#her response was 'no that would be lying'

[moonstruckme]

HI MAE so i didnt send the shy remus x reader ask but i saw that u wanted ideas and i had one. what about reader who's very cocky and like confident and stuff and remus is intimidated by her usually but then theyre at a party or smth and shes all drunk and shes all over him telling him stuff like how shes got the biggest crush on him or like how hes genuinely one of the most attractive people shes ever met and shy remus is js like 😳 while also taking care of her bc shes so drunk and simultaneously trying not to combust

Hi my love, thank you so much for your request!

cw: alcohol

shy!Remus x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

Really, it should be Sirius’ responsibility to look after you. It is his party, after all. But Sirius has a love for delegating unwanted tasks and also a love for meddling (which Remus theorizes he got at least partly from James). So, naturally, you’re in Remus’ lap. 

“You guys are so nice,” you croon, words strung together like cursive and fingers toying with a loose thread of Remus’ sweater. He’s resigned himself to letting you unravel the whole thing without complaint. “All of you, all your friends are the nicest…the warmest people I ever knew. How’d you do that?” 

Remus smiles down at you. “I think James has always been good at bringing out the best in people.” 

He’s not entirely sure how you came to be lying on your back on the couch, your head on Remus’ thigh and your hands reaching for the dangling thread above you like a cat enjoying some lazy play. If he asked you, Remus doesn’t think you’d know, either. It makes a lovely view for him, your eyes uptilted in his direction and features relaxed and unguarded as a result of the series of tequila shots Sirius had cajoled you into not realizing you’d already had a few drinks. Remus very much enjoys having you this close and being able to look at you so casually, even if your brassy, larger-than-life demeanor often terrifies as much as impresses him. Even if your head on his thigh makes his face feel like a fire hazard. 

“Don’t think he had to work very hard with you. You’re such a sweetheart already.” You say it so simply, an obvious truth, and Remus finds himself staying perfectly still like a rabbit in the woods that thinks it might yet escape your notice. His heartbeat pitters in everywhere from his cheeks to his fingertips. He worries he’s going to have to make a response, but your eyes widen suddenly. “Oh! Sit still.” 

No problems there. Remus moves only his eyes as you sit up from his lap, tucking your feet underneath you and reaching for him with your lip trapped between your teeth in concentration. You touch a fingertip to his cheek and smile victoriously. 

“Got it.” You turn your finger, showing him. “You had an eyelash.” You blow it off your fingertip and onto Sirius’ rug. Remus marvels at the unthinking loveliness of you. “Have I talked to you about your eyes before?” you ask conversationally. 

Remus blinks, ceasing his tracking of the eyelash to look at you. “I don’t think so,” he ventures, though he knows you haven’t. He remembers most exchanges you’ve had, and he definitely would have remembered that. 

“Oh.” Your brows purse softly. “Must’ve been with someone else,” you murmur, almost to yourself. “Anyway, it’s important to me that you know, they’re really beautiful.” 

Remus startles, partly at the compliment but mostly at the touch you lay on his cheek, your fingers cool and gentle, like you’re steadying his face for your perusal. You look into his eyes attentively. 

“They’re brown,” Remus says in a soft voice. 

Your lips tilt like he’s said something funny. “Nobody’s eyes are just brown, Remus. There are so many different kinds.” Your index finger draws a short line across his cheekbone. Remus can’t tell you mean for it to or not. “Yours are sort of like a…like a gradient. They get lighter farther down.” 

Remus decides to study your eyes as you study his, and he sees what you mean. The shadow of your lashes makes your irises look darker at the tops. It’s difficult to tell, though, with your pupils eclipsing so much of them. 

“They’re, like, a warmish brown,” you’re saying, gaze unwavering. “Like the color you want your tea to be. You know, there’s some fact or study or something that says brown eyes make people feel safe. Did you know that?” 

“I didn’t,” Remus says. The weight of your attention is taking its toll on him, his body aching to sink into the couch cushions. He wants to ask if brown eyes have that effect on you, but he doesn’t have the nerve. “Is that so?” he asks instead.

You shrug. “I dunno. Works on me.” 

The breath stalls in Remus’ lungs. You’re looking at him like you haven’t said anything out of the ordinary, expression wide open and somewhat unfocused. 

You yawn, removing your hand from his face to half cover your mouth. It’s an awfully endearing show, and over too fast. “I guess that’s probably why—” You cut yourself off with a hiccup. Your eyes flare like you weren’t expecting it, hand jumping back up in front of your mouth. Remus grins before he can stop himself. 

“Oh.” Your smile is an afterthought, a response to his. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Remus isn’t even certain what you’re apologizing for. 

Your eyes have that sweet, attentive look again. “I really like when you smile.” 

Remus feels heat spread up to the tips of his ears. It’s official. He’s got more in common with a live flame than a human anymore. “What were you saying?” he prompts. 

You bite your lip as though you’ve forgotten. “Oh!” Your eyes light. “Just, I guess that’s probably why I have such a giant crush on you.” 

Remus’ heart thuds. He breathes, “What?” 

“Yeah.” You roll your eyes, grinning at yourself. “It’s relentless.” Hiccup. “Super embarrassing. But—but you’ve got those eyes, and your freckles, and that sweetheart face…” You shrug again, helpless. Ride out another hiccup. “What am I supposed to do?” 

Remus stares at you. It seems impossible. You have a crush on him? It’s out of the natural order. The world’s gone to chaos. It’s supposed to be the other way around! Remus pines silently after you, you eventually find some big, cocksure bloke who can match you, and Remus continues to pine whilst you go on with your brilliant, dazzling life. That’s the way it’s meant to be. 

“I would…” Remus finds his mouth forming around words he doesn’t recognize until they come out. “I’d know a thing or two about a crush like that.” 

Your lips part, but you don’t look offended. “Well, yeah. I’d hope you knew I fancied you, I’ve only been seeking you out ever since we met.” 

Not what he meant. Remus did not, in fact, know that. 

“I didn’t notice you were,” he admits. 

Your head tilts. “Really?” There’s an obvious follow up question—then what did you mean just now?—but for one reason or another, you don’t ask it. You only lean onto his shoulder, your head slipping a few inches down his arm.

Remus channels all his bravery into an arm around your waist to keep you from slumping further. He vows to himself to tell you tomorrow.

[xoluvx]

lunch; b.eilish .˚₊✩ part seven ✩₊˚.

it's a craving not a crush

part six

If there's one thing Billie knew for certain, it was that she loved every second she got to spend with you. When she came over last night, she hadn't expected to stay longer than a few hours. Definitely planned on being home for the night. Totally didn't care that she spent it with you instead.

How many hours had it been since she stepped foot through your door? It'd felt like an eternity. An eternity of drifting through space, bodies intwined. An eternity that stretched over the course of one night and one glorious morning. Bodies sweating. Breathing heavy.

"I'm going to shower," you stated in a low voice. Billie was lying next to you. Watching the way your chest rose and fell, trying to control your breathing. She marveled at your beauty. She'd always been in awe, but there was something about your swollen parted lips gasping for air that stirred something in her. Maybe it was the fact that she'd done that. That she was the reason for literally taking your breath away.

Pushing the covers off your body, you slipped out of bed searching for your shirt on the floor. When you couldn't find it, you settled for hers, slipping it over your head tugging at it until it covered enough. Billie's heart was racing. How was it possible that something so mundane like you wearing her t-shirt, which you'd done plenty of times before, was driving her absolutely wild? She wanted to bite your pillow and smother her face in your lingering scent.

"Are you joining?" you asked glancing at her with a small smirk. Billie's lips parted, eyes blinking and processing. Shower? Together? You wanted her to shower with you? You. You were inviting her-

When you raised your brow and turned, she scrambled to her feet. Pulling the tangled blanket off of her body. Feet planted on the floor slightly wobbly from the reoccurring events. She followed you like a lost puppy into the bathroom. The door closing and shutting your bodies in a whirlwind of possibilities.

There was something so intimate about your bodies huddled in the shower trying to find comfort in the warmth of the trickling water. Switching places every few seconds, bodies brushing and tingling like you hadn't just spent hours giving your bodies up for pleasure.

"Can you-" you handed her the scrub motioning to your back before turning. Billie nodded. Her hand was shaking as she ran it along your back. It was like she was seeing you with new eyes. Suddenly the touch of your skin under her fingertips as she held your shoulder was intimidating. The way you breathed and sighed contently as she focused on your shoulder blades sent her into a spiral.

"Is that good?" she asked softly and you nodded in response turning to look at her. When your eyes met, she felt a spark flash between your bodies. The look on your face was soft. Your smile small and sweet as you grabbed the scrub from her hand; your fingers brushing. The two of you staring at the place where they linked like you hadn't committed acts that were too unholy for friends before.

Then your eyes met again and all the pieces were falling into place for her. Her fingers absentmindedly linked with yours. The scrub fell between your bodies as she cupped your face, lips touching ever so slightly in the mist of the water.

Your lips were cold, but tender. So tenderly soft against her own. Sweet. So sugary sweet she'd crash after this sugar high, but she didn't care. She craved your taste. She loved the way your lips molded with hers so perfectly. Like you were handcrafted just for her.

Maybe it was just the infatuation. You were teaching her how to be with a woman. Something she'd never experienced. She knew it was something that would alter her brain chemistry. It wasn't just the "experience". She was feeling it in her heart. You were intertwining yourself so deep in the fabric of her being it was impossible to go a day without seeing you. Without wanting to be near you.

You winced when your back give the cold wall, but she felt you instantly warm up to her touch as you guided her down your body. She hooked your leg over her shoulder. The water hit the side of her body as she buried her face between your legs. Her tongue peeking through her teeth, parting your lips. A soft moan escaped your body as you rested your hand on her head.

She worked her tongue in the exact ways she'd meticulously memorized. The way you'd flicked. The way you'd rotated and lapped bringing her closer and closer to her untimely demise. She was weak in comparison. Not lasting more than a few minutes each time, but you.. you'd once told her that holding it was a lot pleasurable and made the orgasm stronger. She could tell that's what you were doing.

