#he's such a FRUIT

[faghettiandmeatballs]

Gortash's lil bow in full because I'm obsessed

[mckinleygirl98]

An excerpt from "The Captain", my Civil War story that's kinda depressing. it continues under the cut but yeat

APRIL 12th. 1865. 

I nervously approached the little old house. I was clutching the captain’s hat in my hands. The great plume, the foppish peacock ornament, the feather that made Captain Conway’s precious hat, was still drooping over the brim, despite the busted-up nature of the silly old hat itself. It made me feel sick to see the ends of it charred. Too bad. “Too bad.” 

 The small, shoddy house was falling apart too. I was afraid to knock on the door with too much force. But I did. 

It took a few moments. The humid air hung thick and still, as if the Earth were holding her breath.  

When the door, more like a wooden plank, swung open, I was met with a tall, thin woman. There was the shouting and clamoring of a family inside, the good kind that made your heart feel warm.  

The woman herself had tired eyes. Every premature wrinkle in her pretty face showed she’d been plagued with an impenetrable weariness since the war began. She was skin and bone, pale and wan, and it was difficult to believe she had once been the captain’s wife. I clutched the hat in one sweaty hand, and the documents in the other- the paper was beginning to give out in this type of weather. A look of surprise crossing her sleepy features- (everyone in that little old town being sleepy) she didn’t seem to get visitors often.  

A man, just as weary looking, appeared beside her and laid a calloused hand on her shoulder. The house itself was small, but the property spread for acres and acres. They were farmers.  

It was difficult to believe this humble, hard-working woman was once the wife of flamboyant Captain Augustus Conway.  

“Sir,” I murmured, bowing quickly and politely, “Ma’am.”  

“What do you want from us, soldier?” the man said. He was moving toward a spot beside the door, muttering something about a gun. I had a heart palpitation. “We ain’t no secesh- “ 

“Remember, the war is over, sir,” I told him, “It would not matter if you were. My name is Private Ellis Hansley, Tenth New York State Militia, and I am here to speak to your wife.” 

The woman looked up at her husband and nodded. He hesitated, but she said, “George,” in a strained voice, and he returned into the home, leaving us alone. “Has something happened?” she asked quickly, “I don’t recall any of my brothers going to fight in the war.” 

“I was… curious, ma’am, if you knew a certain Captain Augustus Conway?”  

She frowned, narrowing her eyes. “Who are you?” 

“I-“ 

Now the lady was angry, gritting her teeth, flying into a fit, “Who do you think you are, boy? You never mention that haughty, pompous West Pointer to my face again so long as you’re alive! Oh-h-h, you go boil your shirt! Go! I’ve had enough-“ 

She paused to catch her breath, gasping with pure rage.  

“I hate him! That good-for-nothing, pretentious, stuffy, self-important, vain, high-falutin’, swaggering, know-it-all, proud-“ 

“He’s dead,” I interrupted rudely. 

“Oh my God,” she said.  

She clutched her heart with one hand and rubbed her face with the other. “Oh, Christ almighty, have mercy on his soul.” Her eyes welled up with tears. “You must be playing me for a fool,” she whispered. 

Tears filled my eyes too. I glanced down at the plumed hat. I could smell the char. I could smell the blood. “I wish I was, ma’am. But- but, he’s gone, he’s been dead two years.”  

“Two years.” Captain Conway’s ex-wife sobbed, her new husband rushing to the door. His face, his eyes, were wild with shock, and he gave me an accusing glance. 

 I slumped defeatedly. 

 She stumbled backward, collapsing into his chest. “He’s been dead two years, George. He’s dead. Oh, my God, George, he’s gone! We didn’t even know he was gone! Gone!” 

George shook his head. “It’s a damn shame. He was a good, brave boy.”  

I held out his hat for her to hold. She wouldn’t take it. George wouldn’t accept it either. “You keep it, son. You must have known him better than anyone else did.” 

My lips quivered. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, you were his friend, and that is something to be accomplished.” 

