#In order to ‘save’ his son from a life of misery... was to kill him. Take him out peacefully. Make sure no one can exploit him

[sammydem0n64]

I’m being cursed by Talen thoughts. If only bc. Damn imagine being a teenage boy who, like most hormonal teens, CRAVES intimacy (this is my way of saying horny without being murdered for saying a 17 year old experiences sexual attraction.) and that’s largely your gimmick; that you want a girlfriend and it just so happens the girls you like are Not Very Good People. Yeah and then turns out your dad decides to try and kill you instead of selling you out to the gangs he’s in debt to?

[senseandaccountability]

“Is this truly our prodigal son?” - meta ramblings about Astarion and Cazador and breaking vicious cycles

“I didn’t have a choice… but it seems now I do.” Astarion is indeed the prodigal son in the sense that he has to return to his home in order to find himself and his purpose. 

For at least half the game, he is - at least outwardly - what he has been made to be. A pretty facade to be consumed. In the mirror he doesn’t see himself, he remembers nothing of his past, he can’t even read the words etched into his own back - he is, in all aspects, unwritten, unmade until he starts walking back into his own life. Reclaiming it. Or rather - remaking it. Because there is nothing sustainable there to reclaim, his heritage from Cazador contains nothing but death and violence. And power built on those two ingredients. Even when he claims that’s what he wants - power, walking in the sun, to never be afraid of anyone again, you can hear how hollow the desire is. Isn’t this what you want for me? he asks Tav, equal parts manipulation and the fact that he probably has no idea whatsoever how to figure out if he wants something like that for himself. He’s never had the luxury of choice. Shouldn’t I want this? When Tav later says that considering slaughter of seven thousand spawns isn’t who Astarion truly is he doesn’t even say she’s wrong, he replies: IT SHOULD BE.

“If I can’t have my freedom, then neither can they.”

Astarion is also, to use the same religious myth, the son who remained behind and keeps count. He counts the injustices done to him, he compares, he gathers bitterness and lust for revenge over two hundred years. Nobody ever did anything to help him. Nobody came to his rescue - he even says so himself early in the game that no hero saved him, it was the mindflayers who did. He admits to Gale that he’s prayed to all deities - but no one answered. When Tav prods about the countless of spawn he’ll sacrifice for his own ritual he brings up the same argument - what about what he’s owed? Everything was taken from him, too!

“You’d almost feel sorry for the poor, deluded souls. But they’re idiots who brought this on themselves, so… don’t.” 

Astarion doesn’t want to identify with the victims because then he has to identify as a victim. (Or even worse, someone who willingly accepted the offer of a vampire, aka idiot who brought this on himself.) And no matter how much he talks about what Cazador put him through, he’s not ready to do that, not fully. Instead he pushes them further away from himself, especially as his guilt and pain and self-loathing gets poured into preparing for the Ascension. That one thing that will finally separate him from everyone else, make him safe and untouchable. The others, the victims, they’re weak, pathetic, nothing like him at all, they’re too far gone, they’re different, they couldn’t survive out there so it’s better he kills them so they serve a purpose. It’s not exactly subtext, either, Tav can outright ask him if he really intends to kill them just because they remind him of himself and his voice breaks when he answers that. “They do not. That weakness inside me is dead. It’s dead. I have a higher purpose.” He comes a little bit closer to breaking out of his cycle with the Gur children, they happened not that long ago, he’s visibly moved by the fact that he had forgotten them and felt nothing when he delivered them and when Tav asks about his feelings on the subject, he admits: “I just… I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.”

But it takes the encounter with Cazador to truly break out of the pattern.

“Did I not make you who you are?” “Do not slouch before me, boy! Have you no respect for yourself?” he snaps at Astarion when you first enter his ritual. And when the camera pans to Astarion, so full of rage and fully intent on killing Cazador with his bare hands if he has to, we see that he actually does slouch. He’s that boy again.

He’s returned, the boy who caused so much trouble, who screamed the sweetest when he was tortured, who was thrown into a tomb for a year for refusing his order and who eventually stopped fighting back. Godey says: “You always were sharp, little one. Sharp enough to cut yourself.” The boy who Cazador tried to make something of, but to no avail. He was incorrigible. “I fondly remember your empty boasting, your tired jokes, your endless prattle…” All abuse aside, Cazador hurts Astarion in that precise way only a parental figure can hurt a child - through constant disappointment, the cruelty of not caring. The parent that only punishes, that sees nothing but faults. He even tells Astarion that he ought to be begging their forgiveness for coming crawling back after abandoning them. “Forgiveness? You’ve never forgiven anything.” / “No! No, fuck you and fuck everything you’ve ever done to me.”

“I’m so much more than what you made me,” Astarion tells Cazador when he finally has him on his knees, one last attack away from getting the revenge he’s dreamed of for two hundred years. When he asks Tav for help he - again - brings up the “isn’t this what you want?” Because even if he knows he’s more than what Cazador created him to be, he doesn’t know what that “much more” consists of yet. If you detect his thoughts at that moment you learn that he’s afraid, hungry, intoxicated. That all he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom to do anything - to be anything.

“I want you to live a life you’re proud of,” Tav pleads. “You can’t be proud of this.” Tav who sees someone else in him, a way forward that isn't steeped in Cazador's tyranny. Tav, who treats him like a person, with autonomy.

“I know you think this will set you free, but it won’t. The power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador.” And it was this Astarion required to truly remake his life. Returning as the prodigal son to the place that was his home, where he was taught he amounted to nothing, that he was a means to an end, that the only way to ever feel safe in life is to hold power over someone else. 

That’s why I found his “No! No, fuck you and fuck everything you’ve done to me” so powerful, because it’s it’s much more than an insult or a protest. It’s an acknowledgement that you were hurt and that you didn’t deserve it. 

And by extension here - that you’ve hurt others in turn and they didn’t deserve it, either. That perhaps you are just the same as the weak, pathetic spawn in the dungeons. That perhaps we all are. That perhaps the true power lies in daring to hope. For forgiveness, for understanding, for more people out there to have a heart like Tav’s. That you, if you’re given a chance to make choices for yourself, can make a life you can feel proud of. Even if it means you have to let others see your shame. To care again is to live again, like Tav says while they're exploring casa Cazador. And Astarion wants to feel alive.

When you can make Astarion realise he can be better than Cazador, he immediately shows  protectiveness towards the spawn, telling his siblings to lead them to the Underdark and then telling the truth to the Gur but making sure to point out that if they come hunting - they’re hunting their own children. Cazador’s been dead for a couple of minutes and Astarion is already doing a better job as some sort of wretched father figure for these poor souls. Because he's given them freedom to make their own choices, treated them as equals. Shown them the care nobody ever showed him before. That's how you break cycles and pack one hell of an emotional punch. Fuck you and fuck everything you’ve done to me, indeed.

[tiredsurvivoronmain]

When they were talking about Wesker, I can't help but when he said this to Jill (when she said it was like living in a nightmare being controlled), I think he was also talking about himself when he said this.

He had only just opened up to her about Piers (apparently the first time he's told her about him years after his death), and it almost felt as if he was confessing his guilt/loss and that he had planned on retiring, Piers being the one to take over from him. He looked vulnerable telling her, the way he held the water bottle with both hands as if he needed something to hold and ground him, like it took real effort to open up (he's still affected by Piers' death). When it came to Wesker, him 'opening up' carried over and he may have confessed how he felt about Wesker still being in his mind, memories and nightmares. It could have also been Piers he was having nightmares about and he struggled to come to terms with the loss. Not necessarily in a romantic sense but it's obvious losing Piers hit him hard. However his relationship/rivalry with Wesker was longer and more intense, it would make sense that he'd still feel that connection to him like an old scar that won't fade and gives him pain. He also uses replicas/weapons that were Wesker's, if he wanted to be done with Wesker, why use them at all? Would he have not had other alternative weapons to choose from? Wesker's dead (as far as he's concerned) yet he still has that connection to him. If he was the one who commissioned the series of weapons or was the one to name them after Wesker... Did he do it to honour his memory? Or that he wanted something of Wesker or that connection with him to stay? And what would Jill have thought of it? Chris using replica weapons of the man that controlled her and made her live a nightmare? "And if you're not careful, it'll swallow you up." Perhaps he said that because that's what has happened to him, that the nightmares of Wesker have consumed him or had at one point consumed him.

The why he looked and acted empty after killing Wesker, you'd think he'd be happy or relieved it was over like the others were. Maybe he was at first but after a while the emptiness began to settle; he trained for so long to fight Wesker, he had a purpose and a goal. When Wesker was gone it left a void that needed to be filled. But something that had such an impact and influence on his life would have left him feeling empty. In a way, he killed part of his identity that day.

Then there's this scene in RE6

WHY was Chris prepared to die because he killed Wesker? As if he felt guilty or regretted it? He didn't know Jake personally, he didn't try to defend his actions or explain that Wesker was trying to destroy the world. Yet he willingly confessed and felt he deserved to be shot for killing him.

It took Chris a strangely long time to answer, why did he have to even think it over? He wanted to take Wesker down for personal reasons and because he was ordered to, it should have been a quick and obvious answer. My guess is that he was having flashbacks to Wesker, possibly his final moments. The way he sounded when he answered was as if he had no choice but to kill Wesker, that it wasn't for the same personal reasons he had before. He had to kill him in the same way of putting down a rabid dog, to protect people and to put it out of it's misery/pain. "I had to, he wouldn't stop. He was beyond saving."

Whether he felt actual guilt/regret for killing Wesker or it was merely a very dangerous tactic to get through to Jake, it's hard to say.

Ironically, there have been many occasions Wesker has aimed a gun at Chris and never fired, not even to miss for plot or as a warning. Jake, his son, did what Wesker couldn't in his 10 years of rivalry with Chris.

And of course, this scene in the RE1 remaster.

I've talked about this in another post but long story short, he still cared about Wesker despite being betrayed by him, that just moments ago shot Rebecca. Chris laughed and mocked him seconds before and was held at gun point, but the moment Wesker got attacked he immediately tried to help/save him. He cared.

And he still did, even after his death. Using Wesker weapon replicas, protecting and defending his son, possibly still having Wesker's STARS knife from the events of Code Veronica...he needs to have something of Wesker to be part of him. Whatever his reasons, despite all the pain, anger and hatred, he refuses to let him go and let the past be buried. He is both haunted and embracing the ghost of Wesker. The longer the absence of Wesker goes on, the more Chris is changing. Deep down he may have been hoping, wanting, Wesker to come back. 10 years pass and there's still no sign of him, the realisation turning into grief and regret. Wesker gave Chris purpose (just like how Chris gave Wesker purpose), now that purpose was gone, things just aren't the same anymore and there's nothing he can do to get him back. Wesker may have been right after all; their fates really are forever intertwined.

[pigeon-princess]

If you've ever wanted to know about our Curse of Strahd campaign this is a summary of everything so far. We have been playing for over a year so it's a very long read!