Clenching around her fingers. They curled in your pussy, pushing on your spongy walls as you quivered and whimpered biting on your lower lip. Billie had heard plenty of moans. All of them artificial. None of them comparable to yours. Yours were raw. Full of emotion. She could tell exactly what you were feeling from the pitch and inflection of your voice. It was crystal clear.

"Stop," you cried pushing her head away. Fingers digging into her scalp. It'd all been clear except that. Why did you stop her? She looked up at you with confusion. You were breathing heavy, head leaned back on the wall. You pulled your leg down gently, wincing and inhaling as you pushed your body off the wall. Billie stood cupping your neck searching your face before kissing you softly. You indulged gripping her arms.

"We should finish showering," you whispered, clearing your throat and pulling away first. Billie's eyes remained closed. Lips still numb from your taste. She nodded slowly as you stepped away and into the water. The droplets coating your skin still so confused and dazed. When you switched, she scrubbed her hair as if she were scrubbing away the memories of every time you'd kissed. Every time your bodies were tangled. Scrubbing away the intimacy of this moment.

You were the first to step out of the shower leaving her trapped with the steam and the thoughts in her head. Every last one stained by you. There were traces of you in every corner of her brain. The lyrics to the song she'd been working on were jumbled. It was you. Of course, every last little word was about you.

It hadn't been clear until you stepped out leaving her alone for the first time in hours and her heart already missed you so fondly. Yes, her body craved your touch, but her heart yearned for you affection. Affection that seemed to have escalated from pure friendship to something else. What else? She couldn't decipher it yet.

When she walked into your room, drying her hair messily with your towel, you were already dressed.

"Where are we going?" she asked wrapping the towel around her shoulders before sitting at the edge of the bed, eyes glancing around the room trying to find the rest of her clothes. The only thing on her body was the shirt you'd taken to the bathroom with you earlier.

"Oh," you exhaled looking at her through the mirror. She was leaning back holding her body up by her arm as she looked at your curiously.

"Um- it's super last minute and I wasn't sure if you wanted to hang out for the rest of the day, but remember that girl I was talking to a while ago?" you were rambling. Talking quickly almost as if you were hoping she'd miss half of the words you were saying. For what reason, she wasn't quick sure. You were usually straight forward and never shied away from honestly.

Billie tried hard to remain composed. Expressionless as she watched you fumble with the bottom of your shirt, smoothing it over nervously.

"I'm gonna meet up with her. You can stay-" you moved forward motioning to the room. She scoffed, getting up from the bed desperately searching for her pants. She scurried as you rambled on about it being last minute and how you hadn't seen her in so long completely missing the fact that she'd made you cry weeks ago and Billie was the one there to pick up the pieces.

"No. I need to go any way. Finn is waiting for me-" she mumbled finally spotting her pants with relief. She pulled them up haphazardly almost tripping as she buttoned them. The towel fell from her shoulders, wet hair clinging to her neck and her shoulders dampening her shirt. Her chest felt tight, but she wasn't going to let you see her like this.

The fucking contract. You'd made a fucking contract that strictly forbad her from falling in love and if this wasn't love then why did it feel like a ton of bricks just fell on her chest? Why did it feel like she'd been punched in the gut when you told her you were seeing someone else? Not just seeing someone else, you were leaving her for someone else.

"I'll text you," she heard you croak as she grabbed her phone and raised her hand in a 'see ya later' motion. She rushed down the hall and out of the house like it was about to catch on fire and she only had seconds to escape. The only thing on fire was her throat as she felt the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. It stung.

When she slammed the door shut to her car, she glanced at the passenger seat. The black velveteen box almost blended with the car seat apart from the pink bow so neat. So pure and harmless. She'd almost forgotten all about it. Forgotten that she'd also come last night with the intention of surprising you, but instead you'd surprised each other with a night and morning of endless pleasure.

Clearing her throat, she messily wiped her tears bringing her hands down her cheeks harshly as she sniffled and turned on the engine.

Where did you go from here? She wasn't entirely sure.

Except maybe a whole new contract. One that forbad spending the night.

•

.˚₊✩ masterlist ✩₊˚.

.˚₊✩ taglist ✩₊˚. @rockyourworldcc @be3flow3r @crazyoffher @lulukings92 @iknowhowtobend @ash198458 @delusional-4-fake-people @dandelions4us @jollyreginaldrancher @chrissv4mp

[yuanist]

kuroo texts you at 3:52 am, almost three months after you broke up.

admittedly, you probably should've silenced notifications from him by now, but when you roll over—eyes barely open, a little headache from the light—you know you're much, much too late.

a text, from your ex-boyfriend, the big, blue bubble stretched across your phone.

i just moaned your name during sex.

you blink at the screen.

you what?

moaned your name, he sends. totally ruined the moment.

you look up, and then down, and then up one more time to make sure what you’re looking it is real and not some strange, midnight hallucination before typing again.

you’re fucking with me, right?

dead serious, he replies. worst moment of my life.

you can hear his voice in the text, and if you weren’t so caught up in thinking about the poor girl who probably just had the worst sexual experience of her life, you would laugh.

you need to find a hobby or something, tetsurou. you send. and preferably one that doesn't involve tinder.

i have hobbies!

non-sexual ones?

he types for a while before a short, little totally! pops up on his side of the conversation.

and you hate that this is the part of him that’s most intriguing. the unintentional charm, too weird for his own good part that keeps you texting him at four in the morning.

yeah, you send, quicker than you intended. totally.

and suddenly, you're really considering something you shouldn't. before tonight, you hadn't heard from in a while—at least not enough to be thinking about him. you'd resigned yourself to your little, single life and you figured boyfriends might be more harm than they're worth (at least for a while, anyway), but now you have a new little do you wanna come over? typed out into your messaging app, finger hovering over the send button.

you take a minute, trying to rationalize.

the responsible part of you thinks it's way too late to be asking for anything good. you have class in the morning, and you're all tucked into bed, and bringing him here would really stir up some old feelings you weren't looking to bring back right now.

the other part of you—the more fun of the two, you'll admit—knows that you're thinking about him and he's... definitely thinking of you, so what's the harm in indulging a little bit? maybe nothing would happen anyway and you'd just end up staring at each other for a while, but sitting in your bed alone, staring doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world.

you send the text.

there's radio silence for a moment, and you think you might have just fucked the whole we can be exes and friends! thing up, but after a moment or two, he replies.

really?

and you sigh, don't make me change my mind.

he sends an immediate be there in 10, and you flop yourself back into the pillows.

now, okay, you'd be lying if you said you haven't been in this situation before. you and kuroo have always had a strange habit of—gravitating towards each other, to put it politely. it doesn't matter how many times you guys swear each other off, there's always going to be a party, or a text, or a run-in at the grocery store that brings you together (in more ways than one).

the whole i just moaned your name thing, though, that one's new.

your eyes flicker up to the ceiling, then down to your feet, and then, finally, your phone—the reality of this whole thing sinking in a little.

are you supposed to—shave your legs for this? put on your good pajamas: the ones that ride up a little when you bend over? is that where this is going? you're pretty sure it is, but every time this has happened before, it's been a little more spontaneous than this. right now, you have time to prepare and time to think, which you're now realizing is something you really did not want.

you sit there for a minute, coming to the conclusion that this is kuroo. you dated for two years, and you shared a bed at night for more of that time than you'd care to admit, so what does it matter how prepared you are?

you hear a key turn in the front door (the one from under the mat; you took away his actual key you think) and, all of a sudden, you're kind of nervous.

you haven't felt this way in a while, especially when it comes to him. you think you might hate it.

nevertheless, your feet hit the floor and you let yourself pad your way into the entryway, just in time to see someone sliding his shoes into the gap between the doorway and the wall.

you flick the light on, and he jumps a little.

a beat of silence, and then, "hi."

that's all you can come up with right now, truly, and you blame half of it on the time and the other half on the fact that kuroo looks like that.

he's always been pretty, no doubt about that, but right now he looks a little beat up in a way that you have to admit you're kind of into.

his hair's messed up: half of it shifted more left than right, with a little curl to it that he doesn't normally have. his cheeks are red, and he's a sort of out of breath and—did he run here?

"hi," he says, smiling, heaving out a breath.

(oh, he totally did. maybe you're a little more alluring than you thought).

you chuckle out one more, final hi, before he steps towards you.

he smells good—not that that's something you focus on, obviously—but he's still wearing that cologne you bought him last christmas and there's a little tinge of sweat to him that suits him so much better than you'd think.

he has a t-shirt on—one you got from a concert a couple years ago; you can't remember exactly when anymore, but it's clear that the thing has gotten its wear. the hole in the left shoulder is glaring at you from here and you kind of want to poke it.

"i have your key, by the way," he says then, dangling the little thing between his fingers. "did you ask for it back?"

oops.

"i—meant to." you snatch it from him, tossing it onto one of the side tables. "definitely meant to."

his hand lingers there for a second, a big, toothy smile spread across his face. "oh, sure you did."

and you eye him, a short what's that supposed to mean? rolling out of your lips.

he shakes his head, moving closer again—so much so that you can feel the cast of his breath along your cheeks.

"you still like me," he says, and you swear you can see his vocal cords bob in his throat.

"pardon?"

"you think i'm fun—and endearing, and still worthy of a house key."

"i think you're nuts." you say, fluttering your lashes a little. "and really not in the position to be making these accusations."

"you really think so?" he leans in one more time, close enough that his lips brush that arch between your jaw and your neck. "go ahead—tell me all about how crazy i am."

you feel something inside you quiver.

this right here, this is the whole game between the two of you. some sick little cat-and-mouse thing that always leads to something that you regret in the morning and—inevitably—repeat next week.

truthfully, though, you're getting kind of sick of fighting it.

