#here i'm limited by my vocabulary

[janebonbon]

new years resolution,,,,,,,,,,, draw more barnaby. end post

[colorstormx]

Is the zh in zhe pronounced like the Russian ж, or is just like a z and the h means nothing?

For Storm's pronouns? I'm not very familiar with Russian at all, but after looking up some pronunciations I think ж is pretty similar to what I'm going for, yeah

[bbq-potato-chip]

I have another ask. What was your first ever Legend of Zelda game? Also what is your favorite one ?

BoTW was my first ever zelda game! I got it when it first came out on WiiU in 2017, although I didn't really play it myself until long after lol, but its still very near and dear to my heart.

Not to be one of those people, but BotW would probably be my favorite because it was really the first video game i really played myself. The story is just so important to me and the excitement I felt whenever I'd explore a new area or even find anew korok or npc out in the wilderness felt so special! Finding the memories felt so special too- slowly uncovering zelda and link's relationship and watching zelda gradually warm up to him and then seeing the final memories was just so good, on top of slowly rediscovering the champion's relationships with link and zelda.

Uncovering the story piece by piece was such an interesting way to do the story because. You ARE link and you slowly begin to understand who these people are and what they meant to you. You know at first that there were these people who knew you that died. You know that there's a princess waiting for you, but you don't really know who she is. But you try to help out anyway. and then you realize. Oh. these people were my friends. The princess loved me. Now I have a reason to fight. And now, after I fight, they can rest in piece. To a certain extent, the story can be subjective to the player and it can be personal to the link as much as the player (ignore the momires just fight the bosses dont even save the champions etc) likes I suppose, but I really think that the way the game subtly directs the player to do things and narrative itself is personal to link and his relationships with zelda and the Champions...which is just so...special i think.

Skyward sword is also one of my favorites (although i haven't completed it...I'm almost at the end but i got scared...dont look at me), and I like totk (although i have some issues with the story and themes as compared to botw) and while I haven't player wind waker or Oot, but I'd really like to! I've watched the cut scenes for many of the big zelda games, but there are many I haven't played that I certainly would like to. But I still think BotW would remain my favorite.

[bucks-babe]

I’ve been here before lol. I just had to let you know, your virgin Bucky stories live rent free in my head. I hope one day to see him become… not a virgin 👀 if you feel like writing it of course ❤️

Pairing: Virgin!Bucky x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, smut, loss of virginity, slightly sub Bucky, soft!dom reader, riding, multiple orgasms (both), overstimulation, fingering, p in v, unprotected sex (Don’t do that), copious amounts of cum, like so much, Bucky has a big dick, cumming untouched, cumming in boxers, ball riding (I know, there’s something wrong with me), crying during sex (Bucky this time, not reader lol), crying after sex, aftercare, Bucky is so sweet, taking care of Bucky, washing Bucky’s hair (This is a warning), my limited ass vocabulary (It’s a warning), actual brain rot, no use of Y/N, check tags at the bottom

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: This has been in the works for so long but I took so damn long to finish it. I would have never guessed that so many of yall would be so invested in this story and Bucky’s journey. This is not the last you will see of these two, don’t worry. I think we should give them each a nickname. Leave a comment on what each of their names should be. Legit just had them call each other baby this entire fic. If I end up giving them nicknames, I’ll go back and put them in for all their stories. Anyway, enjoy!

As you slowly open your eyes, feeling the warmth and comfort of Bucky's embrace, a sense of safety washes over you. His strong arms are wrapped tightly around you. As you turn to face him, you see that Bucky is already awake, his deep blue eyes gazing at you with adoration and love. You can feel the rhythm of his breathing, steady and soothing against your skin. In this moment, nothing else matters except for the love and contentment you feel in each other's arms

"Good morning," he whispers, his voice husky with sleep. The sunlight filters through the window, casting a gentle glow upon his face, accentuating the lines of worry etched there.

With a small smile, you shift closer to him, reveling in the intimacy of the moment. "Good morning," you reply softly, tracing circles on his chest.

Bucky's fingers instinctively tighten around you, as if afraid to let go. "Last night... I didn't mean to let go like that" he admits shyly, his cheeks flushing a rosy hue. "I didn't know I was into that." Bucky felt embarrassed, not being used to letting go and having someone else take care of him. It was such a foreign feeling, yet he loved it, being able to trust someone completely, trusting you more than he does himself. Your heart swells at his vulnerability.

"Oh Bucky, it's okay. I liked it, I liked taking care of you. There's nothing to be ashamed about."

Bucky's eyes soften, relief flooding his features as he takes in your words. "You liked it?" he asks, his voice tinged with both surprise and hope.

A gentle nod escapes you, your fingers continuing their soothing motion on his chest. "Yes, Bucky. I enjoyed every moment of it," you reassure him, your voice filled with sincerity.

He exhales a breath he didn't realize he was holding, a weight lifting off his shoulders. "I've never let myself be vulnerable like that before," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm scared of losing control."

A tender smile graces your lips as you cup his cheek, caressing it with your thumb. "Bucky, being vulnerable doesn't mean losing control. It means trusting someone enough to let them in, to share yourself completely." Your words carry the weight of understanding and acceptance.

He gazes at you, his blue eyes reflecting a mixture of desire and hesitation. "I don't want to disappoint you, you know? You've been with experienced men before who knew how to pleasure you. I'm not sure if I can do the same for you." The poor thing was terrified of letting you down. He loves you so much, but what if he can’t please you? Would you leave him for someone better? How many people would even want to be with a man who knows almost nothing about pleasing a woman? 

Your hand reaches out to cup Bucky's cheek, your thumb brushing across his rough stubble. His skin is warm and soft under your touch. As you sit up, your hand still resting on Bucky's chest, feeling the faster beat of his heart under your palm. His skin is warm and smooth against your fingertips, a reassuring and comforting touch.

"Last night you gave me the most intense orgasm I've ever experienced with a man. Those other men? They think that one trick that worked on one woman will work on every woman. But you, my love? You listened to me and my body, which is more than most men can say."

Your voice softens as you look into Bucky's eyes, seeing the raw emotion and vulnerability that lies within them. "Bucky, I don't want to give you the impression that you're not enough. You were amazing last night, and I’m glad that you trust me enough to share that part of yourself."

His eyes soften, a look of gratitude and relief washing over him. He leans in to kiss your forehead, his hand brushing against your cheek, his thumb tracing the outline of your lips. "Thank you," he whispers, the words feeling like a heavy weight finally lifting off his shoulders. He takes a deep breath, and you can see a newfound confidence and determination in his eyes. "I want to learn, to be better for you. To make you feel the way you felt last night, every time."

A smile tug at the corner of your lips as you lean in to kiss him gently. "I believe in you, Bucky. And I know that you'll learn and grow, just like you did last night. And I’ll be right there to show you how." With a reassuring nod, Bucky pulls you into a deep and passionate kiss, his hands cradling your face. The warmth of his touch sends a shiver down your spine.

Slowly, he pulls away from the kiss, leaving behind a trail of electric energy on your lips. "I want to make love to you today," he whispers. "I want to give you everything I have, and show you just how much I care." Your heart swells with love for the man who would give you anything.

“Are you sure, Bucky? We don’t have to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing. I’m perfectly fine waiting for you, however long it takes.” You cup his face, staring into his eyes, seeing determination yet anxiety in his eyes. He wants to do this, have you be his first and only, he’s sure of it.

“Yes. I want more, I want everything with you. Last night, making you feel good, it sparked something in me. I want to do it again. Fuck, you looked so sexy when you came.” Just at the thought of the taste of your pussy and the image of you writhing on the bed in pleasure makes his cock throb, filling with blood. The feel of your naked breasts pressed against him is doing nothing to stop it either.

“If you’re sure, baby, we will. You want to follow my lead or experiment by yourself?” The thought of you trusting him enough to let him do whatever he wants to your body makes him whine, bucking his hip into your bare core, the boxers doing little to hinder the feeling on his sensitive dick.

“Want to follow you, please.” As you take the covers of the pair of you, Bucky’s eyes go right to your tits, hands moving on their own accord to cup them. You’re proud that he was comfortable enough to touch you without hesitancy. 

You roll onto your back, Bucky following without a second thought, hands still on you, Bucky sits on his knees, admiring the view of your spread pussy. “I want you to finger me. You remember how, baby?” Of course Bucky remembers how, he remembers how much it made you moan and wiggle on the bed, how you were clenching on them when you came, how fucking tight you got. Bucky nods, right hand moving to your pussy. He needs to use his right hand, needs to feel how wet and tight you are. 

Thumb moving to your slit, he gathers the wetness that has been pooling there since you felt his hard cock through his boxers and drags it up to your clit, rubbing it just the way you taught him, the small gasp that leaves your lips lets him know he’s doing it right. His eyes can’t leave your pussy, memorized by the wetness leaving it. He trails his middle and ring finger down and slowly enters you, cock somehow getting even harder at your feel.

His metal hand comes down to rub your clit as his fingers speed up, wanting you to cum so fucking bad. “Just like that, baby. You’re doing so fucking well. Making me feel so good.” Bucky can feel his heavy balls pulling up, cum about to burst from his cock, hips thrusting in the air, meeting nothing. Heat creeps up his cheeks, he knows he’s going to cum before you without even touching anything. He wants so fucking bad to jerk his cock, coaxing his huge load out, but he can’t leave your pussy.

You clench tights around him, your orgasm building up as well. Bucky can’t handle it, the way your head hits the pillows, eyes closed in pleasure, moans getting higher in pitch. Within seconds, Bucky’s cock bursts, cum pouring from his tip, immediately soaking the front of his boxers, leaking down until it lands on the bed, his moans louder than yours. At the sound of his pleasure you cum, clit twitching under his fingers, waves upon waves passing through you. 

As you come down from your orgasm, you realize that Bucky is still cumming. “Baby, why won’t it stoppp, fuckk, please, feels so fucking good, shitt, please.”At his words the last of him cum dribbles out. The sight of his flushed cheeks and the soaking wet boxers almost makes you cum again. Sitting up, you push Bucky off the bed until he stands, taking off his underwear and pulling him back onto the bed, laying him down.

“You still want to do anything else, baby?” You desperately want to have his cock inside of you, have him cumming that much in your pussy, letting it leak out all over his balls down to the bed, but if he doesn’t want to go any further you’ll stop, no questions asked.

“Oh fuck yes! Want you to ride me please.” The whole of his sentence comes out as a moan, cock still sensitive and hard, ready for you to take it however you please. Straddling him, you grab him lining him up with your pussy. You look at him and at his nod, you start to sit on him. As soon as the tip breaches you, he cums, and he cums hard. “OH SHIT! FUCK, YES! FUCK I’M CUMMING!” He’s practically screaming, but he can’t find it in himself to care, the most intense orgasm of his life coursing through him. 

Hands flying to your hips, he pulls you all the way down, bucking into you with so much force you have to grab the headboard. “ OH FUCKING SHIT!  DON’T FUCKING STOP! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!” It’s not like you could even if you tried, only option to take his assault, and fuck if it doesn’t feel amazing. Your moans almost match his in volume, pussy still trying to adjust to the size of him, balls slapping against your ass. After a few seconds, you already feel his cum being forced out of you to make room for his cock. His cum now all over both of your sexes, his balls, your ass, and the bed.

His orgasm lasts minutes, the amount of cum leaving his cock never slowing down, hips never stop slamming into yours. During his orgasm, you cum too, the sight was so hot you couldn’t help yourself. When your pussy was clenching around him so tight he somehow got louder. Eventually, he orgasm abated and his hips stopped, laying limb on the bed. 

Shame washed over him, at how much he lost himself to his orgasm, how rough he was with you. “I’m so sorry, baby. Please tell me you’re okay. Please tell me I didn’t hurt you.” 

