#help in a meaningful way when every single thing that can go wrong does every time

[shingekinomyfeelings]

hmm, okay, I'm definitely working myself into a giant ball of stress and should definitely stop and go to bed, but I also want to vent some frustration a little, but I also can't bring myself to talk about issues affecting or adjacent to my real life on here without being wildly vague.

You ever know someone you really want to help and attempt to help, but they seem to be under an actual curse?

[matan4il]

Update post:

The US has publicly stated that it has not found Israel to be violating International Humanitarian Law (IHL), in terms of how it uses its weapons, and not blocking humanitarian aid.

Yet for some reason, that doesn't seem to matter when it comes to how the US is currently treating Israel. At the UN Security Council, for the first time since the start of the war, the US has not used its veto to block a resolution that's anti-Israel. This resolution calls for an immedaite ceasefire in Gaza for the rest of Ramadan (half of this month has passed already), and while it does call for an immediate release for the Israeli hostages, it does NOT make that a CONDITION for the ceasefire. The operation in Rafah, since it hasn't happened yet, is not likely to happen during Ramadan, so the main thing this resolution is calling to stop, is the on going lower intensity fighting in places like the Shifa hospital, where at least 500 confirmed Hamas and PIJ terrorists have been arrested by Israel. In essence, this is a pro-terrorist reolution. The US did abstain, showing it knows this resolution is wrong. It's also meaningful that just a few days earlier, a similar resolution submitted by the US itself, which did make the release of the hostages a condition for the ceasefire, was vetoed by those great beacons of democracy, Russia and China.

Did I mention Hamas praised the passing of this anti-Israel UN resolution? I can't stress this enough, but if a genocidal, antisemitic, Islamist tererorist organization is glad this resolution passed, that should be upsetting to EVERY person who values life out there.

Right after praising the resolution, Hamas also rejected the hostage deal compromise suggested by the US, that Israel had agreed to, which would have seen 40 Israeli hostages freed, in exchange for about 800 convicted Palestinian terrorists let go. Hamas might have said no anyway, but we'll never know for sure what their answer would have been, had this resolution not been passed.

Maybe the most troubling part is that the US insists this UNSC resolution is non-binding, meaning it will have no real effect on Israel's ability to continue fighting during Ramadan. That means, the US abstaining from using its veto wasn't done for the sake of a real chance to help Palestinians. It was a symbolic anti-Israel step, a bone thrown to Israel haters. That's how Israelis understand it, that's how every political player in the international arena (including the overjoyed Hamas) understands it, that's how political analysts understand it, and it should be troubling to everyone, that the US can treat a democratic, self defending, IHL abiding ally this way.

In fact, at least one country is already using this resolution to put pressure on Israel. The President of Colombia has said that unless Israel complies with the resolution and accepts an immediate ceasefire, his country will cut off its diplomatic ties with it.

Just one more thing. This is resolution did not include a condemnation of Hamas and the massacre it perpetrated on Oct 7, and yet the US allowed it to pass. The other day, the UNSC immediately condemned the ISIS terrorist attack in Moscow, which left 137 Russians murdered. Nobody suggested that "context" should be brought into it, like that Russia has itself attacked Ukraine (which Putin has implied is behind the attack), or like that ISIS' animosity originates in Russia's protection of the Syrian regime of Bashar Assad, which caused the deaths of hundreds of thousands, including many ISIS terrorists. In sharp contrast to this, almost 6 months into this war, the UNSC has not yet adopted a single resolution condemning the Hamas massacre in which over 1,200 people in Israel were butchered, many raped, and over 250 were kidnapped and are still held captive in Gaza. This discrimination was called out by Israeli ambassador to the UN, Gilad Erdan. He pointed to another example of such discrimination, by reading the resolution that was passed in 2014, when Boko Haram (another Islamist terrorist group) kidnapped Nigerian girls.

This is 65 years old Rami Shani.

He's a journalist, working for an Israeli radio station. On Oct 7, he happened to be covering a bicycle event taking place in Israel's south, which is why he was already awake and there at 5:30 in the morning. At 6:30, the Hamas attack started. As Rami started getting information about the massacre at the Nova music festival, he abandoned his original task, and started driving in there and getting people out in his car. He said everyone he managed to get out of there was wounded, having been shot in their arms or legs, one woman was shot in the stomach. One of the people he saved was an Israeli Bedouin Muslim Arab, who worked at the party, and was crying as he had been shot in both his arms and legs. In one case, he managed to evacuate 8 young people from the scene while seeing a terrorist squad progressing in his direction. He kept going, until security forces wouldn't allow him to go back in. He saved a total of about 40 people, and has been visiting them in hospitals around the country since then. Whenever you hear anyone arguing that journalists at the scene of a disaster can just keep covering the news, without doing anything to aid the victims, please remember Rami.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[traumacatholic]

I recently got engaged to the love of my life. We are both still very young, but currently there is a possibility they may have cancer. we cannot currently make an appointment with the hospital because its the weekend, and moreover if we can get an appointment it may be months away. Im terrified beyond belief. My fiancé even more so.

I truly do not know what to do. I'm someone who has been blessed in life in that I have never lost someone close to me. My fiancé pulled me out of the worst time in my life when I met them. My connection to God has never been strong despite my family being catholic. I don't even really know how to pray. We have so many plans for the future, to be married and raise a family together. To try and put a little good back into the world. To grow old together.

I am at a loss. Any prayer you can offer would mean so much to me. I would do anything for my fiancé, and though it feels wrong to come back to my faith because something horrible is happening and not for simply wanting to I only hope God can forgive me for it and protect my Love.

Of course, I will keep you both in my prayers. Never feel like you're turning to your faith for the 'wrong' reason, because this can put you off really engaging and connecting with your faith and using it as a pillar and a support network. Please reach out to a Church, even if you aren't currently attending one. And asking for prayers and for help from the Priest. Even if you did turn to faith for the 'wrong' reason, ultimately by spending time in prayer, spending time reading Scripture, spending time going to Church - whatever things you might be doing. Should hopefully lead to you sincerely connecting with your faith in a way that perhaps feels more meaningful to you. A genuine engagement with the faith. It is better to turn to God in times of desperate situations, than to never turn to Him at all. God never tires of us turning to Him for help.

People turn to the faith in different ways, in many different situations. We should never treat the individual turning to God as 'this is the right reason', 'this is the wrong reason'. Anything that could lead to someone genuinely increasing their faith, no matter how slim that possibility may be, should be encouraged. How many cultural Catholics still turn to St Anthony for help finding a lost item? Or a Hail Mary when they're in the hospital waiting room? As the old saying goes 'there's no atheist in the trenches'. And regardless of how 'silly' or 'insincere' or whatever else term we might use that turn to faith might be, God will use it as an opportunity for you to develop or redevelop that relationship with Him. Our entire life is a conversion process. We are always, every single day, choosing to convert to God through repentance or choosing to slip away from Him. Hoping in God, hoping in His power and His mercy and His comfort isn't a bad thing.

In terms of prayers, if you are feeling up for it. There is an Akathist to the Theotokos for healing - particularly for healing from cancer. I know you don't have a confirmed diagnosis, but please don't feel like you have to wait until then to pray this. You can pray it now. This is a long prayer. It is designed to be read all the way through. Don't worry about the names of Troparion or Kontakion, that's meant for people that are chanting the Akathist. http://www.stvladimiraami.org/sheetmusic/akathistvsetsaritsa.pdf Has the beginning prayers, as well as the full akathist. Generally, the first couple of times reading through an Akathist can make it take a long time. But I found through the Akathist that I prayed daily, that eventually it takes a lot less time because you know the prayer well enough. Don't feel like you have to read this every day. Traditionally, Akathists can be said once a day for a 40 day period. You don't have to do it for that long, just as and when it feels feasible. It does also have three prayers at the bottom. If you're ever not feeling up for praying the Akathist, feel free to pray those individually.

I have attached some much shorter prayers under the read more. Feel free to mix and match between them. I would recommend having at least one prayer, that you pray morning and night. If you can, I would also recommend reading a Psalm a day.

Dear Lord, as my loved ones and I await the results of medical tests about my affliction, let us offer you our anxieties for our good and your glory. Calm us in our worries, knowing these don’t add wisdom but rather stress to this situation. Enlighten us, though the power of your Spirit, to make wise decisions as to treatment. Help us not to turn away from You in these fragile, painful moments, but rather towards you for grace and strength. Comfort us in seeking you now as we place all our concerns in your loving hands as we say “Thy Will Be Done.”

--

Mary, health of the sick, you brought forth into our world Jesus Christ, our Divine Healer. In your caring goodness, intercede for (mention name), who is truly in need of miraculous assistance.

If it be God’s will, I ask this day that the gift of healing from all forms of cancer be granted to (name).

Comfort him/her during times of anguish, pain, confusion and despair. Ask our gracious Savior to grant him/her physical health, inner peace and patience in suffering.

May God’s healing graces grant (name) a life of happiness, health and fulfillment here on earth, and one day the joy of eternal glory in His loving embrace.

Amen.

--

Let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy.

O Lord Almighty, the Healer of our souls and bodies, You Who put down and raise up, Who chastise and heal also; do You now, in Your great mercy, visit our brother (sister) (Name), who is sick. Stretch forth Your hand that is full of healing and health, and get him (her) up from his (her) bed, and cure him (her) of his (her) illness. Put away from him (her) the spirit of disease and of every malady, pain and fever to which he (she) is bound; and if he (she) has sins and transgressions, grant to him (her) remission and forgiveness, in that You love mankind; yea, Lord my God, pity Your creation, through the compassions of Your Only-Begotten Son, together with Your All-Holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit, with Whom You are blessed, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

Let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy.

O Lord our God, Who by word alone did heal all diseases, Who did cure the kinswoman of Peter, You Who chastise with pity and heal according to Your goodness; Who are able to put aside every malady and infirmity, do You Yourself, the same Lord, grant aid to this Your servant (Name) and cure him (her) of every sickness of which he (she) is grieved; lift him (her) up from his (her) bed of pain and distress, and send down upon him (her) Your great mercy, and if it be Your Will, give to him (her) health and a complete recovery; for You are the Physician of our souls and bodies, and to You do we send up Glory: to Father, and to Son, and to Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

--

O God, our help in time of need, Who are just and merciful, and Who inclines to the supplications of His people.

Look down upon ____________and have mercy on them and deliver them from the trouble that now besets them.

Deal with ____________ not according to their iniquities, but according to Your manifold mercies, for we are the works of Your hands, and You know our weaknesses.

I pray to you to grant ____________ Your divine helping grace, and endow them with patience and strength to endure their hardships with complete submission to Your Will.

Only You know our misery and sufferings, and to You, our only hope and refuge, we flee for relief and comfort, trusting in Your infinite love and compassion, that in due time, when You know best, You will deliver ____________ from this trouble, and turn their distress into comfort.

We then shall rejoice in Your mercy, and exalt and praise Your Holy Name, O Father, Son and Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages.  Amen

--

[Feel free to pray this one for yourself, and to edit it to be a prayer for your fiancé. From my understanding, when we are praying for someone else, we omit any references to them being a sinner. So you would edit it to 'Be merciful to him/her, O Master. Take from them the heavy burden of despair.']

O Greatly-merciful Master, Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me and cleanse me from every sadness and disturbance and cowardice. Drive away from me every spiritual choking and demonic sorrow, that I sense in my body and my soul. For You are our Joy, and the Hope of all the ends of the earth, and those far off at sea. Be merciful to me, O Master, upon my sins. Take from me the heavy burden of sin and despair. Drive far away from me every sadness and laziness. Confirm me in Your Love, and with unassailable hope and unshakable faith in You, through the intercessions of Your Spotless Mother, and all Your Saints. Amen.

--

[I would recommend this one for yourself]

O Master, Lord my God, in Whose hands is my destiny: Help me according to Thy mercy, and leave me not to perish in my transgressions, nor allow me to follow them who place desires of the flesh over those of the spirit. I am Thy creation; disdain not the work of Thy hands. Turn not away; be compassionate and humiliate me not, neither scorn me, O Lord, as I am weak. I have fled unto Thee as my Protector and God. Heal my soul, for I have sinned against Thee. Save me for Thy mercy's sake, for I have cleaved unto Thee from my youth; let me who seeks Thee not be put to shame by being rejected by Thee for mine unclean actions, unseemly thoughts, and unprofitable remembrances. Drive away from me every filthy thing and excess of evil. For Thou alone art holy, alone mighty, and alone immortal, in all things having unexcelled might, which, through Thee, is given to all that strive against the devil and the might of his armies. For unto Thee is due all glory, honor and worship: To the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen

--

[drgstrcowboi]

the outsiders as subtle but stereotypical zodiac behaviors

S.E. Hinton blessed us by detailing their birthdays so I'm here to curse the fandom with these head canons.

