#he's so fun to eviscerate and try to understand

[beevean]

hiii i dont really have anything to say this is just an invitation to ramble if you ever want to. for freebies. talk at me ill take notes. rattle on about anything ill be quite gleeful about it. this is your free talking ticket (not that you need one per se but i thought the note that i like reading about your thoughts might be nice if nothing else)

Awwwww I appreciate the free ticket a lot 🥰 you're right, it's always nice to have confirmation that others care about your ramblings, so thank you :3

I'm using it because brain got stuck on a random thing: while I was in my phase of gorging on CoD fanfics, I found interesting how different fans interpreted the in-universe reasons for Isaac's appearance.

(sir. sir why do you look so good in a random ass mobile game)

He clearly cares a lot about how he appears. He styles his hair in a certain way, he wears eyeliner (red eyeliner that matches his hair even, which implies he put thought into the best color), he wears impractical but stylish high heels, and in the MF manga he's shown having long nails: while I interpret this as him striving to imitate vampire claws, it still would take a lot of manteinance, and he even hides them under his gloves. I have also pointed out that in PtR his uniform is kept more prim and proper than Hector's, weirdly enough. And with the exception of his uniform for obvious reasons, Isaac still puts care in his appearance after going insane with the Curse.

But what does it say about him?

Some fans seems to simply think he's kind of a peacock. He's vain, he's flamboyant, he knows he's the hot stuff, maybe he's really trying his hardest to hit on Hector lmao. It fits with his arrogant attitude. Maybe he's even a bit of a perfectionist/tryhard: he doesn't need to waste time putting on eyeliner, but damnit, he wants to look his best to work. A king, if you ask me.

Others seem to think it's a sad form of overcompensation. Isaac is not particularly pretty, especially compared to the very beautiful Hector. He has traits that others might see as ugly, like slanted eyes, a large mouth and a big nose. Even worse, while silver hair is obviously unnatural but can be seen as fascinating, red hair in that era was 100% seen as the mark of the devil - and Isaac's red is bright, attracts even more attention. It's not impossible that Isaac was abused for how he looked like, and has some sort of complex about it. In fact, we all know Isaac is the incarnation of the inferiority superiority complex: he has an arrogant, cocky attitude, but he's also extremely insecure about himself, his skills, and being seen as second best/not good enough. So maybe he spent most of his childhood hiding and being ashamed of himself, but now in the place where he truly belongs he has rebounded in the opposite direction: oh, you think I'm unsightly? Have all of me in glorious display! You think my hair marks me as a demon to extirpate? Why yes, I am a demon, and I'm not letting you forget it!

With this mentality, no wonder he'd cover himself head to toe in demonic tattoos that prove his utter loyalty to Dracula, and no wonder that, after he dies, he lets his clothes rot off his back to show even more of his self. He has nothing to hide anymore.

And he still wants to hit on Hector, obviously :P

[bananami]

A little couple's trivia with Nanami proves that he knows you all too well.

I did use the term wife and she/her pronouns just as a brief cw. The whole thing is just fluff. Nanami is in love with you. That's the whole things.

(I am delulu and in love with this man. Hope this helps us all heal. He is alive and well and no one can convince me otherwise. Also I love including Gojo's dumbass in everything. Also Yuji is a sweetheart and Nanami's son basically.)

"Please?" You're practically begging your husband, who doesn't seem to be budging.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Yeah Nanamin-"

"Don't call me that." Nanami cuts Gojo off immediately.

"But Yuji calls you that!"

"That's different." He glares at the white haired man like he's trying to eviscerate him with just his eyes. "And I'm not playing some stupid game just to prove how well I know my wife." He tries to pay attention to the paperwork in front of him again, wanting to finish it before 5pm. Because there was no way he was working overtime again today.

"Scared?" Gojo baited him. "Afraid I'm gonna ask you a question that's just too hard?"

"Gojo, there is nothing you could ask me about my wife that I wouldn't be able to answer."

A few of the students sat around watching the two go back and forth, inevitably waiting for Nanami to either get so annoyed that he walked away, or to take the bait. They hoped for the latter.

"Prove it! Or you forfeit your marriage."

"That's not how that works."

"C'mon Nanamin, it's just a game." Yuji gives the blonde sorcerer a sincere smile, hoping to lighten the mood and sway his decision just a bit.

"Don't call him Nanamin, Yuji- OW." Gojo is cut off as Nanami reaches over and smacks him in the head with the papers in his hand.

"Don't tell him what to do." Nanami sighs and rubs at his temple. He looks at the clock, then at you. It's the look in your eyes that gives way to his final decision. "Fine. You have until that clock reads 5, and then I'm taking my wife and we're going home."

Gojo wastes no time. "Who is your wife's favorite person? And think before you say yourself because-"

"Itadori. Next question."

"I'm your favorite person?!" Yuji jumps from his seat, latching his arms around you for a hug. It's obvious from the way that you smile and hug him back that Nanami is probably definitely right. You had a soft spot for the kid since you met him, playfully telling everyone that you and Nanami had basically adopted him since he arrived at Jujutsu High. Nanami would probably never verbalize it, but you could tell he felt the same about the boy.

"Ok, ok. Next question." Gojo thought hard before coming up with it. "How does your wife take her coffee?"

"She doesn't drink coffee."

"Yes she does, I bring her some like every morning."

"And she gives that coffee to me because she doesn't like it."

"You're telling me I've been buying you coffee this entire time?"

"I make her tea every morning when we get to work. You hand her the coffee, we trade cups. I don't understand how you've stared right at us when we do it and you somehow haven't noticed."

"Ok, then what tea does she drink?"

"Earl Grey, three sugars, a little bit of milk at the top. She'll say she's ok with English Breakfast or Lady Earl Grey if they're out of the regular. She's not, she's just being polite. She'll drink half and throw it away when she thinks no one is looking."

Gojo groans, not having as much fun as he thought he was going to at the beginning of all of this. "And I just bet you have a contingency plan for when your wife doesn't get her tea, don't you?"

"Of course I do," he ignores the even louder groan from Gojo, "I walk across the street to the cafe that sells her favorite pastries and I buy her five because I know that she'll want to share with her students and she'll try to split one with me even if I refuse. They have teabags they leave out so long as you're ordering something. Earl Grey, always in stock."

"Adorable." Gojo rolls his eyes.

"You're so smart, Nanamin!" Yuji jumps in. "Let me ask one! What's her favorite color?"

"Yuji, that's too easy."

"Yellow."

"Ohhhh, mine too," Yuji says, "why yellow?"

"Because it's-" Nanami stops mid-sentence and looks at the clock, like it will give him an excuse. Almost. "We don't need to worry about the why, that wasn't the original question."

Gojo perks up, clearly realizing he'd struck a nerve. And he was ready to work it. The red dusting across Nanami's cheeks told him everything he needed to know. "Are you embarrassed, Nanami?"

"Shut up, Gojo."

"Or do you just not know the answer? It's ok if you don't, I guess you just don't know your wife as well as you thought you did."

"If you don't stop talking, I'm going to tell everyone about the one time in high school when you and Geto got caught in the-"

"OK!" Gojo turns back to the students and motions them toward the door. "Time to go! Don't you all have something better to do? Go be little trouble makers somewhere. Go TP Yaga's lawn or something. Get out of here."

He'd ushered everyone out except Yuji, who stayed behind to wait for you and Nanami. The boy shyly looked away as you kissed Nanami's cheek before standing up, stating you just needed to grab your bag before you could leave.

Yuji waited for you to exit the room before he asked. "Is it because of your hair?"

Nanami sighs. "What makes you think that?"

Yuji just shrugs. "She loves you. Answers don't always need a complex reason."

Nanami can't help the smile that graces his face. "You're a smart kid sometimes, you know that?"

"That's why I'm her favorite!" His goofy nature is back in an instant. "Can I come over for dinner again tonight?"

"Of course you can."

"Can I stay over?"

"If you'd like to."

"Can I pick the movie we watch?"

"Don't push your luck."

[suguru-getos]

Could you write a continuation of yandere satosugu where the reader lived and they try everything to help her get better and care for her?

| making up for mistakes | yandere satosugu x reader |

-> continuation of the first part: link 🔗

you had survived the almost suicide attempt you so carefully & yet so carelessly attempted. you were sure you weren’t getting up after this. damn it you made sure to hit your head hard, you could see blanks, you could see stars in your eyes until it all faded to a peaceful nothing-ness.

now, you’re awake again. nothing hurts. you know they must’ve told their friend shoko to aid in your injuries. you feel like you’ve woken up from a long slumber. unwanted as it may be… it does make you feel eerily refreshed. you stretch your limbs from the bed, they’re going to kill you for this. kill you for hampering with their property. oh well — at this point you’re fine with it. what’s it going to do? hurt you. pain is all there is they could ever offer anyways. maybe you can scream out and wish it gets over. that’s all you set your mind to.

you look to the side, the curtains are open and there is a little drizzle of snow. it brings a smile to your face. what if you hadn’t been kidnapped? it would’ve been so fun to hop into one of the lovely cafes you like & order some hot cocoa. put both your hands and wrap them around the ceramic of the hot cup and exhale in utter relaxation of the aroma the sweet cafe has to offer. oh… happy days.

its nauseating what your life is now, wrapping a blanket around yourself and checking down below. you are wearing clothes, decent clothes… not the sultry, slutty ones that satoru forces you to wear. you feel like you could throw up when the reminder occurs again. beaten up like you were nothing but an animal, throwing up in pain and anxiety--

"there we go! princess! awake! oh my god!" satoru comes in and hugs you tightly, his bulky arms wrapping against you, he doesn't let your mind have the time to panic. besides, satoru was... not the one who inflicted you that pain. even though he did nothing about it, in a moment of pure misery, your mind would latch on to him for comfort. "baby- you scared daddy, please don't do that ever again. fuck! i thought i lost you." you could hear the heartbeats on your snow haired man, they were ragged and reminded of the same panic you once bore.

