#heartbre

[whiskersofakitten]

and maybe he just wanted to stargaze.

i am sensitive.

but not in the "takes-everything-personal-why-did-you-use-that-tone?" kind of way.

sensitive like movies touch me in a way that burns or aches, everything is profound and frustratingly sentimental, and the right fingertips on my ribcage can make me hyperventilate.

playing it cool? baby, if i'm playing it cool, i am just cool.

because the last thing a girl like me will do is play it cool.

i'm not nonchalant, i'm vibrant. i'll come into your life and turn it technicolor. listen, confession, i've done a lot of different colored powders. my curiosity is so lethal i can't die knowing i didn't experience every state my body and mind is capable of...yeah.

and maybe that's the difference between me and you. because i believe i could be everything and do everything. i'm fearless with my feelings and honest in a way that scares you. and you'd rather die having not experienced the threshold of life.

and you'll let me go and not bother to fight because i'm too much.

but pretty to watch.

like when i poured my heart out to you and you said you liked that i was so bothered.

and that sent me into an all-out spiral.

and you smiled and i thought why in god's green earth are you smiling like that...

and do you remember what you said to me? you said, "i was just thinking about how pretty you are, let's go outside and call you a car."

and i cried in the backseat and the only thing that comforted me was at least you think i'm pretty.

pretty.

pretty.

pretty.

i guess that's all i'll ever be remembered as, pretty and funny. yeah, you said im funny once. but when you said it, and i asked why you said it was because of my timing. interesting. timing.

that night i couldn't talk right... not because i was nervous, no. it felt like when you're being hunted and finally just surrender.

"like a prey animal that knows it's done running."

to be honest, you looked at me like you wanted to fuck me and i was trying to be offended but unfortunately i looked at you with doe eyes that played the part and you licked your lips and that's when i knew you were the type to play with your food.

and so you let me walk alone... 2 blocks down to my station. yes, let bambi figure it out on her own.

you have this internal time clock that tells you when to go so you never stay and you never walk me all the way.

and maybe it's okay that you just want to stargaze.

and i'm so shiny and bright and all my life i've been called "stargirl" and all my friends compare me to the sun but really i feel like i'm sitting on the edge of the moon, dangling my feet.

and you love it.

and you stargaze. i'm your favorite constellation. pretty, no doubt.

the first time you described us, you said we were star-crossed, to which i replied, "so you think we're destined for doom?"

and you said "no, like kismet."

and i laughed because you taught me something new. kismet is one thing. star-crossed is another. i never corrected you because i knew what you meant.

but baby, star-crossed ends in tragedy. to be star-crossed is to have the stars against us.

to be the greatest love story never told.

and i guess looking back... you said it right the first time.

and maybe it's okay that you just wanted to stargaze.

and maybe it's okay you'll never make it to the moon.

and maybe it's okay because we really are just passing through.

and maybe we were just a star-crossed supernova. star-crossed because we never crossed. saved from the tragedy.

or maybe you just wanted to stargaze,

and i love to romanticize.

and maybe it's nothing special, and i just poeticize.

brutal.

to think if you ever read this, you'd wonder who it was about. that's the thing about you... you always had your doubts.

like the Big Bang,

and astrology,

[and a man on the moon.]

[veeswift]

❝strangers...to lovers...to enemies❞

[manitapaleta]

READ @owl-ghost ‘s RECENT ONE SHOT THE ANGST RUINED MY LIFE SO I DREW SOME FLUFF 😭😭😭 to feel better ❤️‍🩹 (they’re in a supply closet or smth at D.A.D.D.I.E.S. don’t ask me idk)

[ghostofnuggetspast]

This is awesome

[melodyvega1967]

Part 6 out now!

[mixedupmojo]

Weird isekai idea that I had that I just wanted to realise into the wild.

Ok so you know how there are multiple stories out there about reader getting transported into the world of journey to the west and then ending up tagging along as the pilgrims make their way west. Here's the thing most of the time these story's take place once the group has already been assembled or the reader ends up meeting Tripitaka first.

So here's the thought what if reader meets Wukong before the group has a chance to get together. Let me explain.

So imagine reader has just arrived in a strange new world and they have absolutely no clue where they are or how they got there and are freaking out really badly. So they start calling out to see if there is anyone nearby that can help them and after a good few minutes of wandering around and shouting for help they suddenly get a reply. Relived they rush towards the voice, only to find that the person that was calling to them wasn't a person but a monkey that looks to be trapped within the rock of a mountain. And it only takes them a second to realise that this isn't just any monkey but thee monkey, the monkey king, Sun Wukong himself and somehow they've been transported into the story of journey to the west. Their internal crisis soon gets interrupted as Wukong starts asking if they wouldn't mind helping him out with his situation. Knowing the story not to mention what Wukong's capable of they immediately disagree much to Wukong's outrage. At Wukongs outburst they go to leave but that’s when they realise that they still have no clue where they are and what's worse no idea who could help them except for maybe Tripitaka so they resolve to wait for him much to Wukong confusion. Realising that it might not be a good idea to tell him that they are not exactly from this world they stick with the hopelessly lost excuse. which Wukong responds with that he would be happy to help them out if they let him out which is an obvious no so things quickly devolve into a stale mate.

Days go by and they end up talking a lot, with Wukong casually trying to convince them to take off the seal every now and then and them always refusing. But as the days go by the more anxious and worried reader gets after all they have no idea at what point in the story they are and it could very well be a hundred year before Tripitaka will eventually show up. Food and shelter are also a worry as they've managed to get by due to it being summer and there is plenty to forage and a small cave nearby that they've been using for shelter but they know it won't last forever. but most of all they really, really want to go home they miss their family their friends they miss their life. More time goes by and day by day reader and Wukong bond even more to the point where the monkey king has actually grow quite fond of them and cares quite a lot to the point that he starts helping them out in what little ways he can. He even stops constantly trying to get them to remove the seal on the mountain only occasionally asking every now and then and its usually only after he see them struggling, instead he's taking the time to ask them about themselves and find out more about them and in return he tell them about himself usually stories of his glory days. eventually they come clean about the fact that they are not from this world and how they have no idea how they got here or how to get home, breaking down a bit as Wukong resolves to help in any way he can. Then one day it happens completely unprompted reader suddenly get up and start walking away at first Wukong doesn't think anything of it as they often leave to look for food and other such things but as the hours go by and they've yet to come back Wukong starts to worry think that something bad might have happened to them before he gets the horrible thought that they might have just finally got sick of waiting and left him. Stewing in his thought the monkey king slowly growing more and more enrage and heartbroken at the potential betrayal. when suddenly he can feel it, he can feel the mountain shift and he realise what they have done. It's after another few hours pass that he hears them running down the mountain catching a quick sight of them as they run past him. it doesn't take him long to realise that they are getting a safe distance away and he waits a few more hours before he finally breaks free. Meanwhile your despriatly trying to catch your breath as you watch the entire mountain explode chunks of rock flying in all directions and your barely able to make out a reddish orange blur coming towards you before your enveloped in a bone crushing hug.

Thus beings their own journey to find a way to get reader home.

I dunno I just really like the idea of Guanyin or Tripitaka turning up and Wukong not being there and all of haven freaking out because the monkey king is on the loose and no one has any idea where he is.

[theqrianana]

Shoko: *hears about Gojo's lockscreen*

Shoko to Gojo: So you like me?

Satoru: It's not l---

Shoko: Same.

Satoru: 😮

Shoko: I like me too.

SuguNanaHai behind the bushes: 🤣🤣🤣

so i finally looked up what wa.ka inoue looks like. jj.k fans might remember her as the model g.ojo has as the background of his phone as a student. and i must say ... sashisu fans never lose.

[soobnny]

the first snowflake — hwang hyunjin. unrequited love. comfort. best friends to ? (1.0k words)

your best friend comforts you over unrequited love

“Jinnie, what are we doing here?”

It’s a simple question for a simple person like your best friend who has taken the ground for a bed, laying among the grass and patting the space next to him—a silent invitation for you to join him. You follow quietly, allowing yourself the moment to not trip over your own feet and just exist.

There’s a gap between you both, a small buffer, but it’s not wide enough that Hyunjin can still pull you at arm’s length if anything happens.

He turns his head so he’s looking at you. There’s a small smile on his face, eyes focused on your own. “You were crying this morning. Isn’t it quiet here?”

“A little.”

When you’d knocked on his door with tears in your eyes, he let you cry. For seconds, or minutes, or hours, you don’t really remember. You can only recall the ice cream he’d bought you after and how he’d held your hand to take you where you are now.

The small gesture of kindness brings a lump to your throat. Hyunjin has always known the way you resort to isolation when you’re upset, how you prefer the silence to help you think. So, he allows you the time to think things through, but he offers his quiet presence so you don’t have to be alone.

His company makes you feel rested, far more than you have in a while. You have been too tired menaced by unrequited love and the obvious truth that Chan does not feel the same way. He’s captivated by someone else—prettier, smarter. What a long way to be in love with him for years only to arrive at loneliness. But there is nothing you can do but continue to live within the confines of a love you cannot control.

How ironic, the season of giving is taking and taking away from you.

“What if the first snowflake falls today?”

“Then I’ll lend you my coat.”

“But you’ll be cold.”

“I can handle it until we get home.”

Hyunjin always has a response for everything, and you soften from the uneasy stance you’d taken. You hate being upset in front of Hyunjin, it makes you feel pathetic. Even more so because he’s never given you a reason to feel pathetic in front of him, and it makes you guilty that you even feel this way in the first place.

You snap back to awareness when you feel his hand on yours. They’re long and slender, engulfing yours with ease. The warmth grounds you and temporarily eases the uneasy look on your face. You let your eyes flicker down to your hands before training them back on the sky.

You allow yourself to watch the sky for a long time, indifferent to everything else, until a question blocks your vision. Something you wish you could answer.

Why couldn’t Chan just have looked at you? Even just once?

You had submerged yourself too long until you’d drowned. You would look at the boy with love, but it was never reciprocated. You could’ve been a good girlfriend if you weren’t the only one falling.

When he’d introduced to you the girl he’s been taking on dates, you’d heard the first crack of your heart. Still, you’d played your part—the supportive friend, until it was an appropriate time to excuse yourself. And when you’d made the move to leave, you’d hovered for a few extra seconds, waiting. Eyes trained on the boy. Waiting.

You don’t even know why. You know he’d never look back. But you had hoped he would. You were always hoping with Chan.

You feel a gentle squeeze on your hand. It’s Hyunjin. You didn’t even tell him why you’d been crying, but you have a slight inkling that he knows. He has always been more in tune with his emotions than you. He’s smart, overwhelmingly so, so you have no doubt that he’s aware of your feelings for Chan. But even if he did know, he didn’t say anything. Not until you were ready to tell him.

You stay lying on the grass, watching as the light from the sun slowly drains from the clouds that are hiding it. There is still that pathetic feeling sitting on your chest, akin to heartbreak and embarrassment. You’re too tired to decipher which one. It’s so tiring to have too much to think about, things that have hurt you. It’s starting to get painful.

“I wish love was easier.” You whisper.

There’s a silence that follows. You can tell he’s thinking.

“If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.” Hyunjin sounds utterly human, and there’s a tenderness in him—in his eyes, in the way he’s holding your hand, and in his words. There’s a certain softness to him, and it’s so endearing. You can’t look anywhere else.

“How will I know when I’ll be okay again?”

He takes your hand in his, placing it carefully on your heart. “That’s how you’ll know.”

Something sits with the embarrassment on your chest, but it feels different this time. Something’s changed and you can’t quite put your finger on it. You try not to think about it too much. But you have a feeling it’s vulnerability, something you don’t let slip very often.

You only look away when you spot something from the corner of your eye.

The first snowflake.

“Ah, the first snow of the season.” Flowers sprout from the way Hyunjin chuckles. He’s sat up now, transferring his coat on you as promised. And you feel warm, but not as warm as when he’d held your hand earlier. You resist the urge to reach for his hands, you don’t even know why you want to, but you really really don’t want to think about it.

“Jinnie?”

He looks at you when you call his name, previously closing his eyes in what looks like him making a wish, but he says nothing. He only holds your gaze, and you can’t really tell if he’s thinking of a response or waiting.

“Thank you.” You finish.

He smiles at you.

When he asks if the two of you should leave, it sounds familiar. But you let him go, telling him you’ll stay just for a little while. And maybe if you hadn’t closed your eyes immediately, you would’ve noticed the way he’d stood there for a few seconds. Eyes trained on you. Waiting.

[acontrariis]

chapter 4. the queen's land.

pairing. Aemond Targaryen x Vienna Targaryen (OC) word count. 4.3K warnings. harsh language, some threats of maiming, stalkerish behavior.

⋆ prev. chapter

Zyros being fairly smaller than Vhagar, as every other living dragon, came quite in handy for his plan to work out. 

It was simple enough for them to be able to pull it out, so simple Vienna had her suspicions of it actually working out. The waning moon was the only source of light in the dark of the night. It was exhilarating, her heart was beating so hard it hurt her ribs, the shallow breathing barely filling her empty lungs.

A strong “Sōvēs” urged the dragons to take flight as the young riders braced themselves. 

She was terrified.

He was spiraling.

It was exhilarating.

It was insane.

The pain from unused muscles she never knew she had, the warmth of the dragon’s body underneath her, the rope cutting onto her skin.

She felt alive.

Seeing Aemond riding Vhagar was a vision in itself. His composure and control, showed the confidence of someone who had been born to fly a dragon. 

And for the first time in her life, Vienna felt she was exactly where she belonged.

They took their time, to the possible onlookers, it was just the Prince on an evening stroll across the skies. 

To them, it was the beginning of the rest of their lives.

That short flight had changed something in them, they could both feel it. Her rosy cheeks and watery eyes, not yet used to the cold wind, were met with the pure joy of a childlike laugh. 

The happy sound echoed through the clouds, infecting the previously stoic prince, who felt the smile that had yet to leave his face. He felt like a child again, riding for the very first time, the loud thumping in his veins reminding him how alive he was.

This was the most fun either of them had in, well, their entire lives. 

Once they put enough distance between them and the Red Keep, Vienna felt confident enough to challenge him to a race. 

The two dragons danced through the skies following a symphony only they could hear. 

She couldn’t believe this was happening. The years of longing, the haunting cries and ignored prayers had finally paid off. 

Vienna could feel Zyros’ breath as her own, their hearts beating as one in the middle of the night sky.