Darry: Capricorn (January 5th)

tells you a small/insignificant story and then asks you about it the next day just to see if you were listening

is a little sad-puppy-type hurt when you don't remember

tries to carry all the groceries in by himself in one trip rather than ask for help

interrupts the gang in the middle of gossiping because it's "none of his business"

gets mad when Two-Bit someone puts the milk back in the "wrong" place in the fridge

asks for the gang's opinion on small things like which black muscle shirt to wear even though they all look the same

Sodapop: Libra (October 8th)

refuses to choose where to go for dinner because all the options sound good to him

breaks up Two-Bit and Pony rough-housing because he doesn't like conflict

starts the gossip sessions that darry interrupts

cuts cake/pie/etc into *exactly* equal portions and takes way too long to do it

picks up on the little things like when someone's coffee tastes off or their shirt tag's itchy

keeps asking what's bothering you even if you're not upset bc he just senses that something is off and doesn't like it

Ponyboy: Cancer (July 22nd)

excessively asks if you're mad at him and doesn't believe you regardless of the answer

offers a detailed solution to a problem when all you wanted to do was vent

never de-clutters his room bc every little trinket/object is meaningful to him

he insists that all the trinkets are organized/categorized even though it looks chaotic af to everyone else, especially Darry

tells stories of small/insignificant moments like they're major life events because it's the little things that matter to him

likes to play chicken with lit cigarettes bc it feels like just the right amount of risky

Two-Bit: Gemini (June 20th)

gives the best hugs and the most hugs to everyone

plays pranks/tells biting jokes but immediately becomes serious/apologetic if he thinks he hurt someone's feelings

comes over to the Curtis house "just because" and refers to it as "our house" and calls the gang "a family"

when he's in a bad mood, it comes on fast. he clearly expresses that's grumpy but can't explain why bc usually it's something stupid

texts everyone to make sure they got home safe but doesn't answer those kind of messages when other people send them to him

likes to talk on the phone. or rather ramble aimlessly on the phone about nothing while someone listens to his lil stories

Steve: Aries (April 15th)

repeats his own jokes bc he doesn't think enough people laughed the first time

takes friendly games of cards, etc. way too seriously/personally and gets loud while playing Candyland or something

tries to drag race with strangers at stop lights just bc he's bored

has a horrendous driving record and is in danger of having a suspended license but doesn't give a single shit

knows everyone in town because he chats them up at the DX, gets their whole life story, and remembers every detail of the conversation

has definitely threatened to dye his hair a weird color and actually followed through with it before sincerely regretting green hair

Johnny: Pisces (March 1st)

never has a jacket on bc he loans his to people when they look cold and then he has to wear Dally's jacket

has a curated playlist of songs that remind him of each of his friends

remembers everyone's birthday and gives the best gifts

but can never remember where his phone, keys, wallet, etc. are

likes to doodle/draw and gives his friends little drawings he does that he thinks they'll like

is late to most gatherings/events and apologizes profusely and is actually sorry but never stops being late

Dallas: Scorpio (November 9th)

the scorpio stare like why can't this man stop staring into everyone's soul like that it's getting a lil creepy

holds grudges for small things like Steve eating the last of the Doritos or Two-Bit cutting him in line at the Dairy Queen

low-key cries during sappy movies like Marley & Me or Coco and tries to hide it by claiming he has allergies or something

types out novel-length text messages and deletes them before he hits send and then gets mad three seconds later bc he wanted to hit send

friendly debates over little things turn into big fights because he low-key can't control his emotions except with Johnny and then he has the patience of a saint

turns casual conversations into deep soul-searching sessions in the blink of an eye bc he wants to know everything about everyone

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, an INTP here. Lately I have encountered a situation which I couldn’t determine whether it is Ne indulgence and I lose track of my introverted functions or if there are other issues behind the surface. I think it would be better to receive some comment on it and I wish you could help.

I have been concentrating myself on academic results more than I used to, I think it is partly out of the urge to strive for a better future, another part of it is that I feel like I cannot fall behind my classmates as I don’t want to seem incompetent to the people around me. This idea grew stronger after my mother claimed that I would end up being a useless member of society because I didn’t have a “proper” attitude towards my academic results. I could be taking her words too seriously but I keep thinking I should prove her wrong. When there’s a task I could mimic an unhealthy ENTJ unconsciously and temporarily. I become hasty, impatient, judgemental, I overlook details so I can get thing done within the least possible amount of time, shut away the monologue I always have in my mind to focus on what I’m doing, disregard others’ opinion because I think my idea is the best. I read theories that a person could act like their shadow when they are stressful, it seems like what I experienced.

At the same time, I spent a lot of energy on socialising with my classmates. I enjoy it at some point, they are interesting people and I think I should pay more attention to them, but when I got time to reflect alone afterwards, I feel fatigued by all the social interactions. After I returned home, all that I am left with is tiredness and I don’t want to speak with anyone anymore, every single sound I hear could frustrate me even if they are simply words of care. I feel a need for rest, but when I do rest I binge watch repetitive Mary Sue stories that pop up on my social media feeds. I know they do not convey deeper meanings, but I am becoming addicted to these meaningless stories that do not require any true thoughts to process and I could shut down my mind.

I believed I maintained a good work-life balance, and this is a good way of life I should continue, but now as I took advice from my friend and spend time on long novels I could truly enter a flow state within, I think I actually overemphasised on external validation and failed to see what I really needed. Returning to the original question, it seemed like I was escaping reality with unhealthy Ne that keeps me wasting time on unproductive things, exploiting my energy to seek out ‘new’ information that are actually repetitive and superficial, forcing myself to open up Fe even when I actually wanted space for myself; but I am not entirely sure about my statement. Thanks for your time and effort, any insights that could be drawn from it are appreciated.

-----------------------

Generally speaking, if you believe you're experiencing Fe grip in part because of misusing Ne, then you ought to develop Ne and learn to use it more appropriately, consult the Type Dev Guide.

It seems you are always being pulled around by things outside you, such as your mother, your friends, or those mary sue stories. What does that mean? Perhaps it means you have little substance and you use those things as a poor substitute. You are like a leaf being blown around by the wind, with no control over where you go.

The remedy to being driven only by extrinsic factors is to nurture intrinsic motivation. Who are you really? What do you really want out of life? What are your values? What do you stand for? What do you have to offer? What about you matters? What greater aspirations or ideals do you commit yourself to? If you can't answer any of these questions, it means you haven't gotten very far in development and, as a result, don't have any meaningful direction or purpose in life. When you have no real identity as a person, how can you be anything but an easy victim of circumstance?

If you want to take more control over life and have a better sense of direction, then start by committing yourself to more meaningful activities, especially activities that would allow you to make the best use of the gifts you've been granted. Yes, there is a difference between "rest" and "escape". You speak as though you have no control over those repetitive activities, but you made the choice to do them, and you're now starting to realize that the "reward" is actually harmful to you. You could choose better activities instead. To realize more of your potential and grow as a person often involves giving up immediate gratification for a greater goal and making tough decisions about how best to spend your time.

[kiaramori]

📓📓📓📓📓📓‼️‼️‼️‼️

Yay! I’m so excited you sent this to me!! One fic idea I often end up daydreaming about is kinda like a megamind!au (with steddie obvs).

Eddie and Steve both were catapulted from their respective planets at a very very young age, to save their lives.

From the beginning there’s a bit of a class issue—Steve’s pod has a masterful navigation system that allows him to avoid debris and land in a wealthy home, where Eddie is rocketed to earth painfully and ends up with criminals (in jail if we wanna follow the movie but i more imagine just in a more realistic criminal’s home)

Steve grows up being given everything he wants (except love, attention, care). He’s given praise in spades when he acts like a boy-scout and saves cats from trees etc

So he begins to associate love with saving others (thus beginning his hero complex)

In the meantime, Eddie excitedly attends school for the first time—only to be immediately discriminated against because of his alien appearance (maybe blue w/horns)(iceplanetbarbarian style 😳)

He has wild experiments and stuff but he’s a kid, they go wrong. Steve defends the other kids and fully slots Eddie in to a villain role in his head

Steve really does see things as black and white, good guys and bad guys.

Eddie has the classic megamind moment of “no one will let me be good, so I’ll just be bad”

CUE METAL MUSIC

“thus our glorious rivalry began! He would win some, I would almost win others” that vibe

The BANTER.

Ok fast forward to the present day.

Zooming in on Steve, he is really struggling actually. He works at the [Daily Planet knockoff] as a reporter alongside Nancy [his Lois lane] and everyone believes that him (as metro man) and her will end up together etc

Nancy HATES being the damsel in distress though. They’ve been on and off again in their relationship mostly for that reason. She is breaking up with him for good and moving to [knockoff gotham] to room with Robin [who did end up having to ditch Steve for similar reasons of being a frequent damsel being too stressful for her]

Also btw in this universe Hopper is Batman. Because he would be.

In the meantime, Steve learns there was another girl from [knockoff krypton] (El) who escaped like he did, but was subjected to government experiments. Finding her, he assumed they would be like siblings, but she wants to stay in her own city and help the people there

Steve is beginning to feel lost and purposeless, as he kind of is forced to wrestle with things bigger than metro city

As they’re breaking up, Nancy does accuse Steve of caring more about his image and helping people on the surface than actually making meaningful change—

In the meantime, Eddie is having a blast plotting against his favorite superhero!

He is building robots, he’s got his trusted minion (intern) Dustin, he is breaking out of jail. He is having the time of his LIFE. He loves his rivalry with Steve. As soon as he’s been beaten, he immediately starts plotting something again (just so he can see Steve again)

Flashback to Steve, who is having his little quarter life crisis

Eddie kidnaps Nancy (who is FURIOUS about it), Steve goes to save her,

And (unbeknownst to Eddie) Steve decides to fake his death officially so he can be absolutely free to prove to Nancy and himself that he can help people and save the world in lasting ways without making himself known.

“OOooo I’m shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots!”

There’s a skeleton moment, Steve “dies” Eddie is horrified but also feels like he should be happy. He can do what he wants now!

“Take the most evil thing you can imagine and multiply it by six!”

Eddie is having a blast (he is) he is having fun, he is making mayhem and…and…it’s not the same. Life without Steve is joyless.

In the meantime, Steve is running himself RAGGED trying to save everyone in the world. He’s constantly on the move, transporting food to places and water, trying to save every single person. He finds horrifying things he has never encountered before in his life

And he’s realizing that things aren’t so easily solved just by punching baddies. There’s complexity in these issues that he can’t solve by himself. And he’s beginning to get depressed by it.

Which is where we find Steve (in his civilian identity) and Eddie staring up at the metro man statue in the museum. (Eddie also in disguise as a human) (have played around with the idea of Jonathan being Bernard and Eddie disguising himself as Jonathan but meh idk if I’d want that or not)

They end up talking and connecting about their respective identity crises and they decide to meet again.

Montage—they date, they’re falling in love. They make each other want to be better. Eddie shows Steve how to reach a little smaller and understand his only worth isn’t saving people, (caretaking vs caregiving lesson). Steve shows Eddie how to find joy in helping people, and learn to connect with people

Eventually OF COURSE there is a big alien bad guy (maybe Billy as Hal, following the movie plot; maybe Vecna as an evil alien, etc)

Before that though, Eddie and Steve’s secret identities are revealed (much to their mutual horror) and they fight and break up.

Eddie decides he’s going back to being evil, when life was easy.

Anyways the big bad appears and Steve “comes back to life” to fight the big bad. But they are slamming him. Maybe they have knockoff kryptonite, either way Steve is on the struggle bus.

BUT THEN EDDIE SAVES HIM.

“Oh you’re a villain alright. Just not a super one!” (What’s the difference?) “PRESENTATION!!!”

Eddie has his hero moment as he saves Steve, beats the bad guy, and wins over the city in the process

Steve and Eddie make up, kiss dramatically, and find a happy balance of saving people and having fun on their own and live happily ever after!

And that’s the fic idea! Pretty fun to write out lol, I hadn’t realized how much I’d thought about it until I was actually writing it out! :)

[vaspider]

'only tenet of TERFism is transmisogyny' EXCUSE ME NO ITS ALL TRANS PEOPLE. They don't want any trans person to exist. What the hell.

Some people just gotta center their own suffering always, even when they're hurting other people by doing so. I've seen this a lot in younger queer folx of all stripes, this need to be the one that hurts the most, you know?

There's a reason the phrase Oppression Olympics exists, and it's because it's a common behavior or phenomenon in oppressed communities. I see it in the disability community, too.

What I think is important to understand when we talk about how trans people suffer under transphobia is that different groups are targeted differently. I'm not the first person to say this, of course.

Now, like, this is very rough sketchy stuff, and each person's individual experiences will vary, but in my general experience, the rough breakdown of the way in which transphobia lands on trans people kind of breaks down like this:

Binary trans women tend to suffer under a lens of hypervisibility. Everything they do is seen, analyzed, and torn apart. Their struggles are generally the ones centered in the arguments of allies, "allies," and transphobes. Even when trans women are the focus of helpful attention, that hypervisibility can cause exhaustion, because they need to perform perform perform, and be perfect, all the time. It's hard for trans women to just be without feeling like they're on camera, all the time. A lot of the time, they are on camera, because trans women's bodily autonomy and right to privacy are just never respected by transphobes (and often by supposed "allies" who feel free to ask the most invasive questions and get upset when trans women won't answer them), and even if they're not literally on camera, they're supposed to perform as the best examples of transfemininity, because if they don't, then they become the next 'look at this bad trans, all trans are this bad trans' example that TERFs point at and use as a broad brush to paint all trans women. If they're not perfect all the time and have a day where they snap at someone while someone is recording, or make a mistake, or anything, it has a horrible tendency to go viral. You can think of at least three instances right now off the top of your head, right? Right.

Binary trans men tend to suffer from hyperinvisibility. This comes from inside and outside the community -- a lot of trans men talk about being told they can't lead in community because they've 'got male privilege,' that their struggles are discarded, that they're talked over and unable to discuss the things they face, which means they don't get the support they need. Now, there are TERFs and transphobes who absolutely do focus their attention on trans men to the exclusion of or to the deprioritization of the oppression of trans women -- that's where we get Tavistock and Irreversible Damage and Fourth Wave Now and all the other bullshit which focuses on the idea that trans men are "transing the gay away," specifically "transing our butch lesbians" and "stealing butches." But again, generally speaking, trans men face harmful levels of invisibility where trans women face harmful levels of visibility. That's why transmascs in general have issues like lack of understanding even by supposedly trans-competent doctors as to how HRT affects our bodies, why trans men (and transmascs in general) report things like transphobes attacking them with transmisogynistic comments and assuming that every trans person online is a trans woman, etc.

