#feeling insane thinking about her this is incoherent goodnight <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[martyrbat]

wrote a long thing about people not talking about rose's actions being spurred on originally by grief and how her grief was used to manipulate her until she turnt it to anger—the equivalent of a bandaid over a gaping wound, surviving but not living. but then realized. lol. who cares. (i do i care sooo much but. i am so shy. 👍)

[skoulsons]

Alright, you know what time it is. Scrambled, incoherent episode 4 thoughts

This episode took me three hours to watch and it was 45 minutes. is that any indication how insane i am.

CANT SKIP OPENING CREDITS <3

oooh okay so she’s practicing a bit. Hopefully she doesn’t actually fire

she looks so nervous

NOT THE PEW PEWS

THE EYE SWITCHING 😭 I’ve done that at the range before

These sets always look so good

“Back in the day, we’d drive 10-12 hours on one tank” “So where’d you go?” “Pretty much nowhere” Hmmm probably taking Sarah to all those museums in Texas :(

HER SMILE WHILE HE EXPLAINS THE SIPHON

“You don’t know :)” “I know it works 😑”

NO WANDERING. what a dad move. Dad count #1

NO NOT THE PUN BOOK 😭😭

HE LOOKS SO LOST

“Feel free to wait in the truck” he’s so annoyed 😭 mmm dad count #2

“I want to see a tank” no baby you do not not in these times

THE TAPE 🥹

her squeezing up next to him 🕳👩‍🦯 READY TO CRY MY FRIENDS

“This is actually before my time” “right” dad count #3

AW HELL YEAH

I WAS SO UPSET THEY WOULD REMOVE THIS SCENE

“Oh, no no no. Put that back that’s not for kids. Ellie. Please get rid of it” dad count #4

The shoulder slap 💀

ALONE AND FORSAKEN BY FATE AND BY MAN OH LORD IF YOU HEAR ME PLEASE HOLD MY HAND

whoa there still being cattle is really surprising to me?? I feel like they’d be gone by now

oh wow look at all the military stuff

that shot with the train falling off the bridge is beautiful

oh hell yeah is it camping time

YEAHH

their tiny cookware

IS THAT CHEF BOYARDEE RAVIOLI

Him asking her to slow down. Dad count #5

“I actually agree” chef boyardee stuff was my favorite food as a kid. Their beefaroni was all I ate

“So can we start a fire? I’m freezing.” “Now why am I gonna tell you ‘no’?” Dad count #6

“Oh, they’ll have way more in mind than that (robbing)” still insinuating he was a hunter for a time

does she tell him goodnight. please.

THE ONE THAT SMELLS GOOD IS FRANKS 😭

not the pun book 😭

he looks like he will not sleep :/ (what a great parallel to end of episode them)

“…Joel?”

“Joel!” “What?” “Can I ask you a serious question?” “Yeah.” *proceeds to tell a pun*

DOES HE LAUGH. I saw a spoiler saying he laughs.

L IT TLE MAN SMILED LOOK AT HIS SMILE (how naive I was to think this was the laugh)

Dad count #7

“No one’s gonna find us?” “No one’s gonna find us.” REASSURANCES mmm dad count #8

does he ever sleep :/ hes gonna stay up to keep watch isn’t he

yup

coffee <3

“You don’t like coffee?” Joel please try to sound more offended

the falling backwards she does 😭

“Smells like burnt shit” *proceeds to slurp it just to annoy her* dad count #9 for sure

“Shi-enne” “Cheyenne” “Chey- really?”

Her questions about Tommy 😭

Every scene I get of them now just reminds me of their winter scene and my brain melts a little more

I am thirteen minutes in and it’s been?? 45 minutes of watching??

OOH WERE GETTING TO KNOW??

okay okay so Tommy convinced Joel to join a group that moved to Boston. So that’s how he got there, good to know. “Mostly to keep an eye on him. Keep him alive” we love big brothers. “That’s where we meet Tess.” yo so Tommy knows Tess that’s cool. “And that whole crew, we uh….well for what it was, it worked. Then Tommy meets Marlene. She talks him in to joining the ‘fireflies’. Same mistake he made when he was 18. Wants to save the world…Fireflies all delusional.” mmm thank you for giving me another scene to dissect and think about for the next week. Joel “let’s keep our histories to ourselves” Miller

and he looks like he’s getting emotional too :/

IM NOT FAMILY NOPE YOURE CARGO AND I MADE A PROMISE TO TESS. AND SHE WAS LIKE FAMILY!! SHUT UP. man is still holding on so strong to this. LET YOURSELF CARE

“I’m not even tired” 🫶🏻

YES AND THEY CHANGED HIS ARM POSITION TOO. i love details

Oh here we go

oh okay no not quite hunters yet

the proximity in the truck im gonna throw up

“How far back do we have to go to get around this?” *exasperated sigh* dad count #10

HUNTERS?

oh man those bodies

oh now here we go

Damn no he ain’t even hurt but that’s fine

Jay you were pretty damn close

“Are you okay? You’re not hurt? Nothing?” DAD COUNT #11

SHES SO CLOSE TO HIM WKFHEIDGE

“They’re not gonna hit you. Look at me. They’re not gonna hit you” dad count #12 :)

YEAH what a good shot

I THOUGHT TJAYVWAS JOEL OH

YUP THERES A THIRD GUY I KNEW

so then Ellie shoots this guy n saves Joel right

the hitting him in the face with the butt of his gun 🤩

NOT THE STRUGGLING LEGS?(?;?

