#he's literally seen this in afghanistan. if you even care.

[confessionseddie]

Listen to the medic. He knows what he's talking about.

MEDIC EDDIE in season 8 episodes 1–5

[qqueenofhades]

The thing that confuses me about the "don't vote" left (not the "I don't want to vote", I'm talking explicitly the "don't vote" left. I don't agree with the "I don't want to vote" left either but I can understand their logic) is they lose me at the final step of the logic. I've tried to connect the logic here, even if I don't agree with a political position I do try to understand where people are coming from (empathy for someones situation is not the same as cosigning it), but I just can't connect the dots here in a way that isn't deeply cruel. Does United States politics prioritize the lives of those in the US (and often white) over those in the Global South? Yes, it's a fucking atrocity. We should continue to make noise about it, cus Biden has used less drones and that shows progress, even if it's not enough. The part where I lose the plot is where the conclusion to this injustice is to let even more people die? Cus that's kinda how I see the idea of not voting: I can pick between shit and more shit, and at the end of the day, I'm picking whoever allows the most people to make it to the next day. Given Trumps stance on everything but specifically climate change, I feel like Biden is pretty significant harm reduction.

I don't think both things can't be true: that every life lost is a travesty we should not forget AND the more people we can save is worth fighting for.

The thing is, I have seen nothing among the "don't vote" far left (and I am talking here specifically about the people who both loudly announce their intention not to vote and try to convince others to do the same) to convince me that they actually care about harm reduction or stopping genocide. They only care about what makes them look the most Correct and/or superior to the Democrats. They yelled bloody murder about Obama using drones, they went dead quiet about Trump using them even more (even when he nearly started WWIII by assassinating the Iranian general Soleimani with one), and then said nothing at all when Biden reduced the drone program to almost nothing and withdrew the US from a failed war in Afghanistan it had long ago lost. Now they will yell all day about Israel/Hamas (something that Biden did not start and has had no direct military role in responding to) but they don't care about Russian genocide of Ukraine and Syria, Chinese threats to invade Taiwan, etc, because those governments are "anti-western/anti-American" and therefore should be defended. Their opposition to human suffering is extremely conditional and rests on whether they can look good out of it, and they never interrogate the hypocrisies of their own ideology.

Likewise: every country in the world prizes its own citizens above those of other countries. It's just a basic fact. Yes, the US has a grim history of intervening in other countries and causing untold civilian damage (especially during the Cold War and then in post-9/11 War on Terrorism). Yes, that legacy is complex and needs to be acknowledged. But literally none of that will be fixed, not to mention all the vulnerable people in America itself who will be punished, by Trump getting into power again. Biden is not just a grudging "lesser evil," but has done a lot of truly good and helpful things, regardless of the Online Leftists' constant lies, misinformation, and misrepresentation. If you spend all your time announcing what a champion you are for non-American marginalised people and/or those undergoing terrible suffering, and then deliberately and knowingly adhere to a course of action that will increase that suffering tenfold not only for those people but your own neighbors, friends, and family, then no, I don't believe you are a brave champion of social justice. You just want to know what categories of people you can gleefully and righteously punish and make to suffer for not believing the same things as you, that makes you just as dangerous as the right-wing fascists, and I can and will call out your ass accordingly.

[hexedwinchester]

Supernatural S02E21 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1

Like, literally because it's another Sera Gamble episode!! She knows exactly where to jab the knife and twist it (no pun intended) 😭😭😭

Ya Jake, move along..go back to Afghanistan for all I care

can we talk about Jared's sculpted bone structure?! Like damn those cheekbones and that razor-sharp jawline!

omg what?! Why was a demon like a ghost girl?? Nevermind.. it's something called Acheri

Ok but S2 Sam hair is sooooo underrated!!! I feel I like should apologise for not appreciating it over S6-7 hair ...

i never noticed before that Sam picks up the knife from that haunted town that ends up killing him later.. baby no, put it back where you found it..

Fuck! That was my reaction to Sam hollering "Lily!". Even Demon controlling ava literally flinches. Jesus Christ, his voice is so thick and heavy!!! They didn't use Jared's voice to full potential..

Ah! I love how Sam is all simmering in anger when Azazel tells him about the plans for special children and why he had to kill Jess. But the moment Azazel mentions that it was about Sam and not Mary, you can see the sadness and guilt take over. Aww baby

Love how Sam figured it out that it was ava.

What a waste we never saw Sam use his powers to full potential

Sam Winchester fought a man with super strength, with a broken shoulder!! Say Sam is not strong one more time, I dare you!

Jake Talley, they can never make me like you for what you did to Sam!

Kinda shitty isn't it? That Sam's purity is what gets him killed all the time.. As a show of good faith, he drops the knife (one Jake Probably didn't even know about because it's actually Ava with him in the scene when he finds the knife) and in the end Jake uses the same knife to stab Sam.

This is still the most difficult death scene for me to watch. Yes, I can see Dean being dragged to Hell by Hellhound like easy peasy lemon squeezy. But something about Sam's death in this episode is so gut wrenching. I don't know what it is.. could be a combination of all: Jake's betrayal. The fact that the death is severely gruesome compared to what's seen on the surface. While it looks like death by stabbing, it's more than that because Jake's power is super strength, he uses it to not only to stab him but also to cut through his spine. And of course, Jared's acting is what turns my blood cold.. 😭😭

Jared's acting in this scene is scary good. Like the stab is so powerful, he can barely scream. The way he sinks to the wet ground, swaying, barely acknowledging Dean's presence. Then he falls onto his brother, still out of it, trying hard but failing to keep his head on the neck and eyes on his brother. Then he is gone. Hands hanging by his sides, head on Dean's shoulder.. goshh!

I think Sera Gamble understood Jared's potential quite early on. So she started writing Sam with more complexity. The very first episode she wrote was S01E03 Dead in the Water but it's actually from Faith that she started writing these deeper layers for Sam exploring his ideas, beliefs, faith and then she pulled out the big guns and open fired at Sam.. can I say I love her for that?!!

[infiniteeight8]

Love your stories. Literal highlight of my days!!!

Prompt: “So what if you’re not my soulmate! I don’t care!”

Thanks so much! 😀

-

Stephen just stares when Tony pulls out the ring and asks the question. Tony’s nerves transmute into a terrible dread when the silence goes on and on and Stephen’s answer becomes clear. By the time he speaks, Tony is cold all over.

“Tony, I can’t,” Stephen says, quietly. He looks broken. Why does he look broken when Tony’s the one whose proposal just got turned down?

“Why not?” Tony asks desperately. “I love you. I know you love me. No one ever really made me believe they loved me before, but you did!”

Stephen closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he only looks more determined. “Because I’m not your soulmate,” he says.

Tony surges up off his bent knee and stuffs the ring back in his pocket. “So what if you’re not my soulmate?! I don’t care!” 

“You’ll care when you meet them,” Stephen says, looking up at him from his seat on the couch. “Tony, somewhere out there is someone who is perfect for you. Someone who will make you happy like I never could. You deserve that.”

“Perfect for me.” Tony snorts. He paces for a moment and then stops in front of Stephen, jaw set. “I have the most famous soulmark in the world, right? You’ve seen the fakers. Everyone knows what it looks like.”

“They won’t all be fakers—”

“Yes or no!” Tony snaps. “Everyone knows what it looks like, right?”

Stephen frowns. “Right. Yes.”

“Which means that my soulmate knows that I’m their match,” Tony says. “They know I’m their match and they decided they didn’t want me. They didn’t want me before Afghanistan, they didn’t want me after, and they don’t want me now. And if they ever change their mind? I don’t care!” Tony realizes he’s shouting and stops, takes a breath. “Nothing they could say could ever make up for the fact that they chose not to be here when I needed them most. Like hell I’m going to let fate stick me with someone like that. I want someone who chose to be with me. I want someone who decided to be with me because they like me, not because some,” he flails for a word for a moment, “some fucking birthmark said they should be.”

Stephen is staring up at him. Hope surges in Tony’s chest. He drops into a crouch and takes Stephen’s hands in his. “You’re right for me because you’re blank,” he insists. “You picked me. Even when everyone told you it was a bad bet, you picked me. That’s what I want. I want us to choose each other, over and over again.”

Stephen is flushed now. His eyes are shining and… yes, Tony thinks that might be a smile. “Give me my ring,” Stephen says.

Tony blinks. “What?”

“You offered me a ring,” Stephen says. “Give it to me.”

Laughing, Tony fishes the ring out of his pocket again. “Is that a yes?”

Stephen beams when Tony slides the band onto his finger. “That’s a yes,” he confirms, and pulls Tony into a kiss.

[corwnvus]

what does you being racist have to do with sirius? you’re insane if you think this is some fictional discourse. i don’t even give a fuck about that character. your friends who posted about vaping and ignored real Congolese people telling them to not post about it. if a Palestinian told you to stop posting starbucks you would right?

your friends never apologized for their insensitivity and neither have you. last time a person of color tried to speak about how poc james isn’t developed and they don’t like it because it isn’t good representation you and and your friends came in to give your WHITE opinions about how they’re wrong. somehow your white asses know more.

you do do speak over poc. you literally say what is and isn’t racist all the time as a white person to people of color. you ignore racism that happens at the hands of your friends. you’re not a good ally. you don’t listen to real black people. stop pretending you care and stop using fictional characters to argue real fucking issues. i’ve never seen you say sorry.

you’re a white person with extreme privilege and a huge following who just mocks people’s real concerns and issues. you just care about using us for aesthetic it’s disgusting. at least apologize and own up to it.

1 I ain't ditzy and 2 ditzy has explained that they were addicted to cigarettes and went onto vapes because of their lupus. They have talked about this and counteracted it by spreading awareness of Congo and donated to Congo and Palestinian organisations.

