#he's so fun to eviscerate and try to understand

[beevean]

hiii i dont really have anything to say this is just an invitation to ramble if you ever want to. for freebies. talk at me ill take notes. rattle on about anything ill be quite gleeful about it. this is your free talking ticket (not that you need one per se but i thought the note that i like reading about your thoughts might be nice if nothing else)

Awwwww I appreciate the free ticket a lot 🥰 you're right, it's always nice to have confirmation that others care about your ramblings, so thank you :3

I'm using it because brain got stuck on a random thing: while I was in my phase of gorging on CoD fanfics, I found interesting how different fans interpreted the in-universe reasons for Isaac's appearance.

(sir. sir why do you look so good in a random ass mobile game)

He clearly cares a lot about how he appears. He styles his hair in a certain way, he wears eyeliner (red eyeliner that matches his hair even, which implies he put thought into the best color), he wears impractical but stylish high heels, and in the MF manga he's shown having long nails: while I interpret this as him striving to imitate vampire claws, it still would take a lot of manteinance, and he even hides them under his gloves. I have also pointed out that in PtR his uniform is kept more prim and proper than Hector's, weirdly enough. And with the exception of his uniform for obvious reasons, Isaac still puts care in his appearance after going insane with the Curse.

But what does it say about him?

Some fans seems to simply think he's kind of a peacock. He's vain, he's flamboyant, he knows he's the hot stuff, maybe he's really trying his hardest to hit on Hector lmao. It fits with his arrogant attitude. Maybe he's even a bit of a perfectionist/tryhard: he doesn't need to waste time putting on eyeliner, but damnit, he wants to look his best to work. A king, if you ask me.

Others seem to think it's a sad form of overcompensation. Isaac is not particularly pretty, especially compared to the very beautiful Hector. He has traits that others might see as ugly, like slanted eyes, a large mouth and a big nose. Even worse, while silver hair is obviously unnatural but can be seen as fascinating, red hair in that era was 100% seen as the mark of the devil - and Isaac's red is bright, attracts even more attention. It's not impossible that Isaac was abused for how he looked like, and has some sort of complex about it. In fact, we all know Isaac is the incarnation of the inferiority superiority complex: he has an arrogant, cocky attitude, but he's also extremely insecure about himself, his skills, and being seen as second best/not good enough. So maybe he spent most of his childhood hiding and being ashamed of himself, but now in the place where he truly belongs he has rebounded in the opposite direction: oh, you think I'm unsightly? Have all of me in glorious display! You think my hair marks me as a demon to extirpate? Why yes, I am a demon, and I'm not letting you forget it!

With this mentality, no wonder he'd cover himself head to toe in demonic tattoos that prove his utter loyalty to Dracula, and no wonder that, after he dies, he lets his clothes rot off his back to show even more of his self. He has nothing to hide anymore.

And he still wants to hit on Hector, obviously :P

[bananami]

A little couple's trivia with Nanami proves that he knows you all too well.

I did use the term wife and she/her pronouns just as a brief cw. The whole thing is just fluff. Nanami is in love with you. That's the whole things.

(I am delulu and in love with this man. Hope this helps us all heal. He is alive and well and no one can convince me otherwise. Also I love including Gojo's dumbass in everything. Also Yuji is a sweetheart and Nanami's son basically.)

"Please?" You're practically begging your husband, who doesn't seem to be budging.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Yeah Nanamin-"

"Don't call me that." Nanami cuts Gojo off immediately.

"But Yuji calls you that!"

"That's different." He glares at the white haired man like he's trying to eviscerate him with just his eyes. "And I'm not playing some stupid game just to prove how well I know my wife." He tries to pay attention to the paperwork in front of him again, wanting to finish it before 5pm. Because there was no way he was working overtime again today.

"Scared?" Gojo baited him. "Afraid I'm gonna ask you a question that's just too hard?"

"Gojo, there is nothing you could ask me about my wife that I wouldn't be able to answer."

A few of the students sat around watching the two go back and forth, inevitably waiting for Nanami to either get so annoyed that he walked away, or to take the bait. They hoped for the latter.

"Prove it! Or you forfeit your marriage."

"That's not how that works."

"C'mon Nanamin, it's just a game." Yuji gives the blonde sorcerer a sincere smile, hoping to lighten the mood and sway his decision just a bit.

"Don't call him Nanamin, Yuji- OW." Gojo is cut off as Nanami reaches over and smacks him in the head with the papers in his hand.

"Don't tell him what to do." Nanami sighs and rubs at his temple. He looks at the clock, then at you. It's the look in your eyes that gives way to his final decision. "Fine. You have until that clock reads 5, and then I'm taking my wife and we're going home."

Gojo wastes no time. "Who is your wife's favorite person? And think before you say yourself because-"

"Itadori. Next question."

"I'm your favorite person?!" Yuji jumps from his seat, latching his arms around you for a hug. It's obvious from the way that you smile and hug him back that Nanami is probably definitely right. You had a soft spot for the kid since you met him, playfully telling everyone that you and Nanami had basically adopted him since he arrived at Jujutsu High. Nanami would probably never verbalize it, but you could tell he felt the same about the boy.

"Ok, ok. Next question." Gojo thought hard before coming up with it. "How does your wife take her coffee?"

"She doesn't drink coffee."

"Yes she does, I bring her some like every morning."

"And she gives that coffee to me because she doesn't like it."

"You're telling me I've been buying you coffee this entire time?"

"I make her tea every morning when we get to work. You hand her the coffee, we trade cups. I don't understand how you've stared right at us when we do it and you somehow haven't noticed."

"Ok, then what tea does she drink?"

"Earl Grey, three sugars, a little bit of milk at the top. She'll say she's ok with English Breakfast or Lady Earl Grey if they're out of the regular. She's not, she's just being polite. She'll drink half and throw it away when she thinks no one is looking."

Gojo groans, not having as much fun as he thought he was going to at the beginning of all of this. "And I just bet you have a contingency plan for when your wife doesn't get her tea, don't you?"

"Of course I do," he ignores the even louder groan from Gojo, "I walk across the street to the cafe that sells her favorite pastries and I buy her five because I know that she'll want to share with her students and she'll try to split one with me even if I refuse. They have teabags they leave out so long as you're ordering something. Earl Grey, always in stock."

"Adorable." Gojo rolls his eyes.

"You're so smart, Nanamin!" Yuji jumps in. "Let me ask one! What's her favorite color?"

"Yuji, that's too easy."

"Yellow."

"Ohhhh, mine too," Yuji says, "why yellow?"

"Because it's-" Nanami stops mid-sentence and looks at the clock, like it will give him an excuse. Almost. "We don't need to worry about the why, that wasn't the original question."

Gojo perks up, clearly realizing he'd struck a nerve. And he was ready to work it. The red dusting across Nanami's cheeks told him everything he needed to know. "Are you embarrassed, Nanami?"

"Shut up, Gojo."

"Or do you just not know the answer? It's ok if you don't, I guess you just don't know your wife as well as you thought you did."

"If you don't stop talking, I'm going to tell everyone about the one time in high school when you and Geto got caught in the-"

"OK!" Gojo turns back to the students and motions them toward the door. "Time to go! Don't you all have something better to do? Go be little trouble makers somewhere. Go TP Yaga's lawn or something. Get out of here."

He'd ushered everyone out except Yuji, who stayed behind to wait for you and Nanami. The boy shyly looked away as you kissed Nanami's cheek before standing up, stating you just needed to grab your bag before you could leave.

Yuji waited for you to exit the room before he asked. "Is it because of your hair?"

Nanami sighs. "What makes you think that?"

Yuji just shrugs. "She loves you. Answers don't always need a complex reason."

Nanami can't help the smile that graces his face. "You're a smart kid sometimes, you know that?"

"That's why I'm her favorite!" His goofy nature is back in an instant. "Can I come over for dinner again tonight?"

"Of course you can."

"Can I stay over?"

"If you'd like to."

"Can I pick the movie we watch?"

"Don't push your luck."

