them ) adv.lit / novella length writer with 10-ish years of experience, give or take. i am absolutely capable of writing shorter, more concise replies when the scene calls for it, or if we establish a desire for rapid fire responses, however as a general rule of thumb, i tend to get carried away when writing . . . so i like my partners to have a similar enthusiasm for response length ! i’m a discord based roleplayer — i prefer to have entire servers dedicated to our roleplay. i'm big on making mood boards, playlists, edits, etc. so i like to have lots of organization. plus, i like to make friends with the people i write with, so having somewhere we can chat, like an ooc channel, is important to me! at this time, and for my own comfort, i am exclusively interested in writing with writers aged 21 or older. this is a non-negotiable. and, finally, NSFW content is always welcome but never necessary. we can touch on this further one-on-one.

now that all of that hullabaloo is out of the way ! here are a few broad ideas i’m enthusiastic about developing — BUT ! please proceed with caution. the following synopses include brief mention of age gap relationships, infidelity, and power imbalances. nothing explicit, but it is mentioned, or implied. if any of that upsets you, please, move along and take care of yourself !

I CONFUSE INSTINCT FOR DESIRE — ISN'T BITE ALSO TOUCH ?

five long years later, and i'm finally watching succession ! while i don't have the confidence to write any of the canon characters, watching the behind-the-scenes shit-show of conglomerate business has inspired an array of dynamics i'd like to write. specifically, i'm heavily inspired by kendall + roman's characters ( note : i'm literally on like, episode five of season one. this is not a direct, one-to-one interpretation, but rather, inspired by ! ). i'd like to write a character reaching middle age with corporate ambitions, a need to impress their father, a fear of failure, and unhealthy means of coping with the pressure. when i originally began conceptualizing this dynamic, it was the very typical future ceo x assistant dynamic, and while i'm not opposed to that, if you have any strong ideas for the character you'd like to pair against a strong-willed, but insecure business person, i'd love to hear it ! i initially imagined it as an MxF ship, with myself writing the male, as the ambitious businessman, however i could absolutely see it as MxM or MxF should we have any desire to explore themes of compulsive heterosexuality, homo-eroticism, and expectations of oneself along with the inherent themes of age gap and power imbalance that come with this sort of dynamic. anyways, i'd love to know what kind of character you'd like to write against a kendall / roman coded character, and see where we can go from there !

MY REPUTATION'S NEVER BEEN WORSE, SO YOU MUST LIKE ME FOR ME

so — i've never seen nor read daisy jones and the six, however i'm kind of obsessed with the idea of it ! i think it could be entirely entertaining to write a slow, slow burn dynamic between two members of a band who refuse to act on these feelings for one reason or another. are they afraid that admitting their feelings could lead to tensions in the band ? maybe one of them is already in a relationship, maybe both are ? there's so many reasons this could be a sticky situation. while i have more of an idea in my previous synopsis of the character i'd like to play, i don't totally have that for this idea, and would love to develop it together ! open to MxF, MxM, FxF, etc. for this dynamic. ideally, this verse would be a vintage one, taking place anywhere from the 70s to the 90s ? also not opposed to the rockstar x groupie dynamic, but i would want to put enough care and consideration into it to not make it too terribly predictable !

so yeah, after that novel, we've made it to the end ! thanks for sticking with me ! please like this post, and i'll reach out and see if we can figure out a dynamic that works for us :)

( as always, if neither of my ideas caught your eye, but you think we would make good writing partners regardless, feel free to still hit the like button ! i'll hear out just about anything. )

_

[hetaliafangirl21112010]

iceland mental health hc part one

so Iceland is traumatised I mean Icelands one of the only nations who have almost always been exclusively victimised so Iceland Emil whatever the fuck you want to call him definitely has mental health problems from everything and just being under Norwegian and danish control must of been hell but since we don’t have much information on Iceland in Hetalia we can make a lot of hc and this is what I’m doing. this is going to discuss mental illness and trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms so if you find that triggering feel free to skip this I will have more lighthearted hc as well but I’m not one to shy away from darker topic as long as it’s done respectfully and the proper research is done I have spent a lot of time researching these things but if I get anything wrong or you have additional information feel free to tell me and I will change/add it I like to have a lot of information on a characters mental state and everything about them before doing actual in depth hc and aus so I will have a lot of long format things like these before I get to answering asks and making the regular hc as I want to make sure I have this all perfected before I make all these situations and hc NOT ALL WILL BE DEPRESSING