We are about halfway through the campaign so there are still a few major plot points and important NPCs that we have not encountered yet so please no spoilers in any tags, questions or responses! 

Our campaign has a few added homebrew elements, extended lore from the novels and some NPCs that have been added/changed by our DM so some things will vary from the source book!

Disclaimers: Spoilers below the cut for major Curse of Strahd plot points in Vallaki, Argynvostholt, Dinner at Ravenloft, Wizard of Wines and more. 

Our party members: 

Benoit - Tiefling Druid (Circle of Stars) 

Silas Shaw - Human Wizard (Order of Scribes)

Lucius “Thornhill”- Aasimar Paladin (Oath of devotion) (+ his golden retriever summoned familiar called Dog) 

Benoit was looking for a way into Barovia Valley to search for his missing mentor who was looking into the situation happening with the Dusk Elves. 

Lucius, a paladin with a sordid past, was following a mysterious letter from a “Kolyan Indirovich” who apparently needed help to save the love of his life. 

Silas was desperately trying to get out of the city after escaping his abusive mother who kept him sick and locked in their dilapidated home, while also hoping to get any information about his absent wizard father. 

ENTERING BAROVIA

The party started their journey at the Elfsong Tavern in Balder’s Gate. 

The unlikely group of three made their way into Barovia Valley, following the road until they were quickly lost in the mists.

While camping on the first night, Silas had a very vivid dream of being trapped back in his house. He had lost the ability to walk again and had to crawl through a pool of blood to rescue his father’s spellbook that had been cast into the fire. 

On the road, the party discovered the body of a dead man. His pockets contained another version of Kolyan’s letter (seemingly the real one) detailing a vampire attack on his daughter Ireena Kolyana. 

The group arrived in Barovia Village where they met Ismark at the Blood of the Vine Tavern. Discovering that his father Kolyan (The Burgomaster of Barovia Village) had recently died, drunk and distressed, Ismark further explained the attacks from Strahd von Zarovich (A vampire and the dark lord of Barovia Valley) on his sister Ireena.

The party agreed to help Ismark bury his father and assist in finding a safer place for Ireena to stay. 

While staying in the Burgomaster’s house. Luci experienced a dream in a beautiful church, where a faceless man stood in the flames of a burning pyre. The figure invited Luci to come and sit with him.

The group assisted Ireena and Ismark in getting their father’s coffin to the local church and there they met Father Donovich. After hearing screaming from the floor beneath, Ismark attempted to force his way into the cellar and Donovich started to grapple him. Silas cast levitate on Father Donovich, sending him high into the rafters of the church. The group discovered Doru in the basement, Donovich’s son who had been turned into a vampire spawn. 

With the horrible condition Doru was in the party decided that a mercy killing was the only solution. The party locked a crying Donovich in a spare room and sent Ismark and Ireena outside. Silas firmly stayed upstairs while Luci and Benoit went down to put Doru out of his misery. 

Doru fought back, making an escape for the stairs and scaring the absolute shit out of Silas who then cast fireball for the first time. This completely annihilated Doru. His burning corpse tumbled down the stairs and landed right at Lucius’s feet, a vivid memory of the burning man from his dream resurfacing.

In a solemn mood, the party burned what remained of Kolyan and Doru in the graveyard.

A supernatural mist surrounded the party and large wolves began to attack. Combat commenced and after the fight, the party got their first glance of Strahd. He appeared on horseback from a distance before turning and leaving. 

OLD BONEGRINDER

The group decided to head towards Vallaki, in hopes that the Church of St Andral would be consecrated ground where Ireena would be safe from Strahd. 

The party encountered a woman selling “Dream Pies” to soulless people. They saw a couple give their child to the woman in exchange for pies and the little girl was thrown into a sack.

 Lucius insisted that the party needed to intervene and much to Silas’s annoyance, they followed the woman towards the mill known as Old Bonegrinder. 

Just outside of Old Bonegrinder, the party discovered their first megalith and saw that the shrine was desecrated with teeth. A very large raven flew over and was clearly trying to communicate something about the teeth to the party. 

The group stormed into Old Bonegrinder and began combat with two hags, the third one apparently still out. 

During combat the party realised that one of the Hags had turned herself into Ismark, shoving the real Ismark into the oven. 

After dragging Ismark out of the oven and saving him by mere seconds, the party managed to make it out alive as the entire Bonegrinder burnt to the ground. Luckily saving the little girl in the process. 

Running over from the megalith, the raven turned into a person and the party met Falkon Targolov for the first time. A wereraven and relative of the Martikov family. He said he was planning to take down the hags himself and that he worked for a group called the Keepers of the Feather.

VALLAKI 

The group agreed to meet with Falkon later at the Bluewater Inn and before long, finally arrived in Vallaki. 

They made a very quick beeline to the Church of St Andral, but were surprised by the four fresh gravestones out front that listed everyone's names, excluding Ireena. 

As soon as Luci’s familiar was able to cross the threshold of the church, being a demonic creature, Luci could immediately sense that the church was not consecrated. 

Lucius spoke with Father Lucien Petrovich, inquiring about the graves and asking if he could take in the little girl with the other orphans at the church. 

Father Lucien explained that the graves were recently commissioned and he would look into the records. Sensing that Luci was a man of god, he admitted that the bones of St Andral that usually kept the church consecrated had been stolen.

Silas attempted to have a conversation with a boy called Milivoj who was digging the graves and completely embarrassed himself. 

While heading to the inn, the group walked past the Burgomaster's mansion and saw a bright pink flash of energy from the attic. Silas recognised the flash as a spell going off and was immediately intrigued.

Outside the inn the party saw a colourful caravan with "Rictavio's Carnival of Wonders" painted on the side. Silas attempted to look inside but bailed when he heard a growl from behind the bars.

The party met the owners of the Bluewater Inn, Urwin and Danika Martikov and their sons - all wereravens like Falkon. 

Falkon arrived soon after looking battered, carrying an ancient looking book. He had apparently defeated the last hag by himself.  

Falkon took them up to his room in the cramped attic called the Raven Loft. Silas asked hesitantly, “Do you… pay to live here?” And Falkon said “No.” To which Silas replied, “Good.” 

Benoit helped translate the parts of the book that were in druidic. They learnt about the history of the valley, including the Delmorians and the Fanes. 

Falkon asked the party for assistance with the druids who had taken over the Wizard of Wines. 

Later that night, the party met Karl and Nikolai Wachter and played a game of cards with them, learning more about the political situation in Vallaki, the Burgomaster’s family and the constant festivals. 

That night Benoit had a dream of the Gulthias tree burning and spoke with a ghostly dusk elf woman called Petrina. 

The following morning the party met the owner of the caravan, Rictavio. He told them he had a monkey but gave it to Blinksy the toymaker. 

BURGOMASTER'S ATTIC

On the way back to the church of St Andral, Silas begged the party to peek in the attic at the Burgomaster’s mansion. Through various means of levitating and flying the party broke into the top floor. 

The door on the far end had a ward that electrocuted Luci when he went to knock. 

Inside the party found a workshop belonging to the baronet, Viktor Vallakovich. After snooping around and admiring the skeleton cats, the party discovered a faulty teleportation circle. It was only when Luci tried to destroy the circle with a dagger that Viktor revealed himself from his invisibility spell and attempted to stop him.  

He immediately said he would have us all arrested for breaking in since he was the Burgomaster’s son. The party had a long and tense conversation with him, discussing his experiments to find a way out of Barovia. He talked about exploding a few of his maids in the process and the treatment of his once promised fiancee, Stella Wachter, who he modified her memory into believing she was a cat. He mentioned important books and information at Wachterhaus (The Wachter family’s home) that he believed would be useful. 

Silas was ecstatic about meeting another wizard for the first time; the party was less enthusiastic. 

At the church, Luci and Benoit found a fish hook near where the bones had been stolen from. The party learnt that Milivoj was the one who took the bones and that would usually help a fisherman called Bluuto out on Lake Zarovich. 

LAKE ZAROVICH

Travelling to the Lake, the party stopped by the Vistani camp There they found out about the missing 7 year old oracle, Arabelle. 

The party spoke briefly with Kassimir the dusk elf, Benoit mentioning the dreams with Petrina and learnt that she was once Kassimir’s sister and engaged to Strahd. He asked for assistance with ancient knowledge at the Amber Temple.

At the lake the party managed to stop Bluuto attempting to sacrifice Arabelle to the lake by throwing her overboard in a sack.

Silas levitated him and in his dying breaths he said “The feast…two days” before biting his tongue and dying. Great.

After bringing Arabelle home safely, she gave the part Tarokka readings which mentioned a tome of ancient knowledge, a sword of sunlight and an artefact of protection.

FESTIVAL OF THE BLAZING SUN 

The party returned to Vallaki before the festival of the blazing sun. 

That night Silas received a dream where he spoke directly to Strahd - Strahd gave Silas the ability to finally open his fathers spellbook. Scared of the party’s reaction, Silas decided not to tell anyone about it. 

Shortly after the dream, Silas snuck out at 3am to go over to the Burgomasters mansion. He levitated up to Viktor’s bedroom and asked if he would be interested in sharing spells. It was only when Silas mentioned his father's spell book that Viktor took an interest. 

The next day was the festival of the blazing sun. The party attended the bizarre display hosted by Vargus the Burgomaster and a very sad band. 

From the crowd Silas tried to get Viktor’s attention on the podium. Viktor did a spinning motion with his finger telling Silas to spin in a circle, which he did immediately to Viktor's amusement. Luci hurriedly told Silas to cut it out. 

It started to rain as the guards failed to light the wicker sun, and when one guard started to laugh, Vargus ordered him to be killed. 

 Before the party could intervene they quickly discovered that the Wachter brothers had released a sabertooth tiger into the streets, one that was apparently in Rictavio’s caravan. 

After a lot of running around, rescuing an injured Nikolai and herding the creature out of town, they managed to get the tiger back into the caravan. 

Rictavio told them he would be leaving, before giving a very stern talking to Silas where his poor deception revealed he had spoken with Strahd. Rictavio promptly removed a tracking spell that Strahd had put on Silas’s spellbook. 

WACHTERHAUS + LORD VASILI

Taking advantage of the fact that Nikolai had gotten hurt, the party went over to Wachterhaus to check on him while also snooping around. Silas got his arm stuck in the fence while trying to get inside. 

Karl informed them that his mother currently had a guest staying over called Lord Vasili von Holz.

After meeting Vasili who was surprised to find the entire party snooping around the small library, he invited them all to have dinner with him.

The party had a pleasant evening with Lady Wachter and Vasili, hearing all about Lady Wachter’s dissatisfaction with the current leader of Vallaki. 

The next day the party discovered that Silas's spellbook could directly copy the contents of other books within a 8-10 ft radius. This included important documents from Wachterhaus and all of Luci’s personal diary which Silas had been reading secretly every night. 