[suguru-getos]

Could you write a continuation of yandere satosugu where the reader lived and they try everything to help her get better and care for her?

| making up for mistakes | yandere satosugu x reader |

-> continuation of the first part: link 🔗

you had survived the almost suicide attempt you so carefully & yet so carelessly attempted. you were sure you weren’t getting up after this. damn it you made sure to hit your head hard, you could see blanks, you could see stars in your eyes until it all faded to a peaceful nothing-ness.

now, you’re awake again. nothing hurts. you know they must’ve told their friend shoko to aid in your injuries. you feel like you’ve woken up from a long slumber. unwanted as it may be… it does make you feel eerily refreshed. you stretch your limbs from the bed, they’re going to kill you for this. kill you for hampering with their property. oh well — at this point you’re fine with it. what’s it going to do? hurt you. pain is all there is they could ever offer anyways. maybe you can scream out and wish it gets over. that’s all you set your mind to.

you look to the side, the curtains are open and there is a little drizzle of snow. it brings a smile to your face. what if you hadn’t been kidnapped? it would’ve been so fun to hop into one of the lovely cafes you like & order some hot cocoa. put both your hands and wrap them around the ceramic of the hot cup and exhale in utter relaxation of the aroma the sweet cafe has to offer. oh… happy days.

its nauseating what your life is now, wrapping a blanket around yourself and checking down below. you are wearing clothes, decent clothes… not the sultry, slutty ones that satoru forces you to wear. you feel like you could throw up when the reminder occurs again. beaten up like you were nothing but an animal, throwing up in pain and anxiety--

"there we go! princess! awake! oh my god!" satoru comes in and hugs you tightly, his bulky arms wrapping against you, he doesn't let your mind have the time to panic. besides, satoru was... not the one who inflicted you that pain. even though he did nothing about it, in a moment of pure misery, your mind would latch on to him for comfort. "baby- you scared daddy, please don't do that ever again. fuck! i thought i lost you." you could hear the heartbeats on your snow haired man, they were ragged and reminded of the same panic you once bore.

"sorry." your eyes lack all emotions, just a soft murmur escaping you. the haunting realization that you were alive was eating you up. even so, it was your soul that had died. it's the dejected way you answered that makes satoru panic even more. immediately at your knees, leaning against your thighs and mumbling soft apologies, tears wetting your skin. "please baby, I'm so sorry, i should never have let that happen... you did a mistake that's all! you- you- pissed us off." he shakes his head, hugging you tightly.

your hands robotically landed across his hair, caressing. "it's okay, i did wrong, i understand."

your responses were making him nauseous, he hated seeing you in pain, but suguru always says its something that's needed. why is it needed? you're not an animal, are you? the ways with which satoru and suguru try to 'discipline' their toy they are delusional enough to call their lover is insane.

"i got breakfast, little one." now, your heart sinks. you hear the voice of the man who did this to you, mothering, now that his rage is faded into pure, eviscerating guilt. "you have no idea the joy it gives me seeing you awake." suguru hums, and you latch onto satoru, hugging him tightly. satoru's heart skips a beat. this was not the first time you had reached out to him, yet, you did it by your own. it gives him a sick sense of protectiveness. "he wouldn't do anything to ya baby, suguru loves you too." he reminds, looking at a devastated suguru.

"please don't hurt yourself again, angel" suguru hums, leaning in and kissing your forehead. it makes you sick to your stomach, how they treat you right now. you know that whatever you did yielded no results. and they are ever so careful about the same. you're pretty sure you'd have either of them by your side at all times.

"let's go and eat, suguru's made your favorite!" satoru chirps, happily holding you princess-style and going to the dining area. your eyes wandered to the other room on the way, the same room where this all happened, it's making you panic internally. the grotesque reminder of how they treated you. you're about to throw up again.

as soon as satoru puts you down, you run to throw up in disgust, nothing comes out except a few drops of water. your stomach is empty as is. a large, looming hand caresses your back. "I'm sorry, angel. please relax." suguru-- it's suguru...

"i'm sorry." you answered, "i am so sorry." you nodded to get back to the dining area, you should know better than to be with satoru. its not like suguru wouldn't do anything he wants anyways... you'd just like to have some comfort over it.

luckily for you, the breakfast went fine, you were eating quietly, while satoru just observed you. how uncomfortable you looked, the subtle shift in your demeanor. every tiny thing. suguru is essentially doing the same, gazing at your way and observing you. "you look beautiful." suguru comments, and you force a smile from the deepest pits of your psyche. "thank you, suguru."

you know he's ticked off, you need to call them 'daddy' and you're here, addressing them by their first names. sigh... they just have to help you heal, there isn't anything they can do about it really. they pushed you this far, and they should make up for it.

however, as days turn into weeks, satoru and suguru are forced to face the haunting realization that your mental and physical health is worsening. you barely eat, barely talk... you just, stare into the nothingness of empty spaces. satoru has avoided missions to take care of you. he is by your side, sleeps next to you, kisses your forehead, helps you take a shower. while earlier, you tried to at least pretend and work with it. answer however you could, talk to them, fake your smiles, now its nothing. you barely talk.

this time, satoru has a mission to take care of, but suguru is the one who's spending time with you. gently placing you on the bathtub, caressing your forearm, massaging it, decorating it with petals. "there we go little girl, there we go. feels nice?" he coos, and when you don't respond, sighs weakly. he wishes he could at least hear something out of you. when he sees you immersed in auto-pilot, he hums by himself; "yes, yes it is." he has to talk to himself in hopes that its you talking to him. "you know, me and satoru... we were thinking a trip to Italy sounds nice, or maybe Paris.." you used to love travelling, he hopes that would utter out a response from you. NOTHING comes out of you however. that makes suguru's heart break a little, "or maybe, anywhere that you like." he hums, sighing.

"angel?" he asks softly, leaning in and kissing your neck, maybe that would at least earn some leaning back. your resistance...

none.

"talk to me for fucks sake!" suguru snarls, glaring hard at you. you don't even flinch at that, contrary to your earlier flinching and tweaking. a sigh escapes him and then comes bubbling tears. he has truly fucked you up. the haunting realization finally hits him. he can't live with it anymore... it's choking the very fiber of his being.

the rest of the shower passes by in a haze, and suguru is quiet, tears dripping from his face. "what should i do so that you become normal again?" he asks again, pouting and begging with his eyes. no response...

he gets up after tucking you in bed. the dark circles in your eyes are an explicit example of how less you're sleeping. sometimes you wake up with irritating nightmares, screaming and crying. that's the only moment when satoru and suguru are welcomed by your affections.

suguru sighs, he needs to win you this time. or maybe... what's that called? stockholm syndrome?

or maybe, he needs to discuss with satoru about erasing your memory...

or maybe, he needs a curse that can shove your memory off and then they can date you.. from scratch...

either way, they're not leaving you. anytime soon.

[alexanderlightweight]

Hi Lumine!! I hope your day is going great, I got to sleep in today! 9 hours of sleep!!!!!

Can I request some more mistaken sugar baby Alec from the 'your heart is full of jewels' AU

I'm in a sfw mood, but it's really not hard and fast if you want to write some nsfw or suggestive content

Thank you!

hi!!! that is amazing!!!! i'm so happy for you! good and proper rest (yes I realize this is hypocritical but i'm an insomniac okay) is really important for you! like wow does it change even how your day goes and how you see the world around you. I hope you had a beautiful day!

oh fuck, it's been forever since I wrote in this verse and let me tell you. Magnus is so pleased with how his day is going and I hope you enjoy. it's got no angst I promise and is completely sfw <3 and even comes with notes because of course I can't resist notes for this verse and a pinch of an outside view and a sprinkled mention of Ragnor and Catarina.

<3 lumine

-

your heart is full of jewels

Alec is really just more bemused than anything else.

The day seemed to be going normal, and then everything had gone sideways from his expectations.  He’s not complaining, mind you.  Alec never enjoys life so much as when it deviates from his plans because of Magnus.

It’s one of the special benefits of dating a warlock with something Catarina once explained to him as magical ADHD. He hadn’t had the heart to explain to her that he has no idea what that even was and Alec had secretly researched it himself on the mundane side of things to have better awareness before going to ask her more questions.

Something Cat had laughed at him for.  

Apparently while it was good that he tried to learn on his own without relying on other people to teach him as needed, it is still okay to ask and admit what he doesn’t know.

Which Alec will admit feels extremely unrealistic in his experience but he also knows that Magnus and Ragnor and Cat are far different people to those he grew up around.