Tomorrow she would be in trouble. Tomorrow they would yell and reprimand her. She was sure she would be grounded starting tomorrow.

But today… Today she was flying with her dragon for the very first time and no one would take that away from her. 

Neither of them knew how long they were in the air for. Any concept of time lost between childish giggles and excited screams. 

By the time they made it to Driftmark, glimpses of the warm morning light were seen peeking through the sky. 

The cold night air had frozen their cheeks, while the excitement raised their heartbeat.

They found themselves back at the beginning, now with 2 dragons, instead of one. 

And double the secrets than last time.

An awkward silence grew, as the dragons settled on the clover field.

The shining purple from her eyes took him back to another time and Aemond felt the need to say something, as the more she looked at him, the more nervous he became. 

He took a short breath, and offered her his best smile. The one he tended to use when needing to appear calm, in control. 

- “I am Prince…”

He cut himself mid sentence, an unknown shyness overcoming him. 

- “Aemond… My name is Aemond.”

- “I know who you are, Your Highness.”

Aemond flinched at the title. He couldn’t explain it even to himself, but the distance it implied bothered him. 

She bowed before him, a sign of respect she felt he had earned after helping her escape and that sign also helped her further distance herself from him. She liked him, there was no point denying it, nor would she even bother to try. 

As a child she had fallen in love at first sight, like the fairytales Marmee used to read her to sleep. She knew that, and as she grew, came to terms with the heartbreak of her youthful infatuation.

Through the years, the times she thought of him lessened, yet never stopped. She couldn’t help paying more attention when his name was mentioned, an innocent interest that always ended in the same prayer: I hope he’s happy.

- “Thank you, truly. I could never repay you for what you did tonight.”

- “You could tell me your name, to start.”

At that, she let out a little laugh. So much for playing mysterious. 

- “Vienna.”

- “Very nice to meet you again, Vienna.”

She always heard of butterflies and running hearts, and though there was no denying the adrenaline still pumping through her veins, hearing his voice call out her name washed a calming wave over her. 

He wished their interaction was longer. He had so many questions to ask. 

The impending light of the sun warning their time running out. 

A battle of what needed to be done, the looming consequences of their actions and his desire to learn more about her. 

With a small nod signaling a goodbye, she had turned to leave, as he followed every step with his eyes, when she suddenly stopped in her tracks and looked at him over her shoulder. She knew it was time to leave, but that tug in her heart begged to stay if just for an extra minute. 

She just wanted to ask him one last thing, and then she would let him go, she swore to herself. 

- “Are you happy?”

The sincere worry in her voice startled him. He’d heard the question before, mainly as a snarky remark after doing something explicitly disapproved. 

He wanted to reassure her, erase the worry lines between her brow, and yet he didn’t want to lie to her. 

Unsure how to answer the question, he gave her the most sincere answer he could muster. 

- “I’m okay.”

She hesitated for a moment, looking for something, he didn’t know what, in his expression. An eternal second later, as she appeared satisfied, a nod followed her sweet smile. 

Aemond wanted to reach out and touch it… touch her. Fisting his hand on his side, to avoid any further indiscretions, he settled for a curt nod in response. 

As he made his way back home, a cunning smirk adorned his face. 

They would be seeing each other soon, he would make sure of that.

⸺

It took Aemond 9 days to find out everything about her.

… Not that he was counting. 

No one in the castle would openly talk about the missing dragon. 

Most didn’t even know the creature existed, so it wasn’t hard to hide its disappearance, and those who did, preferred to pretend nothing had happened. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, a dragon disappearing in the middle of the night.

Of those that did know, and that were certainly concerned about the beast’s whereabouts, not a word was heard.

No one had directly confronted him or asked about his whereabouts that night. Though, he could feel his family’s stare and notice the hushed conversations that quieted when he came near. 

There wasn’t any point in hiding his actions, not that he ever tried, and once he had all the information he needed, it was time for him to act. 

The King had long stopped attending the morning assembly, leaving it to his Hand and the Queen to deal with their subjects and the everyday handling of delicate matters. 

A formal request such as this would probably best be handled behind closed doors. In the privacy of their chambers. Hell, it would probably be better that he just crashed a Council meeting. 

He knew, however, that if he didn’t make enough noise, the entire thing would just be swept under the rug. 

Who knows what they may even do to her. 

He wouldn’t allow anything to happen to her. 

Silence reigned as the guards announced his presence. The crowd of commoners parting like the red sea to make way for the Prince to step forward. 

Aemond remained stoic, his well-trained mask never slipping, as the heels of his boots hit the ground. Each step bringing him closer to the sworded throne.

Murmurs and hushed whispers was all he could hear, as he knelt in front of the iron throne. 

The question in Alicent’s eyes was clear as she turned to look at her father. It was rare for Aemond to attend these assemblies, and not once had he made a public request. 

- “My Queen, I kneel today before you to ask for your merciful virtue.”

The theatrics had never been his favorite, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make use of them when needed. 

- “It was I who stole the rogue dragon from the pit a few nights ago.”

Alicent could feel the blood draining from her face, as the murmurs increased. This was unspoken of. She had no idea what was going through his mind. 

- “I beg for your forgiveness and consideration, for I meant no harm to our family. I simply returned it to their rightful owner. As I’m sure Father would want me to.”

He could almost laugh, his father was the one that had locked the dragon there. Not that any of these peasants knew that. 

Bowing his head, he softened his face portraying all the regret he couldn’t bring himself to feel.

- “I ask now for your forgiveness and blessing for the woman I intend to marry.”

A choired exclamation filled the room as everyone looked back between the Prince and his mother, who now looked like she wanted to take one of the swords near and throw it at her son. 

As Otto signaled the guards to dismiss the public, Alicent could feel her indignation and fury overcoming her. 

That child was the embodiment of embarrassment and disappointment and he now intended to marry her? Was it not enough to give her a dragon, putting them in danger? How could he do this to her? 

As her rant went on, Aemond calming stood up, patting the dust off his knees. They really needed to do a better job at cleaning this place up. 

- “… And certainly not that… that bastard! I will not–” 

She’s a rider… Aemond’s bored whisper interrupted the Queen’s rant.

- “She’s a rider, Mother.” 

He paused, a decided exhale. 

- “She has Targaryen blood, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to ride.” 

And then he added, as if that wasn’t clear enough. “She’s not a bastard.”

- “I have never asked for anything. I’ve been the perfect son to you and Father, I’ve dedicated my life to being whatever you needed me to. So, as I did years ago, once again, I’m not asking, I’m claiming what’s mine.” 

He stared straight at her, refusing to bow his head as she looked back at him in shock. 

- “I’m choosing Vienna, whatever the cost, for as long as she’ll have me.” 

⸺

- “So the dragon thief turned out to be the whore that broke my hand.” 

Aegon’s voice rang through the hallway. Aemond hurriedly covered his mouth as he slammed him against the wall. 

The hard thud of his head hitting the stone echoed through the castle walls. 

The short haired man was surprised, to say the least, a nervous laugh leaving his body in muffled sounds. He couldn’t believe it. They had never been exactly caring, but Aemond hated touching him. This rage for a comment he knew was meant to pick at him? This was new. 

- “I don’t care that we happen to share the same blood, talk about her again and I will slice your throat and leave your body for the pigs to feast. It will be days before anyone notices you’re gone and I have no problem taking on the role of the Eldest Son, everyone here knows I’ve already been doing the work anyway.”

The color had drained from Aegon’s already pale face, all the laughter quieted down as he felt a drop of warm blood running down his neck. 

There were few people in this life that scared him, his mother being at the top of the list. Through the years, Aemond had become a strong contender for first place. He knew he wasn’t kidding. 

There wasn’t an ounce of humor on his piercing blue eye and he could feel his blood freeze in fear. 

They remained silent for a few minutes, enough for Aemond to feel satisfied by the terror in his brother’s eyes, before letting him go. As the Eldest held against the wall and tried to conceal the coughs from his labored breathing, the long haired man walked away and prepared for his trip.

⸺

Vienna had been ready for the yelling and the cursing, she was even ready to see Marmee finally snap. She said to herself she would understand it, after all, she broke more rules that were worth counting.

That early morning, as she made her way to her chambers, Vienna prepared herself for the chaos she had surely caused. 

What waited for her was entirely different, however.

Marmee’s arms wrapping around her and holding onto her as soft sobs left her was the welcome she received.

- “Thank the gods you are safe. Oh, my child, I am so happy you came back.”

Vienna started to apologize to be quickly cut off, her caretaker holding her by her shoulders so she could see her face.

- “You have nothing to apologize for, not to me, not to anyone else. Do you understand me?”

The young princess could feel her own tears filling her eyes, the events of the past night finally downing on her exhausted body. She had been so scared. 

- “You did nothing wrong, Vienna, I need you to understand that. You are a Targaryen, you survived against all odds and took back your dragon, your birthright. This is what your parents wanted for you. I am so proud of you.”

That was more than she could take, the tears freely flowing as she wept like a child in the old woman’s arms. 

Neither of them let go of the embrace, until the cries had settled down. Tired and hungry, the princess made her way to her chambers, where a warm bath and breakfast was prepared. 

It was already dark when she woke up from her slumber, pained groans caused by her sore muscles. 

A loud thud, from her aching body falling onto the ground as she hurried to leave the bed, startled the maids outside, who ran inside to check on her.

A terrified expression covered her face, as she held onto the maids to regain her footing. 

- “Zyros, my dragon, where-where is she? Is she okay? Did they take her? Where…”

She was choking, her lungs refused to take in any oxygen, frozen by fear.

She’s safe.

A long inhale that made her dizzy as she felt the dragon’s presence, a wave of relief washing over her. 

Zyros was resting in the field from that morning. Someone had even fed her. She was still there. 

As Vienna calmed herself down, slowing down her breathing and focusing on her surroundings, the maids informed her presence was requested at dinner. 

Each layer of her dress felt like armor was being put on. 

The common room felt bigger, emptier in sight, the phantom whispers filled every corner. 

Only Rhaenys sat at the table, Corlys left sometime earlier for the sea. 

Her presence alone felt suffocating, the only sounds coming from the crackling of the fire and her utensils hitting the plate. 

- “Nice of you to join me. Have a seat.”

She was taken back to being a child, every fiber in her being was telling her she had to leave, again. 

Mustering all the strength she could, she kept her pace calm, a stoic mask as her face. 

Silence remained for well into a quarter of an hour. As Vienna fought the knots in her stomach and forced the food down, she almost thought Rhaenys wouldn’t say anything, until she did.

- “A proper saddle is being prepared for you, I imagine you’ll have to be there when they put it on your dragon, as it does not appear to be very friendly.”

Vienna’s eyes and mouth opened and closed, a dumbfounded expression as she absorbed the information. It took her a minute to find her words, all while Rhaenys finished her dinner, not paying her any mind.

- “T-thank you.”

- “Of course.”

As Rhaenys stood gracefully, Vienna continued frozen. 

As fast as her sore muscles allowed her, she stopped Rhaenys before leaving.

- “Wait! I… Aren’t you mad at me?”

- “Would you like me to be mad at you?”

- “No, well… No, but I mean… I would understand if you were.” 

Rhaenys face softened, an expression she had rarely, if ever, shown the young woman. One could almost think there was a smile hidden there. 

- “You’re a rider, you need a saddle. I don’t see anything more to discuss.”

She took her hand in hers and gave it a squeeze, an unfamiliar gesture Vienna couldn’t bring herself to fully accept. 

Without any more words, Rhaenys made her way out, as Vienna slumped down on her chair and replayed the last hour back in her head.

What the hell is going on?

 ⸺

For Vienna, a new normal was established. 

She would take turns between her regular lessons and her afternoon flights with Zyros to her walks by the beach as the warm glow of the dusk illuminated the skies. 

It was there where Aemond found her that afternoon. 

The water splashed around her, her dress hitched up to her knees as she skipped from one rock to the next. 

She was a vision. Her youthful smile shone brightly under the warm sunlight, her graceful movements almost a dance following a song only she could hear.

Hesitant to disturb the peaceful scene, Aemond leaned against a rock to silently witness. 

It took Vienna a few minutes to notice her uninvited companion, her thoughts more entertained with the fish swimming beside her. 

As she turned to make her way back to the house, she noticed the tall figure looking at her. The surprise almost made her slip, as Aemond instinctively reached for  her. 

His former pristine boots now wet, still he stretched out his hand towards her and pulled her towards his chest. 

- “Are you okay?”

This had to be, by far, the most romantic scene in Vienna’s short life. 

Dear heavens, with how close they were, all that was left was that he kissed her passionately and confessed his love.

Immerse in her own fantasies, all she could muster as a response was a slow nod. 

Aemond smiled softly, amused by the way her eyes ranked over him, how her mouth opened letting out a silent cry as she felt her feet slipping, the way her face scrunched up as a million question raced through her mind, to finally land on a panic expression, her eyes quickly drifting to the hill where Zyros rested and back to him.

- “You can’t take her, I won’t let you.”

Even as her voice cracked, her resolve didn’t falter. He could see the fire in her eyes, and had no doubt she would first drown him right then and there, than let him take her dragon from her. 

Lifting his hands in surrender, he slowly let her go, so as to not destabilize her footing. 

- “I’m not. I won’t. I’m here for you.”

Taking the hand he offered, Vienna followed him to the stairs that connected back to the castle. 

A quaint little table with refreshments waited for them. Vienna arched a brow while directing a look towards the windows, she could feel the women’s looks from there.

Once they sat down, he was the first one to break the silence. A bit of small talk, as manners dictated. He wanted to know if she was doing okay, how had Zyros been settling in, and even invited her for a ride later, he said. 

As the conversation progressed, she forced herself to relax and focus on his words, she figured if he had come to take Zyros back or arrest her, none of this would be necessary. 

Still, her worries were not easily quieted, as hard as he tried to calm her down with casual talk.

Aemond didn’t let his own nervous show, being careful to keep a steady rhythm to his words, filling the silence with composed remarks. 

As he ran out of things to say, and noticed how futile his attempts to appease her had been, he blurted out the one thing that had brought him back here, saying the last thing she could’ve  ever expected.

- “I’ve come to ask for your hand in marriage. Since your guardians have been the Velaryon for the last few years, I took the liberty of asking for their permission, which they granted, of course. It was merely a formality, really. I would like us to have the wedding soon. You can then move in with me at King’s Landing, your dragon will also be welcomed, of course…”

- “Wait, wait, what? What do you mean by marriage? We can’t get married, we barely know each other!” 