skip to here for hc

c-ptsd:

iceland definitely has c-ptsd now c-ptsd is known as Complex post-traumatic stress disorder and is a mental health condition that can develop if you experience chronic/long-term trauma which iceland definitely has, c-ptsd causes multiple things like anxiety flashbacks nightmares intense emotional responses difficulties sustaining relationships avoidince and detachment from people and environments hypervigilance and persistent feelings of shame, guilt, failure and worthlessness among many other things

I personally think Iceland would experience nightmares and after them need to check on everyone to make sure there safe and everything’s ok this ties back to the hypervigilance. I think he would have flashbacks often and feel really stupid and childish for still being affected by them. He probably feels unsafe at times and does certain things everyday to feel safe and he probably checks in on the Nordics a lot as he’s scared of them being hurt hypervigalince is definitely a common thing with him. He probably avoids certain areas on certain anniversaries as well, he probably can go from being overly clingy towards the Nordics to being very detached and distant whether mental or physical probably both. He has dark humour and it’s very self deprecating and that comes from trying to cope and from constant negative feelings. Some examples are feeling extremely guilty for just leaving Denmark especially during such a time when Denmark was being occupied by Germany he probably goes very distant from Denmark on the anniversary of his independence out of guilt or he’s extremely clingy from guilt obviously he didn’t enjoy being under danish rule and wanted independence but he feels guilty just leaving while Denmark was occupied and in such a terrible situation another example is feeling worthless and likes he’s just an ex colony and that’s all he’ll ever be he may feel as tho he’s really just an object for more powerful countries and empires not to mention not having an army and knowing if he were to be attacked(like war and shit) he’d have to depend on the Nordics and his allies and he hates feeling like he always has to depend on others, he also feels intense shame and gets humiliated and embarrassed easily. He also definitely has anxiety and struggles with panic attacks and anxiety attacks regularly.

Iceland probably has autism but there’s so much to autism that it will get its own separate post

ocd:

ocd stands for Obsessive-compulsive disorder and causes a pattern of unwanted thoughts and fears known as obsessions. These obsessions lead people with ocd to do repetitive behaviors, also called compulsions. These obsessions and compulsions get in the way of daily activities and cause a lot of distress

I personally don’t believe that Iceland would have obsessions but he would definitely have compulsions he would most likely have lots of worries and fears of losing his autonomy his family or friends being hurt or being hurt and colonised again but fear of him or his family being hurt is top of the fucking list he’d most likely have to do very specific things to make sure his is safe like making sure he always has a weapon and constantly going through a routine if checking and locking up the house so it safe when I say that I mean windows door locked and checking certain things and then also calling the Nordics every Friday just to make sure there ok and alive he’d probably do certain rituals from his pagan past just to make sure everything’s ok

dissociation disorders:

there are certain types of dissociation that icelsnd may deal with like Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder Depersonalisation is where you have the feeling of being outside your body and observing your actions, feelings or thoughts from a Birds Eye view . Derealisation is where you feel the world is unreal not that you actually think the world isn’t real but were it doesn’t feel real. People and things around you may seem "lifeless" or "foggy" “unclear”. You can have depersonalisation or derealisation, or both together. It can lasts moments to months

there is also Dissociative amnesia a person with dissociative amnesia will have periods of time where they cannot remember information about themselves or events in their past. They may also forget a learned skill or information. Some people with dissociative amnesia find themselves in a random place without knowing how they got there. They may have travelled there for a reason, or wandered in a confused state. These blank episodes may last minutes, hours or days.

