#hen surely has something but i cannot think right now

[lemotmo]

I love Buck to death but I also don't know why so many people want him to be captain.

Q. They could just as easily be setting it up for Buck to be Captain. We know it's something he wants and he'd be good at it. It doesn't have to be Hen or Chimney. Buck is just as ready as they are.

A. I must admit I don't understand where all the 'Buck should be new captain' stuff is coming from. He's never even filled in as captain before. Yes he said it was something he would like to be considered for at some point, or at least have the people in his circle think that he's capable of being captain. And someday I think he'd make an excellent captain. But he's not nearly as ready right now as Hen is. If they're really going the route of having Bobby retire, the easiest transitions to make, that allows everything else to kind of stay relatively 'normal' for the 118 would be to make Hen captain. Have Eddie slide over to fill her role as Chimney's partner and the other medic. And keep Ravi on as Buck's partner. That keeps them all together. It also allows Buck and Eddie to stay on the same shift, on the same schedule for the most part, but also avoids having them be partners at work (because they'll be boyfriends). Buck would not be allowed to be Eddie's captain. While it's a super sexy idea, it wouldn't be allowed. And if I'm being honest I don't love the optics, or message, of skipping over the definitely more qualified, at this point in time anyway, black, female, lesbian firefighter, in favor of the less qualified, and at this point he is less qualified than Hen, white man. That is not a good look at all. And it's not a sensible choice. I adore Buck. I'm a Buck girlie, but he doesn't need to be the first choice for everything.

Thank you Nonny. 😋

Why do so many people want Buck to be the next captain? I don't get it.

I really love Buck, but he is so far from ready to lead a fire station. And honestly, I don't know if he will ever be ready at all? 🤷‍♀️

He thinks too much with his heart and not enough with his mind. He is not dumb, not at all. He is very intelligent and resourceful. But he is also highly emotional when it comes to his friends and fire family. That is not something you can afford as a captain. You need to be able to turn the switch when you're in the middle of an emergency.

You can't just abandon everything and run after a dog, because it ran away from you. You cannot just break down in the middle of a rescue operation because your friend just got buried under a ton of earth. You need to be level-headed at all times.

Now maybe he'll learn that eventually, sure... but I also think that Buck will come to the conclusion that he might not want to be captain all that much. The last time he wanted it because he wanted the validation. But he has really grown since then and I think that he might not need that validation anymore.

He KNOWS that he is a good firefighter and he KNOWS that he can save most people when he is in the field, instead of coordinating from the outside. So I do think he wouldn't even want the job if it was ever presented to him. 🤷‍♀️

If he ever has to stop being an active firefighter, I think he might want to take a position at the Academy to train new recruits. I honestly think that he is a born teacher. He has all the necessary skills to be an excellent mentor to young aspiring firefighters.

Now, don't come after me for having an opinion on this. It's just the way I interpret Buck as a character. Please feel free to disagree wholeheartedly with me. I'm more than fine with that. To each their own. 😌

I agree with Ali here that Hen has to come first. She has proven herself before as a captain. She is highly intelligent, intuitive and capable of making the right decisions. She has all the right skills to do the job. So it should be her.

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[murdockbuckley]

chimney "chronic migraines" han (it's why he's always chewing gum)

bobby "chronic back pain" nash (broke his back before la, has had buildings collapse on it multiple times since, like in mayday)

evan "chronic leg/whole body pain, insomniac, HoH" buckley (he got crushed by a truck and then struck by lightning come on now)

eddie "chronic pain" diaz (he's been shot so many times)

can't believe i forgot him but:

ravi "in remission" panikkar

[kedreeva]

Hi Ked! Having chickens when I finally get my own place has been something I've wanted for a while (am currently putting it on hold despite in the near future acquiring said own place due to H5N1). However, I have become a little enamored of quail recently in comparison. My goal would be to have eggs and fluffy yard buddies, do you recommend either one over the other?

If you want birds that can free roam your yard, it can't be quail. They are game birds, like pheasants, and will just leave (or get immediately eaten by.... everything, but especially hawks and domestic cats.

If you don't mind having them contained, then 100% quail are a better option right now.

Quail don't take up nearly the same space; an average sized quail tower takes up approximately a 2x3 foot space, and depending on how many levels you have and how densely you populate them can hold anywhere from 15-40 quail. That amount of space cannot even house 1 chicken long term.

Quail are not NEARLY the same initial investment; on average people end up investing around $200-500 in quail equipment/caging/birds depending on how into it you want to get, and $2k+ in appropriate chicken equipment/caging/birds. These costs can vary greatly depending on how handy you are and what connections you have to acquire scrap materials, or how fancy you want to get.

Since quail are not kept on raw ground, they have MUCH fewer health problems on average- they rarely get parasites, they rarely pick up bacterial infections, they rarely pick up anything viral (and if their caging is kept in a more enclosed/covered space there is almost no chance of them picking up HPAI). Since they're contained, there's not very much chance for them to injure themselves (although like any bird, if there's a way they have the will to find it).

Their eggs are more nutritionally dense than chickens. You can compare nutrition per gram anywhere online.

They're (in my experience) more consistent layers than chickens; give them light and feed, and they will lay daily year round, only taking a break to molt in the fall.

Quail's full lifespan is shorter than chickens. This may seem like a downside, but the productive years for a chicken are generally 2-5 years, with a lifespan that should be 7-12 years. Quail have the same 2 years of production, but on average only live 3-5 years, so even if you don't want to butcher the spent hens (which most people do), you aren't caring for nonproductive birds for many years.

Quail are easy to butcher at home with almost no equipment- all you need is a hefty, sharp pair of kitchen shears, a 5g bucket (with or without a liner), and some ice water in a big bowl. No plucking, no scalding, no killing cones, nothing special for cleaning. They can be packed for freezing whole in vacuum sealed sleeves.

If you get or build rollout cages, the eggs gently roll to the front of the cage and "out" into the tray, where they can be picked up clean!

If you get or build wire-bottom cages, you don't technically have to buy bedding. Cost efficient! You can provide resting boards or have solid-bottom portions of the cage, and giving them a sand bath bin will be REALLY exciting for them.

Coturnix quail come in such a huge variety of color and patterns that you can surely find some type you like.

Both species can come with aggression issues- it takes FAR less time to breed it out of quail because they hit breeding age in a matter of weeks, not months.

The downside to quail is that most coturnix quail are not terribly cuddly. you might be able to imprint one (I did once, because my pigeons hatched him and then didn't like that, so I took Robert in), but the majority will just be cute look-don't-touch birds. They are FASCINATING to watch though, so it works out imo.

the downside to both species is. the roosters crow. terrible noises in both cases. I couldn't handle chicken roosters.

Anyway, I think that in all honesty, when MOST people are considering getting into chickens, what they ACTUALLY want is the experience of having quail. Small, cute, easy to handle/raise, genetic manipulation through generations of selective breeding easy to hatch, cute eggies. There's a LOT of people getting into chickens right now because they think it will be a solution to the expensive eggs in the supermarket, but it won't be. They'll end up spending more on the chickens than they ever would have on just getting eggs, and throw a stone in a chicken group on fb and you'll hit 17 people who have had horrific health issues related to parasites, illness, injury, predation, etc.

Meanwhile.... quail groups are largely chill and questions are usually about colors and feed/housing (since most of the problems are bad feeding habits or caging, or genetic issues).

[iinryer]

so. i have been saying since the top of the season that this feels like a reset, and a reintroduction to the characters (which makes sense for a new network!)—i know others have talked about to being a transitional and setup season as well, which i agree with.

ive been thinking about parallels and mirrors and what it might mean to overlay season seven over season four, the things that could possibly imply…

[ID under the cut for easier legibility than alt]

(self indulgent honorable mention parallel: eddie’s blood in buck’s mouth, tommy’s soot on buck’s lips)

season four is the only other non-pilot season to have less than the full 18 episodes. season four is also the only season that ends on a life-altering arc-beginning injury for a member of the 118 (which also makes sense for a shorter than usual season, big hook to make up for the fewer episodes).

at the end of season four, eddie and bobby both end up dramatically injured (sniper). the end of season four also has the first mention of the will. now, i cannot say for sure that either of these are going to be mirrored, BUT. looking at the roadmap they’ve already given us… i have some feelings and predictions :)

and i’m not even going to begin digging into the vertigo references, others have more eloquent things to say, but i wanted to at least mention it because i DO think it’s going to come into play…

(if you can think of any other 4/7 parallels i would LOVE to hear them)

EDIT: 5/8 parallels spreadsheet now exists as well

———

IMAGE ID: a three column spreadsheet with the categories “PLOT POINT” , “SEASON 4”, and “SEASON 7”. the text reads:

Buck learns something life-altering that makes things about the rest of his life make sense in hindsight

- S4: Daniel reveal

- S7: Bisexuality discovery

Eddie meets a woman and ends episode 7 of the season on a date with her

- S4: Ana

- S7: Kim

Maddie and Chimney have a major milestone in their relationship

- S4: Jee is born

- S7: They’re getting married

Something horrible happens right before they do

- S4: Albert’s accident

- S7: Chimney gets sick and goes missing

Buck makes a fool of himself on a first date

- S4: Veronica, and the “double date”

- S7: Tommy

Hen and Karen have struggles with the foster system and how to best protect and provide for their foster kids

- S4: Nia

- S7: Mara

Athena and Bobby have trouble communicating, putting their relationship in a rocky spot

- S4: Bobby sponsoring the woman from the pileup and hiding it, Athena telling Bobby that she had considered retirement but never talked to him

- S7: The cruise ship and Athena being unable to tell Bobbby why she's so uncomfortable with the prospect of down time together

Someone talks to Eddie about following his own desires in a relationship, not what's expected

- S4: Bobby about Ana, Carla about Ana

- S7: Bobby about Marisol

Buck has a heart to heart with Christopher about the anxiety he has towards the fragility of relationships with the people in his life

- S4: Shannon and people leaving him, feeling isolated during the pandemic

- S7: Shannon and the girls he's leading on

Hen and Karen meet another parent related to their foster children

- S4: Meeting Nia's mom in the park and having lunch with her and Nia

- S7: Finding Tyson and reconnecting him with Mara

Someone with the initials TK that Buck met in relation to a helicopter, kisses Buck in his kitchen after Eddie gets hurt and then has to leave

- S4: Taylor

- S7: Tommy

[theoraeeken]

bucktommy / tevan prompt: drive, car/vehicle, hands

i literally cannot see the words "bucktommy" and "hands" and not instantly get weird about it so uh. sorry. if you're not into short, kinda horny oneshots. thank you for the prompt!!! <33

bucktommy / rated m / mild and implied sexual content / prompts open

-

Buck never gets out of the city, these days.

