#he's genuinely such a complex character and i need to dissect him

[merakiui]

mera, can u give me link to post about chalk line au pleeasee 🥺👉👈

Yes!! :D here is the origin post. If you would like to read more cute yan with Floyb, the tag fluffy floyd hours is full of similar writings. It's an old-ish thought, but despite that I'm happy it's still enjoyable and discussed even today!!!

I've been so Skully-brained I forgot all about the cutie eel who makes yummy meals for you and is so patient with you and tries to cheer you up in silly ways and is just so soft and gentle,,, 🥺 he's the sweetest eel. It's Jade who needs to be tortured in the most medieval of ways for his crimes........ >:( but maybe it's possible to think of soft, fluffy yan Jade.

[meanbossart]

Hi RJ! I hope you are having a great time with your partner! Sorry if this has been asked before, but I was curious what DU Drow’s thoughts are to Astarion marking him like he did to himself. I know you’ve mentioned that Drow did a lot of the scarification as a teen to cope with things, and in your Bhaalist AU Drow has Astarion do some of the face marks. But I saw the art with Astarion’s bite marks on Drow’s ass and I doubt Drow was unhappy about that lol. Does he like having permanent marks from his partner? Do they ever bring any sort of blood/knifeplay into their relationship? I’d be super interested to hear Drow’s thoughts about it! And alternatively what you think Astarion would feel about it.

Your art is absolutely gorgeous and you are easily one of my favorite artists of all time. Your mastery of body shape, facial expressions, telling a story through character design, everything makes me swoon at your art. I’m so invested in your freaky man, RJ, I love him and as someone with a master’s degree in clinical psychology I want to dissect his brain and study him under a microscope

Thank you so much for your kind words!!! Happy to have a specialist in the field here watching this trainwreck LOL

And that's a very interesting question! Besides for his forearm scars (which were a weird show of dominance in his bhaalspawn days) DU drow's facial and chest scarification were actually done by Orin, and as you can guess he is very into the idea of being permanently marked by his partner - definitely the kind of guy to get your name tattooed on him six months into the relationship.

He does have an inkling of good sense and propriety, though. It's kind of a pillar of the character that he knows how to operate in society in favor of coming across as pleasant and only an acceptable level of eccentric, which is to say that he has the vaguest idea that requesting that Astarion mutilate him for his own pleasure might not bode well. This, as it is the case for everything else, is my own take on the character, but Astarion does not strike my as someone who would want to permanently harm their partner once he's made a genuine emotional bond with them. DU drow realizes this, plus there's the whole treating-him-with-kid's-gloves complex which leads him to believe this would be a sensitive topic, given Astarion's own background.

But DU drow often fantasizes about the scenario, specially during sex or moments where he is emotionally overwhelmed with his love for him. It takes him some time to make the connection between his own scars and what they mean about past relationships, but perhaps at some point an opportunity would arise where he makes such request - and he would do it because it's important, and because he has to for once in his life trust Astarion to either A) participate enthusiastically or B) Allow him to choose to take on the discomfort of his own free-will, and see it as a sign of love and compromise rather than the helplessness he imposes upon him.

And I think that depending on how it was presented, Astarion would do it. He wouldn't do it on a whim, or just to get DU drow's rocks off, but he would do it if he saw that it was something that he really needed, and for good reason. He wouldn't like the process, but he would appreciate having that trust put on him and to have the chance to care for his partner, to have him ask him for help, as weird as the request might be.

[twst-megane]

So I recently just finished Book 5 and I need y’all to know Vil is like my top fav even before starting book 1 and I just ended up loving him more even now and how so much care and knowledge was written to create such a layered and complex character

I’m not that good in gathering my thoughts into posts like this but I just wanted to share my thoughts cuz I genuinely love the writing in Book 5 as of now :3

BOOK 5 SPOILERS KINDA

1. Envy

The baseline that drove to Vil into overblot. How his desire to play the hero and be on stage longer, his inner envy towards Neige, it accumulated so much from childhood till now and to the point of almost potentially killing Neige but I personally don’t think it was the main reason for his OB

2. Reflection

I’m going off by the official ENG translation but I really love his line before overblotting, “Don’t look at me with those eyes”

He knew what he was going to do if Rook hadn’t stopped him and he immediately regretted it, he became the role he detested for all those years and he hated himself even more for it, he couldn’t forgive himself, which I feel is the real reason he OB compared to a simple jealousy buildup over the years and wanting to be the best. I really like this route more as someone with intrusive thoughts during my worst, it’s a horrible feeling when you realised the horrible things you thought of and the thought of acting it.

3. Loneliness

The higher your power, the lonelier you become.

I feel like this can be said for like every housewarden but I’ve rarely seen ppl talk about this aspect regarding Vil. He couldn’t star in hero roles because he was TOO perfect and beautiful that an average person couldn’t relate, it’s the complete opposite to the rest of the housewardens where they were lonely due to being inferior/intimidating which is an interesting thing to spin the loneliness part onto Vil really well.

He didn’t even appear to have any close friends since childhood, I don’t think he’d consider Jack or Neige to be his close friends but more like at a distance due to how far Vil is in most things. But I don’t think loneliness is the main point of his overall character or trauma but it’s an interesting aspect to consider especially when fitting with the rest of the housewardens.

4. Jamil and Vil Parallels

It’s really funny Jamil shares almost the exact same thoughts as Vil and it brings me back to my second point considering both Jamil and Vil have someone they consider to be superior than them being the most pure and kindhearted person (Kalim and Neige). It’s even more interesting Kalim was the one that escalated the OB and not Jamil from the previous pattern of OB characters escalating the next char into OB. Book 5 expanded a lot on Kalim as a character and he never makes the same mistake twice once he learns which is why it was heartwarming he saw the same eyes Jamil made in Vil’s and tries to stop him.

Bonus :

Rook constantly being the observer in the background and always watching out for Vil really warms my heart, even if its for the good, he always thinks the good for Vil specifically. He saved Neige but only cuz he knows Vil isn’t that sort of person. He cares so much about him he’s so sweet.

I really love love love how they touched on how being an actor can make you be perceived. As a kid you’re very impressionable towards specifically live action actors playing a certain character because your brain would find it hard to find a separation between actor and character and could even paint one as a villain in real life. It has happened before and it’s still a thing now so I really love they added this in even if Vil doesn’t seem to be too bothered by it but it minimally added a little fuel to the fire on why he hated the roles as a villain.

Anyway I really love Vil as a character I can dissect him forever nobody can make me hate him I love him so much 😭😭😭

[thrawns-backrest]

Prompted by this post and the related interview, reason 15467352 why I think Dave Felony isn’t up to the task of writing live action Star Wars.

I was going to harp about how this proves Filoni hasn’t read the books but this interview is from before the canon trilogies were out so touché on that. And yet this just proves to me why Filoni isn’t the guy for the job of writing Thrawn. Or any live action imperials for that matter.

I’ll start by saying that one thing I will concede is that the notion of the Imperial military being plagued by incompetent officers is not entirely unrealistic. Given that it’s a stratocracy, you can expect to find people who used politics to climb the ranks rather than actual military competence - it’s a kind of French Revolution situation kind of thing. Historically it’s been known to happen in our world.

Combine that with the fact that the Empire is racist, elitist and (kind of) sexist as all hell and you have a limited pool of people to pick from when filling its ranks, pushing some genuine talent to the fringes or excluding it altogether.

The thing I’m entirely tired of seeing though is the implication that it’s the majority of Imperial leadership that’s like this and by this I mean incompetent. The overwhelming majority at that. But more on the Empire’s moronicity later, let’s talk about Thrawn.

“He’s not ambitious in the way where he needs to see himself promoted, or a governor one day. He purely wants to dissect them; that’s what he enjoys!” This. This grinds my gears so much. For starters it proves that Filoni sees Thrawn as this ‘quirky baddie’ where Zahn treats him as an actual person. There’s something almost condescending in taking a neurodivergent coded character and being like ‘aww, look at them, they’re so happy doing their little thing they don’t have any other goals and ambitions whatsoever :)’.

To get things straight, Thrawn has always been annoyed by the limitations placed on him by an inferior rank. You could argue it’s for the simple reason that a higher rank gives him more freedom to act and pursue his goals but that’s just what that is, a simplification.

And that’s where Filoni’s problem lies:

Filoni is good at writing cartoons. And before people raise their pitchforks, I don’t mean this in a negative way. Writing cartoons forces you to squish complex ideas into a digestible format, the genre needs simplification and caricature to work and doing that well is a talent all by itself.

You’re meant to put in some extra effort to suspend your disbelief in order to enjoy the deeper complexities of the story. Where that stops working though is when you step out of the genre and move into live action and our good buddy Dave doesn’t seem to realize that.

It may admittedly sound like I’m being unnecessarily harsh on him and I probably am but I do realize the guy is just doing what he does best. I doubt he has any real beef with neurodivergents or has no actual clue that militaries need a base level of competence in order to function and thrive.

Neither is he the only one guilty of implying the Empire’s competent staff can be counted on the fingers of one hand. “It’s just so different for them to have a bad guy that’s, you know, actually smart with how he uses the Imperial war machine!” Okay, Dave. Sure Dave. “[…] with the exception of Tarkin – Tarkin’s strategically intelligent” Oh so there’s two of them! (okay okay, I’ll stop here)

My point is, you can’t get away with making the antagonists so stupid in a realistic setting. I recently saw someone compare Kenobi and Andor in terms of portraying your antagonists correctly and I have to agree that Andor is the only star wars live action media in recent memory that gets it right. (Though even Andor is guilty of injecting some stupid into its plot in order to enable implausible events to happen. I’m looking at you, Maarva’s speech.)

