#he’s the bearded guy in the third pic actually

[balancerseye]

If you have any sense of deja vu from the fourth image no you don’t

[jurakan]

Fun facts about the Crusades?

Today You Learned about Frederick Barbarossa.

I wasn't planning to use his profile pic from Wikipedia, but I just thought it looked kind of funny.

Born in 1122, Friederich I, nicknamed 'Barbarossa' because of his red beard, was the Holy Roman Emperor. This dude has a reputation as a badass. See, the Holy Roman Empire (not the same as the Roman Empire you probably think of) wasn't quite as awesome as it had been in the past, so Friedrich wanted to fix that. Upon ascension to the throne, he solidified his power base, did international politicking like a pro, made friends with the Pope (though his relationship with the Papacy later turned sour), and proceeded to wage several major campaigns in northern Italy to re-establish Holy Roman presence there.

He grabbed the relics of the Three Magi and put them in Cologne, Germany, where they're kept to this day. He worked hard to get Charlemagne canonized--which kind of happened, by an antipope though, so it doesn't actually count for us Catholics. He built a friendly rapport with the Byzantines. And then he built tons of family connections by getting kids hitched to Italian nobles.

Also! Fun fact: while he later put a tax on the Jewish population of his kingdom, he also passed laws protecting them, and punishing anyone who would preach against or harm them. Which in this point of history is mind-blowing.

Dude didn't have a spotless record, but he was a certified badass and experienced statesman.

And then the Third Crusade happened.

After a sermon pitching another Crusade, Freddy Barbarossa asked an assembly if he should take the Cross. The crowd overwhelmingly cheered for it, and so he did, making preparations to go East and free the Holy Land. And this Crusade was going to be AWESOME, right? Three Kings on Crusade: Frederick Barbarossa, Philip II of France, and... some guy from some island people hardly cared about.

[That last one's an exaggeration, but I'm doing it for dramatic effect so stick with me.]

Philip and the other guy decided to sail. Friederich went over land, with an army a hundred thousand strong, with tens of thousands of knights. This was THE SHIZ, man, he was going all out. They had some opposition on the way, because some kingdoms don't like it when you march an army through them! But they pushed through, and this was going to be the Most Awesomest Crusade Evah. Saladin was quaking in his boots.

So, uh... yeah, he stopped somewhere on the way there, and uh... drowned.

Goshdarnit, Friederich.

There are conflicting accounts as to how that happened. Some say he went swimming across the river and drowned in unexpectedly strong currents. One account says he got thrown from his horse and drowned because he was in his armor. Some (including some Saracens) declared it was God's punishment.

Regardless of exactly what happened, we still had a dead Holy Roman Emperor. A lot of his army just packed up and went home. Philip of France saw that the biggest guns for this operation were gone, and decided he's also turn around. Without Frederick Barbarossa, it was going to be a bust.

And so that third guy, that nobody from a backwater? He decided not to go home. He decided, "Screw it! Frederick's dead, and the French are leaving! I'll do this Crusade on my own!" And he did; it made his career (and arguably bankrupted his country). For his role in the Third Crusade, Richard, the last guy standing, was later known as "King Richard the Lion-Hearted".

[Okay, so England wasn't exactly a backwater no one cared about, but it wasn't considered as important as France or the Holy Roman Empire. Richard helped make them more noticeable on the medieval world stage.]

For whatever reason, some people decided that it was difficult to believe that Frederick got himself killed so lamely. So there's a popular German legend that came up in the Middle Ages claiming that he's not dead, he's just sleeping under a mountain somewhere, and will pop back up when he's needed.

Of course, given German history, you can probably guess what unsavory sorts co-opted this story, or the imagery of Frederick as the great warrior king, while also forgetting that he put up historic protections for the Jewish people. The Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union was titled "Operation Barbarossa" after this guy.

Nazis suck and they lie about history. What else is new?

Putting the 'fun' back in 'Fun Fact', Barbarossa's death is also a major Plot Point in the novel Baudolino by (the notably anti-fascist) Umberto Eco, where it's turned into a bit of a mystery. Also there's a lot of weird stuff in that book, and Barbarossa's death is maybe the least weird thing going on.

Hope this was an enlightening Fun Fact for you!

[noctusfury]

Who Replaced Savage as Alvin's Chief Subordinate? (Defenders of Berk/RTTE)

Hello, everyone! Welcome to another HTTYD article! Today, we'll be going into another Alvin/Outcast topic!

Anyone wonder who replaced Savage as Alvin's subordinate after Dagur's defeat at the Defenders of Berk finale? Savage fled after Dagur's capture, and Alvin was left sans a right-hand man. So who took over his position?

I can think of a few people. Though, it could always be somebody that we don't even know. But, for argument's sake, let's start with four likely candidates. With one additional fanon option, which I'll add at the end of this.

The first candidate I'd like to present you as a likely option is this guy in the Riders of Berk episode "Alvin and the Outcasts," where he runs to Alvin, who's in Stoick's place, and reports of having been given reports by Scouts about Bucket and Mulch with a bunch of others heading to Thor's Beach, along with Stoick and a group heading into the forest.

We also see in later on, when he's stranded on Dragon Island with Alvin, Savage, and others.

Personally, I like this guy. He looks like he's got a good head on his shoulders, and he's got a pretty nice voice. Sadly, he doesn't have a name despite having a speaking part since he doesn't have one in the credits. 😔🙏🏻

So let's just call him Hugin, after one of Odin's ravens who reports to him all he finds. 🤷‍♂️

It's hard to tell if we see him in other episodes after this, since it's been awhile since I've watched ROB, and we also have to deal with the multiple Outcast minion clones that resemble him. 😵‍💫

The Second Candidate for the position of Alvin's chief subordinate is this guy, found in RTTE Season 6 episode "Return of Thor Bonecrusher", who talks to the Gang and informs them about the situation, as well as the pike:

Let's call him Cheeky, due to his cheekguards. (I honestly don't know what to say about that helmet. It's not even covering his cheeks but his nose area instead. 💀 Is his beard THAT bushy? 😅)

Now, this could be pure coincidence — again, given the clones DreamWorks Dragons LOVES to duplicate — but we also see him in "Alvin and the Outcasts", along with, I assume, the first candidate I've just mentioned earlier, convening with Alvin in their Great Hall, listening to Alvin's plan about capturing the "Dragon Conqueror".

Judging from this picture above, I'm assuming that he's one of Alvin's subordinates, since usually the only ones allowed to be in-the-know about a chieftain's plans or schemes are those under their retinue: the commanders who lead the men and keep things somewhat civilized and orderly.

Of course, the men in these two pics look different: One looks rather friendly while the other one just above us looks rather stern and focused, as a subordinate ought to be. So this could just be two completely different people. Though that could be that he only gets "that way" — friendly and talkative — when talking about Ice Pike. (That, actually could be very interesting. 😮 A literal ice-breaker, that. 🤭)

So in case I'm wrong, let me clarify: the second candidate is the one we see in "Alvin and the Outcasts," just like this fella here just down below, wearing a... full-faced spangenhelm — the Third Candidate:

Let's call him Helmface.

We also see him in "Return of Thor Bonecrusher," and, if memory serves, he was with Cheeky when he explained the pike, and then threw up when Fishlegs, as Thor, ate one of them raw. 💀

In ROB's "Alvin and the Outcasts," we also see him — or who we assume is him — among those stranded with Alvin.

However, keep in mind that full-helmed goons for Outcasts, Berserkers and Hunters are usually just your run-of-the-mill common soldier. So I may be fully wrong and am just assuming that since the other two subordinates are there that he is also a subordinate.

And now we get to the Fourth and Final Candidate: Mildew.

That's right. Mildew.

As you know, in the ROB finale, as well as Defenders of Berk, Mildew has become an Outcast and serves Alvin. And after learning how to train dragons thanks to Hiccup impromptu dragon training lesson, he uses this knowledge to teach the Outcasts how to train dragons — namely Whispering Deaths and even Changewings.

(I'll be honest, I was rather disappointed that they passed on the opportunity to have a bunch of Outcast Dragon Riders. That would've been much more entertaining. And that would've been an extra nod to the books. That really should've been added. 😢😔)

He's also shown to be really intelligent, not only in being competent in handling the dragons, but also came up with several ideas to deal with the dragons: In ROB's "Dragon Flower," he bought Blue Oleanders which was basically poison for the dragons and thus weakened them considerably (honestly, it would've been great to utilize blue oleander to keep dragons away from certain places or as a type of defensive measure, etc — another lost opportunity); In "Dragons We Trust," Mildew successfully used his dragon tools to frame the dragons and get them banished from Berk, thus leaving Berk open to an Outcast raid (you can read here). In DOB's "Live and Let Fly," "The Iron Gronkle," "Tunnel Vision," and "Worst in Show," Mildew set a plan to destroy Berk from within by using Whispering Death eggs. And, unintentionally, it brought forth the Screaming Death, which gave a much greater challenge to Berk; and he also then suggested using those tunnels made by the Whispering Deaths to sneak into Berk and do whatever they wanted, and was able to capture Meatlug as a result.

And finally, at the end in the DOB finale episode "Cast Out," he was the inside man which helped Alvin and Hiccup to sneak onto Outcast Island and free Stoick and defeat Dagur. I don't know how he got caught, since I'm sure Savage or the other Outcasts should've told Dagur about him, the Whispering Deaths, and the caves. But they either don't know, or, in Savage's case, perhaps he didn't like Mildew's increasing importance within the Outcast Tribe and didn't want him doing the same thing as a Berserker subordinate. Who knows. But that would actually be interesting. 🤔🤷‍♂️ But all we know is that Mildew was one of the few Outcasts who knew about Alvin's return and helped him defeat Dagur.

In conclusion, Mildew is a resourceful and intelligent individual, despite his acrimonious and recalcitrant complaints. He obviously keeps all that to himself while on Outcast Island, since he could lose his head. Or maybe he just genuinely enjoys not being on Berk. Who knows. 🤷‍♂️

According to School of Dragons game lore — and you guys know how much I avoid game and comic lore to the hilt! — Mildew apparently can't stand that there are too many dragons both on Outcast Island and on Berk, and thus travels to a less-populated island called Icestorm Island. This would, of course, disprove this theory that Mildew became Alvin's chief subordinate, if this is true.

So this is up to you guys on whether you wish to incorporate this part of the game lore into it or not. Personally, I don't. So I'll be ignoring this. That being said, though, it WOULD be like Mildew to try to get away from dragons. But in the show, Mildew looked like he was having a soft spot for the Whispering Deaths and all that, so... I don't know. Make out of that what you will. 🤷‍♂️

And thus, my final candidate is a fanon one of my own concoction:

Fishlegs Ingerman.

I had just posted some posts concerning this (see here and here), but Fishlegs after the "The Return of Thor Bonecrusher" would've been the perfect candidate for Alvin. He saved his (Alvin's) life and is very intelligent and strong as an individual. If Fishlegs decided that Berk wasn't the place for him and yearned to do something more or to continue doing something adventurous, joining the Incasts-nee-Outcasts as Alvin's chief subordinate — even heir — and gaining fame and achievements and honor for himself. Personally, I'm really liking this headcanon-cum-theory. 😁

Of heck, it could even be some random character who we aren't aware of. Or even a child or young man that washed up on shore who Alvin had taken under his wing. The sky's the limit!

So in conclusion, there are several candidates who have the potential of being Alvin's chief subordinate. As to who, I'll leave that up to you. Let me know what you guys think. I'd love to see your thoughts on this.

After this post, there will probably be another 3 or so Alvin or Outcasts-related articles before I dive into the Berserkers or other topics! I'll also try to make sure to post the links on my blog so that they'll be readily available.

Thank you very much for reading! Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Long Live the Night!

— Noctus Fury

[rubenovichoff]

*knocks on ur window* *sniffles* so basically there was a hardcore media (rus pop mma org) fight in moscow a little while back between an armenian Osipyan and an iranian Heibati,

who's married to a rus woman btw, and before a fight he kicked, lightly, a ring girl on the ass. then he lost the fight on a technical knockout, then during the post-match in-ring drama roundup he said that the girl's a whore and disrespects his culture with her revealing clothing (he's muslim). he also attempted to punch Osipyan in the head from the back after losing the fight. then he recorded an apology vid with the girl where he used turns of phrase like, wait ill look it up uuuhhh, 'i was riled up', 'i was emotional', 'i respect female gender', 'i got hit in the head a lot', 'i respect women'. masculine/feminine emotionality horseshoe. anyways, he's expelled from the org for life and his pay is supposed to go to the girl. actually some other fighter said she'll get a half at best cuz the owners are stingy fucks. there is also a vid by another fighter who says Heibati is a solid guy and only villifying himself for hype. anyways, there's a surprise third party involved - dagestan fighter Nabiyev (current champ). at some point before the fight Osipyan posted a trashtalk insta story where uh. he's walking on the street and goes 'oops stepped in shit' and the camera pans to Nabiyev photo he's standing on, then he asks for a tissue and the cameraman is like 'i got toilet paper' and its more pics of Nabiyev if u can believe it. then Osipyan says words. terrible acting but he's got a nice wrinkle in his eyes when he smiles ig. he said it was shot in response to some other vid by Nabiyev, i haven't seen that one though. they've been beefing for a while afaict. uhh. so for some reason Nabiyev is at the fight. during aforementioned post-fight chat he is also in the cage. oh i remembered another thing about Heibati lemme edit it in. ok done. so Nabiyev attacks Osipyan. immediately like four of his friends jump into the cage and start beating Osipyan. then after the shoot, still at the arena, Osipyan is attacked again by a crowd, at some point Nabiyev makes a vid where he is sitting on top of the cage smiling and Osipyan is getting shit kicked out of him below. Osipyan was reportedly taken to intensive care afterwards. Nabiyev is now also expelled and debelted buut some believe not for long. there's a vid he made that sounds very 'child with an instinctive grasp on lying and manipulation prior to conscience development'. so far everything i watched related to this microcosm is ipad baby type content dross. fascinating in culture, roleplay, and strange people. i should watch one of their two hour panels. as far as media coverage goes, some outlets can't tell apart a guy with a beard and a guy without a beard and report it's Heibati who got assaulted. i can relate though. the youtuber breaking down the story does ads for crypto and knives. nationalistic/islamophobic sentiments throughout quite a few rus reports as u can imagine. hardcore pop mma group is well-known to be trashy and mainly promotes fighters from muslim regions. wanna see fight vids? kinda mid and i cant b arsed finding Nabiyev one. meh. ass tap and first fight (third vid from smth different) main event ok done with this shit

[bearificationtransformations]

Becoming a Mass Monster

“Dear Daniel,

Are you looking to get huge? To dominate in the weight room and on stage? To get freakishly big? Of course are! Even since your early days lifting at Eagle Gym, you’ve always dreamed at stepping on stage as a total mass monster. We know you’re hesitant to take on the extreme steroid cycles and growth hormone required to pack on that kind of insane size.   Well, Your friends at Énorme have created the perfect lean mass gainer that’ll add more size and strength than you could imagine.”