Reading his father's book, Silas also found out that his father was Otto (Inventor of Otto's Irresistible Dance), a famous wizard and bard who was close friends of Mordenkainen. Silas was utterly humiliated that his father was a Bard Wizard but was more gutted to realise that Otto had died 2 years prior at the hands of Vecna. 

THE FEAST 

With no new leads on the missing bones, the party went on a search through Vallaki. Silas decided to attach his spellbook to Falkon in raven form so he could fly around and look for any clues with a detect magic spell.  

Finding a strong source of magic, the party very aggressively barged into the coffin maker's shop at the edge of town. Once again terrorising and killing an elderly man as he ran through Benoit's Spike Groth spell.  

Not only did the party manage to find the bones, but also an entire shop filled with vampire spawn. 

An intense combat ensued where the party was completely swarmed. Silas managed to dimension door out with Ismark while Luci jumped from the second floor skewering a vampire spawn and crushing it with the weight of his armour. 

The city fell into complete chaos with buildings on fire and citizens being killed by vampires left and right. This was “The Feast” that Bluuto had mentioned. 

The party ran into Vasili who was protecting a group of children from two vampire spawn. With his help the party managed to get to the Church of St Andral just in time to meet Anastrasya, a full blooded vampire and one of Strahd’s wives.

She killed Father Lucien in front of the party and then turned her attention to Vasili where she called him “Dear” and exposed him as Strahd Von Zarovich in disguise. (We all screamed at the table) 

To protect the party, Luci handed over the bones to Strahd and in return he promised to clean up Anastrasya’s mess. 

Due to a poor perception check from Luci and many bad rolls in the future, Luci continues to see Strahd in his handsome Vasili form throughout the campaign.

The party facing the aftermath of The Feast

LEAVING VALLAKI 

Safely back at the Bluewater Inn, Luci had a dream where he spoke with Strahd in the church of St Andral. Strahd handed the ownership of the church over to Luci and asked him to fix it up.

Silas insisted that the party should allow Viktor to travel with them, saying "I need to bring him along to teach me more spells." And Ismark replied snarkily "Oh yeah? He's going to teach you spells? How is he going to teach you? Is he going to teach you orally? with tongue?!"  And Silas flew into a complete fit of rage and embarrassment.

The party investigated Wachterhaus again, finding the long dead body of Lady Wachter's husband hidden in their bedroom but also finding the Tome of Strahd in a box of bones.  

The party told Karl and Nikolai about the body and encouraged them to get out of town and head to Kresk.

In the chaos that followed, the party made plans to leave town as soon as possible, with their sights set on Argynvostholt where Luci’s tarokka reading spoke of a sword of sunlight. 

With a revolt happening against the Burgomaster, Silas told Viktor to meet them at the Bluewater Inn. He waited for Viktor like a nervous war wife while Luci and Ismark went to look at Luci’s new church. On the way there they saw Lady Wachter leading a mob against the Burgomaster and his wife and allowed them to carry on. While the Burgomaster’s Mansion was set on fire, Luci and Ismark continued to clean up the church and had a heart to heart conversation.

Falkon dragged Viktor into the inn by the scruff of his collar and with no home left to return to, Silas invited Viktor to travel with them. He very quickly agreed to tag along. The party were mostly outraged but Luci firmly said "Make your choices, Silas."

That night Strahd talked with Luci again in his dreams, this time by a lake from Luci’s hometown. The following morning Luci woke up with an invitation for the entire party to a dinner at Castle Ravenloft scheduled in the next few days. Ireena adamantly insisted that she wanted to go to give Strahd a piece of her mind.

Silas was becoming increasingly jealous that Strahd was now only contacting Luci.

The party found a scroll of resurrection that was left by Rictavio. The scroll was given to Ireena to hold onto. 

THE ROAD TO ARGYNVOSTHOLT 

With a huge travelling party consisting of Falkon, Viktor, Ismark, Ireena, Luci, Benoit and Silas, the group grabbed new winter clothes, got their weapons silvered and bought horses from the Vistani for their trip up the mountain.

Just off the main road out of Vallaki, Luci, Ismark and Benoit stumbled on a body strung up between two trees, yellow flowers and fungi growing from his chest with druidic writing written across the stones. 

When a storm started to get too strong, the group found shelter in an abandoned cabin.

The party took some time to read Strahd’s tome (We are using the interactive tome) learning about his childhood and the battle of Argynvostholt. They learnt about his right hand Rahadin the dusk elf and his best friend Alek Guilym who looked not exactly the same but very similar to Luci. They found information about his brother Sergei, the sun sword that he wielded and Tatyana, a woman identical to Ireena. 

Within the tome, Benoit had a very important conversation with a woman called Lysaga who he quickly realised was still alive from hundreds of years ago and was very aware that she was communicating through a book.

Silas asked Viktor if he would form a wizard alliance with him.

On the way up the side of the mountain, the group met a Vistani man called Arrigal, who told them he was looking for a horse thief called Esmerelda - The party learnt that Esmerelda is a vampire hunter and was once a student of Van Richten. (Silas's favourite author and famous monster hunter)

Inside Argynvostholt the group stole a bunch of stuff from Godfrey Guilym’s room and absolutely decimated some revenants in an overkill combat (This incredible combat involved Luci’s insanely strong addon damage, a moonbeam spell revealing Falkon’s true form and a double fireball spell from Silas and Viktor.) 

In one of the hallways, the party saw a line of marble busts. For a moment one appeared as Benoit's decapitated head. Benoit called Strahd pathetic for trying to scare him. They realised that Strahd harbours a lot of resentment as he is unable to contact Benoit through dreams like he can with the rest of the party.

Speaking with the revenant of Godfrey (And sheepishly returning his stolen property), he let us know that the revenant of Vladimir Horngaard was the one who had the sun sword. 

The party had an absolutely agonising (and incredible) combat against Vladimir. Luci was caught in close quarters and was pinned to the ground, having his head smashed against the ground over and over by Vladimir, leaving him dead. 

Once Vladimir was defeated and the sun sword obtained, Ireena used the scroll of resurrection to bring Luci back to life (He now has a fear of fire). Ismark being unable to stop Vladimir in the fight took Luci's death very personally.

The party returned back to Arrigal’s campsite in silence, getting a short sleep in before they were expected to be picked up for their dinner at Castle Ravenloft. 

Strahd’s black carriage arrived and the party gave the tome to Falkon for safe-keeping and agreed to meet back up again at the Wizard of Wines. 

Although he was not invited, Viktor decided that he was also going to attend the dinner and faced the realisation that he was no longer the Burgomaster's son. 

DINNER WITH STRAHD

The exhausted party arrived at the gates of Castle Ravenloft and were met by Rahadin. Just being within his "deathly choir" aura took a bunch of hit points off Silas. 

They met Strahd at the grand staircase, Luci still completely covered in his own blood. 

Strahd was unimpressed by their attire and with Viktor being an uninvited guest. He informed them he had already selected new clothes for them to wear and that Rahadin would escort them to the guest wing.

When Silas hesitated to follow Rahadin up the stairs, the deathly choir got louder, making Silas collapse on the stairs. 

In the guest wing they met Escher, Strahd's newest consort. They had already heard a lot about Escher from Falkon as they were dating before Escher decided to leave and turn into a vampire.

The party in their dinner outfits 

After changing into new clothes, Escher refused to take the group downstairs.

When the party arrived in the dining hall by themselves, Strahd had very purposefully arranged the seating plan. Ireena on his left and Luci directly on his right. 

Silas’s jealousy of Strahd's attention towards Luci was starting to boil over at this point.

At the table they met the other brides, Ludmilla and Anastrasya again - they were informed that Volenta was currently out.

After directing Ireena to sit, Strahd said “This seat is for Ireena’s brother.” And when Ismark went to sit, Strahd instructed “No, no. not you.” and made him sit one seat over. 

As the dinner started, a new person entered the room, a bodyguard working for Strahd called Izek. He was very confused when Strahd told him to dine with us. The party discovered that Izek was Ireena’s real biological brother who she believed had died when they were children. 

The very awkward dinner continued.

Benoit started up a charming conversation with Ludmilla. Since she wanted to discuss some more sensitive topics, Ludmilla stood and told Strahd very boldly she would be getting more wine from downstairs with Benoit. Strahd watched in silent fury as they left the room.

After Luci accidentally mentioned that he had died earlier that day, Strahd stood from the table and politely asked if Luci would join him for a walk since he had something to show him. 

Luci turned to Silas as he stood and said “I’ll just be a few minutes” and Silas replied with the most sarcastic and acidic “Sure.” 

With Benoit and Luci both gone from the table, completely filled with rage and jealousy, Silas grabbed a wine bottle and began to drink heavily. 

PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS

Strahd had a very intimate conversation with Luci, taking him to his study and showing him the brand new red and black platemail armour that he had commissioned specifically for him.

Luci bashfully replied saying “Red is not really my colour.” Strahd smiled and said, “Well that’s not true, you looked beautiful in red when you arrived here.” referring to when Luci arrived covered in blood. Strahd casually offered Luci the idea of companionship and the opportunity to do good work in Barovia, and Luci hesitated leaving the answer vague but not turning down the offer down completely. 

Benoit downstairs in the wine cellar saw the dead body of Milivoj and a number of others strung up in the basement, blood being drained from their bodies and into wine barrels.

He took note but continued his conversation with Ludmilla, asking her what she would do if Strahd was no longer in the picture and organised to meet up with her in the library after dinner to discuss further.

Drunk Silas started to pick fights with Ismark, asking if everyone was going to let Luci get away with this.

Silas demanded that Izek take him and Viktor to look at Strahd’s Library.

In the library Viktor started to hunt through books while Silas had a really pleasant and sobering conversation with Izek. Learning that he seemed to be a very kind hearted man in a difficult situation. He even asked “What's a wizard?” to Silas’s absolute surprise and horror. 

Silas offered to lend some of his books to Izek, asked about his job and if there was a chance he’d be able to travel with them for a short time,with the hope he could speak properly with Ireena.

After Viktor found castle floor plans, Silas attempted a high five but since neither of them had ever done one before, they ended up just touching their palms together for a weird amount of time before both awkwardly shrugging it off. 

Benoit, Ludmilla, Luci and Strahd arrived back to realise three people were no longer at the table.

As the library trio were about to leave, Izek opened the door to reveal Strahd standing in the hallway.

Izek immediately took the fall for Silas and lied saying that he offered to take them to the Library. Strahd told Izek and Viktor to leave and Viktor left Silas behind without even a second glance. 

Strahd offered Silas the role of his successor and Silas's response was extremely sceptical. Strahd also mentioned that apparently the famous monster hunter Van Richten wants to kill Silas since he has Strahd's Tome. Silas is Van Richten's biggest fan and was extremely concerned and confused about this information.  

The party all returned to the table. Luci asked Ismark if he was doing alright, and Ismark looked at Luci baffled saying "Why is it when something bad happens to you, you're always asking me if I'm alright? You're the one who just died."

Silas started an argument that Luci's death was more traumatic for him because he had to watch it happen.

