#he’s wrong and misguided but he has good intentions

[missmythal]

Hearing about how Solas has only one set of cutlery on a large table and then remembering that his biggest fear is dying alone.

It’s his biggest fear but he’s prepared to die alone to do what he thinks is right (& because he wants Lavellan to remember him as just solas rather than what he will become and resort to)

Least selfish character, fight me.

[ddarker-dreams]

Hi Lock!! I have a question: Outside of Blade which HSR guys do you think make good yanderes and why?

HMMM i think it'd be sunday and aventurine.

sunday is a contender for obvious reasons. a central tenet to his belief system is his willingness to sacrifice self-determination for 'paradise.' while he can understand why some might resist the idea, he remains firm in his convictions. he's the literal embodiment of 'i know what's best for you.' every instance of pain in your life is exploitable to him, made all the worse since technically, he isn't wrong. sure, hindsight is 50/50 and you could probably come to those conclusions yourself, but he doesn't stop there. he'll argue that this cycle will perpetuate itself so long as you're swept up in the chaos of the universe.

above all else, what he espouses is certainty. certainty that you won't be placed in harm's way, exposed to cruelty, or made to suffer any negative emotions. he'll frame it like a choice despite having already made up his mind. well-intentioned though misguided as this all may sound, he's a control freak to his core. press him enough and the cracks in his façade present themselves. he has to be the one to provide you with this paradise — any argument that there's potentially a better future out there for you is met with a tense smile.

"nothing and no one could hope to understand you better than i do," he'll retort. "yourself included, dearest."

aventurine's an interesting yandere because he kinda fights against the obsessive impulses. he isn't delusional enough to think restricting your life is going to win him tons of brownie points, nor would he derive pleasure from it. you're left to roam on a long leash. this, in and of itself, is a gamble. he's betting that you won't read the writing on the wall if the rose-colored glasses he encourages you to wear make the words pretty enough. this introduces a thrilling element — how much can he get away with, exactly? at what point does he cede ground, when does he hold firm?

at some point, his tendency to self-sabotage comes into play. he knows you deserve better. consequently, he shows his hand when it's arguable he would've been better off keeping his cards close to his chest. aventurine will be a bit too restrictive, or not bother to keep his manipulation subtle. maybe it's a subconscious push to save you from himself, or, far likelier, perhaps he feels himself undeserving of long-term stability.

"what? did you forget the kind of person you're dealing with?" aventurine's chuckle is caustic to both his throat and your ears. "i might not cheat when playing games, but that doesn't mean i play fair."

[thicctails]

I C R A V E more gbc au stuff: particularly with Bill: were the twins aware of Bill before gravity falls? what do they tell the twins about bill once they get there? how does bill and his parents even go about reconnecting?? I want to know more about the direct aftermath of the reunion. It's not hard to piece together Bill and Fords relationship from the journals: did they read into it the wrong direction or smth? Like Bill fucking traumatized Ford: Euclid and Scalene's estranged long lost son fucking severly traumatized and manipulated a realtive of their adoptive kids: there's gotta be more complex feelings there? Does Bill blame them for his medical trauma? do Scalene and Euclid regret that? did they have differing opinions on it back when? also like, now Bill is legit insane: what with him having been percieved insane or a ticking time bomb of insanity before how do they feel about that? do they have differeing opinions?????

FNSKJDFNSDKJ DSI C R A V E MORE FERERJSNJKFDNFKE

PLEASE FEED MEEEEE

Ask and ye shall r e c e i v e

Both Scalene and Euclid were under the impression that Bill died when Euclidea inevitably collapsed in on itself. They told Dipper and Mabel that they had a child, but never went into much detail, as it hurt too much to talk about.

(You can imagine how fucking gutted they were when they saw images of him all around the Shack. Journal 3 was just a big fat gob of salt in their open wounds)

Reconnecting for them is like a healing an infected wound: you have to cut out the rot, grit your teeth for the burn of cleaning it out, work to keep the infection away, and accept the fact that there will be a scar.

Bill is so fundamentally broken and mentally unwell that not even the Axolotl can really fix him. The best he can do is help Bill get to a point where he can begin again in a different form. But getting to that point is the real trouble. It's rotten work, a path laden with pain and suffering and hurt feelings, but it's the only option worth fighting for.

Scalene and Euclid feel immense guilt for the mistakes they made raising Bill. They allowed themselves to be pressured into trying to make their gifted son normal, and everyone they ever loved and then some ended up paying the price. Bill may have started the fire, but their misguided good intentions handed him the match.

Bill himself is a whirlwind of emotions. He is unexplainably relieved that his parents are alive, but that also means that he can no longer possess a false bravado and pretend he intentionally slaughtered his entire dimension. His past is red and blue and in his face, and the voices have only gotten louder since he saw his mother's heartbroken face. Not only that, but they have, in his eye, replaced him with two of the people destined to destroy him! They look at Shooting Star and Pinetree with all the fondness they used to look at him with, and it makes his insides burn.

They also are constantly setting off each other's triggers, like some kind of sick oroborus of trauma. Bill's powers often manifest as pyrokinesis, which isn't great when your parents are still living with the horrific injuries caused by said fire. On the other side of the coin, Euclid has been soothing the twins with gentle TV static since they were little, since his preferred method of manifestation is screen-based technology, (whereas Scalene prefers music and books) which has caused Bill to spiral into a violent panic attack more than once.

As for Ford... well, neither Cipher parent is fond of him, as i've stated, but while they don't know the entire story of how his and Bill's time together was, they know enough to know that it ended in violence and misery, and they are not so heartless that they do not feel pity for the man and disgust towards their son's actions. They make it very clear to their eldest, when they can stand to speak to each other, that he is to never possess another member of the Pines family.

He only breaks that promise once, though it was for a good reason. Gideon needed a good beat down, and Pine Tree was too hurt to make that jump without help.

[imaginechb]

If I may go on about Luke Castellan for a moment... (and no, not in a simp kinda way but genuine book discourse this time)

SPOILERS FOR PJO AHEAD IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOKS CLICK OFF NOW!!!

Something I realized the other day is that Luke himself was... never actually evil. Let me explain.

Everything Luke did was for the betterment of his life and the life of his peers. He wanted to make a better world for his kind (his kind being demigods everywhere), the goal was never some cartoonish supervillain plot of "taking over the world". He wanted to overthrow the gods so that no demigod would be ignored, neglected, abused and used ever again. That's why he did what he did.

Luke is all about the greater good. You could even make an argument for him being morally gray (meaning he doesn't care about "right" or "wrong", he only cares about his own interests and cause). He would murder the twelve year old kid he just met for the sake of bettering the entire world for good. Killing Percy would suck, yes, but in Luke's eyes, it has to be done. (Enter: the pit scorpion.)

Luke did many, many, bad and even evil things, yes. But a lot of that was under the guidance or even control of Kronos. Kronos, who was inherently evil. When we meet Luke in TLT, he's already under the influence of Kronos, and he's already scared to disobey, and he won't. Not just because he's scared, but because he truly believes in the cause he thinks he's fighting for, and because he trusted Kronos.

That's what all of this is really about. Luke put his trust in the wrong place. Kronos promised him what he wanted, yes, but was he ever going to actually give it to him? No. That's actually something I think the movies did pretty well was emphasize Kronos not actually caring about Luke or his cause, only caring about rising into power. Using him, just like the gods always had.

Luke was desperate and foolish, yes, but he himself was not evil. This is why he's able to kill himself and end the war with Kronos. He's able to regain that control and make that decision and be the hero, all because he himself is still good, despite it all. He can see what he did was wrong and does the only thing he can to fix it. He still wanted to do the right thing in the end.

Was Luke justified in his actions? Absolutely not. But was he justified in the way he felt, and what he wanted? Yes.

His whole life all he'd ever done was care for others. His mom, Thalia, Annabeth, the entirety of cabin 11, siblings or not. All of camp, really. And even though he was wrong about how he did it, him trying to overthrow the gods was for them, too. Was it a bit for himself and out of anger? Yeah, definitely. But he wanted a better life for the others, and that's why he pushed so hard for Annabeth and Thalia to join him. For his siblings and camp friends to join him.

He was misguided and put his trust in the wrong place out of desperation, but everything he did, the cause he fought for, was out of good intentions and maybe a bit of justified anger.

rant over have a nice day 😍

[antianakin]

It's really interesting to go back and look at the Jedi Apprentice series and see just how well that series actually did at showcasing how Qui-Gon's trauma from Xanatos impacts him in a negative way. There's SO MUCH fear on Qui-Gon's end about causing another apprentice to go dark because he missed it the first time. He loved Xanatos so much and can't quite come to grips with how he MISSED all of the possible signs of Xanatos going dark which means it MUST have been his fault, he must have been the one who failed, because nothing else makes sense. And so he rejects all other apprentices, even one who desperately needs him, because he genuinely believes these children are better off without him as their guide.

And even when he chooses to take Obi-Wan on out of a sense of obligation and maybe a little bit of himself starting to return and listen to the will of the Force, he's distant. He doesn't know EXACTLY what went wrong with Xanatos, but he still blames himself, so he's just doing everything differently this time around. Instead of being warm and affectionate, he's more cold and aloof, withholding a lot of his praise and validation even when we can see that he's thinking it. And of course this has the effect of deeply hurting Obi-Wan who is already suffering from the insecurity over not having been chosen at all and a lack of understanding where Qui-Gon's behavior actually comes from. Obi-Wan, like Qui-Gon, can do nothing but blame himself in order to make sense of what's happening. This obviously isn't Qui-Gon's intention at all and he doesn't even realize he's doing it, but it is an undeniable effect of his behavior on Obi-Wan.

And then Melida/Daan happens and Obi-Wan leaves, but he also ultimately chose to STAND DOWN rather than actually fight Qui-Gon. He comes close, and then makes a DIFFERENT choice to Xanatos. And in the wake of leaving Obi-Wan behind, Qui-Gon is left to just think back over their brief relationship and see things differently. Because he DOES care about Obi-Wan, of course he does, his behavior was literally done specifically out of an effort to try to KEEP Obi-Wan from turning Dark the way he'd done to Xanatos. It was a massively misguided effort, obviously, but he did believe that this was the only way to avoid that particular outcome for Obi-Wan if he was stuck with Qui-Gon as a teacher.

