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starwarstbbfan · 2 years ago

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THE BAD BATCH: THE RUNAWAY

Chapter 52 - Broken Bonds

Ok, so this chapter is kind of bittersweet in a sense. You're going to love and hate Crosshair. Read at your own risk.

TRIGGER WARNING: Calli does experience an anxiety attack. I don't go into too much detail, but if it'll trigger you, please don't read. In the original posting of this I'd said it was a panic attack, but after some research and stuff I feel it's more of an anxiety attack.

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If there was one thing Calli hated, it was not being able to go on missions. The day after the vacation the team received a mission and when Hunter told her she couldn't go, Calli just about had a fit and asked why.

"Because you're the one who wanted a pet, and this mission might take a couple or more days and I don't trust that thing on the ship by itself until he's fully trained. So, you're just going to have to sit this one out." Calli tried protesting again, "If you keep questioning my orders, I will turn this ship around and we'll take Scruffy back to Naboo." That shut Calli right up, yet she still wasn't happy about having to miss out on all the fun.

So, she came up with a way to be involved with the mission. With Wrecker's permission, a small camera was attached to his helmet that connected to her data pad so she could watch what was happening and for added measure she also wore her own helmet to communicate with the boys. It was brilliant and Wrecker liked making Calli happy so he was willing to let her attach the camera - he'd be disappointed as well if he couldn't go on a mission. Hunter and Tech thought it was a bit much but allowed their little sister to do this if it meant she would stay behind without any more complaint and their ship would be in one piece.

So there Calli was, in her sleepwear with her helmet on, living vicariously through her squad mates. At first it seemed like a good and quite frankly ingenious idea, but the boys quickly realized the downfall of having Calli watch their every move. One of said downfalls were the comments made by Calli.

After she slid on her helmet and tuned into the comm frequency, Calli had said with enthusiasm, "Alright, let's flank 'em and spank 'em boys." The phrase caused the brothers to pause and each of them wore mortified looks underneath their helmets. Tech briefly wondered if he'd given Calli too much of the painkillers because she'd never said something so... odd. And the comments only got worse (and more critical) from there.

(To Tech after he almost ran into a tree.) "Hey speedy thumbs, get your nose out of that data pad and watch where you're going!"

"Yeah Wrecker! Rip that droid's head off! Now beat the others with it!" (Wrecker was happy to oblige.)

(To Crosshair.) "You call that shooting? A blind womp rat could do better!" Calli said all this from the comfort of her bed, munching on Mantell mix and drinking soda and keeping an eye on her furry companion who snoozed on the bed next to her without a care in the world that Calli was annoying the heck out of her brothers.

Before Calli had a chance to say something about Hunter, Crosshair had had enough, going over to Wrecker, he ripped the camera off of his helmet, and proceeded to throw it to the ground and crush it under the heel of his boot. Calli could only watch helplessly and when the screen went black, she pouted like a child after. That put an end to that.

So now Calli was on a mission of her own: training Scruffy so he could be trusted enough to be left alone. Should be simple right? The teen dubbed it "Calli's Cat Bootcamp" and was going to dedicate every waking moment to drilling new commands and habits into the small feline - kind of like Hunter did with Calli when she first joined the squad. But there was something Calli quickly realized after ten minutes in the first hour of cat training: Cats like doing whatever the kriff they want. It took a lot of bribing with food to get him to do anything, and a lot of the Nuna Jerky they picked up from Naboo was quickly gobbled up by the little guy as it was the only thing they had in the way of treats. But it was a for a good cause, Calli reasoned, so the others shouldn't be mad at her... for too long that is... maybe. Crosshair would be miffed, as he'd liked it the most, but Calli could care less about making him angry.

The usually tight knit siblings - officially dubbed the "deadly duo" by their brothers - were still at odds with each other due to the argument they had on Naboo. To no one's surprise, both were too stubborn to take the first step in resolving the issue and Calli felt like he partially did what he did with the camera because of his anger towards her (truth be told she wasn't too far off with that theory).

After the camera debacle, Hunter - along with the others - decided it was time for Crosshair and Calli to make up. Having the two angry at one another created a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere in the ship for everyone and it was high time to put an end to it. Hunter knew that Crosshair didn't mean what he said, it was only because Calli's injury scared him and he was not very good at expressing his feelings, which resulted in him taking his anger out on everyone around him. And to make things worse, Calli was too headstrong to make the first step and talk to Crosshair.

There wasn't any yelling and fighting per se, but somehow the silence was even more deafening and kept everyone on edge. Calli had even resorted to sleeping in the spare bed in the med bay so as to avoid Crosshair even further by refusing to sleep in the same room as him.

Finally, the other three members of Clone Force 99 decided to take matters into their own hands to restore peace and unity into their squad. What was Hunter's solution? To lock those two in a room together and not let them out until they resolved their differences.

Crosshair was laying on his bunk, taking a little cat nap despite it only being mid morning. He was catching up on sleep since during the mission they hadn't really been able to get more than a couple hours' sleep at any given time. His eyes shot open when he was snatched from his bed by Wrecker, who'd been ordered to carry him to the med bay. Calli had just finished getting ready for the day and thank goodness she was fully dressed when the door slid open without any warning, and Crosshair was tossed inside the room - quite literally - falling unceremoniously to the ground with a pained grunt. By the time the sniper had gathered his bearings and gotten up, the door had been closed and locked.

"WRECKER!" Crosshair shouted while furiously pounding on the door with his fist, "Let me out or I swear when I escape, you're dead! Or worse, you're Lula will get it!"

"What the heck is going on?" Calli asked, not understanding why Wrecker deposited Crosshair like a sack of potatoes when he had been peacefully sleeping. There was one thing worse than regular, grumpy Crosshair, and that's Crosshair when he first wakes up - and when he's rudely woken up for no good reason like now, well let's just say all weapons need to be hidden until he calms down. And now he's in the same room as her.

Tech's voice came through the intercom that could be heard from any part of the ship,

"Hunter has ordered that you two be locked up so you can work out your differences and reestablish the peace in our team. We are going to go on a supply run so you have approximately two and half hours to fix things. And we're bringing Scruffy with us." Calli and Crosshair glanced at each other, then the former snarled and faced the sealed exit.

"Come on, this is ridiculous!" Crosshair yelled loud enough for Hunter to hear from the other side of the door where he was undoubtedly standing with a triumphant smirk on his face. Calli came to the rescue though, but not for him - she'd rather jump off a cliff than have a heart-to-heart conversation with Crosshair.

"Oh, calm down, I can just rewire the panel on our side and get us out in no time."

"Then get to it!" rolling her eyes, Calli walked over to the panel by the door, making sure to not so nicely nudge Crosshair out of the way to give her room to work. She removed the cover and just as she began fiddling with the wires, the power suddenly cut out, making her heart sink. Calli let out a string of very colorful words, most of them being directed at Tech even though he probably couldn't hear them now.

"What's the problem?" Crosshair asked and Calli scoffed at his denseness while also trying to get rid of the sudden heavy weight on her chest.

"Uh, Tech just turned off the electricity genius, or did you not notice the lights turn off?" Calli snapped despite the rising panic within her with each passing second, they remained in darkness with the door locked.

"I noticed, smart mouth." Crosshair bit back, not about to appear dumb. "I'll just find a flashlight if you need it."

"A flashlight won't help the fact that all the power has been shut down in this room, Crosshair! I can't open an electrical door if the electricity is off! Do you understand?!" This was one of the rare times Crosshair was embarrassed and he felt his face heat up but that didn't stop him from trying to redeem himself.

"Of course I do, I'm not an idiot!"

"Debatable." Calli muttered under her breath, leaning her head forward until it touched the cool durasteel wall that sent a shiver down her spine, but she didn't move away, hoping the cold would help ward away the oncoming headache from stress of being locked up with the last person she wanted to be around. His hurtful words were still fresh in her mind, and she was in no way going to apologize because in her mind there was nothing she had to apologize for. But that's not all Calli had on her mind.

When the lights cut out and they were engulfed in darkness, it brought her back to that little room that the Kaminoans had her imprisoned in after each experiment session.

Calli's heartbeat was steadily increasing, and she was beginning to tremble, starting with her hands and spreading out, eventually until her entire body was shaking uncontrollably. She knew what was happening, after all, anxiety attacks could happen if you're triggered by something that reminded you of a traumatic event you experienced. Except for Calli it wasn't just one singular incident - the trauma she experienced lasted for years, then she got a break, but then she wound up on Kamino once more and the cycle started all over again. The only difference was that in the few short weeks where the experiments resumed, she was locked away in the room instead of in the suite she shared with Jango and Boba. Ever since then, Calli hated enclosed spaces that had no way out, which she now found herself in a similar situation.

Calli knew that this time was different, as her squad mates had no intention of hurting her and would eventually let them out. But even still, their plan had unintentionally triggered Calli, and she was on the verge of having a full blast attack - something she hadn't experienced in a while.

She tried her best to fight it, trying every technique she knew. And she did her best to stay quiet so as not to alert the other person in the room that she was panicking. The last thing Calli wanted was to have him call her weak for the second time on top of everything else - she didn't need that right now. She needed to get out, but couldn't think of a way out in her current panicked state.

Despite her best efforts, Calli accidentally let out a choked noise from her mouth as breathing was suddenly the hardest thing to do. Her throat felt like it was closing up and that brought on a new wave of panic.

Crosshair heard the peculiar noise and squinted in Calli's direction, seeing her collapse to her knees and plant her palms on the wall in front of her in an attempt to ground herself.

"The kriff is wrong with you?" Crosshair asked, not yet realizing what Calli was experiencing which is why his question came out as cold. When Calli didn't offer a snippy remark back, Crosshair stood from where he'd been sitting on the hospital bed and took a step closer to the teen, his gut telling him something wasn't right. "Hey, what's going on?" He questioned in a more civil tone. Calli tried to say she was fine, but all that came out was something between a gasp and a sob as everything was blurring together and she couldn't form a coherent thought, much less a sentence.

Crosshair was quickly on his knees next to Calli and now that he was closer, he could notice her trembling form. When he attempted to touch his sister's arm, she flinched away as if he'd just burned her. He didn't have to be a freaky genius to know what was happening.

Without thinking, Crosshair began banging on the door, hoping that the others hadn't left yet, followed by some shouting for them to be let out. But it was futile as the Havoc Marauder was empty and the only thing he accomplished was making Calli's condition worse from the loud noise.

Crosshair was at a loss for what to do and say, having never dealt with this sort of thing - alone that is. Usually, his brothers were around to calm Calli down when she was upset, but something like this hadn't happened before, that he knew of. "Just - just take a few deep breaths." He tried saying, hoping it was the right thing to say.

Through all the spiraling thoughts and turmoil going on inside her, Calli had heard what Crosshair said and attempted to slow her breathing and take deep breaths like he told her. But it didn't work and she was now hyperventilating.

Crosshair was now becoming more concerned. What is he supposed to do? He's knowledgeable about guns and war not - not feelings. Despite his aversion, Crosshair couldn't sit by and let Calli suffer by herself. He couldn't help but briefly think "Why me?", definitely feeling out of his element.

He did the first comforting gesture he could think of, which is placing a consoling hand on Calli's shoulder despite her earlier rebuff, and much to Crosshair's relief she didn't recoil like before. In fact it seemed to help, at least Crosshair thought so, as she removed one of her hands from the wall and gripped the hand on her shoulder so hard the sniper feared she'd break it. He did his best to ignore the pain and spoke to the girl in a way that wasn't like his normal manner(i.e. Condescending and scornful), and again it was difficult for someone who's usually cold and calculating.

"Calli, look at me." Crosshair ordered in a gentle voice that surprised him and if Calli didn't feel like she was dying she'd have found it strange too. Calli didn't respond and Crosshair wondered if she could even hear him. He found himself wishing that Tech was here, as he'd definitely know the answer. So Crosshair used his other hand, as Calli still had his right one in a death grip, and gently coaxed Calli's head to turn and face him. Seeing the fear and pain in her eyes made Crosshair hurt and he stroked her cheek to wipe the tears that were running down her face, surprising himself again for being so delicate. Her eyes were also unfocused, so even though she was facing Crosshair, it didn't really help any.

Without saying anything, Crosshair removed his hand from Calli's cheek and wrapped that arm around her shoulders, keeping his grip light in case she didn't want to be hugged. When he was met with no resistance, he began speaking to Calli again.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but you're safe. No one's going to hurt you." He said in the same soothing tone. Calli let out a choked sob, and Crosshair wasn't sure it was her way of trying to acknowledge what he said. "Just focus on my breathing." Throughout all the chaos and confusion going on in her head, Calli managed to process Crosshair's words and she used all her willpower to match his breathing pattern. Crosshair would breathe in deeply, Calli would do the same a second later and both would exhale at the same time. Crosshair would praise her every thirty seconds or so, and when Calli's breathing would suddenly become more erratic he'd calmly tell her to slow down and try again.

Neither were sure how much time had passed, but eventually Calli had calmed down and became aware of her surroundings. It was still dark, but Crosshair's presence kept her from going back into a panic. Speaking of which, when he noticed Calli seemed to come back to reality..

"You alright kid?" Crosshair asked while releasing her from the hug. Calli settled against the wall next to the sniper and nodded slowly.

"I-I think so..." She answered, her voice still a little shaky and she was still trembling somewhat. And Calli definitely had a headache now. "U-Um, do you think you can look for a flashlight?" Crosshair nodded and got up to go look in the cabinets on the other side of the room, having to feel around to make sure he wouldn't run into the bed. Even with enhanced eyesight, he still couldn't when it was pitch black.

Calli heard her brother rifle around in the darkness, knocking things over and even letting out a curse word when he accidentally bumped his head at one point. Calli was just about to tell him to forget it when suddenly the room flooded in a dim light, Crosshair having found a flashlight and turning it on. He grabbed a couple bottles from the bedside table and came to sit at Calli's side, holding out the bottles to her. One was a water bottle; the other was painkillers for the headache. Calli accepted them with a quiet "thank you" and the room was silent as Calli popped the proper dose of pills in her mouth and downed about half the water in the bottle. As Calli swallowed and screwed the cap back on the bottle, she tried to figure out something to say to the man sitting beside her. Crosshair helped her, even though he was mad at her. This wasn't the first time Calli was astonished by his actions. Just when she thought she had him figured out, Crosshair threw her in for a loop by doing something unexpected.

Now that Calli had recovered from her panic attack, the previous tension was back and neither wanted to address it. Eventually Calli couldn't stand the silence anymore and said the first thing that came to mind.

"So are we just gonna sit here until the others get back."

"Unless your big brain can figure out another way out of here, then yes." Calli pursed her lips and began racking her brain for an idea. It only took her ten seconds to figure out an alternative way of escaping. She recalled when the Bad Batch had imprisoned her on the original Havoc Marauder - she got out by using the -

"Air vents!" Callista exclaimed excitedly. It was completely out of the blue and caused Crosshair to startle, but the female clone didn't pay attention as she took the flashlight into her hands and searched for a vent. She'd never told the boys how she'd gotten out of that storage closet, otherwise Tech would have thought to block the vents with something, though that would have restricted fresh air from coming into the room and well it's easy to figure out why that would be a problem.

Finding the vent, Calli let out a chuckle of triumph at the revelation that she'd outsmarted Tech which was a rare occurrence. Crosshair, who had gotten up and now stood behind Calli who was removing the cover of the vent, peered down at the opening in the wall that Calli might be able to squeeze into, but he definitely wouldn't be able to.

"There's no way I'll fit in there!" He pointed out, and Calli let out a scoff.

"Duh," she retorted, "That's why I'll crawl through and once I get out, I'll turn the power back on and let you out." Crosshair narrowed his eyes which were full of distrust.

"How do I know you won't just leave me in here as revenge?"

"Oh please, when have I ever done something that spiteful?" Crosshair crossed his arms and gave her a deadpanned look, and Calli retracted her comment, "You know what, don't answer that. But you're just going to have to trust me." Calli didn't wait for Crosshair's reply. Putting the flashlight in her mouth with the light shining the way as she crawled into the vent, having flashbacks to her previous time doing this. She also felt her chest become heavy but this time a panic attack didn't come on as Calli was on a mission.

It wasn't too long before she found another opening and crawled out, now being in the lounge. Once Calli was on her feet, she took a couple steps toward the cockpit before pausing as an idea popped into her mind. Calli walked over to the med bay door and called out to Crosshair to make sure he was there - even though there was no way he could have gotten out.

