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#her going through loss and grief
iheartbookbran · 3 months
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There’s something about Rhaenyra’s epithet being the Black Queen and how the color black is often associated with mourning and grief. Because Rhaenyra’s story really starts with the death of her mother, and that’s a grief that she carries onto her adulthood. But it goes deeper than that, we’re told how many children Aemma lost during her marriage to Viserys, and Rhaenyra, though just a child herself at the time, had to experience the loss of her siblings alongside her mother, never being enough for her father because she wasn’t a son. Then she finally becomes the heir, but not in time to save her mother, and the grief never really leaves her. She loses Harwin (and at least in the book, Laena). She learns about the usurpation of her throne at the same time that she learns about the death of her father. She loses her only daughter.
She watches her sons leave her one by one until only one is left.
How could she ever be anything other than the Black Queen?
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bizlybebo · 1 month
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lightspeed taking over a lot of the responsibilities miss G usually took care of when she gets sick and gaining a new appreciation/perspective for all that miss G does and suddenly understanding why she has such a fear of commitment while miss G has so much time to think while she's away from the public eye/hero life and realizing how much lightspeed does mean to her hahaha. ounches a wall
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martyrbat · 1 year
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wrote a long thing about people not talking about rose's actions being spurred on originally by grief and how her grief was used to manipulate her until she turnt it to anger—the equivalent of a bandaid over a gaping wound, surviving but not living. but then realized. lol. who cares. (i do i care sooo much but. i am so shy. 👍)
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epitomees · 1 month
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BEAUTIFUL! GORGEOUS!! AMAZING!! FLAWLESS!! STUNNING!!
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orcelito · 2 months
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I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.
#speculation nation#negative/#sometimes theyre nice dreams where i have him back. except i still wake up sad.#sometimes theyre dreams where im trying to prevent what i know is going to come. but without fail i wake up. and he's already dead.#and then there are dreams like the one i just woke up from. where i know he's dead and im feeling the full force of grief once again#bawling and bawling in-dream. with enough force that it wakes me up.#and of course. i wake up sad from these too.#it makes me think about that passage i wrote for ITNL. well over a year ago. before the Year Of Death even began.#where i wrote about vash dreaming of wolfwood. with a similar sort of vibe to this.#i wrote that inspired by the death of my grandma. who i was close with and greatly troubled by her death.#even that had nothing on my dad though. no loss has ever felt this severe before.#it's been 5 months and sometimes i feel okay. but then i feel the ache deep in my chest again#and i know im never going to be fully free from this pain.#i want to go back to the person i was before i lost my dad. to before i lost my uncle.#i want to go back to early may of last year. where life seemed hopeful and i was minimally touched by death.#only 2 deaths from people close to me. 3 deaths if you count my childhood cat.#now im up to 5 deaths of people who were close to me. and 7 if you count my sweet baby boys.#can you believe that? 4 deaths ive grieved in the past year (and a bit). 2 more deaths of ppl i knew but wasnt close to.#and 2 of them were so genuinely life-altering that they changed me as a person. my uncle and then my dad.#i still dont know who i am now. i feel so lost. i look out at the piles of boxes of my dad's stuff and i feel so overwhelmed.#im supposed to go through them. i havent touched them in months. i dont know how to even begin.#and so i try my best to keep up with my cleaning and my schoolwork. it's about all that i can manage
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catsquishy · 1 year
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Thinking of you this Mother's Day, people who have lost their mothers. It can be incredibly difficult for the grieving process to have today shoved in your face like it so often is. It feels like there is no escape from the barrage of Mother's Day ads or other reminders that you no longer have your mom.
Know that you are allowed to feel every feeling today, no matter what it is. Be sad, be happy, be angry if you need to. You are not taking away from the people who celebrate today with their mothers.
Do what you need to do for yourself today. Take care of yourself and know that you are seen.