- “Arranged marriages are a common practice between our people, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

- “When they make sense, politically or economically, we’re short in both departments.”

- “I would disagree with you there. You’re the only Targaryen with no real ties to anyone, you possess a young and strong dragon. That alone makes you a potential threat in the eyes of the court, which would be easily solved by becoming my wife. I am the second Prince, just like my brother fulfilled his duty before me, I also have to find someone that is worthy to carry on our blood and I see no better match than you.”

He seemed proud, like a child waiting for their mother’s approval after reciting a speech. 

She was petrified, all the information racing through her mind as her blood boiled. She couldn’t believe she had ever found him attractive, when all she could think about was to stab him in his remaining eye with the butter knife she gripped on tightly.

- “I see. It seems you have thought this through.”

He nodded, glad she understood.

Only, she wasn’t done. She took a deep breath as her emotions quieted down, a cold rage flowing through her veins.

- “Since we’re here making requests, I have one of my own... For me to accept your proposal. I want your brother’s head on a golden platter… Or no, even better, your mother’s head.” 

She made a small pause as a cynical smile formed on her face.

- “I also want to be there when you take it from her.” 

He froze for a second, leaving the dramatic connotation aside, what she spoke of was the highest treason and she looked as if she was discussing the desserts on the table.

- “You can’t, can you? That’s quite alright, it’s a good thing you’re loyal. A loyal pet to the wrong people.” 

Her smile lacked sincerity, it was merely a hard mask she had perfected through the years, no cracks in sight. He merely looked at her, a battle of stares, each inspecting the other, as if trying to read into each other’s souls. 

Without breaking their contact, a new smile showed on her face, this one filled with sadness as she sighed, resting her chin on her hand. 

- “You’re wasting your time here, Your Highness. I can’t give you what you want, and you’re smart enough to know that already.”  

- “I want you, is that so impossible for me to have?” 

- “Is that supposed to be some sort of compliment? What exactly do I gain from that arrangement?” 

- “Freedom. Away from this moldy cage…” 

- “And into a new cage, right next to your mother and all the snakes of the Capital. A golden prison is still a prison. Tell me, are you even allowed to roam the city? I bet not. Not without her permission at least.” 

- “What’s your fixation with my mother?” 

She paused for a moment, while deciding how to respond. 

- “You know when was the last time I visited King's Landing? Before last week, of course."

He shook his head, but she wasn't really waiting for his answer.

- “I was about five years old. Marmee wanted me to be closer to Zyros... and to my family."

At the word, a disgusted scowl left her. 

- “She thought it would be good. I was older and she didn't think they would turn their own blood away."

A sardonic smile covered her face as she stared at the water behind him, her glazed eyes as memories took her back.

- “We traveled for an entire week, I got so sick I still can't get inside a carriage without barfing. Still, we made it."

Then, she looked directly at him and, for a moment, Aemond could see all the hate she felt inside.

- “We wouldn't be allowed an audience. Even after telling them who I was, they just laughed in our faces. It was the Queen's orders, they said. There are enough bastards in the Red Keep." 

Her eyes squinted faintly, as she scanned his face, analyzing every micro expression. 

- “Not long after, I was sold as a child bride to Lady Arryn's younger brother.”

It was Aemond’s turn to scowl in disgust now. He already knew most of this, bits and pieces he could gather, but hearing it from her filled him with a rage he hadn’t known before.

- “I have a really good memory, you see. And I’m told I got the pettiness from my late father, so do not doubt for a second that given the chance, I will have no hesitation in burning your family to the ground. Hence why I can’t marry you, Aemond.” 

That was the first time she said his name since that night at the dragonpit and he loved it, he wanted to hear more. His train of thoughts stopped as she rose from her chair and adjusted her dress. 

- “You’re welcome to stay and enjoy the refreshments, but I would advise you to not waste any time and go back home.”

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[milliesfishes]

Hello 👋 I've read all your writings. I'm in love. 🫶 I was wondering if you could write something with reader and Billy, where Billy leaves town because he dosnt want her to get in trouble despite there love for eachother and when he comes back after a few weeks reader is like seeing someone else? Like a little bit of jealous Billy.

I think you're an amazing writer. Anyone who can make me cry while reading is literally the best. 🥰

౨ৎ꣑ৎbilly leaves (and comes back)౨ৎ꣑ৎ fem reader x billy the kid tw: abuse (thank you love you <3)

Knowing you had turned Billy's world upside down.

Your wealthy parents were friendly with Tunstall, supportive of his cause. They had invited the Regulators over for dinner one day, a sunny Tuesday in April.

At the table outside, Billy had stood up to greet your parents, shaking hands with them and nodding politely.

"And of course, you must meet our daughters," your father said, gesturing behind him. He introduced your sister, who was on the arm of a man your father pronounced her fiancé. Then they moved aside, and he saw you.

Angelic and bright with the prettiest smile he'd ever seen, Billy was nearly knocked straight off his feet at the mere sight of you. He'd greeted you the same as the others, the way his eyes never strayed from you the only marked difference.

All throughout dinner, he could barely focus on anything else. You were ever the sweetheart, chatting with everyone and laughing clear as a bell. You were the lifeblood of the gathering, the one nobody could take their eyes off of. There was a gentle innocence to you he'd only really seen in children, that look of hope and goodness that the world hadn't stripped away yet. It was disarming to see it in a woman, but no less endearing.

He instantly wanted to protect you.

After dinner he'd cautiously approached you in conversation, pleasantly surprised when you engaged. It was like being brought to life. His heart beat a steady rhythm, his mind racing. Every word that escaped your pretty lips had him entranced.

Over the next bit he pursued you like a bee to pollen. You were more than amenable to his attentions, and in practically no time he had you in his arms, looking up at him adoringly with eyes reflecting the night sky. You were wholly his, and he gave himself to you.

At first it was a never-ending parade of joy. Kisses, late night meetings, lazy afternoons spent under the trees. Billy'd had flings before, sure, but this was different. You awoke him in a way he hadn't anticipated. The pure joy he gained from simply looking at you was elating.

He told you so one day, while he had you in his lap in a grassy field of flowers. "Think you're the best thing to ever happen t' me sunshine," he muttered, ducking his head to kiss your cheek.

You turned in his arms, and he let himself fall back so he was flat on his back with you on his chest. Giggling at the sudden movement, you smiled softly, leaning up for a kiss.

He chuckled at your expression and obliged, giving you a little peck. "You're adorable."

Looking up at him with doe eyes, you rested your chin on his chest. He held one of your hands in his, stroking the skin of your knuckles. "I love you, y'know?"

Billy smiled at the confession, bringing your hand to his mouth for a kiss. "I know. And I love you too."

He had never loved anyone in this way. Sure he'd thought he had, but now he knew this was different. This was special.

The bliss was short lived.

Things were tense between gangs in Lincoln County. Billy found his life in danger nearly every day, and he'd come to you after dark broken down and exhausted. Of course you were good to him, better than he deserved, he thought. You'd kiss his forehead and, thankfully, keep your questions to a minimum. The more this happened though, the more he began to doubt.

The difference between the two of you made him uneasy. He did not think highly of himself in comparison to you, and the idea of you being too good for him was one that he found heartbreaking, but accurate. You were the sun, his sunshine. And he was all that laid in the darkness. He did not find it compatible.

Billy grew guiltier and guiltier every time he saw you. He knew that by simply holding you he was putting you, and by extension your family, in danger. He'd promised he'd never hurt you. But his presence was hurting you more than his hand ever could. How long would any of this be able to go on before you were harmed?

These thoughts plagued him whenever he closed his eyes at night, clouded every moment he spent with you. Every kiss felt like a betrayal- he'd made you fall in love with him, and he would be devastated if you had to pay any sort of price for it.

And that's why he left.

Giving Tunstall his regards and a message for you, he saddled up his horse and rode into the sunset, though the mere thought of you in the distance behind him would have been enough to make him turn around. He chided himself. It was for you. He needed to do this for you.

Six months of only starving for you went by. He knew no other thoughts, fantasized about nothing else. In every dusty town he rode through, he couldn't bring himself to touch another woman. It would have felt wrong, for he'd left his heart in a two-story house in Lincoln County.

It was agonizing, being alone like this after he'd known such a love. Billy had never before had a problem flying solo, but after everything, it cracked him until the gleaming, sharpened want wrapped itself around his heart and whispered the only solution.

He had to go back.

Billy had never gotten out of town faster, never ridden against the wind in such a way. All the while he was imagining what it would be like to hold you again, to kiss you. His body ached for your soft one, how it had fit against his in all the right places. How could he have ever left you to begin with? He'd found an angel and left her in the desert.

When he got to town, the first thing he did was rent a room and get cleaned up. A friendly woman at the front informed him there was a gathering tonight in the square and he silently rejoiced. For certain you'd be there, you'd always loved events like that.

Billy made himself presentable, donning the blue striped shirt he knew you loved and making sure he was mostly clean shaven. His heart beat for the anticipation of seeing you tonight. He imagined your reaction- would you be happy or angry? Or somewhere in between? He cursed himself for the millionth time for ever leaving in the first place.

When the sun was low on the horizon he made his way over, the sound of fiddles beckoning him to the crowded square. Men and women were dancing in the center, and more were off to the side, chatting and mingling.

Instantly he began to look for you, peering over the sea of people. Every time he saw a woman with your same hair color his heart would beat a little faster. He made his way through the crowd, hoping desperately he wasn't wrong, and you were here.

Then he spotted your sister, and he felt a rush over him. It felt like a lifeline. Even if it wasn't you, she surely knew where you were.

Making his way over to her, he called out to her. When she turned to see him, her eyes widened. "Billy?"

"Yeah, I'm here," he said breathlessly, not wanting to go through pleasantries. But the gentleman in him kept him polite. "How're ya?"

"Fine," she said warily, studying him. "We haven't seen you in months, what...?"

"Long story," he nodded, still scanning the crowd for you. Giving up, he looked at your sister earnestly. "Look...I...." he sighed, looking at his boots. "Is...is she here?"

Your sister studied him for s second, the corners of her lips quirking up in a sad sort of way. "Yes, but-"

"Where?" the word was out of his mouth before she could finish and he realized that, apologizing. "Sorry. Where's she at?"

She pursed her lips, turning to where everyone was dancing and nodding. Excitedly, Billy scanned until he saw you, directly on the other side, talking to one of your friends. His eyes lit up. "Thank-"

"Wait," your sister reached her hand out, stopping him.

He was confused, looking at her then back at you. "What's-?"

Now there was a man at your side, your friend nowhere in sight. You were smiling as you talked to him, and he put an arm around your waist, leaning in to give you a long kiss.

Billy's heart dropped into his stomach, his blood running cold. All his other senses were blurred, zeroed in on the sight of the man kissing you. And you were letting him.

He looked back at your sister after what felt like forever, hoping for some kind of explanation. She looked apologetic. "They've been with each other for about a month."

Billy shook his head, feeling like the earth had swallowed him. He didn't know why he was so surprised. You were beautiful, charming, sweet. Men lusted after you like locusts on grain.

Your sister watched him sadly. "I'm sorry Billy, but you were gone for a long time. She didn't know if you were dead or alive or ever coming back. And then John swooped in...made her feel special..."

The reality of it hit him hard. How could he have come back after months and expected you to just be waiting for him. It was selfish, stupid of him. He looked at your sister again. "'S he alright?"

She shrugged. "He's not my favorite person I've ever met. Our parents aren't fond of him either. But I suppose he treats her well."

This information surprised him. Your parents were friendly people- they didn't seem like the type to dislike anybody. Saving that for later, he nodded. "She love him?"

There was a pause. Your sister turned back to Billy, seeming to be questioning whether or not she should say something. Apparently, she decided to, because she said, "After the way she was with you, I doubt it."

A spark of hope lit in him, and he said, "What does that mean?"

"I think," your sister started, and he nodded. "She was broken after you left. We could hardly get her out of the house. And he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Since she was in such a sore spot emotionally, he was able to take advantage of that and now he has her."

Billy contemplated this. "I see."

Your sister touched his arm. "My advice would be to talk to her. Win her trust again. Show her that you still love her and remind her of why she loved you." She half smiled. "The way she loved you before...that doesn't just go away."

Billy slowly nodded, thinking about it. Then he looked down at your sister again. "Thank you. 'S good to see ya." She gave him a real smile and nodded over to where you were standing, stepping back.

Catching her hint, he made his way through the crowd, thankful you weren't with him anymore as he approached.

The second you spotted him, your eyes went wide. If you had been holding anything, you would have dropped it.

He stopped a couple feet away from you, shifting on his feet and giving you a sheepish grin. "Hiya, sunshine."

You were stunned. He could see the mix of emotion on your face. Disbelief, sadness...and maybe he was making it up, but he thought he saw a hint of relief. "What are you doing here?"

"Came back," he stated simply, unable to stop looking at you, taking in your little details. Your hair was a little longer, your skin a little more freckled. Beautiful, as always.

Still staring at him, your lips parted, somehow finding your words. "You left."

"I know," he breathed, taking another step toward you. Now you were within reach, and he reached a hand out, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You let him, and he could have sworn you leaned into his touch just slightly. "I know I did, but..." he tried to find the right words. "You're all I've been able to think about, baby. Since the second I started runnin'."

"Billy, I'm...I'm..." you shook your head, looking so unbelievably sad that it broke his heart. "I'm with someone else now."

"I saw," he said plainly, and you looked down. "'S he a good man, sunshine? Treatin' ya right?"

You hesitated and he frowned, rubbing your cheek with his thumb. Opening your mouth to respond, you started to say something, but then you were looking at someone over his shoulder. He followed your eyes, only to see that the other man was back.

He said your name and you turned away from Billy, going to him. The man put his arm around your waist and Billy felt the bitter taste of jealousy sting his mouth. "Who're you talkin' to?"

You looked at Billy, then back at the other man. "This is Billy."

"Ah," the man's tone was cold, and Billy knew he was suspicious. There was something off about the situation to him; the way he held you, the look on your face, the way you'd reacted when you saw him. He noticed with a modicum of satisfaction that your body didn't seem to fit into his near as well as it did Billy's.

Billy smiled tightly, nodding at the man. "'Scuse me." He made a hasty exit, not wanting to cause tension with him.