"god, i can't stand you." you back away, edging towards the hallway that leads to your room. "are you coming with me or what?"

and he grins, because of course he is.

reblogs are appreciated! ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

[helen-with-an-a]

Healing

Hi, so this is Part 2 of You Hate Me. There will definitely be a part 3 and probably a Part 4. But I hope you enjoy it <3<3<3<3

Shout out to @lyak12 for helping me out and giving me encouragement ahahaha - forehead smooches for uuuu 💕

Part 1 : Part 2

Lucy Bronze x sister!Reader

Description: R finally starts to move on and heal

Word Count: 3.4k

It was silent. The kind of silence that stretched across the room like a suffocating blanket, pressing against the walls until they seemed to shrink inward. You could have heard a mouse sneeze or the faintest creak of the old floorboards beneath the weight of a ghost. Lucy sat motionless on the bed, her posture rigid, her eyes fixed on the phone that lay discarded on the floor like a venomous thing. The glow of its screen had dimmed, but its presence radiated with an almost malevolent energy. Behind her, Ona knelt, her hand half-raised as if reaching for an answer suspended in the thick, unmoving air.

“That’s not true … is it?” Ona’s voice was a whisper, more a breath than a question, barely cutting through the silence. But Lucy heard it; she had to. The only response was the tightening of her jaw, the muscle tensing so sharply it seemed to carve shadows across her cheek.

“Lucia?” Ona ventured again, her voice fragile, cracking like thin ice. This time, she reached out, fingers brushing lightly against the soft fabric of Lucy’s shirt. The moment shattered like glass as Lucy shot up, the bed creaking beneath her sudden movement. She snatched up her phone and began to pace, the rhythmic thud of her footsteps filling the silence with tension.

“Lucia.” Ona’s voice turned firmer, cutting through the charged space like a blade.

“What, Ona?” Lucy snapped, spinning on her heel. Her eyes, usually so warm, were storm-dark, and for a moment Ona flinched under the glare.

“What she just said … that’s not true, is it? It can’t be true.” The question hung in the air between them, an accusation and a plea tangled into one.

“Well, it is,” Lucy said, each word dropping like a stone into the pit between them. The room seemed to shudder with the weight of her admission. Her hand gripped the phone so tightly that her knuckles were white, a stark contrast to the flush of anger spreading across her skin.

The room shifted, the energy twisting and sharp. Ona’s eyes widened; disbelief painted across her features as she searched for anything in Lucy’s expression that would contradict what she had just heard. But there was only raw, unyielding truth.

“You can’t mean that,” Ona said, her voice thickening as emotion clawed at her throat. “Familia … familia is everything.”

“She is not my family,” Lucy spat, the venom in her voice startling in its ferocity. Each syllable dripped with resentment that had festered for years, an old wound torn open and bleeding anew.

“She’s your hermana,” Ona said, her tone wavering between a declaration and a plea. It was as though stating it aloud would shift the reality, would force Lucy to reconsider.

“And I hate her for it,” Lucy replied, her voice breaking at the end, betraying the deep chasm of hurt that lay beneath her anger. She turned away again, shoulders trembling with a mix of fury and something that looked achingly like grief.

It had been three long months since Lucy promised she’d fix things between you. She had looked straight into Ona's eyes, swearing that she would try, that she would reach out, and that she would sit down to talk with you. The weight of that promise hung heavy in the air, a lingering tension that neither of you could shake.

Lucy despised lying to Ona, but the truth was too complicated to share. She couldn’t just send you a random text out of the blue, asking to meet up after everything that had happened. It felt wrong, and even more so, she didn’t even have your number saved in her phone anymore. She thought about it often, how you might react if she did reach out. Deep down, she was fairly certain that, even if she had begged you for a chance to explain herself, you would have turned her away. So, instead, she chose silence.

She took the summer to relax, to move to London, the distance between your flats less than a twenty-minute drive. She started at her new club, immersing herself in work and the hustle of a new city, trying to find a rhythm in her life without you. To Ona, she created a narrative, a facade of resolution. Yes, you had met; yes, you had talked and cried, and yes, you had both agreed to be civil. In her mind, you both started moving on, creating lives that didn’t intersect, both pretending to let go. She didn’t tell Ona that she couldn’t reach out to you. That she didn’t really want too either. She was perfectly happy with the way things were. She had her life, and you had yours. You wouldn’t have wanted her to reach out.

Except you would have. You would have done whatever Lucy wanted, without hesitation. If she had reached out, you would have replied immediately, agreeing to meet with no hesitation, even if self-loathing washed over you in waves. No matter how much you hated yourself for it, the thought of ignoring her would have been unbearable.

You would have walked to that little coffee shop in the heart of London, the very place where countless memories lingered. You would have felt a knot of resentment twist in your stomach with every step. You would have watched the door intently, every minute stretching painfully, your mind racing with what-ifs and should-haves. Each time the bell above the door tinkled, you would have hated the way your heart leapt in response, a foolish flutter of hope that perhaps this time, it would be her. You would have cursed your own vulnerability, the way your body betrayed your resolve to move on.

Yet, despite all the anger and sadness, you would have done it anyway. You would have waited for her, yearning to hear her voice, needing to see her face again, even if it meant grappling with the truth of your tangled emotions. Each moment spent there would be a testament to your feelings, a silent acknowledgment that, despite everything, you were still drawn to her in a way you couldn’t fully understand.

You weren't going to deceive yourself – not anymore. That resolve had taken root in you on that brutal morning when you woke up, head pounding, heart shattered. You had vowed to allow yourself the time to grieve, to feel the sharp ache of loss without rushing the healing process. However long it took, you would give yourself that space. And, day by day, the wounds dulled. Watching Lucy's life unfold from a distance stopped stinging quite so much, and with each sunrise, another small piece of you wove itself back together.

For a week, you allowed yourself to fall apart. You mourned, sobbed, let every pang of sorrow run its course for the sister you had loved like family but had never truly had. Then, you chose to begin again. You left the cramped room in Alnwick, packing your life into boxes and setting your sights on London. There, you poured yourself into work, each task a stitch in the tapestry of a new life. You pushed yourself to meet new people, to explore parts of the city that felt unfamiliar and exciting. Gradually, your time outside the house expanded, and so did your world.

You even made it to an Arsenal-Bayern match – an opportunity to see both Leah and Georgia on the pitch together. Watching them, seeing the warmth in their smiles, and the comfort in their hugs, stirred something inside you. For a fleeting moment, you allowed yourself to imagine it was Lucy’s arms around you, grounding you, holding you close.

"Hello, gorgeous girl," Leah greeted, laughing as she playfully ruffled your hair.

"Hi, Leah," you replied, a soft smile breaking through as you leaned in for a hug.

This wasn’t your first meet-up with Leah. Your mum had reached out to her, asking her to look out for her "littlest baby" as you adjusted to life in London. And just like that, you’d become a sort of unofficial addition to the Arsenal family. Most of the England girls were aware of the strained history with Lucy, how you’d barely registered in her life. Yet, little by little, they’d pulled you into their circle, coaxing you out of your shell and into a place where you finally felt seen.

"Y'know, that offer’s still open," Leah murmured softly, her hands moving in a comforting rhythm along your back.

"I know," you replied, a small smile playing on your lips. "I got another email about it the other day."

Before you could say more, Georgia joined the hug, pulling you both in tight. "What offer?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.

You took a breath, letting the excitement bubble up as you spoke. "I got an email … from the FA. They’ve seen my photos – they liked them, actually. They’re offering me a chance to work with them as a photographer. Not the action shots, but the behind-the-scenes stuff. Capturing the players just… living, being themselves, showing the everyday moments."

Georgia’s eyes sparkled as she looked between you and Leah, clearly impressed. "That’s huge!"

"It’s big," you admitted, the reality of it still sinking in. "They want a team of four photographers. To help show the players as normal people. And they’re holding a spot for me if I want it."

Leah grinned, squeezing your shoulder. "You’d be amazing at that. They’d be lucky to have you."

You felt warmth spread through you as their support wrapped around you, grounding you and lifting you at the same time. This opportunity wasn’t just a job – it was a chance to carve out something meaningful, something of your own.

"I want to take it," you murmured softly, the weight of the decision hanging in your voice. "I just…" Your voice trailed off, hesitation tangling with hope.

Leah squeezed you tighter, her voice gentle but firm. "I'll talk to Sarina. Make it clear you’ll be separate. No interactions necessary."

You didn't need to elaborate – Leah and Georgia understood enough. They might not have known every painful detail of your history with Lucy, but they’d seen the shadows that used to linger in your eyes slowly fade. They’d watched as your smiles, once fragile and forced, gradually softened and grew genuine. This job offer was a step forward, but the thought of Lucy potentially being around stirred a familiar unease.

Before the silence could settle too heavily, Georgia nudged Leah with a grin. "Not sure why they think people would want to see Leah more. Everyone knows she's anything but normal." She stuck her tongue out, her playful tone slicing through the tension.

"Says you, cheeky fucker," Leah shot back, rolling her eyes with a grin as she pulled Georgia in for a side hug.

That night, you took a deep breath and sent off the confirmation email. As soon as you hit "send," a mix of excitement and anxiety surged through you, bubbling beneath the surface. It was a huge opportunity, one you’d dreamed of, but the what-ifs nagged at you. What if you ran into Lucy?

You knew she was in London, her presence like a shadow at the back of your mind. Chelsea had welcomed her with open arms, and by all accounts, she was thriving back in the WSL. Her life seemed bright and full – photos of her smiling with her new teammates, celebrating goals, her happiness almost palpable even from afar. She looked like she was where she was meant to be, in a space that had no room for you.

The thought unsettled you. It wasn't the same hurt as before, but an echo of it – a reminder of the distance that had always stretched between you. This new role would bring you closer to the world she lived in, closer than you had been in a long time.

But you reminded yourself of Leah and Georgia’s words, their support grounding you. They would be there, making sure you had the space to grow and heal without the interference of old wounds. You could do this. You wanted this, a chance to finally create something of your own, to build a life where you weren’t haunted by past disappointments.

And so, with a mix of nerves and hope, you closed your laptop, letting the enormity of this new chapter settle over you. Whatever happened, you were moving forward.

