#he would probably lose it escaping Shido's palace

[smolstarthief]

So I was looking up the protag of "Lies of P" for potential outfit refs for my own PT Akechi redesign and then my mind just suddenly shifted to, "Akechi with a prosthetic arm???"

[thepancakeboi]

63. “Is this how little you think of me?”

Note: spoilers for today’s (2/2) ingame date in Persona 5 Royal, including final palace details. Especially under the cut.

“I will carve my own path for myself.”

Why do I have to be telling Ren this? Well, when I had decided to come to Leblanc the evening before our deadline, I had expected a calm evening with Ren going over the plan for tomorrow, probably with some coffee. Or maybe we’d go somewhere else. The jazz club comes to mind, or even Penguin Sniper for darts or billiards.

What I hadn’t anticipated was for Ren to be in the middle of a conversation with our target upon my arrival.

I had to speak with Ren immediately before he did something foolish. Sure, the calling card had been given and the plan’s in motion, but I can still see the hesitance in his face. All this time, he had been as steadfast as the rest of us in breaking free from this fake mirage. He had been the one person who had seemed unaffected and knew something was amiss.

Until now, that is.

To hear Maruki confirm my suspicions, that I could be dead in the real world and that Ren’s wish is to “have a fresh start” with me...it’s exasperating. This is nothing more than a setback. Can’t Ren see that this is a trap meant to coerce him to Maruki’s side?

When Ren doesn’t say anything to my words, I continue to assert my position on the matter. “I refuse to accept a reality concocted by someone else, stuck under their control for the rest of my days.”

Ren finally speaks up, sounding distraught as he says, “But then, you’ll...”

Die. I know. It’s better than the alternative: living a life without agency. “So what? That’s the path I chose.” It’s simple. I would rather be dead than controlled again. Once was enough. “All you have to do is stick to your guns and challenge Maruki. Or are you really so spineless that you’d fold over some bullshit, trivial threat on my life?”

He looks stunned that I’d talk so callously about my own life as if it doesn’t matter. Frankly, it doesn’t matter. If I can’t live my life the way I want, then it’s simply not worth living. “Trivi-Goro, this isn’t small potatoes!”

“It is!” I snap, looking away from him. My life is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It would probably be better if I wasn’t around. I’ve caused enough misery to everyone who was unfortunate enough to meet me in these eighteen years, yet here’s Ren being decidedly stubborn about it. He’s the only reason I’m still alive, even though my disappearance from this reality would be better for everyone else. I clearly don’t deserve this blissful happiness, but Ren thinks otherwise. And it’s infuriating. “Do you really think I’d be happy with this? Being shown mercy now, of all times? I don’t want to be pitied.”

“I’m not-”

“This isn’t something I’m debating with you!”

“Goro...?” Ren hesitantly asks as I shift my gaze to the ground. “Please-”

“Your indecisiveness on the matter is essentially a betrayal of my wishes.”

“I...I’m not...”

I look back up at Ren as he trails off, unable to answer. I’m going to have to press him for one, it seems. If he won’t give me an answer by himself, then I’ll just have to pry it from him. “I want to hear you say it aloud. What do you intend to do?”

After a few seconds of agonizing silence, he finally responds, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“I don’t know what I should do.”

I scoff. “You really are that spineless, aren’t you?”

“No!” The only reason I don’t interrupt him is that he looks completely vulnerable right now. “It’s just...Maruki was right. When I thought you had died in...his Palace, I...wasn’t okay. After we stole the treasure, I just wanted to sleep. Everything hurt. I couldn’t stop when we had to defeat Yaldabaoth, but...I wanted to stop. I had to force myself to keep moving. And now that I have you back...I can’t bear the thought of losing you again.”

This is not good if Ren is admitting all of this to me. He’s not the type to tell others about his problems as he doesn’t want to burden his friends. I know how that is, being the same way myself around everyone except him. It’s the only reason I know that about him; it’s yet another similarity between us. The fact that he is sharing this information now...worries me. It means he might be seriously considering Maruki’s offer. I refuse to be the reason Ren falters, after everything we’ve done. We’ve come so far that folding now over something as worthless as my own life would be inane. “Is this how little you think of me? If you truly cared, you wouldn’t even consider accepting Maruki’s offer.”

“I do care!”

“Then why the hesitation? How can you possibly be so indecisive when the answer should be so blatantly obvious?”

“I love you.” Well, that unexpected confession stuns me into silence. Part of me is wondering why he would ever love someone like me, someone who is undeserving of anyone’s love, let alone his. At the same time, I’m hopeful that it’s true. Wait, no. This isn’t the time nor the place for these thoughts. All this could ever be is detrimental, a temptation that I’m afraid Ren can’t resist. “You’re not like the others. Everyone else just sees what they want to see. I can’t be myself around them, so I just wear a mask and show them what they believe I am. You’re the only one who understands me and accepts me for who I really am.”

“Ren, you’re in love with a fake version of me living in some sweet fairytale kingdom full of false happiness.”

“That’s not true,” he immediately refutes. “I love you for you, Goro, flaws and all. I don’t want to give up on you, but if I go back to reality, I...I can’t let you go.”

I jolt as he tightly embraces me as if he’ll lose me as soon as he lets go. He can’t be doing this. It’s only going to make my possible death much more painful. I shove him off of me. “Don’t you get it, Ren? You can’t save me.”

“At least let me try. Maruki’s not evil. He just wants to make everyone happy. Is that really so bad?”