Non-binary (here used as an umbrella term for all identities outside of binary man/woman, to include agender, genderfluid, non-binary, and infinite other identities) AFAB people tend to suffer from a different, very specific form of hypervisibility, unless they start to appear too masculine, and then they slip into hyperinvisibility. This is where we get things like "women and non-binary people" that codes all non-binary people as "AFAB people I can sort of squint and view as women," and people who fall into this category tend to get a lot of attention, a lot of derision from all sides of the spectrum. This is the "blue-haired tenderqueer" sneering that we get from both within and without the queer community, where there's an assumption that these people are just cosplaying an identity, that they're not really trans, etc. Having been in the visibility category and slipped into the invisibility category within the last, oh, year or so, and having two binary trans women in my family to compare notes with, the experiences are unnervingly similar. The difference between the experience that those women have had and the experience that I have had is that according to transphobes, I'm a traitor to my womanhood and performing femininity wrong and taking on a fake identity to escape female oppression because I'm not strong enough to bear up under it, but too cowardly to become a trans man, or... something, whereas they're taking on a fake identity to sneak into women's spaces because they're perverts.

Non-binary (umbrella identity etc) AMAB people tend to suffer from their own very specific form of hyperinvisibility, unless they start to present "too feminine", and then they slip into the hypervisibility which affects binary trans women, but with a little different fuckery in which everyone just assumes they're a trans woman, and therefore they get misgendered by everyone across the spectrum of queer/non-queer/etc. Non-binary AMAB people are generally treated like they don't exist, and when they are spoken about, are often discussed in the context of 'they should just admit they're trans women or gay men,' or if they present 'too feminine,' are subjected to the same sort of horrific attention that trans women get.

Again, a lot of this is very simplistic, and doesn't add in a lot of other complicating factors like race, disability, class, etc. Trans men of color, for example, can run into a different sort of hypervisibility because as they move further through their transition, they begin to be seen in the world as a man of color. It's not really mine to speak on beyond that, but I don't want to neglect saying 'this is really really simplistic and there's more to it than that' over and over.

I really hate breaking it down this simply because it feels like creating another binary (our society does like a binary!) for non-binary people, but like, I can't really talk about my shared experiences with other trans people without putting some framework around it. Someday, I'll be able to do that without categories. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I think we do our entire community a huge disservice when we talk about transphobia as if it's a single snake trying to take bites out of only one part of the community, and not a many-headed hydra, able to attack us from multiple different directions. I also think that focusing on one form of oppression keeps us from forming meaningful solidary and coalitions; the more divided we are, the easier it is for the people who literally want us all to stop existing to pick us off one by one. We see this all across the queer community and it's only ramping up as the attacks on our community escalate from without; people tend to turn on the ones closest to them when they get really scared, and to blame the person standing next to them for the pain they're suffering. It's the "close enough to hit" phenomenon, and it's why we see ridiculous things like "bi women make cis men think that lesbians can be won over," rather than acknowledging that bi women aren't the ones causing that: cis men are the ones causing that. The bi women in that case are close enough to hit. Transmascs are close enough to hit. Trans women are close enough to blame for the problems of transmascs, which makes it possible for TERFs to lure transmascs in and attempt to detransition them, subjecting them to gaslighting and manipulation and then using them as sock puppets.

TERFs do focus a lot on transmisogyny. They focus a lot on transmisandry, too. Debating which one is more prevalent and 'worse' not only misses the point, because transmascs and transfems face very different and totally rotten attention from cis society as a whole, including cis queers. We need to like, not do that anymore: we need to give each other the space to talk about our unique circumstances, but we also need to work harder on looking at each other through a lens of solidarity and trying to see that our struggles are different but not unrelated, and that if we keep downing on each other like this, we're not going to get anywhere except in a much more difficult situation as the people who don't want any of us to exist keep picking us off.

[meyhew]

would advice would you give to everyone?

well eye am by no means an expert on anything in life but from my personal experience i’d say the following

treat people to food. doesn’t matter if they’ve just had something good happen to them or they’ve been laid off or they’ve lost a loved one or they’re in a rough place mentally—food helps. give them a day where they don’t have to worry abt what’s for dinner. take them out, deliver a home cooked meal, give them coupons, whatever. the most meaningful thing someone ever did for me was drop off freshly baked cookies after a family member died.

let people know you’re there for them. i know a lot of us say it to friends and family, but actually show them you mean it. give them flowers once in a while if you can, hand-write a joke and mail it to them if possible, text them if you see smth that reminds u of them, check in with them even when you don’t think you need to. make them feel comfortable coming to u

believe in something greater than urself. for me it’s god, for you it can be something else. it helps to keep my head on straight and not feel helpless when everywhere i look there’s so much cynicism and so much going wrong

be kind but don’t let others walk over you

listen to people

connect with nature. maybe hiking isn’t your thing and it doesn’t have to be. watch a sunset. touch some flowers. feed some birds. listen to the rain. i cant explain what it does but it is good for the soul

keep a journal. whether you keep a record of every single day or just write down big things every week or only write when you’re happy or when you’re angry—keep track. it’s good to look back on the ways in which you’ve changed and stayed the same.

fall in love with books

be kind to children and the elderly

don’t let your struggles harden you. stay gentle

[prettyboykatsuki]

♡  bakugou headcanons that feel like a warm hug ♡

➳wc ;; 1.2k (oh my god. what is wrong w me.) 

➳ a/n ;; or my bakugou brain-rot that never goes away. thanks for being my comfort character, you fucking gremlin. forgive the silly title. 

♡ always makes little adjustments to the environment for you. he’s observant to a fault so if there’s something even a little off and it happens to bother you, he’s trying to work around it. 

♡ good at playing guitar but not good at reading music. he can throw something together if you give him a chance but he’s not good at trying to recreate someone elses memory. he’s not like.. musically gifted either but he likes how guitar sounds 

♡ thinks about getting a lot of piercings in his ear because he thinks they’d look cool but is kind of too nervous? the idea of a needle going through his skin is a ick. when you start dating, he drags you to his appointments lol - won’t admit it but he thinks he looks so hot when he gets them. takes a bunch of selfies <3 

♡ needs to be moving constantly. can’t sit completely still to save his life. when he listens to music, he moves his head. sometimes he just runs his thumb over his fingers. 

♡ really, really bad at talking. not in the sense he can’t communicate (that too) but he just likes listening in conversation. rarely adds his own thing. but when he does - always accidentally says something super meaningful 

♡ enjoys subtle physical touch because it is literally intimate he melts inside. a hand on his forearm or shoulder. your legs over his lap. small things that show how comfortable you are. 

♡ likes being held cause he’s a big ass baby lmfao 

♡ wont admit it but enjoy when you choose pretty or colorful bandages for his cuts he won’t himself but it’s like keeping you in his pocket wherever he goes.  

♡ really needs you to find him attractive dslksjk it’s not that he ever thinks he’s particularly ugly. but he didn’t really assign importance to his appearance at any point in his life, yet now he puts in a scary amount of effort. readjusts his hair so much more, makes sure his clothes fit good. fixes his fuckin’ face lol 

♡ likes chewing gum a lot and always has a pack on him. really proud of how big he can blow bubbles and will be a little sad if you’re unimpressed. 

♡ is overly sentimental about things you’ve made him - especially if it’s something super dumb. you drew him a silly little sketch of him in a frog hat? it’s in his wallet behind his id. freaks out when he thinks he’s lost his wallet 

♡ LOVES phone calls. yes he still hates talking. but the way his face looks when he listens to your voice. eyes half-lidded, shamelessly smiling - it’s so tender and so lovesick. 

♡ terrible first grader hand-writing. he tries to write them for you in the beginning of your relationship (to be romantic or some shit) but they’re so incomprehensible pls. if he focuses on it - it can be legible but most of the time ... yea no. 

♡ doesn’t favor tea or coffee but prefers tea if he has to drink one. 

♡ crazy good at eyeballing measurement. even in baking. once made a perfectly good bread without weighing anything and doesn’t get why that’s so wild. 

♡ has the phone on his text set to be bigger even though his eyes are fine. 

♡ lets you do the layout thing on his iphone and decorate as you please. says he doesn’t care but when he sees you made it hero themed/fit with his aesthetic - he got so red it was so cute. 

♡ hates shopping in store. will still always go with you because the one time you went alone a store clerk hit on you.  

♡ so practical. he started couponing when he was in his early twenties like an old man. checks the news and weather the night before, every night. never misses doctors appointments. 

♡ shit at any form of visual art. drawing, painting etc - cannot do it to save his life. but he tries. his hands shake when he tries to draw hearts for you 

♡ blows the eyelashes off your cheek super gently whenever he notices. he’ll like.. take your face in his hands and blow so softly like he’s gonna hurt you. 

♡ used to agree to make pinky promises with you as a joke. now though? automatically holds his pink out for you to take it. straight up pouts if you don’t. 

♡ you two have a song and when it comes on, he’ll sing it back to you. any other time? any other song? he wont. but he always sings your song even without realizing, just mouths it. 

♡ enjoys when you put your hands under his shirt and just leave them there and hug him like that. skin to skin contact is elite but only from you. 

♡ hamsters adore this man. they just do. 

♡ draws frowny faces on your eggs with hot-sauce 

♡ soul leaves his body when you play with his hair and scratch his scalp. the tension in his neck literally disappears and he just sighs that shit relaxes him like crazy 

♡ the first time he says i love you, you’re tying his tie for his first hero event. you’re telling him to that the color looks good on him and you’re smiling. it honestly it just slips. he went on to win an award that night. 

♡ his favorite memory of the two of you was when you were trying to leave the grocery store one afternoon. it was raining heavy as shit. you pulled him in under your clear umbrella and just stood there. he doesn’t know why but that means a lot to him. 

♡ cares a lot about his dads approval on his work specifically. him and his dad have a really specifc bond and he actually admires him quite a bit. 

♡ nothing makes him cry like “im proud of you”. especially when it’s for something small. it’s just something he didn’t hear enough in a sincere way. 

♡ likes fruit flavored sweets over chocolate (generally needs something to do w his mouth cause it helps him think. bad oral fixation) so he keeps little candies on him 

♡ shit at video games. terrible at them with the exception of mario kart? for some reason. 

♡ always loses his keys 

♡ stutters every!single!time! he tries to compliment you. it’s been YEARS. 

♡ takes a melatonin gummy before bed and always drinks a glass of water 

♡ buys you flowers and keeps them too. like does the upkeep on it and replaces them if the wilt. suggests pressing them to keep them for longer. 

♡ lowkey cries really easily. he just gets overwhelmed w his feelings some times and it makes him cry even if he doesn’t want too. you and the bakusquad are sworn to secrecy over it though 

♡ wears his ring around his neck on a chain bc it’s easier to show off. 

♡ naturally good at doing hair! 

♡ likes sneakers but wears dr. scholl's because he walks a lot and is on his feet for most of the day w his job. just being careful. 

♡ loves u a lot <3 

[dimayeon]

ʟɪᴘ ʜᴜɢɢɪɴɢ 101 — ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs

synopsis — how do the boys kiss you?

characters — artem ; marius ; vyn ; luke

warnings — may or may not turn into steamy town IM LOOKING AT YOU VYN AND MARIUS?1!2?2! also its shorter hcs tis time bc i usually only write two at a time sob

ᴀʀᴛᴇᴍ ᴡɪɴɢ.

— he's one of those types where he has no idea what the fuck he's doing, but once he knows what the fuck he's doing — he knows what the fuck he's doing

— it won't come as a surprise to say that artem's a novice in love, nor would it come as a surprise to say that artem has no idea on how to kiss.

— he tried turning to google, but it only ruined it for him instead

— "am i supposed to eat their face out???"

— trashed google figuratively — it isn't good for reliable sources OR tutorials smh

— though, after much trial and error (do NOT ask him where and how he practiced), he was able to experience just how great it could really be.

— SOFT KISS SOFT KISS SOFT KISS

— this bb does not want to hurt you even if it's just lip hugging :'( omfg he's so precious i caNT

— often has a hand at the small of your back and the other hand gently cupping your neck to angle towards him

— kisses you as if you're made out of glass, touches so feathery and gentle and sweet and soft

— you will forever remain confident that there is nothing more meaningful

ᴍᴀʀɪᴜs ᴠᴏɴ ʜᴀɢᴇɴ.

— this bitch i swear

— he think hes the master of all masters and will have your knees incredibly weak, and that no kisses from him WON'T turn into make-outs

— the most infuriating part is that he's right

— he gently nips your bottom lip then soothes the sting with his warm tongue, cupping your jaw or even taking your chin and forcing you to face upwards (gently, though), and you fucking bet he's kabedon-ing against the wall glass panes of his office in pax

— bro he'd totally try to go for that string of saliva when he pulls away bc he thinks its cool hELP

— always tries to carry you bridal style every single time his lips press against yours at some point in the kiss (THAT ARE SO ANNOYINGLY SOFT WTF MARIUS WHAT ARE YOU USING???) and your hand usually smacks his arm away as a sign to not push the limits

— though, there are a few rare times when he actually is successful at carrying you and that's when your knees can literally cannot work anymore from how powerful and intoxicating his kisses are

— can and will always leave you breathless in the best way possible

ᴠʏɴ ʀɪᴄʜᴛᴇʀ.

— his kisses is what i'd describe as baiting the prey...

— then going for the kill.

— it's kind of like a mixture between artem and marius, except he's far more aggressive than marius if he wants to.