okay okay she did it we’re good

The absolute silence from joel and yet it tells so much

“Get back behind the wall” while i stab this guy so you don’t have to see so I can try my best to preserve your innocence despite you just shooting a man and how angry I am because I am a father and you don’t deserve to live in a world like this and experience these things. Dad count #13?

her wiping her tears away quickly 💀 me a little too often

Is he about to give his tongue lashing to her

HE SLAMMED THE DOOR AND I JUST PAUSED HES GONNA BE SO PISSED?? im scared to continue I need to calm down a sec

okay. calm.

panicked for nothing he was just rushing over to move the desk back. anyway

she’s trying to keep him from talking about it 😭

“Stay close.” throwback to Tess telling Ellie that in ep1. Anyway dad count #14

The protective hand reach out™

oh shoot it’s the woman

Kathleen

okay so who is Henry then (HI IM DUMB AS FUCK TOTALLY BLANKED ON HENRY. ABSOLUTELY 100% BLANKED. post episode me is much clearer on all this so ignore how dumb I am)

So she’s got a personal vendetta that went too far or something?

“I delivered you. I held you in my hands. I never told them anything about your brother.” Hmmm interesting

So Kathleen’s brother was breaten to death for some reason. This man, who I guess knows both of them, never told ‘them’ (fireflies? Hunters?) about her brother, but a man named Henry did. So Kathleen is trying to get info from this guy about Henry I guess. Whoever Henry is. Or whoever her brother is. I don’t know I’m confused

“I’m your doctor” is this man gonna be THE doctor? Maybe not? Or does she have something wrong that she needs a doctor for so she can’t lose him?

JEFFREY PIERCE. man he didn’t change his voice at all

DAMN she just shot him

wow that is. a lot of trucks.

GUN SAFETY LESSON?

his head in his hands 😭 poor man needs a break

ARE YOU OKAY??;!;? HELLO??;!;? nothing could’ve prepped me for that

“Im alright.” Man, when was the last time he was genuinely asked that :( he looks like he hasn’t been asked that in ten years

NOT HIS VOICE BEING SHAKY “are you.. alright?” FUCK OFF. you think he’s hesitant to say it because he don’t actually want to care if she is because he’s still trying to not get attached. Anyway dad count #15

i fucking LOVE these two DAMN. Definitely gonna have this scene on repeat for the next week

Alright get the unspoken stuff out of the way please don’t sit in the awkward silence

“Thing is, is…I didn’t hear that guy comin’. You shouldn’t have had to have…y’now?” “Well, you’re glad I did, right?” “Well, you’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to…It’s not like you killed him, but, shooting a…i know what it’s like. First time that you uh, hurt someone like that. If you uh…im not good at this.” “Yeah, you really aren’t.” “I mean it was my fault! You shouldn’t have had to. AND IM SORRY” HODHS LEAVE ME ALONE JUST FUCKING STOMP MY HEAD INTO THR CURB PLEASE.

her wiping her face :(

“It wasn’t my first time” :(

GUN SAFETY SCENE GUN SAFETY SCENE. Dad count #16 for this whole sequence

her smile :)

him moving closer to her :)

a very good grip

this is so domestic. how does anyone sit and watch this and not lose their mind.

PROXIMITY IS MY BEST FRIEND <3

HANDS HANDS HANDS. we know how much I love hands. GOD I LOVE HANDS

HES SO GENTLE. I deserve to be in a mental asylum please I can’t even contain any thought to even write them out

him trying to tug it out of her hands 😭 WHY COULDNT THE CAMERA PAN TO HIM I KNOW HE WAS SMILING

“Okay?” And she’s just :D

an error occurred this is not the time

He literally did not have to keep his hands on hers for that long. but I am not one to complain

SHE LOOKS SO EXCITED WATCHING HIM 😭

“Nuh uh, you put it in your pack. You’ll shoot your damn ass off.” He knows she’s trigger happy. Dad count #17? 😭

THE GRUNT AS HES GETTING UP

“We’ll get through this.” “I know.” 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 REASSAURANCES 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Jeffrey looks beautiful I will say

OH NO HENRY AND SAM??

oh it’s gotta be I remember that one trailer shot showing Sam around some drawings

OH? Oh they know who they are? Wow

“Henry won’t let Sam starve” oh man I’m not excited at all for next episode

BLOATER?? BLAOTERv??!, BLOATER?5?3$44

ITSLFNRLFHFKD A BOOST UP

A JEOLAND ELLIE BOST UP YOURE KIDDING

game mechanics in live action makes me happy

JOEL AND ELLIE BOOST UP!!!!

“You’re just gonna put your foot here.” “Okay.” “One, two…” “oh shit, oh shit.” “Straighten up, I gotcha.”🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 living my best life right now. What is that dad count #18

“I gotcha” being Joel’s thing. I cant wait to hear him say it more

“Where would you be without me, huh?” “By now, Wyoming.” “Oh yeah, walked into that one.”