"Yes, I'm still here." Crosshair answered coolly, as if he'd be anywhere else, "Go turn the power back on so I can get out of here!" Calli swallowed thickly and she worked up the courage to say what she was about to, knowing he wouldn't like it.

"I will but first you need to apologize." There was a brief silence before Crosshair all but exploded.

"What?!" Yep, definitely didn't like that. But Calli stood her ground.

"You heard me." She told Crosshair, and she heard him growl in frustration while slamming a fist onto the door.

"Quit playing around and open the damn door!"

"There's a reason the boys locked us in there," Calli said calmly, totally disregarding his demands though she could practically envision him shaking with rage. Yet she continued, "- and if we don't resolve things, they're just gonna come up with another half-baked plan. So just apologize and they'll leave us alone." There was again silence on the other end for a brief moment and Calli held her breath in anticipation, wondering if she'd get an answer at all. It wouldn't be a surprise if he chose to remain in the dark because admitting he was wrong was not something he excelled at.

"Fine." Crosshair spat out and there was another pause, the sniper having to suppress his pride to let the next two words leave his mouth. "I'm... Sorry." he let out a moody huff after, "There, are you happy now?"

Calli stared at the door, waiting for the satisfaction of getting her brother to apologize to come... only it didn't. Instead, she felt more hurt because it was obvious Crosshair didn't mean what he said. He only did it so she'd let him out, yet Calli had hoped there would have been some emotion, some remorse over his hurtful words.

The teen wordlessly headed for the cockpit and not long after the power to the ship was turned back on. Crosshair breathed a sigh of relief when the lights in the medbay flickered back on and a second later the door slid open. He sauntered out, thinking that everything was right as rain with the universe now and heading to the lounge area where he waited for Calli to come into. He was going to ask if she wanted to watch something together - believe or not there were a few select movies and shows that even he admitted he enjoyed. And maybe they could plan a little revenge on the other boys.

"What's up with you?" Crosshair asked, his tone lighthearted which was unusual for the sniper, as he was rarely in a good enough mood to be so happy. This just made Calli feel worse. Maybe the panic attack made her more emotional in the aftermath and maybe she was overreacting but at the moment Calli didn't care. It wasn't so much Crosshair's phony apology that hurt her, more the fact of what he'd said to her that morning after she'd been shot. He said she was weak. Has he thought of her as weak this entire time? Did he consider her a member of the team or just a liability? All these questions spiraled around in her head like a tornado and honestly it was just making her feel tired. When asked if she was ok, Calli turned to look at Crosshair with the same blank expression.

"Why should I answer that? You'll just tell me I'm weak again." Crosshair let out a sigh of exasperation.

"Are you still on that? I thought my apology fixed everything?" Calli chuckled mirthlessly.

"It was a very crappy apology."

"What, do I have to get down on my knees and beg for your forgiveness?" Crosshair retorted dryly. Normally Calli would reply with a jeering comment back, but she just felt too drained to do so.

"You can shout it from the rooftops for all I care - but if you don't actually feel sorry then it means nothing." Crosshair sighed again and took a seat in the copilot's chair, looking at Calli with slight annoyance yet keeping his temper in check. He didn't want her to break down again.

"Come on Cal, don't you think you're overreacting just a bit?" Calli shrugged indifferently, and Crosshair found her lack of emotion unnerving if he was being honest.

"Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that you've made me question my place on this team." Calli stood up and looked Crosshair in the eye one last time, "But I'll get over it. I just wish you'd realize that your words stung and I feel completely useless now."

"Why can't you just ignore what I say like you normally do? Half the time the stuff that comes out of my mouth is bull, you know how I am." Calli nodded.

"I do know." She said matter of factly, "You and I are a lot alike so I can take what you say with a grain of salt because I know you don't mean it. But unlike you, I have the guts to apologize when I really say something out of line. It's the reason I have friends and you don't. Maybe one day you'll learn to be nicer instead of a bad-tempered ass and then people might actually like you."

"That's a low blow, even for you."

"I learned from the best." Calli said simply and with that she left Crosshair in the cockpit alone.

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It may seem like Calli is overreacting and I apologize if you think she is. But sometimes it just takes a single, jabbing comment that makes your insecurities blow it out of proportion. Calli is like me in some ways, always questioning whether she is good enough and such. She may seem ok for the most part, being all happy about being in the squad and calling the boys her brothers, but deep down she still wonders if she belongs with them. If she's good enough to keep up with them and uphold their stellar reputation. Crosshair's comment about her being weak just made these insecurities flare up and take over. Plus, the anxiety attack didn't help, as those are very scary to go through. I've never personally experienced one but have been around people who've had a panic attack. You feel helpless, not knowing what to do.

I hoped you enjoyed this chapter despite its angst. I've written some scenes in this book that show a softer side of Crosshair but have done my best to stay to his true character. Severe and unyielding. I've simply added some layers to his personality. He's like an onion. (If you get that reference, you're awesome!)

It'll be at least two more chapters before the Bad Batch Arc, provided I don't get another idea that I just HAVE to write.

Bye for now!

~B.C.

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writeradamanteve · 4 years ago

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After Much More Consideration Than Is Warranted for Someone Who Didn’t See the Episode

I have a lot to say, and if you choose to disregard it because you think I don’t know what I’m talking about, feel free to skip.

But if you’re open to my thoughts on all this, buckle up. This is not for the faint of heart or “To All the Boys I Loved Before” crowd—

I’ve had a good night’s sleep and a lot of kvetching on Discord behind me. I’ve had a few hours to think and here’s what I’ve ended up with:

On Betty Hooking Up With Archie

As unpalatable to me as the B*archie plot is, I am of the firm belief that ultimately, Betty has every right to fuck whomever she wants.

Do I hate that she chose Archie? Yes. Did I think this was something Betty and Archie could walk back? No. Would I feel as terrible if she slept with Sweet Pea? Or Reggie? Or Farmer McGinty? Not in the least. I simply hate it because it’s Archie, and I’ll explain in a bit why these earlier thoughts are problematic, but I’ll go into the other better reason I hate this plot: I hate it because this is the third time in five seasons we have to deal with this. I’m tired of it. I have to watch these writers shoehorn this plot in for whatever stupid and misguided reason they have: that Betty’s trauma is making her do it and that they need to have Jughead and Archie have some kind of blowout. Like, can’t they think of anything better?

BUT be that as it may, this plot is here, and so now we come to why assigning hate to this plot “because it’s Archie” is problematic. I asked myself: should it really matter? Objectively, no. Its been 7 years. Jughead shut her down in a voicemail, and as far as she’s concerned, Jughead didn’t want her anymore. Archie’s clearly a selfish prick, but he definitely has no issues about sleeping with his supposed Best Friend’s ex because Reggie, his football bro-dude, did it to him with Veronica and it turned out he was OK with it. He is applying the same here, and ultimately, if Jughead has to find out that Betty and Archie were boinking indiscriminately, he needs to remember that he cut that chord when he left that voicemail. He might not have known it then, but he knows it now, and he has to examine his own part in unraveling that Blue & Gold thread.

On Jughead Womp

Listen, all. I love Jughead, and given everything that’s happened in these episodes, I feel for him. I feel like in some respects, the other characters could be nicer to him, but let’s get one thing straight. Jughead had a lot to do with his own misery and misfortune. Our precious soft boy caused many of the things happening to him now—his distance from Betty, the way the Serpents aren’t forgiving, his writer’s block, his failed relationships, and maybe even the eventual demise of his writing career (if he did send Cora’s manuscript and passed it off as his. At any rate, if he did a “Punching and Fucking” Californication schtick, he will survive it like Hank Moody did).

I love him, but if any discontent is going to be expressed about how the rest of the gang are handling their miserable selves, we can’t place Jughead above it and think the world is against him. No. Just no. Those unpaid bills didn’t unpay themselves. Those mobsters aren’t randomly pursuing him.

Jughead is JUST as disappointing as the rest of them, because he squandered the great opportunities that were handed to him, and then he had the gall to think that the Serpents wouldn’t take his portrayal of them personally.

I say this to him (and maybe to everyone because this is a good life lesson): Goodwill is enduring (he sacrificed his life for Serpents), but people will only endure so much if you shit on them, and in this case, he memorialized that shit in a published book.

On Betty Saying She Wanted to Fuck Archie Since High School

This didn’t even make me blink. Like, I didn’t even feel a twitch about that. @imreallyloveleee said it best in her post but it bears repeating: (1) sexual thoughts aren’t exclusive to the people you love; (2) it doesn’t invalidate your meaningful relationships; (3) Betty could’ve done it with Archie in the bunker, but she didn’t.

I’m not even going to point to, “Well, she liked him until sophomore year so YEAH, she thought about sleeping with Archie.” I think that’s absurd. She did think about sleeping with Archie even after that. Even after she was with Jughead. Archie WAS a thing, and thoughts--especially sexual thoughts, are not static and linear. They are alive and affected by a multitude of chemical reactions in our body. They permeate our daily activities and relationships. She HAD those thoughts and she doesn’t need to apologize for it, or be villified for it.

The funny thing is my initial thought about it was that it was just pillow talk. On the one hand it could be construed as something of a bone she was throwing Archie the Labrador, but it was also something Betty needed to say for herself, a way to convince herself that she was doing this for something more meaningful than a way to cope with being in the Panic Room of her trauma, but this is a conclusion based on nothing but my own biases.That said, it certainly kept me from falling into a black hole of despair over it.

On Betty Sleeping With Men Because She Can

Maybe she has to work on some stuff for her mental health. Maybe she has some trauma, but Betty had enjoyed sex in the past even without trauma. She likes it and sometimes she just needs it. Her sex appears to be responsible, consesual, and she appears to enjoy it. I mean, when she doesn’t feel like it, she says, “Nah,” and stays home with her cat.

#anti-b*rchie #riverdale #anti-archie #betty cooper #jughead jones #riverdale negativity #i stan betty cooper #i stan jughead jones but he is also infuriating

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forbidding-souda · 4 years ago

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nsfw alphabet for gundham please? tysm!

NSFW A-Z with Gundham Tanaka

I got you!!!

Some of them are copy and pasted from past posts bc I’ve done them before

-Mod Souda

A - Aftercare

He has kind hands, ones that can hold you.

His ability to communicate is not the best, but he is willing to take criticism.

Cuddling is still a really weird thing for him. He’s stiff and can’t take the skin on skin contact for more than an hour.

B - Body part

To touch? He likes to run his fingers up and down your naked back. He feels every curve, every muscle, and lets his index finger trace your spine. With each of your breathes, your ribcage expands, his hands following the rhythm.

The pain of his fingernails digging into your shoulders with each of his trusts reminds you of the small red lines you still have from the night before - trailing from your shoulder blades down to the curve of your ass.

C - Cum

Okay let me get this one out of my system. But like,,, overstimulating this fucker?? womp womp womp. You have to wrap his hands up so he won’t try to hold onto you. Just watching him squirm is enough.

But the lewd noises that leave his mouth are all you need to make sure he won’t stop cumming. Even when it’s sensitive, and he’s begging for a break, you won’t stop until he can barely talk anymore.

By the second time you’ve made him cum, over twenty minutes has passed. He can still hold up his fight.

Still call you pet names and bite his lips with an anxious laugh.

But by the fourth, or fifth time, you just smile while listening to his wet ah’s.

D - Dirty secret

He likes smells. Things like slick, cum, sweat, or even your breathe when you pant against his lips.

The smell of you getting home from a run, where the sporty clothes you wear are so easy to peel off.

E - Experience

Zero. None. Nada. Absolutely none.

Doesn’t even like watching porn or other couples kissing.

He’s like ok *walks away*

Not much of a contact person to this day, too.

F - Favorite position

From behind. Yeahhh.

It helps him with the anxiety, since you can’t see him.

He doesn’t have to worry about you judging him. There’s no need to be self conscious from that angle.

G - Goofy

Not very goofy, and if anything, he takes it surprisingly seriously. He doesn’t think of sex as a fun activity, or something to do to spend time.

H - Hair

I think he cares a lot about the hair on his head to not care about his body hair.

I’m also thinking that he probably doesn’t even have that much.

I - Intimacy

He’s very tense, and a little drawn back. Always clenching his fists and biting his lips.

Only when he’s overstimulated does he let go of himself fully, letting his tongue fall out of his mouth as his whole body loses all of its battle.

J - Jack off

He hardly ever. Like, it’s such a rare occasion. But he has to be completely isolated. No background noise. Nothing to distract him from himself.

He makes sure to barricade the door so no one can get in. He likes to masturbate bent over, usually with his shoulders on the bed and the rest of him stiff. With one hand stroking himself, the other hand will grasp the bedsheets in an attempt to release the pleasure somewhere else.

K - Kink

He likes having his hands tied together by his own scarf. To be forced down by something so sentimental to him is almost irresistible.

Humiliation is something that edges him without effort. He gets flustered easily, almost too easily, and it’s something you take advantage of.

L - Location

The guest room, since it does not home his hamsters. He would not want his precious babies watching the lewd actions he does.

M - Motivation

This mf gets turned on just by hearing your shower run. The idea of you being naked, even not in a dirty sense.

He can’t help but let his mind wonder at it.

He just loves showering with you. It’s almost the only thing that keeps him going.

He gets turned on the moment the two of you are isolated, and in the situation where you stand right in front of him, putting your hands on his sides.

The contact is so sexually passive-aggressive. Like you’re holding him in place. Smaller things, like both of your hands on his shoulders, throws him into shock for tiny seconds.

N - No

Any type of animal play. Things like cat ears or the petnames kitten or puppy.

He does not find the idea of animals to be sexy. At all.

O - Oral

Not really a taker or a giver. He doesn’t like the idea of it, and would much prefer using his hands.

With that, he can dig his face into the crook of your neck as he does.

P - Pace

Very rough, even if it’s unintentional. Even his kisses are rather aggressive.

He is just a big hunk of a man.

Q - Quickie

No way. None at all, unless he manages to drink Teruteru’s altered soup again.

R - Risk

.. A little.. he likes risk a little bit. He likes the way it makes his heart increase.

Gives him a high without the touch of others.

Makes him feel a bit empowered whenever the two of you get caught.

S - Stamina

Has a really good stamina, surprisingly. A very powerful man.

Once he starts enjoying himself, it’s hard for him to calm down. He’s obsessed with the way you kiss and the curves of your body. So beautiful to him. All he wants is to grip onto the headboard and kiss all over your collarbones.

T - Toy

Hhhhhhhhhh the first thing that comes to my mind of course is vibrators <3.

Do I think this man is a bottom? Yes.

Okay, wait another idea just came to my head.

Because I don’t think Gundham is a very contact-y sexual person, so what if instead of penetrating his partner himself he just uses a vibrator on them.

Omg I might be on to something there.

U - Unfair

A bright smile comes to his face whenever he hears you whine against his rough kisses. He is such a tease when he feels confident enough. Your noises fuel him more than anything.

V - Volume

He isn’t loud unless you’re the one taking control of him. Usually, when he’s dominant, he is focused on you, and not himself. But the amount of ah’s that fall from his lips when you play with him is infinite.

W - Wild Card

I’m just gonna use this to say why do people think he’s into pet play ya’ll PLEASE- animals are like his escape route from his horrible childhood why would he be sexually attracted to something animal-related I am HORRIFIED.

X - Xray

HEhehherbejhkrbfkjehw

I feel like his shit is long as hell.

He’s packing ngl.

don’t argue with me because you won’t win

Huge titties huge dick

Y - Yearning

Nah, I don’t think he would go out of his way to seek out sexual things. Kisses are even hard for him to get through at times. Is he touch-starved? Yes. Does he want to be touched? Not all of the time.

Z - Zzzz

More breathless than tired.

Will still get up to feed his animals and make sure they are okay - as if they would get worried that he was gone for so long.

#Gundam Tanaka #sdr2 gundham #gundham tanaka x reader #GUNDHAM TANAKA

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headfulloffantasies · 4 years ago

Text

Legacy Returning

Din Djarin is not fit to be the Mand’alor. He runs from the responsibility and more specifically from Bo-Katan.

Ao3

Legacy Returning

Din received a hail while he was flying between planets on the Outer Rim. He opened the hail without thinking, expecting Karga or Cara with a new bounty.