Because the thing is, the more bumbling and idiotic you make your antagonists, the more it detracts from the efforts and skills of your protagonists when defeating them. The Empire is sprawling and all powerful, so much so that it takes several force users pulling deus ex machinas out of their ass to bring it down. In conjunction with the extreme dedicated efforts of the Rebellion mind you.

It took a timely coincidence of hubris, political corruption and flawed strategy working together to allow it to happen. Give me media that explores why the Empire endured for so long, the mechanisms in place that made ordinary people turn into cogs of the machine, the selective process behind constructing an absolutely ruthless, dangerous leadership, media that looks at how these same conditions can come about in our world rather than the unrealistic explanation of ‘people bad because bad’.

Zahn, Gilroy, Luceno and many others are examples of writers that do this justice. Pass the baton on to Filoni and you end up with an antagonist who’s smart as an exception because ‘he’s just so quirky’ while still bearing all the hallmarks of a cartoon villain, the ominous gloating speeches and sadistic behaviour and whatnot.

I’d be hella remiss to say it hasn’t left its mark on the fandom either. The amount of times I’ve seen characters like Tarkin, Krennic, Palpatine, etc. be moronified (while Thrawn inevitably gets his victim treatment) while completely ignoring the fact that defeating them was no small feat and their having weaknesses to exploit isn’t something that detracts from just how dangerous and scary these motherfuckers were.

The Clone Wars was a good show. Rebels was a good show. But by god is Filoni bad at transferring his skills to live action and no one can convince me that Thrawn isn’t the best example of that.

[yellowocaballero]

hi I am one of the people who read your no chip au (and serendipitously reread it pretty recently). I am delighted by the prospect of getting to read more (even better??), you have such a wonderful ability to write characters in any setting who suck so badly in ways that are so so interesting. obi-wan had a father figure it was cody that's just what dads are like.

THANK YOU SO MUCH I love hearing that I'm good at writing people who suck interestingly. That is genuinely usually my main goal. I do it on purpose.

There's a lot of reasons why. I think partly just because the stuff I write is usually character-focused, which means that characters need to be the source of drama and conflict, which means that a story is at its most Dramatic if a character is falling off the bad decisions tree and hitting every branch on the way down. Dysfunction is just more interesting than function. But that doesn't mean they have to suck, right? Evil isn't necessarily more interesting than goodness. I find that the reasons why I chase goodness are often far more complex than the reasons I hurt people. Chasing goodness is arduous, intensive, exhausting, and time-consuming work. We need strong motivation to do it.

But I think that's why. I do think of the guys as people who suck, interestingly. But the people I write I think are, by the end of the story, chasing goodness. The path towards chasing goodness is hard. I think we (Tumblr, especially) talks about goodness as if it's an innate desire, that we are naturally good and that evil is a deviation from our natural state of goodness, and that's probably true in an evolutionary sense. Babies are altruistic. But I think that thinking of good as something that good people do can leave us complacent to the great harm that good people are capable of. Goodness is a path you have to find for yourself, and we tend to believe we've found it before we actually do.

OBI-WAN HAD A FATHER FIGURE IT WAS CODY THAT'S JUST WHAT DADS ARE LIKE.

I spent too much verbiage on this post to start dissecting Cody here because that is such a fucking long post - it is, maybe, a 9 story and 200k+ word post [I said 100k before but I was very wrong] - but it's absolutely a story about the ruin love makes of a life. I have, however, been informed that Cody is what East Asian parents are like, specifically. If it's fathers specifically, it's because Cody is an authoritarian. He does great and immense amounts of harm to pretty much everybody throughout the story, and he does it because he loves you, and he does it because he is a fascist, and he does it because being a fascist is the only way he knows how to love you.

I find that (hyperspecifically?) fanfic has issues treating both parents and children as fully realized people and characters simultaneously. This is because fanfic authors tend to skew younger, lmfao, but also because the wish fulfillment tropes used tend to flatten people. Either the parent is an embodiment of our wish fulfillment works for the great parent or a cartoonish devil of evil parenting specifically set up so the perfect parent can swoop in (I fucking hate Batfam fics.), or the child is an accessory for the elementary school teacher/single dad meet-cute trope. Either way, the 'right' parenting is not flawed, and parents are rarely people. And forget about having, like, fascists, be people.

I'll always be sympathetic to Cody. He was a victim of fascism, and his only true desire was to save his family from the pain they were entrenched in. He made hard decisions because he prioritized his family being alive and safe, at the expense of his own soul. I can't blame him for what he did. He had lost so many people and he couldn't stand to lose any more.

And what he did made him actually the supervillain of the entire story, caused every conflict, and hurt everyone around him. It's a sincerely messy situation with a sincerely messy person, and it's a tragedy that would not have happened if Cody's life had been kinder.

I hope that people have empathy for the ways in which Cody and Ben are messed up. There's pain and love in equal measures there.

Also this is both a play on Luke and Vader's relationship (obviously - the Q of what do you do when you have a supervillain dad?) AND a deconstruction of the cutsey family funtimes Dad!Vader and Cutiepie!Luke stories because, I also have them as a guilty pleasure don't get me wrong, having an actual supervillain for a dad CANNOT ACTUALLY BE FUN and no matter how nice and kind he is to you, everything surrounding him has to be SO DAMAGING -

[silawastaken]

I'm SO sorry and I feel like such a loser for it sometimes but I really do just want to talk about the technical stuff behind the things I write sometimes. Both fanfic wise, poetry wise, and more recently music wise, but I always want to talk about the attention to detail, the foreshadowing, the way things change in the process of writing, the original concept vs the final product.

I really really hate it but my brain really is wired for literature, and there's nothing that can have me talking for as long as asking about the detail behind my fics. The only one you can really ask about without it becoming a nit-pick of all the flaws (which is never attention or compliment seeking, I genuinely don't like most of what I write or make) or talk about foreshadowing aspects without major spoilers is the (not so) perfect pair as it's complete and well thought out (in my opinion).

The music I'm working on currently, when the lyrics are written out they read as a love letter, which is intentional!!! but also you could ask about the specific ties that each lyric has– for example in 'Prophecies of the Morning Sun' the lyric "a single witness as heaven comes down" the implication is that (as the song is written as if from my perspective) my lover is heaven, and I (or, whoever was listening to the song) was the only witness to their arrival, or the only person to see them as they are.

And then, in the final verse "facing you to see heaven in your eyes" is supposed to tie back to the idea that in my (or, again, whoever was listening's) eyes, my lover is heaven to me. IT'S ALL INTENTIONAL (or maybe not, but it all connects in the end regardless).

Anyway I'm sorry, slight word dump over, I just really wish I had more opportunities to properly talk over what I do. I would love to write a long ass essay dissecting the (not so) perfect pair bit by bit but also. There is no audience for that lmao.

As the gold bleeds into grey is where I'm going insane over this specifically, as there is always some detail which I am trying to point out without having to explicitly state it, but I feel the need to make sure people know what I'm doing. Especially with the most recent chapter (chapter ten – spoilers) where Chuuya is leading Dazai through Yokohama while it's busy, and he doesn't want to show his concern that Dazai was still following by looking back to check on him, but he does so anyway because he loves him.

This is a reference to Orpheus and Eurydice, which is why the chapter is titled 'Orpheus and denial', because in this Chuuya is supposed to represent Orpheus, but he also refuses to admit he still loves Dazai (whether to himself or to Dazai is up for interpretation– he's complex enough that even I don't know) and it was driving me insane that I couldn't explicitly state 'Hey! This is a reference!' because that's not what I want to do!!!! Ugh. Sorry. Soooo not worth this but I am constantly thinking about it lmao.

I'm always adding little details like that, I'm always referencing canon and making decisions about certain numbers to use for things (such as their room being number 15 on floor 3. They met at 15 in canon, and knew each other for three years before the split at eighteen. There's also another reason for it involving 15 and 3 years which would be Spoiling It but there's another reason behind that choice too).

If you ask me, I can tell you what characters who are never even mentioned in the main story of tnspp were doing at different points in the story. My au's are SOOOO carefully thought out most of the time.

Anyway. Yap actually over this time. Sorry I should really talk less lmao

[morballs]

i don't discuss much about my Duck lives AU outside of design elements and the context behind them, but I feel like Duck's and Kenny's relationship would be intriguing to explore...