It’s honestly a relief every time he can talk among them — uneducated in comparison to their wealth of knowledge — and ask questions without being completely eviscerated.

Even if Ragnor can be rather savage with his rebuttals.

Which somehow leads them here.  To a mundane shop Alec doesn’t recognize or really understand, following Magnus as he explains things with words Alec also doesn’t recognize or understand.

Which happens a lot whenever Magnus speaks in mundane around him.

“Magnus, when  am I even going to use one of these?” It takes a while for him to ask the question, having too much fun enjoying Magnus explaining details he’s really not following.  It’s the watching Magnus and hearing him talk part that he enjoys and understands.

But eventually he gets there.

Even if they’ve already spent two hours in the showcase room at that point and Alec is about to go for a test drive of a motorcycle he wasn’t even aware he needed.

He’s still not sure why he needs one or what prompted this.

“For when you refuse to let me portal you and try to run around New York by foot for days on end.” Magnus mutters, clearly unconcerned with Alec’s opinion and well... that’s fine.

Alec doesn’t mind having easier ways to get to Magnus without magic and if this makes the man he loves less obstinate about portaling him around — even drained of magic — then Alec will take it.

And the opportunity to fully press himself up against Magnus and insist he drive first.

After all, what if Alec breaks the mundane bike before Magnus commissions it out to a warlock specializing in mechanics.

—

Terry really didn’t need this day to be any more convoluted. 

The morning had been slow, it’s a weekday so that’s not too surprising and it gives him time to focus on overdue paperwork.

At least that’s the plan until somehow, for some reason, they get a call from the higher ups to not just close down the shop for the day to the public — and no it's not a sudden holiday, of course it isn’t — because they’re about to have private viewers.

Terry really doesn’t expect much.

This happens from time to time.  Sometimes it's brands wanting to pick a bike for a commercial, someone with a lot of money and time to waste, or sometimes it's a business favor.

Terry doesn’t care as to the reason — higher than his pay grade and he has enough to think about — but he does care when two very attractive men walk in together, at the time slot provided by his manager.

They’re... really infuriating.

That’s all Terry can think.

He tries to open his mouth to start his most popular sales pitch and then he’s shooed away.

Shooed! Like an errant busboy lingering around a table for too long to avoid the kitchen — something Terry definitely never did in his youth — and he can’t even be upset about it!

It was far too attractive!

So instead of his normal job, he’s just left to carefully follow behind the pair as the one in charge Magnus Bane was the name he introduced himself with.  He didn’t actually introduce his partner, now that Terry thinks about it.  Magnus Bane had instead kind of just put a hand on the back of his — way too tall — partner and walked off.  He also hasn’t stopped talking since he arrived — and honestly it's almost like he knows more about bikes than Terry.

Which is downright insulting considering the guy is clearly not an avid rider and here for leisure and this is one of Terry’s special interests.  It’s galling to be out-performed by someone who has it as a hobby!

It’s fine though.  

It’s fine.  

Even if they only buy one bike, that’s good enough for Terry... and the eyecandy doesn’t hurt either. So, deciding that he either suffers mentally or just lets himself bask in the aura of a natural podcaster, he chooses the latter. After all, self preservation and the new info he can learn about his special interest are far more important.  

Not that Terry has normally ever had self-preservation when it came to bikes before, once he thinks about it.  He probably still doesn’t, since Terry is pretty sure half the information the guy knows is probably illegal.  

It feels like it.

Terry has never seen the original blueprints for any of these models and this guy, Magnus, has a pocket full of them for his boyfriend to compare.

Or his sugar baby.

Terry has never actually encountered one before in the wild, but he also knows that sometimes, he can be a bit oblivious.  

However, never let it be said that Terry cannot make a connection and connect the dots... eventually.

And really, you cannot buy a dozen motorcycles for a guy who doesn’t even want them without being a sugar daddy.

Really, Terry is about to go find one for himself and is awestruck that he never considered this before.

Twelve bikes.

All the most expensive makes and models with everything good added and everything unnecessary taken out.  A variety of colors and helmets — which is good, safety is important even if the dude’s boy rolled his eyes — and Terry really has to rethink his newfound ability to apply the word ‘boy’ to a man twice his size.

It shouldn’t work.

But it does.

After his realization Terry really can’t look at the two of them without seeing Magnus Bane and thinking ‘that’s his boy’ for his companion without even considering that he has a name.

—

AN:

(terry is an autistic queer with a hyper fixation on motorcycles. If that wasnt clear lol now it is. Is he cis? Is he bi? Is he trans? Is he genderfluid? Who the fuck knows enjoy your own headcanons ^_^)

Also yes. Alec calls anything that's based on the mundane world the mundane language because he has no reference for half of the shit being explained to him so its basically another language for him. that he has no interest in learning beyond the basics for Magnus' sake.

Also Magnus and Alec really out here in their own worldviews

Magnus: if you’re not going to let me portal you even on the verge of me being unconscious — and really alexander how could you be so callous i just want you safe and near me — then you’re getting a bike. Do you know how many times you’ve come home and just spent soaking your feet in the morning???? you don't even let me massage them for you half the time! claiming you don't want me to 'waste my energy'

Alec: ... yeah okay. If this means you stop trying to portal me while magically bleeding out then yeah. also Magnus you can't massage my feet while asleep. and you fall asleep almost every time you do it. anways I know how to — suddenly realizes his opportunity — actually magnus i don’t know how to ride a mundane bike. At all. Only magically reinforced ones so if you want me to test these bikes you’ll have to drive and i’ll just ride behind. otherwise I might break them and cause an accident.

Magnus: fine by me

Alec to himself: i am genius. I am so sneaky and manipulative he doesn’t even realize i just want to press myself tight to him while we ride

Magnus to himself: i’m so glad i mentioned that none of these bikes have magical warding on them. True i could do a temporary one but then i wouldn't get alexander clinging to me

These two share ONE fucking braincell between them when it comes to each other. And typically it’s Magnus’ magic that normally actually uses it.

Magnus: ... you know i sprung this on Alexander really suddenly. I’m just not going to bother with mundane things and i’ll leave a nice tip big enough to make up for any societal rudeness. 

Also Magnus: no one else needs to know his name. It’s mine. He’s mine. I’m not dealing with a repeat of that one incident where we BOTH got hit on and i can spot a fellow queer from a country away. No temptation, no problem, if everyone knows he's mine then they know neither of us are available.

Magnus: ... this guy is practically salivating as he follows us—- oh special interest. Okay thats fine. I’ll add a blueprint to his tip since he’s aiding my goal in decking out alexander with proper safety goal. This is amazing.

Terry at one point got too overwhelmed by how many eyerolls Alec had during Magnus’ insisting he try on helmets and gave a whole safety speech that had Alec just going ‘you know what. I can’t handle this. I’ll take whatever Magnus and you think i need. Magnus you can even pick out the colors. I’m done. Please stop talking. My special interest is Magnus and the only reason i’m handling any of this because he’s here but i would like to be off this ride now.

Magnus taking them to Australia to bike on the coastlines: is this better?

Alec holding tightly to Magnus and enjoying his own special interest at long last. Which is magnus: no. we should do another path. Maybe two just for good measure. 

Magnus mentally: i really intended for us to be on separate bikes but he’s so adorable like this i’ll save that for tomorrow 

The next day:

Alec: ... you expect us to ride separately .... when we’re both out together?? On dates? In our own personal freetime? MAgnus I have never been so insulted, devastated, betrayed, tricked, tortured —-

Magnus: oh for liltihs sake alexander. We’ll store the bikes evenly between my loft and the Institute and when we go for outings together we’ll just take one? Are you happy??

Magnus internally: i love him. I love him so much. I can never let him realize how cute he is when he gets grumpy and possessive.

Also the fact that Terry has slowly over the course of like 4 hours been indoctrinated into not even considering that Alec has a name beyond ‘belongs to Magnus’.