I think Iceland would suffer with both especially depersonalisation during panic attacks anxiety attacks or when in a triggering situation he may also dissociate when having to have triggering conversations or being in triggering scary or traumatising situations were he dissociates to cope or feel safe were he goes to his ‘mental safe place’ he would of probably done this a lot to survive in the past. He probably has dissociative amnesia as well were he can’t remember the more difficult or mentally straining things in his life not remembering much of the Turkish abductions except first being taken and any soothing situations like talking to Turkey especially if he was reassuring him he’d probably not remember huge chunks of his time alone on the island as he was alone and his brain never processed it so he just kinda blocked it out since it’s just mentally straining not tramatic enough to be a constant in his mind of flashbacks and shit but horrible enough it still affects him and he can’t remember

eating issues:

due to famines he probably struggles with food being safe he probably also has safe food from his autism but he definitely struggles with eating whether it’s intentional or not intentional but some food in his mind just is not safe and he can have periods of time were he just forgets to eat because it’s not a priority or he’s been so hyperfixated on something he hasn’t realised how long it’s been or that he’s not eaten (this is very common in autism) again with safe food he probably sometimes feels so overstimulated eating to much again it’s not intentional

self harm:

he does NOT slit his wrists and slitting your wrists is not the only form of self harm self harm is when you harm yourself intentionally or unintentionally and iceland definitely scratches at himself when trying to ground himself is stressing out or having a panic/anxiety attack sh is also when your reckless with your own safety and health which at times icelsnd can be

I will make more parts on his mental health and then his autism then his psyche in general

[mediaevalmusereads]

Alone With You in the Ether. By Olivie Blake. Bramble, 2020.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: literary fiction

Series: N/A

Summary: Two people meet in the Art Institute by chance. Prior to their encounter, he is a doctoral student who manages his destructive thoughts with compulsive calculations about time travel; she is a bipolar counterfeit artist, undergoing court-ordered psychotherapy. By the end of the story, these things will still be true. But this is not a story about endings.

For Regan, people are predictable and tedious, including and perhaps especially herself. She copes with the dreariness of existence by living impulsively, imagining a new, alternate timeline being created in the wake of every rash decision.

To Aldo, the world feels disturbingly chaotic. He gets through his days by erecting a wall of routine: a backbeat of rules and formulas that keep him going. Without them, the entire framework of his existence would collapse.

For Regan and Aldo, life has been a matter of resigning themselves to the blueprints of inevitability—until the two meet. Could six conversations with a stranger be the variable that shakes up the entire simulation?

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: drug use, blood, mild sexual content

OVERVIEW: I don't quite remember how I came across this book, but I decided to give it a chance despite it not being one of my go-to genres. I was intrigued by the role the setting might have played in the story as well as how two very different people might come together. By the end of the book, I wasn't sure how to feel. On the one hand, there were some lovely moments, accentuated by Blake's lyrical prose. There were also some interesting meditations on time and some good character work. On the other, I wasn't quite sure what this story was trying to do. It's not quite a romance, though it is a love story, and it's sort of about coping with mental illness, but in a way I'd consider unhealthy. Maybe it's supposed to be messy that way, so I'm rating this book 3.5 stars; in some respects, this might be just the book readers are looking for, but I can understand how it might leave some feeling empty or confused.

WRITING: Blake's prose is interesting in that it's not afraid to follow threads of scattered thought and revel in the merging of the theoretical and actual. I really liked the way it explored the concept of time and connected that to the relationship between Aldo and Regan, having characters replay scenes in their mind and imagine different realities. Some of the imagery that went with these explorations is also very compelling, and it felt like Blake was playing with philosophy or metaphysics.

I do think, however, that the pace had a tendency to slow down a bit too much. This isn't a dramatic book and the development of the characters is very slow and deliberate; but even so, there were points when I felt like we were treading some of the same roads or standing still in a way that felt unproductive.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows two strangers, Aldo and Regan, who meet at the Art Institute of Chicago and decide to get to know one another. They agree to have six conversations, after which they find they are falling in live and must decide how to proceed.

If you're looking for a romance novel, you won't quite find it here. The vibe I get from this book is less romance and more romantic literary fiction. This isn't a bad thing: just a warning to those thinking of picking it up for the love story.

There were some aspects to this plot that I liked. I liked that it was incredibly character-focused and got into the nitty gritty of what made up a person: their fears, their hopes, what gave them life and pleasure. In that sense, I felt like the protagonists developed a real emotional intimacy.