The person who said THEY don't like poc james is because james is rich and a bully?? Becuse he is privileged becuse of his blood states, we explore poc james because we like it and it is interesting and productive to talk about intersectionality and how he could face oppression becuse of his skin colour but also be privileged in a society where the metric of privilege and 'value' is primarily based on a different factor. I'm not forcing anyone to like poc james I'm also not forcing anyone to not like poc james.

I have been called racist by a lot of your friends because of the ships I like (bartylily and jegulus) and the characters I like which is wild to place real life struggles and prejudice on what i interact in a fictional setting. You saying I should listen to black people when some yell at me for that but most tell me I shouldn't listen to you (also Jewish creators as you guys like to call me a n@zi and a t*rrorist)

You say I use my big platform as you use anonymous ways to talk shit about me and insult me. You have no idea how many de@th threats and r@pe threats I have to delete (not from you but from other people) not only becuse of what I ship but also becuse I'm trans and I have trans hc. I am always willing to listen to poc people but you all arnt a monolith and I will listen to the most educated on said topic as if I don't I could do more damage then good, I can't make everyone happy. However, calling me a bad ally becuse I disagree with some poc on HARRY POTTER HC... is wild and really fucking profomative. I have shared information on Congo, Sudan, Afghanistan Ukrainian and palestine, joined artist groups that helped raise money for palistine, uplifted the voices of followers and mutuals who live in Poland and Ukrainian to my 'large following' . I have donated and also donated parts of my commissions to family in palestine despite being food insecure and jobless other then my commissions. You don't get to judge how good of an ally I am becuse of how I interact in fandom.

Thank you.

[honeysider]

https://www.tumblr.com/honeysider/739803375060811776/youre-pathetic-in-every-respect?source=share I'm actually interested in what you think the answer is. I'm not saying this to antagonize or bait you, I really want to know. As someone who has seen third parties fail and fail again when trying to breach into bipartisan leadership (don't get me wrong, I don't like either party) it's hard to see how leaving things to the masses (who will most likely vote for Trump) or up to a third party that probably won't win; I'm quite literally at a loss of what to do.

Here's how I see things, personally. You can't fix things in one or even two elections, and you certainly can't fix things by voting for the same party over and over again. This might get rambly.

Like, I wont even get into the viability of elections as a means of engineering political change because I'm assuming you dgaf about that (not a dig, most people consider all the other political stuff like on-the-ground work to be too much for them). I'll explain it in a way that made sense to me when I decided to not waste my time voting in presidential elections.

I do not believe in The Democratic Party or Biden's specific policies as vehicles to advance either my self interest or the interests of others in the country. The lesser of two evils argument doesn't even cut it anymore. Biden is enforcing Trump's old immigration policies even going so far as to continue building the goddamn wall. He doesn't support universal healthcare. He crumbles against any kind of pressure that isn't only rhetoric, basically threw up his hands and gave up when student loan forgiveness was attacked by the courts, and supports the genocide against Palestinians financially. He is mostly indistinguishable from a Republican, save for the theocratic aspects.

Why would I vote for someone I don't believe in?I might go vote for Cornel West because simply put I believe in more of his policies than Biden's, if I vote at all.

And that's the main thing that bothers me about the vote blue no matter who philosophy. You're never supposed to vote for who you believe in. In the primaries you are expected to unite around the Most Likely Candidate To Win The Election, not the candidate who you agree with. I remember when people screamed at Bernie voters because they were voting for the democratic socialist, not any of the mainstream moderate front runners and he started winning states. Pundits and analysts and party activists had a meltdown until the Democrats managed to wrangle everything around Biden.

So point 1, I will only vote for people I believe in. If the Republicans win as a result of enough people doing the same thing, the Democrats should have pushed a better candidate.

And that leads to point 2, Blue No Matter Who doesn't perpetuate a regrettable-but-tolerable lesser of two evils situation. It enables democrats to be as evil as their opponents, just no further than their opponents. The Democratic Party Platform used to include Universal Healthcare, and now it's literally been erased from the platform. Democrats have had three terms between Bush and now and we have only now pulled out of Afghanistan, and we still have troops in Iraq? What? Guantanamo Bay is still active? "Enhanced interrogation" is still being used? The Patriot act is renewed every time it comes up without a yell or a peep? Power is being increasingly centralized in the executive branch? All the big controversies from my childhood are still mostly unsolved today due mostly to Democratic inaction and ineptitude with a dash of Republican malevolence.

My only tool is abstaining from the process. The only thing Democrats believe in are election victories. If you just give them votes no matter who they run they won't care about seriously pursuing real beneficial policy. Let them lose elections until they get the picture.

And look. I know its hard and its scary to imagine Trump in the white house again. But Biden's doing like 99% of his policy anyways, so really all you're voting for now is a facade of political professionalism, not for what you actually believe.

So don't vote, withhold it until Democrats get a clue and get more involved or at least more knowledgeable about state and local politics.

If you want to hear about the Revolution and stuff there are better people to talk to than me tho lol

[shitshowkb]

FINALLY started watching SEAL Team and because this is clearly my new favorite thing to do, I will be writing my reactions/emotions down as i go, so here we go:

✧ SEAL Team season 1 spoilers under the cut ✧

finally watching SEAL Team and decided to write my reactions/emotions down as i go:

• david boreanaz is so mf fine

• and max thieriot 😍

• clay spenser loml

• i literally can not stand ash spenser omg

• oh god his shoot isn't working

• oh shit, is he gonna die!?!?

• yep he's gonna die

• nooo not brian, why'd it have to be brian? 😭

• that smirk on clay's face during that SERE interrogation 🥵

• "actually i'm still kind of thirsty" this man i stg

• my boy made it through SERE

• not the boys sneaking off to get some spicy chicken

• hayes with his hat on backwards 🥵

• 8am and bring beer? these are my kind of people 😅

• this mans smile makes me WEAK

• i am CONFUSED

✧ lowkey got super into the show and forgot to write my reactions, but i'm on the episodes where the boys are in afghanistan on their deployment tryna figure out who put the hit on echo team & i'm stressed tf out, i think i have like 4 more episodes in season 1 ✧

• not these grown ass me throwing darts at each others feet

• oh shit, ray's frag killed a little boy

• this man needs to stop lying about his injured shoulder

• god clay is gorgeous, i will never get over it

• also brock??? that man is fine as hell

• "what are you not telling me?" babe his shoulder is FUCKED

• SPENSE IS SO MF FINE

• jesus that was stressful

• also jason hayes could ruin my life, i'd thank him & let me him come back & do it all over again

• man i feel so bad for ray bc that little boy died but also homie you lied about being okay before deployment???

• "i want to deliver him to you" idk man that sounds too easy, is this a trap???

• this feels like a trap

• lmao i am so in love with clay spenser

• oh shit

• all of this kidnapping shit for a talk???

• homie is not only going to show you where to find his brother but also tell you how to kill him???

• this shit has to be a trap

• still pissed that ray lied about his shoulder & now he's in there spilling the tea about his injury

• oh okay??? this man does not even care about ray's shoulder

• fr tho ray GO SEE A DAMN DOCTOR

• this journalist gets on my mf nerves

• i do not like the vibes i'm getting rn

• yeah no i don't like this

• oh god oh god oh god

• something bad is gonna happen, i can feel it

• OH GOD NO

• OF FUCKING COURSE THE EPISODE ENDS LIKE THAT

• so i obviously know that these guys survive because they're still on the show but COME ON this is so mf stressful

• oh god no

• holy shit

• this shit just keeps getting worse omg

• "I AM NOT EMOTIONAL!" sonny babe you really are

• sonny is stressed tf out, someone better buy him all the beers when they get home

• covered in dirt & bleeding and clay is still fine as hell

• oh god not again

• if jason hayes doesn't sit his stupid ass still omg

• what the actual fuck jason

• jason hayes needs his ass beat, i don't care if he has a head injury

• is that mans bone sticking out of his arm?? 🤢

• damn, i knew medders was dead :(

• oh god is shit gonna go down again

• can these boys please go back to the states like now??? thanks

• this mf and his concussion does not need to going out right now omg

• omfg get tf outta this damn mountain

• well fuck

• jase and the girls are about to fuck some shit up

• oh shit danny overdosed???

• jase is really planning to just kill cutter? lmfao

• i am so excited for the crew to go home

• clay's car 😍

• i feel so bad for davis :(

• stella stayed composed way longer than i would've, i'd have seen clay & lost my shit

• sonny needs a hug :(

• dear god, jase needs to go get his head checked

• someone please get this man some help

• OF COURSE THE SEASON ENDED WITH THAT

[eddiecore118]

Okay really thinking way too much about this. Eddie literally working through and healing from all of his traumas, where Frank said as an Army Medic, Firefighter and Father you spend time taking care of everyone except yourself and alluded to the point that it’s clear these three areas are also where your trauma is linked to/stems from. We saw Eddie actively working through his trauma from Afghanistan with Frank. And we have now seen Eddie start to reconcile with his father and generational trauma, where despite Eddie being the great father he is to Chris there was still so much hurt with how Eddie punished himself and how hard he tried to not be like his father. As a firefighter we saw Eddie back in action in Mayday realizing that firefighting was never just a job it was his vocation and if we go back to 5x11 Eddie and Chris talked about how it would be fine for Eddie to go back. But it still somehow feels like the shooting (tied up with Eddie being a firefighter) is lingering in many ways. In 5x14 we saw Eddie at the Equestrian park with Buck showing Eddie the answer to his question of “do you think it’s worth it?” as in showing that Charlie was safe and happy, so yes it is absolutely worth it. But in bringing up the shooting at the Equestrian park we see Eddie turn away from Buck, it just lingers between the two of them. Like Frank said talk to those who share that trauma with you and Eddie originally tried to reach out to Mills and Eddie did talk to his father and even Bobby but it just feels like he has only spoken to Buck tangentially where they discussed the military, Eddie’s family and Eddie struggling with firefighting “being worth it” but not their own shared trauma of the shooting. IDK when Eddie saw the cardiologist he said “I don’t even think about him anymore” which now seems to have similar vibes to when May asked if he thought about making different choices where Eddie answered “no” and it will be very interesting if Eddie and May somehow have a follow-up to their conversation in FOMO in the same episode of patching up walls in his room with Buck, and Eddie having reached the point in his journey where he is choosing to be better for himself. We know that Eddie has made the decision to go back to firefighting, he wanted to once he knew that Chris was okay with it in 5x11 and Mayday was quite loud with “God has spoken” so yes, Eddie makes a decision about his future - going back home to his found family the 118 but the shooting really was the catalyst for setting off Eddie’s healing journey so just maybe this might be a full circle moment where Eddie fully acknowledges what the trauma of the shooting meant in the context of him being a firefighter AND follow your heart.