“Fuck, Bucky, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.” Bucky’s eyes widen, not expecting you to be so turned on by his orgasm. His cock was still rock hard inside of you, giving you an idea. “What position do you want to do next?” Bucky almost cums again at those words, he knows what he wants, but is almost embarrassed to ask. However, his cock is thinking for him, washing away his inhibitions.

“Can you ride me?” You just smile and start to pick up your hips but he stops you. “From the back.” You throb at that. He wants to watch your ass bounce on him. 

You pull off, hissing at the empty feeling and turn around. You grab his cum soaked balls and you feel them twitch in your palm. Pulling them up you turn your head to Bucky. “Do me a favor and close your legs for me.” He doesn’t ask a single question and does so immediately. You let his balls fall on top of his legs and put his cock right back in, not waiting a second to start bouncing, grinding your clit on his slick balls at the end of every bounce.

“Oh, fuck. How does your ass move like that, shit. Looks so sexy.” His hands ghost over your cheeks, not knowing what to do with the sight in front of him.

“Smack my ass, baby.” He groans, and lays a light slap to your right cheek. “Harder, Bucky. Leave your mark on me.” His Oh shit is ignored as he slaps you a little harder, still not hard enough, cock pulsing at the sight of your ass bouncing, feeling it move under his hands. “Don’t be a little pussy, baby. Give it a slap like a fucking man.” Maybe it was a little mean, but you needed to feel his hand coming down on you. His near constant moans get louder, clearing enjoying the degradation. The next slap is hard. “Yes, little harder, baby. Fuck! Just like that, keep going. Don’t stop, want your handprints all week.”

He keeps going, smacking you harder each time. His balls rubbing on your clit pull up and he cums once again. This time, though, he pulls out, jerking his cock, cumming all over your ass. “Fucking shit! Wanted me to mark your fucking ass? Well I’m fucking doing it. Cumming so much. Maybe I’ll just stick my dick in your ass and cum in there too.” You don’t know where that came from, but it makes you ride his balls faster, ass jiggling as he continues to cum on it. “That’s so fucking hot, keeping moving that fat ass on me.” You really don’t know where his dirty mouth is coming from but you don’t care because holy hell is it hot.

 Seconds later, Bucky can’t take it anymore and shoves his cock back in your pussy, spreading his legs back out and planting them on the bed so he can fuck up into you. With your ass moving so much with his thrusts, his cum is going everywhere. Bucky lands a hard slap to your cheeks, smacking his cum into them, spreading it all around.

Just like before, he cums for minutes, cum flowing out of your pussy. The entire of both of your hips and your ass and the bed is completely drenched with his cum. When he’s done he pulls you off his cock and spins you around so you’re facing him again. “Baby, my cock is still so fucking hard, I don’t know what to do.” You coo at him, setting your hand against his cheek.

“Don’t worry, baby, I got you.” Instead of slipping his cock back into you, you grind against it, with every roll of your hips his sensitive tip rubs your clit. “Does this feel good, baby?”

“Uh huh, so good.” You see his adam's apple bob and his bottom lip wobble. The feral part of his brain that was fucking you earlier is gone, now your sweet boyfriend is left. He’s not even looking at the way his tip pops out between your folds, no, he’s staring right into your eyes. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against him, every part of your body touching his in some way.

You rest your forehead against his and meet his gaze, tears spilling over and running down the sides of his face. You gently wipe them away but they keep coming. One of his hands goes in between your bodies pushing his cock back inside its home, your warm walls enveloping every inch, both of you gasping. Bucky can’t decide if he wants to keep going or stop, a twinge of pain biting its way up his cock, but you just feel too good. He can’t leave your pussy, needing to cum one last time. The slow grind of your hips never speeds up, gently fucking him, no, making love to him.

Bucky tries to kiss you but the pleasure you’re giving leaves him putty in your hands. The kiss is sloppy and wet, but one of the best kisses you’ve ever had, feeling the words neither of you can get out at the moment. The hairs at the base of his cock rub your clit, building up your final orgasm, Bucky not long behind, trying to hold out for you.

“You’re okay, baby. Want you to cum for me, not far behind.” Any restraint left in Bucky’s body disappears, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he cums for the last time.

“Fuckkk, baby, love you so much, please, I need you to cum for me. Need it so bad.” The slow roll of his tears before shifts to full on sobs, pleasure too much. You pull yourself off his cock, knowing that it’s now too much for him. “No, no, I need you to cum, please.” Your hand trails down your body, fingers rubbing your clit, the sight of you makes Bucky whine, and pull you down into a kiss, where you cum, moaning into his mouth. 

You roll the both of you over, placing Bucky’s head on your chest, lightly scratching his scalp, tracing shapes on his back with your other hand. When his tears subside, Bucky is the first to speak. “Thank you for taking care of me.” 

You feel a lump form in your throat. Of course you would always take care of him. There is nothing that you wouldn’t do for him. “I love you so much, Bucky. I could never hurt you, only want to give you the best in life. After all you’ve done for me, it’s the least I could do.” Bucky doesn’t say anything after that, not knowing what to say, not being used to such unbridled love. 

A few minutes pass before the amount of cum and sweat surrounding you gets uncomfortable. “Come on, baby, lets get cleaned up.” Bucky whines but complies anyway. “Get the shower started for me? I’ll change the bed.” He nods and heads to the shower. You work as fast as you can to get the sheets off and a fresh set on. Still naked you run to the washroom and throw the soiled sheets in the wash and start it before running back to the bathroom. 

Bucky is waiting outside of the shower for you, eyes still red from crying, almost shying away from you. Grabbing his hand you lead him into the hot water. “You did so good for me, Bucky. Made me feel incredible. You know, if that was your first time, I’m going to need help from the gods to handle you when you practice more.” That gets a small smile from him. “Don’t get all bashful on me, big man, after you rocked my world back there.”

“Stop it, baby.” His words hold no heat to them, secretly loving your complements. “You did too, rocked my world, you know? Didn’t know it could feel that good. There isn’t anyone else I would rather do that with.” He’s going to make you cry one of these days, saying all this sweet shit to you, and you know he means every single word of it.

“Yeah? How do you feel? Feel okay? I know that was a lot for you.” He dips his head down when you reach for his shampoo, letting you wash his hair, then grabbing the soap and lathering the wash cloth, running it along his body. At the feeling of your soft hands on his body, taking care of him after he gave himself over to you, Bucky can’t respond, too caught up in your love. “Bucky?” Your hands stop, fearing the worst at his silence.

“Feel so good, baby. I…” Bucky chokes up, tears resurfacing. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. You pull him to you, hugging him until he stops. “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I just, you make me feel so safe, I can’t control myself, I just feel, you know?” You know because he makes you feel the same way.

“Yeah, I do, baby, I do.” 

“Can I wash you?” After you took care of him, Bucky wants to do the same for you, never wanting you to feel like he was using you. You nod and Bucky takes extra care to get all of his cum off of you, cleaning you up just like you did to him. By the time you’re done in the shower, the water’s cold. Bucky takes a towel and wraps you up first. Before he can reach for his, you take it and dry him off. 

“What do you want to do now? We can cuddle, get something to eat, watch a movie, whatever you want.” You know how important aftercare is, especially when Bucky was feeling so vulnerable after his first time. 

“Can we just cuddle?” He looks almost scared to ask you for such a simple gesture.

“Of course we can.” Taking your hand, Bucky leads you to the bed, foregoing clothes. You pull the blankets up and let him rest his head on your chest, listening to the beat of your heart and steady breathing. Not too long after you hear his light snoring and know he’s asleep, you following soon after in the arms of the love of your life, excited to experience all of Bucky’s firsts with him, seeing him grow, not only in experience, but also confidence.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

100 songs to get to know me

I posted this image over on the bluesky, and it got like 100 likes, so now here we are. I was going to write them all up here, but Tumblr imposes a 10 video limit on embeds per post which I find infuriating.

So! You can read the first ten entries here, but you can read the entire list here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

1. ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me

I genuinely don't quite know if my enjoyment of ABBA is something I came by honestly, or something which is simply genetically engineered into my Scandinavian soul. I remember hearing my mom blasting their songs on the home stereo in my childhood, and the association has put permanent nostalgia blinders on me for all of ABBA's greatest hits. Still, I think the beat is undeniable and the mournful tone of the chorus adds some real melancholy to the dramatic plea at the core of the song.

2. Afenginn - Oestrogenmanipuleret Basilisk

Afenginn describe themselves as "bastard etno-punk" which is probably as good a description as you're going to get. There's a lot of klezmer and eastern European folk influences here, but what is more important about Afenginn's best songs is that they go hard as f*ck and it's an absolute blast to dance to them at a show. They played this the first time I saw them live, and the rhythm comes back every time I hear it again. Good times!

3. Afenginn - Ralli in D Minor

With 100 slots to fill, I am giving myself permission to allocate two slots to Afenginn, and for the same reason. Ralli in D Minor is less of a dance tune to me, and more of a headbanger, but with a sufficiently loud subwoofer and a game crowd, you could f*ing mosh to this.

4. Anamanaguchi - Prom Night

I discovered Anamanaguchi as the composers of the title track to the Nerdist podcast back in the day, and being unfamiliar with the concept of chiptunes, I was drawn in initially by the sheer novelty of hearing the squeaks and bloops of my gaming childhood employed towards rock tunes and combined with "real" instruments.

Beyond the gimmick, though, Anamanaguchi won me over fully with the Scott Pilgrim game soundtrack, and then 2013's Endless Fantasy, where the gimmick of chiptune nostalgia noise (at least for me) finally coalesced into something that felt entirely like its own thing. Plus I'm a sucker for exactly this kind of bright dance pop, and Bianca Raquel's vocals here are a perfect match for the tone of the music.

5. Jennifer Hudson - Memory

2019s Cats is a fascinating fucking disaster. Tom Hooper is the worst director of musicals in my living memory, the abuse of the VFX staff extended beyond brutal crunch and absurd challenge imposed by a director who had no idea what the hell he was asking them to do all the way into an astonishingly arrogant and condescending joke from Rebel Wilson and James Corden at the expense of workers who were the last people at fault for the disaster that the movie became (look in the fucking mirror, Wilson and Corden, your performances were rancid).

Still, the silver lining of Cats is we got to hear Jennifer Hudson shake the world on its foundations with her rendition of Memory. I don't give a shit what anyone says, this performance is transcendent and no amount of institutional failure can dim its quality.

6. Annette Bjergfeldt - Min Bærende Bjælke

Annette is one of my mother's oldest friends, and a prolific singer-songwriter now turned author. I've been going to her concerts since I was a little child, and while I am absolutely not the target audience for any of it, it has stuck with me as part of my musical vocabulary deep into adulthood.

She has experimented with brass band accompaniment a few times, but for my money, nothing quite comes close to the floating, optimistic vibe of Min Bærende Bjælke. It sounds like a very particular kind of lasting romance, which of course is also what the lyrics are about.

7. Hozier - Blood Upon the Snow

We'll get more than one Hozier song on this list, but Blood Upon the Snow stands out to me as a song which easily transcends the videogame soundtrack promotional tie-in nature of its conception. Bear McCreary's hurdy gurdy and lyrics about surviving through adversity by holding on to existence with your teeth and nails... yeah, it hits with me. There's something real in that.

"The trees deny themselves nothing that makes them grow, no rainfall, no sunshine, no blood upon the snow." Something about that feels real.

8. The Beatles - Something

idk if I really need to write anything about George Harrison's most famous love song that hasn't been written more extensively by a million dad-rock enthusiasts before me.

I will say, this is one of the few songs I listen to regularly that justify the expensive audiophile headphones I invest in. There's a LOT to hear on a good, lossless, original mix of this song, if you're the kind of pervert who gets off to listening to a song a hundred times to focus on different parts of the soundscape. (it's me, I am the pervert)

9. Blink-182 - Adam's Song

I discovered a lot of my music taste as a young man from extremely low-resolution AMVs that my friend used to download off sketchy file-sharing sites. Blink-182 entered my musical lexicon through the one above, specifically, piggybacking off of my teenage love of Dragon Ball.