That’s how the email began. At first, Daniel figured it was just another new supplement company looking to find representatives, but the little details about his life startled him. How did they know he had an itch to get seriously big? How did they know where he got his start lifting?  Something about the email unsettled him, but it also intrigued him. 

Since he was, afterall, a middle-weight bodybuilder looking to get big, so to speak, in the fitness industry, this  didn’t seem like a bad deal at all. A new supplement for lean mass? He was on board with the idea. 

Daniel Hernandez, with movie star good looks and in fantastic shape, had high hopes of getting attention in the fitness world. A recent set of professional pics had just been sent around to a supplement ad agency only hours ago, but this was the first “bite” he had gotten. He wrote back and said he was interested.  

A few minutes after he shot off an email expressing interest he got a reply:

“Thanks Daniel, 

We’re very happy you’re going to try out product. Just take some before and after photos, and I’m sure the results will speak for themselves! No need to get professional pictures done. Just send us the email with the updated shots and we’ll send you the money.  Your shipment is in the mail and will be sent to: 142 Chestnut Ave, Los Angeles, CA. 90042 USA.

Happy lifting and massive gains, 

The Énorme team”

How did they know his address? This was a bit freaky. Unless his publicist had shared it with them? That must have been the case. Odd, because he didn’t think publicists would share addresses like that, but maybe it was to help him get free samples. 

Only two days later a small package arrived addressed to him from Énorme. Inside was two small vials that simply said “Lean Mass gainer”. 

At first Daniel thought it was a joke. No way was this stuff real.  He hadn’t spoken to his publicist about it, but something about the packaging, its simplicity, the professionalism of how it was put together and the instructions convinced him otherwise. He was intrigued, and the more he looked at the packaging, the more he read the label, the more intrigued he became. After a few days he felt compelled to try the stuff. 

Daniel, following the instructions, downed the first vial. What harm could it do? He treated it like a preworkout and went to the gym. He lifted with so much energy, with a newfound vigor and strength that surprised him. He looked so pumped in the mirror.  His tank top even felt more snug than usual.

As the day went on Daniel swore he could feel his muscles growing. It was like the gym pump never subsided, but kept going. His arms and shoulders were looking bigger and more jacked than ever. Daniel knew his way around anabolics, but he never had heard of anything that worked like this. As he stared at his reflection in the bathroom at home he knew he was bigger. He looked bigger for sure, and his beard was coming in fast. Daniel showered put on a clean shirt and it felt tighter than normal. How was that possible? As the evening went on he continued to feel like his body was gaining more and more muscle mass.

Daniel stepped on the scale that evening. There was no denying now that he had grown. Instead of normal 210 pounds, Daniel was now pushing 240. He was so into this growth he got a boner from just looking at the numbers. Fucking hell, he had actually gained 30 pounds of solid muscle in a matter of hours. He jacked off at his own reflection, seeing his bigger arms flex with each pump. Fuck it felt so good to be big.

Daniel was horned up all night. He kept feeling up his bigger pecs and thicker arms and got worked up all over again. His chest hair, which he usually kept short, was growing in, and his beard was getting longer quickly. Fuck, he was getting hairier. All this testosterone was overloading his system. Even his dick felt fatter in his hands. Daniel slept like a rock after jerking off for the third time in bed. The

The next morning he moved quickly to head to the gym again. He cleaned up all the used up socks around his bed and got dressed. He was bigger and his shirts were tighter. He had a full beard. For the first time in his life he had grown out a full beard. He wore one of his big tank tops only to find it fit him well, hugging his increasingly hairy pecs. Fuck, He looked even bigger. After jerking off quickly Daniel went to the gym.

Fuck he was big. He looked like a pro bodybuilder. The scale at the gym confirmed it. 260 pounds. He was one of the big boys now. Forget fitness magazines, Daniel wanted to be on the cover of FLEX magazine, or on stage at Mr. Olympia. He looked practically stage ready. 50 pounds of lean muscle mass had piled on without seemingly a single pound of fat. If anything, he looked even more defined.

It was hard to concentrate at the gym, he was so horned up. So obsessed with his new size. His strength was way up. Benching 405 was no problem now. He was probably the most jacked, and the strongest dude in his gym.

And he was nearly the size of a real mass monster now. Goddamn he loved this. He loved ever second of it. He was getting boned up at the gym just seeing his own muscles flex and press.

His libido continued running at this extreme high.The growth may have run its course but his testerone seemed to be supercharged. A super horned up 260 pound bodybuilder. Goddamn that wasn’t such a bad arrangement, not at all.

Days went by, and his libido didn’t repent. He had to jack off four or five times a day to keep himself in check. He needed new shirts to fit his broader, beefier muscular frame. Friends at the gym were shocked by his sudden growth. He kept jerking off in the mirror, loving his size, feeling his huge muscles up with his hands as he stroked his fat heavy cock. Goddamn, had that grown too? It felt thicker and maybe even longer, but it was hard to tell.

But Daniel wanted more still. He dreamed of more mass piling on to his frame again. That wave of growth had been such a high, he still hadn’t come down from it. Daniel had to keep trimming his beard and trimming back the chest hair every day. It was growing in fast and thick. He was a beast. It had to be his hyped up test levels.

And that second vial. It sat there on his nightstand, tempting him. He wanted more, he fucking loved being huge, and what a better way to get noticed than to be an absolute mass monster? This was his ticket, it would make his dreams of true muscle freakdom come true. He could be inhumanly massive. Inhumanly strong. Damn, had he always wanted to be that huge? Wasn’t he big enough? Nahh, he wanted more. Whatever voice of his that envisioned him at 260 forever was getting drowned out by the desire for more. Lots more.

So four days after his first transformation into a heavyweight bodybuilder, Daniel decided to make the plunge. Would it bring him another 50 pounds of pure muscle mass? Fuck, he’d be over 300 pounds if it did. Just the idea turned him on so much.

When did he get so horny thinking about muscle mass like this? Was this the side effect of stuff he took? Even other men’s muscles got him worked up now. Fuck, was he gay? Not that he had anything against gay guys, but he didn’t used to get a boner looking at other jacked guys. Now he was into it. Totally into it.

Fuck, maybe he was bi?

Daniel shrugged at the idea. Muscle mass was so fucking hot, who cares. He just wanted more. He wanted to get so huge that he wouldn’t be able to fit into any of his clothes. He wanted to outgrow the fucking doorway.

After hitting the gym that morning, Daniel came back home and without jesistaying, just downed that second vial. A warmth spread over his entire body like he hadn’t felt before. Fuck yeah, it was starting to work.

Daniel could actually see his muscles grow minute by minute, he stood there with the biggest boner of his life, flexing, posing, jerking off.. watching himself steadily grow larger and larger. It was intoxicating, insanely hot. He stepped on the scale just 30 minutes after taking the potion to find his weight had climbed to 280 pounds. He jerked off on the scale looking at those numbers and looking at the mass monster in the mirror in front of him. Jizz flung everywhere in the bathroom.

This was the best experience in his whole life, the best thing he had ever felt. Better than sex, better than drugs. Growth was the hottest thing he’d ever experience. He was so indebted to this company, what was their name? God he would rep them in anything they did now. He owed everything to them now.

God he was getting so huge. So enormous. Becoming the mass monster he always dreamed of being.

The mass kept piling on, faster than before. He walked around his apartment, noticing how his arms had to swing out further to move around his massive blown up lats. His saunter was more exaggerated as his quads had grown thicker and were now pressing against each other. His footfalls were heavy, deliberate. They seemed to shake the walls a little. He was getting hard, his fat dick slapping heavily against his massive thighs. He loved this. Daniel made his way back to the bathroom to examine the changes further. His triceps hit the doorframe as he walked into the bathroom.

How big was he going to get? He looked into the mirror and was shocked to see his size. Looking down he could barely see passed his pumped up pecs, which now was getting a thick coat of fur on them. He sauntered back to the scale. 304... fuck no wonder his arms were flaired out to his sides like that, no wonder his footsteps were so heavy. Goddamn he had made it. He had grown to muscle freak status.

And he was still growing. Steadily growing. It wasn’t noticeable with the passing seconds, but it was event he was still getting bigger with the passing minutes. Lats pushing out wider, shoulders growing more and more broad, pecs blowing up, his arms packing on more mass. He tested the doorway to see if he could clear it at his shoulders now. He still had tiny bit off space to clear the doorway at his shoulders, but not at his arms, which pushed out far from his sides due to their hulking mass. Damn, he really was wider than the doorway now. It was such a rush.

Daniel jerked off furiously again, watching the overblown muscular beast in the mirror flex with each tug on his thick cock. His dick felt heavy and fat in his hands. He was definitely bigger down there now too. No way to deny it now.

He came again just looking at himself. All that freaky mass, that size, that bulk. He was a monster, a gigantic hulking stud. Overblown muscles growing so big they seemed almost impossible. So overgrown.

327 pounds. Fucking hell, that was more than 50 pounds. No wonder this was so much more intense than last time. He began jerking up again, unable to keep his big fat dick down. It had a mind of its own now and it didn’t want to quit.

His beard was getting heavy. Growing higher up on his cheeks. It was getting heavy on his massive chest too. Swirling fur was starting to cover those huge bulging pecs. God he was an animal. A freaky huge muscle bear he thought. Wait, what? A bear? Where did that term come from?

Daniel kept growing over the next few hours. His shoulders finally growing too wide for his door frame. Even sideways, getting through doors in his home would be a little tricky. He was that massive, that thick. All night he had Slowly morphed into a freak of inhuman size. An utter overblown giant in the world of bodybuilding that would put most mass monsters to shame. 360 something pounds of hairy lean muscle. Pure, extreme, mass.

Daniel lost count how many times he blew his loads, he just knew his hefty 9 incher was tired by the end of it, sore from too much use and abuse. His heavy balls were still pumping out more cum, but he could keep up. He passed out that night with cum soaked towels covering every inch of his floor.

Daniel could hardly reconcile with the freak had become. Muscle mass competed for space on his 5’9” frame. He could barely His libido was now barely manageable, his dick was huge, beer-can thick, constantly sporting a chub, and eager to blow. He had to trim his beard back, it had grown enormous since taking the potion. He had to clean up all the hair on his stomach and abs too...at least if he wanted people to see the definition. And he definitely wanted people to see the definition.

Jerking off, Working out, eating, and jerking off more. This was his life now. He was meant to be seen, meant to be stared at. And he did get stared at. Everywhere he went.

Daniel got a new set of professional physique photos taken a few days later. The world of bodybuilding ignited into furious speculation and talk over this new giant, this new 360 pound freak, that was now making his presence known online and on instagram.

Daniel didn’t know how to thank Enorme except to write them back with the new photos attached. He explained to them how much attention he was getting now, how many other offers he was getting from supplement companies... and his deep deep gratitude to their product.

A few weeks later, Daniel got another vial. A hot gay bodybuilder, Jordan, had come over for another hot session of muscle worship when the package arrived. Jordan was just starting to suck off the giant muscle freak when Daniel heard the package come to the front door.

It was from Enorme. A letter of thanks for the photos and a little note. “We wanted to provide you with some more lean mass, in case you’d like to show anyone else how well it works” Daniel look at three more vials with the note “these extra vials are for sharing, that is, if you want to” and a smile crossed his face.

“Hey Jordan” Daniel called out from the hall. “Are you looking to get huge?” Daniel went back to the bedrooms and handed Jordan the vial. “Just drink this”.

[9w1ft]

hi! i’m new to the kaylor world and i’m a little skeptical they are still together, so this is no shade but genuine curiosity. besides mannerisms and being close to mikey, is there any actual proof josh is gay? i’m asking because what i’ve seen posted about him being gay just looks like he’s not a stereotypical ultra masculine man, but that doesn’t say gay to me.

hello!

maybe you don’t know but actually your question is such a hot button topic. it seems like anyone who answers it gets a flurry of charged messages 🙈

so while it’s not a satisfactory answer to your question, i will answer by saying that i try to focus more on the nature of his relationship with karlie, rather than asserting what he might or might not “be.”

to start, there’s an old post somewhere that goes over the beats of the social media rollout when they first became instagram official and there’s a bearding energy about it. also, he started being publicly seen with karlie around the time that he founded oscar health, and karlie promoted oscar a lot back then. the same year he gets highlighted in forbes 30 under 30. articles start painting him as some business scion. they are first linked on social media via a friends post in Jun 2012, and right before karlie and him became a public thing in Nov 2012, he was gathering a third round of investments for his thrive fund ($150m) which closed in Sep 2012 after 10 weeks of investment. after he began dating karlie, the subsequent round of investments for thrive iv would jump to $400m.

so it just makes me think, this quiet rich kid starts his first big company and it coincides with him suddenly dating a victoria’s secret supermodel, and here they go posting pics of her pointing at oscar billboards and such? idk maybe he’s just one incredibly lucky dude? or maybe it’s giving me notes of coordinated PR.

and if you think about if there is a motive to beard, i would say there is. when you’re going out there to garner investments from the elite, it (unfortunately) can help to have a certain presence. in his case, there may have been benefits to being able to complement any talk that he gives to investors with the publicly researchable tidbit that he’s dating a woman supermodel. and that’s basically what his IG is, pics of karlie, and pics of james turrell exhibits 🙈 it’s almost like a mission statement in a way.

and this is only discussing what we all can see as public spectators, when there could be motives and opportunities to privately beard as well. for example, given the potential social conservativeness of the society that he is from, he or his family might want him to maintain a closet amongst close acquaintances for his family’s image. given the hypothesis that he had been dating a guy for some time, one could imagine that the extra press exposure that comes from making a splash with business ventures might lead to him being noticed more by people with cameras when he’s with his partner. that could lead to gossip. so it seems fitting that, especially at the onset of his relationship with karlie, it seemed like whenever him and mikey were seen at an event, karlie was magically there (alternatively you might say that whenever he and karlie were seen at an event, mikey was magically there).