Mission accomplished. Magnus would be thrilled to know how successful his plan is.  Even if he’s still amused that everyone thinks he’s Alexander’s sugar daddy. Because lets be real, Magnus wishes he was Alexander’s sugar daddy and that Alec didn’t have to leave to go be a big strong competent HOTI with a lot of things on his plate

The High Warlock of Brooklyn is suffering because of his Alexander’s competence. okay? because as hot as it is it also means his boy is hot in demand.

from other people.

also yes.

alec is autistic (like in all my fics)

and Magnus has ADHD (like in all my fics)

[nomsfaultau]

Philza Malewife Competition Round 14

Previous rounds: Cleaning. Cooking. Decorating. Karens. Sick Day. Eggs. Hugs. Venting. DIY. Gifts. Valentines. Bullies. Field Trip. Mental Health. Current points: The Lambs Wolves Wear (3), Lighting Lanterns (1), Weight in Gold (3), Golden Apples (2), Fault (2), Lord! (1), Babies? (3), Mandatory Family Reunion (0). And an honorary point to qsmp for a guest appearance.

For a quick synopsis for the fics I’m referencing- those are here

Next round: Hide and seek. Is the Philza a good hider? Better question: are his children good seekers? Does he even understand the point of the game?

Fault: He is a good hider. His large wings and tail make it harder to hide, but he makes up for it with clever spots and a high mobility. This Philza is sneaky and will try to run around mid game to spots already checked, using his keen senses to evade detection. However...Tubbo has millions of eyes, canonically cheats in games, and hates Philza. They'll go out of their way to use bees to lead a different seeker to him. So this Philza is found first no matter what.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!: He does not understand the point of the game, and immediately turns invisible so he cannot be seen. Tommy, who literally was given special eyes that alert him to danger BY KRISTIN, can see him. Even if he couldn't, this Philza taunts the seeker openly and his gloating would give him away. But he's a twit about the language being 'seen' and not 'found' and refuses to accept he's lost.

Where do babies come from?: Cold. It's so, so cold. He'd hidden in the fridge for a bit, since his kids always checked there first. A cute inside joke, since that's where he found them after all. But this time he couldn't get the door to budge. The walls were too thick for anyone to hear his screams. This Philza faded slowly, until at last succumbing to the cold. His blood oozes out of the ventilation shafts.

The Lambs Wolves Wear: He hides in one of the holes "Tommy" left in the house, trusting in "Wilbur's" illusion to cover him. He covers his mouth and tries not to scream as the scrape of claws gets ever closer. His hammering heartbeat gives him away to the sharp eared monsters.

Mandatory Family Reunion: Now, he could go off grid in his bunker that's hidden from the entire world, but that's no fun! This Philza understands the point of hide and seek is to have fun, not win. He's very blatantly hiding behind the curtains.

Worth far more than your weight in gold: He burrows into his pile of gold to hide. It's not very cozy. But if he can't see you, you can't see him, right?

Lighting lanterns to bring you home: He literally. Just gets on a horse and rides away. Good luck finding him if he's gone! This Philza is well adept at outsmarting impossible tasks and is a dirty cheat to boot. And the entire plot of the fic would go out the window if the gods had the magical ability to instantly find people, so, they're struggling to keep up.

Golden Apples (Gilded Atrophy): His corpse dissolves into smoke. A lacerated final life draws into the air, and is eviscerated by golden strings as the Golden Apple devours the rest of him. Gold and emerald drops of experience are left, shining bright and slowly drifting to the rotting apple. This Philza does not respawn.

[messiahzzz]

as much as i dislike the dialogue option that leads to this scene, i genuinely appreciate gale's response. it is easy to overlook what he is actually trying to convey here and is instead commonly dismissed as him being "overdramatic" or as a display of his bruised ego.

player: it was fine. gale: i see. gale: well, fine is... fine. nobody weeps because the weather is fine. no monarchs were overthrown because their ruling was fine. no artworks were burned because they were not masterpieces, but merely fine. player: would you have rather i lied? gale: the dignified thing for me to say is 'no. of course not. forthrightness before all.' but honestly? yes... i would have rather you lied. gale: i'm just a man. an imperfect one, with needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel. a fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power. gale: perhaps it would be better to not shake such a vessel. gale: forgive me. these were already trying times before elminster delivered his missive. now, for me at least, they are potentially end times.

gale is no stranger to introspection. despite having his natural blindspots, he is fully aware of his flaws and imperfections. he lacks an inherent sense of self-preservation, displays impatience on occasion, can be hypocritical, has trouble handling pointed criticism well, and has a tendency to respond in passive aggression if he feels his competence is brought into question. he seeks admiration and is known to not honor his limitations and own safety for the sake of receiving praise.

gale: [...] people have always commented on my confidence, sometimes my over-confidence, and in one particularly cut throat assessment at university - my 'abject and incorrigible self-delusion.'

gale is not blind to how he is perceived by others, nor does he dismiss their conclusions without careful consideration. instead of deflecting he simply takes what they dish out and files it away for later contemplation and inspection.

player: because you acted the idiot. and paid the price for it too. gale: as always, i endeavor to be invigorated by your candour, rather than eviscerated by it. gale: blunt as your summation is - it's correct. i dared to call myself an archmage while acting the apprentice. the hallmarks of a most excellent idiot, unfortunately.

player: i can't say i share the same high opinion of you, gale. gale: always bringing such candour to our conversations. some would think twice about mocking gale of waterdeep, but you just go straight for the gut. nodecontext: playing along, making fun of himself gale: i like that about you. it's one of your rarer qualities, though i fear my ego can take no more of it tonight. nodecontext: cheerfully accepting the brush off, not taking it personally

needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel.

gale craves as mortals do. for relevance, safety, consideration, loyalty, care, acceptance, and love. he's desperate, he's angry, he's petty and hurt and lonely. he's contradictory, and at times inconsistent. he's afraid, he stumbles, he yearns. if he loves, he does so with all his heart but forgets to extend the same love to himself. he gains understanding only to disregard it later. he is absorbed yet devoted. he expects kindness but is bewildered when it is extended to him in turn. he's neither a perfect colleague, a perfect companion, a perfect lover, nor a perfect husband. he's just another human who's trying to navigate and make sense of the world. who is silently hoping for his soul to be handled with tenderness and care, to finally be seen for who he is —no need for performance or pretense — and to be unconditionally cherished nonetheless.

a fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power.

he knows the burden he carries. understanding that even a momentary lapse in judgment could spell catastrophe if he doesn't exert tight control over his emotions at all times. he knows what is at stake should he lose the composure he painstakingly had to master. a mere moment is all it takes. this self-assessment isn't an "indirect threat" intended to subject pressure on tav or solicit pity, it's a stark acknowledgment of the truth. he is a fragile human, housing powers that should've never been his in the first place.

player: unbelievable. did you ever think what would happen if the tadpole got the better of you? gale: every waking moment. every dreaming moment too. but there was no way out.

he is also keenly aware of how his (former) colleagues perceive him, following his fall from grace.

player: bold. few would dare to reduce a goddess to their 'muse.' gale: i am, after all, the villain of the tale.

this line in particular is one i often think about. it makes me wonder about the extent of information gale received from the outside world after locking himself in his tower for an entire year, setting magical wards so no one but tara would be able to enter. did he hear the whispers? ("shunned by the goddess of magic herself, of course, it was only a matter of time before he flew too close to the sun.") were his colleagues ridiculing him, applauding mystra for cutting off the rot at the source? how did he arrive at the assumption that he is perceived as "the villain" and not the victim?

player: you must have been lonely, with only tara for company.. gale: sometimes. but i imposed it upon myself, after all. i set up enough wards to keep an army at bay, never mind the few colleagues who sought to inquire about my welfare.

or is this solely his own harsh judgment of his folly? that there is no chance anyone would meet him with sympathy, kindness and understanding after what he had wrought. he was too greedy, too impatient — selfish in arrogance, ravenous in ambition. letting delusions of grandeur guide him. he brought it all upon himself with his lack of patience. entirely convinced of his success and skill, blind to the possibility of failure. now doomed to drag innocents into the abyss with him. the hallmarks of a villain, right? after all, who would truly believe him that his ambition hid no ill will?

players: by rights. i should kill you. gale: perhaps that is what i deserve, but you deserve no such thing. [...]