And then Obi-Wan calls for aid. And Qui-Gon has to start to let go of that fear in order to answer that call. Xanatos would never call for help. Xanatos would never admit weakness or failure. With Xanatos, this would be a trap. But Qui-Gon never seems to even question whether Obi-Wan is being genuine, because he does recognize by this point that Obi-Wan is NOT Xanatos. Obi-Wan's reasons for leaving Qui-Gon on Melida/Daan are borne out of compassion for a people he connected to, not anger or hatred at Qui-Gon himself. So Qui-Gon sets everything aside and goes to help Obi-Wan and the people of Melida/Daan. He does his job. And even here, in the wreckage of their relationship, there seems to be a marked difference in how they interact. Qui-Gon is professional, but kind towards Obi-Wan in a way we haven't seen before. It seems like Qui-Gon might be seeing Obi-Wan for who he is for the first time.

And when it's done, Obi-Wan asks to rejoin the Jedi at Qui-Gon's side. Qui-Gon at this point recognizes the harm he's done to Obi-Wan and still believes Obi-Wan is better off without him, though perhaps for new reasons, but he also firmly believes Obi-Wan deserves to be a Jedi and agrees to bring him back to the Temple so he can make his case to the Council. He's not scared of Obi-Wan anymore, he's not scared that he'll turn Obi-Wan dark, he just isn't certain they're particularly well-matched or that the relationship can survive the damage he's already done to it. It's the beginning of mindfulness on Qui-Gon's end.

But when they return, things are a mess and it's not a good time for Obi-Wan to make that case of his to the Council. He tries, but the Council are understandably a little wary about Obi-Wan's motivations and commitment to the Order. Qui-Gon is preoccupied with Xanatos's attack on the Temple and cannot help Obi-Wan through this, but Obi-Wan sets his own issues aside to insist on helping Qui-Gon. He has nothing to lose, so he may as well do what he can. By the time Xanatos finally falls into that acid pit, Qui-Gon has let go. He's accepted Xanatos made his own choices and that nothing Qui-Gon could've said or done would have changed that. Xanatos is not Qui-Gon's failure. Xanatos struggled for reasons Qui-Gon never could've done anything about. He couldn't help Xanatos. But he CAN help Obi-Wan. He WILL fail Obi-Wan if he can't let go of his own fears and be the master Obi-Wan needs him to be.

And there's just such CLEAR changes in Qui-Gon over the course of just the first 7 books. From someone who just suffers under that weight of guilt to someone who cares really desperately about this child he's taken on and fears showing it to someone who is actually READY to take care of this child. He's not perfectly healed by any means, nor is their relationship, but the first steps have been taken. And the drastic changes in their relationship are there, they are clear. Qui-Gon is genuinely cold towards Obi-Wan more than once early on, so it's really easy to believe why Obi-Wan gets so caught up in the conflict on Melida/Daan and would choose to stay with them rather than go back to someone he believes doesn't truly want him. But because we can see through Qui-Gon's eyes, as well, we can see that Qui-Gon DOES care, he absolutely does, he's just TERRIFIED and covering it up with this distance he's put between himself and Obi-Wan. So when he starts coming around to Obi-Wan after Melida/Daan, it doesn't come out of nowhere. We KNOW why he's able to start changing his mind, we KNOW he cared before even if Obi-Wan does not. And he finally allows himself to begin to show it to Obi-Wan, in little ways at first, and then more as the relationship keeps developing into further books.

And it's just REALLY compelling as an arc because the series goes to great pains to show both sides of the conflict, the before and the after, and really emphasize what's going on inside these characters' heads so that the complexities of what's happening actually make sense and have a sense of direction. Qui-Gon is not a monster, but the hurt he causes Obi-Wan is still very real. Obi-Wan is not selfish, but his fears do cause him to make mistakes himself. They BOTH have to learn to let go of their fears and attachments before they can connect to each other in a meaningful way.

[boopshoops]

TWST OC INTRODUCTION - TCOAV

Ezra Goldspire - Who Knows Best

Name: Ezra Goldspire

Nicknames: Ezzie, Killifish

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/him

Sexuality: Homosexual

Birthday: May 7 (Taurus)

Age: 362 (In canon and AU)

Height: 5'11 or 179cm

Voice Claim(s): Caleb Hyles

Twisted from: Mother Gothel/Esther Gothel of Tangled

Unique Magic: "What Once was Mine" Through the use of magical herbs and alchemy, Ezra is able to capture the likeness of himself and other individuals. He can share and change other's physical features with these concoctions, ranging anywhere from shoe size to facial structure to vocal coords. These changes last as long as he desires as well as under his own set conditions at the cost of requiring outside materials to complete. Typically the magic is contained in what appears to be a type of spice or powder, and the change leaves a mark/tattoo on the individual which the magic is cast to indicate what exactly was changed.

Grade: Primarily teaches Sophomores and Juniors

Class: Teaches art and music, along with being the homeroom teacher of class 3-D.

Hobbies: Alchemy, botany, herbology, singing, painting, playing the harp, improv.

Likes: Broadway, theater, pasta alla gricia, small spaces, spring, jewelry, floral arrangements, experimental learning, any music.

Dislikes: Crickets, wrinkles, scars, wasted talent, mumbling/whispering, tracking time.

Fears: Aging, other Changeling Fae, not being recognized by those he cares for, forgetting people.

Summary: As the most easygoing teacher on the entirety of campus, many of the students and fellow staff members view him as a scatter-brained daydreamer. However, his dreams filled with immense passion, as he desires for nothing more than to watch his student's talent blossom... and keep the bloom contained and protected in a glass case.

Now, don't get him wrong! He has the best intentions, of course. There are many, many scary people and places out there in this Twisted Wonderland. People who would take advantage of such bright minds. He is simply preventing that from happening. The man has been around for a long time and has been through his own share of ordeals, so he would most definitely know.

He has a big heart. While he goes about an odd, constrictive way of showing it, he does truly care. He has a hard time letting things go, and he simply wants the best for those he cares for. Ezra would spoil every single one of his students rotten if he were able. Even as a rather new professor at NRC, he wishes to guide every single one of them on the right path.

Outfit Inspiration

Author's Notes: ARGHHH MY BOY... Ezra is a very new character I made only a few months ago. He was created specifically for TCOAV, but alas I have grown attached. Given we already have quite a few gaslight gatekeep girlboss type characters over here, I decided to focus more on twisting different aspects of Mother Gothel. I particularly focused on her parental tendencies as well as her means of "caring" for Rapunzel. Whereas whether Gothel truly cares for Rapunzel or not is still up in the air, and they truly had a toxic relationship nonetheless, I wanted to make Ezra a more misguided but good individual.

[ugh-yoongi]

I haven't seen anybody write out Hobi being a librarian and I think that'd be soo cute! Sweet Hobi all smitten on a regular reader, and of course, they're a regular for a reason, but both are too nervous and self-conscious to act on any of their desires.

oh, this is so soft, i love this so much. thank you for sending it in! i hope you enjoy. <3

we're celebrating jess's birthday! hobi hours are: OPEN.

low key, no pressure

pairing: hoseok x reader (no pronouns used) genre: mutual pining, librarian au; fluff warnings: swearing, hobi being a cute disaster, this is kind of idiots to lovers but since the lovers development is implied i didn't tag it that way but just know it's there ok, taehyung is a shithead, mostly unedited. rating: e for everyone wordcount: 1.6k

Hoseok is a little misguided, is the thing.

What counts is that he has good intentions, even if they don’t hold up under closer examination. But he’s sort of a disaster of a human, so he takes Taehyung’s ribbing on the chin and forges ahead with his plan.

All because he doesn’t know how to talk to you.

He knows your favorite book because you check it out at least once a month. He knows your favorite flower because there’s a bouquet of them tattooed so artfully on your arm they look painted on. He knows your name and your address and your phone number because it’s in the system, and he has enough sense not to do anything with them.

“You could just—and I’m just spitballing here—say hello.”

Hoseok frowns. “I say hello every time…?”

Taehyung is a year younger, so it feels weird to disappoint him. Settles in his stomach all funny, like he’s doing something wrong but can’t figure out what it is. “That’s not—” Taehyung sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose. “Are you always like this? Like, this is your baseline?”

“I’m not following.”

“Clearly,” Taehyung mutters. He looks good today, Hoseok thinks. Looks like he’d woken up and put actual effort into his appearance. Looks like the summer has favorites. Doesn’t at all look like he’s on the verge of a mental break, which is more than Hoseok can say about himself. “Hyung, I’m going to ask this point-blank—”

“Maybe don’t? I’m fragile.”

“—Do you know how to flirt?”

Hoseok scoffs, all instinct. Of course he knows how to flirt. He’d flirted his way through undergrad and then grad school with great success. He flirts with the grumpy IT guy the city sends over, just because it’s funny to watch his cheeks turn a shade of red he’d previously thought was impossible. Hell, he flirts with stupidity every single day, so who is Kim Taehyung to ask him such a thing?

“Don’t ask silly questions, Taehyungie.”

“So you’re saying you do?”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

“Okay,” Taehyung shrugs, and Hoseok sighs in relief, glad that particular interrogation is over. “Flirt with me, then.”

And then he’s choking on his tea, expensive cashmere sweater now soiled with half a cup of honey vanilla chamomile. “You asshole,” he wheezes, barely able to get the words out before his throat constricts again, warning him of another impending coughing fit. “My sister bought me this sweater.”

“Noona has great taste,” comes Taehyung’s easy reply, paying no mind to Hoseok at all, “which is to be expected, of course. Now, please flirt with me once you’ve recovered.”

“Why?” Hoseok snaps, because the way he’s blotting at his sweater with a soggy napkin is humiliating. He doesn’t even have a change of clothes anymore; had taken his gym bag out of his car a few weeks ago when he’d gotten the flu.

Taehyung sighs again—put-upon, like he’s dealing with an obtuse child. “Because I’m trying to facilitate true love, and I can’t send you into battle unprepared.”

Hoseok just glares. He’s going to have to spend his lunch break running back to his apartment to change.

Right, the plan.

It’s all dependent on you sticking to your routine, which goes like this: every Sunday afternoon, without fail, you swing by the library and make pleasant small talk with Taehyung as you return your books. Taehyung, without fail, asks what you thought of them and recommends new ones accordingly. You always smile and say thank you, and your voice always sounds like church bells.

