#laya’s monologue analysis

[paintingformike]

the layers behind mike’s monologue: an analysis

or how it was him saying what he thought el needed to hear from him, which was highly influenced by will’s description of el’s feelings that were secretly his own. it’s also influenced by mike’s own feelings of being needed and his difficulty of accepting change, specifically the changes in el and their relationship.

so i know a lot of people have come to the conclusion that mike’s monologue was full of lies, and i used to be one of those people too and believed it because i thought there was no other explanation on why it contradicted so many of his own words and actions in the show. but after finally seeing the connection between will’s confession in the van scene and mike’s monologue, and understanding mike’s character struggles, i’ve realized that he intended the monologue to be his honest feelings, but you’re not supposed to read it as a deep romantic declaration of love for the el he’s in a relationship with, it was just him trying to respond to the el that will described for him in the van, an el that seemingly still needed him. those aren’t his true feelings for the el that he should actually be seeing in real time: someone who has grown past needing him and has made an identity for herself.

also, i feel like i need to put out that i’m one of the people that believe mike did have feelings for el at some point (imo it was just puppy love though, he wasn’t fully IN LOVE with her but he did like her and felt genuine infatuation for her like a first crush situation) but it was only for the el that he was able to protect/take care of and once she changed and grew out of needing him, his feelings also changed. it’s something he struggled to accept or admit to el, which will be an important factor on why the monologue turned out the way it did.

keep in mind that this is my own interpretation of mike’s intentions in the monologue and for other people it might be more complex than this but i tried my best to be able to decipher the most reasonable explanation behind his words 🙏

so i’m going to start dissecting each line (or atleast the lines that hold some significance!)

“el, i don’t know if you can hear this but.. but if you can, i want you to know i’m here for you, okay? i’m right here and...i love you.”

right from the start we see mike trying to reassure el that he’s there for her, he’s trying to be the person that she needs. he’s trying to fulfill his role of being the heart, the knight in shining armor that can also be there to save el with his words of support. he’s responding to what will made him believe are el’s sentiments! and also because he finally thought he could be worth something, a leader and a protector, after a while of feeling otherwise because he feels unneeded and insecure when it comes to his role in people’s lives (which he directly felt from his relationship with el). though what he ended up doing/saying to her didn’t work because it’s not actually what el wants or needs, those sentiments were will’s and not hers, but this is the starting point of him trying to genuinely return what he thinks el deserves from him.

then we have him finally dropping the bomb...“i love you”. we know that it took el sobbing in front of him and begging him to just tell her that he loves her but that still wasn’t enough for mike to just give her the affirmation she wanted. he couldn’t because...he doesn’t actually love her, atleast not romantically. so why is he suddenly able to say it now, when he spent the entire season dwelling on this problem? well, right before that monologue, will reminded him of the conversation they had in the van. will planted this different version of el in his head, an el that will never stop needing him, the el that to him, hasn’t changed from that girl he met in the woods (aka the el he actually had feelings for). and since will never lies to him and mike tends to trust him by his word, mike decided to believe him despite his suspicions and despite seeing for himself that el doesn’t actually need him anymore. he decides to hold on to the little bit of hope will’s veiled confession gave him, because otherwise he’ll have to see the current el for who she really is, the el that has changed and grown into her own person and hasn’t needed him for a while, the el that he can’t love romantically, and once he admits that to her he believes she wouldn’t want to be in his life at all in any way aka he’ll lose her forever (he’s wrong!). the reason we still see him hesitating/bracing himself before talking is because he still had a nagging feeling that it didnt exactly feel right to be telling her he loves her, but in order to really get it out of his mouth he tries to imagine he’s talking to the el that will described to him. he had will’s words at the back of his mind (this is also why i think will was in the shot the entire time).