[hrrtshape]

Emma this is a weird question but have you ever told coryo to shut up? like not in an enemies to lovers way but when he was genuinely annoying you or something? I just feel like when I shift for someone i love so so much and spent hours listening and loving their voice in this reality, i wouldn't be able to bring myself to tell them that even when they are being annoying af lol

YES. real journalism !!!!! tragically yes. i have told coryo to shut up. multiple times. i have done it mid-tears. mid-dissociation. mid-manic pixie spiral.

and not in the haha enemies to lovers banter teehee shut up you silly goose <3 kind of way. no. i mean like in the "don’t look at me don’t speak to me don’t even breathe near me unless you want to get metaphorically eviscerated by a girl who just had a feelings flare-up like a bad knee in the rain" kind of way.

as a girl with bpd (and a taste for melodrama and men with cold hands and her bpd which she clings onto for some reason), there are moments, very micro, very blink-and-you’ll-miss-it coded, where someone will sometimes say something like slightly ironic or lightly teasing and my entire nervous system just goes mayday. "abandon ship. you are about to be mocked. you are about to die." even if i know they’re joking. even if i know he loves me. even if i just saw him fold my socks like a man on the brink. something inside me goes: "no. we’re being ridiculed. this is court. he is the jester. we are the guillotine. he is literally making fun of me. he literally cannot understand that i am about to cry."

so when coryo does that thing (you know the thing, the little smirk. the eyebrow raise. the "oh you’re mad?" that makes me feel like a wounded war general being talked down to by a barista) it’s just. game over. like girl i shut down. i become statue. art piece. trauma relic. and then it’s like roulette. either he gets very soft (in which case COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOESSSSSSSSSSSSS) or he tries to double down in the flirtiest, most annoying way imaginable. in which case i have literally said, out loud: "shut up. please. i’m not kidding. i don't want to speak with you." and then just vanished. into thin air.

it’s not that i don’t love him. i do. like disgustingly so. medieval poetry so. but love doesn’t cancel the need for psychic bubble wrap. and sometimes i just need to be held like a bonnet with feelings. sometimes i need a break from the banter. sometimes i need the boy i love to not try to be funny when my inner child is trying to file a lawsuit.

so yeah. in short. you can adore someone’s voice like it’s scripture and still need them to zip it when your limbic system starts throwing plates. love is huge. but my trauma is somehow huger. and that’s okay!!!!! we're growing. we're healing. we're saying “shut up” and meaning “i need you to see me raw and still choose to stay.”

anyway. solidarity from one feral heart to another

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

REWATCHING GO S1, LIVE PLAY-BY-PLAY OF DOOMSDAY WAHOO

HELLO MAGGOTS REWATCHING SEASON 1 BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME WAS A KIDNAPPING CHAOTIC MESS. EPISODE ONE HERE GOES. I DON'T REMEMBER A LOT OF DETAILS BUT YES.

Opening scene and Earth's got vibe-checked by God and I've been gaslit about the dinosaurs

GARDEN OF EDEEEEEN wow his first appearance and Aziraphale's already so prissy and flustered might fuck around and fall in love with him idk

I finally understand who these mf's are hi Hastur and Ligur you're not zombies after all

FOR FUCK'S SAKE SECOND SCENE CROWLEY'S BEEN IN AND SHE WALKED IN, SERVED HIPS HAIR AND CUNT, AND THEN MANAGED TO TALK HER AWAY INTO A PROBLEM

LIKE GENUINELY SHE COMES AND SASHAYS WITH HER HAIR AND SAYS TIMES ARE CHANGING AND HEAD OFFICE LOVES ME AND JUST INSTANTLY HASTUR AND LIGUR USE HER WORDS AGAINST HER

idk sister mary loquacious is kinda doing it for me rn with that satanic nun's habit and losergirl energy

third crowley scene and he's misplaced THE LITERALLY GODDAMNED ANTICHRIST because he made small talk with a bloke outside without checking for details

mmmmhm yes sister mary wink again your bitchless decisions are sexy y'know what i mean

Gabriel feels like his brain was eviscerated and replaced with one of those youtuber's paid course promos at the end of their how to change your life in 45 days: three simple mindset shifts video

so THIS IS WHY EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING PAVLOVIAN IN THIS FANDOM IT'S BECAUSE OF DUCKS of course it's because of ducks

mmmhm yes sure crepes French revolu--Crowley stop eye-fucking Aziraphale you're making everyone at the Ritz horny

Aziraphale don't moan into your food man you can't take these two anywhere

Crowley thanking the driver for slowing down is everything to me

And they're drunk hu-fucking-zzah good thing we'll have 11 year olds saving the world coz these fuckers sure ain't doing shit

OH MY GOD HE WAS TRYING TO SAY BOUILLABAISSE I JUST REALISED. I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST MAKING KISSY FACES AT AZIRAPHALE I'M NOT OK-

What Aziraphale was doing back was definitely kissy faces though that mfer wasn't even trying to say bouillabaisse when Crowley said what sounded suspiciously like baby

kissy kissy from lil miss prissy [i would have made such a great high school bully shame i had no inclinations that way]

SORRY WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK WAS THAT SOBERING UP EXCUSE ME THE FANFICS MADE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS A CLICK AND THEY'RE SUDDENLY NORMAL WHY IS THE ALCOHOL REFILLING

oop nun down nun down

i want ya see a wile ya thwart amirite on a t-shirt

"actually i encourage humans to-" just say you're a lazy bitch azi we love you

love crowley fake-manipulating azi into helping like azi wants to be manipulated y'know so it's not technically his fault he was wiled over or whatever and they're both just such ENABLERS

not azi going SOFT at being godfathers with crowley

NOT BROTHER FRANCIS PLEASE NO FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AZI WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS PLEASE

WARLOCKKKKK I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HNNNG MICHAEL SHEEN HAD TOO MUCH FUN WITH THIS

why is nanny ashtoreth so seductive with that of course dear is it just crowley's inherent disastergirl sex appeal

HALF PONYTAIL CROWLEY I AM A FUCKING SLUT FOR HALF PONYTAIL

GASLIGHTING HEAVEN AND HELL THAT'S MY BABYGIRLS

erIC THE DISPOSABLE DEMON I DIDN'T KNOW THEY COME IN S1 well not come i hope unless being eaten by a hellho--nope

ANGEL CROWLEY SAID ANGEL ANGEL ANGEL

CROWLEY TRYING TO BE SUBTLE ABOUT KILLING BEFORE GETTING ANNOYED

waiter crOWLEY OUTFIT I CANNOT BE NORMAL AFTER THE WEDDING DRESS DESIGNING ABOUT THIS COSTUME

FOOLS WRONG BOY YOU FOOLS IM DEAD

DOG IS UNIRONICALLY SO CUTE EVEN BEFORE IT GOES SMOL

gonna give my roxie a kissy brb she's my angel and all this dog talk makes me miss her (she's a few feet away under the bed)

i asked her for a kissy and she crawled out and gave me a kiss i love her

DOGGGGG ADAMMM

...roxie's crying to be taken downstairs it's nearly 2 am this is on me for waking her up i crowley'd myself fml

EYYYYY WELCOME TO THE END TIMES don't mind me I'll have to take roxie down yes I know maggots I'm crowley-coded I KNOW THAT I'M A BLOODY DISASTER BYEEEEEEEE

[brw]

Can't stop thinking about this one fascinating moment in about 2021-2022-ish where there was drama, I suppose, on comic twitter, where a popular user was revealed to work for the U.S. military. This user was gay and generally acted as or portrayed himself as on the radical left side of things but seemingly also was pretty proud of (or at the very least, saw his participation as justified) being a soldier so people were understandably making fun of him for being part of the US military machine. And for some ungodly reason that I can't even begin to guess at, his reaction to this drama was to host a twitter spaces??? where he could try to explain himself I guess?

Anyway I log onto twitter one day and see a solid portion of my mutuals, as well as I believe 200~ other users on this twitter space, and I joined not knowing what the hell is going on. The man in question was getting just, completely eviscerated by a user who, I'm not sure where they lived, but was very upfront at being from a nation who has suffered extensively at the hands of the US military and was asking how he could talk about himself as being radical and intersectional and progressive while showing zero remorse for the lives the institution he was part of took, and he was just sort of uncomfortably uhm-ing for a bit. As it turns out, his husband (part of his justification for joining the military was that it paid for his wedding?) was on the twitter space with him, NOT MUTED, but staying completely silent nonetheless. A lot of people found this very funny, the idea of sitting next to your partner on the couch while he gets absolutely eaten up on the internet and saying and doing absolutely nothing to stop it to save face.