"sorry." your eyes lack all emotions, just a soft murmur escaping you. the haunting realization that you were alive was eating you up. even so, it was your soul that had died. it's the dejected way you answered that makes satoru panic even more. immediately at your knees, leaning against your thighs and mumbling soft apologies, tears wetting your skin. "please baby, I'm so sorry, i should never have let that happen... you did a mistake that's all! you- you- pissed us off." he shakes his head, hugging you tightly.

your hands robotically landed across his hair, caressing. "it's okay, i did wrong, i understand."

your responses were making him nauseous, he hated seeing you in pain, but suguru always says its something that's needed. why is it needed? you're not an animal, are you? the ways with which satoru and suguru try to 'discipline' their toy they are delusional enough to call their lover is insane.

"i got breakfast, little one." now, your heart sinks. you hear the voice of the man who did this to you, mothering, now that his rage is faded into pure, eviscerating guilt. "you have no idea the joy it gives me seeing you awake." suguru hums, and you latch onto satoru, hugging him tightly. satoru's heart skips a beat. this was not the first time you had reached out to him, yet, you did it by your own. it gives him a sick sense of protectiveness. "he wouldn't do anything to ya baby, suguru loves you too." he reminds, looking at a devastated suguru.

"please don't hurt yourself again, angel" suguru hums, leaning in and kissing your forehead. it makes you sick to your stomach, how they treat you right now. you know that whatever you did yielded no results. and they are ever so careful about the same. you're pretty sure you'd have either of them by your side at all times.

"let's go and eat, suguru's made your favorite!" satoru chirps, happily holding you princess-style and going to the dining area. your eyes wandered to the other room on the way, the same room where this all happened, it's making you panic internally. the grotesque reminder of how they treated you. you're about to throw up again.

as soon as satoru puts you down, you run to throw up in disgust, nothing comes out except a few drops of water. your stomach is empty as is. a large, looming hand caresses your back. "I'm sorry, angel. please relax." suguru-- it's suguru...

"i'm sorry." you answered, "i am so sorry." you nodded to get back to the dining area, you should know better than to be with satoru. its not like suguru wouldn't do anything he wants anyways... you'd just like to have some comfort over it.

luckily for you, the breakfast went fine, you were eating quietly, while satoru just observed you. how uncomfortable you looked, the subtle shift in your demeanor. every tiny thing. suguru is essentially doing the same, gazing at your way and observing you. "you look beautiful." suguru comments, and you force a smile from the deepest pits of your psyche. "thank you, suguru."

you know he's ticked off, you need to call them 'daddy' and you're here, addressing them by their first names. sigh... they just have to help you heal, there isn't anything they can do about it really. they pushed you this far, and they should make up for it.

however, as days turn into weeks, satoru and suguru are forced to face the haunting realization that your mental and physical health is worsening. you barely eat, barely talk... you just, stare into the nothingness of empty spaces. satoru has avoided missions to take care of you. he is by your side, sleeps next to you, kisses your forehead, helps you take a shower. while earlier, you tried to at least pretend and work with it. answer however you could, talk to them, fake your smiles, now its nothing. you barely talk.

this time, satoru has a mission to take care of, but suguru is the one who's spending time with you. gently placing you on the bathtub, caressing your forearm, massaging it, decorating it with petals. "there we go little girl, there we go. feels nice?" he coos, and when you don't respond, sighs weakly. he wishes he could at least hear something out of you. when he sees you immersed in auto-pilot, he hums by himself; "yes, yes it is." he has to talk to himself in hopes that its you talking to him. "you know, me and satoru... we were thinking a trip to Italy sounds nice, or maybe Paris.." you used to love travelling, he hopes that would utter out a response from you. NOTHING comes out of you however. that makes suguru's heart break a little, "or maybe, anywhere that you like." he hums, sighing.

"angel?" he asks softly, leaning in and kissing your neck, maybe that would at least earn some leaning back. your resistance...

none.

"talk to me for fucks sake!" suguru snarls, glaring hard at you. you don't even flinch at that, contrary to your earlier flinching and tweaking. a sigh escapes him and then comes bubbling tears. he has truly fucked you up. the haunting realization finally hits him. he can't live with it anymore... it's choking the very fiber of his being.

the rest of the shower passes by in a haze, and suguru is quiet, tears dripping from his face. "what should i do so that you become normal again?" he asks again, pouting and begging with his eyes. no response...

he gets up after tucking you in bed. the dark circles in your eyes are an explicit example of how less you're sleeping. sometimes you wake up with irritating nightmares, screaming and crying. that's the only moment when satoru and suguru are welcomed by your affections.

suguru sighs, he needs to win you this time. or maybe... what's that called? stockholm syndrome?

or maybe, he needs to discuss with satoru about erasing your memory...

or maybe, he needs a curse that can shove your memory off and then they can date you.. from scratch...

either way, they're not leaving you. anytime soon.

[messiahzzz]

as much as i dislike the dialogue option that leads to this scene, i genuinely appreciate gale's response. it is easy to overlook what he is actually trying to convey here and is instead commonly dismissed as him being "overdramatic" or as a display of his bruised ego.

player: it was fine. gale: i see. gale: well, fine is... fine. nobody weeps because the weather is fine. no monarchs were overthrown because their ruling was fine. no artworks were burned because they were not masterpieces, but merely fine. player: would you have rather i lied? gale: the dignified thing for me to say is 'no. of course not. forthrightness before all.' but honestly? yes... i would have rather you lied. gale: i'm just a man. an imperfect one, with needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel. a fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power. gale: perhaps it would be better to not shake such a vessel. gale: forgive me. these were already trying times before elminster delivered his missive. now, for me at least, they are potentially end times.

gale is no stranger to introspection. despite having his natural blindspots, he is fully aware of his flaws and imperfections. he lacks an inherent sense of self-preservation, displays impatience on occasion, can be hypocritical, has trouble handling pointed criticism well, and has a tendency to respond in passive aggression if he feels his competence is brought into question. he seeks admiration and is known to not honor his limitations and own safety for the sake of receiving praise.

gale: [...] people have always commented on my confidence, sometimes my over-confidence, and in one particularly cut throat assessment at university - my 'abject and incorrigible self-delusion.'

gale is not blind to how he is perceived by others, nor does he dismiss their conclusions without careful consideration. instead of deflecting he simply takes what they dish out and files it away for later contemplation and inspection.

player: because you acted the idiot. and paid the price for it too. gale: as always, i endeavor to be invigorated by your candour, rather than eviscerated by it. gale: blunt as your summation is - it's correct. i dared to call myself an archmage while acting the apprentice. the hallmarks of a most excellent idiot, unfortunately.

player: i can't say i share the same high opinion of you, gale. gale: always bringing such candour to our conversations. some would think twice about mocking gale of waterdeep, but you just go straight for the gut. nodecontext: playing along, making fun of himself gale: i like that about you. it's one of your rarer qualities, though i fear my ego can take no more of it tonight. nodecontext: cheerfully accepting the brush off, not taking it personally

needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel.

gale craves as mortals do. for relevance, safety, consideration, loyalty, care, acceptance, and love. he's desperate, he's angry, he's petty and hurt and lonely. he's contradictory, and at times inconsistent. he's afraid, he stumbles, he yearns. if he loves, he does so with all his heart but forgets to extend the same love to himself. he gains understanding only to disregard it later. he is absorbed yet devoted. he expects kindness but is bewildered when it is extended to him in turn. he's neither a perfect colleague, a perfect companion, a perfect lover, nor a perfect husband. he's just another human who's trying to navigate and make sense of the world. who is silently hoping for his soul to be handled with tenderness and care, to finally be seen for who he is —no need for performance or pretense — and to be unconditionally cherished nonetheless.

a fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power.

he knows the burden he carries. understanding that even a momentary lapse in judgment could spell catastrophe if he doesn't exert tight control over his emotions at all times. he knows what is at stake should he lose the composure he painstakingly had to master. a mere moment is all it takes. this self-assessment isn't an "indirect threat" intended to subject pressure on tav or solicit pity, it's a stark acknowledgment of the truth. he is a fragile human, housing powers that should've never been his in the first place.

player: unbelievable. did you ever think what would happen if the tadpole got the better of you? gale: every waking moment. every dreaming moment too. but there was no way out.