“What the hell’s gotten into you!? He’s the same as Shido!” I snarl. It takes immense mental restraint to stop myself from lashing out at Ren. “His intentions may seem ‘pure’ to you, but a gilded cage is still a prison. He wants to take control of the world and everyone’s lives. And I don’t want to be controlled again.”

“I...”

I’ve had enough of his indecisiveness. He has to make a choice now before he becomes too bogged down by the “what ifs” to decide. “What do you intend to do?” I ask him again. “I won’t wait a moment longer. Answer me.”

“I’m...I’m sorry. We’re taking his offer.”

I stare at him in disbelief, not believing what I’m hearing. Sure, I knew it was possible that he would take Maruki’s offer after what we have learned tonight, but I had been denying that he would be so foolishly sentimental. “Are you serious?”

“I am.”

I search his expression, shocked to find that he’s...he’s actually being serious. He fully intends to accept Maruki’s reality as the truth. And it doesn’t seem like he’ll change his mind. He’s...going against my wishes. I’ve dealt with backstabbing and insincere people in the past, but this? Being betrayed by the one person I’ve come to trust...it hurts. It hurts so much. I’d rather Ren just stab me in the heart with a rusty, serrated knife and let me bleed out. I sigh, not even bothering to keep up false pretenses regarding my feelings. “...Well, I have your answer.”

“Goro-”

I slap Ren’s reaching hand away, turning my back to him so that he doesn’t see the tears starting to form of their own volition. It pisses me off that I can’t even fight against him. His friends don’t have the backbone to refuse him if Morgana’s earlier comment of leaving the decision to Ren is any indication. And, despite my own strength, I know I’m not capable of bringing down Maruki on my own. The only thing I can do now is to accept Ren’s decision. I want him to be happy, I do. Even so, I’m furious with him and his choice. At this moment, I don’t want to see his face ever again. Not that it’ll matter. Starting tomorrow, I won’t have a choice. I’ll be nothing more than a puppet, stuck under another’s whims with no chance to escape. “There’s nothing left I can say. Our deal’s off.”

I stop with my hand on the door. I expect Ren to try and say something, attempting to convince me he’s doing what he thinks is best. Instead, there’s only silence. I turn my head to stare him down. His steadfast, stubborn determination is what pushes me over the edge. If he’s going to hurt me like this, then I have no regrets about driving my own metaphorical knife through his treacherous heart. I won’t get another chance to be myself, so I might as well make the most of it. “I hope you’re happy, Ren. Happy you’re living a lie that you know is wrong. I want you to remember that you’re forcing me into a situation that I don’t desire. I’ve explicitly told you that I refuse to be controlled by another, and what do you do? You stab me in the back with your betrayal because you say you love me. You may call it love, but you don’t love me at all, do you?”

I don’t give him a chance to respond, to deny my accusation and claim that he loves me with all his heart. I’m already out the door, tears streaming down my face as I try to get as far away from Yongen-Jaya as I can. I ignore the door slamming open, Ren desperately calling out to me as he tries to follow. He isn’t able to keep up, and I manage to lose him in the night crowd. There’s no destination in mind. I just want away from here, away from him for whatever length of time I have left before I’m no longer me.

Leaving Leblanc, and Ren, tonight...is the last action I will ever take with my own free will.

[mbtiofwhys]

Ryuji Sakamoto

ESFP

Functional Order: Se - Fi - Te - Ni

Spoiler warning

This article will cover Ryuji’s analysis and there’ll be references to both Persona 5 and Persona 5 Royal, alongside with events from Ryuji’s confidant.

Perceiving Functional Axis Extroverted Sensing (Se) / Introverted Intuition (Ni) 

Ryuji displays his dominant Se during the entire game. He doesn’t think about the consequences of his actions, even in dangerous situations. When the Phantom Thieves escape from Shido’s Palace, Ryuji sprints on a sinking cruise ship to reach a lifeboat and thus saving his friends, an inconsiderate action led by sheer impulsivity. 

Ryuji lives in the present and sees unexpected situations as opportunities to entertain himself. As a phantom thief he doesn’t approaches new targets as threats, but rather as a novelty factor, because they may offer an exciting experience and even a fun time.

But even if reckless, Ryuji supports the Phantom Thieves by always being proactive: he’s the one who suggests to just explore Shujin Academy to take clues and insight about Kamoshida and he doesn’t need a plan or reflection on things before taking action. 

He easily gets bored and constantly craves new experiences, especially thrilling ones. He often messages the protagonist asking for company in activities where he can live in the moment, like playing at the arcade, exercising or eating as a way to enjoy the simplest things in life.

Although carefree and energetic, Ryuji is also reckless to a point where he can become irresponsible and completely unaware of the future implication of his actions. That being said, his inferior Ni isn’t unhealthy. Ryuji surely needs to develop his Ni, but as a young Se dominant he shows a decent amount of awareness. For example, when the group decides who their next target should be, Ryuji always wants to aim at bigger targets as a way to obtain recognition from the general public, lowkey working toward a single, big goal which influences his actions. 

Judging Functional Axis Introverted Feeling (Fi) / Extroverted Thinking (Te)

Ryuji may seem unconcerned about others and always troubled by his crave for excitement and new experiences. During the game the player sees that there is more under the surface, and his confidant shows clearly how this is true. Ryuji is involved in the disbandment of his school’s track team. He tries to apologize and settle things with his past teammates because he deeply cares and thus he can’t forgive himself for his past mistakes. When he discovers that Yamaguchi -the new coach- sees the track team as a tool to gain success, Ryuji follows his strong moral code and, even if he isn’t a member of the track team anymore, he takes action and helps his past teammates to build a new group based on mutual support. 