[moontheoretist]

You know. I have this unique approach to “Tony was selling weapons” issue in which I know it was a legal business and in America it was basically seen as a-ok thing to do, because military propaganda is strong and Tony was basically raised not only in that propaganda, but also in a family which fortune was build on selling those very weapons. On the other hand, I also know that regardless of how legal it is, it was also a war profiteering business which destroyed lives. And on a third hand, because to me Tony is coded as an autistic person with ADHD, I can see how he had issues for so many years to see that the system is broken and cannot be trusted.

Let me explain.

You may call it an excuse or projecting, but when I was younger, I couldn’t process that things I was taught about at school don’t actually work as the textbook claims it does in real life. Meaning that when a paper page in my school book said or a teacher said or someone from my family or anybody who was an authority to me said that democracy is the best system ever and has no flaws, I did believe it and never questioned it. To start questioning it, I needed an outside force to knock the idea that the system is indeed broken into my brain, hard. It’s really hard to accept that the world around you doesn’t work the way you thought it was working on paper, and therefore we as humans tend to delude ourselves that if we cannot see it happen, then it doesn’t exist (though in my case the delusion wasn’t even conscious enough that I could say I was deluding myself, I just was unable to see any issues till they were shoved in my face). So only when we see, and sometimes personally feel that happen to us, we are finally able to let go of that delusion and open our eyes.

Press Reporter #1: Mr. Stark, what happened over there?

Stark: I had my eyes opened.

So to me, the whole Afghanistan incident is this to Tony. To me, it feels logical that he would not be able to compute that weapons are bad and selling them is bad if he was all his life taught that weapons are good and that he helps people by selling them until he was personally smacked with them in the face, because sometimes people saying things to your face (like media, specifically Christine Everheart definitely were doing) is not enough to truly realize something (I also think that Howard and Stane taught Tony how to ignore all the media and what they say to him when he was groomed as SI’s heir, so it didn’t have that much of an effect on him before Afghanistan as it does after it), and you need that smack instead.

It’s a very strong incentive which shakes your whole world, and it is strong enough to make our stubborn autistic brains (mine and Tony’s, I don’t want to insinuate that all autistic people have this issue) to start questioning the status quo.

So, when Tony gets hit by his own weapon and feels on his own skin what it does, sees terrorists use his weapons to target American military (young soldiers who were there mostly because American system is broken and exploits the young, so they would join) and kill them, then has to live with a shrapnel in the cave, learns that Ho Yinsen’s family was also killed by his own weapons, and then when he is free again and continues to live with the shrapnel and sees innocent people in Middle East losing loved ones, it finally starts to compute that weapons are bad, that everything he did till now was bad, that he is the one responsible for this suffering and that his weapons shouldn’t be given to people who cannot be trusted with them (i.e. his own company, America and American military).

It is also in character for him to assume, that if he is the one whose eyes were opened, he should be the one using his own weapons (i.e. Iron Man, which doubles for prostetic too) for good, though it was not his first thought (you remember when he went to Air Force base to talk to Rhodey? It is possible he wanted Rhodey to be his Iron Man pilot instead and when he was rejected and saw that Rhodey believes in the system he doesn’t, he had to take it upon himself, because in his head he was the only one who saw it was wrong).

I think that if Wanda was actually done right (meaning that if Joss Whedon was not antislavic piece of shit and her trauma and suffering were properly represented in AoU instead of being sold as just a low bar villain motivation), the thing which happened to her family when Tony was already a CEO and probably approved of selling the weapons to the military shortly before or long before NATO used them in Yugoslavia to bomb tons of civilians (I am of the mind that military could use the weapons they bought from Tony’s company long ago, and that it didn’t have to specifically be a new contract crafted just to deal with the Slobodan Milošević issue), it would only reinforce the idea that weapons are bad in Tony’s head.

I think that as much as he is not to blame for Wanda’s parents deaths, because he didn’t fire those weapons himself (and possibly was not even that much interested in the conflicts abroad the American army used his weapons for, because he assumed they will use them responsibly, only against enemy soldiers and will not use them on civilians - this is an error born from assuming that war is just and only happens on the battlefield, while a lot of countries since I dunno even how long literally doesn’t adhere to the rules of war (that you can only fight on battlefields with no civilians in sight) and fights wherever they want, not caring about civilians and sometimes even purposefully drop weapons on them like NATO did in Yugoslavia, committing war crimes left and right, making war unjust), I think he bears some responsibility for what happened and has a right to feel guilty over the deaths which happened due to those bombings.

And later on, when he finally switches and does mostly defensive stuff, like making a technology which can remove mines from minefields without any of them exploding, or when he makes his company pursue clean energy instead, and he joins the Avengers, because he truly believes they are good for the world, he is again smacked in the face by the fact that something in which he believed was not good, that it was doing more harm than good. That’s why, in my opinion, he reacted to Mrs. Spencer’s accusations. Because he again let himself believe in something indiscriminately, without doubt, and was again smacked in the face with facts. And the facts were that Avengers were not operating well, and their recklessness and half-cooked last minute plans were the reason why more people died than it would if they actually worked well as superheroes.

To a lot of people, it looks like Tony is motivated by personal hurt and guilt. But to me, it always looks like him being violently shaken into acknowledging reality of something he thought was flawless.

[princesssarcastia]

WOW HEY HAVE THIS JARRING EMOTIONAL SHIFT.

because

It's Time

For The Shirtless Beach Scene

Right After The Super Emotional Scene Where We Last See Iceman Alive

this is. a choice. for sure.

A bunch of shirtless, very fit, literally glistening men and women doesn't do it for me in the same way it's clearly doing it for Penny (Maverick clearly testing her resolve on the whole "lets not get back together" thing)

But I do very much enjoy the camaraderie here. Maverick's literally taking them out for recess so they can try to be friends, it's Adorable

The way everything slows down when Bradley relents and helps Maverick get back up when he gets knocked down is fucking compelling. cinematography™. you can see where the maverick/rooster people get their ideas, is all.

Also, just realizing, that's kind of neat subtle foreshadowing to what happens in the climax, when Maverick gets shot down and Rooster makes the surprising choice to go after him and help. love it

Most adorable people in this scene, ranked:

1. Rooster, with that fucking full-body wiggle, and the face he makes when he hoists bob up on his shoulders in victory

2. Bob, scoring a winning touchdown and being hoisted up on Rooster's shoulders in victory

3. Maverick, clearly very proud of himself for the way his aviators are acting like they like each other now

4. Penny, biting at that pen and deciding, fuck it, he's shirtless and sweaty and brought a bunch of extra eye candy with him to show off for me. Might as well.

The way Maverick is amused when it seems like Penny is going to hold off, and then almost...scared? When she leaves the door open to come in, clearly ready to give him another shot? So good.

Other things I like about this scene:

They have sex but that's also clearly the least important thing happening here. There aren't even any lingering objectifying shots of the people involved; both, frankly, very attractive!

Nope. the thing they linger on is the laughter and the physical and emotional closeness, after the fact. THAT'S the important part. it's that they know each other, that they deeply care about each other. And they're both open about the thing most important to them, namely, their kids! Sharing parenting advice as pillow talk is so fucking sweet.

Things I think are bullshit:

1. anyone blaming Carole for Maverick pulling Bradley's application to the Naval Academy—that was his choice to make, and he made it, and he decided to do it. i know narratively we're supposed to want to blame her, the fridged woman who can no longer defend herself, but i reject that premise and blame the person who actually did it, instead

2. Maverick claiming Bradley wasn't ready and that's why he pulled his papers? Also bullshit! Just, not true.

What I think is that Maverick didn't want Bradley going into the navy for his own reasons. The whole mess has a lot more to do with Maverick not being ready, than Bradley. Could just be garden variety fear for his son's life. But sometimes I wonder if it has to do with his own deep-seated animosity towards the Navy, which killed his father and demonized him, and did its best to reject maverick himself at every turn, and killed his best friend, too. Also, you know, all the violence and death he must have seen as someone who was on active duty through both wars in Iraq and the one in Afghanistan. So I wonder if, deep down, Maverick knows exactly what the Navy will do to Bradley and wants more for his son than the kind of life he himself had to lead.

Obviously there are things he likes about it, loves about it, or he wouldn't stay. But there has to be some resentment in there, too. It's just a matter of how powerful you think it is.

Penny clearly has a little regression, here, trying to sneak Maverick out her bedroom window, lol. I wonder if she's known him long enough that they did this at the more traditional age, too.

The whole sequence is just very Lorelai Gilmore of her, which is its own kind of charming, but also very indicative of the kind of person Penny has been for most of her life. The kind of person who convinces pilots serving under her navy admiral father to steal multi-million-dollar military equipment to go for a joyride, btw, in case that wasn't clear.

"I'm never going to leave you again," Maverick says, and clearly means it in the moment, which is why Penny is so impacted by it.

But on a less charitable note...I wonder if Maverick has ever said it to her before, and meant it, and left her anyway. That's got to hurt. That's got to be messy. And you could just imagine that it was the Navy deploying him away from her, or even Maverick provoking his superiors into deploying him away from her, but idk. She grew up as a navy brat, that's got to be familiar if nothing else. I think maybe he's left her in other, worse ways before, after promising his his soulful eyes that he'll never leave her again.