To: y/n.tough@outlook.com From: wilson.kim@englandfootball.com Hi Y/N, Congratulations. Welcome aboard the team. We’re so delighted to have you; your photographs are truly incredible and capture exactly what we are looking for. As you know, we have four photographers on the team, so we have split the England Women’s senior squad into four. Please see the list below for your players. For those who play outside of the WSL, please organise your own flights and accommodation but reimbursement will be made if you send in the receipts. The breakdown of the assignment is in the document attached. Y/N Tough – players: Leah Williamson Lotte Wubben-Moy Georgia Stanway Keira Walsh Alessia Russo Beth Mead Attachment: Y/N Tough – assignment brief Please do not hesitate if you have any questions. I look forward to working with you, Sincerely, Kim Wilson. Managing Social Media and Outreach Director

You couldn’t hold back a laugh when the list of names came through. It was obvious Leah had pulled some serious strings for you, probably calling in every favour she had. But as you read over the names, excitement bubbled up in your chest, mixing with a sense of wonder. For the first time in a long time, you felt genuinely seen. You never imagined you’d reach this point, where your work would be valued by people who actually wanted you around, people who recognised your talent and believed in you.

The realisation hit you hard. For so long, you’d been weighed down by the sting of constant rejection, a silent ache you had buried so deep that you hadn’t even noticed its impact. You’d convinced yourself it was normal, that maybe you simply weren’t meant to fit in or be accepted. But now, sitting here with your laptop open and this email in front of you, that old pain seemed to ease, just a little. It was like a tight knot in your chest had loosened, allowing space for something softer, something brighter.

This new opportunity felt like a fresh start – a chance not only to showcase your work but to belong, to carve out a place for yourself among people who truly valued you. The familiar ache, that constant reminder of past rejections, had softened, replaced by a tentative sense of pride. Maybe… maybe you were healing, after all?

You let yourself linger on the thought, the possibility of healing, of moving on from the scars of the past. It wasn’t the kind of thing that would happen overnight, but in this moment, it felt attainable. You were no longer defined by the shadows of what you lacked or the people who’d overlooked you. Instead, you were finally stepping into your own light.

"Leah," Beth groaned, laughing as she eyed a very stubborn Leah, who was perched childishly on top of the kitchen counter. Leah's face scrunched up in exaggerated distaste as Alessia held out a spoonful of pasta sauce, trying to coax her into tasting it. Smiling to yourself, you brought your camera up, snapping a quick shot before lowering it again.

You always preferred to work that way – keeping your camera tucked away, only bringing it out for a fleeting moment to capture something genuine. Over the years, you'd learned to stay in the background, a wallflower observing life from the sidelines. Being around people who were used to the spotlight, you knew that the moment they noticed a camera, they’d instinctively turn on that public persona. So, you’d made it a habit to hide your camera, only clicking when a moment truly called for it.

"I don’t understand why I have to have the sauce," Leah whined, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Because you need actual nutrition," Alessia laughed, shaking her head as she turned back to the stove. "And I’ll be damned if I let you eat plain pasta."

"I get plenty of nutrition, thank you very much," Leah huffed.

"Drinking protein smoothies doesn’t count, Le," Lotte chimed in, grinning as she joined in the teasing. She stuck her tongue out, and you captured another shot of their playful banter, the warmth and laughter filling the kitchen.

Leah slid off the counter, grumbling as she made her way over to you. "Y/NNNNNN," she whined, wrapping her arms around you. "They’re being mean."

"Sorry, Leah," you replied, leaning back into her embrace. A soft sigh escaped you, contentment washing over you as you soaked in the light-hearted moment.

"Can I take a photo?" Lotte asked, nodding towards the camera hanging around your neck.

"Uh…" You hesitated, the thought of being on the other side of the lens making you feel oddly vulnerable.

"It’s okay if you don’t want me to," Lotte quickly reassured, her tone gentle.

"No, no," you managed, giving her a smile. "How about a group one?" You nodded toward Leah and Beth, hoping that sharing the spotlight would take off some of the pressure.

"Lessi? Photo?" Beth called over, waving Alessia to join.

"Nope, the sauce is almost done, and I don’t want it to burn," Alessia replied, waving them off with a grin.

Before you knew it, Beth and Leah were squishing their faces against yours, grinning and laughing as Lotte snapped the photo. The moment was a blur of warmth and closeness, a reminder of how far you'd come. Here, in this kitchen filled with laughter and teasing, you finally felt like part of something real. And for once, being in front of the camera didn’t feel so daunting.

It continued like that – small, intimate moments, snapshots of laughter and friendship, as you found yourself surrounded by people you were slowly coming to think of as friends. Each frame you captured was filled with warmth, with faces you were beginning to trust, and with memories that made you smile. It was a strange, almost surreal feeling to be surrounded by footballers and not feel the familiar ache. In the past, every encounter with this world had been shadowed by Lucy – her dismissive comments, the way she’d turned people away from you without a second thought. Football had once been a painful reminder of rejection, but now, the hurt had started to fade.

"Are you sure you don’t mind?" you asked Leah one afternoon, your voice wavering with lingering hesitation. Her bright blue eyes met yours, steady and gentle.

"Not in the slightest," she replied with a reassuring smile.

It was the London Derby. Over the past few months, you’d become a regular at Arsenal matches, using each game as an opportunity to work on your Lionesses project, but also taking a few personal shots for yourself. You enjoyed these games now, finding inspiration and comfort in the sport, rather than pain.

Still, the idea of seeing Lucy lingered at the edges of your mind, a quiet fear you couldn’t quite shake. Even after nearly six months of silence, you knew you weren’t ready. You’d spent so much time and energy mending yourself, stitching up the wounds that had felt endless and raw. Piece by piece, you were rebuilding, learning to stand on your own without looking back. The thought of seeing her – even just catching a glimpse of her on the field – was too much. You feared it would unravel everything you’d worked so hard to mend, the fragile progress you’d made in healing yourself.

So, you stayed close to Leah and the others, grateful for their understanding, for the way they shielded you without asking too many questions. For the first time in a long time, you felt safe, not just from the world but from the pain of your own past. And as you lifted your camera to capture another candid moment, you realised you were finally starting to find peace – one frame at a time.

[ninguitar]

SUGAR TALKING, 𓈒𓈒 ningning as ur gf with a twist.

pairing. ning yizhuo x f!r genre. fluff wc. 900+ notes. ningning ver of this fic as per request !! ( MASTERLIST. )

now playing ⋆ sweet by cigarettes after sex

AMIDST YOUR LONG SCHEDULE FOR THE DAY was a box shaded in blue highlighter on your calendar, marking "TIME TO CALL NINGNING."

to balance your guys' relationship and one-another's respective responsibilities and duties, the two of you arranged specific times each week to call each other—to ensure that you two wouldn't miss each other too much while she was away.

and as much as ningning would tell you they were sufficient enough, both of you knew she was evidently lying. the chinese girl couldn't help but miss you, barely able to think of anything coherent without you popping up in her head.

plopping onto your bed, you're met with a black screen, the call between the two of you successfully connecting. confusion litters your face, as you stare at your reflection, waiting for ningning.

while it was still the afternoon for you, it was midnight for the chinese girl, and as much as you didn't wanna call so late for the girl—who had promotions and concerts early in the morning—she insisted, wanting to make it comfortable and easier for you.

"hello?" her voice barely audible, with the screen still pitch black.

"ning, i can't see you," you whisper against your phone, your voice hushed and quiet, afraid that the chinese girl could get caught.

ningning moves her phone closer to her face, the light from your end on the call illuminating her features. any time the chinese girl felt bored, tired, or upset, she always found refuge in you; you were her safety net, and vice-versa.

your eyes trace her features, barely able to fully see them, but nonetheless, you couldn't help but admire the girl's sheer beauty. heat curls at your cheeks at the way despite her features barely on-screen, she was still ultimately gorgeous.

"why's it dark? i thought you were rooming alone this time," you ask, confusion washing over your features.

"aeri's already asleep," the chinese girl whispers, cautious as she does so.

usually, the members were all in different rooms, so you raise an eyebrow at the way it suddenly changed.

"shit, sorry—we can always call tomorrow," you blurt out, not wanting to bother ningning, as your finger hovers over the hang-up button.

"no- no, it's fine, baby," she interjects, her voice gentle and soft, making a small pout form on your face. your knees buckle a bit at the way her voice is reassuring, almost alluring, even. if she said anything in that same gentle tone, you were sure you would be compliant with whatever she said.

"i missed you anyway," she murmurs against her phone, her voice barely above a whisper. with her cheeks obviously flushed, you couldn't help but poke tease at her.

"'m just so amazing, aren't i, huh? makin' the ning yizhuo fold so easily," you tease, your quiet tone matching her volume, despite the chinese girl already wearing airpods anyway.

even through the phone, you could feel the way ningning scoffs, already picturing her face distorting in audaciousness. your eyes scrutinize her features—from the top of her head to her neck—noticing her tousled dark hair, to the eye-bags painting her face.

and by then, you couldn't help but find her to be a divinity, regardless of her disheveled appearance.

to ningning, it was merely a dystopian idea to her that, it felt like she couldn't breathe or think properly without being near your presence.

"yeah, maybe you are," the girl plays along to your jokes, making you turn your head away for a brief moment to hide your flushed cheeks.

adorned with a wide smile, you chuckle, a lovesick look in your eyes. "i must be in heaven then, aren't i? what have i done to deserve a girl like you?"

ningning shakes her head, a toothy grin playing on her face, as she drawls, "well, you're gorgeous—that's for one." you can feel the girl's grin, especially with the way her voice was tender.

"are you trying to flirt with me, ning yizhuo?" you ask, exaggerating your shock, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"so what if i am?" she coaxes, a shit-eating smirk adorning her face. propping her phone up against the bed's headboard, ningning yawns, carding a hand through her hair.

you scoff, incredulous, "you looked just so fuckin' good for whiplash," you drawl out, sighing.

before she could tease you again, the chinese girl is interrupted by a yawn from herself. rubbing her eyes, a sigh drifts from her lips, making you remember the late hour for ningning.