and if you look at some of the entertainment industry company he has kept (for example him and karlie almost always go on summer yacht trips with people like DVF/Barry Diller and David Geffen) you can see he is surrounded by mentor-aged people for whom business and bearding are bread and butter.

then, contemporarily speaking, there are just times where karlie has made what read like bearding jokes. for example, i think about this quarantine video did, fast forward to number 22, where she talks about cutting josh’s hair and calling him her “first and last client” with a clip of her taking a shaver to his head

as well, the guy isn’t on social media that much, and yet for as long as i’ve been around, he always posts like 10-15 images to his instagram stories celebrating mikey’s birthday. in contrast, some years he posts nothing for karlie’s birthday at all. and he wishes no other person a happy birthday either. just mikey 🤷🏻‍♀️ and recently, the night before the kid’s birthday he’s attending the opening of a night club in miami with mikey. meanwhile karlie is seen in new york etc.

none of these things ‘prove’ he is anything. they can all be explained away in some fashion. indeed —as is the case with taylor— in assuming they are closeted, there would always need to be a degree of plausible deniability because the goal would be to not have the truth revealable. i know this sort of ambiguity doesn’t make for a solid argument, but it’s not as if we are all a part of some debate club.. this is life. still, it’s these kinds of things in aggregate that paint a certain picture for me, one which is congruent with kaylor ☺️

[lovee-infected]

hello, i'm a big admirer of your theories and watching a movie based on the disney park i thought of a connection between the haunted mansion and the disorganized dormitory, was that a reference about the school's past or if there is a chance to have but a ghost that has a connection with the foundation of the school? it would be very interesting to know how the school came about or in whom the disorganized dormitory hurts inspired, maybe it's just a random idea but I kept thinking about it💓

Hi there and thank you very much darling !😄💕💕💕💕💕💕 Well first of all , I'm greatly sorry for my awfully late response - This ask came when my url was still @/geodraconia (Oof-long ago) and I was mainly a twst theory-only blog...

And now , this isn't a random idea at all my dear and thank you very much for leading me to it ! I'd previously written theories for the Ramshackle dorm but the haunted mansion..? I watched lots of streams and videos for this and I can't believe how much I've been missing all this time omg-

Well then ! Let's go for it !

Twisted Wonderland theories part 4 : Haunted mansion and Eliza's background :

First of all let us quickly review what we previously found about Ramshackle dorm's possible inspirations :

The designs are clearly based off Disney's thro the mirror and there's no argue on it - But the same design was used in the video game epic Mickey as well

The other point was with the ghosts . I was pretty sure that they're designed after disney's famous lonesome ghosts for both designs and the house they lived in which did share similarities with Ramshackle dorm

Full theory here

Well I totally missed the biggest hint amd that would be the haunted mansion ; a direct and strong source for not only our beloved ghosts but also the main reason and reference of our latest and so far , greatest event which would be the ghost marriage

Before I start talking about what and why leaded to Eliza's story ; let me have a small update on the haunted mansion:

With some YouTube videos and documentaries on the haunted mansion's establishment , you may now understand the high similarities between the Ramshackle dorm and the well-known haunted mansion better :

You can check the videos out for full explanation but let me just bring some of the interesting hints out here :

1) The three men and the ghosts : Pretty similar to Ramshackle's ghosts , aren't they ?? I still can't relate to the third ghost or...corpse with that beard but take a look at the other two : From the form of the skull...to the shape of the hat . Familiar , right ?

2) The mirror : No extra words I guess , the picture has it all ( Not much different from our dark mirror , is it?)

Well if you guys watch the YouTube video you'll get to see plenty of more details in a better explanation there , but for now let's get to my favorite part :

The ghost bride :

Well then before having a look at where Eliza did exactly come from , let's review the mostly mentioned thoughts on her

1) Eliza does have a Hamilton reference : I personally agree on this one . Since Disney had hosted a Hamilton remake in the late years and because both stories have a bride who is blinded b love and doesn't see the incomplete parts of their crush (Alexander Hamilton vs Idia Shroud lol-) that's pretty possible to be ( I actually had a doubt whether the ghost bride's name is pronounced as El-ee-za or El-ai-zaa and so @poisonepel helped me with it )

2) Eliza is based off the corpse bride : Well this one seemed a bit too good to be true since Tim Burton's Corpse Bride isn't a Disney original , but due to what I found on the bride's background , it wasn't that wrong

Well recently @vaudedrome-dorm too shared pics of the latest ghost bride from Tokyo's 2019 event and the similarities are just too obvious . But the story is far greater than just a cute 2019 parade ; let's return to The haunted mansion's first days

When the haunted mansion was finally open to the public , a ghost named hatbox ghost was one of the strongest-spookiest hints there to frighten visitors ; but due to some reasons , this ghost was immediately replaced with a newer figure named : Ghost bride which hasn't ever been even close to getting removed so far

The first design is believed to be this painting which was inspired by this mysterious photography , (close enough huh..?)

Then through later designs , the ghost bride was given plenty of changes . Each one creepier after another ...

Well well , as you can see , the first designs weren't much pleasant amd the main design was a corpse with a beating heart on chest , which later grow famous with the nickname of Beating heart bride was the longest design our bride has been through. Designs did change a lot during it's time , but the heart remained the same

2) Well years later after having the heart beating bride for too long , they decided to give it an all new design : They removed the heart and instead , came up with a fully digital blue-ish phantom of the bride , which seemed more suitable for the haunted mansion

The bride is stcuk next to the mirror and pics in the middle of the ride , but the most interesting part are the portraits . They show a woman dressed as a bride stepping next to a man , as you move through the ride , the man's head disappears as if his head gets cut of or better to say : they proves that the groom had died

Another amazing design at the haunted mansion is how a ghost marriage is supposed to be taking place there . Portraits and designs are another aspect of it :

Due to having different designs over the time ; plenty of different stories have bee spreaded about the ghost bride's possible back ground , but let's look at the two of the most famous ones of them :

1) Constance, also known as the Black Widow Bride, who was unveiled in the 2006/2007 upgrades having replaced the original beating heart bride tells the story of a bride who murders her husbands and takes their riches for herself, hence the name Black Widow Bride. Constance does not however tell us all of her secrets and we are left to imagine the worst. While it is nice to leave the audience wanting more…

Well well that's all that was explained so far about the beating heart bride which was the first and almost the most famous design of the ghost bride

2) Now Melanie, who is in DLRP, is a completely different story…she was a young bride in love but whose father was completely against her marriage and was devoted to stopping it no matter what…but her parents died in an accident so happy ever after right? No…her groom was then killed by the Phantom of the Manor (I’m not sure who this is or WHY he wanted to kill the groom) and so she kept waiting for him to show up at the alter even in death. And again you’re left with questions, or at least I am…who is the Phantom in this Manor and why did he kill Melanie’s groom? Was he her father hell-bent on stopping her marrying this young man? Was he a jealous suitor?

I believe most of you are well-familiar with Tim Burton's Corpse Bride which is actually based off this story . So to everyone who assumed Eliza to be based off Corpse bride : You were indirectly right ! Because the bride we now are talking about is most likely based off the same thing Burton was inspired by

Okay , now let's get to our best part of the bride's history , something that is indubitably Yana's main and direct reference for Eliza's design : TADA !

Let's take a look at Tokyo's 2019 Spooky "Boo!" Parade where this version of the bride showed up ; a special tokyo event featuring the haunted Mansion but his time , with all alive and human cast :

Spooky "Boo!" Parade :

I leave reading the full info to you but let me bring the important parts out ; the bride

In 2019, the Bride was added to the parade. She walked in front of the float with Mickey and the knights. Her appearance differed from previous Bride costume characters - her hair is done up in a bun, and her dress and veil are more stylized and cartoony - but her dress is designed with a red heart in the center of her chest. This was the first time that the original bride appeared in the parks as a live character.

The bride was accompanied by five men dressed in matching suits and top hats. They acted as admirers to her. They proposed to her and she playfully pushed them away, as they made their way down the parade route.

I wanna focus on this part again

You see!?? Yana didn't come up with that story out of thin air ! The bride , the haunted Ramshackle dorm , the marriage , the slapped proposers!!!! They were are designed based on canon Disney events along with her knowledge and research ; just , impressive

omg...I mean I know that Yana always does her research but this...this was waaaaay greater than what I was expecting...

Upcoming is the Wish upon a star event and many already are expecting it to be a Pinocchio reference , but who knows ? What surprises is Yana willing to give us this time ? Let's see

[shortyisweird9]

'Lonely ghost serie'

Chek and heartache- part III

Tw⚠️:swearing, referring of dark themes such as suicide attempt and mental illness.

The morning rays hit your eyes gently, tangible by their warmth,as you forced yourself from another dream of nothing but blank.

You groaned as your cat,Didi, comes running towards you: purring, meowing and chirping in pure happiness. You knew the reason she does this; your previous cat, Martha or Dildo- your roommate Sergiu called her that because of her dickish attitude with him- used to do this everytime so the little one, Didi, just followed her mother's lead.

Everytime she does that is like a small needle stabs at your heart especially when just 2 weeks passed since Martha died of old age- the black cat was adopted when she was senior, abused and malnourished, your heart knew you couldn't leave her to be laid to rest like a nothing. You adopted her, she bit you and you petted her, she hissed you hugged her, you did everything you could think of to show love even brush her fur with a wet toothbrush end to mimic sweet kisses coming from her mom. The cat soon realized that and started living again. Cautious of your other 3 roommates, cuddly with you.

Anyway, you got sidetracked with reminiscing. You heard your friends in the kitchen, Sabrina throwing away the take out boxes and Sergiu preparing some tea, probably to calm his stomach after all the spicy curry he ate last night.

You fixed the oversized white t-shirt and pull the marine blue shorts out of your bottoms, Didi already waiting you by the door.

You all, Sabrina,Sergiu,Ace and you, live in a quaint apartment, turned from campus housing, right next to one of the malls of the city. It had two small bathrooms, a living room , three petite bedrooms ,a tiny kitchen, a rounded balcony and a hallway. It was much smaller than your family home but it was in a central zone where your family home was outside the city's boundaries. You chose it not only because you wanted to spare your family from driving you to university but also because you needed your freedom, your space. Your parents were very understanding of that.

-Y/n e trează? ( "Is Y/n awake?") Ace asked as he sipped on his black cofee.

Without, he would pretty much be a grumpy hedgehog with spiky tealish mohawk. And who wouldn't love that?

-Nu încă, ah! Uite-o! ("Not yet,ah! There she is") Sabrina exclaimed, getting up to hug you and leaving the smoking tea cup by the window.

"Hello." You said ,voice grungy and eyes shut from the light.

You felt the warm hands of your Arabic friend on your face filled with moles and couple of marks from recently popped pimples, you let yourself be engrossed into it ,the touch starvation you carry like a cross chosing for you.

You hear her laugh, she always had a pretty laugh and a prettier smile . She was the beauty of the group, with big puffy sand yellow curls, brown skin with red undertones and black eyes who glow in pure happiness. She was stunning and a sweetheart with an obsession on the colour red and butterflies.

"Someone is needy." Ace teased.

"Shut up or I will staple those hair triangles on your scalp. "

You wanted to say something better but Sabrina then started massaging your lower face in a circular manner with her thumb. You knew you couldn't do anything anymore except melt.

-Anyway ,unde e Sergiu? ("Anyway, where is Sergiu?")

-Ți-o făcut ceai, cane e pervaz. S-o dus până sus să o ajute pe Florentina.("He made you tea, the cup is on the windowsill. He went upstairs to help Florentina.") He said, taking another sip of his cup.

-Ooooh, Florentina. You two began as Ace shook his head in amusement.

You and Sabrina were known to be ruthless in your teasing of the guitarist with long brown locks and beard.

Florentina was a crush of his, a freshman in the University of Arts who played the violin beautifully. Small,with olive skin, long red hair keept in a 1960s hairstyle and green petite with a triangular shaped face. She was a sweetie with a love for fantasy book ,autumn and ferrets.

-Oh, yeah?

-Dup, iubitul ei se mută cu ea. ("Yup, her boyfriend moves in with her")

-Oh.

Ace sucked in his lip ,his face filled with disappointment just like theirs now.

-That sucks.

-Numai spune,Sabrina.("You don't say,Sabrina")

Just then, the door clicked shut. Sergiu is back, this will be awkward.

-Ce vă uitați așa la mine?("Why are you looking at me like that?")

Neither of them could properly looked into the warm brown eyes of the man whose glow seemed to fade a bit, Sergiu was a stubborn man who shut his feelings deep inside, only through his song you could tell he was suffering. Just like you, I suppose.

-Am auzit...("We heard...")

You bit your lips as your long fingers played with each other, twisting and tugging while your nerves grew. Last thing you wanted was another fight where you all force the man to open up. He had suicidal tendencies, sometimes he came too close to actually do it but you were there and you needed to be there now too, even if he doesn't like being taking care of.

Sergiu rolled his eyes at you, his heart hurt from how rigid your posture was, eyes were worried about him but also scared, teeth grinding themselves not out of anger but out of care and fear.

He knew you hated arguments and shouts with dying passion. You always cried when someone raised their voice in less than friendly manner, you hated this reaction of complete terror, you hated looking weak but now you hated letting your friend burn himself because of an unfortunate love triangle. So you swallowed your nerves and braved on, it's about him ,not you.

Sergiu wanted to protect you all from this negativity, especially you and Ace. You had a big event to organise , Ace's sex reassignment surgery is coming up soon. You both have your own problems to dwell ,you didn't need to have him as one too.

However somewhere in his head, a voice telling him that he was wrong ,that voice that took the shape of you in the night of July.

You were crying, your grey hoodie wet from the rain as you cling desperately to him, not daring to move.

He was the reason why you crying, why you yelled profanities our of worry for what he was about to do. He...He tried to throw himself off a bridge ,the same bridge you two first shared your kiss.

That dark episode still irked your minds in the darker moments, late in the night nothing but your mind to keep you company and that's torture in itself.