After dinner Strahd decided to give a tour of the castle, leaving Viktor alone at the table with the brides. 

As they were leaving the dining room Strahd pulled Benoit aside and threatened him saying “Conspire with my wife again and I’ll have you killed.” Benoit stared him down defiantly said “Ok. Sure.” 

During the tour, out of spite Benoit revealed to everyone that he had found Milivoj dead and strung up in the wine cellar. Strahd furiously decided that the tour was over and that Izek would escort the party to their rooms for the night. 

AFTER DINNER CHAOS 

The post dinner conversations were very tense, the party sharing what Strahd had said to them. While Viktor was away the party raised concerns about his lack of participation in the fight that led to Luci’s death, to which Silas was very defensive.

Benoit went to talk privately with Ludmilla in the Library. He learnt more about the Druids at Yester Hill and the location of his mentor. Benoit very casually asked if she'd let him stay the night with her and having already endeared himself, she gave him a once over and nodded calmly allowing him to follow her to her room. (We all started to cheer for Benoit at the table!)

Luci decided to go and speak with Strahd alone to confront him about the all lies he had told him in his numerous dreams. When Luci showed up to Strahd's bedchambers, Escher was immediately kicked out by Strahd.

Strahd spoke with Luci, skillfully turning around every lie and positioning himself as lonely and sympathetic, endearing himself to Luci even more. At one point Strahd cast modify memory on Luci in order to make sure Luci believed him, spinning the story that the others were simply just jealous of him. Strahd offered a hand to Luci again, asking him to stay the night. Luci agreed and slept with Strahd. 

When Silas found out that Luci had gone to Strahd and wasn’t coming back for the night, he sent Luci the angriest sending spell saying “You’re an idiot, a fucking traitor and a waste of a perfectly good resurrection scroll.” Silas got no reply. 

After speaking with Ireena and Ismark about the state of the party, Silas numbly sat with Viktor in a spare bedroom. Silas ripped into Viktor questioning him about leaving Silas alone with Strahd. He reminded Viktor that without Silas, he would be abandoned by the party immediately so if he wanted to stay he needed to think of someone besides himself.

Viktor apologised and after some more conversations he admitted that he had witnessed his parents being stoned to death and that maybe he wasn’t completely alright after Vallaki.

They had a heart to heart, Silas telling him about his own situation with his abusive mother and Viktor telling Silas he was an idiot for believing that Van Richten wanted to kill him.

They spent the remainder of the evening studying together.

THE NEXT MORNING

Benoit and Luci sheepishly returned to the guest wing the following morning, walking into the room where Ismark, Ireena, Silas and Viktor sat waiting for them. 

Silas completely flew off the handle at both of them, Benoit also getting berated but not nearly as severely as Luci. 

Luci tried to explain the situation, sharing his belief that perhaps Strahd wasn’t as bad as everyone painted him as but was quickly and harshly scorned by Silas. Further pushing what Strahd had said about everyone being against Luci into his mind and dividing the party. 

Luci informed everyone that Strahd had granted Izek a short leave for him to travel with us. 

Silas discovered that he was unable to contact Falkon through sending spell and was worried something had happened to him and the tome.

To the surprise of everyone except for Silas, Ismark announced that he and Ireena would actually be going back to Barovia Village for a short time for their own safety. They wished the party luck and said that perhaps they would reconvene in Kresk. 

With the absence of Ireena and Ismark and the weighty understanding of why they had left, the atmosphere in the carriage ride back was horrendous and more arguments insued.

Luci swore that he would never do anything to put Ireena in danger and before Silas could argue back, Viktor interrupted saying “No. No Silas, he’s right…he’d fuck anyone to protect Ireena!” which made Silas laugh harder than he ever has in his life, while Luci and Benoit sat in heated silence. 

Art of Falkon and Izek by our incredible DM - @oneirotect

WIZARD OF WINES

The carriage dropped them off at the outskirts of the Wizard of Wines. The new, strange party were united in their goal of hopefully finding and recovering Falkon and Strahd's Tome.  

Luci donned his incredible new armour to the absolute horror of Silas. Luci's old armour was destroyed in the combat with Vladimir so he argued back that its better than no armour at all.

Travelling off the path and following another large raven, the party met the remainder of the Martikov Family who own the winery.

After explaining the situation, Falkon's uncle Elvir guessed that Falkon had decided to do a quick detour and deal with a hag in Berez.

Elvir invited himself along and only a few hours later mentioned that he couldn't fight but that the party could protect him.

The party made their way into the swamp to rescue Falkon.

This is where we last left off in game and if you have made it this far, thank you so much for reading such a long breakdown of our campaign! If you have any questions feel free to ask and again thank you so much for showing interest and support for our game, it means so much to all of us!

[gayfortheplot]

Okay, I know I'm super late to this, I originally wasn't going to say anything, but I can't stew in my anger any longer.

"Keep that grief and misery from spreading any further"??? Really, Midoriya? Really?

Did you really keep the grief and misery from spreading? Will the League just not care that you killed their leader??? The guy they lived with, fought with, and loved for so long? Oh, well, I guess if they're sad about it, you should just kill them too, right? Spinner should die because he was sad you killed the guy he loved so, so much. The guy he dedicated his life to protecting. Dabi should die because you killed the only guy he would take orders from, one of the only people he respected and wanted to help, and the only person who gave him unconditional support. Toga should die because you killed the one guy who acknowledged her needs and wanted her to be happy. The one man who wanted to destroy the world, everything, but was willing to spare the things she loved. Compress should die because you killed the guy he entrusted his and his entire bloodline's goals to, who remembered an offhand comment he made months ago about wanting sushi and made sure he got some. Kurogiri (well, you probably already killed him, but regardless) should die because you killed his son, the boy he'd been raising for the past 15 years.

Never mind the fact that killing Spinner would probably upset a lot of the heteromorphs who saw Spinner as a symbol of their freedom from oppression. They all rioted and fought against heroes, so they're basically villains, right? Just kill them.

Never mind that killing Toga would upset Uraraka, who did so much and put her life on the line to save her. Uraraka has to die too, because she was sad about a villain.

Never mind the Todoroki family, who would be crushed if Dabi died after everything they did to bring their family back together. I guess all of them have to die, too.

And everyone else that might be saddened by their deaths? People that knew the League before, Aizawa, Present Mic, people that related to them and their suffering, people that wanted the better world the League promised? Kill all of them, too.

Wow, Midoriya! Look at all this sadness you've prevented! You really are the greatest hero! Oh, wait, you're sad because you murdered your friends because they were sad? I guess you gotta die, too. Can't have that grief and misery spreading any further! Roll credits!

[spell-cleaver]

Portrait of an Empire

Angstober

Day 6: Medication

After his accident, Luke was in constant pain. The surgery might have enabled him to walk again, but as the head medic in the palace had informed Sheev personally, all the surgery in the galaxy couldn’t have prevented him the pain he would live in for the rest of his days. That made no difference to the man’s fate. Sheev executed him anyway.

In quiet. Behind locked doors. Luke didn’t need to know about that.

They had suggested painkillers. There were other options too—brain implants, nerve dampening—that could let Luke control how much pain he felt at any given moment. Sheev had said he would consider it.

He wondered what Vader would prefer.

No. He knew what Vader would prefer.

The Sith thrived on pain. Vader knew that more than anyone. While he had been left disabled by his own fatal idiocy against Kenobi, it had left him stronger, with an endless well of his own suffering to draw on. It was part of what made Vader so useful to Sheev. And it was, he knew, exactly why Vader would insist they spare no expense in treating Luke.

Vader was weak. He was Sith because he wanted to inflict suffering on others to prevent his beloved son from suffering. Perhaps, had he found Luke later in life, he would have understood better just how beneficial pain and suffering was to expanding one’s power. He would have embraced the chance to teach Luke what he had learnt, and in doing so made the boy the most powerful Sith in the galaxy.

But he had raised that boy from infancy. Sheev saw it in him: love, pure and unfiltered, untouched by the cruelty the Sith had to teach to make their students strong. He would not hurt Luke. His own failures in training Luke in the dark side had proven that.

He would not make Luke hate him.

Would Sheev?

Luke still lay unconscious from the surgery as he mulled it over. Sheev had ordered that Vader not be told about this. It was a power he usually enjoyed—over life and death; over joy and misery; over his apprentice, and the one thing Vader lived for—but his own pleasure was muted, tonight.

He had said that he would do what he must. And he had—in the worst way, he had. Luke made them both weak. Would Sheev exacerbate that? He had the chance to make them all strong. No painkillers. No technology. Only the Force, and what little relief the dark side could bring.

He’d thought that it would only be one decision. That was all he had foretold, perhaps blinded by his own passions. But he had to keep making them, over and over. It was always the way. Loyalty to the Sith required constant devotion—constant tests. But Sheev had long since killed his Sith Master. He had not been tested in a long time.

Hatred would make Luke strong. It was taught—and if Sheev truly wanted a good future for Luke, he should teach him. Even if it was hatred of his grandfather.

Luke was lucky to be alive as it was. Whatever it was that had saved him—the Force? Luck? That fortunately placed beam, that broke his fall but broke his spine while it did so?—was a miracle. It was a miracle that Sheev was even making this decision in the first place. He should seize it and run. He should make sure that next time, Luke would be able to save himself. Too long had they argued over training, over the dark side, over strength and power. Now was the time to push.

Luke had nearly fallen to his death. It should be so easy to push him again, to watch him fall, in a far more glorious way.

Sheev sat with Luke for several hours one night, watching his eyes move under his eyelids, listening to the beat of his heart on the monitor. Vader sat watching him too—never taking his eyes off his son, but closely watching his master in the Force, nonetheless. He didn’t trust him. He likely suspected that Sheev had something to do with this.

When Sheev left the room, he sought the new head medic, freshly appointed. Luke was to be given the implants and the pain suppression technology—credits were of no issue. Whatever painkillers needed would be procured.

[put-me-out-of-my-destiny]

On the subject of my "Dante and Vergil in the Underworld" plot, I've been doing some thinking about Morrigan's motivations. This also turns into an analysis of Dante, Nero, and their relationship.

Morrigan aims to seal away the Underworld permanently, and part of her plan to do so is to kill Vergil. But while she's certainly very pissed at him, Morrigan doesn't really hate Vergil.

For all that the man has done, he's still Dante's kin, and he understands why Vergil did the things that he did. Of course, Dante was in very similar circumstances and made much less selfish choices, but I don't think he really judges Vergil that harshly for cracking under that pressure.

And I don't think Morrigan would deny this, she's not about running away from the truth. If anything, Tony is the one who wouldn't admit that he loves Vergil.

The reason that Morrigan is willing to go so far is in part to safeguard the Human World, as is Dante's responsibility as the only decent son of Sparda, but also in large part to protect Nero in particular from that same responsibility.

Dante's lifestyle has brought him a lot of misery and grief, which is why he pushes other people away so much. To protect them from harm, and to protect himself from the pain of losing them. And this habit proves to be very maladaptive when it comes to his relationship with Nero.