That's an over simplification, of course. Sometimes he does. Calls out of the city. Assists out of county. But it's been a long, long time since he made it out of LA for anything fun. And, this? This is fun.

The early evening has made a painting out of the North California landscape, streaming past them like so many brushstrokes. A sky in pink and lilac, trees tops in black shadow. Tommy, pretty as a picture, pretty as he always is with his hands on the wheel and his eyes forward.

Jesus, Buck has never wanted anyone so much in his life.

"You're staring."

"You're gorgeous."

Tommy huffs, but doesn't tear his eyes away from the road.

"You know I could watch you do this for hours."

"You have been watching me do this for hours," Tommy reminds him, mouth a sly smile, "Except for that powernap you took after lunch."

"You want me to take the wheel for a bit, babe?"

The same smile that always crossses Tommy's expression when Buck callshim babe appears. It's a soft little thing, but it's one of his favourite things in the world.

"Nah, there's only an hour left. Besides, I wouldn't want to deny you your favourite spectator sport."

It's true, it is. Maybe not in the way that Tommy thinks, maybe Tommy doesn't get it at all, actually. Buck likes to watch him. Watch him drive, watch him cook, watch him shave. Watch him nap on the couch after along shift, watch him comb his hair back before one. The confidence in his walk, the set of his shoulders, the surety of his hands.

His hands.

The same hands that are on the wheel that have pulled people out of burning buildings have washed Buck's hair in the shower. They've piloted helicopters, and cooked dinner for the two of them. They've patched up burns and lacerations and concussions in the field, and touched Buck the way no one else has ever quite managed.

Tommy flexes his hands, palms sure on the wheel.

Something stirs in Buck, a sense memory tucked into the joints of his wrists, the swirl of his fingerprints.

Buck stretches out in the passenger seat, a pleasant warmth settling at the base of his spine, a tingling in his gut, his fingertips, his legs.

There's a little sweat gathered in the fabric at Tommy's collar, where it's trickled down his neck. There's a drop of it tracing a faint red mark there, just under his hairline. Too faded to show any trace of what caused it, but Buck knows it was his teeth.

Buck runs a hand up his thigh absently.

"Evan," Tommy says warningly, but there's a touch of amusement in his tone, too.

"What?" he says innocently.

"You know what."

"Nope," he grins, "You look good."

"You look like a distraction."

"You can handle it."

"If I crash this car, and someone phones 911, you do realise neither one of us is ever going to live it down, right?"

He knows. He can practically see Chimney laughing his ass off already, hear Hen cackling. They gave him enough shit when a photo of Tommy appeared in his locker, a perfectly innocent picture of his boyfriend passed out cold on the couch in Buck's apartment, Jee-Yun beaming wildly into the camera after a day at a waterpark. Tommy's not wearing a shirt, because it got wet chasing Jee through a splash field. It's in Buck's locker because it's a great picture. No correlation.

"You flew a helicopter into a hurricane, I think you can manage the I5."

"You didn't have a hard on in the helicopter."

"That's what you think," Buck grins. He does now, easy and eager to go, like he's eighteen again, dick on a hairpin trigger.

"You didn't get enough this morning?" Tommy asks wryly.

This morning was slow and easy, still under the covers with the early morning light coming down on them like a blessing. Tommy's mouth on his stomach and his fingers inside of him, pulling an orgasm out of him like pulling on a loose thread - unravelling Buck into an incoherent mess.

"That was like eight hours ago-"

"It was maybe five, at an absolute push-"

"-and you just look so good sat there-"

"-I'm not doing anything!"

"-and I want you," Buck says, chest going warm at the way Tommy's mouth snaps shut and a blush starts spreading across his cheeks, "the way I always want you because you always look this good."

"We're gonna crash on the I5 and there's gonna be a pile up, and they're gonna check traffic cam footage and see that it's because I swerved into oncoming traffic, and when they ask me what happened, I'm gonna have to say it's because-"

"We're not going to crash, Tommy," Buck laughs.

"-because my boyfriend is insatiably horny," he interupts, louder, before glancing over at him. His eyes drop down to where Buck is rubbing himself through his sweats and he groans, a deep rumbling thing in his chest that makes Buck jerk helplessly in the seat, "and because he looks so good right now."

The satnav on the dash says there's still ninety minutes until they reach their destination, which is damn near an eternity. The thought of being confined in this car with Tommy, in a nice fitting t-shirt and shorts that have ridden up to expose a slither of inner thigh, for more than an hour feels impossible. Buck grinds into the heel of his palm, images of them pulled over at the side of the road, pressed together in the backseat of Tommy's old muscle car, or Buck bent over the hood, or leaning against the driver's side door with Tommy on his knees in front of him- They bomboard his imagination like firecrackers, every one of them vivid and alive like memories rather than fantasies.

Tommy's hand shoots out like a gunshot from the wheel to clasp his wrist.

He didn't realise how close he was to coming until his hand stopped moving.

"Jesus, Evan-" Tommy breaths out, his fingers like a vice, chest heaving, "You're trying to kill me."

"Whatta way to go though, huh?" Buck slurs. His hips are still twitching, even as he steps back from the precipice of orgasm. Everything is still so close, so hot, so intense. Tommy's jaw is so tight the muscle is jumping under the skin, but he lets go of Buck's wrist to lace their fingers together instead.

It's probably not the placating gesture Tommy wants it to be, not now that Buck's so worked up, not when it's Tommy's hands that have him writhing in the passenger seat of this car, Tommy's everything, really.

"Evan."

"What?"

"Quit it," he says firmly.

Buck grins, "Or what?"

"Or," Tommy says easily, "Every time I catch you, I'm adding an hour onto how long I'm making you wait when we get to the hotel."

That definitely doesn't have the desire affect, or it does. Buck can't tell over the wildfire that courses through him, caught between the desire to chase relief as soon as possible, and drag whatever game they've stumbled onto here out for as long as he can. Whatever shows on his face makes Tommy laugh, pull his hand back and put it back on the wheel.

-

(They make it to the hotel by the skin of their teeth, check in like a pair of maniacs on the run from the cops, then Tommy shows him just how serious he was about that three hour penalty by strapping his arms to the bed with his belt.)

-

(He only makes it two and a half.)

[ninzied]

where ground meets light

alex and henry go on a double date. modern au. based on the prompt: a kiss to distract, for @caressthosecheekbones. ~1.2k.

They’ve only been dating a few weeks when he suggests it.

“Sorry.” Henry has to take this all in for a moment. Surely he must have misheard. “You want to go on a double date? With Alex?”

“Is that weird?” Gregory asks, in the manner of one who’s merely being rhetorical. “He’s your best friend. I want to get to know him better.”

“Well. Sure,” Henry says, because he cannot think of a single reasonable objection that a normal person would make. A normal person who’s not been harboring an ill-advised torch for his best friend for years. “Though,” he hedges, as if the thought’s just occurring to him, “I’m not sure he’s dating anyone at the moment.”

Henry would know if he is. In fact, according to Pez, the whole world would be hard-pressed not to notice because of the moods Henry gets in when it happens.

But it’s been well over a month now since his latest “little London fog,” as Pez calls it, so Henry mentions the idea to Alex as an afterthought, thinking there’s no real danger of him saying yes.

“Great!” says Alex brightly. “I’ll bring Yvette.”

He’ll bring fucking whom?

.

Yvette is a bloody knockout, of course.

Henry expects nothing less. Alex is only the most beautiful man who’s ever walked the planet, so it stands to reason that his date should look as she does.

The more unfortunate thing is that Yvette is also supremely likable. She’s warm, and funny, and seems to share Alex’s knack for livening up the conversation as though they’ve all been friends for years.

By all counts, the date should be a success. Henry laughs more than he thought he would and drinks far less than he thought he would need to. Alex is impressed by the food, which makes Henry feel absurdly pleased to have chosen this particular restaurant.

And, perhaps most importantly: because they’re seated at a round table with Alex angled off to his left, Henry hasn’t caught himself staring at him even once.

Perhaps he’s not so at risk of giving himself away as he’d thought.

.

The trouble, turns out, starts elsewhere.

The trouble is that Henry doesn’t have to be looking at Alex to be attuned to his every feeling and movement.

The way Alex’s knee keeps jittering under the table. The tic in his finger as he taps, then stills. Taps, then stills. The fact that he’s hardly stopped for a breath since they sat down.

He’s antsy, and miserable, but he’s trying so hard and his smile’s so vibrant that not a single person can tell. Not a one but Henry, and he needs to do something, needs Alex to know that he’s seen.

“Darling,” says Henry, without even thinking, and puts his hand on Alex’s wrist. Christ. Fuck. What did he say? What is he doing? But none of that seems to matter right now. “Are you all right?”

He feels Alex relax as though instantly calmed by that one simple touch, and Henry knows that if Alex hadn’t been all right before, he is more so now, somehow.

“Another round of drinks?” Henry asks the table, not even waiting, not even looking, before pulling Alex to his feet. “We’ll be right back.”

.

This is the difference between them. They both have their moods, but Henry wears his on his sleeve and has to shut himself away until it’s passed.

Alex, meanwhile, hides his in plain sight from most people, but Henry likes to think he’s not most people, and as soon as they’re at the bar out of earshot he looks Alex in the eye and says, “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“Was it that obvious? Fuck.” Alex shakes his head. “It’s nothing, Hen, just—want to make a good first impression, you know?”

Henry’s brow furrows. He tells that jealous little twinge in his chest that now is not the time. “Is this your first date with Yvette or something?” No wonder he’s not heard of her earlier. “Christ, Alex, why didn’t you say so sooner? You didn’t have to come if you didn’t—”

Alex laughs under his breath for some reason. “We’re not dating.”