You thought you could help him, change whatever hurts him and make it go away. That was your biggest mistake, you can't change a person that's not your duty , your duty was to support them through tough times and help them see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. A duty you solemnly swore to uphold even if he didn't liked you to. There's no fucking way you let him do that again,not if you can be there for him. Like he was always there for you, your big guardian with a guitar that spews flames in shape of songs.

-Y/n..

-Te rog, Sergiu. Nu ascunde. ("Please, Sergiu. Don't hide.")

Your eyes were desperate for him to talk it out in any shape or form. They implore for him to vent, to not hid between fake lies like " I am okay" or "I'm fine."

-Bine,bine. Tu ești șefa. ("Fine,fine. You're the boss.")

————————————————————

They talked and talked and cried and laughed and cried again. A never ending circle of venting ,small earthquakes which instead of fracturing the friendship , it onlyakes it stronger as it should.

-Te simți mai bine?("You feeling better?") Your voice ran timidly on the top of your apartment building, watching over the brutalist styled architecture.

-Un pic, doare știi dar asta îmi arată cât de îndrăgostit sunt de ea. Iubirea adevărată pentru mine nu se referă doar la a iubi doar dacă te iubește reciproc, nu , să iubești fără să forțezi persoană să te iubească înapoi. Să îi porți de grijă, să o protejezi, să o ajuți fără să fi un egoist, fără să te aștepți să fi iubit înapoi. ("A little, it hurts you know but this shows how much I love her. True love for me doesn't mean to love just so they will love you back, no, to love someone without forcing them to love you back. To care for them, to protect them, to help them without being an egotistic, to love without expecting to be loved back.")

-Poetic.

He laughed at that , starring at the setting sun ,his lit cigar forgotten fumed between his painted fingers. His hair blown gently by the wind , he looked like a masterpiece.

-Scuze..pentru tot.("Sorry...for everything. ")

-N-ai de ce. Mi-ai făcut chec până la urmă așa că balanța eternă este restabilită.("You don't have a reason to be. You made me chek in the end and thus the eternal balance is restored.") You joked, munching quietly on the piece of cake, his jacket keeping you warm.

-Haha. Cine ar fi crezut că checul are fi o gustare bună când îți dai vent.("Haha. Who would have thought that chek will be a good snack when you vent.")

Indeed, who would have thought of that but one who cried in the sore days filled with heart ache.

————————————————————

Hey,guys!💖

Hope you like the third part of the serie, I wanted to focus on "your life" and your friends backgrounds this time. The translations are not 100% word to word but enought to give you context.

Anyway, I hope you like it. Stay safe!

Tagged 💗💗:@moolujk @gaysludge @simonsbluee @yoyoanaria @cherry-piee @magenta-skyline @yikesyikesyikes95

[anglophile-rin]

Soooo I had to go to work as my brain was still processing the MAJESTY of that trailer, bit before I went I def turned it into a million screengrabs, and now you get to hear Thoughts on them.

Okay, so first. That building in the first pic is 100% the building in Five's sunglasses reflection which puts it just down the street from the Dallas Book Depository (where they believe JFK was shot from) and across that park from where JFK was shot. (Building circled in orange second pic, DBD with the arrow, and JFK site circled in white.

This definitely feels like they're trying to either take out the pres, OR take out the guy Taking out the pres.

Oh, also, that's old man Five's scope, if we recall the picket fence he was camped out behind. Right down to the radio strapped to the fence.

Which means, um, Holy shit? Luther and Pogo(??) are the ones in his scope????

Okay, these ones have a bit of a timeline confusion that I can't get my head around yet, so bare with me.

The top two are of "2nd Event," "3rd Event," "4th Event," and a smidge of "5th Event"(2nd, 4th, and 5th presumed based on placement).

The 2nd Event is Allison landing in the 60s. Which 100% fits with our theory that the order of the teaser photos on Insta were landing order, so go team us!!

The 3rd Event is Luther's landing, and we have a date! April 10, 1962. (This is also that part of the vid where Luther hilariously yells holy shit while falling through blue into a dumpster).

The 4th Event is where things get kind of odd? As far as I can read, the date says "November 17, 1963." And it shows Diego landing.

However, it doesn't seem right that Diego could grow THAT hair and THAT beard in....what, the 8 days before the Apocalypse?

Also, the Television he's looking at (in the third picture) presumably when he lands is showing Kennedy's inauguration, which is January 20, 1961. Maybe it's a...rerun? Either way, TUA once again gives me dates and times that do not make sense, and I am not okay with it.

The 5th Event is obvs Vanya landing, looking that magnificent white suit. She seems unconcious and in an alley, probably the one she stumbled out of in that fan video going around, ready to be hit by the love of her life's car.

This one is short. Five is sneaking somewhere, some kind of TV set it looks like, and "Pogo" is written on the blackboard he passes. Maybe Reg took his talking primate onto TV?

This one I just want, because those look like Klaus boots and pants and I want him to bust out the crime fighter moves.

If we could take a moment to throw our minds back to Ben's promo screenshot, it's the same room and position as that top photo here, but with a dude in the ceiling. Allison is also experiencing some floating furniture. Dear GOD let it be Klaus using TK, please funky disco Jesus.... But also very likely Vanya. Sigh.

Can we appreciate Allison and her husband disposing of a goddamn body in a rug while Klaus and Ben chat on their couch in the background? Because I think we all need to.

And, finally, I find it hilarious that they are actually somewhere called the "Tiki Lounge" and that this is the face of a man realizing he is going to be a very poor father.

So, tada! Please, enjoy the fruits of my obsessiveness, I am certain there shall be more to come!

Now With More Ravings!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #348

“nothing will be free  /  nothing will be done  /  black out the sun”

Do you have any famous relatives? My third or so cousin is the author of Not Without My Daughter, but she's not like a smash hit or anything that most people know. I really do recommend the book, though. It's a long read, but a beautiful, true story. Do you care about celebrity gossip? Nah. Have you ever failed a science course in high school? No; I was very good at science. What’s your favorite breakfast food? Cinnamon rolls. Does your house have a basement? No. No house I've ever lived in has had one. Do you like Hot Topic? Well duh. Do you think imagination is valuable? VERY! Just imagine how many incredible things wouldn't exist without it. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? Unspeakably happy, and I felt like I was building a future with someone. I felt like I had purpose, which I should mention to anyone reading is a mindset to NEVER adopt. No one gives you purpose; you're born with it. How much weight can you lift at once? Ha, not a lot. When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I want a black one with faux snow on the branches, then maybe red ornaments. Kinda look like blood dripping off. Sounds metal. Name three YouTube channels you’ve been loving lately. Lately, John Wolfe, The Dark Den, and Aim To Head Mix. Have you ever bought a designer purse? No. Do you wear jewelry often? No. What color was your senior prom dress? Black. Are you colorblind? No. Name the people you know who are colorblind. Jason's older brother is colorblind to two colors, but idr which. Would you ever consider a career in writing? I'd love to. What was your first favorite color? Red. What do you think about horror movies? I love them. If you love them, what’s your favorite? I really enjoy The Crazies and both The Blair Witch Project movies. Oh, and of course Silent Hill. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I don't have the money to get anyone presents... and while I sometimes get ideas about something I could make someone, then it wouldn't be fair to the rest of my family if I don't make them something, too. What’s your favorite word and why? I really like the sound of "serendipity," as well as its meaning. It's just a pretty, nice word. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? Not really... I think the coolest thing I made was when I put the clay heart I made in Art into a shadowbox, and a poem I wrote was in the background. It was a gift for Jason. I remember working really hard on the whole process and being really happy with it. I don't want to know what he's done with it since. What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? I don't know. What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? Everyone knows about Venus' terrarium by now... Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? No. Ever done drugs? No. Tell me one of your worst habits. Catastrophizing. I take a tiny seed of something potentially bad, and in seconds it's a damn redwood tree. And I do mean "in seconds." What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I don't know, I don't have any particularly unique ones, I think. If you game, what type of headset do you use? I just use earbuds. Do you think you would be a good therapist? You know, it's funny, I've actually pictured myself as one a few times, given my level of understanding and empathy for people, as well as how deeply I want to see others succeed and spread the word that recovery from things like depression is very possible. I've never truly entertained the thought, though, given I'm quite sure I legally couldn't be given my suicidal past and mental illnesses. There is also NO way I could listen to so many people's suffering and manage to stay healthy myself, so, no therapist position for me, thanks. Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No. Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? Creamy, 100%. Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? No. Do your pets have collars? Describe them: Roman has an adorable navy one with a bowtie. Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? Old friends, sure. What is something you want to begin learning? I want to improve my ability to perform what in therapy is called "opposite action," where you do the opposite of what your depression (or other conditions) make you want to do. It always helps me feel good, like when I draw even when I don't initially feel like it, but it's rough to really force yourself to do it. What is a food you find comforting when you are sad? Ice cream is my comfort food. What is a quote you find comfort in? There are really a lot, but none come to mind immediately, gah. What is one Tumblr blog you really appreciate? I actually haven't been on my main Tumblr in months, but oh my god there is a Markiplier blog called "lady-raziel" and she is FUCKING HYSTERICAL. The meme quality is A+. What is a comfort movie/show for you? When I actually liked watching movies, I enjoyed watching Silent Hill when I was down. That whole franchise just makes me so happy. What is a recent creative project that you are proud of? That I'm PROUD of, idk. I'm not that happy with the last drawing I made, and I haven't done any serious writing lately that I find noteworthy. What is a video game that you find comforting? Shadow of the Colossus is probably #1. I find it so relaxing while equally epic as fuck. The soundtrack is to die for, and after playing it a billion times, it's pretty easy for me to kinda breeze through and just enjoy myself. Do you know how to bake bread? If so, what is something you’ve baked recently? No. Would you rather live in the mountains, city, beach, or the forest? THE MOUNTAINS!!! Particularly in the woods IN the mountains! Are you closer to your mother’s or father’s side of the family? Mom's. I don't even remember anyone from Dad's. Have you ever been in a “perfect relationship”? I thought so. Have you ever lost a fingernail or toenail? No. Were you a Disney or Nickelodeon kid? I preferred Disney. Have you ever been inside a jail/prison? No, and I don't plan on it. Have you ever dated a guy with a beard, mustache, or goatee? Jason had a goatee usually. He'd go clean-shaven sometimes. Did you ever name your stuffed animals? I named every single one I got as a kid. Now I don't, really, unless they're really special. What’s the name of the person who cuts your hair? I'd rather not share, given her name is very unique. Do you like cheeseburgers? Yes, they're one of my favorite foods. Do you have a Flickr? Yes, but I don't use it anymore. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Do you drink milk? Yeah, I love milk. Where was your FB display pic taken? My room. Have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? If so, what on? Yeah; white rice. My dumb ass didn't realize it had JUST come off the stove. My tongue hurt literally for weeks. Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? No. Do you own any CLOTHES from Victoria’s Secret? Er, are undergarments not clothes? But I know what you mean. No. What are your grandfathers’ names? William and... I can't remember Dad's dad's name. Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Well yeah. Are you against seances? I don't know if I believe in them being effective, but either way, they seem like a bad idea. Even risking luring a negative energy/spirit to you is something I'd stay away from. Do you own any superhero shirts? No, just Harley Quinn ones, some with the Joker on them, too. I need to toss 'em though because I am like, violently against romanticizing their abusive relationship. I used to just like them as a story character couple, but I got to a place where it just seemed... wrong to "glorify" it by wearing merch and stuff. What band has the best guitar solos? Metallica, durrrr. Who is the biggest jerk you’ve ever met? Can you believe that would be my former best friend? Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I've never had an animal in my path. Have you ever grown your own herbs? No. Do you like kissing in public? If you're my serious s/o, I could care less, so long as it's a simple peck. I'm not making out in front of people. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don't know. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I don't know. I'm lonely and love feels amazing, but I need to get my life on track before I can be a good partner to someone and not just dead weight. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Huh, funny, he's the one that walked away. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Uhhh that would depend on how serious we are, where we are, and just what mood I'm in. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? ugh What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? also ugh What’s your dirtiest secret? TMI AHEAD. Probably receiving oral while bare-ass naked on the chaise in the living room while we were home alone. Or having sex in my sister’s bed. Oops. Would you ever get lyrics tattooed on yourself? Yeah. I already do, anyway, and I plan on getting another. Can you photoshop images well? I'm decent at it. Where did you last drive to? Mom and I went to go get our Covid vaccines today. What’s the first verse of the last song you listened to? "I don't know what we're supposed to be, but I know we lost it along the way to something better, something so much more than pleasure that we seek, so blind inside to fill these holes left by these lies that we tell to ourselves as we manufacture our own hell." What do you hear right now? The aforementioned song: "BLACKOUT" by 3TEETH. What was the last thing you laughed about? This is so fucking immature lmao but when we were driving earlier, we passed a gas station that had a sign that was advertising Coke, but due to space limitations, it abbreviated to "2 liter Cok" and I cackled like a child. Mom laughed harder than I did. Do you know any gay people personally? Ye. What was the last thing that startled you? I think it was a car hoonking at somebody the other day. What was the last thing to make you even remotely sad? Today's been a kind of rough PTSD day thanks to Facebook. My old high school friend had her beautiful daughter, a childhood friend just got married the other day, another friend is due to have her baby in just a couple weeks... It's just weird but even more painful to know it was the life I once fantasized about with a guy that just dropped me and made a break for it. I hate admitting that there's this deep, deep bitterness in me about it, like he took my life away from me, even though that's of course very unfair to say. I don't want to talk about this anymore, so moving on with my day.

[isnotys]

Cruel Summer Pt 2

Summary: After a stressful couple of months, the twins, Emma and you decide to take a well-deserved trip to a Caribbean island. However, it’s not all that peaceful because your more-than-obvious crush on Grayson is making you lose your marbles.

Warnings: anger (?)

Part 1

I didn’t even think twice about it, I couldn’t. Otherwise, I’d say no.

We didn’t even go to our rooms to get anything, I had my phone and wallet with me and he had his, that’s pretty much all we needed. So we just took a cab downtown, and when we arrived at the town square, there were a few tents. We decided to stop there and have a nice breakfast and look around. We got off the taxi and Grayson grabbed my hand, as if I was gonna get lost. It was a possibility because we turned our phones off, that way we could explore the city without Ethan trying to make it about himself and how he was being left out. He can be a bit of a drama queen. 

Our first stop was a farmers market. They had pretty much everything here. Grayson’s face lit up when he saw all the avocados they had, it was really endearing.