Bo Katan’s face flickered through the hologram. Din dove for the disengage button.

“Din Djarin.”

Too late.

Din slumped in his seat. He had come to hate that stupid headband so much. “I’m not fighting you for the Darksaber,” he cut right to the chase.

Bo Katan pressed her lips together in a frown. “If you will not face me in combat then you must return to Mandalore and begin reparations.”

Din had never stepped foot on Mandalore. It was hard to return to a place you’d never been.

“No thank you,” he said. He reached out to end the call.

“Consider your fellow vod,” Bo Katan said.

Vod. Brothers. Din had no brothers. His covert had been destroyed. He had broken his Creed. He had no one but the foundling he’d given away.

“Mandalore needs its leader,” Bo Katan pleaded.

“That’s not me,” Din said. “If you want the Darksaber, I’m throwing it in the nearest supernova.”

He hung up.

Din arrived on Tatooine at Peli’s shop. She came out of her office wiping her hands on a rag. “Where’s the little womp rat?” She asked in place of a greeting.

Din swallowed hard. “He’s with his kind,” he said.

Peli’s face fell. “Well, next time you have him, bring him this way. I like the little guy.”

Din smiled under his helmet.

“I need some help,” he admitted.

Peli came over and banged a fist on the side of his new ship. “Doesn’t look too bad. Better than your old rust heap.”

“Not with the ship,” Din said. “I need someplace to hide.”

Peli turned on him with a finger pointed in his face. “I know you’re a good person under that bucket, Mando, but if you bring trouble to Mos Eisley I won’t forgive you.”

“Noted,” Din nodded.

Peli dropped the offending finger. “So, what kind of trouble are you in now?”

Din sighed loud enough that it crackled through his helmet. “I accidentally became ruler of Mandalore.”

Peli blinked. She burst out laughing. “You? You can barely take care of the kid!”

Din bristled at that. He’d done excellent with Grogu. He’d found the Jedi for him, hadn’t he?

“Do you know of anywhere I can lay low?” He asked.

Peli shrugged. “People come to Tatooine to disappear all the time. You might want to ask the new crime lord at the Hutt Palace if you’re looking for work.”

Din startled. “There’s a new crime lord?”

Peli waved her hands. “Regimes fall every day. Do I look like a newswave?”

Din thanked her and decided he’d make his way to the Hutt Palace. Work was good. It would keep him occupied until he could figure out his next move.

At the Palace a pretty girl led Din down the stone steps to the throne room. Din’s footsteps echoed in the quiet halls.

They rounded the corner. A throne sat on a raised platform. Din let out a soft curse. “Boba Fett?”

The green helmeted Mandalorian leaped off his throne. “Mando! I thought you’d been killed by that kriffing Mandalorian princess.”

“Not yet,” Din extended his hand. They clasped vambraces. Fennec appeared from behind the throne, carrying a bottle of blue spotchka.

“Nice to see you again,” she smirked.

“What can I do for you, my friend?” Boba asked.

“A job, if you have any,” Din answered. “A hiding place, if not.”

Boba exchanged a glance with Fennec. “You’re running from Bo Katan?”

Din sighed. The sound came from the depths of his very core. “She’s decided if she can’t beat me, she’ll join me.”

“Which means what?” Boba asked.

“She’s trying to put me on the throne of Mandalore,” Din explained.

There was a beat of silence. Boba Fett burst into laughter. The sound bounced off the stone walls. Fennec tried her best, but her smile broke into giggles. Fett bent over and braced himself on his knees while he caught his breath.

“That girl has no taste,” Boba Fett said.

Din wasn’t sure if he should be offended.

Boba sent Din on a task to collect a wayward dealer who’d skimmed some money off the top of Boba’s operation.

“She’s way out in the Dune Sea,” Boba said. “That should be far enough away from Bo Katan.”

Din borrowed Peli’s speeder and set out. As he rode into the sweltering heat of the desert Din reflected on his friends’ reactions to his supposed rulership. No one thought he could do it. Kriff, even Din didn’t think he should be the Mand’alor, but some support would be nice. He definitely could not accept the throne, though. He was dar’manda; he’d lost his Way. He couldn’t lead Mandalore. Especially when he’d come to understand that most Mandalorians did not in fact follow the Way. He should just accept Bo Katan’s challenge and let her have the stupid Darksaber. Kriff, what a stupid system to have a laser sword determine the right to rule. What if it got stolen?

Din arrived at the coordinates Boba Fett had given him. Amid the towering rocks jutting out of the sand Din found a cave. It seemed like the place a normal species would take cover from the suns.

Din stepped into the shade. His visor adjusted to the dimness. A blanket, a dead firepit and a mess of used ration wrappers strewed on the ground. And- was that? Yep. That was a bomb.

Din came to with his ears ringing. He blinked through his visor. Twin suns pierced his vison. He took a breath.

Dank Farrik, that hurt. He ground his teeth against the wave of pain. When it faded enough to manage, Din took stock. It didn’t feel like any shrapnel had pierced his skin. At most, his head hurt. And his ribs under the chest plate.

Gingerly, Din sat up. Smoke billowed out of the cave. The blast had obviously thrown him backwards into the sand. It would take days to clean all the grit from his armour.

A shadow fell over him. Din looked up, a hand on his blaster.

“Dank Farrik,” he hissed. Blue Mandalorian armour filled his vision.

Bo Katan lifted her helmet. Behind her, Kaska Reeves held the collar of Din’s bounty.

Din wobbled to his feet. “What are you doing here?”

Bo Katan had the audacity to look shocked. “I’m here to speak to you. You are the Mand’alor.”

“No.” Din unclipped the Darksaber from his belt. Bo Katana stiffened. Din drew back his arm and pitched the Darksaber as far as he could. He nearly toppled over. The Darksaber winked in the light of the twin suns and vanished into the desert.

Bo Katan made a sound like a choked loth cat. Din did not care. He stomped over to Kaska Reeves and snatched his bounty from her.

“Wait,” she said. “She has to stand trial for trying to assassinate the Mand’alor.”

“No,” Din repeated. He tossed his bounty over his speeder and took off. Bo Katan yelled after him. Probably something about disrespecting his cultural heritage. Din still didn’t care.

Boba Fett took one look at Din at decided he needed a drink. Din agreed, but he’d prefer to drink alone. Besides, any planet with Bo Katan on it was not a planet he could stay on.

Din stayed one step ahead of Bo Katan for longer than he actually expected. Say you want about the princess, but she was competent and crafty. She managed to lure him to a backwater swamp with a fake bounty puck.

“I don’t want it,” Din said. Bo Katan held out the Darksaber to him imploringly. She must have spent hours cleaning the sand from its mechanisms.

Din sighed. “Do you want to arm wrestle for it? Would that work?”

Bo Katan’s eyebrows creased. “The Darksaber must be won in combat.”

Din sagged. He was so very tired of people telling him things he didn’t understand.

“I don’t know anything about it,” Din explained. “I don’t know how it works.”

He meant it as an excuse to pass the light sword along to her, but Bo Katan took it as an invitation to recite the Darksaber’s history.

It was… a lot.

Din latched onto one very important detail. “So, it hasn’t always been a symbol of the Mand’alor.”

Bo Katan faltered. “Well, no, but-.”

“And it was stolen from the Jedi,” Din said.

“Yes. But it was Mandalorian first,” Bo Katan emphasised. “The Jedi had no right-.”

“So, it actually belongs to the Jedi,” Din finished his train of thought.

He swiped the Darksaber from Bo Katan’s lax grip. He whipped around and ran up the ramp of his ship.

Bo Katan yelled after him, “Where are you going?”

“I’m giving it back to the Jedi,” Din shouted back. Glowing satisfaction filled his chest at the strangled noise Bo Katan made.

The best part was that he had an actual excuse to go see Grogu. Usually, he showed up to the Jedi academy with a half baked defense about protecting the children or something. Luke humored him, for which Din was eternally grateful. It wouldn’t do to have to kneecap his son’s teacher.

Din knew Luke was dramatic. The man wore a cape. Din did not wear a cape; it was a cloak and it was different. Capes were for dramatic entrances. This time though, Din thought Luke had taken the cake. Upon being presented with the Darksaber, Luke had vaulted into a tree and refused to come down.

“It belongs to the Jedi!” Din shouted up at Luke. He could just see his pale blond hair through the thick foliage.

“I want nothing to do with that thing!” Luke shot back.

Fine. Din could play dirty then. “Isn’t your sister Force sensitive? Does she need a laser sword?”

“Do not give the Death Saber to my sister!” Luke hissed.

Din did not move from his position of holding the Darksaber up towards Luke. He realised he looked much like Bo Katan had when she offered Din the sword. Kriff, why was she only person in the galaxy who wanted it but wouldn’t take it?

“Do any of your other students need a weapon?” Din suggested. He perked up. “What about Grogu? How long until he gets a sword? I can hold onto it for him until he’s ready.”

Luke sobbed.

Rude. Din thought it was a great idea. “It’ll be like a family heirloom.”

“I will murder you in your sleep,” Luke mumbled in the tree. “I will smother you with your pillow.”

Good luck with that. Din wore the helmet to sleep while he visited the academy. He’d had a close call with curious children the first time he’d come to see Grogu. Force users had no regard for locks that couldn’t stop them.

Anyways, Luke could not stay in that tree forever. Luke seemed to realise this too. He finally dropped back to ground level with surprising grace. He had a leaf stuck in his hair. It made him look much younger.

“That thing,” Luke jabbed a finger at the Darksaber. “Has been used to destroy the Jedi. It has no place here.”

Din looked down at the blade. “I don’t understand,” he admitted. “It’s just a thing. An object. But everyone acts like it has a will and a destiny. It’s a tool. Tools don’t care what you use them for; they don’t know the difference between good and evil.”

Din had Luke’s full attention. It was a bit daunting. Din swallowed. “Instead of giving more power to the stories of evil deeds, why don’t you use it for good? Reclaim its legacy.”

Luke squinted at him. “You’re a very clever man, Din Djarin. And a very tricky one.”

At least someone thought so.

“Does that mean you’ll take it?” Din extended the Darksaber again.

Luke hesitated. “I think,” Luke said slowly. “That you should be the one to reclaim the Darksaber’s legacy. The Force is working very strongly around you, Din Djarin.”

Din sagged. “I don’t want to be the Mand’alor.”

“Then don’t,” Luke said.

Din’s gaze snapped up to the Jedi.

Luke shrugged. “Part of the Darksaber’s dark legacy is the bloody war for the throne of Mandalore. If you hold the Darksaber but refuse to claim Mandalore then the Mandalorians will have to come up another system to choose their leader.”

Din narrowed his eyes. Luke had a devious mind. It might just work.

“You want me to spend the rest of my life defending the Darksaber from would be assassins and someday die a natural death without ever being defeated?”

Luke shrugged. “Something like that.” He grinned. “You’re doing great so far.”

Din resolutely did not mention he’d been blown up earlier that month.

Din clipped the Darksaber to his belt. “Fine. But if anybody calls me a Jedi, I’m bringing the sword right back here and burying it forever.”

END

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kikis-writing-world · 4 years ago

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Omg hello congratulations on your milestone!!!!! If you’re doing ship requests I’d love to get one if that’s okay/possible and you can do whatever you’d like as far as 18+ or AUs or anything (I’m sure you have a million now so I totally get it if not!!). I’m an introvert but also an ex-theatre kid so I can turn on the extrovert if need be and will crush karaoke if given the chance. I love movies but LOVE LOVE horror movies, am called the “goth mom” friend in my friend group, museums, SNL, musical theatre, cats, drink tea like it’s my job, collecting records, Halloween, and even though I have crippling anxiety I just want love yknow?? I also have tattoos, blue hair and a nose piercing and do the whole casual goth thing (like colour in a wardrobe? We don’t know them lol)! I’ve been told I seem intimidating at first but then as soon as you meet me it’s like “oh she’s actual just a marshmallow good to know”. Thank you for doing these and from one Canadian to another congratulations again!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤✨✨✨✨

Thank you so much! First of all, we would totally be friends IRL. Just saying. I had purple hair before I had to tone it down to work for a Canadian theatre company, womp womp. Love horror, but need a buddy to watch it with cause I’m a bit of a scaredy but I love it all the same. Enough about me, onto you!!

I’m not totally sure why, but I like you with Marcus Moreno. I don’t think I’ve paired him with anyone yet either... See, I can see him not totally being intimidated by you at first because of Missy’s penchant for dressing a little “leave me alone” sometimes. He’s still intimidated because you’re a pretty girl and he’s been out of the dating scene for a while, but Missy would definitely push him to date you. She’d think you’re the coolest shit. You’d help him relax, drag him to Karaoke, watch horror movies with him (which he’d probably laugh at most of the time because he’s already dealt with worse irl.) I hope you’re okay with being a step-mom, cause just about the hardest part of your relationship I can think of is Missy trying to convince her dad she should get a nose piercing too!

Your AU? You’re getting a mix of a neighbors/friends to lovers gimmick. I’ll explain how I see it going down:

You live next door to Anita, Marcus’ mom. The two of you are friendly - Anita has met some strange people in her time, so she’s not put off at all by your outward look. When you realize she’s an older woman living alone, you start spending more time with her. You have little tea dates where you’ll chat and drink tea, eat cookies etc. You help her if there’s something she needs around the house, you help her replant her flowers when your cat scratches them up (which she rolls her eyes at, fakes annoyance, and then gives it some scritches) that kind of stuff.

Well, one day you go over and her son comes over unannounced and wowza. Sure, she probably has pics of him up around her house, but mostly as a kid, or with his little family. Anita is an observant little meddler and points out that Marcus is single. And she points out that you live alone and could use a man to check up on you now and again. You’re both too embarrassed to really notice how embarrassed the other gets at this. Once Missy meets you, they’re double trouble in pushing you together.

Marcus asks you to babysit every once in a while, which you do cause you and Missy have a fun time. Missy asks you to help out with the school play that’s going on, which brings you around a lot more. What I see sealing the deal is that Missy signs both of you up to chaperone a school dance... You both dress up (appropriate but nice) and you’re a little gobsmacked to see each other looking so good. An older song you both like plays and you get up the nerve to ask him to dance (I don’t see him making the first move here.)

By the end of the night, you’re saying goodbye and Missy finally just goes “oh my god, will you two kiss already!” and well... you do.

Post with the rules and possible tropes here. Join in the fun!

#66followers #66followers celebration #shipping games #artsymaddie #300 Followers Celebration

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sabraeal · 4 years ago

Text

Hypewired Unsolved Drinking Game, Rule #2: Shirayuki Despairs Over Obi’s Life Choices

Rule #1

Written for @ruleofexception on the occasion of her BIRTH. I thought this would be more ghost hunting and less metrics, but I should have known I couldn’t resist a premise-building chapter.

[Shirayuki] Have you ever heard of the Gardner Museum Heist?

[Obi] Oohhh.

[Shirayuki] *laughs* What was that?

[Obi] Oh, nothing, nothing. It’s just... I love heists.

[Shirayuki] You love heists? *laughs* No, I take it back, that doesn’t surprise me at all.

[Obi] *laughs* Come on, who doesn’t love a good heist?

[Shirayuki] This one *is* known as the biggest art heist of its kind.

[Obi] Oh ho ho ho. You’re saying all the right things to me.

The thing about haunted houses-- the real kind, not the ones that hire teenagers to wear stage make up and hold fake chainsaws-- is that they’re hard to book.

“Oh, in my hometown, they hired ex-convicts,” Obi says in the same casual way he says anything vaguely terrifying about his childhood, “and they gave them real, working chainsaws.”

Her jaw drops, face still plastered to her phone’s screen. Soft jazz worms into her ear. “That can’t be true. That has to be a-- a rumor or something.”

“Nah, nah, the farm had a work program with the local prison. I think sometimes they did seasonal work too?” He shrugs. “I don’t know. But it definitely made the hayride more popular. Gave it a real element of danger, you know?”

Shirayuki stares. “And they gave them real chainsaws?”

“Well, they only revved them a little.” He twitches his shoulder, as much of a shrug as he ever gives. “One time a guy hopped on the cart and chopped the bale next to me, but I mean, I probably deserved that.”

She might be sitting down, but oh, she could really do to sit down again. Harder. Mentally. Emotionally. “And you’re sure these were ex-convicts?”