“We’re going up 42 flights?” “45. But no, not all the way.” “How far?” “As far as I can make it.” i love how old he is

THE SCORE <3

Them slowing down 😭

OH SHIT I DIDNT THINK WED GET THE CONVO

“Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt? How’d you know it was an ambush?” “I been on both sides.” “It was a long time ago. We did what we needed to survive.” “You and Tess?” “And the people we were with. My brother, too.” “Did you kill innocent people?” :(

That “c’mon” sounds so much like the one in tlou2 in that flashback where they find those two Jackson kids and they have that little argument

HIM SLIDING DOWN THE WALL TO SIT 😭

kicking his feet 😭 “c’mon” “gimme a minute” “get up, you lazy ass” “‘lazy ass’. I’m 56 years old you little shit” HRIFHEKD I LOVE THEM SONMUCH

“Joel? Joel? Joel?!” “What? 😡”

“Oh I get it. Crunch crunch crunch”

“Well, goodnight :)”

“Yeah, goodnight -_-“

AW

“Hey. When we were talking about hurtin’ people…what did you mean it wasn’t your first time?” “I don’t want to talk about it.” Oh how the turn tables.

HIM TURNING OVER TO TALK TO HER

“You don’t have to. I’m just saying…it isn’t fair. Your age. Having to deal with all of this…” “So it gets easier when you get older?” “No, not really. But still.”

“The reason I asked if you’d hear the glass or not is cause I’ve noticed you don’t hear too well from your right side. Is it cause you were shot there?” “Probably more from shooting. So if you want to keep your hearing you better stick to that knife.”

“Joel?” “Hm?” This is perhaps the biggest dad thing he’s done all episode.

HES TRYINF SO HARD TO FIGHT THE SMILE. NOT HIM AXTUALLT FUCKING LAUGHING. HE FUCKING LAUGHED. HE LAUHJED.

“That is so goddamn stupid.” “You laughed, motherfucker!” “I didn’t laugh.” “Yes, you did!” “Jeez, I’m losing it.”

NOT THEM GIGGLING TOHEYEHR. I’m getting chills what the fuck. they’re giggling together.

“Go to sleep.” “You go to sleep!”

I have. the biggest grin on my face.

I know he slept soundly that night. I KNOW he had the best sleep he’s had in a while. and it’s all bc he went to her giggling with this girl he very obviously does not care about and has no fatherly affection towards whatsoever

HENRYBAND SAM <3 cant wait for next episode heartbreak

[bauslut]

as you are | iv.

word count: 4.880k

warnings: drinking, intoxication, cursing, references to ptsd, nudity, nc-17, sexual innuendos, flirting, cuddling, fluff

a/n: this is the fourth chapter of my aaron hotchner fic! as always, if you would like to be added to the taglist, please let me know! i always appreciate the kind words and feedback, more than you guys know :’) <3

also, a huge shout-out to @sapphicstars​ for helping me with some dialogue, listening to my rambles, n our mutual thirst over thomas gibson. ily <3

| ii. | iii. |

(i do not own this gif)

“you coming with us?”

a brunette blinks, startled, “oh, um, no, i think i’ll pass.”

jj, prentiss, and garcia are on their way out, coats slung over their shoulders, bags in hand. rowan remained perched at her desk, gathering the rest of her things. it was well past nine o’clock, the lights of the office dimmed, everyone stating their goodbyes.

“you sure?” jj arches a brow, “it’s karaoke night. spence is coming too. it would be fun!”

“i’m fine,” the brunette bore a weary smile, “i have a bit of a headache so i would be a bit of a downer. but have fun guys.”

“whatever you say,” prentiss whistled, “you could always hotch what he’s doing after he’s finished with that endless stack of paperwork.”

“you think that man has a social life outside of his office?” rowan snorted, letting out a chuckle, “it’s best to leave him be. he seems irritated tonight anyways.”

“maybe you could go perk him up a bit huh?” garcia teased, a bubbly giggle echoing through the office, “you know he probably likes--”

“that’s enough,” rowan’s tone was firm, “have fun guys, i mean it.”

“you’re missing out,” prentiss sang over her shoulder, shooting rowan a wink, “goodnight rivers! we’ll miss you!”

waving a meager goodbye, rowan sucked in a sharp breath, lips falling to a frown. slowly, her eyes traveled towards his office, beams of light cascaded from the blinds onto the carpet. through the slits, she could pick out his frame, how he was hunched over, knuckle pressed to his temple, brow furrowed with intense focus.

rising from her seat, she bit her lip, forcing herself to cease the staring. all around her was nothing but darkness and empty seats, a chill running through her body, an unsettling feeling creeping in. how could aaron hotchner always be the first one in, but always the last to leave? did the silence not get to him? was he not fazed? why was he even still hard at work, busting his ass?

all of the team was gone. the unsub was apprehended. the only thing left was the void of an office. the only noise the hum of the unit, the occasional chirp of a bird or honk of a car from outside. the only person left was her, but she was seconds away from leaving.

and what was he going to do the moment he stepped into his apartment? pour himself a glass of scotch? call his son? go to bed? would he drink to forget? drink to drown out the horrid images?

whatever the answer was, rowan would never know.

she was on the elevator before she even mustered up the courage to ask him what he was doing after all that paperwork.

elbows deep in paperwork, aaron hotchner let out an exasperated sigh. it was one thing after another. first it was the receipts for the travel expenses, where there was a discrepancy somewhere in the budget. then, it was the lawyers of a murderer from years ago, claiming that their defendant wished to plead not guilty under the reasoning of insanity. why they were contacting the behavioral analysis unit? aaron had no clue. it was not a matter of his concern.

he longed to get up from his desk, trudge towards the door, and not come back till morning. but he couldn’t. not now. he was almost finished. if he finished this tonight, then he wouldn’t have to stay late tomorrow night. he could go home and enjoy a nice drink. something to take the edge off.

leaning back, his shoulders slumped, fingers rubbing circles into his temple, just above his brow. any moment now, he would be receiving a call from haley, asking where he was. of course, jack would be waiting for him, eager for just a few minutes with dad before bedtime.

the second his phone chirped, buzzing, his hand flew to the device, bringing it to his ear, “hotchner.”