The story lost me a bit towards the end, however. At about the 60% mark, the relationship started to feel somewhat off to me, and I'm not sure if it was on purpose. I think it was - Blake explores what it means to love another person as well as what it means to have wants versus needs (cravings versus compulsions). But I still think things fell apart somewhat abruptly and came back together in a way that didn't feel entirely genuine. That's just my personal take though, and it's possible I just straight up missed something.

CHARACTERS: Aldo, our male protagonist, is a grad student in theoretical mathematics at the University of Chicago. He is obsessed with the idea of time and "solving" the problem of time travel, and math seems to give his life a kind of structure that feels comforting. At first, I thought Aldo might have been coded as neurodivergent, but I'm not sure; other reviewers will have better interpretations than I can provide. I do think, however, that his reliance on ritual was understandable, and he was likable for how generous he was regarding Regan.

Regan, our female protagonist, was a little more chaotic; when she meets Aldo, she's volunteering at the AI, living with her boyfriend Marc, and attending court-mandated therapy sessions following an arrest. While I appreciated the skill it took to depict Regan's messiness, there were things about her that just didn't click with me. She always seemed to crave new things and defaulted to sex, and while fine, it did start to irritate me when she seemed to demand a lot from other people without giving much in return. Mayne she's flawed in this way, which I can also appreciate, but it doesn't make me like her much.

I do very much respect how Blake developed these two characters and depicted the ups and downs of their relationship. I went back and forth between thinking they were good for one another and thinking they were each other's unhealthy obsessions, which I guess might have been the point. This isn't a fluffy, romantic story in that it portrays two people falling in love and overcoming obstacles; in some respects, the obstacles remain, but their love story is really about learning to see each other and cope with their respective flaws.

Still, there were some things I wish had been handled differently. For one, mental health treatment and medication is portrayed negatively in this book, though from the author's note, it's clear that Blake was writing a character and not trying to make a statement about medication. Still, it felt a little strange to portray someone as only being able to be artistic and feel at peace while not being treated, which seems like a weird point to make. For two, Blake doesn't exactly explore the effect race and class have on these two characters. Both protagonists are mixed race, but their ethnicities and cultures seem to have little bearing on how they moved through the world or affect how their personalities and troubles develop. The same is true for class; Regan is a trust fund kid who doesn't need to worry about working and Aldo comes from a working class background but attends an elite college without thinking much about it. To be fair, Regan does have a moment when she realizes that her art project matters to her because she put in the work herself and didn't have her family throw money at something, but that's about as deep as it gets. There's no reflection on how her wealth might have enabled her to act without consequences or some such.

TL;DR: Alone With You in the Ether is memorable for its strong character work, free-flowing prose, and focus on the concept of time. Whether or not you enjoy this book, however, will depend on your reaction to the messiness of the characters and their relationship.

[wilder-fangirl]

I really do be a compulsive liar when customers try to make conversation with me because i work in a pseudo-prestegious place full of people who know so much about technology and I'm just a person who turned down admission and scholarship into a kinda high level college because I felt pressured by my mother and was too afraid of change to leave home and has chronic burnout at 20.

- are you into software? - what do you mean by that? - well, my daughter is going to college for software development *rambles* - oh. well I'm currently majoring in marketing [at a shitty cheap online school because i'm too afraid I won't be able to keep up with a real college because I'm so lazy] and I'm formally trained as a seamstress [i've spent the last 5 years making couch cushions and once a year i have both the time and inspiration to make a sorta kinda artistic dress or jacket with horrible fucking technique] [not to mention i studied classical piano for 12 years and then i started working full time and i havent practiced for 3 years so all that work went down the fucking drain. i used to be good at one thing. i used to have something that made it so i was caught up with everyone else.]