Ryuji’s personal values can also be seen in his second life as a phantom thief: he’s genuinely concerned about reforming society and he actively does it by making rotten adults have a change of heart. Anyway, his auxiliary Fi isn’t always healthy. He may care immensely about something and if it matters to him, he’ll pour his heart into it, but at the same time he shows a naive indifference when he doesn’t feel a problem as relevant. This is especially true when Morgana leaves the Phantom Thieves feeling unwanted and useless. Ryuji is partly responsible for Morgana’s departure, but he doesn’t care and thus he can’t see the situation as problematic (“eh, he’ll be back sooner or later when he’ll get hungry”). He even finds difficult to apologize when Morgana finally rejoins the group.

His auxiliary, explosive Fi is balanced by tertiary Te. As a Se dominant Ryuji has a direct approach to problems. An ESTP would probably take time to reflect and to put everything into perspective, understanding how something works with aux Ti as a way to assist his actions. This isn’t true for Ryuji: he decides how to act by following his moral code rather than by rationally analyzing a problem.

Dominant Se and tertiary Te operate together by taking the most practical and easy way to solve a problem. The solution doesn’t need to be perfectly sound and coherent as long as it seems viable and efficient. Failure doesn’t scare Ryuji, because he has a trial and error approach and he believes that it’s better to learn from past mistakes rather than losing time in rational evaluations.

[kvetas]

*✿❀; general headcanons part 1 (akechi)

 just some random, usually rather mundane headcanons that probably won’t fit as a theme anywhere else, yeah.

Generally refers to ‘[insert surname]-san’ to nearly everyone.

He’d make exceptions if he’s familiar enough with someone (He either generally refers to Sae as ‘Sae-san’ usually, though may attempt to jokingly call her ‘senpai’ at times) or if he’s fine with a request (So he’d refer to Sojiro as ‘Boss’ if asked, but he’d otherwise call him ‘Sakura-san’).

There’s a possibility that he’ll use different honorifics with either children or people he’s familiar with who are closer to his age. So he’d call some of the phantom thieves as ‘Takamaki-chan’ or ‘Sakamoto-kun’, for example. It’s only really just because sounds like it suits them more to him rather than any indicator of friendliness though.

And honestly, he’ll still persist at using surnames unless someone specifically requests him to be on a first name basis (or if they’re either western/literally do not have a last name) because he lacks the ability to gauge how relationships work. u_u ;;

bro will spill out his childhood drama unprompted to protag at confidant level three, especially with someone he literally just met standing right next to them, but he can’t bring himself to call someone by name?? smfh with this dude

I’m sad that the proof of justice OVA pretty much ruined my headcanon that Goro played video games as escapism growing up. But I still wanna say that if Goro did choose to play video games, he’d voluntarily play RPGs, puzzle games, and simulator games in his free time as a relaxation.

He may or may not create a Shido Sim just to torture the poor bastard as a way to vent on bad days if he got his hands on The Sims.

But he’d be willing to play any video game, even if half of the reason is just as a point of conversation.

Probably wouldn’t really scare easily on horror games. Because his life is already a goddamn horror to sit through as it is. Actually, since a lot of horror games are generally RPGs and/or puzzle games - they’re actually right up his alley.

He’d be the kind of guy who’d go “Oh, congratulations on the win. :)” but be inwardly seething in rage and already plotting 5 different possible ways to beat you after losing a game.

But this is only if it’s for a game he’s actually familiar with and got absolutely demolished on, he wouldn’t really care otherwise and would even welcome a challenge.

I feel like his hobbies were initially picked... well, to look cool, number one, but also for practical use via metaverse shenanigans. (Cycling because it’s the cheapest and fastest option to travel+gather intel but also to help his speed, bouldering for make scaling palaces easier and improve his guts, and darts to improve his proficiency.)

Though he can safely say that he genuinely enjoys these hobbies and is not actually lying through his teeth. But he doesn’t really indulge in them as much as he used to. 2/3 of the reason is because he already maxed out his guts and proficiency stats though tbh

I know that it’s common for people to believe Goro to have a preference in sweets but idk man I don’t really agree with that fanon.

Half is because he wants to be able to judge something he tastes without extra condiments and stuff possibly diluting the flavor. He has a food blog to run and reviews to write and dangit, he’s gonna write nothing but the facts!!

The other half is because he honestly isn’t picky with flavors and the guidebook even says so. Like, sure, he’d critique something to Death but he’d still eat it because you don’t waste food smfh

Even that one spicy-ass takoyaki he unintentionally ate? Like, Yeah, he clearly can’t handle spicy food too well, but he still properly ate it in my book.

Like the only exception is if it’s literally inedible. Like, ‘this is rotten!’ or ‘it  fell all over the floor’ kind of inedible.

That being said, I’d say Goro’s favorite coffee blend is Columbian 100% Typica but I can’t be super sure since I’m not a huge coffee fan and I wouldn’t know for sure how it would taste

I DO agree with the fanon idea that Goro doesn’t know how to cook a whole lot (the most being simple food like. fried egg, or steamed potato, or sandwiches) and just shovels instant-made food into his mouth if he so chooses, which is literally any time he’s not trying to show off or look sophisticated.

His apartment probably has fancy, modern looking furnishings and appliances. But it looks more like a home catalogue than a teenager’s living space. (Again, out of posturing to look more esteemed than he actually feels.) Though the apartment’s size is pretty average.