Beyond this the whole thing was kind of lame so I left and joined another random twitter space populated by other comic twitter users and I then had a very in depth conversation with someone who said that she thought Kitty Pryde was trans, because, and I quote, "I've never seen a flat-chested Ashkenazi cis woman". Yes, this user was Ashkenazi themself. We also talked about how The Vision is a dyke.

And that was my brush up with twitter drama, and I still think about this conversation every time I think about Kitty Pryde 3 years after the fact.

[nayvwriter]

Cool, ramble ask: Omnicron

Okay. Omnicron.

(nexomon series spoilers)

So as previously mentioned, Omnicron is the character in Nexomon series on my 'just blanket evil' list. Even Xanders is somewhat understandable and has his own morality.

That being said, his character can be an excellent plot device. Need a big bad for someone to beat up? Omnicron! Need a reasoning behind the actions of Omnicron's children? Omnicron!

I have a few back-of-the-pile AUs where one or more of (non-Nara) Omnicron's children gets to beat up Omnicron. They are very satisfying. They also mostly involve time travel, because gestures at the plot of N1 and the fact the redemption arcs happened after it. The alternative is either earlier redemption arcs or a serious amount of canon divergence.

So my number one headcanon is that Omnicron is a terrible father. Probably physically and emotionally abusive too. He didn't want children - he wanted tools, he wanted weapons. That's what the Children of Omnicron are. They're living weapons.

But they're living, so they have their own opinions. Omnicron didn't like that. So how to solve this... simply make sure his weapons stayed sharp and loyal, using whatever he had to to do so. He didn't care about them at all.

I don't think Omnicron was cartoonishly, obviously evil. I think he had a scarier kind of malevolence - the kind that hides itself behind charisma, behind manipulation. Why else would his children follow him, despite everything?

I also think Omnicron deliberately tried to freak out Ulzar, and n1 protag too. A last revenge, or an ambition to someday return and leave the humans weakened? Who can tell. And it worked, too.

It's interesting to compare this to Metta. I think Metta was the most loyal of them all, and I also think he was the one Omnicron was most scared of. Because they're really similar. Both carrying all the elements. Both (in my headcanon) holding ambition and charisma.

I think Omnicron sees Metta as a threat, but doesn't want to act on this because at the moment he has Metta loyal to him and he doesn't want to jeopardise that. I want to do something fun with this someday (mostly make Metta realise this).

But the difference between them is that Metta actually cares. Not about humanity, but about Nexomon, about his siblings, about anyone other than himself. Omnicron doesn't.

Didn't.

Because the other thing about Omnicron is that he's dead. By the time of n2, he's well and truly gone, but the world will never forget his name. Never forget his terrible legacy. Even dead, even with his very soul eviscerated, he's still causing unrest and strife simply because people remember him. And they know how evil he was.

He's a mere object of scary stories, for some, dead and gone. For others, he's a reason to distrust Tyrants. For the Children of Omnicron, he's their traumatic backstory, who moulded them into weapons and they're still trying to erase the marks he made.

For Solus, he's a cautionary tale, a worry in the back of their mind. They're definitely not the only one to make the connection, but they do make the connection, and they'll do all they can to prevent another Omnicron situation. (As, possibly, will others.)

Though evil, Omnicron shaped this world in so many ways, for better or for worse.

[crossdressingdeath]

Orin: Husk. Maggot. A Bhaalspawn, slip-sliding in filth with these pigs. You don't deserve the Murder Lord's blessing. Kyvir: That's rich, coming from you. You're the child of a father and his daughter. Your mother was Sarevok's daughter. Orin: No no NO NO NO! He didn't... Filthy, pig-mouthed little LIAR! Orin: Grandfather loves me. He worships me. How dare you smear his name. It will not save you. Kyvir: [PERSUASION] He's your father, Orin. He abused your mother. He abused you. Orin: No. Not him. Not him... I did all this for him. Everything... everything... Bhaal Avatar: No, Orin. You did this for me. Orin: Bhaal... Father, they lie to me. They lie! Bhaal Avatar: You hesitate. If you will not fight for my blessing, I will make you something crueller. A deserving sacrifice for my child's ascension. [...] Sceleritas Fel: The changeling stands no chance, fiendish one. Eviscerate her! Orin: *ROAR!*

That transformation sequence is brutal. I actually feel really bad for Orin here. She hesitates for just a moment and Bhaal swoops in and warps her into the Slayer before she can even consider the idea that maybe she no longer wants to fight her "sibling" with the reveal that she's not Bhaal's child and in fact is the offspring of Sarevok and his own daughter. All Bhaal would've had to do was say "Yes, they're lying to you" and Orin would likely have gone right back to fighting for his favour. After all, who's she going to trust? Her much-hated sibling/a total stranger, or the god she's been groomed her whole life to be loyal to? But instead she hesitates for just a second and looks to her god for reassurance, and he forcibly transforms her into a monster on the off chance she might decide for the first time in her life that she doesn't want to fight. I find myself wondering if making her hesitate enough that Bhaal steps in makes the fight easier, too, because honestly she was not a hard fight. I could've done it without the Slayer if it hadn't been for The Vibes.

Also, playing Durge gives the Persuasion option there a fun feel; the initial "That's rich, coming from you" feels mocking (understandable, given she just took their form to mock them for the way she sliced open their skull and destroyed their mind while they screamed), but the Persuasion option feels surprisingly genuine. Especially in the context of a Durge who ultimately rejects Bhaal, there's a sense that they might really be trying to convince Orin that Sarevok and by extension Bhaal have been using and abusing her and don't deserve her loyalty. I won't lie, the idea of Durge making a genuine attempt to convince their "sister"/niece/great-niece to stop fighting for the people who hurt her so badly the same way they did for some of the party and the party did for them is very very good and sweet and the way they never get the opportunity to find out if they had even the slightest chance of succeeding in getting through to her because the moment she pauses, even to insist they're lying and beg Bhaal to confirm that, her humanity (for lack of a better word when she's not actually human) is torn from her in order to serve her up as an offering to Durge because as far as Bhaal's concerned she's proved herself unreliable just like that is deeply sad. I'm getting the increasing sense that there's a bit of a theme with the Chosen where even if they wanted to change they're in so deep with the Dead Three now that they'd never be allowed to; Durge only managed to get away because Orin's attack gave them so much amnesia they forgot they were Bhaal's favourite kid.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Sympathy for the She-Hulk

It's been, what? Three years since She-Hulk: attorney at law aired and i kind of wanted to revisit it, mostly because i saw a cat on the Youtubes ranting about it recently. This show is held up as the worst thing the MCU has ever produced, and that chaffs my ass a little bit because f*cking Dark World exists. THAT is the worst thing the MCU has ever produced. it's nuts to think about but Thor has got one of the best entries and two of the worst, in the franchise to date. Way back during it's original run, i remember liking Shulkie but thinking it was kind of mid overall. I definitely didn't think it deserved the vitriol then and after a second watch, i still think it got the short end of the stick. In fact, i think it's one of the better entries in Phase Four. That's not saying a lot, though, to be honest. Still, She-Hulk is much better than you remember.

As a story, it's an interesting take. I am actually a moderate fan of She-hulk. I've been one for a while. She was doing the fourth-wall breaks long before Deadpool and i appreciated that. Knowing she as getting a show was fun so i was all over it when it dropped. I have to say, i wasn't disappointed. I figured they'd go the Attorney at Law angle because that's what makes Shulkie so fun as a character. That run in the comics was one of my favorite so to see a adaption play around in the MCU universe was fun. Now, that's me coming from the perspective of a fan familiar with who Jen Walters is, the tone of the She-hulk character, and a general understanding of where the show would be coming from. The problem for She-Hulk, i think, was the timing.

Shulkie got her show after the Infinity Saga concluded was meant to introduce another Legacy Character into the MCU. Most comic fans, genuine people who properly followed the comics, probably didn't give a sh*t. Jen and Bruce have existed together in print for f*cking decades. Apparently, the Casuals who get their Marvel fix primarily from the films, thought otherwise. These asshats eviscerated the show on the grounds that Jen was going to replace Bruce or some other nonsense We were neck deep in the mSHEu conspiracy and it tanked any fair chance Shulkie got in her debut, which is absurd because she wasn't even the first Legacy to drop. Hawkeye came out LONG before She-Hulk and no one batted an eye. Nothing but love for Kate Bishop and Yelena Belova yet, all the hate for Jen? Word?