Dante spends all of DMC5 trying to keep Nero away from the main conflict, even going as far as to exploit Nero's insecurity about his new disability lack of power by calling him "dead weight". He doesn't want Nero to be the one to kill Urizen (Vergil), which I think is because Dante hates being forced to fight his own family, and he doesn't want Nero to go through that pain.

But this ultimately fails, and in fact, the thing that causes Nero to change course is Dante finally telling him the truth, that Vergil is his father. Nero proceeds not to kill Vergil, but to stop him and Dante from fighting, protecting them both from each other.

This is in part because Nero does know what it's like to be forced to fight a loved one, that's exactly how his last interaction with Credo went down before he helplessly watched him die. Ironically, he ends up sparing Dante from going through that pain, and giving him a chance to rebuild his relationship with his brother.

I think what Dante fails to understand is that the devil hunter lifestyle is a choice for Nero. Even before he got his powers, Nero sought to be a knight and fight demons, even not really buying into the Order of the Sword's ideology. He didn't really inherit the responsibility the way Dante did.

In short, Dante thinks it's too late to fix his own life, so he's trying to keep Nero from ending up like him, not realizing that he doesn't know what's best for Nero, and that only Nero can decide what is.

And that's what Morrigan needs to understand. That Nero chose to save both Dante and Vergil, that he wants them to live, and perhaps to be a part of his life. Both Morrigan and Tony need to understand that it's worth it for Dante to try and have a life and a family.

One last thing I want to mention is that I think it would take an embarrassingly long time for Vergil to figure this out. I think he'd just assume that Morrigan really hates him for one reason or another. I think that on some level, Vergil believes that Dante's life revolves around him, the same way he believes his own life revolves around Dante's. Vergil's arc in this story would be accepting that it's not all about him.

[cartoon-buffoon]

Saw someone I followed doing this so I might as well also do it praying to all the gods they don't see this and get mad I copied them anyways time for:

TOON BUFFOON'S AUs

(feel free to inquire or ask about ANY part of these AU's as I love talking about them and most if not all of these WILL end up as a fanfiction story and I have plans for all of these)

Misery loves Company

Basic info: Misery loves Company features a version of Euthanasia Rabbit from FNF's Wednesdays' Infidelity and an OC based on that one Felix game over image aka: HET. Both Euthanasia Rabbit and HET have original written lore that is connected for this AU and although Euthanasia Rabbit's story of him losing Ortensia and being in a depression is similar how it happened is more detailed and kinda the main focus of this AU. That and Het and Euthanasia's absolute boiling hatred for each other that kinda gets resolved? Not really? Idk it's complex.

Summary: Oswald and Felix used to be "friends" until one day Felix went off the deep end leading to a conflict that sent both of them spiraling. The only saving grace Oswald has was his wife who one day died. Both donned new names for different reasons, both bitter at the other for the conflict that started everything they one day meet again in a forest where Felix (now named Het) intends to kill Oswald (now named Euthanasia). This doesn't go as planned however and ultimately leads to Het ending up on his 9th and final life. Due to the fight they call a temporary truce but they still absolutely hate each other and do everything in the power to make sure the other dies because they firmly believe the other was responsible for all the misery they faced. From their perspectives at least

Blood & Ink

Basic info: An Epic Mickey AU inspired by Gravity Fall's Weirdmageddon and Infamous Second Son. This AU features Oswald fighting against four powerful creatures called "Terrors" who—unlike Toons who are made of paint and can be dissolved by thinner—Terrors are made of ink and use blood as a power source. The terrors themselves are also famous rubberhose horror characters as I like them and they belong in this AU, the Terrors are specifically: Bendy/The Ink Demon, Trevor Henderson's Cartoon Cat and Cartoon Dog, and Skitzo the 1920s killer bear. There's also the 5th Terror being the only good one who is from Skitzo's cartoons being named "The Little Dog". The way Oswald fights them is with powers he gets and he's gotta solve the mess he made because he awoke the Terrors.

Summary: Wasteland is in ruins, despite everything him and his brother went through that mouse had abandoned Ozzy leaving him to deal with wasteland slowly crumbling. Not wanting his world to vanish or be destroyed he inlisted the mad doc's help in order to temporally escape wasteland and meet with Yen Sid who offers him info of creatures who could save his world. Unfortunately this entire thing goes haywire and Oswald is brutally killed by the Terrors he woke up only to be brought back, this time with new powers as a result of his paint getting combined with ink. Oswald now must get a hold of his powers as he tries to stop the sadistic creatures who took over his world in such a short time while also struggling with the mouse who popped back in.

Toon & The murder toon trio

Basic info: Personal OC insert AU featuring my OC Toon who is an amorphous blob of ink who takes on the appearance of a crappily made cartoon character because he finds it appealing. While exploring the area he woke up in he awakes the murder toon trio which is the Cartoon Cat, Cartoon Dog, and Skitzo. This AU is more or less a hectic slice of life thing where Toon tries to maintain a sense of normalcy whilst the three constantly try to drag him along to perform "pranks" or just murder people.

Summary: there is no real summary for this, Toon just gets bullied a lot by the three however the three actually do hold some affinity for him. Due to Toon awaking them the murder toons cannot stray too far away from him and Toon can regenerate so they can't kill him so their all kinda stuck together. They build a weird sorta bond of friendship and relying on each other, heck there's also a sort of love drama going on because Toon is a moron who falls for Skitzo and the Cartoon Dog desperately tries to tell him not to date someone named straight up "Skitzo".

[void-occupation]

The O'Carrick Curse

I just talked about a headcanon in the comment section of a fic that I just read, and realized that maybe I should post it here too.

In the fic ("who you are" by mipmaps on A03) Will ends up offering the surname 'Treaty' to Halt, who accepts, which I am absolutely in love with because of the headcanon that I am about to share with you guys.

I feel like Halt sees the surname "O'Carrick" as a curse, especially when he considers how miserably and/or tragically every O'Carrick (that we know of) has lived and died.

~ Halt mentioned that his parents argued all the time and were pretty much straight-up neglectful to everyone but Ferris. (I also headcanon that they were abusive, but I'll go more in-depth about that another time).

~ Ferris was so blinded by greed that he tried to kill his twin brother multiple times over a throne, and did so terribly at being king that he was most beloved by the people when that same twin was pretending to be him - not to mention that when he finally started to do better, he was instantly murdered for it.

~ Caitlyn spent her childhood being neglected and forced to grieve as the one person who truly cared for her apparently died, and she was the only one who really knew who was behind it. She also spent her whole life being sickly, and it was eventually what killed her, leaving her son (who I'm sure Halt was grateful didn't carry the same name) alone with her snake of a brother.

~ And Halt. He was also neglected his whole childhood to the point of being so afraid of hurting his parents' relationship that he would rather run away and leave everything he had ever known and loved behind then tell his parents that his brother was trying to kill him. Speaking of, his twin brother - with whom he spent his entire childhood, and loved in a way that only twins can - tried to murder him on three separate occasions for a throne he didn't even want in the first place. Shortly after this, Halt lost the man who he had come to see as a father, and had to deal with the survivor's guilt brought on by being saved by Will's parents, and leaving Will himself orphaned. He also didn't tell a soul about who he really was until literal decades later. He had to give up a second home in order to save his son apprentice that he felt responsible for losing in the first place (whom he has almost lost multiple times - the majority of which he felt responsible for). Then, he lost the man that he considered a brother (or perhaps a lover????). Not to mention the fact that by book 8 - aside from Sean - his whole family was dead.

I feel like Halt was bittersweet about his standing as the last of the O'Carricks. One reason, is he's glad no one else has to carry the burden of the (in his mind) cursed name. A part of him however, wonders if perhaps Halt was the curse all along. That was another reason that Halt didn't offer Will the O'Carrick name at his graduation, he was afraid that sharing a surname with Will would leave his former apprentice vulnerable to his curse.

When Will first offered his surname to Halt, the older ranger teared up, and Will was startled when Halt seemed to be on the verge of breaking down.

Before Will could start apologizing, Halt found himself pouring out all of his thoughts about the curse that he had feared his whole life, and his fear of inflicting it on Will and causing him the same misery. Will was completely stunned, because the only other times Halt had been this vulnerable were when he was telling Will about his mother, and when he spoke about his own childhood, and even then, those times were nothing like this. He had never heard this self-loathing from his teacher before but as he processed the words, he realized that it must have been hidden deep within Halt all this time.

Will took Halt's hands in his own, cutting off the older ranger's uncharacteristic rambling, and looked deep into his stricken eyes. "Halt," his quiet voice cut through Halt's mind like an arrow, "You are many things, but a curse is not one of them." Halt's eyes misted over, and it was all he could do to maintain eye contact. Will had never seen this level of vulnerability and hurt in his teacher's gaze, and he would do anything to take his pain away.

"You are not a curse, or a burden, or a monster, and it is not your fault that things with your family turned out the way that they did. You were as much of a victim as they were, if not more so." Here, Will took a deep breath, and bent slightly to maintain eye contact with the Hibernian whose dark gaze had drifted downwards to hide his shame. "Do you know what you are?" The soft question was rhetorical, for Will needed no one to give him answers besides his own heart and memories, "You are a protector, a kind soul, and the greatest man I have ever known. And I am proud beyond belief to call you my friend, mentor, and father."

At this, Halt's gaze snapped back up in shock. How could Will still say that after seeing him like this? After all the broken promises, and the hurt and heartache cause by simply being associated with the former prince? However, before he could speak his thoughts, Will plowed on. "I offer you my surname, not out of a sense of debt or obligation, but because I love you, and I wish for the world to know that we are family, and nothing - no self-believed curse, no painful pasts, and certainly no self doubt - will ever stop me from seeing you as my father. I offer my name because I see how much pain your own brings you, and if I can do even one thing to show you the same care you have always showed for me, then I will gladly do so."

By this time, tears had begun to flow freely down Halt's face, and Will's own eyes burned as well. Slowly, Halt nodded and whispered his acceptance which Will had to strain to hear. The younger ranger pulled his father into a strong yet warm embrace that he could only hope expressed the love he had for the slight man before him.

As Halt melted into the embrace, he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and though it would never truly leave him, the pain of his curse finally melted away as accepted the family he had feared for so long.

[marlenmckinnon]

The first order of the phoenix — taken during the first wizarding war (1970-1981)

Most of them were children, brave, ah yes, but still children.

Marlene Mckinnon -Milly Alcock- was one of the bravest, when she witnessed her whole family's death, she went mad. Killing death eaters while using forbidden spells, the Order wanted to get her out when she sacrificed herself by protecting a pregnant Lily Evans. Her last words were for James, her best friend, Dorcas, her soulmate, and Lily, her dear friend: Fuck you're all ugly criers.

Frank and Alice Longbottom -Andrew Garfield and Carey Mulligan- were pure souls, kind and loyal. Their loyalty cursed them to not meet their only son: Neville. Everything for the Order. Everyone that was there that night, on one or the other side still hears their screams at night. The walls and portraits suffer their pain, and howl at night, for the Lovers of the Order.