— this sussy bitch istg

— there are times when you actually feel lightheaded at times from the intensity of his kisses, when he places a hand on the back of your head and the other arm looped around your shoulders and his other hand resting comfortably on your shoulder cap

— he knows exactly how to push your buttons in the most wrong and right ways possible, knowing how you react to certain things — knowing what'd you be like mentally during and after the kiss.

— he's not only a genius in psychology but also at kissing

— move out of the way maribitch, vyn's taking your throne

ʟᴜᴋᴇ ᴘᴇᴀʀᴄᴇ.

— oh, luke.

— it's mild kisses.

— not that there's anything wrong with mild kisses, rather it is quite endearing and cute, just like he is.

— his kisses are honest, loving and soft. not quite as gentle as artem is, not as aggressive as marius, either—right in the middle. yet somehow, he manages to hit your sweet spots.

— the way he caresses your lips with his is just like his personality. sometimes clumsy yet playful, confident but earnest — and ever so loving.

— nothing to mention that has the word "bitch" in it this time. he wants to make sure that he treats you as if you're his world (and you are, literally) but he isn't the most experienced in terms of kisses compared to someone like vyn.

— ok im going to tease him a little, he dEFINITELY PRACTICED ON HIS FUCKING PILLOW I CANTHWNEHQRHWKEJ

— ahem, all jokes aside

— you might need to see the dentist more often from how sweet luke and his kisses are.

dimayeon © 2021

all rights reserved.

[awaysantiana]

in this essay i will--

i’m a massive blackhands shipper and while it’s hard to make the argument that izzy isn’t in lustful, stabby love with blackbeard, i’m utterly fascinated by the prospect of an aspec and/or arospec izzy hands. jenkins, after all, never specified that it was romantic jealousy that was motivating izzy, so i’m going to take it and run with it as far as i can. platonic bonds can be just as deep and fucked up and profound as romantic ones if you let them, and since gay villainy is in vogue right now, i’d like to suggest some ace/aro villainy to accompany it as well. with footnotes!

(disclaimer: saying “aspec and/or arospec” every time is going to get tedious, so i’m going to refer to it plainly as either asexuality or aromanticism depending on whether i’m specifically talking about sex or romance.)

tl;dr izzy is living out an aro/aspec person’s worst nightmare and he’s not helping things by making it everyone else’s problem.

his essence as a character +  his role in the narrative just lends itself to an aroace interpretation so well. i’m not trying to make the argument that he Is, just exploring what it would add to his character and arc if he were. there’s just so much to explore here and i’d gladly do a scene-by-scene analysis of every single Izzy Ace Real moment if i respected myself less. if anyone does have questions, needs clarification, or just wants to discuss it more, my office hours are on the syllabus.

his role in the narrative is to be a monster. as the antagonist, he’s supposed to exist outside the heroes’ world and challenge its order. he perceives the world in a way that’s irreconcilable with the reality that’s agreed upon by the protagonists and so must be defeated and destroyed. obviously viewing him as gay is a perfectly valid take, with his monstrousness stemming from his repression and rejection of community rather than the fact that he’s attracted to men (since everyone here is already gay). but there’s a bigger framework to explore that encompasses everyone in the show: romance.

aromantics exist outside of the established framework of what romance is. their existence threatens the idea that love is the defining factor of a person’s humanity and the raison d’etre. asexuals pose a similar threat to views that sex is natural and that all healthy individuals have a biological/evolutionary imperative to perpetuate the species. like being attracted to the same sex or having a gender that doesn’t seem to match your physical body, not experiencing attraction is considered monstrous to greater society. OFMD obviously doesn’t see being gay or trans in that way, but there’s no guarantees for aromanticism*, especially given the fact that the show is first and foremost a romance.

this is where all that meta talking about how izzy is in the wrong genre comes in.

he’s not in black sails, he’s in muppet treasure island. he’s not in a drama, he’s in a comedy. he’s not in an action series, he’s in a romance. it’s possible he could have squeaked by in a show where romance isn’t the Point, where things like duty and achievement and fraternal connection make up the heart of the story**. because izzy fundamentally sees love differently from the other characters in OFMD-- love and duty and work are all the same thing to him. this is why he constantly brings up the fact that he’s edward’s first mate and that he’s beholden to him. to izzy, “he’s my captain” carries the same emotional weight as lucius saying “pete’s my boyfriend”. friendship, to put it crudely, is his romance, since he only experiences one of those in this reading. he might have been drawn to a sailing lifestyle because of the platonic camaraderie it promises, specifically a type of camaraderie that’s valued by society, and seen as more meaningful than friendship without being equated to romance. no one here is going to ditch you for their spouse and no one is going to accuse you of being In Love when you say you’d die for them. to izzy, weddings are fripperies that end in divorce, flings are pointless distractions, cuddles and kisses and pet names are mindless performances meant to prop up a relationship built on mere attraction. but a shared dream of being the most notorious pirates in the atlantic, fighting for that, killing for that-- that, to him, is the highest form of love. who needs kisses to prove your devotion when you’ve killed dozens of people for them? who needs sex when your souls are in lockstep?

obviously, no one else in the show sees it that way. stede/ed, and lucius/pete see love as something that goes hand in hand with sex and romance, and generally exists separate from their lives and aspirations as pirates. even jim, the most duty-obsessed character in the show after izzy, is able to love oluwande without conflating their relationship with him with their life’s mission. izzy’s seen as uptight and cruel and bossy because he can’t loosen up, he doesn’t Get that he’s interrupting a Tender Moment because he needs someone to steer the ship. his desperation to keep edward by his side is portrayed as possessive and largely pointless, instead of still-dickish but understandable***.

it’s not inherently bad that he sees things that way, but it’s 1717 and there is no language to articulate what he feels, and the wound that creates festers and grows into bitterness, spite, and directionless anger spewed in every direction. difference -> ostracization -> loneliness -> bitterness -> monstrousness, and izzy goes from narrative alien to villain.

let’s talk about simpler things.

as a person, beyond his role as a villain, he stands out. he’s the only big character who isn’t confirmed to have any sort of entanglements, past or present, sexual or otherwise. he doesn’t pursue other people even when other people have blatantly offered, and his Thing for blackbeard is mostly subtextual or word-of-god and there really isn’t anything to indicate, in text, that it’s romantic or sexual in nature. now obviously there is some femmephobia/slut-shaming rattling around inside of him (most obvious wrt lucius) and that’s Not alright, but in an asexual reading, a lot of his disgust can be seen as a result of sex repulsion and seeing attraction/relationships as frivolity rather than any specific hatred towards gay men. not saying that that makes it okay, of course, just that the rotten fruit fell from a different tree, and people can absolutely be asexual and be dickheads with a superiority complex which looks especially bad when directed at gay people.

edward, meanwhile, has had relationships in the past before, ones that izzy just tolerated more than anything else. we know he’s an emotional chameleon with a short attention span and we know that izzy is aware of that, and there’s been meta on how izzy prides himself on being The One Who Stayed, the best friend who tells him not to text his ex and holds his hair back when he’s throwing up drunk after he gets dumped. he’s fine with edward having his Dalliances so long as he comes back to izzy once the relationship inevitably goes down in flames so edward can need him and izzy can get him out of bed, bring him lunch, say “i told you so”, and internally grumble about how attraction and attachment makes people stupid and preen himself over that because he’s Built Different. stede, however, is different, and edward might actually have found The One, and he no longer needs izzy because edward’s not miserable for once, and he’s fine with no longer confiding in izzy without a second thought because he’s just a friend, just a first mate. he hadn’t considered that izzy needed him, and what was just-anything to him was izzy’s whole world.

his relationship with edward is a familiar one to a lot of aromantics-- losing your closest friend to a partner who no longer has the time for you because you were an emotional placeholder while they waited for The One. once they find The One, there’s far less room in their life for you, and all the time and attention that you gave to them seems to have disappeared from their books, and the support they gave you in return dries up and they expect you to wipe the past from your books as well. it’s especially hurtful when the friendship was as long as theirs and they both depend on each other that much (and i’ll argue that it crossed the line into codependency many times in the past****). there’s a similar line of thought for asexuals having partners that claim they were fine not having sex but turns out they were lying to themselves and to you. to izzy’s eyes, being made first mate and being edward’s best friend was a promise of commitment, and maybe edward even saw it that way too when they were starting out, but that fizzled and warped and faded into the resentment and bitterness we see by s1. edward becoming interested in stede and wanting to give up piracy/izzy is the final betrayal for him.

izzy’s an awful person but you could never say that he wasn’t loyal and extremely accommodating, to a fault. especially since it’s pretty clear that ed takes izzy for granted and happily takes advantage of the fact that he’d always come crawling back to fix his messes because he does love blackbeard that much. i like edward a lot, i really do, but he’s callous with izzy in the few ways izzy doesn’t deserve. friendships don’t have the social value that romances do, and the nuances of lopsided/fizzling/unhealthy friendships rarely get explored or validated in media, and most of the time, one is just left hanging because their feelings aren’t even worthy of conversation half the time. there’s a sort of desperation in izzy’s attempts to keep ed by his side  because he knows he has nothing new to offer him; not novelty and reprieve (in-text), nor romance and physical affection (in this reading). but stede can do all that, effortlessly, and so izzy hates stede for being everything he can’t be. he spends the entire season fighting against his growing sense of inferiority and irrelevance in edward’s life.

also, he’s got a spade tattoo on his hand. i rest my case.

---

* which is why i actually don’t want this hc to become canon, not unless they lean hard into redeeming izzy. i don’t think the writers would ever deliberately be aphobic, i trust them with my life and nothing they’ve done so far would suggest that, but the narrative would instantly become aphobic the second they confirm aroace!izzy without also making him sympathetic.

** he’d probably still be the odd man out-- a little too loyal, too invested in his friends, a little too uninterested in proving his Prowess in that manly fashion, that’s the inherent queerness of asexuality and aromanticism for you. asexual subtext can look extremely similar to homosexual subtext, and it’s especially ambiguous in media that don’t feature both same- and different-sex attraction, which is most of them.

*** fanon is obviously more sympathetic, especially in interpretations where izzy is in love with blackbeard, but i’m only talking about actual canon and things that have been explicitly confirmed by the text, not word of god.

**** i do think they had a much healthier relationship in the past, and were genuinely good friends. izzy absolutely prefers abuse over neglect but i don’t think he started out that way-- he’s got a spine, even when it comes to edward, the one person he’ll compromise himself for.

[sserpente]

Raw Desire

Synopsis: Something is wrong with him. Something none of the Avengers, including Thor, understand. When Loki turns into his Jötun form unwillingly and begins to act in a very primal and aggressive way, their solution for the problem is to lock him up in a cell below the compound until it’s all over. It’s a disease, perhaps, one which only Frost Giants can develop. Only Loki is not sick. Loki is in heat--and his Jötun body will not rest until his most carnal desires have been satisfied...

Words: 9176 Warnings: Jötun!Loki, smut, fluff, symptoms of addiction

A/N: You wanted some Jötun!Loki, I wanted some Jötun!Loki... so here we go. Enjoy, everyone! 😏

Additional NSFW Warnings: breeding kink (a little bit, anyway), Loki is in heat (kind of, duh), lack of aftercare (at first...)

-

His antagonising scream tore through the entire compound. You flinched, alarmed. Loki. The heart-breaking sound of pain tugging at your nerves was followed by a loud thump—like a heavy metal door falling shut, locked for good. It had come from the cellar, where the Avengers stored weaponry and ammunition; along with provisory but secure prison cells of Wakandan technology for criminals until they could be handed over to the authorities.

When you reached the source of the rousing noise, you almost knocked straight into Thor. His muscly back resembled a thick fleshy wall that would break your bones if you collided with him with too much force and speed.

“What happened?” Out of breath, you moved around him—facing the culprit of the commotion. The eerie flickering camera right outside the cell door showed Loki knocking his fists repeatedly against the metal door. His knuckles were already bloody from the repeated impact, yet the door would not budge. Much more concerning, however, was his appearance. Loki’s skin—every inch revealed to the naked eye anyway—was blue, his otherwise enchanting blue eyes sparkling with mischief of a deep blood-red. Countless, unique and fleshy lines formed a complex pattern on his arms and the back of his hands, even his face and neck. Your lips parted, both in shock and surprise at what your eyesight had revealed to you.

“He’s losing his fucking mind.” Tony responded for Thor before the Thunderer could even open his mouth in defence. He came tramping into the room as mad as you had never experienced him, tapping away on a tablet in the process. “I told you it was bad idea to bring him back here, Point Break! What were you thinking?”

“Can anybody tell me what is going on?! Why is he… like this? Is he in pain?”

“In pain?! He almost killed Nat. If Wanda hadn’t interfered…” Tony did not finish the sentence—regardless, the threat of what consequences there would have been for the God of Mischief was clearly audible.

“This was unlike him. He had no reason to…”

“No? He pounced on her like a… like a…”

“Beast?” Bruce added matter-of-factly. His hands were in his pocket when he approached the scene and patted Thor on the back in an attempt of providing comfort.

“Maybe… maybe this isn’t his fault, Stark. I know my brother, he’s never acted like this before!” The God of Thunder roared in defence, his arms crossed.

“Yeah,” Tony retorted sarcastically. “You know your brother so well he even tried to kill us all. Three times. No. This man is evil. Look at him!”

Petrified, you risked another peek. Loki was downright animalistic, his fists still working the metal cell door. He was getting weaker, worn out—like the fire in his red eyes was slowly being extinguished to make way for weariness. There was something primal in his behaviour; something raw. You would be ignorant to deny it scared you.