“el, do you hear me? i love you. i’m sorry i don’t say it more. i.. it’s not because i’m scared of you. i’m not. i’ve never felt that way. never. ”

ok....arguably this may be a part where he actually lied, because we know for a fact that he has been scared of her at certain parts of the show. he was likely actually scared when he saw her hit angela with a skate, because when el confronted him about it, he was stuttering and couldn’t look her in the eyes (i also heard him stutter a bit when he says “i-im not” in the monologue). he was scared of her at times in season 1, like when he saw el throw off lucas with her powers. still, i think he was trying to convince himself here that those weren’t feelings of fear, that he was just really surprised with how she acted, but we know that’s not true. and mike was likely trying to reassure el because he thought el needed to hear that from him, especially with will telling him in the van about el feeling “different”, he probably associated it with el telling him she feels like she doesn’t belong because of her powers, that she’s a monster for it. however, el didn’t believe him because she did actually witness him being scared of her in real time, which is why the thunder cues are quite intense here. this doesn’t mean mike sees el as a monster or anything, just that there were times he was caught off guard by el’s actions and felt scared.

“but i am scared that one day you’ll realize you don’t need me anymore. and i thought if i said how i felt it would somehow make that day...hurt more. but the truth is, el, i don’t know how to live without you.”

mike is being honest when he says he’s scared that el won’t need him anymore. that’s his primary fear as someone who wants to have a protector/caretaker kind of role and he thinks that if el doesn’t actually need him then he’ll lose her from his life (which doesn’t prove that he’s in love with her, just that he wants her to keep needing him the same way she used to when they were younger). when he says “i dont know how to live without you” he means it in a way that actually says “i’m terrified that you’ll stop needing me because i feel like i wouldn’t have you in my life any other way anymore/if we break up it might strain our relationship to a point of no return and i wouldn’t be able to have you in my life even as a friend”. the one line im still confused about is “and i thought if i said how i felt it would somehow make that day...hurt more” (i might go back and edit this if i’ve figured it out)

“i feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods. you were wearing that yellow benny’s burgers t-shirt. and it was so big, it almost swallowed you whole. and i knew right then and there, in that moment, that i loved you. and i’ve loved you every day since.”

people always say that mike intentionally lied here because yeah, it’s pretty clear it wasn’t love at first sight if you actually watch season 1 for yourself. he wanted to send her to an asylum and only really decided to keep her around once he found out she recognizes will. but i think this aspect of his words shouldn’t be what we should be focusing on. the writers just put it there to establish that they’re a doomed relationship that isn’t meant to last. what we should be focusing on is the fact that he keeps going back to the time they met, when they were young and when el was just a scared girl who managed to escape a lab she was being experimented on her whole life. the memory he recalls was at a time when el actually needed him. she needed him to provide shelter for her and take care of her, to teach her new things about the outside world. she fulfilled his underlying desire to be needed and she was the el that he developed feelings for (though i dont think they were that deep). maybe this is also why he said his life started at that time, not actually intending it to have romantic undertones, because her needing him at that time made him feel like he was worth something (a protector and a leader in a mission to save their missing friend and not just some *random nerd*). but the thing is, he isn’t talking to this el anymore. el has long since outgrown the childlike phase of their relationship and has learned to become her own person, has been doing things on her own since forever and hasn’t needed him since. she wanted mike to love her for who she is now, to be more serious in their relationship, but he can’t because his feelings for her haven’t actually grown or developed at all from when they were younger and keeps clinging to the old dynamic of their relationship, and he simply couldn’t love her romantically once she changed and the dynamic of their relationship shifted. so yeah, these lines from the monologue came from mike’s honest feelings of still being attached to that younger el (which isnt actually true romantic love), just worded really poorly because he was saying anything that came to mind at that point.

“i love you on your good days. i love you on your bad days.”

ok so i’ve been thinking about this line for a while and how people have pointed out that this is a lie, because we do see mike showing signs of not loving el on her “bad days” in the show (his behavior towards her after the roller-rink accident, for one). but actually...this line might be a response to a specific thing will said to him in the van about el’s feelings. remember when will says this?

