#he’s a horrible person but a horrible person I share some experiences and traits with

[crowsoundsonly]

dr. barnes

pair: fbi instructor!professor!bucky barnes x fem!student!reader

word count: ~6.5k

summary: you ask for some advice from your reclusive and very attractive professor.

warnings: teacher student relationship so slight age gap but i had pictured it being less than 10 years, super soft bucky, smut at the end (~1.3k), fingering (f rec) but not super descriptive, crime scene descriptions, descriptions of blood, some christian/religious references at the crime scenes, (let me know if i missed any !!)

a/n: this one held me hostage for weeks. i literally could not stop thinking about it. do i have uni exams this week? yes. but did i spend my time writing this? also yes. i hope you guys like it !!

“Explain the killer. What does he do? What motivates him? How would you catch him? A thousand words printed by the next class. Have a good weekend,” your professor, Dr. Barnes, announces with a nod, cueing the shuffling of laptops and bags belonging to FBI trainees eager to get home on a Friday afternoon.

You load up your things, your mind still thinking about the brutal crime scene photos shown on the slides of the lecture today that made your stomach turn over. While you know you have chosen to be at the FBI, you can’t help but wonder sometimes what you are doing there. Your degree in psychology and doctorate in criminology has led you to the FBI Academy, but your mind still swirls when the most horrible acts of violence are placed in front of you. You chalk it up to you retaining your humanity and sanity, so you are not exactly upset over the fact. It just makes your job more difficult.

Dr. Barnes’ class is always the most brutal, but it is by far the most fascinating class you have. It does help that your professor is the most fascinating part, being very good looking and extremely private. He shares very little personal information, telling you only that he used to work homicide at the police department before beginning teaching. You notice that he does not talk to students often, simply giving his lectures, packing up and leaving after the sea of students flood into the hallways.

You are curious about him, about what he is like when he is not lecturing, and figuring that you have little to lose, you decide to come back after your classes to ask for some help. 

…

“Dr. Barnes?” you call out as you step into the lecture hall that is still lit, leaving you to believe that someone is there. You take a few more steps and find your professor sitting at his desk, photos piled around, staring intently at the laptop in front of him. He makes no movement to acknowledge you, his focus completely locked onto his work.

You walk all the way up to his desk, repeating his name which does little to deter him. You reach a hand out and give his shoulder a slight squeeze, causing him to jump in his seat and look up at you, eyes wide. 

“Sorry, Dr. Barnes. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

At your words, he scans your face, recognition dawning on his features. 

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” he says quietly, his eyes focusing on the books you are holding in your hands. 

“It’s okay, Dr. Barnes,” you assure him.

“Is there something I can do for you?” he trails off a bit at the end of his question, asking for your name in its absence.

You fill in your name and explain, “I just have a question. I’m writing a paper for another class and was hoping that you could give me some insight on the topic. I’m really just looking for another perspective.”

“Of course,” he says as he leans back in his chair. There is not another chair, so you take to sitting on the edge of his desk.

“The paper is about female serial killers, and I was wondering what you think the most common traits and motives are. We have discussed some examples in class, but I wanted to ask what your experience has been.”

He thinks for a moment, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes. “They usually work in health care professions. They’ll, um, they will be married or have been married before. They usually kill to improve their situation, so they’ll target people they know, usually men. But not all women,” he stops and looks up at you before continuing to explain a case he had while working homicide where they investigated a series of killings that followed the signs of a male killer but ended up being a woman. 

Dr. Barnes runs a hand through his hair when he finishes, leaning back in his chair. You can’t help but notice how good he looks in this position and at this angle. His dark hair tousled and glasses twirling between his thumbs, you think about how it would feel to reach out and feel his hair between your fingers. You school yourself, your face becoming hot at the idea. He is your professor, and you would do well to remember that. 

You continue the conversation, asking him questions and prodding for more insight. When you figure you have taken up enough of his time, you bow your head a bit and begin getting up from your place on the desk.

“Thank you for your help, Dr. Barnes. I really appreciate you taking the time.”

He nods in acknowledgment, a small smile adorning his lips which you watch perhaps a little too intently as he says. “It was nothing. I’m glad I could help.”

You begin walking toward the door of the lecture hall but are stopped by your name being called out.

“Would you actually mind taking a look at these pictures? I’d like to know what you see.”

You turn back around. The look on his face is one of curiosity. You wonder why he would want to ask you, and part of you wants to believe that it is because he wants you to stay, but you know better. 

��Sure,” you shrug, making your way back to his desk. “I’m not sure I’ll be of much help, though”

“Just take a look. It’s not a test, if that’s what you’re worried about,” your professor says, standing up to hand you the crime scene photos.

They are gruesome, but you don’t know what else you could have expected with Dr. Barnes. You examine them all the while trying to ignore the way he leans over your shoulder as you fail to concentrate. You are so close that if you took a single step back, you would be flush to him. 

Pushing those thoughts away, you focus your attention on the photos, flipping through them, noticing the odd blood splatter near the baseboard that doesn’t have a body laying anywhere near it. 

“What would make the killer climb on top of the counter to shoot someone, get down, and move the body?” you think out loud as you turn your head to look at Dr. Barnes. You notice how close your faces are and let out a breath at the discovery. “Dominance?” your voice is more shaky than you wanted it to sound.

“I was hoping you could tell me. My guess is they were waiting there, but it still doesn’t make sense,” he says, looking past you and to the picture you are holding. You look back down as well, grateful you did not make eye contact, the idea of the intimacy of it alarming.

“If they were standing on it, that would make sense, but the angle doesn’t really fit. It seems as if they were waiting for them to get home, and they sat, swinging their legs, completely calm and casual about shooting this person,” you pause, mulling over your words before saying, “Maybe they even knew this person. The proximity to the counter could mean that the victim was comfortable enough to approach them, and that the victim was unaware of what was going to happen.”

He hums in agreement in your ear, and a feeling of satisfaction washes over you. Turning back around, you hand the photos to your professor and take a step back. 

“I think you may be right,” he says with a nod, a small smile again creeping onto his features. You make eye contact and keep it, somewhat entranced by it.

“I’m glad I was able to help,” you smile. “Thanks again, Dr. Barnes. Have a good night.”

…

You anticipate going back to classes on Monday, knowing that you have to attend Dr. Barnes’ lecture. You don’t know if anything will be different after the night you spent talking to your professor. Part of you knows that nothing should be different. While there are only a few years between you, you are still his student.

But part of you wants things to be different. The entire weekend, you could not get out of your head the image of his face so close to yours or the sight of him as he leaned back in his chair, legs casually falling open. 

Dr. Barnes is not in the lecture hall when you arrive for which you are grateful. You settle into your seat and wait for the lecture to begin by fiddling with your laptop. When your professor does come in, you notice that he combed his hair today, letting it fall neatly over his forehead. The plaid shirt he wears still doesn’t match his suit, but you find it charming. He slips his glasses on and begins teaching.

The whole lecture you try valiantly to focus on the subject, but you fail rather miserably, unable to think of anything but how you stood right where he is, your back a foot away from his chest with him humming in your ear. It is going to be a long term if this is how every lecture is going to go.

You are brought back to reality when Dr. Barnes makes eye contact with you. He smiles which you quickly reciprocate, then he turns around, gesturing to the screen before anyone notices.

It is definitely going to be a long semester.

…

Weeks go on with you and Dr. Barnes smiling at each other from afar, both of you knowing that you would be playing with fire if you do anything more than smile. But the longer you go simply smiling, the more you want to do something about it.

And one day, he does something about it. On your way out of the lecture hall, Dr. Barnes stops you, calling out your name. You walk over, anticipation coiling in your stomach.

“I’ve another case I’d like your opinion on. Do you have time tonight to take a look?” he asks you quietly so as to not draw the attention of the students still exiting the room.

“Yes. Here at 7:30?”

He nods, making a flash of eye contact which you return with a smile. 

…

You make your way to Dr. Barnes’ lecture hall, your stomach roiling with nerves. You have thought too much about him, fantasized a little often for you to not think about it when you talk to him. The soles of your shoes click on the tile as you walk the hallway. You take a deep breath and open the door.

Dr. Barnes is reclined behind his desk, crime scene photos in his hand as he flips through them intently. At your entrance, his head flicks up to find your figure approaching his desk.

“Hey, thanks for coming,” he says as he stands up. 

“Hi, yeah. It’s – yeah it’s no problem, Dr. Barnes,” you manage to get out, tripping over your words more than you would have liked. Another deep breath to collect yourself. “What can I do to help?”

He leans against the front of his desk and reaches behind him to grab the photos he was examining before. You take a few steps closer to grab them from his outstretched hand.

“A recent set of murders. It’s odd to say the least,” he starts, watching you intently as you study the photos. 

The scene is horrifying, blood smeared across the walls, not as blood spray or splatter, but in an image. A lamb. Your mind spins as you look through more of the pictures, each of them showing blood splashed on the walls. You wonder what the killer did in order to get that much blood. There is too much for it to have come from just one body.

“How many people were found dead?”

“Only one,” he answers, leaning in to help you find the image of the body heaped over the table. You can’t help but notice everywhere his body touches yours, how his breath flutters against your neck, but you cast those thoughts away to focus on the case at hand.

“There had to have been more. There’s too much blood,” you mumble as you cart through the images again, counting as you go. A beat passes as you take in the scene, contemplating before constructing ideas.

“What do you see?”

“In ancient religious practices, a lamb would be sacrificed and the blood would be sprinkled around seven times. There are seven places where the blood was thrown on the wall,” you pause to show him each one. You glance up at your professor who is looking on intently, urging you to continue. “Then you have the body placed on the table. It could be sacrificial. The lamb was supposed to be perfect. Without blemish. Maybe – maybe the killer saw this person as their perfect – their perfect lamb, as someone who would put them in favor with God. The sacrificial lamb is sacramental. Symbolic. Messianic. It’s an act of repentance. So what was the killer repenting from?”

A hum from Dr. Barnes pulls you out of your reverie and breaks your focus from the crime scene photos. You lean around his form to place the pictures back on his desk, your shoulder brushing against his arm. His eyes follow you before he brings a hand up to rub his eyes, almost like he is physically rubbing away the images.

“Do you think the killer knew the victim?” he asks quietly, bringing his hands down to meet your eyes.

“I think they could be family. Family or close friends. They were their savior,” you answer, matching his tone.

Dr. Barnes nods in agreement and in that moment, you can see that he looks like a man who is carrying the world on his shoulders. He slouches forward slightly, his hair strewn around his ears with bags under his eyes. It takes everything in you to not reach out a hand to touch his cheek, to rub a thumb across his lips as you have in your dreams.

Appalled by your own thoughts, you take a step back to give yourself space to halt that train of thought. The movement makes him stand, subconsciously trying to keep the close proximity between you. You don’t break eye contact, making the moment intimate. Intense.

“This case has been keeping me up at night,” he confesses as he brings a hand to run through his hair with a sigh, breaking eye contact. “I wonder where the other bodies are. I can’t seem to get my mind around it.” 

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” you say in nearly a whisper. “You’re good at what you do.”

“Thank you for your help. It’s some really great insight you had.”

“It’s no problem, Dr. Barnes.”

“Bucky,” he says quickly, rushing it out like he knows he shouldn’t let it pass his lips.

“Bucky,” you repeat, trying the name out on your tongue. 

You then fall into easy conversation, learning more about each other. You discover that Bucky has a PhD in criminology as well, and that he used to be a field agent but decided to leave it to become a teacher at the academy. Part of you wants to ask why, but you figure that it isn’t a conversation he wants to have while still getting to know you. He asks about your life, your family, your education. He is interested in why and how you landed at the academy. You answer him honestly, not inclined to hide away as you normally do when people ask those questions.

Bucky is surprisingly sociable. Based on his reclusiveness when it comes to students, you were not expecting to hold such easy and fun conversation. It makes you want to spend the whole night chatting, joking, exploring. But you know you should not stay. 

When the conversation lulls, you glance at your watch and ask, “Is there anything else I can do for you, Bucky? I think I might head home.”

Before you can even register what is happening, he takes a singular step forward and leans in to meet his lips to yours. In shock, you stand limply, not sure how to respond. You can’t deny that you have thought about this moment for weeks, dreaming about it, imagining what it would be like to kiss him. Bucky. But you hadn’t expected it to happen tonight.

And before you have time to respond, he pulls away, opening his eyes to look at you with wide ones of his own.

“I’m sorry, I–”

You don’t acknowledge his apology, instead leaning in to kiss him again, only you are prepared for it this time. He responds immediately as his lips move slowly over yours, testing the waters. Your hands are still by your sides, but his come to settle in your hair and over your arm. His kisses are controlled and soft, not pressing for more than what you are willing to give. A sigh flutters from your nose which ghosts over his cheeks.

Breaking away for a second, you open your eyes and find his already looking at you. The both of you know that you are playing with fire. You are still his student, and he is your professor, but the feeling of his lips on yours overrules any rational thought at the moment.