The air was very hot now, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at the crying woman. It pained me in the very center of my heart, which, contrary to popular belief, had grown more tender in the horrors of war. I took a shaky breath. I could hardly breathe the air, hell, I could hardly breathe. There was a lump in my throat the size of a boulder. 

“No, no,” I managed, “He was a good man, sir. He was the greatest man you’ll ever meet. The things that made him terrible just made him greater.” 

George chuckled sadly.  

“I’m sorry, kid. I don’t even know what that means. Now get the hell off of my porch before I shoot you deader than Captain Conway.” 

rip captain c you shoulda been in the club

[bruciemilf]

Anyway, thinking about how Bruce’s mom tendencies bleed over around the League.

He pulls out a Barbie pink scrunchie from his endless utility belt.

Oliver is very sure he’s seen it in Spoiler’s blonde mane before. He wordlessly secures Diana’s hair in a ponytail before she jumps into battle.

Barry skins his knee while running, which, considering, is pretty severe. Definitely not the kind of wound you can treat with Gray Ghost bandages.

“I’m NEVER taking this off.”

“Okay, gross?”

“Shut up, Hal, you don’t even wash your suit, you just make a new one every time!”

“I’m allergic to laundry detergent, everybody knows that, BARRY.”

Bruce does not tolerate their fighting for more than 15 minutes at a time. “I will count to 3.”

Hal is quite literally flabbergasted when, after a particularly rough mission, Batman walks over to him and gently places a plate of fruits before him.

“Hal,” in that rain soft voice. “Fruit.”

“…Thanks?”

He just walks off. Like it’s nothing.

“…Did he just do something nice for me? Everybody saw that, right? You’re all witnesses. “

Everyone’s equal parts shocked and equal parts losing their shit. Clark’s eyes are just slightly red.

“I need to take a nap.”

[myiliterallyhavenolifegoals]

the fact that Edwin lived in the early 1900s is a fantastic source of comedic potential. he's just constantly saying things that he doesn't realise are completely batshit insane, and the others are just left utterly floored.

like they're all talking and Crystal mentions she's tried cocaine once on a wild night out, and Edwin, who used to get that shit medically prescribed at the drop of a hat is like ??? okay?? hope you felt better, it always used to help me when I had a cold too :) Charles why are you laughing?

[artkaninchenbau]

People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again

[thekaiserroll]

AU where Sanji ate the clear clear fruit.

[sir-dahlia]

at the dangerous market..........buying groceries lethally......

original idea by @ctrl-alt-deleting-yr-face

[fruittt-punchhh]

(18+, toji smut ahead)

was thinking about sleepy! toji all night lowkeyyyyy

like when he gets home and he’s so tired he doesn’t even greet you, just grumbles and huffs like the old man he is??? kicks off his stupid boots and takes off his sweaty shirt as he draaaaags his feet to the couch??

sleepy! toji who needs comfort in a way only you can give. so tired he doesn’t tell you what to do and doesn’t ask either.

sleepy! toji who grabs your ankles, pulling your legs sideways on the couch before he finds place between them, stomach flat on the couch as he takes in your scent through the panties he bought you last week.

sleepy! toji who pulls your panties to the side just enough to get his tongue on you, diving nose first into your heat as he drinks straight from the source.

sleepy! toji who’s too tired to care what he looks like, all sweaty and mangled from work, his face buried in your cunt just how he pictured earlier in his shift - the pure filth that he was tainting the beautiful image of you, lost in pleasure with your soft skin all blushed and slick with sweat, just for him.

sleepy! toji who’s even too tired to care what he sounds like, moaning like the slut he is at heart as he enjoys his long-awaited meal.

sleepy! toji who gives you no time to recover after your orgasm, pushing your legs up by your face before he pulls his heavy cock through his zipper.

sleepy! toji who fucks you rough into the couch in missionary - not a usual contender on his list of favorite positions. his words are slurred, all drunk and dazed from his exhaustion - “let me see my pretty girl’s face, yeah?” he says after you cover your face in your arms, embarrassed at the display of intimacy that was usually absent.

sleepy! toji who still, at his most intimate, has you arching off the couch with each orgasm as you scream cries of his name, leaving you feeling so loved and simultaneously so fucked out of your mind.

sleepy! toji who’s noises are so much more present than usual, moans all drawn-out and loud as he loses himself in your sex. he begs you to cum again for him with a ‘please’, a word you haven’t heard from him in months.

sleepy! toji who’s fully gone now, panting out breathy praises as he watches you take all of him so well.