he is also keenly aware of how his (former) colleagues perceive him, following his fall from grace.

player: bold. few would dare to reduce a goddess to their 'muse.' gale: i am, after all, the villain of the tale.

this line in particular is one i often think about. it makes me wonder about the extent of information gale received from the outside world after locking himself in his tower for an entire year, setting magical wards so no one but tara would be able to enter. did he hear the whispers? ("shunned by the goddess of magic herself, of course, it was only a matter of time before he flew too close to the sun.") were his colleagues ridiculing him, applauding mystra for cutting off the rot at the source? how did he arrive at the assumption that he is perceived as "the villain" and not the victim?

player: you must have been lonely, with only tara for company.. gale: sometimes. but i imposed it upon myself, after all. i set up enough wards to keep an army at bay, never mind the few colleagues who sought to inquire about my welfare.

or is this solely his own harsh judgment of his folly? that there is no chance anyone would meet him with sympathy, kindness and understanding after what he had wrought. he was too greedy, too impatient — selfish in arrogance, ravenous in ambition. letting delusions of grandeur guide him. he brought it all upon himself with his lack of patience. entirely convinced of his success and skill, blind to the possibility of failure. now doomed to drag innocents into the abyss with him. the hallmarks of a villain, right? after all, who would truly believe him that his ambition hid no ill will?

players: by rights. i should kill you. gale: perhaps that is what i deserve, but you deserve no such thing. [...]

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

REWATCHING GO S1, LIVE PLAY-BY-PLAY OF DOOMSDAY WAHOO

HELLO MAGGOTS REWATCHING SEASON 1 BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME WAS A KIDNAPPING CHAOTIC MESS. EPISODE ONE HERE GOES. I DON'T REMEMBER A LOT OF DETAILS BUT YES.

Opening scene and Earth's got vibe-checked by God and I've been gaslit about the dinosaurs

GARDEN OF EDEEEEEN wow his first appearance and Aziraphale's already so prissy and flustered might fuck around and fall in love with him idk

I finally understand who these mf's are hi Hastur and Ligur you're not zombies after all

FOR FUCK'S SAKE SECOND SCENE CROWLEY'S BEEN IN AND SHE WALKED IN, SERVED HIPS HAIR AND CUNT, AND THEN MANAGED TO TALK HER AWAY INTO A PROBLEM

LIKE GENUINELY SHE COMES AND SASHAYS WITH HER HAIR AND SAYS TIMES ARE CHANGING AND HEAD OFFICE LOVES ME AND JUST INSTANTLY HASTUR AND LIGUR USE HER WORDS AGAINST HER

idk sister mary loquacious is kinda doing it for me rn with that satanic nun's habit and losergirl energy

third crowley scene and he's misplaced THE LITERALLY GODDAMNED ANTICHRIST because he made small talk with a bloke outside without checking for details

mmmmhm yes sister mary wink again your bitchless decisions are sexy y'know what i mean

Gabriel feels like his brain was eviscerated and replaced with one of those youtuber's paid course promos at the end of their how to change your life in 45 days: three simple mindset shifts video

so THIS IS WHY EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING PAVLOVIAN IN THIS FANDOM IT'S BECAUSE OF DUCKS of course it's because of ducks

mmmhm yes sure crepes French revolu--Crowley stop eye-fucking Aziraphale you're making everyone at the Ritz horny

Aziraphale don't moan into your food man you can't take these two anywhere

Crowley thanking the driver for slowing down is everything to me

And they're drunk hu-fucking-zzah good thing we'll have 11 year olds saving the world coz these fuckers sure ain't doing shit

OH MY GOD HE WAS TRYING TO SAY BOUILLABAISSE I JUST REALISED. I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST MAKING KISSY FACES AT AZIRAPHALE I'M NOT OK-

What Aziraphale was doing back was definitely kissy faces though that mfer wasn't even trying to say bouillabaisse when Crowley said what sounded suspiciously like baby

kissy kissy from lil miss prissy [i would have made such a great high school bully shame i had no inclinations that way]

SORRY WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK WAS THAT SOBERING UP EXCUSE ME THE FANFICS MADE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS A CLICK AND THEY'RE SUDDENLY NORMAL WHY IS THE ALCOHOL REFILLING

oop nun down nun down

i want ya see a wile ya thwart amirite on a t-shirt

"actually i encourage humans to-" just say you're a lazy bitch azi we love you

love crowley fake-manipulating azi into helping like azi wants to be manipulated y'know so it's not technically his fault he was wiled over or whatever and they're both just such ENABLERS

not azi going SOFT at being godfathers with crowley

NOT BROTHER FRANCIS PLEASE NO FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AZI WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS PLEASE

WARLOCKKKKK I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HNNNG MICHAEL SHEEN HAD TOO MUCH FUN WITH THIS

why is nanny ashtoreth so seductive with that of course dear is it just crowley's inherent disastergirl sex appeal

HALF PONYTAIL CROWLEY I AM A FUCKING SLUT FOR HALF PONYTAIL

GASLIGHTING HEAVEN AND HELL THAT'S MY BABYGIRLS

erIC THE DISPOSABLE DEMON I DIDN'T KNOW THEY COME IN S1 well not come i hope unless being eaten by a hellho--nope

ANGEL CROWLEY SAID ANGEL ANGEL ANGEL

CROWLEY TRYING TO BE SUBTLE ABOUT KILLING BEFORE GETTING ANNOYED

waiter crOWLEY OUTFIT I CANNOT BE NORMAL AFTER THE WEDDING DRESS DESIGNING ABOUT THIS COSTUME

FOOLS WRONG BOY YOU FOOLS IM DEAD

DOG IS UNIRONICALLY SO CUTE EVEN BEFORE IT GOES SMOL

gonna give my roxie a kissy brb she's my angel and all this dog talk makes me miss her (she's a few feet away under the bed)

i asked her for a kissy and she crawled out and gave me a kiss i love her

DOGGGGG ADAMMM

...roxie's crying to be taken downstairs it's nearly 2 am this is on me for waking her up i crowley'd myself fml

EYYYYY WELCOME TO THE END TIMES don't mind me I'll have to take roxie down yes I know maggots I'm crowley-coded I KNOW THAT I'M A BLOODY DISASTER BYEEEEEEEE

[crossdressingdeath]

Orin: Husk. Maggot. A Bhaalspawn, slip-sliding in filth with these pigs. You don't deserve the Murder Lord's blessing. Kyvir: That's rich, coming from you. You're the child of a father and his daughter. Your mother was Sarevok's daughter. Orin: No no NO NO NO! He didn't... Filthy, pig-mouthed little LIAR! Orin: Grandfather loves me. He worships me. How dare you smear his name. It will not save you. Kyvir: [PERSUASION] He's your father, Orin. He abused your mother. He abused you. Orin: No. Not him. Not him... I did all this for him. Everything... everything... Bhaal Avatar: No, Orin. You did this for me. Orin: Bhaal... Father, they lie to me. They lie! Bhaal Avatar: You hesitate. If you will not fight for my blessing, I will make you something crueller. A deserving sacrifice for my child's ascension. [...] Sceleritas Fel: The changeling stands no chance, fiendish one. Eviscerate her! Orin: *ROAR!*

That transformation sequence is brutal. I actually feel really bad for Orin here. She hesitates for just a moment and Bhaal swoops in and warps her into the Slayer before she can even consider the idea that maybe she no longer wants to fight her "sibling" with the reveal that she's not Bhaal's child and in fact is the offspring of Sarevok and his own daughter. All Bhaal would've had to do was say "Yes, they're lying to you" and Orin would likely have gone right back to fighting for his favour. After all, who's she going to trust? Her much-hated sibling/a total stranger, or the god she's been groomed her whole life to be loyal to? But instead she hesitates for just a second and looks to her god for reassurance, and he forcibly transforms her into a monster on the off chance she might decide for the first time in her life that she doesn't want to fight. I find myself wondering if making her hesitate enough that Bhaal steps in makes the fight easier, too, because honestly she was not a hard fight. I could've done it without the Slayer if it hadn't been for The Vibes.

Also, playing Durge gives the Persuasion option there a fun feel; the initial "That's rich, coming from you" feels mocking (understandable, given she just took their form to mock them for the way she sliced open their skull and destroyed their mind while they screamed), but the Persuasion option feels surprisingly genuine. Especially in the context of a Durge who ultimately rejects Bhaal, there's a sense that they might really be trying to convince Orin that Sarevok and by extension Bhaal have been using and abusing her and don't deserve her loyalty. I won't lie, the idea of Durge making a genuine attempt to convince their "sister"/niece/great-niece to stop fighting for the people who hurt her so badly the same way they did for some of the party and the party did for them is very very good and sweet and the way they never get the opportunity to find out if they had even the slightest chance of succeeding in getting through to her because the moment she pauses, even to insist they're lying and beg Bhaal to confirm that, her humanity (for lack of a better word when she's not actually human) is torn from her in order to serve her up as an offering to Durge because as far as Bhaal's concerned she's proved herself unreliable just like that is deeply sad. I'm getting the increasing sense that there's a bit of a theme with the Chosen where even if they wanted to change they're in so deep with the Dead Three now that they'd never be allowed to; Durge only managed to get away because Orin's attack gave them so much amnesia they forgot they were Bhaal's favourite kid.

