#he's a deeply good man who is also really fucking annoying

[missaengg]

Who Are You?

Pairing: Rafayel x f!reader Tags: nsfw, mdni, smut, some fluff and humor if you squint, kitchen sex, nipple play, p in v sex, creampie, pouty Rafayel Word Count: 2526 “Who are you?” Oh god, not this game again. Rafayel was pouting because of some unknown transgression you had committed against him, and he demanded restitution for your offense. A sinfully, delightful repayment. One you were only happy to oblige. ao3 link here.

“Who are you?”

Oh god, not this game again. You glanced at Rafayel, clocking his over exaggerated pout. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he was staring you down like you were an absolute god damn stranger in his kitchen. You could feel your blood pressure rising. As much as you loved this man in front of you, it was no secret he could also very much be a child. A fact Thomas would only be too happy to confirm.

“How did you get into my house?”

A frustrating, annoying child.

“Rafayel, will you please—“ 

“I don’t listen to people I don’t know.”

You groaned. “Will you please stop acting like a five year old and—“

“Lalala, I can’t hear you.” Rafayel plugged his ears with his fingers and sang obnoxiously at the top of his lungs.

You let out a slow, agitated sigh. The last time he played this game, it had taken an hour of coaxing and a bribery of kisses to get him to stop, all because you had forgotten to send him a ‘good morning’ text that day.

“Oh my god, what have I done now?”

Rafayel stopped. He stared at you with those gorgeous blue and pink eyes of his as if you were an absolute dunce for not knowing the transgression you committed against him. “You really don’t know?”

“No!”

Rafayel’s eyes deeply bore into yours, and after a long pause, he asked, “Who are you again?”

Ugh. This… This bitch! A deep, aggravated growl exploded from your throat. Sometimes… sometimes you really wanted to slap him silly. He was driving you absolutely fucking insane! Why couldn’t he just tell you what was upsetting him?

“Rafayel, I swear to god I’m going to kill you if you don’t tell me what I’ve done to upset you.”

“How the fuck do you not know?” Rafayel petulantly asked. “It’s so obvious.”

“Clearly it’s not because I don’t know!” You fought off the urge to shout a string of expletives. If you could read his mind, you would in a heartbeat, but unfortunately, because you were only human, you needed him to tell you in words why he was so upset.

Rafayel crossed his arms again, his pout deepening on his face to the point you wondered just how much farther his bottom lip could jut out. He scowled at you from across the kitchen island. A stalemate, one where the first to break would lose.

You played his game back, crossing your arms, raising an eyebrow. Your steely eyes drilled into his, daring him to continue.

The clock on the wall ticked away.

Tick… 

Tick… 

Tick…

You raised an eyebrow at the man standing in front of you as if to ask, ‘Well, you going to tell me or not?’

Tick…

Rafayel’s eye twitched.

Tick…

He scrunched his nose into that childish expression you adored — most of the time.

Tick.

“You didn’t come see me last night!”

There it was. Victory. You suppressed the urge to smirk in celebration.

“I see,” you drawled.

Rafayel’s pout grew deeper, his bottom lip indeed jutting out even further than you thought possible.  A furious blush spread across his cheeks and up his ears, a consequence of breaking his composure. “I demand restitution for your offense.”

You slunk towards him, keeping your brows furrowed in mock concern. “What did you have in mind?”

Rafayel opened his mouth and closed it, his pouty lips puckering as he deliberated on what would be the most appropriate form of repayment.  Approaching him, you placed your palms on his chest, slowly sliding them up until they were locked around his neck.

“What can I do to make it better?” you purred into his ear, now a dark beet red from how flush your body was with his. “Hm?”

Rafayel faltered, especially as you nibbled on his earlobe. You could feel him tense each time your teeth lightly pulled on the soft flesh of his ear, his resolve chipping with each caress of your tongue.

“Fuck, cutie.” Rafayel’s ragged breaths tickled your neck. His hands slipped under the hem of your shirt, his fingernails digging into the skin underneath.

“Is this restitution enough for you?” You tongued Rafayel’s neck where you could feel his heart beating rapidly, grazing your teeth right above his artery. 

“No,” he forcefully groaned, a shudder running through him when you suddenly nipped him. Rafayel ground his hip against you, his arousal demanding stimulation.

“No? How about if I do this?” You trailed your hands down his back to his ass grabbing both cheeks and jerking his hips into you.

“No…”

You slowly undulated your pelvis against his painfully hard erection eliciting choked groans from the stupefied man. Grinning wickedly, you sensually pressed your lips to his, biting his bottom lip and then caressing it with your tongue, all while your hips moved against his arousal. Rafayel shivered, his breath catching in his throat, delicious little breathy moans spilling from his lips.

“Is this enough for you?”

A guttural choked groan escaped Rafayel when you slipped your hand into his pants, stroking his twitching member. A dark heat smoldered in his hazy eyes. He looked alluringly erotic.

“Stop— stop teasin’ me,” Rafayel husked, burying his head in the crook of your neck. His hands roamed up and down your back, fingernails burrowing in your flesh with every squeeze you gave his shaft. “Hah…”

The hot puffs of air from his breaths wisping on your neck sent tingles tickling down your spine. Your own arousal began to pool, a needy throbbing growing between your legs. Closing your eyes, you subconsciously rubbed your pelvis against his trying to find some relief from the swelling tension.

“I’m not teasing,” you fired back, “I’m making up for my… my transgression.”

Rafayel whined when you removed your hand from inside his pants, but quickly realized you stopped to unbutton them instead. ”Want more… more than this.” 

He wasted no time kicking off both his pants and his underwear discarding them haphazardly off to the side. Your eyes darkened at the sight of him standing at attention, swollen to the point of bursting. You licked your lips. His tip glistened with his obvious desire.

Rafayel roughly spun you around against the island, bunching your skirt up around your waist and yanking down your damp underwear.

“Rafayel,” you squeaked in surprise. “We cook here.”

Rafayel ran his length through your folds, coating himself with your slick. “Don’t care. S’my repayment,” he mumbled, lining himself up with your entrance. In one swift go, he plunged in, sinking in until he was fully buried.

You let out a sharp gasp, a flash of white overtaking your vision. You were practically dripping, but it didn’t matter how ready you were for him, he somehow always managed to stretch you out to the point you felt as if you’d split in two.

Rafayel gripped the sides of your hips, hissing at how readily you sucked him in. “Fuck, cutie, you feel so… so good,” he choked, his greedy hands kneading your breasts, fingers pinching with no regard as to whether he caused you any pain.

Each hard pinch sent a spark shooting through you, the pain only adding to the pleasure blooming within your lower abdomen. You snapped your head back, gasping at a particularly rough pinch.

Rafayel lowered his mouth to your neck, sucking hard, no doubt leaving a dark bruise. His mark.

“Raf, not where people can see,” you weakly objected.

He thrust into you slowly, taking his time to pull out and sink in his entire length. “But then” –he swirled his tongue against the darkening bruise– “how’re people” –he moved up higher on your neck– “going to know” –he sucked down hard again– “y’were a naughty girl?”

He bit down and pinched your nipple simultaneously, and you keened, the combination of pain and pleasure Rafayel provided you too much. You trembled in his hands, so hard you had to brace yourself against the counter if only to prevent your shaking legs from crumpling beneath you.

“How else am I going to hear you” –he snapped his hips– “make that lewd sound?”

You moaned. Rafayel entered you so deeply, you swore you could feel the tip of his cock in your throat.

“Besides, s’my repayment, right? Can do… can do whatever I want.” Rafayel rolled against you in a slow, steady pace, and his bulbous tip dragged sinfully along your walls, teasing that sensitive patch of gummy flesh that left you writhing in his hands.

“Raf, harder,” you whined, pushing your hips back, desperate to hear the slap of your skin hitting his. 

“Fuck,” Rafayel rasped under his breath.

He pulled out, and before you could even begin to process how empty you felt without his presence inside you, he whirled you around and grabbed you by the waist, hoisting you onto the kitchen island. He moved so quickly you didn’t have time to yelp or note how cold the granite felt on your ass.

Rafayel’s lips came crashing down on yours. His tongue flicked your bottom lip. Your head spun trying to keep up. You parted your mouth, allowing him to dart in and twine your tongues while your heavy breaths mingled together. You curled your fingers into his hair, raking your fingernails against his scalp.

“Y’drive me… crazy,” he breathed.

“Should… be saying… the same thing… about… you,” you quipped in between kisses.

You tugged on the hem of his shirt. You wanted to feel him, all of him, against you. Breaking away, Rafayel ripped the damn thing off of him and tossed it somewhere you couldn’t see because he immediately attacked your own right after, pulling your shirt over head and capturing your nipple between his teeth.

You arched your back, tugging his hair a little harder than you intended. You heard him mutter something you couldn’t quite catch under his breath, too absorbed in the delectable way his mouth ravaged your inflamed peaks. 

“Raf, would you just… just fuck me already,” you demanded, the unbearable ache between your legs now too agonizing to ignore. 

Your plea seemed to light a fire within Rafayel, and he gripped you firmly by your thighs, hauling you towards him until your ass hung precariously off the edge of the counter. Holding you in place, he dove in, and without waiting, he bucked his hips. You gasped. Your arms instinctively rose to his shoulders in a futile attempt to brace yourself from his assault.

Your cunt sang, avariciously clenching around his shaft with no intention of letting go. Unlike the slow, methodical thrusts from before, Rafayel pounded into you without abandon in a dizzying speed. 

He was bullying your cervix, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted more. 

You hooked your legs around him driving him in as deep as he could go. “Deeper, Raf,” you pleaded, catching his eyes. “Need you… need you deeper.”

Rafayel gazed into your eyes, and then abruptly rammed your hips.

“Fuck!” you screamed, reeling from the sudden sting of pressure radiating through your lower stomach.

“That deep enough… for you?” he growled.

Stars dotted your vision, and all you could do was mewl as you clutched his shoulders with all the strength you had left in your fingers. You heard Rafayel snicker, but his moment of triumph was short-lived when your legs locked around him even tighter.

Shit, cutie,” he rasped.

Your clit brushed the jut of his pelvis every time Rafayel even shifted. Your head flopped back, your eyes closed. “Feels… fuck… feels so… good,” you whimpered.

Your bodies rocked together. The coil within you grew taut, a bundle of energy ready to burst and fling free with the slightest provocation.

“Raf…” you whispered hoarsely.

“Shit, cutie, I’m–” Rafayel took in a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m–”

His body tensed, and then he spilled into you, jerking with every spurt of his hot cum. You enveloped his head in your arms, stroking the back of his head as he helplessly clung to you.

“I love you… so… so much… so… fuck, cutie… don’t even… know,” Rafayel babbled, his voice a strangled, hopeless mess.

His sweet, earnest cries set your heart aflame, the tipping point for your own release, and the coil within you snapped. You felt yourself clamp down around his pulsating length, and your body roiled with ecstasy, shattering into a million pieces.

“God, Raf…”

Your body was on fire. Your blood roared in your ears, and you captured his lips with your own, falling deeper into your shared intoxication. The two of you shared kiss after dizzying kiss, riding out the blissed-out haze of your releases together.

You planted one last kiss on his swollen lips before pulling back. “So, was that enough of a repayment for you?”

Rafayel nodded blankly, and you tittered at the blank glaze in his eyes. 

“Good.” You brushed your lips on the tip of his nose. “Next time, can you please just tell me why you’re upset instead of being difficult about it?”

You watched as clarity returned to Rafayel and he wrinkled his nose.

“Baby, I’ve waited 800 years for you. The least you can do is let me pout about petty things.”

You rolled your eyes. “We’re still holding that over my head, are we?”

“Yep,” Rafayel drawled, smirking at you. “For as looooooong as I waited for you.” He exaggerated the ‘o’ in the word ‘long’ as if to make his point.

You sighed and shook your head, but a smile danced on your lips. “Fine,” you conceded. “If it means I get a good dicking like this in the process, I guess it can’t be helped.”

You cackled with glee as Rafayel sputtered, another blush coloring his cheeks. You held his burning cheeks in your hands and tenderly pressed your lips to his.

“I love you,” you murmured, peering into his eyes. “Even when you’re being a child.”

This time, it was Rafayel who rolled his eyes, but he pounced, bombarding your face with wet kisses.