You give a slight nod and he takes that as a green light to kiss you again. Bucky pulls you closer, and your hands find their way around his torso, snaking up into his hair. It is his turn to sigh at the action which causes satisfaction to roll down your back in waves that has you leaning further into the kiss, opening your mouth ever so slightly. He takes advantage and kisses you deeper. A soft moan escapes you at the feeling, followed by a shaky breath.

He pulls away, a triumphant smile playing at his mouth. 

“I’m not sorry,” he whispers.

“Me neither.”

He kisses you once more, chaste and short, but it carries more meaning than any of the other kisses. It tells you that he has thought about this, too. It wasn’t a spur of the moment, impulsive decision. And it tells you that he plans on doing it again.

…

You settle into a routine with Bucky. After class on Fridays, he stops you on your way out and quietly asks you to come back to look over a case or his lectures. You always nod and come back at 7:30. 

The unspoken truth of the need for secrecy looms over your blooming relationship, but you are almost spurred on by the illicitness of it all. You haven’t done anything more than kiss. You haven’t even interacted beyond the walls of the lecture hall. You both know that it is safest that way. 

The more time you spend together, the more you find yourself falling in love with Bucky. His quirks make you smile. The way he perks up when you walk through the door makes your heart flutter in your chest. You have never felt so valued by anyone before. He trusts your opinions. He respects your honesty. You admire his dedication to what he does. You find his quiet nature calming. 

The list of things you love about Bucky keeps you up at night as you replay scenes of kissing at his desk behind your eyes as you fall asleep. Bucky kisses you like you are ice cream on a sunny day, slow and hungry like he savors every second of your mouth on his. He never presses you for more, only going so far as to set you up on his desk, pulling your hips to his, allowing you to wrap your legs around him as you wind your fingers in his hair. He always sighs when you tug at it which gives you the opportunity to kiss at his neck, your chin always getting scratched by his stubble. 

You love the routine. However, it makes it hard to concentrate during the lectures since all you can think about when you look at his desk is how good his hands felt on your hips and how his lips were pressed to yours when you were propped up on the wood yourself.

The semester continues on following your routine. If anyone suspects anything, they don’t say. You can’t imagine that someone hasn’t picked up on the soft smiles he sends your direction during lectures, and stragglers leaving class late on Fridays must hear his whispers for you to come back. 

Steadily approaching the end of the term, you begin to question how long your routine will continue. You will no longer be Bucky’s student. Could you actually date? Would he want to? Is that what you want?

…

The familiar tug of nerves settles in the pit of your stomach as you walk to class with Bucky — Dr. Barnes if you were still professional, but you figure that his lips have kissed you a few too many times and in a few too many places for you to call him that. It is your last class in his lecture hall, meaning that beyond today, you are free to make a decision as to whether this is serious or not.

In your heart of hearts, you want this to keep going. You love how you feel around Bucky. While you have not said it out loud, you love him. You feel yourself aching to hear him say it, too. 

When you arrive in the room, Bucky is already there, nervously flipping through crime scene photos while running his hands through his hair, creating a rather haphazard mess on his head. He looks more anxious than usual, and it takes everything in you to not to stride to his desk and ask him what’s wrong. 

Instead, you brush past him, trailing a quick hand over his arm, hoping that it has a calming effect over him. His eyes flash to yours as you cast a look over your shoulder, smiling at him. He sends you a tight lipped smile back as his shoulders shrug down from their place beside his ears. 

From your seat, you watch Bucky pace around a bit, obviously concerned about something. You rub your palms over your thighs when you discover them clenched in worry. You wonder if his stress has anything to do with the reason you were nervous coming to class today — the talk you know is coming tonight. You figure it does when his eyes glance over at you every few minutes before beginning the lecture.

You find yourself becoming sentimental about the semester as you look around the room, taking in the feeling for the last time. If you and Bucky do decide to continue your relationship, you can never take one of his classes again. If you don’t continue to see Bucky, you doubt you will want to take one of his classes again. You will miss his funny side comments that come out of left field. You will miss his mismatched suits and disheveled hair. 

The sound of Bucky announcing the end of class breaks you out of your thoughts, and the shuffling of backpacks and feet brings you back to reality. A stream of students thank Bucky as they flow out of the classroom for the final time. You stall a minute, waiting for the throng to exit out the doors before approaching your professor.

“Hey, Bucky,” you say quietly, clutching your laptop to your chest. 

“Hey.”

You watch him lean against his desk, hands pressed to the edge of the wood. 

“How are you doing?” you ask the question that has been waiting to erupt since you entered the lecture hall an hour previous. “You seem nervous.”

A chuckle that comes out more as a sigh escapes him. “Yeah. I’m fine. I, uh, I just didn’t get much sleep last night. How are…how are you?”

“Wistfully contemplating the end of my time in your class,” you reply playfully, hoping that the happy tone will hide the melancholy you really feel about the idea.

This elicits a laugh from Bucky as he looks at you through his lashes — a look that always has your knees threatening to come out from under you. You take steps closer and set your laptop down on his desk, then place your hands on his shoulders, running them down his arms to settle in his hands.

“Do you want to get dinner with me tonight?” you ask, the words barely more than a whisper. You want to catch them in the air, afraid that your proposal to disrupt the routine will be rejected.

But Bucky smiles immediately, thinking for a moment before saying, “Why don’t I cook dinner?”

Your stomach flutters at the thought of watching him in the kitchen. You nod in response.

“7:30?”

“7:30,” you repeat before letting go of his hands to walk out the doors, throwing a smile over your shoulder as you go.

…

The drive to Bucky’s house is quiet but comfortable. About halfway through the trip, your hands link together, resting on your thigh. You talk lazily, asking questions about each others’ days since your morning lecture. There is something so calming about Bucky. You trust him. You love him.

Every once in a while, your eyes flick over to watch him drive, eyes intently focused on the road ahead. He can feel your gaze, so he sends a glance over to you with a soft smile playing on his lips. 

“What?” he asks when you don’t shy away from his eyes.

“Nothing, Buck. I just like being with you.”

“I do, too.”

The sweetness of his simple confession does more to your confidence than you ever thought possible. You feel comfortable around Bucky. You need only be yourself when you are with him, and hearing that same sentiment from him gives you hope that he wants this to continue just as much as you do.

You squeeze his hand, at which he laughs softly, squeezing yours back, brushing his thumb over the knuckles on the back of your hand.

Gravel crunching under tires and the faint sound of dogs barking indicates that you have arrived at your destination. You open the car door and follow Bucky to the front steps of a small house on the edge of town. A large open field is situated behind his house, neighbors nonexistent. Given Bucky’s personality, you are not surprised to discover that he lives alone, away from people, away from the city. 

A flash of nervousness pricks at your mind, as no one would be around if Bucky shows you that isn’t the guy you think he is. But you trust him, and you trust him enough to accept your fate if it does prove to be your downfall.

The door creaks open, and Bucky flicks on the light. Two big dogs come bounding to greet you both, circling his feet until he crouches down to give them the attention they are begging for. To see Bucky with his dogs makes your mind go fuzzy and warm, the tenderness of the scene eradicating your doubts from before.

“Charlie and Duke,” Bucky says, showing you which dog belongs to which name, rubbing each of them affectionately before standing and grabbing your hand.

“They’re adorable.”

“They’re good dogs.”

He leans in for a quick kiss, the domesticity of it causing your breath to catch in your throat. He pulls away smiling, then tugs you into the kitchen where he drags a chair out from the table for you to sit on.

“Sit,” Bucky says with mirth in his voice.

You laugh but do as you are told. 

“I was thinking of making steaks. Is that okay with you?”

“Sounds great.”

You watch Bucky make his way around the kitchen, obviously having done this a lot. He looks comfortable. He catches you staring, meeting your gaze head on, an easy smile adorning his mouth before asking, “What are you smiling at?”

“You. I like seeing you here,” you say quietly. 

“Not as much as I like seeing you sit at my table. I’ve thought about this a lot,” he admits with his back to you as he throws the steaks in the pan. “I like being around you. I’m more comfortable with you than anyone else. You make me feel — you make me feel normal. Most people don’t do that. They don’t — they don’t want to understand me. My old friends can only think about who I was before I quit the force. They don’t — they don’t want to like who I am now.”

The words spill out of Bucky before he can stop them, opening up to you in a way that he has not before. He has let you in here and there over the months you have been spending together in the lecture hall, but he has stayed rather private even then. Not sure what to say in response, you simply move from your place at the table to stand behind him, wrapping your arms around his torso, resting your cheek on his back. You can feel him relax into your touch, and it is a comfort to you both.

“Bucky, I think I am in love with you,” you whisper into his shirt. His body tenses, the sizzling of the meat in the pan filling the silence. Your heart pounds in your chest as you wait for him to say something. Burying your face further into him, disappointment and embarrassment creeping in your stomach, settling heavily when he doesn’t say anything. When a minute that feels like an eternity passes in silence, you mutter a quiet, “I’m sorry.” 

You let go of Bucky and take a step back. He quickly takes the pan off the heat and whips around to face you, pulling you back to him, whispering your name. 

“I love you,” the words are sure and confident coming from his lips. “I know I do.”

He looks at you intently, not shying away from your eyes before leaning in and kissing you softly. You get lost in his kisses, the pounding of your heart racing at a steady quick beat. Bucky backs you into the counter where he cages you with his hands as you weave one of your hands into his hair, the other running up his spine.

“Stay the night,” he mumbles between kisses.

You pull away and nod, meeting his eyes again, kissing him once without breaking the contact.

…

Settling on his couch after laughing yourselves silly over the dinner table, Bucky is close behind you with bowls of ice cream in hand. He hands you a spoon before sitting down right beside you, pulling your legs to stretch over his lap. He runs a hand absentmindedly over your shins as the two of you eat your ice cream. 

“Why did you come talk to me that night?,” he asks between spoonfuls. “You didn’t really need my help. You knew everything I was telling you.”

You smile like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “I did need your help,” you assert before admitting, “but I also just wanted an excuse to talk to you.”

The sound of his laugh makes your heart flutter the same way it does when he looks up at you from behind his desk. 

“Hey, not all my professors are attractive recluses who deserve a starring role in my nightly fantasies.”

“Oh, so you fantasize about me,” he presses, the smirk on his face unlike any expression you have ever seen on him. He looks smug, proud, teasing. It makes heat flash to your core.

You hum but it comes out more as a squeak, your focus turning intently on the ice cream melting in your bowl.

“Do you want to know what I’ve fantasized about you?” Bucky asks lowly, grabbing the bowl from your hands, causing your eyes to lift to his. You watch him set it on the floor. Your heart begins pounding again as he moves to climb over you, settling between your open legs.

“What have you fantasized about, Bucky?” you ask quietly, voice shaky.

You take a breath when he leans in, capturing your lips in a soft kiss. You open your mouth to deepen it, and he takes advantage, his tongue pressing to your upper lip. The feeling has your hips rolling and sighs falling from your throat.

He pulls away to murmur into your neck, “Every time I would sit on my couch, I thought about laying you down and kissing you until you can’t remember your own name.”

Your eyes are screwed shut as you tug at his hair, his words forming pools of heat between your hips where his own apply pressure. Your words fail you, only a whimper escaping you. His lips move along your neck, working their way back to your mouth, giving due attention to the places on the way that have you squirming beneath him. You hands tug at his shirt to slip your fingers beneath the fabric, skimming up his back, scratching lightly.

His kisses become feverish at the feeling of your nails down his back. One hand hooks your knee to pull your form even closer to his, hips slipping into place. You can feel yourself becoming wetter by the second, the slow circling of his hips against yours creating friction that has you moaning.

In one swift motion, his hands are gliding up your sides, taking your shirt with you. You lean up to help him before settling back down against the pillows. He sits on his heels to take his own shirt off which allows you to see him in the faint light casted by the lamp in the corner.

You notice a shining scar that extends from one hip to the other below his navel. Fingertips reach out to touch it, barely making contact before his own hand stills your movements. 

“Is this why you quit the force?” you ask barely above a whisper.

He only nods, his feelings of vulnerability silencing him. You aren’t disgusted by it. It doesn’t change how you see him. You don’t pity him. You are simply curious. And amazed at his strength. He survived whatever left him this scar.

“Can I see it?”

Bucky takes a fluttering breath through his nose then nods again. You climb to the floor, resting on your knees between his legs. You glance up at him and see his head lolling to the side as he looks down at you, eyes hazy and soft. His eyebrows are scrunched, letting you know that he is concentrated, but the dam of secrecy surrounding Bucky is breaking with every passing second.

Tentatively, you stretch a hand forward, your fingertips grazing the scar. His stomach flexes beneath your touch. 

No one has seen his scar since the doctor sewed him back up. He has a fear of pity. He knows that people won’t see him the same when they see the effects of what happened to him — of what was done to him. But he doesn’t see pity in your eyes. He sees awe and amazement. 

Without warning, you press your lips to his stomach, the intimacy of it rendering his mind blank. You hear him swear quietly which urges you to keep going. You kiss all along the scar, his hips, then upwards before you climb into his lap. You find his lips again and kiss slowly, surely, passionately.

“I love you, Bucky.”

“I love you, too.”