[nayvwriter]

Cool, ramble ask: Omnicron

Okay. Omnicron.

(nexomon series spoilers)

So as previously mentioned, Omnicron is the character in Nexomon series on my 'just blanket evil' list. Even Xanders is somewhat understandable and has his own morality.

That being said, his character can be an excellent plot device. Need a big bad for someone to beat up? Omnicron! Need a reasoning behind the actions of Omnicron's children? Omnicron!

I have a few back-of-the-pile AUs where one or more of (non-Nara) Omnicron's children gets to beat up Omnicron. They are very satisfying. They also mostly involve time travel, because gestures at the plot of N1 and the fact the redemption arcs happened after it. The alternative is either earlier redemption arcs or a serious amount of canon divergence.

So my number one headcanon is that Omnicron is a terrible father. Probably physically and emotionally abusive too. He didn't want children - he wanted tools, he wanted weapons. That's what the Children of Omnicron are. They're living weapons.

But they're living, so they have their own opinions. Omnicron didn't like that. So how to solve this... simply make sure his weapons stayed sharp and loyal, using whatever he had to to do so. He didn't care about them at all.

I don't think Omnicron was cartoonishly, obviously evil. I think he had a scarier kind of malevolence - the kind that hides itself behind charisma, behind manipulation. Why else would his children follow him, despite everything?

I also think Omnicron deliberately tried to freak out Ulzar, and n1 protag too. A last revenge, or an ambition to someday return and leave the humans weakened? Who can tell. And it worked, too.

It's interesting to compare this to Metta. I think Metta was the most loyal of them all, and I also think he was the one Omnicron was most scared of. Because they're really similar. Both carrying all the elements. Both (in my headcanon) holding ambition and charisma.

I think Omnicron sees Metta as a threat, but doesn't want to act on this because at the moment he has Metta loyal to him and he doesn't want to jeopardise that. I want to do something fun with this someday (mostly make Metta realise this).

But the difference between them is that Metta actually cares. Not about humanity, but about Nexomon, about his siblings, about anyone other than himself. Omnicron doesn't.

Didn't.

Because the other thing about Omnicron is that he's dead. By the time of n2, he's well and truly gone, but the world will never forget his name. Never forget his terrible legacy. Even dead, even with his very soul eviscerated, he's still causing unrest and strife simply because people remember him. And they know how evil he was.

He's a mere object of scary stories, for some, dead and gone. For others, he's a reason to distrust Tyrants. For the Children of Omnicron, he's their traumatic backstory, who moulded them into weapons and they're still trying to erase the marks he made.

For Solus, he's a cautionary tale, a worry in the back of their mind. They're definitely not the only one to make the connection, but they do make the connection, and they'll do all they can to prevent another Omnicron situation. (As, possibly, will others.)

Though evil, Omnicron shaped this world in so many ways, for better or for worse.

[cambria-writes]

Teaser 2

Though I entirely understand the reasoning based on character and narrative purposes, it was still a bummer that you couldn't romance Astarion past a certain point. And as someone who's asexual, I just wanted something that would vibe a little more with the pace that I move through relationships.

Also thank you to @abigailmoment for writing one of my favourite Astarion fics. Truly love the genuine small moments we see, and I'm hoping to be able to catch that kind of vibe eventually as well. ♥

Enjoy this snippet of chapter 2, which I've just finished tonight! I think I'll start posting when I've got chapter 4 done.

Astarion makes a show of thinking about it and tilts his head is agreement. “True. That was fun,” he says, taking another swig of the wine, before immediately pulling it away.

“Give me that you big baby,” you mutter, swiping the bottle from his hand and lifting the mouth to your lips.

Right, so it’s not amazing wine, but you’ve definitely had worse. You think for a second that it might make for great cooking wine when Astarion speak up again.

“But what do I get for all my hard work? A pat on the head and vinegar for wine,” he grumbles, crossing his arms. “I’m just looking for a little more excitement,” he ads, and leans in closer to you after you bring the bottle down. “A little more fun.”

You realize you’re a little too drunk for this a little too late.

“Hm, right, fun,” you repeat, trying to glean what Astarion’s trying to say. “What.. kind of fun are we considering? Because I’d rather you not eviscerate anyone if it’s all the same to you.”

Astarion sighs, a long and weary sound, as he rolls his eyes.

“I’m not going to—sex, darling, passion? Fun? Have you heard of it?”

A strange and unpleasant sensation rises through your spine, balls in your throat, before heavily settling in your get.

“Not with you, just to be clear,” Astarion ads quickly, and you think maybe he sees the dread in the bead of sweat that rolls down your temple, the way your knuckles are white around the wine bottle. “I mean—can you imagine? Urgh, no.”

He’s not convincing anyone. Even with... two? Three? Bottles of wine, you can hear the dramatic overcompensation in his voice.

“No need to be mean about it, gods,” you mutter, taking another swig at the wine bottle. Which is empty. You groan and toss it somewhere behind you where it won’t get away.

“Oh don’t misunderstand me,” Astarion start, turning to he’s leaning his shoulder on the tree to look at you. Look down at you. You’re beginning to resent how tall everyone is in comparison to you. “If our circumstances were different...” he trails off. Begins to look you up and down in a way you think is meant to be appreciative, but his eyes eventually stop their roaming just above your chest.

“You say you wouldn’t sleep with me,” you start, bringing your hand up to fiddle with the locket’s chain again. “But it lacks an awful amount of conviction given that you’re just blatantly staring at my breasts.”

I'll be keeping a taglist in a google doc so let me know if you want to be tagged when I start posting. :)

[ravencromwell]

Am back to watching the best! tutor-era show in existence: one Wolf Hall, adapted by the incomparable Peter Straughan because Thomas Cromwell, fundamental gutter-rat who'll fight dirtier than half the bastards in London even know is possible while having a veneer of polished civility is giving me the fiercest Ros Vortalis vibe my GOD. So, I thought I'd share the best fucking exchange from the show which is just Mark Rylance's Cromwell going absolutely fucking feral over dinner with the tiniest provocation over his surrogate dad Cardinal Wolsey. I can't find the YouTube clip, which is an absolute travesty because the dialogue alone will never do Mark's performance justice and any of you who haven't devoured this series find it by any means necessary and then come scream about it with me. But for now, let me show you the ambassadorial dinner no one fucking expected disgraced Tom Cromwell to have the balls to show up at:

[Tom, cool as a cucumber while everyone else freezes in horror since they have absolutely! been gossiping about him]: "Did you want to talk about me, Master More? You can speak while I'm here, I have a thick skin." [Thomas More's inner monologue: oh, fuck the crazy bastard who's been a hired mercenary! of all things! for our enemies the French! showed up oh he's _looking at me oh dear let me wipe the sweat from my brow with this napkin and give the master-class on everything you don't do to lie convincingly]: "No-one was talking of you." [Cromwell: inwardly rolling up sleeves. Oh, this will be fun!]: "Of the Cardinal, then?" [poor. poor host: I will salvage my dinner if it's the last thing I do. I simply must summon my power of manic cheer!] Thomas, this is Monsieur Chapuys, the Emperor's new ambassador here in London. Monsieur Chapuys, my friend, Thomas Cromwell. [poor new ambassador who doesn't understand what's about to happen to his polite society debut]: Enchanted. [after which he makes his evening's first and last mistake, leaning over to Thomas More to chat in Italian: "I have heard of this one. No one knows where he comes from. Like the wandering Jew." [poor bastard's new and dumb and fails to understand Cromwell isn't happy since Wolsey fell unless he eviscerates six people before bed] [Tom inwardly: oh, this is how we're gonna play it?] "I hardly know where I come from, myself. If you want to speak half-secretly, try Greek, Monsieur Chapuys." [host, staring between a gawp-mouthed new ambassador, sulking Thomas More and smug as a pig in shit Tom Cromwell: manic cheer aid me now! Upon which he says to More:] "My friend, you are looking at your herring as if you hate it." [Thomas More, making five-year-olds look like Zen masters of self-control by comparison]: "There's nothing wrong with the herring." [poor host, finally defeated]: "Ah." [More, who cannot let himself keep getting slapped around he's a man of importance I tell you!]: "But of Cardinal Wolsey, I'll say only this -he has brought his fall on himself. He's drawn all to himself - land, money and titles. He's always had a greed for ruling over other men. I think it's a little late to read the Cardinal a lesson in humility. His real friends have read it long ago and been ignored." [Cromwell inwardly: this stopped being fun and became the biggest crock of shit I've ever been priveleged to witness. Fuck civility.] "And you count yourself a real friend, do you? I'll tell him - and by the blood of Christ, Lord Chancellor, he'll find it a consolation as he sits in exile and wonders why you slander him to the King." [Host, genuinely scared they might fight with the butcher knives now and More is a weedy little thing Cromwell could take him without even breaking a sweat oh god what if he dies at my dinner? Because I invited Cromwell Thomas More is second-in-command to the king!] "Gentlemen..." [Cromwell, oblivious, having worked up his full glorious head o' steam]:" No, let's have this straight. Thomas here says, "I'd spend my life in the church, if I had a choice. I'm devoted to things of the spirit. I care nothing for wealth. The world's esteem is nothing to me." So how is it I come back to London and find you've become Lord Chancellor? What's that?" Three beats of aching, glorious silence. "A fucking accident?"