Benjy Fenwick -Suraj Sharma- was a witted man, funny, patient, and optimistic. The Hufflepuff was its perfect definition. On his last day, he was so scared and alone. Shivering, but still with his wand out, he always trusted his dear friends, that they could save him. The poor boy was blinded by his trust. One against six, it was doomed from the start. He did not leave, he did not escape. A scared little boy, imploded into pieces.

Edgar Bones -Edvin Ryding- never failed to impress the other members of the Order. His innovative way of thinking gave them many advantages in the war and made them win many battles. The Order was lucky to have him. Edgar was unlucky to fight alongside the Order. His whole family got wiped out, and they began this bloody massacre with him getting killed on a dark street, between trash cans, muggles drinking their problems away, and prostitutes trying to have clients that winter. He became, nothing.

Caradoc Dearborn's -Daniel Kaluuya- strength was such an advantage to the Order, both physical and magical. He also had the gift of lying pretty well and had been on multiple missions to discover weaknesses from Voldemort's side. The mole of the Order, he was called. He had seen, he had to do horrible things to message back and help the Order. After that picture, he announced his last mission. Two months later he came back with useful information, scarred to life. He'd prefer vanishing and disappearing, being called dead than stop working for the Order. He was no traitor. But he couldn't do it anymore, he was tired, so tired...

Gideon and Fabian Prewett -Nick Gehlfuss- are now most well-known to be the younger brothers of the famous Molly Weasley. Before that, they were great warriors. Because yes, they were warriors. They took down many Death Eaters, even in death, Gideon with his last breath took one with him. Fabian was alone and taken back to an unknown location where he was tortured to have information. He never gave in and starved to death, already half gone by his wounds, a few days later. Twins, separated. Ah, history does repeat itself.

Dorcas Meadowes' -Alexandra Park- surname in Hogwarts was the Nosebreaker. She was wild, that one. She and Marlene were the chaotic duo that needed to be tamed, but that worked so well together. She saw so much pain and death, and Marlene's death was the last straw. She couldn't take it anymore. Marlene's madness overtook Dorcas. She did not become mad, she went utterly psychotic and killed everyone in her way, absorbing all the pain and the hardship she contained for years. Voldemort feared her so much he wanted to see her dead himself. He killed her and watched her corpse for two long hours, waiting to be certain of her death. The Nosebreaker became the Death Eaters' Menace.

Those children fought a war that wasn't theirs, knowing the consequences; dealing with the consequences. They suffered loss and misery and pain like no one else. They were children fighting adults' war, while those were behind desks, manipulating the fresh meat to fight for them. Never alongside them. They died, almost every one of them. And each one hoped for one thing, as they took their last breath, that this war would end with them, that their children wouldn't suffer like they did for so long.

[dragonagekeeper]

Paragon of Her Kind Polls

Dragon Age Origins Polls

See quest and choice descriptions from Dragon Age Wiki/Keep below

Filda can be found in the Commons near Tapster's Tavern. She is praying for her missing son, Ruck, who was lost in the Deep Roads five years ago and hasn’t been seen since. The Warden can promise to help her.

Deep in the tunnels, Ruck will appear and scurry away leaving the party to deal with a surprise attack of some corrupted spiders. Afterwards the party can follow him to his cave. When the Warden speaks to the dwarf, they will learn that he has become tainted from eating the flesh of darkspawn and his mind has deteriorated.

Said Ruck died [but actually left Ruck alive in the Deep Roads]

Ruck survived his encounter with the Warden, but Filda was given the closure of believing her son had perished in the Deep Roads.

If Filda believes Ruck is dead, she will return to her life in Orzammar, unhappy but accepting and thankful for taking the risk or resentful if she is told that Ruck was killed by the Warden's hand

2. Told truth about Ruck

Ruck lived on in his ghoulish half-life after his encounter with the Warden, and Filda heard the harsh truth about his state.

If Filda believes Ruck is alive even if she is told that Ruck doesn't wish to be seen, she will be thankful but disappointed that the Warden didn't do more for them and then state that she will go to the Deep Roads in order to find and save her son

3. Killed Ruck & lied [to Filda about not finding him]

Although the Warden eliminated the ghoulish Ruck, Filda never learned of her son's fate.

4. Killed Ruck & told the truth

Ruck had become a ghoul after sustaining himself on darkspawn flesh. The Warden put him out of his misery and deemed the horrible truth worth sharing with Filda.

5. Killed Ruck & said he died heroically

The Warden put Ruck, who had become a ghoul after sustaining himself on darkspawn flesh, out of his misery. Filda knew only that her son died a hero.

[that-edgy-gal]

Working on my bbeg monolouge for the game in DMing and thought I'd throw the draft up here. For context he's a lich who bound his sound to the concept of time in order to try to claim the place of models to stop time forever for trauma reasons.

Once upon a time there was a boy. The son of a watchmaker he was, and he spent many of the long days after school helping his father build and fix watches for the wealthy men of a magical floating city. He grew to match and quickly outpace his father at his own trade as the focus the work required of him allowed him to push away all thoughts of his life and his place in the world. For despite living in a magical city and doing wonderful work, neither he nor his father had the fortune of being born with heaps of gold to their names, or in fact much of anything at all.

The boy knew they were poor, and he longed to be wealthy, to dress well and fit in with the other boys at his school, so he worked. He worked from sun down to sun up, trading with his father, who worked all day. He spent his time bent over his desk with only a few dimly shining candles to light the machinery that came together beneath his hands. He spent longer and longer working until his eyes grew weak, his back sore and hunched, and his fingers calloused and cut from working with the tiny, blade sharp gears.

It did not suprise him when he first grew ill. Turning gaunt and pale as whatever he had caught in the long hours of the night ravaged his weak body. His father was driven near mania by the threat that he may lose the last person he had in the world. So he called in a healer. He was not someone who the poor boy and his father would have been able to afford the services of, but for that he was the servant of a god of law and order, and he was pleased by the timepieces that the father and son made. He offered a trade. He would do what he could, and in exchange, he would take all of the clocks that remained in the small shop to his temple to offer them to his god. The father quickly accepted and shook hands with the man. Then, the renowned priest of law and order entered the boys' room and gave the boy a single simple prayer. He turned to the father and said that that was all that could be done. That it was not the place of mortals to control how things might be. The father was furious and told the priest the deal was off.

But he was a priest of law and order, and the deal had been made. His servants came and emptied the shop, leaving nothing behind, not even a single spring. The father was publicly and slowly killed as an example of why one much always bow to the word of the law and the boy never got well. But he did live. He lived and learned and scraped by when it seemed the entire city was turned against him. He smelled the rot in its depths, and he saw its downfall coming and fled. He watched the lives of all those who had ever wronged him ended as the wretched city that hated him as much as he hated it was thrown to the ground by the gods who's servents had taken everything from him.

He watched from his tower buried beneath wards and enchantments as the world ended and sprang up once again. He watched from his tower as the world he had grown up in was forgotten except for fairy tales and ruins. Eventually, he gathered the courage to venture into the world. He went to a school where the highest achievers barely reached the level of parlor tricks he had seen as a child and became a professor there. He fell in love. And just when he thought he could be happy. Just when he thought he could enjoy his time. The child he longed to have nearly killed his true love. He saved them, barely. But he couldn't leave them. And as more and more time passed, he knew that the moment he ended their stasis, both his wife and child would die. So he never left. He stayed and studied and learned. He told his mind from his body and used his soul as thread to bind it to the one thing that had always been the source of his misery. That he'd never had enough of.

It took a few thousand years for him to even consider going any further. But what he wanted to try had been attempted before and even successfully done once. So he called upon the most powerful arcanists of the day, filled their minds with promises of power, and played to their greed until they gave him what he needed. Then, he began the process of becoming a God.

He failed a few times. That was to be expected, of course, but due to what he had bound himself to, a failure simply meant that he had to wait a few short centuries rather than the destruction of the entire multiverse. Eventually. Inevitably. He succeeded. He tore a god from the sky and stitched himself into its place, tying the stings of everything to his fingers until all of time was spread out before him like a tapestry. And he could finally put it all to rest. No more pain. No more loss. Just one. Eternal moment.

Then he freezes time and gets surprised by players having mcguffins that let them not be frozen and they fight etc etc.

[askvectorprime]

Dear Vector Prime,

What became of Megaligator after he came into possession of the Creation Matrix? Was it ever retrieved by Megatron and the rest of the Green Order?

Dear Vernal Venturer,

I believe I gave you a very truncated version of events before, that Megalligator reconciled with Megatron to become the joint Green Compassionate Convoys, but I suppose I never told you the full story.

After once again evading the judgmental fist of his brother Convobat, Megalligator continued on his quest to kill all Megatrons. The silent Golden Ager Soundwave had taken him to the Green Planet for a reason, and soon it became clear. They found a great pyramid, its Bulkhead guards having long since abandoned the Green Temple in grief over the loss of their commander, Green Tender Convoy. All save one: a large BotBot (large by BotBot standards, about as tall as Megalligator), who introduced himself as Bulk Gulp.

Bulk Gulp showed deference to Soundwave, but initially was wary of Megalligator, butting heads with him almost immediately—each considered the other’s alt-form useless! What’s more, Bulk Gulp darkly noted, Megalligator reminded him of “the new guy”.

Under duress, Bulk Gulp would lead the two visitors up the pyramid. Translating from Soundwave’s total silence, he explained that the weapon Megalligator needed for his quest was contained in the temple, and they would need to get it from its protector. Heartened by his plans finally moving along, Megalligator’s confidence quickly turned to dismay as he found none other than a Megatron- no, the Megatron, hunched in a corner, contemplating the Green Matrix enshrined at the top of the pyramid. Megatron could only note that he wasn’t able to get the Green Matrix to open before Megalligator lunged at him, raining blows upon his face.

Megalligator shouted what he had always known: that he and his brothers were clones, and while Convobat had been born “good”, the clone “son” of a Convoy, Megalligator had been born “evil”, forged from samples the Straxus twins had stolen from Megatron Omega. Megatron said nothing, realizing that his millennia of ambition had left him alone in an unfriendly past, separate from his dearest friend. Bulk Gulp and Soundwave watched in despair. Soundwave had never been good at communication or interpersonal relationships, and his bringing the two green warriors together had only brought further misery. The Green Order had fled the temple not just in grief, but in disappointment that a former tyrant was to be their new leader.

It was at this moment that Sideways attacked the temple, the space biker having been hired by the Straxuses to track and destroy Megalligator. Sideways handily took on both him and Megatron, cruelly declaring that no matter what anybody said, they’d both always be monsters. Then, a voice called out from the Green Matrix. To be a Green Warrior was to defend nature and nature was not something to be defined by others, but by understanding both our roots and the skies our branches reached for. It was here that Megalligator understood his true power: to super-robot lifeforms, his techokinesis was control over life itself. Using the same connection to his progenitor that connected Convobat to Blue Big Convoy, Megalligator synced his Spark to Megatron’s, suffusing him with life energy and giving him the strength he needed to defeat Sideways with a Mega Fusion Buster drill attack.