He almost never gets visitors though despite all the effort, except maybe Sae for whatever reason.

The only room that actually looks lived-in is his room, the messiest thing in the room being his (long) desk since he’d generally work on stuff there.

Has a lamp, a pencil holder, a file holder, and his laptop. But also expect to see stacks of books, papers lying around, maybe an empty coffee mug or three, and tools he didn’t put away on top of it.

I can’t imagine him NOT making his own tools (lockpicks, goho-ms, etc.). But he probably had to learn how to make them through trial and error (and using google). At least he had like, two years to learn.

Of course he has a bunch of books in his house. He’s an *~~intellectual~~*, he’s gotta look the part.

Most of his bookshelves are like. Philosophy books, law books, mystery novels, school textbooks, stuff about cognitive psience, and ‘How-to’ books.

He may or may not secretly keep manga in his room.

I like to think he has a balcony. Though it’s pretty bare outside of maybe drying his clothes, he likes to contemplate about stuff out there.

He doesn’t really like staying home very much though, he only stays when necessary. Unfortunately, getting punched by depression and wanting to just lay in bed all day doesn’t count as a necessity to him, especially since he’s undiagnosed.

His fridge generally consists of takeout (either delivered from home or leftovers), beverages (like milk, iced coffee, any SP-recovering weird sodas), butter, bread, eggs, deli meat, and maybe a salad pack.

His freezer is exclusively full of frozen meals. 90% is microwaveable, while the rest of the 10% is stuff you heat up in the oven or steam it with.

His pantry is full of instant-made microwaveable food. Or stuff that doesn’t require much prep work or knowledge in the kitchen, like Mac and Cheese, Hamburger Helper, canned soup, and tuna packages.

Though he also has stuff like tea packs, hot chocolate mix, and instant coffee in the off chance he actually gets a visitor. A lot of them may or may not be past the "Best By” date.

A lot of his budget goes into skincare and hair products as a celebrity-figure that shows up on TV a lot, so predictably his bathroom is just chock full of the stuff.

GOD I WISH HIS FASHION SENSE WASN’T SO NERDY but unfortunately, he’s a kid trying to grow up too fast in order to be taken seriously and hiding the fact that he’s an orphan and didn’t have money before so we’re just gonna have to deal with his preppy grandpa fashion sense

[our--beginning]

i wrote a sad meta about the way people keep comparing tohru adachi and goro akechi

warnings: canon character death; discussions of child abuse, financial abuse, physical assault, rape, murder, and blackmail as well as rehabilitation of an abuser

also, major endgame spoilers for Persona 4 (the animation), Persona 4 Arena Ultimax DLC, and Persona 5

the first is goro akechi.

also i’m gonna call them tohru and goro from now on because otherwise this thing is gonna be hell on the eyes!

there are lots of superficial similarities between tohru and goro - their surnames, the fact they serve as a foil to the protagonist of their games, the fact they’re a secret first-hand perpetrator for some of the crimes that occur during the course of their game. but there are a lot of superficial similarities between tohru and another character, too: yuu narukami / souji seta (i’m gonna go with souji for this).

all three of them grew up isolated. all three of them grew up in an environment where their caretakers only cared about concrete proof of their growth, such as grades; and not about them as a growing young person. all three of them were moved around a lot growing up, so they never really had the chance to make friends. and all three of them had absent parents (or a dead parent, in goro’s case).

but these are background features. in all three characters’ cases, the places where they show their true personality and character... is also where they show their differences from one another.

out of this background, tohru chose to become bitter and entitled. he decided that he was owed the intimacy that other people showed, and that he shouldn’t have to work for any of it; after all, he already worked hard all childhood. why should he have to work for anything else? he becomes entitled and self-centred. he manipulates others with a superficial personality, and when that doesn’t work to get him what he wants... he becomes a violent offender, attacking and raping the people who he thinks are acting to spite him. he shows no remorse for these actions. he truly believes he’s entitled to do these things - for his own entertainment and satisfaction.

this is a world away from the way souji came out of his background. after connecting with yosuke, chie, and nanako, he chooses to tentatively put down roots in inaba. he reaches out to the people around him slowly, helping them with their problems and making himself available to them. unlike tohru, he’s TERRIFIED by the prospect that he may be doing this for selfish reasons - so terrified that this belief manifests itself in his Shadow, which Margaret forces him to confront near the end of the animation. He has a strong desire to earn the closeness and intimacy that his social links eventually share with him, which is polar opposite to tohru’s entitlement.

and then... there’s goro.

goro was never given a choice. not a meaningful, realistic one.

from the age of 15 at the oldest (and might i remind the court, 15 is very much an age of minority, legally speaking, in England (my country), America (probably your country), and Japan (his country)) he was under the direct, explicit control of the most abusive and controlling human being we meet in Persona 5: his father, masayoshi shido.

before then, he was in foster homes, pushed from place to place. he had no way of affording cram school; there was very little chance he would get into high school on his own. IMO, it’s no coincidence that the age he was when he reached out to shido is the same age that he’d be looking to get into high school. in that context, is reaching out to your politician dad for help really that unusual? without a high school diploma, goro’s life would be over. with no family registry to speak of and no education, finding work would be next to impossible. he’d be dooming himself to a life on the streets.

when you’re 14 or 15, and your choice is “ask my scumbag politician dad who disowned me for help” or “live on the streets for the rest of my life”, is that really a choice?