“if she was mean to you or -- or she seemed like she was pushing you away -- it’s probably just because she was scared of losing you, just as you’re scared of losing her.”

now, i know people have said this is 100% specific to will because from what we’ve been shown in the season, el wasn’t pushing mike away and she was constantly sending letters to him while they were apart whereas it’s the opposite for will where he actually didn’t reach out as much (because of his feelings). but what if...what if i told you mike interpreted this line differently in a way that applies to el in his head? what if he actually thought of a specific day el was being mean to him and pushing him away? and that time could’ve been during the aftermath of their fight in el’s room? just remember how that day went. mike and el were fighting. el was then taken away by the cops and she glared at him from the window of the car, showing no signs of wanting him to go after her. to mike, this might have been the one time el was being mean to him and pushing him away. especially since he has expressed to will that “maybe if i said that thing, eleven would’ve taken me with her” meaning he believed that in better circumstances, el wouldn’t have been pushing him away at that time. later in the show, we find out that mike saw in el’s eyes, during the last time they talked, that she didn’t need him anymore. the last time they talked at that point was after their fight, el being taken by the cops and her looking resigned and done with him. then we get will reassuring him that if she was pushing him away, she was probably just scared of losing him. in my opinion, mike connected the dots then thought...“wait, maybe el didn’t appreciate me going after her or didn’t take me with her because she was concerned about me? because it was dangerous and she might’ve lost me, someone she needed?” and i know that at that point mike literally saw in her eyes that she didn’t need him anymore but the thing is, will tried to convince him otherwise. will provided him with another alternative or explanation for her demeanor at that time. and if that means it would relieve his fear that el has stopped needing him, then he’ll choose to believe will’s words (even if deep down, mike was actually right and el was realizing she didn’t need him anymore).

now, how does this all go back to mike saying he loved el even on her bad days? well, it’s safe to assume that said bad day could be the day of their fight and el leaving his side, and when will provided him with a possible explanation for her demeanor that day, he tried telling her that he understands. that he understands why she acted the way she did when she shut him out, it was a bad day for her and he tried reassuring her that he still loves her despite that happening. keep in mind though that he said all this while he was led to talk to an el that still needed him, an el that came entirely from will’s van speech, the el that was seemingly just scared of losing him that’s why she was pushing him away. so although mike’s words were meant to be genuine on his side, he was still just saying he loves the el that will described for him (not the real el, who mike was actually right about understanding that she was realizing she didn’t need him anymore).

“i love you with your powers. i love you without your powers. i love you for exactly who you are. you’re my superhero and i can’t lose you, okay? do you hear me? i can’t lose you. you can do anything. you can fly, you can move mountains. i believe that, i really do but right now you just have to fight. el, do you hear me? you need to fight. you have to fight. fight. fight! that’s it, el. fight, el. fight. fight.”

at this point, mike goes on and on about el’s powers and abilities and once again, calls her his “superhero”. now, why did he end up doing this? it’s because yet again, he was influenced by will’s confession to him in the van. i want you to remember what will told him:

“she’s so different from other people. and when you’re different, you feel like a mistake.”

technically, the feeling of being different applies to both will and el. they’ve both felt excluded/discriminated for these identities and that having them was a curse. but here is where they diverge in terms of how they deal with it in relation to mike:

will: i’ve embraced being different and i feel like it made me a better person thanks to you.

el: i hate the idea of being different nor do i want you to treat me like im so special for it, because i’m just a simple person more than anything.

will has come to make the feeling of being different a positive thing for him. just mike existing in his life made him accept being gay as an integral part of himself. but el has made it clear that being different did not make her feel better. she didnt want to be seen as this unique case, a girl who has powers and bears the responsibility of saving the world. she doesnt want it to be the thing integral to her character. the distinction is simply that will accepts being different, while el rejects being different.

so when will says “but you make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all. like she’s better for being different. and that gives her the courage to fight on”, mike understood from him that if he emphasizes to el how special she is and how her powers actually make her a better person (a superhero) and not the mistake she thinks she is, she’ll gather the strength from his words of “encouragement” and be able to continue fighting. which is exactly what he does in the monologue. he tells her that she can do anything, that she can fly and move mountains, that she’s his superhero. that she has to fight. he quite literally based all of this off of will’s words to him. and this is why the monologue falls flat and fails. because what mike believed el needed to hear from him actually contradicts what she always wanted. she doesnt want him to see her as someone different. she doesn’t actually feel valued or special when he sees her as a superhero. she wants him to love her as just a simple girl.