....wow, sleeping with him probably really was a bad decision. oof.

Hopefully being forcibly retired changes who Maverick has been as a person for his entire life?

............wow. hmm. yeah maybe they don't work it out post-film.

Amelia catching Maverick trying to sneak out could be funny, but instead it's heartbreaking, because she's had to wittiness their whole shit-show before, which is a lot for a kid to have to handle.

alright. top gun maverick re-watch liveblog time

block 'liveblog' if you don't want it all over your dash for the next few hours <3

[redgoldblue]

thinking... thinking...... post loading in brain......

none of the thiefsome are cishet. obviously. they all like women and men and also whatever shade of not-that their partners are. and they’re all shades of not-that they all looked at the gender options that were cleanly presented to them on a nice silver platter and went ‘hm. no. let’s go steal a gender.’

BUT

I don’t think any of them have actual... identity labels. not rigid or stable ones. Parker collects labels like she’s a magpie and they’re shiny things, keeps them in her nest and occasionally brings them out and puts them in front of her - (on the more literal front, when Hardison realised that’s what she was doing he found a little queer-owned etsy shop and bought her tiny flag pins for all the identities she uses. she doesn’t always wear them even on the days she does have clear labels, because sometimes she doesn’t care if other people know and sometimes the pins feel bad on her skin, and on the days where it’s the latter but not the former she can just come down and tell the crew, who are the only people she ever cares about whether they know anyway, but it’s not unusual to see her with tiny flags on her collar or shoulder or pinned on one of hardison’s scarves when it’s cold and she’s stolen them, and it never changes anything for any of the others but it is nice to know) - so most days, if you ask her, she’ll have an answer for you, but it probably won’t be the same as the next day or the one after, and if you prod she’ll explain to you that the labels aren’t her, they’re accessories just like the pins are, they’re things she pulls out because she feels like it but in the end, deep down, she’s just Parker. When it really comes down to it, Parker is always just Parker.

Hardison, I super agree with @faorism‘s post that he has thought about his gender and also his sexuality, really thought about it and analysed it and twisted and turned it to see how all the angles glint in the light; once when he was a teenager, and then again post-parker and eliot, when he can specifically see how it shines under the lights of his partners. unlike Parker with her core Parkerness but then all her shiny shifting changing labels, Hardison actually does have a firm locus of his identity, gender-and-sexuality wise. problem is, it doesn’t exactly fit any label. He won’t protest or really mind if you call him bisexual or demigender, because those things are... technically correct, they fit the 1s and 0s of his code, but people aren’t just code. He has rainbow flags somewhere on most of his profiles, and if you really press him on it, he’ll just call himself queer. If you try to go any further on it, or keep pressing, all you’re gonna get is a very fact-driven two hour lecture on shifting cultural and historical ideas of sexuality and gender.

Eliot was young when he realised he wasn’t... right, but the fact is it’s just not something that has ever come up for him since. no chance of exploring attraction to men in his small town or the military, and there ain’t a huge amount to explore there anyway - he likes men the same way he likes women, except where it’s slightly different, and that is what it is. and frankly, he’s had bigger problems his entire life than the fact that he never quite felt like he engaged with his body or the world or the idea of being a ‘man’ in exactly the way all his buddies did. not a lotta chance to go finding Judith Butler texts when you’re in the middle of Afghanistan getting tortured by an agent from you’re-not-even-sure-what government. But eventually, a few years into being part of the crew, Parker or Hardison (or Sophie, who knows she’s a Woman but is only so willing to say that because she’s done the same searing self-analysis Hardison has) says something and Eliot hums and agrees. And then Parker asks him what he likes to be called, and he says he doesn’t know. and then, because she looks disappointed and it’s Parker, he says he’ll think about it. (the next day Hardison sends him a list of labels and one-sentence definitions with no other commentary.) and Parker, because she’s Parker, asks him again and again, at regularly scheduled times every day, for the next two weeks, until one day she appears behind him and before she can ask he says, “I don’t know. but that’s alright, yeah? It is what it is, and I don’t need to know.” And Parker knows a whole lot about not knowing, so she accepts that. 

(When people get nosy with Hardison about it when Parker’s around, she always just sits back and smiles bc she likes hearing the lecture. After that conversation with Eliot, when people occasionally start trying to ask him about it, either because they’ve seen him with Hardison or - because after that, he realises that he actually doesn’t need to stick so hard to ‘man’ anymore - because he’s having a gendär day where he has his hair in lots of braids and is loaded down with rings and cuffs, when Parker is around to see the questions, she always steps in front of him, points to something off-screen half-shouting ‘would you look at that!’ or saying something completely off-the-cuff and mildly insulting about the person’s appearance. no-one ever accused Parker’s distraction techniques of being subtle, but they are effective. and Eliot always kisses her when the people go away, in that fleeting top-of-the-head way that means it’s a thank you, so she keeps doing it.)

[deductioniis]

John Watson character analysis, or what is going on in John's head in tst to make him do what he did in TLD

A few premises:

What i say here below might have been mentioned already by others in the past

It's my interpretation of facts, so I might be wrong!

It contains TW // suicidal thoughts, alchololism, PTSD, grief, self-loathing, gaslighting

 

Before going right into the topic, it's better if we go back to the beginning of the show, so to analyse where John comes from. The show opens with shots from Afghanistan, a nightmare that wakes up John, leaving him sweaty and panicking. Then we see him in a therapy session, Ella telling him about his trust issues. We never know what caused these issues, but I believe that it is a cause of the war PTSD or of the sexual repression going on inside of him if we think of him coming from a conservative and homophobe family. No one really understands him, he has no one to relate to and to talk about his trauma, hence he is no longer bothered to open up to others if all he gets is nothing. 

Even if we consider John as the more empathetic and extrovert compared to Sherlock, we are reminded constantly of his struggles in relating to people and showing emotions. John is as much lost and damaged as Sherlock: he was probably dealing with past traumatic experiences, he came back from a war that left him with PTSD and he is now suicidal with nothing to look forward to. 

"You are not haunted by the war, Dr Watson, you miss it." That doesn’t really make sense if we think of John’s nightmares. But if we consider the 'war' as his inner turmoil, then it makes sense. John was literally on the point of ending it, until the moment he met Sherlock. From the nothingness, to something happening, going back to life. Though life requires feelings, John's weak point. 

I think it is also important to talk about John’s strong attachment with male figures, in particular Sherlock and Sholto. Compared to them, John is the one who is looking at them as a guide, probably because of the lack of a strong bond with his own father, thus resulting in the commonly known daddy issues. Some examples can be seen in TSoT, where Sholto is presented as John’s ex (army commander). If we think of their relationship in a romantic way, reinforced by Mary’s ‘neither of us were the first’, then we get John’s strong attachment to him: he is concerned about him, advises him to go to therapy to deal with the trauma and probably John himself has been in some sort of distress when he knew about Sholto’s accident. 

John never mentions Sholto to Sherlock, the other male person he is strongly attached to, probably because he is scared to lose him, preferring then to bottle up his emotions. This bad habit of John is recurrent: when Sherlock fakes his suicide, John at first bottles up his emotions, he doesn't even talk to Mrs Hudson because, as mentioned before, he doesn't really know if she would fully understand him. We see then at how he copes with it in Many Happy Returns. His tare héreditaire makes him find peace in drinking alcohol, probably abusing it as a way of escape from feelings. He is repressing them so much at the point of blaming himself of feeling them, adding up the sense of grief and probably guilt of not having been enough for Sherlock after all they have experienced together. But when Sherlock comes back, John finds that the only way to express what goes on in his head is by actions, attacking Sherlock for having been so careless of not even thinking about him when he fell from the rooftop. Here John is one of the many considering suicide as something selfish, where the one who leaves doesn't think of the void they'll leave inside others. This, though, is discussed and later contradicted by Sherlock himself in tld 'your life is not your own, keep your hands off it'.

Time to flashforward to TST now, whose final scenes really require John all the strength to fight the feelings he has always repressed. Grief is a tough process that we all get to face in life and that might cause different emotions. For the second time in his screen-time life, John once again decides to retreat, hiding from the world and not giving his best friend a chance to help. We know that he gives Sherlock a letter, but its content is a mystery. As he struggles himself with a direct confrontation with Sherlock, he might have written down his thoughts, probably harsher than he intended, as we later see Sherlock high and John coping in an unhealthy way with trauma. 

He is self-blaming himself for letting Rosie down, he is stuck into a dimension of things that is bigger than he is and really doesn’t know how to deal with it. As he speaks with the (fake) therapist, he is passive-aggressive, once more he is getting defensive about his own point of view. He doesn’t understand his own feelings, he doesn’t want them to be normal and ordinary during a process of grieving. He is desperately craving someone to agree with him and not going against him, making him feel even more misunderstood. He is ‘holding himself to an unreasonable standard’. He wants to be someone else, not committing the same mistakes that probably most of the important figures in his life have done. In tld, we see John who is desperately clinging to his past, his only place of comfort. But clinging to it is never good, it doesn’t really solve anything. 

He is distressed, grieving, not understanding the emotions he is feeling. For once, he wants others to return the care he is constantly giving but yet again, the trust issues come in.

His session is interrupted by Sherlock, one of John’s weak points. Sherlock’s addiction is now coming over into John’s problems. Once at the hospital all the emotions he is keeping inside to holding up to his unhealthy standards are on the point of bursting. 

He is once again trying to keep up with the ‘quicker’ minds of Culverton and Sherlock and his trust for the detective is at stake. Sherlock’s high, how can he trust him? The person he trusted the most, is letting him down, and he needs to be the one in command. Cultverton is keeping playing with John’s insecurities, playing with his trust issues and weaknesses so to make him burst. Messing up with his head and manipulating him to the point so he can get what he wants: Sherlock in his hospital room. When John is questioning his role as a doctor, he feels guilty, for not having looked after Sherlock, for not being able to deal with his grief. All these emotions bottling up to a point of no-return… 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you have a list of first kiss recs?