“You’re—what?”

“She’s a friend,” says Alex. “She’s helping me out. And if the lov—I mean, if my best friend’s boyfriend wants to meet me, I’m going to need all the help I can get.”

Henry’s chest is positively aching now. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he says, firmly despite how breathless he feels. “It’s not that dire, trust me. We’ve only been on, like, three dates before this one.”

“Oh.” Alex seems to process this. His expression looks lighter for just a split second before it gets all heavy again. “Well, if you’re wanting there to be a fifth, you should probably talk to him before it’s too late. Looks like he’s about to leave.”

Henry glances over his shoulder, and sighs. “I should probably talk to him, yeah.”

.

Gregory is putting his coat on as Henry walks over. They both muster up a small smile, Henry’s more rueful, Gregory’s resigned.

“I’m really sorry,” Henry says, and means it.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to make it into a thing,” Gregory says. “Unless you’re about to tell me to stay. That would be pushing it.”

“I’m not,” Henry admits. “What I did want to say is that—well, I haven’t been entirely honest with myself about what I want. Which means I haven’t been honest with you, and that’s not fair to you at all.”

Gregory nods. “I do like you, Henry. You deserve to be happy. And I deserve to not be the guy that you use as an excuse to keep standing in your own way.” He glances at Alex back at the bar. Yvette is there now too, flirting up a storm with the bartender.

“I wanted to get to know your best friend,” Gregory continues. “And now that I have, I can say that he’s a really lucky guy.” He gives Henry a meaningful look. “Even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

.

Alex straightens as Henry approaches the bar, an untouched whiskey in one hand. “What are you doing? I thought you were going to go talk to him.”

“I did.” Henry shrugs, and helps himself to Alex’s drink.

Alex is looking as though he’ll never again know happiness in this world. “I fucked things up for you, didn’t I. Fuck.”

“What? No,” says Henry, but Alex doesn’t seem to be listening. “Alex. Alex.”

“Do you want me to go talk to him? I can explain.” Alex runs a hand through his hair, sending his curls all breathtakingly askew.

He doesn’t even know, Henry marvels. He doesn’t even know.

“I mean, it’s not your fault that I—” Alex breaks off with a frustrated sigh before starting back up again. “I’ll tell him that you don’t feel the same way, and that I’m really fucking sorry I ruined your night with my—you know—feelings, and—”

“You’ll do no such thing,” Henry says.

Then he leans in and kisses him, because Alex is an unstoppable force, and this is the one place where Henry has not been brave enough to meet him, until now.

Alex goes quiet at last, save for the sigh he lets out as their lips part and his hands find Henry’s waist and pull in.

“Whoa,” he breathes after a moment. “Yeah, we gotta do that again.”

“Shh,” Henry murmurs, “we were doing so well.” He puts his hand on Alex’s nape, drawing him back in.

Alex kisses him back like it’s the only thing that centers him, the only thing that keeps him grounded, and Henry—well.

Henry can’t help but think that it feels a bit like flying, too.

[kiras-sunshine]

(one more look) and i forget everything

buddie, 1.6k, fluff, established relationship

for the prompt of casual affections #1 "smiling at each other across the room"

ao3

or

It's the middle of the day, about eighteen hours into their twenty-four shift, and Bobby has cooked an elaborate lunch with all the down time they have had.

A lasagna with ricotta cheese or something, Buck isn’t entirely sure, even though Bobby has been going on about the preparation process for the past ten minutes, really diving deep into the fine tuning he has had to do over the course of months to get the recipe just right.

However, it’s not Buck’s fault that he cannot focus on Bobby and his cooking tales, when Eddie is looking at him and smiling at him from the other end of the table.

It happens a lot, nowadays. 

That rest of the world seems to drown out when Eddie looks at him.

Buck’s aware that it’s ridiculous and that they are like teenagers heads over heels in love, getting dumb butterflies in his stomach, just because the person he loves smiles at him.

It’s dumb, but Buck loves it.

The food smells incredible, and Buck is aware that Hen is placing a pile of it on his empty plate and that he probably murmured something as a reply because she stops and places the lasagna tray into Ravi’s hands, who is sitting next to Buck. 

There is a lot of chatter going on around the table, somehow Chim’s voice is the clearest in Buck’s ears, but he and Eddie are having a complete conversation silently just by holding each other’s gaze. 

A soft and amused conversation, intertwined with love. 

Eddie has his elbow propped against the table and he leans into his own hand. He is drinking water out of a glass and nodding, politely, along to something that Chim is saying, but his gaze has not moved on from Buck. 

The corner of his mouth twitches into a lopsided half-smile at first, the soft kind of smile that radiates brightness all over his features. It seems that Eddie is valiantly trying to keep it at that, as a half-smile that is there and nothing more, but he fails miserably the longer he keeps studying Buck with his gaze.

Buck has looked at Eddie enough, knows him well enough, to know that he has different types of smiles, as everyone does, but Eddie’s smiles are special to him, and he can tell each detail of them. 

Because Eddie might be a reserved person, the type of person who keeps his true emotions close to his chest, doesn’t flaunt them unnecessarily, but he is freer with his emotions when it comes to Buck. 

He lets Buck see more than he lets most people witness, and that means that he has smiles that are just reserved for Buck or Christopher, but Buck is an expert in the smiles that are reserved for him. 

The ones that create laughlines around Eddie’s eyes and make his cheeks go slightly pink and his brown eyes gleam brightly with love and happiness.  

That is exactly the kind of smile that is stuck on Eddie’s face right now, on the other end of the table, at the firehouse, and Buck fears those damn butterflies are permanently dislodged between his ribs, making his stomach flip, not unpleasantly, as he just looks at Eddie and smiles back at him. 

Chim suddenly stops talking, groans and pokes Eddie in the elbow, saying are you serious, I thought you weren’t going to be this bad when there is a whole table between you two, which makes Eddie chuckle and tear his gaze away from Buck for a moment, but as they keep eating the lunch, their gazes always find each other. 

Soft, lingering glances, accompanied with quiet, loving, flirty, mischievous smiles that make Buck’s heart buzz and wanting to keep smiling, to start grinning, because all of the warm happiness and love that resides in his heart needs an outlet.  

It’s ridiculous, really. 

Eddie looks as he always does on shift, wearing a navy dark LAFD t-shirt, tucked in his uniform pants, hair combed back, but one stubborn strand of his hair is curling against his forehead, but Buck thinks he is still the most beautiful person he has seen.

Of course he is going to stare at the love of his life when he gets the chance.   

At the end of the lunch, Eddie volunteers to wash the dishes, and Buck thinks it's only fair that he, as a partner extraordinaire, on and off field, offers to help him. Getting to spend a few moments together, pretending that they have any sort of privacy inside the station, has obviously nothing to do with it. 

“Why are you smiling so hard?” Buck asks, stepping right into Eddie’s personal space, right next to him, carrying everyone’s dirty plates in his hands. 

It feels right to be by his side, even though Buck pointedly sat on the other end of the table earlier, because contrary to the popular belief at the 118, he and Eddie are not attached at the hip and can do things on their own. 

It’s just more fun to do things together, off and on shift. 

“I cannot smile at my boyfriend now?” Eddie asks, amusement lacing his voice as he turns on the faucet and water comes out, rapidly starting to fill up the sink. “Rude.”

“Not what I was saying,” Buck says, bumping their hips together, and placing the pile of dirty plates on the counter, and the smile doesn’t disappear anywhere from his face.

“Maybe I’m smiling because I feel like it,” he suggests, shrugging slightly as he dumps a few of the plates into the sink, “because I’m happy.”

They might have been together for weeks now, but the thrill of hearing that Eddie is happy, that he makes him happy, hasn’t gotten old yet. 

Buck hopes it never gets old. 

“Me too,” Buck replies, softly, so softly that the sound of water rushing from the tap almost drowns his voice, as he places the rest of the plates in the sink.  

Eddie turns slightly, facing him now instead of the plate-filled sink, and he grins. 

“Good.”

“You know when we established those ground rules for work?” Buck asks, slowly, letting his gaze fall on the curve of Eddie’s upper lip, and he loops his index finger through one loose belt loop of Eddie’s pants and pulls him even closer. 

They are now so close that Buck can feel Eddie’s breath against his face, on his neck, and the warmth of his skin, the warmth that he radiates generally. Their legs are bumping together, Eddie’s thigh is half between his thighs, and Buck notices that their breathing seems to be synchronised. 

In and out, as if their hearts would not be the only thing that is one split into two.  

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, raising his eyebrow, and with a lack of grace, he tries to turn off the tap without looking away from Buck, and he ends up hitting the sink a few times with his fingers, before he finally lands on the tap and turns the water off.

Everything sounds so quiet without the sound of water running in the kitchen and Buck chuckles, his heart fluttering in his chest.

He never thought that turning off a water tap without looking would be the thing that makes him swoon in the middle of a shift, but anything is possible with Eddie. 

“Not kissing at work is such a stupid rule,” Buck murmurs, practically whispering each word against Eddie’s lips, “who even came up with it?”

He is joking, mostly. 

They both know they have too much at stake in their new-found relationship to mess it up, and it seemed obvious that they needed to establish a bunch of rules, to ensure that things go smoothly. 

How to act at work, what to do if either one of them needs space for whatever reason now that they live and work together, and promises and vows to learn to communicate better among other things. 

Back then, it seemed very obvious that all sorts of public displays of affection would be off limits at work. That they could do it, that they survived seven years without acting on their desires and wishes, they could survive mere hours. That being in each other’s company would be enough.

Yet, they failed at the time one hour and fourteen minutes into their first shift as a couple when Buck got hit by an agitated drunk-driver at a scene of a fender bender and Eddie was in mere seconds fussing over him, in his medic mode, making sure that Buck didn’t break his nose, and cupped his face so gently and traced his jaw with his thumbs, and Buck knew his nose was fine, but that their pact on professionalism was thrown out of the window. 

“I agree,” Eddie says now, voice dropping lower, as he bites his own lower lip, and settles his hand on Buck’s hipbone, “maybe we could negotiate it again.”

There are layers of clothes between Eddie’s hand and his skin, but it still feels as if touch burns, in the best way possible. 