[when i was in middle school i was in a little inseparable trio of friends. Michael was a professional violinist at 14. He knew taught me how to play Smashbros. Bella's dad was a NASA engineer. She was the most genuinely kind person this world has ever seen, and everyone and every animal loved her. I was the kid who was obsessed with the Scarlet Witch and a christian rock band no one had ever heard of. We drifted apart. Covid happened. I sat on my ass til my mom made me get a job. I feel like that day was yesterday, and i feel like i have never left that job. i feel like i am still racing around a store, trying to keep up with everything everyone was asking from me. i would come home and my feet would ache and i would stare at instagram for hours and form unhealthy bonds with strangers and i would sleep. we came out of it and they had made something of themselves. Michael is going to some college and he has pretty friends and they seem to be really close. Bella was always a homebody. She was always happiest when she was with her family and her birds and she was drawing. She still lives in the same house, and she's a graphic design major, and she has more birds. And she is happy. Michael hasn't responded to any of my texts in three years. I tend to leave Bella on read for months at a time.

I wasted a year in a 15 by 15 foot box. i slept and i became mean and so lonely. I lived thursday to thursday when I could see the pretty boy who made my world turn and make me believe i had a future. I thought I won too. all of a sudden after wishing for them for years, i had friends who loved me and who i loved. i was a valuable and valued part of a whole, just like i always wanted. and just as suddenly as those friends came, i wanted to push them away. i've ghosted all but two of them. I think this is who i've always been. an isolated half-person who's chained to a lit screen who talks about freedom but never pursues it.

But at least I have this job, right mom? at least i have a path to a future if i don't fuck it up. but sometimes she comes out when i'm within those silver walls. sometimes the girl who says she longs for people but sits alone in the corner even when people ask her to come out appears again. sometimes the girl who spent every day in the woods and every night in the biggest pile of stuffed animals you've ever seen is in the blue shirt and looking at the ipad and she is on the verge of tears and she doesn't know why or how she's here.

I live and work in the place of my childhood's ghost and i can see every stage of my life all at once and i call feel my inadequacy so intensely. i'm the youngest and most inexperienced person there and everyone treats me like their child or their little sibling and i love it but it makes me feel like i child and i get so scared of fucking up so i work harder than anyone else and dear God help me i am so tired and i give them everything so i have nothing to give to anyone or anything else, not even you. God i am so afraid i am trying so hard God I am a child trapped in an adults body just as i was an adult trapped in the body and mind of a child GOD WHY DID YOU MAKE US LIKE THIS. why do i constantly feel like i need to check my bank account even though i live at home and hardly pay bills and why do i ignore my friends and all their love why am i too tired to even text them back why did you make me think i am a loving person when i am really just some kind of skittish, reclusive animal that sometimes has delusions of being a man why can't i breathe in my dreams? i lie and i overcompensate and i achieve and i work and i am so lazy its like a profession.

everyone i work with is so incredible and they're so good at what they do and they have lives and hobbies and jobs outside of ours and they're sociable and friendly and interesting and extroverted and have significant others and families and have dreams and work towards them and do so much with their lives. i'm nothing besides my work. i come home and i watch tv and i play my little wizard game and tell myself i'll do something soon

my cousin is in harvard medical school and i write notes that a person cracked their phone screen and i try to explain to old people that they have to remember their passwords 30 times a day. my cousin is in mother fucking harvard medical school and i am on my bathroom floor writing to no one instead of making something of myself. he's the only person my age i share any genetics with. i cant help but see how differently we turned out. his father is a lawyer who works in DC and my father is a copywriter who still thinks he can work for WWE like he's dreamed of for the past 40 years. His mother is a cancer survivor and a statistician. my mother is an abusive bipolar orphan who has lived through horrors at the hands of every person who was supposed to love her. my cousin survived prep school AP classes and i survived living in my own head after being SA'd and having no one help me cope. what a fucking gamble life is

[thefaceless-man]

A lot of people may have unhealthy relationships with porn consumption involving compulsively looking at porn to the detriment of other aspects of your life that are more accurately described as OCD than addiction. If you have constant intrusive thoughts about being wrong about your sexual orientation that are alleviated by looking at pornography and/or masturbating to it, so not looking at pornography constantly makes you anxious and you find that your compulsive consumption of pornography is getting in the way of other aspects of your life, you probably have sexual orientation-related OCD!

Paedophile-OCD is a rather infamous variation on this, but the intrusive thoughts can be about any aspect of your sexuality being 'wrong'. The most well-documented example is straight men having intrusive thoughts about being gay, but if you're (for example) a bisexual person who develops these kind of compulsions in response to 'bisexual imposter syndrome', that still counts!

