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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

What would happen if you were sent back and ended up in the orphanage with Tom Riddle—and say you also had magic?

Oh boy.

Well, there's a lot to question here. Judging by the... spirit of this ask, I presume I'm... pretty much reincarnated. I'm in the orphanage, I'm much younger than I am now and a child, I'm pre-Hogwarts age, and I retain my current knowledge.

For the purpose of this ask I suppose I also retain my current mental faculties. Despite being in the body of an eight-year-old, I'm not The Carnivorous Muffin at eight.

Welp, there's a lot to consider here.

First, I probably don't realize I'm in Harry Potter for quite some time and instead assume I've been reincarnated to some parallel universe. It's the 1930's, I'm in England in the depression, WWI has occurred and the vast majority of major historical events I know about seem to have happened in the right order, and this Earth is eerily similar to the Earth I left behind.

Strange that I appear to remember everything of my past life with my adult mental abilities, but alright universe, I guess that's how we're going to play this.

What I do know is that I'm dirt poor, presumably still a woman which does not bode well for my career prospects, and if I want any prospects in life period I'm going to have to fight tooth and nail for it. It'd be great if I got adopted to help with this, and might be nice to have people in my life who love me, but there's a lot of orphans in the world and a lot of orphans who are much less weird than I am.

The orphanage is the orphanage and not great, Mrs. Cole is overworked, the orphanage is chronically understaffed, and the kids are running wild beating the shit out of each other.

Being a girl, I probably don't have to worry about getting the shit kicked out of me quite as much, but I still probably try to keep my head down and don't aggravate the particularly beefy looking orphans.

Yes, there's some very angry gremlin named Tom Riddle around who will shove you down the stairs in retribution, but that's just a weird coincidence. And then supernatural shit starts happening. Billy's rabbit hangs itself, people get injuries when Tom is nowhere near them, and I start wondering if this is really the Tom Riddle.

I'm in Wool's Orphanage, my matron is Mrs. Cole, Tom Riddle is running around lighting things on fire. It's possible, though it could all be a strange coincidence.

Now, how things go from here depends on how controlled my own magic is. Since accidental magic typically does manifest at least once or twice, it probably does manifest for me for.. something. If Tom Riddle's there to witness it then...

Well, I imagine he's very offended. Here he was, special, different, better than everyone else, and then some girl in the orphanage (who dares to get very good grades on her assignments in school) has it too.

And I just stand there, smiling, going "Tee hee".

He probably confronts me to prove that he's better at it than I am, and he probably is unless the universe hates both him and me, but having someone else with the Shining around probably prompts him to take me as his protégé (in part so he can show off and in part because he's genuinely excited to be able to share this super cool talent).

I am now apprentice to eight-year-old Tom Riddle. Whoop de doo.

Well, I don't remember this part of Harry Potter, so now I'm probably confused as to where I am again. Regardless, I try to advise Tom on how to tone it down and not, say, traumatize Amy and Dennis for life and antagonize all the other orphans forever. He probably doesn't take me seriously. What do I know, I can't even light that patch of grass on fire?

Hanging around Tom Riddle gets me a reputation to, given the difference in genders, probably a fairly nasty one at that. When Dumbledore arrives he's undoubtedly told hot gossip about how eleven-year-old Tom and I have had sex in a ritual to summon Satan. Dumbledore takes this seriously.

Dumbledore probably meets us both at the same time and it's a disaster. I tried my best to prep Tom without revealing I'm a prophet, Tom first doesn't believe there might not be others, then doesn't believe they would be antagonist/anything but amazed by how awesome he is.

Well, Dumbledore lights his wardrobe on fire while I sit there. Dying inside. Dumbledore probably also does something to me too, to teach me some kind of lesson about something.

I imagine he temporarily disfigures me/makes me appear very ugly, then sticks a mirror to the wall, that way I realize that looks aren’t everything/being a whore is wrong. Tom, still traumatized over the wardrobe, is no help and my magic’s probably not controlled enough to do a thing about it.

I spend a day looking like a pig, Tom and I are given just enough money to buy new wands and second hand/barely functioning everything else and given the world’s worst directions to Diagon Alley. Thanks, Albus.

Well, months pass, we get our wands, Tom gets excited for Hogwarts and I... start seriously considering the future. WWII is coming, the Blitz is coming, Tom and I live in east London and must be able to evacuate during the bombing of London (which went on well past the Blitz to the end of the war). I also start considering my future in the wizarding world. Do I now actually have career prospects?

Probably not because I’m muggle born and a woman. My best bet is doing very well in useful subjects and finding employment with the goblins, I can’t imagine they have the same hang ups as the wizarding world.

Tom wants to go to Slytherin, of course, I tell him this is a bad idea. “Gee Tom,” I say, “Not sure how I know this but I have this feeling that Slytherin is filled with people who loathe our very existence and will shank us. Why don’t we pick Ravenclaw or Gryffindor instead?”

No one shanks Tom Riddle! Tom says. Tom is still eleven and while he admits that sometimes I may, in retrospect, have been right about certain things that doesn’t mean he wants to go to the house known for hard work. That’s code word for everyone there being a moron and having no other redeeming features than tenacity. As for the other two, Ravenclaws sound like smug, elitist, nerds and Gryffindors like dumb jocks.

Better to be known for ambition, cunning, and actually being competent.

Well, there’s no talking him out of this one, and goddamn it we’re all each other has.

I’m the closest thing Tom Riddle has ever had to a friend in all these years and in the orphanage the only one who could hold a decent conversation with him. And while it’s not my moral obligation to keep Tom from becoming a domestic terrorist, and there’s no guarantee I even can, dumping him for one of the other houses and drifting apart won’t help.

Not to mention that, after all these years, I’m undoubtedly lonely, I’m in this foreign land, and he’s now the closest thing to a friend I have.

Looks like I’m going to Slytherin, YOOOOOLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO! I shout as a battle cry as tears run down my face. I may have to convince the hat to put me in Slytherin, but like all human beings I am a mixture of many qualities. I’m not cunning in the least, mind games exhaust me unutterably, but I’m full of ambition.

This confirms every bad opinion Dumbledore had regarding me and Tom.

For the next several months, Tom probably beats the shit out of dormmates who steal his things/harass him. He beats up mine too because feminism (TM) means that he should treat all people equally when guilty of the same crime. I... am not sure I can win that fight so I just resign myself to having to adopt some of Tom’s tactics to make sure I’m not shoved in lockers, have tampons thrown at me, or pig’s blood dumped on me at the prom.

Once again, everyone thinks Tom Riddle and I are dating. I don’t even know if they’re wrong at this point.

Well, being in class with eleven year olds who seem to have had little to no prior education, Tom and I are undoubtedly blazing through class. I imagine I’m bored out of my mind (the Hogwarts curriculum sounds unbelievably boring) and Tom is... well, probably devouring the library but probably also bored. I decide to try and see if I can find some real history texts on this world (there are probably none, the wizarding world seems to only have two historians and both... have a different approach to history than current modern thought as I know it) and discover what magic even is. That shit is fascinating: wingardium leviosa is not.

Dumbledore likely gives neither me nor Tom points in class, I think the house cup is stupid, so I really don’t care. I have no interest in playing quidditch, neither does Tom, so that doesn’t happen.

The second world war starts up, Tom, me, and the muggle borns are the only ones who give a flying fuck. I work harder on figuring out how to get lodging during the Blitz/the bombing of London. Unfortunately, Mrs. Cole hates me too for being the Bride of Satan, so that’s a no go. Third year, 1939, I probably write her in earnest anyway telling her to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send Tom and I instructions for the summer/where the orphans are staying/how they’ve been dispersed to the countryside. As a back up plan, I try desperately to shmooze shopkeepers in Hogsmeade during every Hogsmeade weekend to get myself and Tom part time jobs and lodging over the summer. As a back up back up plan, I spend my time badgering Tom to become very good at survivalist wandless magic and if the Lord has pity on me gain some ability in it myself.

Hopefully, either Mrs. Cole or one of the Hogsmeade shop owners take pity on us. If not, then Tom and I are going extreme camping. Given Mrs. Cole (and the brain damage brought on by Dumbledore erasing memories left and right) and the likelihood of Hogsmeade shop owners just not getting it, Tom and I probably go extreme camping.

(Tom, meanwhile, asks Dippet and Dumbledore if we can stay in Hogwarts over the summer. He’s told no exceptions. London’s being bombed, you say? No exceptions. Toodles. Tom is never the same.)

Me, Tom Riddle, a tent we made ourselves, several rabbits we had to catch and skin ourselves, and the pitiful fire that we can keep going through pure will alone because if we try to use real people spells then we’ll get arrested. It has the benefit of making Tom feel very manly and impressive, catching his own food, but both of us are well aware that this sucks.

But hey, we aren’t dead.

Well, I’m sure Tom doesn’t appreciate that and this is where I imagine he seriously starts talking about violent revolution. I imagine much of my time is spent discussing the merits of not violently overthrowing our ant overlords. I imagine a thirteen-year-old Tom isn’t impressed by my pacifism, but he’s not married to Voldemort yet (probably).

Then I imagine the horcrux thing comes up and... Well, I will argue hard against it. Humans die, it is a truth of the universe, and simply something we have to accept. Horcruxes are not a measure against that, they can be destroyed, given infinite time they will be, and the sacrifice they require is too high: human life as well as the very essence of who you are.

What is a soul? I’m not sure, we never really learn in HP canon, but whatever it is, it is in some way the essence of yourself. If you take half of it and throw it somewhere else, you will cease to be you, someone or something else is walking around in your body while the other half of you exists in endless agony.

If you must chase immortality, create a philosopher’s stone (as I darkly wonder why it was that couldn’t be replicated and what Flamel had to do to make it in the first place). On second thought, maybe we should search for the Holy Grail.

Whether I can talk Tom out of this or not is... unclear. I’m going to say that I can, in part because I imagine he’ll want to show the chamber off to me, tell me when he realizes he’s Heir of Slytherin, and in doing so I can prevent the basilisk incident from occurring. Without that, there’s no dead Myrtle, which means no first victim. That summer, when he goes to the Gaunts, I’ll go with him and convince him that it’s not worth it. He can just turn around and leave these people alone, I hopefully can talk him down. Which means no second victim.

I start writing Flamel to see if Tom or I can get an apprenticeship (Dumbledore probably beats us to the chase and poisons him against us, but it’s worth a shot).

Then, should all go well, I can convince Tom to find employment with the goblins rather than shady antique dealers on the bad side of town. Hopefully, I can convince him to never become Voldemort, and instead we travel the world together looking for the origins of magic or something.

Dumbledore goes around taking people’s memories of us in preparation for when Tom becomes a dark lord and I his lady of the night darkness.

TL;DR Apparently my life would become an SI/Tom Riddle fic. So, thanks anon.

#harry potter #harry potter meta #harry potter headcanon #tom riddle #albus dumbledore #anti albus dumbledore #meta #headcanon #opinion

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script-nef · 3 years

Text

Confession in the moonlight | Gojou Satoru

Category: fluff

2.2k words; Hatsumoude date [6/6]

Happy New Year everyone!

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Bells and chatter are almost deafening even this late into the night. Families and friends are gathering here, mingling and pushing against each other in the narrow path leading up to the shrine. There are so many carts lined up on the sides, owners screaming their products and shouting over another.

And you're walking through the crowd with the one person who you want to avoid the most in the world.

Thanks to the event which is now dubbed "The Alcohol Incident That Can Never Happen Again", you learned about a couple of things in the following days.

First, alcohol is the enemy. This is ironclad and nothing will ever shift your opinion on it. Alcohol. Is. The. Enemy. None of it will ever touch your lips again.

Second, you discovered what type of a drunk you are. The clingy, bubbly one who has the misfortune of remembering practically everything that happened. Worst combination ever. Because your brain wants you to die from embarrassment. The only plus is that you don't feel like throwing up and you don't have headaches. Whatever Gojou fed you worked wonders.

Just thinking his name makes you want to slam your head into a wall.

Facing him again after that has proven to be a challenge. The memory of what happened on that day intrudes every time you see his face and then you have to take a break to calm down. Faking ignorance and acting as though you remember nothing from the night was your choice. Which was a bad choice since you’re not known for your acting skills and you also have the misfortune of wearing your heart on your sleeve. Which brings on the next problem.

Third, you… seem to have feelings for Gojou. The romantic kind. Like, the boyfriend-girlfriend kind. When you woke up the next day, it was probably the most clear your mind had been in months. Alcohol is a confusing drink. Still, you're never going to go near it again. Making a fool out of yourself once is enough.

Lastly, perhaps most importantly, you basically confessed to him. While drunk. And then went to sleep.

Sitting up in bed the morning after, hair everywhere and jacket still on, you did an analysis.

It's like a typical light novel cliché. A guy and a girl, co-workers or something like that, comfortable with each other, hangs out all the time, one major event or couple of minor events happens, the girl falls in love with the guy or vice-versa, confession and then happy ending.

It all kind of made sense with your new, alcohol-cleaned brain. The fluttering feelings, the spike in heart rate, the uncontrollable blushing and noticing physical contact more. There’s a reason why he’s so comfortable to be around, why you practically entrusted your life in his hands. And you literally said to him once, you think in the movie theatre, that he would make a good boyfriend. To his face. Who says that? Embarrassment turns into self loathing. It makes you wonder how you didn’t notice it last time.

With this new shocking revelation, you didn’t know what to do. Confess? If there is even the slightest bit of chance he doesn’t like you back and rejects you, life will be hell to live. Because you live in the same goddamn place, work together and all of your friends are his friends.

So two options. Three outcomes. One: you confess and he accepts and everything is fine. Ideal. Two: you confess and he rejects you and so you leave the place, never come back again and work in a farm halfway across the world by changing your identity. That sounded reasonable enough. Three: you don’t confess and somehow act naturally around him. This has problems because, again, you wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s still very tempting. More so than the second one. This is perhaps the most difficult decision you’ve made in your life.

So you turned to the one person you can vent this kind of thing on. Shouko. Who looked at you like you were either stupid or dense. Maybe both. Definitely both. It was quite amazing what she could express while moving the least amount of facial muscles.

“So… yeah. I think I like Gojou and I don’t know which of the options I should take. Help me?”

She just stared at you. With a deadpan face that has all the stress and exasperation in the world. You pride yourself in being able to read other’s faces quite easily. Rubbing her fingers over her eyes and groaning for a bit, she eventually took her phone out and dialled a number. The line rang for a bit.

“Ijichi? You owe me 10,000 yen.” Clicking off the phone even before hearing a response, Shouko turned her focus back to you. “You seriously don’t know?”

“Don’t know what? What was the phone call about?”

“That he likes you? That’s he’s insufferable because of that? You seriously don’t know?” She inched closer and closer until her face was right in front of yours. Shouko is seriously scary when she’s angry, like a sleeping lion. And you just somehow poked her. “Look at me in the eyes. You seriously never realised?”

“Um, what?”

“The dates. Remember when I couldn’t go to the movie for Howl because someone came in? I immediately gave it to him because I owed him a favour and he wanted to spend time with you. The time he went shopping with you by flying. Do you know why he offered that in the first place?”

“I mean, it was getting late… And I was in a bad mood so— oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Do you get it now?”

“So then… the dinner, that was also…”

“A date.” Sighing, she sits back on the sofa, letting her head drop onto the backrest. Thoughts jumble inside your head, all of them slowly clicking into place.

“Wait, so. He likes me?”

Annoyed moans are her response as she thuds her head into the furniture. Something along the lines of “Why me.” could be heard.

“So him inviting me to hatsumoude today is also a date?” Her hand waves lazily in the air.

“Yes, it is. Tell me you accepted.” You nodded, then realised that she can’t see from her position.

“I did. I can’t really say no to him.” She makes a gagging sound.

“Good. Finally. So just confess to him then. He’ll accept, you’ll be happy, he’ll be happy, and we’ll all finally be free.”

“Free of what.”

“Your denseness.” She snaps, sitting back up. Fire burns in her irises. “It’s like the Chinese story, the one with the shield and the spear. You’re the shield, oblivious to every single one of his advances and he’s the spear, never giving up. And we’re the spectators who are bored and tired. So dress up in your prettiest clothes and go.”

And that’s why you’re walking up the steps to the shrine, swaddled in clothing. Gojou is right next to you, enjoying mochi he bought from somewhere and humming. He’s humming while you’re having one of the worst crises of your life. God, you envy his ability to keep cool.

Making every effort to keep calm and not look move your head in his general direction, you finally arrive at the bell. The sound resonates clearly into the night. Coins clink into the offering box. Two bows, two claps, pray, one bow. Your wish is the same as always, with one more sentence. Gojou copies you, mochi finished and trash discarded.

The way down is much easier, your heart a little lighter. Maybe the rest of the night will be fine.

This is a delusion and you realise it as soon as Gojou opens his mouth.

“What did you wish for?” His voice cuts through the commotion, nudging for your attention. You flinch a bit at the closeness but try to regain your composure. If he saw it, he doesn’t comment on it.

“I—I wished for everyone I love to survive the fight with Sukuna and have a peaceful retirement. Especially Ken-chan.” In actuality, you did wish for that but also for a way to confess. He doesn’t need to know that yet. Your voice trembles a bit, betraying you.

“You do know that saying it out loud negates the wish right?” There’s a delighted tone in his voice, like he’s happy he baited you. How is a person this childish? And what does that say about you, the person who likes him? A hand ruffles your head before you have a chance to lament your heart. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure your wish comes true.” Your heart thumps.

It’s so unfair how he always knows what to say. It’s so unfair that it’s having this kind of effect on you. Your earlobes grow hot and you scramble to find a reply.

“What did you wish for then?” He shifts his head to look at you. “Yeah, I know. It won’t come true if you say it out loud, but if you can protect everyone and save the human race, I’m sure it's not up to the gods or spirits whether or not your wish comes true.”

