#help i dont know what else to put here
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First post on Tumblr feeling good ( ╹▽╹ )
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update on me
Since its been three years, and most of mutuals have gone, i suppose its time to re-introduce myself?
My name is Elizabeth, if you want to nickname me you can call me ‘Liz’ or ‘Beth’ (or something entirely different, just tell me first haha)
i actually now have a proper blog, link: https://mybecominghappy.com/
Its called mybecominghappy. It just about my mental health journey, and i post weekly, with some posts inbetween with essays or articles ive written.
I’m AroAce, 19, and from New Zealand.
The things im currently instrested in are: Photography, writing, Taylor Swift, fashion, cats (the animal, not the musical). wigs
The fandoms im currently in: Taylor Swift, School Spirits, criminal minds, Care bears, Umbrella academy
#help i dont know what else to put here#what else do you want to know?#ive just blanked#nz#new zealand#aroace#aro#ace#aromantic#asexual#photography#writing#taylor swift#swifties#fashion#pretty cats#cats#i have three cats#wigs#bc i have a pixie cut and its not my vibe#school spirits#criminal minds#care bears#the umbrella academy
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so. uh. Wild Life finale huh
#wild life spoilers#life series spoilers#uhhhh okay wait i need to ramble a bit more here first to then get into the finale stuff#because. im putting my thoughts and spoilers in the tags#so fun fact i waited for 3 hours avoiding spoilers for Pearl’s pov to then find out it’s getting posted tmr#so. those were 3 insanity inducing hours#anyway. so uh. what the fuck was that#it was wild. ill give it that. it was wild and nothing else#the winner seemed fitting the final battle IS wild but. okay? i dont. what arcs actually got resolved here#that just didnt feel like a proper ending yknow??? i know its improv and all that and none of it is planned but. i can at least say that i#feel like the wild card mechanic as a whole was too intrusive for a life series gimmick#and as a result none of the established arcs/plots/relationships can get a somewhat satisfying conclusion. because oh wowie theres a fucking#snail chasing me again. oh theres vexes everywhere oh wow hey uh Gem i know we haven’t really come to any meaningful end to this fight we’ve#been having all season but can you help me with a trivia question. oh oopsies you died to a vex. oh well#so those are my. initial thoughts#Scott getting permakilled by a shot meant for Joel was awesome though 10/10#mcyt
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girl... kill!!!!
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#revue proseka#please watch revue starlight Please watch revue starlight. look at me. toxic lesbians with swords. theatre kids. god complexes.#a giraffe. the best ost youve ever heard from a bushiroad franchise or anything else ever. a banana. PLEEEASEE.#canon lesbians. Canon divorce between two 17 year old girls who never actually got married. Please watch revue starlight#I love my revstar aus cause its when its at kamiyama its like emu doesnt even go here. and when its at miyajou its like AN doesnt GO HERE#avtuay Actually OKAY You giys see th e . Um. The. L. An#nooo... nooooo...... no... nuh uh.... im going back to bed#original caption was maim bite timeloop bite bite attack blood etc. thought that was too on the nose#leaving the caption empty. this is yuri. dont know what to put there. Who give a fuck#HELP THE LAST LIKE 4 POSTS HAVE BEEN EMUS AT 4AM ALMOST EXACTLY. THEYRE PUTTING ME DOWN NEXT WEEK
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Cuz why tf do i have to do literally everything on my own without an ounce of any freaking help
#being independent is all fun n games#until you realize how freaking exhausting it is#explain to me how i as a college student#am supposed to come up with money#for a new car#& to move out#while also paying for my bills#putting gas in my death trap of a vehicle#as well as other things#WITH NO HELP#like fucc dude can i get a break#or like idk 2% of help#like what am i supposed to do here#i ask for help & nobody seems to freaking care#& i know the worlds not gonna stop spinning jus bc i want it to#but i rly dont think im asking for a lot here#like do i have to get into a rly bad accident#for anyone to take my car shit seriously?#i wanna ask for help but why ask when ive asked#a million other times#and it feels like ive received nothing#i know my feelings are not always the true reality#& i know people care#but fucc dude.#how many times do i have to complain about the same fucking thing before anything changes#why must i do EVERYTHING on my freaking own#& everyone else has parents or some form of fucking help.