“Rafayel, stop,” you squealed and made a fruitless effort to push him away.

“No,” he protested.  “I waited 800 years for you. Least you can do is let me love you as much as I want.”

You melted, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning into him with your full body, a wicked thought occurring to you. “You know,” you whispered suggestively into his ear. “We still haven’t christened the grand piano sitting in your living room.”

You snickered when Rafayel choked, but yelped when he swept you into a princess carry. 

“Should probably fix that, shouldn’t we?” He devilishly grinned and strode out of the kitchen with you kicking delightfully in his arms.

“Raf, put me down,” you cried as you swatted at his shoulder.

“No, we’re going to go christen the piano.”

You rolled your eyes again, but you hummed, snuggling into his hold. As much as Rafayel drove you insane, you couldn’t stay mad at him, not when he warmed your heart just as much. 

Maybe the childish nature of your boyfriend wasn’t so bad after all.

[noldorinsherlock]

I don't know how to put the water overlay edit on things but I've seen this post like twice now and it's Also going to make me become the joker. I don't know how to explain to you that ACD Holmes is, in fact, rude.

[sammydem0n64]

I’m being cursed by Talen thoughts. If only bc. Damn imagine being a teenage boy who, like most hormonal teens, CRAVES intimacy (this is my way of saying horny without being murdered for saying a 17 year old experiences sexual attraction.) and that’s largely your gimmick; that you want a girlfriend and it just so happens the girls you like are Not Very Good People. Yeah and then turns out your dad decides to try and kill you instead of selling you out to the gangs he’s in debt to?

[fictionalmenmistress]

I haven't seen anyone else talk about it, so I wanted to share that Logan's rant monologue insulting Wade in the Honda Odyssey, before Wade decides to beat him up and they ~fight~ all night... that so clearly to me, was Logan projecting. It started as a tempered rant to cope with how annoyed and pent up he was, with the heat of everything and with Wade's muchness that makes him, him, but the longer he went on, the more he started ranting and exposing himself in the process.

"THE XMEN REJECTED YOU, AND THEY'LL TAKE FUCKING ANYONE!!!" That was my first hit, that he was referring to himself. He sees himself so lowly, so failed, that's canonical to the film. And canonically, he didn't even quite originally feel worthy or want to be with the XMEN. Didn't feel like there was a place for him there, a place for him anywhere. One of his biggest healings was Professor X not giving up on helping him believe that he deserved to be there, was wanted, was worthy, was a good guy. That's canon to his character. So we know he was speaking about himself. He was chewing Wade out, but he was also talking and focusing moreso on what upset him about himself. (He sees himself as just any jo shmo, when he IS literally THE X MAN ���ㅠ)

He was seeing himself in Wade, how he "can't even save a relationship with a gd stripper", (he sees himself as not able to save anything either, and he's angry for that more than anything else he's angry or annoyed at) projecting SO HARD as he pieced together saying it out loud, that Wade was exactly like him. Logan hated himself for not saving anything. For being a "loser", a "failure", for all of the same reasons he was lashing out at Wade for. He was so angry and annoyed by Wade reminding him of himself, because he related to him. Wade was his reflection, in his eyes, calling him out so loudly with his own behaviors. And he hated himself. He deeply was suffering with that hatred for himself, and as a result, he lashed out on Wade when really he was chewing out himself, inside, admitting it.

"God's CRUELEST JOKE, IS THAT YOU *WONT* DIE ALONE. BECAUSE YOU! CANT! DIE! SO THE REST OF US HAVE TO SUFFER YOU THE REST OF OUR EXISTENCE!" (something along that.)

He didn't know for sure that Wade can't die. He picked up on that Wade can't be killed. Logan is the one who can't die. They are two flipped sides of the same immortal power coin. When he finished his screaming at him, and everyone was silent at how cruel and shocking the confrontation and his words were, I was sinking with a very empathetically whispered "oh, Logan..." Because I felt his misery. I immediately picked up on him really talking about himself, and I think that was genius and layered. I was upset for how awful that was to say to Wade, heartbroken for Wade taking that to heart, and I was heartbroken that Logan was saying that because he believes that about himself. Because they are, oddly, a lot alike. Very compatible.

This scene here:

I read that Hugh said that Ryan wrote that. He's brilliant with these films. It was so genius. I really needed to share this and bring this thought, meta, analysis to light. For all of us to have.

Is Logan mad at God's "cruel joke" of his immortality, yet ability to feel so much pain through it still? Yes. He punched the roof in rage, because it's not fair. Venting his own pain. He sees his powers, his own and Wade's too, empathetically, as their curse. The curse of being the one who lives, and the guilt with that. The one who can't die. The one who lives, who is forced to live, while everyone who "deserves to live" dies. And WILL die, around them.

"And You can't die. That's on all of US!" Logan says, clearly referring to himself living forever... And "us" being the people HE loved. He saw himself as a burden for existing with them, for them. He deflected that onto Wade, as if the people in Wade's life must feel that way too, but didn't really mean that. He meant it about himself. Logan believes he was a burden on the people he loves, the people he lost. That's probably why he left too, and didn't come back when they called out for him to. He distanced himself to protect them, and protect himself from that fear of rejection that he feels is so imminent, and them not having him, is the one element that led to none of them surviving without him. He was always the key. He was always wanted, and he was always important and needed. He just couldn't ever believe that.

Man, that's why it became so personal for Logan too, when he was shown Wade's photograph of his family. Because HE had a family, and he would do anything now to save them. Just like Wade. He held that photograph all night, he went and got it when it fell out of the car, he kept looking at it. It became personal for him, when he identified with it. That Honda scene really was their turning point of everything. That's when Logan cared with everything. He got it. Wade is the him he couldn't be. But now he can.

I dropped some heat with this one.

Extra little personal context/thought notes: Maybe I just spotted it because I have a natural knack for psychology, I'm hyperobservant, highly empathetic and deeply feeling, and I'm also years experienced of my parents and whole family treating me the same exact toxic lashout way almost every other day. That's a workweek for me to see through toxic lashout anger BS. These are not my gifs!!! They were created by another amazing account. I will refind their @ and tag them!! >>> It's @landoslastnerve ! Thank you friend! 🤍

Also wanted to include someone's tags from those gifs:

.

[whirlybirbs]

— NOISE COMPLAINT ; eijiro kirishima ; 切島

summary: red riot feels really bad about absolutely wrecking the shit out of your treasured plants, or eijiro kirishima falls in love at first sight. pairing: f!reader / pro hero!red riot word count: 3.7k tags: mutual pining, fluff/comfort, humor, very gentlemanly make-out, reader is a fan of red riot, mention of ingenium thirst (truth) a/n: kiri might be a twenty-seven year old pro hero in this fic but he is an absolute lovesick virgin who gets all his romantic cues from k-dramas. you cannot force me to think otherwise.

This is exactly the sort of night you needed.

The television, low and quiet, drones on as a deep-dive video on terrariums plays. Your apartment is clean — dishes done, laundry folded and trash taken out. There's a new candle burning on the coffee table, and a Dynamight-themed, cucumber-melon eye mask plastered to your delightedly thoughtless expression.

It's supposed to be good for dark circles. It kinda burns. You wonder if maybe that's, like, part of the gimmick. Y'know. Burns. Dynamight. 

Whatever.

No thoughts. Only the pleasure of turning everything off — brain included — for a perfect Friday night, complete with a mediocre glass of wine and no pants. 

The oversized Red Riot t-shirt clinging to your frame is your favorite. You've had it since college — it's a simple red tee with REAL MEN RIOT blazoned across the front, complete with your favorite hero popping a cheeky, shark-like grin and a double bicep. It's faded, stretched out, and broken in but it's also clean, and it smells like fabric softener and comfort.

This is the life. 

Even Twitter is decidedly pretty calm tonight. 

You're scrolling through your timeline, snickering at your friends' recent thirst tweets over Ingenium's recent GQ Japan shoot when it starts.

Apparently, your upstairs neighbors are home.

You thought those guys were out of town for the week. 

You've had beautiful, silent bliss for too long. The buck stops tonight, you suppose.

There's a shout overhead, then a scramble. Another voice joins the fray, and you swear you hear someone call someone else an idiot. You frown deeply as your eyes trail upwards. You wait, expecting more noise, but unsettling silence follows.

Your eye twitches.

Annoyance tips into a simmering rage.

The apartment complex is old. It's in decent shape, and the rent isn't half bad, but the walls are thin. Your upstairs neighbors have been like this as long as you can remember: shouting, stomping, fighting... Some nights it's like being subjected to musical chairs, modern contemporary tap dance, and experimental sound drum solos all at once. 

Your first week was the worst. You dragged yourself up the back to knock on their door and politely negotiate some silence — but the man who opened the door was less than pleased to have his little dude-bro circle-jerk interrupted. He told you to fuck off, get bent, and leave him the fuck alone. 

Then, before he slammed the door in your face, he procured the sort of audacity only assholes possessed and laughed at your Red Riot shirt — which is just plain unforgivable, frankly. 

"That guy's a fuckin' pussy." 

Sure, sure, sure, right, right, right.

The interaction told you everything you needed to know about the two (or four?) men who lived upstairs. They were losers. And they were fuckin' annoying. 

And, as it turns out, manufacturing bad batches of Trigger. 

You don't know that yet, but truth be told it isn't exactly shocking.

Maybe it's your fault for picking an apartment complex in this part of Tokyo. This part of Arawaka Ward is rarely found on those top-ten-neighborhoods-for-young-professionals lists, but it's affordable! And for day laborers like you, it worked. And hey, in recent months, the crime rate has gone down at least 5% — which only quelled the anxieties of your mom and dad by about the same percentage. 

The candle on the coffee table flickers, and you're about to turn back to your slow Twitter feed when there's another bang upstairs — this one admittedly loud enough to send a wave through your wine beside you. You slip your eyes slowly to the glass, perched on a coaster, as another bang rattles your apartment. You reach to still the vibrating glass on the side table. 

That's when the shouting really starts.

And it's when you notice the growing brightness of red and blue lights outside the window.

The apartment complex is pretty big. There are about sixty residents and six floors. You lucked out and managed to snagone of the last available Western-facing studios with a balcony — which made for a perfect plant haven. 

It was a recent hobby, but one that quickly became your calm after the chaos of the day-to-day. Working for the city's Heroics Response Department left you picking up the physical pieces (literally) of a lot of lives. Your quirk might be the usual, run-of-the-mill strength-based ability, but it comes in handy in the aftermath of property damage due to — what the Nation's Safety Commission has labeled — "villain-aggressed encounters". 

All in all, it's a good gig. It's physically demanding but rewarding. The pay is good, you've got union benefits, and you even have a per-diem schedule. It keeps you busy, and though it's not your father's construction business, it's a career path your parents are proud of. 

The slice-of-heaven balcony is bustling with plants. Some are happier than others, sure, but it's pretty. You've admittedlyformed an emotional bond with those vines, leaves, and flowers. 

It's perfect.

It's also perfect for snooping whenever things like this go down in your complex, or the sister complex across the parking lot. 

The shouting match upstairs is escalating, and you take the moment to tip-toe towards your balcony door to peek outside. It looks like two or three police cruisers have pulled up outside. Maybe someone called for a noise complaint? Maybe the property manager was tired of dealing with those losers?

Cackling to yourself, and hoping for a vindicating show of revenge (NO ONE CALLS RED RIOT A PUSSY), you yank open your balcony door and slip outside just as the sound of a pot crashing meets your ears.

Then:

"Shit, shit, shit—"

There's someone on the balcony. That someone's boot is currently stuck in an empty terracotta pot you were saving for spring. Your eyes are wide as you watch the shadow leap to his other foot, lose his balance, and unceremoniously knock over your entire, six-foot-tall, and well-treasured plant stand. You slap a hand over your mouth mid-shriek, hands flying to try and save whatever you can. 

You fail.

Eijiro Kirishima freezes.

What the fu—

It takes a second.

Like, a full second. Maybe even two. Your brain can't make sense of the sight before you. Neither can his, really. 

There's a girl on this balcony. A pretty girl. Like, mega pretty. Like soft and warm and cute and you smell kinda like vanilla — and there's... You're wearing his merch. His merch and... nothing else. Nothing else but a Dynamight eye mask and a pair of fluffy socks. 