He seems to contemplate it. Then nods.

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s not up to them.”

“See? So what’s yo—”

“It’s up to you.”

You nearly trip over one of the stone tiles, flailing for balance. Of course Gojou comes to your rescue, hands gently gripping at your sides. The first problem here is that your reaction was too obvious. You can’t feign ignorance now, like you didn’t hear him over the crowd. The second is that you just made a fool of yourself. Which leads to the third problem.

He is way too close.

“You okay?” And now he’s whispering. The blushing worsens. “Come on, let’s go.”

It’s a clearing in the forest a bit away, a smaller dilapidated shrine on the edge of it. A small pond is in the middle, fireflies skimming over the surface and glimmering beautifully.

“There you go.” He guides you to the steps of the ruined shrine, letting you sit down but stays standing. Shifting on his feet, neck cracking as he rolls it. Nervous energy leaks out of him. Wait, is this—

“I don’t know what to say. I’ve rehearsed this like, hundreds of times but my heart is kind of going crazy.” So is yours. He comes back to you then lowers himself to one knee. Your heart stops. “I’m not proposing. Not yet. I’ve heard dating comes first.”

One of your hands slots into his. He removes his blindfold, revealing his cerulean eyes to you for the second time. Breath hitches and he most definitely heard it because his smile, no matter how tentative it was, becomes full and true.

“Let’s get to the main point straight away. I like you.” The words burn you alive and you try to take your hand back but his grip is strong. So you do the next best thing. Averting your face. “I know you do too. I also know you remember the night. Your acting skills are terrible. And Shouko told me.” If you’re not drowning in mortification and something that feels vaguely like hope, you might hit him. And Shouko.

But the second you face him, you see him. The heart-gripping worry in his eyes, the way he’s smiling to cover for his anxiousness, the light trembling in his fingers. It’s so different to his normal self, the aloof and laid-back aura completely dissipated. This is what you do to him?

“I’m not good at this. But I mean every word when I say that you’re the kindest, cutest and the most loveable person that I’ve ever met. You put up with me, and that’s saying a lot.” Protest is at the tip of your tongue, ready to argue that he should stop being so hard on himself and that you genuinely like spending time with him, but he recognises the look on your face and laughs delightedly. “See? So ready to come to my defence, even if it’s me you have to fight. Everyone’s fed up with me to some extent, and I know you are as well, but you still put up with me. That’s what made me fall for you. That unlimited kindness.”

He presses a kiss to the palm of your hand and it feels like he’s giving you his heart at the same time. Love shines in his eyes and clogs at your throat. A shuddering breath passes over the both of you. But then the cheeky smile comes back.

“I think that’s enough to sweep you off your feet. Is your heart beating fast?” A nod. “Hands clammy?” A nod. “Think you can manage granting me my wish?”

A wave of calm washes over. Gojou’s words, filled with sincerity and bare hearted emotions, turn into butterflies that travel to every inch in your body. It’s delightful and there’s no way you can live without hearing it again.

The distance between your lips close, and you swear your heart synchronises with his when they finally touch.

#gojou x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojou imagine #gojou satoru imagine #gojo x reader #gojo imagine #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru imagine #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojou #gojou satoru #fluff #series #female reader

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cheelduh · 3 years

Text

How to strike your way into someone’s heart (Highschool AU)

Part 2 to this. Can be read alone!

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: A lot of swearing I mean what do you expect they’re all teenagers. Lots of brick slapping. Childe clowns Scaramouche. OH YES this isn’t edited at all lmfao have fun.

Synopsis: It’s your big date with Childe after you lost the bet miserably. You decide to pay the occult club a visit in hopes of finding something that can...ease your concerns. Childe on the other hand has Signora give him a friendly piece of advice, believe it or not.

Note: SRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH

For as long as you can remember, you've never believed in ghosts, demons, or souls that lose their way in the endless void, forced to roam the earth in repentance.

Believing in the unknown takes creativity, adventure, maybe even a little sense of fear. Scratch that—a shitton of fear, because humans love to weave in their insecurities and inability to explain something into something of a phenomenon.

Bad luck lies in this category. Bad luck is simply a way to justify the catastrophe that one cannot admit they have fabricated themselves. Everyone wants a reason as to why shit hits the fan, and it can be anything but their own fault.

Bad luck is nothing but a load of bull to you. That's totally why you're standing outside the calculus classroom during lunch break, which happens to be the official meet spot for the occult club.

You raise a fist to knock, but then falter, thinking over your options once again. Is this what it has come to? Putting your faith into the weird kids that once tried to summon Schrödinger's cat for the physics final.

Fischl kicks the door wide open, a smirk playing at her lips once she spots you. "One cannot refrain from the song of your cogitation. The feline for which thou dwell on—"

A squeak leaves your throat and you flinch back, cutting her off. "You can read my mind?"

"Fischl," An icy eyed boy shows up from behind her and points a thumb back. "Mona needs your help."

Fischl squints at you for a brief moment, and then spins onto her heel to go back into the room.

The blue haired lower class man, Chongyun you guess, narrows his eyes at you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Finally you manage to speak, palms all sweaty. "Yeah uh, I need your help. You know, with occulty things." You use your hands to articulate your thoughts, but ultimately give up.

You're not sure if it's pity towards your pathetic explanation or simply annoyance, but Chongyun widens the opening. He silently gestures for you to follow.

Stumbling on your feet and putting on your big girl pants, you hurry inside of the room, hoping you aren't seen by Beidou. She wouldn't let you hear the end of this.

The temperature instantly drops, and you have to adjust your sight to navigate. There's heavy incense in the air as well as a a few lighted candles from the dollar store, you guess.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of all the demonic markings is Mona, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Chongyun has made his way next to her, crossing his arms with a sigh, and Fischl is busy cooing at her bird.

"Well well well..." Mona's amused, eyes almost twinkling as she gets up from the poor desk that had to suffer the wrath of her ass. "If it isn't Y/N."

Mona is a glorified dick wiper in your books. One time, she partnered up with you in chemistry last year and refused to do any work because apparently her "star sign" said she was incompatible with science. You haven't forgiven her since.

"I need your help." You barely manage to choke out the words, reigning yourself in by clenching your fists instead. It'll be unethical to claw her face, especially since you're the one who's come to her.

"Oh?" She smiles wickedly, revelling in every moment of this no doubt. "Why would the high and mighty Y/N need help from the 'Whoroscope whore'?"

Fischl nearly slips out a laugh, trying with her upmost ability to refrain from rolling all over the floor.

You blink away your tears of almost-laughter, casually sliding in twenty mora across the table dividing you two. If she's a whoroscope whore like you say she is, she'll definitely put it in her bra.

Mona raises a brow, but her eyes linger on the bill for a second too much. "What makes you think I'll do it for money?"

"That's simple," You say, rolling your eyes. "When you see mora, you cling to it like a baby clings to a tit. Now just take it and solve my issues."

She fumes a litany of curses but snatches the money up anyways.

"What do you want?"

You breathe in, then out. "I need a talisman."

Mona raises a brow, hand on her hip. "I'm sorry. Did I get that right?"

How dare she. You will your eye into not twitching, the beginnings of fire thrumming through your veins, scalding hot. How dare she make me repeat myself.

"You know, the thing to fend off evil spirits," Your statement hangs heavy in the air as the cogs in their brains click into place. "I need one that can remove the most evilest thing times ten to the power of twenty five on this planet."

Everyone immediately thinks of Hu Tao.

Chongyun is the first to speak from an area of expertise, seemingly shocked at your words. "Are you sure you want a talisman that powerful? How bad is the evil spirit you've come across?"

You glance out the window, through the semi-open blinds. The apprehension curls in your stomach once you spot Childe chasing Aether with safety scissors, and you've never been more sure of than anything in your life.

Gulping, you turn back to the exorcist. "I'm 110% sure."

He doesn't ask any more questions and goes to fetch the talisman.

Mona clears her throat. "So I hear you have a date with Childe today. Quite the character you've taken to."

"Oh please," You hiss through your teeth, your blood pressure going up tenfold, "you're the one that told him our star signs were intertwined and that we're fated lovers."

She shrugs innocently, stance casual unlike your own that is ready to lunge an attack.

"Here you are," Chongyun hands you a talisman, a colourful mix of some charms, some kind of liquid in a bottle, and about a shitton of other things. "You'll need these if you're going to face the most demonic of all evils."

You think of Childe's stupidly handsome smirk, the playful life of his eyes, and how gentle and considerate he is with you. You think about how cruel he is to others, but how loving he can be to you.

"Oh, I will be."

—

Childe is getting his ass handed to him by Scaramouche on the switch. It's just that he can't seem to focus, not with the forthcoming date all over his mind.

He hasn't experienced these kind of jitters in a long time. Has to endure that foolish smile that's about to plaster all over his face.

Scaramouche may be a son of a bitch with an agenda, but he doesn't appreciate his acquaintances safeguarding their personal crap when it starts to leak onto him. Especially when it comes to video games.

"Okay," The short boy sighs, stretching over the staff room sofa to drop his controller on the cushions. "Let's hear it." He can't even properly enjoy his victories when Childe isn't giving it his all.

"Hear what?" Childe lays his head back, relaxing from all the strain of endless gaming during the lunch hour. He seems too relaxed for someone who's broken into the teacher's lounge.

"Why you're so distracted." Scaramouche points out. "Not that I care—hey! I'm serious here!"

Childe's cracking up for absolutely no reason, rudely cutting him off. "I'm sorry—sorry it's just so hard to take you seriously when you're wearing that stupid fucking hat."

"Don't question the drip." The older moves his head to glare at him, but the thin stripe of silk on his hat swooshes with him, and it's enough to have Childe clutching his stomach in pain as he barks out in laughter.

"Grow the fuck up." Scaramouche says, no doubt exasperated from the constant shit he gets.

"Ok—ok I'm sorry."

There's a knock on the door before Scaramouche gets the chance to intimidate him again.

"Fuck shit fuck who is that? Wasn't there a staff meeting?" Childe whisper yells, panic clear in the ocean of his eyes.

Scaramouche shrugs and downs a can of soda with no care in the world.

Childe would be nonchalant too. If it were a normal day, he wouldn't give two shits about getting caught.

However, he's looking forward to that date he has with you today. Detention is going foil all his lecherous plans.

"It's me." The feminine sound of a threat calls out from the other side. "Open the door." The clicks and clacks of her toes tapping the floor indicating her impatience.

The two sigh in relief, Childe getting up to open the door. It's way too early in the afternoon to deal with this crap.

"Surprised to see me?" Signora greets sweetly, and if not for the murderous glint in her eyes, he would smile back.

"Yeah, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times." The ginger replies, keeping a steady eye on the upperclassman in case she pulls a fast one.

The blonde shoves him aside in offence, and prances in like she owns the goddamn place. Scaramouche greets her with the bird.

"There's this rumour going around—I'm sure you've heard..."

"Oh?" Childe pockets his keys, ready for an attack, not even remotely interested in the topic.

"Something about how Y/N gave Mona a visit today" Signora muses, elegantly taking a seat on the arm of the couch, "with your date and all, I just thought you should know."

"Hah!" Scaramouche bursts out in laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe she went to get a horoscope reading on how shitty your date's gonna be."

"Get castrated." Childe growls, flipping him off on both hands.

"Now now boys," Signora's lips curl, and she clasps both manicured hands together, prepared to break the fight if it ever reaches its peak. "Settle down. You two are comrades."

"As if I'm comrades with this SIMP!" Scaramouche has to wheeze out the words.

The youngest clenches his fists, unclenches, and then lets a smirk grow. "Oh? I'm the simp? What about that time Mona pantsed you in-front of all the freshmen and you fell in love with her."

Scaramouche glares at him, a glare strong enough to have anyone shaking in their shoes. "I'm attracted at her sheer audacity of trying to fuck I, Scaramouche, the 8th harbinger, over. It takes balls."

"Mad respect." Signora leans forward to place her phone on the coffee table, then approaches Childe. "Moving on, the reason I've decided to bestow my precious intel on you is because I have a favour to ask of you."

"What?" He says blankly, confused that she has a request for him out of all people.

"I need you to let me get you ready for this date of yours." She gives him a gaze that is enough to wither away any arguments.

Childe shares a look with Scaramouche as if to say "am I fucking deaf because I sure as shit didn't just hear that."

"You sure as hell did, boys." Signora intercepts the connection of their two brainwaves with a dreaded sigh. "I hate Y/N. This is the only way I can get back at her."

"Hey!" Childe exclaims loudly, waving his hands in the air incessantly. "What makes you think I'll let you shit on my future girlfriend."

"I'll be doing nothing of the sorts." She points out, giving him a sly smile. "I just know she's terrified of what's coming. The better the date is, the more she's gonna hate herself. What more do I need but to sprinkle some inner conflict within her airtight resolve?"

As favorable as the proposal is, Childe contemplates for a second. Signora...helping him? This could work to his advantage if he plays his cards right.

His inner turmoil takes him into the future, where you two are happily married with eight and a half kids. If you ever managed to find out Signora was the culprit that was finally able to set you two up, you'd never forgive him.

"Nah I'll take a hard pass." He doesn't want to think about divorce and custody battles this early on. He'd rather face the brunt of Signora's wrath.

Scaramouche chooses right then to make a tactical withdrawal out through the window since he doesn't want to be a witness to a murder he hasn't caused.

Surprisingly— "Fine then." Signora shrugs, unbothered when summoning out a minty juul from no where. She's disappointed nonetheless.

Childe tilts his head, perplexed, but decides against mulling over it for too long. Instead, he strides off to the door, wanting to get the last two periods over with so he can run home and freshen up for this date.

"Oh and Childe?" Signora calls out to him, but he barely acknowledges her, only pausing momentarily without looking back. "A piece of friendly advice. A diligent student like Y/N, there's no way she'd be into rash things like fighting. So try and control yourself, hmm?"

He flashes the senior a sheepish smile, the front row tickets to the illegal underground fight-club burning in the back pocket of his pants.

—

Childe conceals near the bushes by the gate, expertly hiding his shaking hands by pretending to look for something in his back. His goal isn't to seem desperate, even though he's raced out here at the speed of light after Havria's dismissal.

It's not like he's trying to eavesdrop or anything. He just wants a little insight on how you're feeling about this, in case the rumors of you visiting the occult club wasn't a farce.

From his peripheral, he spots you and a familiar figure that is Lisa, leisurely walking side by side as you approach the main side walk.

"Ready for your date, Y/N? You've been daydreaming all afternoon." Lisa winks, and dodges the shove you send her way with experience like no other.

"Yes, daydreaming about punching you in the face." Your left eye twitches in annoyance as you fix your hold on your skateboard.

"Well then, I'll be off—ah!"

The gorilla grip you have on her sleeve takes away all the time she has to get on the last bus she's about to miss.

Your utter strength is enough to make Childe's knees weak. How pathetic he thinks.

"Oh no you don't," You say in a sing-song voice, "you got me into this, so you're going to help."

"Help with what?" Lisa fakes a hard pout as she bats her lashes, trying to collect pity points.

"I—" You inhale, loosening your grip on her and averting your eyes nervously to see if anyone's watching. "Don't make me say it."

The older girl motions for you to continue, and you're sure you've suffered more for less at this point.

"I've never...been on a..." The sentence ends in a trailed murmur.

Childe doesn't think he's ever seen you so flustered. He's about to snap a picture for later, but decides against it. They'll be plenty of moments later on to see your cute expressions.

Lisa's grin is both seductive and terrifying, Childe notices. "You've never been on a date?"

"Shut up!" You hiss, dropping your board so you can cover her lips with your palm, eyes darting around your surroundings frantically. "Not so loud."

He has to bite at his fist to hide his amusement.

As if she has a sixth sense, Lisa's eyes somehow find Childe's through the abundance of leaves, and there's a glint in her eyes that nearly makes him shart his pants.

"Of course Y/N," She replies sweetly to you, who is currently unaware of the staring match going on. "I'll teach you everything you need to know...and more."

Childe doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Nor does he want to find out.

—

You ponder on what's taking him so long, more on edge than you usually are. Thankfully, Lisa basically pried your hair down from its usual up-do. Said something about how you can hide your lack of shits given as to not offend him.

Except you think you're giving more shits that you expected to. Why else would your heart be pounding so hard?

"What took you so long?" You sense him creeping up on you, ceasing his chance to pounce.

Childe groans playfully and slaps a hand over his face as he comes into view. "How'd you know?"

"You have a douche-styled gait." You reply as you remove your gaze off your phone to approach him.

He's prepared to shoot a witty reply, but it dies halfway through his throat when he procures a good look at you. Your hair frames your face elegantly, eyes shining despite the tiredness that's so clear, all complete with a cooling spring dress that hugs you just right.

Mouth going dry, he forgets how to speak the common tongue, unable to tear his gaze off your form.

You shift in place awkwardly. "Uh are you okay? Looking a little...blank."

"Sorry—sorry just thinking." Childe stumbles over his words like the complete idiot and a half he is, berating himself countlessly on the inside. He regains his confidence once he spots the light dust on your cheeks. "You ready for the best date ever?"

"The best date huh?" It's the first time you smile today, and he swears his heart leaps in his rib cage. You're the prettiest thing he's ever laid his eyes on. "I'm ready. I better not be disappointed."

"I wouldn't dare disappoint, girlie." He feigns mock offence as dramatically as possible. "I'll show you how to have some real fun. Cool keychain by the way, for good luck?"

It's one of the charms Chongyun urged you to carry with you at all times to keep all forms of evil away.

"Yeah...something like that."

The two of you ease into the walk in a relatively comfortable fashion, contributing with lively chatter and a few jabs here and there. It's not awkward at all, not like you thought it would be. Your nerves loosen up, mind diverting from the roots of the stress of high school.