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archived-and-moving · 2 years
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See having specific abilities be a genetic trait is fine. But what if it was instead a reflection of the experiences that someone goes through in childhood when unlocking their ability? While scientifically speaking this probably doesn't make as much sense but on a basic level this would be such a cool basis for how someone develops abilities and make Sophie's genetic mutation case even more messed up.
Say what if a kid grows up in a prestigious nobility family, that just so happens to be like celebrities in the elvin world and they have to uphold this fake image to be what the public wants them to be. What if they have to uphold this idea of themselves in front of almost everyone, sometimes even within the space of their own home?
You know what I would value the most in people close to me?
Transparency and trust.
And BOOM what do you know a family of Vanishers and Telepaths, unintentionally made through not one but two generations of trauma, where not only the children right now (Biana, Fitz, and Alvar) but along with Alden and Della have a deep understanding of what it means to be honest and only put your faith into the people you love and hold the closest to you.
Okay so let's try another one.
What would happen if two children happen to have overbearing parents who expect things that they cannot give to their legacy. What if they are pushed and pushed and pushed and punished just for being born? Well, what if one of them tries to be exactly what they want? Stuffing away all of that judgement, that shame, and the anger of that shame down until it all bubbles up and the dam bursts?
Or hey what would happen if a kid instead chose to ignore what they were saying, and find comfort in something that was outcast from society like them? What would happen to the kid who lay in bed and make shadow puppets with his hands at night, dreaming of a world in which he could use the creatures from his imaginings and turn them on the monsters of the real world?
"Well I don't know Tobi what would they value?"
Accepting and embracing the flaws that come with a person!!!!
"How does that have to do with Hydrokinetics and Shades?
Because both of them are only seen as useful when they can offer someone else something they want, and are otherwise stigmatized and seen as unstable and dangerous!
(you could also draw conclusions as to stigmatized mental illnesses that people see as other, especially those which have a negative taboo around them and are thrown around as common words quite regularly. I won't dig into this further than here since i do not have experiences with such, but you can extend this and other factors into the examination of other abilities.)
I just think that it would be such a cool prospect that growing up, elvin abilities take shape through the deepest experiences and wants at the core of someone's personality, and reflecting that through manifestation!
That's also another reason to compare Sophie's situation to the elvin world, and kind of add how fucked up it is. They deprived her a right of developing her abilities naturally by planting her in a specific environment and setting her up to have specific abilities, experiences, and personality traits.
Anyway just kind of a concept i've been thinking on for a bit.
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autisticlaezel · 1 year
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I think I'm gonna switch Gemma's romance to Karlach because it's thematically so, so juicy for her
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lisbonsteresa · 2 years
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climbing the walls this is so excellent
#tm#like oh i could really spiral out about this#this man has spent 10 years consumed by grief and loss and pain and revenge...he didn't really have a life outside it#he's such a good and caring man but he was also ready to use pretty much anyone and anything to get him to red john; to finish his quest#and then he did; he got red john and he's on the other side of that quest but....now what#that grief and loss and pain don't go away; it's all still there with him and now what does he do with it#without being able to channel it into this quest how does he deal with it#and i don't think he has; even in his two years away i don't think he has (because i do think that's something that they would address#or at least i hope the show hasn't let me down yet)#how does he move forward when so much of him is still stuck in the past#and that's not even touching the lisbon of it all#because for all of those 10 years she's been there with him; she's his friend; his partner; his (maybe only??) confidant#she's maybe the only one he really trusts; who he'll actually listen to; who he'll be honest with#(even if he doesn't do it perfectly or even well a lot of the time....re: the above)#and he knows he has feelings for her; he knows she has feelings for him (because he's not an idiot lfjkda)#he knows she wants more with him and he knows he wants it too but how does he do that?#what does that look like how does he he get what they both want when he still doesn't know how to say what that is?#how does he take that risk with her and lose the one constant he's had through everything else?#and at the same time he knows this isn't fair to her; he doesn't want her putting her life on hold for him romantic or otherwise#(he already learned his lesson there; he already got slapped in the face with that realization in that tiny airplane seat)#so yeah he wants her to go out and have fun with this nice man who has none of his baggage#who is able to tell her he likes her and he wants to get to know her better#meanwhile he (the person who maybe knows her better than anyone) is left sitting alone because he doesn't know how to use his WORDS#his memory palace and all his mind tricks and powers of observation are failing him and he has no idea how to let her know what he wants#he doesn't even really know how to let HIMSELF know and so here he is alone on a couch that's an imitation of the one he had at cbi#with the memory of what the imitation of a relationship with lisbon might be like wrapped around his neck#while the possibility of something real walks out the door#(this is the scary possibility that was on the other end of his 'does not compute' reaction and i hate it but i LOVE it#this show is doing so much so so well)
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strxnged · 2 years
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i have 45 minutes before everything happens today feeling a Little overwhelmed but its ok its ok ill have fun it is allgood i Cant Move
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serpentmessmer · 7 days
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if marika elden ring has no defenders know that i am dead in the ground
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designsdefiance · 2 months
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wanting to do dawntrail msq again on m'seyli because I love her and I miss her vs absolutely noooooot being strong enough to do that second half again especially not on a character where it will be infinitely worse. fight to the death.