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I think that until we can get past abusing children in the talent industry, all teenagers should be played by adults with no complaints from the viewers. I know teenagers need to see themselves AND they need to see actual teenagers so they don't feel insecure about bot looking 20 at 16, but until there is no danger in casting actual teenagers as teenagers, that all needs to be found somewhere else because a child's safety should not be considered less important than entertainment or even other children's self image, which is of course important, but is not as immediately important as abuse. Do you get what I'm saying?
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.
#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading#oc#im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people#im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though#besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol#sketch#god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking#colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING#and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement#it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it#put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead#ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it#the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does#rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares#which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down#and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.
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Hmm.
#personal#thinking about how much i talk about writing meaning something and that something is always best when its earnestly true to the writer#and then again about how a lot of my writing recently hasnt felt entire true or rather doesnt actually deal with the parts of me that#i would actually want to#and then good news figured out what those are and why its been so hard to put it into words#its about being a trans woman of course all the fantasy and worldbuilding and mechs and everything#but its never felt entirely right because how could it? when i dont even know what being a trans woman means to me?#how can i possibly create from that in any meaningful way to either discuss or disect it or even just to understand it#and the reason for why i dont (maybe cant) dig into those ideas is because im fucking terrified#what other response could there be to seeing transmysoginy rolled out as a structural force and how many other trans women its destroyed#so what else is there to be but be terrified? and just sit in the irony of pretending to be anything else#been scared so long that it feels normal. doesnt even register as fear very often any more#and every day taking that core idea of myself the real truth of myself and butchering it so the lie can live#because the lie is safe and familiar#and the truth might kill me even when its the first time ive ever been alive#being on hrt helps of course. but that also puts a deadline on the truth and what kind of life is that? mine i guess#and all this being in tags proves that terror is real and present and god fucking damn it#and here i am all 'boohoo! poor K! isnt she suffering so much?' fuck's sake
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I've been thinking and. Should I just. Merge my blogs and put everything here. Cause at first I made seperate blogs because I didn't want to bombard everyone with nonsense every couple of months about some new characters I found so I kept making seperate blogs especially cause I didn't anticipate it happening again and again but now I'm like. Should I just stick everything under this blog. Or at the very least cut it down to two blogs where I have this one and the second one can just be for my every couple of monthly nonsense where I spew about whatever I found.
#truthfully I normally dont go througg this much new media this often anyway.#Night at The Museum and Lone Ranger came from accidentals. NaTM was from me wanting to get more dialog from Lightning’s-#-voice actor and accidentally getting attachtched to other characters and Lone Ranger was because I saw it on the-#-Disney Infinity game which I got to play Cars on there and got curious and then got doubley curious because-#-I realized that Jackson's voice actor was the lead role and then watched it and again accidentally got attached.#Stanley Parable was one of those things I do where I know there are characters from a media that I will catch feelings for-#-and so I purposely put off watching that media until I'm in the moment where I want to/can deal with it. My brother just-#-happened to decide to get me a game off of my Steam wishlist for my birthday and so that came out of the blue.