"—And you won't believe what Kaeya did the other day. I'm telling you there's something wrong with him because that SoundCloud rapper wannabe Venti goaded him into birdboxing through the hallways at lunch."

"And the son of a bitch did it?"

"The son of a bitch did it." Childe confirmed, gasping through his laughs as the two of you converse in psychobabble. "And guess who he bumped into?"

You're choking in laughter, tears in your eyes as you hunch over and shake. "He didn't. Childe—no he didn't."

"Straightttt into Diluc. And he had the balls to feel him up because he thought he bumped into a hot bab—"

Childe crashes into a sturdy chest and stumbles backwards towards you, but manages to catch his balance midway. Both of you freeze when faced with a buff guy from another school, bandages on his fist and a crooked smirk on his face.

Fuck. You think. Classic high school cliché.

Realizing he can't risk the remainder of this date when it hasn't even begun, Childe raises a hand in apology, aiming to be the bigger person instead of socking the kid in the face.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking." He offers to the guy, but you can tell he isn't buying any of it. There are about four more kids who group, a setup that isn't going to end in your favour.

"Hey punk. You don't remember me?" The upperclassmen barks out, glaring holes into your date.

You deadpan towards Childe, but he's too is racking his brain to remember. Ends up shrugging with no recollection.

"I have a list of names but they're in my other pants." Shit, what an a-grade reply. Now you know you're done for. "Listen dude, I'm kind of on a date and the vibe is going great. Don't ruin it."

"It's a good thing she's here to watch then!" The guy yells, stomping so that he's right in-front of Childe, ready to pounce. "You humiliated me in front of my gang last week. I'm here to rip you a new one."

Childe blinks, tries to remember, and when he doesn't, he grabs a wad full of cash from the his Fanny pack and throws it at the guy's feet.

Everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets, including yours at the amount of money placed there casually on the crack of the dirty sidewalk.

"Hopefully this is enough for the damages." Childe offers, aiming to not further escalate the situation albeit how pissed he is right now. If you weren't here...well that would be another, much more violent story.

With a soft tug, Childe brings you close and begins to pass the guy, until he's abruptly stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

"I don't think so!" The guys barks, and his lackeys move to surround you two. "You gotta pay taxes too buddy." Oh he's getting way too comfortable now.

A feral smile grows on Childe's face as he looks over his shoulder. "Oh?"

"Yeah shithead." The guy seethes, puffing out his chest to size him up.

Childe itches for a fight. He can no longer keep in the urge and is just about ready to raise a heavy fist, but is beaten by the sound of a loud thwack, and then a painful groan following.

There you are, standing in front of the trembling asshole, spinning your crossbody bag in circles like it's a nunchuck in all it's glory. There's a deadly glint in your eyes, pure, unadulterated vexation in your features.

If Childe could fall for you any harder, it's probably happening now. In that exact moment, his heart beats in his ears uncontrollably, and there's nothing but raw adoration that piles up all at once.

You're an angel of destruction, a force not to be reckoned with, and shit, you're the eye of the fucking storm.

Fire courses through your veins as you pulverize the guy with your bag, swinging with such expertise it has Childe in awe. "He may be an absolute idiot for not remembering—"

"Hey girlie you're killing me here!" Your date snaps out of his astonishment temporarily.

"—but you don't get to call him a shithead, you asshole!" You snarl angrily, gripping the handle of your bag tightly, decking everyone that lunges at you, letting out strings of curses with every hit. Every hit sends a flock of them either stumbling back in pain, or knocked out completely.

Childe doesn't even get a chance to lift a finger by the time you're done violating them with your heavy ass pink bag. Stands there like an absolute loser.

"Apologize." You pant, prepared to send another flurry of attacks at the leader, who is crawling away with a battered face. "Apologize or I'll—I'll fucking Russian neck tie your ass."

"S-sorry!" The guy whimpers out and tries not to piss his pants at the threat.

Childe is still in too much shock at the whole ordeal to reply, short circuiting.

Another thirty seconds pass until he registers the smaller hand waving in front of his face. He catches your cold hand through his haze, brings it closer.

Running a free hand through his locks, he doesn't hide his astonishment. "You're fucking gorgeous, girlie." He whistles lowly, eyeing you with a new kind of regard.

"I-I uh." Your face is all shades of red by now, the adrenaline from kicking ass wearing down. "Let's go."

"How is that bag so heavy?" One of the fallen gasps out in pain, clutching his ribs as he trembles on the floor. "Like a buh-brick."

A part of your zipper in open, and Childe briefly peeks out of morbid curiosity. His jaw slackens. "Is that a...no, it can't be."

"It's a brick." You murmur guiltily, gnawing at your bottom lip. "Just in case." Fingers tentatively play with the straps.

Childe is head over heels by now, all smitten as a foreign warmth bubbles up in his throat, and he's just about sure he'll puke his heart out.

His next words are picked out carefully. "There's an underground fight club going on—"

You lock and aim for his right kidney.

Worth a try, Childe thinks.

"SIKE. Joking—joking. Just a joke." He insists, gloved hands raised by his ears in defence.

Clicking your tongue, you scowl and rush past him.

It hasn't even been an hour and it's been the most exciting date Childe's ever experienced. When he sees your lips twitch, he knows it's the same for you as well.

"Are we going or not?" You mumble, avoiding eye contact, a tinge of red still decorating your cheeks.

Childe crumbles into his hands at your deadly duality. One that comes for his enemies and one that comes straight for his heart.

#genshin impact #genshin impact oneshot #childe x reader #childe #genshin tartagalia #genshin oneshot #tartagila #mona genshin impact #Chonghyun #kaeya alberich #master diluc #venti genshin impact #fischl #lisa genshin impact #jean gunnhildr #fanfic

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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 3 years

Text

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

#ultimate note #whomst #wu xie #dmbj #the lost tomb #pingxie #iron triangle

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makeste · 4 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 280: I Am Red Riot

Previously on BnHA: The pro heroes over at Gunga Mountain struggled against Gigantomachia and the League until finally Midnight was all, “fuck it, let’s just put the kids in charge.” Momo immediately got to work organizing a sophisticated counteroffensive involving an exploding swamp, a bunch of sedative cans, and a massive coordinated team attack. I gotta tell you guys, it’s really something to watch a large-scale group attack in which all of the team members are actually competent. I don’t know what Japan put in the water when all these sixteen-year-olds were growing up, but that shit has paid off big time, and basically the only reason Machia hasn’t gone down yet is because he cheated and was all “sneeze” and the kids all got blown away because they are little and because he is really, really big. Anyway so then Dabi set the forest on fire because he loves doing that, and the chapter ended with Mina using her Acid Man attack to make herself FUCKIN’ FIREPROOF so she could charge through the woods ready to save the day and stuff!

Today on BnHA: Mina launches herself straight at Machia like the beautiful corrosive wild child she is, but then everything goes to shit when she recognizes him from that one time she almost got murdered while giving a strange man directions. Just when it’s looking like she might get killed for real this time, KIRISHIMA SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY AND SHOVES HER TO SAFETY AND IS ALL “BOTTOMS UP” AND HEAVES A LITERAL CAN OF WHOOPASS RIGHT IN MACHIA’S MOUTH. At this point the grown-ups are all “oh wow look at that, time for us to take over for you kids now, don’t worry we’ve got it all under control” because Oh Those Wacky Pros and all that, but at least Majestic finally deigns to show his face so that’s a plus! The chapter ends with us cutting back to the Jakku battle, where Tomura is curled up in a little ball all “curse you heroes, how dare you [checks notes] save people all the time”, which is a real take and a half. Anyway so things are looking up, which can only mean everyone is about to die. That’s how it works, right. Shit.

HOLY SHIT LOL

THIS IS MINA. SHE’S REALLY COOL AND SHE CAN MELT PEOPLE. um, the hell kind of tagline is that?? holy fucking shit?? “melt and succumb”?? IS THE SUCCUMB PART REALLY NECESSARY. IS THAT NOT ALREADY IMPLIED. it’s like saying “die and then perish”, which actually sounds really badass and I’m about to make it my new go-to threat actually so you know what never mind. where the fuck were we anyway

“IS EVERYONE SAFE” some absurdly bad-at-gauging-situations kid from class B is yelling while the forest is on fire and all the kids are recovering from having been catapulted fifty miles by King Dodongo’s windy yeet breath. of course they are safe, sweet child. of course everyone is absolutely fine, why the fuck would they possibly not be safe after something like that

KAMINARI NOOO MY POOR SWEET BABY

AT LEAST HE’S STILL CONSCIOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE STUPID JOKES. holy shit this baby got concussed to hell and back and then Machia turned him and the others into precipitation and he wasn’t in any kind of state to even try to land safely, I hope to god someone caught him

Sero is all “is there anyone still in range!” and damn, I like that he’s taking charge and trying to regain their momentum. he is so criminally underrated. I feel like he’s in the top six or seven of class 1-A kids who I would most trust to take charge. which is very high praise because that class has a lot of charge-taking kids

SPEAKING OF

it “probably” can’t get through her acid, she says. my god. sometimes the spirit of Plus Ultra just takes ahold of these kids and it’s like, I want to ruffle their hair proudly and then grab them by the shoulders and shake them vigorously because WHERE EVEN IS YOUR SELF-PRESERVATION WHY DO NONE OF YOU HAVE IT GODDAMMIT AIZAWA REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPELLED YOU GUYS AFTER ALL

man. and yet I really do love this “be the one who can do it” stuff. what a heroic fucking attitude dfjfklks. I’ll just go put on my humongous sandwich board that reads GIANT FUCKING HYPOCRITE and go stand in the corner

damn it this week’s scan is annoyingly dark, it’s really hard to tell what’s going on but it looks like the pros are attacking Machia and the League at long last. way to go guys it only took you seven years but you finally hopped to it

MINA WHY IS THE ACID COMING OFF OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. PUT IT BACK!!!

I KNOW SHE’S NOT GONNA DIE DAMMIT BUT AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH

okay what the hell is up with these weird zen proverbs though

“your fear stricken heart”, “the shortest path”, what the fuck even is this. whose thoughts are these. normally these translations are honestly decent enough but I gotta say this time around I’m totally being thrown for a loop lmao

(ETA: FYI I’m only just now realizing that he was saying the shortest path to Master, as in Tomura, not “master” as in to master something fjkldjskf lol some delayed reading comprehension there. so basically he’s just bitching about how annoying these little “flies” are proving to be.)

JESUS CHRIST

okay is it just me, or is Gigantomachia suddenly showing intelligence in his eyes instead of mindless animal instinct the single most pants-shitting thing you’ve ever seen?!! holy shit. the way he just LOOKS at her out of nowhere all of a sudden?? holy fucking shit DO NOT HURT MT. LADY OH MY GOD I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. AND DON’T YOU DARE HURT MINA EITHER!! JUST FUCKING DIE AND PERISH

but also though, is that recognition in Mina’s eyes?? because even though this dude is 80 feet tall now, her encounter with him a couple years back had to have been one of the more memorable experiences of her young life. damn I was wondering when this would finally come into play

OKAY YES THE NEXT PAGE IS A FLASHBACK OH SHIT

this has nothing to do with anything but Mina just has the prettiest hair, btw, and this “just woke up covered in acid” look is a particularly good one on her. it looks so soft and fluffy, like damn. this is like Shouto-hair-billowing-in-the-wind levels of pretty here

NOOOOO

oh my god holy shit?! putting her back in the school uniform to show the slip in her mentality is a PUNK MOVE, HORIKOSHI, and I respect the shit out of you for it you manipulative bastard. goddammit. bracing myself for the incoming wave of Mina feels... here they come... they’re a lot... let’s see if I can latch on to anything I can actually figure out how to describe in words

okay well here’s one, my respect for Mina’s bravery just went up like a thousand percent in this instant, because now we know this was actually such a traumatizing event for her that hearing Machia’s voice again years later immediately sent her into a full-blown flashback. she was that scared and yet she still stood up to him and didn’t hesitate. and now I’m remembering how her knees just buckled right afterwards, and just...

and this visual, though!! what a brutally effective way to show that in her mind she went right back to being that scared middle schooler again for a moment. god fucking damn. holy shit you guys is Kirishima fireproof because if he comes waltzing out of the woods next I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. lolo kids getting traumatized left and right this arc is fucking merciless

um eXCUSE ME!?!?!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LET GO OF HER RIGHT NOW OR I AM GONNA LOSE IT!!

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

holy shit he could have fucking snapped her neck like that??! I don’t like this at ALL WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY SERIOUSLY

I’M GONNA NEED ANOTHER KID TO STEP IN HERE WITH A LAST MINUTE SAVE LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR I AM GOING TO THROW MY COMPUTER OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND MOVE TO THE DESERT AND BECOME A HERMIT AND NEVER READ MANGA ON THE INTERNET AGAIN

OH THANK GOD

TODAY WE SPELL “REDEMPTION” K-I-R-I... ETC. THERE’S A LOT OF LETTERS BUT YOU GET THE DRIFT!!!

holy fucking shit y’all. I mean, it’s not like it came out of nowhere, like the setup could not have been more obvious, but let me assure you that none of the predictability lessened the actual impact of this moment in the SLIGHTEST. Horikoshi really wrote a flashback scene one hundred and thirty five chapters ago and planted it, watered it once a day, and patiently waited for THREE LONG YEARS until he could finally harvest the badass fruits of his labor in the midst of his most epic arc to date. I’m so fucking hyped I’ll even forgive him for sacrificing Mina’s big moment and having her get rescued, because it’s such a good reversal. he didn’t freeze up this time. he promised himself he’d never freeze again and he didn’t and he saved her and god fucking damn. anyways so now Machia is going to treat him like a fucking action figure though but he’s a solid little dude he can take it hopefully

NO WHAT IS THIS!!! STOP KILLING MY MOOD!!!

she better not be dead!! SHE BETTER NOT FUCKING BE DEAD I WILL RUN MY PC THROUGH A PAPER SHREDDER AND GO AND LIVE ALONE WITH MY FEELS ON A MOUNTAIN IN TIBET

CHINTETSU!!

well we know he’s fireproof. another callback at the least expected of times lmao

so Tetsu’s all “yeah Kirishima’s not really all that fireproof but he totally ran over here anyway to save you. oh wait that probably wasn’t very comforting of me to say.” maybe that’s why it seems like he might not have actually said it out loud, now that I’m reading this over again. good call Tetsu

ARE YOU STANDING UP AND CASUALLY STRETCHING OUT YOUR BACK

I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HATE THIS GUY RIGHT NOW. WE’RE REACHING LEVELS OF HATRED RESERVED FOR NAZIS AND PEOPLE WHO WALK TOO SLOWLY IN FRONT OF ME IN A GROUP SHOULDER TO SHOULDER INSTEAD OF SINGLE FILE SO I CAN PASS IN FRONT OF THEM. YOU’RE A FUCKING TOURIST IN NYC YOU PIECE OF SHIT

lmao he’s just dropping this random hero person and letting him fall to his doom wheeeeee

remind me to leave all of the League of Villains’ texts on read for the foreseeable future. goddamn. I still love you guys but also, fuck you so damn hard

OHO A LIL RED SCALY BOI ISN’T DONE YET!!

real talk, just between you and me, I’ll lower my voice so that Kirishima can’t hear. so uh. we all agree that even if Kiri is fireproof and squishproof, that little can of tranquilizer juice technically shouldn’t have been, right? but we’re all going to hush and pretend like it was anyway for the sake of not spoiling his big moment. even though I am crossing my arms and tapping my chin with my finger while doubtfully glancing to the side

anyway here he goes!

YEAH KIRI GO GETTIM [stage whisper] there it is, in his pocket. should’ve burned. we won’t discuss it

OH FOR FUCK’S

TOGA YOU LITTLE WIENER BUT WHAT’S THIS ABOUT “MY HALF” NOW????

DID HE GRAB MINA’S MID-AIR?? IS HE REALLY REACHING INTO HIS BACK POCKET AND FUCKING UNZIPPING IT RIGHT NOW WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING AND PRESUMABLY FALLING THROUGH THE AIR. DID A LITTLE BIT OF OCHAKO’S QUIRK RUB OFF ON YOU OR WHAT

OH SNAP SON HE REALLY DID THE THING HOLY SHIT???

AND TOKAGE FLEW OVER AND SAVED HIM AND NOW TANKS ARE SHOOTING AT MACHIA, LMAO WHAT IS THIS. MOMO HOW MANY GUNS DID YOU MAKE

Shouji standing there trying to be useful any way he can. are eyeballs really that much more effective if you make them the size of tennis balls and hold them up above your head. legit question, I don’t really know how eyes work

okay after 45 seconds of googling this my impression is that no, they are not. well good on you for giving it the old college try anyway though Shouji

oH MY GODLKDLK?!?!

DID SHE SAY WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID, DID SHE SAY MAJESTIC, ARE WE GONNA SEE MASJKESLTKCI DSFLKJL

oh my god he really is the Magic Man dude??? TIME TO DUST OFF MY INVENTORY OF ADVENTURE TIME QUOTES

(ETA: AHH FATGUM AND GANG ORCA ARE THERE TOO YESSSS!)