Buck tilts his head, still smiling. “No kissing on calls?” 

“Mhmh,” he hums in agreement, lazily dragging his thumb along Buck’s LAFD long-sleeved shirt, right at the curve of his hip, “downtime, when it’s just the two of us?”

“It doesn’t sound like the worst thing,” Buck remarks, slowly, letting the amused smile slowly morph into a grin, “it keeps the work morale up.”

The alarm starts to blare, ricocheting off each wall of the firehouse, and Buck grins against Eddie’s lips, without touching them, and Eddie mirrors his smile for a split second before they hurry towards the engine.

The dishes and the kiss that never was are left behind, but Buck knows both of them wait for them in the kitchen, right where they left them, and there is an incredible amount of certainty in that.  

[leashybebes]

I was tagged by @typicalopposite (impulsive) and @hyperfocusthusly (fire) for this wip game.

Rules! Share one sentence or excerpt from your wip(s) that starts with each letter of your word!

Decided to make it confusing by pulling from my extremely unwieldy file with allll the wips from you plus me verse, along with the actual ongoing wips and a Super Secret project so...don't expect anything coherent, I guess!

also, at least one bit is nsfw, i sorta lost track. impulsive is a long word and i have NOTHING in the tank today.

re: nothing in the tank, i cannot even consider tagging onwards. if you see this and wanna do it, your word is heart

impulsive

i -

"I mean. I think you could make just about anything sound hot."

"Do you see how that could be a problem?"

"I - guess. But um. It's a problem in a hot way."

Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose. "Evan."

"I mean it. Um. Hold up." Buck scrolls through his phone, switching back to his notes app and, yikes, that's a mess that he will need to tidy up at some point, but he thinks he worded it pretty well in his little brain-dump earlier, so carefully filed sex notes will have to wait.

m -

"My round," Tommy says.

"I'll come with you," Eddie offers.

Buck stands up to let them out of the booth. Clearly not even thinking about it, Tommy touches his waist as he goes, a brief trail of his fingers that has Buck making what he's sure is a pretty goofy expression at Tommy's retreating back.

p -

"Put some clothes on, have a shower if you want, I'm going to make some lunch."

"Is this the famous Clipboard Buck?"

Buck's aware he's probably having what Hen would call a face journey because he wants to know who said that to Tommy, and to point out that he doesn't actually have a clipboard right now, but that he has one at the loft and he could grab it if they swung by, and he also wants to say something embarrassing about how handsome Tommy looks after a nap. He might be in danger of going full Buck here.

u -

"Uh. No. But. You know my friends."

"And soon you'll know mine." He brings Buck's hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles. "I've told them about you. They'll love you."

"Um. Um. Sure." 

Buck screams at himself to shut the fuck up because they'll love you is literally just a thing people say, and it is too goddamn early.

l -

"Love you."

"Love you too."

"Love you!" Jee chirps up, not really directed at anyone in particular, just putting it out into the universe. Buck swoops her up onto his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and she shrieks with laughter. When he leans in to drop one last peck on Tommy's cheek, he hears Jee's mwah! as she lands a kiss in Tommy's hair.

s -

"She was a kid when I joined the army. I should have done better by her, but - "

"You were a kid when you joined the army," Buck counters. "I'm not mad, stop looking at me like that."

"Okay," Tommy says carefully. "You probably - "

"I mean, I am confused. Because when your dad died, we talked a lot. I thought - I thought it made us closer."

i -

"I don't wanna - "

"Sure, okay, make me say it," Tommy says with a huff that might almost be a laugh. "You've got a big dick. Just - it's good, just go slow."

"Yeah," Evan says. "Sure, of course."

He thought he was going slow, but Tommy's the boss, so he works on tiny, incremental little thrusts instead, and it feels crazy. He can feel Tommy's ass working around his cock, like it's actively trying to get him closer, further inside.

v -

Verging on tearful, Evan says, "I would have come. I would have helped."

"I know you would have. It's exactly why I didn't. Why I wouldn't let Sal."

"God, you are a stubborn asshole," Evan says, but he sounds almost impressed, now.

Tommy shrugs and snags another cookie. "These are really good."

Evan gives him a familiar, teasing glare. "For the record, I am allowing you to change the subject."

e -

"Evan, wait - "

But it's too late. Buck pulls open what appears to be Tommy's sock drawer. He's rooting around before Tommy's words can register and his fingers find it like they knew it'd be there - a box. Small and square and navy blue and unmistakable. 

"You - "

Tommy sighs and drags a hand over his face. "Surprise?" he suggests. "This really isn't how I thought this would go."

fire

f -

For a second it's their first kiss all over again, but then Tommy's free hand is preemptively cupping the back of Buck's head as he very efficiently gets Buck pinned against the wall and kisses him fervently. Buck makes a noise of surprise but then gets with the programme immediately. Tommy kisses him hard, urgent, licking into his mouth and slotting their bodies together in a way that Buck is already learning makes him melt. He winds his arms around Tommy's neck, arches into him, lets out a happy little hum.

i -

"It's up to you. I won't be offended if you just want to go sleep in your own bed, but I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't serious."

He's so fucking direct, and it makes Buck feel crazy.

"I don't want to sleep in my own bed," he says, and wants to curl into himself and disappear. It's too much and too honest and too intense and too early and too Buck. 

r -

Reflexively, he notes Evan very deliberately not looking at the cane, probably trying to reconcile the man who walked out of his loft eight years ago with it, and with the glasses, and the decrease in muscle mass and the more grey than not in his hair. He decides to give him an out.

"Congratulations on the promotion," he says. "You deserve it."

e -

Evan holds out  an honest-to-god printed list. Lists, Tommy realizes as he takes hold of the paper, and sees that it's multiple sheets. The first is titled non-sexual intimacy, the second date night ideas, the third mutual self-disclosure. Evan's hand covers his, settling the rising itch of panic he's barely had time to notice.

"Slow down," Evan tells him. "Your pace, remember?"

Part of Tommy hates the feeling of being handled. Another part of him, the part he's trying to lean into, wants it desperately. Wants to be treated carefully, treated with care.

[mister-mykal]

9-1-1 8x06 Thoughts on the Buck, Eddie, and Tommy of it all

Okay I have like almost no followers, which makes sense because I usually only normally lurk here. I'm also sure none of my followers are into 9-1-1 here, but I just need to scream into the void on the off chance someone sees this. None of my friends watch this show so I really just hope even just one person reads this and makes me feel a little less foolish because a lot of the discourse here is so "us vs them" and black-and-white. This is gonna be obnoxiously long, so I don't expect anyone to read all this, if any of it, but I'll put a TL;DR at the end. I will not be bashing Tommy or Eddie in this post! Also I'm typing while it's late for me and my ADHD makes me a horrible proofreader, so sorry for typos and the such.

I hate fandom drama, I cannot care less about whatever beef bucktommy stans and buddie stans have I've been trying to mostly ignore it. I'm just upset if this ends up being sloppy writing on the 9-1-1 team's part. I'm gonna try to be nuanced about how I felt about 8x06 because I feel like there is a way to do this and not completely screw the writing for either Tommy or Eddie.

Tommy does not have to be endgame, that is fine. I think Eddie is definitely more popular with the fans and plenty of people love a good slow burn. Their chemistry is also undeniable. But plenty of people enjoy Tommy too, despite his cavalcade of haters. And to have thrown away what seemed like a character arc in the making for him seems like a waste if this is the last we see of him? I hear he's going to be in at least one more episode, so I hope they do that justice. I don't need them back together, I just need this to make better sense.

I know people really hate Lou and Tommy, but I'm pretty neutral about him. (Idk how true the very little things I've see about Lou is because I keep hearing he's homophobic, misogynistic, racist, etc. but I have not be able to find any receipts. If it is true, that sucks and I get why they would try to write someone like that out of the show. However, just I'm gonna focus on it from purely a story perspective right now.) I enjoy seeing Buck happy after all the shit he's gone through in his past relationships. I was cautiously optimistic from the interviews that said he was finally "getting of the hamster wheel". But yet again, Buck loves with his whole heart and has his hopes dashed. It would have been one thing if Buck was the one who ended things, but really? This again? He doesn't need his heart broken AGAIN. I don't care who Buck ends up with, I just want him to be happy and secure with whatever partner he chooses.

Why bring back a previously established character who has some growing to do and then throw them away again? Boooo, if they wanted Buck and Eddie's queer awakening arcs to happen separately, and weren't interested in expanding Tommy's character, they should have just set up Buck with random throwaway guy. Otherwise it's just drama for the sake of drama instead of something that's in greater service to the narrative or character writing. Tommy becoming Eddie's friend first especially feels too intentional. Tommy already having established relationships with Hen, Chim, and Bobby feels too intentional.

Tommy's insecure feelings over Buck eventually choosing someone else, likely Eddie, over him is incredibly real and make sense. He's never felt like he's had a place to belong in general. He's jealous of the 118, he's jealous and threatened by Eddie's relationship with Buck. Honestly, I also wouldn't be surprised if Eddie was the one who caught his eye at first because it's not that hard to clock Eddie if we're being honest. It's pretty clear Tommy was baffled that Buck was fighting to get his attention over Eddie's. Why set up this arc and end it before it's even started? If there's a ever a starting point for Tommy to grow, it's right here and now. Otherwise it makes no sense.

At the same time, Eddie's character writing makes ZERO sense if he isn't a deeply closeted gay man (or at least asexual, but that's unlikely, especially with the way they've been positioning Buck and Eddie for the longest, and especially the way they position Eddie and the Hot That whole interaction with the hot priest and the mustache, beard, fruit juice, plenty of metaphor we all picked up on that. Never has an actual straight character said "no offense, I'm straight" like that within the context of the surrounding narrative. Like come on? Denying yourself FRUIT JUICE? Denying yourself joy?? which gay used to be a synonym for? Girl, please. And even with Josh's speech a bit? I think it's obvious enough that it could also be extended to Eddie, even though he's closer to Buck's age. Growing up Catholic is pretty rough for queer people.