"shit, i should be lettin' you get to sleep now, shouldn't i?" you mumble, earning you a frantic ningning shaking her head, as you pout at your girlfriend's persistence to not sleep. you roll your eyes, noticing the way the girl is struggling to even keep her eyes open.

"no- no, c'mon. 5 more minutes—tops," ningning whines desperately, "i'm more than awake; i'm so lively." though, her body betrays her words, as a yawn erupts from her breath at the end of her sentence.

you run your hand through your hair, as a series of giggles escape your breath. tilting your head in disproval, you scoff, "you have performances tomorrow, baby, c'mon—just listen to me."

she huffs, trying to compromise with you, "fine, but stay on call till i fall asleep. i promise i'll sleep."

you nod begrudgingly, before the two of you hold your pinkies toward your guys' screen, making a promise that she'd fall asleep while you stayed on call. the chinese girl falls asleep rather hastily, proving you right.

"sweet dreams, ning."

it's so sweet, knowing you love me

though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet

[sierrale8ne]

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS CHAPTER NINE

thought i’d be lying if i said ‘i didn’t want you to myself.’ when you look me in my eyes and, tell me that it’s mine, i…

pairing wnba!paige bueckers x singer!oc

taglist @thaatdigitaldiary @ohbueckers @wbbgetsmewetter @rosemariiaa @tndaqlifwy @patscorner @pboogerswbb @xxloveralways14 @makethemhoesmad @slvt4her @uconnpazzi @luvapaigeeyy @hedidnotpleaseme @paigesbabygirl @mopopshop @omg-imtumbling @ch12334 @wbb4l

kalena speakss 🪽! chapter in honor of game day! but it’s not looking too good for our faves i fear.

June 2025 — Los Angeles, California

“Can you open the door?”

“In a second, K! Be patient!”

“We need to talk, open this door!” Kaylee yells, her fist pounding against the door.

I groan, tugging on some sweatpants and a shirt over my recently moisturized body. I had just gotten back from my pilates class, fresh out of a shower when she called and told me she’d be visiting.

I throw open the door, stumbling over my pant leg. “What?”

“We need to talk about your birthday show.”

The show is something we’ve been planning all year, music is what I love and I wanted to spend my birthday doing what I loved. But still, this show has been finalized for weeks, so I huff at Kaylee irritatedly. She dragged me out of the shower and banged on my door to talk about this?

“What about it, K?”

“So Summer backed out.” She starts, walking into my condo and dropping her bag on the table. She stands in my kitchen, pulling her work phone out of her pocket and setting the other on the counter. “Something came up, but I got KWN to take her spot.”

“That all could’ve been a text message. Or a phone call.” I laugh, pulling my hair over my shoulder so it would stop dripping down my back. “Why are you here?”

“What, you don’t want me here? Julian around or something?”

My eyes can’t help but roll at the mention. Not because of him, but because of the serious beef between the two.

“No he’s at a conference in Philly— are you guys ever gonna figure out your problems, by the way?” I question with a giggle. I turn around, my back facing Kaylee as I walk into my living room allowing her to make herself at home.

It’s quiet for a moment, no words spoken between me or herself even though I’m waiting for a response. When I look up from my spot on the couch her eyes are small, squinting at me. Kaylee is chewing on her bottom lip as she approaches me, gears turning in her head.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you about the cameras last night.” She says. “You sure you didn’t mess with it?”

I try to avoid looking at her. I’m a good liar, but Kaylee has known me since I was 18, I can’t lie to her anymore. She’s suspicious, and though I don’t know of what it’s still incredibly nerve wracking.

“Yeah. Not at all.” Which technically isn’t a lie, I never touched that button, Paige did.

Kaylee nods, her head tilting back and forth like she’s weighing odds in her head. “And what’s his name is in Philly, yes?”

“Yes. Kaylee, what’s up with all the—”

The way she slouches on the couch next to me is exaggerated, a small thump when she cuts me off. “So then who gave you that hickey, Raye? Or all of them.”

In all honesty, I could’ve kept the lie going. I should’ve kept it going. I could act clueless, or tell her it was a bug bite, or that Julian left it a while ago. So many things I could’ve said but I chose to sit there quietly. The words piling on my tongue and dying there.

“Raye, I’m not gonna be mad. Just let me know now, so I can handle it if I need to.” She reassures me.

“No, no, you’re definitely gonna be mad.”

“Was it Paige?” I open my mouth to speak before kissing my teeth. When I make eye contact with her, she’s covering her mouth incredulously. “Raye, no.” She whines.

“I’m sorry!” I start apologizing, but in my heart I know I don’t regret anything.

“You’re gay?”

“I don’t think that’s the most important topic at hand.”

“Right, sorry.” She laughs, covering her mouth and brushing it off.

Even though I can feel her eyes burning holes in the side of my neck, I should feel embarrassed but all I can think about in my head is the manner in which the blonde left those marks on my neck.

I keep replaying that moment when I got home. Heavily buzzed and exhausted, standing in front of the mirror with my hand running across the tender skin. And the moment immediately following when Paige filled my phone with more teasing texts messages.

I remember even before then, when she was laying me down and feeling me up. Being so fucking vulgar in my ears as she told me what she wanted to do to me. So forward and nasty towards me.

The marks on my neck were a bright red last night that transformed into a deep purple when I woke up this morning. It was obvious that Paige was awfully proud of her work and how flustered she got me. After Kaylee walked in and we sat there on the couch, that smirk never seemed to leave her face.

“Those pictures. Were you guys—”

“No, we weren’t doing anything then. I promise.” I reassured. Kaylee isn’t even angry when she looks at me, but her eyes are disappointed; I’ve known her long enough to know that look. “I dunno, she just makes me feel different.”

I don’t know why I feel the need to explain myself. Kaylee simply wouldn’t understand why I chose to cheat on my pretty decent human being of a boyfriend, for a girl I’ve known for a month and a half. There really isn’t an explanation or excuse to be given. I made a mistake. A really bad one, but even then it doesn’t feel like it.

Paige doesn’t feel like a mistake, I couldn’t ever classify her as one.

The woman next to me straightens up, her elbows resting on her knees. She puts her head in her hands, thinking of what to say to me. “Different? You have feelings for her? Or are you guys just hooking up?”

“We haven’t slept together, K.”

She raises her head gingerly. “Wait so...” Kaylee begins. Her body turns to face me, suddenly I’m even more aware of the bruises on my neck. “You’re telling me, you and her have been kissing and hanging out or whatever. Telling me that you’re just friends, when you’re not. But you haven’t slept with her and might have feelings for her?”

“It’s complicated, Kaylee. I—”

“It’s messy, Raye, that’s what it is!” She runs her fingers through her short brunette hair. “You can’t be putting yourself in scandals like this. What if Julian finds out and runs to the blogs? Or if Paige outs your little affair to someone.”

I don’t hesitate to defend Paige with my first breath. “She wouldn’t do something like that.”

“You don’t know that! Y’think she can’t be pillow talking someone else right now?”

I haven’t even thought about the possibility of Paige doing all this with someone else. She isn’t like that, right? Rumors supporting that idea exist, sure, but that isn’t who she is.

“You’re still with Julian while messing with her. You think she isn’t messing with someone else either?” Kaylee practically digs the knife in deeper. “You’re thinking with your heart, not your head, Raye you know better than that.”

I do know better. I’ve always put my career first, but all it took was some icy blue eyes and blond hair to make me lose all my common sense.

I tear my eyes away from her, staring down at my hands. It feels like the weight of the world was sitting on my chest. “Fucking hell.” I mumble under my breath.

“You need to make a choice, babe. It can’t be both, you know that.”

I let out a loud groan, being forced to come to terms with all of this. “Yeah, I know.” I huff. I deserve this, I made this mess, let Paige get this close when I knew I shouldn’t have.

She was always there, everything I ever went through with Julian, Paige was the ear I needed. And because of that she weaved her way into my life and threaded a giant knot that I was left to untangle.

Then there’s Julian. Who even passed all the yelling is still the sweetheart I fell for in the first place. Lifting me up, and supporting me through it all. Yet, I still went out of my way to hurt him over and over again.

I’m fucking screwed.

—

marayemusic

liked by paigebueckers, julianbaker_, and 2,307 others

marayemusic music video coming soon 🕯️?

view all comments | 2 minutes ago

—

June 2025 — Malibu, California

“Two minutes is crazy, P.”

“Shut up. Quit being nosy.” I responded.

We played the Storm at home tonight, adding another much needed win to our season. As a result, Nika sits across from me at our table at Nobu, a much needed catch up with my good friend.

“I’m not! I wanted to talk to you about it anyway.” Nika hums. She’s smirking at me by the time I pocket my phone in my brown pants. “Those photos look like you got a lil girlfriend.”

“Definitely not a girlfriend. It’s complicated, Nik.” I answer, reaching for my passion fruit drink and taking a sip. “She got a boyfriend.”

Nika’s jaw drops as she looks at me. Maraye and Julian’s relationship is still surprisingly kept out of the public eye. I had to applaud her for it, I didn’t think she would be able to pull it off with how much Julian had been nagging her.

“Are you being serious.” Nika asks me. Our server comes back to the table with our food. I smile, muttering a thank you and taking my plate of Wagyu salad.

“Oh yeah. Deadass serious.”

“Paige.”

“I swear it’s not my fault.” I shake my head in defense. “She just— it’s literally impossible to stay away from her, bro.”

Nika doesn’t even try to stop the cackle that leaves her throat, ridiculing me and I can’t help but laugh with her. If I wasn’t in this position, I probably would’ve been laughing at myself too. Down bad over a girl who’s in a relationship, and allegedly straight. It’s truly comical.

“Oh my God, you’re pussy whipped!”

“Chill!” I scold, kicking her leg under the table in an attempt to quiet her down from yelling obscenities in this nice ass restaurant. “I haven’t even had sex with her, Nik. This ain’t what you think it is.”

She feeds a piece of sushi into her mouth. “You know what this reminds me of?” Nika asks, tapping her chopstick against the ceramic plate. “This reminds me of Nyla.”