Admittedly, Yelena is f*cking adorable and Florence Pugh plays her perfectly. I can say the same about Hailee and her take on Kate. But the thing is, and this is a cold, hard, truth, Tatiana Maslany is just as endearing as Jen Walters. She's hilarious, funny, and grounded almost to fault. She not this weird, over the top, feminist bogeywoman all these neckbeards and chauvinists seem to want you to think she is. She a reluctant super person, trying to juggle being one of the gamma greens, and maintain some semblance of the life she built for herself prior to exposure. That's the show. Yes, there is strong commentary about the female plight in a male dominated world. Yes it could have been handled better at times. I'm not going to sit here and tell you the writing was one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time (that ending with K.E.V.I.N was just lazy), but it homered more than it struck out.

If you can check your fragile masculinity and straight up gynophobia for five seconds, you could see that She-Hulk: Attorney at Law is a fun show that captures the spirit of Jen's comic outings perfectly. She's one of the few MCU examples of a hero who isn't some quippy chucklehead but you still find yourself chuckling at some rather clever takes on certain characters. I loved the Blonsky revisit and, as much as that vocal minority of he-man woman haters disliked it, i thought the re-imaging of Intelligentsia was hilarious. They nailed the relationship between Titania and Jen, and even gave us a Banner cameo in a couple of episodes. The he-men hated that sh*t, though. They all though Jen was outshining Bruce but, like, it was pretty obvious he was holding back, trying to tech his bratty cousin. It' was fun and showed a familial Hulk dynamic i never thought I'd see onscreen.

Look, She-Hulk isn't great. it's not top tier MCU in any way, shape, or form. But it is very good, and much, much, better than a certain portion of the interwebs would like you to believe. For me, the best thing out of Phase Four not named Spider-Man is definitely Moon Knight but Shulkie has a case to be right there with him. It definitely has issues, i can't defend some of the CG and the writing could be stronger at times, but it's not some egregious misstep of faux Girl Boss propaganda. Like, there's nothing insidious about a show centered around a woman, being developed from a woman's perspective, by a group of women. Like, Barbie is more feminists than She-Hulk and motherf*ckers loved that. Because it was f*cking excellent. She-Hulk ain't that, but it's good enough to get a fresh viewing unencumbered by man-baby tears. Give it another shot. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

[cambria-writes]

Teaser 2

Though I entirely understand the reasoning based on character and narrative purposes, it was still a bummer that you couldn't romance Astarion past a certain point. And as someone who's asexual, I just wanted something that would vibe a little more with the pace that I move through relationships.

Also thank you to @abigailmoment for writing one of my favourite Astarion fics. Truly love the genuine small moments we see, and I'm hoping to be able to catch that kind of vibe eventually as well. ♥

Enjoy this snippet of chapter 2, which I've just finished tonight! I think I'll start posting when I've got chapter 4 done.

Astarion makes a show of thinking about it and tilts his head is agreement. “True. That was fun,” he says, taking another swig of the wine, before immediately pulling it away.

“Give me that you big baby,” you mutter, swiping the bottle from his hand and lifting the mouth to your lips.

Right, so it’s not amazing wine, but you’ve definitely had worse. You think for a second that it might make for great cooking wine when Astarion speak up again.

“But what do I get for all my hard work? A pat on the head and vinegar for wine,” he grumbles, crossing his arms. “I’m just looking for a little more excitement,” he ads, and leans in closer to you after you bring the bottle down. “A little more fun.”

You realize you’re a little too drunk for this a little too late.

“Hm, right, fun,” you repeat, trying to glean what Astarion’s trying to say. “What.. kind of fun are we considering? Because I’d rather you not eviscerate anyone if it’s all the same to you.”

Astarion sighs, a long and weary sound, as he rolls his eyes.

“I’m not going to—sex, darling, passion? Fun? Have you heard of it?”

A strange and unpleasant sensation rises through your spine, balls in your throat, before heavily settling in your get.

“Not with you, just to be clear,” Astarion ads quickly, and you think maybe he sees the dread in the bead of sweat that rolls down your temple, the way your knuckles are white around the wine bottle. “I mean—can you imagine? Urgh, no.”

He’s not convincing anyone. Even with... two? Three? Bottles of wine, you can hear the dramatic overcompensation in his voice.

“No need to be mean about it, gods,” you mutter, taking another swig at the wine bottle. Which is empty. You groan and toss it somewhere behind you where it won’t get away.

“Oh don’t misunderstand me,” Astarion start, turning to he’s leaning his shoulder on the tree to look at you. Look down at you. You’re beginning to resent how tall everyone is in comparison to you. “If our circumstances were different...” he trails off. Begins to look you up and down in a way you think is meant to be appreciative, but his eyes eventually stop their roaming just above your chest.

“You say you wouldn’t sleep with me,” you start, bringing your hand up to fiddle with the locket’s chain again. “But it lacks an awful amount of conviction given that you’re just blatantly staring at my breasts.”

I'll be keeping a taglist in a google doc so let me know if you want to be tagged when I start posting. :)

[ravencromwell]

Am back to watching the best! tutor-era show in existence: one Wolf Hall, adapted by the incomparable Peter Straughan because Thomas Cromwell, fundamental gutter-rat who'll fight dirtier than half the bastards in London even know is possible while having a veneer of polished civility is giving me the fiercest Ros Vortalis vibe my GOD. So, I thought I'd share the best fucking exchange from the show which is just Mark Rylance's Cromwell going absolutely fucking feral over dinner with the tiniest provocation over his surrogate dad Cardinal Wolsey. I can't find the YouTube clip, which is an absolute travesty because the dialogue alone will never do Mark's performance justice and any of you who haven't devoured this series find it by any means necessary and then come scream about it with me. But for now, let me show you the ambassadorial dinner no one fucking expected disgraced Tom Cromwell to have the balls to show up at:

[Tom, cool as a cucumber while everyone else freezes in horror since they have absolutely! been gossiping about him]: "Did you want to talk about me, Master More? You can speak while I'm here, I have a thick skin." [Thomas More's inner monologue: oh, fuck the crazy bastard who's been a hired mercenary! of all things! for our enemies the French! showed up oh he's _looking at me oh dear let me wipe the sweat from my brow with this napkin and give the master-class on everything you don't do to lie convincingly]: "No-one was talking of you." [Cromwell: inwardly rolling up sleeves. Oh, this will be fun!]: "Of the Cardinal, then?" [poor. poor host: I will salvage my dinner if it's the last thing I do. I simply must summon my power of manic cheer!] Thomas, this is Monsieur Chapuys, the Emperor's new ambassador here in London. Monsieur Chapuys, my friend, Thomas Cromwell. [poor new ambassador who doesn't understand what's about to happen to his polite society debut]: Enchanted. [after which he makes his evening's first and last mistake, leaning over to Thomas More to chat in Italian: "I have heard of this one. No one knows where he comes from. Like the wandering Jew." [poor bastard's new and dumb and fails to understand Cromwell isn't happy since Wolsey fell unless he eviscerates six people before bed] [Tom inwardly: oh, this is how we're gonna play it?] "I hardly know where I come from, myself. If you want to speak half-secretly, try Greek, Monsieur Chapuys." [host, staring between a gawp-mouthed new ambassador, sulking Thomas More and smug as a pig in shit Tom Cromwell: manic cheer aid me now! Upon which he says to More:] "My friend, you are looking at your herring as if you hate it." [Thomas More, making five-year-olds look like Zen masters of self-control by comparison]: "There's nothing wrong with the herring." [poor host, finally defeated]: "Ah." [More, who cannot let himself keep getting slapped around he's a man of importance I tell you!]: "But of Cardinal Wolsey, I'll say only this -he has brought his fall on himself. He's drawn all to himself - land, money and titles. He's always had a greed for ruling over other men. I think it's a little late to read the Cardinal a lesson in humility. His real friends have read it long ago and been ignored." [Cromwell inwardly: this stopped being fun and became the biggest crock of shit I've ever been priveleged to witness. Fuck civility.] "And you count yourself a real friend, do you? I'll tell him - and by the blood of Christ, Lord Chancellor, he'll find it a consolation as he sits in exile and wonders why you slander him to the King." [Host, genuinely scared they might fight with the butcher knives now and More is a weedy little thing Cromwell could take him without even breaking a sweat oh god what if he dies at my dinner? Because I invited Cromwell Thomas More is second-in-command to the king!] "Gentlemen..." [Cromwell, oblivious, having worked up his full glorious head o' steam]:" No, let's have this straight. Thomas here says, "I'd spend my life in the church, if I had a choice. I'm devoted to things of the spirit. I care nothing for wealth. The world's esteem is nothing to me." So how is it I come back to London and find you've become Lord Chancellor? What's that?" Three beats of aching, glorious silence. "A fucking accident?"