“um, hi. i didn’t think you’d pick up.”

“rowan?” his lips parted, “i don’t recall giving you my number.”

a tiny hiccup flooded his ear, “i had garcia give it to me. what are you doing right now?”

her words were slurred, the question dragging out for a moment longer than needed, her breathy giggle erupting afterwards. aaron’s eyes squeezed shut, “rowan, are you drunk right now?”

“it appears i might be a little intoxicated. well, maybe a lot. but, i don’t think i can drive, like at all. you know what they sayyyyy! don’t drink and drive! driver sober or get pulled over!”

his jaw clenched, “please tell me you don’t want me to come get you.”

“m-maybe i do,” she slurred, “maybe i want to see you, aaron.”

aaron. his heart fluttered, softening just for a second.

“where are you? if i remember, you live forty minutes away.”

there was a pause, the flurry of breaths against the speaker, “i think i’m at a park. i’m sitting on top of my car so i can look at the stars.”

“listen to me,” aaron sprang to his feet, “don’t you move a muscle, rowan. i’m going to come get you and just take you to my place for the night. we have a stop to make first, though.”

“what’s this stop? is it an errand?”

“we-- i have to pick up jack,” he was moving at a rapid pace, shoving papers into his briefcase, frantically searching for his coat, “i have to get jack for the night. i guess haley is going on a date.”

“oooooooohhhh,” her laugh was contagious, ringing like bells, “are you mad?”

“i’m not upset,” using his shoulder, he kept the phone against his ear as he threw on his coat, “rowan, you never answered my question. where are you?”

her response was instant, “i am parked at the park off north and second. how funny is that? i’m parked at a park.”

“listen to me,” aaron was now approaching the elevator, “you’re going to stay on the phone with me until i get into my car, okay? i don’t want anything happening to you.”

“okay, okay,” there was a yawn on the other end, “i’ll be awaiting you for, my knight in shining armor.”

“i’ll be there in ten minutes,” no matter how much he resisted, a blush still spread through his cheeks, “stay with me on the line though, i might need help with directions.”

“okay,” she chirped, “i’m right here. sitting so patiently.”

within a matter of minutes, aaron was pulling up to a mint green ford 500, a shadow poised on the roof. turning off the engine, he threw open the door, his throat tightening as he saw her.

her legs were dangling from the passenger side, eyes fixated on the stars, a dumb-founded grin plastered across her features, hair down, strands flowing in the breeze. she was still in the clothes from earlier: a pair of black skinny jeans, black v-neck sweater with white lines around the neckline and cuffs of the sleeves. the thick heels of her docs thudded gently against the windows as she kicked her feat rhythmically.

even in the dim light, he noticed the rose tint painting her cheeks, the way the reflection of the stars glossed over in her stare.

god, she was so beautiful, her skin glowing softly in the moonlight.

“hey,” he cleared his throat, concern creeping in as shards of glass glittered on the pavement below, “d-did you drink an entire bottle?”

“i like to drink my liquor like water,” rowan shrugged, her eyes brightening as they fell on aaron, “i’m so glad you came to get me.”

“c’mon,” aaron tsked, “haley won’t stop texting me. she’s getting impatient.”

“okay, okay,” rowan slid off the side, stumbling as her feet landed, “i’m so tired.”

“i bet you are,” he scoffed, “you need a change of clothes, some water, and a couple aspirin before you sleep though.”

offering her his elbow, aaron helped rowan into the car, spews of incoherent rambles flowing from her lips. every second she was onto another topic, giggling and mumbling to herself. as much as he wanted to be cross with her, as much as he wanted to scold her, he knew he couldn’t. he couldn’t make her upset.

he couldn’t blame her for her actions, for how she would cope with the horrors of the job.

a week had passed since the incident on the jet. afterwards, aaron avoided the subject like it his divorce. he wouldn’t accept that it happened, the emotions and feelings that came along with it. he didn’t want to face the facts. they carried too much weight.

but as she was sitting in the passenger seat of his car, her laugh so melodic and sweet, dripping like honey from her lips as she played with the radio, had him in a daze, corner of lips tugging into a smile, heart swelling at his new favorite sound.

and aaron hotchner wasn’t sure if he was beyond the point of no return, or just starting the journey there.

about an half an hour passed before he was leading her to his bedroom, careful that she didn’t slip or stumble, “you’re going to sleep here tonight.”

“what about you?” her lips curved into a pout, lip jutting out.

“i’ll be on the couch,” the response was cool, his voice low, “since you don’t have a change of clothes, i’m going to let you borrow some of mine, okay?”

“okay,” she nodded enthusiastically.

rummaging around in his dresser, aaron fished out a plain black shirt, along with a pair of sweats, “here, take these.”

rowan grasped the clothes, setting them on the bed. plopping on the edge of the mattress, she fiddled with the laces of her boots, kicking them off with a huff. aaron hovered, lingering as he discarded his coat, suit jacket, tie, and dress shoes. glancing down at his phone, his attention shifted as she rose to her feet, giving her some privacy as she changed.

one message in particular piqued his interest. a text from haley.

who was that?

shoving the phone back in his pocket, he bit back a sigh, “rowan are you-- oh my god.”

her body was exposed, a lace black thong on her lower half. beams of moonlight reflected off her flesh, like a sculptor highlighting the most beautiful aspects of his sculpture. but god, every part of her was so beautiful. from her soft thighs, to her strong shoulders, she was alluring, drawing aaron in.

blood flowed to his lower half the longer he stared, completely savoring the sight, his cock throbbing against the constraint of his slacks. a smirk crept onto her lips, cheeks still tainted a crimson hue as her gaze drifted towards his pants, “what, aaron?”