All the while he was wishing he got to be the one holding you. Your sister's words about still loving him were ringing in his ears. He didn't want to overstep with the new man in your life, but at the same time he wanted to at least see if what your sister had said was true.

The next day he stopped in a little field nearby and picked a bunch of wildflowers, remembering how you loved having them in your windowsill.

He arrived at your doorstep with a full fist of flowers, knocking firmly. You opened the door and froze when you saw him. "Billy."

"Mornin' sunshine," he greeted, half smiling at you. "Ya doin' anything today?"

You were still wide eyed, looking pretty as ever in a blue dress. But slowly, surely, you shook your head.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Billy requested, holding out the flowers for you.

There was a beat, and then you nodded, shyly taking the flowers. "Let me put these in water."

Billy nodded, leaning against the porch railing as you went inside. You left the door partially open. He waited patiently until you came back out, your hands behind your back as you looked up at him.

He offered you a charming smile. "C'mon, sunshine. It's a pretty day."

Offering his hand to you, he led you through the grassy fields into the forest, to the spot the two of you had always gone to before he left. You were quiet for a while, and he nudged you with his shoulder. "How've ya been, sweet?"

Smiling a tiny bit, you said, "Fine. I've been fine."

He noticed the hesitation on your part, but didn't comment on it, squeezing your hand instead. "Everythin' goin' good?"

"It's been fine," you repeated, looking down. "I..." You shook your head, then lifted your eyes back to his. "I missed you a lot, Billy."

He was somber, nodding. "Missed ya too, sunshine. It's been real hard to be so far from ya."

"So why did you leave?" you questioned suddenly, stopping and turning to face him. "I thought you loved me, I..." you seemed to realize yourself and your eyes fell to your feet.

"Hey, hey," Billy cradled your face in his hands, searching your eyes. "Baby...I did love ya. Hell, I ain't stopped. I left to protect ya..."

You looked so sad, your doe eyes piercing his. "Protect...me?"

"Yeah, sunshine," he breathed, thumbs rubbing your cheeks. "There was so much goin' on with the gangs 'n the rivalries...I couldn'ta stood it if ya got hurt causa' me."

This realization washed over you, and he could see it in your eyes. As you processed it, your hand came up to his wrist, the first time you'd touched him in months. You nearly gravitated into him, your faces so close together. "You should have told me."

"I know," he whispered, his forehead pressing to yours. "I know, sunshine. That was a bad thing to do on my part."

Bringing a hand to your face, you turned away for a moment, still taking it all in. He stood there, watching you, about to say more when suddenly he noticed the sleeve of your dress ride up as your arm shifted, revealing a dark mark.

Instantly he frowned, reaching out. "What's this?"

You jumped out of his reach, lips parted in realization. "Nothing."

His brow furrowed in concern. "Sweetheart-" Billy took your arm gently, his other hand sliding the sleeve up. There were bruises there, on your shoulder. Dark ones. Looking you right in the eye, he said, "What happened."

"I...I..." you struggled to find the words, biting your lip.

He shook his head, gently bringing his hand up to grasp your chin, thumb dragging your lip from your teeth. "None o' that. You can tell me anything, sunshine, honest to goodness. The hell are these bruises doin' on your arm?"

Casting your eyes to the ground, you looked ashamed. "He didn't mean to-"

"He did this to you?" Billy was immediately furious, but he kept himself calm as not to scare you. "Sweetheart-"

"It was my fault," you breathed, looking up at him. "I made him mad, I...I-"

Billy shook his head, cutting you off. He led you to a nearby tree, sitting you down on the grass and kneeling in front of you. This is why you'd been so on edge, why you'd been tense last night. "Where else did he hurt ya?"

"Nowhere-" you started, but he gave you a look and your shoulders slumped. You brought your hand to your thigh, then your hip. "Here."

"Can I see, sweet girl?" one of his big hands settled on your skirt hem. When you hesitated, he half smiled. "I've seen a lot more'n that from ya, pretty."

You took in a breath, then nodded, and he pushed your skirt up, leaning down to examine the large bruises embedded there. His rough thumb smoothed over your soft skin, and he hummed softly as he pushed your skirt up a little further to see your hip, reacting much the same.

When he finally looked back up at you, his eyes were soft but firm. "You ain't stayin' with him."

You opened your mouth, but he shook his head. "No. No buts. You don't deserve this, darlin'. Not one bit."

Hearing his words and watching him smooth your skirt back over your thighs was too much, and you buried your face in your hands, shaking your head.

"Baby," his face fell and he put his hands on the sides of your head, leaning in to press a kiss to your hair. "'S okay. 'S okay, I won't let him hurt you 'gain."

Pulling back, he parted your hands from your face, looking into your eyes. "You didn't do nothin' wrong, sweet. Not a thing. You're gonna be okay."

Wordlessly, you looked into his eyes and the earnesty and sincere feeling in his nearly brought you to tears. "I didn't mean to stay so long...I wanted to leave but I didn't know how...I've never..."

He understood instantly. You'd never left a relationship before. You'd only been left. The thought of it made him sad, and he nodded. "I understand, sweet. 'M sorry."

You shook your head. "Not your fault."

Billy exhaled softly, stroking your cheeks and keeping his bright blue eyes on you. "I shoulda been here for ya, sunshine. Should never have left to begin with."

You closed your eyes, something he didn't recognize playing out on your face. He nudged his nose against yours. "Sweetheart?"

"I just missed you," you said softly, opening your eyes. "I..." you made a little noise in the back of your throat. "I've loved you all this time. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop."

His heart leapt. "Yeah?"

You nodded, your eyes filled with tears. "I didn't think you were ever coming back or I wouldn't have been with him..." the rest of your sentence was lost to your tears and he cooed, bringing you into his chest to rest against him.

"It's okay, it's okay," he whispered, rubbing your back. "I understand. It's okay."

The two of you stayed like that under the trees for a long time, holding each other tightly, trying to make up for lost time.

Finally, after your tears had slowed down, he whispered, "I love you. I have all this time."

You sniffled, looking up for reassurance. He smiled, bringing your head back to his chest and pressing a firm kiss to it. "Never stopped, just like you. Ain't ever stoppin' neither."

Billy held you tight until the sun sunk back behind the hills, whispering sweet things into your hair, and you basked in the glow of his presence, knowing he'd never leave again.

come talk about billy here!

[sassyfrassboss]

I fucking hate this guy.

May he ROT IN HELL.

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (4)

ー☆ Chapter 4: Comatose

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cussing, mentions of a panic attack ー☆ Word count: 8.1k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hello, lovelies! The long awaited 4th chapter is here and omg I'm so sorry for the long wait! I haven't even realized it's been a month since my last update...but I had a lot of stuff to do for my University and just didn't find the time to write, but here I am now, and I'll try to update next week or after that! I promise you'll have lots of Mingi next chapter *wink wink*, but I hope after reading this chapter Yn's attitude will make more sense, and that she won't be so insufferable anymore to you all reading. Please listen to the fourth song Comatose before or while reading this chapter! Yes, I have totally made Mingi wear his waterbomb outfit in this chapter because waterbomb Mingi shall NEVER be forgotten, goodbye. Please leave feedback, I truly appreciate it! Enjoy now! I have a surprise coming next chapter, hehet^^

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

『I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose』

The blinking of the cursor was staring back at me mockingly, a reminder that my fingers haven’t moved in the past ten minutes. No thoughts connected to the theme of my project came to mind, no matter how hard I tried and how many articles I read. My mind seemed to be blank at the moment and it seemed like it wouldn’t get any better anytime soon. To be honest, I wasn’t feeling well. And that usually reflects in my work and influences my whole mood, and even day. I thought I would have a very productive day as I got ready this morning and went to the library to finish my art assignment, however, the little kick I had, came crushing down the second Mingi decided to sit with me. Well, perhaps that one small factor wasn’t the real reason which ruined my mood and brought me to the brink of a panic attack, and the current void and emptiness I have been feeling in my chest ever since. Perhaps it was the mention of Jeong Yunho and the reminder of how little I have always meant to him. My lower lip quivered again, and I allowed myself to fall back in the chair I was sitting in, staring up at my white ceiling in desperation. Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Yunho again? Was the Universe having a laugh at me? What were the chances that this Song Mingi was the same Song Mingi Yunho never shut up about while we were dating? It was frustrating. It was maddening and it was…mocking. I couldn’t help but feel bitter the longer I allowed the image of Mingi and Yunho laughing, hanging out, falling all over each other, linger in my mind. Their hearts filled with joy and their time spent with endless conversations, late night trips to the convenience store, random road trips and the overall feeling of knowing that you always had one person you could rely on no matter what. What did Mingi have that I didn’t? What did Yunho see in him that he never saw in me? Why was Mingi better than me? And why…was I suddenly feeling this vial jealousy creeping up in my chest like an ugly monster, the whisper of thoughts I have always tried to push to the depths of my mind after Yunho’s sudden, but heartbreaking, departure from my life?

『Straight coats and empty cabinets

Ashes from all the mess you left

New lease without you

I confess that I'm happy you're gone』

What was it about Song Mingi that Yunho was so infatuated with? What was it with Song Mingi that everyone seemed to like and gravitate towards? All I could see was the arrogance and self-centeredness rolling off of him in waves any time he entered a room. The need to shine and be the center of attention, to be the only person anyone was able to see, to focus on. The constant smirk or grin on his lips, almost always mocking or just an awful reminder that he was better than you—it was subtle, but it was there. The mischievous glint in his eyes as he watched your every move, hiding behind a wall of emotionlessness, sharp eyes watching but not giving anything away. There was no honesty in his expressions or in his actions. But why did nobody else see that? Why was I the only one picking up on how insincere Mingi actually was? Why did nobody question what he hid behind those dark and sharp eyes? His face so often void of any emotion. And then, to further prove my confusion, the Mingi I talked to today was—why did he feel different? Everything staring from his appearance to his behavior was unlike the infuriating person I have come to know. He portrayed a calm and collected nature, albeit still mischievous as he had taken my sketchbook without my permission, yet it was so clear on his face that he didn’t have any mal intentions. What prompted him to approach me out of the blue and why did he look almost…lonely? What drew him to smile so much and so freely? It certainly couldn’t have been me; I have done everything I could to make him feel unwelcome and uncomfortable, yet he…stayed. He talked without a care in the world, almost as if he forgot I would be judging his every move and sentence. He almost looked curious of who I was, trying to make conversation in which I did not want to engage in. What was it about Yunho that made his eyes sparkle so much? Why did Yunho have so much of an influence on Mingi? Why did it have to be Mingi? Why does Yunho have to be everywhere around me even after he leaves? Does Yunho really mean that much to Mingi? Just how deep is their bond? But the most jarring thought amidst the spiraling of my mind into a place I did not wish for it to go, was a very simple one. Why do I care about Song Mingi all of a sudden? Why do all these things matter to me all of a sudden? Who is Song Mingi to me to send me into an existential crisis, into a state of nervosity, and restlessness, and so much bitterness? He’s just a guy. A guy who is very irritating, arrogant, self-centered, and a pushover. A guy who only wants attention and is superficial. A guy who forgets about you the second he’s turned his back to you. A guy who only likes you until you’re new and exciting. When you start becoming boring, what does it matter anymore? Why would he keep you around for longer? Perhaps him and Yunho have more in common than I would have thought at first.

『So used to pain that it's my remedy

Easy to hate, I gave you everything

Funny that you're the one that ran away

You left me first』

I couldn’t do this anymore, I had to stop thinking. I needed my brain to shut up, to stop torturing me more than I was already hurting. I refused to reach my breaking point again just because Mingi mentioned that Yunho was his best friend—why was I giving him so much power? Trying to snap out of it, I groaned loudly as I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms, sitting up straight again to try and focus for the last time on my project. I had to get this done in two days, I really couldn’t slack off anymore. So, I opened the previous tab I was reading from and scrolled up in order to start reading the article from the beginning once again, hoping that the words in it would finally stick. But despite my attempt to finally focus on the only important task at hand, the loud ping of my phone quickly pulled my attention away from it. I jumped at the loud sound and cursed silently, having forgotten to put my phone on ‘do not disturb’. My eyes snapped down to it mildly annoyed, but quickly furrowed when I realized it was a message from an unknown number. I stared at it for a few seconds, eyebrows furrowing in suspicion.

Unknown: are u coming to Outlaw tonight?

Before I could really control myself, curiosity overtook me. It must’ve been someone who knows me since they were asking about Outlaw. They must have seen me there last time.

Me: who’s this? Unknown: mingi lol

My eyebrows instantly furrowed as I stared down at the message, my stomach doing a weird flip. My fingers hovered over the screen of my phone, tempted to just quickly block his number and forget about the past ten seconds, because what the fuck? How did he even get my number? I certainly don’t remember giving it to him.

Me: wtf? how do you have my number. Unknown: wooyoung

I blinked, mind blanching for a second. Wooyoung? That made even less sense as Wooyoung and I have met just once and I have not given him my phone number. I waited for a few seconds longer, waiting for Mingi to explain further, but it never came. No small dots indicating that he was texting anything else. I groaned and looked at my pale green wall for a second, trying to collect my thoughts and not throw my phone out the window. Why did he have to have my number? Was this Mingi’s way of getting on my nerves even more? And now I had to figure out how Wooyoung got my number—oh. I tsked in disbelief, eyes zooning in on the picture of Seulgi and myself I had on display on my desk. Of course, that little bitch. Why would she ask me first before giving my phone number to a complete stranger—even if Mingi wasn’t that, I still didn’t want him to have it.

Me: whatever, i’m blocking you. Unknown: so, are you coming then? Me: no, mingi, i am not.

I rolled my eyes at Mingi’s insistency of getting an answer and blatant ignorance towards my threat of blocking him—which wasn’t as menacing as I wished for it to be. But it only took him seconds to answer, and I tried not to think about how quickly he was responding.