You share a few more kisses before he stands up, pulling you with him to his room. He fumbles through his dressers to find a shirt and pair of shorts for you to wear. He hands them to you, then rummages through the bathroom cabinets to find a new toothbrush for you to use.

You thank him after he says that he will meet you back at the bed. The calm and comfort of being with Bucky is undeniable. The domesticity of the night has your heart skipping beats. You quickly change and brush your teeth before making your way to his bed. Noticing books stacked on the nightstand on one side, you slip under the covers of the other, sighing contently when you settle in.

Bucky comes in a moment later with only sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He decided to not put a shirt back on, relishing in the freedom that being with you gives him. He doesn’t climb into bed immediately, but rather stands and looks at you for a moment, curled up in his sheets.

“What have you fantasized about here?” you ask teasingly, but your voice comes out thinner than you had intended. 

At your words, his tongue darts out to lick his lips. He approaches the bed slowly, kneeling down beside you. 

“I want to know yours,” he says, his voice husky and low. You bite your lip, your eyes widening. A shaky inhale.

Soft kisses line the inside of your knee, trailing a path up your thighs. You let out a hitched moan when he places a kiss to your clothed core, your hands winding themselves in his hair. You tug slightly, inviting him to come up to the bed with you.

When he climbs up, you lean back, your shirt riding up over your stomach. Wordlessly, you pull his hands to your body, his calloused palms caressing the exposed skin. He runs his thumbs under your breasts, causing you to arch into his touch. Bucky can’t believe that you respond to him so keenly. He barely touches you and you are curving beneath him, aching for more. 

His lips find your neck, behind your ear, sucking gently. Your hands pull his hips to yours, rocking steadily into him. You suck in a breath, gathering the courage to grab one of his hands to lead it to where you want to feel him the most.

Bucky follows your lead without resistance, kissing you softly in an expression of consent. He helps you pull your shorts off, then presses two fingers to the wet patch on your panties. The pressure has your hips jutting into his touch, overwhelmed by the sensation when his fingers push the fabric to the side.

Your hips move in circles with his movements, his lips kissing you through it all. Moans slip and tumble from your mouth, leaving you hiccupping in pleasure. The cords in your stomach begin snapping when he speeds up his ministrations, your body contracting through your release.

“You did so good, sweetheart,” he whispers to you as he helps you come down from your high. 

Your eyes are crimped shut, but after a moment’s respite and a few encouraging kisses from Bucky, you come back to yourself. You open your eyes to find him watching you intently. You smile lazily then breathe, “Your turn.”

a/n: yayayay !! thanks for reading this !! let me know if you want to be on my taglist :):) and here is my masterlist if you want to check out my other work ! and check out MY SLEEPOVER going on right now !!

[goodolddumbbanana]

Can I hear more of your thoughts on toxic yaoi sun and dark sun please?

Hehe... Saying Sun x Dark Sun in toxic yaoi mode but actually, it is not that bad and horrible.

Okay... So... You know how often the people who are closest to you will bring out the best and worst sides of you?

In my toxic yaoi timeline, Sun kinda joined Dark Sun because he has hurt Moon badly (again, accidentally, because Moon's Killcode activated again), and even Earth (accidentally) because she has said something hurtful to Sun (not her fault, she just got triggered by Nexus and thinks Sun will end up exactly the same like him)

Anyway, Sun will feel so ashamed of himself and run away, like he couldn't believe he can control himself without hurting people.

He feels like he is the poison, that whatever he touches just splashes everywhere.

Dark Sun just innocently comes to check on Sun, you know, just to see how he is doing.

Then he asks Sun to come with him. I mean, technically, he said He will give Sun two options,

1. Get out of this dimension and Sun would never be found by anyone he doesn't want. (But Dark Sun)

Or 2. Come with him, and he will help Sun to not get hurt like that anymore. Because Sun helps Sun.

Sun chose option 2. (a momentary decision but he can't take it back anymore)

So because it is his own choice and his own fault (nobody blames him, they only want him to go home but Sun didn't know it. ), Sun will be very needy but conflicted to Dark Sun.

(awkwardly doing everything like a lost dog to get Dark Sun attention for most of the moments, but then feel nervous and hostile of Dark Sun for what he does, what he is planning.)

Because how he lost control of his temper leading him to hurt people he cares about or just simply he is tired of people's crap but Sun will have a hard time to distinguish whether he likes Dark Sun or he just needs Dark Sun because he is lonely.

He doesn't know if he is this loyal to Dark Sun (he will follow Dark Sun blindly) because there is no way left for him, or Dark Sun is right and is his friend. (They share a lot of similarities, their interests, their everything...)

There will be a heavy imbalance of power between the two.

And they will have a lot of moments when Sun will get irritated and argue back to Dark Sun (stand up to Dark Sun) but then Sun will immediately shut down and apologize desperately afterwards because Sun only has Dark Sun left...

And Dark Sun... Oh boy...

On the positive side, He secretly likes having a little tail tagging along, hearing his voice get rambling out, and having someone pushing his ego.

He is Sun also, so even though he likes being alone, he can't stand being lonely. Furthermore, Dark Sun won't mind Sun's stuttering or anxious behaviour. He will Sun stronger, more relying on himself.

But on the down path...

He will become very possessive.

He will decide for Sun where he sleeps, where he charges, where he cleans. Because Sun is his belongings, he will want to know everything Sun did or does, and control Sun literally at that.

There will be a lot of Moon's traits slipping up from Dark Sun that even he didn't realise. (Controlling, possessive, manipulated... He even made Sun into his experience, his bodyguard, all due to the reason he is curious and he likes to see how it goes. He will lie even at himself that all the things he did was to help Sun protect himself , though)

He likes Sun, he misses being Sun, but he also hates Sun for being the person he used to be.

So although Dark Sun will treat Sun well for most of the time, but then, there will be these times when he literally likes switching up his attitude. Being indifferent, cold, cruel at Sun without any reason to let Sun beg for his attention.

(He will still pull some stunt to test Sun's loyalty.

He will let Sun see Sun's celestial family on camera, reminds Sun sometimes that they still want Sun, still finds Sun and asks Sun lightly if he wants to see them again or not.

But he will also remind Sun of what happens, of how Sun snapped.

It is not manipulation if it is true, right?

Dark Sun will throw Sun back to his doorstep, his dimension to watch Sun begging him to take Sun back to their home.)

(And sometimes, when he is both in his nice and angry mood, he will let or forcedsSun kill some Moon and let he grieve for these people Sun killed.)

And you might think Sun might get hacked , brainwashed or something... Nope. Nothing... Dark Sun does not even lock the door, or have a plan B in the case if Sun betrayed him.

No. They have some seriously sick twisted trust between them that even if Sun holds a knife at Dark Sun's throat at the night when Dark Sun lowers his guard, Dark Sun will still continue to sleep.

He believes Sun would never betray him, and never can.

And some sad path, he is true, as long as Sun still holds the idea that no one wants him but Dark Sun.

Haha, funny right?

Also, I would like to think whenever Sun has any doubts, Dark Sun will just show him Nexus or every Moon being the asshole at the moment, or how Earth still needs to be repaired....

[siriusremusblack]

GUYS- ok I honestly don’t even know lol

I feel like. If people hadn’t stolen Snape’s characteristics and given them to other characters like Sirius, Barty, Regulus, and even James- practically worshipping them for those stolen traits- but then completely dehumanizing and Villainizing Snape, removing those traits or making them seem like they’re just so undeniably wrong. That the marauders fandom could’ve been something so much better.

Snape does not deserve all the hate he gets within that fandom. However, I feel like. If you take away the characterization that belongs to Snape that was given to the others and come up with new characterizations for the Marauders- something original, not based off Snape. We could have a cool adventure story they seem to be wanting??

And I mean. If it’s an adventure story anyways. Why make them good people? That’s lame, overused, boring (at least to me). Keep the marauders as the bad guys. Keep their horrible canon personalities. Explore their bad traits! Don’t make them heroes, don’t make them good people. They’re not.

Maybe they get character development and improve during your story through shared experiences. That’s great! That would be amazing! But don’t right off the bat completely change them- making them basically into ocs.

What I think a lot of people may enjoy is some bad dudes hanging out. Going on adventures, breaking rules, stabbing people in the back, just being total jerks.

They sound horrible when I put it like that? GOOD. How fun would it be too see that? I mean. If adventurers are following the rules, the laws- are they really adventurers? They’re staying within reason. They’re not pushing the limits. They’re just. Normal, boring people that like to travel.

A lot of people like pirates. Pirates break the laws, they go on adventures, they can be real jerks, they can be horrible people- but they’re still well liked.

So, I feel like. If people had stuck to the original characterizations of the characters- explored it a little, made them worse by a lot or a little- focused on them breaking the rules and going on adventures similarly to how pirates do- (very important part here: WITHOUT VILLAINIZING SNAPE) we could’ve gotten a lot better fandom there. Now, I’m not saying everyone apart of that fandom is bad, I’ve met a couple people that were chill that were in that fandom. But, think of how much more interesting the stories could be if we focus on the bad traits of the Marauders.

You can still put random characters with them like Barry and Regulus- but tell us why and how through the stories, because realistically speaking, James would absolutely despise people like Regulus and Barty. Not because of their ideals- but because they’re slytherin.

Bad guys can be extremely interesting too! You don’t need to change the Marauders to make interesting enjoyable stories- it’s ok to like characters with horrible or questionable morals (as long as you don’t agree with them, if you agree with them… ehh.. maybe seek help-? I don’t know-!!)

BUT COME ON. Marauders being total jerks, bad people- but going on adventures. That’s interesting- and Snape? He can be his curious self. Suspicious of their actions. Maybe as he gets older he’d be apart of the law enforcement- who’s looking for the Marauders for their crimes, to make sure justice is served.

Y’all I don’t know- but I find this more interesting than whatever the current marauders stories are.

[pinkievie]

Six controversial F.R.I.E.N.D.S opinions that I formed during a re-watch

Today marks 30 years since the Pilot episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S first aired. Happy Anniversary to one of the best show's of all time!

A few years ago, when I learned that my partner hadn't seen a single episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I forced him into watching the whole series, every single night, for months.

Obviously, he was critical at first. However, I soon witnessed what the true magic of this sitcom was - the characters. Once the viewer understands and connects with each of the six main protagonists (which may take a season or two), suddenly the comedy and the warmth becomes so much more brilliant.

I could see a brand new fan in the making as we watched the show together, and it became obvious to me just how important the long-term watching was. The show is riddled with running inside jokes based on the character's distinct personalities and their history in past episodes.

This is why you constantly hear of people saying that they watched one or two episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and "didn't find it that funny", or the that the classic laugh track is annoying, or maybe that the characters were insufferable.

A casual viewer probably doesn't understand what is so funny about Joey sabotaging his own audition, Phoebe revealing something crazy about her past, Ross explaining how many divorces he's had, Monica tensing up at any sign of disorganisation, Rachel getting emotional over trivial things, or Chandler always having to have a sarcastic comment for any situation. But, for a fan who really knows these people, these running personality traits and archetypes are a result of the character's shared experiences and adorable friendship, getting funnier the more you watch the same jokes being developed.

However, it has now been three decades since the very first episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S first aired on 22nd September 1994, and society and popular culture has changed a lot since then. I, myself, had a bunch of realisations after re-watching the show with fresh eyes, which I didn't expect at all. I now feel that the typical fan-favourite aspects of the show in the nineties and noughties are no longer as beloved as they once were.

Of course, there are new viewers of the Z generation who would argue the show is problematic, and, in some ways, they're not wrong. Ross's ex-wife and partner are constantly labelled as lesbians even when there is no need for it to be mentioned, and the earlier seasons imply that their relationship is unusual. Monica is fat-shamed, and Chandler's Dad is vaguely genderfluid and made fun of for it. However, comparing it to media published much later, I would say F.R.I.E.N.D.S holds up as a mostly non-harmful show. (But I will get to the Ross and Rachel issue later!)

I will only ever see F.R.I.E.N.D.S as comforting and non-malicious. Plus, let us not forget the waves that the show did make during the nineties. In season two, F.R.I.E.N.D.S became the first show to air a lesbian wedding on U.S television. It also portrayed single motherhood, blended family dynamics and same sex parents, homelessness, unemployment, vegetarianism, divorce, fertility treatment, surrogacy, adoption, casual sex. Most of these themes are still stigmatised and controversial today so, for 30 years ago, this was progressive.

However, I had my eyes opened when I watched the show again, this time not as a seven year old but as a fully-fledged adult in their twenties, with all the experience of this modern, improving world.

Here are the 6 conclusions I made that may make you re-think the long-standing view of the stories and characters:

Phoebe becomes a horrible friend

Don't get me wrong, in the early seasons Phoebe is very much the stereotypical warm and loving "hippy" friend, and she is seen cleansing people's auras, giving to the poor and supporting her loved ones. Her troubled backstory also meant she was able to shed perspective on the other character's trivial problems, particularly when it came to family.