Within the game canon, it's mentioned and somewhat shown that Kenny takes a more distant parenting approach with his son, especially throughout his earlier years, where Kenny mentions that he often went fishing for long periods of time to get away from his family (to which he laments about regretting later on). Personally, I like this attribute about their dynamic. While Kenny obviously deeply cares for his son, he'd still probably not entertain his interests beyond surface level, which would ultimately develop into him being clueless and/or ignorant to how his son has changed over the years, even if they spend majority of their time together. I see their relationship as becoming strained in my AU. Sure, they have their cute moments every now and then, but ultimately their disputes and arguments overpower these warm and fuzzy instances. Kenny's character in the first two seasons are best described as aloof and resentful, often holding grudges and usually letting his emotions lead his actions. A prime example would be when if Lee choses to be against killing Larry in the meat locker, as in the following episode, Kenny decides to run away from the walkers attacking Lee in the drug store, trying to use him as bait for his own escape because his vendetta against Lee not taking his side back then (to which he obviously survives... dumbass bitch) He's openly affectionate towards Clementine in season 2, mostly because he sees Duck in her, and takes her return as a sign to correct his wrongs when it came to raising Duck. (He admits this, IIRC) But since he has no real need to redeem himself through his own guilt of losing his son, he'd likely keep Clem and AJ at arms length... But since Duck survived, he feels as if he's done a good enough job of raising his boy. "He's still alive and kicking, right?" kind of mentality I guess... Kenny believes that his aloof demeanor towards Duck had successfully worked with toughening him up for this new world. Duck obviously views this differently, often struggling with the idea that his father might view him as a massive disappointment, and therefore imagines himself as being useless or a burden, to which this ultimately just creates a greater rift in their relationship.

With Duck being a kid in the second and third seasons, he struggles with a healthy outlet to vent his frustrations, and even struggles finding a name to the emotions that he's experiencing. While caught in the throes of being a pre-teen to early teenager, he begins acting more and more spiteful towards his father, maybe through distancing himself physically and emotionally (Kenny doesn't notice), becoming hostile or downright acting physically aggressive with either him or Clementine, who "got in his way in the middle of an outburst." He doesn't have much time to grieve when his father either dies or goes missing, filing their complicated kinship away for another day to dissect thoroughly. Or he simply just doesn't want to accept the reality of the situation he was caught in; having never had the chance to mend their relationship or at least shown care for his father until it was too late.

HWATVER!!!! what im trying to say. is that. Duck is a complex character full of complex emotions that got handled unfairly, this probably left him emotionally stunted and inexperienced with the fragility of relationships and bonds. While he'd definitely be an extrovert, he'd genuinely struggle with debating whether or not he should seek true, and raw friendships with people, as they'd either die, disband, or turn against him.

He'd only truly be close to Clem and AJ.

yay!!!

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

If youre ok w sharing then i would love to hear your thoughts on lotor........ Hes such a weird guy. Dissecting him like a frog

If i get hate for this, i am blaming you/j but in all honesty i apologize if this kinda messy, as i have said it has beem awhile since i saw any of the episodes about him. Most of it is my personal interpretation and opinions of his character-

First of all i personally hate both "L0tor is evil rapist imperialist who did not have a single redeemable quality" and "L0tor is uwu poor baby who did nothing wrong", because yeah he had good intentions and he seemed to genuinely love Alura and care for Alteans but also he very much did do a lot of things Wrong. I am pretty sure a lot of his actions fall into category of Very Wrong

Lot0r to me is an absolute control freak, he has to be 10 steps ahead of everyone, he needs to be control of the situation no matter what. Whether it be through a silver tongue or by his blade (see N@rti's death, him vs White Lion). This is as much as a ruthless strategy as it is a trauma response. Being raised under Z@rkon, a father who only saw him as inferior half-bred, he had to learn survivor tactics. He will do anything to survive whether it be beg, lie, manipulate, and kill. He is a survivor of some genuinely godawful abuse he suffered for 10,000 years, combined with racism he suffered for being half altean

However this need to be in control extends to his allies and people he cares about. I am sure Lotor may have loved Alura, it doesnt change the fact that he very much abused her trust. Their entire relationship was based on a lie. He knew Alteans were still alive and not only did he not tell Alura about it he leaned into the "last survivors of Altea" for their relationship, which is why it was doomed since the beginning. And if it had not been this, then it would have been something else. Cause lying and manipulation are very much core of his character, that is how we are introduced to him

Like i see people going "Oh Lot0r could have been good if he had therapy and a hug", and i am not really not sure about it, cause like would he? Would he choose to be vulnerable and actually let his feelings out and be truthful in a an unbiased reliable way that will neither serve him in any way nor make him look better nor is a part of some machivilian scheme he cooked up because he doesnt trust the therapist he is paying? No

And thing is he does desire connection. He looks for connection in people who are similar to him. Half galran, altean survivors, Alura these are the people who he chose to get close to. He looks for similarities, people he can relate to, people who he sees as like him, people who he thinks can give him a sense of belonging. He is deeply lonely. However his desperation for control, absolute mistrust in anyone and everyone, and his inability to be actually honest dooms any relationship he'll ever have

Also this is probably just me, but for someone who is this morally complex character he has tendency to see things in black and white? Like it is His dad and empire= bad, alteans=good. He idolizes Altea to the point of seeing it as an Utopia, and this ideal was more important to him than any Alteans who are alive and with him. I also cant remember him ever caring about someone outside of the Dichotomy. Like at most i remember is after he became the emperor Lance pointing out how other planets need to be freed and he just brushed it off

Overall he gives me the "smart people dont always make good decisions, but they are good at justifying their bad ones" vibes. We dont know exactly why he decided to use alteans as batteries but i am choosing to go with my interpretation- "Lottor saw something fucked up in that future showing space whale thingy, decided the only way to solve was altean batteries except in true self fulfilling prophecy greek tragedy way it only made things worse and started a series of event that will cause the thing he saw causing real trouble a few years after his death.

Another thing! I think it should have been him being the focus of Evil Altean episode instead of A//ura. I hate that episode and everything it stands for but like if there Had to be an evil alteans episode then it should be around someone who is you know? Obsessed with Altean culture? Is big on control and manipulation? Is more geared towards big picture and "greater good" over individual? Is worried about turning into just like his galran father and so desperately wants to connect to his idealized version of his altean mother? Yeah

[willumity2020]

My Thoughts on Amity Blight

I initially thought of Amity as a mean rich girl who bullies everyone, including Willow; however, as the series went on, I didn't see her as such, and after watching episodes beginning with "Lost in Language" and ending with "Understanding Willow", it all made WAY TOO MUCH sense on who she REALLY is and WHY she behaved the way she did: Amity has a complex trauma (C-PTSD) from her upbringing; she was emotionally abused by Odalia who pressured and blackmailed her into becoming a top student, emotionally neglected by Alador who enabled Odalia's abusive behavior, and even teased and pushed away by Emira and Edric. Because of that, Amity was raised as a miserable loner with no love or respect, and under Odalia's influence, she had been living a lie and putting on an act and façade (such as being rich snob, faking her desire of joining the coven which was forced upon by Odalia, associating with Boscha and her gang which was also forced upon by Odalia, etc).

Both "Lost in Language" and "Understanding Willow" made crystal clear without a shadow of a doubt that Amity was NEVER a bully she appeared to be; her selfish and harsh behavior was simply a reaction to how she was treated as a child, as well as her coping with her loneliness and misery as a result of Odalia forcing her to end her friendship with Willow. She never wanted to hurt Willow and was forced to do so; she was just pretending to dislike Willow and acting as a bully to protect her from Odalia and that's all.

Compared with her favorite children's book character Odiban; Amity never had real friends and her friendship with Willow was forcefully cut off by Odalia, who bullied her into associating with Boscha, who was a real bully. Amity's pretending to hang out with Boscha made everyone think she was rich snob, she let Boscha pick on Willow cause she needed to keep up the façade. Odalia compelled Amity to get green hair because she wanted her children to be "color coordinated", despite the fact that Amity inherited her father Alador's hair color. All she wanted was love, respect, and a real friends who she can laugh with and grow together with, but they keep being taken away.

And here's more, Amity never wanted to join the Emperor's Coven; her seeming excitement to join it was, IN FACT, forced upon her by Odalia. Amity also hoped that if she will have to participate in something she dislikes, she might as well try to get something out of it for herself such as love and respect from her family and the others. Amity was expecting for a better future since, according to her sister Emira, the former wasn't happy in the past and it wasn't denied by Amity who was looking for a future that would make her happy, which ironically wouldn't have happened at all.

But when Luz came around (despite taking some time), Amity finally began to come out of the shell that Odalia forced her in and Amity became a better person for it.

And besides that, the ONLY time Amity was GENUINELY mean was when she was rightfully angry with Luz for helping Willow cheat at her school assignment and getting her sent to Principal Bump's office. As for King, Amity was only mean to him by association because he knew Luz. Amity DIDN'T try to dissect Luz. She was just trying to force Luz into revealing she wasn't an abomination. What she wanted was to prove Willow cheated. Luz wasn't tied up or anything, if she didn't want to get stabbed all she had to do was... move out of the way.

Amity never had any social life after what happened with Willow, she couldn't stand Boscha and her gang and didn't have any actual friends; she only hung out with them superficially (it means fakely) under Odalia's influence. Once Luz befriended her, Amity's life got a million times better and she was actually happy for the first time in literal years.

Same as the one with Luz, Amity didn't wanted Boscha and her gang to find out about her true friendship with Willow, so she tried to burn the photo memory of their childhood friendship. While in Willow's mind, the real reason Amity didn't wanted to fix the memory of her friendship with Willow is that she didn't want Luz to find out, because she was afraid Luz would judge her especially without the proper context and thought she'd end up losing another real friend. However, thanks to Luz's emotional support, Amity reconciled with Willow by telling the truth and ended her forced association with Boscha and her gang in Understanding Willow; they became friends again in Wing it Like Witches which chronologically takes place either a few weeks or maybe one month after Enchanting Grom Fright. Despite fixing everything and regaining her friendship with Willow who understood and forgave her, Amity still felt bad about what happened, both the part with Odalia and the fact that she almost burned up Willow's brain trying to hide it, she knows Willow isn't angry anymore, but she still felt bad that all that stuff still happened because she was afraid to let Luz and Willow know the truth.