#And that has all been within just this one year. Which is unusual for me. It's normally at a maximum every-#-six months or so I may find something but this has been. Something else.#And I got another thing that I am watching now that I have held off for around 5-6 years for several reasons.#One of them being I knew I would catch feelings for the two leads so I just avoided it and stuffed it under my bed.#But I have noticed that the rush of new things breaks my emotional blockage dam because the feelings and yapping-#-just must burst and. Having that uhm...overload? I suppose? I dont know what to call it- but having that surge-#-of good bouncy positive kicking my feet feelings helps a lot with depressive-like episodes and so-#-sometimes I will intentionally pick up a new media if I am getting thrown through a bit of a loop.#I just. wauurugugh. aurgh. I cant tell if I am overthinking all of this or not. Because I feel a bit..funny already having such an-#-F/O list. I feel even more funny if I can't even keep it contained to one media and really have just a bucket list of characters-#-that I end up liking cause I keep picking ones up. And truthfully it *technically* doesnt entirely end there because there-#-are still some past F/Os that I think i feel iffy about sharing but it feels nonsensical to add them.#I just. dont know if people really care as much as I think they do about me getting silly burst over new characters.#I actually had a friend who used to get excited whenever it happened they were entertained by me losing my marbles.#hmmmm.....#but I have been considering just merging all my nonsense just to here. I'd consider doing a poll for it-#-if it wasn't for a maximum of two people that will answer. maybe I'll do it anyway for the sake of anonymity.#Maybe I am thinking too hard about this and it is simply just a shrug of the shoulders. I dont know.#I mean I suppose I always have anon asks on. Anyone could speak their mind there and I'd geniunely be non the wiser.#oh my goodness I went to add the selfshipping tags and I couldnt because I reached the maximum tags.#I knew I would do it one day. here it is. hello world. wow.
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men are inherently traumatized under the patriarchy bc they're pressured or forced to conform to the standards of manhood, which to put very simply, is to never express of feel emotions, which makes them bad at socializing, thus rendering them eternally isolated.
#it IS inherently traumatizing to bottle everything up or only be able to express it in indirect ways.#even more so to be told you HAVE to live life that way or else you're not Man Enough.#its like trapping an explosion- sure everything outside was left unscathed but the inside of whatever you used to trap it with is fucked#you just. rot from the inside out when you ignore your own pain 'for others sake'#i put that in quotation marks because a lot of the things guys are taught to believe are a burden for others to 'deal with' emotions wise#is like any other day of the week when women are openly loudly and unapologetically talking about it.#the inherent isolation that comes when you are/are perceived as a man is no joke.#everyone else follows the rules of the patriarchy so they dont think to ask you how you feel nor think you even need it#all it takes it one really rough day. and you and i BOTH know these (cis specifically) men dont have ANY of the therapy tools#necessary to help themselves through that pit. bc its 'not masculine' to go to therapy .-.#i think this is the huge wall we all run into here. like no its not any womans obligation to be a therapist to a man. at the same time#the [more often than not cis] men we have these days are more likely to go to therapy but the 'therapy is gay' thing still has a good#stronghold. at the very least guys always see it as someone having a weakness if they need to go. so what we need to do is somehow#convince cis men that therapy is fine and normal actually and good for you even. bc the shame around going to therapy means#we'll always be stuck here.#dont be a therapist but at the very least- let me ask you to pass on the message of how therapy is good and doesnt detract from their#masculinity. and dont say it in a snobbish 'i told you so' way either. deeply unhelpful and ur just doing it to fuel ur own ego.
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Most of the unordinary fics are on ao3 and wattpad so that's why there's not much on here!