However, mid-way through the show (around the time she gives birth to surrogate triplets for her brother) her character becomes more unpredictable and unfair. She continues to do good things, of course, but specifically in terms of friendship goals, I think later season Phoebe lacks a lot. She lies constantly, uses her childhood trauma to get what she wants, is flaky, ghosts people and cuts them out, gets angry when she's not getting attention, and is occasionally insulting and violent. She's definitely a strong and confident bad ass who doesn't take any crap, but in terms of being a good friend, Phoebe is at the bottom of the list of six. (Read on to see who's at the top of my list!)

Rachel is the "main character"

People may disagree with this but, when I was growing up and being raised by this show, despite Rachel essentially being the character who initiates the series by moving to New York in the Pilot episode, I saw all the protagonists as equally important. There was no main character. They were all the star, and they still are. As was reflected in the backstage bond between the actors all agreeing to be paid the same money throughout the show's run, every character is loved and an integral part of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

However, there's a couple of things about Rachel's character and story that make her unique. Firstly, the way she is presented in the Pilot episode is that of an outsider coming into the friendship group, just like us as the viewer. So, for that important first season, Rachel becomes the viewer's eyes and ears, which is really special. As we are finding out about these characters, what they like, don't like, what they do for a living, their fears, so is Rachel. She is the closest to the audience in that respect. Rachel also goes through arguably the biggest transformation and character development on the show, going from a rich daddy's girl with no job and no responsibilities, to a mother with a fierce fashion career.

Another huge thing I noticed on a re-watch is that Rachel bonds strongly with each of the other five protagonists in ways I think is individual to her. She develops romantic crushes on all three of the boys (albeit, the Chandler one was only for one short flashback episode), and falls in love with two of them. She is also the only protagonist who has kissed everyone in the group, and she has also been room mates with everyone in the group. Whether you agree with Ross and Rachel or not, you could also see the 10 season show as a long love story or a "how I met your father" chronicle. During the last few episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S Rachel decides to say teary goodbyes to all the other friends individually, further showing up as the bridge between viewer and show, and coming full circle from Season 1.

Joey was the best friend, and was actually the most progressive

My listing of worst to best friend on the show would be Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey. Although, the real discovery is just how different Joey feels re-watching the show in the 2020's, compared to the nineties.

When the show first aired, it would be right to assume that Joey was presented as a "ladies man", regularly dating different women, sleeping with them and not calling them back. However, in the current age of dating apps and more normalised casual sex, this behaviour no longer feels awful. Yeah, so Joey might be care-free and forgetful, however when it comes to his long-term friends and people he loves, he is one of the most attentive, caring and forgiving characters. Joey is confident to be romantic, spoil and compliment a woman when he dates, and, unlike some of the other characters, he never cheats when he does get into a committed relationship.

Another huge realisation is just how progressive Joey was, even when he was made fun of for it by the other friends in the group. Being an actor, Joey was confident to wear or do unusual or "ladylike" things, including wearing male lipstick, ladies' underwear, and a male purse, and he doesn't flinch at drinking breast milk either in an early episode. The real loving side of Joey is emphasised during his crush and relationship with Rachel, where he behaves with so much sensitivity, patience and respect, even though it's his first proper love and heartbreak (more on that storyline later!).

Monica and Chandler were underrated and should have been the main romance

I actually think this opinion isn't controversial, and when I say "underrated" what I mean is that the the writers and show runners were blind-sided and unprepared for the huge positive reception this romance had from the fans of the show.

The famous episode where Monica and Chandler first sleep together in London was originally meant to be the start of a small, short fling romance, however it really was by the power of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S audience, who cheered so loudly in the studio during filming of that episode, that the writers were forced to develop the couple into the real deal - marriage, kids and happily every after.

Obviously every romance on the show had ups and downs however Monica and Chandler felt like such a stable, comfort couple, who found love amongst their own insecurities and flaws, and they become better people together. In the nineties and noughties, people will remember that Ross and Rachel were the more famous couple, however their constant break ups, low blows at each other and mind games, makes the re-watches hard to sit through. Monica and Chandler, on the other hand, radiate love and acceptance and a true healthy relationship. A relationship I look for.

Ross was very controlling

Whilst his storylines make for great comedy, it's obvious to most people during re-watches that Ross is borderline emotionally abusive. The Ross and Rachel love story which was once the centre piece of the show has been abandoned by most modern viewers, because of how Ross continues to sabotage their relationship and then place blame on Rachel, being overly jealous of her career, and of other male prospects. He is particularly unnecessarily angry when Joey reveals his crush on Rachel, as if he's got some kind of ownership on her despite not dating her for 8 years out of the 10 season show. And yet, he can move on and get married too quickly to someone else whenever he wants.

There was a time when Ross was the hopeless romantic of the show, seemingly having constant bad luck with the ladies and being awful at flirting. However, in hindsight, he is problematic. He moves on too fast and ruins his own wedding by saying the wrong name at the alter, gets involved with one of his student's, and deceives Rachel into thinking they are divorced when they are still married. Similar to Phoebe, Ross lies and has regular tantrums, to the point where other characters have to tip-toe around him to save his feelings.

Maybe once upon a time, Ross's intense undying love for Rachel would have been seen as sweet and adorable, but when I re-watched Rachel getting her dream job for the first time and Ross suddenly getting jealous and feeling inferior, wanting Rachel literally all to himself and to not have her own life, leading to the breakdown of their relationship (where it should have stayed, if I'm honest), it was clear Ross is a horrible boyfriend.

Joey and Rachel should have ended up together

I'm going to say it - Joey was too good for Rachel.

Following all my other realisations, I think this relationship should have been endgame, and something that I think if the show was made today, would have come true. Friends to lovers and unpredictable relationships are so popular on TV today, however in the noughties we were hit with the typical "red herring", when Joey and Rachel kiss in the Season 9 finale setting up the final season of the show in a new direction.

In a big whiplash moment, however, the romance was halted in just one, arguably silly episode, where Joey and Rachel find that they can not bring themselves to have sex because they are too close as friends. This was potentially all the fault of the main cast who were strongly against the Joey and Rachel romance, and felt it was wrong. Obviously, the actors do have some ownership over the authenticity and integrity of their characters, (and, for the most part, the actors did protest unfaithful storylines on many occasions), however I don't think anyone expected that future viewers would have rooted so heavily for Joey and Rachel.

Compared to Ross's controlling and toxic attitude, Joey has a heart of gold, and always gives Rachel the space and time she needs. He never throws tantrums, despite being completely heart-broken for most of Season 8, and always does the right thing by his feelings whilst respecting Rachel. Just the idea of these two being in a relationship is all we have, as the love story didn't have time to leave the ground. However, you have to admit, if a modern viewer could pick between Ross and Joey, I think it would be an obvious choice.

What are your (controversial or otherwise) F.R.I.E.N.D.S re-watch opinions??

[mors-neptune]

707 / Luciel / Saeyoung Choi Headcanons I Have

‼️⚠️ SPOILERS AHEAD ⚠️‼️

• Has ADHD but if anyone brings it up he brushes it off because he thinks it makes him lesser. He’s not ableist he just needs to be educated :(

• I know in the official art he’s pretty pale but I hc him as having tanner skin and some freckles

• Has an undiagnosed personality disorder probably

• Too paranoid to go to church in person so he made a personal shrine in his home that he makes sure to spend time at

• Hates seeing his father on TV because it reminds him how similar they look. He’ll go into a weeks long depression every time where he’ll avoid mirrors because all he sees is his mother and father

• Loves cross dressing but is too scared to think deeply and self reflect about the gender euphoria it gives him because Korea isn’t very accepting

• Hated college because he felt like it was too structured and he doesn’t like being told what to do

• His favorite color is red (obviously)

• Doesn’t want or have any tattoos

• Most of the decor in his house was handmade impulsively and placed somewhere random

• Ultimately wants to move out of the bunker and into a more realistic house with no sci-fi-like doorbells or weapons but his paranoia stops him

• Sometimes stays up till the morning watching security cams in and around the bunker out of fear someone will try and hurt Saeran or MC

• Loves the dopamine hit that buying new cars gives him. It’s almost addicting impulse buying expensive things

• Desperately needs someone to match his neurodivergentness and thankfully his twin brother does perfectly

• His glasses are constantly dirty he never cleans those mfs

• Likes to paint his nails black but it’s always cracked and messed up

• Him and Saeran made up a secret language that they refuse to teach anyone else, even MC

• Welded flowers and spray painted them for him and MC’s anniversary (Saeran told him which flowers to make bc he knows their meanings)

• MC’s engagement ring is a Ruby (to represent Saeyoung) and whatever stone is MC’s favorite swirling together to look like a binary star system

• We know in his route that he has muscles because of his work, but after he runs from the agency, MC noticed some of his bulkiness going away

• But he still keeps a lot of his muscle, he just has some more squishiness around his torso

• Regrets his bunker not having windows because he knows Saeran loves looking at the sky

• Builds a garden in his backyard for Saeran :)

• Too paranoid to get a therapist so one of his more toxic traits is using MC as a therapist

• Goes through periods of not sharing anything emotionally with MC & sharing way too much and borderline dumping all his shit on them

• Has bad abandonment issues

• Loves experimenting with makeup and showing Saeran and MC

• Has both an inferiority and superiority complex

• Owns an obsessive amount of stuffed animals and yes, they all have names

• Idk if this is canon or not but he has curly hair

• I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this already but I hc him as bisexual (he literally mentioned at some point that V’s voice was his type)

• And since it’s basically canon he at least finds V attractive and V is more of a parental/guardian figure to him, I can conclude Saeyoung 100% has daddy issues (duh)

• Has had feelings for Vanderwood at some point

• Horrible at personal hygiene

• Doesn’t drink or do drugs (canon)

• He’s a compulsive liar :/

• Wants a cat but is so bad at taking care of himself he doesn’t trust himself taking care of an animal

• Has staff constellation, and planet stickers & posters all over his room (he’s a nerd)

• Learns sign language so when he’s mad at MC or Saeran he only communicates through sign to piss them off

• Wayyyyyyy too comfy invading people’s personal and cyber privacy because of his line of work

• Lactose intolerant because I think it’s funny

• Light sleeper because of the house he grew up in and his work at the agency

• Kind of apathetic to traumatic things other people go through if it wasn’t as “bad” as his. Not in a “I think I’m better than you” kind of way, but in a way where some issues just don’t compare to an abusive, alcoholic mother, a politician father who wants to kill him, being a secret agent made to do who knows what, and more.

• Catches up on childhood by indulging in childish hobbies and interests. He’s making up for the lost time :(

• His tummy always hurts from his horrible diet

• His cologne smells like apple spice (it’s actually a perfume for women but who cares)

• But tbh on the daily he smells like a mix of his basic masculine body wash, honey buddah chips, and grease (sorry)

• Very protective. Takes on a caretaker role for those closest to him

• Sometimes very controlling. Gets anxious when he can’t control everything around him.

• Acts very parental towards Saeran. He always did because he had to in their childhood, but Saeyoing still does it. It makes him feel good being able to properly provide for Saeran.

• He mentioned in his route that he never really wanted or thought about having a family other than Saeran, and I feel like he would still think the same after meeting MC. Just now he thinks of his family as just him, Saeran, and MC. I don’t think he’d want kids

• Literally never cleans his sheets…

• Can only convince himself to clean anything in his house because he doesn’t want Saeran to have to live in filth again

My first post. I just wanted to share these :)

[doomspiral]

Doom's Movie Rec List

Some of these are bangers, some of these are the worst thing I have ever seen in my life, but I think they are all worth watching and enjoying one way or another. Sometimes the enjoyment is cringe and sometimes its staring at a wall for three hours. <3

The seventh seal (1957)

Classic chess game with Death film, I presume the entire thing is Bergman staring into the soul of the viewer in dead silence until you can read his mind.

The cabinet of Dr. Caligary (1920)

Strange, lurching, I watched this in German without knowing enough to keep up and I believe my confusion added to the experience.

Atomic blonde (2017)

This is my favorite movie. This is the one that I can't stop rewriting in my fics. I can't get the "lies" soliloquy out of my mind. My soul is tied to this fillum. Hot insane woman does a lot of violence, kisses women, beats up a guy who truly deserves it. Iron Curtain Spy Nonsense.

Hackers (1994)

Am I depressing you? Good, watch Hackers to experience child-like wonder and also see a grown man skateboard down a foggy street in the middle of the night to harass the homosexual teenagers (and slim shady) he's beefing with.

The core (2003)

This is not a good movie. But there is a little freak in there named "Rat" who I am obsessed with.

Angel's egg (1985)

This is the kind of movie where you have to not try to figure out what's going on and instead let it take you by the hands, just experience it, just keep your mouth shut and your mind at rest and you can consider the implications afterward when its safe.

Princess mononoke (1997)

I watched this as a child and saw those beasts dissolve into bloody worms and apparently that left a lasting mark on my brain.

Nausicaä of the valley of wind (1984)

I actually read the manga for this one but this is a movie rec list, so please go watch this for the death and rebirth vibes, and some mild foeyay yuri.

Invasion of the body snatchers (1978)

Horror movie that's odd and disturbing and clearly betraying some better dead than red fears, worth it for the horrible despicable freakish noise the guy makes at the end while pointing at the viewer.