Amity was trying to make things be the way she and Willow used to be when they were kids, as shown in Labyrinth Runners where she kept getting in Willow's way because of it.

[kidflashimpulse]

You’ve kind of already answered this in AAIT but I’m high off of no sleep and figured it couldn’t hurt to ask anyways <33

Do you think Bart would every tell Ed, Jay, or Jaime (or anyone else) about anything regarding his past? Alternatively, do you think any of his loved ones would infer certain thoughts based on his actions, scars, etc? Super curious as to what you think (dissecting all Bart thoughts on your brain fr)

this is one of those things that varies depending on what type of plots or seasons of YJ i’m thinking about. All in all, i do think Jaime could know the most primarily because of his (or rather Blue Beetles) involvement in Barts time. I just feel like generally, it would start because he’d just want to know exactly what type of atrocities blue beetle is capable of and also out of some type of (albeit unecessary but he’s a little sensitive like that) self sacrificial/hating form of repenting, but of course with the passage of time when he becomes genuine good friends with bart he also just wants to know out of concern for his friend. And because he probably already knows the most to begin with, and is possibly bart’s first closest friend, it just makes it easier for bart to divulge the extra details if he’s either in the right mood or prompted in some way. Because Jaime already has a grasp on the major things, it would be very easy for Bart to just build on what he already knows. Theres a lot of potential for complexities to be considered in this, like mixed feelings of jaimes guilt / bart possibly having some innate sense of hate at the very early stages of talking about it and having no problem making jaime feel bad / bart starting to completely genuinely like jaime (if he didn’t from the get go) and then feeling guilty about his friend needing to share the burden. Just a lot to consider in what it means for Bart to share about his past with him. In terms of to what extent and how much bart shares with him, well that can be up to debate, but i do feel like Jaime can possibly have the best idea of it among bart’s family/friends circle.

With Ed I feel like it would be very unnatural for him to know as many details as Jaime for the first few years, i just don’t see bart divulging such details without making Ed into a “therapist friend” type of character, which i don’t see him being, because it’s not a nice type of friendship to have, and i don’t see Bart jumping into that type of friendship either. Doesn’t mean Ed isn’t incredibly sympathetic nor a good friend to talk to about these things, nor that he doesn’t use his background to prompt these types of talks. It just means that throughout the course of their friendship, whilst he probably has gotten more details than most people, you know as a result of actually getting to know someone especially if ur interested in them, doesn’t mean that Bart is prompted to share as much about the gory details of major things of his past. I imagine that throughout the possible collection of tender moments they might have shared between eachother, he has probably gotten the jist in a summary type of sense. Maybe as they start dating, he’s more motivated to be a bit more upfront on things out of curiosity and attributing certain traits that can be explained by understanding someone better, and bart would also feel more comfortable to just naturally talk about things too.

in terms of family, I feel like because Jay and Joan spent the most time with him due to living together, they might have inferred quite a bit of things, but not early enough that would be expected of them being u know, his guardians. I kind of go into this in the next chapter of AAIT (which takes on a very different pace/setting compared to the previous chapters)

Barry is kind of hopeless, if he knows anything it’s either through others or by some stroke of luck lmfao

Iris probably infers quite a bit herself and probably has some good talks with Bart

Generally i don’t think it’s something Bart is intentionally hiding for the sake of keeping it a secret, he just doesn’t have any crazy incentive to divulge these things in the first place. i think the most natural thing is for him to just drop things here and there and if anyones paying attention or can put the 2 and 2 together, they can infer quite a few things about him. Because like i said he’s not explicitly hiding it, he’s just kind of counter intuitively low-key like that . something that also helps him with this alot is the fact that he’s a time traveler in the first place. alot of things can be handwaved away by ppl with the fact that has “not from here” rather than because “he’s from that specific timeline” of that makes any sense.

sorry for the essay lol, i don’t have the clearest of answers to this because it’s something that can develop with certain plots, but these r my overall thoughts i guess :)

thanks for the question <33 and thank u for reading AAIT <333

[olly-olly-octopus]

Who is andrew minyard?

andrew joseph minyard is one of the main characters from a book trilogy called all for the game by nora sakavic, published in 2013-14 (these books are problematic and not very good in terms of formatting, plot holes, and realism and i don't recommend them but if you do read them CHECK A LIST OF TRIGGER WARNINGS). the books are about a fictional sport called exy and also the mafia which doesn't sound like it should go together but they do. andrew is a goalkeeper on the team the book is about, the psu foxes. he's five feet tall and blond and carries knives with him everywhere and he has horrific trust issues and is such an asshole honestly but he means the world to me. the way that his character development happens and the way that the books end gives such a strong message of hope for trauma survivors to heal and im obsessed with it. he's my fav character of all time because he's so incredibly complex and i need his therapist's notes so i can continue to dissect his brain. he comes across to other people as apathetic and cruel but he cares so much about the people close to him, and he'd genuinely do anything to protect them and i can't fault him for that. thank you for sending this ask and sorry that this ramble is nonsensical it's past 5am where i am and i haven't slept so my words are going through my head so fast 

EDIT: forgot to say this but please feel free to send me more specific asks about him or any other characters or literally anything about the books, they've been my special interest for about three years now and i love getting to introduce people to it and explain things

[world-cinema-research]

Week 3 Blog Post - Grant Montoya

Five Easy Pieces is a film directed by Bob Rafelson and released in the year 1970. Although it played a more obscure role in the era's many "New Hollywood" movies, it certainly contributed to the movement. It offered audiences a challenge in dissecting these dysfunctional characters in the everchanging Western society.

In this interview, the director tells us how scenes of this movie have certain ties with his real-life events, but one detail stuck out:

"I felt that the character that I was trying to write the movie about should be about a man who was condemned to search for the meaning of his life- and not a very happy search at that." - Bob Rafelson

Worldwide, Five Easy Pieces made $18,099,091 at the box office with its budget being $1,600,000. Four Oscar nominations and a bountiful profit make this movie a complete success.

According to Variety Magazine, "Bonnie and Clyde" (1967) as well as "Easy Rider" (1969) were the films of this era that allowed Rafelson to execute the laid-back style of "Five Easy Pieces", while the casting director Fred Roos needed this film as a dry run in order to produce the masterpieces that would be “Godfather I & II,” (“II” co-produced by Roos) and “Apocalypse Now” (Roos co-produced).

Roger Ebert, with a perfect rating of the film, said this:

"Five Easy Pieces" has the complexity, the nuance, the depth, of the best fiction. In involves us in these people, this time and place, and we care for them, even though they don't request our affection or applause. We remember Bobby and Rayette, because they are so completely themselves, so stuck, so needy, so brave in their loneliness." - Roger Ebert, 4/4

While I agree that the characters felt as if they weren't being played by anyone offscreen and their genuine nature was cool to see, there was still a dryness to the movie that make it undeserving of a rewatch. I resonate with the feelings of this RateYourMusic critic much more:

"Yes, it was made well and yes, it's an intelligent and artistically sound feature, but ultimately its subject--Bobby Duprea--is empty, so the film ends up feeling empty as well. Do we latch on to Bobby's obvious talent and smarts, or do we turn away from his heartless and cruel nature?" - atomicWedgie, 4/5

Bobby is motivated by fleeting temptations, knowing nothing more than to meet his current desires and hurt everyone he knows. this is a piece that puts this character into any perspective the audience desires, but in the end, we learn nothing new or significant.

To quote this source: "When President Richard Nixon ordered U.S. ground troops to invade Cambodia on April 28, 1970, he waited two days to announce on national television the Cambodian incursion had begun. With resentment already building in the country over the conflict in Vietnam, the incursion felt like a final straw."

What soon followed was the Kent State Massacre in late spring, riots on Wall Street, and economic stagflation. The unsure environment at the time- economically & politically- might have affected the temperaments of middle-class Americans (the most affected group.) Our character Bobby carries his grief openly, yet he never gives any indication of why he feels so tormented. Maybe it reflects the way that the middle class in the seventies was expected to suffer in silence.

The style of the movie is definitely on the more alienating side. Most interactions are through the character Bobby, whether that means the more exciting scenes where it's him chewing out his fiancé for trivial matters, or telling the waitress to "hold the chicken" between her knees. There are more baffling moments than humorous ones and more confusing actions than sensible ones. He treats his partner horribly because she is imprudent, annoying, and bubbly in the worst way possible- but he can't seem to get rid of her. There is almost always a feeling of pity and despair for Bobby, but never empathy. The way the film progresses is very unorthodox until Bobby and Reyette arrive at his parent's home, where some pieces start connecting.

Every intervention or attempt from Bobby to do anything feels aimless because there is no aim. Side characters make their appearances and leave while giving nothing of use to our character's journey to self-realization, and the ending leaves nothing as well, just ambiguity. Jack Nicholson was a star before this, and I believe this was Karen Black's debut feature. When weighing the unconventional features with the conventional ones, they are just about even.

Quote 1

Bobby: [finally talking with his paralyzed father]  "I don't know if you'd be particularly interested in hearing anything about me. My life, I mean... Most of it doesn't add up to much that I could relate as a way of life that you'd approve of."