I stop digging into my salad and roll my eyes at the mention of her name. The mention of the girl who I had been seeing for a large part of my college career. We’d slept together for a while, then I caught feelings and made it complicated. In all honesty you could blame Nyla for my lack of dating, but this wasn’t that.

Maraye wasn’t anything like Nyla whatsoever. I truly believed that.

“There’s been many other girls since Nyla, y’know that right?” I explain, my lips moving into a tight line.

“Ew, I don’t need to know about your slut activities, P.” She brushes me off.

“You asked!” I counter.

“My point is, you’re letting yourself get in too deep again.” She tells me and I turn my attention back to my food. “I’m not your mom. Explore, get to know people, I don’t care. But exploring with the straight girl, with a man is gonna get you hurt, P.”

My leg bounces soundly under the table. It’s a weird feeling, because in my heart I know Maraye is nothing like Nyla. But at the same time, we’re doing all that we’re doing while she goes back home to Julian.

“I can never figure her out.” I start, catching Nika slightly off guard. “I dunno if she likes me, or if she just wants sex, or if I’m jus’ a distraction for him.”

“You caught feelings for her, didn’t you.”

I hate that word. Feelings. I hate admitting them, I hate feeling them.

I think I do have feelings for Raye. She’s all I ever seem to be thinking about nowadays. I’m searching for her in everyone else. When someone laughs I’m thinking that it doesn’t sound like hers, or how someone’s perfume doesn’t smell as good as her’s does.

“I feel something for her, that’s for damn sure.” I shrug, mouth full of some fancy steak. “I needa clear my head, I’m never thinking straight when it comes to her.”

Nika stifles a giggle, covering her mouth with her palm.

“What?” I ask.

“Not thinking straight. Get it.”

I stare blankly before shaking my head. This was the person who I was trusting to give me advice. “Ha ha, dyke joke. Real funny Nik.”

“You said it, not me!” The giggles some more before finally pulling herself together. “All I’m saying, is that you don’t deserve to get hurt again. Take some time, figure it all out, and then be honest with her.”

I nod, taking it all in. Maraye is amazing in all ways possible, and I shamelessly want her to myself. But unfortunately that just isn’t the case. She isn’t my own, she belongs to someone else. I keep telling myself that I have to respect that, but it just becomes harder and harder every damn day.

I don’t know how to be second best. I’ve never been second best or allowed myself to be that. Whether it’s basketball or anything else in life, I’d rather be dead last than second best.

So to know that Julian is Maraye’s first choice, and I’m forced to be second is fucking unbearable.

Maybe I do need space. Figure out what it is I want from her and move forward from there. I don’t know how to do that though. I was fucking miserable that week where she wasn’t texting me, now I need space. Funny how that works.

“P?”

“Hmm?”

“You good?” Nika asks, spicy mayo at the corner of her lips.

I nod, feeling my mood slightly diminish just thinking about all this. “Yeah, fine. How’s recovery goin’?” I ask, changing the subject and moving the spotlight off of myself.

[homopopsie]

[Sif has been looking at you weird for a while...] "Isa." [CRAB!!!] "Uhh, Yeah Sif?" [He's looking straight at you, his eyes piercing you to your bones. He looks kinda creepy like this... Reminds you of all the times you found him reading late at night with his flashlight eye.] "You mind if we talk for a second? Alone." "UMM. YEAH SURE SIF." [CRAB CRAB CRAB CRAB CRABBBBBB] "Are you alright, Isa? I've noticed you doing some... things. You're acting more- There's really no other way to say it, Isa you've been acting dumb. Acting like you're just 'really lucky' whenever you find a key that we need. I know you, Isa. I know you aren't stupid. You're really smart actually, and I know something is up. So what is it? Can I help?" [CRAB CRAB CRAB WHY IS HE ASKING THIS NOW????] "What do you mean? I really have just been getting lucky?! I don't know how I would know where the keys are, I've never been here?!?" [You feel awful lying to them.] "Right. So you finding the switch to the Death Corridor trap instantly isn't something strange? You always trust me to handle traps, and yet you immediately put your hand out in front of me and stopped me before I could look around, and then hit the hidden switch. I know I only have one eye, but that was really well hidden." "But how would I know where it was beforehand? I just had a feeling."

"I don't know Isa, but I know that people with 'a feeling' still jump at massive falling rocks! And I know that people with 'a feeling' don't just nonchalantly strut into The King's chambers and talk before Odile gets a chance to talk to the man who froze her entire home. I know people with 'a feeling' don't grit their teeth hard enough to shatter. Don't act like nobody noticed that either, maybe the others didn't but I did." [!!!] "But, that'd be impossible, right? It's impossible to have been here before-" "Is it? Because you sure seemed to have a few theories! You knew to ask me about Wish Craft, to ask me to read those books! You knew that I could wish properly, you didn't have an inch of doubt on your face when you said how I taught you. You knew that a wish could have given The King the ability to harness Time Craft. Don't think I believed you when you said you didn't wish for anything. I know you're indecisive, but you aren't going to just ignore something I told you either. I know you wouldn't just listen to me tell you how to wish and not bother with it. You aren't callous. [If only he knew... If only he knew how callous you were!]

"I..." "Isa, I know you're not stupid. And you know I'm not stupid either. If I see something, the only thing I can do is observe for more. And all signs right now point to you. Did something happen? Is that... Is that why you're looping in time? Did-"

"Oh Siffrin... Why? Why did you have to figure it out now? Why couldn't you have figured it out before? Why couldn't you have never figured it out?" "Isa, I-" "Can't you see? It's too late now. Nobody can help, now. It's already too late. Because I was too much of a coward to try and ask for help. Because I was too much of a coward to tell anyone about the loops! Because I was too much of a coward to say anything! Because I was too much of a coward to tell you how I feel! Especially you, Sif. I'm too much of a coward to tell you how I feel about you. And I'll never get that chance. Because it's already too late. "..." [He's just staring at you with a scared expression. Or at least its probably scared. Whatever. It's too late anyway. You coward.]

"...So what is it? Can I help?" "Nope! Was that all?"

[Sif seems... sad, at your response.]

"Alright. I'll miss you Isa. Come visit me sometime on your travels, okay? It'd be a shame if I couldn't look at the stars another time with you."

Roleswap Sus event combos Everybody gets a turn being the suspect and the suspectee! Nobody enjoys the experience, though.

[syndrossi]

The rumors surrounding the twins at Winterfell are going to be INSANE. Because they were clearly raised as nobles, which means that 1) since such good treatment of bastards is more common in Dorne, their likely mother is the secretly living Ashara Dayne, who faked her death to avoid disgrace (I doubt a dornish woman would do that, but people tend to judge by themselves 2) Ned cheated not just with some poor peasant girl, he dishonored a lady 3) Ned after the Greyjoy rebellion found time to sail to Dorne, made children there and return home.

The situation with Jon can still be somehow justified: Ned had just lost his father and brother, he didn't know Catelyn well enough to know each other - he didn't hold back, but then he was ashamed and took responsibility as much as he could. But the twins? No excuse.

I feel really bad for Jon, Robb, and especially Catelyn right now.

The only thing that throws off the Ashara theory would be Raymar's silver-blond hair, since she was dark-haired and purple-eyed. HOWEVER, we do have Edric Dayne with his light hair and purplish eyes, so it's possible that light hair runs in the family? It's unclear in canon whether his hair comes from his father or his mother.

The weirder thing would be Ashara faking her death (quite funny that both this and the Rhaella explanation that Ned believes involve a woman faking her death so that she's alive to have the twins). Hopefully Ned and the twins discuss who their mother is under the "Ned's bastards" cover story.

Other possible mothers would be a commoner of Lys/Tyrosh/Pentos/etc origin who has the correct coloring but wouldn't explain their highborn manners, or a highborn woman from Dragonstone from one of the noble families there that still have Valyrian coloring.

But Dorne does make for a reasonable explanation for sure.

For the twins, it could be that their mother chose not to tell Ned as the reason he didn't claim them, but I don't think people will be giving him the benefit of the doubt at this moment in time...

[immodestly-marina]

Hey there!

I am a huge Sam girl and I was hoping you could write a nice fix for us wherein the reader gets badly hurt on a hunt but doesn't tell the boys and later passes out on Sam in the bunker. That's when they find out and both the boys panic especially Sam but take good care of her to get her to recovery. Reader recovers physically but mentally she's got a bit disturbed and gets a bad panic attack but Sam helps her through it as well and then it's all fluff in the end maybe? Pretty please! Also, I love your account!

A/n: This is literally so cute, I’ve actually thought about this before! There have been a few times where I’ve been very close to fainting, so I based this off of my own experiences. Thanks for the idea, I hope you enjoy! Also, for the sake of this imagine/os, Sam’s room is near the library because my dumbass forgot he sleeps in a whole separate hall lol.

Warnings: Fainting, mentions of slight head trauma, worried Sam, Sam daydreaming about you in his bed (If you really squint)

Funnily enough, Dean was the first to notice something was wrong. The way you slowly swayed side to side when standing, before bracing yourself on the countertop you stood by. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched you, nonetheless, he continued to shove another handful of frosted flakes into his mouth.

It wasn’t until Sam entered the room that you began to feel really spaced out. He laid a file and some newspaper clippings on the table in front of Dean, turning to you to go over new information about your current hunt. 

“I think we might be dealing with a Berserker,” He stated, opening the folder to further explain.

Dean set his box of cereal down, brushing the crumbs off his hands. “Fantastic, because I know exactly what that is.” he replied sarcastically, Sam rolled his eyes and held up his hand as if to say Hold on, I’m getting to that.

You stepped away from the counter, standing closer to Sam as he proceeded to explain. You felt nauseous, opting to stay silent as you felt talking would only make it worse. As he went on, you felt a head rush creep up on you, your vision going blurry before becoming completely clouded.

Dean watched you rock to the side trying to keep your balance, again.

You turned your head, pretending you were able to actually see Sam when you turned to look at him. He hadn’t yet clued in to the near blank expression on your face, not until he turned to face you as well.