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bixels · 5 months
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
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Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
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eclipsecrowned · 1 year
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on the other hand though....
'i was going to give her my child (…) she said she'd raise it, teach it magic, take care of it.'
[a party tank must get a firm grasp on hel lest she explode bigger than netherese magic]
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pheonix-inside · 1 year
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Help I just saw a sad video about grief of my Twitter feed and now I'm crying I'm supposed to be getting ready for bed
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flowersforjude · 2 months
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𝐇𝐞̄𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐫𝐢̄
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | Jacaerys Velaryon x Sister!Reader
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | During your shared grief, you and Jace find solace in each other. 
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 3,880
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𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | Mature Content-Explicit Descriptions Of Sex | Twin incest, Emotional hurt/comfort, Grief, Smut: Piv, Oral(fem receiving), Multiple orgasms, Implied loss of virginity, One use of y/n.
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 | Something I’ve been thinking about since the first episode. Sad sex is something I didn’t know I’d be into, but I’m not mad about it? This obviously isn’t connected to my other Jace fic, Dangerous Disposition, I just used the same name for the reader’s dragon. 
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞² | Reposting because...I can.
masterlist | read on ao3
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Varaxs was restless. The closer you got to Dragonstone, the more ill-at-ease your mount grew. Your boy was a normally calm dragon, but something had him on edge. You were traveling home from The Vale, having secured Lady Arryn’s support for your mother. You would have expected him to be just as anxious as you were to be home after two weeks of treating with Jeyne Arryn.
You were gone longer than the week your mother had allotted, but you wanted to return only with the strongest alliance for her. You had sent word of when she could expect your arrival back, so she did not worry.
The waves crashed against the rocky edges of the island with relentless fury. Seemingly taking after your dragon’s nervous mood. You circled above the palace once, wanting to give him a chance to settle a bit before cooping him up in the pit.
Landing Varaxs on the grassland at the front of the palace, you took notice of how no one awaited you. A pit of dread dug its way into your stomach. Something was the matter.
Your footsteps upon the stairs did nothing to quiet the blood rushing through your ears. Rationality battled with your worry, trying to convince yourself that everything was as it should be.
But once you spotted your cousin Baela as the heavy doors swung open for you, your heart told you nothing short of a tragedy awaited you. The sound of your feet on stones echoed through the entry hall. Baela looked comforted to see you, but her eyes couldn’t hide their distress.
“Cousin,” you greeted with apprehension. “Where-”
“Come.” She simply said, taking your arm to link it with hers.
As she walked you through the halls, your hands shook with the weight of the unknown. “Who is it?” You urged her to tell you.
Baela said nothing. She just looked at you with sympathy before directing you to your mother’s rooms.
Jacaerys was the first person you saw as the doors opened.
“Jace!” You called out to him. He halted his nervous pacing, turning his eyes to you with a relieved gasp.