[bourbon-ontherocks]

asdjzekhkjerhf 304 was?? hysterical???? I hadn’t laughed like that in front a show in a long time, I was literally cry-laughing during the online team meeting. gilles’ face 💀💀💀 I could rewatch the ep rn just for this… franchement, merci chloé for sharing your germs with everyone, so worth it 🙏 btw céline complètement croclove de la petiote while adam is trying to keep a semblance of health & safety measures in the workplace, ICONIC. (so many germs-related reaction gifs to make. "LES GESTES BARRIÈRE !")

let’s not forget daphné’s power trip and her gender equality crusade, is it me or did she wink when they told céline the murderer was a woman? je l’adore 😭😂

gilles, vraiment, friend of the year 🥲 because daphné might just eviscerate him when she finds out he lied to her 🥲 ("vous allez tellement bien ensemble" je l’ai mal pris pour lui mdrrr) and it’s cute how jealous he was of timothée, lol!

timothée is way too sweet, actually. like, we know he’s not really meant as a love interest for morgane, but it’s too bad we don’t even get a chance to believe in their relationship (as opposed to morgane & ludo for example) though I’m glad he’s around, tbh, because "ma sirène" is my new favorite term of endearment 🤣🤣

OMG anon, I'm so happy for you that you enjoyed this episode!!! I'm not particularly fond of it myself so I'm glad you gave me more reasons to like it!!

I must say the flu epidemic was extremely fun, I knew from the start that it was obviously bound to happen when Ludo said that Chloé had a fever, and watching that trainwreck was like witnessing a car crash lol 😂 I agree that in that regard, the Zoom meeting was particularly delightful 😍 Also Adam x his steam inhaler is my new ship (really though, between the absence of Beardie, the inhaler, and the thermometer stuff, he was peak sexiness in this ep 🤣)

Céline babytalking Chloé felt kinda weird to me, she never really struck me as a kids person (even when she talks about how she basically never sees her son in season 2, like... she doesn't look devastated so much, you know?) but for some random reason she seems to be obsessed with Morgane's children this season (cf. when her first concern when Morgane was attacked at home was, actually, the kids that weren't even there).

But -- ah, why am I even trying to understand the characters this season? Characterization who? lol. Où avais-je la tête 😅

I 100% agreed that Daphné winked about the murderer being a woman, and she was definitely proud. I love her so much, but this woman is deranged 😂 Also the way she went borderline scary when asking Gilles about who was Timothée's conquest made me laugh so much!! The poor man, torn between his loyalty (and scare) towards Morgane and his scare (and loyalty) towards Daphné lololol!! Their fake dating idea was genius and Daphné's réaction was priceless ("maintenant que tu me le dis c'est évident" looooooool). But also wait until you find out how it all resolves because I have a feeling that you won't get disappointed 😈

Also what do you mean Gilles was jealous of Timothée?

Timothée is boring (imo) and borderline creepy, and I must say I cringed at "ma sirène" but also agreed that it was kinda hilarious. What did you think of the pseudo-romantic scene (grand gesture, rain, champagne metaphor, heart-shaped fade to black, etc) in the end? I might have vomited in my mouth a little 😆

But I have to admit I really enjoyed Morgane trying and spectacularly failing at hiding Timothée from Ludo AND Gilles lol (also Gilles who genuinely thought Timothée was just being rude for wandering naked in Morgane's house... someone protects this man at all cost 🤣)

(also the way Ludo was super chill with his ex's sex life, this man is a GEM 🥰)

Obviously this analysis wouldn't be whole without its crumbs of angst, so I'll leave you with the fact that Morgane's break-up speech was embarrassingly bad because she's usually never the one who leaves. 😢

[galaxysharks]

Ej was such a big brother to Maddox. Just the pure joy when he saw her having fun, he humors her so much and it means everything.

Imagine Ej's earlier years at the camp:

Jock!Baby!Elton gets sent to Shallow Lake cause camp 'builds character' and Cash can't be bothered to raise his one and only son.

Ej figures he will coast by in the ensemble/security/person who can lift things.

Realizes quickly that all the fun tools and props are locked up to keep unsupervised children away from them, as instructed by the director.

Trys unsuccessfully to charm director because the old man can tell when a kid is helping, and when one just wants access to things that can make fire.

That's when he notices that the weird little tween that only speaks to the director and tinkers with the tech equipment has the only other set of keys.

Que: Operation: get keys to fireworks part 2.

Report: Mission failed because Maddox doesn't understand metaphors for stealing minor explosives and won't break rules anyway. Also never leaves them anywhere, so he can't just take them.

Ej decides to pretend to befriend this girl until she trusts him to have keys, and because he is at this point a proto-Cash, he does this by suggesting she do stereotypical 'camp' behaviors like playing reveille at 7 am, or asking for secrets in the cabins, or any other amount of behaviors that would get her socially eviscerated. He figures most of the camp would follow his lead, so he just needs to play nice for a few days, then they can do whatever while he gets to explode things. Starts calling her Gadget, cause he can't remember her name.

Except Maddox Loves Camp. To her, Ej is rapidly becoming her best friend because he actually wants to be around her, and do the things she loves. Sure Val listens to her, but Maddox's too awkward around pretty girls to have any real conversations, and Ej is even giving her suggestions to make this summer even more like the old movies.

Val pulls Ej aside like: Don't you fucking dare make fun of this child, she's going through things right now..

Ej get 0.001% into this plan and realizes, oh shit she's adorable, I can't let people ruin this for her.

Cue Mr. Elton Jock wholeheartedly throwing himself into every one of these stupid challenges and traditions. Taunting and egging on everyone and generally becoming the helpful kind of menace to society that makes the weird parts of a summer camp seem fun.

The first night the camp serves tacos, and that's awesome, but Maddox tells him it's not usually a great idea to eat twelve of them at once.

Spoiler: she's right. Ej spends a morning dedicated to vomit and pain in the medical cabin. Maddox sits with him and helps him read lines for his different ensemble characters in between laughing at him and dodging Val bringing him more water and crackers.

They are assigned to the same tent in the wooded camp out night, because the director has noticed, and she usually takes a solo tent, which is not a good look for their safety rating.

She's jumping at shadows and hiding as soon as the tale of Susan Fine is over. She knows it's not real, but she's still freaked out by it.

Ej tells her that they're going to make it real, and she won't be scared cause she'll know what 'susan fine' will be doing all night. Maddox is going to be the woman in the woods, he'll be a shrub monster and they can scare people together.

He buys a large pack of twizzlers, some geodes, and candles from the local shop, and they set up the first ever Susan Fine shrine.

They collect a record 11 full screams and 1 full tackle from some kid named Johnny that breaks things alot.

After they've had their fun, Ej and Maddox spend the night making up a dumb camp song. With references to the taco disaster and the scary stories.

They perform at a mid-week talent show, and get a request for an encore at camp prom.

During color wars, Ej notices Maddox was missing, and Val tells him she helps the director set up the fireworks every year, but she'll be back in time for the sing-off.

At this point Ej is having more fun doing the color wars than he would have had stealing the fireworks to begin with.

She saves him a bottle rocket. They launch it later and Ej catches his shorts on fire. once he is put out and in his boxers, Maddox and Val try to find something between them for him to wear. When cleaning Val notices a patch on the inside lining of the burnt shorts 'Elton John Caswell'. Maddox laughs at him and calls him Rocketman.

Most of camp thinks it is because of the bottle rocket, but Val and Maddox know.

Uses his call from winning color wars to tell Cash that he'll take some business courses in school if he gets to come back to camp every year.

[bluewithpurplepolkadots]

Honestly it’s not surprising that Zutar@ manages to fuck up and be annoying to ships that commit the crime of ‘getting in their way’. But it also treats the ships they claim to like along with their own as garbage as well.

I’m talking of course about Taang and Sukka.

I genuinely like Taang myself. A lot actually. At points it’s even my favourite Atla ship.

But you can really really tell when someone doesn’t ship it because they like both Toph and Aang as characters and find their dynamics and backgrounds and even potential spiritual links interesting: but are instead using it as an excuse to get Aang out of the way.

Their barely hidden contempt for Aang especially when they spout tripe like ‘Toph wouldn’t take any crap from him’ . All while posting a fic scenario which has Aang, someone who genuinely tries to understand people most of the time and even has a genuine religious philosophy: instead seem to have an understanding about friendship or forgiveness more akin to a three year old. Or like has shit like momtara and dadko scenarios (excuse me while I throw up) where he sneaks off to date Toph as if he had to ask these KIDS his PEERS his FRIENDS for permission in their deranged nuclear family take on the gaang. Yeah it was a ‘joke’ but they actually think of the gaang as working that way. Fucking straightest fandom imaginable frankly. Can’t think of dynamics in any other way without making some kids into the mother and father.