(“That’s because you want to mar—” “I will fire you if you finish that thought.”)

Hoseok is always conveniently absent during these exchanges, pretending to do paperwork in his office. This is why Taehyung calls him a coward, and that’s probably true, it’s just… Hoseok has talked to you enough times to develop a big fat crush, and that’s not acceptable. He doesn’t even know you; doesn’t want to romanticize you and put you on a pedestal.

Hence the plan.

If he can’t talk to you with words, he’ll do it with books.

It’s genius, regardless of what Taehyung thinks.

But Taehyung is integral to the plan, so Hoseok has to get him on board. “Look, I already put it together, I just need you to… suggest it.”

“You mean be manipulative.”

“It’s not manipulative,” Hoseok argues, sending a glare Taehyung’s way. “It’s no different from you suggesting books any other time.”

“I just don’t understand why you can’t just say hi, I really dig your taste in literature, would you like to grab a coffee sometime? It’s not that hard, hyung, you really don’t need to do all of…” He points at the stack of books Hoseok has assembled. “...This.”

There’s about three seconds before Hoseok explodes, and Taehyung must realize it because he’s throwing his hands up and going fine, fine and helping sort the books.

As annoying as Taehyung can be, he really is a great salesman.

Powerful, too, because Hoseok wouldn’t have lasted a second in your presence. Probably would’ve melted under the warmth of your smile; would’ve withered as soon as you strolled in with your tattoo visible; would’ve fallen to his knees the second you said hello.

Taehyung has done none of those things, which Hoseok knows because he’s standing on a chair, watching from the window in his office. He knows Taehyung can see his face peeking through the blinds, keeps rolling his eyes whenever the two of them make eye contact, but he schools his expression and keeps Hoseok’s secret safe.

“I actually have some special recommendations for you today,” he hears Taehyung say. Watches as he hands over the bundle of paperbacks. “Our lovely head librarian thought you might be interested in these. He picked them out just for you.”

You look taken aback. It sends Hoseok into a panic, wondering if he’d gone too far. Maybe he should’ve listened to Taehyung, after all, but surely a stack of books is less forward and weird than a coffee date? You can just not read the books and return them if they aren’t your thing, but turning someone down face-to-face is much harder.

No, no—Hoseok did the right thing. He has to have faith in the plan.

“Wow,” you reply, a beautiful smile lighting up your face. “These look great. Please tell him I said thank you.”

Taehyung’s smile is not beautiful. It’s greasy and smarmy. “Oh, I most certainly will.”

Taehyungie (11:32am): Can’t make it into work today, hyung Taehyungie (11:32am): I’m super sick Taehyungie (11:32am): Sorry 😉

Hoseok can’t believe what he’s seeing.

Kim Taehyung is a traitor. A treasonist. A miscreant. Another word for a disloyal person who is not only willing to abandon his hyung in his time of need, but is gleeful about it.

What could Hoseok possibly have done in a past life to deserve this?

Doesn’t matter, he decides. This is totally fine. Hoseok’s going to prove Taehyung wrong. He’s going to have a proper conversation with you. He’s going to ask what you thought about the books he’d chosen. He’s going to recommend new ones. He’s going to flirt. He might even ask if you want to grab coffee sometime, and he’s going to relay all of this to Taehyung right before he tells him to go to hell.

Just one small hiccup: he has to survive you first.

You’re surprised to see him, and the way your eyes widen makes Hoseok’s heart skip a beat. God, he’s worse off than he thought. Gets worse when you reach the circulation desk and he can smell your perfume: something soft and earthy that reminds him of a spring breeze. Has his knees shaking, on the verge of buckling beneath him, and it’s only through pure spite that he stays upright.

“Good afternoon,” he says with a small wave.

You smile. “Hi, Hoseok. Haven’t seen you up here in a while.”

“Ah, well, you know. Paperwork.”

You nod, but the jerky motions of your head tell Hoseok you probably don’t do much paperwork at your job. “Yeah, of course. Is Taehyung out today?”

“Yep, took a sick day.” He shouldn’t, but he thinks Taehyung deserves it: “Sent me a text this morning and said it was coming out both ends. Seems bad.” You’re grimacing. Oh god, you’re grimacing. “Anyway! Here for your weekly return?”

Like a switch has been flipped, you scramble into action, reaching into your tote bag to retrieve the books. “I—yeah, sorry, let me just…”

“Sure, take your time. Did you like them?”

“Yes,” you answer, gaze slowly rising to meet his own. There are words clearly biting at the back of your teeth and, like Hoseok has done a million times before, you swallow them. Slowly, you hand over all the books but one. “I especially liked this one.”

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. Hoseok had agonized over that one for days, wondering if it was too much, if it’d send the wrong message. Some of the other books were more obvious, but this one was… well. It’s not what was said that’s important, it’s what wasn’t, and Hoseok had concocted that stupid plan because he couldn’t say what he wanted to.

But you’re handing it over with a hesitation that has Hoseok smiling despite himself. “Would you like to hang onto it a little longer?”

“Would that be okay?”

“Of course.” And then, because he’s brave and he doesn’t want to end up like one of Ishiguro’s characters, he takes advantage of a fleeting moment of bravery. “Maybe we could—aish. Would you like to discuss it over coffee sometime? The book, I mean. With me.”

You nod, and your smile is shy. “I would love to.”

[k-dokja]

Wow, it has been a year since I last wrote something for him.

Summary: Your relationship is strange and perplexing. Neither of you mind it, it's no one else's business.

There is a line.

A clear line between you and Jonggun that you’ve accepted from the day you were introduced to him. The line which serves to be an invisible barrier between the two of you, thinner than thread but thick enough to keep the two of you from crossing it.

You can’t say you care for it. Not when you have no intention of crossing the line. Jonggun, however, does whatever he wants and he seldom thinks about the consequences of his actions if what he does bring him personal gratification. Because of that, on more than one occasion, you’ve seen him toeing the line, having a whole foot over even. You always patiently watched to see what he will do next, but after the third time this happened, you came to the conclusion that he only wanted to see you hold your breath in anticipation.

Afterwards, you stop caring.

While formality dictates that the two of you need to be faithful during your engagement, he cannot care less about it and the idea is appalling for you. Neither of you cares enough about the other to need some misguided loyalty. Even if you did, you doubt you’d ever receive it from him. You save yourself the grief by never bothering to care about it. He doesn’t have a problem with his freedom either. All is well in the world.

Until it isn’t.

“So, what are you to him, anyway?”

Joongoo, too nosy for his own good, always has a way to squirm his way into matters that shouldn’t be his to care about. You don’t really mind. You never bother to make sense of him, he’s useful enough that all of his downsides stop being a problem.

Tolerable enough that sometimes it amuses you to entertain him.

“Business partners,” you reply without glancing up from your phone. It wouldn't be your first choice to spend your free time lounging around with Joongoo, but there are worse options, you guess.

“Naur,” Joongoo says, “I’m business partner with him, business nemeses-with-benefits depending on days, but you are not his business partner.”

You glance at him. Trying to figure out what’s going on his pretty little head is a fool’s errand. You don’t even know where his nonsense begins and where his sense ends. At least, you aren’t so busy that his probing would become a bother.

“Pardon?” You say. “Him and I, we have common business ventures and same goals for expansion. What would we be if not business partners?”

Joongoo clicks his tongue, “You people sleep with your business partners?”

You snort, more amused by his misunderstanding than offended. “We aren’t sleeping together.” If this has been a year ago, you’d have said you don’t know where he gets the idea from. At this point in time, however, you’ve weathered enough people getting the wrong idea that his assumption sounds trivial to your ears.

“Aren’t you?” Joongoo asks, “Then what’s this weird vibe I’m getting from you two?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” you resist smirking, you truly do, “what’s this exact vibe you see in us?”

He shrugs, “Dunno, like, you’re too comfortable with each other and shit,” he says, “either you’ve done the tango naked or something else is going on here.”

“I like your imagination. Very vivid.” You narrow your eyes at him but say nothing more about it. The discussion alone is silly and entertaining him for this long is the extent of your generosity.

"You know I'm right," he grumbles, "Even if you aren't sleeping together, there's something there. You'd be lying if you said there isn't."

You've returned to your phone by this point, and your attention to him is torn in half but at least you continue to answer, "Well, of course there's something there. We're engaged to be wed and until either of us found it enough of a nuisance to break the engagement off, we're bound by this thin thread of obligation we cannot care less for."

"Is that what you think?"

A third voice. Masculine. Familiar, and deeper than Joongoo's. You don't even need to look up to see Jonggun entering the room. You don't have to see him to know what face he's making either. Utterly impartial and mildly amused, the bare minimum of expression.

"Isn't it the truth?" You say. "Pretending otherwise would only be kidding ourselves."

Jonggun stops behind you, his hand is set on the back of your chair. He dips low enough that when he speaks, you feel his breath fan against your ears. The only indication that it affects you is the slightest twitch at the corner of your mouth. One you doubt he can see but know it's there anyway.

"And what if I want otherwise?"

You turn to level your eyes with his, your smile saccharine sweet. "If you wish for an early death then you should take the matter into your own hands, don't involve me in it." With that said and done, you go back to your phone, and your interest in the entire conversation vanishes.

"You're sure she's the nicest one out of us?" Joongoo drawls.

You don't need to see to know Jonggun is smiling when he says next, "Was there ever a doubt?"

[sepublic]

            Tbh not a fan of how some people are so obsessed with framing Belos as some sympathetic, tragic character on account of his parallels with Luz, that they basically rob him of any and all agency to reduce Philip to some mindless follower of his puritan community, even in their explicit absence while having the support of Caleb, whose opinion he should prioritize if it was truly about what others have told him. This woobified take of some superstitious dingus/helpless child who can’t make any decisions for himself feels infantilizing and at odds with how Belos is actually portrayed in the show.

         Plus, the whole argument of “That’s how it was back then” in order to justify or at least explain Philip’s bigotry feels rather hollow, because like. Not only does Caleb (who was also a child not much older) exist, but this rationale was used to justify a lot of historical people’s pro-slavery attitudes, because “it was just normal” back then, so surely we can’t judge these people by modern standards, right? Especially not to replace a Confederate statue, right?

         (For the record, I highly doubt people who use this logic in regards to Belos are intentional about this comparison, I don’t think they made this connection and still went with it anyway.)