He met you on the threshold, hands shooting out to draw you to him. “Y/N.” He sighed into your hair as you clutched his shirtfront with trembling hands. His fingers dig into your waist, keeping you from pulling away.
“What has happened?” You whisper urgently into his shoulder.
You heard his breath hitch before he spoke. “Lucerys.”
He needed only to mutter your younger brother’s name for you to realize what was going on. Grief split your chest open as you wailed into the fabric of his shirt. Your lungs seized up in an attempt to draw air.
Another set of arms wrapped around you and Jace.
“My darlings.” Your mother said as she drew her two oldest children to her. No words about alliances were spoken. All thoughts on your shared grief and desperation for the comfort of each other. You stood there wounded around Jace, being held by both him and your mother for a century it felt like. Eventually, your limbs untangle from one another. Your tears stained your cheeks as your heart ached in a way you didn’t know was possible.
Lucerys was born just a year after you and Jace. With only that little time separating you, the three of you had been practically inseparable. Many nights were spent with each of you piled into one of your beds, refusing to sleep anywhere but together. Now you would have to learn to live with the space he left.
“You should go rest.” Your mother said gently, cradling your cheek. Her gaze flickered to Jace. “Both of you. I must attend to the Council before Daemon gets too far ahead of himself.”
“We’ve won The Vale, mother. Your Grace.” You corrected yourself.
She nodded proudly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before doing the same to Jace. You went to reach for your brother’s hand again to take your leave, but your mother stopped him for a moment.
“Watch over your sister.” She whispered to him. “We only have each other.”
He nodded, his face set with determination. He took your hand in his, your fingers linking together tightly. Drawing you closer to his side, as if even an inch of space between you was unthinkable, he began to lead you from the room.
You looked back at your mother one last time, seeing a small, pleased smile spread across her sorrowful expression.
Without a word spoken between you, you and Jace made the walk to his chambers. Your grip on his hand tightened as you crossed the doorway into his room. Your breath still hadn’t fully returned to you, and the same suffocating look mangled your twin’s handsome face.
“Jace.” You spoke with a broken voice before he pulled you to him once again. He took your face in his hands, his eyes roaming wildly over your features like he was attempting to discern if you were truly alright or not.
“I was afraid… I thought…” He couldn’t even give voice to his fears. That you had been slain as well. That he not only lost his brother but his sister too. The girl he loved.
You gripped at his shirt again, needing to touch some part of him with your own hands. “I cannot-” You were breathless, trying to regain control over your emotions. “I cannot breathe; cannot think, Jace.”
You were collapsing into yourself as he surged forward. His lips claimed yours in a way only someone who knew the very essence of your soul could. You whimpered as he slid his hands from your face to secure you against him. Wrapping around your waist like a coil.
You clung to any part of him. His chest, his shoulders, and finally resting your hands in the curls of his hair. His lips molded over yours in a messy display of your desperation to ease some of the hurt with something pleasurable.
Under all your overwhelming feelings, there was a strangeness to having Jace’s mouth on yours. You and your twin had shared a single kiss before. It was your last name day and you had found yourselves with only each other for company. In the darkness of the hall outside your chambers, he had kissed you. It was soft and quick. Nothing like your current hurried hunger.
It felt right in a way nothing else ever had, though. You didn’t know anything beyond that and frankly didn’t wish to.
Soon, the clothes separating you became too great of an annoyance. You let your hands fall from his curls to unfasten the constraints of his doublet. He caught on and went to work on the clasp of your riding gown. Bit by bit, your clothes fell away, bearing you to each other.
“My heart fell from my chest when I returned, and you had not.” Jace told you as he slid his hands up your sides. You sighed when he started to undo the laces of your shift. He pulled the fabric from your body pressing heavy kisses across your collarbone to your shoulder. He dropped to his knees to continue his path down your chest to your stomach.