“Look! They have so many avocados here! We should move here, y/n!” 

“Because they have avocados?” He appreciates the simplest detail in everything, it’s so adorable.

“No, because they have beautiful beaches AND a lot of avocados,” he is practically yelling out of excitement. It’s kind of contagious. He smiles and scrunches his nose in the cutest way possible. He might be a huge, grown man, but he's such a soft boy. 

I smile at him as if I can’t believe a human could ever be so perfect. I can’t hide anything, so I just say, “well it did say that Rincón was all about the beaches.”

He laughs a little and looks at me, staring at me deeply like he was reading something he didn’t understand. I feel my face burning and again, not because of the sun. His large muscles make him look sort of intimidating, but the way he just smiles at the simplest things or laughs ridiculously loud, lets you know that he’s just a big goofy teddy bear. The love I feel for this man begins to be a weight I can no longer carry. It’s not even about his irresistible lips, his sexy beard, his breathtaking eyes, his contagious smile, his Hemsworth-like figure, it’s not even about all that. Though he looks perfect on the outside, he’s even more beautiful on the inside. He’s so kind, caring and passionate about everything he does. He really wants to make a positive change in this world, and boy, I’ve never laughed so hard until I met him. He’s so much more than he lets people see and I love that. I’ve always thought that it’s good to be underestimated and he’s sort of the embodiment of that. I’m about to say something when the server calls out his name. Our order was ready. 

When he comes back with our food, my bravery is gone and he hands me the most appetizing açai bowl I have ever seen. Colorful, fresh fruit as a topping with crunchy granola and a touch of Nutella because it can’t all be healthy. No Nutella for him, obviously because he's dairy-free and that’s, “way too unhealthy.”

After eating, he wanted to try the smoothies because they’re made from fresh fruits that were displayed right there on the table. 

The center of the town square, which was in front of a cathedral,  had a few huts made from concrete where there were more vendors. They had all kinds of stuff; from food to jewelry, to books. It was a really cool place to explore on this beautiful day.

Grayson was looking all around after getting his smoothie, he seems really excited to be discovering this new place. He did say he wanted to travel more and this is the perfect place. No one knows who he is here, so we’re just peacefully walking around. Also, these beaches are perfect for surfing. He looks like he’s trying to soak it all in. His face is a little red from all the sun he’s been exposed to and his tanned muscles are glowing under this sun. At least he’s wearing a shirt this time otherwise, there’s no way I would be able to keep it together. 

“This island is so pretty and the food so far has been great.” You can barely see his eyes because he’s smiling so big. Who would ever be able to stay in a bad mood being around him?

I break out of my trance-like state to say, “Yes, you really seem to be enjoying yourself here Gray.”

“I am. It’s really nice to get away from all the negative energy and just be outside. To really enjoy life with great people, that’s what I always wanted.” He smiles and playfully shoulders me.

“It really shows that you're in a different state of mind now.”

“Yes, change is good, even if it’s scary. Especially after all that has happened in the last few years. It’s just nice to feel free for once.”

“There’s my favorite Gray, Cheesy Gray!”

“Don't make fun of me y/n!” 

“No, I'm not making fun of you, Grayson! I know exactly what you mean. The last few years have been difficult for all of us, in different ways. It’s just so refreshing that you always remain so positive and kind and mature through all of it.” For the first time, I felt like I could actually breathe around him and be honest about what I was feeling.

“You know what? No more dwelling on the past, peaches.” He finished his smoothie and held out his hand for me to take it.

I took it and he lead the way to the shops that were nearby. 

We spent the next few hours of window shopping. All the stores were very, um. surf centric so to speak; selling bikinis, surfboards, wet suits, and with a few crystals here and there. After walking around well into the afternoon, we decided to go into this restaurant called Boca’s, which means mouth in Spanish, apparently. That doesn't make much sense, but I thought it was interesting. 

Over the course of what I’d call a very late lunch, and not that early dinner, we had the most amazing ~dairy free~ brick oven pizza. 

He looked all serious at me with those piercing hazel-green eyes and asked, “So what’s with you lately? You’ve been skipping out on a lot of our hangouts and that’s not only painful because you are leaving me to be the third wheel, makes me feel that there’s something wrong. You certainly hangout with Emma a lot. I don't know, it just seems like you are avoiding us, or me?”

I swear to the Almighty Taylor Swift that my heart dropped to my ass and my hands were sweating so much I could fill a glass. I’m sure Grayson could read the expression on my face, my eyes were open wide with fear and my face was as red as the lobster people were eating on the table next to us.

“Listen, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Ugh, you’re just so damn difficult to read, y/n.” He says clearly frustrated. “Is it that you’re dating someone. Is that why you’ve been keeping your distance?”

I need to say something now before I really get myself into some trouble here. “Look, Grayson,” I say trying to keep my voice steady and a straight face, “I’m fine and I don’t have anything against either of you two and I’m definitely not dating anyone, not that that’s relevant to this particular issue. Yes, I am a little awkward, but I have known Emma a lot longer than I’ve known you guys and I was a little hesitant to come on this trip because I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. After all, you don't know me that well and I know you guys hesitate to let people into your lives because you’ve been burned before. As have I.”

He looks down and even disappointed. I am so confused, what more does he want? For me to be a 100% honest and make this friendship more awkward than it already is? So we then end up complete strangers and I have to live the rest of my existence not being able to have Grayson Dolan in my life?

Not a chance. 

“Ok, you know what? You might be right, but I still see you as a close friend. You can trust me and even though Emma has been my friend for longer than you, I trust you just as much.” He says as he looks outside. He seems a little pissed off and I can’t figure out why. I’ve been following him around all day, now I’m the one who’s getting pissed off. What more does he want? He suddenly speaks again, “let’s go we’re gonna miss the sunset.” He pays for the food and we take a cab to the lighthouse that’s a few minutes away.

He doesn't say anything during the short drive and I don't either. I’m mad too, I don't know why, but I am. The ride there though quiet is breathtaking. The sun has begun to set and the sky is overtaken by a bright orange that we can see through the palm trees. As well as, the sea peeking through the huge, beautiful houses. 

We made it to the lighthouse and walked around a bit. 

“We should take some pics for Instagram, y/n.” Grayson says after what felt years of silence.

“Ok.” I said. I step under an archway made out of branches so he takes the photo. 

“You look pretty.” He whispers as he hands me the phone to take his photo. I blush and then die a little on the inside. 

After taking his picture, he puts his arm around me so we can take a selfie. I smile and try to play it cool. This boy needs to chill or I’m gonna lose it. 

We were looking into the water after taking a few pics and he says, “There has to be a way we can get to the beach below without jumping off of that cliff. Which I’m not completely opposed to, but I know you won't do it.”

“Well, I’d like to survive to see another sunset. Though this one is beautiful enough to be my last one.”

“You try to be so deep sometimes. As if I don't already know you're a writer.” He teases and laughs with his big goofy smile, I could die right here from how cute he is. 

“I saw a gate when we came in, I think we can sneak in through it.” I don't let him even start talking and I grab his hand. I wish I was this brave all the time. 

We sneak in through the gate and we get to the beach. We take off our shoes and I feel the warm sand between my toes. That calming sound of waves crashing in the background and admire the last few rays of sun peeking through the horizon. 

Grayson grabs my hand out of nowhere and asks, “So why aren't you dating anyone? I want an honest answer, no more bs.”

I don't dare look at him, but I say, “I am too much of a Rachel Berry and not everyone is willing to put up with that.”

“I’m not sure what that means, but I know that that’s not just it.” He says as he grabs my face, ever so gently. At this point I am so mad that he keeps insisting and asking and pushing, but also very short of breath so I just snap. 

“I love you!!! Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” I scream at the top of my lungs, pushing him away. Thank goodness there aren’t many people on this beach. 

He looks up at me, grinning like a devil. 

He then grabs me by the waist and kisses me slowly, but firmly. I place my hands on his neck and he smiles while he kisses me and pushes me closer to him. His hands play with my hair as he deepens the kiss and the pink sky turns darker and darker. I feel a warm feeling in my chest that spreads through my body. After all this time, I finally feel at ease and I’m exactly where I belong, in his arms. 

The End

[apparentlynotreallyfinnish]

Incognito - part 4

If you missed them, you can read the first three parts here.

---

Link’s house was dark and quiet. He sat on the couch. He’d turned the TV off a while ago. Trying to do anything felt useless; he couldn’t concentrate. So, he just sat in the darkness and ached.

Rhett’s expression haunted him. He’d never seen him so small or so hurt. But at least with that, Link’s panicked thoughts about their friendship being a sham were effectively proven wrong. Rhett obviously loved him. But did he love him? And if he did, how could they go on from that?

Rhett had called him, multiple times. Link wanted to talk to him. He needed the sounding board that Rhett usually was for him. But he couldn’t pick up. How could he talk this through with him without hurting his feelings even more?

Link’s phone lit up again. He picked it up expecting it to be either a text or a call from Rhett, but it was a notification from Incognito. Link sighed and tapped on it. He’d gotten a third match and match number two had sent him an unsolicited dick pic. Link cocked an eyebrow at the photo. It wasn’t a very good one, and neither was the subject of the photo. He blocked the user. There was also a message from Mr. Paddleboard – Rhett.

PaddleBoardMe: Talk to me.

Link groaned and was about to click away from the app when another message popped up.

PaddleBoardMe: Talk to me like I’m not me. Like I’m a stranger. I know you. You are overthinking this thing right now and talking it out would help. You obviously can’t talk to Rhett right now. Talk to me.

Link stared into the darkness of his living room for a while. His first reaction was to scoff and tell Rhett he was being ridiculous. But when he thought about it more, he realized Rhett was right. This might work. It was worth a try at least. Anything was worth a try at this point.

BlueEyes78: So, guess what happened today?

PaddleBoardMe: What?

BlueEyes78: I found out that my best friend has been lying to me.

PaddleBoardMe: I’m sorry to hear that. Are you sure he’s been lying?

BlueEyes78: Well, it’s not like I’ve ever outright asked him if he likes men. Never occurred to me he might. But I do feel like not telling me is a lie.

PaddleBoardMe: Fair point. Did you tell him?

BlueEyes78: Did I tell him what?

PaddleBoardMe: Did you tell him you like men?

Link frowned at the screen. Of course, Rhett knew he hadn’t told him. So, he had to be calling Link out. He was saying that Link shouldn’t be so mad, because he’d done exactly the same thing. But it wasn’t the same. Right?

BlueEyes78: I would’ve told him. Soon.

PaddleBoardMe: Really?

Link stopped to stare at the screen. He wanted to write ‘yes, definitely’, but if he was totally honest with himself that was probably a lie.

BlueEyes78: Yeah, okay. I’m not sure I would’ve told him.

PaddleBoardMe: Why? 

Link’s fingers hovered above his screen. Why wouldn’t have he told Rhett? He’d never really properly examined his apprehension. He just knew something was stopping him.

BlueEyes78: I guess I was scared.

PaddleBoardMe: What were you scared of?

BlueEyes78: His reaction? Something changing between us.

PaddleBoardMe: Do you mean you were scared that he might abandon you because of it?

Link’s stomach dropped. Just reading those words chilled him to his core. That was not the reason. His mind couldn’t even conjure up a scenario where Rhett would have ended their friendship because of a confession like that.

BlueEyes78: No. It’s hard for me to believe he’d do that to me.

PaddleBoardMe: Good. I would have been offended if you did.

BlueEyes78: Rhett

PaddleBoardMe: Sorry. Okay, so what do you mean then?

Link sighed. He didn’t know.

PaddleBoardMe: Okay, if that’s too hard of a question to answer now, can you at least tell me how long you’ve known?

BlueEyes78: That you’re Rhett?

PaddleBoardMe: No. That you’re attracted to men.

BlueEyes78: Not long. Well. I’ve kind of known for a while but I just… It was hard to accept.

PaddleBoardMe: I can relate.

Link couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him. Why hadn’t they just told each other? None of this app business wouldn’t have ever happened and things would be fine between them.

BlueEyes78: Yeah, I guess. Have you known for long?

PaddleBoardMe: A few years.

BlueEyes78: Years?!

Link let the phone drop on the couch and got up. He’d thought that maybe this was fairly new for Rhett too. Maybe few months, six at the most. But years?! He’d been lying to Link for years. Sneaking around with guys behind Link’s back. Getting fucked by strangers when… No! Link shook his head and refused to finish the thought. He was definitely not jealous. He was definitely not thinking Rhett should have never been fucked by anyone else except him.

PaddleBoardMe: I’m sorry. Just being honest.

Link stared at the message. A short laugh forced its way out.

BlueEyes78: Did you just seriously quote our song to me?

PaddleBoardMe: Oh! I didn’t mean to!

PaddleBoardMe: But that’s actually kind of hilarious.

Link smiled. He could imagine Rhett sitting on his bed, head whipped back, laughing that booming laugh of his that always made Link’s insides tingle. Link suddenly felt warm and soft.

BlueEyes78: Hey, Rhett?

PaddleBoardMe: I’m not Rhett.

BlueEyes78: No, just be Rhett, okay? Why didn’t you tell me?

There was a long pause. Link wondered if Rhett had just closed the app. Maybe he’d decided not to answer. Or maybe he was on his way here? The thought made Link’s heartbeat quicken. What if Rhett came here? What he just walked in and they continued the act that he was someone else…? Link swallowed and with considerable self-restraint didn’t continue on that path of thinking. His phone lit up.

PaddleBoardMe: Because I love you.

Link frowned. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

BlueEyes78: That makes no sense. You didn’t tell me because you love me? Aren’t these kinds of things usually shared with loved ones? 

PaddleBoardMe: No, Link. Isn’t it obvious? I didn’t tell you because I’m IN love with you.

There it was—confirmation. Link’s breath caught. With trembling fingers, he wrote.

BlueEyes78: I need a minute.

Link closed the app. He put away the phone and took off his glasses. His palms pressed into his eyes hard enough to make him see stars. Rhett was in love with him. Link’s heart was racing. A smile crept on his face. Rhett is in love with me.

His hands dropped and he hugged himself tightly. It felt like he had to hold on to himself; like he was disintegrating. It felt like he was being broken to pieces and put back together again – everything all at once. He felt dizzy and exhilarated.

“Rhett’s in love with me,” he whispered, smiling like a madman.