“Yeah, probably.” Not an endorsement ringing with confidence. “I mean, I’m sure they were in for non-violent crimes, at least.”

There are two wolves inside of her, and one of them is pleased to hear about a local business working to place disadvantaged community members, and the other-- well, the other thinks that maybe everyone should be a little more solid on the whole non-violent convictions than they are.

Before she has the chance to suggest it, the phone clicks, and a pleasant female voice says, “Hill House, Donna speaking, how may I help you?”

“Oh, hi, yes,” she fumbles, “I’m Shirayuki calling from Hypewire. We would like to talk about booking your location.”

“Hypewire?” Donna pauses, the good long kind that means she’s probably from a generation that prefers to read its news on paper, and not from a website that has an option to react with emojis. “Oh, did you want to do an article on the house?”

“Ah, something like that.” Obi arches a brow, lips twitching as he crams another Funyon between them. He’s far too distracting to have around while she needs to have thinky thoughts, especially if he’s going to make faces at her. “I’m the producer of Hyperwire Unsolved, and we were wondering if we could possibly do a, ah--” she coughs-- “an investigation? Of the house? For the show?”

“Oh, Hypewire Unsolved!” The woman laughs. “My nephew loves you guys. But don’t you do true crime?”

[Sender]: [email protected] [Recipients]: [email protected] [Subject]: Re: Episode Filming

Thank you for your interest in our venue for an episode. Some of our interns are big fans of your show! However, we have to admit some confusion, as we were under the impression you were a true crime show…

“How’d they get that impression?” Higata grunts, hunching further over his keyboard. His screen in the only light in the editing bay, castling a ghastly glow over his face. “The art department just sent me six different aliens to pick from for the Roswell episode, and now we’re Serial? Come on.”

Shirayuki sighs. “I know. But it seems our more popular episodes are the ones about collar bombers and serial murderers. At least by the metrics”

Higata might only be twenty-six, but he’d be right at home at the VA buffet with the way he grumbles. “You know His Highness over there was talking to me about making true crime and supernatural separate seasons. Something about...keeping views and organizational groups or something.”

“Huh.” She sits back, nibbling on her lip. “It would certainly give me more of a focus each season. What do you think?”

“I guess it’s fine. Two editing credits for my resume for one show’s work is a good deal.” He overlays a shadowy police sketch into the video, shoulders rounded and tense. “What do I know? I just sit in the dark and pick which ghostly visage I want to layer over your audio.”

She leans in with her sunniest smile, squeezing his arm right above the elbow. “And you’re so good at it!”

“I am.” He’s too much of a professional to look away from his work, shifting the same image three pixels over and then three pixels back, but his bicep relaxes beneath her grip. “I am a top tier spooky face picker. All the commenters say so.”

She blinks. “Oh? They do?”

Higata twists in his seat, gaze somehow even more incredulous in the lack of light. “No, Shirayuki, they don’t. But they should.” He gestures to the screen vaguely. “They mostly just talk about how much they want to fuck Obi.”

“OH.” There’s some information she really, really didn’t need. “That’s um, ah--”

“Your job, according to roughly half our fan base.” His mouth hooks into a grin she does not enjoy. “What do you say, Lyon? I think we could break the bank if you kissed him once on camera.”

“I-- I mean--” it’s a ridiculous request, clearly a joke, but her heart is pounding so loud in her ears she can’t hear her own thoughts-- “that’s not really w-what the show is about.”

Higata laughs. “That’s what you think.”

“What does who think?”

Shirayuki jumps straight out of her chair.

It’s not an exaggeration; there’s literal air between her butt and the seat, and when she lands again, the soft cushion makes the most obvious whoosh noise in existence, only worse, since it’s slow too. No obnoxious whoopee cushion womp, oh no, just an endless, air pump whoosssssshhhhhh that’s as blatant as a rattlesnake in the silence.

“Obi!” His lean shadow fills the doorway—wow, is he actually that tall?—and his head tilts, just enough so that his eyes shimmer gold. “I—nothing! We were, um, nothing?”

“We were talking about true crime,” Higata supplies, darting her a pitying look, “and how that’s what everyone thinks we are. Winchester House just emailed back.”

Obi grimaces, teeth flashing white in the dark. “Ah, great. Another one of those.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, deflating into a slouch. “I could talk about Big Foot until I’m blue in the face, but everyone thinks I have nuanced opinions about Jeffrey Dahmer.”

One narrow brow arches toward his hairline. “But you do have nuanced opinions about Jeffrey Dahmer.”

“I just think animal mutilation is probably a sign things aren’t going right in your life and someone should have noticed.” She waves her hands, at a loss. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to explore a supposedly haunted house.”

His lips twitch, right at one corner. “For a skeptic, you’re really into the idea you could see a ghost.”

“Stories are part of the human experience,” she explains primly. “We use them to understand what feels inexplicable. And ghosts are part of how we compartmentalize death.”

“Or they are the remnants of people who died too soon.” Obi pushes himself off the jamb, sauntering over to where they sit. “Or whatever bad juju is left by human misery—hey, that’s a sweet mugshot. Who’s it supposed to be?”

Higata squints. “I keep thinking it might be Shiira? But the cheeks are all wrong.”

“Huh.” Obi leans between the two of them, nose hovering mere inches away from the screen. His arm presses into her shoulder, too warm. “Brecker.”

“Brecker?” Higata tilts his head. “Oh yeah, I see it now. He’s not gonna like that.”

He huffs out a laugh. “Good thing he doesn’t watch joyless tripe like Unsolved then.”

“Yeah.” Higata snickers, raising the opacity. “Good thing.”

Obi settles back on his heels, hand gripping the back of her chair. She dares a glance up, and there he is, watching her with one of those looks she doesn’t know how to read. “Don’t worry, Lyon,” he says, thumb rubbing at the plastic back. “The season’s only just started. Give it some time.”

“I’d love to,” she mutters, tilting her head back, resting it on his wrist. “But try explaining that to Izana.”

[Obi] I’m just saying, there’s no sexier crime than a heist. ...Well, I mean, that doesn’t involve actual sex.

[Shirayuki] *wheeze*

[Obi] You know what I mean.

[Shirayuki] Do I? Am I finding out too much about you right now? Is this how you get seduced at parties? Girls just cornering you and telling you about high-profile robberies?

[Obi] *laughs* This is absolutely not how I get seduced at parties. Unless you’d like to try...?

[Shirayuki] . . .

[Obi] Besides, it’s not like this is just a regular robbery. Heists don’t happen to normal people. Just the rich ones.

[Shirayuki] Well, this *is* a museum. It’s for learning purposes.

[Obi] Oh, like all that stuff actually *belongs* to a museum anyway.

[Shirayuki] Actually...this time it does!

[Obi] Wow, now there’s a mystery I want to investigate.

“We want to capitalize on the energy from this season.”

Izana isn’t a man who lounges; his mesh office chair is relentlessly ergonomic, only a few aggressively rolled lumbar supports away from a torture device. But still, he gives off the energy of a cat lazing in a sunspot, already gotten into the cream.

“Unsolved has always had excellent metrics, but since the premier--” he glances pointedly at Obi-- “they’re unparalleled by any other digital media Wisteria has put out on any of its platforms.”

Obi sprawls in one of the wire-frame chairs Izana has out, far too big for its delicate frame, every inch of him as still as the grave. Except for his one, bouncing knee, practically vibrating as he asks, “That’s...good right?”

“Very good.” Shirayuki may not be a metrics person, but working with Zen gave her more than a passing acquaintance with what success sounds like. “I think he’s telling us...we’re his cash cow.”

Izana’s lips lift into a smirk. “Just so. You’re more popular than Stand the Heat, and that’s saying something.”

It is saying something-- Obi’s show consistently has the most hits and the highest likes-to-views ratio. It’s been the backbone of Hypewire’s digital media section since it premiered last year, and now-- now Unsolved has passed it. If the graph Izana’s laid out is right, they’ve passed it by...a lot.

Shirayuki sneaks a glance at Obi as he leans over, taking in the numbers. She can’t move, can’t even breathe as he stares, eyes rounding as he understands what’s happening.

He rips the paper off the desk, shaking it at her. “Do you see this?”

She blinks. “Y-yes?”

His mouth breaks into a grin, like a Labrador who has found a particularly giant stick. “We’re awesome.”

“Oh,” she breathes, and wow, this is really not the time to think about the-- the Abayan effect, even if that smile makes it extremely hard not to. “Okay.”

“We should have you on the show.” His knee bounces a mile a minute, words barely keeping pace. “See if that makes the ratings draw even.”

Shirayuki stares at him, but there’s no hint of sarcasm, no undertone of agitation. For all intents and purposes, it seems as if he’s just...inviting her on his highly rated cooking show.

That can’t be right.

“Not a bad thought, Abayan,” Izana hums, fingers tapping at the desk. “Turn that in to me with the rest of your proposals for next season.”

Obi grins. “No problem, boss.”

“Wait.” This is all happening too fast; it’s all too much. Three weeks ago she was scrambling for a new co-host, and now she’s sitting next to Hypewire’s media darling, talking about how she needs to be on his show for his ratings. “I don’t-- we shouldn’t--”

“Oh, can you not cook?” Obi smiles, and it’s-- entirely too much. “Don’t worry, Lyon, you’ll be on top when I’m done with you.”

“N-no!” she chokes. “I-- I’m the daughter of a bar! I mean, my grandparents--” ugh, four years to get a journalism degree, and she still can’t word good-- “they owned a pub.”

“Great.” His teeth flash, half-feral. “Then you’ll know how to follow my lead.”

“I think,” Izana says, tipping her a speculative look, “that Shirayuki is less worried about her prowess in the kitchen, and more about what these sort of numbers might mean to a show like Unsolved. Isn’t that right?”

“Ah, I mean...” It’s terrible how good he is at his job. “It’s all so...quick. We’re still editing this season, and already I’m working on the ideas for next one, and I have to not only write scripts but also scout locations, and Higata is already stretched thin--”

“We’ll get you another editor.”

Her jaw drops. “W-what?”

Izana folds his hands, so calm, and tells her, “We’ll get you another editor.”

Shirayuki stares, mouth utterly dry. It had been a struggle to get Higata last season; after Obi had roasted the idea during Pitch Fight, Hypewire’s higher-ups had been loath to put any actual support behind Unsolved. Only his dogged enthusiasm-- and flagrantly working on the project behind their backs-- had gotten him on board after the pilot took off. And now Izana Wisteria was just handing her someone else. Personally.

She reaches down and pinches herself. Yep, this is-- this is real life. Somehow.

“You want to-- you mean that--” she gulps-- “you want to give Unsolved a team?”

He nods, brusque and efficient. “I can get you another researcher as well. Or if the locations appear to be a problem, perhaps a personal assistant?” He lifts a hand, a Wisteria shrug. “Just let me know your needs, and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Unless it’s time, right?” Obi asks wryly. “That’s straight out.”

Izana’s mouth stretches into the barest grin. “The internet is instant, I’m afraid. You have to strike while the iron’s hot. I hope--” he fixes her with a meaningful look-- “we are all able to make the best of this opportunity.”

kisskissfall4luv: does ne1 no f this guy is gonna b here 4 the hole sesson? i luv Zen but i lik the nu guy 2 hes so funny!

kayla0202: I hope he is! I never thought I’d like something as much as Stand the Heat, especially a show about aliens and weird crime, but Obi and Shirayuki make me tune in every week! How long are Unsolved’s seasons again??

unsolvedjunky42: There’s only one other season, and that was 12 eps, though a lot of those were 10 minutes long, and these ones are averaging 17-20min. It looks like Obi Abayan is credited as co-host for the rest of the season: [follow link] So glad he signed on, I thought Unsolved would be dead in the water without Zen but Obi brings a whole new dynamic I didn’t ever realize the show was missing.

zenluvr999: i no were only 3 eps in but i think im gonna need a new name lmao

“Ah, I understand, but we really are looking to--” Shirayuki clenches her stress artichoke, its plush petals ballooning out from between her fingers, and stifles a sigh. “Yeah, I see. Thank you.”

The call cuts off with a beep, too cheerful a sound for its finality. Another opportunity lost. Shirayuki spills over her keyboard, groan lost beneath the function keys.

“Going that well, huh?” Kihal barely spares her a glance, but she does pull aside a headphone; the way editors show they care. “Tell me again how much you love this job.”

“I do love it,” she insists, muffled by the cool metal of her desk. “It’s just...so much work.”

“You know, we could just get that personal assistant.” Higata drops his headphones around his neck, settling back in his chair. It creaks beneath him, protesting his slouch. “I still can’t believe you said no to that.”

“We don’t need another team member.” Shirayuki lifts her head, just barely, to give him a warning glance. “We already have Kihal. That’s more than enough.”

“Really? We still have half a season left to edit, you have another season to write, and you want to tell me we couldn’t use another set of hands?” His eyebrow twitches up toward his hairline. “You just love making all those phone calls, huh?”

“It’s not that.” She rolls back, lifting herself upright. Her spine reminds her sharply that it doesn’t like doing that, that it was having a fine time as she was, but if there’s one thing Shirayuki knows how to ignore by now, it’s a complainer. “Unsolved was my idea to begin with, and if we can’t do the proposal we submitted last week, it should be me who’s to blame for it, not some poor intern.”

“She’s so cute,” Kihal coos across the cluster. “She’s got morals and everything.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Higata deadpans. “Didn’t you unionize the Yuris office?”

Her teeth flash predator white between the crimson stain of her lips. “Why do you think I volunteered to work this gig?”

He sighs, long-suffering. “See, this is the problem: the both of you like working too much. It’s getting in the way of having someone fetch my coffee for me.”

Shirayuki levels her best glare at him, the one she’s honed from one too many long nights in the editing bay. “If we had a PA, their job would not be to get you coffee.”

“If we had a PA, their job would be to make these stupid phone calls so Shirayuki can get actual work done,” Kihal informs him with a playful superiority than makes his eyes roll. “Instead of spending all day in a fugue of sadness and misery because no one will take her seriously.”

Shirayuki almost protests—there’s no fugue, and if anything, the rejections just make her more desperate and determined, but—

Her list of high-profile options has been reduced by a half, red lines spiking through some of her best hits with no relief in sight. She is about two seconds from eating her feelings through the oversized cinnamon buns in the company vending machine, and a fugue state is starting to sound like a preferable way to spend her afternoon.

“Ugh,” she decides, and lays down again.

“There, there,” Kihal croons, patting her back across their desks. “Someone will have to give you the time of day at some point.”

“I’m getting calls back.” She rolls over onto one cheek, thoughtful. “People are fans of the show! They just...don’t think we’re serious.”

Kihal scoffs. “About what? Aliens? Ghosts? I’ve been fielding queries all morning from Shuuka asking which direction we want to go for The Alexandria episode.”

“It’s the whole ghost hunting angle.” Higata leans over, liberating her artichoke from her grip, tossing it between his hands. “If I want to be fair, which I don’t, but here we are—it’s a new direction for the show. I guess it could be confusing to people used to our format.”

“I know, I know.” She pillows her chin with her hands, letting out a sigh. “I just wish one of them would give us a confirmation instead of—“ she waves her hand at her empty schedule—“all this.”

“They will.” She doesn’t know where Higata unearths all this unearned confidence, but she’s glad one of them has. “Let this season run its course. Zen was never big on the supernatural episodes, but these ones with Obi...people are definitely going to pay attention.”

He wouldn’t be saying that if he had to suggest waiting to Izana Wisteria. “They’re already paying attention to Obi. I’m always getting asked if--”

“If I’m as handsome as I look on screen?”

The thing is-- she’s not expecting it. One minute she’s sprawled across her desk, and the next Obi’s purr is tickling her ear, and--

“Ow, fff--” his gaze darts over where he clenches his nose-- “fudge. Sicles.”

“Nice save,” Kihal deadpans. “Now if only you could do that in the first minute of every video.”

“What can I say,” he honks, rubbing his nose. “I’m an off-the-cuff kind of guy.”

“You’re a ‘ruining our monetization’ kind of guy,” she shoots back, though she pushes over an abandoned chair for him to sit on.

“Oh, Obi!” Shirayuki yelps, hands hovering on either side of his face as he sits. “I’m so sorry! I was just--”

“Surprised, yeah, got that part.” he lifts his fingers, wobbling the bridge of his nose. “No harm done.”

“Good thing,” Higata mutters, “that face gets views.”