I never really grokked what the lyrics were actually about, until relistening to the song years later, but something about the minor-key wail of the thing really sat with my angsty teenage soul and has stuck with me ever since. I cannot listen to this song without that music video playing in my head, the song will forever belong to Vegeta.

There's remastered versions of this AMV out there, apparently, but if it's not 144p with tinny audio, it's just not right. That's not what the song is supposed to sound like, not to me.

10. Blink-182 - Miss You

Blink-182 is one of those bands I discovered via anime AMVs and listened to obsessively for a period as a teenager (The Offspring will show up later on this list), and then fell entirely out of touch with for years until discovering much later in life that they did, in fact, keep releasing music. I Miss You from their self-titled 2003 album felt, when I discovered it sometime in the early 2010s, like a much more mature and interesting sound from a band which had gotten stuck associated with my adolescent superpower kung-fu fantasies which I was, at the time, feeling a bit embarrassed about.

The song had a resurgence on TikTok a little while ago as a meme template, which made me listen to the albums again, and rediscover yet again that Blink-182 is, in fact, still putting out albums.

---

The rest of the list is here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

[gay-impressionist]

Hi! I’m starting to learn French and one thing that’s both cool and weird to me is how everything is gendered in a way (referring to someone/whose saying the statement/etc.) and I was wondering how that relates to people who identity as non-binary or gender fluid in France? Are there equivalents to they/them pronouns or neo pronouns in French?

I do plan on doing my own research about this but I figured since I love your blog and you’re really open about different cultural lgbtq+ communities I’d try here first!

That's an awesome question... with a complicated answer lmao. So buckle up and bear with me !

Basically, you can't be non-binary in French. The community found ways to do it but it's not mainstream. Most of the time, they're going to get misgendered or will have to misgender themselves to get understood.

Some things I'm going to list here are not proper French. Actually, they can even be forbidden in some circumstances, according to the law (the use of inclusive language, and more specifically le point médian, was made illegal in schools in 2021 for ex) or simply because your company etc forbids it. So use this wisely, there is a time and place for inclusive language in France.

That said, things have greatly developed over the last two decades. Which was partly because of the queer community and mainly because of feminists, who are tired of the way French erases women. More and more people are using inclusive language, at least in some circumstances and circles (for ex, i wrote my master's thesis in inclusive language and it was accepted bc i was in a leftist faculty). And inclusive language is debated as a serious issue now, which is saying something.

So, how do you use inclusive language in practice?

There are different ways, as it's informal and mostly new. People are still testing new things and trying out various methods. You can stick to one or alternate or mix them up.

Pronouns

Officially, there isn't a gender neutral pronoun. We don't have an equivalent to they. You're either talking about a man or a woman. If it's both, you use masculine pronouns ("masculine trumps feminine" rule). Same thing if you don't know the gender of the person ("masculin générique").

The most common neopronoun is "iel" (plural : iels), which is obviously a contraction of the masculine pronoun "il" and its feminine equivalent "elle". It works for nb folks or to avoid talking about someone's gender or to refer to a group of men and women. So it's equally used by the queer community and feminists.

I'm pretty sure other neopronouns exist but I can't think of any at the top of my head.

Choosing the right words

Sometimes, inclusive language is just about learning to use alternatives.

Instead of using gendered words, you can choose to use gender-neutral words or words "épicènes", aka words which are identical in their feminine and masculine form. For ex, instead of "homme politique" or "femme politique", you can use "personnalité politique". Personnalité is a feminine word but it's actually gender-neutral as you can use it for women and men alike. "Élève" (student) is épicène, as a female student and a male student are both referred to as "élève". Although épicène words as a gender-neutral option only work in their plural form, as you have to choose either a feminine or masculine article for the singular ("les élèves" is inclusive but it can only be "un" or "une" élève).

As good as this method is, it can be quite limitating. Your vocabulary will be drastically reduced and it can be quite hard to master that kind of speech so you can reach the point where you don't have to think everything over for ages before you open your mouth.

With oral French, you can take it a step further by choosing words that sound the same even if they have a different spelling. Ex, friend is "ami" or "amie" but it's pronounced the same way so if you say it out loud, people can't know how you're gendering it (as long as there isn't a gendered article/word with it ofc).

It avoids misgendering people but the downside is that, as masculine is considered neutral in French, people will often think : no gender specified = masculine. Not even because they're sexist or whatever, it's just so ingrained in our brains that it's a knee-jerk reaction.

That's also why most feminists often prefer to use explicitly feminine words when talking about women. For ex, they prefer the word "autrice" to "auteure" (female writer) because the second one sounds the same as its masculine version "auteur". And as previously mentionned, out loud, people will assume by default you're talking about a man. It's a big debate though, lots of women prefer words that sound masculine - going as far as refusing to use feminine words at all! Which sounds cool and gender-bending as fuck but in reality comes from feminine words traditionally seen as less legitimate and serious. Even today, if you look up the word empress "impératrice" in a French dictionary, the first definition that comes up is "wife of an emperor". "Woman ruling a country" comes second. Using a masculine title to refer to women can also be a way to mock them and show they're not welcome (a french deputy got fined in 2014 because he called the female president of the national assembly "Madame le président" and refused to use the feminine title "Madame la présidente").

Recently the tendency and official guidelines have been to feminize words, so I'd say go with that by default, but respect other people's choice if they specify how they want to be called.

Anyway I'm getting off-track but what I meant was that in French, if you avoid talking about gender, you're automatically erasing women (and nb people). So if you want to include everyone, you need to make it obvious.

Inclusivity as a statement

The most common way to make women and men equally visible is the "point médian" rule, which you can also use to refer to non-binary people as it avoids picking a specific gender.

Basically, it means pasting together the masculine and feminine forms of a word and using dots/middle dots/hyphens/parentheses/capital letters to create an inclusive word. For ex, instead of saying acteur (♂️) or actrice (♀️) for actor, you'll write "acteur.ice". For the plural form, there are two schools of thought : either you separate the feminine and masculine form AND the suffix used to signify the plural, or you don't. Aka, "acteur.ice.s" or "acteur.ices". Personally I prefer the second option because less dots makes it easier to read and faster to write, but it's an individual choice, both work.

There are two major downsides to this method : it only works in writing + it isn't doable for every word, as feminine and masculine words can be quite different and pasting them together that way would be unintelligible. Ex, "copain" and "copine" (friend or boyfriend/girlfriend depending on the context) would give something like "cop.ain.ine"...

You can work around that by choosing alternative words (as previously stated!). And it's still a pretty good method, especially as it works for any type of word (adjectives etc). Some people argue that it's hard to read and ugly but personally I think it's just a matter of habit (although it does pose a problem for people using screen readers). Be aware that it is the most controversial version of inclusive writing, as it's the furthest structure from how languages typically work.

If you don't like dots or want an alternative for oral speech, you can also straight up create new words that sound both feminine and masculine, making them gender-neutral. To use the previous example, "copain" and "copine" become "copaine".

Obviously, this only works if it's obvious which words they're based on. I think it's a great way to make French more inclusive but I'd advise against using it with uninitiated people as it would probably confuse them more than anything. This method is still quite niche.

An inclusive, yet binary language

As you've probably figured out, inclusive language remains quite binary in the way we approach it. It's more about making things both masculine and feminine than transcending gender and creating gender-neutral alternatives. Probably because inclusive language was more often a will to stop women from being erased rather than a non-binary friendly gesture.

Which means, there are also some rules that were created to avoid the "masculine trumps feminine rule" but don't allow room for non-binarity at all. I'll still explain them because they're interesting and you might encounter them at some point.

The proximity rule ("règle de proximité") is one of these. It existed in Ancient Greek and Latin but was dropped in Modern French in favor of the masculine trumps feminine rule. Basically, you gender things according to what's closest in the sentence instead of systematically using masculine words to gender a mixed group. For ex, instead of saying "Les hommes et les femmes sont beaux" you say "Les hommes et les femmes sont belles", as the subject "femmes" is closer to the adjective "beau/belle" than "hommes".

Another method is to systematically use both masculine and feminine words (which I personally find excruciating to write and read). Meaning, instead of writing "Les étudiants mangent à la cantine" (students eat at the cafeteria), you'll write "Les étudiantes et les étudiants mangent à la cantine".

This is mainly for the subject of the sentence : adjectives and such are gendered according to the masculine trumps feminine rule. The point is to explicitly include women, not to make the sentence unintelligible or gender-neutral.

When following this method, you also have to pay attention to whether you put the feminine subject first or the masculine. The rule is to follow alphabetical order. For ex, in "l'égalité entre les femmes et les hommes", "femmes" comes first because F comes before H. But in "Les auteurs et les autrices de roman", "auteurs" comes first because E comes before R. Etc.

This method is common as it's the only inclusive language you can get away with, given that it's a valid way of speaking French. It's even mandatory in some situations now, like in job descriptions for the french administration, in the spirit of gender equality.

So, how do I gender a non-binary person?

In short, you can use the pronoun iel + avoid gendered words and/or use the point médian and/or make up new words.

But keep in mind that if you're not talking to someone familiar with these rules, you'll have some explaining to do. And looots of people are still very anti inclusive language, because they're sexist and/or transphobic, ignorant, language purists, etc. A few years ago it was the thing to be angry about for conservatives and anti-feminists so it's still very controversial. But if you're in a trans inclusive queer space or talking with intersectionnal leftists, go for it !

I hope I covered everything (fellow french, don't hesitate to comment!) and didn't put you to sleep lmao. If you want to see some examples, you can look it up on Wikipedia or check #bagaitte on tumblr (it's the french queer tag) 😉

[kandlewick]

i'll dry the villain's tears

t h e r o s e r e d t y r a n t ' s m o t h e r pt.2

you get reincarnated into a role that became the breaking point of the villain's story and you, be it an unwillingness to cause them harm or a desire to survive, must work hard to make sure they grow into a better (or at least safer) person.

You felt entirely too overdressed sitting here at the park. Your former body's wardrobe was obviously not meant for anything too strenuous and that apparently included just enjoying your time outside in the sun. You could feel the sweat gather in uncomfortable places... but your nerves weren't just because of the warm weather.

Trey's mother sat beside you, much more dressed for the occasion, and watched as Trey and Riddle reconnected. You could hear the two of them laugh and giggle as they began playing as if nothing had ever happened and the two were quick to run up the steps leading to the slide, followed by a whole gaggle of other children. You let out a soft sigh of relief at the sight.

Not just the clothes, but your body was so stiff and rigid it was hard to even relax as you tried to breath. Your back was straight as a rod while you sat on the uncomfortable park bench, your well manicured hands firm on your lap and you shuffled uncomfortably in place. Trey's mother eyed you from her spot on the bench and offered a small smile, like she was acknowledging how strenuous this whole situation was for you.

"I'm guessing you've never brought Riddle to a public park before, huh?" She crossed her arms and leaned on them over the table, linking her fingers together, "You look like you're about to faint."

You forced out a laugh, too embarrassed to meet her gaze and pulled at the high collar of your buttoned top. You could practically feel heat waves steaming off of you. "Something like that," you admitted, "I wasn't exactly a good mother when it came to recreational activities."

You inwardly cringed at your wording — what, is Miss Rosehearts vocabulary infecting you too?

Trey's mother hummed as she continued to look at you. You could feel her bright hazel eyes staring at you. You could feel a cold sweat drip down your neck.

"Please stop me if this sounds too forward," Trey's mother leaned back but quickly offered her hand to you, "but my name is Dinah."

You blinked up at her, startled. She... wanted you to shake her hand?