“that’s enough depending on some interns” oh, okay. now that they’ve done all your work for you. I see, I see

so now Gigantomachia is LITERALLY UNHINGING HIS JAW I can’t fucking believe this dude you guys. everything he does is just like, ARE YOU SERIOUS

please go to sleep already. thanks to you I have my keyboard set to capslock as the default for the duration of this chapter

ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU FUCKING WAITED UNTIL MAGIC FUCKING MAN SHOWED UP TO TEACH US MAGICAL LIFE LESSONS AND NOW YOU’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE TOMURA FIGHT?? WHY DO WE KEEP LETTING THIS MAN GET AWAY WITH THIS

oh my god you guys they really fucking did it

I guess that Howitzer slash fire punch combo really was that potent huh

anyway so now Endeavor is standing there making a big speech instead of reaching into Tomura’s pocket and taking the bullets that he doesn’t know about and shooting him with one asap. dammit Endeavor

aaaaand Tomura is firing back with the wisdom of Shimura Fucking Kotaro of all people

well you sure convinced me. damn I don’t know what I was thinking. heroes suck you guys. how dare they help other people all the time

so now he’s all “PERIOD, EXCLAMATION POINT!!”

take that Endeavor. you heard the man. it’s not destruction without conviction, as god as his witness he will have you know it is destruction WITH conviction. something something the great sage Shimura “I hurt my family for absolutely no reason at all, fuck this ‘helping others’ bullshit” Kotaro. I hope you packed your textbooks because you just got SCHOOLED. I hope the person who ordered you signed up for delivery notifications because you just got SENT. I HOPE YOU LIKE CAPITALISM BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT OWNED. I HOPE YOU CHOSE PAPER AND NOT SCISSORS BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT ROCKED

what an absolutely, unreservedly bizarre place to end the chapter lol. we’re really just done with this week, just like that. Majestic showed up and Gigantomachia opened his chin like a garage door and Tomura is all “you may have won the battle but you suck” while he buys time for Aizawa to suddenly sneeze or something so he can make his terrible comeback and continue Horikoshi’s Traumatize Every Kid in Class 1-A 2020 campaign. what an arc this is my friends. what an arc

#bnha 280 #ashido mina #kirishima eijirou #gigantomachia #shigaraki tomura #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #I didn't even notice the extra page on readheroaca until I was getting ready to click 'post' lol #something about ochako mistaking a real orca for their friendly teacher #resulting in a hilarious case of mistaken identity #I have no idea what this page is about or what it is doing there #but at this point 'because 2020' seems like a reasonable explanation for just about anything tbh

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waywardodysseys · 4 years

Text

Eight Days of Christmas - Day 5

I Never Knew the Meaning of Christmas

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x female reader

Warnings: cussing, fluff, naughty innuendos

Summary: Your ninth Christmas with Ransom Drysdale.

Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4

(divider by @firefly-graphics)

Pots clang together as you pull a stack of baking trays from a cabinet. You have plenty to help with what you are to accomplish tonight - baking sweet treats with your husband while your three-month-old son, Oliver, watches from the sidelines.

A loud cry and gurgle make you turn towards your brown-haired, blue-eyed son. He’s sitting in his highchair watching you gather materials. “I’m sorry, Oli. I hate loud noises too.” You walk over and place a kiss on his soft cheek. “Daddy will be home soon.” You move back over to the kitchen island as soft Christmas music floods the kitchen from the Bluetooth speaker on the other side of the room. You grab your list and begin making sure you have all you need as the front door opens and closes.

After hanging up his coat, Ransom wanders into the kitchen. “Whoa! How much are we making this year?” Ransom inquires as he walks in and sees the kitchen island covered with various baking ingredients and supplies, he then places a kiss atop Oliver’s head. He smiles as his son smiles wide and toothless towards his dad. “You’re a lucky fella, Oli. Getting to spend your entire day with momma,” he pauses then mutters under his breath, “when it should be me.”

You shake your head and lightly laugh, “Well at least Christmas break officially begins for you next week. So, I’m sure you’ll get enough time with both Oli and me before you have to return back to work in the new year.”

Ransom walks over and wraps his arms around you. “What you makin’?” He pushes your hair aside and presses his lips against your neck.

“Cookies and those pecans both of our families love to devour.” You pause. “I gotta make a batch for my office too. Oli and I are going to visit them on Monday.”

“No pies?”

You spin in his arms and face him. “Last year you,” you pressed a finger against his chest as you emphasized the word, “Mister Drysdale, tried to make a pie and it turned out horrible. And burnt. We’re sticking to cookies and the pecans.”

Ransom laughs, “Not my fault someone was extremely turned on by seeing me cook!” His hands squeeze your hips. “You know how turned on I get just by seeing you. Missus Drysdale.”

You slap Ransom’s chest playfully, “There’s a child present!”

Ransom grins then kisses you softly. He whispers, “It won’t stop you later.” He smiles against your lips when he hears your soft, low moan. He knows he has you wrapped around his finger because he’s wrapped around yours. “And you know I won’t stop you.”

You needed air. Your body’s heated from his words and actions. You step out of his arms and grab a mixing bowl so you may begin. “You’re incorrigible, Ransom.”

He smirks, “Only with you.” His stomach growls loudly then he frowns and looks at the kitchen, “What about dinner?”

“We can order in. I’m not trusting you with cooking anything when I have to bake.”

Ransom shrugs and huffs jokingly, “Okay. Okay.” He smiles then eyes the kitchen island. He rubs his hands together, “Where shall we begin?”

A couple of hours later, the entire house is smelling of cinnamon-sugar pecans and sugar cookies. Ransom is nearly covered in flour because it slipped out of his hands when he was trying to open it by ripping it open when you suggested he just cut the top of it off. Of course, he didn't listen, and the bag dropped and burst open. You laughed; glad you had bought extra. Oliver laughed loudly at his father’s accident too. Ransom turns towards his son, “I thought you’d be on my side, Oli!”

Oliver laughs again, kicking out his legs and hands. Ransom chuckles and goes over to his son’s side. “You and I gotta stick together. We gotta keep momma on her toes.”

You look over and see Ransom tracing Oliver’s cheeks with a finger. You smile, knowing he’s already a good father and will continue to be one. “What about making a cake? Think you can do that?” you inquire.

Ransom looks at you, brow raised. “What happened to my wife? She said I wasn’t to make anything,” he stresses that particular word like you had earlier, “while she baked.”

You laugh, “Maybe I want to see my husband doing something in the kitchen. You know give me some, uh, motivation for later?” You look at him with a sly smile then playfully wink.

Ransom stands hurriedly, “Well, if that’s what gets me…” He stops when you give him a glaring look. He shrugs and chuckles, “I don’t think he can understand us, sweetheart.” He points back to Oliver.

“Says you,” you respond as Ransom opens cabinets doors looking for a clean mixing bowl since a few are already in the sink. “Ah! Found one!” he exclaims as he brings it out then places it on the counter. He then shuffles over to the pantry and finds a boxed cake mix. There’s no way he was following a recipe card for a made from scratch cake. Besides, no one really could tell the difference. “Who’s getting this cake?”

You’ve returned your focus to what you were doing a few moments ago. You slice the store-bought rolled sugar cookie dough then place them on baking sheets. You dunk some of the raw cookie dough into a bowl of sprinkles, while others go directly to the baking sheet, they would be decorated with icing after they come out of the oven. “Take it to work. Show people you care.”

Ransom scoffs, “I make sure they get their bonuses, make sure the Christmas party is hosted in some lavish hotel. I do care.” He walks back to your side, sneaks a piece of the raw cookie dough, and scarves it down. “I still don’t get why we have to make goodies. The store sells its own!” he remarks.

“I saw that,” you utter softly. You then counter his remark by stating, “And because it’s the thought that counts Ransom. Have you not learned that yet?”

“I’ve learned it. You’ve taught me well, sweetheart.” He presses a kiss against your cheek.

“Then I shouldn’t hear any complaining,” you tease before you give him a quick peck on the cheek in return.

Ransom scoffs, “Well, at least the thought counted when I gifted you with a baby last Christmas.”

“Hugh Ransom Drysdale!” you exclaim with a laugh.

Ransom shrugs and smirks, “What! It’s true!” He begins to gather the ingredients he needs and proceeds to place them all in the bowl, along with the cake mix. “How do I mix this?”

“Seriously, Ransom? The electric mixer is in the pantry. Did you get a pan ready?”

“Knew I was missing something,” Ransom remarks as he heads back to the pantry and grabs the mixer. He searches for a cake pan, greases it then sets it aside. He goes back to where the bowl is the mixer. “Where are the--”

“Utensil drawer,” you answer.

“Thanks, sweetheart.”

You hum in response then watch as he has a somewhat difficult time putting the beaters into their designated holes in the mixer. You laugh and begin to say something but are stopped by his words: “Don’t even say it.”

“I don't know what you’re talking about.”

Ransom rolls his eyes, “Well, you were either going to say something about how I can’t get these things in their holes,” he grimaces realizing what he just said. “Or something even dirtier than that.”

You snort, “I guess you’ll never know.”

Ransom finally gets the beaters in place and turns on the mixer. He realizes he might get batter all over him, so he turns it off then places the mixer into the bowl and turns it on. He proudly smiles to himself as he begins to move the bowl with his hands slowly, like he’d see you do plenty of times, making sure he gets the entire mixture thoroughly mixed together before pouring into the pan. Finally! Something I can do!

“My husband might indeed get lucky tonight,” you state as you take out a baking sheet filled with pecans coated in a cinnamon-sugar concoction. You then place the baking sheet full of uncooked cookies in the oven.

“You gave me something easy, Y/N.” Ransom retorts.

“I know. I wasn't about to give you something hard to do.”

“I’ll give you something hard later tonight,” Ransom states as he looks at you and wiggles his eyebrows.

You shake your head and laugh as you begin stirring the pecans. Oliver laughs bubbly as he moves his eyes between his mother and father. You look at your son. “Don’t ever ask your daddy to cook you anything Oli.”

“Hey! I can use the microwave!” Ransom boasts as he finishes mixing the batter. He sets the mixer aside. He absentmindedly reaches for the plug and unplugs it. He then empties the batter into the cake pan and makes sure it evenly spreads out. ‘No one wants an uneven cake’ your words echoing in his head. “May I put this in the oven?”

“Yes.” you reply as you move out of the way.

After Ransom places the pan in the oven and sets a timer, he walks back over to the mixer. He pushes down on the button to release the beaters, but instead he turns it on, and batter begins to fly everywhere. “Fuck! I thought I unplugged this! What the…,” he seethes as he reaches over and finally unplugs the correct cord. He then examines the cord he did unplug, which was to the coffee maker.

You begin laughing and Oli joins in with his spirited giggles.

“It’s not funny!” Ransom exclaims as he frustratedly presses the button, takes out the beaters then places them in the sink. “GODdamn it!” He begins mumbling curses under his breath as you and Oli continue with your laughter.

You grab a dish towel and walk over to him. You pull on his sweater to make him look at you. You smile as you wipe away some of the batter on his neck and chin. You see a smear of batter on Ransom’s cheek and you lick it off. You moan, “Tastes good.”

“Hopefully, you’re talking about me,” Ransom pridefully remarks.

“The batter. I already know you taste good.” you state then are enveloped in Ransom’s arms. “You still have batter on your clothes!”

Ransom chuckles, “All the more reason to discard them later!”

You slip out of Ransom’s arms as your timer dings for the cookies. You grab them out of the oven and place the baking sheet on a cooling rack. You watch as Ransom walks over to his son and gets him out of his highchair. Oliver smiles and clings onto Ransom’s sweater as the two men walk over to the stove.

“Nearly time to put you to bed Oli. Your momma and I have plans.” Ransom happily states as Oli moves his hands against Ransom’s sweater, finding some batter. He looks at it wide eyed. Ransom smiles then takes his own hand and pretends to lick it. “It’s fine. I promise. Probably better than what momma gives you.”

Oli grins from ear to ear as he looks at his dad. He presses his hand to his mouth and wipes his hand all over his face, which causes the batter to smear across Oliver’s face. Ransom chuckles as he finds some paper towels and wipes it all away.

You look at your husband and son. Your heart overflows with emotion as you take them in and take in this moment. You stop what you’re doing, walk over to them, and cup one of Ransom’s cheeks then cup Oliver’s cheek with your other hand. “I love both my boys. Thankful for each of you.” You press a kiss against Ransom’s cheek. You then kiss Oliver’s cheek. “Thankful the love of my life gave me the most beautiful son in the world.” You wouldn’t trade either of them for anyone else. You then burrow into Ransom, wrap an arm around him, and keep a hand against Oliver’s cheek.

Ransom keeps Oliver glued to one side with one arm while the other snakes around your frame. He presses a kiss to Oliver’s forehead. He then presses a kiss to your temple. “I’m thankful for a loving wife who’s given me the gift of a son and a family. Who’s shown me what Christmas really means.”

A soft melody of music begins to fill the air. Ransom smiles, familiar with the song now playing. How fitting. He hums along with the tune as you and he begin slowly swaying to the music. When the chorus begins, Ransom whispers while looking deep into your eyes, “I never knew the meaning of Christmas until you came into my life.”

You smile in return. Infusing this into your memory bank, knowing eventually Christmas will become Ransom’s favorite holiday, and time of year.

#eight days of christmas #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale fanfiction #ransom drysdale x y/n #christmas series #ransom drysdale x reade #eight days of christmas day 5

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lunarkittens · 3 years

Text

now you’re on your own (won’t you come back home?) (2/?)

Word Count: (In this part) 2,035

Pairings: Gen

Rating: T

Summary: Dean doesn’t believe in fate. But it is a strange coincidence that the one time Dean is ever in California, pointedly trying not to think about his little brother hours away in Palo Alto, he gets a voicemail saying Sam’s in the hospital. Pre-Series.

Sam leaves two days later with the doctor’s approval. Dean lets Sam lean on him as he walks him to the car and it brings back a flood of memories. This weight is familiar, this bent posture and bodily support.

Last time he did this, it was a hunt. A werewolf got the drop on Sam while he was looking out for John. Sam was younger then, looked more fragile, and despite all the hours of sparring Dean still found himself thinking that if Sam were to get thrown around, he’d shatter into a million pieces.

It’s funny how the feeling resurfaces at the most inconvenient times.

It’s not funny how it seems to take near-death experiences to bring the Winchesters back together. If Sam heard him say that, he’d say that Dean was being dramatic, that appendectomies are a routine procedure and people get them done all the time. Yeah, Dean would say. Well, most people aren’t you, are they?

Sam sits down gingerly and a little hunched over. He can’t sit up too straight or he’ll tear the stitches. Dean starts the car and risks a small smile at Sam, who’s wincing as he shifts his weight. Some piece of him feels like it’s back in place. He can never sleep, not really, not when Sam is so far away and Dean doesn’t know what he’s getting up to, if he’s safe.

It feels good to look over at the passenger seat and have it not be empty for once. Good in a dangerous way, like it might be taken away from him.

They head to the dorm to get what little stuff Sam owns. His blanket and pillow, his backpack full of books. Some clothes. Dean shoves some guns and knives to the side and makes as much room as he can.

Dean takes a little mercy on him and plays his music more quietly than he’s used to. Sam is a bit like a horse right now, easily spooked and not to be snuck up on. Dean has to approach him very carefully. He’s scared he’ll come out of the fog of medication and realize he doesn’t want to stay with Dean after all, that he hates him too much, and Dean is trying to enjoy the time he does get with him while all too aware that it’s going to come to an end sooner rather than later.

You never can just be happy, can you, Dean? he thinks.

“Dean,” Sam says. “What is this place? I mean, how’d you find an apartment on such short notice? It’s not that easy, you know? There’s like, credit scores and interviews and everything.”

Dean laughs, turning into a parking lot.

“My friend Claire here’s dad owns these buildings. She said they’re between renters and she got her dad to swing it for us as long as I pay in advance and we don’t overstay our welcome.” Sam snorts, shaking his head.

“You’re crazy,” Sam says, and it sounds fond. Dean clears his throat against emotion and sneaks a glance to the side.

“So, uh...How you doin’? With the pain and everything.” Sam shrugs.

“I’m fine.” Dean gives him a look. “No, dude. Seriously, it’s not even bad,”

“Yeah,” Dean says. “That’s ‘cause you’re comparing it to getting your ass kicked by vengeful spirits.”

“Probably,” Sam agrees. He’s quiet for a moment, swallows and then clears his throat, eyebrows furrowing, and Dean thinks, here it is. Better to rip off the band-aid, right? At least Sam didn’t lead him on any longer, didn’t let him get all settled and happy in the new apartment first.

“Hey,” Sam begins. “I wanted to tell you...”

Dean’s hands tighten their grip on the wheel.

“Just...” Sam sighs. “Just thank you for coming, you know? I know we left on bad terms and-“ A shake of his head. “I didn’t wanna leave it like that, but Dean, I was...And then you just- I woke up and you were there, and I wanted to thank you for that.”

“Sam,” Dean says dismissively, trying to hide his surprise. “Come on,”

“No, really,” Sam insists. “It’s uh...It’s more than Dad would have done, you know? I’ve always been able to...to count on you. Always.” Dean looks at Sam then, holds the eye contact for a moment as he parks the car.

“Well, what kinda brother would I be if I missed the chance to see you in that hospital dress? A bit breezy, huh, Sammy?” Sam smiles.

“Shut up. Let’s get our stuff moved in.”

“Woah, there. I think you mean it’s time for me to get our stuff moved in.”

“Dean,”

“Sam, you just got surgery, okay? Sit down and relax for ten goddamn minutes. For me, alright?” Sam relents at that, sighs.

“Fine,” he says. Dean grins.

“Hey, there you go. This’ll only take a minute.”

After setting the things down on a couch (fully furnished apartment, thank you), Dean goes down and helps Sam get out of the car.

This would be a lot goddamn easier if Sam weren’t fucking ten feet tall but Dean manages, helps him slowly and carefully go up the stairs and threatens to redo the stitches himself if Sam tears them, just like the old days. Sam winces at the memory and says he’ll pass and Dean laughs.

“Who could ever pass up the surgical precision of Dean Winchester?”

“I could. And probably anyone else with a brain,”

“Saved your ass a few times,” Dean counters. “Sewed you up like a goddamn blouse,”

“Yeah,” Sam admits “But if it’s between you and the hospital...”

“California’s spoiled you,”

“And you disinfect cuts with Jack Daniels,”

“Ah,” Dean says wistfully. “Medicine,”

Dean holds up Sam while he twists the doorknob and pushes it the rest of the way open with his foot.