so even though will had good intentions and simply prioritized the love of his life’s happiness thinking that his veiled love confession to mike would help him fix his relationship with el, it ended up inadvertently making mike say the opposite of what el actually wanted from him. the more will tried to push mike away from himself and towards el, the more it doomed their relationship, simply because will was putting feelings on el that weren’t actually hers, but his own.

with all of this said, it’s safe to say that will’s feelings disguised as el’s, which were mostly not the truth of how el actually felt, was what mike used as a reference for his monologue to her, because will reassured mike about his insecurities and doubts perfectly, and made him believe that:

el still needed him (contradicts el’s true feelings because she’s changed and hasn’t relied on him since)

el felt better about being different thanks to him (contradicts el’s true feelings because she doesn’t actually want to be seen as different)

so when mike received will’s words, even though some things didn’t quite add up, he wanted to believe in his best friend who never lies to him, and tried responding to those feelings in the monologue:

“oh, so el actually still needs me the same way she always did when she was that girl i met in the woods. maybe i should remind her of that day just to solidify how she hasn’t changed at all from that girl who i came to really love. and she loves when i treat her so special that it made her feel better for being different. maybe i was right for calling her a superhero. maybe i should keep telling her how cool she is, how she can do anything with all those abilities she has compared to the average person. because it makes her feel valued and gives her the strength to fight.”

this led to el not actually feeling loved from the words that mike was trying to put out, which explains why she looked more in despair while mike was talking. she didn’t feel that he was being genuine enough even though his intention was to be mostly honest about his feelings, because he was actually talking to this mold of a girl that she wasn’t. he was led to respond to an el that will carefully crafted for him. what the entire monologue did was signify and expose how he didnt have true romantic feelings for the real el at that moment. and like a lot of people have said, in a way, he was just responding to will’s feelings.

in conclusion, the monologue was rooted in mike’s fear of change and his desire to keep being needed, will trying to prove his fears and insecurities wrong and convincing mike that he can still fix his relationship with el and maintain their old, seemingly unchanged dynamic, but doing so under lies that don’t actually match up with el’s true feelings, leading to a sincere but failed attempt of a monologue.

(although with the way s4 ended, maybe mike was already in that stage of accepting the changes, since he lets el be and doesn’t try to reach out to her even though she was clearly showing signs of not needing him, not seeking comfort from him at a time where she would have. he was beginning to accept that she really has grown and changed from the el that needed him, that their relationship can’t ever go back to the way it was when he could still feel *that* kind of affection for her, and that he can’t romantically love this new el as his feelings for her have changed since then.)

[shoezuki]

do think the appeal of c!techno is that hes a simple character that doesnt try and tackle heavy shit bc every time save for like wilbur fucking sucked and was disappointing which. i think seeing a character i like get ruined is worse than if they were shit at the start. like c!techno is a light character that has good fucking emotional beats when there and receives catharsis which trumps like. so much of the server

AMEN!!! honestly i was thinkin a it while this ask Sits Here n i am . I got It now cuz u sayin he doesnt tackle heavy things i was GOING to disagree but i THOUGHT. I REALIZED

One thing i hate with other Lore Streams: the Angsty Monologues where the cc just laya it all right out on the table and verbally says how Distraught they are and Recounts the Horrible Things they seen and Experienced and Oh Lord Have Mercy!

Its like. Too much. Its too explicit and like. Id say the audience could infer and put things together without it having to be laid out right on the table but.... but..... nah

Techno is Different. He doesnt Ever do such types a 'serious' streams where its monologuing. Literally the closest we got was him lamenting bout his cows but that shit was just FUNNY mans was waxing poetics.

Any Potentionally 'serious' or heavy things he does is..... not explicit. Like it Can be there if the audience wants to look. Like when he blew up the area tommy lived under his house. But he doesnt force us to choke on it. We can tap out and just. Enjoy that shit. He aint here with heavy hard shit like self harm or loss of reality or 'oh no i am losing my memories of all my loved ones :((' thank GOD. its great and refreshing cuz like

I DO love the more serious shit n the analysis of his character. But i like it More than any other Angsty character because a) its not riddled eith suffering and b) the deep diving i do isnt a necessity nor the like.... entirety of it

Hes just. Technoblade. And the homies love it