Strange days (1995)

Please read up on this before watching it, it revolves around a fictional, then-futuristic critique of the adult film industry, HEAVY focus on the capitalistic dehumanization and devaluing of human life.

Underworld (2003)

Bad asses in leather fighting monsters. Core memory.

Blade (1998)

Bad asses in leather fighting monsters but maybe you need a break from how white this whole movie list is overall. That's okay, I see you, this vampire flick fucks severe.

Fright night (1985, 2011)

The first movie is pretty campy (fun) but the remake dug into my actual stressors and fears and scared the lights from my eyes for a day or two. Welcome... to FrrrighT NighT.

Dracula (1931, 1992)

First movie is a classic, this is thee one with the guy crawling around like a lizard and there's armadillos for no reason. The 90's version has no business being as deranged as it is and for this it is a core personality trait movie.

Fast&furious: Tokyo drift (2006)

Not sure I would say this is peak cinema but it's a racing movie that falls in line with the F&F tradition of being clearly in love with the entire premise, location, and cast. Rent free.

Drive (2011)

I like this movie because it is not about the guy getting the girl, it is about doing the right thing every single time because that's what it takes to be a real human bean. being. whichever. I was so obnoxious about this movie when I watched it with my now-ex gf that I wish I could siphon the memory of it out of her brain, because I kept pointing at actors I knew.

Green room (2015)

This is the best punk parable I can think of. Litany against not reading the room, litany against being the hero when there's no one to save, litany against thinking shared trauma is gonna get you any pussy.

Lords of chaos (2018)

I'm obsessed with the band Mayhem there is no other explanation.

There will be blood (2007)

WILD WEST TOXIC YAOI. I'm not apologizing for this summary and I'm not elaborating.

Butch Cassidy and the sundance kid (1969)

I don't know. I watched this in the wee hours of the morning with my best friend and actually cried about it. Doomed criminals and a famous final stand.

Saw (2004)

I used to watch Saw movies when I lived in the trailer park while hiding from my family in a neighbor's place so I don't know if these movies are good or if I needed to watch tortureporn to relax bcs the roof leaked on my bed when it rained? But I think everyone should at least watch the first movie or how are you going to play any games?

Chernobyl diaries (2012)

I walked out of this movie shaking head to toe and couldn't think about anything else for months. I don't think I'd be as scared now but I can't say if that's because I'm not 16 anymore. Warning against going into a dangerous situation with a guy you met off Craigslist.

Constantine (2005)

Demon hoards, evil angels, catholic bullshit, 9/10.

The neverending story (1984)

Well after all that let's reinstate some whimsy into our souls again bcs this is the Jim Henson Power Hour. This one is just a solid entry point into "puppets are fun and practical effects are my best friend".

The dark crystal (1982)

My babysitters put this on for me as a bed-time story when I was five (5) years old and I do not believe I slept, I think they regretted this and had to tell my parents what they did. But now I will never stop making Skeksis noises at people I love.

Labyrinth (1986)

Y'know the phenomenon of alt teens and preteens dating young adult men who are total and complete losers, including actual band members? It's not that this pre-dates any of that, but I believe it does a good job representing it through the lens of a modern fairy tale. Like when you watch this you have to realize this is wish fulfillment for people who want to be Sarah because their age-gap goth boyfriend in the real world is a manipulative disappointment.

Pacific rim (2013)

Love letter to the mecha and kaiju genre(s). Makes no sense, compels me though.

Eurotrip (2004)

This is the movie "Scotty doesn't know" is from. Some high schoolers fuck off to Europe and have the most misadventure possible. It's somehow exactly the kind of cringe humor you would expect from the 00's without being cruel or overly disgusting. I used to watch a lot of really bad 00's comedies and this is a good one I promise. Scussie.

Hamlet (1996)

Personality point, I think this is the best version on film because the guy actually looks like how I envisioned Hamlet. Ignore your girl! Avenge your dad!

Advantageous (2015)

This movie goes in on the connection between race and class in a sci-fi future where you can change the former through predatory, dangerous cosmetic surgery.

Gravity (2013)

This is my go-to movie when I need to sob like a sick little baby. Space travel as a metaphor for motherhood, spaceships as the womb, scientists are the babies who left their babies back on earth. It's about what you give up in the name of fulfilling your human urge for the unknown.

All clear on the western front (2022)

Thee anti-war fillum. Very well done. I never recovered from one of the final scenes to the point I wrote a final paper on it. Without spoiling it, the Ending gave me the feeling of when you're a kid and you want to go play, but you're grounded and you fall asleep listening to your friends outside in the street. I hope this sentence ruins your life if you watch this movie.

Inglorious basterds (2009)

They lock some nazis in a theatre and set them on fire, good cinema.

Shadow dancer (2012)

Domhnall Gleeson in one of his classically pathetic twink roles but its about British imperial violence and Irish reactionary violence.

Logan (2017)

Good art film, a story about dementia, legacies, and why putting children in cages is fucking evil.

The batman (2022)

Weird art film, next question.

Joker (2019)

I do not care about the opinions of straight men who watch things uncritically, this is a good movie because of the depictions of poverty in the US. I don't believe this needed to be about the DC Joker this should have been a standalone art film about a mime.

Dragonheart (1996)

Medieval era dragon nonsense, I will never be convinced this is a bad movie.

Sleeping beauty (1959)

Personality trait was rooting for the dragon.

Snow dogs (2002)

I'm not defending this one it stands on its own, please watch this movie if you wanna see Cuba Gooding Jr. bite a husky's ear so it'll stop ruining his life.

Luck of the irish (2001)

This movie is genuinely so bad I have considered it some kind of hate crime since the day it came out, because I watched this the day it was a direct-to-TV movie. I think I was too young to feel insulted but I was deeply, deeply bemused.

Black swan (2010)

There is a woman inside her and she is trying to crash the plane. Can I get away with calling this foe-yay yuri also? I'm going to.

I, tonya (2017)

Sufjan Stevens' song "Tonya Harding in Eb major" makes me so unreasonably emotional, so one day I watched this movie and then the film of the 1988 Calgary Olympics in the living room while all of my housemates had to sneak around in the dark. This is just a solid movie about ambition, betrayal, abuse, tragedy, and having to get over it and move on because you're not dead yet.

Phantom of the opera (2004)

Whatever was going on in Labyrinth, this is the adult version. Weird man in a sewer possessing a soprano. I think there's some gender happening here but it gets a little lost under the love(?) triangle.

A knights tale (2001)

Just go watch some more medieval nonsense, it's good for you, its fun.

White chicks (2004)

I'm not defending this choice, it's a good movie. "You were thinking it" "Yeah but you said it" there are some phrases you could use to see if I had been replaced with a body double and this is one of them.

Heathers (1988)

Ouughhgh ough oh. Personality trait. Watched this because I kept listening to the musical soundtrack, love both but agree the themes are much tighter in the movie. This is just a fun schlock to tell teens life is stupid and difficult and bad things will happen, so don't abandon your friends.

Priscilla queen of the desert (1994)

Classic homo fillum, if you wonder why I write Gilbert Like That it's partially because of the mean little fruit from this movie. It's about the Aussie drag scene and who belongs in the queer community.

300 (2006)

I'm not sure that I would call this a "good" movie, but it's a classic as far as I'm concerned. This is the "THIS IS SPARTA" movie.

The foreigner (2017)

I actually don't remember the plot of this one too solidly but the suspense and action were solid, and I enjoyed the setup. Good for if you wanna be really pissed off for two hours.

Conan the barbarian (1982)

Look at me. Look into my eyes. You're going to watch this movie. You're going to think about the wheel of pain and you're going to go wow, this is so stupid. Don't look away I'm not done. You're going to watch this movie and then you're going to get a couple of paper towel tubes and find someone to beat the shit out of each other with the tubes.

Law abiding citizen (2009)

I don't know I think watching this movie changed my brain chemistry in very special ways. Guy fucking loses it and becomes a problem for his local community by kidnapping and torturing people who killed his family. Cathartic and vile.

Black dog (1998)

:D DO YOU WANNA WATCH AN ACTION MOVIE ABOUT AN 18-WHEELER?

The hunt for red october (1990)

Almost forgot this one. Lithuanian Submariner off the shits, goes rogue, I'm not sure what accent Sean Connery is going for, I get the impression he just showed up to gigs and did whatever he wanted.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 14

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Oz Vessalius (Pandora Hearts)

"Struggles with self-worth, adores books, ADHD (though that’s not canon—but he fits the diagnostic criteria), his strongest/most important relationships are platonic"

Sound (My School President)

"Lonely gay teenager who tries to be cool and sauve but gets adopted against his will by a group of losers and then falls for one of the losers who gets on his nerves a lot because he was nice to him once and then he gets all awkward and flustered around the boy and tries to avoid him and antagonize him but the boy sees through it and they eventually end up together and he becomes the most annoying person in love ever"

Luz Noceda (The Owl House)

"adhd. possibly some autism too. a weird girl who got outcasted by being herself and sure has some WACK coping mechanisms to deal with it. self worth is IN THE DRAIN. gnc and not straight. writes fanfic. artist. goes through a depression era when at her moms house. loves her mom also. this is canon stuff i'm saying"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA she is so ASDHSUJD. Okay I started watching the owl house because I knew there was a WLW couple, so obviously I had to check it out. But upon watching the show, I got so emotionally connected to it, or moreso the protagonist, Luz, that it could go beyond some people's understandings... I remember that almost any scene showing her neurodivergent traits would hit SO. CLOSE. HOME. It would be unbelievable. I literally rewatched the show more than seventeen times one summer. She is just so goshdarn relatable man. She's the weird kid, has no friends, loves making anime edits, is OBSESSED with a book series, loves witches and magic and stuff, has ADHD, an attention span that is so high when she's engaging with something she likes doing and so low when she's bored. She's just so lovely. I know a lot of people found her annoying in season one but she hit close home to me. Season two was amazing as well and she started getting even MORE relatable!! She started showing her people pleasing, how much she blames herself, it was so sad but I was glad to see a character I could relate to so much on screen. I mean i personally didn't experience the loss of my father and I personally do have one friend whom I'm able to share my life with, but she's still super relatable. She can be so silly and so cool. And her impulsivity and the way she realized she doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up also hit close home. Mwah"

Gundham Tanaka (Super Danganronpa 2)

"Goth autistic theater kid"

Saiki Kusuo (Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan/The Disastrous Life of Saiki K)

"He's very dead inside, especially in the English Dub, and introverted. But even so, he cares a lot for his friends, even if he never says it to them and he finds them annoying most of the times. He also be nosey and just insert himself into others' situations that don't involve him (obviously, he makes it so that nobody knows he's there and, obviously, he's also complaining about this all the time). He's canonically aroace, or at least aroace spec He's canonically trans. He was born as a girl but he didn't like it so he immediately turned himself into a boy with his psychic powers. An argument could be made about him being on the autism spectrum."

Drew (The Music Freaks)

"I don't like him actually I hate him and love him st the same time in fact but. This man is so real and such a horrible jerkwad to everyone around him. I mean I can't relate to THAT but I should mention he also gets jelous easily, he is in love with his best friend who does not like him back, he's all moody and grouchy and bratty. And so am I and I hate it lol."

[fudanshipoe]

dazai/yosano character parallels analysis ★

includes: connection/past with Mori, themes of humanity, dehumanization, life/death, change, and Elise(?)

wc: 1.5k

Beginning with the most glaring similarity, they have a mutual connection with Mori as a mentor figure in their past. (I'm not sure if I would assign the “mentor” role to him for Yosano, but for the lack of a better word, that's what he will be called here </3). He represents an important part of their traumatic pasts but in different ways. I want to stress the importance of understanding that the two of them were abused in different ways because of how Mori himself regarded each of the two, and that this is not to say one was worse than the other. I would also like to negate any argument that Dazai was not abused by Mori, this is false. While that is another topic I want to discuss in the future, I just want to get that out there.

Both are victims of Mori's tactics of controlling abuse and were utilized as tools for his plans. Yosano was used for her ability, as she was useful under Mori's immortal soldier regiment, while Dazai was picked up with the intentions to mentor him as a future successor to Mori because of their shared traits (refer to the 15 quote provided, their “common destiny” is being the Port Mafia boss). The reason I say they are abused in different ways is because of the methods Mori enacts on the both of them. While I don't want to say he respects Dazai more as an individual because of that inherent fear he carries of Dazai, however, I'm not really sure what else to word it as. Dazai is able to carry out a lot of his own volition while under Mori in the Port Mafia, and while he was still in a horrible place under this treatment, he did have some level of freedom on his own because of the way Mori viewed him. Mori recognizes that: one, Dazai lacks morals at this point in his life, two, that he is not loyal to Mori and could take him out at any moment (I would argue that he expects it if anything), and three, that Dazai is an extremely intelligent child beyond his years. Since he recognizes all of these aspects, he still controls Dazai to the degree he acts to everyone else, but he also does not push Dazai too extremely. Of course this is not to say his abuse to Dazai was not harsh, I am trying to compare the way Mori treated Yosano vs Dazai, and how this has affected them individually, not by the severity of either. He noticeably treats Yosano harsher, and he does go as far as to lay a hand on her, in the form of grabbing her hair. While he is not a physically abusive person, instead using psychological methods more often, this is an example of the disregard he has for Yosano as an individual herself. She is diminished to her ability in his eyes, and Dazai is almost akin to a mirror in at least Mori's eyes. Both of these lead into my next point, the way both of them experience dehumanization.