“Well, home sweet home, Sammy.”

Sam takes in his surroundings, eyebrows raising.

“You like?” Dean asks.

“Dean, it’s- It’s nice.” Dean smiles, pride or smugness. It’s fine, he thinks he deserves to have either after scoring them a place this nice. He could have just bought out a motel room, but he wanted this to be more comfortable for both of them, for it to feel like more of a home.

“You’re damn right it is. So, uh. It’s two bedrooms. One bathroom. Small kitchen connected to a living room.”

“And we’ve got it for the month?”

“Yup. This is home for the next 30 days. What time is it?” Dean asks, and Sam squints at the clock over the couch.

“3:45.”

“Okay, so it’s time for your antibiotics...What’s that face for?” he says, taking in the intense way Sam is looking at him.

“It’s just...You’re serious about this. A whole month, you and me.”

“That a problem?”

“No, it’s just...we haven’t exactly gotten along the past couple years. You think we can pull this off?”

“Are you gonna be a bitch?” Dean asks, eyebrow raised.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Sam says, annoyed. Dean throws his hands up.

“Not really seein’ the problem then.” Dean says. “Take your antibiotics, Sammy. If that gets infected you’re gonna have more pressing things to worry about than the month of hell I’m apparently subjecting you to.” Dean tries not to think about the end of the month, about driving away from him. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to do it.

“Dean,” Sam says firmly. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“Well it’s been two years, just like you said. Maybe I don’t know you anymore. Maybe you’re someone else now.” Sam bows his head. A guilt trip from Dean has always been able to get to him, age be damned. He’s a little too soft, but Dean’s not gonna beat that out of him when it works so well in his favor, and besides, the kid’s got the perfect eyes for it.

“I’m not that different.” Sam says quietly.

“Well then, Sam” Dean says gently. “I think we’re gonna be okay, here. I mean, look around us. We have a nice place here, for once. It’s not some crap motel room in the middle of nowhere, and this time...This time I can take better care of you.” Sam’s jaw clenches.

“You mean it’s not gonna be like when Dad used to abandon us?” Dean sighs.

“He was working, and you know that, Sam. But yeah,” Dean says tiredly. “I mean, I’m older. I go on hunts alone, and- and I can take care of you the right way now. I’m not some dumb little kid anymore.”

“You shouldn’t have had to do that, you know.” Sam says, and it lands hard, shatters like a plate.

“Yeah, well.” Dean says. He gets up and puts his jacket on.

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Sam says hurriedly. “Don’t leave.” Dean turns around fast, eyebrows furrowed

“Sam- No, I’m- I’m gonna be right back. I just need to get us a few things. Food and stuff like that.”

“Oh,” Sam says, looking embarrassed. “Well, I still-“

“Dude,” Dean says, hand up in the air. “Don’t worry, okay? I’m not taking off. I’ll be back in 20. Just try not to die on Day 1, okay?” Dean’s just about out the door when he hears Sam call “Could you get some vegetables at least?” and he grins to himself, closing the door behind him.

He’s smiling while he drives. Sam hadn’t wanted Dean to take off, thought he’d really pissed him off with the Dad comments, and yeah, Dean definitely didn’t enjoy those, but it wasn’t worth getting into it. They had plenty of time to fight later on and after that night when Sam left, Dean was good on fights for a long time.

He just didn’t know if he could say the same about Sam. Maybe if he avoided those hot button topics they could make it. Maybe even be brothers again, like a real family.

Dad couldn’t know, would be pissed if he knew Dean was leaving people defenseless when he could be out hunting. The problem was that Dean had some kind of big brother loophole in his sense of duty that made Sam the most important person in the world, and if John got mad about that, well. It was his fault Dean was like this in the first place.

But Sam hadn’t wanted Dean to leave, had wanted him to stay, and he thought back to Sam saying he was scared and wondered if Sam thought about Dean as much as he thought about Sam, and all that had kept them apart was some Winchester pride and a huge misunderstanding. That would be so like them, two years of radio silence just because they were both too proud to make the first call.

It never used to be that way before. They used to be close. They used to laugh and joke and be kinder to each other, and then Sam grew up and got angry and him and John were in constant shouting matches and then Sam, well, the more Dean thinks about it, Sam got kicked out. He’d thought differently for so long, but after that conversation at the hospital he’d started to see it, see that night clearly and with new eyes and he saw the look on Sam’s face and the way he closed the door timidly instead of slamming it and he knew Sam was right.

And if Dean has been 22 and afraid of losing Sam, he wondered how it must have felt to be 18 and abandoned by your family. To take a bus all the way to California alone. Sam could have gotten into the wrong car while hitchhiking, gotten attacked and died before he even made it halfway there, and Dean had been so blind with rage he hadn’t even thought about it.

Sam could have died and Dean wouldn’t have even known, would have just thought Sam cut them off and decided to never talk to them again. New horror spread throughout his chest even thought it was a hypothetical situation and one from the past anyhow, and he decided to busy himself with looking at the produce, trying to find fresh fruit and vegetables so Sam wouldn’t starve to death.

#spn #long post #it was too long so i had to break it up funny lmao😀#anyways! once again totally gen #sam is 20 dean is 24 etc #i hope you enjoy:) i’m doing my best from my phone notes sorry if it’s formatted weird and stuff #i might post another part later #i intended to post a much longer part but it got limited so #supernatural #come back home fic

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words-writ-in-starlight · 4 years

Note

Untamed TAZ Balance AU? Don't have to write anything, just consider that (is Wen Ning Lucretia in this or is he too nice for that)

NHS IS LUCRETIA, NHS IS ABSOLUTELY LUCRETIA, I HAVE THOUGHTS, my girlfriend yelled at me for these thoughts. Hell this got long, I’ve literally been saving it in my drafts until Tumblr fixed the Read More issue.

WWX is Taako, JC is Magnus, WQ is Merle, JYL is in the umbrella (became a lich to keep her brother from doing it), WN is the Red Robe (became a lich because he thought it seemed reasonable), NHS is Lucretia, XXC is Davenport, LWJ and LXC are mutually Kravitz (LXC sets his bro up with the death criminal wizard), Wen Zhuliu is John Vore, LSZ is Angus but also a baby Reaper

ONE

So Wei Wuxian isn’t really a wizard, is the thing. Like, he does the wizard magic, and apparently he has strong Wizard Vibes because wherever he travels, people ask him if he can solve their magical bullshit problems, but he’s, like, barely a wizard. He’s an inventor, technically, except that a few years back some stuff went explosively awry while he worked with this traveling show and–yeah. So he’s working as a wizard because, hey, he can cast Magic Missile and he needs to eat and he’s an Evocation specialist, anyway, so it’s not like he’s out here making food from rocks. He’s hired on with a couple other random jackasses, a fighter who took a dislike to Wei Wuxian right off the bat and a cleric with a bad temper and an itchy Sacred Flame finger, and they’re doing a job for some dwarf, or whatever. The dwarf has a guy hired on as muscle, but he doesn’t look like much, all wide eyes and baby face. He calls himself Qionglin, no last name, and stares at Wen Qing like he’s never seen a cleric before, and Jiang Cheng spends the entire trip to Phandolin messing with his whip, which is the stupidest weapon Wei Wuxian has ever seen.

Well, then everything immediately goes horribly wrong, though, and turns out that Jiang Cheng is pretty okay with that whip. Qionglin (Wei Wuxian spoke to the man all of one time, but he was sweet, if a little awkward) gets himself kidnapped by a bunch of goblins, and their employer is gods-know-where with whatever a Black Spider is, and suddenly this very boring escort mission is a very not boring rescue mission.

There’s a skeleton in the cave. Wei Wuxian takes an umbrella from it, and it crumbles into dust beneath its red robe. There’s a very annoyed man with a sword who calls himself Song Lan and speaks in static, and he’s somehow not the weirdest part of this whole day.

Phandolin doesn’t survive its brush with the Zidian Gauntlet, and neither does Qionglin. Wen Qing screams when he dies, and Wei Wuxian grabs her under the arms with Jiang Cheng and books it for the empty well in Song Lan’s wake, and they just hide.

And then they go to the goddamn moon, apparently.

TWO

The goddamn moon is run by an older man with hair still a glossy black, toying with a beautifully painted white fan in his hand. He calls himself the Director and–after some testing–hires them more or less on the spot. Something flickers over his face when Wen Qing, bemused by her own upset, makes an offhand mention of a man named Qionglin who died when the Gauntlet brought down so much lightning that it turned Phandolin into black glass. But it’s not Wei Wuxian’s problem, so he doesn’t worry himself over it too much. He takes the payment offered to him by the Director’s aide, a blindfolded, stunningly handsome man in Bureau blue and white who rests his hand on his own chest and says “Xiao Xingchen” and not another word.

The Bureau is–weird. They’ve got a giant jellyfish and a store run by–something Wei Wuxian Does Not Trust and a dorm. Wei Wuxian laughs and kicks Jiang Cheng cheerfully in the ankle and says “Just like college, huh?” and Jiang Cheng gives him a dark look and snaps “I never went to college.”

“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian says, blinking. “Me neither.”

Whatever. They go on a train adventure and there’s a kid, a kid who blinks and stares at Wei Wuxian like he’s seen a goddamn ghost and immediately walks up to introduce himself as Lan Sizhui, boy detective.

Wei Wuxian fucking loves this kid. He’s not sure why this wide-eyed fifteen-year-old latched onto him so hard, but he’s smart, funny, loyal, and extremely easy to pick on. 13/10 child rating, in Wei Wuxian’s book.

(Sizhui, for his part, more or less kicks down the door to his father’s offices in the Astral Plane the second the Reclaimers are gone and shouts “I HAVE A LEAD ON WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WORLD.”)

(His father, Lan Wangji, the Grim Reaper, is very interested to hear all about it–especially when his son casually name-drops three of the biggest bounties that the Raven King, his adoptive elder brother, has ever sent him after, with the exception of that absolutely insufferably sweet-tempered lich Wen Ning.)

THREE

So…the Crystal Kingdom.

Is it Wei Wuxian’s finest hour, shouting obscure tentacle-related threats at the second crystal construct they’ve seen in the past twenty minutes? No, probably not. But it’s been a stressful day, they’re already down one Regulator and Song Lan is fuck-knows-where with Mianmian and, again, this is the second menacing crystal construct they’ve seen in twenty minutes. Or maybe it’s the same one?

Whatever, doesn’t matter. They’re here to hunt down Meng Yao, a scientist who’s been dicking around with some seriously ill-advised necromancy and also the Philosopher’s Stone, and a crystal construct or two isn’t going to stop them.

Wei Wuxian actually physically cannot help himself, though, when the Reapers appear in the mirror, a matched set of beautiful men, and he grins broadly at the one glaring at him most viciously. They get let go on a technicality, along with a conduit still containing Meng Shi’s memory of a vision beyond the cosmos, and Meng Yao leaves with his life and not much more.

Later, Lan Wangji is absolutely betrayed by the realization that his brother willfully set him up to be the primary go-between for the completely breathtaking deeply irritating wizard-by-way-of-death-criminal. And that’s before the whole lich revelation. (He does get a kiss, though, after he watches his brother pulled under by the Hunger. That’s nice. He hopes Wei Wuxian will mitigate the death crimes now that they’re dating.)

FOUR

The seven Relics are as follows:

The Zidian Gauntlet, which can generate a lightning blast so powerful that it can obliterate an entire city. (Jiang Cheng–he watched the others try to lay in protections, try to make their Relics harmless, and he knew it wouldn’t work. All the Gauntlet does is damage. It can melt a city down to black glass, but it can’t be twisted, it can’t be made into any more of a nightmare than it already is. He’s a fighter. He knows all about damage, knew all about what he was making. That doesn’t mean it didn’t kill him by inches to watch it leave a path of destruction–so much that his beloved jiejie tried to seal it away.)

The Oculus, which can make any construct real. (Xiao Xingchen–Nie Huaisang didn’t take everything. He doesn’t remember the mission, or his own past. Something strange got confused in the process, and he lost most of his speech. But he remembers how to fight, handles his sword as cleanly and effectively as ever, and he remembers that he doesn’t think much of Nie Huaisang’s combat skills. Or maybe it’s just really obvious that Nie Huaisang isn’t much of a fighter. Regardless, Xiao Xingchen insisted on accompanying him, before–before. Then they went into the Felicity Wilds, and…Xue Yang is honestly delighted. He’s never managed to ruin someone so badly on the way into Wonderland before. It’s just a shame that Nie Huaisang sent Xiao Xingchen away before they reached the doors.)

The Healer’s Sash, which can manipulate natural forces like the wind, the tides, and tectonic plates just as easily as it can manipulate a heartbeat or a pair of lungs. (Wen Qing–she prays to Pelor, the Dawnfather, the healer and Lord of Light, but she’s long since lost her faith in him as anything but a contracted boss. It’s a shock to everyone including her when she’s granted a right arm made of glass and magic after losing it. She was so determined to make a Relic that could be used for good, but–well. She supposes she should have known better.)

The Philosopher’s Stone, which can more or less transform anything into anything. (Jiang Yanli–she’s a Transmutation wizard, she’s been feeding the crew of the Starblaster for a hundred years on whatever she can pull together. If the right person found the Stone, it would have ended world hunger. The wrong person found the stone. Jiang Yanli tried her damnedest to hunt it down, but she found the Gauntlet first, and, well–she already became a lich to stop one younger brother from doing it. It’s not a struggle to decide that she’s going to take responsibility for saving Jiang Cheng from his own guilt. Then things go horribly wrong, and she spends the next twelve years in an umbrella.)

The Temporal Chalice, which offers complete control over time. (Wen Ning–he was a strict scholar until his sister was contacted about the IPRE’s creation, but he always did want to travel, and his theories about bonds were too good for Xiao Xingchen to pass up having on his crew. Everything he’s done since they lost their home system has been about trying not to leave his family, about trying for second chances, he became a lich for them, he’s done everything to stay with them, of course his Relic is a second chance generator.)

The Animus Flute, which offers control over the spirits of the dead and, in the hands of a sufficiently competent expert, the living. (Wei Wuxian–he’s watched his brother, his sister, his friends, die so many times. He’s terrified of immortality, but he’s most terrified of being alone. He meant to make something that could keep the dead present, so that they would never have to fear being left behind again. Watching it rip Jiang Cheng’s soul clean out of his body in Xue Yang’s hands is the worst thing Wei Wuxian can remember, even after everything is over.)

The Bulwark, which Nie Huaisang never did explain to anyone, but took the shape of a hand-painted fan. (Nie Huaisang lost the only person who mattered to him when the Hunger ate their home, and then as he slowly, painstakingly, rebuilt something like a family, he had to watch them suffer and die for a hundred years. And then he watched them win, and grieve like dying all over again for the winning. He’s sorry they suffered for his actions. He’s not sorry for what he did.)

FIVE

Wen Zhuliu didn’t mean to make his whole plane give up. But he had spent his whole life being used, and it all just seemed so pointless. It all just seemed so pointless. There was always someone stronger, always something bigger, always a rule he couldn’t break, always something, and he started talking, started telling people as much, and--

Wen Qing is about the farthest thing in the fucking world from a peacemaker by nature, if you ask her, but she’s a healer first, last, and most of all. And, she thinks as she watches the sun sink with a very tired man crumbling away at her side, she might be the only person in the worlds who ever noticed that Wen Zhuliu needed a healer.

(They aren’t from the same plane, but--some of the others have found distant family, on their new home. It’s an unanswerable question, if they might have been family, a few dimensions removed. Wen Ning still thinks about it.)

#the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #taz balance #taz au #starlight writes stuff #*sprints into the room with this au multiple months late and completely out of breath* H E R E #this has been languishing in my drafts for. mm. ever.#i don't even remotely remember enough of my original thoughts about it to provide a lot of tags #but i do have a case for why wzl is john vore (and it's NOT just that i think he's interesting)#i could've made jgy the hunger BUT the plot of taz requires some...reconciliatory ending structure?#and honestly nhs still being something of a puppet master means that i couldn't justify that with jgy #i needed a villain less close to nhs' heart. so i thought about xue yang but i like him as the wonderland lich TOO MUCH.#so instead i thought about who i should make the parlay person--first instincts were jyl and wn because they're Nice #but then i decided that i didn't actually need Nice nearly so much as i needed Invested #and by god can wen qing Invest #so okay--if she was going to do the parlay then i didn't need someone who could be talked around i needed someone who needed a healer #so: wen zhuliu #i don't have to justify myself to you fools #also jgy is always everyone's biggest bad so he can let someone else have a turn #jyl develops a crush on a completely socially awkward rogue from inside an umbrella by the way!#pour one out for jzx because he is NOT equipped for an ethereal woman of violet fire to blush at him #a queue we will keep and our honor someday avenge #thishazeleyeddemon #asked and answered

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spockandawe · 4 years

Text

The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish

Okay, legit book pitch time, because I’m doing a terrible job of coherently typing out the premise every time I try to tell a person about this book, and I cannot stop telling people about this book. Bottom line up front: The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish started off a little rough (a combination of everything happens so much in the story itself, and, I think, the translator finding their footing), but I’ve been having such a good time that I am deep, deep in the mtl pit, because I can’t stop reading it.

The premise! This is a transmigration novel, where our hero Li Yu (his name literally translates to ‘carp’, for the record) enters the universe of a novel he just finished. He does not enter the body of a character from the novel, he enters as... a fish. A tiny little ingredient-for-fish-soup tier fish. Before he’s totally figured out what is going on, there’s an attempt to turn him into soup, and even when he flails his way out of the person’s hands, he’s.... stolen by a cat. And then, at the very last moment, he’s saved, and placed into a bowl of water to recover. This is the part of the book where So Much Is Happening and I was genuinely stressed by fish suffering.