         Except people back in the day DID call this behavior out, there were always people opposing it, hence the existence of a character like Caleb. And this is a point that’s being raised a lot in regards to this subject about judging people of the past with contemporary values. Abolitionists existed just plenty in the past, and it’s their work that led to this social change over time.

         Plus, the framing of Philip as some superstitious Puritan who genuinely believed in his church’s teachings about sin, and is legitimately concerned for people’s souls, indirectly presents him as only needing a good argument and evidence to change his mind. Except we see how Philip is a highly intelligent, calculating individual who can figure people out like it’s nothing, extremely observant and approaching his analysis of the Demon Realm with a professionalism bordering on the scientific method.

         That scene in For the Future, where he’s confronted by alleged ghosts? I think it’s meant to support what the Titan clarifies in the next episode; That Belos KNOWS he’s wrong, that he’s just lying about it. The problem isn’t that he needs to realize this, it’s that he already has, but won’t admit this to himself to change his behavior in response. I doubt Philip truly believes there’s a God expecting something of everyone. And remember Grom, when Luz says “You’re not coming from a place of intellectual honesty, so debating you would be pointless!”

         Jacob Hopkins strays close to the Dudebro image that Luz directs this line at; And we see how he’s not actually driven by reasoning, but by a delusional need to be the hero. And Jacob’s comparisons to Belos need not be stated; A lot of fascists AREN’T approaching from a place of actual logic that can thus be reasoned with, hence why punching them is a necessity.

         It’s not as if they’re just working with faulty evidence that they’ve drawn a misguided conclusion from; They come in with a predisposed ‘conclusion’ they’ve already decided on, and then look only for the evidence to support it. Which is ironic, given what I said about Philip appearing to be someone who would use the scientific method in his studies, but bias is bias. It’s like how other races being inferior was made up to justify slavery as an economic boon; Rather than people naturally assuming other races to be inferior, and THEN making slavery as a result of that conclusion.

         The bigotry is all an intentional excuse made to justify an ulterior, power-hungry motive; Why else does Thanks to Them frame other witch hunters as just making things up about their neighbors to seize their property? And remember when I compared King James I of historical infamy to Philip, speculating that his real-life book on witchcraft may have influenced Philip’s diary from a writing perspective, if not an in-universe one as well? A lot of people speculate James didn’t necessarily believe in witches as a threat to humanity; He just latched onto them as a scapegoat to legitimize his power. Because if the agents of Hell see you as a threat, doesn’t that suggest you as divinely ordained?

         And I think that ties into Philip’s shallow understanding of the Demon Realm; These people are inherently evil, so if they do anything to hate or oppose him, it’s because Philip is actually an agent of Good, a divine hero, and all of these demons are some magical hivemind that uniformly collaborate to prioritize opposing Good. He’s every bully who needles and harasses a minority, and acts vindicated when they DO lash out, as the creator of a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

        And while there’s a lot to be said about not feeding the beast, sometimes you just HAVE to defend yourself, and not care about proving your worth to someone who isn’t approaching from a place of good faith, whose approval is meaningless, especially if it comes at the risk or even cost of your own safety. Hence all this real life discussion of queers and other minorities not having to be palatable to deserve rights.

         In the end, I see Philip Wittebane as akin to Walter White, of Breaking Bad fame; I’m sure he DID legitimately care about his family, to an extent. But if it really was just about them, and not the cheap thrill of some power fantasy, he’d have accepted the help given to him, instead of going on this ridiculous quest to accumulate strength so he can become the Biggest, Baddest person who can crush his enemies.

        And in his constant pursuit of that high, what concern for his family and others he might’ve had withers away into nothing; Until the Titan’s summation of Philip as someone who only believes in his delusional need to be the hero doesn’t just make sense from her in-universe perspective, but as a description with implied authorial backing. Family? That was just an excuse, but at least Walter White had the guts to admit this aloud to someone else.

[hestzhyen]

Kagurabachi, Family, and Abuse

(This is kind of heavy, so please take care if you choose to read.)

I can't stress enough how much I love Kagurabachi for it's nuanced takes on complicated issues. Legacy, abuse, trauma, and the people involved in these cycles- very sensitive stuff that should be handled with great care. So this manga taking the time to examine issues with delicacy is surprising for an action series where the MC and his foes lose limbs on the regular. The Rakuzaichi arc won me over heart and soul because of how it tackled abusive families in particular.

I don't think it's controversial to say that leaving your abusers behind to focus on yourself is a key part of healing. But when family is involved, that component tends to get scrambled or lost entirely. Somehow if it's a relative or a sibling or a parent, the situation is changed. The victim should try harder to work things out. The onus is on them to find out what's wrong and fix it somehow; become less vulnerable. Even the most saintly, well-meaning ally can fall into the trap of telling the victim that blood-related abusers somehow deserve extra grace. They're abusers but they're also family, after all. Families love each other and good intentions should mean a lot.

We see it all the time in media too. A parent lashes out in anger. A sibling destroys precious, irreplaceable mementos. A cousin bullies and their parents do nothing. Blood relations hit and hurt and do awful things. But family is family at the end of the day, so they come together to heal with tears and apologies. Everyone is suffering in some way but it'll be okay if they stick together and work through the pain. Pan out, roll credits.

Obviously the Sazanami clan was far more skewed towards villainy than what we see in the real world. But the extra context given to Kyoura right before his death humanized all of them. They were abusers who were trapped in the cycle by misguided devotion to familial duty. And now that the cycle is broken, the family has their chance to heal. Braidbro was told to help the little kids and honor Tenri's sacrifice by letting them avoid his fate, so hopefully they manage it. No more slavish devotion to the auction above familial bonds. They can come together with tears and apologies and work towards a better future.

Yet Hakuri won't be there to see it.

In another series, he might have stayed to help after working with Chihiro proved he was strong enough to stand on his own. Hakuri could have rebuilt the family with a new purpose since he's the first since the progenitor to naturally inherit the subspace sorcery. He'd have the clout to do it, being the only one able to ensure business returns to normal. He even landed the killing blow on Soya to prove his resolve and signal a shift in the family's status quo. It would have been even more vindication for him to go from family embarrassment to patriarch, and who doesn't love it when the underdog comes out on top? He could be the one to fix things! But taking over the family would have truly been a bad end for him- proof that he was still trapped.

Because what could possibly make up for what Hakuri endured all that time? No amount of crying and saying sorry and promising to do better heals an abuse victim. Braidbro and Sazasis could make sure he's waited on hand and foot for the rest of his life but the damage was done long ago. The emotional pain lingers far longer than the broken bones and torn skin. Even if Soya was the only one going so far as to use peelers and pliers on him, Hakuri was abused by all of them. They all agreed -implicitly or tacitly- to ostracize him and give him the worst jobs. We saw him getting ganged up on to be kicked and gut-punched. Kyoura wasn't the only one to deliberately look away. Hakuri's torture was a family affair.

So to see him walk free of it all makes my heart soar. Because Hokazono fucking gets it. The victim shouldn't be on the hook to lead the reform effort once the situation is exposed. They shouldn't even have to participate in group therapy. In order to truly heal, they need to leave. And Hakuri choosing to do so was framed as the best possible thing he could have done in the moment, thank god. No "but they're still family" guilt tripping from the author here. Hell, Hokazono even went out of his way to make sure Shiba gave Hakuri a clear out. Fuck rehabilitating abusive families thanks to the victim's hard work. Fuck glorifying victims becoming irreproachable ubermensches to stop "inviting" abuse. And a flying fuck off to giving the family the benefit of the doubt by waiting around to witness the improvement process. Hakuri is finally free to move on without looking back, as is every victim's right.

Kagurabachi went above and beyond my expectations for having this be the culmination of his arc. I was a bit worried that a story so strongly focused on family bonds would fall into the same pitfalls as many before it. I've been burned by authors mishandling familial abuse with "family above all" messaging way too many times. But we saw that dumbass mindset blatantly and thoroughly deconstructed into fine particulate matter at the end of the Rakuzaichi arc. And it's really sold me on Hokazono's ideals and storytelling in a way that the Sojo arc didn't.

This manga is more than just flashy sword fights and considering how best to honor and interpret family legacies now. Sometimes, families and their legacies are in fact too toxic to be allowed to continue. And thank god the abused kid doesn't have to be the one to help the family fix their shit after it all comes crashing down. I hope future arcs continue to showcase this level of sensitivity and care for the different types of pain the characters are going through.

[crazyringo]

Okay. Since I've started playing HSR, I hardly surfed Tumblr for any theories. Mostly started doing so 2.0 onwards, and most of them are pretty interesting reads. However, one theory for 2.3 has me lukewarm since it first started... And that's Sunday potentially becoming a Stellaron Hunter.

While interesting in theory, I honestly don't really see it happening. Yes, Elio is indeed striving towards the Script that displays a better future for everyone. And yeah, okay, Sunday wanted to ensure everyone's happiness within the dreamscape and with this line of thinking we can assume he'd want to ensure the best possible future for everyone being a Stellaron Hunter. And while we can all agree that he's a misguided good boy with good intentions, I still don't see him joining the group.

Here's why (my opinion): He'd be leaving Robin behind.

His beloved sister who, despite his betrayal (and by that I mean being the cause for Robin's singing voice), still hugged and forgive him for his mistakes. Despite the fact that he had failed to achieve his goal, he was still loved by the one person he cared for most. I honestly don't see him leaving her behind...

And if he did join the Stellaron Hunters, who by the way are considered to be dangerous criminals/terrorists among other things by the IPC and the rest of the cosmos, it'd be damning for Robin's career as a renowned songstress since she's related to Sunday, who's a family head and most likely a well-known authoritative figure outside of Penacony. I wouldn't be surprised if Robin had mentioned his name every so often whenever she did her thank you speeches in interviews on radio and/or TV

Moreover, before his boss fight, he did say that he wanted a fair fight with the Trailblazer. He wanted to see whose ideal was stronger. Clearly, it was the Trailblazer's. Personally, I see Sunday being a man of his word. He's confident, righteous, and very clever for his age. I don't see him being a sore loser. And since Robin forgave him, I'd like to think that he would no longer push himself as hard as he did before. For me, Robin's hug tells Sunday he's no longer alone. That no matter what happens next with the Family they will still have each other to rely on. I really adore/admire their bond as siblings and the theory of Sunday potentially becoming a Stellaron Hunter kind of saddens me if they're going to be apart

Now, if Hoyoverse DOES go through with this theory... Fine. I will accept it for what it is, but they better do a damn good job of it narrative wise. And if he doesn't, that will be great for me because the Halovian siblings will be together.