She offered up her hand again and made a motion for you to follow. Almost hesitantly, you reached out and clasped her hand in your own, shaking it. Her palms were so warm, comforting, almost the exact opposite of your body's cold touch. She smiled at you, the dimple on your cheek crinkling with delight.

"I figured since our children are such good friends, we could at least try and act cordial." She glanced over as your two children sat next to each other on the swing set, the elder Trey guiding Riddle on how to kick back his feet. Riddle was hesitant and stumbled a few times, but kept giggling all the same, obviously entranced.

"Trey likes to baby younger kids," Dinah smiled, "I wonder how he'd do with younger siblings..."

You noticed that too as Riddle followed him around like a little duckling chasing after its mama. Whatever Trey did, Riddle would follow even if it meant pushing his limits. Trey watched carefully from the other end of the playground as Riddle jumped from one platform to the next, his arms out and knees shaking as he tried to keep himself balanced. Whenever he would stumble and topple over the edge nearly sending him into a fit of tears, Trey was quick to act and followed him back to the beginning.

"He's a sweet kid." You mumbled, "You're a great mother."

She gave you an almost sympathetic look, noticing your tone before reaching out and grabbing your hand, "Hey, you're not doing so bad now either." She squeezed your hand in her own and offered you an encouraging smile, "Parenting isn't easy and sometimes you don't notice the damage until it's too late but look at you," She gestured to your whole self, "Better late then never, right?"

You both sat there idly chatting until much later then you had figured you would and before long, the sun had began to set, casting the park in a orange hue. You were caked in sweat but Riddle wasn't doing much better. The two children came back huffing and puffing from exhaustion, sweat dripping off their foreheads like rivers. Riddle looked especially tired, his cheeks a bright red.

"I think I'm ready to go now," Riddle sighed.

You gave him a small smile and pulled him close, rubbing your pristine sleeve against his cheeks and wiped away any of the dirt that stained his skin, laughing as he let out a soft whine. Trey wasn't faring any better and was quick to lean against his mother's lap. Dinah ruffled his hair but her face quickly grimaced at the sweat in his hair. The kids obviously were going to need a bath after this.

You pulled Riddle in to your arms and tucked him under your chin. His bright red hair tickled your face but you held him even closer as his arms wrapped around your neck. He let out a soft sigh against your shoulder. Trey, being much taller then Riddle, simply grabbed Dinah's hand. He tiredly looked up at the young boy in your arms and smiled, his hands raising to offer Riddle a small wave.

"Bye, Riddle. We'll play again sometime, ok?"

Riddle turned his head and nodded, a sleepy smile on his face, "Mmmhm..."

"We will do this again sometime, right?" Dinah lowered her voice and leaned over so that Trey wouldn't be in ear shot, "This isn't a one time thing?"

"Oh?" You blinked over at her. Oh! "Yes!" You reassured her, your voice a little too loud, "Yes, we would love that. Riddle would love to." I would love to!! You screamed in your head, eager to befriend her. You wanted friends too!!!

Dinah gave you a dazzlingly bright smile, "Then I think we should invite Chen'ya and his uncle next time too!" Riddle and Trey straightened up at this and you could tell the two of them were excited about the thought.

"His uncle?" You questioned. That doesn't sound very familiar.

"Oh yeah," Dinah laughed behind her hand, "Chen'ya's parents are always out of the country on business so he lives with his uncle and his grandfather. My husband and I are good friends with them both and his uncle is a really fun guy, I'm sure you'd find him... interesting!"

It would certainly be interesting meeting someone new that you had no idea about... plus you'd be able to apologize properly to Chen'ya and whoever his guardian was. It could possibly be very... fun. You could feel your body hum in excitement as you found yourself nodding eagerly, nearly bouncing Riddle in your arms, "I would like that very much."

And then after exchanging phone numbers, you and Dinah parted ways, the two children eager to return home and rest.

"Mmmm," Riddle hummed in your arms, his hold on you loosening as he began drifting off, "I had a lot of fun today —" He yawned loudly, his head burrowing itself further into your neck, a content smile on his face, "Thank you."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for criticizing the way my(27m) boyfriend(22m) compliments me?

It's a matter of how often (too often, imo), and the manner of "compliment." He calls it "being nice to me" but on my end, it simply feels too vague to really be about me, and more specifically it's the kind of thing that a fictional character would say about their loved one while delirious on cold medicine or something, except my bf is usually awake and sober when he does this, and it's every single day.

More specifically and objectively: "You're beautiful to me." "You're like an angel." "You're so important to me." etc. A lot of "to me"s. And quite genuinely, it's basically always said like someone kinda high on morphine? though at absolute worst he's kinda tired, and he'll still say it like that if he's perfectly awake.

It's this sort of thing every day, with this sort of jokingly lofty language, always when I don't feel I've done anything in particular to warrant it. Like, *I* never say stuff like this in a situation that isn't already deeply intimate and significant, but he says it seemingly just in response to me existing next to him. And for a while I smiled along and said thank you and I love you too but after some time it just started to run together so much that I got deeply annoyed by it and started telling him to stop. When I do he becomes upset and starts to say that he's just trying to be nice, and I try to explain that it's just the same thing every day and it feels kind of meaningless. But he just goes on about how it's insane that i'm critiquing his compliments.

From what he tells me, it seems on his end of things he's technically being genuine and it's just a kind of limited vocabulary that makes his communication of his love for me Like That. I just still kind of can't stand hearing the same sort of fake-sounding "compliment" every single day at random times where they don't feel like they belong and I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I can't even explain my side with more depth to him without him getting more seriously upset, but he doesn't seem motivated to actually stop at all even though I've brought it up many times.

Some added context: We've been together for about 2 years and these sort of compliments with the frequency that I'm complaining about is relatively recent, for the past maybe 3-4 months. I am in fact his first partner, and I definitely see how that factors into him wanting to say things like this to me. It's just the like... continuing to do it.

AM I crazy? I really can't tell who's the normal one here. But like... I just want to actually earn it if I'm gonna get told something like that. And I feel like it would inherently mean more if he saved it FOR those moments that I earned it. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[asheepinthenight]

Talon’s End Devlog: October 2024

Happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain to those who celebrate! Somehow, another month has passed, and here we are again! The Hawk short is almost done, but it just wasn't feasible to complete it and have it tested in time for Halloween. It's much shorter than last year's Halloween extra—I just have much less free time this year!

For those of you who only discovered TE recently, I had a pretty major change in my life a few months ago that has resulted in a drop in free time from 1-2 days a week to a few hours (if that!). It's been a positive change for me, but it has hit my writing time pretty hard. I'm still figuring out the best way to balance everything in a way that I'm happy with, but I am still working—TE isn't on hiatus, just a very, VERY slow update schedule! I should have a bug fix update coming next week based on some recent bug reports (thank you!).

Thank you all again for your patience! I posted a short preview from the middle of the werewolf!Hawk extra a couple months ago, but the first few paragraphs (they/them Hawk pronouns, Hawk/MC relationship is romantic) are under the cut:

Hawk's tail thumps the ground as they sit beside you, impatiently waiting for the moon to set. You flip the veggie burgers that you've been grilling, and Hawk responds to the renewed sizzling with a rumbling growl. If you didn't know them, you might have been alarmed, but since you're familiar with the limited vocabulary of Hawk's wolf form, you know that it merely indicates impatient excitement. You scratch behind Hawk's large pointed ears, and their tail thumping increases in enthusiasm.

One would think that spending time with a werewolf during a full moon wouldn't involve mundane things like barbequing a healthy dinner. But these days, with the vampire threat mostly under control, mundane is what full moons usually look like for you. Indeed, one of the primary difficulties you face is that Hawk's vegetarian diet apparently tastes much less satisfying to a wolf palate than a human one, so "dinner" has been relocated to the early morning hours when the full moon finally sets. But judging by the continued low rumbling and the way Hawk is leaning heavily against you, the wait has, as usual, not been a pleasant one. You run your fingers through their thick fur, and golden eyes look up at you plaintively. If you ever called that expression puppy-dog eyes, they'd deny it—but that's exactly what it is. Keeping that thought to yourself, you remove the finished burgers from the grill as the moon continues to sink below the horizon.

Deep in the woods, another member of Hawk's pack begins to howl, and a chorus of werewolf voices follows until Hawk sits up and throws their head back to join in. No matter how many times you've heard it, Hawk's howl still gives you chills. Even with all the strange and fantastical things you've experienced as a vampire hunter, your mate's howl feels otherworldly.

As the pack's howl fades to echoes, the last silver rays of moonlight vanish, and you brace yourself for what's coming next.

[wizzdot]

The Patron Saint of One Way Trips

Ch19

Description: Yay - we have the 'Alone' Mission - I hope my Spanish translations don't get too difficult - I'm trying to make it feel as if we, as the reader, are finding it difficult to communicate - hence the purposeful brokenness of it all. Anyway - Laika gets caught... what happens next....?

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

He wanted me.. specifically me... why?!

I must have left the room just in time. Everything that had happened up to now had been part of Graves' sick plan.. why hadn't I noticed?! He sent Oz to drop me at the room so he knew exactly where I was.. He allowed Johnny to go in undercover, probably hoping that he didn't make it out. He took 'air support' probably with no intention to actually help.. I hate him. I fucking hate him.

FUCK!

Get your head back in the game, mutt. Find Johnny. Beat yourself up later..

I follow behind two Shadows, pretending to be with them. We seem to arrive to a large cluster of houses. Some Shadow soldiers have already arrived, guns blazing. Civilians are screaming, children crying and dogs barking. It was horrible. Families are being massacred. I feel sick to my stomach.

My comms set starts sounding within my mask, I don't know how to work it so I pat around looking for controls. I find something that feels like a button. I press it a few times and it seems to change the channel of the radio. I hear several American voices shouting for back up at the North Plaza, and others looking for 'the Brits', some stations were still back at the base, organising the prisoners. Find Johnny.

I continue to flick through the stations until I hear a very crackly "Ghost, this is 7-1 in the blind.. how copy?". It's Johnny.

I almost scream his name out loud before remembering that I had to be smart about this. I'm shocked when a Shadow comes towards me and elbows me "search this house with me - stay sharp, think the Brits are close. He couldn't have made it far. You go upper floor, I'll do downstairs. Shoot first, ask questions later" My eyes widen at his instructions but I nod, not wanting to raise any suspicion.

I open the door and head upstairs with my gun raised. I turn onto the upper landing and enter the first closed bedroom. A family of four are crouched behind the bed, sobbing and shaking. They start hyperventilating when I arrive. A pair of Beta's, probably husband and wife, and their two young children. I swallow the lump in my throat, and quickly raise my finger to my mouth, gesturing to them to stay quiet.. "shhh - please shush.." I beg them. "I'm not going to hurt you.." Fuck, they don't understand.. FUCK.

"Uhm.. Amistosa..." I point at myself again "Amistosa" I whisper. 'Friendly' is the only word I can think of for the time being, my mind too frazzled to remember any more of my, already limited, Spanish vocabulary. They seem to calm down a little bit before heavy footsteps start climbing the stairs.

I take out my knife and gesture to the family to stay quiet and stay hidden. I step to the edge of the doorway and wait for the noisy Shadow to arrive.

"Anything up here, Shadow..?" he bellows, half way up the stairs. Stupid man..

I stay silent, and thankfully, so does the family. The father has his arms wrapped around the children, hiding them from view.

As the Shadow reaches the door to look in, his gun turns the corner first. I grab it, jamming it upwards into his chin. He tries to regain control, but I've already ran my knife through his throat. He slumps quickly and I drag him away from the family. I remove his gun and other weapons from him and step back into the room.

"Do you speak english..?" I try asking the Beta man.. he shakes his head, clearly terrified and confused.

"uhm.. puede...can you... puede-" I make finger guns and pretend to pull the trigger. I can't remember the word for shoot.. but I think he gets the message. He frantically nods. I hand him the spare gun so he can at least protect his family.