Hey Nonny!

Ahhh okay, so I was initially going to tack this onto another person’s ask because I usually combine the First Kiss and First Time fics together, but then I realized that First Kiss can happen without the First Time, and I’m sorta dumb, so FOR THIS LIST, it’s gonna be mostly fics ONLY TAGGED First Kiss (I usually go “first kiss/time” if both are in the fic), so this is pretty much a T-Rated list, hee hee. So YAY another excuse for another new list hee hee!

Again, if anyone has any First Kiss fics WITHOUT the first times or it’s G/T/M rated, let us know!

FIRST KISS

See also:

First Time || [MOBILE]

First Time Pt. 2

First Time Pt. 3

His (Again) by patternofdefiance (M, 820 w. || Fluff, John Comes Home) – John wonders how he had never seen this before, never noticed before, how happy Sherlock can look, and also how lonely.

Tap by doctorcaseyholmes (G, 896 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Morse Code, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – Sherlock finds an unobtrusive way to let out his feelings for John.

First Kiss by jawnandsharklock (NR, 1,119 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Fluff) – "Look into the mirror. Do you see your mouth? Good. Go two inches to the right from the right corner of your mouth. Then two and a half inches up. Stop. I said two and a half inches, not five. There you go. Right there. That’s where this story begins. Or maybe that’s where it ends. Or maybe it’s all the same."

Ex by Itsallfine (T, 1,248 w., 1 Ch. || Angsty Fluff, Love Confessions, Coming Out, Exes, First Kiss, Fake Relationship, Getting Outed) – One night, in the midst of their post-case high and on the cusp of something more, John and Sherlock run into John’s ex. His ex-boyfriend.

Upon Reflection, Tenable Frippery by emmagrant01 (T, 1,299 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4, John’s Beard, First Kiss, Fluff) – John was, inexplicably, growing a beard.

A Better Fate Than Wisdom by flawedamythyst (G, 1,339 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, John’s Sexuality Crisis, Pining Sherlock, Happy Ending, Fluff) – Nearly four hours pass between their first kiss and their second.

I love you, I say by khoshekhskitten (G, 1,576 w., 1 Ch. || Pre & Post TRF, Hurt / Comfort, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – "I love you" is a phrase that follows John Watson through his life with Sherlock Holmes.

Santa Knows by Itsallfine (T, 1,719 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Party, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Matchmaking, POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock and John both get exactly what they want from the Yard's secret Santa exchange. Pure holiday fluff.

There's Always Three of Us by Itsallfine (T, 1,765 w., 1 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic/Post TFP, Parentlock / Rosie, Angelo’s, First Kiss, January 29, Love Declarations) – Sherlock takes John and Rosie out to Angelo's and gets a chance to correct the biggest mistake of his life.

Christmas by thegirlinthedeathfrisbee (G, 1,768 w., 1 Ch. || Mistletoe, First Kiss, Fluff) – John goes home for Christmas -- to the Holmes home, that is.

Want by siennna (T, 1,806 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Pining, First Kiss, POV Sherlock, Requited, Second Person POV) – When John speaks, you hear more than words. You hear the rise and fall of his tone, the comfortable quake of his laughter, the warm pauses of silence in between. When John laughs, there are stars glittering on his tongue and galaxies resting just behind his teeth, and you wish you could press your lips there and burrow into the warm sound. Part 6 of sienna’s favorites

The Stranger by LaKoda0518 (T, 1,844 w., 1 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Fluff, First Kiss, For a Case, Mysterious Madman, Lonely John) – John Watson is standing on the platform waiting to board a train to his sister’s after being invalided home from Afghanistan. A chance meeting with a mysterious madman turns his world upside down and changes his life forever.

Through A Glass by Mildredandbobbin (M, 2,012 w., 1 Ch. || Voyeurism, Masturbation, First Kiss) – There is an adjoining door in the bathroom at 221B that leads into Sherlock’s bedroom. The door, from the bathroom to Sherlock’s bedroom, is made of three glass, semi-opaque panels. It has suddenly come to Sherlock’s attention that if he stands in exactly the right spot in his bedroom he can see through said panels, and more to the point, can see John.

Duvet (green) by Mazarin221b (G, 2,021 w., 1 Ch. || Post-THoB, Mind Palace, Revelations, First Kiss) – Sherlock recalibrates and restructures his mind palace so it looks like 221b. What he chooses to put in John's room is a bit of a surprise, and a revelation.

The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 2,161 w., 1 Ch. || Dev. Rel., Possessive Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Post Mary) – Sherlock hasn't ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn't bother him to propose to John even though they're not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious.

The Case of the Made-Up Case by DoubleNegative (T, 2,394, 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Clubbing, First Kiss, For Science, Humour) - Sherlock takes John to a club. For a “case.” Yes, John, a case. Part 1 of The (Secret) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

John's Drawers by JezebelGoldstone (T, 2,646 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, First Kiss, Romance, Humour) – Sherlock snoops through John's drawers and finds something. . . unexpected.

Crime Scene Procedure for Death by Drowning by paxlux (T, 2,668 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG, First Kiss, Sherlock’s Violin, Fluff) – He lies back in bed and listens to the notes and pictures them gathering around Sherlock’s feet like water. Part 1 of proper procedure

There'll be people By Ariane DeVere (T, 2,739 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, Angsty Fluff, First Kiss) – There's a reason why Sherlock doesn't travel on the Underground, and it's not because he's a snob. John learns the reason the hard way. Although, given the conclusion, maybe this one Tube ride wasn't such a bad idea.

Let Go by thisisforyou (G, 2,743 w., 1 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious / Worried Sherlock) – In the end, separating John's things from Sherlock's in the chaos of their sitting room is like pulling a limpet from a wet rock. Especially when the rock is clinging on for dear life, because Sherlock doesn't want to let go. Short, fluffy h/c Johnlock oneshot.

Closeted by Sexxica (E, 2,762 w., 1 Ch. || Trapped in a Closet, Panicking Sherlock, Hand Jobs, Coming in Pants, Awkward Conversations, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluffy Ending) – An improvised hiding spot and a bit of accidental voyeurism leave John and Sherlock in an awkward position.

BBCSH 'How To Save A Life' by tigersilver (T, 2,784 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Angsty Schmoop, Requited Love) – Pining, requited, and unabated spates of 'first kiss' fluff. Post Mary, AU, mildly cracky. John lays a smooch on Sherlock's nape in passing. The world does that thing it does when it wobbles and Sherlock practically falls off his own pins. Part 1 of 'How To...'

Better Late Than Never by sussexbound (NR (T), 3,021 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4 / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock POV, Love Confessions, Drunk Sherlock / Sober John, John Takes Care of Sherlock, First Kiss, Jealous Sherlock, Emotional Turmoil) – He suddenly wants John Watson out of his bedroom, out of his flat, out of his life, because he has been lying to himself these last few months, he realises. He doesn’t want John here, not with the way things are. He doesn’t want 221b Baker Street to be nothing more than rest stop John returns to on his journeys between women. He doesn’t want to play co-parent if Rosie is going to be snatched away from him and placed in the arms of whatever nameless woman du jour John lands on next. He doesn’t want to keep being so careful, so generous, so, so…

The General Idea by agirlsname (T, 3,022 w., 1 Ch. || Retirement, Promise of Forever / Proposal, POV John, First Kiss, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Soft Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Crying / Emotional Sherlock, Love Confessions) – After twenty years of friendship, John is used to Sherlock acting weirdly. But the news Sherlock finally brings himself to deliver change the carefully built dynamics between them, and John realises it's time to act.

Until the End of the World by SarahCat1717 (G, 3,049 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, First Kiss, Pining Sherlock, Oblivious John, Drunkenness) – Taking place in Season 3, John listens to an old favourite song and sorts through his memories and feelings about Sherlock and Mary.

The Sweetest Taste In The World by crossroads (G, 3,121 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Jealous Sherlock, Fluff, Pining, Friends to Lovers) – The sweetest taste in the world is rarely ever the easiest to come by.

On a Sunday Morning by SD_Ryan (G, 3,136 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock has a little problem. He can’t stop obsessing about John Watson.

it’s in the details by kimbiablue (T, 3,272 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, First Kiss, Pining Idiots) – Sherlock and John meet with a forensic artist to determine how capable they are able to describe each other. In which John struggles to adequately describe Sherlock Holmes, and also thinks about his lips a lot.

Wish I Was In Heaven Sitting Down by standbygo (M, 3,282 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4, Five Plus One, Missing Scenes, Parenthood, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Declarations of Love, Fluff, Food, John Whump) – Five times when Sherlock and John ate together, and one time they didn't. A history of the boys, in food.

Atrium by kali_asleep (T, 3,460 w. || 5+1, Valentines Day, Fluff & Schmoop, First Kiss) – Five times Sherlock gave John his heart, and the one time Sherlock got a heart in return (literally).

Water Is Another Matter by cathedral_carver (T, 3,903 w., 1 Ch. || Sick Fic, Pining, First Kiss, Heat Wave, Skinny Dipping) – He thinks it’s in trouble, his poor heart.

Last Christmas by Mazarin221b (T, 3,911 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss) – That Earth-shaking revelation, then, leads to a problem, and one that Sherlock realizes should be solved quickly, before John’s dates turn into girlfriends or boyfriends, because sometimes girlfriends or boyfriends can turn into wives or husbands while your back is turned. Every time John hums happily at the mirror as he shaves, splashes on a little gift cologne Mrs. Hudson bought him for Christmas, Sherlock is drawn back to that night by the fire, and the way John’s touch had made the world stand still.

Five Times John Cooked Something with Peas and One First Kiss by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (T, 3,915 w. || 5 and Ones, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Cooking / Food, Sick Sherlock, Music, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss) – After John cooks five dinners that slowly reveal their hunger for each other, Sherlock and John finally share a first kiss.