“rowan--”

“you want to suck on ‘em, aaron hotchner?” she cooed, grasping a breast in each hand, bouncing them ever so slightly, “i know you do.”

“rowan,” aaron swallowed thickly, scrambling to regain his composure, “you’re inebriated. please, put on a shirt.”

“do you not want to suck on them?”

“we need to get you to bed,” his tone was assertive, as if he was scolding jack, “please, put on a shirt and get in bed.”

“i wish you could sleep with me,” rowan mumbled, sliding into the shirt.

once again, he caught himself glancing over. the shirt was huge, barely clinging to her frame, tapering off about mid thigh. rowan folded her arms over her chest, eyes narrowing, “what aaron? are you going to help tuck me in or not?”

“sure rowan,” his annoyance dissolved, crumbling into a bliss as he padded over to the bed, helping throw the blanket over as she curled up, sinking into the sheets.

if only he could see her in his clothes every night. if only she could sleep in his bed every night.

if only she was sober enough to remember all this.

“goodnight aaron hotchner,” her voice was thick with sleep, eyes closed, slurred speech from the liquor, “thank you for being my knight in shining armor. even when i annoy you.”

“you’re welcome rowan,” a chuckled bubbled up in his throat, “you can always count on me to be there for you, even when you piss me off.”

“thank you,” she whispered.

“you’re welcome.”

running a hand through his hair, he exited from the room, pausing in the doorway. giving one last look over his shoulder, he ensured that she was asleep before he left. with each step, exhaustion seeped in, the idea of sleep so tantalizing. even if he was designated to the couch, he would be content. as long as it was a place to rest.

slumping onto the couch, he pulled a blanket over his body, finally at ease now that his son was asleep, as well as rowan. it seemed as if no matter how hard he tried to avoid her, to veer away from her path, they were always bumping into one another.

perhaps they were on separate paths, but always somehow intertwined.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

a wail pierced his eardrums, cutting into the night. blearily, aaron rubbed his eyes, checking his watch.

3:23 a.m.

concern grew as another cry echoed through the apartment, reverberating off the walls. fighting back a yawn, he got off the couch, prepared to comfort his son from a nightmare. it would only be a few words of reassurance, a pat or two on the back, and staying for a couple minutes. nothing that he wasn’t familiar with. clambering to the kitchen, he drew a glass of water, taking a sip.

however, as he approached the bedrooms, his heart lurched in his chest, an icy cold feeling coursing through his veins.

the cries were from his room.

pushing open the door to his room, his eyes widened at the scene unfolding before him. rowan was sobbing, tears streaming down her cheeks, clutching her head, rocking back and forth.

“we should have saved them. we should have saved them. we should have saved them.”

“rowan?” he called out softly, in an attempt to pull her away from her nightmare, inching towards the bed,  “rowan.”

“aaron?” she blinked, eyes glazed with tears.

“i’m here,” setting down the glass, he sat on the bed, “rowan, it’s okay. i’m here.”

carefully, he wrapped his arms around her, cradling her head against his chest to alleviate any nausea. fingers glided through her hair. she buried her head into his chest, tears staining his button down, “we should have saved them.”

“i know, i know.”

“why are you still in your work clothes?” she sniffled, “you should get out of them.”

“i fell asleep on the couch.”

“you should stay here and hold me,” her voice faltered, words a broken whimper.

“do you want me to?” the words were delicate, his voice low and hushed.

“yes please.”

“give me a second and i’ll hold you,” lips brushed the crown of her head, “let me change into something more comfortable.”

minutes passed before a tender hand connected with her shoulder, “scoot over. you’re on my side.”

rowan obeyed, rolling onto her right side. his arms engulfed her, bringing her closer to his chest, head nuzzling into her neck. the moment his arms were around her, holding her snug in his tight embrace, she collapsed, any anxiety or worry disappearing completely, sleep taking hold.

“you need to rest, ro,” his breath fanned against her ear, “you’ve been through enough tonight.”

“you’ve been through a lot too,” she mumbled, “if anyone needs rest here, it’s you.”

his throat vibrated against her shoulder blade as he chuckled, “well i’ll sleep soon ro, i promise.”

“promise?”

aaron pressed one last kiss to her cheek, “i promise.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

sunlight filtered in through the blinds, her nose wrinkling as she stirred. reaching over, her heart skipped a beat as there was nothing but an empty void of cold sheets. jolting awake, rowan shot up, panting slightly.

“well good morning to you too.”

heat flared in her cheeks as she peered over in the direction of the all too familiar voice.

aaron hotchner was clad in a pair of pressed ink-colored slacks, and pearly white button up, threading a crimson tie around his neck, “how’d you sleep?”

the sound of his voice sent a shiver down her spine, the words gravelly, loaded with exhaustion.

“what time is it?”

“6:49 a.m.,” he straightened the tie, crossing over to his closet to retrieve the final piece of his uniform, “your clothes are in the bathroom, washed and folded.”

“oh god,” the blush deepened as fingertips grazed the soft cotton tee, “oh my god.”

“i’m giving you the day off,” he stated, shoving his arms into the jacket, “from the look of it, you need it.”