But once he’s safe in a bowl, he finally gets to really talk to a System, and gets given some actual instructions. Surprise, sucker! You’re in a book! And he’s tasked with changing the path of that book’s protagonist, who goes from being the fifth imperial prince to eventually being the emperor. He’s like ‘oh my god, are you serious, i’m literally a fucking fish’ and the System is like *shrug* and says that well, he can either do the mission or he can die? So he’s like ‘OKAY, COOL, LET’S CHANGE THIS PRINCE’S LIFE.’ He’s also told that if he completes enough tasks, he’ll regain the ability to become human again, which is where I was like okay, this book is maybe not going to be quite so ridiculously batshit as the summary implied. The initial mission doesn’t say anything about romance, but I was still reading it like ohohohohoho, romance!

And the original book! At first, the fifth imperial prince, Jing-wang, was nominally out of the running to take the throne, because he was born with natural mutism and the emperor was told that this might be passed down to his children. He was his mother’s only surviving child, and she died soon after his birth, so he grew up very... isolated and disconnected, which makes sense given his temperament, even before all the other factors come into play. He’s a very cold, distant man, and in the book, eventually won out over his brothers to become the emperor. A cruel, rigid tyrant of an emperor. But! He did have a husband who he loved a lot. Unfortunately, that husband was planted by his brother and sure didn’t love him. The text calls him a black lotus, and describes that relationship as ‘sadomasochistic’, which I’m not sure is quite the right word, but it sure seems... melancholy, and the relationship seems to make Li Yu sad when he thinks about it.

Now, Li Yu is very worried about how the hecc he’s going to impact this imperial prince’s life in any meaningful way, but from the very start, the people around Jing-wang see him going soft for his new pet fish. His father especially is very moved to see his son finally attached to something that way. And I want to say that even the very early bits are... unexpectedly sweet?? Jing-wang doesn’t angst about not being able to speak, which I’d been worried about (I do hear that the mutism gets fixed eventually, which i’m not wild about, but i don’t feel like he’ll ever be a super verbal person tbh), but it’s really cute seeing him figuring out to interact with a pet where not being able to speak shouldn’t even really be a factor. And especially early on, Li Yu makes an effort to be as cute as possible, and way he pets and plays with his fish is the cutest, CUTEST thing.

(li yu is given an escalating series of unbelievably lavish aquariums, but even one of his earliest ones, jing-wang notices he’s interested in a pearl and just quietly fills the aquarium with priceless gemstones for his fish to play with)

There’s something that’s very hard to articulate about this, but in an early scene, Jing-wang brings the fish with him to a stressful meeting and gets angry, and starts holding the fish in a self-soothing way, and Li Yu is like AGH, TOO TIGHT and wriggles out, but before Jing-wang can even get properly upset at being rejected by his fish, Li Yu circles back around and starts winding through his fingers. Even before romance is a factor, the physical contact and comfort were absolutely precious.

When I’d started reading this, my initial mindset was basically ‘okay, so i can see Jing-wang getting attached to his fish, but love? seriously???’, but honestly, the story handled it in a REALLY nice way. There are around 160 chapters total, and by the mid-twenties, Li Yu gains the ability to occasionally/briefly transform into a human, and by the mid-thirties, Li Yu and Jing-wang have had an extended interaction where they’re both human-shaped. And Li Yu acquires other special powers with time, including interdimensional storage space and Super Jumping Powers, and he is seriously, seriously, the most sketchy-ass fish you’ve ever seen, and Jing-wang is a smart cookie.

At first, it’s little things like ‘okay, while Jing-wang is out, I’mmmm going to explore this room!’ And he does the fish equivalent of holding his breath and hops around for a while before returning to his tank like a good little fish, but Jing-wang comes back and there’s water all over the floor and he’s like ‘..............’ So what does he do? He starts leaving teacups of water all over the floor so that his fish can stop and take a breather without worrying about getting back to his tank. And when his fish seems interested in the work he’s doing at his desk, he sets up a teacup next to where he works so that his fish can watch what he’s doing. And initially, he’s kind of like ‘this is normal fish behavior, probably’, but. Li Yu is so focking sketchy. And it really, really doesn’t take long for Jing-wang to start connecting the dots between the strange young man who periodically materializes in/near his quarters and steals his clothes and his fish.

But this story is so funny. When Jing-wang starts getting suspicious, what he eventually concludes is that oh, this is like that fairy tale about the white snake spirit who seduced a human man to steal his spiritual essence. Or the fairy tale about the fox spirit who seduced a human man to steal his essence. Okay. Awright. And he spends considerable time waiting very impatiently, wondering why isn’t my fish seducing me yet??? He even sets things up so that while Li Yu is on his desk watching him work, he starts pointedly reading erotica about the snake spirit and fox spirit, and I can tell that he’s embarrassing himself, while meanwhile, Li Yu is a modern human trying to read ancient Chinese writing, and he’s like ‘haha, lmao, he reads way faster than me, I have no idea what’s happening.’

(later on, when they’ve managed to do a little bit of communication and work things out, Jing-wang proudly tells someone (writes for someone) that the food he’s eating was made for him by his boyfriend. and when the person is like ‘ah, okay. uh. what... is a boyfriend?’ and Jing-wang is like ‘I’ve got no goddamn idea.’)

Also, you may note. That one of the tags on this story is mpreg. And that was honestly why I dove into it, I was like ‘haha, there’s no way a story like this could sell me on a plot point like THAT, go ahead, try, I double dog dare you’. Well. Last night I reached that plot point. Y’all....... it.... worked. It was still silly, but the character himself was like ‘oh my god, you can’t be serious.’ It was silly and cute. At a slightly earlier point, the emperor sends Jing-wang to take a military force and go fight bandits, so Jing-wang was planning to leave Li Yu safely at home, and Li Yu wasn’t happy and non-seriously said, ‘no, your highness, you can’t leave me behind, I’m... CARRYING YOUR CHILD.’ And he didn’t mean it, but Jing-wang wanted to believe it at first, and was really happy, and was :( when Li Yu clarified that no, physically, he’s... not capable of doing that.

Smash cut to not long later, when the System gives Li Yu his next task in the main mission line and it’s.......... babies. Li Yu tries to plead with the System that no, oh my god, I am not physically equipped for this, but also at this point? The System has straight-up modified his fish body several times. He doubled all his attributes once, not realizing this included size, and got stuck in his aquarium cave. And later on, he upgraded from minnow(?) to koi and promptly... got stuck in his aquarium cave. So they’ve already coaxed me along through believing body modifications. And then the actual fish pregnancy process was very understated and low-key, and then once the fish babies hatched, after nine months, they got the ability to turn into human babies. The story even plays around with the idea of fish babies being capable of much more independence than human babies, and the babies being Displeased with the situation. Guys, they sold me on the mpreg. How did they do that?????

And something I genuinely hadn’t expected is that the relationship takes negotiation and growth. The earliest courting scenes are very... high-handed. Which I was into! I can dig a romance novel like that, where the love interest pins the protagonist to a wall and kisses him so good he sweeps him off his feet. But Li Yu gets to be upset, and push Jing-wang away, and be angry when Jing-wang tries to wiggle around the boundaries he’s trying to establish. He gets to tell Jing-wang he feels disrespected and taken advantage of, and Jing-wang learns to back off. And when he decides that he does want to give this thing a try, he lays out a couple base rules for Jing-wang, and Jing-wang takes it so seriously that he legit hangs them on his bedroom wall.

And everyone who loves Jing-wang is so happy for him. They’re so happy for every positive development in his life. They’re happy when Jing-wang starts caring for his pet fish, and they’re even happier when he falls in love with an actual human. The main barrier to formalizing their relationship isn’t that Li Yu is a man, it’s that Jing-wang needs heirs, and well, that gets worked out. Even the emperor casually mentions that he used to have a male concubine back in the day.

You guys, I’ve been genuinely Moved by this silly novel about a fictional prince falling in love with his pet fish.

I’m not done yet, I’m almost exactly halfway through, and I’ve got no idea what’s coming next. I assume it will be political maneuvering, because Li Yu’s System told him that it’s guaranteed that Jing-wang will eventually become emperor, but the rest is up to him, and there are still a few other princes floating around who opposed him in the original book. And that black lotus husband from the original book is still around too. But Jing-wang has other allies who would have died in the original novel by now, who Li Yu managed to help save. And I’m so invested! I want to know what happens! Li Yu is periodically unlocking Jing-wang backstory reveals as rewards for completing missions, and some of these things give him a better understanding of Jing-wang in the present, but some open up brand new mysteries about Jing-wang’s past. I have to go do my actual job now, and I’m really unhappy about that, because I want! To read more!!! I’m reading the mtl right now, and if you’ve tried mtl, you know the prose can be barely comprehensible at times (i spent like ten chapters thinking jing-wang had two cousins when he has... one....) but still!!! I’m so, so invested, and I can’t stop recommending this book to everyone who has the misfortune to exist in the same space as me :’)

#the disabled tyrant's pet palm fish #long post/#cnovel rec

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helianthus21 · 4 years

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Monday 2: Gentleman

[doing this] (~900 words)

One thing Sam noticed changing after Dean and Cas got together was that sometimes, when they weren’t bickering like an old married couple, Dean would treat Cas like a king. Like the ground should be honored to have the angel walk upon it.

He’d offer Cas the bigger slice of pie and pull out the chair for Cas to sit on, as if the angel couldn’t manage to sit his butt on it himself.

He’d let Cas ride shotgun, banishing Sam and his gangly, suffering legs to the backseat.

He’d let Cas smite doors open when he felt like it, no matter the time and effort it took to repair the damage afterwards, just to see that satisfied smirk grace Cas’ face.

He’d lay out the library chair with soft pillows so princess Castiel could sit comfortably while Dean fanned him with a palm branch and fed him grapes (only one of those things actually happened, but it might as well have been all three).

The lengths to which Dean would go to please his sweetheart were getting ridiculous. Sam had watched it proceed uncommented for a long while, because at the bottom of his heart, he was happy for his brother and best friend. They were clearly made for each other, like God molded them out of the same frustratingly stubborn piece of clay, one of them just centuries later than the other. And seeing a smile on the face of someone who almost never smiled was always something, Sam thought.

But Sam wasn’t a saint. Even he couldn’t hold back on his commentary forever. It was the little brother genes that commanded him to give Dean a hard time no matter the circumstances.

So one day, when they were digging up a grave to burn a vengeful ghost’s bones before anyone else would be hurt, Sam’s limit was reached.

Because when he wanted to take a break and switch with the physically strongest member of their team, Dean pretty resolutely put a stop to it.

“What,” Sam could only splutter when Dean intercepted the shovel he’d wanted to hand over to Cas.

“We’re not making him dig, what sort of guy are you?”

“He can lift an anvil over his head without breaking a sweat, I think he can handle it better than us.” By way of proof and in hopes of getting some sympathy, Sam showed him the callouses that had already appeared on his hands.

“I can–” Cas tried to settle their little dispute, but Dean wouldn’t back down.

“He’s not gonna do the dirty work, Sam! Have some respect.” With that, he jumped into the hole next to Sam, successfully blocking his way out.

“What, is it his birthday or something?”

“No,” Dean said, hand coming up to rub against his neck. “There have to be a special occasion for me to treat my man right?”

Sam rolled his eyes too far back to see the surprised and very happy smile Cas directed Dean’s way then.

“Oh, Dean.” The former commander of heavenly armys’ voice was all soft and laced with affection.

At the same time, Sam made fake gagging noises and expressed what everyone in this graveyard knew, remains of long dead people included: “Oh my god, Dean, you’re so whipped.”

“Shut up.” Dean barked, totally not getting a little red in the face, and pretended to shift his focus entirely to the digging.

“No, seriously, man.” Sam wouldn’t be himself if he let his brother get away so easily. “Who'd have thought you can be a real gentleman when you're tryna get laid.”

Dean snorted. "Pfft I don't have to act all gentlemanly to get into Cas' pants. Watch this.” He looked up at Cas to catch his eye. “Hey Cas, wanna have sex?" he called out.

Cas met his gaze evenly, nothing but a faint glint in his eyes revealing the anticipation that rose in him at Dean’s crude suggestion. "Oh. Yes," he agreed pleasantly, before tilting his head to amend, “After we’ve released this vengeful spirit from his restless undead existence and transferred him into the afterlife he deserves, of course.”

“Of course,” Dean winked at Cas. “Motel room, later. It’s a date.”

“Classy,” commented Sam dryly.

Dean grinned like a cheshire cat. “What can I say, man. It works,” he bragged, and promptly resumed digging.

Releasing a long-suffering sigh, Sam went back to work as well. “You know, that just means you’re being this sickly sweet with Cas for no reason, right.”

Out of the corners of his eyes, he watched out for the blush creeping up on Dean’s face. And it did appear. But instead of brushing off the teasing comments to keep up his very manly facade like Sam expected, Dean just shrugged.

“I just appreciate what I got, man,” he said, staring up at Cas, who stared right back.

“He is very naturally thoughtful and appreciative,” agreed Cas dreamily.

And that fast, they’d drifted off into their own world again, completely forgetting the rest of the world and the fact that they came here to finish a goddamn hunt and not make mooneyes at each other for fuck’s sake.

Sam sighed again, shaking his head to the heavens. Thrusting the shovel blade into the dirt, he resigned himself to having to dig up these bones all by himself.

#SPNStayAtHome #destiel #spn #monday 2: gentleman #ficlet #heli tries to write #long post #established destiel #sam pov #poor sam #this is v self-indulgent bc it's based on a headcanon post of my own..#might be a little ooc tbh but oh hell #sam has it very bad in the early honeymoon phase #i thought hard about it but in the end i made dean the gentleman #but i'm hoping for sb to have cas give dean a rose or sth:')

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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House of Mouse: Mickey and the Culture Clash (Commission by WeirdKev27) or “What the Hell, Clarabelle?”

Hello, hello, hello... I wish I could say I was in good spirits but i’m tired, have covid induced chills running down my spine.. and oh yeah there was an armed insurrection i the captial last night that showed just how broken this country was. And while Monster Bash would still be relevant... I couldn’t do it. I admit to being unable to do an episode where the millitant racist nutjob who harms people runs off into the night, and does much worse in later episodes, while the people she harassed are arrested the night after a bunch of millitant, racist, sociopathic, selfish nightmares sieged the captial, killed a woman, raised the fucking maga flag over the buildling and took pictures like they were goddamn heroes. We got a stark reminder, not a wake up call, not an opening a REMINDER of just how badly broken our country is last night, and it wasn’t till this morning I found out just how BAD it was. The deaths, the flag, the fact josh fucking hawley, MY STAT’ES SENATOR and registered piece of shit, raised A FUCKING FIST IN SOLIDARITY, which gives me the crippling fear his stupidity and unabashed racisim and support of a cou could mean riots at best and attempted uprisings at worst and who knows what kind of hate crimes against those of color and those in my own queer community. I am afraid, tired, and I am pissed and I feel we could ALL use something wholesome, warm and far removed from the shit going on. And in my hour of need to figure out something like that to put on the schedule.. Kev brought up a wonderfufl idea. Every month this month till the end of it Kev is going to comission one episode of a show near and dear to both our hearts that has it’s 20th birthday this month. House of Mouse. He was intitally going to request Pete’s One Man Show, which is one of my faviorites, but was ironcially one I already planned to cover next month to celebrate both the show’s anniversary and Pete’s Birthday. But since he was happy to wait till then to comission it, he instead asked for another classic and one with easily my faviorite character on the show: Moritmer Mouse.

One of the best things House of Mouse did was bring back Mortimer Mouse. Introduced in Mickey’s Rival, Mortimer was an ex of minnies who showed up for one short to be a dick to mickey before running off and leaving Minnie at the mercy of a bull he pissed off. He also weirdly kept electrodes and a car battery in his pants. The short itself is.. not great mostly because Minnie dimissies Mickey rightfully being pissed someone is hitting on his girlfriend in front of him, making jokes at his expense, and generally being a pillock as being jealous... which yeah, yeah he is. Most of the time jealousy and supscison of your partner is ugly, gross and damaging to a relationship. You should trust them unless you’ve been given good reason not to, and if your paranoidly jealous about every friend she has she could be attracted to.. get some fucking help. Seriously, I need to, not for this for various other problems, but get some therapy to help with your trust issues or if your just being the kind of dick who naturally assumes men and women or men and men or women and women or men and nonibinary persons, or women and nonbinary peeps and so on and so on cannot be friends if they could possibly be togehter romantically... grow up. I say all of that because those are serious underlying issues and I didn’t want it to seem like for a moment I was supporting them... and because sometimes i’ts OKAY to be jealous, to either just feel a little jealous of someone, or to you know be irate because your girlfriend’s ex is hitting on her in front of you and she’s being entirely receptive to it.

So yeah i’ts really hard to feel bad for minnie’s bull attack or find the ending sweet after Minnie was you know, what ramona said for an entire short. However my point for this rant, besides giving out about the short again because I clearly didn’t enough in my Mickey Birthday Special, is that Mortimer is still pretty great. He’s a frat bro in the 40′s sense sure, but the idea of a local douche hoping to swoop in and woo minnie away, who has an oddly specific sense of humor and a bizzare, memorable and wonderful walk, seriously the short is worth watching for mortimier’s “I got two car batteris in my pants’ walk, is a good one. While he’d naturally show up in comics and what have you Mortimer just sort of vanished. But clearly someone on the House of Mouse staff, and Mousewerks before it, agreed because Morty was made easily one of the best and most recurring characters in the HOM, and often more prominent than Horace or Gus. While he still tried his old “I’m gonna do your common law wife act” a few times he was mostly there to be an annoying douche when the ep needed one and to be taken down a peg by everyone in the house. And that VERY MUCH includes Mickey. That’s also part of why I love this show bringing him back: It gives Mickey someone besides pete to give out too on a regular basis. He’s still his charming self about it but it’s lovelyt os ee Mickey sarcastically roast someone. And I honestly attribute the main factor of his sucess on the show to VA Maurice LaMarche. While his original VA, Sonny Dawson, was fantastic.. it’s Maurice who very clearly made the character his. While others like Jeff Bennet have taken over since i’ts Maurice who gave him his signature “ha-cha-cha” catchphrase, swagger and signiture voice. And no i’ts not lost on me that one of Maurice’s OTHER best roles is another cartoon mouse.. and I now very badly want him to meet Pinky and the Brain. But yeah, Maurice just oozes the smarm that defines mortimer for me, oozes condescinon and assholery and he, is., glorious. He was a faviorite as a kid, he’s a faviorite now, and Disney needs to use him more.. and also have Maurice voice him for wonderufl world of mickey mouse, though Jeff Bennett is not bad at all I just prefer the master at the role.