From the Creation Matrix came a vision of Green Tender Convoy. He explained that neither Megatron or Megalligator were suited to be his successor. Megatron was a being of half-life, an irradiated Spark piloting the unliving body of an abomination created by his past self. Megalligator was a being of death, an assassin overflowing with energy, whose only goal was the death of his foes to prove his life. But half-life and living for death are both forms of life, and their duality would allow them to surpass Green Tender Convoy as joint commanders: Green Compassionate Convoys. With his blessing, both took hold of the Green Matrix, and lit the beacon at the top of the pyramid.

Soundwave could only smile. His was not a perfect plan, but he would see Primus saved. As he took a triumphant swig from Bulk Gulp, he knew that His will had been passed down.

[mencnfire]

krauser // his past before operation javier.

i was talking to someone i simp for the other night ( she knows who she is, she's p cool tbh ) - & i was sorta briefly waffling about krauser's past before operation javier. i wanted to speak about it here as a means to giving more insight into the way that i portray him.

so, no matter the canon ( og or remake ), krauser is stated to have been a very successful soldier. judging by the timeline of the re universe, i could speculate that he served a tour during the gulf war. but in truth, i'd rather keep his tours vague. i don't want to inject too much in regards to real world conflict into my headcanon because the world of re is a fictional one. however, i will grasp from real world and suggest that krauser has seen two to three tours during his time with the army.

he began serving at age 18 - followed in his father's footsteps. a man as tough and passionate about his country as his son. there were no disputes from krauser's family regarding his going into the military, they were all entirely proud of him.

if each tour was around 2-4 years, i imagine two/three is a reasonable amount for him to have served before he went back to base duties / promotion or even merc work. it's implied in the original canon that krauser found solace in his spare time essentially doing merc work for money. but that isn't what this headcanon is about. this headcanon, in the words of jlc is about 'trauma'.

during one or even both of his tours, krauser experienced seeing his men die. not all of them, maybe not even a few - but he saw men die. he has vivid memories of friends begging for his help, despite it - he reacted as had been injected into him by years of a firm upbringing and toxic masculinity. he didn't react with sadness or angst, he kept his nightmares to himself, he channelled his misery into further action. going out into the field time and time again as a means of taking his mind off of the horrors of losing friends. he started to close himself off from people, becoming reluctant in regards to being 'friendly' with those around him.

when leon would speak to him about the horrors of raccoon city ( to an extent that leon could ), krauser didn't believe him one-part due to blindly following every order of his country and another part because he assumed the 'monsters' leon spoke of were corpses. nightmares. krauser is a man who's seen demons in his dreams because of the horrors he's witnessed whilst fighting in civil disputes abroad.

upon actually seeing monsters during operation javier, he is terrified. genuinely scared not simply because of the extremity of monsters attacking but also because the bloody remains of shambling corpses look like the men he had once lost. these are the demons he's wrestled with so many times privately, come to life. and while leon handles that in the way he knows how, for krauser - it's horrifying. it's every fear, every doubt, every horrible memory bought to life.

and to make it worse - his fear is a contributing factor to the loss of his men. i don't see krauser as a coward, not for a second, but i do imagine that he partly blames himself for their deaths. he has the mindset of 'if only i was stronger', 'if only i'd done more'. and while someone like leon reacts to failing to save others with a determination to do more, krauser reacts by twisting himself into a bitter frenzy. lashing out. he's so angry and upset over his own fears that ultimately, he wants leon to kill him. simply for repentance.

basically, he was messed up before the events of operation javier. he was holding onto that pain as a means of not letting it get the better of him. so far, he'd done a good job simply becoming a man turned major who would train recruits, take pride in his country / service while he cut himself off from 'normal' people and slowly delved more and more into the shadow of a man once great. by the time operation javier is done, he is fully engulfed in blackness.

[morgana-ren]

What's Ilyas biggest sore spot/trauma? The one thing you could yell at him or mention that would make him immediately lash out and hurt you?

Kind of like Astarion when you mention he's like Cazador.

Ilya's life after his mother died was basically a giant cesspit of misery until he was skilled enough to leave on his own with his own hoard and legion of warriors at his command. He was a gentle, sensitive boy who didn't want to maim, murder, or torture. He was soft and small with limbs far too lanky and scrawny to resemble his father and his body never quite felt even remotely his own. He wasn't meant for a warrior's life, and truthfully, had he been allowed to live the life he wanted, he might not have been a terrible person.

But he is.

Basically, it all started when he committed his first murder at a repugnantly young age having no choice.

He had left the safety of the Swarm against his father's orders, walking into the outlands just outside to sit and think and draw, and he was kidnapped by a rival war leader's arrogant son, Ganzoriig, who had been spying with a small group of men, clearly planning to make moves against Ilya's father to impress his own.

Ilya didn't dare to fight back, knowing he'd be killed. Instead, he had no choice but to allow himself to be taken captive, humiliating both him and his father. Despite everything, Ilya had hope that his father would rescue him. His art supplies would be found eventually, and his father would know he was taken and would come for him. He knew it.

He held out for weeks.

Eventually, Ganzoriig's father, the rival war leader currently warring over territory with Ilya's father, had mercy on the poor boy, told him that Berke knew he'd been taken, and likely simply didn't care. His weakness was disgraceful to his father. He gave him the option of killing himself to avoid the shame and misery of being abandoned, or offered him a place in his own court, seemingly out of pity. Ganzoriig's father was an honorable man who grew to feel sorry for the boy, knowing that he had been born into a place entirely out of his element, to a woman from another culture and that he was not meant for this kind of life. He was not Berke's trueborn son in their eyes and explained it as gently as he could that Berke would likely not abide the dishonor and shame of risking his men to save Ilya, who was in all likelihood considered nothing but a burden and kept around only because of the misplaced love Berke had for his mother.

In that moment, the stark reality set in that Ilya was truly and completely alone. No one was going to save him. He was his father's black-sheep, and Berke was probably happy to be rid of him. He truly had no one in the world. Whatever happy innocence was left in him died that day.

He accepted the offer to join the court, and eventually, using his gentle likability and clever wiles, became endeared to them in a strange way. He was a crafty, effortlessly charming boy, and he used his weakness to his advantage. He wasn't considered even remotely a threat to anyone, and he heavily played into the 'pathetic' aspect of it to gain trust. Ganzoriig— an arrogant and sadistic boy— saw him as a sort of pathetic jester and underestimated the raw anger and violence hidden beneath the surface that had begun to bubble. He would deliberately antagonize Ilya and mock him, which only made matters worse.

He would insist on taking Ilya on hunts and scouting missions to taunt him, despite his own father's warnings not to underestimate the boy. Despite being a rival to Ilya's father, the other war leader was learned and wise, and was not heedlessly cruel. He told his son repeatedly that his cruelty would be returned tenfold.

And it was.

During one of those 'missions', when his Ganzoriig's guard was down, Ilya stabbed him and his concubine repeatedly while they slept. He'd been given the man's spear to polish, and in his hubris, and never expected that Ilya might turn on him, thinking him too weak and mild to be capable of it. Ilya slaughtered them both before cutting off his head and placing it in a bag, telling the others that he was being sent out for more wine.

And then he ran. All the way back home. In the dead of night. He was found by his father's men and brought before Berke.

He placed the head at his father's feet without a word and left.

He had come to understand that if he wanted to survive, it was entirely up to him. The world would swallow him whole if he let it. He had to find a reason to live, which started with vengeance, and then violence, and then turned to hedonistic pleasure and exercising his power over others in any way he wished. Ultimately, it was the beginning of shaping who he became.

The sad part of it all was Berke very much loved him and was very proud of him, actually. He'd been worried sick, but could not outwardly show weakness. He was never ashamed of Ilya, but he didn't trust his men not to simply kill him if sent out to save him. Berke had held out hope that Ilya was alive and was set to go and rescue him himself upon finding out he was indeed alive still, his men be damned, when he returned home on his own.

Berke was a gruff man who didn't openly express affection even to those he loved dearly, so it was easy to convince Ilya that his father never loved him. After that incident, Ilya just came to accept that his father hated him and only kept him around because he reminded him of his mother and some misdirected sense of honor.

Ilya became determined to use the advantages that life had given him to the fullest. Being born Berke's son, even his black-sheep son, afforded him privileges, and he began to abuse them. He spurned everyone around him, uncaring and unfeeling because to him, they had spurned him first. While he was small at the time and an awkward fighter, he threw himself into his training, determined to cut the head off any other problems he might have— and he did. He became a masterful fighter and shucked aside the concepts of honor and respect. What he couldn't kill, he could trick. What he couldn't trick, he could kill.

Ilya was very much a mama's boy, and if you asked him and he had to answer for whatever reason, his true birth happened when his mother died. It pried his eyes open to the miserable reality of existence. That life had no inherent meaning other than what you took for yourself. That life is a fragile, wily thing that must be grabbed by the horns. If you want something, take it. His only happiness and love were taken from him, and he became determined to make that everyone's problem by taking and taking and taking with no remorse.

Life had no pity for him, so he had none in turn.

He loved his mother Anfisa, and she loved him back. She was arguably the only person in his mind that loved him unconditionally, and he's been avoiding love and every other deep emotion that he can't control ever since. All it brought him was pain. Once she died and she couldn't shelter him anymore, he was left in the cold, needing to learn to survive without her. He hated that constant tar-black pit in his stomach in her absence, facing the cold brutality of the world alone. It was something he couldn't control. Something that hurt. He hated it, and he's turned his back on soft emotions since.

He's still sensitive somewhere deep down. He's still that angry, lost little boy even hundreds of years later. Not facing your feelings had a way of stunting your growth. He turned those soft edges into knives that cut anything that gets too close. When I say he made it everyone's problem, I very much mean it. This was the beginning of him recognizing his trauma, but also only the beginning of it. Ilya has seen horrible things. Done horrible things. He had to kill every part of himself that he considered weak.

When he died, he looked for his mother, actually. She was a devout woman, and he believes she must have gone to some form of heaven, since her soul certainly wasn't in hell. He had to make peace with never seeing her again, even in death. That, in a way, was the final straw. Even in death, he couldn't get closure. Even in death, love still hurt. He couldn't escape it. So, he would simply never do it again. He would never allow himself to be in a situation he couldn't control entirely, and he finds joy in mocking those that do.

He takes sadistic pleasure in ripping apart bonds. He knows well how terribly love can ache, and he used that to his advantage. Sleeping with married women, threatening families, taking from others what was taken from him. The things Ilya did in life were repugnant. Utterly abhorrent. What he did after death even more so. And he is good at it.