“Tony,” you began, forcing your voice to cease the shaking, “What happened? Why did he attack Natasha? Was he hurt?” Your sudden concern for him was going to give you away. No, not sudden. It had always been there, hidden just beneath the surface of your heart. You had only kept it a secret because… because what?

Loki did not know you had been harbouring romantic feelings for him for a significant amount of time now. Dark, tall and mysterious, he matched not only your type but had hopelessly captured you with his melancholic and lonely nature, the grief in his stunning blue eyes. You refused to believe that Loki was evil, that he had ever truly wanted to harm his brother; and you were desperate to be his friend… and even more than that. But the God of Mischief had hidden his heart behind such a hard shell that you were worried you might never get him to open up to you.

You would by no means describe yourself as an altruistic person—but there was a both enamoured and depraved part of you which desired, longed, for him to like you back.

“Talk to me.” You stated, tilting your head when he flung his dagger at one of the battered punching bags in the training room.

“What?” He sounded almost scornful when he spun around to gift you an incredulous look.

“Talk to me, Loki. I want to know what’s going on in your mind. I thought I was… you are always so distant. You disappear in here every other night, you snap at everyone trying to speak to you. You look nervous, like something is trying to break out of you.” Like you are trying to get rid of monstrous amounts of bottled up energy, you added silently. “You seem so restless. What’s wrong?”

“What concern is that of yours?” He spat.

“See! That is exactly what I meant.”

Loki growled. “What do you want from me, (Y/N)?” You flinched when he used your full name as opposed to the nickname everyone called you by.

“Why? Why are you screaming at me, I’m just trying to help! Don’t you get it, Loki? I care about you. And I care about what you think, even if I am probably the only one in this bloody compound who does.” Now that was unfair. But it was also the truth. “Why are you pushing me away? Let me in…”

Desperately, you moved forward in an attempt to reach up and cup his face, only for him to grab your wrists and pull them away harshly.

“Let you in? All I have ever received in return for ‘letting someone in’ was hurt and hatred. Give me one good reason for why I should open up to you,” he mocked, releasing your hands as if they would burn his fingers if they lingered on your skin for too long. “Tell you about my sorrows.” Sorrows. He had sorrows.

“I am not them.” You simply said. “Not any of them. I am not Odin, not Thor, none of the Avengers.”

Blinking, you snapped out of your memory. You had had this tragic conversation only two nights ago. No matter what you had said, he would not tell you what was on his mind. Now you knew.

“Something is wrong with him.” You interrupted the discussion, one you had not paid any attention to, by silencing them with a loud and determined voice.

“You don’t say?”

“No, Tony, you don’t understand… Loki is… he is Jötun. Thor, has he ever voluntarily turned into his Jötun form?”

The God of Thunder thought about it for a moment—then, he shook his head. “No.” You gave him a meaningful look. “So… you think it has something to do with his species?”

You nodded slowly and swallowed.

“Then we keep him in here until he is better.” He concluded. Your eyes widened.

“What? Thor, no… you can’t keep him locked up in there! What if he doesn’t get better on his own? Are you going to incarcerate him forever?”

“That would be an improvement.” Tony tossed in bitterly.

“We have to help him.”

“We? (Y/N)…” Bruce remarked almost tauntingly.

“You’ll find us upstairs. We need to let the others know about… whatever this is.” Tony added. You gnashed your teeth when he and Bruce turned to leave. For an awkward moment, it was eerily still—right until another one of Loki’s screams tore through the uncomfortable silence. You flinched once more. He was howling in pain.

“You think it might be a disease only Frost Giants can get?” Thor asked with concern in his deep voice at last.

You shrugged apologetically. “Maybe…”

“Loki and I were going to return to Asgard next week. I shall ask around, one of the healers should be familiar with Jötun diseases.”

“Go as soon as you can. Your brother is in pain, Thor, can’t you hear that?”

The God of Thunder nodded absentmindedly. But if no one was going to do something about Loki’s suffering—whatever it was—immediately, you would do it alone. So you did what Loki would do first. You dug up his books.

-

Loki’s room was neat, tidy. The green bed had been made—there was not a single wrinkle in the fabric and the desk was all clean, not giving thin layers of dust only visible in the direct sunlight a chance. The books he had brought from Asgard, old, thick, yellowed and heavy, he had stored on a bookshelf higher than you could reach.

Sucking in a determined breath, you moved the desk chair in front of it. The polished wooden floor to your feet complained with an ear-piercing shriek as you did. Determined, you climbed up to study the titles. All of them were written in Nordic Runes, making you realise that your research would end up being a lot harder than you had initially assumed. You could not speak a word of Old Norse, let alone read those Runes. Never mind that… you needed answers—and Loki needed your help.

It took you two hours to go through the titles and have them translated via a website you had had to pay for (using Tony’s credit card details—desperate times called for desperate measures) to use its allegedly reliable services.

Then, finally, after what felt like half an eternity, you found a suitable page-turner. It was titled Mythical Creatures and Species across Yggdrasil—at least, that was what the website you used told you.

Eagerly, you opened the book searching frantically for the chapter on Frost Giants and began sucking up all the information you could get. The more you read… and the more you compared Loki’s symptoms to the described behaviour of Jötuns in the book, the more aghast you became. One thing was for sure. Loki was not sick. Loki was aroused.

Terror-stricken, you bookmarked the page, grabbed your phone and jumped to your feet, abandoning the pile of books on Loki’s floor. You needed to speak to Thor right now.

He was about to enter the bathroom when you found him, once again almost knocking into his broad form.

“I… I found something.” You choked out.

“What?”

“I found something… about Loki. Thor… he is not ill, not really, he is…” Biting your lower lip, you pushed the God of Thunder into the bathroom, shut the door behind you and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. “He is… aroused.”

“What?” He roared, blushing. “What do you mean he is aroused?”

“Look… I found this book, I…”

“You speak Old Norse?”

“No! I used… I used a translator. Thor, listen, please. It says here that to ensure their continued existence, male Frost Giants, every one-thousand years, experience the primal urge to copulate with females of their kind. Much like wolves or elves, this ‘heat’ usually begins with restlessness, extremely aggressive and possessive behaviour, unusual amounts of pent-up energy as well as an extreme hunger and loss of appetite at the very same time. Loki hasn’t showed up for lunch, dinner or breakfast and… he has been spending extraordinary times in the training room downstairs in the middle of the night lately. He barely sleeps, it seems.”

“Go on…”

“How old is Loki, Thor?”

“He is a little over one-thousand years… old.” He looked up in shock when he realised.

“That’s why he is in his Jötun form, Thor. He can’t control it, it’s not his fault, it’s… in his nature. God…” You had read it all, yet you were still working on processing it.

“This… it would explain why he tried to attack Nat. So… he is not in danger then?” Thor probed.

“No, not necessarily but—“

“So we can just wait until it is over.”

You frowned. “Until what is over?”

“His heat! If what you are saying is true and Loki’s behaviour derives from his heritage… if he cannot control his reactions, we have to keep him locked up and wait. We can’t have him ravish all the females in the compound.”

“But… he is in pain.”

An urgent knock on the bathroom door interrupted you.

“Hey, are you having a soap party in there? Other people need to use the bathroom too!” Closing the heavy book shut again, you rolled your eyes.

“There are at least three other bathrooms in this compound, Tony!”

“What are you two doing in here anyway?” He asked as he opened the door and leaned against the threshold when he spotted you two sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“(Y/N) found out that Loki is… uh… in heat.”

“In heat?!” Tony repeated. “Like a cat?”

“No! It… has something to do with the procreation cycle of Jötuns. It… is in his nature.”

“Fuck…”

“Hey… language.” If you hadn’t recognised his voice, you would know it was Steve who joined your heated discussion. “What’s going on here?”

“Loki is in heat, like a cat.” Steve frowned.

“No, he isn’t! Not like a cat, this is…” Thor stood again before you could finish your sentence.

“It’s for the best, (Y/N). Down there, he’ll be save from getting himself into trouble.”

“Thor, wait! Loki is suffering! Soon, he will…”

“We can’t risk it, (Y/N)! He almost raped Natasha!” Tony barked. “And if you go near him, I’ll lock you up too. I’ve seen what he’s capable of, (Y/N). I will not let him hurt you.”

“He… he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t.” You chirped. No. Loki would never deliberately take a woman against her will. If he did… no! Loki had in incredible amount of self-control and composure; and you knew how much he despised his own heritage. He would fight this—for as long as he could.

“Besides…” Tony added. “It wouldn’t be so bad if he got a taste of his own medicine.”

“Stop blaming Loki for your PTSD, Tony. That was Thanos’ doing and you know that.” You growled darkly. The billionaire paused for a moment.

“He is staying where he is,” he concluded then. “Until he’s gone back to normal.”

-

But you did not want to wait. You couldn’t. You had read about the symptoms in detail. In the book it said that moodiness and aggression were only the beginning. If Loki did not act on what his Jötun body demanded from him and… released, then soon, excruciating pain would torment his loins. Masturbation appeared to be out of the picture. You nibbled on your lower lip. This thought of yours invaded his privacy on a truly shameful level, yet you were certain that if sexual arousal had already been plaguing him for a significant amount of time before this outbreak of his, he would have tried to lay hand on himself already and learned it did not provide the necessary relief.

Sooner or later, he would no longer be able to suppress his erection—and it would not disappear until he… sheathed himself inside a female to fill her with his seed. Under different circumstances, the idea of him claiming a woman… you, in such a possessive manner would have aroused you tremendously yourself. As of right now, however, Loki was in agony. The pain, if ignored for too long, would only get worse—it could last up to months and even then the denial of sexual release could result in permanent damage to his loins and even his potency.

But there was no cure either. No potion or spell to contain a male Jötun’s heat which Thor could have forwarded to Asgardian healers.

It was past midnight when you stopped reading and translating—too appalled by how much more Loki would have to suffer if nothing was done about his… condition. The only way to make it stop… was to act on it.

Your lips parted in realisation. You liked him, very much so—and you found Loki incredibly attractive, dreaming of his hands on your body, even. Perhaps you could help him after all. You were not Jötun but… would his body really make a difference? This most primal part of him wished to mate with a female—and although you had never seen a female Jötun, you doubted they looked much different than you did down there.

-

You had to wait another thirty minutes until the lights in Tony’s lab finally went out and you could sneak through the compound and downstairs to the cells—and once you had made sure that Vision was nowhere to be found, you switched off the security camera for Loki’s cell and approached the thick metal door.

It was quiet. He had stopped screaming. There was no banging against the walls either. Yet when you unlocked the door and slipped inside, his appearance, cowering on the floor and leaning against the cool wall with bare feet, startled you to the core. Loki’s raven hair was completely dishevelled, his knuckles bruised and covered in dry blood. His Jötun appearance was downright intimidating and close up, even more fascinating. He was breathing heavily, the thin shirt he had been wearing underneath all of his armour torn in several places, revealing blue skin and in his dark leather trousers… there was a remarkable bulge.

You shivered slightly when his red eyes met yours. Slowly, he tilted his head. “What are you doing here?” He growled hoarsely but weakly.

“I… I want to help you.”

The God of Mischief snorted. “You cannot help me.”

Mutely, you shook your head. “I can. Loki… I… I know what’s happening with you.”

He snorted once more. “So do I.”

“Let me help you.” Taking a deep breath, you moved closer to him. He reacted immediately. Loki jerked, greedily, as if to grab you and pull you on his lap. He could barely stop himself. Yet you were convinced that he would not hurt you in this state… much. A wave of courage rolled over you—you were doing this for him; and you wouldn’t be doing it if you did not like him in this way. Regardless of what he thought of you after, if he could even imagine being with a mortal like that… you longed to stop his pain.

“Leave.” He said quickly when you kneeled down next to him, timidly resting your palms on his thighs. “No… I said… leave… while you still can.” You did not. In fact, you ignored his rather sincere warning. Slowly, to not tickle the sleeping dragon, you reached for the buttons of his leather trousers and began undoing them until he grabbed a hold of your wrists to stop you. He was ice cold.

“Have you… lost your mind?” Loki was cut off by a loud hiss escaping his lips when your fingertips brushed against his erection. He was large—much larger than he would be in his Aesir form, you presumed, and his cock too was blue and covered in dozens of ridges.

“It won’t go away on its own,” you whispered. “You know it won’t. It’s okay.”

Braver this time, you stroked him again, creating more skin on skin contact. Loki was still holding on to you tightly but made no move to stop you. The touch of a female… it must have been bringing some sort of relief already. Coming here had been the right decision.

“Loki…” You murmured. Finally, your hand closed around his incredibly hard cock entirely and you began to jerk him off—gently at first, only to pick up speed when his breathing grew even heavier than it already was. Defeated, he dropped his head against the wall, revealing his blue neck to you. “Please let me help you.” You repeated. “It’s okay. I trust you.” Upon those words, Loki’s eyes widened barely noticeably. Perhaps it was all he had needed to hear to lose his self-control and composure entirely.

Growling like a wild animal, he suddenly started at you, pushing you back firmly so you lost your balance like a beetle on its back, wrapped his ice cold hands around your ankles and pulled you into him. Your back collided with the floor, knocking all air out of your lungs. You gasped for air all the while Loki busied himself with your clothes. Any layer of fabric was too much. He wanted you naked for him. His sheer strength petrified you when he tore at your pyjamas and ripped them to pieces until they were scattered all over the cell. You trembled—but it wasn’t the icy temperature of his blue skin that made your limbs shake so much. It was, so you realised when your widened eyes fell on his massive erection, now fully springing free from his tight trousers, your own arousal growing into dizzying heights. This, whatever it was, excited you—maybe even way more than it should.