"No te muevas... uhm...peligro afuera" I say in very broken Spanish - don't move.. there's danger outside - he understands, nodding."Gracias.. gracias Salvadora" I shake my head. I don't want their thanks.. and I certainly am no saviour..

"¡Esperar!" the woman shouts as I turn to leave. Why does she want me to wait..? She hesitantly stands up and rips a large piece of fabric from her dress. I frown at her, confused. She approaches me as if I am going to flee, hands out as if placating a wild animal.

She ties it around my upper arm, where I usually wrapped my hanky. "Identificación - Amistosa.." she explains.. it takes me a second to translate it in my head before I realise she had used the green fabric as identification.. so she knows I'm friendly.. I nod and give a tiny smile. It was useless seeing as my face is covered with the mask..

I hear commotion from outside. I give the family a final glance before I rush back down the stairs. I step out onto the street and see blood, at about eye level, brushed along the exterior wall of the house across the street. Johnny..?

He must be near. Unless that's someone else's blood.

I try the radio again and can't find the blind channel. I silently move around the town, feeling confident to pass and Shadows without hiding. They were frantic, shooting every civilian in their way. I carry on pecking them off one by one, silently, giving the civilians American weapons as I go. I reach a church square and settle behind a wall. Shadows seem to have gathered here. I try finding a station on the comms again, maybe it had been damaged in the rain... It suddenly crackles to life again. It's Graves.

"Keep your heads on swivels for these fuckin' Brits.." One of them has been arming Civvies - we have a small uprising at the back of town, looks like some of them are trained cops, they're making progress through the Southern streets. Stay sharp Shadows..Lost some good soldiers today.."

Fuck.. we had Civilians coming this way. I turn and head to the back of town. I needed to redirect them. They were heading for a massacre. The Shadows had gathered to corner them, waiting with heavy artillery and sheer numbers.

I push myself as fast as I can run. I can hear marching, the rain water creating a splash every time there is movement. I run straight across the crossroads, not realising the armed locals were marching my way. A flood of stray bullets fly in my direction. I narrowly miss them by running behind the next house.

"Alto al fuego!" I hear - I know that one.. it means hold fire. "Chica..eres tú?" I hear from my hiding spot. I do something stupid. I turn the corner and present myself in front of the, understandably, angry mob.

"¿hablar Inglés?" I ask, in a dodgy Spanish accent. Please someone.. someone must speak fuckin' English.

An older Beta man steps forward. "Yes - I speak English.." A weight lifts from my shoulders.. "Thank God.. we need to turn around.. the Shadows are waiting for you. It'll be a massacre.."

"What is she saying??" one of the crowd shouts in broken English - the older man translates the information I had given him.

"So what is the plan, Chica? And why should we trust you? You are Shadow scum as well.." I gulp as the younger Alpha man steps forward with his gun raised. A man steps forward then. It's the Beta man who I had helped... his wife had given me the green fabric for identification. He had remembered..

After a minute or so of rushed, angry Spanish rambling that I can't pick up, they turn to me. "what is your plan? I am told we are to trust you.."

"Are you prepared to fight... to die..." I ask, darkly. A chorus of 'Sí's' call out.

"Okay, we need to hurry. They are expecting us down this street" I point in the direction they are waiting for the ambush.

"We need to turn around and get them from the back. We need to go now, or they'll come looking for us. We can't lose the element of surprise.. we are massively outnumbered" I explain. The older man translates and the small army turn and start heading in the opposite direction. Well, they're determined at least...

We quickly approach the square where the Shadows had set up. I call to my small group of around twelve men to be silent and hold position. We needed to be closer before initiating. We can't afford to give them time to respond. I creep forward on my own, testing the distance and cover. This would do. I gesture with my hand for the men to move up to my position. They listen and do as ordered. This was weird, being the one in charge...

"On three.." I whisper, holding up three fingers. I lower one finger. I lower the second. I take my hand away and raise my gun.

After another beat, bullets spray forward and Shadows fall like dominoes.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I hear Graves' voice cut through the loud noise of bullets.

"C'mon Shadows, they want to fight, let's give it to 'em!" he yells.

The Shadows re position and start firing back in a more organised fashion. I pat my pockets of my stolen tac-vest. YES! Grenades! I pull the pin and hurl it towards the soldiers.

BOOM

*Ghost's POV*

I'd been sitting up in the church spire for a while, guiding Johnny through the town. He was injured. I'd managed to guide him through the tunnels. He has eyes on the church now but there are Shadows swarming everywhere. Armoured vehicles and barbed wire. They'd set up a defensive line. This wasn't just for me and Johnny. Something else must be brewing... I set my scope and get eyes on Johnny. I tell him what's going on through the blind channel. All of a sudden, gunfire rings out below. "What's that LT?" Johnny asks me..

"Look's like some Mexican cops have rolled out of bed to try and defend their town.. brave fuckers.. won't last long against these killers though.."

"Nothin' like a bit of hope, LT" - "Let's concentrate on gettin' you back here first Johnny.."

"I'll use the fight as a distraction and run across, aye LT?" - "Yep, sounds good - wait a second Johnny..."

"What is it, LT?" - "Looks like the Civvies have a Shadow on their side.."

"Even he cannae defend Graves' war crimes then, eh?"

"At least one of them has morals, Johnny. Was startin' to think they were all evil bastards!"

"Aye LT, likewise, sounds like the only good one'll be deed soon anyway.. pity that!"

"Head back in the game, Johnny. The Shadows are distracted. Make a run in five seconds. Mexican Shadow is pulling a pin on a grenade - the blow will give you cover"

"Aye, LT, Copy"

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

BOOM

The gunfire stops momentarily before the remaining, smaller group of Shadows start shouting. I hear a familiar grunt and then the Shadow standing near a door to a house says "Got one near the church.." Johnny.

"Kill him" Graves orders loudly through comms.

A single whistle pings through the air and the Shadow falls. I see Johnny stand and make his way toward the church. He is a couple of hundred meters out but he is so so close. The Shadows take their attention away from us and round towards Johnny. I shout an order at them "Get the Shadows, leave the Brit!!" I get another chorus of agreements. I try to catch up with Johnny but I'm too far behind. Fighting with other Shadows and winding my way around the barbed wire and road block slows me down significantly. I start to panic.. I wasn't going to catch him..

I see Johnny on the church steps up ahead with a couple of Shadows still on his tail. I can't distract him by shouting his name. That would be a stupid thing to do. I then see the Lieutenant climb the metal fence surrounding the building. They start sprinting away from me. Ghost is looking for vehicles to use to flee. Clever. Why didn't I think of that..?

THUD

I fall to the ground, splashing in the wet, bloody cobbled streets, the skin on my knees bursting open from the impact.. I wince at the sudden pain.

Graves stares down at me.. "Well well well.." he tutts, ripping the mask off of my face. "Look who we have here then..."

I turn to see a pickup truck driving speedily away.

They were safe.. I release a deep breath that I didn't know I was holding.. I'm snapped back to Graves when he kicks me in the gut.

"How strange.. y'see, Laika.. I started thinkin' you were a Russian mole tryin' to get intel on the 141..." he chuckles sadistically.. "We thought you could be useful to us so we did a little diggin'.. turns out you're a missing asset from Russia.. kept that a secret huh..?"

I gulp, he keeps his heavy boot on my stomach so I couldn't get up even if I tried.

"Does anyone know the truth about you..? Or kept it a secret..? Think they'd see you different if they knew some of the shit you're responsible for huh?"

Tears pool in my eyes and my chin wobbles.

Graves clicks his tongue off of the roof of his mouth, tutting at me again.. "now now, don't cry sweetheart. Normally, you'd be dead already.. but Shepherd seemed quite interested when it was reported that one of our Shadow Company had gone rogue in the streets of Mexico... wait till I hear his reaction when I tell him I've caught a Russian rat! He is going to be pleased.." he laughs.

"Now, get up and come with me.. I don't want to have to be rough with you sweetheart. Don't want to ruin that pretty face of yours.." he says, pretending that he is nice..

Get FUCKED

I nod, obediently, pretending to comply. What was it I was told again...? Disobedience is punished. He would have read that on my file.

I need to play into his hands here. Play it smart, mutt...

He chuckles, "God, they told me you liked following orders, obedient little girl, huh. Bet the Captain likes havin' you around.." he says wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way.

"Just how obedient are you, sweetheart..? I guess I'll have to find out later. But orders are orders. You are to be detained.. come along now.."

Jeez, this guy loved the sound of his own voice..

"Yes, commander" I act, feigning obedience, he shakes his head, smiling in amazement.

"Got you trained already, sweetheart!" he laughs.

I glance to my left and see a group of retreating Mexicans. There looks to be a decent sized group left - hopefully they hadn't lost too many innocent civilians tonight, somehow I doubt it..

I'm pushed into a vehicle and driven back to the Vaqueros head quarters. I keep my head down, staring at my lap the entire way. The adrenaline starts leaving my system.

Now all that I was left with was fear. Fear, and a cold feeling I couldn't shake..

*Johnny's POV*

Simon and I were safely out of dodge

He is driving like a fuckin' maniac but I couldn't really care less. My arm hurts like a bitch. I hope Laika is safe at the base, hopefully she has found Rudy..

"LT, you made good time through the town, how'd you manage that..?" I ask, thinking of how quickly he must have moved through all of those houses.

"What do you mean, Johnny? I only met a few Shadows, then went straight into the tunnel system.. I'd been at the church since you first comm'd me" He replies, confused..

"What..? So it wasn't you who had gone through the houses and left fuckin' civvies armed with Shadow guns..?"

"No, Johnny. I told ya', I went straight to the church.."

"Weird, they told me to look for the Green Shadow.. one of them spoke English.. poor terrified bastard almost shot me before he realised I wasn't a Shadow.."

"A green Shadow, Johnny?" - "Aye LT, that mean anythin' to you..?"

"Kind of.. The Shadow leading the Mexican civvies had some sort of dark fabric round his arm..Might have been green but the rain made it impossible to tell. I was too far away.. Wasn't standard Shadow kit though - that much I know"..

"Strange.. oh well, Graves would have already killed the poor Bastard anyway. S'no a good look to go against your own team.. Looked like the brave fella managed to tap a good few Shadows too. Good on him.."

"Yeah Johnny, agreed. Good on that man.."

[simp4konig]

"Can I sit here?" König x Gender-neutral Reader (Part 2)

Word count: ~2700

König finally asks you out on a date!

*Slow burn

*Friends (to Lovers?)

*FINALLT a Part 2 to 👉👉this fic rught here!! Tysm to those for being so patient in regards to part 2 kf this fic!!!���� i hope u guys think this js good enoigh to be the sequel 😢😢😢 😢 Lots of fluff!!! 🥺🥺SOME suggestive themes but only if u squint 🧐

*Author STILL doesn't speak German!! 🇩🇪🙅🏼(im so sorru to any German-speakers thst xan see thru my Google Translate and whince in pain 😬Not mucj i can do abt it 🤷🏼‍♀️otber than spend 3 yrs learning the language and i do NOT ❌have time for thst‼️sorry😿)

...

Life on the barracks was still as mundane as ever for König.

With no new information on any recent targets or any gang syndicates appearing on their radar, he had to ease in to this rather boring lifestyle, his only source of entertainment being at target practice. Never really paying much thought to what he could get up to when he had free time — the truth was, he had never had any — he essentially was left twiddling his thumbs, this being the worst part about his job.

With no hobbies, König chose to kill time by going to the gym more often, working out with high intensity. On particularly slow days he'd enter the gym for a second time, going in when he knew no one else would be around so he would have the equipment all to himself.

He still wasn't a fan of the monotony, yet he grew more appreciative as a new factor entered his schedule, the recent recruit that had made his life more interesting: you.