Not to mention, story wise, Firefly has mentioned more than once that the reason why she's in Penacony is to guide the Astral Express to the truth of what's going on. There was no mention of potential recruitment concerning her Script. Who knows? That might possibly change in 2.3, but with everything else going on story wise with Sparkle, the IPC, and the Family I highly doubt it's going to happen.

Don't get me wrong. I love Sunday's character, and I'm sure that he'd be a great asset to the Stellaron Hunters if he becomes one. I just don't see it. If anything, I'd rather have him be a new member in the Astral Express. Robin could be calm and pretty much be free of worries if her brother is surrounded by people she can trust. And they could communicate on the phone and write letters to each other when they have the time/arrive at a new planet. She'd be worried sick if Sunday was with the Stellaron Hunters, and of course if that were to happen there's hardly going to be any communication between them. I'd like our chicken wing siblings to be in a safe environment, thank you! 😤

Overall, the Penacony storyline has been awesome. Though, admittedly, I was kind of disappointed on the lack of Silver Wolf. Was hoping to see more screen time with her since she's paired up with Firefly for this assignment but~ nope! Our Wolfie, yet again, works from the sidelines. Other than that minor complaint, it's definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for me as I played through the story. And while I am excited for 2.3, I am also apprehensive about it...

Something deep down in my gut tells me that we're going to lose someone in the finale. And if not our precious Firefly, then it's going to be our good boy Sunday.

I really don't have much thoughts for Firefly aside from I obviously don't want her to die, so I can't speak much there. For Sunday, on the other hand, I can. I am scared for this boy. Fear has gripped my heart the moment I heard his voice line on that clue we find on the Grand Theater.

Sunday. Is. Scared.

Since the moment he's been introduced, he's been nothing but cool, calm, and collected. Now, this poor boy is scared. Considering he had failed miserably on what the Family had been planning for years, I would not be surprised if they throw the poor boy to the wolves. The wolves being the IPC. Since Jade is now in Penacony... I predict that this will not end well.

Aside from attempting to reclaim Penacony for the IPC, I wouldn't be surprised if Jade mentions about Aventurine's mistreatment during his stay with one of the Family heads to get a word in edge wise. To which, they would simply say, "We know. He's no longer one of us. Do as you see fit." Giving Sunday over to the IPC in exchange for Penacony's independence in the name of "Harmony" so that said "Harmony" would be restored on both sides. If that line of thought more or less happens on 2.3, I sincerely hope that the Astral Express will be able to save him before it's too late. That, or maybe the Family will use Sunday as collateral and force Robin to cooperate with their plan B to ensure Sunday's safety (I really hope not)

Something also tells me that we as the Trailblazer are going to be forced to make a very, very difficult choice for 2.3... As in, one or the other kind of scenario. And, of course, there's only ONE right answer in said choice and I really hate those...! *Glares at Black Swan, who forces you to hear out Aventurine's truth, despite me not trusting him (still don't tbh. I'd rather trust Sampo, and that's also bad lol)*

But yeah, those are my current thoughts as of now. Might be wrong on some things, but I at the very least wanted to put my thoughts out there before 2.3 arrives. I'm looking forward to the next update, and I definitely can't wait to bring my darling Firefly home! I'll finally have a full Stellaron Hunter team~! Jade, too. Me love evil gorgeous lady! 💕

Good luck on your pulls everyone~!

[many-but-one]

Trauma Informed Biases and TERFs

In light of my ex-best friend being outed as a TERF, I think I want to have a series of discussions. Mainly about the biases that we (community "we") can have and that trauma and biases work hand in hand, and how we cannot allow trauma-informed biases impact our decision making or critical thinking skills, but also a bit about my experiences as a trans man and how being trans yourself doesn't mean you automatically escape transmisogyny. (Spoiler alert: while I'd never say I was transmisogynistic in action, I was in some part biased due to my past traumas, and having a transfemme partner and seeing the way she's treated by others just for existing had to make me rethink everything I understood about what it meant to be a trans woman, which has made me a better person--and I believe a better partner, too.)

First, I'm going to talk a bit about trauma-informed biases. As trauma survivors, we all have them. For example, we were primarily abused by white, Christian men. By all accounts, when we encounter a white, Christian man, we are immediately wary of his intentions. Often without even knowing him or trying to know him, we will already assume he's just like our abusers deep down. While that may sometimes be true, more often than not, a white Christian male who hasn't done much self reflection and growth will mainly just be misogynistic to various degrees and probably not understand the weight of his privilege. That doesn't automatically make him a pedophile who tortures kids like our abusers were.

Branching off from that, and narrowing it down, we get to the meat of the problem, which is men. We have met and known cis men who are by all accounts nothing like our abusers, in fact, the exact opposite. They are sensitive, they are caring, they know their privilege and use it to uplift the voices of their female friends. They are avid supporters of the queer community even if they aren't a part of it. While they are sometimes misguided, they are also always open to learn more and be corrected and change. There are good men out there. However, this doesn't make our bias towards men change. We were hurt by men, we know others who have been hurt by men. People both AFAB and AMAB have been harmed and subjugated by men for centuries, so it's not like it's coming from only our experiences with men.

However, this is where the problem lies. While it's okay to be wary of men for our safety, outright hating ALL men is where it gets dicey. That's where radfem ideology will suck people in, specifically AFAB people. They feel wronged by men, they have been hurt by men, so of course in their mind, men have to pay in some way. Feminism on its own sets to destroy the patriarchy and keep everyone on even ground, whereas radfem ideology often trickles into spaces related to that vengeance aspect of men needing to pay for what they have done in some way. And truly, I can understand. From the bottom of my heart, I can understand. I want the men who hurt me and hurt my friends to pay too. Vengeance (or justice, as many would prefer to call it) is a tantalizing concept, even if only in theory due to how shoddy the justice system is at actually bringing any justice to survivors' lives.

And when an AFAB person enters a radfem space, they will immediately be in danger of developing TERF ideology. This is what happened to the aforementioned friend. Most people will already know who I'm talking about. I think they started in a good place, but the biases that they already held within them were taken advantage of, and they let their trauma-informed biases take root and allow them to follow that TERF path. For the record, they still deny being a TERF, but as everyone has already seen, they most certainly are. TERFs will *rarely* actually self-identify as a TERF, even if they are spouting the most clearly TERF-ridden ideology known to man. The reason for this is because TERF is a "bad word" (rightfully so) and the baby radfems out there who are trying to avoid becoming a TERF are going to start by avoiding anyone who self-identifies as a TERF. Which of course, is not what TERFs want. They want baby radfems to feel welcome and not immediately shun what they teach them, because TERFs do eventually want those anti-TERF baby radfems to eventually become TERFs just like them.

[As a side tangent: I know I sound like I'm calling TERFs predatory in the way I describe their tactics, but I'm going to be completely honest in the way I believe a lot of TERFs utilize cult tactics to find new radfems or radfems who are on the fence between feminism and radical feminism and get them to join their cause. If you examine the BITE model (Behavior, Information, Thought, Emotion)--what is often used to define a cult--it's very clear that TERFs WILL use emotion-based tactics and manipulative tactics to get baby radfems to join their cause, and once their thought processes get changed and they lose their friends who don't jive with those beliefs, they get stuck in the echo chamber. And then they'll get pressured to believe more and more extreme things with the threat of ostracization from the "in-group" for not agreeing. And if someone has already lost all of their friends for joining this in-group in the first place, where else to go but to stay? See what I'm getting at, here? While they may not be as damaging to their own members as some cults, they DO cause a threat to others, namely transfemmes. People in power who share those beliefs make laws that distinctly work to harm transfemmes, e.g. JK Rowling providing massive amounts of funding towards anti-trans legislature.]

So how does this relate to trauma-informed biases? How do we get from disliking or hating men to becoming a TERF? Well, because TERFs utilize bioessentialism as a weapon. They reduce everyone down to the parts that they have (or were observed to have) at birth. While a TERF may not outright say "everyone born with a penis deserves to die" they WILL outright say things like "well, I just think AFAB people ("real women") should be allowed to have spaces that are only for them, you know? They shouldn't be forced to be around women who aren't AFAB" (if they will even acknowledge that trans women are women at all, more often they consider trans women to be men masquerading as women or accuse transfemmes of outright trying to invade women's spaces to hurt them). This is especially apparent in the lesbian side of TERFdom, where they try to use the justification of "not being attracted to penises" to explain that trans women shouldn't be allowed in their spaces. Which, to be completely honest, I do think it's fine to be attracted to certain genitalia and turned off by other people's genitalia, but you also shouldn't let that guide you toward completely excluding trans women from lesbian spaces. You can just choose to not date trans women and call it a day. Is it pretty lame to reduce someone to a set of parts and only date someone based on a set of parts? Yeah, it is, but you're within your rights to date who you want to. You just shouldn't exclude them from the entire space altogether based on your preferences.

For the record, I used to be part of this group of people right here. There was nothing I had against trans women, I was just extremely terrified of the parts they have due to my past traumas, and I didn't want to make a trans woman feel like I was afraid of them for the parts that they have. I didn't want my fear of sexual situations with her to ruin whatever romantic attraction we could have, and I was certain for a long time that this would be true forever.

Until I met my current partner, who is a trans woman.

I'm going to segue into how being a trans man (technically we are genderfluid but we usually present as a trans man to most people) doesn't automatically mean you cannot hold biases against trans women or even be outright transmisogynistic, and that while I do believe trans men have their own slew of issues related to being trans men (such as being perceived as a traitor to your AGAB, or the first time you get clocked as your correct gender but not in the gender affirming way, in the way that the women that you have always held so much community with think you're a cis man and are afraid of you. That's a tough one to come to terms with, personally, and is also why our system tends to lay within the "butch lesbian/faggy trans guy" section of transmasc, so that while we definitely do get clocked more often, it also helps the women we care about so much in our communities know we're not cis. Because no, our goal is not to be to be as cis as cis can be and so our gender ambiguity that we express does us a lot of favors while also opening other doors for trouble, like harassment for appearing as a faggy trans guy or as someone who's clocked as a lesbian) they are a completely different ballgame than what trans women have to deal with on a daily basis just for existing as they do.