Unknown: ok

My eyes narrowed at his simple—and sharp—answer, fingers hovering over the keyboard to fire an insult at him if he went ahead and started leaving more messages, wanting to remind him that I was not in any shape or form curious to hear any more of his bullshit. The bitterness was quite strong in the back of my head, jealousy searing through my body—I couldn’t help it. A minute or two passed, but Mingi wasn’t typing anything else and I huffed, irritated by his antics. Why was he even asking if I would go to Outlaw? I hated it the first time—well, maybe that was a little lie—and I still hate it now, so therefore I had not one reason to go and watch him perform again. Not one particle in my body wished to hear his raspy voice accompanied by a guitar, bass, and drums. I was quite content by going to bed early tonight and forgetting about the whole day, hoping that my chest would feel less heavy in the morning and the green monster would be gone from my head. And yet, despite my better judgment, my fingers worked quickly, before my mind could even register what I was doing, and I was saving Mingi’s number. There was no desire in me to have his name in my phone under any shape, so I stopped for a second to ponder over the many options I could be calling him, such as: idiot, dumbass, jackass, prick, mr. arrogant—were sounding rather pleasing to my ears—and yet, despite the wicked grin I had on my lips, my mind seemed to settle for a simple ‘I hate him’. His number was saved in my phone without putting more thought into what I was doing, and I was placing my phone aside, attention going back to my project. Now, there was nothing in the world which could disturb me again—but then my phone rang. I groaned loudly and felt like pulling on my hair, staring at my cursed phone heatedly. I was half expecting Mingi’s number to pop-up, but thankfully it wasn’t him. That would’ve been the last straw for today, I certainly would’ve gone crazy. Instead, it was Seulgi calling and I knew she had something important to say if she wasn’t texting. I picked up, albeit with disdain.

“Hey!” She sounded cheerful, excited. Very much the opposite of my mood right now.

“Hi.” I muttered and started tapping my forefinger against my desk, staring down at the article I had opened in front of me.

“You sound like you want to kill someone.”

“And I do.” My answer made Seulgi laugh, making me sigh. And that person was Song Mingi, of course.

“What’s got your panties in a twist this time, huh?” Seulgi’s voice was playful, and unfortunately, it was only building up my irritation. She didn’t have any bad intentions, but I couldn’t handle her cheeriness and playfulness at the moment. I needed to be alone. I needed to not think and just get shit done.

“Why did you call?” I preferred not to answer her question as I asked another one, voice not snappy just tired as Seulgi remained silent for a second on the other end.

“Noir Zenith are performing at Outlaw tonight,” I knew where this was going, I just gulped realizing Mingi had asked the same thing of me just mere minutes ago, “Do you want to come with me?”

“No.” My answer was too fast and harsh, I quickly tried to mend it, “I’ve got a family thing—issue, I mean. I’m sorry, but I can’t come because of it…”

My voice got quiet as I trailed off, not particularly fond of lying to my best friend, but I really didn’t want to go out tonight and I knew if I told Seulgi the real reason she would complain and complain until I finally gave in, her tactic of coercion working just fine on me. I never stood a chance in front of her when she would start complaining and whining and bringing up all the times I have bailed on her in the past.

“Oh,” It wasn’t hard to hear the disappointment in her voice, and if I weren’t in such a bad headspace at the moment I would have felt awful, “it’s fine, I get it. But…you do know you can tell me anything, right?”

I sighed loudly, “I know, thanks Seulgi, and sorry. I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“Don’t worry about it,” She was smiling now, adding a small chuckle too, “We all have bad days, I’ll see you at university tomorrow?”

“Most certainly.” A small smile made it onto my face and Seulgi quickly bid her goodbye as we hung up, silence enveloping me. I didn’t forget to press the ‘do not disturb’ button this time as I placed my phone on my desk, next to my laptop, and faced the article taunting me. Not finishing this project today wasn’t an option anymore, and so, I quickly dove in, the torturing thoughts finally silent somehow.

            The hours went by quickly and despite my mind struggling to focus on the task at hand, I made it. I finished the project in about four hours and it definitely gave me a little confidence boost, which I desperately needed after the emotional turmoil I was forced to face today. My mind was a mess. I was tired and I needed to sleep. I didn’t even care how early or late it was as I got into bed, forgetting to wash my face or even change into my pajamas, I just needed to lay my head down and close my eyes. And it was working well…until it wasn’t. The warmth of my thick blanket enveloped me and my head grew heavier as my muscles relaxed, the comfort of my bed bringing peace to my loud thoughts. It felt nice. To finally be able to forget everything that’s happened today, to just let go and…sleep. I really needed this; I haven’t felt this exhausted in a long time. I have never been good at dealing with my feelings, I usually pushed them away and ignored everything I felt…until they blew up in my face. Then, I would finally break and it was chaotic and messy. I knew it was the wrong coping mechanism, but I couldn’t help it. Nothing else worked, because I just couldn’t deal with the pain. I hated the overwhelming thoughts, the pressing heaviness and constant pain. I just simply didn’t want to deal with them. Drawing was a nice way of escaping my reality, but lately it didn’t help. It drew me up the wall, it was so frustrating. So many emotions had been steering hidden deep inside these past weeks, I didn’t know how to deal with them—I didn’t want to deal with them, actually. I needed them silent, gone.

And despite needing to sleep right now, eyes heavy and mind fuzzy, it wasn’t working. Nothing helped. My mind was silent, yet my ears were buzzing, whispers so quiet in the back of my head that I could barely hear them. My chest was heavy, it felt like I needed to cry, but my throat was closing in on me, refusing to let any tears to the surface. I could breathe, but at the same time I couldn’t. Turning on to my left side did nothing, but snap my eyes open. Why couldn’t I sleep? Why was this feeling returning? Why couldn’t I just rest for one fucking second?! I buried my head into my pillow and let out a silent scream, punching the soft mattress of my bed next to my head, legs trashing around as I needed to let out the creeping hysteria in my body somehow. Was I finally going crazy? Was my mother’s premonition finally blending into reality? She did randomly while watching TV, one month ago, tell me that I would soon face a challenging obstacle in my life, which would feel suffocating and relieving at the same time. Mind running per hour, I shot up in a sitting position and gaped at nothing in particular, recalling the memory of said night. But my mother said nothing else as she went back to watching TV, acting as if what she had said to me was totally normal. It wasn’t. But I was used to her quirky antics, she was a bit whimsical, but I loved her. Her intentions were always good and pure, she was a woman full of love and warmth…unlike me. Perhaps I was like my father…not that I could remember him, he’s left us while I was a little girl. We kept in touch until I turned approximately eight, after that…he never showed his face again. Something about moving to a new city and starting a new life, I couldn’t care less, he was never a pilar of support in my life. I didn’t need a man to bring me comfort, to make me feel safe. I had myself for that, and my mother—when things got too rough to handle on my own.

With a sigh, I reached over my bed and grabbed my sketchbook from my bedside table and turned on the small lamp, grabbing the pencil I had from underneath my pillow. Not one corner of my room was safe from my drawing supplies. I flipped the sketchbook open to a blank page and sighed, eyebrows lightly furrowing as I pressed the pencil against the soft paper. I didn’t have anything particular in mind as I started drawing. Maybe a small meadow with colorful flowers or a flower field, those sounded nice right now. It felt like they could fix my sour mood after today, like they would bring a little comfort to my overthinking brain at the moment. But I already knew I couldn’t control my hand when it came to drawing, and I wasn’t too surprised to find myself drawing the outline of a face. The lines were sharp and precise, darker around the brow bone and defining at the sharp and pointy nose. I added shading to the jawline before moving to the cheekbones, not making them too harsh. The sketch so far was looking like any regular face. It could turn into anything from here on. I could make it anyone I wanted it to be. For some reason my hand went to draw the lips instead of the eyes, usually those were the first thing I drew when starting a portrait. But this time, my brain focused on the dark outline of the plump lips and adding more depth as the Cupid’s Bow was deep and pointy. I licked my lips as I allowed my eyes to run over the eyeless portrait, subconsciously adding a small mole to the left side of its face, close to the jawline. I had a hunch where this was going, but I wanted to keep going—I couldn’t stop my brain from pushing me to just draw more. I allowed my pencil to run over the lines of the nose, making them sharper, lengthening it just like the person had it in real life. My hand hovered in the air for a second, reluctant to finally draw the eyes of the portrait, but I didn’t have it in me to stop right now. I always hated leaving my work unfinished—that was my excuse right now too, despite knowing who I was drawing once again. Yet not one particle in my body wished to stop right now, and I couldn’t help it as I finally drew lines sharp enough to accentuate the depth and glare in his deep eyes. The shading of them happened quickly and without even thinking, the small but dark mole sat comfortably underneath his right eye as I pressed my pencil firmly against the paper.

The breath which left my lips was sharp, and I gulped as my grip tightened around my pencil. I knew what I was doing this time, yet I didn’t stop it. Why? Why did I allow myself to draw—Mingi. His sharp and expressionless face stared back at me and I didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t mocking me, he didn’t have any twinkle in his eyes, he was just…there. On my paper, in my favorite journal-like sketchbook. And my heart was beating faster the longer I was looking at it. My stomach was twisting in a foreign way and I felt like I needed air. Fresh air. It felt like my room was closing in on me, I felt like I didn’t have enough space all of a sudden. The blanket falling on my lap suddenly felt too warm, like it was burning my body up. Without a second thought, I threw the sketchbook off from my lap, together with the blanket, and sprung out of bed, racing towards my closet. I threw it open and grabbed the first thing which came into view, a grey oversized jumper, as I stepped out of my slippers and slipped my phone into the pocket of my grey sweatpants, headed for my closed door. My throat was squeezing itself and it was a little hard to breathe as I frantically moved down the stairs, desperate for fresh air at this point. The light was on in the kitchen and I realized it wasn’t even ten pm yet as my mother was tinkering around, listening to some jazz music. I must’ve been loud as I almost crashed into the wall, struggling to put on my sneakers.

“Honey?” I heard my mother’s voice coming from behind me as I turned to look at her. Her ginger hair was a mess as her curls stuck out in all directions, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Everything alright?”

I nodded, fearing what my voice would sound like as I quickly wore the jumper in my hands, “Are you going out? It’s a little late…”

I hummed, licking my lips nervously, hand reaching for the doorknob, “I won’t take long, I promise.”

“Call me if you need me.” My mother had an understanding look on her face, it made my lips tremble, “I’ll pick you up.”

“Didn’t you drink?” My voice was slightly shaking as my eyes went to the wine glass she was holding in her right hand. My mother glanced down at it as if she had forgotten about it and quickly pushed it behind herself.

“We could always ride my electric scooter; I haven’t used it in quite a while.” My mother giggled at her own suggestion and I couldn’t help but let out an amused chuckle, the tightness in my throat lessening a little bit. How badly I wished to pour my heart out to her, to let my feelings finally loose, but I couldn’t. That would mean having to face what I was feeling. That would mean everything was real and not just made up by my useless brain.

“I’ll be home in an hour, don’t worry.” My mother just hummed as she watched me leave as I took my keys and closed the door carefully behind myself. The crisp air of the evening was a harsh wake-up call that I should’ve worn a jacket as well, but I didn’t have it in me to walk back inside my warm house. I couldn’t. I needed to walk. I needed to clear my mind. I had to get rid of this awful feeling in my chest. And so that’s just what I did, I walked. I took off towards nowhere particular as my feet carried me down the sidewalk, the streets illuminated by the lampposts, creating just enough light, but not too much. A few cars passed by then and now, the neighborhood relatively quiet at this hour of the evening. The cold air was biting at my cheeks and I buried my hands in my pockets, taking a deep breath before releasing it slowly. It felt nice as the cold air traveled through my throat, deep down into my lungs. It was refreshing, it was just what I needed. As I took a left turn, I left my neighborhood and realized I was headed towards the city center, more people on the road now as it was the main one. Groups of teenagers passed by me and I shivered at the sudden cold breeze. I looked around and watched as it picked up and blew the branches of the trees apart, more leaves falling to the ground, creating a blanket of orange and burgundy underneath our feet. The leaves crunched under my shoes and I felt myself smiling as I kicked into a smaller pile gathered up on the sidewalk by the wind, memories of my childhood fresh in my mind. My mother would always gather the leaves in our small backyard and then she’d take me outside and we’d play around for hours in the leaves, giggling and laughing as we’d pretend that I was a princess and she was the leaves monster trying to kidnap me from my kingdom. Despite my mother struggling at times, my childhood never lacked anything, and it was filled with many happy memories. Sometimes I wondered what changed that I turned into such a moody and sour person. There were remnants of my old self when I was with Seulgi or with my mother, but I was pretty bad at opening up to strangers, at letting others in…especially males. I couldn’t help but think they had other motives and were only waiting for the right time to fuck me over, to abandon me. My attention was brought to a couple as the girl screeched and ran past me, the boy chasing after her while holding something in his hands, giggling loudly and calling out her name. I couldn’t help but glance after them, the green monster back in my head, as the guy caught up with her and tackled her into a hug despite the girl’s loud complaints. I have realized, the guy was carrying dirt in his hands and the girl’s cheeks were already smudged with it, probably. My stomach clenched and it got harder to gulp as I tore my eyes off them, trying to take a deep breath, trying to push down the memories threatening to resurface.

But I couldn’t help it as Yunho made it to the forefront of my mind, our many dates stored away in a little treasure chest in my heart. We used to go on so many dates, Yunho loved trying out new things and visiting new places. Every second weekend he planned something new, he surprised me with something. I thought I was the luckiest girl on Earth. I thought I would never find anyone else who could love me and cherish me as much as Yunho—and perhaps I really never would. Because Yunho was special, because he made you feel like you were the only one in the whole world he could see, he could love. A small part of me still wished he loved me at some point. Of course, it did, I was so hopelessly in love with him once that everything was about him. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t live without him. He was the only thing I could think about, I could talk about. Everyone told us how well we matched; how perfect we were for each other. The both of us always smiling, always so nice to others. Before getting abandoned by Yunho, I was—I wasn’t like this. I smiled, I laughed, and I joked around a lot. I was happy and I loved life, I loved everything around me and I had this urge to discover everything life had to offer me. I couldn’t stay put in one place for too long and I always had everything planned out, each step of mine—my life next to Yunho. The promises he made were still fresh in my mind, I could still remember them despite being it a long time ago—but perhaps it wasn’t long enough, I have suddenly come to the realization of it. It was hard to breathe again as my favorite moment with Yunho was suddenly too fresh in my mind, too easy to recall. We had gone to a movie he really wished to watch, something about a girl who had to pretend she was a boy in order to make it onto the university’s football team to get revenge on her ex, it was actually a re-run as the movie had come out a long time ago, but Yunho loved it and he really wanted to watch it at the cinema. Of course I went with him, I wanted to see the movie too because Yunho loved it. And what Yunho loved, I also did. It was an easy watch, lighthearted and cheesy and predictable, it didn’t surprise me that it was one of Yunho’s favorites. But once the movie was over Yunho wanted to get ice cream, and as someone who loves ice cream—mint choco is the best flavor, fight me—I was eager to go with Yunho. But our peace of mind didn’t last for long as it started raining cats and dogs in no time, forcing us to take shelter somewhere—except that we didn’t. Yunho pulled me out into the pouring rain and he made us dance, he acted out cheesy scenes from Dirty Dancing, raising me up and flipping me around clumsily, almost dropping me in the process not even once, making me shriek and clutch onto him for dear life. I have never laughed more in my life than that night and I have never felt more loved that in that moment. Yunho’s eyes were shining with so much warmth and happiness, it was also the first time he said the words. ‘I love you.’ I couldn’t tell whether it was the rain or happy tears on my cheeks, but the sudden clenching of my heart and overwhelming feeling in my chest made me flung my body against his, holding onto Yunho’s tall frame like my life depended on it. And in that moment, I knew—I knew that I also loved him. But I couldn’t say it, not yet, not when everything felt like it was too much, so instead, I pressed my lips against his pouty ones and smiled as Yunho started giggling, only to pick me up and twirl me around in excitement before asking me to hop on his back, only for him to take off running towards his house. It was my favorite memory of us, for various reasons, but perhaps the main one was because Yunho was so sincere in that moment. Because I couldn’t hear any doubt in his words like the other times he said that he loved me.