Jukebox by standbygo (T, 3,990 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Singing/Music, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Humour, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss) – After the music halls of Sherlock's mind palace get damaged by accident, John learns that Sherlock never forgets a song. Even the ones he'd rather forget. But the random singalong brings some unexpected benefits.

The Oolong Disaster by unicornpoe (T, 4,151 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Beard, Fluff, Humour, Frustrated Sherlock, John Takes Care of Sherlock, Case Fic-ish, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Possessive Sherlock) – John has a beard. Sherlock has a panic attack.

Because Blah Blah Blah Happy by cwb (E, 4,578 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Cuddles, Kissing, First Kiss, Requited Love, Pining Sherlock) – John is entirely done with the milk situation and gives Sherlock a list of shit he's pissed about. Sherlock sets out to make John happy. John is happy. Sherlock makes his own list. They are both very, very happy.

We Bleed into the Grey by QuinnAnderson (T, 4,989 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Supernatural Elements, Fluff & Angst) – It was stupid, really. What was the point of having an ability if it wasn't even a useful one? Sherlock would just as soon be rid of his. Until he meets John Watson, that is.

A Study in Intimacy by doodle (T, 5,183 w., 1 Ch. || WEBARCHIVE LINK || PODFIC AVAILABLE || First Kiss, Virginity, Romance, Touching) – People don't touch Sherlock Holmes, not like they touch other people. Then he meets John Watson.

Welcome Home, John by slashscribe (G, 5,504 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Awkwardness, Stabbed Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Panic Attack (Sherlock), Self Esteem Issues, Love Confessions, First Kiss) – When John moves back to 221B, he thinks he’s the broken one, but after a while, it becomes clear that he might not be correct.

Stranded by BeautifulFiction (T, 5,798 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Communication / Relationship Discussion, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, BAMF John, Doctor John, Case Fic, Drinking, Huddling For Warmth, Friends to More) –  When stranded on a derelict barge at high tide, John and Sherlock reconsider their friendship.

Closeted by sussexbound (T, 6,115 w., 1 Ch. || Love Confession, First Kiss, Games, Trapped in a Closet) – Sherlock and John get trapped in a closet while on a case. Some revelations are made while they play a game to pass the time. Part 1 of Intimacy

Disguises are always a self-portrait by yellowteapots (NR (T), 6,223 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, First Kiss, POV John, Fake Rel.) – Sherlock and John head out of town on a case of murder / suicide at a Pride Fest.

Survival Instinct by shirleyholmes (T, 7,162 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Kiss, Schmoop, Nightmares, Fluff & Angst, Grief, Idiots in Love) – After Sherlock's "comeback" John starts obsessing with constantly making sure he's alive (checking his heartbeat etc.)

The Light of Day by allonsys_girl (M, 7,297 w., 4 Ch. || First Kiss, Angst, TSo3-Fix-It, Possessive Sherlock) – Rewrite of the end of Sign of Three. John actually notices Sherlock leaving the reception early, and chases after him. Angsty Johnlock. Happy ending, for sure. Part 1 of The Light of Day

Speak My Language by Itsallfine (T, 7,479 w., 4 Ch. || Thanksgiving, Love Languages, Love Confessions, First Kiss, John Experiments in Sherlock) – When Mrs. Hudson introduces John and Sherlock to the concept of the five love languages, Sherlock descends into a dark mood and John’s curiosity gets the better of him. What is Sherlock’s love language, and why does the whole concept set him so on edge? Part 1 of A Holiday Triptych

The T-Shirt Thief by watsonsherlocksuniverse (T, 7,968 w., 5 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Doctor John, First Kiss, Canon Fix-It, Developing Rel., Mutual Pining) – Sherlock steals John's t-shirt from the laundry. John catches him wearing it one evening, fluff ensues with an endeared yet teasing John?

The Engine by stitchy (T, 8,294 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Post-HLV, ASiP Do-Over, Sci-Fi, Time Travel) – Shortly after the events of His Last Vow, Sherlock has an opportunity to revisit the night of A Study in Pink and get some perspective on the destiny of he and John's relationship.

Never Been This Swept Away by estalita11 (T, 8,531 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TAB, Mary is Not Nice, Drug Use, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – Set immediately after TAB, Sherlock visits his brother to definitely not apologize about earlier and ends up finally learning a few things that would have been nice knowing about months ago. Mycroft never wants to deal with lovestruck idiots ever again.

High Tide by stardust_made (T, 8,540 w., 1 Ch. || Jealousy, Angst, First Kiss) – A little favour Sherlock stupidly agrees to do for Mycroft leads to John meeting a handsome, affluent man, who is going out of his way to woo him. Sherlock struggles with the situation and with his own reactions to it. Part 1 of The High Tide Series

Ravish Me by amalnahurriyeh (E, 10,025 w., 1 Ch. || UST / RST, Makeup / Lipstick, Sympathetic Sally, Experiments, Pining John, First Kiss, Face Fucking / BJ’s, Cuddling) – Sherlock is experimenting with patterns of wear on lipstick in daily encounters. John is going to go insane.

Their Great Reward by BeautifulFiction (T, 10,095 w., 1 Ch. || UST, First Kiss, Fluff) – Boxing day, in John's opinions, is the worst day of the year. Christmas is over, the tree is wilting and stripped of gifts, and there's a week of dead-time until the clean slate of the new year. However the combination of a blizzard, a power-cut and Sherlock might just make it a day to remember.

The Most Luminous of People by liriodendron (M, 10,979 w., 4 Ch. || Synesthesia, Pre-Slash, Developing Romance, First Kiss) – In which Sherlock Holmes finds out what it's like to truly want something, John Watson isn't too bad at deductions, and everything gets a bit bright for a minute. Part 1 of Conductivity

Say For Me, Love by MirabileLectu (T, 13,147 w., 1 Ch. || UST, First Kiss, Drama, Pining John, Victor Trevor) – If you had asked John this morning what the result of his quiet afternoon at home would be, discovering a truth about Sherlock's past startling enough to shift the foundations of their friendship would not have been his first guess. So naturally, that was what was bound to happen.

Licence to Kiss by fellshish (T, 13,739 w., 4 Ch. || Post-ASIB, Sort-Of Bondlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Angst and Humour, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock loves John, and John loves... James Bond. He only made Sherlock watch every single film. Tedious. And now John's birthday is coming up. Sherlock can't tell him how he feels, but he can organise an amazing gift: John's very own spy adventure. Sherlock begs Mycroft for a real case with some extra gadgets. And perhaps some actors pretending to be criminals. What could possibly go wrong?

On The Fence by BeautifulFiction (T, 13,770 w., 1 Ch. || Fencing, Case Fic, First Kiss, Insecure John, Pining John, Hug, Greg Finds Out) – The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

Hallowed Eve by EventHorizon (T, 14,750 w., 6 Ch. || First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Halloween) – It probably wasn't the smartest idea to let Sherlock choose the costumes for Halloween, but John never considered himself the smartest man in the room, anyway.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

Let's Make a Bed Out in the Rain by theimprobable1 (M, 17,664 w., 11 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, First Kiss, Unrequited, Jealous Sherlock, Protective Sherlock) – John is devastated after his long-term girlfriend leaves him. Sherlock helps him through it.

You're On the Air by prettysailorsoldier (M, 20,616 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock, Matchmaking, Radio, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Flirting, Bisexual John) – The Consulting Detective and The Woman dominate the airwaves of their university radio station, doling out advice on everything from meeting the parents to sexual positions. When their ratings start to dip before the holidays, however, manager Mike thinks it's time for some fresh blood, and who better to fill in the gaps than rugby captain--and notorious flirt--John Watson? Part 1 of 25 Days of Johnlock

Another Auld Lang Syne by DiscordantWords (M, 30,234 w., 31 Ch. || Post S4, Mutual Pining, Alternating POV, Introspection, Parentlock, Christmas, New Year’s, First Kiss, Past Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending, Drinking, Sherlock Whump) – There had been years of missed chances.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching, Mycroft is Dying) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Inscrutable to the Last by DiscordantWords (M, 48,842 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Alternate S3, John’s Blog/S3 is a Story By John, Divorce, Marital Difficulties, John is a Mess, Emotional Reunion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Grief / Mourning, Pining John, First Kiss, Adorably Clueless Sherlock, Nostalgia, Love Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending) – He wasn't Sherlock, he couldn't work miracles. All he'd ever been able to do was write about them.