So obviously, after the nightmare of an evening america had yesterday, an episode not only about how wholesome mickey and minnie are but about Mickey teaming up with Mortimer was EXACTLY what i needed. So pitter patter, this is Mickey and the Culture clash. As always for house of mouse i’ll be chonking it up and since this one starts right with the wraparound, and sicnce you know I spent a godo few pagraphs going over mortimer and he’s only IN the wraparound this episode... let’s start there

Mickey and the Culture Clash: Don’t Go Changin, To Try and Please Me So we open the episode and the review proper with Mickey performing a banjo sernade for Minnie, their song in fact. It’s a really sweet scene.. that’s quickly ruined by Clarabelle being an asshole, who says i’ts a bit crude. Minnie counters that while “It’s not mozart”, it’s nice and she clearly likes it and the gesture. Instead of you know leaving it there like a good friend, like she’s SUPPOSED to be to Minnie in most continuities, Clarabelle.. takes the things she said and her having to run out to wrangle pluto out of context, painting it as her thinking he’s not sophisticated and then running out because of it. Oh and she tops it by pointing to a classified add from a MM looking for sophisticated companionship.

It just paints Clarabelle not as Minnie’s friend or a chatty gossip, but as a heartless bitch who has no trouble implying one of her best friends would cheat on her boyfriend TO HIS FACE, and is fine wrecking a perfectly lovely relationship just to have more to talk about. Seriously she starts gossiping to everybody on top of it just in case you thought Clarabelle was a decent person in any shape this episode. She’s the one thing about this episode that dosen’t work despite being integral to it.. well two but hte other thing is a small, end of episode gag we’ll get to. This.. this is an integral part of the plot. It also relies on Daisy and Donald being absent for the episode for what I can only assume is their annual sex decathalon because otherwise the second she heard about her friend doing this, before reassuring Minnie, Donald would be holdiing her while Daisy beat the absolute shit out of her for hurting thier closest friend and not bothering to take a look into anything when leveling such a rough accusation at Minnie. In a really stellar, really well paced episode, Clarabelle being so heartless stands out. It’s also, might as well get this out of the way, teh final episode not inlcuding the two holiday specials.. and it’s a good note to go out on otherwise, I just can’t ignore the obnoxious cow in the room.. in both senses of the word.

So yeah Mickey’s trying to be fancy, and Mortimer gets a good dig in about him reading “You having trouble sounding out the words”, but once he hears what’s going on, or rather once he realizes mickey things Mortimer’s personal add is in fact his girlfriend cheating on him, he decides to help Mickey. And to his credit for this con.. Mortimer actually thought things out on how to trick his rival, and his plan here is douchey as hell but incredibly genius: he offers to help mickey and while that’d normally be suspcious he offers a genuine, and very mortimer explination for helping him become a bit more sophisticated to win minnie back: if Minnie finds a handsome, sophisticated guy to date, what chance does MORTIMER have against that? At least with Mickey, in his deluded egocentric view of things anyway, he has a shot at beating him.

So Mickey classes it up a bit, taking some sopshitcated stances when announcing and trying to woo minnie by talking in ye olde english. When that fails, she just finds it silly but charming, Mickey finds Jose.. hitting on her.

Just.. I expect better from you man. Woo ladies all you like as long as your respectful but I expect better than to hit on someone else’s girlfriend.. which granted he has but given the last time we saw him do that, he nearly got stabbed a bunch and the last time he agressively hit on a woman he got punched in the beak as he should, you’d THINK he’d of learned something. Seriously once again Donald is only missing because this time Daisy would be holding Jose down while Donald hit him. Or possibly they’d take turns. Point is Jose REALLY shoudln’t be doing this and knows better.. marginally. But.. it is in character enough so ti’s not as bad as Clarabelle the homewrecker.

So Mickey tries being fancy and goes on to do poetry instead of letting O’Malley and the Alley Cats play.. which is a nice running gag the series does as they NEVER get to play.. which while funny is a shame since I love the Aristocats. So then we finally get what Mortimer’s been playing at, he swoops in, claims MICKEY dosen’t need HER, and uses the same personal add to trick her. See, while what Mortimer’s doing is vile.. unlike clarabelle I can repsect it at least. I don’t condone it and i’m glad he gets foiled.. but as a bad guy plan it’s pretty clever and for someone like Mortimer whose usually pretty incompitent.. it’s pretty suprising he could pull this off. It’s still pretty damn low and scummy, no question, but props to being able to outwit and nearly outplay two people who deal with your crap on a regular basis and still convincingly conning both. Thankfully while he tries to take Minnie out Mickey, in a great visual gag, puts two and two together, and busts out their song, with Mickey and Minnie heartwearmingly reuniting on stage as seen above. Then we get that gag I mentioned not liking: Mickey gets Morty back by planting a false marriage proposal from Moritmer to Clarabelle, again under MM and he gets carried off.. HAHA HE’S BEING FORCED INTO A MARRIAGE HE DOSEN’T. LAUGH. LAUGH AT IT. The gag just really hasn’t aged well, as otherwise it’s clever Mickey used Mortimer’s own trick against both him and the person who caused all of this but really.. Clarabelle gets no real compuance. At worse sshe finds out she was tricked.. but she again you know tried to break up her close friends relationship for shits and giggles. But .. it’s at the very end of the episode and very easy to ignore, so it dosen’t really bother me too bad, and compared to some gags of the type i’ve seen, it could be MUCH worse. Overall this wraparound is one of the series best and a good one to go out on. it has a simple premise, a brilliant antagonist plot, some great bits from all involved, and even a great Belle and Beast cameo. All in all a really good wraparound only hampered by a sexist and dated ending and Clarabelle being portrayed as ...

She’s the worst, in the world. Okay onto the shorts.

Mickey’s Piano Lesson: That was a Fun One

It really was. It’s a simple premise: Minnie wants MIckey to do a piano recital and he decides “I don’t need practice i’m mickey mouse. “ And it’s REALLY nice to have a short that has, rather than aw shucks mickey, shenanigans mickey. While thanks to the new shorts we’ve had tons, it’s still nice to get one in the House of Mouse era, and it’s just fun to see Mickey take the usual donald roll of letting his overconfidence punch him in the face> It fits both though: Both are everyman and while I lean towards the duck, to no one’s shock, Mickey is just as capable, and his lack of practice comes off less like the angry and hostile way donald would dismiss it and mroe just loveable procastination. And as someone who REALLY struggles with procastination I related to this short, as Mickey does everything else he’d rather do from bathing the dog to skydiving till Minnie, in a great bit informs him everyone from the president, to several dignitaries from other countries, to a televised audience will see. We then get two really great and really beatuifully animated bits as MIckey wrestles with the notes on thep age then fights with his piano as he performs, still pulling it off but destroying the thing and rightfully earning a glare form his girlfriend. Just a fun, slapstick short with a great premise.

Dance of the Goofys: Scary Children Set to classical music, this one has a bunch of goofys as Fairy’s, who are making the flowers go and the one who sleeps in ends up saving the king from a horrifing looking little brat. He reminds me of Montanna Max a bit.. speaking of which Creer Summer recnetly announced Elmyra won’t be in the reboot. And while this does make me fear actually good characters like Fifi, Montana Max, and more will be cut like the animanics reboot and I do feel for Cree not getting to be involved and hope they find another roll for her as, given her status in the industry she deserves better.. THANK FUCKING GOD. I’ll go into this in another review I have planned for the future but unlike the cuts made to animaniacs this was a REALLY good decision i’m really greatful for. Thank you crew thank you.

Back on topic, it’s just a fun, really beautifully animated short about the goofies and hteir shenanigans with a really great high concept.

Maestro Minnie: Brahm’s Lullabye: Simply Irresitable Another simple but clever and lovely to watch one, and one I like quite a bit more. Minnie is conducting some living violins to Brahm’s Lullabye to get a baby Violin to sleep, and we get some really beautiful shots of her as she does so.. only to get comically interuppted by other insteruments turning up the noise. Not much to say on this one as it’s short and simple.. but sometimes short and simple is just what you need and the fun premise nad really beautiful especially for tv animation at the time visuals really sell this one. ONce again, good stuff.

Overall: This was a REALLY good note to go out on. While as I said the Clarabelle stuff can eat my entire ass, everything else is really damn good and I highly recommend checking this one out. Next time, in about a month, we’ll be looking at Pete’s spotlight episode for his birfday. While you wait tommorow we have my first look at legend of the three cabs. But for now, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

#house of mouse #mickey mouse #minnie mouse #mortimer mouse #clarabelle cow #donald duck #daisy duck #goofy goof #mouseworks #maurice lamarche #mickey's culture clash

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lavendertwilight89 · 4 years

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Untitled

For @hnnwnchstr. Better times are ahead.

And of course there’s smoots for her :)

Here is the link to AO3

Tag wall:

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Sometimes life got him down… But he’d had hundreds of years to cope with that. His human companions, however, always seemed to take their failure harder. Even when the blame should always fall on him.

He was the strongest and oldest in the pack. It made him the alpha. Their setbacks were his own.

Yea, don’t get him wrong. He took defeat and loss hard. But there’d always be a new day. Unless you were dead. And if you lived to tell the tale, then fuck, why stay depressed about it?

What killed him more than anything though was seeing a young woman that had stolen his heart upset about anything. She blamed herself for shattering the jewel, causing all the death, destruction…

But it wasn’t her fault. Not really. Sure he blamed her, called her names, made her feel guilty about the whole mess; but in reality, it was his fault. If he hadn’t had been such a jackass to her, calling her names, making her feel ugly, being an immature asshole--she wouldn’t have run away. She wouldn’t have been caught, and the crow demon wouldn’t have gotten a hold of the jewel. Even then, if he had been more encouraging, patient, maybe they would have been able to recover the jewel together before she shot it out of the sky.

But no. He was a fucking jerk. He should have seen from the moment she crashed down in front of him when she was being chased by the nasty ass centipede that she wasn’t Kikyo. She was nothing like her in terms of spirit, spunk, demeanor, and even as time went on--she looked less and less like her. Her beauty was far more natural; just like she was. She wasn’t overbearingly poised, stiff, cold. Kagome overflowed radiance and kindness. Kikyo had been a beautiful, untouchable woman… But Kagome was gorgeous. Kind. Warm. Everything Kikyo had not been, Kagome was.

He thought he had loved Kikyo; but he was a fool. He had no idea what love really was after traveling with Kagome. Having her care for him. Talk to him. Touch him as if he wasn’t tainted. No one had ever tried to rub his ears, hold his clawed hands, hold him when he was ready to cave in on himself… that was until Kagome came along. She made it bearable to be a half-demon in this fucked up world. She made it alright to be himself.

Seeing her hang her head down from another destroyed village they hadn’t made it in time to save, her likely hearing Sango’s quiet comments about how she was glad she never saw her village in such disarray, Miroku’s musings about how anyone would do anything to get the jewel shards…

He wanted to fucking strangle them, but no--she wouldn’t let him. Originally he growled at them, but she soothed him and plastered her fake caring smile on her face. Then proceeded to ask him to help them lay the villagers to rest. He was hopeless to tell her no--well, after a few mutters of annoyance. He had an image to maintain, after all.

It wasn’t until into the night when the fire burned low, the stars shined brightly, and the full moon illuminated the land from high in the sky that he heard her sleeping bag ruffle. He looked down to see his delicate pale beauty look around the campsite. What was she looking for?

He caught her shift her gaze up to him. Since he was a coward, he pretended to be asleep. Some more shuffling sounds followed by footsteps had him open his eyes. Seriously, what the fuck was she doing??

Jumping from tree to tree as quietly as possible, he saw her walk out into an open field and sit. She was just gazing up at the stars…

He remembered one of the first times they did that together. The idea of staring at them was stupid--why bother? They didn’t move. They held no real purpose.

But Kagome said they learned a lot about them in her time; how they change from season to season, how they can be used for directions when they knew what season it was. Some had special names, different stories. Legends. Myths. She said after learning demons were real, who knows if those stories were actually as fictional as they had originally been meant to be?

The fascination was still slightly lost on him until she mentioned with the pollution of her time that it made them harder to see unless you were out in more ‘rural’ areas. Places without villages. Like here. She said she loved to look at them--with people who were special to her.

The speech wasn’t lost on him, even though he acted like it was. He knew he was important to her. How could he not be? She didn’t go to school as much, spent most of her time here even though she had a life on the other side of the well…

Even though she said it was to fix her mistakes, he knew that wasn’t the only reason. Or at least he had hoped it wasn’t until he heard her cry out for him when Hakudoshi held her heart.

Confirming, definitely a good piece of it belonged to him. But… he still had no idea what he could offer her? His harsh words and attitude? The fire-rat robe off his back? His father’s sword that held in his demonic blood?

She deserved to have a choice. If she did so happen to choose to stay with him once the jewel was once again complete, without knowledge of his feelings, he’d tell her. He’d build her a hut--if the village accepted them. Fuck, even if they had to live in a cave, he’d still consider himself the luckiest man in all the lands.

He’d do anything for her; and that was why he had to remain silent until there was no jewel driving her mission.

Looking at the back of her didn’t help him figure out what was wrong with her, though. The wind shifted and stirred those wavy ebony locks. Along with the scent that was so Kagome, he smelled a twinge of salt…

She was crying.

Of course she snuck away, so she didn’t wake up her friends… or him.

He jumped down from his tree and walked over to her. She didn’t flinch or move her position from staring up at the sky. Obviously she had been aware of his presence. Her power has certainly grown since she first arrived now. She could clearly pick out different reiki, youki, jyaki, and the jewel shards.

What couldn’t his girl do? Of course he referred to her as his girl; who else would be his? Even if she happened to choose to leave, he doubted he would ever find another as giving, kind, caring, loving, and beautiful as Kagome. Maybe in a couple centuries; but even then he’d likely try and find his way back to her when she was born. See when she grew up if she’d want to try again… But he would also just be happy to be her friend. Why would he get in the way of her happiness? Of her life? He may have been a selfish bastard for now, keeping her from her friends and family, but they had a mission. He had the right to be an ass… Demand the time from her until it was over. Because God forbid she did choose to leave, he’d die from not having spent more time with her.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hey… what’s uh--what’s going on?”

“Just thinking,” she sighed, closing her eyes. Fuck. Why was she so goddamn pretty? Even sitting there, tears trickling down her flushed cheeks, hair blowing with the breeze, and he couldn’t stop looking at her. She was mesmerizing.

“Yea? Care to elaborate? Or ya just gonna keep cryin’ over nothing?” He asked as he plopped down next to her. Jerkface on. Ready to push her to fight with him so that the tears would stop. Maybe even let his face eat the dirt. After a good sit she was usually somehow in a better mood from releasing her anger.

“Sigh…” She opened her eyes and looked at the stars again before she finally shifted her eyes back to him. “I just… I’m stupid. That’s all.”

“Why you say that? You’re the one with all the book learning and crap. You’re probably one of the smarter ones out of our group,” he pointed out. Then he realized he said something nice. Fuck. He was deviating from his plan… But she just looked so broken. Damn. Shit. He had to comfort her; at least that’s what the demon demanded. The human in him was screaming to run and hide and protect her from himself.

Nice. Two very opposing sides fighting in his mind. No wonder being a confusing asshole came so naturally.

“It’s just… You all have lost so much. Some because of me, some not. But still, I feel like I let this get to me… More than it should. I’m able to go home and see my family. Separate myself from all of this and you guys--can’t.

“I’m just pathetic for letting this get to me. I’m just so useless and.. Weak. You were right.”

Before he could think the better of it, he stretched his arm out and hugged her shoulders tightly. “No. I was wrong. So far from wrong. You’re probably the strongest out of all of us, Kagome.”

“Do-Don’t--”

“Don’t what?? Just say shit? I’m not for once. Yea, I know I don’t always think. Especially back then when we first met, first starting traveling together… I know, Kagome. I know I was an asshat. The biggest bastard of them all. I just…”

“Inuyasha, I understand,” she soothed, turning to face him. Her calves were pressed to his thigh now. Without thinking, he pulled her up into his lap.

“Inu--”

“I’m sorry.”

“W-What??”

“Your insecurities--your fears… They’re my fault. I’m to blame.”

“No--stop. Inuyasha I understand why you said those things… It wasn’t because you meant them--not exactly, anyway. You said them out of malice. You were hurt. You were scared to be hurt again by someone who looked exactly like the woman who had literally ripped your heart in two. I get it. I learned you didn’t mean half of what you said. You just said that stuff to protect yourself…”

“Kagome…” How was it possible this woman knew him better than anyone? Was that even fair? Did he know her just as well?

“I know you had a rough life. I’ve seen it. You’ve only warned me time and time again when we’ve gone into villages, stayed out in the woods at night, hunted the jewel shards, even asked our friends to join us. I get it. In the sense that you are the way you are because of it. But I also see through to the real you. I see you for who you really are Inuyasha.”

“You don’t gotta tell me. I know you do…” His claws brushed through her hair and she started to relax further into his hold.

“Inuyasha?”