...Is this what it's like to fall in love at first sight?

Shit.

Red Riot is on your balcony.

The Red Riot.

Red Riot, the hero in question, catches himself staring. His wide eyes openly wander over your figure (woah, okay, hello thighs), and the second he realizes it, he quickly snaps his eyes up to your face with a mortified expression. "Uh... hi!"

"...Hi...?"

Your expression is tied between shame, fear, and sheepishness as you blink once at him, then twice at the mess of your hobby's destruction. There's dirt everywhere, a plant stand blocking the doorway, and carnage. Your precious babies have been murdered. 

By Red Riot.

And... Red Riot is on your balcony. 

You repeat: Red Riot is on your balcony. 

Abort mission, abort mission.

Your lips part, your mouth hangs open, and every single thought in your head seems to stutter. Kirishima winces as you look down dejectedly at your plants (or, what remains) before he speaks.

"I, uh— is it cool if I..." he points upwards, "Use your balcony?" 

You're speechless.

You draw your mouth shut and nod hurriedly.

"Thanks," he grins, giving you a thumbs up — and a smile. A toothy, cute, nervous smile, "Lemme just... I gotta handle something. B-But, I'll be back. I'll help fix this mess — just... five minutes, okay?"

It hits you suddenly that his voice sounds different from all those interviews you've watched. It's a little warmer, a little raspier, a little less heroic. It's cute. 

Your brain is still having a hard time connecting the words coming out of his mouth to the scene before you — like, yes frontal lobe, this is real. This is happening.

Red Riot is real and Red Riot is on your balcony. 

He's shockingly gentle when he finally frees his boot from your terracotta pot, setting it down with purposeful delicacy — he even whispers 'please stay' as he props it upright — and then steps back to eye the balcony above yours like an athlete remembering a gameplan. 

He's trying to figure out the best way up. 

How he even got up here is news to you. 

(It was Uravity, as it turns out. They've been patrolling together more in this Ward.)

Red Riot is huge. Like, huge. 

Broad shoulders, rippling biceps, and long, fluffy crimson hair. It's daunting to realize how tall he is in person. The guy is a beast — everyone knows it — but his chivalrous nature is that thing that usually draws in his fans. It's no secret that Red Riot is sweet. He openly champions the need to be a good role model for men everywhere. Y'know, you can be strong and nice!

A sharp canine glints in your apartment's light as he pokes his tongue out and thinks for a second. 

Then, he settles on his plan. 

"You might wanna head inside," Red Riot says as he rolls his shoulders and bounces on the balls of his feet; he's readying up for a fight — and you blink as the beautiful realization dawns on you, "This could get kinda loud."

Loud?

Oh my god.

Is he here for your upstairs neighbors?

Oh my god, he is. 

Your jaw falls open as you bark out a laugh — it's an incredulous rasp that sends you into a spiral of joy; you're not a vengeful person by any means but...

"They're gonna shit themselves," you grin, your eyes alight with pure delight and a spark of something that reminds Kirishima a lot little bit of Bakugo, "They called you a pussy—"

Kirishima's brows shoot upwards as he pauses. He was about to jump and dig his hands into the underside of the balcony, but his quirk is stalling at your words. There's a roaring fire blazing in your eyes, one that screams retribution. 

It's... comical.

You cackle again at him with a wide grin, hissing conspiratorily. "They made fun of my shirt!"

You point down at the REAL MEN RIOT tee with both hands, your face set in a look of vindicated glee. Then, the second realization of the night hits — that you've got no pants on, and that stupid, goofy Dynamight eye mask is still on your face. You make a soft sound of embarrassment and tug your shirt down lower, trying to cover up. He cannot see your underwear. No. No way, no fucking way. Without a single word, you reach up, snatch the Dynamight eye mask off your face, and whip it off the balcony without a second thought. 

Slowly, Kirishima's face splits into a pointy grin. 

Holy shit, he's so fucking hot. 

"Oh, man," Red Riot rumbles, his face cracking into a sharp, playful smirk, "That's real rude. I might have t' teach these guys some manners."

Your smile returns, washing away the wobbly look of embarrassment sticking to your cheeks. 

Man, it sure is cute.

You are really cute, Kirishima realizes.

"Right! And who calls Red Riot a pussy?" you counter excitedly, before reigning it in and awkwardly lowering your arms as you try to tug your shirt down to hide the tops of your thighs again. Your glee has stifled a little bit, but it only reaffirms Kirishima's duty to wrap this all up. 

"Yea, that's, like, super misogynistic," he muses as his quirk kicks in and his hands flick into a hardened state. It's insaneto witness the way his large hands transform into weapons with a single breath. You can see the jagged extension of his quirk working up his large arms, too, "Lemme just have a lil' word with these boys, alright? Head on inside, I'll be back in a sec'."

Then, with graceful ease, he hops upwards with a little hup before latching to the base of the upstairs neighbor's balcony. 

It's insane how effortless it is for him to haul himself up the balcony, his hands dug into the cement. His upper body strength is insane. He's scaling the terrace, alternating his grip. He disappears into the dark, swinging his body upwards and reaching his destination.

You tamp down your awe in favor of heeding his directions: head inside.

You're closing the balcony door when you hear Red Riot's voice greet the unexpecting gaggle.

"Hey, fellas! I heard you guys are some super fans. Got anything you want me to sign?"

You snicker to yourself as you hear the beginning of a fight. 

Again, as it turns out, the guys upstairs sucked. Like, mega sucked. They'd been responsible for several recent Trigger overdoses; Uravity and Red Riot were working with law enforcement to track the small-time manufacturers — which explains why they'd been so quiet lately. They suspected someone was on their tail. 

As Red Riot scaled their balcony, law enforcement waited to break down their door. They arrested the four men (Seriously? Four? In that studio?) without much incident — however, you did spy a broken nose on one of them as they were hauled into the back of the awaiting cruisers. 

Sweet, sweet revenge. 

By the time your neighbors are carted off, you've shimmed into some sweats and made a half-assed attempt to look sort ofpresentable, all while firing off a few contextually incomprehensible texts into your group chat.

red riot has seen me in my underwear wtf do i do know kiss him?

You're really weighing your options when there's a knock on your balcony entry. It's gentle and cordial. You turn, head snapping, and spy that trademarked (and a dozen times retweeted) smile through the glass. He waves. 

Your heart leaps into your throat. You try to remember to breathe as you shuffle over and tug the balcony door open. The night air is cool.

Be like the night air.

Stay cool.

Eijiro feels so silly. And guilty. And honestly? Really into you. 

You're still wearing that shirt — the one with his face on it. You have opted to put on pants, but Kirishima still reminds himself to keep his eyes on your face. No ogling. That's not very gentlemanly. 

There's a beat of awkward silence as the two of you wait for the other to speak, and Kirishima is the one to break it with a raspy laugh.

"I wanted to apologize about your plants," a large hand moves to rub the back of his neck, "I cleaned up as best I could. I'm really, really sorry."

You wave him off, leaning into the doorframe. "No, it's okay! It's nothing I can't... fix. I think?"

You look beyond him to the catastrophic mess of plant matter. He must have tried tidying up while you rattled off the rapid-fire texts in the group chat. 

Red Riot's face warbles into something tied between mortification and guilt. "Please forgive me."

"Seriously!" you cry, waving your hands as you try to placate his dejected expression, "Please don't feel bad. It's a fair trade, y'know. Those guys upstairs were, like, the worst."

"I can only imagine," Eijiro concedes, frowning a little, "They didn't give you too much trouble, did they?"

You shake your head and laugh a little, "Aside from insulting my favorite hero to my face? Not really."

Kirishima can feel his face get a little hot. He shifts from boot to boot. His smile is a little woozy. "So... you're a fan?"

You don't need to tell him the underwear you have on matches the shirt — red, with an embroidered RR on the front. You keep that to yourself. You just nod happily.

"Really?" his grin cracks into something so excitable it makes your entire stomach flip, "I don't meet a lotta fans who are..."

His words drift off.

He's staring at your eyes. You're so... soft. Warm. Your eyes are swirling with quiet, astonished adoration and it's making Kirishima feel like he's floating. 

"Who are...?" your brow quirks as you lean deeper into the doorframe, trying to coax out the rest of the sentence.

"Gorgeous," he breathes, his posture relaxing a little as he soaks in your expression.

It's like getting sucker punched to the sternum.

All the wind rushed out of your lungs.

The soft moment only lasts a beat, because suddenly Red Riot's face screws up and he waves his hands hurriedly. "Wait, no. Hold on, I mean — all of my fans are gorgeous, because, uh, they're my fans and I love them, right? It's not like they're not gorgeous, I just — I'm... I... My fans are, like, usually dudes? A-And that's totally cool because dudes can be gorgeous, too, y'know? But—"

You're laughing.

Kirishima is realizing he was not paying enough attention in his agency's PR training last month and you're laughing.

"I get it," you giggle, crossing your arms and grinning up at him, "I mean, I definitely don't think I'm gorgeous but—"

"You are," he assures firmly, his expression serious.

Are you dead?

Are you, like, literally ascending to a higher plane right now?

There's no fucking way this is happening. 

Your lips part in quiet shock as you bite back a smile that threatens to cramp up your cheeks. Kirishima eats it up, his posture perking up at the way you seem to melt at his compliment. His smile is boyish — almost dizzy. 

You duck a bashful look towards the tiled floor of the balcony, not really giving a singular shit that your beloved monstera has been stomped on.

Kirishima clears his throat, then — in a move he totally hasn't swooned over in those K-dramas he's secretly obsessed with, that'd be ridiculous — he props his arm up against your door and leans over you. Your faces are close in the warm light of the balcony. 

Your eyes stutter up his abdomen, chest, jaw, lips, and eyes. Kirishima notices. It's really, really cute.

"Are you, uh... Are you seeing anyone?" 

Of course, Red Riot would ask that. Red Riot, the king of chivalry. How is something like that so endearing? For the tenth time tonight, he makes your stomach flip.

You shake your head no, a little too stunned to speak.

"Cool," Eijiro musters over a shake of nerves, "Cool. Okay. Uh, then would it... would it be okay if I bought you some new plants?"

You nod, swallowed entirely by his shadow. He's so fucking huge. 

"And if I took you to dinner?" 

Another nod.

"...And — shit. You're, like, so cute," the smooth persona he's put on melts a little as his eyes roam your face; you feel so... shy, "I was gonna ask you something else but..."

"My number?" you offer, fiddling with the hem of your shirt as you maintain eye contact. 

Is it hot? You're sweating. Is he sweating? He's hot. 

Eijiro nods, absolutely mesmerized by the way you tug your lip between your teeth. "That. Yea."

He has to fight back the urge to bite his knuckle when you turn away and move towards your kitchen to snag your phone. Kirishima stays put, allowing himself one moment of ogling. When you turn around, he's clearing his throat and crossing a boot over his ankle. 

He's still leaning up against the doorway.

"Here," you slip him the phone.

Eiijiro takes it — then hesitates for a second.

"...You're not gonna leak my number, are you?"

You have to laugh. You rub your cheek and shake your head before crossing your arms and looking up at him. "If you think I'm going to do anything to fumble this, you're wrong." 

Fumble this? Fumble him? He's the one that is at risk of fumbling, are you serious?

Eijiro barks out a surprised laugh as he enters his number, shoots a quick text his way then ignores the buzz in his back pocket. He hands your phone back and tries so fucking hard to ignore the way your fingers brush his. 

He got your number.

Holy shit, he got your number.

"Hey, Red Riot?"

He blinks down at you. "Y-Yea?"

You gesture for him to come closer, and he obeys easily — he bends a bit at the waist, his hair falling along his shoulders as he smiles down at you in the threshold of your apartment.

"Is everything alri—?"

You pop a chaste kiss against his cheek. 

Or, try. 

As you hop up onto your tippy toes to kiss his cheek, Eijiro is turning his head at the sound of Urvaity calling his name simultaneously. Trajectory failed, and now it's lips and lips instead of lips on cheek — and honestly? He owes Ochaco one for this. 

Red Riot melts — actually, truly, genuinely melts. His posture slumps down as you let out a shocked little sound of apology. But, Eijiro doesn't mind, and fuck, neither do you — because one hand braces against the doorframe above your head while his other hand is suddenly on your waist. He steadies himself, and damn. Damn. 