This scene is near the end of the movie. During it, his father cannot speak and it feels more like a one-sided confessional. Robert had the opportunity to be a great pianist, but for whatever reason it didn't satisfy him and he feels like he failed his family. Perhaps this is a moment of meditation for the viewing audience, who can relate to the disillusionment in opportunity- to the even more painful judgment from family.

Quote 2

Rayette: "You love me, Bobby?"

Bobby: "What do you think?" [they kiss] 

There's nothing special about this quote but it does show the relationship Bobby has with Rayette. Bobby does what most manipulative men do but in a more brutal manner. Bobby being so upfront about his feelings towards his partner makes the male viewers the most uncomfortable because this truth that real men have- these urges to be controlling- is being projected constantly and perhaps makes men feel more self-aware.

Image 1 - 5 minutes before the credits roll, Bobby and Rayette stop at a gas station on the way back home. Bobby enters the bathroom, stares at himself for a couple minutes, hops in the lumber truck, and begins a new random journey to Alaska. The dreariness of this still is one that stuck out to me, it is one that portrays hopelessness.

Image 2 - One of the more exciting parts of the film where Bobby hops out of his car and acts manically before boarding a truck holding a piano (pictured left) and starts playing it, letting the truck carry him away into a city.

[paintingformike]

the layers behind mike’s monologue: an analysis

or how it was him saying what he thought el needed to hear from him, which was highly influenced by will’s description of el’s feelings that were secretly his own. it’s also influenced by mike’s own feelings of being needed and his difficulty of accepting change, specifically the changes in el and their relationship.

so i know a lot of people have come to the conclusion that mike’s monologue was full of lies, and i used to be one of those people too and believed it because i thought there was no other explanation on why it contradicted so many of his own words and actions in the show. but after finally seeing the connection between will’s confession in the van scene and mike’s monologue, and understanding mike’s character struggles, i’ve realized that he intended the monologue to be his honest feelings, but you’re not supposed to read it as a deep romantic declaration of love for the el he’s in a relationship with, it was just him trying to respond to the el that will described for him in the van, an el that seemingly still needed him. those aren’t his true feelings for the el that he should actually be seeing in real time: someone who has grown past needing him and has made an identity for herself.

also, i feel like i need to put out that i’m one of the people that believe mike did have feelings for el at some point (imo it was just puppy love though, he wasn’t fully IN LOVE with her but he did like her and felt genuine infatuation for her like a first crush situation) but it was only for the el that he was able to protect/take care of and once she changed and grew out of needing him, his feelings also changed. it’s something he struggled to accept or admit to el, which will be an important factor on why the monologue turned out the way it did.

keep in mind that this is my own interpretation of mike’s intentions in the monologue and for other people it might be more complex than this but i tried my best to be able to decipher the most reasonable explanation behind his words 🙏

so i’m going to start dissecting each line (or atleast the lines that hold some significance!)

“el, i don’t know if you can hear this but.. but if you can, i want you to know i’m here for you, okay? i’m right here and...i love you.”

right from the start we see mike trying to reassure el that he’s there for her, he’s trying to be the person that she needs. he’s trying to fulfill his role of being the heart, the knight in shining armor that can also be there to save el with his words of support. he’s responding to what will made him believe are el’s sentiments! and also because he finally thought he could be worth something, a leader and a protector, after a while of feeling otherwise because he feels unneeded and insecure when it comes to his role in people’s lives (which he directly felt from his relationship with el). though what he ended up doing/saying to her didn’t work because it’s not actually what el wants or needs, those sentiments were will’s and not hers, but this is the starting point of him trying to genuinely return what he thinks el deserves from him.

then we have him finally dropping the bomb...“i love you”. we know that it took el sobbing in front of him and begging him to just tell her that he loves her but that still wasn’t enough for mike to just give her the affirmation she wanted. he couldn’t because...he doesn’t actually love her, atleast not romantically. so why is he suddenly able to say it now, when he spent the entire season dwelling on this problem? well, right before that monologue, will reminded him of the conversation they had in the van. will planted this different version of el in his head, an el that will never stop needing him, the el that to him, hasn’t changed from that girl he met in the woods (aka the el he actually had feelings for). and since will never lies to him and mike tends to trust him by his word, mike decided to believe him despite his suspicions and despite seeing for himself that el doesn’t actually need him anymore. he decides to hold on to the little bit of hope will’s veiled confession gave him, because otherwise he’ll have to see the current el for who she really is, the el that has changed and grown into her own person and hasn’t needed him for a while, the el that he can’t love romantically, and once he admits that to her he believes she wouldn’t want to be in his life at all in any way aka he’ll lose her forever (he’s wrong!). the reason we still see him hesitating/bracing himself before talking is because he still had a nagging feeling that it didnt exactly feel right to be telling her he loves her, but in order to really get it out of his mouth he tries to imagine he’s talking to the el that will described to him. he had will’s words at the back of his mind (this is also why i think will was in the shot the entire time).

“el, do you hear me? i love you. i’m sorry i don’t say it more. i.. it’s not because i’m scared of you. i’m not. i’ve never felt that way. never. ”

ok....arguably this may be a part where he actually lied, because we know for a fact that he has been scared of her at certain parts of the show. he was likely actually scared when he saw her hit angela with a skate, because when el confronted him about it, he was stuttering and couldn’t look her in the eyes (i also heard him stutter a bit when he says “i-im not” in the monologue). he was scared of her at times in season 1, like when he saw el throw off lucas with her powers. still, i think he was trying to convince himself here that those weren’t feelings of fear, that he was just really surprised with how she acted, but we know that’s not true. and mike was likely trying to reassure el because he thought el needed to hear that from him, especially with will telling him in the van about el feeling “different”, he probably associated it with el telling him she feels like she doesn’t belong because of her powers, that she’s a monster for it. however, el didn’t believe him because she did actually witness him being scared of her in real time, which is why the thunder cues are quite intense here. this doesn’t mean mike sees el as a monster or anything, just that there were times he was caught off guard by el’s actions and felt scared.

“but i am scared that one day you’ll realize you don’t need me anymore. and i thought if i said how i felt it would somehow make that day...hurt more. but the truth is, el, i don’t know how to live without you.”

mike is being honest when he says he’s scared that el won’t need him anymore. that’s his primary fear as someone who wants to have a protector/caretaker kind of role and he thinks that if el doesn’t actually need him then he’ll lose her from his life (which doesn’t prove that he’s in love with her, just that he wants her to keep needing him the same way she used to when they were younger). when he says “i dont know how to live without you” he means it in a way that actually says “i’m terrified that you’ll stop needing me because i feel like i wouldn’t have you in my life any other way anymore/if we break up it might strain our relationship to a point of no return and i wouldn’t be able to have you in my life even as a friend”. the one line im still confused about is “and i thought if i said how i felt it would somehow make that day...hurt more” (i might go back and edit this if i’ve figured it out)

“i feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods. you were wearing that yellow benny’s burgers t-shirt. and it was so big, it almost swallowed you whole. and i knew right then and there, in that moment, that i loved you. and i’ve loved you every day since.”

people always say that mike intentionally lied here because yeah, it’s pretty clear it wasn’t love at first sight if you actually watch season 1 for yourself. he wanted to send her to an asylum and only really decided to keep her around once he found out she recognizes will. but i think this aspect of his words shouldn’t be what we should be focusing on. the writers just put it there to establish that they’re a doomed relationship that isn’t meant to last. what we should be focusing on is the fact that he keeps going back to the time they met, when they were young and when el was just a scared girl who managed to escape a lab she was being experimented on her whole life. the memory he recalls was at a time when el actually needed him. she needed him to provide shelter for her and take care of her, to teach her new things about the outside world. she fulfilled his underlying desire to be needed and she was the el that he developed feelings for (though i dont think they were that deep). maybe this is also why he said his life started at that time, not actually intending it to have romantic undertones, because her needing him at that time made him feel like he was worth something (a protector and a leader in a mission to save their missing friend and not just some *random nerd*). but the thing is, he isn’t talking to this el anymore. el has long since outgrown the childlike phase of their relationship and has learned to become her own person, has been doing things on her own since forever and hasn’t needed him since. she wanted mike to love her for who she is now, to be more serious in their relationship, but he can’t because his feelings for her haven’t actually grown or developed at all from when they were younger and keeps clinging to the old dynamic of their relationship, and he simply couldn’t love her romantically once she changed and the dynamic of their relationship shifted. so yeah, these lines from the monologue came from mike’s honest feelings of still being attached to that younger el (which isnt actually true romantic love), just worded really poorly because he was saying anything that came to mind at that point.

“i love you on your good days. i love you on your bad days.”

ok so i’ve been thinking about this line for a while and how people have pointed out that this is a lie, because we do see mike showing signs of not loving el on her ��bad days” in the show (his behavior towards her after the roller-rink accident, for one). but actually...this line might be a response to a specific thing will said to him in the van about el’s feelings. remember when will says this?