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w., 12 of ? Ch. || Dev. Rel., Pining, Fluff and Romance, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Cuddles, Girl’s Night, Texting, Virgin Sherlock, Drunk Sherlock, Background Mollstrade, Hair Petting, Laying on Lap) – Sherlock’s journey in defining his flat mate and stumbling through the muddled world of emotion. {{This feels complete; the chapter count is listed as ? but I feel like it is done}}

[crystal-witchiness]

***Okay so I found this in my notes from May 2021 as a reaction to the scenes in the beginning of Endgame when Captain Marvel first brings Tony and Nebula back to Earth, when they first get off the ship, and when Tony yells at Steve a few scenes later when he looks like ‘Death Warmed Over’ in his robe and i thought I’d share -

Every time someone argues with me about my ABSOLUTE 100% belief that Steve and Tony had romantic feelings for each other, I’ll just show them this scene. “And I needed YOU.” He didn’t say “You guys” or “Your help.” Tony looked at Steve with so much pain in his eyes and said, “I needed y o u.” And Steve is just as broken watching Tony. This isn’t the first time this has happened between them. They had MANY scenes like this in Civil War (but I like to pretend that movie didn’t happen cause ‘ow blow a hole in my ship why dontcha?’) I mean technically I could submit that whole movie as evidence of their feelings but there are too many negative emotions wrapped up in it and it hurts. This movie is the first time they’ve seen each other since Civil War and when Tony first gets off the ship he basically falls into Steve’s arms. First of all, Steve fricking S P R I N T S when he sees Tony getting off the ship, then Tony sighs in relief and lets Steve take his weight. AND IMMEDIATELY begins unloading his grief about losing Peter cause he knew Steve would understand and comfort him. You can SEE s e e when Pepper runs up that (Ofc Tony does another sigh of relief that the snap didn’t take her (which I wish it did sorry Pepper your character stopped being interesting in the 2nd Iron Man)) Tony has to pull himself off of Steve and pretend to have it more together than he does because Pepper immediately begins crying and Tony has to comfort her. But Steve doesn’t leave his side. Tony cradling Pepper but he’s turning his body so that Steve can cradle him and ugh. Honestly I would have accepted a polyamorous relationship. Tony NEEDED someone to be the leader. THATS LITERALLY WHAT PEPPER WAS TALKING ABOUT. Tony NEVER rests because he always thinks he has to be the one to do everything, EXCEPT for when Steve’s around. Steve is the Captain and even though they bump heads (a lot, awww couples’ squabbles) Tony ALWAYS defers to Steve when it’s important. And Steve? Steve HAS to be a leader, to be helpful, in a healthy way because he couldn’t be that for most of his life in the past. He was a scrawny defenseless guy who always had to depend on Bucky. So to be able to take care of this group of wonderful people who are so powerful and yet STILL NEED STEVE? It’s who he his. It’s who Tony is too but he doesn’t WANT to be that way, he does it because he has to. He does it when no one else can or he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. This scene right now is Tony feeling helpless and so he lashes out at the easiest person, Steve. Steve is their leader and has saved them many times. Tony saw that picture of Peter and couldn’t handle his own feelings of helplessness so he lashed out to bring down the next ‘leader figure’ of the group. Steve and Tony have always been the parents of the Avengers. Steve is the most dad-est dad ever to dad. Meanwhile, Tony invites everyone to live with him while feeding them, clothing them (armor and civilian clothes) and making sure they have top of the line protection. HE LITERALLY EVEN SAYS THIS IN AGE OF ULTRON. SUCH a mom. So he wanted to make Steve feel his pain because Steve made a promise that they would lose together and Steve wasn’t there on that moon. And OF COURSE Tony knows that Steve was on earth fighting his own battle against Thanos but he wasn’t WITH Tony. And they are always stronger together than apart. (Civil War kinda proved this too) Tony sees Steve’s absence as the reason they lost, because ‘if only they’d been together’ ‘maybe we could have won if we’d only been together.’

ALSO DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON TONY LITERALLY GIVING STEVE A REPRESENTATION OF HIS HEART. I know he did it out of anger and to make a point but he took away this piece of him, that he made SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE HE FELT VULNERABLE WITHOUT THE ARC, and gave it to Steve. Once again shedding that responsibility and giving it to Steve. Because even with the residual anger over Civil War, Tony trusts Steve. He says otherwise in this moment out of anger but that “vision” he talks about here? He literally watches Steve die (YEAH THATS RIGHT I SAID STEVE. Not PEPPER, NOT RHODEY, NOT ANY OF THE OTHER AVENGERS.) Wanda showed him his worst fear in Age of Ultron and it was the death of the Avengers, but he didn’t see THEM die. Everyone else, Thor, Bruce, Natasha, and Clint were already dead. Tony watched STEVE die and it was STEVE saying that Tony could’ve saved them that spurred him into creating Ultron. He was so scared of losing them and letting Steve down (and letting him die) that he wanted to wrap the whole world in armor to protect him. And he tries to do it again in this scene. He means it to be spiteful but he gives Steve his armor and tells him to hide from Thanos. WHICH IS ANOTHER THING UGH. Tony doesn’t know that out of all of the people who fought Thanos in Wakanda that day, Steve was the one who engaged in hand-to-hand combat with him. Everyone else had armor and suits, weapons, etc. Steve has his serum strength and he u s e d it. It didn’t help for very long but he used his BARE HANDS to fight an alien-monster wielding 5/6 of ALL POWERFUL infinity stones, and ofc he was never going to win, but even Thanos looked at Steve in incredulity at his bravery and resolve. A human (a super charged one at that but still a human) fought him with his bare hands and wasn’t going to stop. (Steve proved this again at the end of Endgame when he’s the last one standing against Thanos and his entire army and just tightens the strap on his broken shield, (and most likely broken arm, based on the flinch/hiss) and readies himself to fight alone. Steve also gave Wanda time to destroy the mind stone (unfortunately, that didn’t mean anything in the end)

AND YET Tony doesn’t know any of this. He doesn’t know how hard Steve fought, just like Tony did on Titan, to stop Thanos. And I REALLY wish we had seen Tony’s reaction to Steve standing up to Thanos at the end of Endgame OR EVEN WIELDING MJOLNIR, but anyways.

Back to the basics. Boss level stuff most people don’t remember or think about- Tony’s dad very unhealthily IDOLIZED Steve. He canonically compared everything Tony did to Steve. So Tony grew up idolizing this man that he also despised because it fueled his father’s abuse of him. Tony shows this anger in the first Avengers. When they have their argument on the quinjet. “Everything special about you came out of a bottle.” He even says something about how Steve didn’t live up to his father’s hype (I don’t remember Tony’s exact words but that’s the gist) And ofc Steve says Tony’s nothing without his armor. But then they go on the prove each other wrong multiple times, but mainly in their last moments in the MCU. Steve proves it by standing alone against an ENTIRE alien army and later by picking up mjolnir. And Tony? Tony is that ONE factor in a million that Stephen sees. Tony, a beautifully pure human-being, with no powers or serums to help, takes on the powers of the stones. KNOWING it would kill him. He had proof. It nearly killed Thanos and Bruce and they were hulking (pun intended) beings with super strength and all that.

Tony and Steve were always set up to be spoils to one another and that makes them perfect together. They balance each other out. Pepper was a boss b****, no doubt, and I loved their relationship in the first two Iron Man movies, but as their characters grew and Tony’s personality was intrinsically changed through trauma- Pepper was no longer right for him. She was good for him, no doubt, but Tony couldn’t relax with her as he did with Steve. Tony could trust Steve to take over and everything could be fine. Pepper was like that for Stark Industries but not in other ways. Tony always saw himself as Pepper’s protector. I will 100% give her props for telling Tony that he’d never rest until he tried Scott’s time travel theory, but other than that she wasn’t particularly supportive of Iron. Man. What Pepper never seemed to understand, and what Steve didn’t understand when he FIRST met Tony, is that Tony and Iron Man are synonymous. Their is no ‘man outside the suit.’ Tony Stark is Iron Man and Iron Man is Tony Stark. Steve was placed into an already created persona of Captain America. Steve didn’t create Captain America even though that’s who he was. He was literally MADE for the role. Tony on the other hand, MADE Iron Man. He was the one who built the first suit - dying in a cave in Afghanistan. He was the one who took responsibility for Obadiah and his father’s actions and became a superhero to save the countries that were affected by Stark tech. Steve may have volunteered to be a superhero because he felt like he had no one other choice but Tony DIDN’T HAVE TO. He had fame, money, power, ALL OF IT. He could’ve EASILY hidden his company’s dark underside once he found out. But instead, Tony was like “Hey um so my company has done some bad things and instead of delegating aid through my money and power, I’m going to personally handle this with a titanium alloy suit and technology that I helped create in a cave while being held captive by a terrorist cell.”

Where was I going with this? OH YEAH.

I will believe in TonyxSteve (Stony) for the rest of my life and I will use fanfiction to fill the void of their deaths. Basically, if I lost anyone in the word vomit above, what I’m trying to say is that- Steve and Tony completed each other. They provided something the other needed. Tony needed stability and protection. He needed to feel like he could let go. Steve needed an anchor in the present. Someone lively and opinionated, SOMEONE ADVENTUROUS AND FUNNY, who Steve could smile with and protect. But also. Steve trusted Tony to be a leader as much as Tony trusted him. They had their ups and downs. Trauma and the Accords didn’t help their relationship at all, but should’ve been it for each other. And I honestly believe they would have t h r i v e d.

.

.

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Honestly I applaud anyone who made it this far. I don’t know where this all came from but I will not apologize✌🏻

I rest my case your honor.

[foodieforthoughts]

Sand and Stars - Chapter Five

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: 18+, Mentions of war, military technicalities, slight angst, fluff, implied smut

A/N: Well Hello! Our dear Captain Alex has finally made an appearance! A big thank you to @thelastsock​ who is patiently beta-reading this, I love you woman with my whole heart.

<Chapter Four

Title: Chapter Five

The sun felt scorching hot on her skin as Olivia loaded her gun near the parked Humvees. A mild throbbing at the base of her skull added to the uncomfortable sensations each time she moved. She hadn’t planned to drink almost half a bottle of whiskey last night, but it was cold, and she needed the warmth.

Also, the drink had sort of been a gift from Sy.

Olivia groaned as the memories from last night flashed through her mind. She had literally invited him for a kiss, throwing herself on her Captain like a wanton whore. She felt embarrassed even thinking about it. Thankfully for her, Sy had a better judgement about entertaining drunk women and had resorted to just giving her a tight hug.

Her stomach felt queasy as a sour taste filled her mouth. She swallowed as the uncomfortable feeling set at the pit of her stomach. Running a hand over her sweat covered forehead, Olivia rested against the vehicle.

She felt worthless. Olivia couldn't shake the feeling of repeating history, despite the extreme effort of will she put her hungover mind to this time. She slung her gun over her shoulder as a distant memory of her time with Alex began flashing before her eyes.

The sound of their hurried footsteps on the marble floor echoed through the empty hall. It was almost noon, the temperature soaring high and drinks becoming difficult to keep down. Alex chuckled as Olivia pulled him towards a bathroom door, not caring whether it was for the ladies or the gents. She had been begging for Alex’s attention ever since they got to the wedding party for a fellow soldier, downing an unusual amount of alcohol before finally gathering up the courage to whisper naughty things in his ear. She had been hung over her Captain for far too long, it was time for her to finally taste him.