Once more, the God of Mischief grabbed your ankles, forcing your legs open. Your heart skipped a beat when he laid his blood-red eyes upon your bare pussy. Your lower lips must have been glistening with your juices in the artificial light of the cell. Loki growled, his long and cold fingers gripping your ankles so tightly you could already feel the bruises forming. Eagerly, he positioned himself between your legs, the tip of his hard and ice cold cock teasing your clit. A moan escaped your lips, urging him on. The fire in his eyes had returned, like your body had set his ablaze.

He spread you even further for him, your nails digging into the metal floor beneath you—and then he claimed you for his own. Inch by antagonising inch, he split you apart, sheathing himself so deep inside of you all air was knocked from your lungs yet again. He was ice cold and he was much larger than the average man; and you were beginning to understand that yes, female Jötuns were anatomically different than humans. Human women were not made for taking such long cocks… so why did every single powerful thrust of his feel so good?

Loki pulled out almost completely, with only the tip remaining inside of you, only to plunge back inside only the fraction of a second later, fucking you furiously. Your tight and wet walls appeared to mould around his manhood, gripping him tightly, asking for more despite the almost unbearable coldness against your most intimate parts. No longer were you in control of your arms. They reached up, palms gliding over his bare chest and enjoying the coldness under your fingertips. Fascinated and aroused at the very same time, you traced every single ridge on Loki’s body while he was fucking you senseless, until your eyes rolled to the back of your head, unable to take the pleasure. His long manhood his spots inside of you which you had never known even existed. He leaned down, at last letting go of your ankles, instead taking a hold of your wrists to pin them both down right above your head and pressing his body so tightly against yours that your clit kept rubbing against his pelvis with every single stroke. You moaned, stricken by ecstasy, and arched your back as you kept moving your hips up to meet his thrusts.

Aroused, you looked down, watching how his blue cock kept sliding in and out of you, spreading your lips as they enveloped him welcomingly.

Loki groaned, his attention steering towards your breasts as they bounced with each of his rough thrusts. Hungrily, he lowered his face, his cold breath ghosting over your mounts, and sucked your right nipple into his mouth—hard. He nibbled, suckled pulled and bit until the already hardened nub was throbbing with pleasure and need and he repeated the same blissful procedure with your left nipple all the while he kept rutting into you uncontrollably.

“Loki…” You wondered if, in his current state, he would be able to speak. As of right now, he indeed reminded you of a wolf who would annihilate anything standing between him and his subject of desire, his prey—you.

Your toes curled, the promising and numbing sensation growing in your lower abdomen having you scream his name over and over again. You could already feel yourself clenching around him, your body urging him on to mark you with his seed and impregnate you and when he finally released himself into you, burying his cock as deep inside of you as was physically possible and coating your walls with his load, he triggered your own release.

You came with a loud moan, feeling him twitch against you as your pussy contracted around him again and again until you collapsed underneath him, spent and tired from his vigorous fucking. Loki, on the other hand, didn’t even think about letting you be. Unceremoniously, he pulled you on his lap so you came to snuggle up against his cold and naked chest, your face hidden in his neck. He supported himself by leaning against the metal wall, his cock still resting deep inside of you.

“How… are you… feeling?” You breathed out, barely able to keep your eyes open. Being taken thoroughly by a Frost Giant had been a lot more exhausting than you had initially assumed.

He was panting, his eyes almost shut. His erection inside you, however, was still very prominent and nowhere near ebbing down.

“Better… soon.” He growled into your ear. Soon? A high-pitched scream escaped your lips when he sank his teeth into your neck and bit down hard enough to make you squirm on his lap. You could still feel his ice cold sperm dribbling out of you and coating his own cock when he grabbed your arse and began moving you up and down his cold rut, forcing you to ride him.

“Oh… fuck…” You choked out. You were tender already, sensitive to the touch. This was too much, too soon. Yet Loki was too caught up in his pleasure and urges to give you a break. He took you several more times that night, eliciting orgasm after orgasm after orgasm from you—until you were on the verge of passing out.

-

You awoke with a hunger unlike one you had never experienced before. Irritated, you crawled out of bed—using the toilet but skipping your morning routine to get to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. It was only seven. Loki had not… released you until half past six. There was no way your body could have drawn enough rest from this meagre hour of sleep.

Be that as it may—for now, you were hungry. Quietly, you tiptoed into the kitchen, ignoring the sweet ache and tenderness between your legs and resisting the urge to cup yourself through your pyjama bottoms. The white and bright light of the fridge blinded you when you opened it and reached for a package of juice and one of those pre-packed turkey sandwiches Tony kept buying. Unceremoniously, you then closed the fridge with your butt and sat down at the kitchen table to eat. And you kept returning to the fridge until Steve joined you in the kitchen to have a cup of coffee and then go for a run. When had you ever been this hungry before? Was it because of the aggressive sex you had had with Loki? Jesus…

You blushed when Steve asked you how you had slept—and you were rather grateful you had been smart enough to switch off the security cameras before… helping Loki out. He had still been in his Jötun form when you left at long last but he had looked content and… satisfied, in the most carnal manner possible. You would wait until the rest of the Avengers were up to check on him, to not raise any suspicion.

So when Thor staggered into the kitchen with a shit-eating grin on his face, you nearly jumped from your seat.

“Good morning!” He yelled—clearly in a very good mood. He managed to scarf down an entire package of fruit loops before you couldn’t take it anymore and aggressively scratched your fork over your empty plate until the room went awkwardly quiet.

“Didn’t you forget something?” You asked him heatedly. The God of Thunder frowned.

“No! I did flush the toilet this morning, (Y/N).”

Rolling your eyes, you stood.

“Loki. Loki is still one level below you, locked up in a cell, in pain, while you are enjoying your breakfast.” You hoped though, sincerely, that he was no longer in pain.

“(Y/N)… we spoke about this, there is nothing we can do. Down there, he can’t hurt himself or anyone else. I told you I’m going to Asgard soon, I will speak to—”

It was in this moment that your plate broke in half. You had, subconsciously, used your fork to stab it so forcefully it fell apart like a rotten apple. Eyes widening, you mumbled an apology.

“Sorry… I just… no one should be suffering like this. You all heard him last night.”

Bruce gave you a gentle smile. “You’ve always had a big heart for everyone, huh?” You nodded quickly. They did not need to know about your feelings… or the arousing ache between your legs. Your heart was racing. You took a deep breath, hurrying out of the kitchen without cleaning up behind you. Instead, you immediately locked yourself in the bathroom and turned on the tap to splash some cold water on your face. The icy temperature calmed you once it came in contact with your skin, reminding you of him—if only for a moment.

You were shaking. What on Earth was wrong with you? You took a quick shower to wind down, threw on an oversized sweater and then headed downstairs to the prison cells. A glance at the monitor of the security camera made you let out a relieved breath. Loki had indeed gone back to his Aesir form—and he did no longer seem to be in pain. It was, so you wondered, very unusual, however, to not complain and wreak havoc so the Avengers would let him out but then again… would they truly believe him if he told them he had overcome his heat?

With another deep breath, you opened the cell door and slipped inside.

“You were not supposed to see me like this last night. No one was.” He said quietly before you could even open your mouth, not bothering to make eye contact with you.

“Did you know? What was happening to you?”

“Yes.” He snorted, a bitter smile spreading on his thin lips. “I believed I would be able to control it.” Finally, he looked up, his blue eyes locking with yours. “Did I hurt you?” Your lips parted in surprise. Slowly, you shook your head.

“No… I mean… it was quite pleasurable… for me as well… actually.” You choked out sheepishly.

“Hmm… that I could tell,” Loki gave you a light smirk. “Thank you.” He said then—and for the first time since you had met him, you sensed true honesty and sincerity in his smooth voice.

“I’ll leave the door open.” You returned his smile; the planes in your belly flying loops.

“We are… keeping this between us, are we not?” He hastened to ask when you turned around.

“Of course.” After all, no one needed to know you had let Loki mate with you to regain control over his loins.

-

It was five days after your intimate encounter with Loki when your constant shaking became worse enough for him to notice—and if that wasn’t bad enough already, your body had begun to sweat; a lot. Day in and out, you had to change your sheets as if your bed was your personal sauna—or your personal hell.

You felt like you had been hit by a bus, like an extremely nasty form of the flu had you in its steel grip tightly, unwilling to let you go. Sleep, however, to get some rest and recover, would not come either. Two hours per night at most, three if you got lucky. And instead of getting better, it became worse.

He had been restless ever since. It could not be. After all, it had also never… or had it? Growling to himself, he locked the door to his room, enjoying the quietness and most of all, utter privacy.

Not a soul in the nine realms was aware he was still in the possession of the Tesseract. So when he produced it out of thin air—his large hand momentarily surrounded by a green mist—he made sure to hurry and quickly teleported himself back to Asgard. Heimdall would never open the Bifrost for him if he wasn’t accompanied by Thor.

He was worried about you and his surprise about these particular circumstances was remarkably low. When he closed his eyes, he could still taste your hard nipples on his tongue from when he had suckled on them. He remembered how warm your body felt against his when he had cradled you in his lap and the thought of your tight cunt around his throbbing cock stirred arousal in his leather trousers if only he indulged in reminiscences for too long. Most of all, however, he was unable to forget the sincere smile on your face when you had freed him from the cell the next day… and the mesmerised gaze you had met him with when he had ravished your sweet quim over and over again.

With another deep breath, he disappeared in an ice cold cloud of smoke.

-

Sneaking past the guards and into the palace library—the one place he had spent hours on end in growing up here, hiding away from Thor, his friends and the world, reading and hoarding knowledge—was pathetically easy. He knew exactly what to look for, what lecture would confirm his worrying suspicions. Once he found what he had been searching, he sat down on the windowsill—another usual spot he found comfort in—and began his research. He had known about the impact of a male Jötun’s seed on his female counterpart, of course; for even though he despised his own race, he, as opposed to Thor, had paid attention during their private tutoring lessons as children. The heavy book in his hands, however, made him, the God of Mischief and Trickery, hold his breath. What Loki had not known was that the repercussion of a male Jötun’s seed did not just occur in Jötun females. It applied to any species—including humans. However, the chances of survival for weaker lifeforms were alarmingly low.

Abandoning the book, he hurried out of the library and into the city. There was someone he needed to speak to.

-

“With all due respect, my prince but you are not welcome here.” Loki rolled his eyes. He knew it would not be fun, exactly, to seek out his ex-partners and ask about their well-being long after he had left them. The man opening him when he knocked on Sigyn’s door, a woman he had been engaged with for several years in his youth, was about as tall as Thor—his right hand decorated with a golden ring. Husband. Just great. And, judging by his obvious dismay of finding him on his doorstep, she must have told him about their shared past.

“I need to speak to your wife. Urgently. That is an order.” Sigyn’s husband growled, clenching his fists but stepped aside regardless. Loki made sure not to pay any attention to the furniture and his surroundings. Toys were scattered all across the living room, hinting that Sigyn had become both wife and mother in his absence. Her face fell when she spotted Loki standing in the middle of the small room—truly like he would even have preferred Helheim over being here of all places—as pale as a ghost.

“Loki… I mean… your highness. What… brings you here?”

“I need to ask you a few questions.”

“Um… by all means. Sit down. Would you like some ale?”

“No.” Sigyn pointed at the rectangular kitchen table and then sat down opposite of him. Her hands were folded on the surface of the polished wood.

“It is good to see you.”

“Likewise… Now this will sound odd,” he began unceremoniously, ignoring her husband towering above him with his arms crossed. “But I have to know how you fared after we separated. Not… emotionally. Physically.” He emphasised.

“Physically? That is indeed odd. Oh, I… um… let me see, it’s been such a long time. I had quite an appetite after you left,” she laughed, clearly uncomfortable with his presence. Loki sighed.

“An appetite. What more than that?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Except… yes, of course! I fell ill a few days after. The healers never found out what my body was rebelling against. It lasted for a few months. Tiredness, insomnia, attacks of sweat and I could not stop shaking. Why do you ask? Did you… did you experience it too?”

“No,” he replied quickly, a nauseous feeling spreading in his guts. You were showing the exact same symptoms. Symptoms of addiction. “You said it lasted for a few months?”

“I am sorry, your highness but is there a point to this interrogation? My wife has to feed the baby.”

“We’re almost done.” He barked, glaring at Sigyn’s husband from the corner of his eye.

“It did,” Sigyn confirmed. “But then it never returned.”

“Thank you. That will be all.” Loki took a deep breath and stood, resisting the urge to massage the bridge of his nose to clear his thoughts. It was only when he turned on his heel to leave this way too harmonic place that he noticed Sigyn’s husband had left the door open for him. He rolled his eyes.

“Loki! I-I mean, your highness…”

“Loki is fine, Sigyn. We have seen each other naked, after all.” Beside him, he could practically hear her husband gnashing his teeth. He smirked.

“I understand you do not wish to share with me what troubles you but whatever it is, I hope everything will turn out to be alright.”

Loki gave her a smile. It was as honest as he could muster in this tense situation. Sigyn had always known when he was being plagued by dark sorrows, even before he learned about his true parentage. Much like you. You too had been able to tell he had been unwell, both physically and mentally. He swallowed thickly.

“Thank you, Sigyn.”

He had to see Amora, too. They had not exactly gone separate ways peacefully but if she had experienced the same symptoms as Sigyn after their break-up, he had to get back to you immediately. And he had to tell you. The truth, a luxury given his nature, was the very least you deserved.

-

“Where have you been?” Thor roared as soon as he entered the kitchen to pick up one of those cold drinking chocolates you had introduced him to a while back—the ridiculous amount of sugar would help you, if only for a moment. The presence of Tony, Nat, Bucky, Steve and Thor, leaning against the counter or sitting at the kitchen table, he ignored as best as he could. He would have preferred to be alone now.