On top of the fact that there are plenty of other hints while he did/does have love for Shannon, it was almost always in the context of that she is the mother of his child. He literally had a panic attack over someone mistaking Ana for his wife, and over their relationship starting to get serious. Ana is a lovely lady that most men that are attracted to women would be happy to have... so what's the issue, really? And then he only thinks about staying with her simply because she could be the new mother to his child. Be so for real.

And Eddie honestly has been pretty awful to the women he has dated, and you can either choose to read that as him being a chauvinistic, exploitative pig (doesn't really align with the rest of his character), or someone deeply in the closet who doesn't really want to be with a woman. (yeah, that's sounds more accurate.)

We can reconcile all of this though. Buck more than likely has romantic feelings for Eddie, I think it'd be silly to think otherwise, but even though Buck has figured out who he is, it doesn't mean Eddie has yet. He's made progress, but he has at least a little ways to go left. As far as Buck knows, Eddie is straight in this moment. He's never hesitated to write him off as his "best friend", while Eddie... well, he'll realize he's in love with Buck soon enough.

Still, I feel like it's a bit disingenuous to say that Buck doesn't care about Tommy at all, he is clearly hurt by the break up. At the very least, even if they don't get back together at all, they need to talk this out like adults and have Tommy explain himself better, because it's obvious Tommy has walls from from past experiences. Doesn't make it okay that he did Buck like that, but no one on this show has been perfect so... 🙄 At the very least we should get that one episode from that "See you around, Buck" (Ouch, Tommy. Though I feel like that was more so Tommy distancing himself to Buck to protect himself more than to hurt Buck.) Though just as easily, we might only ever see him here and there again on calls that require air support so who knows. 🤷🏾

There were some pretty obvious parallels set up between Abby and Tommy this episode. Abby and Tommy were both firsts for Buck, they're both around the same, older age. Both of them are experienced and life and deeply lonely, so how could they possibly turn away someone who has as much love to give as Buck does? Both of them are, seemingly, just stepping stones on Buck's way to self discovery. Buck even says it himself, he calls their relationships "transformative", but obviously because the experiences Tommy has had as an older queer man, he's probably not a stranger to beings someone's flyover until they get to their actual destination. I understand why he would want to protect himself like that.

Even if that's the case, I don't think Buck would want to leave things like this. I know in one of the interviews Oliver says Buck is be heavily considering if he wants to fight for this or not, but at the very least I hope they've shown his growth and showcase his emotional intelligence by calling out Tommy that it's not fair to him to sorta decide how he feels, even if it is Buck's first relationship with a man.

It's far from Buck's first relationship and idk, it feels a little icky to tell the bi person to go fool around a be a slut when he's said that he's tired of sleeping around and wants to settle down. That can just be a character flaw with Tommy (I've met plenty of biphobic monosexual queer people), but at the very least can't Buck call him out on it? Let them have a more mature, complete conversation and let Tommy say the quiet part aloud. At the very least, I get Tommy's intention, he doesn't want Buck to have any regrets, but I don't think he knows just how much he's hurt him and how many times he's been through the situation.

Something really upsetting, even though Tommy has had his problems and hasn't been the greatest person, really sad about any closeted queer person who's been nasty, but much of it came from circumstance, not getting a chance to grow after they literally set that up with the script. Well, you do you I guess. At the very least if Tommy is nothing more than a plot device, couldn't you have let Buck come to conclusion they should break up and give him even an ounce of power in his romantic pursuits for once? Instead of the one loving too hard and too fast and hurting from it? The interview where (I don't remember who exactly) said we wont be seeing much more of Tommy, if at all really annoys me because if this is it? Ugh. That break up didn't feel conclusive at at all.

TL;DR: Wasting a previously established character as a plot device after setting up what seemed like some sort of character arc for him even if he wasn't Buck's endgame seems like really sloppy writing if you decide to discard him back into the obscurity for the rest of the series. It feels like a cheap way to add extra drama and the implications and situations you could create from at least dragging this out a little bit more could create a more satisfying resolution to this at the very least. Why retread old ground again when you said that you wouldn't and waste all the potential you were setting this up with this scenario? It still seems unresolved, so hopefully this tie this up, regardless of who Buck ends with in the end (because the focus really should be on Buck finally getting the love and care that he deserves in a romantic relationship, or at least getting to end one amicably.)

Anyway tear me apart, ignore me, whatever. IDC anymore.

[errorscriber]

what lies beneath the facade? an observation of kazui mukuhara's face

my attempt on trying to analyze kazui's feelings! (not sure if this has been pointed out yet im sorry if someone made a similar post. this post has very, VERY brief/minor discussion of sui btw)

im sure we all know by now that this is kazui's true feelings about his marriage; he hates it, and shows a self deprecating smile to the audience. i think, that the right side of his face where his bangs are longer is where kazui shows his true feelings to us. im gonna put some scenes where i think it's the most damning (while there are other pics I think applies, they may look like im reaching a little, so I won't share those). this is why in some scenes in half/Cat, you may notice that Kazui's expression can look unnatural where this observation is at play.

hell, even in the Cat album cover here, he covers the side of his face where his bangs are longer. this man is trying his best not to show anyone what he really feels. letting the door itself do the talking, so why should he? signifying that he at least, cannot wait what to show Milgram, to show us, what secrets are behind that door. (but also channeling an air of uncertainty doing so)

as well as in Undercover, i think it's very interesting that the creators make it a point to show both halves of kazui. when his mugshot gets taken, both of his sides are shown to us. one where he's smiling, and one where he's not. notice how his left side is where he's grinning and his right side is where he's serious?

we only catch his serious expression with one glimpse before he realizes he's being observed and quickly shows us a smile. (then during that scene where they show us which location correlates to which prisoner, the light is shining on the right side of his body. also, kazui is the only prisoner where they show both of his side profiles. the others show 3/4 of their faces)

before i continue, thank you so much for reading in advance!! >_< anyways keep marching on and keep reading this cool post of mine!

more pictures where they emphasise on his "right" being his true self in Cat, where his eyes are shown on the start and end.

half:

when I took a closer look at these images... was kazui more unhappy being around the long haired woman Vs him and his wife?

left is kazui with his wife, right is kazui with the long haired woman

this next one really gets me a lot. the most clear cut observation that tells us the other half of his face is where he expresses his true self.

he tears up for one split second, a ball of teardrop forming on his eye. what was something on that stage that made him so emotional?

then he quickly looks away to see something else catching his attention (which was the apple) after he stood up and looked forwards, kazui genuinely looks shocked/surprised.

knowing this observation can also give us a different perspective to some other scenes in half. like this one:

his wife touching his right side of his face. multiple questions pop up in my head when i see this scene.

was she ready to hear kazui out? was she catching onto him that he was hiding a secret/hiding his feelings? or was she trying to comfort that side of his face, as if she was saying "whatever it is you want to tell me, im sure i can handle it." to him?

hinako tries to understand him. tries to "grasp" his true face, his "true self". but kazui can only give a weak, depressing grin, as he gently puts her palm away, balling his fingers around hers. he doesn't know if she's actually ready for it. even though she's gentle with how she holds his "true side".

as we all know, before they zoomed in to this shot of kazui putting her hand down, their silhouettes were blurry. if you weren't close enough, you almost thought she was choking and suffocating him. not only kazui felt like the marriage made him feel like he was in a rut, he was afraid of hinako "suffocating"/disliking his true feelings (or side), even though she is holding it with care. hence why he was putting her hand down.

of course we know it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to turn out, from the next scene here.

kazui is clearly depressed towards the outcomes. at the end of half, his right side is not very happy at all, despite his left side making it look like he's grinning.

everything is all a mess now.

cat:

after finding out hinako wanted to "touch and caress", kazui genuinely seems interested in this thought and was sincere about what he was feeling here, so he pursues her in hopes those feelings are fulfilled. interestingly, the lyrics "so, it's wrong?" are on the screen when he shows the camera his right side.

when he proposes to her, he still remains looking at her in this direction, although we can't see how his expression looks like. unfortunately for hinako though, this is the last time kazui ever looks at her on this side.

during the confession scene, his right side is blocked by the cup, so we actually don't know what he was feeling completely when he asked the question.

after this scene, we can finally see his right side again, but it's well hidden by kazui blocking that side of his face with a hand and cigarette. giving us a sense of mystery of what transpired after he asked the question.

kazui is entertaining his wife with magic tricks while showing his left side to the camera. his "fake" side is what he wants to show to her and to all of us.

but his left eye squints as he realizes about his dream. his left eye squinting is telling us that his fake side is breaking apart. then, kazui drops down to his knees. take note of the rope falling down on his left lap. after getting back up (from what seems like kazui stumbling from drinking 4 cups of alcohol), he rubs the right side of his face. he is really frustrated with himself here.

with all of the information we have so far, we can interpret this as kazui desiring to remove his fake, other half of himself (this is the only object we don't see when kazui is showing off his magic tricks, and ropes can be associated with suicide). he is given a choice to remove his left side, his false side, which is why that rope fell down that direction.

as he's about to tell hinako the truth, he transitions from

> lighting a cigarette, his eyes hidden from us

> kazui facepalming himself. as a smoke in a shape of a noose is formed. remember the rope i talked about earlier?

even though the rope initially landed on his left lap, the noose is angled to his right side. he's grasping his right side of the face as well. this, here, is kazui being ashamed of his "true self". if he could, he would want to remove his true self if it meant having to keep lying to people, or if it meant making people happy. kazui is going through with telling hinako the truth, while this scene tells us he is hesitating to do so and is 100% expecting for it to hurt him and her.

> he lets down his hand.

showing hinako and us, the audience, a very unique expression where he's snide, mischievous... almost mocking, yet at the same time, really depressed and frustrated with it all. from hinako's pose in half touching kazui's "true side", this is his answer; she is not going to like it one bit.

a stark difference in feelings. kazui looks like he's going to say or do something harmful, but his other side tells us otherwise. he didn't want things to be like this. also, it contrasts with the final scene in half very well.

when he bites on the dove, he doesn't look that satisfied doing so.

in this climax, it seems like kazui himself doesn't know what's what anymore, letting the adrenaline of telling his feelings take over him. letting both his "true" feelings and his "lying" self beat him up, because at this point of no return, what difference will his fake and real self make anyway?

i really love how we can't tell if his bloodied lips are frowning because he's shocked, distressed, or if he's grinning ear to ear, happy and glad to have finally told the truth. even in this scene you can tell that the right side of his lips is less happy than his left where his mouth is more elevated and smiling.

what does he feel now after all of this chaos? well, let's look back at his right side of his face again...

the MV ends with this shot of his right eye, slowly zooming in.

empty, emotionless, forlorn, and distant...

it's almost like he's staring and watching something at the sky after something fell down.