Olivia massaged her temple with her fingers. She had been so stupid and naïve to start something with Alex. Her Captain. She regretted it now more than ever, 3 years of hookups later. Alex had been her friend since she re-enlisted again after completing her Aviation course. Though to tell the truth she'd been crushing on him since she first laid eyes on his beautiful face. His unbridled confidence, panty-melting smile and boyish charm had worked its magic on Olivia’s mind. It wasn’t something she thought of pursuing on a long-term basis, but his sweet nature only kept driving her closer to him. She liked that he showered her with affection all the time, something her attention-starved mind craved desperately. Only she had mistaken her lust for love.

“Really? Here? You know our seniors are present out on the lawn.” Alex snickered as Olivia began undoing his belt. His blazing eyes sparkled with what was to come next, the anticipation dancing in his beautiful orbs. Dinners together had turned into overnight stays and eventually Olivia had kissed Alex one night, crossing the line of friendship with no turning back.

“We are on leave, aren’t we?” She had suggestively smiled at him, palming his bulge through his pants. She leaned in to kiss Alex, feeling the softness of his lips brushing against hers. She felt her arousal beginning to wet through the thin fabric of her panties as Alex plunged his tongue into the warm cavern of her mouth.

Olivia grinned mischievously as she hopped on the sink counter pulling Alex by his tie to stand between her legs. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled her in to steal another kiss. She unzipped his pants as Alex began trailing down her neck, planting soft kisses over her warm skin and cupping her breast through her dress.

“I don’t have a condom,” Alex said against the skin peeking just above her breast.

“I’m on the pill,” she shrugged and pulled his hardening cock out of its constraints. It pulsated in her hand as she pumped him. Alex groaned into her soft skin and nipped at her in retaliation, making her hiss with pleasure. She bit her lip as she watched him take over his cock and enter her aching folds. Alex let out an unrestrained moan as her warmth enveloped his throbbing member.

“Happy birthday, little birdie.” Olivia blinked as Sy appeared in front of her, smiling from under his cap. He was dressed in his combat fatigues, the vest making him look bigger than he already was. “Hangover?”

Olivia shook her head, warmth spreading over her chest as the vivid memories registered in her mind. “Just…uh, regular headache.” She smiled at her Captain. Her eyes lingered on his, mesmerized yet again by the intensely blue orbs looking back at her. She noticed the freckles on his nose and his lip and the changing shade of brown of his beard as it travelled down his neck.

“Maybe later we can have some chai while we watch the sunset?” Sy leaned against the metal body of the Humvee, one hand resting low on his hip.

Olivia tilted her head to the side and raised her eyebrow. “Sunset? You do realize I fly a chopper for a living? I’ve seen my fair share of sunsets and sunrises by now.”

“But you haven’t seen a sunset with me.” A smirk formed on Sy’s lips, challenging her for another excuse.

Olivia felt a flutter in the pit of her belly and her mouth opened as she was rendered speechless. She felt herself balancing over the same dangerously thin line again. In a weird sense, this didn’t feel the same for her like it was with Alex. With him she had felt a rush of becoming reckless, but with Sy she wanted to be cautious, mindful. When he had kissed her forehead last night and embraced her, she had never felt more safe in the world like she did in that moment.

“Okay.” She nodded, “Rooftop like last night?” Olivia suggested as her unit members began getting into the Humvees, ready to head out. Sy tipped his cap in confirmation before walking towards his own team and barking orders to mount up.

Out in the desert, Olivia spent the rest of her day interacting with the locals and listening to their problems. She was following Lieutenant Pepps's orders about sympathizing with the public, to ensure they get local support in the future. As she listened to a weeping woman complain about the scarcity of food, her mind drifted back to a memory with Alex.

“What changed, Liv?” Alex pulled at her wrist, turning her around to face him. Olivia yanked at his hold, trying to free herself from his grasp. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Alex,” She pleaded, closing her eyes to escape this conversation. She had spent time in Afghanistan and the things she’d seen had changed her. She had seen the fragile nature of life and understood it was useless to be wasting her precious years on someone she only cared about as a friend.

“Tell me, Liv.” His voice was laced with anger, his eyes burning with hatred. “Tell me you don’t love me so that I can remove myself from your life. Because I can’t be your friend, not after all this.” He let go of her hand, slumping his shoulders as his eyes misted with tears and he fell on his knees.

Liv felt the weight of her actions crumbling her down in front of him. She never intended to hurt him, but she couldn’t love him, at least not the way he wanted her to. The possibility of losing her friend forever made her emotions win over her determination to end things with him. “I’m sorry, Alex. I’ll do better. I’m so sorry.”

Olivia sighed as she watched the sun slowly drift towards the horizon casting an orange hue over the sky. She had never gathered the courage to break things with Alex again. He had tried labelling them in a relationship, but she had avoided the topic like the plague. Their arrangement worked as they were deployed to different locations which gave her time away from him, only forcing her to pretend when they were on leave together. She grasped the Saint Christopher medal lying against her chest in her hand and felt the consequences of her actions pricking at her heart.

“Hey,” Sy called out from the doorstep leading out on the roof. He had a canteen in one hand and two cups in another. Liv had walked up to the roof as soon as they had returned to base. The parked white truck had indicated that Sy was back too but since there still had been time until sunset, she had decided to wait out alone on the roof.

“Hey,” she cleared her throat, shaking her head to ward away thoughts about Alex. She smiled weakly at Sy and walked towards him.

Sy frowned with his eyebrows scrunching together. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Did Mahmoud make the chai for us?” She changed the subject, sitting on the pile of sandbags against a wall.

“No, I did.” Sy proudly informed as he took a seat beside her.

Olivia watched as Sy poured the steaming cardamom tea in the cups and handed one to her. She breathed in the aroma before taking a sip of the hot liquid. “Incredible. When did you learn to make chai?”

“Picked up the recipe over the years.” He shrugged his shoulders, but Olivia noticed his chest puff up with pride on getting complimented on his acquired skill. Sy turned to face towards the expanse of the desert beyond the compound, silently sipping his tea.

“Captain Syverson, man of many talents.” She said in a sing-song voice and leaned back against the wall, bringing her knees up to her chest and holding her cup with both her hands.

Liv watched as Sy chuckled, his shoulders shaking with his laughter. The hair of his beard over his upper lip glistened with steam caught in it, almost urging her to wipe her hand over his mouth.

“You are staring, little birdie.” He looked at her sideways, his lips curling at the corners.

Liv rolled her eyes, but her mouth twitched with a smile forming on them. “What’s with the nickname?”

“Well you fly the Little Bird, so that makes you little Birdie.”

She laughed as he finished his sentence, looking at him to see if he was joking. “How original, Sy.” She shook her head dismissively, but a fluttery feeling settled in her heart.

“Hey, I didn’t want to call you by the names everyone used.” He defended himself, feigning hurt dramatically by clutching his left pec over his heart.

Liv continued to laugh thinking about the silly reason behind the nickname, but adding it to the list of names she already had. They sat in silence, enjoying their tea as they watched the sun dipping down the horizon with every passing minute. The sky burst into a mixed palette of orange and purple, the clouds drifting away with the wind.

She felt Sy’s eyes on her as she sipped the remnants of tea from her cup. She bit her lip feeling mischievous and commented, “You’re staring, Captain.” She tilted her head to look at him, only to feel her breath hitch as she stared into his cerulean eyes. Sy had the softest look on his face, his smile barely visible from under the bush of his beard.

“What?” She asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Who’s Captain Coop?”

His question caught Olivia off-guard and she blinked several times to understand that Sy had indeed asked about Alex. “Wh-what?” She tried to not stumble over her words but Sy had left her stunned.

“Yesterday, they were teasing you with his name. I just thought I should ask.” Sy’s gaze never left her face, even when he placed his cup to the side along with hers and the empty canteen.

Liv let out a slow, ragged breath. The mention of Alex’s nickname had her heart racing, her mind going through a carousel of his memories. “He was our captain, before you. My men...they were just… fooling around.” She plucked a jute strand from the sandbag she was sitting on, avoiding Sy’s stare.

She felt him shift on the bag and when she peered, she noticed him coming to stand in front of her. Liv looked up at him as his body loomed over hers. He bent down so as his face was right in front of her.

“So, you’re saying, I don’t have to worry about another man in your life?” His voice was low, and his breath felt warm against her skin.

“N-no. Why?” She gulped as her throat became dry. She watched as Sy licked his lips wet and smiled at her.

“Because I am going to kiss you and I ain’t gonna kiss some other man’s girl.” Sy whispered and waited for her to answer. A slight nod of her head was all he needed as he brought his lips down on hers, placing a soft and gentle kiss over her desirous lips.

Liv closed her eyes as the feeling of his lips sent sparks down her spine. The coarse hairs of his beard grazed against her face as she moved her lips against his. Sy placed his hand over her cheeks as he moved his lips with hers, darting his tongue out seeking permission to enter. She grabbed a hold of his t-shirt and another at the nape of his neck and pulled him closer to her and opened her mouth slightly to grant him access.

The minutes felt like they stretched into hours as Sy’s tongue danced against hers. She could taste the faint taste of cardamom on his tongue and breathe in his musky scent as she willingly deprived herself of oxygen. Panting as their lungs struggled to take in air, Sy let go of her with a last pull on her bottom lip.

When Olivia opened her eyes, the sun had set beyond the horizon and darkness was falling over the desert. Sy let out a slow breath as he grazed his knuckles over her cheek. She felt herself leaning in his touch as her breathing came back to normal.

“Sunsets and kisses, aren’t you a romantic Syverson?” She teased, biting her lower lip between her teeth.

Sy chuckled. “Told you our first kiss would be memorable.” Sy shrugged his shoulders with a cheeky smile, before pulling Liv up for another breathtaking kiss.

Chapter Six>

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