Speaking from experience, this is a really unpleasant mental health issue that can look a lot like 'porn addiction' from the outside, but the 'addiction' framework really isn't an accurate way of describing what's going on.

I think there's a parallel to be drawn here with the concept of 'sugar addiction' in the sense that binge eating is technically a real mental illness symptom that some people struggle with, but applying the 'food addiction' framework is a completely inaccurate and unhelpful way of describing what is, in reality, an eating disorder, which requires a completely different treatment plan than an addiction. Neither sugar nor pornography are actually 'addictive', and the common perception that they are has more to do with stigma around fatness/sexuality than reality.

"ethical issues with its production aside, it's not bad for you in a vacuum, but you may overuse it in a way that's harmful to you and/or fall victim to social norms and taboos around it in a way that's harmful to your mental and physical health" accurately describes most drugs.

Tbh i think “overuse” is a word that strongly oversimplifies what’s going on. The typical self-described “porn addict” doesn’t actually look at porn at higher rates than average people, they just feel fucked up over looking at any porn. In that case you can’t really say there’s an issue with being a hyper-consumer but rather their context

That aside this also describes most things and is the rational kernel in the popular platitude of “anything can be an addiction”. A person who feels they must attend (mainstream) religious services everyday and spend hours each day involved in religious services and this badly damaged their ability to have a social life and if they don’t their anxiety skyrockets would show symptoms that look at lot like the pop understanding of “addiction” but these people aren’t usually lumped in with “porn addicts” bc this is not a stigmatized action

[accesscounselling]

A Beginner’s Guide to Getting Psychotherapy in Dublin

Divorce, domestic violence, bullying, substance abuse, eating disorders, depression, and anxiety — today’s world can be tough on anyone. When suffering from these hardships, it is easy to believe that you’re alone – the only one going through what you’re experiencing. The feeling of isolation can cause you to retreat, making your situation worse.

But the thing is that you are not alone. More importantly, unlike decades ago, you don’t have to use a generic self-help guide to deal with your issues. You can get psychotherapy in Dublin to get on the right track. Talking to a professional can help you resolve whatever challenges you are going through or overcome your mental problems.

What Is Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy is a form of therapy that helps people overcome mental health issues and improve their overall quality of life. Also called talk therapy, it is a process where one person—the client or patient—works with a trained mental health professional (the therapist or counsellor) to explore troubling issues and work towards resolving them.

This form of treatment helps you learn and grow by taking a closer look at your problems. But you won’t just talk about your issues. You will also learn how to cope with them and make changes that will improve your life.

Psychotherapy can help you deal with everything, from depression and anxiety to relationship problems and career issues. It’s a safe place for exploration and self-discovery where you’ll work with a qualified counsellor or therapist equipped to help you navigate what you are going through.

Remember, the goal of psychotherapy is not only to help you feel better but also to give you skills that will help you live more effectively in the future.

What Conditions or Issues Are Treated With Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy is a very versatile treatment option because it can be tailored to your needs.

It is used to treat or resolve the following mental health conditions effectively:

Depression

Bipolar disorder

Anxiety

Phobias

Panic disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder

Personality disorder

Schizophrenia

Psychotherapy is also used to treat eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia, as well as addictions like drug dependence and alcoholism.

In addition, talk therapy can help you deal with challenging life situations, such as conflicts with your partner and the death of a loved one. It can also help you cope with stressful situations.

Simply put, psychotherapy is not just for people suffering from mental illness. It is also for those who feel stuck in their lives and want help figuring out how to move forward.

What Kinds of Psychotherapy Are Available in Dublin?

There are many types of psychotherapy in Dublin, and it can be confusing to know which type is best for you. But fret not, as you can always consult your counsellor or therapist about which type can benefit your case more.

Kinds of Psychotherapy

Here’s a quick breakdown of the most common types:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

This type of therapy focuses on helping you learn to change negative thought patterns that may be contributing to your symptoms or difficulties. It also helps you recognise and change unhealthy behaviours.

Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on understanding why you feel the way you do and identifying how past experiences have shaped your present behaviour. It can help you get in touch with feelings that may have been buried for a long time.