『Straight coats and empty cabinets

Ashes from all the mess you left

New lease without you

I confess that I'm happy you're gone』

I came to a stop as my phone buzzed in my pocket, mind hazy as I tried to shake off the memory which felt so alive in my head. I could almost see it playing out in front of myself. If I reached my hand out, I could almost touch Yunho—but he wasn’t here—and I was allowing myself once again to live in the past, a very bad habit of mine. I unlocked my phone after I crossed the road, the sidewalk littered with various shops, most of them already closed as it was almost ten now. I had been walking for twenty minutes without even realizing it. Looking down at my phone, I realized Instagram had sent me a notification that Seulgi posted a story after a while. She was probably at Outlaw still, watching Noir Zenith perform. I pressed on her story and it opened to show a close-up video of the three boys performing, the camera focusing on Wooyoung for a few seconds longer before it was moved away, zooming in on playfully on Mingi. I had the volume down, I couldn’t hear what he was singing, but his eyebrows were furrowed as he was leaning forward, mouth moving in a fast way as his eyes were half-closed, veins protruding on his neck, expression almost like he was angry, almost like feelings were overwhelming him as he held the microphone in his left hand tightly. My eyebrows slightly furrowed, but I quickly pushed any thought of him away as I realized he was slightly…wet? His white shirt, the top buttons unbuttoned until they reached his chest stuck to his body and had turned almost see-through, but it didn’t seem like it bothered Mingi as he continued on performing. Heavy chains lay against the base of his throat and a blue sheer sunglass was sitting on his tall nose, almost sliding off of it as he was bobbing his head furiously to the music, his bass abandoned somewhere. As my eyes focused on the huge bracelet on his right hand and the blue and white scarf wrapped around his left wrist, both hands decorated with thick silver-colored rings, the video cut off. I remained unblinking for a second, eyebrows twitching as I realized Seulgi had posted the video not even half an hour ago. So…the band was still performing and…Mingi was looking like that. Suddenly I was glad I wasn’t there to witness him being all indecent and acting like a—something. I most certainly wouldn’t hear the endless praises if I were there and the constant screaming of his baboons—perhaps calling them his fangirls would sound nicer, but I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction—and with my current mood, that was the last thing I wanted to see and hear. Mingi was detestable and I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of going to any of his other performances, finding them useless as I wasn’t even into their music. I started walking again, aware that the wind had picked up more, rustling the branches and leaves harsher, making me shiver in my underdressed state, reminding me that I should head home now. I said I wouldn’t stay out for too long, my thoughts seemed to have cleared just a little bit, besides, the cold air was enough to knock me out once I got to lay in my warm and comfortable bed.

『I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose

I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose』

However, the second I wanted to exit the app and put my phone away, a new story suddenly appeared in Seulgi’s spot and I gulped realizing who it was. Yunho’s happy and smiling face was taunting me in his profile picture, and before I could control myself, I pressed the icon, opening his story. The username Yuyu followed by a sunflower flashed for a second on the screen and then—and then everything around me stopped. There was no wind, there was no sound of cars passing by or people talking as they walked by me. It wasn’t cold anymore. My lungs failed me once again, but my mind went silent. Completely silent. There was a rumble in the distance, but I couldn’t say what it was. A girl, much smaller than him—and a lot cuter than myself—was laughing in the boomerang Yunho had posted, her black hair falling around her shoulders nicely, the white coat barely hiding the short lavender colored dress she was wearing. And Yunho—he looked so happy, he looked—whole. His face had gotten fuller, yet features sharper since the last time I had seen him. I have forgotten that I was still following him on Instagram. He had his arm around the girl’s shoulder and was actively pulling her into his side as he was smiling brightly too, his protruding front teeth showing as he had his eyes on the girl only. He had tagged her too and I was clicking on her name fast, before even thinking about what I was doing. Her profile was public and she had many posts. Most of herself, but there were some of the places she’s traveled to as well. But her most recent post—was with Yunho. The two sitting on a bench, then a selfie, and then a picture of the place they had been at, with the caption of: ‘Luckiest girl in the world!’ I gulped and closed the app, taking a deep breath, realizing that I had started shaking.

『You wasted all my fucking time

Were never really in my life

You were further than I could imagine

I love you, but fuck you』

Why did my legs feel like jelly all of a sudden? Why did the heaviness in my chest get even worse? Why was I reacting like this? It made no sense. Yunho broke up with me three years ago and I was over him. He hurt me more than anyone has before, but I was over him. I have let go; I have released the feelings I have felt for him. But then why did it bother me so much that he found happiness with someone else? Why did it leave a bitter taste in my mouth? Suddenly why was the green monster back and making me clutch my phone tightly in my hand? If he was able to find someone, to be happy again, why wasn’t I doing the same thing? Why was I incapable of loving? Of being loved? Of opening up and letting in new people? Why was I forcing myself to wallow in my own misery? Why was I punishing myself by constantly living in the past? What more could I want? Why did I still wish for Yunho to return and apologize for everything he’s done, for the gap he’s left in my heart? For the turmoil he’s caused in my head, for the ache that never really went away with his departure from my life? And it hit me lick a wall of bricks, that something was hitting my flaming cheeks. Another rumble, and I realized it was thunder. Head tilting back, I realized it was raining—pouring. Washing away the tears which were making my eyes burn. When did it start raining? Why did everything hurt so much? I couldn’t help the sudden sob which wracked my body as I put my phone in my pocket as a futile attempt to keep it dry as my clothes were getting drenched the longer I stood unmoving on the sidewalk. But my feet felt heavy, rendering me frozen to the spot. Nobody was outside anymore. I was alone. Just as always. No matter how many people cared for me, I was still alone in hurting, in dealing with the mess I was. And it hurt. It made me cry harder as I pressed a hand against my mouth, trying to muffle my pathetic sobs. But it felt good—so good to finally let it all out, to just finally allow the misery to come to the surface, to acknowledge that I couldn’t deal with these feelings anymore. My chest hurt, my heart ached, my throat was getting more and more restricting, lungs burning for air, but I couldn’t fully breathe, gasping for air caused by my violent sobs. But the wind was picking up again and my body started shivering, and I realized I couldn’t stand on the sidewalk anymore bawling my eyes out as I got drenched in rain.

So, I looked around and found a place open not too far up ahead and took off running towards it, trying to get the strands of hair out of my eyes as they stuck to my skin. The diner was small and still open, the big windows showed nobody inside besides the girl behind the counter. I didn’t consider the way I looked as I threw the door open and stepped inside, alerting the girl as the doorbell chimed. She looked up and for a second we stared at each other, her eyes widening as her eyes wandered all over my body, making me sniff. At least I wasn’t sobbing anymore, just heaving for air. I must’ve looked horrible as I took off towards a table in the back, closer to the restrooms, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel embarrassed over my appearance. I fell against the cushion of the bench and tried to regulate my breathing, biting my lower lip as I realized my eyes were burning and my skin was ice cold. I couldn’t believe I was stupid enough to stand out in the rain, when it was so cold. I would most definitely catch a cold now and that was the last thing I needed right now, but it was due to my own stupidity. I wiped my face with my hands, which were slightly shaking, as the girl from the counter came over.

“Uh,” She shuffled around awkwardly as I looked at her, “Can I bring you anything? Or uh, help with anything?”

A slap in the face to wake me up to reality would possibly be the biggest help she could be offering right now—but I thankfully didn’t say to her. She already looked uncomfortable by not knowing how to react to my current state. I sniffed and went to reach for my wallet before I would look at the menu, I had no idea how much money I had on me. But I quickly realized I had only grabbed my phone before leaving, sitting inside a diner never being in the plan. So instead I went to check on my phone if I had any money on my card, but my phone wasn’t working. Nothing. No matter how much I pressed the button to start it, it didn’t work. Fuck, I forgot to charge it before stepping outside.

“Uh,” Now I felt embarrassed as I averted my eyes from the girl, “I don’t have any money.”

“Oh,” She sounded surprised, “Well, then…I mean, I don’t want to sound rude, but uh—I will have to ask you to leave, really, I have nothing against you, it’s just that—”

“Don’t worry,” I forced myself to smile as I looked up at her, her cheeks red from embarrassment of having to kick me out, “I get it. May I use the restroom before I leave?”

“Sure, of course!” The girl almost exclaimed as she pointed towards the little hallway which led to the restrooms, “But we’ll be closing in about fifteen minutes, so don’t stay inside for too long.”

“Yeah, I’ll just patch myself up a bit and then go on my way.” I muttered as the girl nodded silently and walked back to the counter while carefully watching me, making me roll my eyes. Okay, I might have been looking like a mess, but I wasn’t a walking bomb—no need for her careful gaze on me. It just made my blood boil as I tried not to stomp while I went inside the restroom, glad that I was alone inside. It was colder in here compared to the diner and I shivered as I realized the window was open. I headed towards the sink, eager to warm up my hands with a little warm water, but I gasped once I saw my reflections in the mirror. Jesus Christ, I looked horrible, no wonder the girl was looking at me like that and asking me to leave—even if the reason was me not having money on me. My hair stuck to my face and looked matted in certain spots. My cheeks were completely flushed with the tip of my nose red as well, and I had dark streaks running down underneath my eyes. I forgot to take off my eyeliner and mascara before going to bed and since they weren’t waterproof—here I was, looking like a character straight out of a fucking horror movie. I chuckled as I turned on the faucet and instantly sighed at the feeling of warm water against my hands, warming my freezing limbs a bit. I quickly gathered water in my palms and splashed it against my cheeks, warming them up as well, sighing in content. I was still shivering, my toes frozen, but this was helping.

『I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose』

I let the warm water run as I ran my fingers through my hair, easing the knots in them and trying to make it look presentable as I basically brushed the wet strands back on my head, my hair already curling naturally. The next step was to get rid of the mascara and eyeliner streaks underneath my eyes and even cheek, so I quickly washed them off before turning the faucet off and grabbing some dry towel paper from the holder, drying off my face and hands. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, realizing that my chest felt so much lighter, there was nothing squeezing against my throat anymore.

“You’re fine,” I whispered to myself, gulping, “Fuck, you’ve got this, you’re okay, Y/N, you are okay. You’ve been pushing your feelings away for too long, of course they blew up in your face, you stupid bitch. I really have to stop doing this to myself, ugh—”

I rolled my eyes as I threw the used towel paper in the trash bin and then looked back at myself in the mirror, narrowing my eyes at myself and pointing a finger threateningly at my reflection, “Stop being a sappy bitch, alright? You’re better than this. Yunho’s got his shit together, why can’t you do the same, huh? Just go out there and find a fucking boyfriend, it’s not that hard—wait, no, actually don’t do that! I don’t need no man, got it? Got it.”

I nodded once firmly, a small grin forcing itself onto my lips, making me scoff at myself—sure, of course, bring Yunho into your peptalk, Y/N, very smart—but I just couldn’t help it. At least I was feeling better now, almost laughing at myself at how stupid I was as I stepped back and pulled my shoulders back, nodding at myself encouragingly. I got this! But now I had to run home in the pouring rain, that thought alone was enough to make me cry again, but I willed myself to stop. No more crying. No more sobbing—especially not because of the pouring rain. It was my mistake that I didn’t check the weather or bring an umbrella. I should’ve just gone to bed when I planned to, damn these stupid thoughts. With a last glance at myself, I decided that I was ready to leave the restroom and head home, my mother probably worried sick about me at this point since my phone wasn’t working either. I walked up to the door and grabbed the doorknob firmly, yanking it open a little bit too enthusiastically, but as I went to step outside, the male’s restroom door right across mine opened as well—and I paused, surprised.

Song Mingi was staring back at me just as surprised as I was.

❱❱ Next chapter

[aonungyou-shit]

Hi!! , I just read one of your fics and absolutely loved 🥰 I’ve never requested anything before but I saw that you’re are open so here goes nothing…

A Tsu’tey x reader ( jakes younger sister) who was one of the first dream walkers who was sent ahead of her brother and went to graces school to learn along side the children of the clan who they had hoped would be seen as less of a threat and could lean more and get abetter footing in the clan for them , when the school was attacked the reader ran away scared of what the rda was capable of asking the clan for help and since she was still considered a child they took her in when jake gets to there he’s told his sister had died and instead he comes to find her alive within in the clan mated to Tsu’tey and with a family of her own but she’s terrified of her brother

Hi Hi so so terribly sorry its taken me this long to respond! That is an excellent idea and i wish to kiss your brain because the FLAVOR this has is mwah! I hope you enjoy this

Actually i quiet enjoyed this a little too much.

To Lose, To love, To be afraid

When you came here Around four years now you were fresh to the world of possibilities. You were 17 one of the youngest personal that had been selected for the avatar program. Down on your luck you reluctantly joined. You had never seen yourself live the life you currently had.

You were clumsy at your feet in your new body and new height. Young was your avatar too. Seeing as how some older avatars and Na'vi were just taller than you. Dr. Augustine had been your guide in your new life. The school had been running for 8 years successfully and you were new to said studies. Lucky for herself and you, you were quick to learn.

You were always by yourself. never really fully talking to anyone the first few months. But then Neytiri was the first one to speak to you. You spoke to her sometimes until one day where she caught you outside of school following the gentle flowing of an Atokirina

"what do here Sully?" She asked you stopping you from following any further. It wasn't until she spoke that you realized just how far you were from the RDA camp.

"oh Pardon me. I guess i just got too caught up in Pandora's beauty"

From then on you continued to talk as if you were nothing else than sisters. She has made great company while you were extremely homesick and missing your only family Jake and Tom.

then Came Sylwanin and Tsu'tey. You knew they came to school. Tsu'tey sometimes when ever given the chance and you had grown to really grow fond of them. A little circle.

Grace had been happy that you had made such progress within the year. You were shown how to hunt, what and what you shouldn't eat. You were being taught much more than grace could teach. Little by little the earth you knew as your home was now a long forgotten past.

And then tension grew. You were dining waiting for Sylwanin and Neytiri when you heard the hushed whispers of the Omatikayan

"Sky demons do not belong here, Walk in a suit of flesh and plan to take over our way of life, We must do something"

"Do not be foolish. Hush your howling and continue to eat least of all do not cause trouble"

"I just think we should speak to One of them. they continue to destroy our land, coming here not knowing what to do"

You felt guilty yes, Felt like this could all be your fault and yet you knew that it wasn't the case. You were just here lucky to be one of the people to hopefully unite humans and Na'vi people.

But the fates are cruel and unkind.

Somehow without your Knowledge Sylwanin and a few other hunters had Destroyed what Humans saw most valuable than some 'savage' lives.

In turn causing one of your friends to die. With a broken cry you yelled helping Dr. Grace to get the remaining children out alive. And with it you ran way with them too.

Your heart sank when you realized that somehow you had managed to drag Sylwanin's body back to the people. Begging Praying that somehow she could still be alive.

Heartbreakingly that would never be the case. Mo'at's cries or anguish, Eytukan's wails of rage and the silent sobs of Tsu'tey and Neytiri was all you could hear. You wanted to cry. Hell you did cry, But your crying could never be the same as them. Life is sacred. You had learned that now. So many lives were lost. You knew that sooner or later you would have to wake up from this horrible sight and awaken in your human body.

But all you did was beg and cry with the family that this was not the way it should go. You spoke that if they banished you. If they sought to kill you then you wouldn't mind. A life for a life.

However Neytiri refused. Knowing that you had done all you could to save her people's children and bringing back what was sacred to her family clan.

You were young. You were like a baby and for that reason perhaps too had Mo'at allowed you to stay.

But you could never let go of this guilt. You told them that you came here to seek peace to hopefully live united. But humans can be cruel and no doubt would never see anything wrong with killing sentient living beings.

For humans can be selfish and don't see people as people. But obstacles.

You swore that you were of the people. That you would do what you can with your human body to help the Omatikayan people. But you knew maybe not all of them trusted you. You had grown wary of what you say or that of how you speak.

When you awoken in your human body you went to console Dr. Augustine. Who in her heart break yelled and screamed that what they did was detrimental to what they were trying to accomplish.

But her status meant nothing to men with power.

Threatening her to silence.

"How are the people" she asked you sometimes when you came back from your walking with the Na'vi. And you relied what information you could. Wary of prying ears.

It was only weeks and already You had before one of the people. You would soon be able to make Your bow from home tree. Neytiri congratulating you. and begrudgery Tsu'tey as well.

He Grew to like you once before. But after the death of his promised he had grown to be avoidant of you. Heartbreak was a rather hard thing to get over. You can deny it all you want but you had lost two friends that day.

"You did well" He spoke to you.

You couldn't shake the feeling the immense guilt. The spark was brighter yes but it was anger, discomfort hatred for what you once were.

"are you well?"

"I am, You have proven yourself to be with us"

"That is not what i mean Tsu'tey"

He bit his lip. Ears flattening as he looked at you. You were once what he hated. But it never was your fault. He couldn't forgive that which was only ever filled with greed.

But you weren't to blame. and he could not be angry. For better or for worse things happen as Eywa deems it to happen. He lost someone and in turn found someone with you.

"It keeps me up at night"

"im so sorry"

"do not apologize, You were never the one to blame." he spoke hand now resting on your shoulder. " you and i are one in the same now. You are one mighty fine warrior. I am sure if you were to choose a mate then they will be lucky to hold you"

" i dont think i deserve such thing"

"why? did someone say something like that? just say the word."

You couldn't help but laugh just a little as you sat down. It would be a while before neytiri would call you to receive your paint and be celebrated as that of the people so you could only figure to kill time

"once, Back home"

"Someone said that to you?"

"Yes. But i hold no ill will no malice. Perhaps they are right"

"none sense! Y/n you are mighty and you are strong! Who ever said that is foolish"

You saddened a little. To have someone say that it was different. It felt nice to be told you were something that you never saw yourself as. "Humans are cruel"

"i know"

"Humans kill each other. they kill that of what gives life. Our mother's dead. She died a long time ago and we killed her. Tsu'tey if i am honest i dont want to return. I don't ever want to blindly follow that who brings sorrow and destruction. Tho i know i cannot leave my human body behind." You didnt know where this was coming from.

But he just sat there and listened to your troubles.

" i think it be cruel to leave my potential mate while i live with humans one moment and return the next. That is not right i know it. To be without your other at night. Its dreadful to think about"

Tsu'tey listened to that and somewhere deep in him. Something enlightened. Some crazy idea. he would bring it to mo'at once you had chosen your mate.

However somewhere inside him he began to frown. Was he angry, no he was..lost. Truly he had never held romantic feelings for anyone but Sylwanin and even then it was solely cause he had so much time to try and develop something for her.

Once he was chosen to be her's well he saw no greater honor then to burry his thoughts of choosing someone for him, and here you were disassembling everything he build up.

However now he was promised to Neytiri and while he saw her as a younger sister he had taken that role too. Eywa had her plans. But had she placed you right here in front of him? making his heart beat a little more for you than anyone else?

"Do not worry im sure something will work out"

"Ah Sully there you are" Neytiri said now looking at Tsu'tey and then at you. "good Tsu'tey can help too"

He frowned a little before sitting in front of you and Neytiri behind you.

Your eyes were down cast as you felt the two Na'vi paint you. Not wanting to think too much. There was a lot to think about but that would be all for tonight.

Tsu'tey was having trouble however. How could someone he have hated for being a demon now become someone he longed to protect too? no. You weren't a demon now.

His fingers now lingered on your lips as you stared at him. his eyes staring at where his fingers remained. Before looking at your eyes.

You were uncanny and yet not at the same time. Your eyes were just a little smaller than theirs. Your lips a little fuller than theirs. Your figure was just the tad bit more fuller. You were a dream walker yes.

"You are Omatikayan now"

you wanted to cry a little. but didnt want to ruin the paint before the ceremony.

But once you returned to your human body you didn't tell Grace. You could not tell her. Even if you trusted her. For you were going to try something absolutely insane with the help Of Tsu'tey.

-*-*-*-*-*-

"Y/n Sully is dead" Was all grace got suddenly when your lifeless body came back. Your mask hanging off your face where no doubt this planets atmosphere had killed you.

She wept of course but pushed on as to guide the new people But she mourned you as she had Sylwanin, as she mourned the many Na'vi children who caller her Sa'nok.

You were happy. You had lived 2 full years with the Omatikayan people. In your once fake body now your fully in soul and mind. In those first few months of being fully Na'vi Eywa seemed to test you. You weren't strong like these Women You had always left the fighting to your two older brothers. So you took up the role of a gatherer.

But you were mighty as Tsu'tey had said. Which caused him to seek guidance within The Tsahik and Olo'eyktan. He didn't want to dissapoint them he hadn't wished to grow to fond of you. But you had helped save many children. You adored your role now that you were of the people.

And he could not deny his feelings anymore. He wanted to have you if you would ever so much as liked to have him too.

You had been out when Neytiri had brought you back. Your basket filled with goods as you entered Tsahik's hut.

"Oel ngati kameie, Mo'at" You greeted. Setting your basket in between you and her. Her gaze was one that had looked through you a lot of times. one that before had caused a chill to run up your spine.

That time she had seen you.

She told you what Tsu'tey has asked. She had never seen him be serious like he had been in asking, pleading with her to be with you instead. She understood that Her remaining Heir did not love Tsu'tey and so with guidance from Eywa she let it be.

You would not take long to return those feelings. And it wasn't long after that of which you two had mated that you fell pregnant. Life was not as it once was for the Omatikayan people. Never had a sky demon infultrated their clan and lived along side them.

It wasn't as it once was. The threat of the RDA still rose high. And yet you had welcomed a healthy baby boy into pandora.

That had been almost six months ago and counting. Tonight you had decided to accompany Neytiri in her hunt. Tsu'tey had been reluctant of course, Having to take care of a six month old and then you with your prominent belly full of your second child.

However as night fell You watched as Neytiri pointed to a figure.

You looked from where you stood. An Avatar. It caused your body to run cold. You had not seen an Avatar in over two years. But never the less you followed Neytiri's lead.

Jake Had been told that you had lost your life due to the harsh world of Pandora. Now left alone in this cruel life. Tom and yourself lost to this world that he wanted to help conquer. He hadn't seen your body. But Dr. Augustine had been frank with him. This oxygen killed you.

The Training killed Tom. And now facing off the dangers he was going to get killed too.

Within a blink he had seen two fierce figures jump to his aid. Slaying that of which he could never understand. Before stopping to thank one.

Then They turned to look at him.

"Don't Thank, You do not Thank for this. This is sad" She spoke with vigor as she had been furious.

Jake Turned to look at you and in that instant you felt your body run cold.

"you... Jake or Tom?" you asked between a hushed tone as you looked at said Avatar.

"Y/n? but. But your dead! Dr. Augustine said you were she saw you, you were dead" he exclaimed. At that tone you instantly knew.

Marine. It was Jake and maybe that's why that sinking feeling of fear dropped to your stomach.

Jake knew your features. They were one of a kind. He knew instantly he did and yet it made no sense as to how you were here in front of him. How were you alive when you were dead? You died two years ago did you not? meaning you were now twenty one? but how could it be

how is it possibly to continue to live once you died.

"Quiet!" Neytiri spoke breaking you out of your haze as she began to ask you in Na'vi to come. To let him be lost to the forest. With fear in your heart you did. Running ahead of her and by default Jake as he tried to reach you to talk to you. Trying to get answers and thank you at the same time.

You wanted to retort back before you stopped. The great mother that had guided you here long ago now there she was. Floating gracefully down to your brother.

which he then swatted at.

"Kehe!" You yelled

"Ftang nga!" Neytiri retorted.

Jake Paused before trying to swat again.

"Rutxe. No" Neytiri said now holding his arm as she was the one closest to him. "Atokirina!"

You looked at each other in awe as more seem to go down around him. "Atokirina.."

Neytiri turned to you now. "Lolu Aungia"

Biting back the fear you felt you nodded as you helped guide Jake back. Neytiri telling him to follow.

And when Jake would wake once again in his human body he had quiet a bit to tell back.

-*-*-*-*-*-

When Dr. Augustine was welcomed back to the clan She sought you our first and foremost. She could not believe what jake had told her. It was impossible to believe. That an Avatar was no longer that but a breathing conscious body that once was human.

Moreover she could not believe when She had tried educating Jake on the roles of the people that Tsu'tey no longer was the next Olo'eyktan in line. She could not believe that you were now a mated pair

She was morbidly curious about your offspring too. So once she had gotten permission from Mo'at she went to talk to Tsu'tey.

How big he had gotten. How strong he was.

"Tsu'tey, Oel ngati kameie" She greeted him formally before he turned to look at her

"Sa'nok! Oel ngati kameie, how long its been"

She agreed and Asked him to sit down and talk. And talk they did. She asked how life had been treating him and if he was happy. And once that was all she apologized.

"Forgive me for what they done to Sylwanin"

"Don't fret. It is not your blame." He spoke reassuring her "she lives within our great mother now."

"yes i know...How, no.. is it true that you and Y/n have.."

"It is. She has bore me one strong son. And we await the arrival of our newest member of our family clan"

As if right on time you barged into your home. A babe strapped to your chest resting atop your swollen bump. and a basket resting on your hip.

"Y/n!" Grace spoke without even thinking. hugging you tight. Ever so grateful that Jake's words ran true. You were alive. You were spared.

"Grace?"

"You're alive."

You couldn't help but smile. Trying to hug her as best as you can before your son began to fuss.

"oh Shit sorry" she excused herself seeing the little tot fuss at suddenly being squashed.

"What is his name?"

"Tsaro Rongloa Tsu'tey'itan." You proudly stated Sitting down finally to let yourself rest.

Dr. Augustine stayed and spoke with you two. Far longer than you had thought you may have allowed before she had to leave. Leaving you and Tsu'tey to speak.

"Something troubles you"

"i am afraid as to Why Jake is here"

Tsu'tey rose a brow.

"you've seen first hand how the RDA are. And what greed does to them. My brother was a marine when i left and he came here armed. And i know he is family but i am afraid"

"i dont like him either. He is a threat to my family"

You smiled feeling his large hand on your growing bump. Looking down at your son.

Your fear was justified. You lost friends and people to the RDA. And if what jake told you was true about Tom. Then you had lost family too.

Your fears were Tsu'tey's but you felt safe within his embrace, unbeknownst to you however Jake would be what would bring you peace one day.

======================

please excuse if my ages make no sense. I really couldnt see how to mathmatically make it make sense so im sorry if it troubles anyone.

EITHERWAY i do hope you enjoyed it

[ravennasgf]

LL: More

TW: su!c!de 

A/n: Was listening to More by Halsey when I came up with this 

Being Lady Lesso’s secret lover was hard, but I accepted it for her sake. 

Attending a ball for students and staff and not being able to dance with her hurt a little. Yes we were both Nevers, but she still didn’t want to have our relationship known. 

“So anyone in your life yet?” My best friend Emma asks 

“No, unfortunately,” I say as I see Lesso looking at me with a flash of hurt in her eyes. 

~~ a few days later 

Leo has been ignoring and avoiding me. I decide to talk to her. I knock on her room door. 

“What do you want?” she asks her tone ice-cold

“What did I do wrong Leo…”

“Don’t call me that you have no right after what you said.”

“Is this about the ball? You’re the one who wanted our relationship secret because of your reputation and I have kept that,” 

“Well it seems that you’re more than happy to be single so leave. I have a function to attend with someone,” she says. Hurt and betrayal fill me at how quickly she tossed me aside. 

“So you’re pretending that there was or is nothing between us?”

“You made that clear the other day,”

“Nora…”

“No! get out now,” she shouts. I do so tears falling down my face as I leave the woman I love behind. 

~~~ a week later 

I see her around the school with the new me, she’s very similar to me, and it hurts like hell. I spend the day working the nights drinking myself into oblivion to drown my sorrows. 

Broken beyond repair I take a week off of teaching. I turned to self harm, anti-depressants and alcohol still to numb the pain. 

My dearest Leonora,

I have loved you for the longest time. I still love you and I can’t help it. Somehow I still love you more. I am truly sorry for everything that happened. I’m glad that you have found someone to move on with. I’m sorry for the hurt that I caused you. I’m sorry that the future we talked about won’t happen with me, but I hope your new girlfriend can fulfil it. I wish you nothing but the best. I know that you also hate seeing me every day, so I’m leaving so you no longer have the reminder of me. Again I’m so sorry, I will love you til my dying breath (soon) and wish you all the happiness in the world. I’ll see you on the other side.

Love y/n

I go to the garden and conjure a piano to play and sing as I cry my eyes out. It won’t matter soon I’ll be dead. The pain to much to handle. I start playing More by Halsey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLw3JCQSkCU 

I grab the letter out of my pocket and head to Nora’s office. I knock but there’s no answer meaning she’s out. I open the door and place the letter on her desk. I look around at the room seeing all the memories it holds I decide that the sooner I die, the better for me. I head to my room grabbing my razor, whiskey, and two bottles of pills. I then head to the old headmasters tower. It was time. 

~~ 

After ingesting the pills and alcohol and making deep cuts on my wrist crying my eyes out, my eyelids feel heavy. They finally close. 

~~

Lesso’s POV

Walking into my office I see a folded letter on my desk. As I open it and read it I feel overcome with emotion. I feel a little guilty about what happened. I regret not talking it through with her instead I pushed her away. “I will love you til my dying breath (soon)” as I read that line I stopped breathing. Is she planning what I think this implies. No, please no. as I finish reading the letter I feel a part of my die. A pain rips through my heart and I know that I was right in what she was implying. No, she’s gone and it’s all my fault. 

“NO!” I scream out in pain as my heart breaks even more tears falling a million miles an hour down my face. Dovey and Emma run in.

“Lesso? What happened?”

“y/n she’s gone,”

“What?!’ they ask confused

“I’ll explain later we need to find her,” we all run out of my office trying to find her. I check the tower. Upon entering the tower I see her body on the floor, blood pooled around her. Alcohol bottles and pill bottles. I feel my heartbreaking even more. I rush forward and collect her body pulling it close to mine cradling it, as I scream out in pain. I eventually pick her up and carry her into the evers castle. Dovey and Emma see me and rush forward with tears in their eyes. 

I bring her to the infirmary and lay her cold body down. 

“What happened to her to get to this point,” Emma asks

“That may be my fault,” I whisper out

“What did you do?” Dovey asks me angrily. So I explain everything

“You know a true loves kiss can bring her back,” Dovey says. 

“Just give it a go,” Emma pushes. 

“Ok,” I give in. I give her a small kiss on the lips. 

“Lady Lesso?” I hear y/n say hoarsely.

“y/n you’re ok?” I say with relief. 

“Yeah, why are you here shouldn't, you be with your new girlfriend?”

“We’re not together anymore. I need you, and only you just like I love you and only you,”

“You clearly don’t Lesso and that’s fine, but please leave.”

“No please listen.”

“Fine,” she agrees 

“y/n I love you and I know that I said we should keep our relationship secret but instead of talking it out that night I pushed you away, and I regret it with every fibre of my being as I almost lost you. y/n I love you and I want the whole world to know that it’s you that I love, want and need.” I explain desperation evident in my voice along with love. 

“I love you too Lady Lesso,” she says quietly

“Will you be mine again?” I ask 

“Yes but only if we start talking these things out,”

“I promise darling I can’t live without you,” I tell her honestly. She gives me her incredible smile which makes me smile. 

a/n: please give any requests I’m out of ideas

[love-me-a-lotta-whump]

护心 - Back From the Brink - Whumplist - 🇨🇳

Whumpee: Tianyao played by Neo Hou

Synopsis: Ancient spirit dragon Tianyao found himself badly wounded and heartbroken after the woman he loved betrayed him by dismembering him and stripping him of his dragon scales and then sealing his body parts in five places. Only by luck did his soul escape. Now reborn, he encounters Yan Hui, who vows to protect him as he retrieves his missing body parts. (MDL)

Genre/Tags : Fantasy, Romance, Superpower, Self Sacrifice, Torture, Captive, Long-Haired Whumpee

Watch On: Viki, Youku, DramaCool, KissAsian

WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW

1.01 : stabbed, impaled multiple times, cut up face, heartbroken, feeling betrayed, fought

1.02 : panicked, (flashbacks: stabbed, betrayed, fought), shaking, heavy breathing, emotional outburst, comforted ::: fought (semi comical) ::: not feeling well, concerned for him ::: shirtless scar reveal ::: restrained (magic) ::: captive, in pain, concern for him, struggling to control himself, punched, bloody mouth, passed out in wife’s arms

1.03 : fought (sort of), absorbing his powers again, unconscious, carried ::: laying in bed unconscious ::: (flashbacks: weak, in pain, painful magic used on him) ::: grieving ::: talking about his traumatic past

1.04 : in pain, writhing, concern for him ::: stumbling, weak, in pain, sweating, collapsed against a tree ::: fought, thrown against trees multiple times, semi impaled, coughing up blood multiple times, weak, accepting death, saved, concern for him, helped to walk ::: helped to walk, weak, in pain, hunted, drowning, saved, saving someone, helped to walk, fought ::: angry

1.05 : restrained (chains, cuffs, metal collar)

1.06 : assaulted, protected ::: upset, concern for him

1.07 : attacked, strangled, concern for him, protecting someone, protected ::: in a cell ::: in a cage, sorta mind controlled, fought, beaten, concern for him, coughing up blood

1.08 : fought, blood coming from his mouth, struggling to stand, supported ::: in a cell, bruised, exhausted, groaning, wincing, holding his torso, concern for him ::: in a collapsing building, concern for someone, trapped, attacked, saved

1.09 : overexerting himself, coughing briefly, concern for him ::: coughing briefly, concern for him, looked after

1.10 : sacrificing himself ::: fought, cut hand

1.11 : fought, impaled, coughing up blood, restrained, weak ::: magically restrained, concern for him, in pain, saved ::: unconscious, loved ones told he over exerted himself ::: asleep, woke up, weak, struggling to help someone, pushing himself ::: (semi comedic: choked, arm twisted, coughing, loved one told he’s weak)

1.12 : concerned for someone, allowing her to bite him to calm herself down, trying to comfort someone ::: looking after someone ::: overexerting his powers to help someone (semi comical), exhausted, coughing ::: upset

1.13 : magically thrown ::: cuts on his hands, bleeding, emotional ::: bleeding, pushing himself ::: cuts on his face, bloody, protecting someone, biting his hand to make himself bleed, fought, pushing himself, concern for him, saving someone, weak, bloody, collapsed into her arms, unconscious, concern for him, carried

1.14 : asleep, looked after ::: given food and medication ::: traumatic flashbacks, concern for him, crying ::: laying down, shaking in pain, concern for him, looked after, whimpering, comforted ::: asleep, woke up, looked after, traumatic flashbacks, in pain, concern for him ::: struggling to tame his sword, wound reveal, concern for him ::: struggling to tame his sword, in pain, upset

1.15 : asleep, loved one tends to his wounds as he sleeps ::: struggling to tame his sword, upset ::: emotional, angry

1.16 : emotional ::: attacked, thrown, coughing up blood, magically restrained, loved ones kidnapped, grieving

1.17 : fought, cut face ::: fought, concerned for someone

1.18 : heartbroken ::: upset because a loved one is scared of him, sacrificing himself ::: loved one is scared of him, heartbroken, crying

1.19 : heartbroken ::: trapped, heartbroken

1.20 : heartbroken

1.21 : (in a fake/alternate reality: watching a loved one kill a loved one, using himself as a shield, coughing up blood, fought, allowing someone to stab him, helping them send the sword further)

1.22 : emotional, crying

1.23 : pushing himself, (semi comical: dragon tail stepped on multiple times, wincing), growing weak, concern for him, passed out ::: concern for him ::: asleep, woke up, weak, concern for him

1.24 : protecting someone ::: angry

1.25 : magically drugged, concerned for someone, collapsed ::: woke up restrained, captive, struggling, overly intimate captor ::: concern for him ::: concern for him, still restrained, struggling

1.26 : still captive and restrained, overly intimate captor ::: concerned for someone

1.27 : (dream: loved one tries to kill him, concern for him, concerned for someone, semi fought, weak, half collapsed, concern for him, heavy breathing, growing weaker, loved one finds out he sacrificed his life so she could live, collapsed multiple times, concern for him, fell unconscious, (died?))

1.28 : (flashbacks: fought, cuts on his face, kicked, coughing up blood) ::: fought

1.29 : none

1.30 : fought, thrown into molten gold, trapped, concern for him

1.31 : trapped, his dragon scale armor protecting him ::: chest pain, concerned for someone ::: saving someone ::: self sacrifice, dying, died?

1.32 : found unconscious, concern for him, held, saved (sorta)

1.33 : concern for him, scared, cut face, wounds treated

1.34 : upset, protecting someone

1.35 : pushing his abilities, protecting people

1.36 : had a nightmare ::: upset ::: overwhelmed with power, emotional, collapsed

1.37 : (flashbacks: stabbed, impaled multiple times, cut up face, heartbroken, feeling betrayed, fought)

1.38 : none

1.39 : fought ::: fought, growing weaker and weaker ::: weak, cut and bloody face, bloody mouth, heavy breathing, heavily lidded eyes, exhausted, self sacrifice

1.40 : attacked in his dragon form, consistently attacked, weak, saved, concern for someone ::: weak, held, bloody and cut face, crying, scared, emotional

———+———

MORE WHUMP LISTS >>> {x}

[mari-lair]

Good point, but he also made friends with the ants before he knew Kite was dead. But geez, Gon desperately trying to get Killua to remember him mixed with Killua's now very skittish personality...although I do wonder when this would have happened? I guess the first thought that comes to mind would be when Killua almost bleeds to death, but there's several places in the arc you could potentially make it. No matter what though, this is so heartbreaking. Trying to get Kite AND Killua back and feeling so alone...part of me wants to explore it further and the other part wants it as far away from me as possible.

As for the Zoldycks, Alluka was locked up when she was pretty young and they were scared of her because they couldn't control her. They spent years with Killua, and although I don't like the Zoldycks, they would be absolutely heartbroken to realize that Killua was dead. Illumi is rather obsessive about Killua so I think that would seriously affect him (he'd still probably try to control Killua), but I don't see them casting him out. But Gon would fight like hell so they wouldn't take him away. He's not letting them hurt him again, not ever.

What hurts more is that while I imagine Killua does his best in the Ant Gon AU to accept him as a new person (Apo), I feel like Gon wouldn't be able to handle that. His name IS Killua, they used to be best friends, why can't he remember?! He tries to be patient, but he's just so hurt and overwhelmed by everything that's happened. No matter what though, he's not leaving Killua's side again. He won't fail him again, and he'll get his memories back at any cost. There has to be a way, and he won't stop until he's whole again. Or maybe if he changes like Killua did, they can be together again...(oh god, imagining them both as ants together...)

...damn, this hurts. Why would you do this to us? XD

Gon did befriend Meleon before learning Kite is dead but I still can't personally see him targeting ants as a whole cause he always treated them as individuals, being angry when they treated their friends as trash even before Kite's death and choosing to trust Meleon when he was already full of rage from seeing Kite's broken body. I think (?) Melon even mentioned that when he saw Gon, he saw a 'beast' in him.

He also never blames the king/queen or another ant when Kite did die, it's just Pitou, (which split to himself too since Pitou shows compassion and stop being an 'easy' target for gon's hate) from start to finish (sorry for the side track I know it was a minimal thing of your ask but I get too excited when I talk about CA Gon, I will yap about my boy!! yufgytfdyt)

I'll admit I didn't have a specific timeline in mind of when Killua was turned (again the lore is not in my hands) but your idea of him being transformed during the cave breaks my heart. It would have to be an au where the queen somehow didn't die (maybe the king wasn't born prematurily? idk), since only she can birth chimera ants from what I remember, but AUs are all about bending canon and the mental image of Gon never getting the phone call from Killua and slowly realizing people are acting as if he is already dead so he explodes and goes to search for him make me sad... (So i am sharing cause i must spread my pain)

man... I don't even want to think about Gon's mental state, it makes me too sad... I will lose my whimsy and get too focused on this au..

Yes, I agree about the zoldycks! I don't think they would lock up, disown, or ignore ant!killua, they are very tuned to family and indeed love him lots (twisted as said love is), I just don't think they would still want to make him the heir, cause even outside the whole 'non human' thing, Killua is irreparably anxious now. This is not a ploy to try to control him and make him leave Gon to die and become an assassin, is just who he is, and someone that get anxious in the face of power/the unknown is a weakness even to an assassin in big doses. But mentioning Illumi and the family heartbreak does make me realize something! The zolfyck would also want to bring his memory back, and considering the needle, if anyone would be able to get his memories back it would be Illumi. Gon love can make him remember flashes and vague memories (I adore how love make nen do incredible feats in this manga) but getting his whole life forcefully and violently back from start to finish? Illumi is the answer. And he will try to control him too, likely better since he now have both manipulation nen and Killua's memories to use against Ant!Killua.

I really like the idea Gon can't adapt to 'Killua' no longer being Killua. Cause for as sweet as he can be Gon is self-centered as hell so is very on brand, and to make things even worse than the Killua with Apo scenario, ant!Killua (who I don't have a name for so you can come up with one Edit: his name is Lua) is quick to give up, he doesn't want to get into a big argument and make Gon upset and Gon is already very sad (note: Ant!Killua just assumed saying gon is wrong about this would lead to an argument, so in practice they barely reach the talking stage, which just make gon fully confident Killua also wants to be Killua again, so he is more reckless about it and make killua hate it more but gon is doing it for him, and is an endless circle someone pls help them-)