“if she was mean to you or -- or she seemed like she was pushing you away -- it’s probably just because she was scared of losing you, just as you’re scared of losing her.”

now, i know people have said this is 100% specific to will because from what we’ve been shown in the season, el wasn’t pushing mike away and she was constantly sending letters to him while they were apart whereas it’s the opposite for will where he actually didn’t reach out as much (because of his feelings). but what if...what if i told you mike interpreted this line differently in a way that applies to el in his head? what if he actually thought of a specific day el was being mean to him and pushing him away? and that time could’ve been during the aftermath of their fight in el’s room? just remember how that day went. mike and el were fighting. el was then taken away by the cops and she glared at him from the window of the car, showing no signs of wanting him to go after her. to mike, this might have been the one time el was being mean to him and pushing him away. especially since he has expressed to will that “maybe if i said that thing, eleven would’ve taken me with her” meaning he believed that in better circumstances, el wouldn’t have been pushing him away at that time. later in the show, we find out that mike saw in el’s eyes, during the last time they talked, that she didn’t need him anymore. the last time they talked at that point was after their fight, el being taken by the cops and her looking resigned and done with him. then we get will reassuring him that if she was pushing him away, she was probably just scared of losing him. in my opinion, mike connected the dots then thought...“wait, maybe el didn’t appreciate me going after her or didn’t take me with her because she was concerned about me? because it was dangerous and she might’ve lost me, someone she needed?” and i know that at that point mike literally saw in her eyes that she didn’t need him anymore but the thing is, will tried to convince him otherwise. will provided him with another alternative or explanation for her demeanor at that time. and if that means it would relieve his fear that el has stopped needing him, then he’ll choose to believe will’s words (even if deep down, mike was actually right and el was realizing she didn’t need him anymore).

now, how does this all go back to mike saying he loved el even on her bad days? well, it’s safe to assume that said bad day could be the day of their fight and el leaving his side, and when will provided him with a possible explanation for her demeanor that day, he tried telling her that he understands. that he understands why she acted the way she did when she shut him out, it was a bad day for her and he tried reassuring her that he still loves her despite that happening. keep in mind though that he said all this while he was led to talk to an el that still needed him, an el that came entirely from will’s van speech, the el that was seemingly just scared of losing him that’s why she was pushing him away. so although mike’s words were meant to be genuine on his side, he was still just saying he loves the el that will described for him (not the real el, who mike was actually right about understanding that she was realizing she didn’t need him anymore).

“i love you with your powers. i love you without your powers. i love you for exactly who you are. you’re my superhero and i can’t lose you, okay? do you hear me? i can’t lose you. you can do anything. you can fly, you can move mountains. i believe that, i really do but right now you just have to fight. el, do you hear me? you need to fight. you have to fight. fight. fight! that’s it, el. fight, el. fight. fight.”

at this point, mike goes on and on about el’s powers and abilities and once again, calls her his “superhero”. now, why did he end up doing this? it’s because yet again, he was influenced by will’s confession to him in the van. i want you to remember what will told him:

“she’s so different from other people. and when you’re different, you feel like a mistake.”

technically, the feeling of being different applies to both will and el. they’ve both felt excluded/discriminated for these identities and that having them was a curse. but here is where they diverge in terms of how they deal with it in relation to mike:

will: i’ve embraced being different and i feel like it made me a better person thanks to you.

el: i hate the idea of being different nor do i want you to treat me like im so special for it, because i’m just a simple person more than anything.

will has come to make the feeling of being different a positive thing for him. just mike existing in his life made him accept being gay as an integral part of himself. but el has made it clear that being different did not make her feel better. she didnt want to be seen as this unique case, a girl who has powers and bears the responsibility of saving the world. she doesnt want it to be the thing integral to her character. the distinction is simply that will accepts being different, while el rejects being different.

so when will says “but you make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all. like she’s better for being different. and that gives her the courage to fight on”, mike understood from him that if he emphasizes to el how special she is and how her powers actually make her a better person (a superhero) and not the mistake she thinks she is, she’ll gather the strength from his words of “encouragement” and be able to continue fighting. which is exactly what he does in the monologue. he tells her that she can do anything, that she can fly and move mountains, that she’s his superhero. that she has to fight. he quite literally based all of this off of will’s words to him. and this is why the monologue falls flat and fails. because what mike believed el needed to hear from him actually contradicts what she always wanted. she doesnt want him to see her as someone different. she doesn’t actually feel valued or special when he sees her as a superhero. she wants him to love her as just a simple girl.

so even though will had good intentions and simply prioritized the love of his life’s happiness thinking that his veiled love confession to mike would help him fix his relationship with el, it ended up inadvertently making mike say the opposite of what el actually wanted from him. the more will tried to push mike away from himself and towards el, the more it doomed their relationship, simply because will was putting feelings on el that weren’t actually hers, but his own.

with all of this said, it’s safe to say that will’s feelings disguised as el’s, which were mostly not the truth of how el actually felt, was what mike used as a reference for his monologue to her, because will reassured mike about his insecurities and doubts perfectly, and made him believe that:

el still needed him (contradicts el’s true feelings because she’s changed and hasn’t relied on him since)

el felt better about being different thanks to him (contradicts el’s true feelings because she doesn’t actually want to be seen as different)

so when mike received will’s words, even though some things didn’t quite add up, he wanted to believe in his best friend who never lies to him, and tried responding to those feelings in the monologue:

“oh, so el actually still needs me the same way she always did when she was that girl i met in the woods. maybe i should remind her of that day just to solidify how she hasn’t changed at all from that girl who i came to really love. and she loves when i treat her so special that it made her feel better for being different. maybe i was right for calling her a superhero. maybe i should keep telling her how cool she is, how she can do anything with all those abilities she has compared to the average person. because it makes her feel valued and gives her the strength to fight.”

this led to el not actually feeling loved from the words that mike was trying to put out, which explains why she looked more in despair while mike was talking. she didn’t feel that he was being genuine enough even though his intention was to be mostly honest about his feelings, because he was actually talking to this mold of a girl that she wasn’t. he was led to respond to an el that will carefully crafted for him. what the entire monologue did was signify and expose how he didnt have true romantic feelings for the real el at that moment. and like a lot of people have said, in a way, he was just responding to will’s feelings.

in conclusion, the monologue was rooted in mike’s fear of change and his desire to keep being needed, will trying to prove his fears and insecurities wrong and convincing mike that he can still fix his relationship with el and maintain their old, seemingly unchanged dynamic, but doing so under lies that don’t actually match up with el’s true feelings, leading to a sincere but failed attempt of a monologue.

(although with the way s4 ended, maybe mike was already in that stage of accepting the changes, since he lets el be and doesn’t try to reach out to her even though she was clearly showing signs of not needing him, not seeking comfort from him at a time where she would have. he was beginning to accept that she really has grown and changed from the el that needed him, that their relationship can’t ever go back to the way it was when he could still feel *that* kind of affection for her, and that he can’t romantically love this new el as his feelings for her have changed since then.)

[vethbrenatto]

What is your opinion on this discourse/discussion on how Sam is playing FCG? Some of the talks I have seen just seems like they just don’t like Sam and want an excuse to shit on him. And some have actual valid criticism.

I'll give this a go, but just prefacing that I'm sure I haven't seen all the discussions, so I can only comment on what I've happened to scroll past. If you have something specifically you'd want me to touch on, let me know, but my here's my general response:

As I've mentioned, I'm not particularly drawn to FCG as a character in comparison to other characters Sam has played, at least so far, but I have still genuinely enjoyed FCG.

I've seen some dissection of mechanics and its intersection with roleplay and I responded a bit to that here. I've also seen doubt that Sam can play a good healer, which I think is premature to say. I have full faith in Sam to play a healer just as good as anyone else in the cast could. I don't think Sam is some sort of D&D god that is The Best Strategist and Player in the cast, but I think he understands the game and plays it well and always has some really fun, gagworthy moments playing it, like Veth's Phantasmal Force in the Lucien+Tombtakers Battle. Particularly, I think he excels in spellcasting and using spells at the right time.

And look, I'd say I'm a lot like Sam in my level of D&D knowledge. He seems like the type of person who learns via experience and observation- that is, he knows a good deal about classes he's played and he's watched his friends play, but probably hasn't read the PHB front to back (and I doubt he's the only one, I'd be surprised if Ashley had, and then on the other hand, I'm positive Liam has.). And I'm the same! I'm not an encyclopedia for D&D spells, classes, and races- I know what I've played and what I've watched others play and I don't think you need to be a walking encyclopedia of D&D knowledge to play the game well. So, I have faith in Sam to play cleric just as well as anyone else.

The major discussion I've seen, though, isn't actually a new one to CR, it's just new to FCG. And that is: The conceit of a character who fancies themselves a therapist. I get why that's polarizing. If not being professionally treated, people in everyday contexts by their friends, generally should not be therapized. But there's the rub- the highly negative critiques fail to take into account player intention.

As I said, this isn't new! In fact, this is ridiculously similar to the main critique people had with Caduceus's character- that he therapized his friends and thought he knew better than them. I'm not sure if Taliesin ever commented on this as I didn't watch Talks regularly until late, late campaign, but my guess from watching Taliesin as a player is that it was intentional. That that was an intentional character flaw that Caduceus had- an inherent superiority complex where he thought he knew the psyches of his friends better than they did. Taliesin weaves complex characters, and Caduceus was similarly complex. He wasn't a two-dimensional tea-drinking hippie.

Now, Caduceus frustrated people at times because of this. But I think he was meant to? The same way any character has character flaws. Keyleth's rigid morality, Vex's greed, Percy's also-superior-but-different superiority complex, Caleb's guilt- I could go on. And it's the same with FCG, and I'd argue, more clearly than Caduceus that this is a character flaw. FCG is a non-human character trying to understand human emotion with a core function to "help others" and they think they can reach that goal by therapizing them- therapy, which will in theory, ease their souls, will bring people to a "happy" state they should be in, in FCG's mind. They’re copy-paste recommending strategies out of a psychology textbooks. I don't think it's supposed to be good therapy and I don't think Sam (or Taliesin, back when Caduceus was doing it) is endorsing the behavior as "good." I think it's a character flaw, an intentional flaw.