Wasn’t this exactly the thing he’d been afraid of? If it was, why was he suddenly so insanely happy?

Because you’re in love with him too, you idiot.

Am I?

He was. Suddenly, it was as clear as day. He was in love with Rhett. He was in love with his laughter. He was in love with his humor. He was in love with the tenderness he treated everyone around him. He was in love with those long limbs that Rhett so gently kept in check, trying hard not to let his large presence scare anyone. He was in love with his kind eyes and his soft beard and that mole that hid beneath it. He was in love with the way Rhett looked at him as he spoke, like Link was the only other person that existed. He was in love with his best friend. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t be in love with Rhett. That was the worst possible option. His mood sank as quickly as it had lifted. Loving Rhett like that was not an option. That kind of love would end eventually and when it did, he’d lose Rhett. Link sighed. He knew what he had to do, but it pained him to know. He put on his glasses and picked up his phone. He had to put an end to this. He had to save their friendship.

BlueEyes78: I’m sorry.

PaddleBoardMe: What are you sorry about?

BlueEyes78: We can’t be together like that.

PaddleBoardMe: I know. Don’t worry. It’s okay.

BlueEyes78: I get that it hurts. I don’t want to do this, but it just isn’t an option.

PaddleBoardMe: I get it. Don’t worry about me. I’ve been living with this for years. I’m gonna be fine.

Link’s eyes filled with tears. Rhett didn’t get it. Rhett thought it was because Link didn’t feel the same way about him. But that would be better. It would be easier for him to move on if Link never told him.

BlueEyes78: Are we gonna be okay?

PaddleBoardMe: Always.

BlueEyes78: And I’m sorry about the whole sexting thing.

PaddleBoardMe: You know what? I’m not. I mean I’m sorry it’s obviously making you uncomfortable. But I kinda like the idea I got to be with you once. Even though I didn’t know it was you.

BlueEyes78: Well, consider it my gift to you. You’re not getting anything for Christmas now.

PaddleBoardMe: Me making you cum is definitely the best Christmas present you’ve ever given me.

BlueEyes78: Rhett

PaddleBoardMe: Sorry. That was a bad joke. I know it’s a bit fucked up. But this whole situation is a bit fucked up.

BlueEyes78: I’m so sorry.

PaddleBoardMe: Stop apologizing. I promise on Monday everything is gonna go back to normal.

BlueEyes78: Promise?

PaddleBoardMe: I promise. You won’t even know anything weird happened. I love you. As a brother.

Link almost threw his phone into a wall. The words cut him like a knife. This is what you wanted. Deal with it. Do it for him. Do it for the years and years you get to spend together now.

BlueEyes78: I love you too. As a brother.

It was like the words were written in his heart’s blood. Link gasped for air. He had to do it. He had to just learn to bear this pain. That was the only way he could keep Rhett forever.

PaddleBoardMe: See you on Monday. Have a nice weekend.

BlueEyes78: You too.

Link closed the app and tilted down on the couch. The phone slipped from his fingers and dropped on the rug. He tugged his knees against his chest and fought to keep the pieces of him from falling.   

[destiel-love-forever]

The Set-Up

In Claire and Jack Novak's opinion, it's been far too long since their dad went out on a date. Castiel Novak doesn't think it's an issue. His children disagree.

So, they make a plan.

Enter a dating app, a fake profile, and an unsuspecting Dean Winchester. What could go wrong?

Read Below or on AO3: The Set-Up

The Set-Up

The plan is simple. Only 3 steps.

Stage One: Make the dating profile.

The first thing the app asks is what picture or pictures they’d like to include. Claire wants the picture to be more on the attractive side, while Jack thinks it should be goofy. They decide to add three in order to cover all the bases. The first is of their dad when they went on a hike last month. He’s wearing that light blue shirt that makes his eyes bright. It was a weekend, so his stubble is grown in. The smile on his face is carefree, showing off his dimples and eye wrinkles. They both agree that he’s handsome - even sexy, if it were possible for their dad to be sexy - and use that as his main photo. The second picture is of their dad at an outdoor concert. He’s wearing his blackRebel With A Cause shirt and his sock monkey winter hat with the strings hanging down. The third is a picture of the three of them at the ocean. Uncle Gabriel had taken the photo just after a huge wave knocked them over, so everyone’s hair is all over the place. They’re standing together haphazardly, arms wrapped around each other so they can smile for the picture. You can practically hear the laughter.

“Perfect,” Claire announces, clapping her hands together after this part is done. “Now they see he’s a hot, goofy, single dad.”

“Do we want them to know the single dad part?” Jack asks nervously.

“Uh, duh! This isn’t Tinder, Jack. This is looking for a long-term thing. I think it’d be a little hard to do that while keeping his sixteen-year-old twin teenagers a secret.”

Jack shrugs, unable to argue. He clicks the NEXT button and they continue filling out the profile. It takes them thirty-four minutes, and a lot of arguing. It’s a relief when they finally submit it.

“Now what?” Jack asks as they stare at the finished profile.

“Now,” Claire pauses dramatically, giving Jack a crazed smile that makes him wonder if this plan was actually a good idea. “We wait.”

----

When Dean gets home from work after pulling a double-shift, he grabs a cold beer from the fridge and plops down on the couch. He kicks his feet up and turns on the TV to watch the football game that’s about to start. As the announcers go back and forth on what team is going to win, Dean starts messing around on his phone. His thumb hovers over the dating app Sam convinced him to install last week. He hasn’t looked at it since the first night. It’s not that he doesn’t want to find someone, he’d love to, but it’s such a time-consuming process.

After glancing up at the TV to see that there’s still ten minutes before kick-off, he figures he might as well scroll through the thing. What’s the harm in looking? It might even be entertaining.

Case in point: The first profile Dean sees is of a man maybe ten years older than him with a black Santa beard, who has wrapped himself in a strange-looking rainbow towel and is holding what looks like a pet mouse. Dean doesn’t even read the description of that one.

The next isn’t terrible. A younger guy with a cute smile. Dean rolls his eyes when he reads the blurb on the guy's profile. Every achievement in his life is written out for Dean to read - from winning his highschool talent show to getting a masters in business. He then lays out his dating history, in which each situation he was the victim.

Next.

Dean's breath catches when he flicks his thumb to a picture of an absolutely beautiful man. He's standing on what looks like the top of the mountain, grinning at the camera. Despite the hiking clothes and messy, sweaty hair, he still manages to be Dean's wet dream.

Holding his breath, Dean starts to read the blurb on this guy's - Castiel, Age 38 - profile. He's praying this guy doesn't suck like all the others.

I'm a freelance photographer, a terrible singer, and have a set of 16-year-old twins that make my world chaotic. When my kiddos graduate I plan on doing a lot of traveling. My Hogwarts house is Hufflepuff - yeah I'm a 38-year-old man who cares about his Hogwarts house, fight me - and my patronus is a guinea pig. I'm allergic to guinea pigs though, so not sure what that says about me. Message at your own risk if none of that scares you off.

Dean reads the paragraph two more times, grinning like an idiot. He scrolls through the rest of the pictures, each one sporting an equally good looking Castiel, and decides this one is worth a shot.

He opens up the chat feature but then his thumbs freeze. What does he even say? He rereads Castiel's paragraph before typing out what he hopes will be a response the guy likes.

Dean spends the rest of the game checking the app every two minutes. When he finally gets the checkmark that Castiel read it, he holds his breath and stares at the screen. Then it tells him Castiel is typing. Dean's heart races. He decides it'd be a good idea to grab another beer while he waits.

This Castiel guy has him feeling like a damn teenager again. If Dean's being honest, he kind of missed that.

----

"Dad got a new message!"

"Oh god, is it another creeper?" Jack asks, hurrying over to where his sister is sitting on the couch. It's a valid question. They've had some real wackjobs message their dad. One asked upfront for a dick pic. Another told him he'd like to bring him on a walk in the forest at night. Suffice to say, those got deleted.

"No, he's hot!" Claire grins at Jack, showing him a picture of a very handsome man that looks to be a little younger than their dad. He has kind green eyes and a warm smile. The picture shows him at what seems to be a barbecue, people blurred in the background as he stands there wearing a faded flannel and holding a beer. Relaxed. Casual. Not full of himself.

"What's his profile say?"

Claire clicks on the button that makes the profile blurb pop up and read out loud, "I'm a pretty laid back guy, but I still squeeze in adventures every once in a while. Nothing's better than a lazy Sunday on the couch watching football - though kayaking down the river is a close second. If those kinds of things sound good to you, feel free to message me."

"He sounds good," Jack muses.

"Good? How about great. He's perfect. I mean, dad isn't a huge football fan, but he could read a book or something as they cuddle! And dad loves kayaking and stuff like that."

Jack lifts his hands. "I'm sorry. You're right. He sounds great. What does his message say?"

After a second, Claire reads, "Your chaos doesn't scare me. Life should be messy after all, right? Plus, I don't own any guinea pigs, so we're batting a thousand so far. Look at us go - and then a wink face."

"He's funny. That's good! Dad needs to laugh more."

"Dad needs to do what?" Castiel asks, strolling into the living room while looking at his twins suspiciously.

"Oh. Uh." Claire and Jack exchange a look. Then Claire says, "Sleep more. We were just talking about how you're always up late and up early. You need to relax more."

Castiel chuckles. "I'll keep that in mind. Don't worry about your old man, kiddos. I'm fine."

As Castiel flips through the channels on the TV, Claire leans in to whisper in Jack's ear. "He's not fine, but he will be." She shows him the message she sent back to Dean, grinning mischievously.

"Stage two?" Jack asks in excitement.

"Stage two."

Stage Two: Arrange a meeting.

After seven messages stretched over 36 hours, Dean asks if they can meet. He suggests something low key and public, making a joke about serial killers, and Castiel (A.K.A. Claire and Jack) says he knows just the place. They agree on grabbing some coffee on Saturday morning at a little cafe downtown. Ten A.M.

That gives the twins sixteen hours to get their dad to that cafe at that particular time. Unsuspecting, of course.

Stage Three: Get dad to the cafe.

They ambush him at dinner. Claire starts - she’s usually the one to take the reins. Even as a toddler, she was the troublemaker of the two.

“So, dad. What are you doing tomorrow morning?”

Castiel, always very perceptive, pauses halfway through cutting his steak and looks up at his daughter. His eyebrows pull in. “Nothing… that I know of.”

“Perfect! We want to hang out with you.”

“Excuse me?” Castiel looks at Jack, then back at Claire, highly suspicious. “You want to hang out? With me? On a Saturday?” He looks at each of them again. “Without me telling you you have to?”

Jack steps in. “School starts in a week. I’ll be busy with football and student council, and Claire will be busy with dance and drama. We just wanted to spend a little extra time with you.”

Wanting to make this sound a bit more realistic - because they’re teenagers after all - Claire adds, “And we were kiiiiiind of hoping you’d bring us clothes shopping for back to school, too.”

“Ahh, there it is. The motive.” Castiel winks at his kids. “Fine. We can go school clothes shopping.”

“And coffee!” Jack adds enthusiastically.

“Coffee?”

Claire shoots her brother a look for shouting that at their dad instead of being more subtle, then smiles at Castiel and says, “Well, that’s what we wanted to do first. Get coffees and then go shopping.”

“You don’t have to bribe me, kiddos. I’ll take you shopping.”

“It’s not a bribe,” Jack states firmly.

“Yeah. It’s a thing.” Claire shrugs a shoulder. “It’s very New York City. Everyone’s been doing it.”

“Doing what?” Castiel asks, slightly exasperated.

“Getting coffees. It’s way cooler than stupid stuff like bowling or the movies.”

Jack nods. “It’s more sophisticated. Grown-up.”

This makes Castiel smile. “Okay. Grown-up coffee date it is.”

----

Castiel sighs as they walk into the coffee shop. It’s been a morning of overbearing children. First, he planned on letting them sleep-in this morning. What teenagers don’t want to sleep-in on Saturday, a week before they go back to school? Apparently Castiel’s. They made it clear they needed to get their coffee by 10 AM, because the mall opens at 11 and they don’t want to have to wait in lines.

Then what Castiel wanted to wear - old jeans and a hooded sweatshirt - was apparently not cool enough for them, whatever that means. They talked him into his nice pair of dark jeans and a soft grey sweater that’s thin enough for the lingering warmth of summer.

As he started driving them to Starbucks, he was quickly directed downtown instead. His kids love Starbucks. At least, they used to. Now it’s apparently not what everyone is doing. It’s not New York City - something they both keep saying, even though Castiel is clueless what New York has to do with anything.

Now they’re in the coffee shop, and Castiel is sent to get himself coffee while Claire and Jack go talk to a friend. They say they’ll be back in a minute, telling Castiel to just go sit. When he offers to get them their coffees, they both nearly shout at him not to before stuttering something about not being sure what they want yet.

Castiel gets his Americano and slumps down at a table in the corner. He pulls his phone out and opens the chat for Gabriel. He’s the coolest person Castiel knows - which sort of hurts the soul to admit.

Castiel: Do you know what it means for something to be ‘So New York City’? And since when is Starbucks not cool?

"Excuse me?" Castiel puts his phone down and glances up at the man who just spoke to him. He's taken aback. Not only is the man gorgeous - dressed in black jeans and a faded denim-colored button-up shirt that has the top few buttons left open, with a charming smile that involves the prettiest pink lips Castiel has ever seen, a dusting of freckles, and green eyes that feel like they could see into his soul - but he's also standing extremely close to Castiel. Like, if Castiel were to stand up, they'd be chest to chest.

Castiel clears his throat and awkwardly says, "Uh, hey. Can I help you?"

The guy stares at him for a few seconds, then his gorgeous smile fades. "You're Castiel, right?"

"Right." Castiel scans the cafe, confused. "I'm sorry, have we met?"

"Seriously?"

"Well - yes."

The guy huffs, clearly angry now. "I'm Dean."

"Okay." Castiel scratches the back of his head and laughs nervously. "Well, hi Dean. Can I help you with something?"

"Great. I knew you were too good to be true. Just had to be a fucking dick." Dean turns to leave before spinning back around and glaring at Castiel. "Why even show up? Why keep messaging me? Seriously. What the hell is this?"

Now Castiel is really confused. "Messaging you? I'm sorry, sir. I have no idea-" his eyes travel past Dean's shoulder, catching sight of Jack and Claire trying to hide behind a bookshelf. "Oh, Jesus christ."