“Oh please.” Obi grins, devastating as always. “Chicks love a broken nose.”

Kihal barks out a laugh. “When it comes to you, chicks love breathing.”

He shrugs, sliding into a slouch. “Still no luck, I’m guessing?”

“None,” Shirayuki confirms. “Though people have been saying they enjoy the new season.”

“The concierge at the Roosevelt says you’re a lot cuter than Zen,” Kihal offers, needlessly.

Obi’s grin widens, wolfish. “You don’t say.”

“Maybe you should start using that Abayan charm to get us some bookings,” Kihal suggests wryly. “Earn your keep around here.”

“Please, I earn my keep. I’m the eye candy.” He winks. “Besides, I’d be happy to, but the big boss over here always tells me--”

“You don’t need to worry about it,” Shirayuki says, “it’s really my job--”

Higata waves a hand, long suffering. “You see the problem.”

“I do.” Kihal settles back. “Well, if you really just need a place...”

“I’ll take anything at this point,” she says to the particleboard of the ceiling. “Even if it’s just a haunted hole in the ground.”

“All right, well--” Kihal grins, sheepish-- “my condo is haunted.”

[Obi] So you’re telling me that this is just some crazy lady’s house, filled with all her stuff?

[Shirayuki] Isabella Stewart Gardner was a socialite and a philanthropist, *not* a crazy lady.

[Obi] Right, okay, but...she did turn her house into a museum, and then made everyone promise not to touch it. Not exactly what I think of when someone says ‘stable.’

[Shirayuki] Because she *curated* it, Obi!

[Obi] So what you’re telling me is that she knew that from forever to the end of time, she would have better taste than everyone else on the planet.

[Shirayuki] *sputtering* W-well--

[Obi] No, no, you’re right. I retract the crazy lady thing. Because that’s *baller*.

[Shirayuki] *laughs* O-obi!

[Obi] I want to be that lady. Like that is shade from the grave.

[Shirayuki] . . . . She also was personally friends with Monet.

[Obi] SEE? Life goals.

“So,” Obi hums from around a dumpling, his chopsticks already rooting for another, “what do you think?”

Shirayuki looks up, halfway through a very un-dainty bite of her own. “About--? Oh! I can’t believe they’re only fifty cents each! Where did you find this place?”

Despite his reputation on camera-- forward-facing, casual, intimate-- Obi isn’t someone who looks at people head-on. She’ll catch a glance sometimes, or maybe a considering look from the corner of his eyes, but for the most part, he’s always moving, eyes darting around to watch who filters into a room, or at the cars moving outside, or staring down the squirrel that likes to scratch at their window.

So when he looks at her, gold eyes trapping her as thoroughly as amber, she notices.

“Well,” he says after a long moment, “when you run a food show, people do give you some hot tips. But, ah--” he rubs at the back of his head, ears pink at the tips-- “that wasn’t really what I, ah, meant.”

Her mouth rounds. “Oh.”

His hands raise, chopsticks knitted under his knuckles. “Though I’m glad you like it! It’s, ah, one of my favorite places too. I just thought that you might have some, er--” he grimaces-- “thoughts, about the whole haunted condo thing.”

“Oh! That.” She taps her chopsticks on her plate, trying to gather her thoughts. “I just think...I don’t know. It’s not a bad place to start, but I just wanted...”

She blows out her cheeks on a sigh. “The ghost hunting is a new aspect of the show, and I wanted us to come out strong with an actual location...”

His mouth curls at a corner, too knowing. “And having us just carry around proton packs and talk about cold spots in a friend’s house isn’t really going to do much for our supernatural cred?”

“Yeah.” She slumps against the chair, defeat. “That. But I also feel like beggars can’t be choosers, and no one else is telling us yes, so...”

He nods, mouth pressed into a thoughtful line. “So there’s no rush to say no.”

“Right, yeah.” She glances at him from the corners of her eyes. “How about you?”

Obi blinks, eyes fluttering wide. “Me? This isn’t really my--” he hesitates, mouth working, starting a half dozen words-- “ah, I mean, I think...it’s smart. You’re right, a bigger place will give us more credit, but if one doesn’t come through then we have to start somewhere. Besides,” his mouth tics at a corner, twitching toward a smirk-- “I’ve always wondered whether she’s bikini or boyshorts.”

It’s only when her chin hits her chest that she realizes her jaw has dropped. “We’re not there to look in her underwear drawer!”

“Well, we’re not at work for her to look in my gym bag either,” he replies, sour, “but she did anyway.”

“She already said that was an accident--”

“--a likely story--”

“--That’s not what I meant anyway,” she admits with a huff. “I wanted to know if you were okay with the whole, ah...” her shoulders round, shy-- “metrics thing.”

“Metrics?” His head cocks, quizzical, but then-- “you mean, the stuff Izana showed us weeks ago?”

“Two weeks ago,” she corrects, heat flaring on her cheeks, “and, um, yes. I just...you’re not mad?”

Obi stares. “About what?”

“Unsolved.”

He shakes his head. “You’re...really going to have to be more specific than that.”

“The ratings.” She pokes at a dumpling, miserable. “Stand the Heat-- that’s your baby isn’t it? You pitched it and everything.”

“I...did?” he says, brow furrowed. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s just-- Unsolved is doing better.” It’s not bragging, she knows that, but it feels like it. “And it’s-- it’s okay if you’re, um, upset about it. You’ve been doing this for--”

“OH.” Obi coughs, suddenly looking anywhere but at their table. “No, I really-- you don’t need to worry about that. At all. Please.”

She stares. “Obi, it’s okay. I’m not going to take it personally if you--”

“Kid, please,” he begs, holding up his hands. “It’s nothing. I mean, yeah, if Stand the Heat was on top, I’d be happy. I mean, I was happy when it was on top. But, this is...” his fingers twirl his chopstick mindlessly-- “this is good, too.”

“But--”

“Listen, I know you may find this hard to believe, especially with how we, uh, met, but I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a huge fan of the show. Not even a little. Understated it, in fact.” The tips of his ears flush. “So, uh, it’s kind of cool that I joined my favorite show, and now it’s super popular. That’s sort of the whole fanboy dream, right?”

“O-oh!” She stares down at her hands, willing them to stop trembling. “I, uh...I didn’t...I didn’t really think of it like that.”

“Yeah, well, now you know you don’t have to worry about it,” he says with a laugh. “I’m living the dream here. Not only am I on the show, but I’m more popular than the last guy. And I get to take the cute host out to lunch and call it business. The only square I need to finish fanboy bingo is getting to ki--”

His teeth snap down, so loud she hears the click. “Haah, never mind. Hey look, is that the waiter? Could we, ah, get the check?”

[Sender]: [email protected] [Recipients]: [email protected] [Subject]: Season 3 Hard Proposal

Is there any reason this isn’t in my inbox already?

Shirayuki closes her inbox with a grimace. “Ah, hey, Kihal?”

Her editor looks up, brows raised. “Yeah?”

She licks her lips, bracing herself. “Just...how haunted do you think your condo is?”

#obiyuki #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #my fic #ans #buzzfeed unsolved AU #ghost hunting got pushed back for FREESTYLE FLIRTING #so i'm sure none of you will complain #but also I had lots of thinky thoughts about how i didn't want to push aside the show aspect to do just the romance #since the manga focuses hardcore on her career #listen guys the second chapter of fics is always the hardest because then you're thinking of TONE and OTHER STRUCTURE THINGS #esp since i wasn't sure if i would expand this beyond a one shot #so i had to decided if this was gonna be straight up rom com business #or whether i wanted to be shirayuki making this show work as it sort of grows beyond the two pony operation she had before #and also here is her hot co-host she keeps accidentally flirting with oh no #obviously i'm going the second route here #so ENJOY

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imaginarycircus · 5 years ago

Text

Today is my birthday and all well wishes are giddily accepted. I’m going to level with you. I’ve felt disappointed in myself lately more and more. For the last few years I’ve been increasingly selfconscious and kind of embarrassed about my age, my appearance, and my lack of success for a given value of success. Like I’m an old washing machine that needs to be taken out back and disassembled for parts or used as a fire pit. The worst part is that I knew I was selling myself a bill of goods and I couldn’t stop.

This is venting. I’d love it if you have time and energy to listen, but please don’t give me advice. If you want to share your experiences or feelings that is cool. I’d love to hear about you. I’m sorry this is like a 3 TED talk series, but you do not have to read it and I don’t expect anyone to do so.

If a friend told me they felt like this I’d theoretically grab their face in both hands and look into their eyes and say, “You precious, wonderful, jar of dumbass jam.”

“You have a messy life and stuff that gets in the way and maybe you’re not always doing your best, but you try to and you’re nice to animals and you sure do cry about them a lot. This writing deal is hard. You started 17 years ago, which was a bit late, and you’ve worked really hard. Despite every rejection, you have not stopped. Do you realize how much better you’ve become than you were? Sure. You’ve had some bad luck. Everyone has, but yours is yours. It sucks, but don’t let it define you. Oh. You already let it define you. Past-you is gone and now-you can stop doing that.

You got the MFA. You wrote a novel and your agent couldn’t sell it, but you did it. And you got an agent, which is pretty good. You did well in that Penguin contest. You didn’t win, but top 50 out of 5,000 isn’t too bad. You created two scripted series and wrote the first season of one of them 2-3 times and planned the other in exquisite detail. It’s in development hell and I know you’re tired and you’ve kind of given up hope, but the people negotiating stuff believe in your work (also @kyrieanne‘s work.) You’ve written a lot. You’re writing a novel right now and your agent is on board. Plus you’re still riding around on this planet. There were times you wanted to get off the ride, but you didn’t.

No one else but you swims in the alchemical product of your past, your traumas, your joys, your education, your hard work, your chronic health issues, and your many mistakes. Own it and fucking walk up the chest of anyone who says you’re not good enough. Yeah. You got walk up your own chest now, buddy. Take some advil. I love you. Take out the trash. And remember you had three separate cancer scares this year. Two surgeries. Two biopsies, one of them a total nightmare, and you were bleeding so much because of that uterine polyp you had no iron for carrying oxygen to your bits and bobs or your brainbox. Take a breath. Take a shower. Drink water. Go out this evening and eat a warm buttered lobster roll and drink some good wine and realize how fucking lucky you are to be able to do that. I love you, you beautiful, dumbass jar of jam.”

But my inner convo has been like, “Dude. Honey. Me. Plz stop. Comparisons are odious. Yes, we like John Donne. No, we do not usually think about ourselves in the third person, but for this exercise it makes sense that even when I am talking to myself I may be talking to another part of myself I’m so at odds with they seem like a different person. We contain multitudes! We also have the adhd and what were we talking about? Oh, yes. We think we’re old and a failure. We’ve bought into it so hard that it keeps us up at night and stalks us during the day. If it walks like a failure duck and talks like a failure duck...

Okay. The WE thing has to stop. Switching to 2nd person, extremely goddamn familiar.

You’re 48 (49 today) and everyone around you is seems so accomplished and has racked up cool resume worthy successes, which you learn about on that bastion or truth and moral rectitude--the twitter. They ARE things. While you? Are nothing in particular. Mostly a lot of “does not live up to potential.” And what the fuck have you done? 3k NY Times crossword puzzles? You haven’t published anything and maybe that’s because you’re not a very good writer. You’ve written a lot of shit in the last two decades, but where has it gotten you? Maybe you’re a dilettante with no substance. You can’t prove you aren’t.

People 20 years younger have accomplished so much more. Now you’re old and annoying and occasionally confused by the youths and their slang. You’re still never sure of the nuance of bougie because it seems to be used in so many different ways. You got cagey about telling anyone your age bc the number sounds alarming. You know you’re buying into a bullshit patriarchal system that devalues people further if they’re no longer baby factories.

And there was that bullshit when some partially baked people told adults to get out of fandom and you kind of said fuck that noise gently with a chainsaw, but you also felt bad. Like an old cranky dude in a ratty old bathrobe who pours beer on his generic cheerios (tragically called rings’o’oats) and shovels them into his mouth thinking about how he could have BEEN someone, but was struck down by tragedy, or an ego so fragile a light breeze destroyed it. Who refuses to teach a young whipper snapper the ancient art of smacking an object from one place to another bc he’s golluming over his manpain. An off-brand Obi Wan who must be harassed to rejoin the human race and who starts to live again after helping some prodigy succeed. Except you? You’re in the ratty bathrobe phase, probably for eternity, and no one is coming to ask you to do anything, because you never did anything. You’re getting wrinkles and you feel invisible a lot of the time in a way that makes you want to set things on fire bc you’re a middle aged lady, who is not particularly pretty, accomplished, or a mom so wtf are you? And you know that’s a world of absolute bullshit, but you’re soaking it like it’s the world’s biggest tub of Palmolive and you don’t remember getting into it. You know what would make you feel better and give you an ersatz sense of accomplishment?”

And then I do another crossword puzzle. I went back into therapy with someone who specializes in adhd. It’s helping. I haven’t been around here much bc... welp. You’re reading this. I didn’t want to be No Face in Spirited Away vomiting all this trash on you, especially because I know it’s the most womp womp, irritating, middle aged white lady thinks her life is hard and must tell you about it at great length. But then I remember my shitty feelings are valid and I do not ever expect anyone to read this so I can put here if it helps me.

I will be fine. These are human shaped problems. But if you’ve read this nonsense and thought about it, giggled at it, or wondered if you should call someone like I’m a cat stuck in a tree who did not know fully comprehend the consequences of her actions? Thank you. I appreciate you. As always I hope a dog looks at you and wants to be your friend, or a cat walks on your hair because it loves you. (It should go without saying, but feel free to substitute any animal or item into my well wishes as per your requirements.) If you need an excuse to eat cake today--I have decreed that you must do this in my honor. But only if you feel like it and you can eat cake. Also the cake can be made of anything. The cake could be avocados or mathematical. Use your imagination.

To wit; I am 49 fucking years old today. I’m owning it. I’m owning every wrinkle and sun spot. (I started using a serum to deal with sun damage and it seems to work. People told me to wear sunscreen, but I did not.) I’m owning my own failures (and sun damage). I’m learning to own my successes too, especially the ones that don’t make sense to other people without a power point presentation, a Q&A, and a ritual burning of certain artifacts.

Here’s what I’ve done with my life. I’ve lived it.

#personal #food cw #blithering about my own nonsense #I'm Stuart Smalley #It's 17 degrees for the 17th?#I apologize for my needlessly Baroque prose #mental health #I never thought I'd be middle aged because it's a state of mind #Now I realize it's the physical equivalent of being a 1985 Honda with 150k miles on it

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mascaratearsnlipsticksmears · 4 years ago

Text

1..Who was the last person you held hands with? Probably My son

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy until I’m

Comfortable

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My surgeon

4. Are you easy to get along with? I try to Be. Don’t give me a reason to not Like you 😉

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Never had someone take care of me from drinking .....I’m usually taking care of everyone else

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Loyal. Chill. Down to earth .

7. Are you married? No.

8. Do you want to get married? Eventually . I do , but I need it to be for the right reason.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Makes me feel Lonely lately believe it or not.... 😔

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Steve

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Oh cool 😎”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

lil peep- star shopper

Brand new-Jesus Christ

Bebe rexha- I’m a mess

Anything Billie eillish

Doja cat -rules

Ashnikko-daisy

That’s more than 5, Idc

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Only certain people

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I don’t know anymore

15. What good thing happened this summer? Got a tan and not covid 👌🏼👌🏼

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? My little guy? I will kiss him when ever I can cause one day he’s not gonna want me to and I’ll be sad

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Absolutely

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yes

19. Do you like bubble baths? 110%

20. Do you like your neighbors? Yea

21. What are you bad habits? Overthinking, caring to much.

22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere

23. Do you have trust issues? No, people that scumbag me Normally get cut off so I only keep ppl around I trust.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Coffee & a bowl

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Uhhh everything from the chin down 😔

26. What do you do when you wake up? Set gage up for class in the living room

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?darker

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Lauren Rayza

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? They don’t get the chance, yes a few tried to contact me but my mentality is fuck them.... one even tried emailing my friends to reach me 🙄🙄🖕🏼

30. Do you ever want to get married? I do, one day. Didn’t I just answer this

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Idk I’d have to think about it

33. Spell your name with your chin. The fuck?

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Bought a bike yesterday Lol. I used to be on the swim team and I played soccer~ also took dance for 7 years.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Depends on my mood

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Absolutely.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Try to avoid them at all Costs

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? No.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Sephora Ulta Victoria secret

40. What do you want to do after high school? Lol I think that bridge has been crosses already

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Not everyone , no.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Normally bad anxiety and hurting , or extremely chill

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yea I do.... but now I forget I have a mask on and look like a retard

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Can I just going fishing ?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My son.