“but my car--”

he raised a foot to the bed, tying the laces of his dress shoes, “you can either stay here and completely sleep off that headache i know you have, or i can drive you up to your car. but, if you do end up staying, i have a favor to ask.”

“where’s my car?” her mind was foggy, her skull throbbing, “i can’t remember anything from last night.”

“the park off north and second.”

“oh,” chewing the inside of her cheek, rowan assessed the situation, “what’s this favor?”

clearly, she had done something to end up here. to end up in her boss’ bed. the only clear memory she could recollect was driving to the park, turning her car off, and bringing the bottle to her lips.

the rest was a blur.

“i need you to watch jack for me. his daycare provider has the flu and she doesn’t want him contracting it,” his tone was monotonous, as if he was speaking to her the way he did when they were at the bau, “also, you were beyond the point of coherence last night, called me, and i let you spend the night. i didn’t want you driving home or staying at a motel. i’m shocked that you could even speak cohesive sentences.”

“aaron, did i do anything weird?” rowan inquired, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

he paused, exhaling as he plucked the briefcase off the floor, “i mean, you were pretty much naked in front of me.”

“what--”

facing her, her neck burned as a smug grin enveloped his features, eyes glittering with amusement, “you’re quite the flirt when you’re drunk, you know that?”

beads of sweat formed as her forehead, palms clamming up, “oh my god that’s so unprofessional-- you’re my boss--”

“rowan, everything that’s happening right now is unprofessional. now, i don’t really have a set list of rules when it comes to watching jack. just make sure he gets an afternoon nap in, and no bullshit for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, you got that?”

“you realize that i’m trashed right now, right?”

“you don’t look it one bit,” he shot her a wink, her heart fluttering, “i’ll let you meet him when he wakes. he usually sleeps in till about 7:30, so you have a good half an hour to compose yourself. i would suggest taking a shower or at least brushing your hair to look nice.”

“he’s a child--” rowan scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“he’s my son,” his eyes hardened with a glare, “and you better take care of him.”

“aaron i can barely take care of myself.”

“well it’s good that i’m here, isn’t it?” he mused, glancing at his watch, “i have to go. call me if you need anything. i would’ve given you my number, but it seems that garcia already gave you it.”

“bye,” rowan murmured, “i’m sorry that i can’t be there.”

“don’t worry about it,” aaron leaned over the bed, pressing his lips to her temple for a chaste kiss, “i suggest taking a nap when jack does. you need it, ro.”

and just like that, he was out the door.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“what’s up with him?” rossi’s eyes narrowed as hotch stepped out of the elevator.

“i have no idea,” prentiss followed his movement, lips pursing, “is he.. is he smiling?”

“he never smiles.”

“hey,” reid cleared his throat, “you guys haven’t seen rowan today, have you?”

“who?” derek chimed in, cup of coffee in his grasp, “rivers?”

“she hasn’t come in yet this morning and she hasn’t answered her phone,” garcia announced, eyes widened with worry as she sipped her coffee, “i don’t know how legal this is but she had me track her car one time when she went on blind date with a guy from the town over. well, that’s besides the point. what worries me is that she left her car at some local park last night and it hasn’t moved since.”

“also,” prentiss stuck out a hand, “hotch was late.”

“he’s not late,” reid countered, “he’s--”

“we know he’s not late,” morgan snorted, “what she means is that hotch is always the first one here, no matter what. today he didn’t even show up till we were all here.”

“should we ask him about it?” prentiss arched a brow, “i mean, maybe he knows where rowan is. after all, he is the unit chief. he’s the one we call for sick days.”

“well lucky for you all you can hold an interrogation before we discuss this next case,” jj cut in, arms loaded with files, “since we’re all here, let’s head into the conference room.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

the child teetered over to rowan, wide-eyed as she scoured the freezer, “ro-ro, what are you doing?”

“looking for pizza,” her voice is muffled by the door.

“pizza?”

“do you want some pizza?” she turned, a cardboard box in her hands, “i promise i won’t tell your dad. here, we can watch some cartoons while we wait for it to cook in the oven. would you like that?”

jack hotchner nodded, his blonde locks bobbing, “yes please. i won’t tell dad.”

“do you want to put the pizza in the oven?”

“yes!” jack jumped in place, nearly melting rowan’s heart.

swiveling on her heel, rowan searched for a pizza pan, ripping the box and peeling away the plastic covering. once she was finished, she placed the pizza on the pan, handing it to jack. carefully, rowan opened the door of the oven, “all right jack, be very careful. it’s really hot.”

“i’ll be careful,” he protested, allowing rowan to help guide his arms without touching the heated door.

“would you look at that,” rowan beamed, “you did such a good job jack! you can shut the door now.”

jack gripped the handle, pulling it shut, “i did it!”

“good job buddy!” the smile widened as she witnessed the pure excitement in his gaze, how he gushed and giggled at the praise.

god, he was such a cute kid.

scooping jack into her arms, rowan carried him over to the den, placing him on the couch, “what do you want to watch jack? do you like tom and jerry?”

“i love tom and jerry,” rowan couldn’t help but crack a smile as jack giggled, the sound utterly contagious.

“well, we’ll watch some tom and jerry then,” she chuckled, throwing the blanket over her, sharing some with jack as she plucked the remote off the coffee table.

“ro-ro how do you know my daddy?”

the question nearly sweeps rowan off her feet, desperate to formulate some sort of suitable answer. one that he would understand.