So, then it comes down to being uncomfortable with the concept of using therapizing friends as a character flaw. And if that makes you uncomfortable, that's completely valid. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, personally, Critical Role has always played through vast arrays of theming containing heavy content at times. C2 has deep dives into mental health and trauma with certain characters. If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, FCG's narrative simply may not be for you. That doesn't make it wrong, though.

Overall, I haven't seen anything outright shitting on Sam, at least pertaining to FCG. I do weirdly get a non-zero amount of tags on some of my gifsets some times that feel the need to preface "I don't like Sam, but..." which. Maybe just don't do that, guys. I think there are certainly people who don't like his playstyle, and you know what, that's just the way it is. Playstyles can be polarizing. Liam, who is one of my favorite cast members and plays one of my favorite CR characters ever (Caleb) has certain roleplay quirks that make me want to tear my hair out.

I personally don't feel the need to document in posts the specifics of player things that I don't like, I'd much rather comment on the things I do, but that's a personal preference. If people want to use their blogs to say why can't stand that Player X roleplays like Y, they're in their right to do so and as long as they're tagging properly, they're not bothering me, so that's just the way of the wind.

Despite not having seen posts like you seem to be referencing, I do totally understand what you mean, anon. So much so that I went on about it for too long and it really became tangential to FCG, so I’m putting that rant under the cut if anyone wants to read it.***

Like I said, if there's something in specific you'd want me to discuss, lmk in my inbox, but those are the two main critiques I've seen with FCG: the core conceipt of the character and Sam as a mechanical player.

***I think in general that phenomenon of “wanting an excuse” comes down to people being extremely reluctant to just dislike things.

Relating it back to the concept of ship wars, we often get this dynamic of a person liking Ship A, and because they like Ship A, not caring for Ship B. And what started as I like Ship A because they’re cute and I like the dynamic for XYZ reasons, whereas I don’t like ship B for HJK reasons turns weirdly moral into I am right to like Ship A, and you are wrong to like Ship B, because actually Ship A is morally or ethically superior to Ship B. People stop wanting to relate it to personal preference and turn it into right and wrong.

I think this is sort of a toned down version of that in terms of player styles. It stops being (using fake names) “I like Jeffrey because I prefer dramatic roleplay styles and Jeffrey excels in that” and “I don’t like Corey because Corey tends toward a comedic roleplay styles and I feel that offputs the dramatic tension of the story” and instead becomes “I am right that Jeffrey is a better/good player because...” and “Corey is a bad player because...” which tends just not to be true unless Corey is doing something D&D egregious like shouting over all his fellow RP-ers or refusing to follow the narrative set up by the DM at all. 

And I’ve seen those types of comments with a variety of the CR cast, but probably most frequently with Marisha, Liam, and Sam. People just feel extremely uncomfortable expressing dislike without qualification, justification, or being validated by others about their dislike. 

This is very much not limited to actual plays, this is a tumblr-wide phenomenon I have noticed and commented on for years. One of my favorite ever posts for this fandom in particular (and I can’t remember who made it) was someone responding to an ask about whether they liked Dimension 20 and they just said, essentially, it’s too jokey for my tastes and I find it too short to get invested (aka they prefer epics, like CR). And that was it. No “Dimension 20 is bad because��� or more likely to be seen, “Critical Role is better because...” but just. Here’s a thing that is not for me, and it doesn’t align with my tastes. I prefer Thing B because it aligns with my tastes. The End. 

[hutchhitched]

My thoughts on Monday under the cut…

I spent a week in Greece almost 15 years ago, and I loved it. This movie makes me what to go back. I wasn’t sure if I’d get to see it in theaters because the two main chains I go to weren’t carrying it. Thankfully, one of the “premium” theaters in Houston has it, and a friend and I went to the first showing earlier today at 7:00 pm. Masked the entire time and completely isolated from others in a pod with recliners. It was delightful (and pricey). Seeing Sebastian Stan on the big screen in this movie was worth every penny.

 Before I dissect the movie, it has to be said. Sebastian Stan is gorgeous, and this movie showcases that in every shot of him. There are closeups and a lot of skin and scruff and charm and smiles that are beautifully shot. So. Much. Pretty.

 Speaking of pretty—the cinematography. Chef’s kiss. Gorgeous blue skies and blue sea. It looks exactly like I remember. Beautiful. Also, lots of ouzo. Chloe’s shudder when she does a shot is so relatable. That stuff is disgusting, and, man, it burns all the way down.

 The movie itself is solid. The story centers around a relationship that mimics a train wreck (and the soundtrack does, too)—fascinating, speedy, and gripping. I shook my head many, many, many times. So many choices made that just weren’t good ideas. The thing is that pretty much all of them were understandable for these characters. I kept thinking over and over, “bless their hearts.”

 Yes, there is a lot of nudity. Yes, there is (very brief) full frontal. I did not find it distracting or out of place. There’s also a lot of sex. For the most part, those scenes were organic and made sense. Only one was a little bit surprising. That blue couch… Major side eye.

 Mickey ended up with a twist I didn’t know was coming, and that helped humanize him as more than a frat boy with Peter Pan syndrome. He’s charming and manipulative and loving and jealous and insecure. I know men like him, and some of my friends are married to them. They are wonderful people, and I could never live with any of them (not that I would live with a friend’s husband, but you know what I mean). The ending shot of him is so full of hope and sweetness and tenderness, and I was mad because I knew it was the end of the movie. I wanted to see where that went, and now I’ll only be able to imagine it. People who don’t like open endings will hate this one, but I thought it was completely apropos for Monday. Sebastian plays Mickey will all the nuance and charm and insecurity I expected. He does wounded so well. He does chaotic even better.

 Denise Gough is a fantastic actor. Chloe, her character, was an enigma to me. She’s supposed to be the serious, responsible one that tempers Mickey’s wild side, but the two times when things go off the rails, she’s the instigator. I find those choices fascinating and completely understandable for someone who’s been holding things together and really desperately wants to cut loose. Unfortunately, when she does that with Mickey, it’s bad, bad, bad, bad.

 MAJOR SPOILERS

 Mickey’s got a six-year-old son, and the only way the mother will let him see his kid is if he and Chloe are physically together and in a committed relationship. Because Chloe knows that, she’s trapped. If she leaves, Mickey loses visitation rights with his son. If she stays, she might implode. Together, the two are both wonderful and absolutely terrible for each other.

 Chloe gets pregnant and has an abortion without telling Mickey. I assume it was his, but it could have been Chloe’s ex-boyfriend’s. It’s not that easy to figure out how much time has passed, but it’s at least a few months for the entire movie. When she tells Mickey and he isn’t upset, she’s furious, but they’re interrupted and end up running back to Mickey’s motorcycle. He seems ready to drive them home, but Chloe wants to go to the beach—naked on a motorcycle. It’s a really bad plan. They’re high and drunk. Mickey hesitates and then agrees. All hell breaks loose, which leads to Monday—the reality of their messed up but very real relationship.

 Mickey interrupts the entertainment at a wedding to drunkenly ask Chloe to marry him. He’s just been confronted by his friend about ruining everything good in his life and not to do it. He’s jealous of Chloe’s ex, who happens to also be at the wedding. He’s scared to death of messing things up, so of course he does exactly that. It’s cringe-worthy, and I watched it through my fingers due to secondhand embarrassment. There’s a shot when Mickey’s looking in a mirror, and we can see all the pain and hurt and fear in him. It was like seeing Bucky in Greece.

 Why is Chloe’s ex-boyfriend so awful? We don’t know, but it’s clear it was a bad breakup, which makes her rebound with Mickey understandable. The problem is that both of them ended up falling in love, and now they can’t figure out how to fix it. I hope they do. I really do, because the affection and love and chemistry they have is beautiful when they’re open and honest and authentic with each other.

 Mickey’s ex-bandmate…I don’t even know what to say about her. She’s a nightmare. And Chloe’s friend Stephanie needs to a major attitude adjustment. Baby Mama (I don’t remember her name) is super angry. These three characters are just wow.

 There are some gaps. There’s not a complex plot, but this movie puts the relationship of two flawed but genuinely good-hearted people at the forefront and asks us to cheer for them when they aren’t easy to cheer for. In short, Monday is a movie that anyone who’s been in love can understand if they’ve ever been absolutely terrified to lose the person they love. The desperation to hold onto something good is painful to watch, but it’s a gorgeous journey. 

[yanderenightmare]

any tips in writing a yandere midoriya? i’m currently writing this book — and honestly the way you write midoriya is spot on! it’s hard for me to grasp characters, especially since they’re gonna be tweaked since they’re yandere. it’s not only midoriya that’s a yandere, it’s poly, so how do you think he would go about sharing his darling as well?

How to write yandere ! Midoriya Izuku

First: let’s look at the basics, as in key personality traits.