“so fuckin’ good, honey”

“take me - mmph, so well”

“this pretty.. fuckin’ cunt’s gonna.. make me cum,”

“jesus… christ, y/n”

sleepy! toji who pumps his load deep into your guts, still fucking you with lazy drags of his hips as he stares at you, lip bitten and eyes hooded before he pushes into you fully to give you a kiss goodnight.

(sleepy! toji who actually finds a towel for you first this time, stripping his remaining clothes with a ‘you comin’, baby?’ as he heads upstairs)

(sleepy! toji who is def the lil’ spoon tonight)

[huang-er-jiejie]

i. i just realised something about the kiss.

the way when aziraphale puts both of his hands on crowley's back, you can see them kinda shift so aziraphale isn't leaning. he held onto crowley for stability, and leaned in. pushed closer to him. he leaned forward. anyone ever says he didn't want the kiss im going to hunt you down because HE HELD CLOSE!!! HE KISSED BACK!!!!

EDIT: also im like WELL aware he kissed back i was even when i first watched it like its not a big revelation, its just that SOME people☠️ on TIKTOK☠️ KEEP SAYING HE WAS DISGUSTED BY THE KISS???? like i swear some people are watching a different show entirely

[fluffyartbl0g]

I know this probably sounds crazy,,, but i used to wear a hat almost exactly like that one!!!

WUH?! THAS INSANE!!!!

[habken]

dawg is Not contributing to the conversation once bit!! He's too busy playing subway surfer

[time-woods]

there wont be a beach episode but there will be a creek episode anyways strawberries !

(this is like the 4th time ive made a nod to the fact Carma just folds as soon as Sīdus is anywhere near his shoulders(( but yea hes getting better at displaying affections

[fruitytboy]

trans guy holding your head in place while he humps against your face with his dick in your mouth 🥴💕

[qifreyplushie]

to wuming, hua cheng, san lang;

happy birthday, dearest a-hong. 🦋💘

DESSERT LATER !!!!!!!! 🧹🧹🧹🧹🧹🧹🧹(WHACK WHACK WHACK)

[livstarlight]

I changed my mind about the headcanon of Zoro kissing Sanji right after defeating Mihawk and becoming the world's greatest swordsman. No, I have one better. Zoro yes defeating Mihawk and getting the title BUT instead of... you know, kissing Sanji, he full blown proposes.

"Cook!"

"What?!"

"Marry me!"

"... excuse me WHAT?"

"I said marry me!"

"What the fuck are you on, mosshead! Did Mihawk hit your head too hard or something?"

"I'm serious, cook! I am the best in the world, you can't not marry me."

"How... how does that have to do with anything... THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PROPOSE TO SOMEONE YOU DUMBASS."

All of this with Zoro completely dripping in blood and Sanji screaming his heart out while everyone just watches completely dumbfounded.

"WHAT? DID YOU WANT FLOWERS OR SOMETHING?"

"WELL A LITTLE EFFORT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE YES. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WOOING YOU BRUTE-"

Usopp is the only one who dares to speak: "Is he... is he considering it... they are not even together..."

[ilivelikeimtrying]

Bro just look at him

Like- c'mon

He's so girlypop I just can't😭 LOOK AT HIM

Like ummmm okay Disney princess🙄🙄🙄🙄 Are you about to break into your first act "I want" song???🙄🙄🙄 WHAT IS THIS DUDE WHY ARE YOU SO FRUITY AHZJJAJZjsjjjajaj