Wanting to see him as well, you reached down to pull his shirt over his head. He helped you by yanking it off once you got it over his shoulders. He switched his focus from kissing your skin to the laces of your riding trousers. Pulling the strings undone before shuffling them down your legs. His eyes never leave yours. He stopped for a moment once they and your boots were off, taking you in bare before him. His gaze was drawn to the space between your legs. It was tinted with a pink blush. He just looked for a moment before standing in a rush. Kicking off his boots and then hurriedly working the laces of his pants open.
His lips devoured yours once more. Bringing your naked body flush with his. His cock rested against his stomach, rigid with want.
“I need you, Jace.” You pleaded into his mouth. Both knowing and not knowing what you were begging for. All you knew was the chasm of emptiness that grew larger every second. And the fact that Jace and only Jace could make you whole again.
Circling an arm snuggly about your waist, he picked you up. Lips still pressing into yours with a frantic need as he made his way over to the bed. Tipping you down and gently situating you atop the covers.
Opening your legs, you welcomed him as he settled between them. Hips flush with yours, and his hands going to thread through your hair. Pulling on the strands to tip your head back so he could gain access to your throat. He placed harsh, bruising kisses along the column of your neck, making you gasp when he grazed the flesh with his teeth.
You were dizzy with desire and desperation. “You can never abandon me. Swear, naejot issa. Kivio issa īlon jāhor va moriot sagon hēnkirī.” (Swear, to me. Promise me we will always be together.) His cock rocked against your bundle of nerves, making that abyss of hollowness grow larger with yearning.
“I swear it,” he vowed. “I will never part from you again.” He kissed a burning path down your body. From the pulse of your throat to the valley between your breasts to your stomach. And finally, nudging your legs further apart to continue his exploration to the sensitive skin on the inside of your thighs.
You hadn’t noticed he’d gotten off the bed until he pulled your legs to dangle from the edge. You looked down and met his eyes as he kneeled before you. A question waited on your lips, but before you could voice it, Jace lowered his head to press the lightest of kisses to your center.
Any and all inquiries dissipated from thought as his tongue flicked against your pearl. His movement was hesitant, as if testing the waters of the newly discovered thirst for each other. He didn’t stop, though. His tongue returned to rake across your cunt. Licking a wide stripe from your entrance to your clit.
A gasp tore from your mouth. Your reaction seemed to encourage him as he took a second taste of you. He then wrapped his mouth around your bud, swiping his tongue over it as he gently sucked at it.
You whine at his touch, fists clutching the sheets at first, but then deciding that’s not enough. Your fingers find themselves in his hair once again. He switched from using his tongue to taking your clit in his mouth every few seconds. Not giving you time to grow used to anything he was doing. A particularly harsh tug on your pearl had your legs closing around his head.
Moving from your clit, Jace turned his attention to your entrance. Sliding his tongue between your folds, gathering your arousal with groans sounding from him. Your back arched to move closer to his face.
“Jace!” A shameless moan slipped from your mouth. You couldn’t find it in yourself to be embarrassed of the sounds he was pulling from you. Every pull and tug of his mouth on your center filled that chasm inside of you just a little bit more.
His nose nudged against your clit as he dipped his tongue briefly inside your entrance. The sensation was quick, but it had a whimper slipping past your lips and your nails digging themselves into his scalp.
Jace felt the tiny pinpricks of your nails but made no indication of discomfort. No, instead, the pain aided in driving him farther away from the cliff he dangled from. Losing himself in you as opposed to losing himself to grief or anger. The breathy gasps and whines he took from you, he collected as glittering treasures. You were perfection in his eyes; you always had been. And now he was able to show you.
The light flickering of his tongue across your clit was driving you mad. The feeling was heavy, and it was accompanied by a pool of molten fire growing in the pit of your stomach. It spilled from you, only to be collected by Jace’s tongue. He couldn’t even think about letting a single drop go to waste. He hummed against your cunt as he drank from you, his grip on your thighs becoming impossibly tight. Still switching between lapping at your entrance, to teasing your clit with the lightest jolts of pleasure. You could do nothing but lay there and whine at his every movement. Your head turning from side to side restlessly, hips moving not but an inch in his hold.