Loki quirked his eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “Asgard, given that you were unwilling to get help yourself.”

“How? Heimdall wouldn’t…”

“There is a lot Heimdall does not know, brother.” Thor grumbled something he did not understand but it sounded awfully like a curse word in Old Norse.

“Whatever. Have you seen (Y/N)? Her room is down the same hallways as yours, has she left her room lately?” Tony barked at him.

“As far as I am concerned, she has Vision bring her excessive amounts of food, for she is too weak to come to the kitchen herself. No. I have not seen her around.” He replied nonchalantly, with false disinterest. This time, so it seemed, however, his choice of tone, equalled shooting himself in the foot.

“We need to get her to the hospital. None of the medicines I gave her worked even a little bit—and I contacted the best doctors I know.” Loki suppressed a scoff. As if a hospital full of human ‘doctors’ would be able to help you. The only one who could… was he.

“For Fuck’s sake, she has been feeling ill ever since…” Tony’s face fell. “Ever since we locked up your brother.” Belligerently, his gaze wandered over to Loki again. “Okay, Reindeer Games, what did you do to her and don’t even try to lie to me!”

“You do assume, automatically, that I have something to do with it?” He mocked. Tony clenched his fists.

“Loki,” Thor added calmly. “Do you… know something?” The God of Mischief sighed. If he told them, what little trust they had in his capabilities as an Avenger would vaporise like smoke. It mattered not. In fact, he could not care less if any of those self-proclaimed heroes even liked him. Yet if he spoke the truth… surely they would do anything in their power to keep you away from him—which was exactly what they could not do if they wanted you to survive and feel better again as much as he did. He could just take care of the problem on his own… sooner or later, however, they were bound to find out about their intimate encounters, and he was beyond keeping secrets like that. If he wanted to make love to you, then he would, may the Norns help him.

“It is… my seed.” He choked out reluctantly.

“Your… what!? Your… yeah, no, I can’t say that out loud without throwing up… is making her sick!?”

“The seed of a male Jötun is causing… an addiction. Withdrawal will make her weak and ill.” Loki looked up grimly. “Frost Giants live in strictly monogamous relationships.”

“What, like penguins? How did she even come in contact with… did you… did you rape her? I swear to God, I will kill you.”

“I did not lay a finger on her.” Loki replied darkly.

Tony threw his hands up in the air. “So how did your happy juice get inside of her in the first place then!? How did that happen, I wonder?”

“She came to me voluntarily, Stark!”

“But you knew? If you knew it would make her sick, why didn’t you stop her, you selfish asshole!?”

“How!? How, Stark!? Resisting the urge to mate in heat is like attempting to suppress a sneeze. It’s impossible. Don’t bother your pathetic human mind with things you do not understand.”

“Loki…” Thor began warningly. The God of Mischief ignored him with a hostile growl.

“(Y/N) would never do that.” Tony said then.

“Perhaps you do not know her as well as you thought you do.”

“You little shit, I will…” Tony jumped from his chair as if stung by an adder, prompting Loki to draw one of his daggers seemingly out of nowhere when he started at him. Both Natasha and Steve barely managed to hold him back.

“Leave it, Tony. This is Loki. He is just trying to provoke you.” Nat appeased.

Just this one time, however, they were wrong. Loki did, in fact, care about you. It was just he had not realised that until you had willingly offered your body to him when he had been in pain. Glaring at them darkly, he rose from his chair.

“I am going to fix this.” He spat. It almost sounded like a threat. “Not for you. I could watch you drop dead to my feet without so much as blinking. But for her.” Fuming, he stormed out, his right fist still clutching at his dagger in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. And as of right now, Thor knew better than to stop him.

He needed to see you. Remorse and guilt were eating him up from the inside out—and it wasn’t just the fact you had helped him in spite of everything he had done to Midgard only a few years back. It was… you were… Loki closed his eyes for a brief moment. You were his.

When he knocked on your door, there was no response. Now there was a chance you were asleep, yet he somehow knew better than to leave and try again later as to not startle you. After all… he was going to make you feel better.

He slipped inside, locking the door behind him with magic so you would not be disturbed. The sight of you almost broke his heart. You were trembling, buried under a pile of blankets, pale and weak.

“(Y/N)…” He spoke with a quiet voice, approaching you slowly. Your eyes opened when you heard his voice, your weak body barely managing to turn over to look at him. A cough escaped your lips before you could answer him.

“Hey…”

“How are you feeling?”

“Terrible.” You tried for a laugh but could only manage another cough. With a straight face, he sat down on the edge of the bed so he was able to bring his palm to your forehead. You were incredibly warm, yet the sweat made your skin cold to the touch. His heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, he was worried you only had a few weeks left until your body gave up fighting the withdrawal. He would not, ever let this happen.

“I brought you some cold drinking chocolate.”

“Oh…” You chuckled weakly. “Thank you. Is that the only reason you came?”

“No,” he laughed. “I came to check on you.”

“An eye for an eye, huh?” Your eyes fell shut when you smiled.

“Hmm… I’m afraid it is a little more complicated than that.” He purred. You never noticed how his eyes fell on your crotch, even if it was covered by a bunch of blankets. Slowly but determined, he slid his left hand under the layers of fabric until he found what he was searching for. With skilled fingers, he began to massage your clit until he felt you responding to his attentive touches. You arched your back, your sex growing wetter and wetter fast—like your body knew exactly what would follow. Licking his lips, he scooped some of it up to spread all over your quim and create even more friction. You were squirming by the time he removed the blankets entirely and positioned himself between your legs, careful not to shift all of his body weight onto you.

Was he going to… did he… could he possibly… reciprocate your feelings? Your heart skipped a beat, butterflies awakening in your belly. If only you could…

“Loki… Loki, I… I really want to do this again too but… not now, I’m… I really don’t feel well.”

“Shhh…” He would ponder over your words later. You wanted to do this again too? Had it not just be compassion and pity that had driven you to offer him your most intimate parts for relief? And what if you refused him now? You had to trust him. So he shut you up by pressing his lips against yours, capturing them in a passionate kiss and then, once again slowly but determined, removed the blankets and peeled your pyjama from you until he had you naked—fine, he had helped with magic; and he was certainly too impatient to remove his own clothes, so instead contented himself with freeing his growing erection from his trousers only.

A whimper escaped your lips when you caught sight of his arousal, his tip—not blue but the colour of flesh this time—pressing against your entrance. He slid inside you to the hilt with almost no resistance, your warm pussy welcoming him in. Loki moaned when your walls gripped him tightly; it was like your body already knew his release would make it feel better. Only this time, he was in control. This time, he would take his time and make gentle love to you—right until you began to tremble underneath him for entirely different reasons.

Your eyes fell shut when Loki started moving, retreating almost completely only to plunge back deep inside of you fast and passionately. You were too weak to buck your hips, as much as you would have loved to. And despite your weariness, he felt incredible. You were unable to decide which form of his you liked better.

You kissed him again when his nose brushed against yours and his breath tickled your lips, bathing in the intimacy between you. But when he slid his hand down to where your bodies were united to pamper your clit all the while speeding up, hungry for his release, you stopped him, albeit gently.

“I… I don’t think I can, I’m too… but I… it’s okay.” You murmured. “Cum.”

It was a request he could not resist, not any longer. Thrusting forward a few more times, his release was beginning to overwhelm him. He groaned into your ear, his hot breath brushing against your cheek, and let his climax consume him. He was throbbing against your walls, his seed—surprisingly warm and not as cold as it had been the first time—filling you to the brim and until you could feel it dribbling out of you again. Loki stilled, turning you over so you both rested on the mattress on your sides, with his slowly softening cock still inside of you and one of your legs draped over his hips. One heartbeat passed, then another and another. And just like that… you felt like you had been reborn.

“How… I feel so much better.” Loki kept silent. Remorse was sparkling in his blue eyes. Avoiding your curious gaze, he looked down, with a start fascinated with the blue roses on your bed sheets.

“Loki?”

“You did fail to read all of it, did you not?” He stated quietly.

“What… what do you mean?”

“The book you took from my shelf. I looked it up when you got worse. It wasn’t until I left for Asgard that I realised why our… sexual encounter is making you ill.”

“I… wait… Does that mean you believe it has something to do with you? I mean… what we did? Is it… I’m not pregnant, am I!?”

“No. You are not.” He smirked at you weakly. “That, I would have sensed already. No… I’m afraid it is a little more complicated. Frost Giants live in strictly monogamous relationships. They never… switch their partners once they mated during their first heat. If they do…” Loki took a deep breath. “It appears that the seed of a Frost Giant triggers some sort of… addiction for their female partner. They develop a carnal craving for their seed which forces them to keep returning for… more.”

Biologically speaking, this was a downright bulletproof way of ensuring the survival of a species—the Jötuns’ own bodies turning against them and demanding sex. The gravity of his words, however, hit you only a moment later. So this was why you had been feeling so sick lately. You were showing signs of… addiction. Your body had become addicted to Loki’s seed. You swallowed thickly.

“I-is there… is there a way to stop this?”

“I went to speak to my former partners back on Asgard—which, to be frank, does not just sound like a disaster. But I needed to know if they experienced any symptoms similar to yours when we… separated.” You ignored the painful sting in your heart when he said ‘former partners’. Of course Loki had had sex before, had perhaps even been in love. He did not strike you as the type of Norse God who was unexperienced in the art of love making. After all, he had more than just proved this to you. It mattered not, not now.

“And… did they?” You probed nervously.

Loki nodded seriously. “They were both bedridden for months, plagued by uncontrollable trembling and sweating. Their appetite increased, they ate twice as much than they usually would without ever feeling truly full… and they barely slept anymore, tossing and turning for most of the night. Amora added she became increasingly violent as well. They, of course, believed it was a virus which would pass, eventually.” Terrified, you remembered how you had broken your plate in the kitchen the night after your lovemaking. It all made sense now.

But you did not dare ask what this meant. When dreaming of having a relationship with Loki, you had not imaged a partnership out of physical and sexual necessity which would feel like a chore to him; like an obligation now that you had helped him out, after all.

“But they were Asgardian.” He suddenly said, pausing to let his words sink in. “You are human. You are mortal. I am uncertain you would survive…” If I stopped having sex with you. Is that what he had meant to say before he stopped himself abruptly?

Taking a deep and shaky breath, you gathered all of your courage, as weak as it may be.

“This is all my own fault, Loki.”

“It is not—“

“N-no, let me speak. It’s my fault. You couldn’t help it. And I came to you on my own accord. But…” You swallowed. “Even if I had known, I still would have helped you.”

The God of Mischief frowned when you reached for his hand and held it—but it was a downright vulnerable expression.

“Loki… I’m not going to expect you to keep having sex with me if you don’t… I mean…” It was then he began to smirk cheekily.

“And if I do?” Loki had truthfully speaking always been a puzzle—always keeping his deepest thoughts and feelings all to himself. Until now. So he did reciprocate your feelings.

“Y-you do?” His smirk widened.

“It… does get better after a while, once the pair is more acquainted to each other’s bodies,” he continued. “And they are then able to spend more time apart without any signs of withdrawal showing. Ultimately, however, once the male Jötun claimed her, the female is bound to him… if he decides to keep her.”

Despite your weakness, you raised an eyebrow. “That sounds pretty sexist, Lokes.” Loki looked up. His heart jumped when you gave him a nickname.

“Sexist? No. Dominant? Yes.” He growled darkly.

“You’re right. It’s probably not sexist given that male Frost Giants go into heat.” You giggled in response. Loki tickled your sides for that remark, making you wriggle around on the bed. If your hunch was not deceiving your love-drunken mind, then the God of Mischief had just begun to court you.

“Loki?” You mused, raising your voice in a shy manner.

“Hmm?”

“I think I feel fit enough now to have an orgasm.”

The God of Mischief laughed—as heartily as you had never heard him laugh before. “Do you now?”

Next thing you knew he was already on top of you again, covering your naked body with tender kisses.

-

A/N: Check out my blog to find more Imagines and take a glimpse at my first (to be) published novel! If you enjoyed this story, I would appreciate it so much if you supported me on Kofi! ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥  

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

something fascinating about c!dream that isn’t really talked about much is that, in his own head, I do think he’s working towards what he’d see as “the greater good”, but not out of any sense of morality and kindness. it's because he Wants to be a saviour, he wants to be a messiah and a god. he wants people to praise and adore him for “helping” them. he wants a world where he can do whatever he wants without consequences because, well, he made the server peaceful, right? he wants to have complete control because he’s Adored and Feared.

and if he’s all but a god, shouldn’t it fall on him to fix all the servers problems? anyone who fights against him is at best ignorant fighting against their own self interest and at worst trying to make the world worse, and every hurt caused is one done for the Greated Good. it means he can think of himself as Justified in everything, and that’s out of a sense of pride of always being right and not Genuinely Caring if he hurts people, because he enjoys doing that. everything he does has Reasons, so that means even if he’s done bad, even if he Is Bad, he’s better than everyone else who Doesn't.

it also allows him to deflect blame off of himself easier. everything he did was for research, for the good of the server, just a silly game, whereas every single slight against him is an Attack on the Server Itself. he can frame anything he doesn’t like as Bad and Immoral (and even things he does, if he gets a benefit out of it- cough cough, exile arc)

he sees those around him as sheep, who need to be under protection, kept alive and well but not allowed any sort of autonomy. and it’s no sacrifice to be their shepherd, to keep them in line, because it gives him Control. control and the adoring eyes of those too stupid to know any better.

this is why c!tommy is Special. he’s the one person who Won't fall in line even against suicidal odds, which places him above the sheep, and that's fascinating. c!dream doesn’t see c!tommy as a human being with proper autonomy, and certainly not an equal, but he sees him as much closer to that than anyone else on the server. that makes him different to everyone around him, completely unique, and c!dream's a curious person.

but this also means c!tommy is A Threat. because anyone against him is an enemy to the Peace of the server. so c!tommy also grows to represent the Concept of Chaos, of adversity, so control over c!tommy means the Achievement of c!Dream’s goals. c!tommy is the server, in every meaningful way, and the server is c!tommy. because c!tommy has to be Something, to explain why he won’t just give up and listen even if he’s putting himself at risk of death.

and the prison has only Solidified that mindset, i think, because it proves other people will only Attack when he’s at his most vulnerable. it Proves he needs to be the Moral and Literal Authority because when he isn’t that’s when everything starts to go Wrong. and it proves he needs Control over c!tommy because him slipping from his grasp is what Signalled everything going to hell.

or, at least, that’s how I like writing him lol.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[aromantic-enjolras]

The Amis as D&D players

I said I might do this and @a-little-fall-of-pain, @juliensorelisoverparty and @earthbound-in-doubt sounded interested, so.... here you go!! Enjoy! ^^

Combeferre is the one who introduces all of them to it. He loves it, he knows every version, he owns a bunch of manuals, he has read about the most obscure universes. He usually GMs [organizes and plays the role of game master], and he’s one of those GMs that has planned for every single eventuality even though his players still manage to take him by surprise sometimes with how fucking stupid they are.