this adult he was now indebted to then asked him to carry out a contract killing. we know that shido has and can just have people killed anyway. he threatens goro on more than one occasion in the game, after he’s already got plenty of blackmail material to hold over him and bring him back in line with. nope, he goes straight for the threats. when they first met, it would have been even easier to make goro disappear.

when you’re 14 or 15, and your choice is “murder someone” or “die”, is that really a choice?

shido coerces through to enforces goro’s every action. shido constantly checks up on goro. he constantly interrogates any sign of dissent in goro. he constantly reminds goro that he’s the only reason goro is where he is; i.e. not dead or on the streets.

the first taste of freedom goro gets is during the casino palace, but even that is short-lived. he knows it’s fake.

but it leads to the first choice goro akechi makes, in the whole game:

to lie to shido about morgana. to tell shido, “no, i’m pretty sure the weird cat is just a cat. don’t even worry about it.”

it seems small. it seems tiny. but it’s the first sign of defiance we see in him. he knows things are getting down to the line and at the end of the day... the phantom thieves are the first people who have treated him with actual kindness in a long time, even if he’d be fairly certain it was fake. shido verbally and financially abuses him; sae regularly belittles him. everyone else is a non-entity in his life. no one else cares.

except... the phantom thieves. his first confidant.

so he lies for them. even if joker doesn’t escape the interrogation room, morgana is still free. goro must know from long-term observation of the phantom thieves that morgana is more than capable of finding more teens with “the potential”.

lying about morgana is not small. it’s HUGE. it’s the first REAL choice goro’s had in years. and he seized it, immediately.

and then, because of the thieves’ ongoing work in shido’s palace, shido begins to catch on that something isn’t right. he begins to doubt goro. he begins to call his work into question. his threats escalate. goro becomes more introspective. eventually he sets up the engine room ambush. he’s desperate there. we all know that, but knowing what he’s up against - take down the phantom thieves for good, or you’ll die. take down the phantom thieves for good, or you’ll die. is that really a choice?

well...

he makes it one.

which leads me, at last, to what i consider the only true overlap between tohru and goro’s characters: this specific, singular quote, from tohru’s Persona 4 Arena Ultimax epilogue.

when tohru first realises his friend isn’t leaving him - the original context of that quote - it’s a positive moment. it’s the beginning of tohru’s rehabilitation. it’s a realisation that even a terrifyingly unrepentant rapist and murderer can still take a step on the journey towards empathy and companionship with his fellow humans. his life begins, in a small way, to turn around.

when souji realises his friends aren’t leaving him... it’s the dramatic climax of the entire game. it’s the moment when all the themes come together and they defeat the big bad.

when goro realises it...

...did you know the most dangerous moment for abuse victims/survivors is the moment when they finally work up the courage to say, “no, that’s enough,” and leave? the moment they make their first free, independent choice, and use it to try and escape?

abusers hate to lose control of their victims. they’d rather their victim be dead.

every action goro takes is controlled and enforced by his abusive father. until... he chooses to aid the phantom thieves, down in the engine room, against shido’s cognition of him.

the only moment in the game where we honestly see goro’s true desires...

he tried to push joker away, but he came back. he tried to cut their bond, but it wouldn’t stay cut.

and because he acknowledges that, and acts in support of joker...

...his father’s cognition murders him.

immediately.

this desire for control over goro is so deeply ingrained in shido that his subconscious acts on it for him. his ideal vision of goro, this unquestioning child assassin who literally has had the light go out of his eyes, shoots his real son. he’d rather his son be dead than be or do anything that doesn’t suit that idealised, perfectly obedient image.

souji seta is, in most people’s eyes/playthroughs, a good person. in the anime, certainly, he’s kind, considerate, and generous both with his time and his money. so it makes sense that when his choices really shine, they shine bright.

tohru adachi is, given he’s a fictional character and not a real person, definitely evil. he’s selfish and mean and hedonistic. he hurts everyone around him for the fun of it, or at least for his own gain. but when he makes a choice to accept the love that his friend is offering him... it’s still a bright spot.

now... whether you think goro akechi is more like souji in that regard, or more like tohru... doesn’t matter. his choices are never given a chance to shine. because his abusive father is standing right over him, ready to stamp him out at the first sign of light.

so...

in summary...

when we compare goro’s story with tohru’s and souji’s, what becomes clearest of all is that goro is an abuse victim. he had no agency at all throughout Persona 5 because as soon as he tried to exercise any in a meaningful way, he was immediately murdered by the exact person who’d been trying to control him the whole time.

for souji, the moment his bonds come together is the moment he reaches his full potential. even for tohru - unrepentant rapist and hedonistic murderer - the moment he acknowledges a genuine, meaningful bond is the moment his life begins to turn around.

for goro - abuse victim, groomed child assassin, desperately lonely... the moment he acknowledges his bond is the moment his life is taken away from him.

[askprinceakechi]

OOC Anthy/Akechi comparison

Wooooooo boi, I’m sorry this took so long. I actually rewatched the entire Black Rose arc and end of series before I wrote this so I could have it fresh in my mind. If only I had an easier time seeing all the Akechi scenes too. 

Thank you both for your intrest! Also I havn’t seen Evangelion in so long but please, Anon!!! I would love to hear their comparisons as well, please send them to me!!!! @reversalsun

I’m gonna preface this by saying this is not a “Akechi has done nothing wrong” post. Akechi has done many things wrong. Akechi has done some truly terrible shit. I do believe Akechi to be a tragic figure however and more so a product of a lot of shitty things. Despite this being, like, way too long this is only the bare bones of my analysis of both Akechi. Hahahaaaa, if you want more on Akechi and how I in particular view him and his bs lemme know. Though some will be coming out with asks on the blog depending what people ask. I’m so sorry I’m incredibly long winded, this is like, 5+ pages omg. Good luck reading all of this losers.