"What?" Dean growls.

Castiel laughs softly. That's all he can do in this situation. He's so shocked that his kids pulled this off that he can't even be pissed right now. He's sure that will come later, though.

"Let me guess. We met on a dating app or website."

"Dude, what is this? Is this some sort of fucking game?"

"No. Unfortunately, it is not." Castiel points at his twins, who look terrified. When Dean sees them, Castiel explains. "Apparently my pain in the ass teenagers didn't want to accept my I don't want to date right now. I'm assuming they're who you've been talking to."

Dean stares at them before turning to look at Castiel with wide eyes. "You know, it was written on your profile that they create chaos in your life. I was forewarned. Just had no idea I was going to be a part of their troublemaking."

"Okay, I need to see this profile now." Castiel laughs, trying to imagine what his kids would have put. "Can I buy you coffee as an apology?"

"An apology?" Dean scoffs, stepping closer to him so he can speak in a lower voice. "You're not getting out of this one, blue eyes. I'm on their side. You and I are on a date right now."

"We most certainly are not."

Dean winks at him. Winks! "I'm gonna grab myself a coffee. You just stay there."

"But-"

"Need anything? Muffin? Refill?"

"I - but - no." Castiel wipes a hand down his face, suddenly nervous. He's on a date. He's not ready for a date. He doesn't have topics prepared in case the conversation lulls. He didn't ask Gabriel what to do or say in every possible scenario.

Before Castiel can panic further, Dean is back. He puts a gentle hand on Castiel's shoulder and pushes him until he's sitting in his chair, then goes to the opposite side of the table to sit across from him. His grin is even wider than it was when they first spoke. That was a sexy, but nervous Dean. This is a confident, amused Dean.

Great.

"So, Castiel. Let's get a few things straight. Is your patronus really a guinea pig? And how exactly does one get themselves sorted into Hufflepuff?"

Castiel groans. What other embarrassing stuff has his children told this man? He looks over at where Jack and Claire or clearly spying on them from across the cafe. He narrows his eyes and mouths you two are dead while doing a line across his throat with his finger.

When he turns to look at Dean again, the guy is laughing. He's loving this.

"First of all," Castiel begins, letting a large amount of sass into his tone. "If we’re going to try this, you aren’t allowed to bash Hufflepuff. What’s your house anyway?”

“Gryffindor,” Dean states proudly.

Castiel rolls his eyes. “Cliche.”

“Uh, I can’t help that that’s my house!”

“Did you take the official test?” Dean doesn’t even have to answer. The look on his face and the way his eyes awkwardly dart to the side give him away. Castiel points an accusing finger at him. “Exactly. So you’re one of those wannabe Harry Potter guys. No giving me shit for being Hufflepuff until you take the test too, asshole.”

Dean laughs softly, looking at Castiel with eyes that practically sparkle. “Alright. Fair enough.”

“Second of all, that right there?” Castiel points a finger at his twins, then at Dean. “Not cool. Not cool. You’re on team dad if you come around. No joining those two to gang up on me.”

The smirk Dean gives Castiel makes it pretty damn clear this rule isn’t going to be followed, even though he says, “Of course.”

Lucky for Dean, Castiel’s already hooked on this man. He’s laid back. Good looking. Funny. Charming. It’s easy for them to talk and tease each other. He’s making Castiel laugh for the first time in a long time. Plus, he already passed the crazy teenager test. If this guy can handle the fact that he was tricked by the twins to come here on a blind date with their dorky, uncooperative dad, then Castiel can give him a chance.

“What’s number three?” Dean asks.

“Huh?”

“There was a first of all. Then a second of all.” Dean puts his elbows on the table and leans closer to Castiel, almost like they’re sharing secrets. “What’s the third of all?”

“Umm,” Castiel looks at his coffee, feeling himself blush. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t blushed in years. “Third of all - ummm.”

“Can I do the third of all?”

Castiel tilts his head, looking at Dean in curiosity. “Sure.”

“Great.” Dean licks his lips, eyes flicking down to Castiel’s own mouth. When he looks back up at Castiel, it looks like he wants to eat him alive. “I'm bringing you to dinner tonight so we can have a proper first date. One where your two goofballs aren't spying on us."

Castiel turns around, laughing when he sees that Jack and Claire have moved closer now, trying to hide behind an open menu that barely covers one of their faces, let alone two. He looks back and Dean and smiles. "Dinner tonight sounds perfect."

[timelock97]

Love Without A Name

Prologue: One Date Too Many

Word Count: 1991

Masterlist

Warnings: Language, sexual references

A/N: Tom does not PHYSICALLY show up for a few chapters, he is in here, just not how you think at first. ENJOY!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I shift my bag back into the crook of my arm, mail pressed against my chest with my right hand while I flip my keys around my fingers of my left. An 'ah-ha' falls past my lips as the apartment key lands between my thumb and index finger, shoving it into the lock and turning. The door bangs against the wall as I walk in, a sheepish smile falling across my lips as I mumble a silent 'sorry' for no one but myself. I use the heel of my shoe to grip the bottom of the door, shutting it behind me on my way to the too small kitchen to dump the contents of my arms onto the counter. "Fuck!" my hand flies from my chest, mail scattering to the floor in the process of me rescuing my keys before they fall too far into the nearby sink and into the garbage disposal. I let out a sigh of relief before muttering, "Why are you such a mess, (Y/N)?"

The sound of a small meow and bell causes a smile to appear on my face. Turning, I spy my small, calico cat beelining for my legs, coiling between them and rubbing against my scrub clad calves. "Hey there, Phoebe, how's my baby?" I coo as I move away from the counter and finish shrugging off my winter coat and scarf that were damp from the early winter weather. I listen as she purrs loudly around my ankles before I turn to lean down and pick up the scattered mail on the floor, only to giggle when the calico nuzzles my hand with her head, begging for attention.

Setting the mail back on the counter, I reach back inside my bag that is haphazardly leaning on the counter I rummage inside until my fingers brush against my phone. A message illuminates the screen, a confirmation text for my date with my latest Tinder match. "Maybe this'll be the one, huh Phoebes?" I turn my head and look at the cat at my feet before padding down the hall and typing out a quick response to "Luke" telling him I couldn't wait. Honestly though, first dates were the absolute worst when you barely know the person.

The plum dress hugged my body perfectly, showing off my natural curves. I stood outside the usual bar waiting for my date with Tinder open on my phone in one hand while my other hand fiddled with the buttons on my black wool coat. Glancing at my phone for the umpteenth time, I notice that the time he and I had agreed on had ticked past about a half hour ago, and my nose was starting to go numb from standing outside in the cold.

With a huff, I typed a quick message that I would be waiting inside at the bar for him before I waltzed in through the door and to my usual place.

"Another date, (Y/N)?" The bartender, Sam, asks as she pours a drink for a small group of people at the opposite end of the bar.

"Not if he doesn't show up." I state as I shrug off my coat and place it on the back of my chair before sitting down. Jared, the other bartender hands me a glass of Sprite, knowing I wouldn't drink until I had confirmation that I had been stood up.

Another five minutes pass before someone taps my shoulder, "(Y/N)?".

"Luke?" I turn and smile at a man with a full, but trimmed, black beard and bright blue eyes.

"I am so sorry I'm late, traffic." He states, moving to sit beside me after shrugging of his coat.

"I figured, it's fine." I notice Sam walk back down and smile at us, "Let's get a drink then order, that okay?" I tilt my head to the side, hair falling from behind my shoulder as I flash a small smile at him.

He nods, eyes crinkling in the corners, "Sounds perfect."

As the conversation continues, I can tell that this date would end one of two ways: he would rather be friends, especially when being only friends usually lead to never speaking again, or he would want to take this date back to his place. Neither were what I was looking for, but from the way he had been trying to place a hand on my knee and drawing shapes into it and trying to inch his hand higher, I could only assume the latter.

"So, what are your intentions?" I ask point blank, moving his hand for a third time as it tried to slide up further on my thigh.

"What do you mean?" He laughs, placing his head into his hand that is propped on the counter and laying his other arm on his leg again so just his fingers just brush my knee.

"I mean, all the signs say you want sex, which you won't get." His fingers pause their dance, "What are you thinking?"

I watch as his face falls still, no smile. "Well," his hands withdraw from their place and he straightens his posture. "I had been hoping to have some fun tonight, but now I know that that's not going to happen." It doesn't surprise me when he stands and begins collecting his coat.

"So that's just it, that was all you were hoping out of this was sex? Nothing else?" I ask honestly, it always made me curious with how some people saw relationships these days.

"Well, honestly yeah." He pauses to look at me, annoyance evident in his facial features. "You seemed like the type to be into that, you lead me on-"

"Nope, didn't lead you on. We've been talking for what, three weeks, and you ultimately thought that I was only in it just for that?" I watch as he shrugs, causing me to shake my head, "You really must be thick. Either way, I hope you have a safe drive hope, thanks for keeping me company, having dinner, and letting me pay for half. Have a nice life."

I watch as he begins to float around the bar, flirting with other women in hopes that he can maybe not go home empty handed.

"I actually thought he was going to be it tonight, (Y/N/N). Sorry that didn't work out." Sam's voice carries from across the bar as she sets another drink in front of me while taking the two empty glasses.

"It was at least nice conversation before he decided to get handsy." I hum before I take a quick sip of the alcohol in my glass. "I think I need to try something new; I can't seem to do this right."

"Nah, dating in this day and age just isn't very fun anymore." Sam states, wiping her hands on her apron. "You gonna hang for a bit longer? I have my break in ten and we can talk more."

"Yeah, I'll be here." I state, smiling at her as she walks off to take someone else's order. I run my fingers through my hair and pull my phone out of my coat pocket, seeing that I had several new messages from not only Tinder, but a few other dating apps waiting.

I was sick and tired of all the guys who lead on that they wanted a relationship, but in reality only wanted a booty call or rebound; if I were to be so unlucky, by the end of the third date they stated they just wanted to be friends and then end up never messaging back again. I was tired of hoping fate would just finally say 'yeah, she's waited long enough' and dropped someone in my lap; but, no, all I had to show was the unopened messages haunting me from Tinder with an abundance of dick pics that were so unattractive that they could be mistaken for, well, anything else.

"You need to get off those apps, or make a new account." Sam states as she settles down next to me on a barstool.

I fold my arms over the bar, leaning over them. "What do you have in mind, Sam?"

"I'm so glad you asked, because I ran your dilemma by my sister, Carly, and she told me she might have the perfect solution for you."

"And that would be?"

"Heart Haven." Sam states with bright eyes, smiling happily at me. I raise an eyebrow at her as she looks at me for any sort of recognition of the name, she finds none. She rolls her eyes, "It's basically a matchmaking service. Her and Josh met through them. She can get you a free consultation."

"Sam, is this even a good idea?" I groan, "I don't wanna look like a loser telling them that I have been on so many dates and have only managed to get the guys just looking to get their dick wet."

"Y'know, for someone who says she's super innocent, you don't act like it sometimes." She laughs before pulling her phone out of her pocket and typing into google. She pulls up their website and hands it over to me.

Heart Haven, creating matches made in heaven. We as a company take into account that the world is a busy place, and going on date after date can lead to a whole world of self-doubt that a lifelong partner is so far away. We want to help you find your happy ending. With the assistance from our sister locations across the U.S. and around the world, we are able to not only find someone for you to love and cherish, but someone who will do that in return. Your consultation appointment to help us get to know you is absolutely free, and if you're worried about paying for our services, we can talk prices. If interested, call (***)-***-**** or email us at findlove@hearthaven.com.

"Do you really think this could work?"

Sam shrugs, taking her phone back. "Well, I guess I can tell you tomorrow. I meet my match tomorrow."

"Really?" I look at her excitedly, smiling at the way her cheeks flush and her smile becomes shy.

"I'm so excited, I have a good feeling about this." She grabs my hands gently, "Go home, think about it, and text me tomorrow night. I'll help you get ahold of my counselor, she's amazing."

I nod, taking one last sip of my drink before sliding it closer to the opposite section of the bar and handing Sam my card. She stands and walks around to charge me, handing the card back once she's done. "Call me after your date tomorrow, I wanna hear all about it."

"Will do, see you later, (Y/N)."

~

Saturday evening had rolled around too quickly, as had an invitation to a family-friend's wedding. I had been sitting on the couch, reading over the Heart Haven website for the past few hours; checking statistics, prices, and stories of new-found love.

I pick up my phone and text Sam, hoping she had a great date, and wondering if I could get the number for the counselor she had been hyping up. It only took a few minutes before her message comes through,

------

Sam

Still with Asher, Hazel's number is (***)-***-****.

Make sure to tell her that Carly and I recommended the place.

You won't regret it.

Get ready, girl. Love is just around the corner.

------

I smile at the message, dialing the number and getting sent straight to voicemail, I take a breath as it cues me to leave a message. "Hi, my name is (Y/F/N), I was hoping to set up a consultation with Hazel. I heard from Carly and Sam Simmons that she's the best. You can reach me back at this number, hope to hear from you soon."

I smile as I end the call, maybe love was just around the corner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Here is the PROLOGUE! I am so happy with how it has all turned out and I cannot wait for you all to get into it! Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think, like, reblog! Let me know if you want to be tagged! You’re awesome!

@revenantwriting | @bellagrayson-wayne | @jackiehollanderr | @snowxbarryxendgame | @let-me-luve-you | @mybitchborky | @linnyalou | @fanficscuziranout​ | @literallytrashhhhhh

Chapter One

[drkoestersmithrpg]

ALL of chapter 2 - feel free to suggest edits.

“I told you, mostly guys want me to do the honors….”

“And did you like that?”

“Oh yeah it felt good, it felt great.  I was pretty sure … yeah…this is what I’m supposed to be doing.  And I mean, I mean everyone who I was with was asking me. So it started to just make sense. But then…”

“But then when someone else asked to do the honors?  Did anyone get to pound you from behind?  I thought you told me that crowd was a bunch of geniuses.  How are you telling me that of all those geniuses, every one of them turned down the opportunity to pound that sweet ass?”

“They’re not…..it wasn’t……” he said, punching Tony in the arm ineffectually.  “They aren’t the ‘pound that sweet ass’ types Tony.   They’re more like, we’re all like….we’re all shy geniuses.  So when people asked … I mean….I mean when guys asked….