Both Dazai and Yosano are, to some degree, seen as inhuman for their abilities and past sins. This can be seen in something as simple as the names they are given by others in their lives. They are the "Angel of Death" and the "Demon Prodigy." Both of these names assigned to them from those around them serve as stark reminders of their past wrongdoings, to which I will expand upon later. Yosano was essentially forced to play God with countless lives until she created her own undead hell, and this burdens her for the rest of her life. As a result of these events, even though it was not something under her control as an eleven year old child, she is viewed in a vicious light for her ability and involvement. Similarly, Dazai's humanity is disregarded by those around him because of his actions and behaviors, but most importantly, his nature. To follow a commonly stated metaphor in BSD, his blood is mafia black. During his time in the Port Mafia, Dazai racked up a laundry list of crimes, and the methods he used were seen as cruel even by Port Mafia standards. Of course, his actions are not justified by the fact that he is a child during this time. Dazai is very much a person guilty of crimes enacted upon others, so he is not absolved from all agency in this, but it is still important to understand that his actions were heavily for survival and his own self destructive pursuit to find something to live for.

Coming back to these two and their pasts as these inhumane figures, both also go through a series of changes as a person to go on a better path. Dazai himself could care less about good vs bad during his Port Mafia days because there was no person who guided him properly on that course, but once Oda's death sets Dazai's path in stone on the good side. Oda's final request to him is to be on the good side, despite the indifference Dazai harbors. Dazai lives out this path up to the current events of the timeline, and he clearly benefits from being in the Agency. He goes to deliberate lengths to hide from his past as well, he avoids any possible association with that and denies similarities between him and those he has harmed during his Port Mafia days, namely those he hurt, like Akutagawa. At the same time, as I pointed out, Dazai is making the conscious choice to change. Yosano follows this similar path of trying with the Agency because of Fukuzawa and Ranpo picking her up from Mori after the isolation facility. The Agency does not require her for her ability, unlike Mori did, she is more than it. She chooses to continue to save lives with her ability because she so heavily values human life.

And this brings me to my next point, their shared connection with life and death, and their attitudes surrounding it. Both Dazai and Yosano greatly value life, as ridiculous as that sounds for a character like Dazai. Yosano is intrinsically connected to the cycle between life and death because of the nature of her ability. She holds life as having more value than death itself, and she expresses this with her drive to save lives. Dazai does not have the ability to control the cycle itself, but he does have a connection to it through his suicidal nature. He stumbles between the line of living and dying due to his inability to find a purpose to live, but he does appreciate life. Dazai appreciates the way other characters such as Oda live their lives, and the humanity Dazai sees in them. He does not believe there is an inherent value to his own life, but he voices his opinions on the human experience and he admires how others do find a reason to live. Dazai and Yosano's frame of mind surrounding life and death is not the same, however, they do share a mutual value for humanity and life in some fashion, even if Dazai seeks out death more than Yosano ever does.

Now, to address Elise. Her as a topic is separate from the rest only because the connection between her, Dazai, and Yosano is speculation on my part. It is not something observable as fact to canon, unlike something as the two's relationships with Mori or their shared themes. It is clear that Elise is at least partially inspired by an eleven year old Yosano. Before the events of the Great War, Elise is shown to follow orders blindly. She is a subservient ability, and her usual liveliness is not present at this time. This changes after Mori loses Yosano, and Elise behaves like an average child at this point, but the specific traits he takes from Yosano are her willpower and opinionated personality. Another notable detail in Elise's design is her hair bow, which does resembles Yosano's hair pin. This can be attributed to Mori's obsession with Yosano at this age, but I don't believe her likeness to Yosano is only because of that. She also shares traits with Dazai. What I'm referring to his her hair and attitude towards Mori himself. Outside of the time when Elise is based upon someone else, she wears her hair up in a bun. Though she is absent from timeliness between the Great War, we do see her after that, and she now has more open, wavy hair. While you can attribute to this design just for the sake of it, I do think it is interesting to point out this similarity between her and Dazai because Yosano has perfectly straight hair. Elise also chastises Mori, something that Yosano does not do, but Dazai does voice his disapproval of Mori and straight points out his faults, which Elise does too. She also exhibits similar behavior to Dazai in negotiating for what they want, neither lies, and I say this is a trait she got from Dazai only because Yosano does not do this. I think that Mori projects traits of these two onto Elise, a manifestation of his desires, both because of the obsession and because Yosano+Dazai symbolize regret from the past.

[yakool-foolio]

what would you say are the traits to keep in mind for preventing mischaracterization of Yuma?

It's worth clarifying before I go into this that these are traits I personally look out for whenever I plan to write for Yuma. This isn't a targeted critique at anyone else's interpretation of Yuma. Writers are free to write however they want for a character, and I just happen to stick closer to canon while still taking creative liberties with elements that I believe can be expanded upon. If anything, this is just a nice reminder for myself, while potentially giving advice to those looking for it. Anyways, I gotta actually answer the question!

I haven't written as much with Yuma as I've done for Vivia, Yakou, Yomi, and even Shinigami (I really need to write more for Hitman Zilch too augh). But I still like to have some things in mind just in case I ever decide to write for him. The main aspect of Yuma's characterization that I try not to slip up on is his amnesia! From what I've noticed, Yuma remembers what things are, but doesn't remember any experiences he has with those things. For example, he knows what detectives are, but he doesn't remember ever working as one, which extends over into all memories of the WDO. He knows what cooking is and remembers the basics of how to cook, but he can't remember any actual recipes that he's read, so he ends up making horrible food. In essence, it's like if a phone wasn't factory reset, but the photo album and downloaded apps were completely wiped, and only the basic apps automatically on the phone remain.

This next element isn't necessarily for Yuma specifically, but it's a very important part of his arc: don't forget Shinigami! She's here, she's there, she's everywhere! While she can turn invisible at will (as shown by chapter 0's aftermath), she's still chained to him throughout the entire game and loves to comment about almost everything going on around them. They tend to bicker in their shared thoughts, which is fun to capture when thinking about scenes for them. This is something that matters to me a lot since I'll be writing a lot of Shinigami for my Death Knight Yakou AU. I always want to keep in mind that Shinigami will most likely have something to say at anything that catches her eye, and whether Yuma (or Yakou in my case) ignores it, replies to it, or turns it into a full-on conversation depending on what's called for and if it'll add anything small to their characters or have some entertainment value.

Last but not least, Yuma isn't wholly innocent or exempt from indirectly killing culprits. Yuma actively decides to access the Mystery Labyrinths as a sort of self-defense mechanism. When he or his allies are at risk of being hurt or killed, he calls upon Shinigami, despite knowing that the culprits will be killed and that it won't ensure their safety. The only reason Yuma and his allies weren't killed in chapter 3 and 4 was because of good timing from others intervening. He may have killed in an act of self-defense and to better understand the conflict, but it doesn't mean he's clean of any blood on his hands, especially when he wanted to kill Icardi for the murder of Shachi. When he's angry, he's angry. He has shown that he can be enraged enough to want someone to die, so I like to have that stored in the back of my mind if ever I need to write for a wrathful Yuma that can and will choose violence if his back is to the wall and his allies are in danger.

[chronicoverthinker]

A character analysis of Yoshiki cause he’s very dear to me 😔

I genuinely hope that as the story progresses we’ll get to learn more about Yoshiki’s father and the dynamics in the Tsujinaka household. Even tho we still don’t know the details we can see how much his father’s abusive tendencies ended up affecting Yoshiki , and mokmoklen is truly able to bring it out in a subtle but magnificent way in the things Yoshiki says , both about himself or others , and also in his relationship with “Hikaru”.

So, I’m not a psychology major myself but from personal experience I believe that Yoshiki presents symptoms of the so called fawn response. Fawning is also known as the “please-appease” syndrome, being mainly associated with people pleasing and codependency (see where I’m already going with this?). Usually these people seek safety by pleasing others as a way of avoiding conflict.

A possible reason as to why people might develop this syndrome is because they grew up in an abusive environment when they were little , maybe seeing one of their caretakers have outbursts of anger (we know that Yoshiki’s parents used to argue to such a degree that neighborhoods could hear them + if I remember correctly it is stated in the light novel that his father always used to slam his hands on the table and such).

As a consequence of this , he learnt that being good and pleasing his father would be the only way to guarantee his own survival. We see this happen in one of the flashbacks where his father grabs him (rather forcefully may I add) by the arm and Yoshiki just let it happen , knowing it’s best not to say anything. Even tho we can see how uncomfortable he looks with his father around.

People suffering from fawn response also have a hard time saying no , feeling guilty about expressing their own needs and feelings. Since growing up in an environment where you have to constantly walk around eggshells with others and where communication has never really been a thing , the things left unsaid make these people start believing that THEY might be the problem.

We see this happen in ch. 7. Now , I know that people will probably have various interpretations of THAT specific sequence of scenes , but personally I interpreted it as a metaphor for attempted r*pe or violation of some sort , with “Hikaru” trying to claim Yoshiki in the only way he knows , because he aches for him so damn much but he realizes that stealing Hikaru’s identity doesn’t make Yoshiki his in any way. He’s different from Hikaru and he can’t and shouldn’t expect to occupy the same spot as Hikaru previously did.

And even tho what “Hikaru” did is horrible , Yoshiki is still the one feeling bad about RIGHTFULLY trying to set some kind of boundary with “Hikaru”. He feels like HE is the one that should be apologizing for being harsh with him.

This brings me onto the next point which is being self-sacrificing , with Yoshiki quite literally feeling guilty for all the deaths happening most probably because of “Hikaru” and even deciding to share the burden of his possible next killings with him. Plus I would also add in what he said in ch.21 , where he literally states that he would give “Hikaru” his whole EVERYTHING if it meant that he could live somewhere as he pleased. He’s always thinking about others’ needs before his owns , deciding to share burdens that don’t have anything to do with him and he shouldn’t be carrying.

Other obvious trait very common in people suffering from this condition is having codependent relationships , which perfectly describes what he has with “Hikaru”. Hikaru is no longer here , so I’d rather have a fake around than having to live without him. This is what he says more or less in ch.1 , and it’s actually so heartbreaking to hear because Hikaru was quite literally Yoshiki’s light and source of comfort. He was the one always protecting Yoshiki and taking care of him. So when “Hikaru” goes “I bet you were crying not wanting for me to leave you” it is actually true , Yoshiki is no good without Hikaru! (or at least that’s what he thinks , but I swear you are baby 😭)

And even tho in ch.21 we see his journey of processing his grief for Hikaru’s death finally ending, he’s now becoming even more attached to “Hikaru” and getting all worried when he started thinking that maybe going back to the mountain might be the best option. You can clearly see his distress as he says “Didn’t you finally find the place you belong? You can’t do that. Let’s find another solution together”

Another thing is obviously the fact that he hates being scolded , especially when he’s so well behaved all the time like mokmoklen said.

I would also like to add the fact that he thinks so lowly of himself when he’s actually such a caring and kindhearted person. He says that he’s not sweet , and that he’s as hard on others like he is on himself. But as soon as Asako feels insecure about her hair he goes “I can definitely ask my mom since she’s a hairdresser” , we can see his kindness in the way he cares for his sister etc …

Anyways this was just me rambling about him because mokmoklen is able to write such beautiful characters and Yoshiki is literally my son

[rainbowcarousels]

I'm going to need your thoughts Sephiroth for the character asks 🥹🖤3 <3 <3

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay. So gay. Did I mention he's gay? I mean I think there is some potential wiggle room with Aerith but that's because her balls are bigger than his.

Gender Headcanon: I think in practice from an outsider POV, more agender than anything else. Gender is not really something that he thinks of and interacts with other than his discomfort with how he gets portrayed in the media. That said, I think if you asked him, he would say CIS male because that's how he self identifies so I'll respect that and say CIS male.

A ship I have with said character: Have I mentioned Genseph to you lately? No? Then I must be dead. Like I love AGSZC, I do, and even more than that, I love AGS in general because I believe they balance each other out but I could happily ship Genesis/Sephiroth on it's own maerits, but I can't see Sephiroth/Angeal on it's own. It's not a notp or anything, it just doesn't work in terms of balance for me. Genesia and Sephiroth fire and ice in balance and it just works. They push and pull at each other, both literally and metaphorically, and what they say and what their body says are sometimes in total contrast which fascinates me. Genesis is quite literally the choatic colour for a monochromatic world and Sephiroth needs that chaos to find himself so he doesn't get the desire for human smores.