[pineapplehazard]

Just finished s7!!! Right on time✨

Now did I cry when Eddie said goodbye to Chris? Yes, yes I did.

But here's my thoughts about the last two episodes:

- Eddie Diaz : the whole thing with Kim was actually crazy of him, but her playing Shannon?? That man has a reason to act like a mad man but girl what are YOU doing?? That was a quick expedition out for Marisol too, Buck and him see to have a way to make girlfriends disappear this season.

- Chris Diaz : valid. I get why he thinks it's better for him to be away from his father for some time, it's probably a good thing actually for them to have space to breath and accept what happened. But the Diaz parents?? Ramon shit talking about Shannon every chances he's giving (he literally did it at her funeral that man has no shame), and Helena acting like she just won lottery, please at least ACT like you're not happy to take Chris from you son. Honestly if my own mom wasn't sitting right next to me I would have been insulting both of them so MUCH.

- Hen Wilson : I'm mad that they were all going to be happy and then that woman whose son hasn't been mentioned since like ep2? comes to take her revenge out of nowhere. When I saw Mara all closed on herself and quiet when Hen visited her that broke my heart😭 then at the end the emotional whiplash of Chris leaving, instantly followed by the Wilsons getting reunited with Mara, ouch (is it like 'a soul for a soul' but with family, like they CANNOT be happy at the same time??), also I know the plot was for Gerrard to come back, but I love Captain Wilson, and I wanted her to take after Bobby

- Chimney and Maddie: they're relatively absent from the final 2 eps so I don't have much to say, I loved Chimney calling Gerrard trash to his face, and I loved Maddie. I just love Maddie.

- Buck : such a good husband for his chaotic dating-the-doppelganger-of-his-deceased-ex husband... He was just so supportive and trying to help, gosh he's just so cute. But MORE IMPORTANTLY where's my angst?? You're telling me Bobby's in a coma, and all we got from Buck (who's basically his son) is one line of dialog AFTER we know Bobby's going to be alright? Sentence immediately followed by an awkward sex joke argh!! My favorite thing about 911 is Bobby and Buck's relationship and I don't know if it's just an impression but i feel like they barely had any interaction this season, I missed them, I need more of them!! Also all things considered Buck had quite a quiet and calm season, which does feel weird and not something that will stick

- Athena : she mentioned Emmett and I was just woop crying incoming! I'm not gonna dwell on the whole cartel thing, I'm sure people already express so many opinions on this, my real question is how many times can Athena break rules before getting a problem with the hierarchy? (ik she did in s1, but since then she's been pulling some sketchy moves from time to time with no problems afterwards). Also ik the house was going to burn but I hadn't thought of the implications, that they would loose all the memories and stuff and that's so sad, I totally get her panic about wanting to get everything that's on her phone to still have SOMETHING.

-Bobby : please bobby never leave the 118, maybe they could handle it but I couldn't, so please don't leave ever.

(-Tommy : whether you ship them or not, the last scene we got of them together (dinner at Buck's) should start an alarm in your brain about their future together, specially once you consider Gerrard's come back. Tommy literally says that Gerrard's the closest things he got to a father figure when he was in the 118, and that it didn't help him be a better person. (ik he's not saying he saw Gerrard the way Buck see Bobby but he still acknowledge that he saw him as a model of some sort), that's the online line 'acknowledging' Tommy's past actions, but also showing that he followed Gerrard's lead, and we know Buck is not going to appreciate Gerrard's way of leading and this definitely could be a big cause of conflict between Buck and Tommy...)

It feels weird to finally be up to date, and to know killer bees will attack LA in two days😭

I FORGOT RAVI!!

He was there for 3seconds but still, I was so happy seeing him, and ik so far it doesn't seem he'll be back in s8 for some time, so I'm devastated

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

So interested to read that story 😊

Thank you so much! 135 or 1k for 🌲 - whatever I reach first!

---

But this? This isn’t like that. There’s no walking this back with patience or determination. The hearing he has lost cannot be recovered. There’s nothing Buck can do. He just has to learn to accept it and move forward.  

Right now, he doesn’t know how to do that. He doesn’t even know where to begin. 

At least he can keep his job. That’s at the forefront of his mind. He’s not really sure how he’d be stomaching any of this if that was off the table. That was the big fear with his leg, and while he’s done a lot of work to extricate his self-worth from his career, it still makes it easier that he doesn’t have to weigh those two things against each other now. 

Buck practices calming breathing on his drive home from the appointment. He needs to not freak out right now. Especially not while he’s driving. 

You are fine, he tells himself, repeating it like a mantra. You’re healthy. You will not lose your job. You have steps to move forward. He lets this loop until he gets home. Then, he enters the quiet of his loft and sort of freezes.

There is a kind of stillness to receiving news you didn’t want to hear. Like an obstacle hits smack in the middle of your course, and everything is brought to a halt. Buck feels that stillness now. He sits on his couch and just… Ceases to operate. He breathes. He feels his heartbeat. He tries to listen to a million little sounds in his apartment, wondering if there are more that he’s missing. 

There must be. That’s what he realizes. There must be

Suddenly feeling the need to squirm, Buck reaches for the television remote and turns on the TV. News highlights are looping. He doesn’t actually care what it is. He just needs something consistently noisy at a comfortable volume that he can focus on. 

Buck tries to relax, listening to the steady voice of the newscaster.

“In a shocking turn of events, a second body of an American citizen has been found outside Katrineholm, Sweden. Arizona resident William Orson was reported missing by family members weeks ago, only to be uncovered by Swedish police. Details on cause of death have not been released.”

“What the fuck?” Buck mutters. Too dark right now. He’s usually interested in true crime and news stories - thank you, Taylor, for that fleeting hyperfixation - but right now, he needs something lighter. He switches channels to a home renovation show. Perfect. 

Buck watches until he feels numb. 

🍂

Eventually, he does know  he needs to talk to someone. Maddie might be his natural first choice, but her, Chim, Hen, and Karen are going through a lot this week regarding Mara’s foster status. Bobby is working on set. So he sends two texts. One to Eddie and one to Tommy. They’re a bit different in tone, he’ll admit. 

To Eddie: I really need to talk. Had a fucked up morning and it’s kind of serious. Can you call?

To Tommy: Are you free at all this afternoon/evening? 

It takes Tommy ten minutes to reply. Eddie never does. 

Tommy replies that he has dinner plans with friends, but can swing by before. Fine. Good. That’s enough time for Buck to explain. As he waits for Tommy to come over, he keeps staring at his phone. As much as he’s glad he can talk to Tommy, he really wants Eddie to reply. Maybe he could just… Be there for him today. But by the time Tommy arrives, Eddie hasn’t even opened the message. 

When Tommy comes in, it’s clear he thinks Buck has invited him over for… Well, for fun. He pulls Buck into a bruising kiss right away, and it takes a second after Buck steps out of it, not matching his energy, for him to notice the upset look on Buck’s face. 

“Evan? What’s wrong?”

“Uh…” Buck scratches his head. “It’s sort of serious.”

“Okay,” Tommy frowns. “Tell me.”

At the thought of speaking it aloud for the first time, Buck’s throat constricts. His eyes well up. It all comes spilling out of him incoherently. 

“When I was seventeen a firework went off over my head,” he blurts. “It-it burnt my coat.” 

Tommy looks at him like he’s crazy. 

He explains everything else. The jet. The symptoms. The appointment. The diagnosis. The hearing aids. All of it. 

“I-I have a follow up appointment in  a few days to get fitted, and… And I’m kind of freaking out,” Buck admits. 

Tommy exhales heavily. “I’m sorry. That’s hard news.”

Buck nods. “Yeah, I… I still don’t know what to think.”

“It’s a risk of the job, I guess,” Tommy says. 

“I mean, yeah… Still sucks that, other than Eddie, I’ve been here the least amount of time and it’s happening to me,” Buck grumbles. “And, honestly? Scratch that, because Eddie has all that time in the army.”

“Are you saying you’d rather this be happening to a team member?” Tommy frowns. Like, sort of judgmentally. “Because you also just said you were kind of an idiot at seventeen.”

Buck shrinks a little.

“Uh, no. Obviously I don’t wish this on my friends, Tommy. I’m saying… It-it doesn’t feel fair.” 

“I don’t think it’s about fair or not fair,” Tommy replies.

Buck sighs. “I know. Can I be upset for thirty fucking seconds?”

Tommy raises his hands. “Sorry.”

“Sorry, I’m just… This is a lot to process.”

“I bet,” Tommy concedes. “What are you going to do about work?”

“I’ve already put in for a leave,” Buck explains. 

“Just a leave?” Tommy asks. 

Buck blinks, caught off guard. “Uh, yeah. Until I’m comfortable with the hearing aids.”

“Not a transfer, too?” Tommy adds.

“A transfer?” 

“Well, yeah,” Tommy replies. “The 118 is one of the most intense stations in the LAFD. It might not be the best place to… Adjust.”

“What are you saying?” Buck demands. 

“Don’t bite my head off, Evan,” Tommy replies. “I’m just saying, it might not be the best place for you anymore.”

[edgeisallelite]

Will Ospreay x Darby Allin under the cut. I got a bit carried away.

Since I've committed to the bit, I was writing out a random idea while it was slow at work. Now I’ve got this. Oops. Apologies in advance, I haven’t written anything properly in forever and I haven’t written anything wrestling related in over a decade. Feel free to shoot me any other ideas for this ship, I love seeing them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been thinking about how the winter here is so much different than it is in England, so Will would probably come to love it, even when it's bitterly cold. He's in the US pretty much all the time now and it's a treat every time he gets to experience it.

This of course then makes me think of how Darby probably doesn't give a fuck if it's freeze your tits off cold outside wherever they are (Detroit, Canada, Minnesota, etc), he's gonna wear whatever whenever. He's not exactly someone who seems to have a preservation instinct of any sort.