Ever since that day when you chose to sit at his table, you always walked to the corner of the cafeteria where he was sitting with something new to tell, and König would listen attentively, not looking away from you once. Having you chat in front of him every morning and afternoon gave him something to look forward to during the otherwise uneventful mornings and afternoons, and he over time became more pleasant to be with and less and less awkward.

He'd wait eagerly at his usual table, looking forward to seeing your face. You made it your due diligence to prepare him something the day before, which would usually be the same that you would have, and the two of you would eat in a comfortable silence, König always being complimentary about the food no matter how simple it was to prepare.

"Mein Gott! Delicious, this is, maus! You really are talented," he'd proclaim, the sound muffled by a mouthful of food.

Maus. You had noticed König begin dropping in words like that when addressing you instead of your call-sign, yet you, being an ignorant Westerner, couldn't even Google their meanings as you had no clue how attempt to spell them. Maus, on the other hand, was self-explanatory; your height difference made you look like a "mouse" to him. You weren't sure whether to take it as a compliment or not, but you didn't question it further.

Shaking your head with a smile, you'd wave a dismissive hand at his remarks. "Eh, those are just simple pancakes. It would be hard for someone to not make them delicious, in all honesty."

"Nein, I mean it!" He'd reply in earnest, not breaking eye contact. "No one could replicate the... the flavour! The—" König struggled for words, his vocabulary limited enough as it was, yet with you in front of him he'd be unable to recall nothing that he had been taught in his English lessons.

Still, he'd persevere. "Das köstliche aroma! It's— so good. Very good."

A bashful laugh. "Okay, okay, König! I get it." You placed a hand on your chest, trying to downplay the rising blush on your cheeks. "Really, I'm flattered. Thank you."

To which König's eyes would crinkle, a sure sign of a thick smile under that hood of his. He was glad you couldn't see it, though, as he was sure he looked like an idiot.

When you'd be late by a few minutes, König could feel himself start to panic, his mind racing with possibilities at what could have happened to you. His anxiety was irrational yet his alarm was nothing short from genuine, only having good intentions; to keep you from harm's way.

He wanted to protect you, but he didn't know your schedule yet, thus hated not knowing where you were at all times. Tense shoulders visibly relaxed seeing you hurry through the double doors, and he'd let out a sigh of relief, trying to remember what he had planned to say, last minute rehearsals gone over in his head.

All of that careful planning went of out of the window, though, as the two of you would talk about everything and nothing, sometimes about something deep and philosophical; other times, your favourite type of cheese, and each rave about them respectively for five minutes flat.

You were a breath of fresh air for König, which was why he was now training with such vigour.

When working out, König made minimal noise, his movements quick and controlled. This time, however, he was grunting with effort, working until maximum exhaustion and completely drenched in sweat.

Before, he had never bothered with his appearance, only carrying the basic neccesities and wearing tactical gear that was comfortable enough and wasn't too tight. With his height, it was difficult enough to find form-fitting clothes to begin with, and damn near impossible when his bulk was considered, so any clothing that somewhat fit was good enough to König to wear on a day-to-day basis.

Yet, on numerous occasions, he found himself staring at his barren closet, contemplating over what outfit would look best with the few options he had.

Thinking of you made him want to look better for you, to make him worth your time, and he busied himself with searching on the internet and comparing reviews for the best cologne, for the best aftershave, even finding the best shirts from a niche private retailer that nearly catered to his needs to a tee, and he'd specifically select t-shirts that revealed his bulging biceps whenever he crossed his arms and would show off his body to you. A physique he maintained and would improve with you in mind, not necessarily for the sake of being the ideal soldier.

He would practice conversation in the mirror, thinking up of the funniest jokes to say, the most interesting topics to bring up. Suddenly, the English textbooks that were long forgotten about under his bed and the dust-covered German-English dictionary became of use, and he'd study the words, the idioms, the grammar, committing it all to memory. A pencil in hand and a lamp shining down on the notebook in front of him, he'd write late into the night, improving his sentence structure and mastering the expressions he had highlighted earlier, not knowing their definitions.

You were worth the effort, and he vowed to do this right. He wanted to impress you, and didn't want you to ditch him or think of him as less for the way he presented himself.

He'd shower and comb the hair back that you wouldn't see (yet he felt it a necessary thing to do, just in case), and generously sprayed himself with scented deodorant, before going to his usual spot at the cafeteria with his chest puffed out, hoping he looked immaculate.

And he did. His colleagues and lower-downs noticed this shift in his charisma and his growing confidence, actively taking advantage of his status rather than watching passively in the back of the room. They could sense his presence as he was walking down the corridors, yet rather than immediately looking down at the ground, instead saluted him with a respectful: "Good afternoon, Colonel Sir."

Really, he was elated. He had never felt this happy in years, and he was loving this feeling, walking around base now with a self-assured swagger to his step.

Waiting, though, was the worst part about your encounters. Minutes felt like hours as König held a hand over his bouncing knee to keep it in place, his stomach fluttering with butterflies as he waited in anticipation.

Truth was, you'd always be worn out after training after your instructor pushed you to your limits, and sometimes took longer in getting ready and making yourself look presentable than other times because your joints were aching and your clothes stuck to you from how sweaty you were.

Now, quickly combing your hair and rolling some deodorant under your armpits, you had a goofy grin on your face, excited to see König again.

König, the 6'10 giant who was really just a sweet Austrian man to you.

His dead enemies, however, would be rolling in their graves and yelling in protest at the thought of you calling the brutal murderer that snapped their necks like they were twigs "sweet".

Really, you were ignorant to people's stances on him, and would defend his honour on his behalf with innocent stubbornness, with naive certainty that you were right. After all, he was a gentle giant!

Even if his total 180 shift was true, you doubted the full extent of his brutality. So what if he got a little aggressive? Adrenaline could do a lot to a man!

Still yet to see the side of him that König was trying desperately to keep hidden from you, he intended to keep it that way for as long as he could.

Counting down the seconds on his watch, König was sure you'd come in any moment now. A minute passing and he imagined that you'd come rushing in though the doors, frantically apologising for taking so long before sitting down and giving all of your attention to him, giving him the attention that he had never received from anyone so attractive before.

This meeting, however, was going to be different. He had revised all that he had wanted to say and exactly how he wanted to say it, until the words were permanently engraved in his brain.

At last, the double doors opened and there you were, a lopsided smile on your face as you speed-walked towards his table, already apologising sincerely and explaining why you were late by a few minutes before you had even sat down yet.

Honestly, your kindness towards König was too much for him to bear, and his heart was near the point of exploding from joy from having you so concerned over punctuality, when he considered it a blessing that the engel in front of him would even spare him any time of their day.

Eyes crinkling in a smile, König shook his head. "Nein, schatz. There is not a thing to be sorry for."

"But there is! I always keep you waiting and It's my bad," you said, rubbing your arm. "Sorry."

He shook his head again, this time reassuringly. "Don't be."

Then, added. "You're worth the wait."

Not knowing what to make of this, you sat down, trying to hide the fact that his remark flustered you.

Coughing as you deliberately tried to change topics. "How was your day, König? Beat up any bad guys at all?"

A chuckle. "Das ist lustig," he admitted. "Funny, but I wish. Only been at the gym today. But I also have been devoting some of my time to studying English."

Raised eyebrows in admiration as you nodded your head. "Your English has certainly improved, König," you observed, noticing how König would commit fewer and fewer grammar mistakes when speaking, until he was confident enough to even use some colloquial idioms of his own. Of course, some of the German ones didn't translate so well, yet you couldn't deny that there was improvement.

Not having told König anything about it, you yourself had actually begun learning some German on your own to surprise him with it one day, yet with how you were progressing at the moment you thought that this would be better left unsaid for the time being. Your knowledge of the language only went as far as "Guten morgen" and "Mein Name ist King". So, nothing extraordinary.

You smiled, your eyes reflecting the cafeteria lights. "I'm sure by the end of this year you'll be the most well-spoken on base! You'll probably become more fluent than me soon."

König was lost in your sparkling eyes, his sight taking in all of your features. You were so beautiful, so perfect.

"Danke, schön, but I still have a long way to go." Momentarily glancing at your lips for a split of a second, before he quickly cleared his throat. "I had... I had actually something to ask you, maus."

You tilted your head, eyebrows furrowed. "Really? What is it?"

The expectant expression on your face made König's voice hitch in his throat, suddenly forgetting all that he had carefully rehearsed and had revised for consecutive afternoons. "Y-you see—"

A thoughtful pause as he considered his next words, weighing the pros and cons of risking it all. "—From the day you sat down at my table, I— I've never felt this happiness in all my years on this world," he began steadily.

"My childhood... was... not the best—" He winced, and did not elaborate further. You didn't push him to, and waited patiently for him to finish. "—But... you make all those times I was unhappy forgettable when I make new memories with you. I couldn't be happier when you're with me. And—"

König took in a deep breath. "...Will you— will you do me the honour... of going on a date with me?"

Shock. This was not what you had expected. At all.

Your eyes were wide and throat dry as you licked your lips. No one had ever asked you on a date before. You hadn't dated a single person in all your years of living, or even went as far as having your first kiss, which was embarassing to admit. Too afraid to put yourself out there and keeping reserved in fear that you wouldn't be good enough, those same doubts entered your mind as you imagined König with someone better, someone more intelligent and more attractive, someone that always knew what to say in moments like these.

Not you, this moron that couldn't even learn some basic German for him, and the family's disappointing child which enlisted in the military as a last resort, with no qualifications good enough to secure you another job.

As you looked at the floor, König regretted ever bringing this up.

Oh Gods, did he cross a boundary? What if you didn't like him the way he liked you? What if— what if you were already in a relationship?! What if you were too nice to turn him down and tell him the truth?

It suddenly occured to you that you had not replied to König's proposal for a whole minute, and you pulled yourself together, reaching despairingly for his hand with a trembling one of your own, fearing that you blew everything.

"Oh my God, König— yes. Yes! I'd love to go on a date with you!"

König let out a breath that he didn't know he had been holding. "—Really? You— want to go on a date... with me?"

You nodded emphatically, compensating for your lack of response. "Yes! Fuck, I'm so sorry for not saying anything, I just—"

Quiet laughter. "I know, you're late to things," he teased, your face red. "Schatz, I think... I think we can make this work. Is— is it okay if I pick you up at 6 on Friday?"

"It's more than okay! It's perfect, König!" A goofy grin as you couldn't contain your child-like excitement. Then, a sheepish rub of the neck. "And... I pinky promise that I will be ready on time. I wouldn't miss our date for the world."

Later on, as he was rounding the corner and knew no one could see him, he punched at the air enthusiastically, feeling like he had just won the lottery; only, the grand prize was you.

Locking his bedroom door and immediately crossing off the date on his calendar, his body dropped on a chair.

With his head on his palm, he smiled.

He couldn't wait to see you again.

...

Note: I fed u guys with a fluffy fic in preparation for my upcoming one as imGONNA BREAK UR HEARTS INTO A MILLION PIECES WITH THE NEXT ONE U READ👺👺my next fic is angst Angst ANGST and u habe to be mentslly prepared for it... 💔

If u are sad throighout it and feel empty inside dont say that i djdnt warn you beacuse its gonna be some REAL shit rjbht there and abojt to get HELLA Depressing🗿🗿

Thankfully it is going to have SOME sort of happy conclusion to rub less salt in ur wounds🥲 and on top of that I posted this first so u dont get a doible whammy of angst<33

[tizeline]

Happy pride month and all!

I figured now was a good time to ask, but do you have any thoughts about the sexuality of the characters in your Sep AU?

Sorry if you’ve been asked already, and the answer can definitely be no, I’m just curious :)

Happy pride!! ✨

Here's the thing about headcanons about queer identities, I personally prefer to not get too stuck on specific labels. While there are exceptions, I generally try to remain flexible if that makes sense? As in I like having multiple different interpritation about characters' identities so deciding on One Particular Label can feel limiting to me.