ALSO THIS IS LIKE ALL SPOILERS. YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T READ IT UNLESS YOU’VE COMPLETED AT LEAST SHIDO’S PALACE. BETTER YET THE TRUE ENDING TO THE GAME.

 The major similarity between Anthy and Akechi however is their position of power. Or rather, their lack of power. Both have crumpled under a much more powerful thumb. Anthy, who accepts her role and who even fears life outside of it; while Akechi has turned a blind eye to it. He’s not dumb, Akechi knows he is being used but he seems to view himself from an underdog position. He thinks it’s all just a matter of time until he can flip the script and turn it around on Shido. Akechi only accepts this power being held over him as a temporary thing, hell even something as part of his plan. No matter how untrue it is. Anthy knows she is being used as well, but rather than take it as a temporary thing she has accepted this as her role in life. It is all she knows.

 They both work through so many layers of masks. Neither Anthy or Akechi seem fond of revealing their true face. The only time Utena ever sees Anthy’s bare face are few and far between, most notably the time Anthy attempts to commit suicide and at the very end of the series after Utena tears open her coffin. Otherwise her true self is concealed behind a pleasant and demure face, only hints of herself showing through when she chooses or cracks a bit. Akechi is very much the same (hell he gets referred to as the “pleasant boy”). His mask is almost as unshakeable as Anthy’s, only she has had forever to perfect it while Akechi is only human. Akechi seems to have quite a few different faces. One of the public, one for ‘acquaintances’ and one for “””” friends””””, under that his true self very much like a matryoshka doll. They don’t like to say what they mean; their words are picked deliberately and often have double meanings that need to be dissected. Or, all they say is fluff. Soft pleasantries that are used for very little other than to pacify or distract from their true selves. Anthy and Akechi are both very manipulative especially when it comes to defending their true selves from any more hurt.

 They’re both used to pain to their masks. This is pain they know well, it’s expected, familiar, a demon they know as well as a lover. It still hurts but something they know how to handle it, and so they guard their true selves viciously. The only way they could truly feel the pain again would be from an injury to their true self. Thus, no one gets to know who they are. To know their true self would be to open up their only weakness. To know their true self would be an ultimate show of trust. Anthy gets hers, Akechi, starts but ultimately does not.

 Their tragedies also both started at a young age. Anthy starting even before she sacrificed herself to the crowd to protect her brother. Akechi’s started from birth and came to a head when he lost his mother. Both were only children when their path of misfortune was laid out for them, and both took the terrible path with stride.

 Anthy gave up her freedom, took on the mantel of rose bride and succumbs to the swords of human hatred in an ouroboros cycle as many times as Akio demands it of her. She is a puppet of Akio, a puppet of end of the world, a puppet of adolescence and a puppet of her own fear. She lets all of this own her.

  Akechi gave up everything in hopes of revenge, respect, and a will to actually be wanted. Akechi has to be, what? 17 in the game? Assuming it was the first, and assuming the whole thing with Wakaba happened roughly two years ago Akechi’s final turn down his path of ruin truly started at 14-15. Still deep in his adolescence, still a child in just about every respect. Akechi hands over all authority he had as a person to a monster like Shido before he ever had the chance to really understand what that meant. He put the puppet strings on himself and gave them to Shido thinking it was all part of his own plan for revenge. He was a child betting in an adult’s game and rather than the adults protecting him they ensured his ruin. Once he had established what he was capable of and the world of the Metaverse to Shido he had sealed his fate. There is no way a man like Shido would ever willingly give up that sort of power. Akechi was trapped to doing his bidding or to die, and he knew that. However, his own pride his want to be acknowledged kept him from just killing Shido himself. It would be a hallow victory if Shido died without ever knowing his crimes and without ever knowing who it was who bested him.

 Just as Anthy had ensured her own imprisonment to Akio. After all she was the only perceived way for him to regain the power he had as Dios. She was the only one willing and capable of being skewered by the swords of human hatred and letting Akio get off completely undamaged. She was the only way to get Dios back after she had sealed him away for his own protection. Akio wouldn’t willingly let her go. Not that it was something he ever had to worry about before the end of the series. Anthy wouldn’t leave him without her own revolution.

 Both were keys to the power of those who were using them and both were unable or unwilling to leave their abusive situation.

 A part in which he differs from Anthy but I still find it important to mention.

 Akechi truly has been a puppet all along, of Shido and more importantly of Yaldabaoth. He, who, just like Akira had been had picked by a god to lead these lives is given the absolute worst draw. Because, unlike Akira, Akechi suffered all through it alone. Akira has the Phantom Thieves, he has his confidants and most importantly he has Morgana. Akira got a guide though the world of the Metaverse and someone to teach him the ins and outs of how the heart worked. What would possibly kill someone.

 As far as we know Akechi got none of this. Akechi traversed the Metaverse alone and a bit of a head canon from myself it was a form of escapism for him. Suddenly Akechi was special. He had a power no one else ever could have, he had a world that he alone could enter and that he could control. After being such a lonely child, after losing everything and everyone and being an unwanted being from the beginning he could be special. Not to mention he get a persona with that, either Robin Hood or Loki or even both at once. Yes, they are a part of him, a reflection of who he is but in the same breath it was a voice that wasn’t his, and a mind that wasn’t truly his. He was no longer alone.