“No…see….I….tended to take the lead in these things,” Peter said.  He was starting to blush furiously against Tony’s shirt, but still pushing forward, needing to be understood.    “So I’m like, you should just lie on your back. And they would lay on their backs and I would … take it from above.  That’s how I had giving it to everyone else…. that’s the most logical position.  The person on top controls everything, so if you’re taking a dick for the first time or the second or third time that – that just works best.”

“So that’s the way you took it every time.”

“Yeah…. ok.  I guess I just like to be in control.  It worked out well for everybody.  I mean you just ride them and they close their eyes and think about someone else and enjoy it.  It always felt good when someone else did it to me.  And getting it done to me felt even better than doing it. But nothing…”

He sat up a little to touch Tony’s face.

“No one ever made me feel like that.  I don’t ……I have no idea where all that noise came from…but god Tony that was amazing.”

“Well, as honored as I am to be the first one to hear Peter Parker make those noises, it appears that’s because I’m the only one to be brave enough to give you a good pounding from behind…” he said dismissively, and started to rise from the bed, but was surprised to find himself thrown back down and pinned to the bed by the same Peter Parker, first by his shirt, then by his shoulder.

“SHUT UP…..will you just stop it?”  Peter growled (reveling, for just a moment, in the fact that he was fulfilling a very old fantasy of using his superior strength to pin Tony Stark to the bed and hold him down while he confessed his true feelings.  Only problem was, now that they were there, there was nothing but a very startled look from Tony, and Peter, stumbling over his words as usual.)

“This is real. Tony can you please just … I need … you’ve got to … “

Peter gave up and brought their foreheads together again.  This seemed to be the best position for talking, and so he stayed there (while still forcibly holding Tony in place.)

“Tony I need this. For godssake I’m a grown man dressing up as a freaking spider and returning stolen bicycles.   I get to watch you and New-Bruce and Steve talking and the world using your real names and me – I stuck standing on the side with the guy who dresses up like a Panther.  I’m a secret, and it’s driving me nuts.  I always thought it would get better after I left highschool but I don’t see how college is going to be any easier.  Pretending I don’t know how Thanos really died, pretending that I don’t know you invented time travel just to … just to get me back…”

He was crying again dammit. Tony tried to reach around his arm to stroke his face again and Peter had to separate their foreheads to shake him off.

“Nothing is real.  I dress up in a leotard to pester car-thieves, but that’s not really me.  Then I dress up like Peter Parker and I hawk set-up pics to a newspaper where they think Spiderman is some kind of vigilante badguy, and I just stand there and look stupid and that’s not really me, either.  This double-life it – it’s just exhausting.  I need something real, Tony.  I need this.  I need you.

“And I meant everything I said before…texted before.  I don’t care if this implodes in 20 days or 20 weeks or 20 years.  Neither one of us may be alive by then.  I need to live in the moment.  We need to live in the moment.  So spare me this ‘It’s just because no one ever did this to you before’ bullshit you egotistical bastard…”

He was losing his steam, not to mention his grip on Tony’s shoulder AND his ability to form sentences. What he was feeling he couldn’t even explain to himself – how was he going to explain it to this guy?

He straddled the man and put his hands on both sides of his chest.  He took two fistfuls of Tony’s shirt and tried gesturing with them, only to find he had run out of words.  He tried to bring their foreheads together again but wound up laying his head on the bed next to Tony’s – this secret required closer contact.

“You made me scream while you were fucking me because that was EPIC,” he whispered.  “Because you are Tony Stark.  Because we are supposed to be together.  Ironman and Spiderman.  We’re legendary.  Don’t try to pretend that it was anything else.”

Tony was smiling, and that should have been a good sign, but then he was laughing and suddenly Peter was rethinking that I’ve-only-want-to-haul-up-and-punch-my-lover-on-occasions philosophy.  Point fact he wanted to punch someone right now.  He sat up and shook the man, demanding an explanation.

“Its….yes….no I’m sorry.  “It’s serious, isn’t it?  But kid listen to yourself,” Tony said, taking Peter’s wrists in both hands and trying to get himself under control.  “In 20 years? In 20 years I’m going to be 75, and you won’t even been pushing 40.  Where do you think it’s going to go from there, honestly?  

“What you’re suggesting is ridiculous and you’re the only one who can’t see it.  When the others find out they are going to laugh at us, and for a good reason.  You’re getting the short end of the stick….”

With that he knocked both Peter’s arms away and sat up suddenly, grabbing Peter’s face in both hands and bringing him close.

“And you’re the only one who hasn’t figure that out,” he growled against Peter’s mouth.  “And if I were a good guy, Peter, I’d tell you ‘no.’ That’s the part you just don’t get. I.  Am not.  The good guy. I’m a selfish asshole.  That’s why I’m not telling you ‘no’.”

He punctuated that last sentence with a brutal kiss and Peter did not resist.  Nor did Peter resist when Tony flipped them both over and pushed Peter’s knee down to the bed (Peter’s dancer-like flexibility made this position completely painless) and began bucking his hips forward, rubbing his awakening cock between Peter’s legs in a parody of what they had been doing moments before.

And very soon it was no longer a parody.  “Yes, Tony, do it….” Peter was murmuring when his lover finally released him from the kiss and in a few moments Tony was inside him again.

“Does it hurt baby?” Tony was asking and Peter enjoyed a little inappropriate laugh of his own. “I told you old man, you can’t hurt me. Like the skin on arm or the skin on my face, you can’t hurt it.  You can do this to me all…. Night…. long.”

He enjoyed the wicked grin on his own face and enjoyed it even more when Tony tried to kiss it away. He wrapped his legs around the older man (and enjoyed the appreciative noises that ensued.)  He tilted his hips up until his heels were in the middle of Tony’s shoulderblades and found the noises that this resulted in entirely enjoyable.

He was about to make a comment about Tony was now being the loud one when the man pulled up to look him in the face ask breathlessly, “What were their names?”

“???” was all Peter could manage until Tony, never slowing his pace, leaned over and growled in his ear “Their names.  The names of the boys who fucked you before I did.  The boys that couldn’t make you make that noise.  I want to know their names.”

“Jesus Tony,” Peter tried to argue, but now the man was staring him down, keeping his gaze steady as he rocked into his body.

“Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind, little boy,” Tony growled while he pounded.  “You wanted me, now you have me.  And I want names.  You tell me who got <b>here</b> first.”

Peter turned his head away in anger and frustration.  ‘Little boy’ stung, Tony hadn’t used that hateful phrase since before they had started fucking.  Then he made a quick calculation and decided to comply.

“First there was Luke,” he said, flinging one hand out to the bed and fisting the cover and focusing all his senses on the picture that made – it was very much like the first days before he had discovered he could shut out the constant input his brain was giving him by putting on the dark glasses.  Honing in on the fisted bedcover Peter managed to forget about Tony’s cock pounding into him, forget about the incredible noises the man made when he dug his heel in-between the shoulder blades…

“Yeah, Luke was first. Everybody else kept asking me to do it to them.  Luke-With-A-Beard was the first to do it to me, I never did it with Other Luke.  Next came Ashley and then Percival, no wait, Ashley and did it several times, like we kept doing each other several times, THEN came Percival.  And I did it for one of the Simons but I don’t remember which one.”

He let go of the cover and turned his head back to the man on top of him with a triumphant grin.  He had taken Tony’s challenge and matched it and, now that he had finished with the *actual* list of lovers, began to improvise.

“And I did it with both Paul’s,” he whispered, canting his hips even further upward by walking his heels even higher up Tony’s body.  Right now he was more thankful for his spider-bite powers than ever before.

“Gay Paul and Poleaxe Paul,” he lied freely, pressing one heel above the other until he finally had one pressing into Tony’s neck.  “Together, they took turns with me.  But I don’t count them because they only came for each other, yes Tony….”

The sounds Tony was making now were most satisfying and Peter held on to Tony’s head, first with both feet and then with his hands.  “Yes…. it’s perfect….. ah god Tony…”

Wrapping both arms and both legs around his lover Peter listened closely to the unique sounds his lover was making and wondered if this had been what it was like for Tony just moments before.  Although their positions had been comparable to some encounters on countertops Tony had never made noises quite like this and Peter treasured every one of them. At the same time Peter had to, reluctantly, admit that it had been the angle after all – this position was inspiring zero noises out of him personally.

Then Tony was making that angry, pinched-off sound, as if something had just gone wrong, and as Peter felt those fingers dig into his shoulders he closed his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be allowed to watch…

…then Peter remembered that he WAS the Strongest Avenger and he caught Tony’s face in both hands.

“No hiding old man. You reap the whirlwind too – and now I get to watch.”  

“Yes……yes Tony……come inside me……” he murmured as gently and tenderly as he could, alarmed, slightly, at the way Tony’s eyes bugged and his face seemed to disconnect when he came. But he did take pity on the man and let him bury his face into the bed, wrapping him up in his arms and in his words. “That was perfect.  Oh Tony I never felt anything like it.”  He kept both arms and legs securely wrapped around Tony’s shoulders and held him as he recovered.

“Oh god, I can still feel you inside me,” Peter breathed as he felt Tony’s body relax.  

“That’s because I’m…..wearing you…..” Tony said, glancing up at Peter’s foot and Peter laughed as he put them both down.

“That was amazing. Now I know what to do when I want to hear you make those noises,” Peter joked, until Tony announced he was going to have Friday record Peter tomorrow and Peter found himself protesting and begging again.

“Nope, nope, I’m going to have a personal file on my phone, for when I’m off on conferences, I’m going to have Friday record it as the “Greedy Bottom” protocol.  It will be nice to listen to when I’m away….”

He put his ear to Peter’s head, even as Peter argued, and began to whisper.  “First you moan and plead and whimper like someone’s killing you. Then you start singing like a soprano because I’m making you come….then silence.  For about 30 seconds.  Then the moaning and “Oh Gods” begin again….”

“PLEASE stop,” Peter begged, putting his hands over Tony’s mouth, laughing and trying to blush and hide his head all at the same time.

“I’m going to do it, I’m going to call it the ‘Twink Protocol.’”  “I TOLD you I am NOT a twink!”  Peter argued even as he resigned himself to the fact that the soundfile WAS going to exist, and his lover was undoubtedly going to make him listen to it someday.

They were both quiet for a moment, catching their breath, when Tony said “I want to watch.”

“I want to watch them fuck you.”

“Oh JESUS Tony,” did no good, nor did rolling his eyes nor even turning and facing the other way.

“I don’t think any of my study partners are going to be into that, Tony.”

“I mean it, I want proof. You claim I’m the only one who can make you make those noises and I want proof.  I’ll have Friday create a secure line and you can send it to me on your phone and you’ll show me what it looks like when they fuck you…”

“I’ll have to get their permission to be filmed…”

“No, because they’ll be fucking you, so it doesn’t count….”

“That is NOT how it WORKS Tony!”

A minor argument ensued (ending with Tony declaring “Oh you and your damn millennial ethics.  Fine then.”)  with Peter facing the other way, hiding his face, calculating.  He was agreeing to Tony’s demands while simultaneously wondering, were these real demands?  Or was this just Tony punishing him for demanding a real relationship? Either way, the demands were turning him on more than a little bit, and he was determined to meet the man head on.

“Fine, I’ll bring you proof and then you’ll see,” Peter said, turning around suddenly and wrapping up Tony in his arms again sliding his hands under Peter’s shirt, but Tony rolled onto his back, pulling Peter onto his body like a blanket, and Peter withdrew his hands.

“You’ve left TWO wet spots on my bed,” Tony scolded gently.  “You’re going to have to take a shower at some point.”

“Are you going to make me do that by myself?” Peter pouted.

“Do you mind?”

“Are you kidding? I hate it.”

“Then I won’t make you do it.”

Peter looked into Tony’s face, startled by the concession, then kissed him.

They kissed for a while like that, Peter working his hand under Tony’s shirt again, stroking his chest, and then made a very bold request.

“Take this off,” he asked gently, but Tony only shook his head.

“Please?  You want what nobody else can have from me, that’s what I want from you,” Peter insisted, although he almost relented when he saw the sadness break across Tony’s face.

“It aint pretty, kid.”

“Friday, turn off the lights,” Peter requested, but Tony put his head up and ordered “Friday, engage.” After Friday announced that she was back online, the lights were lowered.

“Why did you turn Friday off?” Peter asked in confusion, and Tony laughed even as he shrugged out of his shirt.

“Oh kid, don’t you even remember?” he whispered as he pulled Peter close.  “You were moaning so loud Friday tried to call the ambulance on you twice.”

[5sosbitchfest]

Oi vey lol

So after all the Crustemort nonsense the past few days, and conveniently after 5sos release a new performance video, we get a DM article all about, you guessed it, a beard! Only this time it came as the complete package that included an article and pap shots! YAY!

The seeding is upon us, my friends. Modest has put it into effect and I’m just laughing about it. Last time we got an article about these two, she didn’t even have a fucking name. Now they’ve named her. They’re edging into making Kale his official girlfriend by wording things mysteriously. “Rumored girlfriend”. Come the fuck on. We all know what’s happening here. Quit trying to play at intrigue because it’s just annoying af. 

“She’s Kinda Hot!” ??? What the fuck is this? Are we looking at the same girl?? Because this girl is not hot. She’s not even conventionally attractive?? She’s really quite plain, but Modest is desperately trying to hype her up. Like did Cashton get too loud again? Did something happen that I missed? Is this backlash after Ashton took Calum to the wedding where he was meant to be Kale’s date, then proceeded to ignore her in favor of Calum? Probably. 

Now let’s talk about Ashton’s body language. He could not appear to be less interested in her if he tried. There’s enough room for Satan between the two of them, Ashton’s hands are firmly tucked into his pockets, and he doesn’t even appear to be speaking/looking at her. The third pic has him pursing his lips and God...I can feel the irritation coming off of him in this pic. Like...this poor fucking guy. Leave him alone. 

They even go as far to mention Bryana??? Wtf, DM?? That PR stunt was over in 2015 so what are you doing??

This is a mess. Sometimes, I wonder if Ashton actually takes on the paps so the other guys don’t have to. He’s the only one that seems to be routinely papped, and we all know that most celebs hate paps. I feel like Ashton begrudgingly offers himself up to protect his bandmates. It makes me sad for him. 

In conclusion: Kraken is bullshit, but my ass cheeks are clenched and prepared for the big announcement that they’re “dating”.