I mentioned it before, but I do plan on making Capril an established relationship in the AU sooner or later, so April and Casey are definitely sapphic. But more specific than that? Are they lesbian or bi or pan or whatever?? I dunno!! It's not really relevant to the story so I might as well leave that up to interpretation.

My approach to creating stories is that I'll usually only decide on specific labels if it is plot relevant, Schrödingers Identity if you will, lol, it can be anything if you don't decide on it beforehand. Again, there are exceptions, Leo is gay 100% like duh I can't interpret him any other way XD. Splinter is a Bi-Icon and I will STAND BY THAT!

Raph, Donnie and Mikey? Man who knows, canon Donnie seems to be into girls at least so it's the same in the AU, but more specific than that I dunno, I'm not planning on the story really focusing on romance (aside from a little capril because every story needs sapphics that's like the law)

Actually, you know what I find fun? World building! I honestly tend to be more interested in how queer identities are viewed and treated in a story's world as a whole as opposed to induvidual character's identities. Human society in rottmnt seems to be mostly the same as our IRL society, but what about Yōkai society!? With how diverse yōkai are I think it'd be fun if people in The Hidden City just... didn't care about who you loved or what you identified as. As a result of that, I don't think yōkai would care that much about terminology and labels, you just kinda loved whoever you loved.

It'd be honestly be kinda interesting if Donnie and April used terminology that related to queer stuff and Raph, Leo and Mikey are just really confused. Like for example, April is complaining about one of her classmates who's homophobic and the The Drax Bros are just like "Home-phobic??? They're afraid of homes??" cuz the concept of discriminating against someone based on which gender they're attracted to is completely foreign to them. Actually, Leo might be more knowledgable about human queer culture considering he's interested in human cultures in general. He calls himself gay at one point and Draxum is all like "you're happy? good for you?" and he'd just be wondering why Leo is using such an old-timey word considering Leo doesn't exactly have the most advanced vocabulary.

[alastheswarmleaderhasescaped]

BIONICLE music fans, I need your help

Remember that I once wrote a funky BIONICLE Suite using themes from multiple movies/games etc., for an assignment? If not, it's here:

(here is the post on my dedicated music blog @transcriptions-of-unknown-music btw)

This suite is very dear to me: I scored top marks in my Arranging class with it, and later won a conducting audition with it. And now, in about a year or so, I will be getting the chance to perform it with a professional symphony orchestra. Like a full orchestra instead of the weird ensemble it was originally written for.

BUT

I need to reinstrumentate it, of course, but that also means that I can update it. The original assignment had a time limit of four minutes; this time I don't have that restriction, so I can basically do whatever the fuck I want.

And this is where I need the fandom's help.

I have a pretty solid base idea of what to do with it, but I want to put in as many nods to the width of BIONICLE as possible. The original suite was based on the music of the first three movies with motifs from mostly the MNOGs thrown in, because those are what mostly marked my personal BIONICLE experience, but BIONICLE is more than that. It's also the GBA games, the console games, the songs, the commercials, the online episodes, the later flash games, the Piraka rap, the singing squid, and so on. Which brings me to what I need you all for:

Please let me know your favourite BIONICLE music!

It could be literally anything; from an entire game soundtrack to just the drum rhythm during one specific section of a game. I'd love to know what BIONICLE music you love or is important to you!

What will I do with this information?

Currently I'm already working on gathering motifs and soundtracks into one musical book, transcribing them into notes and bringing them down to their core elements. This will serve as my vocabulary, of sorts: if I have a collection of themes at my disposal, it will be much easier to see if and how they fit together.

Here is an example of a piece from the Templar episodes that I 'collected': (it sounds off because it's MIDI, but what I did here was write down the actual notes so I can transcribe it for other musicians)

Please don't hesitate to let me know your favourite BIONICLE music (and also feel free to tell why a certain piece is important to you)! There is no time limit to this; you may always reblog or reply to this post, and my ask box is also open!

Hope you all can help me make this a real community thing, showing our Unity!

[airenyah]

(thanks for the tag @gillianthecat)

hey anon!

since i was tagged i'm just gonna share my own experience as someone who's first language is not in fact english (i'm a native german speaker). but before i do, just a quick heads up it's almost 3am over here and so this might not be all that coherent... (and also, this will be long)

anyway, anon, i feel your struggle. i feel your struggle very much

(putting the rest of my stories, explanations, and tips under a read more to avoid clogging people's dashes)

part 1 - my personal, very specific struggle

for me, that struggle is very specific, however. you see, i recently finished drama school. and since i'm austrian, i went to a drama school right here in austria where all my classes were in german which means all my classes were in german. and you know what, there's actually a whoooole lot i could say about bl when it comes to acting! but i don't. why? because i just don't have to words for it, not in english

for example, in bad buddy episode 4 there is this moment where ink fixes pat's hair and i absolutely ADORE that moment for acting reasons but i can't really share it on here because how do i talk about spielrichtungen in english? there's also this thing people are saying about ohm, which is that he's got chemistry with everyone, and i could actually tell you exactly why that is and what he's really good at EXCEPT no i can't, because how do i say "anspielen" in english?

with some terms my teacher mentioned i do know how to get the point across in english, for example the word "vordenken": i can just translate that as "to think ahead" and it will make sense in english, but then there are other things like a sentence such as "er zergeht diesen satz" which seems a little impossible

and there are so many terms and concepts that i want to talk about, but i can't, because i don't know how to say "aktionen setzen" in english. or how to talk about "brüche", "fallhöhen" or "gedanken/bilder setzen" in english. i probably could talk about "senden" in english, but i don't know if the word "to send" makes sense in that context to an english speaker. and there's so much more...

so how do i deal with this problem? unfortunately the answer is: i just don't talk about these things on here

however, i'm lucky! because my mom also went to drama school and my mom also knows how to talk about acting in german and my mom also watches asian drama and actually watches bl with me. so my solution to this is... instead of talking about these things on here in english i just talk about them in german with one specific person!

so i guess one advice i can give you is... if you feel overwhelmed sharing your thoughts in english, try to find at least one bl-loving friend who speaks your native language where you can let all your thoughts out. even if it's frustrating not being able to share your thoughts with the entire fandom, having at least one person as an outlet really does help in my experience

part 2 - general fangirling(gn) in english

ok so i've just talked about my very specific struggle with very specific technical terms. so how about talking about your favorite show in a more general sense?

alright, so if you go onto my blog you'll see that i ramble a LOT. especially in the tags. i've even written one or the other meta post (not many -- you can still count them on one single hand lol)

but you see, i wasn't good at that in the beginning either! what's the big secret? practice makes perfect! you gotta start at some point, only then you can get better

for example, when i was 16 i definitely couldn't talk about my own thoughts and feelings about tv shows very well, especially not in english. but i spent my entire late teen years reading tons and tons of spn/destiel meta on here. and then i slowly started sharing my own thoughts more and more, using the words and phrases i'd been seeing for years

just reading isn't enough. you'll build up a big passive vocabulary that way, which is a fantastic start! but if you really want to be able to share your own thoughts you actually have to turn that passive vocabulary into active vocabulary. and you do that by actively using the words and phrases

and it's difficult, it really is (personally i think turning passive vocabulary into active vocabulary is one of the hardest things about language learning). but the more you actively share your thoughts, the more you practice, the better you'll get!! i'm 25 now and i can spend ages rambling on a topic (case in point, just look at this post oops), but it was a long and difficult road. but i did it, because i kept trying

the main point that i'm trying to make here is: you have to turn sharing your thoughts into a habit, because the more you do it the more it will become second nature and you'll start doing it automatically. (as a teenager i was very bad at pointing out what i liked or disliked about a media. i actively had to train myself to do it. and it's the same thing when it comes to sharing you thoughts in english - practice practice practice, that's the important thing)

part 3 - more tips

however, i get that it's intimidating to just put your thoughts out there from one day to the other...

→ so my tip is: start small!

but how? here are some ideas:

share your thoughts in the tags

if you see a gifset, in the tags just say what you think about it, what you think about that moment/scene/parallel/etc. if it's too overwhelming then just write a single sentence! if you don't know how to share details then just share your thoughts in a more general way! it doesn't really matter, as long as you share something (and you'll see, over the years that something will turn into more and more

2. find a friend - create a save space

another thing you can do is, find a friend (or more) that you trust! talk to them in private, share your thoughts with them in private. it's a save space and you get to practice expressing your thoughts in english without a big audience watching you. i've made the experience that having at least one trusted person takes away some of the anxiety of being judged

→ another tip that i have is: don't give a fuck

if you're worried about not making sense, make a point of just not caring about it! remember, this is tumblr. no one is writing any actual papers or reviews to be published anywhere

many people just type out their thoughts as they're spilling out of their heads. a big chunk of thoughts on here are written as people are half delerious either from an emotional high after an intense episode or because they're writing down their thoughts at an ungodly hour (hi. it's 3:30 am now). do you think these people worry about being coherent? no, they don't. they just want to get their thoughts out somehow. in what way literally doesn't matter, as long as they're out. i can promise you, a whole chunk of posts definitely aren't even proof-read (this one for sure isn't haha)

also, a big number of people are english 2nd language speakers themselves! we get it. we know how difficult it is to share your thoughts in a foreign language. i promise you, most people won't judge you for your mistakes, in fact, most people will be delighted that they get to read what you have to say at all (and if anyone is being and asshole about this, then they're the problem, not you)

also,another very important thought: don't write for other people, write for yourself!! that's how i do it with most of my posts as well... i'm my own main target audience because i can't predict if anyone's even going to read my thoughts or care about them. so who the fuck cares if they're making sense if they're making sense to me? that's really what matters at the end of the day

→ lastly: share as much as you are able to

i've already mentioned this earlier, but actually i think this is important so i want to put it as it's own thing. as i've said, if you don't know how to say something in detail then for the time being just share as much as you can! the details will come with practice and experience

another thing you can do is to try and find other words. try to describe the concept. for example, i don't know how to say "er zergeht den satz" in english, but i can say "he ruins the effect of the line by saying it while walking in that exact moment". i may not know how to effectively translate the word "zergehen" in english but i can describe what i mean by it in many words

the dictionary is also your friend, and you can also look at other people's posts and check what words and phrases other people use to bring certain points across (seing how other people write/talk about a specific topic is actually a real thing professional translators/interpreters do and is referred to as "looking for parallel texts". which is something i should do for acting terms. i should read up on acting in english so i can finally learn the terms, but i've just been lazy so far hahaha)

i promise i'm done now

anon, as you can see this is the perfect example: this post is super long, it's only semi-coherent, there is barely any structure, it's not really thought out... it's just my thoughts spilling out into the post as they come to me

i don't even know if you're even reading this far, but to be honest, i don't care! i want to share my thoughts anyway, because now at least my thoughts are out there, for anyone to interact and to add on to. if you have indeed read up until here and if my thoughts did help you, then i'm very delighted!!!! but at the end of the day this is the internet and i'm just here to scream into a void, really...

i think i was indeed asking for advice so thank you for getting it despite my confusing way of asking! i believe i'm in a situation where i want to share my thoughts but 1. i can't seem to put them in order or make them make sense 2. english is not my first language and even though i can understand it and i usually use it online rather easily i struggle with translating the more analytical thoughts from my head to english, if that makes any sense. sometimes i get very overwhelmed too because of all the shows i'm watching (i'm really gonna have to put some of them on hold), not even commenting, just watching, so i can only imagine how overwhelmed i'll be if i decided to actually post about them

the thing you said about choosing one or two shows to talk about is pretty interesting and i think it is a good idea, i'll probably do that in the future if i can even choose the ones i wanna dissect publicly

tbh i have to think about if i really wanna do it because like i say i'm pretty happy just reading all your thoughts, so well put, and reblogging some pretty gifsets. it's just that sometimes i feel like there's so much in my head -too much- and i need to write it down or it'll explode, the thoughts pile up and it gets busy, am i making any sense?

the notes app is my best friend, not just for this but in life in general

thank you for listening to me and giving me such a thoughtful answer, you were never meant to be a lurker this is your element

you're welcome! thanks for writing back. I'm glad the advice was wanted.