 We are not told exactly what happened with Wakaba. We don’t know if Akechi knew that killing her shadow would kill her in real life as well. We don’t know if he was just trying to enact a change of heart just like the Phantom Thieves would later do. We just don’t know. As a personal head canon, I don’t think he knew. I think he was trying to prove he could affect her as a way of showing his power to Shido and he ended up killing her. Without searching out whoever the person whose shadow he killed he wouldn’t have a way of knowing beforehand that it actually killed them in the real world. Or, perhaps he never fought those types of shadows in the first place. Another thing left up to speculation.

 “If it cannot break out of its shell, the chick will die without ever being born.” “We are the chick” “The world is our egg” “If we don’t crack the world’s shell, we will die without ever truly being born”

 A line that refers to actually, everyone. Every person is a chick stuck in their shell and until they are ready to pass from adolescence to adult they are unable to break their shell. Seriously one of the only straight forward lines that exist in the series.

 Anthy is stuck in her shell. She is doomed to die again and again because she refuses to break out. In the end, the world is an allusion to their passage from adolescence to adult. She refuses to grow up and rather is willing to stay in the school with Akio, and continue to be the rose bride for all eternity out of fear and love. She is scared of the outside world, and yet, no one can break the shell but her.

 The same goes for Akechi. His own fear, his own wants, desires and hurt keep him from growing as a person. They keep him from breaking out of his own shell and rather he rots, he festers in his egg and is doomed to die. He’s stuck in his own adolescence and the mistakes he made as a child because he won’t crack his shell to breathe. He’s also scared of the world outside of his plans, out of what he knows. Another head canon of mine is that Akechi has no clue what he would do with his life if his plans succeeded. If he killed Shido, if he made him acknowledge Akechi as the one who bested him and as his son. He has very little will and drive outside of that, he’s lost another reason he has put off his plans for so long.

 Anthy near the end of the series thanks Utena for letting someone like her. Someone hallow and empty with no heart have a taste of true friendship. Although, at this point she follows Akio still she is regretful about how this all has turned out, and is upset how she has hurt and betrayed Utena.

 Akechi gets a small taste of this as well. Although the Phantom Thieves never trusted him fully he was still on the team. Akechi still got to feel what it was like to be on a team with his peers and even laments that “If he had only met (Akira) a few years earlier…”. He got a taste for friendship and comradery and what his life could have been had he just had friends.

 Another point I bring up is Anthy stabbing Utena at the end of the series and Akechi shooting Akira.

 The reason Anthy stabs Utena is up to speculation. If it was because this is what Akio told her to do, if she really is evil (She isn’t), but the theory I like best is Anthy does it out of fear. Hope is a scary thing to someone who has been in a position like Anthy’s. She sees Utena fighting Akio and finds hope in her. She sees a chance of Utena actually beating Akio and is frightened of her hope. If she does win then, what does that mean for Anthy? Would she get to leave? Would the Rose Bride no longer be needed? Would Akio die? Would Dios really come back? What about the swords of human hatred? Would they attack Utena instead of her? She has no way of knowing. No one has ever come as far, ever actually cared for her, or was her friend like Utena was. She stabs Utena out of fear of the unknown and misplaced kindness. Better one sword from a friend and some harsh words than taking on all the world’s hatred.

 Akechi has wildly different reasons for shooting Akira. First being he was told to. This was part of the plan that Shido and himself had worked out. The second being that Akira was in his way. The Phantom Thieves were poised to be able to take out Shido before he ever could enact his full plan. He couldn’t let that happen because (head canon) everything he had done up until then, every murder, all the blood on his hands, would be for nothing if Shido didn’t know it was Akechi who killed him. Third (Also head canon) his own fear of the unknown, of the future has him wanting to protect Shido in an odd way. Shido is terrible and he hates him, he wants him dead. He however is also the only one blocking Akechi from the future.

 I swear I’m almost to the end of this.

 The adolescence of Utena, and Revolutionary girl Utena the titles are both huge points to the story itself. In the end Utena is a story about growing up. It’s a story about breaking the cycles of abuse. It’s a story about the how no one can save you but yourself but how someone else can spark that revolution inside of you. It’s a story about how revolution doesn’t have to be this huge world ending thing, but rather the revolution inside a single person. In the end Anthy realizes all of this. Utena doesn’t become the Prince because the Prince is dead. It’s an outdated and childish concept that is seeped deeply in toxic ideals of staying the way things have always been. The Prince is about staying in your adolescence and playing pretend that a magic castle would grant you power, would grant your ‘revolution’. Utena realizes this too.

 Utena isn’t the one who pulls Anthy out of her coffin because just like the egg no one can pull you out of it but yourself. However, Utena showed Anthy the way out and she showed Anthy that the cover can be removed. Utena sparked the revolution in Anthy’s heart and in the end Anthy climbs out of her coffin by herself. Anthy breaks the shell of her own egg. She herself is the revolution so desperately coveted. She leaves the school, she leaves Akio, she leaves behind her chains of The Rose Bride and becomes her own person. She has grown up.

 Just like Anthy, Akechi has a revolution sparked in his own heart as well. In the end, when the Phantom Thieves showed him kindness despite seeing who he truly is. Despite knowing all his crimes, they still show him mercy. They don’t abandon him and they don’t try to kill him when he has been defeated. He begins to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Had it not been for the Cognitive! Akechi showing up I truly believed Akechi would have had a revolution as well. In the end, Akechi had a chance to go back to his old ways. He could have just shot Akira like Shido and Cognitive! Akechi wanted him to. He could have given himself that second chance to keep going so that /he/ could be the one to kill Shido. Like he had always planned.