46. What are you paranoid about? Money

47. Have you ever been high? There’s a joint in my hand.

48. Have you ever been drunk? Who writes these things??

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Navy

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Eh wish I was still me with more $$$

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I don’t have to wish, I’m doing it.

53. Favourite makeup brand? Tarte, morphs, fenty

54. Favourite store? Didn’t I answer this?

55. Favourite blog? My own💚

56. Favourite colour? Black, Periwinkle , light lavender ,pink

57. Favourite food? Japanese

58. Last thing you ate? 8 hours slow cooked ribs

59. First thing you ate this morning? Coffee

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Probably & Idr

61. Been suspended/expelled? Started a food fight in the science lab and they suspended the wrong Angela ~Womp womp...I did get detention a lot cause my shirt was too low in the front tho.

62. Been arrested? No

63. Ever been in love? Yea I think so

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? No. ☺️

65. Are you hungry right now? I could eat.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Meh

67. Facebook or Twitter? Fb

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?yes

70. Names of your bestfriends? Stephanie Lauren Rayza Kat Christina

71. Craving something? A simple hand hold...😔.... compliment here or there . To not have to do everything myself... I crave the help I constantly ask for and never get. I crave dick, I just don’t understand this shit anymore.... damnit tumblr u struck a nerve .

72. What colour are your towels? Mixed

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?idk

75. Favourite animal? So many..... tigers maybe? & Lynx. Sharks.

76. What colour is your underwear? Not wearing any 😬

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Mint chocolate chip

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Olive green

80. What colour pants? None on.

81. Favourite tv show? In the dark

82. Favourite movie? All 50 shades.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? First one

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? How do these compare

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? The Lebanese chick

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Turtles

87. First person you talked to today? Gage

88. Last person you talked to today? Myself

89. Name a person you hate? Hate is a strong word.

90. Name a person you love? Gage

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Lol Geoff

92. In a fight with someone? No

93. How many sweatpants do you have? No idea

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Too many

95. Last movie you watched? “What if”

96. Favourite actress? Perry Mattfeld

97. Favourite actor? Hmmmm

98. Do you tan a lot?yassss

99. Have any pets? A zoo

100. How are you feeling? Confused, tired burning out ..

101. Do you type fast? I try

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes

103. Can you spell well? Eh

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Listing stuff on Etsy

109. Is something irritating you right now? No

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Absolutely

111. Do you have trust issues? No, just don’t give me a reason too.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Ohhhh I don’t cry in front of ppl,cause then there’s a witness... did cry today tho, but you couldn’t see me.

113. What was your childhood nickname? Angiefur

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?not really

116. Are you listening to music right now? No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes

119. Favourite book? Crank

120. Are you afraid of the dark?some times

121. Are you mean? Don’t cross me 😘

122. Do you believe in “the one that got away”? Yes.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? I try

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Idk

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes

126. Are you currently bored? Yes

127. What makes you happy? Attention lol romance? I think romance is dead tho...

128. Would you change your name? My last name? If I were getting married, yes

129. What your zodiac sign? Leo

130. Do you like subway? Food yes, smelly train no....

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? All my besties have vaginas, nothing to worry about.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Steve

133. Favourite lyrics right now? Brand new : Jesus Christ

134. Can you count to one million? Yea but why

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I don’t lie so I don’t have that problem

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed Cause only 1 Of my 4 asshole cats I allowed in my room

137. How tall are you? Oh how short am I? 5’1

138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde? Right now black

140. Summer or Winter?summer

141. Night or Day? Summer nights

142. Favourite month? August

143. Are you a vegetarian? Keto

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark

145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee

146. Was today a good day? I think so

147. Mars or Snickers? Dark chocolate Milky Way

148. What’s your favourite quote? I’d have to think about it

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“His thumb brushes my lower lip, and his breath hitches. He’s staring into my eyes, and I hold his anxious, burning gaze for a moment, or maybe it’s forever…but eventually, my attention is drawn to his beautiful mouth. And for the first time in twenty-one years, I want to be kissed.”

Excerpt From

Fifty Shades Trilogy Bundle: Fifty Shades of Grey; Fifty Shades Darker; Fifty Shades Freed

E L James

This material may be protected by copyright.

#Spotify

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fly-pow-bye · 5 years ago

Text

ThunderCats Roar - “Panthro Plagarized”

Co-Executive Producer: Victor Courtright

Supervising Producer: Nate Cash

Producer: Marly Halpern-Graser

Story by: Joan Ford

Teleplay by: Lesley Tsina

Directed by: Jeremy Polgar

A tale of stolen forks.

The episode starts with the ThunderCats looking impatiently at a stack of breakfast burritos spinning in the microwave, with WilyKit and WilyKat asking if they're done yet. Apparently, looking at a timer on a microwave is too much for at least the ThunderKittens and Lion-O. This feels like a similar opening to Prank Call's. However, this time they show the breakfast burritos right at the beginning, so there really isn't a joke here besides them taking this much too seriously.

Eventually, the burritos are done, but, uh oh, when you take a burrito right out of the microwave without letting it cool, it's too hot to handle! All four of them struggle with this factoid as if they were in that part of the infomercial where the family struggles without the brand new and useful product. They may as well have put this scene in black and white, but instead, it's just color with generic one color backgrounds. Cheetara eventually sprays the others with juice to cool them down, that action not ruining the burritos because pineapples.

What can the ThunderCats possibly do with this problem without scalding their hands in the name of breakfast? Could they just wait for the burrito to cool down? Could they just use a paper towel or a fork?

They do use a fork, but not just any fork. Panthro happens to have that brand new and useful product that solves the ThunderCats' burrito problems. That might not be the best term for that, but I am keeping it anyway. It's the Gravity Fork(TM); it allows someone to pick up a hot breakfast burrito without burning their hands. One can do that with a regular fork, but this one makes the burrito float. I can also assume it makes the burrito safe to eat, since I would imagine being able to burn one's hands and being able to burn one's esophagus isn't mutually exclusive.

They all heavily praise Panthro for his amazing invention, and he tells them it's no problem, because he always plays it cool. Lion-O even gets to tell Panthro he saved breakfast, including him walking to a title card that says "Breakfast Open". That could only mean Panthro is going to lose his cool, and that Breakfast will eventually be closed. Otherwise, that title card would be completely pointless.

Missing from the table is Tygra, who barges in the door and asks if anyone wants to go jogging across Third Earth with him. He was apparently just as interested in the burritos as the rest of them are with his jogging offer, as the ThunderCats only nuked 5 of them. Either didn't want the breakfast burritos, which makes more sense, they only had 5 of them, which will be disproven later, or they decided Tygra wasn't important enough to include in their breakfast plans, which is my guess considering what happens next.

As they eat their burritos, Tygra ends up getting beaten up by someone outside. While Lion-O gets out of his seat and calls for the ThunderCats to help Tygra, the rest of them just say "okay, we'll do it" in a way like, as if saving one of their teammates was just like having to pick up their toys. Yeah, it's just one of the ThunderCats getting beaten up, it's not nearly as pressing as that too-hot burrito problem. At least Lion-O seems to care, though it is odd that he's relatively the voice of reason here. He’s supposed to be the Baby King, but it seems like we're just seeing the Baby Jester's Court here.

That someone turns out to be Vultureman, appearing by himself for the first time. Here, he's using his brand new and completely original Gravity Pincer(TM)! With this amazing new weapon, he can pick up cat-like superheroes without any risk of getting pummeled by a bola whip!

Panthro: Vultureman, this is low, even for you!

Lion-O: Yeah, just because Tygra likes jogging doesn't mean he deserves to get beaten up!

Of course, that's not what Panthro was talking about, because nobody cares about Meg Griffin Tygra. Instead, Vultureman's big crime is that he plagiarized Panthro's idea. At least Cheetara seems to come to her senses in this scene, as she's the one who points out they should be focused on saving Tygra. They rush in, and...

...Pincer Crush, ThunderCats Down, womp womp. Unlike a certain other rebooted superhero group, at least it looks like they kind of tried. Even WilyKit had the idea to come up from behind and throw a smoke bomb, but Vultureman's Gravity Pincer was just too strong. It was so strong, it's even able to crush that puny Gravity Fork, which falls right out of Panthro's pockets when he gets crushed by a door. Carrying eating utensils when going outside is normal, apparently. Victorious, Vultureman flies away using his completely original idea.

Panthro: I can't believe it!

Lion-O: Don't worry Panthro, we'll find a way to stop him!

Yes, they just repeated the joke twice in less than a minute. Of course, Panthro's still upset about the plagiarism. However, there is one thing to ponder: Panthro just invented the Gravity Fork, how did Vultureman come up with such a similar idea? He is supposed to be the genius of the Mutants of Plun-Darr, but there’s clearly much more to this story than a mere coincidence.

Panthro flashes back without terrifying the other ThunderCats with the swishing, and we see that he drew up the blueprint for the Gravity Fork, calling it perfect. He then decided to throw that perfect idea in the garbage, because he wants his ideas to be better than perfect. He ends up making that gravity fork anyway, so I can't see how this makes any sense. Did he make an identical blueprint that's slightly better drawn, making it a marvelous blueprint?

After throwing it away, Vultureman pops out of the garbage and plunders the idea. I'm surprised they didn't go with that; he is a Mutant of Plun-Darr, after all. I'm assuming he's thinking about how Vultureman would have stolen the idea and him just dumpster diving it is not literally what happened, but I can see this silly show's version of Vultureman really thinking putting on that little mask is going to fool anyone.

As Panthro tells himself he shouldn't throw away his ideas, Tygra, who is totally fine after his thrashing, points out that Vultureman is invading the Berbil Village, using the totally cool and much better than any fork Gravity Pincer to destroy the village using the Ro-Bear Berbils. Of course, those Berbils don't seem to mind, because, as shown in this series' first episode, they seemed to have no problem getting repeatedly electrocuted for saying Mumm-Ra. Even the ThunderCats themselves can't help but call Vultureman's new weapon cool, not entirely seeing it as a plagiarized weapon.

Them repeatedly calling the Gravity Pincer so cool even when it's used for evil is certainly taking a toll on Panthro's coolness with the situation. He's less concerned about saving the village than he is about showing that he could make a far better gravity weapon than Vultureman could. He even says that if he wanted to, his version of the Gravity Pincers could launch a Ro-Bear Berbil right into the sun, making that ridiculous expression above. At least that expression has more than two frames of animation.

To help these Berbils, Panthro goes to his room to make something that can disable the Gravity Pincer. After a few minutes, in which Vultureman forces the Berbils to begin building a monument to himself, Panthro comes out with some altered Fighting Sticks that can transform to...

...his brand new Gravity Claws! They're so powerful, they can lift the entire refrigerator and crush it without Panthro needing to use any kind of super strength. This is actually a bit of progression with this plot: this started with Panthro helping out with breakfast, and now Panthro, in his hubris, has completely ruined breakfast by breaking their cooling device. Lion-O exclaims that Panthro killed breakfast, and he has to unhook that "Breakfast Open" title card. I told ya!

They go out in the ThunderTank, as the Paw Garage Door opens...only for the ThunderTank to go out of the Cat's Head's mouth, completely negating any purpose for the garage door opening. Can a joke be so silly, it's awesome?

It's also night time now, even though it was all bright skies just a scene ago. There was no indication that him inventing those claws took hours. A day-to-night transition would have really helped here. They make it to the Berbil Village, which had already been ramsacked, and Panthro takes to take Vultureman on himself. He really wants Vultureman to admit his transgression, after all!

Not only does he not admit his transgression, his giant monument, the one that was mentioned but not seen earlier, commemorates that he invented the Gravity Pincer. This shows that he does share Panthro's pride of inventing things, even if he didn't entirely invent them from scratch. This does make Panthro look a little less ridiculous. Emphasis on "little".

Using one of the Ro-Bear Berbils, he even decides to put a giant TM right next to the name, because, in his words, he wants to prevent his ideas from getting stolen by copycats like him. That's a double insult; it's a lie and it's a pun on his race!

If Roar can give us nothing else, at least they can give us a decent fight scene, as Panthro's Gravity Claws are matched up with Vultureman's Totally Original Gravity Pincer. No, really, I really like this fight scene: it shows. In fact, they seem to be evenly matched, with even WilyKit remarking:

WilyKat: I can't tell who's winning.

It's fine; not every battle needs to be one-sided, especially not like the Vultureman battle in the beginning. One of the shots even has him snap his fingers to turn the rock shards into pebbles. Yeah, Panthro's essentially has the Infinity Gauntlet, except it only has powers on space and there's two of them.

Just as soon as it looks like Panthro's getting the win, the Pincers start to work again, moving a giant ball of lava. He then uses the nearby lake to cool that molten rock into a regular but still really, really hot rock. He splits that rock in half, and decides to do the same to the pincer after Vultureman calls it an amateur move. I almost thought he said, "dammit, you", but that's what he actually said. The fight is over!

Except it isn't, as Panthro still wants Vultureman to admit that he stole nifty lifting things, so he would get nothing. He lost, good day sir! However, Vultureman just doesn't want to admit it, so Panthro does what any inventor who hasn't completely lost his cool would do...

Panthro: Oh yeah? Let's see what the moon thinks about that!

This is shown to alter the gravity of Third Earth, as the Ro-Bear Berbils, the ThunderCats, a nearby waterfall, and even a mountain starts to float in the air. I'll admit; this part is actually pretty well animated, too. I guess that's why they weren't drawing backgrounds in that "too hot burrito problem" scene; they were saving money for this.

Vultureman, and the rest of the ThunderCats for that matter, tells him to stop, but Panthro says that he can't. Vultureman starts to cry at this, drawn as ridiculously as possible with him sobbing waterfalls, saying it wasn't worth the possible destruction of Third Earth just to steal Panthro's ideas. He finally gives Panthro an apology, knowing his and Third Earth's life will probably end about ten seconds later.

And, in ten seconds, he just easily puts the moon back in orbit, revealing that he was just lying about not being able to reverse his big mistake. The mountain and all the Ro-Bears fall down too, and the latter are still smiling even if Panthro was destroying Third Earth just to get an apology. They never seem to care about anything, really; they care about as much about what's going on around them as the ThunderCats seemed to care when Tygra was in danger.

There's another The End title card, or just END in this case, coming after Panthro didn't get any flack for his actions whatsoever and him learning absolutely nothing. Sure, he almost destroyed the planet, but at least he didn't steal anything!

How does it stack up?

We get another neat fight scene with two people who can alter gravity with some pretty cool and decently animated scenes. Even with some of the more silly bits, like the entire opening where everyone except for Panthro has forgotten how to enjoy microwavable food, the plot that surrounds it isn't that bad either.

I'm not going to dock this episode for being over-the-top, as that's kind of the entire point of this episode: Panthro taking things way too far over something so minor, and at least Lion-O seemed to be aware of this at some point. There's no real progression with that, from beginning to end, Panthro's totally cool with everything he did. The best I can say for this episode is that it's like Boggy Ben, but it's not as irritating as Boggy Ben. 3 cats.

Next, the Warrior Maidens arrive, and they sure aren't going to knock on the door first.

← Secret of the Unicorn 🐈 Warrior Maiden Invasion →

#fpb tcr #thundercats roar #fpb reviews #cartoon network

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paranoiaparksandrec · 5 years ago

Note

Cartman headcanons 👀

oh boy anon, youve opened the floodgate. he's my favorite character. prepare for long post, im on mobile so i cant do readmore. the only other character that might have this much info is tweek.

!!! WARNING, SENSITIVE CONTENT !!!

Height: 5'10"

Eyes: Left Blue, right Almost-Black Brown

Gender: Cis Male

Orientation: Gay

Build: Still fattish but grew up and not out. (S06E16)

==Disorders:===

Very Mild Schizophrenia (See: CupidMe), Dangerous Psychopath, ASPD

==Health Issues:==

Hypermobility in all joints, Insomnia

===Personality:===

Eric is full blown Chaotic Evil. He will go out of his way to hurt people for his own sick satisfaction. He's a sadist, and a psychopath. He's upped his "terrible person" status from when he was young, though he has learned to shut his mouth when acting good would help him more easily get his way. He plays nice a lot of the time. If you cross him, watch out, he's just as brutal as ever in his vengeance plans.