The low groans sounding from him every time you tugged on his curls only fueled your desperation. There was a cord drawn taunt in your belly, begging to be snapped free. Each kiss and pull on your pearl wound the cord tighter and tighter.
You glanced down and caught his gaze from between your legs. His eyes were dark with lust and desire as he continued his sweet torture on your cunt. “Please, Jace. Just…oh gods.” You breathed out, noticing a satisfied glint in his dark eyes.
A smirk you’ve only seen on rare occasions made an appearance, your pleading appeasing him on some level. He pressed a worshiping kiss to your clit making you jerk away from his lips slightly. “Beg like that some more, and I’ll give you anything.” His voice was low and coaxing.
You wiggled your hips, growing more and more desperate for that cord to release. And Jace found no issue with teasing you with it. “Please.” You sighed, fingers digging farther in his curls, trying to move him closer to you. “I need it, Jace. Please.”
Who was he to deny such a saccharine request from you of all people? His sweet princess, who deserved nothing less than reverence.
The peak was just within your grasp. You just needed a little bit more.
A loud cry tore from your lips as Jace took your pearl back into his mouth. He scraped it with his teeth, whether on purpose or by accident, you did not know. But by the gods, it felt good. His lips pursed around it, suckling and running his tongue over the bundle of nerves at the same time.
There was an obsessive determination in his ministrations. That unquenchable hunger strengthened its hold on him. His tongue lapping over your clit then moving to tease your entrance. His teeth kept catching on your pearl. Your thighs closing around his head told you the release was coming upon you quickly.
“Jacaerys,” you whispered breathlessly. He buried his face into your cunt, impossibly closer. The fire spilled over, causing high-pitched whines to leave your lips. As roll after roll of pleasure went through you, he continued to drink you in. Helping the bliss to stretch out longer. It lingered for a few more moments, making your thighs twitch with Jace’s head still between them.
You looked down with hazy eyes, but you could still make out the sheen of your arousal upon his face. The almost drunk look in his eyes as he rested his cheek against your thigh.
He held your gaze for a time before standing. You moved to lay back on the pillows as he rounded to the side of the bed to join you.
Now that the blazing pleasure had subsided almost completely, that emptiness returned with vengeance. Jace had laid beside you, making no movement to continue onto other things. He only pulled the blankets up to cover you. But you couldn’t stop the ache from spreading.
Grief dug its claws into your heart again. Piercing you until the pain was unbearable. You didn’t allow yourself time to think before you pushed the blankets from you, reaching out for Jace.
You pulled him down for a kiss, your arms going around his neck. He returned your affection. His lips slotted over yours and his hands coming to rest on your waist tugging you to him. The second his mouth left yours to trail down your neck, a small sob broke free.
Jace’s head shot up at the sound, eyes filling with worry. “What is it?” He asked.
You shook your head, not able to give words to the grief.
Understanding replaced the concern as Jace nodded once. “I feel it too,” he confessed. “What can I do to help?”
What can I do to help?
It brought more tears to your eyes to hear Jace’s selflessness. No thought for his own sadness; just wanting to rid you of yours.
You kissed him again, slowly this time. “Just make it go away.” You pleaded, angling your hips to press against his.
He hitched one of your legs around his hips, aligning your bodies perfectly together. Your hands danced up his arms before settling around his shoulders. Your mouths molded together, igniting the hearth of your desire for each other.
The ridgid hardness of his cock pressed into you. His breathing quickened each time you shifted your hips, trying to find some kind of friction. Soft groans slipped from his mouth to yours. He braced his weight on his forearms by your head before guiding the tip of his length just slightly into your cunt.
He looked up at you from where your bodies were joining. A question he didn’t need to voice for you to hear in his eyes. Nodding your head to let him know it was alright, that you were alright, he pressed forward. He was sure to be careful with you; your desperation not enough reason to risk hurting you.
His cock pressed deeper and deeper into you, the feeling of being split apart burning through you. But there was an underlying pleasure that came with the stretch.