Things I've learned about trans women's experiences that I never knew before:

-They may never be able to fully pass and that puts them in danger of harassment or even death for the rest of their lives

-if they come off as too loud or too intense for someone, they will immediately see them as a danger even if the transfemme in question is one of the kindest human beings you've ever had the pleasure of meeting

-if they don't talk in the somewhat-stereotypical "quiet, demure, trans girl" voice or for any reason dress in a more butch or non-hyperfeminine style, they are going to be seen as a threat despite any actions they will have done to prove they are not a threat

-if a trans woman likes to be around kids, some people are going to immediately assume they're a pedophile. This one deeply saddens and disgusts me more than I can even describe

-if they are talkative or ask a lot of questions about something and they come off as a little too pushy or are socially awkward/autistic, people are going to immediately assume they need to be afraid of her despite there being no evidence of that being a conclusion that needs to be jumped to, or they may label her as "creepy"

-if she decides not to opt for sex change surgeries then she's clearly just a man pretending to be a woman, if she opts for sex change surgeries, she's a trap. Same for if she passes well or not. If she passes well, she's a trap, if she doesn't pass well, she's a freak

-people will assume she's always trying to manipulate them in some way, as mentioned above. If she passes well, she's manipulating them and tricked them (usually for sex, but could also happen in a romantic situation). If she tries to disclose that she's trans early on, she might risk out on them leaving her just for being trans and not actually getting to know her as a person

-if she's into sex or hypersexual and comes off strong, at best she might be labeled as pushy or creepy, at worse she may be labeled as a rapist

-additionally, trans women are extremely fetishized, but once she has autonomy and is seen as an actual person and not a fetish object, all of that attraction goes away and she's seen as a trap or gross or whatever other vile concoctions people have come up with to describe trans women in a sexual light.

-many, many more things that I couldn't even begin to list in this post.

All of these affect a trans woman every single day. She's at nearly just as much if not just as much at risk of attack as cis women are. She's much more likely to hear the word tranny in a negative context than a trans guy is. While a trans guy could get called a tranny, sure, they're significantly less likely to be attacked or even killed for being trans. Trans men are often labeled as "confused little girls" which is infantalizing, yes, but trans women are often labeled as creeps, rapists, or manipulative/evil people. Imagine what that does to a person's sense of self? Their self image? Even if she's never done anything remotely that bad, she's going to be labeled that anyway.

And gods forbid she ever does anything that could be seen as kinda "weird" or "bad"--not in the morally reprehensible sense. I mean like she cheated on someone or she does drugs or she says something a little tone deaf ten years ago. Trans women are forced to live life on their tiptoes for fear of being told they are evil monsters. I've seen with my own fucking eyes someone who I thought was an ally to transfemmes (they were dating a transfemme!!!) who immediately demonized another trans girl because she was socially awkward and autistic. Tried to make assumptions that she must be abusive to her partner, tried to claim that because of one interaction with this girl, they already knew that she had antisocial behavior (which I find funny that she says this to us, someone who has significant ASPD traits), which to me alludes that they believe she could be manipulative and hurtful. All because she was a bit awkward in a social gathering! I was appalled and disgusted by this, and it really opened the door beyond what I'd heard from my partner already the types of things that trans girls have to deal with from people that are within their own community that they should be able to trust.

So what does this have to do with not letting our trauma-informed biases rule the way we think about others? I'll keep it as simple as possible with this little flow chart:

Someone (usually AFAB) has trauma with men -> they hate men -> they join the feminism movement -> they veer into radfem spaces because of how vocal radfems are about hating men and they feel they are justified to believe this because of the harm men have caused them personally -> they become a TERF because radfems see people as a set of parts rather than what they actually are -> TERFs spread hatred and vitriol towards trans women in particular -> that hate and vitriol leaks into the LGBTQ+ community because a large number of TERFs are lesbian cis women -> trans women are unable to feel safe even in their own communities

Trans women deserve to feel safe in their own communities. You can be the biggest trans woman supporter ever and still not be a good ally. I thought I was a great ally to trans women before I realized that I was equating trans women's struggles with my struggle as a trans man. And until you really understand what they go through and see it with your own eyes, you may never truly realize just how difficult it is to exist as a trans woman AND you may realize you had biases you didn't even know you had. Existing as a trans man =/= existing as a trans woman. I didn't even realize I had any bias towards trans girls until I realized that I had decided (rather young I might add) that I wouldn't date a trans girl because of the fact that she was AMAB. I didn't realize how much this completely screwed up my view of trans women until I examined it under a microscope, AFTER I fell in love with a trans girl. I don't want y'all to feel like you have to fall in love with a trans girl to understand their struggle and to question your own biases. (though I will say, dating a trans woman has been the best relationship of my life, I love her so much).

Examining your biases and understanding what is trauma-informed and what is an actual issue is paramount. Being wary of cis men is kind of a given, considering the amounts of violence cis men do upon people and have been doing upon people for hundreds upon hundreds of years, but you can't let yourself get into the rut of outright hating cis men just because you've been hurt by cis men in the past.

Interestingly, I've also been abused by cis women, though rarely in as violent of contexts as cis men. I've made myself look at that under a lens too and it made me realize that I greatly distaste old women, and for me, especially if they are 50 and older--though some parts of my system also struggle with any woman older than her mid thirties. I will almost immediately assume an old woman doesn't have my best interests at heart, though it's different than with cis men. While I may assume a cis man might violently assault me in one form or another, I typically have different assumptions with older women and it's definitely something I'm going to have to also examine under a microscope and try to pick apart to really understand if my assumptions are based on verifiable truth ("all old women are bad," like the "all men are bad" assumption) or based on my traumas. My traumas are my own personal truth, but I can't let that affect my relationships I have with men and older women for the rest of my life. Or I could end up a TERF, or like one of those people who were happy that old people were dying of COVID. What a miserable way to live, you know?

-Delphine (she/her)

[super-hero-confessions]

The fact that there are people not willing to understand the political commentary being made with The Boys is not only mind boggling, it irks and disturbs me. I am begging people to please try to understand and stop being so childish about what they don't or maybe even look at the world around them to see why what's being presented might be more relevant than they realize.

1. The show and comic are satire. They make political commentary in often the most crude way it can be presented whether you like it not. It's fine if you don't like satire or political commentary but don't sit there and complain about it when you knew what you were getting into before it got this far. Nothing about that has changed. If you are someone who unironically takes satire seriously at face value rather than trying to listen to the message? I can't help you, sorry.

2. If I see one more complaint about Homelander not being killed in Season 3, I'm going to lose my mind. There were thousands of people in Vought tower. Thousands. Including Ryan, Becca's son. If you're someone who thinks all of those people should be sacrificed so the "goal" of killing Homelander can be accomplished? Congratulations, you think exactly like a war criminal. Fuck the "fuck Ryan" crowd.

3. Homelander's not just played by the best actor or is the biggest draw of the show, killing him off is so shortsighted. Not just because losing him would ruin the show. There will always be more "Homelander"s as long as the root causes creating them are allowed to fester and continue to exist. If you think killing Homelander will solve all of their problems and everything will be 🌈✨🌅☀️🦄🦋🌈💖🧈🪰🌈 if or when they do this, you are missing the point of this entire series. They are literally using Ryan to exemplify this.

4. The fandom misogyny against Starlight is so transparent. She's not without faults, but she is the least "traditionally masculine" woman on this show and I think that says enough. Her goal is to neutralize and damage the credibility of Homelander without pushing him directly over the edge because she doesn't want millions of people to die at the expense of "scorched earf" like William Butcher. She's quick thinking and does what she needs to in order to survive in a moment and try to protect people, but in case people forgot? She's following Hughie. Hughie is the one who gave that speech about saving everyone, even if they don't deserve it, especially if they don't deserve it. He is the guy asking why violence is their solution for everything and he has always been that guy. Why are people blaming Annie for Hughie doing what he does best and being an actual good guy that promotes goodness in the people around him? If you're going to be mad, at least be consistent. If you don't like moral lessons or questions being presented to you through media, I don't think the superhero genre is for you.

5. William Butcher is not the hero of this story. He never was and never will be. He does not have good intentions, and he never has had them. This isn't even a case of "the road to hell" or misguided pursuit. He knows what he does is wrong and does it anyway and makes this very clear on multiple occasions. This has always been the case. The guy literally "fridges" his own wife and people are actually surprised he would cheat on her? He is on an adjacent boat to Homelander as far as severely mentally ill men in dire need of help go, the main difference being that Homelander has little to no understanding of how his actions are "wrong". Butcher may actually be worse off than Homelander as when you look at their issues, at least in some ways, he's more like an evolved state of Homelander or the "next stage" of depravity. That is why he's been building Homelander up to his level so they can fight. To say either of these men are beyond saving is deeply hypocritical and commits the exact same moral failing that William Butcher is practicing. Hughie is the real hero, die mad about it.

6. This show is reflecting the current political climate and pointing out the faults of both "sides". You can't dehumanize another without first dehumanizing yourself. If you know anything about America or even the world, you'd know that some people are being forced to live in these sorts of environments. We literally have a real threat looming over us. White nationalists want to take over the country and implement a conservative hellhole dictatorship. They have a whole balls to the wall plan for this! I want to throttle half of this fandom for being so stuck in their own privilege that they won't take a second or two to think about the people who can't afford to not live through this.

I live in constant fear of what could happen to me and my family. I don't get the option to tune it out or pretend it doesn't exist. I live in a red state. I don't have the money to move. I'm pretty much everything the modern Nazi despises.

And yet, there are people in this fandom complaining about political commentary that is directly reflecting our current society, parodying and satirizing it to try and put forth an extremely important message before it's too late.?

I need people to understand this. Not want, need. My life is literally dependent on whether or not people will understand these things before it's too late because of where this country is headed. I wish I could say it wasn't that big of a deal but I can't. I can't because I don't get the privilege of living in the part of the world where it wouldn't be. Please, I am begging, begging people to take a moment to please look in a mirror, self reflect, and consider "why". Consider whether or not you might be part of the problem because we all have our bad takes, bad days, lapses in judgement. No one is perfect and that's okay. We live and we learn. Lighten up on the faults of others, lighten up on your own faults.

I really like learning so I really would love the opportunity to keep living so I can do that, but I'm scared out of my mind. I'm terrified and it's not just for me. Please, please, I need people to understand.