Your face went white as his voice began to sound muffled, you could almost make out his faint, “Y’okay there, hun?”

You blinked, barely making out a response before stumbling forward and dropping in his arms, Sam quickly catching and holding your limp body upright against him with a small stumble.

“Woah, hey- hey!” Dean jumps up from his seat to grab something, anything, really. He spins and paces around the floor, realizing now that he’s up and about… he has no idea what the fuck he’s looking for. Sam turns his head, frantically looking at him before rolling his eyes. “Anything with salt or sugar, Dean.”

Dean speed walked around to find something to get your blood sugar up, while Sam carefully lifted you up and carried you to his bed. It’s the nearest one, he thought, might as well lie her down as quickly as possible, that’s all. He'd be lying to himself if he said he didn’t get some form of butterflies at the thought of you sleeping in his bed, but that’s beside the point.

He laid you down as gently as he could, trying not to fall on top of you out of nervousness in the process. He sighed, brushing his hair back from his face before shaking out his blanket and laying it over you.

You stirred a little bit before waking, slowly blinking your eyes open to find yourself in bed. Sam stepped into the room with a glass of water, setting it down on the small table beside the bed next to a bowl of dry frosted flakes and extreme cheddar Goldfish (courtesy of Dean Winchester). You rub your eyes with your knuckles, feeling your head pound until Sam flicks off the light.

“Better?” He sighs a little, you nod and wince.

“What happened today?” Sam’s voice was soft and quiet as he knelt down beside you, his hands resting on the edge of the bed. You bring your fingers to the bridge of your nose, pinching it lightly to relieve the pain in your head. Sam gave you a pained look before reaching his hand up to feel your forehead, which was a tad warmer than it normally should be.

“Whatever that… thing was, when it threw me, I must’ve hit my head harder then I thought.” You sigh, “I threw up when we got back, ‘been dizzy since we lost it in the woods.” He shakes his head, sighing.

“Why didn’t you say something?” He rested his hand on your knee, running his thumb back and forth ever so slightly. A blush creeped it’s way across your cheeks, his touch sending butterflies straight to your stomach. You hope he doesn’t notice.

You hastily shake your head, “I didn’t wanna worry you guys, or…” Your hands tangle back into your hair to massage your scalp a little. “I ‘dunno, bother you…?”

He chuckles at that. “How would that be a bother?” You scoff, rolling your eyes at yourself. “I ‘dunno, sometimes I just feel in the way, I guess.”

Sam tilts his head before shaking it softly, hand moving to take hold of yours. “You’re not in the way. Not at all.” He frowns a little at your way of thinking. He knows you don’t mean to feel so negative, but he feels bad knowing they may have made you feel that way.

“If we, or I, ever made you feel that way, I am so, so sorry.” You lazily nod, looking down.

He tilts his head down, moving lower to find your eyes. He grins when that pulls a giggle out of you, “I promise you, ‘kay?” He says through a chuckle. You nod your head with a little more enthusiasm, though still trying to avoid any further pain in your head.

“Thanks, Sammy…” You address him by his nickname for the first time, which was always said to be reserved for Dean, and Dean only. Instead of protesting, Sam simply brushes the hair from your eyes, smiling sweetly. “Of course, darlin’ ” he whispers before standing up.

“You wanna come out and laze in the library for a bit, or do you wanna sleep in here?” Sam secretly hoped you’d pick the latter, as he was just fine with you sleeping in his room, and maybe even sharing a bed with him for the night. Just in case you need help during the night, of course.

You hesitate to answer, your injury somehow giving you the confidence to ask: “Can I do both…?”

Sam quickly nods his head. “Yeah!” He clears his throat, “Yeah, that’s fine,” He watches the smirk appear on your face, you find his caring and somewhat nervous demenour sweet. You nod in response.

He helps you to stand, guiding you back to the library. You slump into the seat, all of you continuing your prior conversation (much more quietly, as it’s highly possible it’s a concussion you’re dealing with). Dean chucks a pair of sunglasses at you after you complain about the bright room for the third time, and you all sit around each other, cracking jokes the rest of the night when you should be focused on research. Sam is much more protective of you for the next little while during your recovery, and neither of them allow you to join them for this hunt until you feel better again.

You’ve never felt more cared for than you do right now, with them. You’ve never felt more at home.

[spicycoffeebean]

If you don't want to answer that's COMPLETELY fine and you can ignore this entirely, but if your comfort zone permits: I happened across your tag and am. curious how someone could use reddit to try and get someone to detransition. Like, do you mean she made a post about it to get people agreeing with her or??

Hi Anon! I'll be honest and say I'm glad somebody took notice enough to actually ask. Because I still refuse to believe it happened.

No! She did not make a Reddit post. She just sent me several posts from r/detrans to get me to detransition.

More below the cut! Idk how long this will be, but cw for transphobia and all around shitty/questionable behavior

For those who don't know (I can't track down the post, but I commented in tags) my own mother (60) has been very actively against my transition (ftm) since I began taking testosterone in November 2021(I have been openly trans and using he/him prns since 2018, so it's not like any of this was "new" information to her) On top of blatant misinformation, my mom tried to source REDDIT, the detransitioner's subreddit to prove that yes, people do detransition. Never once denied her that. My issue here is that no, she did not make a post, she was ~browsing~ the detransitioner subreddit r/detrans to push me to detransition. She was "sourcing" it (I wanna say she said in the same conversation that she doesn't trust sites that have LGBTQ+ flags despite the statistics being very real and very present. I'm an analytics/statistics student.)

I have a million issues with this, but very simply, she is using people's struggles and real trauma to fuel a transphobic agenda to get me to detransition (I was so much happier when I chose to be openly trans let alone when I actually started T last year.) If you actually read the subreddit, 99% of those stories are OP saying "Transitioning did not work for me" but not once do they denounce transitioning. They make it clear that their experiences with it did not work out.

“I talk to detransitioners all of the time” she said “Why don’t you talk to a real trans person?” I asked her “Because I know their story.” is what she said word for word Bitch I’m trans and I don’t know trans people’s stories. I just am trans?? I made it super easy for her. Talk to a doctor or a real trans person. She makes any excuse to NOT DO THIS. A cisgender doctor in California will tell you that you are out right wrong and doing more harm than any good you might see from it.

Less than 1% of people detransition, and the majority of those who detransition ARE STILL UNHAPPY. Even then a handful of people detransition because of society, family, or something simple as healthcare. People are denied healthcare because doctors don't want to provide basic care to a transgender person. (I live in the US where this practice would be illegal) My mother acts like I myself deny that people detransition while she literally won't acknowledge WHY people detransition at all. LGBT clinics are apparently shutting down in the UK, Norway, Sweden etc. Yeah cool cisgender people are losing healthcare too. But apparently that doesn't matter. My brother's(cis) bisexual and he could be denied care if he lived in such a place. I don't think she'd take kindly to that, knowing she was the most supportive when my brother came out well over 10 years ago.

I do not want my story or trauma to be used as fuel for a fire to hurt somebody else. I doubt any of these detransitioners would be happy knowing this either. Their stories are not for my mother to tell

anyway she sends me to college(to study analytics/statistics lol??) and insists I'm brainwashed and need an autism diagnosis(YES, SHE ASKED ME 3 TIMES TO GET ONE. NO I JUST HAVE ADHD. I ASKED DOCTORS FOR 5 YEARS ABT IT LOL)

She's just in denial she spent 1 million usd and 2 years of paperwork on a China doll because "[She] didn't want to try for another son" I was told this my entire childhood and it's haunting me almost every day now.

That's the super dumbed-down version of that Reddit comment. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE she put me through the last 14 months.

TLDR; She did not make a post to get people to agree with her, she was just taking people's stories and struggles to fuel a hate agenda detransitioners themselves do not agree with (she cannot read.)

[hauntingblue]

WATER SEVEN BABYYYYY

Look at robin reacting when luffy says he wont give her up.... 🥺🥺

This is a joke right now but its actually a one piece tenet aldjsisjka

Usopp aksbaksjakqk the foreshadow is foreshadowing... Also Robin being happy with the crew after the Aokiji incident... Fuck!!!!

Sanji thinking robin just vanished or flew away and suddenly usopp is soaring thru the skies... imagine

AAAAARGGGGHHHH YOU CAN SEE THE GEARS TURNING

Zoro talking to merry..... only while he is alone of course

Why are nami and sanji matching ajdhakjsk look at the citrus sisters

Carpenter: maybe it was the government

Gov agent: I don't think so, also don't say that they are everywhere

LUFFY SUPPORTS WOMEN'S WRONGS!!!

Don't scream att chopper like that!!! Look at him... So small....

Imu tease???? (No) (Also I've changed websites again bc the translation is kinda off , I can't find a good quality b&w spanish translation and the colors scare me (i want the real manga experience))

GET HIM ICEBURG!!!!

I truly forgor if this is just a lie about her wanting to find the rio poneglyphs or genuine because she wants to die and will do it for them... because in skypiea she says she is not interested in the weapons so maybe if the gov pardons her but considering what she wants is illegal then idk abdjabjs this is such a dumb thing to forget... like thats important girl where did it go (reading this after remembering and it's kinda funny... i will make any sacrifice to kill myself (and keep you safe)... she goes HARD)

Little paulie and mozu and kiwi.... omg hello (the SBS says the twins wanted to be shipwrights too omg)

Franky's backstory is small but it does so much for me like it is so central to the themes... boats and people...

DID SOMEBODY ORDER MORE TRAGIC BROTHERS?

The fact that franky needs to learn this lesson to pass it on to robin.... do you understand how big this is.... also Tom does exactly as he says and takes responsibility for franky and what he has done... because he has done nothing wrong AND THAT'S HIS SON and he just punched spandam bc he wanta him to feel the pain franky feels... Tom is such a man..... proud of having built eater 7 up with the sea train.... goes out with a boom.... should we all kill ourselves....

I am crying again................... franky my god.... and the fucking frog!!! And of course franky can't stop Tom's hope for his island... of course he can't.... he hasnt learnt the lesson yet but this guy isn't over yet!! He has a life of being a pervert cyborg ahead!!! Iceburg following Tom's footsteps but franky not being able to do that bc of his guilt....