“we met at work. do you always ask so many questions? you sound like your dad.”

the t.v. flickered on, rowan clicking the button of the remote to find the right channel.

“i like uncle spencer but i think i like you more.” his words were slurred as he struggled to enunciate a few words, but it melted her heart nonetheless.

“am i your aunt?” rowan chuckled.

“no you were in the house this morning with daddy so obviously you’re my new mom.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“hotch, you’re never late, what was the hold up?” morgan’s tone was light with a tease, almost conniving.

“sorry, i had to arrange a new babysitter for jack. his usual daycare provider has the flu so i had to meet the new sitter to make sure everything was going to go smoothly,” the unit chief didn’t crack one bit, his focus honed in on the file before them.”

“well that’s inter--” morgan licked his lips, the words ceasing as a shrill ringtone filled the conference room.

“i better take this,” as his eyes scanned the called i.d., hotch rose from his seat, stepping away from the table.

“what is it? everything okay?”

“must be the babysitter,” rossi mused, drumming his fingers on the table.

“uh yeah your son thinks i’m new his mom,” her voice was light, shrill with laughter.

“did you tell him that?” fingers gravitated towards his temple, annoyance flaring.

“no he just thinks it,” he could picture her shrug.

“tell him that you’re not.” hotch shook his head, rubbing his forehead.

“aw well i’ve always wanted to be a mother someday--” she whined.

“rowan.”

“what am i supposed to tell him? just ‘no i’m not’? hotch, that sounds so mean,” hotch could almost hear his son in the background, giggling at whatever was going on.

“rowan we are not dating nor do i intend on having a child with you.”

“that’s not what your eyes said last night,” rowan murmured, the way her voice shifted nearly coating his cheeks a pink hue.

“i gotta go,” he muttered, “i’ll text you later.”

“wait--”

the line clicked before rowan could even finish, hotch shoving his phone back into his pocket. sucking in a deep breath, he faced his team, their eyes hungry, gleaming with satisfaction, a variety of smirks stretched across their lips.

“hotch, did you just say rowan?” prentiss folded her arms across her chest.

“no i said sharon.”

“so where is rowan again?” garcia inquired, pen scribbling doodles.  

“she called in with a headache,” hotch responded coolly.

“well her car says she’s at the park off north so where is she?”

“who’s shannon? did you have date with her last night? tell us about it!” morgan jeered, taunting.

“rivers called me earlier this morning informing me that she had a migraine,” hotch muttered, “so are we done acting like children?”

the team nodded, their expressions unwavering. discussing the case was pure agony, everyone oogling at hotch as if he was some sort of creature, an alien from outer space. as much as aaron didn’t want to crack underneath their banter, he was well aware that they were profilers, trained to pick out every single fiber of one’s mind and behavior.

they could see right through him.

and he was an awful liar no less.

as the team departed from the room, scampering out, giggling like idiots, rossi lingered, coughing before he spoke, “i didn’t know rowan started a babysitting service.”

“i-i don’t know what you’re talking about.” hotch stammered, tripping over the words.

rossi laid a hand on his shoulder, patting it gently, “mmmm okay, say hi to her for me when you check in later. i kinda miss the kid.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

the apartment was silent, the t.v. on mute, light dancing across the room as aaron strolled in. jack was nowhere to be found, the silence nearly defeaming. heart thudding in his chest, he flocked to his room, relaxing as he saw his son sound asleep, chest rising and falling, in a pair of mickey mouse pajamas.

he was curled up with his favorite bear, night light illuminating the room with a soft golden glow. a weary sigh tumbled from aaron’s lips as he backtracked, making his way towards the den.

rowan was upright, head propped up by a hand as her lids drooped, lashes fluttering. believing she was deep in slumber, aaron, plopped down on the couch, throwing his head against the leather.

a single word, so soft and gentle, startled him, “hey.”

“hey,” he whispered, “i’m sorry for getting back so late.”

“what time is it?” rowan brought a hand to her mouth to conceal a yawn, stretching out her legs.

“a little past one in the morning.”

“oh shit,” she chuckled, the noise hoarse from sleep, “what was the case?”

“nothing that we couldn’t get taken care of within a matter of hours. i’m afraid the team was a little more rambunctious than usual today.”

“rambunctious?” rowan snorted, “that’s definitely not the same  behavior analysis unit of quantico, virginia that i know. they’re never rambunctious.”

there was nothing more that he could have wanted more in that moment than to come home to her every night.

if only every night could be like this.

where he could come home, burdened by the stressors of his job, muscles sore from the physicality of it, head loaded with nothing but images of what he saw. what he heard. the monsters that lurked in the shadows.

yet, the moment he saw her, everything would just disappear.

nothing would matter.

nothing but her.

nothing but the heat of the moment.

“hey,” fingertips brushed her jawline, the touch feathery and light, “rowan?”

“yeah?” her irises were a stormy ocean, a torrent of blues and greys, glimmering with apprehension.

“come here.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

tagged: @sapphicstars​​ @colorlessfl0wers​

[evieoh]

Tagged by @alkenifanfiction

2016 AO3 stats:

User Subscriptions: 34

Kudos: 1330

Comment Threads: 295

Bookmarks: 232

Subscriptions: 139

Word Count: 136331

Hits: 19505

Works written in 2016 partially or wholly:

While I try to forget I used to be something great (one-shot, Gen-rated) Hive/Ward skyeward AU after 3.10 "The emotions feel so foreign, he has tasted the edge of them briefly in his long lifetime, through many hosts, but never like this. Never this agony that cries for more. This need for destruction that aches in his bones. She is the sun and he wants to burn in her flames. This is what sends men to war, this is what they die for. And this is the piece that has been missing. She is the spark that lights the void within him."