7. The Trump stuff is funny. It is! Donald Trump is funny if you don't think about the inherent dread of him having political power. I would love to be able to laugh and cringe at him flailing and failing and being ridiculous without that looming threat of the damage he could do on the world. I would love more specials from John Oliver with the breath of relief that Trump won't ever be given political power again. That's where the Homelander Trump metaphor comes in. That's what Homelander is supposed to give us, a way to rehumanize Trump but also reiterate why he should not be given political power. If you're bothered by it then again, this is satire. Satire is not made to be taken so seriously in that way and you will be much happier when you stop doing that.

Please. Please. Please, please, please, please, please. Please vote. If Trump gets elected again, I may actually die and it may not even be from conservative witch hunting.

I fell severely ill back in 2016 when Trump was elected. I broke out in hives the day he was inaugurated. The entire time he was elected, my health continued on a steady decline and I am still trying to recover. I'm not joking. I know how it sounds but I am not kidding at all. I don't know if it was an allergy or what but I have no idea how my body will react if he is elected again but whatever it is, I don't want it to happen.

I just want to be able to enjoy my favorite shows and or comics and live my life. I want other people to be able to do this too, but that can't happen if we keep rejecting every prompt we're given to self reflect.

You're human. So is everyone else around you. Please don't ever forget that.

[katlyntheartist]

Knuckle series is out!! Any thoughts? Does it affect your Jojo and Gang au?

Spoilers for the Knuckles series people! Avert your eyes children!

First, let's talk about the things I liked:

- Sonic and Tails were great for as little screen time as they had. And Maddie trying to be patient with Knuckles while also not strangling him was great, haha. As someone who worked at a Daycare, I related to her dealing with kids like Knuckles and Maddie's facial expressions when she was grounding Knuckles were on point. Also THEY HAVE A PLAIN BED FOR TAILS AND A TRUCK BED FOR KNUCKLES AHHHHH!!!!!

-Pachacamac is a Jedi Force ghost? Alright then. I don't know much about this character outside of Sonic X but I thought that he was fine. And Christopher Lloyd does a great job as usual.

-Wade was not terrible. I like how he has some character growth through the series and at the end he isn't a master warrior/fighter. He's still a goofball but now he's thinking things through and using what he has and his current surroundings to his advantage in a fight, and isn't just hiding and waiting for Knuckles to save him. But him breaking out of the cage in episode 4 was a bit ridiculous. What was that cage made of, cardboard? He really should have broken his hand or something.

-I liked the villains but I wish that we got to see them more involved in the story, especially the buyer. Who was menacing for about five minutes and then was crushed to death like, dang 0-0

-NANA WHIPPLE AND KNUCKLES SPINOFF SHOW PLEASE!!

-Knuckles was the best part of the show. He's the strong tough warrior but with a big heart and good intentions, though a bit misguided at times. Idris did a great job, nothing new there.

And now let's get into the things I didn't like:

-The show is %70 Wade bowling story and %30 Knuckles adjusting to earth and his backstory with Pachacamac and his tribe and his connection to the master emerald and everything else that the show should have been about. The Wade sub plot takes up so much time that we don't get to explore Knuckles. I wished that we had gotten to see him learn to appreciate and call Earth his new home instead of him just accepting it at the end. It just felt so rushed.

-Episode four wasn't awful but I didn't care for it. Also you can NOT show us the Flames of Disaster from '06 and not have Silver or Blaze show up. You can't do that >:(

-Knuckles and Maddie didn't get to have a heart to heart conversation which is what I and many others thought that was what the show was building up to. Also he never gets in trouble for running way and we never cut back to seeing Maddie or Sonic and Tails realizing Knuckles is gone, or even Sonic and Tails trying to cover for Knuckles. I get that the CGI was expensive and voice actor and actor schedules might not have worked out for it to happen, but my point still stands.

-Wanda was useless and you could have cut her out and lost nothing. Don't get me wrong, the actress is good but she feels wasted here. Her character is so annoying and serves no purpose other than to be mean to Wade. And why do we have to have the "siblings who hate each other but make up at the end" cliche? I would have liked Wanda more if she was nicer to Wade from the start and if they had a fun sibling bond with each other. Also if she was able to actually use her skills as an FBI agent to at least hold her own against the gang when they attack Nanna Whipple's house. Also the dad needed to be more comedically villainous, he was too generic.

-Like I said the villains here are fine but the Buyer's whole character is to just show up, have a cool robot fight, and die. We don't get to see him be a threat to Knuckles at all, he just appears for the climax and then is offed in a snap. And the two agents were fun but a lot of their dialogue was graining.

-And that leads me to the main problem with the series. The writing. I'm aware that the writers for the main movies didn't work much on this series, except Jeff did do the first episode. Which is why it's the best one. There is no balance between the jokes and the emotional moments. The show is so focused on trying to make you laugh every five minutes that it sacrifices genuine emotional growth for the characters especially for Knuckles. You know, the whole reason for the show existing in the first place. It suffers the same problems that the live action Ton and Jerry movie had, where the main stars weren't allowed to be the main stars of their film. All of the screen time there went to the human characters who weren't interesting or just plain annoying and mean.

And the dialogue for the show teeters back and forth between actually funny/well written and being dangerously close to obnoxious. And kids shows having jokes all the time isn't a problem. Rottmnt and the Lego Movies are both kid properties that fire off a joke every minute but they knew when to cut back and let the emotional moments shine. The jokes in the Knuckles show felt more like they were pandering to four year old's then actually trying to be funny and the emotional moments felt kind of forced.

I don't want to give any of the writers or anyone who worked on this show a hard time. I can see that everyone worked hard and had fun with this. And I had fun too. There were some good moments between Knuckles and Wade and even a few jokes that got me. But the problems I listed above are just to hard for me to ignore. If you liked the Knuckles series then great for you! I'm happy you were able to have a great time! But for me it was just ok.

Not great. But not bad either. 5/10.

Now, about this affecting Jojo and Gang. I think what I'll do is have comic take place a month after the Knuckles series. And use my AU to focus on Knuckles getting accustomed to Earth and learning to call it home. Basically my AU will do what the Knuckles series didn't.

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

In Defense of Shinji/Rei

Out of all the pairings in the Evangelion fandom, Shinji/Rei is one of the most controversial and least popular, especially here on tumblr. It did have some popularity at one point but that has died down in favor of Kawoshin and Asurei. It’s a ship that I, and many others, feel is often mischaracterized and dismissed due to its more controversial elements but one that is honestly very emotional and deserves less hate in my opinion, as do it’s shippers who people also have a misguided view of. Fandom in general has become more moralistic and puritanical in recent years. It’s like no one learned a thing from the SU fandom discourse where people were bullied or called homophobic for liking a certain pairing over the other.

Argument 1: she’s his mother/sister

The most common criticism of the pairing is that it’s incest and that their relationship is that of a brother-sister or mother-son. First, Rei’s whole arc in the show is that she’s not just a clone or copy of Yui or Lilith. She’s her own person with her own desires which is why her loyalty to Gendo wanes as she becomes more of an individual. Her DNA also isn’t that similar to Shinji and only a small amount of Yui’s was used. The rest was affected by Lilith hence the differences in their appearance. So there is a little bit of blood relation but it’s not on the same level of say Bwen or Pinecest. Incest is terrible because it’s a betrayal of family trust and abuse but Shinji and Rei met as teens and were not raised as siblings, nor did he know of her origin until Ritsuko explained it.

I’ve also seen the argument that their bond is sibling-like or Shinji views her as a Madonna/mother figure. Anno has stated that he intended there to be a “love triangle” with the pilot trio and show’s proposal described Rei as having “learned about feelings when she fell in love”. While that info comes from Reddit and may not be reliable, it does challenge the idea that there was no intention for their dynamic to be romantic.

Next, antis really take that elevator scene out of context where Shinji was complimenting her on being like a mom while ignoring him telling her she’d make a good housewife. The rebuilds and manga make their connection more blatant but it was always there. Misato, Toji and Kensuke all tease Shinji about his crush and the two act as friends after warming up despite their icy first interactions. There may be some maternal aspects to it but it’s rather simplistic to dumb their bond down to a family connection. It seems antis argue that they’re siblings because the romantic implications are uncomfortable and antis don’t want to admit that they do have feelings for each other.

Argument 2: it’s misogynistic and queer erasure

Okay, this is a less common argument against it but one I’ve seen from popular Eva analysis writers that view Kawoshin as the only valid pairing for Shinji. I’ve seen it used against Asushin and Marishin too. This goes hand and hand with the idea that Shinji views Rei as a Madonna and is misogynistic. I have a lot of thoughts about the “Shinji is an incel misogynist and Asuka did nothing wrong” discourse but that’s for another day. He’s not a perfect uwu soft boy but fans seem to base his entire characterization off the hospital scene in rather single issue Eva analyses that cherry-pick certain scenes or dialogue.

The argument that it’s queer erasure is one I’m starting to despise. Yes, there are homophobic dudebro fans who hate Kawoshin but not everyone who prefers a “straight” pairing is anti gay. Shinji could still be bisexual and be in a m/f relationship. I’ve also seen some ship him in a polycule with Rei and Kaworu. Plus, not everyone has to interpret the show or character the same way. The writers made it so people can view Kawoshin as romantic and Shinji as queer, but never demanded that be the only possible interpretation.

This kind reminds me of something I’ve occasionally seen in the Ben 10 fandom too. A few fans, not all of them, treating the wholesome gay ship as the only good pairing because of the problematic elements in the m/f ships or because they view the male protagonist as a misogynist. The “male character is sexist or a bad boyfriend so let’s make him gay” is also a fandom trope that kind of irritates me. Not every ship has be gay or a girlboss romance either.

Argument 3: they’re kids and you can’t ship them

This is one of the least common criticisms but one that I’ve occasionally encountered. First, they’re 14 which is around the time a lot of teens start dating. Second, romance =/= sex and child/teen characters can have romantic feelings for each other. Yes, ship wars over fictional kids can escalate but there’s nothing wrong with just liking a pairing. This post about Chihiro and Haku’s bond from Spirited Away kind of applies here too.

My thoughts: why do I love this pairing?