He breaks away when Uravity calls his name again. Kirishima is breathless and blushing, and your knees feel like jello. 

"I... Uh, I gotta go—"

"Yea, totally," you breathe, swallowing down the burn of unfiltered attraction, "Sorry, I was trying to kiss your cheek—"

Another call of his name. Red Riot curses softly before hollering a 'COMING!' over his shoulder, out past the edge of the balcony. 

When he turns back, he's fast to sweep you into another kiss — this one hotter than before. This one draws you into his chest, sending your hands colliding with the hot skin of his chest. There's muscle and scars and heat beneath your fingertips. His hand curls around your lower back, and you nearly moan. 

He peels himself away with an apologetic look as he backs towards the edge of the balcony. "I gotta go — I'll text you once patrol is over. Is that okay? I'm serious about the plants. And dinner." 

All you can do is nod.

Eijiro is kinda proud of himself for stunning you stupid with that kiss.

This is exactly the sort of night you needed.

[coolyiooo]

BSD Men : Hooking Up As Enemies/ Rivals

Pairings: Dazai, Ranpo, Fyodor, Atsushi, Chuuya, and Sigma

❗WARNINGS❗: SMUT, MDNI, blindfold, scratching, degrading, praise, biting, pulling, breeding kink, whimpering, moaning, cock warming, overstimulation, choking, etc

🖤DAZAI 🖤

You never liked Dazai. If you were being honest the only thing you liked about him was his looks. Dazai was annoying, sneaky and treated you like shit which made the thought of him disgusting. He was never too fond of you either, yet he also found you pretty attractive. Thus you both somehow found yourselves having sex.

Dazai was on top of you with his cock thrusting deeply into you. He hit every sensitive part of you skillfully which made it hard for you to quiet your moans. Your wet, tight cunt made him grip onto the bed sheets. He didn't think you'd feel this fucking good and it was almost like you were made for his cock.

He was panting slightly "Squeezing me so tightly? And I thought you hated my guts ngh~ but now I'm literally in them~" he smirks

You felt embarrassed by his words and decided to flip yourself over to jump on his cock. You felt better seeing him beneath you and be in a more vulnerable position, but his smirk didn't go away

He put his hands on your hips and looked down to see his cock rub in and out of your tight pussy "Heh~ you look good jumping on my cock like a desperate whore"

"Shut up, It's because you weren't doing that good of a job so I had to take control" you struggled trying not to moan

"Is that so? Hah~ then let me make it up to you since I'm oh so sorry" He flipped you over again, this time pinning your arms above your head as he thrusted deeper into you making you slip out a loud moan

He smiles "You just didn't like me on top, huh? You didn't like how good my cock feels?" He teases you

You looked away from embarrassment and quietly said "Too.. deep- mmn~"

He smiles "Just be honest and say nobody has ever made you feel this good~"

You gave him a fiery look "Mmn~ Shut up and just fuck me"

He didn't like this attitude of yours and decided to just suddenly cock warm himself.

"Idiot, what are you doing?" You asked

"I just thought it'd be nice to hear you beg~ "

"Uh- there's no way" you gave him a disgusted look

He then does 4 deep, fast thrusts into you making you want more and whimper "Come on, tell me you want it~" he says in a low voice and a smirk

You grumbled and looked away. It took you a couple seconds to say something "please...don't stop"

"Hmm? Say it louder~" his smirk becomes wider

You looked at him with an angry look holding back from slapping him. You hate to admit it, but he really was the only man who's ever actually pleased you "please don't stop. I want more" you said trying not to sound too vulgar

He smiles and begins to fuck you relentlessly. His cock hitting deep inside you while throbbing. You both gasp a moan. His grip on your wrists tightened more as you arched your back. Your breasts becoming more perky and drawing his attention

"S-shit hah~ I guess your good with at least one thing" he groans

You started to smirk "Your throbbing so much mmn~ do I make you feel that good~?" You taunted

He then puts a hand around your throat as a way to shut you up, making you tightened more around him

He pants "Your about to cum aren't you?"

"Not even close" you managed to say

He tilts his head "Then this shouldn't be a problem for you"

His thrusts become animalistic and rough, hitting your g-spot which felt like every millisecond. You felt a huge wave of pleasure wash over you and felt your climax coming rapidly "AAH~! F-fuck- w-wait~!"You then came on his cock as you moaned loudly. Twitching and clenching around him.

He smiled while his cock throbbed "look at that~ cumming all over my cock? Ngh~ Didn't you just say I wasn't any good?"

You couldn't even form a sentence and just moaned loudly from over stimulation. Your pitiful moans drove him over the edge. He hated how amazing you felt and how he found his release so quickly "Fuck... Ngh~ fucking shit~!" He moans

With a couple more thrusts, he pulled out of you and came all over your body with a loud groan. His cum was on your stomach, chest, and face. You almost wanted to smirk at how much he came from having sex with you, but you were still calming down from your own climax, too out of breath to make a snarky comment

He smirks while panting "You look prettier with my cum all over you"

You looked at him "I liked you better when you were moaning loudly like a little bitch"

He laughs "That's rich coming from you~"

"Fuck you"

He chuckles "Feel free to come back anytime if you want more~"

"Why on earth would I ever want more from you? Oh I see.. it's you who wants more"

"Only temporarily obviously... Don't act like you don't like the idea of it, princess~"

💚RANPO💚

You and Ranpo almost had the same relationship as him and Poe. They're rivals yet enjoy each other's company. Like Poe you tried to find ways to surpass Ranpo but instead you try to become a better detective. You know it might be impossible, but it's your goal. It was like you and Ranpo were constantly in a competition without hating each other completely. You actually quite liked eachother, but you didn't want to admit that.

One night things escalated and one thing led to another.You were both on a bed as you rode Ranpo's cock. His hands were stuck to your waist and your hands were on his chest to keep you balanced. You were both in pure bliss, moaning and whimpering from the sweet sensation.

"Yea~ so good~ mmn~! More~" Ranpo moaned while throwing his head back

"Its good to know that I can at least put you in this state- mmn~! I'm the only one who can make you like this~" you teased

He just kept whimpering. His hands that were on your waist were trembling from ecstasy. You softly chuckle "Who knew that the world's greatest detective could be such a whimpering mess~"

He slowly starts to smirk "And no other man has ever felt this good huh~? Hah~ It pretty obvious"

You were taken aback from his blunt words. "Ah~! I can say the same when I'm also the only one who's made you like this~" he says while smiles

He sat up by using his elbows to get a better look at you. His tone was deep as he teased you "Don't act so high and mighty~ ngh~!"

You scoff and look down. You hated how right he always was, but then an idea came to your mind. You realized that if there's one thing that makes Ranpo weak it's praise, so you decided to use that against him

You spoke "Your one to talk.. your lucky you feel amazing~"

You saw Ranpo gulp and blush. He smiled softly from the comment. You decided to keep going. You made him sit up to wrap your arms around him and to moan in his ear. Your hand gently pulling on his hair "Your doing such a good job~ ngh~! Such a good boy~ ah~! I can't get enough of you~ mnn~! Your so big and deep~"

You felt his cock throb violently. His whimpers became more loud. It turned you on how you were becoming too much for him to handle. He laid his chin on your shoulder while moaning uncontrollably.

You chuckled gently "The simplest words are enough to drive you crazy~ it's so cute~ yet pathetic" you kissed his ear, making him twitch

He chuckle gently while looking at you "What's pathetic is that you did this expecting me to beg for more of you in the future, but the truth is it's you who will beg for me"

You looked at him offended until he spoke again "Don't be so upset it's not like I'm complaining- ngh~! Not one bit~!"He whispers in your ear "You do feel amazing~ this is the best I've ever felt"

His praise made you crazy. Your cunt twitched as you whimpered against his neck. He smiles "I see even the simplest words make you crazy too"

You began to jump faster on his cock. Both of you moaned louder as you both felt your orgasms coming quickly "Y-yeah~ I'm so close~ i-im going to- ah~! So close~!" Ranpo moaned

"Me too~! Mmn~! Keep going~!"

You both held onto eachother tightly. The sensation was undescribable and incomparable to anything you both have ever felt in your lives. With a few deep, fast thrusts. Ranpo whimpered extremely loudly as he came inside you. His whole body trembling an insane amount. His whimper instantly made you cum with him. Your cunt tightly squeezing the cum out of him and covering his cock with your cum.

While still holding onto eachother you both laid limp onto the bed. Your head on his chest. You could hear his heart beat rapidly. You were both panting heavily and slowly becoming sleepy

"We can do this again tomorrow" Ranpo said in a soft voice

You looked at him shocked but deep down you were happy. He smirks "I already knew you were going to ask so"

You pushed yourself off him "Fuck off"

He laughs while playfully poking your cheek over and over again "Just admit it! your obsessed with me~"

You slapped his hand away while blushing "Fuck you!"

💜FYODOR💜

Your from the ADA and somehow you've found your enemy to be attractive. You hated yourself for it, but the heart wants what it wants. You and Fyodor had an interesting relationship. He too also found you attractive and fascinating, but that didn't stop you from trying to put the guy in jail or him trying to eliminate you.

One night you were fed up and it lead you to finding him in the middle of the night for a hookup. He gave in easily which surprised you, but then again nobody really knows Fyodor, maybe he only agreed because it was part of some plan he has.

You were both on a bed. Fyodor was on top of you as he heavenly fucked you. Your arms wrapped around his neck and his hands on your hips. If he really wanted to, he would kill you in one second, but you just felt too good he couldn't bring himself to do it. His cock hit all your sweet spots and your wet, tight cunt perfectly rubbed his dick.

Your soft moans were music to his ears"My, my, someone sure is enjoying themselves, hm~?" Fyodor smirks

You clenched his hair "Your one to talk- ah~ your twitching so much agh~ I don't think any woman has ever touched you"

"hmm~ I don't sleep around like you, dear~"

Your eyebrows furrowed "I'm not a slut- mmn~" you moaned while arching your back

He chuckles "It seems like you are for me~ coming to my door and begging like one ah~"

You grumbled "Shut up- mph~"

He then used his thumb to rub your clit. You moaned louder and instinctively wrapped your legs around his body to push him deeper inside you, making you tighter "Your really clamping down ngh~ do I make you feel that good~?" He teases

You looked away in embarrassment "Use your words" he whispers in your ear tauntingly

You didn't respond. He shrugs his shoulders "If that's how you want to play, then..." His thrusts became faster and rough. His cock hitting deep inside you and feeling amazing. You moan louder. He tried to hide his moans and all you felt was his cock throbbing more.

You felt your climax coming quickly"I- I'm gonna- ah~! slow d-down~!" You held onto his shoulder tightly Just as you were about to cum, Fyodor pulled himself out. You looked at him confused

He smiles sinisterly "Beg for it, dear~ just like how you did earlier today"

You scoffed "You really think I'd beg for you?"

"Judging by the way your body quivers, and how you wrap your arms and legs around me. I'd say you will"

Your eye twitched. He brought his face coser to yours. Your foreheads almost touching He tilted his head to the side slightly "No man has ever made you feel this grand~"

You chuckle "I bet you didn't even think sex would feel this good, mudak"

(Translation: asshole )

"Hm? I guess we're done here then" he was getting up to leave, but you grabbed his wrist. His eyes looking at your face that was in defeat

You grumbled as you looked down "Please..Fuck me. Please don't stop"

He held your chin to make you look at him "Why should I?"

"B-because... It feels good" you said trying not to sound disgusted

He smiled widely. All of a sudden he plunged his cock inside you again. You both moaned in satisfaction from the pleasure of being one again. He continues his fast, rough pace. Somehow the pleasure being more intense than before. You loudly moaned from the sensation. You felt your orgasm approaching again

"Ngh~! look at you screaming for me~ let's do it together shall we?" Fyodor grunts

You couldn't form sentences. The more Fyodor looked at the state he's put you in, the faster he felt his climax coming. You both couldn't hold on any longer from the pleasure

He gripped your hips harshly "Ngh~! T-trakhni menya~" he grunted before he came deep inside you

(Translation: Fuck me)

The instant you felt your cunt being filled by his hot cum, you came with him while moaning. Your bodies were only washed over by ecstacy. Twitching and breathing heavily was all you two could do. He looked down to your cum filled cunt "Kak chudesno.. taking it all in" he groans softly

(Translation: how wonderful )

A few seconds after he said that, he pulled out of you and plopped next to you trying to catch his breath. You looked at him while panting "Don't look so pleased.. you look pathetic when you cum"

He chuckles and smirks at you "If I recall, you were the one that was begging for me twice tonight. Seems hypocritical, don't you think?"