Will, the caring himbo he is, cannot fucking stand it. Darby is small and thin and Will is convinced the man is gonna freeze to death because he's too fucking stubborn to wear a real coat. He won't even wear something that isn't sneakers! There's ice Darby, you're gonna break your fucking neck and not from jumping off a goddamn ladder!

First, Will tries a more passive approach. Helpful hints, keeping a closer eye on Darby, pestering him that he won't be good to anyone if he turns into a human popsicle. None of this works.

Will is not a man who gives up easily. Darby is notoriously stubborn. Well, I two can play at that game.

Will starts leaving hoodies with Darby’s stuff in the locker room. Darby, at first, thinks maybe somebody just left their stuff in the wrong place. It doesn’t long for him to catch on though and he isn’t impressed. He simply sets the clothing aside and goes about his business.

Will decides to take another approach. He doesn’t want to look like some sort of creep who goes rifling through other people’s belongings without permission so he makes sure to be quick about it, taking yet another hoodie and shoving it inside Darby’s bag so it’s not visible from the top. It’s silly but goddammit he’s committed to this.

That night, as Darby gets back to his hotel room, exhausted and sore, he isn’t really paying close attention as he unpacks his bag looking for a change of clothes.

The soft fabric is what he notices first. He pulls on it and finds yet another hoodie.

Fucking Ospreay. Doesn’t this guy take a hint? He doesn’t need to be mother henning over him like he’s a little boy.

Darby has to resist the urge to chuck the damn thing across the room. But it’s then he realizes something different about this particular hoodie.

Up until this point, Darby was pretty sure Ospreay was wasting money buying a bunch of hoodies that Darby was downright ignoring at this point because apparently he doesn’t have anything better to do.

But this hoodie, black and very soft with an Assassin’s Creed logo blazoned on the front in white (Darby internally rolls his eyes, what a fucking nerd), has clearly been worn before.

Derby hesitantly raises the fabric closer to his face, inhaling slowly. It smells like him, the bastard. Some sort of cologne. Not the fancy rich asshole type, something more mainstream, comforting almost. A little sweaty but also clean, like he’s worn it right after showering. It’s as if Will is standing right next to him and has just taken it off to give to him. Like he cares about him and there’s something between them. Like they’re together or some shit.

Darby growls to himself. He badly wants to punch Will square in his pretty face.

Some time passes. Will hasn’t seen much of Darby, just glimpses here and there. He has a feeling he’s being avoided, which he doesn’t like. He decides maybe it’s time to back off.

It isn’t until it’s another cold day outside another stadium that he sees Darby for the first time in what seems like that forever. This time, it’s Will who almost falls on his ass in the snow. Though even that wouldn’t stop the grin that spreads across his features.

Darby is wearing his hoodie. He’s actually wearing it instead of just freezing for no good reason. He’s still in thin jeans and some sneakers but Will doesn’t care, he’ll take it.

The hoodie hangs off Darby’s smaller frame but he doesn’t seem to mind.

Fuck, Will didn’t realize he’d look that cute.

Darby notices the bastard grinning at him and approaches, his expression as aloof as always, the hood over his head making him that much harder to read. Still, he stands close to Ospreay, though he doesn’t quite look at him.

“You proud of yourself?”

“Proud isn’t exactly the right word, I’d say. You uh, you do look good though. Maybe you should wear some of my clothes more often.”

Darby has no right moving as fast as he does but within a moment he’s grabbed Will by the scruff of his neck, fingers digging into as much of Will’s blonde curls as he can get his hand on. He yanks Will down to his height.

Icy blue eyes lock with his from beneath the hoodie. Darby bares his teeth and Will is trying to remind his brain this is serious, but all he can think about is how hot this has suddenly become.

“You are so lucky you’re charming or I’d have beat your ass for going near my things.”

Will only hears one thing. “You think I’m charming, huh?”

With his grip on Will’s hair, it’s easy enough to close that distance. Will’s hands reach out to grip Darby’s hoodie in his fists and pull him closer and he doesn’t resist, even as his teeth nip at Will’s lips. Of course his lips are as soft as they look and the kiss sends a jolt through Darby all the way to his fingertips.

A plum of frosty air escapes the moment they pull apart. Will is panting softly, lips flushed red, looking wild eyed. Darby finds that detail rather satisfying.

As Darby takes a step back, his eyes don’t leave Will’s face. “You know next time, if you’re gonna flirt with someone, you could just ask to take them out or something. Like a regular person.”

Will’s brows furrow together. “But you’d hate that.”

Darby’s lips turn up at the corner and he almost looks amused.

“You never know. Strange things happen around here all the time.”

Darby shoves his hands into the hoodie pocket, gaze still lingering on Ospreay before he turns and heads inside. Will can’t help noticing he actually avoids the patches of ice on the ground for once, as if he’s finally heeding Will’s warnings, even if it’s only this one time.

It’s not often that Will’s brain turns off. He always moving, always thinking. But right now, the only thing he can think about is how good Darby would look wearing more of his clothes. Or perhaps none at all.

He sighs. It’s gonna be a long night.

[canichangemyblogname]

Not sure how I feel about the deleted scene drop. I understand 100% why they originally cut it— it’s kinda a useless scene (they would cover or already had covered the same narrative bases in other scenes) that would have thrown the pacing of the episode in a very short season already not renowned for it’s fantastic pacing (y’know… because it’s so short). Plus, imho, the dialogue (writing) comes across as… out of place (if that’s the right word). It’s a bit of an awkward scene. But maybe that’s because I think “shovel talk” (as other fans have called it) over a 34 y/o man is a bit cheugy and I’m also not enjoying the “mother of the 118” role that ABC seems to want to box Hen into (I’m also begging y’all fans to stop calling black women and queer people “sassy”).

I also couldn’t figure out if Tommy was playing dumb or actually that dense, so, at first, the scene seemed— at least to me— like a 180 for a character that has otherwise been portrayed as competent and perceptive. (EDIT: I’ve been leaning toward “he was playing dumb” over “he’s really that dense.” Also, Tommy *does not* strike me as the type to “play dumb” to avoid a question, especially from someone he has a good rapport with, as some fans are suggesting; he strikes me as the type to approach a goofy situation with an old friend with some dry humor. Doesn’t mean my first reaction wasn’t, “🙄 Don’t play dumb, now.”) However, his dialogue did provide some comedy and levity 🤷‍♂️, and I do agree with analyses that paint the whole interaction as a back ‘n forth teasing.

I just personally find the whole “What are your intentions” thing kinda passé and cliche.

So, I’m a bit torn because the scene did also give us:

a second confirmation that Tommy is not pressuring Buck into anything Buck doesn’t want, like a certain subset of fans insist.

confirmation that they’re “taking things slow,” something we know Buck does enjoy. Buck wants his romantic partners to show that they’re also serious about him. He has gone out of his way with previous partners to slow things down or choose people who seem serious about dating. He didn’t have to ask Tommy to slow down like he did Abby or Taylor.

“He’s in ketosis” << literally laughed my ass off, but justice for my man, Buck; he loves carbs. (Joking aside— this is totally in character for Evan “fitness nut” Buckley, who casually talks to men with tape worms in their ass about the best low carb pasta options.)

another confirmation that they’re fucking, and fucking nasty. “I’m letting him set the pace, and I’m just trying to keep up,” is a fantastic precursor to the “God I hope so.” Tommy Kinard— your jokes about keeping up with a younger man are truly unmatched. (EDIT: Yes, I know the line wasn’t inherently about sex, you dorks, and that it can also be a reference to how Buck has seemingly sped run the “pre-dating” phase of his and Tommy’s relationship.)

more confirmation that Buck is into Tommy, and that he shows Tommy this, too.

Edit: I’m also torn about having a less than enthusiastic reaction to the scene because at this point, Tommy is like the Star Wars sequels. There are valid critiques of his characterization, his past, and how he’s been written, but because there is a large chunk of the fandom that cannot argue in good faith and has the most ass-backwards things to say about queer men, I spend more time defending the character from terrible takes than engaging with the source material the way I’d like to. I’d really like to just say what I think without having to fight through bad faith arguments.

[dailydegurechaff]

Honestly, Zettour, Rudersdorf, Ugar, and Lergan all trying to co-parent Tanya is good culture.

Zettour is the indulgent one that's far too much like her for the other comfort.

Rudersdorf is the dotting one enabling Tanya and Zettour.

Ugar is the one that spoils her rotten with gifts and tries to invite her to his family's dinners.

And Lergan is the token responsible one whose attempts at discipline are sabotaged at every turn.

In my eyes, every character in the Imperial Army is just one massive found family dynamic. No you cannot change my mind.

I thought just a bit too hard about all of their differences in trying to take care of Tanya, and suddenly instead of drawing, something else came out. Oops. This isn't edited very strongly, very sorry.

Through the walls, I can hear the sound of voices arguing. It’s getting late, and I really would prefer to be sleeping right now, but here I am listening to the unpleasant sound of annoying old men. This sucks.

“I’m just saying, with the way you act sometimes, I find it hard to believe you have her best interests in mind!”

“Oh would you relax, Lergen? You really need to take that stick out of your ass, I’m only letting her have a little fun.”

It seems that tonight’s two combatants are Colonel Lergen and General Zettour. I sincerely hope it stays between just them, but I get the feeling my hopes are going to be for naught.

“A little fun? You’ve been letting her have unimpeded access to your wine cellar! It’s completely irresponsible—”

“Tanya knows how to moderate herself.”

“Does she now? She’s still just a kid, you know!”

“Well, even if she doesn’t, she’ll only make the mistake once after giving herself a horrible hangover.”

“Have you considered you may end up making her an alcoholic?”

Ugh. I’m not sure why they’re arguing in just the next room over like this. It’s not their intention I don’t understand, I’m pretty sure I get that part. I think they might expect Tanya to feel bad if she overhears them fighting over her, so they’re trying to shelter her from it. It’s a nice thought, even if doesn’t technically matter because I don’t actually care. No, the confusion I have is stemming from their choice of location. Do they know how thin these walls are? I don’t think they do because I can hear just about every word perfectly fine.