Eric has a hard time grasping other people's emotions, but is good at acting and pretending to experience empathy from years of practice and observation. He has no morals or conscience, always only looking to what benefits himself. Do not show weakness if you're not one of his friends/family. They and his cats are the only things he seems to actually care about.

===History of Sexual Abuse and Views on Sex:===

Eric has a very large history of sexual abuse and due to his experiences he views sex less as an act of intimacy and more one of humiliation for the receiving party. He will consent to sexual acts, but he actively refuses to be dominated and often will fall into his pattern of being vicious and taunting when allowed to dominate. He views oral sex especially as degrading and humiliating for the giving party and essentially as an act of power from the receiving party. He would have to be very, very close to someone and trust them completely to do anything he views as degrading for them.

===History:===

Eric stayed on generally the same path through middle and high school as he did in elementary school. His mom coddles and enables his behavior. He's pretty smart, but doesn't use it on school as much as things that actually matter to him personally. He's primarily used his expertise in cheating to get through his classes. He was offered AP classes but rapidly turned them down on the grounds that he didn't want to deal with more work than he has to. He tried joining the school paper but got kicked off for speaking his mind....way too much. He did play football throughout high school, often winning games by getting the other team to foul out for trying to deck him.

His mother married Clyde's father in the boys's Sophomore year of High School, dragging Eric out of his childhood home and into the Donovan's. He was really pissed about that for a good while, and kept the old Cartman house on the market by constantly fucking over or traumatizing anyone that tried to buy it. He and Clyde butted heads a lot first, but eventually learned to tolerate and maybe even like each other.

===Family:===

Clyde Donovan: Step-Brother. Eric thinks he's a dumbass, but he got attached after their parents got married- even though you'd be hard pressed to get him to admit it. Eric's loyal, and that means he'll fuck you up if you mess with anyone he cares about. Clyde's on that list.

Liane Donovan (Cartman): Mother. He loves his mom a lot. She's a huge enabler and lets him get away with everything even if she did some fucked up shit to him when he was really little. (S01E05)

Jack Tenorman: Father. Patricide. Eric knows pretty much nothing about him aside from that he was a ginger and a Denver Bronco and he's perfectly content to keep it that way.

Roger Donovan: Step-Father. Eric's generally just impressed with Roger's overall existence. He was pissed at him for years for stealing his mom, and for trying to actually "dad" at him. He just kind of tolerates him for his mom and Clyde's sake. They're the only reason he hasn't taught the man a lesson for his attempts at discipline.

Other:

- Eyes are naturally almost-black brown but he had that donor-transplant from dead Kenny when he was eight so now he's got Kenny's eyes. One is Kenny's blue and the other turned back to brown after Kenny revived for some reason?? He can still see fine out of both. Odd. (S03E03)

- Due to having Kenny's eyes, Cartman is immune to Kenny's curse's amnesia effect. (S05E06)

- Insanely intelligent. Emphasis on insane.

- Loves literally anything with caffeine, especially tea and coffee and mountain dew.

- Openly gay. The movie Teeth was his breaking point. Came out of the closet in his junior year of high school. If you wanna really piss him off just say "Teeth". He hates it.

- Cats are his deepest weakness and pretty much one of the very few things he cares about besides himself. (S12E03)

- Still gives absolutely zero fucks about openly and publicly dressing up as a girl when a situation calls for it.

- Pretty strong when he feels like it from his football days.

- Great cook, if you want a very delicious heart-attack

- Tested out of language classes due to his self-taught fluency in Spanish and has a supernatural fluency in R'lyehian due to Cthulhu connection. He also knows conversational German, French, Dutch, and Mongolian. Currently learning Chinese and Portuguese.

- Joined band for exactly one week. Just long enough to get his mom to buy him a trombone and to learn how to do the WOMP WOMP WOOOOMP to mock people.

- Self-taught skills in playing the Pan Flute(S12E10), Piano(S07E09), Harmonica(S13E11), Violin(S08E09), Bass Drum(S21E07), and Guitar(S3E11).

-Has attained some weird religious balance between his own warped version of Catholicism and worshiping Cthulhu. (S14E12)

- Nose is a little crooked from being busted so many times (S12E09 and S19E01).

- Draws a lot and is a pretty good artist when he actually tries.

- Good at singing.

#headcanons #eric

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honeylikewords · 5 years ago

Note

Poe being the one to introduce Rey and Finn to something like chocolate, or cartoons or something.

GOSH IS THAT EVER CUTE SO HERE I GO

All three of them are having to lead such pragmatist lives, such life-or-death, survivalist lives that pleasures have been far and few between, but of them, Poe has been the one who has seen enough of the galaxy and lived in peace long enough to be familiar with friendlier, happier things.

So I like to imagine them sitting in the Falcon, around that goofy chessboard table, as Poe unpacks a bag and sets several bars of chocolate down in front of them. He lets them pick them up and inspect them, Finn reading the wrapper and Rey picking at the foil to see what’s inside, always so curious.

Neither of them have ever really had sweets, given that Rey was living on starvation portions for her entire life and Finn was on a strict trooper diet, which meant absolutely no frills or sweets. But Poe, while never having been exactly rich or spoiled, has encountered such little luxuries before, and wants to share that with his friends.

“Seriously, guys,” he laughs, watching them as they study the bars so intimately, “It’s okay. They’re for you. You can eat ‘em. And there’s plenty more of them, so don’t worry about rationing every last scrap. Just enjoy it.”

Rey grins wide, nodding appreciatively as she breaks off a small chunk of the bar. Finn hesitates a little, leaning over to Poe.

“Do you want me to pay you back for them?”

“No, man. They’re a gift. I can afford it. They’re, like, only a couple credits on this planet. You’re fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Finn is always a little bit of a gift-horse-mouth-looker, if only in the sense that he’s never received a gift horse without it being some kind of trap. Poe pats his shoulder affectionately and gives him a warm, reassuring smile.

“Finn. Buddy. My guy. I want you to have them. When you care about someone, you want to make sure they feel good, right?”

Finn nods, a serious, thoughtful look on his sweet face.

“So, giving them a gift they’d like would make them feel good, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Ergo, me giving you this is a way for me to make sure you feel good and that I’m doing my part as someone who cares about you. So go ahead, buddy. Just try it. And if you don’t like it, Rey can finish it for you, right?”

Rey gives an excited thumbs up, beaming around her mouthful of chocolate. She’s already halfway through her bar and has scooped a handful of the bars closer to her like a pile of dragon-hoarded gold.

Relaxing a little, Finn unpeels his chocolate bar with a reverence usually reserved for the unveiling of a bride at a wedding. He’s slow and methodical, but Poe can see that held-back excitement glimmering just under the controlled surface Finn is putting up. Finn glances over and meets Poe’s gaze, and Poe rolls his eyes with a smile, giving Finn permission to rip off the rest of the packaging and bite into the bar enthusiastically.

Both Finn and Rey don’t speak for the next few moments as they just devour the chocolate, grinning at one another and exchanging bites of bars with different flavors or pieces of fruit in them, sharing with the giddiness of children.

Once they seem comfortable with the indulgence, Poe takes a bar of his own out and wanders over to a panel of nearby screens in the Falcon’s lounge area, tapping through some menus and finding a few files that match what he’s looking for. He programs the files to project through the holo system of the chessboard, and looks over to see a cartoon show pop up on the table where normally the projected chess pieces would go.

Finn and Rey watch the shapes move with confusion. Those don’t look like normal holo projections; they’re not even real people or creatures! They’re so… colorful. And they move weirdly, so fluidly and rubber-like. Finn squints, and Rey passes her hand through the projection, as if trying to compare her own realistic body to the unrealistic images before her.

“This,” Poe says, pointing his half-eaten chocolate bar at the projections on the table, “Is entertainment.”

“Like at the casino?,” Finn asks.

“Uh, not really,” Poe replies. “That’s a different kind of entertainment. This is kinda like drawings that people put together to so that they seem like they’re moving. The goal is to make something that people like watching, that tells a story, and is usually just about having fun. These are normally for kids, but lots of adult people– like yours truly– have fun watching them, too. It’s like a play, but if all the actors were drawings instead of real actors. Get it?”

Finn and Rey both nod half-heartedly, more interested in watching this strange bipedal cat chase around what seems like a bipedal womp-rat, wielding a giant hammer. When the cat smashes the hammer down on the womp-rat, Rey and Finn both jump in shock, and when the womp-rat survives and then grabs the hammer and chases the cat, they laugh confusedly, but keep watching nevertheless.

It takes a good few episodes for them to adjust to the concept of the cartoons, but they come around, and soon enough all three of them sit around the table eating their chocolate and watching episodes of “Bom And Therry”, the aforementioned cat and womp-rat show. Rey and Finn both like Therry, the womp-rat, more than Bom, the cat, since Therry is the scrappy, rambunctious underdog of the stories. Also, it is very funny to watch a womp-rat tie the cat’s tail around a thermal detonator, in their opinions.

From there, Poe shows them other cartoons, and they find that they really like them. They’re simple and silly and relaxing, and all three of them have good laughs watching the goofiness unfold.

When Poe looks over at his friends and sees them smiling, so at ease for the first time in so long, he feels proud to have been able to bring such joy to people he loves so much. They deserve it.

#messages #finn #fn2187 #rey #poe dameron #sorry i had to combine star wars and real life dgkdhgk #bom and therry dfdakrrhk??? WHOMST>??

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love-takes-work · 7 years ago

Text

Steven Universe Podcast: Volume 2, Episode 2: Amethyst

A new season of the Steven Universe Podcast launched January 25, 2018, and here is a recap of episode 2, released February 1, 2018! The official description:

The Steven Universe Podcast is celebrating Amethyst... with creator Rebecca Sugar, former Executive Producer Ian Jones-Quartey, Michaela Dietz (who voices Amethyst), and Deedee Magno Hall (who voices Pearl). Discover what inspired Amethyst's weapon and shapeshifting abilities, some of the original design ideas for her character, why she's the one who's changed the most over the course of the series, and what Amethyst represents about Rebecca Sugar's real-life relationship with her brother, Steven. Plus, Amethyst and Pearl both join the pod to talk favorite shapeshifts, snacks, and the benefit of a good remote control!

This is very long because the podcasts are getting long, and I don't want to skimp on the detail because it's all very interesting to this wonderful group of nerds who like to read these, but I also don't want to overwhelm anyone with all the text, so I'll give you the bulleted highlights first and a more detailed narrative under the read-more.

Highlights:

Amethyst's earliest character designs, before she was "Amethyst," were in Rebecca's Lars/Sadie comics from college.

Amethyst is based physically on Rebecca's college friend Valerie.

Amethyst represents the present.

The "we kept Amethyst" joke was written BEFORE the writers themselves knew Amethyst's real origin.

Amethyst's whip is meant to be Dionysian: fluid and flexible.

Amethyst's tendency to shapeshift reflects both freedom to be whoever she wants and feeling lost and confused about who she is.

Amethyst has changed the most since the beginning of the series.

Meeting other Quartzes has allowed Amethyst to define herself with more clarity, leading her flexibility to become a choice rather than a reaction.

Smoky Quartz's yo-yo moves were real tricks derived from Rebecca's observation of a real yo-yo master.

Smoky represents a Fusion born out of two Gems at their lowest points, reminding viewers that sometimes you do need to ask for help.

Michaela's favorite Amethyst forms are the baby and Purple Puma.

Deedee thinks Pearl would shapeshift into a graceful bird if she was interested in changing form.

Zach Callison has a theory that Steven and Peridot's Fusion would be smaller than either of them, and adding Amethyst would make a tiny Shorty Squad Fusion that's also super loud.

Michaela, performing as Amethyst in the fan Q&A, says she likes her eggs whole (including carton, plus motor oil), that she has indeed posed as someone’s cat for an extended period and has laid eggs as a chicken, does not like eating overcooked remote controls, and loves most of all to shapeshift into Pearl. WOMP WOMP.

The detailed summary, including Rebecca and Ian discussing Amethyst’s origin, Deedee and Amethyst discussing voicing the characters, and fan questions answered in character . . .

Read it all below!

McKenzie opens by describing Amethyst's physical appearance and weapon of choice, then introduces Rebecca and Ian to discuss her creation.

Ian and Rebecca talk origins:

First McKenzie prompts them to talk about Amethyst's earliest concept. Ian says he remembers her as a character in the Lars/Sadie comics from Rebecca's college years. Rebecca adds that she was based on drawings she did of her friend Valerie--so she was in the comics, but she wasn't "Amethyst" yet. Rebecca had been planning to do Lars/Sadie comic strips and never actually drew a strip but she had doodles. Rebecca drew and painted her friend Valerie all the time--getting any Vidalia/Amethyst vibes here? Though Amethyst, personality-wise, is different, there's a visual resemblance. Early Amethyst concepts included a plant concept that went away (would have involved flowers in her hair and whatnot), but one aspect that remained was that Amethyst would be the short one. (Her shortness being an aspect of being defective was not initially planned; it was developed later along with the Kindergarten concepts by other Crewniverse members.)

Amethyst represents the present (an idea Angie had of past, present, and future for the Gems), and was supposed to be the one Gem who was most comfortable being an Earthling, interacting with humans, being like them, hanging out with boardies and having relationships with them that we've never seen onscreen. Pearl and Garnet purposely avoid humans, but Amethyst has that connection to humans because of her origin. Ian points out the "we kept Amethyst" joke in "Steven's Lion" was written before they even knew she was from Kindergarten; it unintentionally made sense retroactively.

They did have plans for how Garnet and Pearl fit into Rose's forces, but felt that Amethyst was added later as a wayward Gem brought into the fold. They already knew the characters' ages but later had to work out how Amethyst was included.

Amethyst represents the "irresponsible, not a great role model" part of Rebecca with regard to how she acts when she's in a comfortable mode around someone (specifically, Steven) and doesn't have to care what anyone thinks. She represents just being a kid, being immature, relaxing. (Pearl tries to act older and responsible, while Garnet is "aspirational," but Amethyst is the older sister that has permission to be childish while leveling with a younger sibling.) Ian reflects on early Amethyst concepts, how Amethyst caused the conflict in the pilot episode by giving Steven the Time Thing, and how she chased him around in "Together Breakfast," establishing that she was the one who would "mess with him." Rebecca clarifies that it's good-natured ribbing. Ian points out that OK KO has characters based on the "dumb police" drawing.

Regarding Amethyst's weapon, McKenzie asks what made them decide on a whip. Rebecca and Ian agree that the weapons were super early decisions. Initially there were influences for Pearl and Amethyst from Apollo and Dionysis (Apollonian and Dionysian elements are used frequently in literature to set up a dichotomy). The spear is Apollonian (rigid, inflexible) and the whip is Dionysian (fluid, flexible). Rebecca also mentions that Paul Villeco brought in ideas of the characters being a knight, a cowboy, and a boxer. And unlike fists or a spear, whips have multiple uses, which is flexible like Amethyst herself.

McKenzie relates this choice about her weapon to Amethyst's shapeshifting tendencies, and Ian and Rebecca agree with that too. Ian says they figured she would use shapeshifting to mess with people, do useful things, do UN-useful things, sometimes changing into things just to make jokes . . . it's all about fluidity.

Rebecca says the constant flux in Amethyst's physical form felt right from the beginning, but made even more sense as they discovered she was searching for herself. To some extent it's freeing to be able to be anything, but it also could indicate how lost she feels.

McKenzie asks them to discuss the decision to have Amethyst as the first Gem to fuse with Steven. Rebecca compares Steven and Amethyst's relationship to her own relationship with her brother, saying it's really the closest to their real sibling relationship (especially throughout that arc). Rebecca says it just made sense to her, and Ian points out that Amethyst and Steven have a similarity in that they're both a weird kind of Gem who's only known Earth. Rebecca says at this point Steven really knows everything there is to know about Amethyst, almost, while Garnet and Pearl are more guarded about the vast amount of their history he does not know. She opened up to him as early as "Tiger Millionaire," and she's changed the most from the beginning of the show. Amethyst representing the present, changing right along with Steven, makes sense, when balanced against Pearl with so much of the past she can't reveal and Garnet being ahead of everything, focused on what's going on in her own mind (which makes it hard to even talk to her).