Oh, I meant more along the lines of people that promote their fics or mention said fics or OCs on here. There is not much here, last I checked, but that post was also an old one from my drafts
It's along the lines of "I don't want to put in the time and attention to read a whole fanfic" but still want to get a gist and see what other people are doing, so mentions and snippets on here work out better for me
Like incorrect quotes, or when people make small rants about what they like or think about their OCs and what they do/are like. I get to see people's passion for their OCs and fics in that too, especially since some thoughts just don't make it to the written product but still exist to the maker alone
#thank u helpful anon#i just wanted to see mentions on here instead of full-blown stuff#i dont post full-blown stuff either; just general ideas for my own fics#ask#anon#fic#fanfiction#fanfic#oc#unordinary#the last time i went to one of those sites to read a whole fic for unordinary was *checks history* five or so years ago?#im kinda picky so i like short stuff too so that i dont get critical over someone elses passion when i see it fleshed out too much#and can start to judge#im a book editor and this is to the point i cant read other published books without finding something i deem wrong#i dont want to do this to other peoples writing over fandoms they like so i generally keep away from others#short enough to pique and satisfy interest and short enough to not become a villain#kinda branched off of the answer but thanks for the ask#(i mean the editor thing as in [his dick cannot be that big] and [stop putting drawings over the text no one can read it-])#(or serious books that also dont know what capitalization is and so every name and sentence starts with lowercase)
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i wanna make more friends on here guys… but i’m a tumblr noob idk how it rly works… if u see this PLS be my friend… Pls ❤️ Peace and love
#yuri on ice#yoi#arcane#dandadan#friendship idk#friends#mutuals#i dont know what else to put here#banana fish#help#be my friend
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just made a huge mistake (<- started a long fic, somehow missed ALL THE FUCKING IMPORTANT TAGS. such as ‘no happy ending’ and ‘major character death’ and ‘horror au’)
#WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN READING A HORROR FIC#I DONT LIKE HORROR??????? I CAN BARELY TOLERATE MOVIE GORE??????????? SOMEONE HELP ME#JAYME KNOWS THIS. IM A FUCKING WIMP WHEN IT COMES TO HORROR MOVIES#im better at reading horror but like its not something i usually put myself through#i dont know how i missed these tags i really dont#i saw ‘childhood friends au’ and the summary was funny and i was like neat!!!! lets do it!!!#HOW DID I MISS EVER FUCKJNG THING ELSE IN THOSE TAGS#i tried to scroll down and read the last couple paragraphs so i could know what was coming BUT IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE OUT OF CONTEXT#SO I HAVE TO FUCKJNG READ IT#FUCK IT WE BALL I GUESS BUT LIKE#JESUS#IM UNPREPARED ITS 1AM I CANT DO THIS#AND JAYME ISNF EVEN HERE TO LISTEN TO ME YELL OH MY GOODDDDDDDDDD#IM GONNA HAVE FO SEND HIM A FUCKING EMAIL#THIS ISNT NEGATIVE BTW IM JUST SHAKING AND BEING DRAMATIC#tally txt
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I can't sleep again.
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#лёва паспрабуе АДК#it's not about that. i'm just tired.#(stayed up too late for the first time in a while)#well... it compounded the issues.#i look like some guy with my blurry vision and yet its not enough and i dont know WHY#i do know why. have you ever not been seen?#flipped the coin from independence within my grasp to nothing is ever going to get me out of here#not even 'getting out of there' got me out#i can't wait for guard season again but i'm worried it's only going to put me right back into the depression mines#... seasonal depression notwithstanding#i need to make a choice at auditions and its whether i will be out; as me - and hopefully have a better season because of it#or just... stay like this. forever.#... my consult is right before second auditions pretty much. schedule that month is looking full..#anyways its not fair of me to expect anyone to check in on me#especially when one of my housemates seems to ... Also be going through it#and i can tell you now which of us is actually likely to talk about it and its NOT me#i'm not built for this idk. i never should have taken her up on that job offer.#...... i'm thinking about relapsing again. more seriously considering it.#i KNOW it's not good i KNOW it won't help but i dont know what fucking else will!!!!#remember when it felt like i was getting hobbies again?? so much for that..#.. i need to pull life into my *own* control but i need help to get there#and i can't even imagine being fully independent#... even if i'm taking all the right steps to get there#the MOST annoying revelation was that i could Maybe Actually benefit from therapy and the second most was that if i tell her this there is#almost no way any therapist she finds will be queer friendly#going to dig myself out of it. as always. mostly just not pushing myself right now but GOD does it suck.
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#im sleep deprived or more like im having another brain fog moment#i also realize i might have undiagnosed something#too many backlogs which understandably is my fault#im too slow and inept to manage my time no matter how much people try to help me#why am i still here i have no idea either#why do they even put up with my bullshit is beyond me#i dont know what else to do right now....#god help me...
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