You looked at him irritated. You knew he was right. You protested "Well this is the first and last time we'll ever do this"

He got closer to your face and in a deep voice, he said "unfortunately, we both know that's not the case"

💙ATSUSHI💙

You were part of the Mafia and Atsushi was part of the ADA. You two have fought eachother every once in awhile, but something about him made you soft, maybe it's because he's actually very sweet, but there's no way you'd ever admit to that. He always got in the way of your plans and it frustrated the hell out of you

Not like he thought of you any different. He didn't like how much of a horrible person you can be, but sometimes he's seen a soft side of you that he believe can be turned into good. You both just found each other fascinating and irritating, yet here you are on a bed.

You were both naked. He was on top of you with his forehead on your shoulder. He thrusted into you at a normal speed, almost tender and soft but he still hit the deepest parts of you. Your wet cunt soaked his cock and made it easy for him to slip in and out of you. One of your arms were in his hair and the other on his back. You both moaned from the pleasure

"Mmn~! W-we shouldn't be doing this- ah~!" He moans against your skin.

He looked worried, but he was just overwhelmed by the pleasure

"Yea, but it's too late to back out now Mmn~! it feels good, doesn't it~?" You responded, tilting your head slightly to get a better look at him

His grip tightened on the sheets "Y-yeah it feels ah~! A-amazing~! But- ngh~!"

"We can stop if you want- ah~ it's just I'll be unsatisfied mmn~"

He moves his head away from your shoulder to get a better look at you "N-no, I can't stop now~ mph~! Even if I wanted to~"

His thrusts became faster making you both moan in ecstasy as you reach closer to your climaxes"Why? Ngh~! Why you out of all people? Ah~" he asks mostly to himself

You scoffed "Mmn~! I ask myself the same thing"

"You've killed and tortured mmn~ yet I can't bring myself to stop~!" He was clearly feeling some type of guilt, but the body wants what it wants

You responded "Not like your any better- ngh~ your such a pushover agh~ your so fucking sensitive" you paused for a second before finishing your sentence "B-but I just can't stay away~ ngh~"

He looks into your eyes slightly surprised. He knows you have a soft spot and he wishes you brought it out more. His thrusts became needy and more vulgar. His thighs slapping against your thighs, hitting your g-spot over and over. You arched your back as you clawed his skin

He felt his release "I c-can't hold it anymore~ ah~! too good~! I-im- ngh~ something's coming~!" He moaned loudly

You held tightly onto him "Just like that~ i-im going to cum~!"

A few more strokes into your wet, warm cunt. He didn't want to make a mess on your body he pulled out and came onto his hand with a loud whimper. His hand was covered in so much of his own cum and you wished it was all over you or maybe even filling up inside you. You came right after him while moaning.

You both stood still in place panting heavily. Atsushi looks at his hand and clean it up with a tissue that's by the bed. He gave some to you too.After you cleaned yourselves up, you looked at him while blushing "Do you mind if I come back tomorrow?"

He jolts slightly from the question and looks away "We shouldn't, but.." he gulps before looking at you "Yeah, I'd like that"

🧡CHUUYA🧡

You knew Chuuya by working long enough at the ADA to learn about him. You knew he was part of the Mafia and his ability, but you both had a difficult relationship. You both didn't hate eachother, but it was hard to get along. You don't know why or how y'all started to fight with each other so often, but it's a regular thing. Regardless of your relationship, you found eachother attractive and thus found yourselves hooking up on this night.

You were both on the bed. Chuuya was on top of you as he thrusted roughly into you. At this rate when you wake up tomorrow you won't even be able to close your legs. Your arms were clawing his back which he found such a turn on. You both moaned from the euphoric sensation

"D-damnit it~ why are you so tight for, huh?" He struggled to say without moaning

You chuckle "Heh~ you can't handle me or what, bitch-? AH!"

Chuuya suddenly sunk his teeth into your neck to shut your snarky comment. You tightened from the bite and he twitched "Agh~ It seems like your the one that can't handle me"

You pull his hair roughly making him moan loudly "Ngh~! F-fucking hell!"

His pace became faster which made you squirm a bit and moan. He held your hips still with his hands "D-dont squirm so much! you'll make me- ngh~!" He moans

You smirk "Your throbbing so much Chuuya~ what's the matter? Mmn~ Does it feel that good~?" You taunted

He grumbles "Shut up ngh~ your literally soaking the sheets"

You decided to flip over and get on top of him "Hey! Who said you could- NGH~!"

You cut off his sentence by jumping on his cock. He gripped harshly on your hips as he closed his eyes tightly from the sensual pleasure

"Mmn~ You look kinda cute like this, Chuuya~" you moaned looking down at his pathetic state

His eyebrows furrowed as he grumbled "Ah~ don't ever call me that"

"Fine mnn~ your adorable~" you poked his cheek

His cheeks blushed red as he suddenly flipped you over and got back on top of you. His thrusts were vulgar and deep. You both moaned loudly. The bed shook violently. Your arms were wrapped around eachother. Your arched your back when you felt his cock hit your g-spot and moaned loudly

He smirks "Screaming from my cock~? Fuck~ so fucking good~ seems like your actually good at something"

You digged your nails into his shoulders "I-im gonna- ah~!" You moaned

His eyes were drunk with pleasure "Yeah~? me too ngh~ where do you want it?"

You grunted "O-outside, you idiot- mmn~!"

After a couple deep thrusts he pulled out and stroked his cock, shooting hot, sticky cum all over your body with a loud grunt. You saw his cock throbbed aggressively as it squirted cum. The sight alone made you cum with him. Your body twitched as you moaned from your release

You were both breathing heavily. He plopped next to you and got some napkins from the table next to the bed and gave them to you to clean yourself. You both laid there and stared at the ceiling still trying to calm down from the climax

"We're never doing that, again" Chuuya pants

"Fuck no. Never again" you responded

What a god damn lie

💛SIGMA💛

You and Sigma know each other for being part of the Decay of Angels and didn't really get along. Sigma had a hard time trusting people especially since you were part of the Decay of Angels. Right from the beginning he never fully trusted you and because of that he was very distant and cold towards you

You weren't any different though. You were also being used for the decay of angels and didn't really trust Sigma. The relationship between you two was secretly hating the other with no real reason, but one day you were both really frustrated and needed a distraction

It kind of just happened yet you couldn't really understand how it happened when you were both on the couch naked. You were straddling him while jumping on his cock. His hands were caressing your thighs. Your hands were in his hair sometimes pulling it and making him groan. Your tight, wet, warm cunt rubbed his cock addictively as you kept jumping on it. The tip of his cock hitting the deepest parts of your pussy. It felt amazing

Sigma looks down to see his cock slide in and out of you "Ah~! f-fuck~ j-just like that~" he moans

"So good~ I didn't expect you to be this amazing~" you responded while arching your back

He furrows his eyebrows "S-shut up~ mmn~ I know your just fucking with me mph~ using me as a toy"

You looked into his eyes "So are you- ngh~ don't act all innocent agh~! your loving this aren't you?"

He looked slightly stunned for a second "W-well.. ngh~! I guess we're both even- ah~!"

Suddenly your pace became faster. His cock throbbing aggressively as his whole body twitched from every touch from you "Your so sensitive~ mnn~! have you never been touched before~?" You asked teasingly

He blushed more and looked down "W-why would it matter? Your talking too much- ngh~!"

You wrapped your arms around his neck "Don't be so embarrassed~ ah~ it's actually pretty cute~" you smirked

He became embarrassed "C-cute? I said to s-shut up didnt I?"

He was tired of hearing your talk, after all, he just wanted a distraction. You listened to his small request and stopped talking. You thought of a kinky idea and decided to cover his eyes with your hands. He couldn't see, but he focused more on the pleasure of your cunt. He let out a loud whimper and unintentionally used his hands to move your hips faster. His cock throbbed and ached as he felt his climax coming

"A-ah~! Mmn~ f-faster~!" He moaned while his head fell back exposing his throat more

You moaned more from the quick pace and smirked by how cute he was "So lewd~ ah~!"

"G-gonna c-cum~! Don't stop~!" He whimpered loudly

You kept doing with what you were doing also feeling your climax coming. After a few more thrusts, Sigma gasps before cumming deep inside you with a loud whimper and digging his nails into your skin. You tugged on his hair when you felt his cock shoot cum, making you cum with him and moaned. Both of you quivering from the insane amount of pleasure rushing throughout your body.

You laid limp against him and roved your hand from his eyes. Both of you were breathing heavily. You moved your head slightly to get a better look at his face

"If you ever need another release don't be afraid to come to me" you quietly said

He looks down at you with blushed cheeks. He stared into your eyes with a small amount of worry for awhile before gulping and responding. He nodded "Alright"

[yawnderu]

Currently obsessed with dbf!Keegan... like just imagine the scary dog privileges that come with having this man around. He doesn't even wear the balaclava or eyeblack when he's out, but just his creepy ass 🔵🔵 eyes are enough to scare off anyone who even looks your way. Like okay, we see them son. You can blink now.

And don't even get me started on how annoying this man would be. Pulling your hair to annoy you, flipping you off, pushing you out of the way and looking over his shoulder with the most annoying shit-eating grin that makes you want to actually punch him dead in the windpipe. Not to mention he'd totally see you struggling to open a jar and go "allow me" just to tighten it up more.

Absolute nightmare driver. He may take you out everywhere, but no one is an atheist when Keegan is driving and you really want to tell him, but he always keeps his gun on him.💀

BUT despite all the banter, his protective instincts kick in super easily with you. Someone is mean mugging you? He's glaring back. Someone says anything mean to you? He'll deal with it. God help any man who tries to flirt with you or catcalls you. He teaches you how to defend yourself since he won't always be there to protect you, often deployed in missions. I can also see him teaching you how to shoot a gun, just in case you ever need to. He takes you to a random field and teaches you the basics, and once you're confident enough, maybe he even takes you hunting.

I can see the dad being a disabled veteran who served with Keegan(?) simply happy to have some help with you, knowing Keegan can take you places and do things he can't do anymore. Despite you being an adult, I'm a sucker for father-daughter fluff, so the dad has def cried in secret whenever you show him new things you learnt or show him pictures of places Keegan took you to. Of course, he's not excluded, always hosting dinners and BBQs in the house whenever Keegan is back, and trying to join both of you if possible.

Keegan is like an annoying older brother, the type of man who makes you believe murder should be legal, yet you still deeply care for. He doesn't keep any things on him that may be linked to your father or you in fears of him being a ghost putting you in danger, but he has a bunch of polaroids in a safe in his house, which he looks at whenever he's off base and feeling down.

Speaking of pictures, you totally forced him to get into a photo booth with you and he now keeps the fucking ugliest pictures ever, threatening to ask a ghost to hack into your account and post them whenever you're being too annoying.

IF things ever go further between both of you, you can count on this man to slonk your shit silly style like sloppy swag. This man has a lot of pent-up frustration, which he only takes out on you after making sure you're okay with it.

He's a bully. Stops thrusting when you're feeling good just to hear you whine, thrusting painfully slow until you're begging for more.

There's definitely guilt when it comes to being intimate with you, despite you being in your mid-20s, you're the daughter of his best friend. It feels wrong, so he makes up for it by treating you extra good. You got spoiled before, but now? Prepare for the most extra and expensive gifts you never even thought about. He earns good money, and has plenty of savings just in case. He's still annoying, though.

[triflesandparsnips]

So I understand that there are Good Omens show fans who have never read Good Omens the book, and that makes me deeply sad because--

Like, there's so much depth to the story being told about humans and humanity and the choice between good and evil -- and how that's actually a false dichotomy whoooops -- WHILE ALSO not really being about Aziraphale and Crowley at all (who are, imo, basically there as embodiments of "Impressive Failures" for the purposes of Theme and also Plot).

BUT IF you want to know why I've shipped them since the book-- here's the moment it happened for wee teenage me:

Wednesday (before the end of the world)

So it's Warlock's birthday party. And there are all these children and security guards and also an angel doing magic tricks while a demon is disguised as a caterer. This bit is basically the same as the show, so hooray.