These are some examples of what drives him. His early life was basically an endless series of traumas and the wounds being ripped open. Rejected by his father, scorned by his brothers to the point of brutality, his own people despising him and seeing him as 'lesser' until he proved himself a ruthless and effective killer and conqueror. Even when he was surrounded and 'beloved' by people for his strength, Ilya believed himself truly alone. Even when he won their love, he knew it was fickle and meant little.

Having feelings for people is something he deliberately avoids. He couldn't stand losing them the way he lost his mother. It's the one part of life he can't control, and that drives him mad. Not feeling anything is something he wears as armor. Being utterly impenetrable because he is the master of his mind, body, and reality. He revels in depravity because in a sick way, he's mirroring the things he denies himself. Love into lust. Love into hatred. Love into brutality. That weakness isn't something he can abide by. He won't.

Mentioning his father is an effective way to irritate him. Tread very carefully when talking about his mother. Weaponizing things he tells you in confidence will have him lashing out viciously. Implying he is weak or helpless in any manner, though this is exceedingly hard to accomplish because it's simply not true. Weaponizing any love he might feel for you is a bad idea. Implying that deep down, he's just a scared and angry little boy who never learned to let go and find peace and instead, revels in chaos. Basically, any truth that he knows that he deliberately avoids or covers up.

It's very complicated though. Just saying it doesn't do much of anything. You have to manipulate and dance around it, plant seeds of destruction in his brain that blossom and drive him mad.

Ilya suffers from abandonment issues and has a cold, unbridled rage that he wields like a weapon. He always seems very calm and collected, even laissez-faire and dismissive, but everything he does is powered by a brutal, smoldering rage. Cruelty is the point. Pointing out his emotions that he can't control will enrage him. Attempts at abandoning him when he's grown to care against his own will. Turning his world into a chaos he cannot control or benefit from. Driving him wild by denying him what he wants when he wants it, and I mean really wants it. Things he can't force.

And honestly, all of those are very difficult to accomplish.

The problem is that Ilya is hyper-aware of his trauma and uses it as a weapon, so it is very difficult to use against him. He's had hundreds of years to temper himself. He's very calm and cool and collected and will usually just laugh. You have to genuinely have a grip on his heart to be able to hurt him in any way, but he likes his conquests clever and vicious, so he's prepared for some degree of brutal emotional warfare.

Ilya would burn the world to the ground for the person he loves. It's the only true way to hurt him. If you are capable of hurting him, you have a measure of control over him. He's a poor, ridiculous, traumatized man, but unlike Asto, his wound isn't fresh. He's very good at hiding his emotions so he doesn't quite have a switch-flip like Cazador yet. He's gotten very good at repressing it.

[versussystem2]

TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE AS MY REDEMPTION

Confusion And Complication:

It is very difficult for me to prove why I have "No Feedback No Follower".

My fundraising can't make any funds in more than 6 months.

Both of my cell-phones is not working. The people in my surrounding have not lended me a cell-phone.

Because of #1-3, I felt that I'm being pressured by my surrounding that it is my incompetent why #1-3 happen to me. So, I'm pressured to be angry at myself. During my anger and frustration, I have to self-criticized myself for being an underachievement. To further the confusion, I have used the words, "Last Resort" in my recent announcements. Yet, right now what I'm doing by making this "Redemption" would seem as I wanted to says that it is important. So, I wants to avoid using the words, "Last Resort" to repeat the same mistake.

Giving Myself A Break To stop making myself angry, I want to gives myself a break from the "Accumulated Problems" in my life and the "Confusion And Complication". So, please gives me a break by seeing my following writing as I'm not purposely trying to make myself angry: The "Harsh Environment" have no mercy. The high discipline and restriction punish anyone for making mistakes. All hells break loose. All roads lead to hells. All men and women for themselves. From poverty to rich. Get rich or die trying. The other side would argue that the "Harsh Environment" is a blasphemy. So, the argument is I could be accused for making up the "Harsh Environment" to lies to people. I'm making myself angry is because I'm at the breaking point, yet I bring up arguments about the "Harsh Environment" that could lead to other arguments. Another break is I could have done better. Making this announcement is not everything I got. So, if this announcement is being ignored. Then, I don't have to give up.

Accumulated Problems The argument is I'm spending too much time to convince myself to not be angry at myself. Also, dealing with the "Accumulated Problems" in my life and the "Confusion And Complication". I won't have enough time to work on the things in my schedule. I wants to tell myself to be steady and pace myself, so that I could make my "Redemption" into routine activities in my schedule. But, I really don't know how much longer I could continue.

Family's Trait Argument My family's trait is called the Lam's trait. The Lam's trait could be very contradicted. Downward spiral of failure. Very stubborn. Very hard to deal with. But, if this trait does not have exposure to Empty Handed Combat competition, video game, TM Game Tournament, singing, and show business. Also, only devoted to 1 distinctive field. Such as medicine, engineer, or architect. Then, this trait would be very successful. Very well acclaimed. For argument sake, my father already foreseen my life. He knows I would live a life full of regrets. I will going to blame him. This mean he have to destroy me in order to save me from all the problems and confusion. But, he want revenge. His revenge is not kill me and let me live a life full of regrets. A long the way, a miracle happen. He realize about my life. A life of regrets and miseries. So, he sees his revenge would be too much for me. His argument is he want to stop his revenge. Nevertheless, he already foreseen all of this early on in my life. So, he knows I will live a life of constantly fighting against fate. I will be restless and confuse all the time. He decided during my early years, he would make me as his favorited son. So, when the day I die and having so much regrets. Being his favorited son, I could have lesser regrets.

Avoidance Arguments The avoidance arguments are on-going arguments that take up a lot of time. Because of my situation, I want to avoid the "Avoidance Arguments". Avoidance Argument1: "Accumulated Problems" and "Family's Trait Argument" make me restless and confuse all the time. I will be more restless and confuse when one side argue that I'm too fat. Another side would argue that I'm too skinny. Fat is metaphor for bad, cruel, and spoiled. Skinny is metaphor for good, kind, and political correct. It will be more restless and confuse when the metaphor no longer exist. A person profile is only based on their visual appearance. Avoidance Argument2: "Accumulated Problems" and "Family's Trait Argument" have make me want to able to manage my life by using the fundamentalism and simplicity as my management solution. Because fundamentalism and simplicity is very obvious. This mean I would be criticized as a very lazy and shallow person. So, fundamentalism and simplicity doesn't make thing simple for me. Fundamentalism and simplicity make things more confusing and complicated for me.

My Father And Heritage My Father

My father have a discipline and stoicism life. He sacrifices everything so I could live a life where I could have happiness. Don't have so much problems.

My father have a discipline and stoicism life. Somewhere along the way something happen. The misunderstanding and confusion created all the problems in my life.

A puppet master have controlled my father and my life. Me and my father was being controlled by the puppet master the whole time.

My Heritage

The discipline and stoicism life have been in my heritage for generations of time.

On October 1992 when my family immigrated to the USA. It is a pilgrimage to have a new beginning. The immigration mean leaving my heritage behind and go with the USA way of life.

Somewhere along the way heritage and immigrant status conflicts broke out. The misunderstanding and confusion created all the problems in my life.

Announcement Begin I'm distressed about my situation. I'm being rushed and pressured. It is just the beginning. It will only get worse. I'm giving myself a break by making this announcement. Instead of continue to self-criticizing myself. Deep down, I wanted to says I'm stress out about my situation and I don't know how much longer I could continues with the situation I'm in. But, saying that only makes me going back to self-criticizing myself. Also, make me feels more discouraged. I have to puts the following to the side and continue with this announcement: Confusion And Complication, Accumulated Problems, Family's Trait Argument, and My Father And Heritage. Now I will begin the announcement. The problems in my life make me feels like I have to rush myself and self-criticizes myself. But, rushing myself and self-criticizing myself is not the solution right now. As I was brainstorming on writing this announcement, I felt like I'm rushing myself all over the places. It is like I'm setting myself up for a major breaking down. The following are the goals in this announcement:

I want to gives myself a chance to stop rushing myself.

I want to tells myself that the problems in my life is like the seasons. Because the seasons change every 3 months, so this mean I could find solution to those problems.

I want to give myself a break to the denials in my life.

The reason I had to makes those goals is because I wants to deny the argument that this announcement would only creates more problems in my life. First thing first, for people who never heard of me before. I'm not going to go over my entire history right now. Nor do I expected those people to see me as a celebrated champion. So, I'm going to keep it at:

I have high school reporter position for 3 years from 2001-2003. (Mission Bay High School Journalism, Beachcomber Newspaper)

I have college club president position for 4 years from 2008-2011. (San Diego Mesa College, Mesa Multimedia Club)

About TM Game Tournament I'm brainstorming about writing a magazine that cover everything a person need to know about TM Game Tournament. Celebrated TM Game Tournament Champion. Versus TM Game Tournament Addict. If I'm a champion, then I would be celebrated every where ever I go. Also, I will gives supports to TM Game players all over the world. If I'm an addict, then I would be a disgrace where ever I go. I will destroy the TM Game Tournament establishment. Also, I will create problems to TM Game players all over the world. Beside the "Champion Versus Addict", there are problems I'm going to face writing this magazine. Also, I need to get supports for writing this magazine. The 3 magazine sources I read in the past on TM Game Tournament are the following: "Beckett" magazine subscription, "TopDeck" magazine subscription, and "Scrye" magazine subscription. I kept those magazines for the Price Guide reference. In the past, based on my trading experience, First Edition Charizard card was sold up to $300. Bruce Banner and Susan Storm elite miniature figurine was sold up to $60. Even though, those magazines cost ranged from $3.99-$5.99 at retail price. But, the Price Guide in those magazines come in handy during trading transactions. Especially, trading transactions for valuable cards and figurines that cost a lot of money. The brainstorm is as I'm writing this magazine, I'm going to post it up a long the way. This mean followers don't have to spend $3.99-$5.99 buying the magazines to know about TM Game Tournament. I will included the Price Guide for the popular cards and figurines. I have heard stories from players that their cards that they left it in their clothes' pockets got washed in laundry machine, because those players' parents accidentally washed the clothes without checking the pockets. If the card values of those card were recognized, then I think those accidents could have avoided. I want writing this magazine to be my redemption. As of now, my brainstorm is maybe during my redemption, my luck would change. This change of luck mean I could get supporters who will support me to publishing this magazine. This mean I could make funds instead of like I listed above for more than 6 months, I have not make any funds in my fundraising. Either way, I'm going to post up so followers don't have to spend $3.99-$5.99 buying those magazines. Better than rushing myself and self-criticizing myself. Wasting all the TM Game Tournament commitment that I have committed to for more than 20 years from 1999 until now, 2024. For the last weeks of time, I have been collecting pictures of the Magic The Gathering (MTG) card pictures. And, the Price Guide. On the websites. To prepares for writing this magazine. I'm currently at the brainstorm step. I will post up more information.

To Be Continue Like I wrote above, in my current situation, I felt like I'm being rushed all over the places. Also, like I wrote above, I want to gives myself a chance to stop rushing myself. I will continue writing the rest of this announcement. Check back for the rest of this announcement.