Next, McKenzie asks them to speak to Amethyst's relationship with Rose. Ian suggests she was kind of "the Steven of the group," as we see in flashbacks--her getting them in trouble. Rebecca thinks Amethyst's fluidity was encouraged by Rose, and that she protected her from having to know troubling truths. Amethyst is basically a kid who was raised by hippies. She was sheltered from knowing the full truth of her origin and therefore she was not free to build on that aspect of her identity. Both the advantages of freedom and the disadvantages of lack of structure manifested in her. Rose didn't want Amethyst to have restrictions of the Gem society they rejected, but that meant she didn't get a chance to rebel against or choose to follow anything associated with them. Especially with regard to her relationship with the Kindergarten, they compare Amethyst to being raised with a liberal upbringing--everything is fine now, even though it's apparent that NONE of this is actually fine in the larger context. Meeting other Amethysts inspired a growth for Amethyst where she can understand where she's from and can CHOOSE the flexibility she embodies, rather than having that be a symptom of floundering. Now she's developed the freedom to define herself as the kind of Quartz she wants to be, having seen the options and what her society of origin would have wanted her to be.

Deedee and Michaela talk bringing characters to life:

McKenzie introduces Deedee Magno Hall (Pearl) and Michaela Dietz (Amethyst), and begins the discussion by bringing up Amethyst's first full-scale arc in Season 3. She asks Michaela whether it was taxing to play a character who's really hit rock bottom, and Michaela instead says she could relate to how focused Amethyst was during that time. Because Amethyst was comparing herself to Jasper and feeling inferior as she scrambled for identity, Michaela relates to that through her experience being adopted. It was a little challenging tapping into that emotion to bring that performance out, though. McKenzie relates to the whole comparing-yourself-to-others thing, and Deedee and Michaela assure her that she's doing many cool things herself.

Deedee adds that she compares herself to others sometimes too, but in her business, there's lots of competition and you just have to be okay with knowing that sometimes you'll be right for the part and sometimes you won't; just do your best. Michaela recommends trying to "break the box" instead of trying to fit in it when it comes to auditioning for roles--define yourself by what makes you stand out. Amethyst does that in the show as well.

McKenzie leads into discussing Steven's role in inspiring Amethyst to find power in her difference, and they talk about their reactions to Smoky Quartz. Michaela says her reaction was a lot like Amethyst's reaction when Garnet asks her to form Sugilite; she had no idea that was coming when she got the script.

Discussing Smoky's design and weapon, Michaela brings up that Rebecca told her about consulting with a top yo-yo performer as research for Smoky, so the moves are real. (They don’t say so in the podcast, but this was Tom Black.)

Deedee mentions having dabbled in learning yo-yo tricks and knows from experience that a yo-yo will hurt if it hits you. They return to discussing the lessons Amethyst's arc brings to viewers, and conclude that shining as an individual is one of the central messages of the show. Deedee thinks many young people are embracing individuality.

However, Michaela wants to point out that Smoky Quartz's first appearance was born out of a low point for Steven and Amethyst. They bonded over both not being good enough--being the worst. So Smoky represented them reaching for each other's help, and being willing to do that when you need to.

McKenzie brings up the fact that Amethyst shapeshifts a lot, indicating a fluid personality, but also that she has been the only Gem to fuse with all the current Crystal Gems, which Pearl and Garnet have NOT done as such. (This isn't mentioned in the podcast, but apparently McKenzie is not including Peridot here.) McKenzie asks what the voice actors think about how self-image plays into shapeshifting, considering Pearl never does it and Amethyst does it all the time. Deedee suggests Pearl keeps such things in her back pocket unless it's really needed. Michaela agrees that Pearl doesn't compromise on who she is while Amethyst is malleable. McKenzie asks for Michaela's favorite of Amethyst's shapeshifts, and she says the little baby form was fun, and then adds on that Purple Puma is another favorite. Michaela asks her co-star what Pearl would shapeshift into if she did such things. Deedee said she'd have to think about it, and they decide maybe Pearl would like being a bird. Maybe a ladybird, a dove, or a swan. McKenzie thinks maybe a flamingo.

Next, they jump into discussing Amethyst's character in the context of some of the more recent episodes, specifically "Back to the Kindergarten" where Amethyst pulls Peridot out of her funk by taking her to the Kindergarten and starting a garden there. Michaela first has to give props to Shelby Rabara's voice acting for Peridot in those episodes, and reflects that she's heard some of those same moans in real life from her. Anyway, Michaela thinks that episode shows a ton of character growth for Amethyst; in the past she wouldn't have had the emotional resources to help someone who's suffering, especially when connecting it to a place she has such a complicated relationship with, but after meeting the Amethysts from there and learning she's allowed to be proud of where she came from, she's found enough strength to know how to help ground others.

She even kept her cool mostly when Peridot lashed out, which is a reaction she wouldn't have been capable of in the past. McKenzie contrasts this with "On the Run," and Michaela says even though the Kindergarten was a source of tension between Amethyst and Pearl, it also represents where they bonded and got a new start, and Deedee suggests maybe that's part of the reason Amethyst brought Peridot there.

McKenzie's last question for them is about Fusions: wouldn't they love to see a shorty squad Fusion of all three? And of course they would. But then Michaela says Zach has a theory that a Peridot/Steven Fusion would just be even smaller, and adding Amethyst in would shrink the Fusion even further but make them LOUDER. Yes, they agree, the world needs this. (McKenzie thinks being small would help them infiltrate places.)

Amethyst and Pearl answer questions:

McKenzie: What's your favorite thing to shapeshift into?

Amethyst: My favorite thing to shapeshift into is probably . . . Pearl. WOMP WOMP.

Pearl: AMETHYST. Really.

Amethyst: Heh heh.

McKenzie: Never fails. Never gets old.

McKenzie: How did meeting the other Amethysts change your outlook and your idea of yourself?

Amethyst: Oh man! I mean, meeting the other Amethysts was amazing. And it changed my sense of self in that now I have other people who look like myself! It's crazy! And I have like, the Famethyst, and they're so funny. They're, like, pranksters just like me who like to mess with Steven. It's great.

Pearl: It's nice to have friends.

McKenzie: Have you ever posed as somebody's cat? I'm thinking, like, long-term, like sneaking into their house for like a week or something?

Amethyst: Yeah! Did you say for a week? 'Cause I did it for two weeks.

McKenzie: Did they find out?

Amethyst: Um, yeah. So, it's like, my neighbor, Eleanor--oh wait. Sorry. I was just thinking about [dissolves into laughter]

Pearl: I hope you didn't get in trouble with the authorities.

Amethyst: You should talk, Pearl.

Pearl: I know a little something about that.

Amethyst: Okay, so for two weeks I snuck into this lady's house and I was like pretending to be one of her eighteen cats and I just, like, barked at her, and that kinda gave me up a little 'cause I barked at her. 'Cause cats don't bark.

McKenzie: Lesson learned.

Amethyst: Note taken.

McKenzie: Have you ever tried shapeshifting into a chicken and then laying an egg? Is that, like, physically possible?

Amethyst: Uh, yep. It's been done. I've done it and it was EGGcellent.

McKenzie: That would be a good source of financial income.

Amethyst: It was really speSHELL. I CRACK myself up.

Pearl: Always with the jokes.

Amethyst: Oh so many YOLKS!

Pearl: Oh! That's a good one actually.

McKenzie: How do you like your eggs? Country-scrambled, over easy, or the shells, carton, and everything on top?

Amethyst: How do I like my eggs? Whole. There's nothing worse than just, like, half of an egg. That's weird. Also, what's country-scrambled? Is there like dandelions in it?

McKenzie: Probably.

Amethyst: Or like, a map, and there's just like, Australia, like, cut up, and like put in your egg. I don't really get this question.

McKenzie: It's where you fry them on the hood of a tractor. It gives it a special flavor.

Amethyst: Ohhh, is that what it is?

Pearl: Really??

Amethyst: Man, humans are so fascinating. I guess, who am I kidding, I just like the shells, carton, everything on top. Preferably dipped in some motor oil.

McKenzie: The whole package.

Amethyst: So maybe that's kinda country!

McKenzie: Is there any food you DON'T like?

Amethyst: I cannot stand overcooked remote controls.

McKenzie: No?

Amethyst: Disgusting.

McKenzie: What's the ideal cook time?

Amethyst: For like, the perfect remote control, I would say, you know, one and a half minutes on 350 max.

McKenzie: Right. For the golden brown.

Amethyst: Yes, yes, yes.

McKenzie: I understand. I agree. There's not enough people in this world who appreciate a tasty remote control.

Amethyst: Yeah. It's true. Best food ever. My favorite.

Pearl: [sigh] If we have to purchase another remote control, Amethyst, it's coming out of your allowance.

Amethyst: Oh wow, I get allowance now? Boy, thanks, bird mom.

[Laughter]

(There was no news of the topic for next week's, but we're on for another one next Thursday.)

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

#steven universe podcast #steven universe #mckenzie atwood #rebecca sugar #ian jones-quartey #deedee magno hall #michaela dietz #amethyst #myblog

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bitchfromtheseventhhell · 7 years ago

Note

what are your asoiaf (maybe pre-asoiaf idk) ships? also merci for being in this shit-storm we call a "fandom", you light in darkness

ahh thanks

i had a lot of fun with this. i’ve deleted more asks than i can count asking me about what ships i don’t like, so getting to squee about what i do and dive down a rabbithole was great!

because i’m a fucking parody of myself, get excited for some layered bullet lists.

Stark

Canon-era

Ned

Ned x Catelyn

Nedbert

I like parts of Ned x Ashara, but wouldn’t say I’m #invested in it

Catelyn

Ned x Catelyn

Cat x Jaime was my first crackship and I’ve grown away from it but it holds a fond place in my heart.

Cat x Cersei would be incredible tbh

Cat x Brienne

Robb

Robb x Jeyne

I was big into Robb x Myrcella back in the day. Less so now, but I’m distantly fond of it.

Throbb (I mean...how can you not love the ship with the name Throbb? It’s like...perfect...as a ship name....and I hate...ship names....)

Robb x Margaery

I’m also casually into things like Robb x Meera and Robb x one of the Mormonts bc Robb x Northern Ladies is great.

I kind of like Robb x Roslin, but prefer Edmure x Roslin and don’t think the “what if the Red Wedding had never happened” AU is interesting to me at the moment.

Jon

Lately I’ve been super big into Jon x Daenerys (in case ya missed it l o l).

This I find to be hilarious because I think there are definitely receipts to be found somewhere on this website of me going “ew jon/dany is so boring ew” womp wompw omp wopm wopmw

Cackling @ my past self

This also happened with me and SanSan which I find similarly hilarious.

Other than that the main one I have is Jon x Asha (the good ship Crowken) because it’d be most excellent and you know it. It’s been a while since I wrote it, and they have never interacted so it’s based purely on potential.

Which lends itself well to the mostly unpopulated ship of Jon x Asha x Daenerys, which like...hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah gimme.

Sansa

Hi I’m perpetually in SanSan hell bye (no, this is not an exagerration)

I also am rowing my little Sansa x Edric rowboat come play it’s great and hits so many of my !!!!!!!!!!s about Sansa’s themework (and also Edric but he’s a smaller character so headcanons abound!)

I wish I shipped Sansa x Brienne more than I do; I salute it from afar tbh, and hope the books will give me more fodder for it.

Sansa x Podrick is heartcluchingly adorable

Sansa x Mya is the lesbian ship that Sansa deserves fight me

I have more emotions than shippy feelings about Sansa and Theon; I think what shippy feels I have come from Theon’s wistfulness more than actively shipping it.

On that note, I also like Sansa x Myrcella a good deal

I’m fond of Sansa x Tyrion tbh and hope they don’t get their marriage anulled in TWOW bc I think that’d be fascinating since everyone assumes it’s gonna happen (including Sansa). I’m down with it as an endgame ship for Sansa t b q h.

Arya

Hello and welcome to my Arya x Gendry tag

I multiship Arya a lot, actually, but AxG hits so many of my personal boners that it’s the big deal in my life and when I find myself in times of trouble, GRRM comes to me, speaking words of wisdom “you can be my forest love and me your forest lass”

I also like Arya x Aegon blame Jo she did this to me

Arya x Myrcella and Arya x Tommen are both wildly underrated ships imo

As is Arya x Shireen

Arya x Hot Pie is something I wasn’t expecting to like but then a few years ago an IRL friend of mine talked about how she goes out, does stuff, and comes home to freshly baked pies and how great that was as a life and I havne’t been able to let go.

Arya x Podrick sure why not

Bran

Bran x Meera = important

Bran x Lyanna Mormont = a big good thing

I respect, even if I don’t ship, Bran x Jojen. Not so much my thing. Bran x Meera is where it’s at for me and the Reeds.

Rickon

HI LET DADVOS BREATHE AND MARRY GAY RICKON TO HIS SON STEFFON K BYE.

Pre-series

Elia x Lyanna is v v v important

Arthur x Lyanna is also a good ship

Arya Flint x Rodrik Stark is a great ship too, I keep meaning to write more of them.

Brandon x Barbrey is a hot mess and I love that

Torrhen Stark x Aegon the Conqueror

Targaryen

Daenerys

As mentioned above Jon x Dany is a thing

I’m also into Dany x Tyrion

Peter Dinklage did this to me he’s so gd talented @ fandom please don’t be really gross and ableist when HBO turns this into a love triangle (since they already did).

Ok, let’s be real here, pissing off Tywin Lannister also did this to me though to a lesser extent than Peter Dinklage can you imagine how mad he’d be? It’d be fantastic. Fuck that guy so hard.

Dany x Asha also is a good

I’m into Dany x Daario because I like Dany having agency and she chose the actual human peacock so you know what girl I personally wouldn’t go there but I’m glad that you got to choose this particular relationship for yourself.

Everyone Else

As mentioned abouve Arya x Aegon

I crackship Rhaenys x Viserys idk man I just do

Big Into Aegon x Betha

I love Elaena Targaryen and all her love interests but if I had to Pick One it’d be Michael Manwoody

I mostly wish I had a ship for Rhaella. Maybe Willem Darry??

Brynden x Shiera is a good ship I have such specific headcanons for them that I did to myself writing a first person modern AU that I keep trying to get people to care about as much as I do.

God I can’t think of other Targaryens, chances are I ship them lol

Lannister

Tyrion

I like Tyrion x Tysha, but am not sure I ever want them to meet again? I’m very torn on that front bc both outcomes would mean such different things.

As I said above, I also like both Dany and Sansa as Tyrion ships

I also have a pointless AU in my head that is a Tyrion x Lyanna au, but I’ll never write it bc I don’t have enough of a plot so much as a “wow I’ve liked this for years.”

Cersei

Jaime

Also Cat as a crackship

Also Rhaegar as a “what if”

Jaime

Cersei

Cat as a crackship

I have very torn and mixed feelings about Jaime/Brienne. It hits a lot of what I like about Brienne, but hits very little of what I care about with Jaime and Saw some Things that Made Me Mad a while back. And then I read Bea’s thesis about Brienne and got even more confused. So idk man idk idk idk. idk.

Baratheon

Robert

Ned is basically the only acceptable ship for Robert tbqh

Though someone wrote a Robert/Cat AU that I liked?

Stannis

Big into Stannis/Asha

And Stannis/Asha/Jon

Also Stannis/Mel

Renly

Loras is it kids.

Gendry

AXG or bust. I’m a multishipper on Arya’s end but am Not Really on Gendry’s. Maybe a Heddle sister? Maybe? but AXG or Bust TBH.

Shireen

Shireen x Devan is the cutest

I also like Shireen x Edric

And Shireen x Arya

Myrcella

Myrcella x Trystane is adorable

Myrcella x Sansa and Myrcella x Arya are similarly cute

Tommen

I read a Tommen x Arya AU I liked--other than that I don’t have major shippy feels about him.

Other Ships

Alys x Sigorn is a top notch ship

Elia x Arthur is a similarly top notch ship

Missandei x Grey Worm is the best thing to happen on GOT tbh.

I’m at the end of my leash and can’t think of more and this is probably more than you bargained for when you sent this ask isn’t it?

If you’re reading this and you saw me miss something lmk??

#me: shipping #anonymous

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