Because to them Katara and Zuko are 40 to Aang’s 12 I guess. Sure. 👌 Zuko who is ultimately and obviously the least mature member of the gaang. Katara who enjoys having fun and needs to be reconnected to being a kid again and gets that from Aang in the first episode. Sure. Sure. They can’t even fucking have Katara and Aang be the equals and friends they are.

Overall it really makes them show their ass when they attempt to spew out how much better it would be for Aang to be with Toph and this happens. It’s extremely frustrating trying to find Taang content sometimes because for every genuinely good piece you find there’s like five or more of this utter garbage. It leaves me cold honestly. I’m not sure how a genuine Taang shipper could not have at least some contempt for the louder parts of the Zk fandom.

Sukka doesn’t get it much better, though at least they don’t seem to hate one or more of its members. I have to admit I’m not really a fan of Sukka myself. I don’t hate it. The opposite actually. I don’t generally have any strong feelings one way or the other. It’s perfectly inoffensive but I’m not really into it.

But it’s kind of amazing that Zk fans try to say it’s ‘the only good canon ship’ when they make basically next to no art or fics of it apart from being heavily heavily in the background or in group shots.

It’s not the only ‘group ship’ fandom guilty of this mind you. Not even just in this fandom. Hell, arguably and oddly not even the only group that does this with Sukka.

But it’s fucking hilarious how full of shit they are. They don’t make any actual content of it! They don’t actually care for it any more than I do! It just doesn’t get in the way so they leave it alone except to use it to make posts to shit on the (lbr more interesting) Kataang and Maiko. Wild. I mean I don’t care for Tokka much either which sometimes gets thrown in as Maiko and Kataangs group: but at least people seem to actually and genuinely like that ship and have made content for it.

I just sometimes think about when Sokka says ‘You talk too much’ before kissing Suki: which in context isn’t anything to be mad at, clearly. But we all know it would have gotten Aang eviscerated by them if he’d said it to Katara in the exact same context.

Also ZKs would be crowing with glee that ‘See!!! Zuko can’t stand anything coming out of her rancid mouth!!! She’s so abusive!!! He kisses her to shut her up!!!!’ If Zuko had said it to Mai. You’re not slick. You’re not clever. Everyone can see the truth. Sukka is a prop to you and nothing more.

Leave Taang and Sukka out of your ship posts when it’s clear to everyone with a brain cell that you don’t care anything about them. They deserve better. Or at least Taang does. Don’t think I’ve ever seen a single person for whom Sukka is the ultimate ride or die OTP. But they probably exist you know? It’s a decently sized fandom after all. They’re unfortunately probably buried by all your garbage hot takes. And even if I don’t care for it, you’re probably fucking up what could be a fun experience for them.

[sixstepsaway]

This was originally posted as a response on this thread, but I'm proud of it so I thought I'd make it a post of its own. The discussion was about Daemon apparently being power-hungry, and about how he made fun of Baelon - something we do not see on screen.

~

My take on this is entirely that the point is that Daemon is unwaveringly loyal to his brother, if a little harsh at times in manner and words.

On the flip side, when Otto tells Viserys that he said something that was maybe a little off-color, Viserys immediately and unwaveringly believes that story. He does not question it. He believes it.

Daemon is rude and abrasive at times, yes, but Viserys believes that Daemon cruelly celebrated the death of his son, enough that he had Daemon brought before him to be questioned and then exiled over it.

Daemon is hurt.

That's my read on that scene. Viserys asks Daemon if he called Baelon the heir for a day in mockery and Daemon is so hurt that Viserys would just... believe that, that he doesn't argue. He doesn't say if he did or didn't - what's the point? Viserys is going to believe Otto over him.

This leads into the argument about his hand, about how in ten years Viserys has never asked Daemon to be his hand. Daemon hurts over this, it's a long-term injury that has made root in his very bones and when it rains he feels it ache. Viserys can't understand why he would do that - Daemon is erratic and irresponsible and can't possibly be trusted! - but Daemon knows if the roles were reversed, Daemon would have Viserys as his hand. His brother would be by his side always because he is his brother, not for any other reason.

It's a lingering pain that Viserys never even asked, that Viserys picked Otto - a man who hates Daemon and vice versa and goes out of his way to hurt and alienate Daemon at every turn, to turn Viserys against him more and more.

He doesn't refute what he said, because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he said it or not, because Viserys believes he did, he believes he mockingly celebrated his son's death in the midst of his grief, because he is power hungry and cruel. He does not love his brother the way his brother loves him. Daemon sees this clearly in this scene.

When Viserys sends him away, Daemon spends the following three years (I think?) trying to earn back the love he thinks he's lost, trying to earn himself a place as Viserys' hand, trying to earn a place at court and by his side. He goes on a suicide run to try and be what he thinks Viserys needs him to be - a hero, someone who does great things in Viserys' name. He hands him his driftwood crown as proof: Look, brother. I do not want your throne, only your love. Please, can I have that now?

Viserys embraces him and for a moment, Daemon thinks he has it.

I do think his plan with Rhaenyra might be to spoil her so she could be his, but I honestly think most of it was wanting a night out with her and ending up realizing just how much he wanted her.

But he realizes he doesn't want to ruin her. He doesn't want to hurt her like that, but he also doesn't want to hurt Viserys like that. He backs up. He changes his mind. He doesn't have sex with her.

And the next thing he knows he's dragged back in to that same throne room, for Viserys to verbally eviscerate him for something he didn't do. This scene actually is why I question the "heir for a day" lie the most. We know Daemon didn't have sex with Rhaenyra, but much like the time previously, Viserys believes Otto over him. Viserys assumes the worst, assumes his brother has done something terrible to both him and Rhaenyra.

Daemon doesn't deny it because again - what is the point? Viserys is going to believe Otto, not him. If that wasn't the case, this conversation would be wildly different from beginning to end.

Instead, he implores, "I am good enough for her, can't you see? I waged and won a war and presented it to you as a victory to add to your chair. Am I not a better match than Jason Lannister? Isn't it better for her first experience to be with me - someone who loves her - than some stranger in a brothel like ours was? Wed her to me. I don't care if she's ruined or not, I don't care about her attitude, I don't care about any of it. I want her both regardless and because of those things. You said I could have anything I wanted, you promised me that, was it a lie, brother? I could make your daughter happy and she could make me happy in return, do you want that for us?"

And Viserys says no. He sends him away. He believes Otto - right down to sending Rhaenyra a potion to abort a baby she might be carrying of Daemon's - and refuses him. He doesn't follow through on his promise, doesn't see him as good enough or a real option at all.

The whole point of these two scenes, especially the way they are mirrored to one another (both in a throne room, both with Daemon neither confirming nor denying Otto's accusation) is to show that Viserys does not love him the way Daemon wants, or thought he might.

When Daemon returns ten years later after Laena's death, Viserys begs him to come back to him, to rejoin his court, to be by his side, and Daemon says no.

It's too late. Viserys has shown his lack of faith too many times. Daemon has lived ten years with a woman who cared for if not loved him, with children who love him, in a place that had faith in him. He turns him down because he cannot have his heart broken again.

That, to me, is what those two scenes are showing, both in what we don't see (him speak the line) and what we do (him walk away from Rhaenyra).

[secret-kkh-fics]

Here's the first half of my Graylora colour's soulmate AU. I can't find Kase's rank, so I gave him one.

Crown Prince Graydon Hastur’s heart beat frantically in his chest, practically trying to break out of his ribcage, as he pressed up against a tree, trying to stay as invisible as possible. It was beating so loudly he was certain that whoever was following could hear it from where they were. He could hear the muted thumps of their horse’s hooves on the soft grass of the clearing but couldn’t bring himself to even peek around the tree. Not even as Boorman launched himself from his hiding place at the incoming enemy, closing his eyes tight at the thuds and grunts and sounds of the ensuing scuffle.

“Hey! Put me down!!!” a distinctly female voice echoed through the clearing. His eyes snapped open.

It was a young woman by the sound of it. Certainly not the voice of the horrible Bone Reaver or one of the hellish Gales that Graydon had imagined was following them with the intention of eviscerating them and tearing them limb from limb.

Cautiously, he finally peeked around the tree to see that the others had already all jumped out to attack their stalker, only to stop short seeing a thin young woman with pale skin and light hair that he assumed was blonde. She was wrapped in a knitted shawl as dark as the trees around them… so, possibly green? - though he’d never been able to tell ‘colours’ apart very well when they were a similar shade of grey. She also wore a scowl as Princess Kit scoffed as they approached. Even then he found that the girl was… pretty.

“Uh-uh. Absolutely not,” Kit scoffed. Clearly she knew who this was.

“I want to help rescue the prince!” the girl argued.

“Tough. Go home.”

She scowled at the princess, and Graydon couldn’t help but smile, seeing someone who was clearly one of her subjects standing up to her like that. No one at home would dare treat him like that openly, even if he knew they did behind his back.

“You don’t understand!” she continued. “We’re in love.”

Oh.