This is one of the coolest things chopper has done btw...

NAMII 😭😭😭

Robin damning the world for her crew when all she has ever done is damn her companions for her own sake.... how big is this...

I can't take this...... it's always nami in these positions... it happens AGAIN in Zou with Sanji... there is no way

The love letter gag is too good like damn that's so funny

AND IT'S NAMI GOING THROUGH IT AGAIN!!!! SHE LOVES ROBIN SO MUCH!!!!

[mishkakagehishka]

Gripping your shoulders so hard my nails draw blood. I need a lookback scout that explores mika's past so fucking bad

[softquietsteadylove]

So, I've got a prompt for you.

I love movies and tv series and they are all so different from each other but also have so much things in common. And there is one thing i can picture our beloved men from Eternals in.

I think at least one time in their whole time on earth, Ajak forced her children to spend time together, in groups. So while Ajak is dragging her daughters around, the group of men are forced to hang out with each other. And a full men group, hanging out, means normal conversations drifting to uncomfortable and awkward conversations (for at least one or two individuals.) So I'd like to ask you to write Kingo, Phastos, Druig, Ikaris and Gilgamesh (god i love him, malewife) in such a situation, maybe sparring together, drinking alcohol but the most important: talking about (their) girls! (or boys, or whatever preference our individuals have in a partner)

"This fuckin' sucks."

No one spoke up to agree with Druig, but certainly no one argued with him, either.

Ajak was with the other half of the Eternals, having brought Sersi, Makkari, Thena and Sprite with her to the beautiful natural springs just outside the palace grounds. India was so mild in climate, and they were still getting used to the place after arriving short of a month ago.

She had claimed it was mother-daughter bonding time, and encouraged they do the same. Gil and Kingo had certainly had their reservations, while Ikaris, Druig and Phastos had quickly asserted that they would rather let the villagers burn them on the pyre.

And yet here they were.

Kingo took a sip of his...whatever it was. He winced a little at it, staring into the fire they'd built simply for something to do and occupy their time. He was the most antsy, the rest of them having devolved into silence naturally. Which wasn't really Kingo's style. "Is anyone going to say anything, or...?"

"Just did," Druig barked at him from an entirely separate log bench all to himself, "sucks."

"Oi," Ikaris snarled at him, which did nothing to improve the atmosphere. He leaned on his knees, also sitting on a separate log bench.

Phastos was occupying himself with whatever, using his powers for something or other, ignoring them all deliberately. Also on his own log.

Gil sighed, staring up at the moon from where he had given upon talking and simply laid down on the ground.

Kingo turned around to look at Gil, lying down behind him, "what's with you?"

The Strongest Eternal shrugged, absently pulling up a bite of mango for himself. "I wonder what Thena's thinking about right now."

A round of loud groans hit the air, startling the birds in the trees.

"What?" Gil sat up with a frown at his band of brothers.

"Thena-this, and Thena-that," Phastos supplied readily, rolling his eyes the hardest at it.

"Oh, come on," Gil huffed, but he looked over as Druig barked out a sharp laugh at him.

"Gil, you ever heard yer own thoughts, mate?" the mind reader snickered, poking at his own temple as he said it. "Thena-this and Thena-that is exactly what you're thinkin'--always!"

Gil sighed, dusting himself off and sitting himself on Kingo's log properly. "I don't see the problem."

"You wouldn't," Ikaris snorted, and this time Gil took a little more offense to it. "You've got all that muscle and not a single one in your brain."

Gil picked up a rock and flicked it at the Soaring Eternal. For any mortal, it would have gone clean through their head like a bullet, but Ikaris snarled as it bounced off his forehead like a nut shell. "Aren't you supposed to be getting married soon? I'd expect you to have thoughts of nothing but your future wife."

Ikaris also soured at having his fiancee brought up. "Some of us can think of more than one thing at a time."

"Okay," Phastos held a hand in both of their directions, as if trying to soothe savage beasts. "No one has to talk about anyone's wives, y'animals."

"Let 'em have it out, Phastos," Druig laughed, picking up a pear for himself and biting into it with a disgusting amount of gusto. Chunks and juice flew from his mouth as he pointed, "I wanna shee what 'appensh!"

"Close your damn mouth when you're eating!" Phastos barked at the 'youngest' of them present.

"All that'll happen is Ajak getting mad at us," Kingo pointed out liberally. He patted Gil's shoulder, knowing that he was the more easily reasoned with between him and Ikaris. "Look Gil, I support you, and your gross, sappy romanticism."

"Thanks," Gil sneered at him and his 'support'. He turned his glare in Druig's direction, "I don't bring up you following Kari around, now do I?"

"Oi," Druig grumbled.

Phastos shared a look with Kingo, both of them entirely capable of disparaging their siblings in similar and opposite ways. Phastos wasn't opposed to the vessel, but needed the right soul. Kingo was proudly uninterested in everyone equally.

Ikaris also looked up at the moon and sighed. "What're they even doing?"

Kingo looked at Druig, "what did mother-daughter bonding mean?"

Druig snarled up one side of his nose and lips. "You think I'm in everyone's heads all the fuckin' time?"

"Kinda."

"Well, m'not," Druig shrugged, tossing away his pear seeds and reaching for a fresh one. "That'd be exhausting."

"Whose thoughts are the loudest?"

"Yours."

"I don't believe you," Kingo countered just as quickly as Druig had. He got a look for it but shrugged. "Maybe sometimes, sure. But it can't always be me."

Druig chuckled, bobbing his head in Gil's direction, "who'd you think? It's Mister Thena over 'ere."

"What do you mean they're loud?" Gil crossed his arms in his defense.

"Just what it sounds like, Gil," Druig offered at least slightly more amiable than he had been before. "S'not like shoutin', I guess. But they're...they're loud and clear. All the time."

"Like wh-"

"Thena," all four other Eternals answered for him simultaneously. Gil pursed his lips, feeling his cheeks warm. But at least the others were smiling and laughing (even if it was at his expense).

Druig slapped his knee in glee. "It's always 'where's Thena?', or 'wonder what Thena's up to', or 'I miss Thena' from you."

"Okay, okay," Gil sighed. It wasn't as if he had a correction to make, or even a defense to it. Those certainly sounded like his thoughts.

"Her too."

"Huh?" Gil blinked, hearing a much softer follow up from Druig.

The solitary Eternal was looking down at his pear, toying with it in his hands as the truth of his words made him quieter. He offered Gil a smile. "She's the same way--if you somehow didn't know."

"Thena?" Gil blinked.

"Yeah, Thena?" Kingo repeated from next to him. "I mean, I don't doubt it about Gil, but I figured T was...harder to read."

Druig grinned, shaking his head. He became a little more sheepish, but shrugged. "Most'a the time, yeah. But when it's about Gil here...she's clear as a bell."

Kingo just nodded, taking another sip of (whatever). "Wouldn't have guessed."

"First time I caught it I thought I was fucked," Druig shook his head. "T doesn't take kindly t'me pokin' around, 'course. But this thought just--it shot out like an arrow."

"What was it?" Gil asked, unable to resist.

Druig looked at him, offering a much more genuine smile, "Gil."

He just stared, "yeah--I'm asking."

"No, that's it," Druig chuckled, shaking his head again and ruffling his hair for good measure. "Just Gil--she walks around with your name in 'er head like the breath in 'er lungs. I had to learn to block it out--s'like a clock, tick-tick-tickin' away in the background."

Gil looked like he could burst with joy.

Ikaris cleared his throat faintly, already ruddy cheeked when the others looked at him. "Does, uh, Sersi-"

"Don't know, haven't checked."

"Okay!" Phastos stood, clapping his hands together before Ikaris could pick up Druig and throw him clear across the Ganges. "Why don't I reach out to Ajak and see what they're up to?"

Druig rolled his eyes as a loud and clear I want to see Thena floated into his mind. Gil was like an unchecked faucet--sometimes dripping, sometimes on full blast, but always leaking in some way.

"That's a good idea," Ikaris growled as he floated back down to his log, fists still clenched and eyes still glowing.

"Well," Kingo sighed as he set down his nondescript beverage. "What an unproductive discussion."

"Speak for yourself," Gil chuckled, nudging his most jovial brother's arm.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

my friend asked me to put together all the ways oumen & apoptosis are connected as songs today & i love those two so naturally ive been on this since i woke up & after really going thru the lyrics Yet Again i think i FINALLY have my answer about tenshi's song right.

so basically we know the nami no ne no motif from aru sekai shoushitsu being present in a song means whoever in the song is still a "person"/still has their free will & gets to continue into the next loop. standard info. in all the other songs this is mixed into the instrumental, the only times its sung are in shoushitsu of course & in oumen mokushiroku. didnt think much of it when the song first came out bc like yeah thats just whats in series songs. but more & more across various songs, shoushitsu, apoptosis, kanon, oumen itself it talks about sacrifice & implies that sacrifice was a permanent death. oumen as a whole is her not wanting to accept that sacrifice role, she doesn't have a choice in it, but she doesnt want it either, (& apoptosis being it was originally that girl who was supposed to be the sacrifice but she pushed it off on someone else, therefore is the reason tenshi's song goes the way it does in the first place)

so then why does she have the motif if everything else including her herself say that she dies permanently.

i propose to u my newest theory.

the whole song is her wishing she had more time, not wanting to do it, she wants to live. so. since she's specifically singing it. im willing to bet its a last wish of hers. that somehow, someway, she still has enough free will to counteract the act of sacrifice, if she wishes hard enough, if she holds enough of her own desires, then maybe against everything, she'll get to live on into the next loop. basically, not a sign that she Does live, rather, just that she desperately WANTS to

[deathdxnces]

crying about haru and irelia in this not at all chilly afternoon...

[rotisseries]

swifties are so goddamn annoying lmao. "her music spans several genres!!" last I checked, country and pop are only two (2) genres, and the word choice of "several" implies more than two. someone here can't count and it isn't me