Midoriya is seemingly two things personality wise: he is optimistic and passionate. These two things however are strictly based a certain mindset, certain emotions, emotions that are highly volatile, as in changeable. What we can take from him being optimistic and passionate, is that he is calculating, observant, diligent and tireless. These traits, as opposed to the emotional traits, lack needing to be fueled by certain emotions such as happiness, and will therefore survive no matter his emotional state, which in turn makes them his key personality traits. Viewed in other ways: these are his key personality traits because they are unshakable as opposed to his awkwardness, anxiety and self-doubt, which are also things he can overcome, (things he has overcome in my take of him). All in all, no matter his emotional state, he will always remain calculating, observant, diligent and tireless.

-

Now: having these traits calls for different abilities, a.i. they add up and award him with certain titles. Titles such as Hero, Genius...��God.

Being a genius, where his experience as one of the most revered people in the world has led to many opportunities in dissecting and analyzing all his peers, meaning he has a great understanding of the human psyche, which in turn distances himself from them and makes him feel above them. Because, despite being superior, he is still human and still vulnerable to all human faults, and when humans are worshipped, they will think they are God, forgetting their purpose in the light of glory, forgetting that he is a Hero for the people, of the people, by the people and beginning to believe he’s above the law, (which eventually leads to him justifying kidnapping for his pleasure). He genuinely believes no other human can achieve his level of strength and smarts. And having a God complex as well as being psychopathic-smart, will lead to the bending and eventually breaking of morals, where he can excuse his depravity with it being conscious and not mindless, he can excuse it for being for the greater good, something above regular human understanding. Thinking that: because he’s aware of it being wrong, that it is somehow allowed, somehow less dangerous and justified. Completely blinded by his own sense of superiority, never once seeing just how dangerous his feelings of being above the law can become, (definitely not seeing it when eventually regarding his darling).

Secondly: we have to take a look at how Midoriya views love.

Because Midoriya is such an intelligent person who knows the natural laws and works behind love, knowing how it’s simply a chemical reaction made to make animals breed with nothing supernatural or mystical or heavenly about it, he’ll naturally have a very unromantic and practical approach to finding a partner. He’ll want to resist falling prey to dependence.

But, even he cannot fight the vicious bite of loneliness. Finding a perfect someone after so many years of resisting and ignoring and denying those primal urges obviously gets to him in the end, where finding his darling feels almost like godsend. Which was exactly what he was trying to avoid falling prey to, where he was aiming to rise above regular human needs, regular human beliefs regarding love: a concept he had no faith in, a concept he didn't want to have any faith in, but fell for anyway.

However, while beholding his darling as something precious, his own God complex gets in the way of viewing her as his equal, where she’ll often feel as though he doesn’t even view her as human, more like a pet or even a plant, not something to communicate with, but something that should sit still and look pretty, something to maintain and admire, not intelligent like him. 

But, there are different types of smarts in the world. Whereas Izuku has practical, social and analytical intelligence, he’s more or less let go or forgotten about true emotional intelligence. Which is something that will surprise him about his darling, or something that will surprise him about himself, how much he enjoys her presence, her humanity, her basic straightforward moralistic compassion, her need for contact, things he’s long ago forgotten, things he’s only now realizing that he’s missed dearly. At first he believes he’s simply entertained by her, but then he realizes he quite admires her, envies her even, because she’s innocent enough to feel things that he no longer can.

Thirdly: we have his yandere characteristics: sadistic, obsessive, possessive.

-Sadism (groundwork)

It is simply my belief that all yanderes have an inch of sadism dwelling inside them, because I find it hard to digest that any other human without such desires would enjoy controlling another human being. However, the amount of sadism inside may vary drastically.

Midoriya’s sadistic tendencies lies dormant, yet can come out at any given moment, making him rather radical, as in unstable or unpredictable. Though, not like an animal is unpredictable, as he will never act without finesse, he will never act without having complete control over the situation, including himself. We have to remember that Izuku takes great pleasure in knowing how he can rise above impulses. His sadism is more like a hunger that arises every now and again, where which Izuku realizes he is hungry, followed by Izuku luring and trapping his food then playing with his food and finally eating his food. Executed with finesse.

-Obsessive (one side of the coin)

Obsessiveness in general: is not just about laying worship, not just about adoring someone so much that it hurts, it’s about needing someone, needing someone so much that it outweighs and overcomes all obstacles that stand in his way to achieve having them

Obsessiveness in Midoriya: is slightly delusional, where which it tells him that him and his darling belongs together, where he’s optimistic that time will eventually gift him with her love in return. This is his softer side, his more lenient side, his understanding side, his tolerant side. And despite it being slightly delusional, this is actually his more logical side as well, where he’ll bare patient understanding that it’ll take time for her to reform herself, where he takes her emotional status into mind.

-Possessive (the other side of the coin)

Possessiveness in general: is not only about ownership, not only about restrictions, it’s about fear, it’s about reassurance, it’s about finding security in knowing that he and only he will ever have the liberty of having his darling, where he finds an inane amount of uneasiness in thinking she wasn’t always his, needing to find a way to make him forget that disgusting thought by having her belong to him in every single possible way.

Possessiveness in Midoriya: is slightly denialistic and protective, where it tells him that she belongs to him, no exceptions, no room to misunderstand, where what she feels doesn’t really matter because he loves her, he’s chosen her, and she’s simply not allowed to love anybody else, where any refusal will be corrected, will be proven futile.

Fourthly: what is Midoriya’s attitude towards his darling:

Here we add up everything we’ve just considered!

His intelligence calls for a type of deserved arrogance, a vain imagery of himself, making him a narcissist, which again makes him prone to dumbification when approaching his darling, manipulative suggestive language constantly making her feel like her rightful place is beneath him. This can be done in many ways, more so than degrading verbal comments. In visual effects: he can dress her up in innocent clothing just oozing with childlike naivety, braid her hair, decorate her with pastel bows all making her look like a sweet harmless little thing, but more importantly making her feel like a sweet harmless little thing. He can also act out degradation: through head-pats, carrying her places, bathing her. One can even take it so far as infantilization.

Obviously, the creation of rules and laws will build, also the product of his degrading nature, where the list of things his darling can and can't do or should or must do will grow longer over time as he finds that he quite enjoys having this type of control. I believe Izuku is quite lenient but has a breaking point. He won’t enjoy punishing his darling for every single little indiscretion she dares make, believing that this is both time consuming and a waste. His method is to wait until his darling has made a certain amount of faults, her mistakes topping each other like building blocks until the tower eventually tumbles, where which he will deliver a rather large punishment meant to correct her attitude once and for all, or at least until the tower topples again.

He’ll constantly be making a case of how much smarter and stronger he is than her, not in an aggressive way, but in a demeaning, patronizing way, often accompanied by him smiling a chiding smile that looks sweet yet when accompanied by his threatening eyes just look like teeth. Exercising dominance will become like a drug to him, where I’d say he’ll develop both a daddy-kink and a size-kink. His daddy-kink calling for patronizing behavior, teaching her manners and posture and punishing her when she refrains from doing what daddy tells her. And, his size-kink evokes the love to measure everything of his up against everything of hers, often comparing her soft petite precious hands to his deadly scarred ones, how she has no chance of pushing him away whereas he’ll have no problems in crushing her skull if he so wished.

Then of course, his feelings of entitlement call for him taking giant liberties when he’s craving she give him something she’d rather keep to herself. These entitlement feelings coming to fruition through his status as the world number one hero, his morals disappearing in those seconds he manages to twist his view of his darling as her own person into seeing her as his reward, as the world’s way of saying thank you, made simply to please him and having no purpose outside of him.

But, his idealization of his darling encourages him to pamper her, or at least in a way that he views as pampering. He’ll often ask her if there’s anything that she may want, either it be a wish for activity such as art supplies or reading material, or accessories such as jewelry, lingerie, cute little dresses. And when she never asks for anything he wants her to ask for, when her response is always a demand that he let her go, he’ll give her something anyway, something she’ll cry so preciously for to make him stop.

Obviously, I have expanded my view of him here, but I believe the key attitude he’ll carry towards his darling is simply being sweetly degrading, demeaning and patronizing.

Fifthly: how would he go about sharing?

In order for him to feel comfortable enough to share his darling with someone, they have to be someone he respects, someone he can almost look at as an equal or someone he looks up to and idolizes.

In other words: Midoriya will have to love his yandere partner in some form or way to share his beloved darling with them, either it be through mentioned respect, or through loyalty, where platonic or fluid friendship could also be a possibility.

Here are some examples I see being possible poly relationships:

MIDORIYA - ALL MIGHT - relationship based on idolization MIDORIYA - BAKUGO - relationship based on equality/respect MIDORIYA - SHINSO - relationship based on admiration/respect MIDORIYA - “FAN or FREIND” - relationship based on loyalty/trust MIDORIYA - URUAKA/TENYA - relationship based on friendship

I don't see sharing being much of a problem, unless the darling picks favorites. But, because Midoriya is likely much softer than the other yandere, I’m presuming, the favorite will probably be him and not his partner. In that case, he might really like having a parter to compete with! He’ll enjoy how she’ll resort to pleading with and appealing to his soft nature as opposed to the other yandere. He’ll probably love that sort of attention. 

I also think Midoriya will like cornering his darling with the help of his partner, trapping her together. I can definitely see him love playing good cop/bad cop. Perhaps even sharing the daddy-kink. Dynamics like Daddy/Master/”DARLING” or Sir/Boss/”DARLING”.

Also, I think he’ll love gossiping about their darling with each other behind her back, talking about how cute she is when she does this or that, how lovely she looks in that specific dress, how well-behaved she’s gotten, and all sorts of stuff, kind of like parents talking about their child.