So, she was in love with Prince Arik? …Of course, she was. The prince was handsome and charming, and any person could easily fall for him. He’d seen several women and men swooning over him while he flirted with them at dinner the night before.

...Not that it mattered that she loved Prince Arik anyway. It’s not like it mattered to him. He was engaged, after all.

“…I don’t know how to break it to you,” Jade said delicately, “but Arik’s been in love with-”

“Not like this!” she cut her off passionately. “Not like us!” She was met by a lot of rolled eyes from some of the people who knew Arik well. She sighed in frustration. “You think I’m a fool. Fine, I don’t care! What we have comes around once, maybe – if you’re lucky. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other!”

Graydon blinked in surprise hearing the girl’s impassioned speech. He could only imagine what it would be like to have someone love him that much. Someone who loved him so much that they braved unknown perils and most probable certain death to get him back. His chest burned sickly as he thought of Arik flirting with the courtiers last night. Did he even know what a treasure he had?

“Have you ever been in a fight?” Kit asked the girl, her frustration barely hidden.

“You mean, like… verbally?” He couldn’t help but smile at the response. It was funny and adorable. Though, the snickers from the others he knew were making fun of her.

“I mean, like, defending yourself against someone who wants to hurt you.”

“No,” she said. “Have you?” He couldn’t help letting out a low ‘Oooh!’ under his breath as he finally moved out from behind the tree, watching as the fair woman verbally sparred with the others bellow him. “I can do other stuff,” she continued, turning imploringly towards Jade, Boorman and General Kase. “Whatever you need - tend horses. Somebody’s gotta cook, right?”

“Are you any good?” Boorman asked, perking up at the mention of food.

“I’m phenomenal!”

This time he grinned. She certainly was confident. He wished he could be as confident and passionate as she was.

“She’s not coming with us!” Kit groused.

“You heard the Princess,” Kase told the girl as he led his horse. “You’re going back to Tir Asleen at first light.”

Kit turned to look at him sharply. “What?!”

“What? It will be dark soon. She can go back in the morning.”

From the sheepish look on the General’s face, Graydon could tell he wanted to keep her around for the night so he could get a good meal. And if General Kase was willing to keep her around for her cooking after all the warnings he’d given them about safety, then she must be as good as she said. He could do with a nice meal himself, and he certainly wasn’t against her staying with them longer. She seemed nice.

Before Kit could argue any further – something he was quickly tiring of – he took a step forward to the top of the hill and finally drew attention to himself.

“So, what can you cook out here?” he asked the girl.

She turned sharply to look at him, surprised having forgotten there was another in their party, and his breath caught in this chest. He had thought that her voice was lovely, and her delicate features were beautiful… but that was nothing compared to her luminous eyes. Her brilliant eyes locked with his, and after a second they blew wide. He found himself doing the same, his mouth falling open as he was suddenly overwhelmed by an assault to his senses, the world around him burst into intense vibrancy. The shades of grey he’d known his entire life being chased away by what he could only assume was colour. It was so much all at once, almost giving him a headache, and he looked about wildly to take it all in. He saw the colour of the sky above them, something he’d always been told was blue, and the green of the trees – indeed the colour of the girl’s shawl. He didn’t yet have a name for the shocking colour of Jade’s hair, unlike anything else around them.

Amongst all the new mess of colours, the girl stood out like a bright, fair beacon, looking about as frantically as he was before their eyes locked once more. The stunning blue colour the first he’d ever seen…

“…Oh shit!” she gasped.

“What, did you forget your ‘magic’ muffins?” Kit scoffed.

They both ignored her. “Oh shit,” he echoed the girl… No, not ‘the girl’. His soulmate.

“Ah… what’s going on? You two having a staring contest?” Boorman asked looking between them before getting a look of realisation. “Ohh… I see, you have a thing for princes, don’t you girlie? We got a bit of a… ex-lovers reunion going on, don’t we?”

“Wh-what? No!” she protested. Graydon wanted to protest as well, but he was too stunned to talk. “He- I- It- …I’m going to forage some ingredients.”

“Hey! You’re not staying! ,” Kit shouted as his soulmate fled into the treeline in the other direction to him. “Ugh. She’s going to get killed out there.”

“Shut up and kill me a possum, Princess!” she shouted back. Kit scowled, muttering something under her breath and Jade was attempting to hide a smile.

Graydon looked about at the others, the bright colours of their clothing and the overwhelming green of the forest making him dizzy. This was why he wore dark clothing. You didn’t have to deal with colours when everything was dark.

“I… I’ll get some firewood,” he stuttered. “You need fire to cook, right? Yeah. Firewood. Cooking. Firewood… Cooking…”

Muttering as his mind swirled with chaos, he turned and wandered aimlessly into the trees behind him.

“Well, that was weird,” he heard Boorman say.

It was ten minutes later that Graydon realised he hadn’t even looked at the ground let alone picked up a twig for kindling… And he might be a little lost. Which way was the clearing?

“Hey! Put me down!!!” a distinctly female voice echoed through the clearing.

A young woman by the sound of it. Certainly not the voice horrible Bone Reaver or one of the Gales that Graydon had imagined was following them with the intention of eviscerating them and tearing them limb from limb.

Cautiously, he peeked around the tree to see that the others had already all jumped out to attack their stalker, only to stop short seeing a thin young woman with pale skin and light hair he assumed was blonde. She was wrapped in a knitted shawl as dark as the trees around them… so, possibly green - though he’d never been able to tell ‘colours’ apart very well when they were a similar shade of grey - and wore a scowl as Princess Kit scoffed as they approached. The girl was… pretty.

“Uh-uh. Absolutely not,” Kit scoffed.

“I want to help rescue the Prince!” the girl argued.

“Tough. Go home.”

She scowled at the princess, and Graydon couldn’t help but smile, seeing someone who was clearly one of her subjects standing up to her like that. No one at home would dare treat him like that openly, even if he knew they did behind his back.

“You don’t understand!” she continued. “We’re in love.”

Oh.

So, she was in love with Prince Arik… Of course, she was. The prince was handsome and charming, and any person could easily fall for him. He’d seen several women and men swooning over him while he flirted with them at dinner the night before... Not that it mattered that she loved Prince Arik anyway. It’s not like it mattered to him. He was engaged, after all.

“…I don’t know how to break it to you,” Jade said delicately, “but Arik’s been in love with-”

“Not like this!” she cut her off passionately. “Not like us!” She was met by a lot of rolled eyes from some of the people who knew Arik apparently very well. She sighed in frustration. “You think I’m a fool. Fine, I don’t care! What we have comes around once, maybe – if you’re lucky. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other!”

Graydon blinked in surprise hearing the girl’s impassioned speech. He could only imagine what it would be like to have someone love him that much. Someone who loved him so much that they braved unknown perils and most probable certain death to get him back. His chest burned sickly as he thought of Arik flirting with the courtiers last night. Did he even know what a treasure he had?

“Have you ever been in a fight?” Kit asked her, her frustration barely hidden.

“You mean, like… verbally?” He couldn’t help but smile at the response. It was funny and adorable. Though, the snickers from the others he knew were making fun of her.

“I mean, like, defending yourself against someone who wants to hurt you.”

“No,” she said. “Have you?” He couldn’t help letting out a low ‘Oooh!’ under his breath as he finally moved out from behind the tree, watching as the fair woman verbally sparred with the others bellow him. “I can do other stuff,” she continued, turning imploringly towards Jade, Boorman and General Kase. “Whatever you need - tend horses. Somebody’s gotta cook, right?”

“Are you any good?” Boorman asked, perking up at the mention of food.

“I’m phenomenal!”

This time he grinned. She certainly was confident. He wished he could be as confident and passionate as she was.

“She’s not coming with us!” Kit groused.

“You heard the Princess,” Kase told the girl as he led his horse. “You’re going back to Tir Asleen at first light.”

Kit turned to look at him sharply. “What?!”

“What? It will be dark soon. She can go back in the morning.”

From the sheepish look on the General’s face, Graydon could tell he wanted to keep her around for the night so he could get a good meal. And if General Kase was willing to keep her around for her cooking after all the warnings he’d given them about safety, then she must be as good as she said. He could do with a nice meal himself, and he certainly wasn’t against her staying with them longer. She seemed nice.

Before Kit could argue any further – something he was quickly tiring of – he took a step forward to the top of the hill and finally drew attention to himself.

“So, what can you cook out here?” he asked the girl.

She turned sharply to look at him, surprised having forgotten there was another in their party, and his breath caught in this chest. He had thought that her voice was lovely, and her delicate features were beautiful… but that was nothing compared to her luminous eyes. Her brilliant eyes locked with his, and after a second they blew wide. He found himself doing the same, his mouth falling open as he was suddenly overwhelmed by an assault to his senses, the world around him burst into intense vibrancy. The shades of grey being chased away by what he could only assume was colour. It was so much all at once, almost giving him a headache, and he looked about wildly to take it all in. He saw the colour of the sky above them, something he’d always been told was blue, and the green of the trees – indeed the colour of the girl’s shawl. He didn’t have a name for the shocking colour of Jade’s hair, unlike anything else around them.