A BROTP I have with said character: It's a toss up. I would say Aerith because that same feral energy comes from her (family trait clearly) but they both also have this shared experience of being former Shinra lab kiddos and her enthusiasm is only rivalled by Zack's. I feel like Sephiroth always needs someone to just grab him and move instead of asking him to come along and Aerith does that. That said, professionally, I'm fond of him and Tseng interacting. Like they have so much to deal with between choatic red heads and Heidegger being a few fries short of a moogle meal at his job, let them bond.

A NOTP I have with said character: Vincent. I can't ship something where 'that's not how your mum used to do it' is a response that could be canonically correct.

A random headcanon: Understands so much more than he's given credit for. I love to write roboseph as much as the next person, but I feel like he leans into it in a very Captain Holt type way and it's become part of his sense of humour to fuck with people by pretending he doesn't understand something or that he's not understanding their meaning till they get annoyed and let him be or call him on it. This is helped along by being so deadpan that it's almost impossible to know when he's being serious. He is a study in microexpressions and few people understand them.

General Opinion over said character: I think one of the things that throws me about Sephiroth is when people can't see CC era Sephiroth being the same guy as OG/AC era Sephiroth, but for me, this is one of the things that drew me to him as a character. That he is someone who got broken into pieces and is picking them up, emulating people, trying to rebuild a sense of self but clinging onto this belief that he's special because he's always been special. Like this is a person who is horribly broken in a lot of ways and one day, I want to write AC era and give him an arc with that but I think my main opinion of him is that I love that he's got all of these facets of his character.

He is the kid looking for validation and family from TFS, he is still the awkward dude from CC, he is the person who lost everything and chose to just get a meteor and start over and he's someone who is afraid of losing whatever he has of himself left. Like he contains multitudes, he's a fascinating character made all the more fascinating by the more normal things about him.

[chevelleneech]

A Stay on Twitter made a thread about how Chan shares traits with them which are common in Autistic/ADHD people, and I wanted to read it but it got deleted because kpop fans are actually the dickiest of dicks and hate any time someone suggests an idol may be disabled or neurodivergent.

Idols can’t be queer, can’t be disabled, can’t be neurodiverse, can’t smoke, can’t date, can’t have opposite sex friends, can’t call out shitty fans, can’t wear the “wrong”, can’t swear…

Y’all want fucking robots to stan and it’s actually horrible.

And yes, simple fan theory being removed has frustrated me, because it happens all the time with Jungkook too. That man is genuinely a walking poster board for stereotypical autistic traits, and while no one obviously knows if he has been diagnosed, it does not make any sense to act like talking about the possibility is the same has saying rude things about him.

And while I haven’t thought about Chan’s ticks and stims in the same context, I don’t see why it’s such pushed against topic. Personally, I think Chan’s are more likely a result of his PTSD as a trainee. I don’t know if he’s talked about this or has even been diagnosed with, but is obvious he has it in some form. Chan was (I can’t say is, because he no longer does Chan’s Room) incredibly self-deprecating about his own physicality, his worth, and his skill. We also know he suffered from su*c*dal ideation and had experience with friends who struggled with self-harm.

So seeing as it has been medically proven that mental stressors and scars can manifest into physical pain and ticks, my personal assumption would be his stims and ticks come from depression more so than autism or ADHD. However, that doesn’t mean I’d ever tell someone off for disagreeing with me. So why do people who prefer to think idols are perfect find the gall to do differently?

Idols being queer or disabled or neurodiverse has zero affect on our lives. Yes, some people may find representation from them and be happy, but as far as negativity goes… it does nothing. Their mental health, physical capabilities, and sexuality do not make their music any harder nor easier to listen to. Y’all just like being evil, and furthering the idea that idols don’t deserve to be seen as fully realized people.

[yakuzacanons]

I NEED some Yakuza headcanons of how the boys would deal with an s/o who's having their period. I'm really going through it rn and I need some comfort in these trying hours, please and thank you. T_T

OMG yes, I feel you tbh period care is very comforting. This post also crosses into how they'd care for you if you're generally feeling unwell, I hope that's alright. I'm sorry to hear you're going through it and I'll do my best to cheer you up! Headcanons of the boys below the cut.

Kazuma Kiryu

He's stoic looking on the outside but on the inside he is sweating nervously. He knows this is totally natural but he doesn't like seeing you in any kind of discomfort. Kiryu will check in on you a lot to ask how you're doing, using an unusually timid voice. He just wants to make sure you have everything you need.

Thank goodness for Haruka especially, on days when your period pains are particularly bad, Haruka just says "Leave it to me, Uncle Kaz!" and gives him a list of what to pick up at the store while she makes you some tea.

If Haruka isn't around to make a list and you have a request or need sanitary items, Kiryu will rush to the store only to realize he totally didn't ask what you specifically needed or how much. He'll just call to double check and he'll come back home with a gift, like your favorite snack. He'll give you personal space unless you request for him to be cuddly as he doesn't want to intrude.

His favorite way to comfort you is giving you massages. He'll massage any part of you too. He'll also run a bath for you and bring you tea.

Majima Goro

When he hears it's that time of month, his first thought is "Ah, shit." because he genuinely doesn't know what he can do to help. He'll ask and even if you insist you can handle it, he can tell you're feeling some discomfort. He'll try to cheer you up by volunteering to do chores you'd do, like shopping or cooking.

Both of you realize quickly that might not be the best idea. Majima isn't a horrible cook but he is so easily distracted that he's more likely to just burn stuff. He never makes lists when he shops so he'll come back with ten things no one asked for. He's just hoping to take some of the pressure off of you.

If you ask him for favors like to rub your back or to get you a hot water bottle, he's immediately on it. Extra pillows? Done. Snacks? Say less. He just needs some direction or he'll go overboard trying to find things to do.

In the end, Majima's way of comforting you is what he does best: cuddling! He's going to snuggle the pain away. It doesn't matter if you have 3 pillows and a hot water bottle on your stomach, he's going to snuggle up next to you. He'll probably try to get you to smile by cracking awful jokes.

Akiyama Shun

Actually pretty good at handling this. He works regularly with girls at the hostess club and the only other employee at Sky Finance is Hana, so he's around girls a lot. He knows when the time comes to just step back and make sure he isn't in your way.

Akiyama isn't overbearing due to the fact that he has experience with this. If you run out of sanitary products, he'll just ask Hana "Oi, Hana-chan. Where's the nearest place to pick up some tampons?" or he'll ask the hostesses rather than bugging you.

Totally the type of guy to take notes on your cravings and other things you like when it's that time of month. He'll remember if you prefer pads or tampons, he'll get your favorite robe washed and dried so it's clean and extra fluffy, and he'll get you all the chocolates you could ask for.

Akiyama's favorite way of comforting you is just catering to your needs. He's good at keeping calm and rather than constantly fluttering around you, he tries to surprise you with thoughtful gestures. He'll pick up takeout from your favorite place and share a cozy meal at home with you.

Saejima Taiga

His best trait? He is warm and soft like mashed potatoes. Forget a hot water bottle or a warm bath, he is a human heater so just snuggle up. He realizes this so when the time comes he'll just open his arms and say "C'mhere, get cozy."

Saejima isn't the world's greatest cook but he's particularly good at things like soup, so he'll make you a hearty soup with your favorite meats and veggies to cheer you up. Definitely the type of guy who believes you can beat a cold by just eating a lot of chicken noodle soup and nothing else.

Takes warm baths WITH you, washing your hair and massaging your back. Plus, you can just lean back against him like he's a giant chair, which he basically is.

His favorite way of comforting you is just finding ways to make you as warm and cozy as possible. He won't assume that your period makes you out of commission but he'll gauges your behavior to determine how much he needs to step up and how much he needs to do.

Tanimura Masayoshi

Since he's usually out most of the day for work, he'll text and call asking how you're doing more than usual. If he passes by your favorite restaurant or sees your favorite snack while at a convenience store, he'll message you asking if you'd like him to pick anything up.

If you end up staying home all day, he'll play hooky for a bit to swing by the apartment mid-shift to check on you. He'll joke, saying "If I get in trouble, I'll just say it was a family emergency, haha." before giving you a kiss and heading back out.

When he does have time off during your period, he will spend the whole day with you, doing whatever you want. You want to stay home in bed all day? Fine by him. You want to go get food? Name a place. Honestly, Tanimura isn't super picky on how he spends time with you most of the time so on your period it just means you get extra special attention.

Much like how he shows affection, his best way of comforting you during your period is just by giving you as much of his time and attention as he can. He knows you don't like when he slacks off at work too much but he'll still sneak off to grab you a snack or drink on the clock, giving a sly wink when you ask if he slacked off at work get you these.

Ryuji Goda

His work keeps him rather busy so he might not be able to dote on you as much as the other boys. Not to imply that he wouldn't love to just stay home all day and dote on you. He'll be sure to check on you in the morning and bring you a delicious breakfast in bed before he takes off for the day.

He keeps the bathroom stocked with items you may need. He's pretty good at monitoring his own needs and by extension yours as well, so whenever he's out shopping for stuff he needs, he'll pick up stuff for you as well so neither of you ever run out of stuff.

Type of guy to leave cute notes around the house, like "I laid out your new robe in the bathroom in case you wanted to take a bath" or "If you get hungry, order food from wherever you want and charge it on my card". His way of being there for you even if he physically can't be.

Ryuji's favorite way of comforting you is full on spa treatment at home. Breakfast in bed, warm bubble baths, a giant cup of your favorite tea, complete with a fluffy robe and matching slippers. It's honestly quite luxurious.

Nishikiyama Akira

He has a bit of a childish side in a good way. When it's your period, he wants nothing more than to make a pillow fort and put on your favorite TV show. It doesn't matter if he's never seen an episode, he just wants to snuggle up and have a comfy day.

Nishiki can't cook to save his life so he won't even try because he knows he'll just make some weird slop and that would drive you both insane. He can actually bake decent cookies though so if you have a favorite cookie, he'll make a batch. If not, buying a pint of your favorite ice cream is his go-to.

Out of all the boys, he gets the vibes down perfectly. He's in matching silk pajamas with slippers ready to do face masks and eat ice cream with you. If you decide you want to go out, just tell him what you're interested in doing and he'll plan the whole thing down to the detail. He'll even keep a couple of spare pads in his pockets just in case.

Nishiki just wants to take your mind off of things. He thinks that's the best medicine for a lot of things so it's his go-to method for comforting you. Type of guy to lay in bed with you when you're having bad pains and just talk with you through the pain.

Daigo Dojima

He's like Ryuji in that his schedule won't always allow him to spend as much time doting on you as he'd like. However, his method is less over the top and more down to earth. Before he heads out for work in the morning, he'll gently rouse you to let you know he has to go and say something like "Be sure to call me if you need anything, okay?" before giving you a kiss.

If he has enough downtime between meetings and if you've decided to stay home all day, he'll swing by with some lunch and a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Even if you tell him it's not necessary to do all of this, he'll insist on it. He grew up with a headstrong mother and watched her work with the Tojo Clan regardless of any period pains she felt, so by contrast he's very gentle with you, doing things for you that his father never really did for his mother.

Daigo will take his private care to go get anything you need. A Tojo Clan member may offer to run this errand for him but he wants to do it himself as it matters a lot to him that he takes care of you. Plus, he thinks it's weird to make one of his employees go get sanitary products for his partner.

At the end of the day, Daigo is a sleepy boy who works way too hard. The both of you will end up snuggled in bed, his hand resting warmly over your stomach. He'll sleepily claim that it's the same thing as you having a hot water bottle on your stomach, but you both secretly know it's just an excuse for you two to be as close together as possible. Not that either of you mind, of course.

Mine Yoshitaka

First of all, do NOT ask Mine to go to the store for you because he will be too scared to admit that he doesn't know what to get and he will bring home one of everything you asked for in every variation he could find. Give the man a list. He's too stubborn to ask for help for his own good.

Unlike Ryuji or Daigo, he'll take a whole day off work if you asked him to during your period. If his secretary asks why, he'll just say "It's that time and they need me" before brushing past her and going to see you. It sounds cryptic but he isn't about to run about telling everyone you're having your period as he values your privacy and doesn't want anyone snooping about to bother you two.

If you insist that he be a good boy and stay at work like he ought to, he'll grumble a bit but listen. However, he will still call you fairly regularly and ask if you need anything or if you're in pain. Mine's too used to no one checking on him so he feels a strange responsibility to make up for that by checking on you more than he might need to.

Mine is actually a pretty good cook when he wants to be, so one of his favorite ways of comforting you is making your favorite dish. He'll say something like "You just sit back and relax honey, I'll make us dinner". He'll do all the shopping and cleaning afterwards too. Mine's been pretty self sufficient for most of his life so he can absolutely do this kind of thing without being prompted.

[volterran-wine]

Hi!

You mentioned in one of your posts (I think the one about leaving your blog) about you liking historical research for the Volturi backstories, and I have some general feelings about vampires and history that I've been itching to share to ANYONE since joining the twilight fandom - since few people are gushing about this (though I will admit I'm kind of picky when it comes to content, so I might not have seen it).