But as wee me understood the characters up to this point, they were still basically enemies who had been in the field together for way too long and knew each other's moves well enough for the same tempting/thwarting of one another to become kind of boring and repetitive and generally pointless-- particularly once they realized that they could, for instance, just live their (separate!) lives watching humans being weird (Crowley) and seeking various sensory stuff (Aziraphale) while doing the least work necessary to keep their respective bosses off their backs.

The Arrangement was borne not out of hiding a friendship or anything, but instead the realization that sometimes covering for one another would just... cut down on their total overall workload. They were, at best, employees of two different, competitive companies-- though in same kind of department, doing the same kind of work-- who discovered they liked to have lunch at the same deli and that their jobs were sometimes distressingly more similar than either was comfortable with.

SO ANYWAY. BACK TO THAT WEDNESDAY. They're not covering for one another with this whole Antichrist thing-- they're now actively collaborating, and they've acknowledged (mostly) that it's not to cut down on their individual workloads, but rather to preserve their identical-- but not shared (not yet)-- goals of Getting To Continue The Lives On Earth They've Grown To Enjoy.

But like-- still not friends. Not really.

Until Aziraphale fucks up a bit, Warlock accidentally gets hold of a security guard's weapon and starts waving it around, and:

Then someone threw some jelly at Warlock. The boy squeaked, and pulled the trigger of the gun. It was a Magnum .32, CIA issue, gray, mean, heavy, capable of blowing a man away at thirty paces, and leaving nothing more than a red mist, a ghastly mess, and a certain amount of paperwork. Aziraphale blinked. A thin stream of water squirted from the nozzle and soaked Crowley, who had been looking out the window, trying to see if there was a huge black dog in the garden. Aziraphale looked embarrassed. Then a cream cake hit him in the face.

My teenage brain exploded at this moment.

BECAUSE: there is no reason for Aziraphale to do that.

Work-wise: If he got shot, Crowley would get discorporated, but not die-- and anyway, it would happen in such a way that both of them could explain it away easily to their respective sides (and possibly even be commended for it!).

Collaboration-wise: If Crowley had been watching Aziraphale, and if he'd seen Aziraphale have the chance to change the gun but not do it-- then yeah, probably that would've been annoying enough to have warranted some chilly conversations once he came back topside, and therefore, Aziraphale choosing to save Crowley could've been a reasonable, logical choice to keep their working relationship on an even keel until they'd sorted out this Doomsday thing.

But Crowley was looking the other way.

Work-wise, it doesn't make sense-- and secret-collaboration-wise, it doesn't make sense-- and so it is, overall, really weird that Aziraphale saved him.

But his automatic reaction-- in a blink-- is to stop Crowley from getting shot. And he knows it's weird-- he feels embarrassed that his sudden, unthinking reaction is to save his "enemy".

And the final bit is just a couple paragraphs later:

With a gesture, Aziraphale turned the rest of the guns into water pistols as well, and walked out.

SO LOOK: He changed only the pistol about to shoot Crowley. His automatic reaction had nothing to do with saving a party full of humans, many of them children-- nothing to do with Heaven or Hell-- nothing to do with preserving the coworker he needs to stop Armageddon--

It was all to do with saving Crowley. Who may be the enemy, but he's Aziraphale's enemy. And another part of his life on Earth that he's doing all of this just to preserve.

Which may also be, for the first time, the moment he lets himself realize how important Crowley in particular is to him.

...and so anyway, that's how I started shipping these two immortal idiots, and one of many reasons why everyone should read the book.

[kalliyen]

Streamer Luck 🍀

Pairing: Wanderer x GN!Reader

Featuring: Wanderer (Genshin Impact)

Genre: Fluff, Modern AU

Summary: Streamer Wander drabbles lmao enjoy <33

Reader’s Pronouns: They/Them

Warning: wanderer (just brace yourself) bro is actually astronomically down bad, sorry id there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes i am delirious rn

Disclaimer: ⚠️ ONLY A WORK OF FICTION!

i. ‘wym you’re not single and rotting in a basement?’

Wanderer has been playing for hours on end, you could barely keep up with it.

He hasn’t come out of his room for hours and you were starting to get worried about his appetite, and his emotional well being.

Because you were such a good and doting partner, you decided to make Wanderer’s fave dish, and deliver it to his room.

Knocking on his door, he lets out a brief hum, signaling that it was good to come in. Careful not to get to close to the camera, not wanting to reveal yourself to his audience just yet.

Chat noticed the presence of another person in the room, and immediately bombarding Wanderer with questions like “who tf is that???” and “where did they spawn from???”

“Darling you’ve been streaming for 6 hours, take a break and eat first okay? Just call me when you need anything else.” You state, trying to resist giving him a peck on the lips.

Your boyfriend pauses his game, looks at you, then chat, and decides to pull your waist to his level to give you not one peck, but multiple.

Taken aback but not at all surprised from your boyfriend’s sudden show of affection, you lean into the kiss, missing the feel of his lips on yours.

Chat absolutely EXPLODES when they saw that, but Wanderer did not give two shits, and decided to kiss your hand, while deeply looking into your eyes

“Thanks Honey, I’ll take a break and eat this, thank you so much for looking out for me :)”

“No problem darl, just come out when I call you for dinner okay?” “Yes honey” And with that you leave the room, leaving Wanderer with him and his chat

He scans the messages, multiple times he sees “SO DOWN BAD LMAOO” and “did u kidnap them or something to take are of you”

A little irked at chat, he angrily replies “No I am NOT down bad (he is) and NO I did not kidnap them. They’re my partner. Why is that so hard to believe?”

ii. honey face reveal when?

Ever since you’ve made your existence known to Wanderer’s fan base they’ve been calling you Honey, mostly mocking him about the nickname he has for you. (they do find it cute tho fr)

They tell him to bring you into the stream more, saying that they missed your voice and your sweet personality, honestly they don’t give a fuck about him no more they just wanna see you

Wanderer gets annoyed (again, this man is always mad at his chat somehow), and says that he can’t force you to show yourself to them, which his chat respects.

“Also their sweetness and cuteness is for me only, not my fault that you guys are lonely and don’t have a partner. Imagine that, what a massive L” he says to his chat, and they start arguing with him again. (someone save his fan base)

iii. HONEY REVEALLL !!!!!

Seeing that your boyfriend’s fans really liked you, you decided to tell Wanderer that you’re finally comfortable with sharing your face to the internet, which he was really happy with. Because god he really wanted to show of the love of his life to the world, and smash it in their faces that only he could have you.

You suggest to him that you do a cute little baking stream together as your face reveal, and he couldn’t deny the adorable smile on your face while suggesting it to him, so of course he obliged.

While he was setting up the cameras and you were setting up the ingredients you felt really nervous, thoughts of ‘what if they don’t like me?’ plagued your mind, and Wanderer sensed your uneasy demeanor. He came up to you and gave you a kiss that meant ‘don’t be nervous honey, i’ll always be here for you.’

He turns the stream on and immediately people start to come in, surprised at the change of scenery.

‘Wanderer doesn’t live in his basement confirmed?!?!’ a TTS message read, and he gave the camera a glare

Chat immediately noticed you and started chanting “HONEY!” “OH MY GOD ITS HONEY FINALLY”

You gave a meek wave to the camera, still a bit nervous, but with Wanderer’s hand on your waist you knew you had nothing to worry about.

“Hello everyone,,,,I’m y/n, you probably know me as ‘honey’ and i’m…..wanderer’s partner” you say with small smile on your face, eyes turning into small slits

In conclusion, the stream was a success and chat was absolutely smitten with you.

bonus: iv. Honey takes over the channel 😱

Now that you’ve gotten more comfortable showing yourself on stream, you sometimes played games with Wanderer too, like co-op in this game called Genshin or other games that allowed two person players.

Sometimes, you even started streams yourself whenever you wanted to share something to his audience, or get advice from them when you start a new game.

Wanderer of course sees these streams and he just has the lovey dovey-est smile in the world, you swear you saw his eyes turn into hearts.

Damn, his streamer luck is insane.

[barrackspredator]

patrick hockstetter x naive fem reader? 😋

this has been in my inbow for about a year. TW: Patrick, mocking religion, Patrick gets his own second warning

The Pastor's Daughter

Patick x Fem!Reader Patrick Hockstter is God.

In his own head, of course.

However, before he is a part-time self-proclaimed god, he is also the son of Patricia "Trisha" Hockstetter, Derry's most devout Baptist.

And while he could usually get away with skipping out on Sunday mass, this one was different. A new pastor was being brought into the church as the last pastor had gone to the pearly gates, and Trisha, eager to push her son closer to God, forced him to go with her.

After a long morning of arguing, Patrick was forced into his Sunday best, booted into the car, and forced to follow his grinning mother down the aisle. Aside from the laughable idea of there being other gods, Patrick's least favorite part about church was entering to take a seat. The judgmental stares, the hushed whispers, the blearing white. It was enough to drive him insane. He idly gazed through the crowd of phony-worshippers, grinning pridefully whenever somebody would look his way in stunned horror—which was often.

Finally stopping at the second pew, his mother ushered him in, a beaming smile on her face despite the mischievous glint in her eyes. Patrick noted this, quirking his eyebrow at her.

"What?" he mouthed as he sat down, partially sitting on something. "Nothing," she whispered, unable to hide her smile.

"Excuse me?" A quiet voice whispered from beside Patrick. "I don't mean to bother you, sir, but you're sitting on my purse."

Patrick rolled his eyes, turning in annoyance. "Then yank it." He paused, staring at the girl before him. Your eyes widened in surprise, your cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

"Oh, my apologies. I didn't realize... I thought you were a sir." You sheepishly laughed at your mistake, assuming Patrick was an older man. He stared at you, his eyes narrowing as he dissected every inch of you. Your eyes, your smile, your hair—the imaginary halo that glowed above your head.

"I am a sir," he growled, thinking you thought he was a girl.

"O-Oh? Really? Wow, you look so young!" You smiled wide, amazed by how young this "sir" looked.

"... Uh, yeah. I'm fucking 15, idiot." Patrick felt a sharp jab in his ribs, making him double over. He glared at his mom, who sneered at him until he turned back to face the girl. "My bad," he grumbled. The look of shock on your face was enough to make him smirk in amusement. Perhaps the most amused he'd ever felt in church.

"It's okay," you whispered. Your eyes were downcast as you tried to hold back a giggle. "You are very funny, uh... what is your name? Perhaps calling you sir would be weird as we are the same age." You looked back up into Patrick's eyes.

"Patrick." Another jab. "Hockstetter!" He glanced back at his mother, deeply annoyed with her antics. "Patrick Hockstter," he breathed out, placing his hand over his aching ribs.

You giggled politely, covering your mouth as you did. "Well, it's lovely to meet you, Patrick. I'm-"

"The pastor's daughter, right?" Mrs. Hockstetter interjected, taking you by surprise. You hesitated a few seconds before nodding your head. Patrick slowly turned his head to look at his mother as her plan clicked in his head. Did she really think the pastor's daughter would be a good influence on him? The thought was laughable. But this god had his own plan—to humor his mother. To get even.

He turned back to you with a charming smile. Well, as charming as he could pull off. "It's lovely to meet you," he said, taking your hand in his and gently pressing a kiss on your knuckle, enjoying how your eyes shot open. Church was suddenly starting to feel very entertaining for this god.

But of course, your father had to ruin the fun when he came out to begin his sermon and the choir started. You hesitated to pull your hand away, your eyes lingering on his until he turned away. Patrick only pulled away to hide his smirk, though. He didn't give a shit about the sermon, or the choir, or whatever the fuck his future father-in-law was spewing.

For that full hour, he sat there plotting. Every move of his had to be calculated, and they were. Glances here and there, brushing his hand against yours, gently thumbing your skin whenever it was time to join hands. And from every move blossomed a new splotch of red on your cheeks, which appeased him greatly. Even his mother looked pleased, and it took Patrick every bone in his body to not laugh at her failure of a plan. Oh, how he was going to make her look like such a fool!

By the end of mass, Patrick had you wrapped around his twisted, kind of fucked up, burnt finger. And with this newfound power, he got himself a date with the pastor's daughter at the junkyard.