Interpersonal Therapy

This type of therapy helps patients understand how their relationships affect their health and well-being. It can help people develop better communication skills so they can improve relationships both at home and at work.

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)

This is type of cognitive behavioural therapy that was developed specifically for treating borderline personality disorder (BPD). Currently, it is used for high-risk and tough-to-treat cases. It involves mindfulness skills such as acceptance and validation, interpersonal effectiveness skills such as assertiveness training and distress tolerance skills such as emotion regulation (e.g., meditation).

Family therapy

Family therapy helps families understand how each person’s problems affect other members’ lives and how their relationships impact each other’s well-being.”

Psychotherapy Methods and Formats

While it is called talk therapy, psychotherapy also involves other methods, such as art, dance and drama. So, depending on your counsellor or therapist, you won’t just be talking during your sessions.

Also, different psychotherapy formats are available. The therapy could be done one-on-one or in a group setting, which is usually the case for family therapy. Nowadays, apart from traditional face-to-face sessions, psychotherapy can be done online.

How Much Does Psychotherapy Cost in Dublin?

In trusted clinics like Access Counselling, the cost of psychotherapy starts at €75. This is typically for a 50-minute session with a qualified psychotherapist.

There are several factors that affect the cost of psychotherapy in Dublin. For one, it can vary depending on where you live or get your therapy. If you’re in Dublin city centre or another major hub such as Cork or Galway, then chances are that prices will be higher than if you were living somewhere rural like Westmeath.

Another factor that affects cost is the therapist’s experience. Some therapists charge more because they have been practising longer than others.

The number of sessions you need can also impact your overall therapy expense. Basically, the more sessions you have, the higher the cost.

It is worth mentioning though some clinics offer sliding scale and low-cost psychotherapy for those with financial difficulties. This means that cost shouldn’t stand in the way of you getting quality therapy services.

How Do You Find the Right Psychotherapist for You in Dublin?

Finding the right psychotherapist might seem challenging — and it is. But it’s also a process that can be incredibly rewarding, particularly when you find the right counsellor or therapist.

So how do you find the right therapist or counsellor in Dublin? First off, it’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to psychotherapy—different people prefer different therapeutic approaches. So, start by asking yourself what kind of treatment would best meet your needs. Do you want someone who primarily focuses on talk therapy? Or maybe someone who also utilises art therapy?

Once you have decided on a type, it’s time to look for someone who specialises in that area and has experience working with people with the same condition or issues as you.

Start by asking friends and family if they know any counsellor or therapist they would recommend. If that doesn’t pan out, you can search online for therapists in Dublin based on your needs. You can use Google or other search engines and put phrases like “family counsellor Dublin” or “depression therapist Dublin” into them to see what comes up.

Look at professional reviews on websites to learn about psychotherapy practices in Dublin. You can look through each review to see if it’s written by someone with similar problems (e.g., depression or anxiety). The information you gather here can help you create a shortlist.

Once you’ve narrowed your list to a few potential therapists, it’s time to make the call. Let them know you’re interested in exploring therapy and ask about an initial consultation.

What Can You Expect on Your First Psychotherapy Session in Dublin?

Getting psychotherapy is a big first step toward feeling healthier and happier. But if you’re new to the process, going to your first session can be nerve-wracking. Knowing what to expect during the appointment can help you feel at ease.

Below, we’ve listed some of the things that may happen during your first psychotherapy session and the succeeding appointments.

First Session

The first meeting is a chance for you to find out what psychotherapy is really like before committing long-term. More importantly, it is an opportunity to get to know your counsellor or therapist and see if there’s chemistry—and if so, you’ll probably be comfortable enough to begin working together. You can expect the following to happen during this session:

The therapist will meet with you and introduce themselves.

They will collect information about your mental health history, symptoms and family background. They will ask about medications or supplements you are taking that may be affecting you.

The therapist will ask why you wanted to get psychotherapy.

There will be a discussion on your therapy goals and expectations.

They will go over the ground rules for the sessions to ensure that everyone feels safe and comfortable.

The therapist will talk to you about the psychotherapy process and what you can expect from them.

You and the therapist will discuss the schedule, specifically how often you want to meet and when you’re available for appointments.