Vampires are FUNCTIONALLY IMMORTAL! That is SOOO fascinating! Just imagine looking into the eyes of an ancient vampire. You're LOOKING at HISTORY. At someone having lived for so long it's hard for a human to truly grasp what that means (which I don't think really requires that much). It's just… AGH! I can't even express how fascinating and awe inspiring that would be…

Bella got to TALK to a man born in 1640's London, and ASKED NO QUESTIONS?! WHAT?!?! I'd want to know EVERYTING! All the little mundane, and everyday details of everyday people. I mean, we know so little of the lives of everyday people in history. That's just not something that was regularly recorded. And the things we know get more scarce the further back we look. I'd want to know what we got right, and what we got wrong. I'd want to know about the lives, attitudes, and thoughts, and little habits of the commoners. I'd want to know of the town gossip, and what they thought of and knew of the wider world. I'd want to know how different and how similar we are.

As a child, I would regularly fantasize about traveling back in time just to talk to some random historic person. And twilight has these very, very old people with photographic memories, and Bella has the opportunity to talk to them about the past and She. Doesn't. Take it! 😭 My inner child is crying, and so am I.

I too like to write backstories for these characters (though with bullet points, maps, and long tangents, not the beautiful texts you bless our eyes with), though I tend to get distracted and just fall down the rabbit hole reading about ancient history (and then being frustrated about how little we know), so I also understand, having tried myself, that writing such a scene would be frustrating considering trying to answer these types of questions would essentially be making up headcanons about history, which isn't as appealing when trying to be historically accurate. But GOSH, do I want it! (Also it requires a level of creativity I sadly lack).

And ARO HAS MEMORIES OF OTHER PEOPLE AS WELL!!!! Just!!! Not just his own, which by itself is already amazing, but all the regular people he has touched over the millennia! Just IMAGINE all the stories he has to tell! All those lost cultures and languages… Ffjgsjfkgkskf! I don't care that I'd be eaten. I would beg for at least an hour of conversation with that man. He can eat me afterwards, and I'd die happy. 😍 (I don't think I even have concrete things to ask. I'd just want him to open his mouth and talk about the "good old days" until he gets hungry and eats me.)

ALSO I'm curious what getting to be that old would have on things like beliefs, personality traits, and cultural habits. These people have OUTLIVED their culture, but surely it still has some effect on them? Isn't there this concept that what you learn early sticks with you best? Surely, a part of that is the culture you were socialized in. I wonder how many small cultural habits or ways of thinking that have, almost unknowingly, stayed with them into their immortal lives and through the ages. Do vampires experience culture shock? But all the time, because the world evolves.

Imagine outliving your own society. There are no other people alive (or undead) that know it. Imagine watching it slowly evolve and change before your eyes until it's unrecognizable to you… How does that feel? How do they cope?

That is all, thank you.

One thing is for certain; being a vampire must be horrible strange for a good couple of centuries. I cannot fathom looking into the eyes of something that is so old, so ancient… and simply go on with my day.

Vampires haunt me.

[cringelordofchaos]

My personal theory on why I believe Craig Tucker is an autistic-coded character.

I wish to preface this with the fact that I am neither qualified to professionally diagnose anyone, and I am not autistic (as far as I'm aware.)

To elaborate on what I mean by "autistic-coded", I am trying to say how he is most definitely not an intentional portrayal of autism, because if he were to be written with that intention, it would be glaringly obvious, it would be said out loud and, let's be honest, he would be a different character than he is now.

By autistic-coded, I moreso mean that he does exhibit a fair amount of traits commonly associated with autism, that some autistic people may identify with as well.

I will say though, he primarily aligns with a specific stereotype of Level 1 ASD/ what some people call "high functioning autism" or "asperger's syndrome" (both terms typically disliked for a multitude of reasons)

You are allowed to disagree with me, or call me a "cringe tiktok south park fan" as people have called me before (despite not using Tiktok.) I just wanted to share this headcanon of mine to someone, because it's all I've been thinking of the past week.

I also wanted to say that craig tucker, by no means, is the ultimate symbol or representation of autism. As autism is a spectrum like all else, you could put two autistic people together in a room and they could have almost nothing in common. While one autistic person may experience low empathy, another may experience high empathy. While one autistic person may be extremely sensitive to noise, another may be completely unbothered by it, or find it difficult to hear (i have a level 3 autistic classmate that is not bothered by noise whatsoever, while i get quite upset with a lot of sounds (sorry for using myself as an example here, even though im most likely allistic (not autistic), i just wanted to explain how not all autistic people are bothered by loud noise.) While one autistic person may do exceptionally well in school, another may do horribly bad. And so on, and so forth. What I am trying to say, a lot of autistic people are very different from one another, so if a person doesn't act like Craig Tucker (who happens to be a relatively common autistic stereotype), that doesnt mean theyre definitely not autistic.

So, to list some potential symptoms he exhibits.

Oppositional defiance - oppositional defiance is more commonly perceived in kids diagnosed with autism. It is when one is deemed to be defiant or disrespectful or rebellious towards a higher authority figure (at least as far as i know.) the reason why this might be more common in people with autism is due to some symtpoms and traits of autism being associated with "troublemaking" or "being rude", even though it might've jut been one's autism making them much more blunt or such, or they might not understand "politeness". Craig may be shown to express a type of oppositional defiance, and it was confirmed he is (or perhaps was) sent to the principal's office on a daily basis. Due to his reputation, even parent's of his peers believe he is a troublemaker, or a 'bad influence' on other children, and blame him on kyle, cartman, stan and kenny going missing in the episode 'pandemic' due to his reputation, despite him being the one dragged into all the chaos. I will say though craig might show less care for authority or how others perceive him, so he isn't afraid to flip off anyone or be extremely blunt, which might get him into trouble more often. he also said he doesnt know why he cant behave. he just is the way he is. Though, he appears to not be as much of a troublemaker as some may make him out to be, like when he said he never fought anyone before the episode Tweek vs Craig, and neither did he know how to. this was a bit of a stretch, but oppositional defiance is more commonly associated with autism and other neurodevelopmental disabilities so i wantedto at least mention it.

Trouble with empathy and expressing emotions - craig's voice is almost always monotone and deadpan with his voice, with a few exceptions. Typically, in autism, strange expression of tone of voice may occur, and it may be expressed in tones such as a monotone voice, even if not fitting the circumstance at hand. This is one of Craig's core traits. Like when he said "okay now there are sparks shooting out of my eyes" with literal sparks shooting out of his eyes. Or when i believe he was talking about Stripe's deaths, his voice remained monotone, despite him being shown to deeply care about Stripe. To him, having a non-monotone voice might take more effort for him than for others, so he just sticks to what he finds comfortable. His facial expressions also remain neutral most of the times, and he generally expresses less emotion than other characters. It's not that he doesn't feel emotions, or that he cares less, i believe he simply doesn't express it as much as others. There's also possibly the case with him experiencing lower empathy. Now for many people, autism may cause uniquiedifferences in empathy in comparison to one's neurotypical peers. Typically being sorted into high empathy and low empathy (low empathy being more commonly represented.) (and some people might believe that high empathy is a super power, but for many people it can be difficult to manage and it still doesn't give you the ability to communicate accordingly in an allistic society). I believe, personally, that craig experiences low empathy, which might make it more difficult for him to understand other peoples emotions and react accordingly (like in 'Put It Down'). Again, it's not that he doesnt care about peoplelike Tweek, he just might find it harder to manage emotional conversations due to him not understanding emotions much. Though despite his struggles, Tweek indirectly helps him confront this struggle, and helps him understand to think more emotionally. Hes also been said to think extremely logically, and "tries to problem solve all the time", as said by Tweek in their argument, so Craig constantly thinking logically and finding it difficult to think emotionally is a consistent and persistent trait in him. This line of thinking can also be common in some autistic people, where they might think 'too logically', which can cause difficulties in personal/emotional relationships.

Repetitive routines - i feel like this is mostly shown in Tweek vs Craig (and arguably shown in Pandemic? though idk.) When Cartman goes to his house, and lies to him telling him Tweek insulted Stripe and that they need to fight now, Craig rejected the offer saying "i cant, red racer is on." cartman says "You can watch red racer any day of the week!" to which craig responds with "i DO watch red racer every day of the week." and then after some persuation, agrees to fight Tweek tomorrow, after the daily Red Racer episode, to which cartman replies with something along the lines of "of course." Idk, i feel like you can tell how much sticking to his routine of watching red racer means to him. Autism may make you more likely to be unusually upset upon routines being broken, which might've been the reason craig refused to give up watchin red racer that day to fight Tweek. You could also say Red Racer might be a form of hyperfixation for him, which is what some people (typically neurodivergent) experience? Though it's a bit of a stretch.

He may also grow deeper attachments to fewer things than most - which can be associated with autism. He really cares about Tweek, Stripe, and probably Red Racer, and space, and that's about it. Ive also heard that many autistic people find it easier to form bonds with nonhuman animals than with humans, and that may be applicable to Craig, though im not sure.

He's also, like ive said before, extremely blunt, possibly to a fault, and to a point where others may not like his company for this reason, or may call him overly negative or rude, despite him probably thinking that there's nothing rude about telling the truth. (Primary source for this: episodes 'Pandemic' and 'pandemic 2: the startling'). Bluntness and obliviousness to social cues are common in autism from what i know.

I also wish to say that his weakness/whatever it was called again in that one south park game was listed to be "communication". for a lot of autistic people communication can be much more difficult to handle and may drain energy, especially if they are made to feel like they're doing something wrong, like being 'too weird' to talk to.

I've also heard that him flipping off people in the earlier seasons might've been a tic? though i kinda doubt that, i thought itd be worth mentioning. neurodevelopmental disorders do increase the chances of having tics. ive also heard the headcanon that him saying "sooooo happy." could be a small stim? I dont know.

He also likes things to be nice and boring, which may be considered to be atypical for kids his age.

https://www.tumblr.com/trans-dwightschrute/713647004784508928?source=share and https://www.tumblr.com/cool-island-songs/676857435610316800/craig-tucker-character-analysis-canon-overview?source=share are both posts that may cover the subject of Craig possibly being autistic.

An argument against him possibly being an unintentionally autistic character that i've heard is that he's "too normal". Yes, in comparison to the majority of the centric south park characters, Craig does appear to be pretty ordinary himself. I mean, it would be difficult for him to stand out among a cast of downright insane characters among which one of them (for example) tricked his half brother into eating his parents. But Craig Tucker's traits have still proven difficulty to him in his social life (such as his relationship with Tweek and his reputation among the parents of his classmates), and he still fits a decent amount of diagnostic criteria, so I wouldn't say him being autistic is impossible.

I will say though, he was definitely never written with the intention of being autistic, though I don't think that completely erases the value of this headcanon, so it stays true in my heart.

Anyway, sorry if i upset anyone with this post. It is simply what I had noticed in the show. Feel free to disagree with any points made here.

(Sorry if i appear to be a bit over-apolagetic during this post. I simply copy-pasted this from a Reddit post i made, and i'm honestly quite scared of most reddit users lol.)

[lightyearssurrogatedaddy]

okay DrInk is the best ever. I've been thinking about it this week for my daily commute of dynamic pondering.

SO all my silly sills probably already been done before, but I'm brainrotting on them two and that's okay if I repeat some things. But I love the idea of an entity that guards and harbors all good feelings, and a guy, some used to be nameless guy who's eager to *really* experience everything around him. That's pure as hell in my opinion.

Whenever I think of Dream and Ink, platonic or romantic, it gives me such a warm, happy mango taste. Dream's mostly patient understanding and unending kindness slapped together with the undead horror Ink, creates some amazing sweet scenes in my silly little brain.

"The Multiverse is big and I'm glad I get to share it with the embodiment of whatever YOU are." type energy. Shhhshhh I'm very emo don't judge me.

Alot of people like to think about Ink feeling disconnected from everyone else, as maybe an autism/adhd parallel because of his lack of quote, unquote "proper" emotions. Got no soul, not a real person, not even a real character, just some thing who gave itself a name and started running around protecting everyone else's silly stuff.

Dream, someone once said that canonically they're not supposed to really "change." I'll give you a rundown on that and try to remember most of it. Dream, the body encasing all good feelings, can't comprehend negative feelings to the extent Nightmare can, they can feel guilty, distressed, etcetc but always with the intent of helping someone/something and getting things back on a more positive and healthy note. They thrive in sickenly wholesome situations, honestly the best kind of character that I wish was let alone to be themself more often.

The person said that maybe Dream feels low that people and friends keep changing and moving on without them, Nightmare changed right under their nose and became a horrible being, their entire village was destroyed in a matter of hours where the day before had been somewhat normal in their eyes. Etcetc you understand now.

Ink, as I've discussed before, is one of those characters that no matter which situation, is going to shift and move and wiggle around, can't be contained by just *one* set of traits because he lives to be them ALL.

So when Ink still don't leave, stays by Dream's side through thick and thin, I think it'll make a really sweet arc or whatever!

Blahblahblahh someone said that talking about my fanfiction or whatever wouldn't ruin the plot so I'm TRUSTING that they're right. I'm not gunna reread this cuz brainrot is supposed to be raw and increadibly messy, so if there's a mistake of working somewhere in there I'm sorry :(

and also I'm still sorry if I repeated anything that someone cooler already said.