Enjolras is one of those players who has been playing for years and years (he has been playing with Combeferre since middle school) but is still completely incapable of remembering any rules. Combeferre would go “do a DEX save” and he’d answer “a what?”. He’s not a bad player, he’s just... forgetful.

Courfeyrac goes all out at the character creation with his backstories. He regularly sends messages to Combeferre at five in the morning going “so, I’ve thought that my character, when he was five, stumbled on a stone....” His characters have the weirdest stats, because he does them based on character development and not on usefulness. “Hey Courf, why is your character insanely agile but frail as a twig?” “Well, you know, when she was in the Elven Kingdom five years ago...”

On the other end of the spectrum, Feuilly is a min-max player. The Amis have already understood that no matter the situation, Feuilly will always have the best stats for the role. He might not be as well-versed in the universe as Combeferre is, but he knows every obscure rule that might help with a quest. But on the other hand, half the time his characters don’t even have names before it’s needed for the game.

Jehan has a special love for weird characters and monster types. He always pesters Combeferre to let him play non-playable monsters, and his favourite class is definitely necromancer. Him and Bahorel have a tendency to brainstorm characters at their flat in between sessions, and they usually have very elaborated common roleplaying. Their favourite characters were once when Bahorel played a peaceful, kindhearted Barbarian, and Jehan played their childhood “best friend” who triggered the Barbarian’s Rage for their benefit and denied anything being off afterwards.

Bossuet has a whole bunch of characters on stand-by, because no matter what’s going on, if there is a critical fail that can kill someone, he will always be in the way. It’s a rarity to have him end a campaign playing the same character he started with. He has died by falling in a lake, stumbling and falling on his own sword, eating the wrong mushroom.... and in one memorable occasion, because a meteorite fell on his head.

Joly knew nothing about RPGs before the Amis, but he immediately became super excited about it and started researching. But he didn’t research the rules, or the universe, or the games. He found adjacent stuff. He has watched all of Critical Role and the Joueur du Grenier’s games, he has listened to the entire run of Naheulbeuk, he has t-shirts... Which means that he has a lot of references he doesn’t really understand. But he’s having fun, so...

Musichetta is ruthless. She doesn’t come here to be nice or have meaningful conversations, she’s here to unleash all the frustration of her daily life. She plays almost exclusively heavy-hitters, her characters are invariably Chaotic Evil, and her reaction to anything and everything is “I attack”. There is usually someone in charge of making sure she doesn’t kill important NPCs before they’ve finished talking to them.

Grantaire is a dweeb. I’m sorry, he just is. He only plays High Elves who are incredibly beautiful and have tragic backstories and his decision-making is entirely based on the Rule of Cool. Which is not a bad thing, except that... his character is a Level 3, he doesn’t have the stats to back it up.

Marius doesn’t really get the appeal. It’s too complicated, he gets lost. But he can’t really escape them, because Courfeyrac always offers his place for the games, so he just spends the evening cooking for everyone. He doesn’t mind, he really likes having everyone around while not having to interact with them! That’s all for today. If I get a good reception to this, I might do Cosette, Éponine and Gavroche!

[shywitchyfangirl]

Tips for Beginning Spirit Workers!

Me? Posting something useful instead of just memes? GASP!

1. Plan communication and housing methods in advance. This is your responsibility, not the spirits’. Housing can include binding them to an object, binding them to yourself, letting them wander your house, or (my personal method) building an astral temple for them. Communication can take all kinds of forms, including dreams, hallucinations, Ouija boards, body sensations, intrusive thoughts, and telepathy. When starting out, you’ll probably be working with sensations and intrusive thoughts, and work your way up to other forms. An important thing to remember is if you’re ever unsure if something was them, assume it was. False negatives do far more harm than false positives when you’re trying to learn how to communicate. Assuming your spirit said something they didn’t might annoy them, but denying real messages will prevent you from developing your senses and harm your relationship with them.

2. Set boundaries and keep them! It doesn’t matter who they are, how powerful they are, or if they’re a literal god. You have rights, and they do not own you. Take no excuses, make no compromises. You don’t need to explain anything. If you give some spirits an inch, they’ll take a mile. I have a rule that no one can possess me while I’m on my period. Why? Because I don’t want them to, end of discussion. If anyone throws a fit about your boundaries, you don’t want to work with them anyway. If you’re planning to let them stick around, setting house rules is also very important! (”Don’t mess with the other human residents” is always a good starting point.)

3. Doubt happens. Even the most experienced spirit worker has moments of “Oh gods, I’m just crazy and talking to myself.” Don’t beat yourself up over it! Healthy skepticism is what keeps us sane. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad spirit worker. Try taking a moment to reflect on the times when your spirits did something that proved themselves to you, because I promise, those moments will happen too! One of my earliest moments was when a spirit possessed my and drew a bunch of dicks in my notebook before I even realized what she was drawing. If you haven’t had one of those moments yet, just remember the golden rule: You can’t be imagining it, because your imagination should never surprise you.

3.5 Know your craft, not others’. Related to the above, a big source of doubt is when you read about other spirit workers’ doing things differently. Remember, the term UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis) exists for a reason. Your Mileage May Vary! Every spirit worker experiences spirits differently. Different doesn’t mean wrong. Figure out what’s best for you and your spirits, and have confidence in your craft.

4. Don’t trust just anyone. Not every spirit you contact will be on your side. Some have their own agenda, others just want a plaything. Some spirits will pretend to be someone else to get past your defenses. The best way to stay safe is to always trust your instincts. If a spirit gives you a “bad vibe,” DITCH THEM. Never give them the benefit of the doubt. There is not a single spirit you NEED to have in your life, and thus there’s no reason to give a sketchy spirit a chance. Aside from that, don’t just assume any spirit you contact will be friendly and benevolent. Most spirit workers go through a “vetting” period of at least 3 months before deciding if a spirit is truly good to join their team. Yes, THREE MONTHS. You don’t want to allow just any powerful astral being into your life, do you? Remember, spirits have power, and they CAN hurt you. If you wouldn’t allow any random stranger into your house, don’t allow any random spirit into your life.

5. Do your research! Spirits aren’t human, and they don’t have the same wants and needs as humans. Research in advance what the particular species you’re summoning wants and needs. If they’re from a pop culture series, research the series. Research their friends, family, and enemies. Know who they will or won’t work well with. If they’re a nonhuman character, pay special attention to their species’ attributes, such as behavior, communication, and any unusual needs or weaknesses. You are responsible for your spirits’ safety while they’re with you! Remember, there’s no such thing as knowing too much. The more you know, the better prepared you’ll be!

6. Respect their boundaries. Not every spirit wants to be worshipped, especially pop culture ones. Some find it flattering, others find it creepy. Similarly, not every spirit wants to be your best friend forever, and not every spirit is eagerly waiting for your call every second of every day. Spirits may be cool, but don’t be a stalker. Give them some dang space. Also accept that many spirits don’t plan to stay with you forever. There may be a few that will be with you until you die (or even follow you to your next life!) but the vast majority have lives outside of you just like humans do, and there will be a time when you don’t need them or vice versa. Don’t feel bad about them leaving, and don’t try to force them to stay. Spirits come and go, and it does not mean you’re a bad spirit worker if you lose a few allies. Your closest friends will be the ones who choose you, and those are the ones you really want in your inner circle.

7. Don’t call up what you can’t put down. Always always ALWAYS have a banishing spell ready, and be sure to start small. Practice with a simple Pikachu before you go summoning Arceus. And keep that banishing spell handy during the vetting period! Many spirit workers suggest doing a banishing spell after every summoning unless you plan on letting the spirit stay permanently. It’s also always a good idea to have some kind of restraint the first few times you call on a spirit, even if it’s just a circle of salt. Personally I like to keep one of my stronger spirit family members around to babysit the new guys.

8. Always stay protected. Shield spells are your best friends. Use them. Keep them updated. There is never a reason to not be shielded. There is also never a reason to not have your house protected. At least once a month, update your wards, cleanse and banish everything, and recharge your home’s energy. Don’t worry, you can set your wards to whitelist your approved spirit family and any specific spirits you want to lure in, but it’s best to not allow just anyone in off the street. Consider placing sigils around to mark your territory as your own, or you may find someone or something trying to move in and claim your house for themselves! 

9. Know the facts about spirit attacks. The first rule is that you’re probably NOT being attacked. If you have to think “Was that a spirit? Am I being attacked?” you’re definitely not being attacked. Spirits are empowered by your fear, they WANT you to know they’re attacking you. One time when I was attacked, the spirit broke my rainbow fountain right in front of me in a way that made both separate lights simultaneously only glow blood red. That doesn’t just happen. And then they immediately and obviously tried to pull me out of my body so they could take it over. The other two times, the spirits tried so hard to suck me out of my body that it made me disoriented and felt like someone was vacuuming my head while my body felt cold. Spirit attacks are always obvious because they’re trying to scare you. Which leads to the second rule: NEVER PANIC. The more afraid you are, the more power they have over you. Stay calm, put up a shield, call a trusted alley to aid you, and banish their ass to next week. Remember, most spirits who attack are just bullies looking for a new toy to torment. Even a simple “fuck off” can give them the message you’re not worth the trouble.

10. Be prepared before opening up to possession. Possession is real, and it can be dangerous. With a trusted ally, it’s tons of fun, and you can even ask them to handle things like chores for you. With literally anyone else, you’re putting your life at risk. There is nothing stopping a strong enough spirit from throwing you off the nearest bridge. The good news is that forced, full possession is rare. The bad news is it can still happen, and it’s very hard to stop when it does. This is why it’s so important to vet your spirit allies before allowing them close to you, ESPECIALLY before letting them possess you. If a spirit shows any sign of not respecting your boundaries, get them the hell out of your life. Luckily, partial possession is much more common (when you’re still in control but either being influenced, or only your limbs are moving without your input). This version can be fought off via internal struggle or countered with a cleansing spell or an ally’s help.

11. Get creative with offerings. Offerings are Spiritwork 101. You won’t be getting a lot of help from spirits if you don’t pay them back. But the important part is knowing exactly what to give them. There are certainly things that are standard, and things that are easy enough to guess (Moon water for the moon goddess, flowers for the nature spirit, etc.) But the best offerings are ones that are personal, creative, and meaningful. Your fairy friend probably has a thousand flowers, but have they tried your pancakes? Would your familiar like a friendship bracelet in their favorite color? Hell, does your ancient ancestor want to try Starbucks? Also note that offerings can be experiences, not just gifts. Some spirits love to hear new music. Jevil loves to possess me and play games, or even just watch me play them. And Seam likes to be cuddled while he possesses a body pillow, or to be read to. The better you get to know your spirit friends, the more ways you’ll find to make them happy.

12. Recognize a spirit calling, but don’t answer them all. As you progress in spirit work, you’ll start receiving “spirit callings”. Callings are different for everyone, but they’re generally feelings of obsession over a certain spirit. You may find yourself thinking “everything would be okay if X was here” when you’re having a bad day. You may find yourself wanting to know everything about them. You might notice signs of them, such as feathers if they have wings.  If it’s a pop culture spirit, you may start obsessively tracking down fanworks of them. If you can’t get a spirit out of your mind, you’re probably being called! This means that good things could happen if you work with this spirit (though it does NOT mean the relationship will last forever!). However, this doesn’t mean you should answer ever single calling. It’s always important to know your limits. If you already have lots of spirits hanging around, adding one more won’t benefit you or them, no matter how strongly you’re called to them. Remember, there will always be another calling. 

13. Know your limits. Speaking of which, remember that you’re responsible for your spirits, and you should never take on more than you can handle. Spirit hoarding is a real thing, and it’s harmful to everyone involved. Know how many spirits you can handle at once, and know how close you can get to each of them. My astral temple is designed to let dozens of spirits come and go as they please, but of those, I’m only comfortable getting truly close to exactly two at a time. There is no shame in letting a spirit you no longer need go before bringing in a new one. There is also no shame in not being perfect. If you need some space for a few days, take it. If all you can muster today is a halfhearted “hello” to your familiar, do it. Your spirit allies will always be there waiting once you’re feeling better. If they’re true allies, they’ll understand if you’re not feeling well and need some time to yourself.