To his mother's surprise, Patrick left mass with a big goofy smile on his face, giddy as he thought of the fridge he was going to show you on Friday night.

[bucca2]

okay not to wax poetic about a minor side character in Skyrim that annoys the fuck out of most people, but it really does sadden me that most people are like “he’s annoying, kill him!” and then do no self reflection on the fact that they only killed him because of a petty personal gripe and because they were sent to do so by a power tripping traitor who LATER ALSO TRIES TO KILL THE LISTENER THEMSELVES.

For a long time I’ve had Thoughts™ on the phenomenon of Gamers (derogatory) who treat any NPC who is even slightly an inconvenience with disproportionate and often violent vitriol, but this post is already getting long. General musings on the tragedy of Cicero’s character and how it’s objectively the wrong choice to kill him below.

Thanks to my partner @wrenanigans I’ve had reason to re-examine Cicero’s character, and his past just makes me so deeply sad. Of course, his journals only cover DB-related events, so maybe he had a personal life he just didn’t write about, but it kind of struck both of us that he feels the loss of his fellow DB members so keenly and yet never really mentions any personal relationships outside of obligation to his fellow assassins. (i.e no family or lovers pre-insanity when he was a normal, extremely capable man) Like of course he went insane. The organization that was his entire life’s purpose not only promoted him to a position where he could no longer do what he joined them to do, but then he watched the organization dissolve around him and all his friends be slaughtered.

Then he was alone with the Night Mother waiting for her to talk to someone and give him direction for eight fucking years!!! Of course he went completely off the deep end! If I was isolated, paranoid (but is it paranoia if they’re actually out to get you?) and constantly on survival mode for that long, I’d be relieved if being a little quirky and doing little dances was the extent of my deviant behavior! (The murder comes with being in the Dark Brotherhood, so I don’t wanna hear any whining about him being stabby. Murder isn’t OK if the Dragonborn does it, but suddenly immoral if people you don’t like do it. In video games.)

I think for most people who don’t put much thought into Cicero and his actions, they just vaguely think “oh, Cicero betrayed the family and tried to kill Astrid, so killing him is justified irrespective of her later betraying us”, which is simply not true. There’s a very interesting post I saw floating around lately about how you can’t treat religion in fantasy worlds like TES the same way you would with religious groups IRL, because in TES there is tangible proof that gods exist, and they can and will fuck with the mortal world for their own whims. The point of the DB quest line is that the Tenets matter, and straying from them and the Night Mother almost snuffed the DB out for good. The narrative of the game explicitly justifies Cicero’s actions and QUITE LITERALLY tells you that killing Cicero is not the right call.

TES has a lot of creative interactivity with picking your own outcomes and going with your own solutions, but quests don’t usually end with “go kill this guy. but you can also spare him… ;)” They usually don’t give you an old wise dude whose spirit you can summon who tells you not to kill that clown. And then if you spare Cicero, he comes back and is a potential companion. Like…I don’t know how much more obvious it can get that you’re not supposed to kill Cicero. I get for most people it’s not that deep, but this is TES. We talk about lore here.

[summer-nights19]

Hi! I was wondering how would GOM + Takao react to their s/o having mood swings during their period like one moment their s/o is normal and the next they are angry because their ice cream isn't cold enough to eat and it's melting and they put it in freezer and when they try to eat the ice cream again it's too cold to eat and their gums hurt. Sorry if it's confusing..

Hi anon ! No worries, I think I understood the assignment (hopefully), and I symparthise with you deeply. Period mood swings are the worst :< These kinda ended up being general period comfort hcs, hope that's ok too ! Anyway, here's some comfort with the boys <33

GoM + Takao x afab reader on their period

Aomine

When he sees how annoyed you get over your ice cream being half melted, he's a little taken aback. If you guys haven't been together for very long, he'd probably tell you to calm down or be confused. However, if it's been some time, he'll figure it out quickly enough.

Will put the ice cream back in the freezer for you and bring you some hot cocoa and a hot water bottle to help you feel more relaxed and to make the cramps more bearable.

When you take the ice cream out of the freezer again and hurt your gums, he probably tries to comfort you, although he isn't good with words

Instead, he brings you some other snack, like fruits or cake, and lets you snuggle with him.

Initially, he tries to get you to do a light work out with him to make the pain better, even if you aren't particularly athletic

Will definitely massage your uterus area and shoulders to help you relax, as well as stroke and kiss you all over (he's really good at it too)

Might make a joke about how orgasms are the best way to relieve period pains, but if you're in a truly terrible mood, he'll hold his tongue.

Still teases you, though he'll stop and apologize if you seem genuinely upset

Will make sure anyone who gives you grief or makes your mood swings worse regrets it really quickly

doesn't have pads in the bathroom for you but will happily go out to the store and get you anything you need

Still takes baths with you and will wash your hair and massage you in the bathtub- doesn't really give a fuck about the blood

"What size pussy do you have, babe ?"

Kise

When he sees how quickly your mood changes as a result of the ice cream being half melted, he figures it out pretty much right away.

He'll hug you and run his hands down your back, while reassuring you that it's not that serious, and that you can always eat something else. Puts the ice cream back in the freezer and comes up with skincare, makeup, candles, magazines... all the essentials for a self care night ! (If you ask nicely, he'l even let you do his makeup- he secretly loves it)

Lets you choose what show to watch and chats with you about anything and everything as you have your self care night with the show in the background

When you get the ice cream from the freezer again and your gums start to hurt, he'll kiss you better

Also strikes me as the kinda guy who would keep pads/tampons in his bathroom for you

Akashi

This man can pretty much sense when you're on your period, it's actually kinda unsettling

Anyway, as soon as he realizes you're having a bad day with your mood swings, he'll start treating you like royalty (even more so than normal)

Suggests that you eat something else and comes back with some warm noodles

He gives you massages all over- thighs, back, shoulders... all while reassuring you that you'll figure everything out, that it just seems like a massive deal now

Promises you that you can take one of his eyes if he ends up being wrong (yea this man is really something else)

Will bring you candles/flowers and just snuggle with you quietly as you rest

Happily listens to you vent if you feel the need to

Will be happy to help with any schoolwork you have due

Will personally see to it that anyone who tries bother you is too scared to talk to you ever again.

Like Kise, he also keeps pads in the bathroom for you

Murasakibara

Doesn't realize you're on your period until your cramps and mood swings get really bad

He's not particularly good at comforting you when you're in a bad mood, but he'll carry you upstairs to his bed and snuggle with you. He'll even get out of bed to get you a hot water bottle and some hot chocolate

Gives you one of his hoodies to sleep in. It's way too big for you and he thinks you look adorable in it

Stays and snuggles with you until you feel better (you end up falling asleep with your head on his chest and your limbs intertwined)

When you wake up, he'll bring some snacks from his personal stock and share them with you

Is too lazy to go to the store to buy you pads/tampons, so he'll just call Himuro and ask him to do it

Like Akashi and Aomine, he won't take kindly to people upsetting you, especially when you're on your period.

Kuroko

He's oblivious- he understands you're in a bad mood, and wants to help, but you have to spell it out for him before he realizes that you're on your period.

He's a little shy and awkward, partially because he isn't sure about what he should do, but he very much wants to make it better

Definitely asks Kagami and the Seirin guys for advice and they all look at him like wtf

Will listen to you rant for hours on end, and will be more than happy to comfort you and give you advice

Anything you ask him to do, he does- buy pads, make you dinner, put a specific programme on the TV... he's doing it as soon as you say the word

Also very happy to massage your shoulders and uterus, even tough he isn't really sure about how to do it

Will be very careful about how he talks to you and conducts himself- he doesn't accidentally want to make it worse

Literally your number one fan if you start to doubt yourself, he's so sweet

"You always look stunning, Y/N,"

Won't snuggle with you unless you ask for it because he doesn't want to invade your personal space too much (he's such a gentleman)

Midorima

God help you

He's really really awkward about it

Figures it out relatively quickly from your mood swings but pretends he doesn't because he has no clue how to act

Like Kuroko, he's really careful about how he behaves around you because he wants to avoid pissing you off

Will try to be patient and listen to you rant nonsensically- if he knows you're having a bad day, he'll do his best to comfort you, although he's mostly the kinda guy who tries to find rational solutions to problems instead of telling you what you want to hear

Reads your zodiac chart every day and gives you advice based off of it. Also brings you a lucky item of your own if you're really feeling down (at least he tried)

However, if someone tries to mess with you, his energy completely changes and he'll make sure they don't do it again

Will buy you pads/tampons, though he'll be really awkward about it

Takao

At first he just thought you were in a bad mood, then he suddenly realised that you were probably on your period

Teases you a lot less to avoid hurting your feelings

Like Aomine, he'll probably make a joke about how orgasms are the best way to cure period cramps, but he'll shut up if you tell him to

Comforts you for hours on end wen you're down - he couldn't live with himself if he knew you were sad and he wasn't there to support you

Laughter is a medically proven medicine

Will tell you jokes and funny stories to take your mind off of the mental (and physical) pain

Also spams you with memes and tiktoks

Very happy to take it easy and just cuddle in bed while watching shitty TV

Will go to the store and buy you pads/tampons without an ounce of hesitation

Masterlist

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

as the literary analysis guy a literary analysis question for you (not really): in your opinion what are the most important traits and skills for any given riddles guy to have? aside from being green, annoying and bisexual

generally I like when he skews "unconcerned about human life but not aggressively homicidal," which I will acknowledge is a difficult needle to thread and is often an unfortunate case of "I know it when I see it. the best I can do is that I'm generally pretty fine with the Riddler dumping Batman in a trap that will 100% kill him if he can't brain his way out of it, and using civilians as bait or leaving them to be collateral damage is fine (think shit like the Riddler causing city-wide blackouts, which certainly kills people but is pretty secondary to his goal, which is Make Batman Solve My Stupid Blackout Puzzle), but I didn't like the kill happy Gotham (2014-2019) Riddler at all and I wasn't crazy about what Paul Dano was getting up to in The Batman (2022).

which I think is also because there was, like, political and ideological motivation behind it? for me, a really ideal Riddler is one who's too deeply self-interested to really give a shit about much outside of him and Batman and anyone who's like immediately in his bubble irritating him; his motives are pretty directly tied to attention seeking and pettiness and spite. like he's not checked out exactly, and I think he can be a lot closer to earth than some other rogues, but ooooh babey something in his worldview is just skewed a liiiiiiittle bit wrong, his priorities are OFF. I've talked before about how I think it's very fun when he's demonstrably smart and competent and very capable of more conventional, legal success, but he repeatedly shoots himself in the dick and gives it all up because he's too obsessed with doing riddles to Batman to prove that he's the smartest little freak in the world. and he's just... borderline incapable of seeing things from anyone else's perspective, I think it's a combination of being somewhat unable but also unwilling.

also man sorry to say it but I do love when his family just fucking hated him, RIP Edward Nygma. in his defense I do Not like when he's written going full incel, I do not think he is good at talking to women but I also don't think it needs to be a whole personality trait. I like when Echo and Query are around, I think he needs gal pals who are cooler than him :)

[dolliethv]

Love language.

summary: English is not my first language, so if you notice any mistakes I'm sorry!! where your love language with jude is pretty funny, hope you enjoy it!! Xoxo

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x fem reader!!

Word count: about 1,4k

Jude Bellingham had an overwhelming presence, both on and off the field. With his imposing height, sculpted muscles, and that inexplicable aura that made him seem almost untouchable, he intimidated anyone who crossed his path. Every time he stepped onto the pitch in his Real Madrid jersey, his dominance was evident. He was the leader, the strategist, and, in many ways, a dominant figure in every aspect of his professional life.

However, all of that faded as soon as he crossed the threshold of his home.

It was a quiet afternoon in his stylish apartment in Madrid. You, his girlfriend, were in the kitchen preparing pancakes for a cozy movie night, while Jude was in the living room, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone, sprawled out on the sofa in a relaxed posture. His height took up most of the couch, and he seemed, at least at that moment, like the most peaceful man in the world.

“Amooor!” Jude called from the living room in a voice that resembled nothing of the fierce footballer he was—“What are you doing? Come here, I feel abandoned.”

You couldn’t help but smile as you chopped the vegetables. You knew perfectly well that Jude had a completely mushy side that would be impossible for most people to imagine. It was your little secret, and you loved seeing him act that way, especially because it was so opposite to the public image everyone had of him.