I would say to your first point, tumblr is probably one of the safest places to let go of the need to make sense. people ramble inchoherently on here all the time. and you can always edit things later, or delete them later, and make them unrebloggable so they don't escape your control. so, no pressure to try, but if you did want to, this is pretty good place to experiment with it.

As to the second point, I am mono-lingual so I have no direct experience with it myself, but I know there are many people on here writing about BL in English as a second/third/etc language. Perhaps one of them will see this and chime in with any thoughts?

Mine are mostly an echo of the first point - this is not a place where you need to make perfect sense. And, although English dominates BL tumblr (at least from what I have seen from my English speaking corner), you can always choose to write in your first language, just to get the thoughts out of your head and out there. there may even be other speakers of it who are interested in reading your thoughts on BL. I have google translated posts in other languages before, I'm sure other people have as well.

And of course, reading and reblogging gifsets is always a wonderful use of tumblr.

But yes, there is something about writing it all down that clears up space, like releasing a pressure valve. So I can certainly see the appeal.

thank you 😊

edit: anon - look at the comments for some great advice from other people. (thanks you all!)

[bitsybunbun]

Hey Bun!

Do you have a kink that you’re actually embarrassed by (that you’d like to share on here obviously 😜)?

[Also sorry you’ve been sick!! I hope you feel better soon!]

Oh gosh, lots of them! Humiliation is one of my main kinks and luckily I'm pleasantly embarrassed about a lot of my kinks 🙈

But I'll share one that I've never talked about because I'm embarrassed about how nerdy it sounds! I'm weirdly into the vocal mechanics of the kenku from DnD. As a language play lover, vocal restrictions are really hot to me, and kenku (who can only speak by echoing sounds they've heard) live that vocal restriction. It's also kind of beautiful that they build their own individual languages and vocabularies, it reflects their personal history and personalities in a really cool way. Overall it's a rad bit of worldbuilding and I get a little hot and bothered thinking about that level of vocal limitation.

[louellaby]

FORGET-ME-NOT

REPLACED!MC AU

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

W A R N I N G

May contain bad grammar, limited vocabulary, and OOC characters. Please mind that English is not my first language, and it takes a lot of courage for me to post due to my anxiety and paranoia.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

taglist: @books-and-catears @owl778 @yourlocalgrass @kaiserkisser @hhurric4ne

PROLOGUE | CHAPTER I | CHAPTER II | CHAPTER III | LOUE'S LETTER | CHAPTER IV | CHAPTER V | LOUE'S LETTER | CHAPTER VI | CHAPTER VII | CHAPTER VIII | CHAPTER IX | CHAPTER X | LOUE'S LETTER | EPILOGUE

C H A P T E R V I I

「 To My Dear Family 」

"MC, we're leaving now. Take good care of the house with Soley until we get back. Make sure nothing bad happens or there will be consequences. Am I clear?"

The demon brothers were summoned to the castle by Diavolo. It seemed something so important, having the need to summon them so early in the morning. Lucifer said to make sure nothing bad happened while he was going on and on about minding the mansion, but you knew he wasn't talking about the building. He wanted you to make sure nothing bad happens to Soley. Otherwise, it's him you'll answer to.

"Yes, Lucifer. I heard you loud and clear. I hope you have a safe trip."

As soon as the seven of them departed without saying much to you, you headed towards your bedroom in hopes of studying the material Solomon gave you as homework. When you passed by Soley's room, you noticed how quiet it was. As if you were infected with the brothers' care for her, worry filled you, and you immediately knocked on the door. There was no answer, so you knocked once more. Just as you were about to knock again, you received a message on your D.D.D. from the girl herself.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

S O L E Y

Hello, MC. I went out today with a few of my demon friends.

Lucifer already knows this.

Don't worry about me though, I'll be fine on my own.

Do you want anything from the village?

I'll bring it back home for you.

Y O U

To which village are you heading?

You should have told me that first before you left. Lucifer never said anything about you leaving today.

S O L E Y

Well, maybe he forgot to tell you.

Although, I did tell him last night when we were in his office.

Maybe it slipped his mind because his paperwork's been piling up again.

Y O U

That's weird...

Lucifer usually never forgets anything, nor does he let anything slide right by him.

Are you sure you told him?

S O L E Y

Whether you believe me or not is up to you. It won't change the fact that I'm already outside, and I'm not telling you where I am since you'll just drag me back to the house.

I'm not a little girl anymore, MC, I can take care of myself. Tell Lucifer and his brothers that, too, because they tend to worry so much about me.

Too much even.

Y O U

You really should be more careful, Soley. Those boys are worried for good reason.

I know you think you can handle yourself, but just remember that you're in the Devildom.

This place is dangerous for humans like us. So please tell me where you are so I can at least come and protect you in any case something happens.

... Soley?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You didn't receive a reply, which made you anxious. Taking your coat with you, you dashed out of the house and headed towards Purgatory Hall. You had a feeling that Soley might have just ignored your message and didn't want to say anymore, but you couldn't risk it. You didn't want to risk anything at that moment.

As you were catching your breath from running a long way, you knocked at the door of Purgatory Hall. It opened shortly after your last knock and revealed a certain angel that displayed worry on his face the moment he laid his eyes on you.

"MC? What are you doing here? Did you run all the way here from the House of Lamentation?" Cassiel was there by your side when you almost fell to the ground. Not only were your legs trembling, but also your hands, and just your whole body. The angel first assumed that you were frightened, but a glint of a certain look in your eyes told him something different.

"M-MC!" The two of you heard a voice from down the hall of the entrance. A young angel came running towards you as soon as he saw you from the window of his bedroom. You tried to look as well as you could, but you couldn't fool him. Letting the older angel carry you inside, Luke followed the two of you shortly after closing the front door. Simeon and Solomon entered the living room where Cassiel placed you on the couch, and Luke handed you a cup of warm tea he brewed before you arrived.

But you knew you had no time for all of that. You told them what was troubling you. At first, they, too, were worried until a few seconds passed, and the thought came to them. Was it really a bad thing for Soley to disappear?

"Please help me find Soley and bring her back home! I... I need to make sure she's safe. Otherwise, my p—...p— I just.. —p-please....!" You bowed your head towards them after speaking as fast— or even faster than Leviathan whenever he's in one of his moods. They barely understood your words, so they missed the slip-up in your stuttering. You looked at all of them with your adorable puppy eye look. It was something you knew they could never resist, and something you very much needed.

Seeing a lot of ripples from the cup of tea in your hand due to your shaking, Luke grew more worried about you. You knew the young angel wouldn't allow anything bad happening to Soley, even when he wasn't fond of her as well. He was a proper angel in the making, after all.

"We have to find her quickly!" Luke exclaimed as he looked at Simeon and Solomon for help. Simeon nodded in agreement. Solomon hesitated. He looked at you, wondering if that's what you really wanted. When you nodded at him, he sighed deeply and agreed to help. He really couldn't say no to you.

Before the sorcerer could leave the room to prepare a way to locate Soley, he received a message from one of his pact demons. Barbatos himself. He then informed the rest of what the butler told him.

"Apparently, we don't have to worry about Soley anymore. Barbatos said that she's secretly being monitored, so if something happens to her, he'll be alerted right away."

Barbatos, huh? A wave of relief washed your troubles away, making you melt onto the sofa. Luke dropped himself on the spot next to you, and he rested his body against yours. He looked happy to see you again... It hurt. Why couldn't they look at you like that anymore?

After a few hours of catching up with them and getting to eat Luke's delicious cookies again, you headed back out. You agreed to let Cassiel walk you home, knowing he had something he wanted to talk to you about, and it was making you wonder. As if he could read your thoughts, he answered that question.

"Did you make up your mind yet, MC?"

"... Yes, actually.... I'm going to leave."

"I see... Back to the Human Realm, then?"

You smiled sadly in response. You looked around you and watched as the lights shone upon every demon in the streets. You passed by the stores filled with memories of you and the brothers. Memories that seemed to be too far away from your reach.

When you reached for the gates of the house, Cassiel grabbed your hand and squeezed it for a tiny moment. You quietly questioned his intentions before he spoke up, "When you ever need something, please don't hesitate to tell me. You may not think I'm as reliable as the brothers, but I'm sure I can help you in a way they can't.... So when that happens..."

The way the angel was acting made you wonder something about him. Was he always like that? Now that you thought about it, you've never had the chance to judge his character properly. You've never really seen him at the moments when he's most happy, sad, excited, or flustered. So, in the end, you ended up taking his offer. When you did, he smiled with content and waited for you to head inside the house before turning on his heels and heading back home.

You returned to your room, mind filled with thoughts. Disturbing, blurry yet clear, pretty little thoughts. Those were all you needed to pick up your pen and start writing on a piece of paper.

There, Soley sat on your bed as she fidgeted with a sealed envelope containing the letter you had just written. She recalled the sight of you when she had just returned home; you were walking down the stairs of the entrance hall, heading towards the front door with your packed luggage in hand.

"MC? Are you going somewhere?"

"Soley...! You're... home... Much, much earlier than I expected."

"Yeah, well... something happened... Never mind that— Where are you going?"

"I'm... I'm heading back to the human world."

Soley squealed with excitement, letting herself fall backwards onto your bed, hovering the letter she had already ripped open above her face.

"I left a letter for the brothers in my room... It's just on my pillow. So, if they don't see it tonight, can you give it to them tomorrow? I want you to make sure they read it after I'm already gone."

After she finished reading the contents of your message, she pushed herself up and ran out of your room. She rushed towards the common room, somewhere she knew the brothers wouldn't be around for long after just getting home. She made her way towards the fireplace and squatted down, carefully watching the flame dance before reaching the letter out to it. It didn't take long for the fire to engulf the whole thing, and the girl was smiling during the whole procedure.

The flame danced and danced and danced some more until there was nothing left of the papers but soot and ash. Soley jumped in surprise and got up on her feet when she heard the common room doors slowly creak open. She immediately dusted herself off and made sure she looked proper before facing the eldest born who had just entered the room.

"Soley, what are you doing so close to the fireplace?"

"Calm down, Lucifer. I didn't get hurt, I promise, so don't worry about me! I was just a bit cold, but I'm better now! Much, much better!"

"... Alright. We brought dinner from Hell's Kitchen, so head to the dining room. Everyone's already waiting."

"Okaayyy~!"

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

To my dear family,

I just wanted to say that I still love you no matter what happens, and I want the best for all of you. I've never thought that things would go this way. Not since you accepted me as part of your family all those years ago. I really wished it didn't come to this, but it's too late for that now.

I want you all to know that I'm happy for you. You're all cheerful and content with how everything is, and... that makes me really happy...

I'm writing this letter as a goodbye. A goodbye to all of our precious memories together and to what could have been. I'm really sorry that I went with this instead of personally saying goodbye, but even if I did get the chance to speak with you, I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it. I can't part with you while I look at your faces, so this is the best way. And, if there was any chance at all, I wouldn't want you to stop me.

By the time you're reading this, I've already left for the human realm. If you ever want to see me again, I added my home address and contact information on here. Please find me whenever you want to because I know for a fact that I would want to see you again and be part of your family once more. But for now, it's goodbye.

I'll be leaving my D.D.D. with Diavolo and Barbatos, so please don't contact me there anymore. It would be useless as I won't be able to see your messages.

Well... this letter has gone off long enough, so I'll stop here. Just remember that I love each and every one of you. I'm looking forward to you reaching out to me.

With all the love and wishes,

MC

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「 CHAPTER VI | CHAPTER VIII 」