Amongst all the new mess of colours, the girl stood out like a bright, fair beacon, looking about as frantically as he was before their eyes locked once more. The stunning blue colour the first he’d ever seen…

“…Oh shit!” she gasped.

“What, did you forget your magic muffins?” Kit scoffed.

They both ignored her. “Oh shit,” he echoed the girl… No, not ‘the girl’. His soulmate.

“Ah… what’s going on? You two having a staring contest?” Boorman asked looking between them before getting a look of realisation. “Ohh… I see, you have a thing for princes, don’t you girlie? We got a bit of a… ex-lovers reunion going on, don’t we?”

“Wh-what? No!” she protested. Graydon wanted to protest as well, but he was too stunned to talk. “He- I- …I’m going to forage some ingredients.”

“Ugh. She’s going to get killed out there,” Kit said as his soulmate fled into the treeline in the other direction to him.

“Shut up and kill me a possum, Princess!” she shouted back.

Graydon looked about at the others, the bright colours of their clothing and the overwhelming green of the forest making him dizzy. “I… I’ll get some firewood. You need fire to cook, right? Yeah. Firewood. Cooking. Firewood… Cooking…”

Muttering as his mind swirled with chaos, he turned and wandered aimlessly into the trees behind him.

“Well, that was weird,” he heard Boorman say.

It was ten minutes later that Graydon realised he hadn’t even looked at the ground let alone picked up a twig for kindling… And he might be a little lost. Which way was the clearing?

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary10

this is definitely a kind of milestone. 10 of these. that's nice. over a week of my life documented. it makes me happy i think. anyways. listening to poison hands by shearing pinx right now.

today i heard some fucked up stuff. a friend who is a substitute teacher had to deal with some kids showing some other kids stuff they should not, and no one on earth should be seeing.

i feel bad about knowing this kind of thing happens. i won't really go into the thing itself, but it gives me a sense that right now being a child is basically impossible. it was already impossible when i was a kid, i think. it was impossible for me at least, cuz at 10 i basically became familiar with how people could desire me, and even if only over webcams it's basically been a thing that's been inside me since forever. i don't think there's anything we can do. because of this sense that things are inhospitable and abuse is happening in ways we can't really understand, fags (e.g. me) will be blamed for creating some kind of modern gomorrah. everyone knows it's straight people and basically mostly, if not always (and it isn't always) men.

today i did record 1 more song, super screechy, and went into current single i'm trying to get out to redo some parts. i think it's basically 97% there for real now. i meant 98% but 97% seems maybe a little better.

i also wrote a new super short thing. exciting and fun, that one's probably going to go on the album. i wrote it while my gf was on the phone with her very annoying brother who i mostly feel bad for and i'm sure i'll talk about more. he's obsessed with christmas and having kids right now and i don't want him to have kids. he wants a son, his fantasy is to take his son to the bar when he turns 21. he doesn't think he'll live past 50. i think his life is going to be longer than he wants or expects.

when i was in highschool i thought i'd be dead by now.

i vced with my friends today. we talked about alien conspiracy and galactic federation shit. very sad people a lot of the time i think. i guess. i dunno. i want to write but i feel exhausted.

i really hate but am fascinated by all this content about how the internet right now is a pit full of groomers. it feels basically and profoundly reactionary, basically about how there's things happening right now at such a scale that we cannot know, and therefore, it's prevalent everywhere. but it probably isn't. a lot of people are basically normal. normal meaning a lot i guess.

it's too complex to put here and i just want to write it in fictions and poems (lyrics (i should get closer to thinking of them as poems, they sort of are because i just sort of write whatever and try to make it fit for the short songs)) where i can eviscerate and look at remains. here it's too. i dunno. i want to feel it in my teeth. i want to write. i am spent and tired. tomorrow i want to write but i will probably record.

i love my girlfriend of course. today i was thinking about how lucky i am to have met her. she has basically saved my life. that's insane to reflect on. without her i would be trapped at home still. we need other people, to motivate us towards something, people materially around us, to hold us by our hands, enough of us around one another, we can do anything i think.

i wrote something good that i am going to stick somewhere else. you won't see it unless it gets put somewhere you can see. sorry.

i wrote more, i think i'm happier now. i'm listening to the shame by the blood brothers. the writing is at least useful, it situates something for the 2nd part and makes the 3rd part easier maybe.

i love the blood brothers. i think they're a perfect band, every band after their first is perfect i think, excluding the last which is maybe just suffering from a couple songs with weak parts but not wholly weak. i love them so much. i love so much music.

i was thinking a lot today about how in highschool, discovering a lot of this kind of post-hardcore and hardcore, with high screams and less masculine voices, stranger music and stuff, really gave me something to attach to, it's like, real androgyne music to me. i dunno. the heat and flashing of these instants of pain, the screeching boys rendered into, i dunno, whatevers, ecstatic and sprinting from ideas, it's so perfect.

i keep saying that, sorry.

i need to read more soon. so much i need to do. oh, i cooked tonight, that was nice, and it was fun but i burnt the vegetables a little and my gf finished dinner which she usually doesn't do, actually, she's usually not that hungry ever so i get it but it does hurt my feelings because it makes me think it's me and nothing else. i'm a baby i guess. i'm too sensitive. everyone said that to me since i was a kid. honestly i wish i were more sensitive.

my friend saw that cover art i was making him finally, he likes it, that makes me really happy. my friend is me and my kidney, he makes cool dance music, this new record he's working on he's trying to go in a ymo direction sort of, as well as a bit of a weird midi-(ish) fusion thing. it doesn't really sound like midi, it's beefed up and has other samples, he wants something really organic but not actually like, really performed. not for conceptual reasons, he just loves synths, you know. we all do. or he and i do, and that's part of why we became friends in hs, cuz we liked weird synth stuff. i'm excited about what he is doing right now.

anyways i should try to relax now before sleeping. my face is washed and i did all my working out. #swaggy

[maroonghoul]

Cozy Horror?

I've been hearing this above term recently plus some of the blowback against it. I'm one of those who doesn't care for it, but it doesn't make me angry like how I am with "Elevated Horror". I'm more confused. It's like every term I hear to define it, I think they're already terms for.

"it has low stakes and is not all that bloody." Oh you mean like gateway Horror or a kid's horror movie?

"It has the aesthetics of a horror movie but is not all that intense" so it's spoopy?

"it reminds me of all the nice things of fall" because it's a horror movie set at fall?

The term itself again feels redundant. As for the attitude of those who championed the term and get angrily defensive? I kind of get it, but I think they're looking at it the wrong way.

I get not finding the more intense or hardcore horror films fun to watch or easy to rewatch. It's typical. But the edgelord a-holes who would apparantly shame someone for not liking harder horror films don't speak for the general horror community. They are just another loud minority. A lot of female fans like horror media that don't invoke coziness at all, and plenty of male fans like the cozier horror films just as much as the non-cozy variety, whatever that is.

People who talk about it see it as a binary. But for me, I see all of Horror as an abyss or cave. That sounds negative, but hear me out. What would be called "Cozy Horror" would be around the edge if not a little bit in. All the other varieties are further in, with something like the French New Extremity as the bottom. (If I'm wrong, I'm not ready to guess what is.).

All of us, casual and superfans alike, are climbing into it all the time. A few just pear over the edge from time to time. The reason I picked an abyss instead of a mountain for this is that with a mountain, there's more of an assumption of either competition or "you're less of a man" if you don't try it. Instead, it's with something a bit more spooky, (heh), and more understandable about not wanting to go down there, if you're afraid of the dark or tight spaces. But because of that, most of us are understanding if others don't want to go far in, even if some of us have been doing it long enough to only feel satisfied going a bit deeper. It's all actually a matter of personal comfort.

If your favorite subgenre of horror is one that gives more deliberate cozy vibes or that's the only one you can stand, that's okay. That's fine. The least I can ask for is similar understanding that what gives me the same comfort is, for example, a bleak future where people who are still underpaid or overworked are force to make first contact with a brutal alien species that uses them more for breeding than food just because their employer only sees dollar signs. Or a bunch of naive college students trip out to the woods ends with their bodies eviscerated and their souls literally torn apart by demons beyond human comprehension who did it just to amuse themselves. Or a selfish abusive family man drags his family to a remote sketchy place in the middle of nowhere only to go crazy because of his lack of foresight and his inability to accept any real responsibility and grow up cause him to be susceptible to a horrible plan involving said family. Or a last of it's kind dinosaur is painfully irradiated to the point it lashes out on any nearby life, regardless if they're victims of the same disaster, only to die in one of the worst possible ways at the hands of a man who destroyed himself as well because he couldn't forget the full horrible implications of all that he found. Or, in the most isolated and inhospitable place on the planet, people deadened to any sort of attachment to each other, are invaded by an organism so alien to them, not can it look like something out of their nightmares, but it can also imitate them to such a degree so as to not only tear their bonds to each other asunder, if any, but can also make one realized how limited the human perception of the natural world, each other, and themselves really is.

I don't know why these make me feel cozy, but they do. Are they cozy to you? They might not be now. But they could be later. Along with much worse.

If the time comes you're ready, I'll wait for you deeper in the cave. We can share a blanket.