A sharp exhale escaped both of you as he finally seated himself fully inside you. His arms trembled with the work of holding himself still. The blissful feeling he had was overwhelming, but he had to think of you.
Something tore inside you as he shifted, drawing out and then back in slightly. The burn was still there, but the feeling of him filling you was all you could think about. Every corner and crevice of your being was nothing but Jace. You realized that even if tragedy had not driven you both to this, you would have found your way to it eventually. There wasn’t a world where you didn’t belong to him, and he didn’t belong to you.
After checking to be sure you were ready, he pulled back slowly and began to move in a languid rhythm. You sighed out his name as you wrapped your other leg around his waist. Hands in his hair tugged at the strands, drawing a hissed curse he spoke into the crook of your neck. Your lower back arched to meet his sluggish thrusts.
Your name fell from his mouth like a needy prayer, sending a shiver through you. Your body reacts to the feel of him by erupting goosebumps down your spine.
He pressed kisses to your throat, nipping at the skin here and there. He reached a place where your shoulder and neck met, drawing the skin between his teeth. You gasped a little as he settled there.
“Jace!” You keened as he picked up his pace. The sounds of your coupling bringing a blush to your cheeks. You let one hand fall from his hair to search for his. He tangled your fingers together before flattening your joined hands beside your head and pressing them into the mattress.
Your core clenched around him suddenly, causing his breath to be stolen momentarily. He moaned lowly, thrusting into you harder, hitting against some spot deep within you that had you crying out and clenching around him again.
He looked up from your neck, locking his eyes with yours. “Ao issi ñuhon. Ao’ve va moriot issare ñuhon, pār īlon drew īlva ēlī breaths hēnkirī.” (You are mine. You’ve always been mine, since we drew our first breaths together.)
He quickened his pace more, driving into you in a way that would surely leave you sore. But you didn’t dare tell him to slow down. Chasing his strokes, you rolled your hips up to meet his, sighing as he squeezed your hand with his.
Jace had always thought you to be beautiful, but there was something otherworldly about seeing you like this. Writhing and crying out beneath him. Breathless as you greedily took the pleasure he gave you. He meant what he had said too; you were his. You came into the world together; it was only right that you remained linked throughout your lives. When he reached his hand up to withdraw yours from his hair to press it into the mattress, he imagined a ring resting on your fourth finger. The thought had him shuddering as he steadily thrusted into you.
Time lost all meaning, and neither of you had any way of knowing how much had passed. But when Jace’s pace started to falter, you knew he was close. You could tell he was trying to compose himself, maintain what control he had left. But you wanted to see him unravel. He tensed his jaw, breathing harshly through his nose. His brows were drawn together, and he had little will to put up a fight when you pulled him down for a kiss.
“Hēnkirī.” (Together.) You whispered into his mouth. “I want to do it together.”
He nodded, trailing a hand down to rub at your clit. A few more moments of Jace rocking into you, combined with his fingers on you, drove you to the end. He followed with a broken moan muffled into your neck. You felt his cock throbbing within you, thrusting gently once, twice, three times before he pulled out.
You panted heavily, his breaths ghosting across your heated skin. You threaded your fingers through his hair as you both took some time to come down from your shared high.
A giggle came from you when he began to softly kiss on your collarbone. You could feel him smile a little as he pressed his lips to you a few more times before raising his head to look at you.
His expression was one of affection, but there was a question swimming in his gaze as well. “Do you feel better?” He asked, not really knowing how to broach the subject just yet.
“I don’t want to talk about it yet.” You answered, not wanting to risk dispelling this illusive moment. Simply wishing to lay here with Jace for as long as you could and not think about anything. Because you were sure that as soon as you left this room, reality would come rushing back in.
Jace nodded in understanding before resting his head on your chest. “It can wait until tomorrow,” he agreed.
You wish you could stop time completely or turn it back. But you couldn’t, and all you could do was cling to Jace’s comfort until the pain came knocking again.
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I debated heavily on posting this or not, but I don't have anything else ready to post so enjoy!
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