We gotta have it, We have no control (one-shot, Explicit) Season 3 AU. Shameless PWP. "She gets the most absurd urge to laugh at the absolute insanity of their situation. She is trapped, for all intents and purposes surrounded, making out in a closet with the bad boy. It's like some kind of warped secret agent version of Seven Minutes in Heaven."

and the sequel -

Let me see your hand, Show me what you got (one-shot, Explicit) Ward pov. Smut with a tiny bit more plot than the first part. If you squint.

Between the Shadow and the Soul (6 Chapters, Explicit) Season 3a AU/fix-fic. After Malick kidnaps Skye/Daisy in an attempt to use her to open the portal, she is rescued by Ward and a butterfly effect is set in motion. (My first real multichapter fic, I am so proud of this thing. It is and will always be my baby. I think my writing has improved over the year, but I am still so proud that I managed to write this and get it done in the time frame I set myself)

It's our Time to Make a Move (one-shot, Mature) Skyeward no-SHIELD AU. Skye reluctantly gets dragged to her 10 year high school reunion, where her high school crush returns with a vengeance.

I Pick my Poison and it's You (one-shot, Explicit) Has anyone else wondered how on earth they could get it on in those tiny ass closets they call bunks? The answer, it turns out, is not easily. (Season 1 AU smut. The blame for this fic falls entirely on Daisy, who took my complaining about the impracticality of having sex in the pods on the bus and demanded I write a story from it. My first real attempt at comedy-fluff. I'm pretty happy with it.)

tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us (one-shot, Explicit) Hydra!Skye role reversal set during The Well. Written for Skyeward smutfest. Angsty AF.

We Kiss the Dusk Goodnight (one-shot, Explicit) She finds him in Mexico. It's been eight months since she last saw him. “You came,” he repeats, his voice still sounding amazed and a little surprised. “Of course I came,” she says, leaning her forehead against his. “It just took me awhile to find you.” (Smutty one-shot sequel to Between the Shadow and the Soul.)

we drink the fatal drop (then love until we bleed) (one-shot, Explicit) AU during 1x20. Skye and Ward both know there is no happy ending for them, no way this will end in anything but heartbreak. But neither of them can resist the pull of the other, this force drawing them together. (Smut and angst, my specialty apparently)

I'm Just Dying to be the Friction in Your Jeans (3 Chapters, Mature) When Skye's friend's drag her out for a girls night out for a night of exotic entertainment, she is less than enthused. A certain smoldering dancer catches her attention and might just be enough to change her mind though. (Again, never joke about fic ideas to Daisy. She will not let you not write the thing.)

our hearts are too ruthless to break (one-shot, Mature) Skyeward/Nikita AU. (alternatively, evie tries to cram all of Daisy's favorite tropes into one fic for her birthday fic and also aims to make her cry.)

Maybe I'm Too Busy Being Yours To Fall For Somebody New (6 Chapters, Mature) (College AU!) Skye meets Grant Ward during Freshman orientation and it's Loathe At First Sight. He is easily the most irritating and infuriating person she has ever met. But fate (and their friends) seem determined to push the two of them together. Over the next four years their lives become inextricably intertwined, as they are forced to admit that they might actually be friends.

If The Fates Allow (2 Chapters, Mature) Stuck at the airport on December 23rd due to a snowstorm that has grounded all flights, Skye just wants to get home to celebrate Christmas with her friends. Becoming nemeses with the very attractive but utterly irritating guy sitting next to her was not in her plan. But fate has a funny way of bringing two people together when they least expect it.

Favorite Fic: I think I have to go with College AU (aka Maybe I'm Too Busy Being Yours To Fall For Somebody New), I started writing it back in May and then my enthusiasm dwindled until Daisy came along and kicked my ass until I finished it and I am so forever grateful to her for it. The fic is a tropey cliched mess and I do not care. I had so much fun writing it, and the comments I got on it are my favorite from any of my stories.

Hardest Fic: I think it was probably 'we drink the fatal drop (then love until we bleed)'. I had a really hard time getting the tone right. I knew from the start I needed the story to be from Ward's pov, but then I struggled with my fear of it seeming like Skye was coerced at all without having any way of seeing her thought process. I got so frustrated I nearly quit writing it at least three times, but I had amazingly supportive friends who helped me through it and now it is one of my favorite stories I've written, so I suppose the struggle was worth it.

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2017? I'm not great with prompts, I never have been. That said, I would like to be better. I make no promises though.

What was the best thing about 2016? While I technically wrote my first Skyeward fic in the final week of 2015, I'm gonna say that my getting back into writing again for the first time in years. And challenging so many of my previously held ideas about my own boundaries. I wrote a fic that was three times longer than anything I had ever written in the past. I wrote shameless smut. I wrote complete AUs. I wrote fluffy fun cotton candy fics. 

What was the worst thing about 2016? Losing my momentum in the second half of the year.

Any last thoughts for 2016? I am so glad I finally started writing again, and I am so grateful for all of the amazing feedback that inspires me to keep doing it. (And I am so incredibly grateful for @stargazerdaisy for inspiring and demanding and cajoling and encouraging me all the time, I swear I would have only posted like 3 rambling and semi-incoherent fics, riddled with run-on sentences and over abuse of commas, without her)

Goals for 2017: Alias AU! After talking about it for almost an entire year now.