“What?”

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know… Am I not doing something right?”

Her giggle emerged and he felt the tension in his own body leave. Clearly he was doing okay making her feel better, “I think you’re doing just fine--you just have never… I mean you don’t usually--”

“Everyone needs a different form of comfort, Kagome. Sango usually just needs a pep talk or she needs to just not be groped by that fucking pervert. Miroku has to be joked with or threatened. Shippo… well there ain’t much that gets him down that your fuckin’ pokey won’t fix. Kirara is never sad unless she doesn’t get fish.”

“What about you? How can I--” she turned to face him and her lip snuck its way in between her teeth. “How can I comfort you?”

“By being you. You’ve stayed by my side when you shouldn’t have. You’ve held me even after I slaughtered humans without a second thought. It’s second nature to you, Kagome… You--You don’t know how grateful I am to have you here… even though I don’t show it like I should,” he mumbled the last words hoping she wouldn’t hear the mushy words exit his mouth.

“And you… comfort me how…?” Her eyes with glistening and twinkling like the damn stars. Fuck. Did he mention how beautiful she was? And how unfair her proximity fucked with his head? Was she… what was she asking for? He heard her heart beating erratically. Her face was blushing--but not from crying now. Her scent told a different story. It was one of desire. Want. Need. Fuck.

He wasn’t thinking as he leaned in and closed the distance between their mouths. His lips brushed hers lightly at first, testing to see if she would ultimately reject him like everyone else. But fuck--no, she pressed back harder. Damn; she was ruining his plans.

He pulled back slightly before the kiss got more heated and looked deeply into her lust covered eyes. Damnit. He felt a particular body part rising with her scent and the nonverbal cues she was sending out.

“Kagome--”

“Please--just for tonight--I don’t want to be second. Tomorrow we can just move on but tonight can it just be us?”

“What?” And his dick was under control again. Her words triggered something in his brain to settle the fuck down. “What do you mean ‘second’?”

“I know--I know you don’t care about me like that. And that’s okay. You don’t have to. I know you’re in love with Kikyo. I know you want the jewel. I know you want to avenge Kikyo’s death and the betrayal Naraku caused between the two of you. I get it. I understand. I just-- for tonight can it just be us? No Kikyo? No Naraku? No jewel?”

“Kagome that’s not--”

“Inuyasha--” She leaned in and tried to kiss him again but he pulled back. Here he said she was smart and she actually was the dumbest of them all…

What kind of horse shit was she spewing?

“No--what the fuck, Kagome?! You think you’re fucking second to all those things?!?!”

“Inuyasha shush! We’re not that far from--”

“Shut up! Answer me! You honestly think I put those other things first before you?!”

“Well obviously!! The minute there’s a soul collector you’re out of here! The moment you catch Naraku’s scent, you’re gone! And don’t forget why I’m even here to begin with!! I shattered the jewel! The jewel you want!!”

“Don’t give me that crap Kagome; you and I both know while yea, we kinda need help being able to see and sense the jewel shards I need you. I. Need. You. You. Not Kikyo, not Miroku, not Sango… YOU. Do you have any idea what kind of person I would be--fuck--what kind of person I was before you came along?! I only have friends because of you. I only have been trusted by villages because of you. Kagome… God you’re everything for me. You’ve given me so much without even fucking trying.

“I get I am a bastard. I know I’m an asshole through and though but come on--you have to know by now, after everything we’ve fucking been through that I want you by my side. That when you aren’t here--it’s just empty. Don’t even act like you don’t know what I do when you’re gone. I’ve heard the slayer and monk tell you. Even fucking Shippo rats me out for the right price. Kagome--how can you be so fuckin’ blind??”

“Inuyasha--”

“I’m not done talking, wench; so shut the fuck up and listen. Kikyo--Kikyo is dead. I know that. I know there honestly isn’t a way to save her. The feelings I have for her--they revolve around guilt and remorse. But even looking back at what could have been--it never would have worked Kagome. We didn’t trust each other. We were two of loneliest people in the world and drew on each other for comfort.

“What you and I have… Fuck Kagome. Even just as friends, we have such a--shit. Kagome, I’ve never had friends. Even my only family hates my guts. You were my first friend. The first person to trust me with your life. Do you even know what that means to me??”

“Inuyasha…” Luckily she was drawn out of her little spiraling depressive shell she had put around herself. Maybe they should have had this talk years ago…

“Kagome--with Naraku--fuck. He wants to hurt me. He wants me to die mentally; physically he probably couldn’t give a shit. But he wants me to suffer for whatever reason. Do you know how he would succeed in that?”

“I--”

“By taking you away from me. Kagome--don’t you get it?”

“Inuyasha--just--just say it. Please,” she whispered.

“I love you, dumbass,” he finally said. Breathlessly. Because the air from his lungs had whooshed out of his body. Because every fucking promise he made to her, made himself just went out the window. Typical. His mouth always did end up running away from him. But he couldn’t believe she had thought she was so low on the totem pole… how could she honestly believe that he didn’t care about her? That he’d fucking use her body like that?

Mating was a serious thing in inuyoukai culture. Fuck--even in this era women didn’t typically go opening their legs to just anyone. Yea, things were different in her time but goddamn--he was not going to allow her to do that to him. To her even. If she wanted to be with him, it would be a lifetime commitment. Once he had her, he was too selfish to ever let her go.

“Inuyasha--I--”

“I’m not gonna just rut you and leave you. That’s not how this would go, Kagome. That’s not who I am. Don’t you think I have a little more honor than that? Don’t you think even as a friend I care about you more than that??”

“I’m sorry…” she said, her voice disheartened.

“Damn right you should be sorry! If we do this--this is a lifetime commitment. Not your lifetime; mine.”

“What??” She said looking up at him in shock.

“Inuyoukai mate for life--”

“But your dad--”

“My old man rutted Sesshomaru’s mom for a powerful heir. I’m not lookin’ for someone to take over my land. Fuck--I have a fucking forest the villagers named after me in fear that I would one day wake.”

“But--”

“Yea, he mated with my mom and he died. Shit happens. But she had me to love and protect and raise. The mate bond only affects the demon in the relationship as far as if you got hurt and died, then I would. Not the inverse. What would happen for you is that it would wear off and you’d begin to age like normal.”

“Are you… Are you asking me to be your mate?”

“God, you’re slow,” he smirked lightheartedly.

She glared at him, “Inuyasha… This isn’t a joke.”

“I’m aware of that; it also isn’t a tryst.”

“Touche… So… Uhm--where--where would we live? When this was all over?”

“Whatever village would take us. Or a cave. Wilderness. Seems like the more likely option.”

“What about my era?” He gave her a look of ‘Yea--with my ears?’ “Oh, you’re-you’re right. It wouldn’t work…”

“Look, I wasn’t--I wasn’t trying to make you choose. You can take all the time you need. I wasn’t gonna say anything until the jewel was whole and we figured out what to do with it. We can just go slow--I can court you and--”

“Inuyasha; I love you too. I don’t want to ever be without you. If I didn’t want to be here, yes it would eat me up inside because I was the one who broke the jewel but I want to be with you; by your side. Kikyo could have taken my spot… If--If we had to live in a cave, forest, wherever I’d be alright. I’d still be with you.”

“Are you sure about this Kagome? There aren't any take backs on this kind of thing…”

“Now who is doubting whom?” She tilted her head frowning slightly.

“Whatever, wench,” he replied with no bite. “Forever is just a long time to not think about this. I swore I’d protect you; that includes myself. You might not realize what being mated to half-breed means.”

“I don’t understand what you mean; is there… other stuff we’d have to do or--”

“You’ll be called the demon’s bitch. The half-demon’s slut. Anything you’ve ever heard thrown at me, they’ll be hurled at you.”

“I don’t care about what people think about me. I care about what you think… Will you think those things of me?”

“Kagome!! What the fuck--?!”

“See? Of course you won’t. Neither will our friends…” She trailed off and looked slightly uncomfortable and her scent shifted.

“What are you worried about?”

“You--You may not love Kikyo like you used to… but--”

“Sigh… it’s been a long time coming for that conversation. She does know how I feel about you. That’s another reason she doesn’t press to travel with us. The last time we met, she had asked if I had told you yet, that was awkward,” he said blushing, letting his ears fall flat on his head. The embarrassment was worth it when he heard laugh lightly and felt her cold hand on his ear. Fuck. He secretly loved it when she would just brush his ears in passing. But it seemed the secret was out… Because an unbridled rumble erupted from his chest. Damnit.

“Are you purring?” She asked, smiling mischievously.

“NO! I DO NOT PURR!”

“Sure--sure,” she agreed with undeniable amusement laced in her voice as she continued to rub his ears. Feeling the other effects it was having on him, he reached up and paused her ministrations.

“You’re--You’re gonna have to stop.”

“Why?” Oh, poor sweet innocent Kagome… He conveyed a face that hopefully told her what he honestly didn’t want to confess out loud. Unfortunately, he was pretty sure the piece of anatomy that was now poking into her side. It had the inverse effect though; her scent spiked again.

Fuck she was like a drug. He already knew he had no hope in separating from her; but she obviously held no reservations. She wanted what he did. Even more so maybe. She had been willing to just have him for a night. Claiming she was being the selfish one. Bullshit. If anyone was selfish, it was him.

He slowly leaned in again but paused just a breath away to wait for her to close the distance. While he was selfish, he wanted this to ultimately be her choice. He had already made his. It was her. Always her.

Luckily, or thankfully, whichever it was, she closed the gap between them and kissed him. Fuck he was a goner. He loved her. Everything about her. From her eyes, to her voice, to her sweet honey flavored tongue shoved into his mouth brushing against his fangs, her breasts he was squeezing through her sleep shirt, her kind personality, her overflowing love-- he could go on and on.

When she pulled back he was taken by surprise, which wasn’t an easy feat. Especially when her legs were straddling his hips. He opened his eyes which he hadn’t even realized had closed and saw her shred her pink tank top that had already barely contained her large round mounds.

From the time she had first come to his era to now Kagome had grown from a girl to a woman. She was now eighteen and her figure was more apparent, more enticing and womanly. While she was still a head shorter than he was, her bust had grown, her hips had expanded in preparation for bearing children, muscles were developed from years of running, walking, fighting, and fuck best of all, her gorgeous blue eyes just seemed to have gotten darker to match the ocean she loved to visit. That was one of her favorite places to go when they had a moment and while he bitched, he secretly loved taking her there to explore.

Without thinking, because when did he ever, he swallowed her nipple whole and swirled his tongue around it until he felt it point from excitement. Once he thoroughly ravished one side, he moved to the other. He felt her nimble fingers untying the strings to his haori and aided her in her efforts to remove it. Once she started to shove it down his arms, he pulled away and laid down his kosode and robe of the fire rat. He turned back to her and twisted to lay her down upon the makeshift bed he had made.

After she was fully on her back, he started kissing her again, his hands restless as they studied every curve she possessed more thoroughly than he had with his eyes. Even though their mouths were battling for dominance, his ears caught every sigh, moan, and gasp her voice made.

Once his hands hit the waistline of her pants, she stilled him. Shifting beneath him, she encouraged him to remove her pants. Who was he to refuse what she desired?

Once her pants and underwear were pulled down, he acted without thinking and moved his mouth down her body. Without his mouth swallowing her moans he soon realized how loud she was. He smirked at the idea of seeing how far he could push her--to see what would come out of that smart mouth of hers.

He reached her raven curls and nudged her legs apart. She hesitated slightly and he looked up to see nervousness in her eyes. Swiftly he moved back to look directly into her eyes and grasped her face in his hands as he straddled her.

“You’re beautiful, Kagome. You’re mine. We don’t have to continue though--we can stop and go slowly.”

“N-No. Sorry--I just-- I was kind of nervous about how I smell. It’s been a little bit since we’ve hit a hot spring or river to bathe off in,” she said bashfully.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at her reasonings, “Oh Kagome. Trust me; you smell like a fucking buffet. I can’t wait to taste you.” He licked his lips teasingly as he watched her flush and swallow. He kissed her again hard to try and coax out the woman who originally pleaded to take her for one night. That confidence was what she needed.

Once she was fervent in her kisses again, he dove back down to what his instincts were calling for; a taste of her nether regions. That time when he reached it she didn’t fight him when he spread her legs and laid between them. He initially shoved his nose between her folds. He was slightly tickled by the black hairs that hid her sex from him but fuck, if it was pleasureable with the scent that was so Kagome surrounding every inch of him. He dipped his tongue into her lips and goddamn--he almost lost consciousness. It was better than he had ever fucking dreamed of.

He may have gone a little mad with arousal when he dove in and began eating her out. Control was something he obviously lacked as he lapped up her juices and explored every inch of her sex with his mouth. Not that she seemed like she was complaining at all. No, if anything the cry of his name, the writhing of her body from the sensations he was giving her, and her grabbing his head (thankfully not his ears) pulling him closer only made him want to dive in more.

She had a nub that seemed to really make her wail out louder when he played with that. He decided to focus on that area, thinking he teased her enough, especially from her begging him brokenly for--well he assumed completion. But she didn’t direct him to verbally do anything, only push his head to the nub. Again, who was he to tell her no?

He carefully took two fingers and placed them slightly at her opening, still not confident enough to insert them without some practice, and teased her. She seemed like she was losing her mind in the throes of passion. To be fair, so was he. He was grinding himself on the fucking grass to eleviate some of the pain of his hardened cock.

He realized she was coming when she yelled out his name and her body released more liquid onto his fingers, which he happily licked up. Once she had stilled from her convulsions, he slunk his way back up her body and laughed deeply at her blissed out expression.

“Inuyasha that was--”

“I got just as much out of it as you did--if not more,” he smirked and leaned down to kiss her. She hungirly accepted and reached for his hakama ties. He didn’t stop her and felt her foot come up and hook around it to help ease it down. Without removing his mouth from hers, he kicked off his pants and then hovered over her briefly to just take in the moment. Her flushed cheeks, the glistening sweat on her forehead, the glazed-over look of lust in her dark blue eyes…

“I love you, Inuyasha,” she told him as he sank himself down over her body and lined himself up to enter her.

He kissed her soundly as he dipped his tip to her entrance and his hair fell around them to envelope them in a silver curtain of privacy. As she wrapped her arms around him and spread her legs wider to open herself more to him, he whimpered. The tight heat that consumed his throbbing hardened cock was literally something he never thought he would feel; even in his dream he had never felt so much desperation. But he refused to move in fear of hurting her further.

"Inuyashaaa,” she moaned once he was fully seated inside of her.

“Are you alright?” He asked through gritted teeth. Fuck, he wasn’t a teenager anymore but at this rate he was gonna--

“Yes; stretched but-- it’s like we belong together. You fit perfectly,” she sighed as she brushed her fingers through his hair out of his face to look into his eyes.

She was right though. They did belong together. Then. There. Forever.

He was tentative when he first started pumping inside her but her cries and panting encouraged him. While she said she loved him for who he was, he was still scared he may hurt her. But her mews, pleas for more, and movements from her hips to return his thrusts, fuck, his bitch was amazing.

“Inu-Ya--” she said brokenly as those beautiful sapphire orbs closed and she whimpered.

He ground his hips in circles and brushed his pelvis against her sensitive clit, earning a high pitched cry, “What do you want Kagome? Do you want to be fucked by a demon?”

“Y-yes,” she pleaded using her hands to pull him by his hips closer if that was even possible. He pulled away and she whined, trying to pull him back, but once she figured out what he was doing she moaned his name in impatience.

He threw her legs upon his shoulders and reentered her hard. His cock was in deeper now, his hand was free from holding her leg close to his waist. He reached around and started pinching her very stimulated nub. She began mewling uncontrolablly and it was fucking glorious. To hear such pleasures he was bringing her only made his cock harder if that was even possible.

“Is that what you want Kagome?? To be with a demon?”

“Ahhhh,” she cried as he felt her walls tighten around him. God. Damn. “Yashhhhh,” she ground out flailing her head back and forth. Her breasts were bouncing with every hard and quick pound he gave her. His dick was just at the tip of her womb and he silently thanked Kami she wasn’t in fucking heat otherwise this night would have ended very differently.

He dipped his head to her ear and exhaled making her writhe further under him, “Are you gonna cum for me, Ka-Go-Me?”

“Gods--” he heard her swear before she wailed out her release into the night. Riding out her orgasm it took everything not to explode right then. He slowly eased himself back between her spread legs and sat her up. She was fucking gorgeous; her face was still glistening in sweat, her breathing was starting to calm from her orgasm but still audible to his demonic hearing--scratch that, even a mortal would be able to her her subtle groan and sigh, and her hair was wilder than normal.

He cradled the back of her head to bring her into a kiss as he pumped into her before he couldn’t stave off his own release any longer. He broke the kiss when he felt his youki rising, his fangs growing--

Her hands brushing his cheeks and her accepting eyes calmed his initial panic. She pulled his face to be at her shoulder; she was silently asking him to mark her. He didn’t even mention that to her; he needed to make a note to thank Sango for likely educating her about mating behind his back.

His fangs bit down into her shoulder and she winced at the initial pain but relaxed into it as he spilled his seed inside her. Once he was completely drained, he unclamped his jaw and laved the spot on her neck he had marked then gave it a kiss. She was his. Forever.

“Kagome?”

“Mmmmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better,” she said, taking his face into her hands again as she leaned in to kiss him.

“I meant--about you coming out here--”

“Oh… Yes and no. I think there’ll always be rougher days; but I have you to lean on. We’ll make it through together.”

He smiled and nuzzled her cheek as he wrapped her up in his haori. He threw his hakama back on along with his kosode and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Keeping her close, he just allowed her to snuggle into his chest for comfort over the long and tiring day. Her breathing evened out but he didn’t dare move. He wanted this moment to last forever.

#inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha x kagome #inukag #inu x kag #hurt comfort #smut

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