You are encouraged to ask questions.

Succeeding Sessions

The second session is when the real work begins! This is when the therapist starts asking questions about how you’re feeling and why—and really listening to what you have to say.

The therapist will also ask questions about what’s going on in your life currently, including things like relationships with family members or friends, work and school stressors, etc.

They will also give you feedback on how they think things are going so far. You’ll probably also have homework after the sessions. This may include writing every day about things that make you feel good or taking time daily to do something you love.

How Do You Prepare for Your First Psychotherapy Session?

Preparing for your first session will help ensure that both you and your therapist have the best possible experience.

Here are some tips to help you get started:

Try to schedule your appointment at a time when you feel most relaxed. This can help make you feel at ease and able to focus on the therapy process.

Write down any questions you may have before going into the session. Doing this will help keep your conversations focused and productive.

Identify what issue you need help with and the goals you want to achieve. The more specific your goals are, the better equipped your therapist will be able to help you achieve them.

List down your expectations. Having realistic expectations about therapy can help set the stage for a successful treatment.

Be prepared to talk about yourself—but don’t worry if you feel like talking about yourself isn’t easy for you at first.

Make sure there are no distractions during the session, including phones. This is important as interruptions can break the “flow” of the therapy or conversation.

In conclusion, psychotherapy is a powerful tool that can help you find clarity and peace. It allows you to work through difficult emotions and thought patterns so that you can live your best life.

So, if you feel like something is missing in your life or that something needs to be addressed and resolved, don’t wait – get started with your therapy as soon as possible.

Are you ready to start psychotherapy in Dublin? Call us today on 015240708 or 014303631 to schedule your first session with our qualified therapist!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, first of all, thank you for putting in so much time (years even) to helping people and sharing your insights. It’s really thoughtful of you and I feel happy that there is someone out there I can write to, you can give thoughtful advice.

Here’s my question: I am INFJ. What do you do when you have Ni fatigue? I ask this because I’ve noticed that my Ni requires a lot of brain power to work through and think through things. When I truly use Ni, I can sieve through things and get some pretty useful insights. But honestly, I can’t do it 24/7. And Ni being the dominant function, would mean that it would “default” to the lower functions which are not as developed when my brain is tired. That’s when problems lurk because my brain is telling me that I need my me time, but my Fe now starts to tell me that I am not interacting with the people around me and they are going to find me boring etc.

Usually this is not a problem when I have Ni around to assess the situation, but my brain is tired of analysing that I just don’t. Maybe this is not supposed to happen, maybe I am overusing Ni? I usually spend most of my waking hours analysing with Ni, which could definitely be the problem. So, maybe there should be a boundary to using Ni only at certain times of the day or situations, just like setting boundaries when listening to people so you don’t get too emotionally fatigued? If so, what how would it be like?

Contradictory to my own conclusion about setting a boundary for Ni, I would find it odd for the dominant function to not be present when it is needed just because the situation is not a priority or because it is too brain intensive to spare for thinking. Anyway, I would like to hear your thoughts on how you manage Ni “fatigue” or if you actually don’t and I’m missing something…. Thank you :)

--------------------

You're missing something...

1) It seems your knowledge of the functions is still lacking because you have not properly distinguished between Ni and Ti. The words I have highlighted indicate a judging function being used, not a perceiving function. Thus, the fatigue likely stems from using a lower function too much, which requires a lot of mental energy.

2) Your "analyzing" sounds like it might border on unproductive. I say "might" because you haven't given examples or specified what you're analyzing and why. Using Ni+Ti can easily veer into Ni-Ti loop. Remember that people often don't realize they're in tertiary loop because it is a manifestation of unconscious activity. Can you tell the difference between "thinking" and "overthinking"? If you can't, it's a problem. Overthinking is maladaptive because it stops you from living life smoothly, such as simply: being who you are, going with the flow, doing what needs to be done, doing what you want to do, etc.

3) Using functions optimally involves having the self-awareness to understand why you're using the function. Related to point #2, what is the purpose of all that "analyzing"? Do you feel as though you must do it? Can you stop doing it and still be perfectly fine? If not, there's something awry. Are you actually describing an unhealthy defensiveness or compulsion?