“Oh, don’t think you’re completely off the hook, Rudersdorf! While we’re on the subject of things we shouldn’t be allowing Tanya to do, you need to stop bringing her to live fire exercises and weapons tests.” Oh, it sounds like Lergen’s moved onto the next target to harangue.

Rudersdorf is quick to clap back and argue his defense, “What? Why? Do you really someone like her could possibly get hurt watching a few little tests?”

“Yes, actually! Because the second Tanya walks onto the grounds, everyone is clamoring for the famed ‘White Silver’ to participate!”

“That only happened once!”

“Once that you told me! I have it on good authority you keep doing it!”

“Tanya herself said she loves flying!”

“Yes, well, she doesn’t like nearly getting blown up by experimental weaponry!”

“Who told you about that?”

I’m wondering about that myself. Lergen honestly has the tendency to be a bit of a mother hen, so I’d avoided telling him about it. Really, it was also for his benefit as well as mine, the poor guy gets terribly sick when he’s anxious. I thought I was being merciful when I decided to tell only Zettour that I’d recently flown for Elenium Arms again.

Ah, wait a second. Zettour. He’s been suspiciously silent now, hasn’t he? He hasn’t said anything in a while, so he’s probably just listening to Lergen and Rudersdorf argue. Considering he was just getting reamed out for the whole ‘letting Tanya have wine’ thing, he’s probably enjoying the fact that Lergen’s anger isn’t directed at him anymore. I wonder if it was him…

“Oh, Zettour, you bastard!”

Ah, it seems that Rudersdorf caught on to the same realization I did. Now the two generals are going to argue. What a joy. Lergen at least has the decency to keep his volume at normal conversational levels, even if his tone gets rather accusatory. The generals do not have that decency, so this is going to devolve into a shouting match. I really do not want to, but I’m going to have to go out there and tell them to shut up, aren’t I?

Uger, the only person speaking at a low volume and therefore the only person who I can’t hear well, says something unintelligible. Following that, I just barely hear Lergen’s sigh and the resigned words, “Alright, go ahead…”

In the next few seconds, I hear footsteps and then my door opens. Colonel Uger appears in the doorway.

“Tanya… are you still awake?”

“Yes, sir. Did you need something?”

There’s a loud noise, like someone just slammed a table with their fist, and Uger hurries to step inside the room and shut the door behind him. It does very little to mute the din of the argument.

There is a beat of silence as we both listen. Uger looks like he’s cringing.

“It’s uh… Have you been able to hear this whole time…?”

“Yes, I have.”

“L-Listen, Tanya… you should know that this isn’t your fault. They love you, and want the best for you. It’s only because they care so much that they disagree—”

Knowing where this conversation is headed, I cut off the incoming lecture he’s about to give me, “It’s fine. I know they’re only arguing out of love for me.” A bold-faced lie came out of Tanya’s mouth just now. It’s not something I believe at all, but I also know saying that will end this conversation as quickly as possible.

“Right… so long as you understand—”

“Oh, shut the hell up! What would you know about parenting?!” Uger’s kind words are unfortunately interrupted by one of the Generals yelling.

There is another awkward pause.

After a second, it seems like Uger has come up with a resolution, “Uh… You know, Tanya, my daughter has been wanting to see you again. Did you want to have a sleepover with her tonight?”

Yeah, I’ll take hanging out with a toddler over listening to this go on for who knows how long. You know it speaks to the maturity level of those old men that a little girl is more well-behaved than them.

Mind made up, I give him my assent, “Yes, sir, I think that’d be pleasant.”

“Alright, I’ll give you a second to get your things together while I go talk to them about the new plans.” With that Uger leaves the room, a stormy expression on his face.

Ahh, now they’ve done it. You know it’s bad when even kindhearted Colonel Uger gets irritated. It’s because he’s so compassionate that it’s always the worst getting reprimanded by him. If you can manage to piss him off, it generally means you deserve what’s coming.

I hope he doesn’t take too long guilt-tripping them, I really would like to go to bed soon.

[twistthesinews-writes]

The Needle and the Damage Done

Summary: Devil's Minion era. Daniel drinks Armand's blood for the first time. There's no going back now. [1063 words]

Disclaimer: Listen. Don't come at me. I haven't even read Queen of the Damned. I hadn't been planning on writing any fic for these two in the first place. Then I remembered Henning May's cover of The Needle and the Damage Done and something possessed me right in the middle of an online class and uh. This happened. (Whether or not you read this, definitely listen to that cover. Because like. Damn.)

I may have taken significant creative liberties with how it feels to drink vampire blood.

Still in pretty rough shape, I might try to neaten it up, continue it, and post it on AO3 eventually. For now, though, it's gonna live here. Enjoy some fucked up power dynamics and a junkie not-quite-realizing that he's bitten off more than he can chew.

The first time he drank of the blood, he knew he had crossed a line.

Up until then, it had been just another thing to try, just another probably-dumb idea. Dumber than his usual, maybe, sure, but at the end of the day just another step down his not-so-slow but mundanely steady path of self-destruction.

The instant the first drop slides down his throat, he feels the ground disappear beneath him and knows he’s reached that path’s end. What he thought was just another step turned out to be a plummet off the edge of the cliff he always knew, but never truly believed was there.

And then it’s too late.

He grabs Armand’s wrist, drags it to his mouth with more desperation and naked need than he’s ever felt drinking from a bottle, be it liquor or milk. He barely catches the flicker of cold amusement from the creature he does not yet realize he has just become wholly reliant on. For this, he cannot find another dealer. He can’t drop to his knees in the right club bathroom for another hit. Now, to a deeper degree than he even knew was possible, he is an owned thing.

For the moment, though, he isn’t thinking about this. He isn’t thinking about anything at all, everything beyond the instinct to drink, drink, drink stripped from him. He is too far gone to be ashamed of the mewling whimper he lets out when the source of the blood is ripped away from him. He turns his eyes up, wet, pleading, to those of his new master and finds a glinting smile.

“That’s enough for now, boy,” he says. Daniel blinks, slowly, an electric feeling starting to spark its way through his body. Neuron by neuron, his brain begins to come back to life.

“For now,” he repeats hoarsely. “We can do this again?” It’s a moot question. If the answer is no, Daniel will die. That doesn’t feel like melodrama, it feels like simple fact.

“If you’re good,” Armand says, buttoning the cuff of his shirtsleeve.

“Anything,” Daniel breathes. “Armand— I— anything.” Daniel tries to crawl toward Armand on the bed, but abruptly, his tingling arms give out from under him and he falls, landing face-first on the sheets in front of where Armand sits cross-legged. Before he can roll over so he can breathe, Armand’s hand lands in his hair, pressing his face harder into the mattress. Daniel doesn’t resist. Right now, breathing seems superfluous to Armand’s hand on him, Armand’s blood in him.

You’ll never leave me now, will you? he hears in his head. Stars swirling behind his eyes, he shakes his head as best he can. He tries to open his mouth to reply, but the pressure against his face is too great and he can’t draw breath to speak anyway. Instead he thinks, as hard as he can,

No. No. Never. I’ll never leave you, never, never, never— Things are getting hazy, now—maybe vampire blood doesn’t actually absolve a human of his need for oxygen—but even as he begins to lose feeling in his extremities, still all his thoughts are occupied by that one-worded mantra, repeated like a prayer. The stars flashing behind his closed eyelids are blinking out one by one when abruptly the hand against his head yanks him up by the hair. He heaves in a gasp of air, the room suddenly very bright, every desperate inhale carrying sharper, more intense scents than he’s ever experienced before.

“All right,” murmurs Armand, effortlessly flipping Daniel onto his back, stroking his hair as he pants. “All right. How do you feel?”

Daniel blinks up at Armand’s upside-down face. “I… I can hear a woman on the street hushing her baby. She’s speaking… Serbian, I think? Something Slavic. And the Nuts4Nuts guy—he’s just put a fresh batch of peanuts on to roast. I can smell them. Armand,” Daniel says urgently. “Armand, the window’s closed. The window’s closed and we’re on the seventh floor.”

Armand smiles indulgently down at him. “And so we are.”

Daniel closes his eyes and takes another breath. “Is this what it’s like for you all the time?”

All of a sudden, the electricity sparking through his veins meets oxygen and is set ablaze. He leaps off the bed, energy pulsing through him. “Is this how you feel all the time?,” he repeats excitedly. “God, no wonder food tastes like nothing to you—what could compare to this?” Daniel bounces on his feet a few times, then reaches out to yank on Armand’s wrist. “Come on, let’s go!”

Armand arches an eyebrow at him. Pulling on him is like pulling stone. “Go?”

“Yes, come on, let’s go out! Let’s go chase down some dumb guy or get in a bar fight or steal a painting or—or—or anything, let’s just go!” Daniel’s bouncing from foot to foot now, all but running in place. The energy thrumming through him is easily equal to any coke high he’s experienced, and usually he wouldn’t hesitate to strike out on his own at this point, burn that energy off however he saw fit. But somehow the only thing worse than staying still right now is the thought of being away from Armand. Armand, who looks from where Daniel is pulling ineffectively at his wrist to Daniel’s slightly manic grin with a deeply unimpressed expression.

“You’re forgetting your manners, I think,” he says softly. “Is this how you show me your gratitude?”

Daniel drops his hand as if burned. “No, I—I’m sorry—I—I only meant—”

Armand tsk’s softly. Daniel feels it like a knife in his chest.

“I know just what you meant, child. You think I can’t find sufficient outlet for the ancient energy in your veins here, in this apartment? In this very room?”

Golden eyes bore into him, and Daniel finds his sense of fear has been intensified along with everything else. He stops bouncing, trains his eyes on the ground, not daring to meet the deceptively soft gaze of the predator that owns him.

“Of—of course. I mean, what… what would you like to do?”

Silence. Daniel risks glancing up. The danger has dissolved from Armand’s face, replaced by a fond smile.

“Oh my darling boy.” A hand caresses Daniel’s cheek. “Why don’t we go out?”

*******************************************

Fun fact: I wrote the first draft of this by hand in my best cursive during online class. No clue why. I'd meant to take my lecture notes on that paper. In possibly-related news, I suspect I haven't gotten my Adderall dosage quite right yet.

If you've gotten this far, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed <3