#hear me out when i say this but if kelly were still alive today she would’ve loved taylor idc

[grrrlschool]

taylor swift and kelly johnson are written in the same font…

[casspurrjoybell-31]

The Consort's Will - Chapter 23 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Brayden

"Your leader has been killing in this chamber long before you found us," I say aloud, knowing Tegan will hear me.

It is a statement, not a question.

The stench of death is both old and new and there are far too many prisoners for this to be a recent development.

In reaction, Tegan forces out a harsh laugh.

"We never wanted to aid either side of this war," she explains.

"We were content enough to watch on the sidelines as humans and vampires destroyed themselves in yet another war."

"Then why step in at all?"

There's a beat of silence and in this moment of hesitation, I sense Tegan's reluctance.

She hates vampires, of this, I am sure.

However, when she interacted with my human, her emotions were genuine.

She does not agree with this.

"Mr. Primary waited until the opportunity was right," she answers carefully.

"When both sides were at their weakest. He moved our armies into the world, capturing vampires and humans alike. Vampires were given the choice to take the cure or be killed. Humans were given the choice to serve or to die."

I close my eyes as she speaks, focusing my remaining shreds of energy on discerning the emotion behind her scripted response.

She speaks as if she is reading from a textbook.

When humans do this, it is because they are struggling to hide their true emotions.

A surge of anger and sadness follow in the wake of her words, overpowering her Secondary nature of practiced indifference.

She is a potential ally.

"As you can see," the guard says beside me.

"There's too much pride in both species."

He kicks his bloodied boot at the limbs of a dead corpse.

Based on the smell, this one was vampire.

"Considering the results of the cure" I say dryly.

"Vampires were never given a choice of life or death. They were just given the choice of the illusion of life or death."

Tegan presses the tip of the needle harder into my back.

It breaks through my shirt and fights to cut through my dead, cold skin.

Another warning.

Our pace slows as Leo vomits.

I feel his disgust and dismay as he wipes the sticky bile from his lips.

The scene around us is of horror books and hell.

On the small chance Leo makes it out alive, he will be scarred by these moments forever.

Reyo eagerly waves us onto the platform as we near.

The guards hoist me up, leaving my chains intact.

Leo follows a step behind me.

I am only a foot away from Kelly's unconscious body.

His fragility has not ebbed since I last saw him.

Shallow bags of purple and blue hug his eyes.

His bones poke out from his skin.

What's left of his thick, chestnut hair has thinned and is knotted in clumps.

I can hear his weak pulse fluttering as he breathes.

"As you can see, we have kept busy," Reyo says, gesturing to the sea of corpses.

He pauses and lightly taps my human's arm.

I feel it against my own arm, a cold, possessive touch.

The blood machine is still hooked up to my human's arm but it is off.

My human blinks slowly.

His chapped lips part as he tries to focus on reality.

Fury builds up deep within me.

"Ah, there we go," Reyo says with a slow grin.

"Good morning, dear Finn. As promised, I have delivered on your request."

He takes a moment to point to Leo, Kelly and myself showing us off like medals of honor which speak to his word.

Finn winces as he straightens himself, squinting at all of us in disbelief.

When his eyes level with mine, my empty chest begins to ache at the intensity of his emotion.

Tears tug at the corners of his eyes and he mouths my name like a whispered prayer.

In his moment of pain, he still is my human of sheer joy, pouring his love into me.

Reyo sees this too and his grin takes on a sinister glow.

"Finn," he says and his voice booms across the city of hell.

"As promised, I have delivered those you love most to say your goodbyes. But, as I am feeling most generous today, I am going to offer you one, final gift."

My human does not react to Reyo's voice.

His eyes remain trained on me, those beautiful doe eyes now drowning in a pain well beyond his years.

There's a yearning inside me, to take him into my arms and promise him a world after this.

To promise to make it right.

"It is true," Reyo starts again.

"That my plan on turning all vampires back to their prior form went slightly awry. But as a means to avoid the mistake of extinction, I am willing to keep one. Just one. Call it, a sole vampire survivor."

Reyo spins and points to the three of us once again.

"Finn, Leo has turned his back on the Secondary population to aide your vampire. Your vampire, Brayden, has committed acts of treason. And unfortunately, your friend, Kelly, is mere minutes from death. All are going to die. What I offer to you, however, is a chance to save one. Just one. Whoever you choose, I will allow to be turned into a vampire or continue life as a vampire and live out their immortality as the sole vampire."

My human's lips part and he coughs.

Spittle and blood spray from his lips and Reyo leans in towards him to wipe it away.

"But they won't be free, will they?"

My human's question is picked up on Reyo's mic, the innocence and love in his voice echoing against the walls.

Reyo recoils, reacting with an audible snarl.

Even when drained of almost all his blood, my human is solely focused on our freedom.

On our happiness.

And he knows, he knows that whoever he chooses will live a life far worse than any death.

Even if Reyo promises them a life of freedom, the person of choosing will be kept as a prisoner, an immortal keepsake for eternity in hell.

"Choose, Finn," Reyo shouts and his voice shudders the chamber.

Rocks and pebbles fall from the walls.

More screams break out around us.

My human gives me a sad smile before looking up at Reyo and whispering his answer.

"I choose myself."

[gubler-me-up]

No Need to Rush

Request: can u pls do a spencer x bau fem! reader where she’s dyslexic but also a genius like spencer and like someone maybe another member of the team/unsub makes a comment abt her being stupid. and she gets really upset abt it. then later spencer comforts her and they have really romantic but rough sex. where he’s just like reassuring her of how smart and beautiful she is.

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! Sorry this took a lil long to complete but I wanted to make sure I wrote this accurately and incorporate everything you wanted into it! Please let me know if you don’t feel as if this representation of dyslexia sits right with you and I will edit it no problem. This fic also concludes smut week (woo!) so I hope you enjoy 💓 

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!reader

Category: Smut

Content warning: Learning disorder degradation, mentions of violence, rough sex, fingering, penetrative sex, creampie, choking

Word count: 3.2k

-------------

It was the dead of winter in Seattle, Washington and a sniper decided it was the best time to have some target practice. His target practice ended up taking three innocent people’s lives as they were living their day-to-day lives. To top off his killing spree, he wrote handwritten letters to the police department. His letters were rambles about him not stopping until he finds his final target.

Hotch had left Spencer and you to go over the letters to try and figure out any indications of who his final target could be. He had sent JJ and Morgan to interview the victim’s family members to try and see if there were any similar people in their circle. Having you four working diligently on piecing the entire story together could end up saving another person from meeting an early demise.

You loved working with Spencer because the two of you were always up to speed with your thinking process. Both of you analyzed each letter with care, making sure nothing was missed which could possibly be used as a clue in identifying who this person and who their real target is.

You felt as if you were taking too long to go through every letter. There were about 20 of them and his incoherent rambles were giving you a hard time efficiently reading them. You had 10 to go through and Spencer was already finished and writing on the whiteboard clues he found in the letters. You were still on your seventh letter, dissecting and writing down what you thought was important. You couldn’t help feeling bad you were taking a long time.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

Spencer looked back at you with a questionable expression. “For what?”

“For taking forever. I’m taking up time reading these letters when I should be brainstorming with you.”

“Y/N, you’re not slowing down the process. If anything you taking your time can identify some major evidence.”

“Yeah, but you could do it within two minutes.”

“Doesn’t mean anything. Valuable information is valuable information no matter how long it takes you to find it. Besides you’re the smartest person I know, so nothing will get past you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

“I’m here to remind you it’s all the time. I’ll be here to remind you every day if you ever doubt yourself.”

You smiled as you felt your worries drifting away. You were always self-conscious about having dyslexia. Growing up with it was the hardest part of your early years because people would see your extraordinary capabilities but questioned them whenever you had to read or spending longer than usual completing tasks. It was embarrassing for you. Even in adulthood you felt anxious about letting people know you were dyslexic because you were worried they wouldn’t see you as a genius.

When you let the members of the team know you were dyslexic, they accepted you as you were. It made you feel welcomed and understood for once in the longest while. It was especially nice hearing Spencer say you were a genius regardless of your dyslexia. You felt as if he understood you the most out of everyone because he had a rough time growing up as a child prodigy.

As you continued to read through the letter you were on, something caught your eye. You looked up at the whiteboard to see what Spencer had written. He had written about sunsets, trees and a park. He had concluded it was about Kerry Park in Seattle and speculated the unsub could possibly live near there. What you had read though made you think of a different possibility.

“Kelly Park,” you said aloud.

Spencer turned to you. “Kelly Park?”

Before you could explain your findings, Hotch and detective Royce entered the room. You were happy they did, so you could explain to everyone your theory as to who the unsays actual target is.

“Find any useful information we can put towards finding the unsub?” Hotch asked.

You nodded. “Yes. Kelly Park’s the end goal.”

“Kelly Park? You mean Kerry Park by West Highland,” detective Royce said.

“No, I mean, yes, but the unsub slipped up…uh no, they-uh- replaced Kelly with Kerry because there is a Kelly Park who lives nearby,” you explained.

“Wait, so is it Kerry or Kelly the name of the person who lives nearby Kerry’s Park?” Hotch asked.

“Sorry, sir. It’s Kelly Park who lives nearby Kerry’s Park.”

“How can you even speculate that?” Detective Royce asked.

“Because it’s in this letter. He says, ‘I spend my days looking at Kelly Park and wondering when I’d be brave enough to leave. I don’t think I am but one day I’ll be free,’” you said while holding it up.

Detective Royce took it from your hand to take a closer look. He furrowed his eyebrows as he read. He looked back up at you questionably.

“Maybe he’s dyslexic. Only an idiot would write Kelly instead of Kerry when referring to Kerry Park,” he said.

You clenched your jaw as he said his ignorant statement. You knew the unsub wasn’t dyslexic and you had a clue right infant of you. You snatched the letter away from his hands as you took a deep breath to calm yourself down.

“I’m actually dyslexic myself and I can tell you right now this unsub is not,” you said.

“I should have known from the time you mixed up Kerry and Kelly in your explanation. For a genius you sure don’t talk like one,” he said.

You felt your eyes stinging from the tears which were trying to breakthrough. What he said was familiar to everything you heard from your childhood. It was degrading to hear it when you knew you were on to something. Especially evidence which could potentially save someone.

“Don’t talk to one of my agents with such disrespect, Royce. My team and I would never slander your team, so we expect the same courtesy back,” Hotch said.

“Hotchner, you can’t seriously believe this is a connection,” detective Royce said.

“Who said it couldn’t be?” Spencer said.

“Common sense. He’s trying to mess up his words on purpose to take us off track from what really matters,” detective Royce said.

“Well, I’m not taking that risk. While you stand there with your arro…ignorance, I’ll actually go and do something about this piece of evidence,” you said as you walked by him to exit the room.

You could feel your heart drop with every step you took. Before you called Garcia you took a trip to the washroom. You went into a stall and made sure it was locked before you let your tears escape. You hadn’t felt humiliated for the longest time. The questionable look and harsh comments detective Royce spat at you made you feel sick. You knew you were smart and you knew you were onto evidence to save someone’s life. Yet you were doubted.

You wiped your tears away and took a few deep breaths before exiting the stall. You couldn’t let what he said distract you from finding Kelly Royce. You knew it would affect you for the rest of the day but you would sleep better at night knowing you saved a life. You didn’t want to be crying over two things tonight.

------

You sat on the edge of the hotel room bed. You had finished getting ready for the night and were ready to get into bed to forget about the day. You were happy you were right about Kelly Park and saved her hours before she was scheduled to go into the heart of Seattle for an appointment. Her ex-boyfriend, Michael Richards, had plotted for months on how to make her death look like an accident. Too bad his guilty conscience and ego didn’t mix well and he compulsively wrote down his thoughts.

It bothered you immensely detective Royce still didn’t give you your flowers at the end of everything. You understood not everyone would apologize for their ignorance and you should be used to it by now. However, you couldn’t help but think about it over and over.

You heard a few light knocks on your hotel room door. You looked at the clock. It was 11 p.m. You got up to go peek through the peephole to see who was trying to get your attention this time of night. You looked through the peephole and saw Spencer standing outside. You opened the door. As you opened it he looked at you with a smile but you could see the concern in his eyes.

“What brings you to this part of town so late?” You asked.

“I want to make sure you’re okay before you go to bed. I know how frustrating today was for you and I don’t want you going to bed with doubt on your mind,” he explained.

You stepped aside and gestured him to come inside your hotel room. You were happy he had stopped by. He was always the first one to give you words of encouragement and a reason to put your doubts aside. You closed the door and made your way over to the edge of the bed to sit. You patted the spot next to you for him to sit down. He took the seat next to you, sitting closer to you than expected. You two were shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh. It was comforting to you for him to be so close.

“You know, if it wasn’t for you pointing out Kelly Park in his letter, she might not be alive,” he said.

“I know and I’m glad it worked out in the end. I just…”

You trailed off as a wave of doubt overthrew your thought process. You started to think if you had been wrong, if it were just your dyslexia getting the best of you, an innocent life could have been taken. A tear slipped from your right eye. You quickly wiped it away before Spencer saw. He must have seen it escape because he placed his hand on your thigh and squeezed it.

“You have a beautiful mind, Y/N,” he assured you.

“It doesn’t translate properly when I say the wrong words, read slower than average, mix up-”

“And all that doesn’t make a difference to how you save lives every day. If detective Royce wasn’t so prideful he would have thanked you properly for bringing to light what they brushed off,” he said.

You chuckled. “Yeah, he is a prideful idiot.”

“Exactly, so don’t let him or other doubters get to you. I believe in you wholeheartedly and always will. The team does as well, so we’ll always back you up.”

You smiled brightly at him as you felt your deep sadness fade away. He had such a way with words you felt as if you could rule the world solely based on his encouragement. You opened up your arms and embraced him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around the small of your back. He rubbed your back gently as you placed your head comfortably in the crook of his neck.

“I love how you’re always here for me, Spence,” you whispered into his neck.

“I’ll always be here to remind you of your worth and beauty,” he said.

You leaned up from his neck and faced him straight on. Your faces were just an inch away from each other as you lost yourself in his eyes. You softly smiled and found yourself saying things before your brain could process them.

“I could just kiss you right now,” you blurted out.

“Why don’t you?” He asked.

You were now speechless as you weren’t expecting him to be open to the idea. Perhaps he did find more than just your mind to be beautiful. One of his hands moved from your back and found its way to the side of your face. He moved your face closer to his and your lips finally met each other. He gently eased his tongue into your mouth before he dived fully into your mouth.

You placed your hands on his chest. You pulled on his shirt to bring him forward even more to minimize the space between you two. He moved his hands and placed them both on your hip. He brought you onto his lap without breaking your kiss. You glued your hands to his face to prevent him from even considering moving away from you. His hands squeezed before slipping his hands down your pyjama pants.

You didn’t give it a second thought and raised yourself off his hips so he could pull your pants off along with your underwear. He leaned away from your lips as he stared at you with a deep yearning in his eyes. He caressed his hands up your thighs, to your hips and then under your shirt. He pulled your shirt off to reveal your bare breasts.

“I hope you like what you see,” you said.

He smiled. “Of course. You’re beautiful beyond words.”

He then placed your right nipple in his mouth and swirled his tongue around your nipple. You moaned loudly as his tongue made your nipple feel a stimulation you never thought they could feel. He freed your nipple from his mouth as he quietly hushed you.

“We can’t let anyone know where in the same room together,” he whispered.

“I don’t care,” you said as you desperately leaned into him to steal another kiss.

He kissed you back. You held his head in place so he wouldn’t dare move away from you again. You soon felt his thumb circling around your clit. It wasn’t enough to make you stop kissing him but it made you release endless moans into his mouth. You then felt him shove two fingers into you which made you stop kissing him and set your moans free into the atmosphere. He pumped his fingers in and out of you so quickly you couldn’t find the time to catch your breath.

“If you can’t handle my fingers, how do you expect to handle my dick, beautiful?” He asked.

“I…I can,” you stammered.

He smiled. “I haven’t doubted you yet, have I??”

He took his fingers out of you and went to work on undoing his pants. You stared down at his huge bulge as he slipped down his pants and then his underwear. Your eyes widened as you saw his dick. He looked at you to see the amazement in your eyes. He softly chuckled as he grabbed your ass and squeezed it tight as he brought you forward to position you.

“Sit down on it and try not to be too loud,” he demanded.

You did what he asked and lowered yourself onto his dick. The further you went beyond the tip the more your mouth went agape. You could barely even get to the base without feeling as if his dick was already completely inside of you. He did you the favour and forced you all the way down on his dick. You let out a shriek which was cut short by him sticking his two fingers coated in your juices inside your mouth.

“Bounce on it and don’t make a sound. Understand?” He asked.

He nodded your head ‘yes’ for you and you started bouncing on his dick. You could feel your legs quaking as you engulfed his dick in and out of your repeatedly. Once you established a rhythm, you rolled your eyes to the back of your head and enjoyed every inch of his dick stretching your walls.

“How about we pick up the pace?” He asked.

Your eyes shot open as he bucked his hips up and disrupted your rhythm with his new set motion. You moaned heavily around his fingers as his dick kept ramming into you with no mercy. He used his other hand and squeezed your left breast. He licked your breasts before gently biting your nipple.

“Fuck,” you moaned.

“I only ever treat extraordinary women like this,” he said.

“Really?” You moaned.

He lifted you off his dick and laid you on the bed. He gently wrapped his large hands around your throat as he positioned himself on top of you. You could feel your adrenaline pumping as he lowered his face down to yours and kissed you softly on your lips before he stared into your eyes.

“You’re the only extraordinary woman I know,” he said.

“Fuck me like an extraordinary woman,” you said.

He obliged and rammed his dick into you with urgency. You moaned repeatedly as you took in every inch of his dick inside of you. He kissed along your jawline before reaching your ear.

“Who gets fucked like this?” He asked.

“Extraordinary women,” you whimpered.

“And what are you?” He asked.

“An extraordinary woman,” you whimpered.

As he continued to fuck some sense into you, he whispered nothing but the sweetest things in your ear. He called you beautiful, brilliant, amazing and his favourite, extraordinary. It felt nice hearing those things being repeated over and over in your ear especially by him. His dick definitely enforced the message as with every word he said to you, his motion would intensify. You wrapped your legs around him as he continued to fuck you.

“Where do you want me to cum, beautiful?” He asked.

“Inside of me,” you moaned.

He tightened the grip around your neck. “Louder.”

“Inside of me,” you shrieked.

“Look at me while I cum inside of you,” he demanded.

He grabbed your face to keep you still so your eyes were focused on him the whole time. He bit his bottom lip as he stared at your worn-out expression as he fucked you. He slowly stopped going at his rapid pace and soon stopped. You felt his cum fill your insides and you let out a soft moan at the feeling.

He let go of your neck and eased up from on top of you. You felt him stick two fingers in you and he pulled them out quickly. He placed his cum covered fingers on your lips. You opened your mouth and licked the cum dripping off his fingers.

“I don’t ever want you to doubt yourself again. You’re fucking amazing,” he said.

You leaned up on your elbows and smiled. “You are too.”

“Since I can’t stay in your room for the night without raising suspicions in the morning, how about we do something when we get back home and you can stay the night at my place? You know, for extra reassurance,” he said with a smile.

You giggled. “I’d love that.”

He leaned into you and gave you another big kiss on the lips. As he parted from your lips he stared at you with softer eyes from before and brushed your hair back.

“Maybe I’ll stay for a few more minutes. You like cuddles?” He asked.

“I love them,” you said.

He chuckled. “Great because I have a deep desire to cuddle you and make you know you’re treasured.”

You could have cried when he said that. Instead you wrapped your arms around his neck and pecked him on the lips. It wasn’t the best time to cry. You wanted to cherish the moment as a positive part of the day.

“Thank you, Spence. You’re extraordinary.”

“I guess that makes us a perfect match.”

“It sure does.”

—–

Tagged: @shadyladyperfection​, @slutforthegubes​, @pinkdiamond1016​, @spencerreidsthings​, @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​, @slutforsr​ @bxtchboy69​, @fallinallinmendes​

MASTERLIST

[supercorpkid]

It’s you against the world.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader, Kelly Olsen x Niece!Reader.

Word count: 3175.

Warning: Still angsty, I guess.

I would recommend checking the Rescue Mission series if you haven’t yet :)

Kara said, ‘one thing at a time’. You’re alive, and back on your feet. Brainy is nursed back to health. Alex is out commanding the DEO back again. Jamie is exhausted, but fine. Kelly looks like she never even was in danger in the first place. And your Gramm is talking about going back to Midvale. Everyone is doing ok, but Lena.

How can no one be talking about this? About the fact that she’s not even here. About the fact that she looked blankly at your face and told you she doesn’t have a daughter, nor a family? This should be the only thing on their minds because it’s the only thing on your mind. How can they bear the fact that one person from this family is not here? How is the fact that she’s alive and safe enough for them?

As soon as your feet touch the ground and you get the ‘approval’ for leaving -even though you still look like a war painting, with all the blood and the bruises-, you fly out of the DEO. Kara tries to stop you, but she doesn’t know where you’re going, so you guess she’ll show up in a while. You fly to where you found Jamie and Lena. The place is abandoned and none of the guys that you beat up are still there. Well, there’s no one to follow now, so you figured they have fled the scene.

You grab everything you can see that was possibly used to erase her mind. You even carry the chair out of that hiding place and into L Corp. You use your super speed to take everything into your lab, and then call the front desk to let Aly know you’re in there. You beg her not to tell Lena, because you’re working on a surprise, and tell her you don’t want to be interrupted by anything or anyone.

You’ve been working for hours, and you’re almost sure it’s night and you haven’t heard from anyone yet. Great, Aly is doing her job and not letting anyone disturb you. This should work.

“Baby, please.” Kara knocks on your lab door, and you breathe deep, trying to ignore her. You don’t have time for this, for whatever it is that she wants, you just can’t waste time. You only have time for one thing in your life right now and you don’t care about the rest of the world. “Can you open the door, so I can see your pretty little face?”

“I’m busy, go away!” You answer, rolling your chair to the computer behind you, and your hands go crazy on the keyboard.

“I’m not leaving.” Kara says, and you look at the door, rolling your eyes. “I need you to open the door, so I don’t have to break it.”

“Don’t you dare destroy L Corp property, Kara Danvers!” You speak loudly and your heart squeezes on your chest when you hear your own voice. You sounded just like Lena.

Kara sighs on the other side of the door, hanging her head low, thinking the same thing you are. You know that by the way her heart changes a beat the slightest.

“My love, I know you’re hurt. I know you want to solve this, and trust me, I want you to crack this too, but-”

“Then leave!” You yell, cutting her off. “If you want me to solve this, then you have to leave and let me work, because right now you’re distracting me.”

“It’s the middle of the night, you need sleep.” Kara keeps going, and you see her hand on the handle. No way in hell you’re going to let her break this door. You roll your chair towards the door and open to a puppy face doe-eyed Kara. “Little one, you just got out of a fight where you almost died. Let’s go home. Let’s wash this blood off and-”

“No.” You roll back to your workstation. “You can stay and help if you want, but you will not convince me to leave. This is my fault, and I have to fix it.”

“Kid, this is not your fault. You did what you had to do. You saved her. Rao, don’t you get it?” Kara goes to you and kneels next to your chair. “You saved everyone. You saved me, Jamie, Alex, Kelly, Eliza. And you saved Lena! Lena is safe! Alive! Because of you.”

“It’s not enough. I didn’t do enough.” You ignore her, hands still moving fast on the keyboard. Although, if you’re being honest, you’re not exactly typing anything that makes sense right now. You’re just distracting yourself, and trying to show Kara how busy you are, so she can leave.

“You did what you could’ve done. You did what I would’ve done in that situation, baby.” Kara says, putting her hands on top of yours so you can stop. With her other hand she holds your chin, and makes you look at her. “You are a hero. This is not your fault.”

“Stop.” You clench your jaw, feeling the anger boiling your blood. You try to stop it from coming up and devouring you, but you can’t. “Stop patronizing me. I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“I know you’re not. You’re an awesome superhero who just saved all National City. But you’re also a person, and you have basic needs. You need to sleep, eat, change out of your super suit, wash this dry blood off, you need to catch some sunlight to heal your bruises, and I-” Kara breathes heavily swallowing her tears. “I need you.”

“You can stay and help if you want, but-”

“Stop. Please, baby, please, stop.” Kara says, eyes full of tears. You can see the pain on her face. You can hear the pain in her voice. It makes you sadder. “I miss her too.”

“Not enough.” You get out of her grip, and stand up, going to the table behind you, distracting yourself with the first thing your hands can grab, in front of you. “You can’t possibly miss her enough if you’re here trying to convince me to stop trying and go home.”

“That’s not fair. You’re my daughter and I have to care for you.” Kara stands up, walking to where you are. She easily spins you around and strokes your cheek gently. “Look at you, baby, you’re battle-worn.”

“You can’t be here talking about sleep and shower when your goddamn wife doesn’t remember who you are!” You slap her hand away from your face. “She-she doesn’t remember me! I did this! You don’t get it!” Your eyes are full of tears too, but it’s more than sadness. It’s guilt, and pain, and anger. It makes you furious that everyone else in the entire world is out there doing anything, anything besides helping your mom get her memories back and be herself again.

“I do.” Kara tries, which only makes you angrier.

“NO, you DON’T!” You yell, making her flinch at the voice raise and she takes a couple steps back, giving you space. “And you NEVER will!” You grab the first thing you see and throw it on the floor next to her. Kara watches, motionless, the wrench breaking on your hand, and then kicking on the floor before stopping in front of her feet. “You will never understand how this is my fault. I made the wrong call. You’re Kryptonian, she’s human. I should’ve gone for her first!”

“Then why did you go for me?” Kara furrows her eyebrows, looking stung by your declaration.

“I thought you could help me.” You hold her gaze defiant. “But you didn’t. You couldn’t. I had to do it alone, and I didn’t do enough.”

“You have to stop saying this. Kid, you sacrificed yourself for us. How is that not enough?” Kara comes closer again, holding her hands out so you can hold it. “You nearly died. You did more than-”

“I told you to STOP PATRONIZING ME!” You punch your anger through the table, making a hole right where your hand went. “GET OUT!”

“Little one-”

“I said GET OUT! Get out of my lab!” You point at the door. “Only come back here when you realize that mom needs me. That I’m the only one who should-who can bring her back. Until then, you’re not welcomed here.”

Kara stands there, unmoving. Taking in your every word like punches in the gut. But you don’t care. You’ve been punched in the gut a lot today. By aliens, by your own gullibility, by Lena’s empty look towards you, by your guilt that’s been eating you out from the inside.

You turn around, so you don’t face her, and you go grab more things for your work. She looks lost, stuck there, drinking your words in. You don’t look behind yourself for a few good minutes, and when you do, she’s gone. No trace she was ever there, except the things you broke because you’re mad.

You are mad at so many things you don’t even know where to start. And you decide not to. You can’t start thinking about the things you’re mad about or this will never get done and you will have to go longer without Lena knowing who you are.

You go back to work. Solely focus on bringing her memories back, whatever it costs. You are tired. You’re past the point of hunger. You start to feel your blood drying up on your skin getting so parched it breaks it off when you move, and you know you could use a shower. You’re fueling your body with energy drinks only, and you guess they were put outside your door by Aly. You lose count of how many meals you’ve skipped; despite the fact that food is also placed outside your door from time to time. And how many sleepless hours it has been now. You’re battle worn, exhausted, and drained out, but you won’t leave this lab until you crack this.

“Kiddo, is aunt Alex.” You hear a voice coming from your door. Honestly, by now, you might as well be hallucinating this whole thing. It feels like you’ve been alone here for days now.

“If you’re not here to help, then don’t waste your breath.” You answer, finally looking at the door and you see she’s not alone. “I don’t think therapist Olsen can help.”

“Can you just open the door for a minute?” Alex asks and waits a little. You don’t go there. “Please, kiddo, it’s not fair you can see us, and we can’t talk to you face-to-face.”

“You want to talk about fair?” You run to the door, opening it with so much anger it startles both of your aunts on the other side. The sight of you, you imagine, also helps with this shock. “Let’s talk about how you made me decide which mom I had to save first! I’m just a kid! You put that decision in my hands! How is that fair?”

“Hey, that’s not, kiddo, come on.” Alex breathes deep trying to calm herself. “That shapeshifter was playing with us. I told you to go for Lena, but it-it had Kara’s location. It wanted you to go for Kara, so it could buy time to erase Lena’s mind.”

“You should’ve made me! You’re the grown-up! You’re the director of the DEO, you’re the one who was supposed to know what to do!”

“Well, surprise, I didn’t!” Alex raises her voice a little, and Kelly holds her arms like telling her to calm down. “I didn’t know what the hell was going on and my sister wasn’t answering. So when that alien gave you Kara’s location, I wanted you to go for her. There was no way for me to know what was really happening so you can’t-you just can’t blame me for this.”

“Lucky for you, I don’t blame anyone but myself.” You turn around, going back to your computer. “I see you didn’t come to help, so you can make your way out. If you're looking for confirmation, there, you have it. It’s not your fault.”

“Honey.” Kelly says in the most condescending tone you’ve ever heard, and you hold your breath and close your fist trying to hold the anger inside. “It’s not your fault either. You were tricked, like everyone else. Alex was tricked by fake Brainy, me and Jamie got tricked by fake Alex. We all got tricked too. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“And you don’t blame me?” You turn to them again, narrowing your eyes. “None of you blame me for this?”

“Of course not!”

“No, not at all!”

“That’s funny.” But you’re not laughing. “Would you still not blame me if Jamie couldn’t remember you? What if I were too late to save her too? What if right now your daughter didn’t know any of you? Are you sure the speech would still be the same or would you be here helping me find out the fucking solution for this nightmare I’m living? Huh?”

They blink at you. No words come for a few seconds where they just drink your words in like Kara did. You don’t have time to waste on this.

“Get out. And tell Kara to stop sending people that can’t help me.” You turn around again. They sigh and leave, defeated.

And you go on. Alone with your sick and raging mind. You have no sense of time anymore. It could be minutes since they left, hours, days. You wouldn’t know.

You look at the device ready in front of you. Run the numbers on the computer again. This looks good, it looks like it could work now.

“This is my tenth try on the memory recovery. I have changed the programing on the original alien mind wiper.” You breathe deep, recording yourself. “I’ll use my memory wiper to forget something stupid, then I’ll try to fish that memory back with the memory recovery. I’ll forget my school’s principal’s name, so I guess goodbye Mrs. Goodwin. Here goes nothing.”

You use your memory wiper on yourself.

“Ok, I forgot whatever her name is. Let’s try fishing that memory back now.” You grab the metal halo thing you took on the alien’s hiding spot and put it on your head. “Ok, the principal of my school is called-” You think and think. You go back to every moment you were face to face with her, every time you got called at her office. “I don’t know.”

You yank the halo out of your head, and drop on your knees, crying.

“I don’t know!”

It doesn’t work, nothing works. Nothing you do is enough!

“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!” You yell, punching the chair out of your way, and it just rolls to the other end of the lab, falling loudly.

You didn’t save her soon enough. You didn’t stop them before they harmed her, and you don’t fucking care they are dead, they still won. Your mom doesn’t remember you; they have won. You’re alive, having to deal with this shit. Having to deal with the fact that you’re not enough. Not enough of a superhero, not enough of a scientist.

You’re weeping on the floor. So incredibly heavy-hearted and alone. And you’re also so mad. So freaking furious with the world. How dare it come for your family? How dare the world keep throwing drama and trauma on your back all the damn time? It doesn’t even give you a chance to breathe, before sending more fucking ass suffering your way.

How dare National City depend on your family so much? Why can’t they save themselves? Why can't heroes catch a break? Is this a legal thing? Was it a contract you signed without being aware? Why. Can’t. You. Just. Be. Happy?

You don’t even see it happening, you’re too drained and reliving your own nightmare to notice. But Kara walks in the lab, sits on the floor, picks you up gently and wraps you up in her arms, wordless. You just stay there, sobbing mercifully on her shirt, while she strokes your hair gently and says something you can’t make out because of how loud your thoughts and words of accusation for yourself are.

“It was not your fault. It was not your doing.” You finally make out what Kara has been repeating like a mantra to you.

“Mommy. I want her back.” You sob and Kara kisses your head gently.

“I know, little one. I want her back too.” You look at Kara, and all the pain in her face. Pain that you helped add up, by the way. “But I want you back first, my love. I want you so much more.”

“I’m sorry I said I shouldn’t have gone for you first.” You stop clinging to her so you can raise your hand to her face and clean her tears. “I did what my heart told me to, and I’m not sorry for it.”

Kara kisses your hand and smiles softly at you.

“I know what you’re feeling, because if presented with the same situation I would have done exactly what you did. And I would be here feeling guilty and mad at the world.” Kara says, holding your face with both hands.“So I can’t judge you for feeling like this. All I can do, my baby, is tell you no one else thinks this is your fault. No one is going to blame you if you just go home and sleep, before coming back here again and keep going. And no one is going to say no to help you, because we all want Lena back as fast as possible.” Kara’s breath shudders out , like her heart is on your hands. “So please, my heart, please come home with mommy and sleep this through, and tomorrow I promise I’ll do no objection for you to come back to work. In fact, I’ll come back and help you if you want.”

“I don’t think I can fly right now. Will you please take me home?” You ask softly and Kara smiles at you, kissing your forehead as a response. She picks you up, walking out of the lab. She turns off the lights and closes the door.

And you close your eyes and wait.

You thought if you left the lab without a solution the world would instantly burn down and destroy you. But instead, you feel the wind on your hair. You hear the world's sounds. Smell Kara’s perfume, mixed with sunshine and that perfect familiar scent of home.

You open your eyes to see that the world is still the same. That you’re not going to be punished for not having a solution right away and even before Kara lands in the backyard, you’re sleeping this nightmare away. You can go back to fighting the world when you wake up.

Notes:

Thanks @yvonkayvonki for the idea of the kid fighting with Kara. I thought it made sense for her to be so angry after the fight she would take it on the world, STILL broke my heart though.

[anna-justice]

But We Do - Upstead

Summary: 5 times Jay and Hailey said they were “just friends,” and 1 time they knew they were something more. 

Warnings: swearing, fluff, maybe mentions of violence?

Requested: No

…

1 - they don’t cancel other plans, have conversations with nothing but their eyes…

Jay walked out of the breakroom, phone pressed to his ear and a cup of coffee in his hand. They were wrapping up an intense day in intelligence, they had closed a big case involving a tender age victim, all of them were taking it pretty hard. 

“Hey man,” Jay said quietly as he approached his desk. He watched his partner sigh, running a hand through her tousled blonde hair. 

“Hey,” Will said, “We still on for the game tonight?” 

Jay kept his eyes on Hailey, she looked distraught. “Uh…” Hailey looked up, catching his gaze and giving him a weak smile. Jay furrowed his eyebrows at her and she shrugged, her chest heaving as she looked back down at her report. “Sorry. I can’t tonight, something came up. Raincheck?” 

“Yeah, no worries man.” Will said, “I’ll see you later.” 

“See you.” Jay agreed, finally finishing the last few steps to his desk. He sat down, placing all the reports on his desk in a neat pile. Swiftly, he leaned over the monitor in front of him and swiped a stack of papers off his partners desk, replacing them with his cup of coffee. 

Hailey was startled by the commotion, glancing up at the man across from her. He was focused on his computer screen, deep in thought. Hailey smiled softly, taking a sip of the coffee before getting back to work. Jay felt her gaze on him, he avoided it, focusing on the task before him. If he looked up he’d get lost in those bright blue eyes, and then he’d never get any work done. 

About an hour later, Jay threw his pen down on his desk, groaning. “I’ve written the word ‘offender’ so many times that it doesn’t even feel like a word anymore.” He said. 

Hailey cracked a smile, “You done?” She had been for about 20 minutes, but they were the last ones left, and she didn’t want to make him work alone, especially since he was helping with her work load. 

 Jay nodded, “Yep, just finished, ready to get out of here?” 

“Yes.” Hailey said immediately, grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. “Give Will my best.” 

Jay stood, “I’m not meeting Will.” He confessed. 

Hailey looked at him, confused. “You said you were going to the Hawks game, Jay, you’ve been excited all day.” She frowned, but he just shook his head.

“Will gets tickets for every game, there will be another one.” He jokes, but Hailey doesn’t look convinced. “I’m not really feeling it tonight, not after today…” It was true, he didn’t want to ignore his problems for the night, not when she’d call him out on it later anyway. Plus, Hailey was way more fun than a Hawks game.

She eyed him cautiously, “As long as you aren’t ditching on my account.” 

Jay laughed, “I am.” Hailey glared at him. “Not cause you need it, cause I do.” Her expression softens as Jay grabs his keys and coat, “Come on, drinks on me.” 

Hailey smiled, falling into step behind him. “You spoil me.” 

2 - they don’t call you in the middle of the night, couldn’t even tell you why…

Hailey shot up in her bed, her chest rising and falling at a rapid rate. She held a hand to it, trying to control her breathing. She hated to admit it, but nightmares were a constant issue for her, it was rare that she slept a full night.

It made sense, the trauma of her childhood, in addition to the horrors she sees on the force. When her mind wasn’t actively fighting against the memories, they were all consuming. Tonight though, was a special type of terror. It was often that Hailey dreamed of her green eyed partner, but sometimes he snuck into her nightmares. Every once in a while, she was transported back to that day, the day she almost lost him. And even though he lived, in her mind at night, the fear that he didn’t was overwhelming. 

She rolled over, clutching her pillow. All rationality said he was fine, probably asleep in his own bed. Her phone caught her eye, like it was pulling her to it. It sat there taunting her. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore, she just needed to hear his voice. 

Obviously, she had him on speed dial, only needing to click his contact. The ringing started and after the fourth one, she considered hanging up. Then after the fifth… “Hello?” A groggy voice asked. 

“Hi.” She said softly. She had the sudden urge to throw her phone out the window.

Jay sat up immediately, running his hand over his face, “Hailey? What’s wrong?”

Hailey froze, she hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Nothing.”

“Okay?” He said, not really convinced. 

“I just needed to make sure you were okay.” Hailey rushed out. She blushed to herself, thankful that he couldn’t see her crimson cheeks. 

That woke Jay up all the way, he sighed, his voice laced with concern. “Hailey, I’m fine.” He waited a few seconds. “Are you?” 

Hailey took a breath, she debated confessing everything she had been feeling lately. How affected she was by her dreaming that he was dead. “Uh, just a bad dream.” 

“About?” He asked. 

“That day.” She said softly. He didn’t say anything. “I’m okay, Jay.” She said,trying to reassure him.

She heard rustling over the line, “I’m sorry Hailey.” He said, “For what I put you through.” 

“I know.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. It was oddly comforting, the constant assurance that the other one was there. “Jay?” Hailey asked.

“Yeah?”

“Will you stay on the phone...until I fall asleep?” She asked, cautiously. It was a strange ask, especially because Hailey knew that there was no way she was going back to sleep, but she wasn’t ready to hang up, and she wasn’t ready to talk.

Jay sat there shocked, there was something so intimate about her request, something he wasn’t expecting, but certainly something he wasn’t upset about. “Yeah, I’ll be right here.” 

They both laid back down in their respective beds, phones laying on the pillow next to them. Eventually Hailey heard the sound of soft snores, she smiled to herself. She closed her eyes and just listened: he was alive and he was there.

3 - they don’t almost say “i love you,” when they’re downtown somewhere just a little drunk...

Jay sat in between Kevin and Will at Molly’s knocking back his third beer. They were celebrating Adam’s birthday, which meant they were in for a night full of alcohol. Adam was a bit of a control freak when it came to his birthday, insisting that everyone was at his beck and call for the day. They all let it slide, after all, he acted like their own personal assistant on each of their birthdays. 

“Okay boys.” Adam called to the long line of their friends sitting at the bar. “Time for shots!” 

Kevin laughed, “Are you paying?” 

Adam shrugged, “The party is on me tonight, but you all are responsible for getting me home alive.” 

Kevin nodded, looking to Jay, who nodded. “Copy that.” He turned to Herrmann, “I’m going to need two of those badboys and a glass of that fancy bourbon I know you are hiding back there.”

“Make that two,” Jay said, holding up his hand. 

Hailey, Kim and a few of the other girls watched the antics from across the bar. Stella came over, carrying a tray of miscellaneous cocktails and bottles. Kim’s jaw dropped and Hailey started laughing. Stella shrugged, setting the tray down. “I heard Ruzek’s buying.” She said, before floating back over to the bar.

“Thank you!” Hailey called.

Sylvie picked up a cup filled with green liquid, “Why is it green?” 

“Absinthe?” Kim asked.

Hailey quickly took the drink from Sylvie, “Believe me, you don’t want this.” 

Sylvie laughed, picking a different drink. “Yeah, probably not.” 

Hailey smiled, taking her pick of the tray. She played it safe, pulling a beer off the back. “Lame.” Gianna teased.

Hailey shrugged, “Someone has to get those losers home.” She glanced at the bar, watching her partner down a shot with Adam.   

Kim raised her glass, urging the other girls to do the same. “Happy Birthday Adam.” She said, and they all took a sip. 

About thirty minutes later, Jay was more gone than he had been in a long time. The man could hold his liquor, but he could not keep up with Kevin or Kelly. He was handed another shot by his brother, who was right there with him. Jay tossed it back, barely feeling the burn. 

He slumped over on his stool and turned to scan the bar, his gaze landed on his partner and it stayed there shamelessly. She was laughing, her head thrown back and her body visibly shaking. He smiled, leaning back against the bar and just watched.

Kevin glanced over, following his friend's gaze. He chuckled. “Jay, man.” He said, nudging his shoulder. “You’re staring.

“No I’m not.” Jay said, his gaze never leaving her. 

“Sure.” Kevin slurred, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around to face the bar. Jay glared at him, Kevin held up his hands in surrender. “I’m just trying to help you out.” 

“Chuckles is staring at you.” Trudy teased Hailey from across the table. Hailey, not so subtly, snapped her head around, causing the whole table to laugh. “Well, he’s not now.” 

Hailey slowly faced her friends again, her cheeks bright red. “Yeah, just checking.”

Sylvie giggled, she had taken a small sip of the absinth anyway. “You like him.” 

Hailey shook her head, “What? No.” She stared down her drink, “We’re partners. He’s my best friend.” 

“Okay.” Kim said, smirking, everyone else following suit. 

Before he knew it, Jay’s gaze was back on Hailey. She was so pretty, he didn’t even understand how someone could be so beautiful. He picked up the full shot glass, downing it quickly. He had spent the whole night thinking about her, and he couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel the way he did anymore. 

Jay pushed himself off the stool, stumbling a little, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he made way across the bar. “Hi Hailes.” He said, grabbing her attention.

Hailey smiled brightly. “Hey, having fun?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow. She could tell he had been just by the way he was swaying in front of her. 

Jay nodded, “Yeah...um...I need to tell you something.”

The whole table watched him eagerly, “Yeah?” She asked, her heart racing.

Will looked over and his eyes widened at the empty seat next to him. “Kev.” He said.

Kevin looked over, “Shit.” He said. He motioned for Will to follow him and they raced over to Jay.

“I-” He started, but Kevin and Will appeared on either side of him. 

“Hi Hailey.” Kevin said.

“Bye Hailey,” Will continued, before grabbing his brother's arm and yanking him away from her. Hailey sat there in shock as they walked away, talk about a let down.

Jay huffed, ripping his arms away. “What was that?” He snapped.

“It was us saving your ass.”

4 - they don’t talk about the future, and put each other in it…

Hailey shifted in her seat, turning her body slightly towards the center console. She held up the camera in her hand, looking through the lens. She snapped a picture of the license plate of the car that just rolled up. 

“You see that?” Jay asked from the driver's seat, leaning back. Hailey nodded, taking another picture. Jay scribbled down the make and model into his notes before they watched the driver re-enter the car and drive away. 

A few minutes went by and they sat in silence once again, they had been on a stakeout for several hours and all they had to show for it was a few license plates. Hailey sighed, “So, the Sergeants exam sign up was posted this week.” She said, bringing up something she’d been meaning to for several weeks. 

“Okay?” Jay said, “You planning on taking it?” He asked, chuckling. 

Hailey shook her head, laughing lightly. “Me? No way. I think you should.” 

“What?” Jay, finally looked over at her. 

Hailey looked at him in disbelief, he really hadn’t thought about it? “Jay, you’ve been a detective for almost ten years, don’t you feel like it’s time to take the next step?” She asked.

Jay shrugged, “I hadn’t really thought about it...maybe in a couple more years. Why? You sick of me?” He teased.

“No,” Hailey said, rolling her eyes. “I just want you to succeed, and Voight has always said you’ll take the unit one day…”

“Yeah, one day.” He said, cracking a smile. To be honest, he had thought about the test, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to potentially move on from Intelligence or from his partner. 

Hailey turned to face him completely, “Well, when one day comes, I’ll help you study.” 

Jay watched her, her smile so genuine. He had just said that he was going to wait a couple more years, and Hailey intended to be there for them. “So, you’re keeping me around?” 

“Yeah, you haven’t pissed me off yet.” Jay gave her a look, “Much.” Hailey took a breath. “I’m serious Jay, I’ve got your back, no matter what, no matter when.”

“Thanks.” Jay said, squinting at her. 

Hailey scoffed, “You sound surprised…” 

Jay shook his head, “I’m not surprised, it’s just nice to hear you say it.” He turned to face her, “We don’t talk like this very much.” 

“Yeah, cause you show emotion once every three weeks.” Hailey teased, slapping his bicep.

“Oh, you’re one to talk.” 

Hailey laughed along with him, leaning her head against the window. “Jay, you know I’d follow you anywhere, even to another unit. I’m not losing this.” She gestured between the two of them.

Jay nodded, he knew she was talking about their partnership, but couldn’t help but hope she meant something else. “I know, and you’ll always have a spot, wherever I am.” 

“Good.” 

5 - they don’t stand around playing with their keys, finding reasons not to leave…

“Jay, can you stop hovering.” Hailey said, turning to face him. He had been following her around her kitchen for fifteen minutes while she did random things.  He had brought her home from the hospital a few hours earlier, and he hadn’t left her alone since. 

She was tackled down by a suspect earlier that morning and after getting checked out by Will, they learned that she had a few bruised ribs. It was nothing too serious, but it was enough for Jay to have a mini aneurysm about it, which is why Hailey was coming close to stabbing him with the knife she was trying to put away. 

Jay took a step back at her harsh words, putting his hands up. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Hailey stood up straight, placing her hands on her hips. “I think I’m capable of unloading my dishwasher.” 

“Alright,” He said, admitting defeat. He grabbed his keys off the counter and headed towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“See you, thanks for dinner.” She said kindly, before turning back to her work. 

Jay opened the door, watching her for a few more seconds. He was about to leave when heard a thud, followed by a hiss. Within seconds, the door was slammed shut and he was back by her side. “Hailey.” He said, picking up the bowls that fell on the floor.

She huffed, leaning against the counter, hand draped over her stomach to cover her rib. “I’m fine, I just couldn’t reach.” She explained, nodding at the open cabinet. 

Jay sighed, “You’re not fine.” He set the stack of bowls neatly in the cabinet before turning to face her. “Come on.” 

Hailey rolled her eyes and followed him into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to him. He threw a blanket over her before getting up again. “What are you doing?” Hailey called after him.

There were sounds of rummaging in the kitchen, and then a few seconds later Jay appeared with a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. “Here.” He said, “You should take these.” 

He handed her the cup and Hailey took it gratefully. “Thanks.” 

“Yeah,” He took a step back, standing next to the couch. He shifted nervously, keeping his eyes on her. “Well, I guess I’m gonna go. Promise me you’ll stay put?” He asked, and Hailey nodded. “Okay, Goodnight Hailey.” He said, before walking out of the room.

Hailey sighed, as much as she hated being fawned over, she didn’t want him to leave. “Jay!” She yelled.

Two seconds later he was standing in front of her again, “Yeah?” 

“I’m probably going to need your later…” She said, watching a smile appear on his face. “Do you just want to stay?” 

“Yes.” He said immediately, “I mean…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “If you really need me to.” 

Hailey laughed, “I do.” Jay took it as an invitation to reclaim his seat on the couch, pulling the other half of the blanket over him. Hailey leaned her head on his shoulder and stayed put, exactly like she promised she would.

but we do…

Hailey sat with her head resting in her hand as she watched Jay from across the room. She was staring, and it was obvious, but he was too busy chatting up some girl to notice her gaze. Molly’s was crowded, like normal, but tonight she had decided to sit alone. She had been watching the girl flirt with her partner for a while now, and she didn’t want to bring anyone else down with her mood. 

She thought things had changed, that maybe Jay felt the same way about her, but the look on his face right now was telling her otherwise. Hailey sighed, averting her gaze and staring absently at her phone, trying to distract herself. It wasn’t working. 

“You know,” A familiar redhead said as they slid into the seat across from her, “You could just tell him how you feel.”

Hailey sat up straight, looking at the other Halstead in disbelief. “What?” 

Will laughed, “Don’t even deny it Hailey, I’ve been watching you make eyes at my brother for the last hour.” 

“I’m not making eyes.” She snapped, keeping her gaze trained on him. 

“Okay.” Will said, taking a sip of his beer. “Just for the record, I think you would be satisfied with his answer.”

Hailey jumped off her stool, throwing a ten down on the table. She was glad she had decided to only have one beer, she was sober enough to get the hell out of there. “Goodnight Will.” She said shortly before rushing towards the door, not giving her partner a second glance as she passed. 

Jay watched the blur of blonde hair fly past him, noticing that it was Hailey walking out the door. His eyebrows laced together and he stood, “It was really great to see you Marissa, but I need to go.” He said quickly before grabbing his jacket and racing out the door after his partner, he was gone so fast that he didn’t even hear the girl say goodbye.

“Hailey!” He called after her.

Hailey turned around, she was only a feet ahead of him, she blamed her short legs. “I’m fine Jay, go back to your date.” She said a little harsher than she meant to before turning to walk away again. 

“Date?” He asked, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to him. “Hailey, that was Will’s ex-girlfriend, I was friends with her brother in high school, we were just catching up.” 

Hailey scoffed, “That little shit, ugh, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to explain yourself to me Jay, we’re just friends.” 

Jay ran his hands through his hair, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Are we?” He snapped. That got Hailey’s attention, she watched him closely as he took a step forward. “Hailey, I’ve to convince myself that there was nothing here, because you are my best friend. But friends don’t act the way we do, I saw you watching me tonight, that wasn’t a ‘friendly’ look.” He said. 

Hailey blushed, looking at the ground. “Jay-”

He tilted her chin up to look at him. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but I can’t. I love you Hailey...and I think you love me too.” Hailey swore she stopped breathing for a second, his eyes were locked on her and she couldn't believe what he was saying. She searched his face for any trace of regret or concern for her, because half of her still thought she was hallucinating. “Feel free to say something-” She reached up and pulled him down to her, attaching their lips. Jay arms secured themselves around Hailey’s waist as he lifted her up to meet his height, her arms wrapping around his neck.

Jay held her tightly against him, his lips never leaving hers. Finally, Hailey pulled away, breathless. “For the record,” She said, taking a deep breath, her hand running down the side of his face. “You’re my best friend too.” Jay smiled, but she knew he was waiting for something else. “And I love you too.” 

…

A/N: I’ve had the idea for this fic for forever, so I’m glad I finally had a reason to write it. I’ve been a Maddie & Tae (ft. lyrics from “Friend’s Don’t) fan since the beginning and I’ve always thought that this song was the Upstead anthem. It’s perfect for them. Thanks for reading!

[rahleeyah]

A little follow up to this post; Elliot's new partner comes over for dinner.

The next day, Stabler comes in looking a little sheepish.

"Doing anything Friday?" He asks.

They've only been working together a month or two, and they don't really talk personal stuff, as evidenced by the fact that Stabler introduced him to his not-wife and didn't even bother to mention her connection to him. Stabler's never asked him about his weekend plans. Mark is immediately wary.

"Why?"

Stabler laughs.

"Listen, Liv wanted to know if you wanna come by for dinner. The boys have sleepovers that night."

Idly Mark wonders if all six of their kids are boys and where the hell they found six families willing to host them for sleepovers. Maybe some of them doubled up. His first instinct is to say no, but honestly, he's curious about her. Captain Benson. Olivia. Liv.

"Yeah all right," he says.

"You should bring your girl. If you want."

Mark raises an eyebrow at him, and Stabler lifts his hands in a "don't shoot the messenger' kind of way.

"Liv said I should ask," he says, like that explains everything.

"You always do everything she tells you to?"

Mark just wanted to tease him about being whipped, but Stabler's face gets kinda serious.

"Yeah," he says. "There's a lot of shit in my life went wrong that would've been right if I just listened to her the first go round. Took me thirty years but I've learned my lesson."

Thirty years. That's a hell of a long time, Mark thinks. Thirty years, six kids, four grandkids, and working the job the whole time. He doesn't know how they're still alive.

"Her name's Kelly," he says. His girl. "I'll bring her."

Stabler gives him a smile that's all teeth.

So Friday rolls around and Mark and Kelly turn up at the address Stabler gave them with a bottle of cab bc he says Liv only drinks red. It's a nice little house in Queens, on a nice little street, two big ass black suvs parked out front. His and hers tanks.

"Are you nervous?" Kelly asks him. He wants to say no. Why should he be nervous? He spends all day, every day, and some nights, too, with Stabler. He likes the guy. But then he's never had dinner with a Captain before. She definitely makes him nervous.

"Nah," he says, and kisses Kelly quick before they get out of the car.

Stabler answers the door in jeans and a black button down and no shoes. He's comfortable, in his own home, and Mark can smell dinner from the doorway.

"Elliot Stabler, this is Kelly (can't be arsed to pick a last name)."

"It's so nice to meet you," Kelly says as they shake hands. "Mark talks about you all the time."

"Back at you," Stabler says with a grin. It's bullshit, Mark hasn't told him anything, but he can't help thinking the man just did him a favor by lying. Kelly is smiling ear to ear.

"We brought this for you. Mark says your wife likes red."

"She's not my wife," Stabler says reflexively as he takes it. "But she'll love it. Come on."

There's bookshelves everywhere. Mark figures they must be hers, he didn't peg Stabler as much of a reader. There's pictures everywhere, too, but Stabler's walking too fast for Mark to get a good look at them. In the kitchen she's waiting for them, Captain Benson. Her heavy, dark hair is pulled back today, and she's wearing soft, casual black pants and a cream colored blouse. She doesn't look scary, at home like this. Stabler goes to her, passes her the wine with one hand and lets the other settle at the small of her back, lets it stay there while he makes introductions.

"Thank you so much for having us," Kelly says. "You have a lovely home."

Benson looks at Stabler before she answers, the two of them sharing a private smile.

"Thank you," she says. "With a seventeen year old and a ten year old in the house it usually looks more like a federal disaster area."

"You didn't have to clean up just for us, Captain," Mark says. It's partly a joke and partly a test, and she sees through him at once.

"Please," she says. "Just Olivia here."

"You're a Captain?" Kelly shoots Mark a dark look. He may have forgotten to mention that to her.

"She's gonna outrank me for the rest of our lives," Stabler says easily. His hand is still resting at the small of her back.

"And don't you forget it. Now, who wants a drink?"

They stand around the kitchen with their wine glasses while Stabler and Benson finish cooking. He does as much of the work as she does and Mark is kind of impressed, bc he didn't peg Stabler as a cook, either, but he can tell Kelly's taking notes. The conversation flows pretty easy; Benson is nice and she knows how to talk to people, and she keeps the conversation away from work, keeps Kelly engaged. But it's kinda weird seeing Stabler, who Mark initially thought was a grim son of a bitch, smiling so much at this woman he can't take his eyes off of. They carry the food to the table, settle down to eat, and at the first lull in the conversation he strikes.

"How long you two been together?"

Stabler told him thirty years already, but he wants to hear the story. He figures it's a good one.

They share a look, Stabler and his not-wife. Like they wanna get their stories straight before one of them answers. It's not a question Mark would have thought would require a dress rehearsal.

"Long time," Stabler says softly.

Olivia reaches for him under the table. She's discreet about it, but Mark can tell her hand has just landed on his knee, and it's not going anywhere.

"It's a long story," she says, and then she switches gears. It's a fascinating deflection. "I want to thank you for coming," she tells him then. "I wanted to get to know the man who's gonna be watching his back. But I wanted to wait until I knew he hadn't scared you off."

"He got a history of running off partners?"

She laughs, Stabler doesn't.

"What's the record?" He asks. He wants to know if it's true, if Stabler really doesn't work with anybody for long. There's another long, strangely communicative glance between the pair of them.

"Thirteen years," she says, very softly. Stabler reaches for her hand and kisses the back of it gently.

"Lucky thirteen," he says.

Holy shit, Mark thinks. They were partners. That's the story they don't wanna tell. They were partners for thirteen years, and now they're shacked up. It's kind of impressive.

"Mark says you have six kids," Kelly says then. She doesn't like being left out. "Is it just the two boys at home now?"

Benson's smile is a little forced. Under the table, Stabler covers her hand with his own, there against his knee.

"Yes," she says. Doesn't offer anything else. Like she's waiting for Stabler to decide how much he wants to tell them.

"My first wife-"

"Only wife," Benson says, so quietly Mark almost doesn't hear it. Stabler shoots her a wounded look. Apparently it's a disagreement they've had before.

"My first wife and I had five kids. She uh. She died. A few years ago. The older kids are grown. Maureen and Kathleen have kids of their own now. Dickie's getting married next year, Lizzie's…Lizzie. Eli's a junior this year. Liv adopted Noah when he was a baby."

It's a lot of information to take in all at once. He can tell that Kelly regrets asking. She thought it would be a safe topic of conversation; what mother doesn't want to talk about her children? She hadn't counted on the baggage. But Kelly is Kelly, and she is devoted to her optimism.

"You're like the Brady Bunch," she says.

Benson laughs out loud. Stabler relaxes, infinitesimally.

Mark can see it all in their eyes now, though. How Stabler was married to someone else, had five kids with someone else, while they were working together. How he lost her, how he grieved, how he and Olivia finally got together and made a home out of the wreckage but the memory of his wife lingers, and maybe Olivia isn't ready to assume the title she's always thought belonged to someone else. She'll live with him, fuck him, raise her kid with him - Liv adopted Noah, he said, no mention of his own involvement, like he wasn't involved at all - but she can't bring herself to be his wife. We'll get there, Elliot told him. He wonders if that's true. He feels kinda bad for the guy.

[serenasoutherlyns]

The Way You Held Me Up

“Sure,” Kelly says, in acknowledgement, pulling Tracey's own vocabulary out with none of the blades.

Tracey's on an edge. Kelly keeps her away from it.

a/n: Tracey x Kelly. Casey Novak is in it too, implied Novelly. Implied redhead/redhead relationship.

Warning for suicidal ideation, depression, and eating disorders; though I did my very best to write in a sensitive way. It's more about the relationship than the struggles. Title from "This Will Be Our Year" by Dear Nora.

“I’m always worried,” Tracey says. She’s trying to wrap it up in sarcasm, tuck it between layers of professional dedication and personal concern. Yes, all of that is there, Kelly knows this, and she feels the same way. Every case she tries lodges itself in her chest, spine, the back of her tongue while they’re trying it, after all. Some stick longer. Don’t I know it, she wants to say. She wants to. Kelly isn’t just talking about this case, she’s not just talking about cases. Tracey’s always worried. More than Jack or Arthur, though the jury’s still out on Casey.

“I know,” Kelly offers, trying to be supportive. “You don’t have to knock yourself down like this all the time.” She feels the room get colder. The window isn’t open.

“Sure,” Tracey replies, and it could cut someone else. She always tries, doesn’t she.

---

“Don’t you think you should eat something?” Kelly says as she takes her coat off, already resigned to the response.

“I’m fine.” There it is. She expects it, still, she doesn’t want to hear it. Tracey isn’t fine. Kelly can’t tell if she doesn’t know that or if she’s unwilling to say it. Probably a bit of both.

“OK,” Kelly says, not trying to hide her disbelief. “I got you some Pad Thai anyway.” She watches Tracey go through a few reactions, ones she knows well from careful study. Eyes wide, then narrowed. “Extra lime, no sprouts,” Kelly continues, “I’m not stupid.”

“I said I didn’t want anything before you left,” Tracey says, almost wounded, and Kelly’s baser instincts want to crush the styrofoam cup of iced coffee she’s holding because can’t she accept something for once?

Kelly sticks to the facts. “That’s true,” she says, as she hands her the box and a fork. Tracey doesn’t touch it.

---

“I’m begging you to pass this one to Jack,” Kelly says. Begging is her last resort. She’s struggling to keep the frustration out of her voice. She knows antagonizing Tracey isn’t going to help her. It’s last minute, and late evening, they’re the only ones in the office, she doesn’t have many options, and this case feels far too relevant.

“What, you don’t think I can handle it because it’s sad?” Kelly knows Tracey knows that isn’t what she meant. The frustration builds, but melts just as fast. Kelly also knows this isn’t her fault.

“At the very least, let me take the lead on it,” Kelly says in a softer voice. Tracey blinks, but Kelly sees the tears. She always sees them.

“I’m not going to shatter,” Tracey says, but she actually looks more breakable than Kelly’s ever seen her, eyes downcast, wearing a sweater she's gotten too small for.

“I didn’t say you would,” Kelly says, and yeah, she thinks, Tracey won’t. She’s tough. She still doesn’t deserve this.

“What gives?” Tracey asks, trying to squeeze a justification out of her.

Kelly considers her words and sighs, looking in her eyes, speaking quietly. “I just wish you’d make things easier on yourself.”

---

"You need to drop this," Tracey had said, the same edge to the words. Kelly had wanted to defend herself, but every word coming to her mind, she knows, was going to make things worse. She'd only sighed, pulled her coat on with a bit more force than usual. It pays, sometimes, to be the calm one.

She doesn't need to drop it. She's right. But sure, screw her for wanting Tracey to still be alive by the end of this case. The thought sends a wave of fear, regret through her. Maybe she should've stayed, what if-- she doesn't let herself finish that thought.

She's taking her time walking to the subway, the scenic route, as it were. A newsstand; a pack of gum, resisting the cigarettes she doesn’t smoke anymore. Some scenery.

Kelly’s sure Tracey’s still upset, and, for her part, It doesn’t always feel good to be right. It’s loud in the station. The snow melting off boots turns to steam quickly in the heat. The crowd is a comfort, she’s invisible as she slips onto the subway.

So much for anonymity. She’s confronted by Tracey in a bright red coat. Messy curls and big brown eyes. Red eyes.

“Was there only one car?”

“Have you been crying?”

She looks away. Kelly doesn’t think before taking her in her arms.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Kelly holds tighter.

---

"Are you alright?" Casey asks her over coffee, in front of the courthouse, before a meeting. She isn't. "You look possessed."

Kelly scoffs. She always had a way with words. "I'm fine."

"No you're not." She also doesn't take well to bullshit.

"I didn't sleep well," Kelly says, which isn't a lie. Casey sees right through it.

"Why?" she asks. Kelly doesn't have to answer. Tracey walks past them, holding a cup. Kelly tears the edge of her coffee sleeve and watches her all the way up the steps. "Oh," Casey says. "My advice?" she says, "let it go. Dating the boss is never worth it." Kelly files that comment away for later, because she and Elizabeth hadn’t been as secret as Casey seems to think. She wants to tell her that she's misread the situation, that there's nothing to let go. Casey would know she's lying.

"I can't," Kelly whispers, her voice tired, and it's the truth. Casey realizes she's misread this.

"I'm sorry," she's softened her tone. She looks at her watch, she has to be somewhere. "I gotta go," she pats Kelly's shoulder, a bit awkwardly, "You'll figure it out."

---

“You know that you could die, right?” Kelly says. Tracey tenses. She knows she shouldn't be here, but she's so scared. Tracey didn't answer when she called. They've been talking around this for an hour outside her building as the sun goes down, on the step, in their coats; but after a longer silence than the others, she can't keep herself from saying it.

“Everybody dies.” Tracey's voice is quiet, like she doesn't want her to hear it, really.

“Most don’t kill themselves.”

“I’m not suicidal,” she replies. Kelly picks up a trace of uncertainty that makes her blood run cold.

“You have a problem,” Kelly says, even though she knows it's not what Tracey wants to hear.

“Everyone has problems.”

“Sure,” Kelly says, in acknowledgement, pulling Tracey's own vocabulary out with none of the blades. She can't keep her composure anymore. “I can't,” she says, stops herself as it comes out high pitched, hurting. She swallows it down. Tracey takes her hand, pulls her in, insistent, as she wraps herself around her.

---

"It's not a good time." Tracey's words come muffled through the door. Kelly's sure it isn't a good time, but she left her files in there and she needs them.

"I left my files in there and I need them," she says.

Tracey lets her come in. She looks tiny. She's barely meeting Kelly's gaze. Kelly wishes she knew what happened, today or in general.

Kelly shuffles through the papers on the desk, finding her own quickly. As she looks up, she catches Tracey watching her.

"What?" she asks, hoping that nothing about her appearance is wrong.

"Just watching you," Tracey says, unguarded, genuine, like she didn't think about what she was going to say. If she blushes, Kelly doesn't see it. It's unexpected-- not unwelcome.

---

“I, um,” Tracey says. Tracey, who is standing, pale, rosy, at her doorstep at 12:30 AM, says. “I’m sorry, I woke you up, I shouldn’t’ve, I’ll go,” Kelly looks at Tracey in a way that stops her mouth.

“You’re not going anywhere,” she says as she opens the door wider. Tracey nods, biting a nail. Kelly guides her inside, then onto the couch, a gentle hand against her shoulder blades. She takes her coat. Tracey is wearing street clothes, jeans and a t-shirt. She feels almost naked in her shorts and camisole, her robe. Tracey did wake her up. She can wake her up whenever she needs her, whenever she wants her.

“I was going to,” Tracey starts. She tries again, “I couldn’t sleep, and then, I, I caught myself--”

Kelly’s sure she can’t hear whatever’s coming next. Tracey doesn’t think she can get it out. A hand on her arm and Tracey doesn’t keep trying. “Tea?” she asks. Tracey accepts. Mint? she nods. Kelly can’t tell if she’s more comfortable or spaced out. She puts water on to boil and they sit there, listening to the street, the sounds the stove makes, the sounds the water makes as it starts to boil. There are no lights on in her apartment, but the curtains are open. Kelly watches the lights outside reflect over Tracey’s eyes. Neither of them says a word. The kettle whistles.

They stay wordless as the teapot is emptied. Kelly thinks, anyway. She falls asleep with Tracey’s head against her chest, with her arm around her shoulders, safe, with her, for now. She wakes up in the same place at dawn with no sign of Tracey except two more mugs on the drying rack.

---

“I’m glad you’re here,” Kelly says when she sees Tracey walk in, her words coming out more nervous than she intends. Her mind has been racing since she woke up alone; what-ifs that she tried to cut off before she imagined them. Tracey is here and she proves all those scenarios wrong. She seems astonishingly normal in her sweater, like nothing happened. But the grateful, exhausted, fierce, defiant look that Kelly is met with as soon as they’re alone in her office is enough to reassure her.

It’s sharp. The way it makes her smile is exhilaratingly familiar.

It’s the way she’d felt the day Arthur Branch had introduced the two of them. Tracey had given her seemingly endless difficult tasks, to see if she could handle it. Kelly told her about halfway through the day that, while she could finish it all, she felt it would be more efficient to have some help; and Tracey had given her an impressed, mischievous smile.

It’s the way she felt the first time they were together outside of work, drinks on a Friday, only the two of them, in a bar that played jazz over the speakers.

So, she thinks. That’s what she’s been trying to tell herself.

---

“I’m cold,” Tracey says, “Are you cold?”They’re sitting in the office right around 5 and the temperature is quite tolerable.

“Not particularly,” Kelly says, not looking up from the law journal she’s reading.

“Why am I so cold? I’m freezing,” Tracey says to nobody in particular, releasing the words into the space. Tracey genuinely seems not to know why she’s cold. Or why she’s been complaining of headaches for weeks.

“I could make a case,” Kelly says, teasing, closing the book. “Though it may be circumstantial.”

Tracey wiggles her nose at her. It’s unreasonably cute. Maybe she’s putting some pieces together, here.

“I’m done with this,” Kelly says, “and you haven’t turned a page in ten minutes. Will you come get some dinner with me?”

This is the kind of invitation that could open the door to impropriety, Tracey thinks; but she certainly doesn’t mind that, even if it comes right after the slightest bit of pushing. As they step into the elevator, Tracey thinks she catches Kelly looking at her, not with the protectiveness and fear she’s developed over the past few months, but something else, heated, deep. Desire, she lets herself hope.

---

“Hey,” Tracey says when Kelly walks in the door, sounding OK, for once. She can’t believe she’s this happy to see yogurt.

“Breakfast!” Kelly says, because it’s all she can do to exclaim. She can’t believe how happy she is to be on the receiving end of rolling eyes, but the flutters from the smirk are to be expected.

“Coconut,” Tracey says, wielding the little cup like a trophy. Kelly thinks she deserves it, among other things.

"Is it good?" Kelly asks. She doesn't expect Tracey to hold out the spoon for her. It is good.

---

“Good morning, Casey,” Kelly says as she walks past her, just a hair late, carrying two coffees.

“Morning.” Casey hasn’t seen her look this normal in weeks. Not run down. She wonders if maybe whatever was going on with Kibre has blown over. Casey knows Kelly gets about up to contented, not beyond; so if she’s reached “good morning” levels, it’s a good sign. Tracey walks up just a moment later. Too curious not to watch, she sees her place a hand on Kelly’s shoulder, then she sees the way they both smile to see one another. Tracey takes a coffee out of Kelly’s hand.

Casey guesses that their whole bureau must have set their alarm clocks slow because that tall redheaded junior is rushing up after them. She thinks she remembers Kelly mentioning that one. Said she was talented, Casey might think about poaching her to Sex Crimes if the opportunity came up. She probably won’t, for her own sake. Though apparently she’s in the minority on this one, she’s had enough of office romances. She makes a mental note to ask about her.

---

“That’s beautiful,” Tracey says, regarding an orchid Kelly keeps on her mantle. Kelly wonders, only briefly, if she’s making the right choice here. Tracey’s her boss, and she’s just gone through a lot, and she’d seen all of it and they’re so close, that she worries. She knows, though, that she crossed that bridge a long time ago, then crossed it again having Tracey in her apartment, cooking for her, playing music she knows they both like instead of taking her out somewhere that could possibly be construed as platonic. Since then, it’s been a question of when.

“Nun’s hood. Very hard to cultivate with the amount of sun I get.”

“It looks like,” Tracey says, her trademark grin that comes before a joke starting to shine. Kelly doesn’t give her the satisfaction, however tempting it is. She nods.

“Doesn’t it?” she says, hovering on the edge of a laugh, setting down her glass of wine. “It’s beautiful.” She inches closer to Tracey on the couch, puts her feet on the floor instead of curling them under herself; so as to ensure less of a barrier should that gap be closed. She has to let Tracey make this move first. Tracey may have more professional power, but Kelly already knows she wields a formidable amount of interpersonal power.

Tracey rolls her eyes and smirks, looks, somehow, more like herself than she ever has before. She closes the remaining couple of inches. Kelly tastes like wine and cherries and salt; and Tracey can feel her world narrowing in that moment. There is nothing else, Tracey thinks. Hopes there’ll never be.

---

“Yes” is the only word that Kelly can possibly say, even now that she’s stopped counting the times Tracey’s had her like this. It’s the only word in her mind, it’s the only thing that feels right on her lips, that feels right against Tracey’s. Yes please, yes there, yes again. Tracey is in her arms, solid and grounded and warm and breathing, heavy against her neck, collarbone, wrist. Here. Alive.

Kelly prefers this kind of embrace; desperate, hungry, closer and closer.

Every time they touch doesn’t have to be for reassurance from fear. Security can be Tracey’s fingers pressing into her hips, can be soft sheets and light from the street in her room. She isn’t scared.

She doesn’t realize that she’s started to cry. Tracey looks up, panicked, stops what she’s doing. She sniffles, disoriented at the absence of touch.

“Are you OK? Is, did, what happened?”

“I’m,” Kelly says as she raises herself up on her elbows, her voice quiet with want and with tears, tone colored by the smile raising her cheeks, “so happy.” The look of relief, affection in Tracey’s eyes makes her dizzy. A hand on her cheek, she looks into her eyes. “You’re here,” she says, thinks; alive, with me.

Tracey sticks to the perfect, inevitable, unbelievable facts. “I’m here.”

---

I'm tagging all the people I know who care about TBJ-- if you would rather not be tagged, please let me know! @1000spices, @commasplice27, @jesterofrohan there's not enough Casey to tag my Casey list :)

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Whumptober Day 15: Possession

CW: Blood, knives, stabbing, mild gore and skin removal, suicidal ideation from one character, some dehumanizing language

TIMELINE: The end of the Bad Arc

“Just-... fuck, keep going, please-” Ryan’s voice is thin and strained, and his back arches off the old hardwood floor, rattling the chain that connects his iron collar to the wall. There’s a fine sheen of sweat over his scarred, burnt, cut-up, healing skin. The ring of raw skin around his neck is surrounded by the scars of the old wounds, healed and reopened and healed and reopened as the collar never stops burning him alive. His head thumps back into the floor, heels pressing against it, panting up at the ceiling. “Don’t stop, Ora please, please don’t stop…”

Ora looks up, their lips pressed together, hazel eyes wide and full of more feeling than Ryan has ever seen them have before. Their hair hangs, bright, freshly-dyed Kelly green in their face. They’re sweating too, stripped to a tank top in the dim, unlit room, with only a little yellow sun coming through the paper that Ashley and Abraham tape over the window. Everything has a sickly yellow tint. “Ryan, this isn’t-...” They hiss, closing their eyes, gulping in deep breaths, before their hands go back to work again. “This isn’t going to do any good-”

“Yes, yes it will, it’s h-helping. I can feel it rising, fuck, please, God, don’t fucking stop now, he’s hurting Danny… he’s going to turn Nate into him... keep going keep going keep going keep going, fuck yes keep going, ah!”

Ryan’s eyes flicker bright and glowing, fall dull, flicker to life again. He digs his fingernails into the grain of the wood underneath him and wails as the knife Ora stole from Abraham digs deeper beneath the first few layers of skin over his hip.

The pain is a burning thing, but Ryan has spent a year drowning in pain, and he can handle this. He can survive this. 

Abraham has taught Ryan how to survive this, now.

There are lashes across his back that ache and itch, mostly healed. He feels a few of the deepest reopen, knows his blood will smear red across the floor, even as more blood dribbles from the skin as Ora slides the blade beneath. 

Below them, Danny is screaming behind his muzzle. Downstairs, kitchen or living room or outside - maybe it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t because wherever he is, Ryan is coming for him, just as soon-

As soon as Ora cuts the fucking tattoo off-

Your true teeth are waiting. It’s not a voice, it’s not his own thought, it’s a certainty that runs even deeper than that, rising like a wave, building like heavy dark clouds along the horizon of a dried-out place. It’s the scent of hot dry air in a land he’s never been to, a land that still feels like home. As Ora cuts the first strip of skin with the yellow eye off of his hip and peels it back, he feels something in him slowly cracking open, a darkness with yellow eyes waiting to step out.

He’s so fucking tired.

He’s tired, and sick, and hungry. 

He’s hungry in ways that eating cannot soothe. He wants something that Abraham can’t give him. He’s starving for it, and he needs it to save Danny, to save-... to save Nate, he thinks, who he can hear arguing with Abraham, but it doesn’t matter. 

He’s going to do for Danny what his big brother has always done for him.

He’s going to take this pain, and survive it, and then he’s going to save Daniel Michaelson from being destroyed.

“That’s-... oh god, that’s one,” Ora mutters, their face pale and greenish around the edges. He watches them jerk forward, fighting the urge to throw up at the sight and smell of so much blood. Ryan takes a deep breath and reaches out, gripping onto their wrist. His hands are slippery-slick with sweat that keeps pouring off of him. 

The yellow light from outside shines on his cheekbones - more pronounced than when he came here - as he stares them down. “Ora.”

They keep staring down. “Y-yes? Yeah, I can, I can do it-”

“You have to help me do this,” Ryan says, waiting until Ora slowly looks up at him again, until their eyes meet. 

Make them sleep. Make them sleep, and then, then you can move through their mind and-

He shuts out the voice - or not a voice, but a knowledge. A truth of himself he has never been allowed to face, but it’s a truth he needs if he is going to save Danny’s life today. Downstairs, his brother’s animal screams through a locked jaw continue, and he can hear Nate, too.

Begging for his brother’s life.

It’s only Abraham’s words that carry with effortless projection through the thin walls, up the stairs, and right to Ryan’s ears. It won’t take long, Nate. And then you can protect him forever - or tell me no again and he doesn’t have to survive what happens to you, does he?

Bram, f-f-for the love of G-God-

I am beyond gods, baby.

I’ll d-do it, please, just don’t k-k-kill him, pl-please, please, I’ll d-do it-

Put your back up against that tree, baby.

“Please, Ora.” Ryan groans, agony throbbing up his hip. A pain sharp enough to be felt all the way to his toes, and he rolls his hips in a pantomime of pleasure. The pain is so sharp that he can barely understand it. His mind steps away, trying to pull him into the space in his mind he has found to go when it’s Abraham’s knife carving him open. It takes all his willpower to stay here, here and now, and let the pain roll through him.

Ora nods, quickly, tucking hair back behind their ear, and then recoiling as they realize they’ve just streaked their green hair with Ryan’s red blood, their fingers are smeared with it. “Oh, god,” Ora whispers, and tears stand out in their eyes. “Oh my god, Ryan, I, I, what if-”

“It’ll work,” Ryan says, shaking his head a little. “It’ll work, Ora, I promise, just-... please, Danny’s running out of time-”

Ora leans back over, and Ryan wails again as the knife slips, soft as a kiss, back into his skin. The next eye is sliced apart first before the skin is pulled off, and Ryan chokes off sobs. He could never take pain like Danny could, but the year has done so much, and he keeps trying to cry and stopping himself, shaking his head, knocking it back into the floor, screaming but it doesn’t matter because Abraham thinks he’s screaming because of Danny, and instead…

The third eye is peeled back, dropped to the floor. 

He can feel it. It’s there, inside of him, pushing the darkness open a little further, and a little further.

As Ora cuts the final piece of the tattoo off of his body, the door inside Ryan doesn’t open - it is destroyed, and the thing he is but was never supposed to know he is comes loose. The thing he is tears apart all the barriers that have been built to keep him safe.

There is a roar inside his mind, gibbering laughter, and then that soft, soothing certainty.

Here are your teeth.

Ryan screams, back arched so much only his head and his feet touch the ground, as the world shifts on its axis, tilts and remakes itself, and the monster he was always made to be gives him back his birthright.

“Ryan?” Ora’s voice trembles, and he can hear in it what he has never heard before - he can hear their voice and know that they were born in a state thousands of miles from here, grew up unhappy, stayed unhappy. He can hear the choices they made that led them here. He knows what their girlfriend sounded like as she died. He can hear how they have told themself, again and again, that life is meaningless, but how they know somewhere deep down that it’s all a lie.

It’s a lie.

Life means something.

Life means death.

For the first time, Ryan Michaelson can direct it.

He drops back to the ground, groaning, eyes fluttering open and shut, before he reaches out to grip onto Ora’s arm again. He turns to look at them, and his eyes are glowing so brightly he can see the reflected light on Ora’s face, the flicker of yellow against their irises. There are things that move beneath the light in Ryan Michaelson’s eyes, and he no longer feels them pushed back under the surface of his skin. 

“I’m so fucking hungry,” He whispers, and his fingernails dig into Ora’s arm until they begin to bleed and whimper, but they don’t - can’t - pull away. Not until he lets them.

They will be lost in his eyes until he decides to let them go.

Downstairs, Danny’s screams have turned to hoarse sobbing, and now Ryan can hear like he has never heard before. Downstairs, Nate is saying, just l-l-let him live, I’ll d-d-do it, just don’t k-k-kill them, don’t k-kill them, pl-please, Bram, I’ll d-d-do it and Abraham is laughing and Abraham has won, but he hasn’t.

He hasn’t won yet.

Ashley, call it up. Let’s make him one of us.

“No,” Ryan whispers. “No. You can’t take him from Danny, too.”

“Ryan?” Ora’s voice is a whisper this time. He swallows around a strange lump in his throat, nervous, like a child riding a bike for the very first time. 

“Everything dies,” Ryan says, voice thick, foggy, distant. He can feel them now, teeth sharp as needles, and he runs his tongue over them, breathing hard. When he reaches his free hand up, the iron collar simply shatters under the strength of his grip when he squeezes it tightly, and the chain drops to the ground.

As soon as it’s gone, alongside the sense of a sweltering rainy season within him rises the vision of green hills, verdant and brilliant. Both of them call him home. He is so hungry. He is so hungry. He is so-

He pulls Ora on top of him, and they cry out as they slide over the blood that continues to run from his hip in a river. “You’ll die here,” He whispers, his hands on either side of their face, now, and they nod, tears bubbling and running down their cheeks.

They’re not afraid of him.

They are not afraid to die.

He can see how they stopped being afraid to die when they put a drug in Danny’s coffee and followed him in a car. He can see how they stopped being afraid to die and became someone simply waiting for death to find them.

He is hungry.

But Ora has been kind, sometimes, when no one else could be.

“I-I know. Please,” Ora whispers. “Please, please don’t let her be the one to kill me, Ryan, please. I don’t want to die hers. You, you can, whatever you are, you can kill me, right? You can-”

“You don’t have to die.” Ryan whispers, and they lean close, and Ora’s lips are warm, chapped, rough to kiss but so are his, and the heat flares up as he presses his lips to theirs. They whimper and then respond, and the green around him is sharp, the scent of ozone.

The clouds are building, rolling over themselves, dark and full-bellied, heavy with rain.

He is hungry, and he is thirsty, and he is two things that both want to feed to find the strength inside of him. He breaks free of the kiss. “I can save you.”

“She’ll never-”

“I can make you stronger than she is,” Ryan says, his mouth trailing from their mouth to the soft curve of their jaw, their neck, feeling them rock forward into him, their fingers curving around his shoulders and gripping tightly. “This doesn’t have to, to end here, Ora, but I need-”

Danny cries out.

Ryan groans, gripping Ora against him, and they are covered in his blood but he feels the heat growing inside of him anyway, and Ora is breathing harder. Ryan has never wanted someone who did not want him back. 

I’m just that gorgeous, he used to say, and flash a smile. He knows better, now. 

“Let me save you,” Ryan murmurs against the warmth of their neck, as their hands move to grip painfully tight into his dirty, tangled, overgrown black curls. “Let me make you stronger than she is. Let me, let me-... let me save Danny, Ora, please-”

“Yes,” They say, eyes up towards the ceiling, as his hands move down their back and settle low there, just above their hips, to rock them forward against him. “Yes, okay, yeah, save Danny, save Danny, save-”

“I’m saving you, too,” Ryan says, softly. “You’ll never have to kill anyone, I’ll show you how. I’ll show you. You’ll never have to-”

“Make me strong enough,” Ora gasps out, a sob edging their voice, tears that run down their cheeks and drip onto Ryan like holy water, burning him in all the best ways. “Make me strong enough to k-kill her so she can’t ever do this to anyone else. I don’t even care if I die, I don’t care, please, just so Penny can rest, so-”

“Yes, fuck, yes,” Ryan moans, closing his mouth around their throat, and the sharp needle-teeth sink in. It’s effortless, like he’s been doing it his whole life. The certainty in him surges upwards, and he buries his teeth deeper and deeper within them. He doesn’t want to hurt them, he doesn’t, but it doesn’t have to hurt, does it?

He’s never wanted someone who did not want him back.

Ora dissolves under his teeth, moaning not in pain but in a pleasure that runs deeper than any agony ever could, and their blood is hot and thick and iron-rich on Ryan’s tongue, but the iron doesn’t hurt him, because the green hills are not as strong, now, as the rains that fall on the grass and the trees somewhere far away.

He has been hungry for a year, without knowing what he was hungry for, but he knows now.

Blood. Fresh, bright, copper-salt-sweet, floods his mouth and he moans.

Blood and pleasure, the way it feels to have Ora’s hips moving against his, how they shift under his touch and he needs only to drop one hand to-

No. Not like this.

Not like this.

For now, the blood is enough.

Blood, rich and full of life, surging into him and they lay together in the scent of blood and sweat and tears, while someone else inside his brother’s body cries for help, and Ryan desperately tries to drink enough to provide it. He could kill them now, ruin Ora, leave their corpse torn to shreds to feed his growing hunger, but-

Ryan pulls free, and Ora whimpers. Ryan’s head is back against the floor as he forces the needle-teeth back from their throat with every hint of strength he has.

“Wh-what are you,” Ora says, pale as a ghost, shadowed and drawn, dying in his arms. “What, what are you?”

Ryan takes in a deep breath, his world sparkling around him. He lifts his own wrist up and tears at it with his teeth, ripping open thinned skin, his own blood running freely again before he pushes the wound to Ora’s mouth. 

“Ryan, what are you-”

“I’m special,” Ryan says, hoarsely. “Now drink.”

Ora latches on like a child to a bottle, tongue lapping at the wound in his wrist, their eyes shifting, fading, going dull and dark. Then they jerk back, hitching in a deep breath, and Ryan pants as he watches the dull hazel brighten until their eyes are glowing the color of a tree canopy in early fall, a heady mix of greens and browns that bounce light off their own skin when they look down.

There are things moving in the light behind Oracle Collins’s eyes.

“Now you’re… you’re special, too,” Ryan says, reaching up to touch their face. “You’re special, too.”

“I’m… I’m hungry,” Ora says, staring down at their hands, blinking, and then back up at him as they sit up pushing off of him, scrambling away and across the floor. They have smears of drying blood where Ryan’s hands have been, across their collarbone and arms and along the tank top at their back. “I’m so, I’m hungry-”

“I know.” Ryan swallows, pushing himself up on his elbows, and then forward, until he can crouch. Until he can stand, swaying, staring at the doorway. No door - puppies don’t need doors.

He’s not a puppy.

He’s not fucking Faerie Boy.

Danny isn’t Red all the time, and Ora isn’t too far gone to be worth saving.

Abraham spent a year teaching Ryan how to suffer.

It’s time to return the favor.

“Come on. You can hunt her, now.” He takes one stumbling step to the door, and then two. Through the doorway, leaving blood on the frame as he goes. It runs down his hips, his thigh, trickles over his ankle bone, drips onto the floor as he moves, each step half-stumbled, each step full of purpose.

His brother is crying downstairs. His brother is crying for help.

Danny needs him.

Ora is just behind him, and the two of them look nothing like the humans they have been and pretended to be. His feet thump on the stairs, one by one, and he feels the laughter inside of him, dark and deep. He thinks of the red supplement powder he’s taken in smoothies and shakes and stirred into soup every fucking week of his life. He thinks of his mother’s sharp edges, her high cheekbones, the look in her of a faraway place she has told him belongs to him, even if he never goes there.

She is right.

This belongs to him.

He is meant for this.

He is made of this.

“I’m still hungry,” Ora says, a little plaintively. “Will I ever stop being hungry?”

“Yes,” Ryan says, low and deep, as they reach the entryway. Outside, Danny is lying in the dirt, and there is more blood on him than unmarked skin. Outside, Abraham leans over Danny, knife just touching one of the few spaces left he has not ruined yet. Outside, Ashley leans against a tree, watching with avid interest.

Outside, Nate is tied to a tree, shouting, with a circle drawn around him and marked with evenly spaced white rocks. 

Inside the circle, something darker and older than Ryan is trying to make itself known.

“No,” He says, hoarsely. “No.”

Abraham pauses, and looks up. Ashley looks up, too, and hisses through her teeth. “Ora?”

“I’m… I’m so hungry, Ashley.” Ora looks down at their bloodstained hands, and back up again. “I’m hungry. You killed Penny and you made me help you kill people and I’m so… hungry, now, so...”

Ryan watches as Ora moves around him like they are in a dream, stepping down the ancient front porch, the wood steps creaking under their slight weight as they move. Whatever Ashley sees in Ora’s eyes, she recognizes well enough, in that moment, to run.

Ora starts running, too.

“Faerie Boy?” Abraham is still frozen, for just a moment, and the things that live in his eyes have been there so much longer than Ryan, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, because Danny is going to die if this doesn’t work, and Nate is going to die if this doesn’t work, and Ryan finds, to his mild surprise, that he doesn’t want Nathaniel Vandrum to die at all. 

“My name isn’t Faerie Boy,” Ryan says. One step, two, and then another. Down the porch steps, naked and bloodied, with the final check on what he can do cut free of him. The red around his neck is ugly, he knows it must be, because Nate’s eyes go there and then away as he pales at the sight. “How-”

“Too late,” Abraham says with a sudden rictus of rage, and he reaches out - grabbing Ryan by the arm, his hand slipping in the blood that covers him, jerking him closer. “Come here, Faerie Boy. Take your punishment.”

Danny pushes between them - Ryan will never know how he moves so fast, when he looks back on this later. The furious need to defend Ryan lights Danny up, brings back all his height and strength from wherever he has hidden hem in his fear, and for a moment - just that one single moment - Danny is once again the sun that Ryan’s world revolves around. “No! You don’t get to hurt him anymore! Go to hell! You don’t get to do this to Ryan anymore!”

Abraham turns, to look at Danny, but Danny isn’t looking at him. His eyes are on Ryan, and his big brother is there through all the pain and will always step up to protect him-

“Bad dog. Time to put you down.” Abraham jams the knife in his other hand directly into Danny’s back, then jerks it to the side with inhuman strength, the handle breaking off with the blade still buried in Danny’s skin to the right side of his spine.

Danny’s scream echoes nearly to the sky as he collapses first to his knees and then into the dirt at Ryan’s feet, face down. 

Nate’s answering scream at the sight is somehow even louder. “D-Danny, no, no, pl-pl-please-”

“If I can’t have my puppy,” Bram snarls at Nate, stalking away from Ryan and back to the black-haired man, “neither can either of you.”

The darkness in the circle begins to rise, called by the pain, and fear, and blood - rising up to respond to the sacrifice - and Abraham gives Ryan a sneer before he moves into the circle, pulling Nate’s eyes to him.

Blood is pouring from his brother, and Ryan stares down at it dumbly, hardly understanding what has just happened. “Danny,” Ryan whispers.

His brother lies still in the dirt, blue eyes half-open, jerking in hitching, trembling breaths. Ryan feels, in the way that he can now, that his brother isn’t the person whose eyes move slowly to see him and then fade away. Someone else has been made for this moment, and someone else will help Danny die.

No-

Bram stares Nate in the eyes, and under the weight of grief and power, Nate begins to crumble. “B-Bram-... y-you can’t, you f-fucking-... you can’t do this-”

“I love you,” Abraham says, softly. He places a hand over Nate’s chest, pressing his cold palm to Nate’s bare skin. “Now we’ll be together forever.”

Ryan looks up and his lips move in a silent, no. He steps outside of the fabric of the world and then steps inside Nate Vandrum’s skin.

Let me in. 

Nate’s mind is a soundless scream being drowned by the power of Abraham’s eyes, and of whatever is trying to rise within the circle, whispering madness threatening to break its way in. But for all that Abraham spent a year teaching Ryan how to suffer - and five years with Danny - he spent even longer with Nate.

Nate knows how to hold him off, but he is breaking under Danny’s loss, the life he had held onto, the man he had saved once almost too late and now couldn’t save at all.

We can save him. Listen to me, Danny isn’t dead, yet.

Ryan can hear heartbeats around him like the crack of thunder after lightning, and his brother is still alive. Danny’s lungs still work, shuddering shallow breaths around the agony. Danny’s nerves fire pain at him from every possible angle, and Danny is buried deep inside him while someone else takes the final pain.

But it doesn’t have to be the final pain.

Danny doesn’t have to die here.

Someone else doesn’t have to be the last one drawing air into Danny’s lungs.

Ryan tries to be heard around Nate’s wailing grief. Let me in and I can save you, and you can save us, let me in.

The scream dies, and there is a terrible silence in Nate’s head, the silence of thinking he has been utterly, totally lost. That all his efforts to save the love of his life have failed. That there are no other options left but to give in and be what Abraham would make him. The darkness inside the circle will claim him and he will spread his own pain through the world, like Abraham and not like him. 

Danny whimpers, and Nate’s eyes, fading under Abraham’s influence, snap back to a bright and brilliant green as he turns to look at the redhead bleeding to death just inside the circle. “Danny,” Nate whispers.

Abraham grabs him by the chin and forces his eyes back and away. Ryan, moving blindly with power he has never been shown how to use, pushes himself along the inside of Nate’s body, feeling the constriction of the underside of his skin.

Let me in and let me save you. 

Help me save my brother.

Give yourself to me.

Give in.

Give-

Nate jerks in a gasping breath, tensing up all at once, and then relaxing as Ryan flexes fingers that aren’t his, swallows in a throat that doesn’t belong to him, and pulls lips back from Nate Vandrum’s teeth.

“My name is Ryan Michaelson,” He says with Nate Vandrum’s voice, “and I do not belong to you.”

He tears Nate’s hands free from the ropes that bind him and throws Nate’s body at Abraham Denner, burying the call of the demon in the circle with his own thirst for blood. Flat blunt white teeth tear at Abraham’s shoulder until skin breaks and black blood bursts free.

The thing trying to rise inside the circle is pushed back.

Danny’s heart is still beating.

For now.

---

@slytherynjolras, @whump-it, @bleeding-demon-teeth, @finder-of-rings, @burtlederp, @whumpywhumper, @18-toe-beans, @pumpkinthefangirl, @special-spicy-chicken, @swordkallya, @astrobly, @slaintetowhump, @moose-teeth, @untilthepainstarts, @whumpiary,  @lave-whump @raigash @cupcakes-and-pain

[wellimaginethat]

Total Badass

Pairing: Kelly Severide x (female) Reader

Word Count: 2274

Author’s Note: I love Kelly soooo much, he’s one of my top favorites (even though I love everyone so much, lol) and I love getting requests for him! I loved this writing out this request so much too, especially the last part, the first part was a little difficult but overall I’m happy with how it turned out.

Trigger Warning(s): Hostage situation, fire, near death experience

Disclaimer: I don’t owe nor am I affiliated with any of the Chicago shows, I just like to play with the characters

Summary: Y/N Y/LN is a badass detective in the Intelligence unit, she’s been dating Kelly Severide for a few months. Well when they go to apprehend the suspect, a fire breaks out, and Y/N is taken hostage in the midst of the commotion. 51 is called in and Kelly is incredibly worried about his girl, but soon finds out that she can most definitely handle herself.

Y/N = Your Name

When you started dating Kelly, you both knew it wouldn’t be easy. Between your demanding jobs and the fact that you both were in very dangerous lines of work, you knew that sometimes you’d go days if not weeks without seeing each other.

That’s why it started out casual, even if it didn’t stay that way for long.

You guys made it official about a month in when you were out together and a guy hit on you, causing Kelly to tell him to back off of his girl.

After that you were his girl, plain and simple.

You eventually moved in together after you had been going steady for six months, and a year after that, he proposed and you of course said yes. That was three weeks ago.

Kelly was always protective over you, even though he knew you could take care of yourself, and he just got even more protective over you after you got engaged, which you didn’t think could happen. You were wrong.

You were getting ready to apprehend someone, after the door was busted open, you were the first one inside. You don’t know how it happened, but your gun was knocked out of your hand and you were thrown down to the ground while someone was shooting at your teammates.

You were groggy from hitting your head and trying to figure out your next move when the man you were going to apprehend threw a molotov cocktail towards the entryway of the house, causing fire to spread along it.

You were on your feet then and getting ready to go for the guy when he turned on you, aiming his gun at you and stopping you in your tracks.

You slowly raised your hands up. “You don’t have to do this.”

“What’s it matter? I’m going to jail anyways, so what if I kill one more bitch?” The man asked, still aiming his gun at you.

You were forming a plan in your head about how to get out of this situation, the fire could be used to your advantage if you played your cards right, you just had to figure out how to go about it. “You don’t wanna kill me.”

“And why not?” He asked you.

“Cause I’m a cop. I’m a cop and my team is out there. You kill me, you aren’t going to make it out of here alive.” You told him calmly. “I’m your ticket, man. I’m your bargaining chip.”

This seemed to pique his interest because he didn’t shoot you, but he also didn’t say anything.

You could hear sirens in the distance, getting louder and louder, closer and closer. They called in fire. Of course.

You wanted so badly to roll your eyes, the fire wasn’t that bad and you were now worried that it would be 51 and that Kelly would show up, which could prove to be a problem for you. If he showed up and didn’t let you do your thing, it could put both of your lives in danger. You knew he was a smart man, but sometimes he let his emotions get the best of him and didn’t think things through completely.

Your eyes darted out the door towards the street when the fire truck rolled up. You could make out that it was in fact 51, which meant that Kelly would in fact be with them. You just prayed he didn’t do something stupid.

The man moved a step closer to the door. “Don’t think about running, I still got a gun on you.” He reminded you, like you needed reminding.

“I’m not planning on running, I was just thinking about how they’re going to start putting out that fire.” You told him calmly.

He frowned. “Let them, it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh but it does.” You told him, still keeping your cool. “Because once they get that fire out, my team is gonna come in here and take you down. Your time to make a deal is limited.”

This caused him to frown even deeper.

You knew this was a dangerous game you were playing, luckily you were the only hostage so if he got angry under pressure instead of breaking you weren’t risking anyone else but yourself.

You also knew that Voight was gonna have your ass for this if it went south.

The man stalked over to you quickly, grabbing you by the hair and shoving the gun to your temple, forcing you uncomfortably close to the flames. “Hey, you see this? I got one of yours in here!” He shouted out the door. “If you even try to come in here I’ll kill her! I swear to god I’ll kill her!”

You could feel the barrel of the gun against your temple, you could also feel the heat of the fire on your skin. You could smell the smoke and it caused you to cough and gag, you could also smell the man’s BO from behind you which wasn’t helping you at all.

He roughly pulled you back, but before he did you could see Kelly running over to Voight. You could only imagine what was going through his head.

~~~~~

“How the hell did he manage to take her hostage?” Kelly demanded, angry. “Why didn’t you have her back?”

“She was the first one in, he took us by surprise.” Voight told him.

“What do you mean he took you by surprise? Shouldn’t you have been expecting him to do something like that?” Kelly asked him, getting in Voight’s face.

“Step back, lieutenant.” Voight told him, squaring up.

Kelly didn’t back down until Casey and Cruz pulled him back.

“That’s not helping the situation.” Casey told him before looking towards the house. “If we don’t get that fire put out the structure could collapse.”

“We can’t risk doing anything that could jeopardize Y/N.” Kelly told him.

Casey nodded. “I know.”

Everyone on the outside felt like they were at a catch 22, however you felt like you had everything under control on the inside.

~~~~~

“You gotta listen to me.” You told him. “I can help you.” You spoke through gritted teeth, the pain from getting hit in the head and then him yanking your hair was searing and starting to cause a throbbing feeling.

“I don’t gotta do shit.” He replied, although you could see his resolve breaking down, you knew that look. You also knew this could go one of two ways, either he breaks and let’s you take him in, or he breaks and kills you before either killing himself or committing suicide by cop.

You weren’t too keen on waiting for either of those things to happen, and you knew that if he would just loosen his grip on your hair, you could get the upper hand and get the gun away from him.

You could see Kelly and Casey making their way towards the house and you began wondering what they were doing, praying that they weren’t planning anything stupid.

The man seemed to notice as well and it happened to be just the distraction you were looking for because when he turned to them he released his hold on you. “Don’t come any closer or I’ll shoot her!” He yelled at them.

You took this opportunity to grab the gun and push it upwards, away from your head. You grabbed onto his arm and used it as leverage while bringing your knee up to meet his ribs, causing him to go down. You pulled the gun from his grasp and set it on the ground, sliding it away from him and away from the fire.

“He’s down!” You called, pulling out the handcuffs you carried and handcuffing his hands behind his back as Atwater and Halstead came in through the backdoor. They pulled him up to his feet and began shoving him out toward the door. You followed behind them.

By the time you got to the front of the house, which didn’t even take a minute, they had the fire almost completely out.

Kelly walked over to you as soon as you rounded the corner and pulled you into a tight hug, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of your perfume, reminding himself that you were okay.

You hugged him back. “I’m fine.” You said, knowing what he was thinking.

He pulled back slightly to look in your eyes and you could see the emotion there.

“I’m fine.” You repeated, softer this time.

He nodded to you and pushed the emotions down. “I saw you take him down.” He informed you. “That was pretty badass, babe.” He smiled at you.

You smirked and shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a badass.”

“A total badass.” Kelly mused, his arm still around your shoulders, pulling you close to him and leading you over to the ambulance to get checked over. You met Voight’s eyes and knew that you were definitely going to get your ass handed to you later on, but right now you didn’t care.

The hospital visit actually went by fairly quickly and then Kelly was taking you home. The ride home was completely silent, and Kelly wouldn’t let go of your hand for anything. You knew what he was thinking.

The minute you stepped inside the apartment, you shrugged off your jacket and hung it up. Kelly headed over to the living room and took a seat on the couch.

You went to the bedroom to change and came out after you changed into your pajamas. You sat next to him and just watched him for a moment. He wasn’t saying anything, he hadn’t turned on the TV, he just sat there staring at a spot on the coffee table.

“Kel.” You prompted quietly, softly, as you reached over to touch his arm.

He finally tore his eyes away from the coffee table and looked at you, they were full of emotion despite his efforts to push his feelings down and bury them. “I almost lost you today.” His voice was barely above a whisper and the shake in it made your heart clench.

“No you didn’t.” You said softly. “I know it didn’t seem like it from the outside, but I actually had it under control.”

“Oh you did, did you?” Kelly asked, scoffing some and shaking his head, starting to stand up.

“Kelly.” You sighed and reached for him but fell just short of being able to.

“No, Y/N.” Kelly stopped you, turning to look at you. “Do you have any idea how worried I was when I saw you in that house, that burning house, with a gun to your head?”

You were tempted to come back with a reply about how you worry about him everyday, but you didn’t, you didn’t want to make this worse.

“I have never been that scared in my life, Y/N.” Kelly told you, completely breaking now.

You had never seen him cry before, which was saying something because you had known him for three years and been together for two of those three years.

You were quick to stand up and walk over to him. “Kelly.” you said softly, reaching out for him, relieved when he didn’t pull away. You cupped his cheeks, gently wiping away the tears.

“I was so scared.” Kelly whispered, looking down. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

You swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, Kel, but you know my job’s dangerous just like I know yours is.”

He shook his head some. “You never should have been in that situation. You shouldn’t have gone in first, or at least not without looking to make sure he wasn’t right there.”

“You weren’t there when it happened, you don’t know.” You said quietly then shook your head. “Kelly I don’t wanna fight over this.”

He nodded. “I don’t want to fight either, and I’m not trying to start a fight, I’m just asking you to be more careful. I know you can handle yourself and I know your job is dangerous, but please be more careful. I can’t lose you.”

The sight of him breaking down like this nearly killed you. You nodded to him. “I’ll be more careful, I promise.” You whispered. “Please stop crying, I hate seeing you like this.” You told him sadly.

Kelly swallowed hard and nodded. “I’m just so scared of losing you.” He told you again, pulling you into his arms now and holding onto you like you were going to disappear on him.

You stood like that for a long time, wrapped up in his arms as he calmed down.

Eventually you pulled back and tugged him back over to the couch, pushing him down to sit and sitting next to him, cuddling into his side.

He didn’t complain and just pulled you close once again, kissing the side of your head. “I love you.” He murmured into your head, eyes falling shut. “So much.”

“I love you too.” You whispered back, holding onto him just like he was holding on to you.

“I am proud of you.” Kelly informed you after a moment, looking down at you.

You looked up at him from where you were curled up next to him and smiled at him.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m not, I’m just scared.” Kelly explained softly, his hand rubbing your upper arm gently.

“I know.” You said softly, leaning up to kiss him cheek. “I’m gonna start being more careful, I promise.”

“Thank you.” Kelly whispered and you could see the relief in his eyes as you smiled softly and nodded.

[j0elmill3r]

Me And You Together Song

Chris Evans x Daughter!reader

Jaeden Martell x Reader

Chris Evans Masterlist

Part Two of The Tonight Show [Read Here!]

Warnings; Swearing, mentions of past abuse, mentions of manipulative exes, ft. sebby stan

word count; 2.1k

A/N; Kinda didn't follow what the request was looking for because I didn't know how to write it, but I hope this is okay. I made sebby appear because I can and it's not a day in New York without the man himself

--

Chris sighed as your phone went to voicemail for the fifth time. You were meant to be up an hour ago so you could go and get something to eat, but you were still sleeping, as per usual. Chris was trying his hardest not to go into yours and Jaeden's room, he wasn't hoping to see you in bed with someone that was your boyfriend, not yet. To him, you were the same little girl who came running in from the backyard after falling from the swings and cutting your knee, and you needed him to kiss it better. But eventually, he had to go and get you, first of all, he was worried, and second, he was hungry as fuck. Chris was glad Jaeden had given him a spare key last night, but he knocked first.

"Y/N, Jaeden. Are you alive?" There was no response except snoring, who Chris couldn't identify if it were yours or your boyfriends. Chris sighed and opened the door, relief flooding his body when he saw that both you and Jaeden were fully clothed and cuddled up to each other, his arms around you tightly. "I don't know whether to gush or throw up," He said to himself. Chris tried making as much noise as possible, but neither of the 17-year-olds in the bed woke up. Moving over to the lightswitch, Chris flicked the switch on and off until he heard you groan. You twisted out of Jaeden's arms and your arm flopped out of the bed.

"Jae, quit it," you groaned, your eyes still clenched shut because it felt like you were in a colourless rave.

"That's not me," He told you. Your eyes opened and from the shape of the body standing over at the light switch, you could make it out to be your dad standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hi, Dad," You greeted him. Chris walked over to the nightstand and pressed the home button on your phone and saw his contact name on your screen.

Dad

5 Missed Calls

"5 times. You really have a habit of forgetting things, Y/N. Do I wanna know what time you both fell asleep or did you just fall asleep?" He asked. You sat up and sat still for a second before looking up at your dad, your eyes still squinted.

"What time is it?"

"9 am," He told you. Jaeden laughed dryly and turned to you, a tired look on his face.

"I told you we would regret staying up until 6," He told you. You rolled your eyes and playfully pushed his shoulder. "Ow," He groaned.

"Shut up," You turned to your dad. "Look, I'm sorry. We didn't plan on staying up so late and we kinda forgot that time was a concept" You pulled the puppy dog eyes that you had learned from your dad, he could never stay mad at you for long if you used them.

"It's okay. I have some stuff to do today, so you two are on your own. If I come back and either of you is in anyway undressed, you," He pointed at you. "Are grounded for life," You nodded. "And please don't get lost, I don't wanna drag Sebastian around New York looking for both of you," He said.

"You're gonna go see Seb?" he nodded from where he was standing at the door. "Tell him I said hi," Your dad said goodbye and then left both of you.

"Okay, we need to go and get food. I don't know about you, but I'm starving," You nodded at Jaedens suggestion. "There's a place I saw a few blocks from here,"

"And you just happened to be on the lookout for places?" You asked him. Jaeden turned to look at you and gave you a serious look.

"Of course I was, I couldn't be wandering around New York not knowing places to go and get breakfast. Jesus Christ, Y/N, who do you take me for?" You laughed at him as you fell back onto the bed and onto his chest.

"I don't know, I certainly didn't take you as someone who was so into food places in New York. I was literally just gonna go to iHop," You told him. "And anyway, I thought you hated going out in New York because you get scared you'll lose me in the literal sea of people," You reminded him.

"Yeah, but you've grown around 3 inches and I can see you now that you dyed your hair lighter," He ran his fingers through your hair that you convinced your dad to let you make more blonde than it was, it was similar to your dads', but a little darker. "But, if you wanna go to iHop, that's fine, I don't mind," He smiled down at you.

"You should go shower," You suggested to him. He looked down at you with a furrowed brow.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" You sat up and smiled at him innocently, shaking your head.

"No, but you should just go and shower," You said, putting your hand on his chest. He huffed and got out of bed, turning back to face you. But as if you could predict what he was going to say, you throw a pillow at him full force, causing him to grunt as it hit his face. "Shower!" He threw the pillow back at you and went into the bathroom. In the space of an hour, you were both ready. Your laptop was open and playing your playlist from Spotify, Bloody Valentine by Machine Gun Kelly playing from the speakers.

"This song is stupid," You turned to face Jaeden, shock was written on your face. "I mean, what is it even about?" He asked you.

"It doesn't matter. Megan Fox is in the music video, that's all that matters," You told him. Jaeden closed your laptop and put it in your bag. Then crossing his arms and tilting his head, his hair falling to one side.

"Okay then, would you rather me or Megan Fox?" He asked you. Your jaw dropped to the floor at his question, picking between those two things was like asking if you had to choose between a brain or a heart, both things are important. "Did you seriously just ask me that?" Jaeden nodded and smirked. "You, obviously. But it's Megan fucking Fox, you're telling me you don't find her attractive?" You asked him.

"I think everyone finds her attractive," He murmured.

"Thank you! Don't get your underwear in a twist over Megan Fox, Jae. You have my heart," You told him as you kissed him on the nose. Jaeden pouted, making you furrow your eyebrows. "What?" "You missed," He told you. "I did? Well, I apologize, but that's what you get when you shit on Machine Gun Kelly,"

--

"Do we have to?" Jaeden whined. You nodded and took his hand, dragging him into Macy's.

"Yes, because if I go home without something for Miles and Stella, they'll never talk to me again and that'll be really awkward when I have to babysit," You told him. "And I thought the toy aisle was your favourite?" You asked him mockingly. Jaeden shook his head and flipped you off. "Jaeden Martell! How dare you make such obscene gestures in the children's toy aisle!"

"My sincerest apologies, Lady Y/N," He said. You laughed and picked something out for your younger cousins. "Alright, can we like sit down or something, my feet hurt," He complained.

"Okay, we can go for lunch now if you want, that way you can stop bitching," You told him.

"For the daughter of Captain America, you really do have a mouth on you," He said. "I would quote the line but you're probably sick of hearing it between fans and your dad," You nodded.

"Okay, since I chose breakfast, you can choose lunch. I don't mind where, I'll pay," You told him.

"You sure?" You nodded. "Alright, I know a place. Jack told me about it and said it was pretty good, I know where it is though," He said.

"The last time you said that we ended up in downtown L.A and nearly dying," You reminded him. "We were just lucky because Scott happened to be driving around,"

"That was one time,"

"And I'm sure it won't be the last," You left Macy's and walked to the place Jaeden was talking about, and walking in you knew he had asked Jack for recommendations. "This is nice," You said as you were seated. You took your jacket off and shivered as your bare arms were exposed to the air.

"How are you cold?" Jaeden asked you incredulously. You shrugged and smiled as he pulled his hoodie off, handing it over to you.

"You're amazing," You said fondly. Jaeden chuckled.

"I try my best,"

--

"Y/N looks a lot happier," Sebastian said. Chris took a drink of his beer and nodded. "I know the last year wasn't exactly easy, but she's doing better," Chris nodded.

"Yeah, she deserves it, really, she does. Jaeden helped her a lot too, I can't take all of the credit," Chris told Sebastian.

"Yeah. That Lucas dude fucked her around, I'm surprised you didn't kill the little dick," Chris laughed and nodded.

"No, that night I saw the look in Y/N's eyes and knew she needed me. And trust me, I would have," Chris hated thinking about Lucas and what he had done to you. He was manipulative and if you ever said you were thinking of leaving him, he would say he would hurt himself and it would be all your fault. He had hit you on a few occasions too, but you would always tell yourself he never meant it, and that the bruises your dad saw were just because you were clumsy. "But, I know that Jaeden would never hurt Y/N, not on purpose. I trust him with her, and I trust Y/N to know the signs now,"

"I don't know much about this whole 'parenting' gig, Chris, but I know that you're doing well with Y/N, ever since I've known you, you always put her first. I mean, you basically told the Russos that if they kept you on set for an hour longer, you wouldn't be there the next morning because you were gonna be late for her soccer game," Chris laughed at the memory Sebastian had brought up.

"Yeah, she won that game. She scored the winning goal," He smiled. "They're probably still awake," Chris looked at the time on his phone, 01:34.

"You should probably go, don't you have a flight at 12?" Sebastian asked. Chris nodded.

"Yeah, it's not me that has the problem waking up, it's the two insomniac teenagers who stayed up until 6 am yesterday,"

--

You were snoring away softly while Jaeden was watching something on his phone, using your head as a stand. Your head was laid on his chest and your body was pressed up as close as possible against his. Jaeden's other arm was around you, his arm going all the way around you and coming to your waist. The door clicked open, but it was only your dad.

"Shit, sorry. I thought you'd both be awake," Chris said. Jaeden put his phone down on the nightstand. "Since when did Y/N fall asleep before 3 am?"

"She was saying she was tired today, we were watching Netflix and next thing I knew she was asleep and now I can't move her," Jaeden said. Chris sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Do you want me to move her?" Chris asked. Jaeden shook his head and looked down at you.

"It's fine, she'll probably move anyway," He said.

"Alright, I'll go," Chris stood up and walked to the door, but turned back last minute. "Thank you, Jaeden," "Oh uh- what for?" Jaeden furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Looking after her. I know she can be closed off sometimes, but she really loves you Jaeden. Next thing I know you'll be running to me asking to marry her," Chris said. Jaeden laughed quietly, and the vibrating of his chest made you groan in annoyance.

"Give it a few years," Jaeden moved down and tried not to disturb you again in fear he might get a pillow to the face. "Good night, Chris,"

"You guys talk too loud," You said tiredly. "My dad really likes you," You told him. "Thanks?" You got delirious when you were tired. "You should go back to sleep, it's late," He told you.

"You go to sleep too then," You said. "And plus, 'm not even tired," You said, a yawn interrupting you. Jaeden nodded, playing along with you.

"Right, just put your head back down and cuddle with me again, I'm cold," He said. You put your head back on his chest and fell asleep in about 3 seconds. "Not tired my ass,"

--

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[shawtygonemad]

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.

A/N: This story is dedicated to my uncle and cousins who are hard of hearing. Even with my botched ASL you all still love me. 

Daryl Dixon x Connie

One-Shot

- Please note that anything signed will be in bold and anything written will be in italics.

Connie woke that morning bright and chipper. The sun wasn’t even up yet and she was already getting her day started. Her sister on the other hand was not much of a morning person. Connie was kind enough to let her sleep until the sun rose. She always enjoyed finding different little ways to wake her little sister up. Some days it’s tickling her nose with a leaf while other days she practically flops down on her. 

Today Kelly happened to be in a deep sleep in which nothing barely woke her. Connie breathed out a sigh of annoyance at that. All of her tricks didn’t work. Instead she took it upon herself to draw on her sister’s bare arm. She smirked as she slowly got to work. The older woman was no artist, but she still had fun. She wrote ‘World’s Best Sister’, but crossed out best and wrote ‘Okayest’ above it. Then she drew some other pictures and wrapped it up by putting Kelly and her crushes initials together in a heart. 

Once she became bored she decided to go downstairs for some breakfast. Today would be an uneventful day since neither of them had been assigned to do anything. Connie was never a fan of days off. She always needed to be doing something and loved to help out. They should always be doing something to earn their keep. The people of Alexandria were kind enough to let them have their own house. A house that just so happened to be next door to the tall and ruggedly handsome Daryl Dixon. The newly unofficial leader of Alexandria since Michonne left. He lived there with his niece, nephew, Lydia, and dog. Their family dynamic was so cute to watch. For a man who never really had a family until the end of the world he was trying his best and doing a damn good job of it. 

Even though Connie may not be able to hear she could still feel vibrations from noise. That’s how she knew her sister finally woke up and discovered her new tattoo sleeve. She could feel the stomping through the ceiling. When she could feel the rushed, heavy, footsteps coming down the stairs. She grinned and chuckled to herself as she bolted it for the front door. If she didn’t run now then her sister would for sure catch her which would end up in a wrestling match on the floor. 

The warm morning air and sunshine hit her face as she booked it down the front stairs. She looked around for a hiding spot when she noticed Daryl standing on his porch smoking a cigarette. He watched her with curious eyes. Knowing she had less than a minute before her sister caught up to her Connie bolted it for Daryl. He was caught by surprise when she hid behind him. They were back to back with their bodies aleigned from their ankles all the way to where her curly locks reached the middle of his shoulder blades. 

As if timed perfectly, Kelly busted out the front door and looked around for her sister. Thankfully Daryl decided to roll with the odd situation and acted casul. Kelly noticed him and decided to approach since he was close friends with Connie. Or rather, more than close friends she always teased her older sister. 

“Have you seen Connie,” Kelly asked. 

Daryl stood still as to not expose his friend for whatever reason she was hiding. 

He cleared his throat before speaking, “Not this mornin’. Why?”

“‘Cause she’s sneaky and devious and knows that I’m a deep sleeper,” the teen huffed before retreating from the porch. 

Once the coast was clear Daryl nudged his ankle against hers to signal it was safe. When she rounded to his front she had a huge devious smirk on her face. The hunter shook his head in amusement. This woman was always up to something. It’s what he admired about her the most. Even in the darkest of days she was still able to smile and see the bright side. 

“What you do,” he shakily signed. 

Connie smiled as she reached for the notepad and pen in her back pocket. Her heart always felt a warm squeeze every time he signed to her. She almost cried when she discovered he had an ASL study book. He was trying. Not only that, but he was trying for her. Not a lot of people did that or even wanted to waste that kind of time. They usually spoke louder, elongated their words, or just wrote down in her notepad. Most times Kelly had to translate. Unfortunately this wasn’t anything new. People weren’t considerate in the old world and they sure as hell weren’t in this new world. 

“You’re getting better,” she wrote before giving him some tips on how to properly say ‘what did you do’. Without those extra words he just sounded hilariously like a caveman. “I was bored, so I drew on her while she was asleep.”

“Why,” he signed that one with ease. 

“Why not,” Connie grinned. 

She knew Daryl understood her because he seemed to be chuckling while shaking his head.

 “Do you have any plans for today,” she wrote on the paper. 

She noticed him shake his head and his mouth move to a ‘na’ sound which usually meant no for him. It was his heavy southern accent she had to get used to. He even signed with a southern accent much to his bewilderment. 

This man was so incredible. He was kind, enjoyed learning and never got offended when corrected, and sometimes it was hard to read his lips. Not because of his accent, but because she started to wonder how they feel on her own. Even though his lips seemed slightly chapped compared to hers she just knew the kiss would feel amazing. 

“Might go hunting or something,” he wrote. 

“I’ll go with,” she excitedly replied. 

“‘S not a good idea,” he spoke as he turned his head to make sure he still had an eye on Dog. 

Connie frowned before gripping his chin and bringing it back to face her. She gestured with her fingers that he should look at her when he speaks so she can read his lips. He took a deep breath before speaking again. 

“I hunt better alone.”

“Being alone is dangerous,” she signed. 

Daryl’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand what she said. The only thing he caught was dangerous. She must have been telling him the dangers of going out alone. He pointed his thumb in the direction of his pet across the street. 

“I got Dog.”

Connie stared at him blankly before writing in her pad again. She held it up for him to see, her face still neutral. 

“Because he’s so ferocious.” 

He could practically hear the sarcasm in her handwriting. He turned back around the check on his animal. Dog was currently sitting across the street on a patch of grass with his niece Judith. She was currently painting his nails with a sparkly blue polish that Connie found for her. Dog sat there patiently while allowing her to do so. He tail was wagging ever so slightly so you knew he was enjoying it. Daryl rolled his eyes before turning back to his neighbor.

“Fine. We leave in an hour,” he told her before stepping off the porch to retrieve his dog.  

Soon the pair were off trekking through the woods with a begrudging Dog. He must have really wanted to stay at his spa day with Judith. The thought made Connie chuckle. Daryl glanced over at her, but didn’t say a word. Her chuckle was sweet but he thought nothing could compare to her laugh. It was so bright and boisterous. It was able to bring light to even the darkest days. 

Daryl noticed Dog froze in his steps. This caused Daryl to stop and hold his arm out for Connie to follow suit as well. He placed a finger on his lips - a universal sign to be quiet. She rose an eyebrow at him. As if she didn’t know to be quiet already. Does this man really think she’s never been hunting before? What does he think kept her and Kelly alive this entire time. 

She swiftly took out her slingshot before bending down to grab a sharp and rigid rock. It was placed in the holder and fired off before Daryl could even lift his crossbow. With the speed, force, and rigidness from the rock it was easily able to go straight through the woodchuck’s head. Daryl looked at her impressed. She gave him a knowing smirk before signaling Dog to go retrieve it. When he returned she tossed Daryl the animal to put on the kill string. She placed her hands on her hips as she stared Daryl down. She then tried to speak. 

“Anything you can do, I can do better,” she sassed. 

Even though it was a little hard to understand, Daryl could hear her clear as day. He quickly snatched the notepad from Connie’s back pocket, much to her surprise. Once he was finished scratching down his sentence he lifted the pad up for her to see. 

“Is that a challenge?” It said. 

She grinned in excitement at the idea of this game. She was always competitive, and she had a feeling Daryl was too. The notebook was grabbed back and she began to write on it while snickering. Soon she lifted it up to show the redneck. There were two columns. One said Connie and the other said Daryl. Connie had 1 tally mark in her column while Daryl had a frowny face. Daryl laughed. 

“We’ll see who’s frowning afterwards.”

“Bet?” she signed. 

“What’s the wager,” Daryl asked, slightly afraid of her punishment. 

She wrote down on the pad again before lifting it up. 

“Winner’s choice?”

That made Daryl feel a little more at ease. It also meant that he'd have to work his ass off to beat her. He really wanted to win and had a great prize in mind. Connie may be good, but he’s been hunting for 35+ years. He nodded in agreement with her. They even shook hands to make it official. 

This game took place for hours. Both of them enjoying the hunt, a few laughs, but especially each other’s company. They were so entranced with hunting that they completely forgot to even keep score. Hunting with the two could have continued all day, but it was already late afternoon. Dog was the one to call it a day. He was laying down panting hard, too tired to go and retrieve the final catch. The humans decided to agree with him. Besides, they had plenty of meat to feed their entire community. All three of them walked back in comfortable silence. It wasn’t until they were inside the gates of Alexandria and before their houses that they remembered the game. 

Connie practically flung the notepad open just for her to frown. They stopped placing tally’s after 3 catches each. Technically they both won by the Talley's.

“A tie,” she signed. 

Her heartbeat sped up. During the entire hunt she was thinking of what his punishment should be. The only thing that kept circling back was for him to kiss her. She finally told herself that she would do it, and psyched herself up the entire time in the woods. Now it was a tie, and her stomach tightened in disappointment. She lost her chance. 

“What does that mean,” he asked, seeming slightly disappointed as well. 

“We both win?” she wrote.

“What did you want,” he sketched beside her reply. 

Her heart sped up again. Maybe she could still get her chance. It was either now or never. She decided to throw all insecurities to the wind and go for it. 

“This…” she slowly signed before placing her two hands on each side of his face. 

She brought him down to her level and kissed his lips. They were warm and slightly wet from him licking them moments ago. To both of their surprise he kissed her back with ease. Only Daryl was still awkward and unsure of where to put his hands. This made Connie smile into his lips and she grabbed his hands and placed them on her waist. This seemed to be the confirmation Daryl needed to fully get into it. He placed one hand on the back of her neck and deepened the kiss. Shortly after they were out of breath and had to pull away. They just stared into one another’s eyes trying to be sure that what just occurred really happened. A devious smile soon formed on Daryl’s face when he noticed how out of breath and flustered Connie was. 

“Anythin’ you can do, I can do better,” he said.

[ssfghfrrggf]

Down is Faster Than Up

Chapter 2 AO3 Link

Come on man,” Matt begs, moving Severide’s head in his arms so he can press his fingers against his neck to make sure his heart is still beating. He can still his feel pulse, but it’s weak and fading fast. “Not like this. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this.”

It’s always been the two of them at 51, for the longest time it was the two of them and Andy. they’d always thought they were invincible, they’d always assumed they’d retire together. Then Andy had died and given both him and Kelly a reality check, but even still, Casey had never really gotten rid of the idea of retiring with Severide. It was just something he’d assumed would happen. They’d retire and spend time with their families- surprisingly enough up until today, Severide was way closer to having that one be a possibility than Casey. He’d married Stella and now she’s pregnant, but now it seems like that’s as far as Severide gets to see that dream go.

“Stay with me, Sev,” Matt whispers. “Chief said Cruz and Herrmann are coming, hang on for them. Please. Please…”

Severide doesn’t even blink, as Matt clings to him, begging him to stay. His eyes have gone blank now, and the only thing telling Matt he’s not dead yet is the slight flare of his bloody nostrils as he breathes.

“Captain!” There’s a splash behind Casey as two flashlight beams dance across the little pocket in the rubble. He whips his head around to see Ritter and Gallo wading through the freezing water toward him.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Casey chokes. He’s not sure whether to be relieved or furious that the two rookies disobeyed his order and came back.

“Saving your two sorry asses,” Gallo says splashing his way toward Casey.

Ritter clears his throat. “Respectfully sir.”

“That thing's not moving,” Casey argues, he’s too cold and his head hurts too much to be dealing with these two idiots. “I told you to get out of here.”

“We bought a jack,” Gallo reports swinging a backpack off his shoulders. “You can thank us, or fire us or whatever after we get out of here.”

Casey sighs and closes his eyes. There’s no point in fighting them, and their jack idea might actually work, and there aren’t really any other options. A couple seconds ago there was no chance of getting Severide out of this alive, not there’s a slight chance and that’s good enough for him.

“Do it,” Matt breathes, without opening his eyes.

“When we say to pull, you need to pull him out, okay?” Ritter says, giving Casey a pat on the shoulder before wading over to help Gallo with the jack.

Matt forces himself to open his eyes and watch what they’re doing.

“Okay, we’re starting,” Gallo says glancing over his shoulder at Casey who nods his approval.

He slides himself onto his knees and slides his arms under Severide’s armpits so he can pull him free when Ritter gives the words. He’s not sure this won’t kill him, lifting the weight off him and dragging him back might inflict so much pain that his body just won’t be able to take it anymore, but he’ll definitely die if they don’t.

Gallo only has time to give the jack a couple pumps before Severide’s eyes go wide and he opens his mouth in a silent scream. The only thing that escapes his lips is blood as he chokes.

“Stop! Stop! Something’s not right” Casey cries, but Ritter is already grabbing Gallo’s arm, stopping him.

“Rebars,” Ritter reports quietly and glances over his shoulder at Casey.

“Get the gauze we found ready then,” Gallo replies through clenched teeth. “We have to get him out of here or he’ll drown.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Sev,” Casey whispers as he gets ready to pull. Ritter and Gallo aren’t going to stop. “Do this fast guys.”

Gallo pumps the jack a couple more times, and the concrete shifts, he stops half a second to glance around and then keeps going.

“Go!” Ritter shouts.

Casey digs his knees in and using his last bit of waning strength he pulls Severide free from the rubble. The last thing he hears before collapsing backward into the water is a gut wrenching agonized scream of pain from Severide then his head sinks below the surface of the freezing murky water, and he blacks out as the water folds over him like an icy coffin.

***

“Captain!” Ritter cries in dismay as Casey collapses back into the water, taking Severide down with him into the murky water dyed red with quad lieutenant's blood.

“Get Severide,” Gallo orders, abandoning his post at the jack and splashing toward Casey. “I got the Captain!”

Ritter doesn’t waste a second grabbing Severide by the collar of his turnout coat and pulling him to the surface. It’s hard to tell exactly how much blood he’s losing because it’s diluted by the water around them, but given just how red the water’s turning, it’s a lot of blood, and Ritter’s practically swimming in it. It makes him feel sick almost; he’s been around blood and gore plenty, but it’s different wading in water bloodied by a friend.

“I gotta get him somewhere dry, so I can pack these wounds,” Ritter gasps and starts pulling the Squad lieutenant toward dry ground and the path that he and Gallo took to get out of this little cavern in the collapsed building.

“I got Casey,” Gallo pants following him, dragging Casey with him and obviously struggling under the Captain’s weight and size. Ritter wishes there was something he could do to help his friend, but Severide is bleeding out and he has to get his wounds packed or there’s no way in hell he’s going to survive the trip up through five stories of rubble.

Ritter finally manages to get Severide across the little cavern and hauled up onto dry ground.

“Hang in there, lieutenant,” Ritter breathes and undoes the clasps on his ripped turnout coat; the bleeding seems almost worse now that he can actually see where it’s coming from. There’s multiple puncture wounds in Severide’s stomach from the rebars, and each of them is gushing blood.

“You’re gonna be alright,” he promises and pulls out all the packs of gauze and dressing out of the first aid bag. They have one thing to be grateful for and that’s that none of the blood is spurting which means no arteries have been nicked, so he might actually be able to slow the bleeding by packing the wounds.

“Where’s Severide?” There’s a splash as Casey wakes up and twists himself free from Gallo’s arms.

“Captain, you just passed out-” Gallo tries to say, but Casey interrupts him.

“I’m fine. Where’s…” He trails off as his gaze meets Ritters.

“I got him,” Ritter promises before looking down so he can focus on packing gauze into bloody wounds in Severide’s abdomen; he’s never actually had to do this on a real person, and it’s one of the worst most unnatural things he’s ever done, shoving wad after wad of bandage into holes as his hands get more and more slippery with blood. The only comfort he finds in it all is that Severide’s unconscious and probably can’t feel most of it.

“We gotta get him out of here,” Casey chokes as he stumbles over, with the help of Gallo. He looks dazed and exhausted, and his lips are starting to turn blue, probably from sitting around in the ice cold water with Severide for so long.

“Start getting him out of his bunker gear, so we can move him easier once I finish with this,” Ritter says as he starts packing the little bit of gauze he has left into the last gash in Severide’s side. Moving him is going to be brutal, and even his deep state of unconsciousness probably won’t shield him from the pain, so making him as light as possible will make it easier to carry him gently.

***

It’s slow going with Severide, even after they managed to find a piece of wood strong enough and wide enough to serve as a backboard. Ritter and Gallo both seem to know where they’re going at least to some degree. They’d both unanimously agreed not to allow Casey to help them carry Severide, which he’s secretly grateful for; he hasn’t been able to stop his muscles from tremoring since he woke back up after his black out, and he feels like his legs could give out at any second, not to mention everything around him is blurry. Gallo’s a pale featureless blur, Ritter’s a darker featureless blur, Severide’s a bloody featureless blur, and everything else is just a haze of spinning grey blobs with no real structure or clear beginning or end. The only thing that’s abundantly clear to him, apart from the splitting pain in his head, is the pulse in Severide’s wrist that he’s holding onto. He’s managed to focus on it, and in some ways it’s the only thing keeping him going; it’s his purpose: making sure his friend’s heart is still beating, and keeping his undivided attention on it is helping him ignore all his own pain and all the red flags his body is trying to give him.

“Captain, are you okay?” Gallo asks, his voice sounds muffled and far away.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Casey replies, blinking his eyes a few times trying to clear away some of the blurriness. He’s tired of being asked that, and he’s even more tired of talking. He just wants to get Severide to safety, and he wants all this to be over. “Let’s keep moving.”

Whatever questioning glances Ritter and Gallo exchange with each other, he doesn’t catch them. They’re about to keep when Casey loses Severide’s pulse. it’s a subtle thing, his pulse was already so weak that there isn’t much difference between it being there and it not being there, but it’s definitely not there now.

“Put him down,” Casey orders quickly. “I lost his pulse.”

Panic shoots through Casey as he kneels down on the ground next to Severide and puts his hands in the center of his bloody chest and starts compressions. This can’t be it, they’ve made it so far; he knows they still have a ways left to go and that he’s lost a lot of blood, but he’s come too far and they're too close to freedom for him to die now.

“You’re not dying, Severide,” Casey hisses between gritted teeth as he pounds on his friend’s chest. “You’re going to wake up, and keep fighting, and you’re going to survive and raise your kid with Stella.”

“Captain,” Gallo says gently. He doesn’t have to say anything else for Casey to know what he’s implying, the kid’s tone says it all: he’s gone. Let him go.

“No,” Casey chokes, keeping his compressions in an even rhythm and counting in his head- 5, 6, 7, 8- . He’s not giving up on Severide, not now, not ever; he’ll do this for hours if he has to.

“Casey?” Someone that sounds a lot like Cruz questions as the sound of shuffling fills the air and two more flashlight beams light up the darkness. His vision is still too blurry to make out the faces of the two figures who have joined them in the rubble, and he has more urgent things to worry about than who all just joined them.

“Let me take over,” It’s definitely Cruz's voice.

“No,” Casey pants. He doesn’t trust anyone else not to give up. He has to keep going no matter how long it takes to get Severide back. “I’m not giving up on him.”

“I won’t either, I promise,” Cruz says urgently. “But you’re tired and aren’t going to be able to keep this up much longer.”

“Cruz, I got it,” Casey snaps. He’s not stopping.

“Casey. Let me take over. Me and Herrmann are going to take care of Severide, but you need to get to the surface and get taken care of too,” Cruz insists.

“I’m not leaving him,” Casey chokes as someone grabs him by the shoulders, and pulls him back.

“Casey, you’re in no condition, you gotta get out of here,” It’s Herrmann talking to him, calmly.

“No!” Casey shouts and pulls against him desperately. “Stop, I’m not leaving him!”

He tries desperately to fight against Herrmann as he pulls back away from Severide, but he’s too weak and his strength is all but spent and he can barely even keep his eyes open anymore.

“Cruz is going to get him back,” Herrmann promises.

“I can’t lose him,” Matt chokes, tears stinging his eyes as he collapses in the engine lieutenant’s arms. “He can’t die.”

***

“Chief, I just got a call from Med,” Sylvie calls, running up to Boden. Up until this point she’s been desperate to stay on the scene to wait for Matt to get free from the building collapse, to make sure he’s okay, but that was before Maggie called to tell her Stella just got sent into an emergency C-section and that she’s hemorrhaging pretty badly. Apparently she’d been at the scene, and Sylvie had been so busy with triage she’d completely missed her. The idea of leaving without knowing for sure Matt’s okay hurts, Stella’s going to need someone there with her when she wakes up. “They just took Stella into emergency surgery.”

Boden closes his eyes like he’s trying to wish this day out of existence, and she wishes he would. This is quickly working it’s way up to potentially being one of the worst days of her life. Matt and Severide are both MIA, and quite possibly dead, and now Stella is in the hospital with birthing complications. Everything’s going to hell faster than she can register it all.

“Go,” Boden says without her even having to phrase her request. He knows just as well as she does that someone needs to be there for Stella when she wakes up; it should be Severide, but it’s pretty clear to everyone that that’s not going to happen. Even if he makes it out of the collapse alive he’s going to need hours worth of surgery.

“Thank you chief,” she breathes, and turns to head toward 61, but Boden stops her.

“Macy and the ambo need to stay here, we still need them,” He’s apologetic about the order, but she understands it. They’re still pulling people out of the rubble they need as many paramedics and ambulances as they can get, her being allowed to leave is probably pushing it. “Find a patrol officer to get you to the hospital.”

“Yes chief,” she says, and changes direction making a b-line for the closest squad car.

It doesn’t take much convincing at all to get the officer to take her to the hospital which she’s grateful for, a lot of cops are hard asses when it comes to that sort of thing. She still remembers the one guy who tried to have Herrmann stripped of his rank for moving his squad car during a hostage situation. But when she tells this guy she needs a ride to Med, he doesn’t argue or question her, just nods his head and gets in.

It’s a fast and quiet ride to the hospital, and she wishes it were a little faster and a lot less quiet. It’s all she can do not think about what happened to Julie and how the same thing might happen to Stella. Maggie hadn’t said how badly Stella was bleeding over the phone, but if they had to do an emergency c-section just so they could get her into surgery, then it’s definitely bad. It seems like the exact same thing that happened with her birth mom, but at the same time it’s so much worse. She’s known Stella for a long time, and the thought of losing her is unbearable, not to mention if she doesn’t survive this surgery then there’s a good chance the baby will grow up without either parents. She hasn’t heard much about Severide’s condition for a while, but things weren’t looking up last anyone told her. She’s sure no matter how this day ends that 51 will take care of the kid, but it can’t come to that. She’s sick and tired of losing her friends- her family, and she’s honestly not sure if she can take another death. Losing Otis very nearly destroyed her.

“Here we are,” the officer says as they pull up to the hospital door.

“Thanks,” Sylvie says quickly as she hops out of the car and takes off inside.

The place is swamped with people, most of them appear to be from the parking garage collapse, some look like they brought in while others appear to have wandered in off the street on their own.

“Brett! You came!” Maggie calls to her from across the waiting room where she appears to have just finished a waiting patient.

“Yeah, I’m here, are Stella and the baby okay?” Sylvie asks, skipping all the formalities and small talk; she knows Maggie won’t mind.

“The baby’s fine, a healthy baby boy-”

“And Stella?” Sylvie presses.

“There was an abdominal tear which caused the bleeding, and she’s still surgery, but Dr. Manning said things are looking good,” Maggie reports optimistically. “Do you know if Kelly’s coming? I tried calling him but couldn’t get in touch.”

Brett ducks her head sheepishly.

“What happened?” Maggie asks, guiding Sylvie over to a mostly vacant corner of the waiting area. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know,” Brett replies quietly. “The last I heard was him and Casey were trapped in the bottom level of that structure collapse and that he’s hurt pretty bad.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry,” Maggie whispers comfortingly and pulls Brett into a tight hug. “Those two are both tough guys, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“I hope so,” Brett mumbles resting her chin on Maggie’s shoulder. She really just wants to stay like this, something about the warmth of the hug and the woman’s confidence makes Sylvie feel a little better, and a little bit more hopeful that maybe everything will be okay.

“Do you want to go see the baby?” Maggie asks pulling away after a minute or so.

“I’m not family,” Sylvie sniffles, just now realizing how close to crying she is.

“Sure you are,” the nurse says encouragingly and leads her toward the doors. “Then you can either go wait in waiting room for Stella to be out of surgery or you can help us out with victims we have in the ER waiting room until she’s out.”

“Thanks Maggie, but I think I’ll just help out here,” Sylvie says slowly and stops walking. It feels wrong to see the baby before Stella and Severide, the baby’s theirs. One of them should be the first to see and hold baby, apart from the doctors. “I’ll see the baby once Stella is out of surgery.”

“Whatever you want, Brett,” Maggie says with an understanding head nod.

***

Brett is a good hour into helping tag patients and sticking band aids on various minor cuts and scrapes when the tones signalling that an ambulance is pulling up outside the doors sound, making her look up from the patient she’s with. The team of paramedics are through the door a second later and Maggie is rushing to meet them; it’s hard to see who’s on the stretcher through the group of people crowding it, but she can see that whoever it is has on bunker pants.

“What do we got?” Maggie asks quickly.

“Male firefighter, thirties, head injury, he passed out in the field,” one of the two paramedics reports, and as they make the turn into the ER, Sylvie catches a glimpse of the firefighter’s short blond hair, dirty with blood and dust, and he stomach drops. She’s knows exactly who it is.

“Casey?!” She cries, and leaves the patient she was with to follow the stretcher. As she catches up, she becomes more sure it’s him. “Matt?! What happened?”

“Brett you need to back up,” Maggie warns, grabbing her before she can follow him into bagdad.

“No, no, no, Matt… What happened? Maggie, what happened?” Sylvie chokes, collapsing in the nurse’s arms, she can feel tears welling her eyes and there’s nothing she can do to stop them. She’s tired of this, she’s tired of her friends getting hurt, she’s tired of worrying, and she’s tired of today. She hates it and wants it to be over.

“Breathe honey,” Maggie soothes and pulls back farther away from Matt, as he gets transferred from the gurney to the exam bed.

“No,” Sylvie sobs, clinging to Maggie’s arms, the nurse is the only thing keeping her on two feet.

“Brett! Hey!”

Through her tear blurred vision, she can see Ritter running toward her.

“I got her,” He says and grabs her from Maggie.

“What happened?” she asks, barely able to string her words together as she meets his gaze.

“He had a head injury that we didn’t know about, he passed out as soon as we made it to the surface,” He explains and guides her toward a chair, keeping a steady and reassuring grip on her arms. “He probably kept it to himself because he wanted us to take care of Severide.”

Brett uses the back of her sleeve to wipe some of her tears away. “Where is Severide?”

Ritter purses his lips and looks at the ground.

“Oh no…” Sylvie whispers, and the tears begin flooding her eyes again

“I was ordered to take Casey on up to the surface, Gallo, Herrmann and Cruz were with him… when we left they were trying to… to revive him,” Ritter mumbles, not taking his eyes off the floor.

“What am gonna tell Stella,” Brett chokes and buries her face in her hands. The chances of them being able to revive him and transport him through all the rubble and debris are slim to none

“I don’t know, I don’t know about any of this to be honest,” Ritter admits, resting his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. “But I think Captain Casey will be okay.”

“Brett,” Dr. Manning calls her attention away from Ritter and Casey as she approaches them. “Sorry to interrupt, but….” the doctor trails off a second to glance over at where Casey is being worked on. “Stella is out of surgery and doing well. You can wait up there and we’ll send someone to get you when we how Casey’s doing-”

“Why do that, I can tell you now,” Dr. Halstead interrupts and walks over, peeling off his gloves as he does so.

Sylvie’s heart sinks, it’s too soon for this to possibly be good news.

“He should be fine, he’s got a concussion and he’s exhausted, but he just woke back up. You can go see him real quick before we take up for a CT to make sure we’re not missing anything,” Dr. Halstead says confidently and dumps his gloves in a trash can.

“Really?” Brett breathes, she can barely believe her ears. She knows it’s probably insensitive to feel as happy as she does right now because Severide is still a long way from being out of the woods and might even be dead right now, but Stella and Casey are both okay so she can’t help it.

“Yeah, we’re gonna keep him for observation, but as long as the CT checks out, he’ll be fine,” Will replies. “And then you can go up and see Stella.”

“Thank you,” Sylvie chokes and his on her feet pushing her way past Dr. Halstead before she’s even fully aware of her actions. “Matt! Matt, hey.”

“Hey Brett,” he says quietly as she meets him at his bedside. There’s something off about him, and it’s not just how tired he is. He seems hollow like some crucial part of him has been sucked out leaving behind a broken tired shell. And she realizes it’s grief that’s sucked that part of him out.

“Hey Matt, they said you’ll be fine and that you probably just have a bad concussion,” Brett says encouragingly, but Matt doesn’t react, he doesn’t seem to care about anything, not even her presence next to him. “Matt…?”

“Sorry,” he mumbles and looks away from her.

***

Just a concussion. The last time he saw Severide his heart wasn’t beating- he was technically dead after being crushed under what was probably a thousand pounds of concrete and impaled on rebar. Just a concussion. His best friend, who was supposed to be a father and who had met the love of his life that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with, is dead; and Matt, who really doesn’t have much of anyone, just. Has. A. Concussion.

He’s not sure how to process, how to make things work right in his head. Passing out had been a relief, there’d been nothing to think about, no dreams, no worries, no guilt or anger. But now he’s awake again and it’s all hitting him so hard and so fast he can’t set any of his feelings straight, he can’t even find the presence of mind to say anything to Brett. He doesn’t know how. Waking up has given him a bigger shock to the system than passing out did. Part of him wishes he’d pass out again, he’s exhausted, and his head is spinning with all the feelings he can’t process.

“Casey, look at me,” Brett whispers quietly and squeezes his hand.

He can’t bring himself to look at her, he knows what he’ll find in her eyes, sadness, calm soothing reassurances, promises that it’ll be okay, but it won’t be. Severide’s gone, and Casey isn’t strong enough to lead the house through yet another devastating loss, not so soon after Otis, and not without Severide there to do it with him. He can’t help get them all through it, not when he has no idea how to even begin navigating it all for himself.

“Matt please,” Sylvie pleads and reaches toward his face, but he pulls away freeing his hand from hers. Facing her and probably her own heart break is too much. He wishes he could, he wishes he could be a shoulder for her to cry on, but he’s not strong enough; and he can’t let her stand with him on the brink of his sea of despair that’s going to suck him in. He knows she’s going to want to try to pull him out, but he’s not sure there’s anyone capable of doing that, not this time, and won’t drag her down with him.

“Can we get this CT scan over with?” Matt asks, looking up at Dr. Halstead, who looks concerned.

“Matt!” Brett’s sharp tone takes Matt by surprise and she grabs him and makes him look at her. “Stop trying to ignore me, and listen.”

Matt is too caught off guard by her sudden directness to pull away or even say anything.

“I’m not going to give you some speech about how it’s all going to be okay or- or how you need to stay strong because frankly this day has been absolute hell and there is absolutely no reason that you should have to try to keep it together. I’ve already cried like three times just in the last hour and a half,” She says frantically, the words flying off her tongue in that rapid flustered way they do when she gets really emotional and passionate. “Matt it is okay. It is okay to not be okay. But if you think for one second that I’m going to let you be not okay by yourself, that you got a big storm comin, buddy.” she sounds and looks almost angry. “I don’t care if you think all your big angry man feelings are too much for me, because one they’re not, and two I love you and I’m not going to let you deal with this on your own. Is that clear?”

Matt holds her gaze, and as he looks into her blue eyes something inside him breaks freeing all his emotions at once, and before he can even feel it coming, he’s crying.

“Thank you Sylvie,” he chokes and buries his face in her shoulder. There’s a kind of relief that comes with Matt’s release of all his pent up pain and sorrow. It doesn’t make any of it go away or get better, but he feels a little, and despite the fact that he’s practically sobbing into Brett’s arms, he feels like he can actually breathe. He’s glad she’s there and he’s glad she yelled at him.

“Guys, I’m really sorry,” Dr. Halstead says softly, and clears his throat apologetically. “But we gotta move you out of here and up to the CT. There’s an air lift coming in, and they’re going to need this space to work.”

Casey nods his head a little, but doesn’t lift it from Sylvie’s shoulder and she keeps rubbing his back in gentle soothing circles.

“Please come with me,” Matt mumbles, finally lifting his head again, and wiping the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Of course, Matt,” she says reassuringly, with tears coming down her cheeks. Casey hadn’t even realized she was crying too.

***

“Halstead, I need a hand!” Dr. Choi shouts as he and the two air medics burst into the ER with the stretcher. Sylvie can see that’s it’s Severide; she’d had a feeling it was him when Maggie said there was an airlift coming in, but now she’s sure. He’s a dirty bloody mess, but it’s him plain as day.

“I’ll be right back, guys,” Will says quickly and dashes off to assist, leaving Sylvie standing alone next to Matt’s wheelchair.

“Is that-” Matt starts to say but halfway through his sentence he stops, probably realizing it’s exactly who he thinks it is. “Severide!”

Casey’s on his feet in a matter of seconds, and tries to run to his friend, but Sylvie manages to grab him before he can.

“Matt, you have to stay here, and give them space,” she says firmly, holding the Captain back. He doesn’t fight her, but he doesn’t sit back down either.

“That’s Sev,” he breathes, and looks down at her with a horrified expression.

“I know.” She wants to look away from Severide, but she can’t, it’s like she’s frozen in a state of shock that she can’t shake herself free from. She can’t see much around the medical personnel swarming the little room, but she can see the blood and it’s everywhere. Without even consciously doing so she reaches down and grabs Matt’s hand; she’s not really sure if she’s doing to comfort herself or him, but either way it doesn’t matter.

“We started a blood transfusion on the way over, he’s lost close two leaders, body temp is 92-”

“BP’s bottoming out,” Will reports, interrupting the medics. “Get a crash cart on stand by and we need warm fluids.”

“He’s coded twice,” One of the air medics adds as they transfer Severide from the stretcher. “Once in the air and once before we got there.”

“Casey, you need to get up to your CT,” Dr Manning says, grabbing both Sylvie and Matt and turning them away from what’s happening. Brett can’t help but look back over her shoulder at what’s happening to Severide.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Casey argues and pulls away from the doctor. Sylvie wishes she could back Matt, she wants stay and make sure they get Severide stabilized, but they can’t. Matt needs to get a CT done, for his own good; this isn’t the first major head injury he suffered. Brett heard stories about the last one that resulted in a skull fracture, and how the doctors had warned him another hit to the head could be fatal.

“Matt, you need to get yourself checked out,” Sylvie says, hoping he doesn’t argue.

“But-”

“Severide’s in the best possible hands,” Dr. Manning promises. “Now you need to let me take you up for some head CTs, okay?”

Matt casts a reluctant glance over his shoulder at Severide, Brett can tell from the look on his face he’s thinking the same thing she is: he can’t die. She’s sure it’s harder for him, he’s known Kelly twice as long as she has, and been close friends for the better part of that time.

“They’ll take care of him, Matt. But you need to let them take care of you, too. Okay?”

Matt bites his lip and nods.

***

The blank white ceiling is the first thing Stella becomes aware of as she slowly drifts out of her deep dreamless sleep and begins to open her eyes, the next thing she notices is the steady quiet rhythmic beep of a heart monitor next to her head, it’s a soothing reassuring sound… and finally as her brain plays catch up with her body she becomes painfully aware of an emptiness that’s opened up inside of her. Something’s missing. She tries to sit up but pain shooting up from her abdomen stops her and she flops back in the bed with a gasp, and it hits her. The baby- the baby’s gone. Her throat tightens with panic as she tries a second time to sit up, she can’t feel the baby anymore. She makes a second attempt to sit up, ignoring the pain in her abdomen as she looks wildly around the room, she can hear the beeping on the machine next to her getting faster, and her mind races.

“Woah, hey, Stella take it easy!” Brett says urgently and grabs her hand. She hadn’t even noticed the paramedic sitting next to her bed.

“The baby,” Stella chokes desperately and grabs Brett’s arm begging for answers. She can’t lose the baby, she’s already pretty sure Kelly’s gone, she remembers saying goodbye to him, and she can’t lose their child too. It’s all she has left of him.

“The baby’s okay, Stella. He’s okay,” Sylvie promises, squeezing Stella’s hand.

“He?” Stella breathes and sinks back in bed. She and Kelly had decided not to be told the gender of the baby during her pregnancy to leave it a surprise.

“Yes,” Sylvie replies gently. “You have a beautiful healthy baby boy.”

Stella closes her eyes and points her head toward the ceiling letting her relief sink in. Her son is okay… she has a son .

“Dr. Manning said they’ll bring him in as soon as you're ready,” Brett says as she slides her hand out of Stella’s.

Stella nods her head in acknowledgment, but keeps her closed as she allows herself to breathe and get her bearings back. When she’s ready… She’s not sure if she’ll ever be truly ready for this; Kelly was supposed to be here. They were supposed to raise the baby together. She’d always known the possibility of her doing this by herself could turn into a reality, but she’d never actually let herself think about it, let alone prepare for it.

“Is Kelly…?” she can’t bring herself to finish the question and say it out loud… dead. Is Kelly dead?

Brett sighs and squeezes her hand.

“No…” Stella moans and squeezes her eyes shut tighter.

“No,” Brett says even. “He’s not dead Stella.”

Stella opens her eyes and turns her head to face Brett. She’d been so sure, the way he’d said good-bye, the silence that had followed, all of it had made her so sure she’d lost him… that he was gone forever and that she’d have to raise this baby, this last piece of him she had left, all alone.

“He’s okay?” Stella chokes, tears stinging her eyes.

“They airlifted him in about an hour ago, and he was in bad shape. He’s in surgery right now,” Sylvie explains. Stella can tell she’s trying to sound positive and upbeat, but that deep down the paramedic is worried… really worried.

“Do they think he’s going to make it?” Stella ventures after a beat. Part of her doesn’t want to know, she’s not entirely sure she’ll be able to handle it. She knows it’s gotta be really bad considering how convinced Kelly was that he was going to die and how scared he’d seemed. But the other part of her needs to know. “Give it to me straight, Brett.”

“It’s bad, Stella. I’m sorry,” Brett admits reluctantly. “I saw him when they brought him in… he was a mess. Surgery’s going to take a while, and chances are they’ll have to take breaks to make sure they can keep him stable, but that’s all I know.”

Stella closes her eyes and lets out a slow breath trying to calm her nerves and not think about how badly this day could end.

“Can I see our baby now?” She asks slowly without looking at Brett. She’d imagined right from the start of this pregnancy that Kelly would be right there with her when she brought the baby into the world. She’d imagined she’d give birth naturally, Kelly holding her hand, and the baby getting to see them both as soon as it opened its eyes, not this- not their child, their son, spending his first few hours with some nurses while both his parents fight for their lives. She’s okay now, and she needs to see her son.

“Absolutely,” Sylvie replies gently and gives Stella’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll go get Maggie.”

It’s only a couple minutes before Sylvie comes back in the room with Maggie who’s holding a small bundle protectively in her arms. Stella sits up, a nervous excitement bubbling up inside of her, up until now the only thing she’s felt is hollow, the hollowness left behind by no longer having a baby growing inside her and a hollow dread and fear of losing Kelly. But it all slips away as Maggie walks over to her and gently hands the tiny bundle over to her with a warm smile.

“There you go mama,” Maggie says gently and places the baby in Stella’s arms with a smile.

She’s held babies before, pulled them out of burning houses and crashed cars, she’s even held a couple of her friend’s babies, but none of that could’ve ever prepared her for this, it’s like nothing she’s ever done before. This is her baby, her beautiful baby’s face that she’s staring into, and that’s staring right back up at her with deep blue eyes that look just like his father’s.

“Hey sweetie,” she chokes, the words sticking in her throat. She cradles her son close to her- her son … it seems strange almost thinking about it. She has a son. She almost can’t even believe it, she has a son and he’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

He blinks at her, but doesn’t make a sound as he continues to look up at her intently. She wishes she could stay like this forever.

***

Sylvie wants to go in and be with Stella and the baby, but it feels like intruding, and from the look on her friend’s face, she’s pretty sure she needs some alone time with her baby.

“Is Stella awake?” the sound of Dr. Halstead’s voice behind her starles her and she turns around to face the doctor who’s walking down the hallway toward her. He looks concerned, and considering the fact that both Stella and the baby are currently fine, it must have to do with Severide. “I need to talk to her.”

“She is,” Sylvie says and steps in front of the door as Will reaches for the nob. “But you’re going to have to wait to give her whatever bad news you have. She’s meeting her son for the first time, she needs time to be happy.”

Dr. Halstead sighs and takes a step back. “Fair enough.”

“So it is bad news…” Sylvie questions. She’d been hoping he’d correct her and tell her that he had good news instead.

��It’s not as bad as it could be, but it’s not great,” Will replies.

“What is it?” Brett asks, casting a quick glance through the window at Stella before focusing her gaze on the doctor.

“They got him through surgery, but there was a lot of internal damage and a lot of crush related injuries. He also lost a lot of blood, and was hypothermic, which is probably what saved his life.”

“What’s the prognosis?” Brett asks, shifting her feet.

“He’s still critical, and we’re still not sure if he’s going to wake up, and if he does we’re not expecting him to make a full recovery,” Will replies grimly.

“What do you mean by not making a full recovery?” Brett presses. “Like not walking again or…”

“Not walking again,” Will answers her. “But right now we’re just trying to make sure he makes it through the next hour, which, to be completely honest, it’s not looking like he will.”

Brett sighs and turns back to the window to look at Stella and the baby. Severide’s alive, so that much is good news, but Will doesn’t seem optimistic that he’s going to make it through the next hour or so. It seems wrong to tell Stella and give her false hope if Severide might die at any minute, but it also seems wrong not to tell her, not to give her answers for what she’s up against.

“I’d like to tell Stella, but if you think I should wait, I will,” Will ventures after a moment of silence.

“Would she be able to see him?” Brett asks. The answer to that question is a game changer; if the answer’s yes they can’t not tell her. They can’t rob her of whatever time she has left with Kelly.

“Yes, she’ll be able to go see him,” Will replies.

“Then we need to tell her,” Sylvie says quietly. It still seems so wrong to do it right now, but she needs to know, and she needs to be able to go be with him. If nothing else, her being with him will keep him fighting.

“I’ll give her another minute,” Will says. “Oh, and Matt’s been asking for you, your crew is in with him, but he wants you.”

“Okay, I’ll go see him in a little bit, but I’d like to be with Stella when you give her the news,” Brett replies. Stella’s going to need more than just the comfort of a doctor she barely knows.

[elizabeethan]

Keeping It Professional

Please enjoy this dialogue-heavy fluff-fest, in which Emma and Killian work together on a popular TV show, and Emma is just trying to keep things professional.

Rated T

~3200 words

Summary: Join us this Thursday with Emma Nolan, the star of the hit show, Neverland! Emma plays Emma Swan, a mom who's trying to get her son back from Neverland, but Peter Pan is not who you'd expect. We'll discuss a new season, the upcoming finale, and, of course, her on and off screen relationships with her costars! You won't want to miss this one!

In which Emma Nolan hates interviews.

A/N: Oh hi, I wrote this while I was being no-showed. I have no idea what it is.

see other stuff that i’ve written on Ao3 or tumblr

The ostentatious applause and blinding lights are things that Emma Nolan has grown accustomed to over the years. The show has been on for four seasons, having just been picked up for a fifth, and it’s grown in popularity during that time.

“It must be interesting playing a character with your same name.”

“Definitely. No one ever has an excuse to get my name wrong on set,” she laughs lightly, drawing similar sounds from the audience.

“Right! And I’m sure it much be interesting, working with your brother?”

“Oh, yeah. David’s a great actor, and he’s also my best friend. It’s a blast.”

“Now, at the end of last season, we found out that Baelfire was actually alive!” The audience cheers. “How’s that for a turn of events?”

“Oh, I know. Crazy right? We’ll have to see how it will impact everyone’s relationship with Henry.”

“Not to mention Emma’s relationship with Hook, right?”

The audience whoops and hollers, and Emma smiles. “I guess we’ll have to see!”

“Now, Emma, everyone is dying to know. The chemistry between you and Killian… there’s got to be something there, right?”

Emma loves to act— and she’s damn good at it. She loves the show she’s been a part of for almost five years now. She even doesn’t mind doing interviews, usually. What she does mind, however, is how everyone and their mother assumes she’s sleeping with her costars.

Emma fakes a laugh— she’s a good actor, remember? — and lets her eyes light up and a grin split her face, saying jokingly, “I’m a really good actor.”

The audience laughs, as does the interviewer, reaching between their chairs and touching Emma’s knee lightly. “You're too much! But come one—you and Killian? You and Neal?”

Okay, she hates interviews.

Emma shakes her head, trying her hardest to maintain an air of light and playfulness rather than rolling her eyes like she so badly wanted to. “Just keeping it professional, you know?”

“Well, Emma Swan has had some steamy moments with both Baelfire and Hook, so I think the audience would agree when I say we want to know who the better kisser is! Both of them are so delicious!” The audience doesn’t cheer; screams violently is more like it. Emma tries to laugh it off, but seriously? How is this question even allowed to be asked?

“Uh,” she starts awkwardly before she snaps herself back into interview mode and smiles again. “No comment,” she says with a smirk and a flirt in her tone.

“Oh, come on!”

She hates interviews.

“We’re all good friends. We’re just trying to keep it professional so that we can continue to work together.”

“Well, your brother David and Mary Margaret got married last year and they seem to work together well.”

Emma’s left eye starts to twitch, and she’s glad that it isn’t the side of her facing the audience. Let it go, lady, she thinks. “I’m so happy for them—they're great together, aren’t they?” The audience cheers again. “I’m really glad they were able to work things out between them. They’ve always had a thing for each other, and their relationship is so strong both on and off screen that it just worked out.”

“Are you saying you don’t have a strong relationship with Killian or Neal?”

“No, no, it isn’t that. I guess I’d just rather put my professional relationship with them over any of my own wishes.”

The interviewer smirks, and shit. “So, you do wish to be with one of them?” Oh my god, she thinks. Yes, but leave me the hell alone about it.

She starts to panic, thinking about what Killian would say in response, how he would tease her for anything that comes out of her mouth. Then she starts thinking about his mouth, then his eyes and his cute nose and his weird, charming ears, and her heart starts racing and her palms start sweating, and she has to get herself under control, dammit!

“All I want is for people to continue to love the show, and if my on-screen chemistry with my costars assists in that, then I’m happy.” Phew, take that, Kelly. Emma is a professional actor, thank you very much.

“Alright, alright, we can’t get anything out of her today, guys, sorry. Emma Nolan is the star on the hit series Neverland, which portrays Peter Pan in a very new light; catch up online or before the new episodes air every Sunday at 8 pm!”

The audience shouts again, and they're finally given the cue that the cameras are off as the lights dim, and Emma stands from the chair she was perched on and starts to unhook her mic from her top.

“Thank you for coming in today, Emma! It was so lovely having you.”

“It was great being here, Kelly, thank you.”

Emma practically runs from the stage once she’s cleared to do so, making her way down dark, winding hallways until she reaches the dressing room with her name printed on it. She shuts the door firmly behind her and presses her back to it, taking a deep breath and sliding down to the floor with her face in her hands. She tries deep breathing, but she finds it nearly impossible to get any air in.

Her phone chimes, alerting her to the message she’s received, and she attempts to pull herself together so that she can stand and grab it.

Nice one, Swan

She rolls her eyes at the moniker Killian has given her, but she can’t stop the smile from spreading across her face. Knowing that he must’ve been watching her interview from his own dressing room across the building makes her heart rate pick up. Knowing that he must know how nervous she is, because she hates interviews, makes her cheeks go rosy.

i hate interviews.

I know. You did great, love. Very professional.

yeah, well. don’t let kelly bully you next week like she did me. go get em, tiger.

No matter her mood, she can’t stop herself from flirting with him, and it’s seriously a problem. They can’t be doing this, and she knows it.

~~~~

“Hey Nolan,” she hears with a knock on her trailer door as it swings open.

“Hi Neal, what’s up?”

He smiles at her sweetly and gestures into her trailer. “Can I come in for a second?”

Emma nods, nodding her head towards the small couch. “Sure. What’s going on?”

“Just wanted to say, I saw your interview with Kelly. You did really well.”

She smiles at him sweetly as she takes a seat on a chair across the small trailer from him. “Thanks. She was persistent, huh?” Did she mention that she really hates interviews?

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” he nods.

“Okay…” She’s hesitant to speak now, not wanting to push him in either direction, but honestly nervous for what’s about to come out of his mouth.

“I was just thinking… well, I like you, Emma. Not just as a costar or friend. I think you're cool and funny and pretty, and I was just thinking… well, everyone already thinks— I mean, I know you said you want to keep everything professional, but we can date and still be professional, right?”

“Neal…”

“Go to dinner with me. Just once. I really think we could have something great here.”

She shakes her head, her heart racing again as anxiety sets in. “I can’t. I’m sorry Neal, I just… I can’t.”

He nods, smiling at her again, and thank god he isn’t as much of an asshole in real life as she thinks his character is. “I get it, it’s alright.”

“I just want to keep everything professional. We work together…”

“Right, I know. So, it isn’t because of Jones?”

“What about Killian?” She screws her face as much as she can manage, but panics as she fears that he knows.

“You guys just have chemistry, too, that’s all. I wasn’t sure if you were together or something.”

He doesn’t know, she reminds herself, breathing in deeply in an attempt to relax. “I want to keep everything—”

“Professional, I know. No worries, Em.” He smiles once more, standing up and squeezing her shoulder before he heads out the door.

~~~~

“So, what’s it like working with your ex?” The audience reacts excitedly as Kelly presses, perhaps making it her mission to ask the most uncomfortable questions she possibly can.

“Oh, it’s alright. Milah and I are in a good place. We were together so long ago, and we’re both adults, so we’re able to keep things professional.” Emma nods at her screen, biting her thumb nervously as Killian gets grilled once again.

“That’s so amazing, isn’t it, guys?” The audience cheers. “Now last week’s episode was just… so heartbreaking. I’d love to get into that a bit with you.”

“Yeah,” he nods, and the audience aws collectively. “It was a really tough one to shoot. I don’t want to give much away, but the last scene with Hook and Emma was very emotional.”

“For the characters, or for you and Emma?”

“Both, I’d say.”

Kelly nods somberly as the audience aws again. “It looked it. I heard a rumor that the kiss Hook planted on Emma’s forehead when the rowboat was leaving the island was unscripted. Is that true?”

The audience gets excited, and Emma loses her thumb nail to her front teeth. “Yeah, actually. That scene in particular was really, really emotional. Can I drop spoilers?”

“Anyone who hasn’t seen the season finale yet is out of their mind. Drop away!”

He laughs blithely, the light in his eyes shining brightly through her iPad screen. “Well, Pan had put Emma in an impossible situation. She had to choose between getting Henry out of Neverland without a sleeping curse, or risk never waking him up and leaving Hook behind. I think it’s clear by the season finale that Emma has feelings for Hook, so that decision was really difficult for her. That final scene between the two of them… well, it was emotional for Hook too, because his feelings for Emma are obvious.” The audience cheers again.

“Super obvious. I mean, the chemistry between the two of you…”

“Right,” he quickly brushes her comment off. “So, we shot that scene at, like, 3 in the morning. It was freezing, it was raining, we were tired, and we don’t really know what the writers have in store for the next season. So, I guess my emotions got the better of me, and Hook and Emma— Swan, that is— finally had that moment when feelings were admitted—”

More screaming, as Killian refers to the steamy make out scene that aired last week. “Oh, we remember!” Kelly shouts over the audience.

He laughs again, a blush rising over the tips of his adorably pointy ears as he continues. “So, yeah, shooting the final scene between the two of them, where Emma needs to leave Hook on the island to ensure Henry’s safety, it was really difficult because there was finally a chance for them, and that chance got ripped away and we don’t know what’s going to happen to Hook. And like I said, it was cold and late, and I guess that just got the better of me, so I went with it.”

“Well, I think I can say with confidence that the viewers are glad that you went with it. I mean, how sweet was that, Hook kissing Emma’s forehead so softly? It was adorable!” Even more screaming, and Emma thinks she can see Killian cringing just the slightest bit.

“Yeah,” he says softly, still blushing. Emma wants nothing more than to reach through the screen and grab him to plant a big fat kiss on his cheeks.

“It only works so well because of the chemistry between you and your costar, Emma Nolan.”

He nods, blush permanent on his features. “We’re close.”

“Any chance we could see the two of you as more than friends off screen?” Kelly’s smirking, and she audience goes absolutely insane and threatens to blow out Emma’s headphones.

“Not sure that you’ll ever see that. We’re just keeping things professional, Kelly. She and I are costars, first and foremost.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll back off,” she laughs, as does the audience. Killian’s is discernibly fake.

By the time the interview ends, Emma’s face is as red as she imagines Killian’s to be. She puts her iPad away and lies on the couch, covering her eyes with her arm and trying hard to relax before she has to go out on set. The season finale aired, and they’ve already started shooting for season five, which requires even more chemistry between Emma Swan and Captain Hook.

The polls don’t lie; the viewers were absolutely obsessed with Emma and Hook’s relationship. Captain Swan started trending internationally after the finale, when the writers made it clear that the relationship between Emma and Hook was beyond just physical. Of course, what helped that along was Killian’s accidental smooch to Emma’s face during shooting.

What was an accident born from emotional exhaustion ended up being edited into the scene, driving the nation crazy once it aired and absolutely blowing up both Emma and Killian’s social media accounts. Not only were fans of the show obsessing over Captain Swan, but they were now also suspecting that Emma and Killian were an item. Emillian was trending as well, and Emma couldn’t help but cringe each time she was tagged in a Tweet or an Instagram fan edit.

The thumps on her trailer door finally drag her out of her own head, and she shouts for the knocker to enter.

“Hi, love,” he says, making her heart race before she even saw his face.

“Hey.” She sits up from her position on the couch as he takes a seat on the chair across the trailer.

“Did you see it?” She nods. She wasn’t able to watch him shoot the interview live as he was when she was on the show, so she had to watch it when it aired along with the rest of the country.

“You always handle those questions well.”

“It’s getting a bit insane, though.” She nods in return, agreeing that the questions they're asked about their relationshipare becoming intrusive. “Milah talked to me just now.”

“Did she?”

“Aye, she congratulated me on the interview and the finale. Said my costume looked great.”

“I would hope so; she designed in.”

He chuckles, standing from the chair and taking a seat on the couch next to her. “She asked me to dinner.”

“Oh,” Emma responds, her heart falling into her stomach. “What, uh, what did you say?”

“I said my girlfriend probably wouldn’t like that.”

She stares at him, eyes wide, and is tempted to whack him across the chest. “No, you didn’t!”

He laughs, jumping playfully away from her as she does swat at him. “No, I didn’t. But I wanted to.”

“Killian,” she sighs, flopping her body down on the couch and covering her face with her arm again. “We can’t. What if something goes wrong and it messes with our on-screen relationship? Are you willing to risk your job over this?”

“Yes,” he deadpans at her, and when she moves her arm and looks at his face, she knows he’s serious.

“Killian—”

“I am. I’m in love with you. I'm tired of hiding it.”

Her face falls, her heart beating frantically and her chest burning. “I love you, too, but…”

“What are you so afraid of? That we won’t work out? Love, we’ve been together for almost two years. This is very Emma Swan behavior that you're displaying.” She laughs at his reference to her character’s emotional constipation and leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just… I’ve never done this before.”

He kisses the top of her head gently before speaking. “It’s alright. I’m sorry I’m pushing you. We can wait. Just know that I love you and I’m all in. I know you're nervous that we might not work out, or that it would impact our jobs, but… I believe in us. I know we’re stronger than that. And I’ll wait as long as you wish for me to until you believe that, too.”

Dammit, she thinks. How could she not have fallen for him immediately after meeting him? She sighs against him and hoists herself up off the couch before planting herself on his lap, her legs straddling his and her face finding its usual spot in his neck. “I love you,” she says softly into his skin.

“I love you, Emma.” His arms run up and down her back, soothing and warming her simultaneously. “I’ve loved you since the moment I met you when I joined the show. I’ll never stop loving you.”

“Do you think we can still keep it professional if everyone knows we’re dating?”

“Aye,” he nods, and she can feel his chin scraping against the top of her head. “But I also think that a lot of people already suspect that we’re together, ever since my royal screw up on set.”

“That wasn’t so bad. I liked it.”

He chuckles, the sound rumbling through his chest and in her ear. “Not very professional, though.”

“Is it professional to seduce your costar in your trailer an hour before shooting?” she asks boldly, pressing her nose into his neck below his ear and tracing his pulse point with her tongue.

He’s growling, and the sound goes straight to her core as his firm hands find her backside and squeeze. “No, it��s not. But that hasn’t stopped you before.”

“It’s not going to stop me now, either.”

~~~~

“We should come clean,” she whispers into the air between them once she catches her breath. The couch wasn’t quite big enough for cuddling, but they do their best, with Emma’s back pressed into the back of the couch and Killian’s bare, fuzzy butt dangerously facing the door.

“You think? Are you ready for that?”

She shrugs. “Just… you're right. I want this with you. I'm in it for the long haul. I don’t know what I’m so afraid of.”

“It makes sense to be afraid, love. We don’t know how going public might impact our relationship.”

“Yeah, but… we are stronger than that. We’re stronger than whatever the fans or critics can throw at us. I love you, and I want to be with you.”

He’s grinning as he brushes his nose against hers before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “You're sure?”

She nods. “I’m sure.”

~~~~

They wait until season five is about to air before posting an Instagram photo of Killian kissing Emma’s temple with the captain #Emillian. It trends for weeks. Views and ratings for the show skyrocket. Emma and Killian started attending interviews together, and she finds them to be pretty tolerable.  

~~~~

~~~~

i’m just tagging people who have been nice to me: 

@courtorderedcake @shireness-says @kmomof4 @gingerpolyglot @klynn-stormz @tohellwiththepancakes13 @emelizabeth88 @captain-emmajones @onceratheart18 @stahlop @itsfabianadocarmo @superchocovian @gingerchangeling @ilovemesomekillianjones

Please let me know if you're interested in being tagged in other stuff that I write--or if me tagging you is annoying and you want me to stop! 

[supercorpkid]

Driving Lessons

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x niece!Reader.

Word count: 1395.

You don’t even know how you got here. Well, you do. But you don’t really understand why. It sounded like a bad idea ever since day one, but you insisted on it. Rao, if you had a penny for every bad idea you ever had, you would probably be richer than Lena by now.

Jamie is in the front seat. Alex is teaching you both how to drive. You and Jamie have been talking about this for weeks, and really really annoying your parents on the process. You asked Lena to teach you (let’s just say no one thinks driving is Kara’s best suit), but your mom has been busy all week, and on weekends things just kept coming. When you finally realized it would take months for Lena to teach you, you asked to join Jamie’s driving lessons with aunt Alex.

Alex’s already teaching Jamie, and Kelly’s big old ugly mommy van is perfect for lessons. Well, much better than Lena’s BMW, for sure.

Jamie’s already pretty good at it and it’s only her third lesson, which makes you even more anxious. A few lefts and rights and it’s your turn. You don’t even know why you’re so nervous, you know how to fly!

“Ok kid.” Alex starts. “Left breaks, right speeds up. Put the stick on D, and hit the right.”

“hmkay…” It’s easy. D, press the right pedal. The car jumps forward and you get desperate and cover your face dropping the pedal taking your foot away from them.

“Number one.” Aunt Alex says touching your arm. “Never cover your face.”

“Right. For sure.” You look at her. She already changed the stick back to P.

“Number two, just go slow. No need to rush. Press it lightly.” She points at the stick again. “Go on.”

You do it again. D, press the right pedal slowly. The car moves a little and you celebrate like you’ve hit a homerun.

“Ok, great. Now press it a little more. NOT all the way ok?” She punctuates the not, so you just add a little more. “Kid, a little more, we’re at 5 here.”

“Right. What’s the number we’re going for?”

“How about 30?”

“THIRTY?” Your eyes pop out. “How about 15?” You ask, making both Alex and Jamie chuckle.

“Come on, we haven’t even left this street yet.” Jamie complains in the back and you roll your eyes. Just because she had two more classes, she thinks she’s some expert.

“Hey.” You hear on your left and you jump on your seat. When you look to the other side you see Kara. “What’s going on? Why are you going so slow?”

“Momma, what are you doing here?” You ask. The car keeps moving very slow, painfully slow, and Kara is just walking next to it.

“I’ve been flying behind the car for a while. Just wanna make sure you would be safe.” Kara says with a smile, and you don’t know why but that stresses you a lot.

“I’m safe!” You yell annoyed.

“A little too safe.” Alex adds and you roll your eyes again. Rao, why does everyone want you to be fast and furious in your first class?

“Momma, you’re not helping. Please fly back home.” She huffs, but flies away. She thinks she can trick you, but you still can feel her watching you from afar. You also can hear Jamie’s muffled laugh in the back. And you can see your aunt is not exactly angry, but she sure looks annoyed.

You thought driving Kelly’s car would be better, but you were wrong. Yes, it’s an ugly minivan, but it’s your aunt’s car, not your mom’s. If you mess something up, you won’t forgive yourself. You put the car in P. Alex looks at you confused and you just open the door and get out.

“I quit. Can’t drive. Don’t need to drive. I can f*cking fly for f*cks sake!” And you do. You fly away leaving Jamie and Alex in the car. When you look down you realize you probably didn’t even drive 10 miles. You’re an embarrassment.

You fly home and Kara’s not there. Which is great because you know she was watching the whole thing and you cursed a bunch, both mentally and out loud.

“Hey babygirl.” Lena walks in home almost the same time Kara flies in through the window. “Honey.”

“Hey, love.” Your moms kiss and you look away from it. They are always very affectionate with each other, but today you don’t want to watch that.

“How was the driving lesson with Alex?” Lena asks and before you can even answer, Kara does it for you.

“She quit driving because she can f*cking fly.” Kara raises an eyebrow at you and soon Lena does the same.

“I did not quit driving.” You get up annoyed. “I quit driving a momvan with aunt Alex, but I would still very much like if you could teach me.”

Your moms just look at each other for a few seconds. They don’t have to talk to communicate, and you know that. So, you just wait in silence until they figure out what to do.

“Ok, baby. We’ll go driving on the weekend.” Lena agrees and you beam.

“And you’re not going to follow us, right?” You look at Kara and she pouts crossing her arms.

“I’m never invited to anything.” She pretends to be annoyed, making you and Lena smile. “Fine. I won’t watch. And you won’t curse.”

“I’m sorry?” You put on my best smile and she furrows her brows.

“Yeah right.”

So, Sunday comes along. You and Lena drive to the middle of nowhere just to be safe, even though you know you’ll drive at like 10 miles an hour, or maybe less. You trade places with her and sit on the driver’s seat feeling the car under you. You don’t mean to humiliate Kelly’s car, but man, you’re not even a driver yet and you already know this car will be much better.

“Hey.” Before you can do anything, Lena touches your hand. “You don’t have to be nervous. It’s just you and me in the middle of nowhere. If we scream your momma will be here in less than a minute.”

“Ok.”

“Great, so whenever you’re ready. Left to stop, right to go.” She says and at least you still remember that. “Put the car on drive, and press the right pedal.”

You do it. And once again you’re driving at 5 miles an hour. You look for any sign of boredom or annoyance in your mom’s face, but she is smiling at you. You keep going at this speed for five minutes and then you bore yourself. Which makes you press the pedal a little more. And then more. And when you look at the dashboard you see you’re at 30 miles an hour. It wasn’t that bad.

“Great. How are you feeling?” Lena asks and you beam.

“ALIVE!” You say making her chuckle.

“You literally have super speed, but ok.” She pats your shoulder. “Let’s try making a turn, shall we?”

And you make turns after turns, you speed up more, you learn how to drive in reverse, you learn how to park. And it’s all so simple, and fun. After a while you feel like the car is a part of you. Lena’s looking proud next to you and you are also very proud of yourself.

“Should we get momma in here?” You ask, stopping the car, and your mom agrees knowing exactly what that means.

“HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!” You both yell and not a minute later Kara is landing next to the car.

“What’s going on?” She looks at both of you in a parked car laughing your faces off at her, it takes her a while but she understands. “You know, you could’ve just called me on my phone.”

She gets in the car and you drive again. It’s great and feels freeing. Sure, it’s not as amazing as flying, but being able to see both of their faces after they realize their baby has grown is wonderful. And you can’t help a smile when you think about driving into the sunset with both of you awesome moms with you.

[anna-justice]

Lost or Found - 19

Summary: As Jay, Hailey, Kim, Adam and Kevin start their junior year in the wake of a tragic summer, the past year of their lives comes back to haunt them. If you enjoyed Pretty Little Liars, this is for you! *UPSTEAD/BURZEK High School AU

...

19 - You’re Mine Now ...

Hailey laughed loudly as Jay spun her around, they had been dancing with their friends for a while and she hadn’t stopped smiling since. Jay grabbed her hand, pulling her closer to him as they swayed. Despite not being able to feel her toes and a pounding headache, it was magical.

The loud music continued and Hailey felt warm breath against her neck. “I love you.” Jay whispered in her ear, only loud enough for the two of them to hear.

Hailey pulled away feigning shock. “Really? I had no idea.” She teased and Jay rolled his eyes and pulled her close, swooping down and capturing her lips with his. “I’m still not convinced…” Hailey said against him before kissing him again.

The pair was forced apart by an announcement from the stage, it was time to crown Homecoming King and Queen. Adam and Kim found their way to Hailey and Jay’s side to await the news. Kim and Adam were both on the court, and everyone agreed that either of them could use a win right now.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please help me welcome to the stage this years homecoming king: Kelly Severide.” One of the teachers called from the stage, and the crowd immediately erupted. Hailey followed her peers, clapping for her attacker. Jay wrapped a protective arm around her waist, his jaw clenched tight.

“Sorry babe.” Kim said, peering up at her boyfriend.

Adam shrugged, “It’s okay. I’m not surprised, it’s Severide.” He laughed, lightening the mood.

They four of them watched as the massive (quite ugly) crown was placed on his head. Jay scoffed, “What a king.” Hailey pushed herself further into him, squeezing the hand that wasn’t resting on her side.

“I’m okay. Don’t let him ruin tonight.” She said and Jay placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

“Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! This years homecoming queen: Sylvie Brett!” They all cheered loudly for their friend, watching a sheepish Sylvie make her way up the stairs to the stage. Matt stood right at the front, cheering for his girlfriend and his best friend: something he never thought he would do.

Jay’s pocket buzzed against Hailey’s hip, causing her to jump. He reached in, grabbing Jay’s attention and pulling out Erin’s phone.

BLOCKED ID: Sweet sweet Sylvie, finally finding her place in the popular crowd. It’s time for the princess to tell everyone who the real queen is. You know…

Jay’s head snapped up, scanning the crowd for anyone out of the ordinary. “Who ever this son of a bitch is, they’re here.”

“Kim.” Hailey said sadly, calling her and Adam over. Once she had their attention, she held up the phone.

Kim sighed, glancing towards the stage where a beaming Sylvie was posing for a photo. “Why does it have to be Sylvie?” She asked sadly.

“I’ll do it.” Adam said, taking her hand.

“No Adam.” Kim snapped, “You can’t. Remember what happened last time?” Hailey looked down at the scar popping out of the front of her dress. “We have to play their game.”

Hailey placed a hand on Kim’s shoulder. “We’ll wait for you by the door, we can high tail it out of here.”

Kim nodded, turning towards the stage. She booked it to the front, taking a deep breath before ascending the stairs. The crowd quieted down as she made it to the top, “Kim?” Sylvie asked, shocked.

“I’m so sorry.” Kim muttered before reaching and taking off her crown. The student body gasped and Sylvie looked so hurt that Kim couldn’t bear to look at her. “I chose to be on the Court last year...with Erin. We had been talking about it since freshman year, and today I stood in this room without her. We all know that if she would have been here, she would have won. And so I say we crown her queen, because she deserved it more than anyone and she deserves to be remembered.” With a shaky breath, Kim handed the crown back to Sylvie and rushed to her friends.

When they reached their cars in the parking lot, Kim broke down, Adam holding her tight as she cried. Hailey stayed tucked into Jay’s chest, hurting for her friend.

Buzz.

BLOCKED ID: You said all the right things Kim, but was it enough?

Jay read it aloud. “What?” Kim choked out. “How was that not enough? God, I can’t take this anymore. Erin wouldn’t have wanted this.” Kim grabs the phone out of Jay’s hand and smashes it on the ground.

“Kim!” Jay calls out right before she digs her heel into the cracked glass. “What did you do?”

Kim took a deep breath, “It’s over. We’re done. Loosing Erin was hard enough without someone torturing us. If they want to hurt us again, they can show their face.” Breathing hard, she stepped on the phone once again. “I’m sorry.” With that she climbed into Adam’s jeep, shutting the door.

Adam sighed, “We should probably head over to Kevin’s, tell him what happened.”

Jay nodded, grabbing Hailey’s hand. “Yeah, we’ll meet you there.”

The pair made their way to Jays truck, sighing as they hut the doors. “It’s been an eventful night.” Jay joked, trying to lighten the mood. Hailey just nodded, pressing her lips together. “Hailes?”

“She smashed the phone Jay.” She rushed out, looking at him with teary eyes for the third time that night. “She broke it, what are we going to do?”

“It’ll be fine.” Jay said, reaching across the center console to hold her hand.

“What if it’s not?” She snapped. “Jay you saw what happened last time. Kim could have died-”

“You could have died.” He said softly, cutting her off.

“Yeah…” She started, “Erin is dead and someone killed her. Kim just destroyed the only thing we have against them and the game keeping us safe. This person has to be psychotic, who knows what they’ll do.” As good as it felt to finally say all the things she had been thinking all along, it was a terrifying admission.

Jay watched a few tears fall from her eyes, his heart clenching. “We will get through this. I don’t know how, but I promise I will not let anything else happen to you.”

Hailey smiled at him, she didn’t know what else to say. She had learned a long time ago that there are some promises you can’t keep, and this one would prove to be the worst.

…

Thirty minutes later the four of them sat in Kevin’s living room, filling him in on the night they had. “So, Sylvie and Matt probably hate us and our stalker can’t easily contact us anymore?”

“Yeah, I’d say that about sums it up.” Adam said.

“Wow.” Kevin leaned forward on his knees, processing.

Jay piped up, “I also thought I saw Erin.” He said, causing Kevin to shoot up in his seat.

“You say Erin?” He asked.

“No,” Jay said cautiously. “I just thought I did, Kev, she’s dead.”

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Kevin sat there in shock, debating whether of not to tell his friends that Erin had contacted his sister. Well, at least someone pretending to be her did. “Guys, a few weeks ago I came home and found Vinessa playing with a doll that looked just like Erin.”

“What?” Kim asked, jumping out of her seat.

Hailey sat forward, “How did she even get it?”

“I don’t know…” He confessed, “But, right before I was about to leave to meet you guys Vinessa told me that my friends Erin had told her that she would see us soon.”

“Holy shit.” Adam said, running his hands down his face.

Kim ran her hands through her hair, pacing around the room. “What have I done? They already got to Vinessa, and they could still contact us! What did I do?” Adam immediately jumped up to comfort her, pulling her into him.

“This is insane.” Hailey said. “We’re seventeen, we aren’t old enough to handle this on our own. We need to get help.”

“And risk the rest of our families?” Kevin snapped.

“Hailey’s right.” Jay said. “We need to tell someone, maybe Hank? He can handle himself.”

“Of course you agree with her…” Kevin muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jay questioned, standing.

Kevin stood up to face him. “You will always take her side, you did it wth Erin and now you are doing it with Hailey.” He gestured to the two couples, “You guys have each other. Me? I have that little girl in there. And she is everything to me, so is Jordan. I have them to think about. I won’t risk bringing them anywhere closer to this!”

Jay clenched his jaw, “We will do our best to keep everyone safe, but I don’t see how this has anything to do with me and Erin.”

“This has everything to do with you and Erin! With all of us and Erin. This all started when you decided to look for her, you couldn’t give her up, but then all of the sudden Hailey swoops in and all that matters is her?” Kevin yelled, “Can you honestly tell me that if Erin was magically alive you wouldn’t go running back to her?”

“Kevin!” Kim shouted, he had crossed a line.

Hailey stared at Jay, awaiting his answer. “I wouldn’t, I love Hailey and how dare you say that I don’t.”

“I’m sorry Jay, it’s not like its your ex girlfriend that got us into this mess in the first place.” Kevin snapped, exasperated.

“Enough.” Kim shouted over them. “She was my best friend, she was our friend.”

“Was she though?” Kevin asked, softer this time.

“Kevin-” Adam started.

“No,” He said, cutting him off. “Erin was a master manipulator, to the point where someone hated her so much that they killed her. She destroyed people, she blackmailed people, she kept each of us around to make sure she stayed relevant. We were her perfect friends, her power. I don’t know how you all don’t see it. She almost blew up a teachers career and shamed Nadia out of town all because she felt threatened. She hated Hailey because Jay thought she was nice! Kim you were just a pawn-”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Adam shouted. “I wasn’t the biggest Erin fan ever, but this isn’t helping.”

“Adam’s right,” Hailey said, speaking for the first time in a while. “This is what they want, for us to tear each other apart. But guys, we are stronger and safer together.”

“To hell with together,” Kevin said, “If you all can’t see her for who she really was, you can get the out. I won’t sit here and pretend to miss a sociopath anymore.” With that, Kevin stormed out of the room, leaving the rest of them to blankly stare at each other.

“I want to go home.” Kim said quietly.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Jay said.

The four of them regrouped in the driveway, “Adam, I think we should all stay at Kim’s tonight. They have the space and I would feel better if we were all together.” Adam suggested.

“Me too.” Hailey agreed, running her hands up and down her arms. Jay noticed immediately, shugging off his coat jacket and throwing it open Hailey’s shoulders. “Thanks.” She said quietly.

“Hailey and I will swing by my house and then meet you there?” Jay asked.

Adam nodded, “Yeah, see you guys in a bit.”

The two couples went their separate ways, Hailey sighing at the warmth inside the truck. She glanced at the clock on the dash. It was almost midnight. “I’m so tired.” Hailey said, yawning.

Jay reached over his seat and grabbed a blanket off the back bench. “Here, go to sleep. I just want to run in for a change of clothes. I’ll wake you up when we get to Kim’s.”

“Thanks.” She said, smiling at him. She laid her head on the center console, pulling the fuzzy blanket over Jay’s jacket. Before too long she was fast asleep. Jay drove cautiously to his house, leaving the car running when he finally arrived. He was going in for just a few things, including a sweatshirt for Hailey, so he wasn’t too worried about leaving the truck unlocked.

When he reached his front porch, a figure in the chair by the door caused him to jump back. He froze as the person stepped into the dim light, he recognized the soft, almost apologetic, smile immediately. “Erin?”

“Hi, Jay.”

…

A/N: I finally posted! Honestly, I’m on a roll and I hope to post a few other new chapters this weekend! I want to finish this story by New Year’s, so be ready! Thanks for reading! <3

P.S. I went through my regular comments and added some people, I hope that’s okay!

@lissethsrojas @fuckyeahkillianemma @puckluck28 @chilly7188 @thebigapocalypsewolf @karihighman @ruzek-halstead @snowwhite013 @tracysupton @anotheronechicagobog

[witchygagirlwrites]

New Start

Request by @lifesaclimb-buttheviewisgreat (TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTION OF DOMESTIC ABUSE)

You took a deep breath before walking up the stairs leading into the twenty first precinct. This was a new start not only for you but for your son Lucas as well.

When you walked through the door sergeant Platt glanced up but when she was about to look away she did a quick double take "Y/N?" She was around the desk and pulling you into a hug. You felt a smile slip onto your face at seeing such a familiar and welcoming face first thing.

"Hey Trudy. How have you and Mouch been?" You asked once she pulled away. She stared at you for a moment before smiling herself "We're good. How have you been? I know you went to stay with your aunt in Rockford for a while" you nodded "Yeah but you know Chicago's home. She got a chance to move back here and since she works from home it's perfect to be able to leave Lucas with someone I trust. When I started sniffing around about transferring back Al gave me a call saying that Voight needed a slot filled in intelligence so here I am"

"Well you know if you need anything me and Randy are always here to help. You're with family here and you know we'll have your back" you knew that. Hell you wouldn't have been alive today had it not been for the crew at firehouse 51. "Are my prints already in to get upstairs or do you need to walk me up?" You asked motioning up the stairs. "They're in but if you don't mind I'd like to walk you up and maybe see some new pictures of Lucas since I haven't seen him in a while"

You handed your phone over opened up to the most recent album of Lucas. Trudy followed you up the stairs commenting on every photo along the way. Once the two of you made it up to the bullpen she handed your phone back right before everyone turned to look at you. Luckily you knew most everyone you'd be working alongside but as far as you knew only Trudy, Al and Hank knew the real reason as to why you'd up and left the city.

Jay and Adam were the first two to your side welcoming you back and to the unit. Then it was Kim and Kevin. Hailey Upton Jay's new partner introduced herself with a smile before Al pulled you into a hug "Welcome home kid" "Where's Hank and Detective Dawson?" You asked about the time Hank's voice answered from behind you "Right here"

You turned to see him and Antonio walking up the stairs. You smiled "Well look here my first official day and already beating the boss to work" Antonio cracked a smile at your words. Very few people got away with teasing Hank Voight. He shook his head "Keep it up and you'll already be my favorite" then he motioned to Antonio "You know Antonio don't you?" You nodded "We've worked together in passing when I was on patrol out this precinct"

"Well you'll be working together more than in passing now. You'll be partnered with him" you held your hand out and when Antonio shook it he said "Look forward to working with you"

--------------------

You fit in seamlessly with the unit. It came from years of knowing most of them and from the trust that you had for Al and Hank.

The biggest surprise was just how smoothly you and Antonio worked together. Like you'd told Hank when you were assigned to the twenty first as a patrolman you'd worked with all of intelligence in passing but working side by side with Antonio you got to know him a lot better. The two of you had quickly become good friends.

You were currently sitting next to Jay on top of Hailey's desk while Hank did a run down of the perp all of you were currently after. "Y/N you and Dawson will be undercover to do a gun buy. Far as he knows Antonio is a big player in the mexican cartel and you're his girl" you leaned around Jay and winked at Antonio "Why can't I be the player and you be the arm candy?"  "How's your spanish partner?" He asked with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes and said "Sé lo suficiente como para no atrapar una bala" Hailey covered her mouth with her hand and a grin slipped onto Jay and Adam's faces. "Let's try to do more besides not catching a bullet though?" Antonio suggested so you shrugged "Fine ruin all my fun. Just saying you would've looked better in the outfit"

--------------------

A few hours later you were standing in a warehouse waiting for the crime scene techs to roll on scene.

"Good job Y/N" Antonio said with a smile offering you your jacket from his car considering the outfit you'd had to wear to be convincing as a cartel members girlfriend wouldn't be your chosen style. "Thanks Toni. Still think you'd look better in this outfit" he tilted his head to the side looking over you and you felt your cheeks try to warm but pushed it down by laughing when he said "Don't think I got the legs for that"

Your phone started vibrating in the jacket pocket so you pulled it out to see it was your aunt. "I gotta take this" you told Antonio and walked outside nodding to a few officers you knew along the way.

"Is everything ok?" You asked as soon as you answered and heard your aunt let out a sigh "Yeah baby everything's fine. Lucas just refuses to go to sleep without hearing your voice" you smiled feeling the knot in your stomach release "Let me talk to him" you heard the phone shuffle a bit before Lucas said "Mommy?" "Hey little man. Aunt Ann said you wanted to talk to me. I'll be home in a couple hours and I promise I'll be there for breakfast ok?" "Ok. Love you" "Love you more" you heard him hand the phone back to Ann then run off. She laughed at something he did before saying "He just wanted to check in. I'll see you when you get home"  "See you then" you said and hung up.

"Lucas checking in?" Antonio asked from behind you. You turned with a smile "Glad he waited so long to call. Ann would've freaked if I hadn't answered. I need to get her Trudy's new number so if I'm out and can't answer" "I feel like there's something all of us besides Trudy, Hank and Al have missed" you ducked your head to not meet his gaze. Something about Antonio had put you at ease even back when you were in uniform going through hell at home. Now you were so grateful to not only him but all the guys in the unit for their nature.

"Maybe I'll end up telling you Dawson" he watched you for a second then nodding scratching at the bit of scruff on his chin from missing a shave "I've got Diego and Eva this weekend. Was thinking of going to the zoo. If you, Lucas and Ann want to come we'd be glad for the company"  you bit your lip considering his offer then nodded "Sounds good. Forewarning Lucas will probably not to leave the tigers" Antonio grinned "That was Diego's favorite when he was that age too"

---------------------

You were walking a bit behind Ann and the kids. She was in heaven pushing Lucas in his stroller and chatting with Eva and Diego. She always loved kids more than having to deal with adults.

"Having fun partner?" Antonio asked and you heard Lucas giggle when Diego handed him a stuffed tiger from the gift shop "Very much" you answered with a smile glancing at Antonio then took a deep breath "You've never asked about his dad" he stopped walking for a second and turned to look at you "Didn't figure it was my business. You'll tell me if you want me to know"

Ann looked back to see where you were and smiled when she saw you talking to Antonio "Y/N We're gonna head to the cafe and go ahead and grab a table" you nodded "We'll catch up" Eva took over Lucas' stroller and you watched them walk off then turned back to Antonio "Do you want to know?" You asked and he ran a hand across the back of his neck "I wanna know why you flinch at times if one of us guys goes to high five you yet you have no problem taking down a suspect heads taller than you. I wanna know why you hate when anyone close to you yells. Strangers I've noticed doesn't bother you but when Hank yelled last week I saw him look straight at you afterwards then he apologized later"

"My ex. Lucas' father was abusive. It started off verbal and emotional abuse. That turned physical sometime around my sixth month. When I was eight and a half months pregnant he hit me hard enough I blacked out. When I woke up the house was on fire and I was trapped. Had it not been for Kelly Severide and Joe Cruz me nor Lucas would be standing here today"

You hadn't realized you were crying until Antonio tentatively pulled you into his arms. When he felt you relax against his chest he started to gently rub your back. "Y/N You are such an amazing woman. You're one of the best cops I know and you're a fricking super mom to that little boy. He deserves to burn in hell for ever laying a hand on you" you laughed despite the tears in your eyes "He got life plus two. Not to mention Hank and Al knows some of the fellas he's in with" "Good" Antonio said then smiled down at you "Let's go find Ann and the kids cause Eva has my debit card and they very well might just leave us here"

You laughed and pulled away from him "Well is now a bad time to mention Ann has the keys to my car?"

--------------------

After that day your relationship with Antonio started to shift. You worked beautifully as partners still but there was something else there brewing under the surface. Maybe it was the fact that Lucas started wanting to talk to Antonio as well when he'd call before bed when you were working later. Or maybe it was how Eva and Diego started wanting to stay with their dad more and more half of the time ending up staying at your place with Ann and Lucas after Antonio cleared it with Laura once with a reply from her of "I don't care. If she's your partner her aunt must be ok"

--------------------

You were sitting cross legged on top of Antonio's desk working through the stack of files you were digging through. He'd went with Adam to meet a C.I. so you were doing the paper trail part. "When are you gonna admit you have a thing for him?" Hailey whispered leaning over you to grab a few more files "When you admit you have a thing for Jay" you responded laughing when she blushed darker red than your shirt and scurried back to her desk.

Did you have some confusing feelings for Antonio? Maybe. It just seemed like at every turn he was there to support any move you made.

When you chose to finally tell the rest of the unit why you'd left Chicago and what the scars on your left shoulder was from he'd stood next to you. When Lucas got sick a few weeks after that he'd come to med and stayed with you until Lucas was released then went to pick up his medicine so you could take him straight home. When Eva got her heart broke because her boyfriend broke up with her Antonio had called you at her request and didn't seem the least bit put off by her wanting you to comfort her.

Somewhere along the line you'd crossed a line and didn't have any clue what to do about.

--------------------

Another week passed and your thoughts hadn't changed a lot. In fact the feelings for Antonio had seemed to grow deeper. You just had no clue how he felt.

You were sitting on the side of Lucas' bed next to him reading the book he'd chosen to him. "Mommy?" He asked and you smiled "Yeah baby?" "Do you like Toni?" You stared open mouthed at your three year old. "How do you mean baby? I mean he's my friend and my partner" "No I mean can Toni be my daddy?" You were speechless for a few seconds then finally managed to say "Lucas baby that's a loaded question little man" "I like Toni" he said with a yawn then scooted further down in his bed and you knew that meant he'd be out soon.

You turned off his bedroom light then walked in the living room where Ann was watching a movie. She glanced up when you walked in then paused the movie "Y/N? You're pale sweetheart. Come sit down"

You sat heavily next to her and was quiet for several long seconds until she finally said "Dammit tell me what's wrong?" You repeated what Lucas said and she cracked up laughing "And that surprises you? For months now every weekend and half the weekdays Eva and Diego end up staying here. They're spending so much time with Lucas Eva's phone background is a selfie with her and both boys. I have seen you come back. My niece the beautiful, strong woman who's went through hell is finally smiling again, you sleep most nights, you don't flinch when you hear a firetruck. You're healing and I think some of that is the very loud fact that you're in love with Antonio and him with you even if you haven't admitted it to each other or yourselves"

You let her words sink in and felt the truth of them like a weight being pulled off your shoulders "What the hell am I supposed to do?" She shook her head with another laugh "If what Eva says is true he'll tell you eventually how he feels because apparently he talks about you to the kids like a lot"

---------------------

You tried not to let Ann's words get to you too much. You still had to keep your head on straight. A couple more weeks passed and everything changed.

The raid was supposed to be simple enough but somehow you and Kevin got pinned down in the back of a building with bullets raining down on you.

By some miracle the situation was able to be contained with no one ending up dead. You were standing next to Kevin recounting what had went down for Hank when you spotted Antonio heading your way. Hank went to talk to one of the scene techs and Kevin walked off to talk to Al so you turned to face Antonio who pulled you into a crushing hug.

"Toni you good?" You asked against his chest and he nodded "Yeah I am now" you pulled back to look at him and saw the worry in his eyes and realized that was for you. "I'm ok partner" you assured him and he nodded "I'm glad. I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost you" "Antonio?" You said it like a question but Hank was calling both of you so he said "Can we talk after shift?" You nodded then followed him over to Hank.

--------------------

When your shift ended you walked downstairs and was leaning against your car when Antonio made it to the parking lot. "It's after shift" you said as soon as you saw him and he shook his head "Not here. Let's go grab a coffee. I already told Ann" you rolled your eyes at him and your aunt teaming up on you. "Fine but we gotta stop by the bakery and get Lucas something plus you can grab some muffins since Eva and Diego will be at your place tomorrow" He smiled and said "Sounds good"

--------------------

You sat across from Antonio watching as he stirred his coffee. The two of you were sitting in a corner booth of your favorite coffee shop and he'd done everything but talk. When he reached to stir his coffee again you laid your hand over his to stop any movement. His eyes went from your hand up to your face and he smiled "I said we'd talk didn't I?" "Yes you did" you replied.

He let out a breath then dove right in "Y/N since you became my partner. Everything is better. I look forward to seeing you every day. I meant it when I said you're an amazing woman. You and Lucas mean the world to me. I couldn't imagine my life without you and him in it. Hell i think Eva and Diego would disown me for you and him at this point. Today? You and Kev getting caught like that and me not being able to get to you? It clarified something I already knew"

"And that would be?" You asked your heart beating in your throat at this point. You saw a blush work it's way up his face to his ears before he said "I think I'm in love with you" you were stunned silent. Did he really mean that?

He mistook your silence for something else and went to stand up "It doesn't have to change our friendship I'll still be there for you and Lucas and I hope you'll be there for Diego and Eva especially since I just got full custody but I just needed to tell you" you snapped out of it fast enough to grab his hand and pull him back to you "Antonio wait!" He met your eyes and must have liked what he saw there because a smile slipped onto his face "I love you too. Lucas loves you too and I will always be there for Diego and Eva"

"Does that mean I can finally kiss you?" He asked his eyes flicking down to your lips then back up. You didn't try to hide your smile when you said "I'd be offended if you didn't"

-------------------------

Three years passed and you were sitting in front of the fireplace on Christmas morning watching the kids open presents. Diego was showing Lucas how to work his video games while Eva snapped photos of her brothers on her new phone.

"Is that all?" Antonio asked from his position next to the tree and you cut your eyes at Eva "Want to grab that last one for your dad?" She nodded and grabbed Lucas' hand "C'mon Luca let's go get daddy his present" Antonio cut his eyes at you when all three kids disappeared "What'd you do?" You grinned "you'll see"

They came back with Eva carrying the present but she handed it to Lucas to give Antonio then sat next to you leaning her head over on her shoulder. Antonio looked a bit suspicious until he tore open the package and his eyes teared up. Inside was the paperwork you'd gotten a week before where Lucas' adoption had become final. "Lucas Dawson" he said quietly then laid it to the side "C'mere buddy" and Lucas jumped into his arms with a laugh "You're officially my daddy!"

You felt Diego and Eva both hug you "And we love you like a mom Y/N" you smiled at your little family then said "I couldn't love any of you more than I already do"