#hellbrain

[apathetic-revenant]

you see in the daydream when I go to the hospital and they come and explain that I'm missing the Vitamin, they say this is why you couldn't make it better. they say we ran the bloodwork and the bloodwork says it wasn't your fault. all this time, it wasn't your fault.

[atomicfuturism]

never posting csr content ever again tbh 🙏🙏🙏

[leafkidsblog]

REALLY SUFFERING RIGHT NOW AAAAAAGGH

[colloquialcolors]

me, after a week and a half of gradually increasing dysfunction: well! im not feeling the large dips in emotional state as aggressively, so thats good, i think 👍 not an ominous sign or anything 👍👍👍👍

me: and im no longer feeling large spikes of positive emotions but im sure thats like. fine. and a sign of lack of escapism or something. im sure if i combine a few low energy high emotional reward tasks and interests in juuuust the right way ill find the secret Positive Emotion button.

me: unfortunately i am. Too Tired to do the positive emotion tasks. but haha thats how it be. time to lie down. wuh oh where did dinner go. haha oops. granola bar time.

me:

me: ah. shit.

[incineraryperiphery]

do you think machines can starve

wing ver below the cut

[superhellbrains]

Done doodles of Nikki cause I don’t draw her enough

[hellbrainspeaks]

I really hate that I have to refer to my sleep cycle as a disorder. If I can sleep with no other difficulties besides when my natural circadian rhythm decides it’s time to wake up and fall asleep, why am I considered the problem. Humans socially engineered the 9-5 schedule, that’s an artificial barrier we constructed for ourselves, and is a very recent development in history. Why is that the norm and me the problem. Evolution didn’t design us with jobs and schedules and money in mind

[oriocookie]

me, ranting about a random show: "and the writing is SO bad! it's like, even worse than mia and me in terms of cringiness-"

my poor unsuspecting friend: "wait what's mia and me? i dont think i heard you talk about that one?"

me:

(she was stuck in the car with me for 47 minutes after that)

[cappyjara]

Started reading Gregor the Overlander yesterday on my break and today my coworkers found a bat in the building. What does this mean for me.

[sezja]

Febuwhump Day 23: Presumed Dead Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Characters/Ship: Mallius, Original Characters (Darcy) Triggers/Content warnings: Food insecurity/disordered eating

It's barely a footnote in the reports coming out of Eorzea; Mallius might have missed it if he'd not been idly skimming while waiting for his companions to return. He'd read past it, then something about it seized his attention, and he'd found himself paralyzed, staring at one name in particular.

"Unit of five covert agents believed lost, along with cargo. Presumed dead." A list of five names, most of them unfamiliar - provincials, mostly; aan chosen for their lack of a Garlean third eye rather than skill. Four unfamiliar names...

And one Mallius knows. Or knew, once.

Darcelyn oen Dremelus, the report reads. Signifer, unclassified.

Dead, then.

A queer numbness spreads through him, a distant pain.

"You know they're only sending me to Eorzea to get myself killed."

He blinks, shaking his head. Deaths are common where the savages yet reign; every day brings new reports of casualties - more and more since Dalamud's fall. An assignment to an Eorzean castrum is all but a death sentence: a fit place for tucking away lackluster recruits, underwhelming engineers... and fireball-flinging malcontents, forever shirking their duties and arguing with their superiors.

Needing a walk, abruptly, Mallius abandons his wait for his companions, walking out instead into the frigid air.

"Well, at least it'll be warmer there, I suppose."

It'd been years since he'd last seen them, when out of the blue Darcelyn had tracked him down and dragged him out for drinks, despite his protests that his work demands a clear head - but then, when had they ever cared about a hard day's work, theirs or anyone else's? For as long as Mallius could recall, Darcelyn had been a notorious slacker; how many punishments had it earned them? How often had their rations been cut, once their superiors learned hunger was a powerful motivator?

They'd been stick-thin when Mallius saw them last, that night; too thin to be drinking as much as they did. There had been a hectic light in their eyes that bordered on madness when there was a lull in the conversation - which came often; Mallius was no conversationalist, and they had little enough to talk about, having drifted apart since their childhood.

His mother will want to know they're dead, Mallius realizes. She's the closest thing Darcelyn has to a next of kin, what with old Dremelus dying a year ago. His mother had always been kind to the child so many others had dismissed as a half-breed or worse; more than anything Mallius himself had done, that was what made Darcelyn latch onto him in their youth - he hadn't wanted to befriend someone who would only make him tainted by association, but he'd been unable to shake them off, no matter how he tried.

He'd snuck them food, though, when they'd gone hungry - first because Dremelus' many other wards stole their food, and later when they'd been punished by teachers... and still later, in their training years, when they'd been put on short rations for disobedience and insubordination.

It hadn't even occurred to him to wonder what ever became of them when, inevitably, their specializations pulled them apart: he'd begun the extensive training necessary to become a link in Garlemald's extensive information network, binding the Empire together with spies and secrets... and Darcelyn, he'd supposed, had gone on to train with whatever it was mages trained with. Mallius hadn't spared them a thought.

And now...

"You know they're only sending me to Eorzea to get myself killed."

They'd sounded certain of it. He'd scoffed, knowing if they were wanted dead, there were ways to arrange it here in Garlemald without wasting the effort of sneaking covert agents into Eorzea.

But now...

"Damn it all," he mutters, shoving his hands into his pockets and scowling into the wind. "You should've just deserted."

How long might they have lasted, he wonders, if they'd just run? They looked Eorzean enough at a glance, and no one would mistake that mess for a Garlean spy. Assuming they could keep their head down and their mouth shut, Darcelyn could've easily passed for some vagrant, he's sure of it. He's heard enough about the chaos and madness going on in Eorzea to believe even they could pass unnoticed, for a time.

What a waste.

It hurts, he realizes, startled; it hurts more than it ought to, for someone he wouldn't even properly call a friend. They'd been miserable, unhappy - starved, literally and figuratively. Always seeking something they couldn't find here, never entirely certain what it might be-

And they'd sought him out at the last, he supposes, hoping someone might miss them when they were gone.

"I suppose you got what you wanted," he says aloud, ignoring the curious glances from passers-by. "Find some kind of peace with it, if you can. Some of us have work to get back to."

[1o1percentmilk]

i am trying so so hard to make hatojosetou happen u guys

[3d-destro]

Many lost souls

A fanart of Orva from @superhellbrains' game For the Goddess! She found an unexpected amount of lost souls-

I had so much fun with that game, definitely go check it out!

[starrysurprises]

little funny when you make an OC and your friends circle like wolves

[colloquialcolors]

*voice muffled from lying facedown on my bed trying to generate the willpower to operate like a regular person (eat food) and also do some catchup work before work tomorrow* well. at least i have my gay hyperfixation rabbit hole focus for my brain to bounce around like a basketball

[mauvecardigans]

actually, you know what? my anxiety must be okay. sure, i jumped right to the "oh god oh jeez oh man" train of thought, but i'm not wigging out about it like i could be. like, i'm breathing normally and all. so that's -- something.

[superhellbrains]

Keep forgetting to post here have a cat