I first fell in love with this ship because I watched the rebuilds first on Amazon Prime and didn’t know the series was on Netflix because my account, embarrassingly, still has parental controls on it. I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea but I liked them. Shinji was a character I really connected to and so was Rei. Their relationship got me a bit emotional and the scene where Shinji attempts to save her had me on the edge of my seat, while the scene where Shinji accepts Rei Q got a tear out of me as did the apology scene in 3.0+1.0.

If I had to compare them to any other pairing, which I’ve done before, it would be Hodaka/Hina from Weathering with You which also is a bit divisive and a bit of a tearjerker. Ironically, EoE is one of Makoto Shinkai’s favorites and he considers Anno an inspiration. Everything from their bond to Hodaka’s character and Hina’s arc of a blue haired girl, blackish-blue in Hina’s case, that’s lived a difficult life and who’s only purpose is to be a sacrificial lamb, learning to pray for herself is a lot like Shinji/Rei, down the ending of WWY being a lot like that of 2.22. The scene where Hodaka gives Hina a promise ring is also a little like the “smile” moment from Episode 6/1.11.

Conclusion

In short, Shinji/Rei isn’t a bad pairing and is overhated and misrepresented by many in the fandom. It’s fine to dislike it or prefer another ship but one can do so without chomping at the bit to paint its shippers as homophobes, misogynists or people with incest fetishes or Oedipal complexes. Many of us like it because it’s one of the least toxic relationships in the series and is honestly a very powerful story. Are there some questionable elements in it? Sure, but you can like a ship even if it’s not up to golden moral standards and expecting every pairing to be unproblematic is ridiculous. Real life is much more grey than what moralistic fans claim.

[positivelybeastly]

I've got another question for you--how did you feel about Young Hank's "magic arc" during All-New? I've got thoughts and such, but I know this will spur a good detailed response, so!

As you intimated, I do indeed have thoughts, though I caution that my knowledge of this particular phase of Hank's stories I know maybe least well? The 90s and the mid 2010s are my biggest weak spots for Hank knowledge because of my distaste for storytelling trends in the former, and the general just. Disarray of most Marvel books in the latter.

That being said, I did read the books because I was interested in seeing how they handled it.

In a nutshell? Untapped potential. This was most acute in X-Men: Blue, which was simultaneously the best written of the three time displaced books, but which also seemed most interested in focusing on Scott and Jean at the expense of Hank, Bobby, and Warren. The epitome of this was the culmination of the demonic temptation arc.

The fact that it's all brought back to Hank's ultimate desire to want to be there for his friends, to support them, to be there for them in ways he doesn't feel like he currently is able to, is a big plus to me, at least.

That has, at its heart, always been my read on Hank's character - that if he moves on his moral compass, that if he does something rash and ill-considered and dumb, then it's out of a place of misguided good intention, and never malice. That's the heart of my issues with X-Force's characterisation of him as evil, it fundamentally misunderstands that a good majority of his 'bad' decisions are done based on compassion, and it can't bear to even pretend he was ever good or compassionate.

Even his decision to break time in All-New vol. 1 was born out of a want for Scott to be his friend again, out of moral cowardice, out of an inability to hurt and kill a man he once loved as much as his own family. Yes, it was filtered through a dozen brain aneurysms, but that is why he did it, ultimately.

It's also maybe why he's always gotten on with Scott, and then why their 'break up' was so acrimonious. Scott's willingness to do anything to keep mutantkind alive is mirrored by Hank's willingness to do anything to make sure his friends stay alive, but (at least until X-Force), Scott's willingness manifested as morally abhorrent but tactically sound decisions, while Hank's willingness manifested as morally 'better' (no-one got killed) but intellectually stupid decisions that ended up tying things into knots and making them more complicated in the long run.

It's just that, you know, none of this ever really got codified in the books, so it looked like Hank was doing dumb shit to be petty, because Bendis doesn't care about Hank's emotional state.

But anyway.

Hank must be set apart, and appreciated, and loved, or he is nothing. He can't stand to be ignored, or considered useless. That's just the way he's wired. He'll do anything to remain necessary. So far, so good. That's a good read on him. This is the miracle child effect that's dogged Hank's mentality since he was born.

This is really good set-up!

And then it completely bottles it.

I was so excited, man. I thought, okay, so since Warren and Bobby are barely interacting with Hank, and Jean and Scott have their weird love triangle going on with Jimmy Hudson (fuck off), adding Bloodstorm to the team means that she must be a foil for Hank, right? This issue, which introduces her and gives us a view into her mind and makes it clear that she thinks so very highly of Hank, sets up a friendship, maybe even something more, right?

Wrong.

Oh.

Bloodstorm and Hank barely interact again, and Bloodstorm just becomes another accessory to the Scott-Jean-Jimmy triangle, turning it into a weird 'I-don't-give-a-fuck-what-geometric-shape-this-is-'situation. I was so disappointed, man. Instead, Hank is given an almost entirely off-panel relationship with Gazing Nightshade.

And his relationship with his older self?

This is about it for their meaningful interactions, if you don't include him being a bitch to older Hank in Uncanny #600 and Hickman's New Avengers. Considering Hank has changed the most, and was, for the majority of the time the displaced O5 were present, the character who remained alive and whole and who had the most story potential to mine (Warren was memory wiped, Jean was already dead, Scott would go on to die, and Bobby was whatever), the fact that these two barely interact just made me not really care about younger Hank, especially because of two simple facts.

One, young Hank has always been the worst and least interesting version of the character (well, until Percy's Beast came along) because he's just big guy who talks eloquently, and that's fine for a 60s comic, but all of his really unique aspects only came out when he turned furry.

So, you're starting with the least interesting version of the character, which . . . is fine, you can always improve on that. But I don't really feel like they did, because it felt like there was a lack of interest in really moving Hank forward. Both Hanks were stuck in a rut at this time, so, you know, I guess they match, woo. But it just kinda sucked to see so many issues where young Hank was around, and he'd just. Not really do anything that couldn't have been done by another character. He never interacted with any characters that older Hank had special relationships with like young Scott or Jean did, and he wasn't forming new relationships that I could be excited about, either.

Two, younger Hank gets angry at older Hank, right? For bringing them here, wrecking the timestream, all of that? He makes disparaging remarks about turning into a blue homunculus?

Not one single writer every had older Hank turn around and point out that the man who turned them into a blue furry beast was WAY closer in appearance, emotional temperament, and history to young Hank.

Yes, older Hank may be the guy who did it, twenty years or so ago, but younger Hank was the guy who is GOING to do it, because of the tendencies that his magic arc showcased, because of the pride, because of the ego, and his older self, who HAS that context, who KNOWS what he's like, who is AWARE of his personality flaws, NEVER blames him for that! Never takes him to task for the moral grandstanding!

Because here's the thing - yes, Hank CAN be proud, and he can have an ego, but the WORST of it died when he mutated himself, because he fucked up his entire life in the course of one night and he was never able to fix it, just recover from it! He learned!

Young Hank hasn't learned that lesson yet! And despite older Hank being there, and knowing that already, they NEVER talk about it! It's just brushed over! Absolutely goddamn maddening.

Young Hank re-learned a lesson that older Hank knew, and we didn't even get the parts where older Hank even tries to impart that knowledge, because we've got to spend time on bamfs and crossovers to the Ultimate Universe and Kid Apocalypse and the future Brotherhood and a minivan that's bigger on the inside and oh my god what are we even here for, guys? Why are we ignoring this character's obvious main foil, his older self???

. . . Anyway.

It was interesting see Hank turn to something other than science to keep him going, because he knows this is something that's within him, that science is something this version has gravitated towards and excelled in, but he knows that's not always a multiversal constant.

Science is a part of him, but it is not him. Science is just a mechanism by which he understands why, by which he understands because. Hank McCoy wants to understand why something happens, he wants to understand the because, and how he gets there is changeable. So the magic arc should really have been a fulfilment of the promise of these pages from Endangered Species.

But I don't really feel like it really went anywhere. I don't feel like anything new was revealed about Hank through his flirtation with magic. He'll do anything for his friends, even make desperate, dumb decisions; he'll transform himself in the pursuit of knowledge; he'll fix what he broke, and people will take him back with a slap on the wrist and then they'll go back to mostly ignoring him. (It was very significant to me that young Hank's demonic corruption happened without anyone noticing, because Hank is a king of seeming fine while his life is falling apart, and some things really do never change.)

All of these character traits had already been established by previous storylines, but better, tbh.

It was repetitious, just like older Hank's repeating arc going on at that same time of making a massive science mistake, feeling guilty and vowing not to do it again, only to be reset the next time they wanted to do a big crossover event with a big science mistake to fit. I can only stand to see the same things repeated without any attempt to break the cycle or progress past it so many times. This is partly why feline Hank's story has always felt so impactful to me, because it always felt like it was moving forward and he was changing and growing. He learned. At least, it felt like he did.

I don't really think anyone was learning anything in All-New vol. 1 and 2 or X-Men: Blue. I felt like I was just killing time, reading a mostly Scott and Jean centric book that Hank occasionally guest starred in.

As for what came after Extermination - the fact that no-one picked up on the fact that older Hank should have known magic once the memories merged is kind of confirmation to me that no-one at Marvel had any real interest in exploring this side of Hank, so I couldn't and can't quite get excited about it.

It would've been at least neat to see evil Beast break out the magic when he got cornered, but like everything else, Percy ignored that, too. If new Hank has these memories, it has yet to be established on panel, and he seems to be more of the traditional Hank wheelhouse, just progressing in a different way, as detailed in the Infinity Comics releasing atm.

If I had been reading at the time (I stopped around 2015, before Hank got into magic), I probably would've been more invested in the idea of Hank learning magic, but as it is, I came back to it a year or two ago while I was waiting for X-Force to finish, and knowing that it all ended with 'and then the time displaced arc didn't matter to anyone but Scott and Bobby' just meant I looked at all of this like, this is a lot of set-up for plots that never happened and never really went anywhere. Shame. There really was potential here.

I kept staring at Hank, waiting for him to do something, to have a romance, to be tested again and succeed or fail, to show he's learned his lesson or not, to bond with Bloodstorm over temptation, to talk with his older self about what he's learned, but instead, he would have one issue of focus, and then fade into the background while everything else took precedence. I just got bored and started flicking through.

I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on it, though. Maybe there's a issue I missed or didn't pay attention to that will 'unlock' this arc for me and make it all crystallise in a way. I'd love to be wrong.