“I’m making pancakes, Jude. You can survive just a few minutes, can’t you?” you replied, amused.

“Um… do you need help?” Jude began, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

You laughed, knowing that Jude was more than capable of helping, but he was also an expert at seizing any opportunity to annoy you with his typical guy comments.

“I think I can handle it. Just need you not to interrupt me with your stupid jokes.”

“I promise nothing,” he responded.

Jude leaned in toward the bowl, peeking at the batter. He curved his lips into a smile as if a silly idea had just crossed his mind.

“Those pancakes look really good,” he said. —Oh, maybe he wasn't going to be a complete idiot with his comments today. — you thought. Jude rubbed his face against your neck in an adorable way. “But instead of that, don’t you want me to drizzle my maple syrup over your little pancakes?”

Forget it, this guy truly has no cure.

You couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “That was so fucking disgusting, Jude Bellingham!”

In the end, a stack of golden pancakes piled high on the plate, while laughter and love filled the kitchen. Jude looked at you with that deep and sincere gaze, reminding you that, behind his strong exterior, there was a soft heart that always sought to make you laugh.

“All set, now to bed.” Jude extended his hand to you, smiling in a way that made your heart race. “The movie awaits us, and I can’t let those pancakes get cold because of you.”

(...)

Later, you found yourself with a Jude, exhausted from watching two movies in a row, who nestled against you, and to both your surprise, fell asleep with his head on your chest. His massive body looked even more disproportionate resting against your small figure. You smiled as you watched him, feeling the warmth of his body and the tranquility of that moment.

But the scene became even more comical when, in an involuntary act, Jude lifted one of his legs and let it fall over your hip. The image was almost ridiculous: his enormous, rugged, strong figure completely at your feet, while he slept deeply, oblivious to what was happening.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” you murmured, laughing softly as you stroked his hair.

Your laughter intensified when you noticed Jude’s position highlighted his butt in a way that was almost too funny to ignore. “Damn, you have more butt than me…” you thought, enjoying the tenderness and the comedy of the moment.

You took out your phone, determined to capture the scene for posterity. “I can’t let this pass,” you told yourself as you adjusted to take a photo. The image of Jude, with his large, muscular leg draped over you, was too amusing to ignore.

Jude, in his sleep, shifted slightly, making his leg slide a bit more. You stifled a laugh, unable to resist the temptation to record a short video. The scene was too funny: your muscular boyfriend, the very image of masculinity, acting like the sweetest of boyfriends. “This should be the other way,” you said, laughing.

When Jude finally woke up because your chest was shaking with laughter, he realized the position he was in and blushed, although his expression was more of surprise than embarrassment. “What are you doing?” he asked, still groggy.

“Just capturing the moment for later; you look like a baby,” you joked, showing him the video on your phone.

“So you have proof of my most vulnerable moments, huh?” Jude said, his voice still sleepy but full of mischief.

“I only did it because you’re so cute when you sleep, don’t blame me,” you replied with a smile, trying to maintain your composure.

However, Jude's mind began to concoct a little revenge. While you were distracted looking at the videos and photos, he decided to take action. He stealthily approached and gave you a little shove. “Hey! How about I record your vulnerable moments too?” snatching the phone from your hands and starting to film you.

He began to tickle you in such a torturous way; perhaps they were two long minutes of wrestling and laughing. In an attempt to defend yourself, you lifted your leg to push him away, but what you didn’t expect was for your knee to directly impact Jude’s groin.

“OW!” Jude yelled, his face contorting in a mix of surprise and pain. He dropped to the floor, placing a hand on his groin, dramatically exaggerating the scene as if he had been struck by an opponent on the field. “This is a ruthless attack! Not only do you wake me up, but you also kick my ‘mini (not too mini) Jude.’”

You, unable to contain your laughter, crouched beside him while trying to ask if he was okay. “Are you alright, Jude? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Didn’t you know that hurts?” he said, grimacing dramatically while keeping his hand on his groin. “You could’ve made me sterile with that hit. I’m injured!”

You burst into laughter, enjoying his dramatics. “Oh, come on! Don’t be so exaggerated. You have no idea what real pain is. You’ve never experienced menstrual cramps.”

Jude frowned, lifting his head off the floor. “So menstrual pain is worse than being hit in a man’s most sacred place?”

“It’s a completely different experience, my love,” you replied, still laughing. “But just to be clear, I’m not letting you record my vulnerability ever again!”

“it huuuurt sooo much” he said dramatically.

At that moment, Jude seemed to have a mini dramatic performance like those footballers who exaggerate their falls to gain an advantage. Men are so weak and weird, really.

As the night went on, laughter and intimacy filled the room, creating a magical atmosphere where only the two of you existed. Jude, amidst jokes and gentle caresses, let himself be carried away by the joy of the moment. You, with a mischievous smile, decided it was the perfect time for a little skincare treatment.

With a mix of tenderness and fun, you settled into his lap and began to pull out your skincare products. Jude, for his part, made a face of disgust upon seeing the creams, refusing to use those “strange things” on his face. The idea of getting his eyebrows shaped seemed even more absurd to him, a kind of torture that made you laugh.

However, by the end of the day, he couldn’t resist. You looked at him with those sparkling eyes that melted away any resistance. Jude knew he was in the palm of your hand, and although he grumbled at first, he let you do it. As you applied the creams, your voice turned into a gentle murmur of affection, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the attention. That mutual surrender was his love language, where care and fun intertwined in every gesture.

The room was filled with laughter and love, a reminder that in your world, every moment together was special. That night, the bed became your little refuge, a space where hugs, laughter, and gestures of affection intertwined, creating memories you would treasure forever.

[tozettastone]

Would you rank the Akatsuki by how much you like them and why?

Anon this is so hard... :< I like them for different reasons and in different ways! How can I reliably rank such a list? I will do my best.

--

11. Zetsu — plot device man. Nah.

10. Pein — Honestly not much less of a plot device than Zetsu. His behaviour doesn't follow from his supposed motives, and his motives are boring to me. His character arc is unsatisfying.

9. Konan — Has the same problems as Pein to me, but ranked higher because she's prettier than him.

8. Tobi — Tobi appears to represent a really, really long term psychiatric episode Obito is having. If he doesn't, then I don't know what the FUCK is going on here. He's fun sometimes, despite this, but I like to think about character dynamics and it's really hard to reconcile Tobi and Obito, which annoys me. I don't like his interpersonal relationships or backstory enough to work at constructing a theory of his character most of the time.

7. Kisame — He's a straightforward guy with an interesting if shallow character concept: he doesn't like deceptions and lies, and yet is recruited to an organisation that is layer upon layer of different deceptions. Also, a shark. What's not to like?

6. Sasori — For many years I didn't like Sasori because I was very hung up on the idea of a character who, supposedly, had gotten rid of his feelings. How do you motivate a character who just... doesn't care? But over time I kind of got over that part of canon. Now I think he's fun because I like to think of him as a crittery little weirdo who will call you ugly to your face and use you for spare parts.

5. Deidara — Interesting because he has a really normative idea of how social interactions are meant to go, which we see when he is with Tobi and gets really annoyed by him. But he is also a furious trembling chihuahua who eats clay at the slightest provocation. Has a bad temper. I like Deidara. He has plenty of reasonable character traits that make sense propped up next to each other. Good job, Deidara.

4. Itachi — Itachi is another character whose behaviour doesn't seem to follow organically from his motives, I think because he was envisioned as a true antagonist and softened a lot at the last second. I like this about Itachi, though, because the contradictions imply some absolutely bonkers stuff about his character that, unlike Tobi, I feel we can reconcile into a coherent character that is just incredibly fucky. I like a fucky character.

3. Hidan — What is Hidan even. No no, don't get me wrong, I love Hidan, but from the perspective where we care about whether or not a character is a good character, he has to be one of the worst characters in this series. I love him less because of his canon character and more because his canon character is so ridiculous that I enjoy looking at it and trying to make him into a character that actually resembles a person. I also like the religious element. The pageantry. The mysticism. The drama. (The violence.)

2. Kakuzu — I like Kakuzu so much. He's another of these characters, like Hidan, who is fun for the challenge of constructing a coherent character out of what you've been presented with. The puzzle pieces will all fit if you smoosh them in hard enough! But I also like his grim, violent, avoidant personality. I also like how, like Sasori, he can be so delightfully crittery. Forbidden spaghetti man!!!

1. Orochimaru — I LOVE early series Orochimaru. This guy wants so much attention and he cares, deeply, about everyone he knows. That's not to say he values their well-being or approval, but rather that he is deeply invested in eliciting an emotional response from them. Canon is like "his goal is immortality and knowing every jutsu!" and like sure that's A goal but. my god. his other goal is to provoke everyone he loves to murder. (Bless you, Orochimaru.)

[creedslove]

*ABOUT JOEL*

I know Halloween is gone, BUT... I only can think about:

Stablished relationship

Trick or treat, Joel father of Sarah and adoptive dad of Ellie (reader and Joel adopted her)

Joel goes as cowboy

Reader as cheerleader

After trick or treat, party at Maria and Tommy's

Some stupid dude dressed as quarterback hits on reader and Joel tries to interfere but Tommy doesn't let him be violent

As it happens, reader says that's she's married and leaves the dude without believing and goes to kiss Joel in a VERY sexy way

Reader and Joel get REALLY worked up and go have a quicky in the bathroom and the guy listens to it by coincidence, and when he sees reader and Joel leaving, says to Tommy: "I wish I was that guy"

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: I fucking love your mind ❤️

• the girls had been driving Joel mad through the whole week, they couldn't even wait for Halloween, the small but happy Miller household was completely overwhelmed by talks of costumes, trick or treating and Halloween adventures

• the girl weren't little kids anymore, you and Joel knew there were only a couple of years left before they would gladly exchange an evening with the family for some lame teen Halloween party and god forbid sexy costumes

• Joel suffered from severe anxiety just to imagine his precious girls leaving home in revealing clothes, after all, he was a man who suffered from anticipation

• so in the end, as much as you all were tired of all the chat about that one specific thing, you were also happy they were so into trick or treating

• which went great, and as soon as they were tucked in bed - pretending to sleep to pig out on all the candy they got, while you and Joel pretended not to know so you could go out - you both got ready for Tommy's party

• Joel isn't a costume man, but he saw you in your cheerleader costume, that man was at a loss of words, if it were up to him, he would take you right then and there, not allowing you to leave the room

• but you reminded him the girls were home, and you wouldn't be able to make a lot of noise, so you promised Joel you could both go to your old apartment, the one you lived in before moving in; it was empty and it had a bed, enough for what Joel wanted to do with you

• and at that promise Joel agreed to dress up, so the best you two could put up, was a cowboy, which did not disappoint, Joel looked so fucking good

• and that man desired you all the time, you could see the lust in his eyes, loving how much he wanted you throughout the party, whenever you glanced at Joel, he was eating you up in his mind

• things were fun until some random guy dressed as a quarterback approached you; he immediately began making jokes about Halloween couple costumes and how you and him should be a couple, which made you roll your eyes at him

• you dressed like that for Joel and Joel only, knowing you would have that exact effect you did on him, but any other unwanted attention you made yourself clear about not wanting it at all

• but the guy was insisting and Joel spotted a man getting all cozy towards his girl, he felt his blood boiling and the moment he tried walking towards you both, Tommy held his brother's arm and asked him not to make a scene

• Joel grunted annoyed, he didn't like that scene at all, but was so surprised to see you swaying your hips and walking towards him once more, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and giving Joel a deep kiss

• your man couldn't resist you, he had been trying to hold himself back so bad during the night, but it was tough, it was so fucking tough. All he did was wrap his arms around your waist and pull you closer to him, kissing you as deeply and intently as he could, his grip was tight around you

• he dragged you to the bathroom and locked the door, being unable to wait for your time alone and making you scream and moan for him, as much as he tried to muffle your sounds

• outside, the quarterback stared at Tommy who embarrassedly shrugged, not knowing how to explain what was going on

• you and Joel exited the bathroom all red and flushed, both of you chuckling and giggling and you couldn't wait to get out of there and spent the rest of the night with your man

____

(to me that's Joel Miller dressed as a cowboy and no one can convince me otherwise)