[bourbon-ontherocks]

asdjzekhkjerhf 304 was?? hysterical???? I hadn’t laughed like that in front a show in a long time, I was literally cry-laughing during the online team meeting. gilles’ face 💀💀💀 I could rewatch the ep rn just for this… franchement, merci chloé for sharing your germs with everyone, so worth it 🙏 btw céline complètement croclove de la petiote while adam is trying to keep a semblance of health & safety measures in the workplace, ICONIC. (so many germs-related reaction gifs to make. "LES GESTES BARRIÈRE !")

let’s not forget daphné’s power trip and her gender equality crusade, is it me or did she wink when they told céline the murderer was a woman? je l’adore 😭😂

gilles, vraiment, friend of the year 🥲 because daphné might just eviscerate him when she finds out he lied to her 🥲 ("vous allez tellement bien ensemble" je l’ai mal pris pour lui mdrrr) and it’s cute how jealous he was of timothée, lol!

timothée is way too sweet, actually. like, we know he’s not really meant as a love interest for morgane, but it’s too bad we don’t even get a chance to believe in their relationship (as opposed to morgane & ludo for example) though I’m glad he’s around, tbh, because "ma sirène" is my new favorite term of endearment 🤣🤣

OMG anon, I'm so happy for you that you enjoyed this episode!!! I'm not particularly fond of it myself so I'm glad you gave me more reasons to like it!!

I must say the flu epidemic was extremely fun, I knew from the start that it was obviously bound to happen when Ludo said that Chloé had a fever, and watching that trainwreck was like witnessing a car crash lol 😂 I agree that in that regard, the Zoom meeting was particularly delightful 😍 Also Adam x his steam inhaler is my new ship (really though, between the absence of Beardie, the inhaler, and the thermometer stuff, he was peak sexiness in this ep 🤣)

Céline babytalking Chloé felt kinda weird to me, she never really struck me as a kids person (even when she talks about how she basically never sees her son in season 2, like... she doesn't look devastated so much, you know?) but for some random reason she seems to be obsessed with Morgane's children this season (cf. when her first concern when Morgane was attacked at home was, actually, the kids that weren't even there).

But -- ah, why am I even trying to understand the characters this season? Characterization who? lol. Où avais-je la tête 😅

I 100% agreed that Daphné winked about the murderer being a woman, and she was definitely proud. I love her so much, but this woman is deranged 😂 Also the way she went borderline scary when asking Gilles about who was Timothée's conquest made me laugh so much!! The poor man, torn between his loyalty (and scare) towards Morgane and his scare (and loyalty) towards Daphné lololol!! Their fake dating idea was genius and Daphné's réaction was priceless ("maintenant que tu me le dis c'est évident" looooooool). But also wait until you find out how it all resolves because I have a feeling that you won't get disappointed 😈

Also what do you mean Gilles was jealous of Timothée?

Timothée is boring (imo) and borderline creepy, and I must say I cringed at "ma sirène" but also agreed that it was kinda hilarious. What did you think of the pseudo-romantic scene (grand gesture, rain, champagne metaphor, heart-shaped fade to black, etc) in the end? I might have vomited in my mouth a little 😆

But I have to admit I really enjoyed Morgane trying and spectacularly failing at hiding Timothée from Ludo AND Gilles lol (also Gilles who genuinely thought Timothée was just being rude for wandering naked in Morgane's house... someone protects this man at all cost 🤣)

(also the way Ludo was super chill with his ex's sex life, this man is a GEM 🥰)

Obviously this analysis wouldn't be whole without its crumbs of angst, so I'll leave you with the fact that Morgane's break-up speech was embarrassingly bad because she's usually never the one who leaves. 😢

[galaxysharks]

Ej was such a big brother to Maddox. Just the pure joy when he saw her having fun, he humors her so much and it means everything.

Imagine Ej's earlier years at the camp:

Jock!Baby!Elton gets sent to Shallow Lake cause camp 'builds character' and Cash can't be bothered to raise his one and only son.

Ej figures he will coast by in the ensemble/security/person who can lift things.

Realizes quickly that all the fun tools and props are locked up to keep unsupervised children away from them, as instructed by the director.

Trys unsuccessfully to charm director because the old man can tell when a kid is helping, and when one just wants access to things that can make fire.

That's when he notices that the weird little tween that only speaks to the director and tinkers with the tech equipment has the only other set of keys.

Que: Operation: get keys to fireworks part 2.

Report: Mission failed because Maddox doesn't understand metaphors for stealing minor explosives and won't break rules anyway. Also never leaves them anywhere, so he can't just take them.

Ej decides to pretend to befriend this girl until she trusts him to have keys, and because he is at this point a proto-Cash, he does this by suggesting she do stereotypical 'camp' behaviors like playing reveille at 7 am, or asking for secrets in the cabins, or any other amount of behaviors that would get her socially eviscerated. He figures most of the camp would follow his lead, so he just needs to play nice for a few days, then they can do whatever while he gets to explode things. Starts calling her Gadget, cause he can't remember her name.

Except Maddox Loves Camp. To her, Ej is rapidly becoming her best friend because he actually wants to be around her, and do the things she loves. Sure Val listens to her, but Maddox's too awkward around pretty girls to have any real conversations, and Ej is even giving her suggestions to make this summer even more like the old movies.

Val pulls Ej aside like: Don't you fucking dare make fun of this child, she's going through things right now..

Ej get 0.001% into this plan and realizes, oh shit she's adorable, I can't let people ruin this for her.

Cue Mr. Elton Jock wholeheartedly throwing himself into every one of these stupid challenges and traditions. Taunting and egging on everyone and generally becoming the helpful kind of menace to society that makes the weird parts of a summer camp seem fun.

The first night the camp serves tacos, and that's awesome, but Maddox tells him it's not usually a great idea to eat twelve of them at once.

Spoiler: she's right. Ej spends a morning dedicated to vomit and pain in the medical cabin. Maddox sits with him and helps him read lines for his different ensemble characters in between laughing at him and dodging Val bringing him more water and crackers.

They are assigned to the same tent in the wooded camp out night, because the director has noticed, and she usually takes a solo tent, which is not a good look for their safety rating.

She's jumping at shadows and hiding as soon as the tale of Susan Fine is over. She knows it's not real, but she's still freaked out by it.

Ej tells her that they're going to make it real, and she won't be scared cause she'll know what 'susan fine' will be doing all night. Maddox is going to be the woman in the woods, he'll be a shrub monster and they can scare people together.

He buys a large pack of twizzlers, some geodes, and candles from the local shop, and they set up the first ever Susan Fine shrine.

They collect a record 11 full screams and 1 full tackle from some kid named Johnny that breaks things alot.

After they've had their fun, Ej and Maddox spend the night making up a dumb camp song. With references to the taco disaster and the scary stories.

They perform at a mid-week talent show, and get a request for an encore at camp prom.

During color wars, Ej notices Maddox was missing, and Val tells him she helps the director set up the fireworks every year, but she'll be back in time for the sing-off.

At this point Ej is having more fun doing the color wars than he would have had stealing the fireworks to begin with.

She saves him a bottle rocket. They launch it later and Ej catches his shorts on fire. once he is put out and in his boxers, Maddox and Val try to find something between them for him to wear. When cleaning Val notices a patch on the inside lining of the burnt shorts 'Elton John Caswell'. Maddox laughs at him and calls him Rocketman.

Most of camp thinks it is because of the bottle rocket, but Val and Maddox know.

Uses his call from winning color wars to tell Cash that he'll take some business courses in school if he gets to come back to camp every year.