 He doesn’t.

 Rather he sacrifices himself to save the Phantom Thieves. This is his revolution no matter how small. This is his start at redemption even if it is cut short by death. Akechi climbed out of that coffin, he broke out of that shell, and though he was met with death he threw off his shackles with the help of the Phantom Thieves. Akechi finally had a taste of freedom.

*FINGER GUNS AWAY* I’m tired now

[taintedkibou]

head notes + sneak preview

[the story in question]

Thank you, those of you that headed over to Ao3! *deep bow* For those of you that didn’t, I’m copying that little note segment here and… I’ll spruce it up a bit. 

Our protagonist obviously does encounter Ryuji, but by then it may be too late? Lavenza’s voice didn’t quite reach him, so he got a little messed up from the drugs. He’s drunk on power and not so much a closet pervert about how much it gets him off. It gets even worse once he finds out that his crush and his crush’s beau can use the same ability as him. They’ve both been screwed over by society and after little a bit of protest, decide to join Joker on his crusade. He hasn’t caused anyone any mental shutdowns, but that’s because he enjoys toying with them; loves planting ideas, only to remove them, leaving his victims confused as to why they committed a crime. He only messes those already corrupted. He has enough sense to not make grandma and grandpa go on a killing spree. I guess… he just loves knowing he has the ability to “do anything”. 

Also, I realize that Akira kind of crushes on Ryuji more, but that’s because he sees him every day. He’s currently working on Yusuke, but… that’s a tough nut to crack since Ryuji’s hardened him up even more. 

On the other side of this spectrum, we have Akechi. Without you-know-who poisoning every inch of his mind, his law enforcement career is not a farce, but he’s more a student now than an ace detective. He gains a genuine friendship with the Niijimas, and he and Sae bond over cases at the office or at the Ginza sushi bar. They have their hands full with mysterious cases of idols robbing department stores, or lawyers confessing they were paid to make their clients lose.

Sometimes all three of them get together to enjoy coffee at Leblanc.

Akechi was meeting Makoto at Shujin where he was unfortunate enough to get dragged along for the ride when Akira and company infiltrate Kamoshida’s Palace for the last time. Morgana stumbles across Akechi as the Palace is collapsing and Akechi decides to take his chances with the talking cat so he doesn’t get crushed to death.

Blah, blah, blah—Morgana helps him hone his multi-Persona ability and he becomes the new true protag… Which makes Akira the guy in the black mask. Ohh~hohoho! 

I’ve had more thoughts regarding this wayward story.  I’ve been toying with the ideas of the two separate teams meeting and who’s gonna be with whom. AkiRyuKita is already a team. Since Akechi will have Morgana and Makoto, it’s only fair the boys get Futaba, no? I’ll probably let Team Akechi have Ann, because she gets along with Makoto just fine. Haru’s my wild card, but I’m leaning towards her going with Akira. She can’t escape her fiance, her father even agrees to them moving in together, and becomes a little jaded by the turn of events. Maybe Morgana still finds her first, but she’d rather have Akira’s “take action and make them pay” promise come true. 

*scratches head* ‘s still a work in progress, but if you guys keep being interested, I’ll keep trying. Onward! 

Akechi Goro felt a weightlessness about him that hadn’t been there before, even with his new knowledge weighing heavily at the back of his mind. Sae placed a hand to his shoulder and he forced himself not to lean into her. Too long since he’d had such a comforting touch. 

“I’ll take you out for sushi this evening,” the prosecutor told him, guiding her hand to his opposite shoulder to give it a squeeze. This was a side of Niijima Sae Goro had never seen. It was intriguing, but still pleasant. He wouldn’t mind if they spent more time together, which he hoped they would be. 

“Oi." 

Both Sae and Goro’s attention was drawn to the white-tailed, white-pawed black cat that brushed against Goro’s ankle and weaved its way between his feet. 

Sae hummed softly. "A black cat at a funeral. Cliche, if not a little worrying." 

"He’s mine,” Akechi chuckled. “I guess he got lonely waiting." 

"I did,” the cat scoffed. Only Goro heard the spoken words. 

Sae heard an annoyed snuff. “Seems like it.” She smiled, giving Akechi’s shoulder a squeeze before releasing it. “I think my purse might be able to fit him. Let’s sneak him into Ginza." 

"I like her! Yes, please! I’d love to go with you for sushi!" 

The cat changed its trajectory and headed for Niijima, but Goro bent and scooped him up. "Shh,” he whispered. “Morgana. We’re paying our respects." 

Morgana scoffed and settled into the teen’s arms. The cat knew for a fact that Goro’s respect for Shido had been miniscule, if not nonexistent. The only reason they attended the service was because Sae herself invited Goro. 

Morgana fought to free himself from the cradling arms and jumped up onto Akechi’s shoulders. He pressed his front paws to the back of his head, staring out at the sea of people. The teen chuckled, allowing himself to be used as a pedestal for the cat. He hoped the gossip that would be born from the pictures would all be good. 

xxx 

I wrote that… over a month ago. Time stamp says July 9th. As to whether I’ll use it again, can’t say, but I figured I’d share it with you guys :3

[frostpebble]

[P5 SPOILERS] Unanswered questions about Goro Akechi

I’m in a ng+ and noticing a lot of things about Akechi in hindsight that I never gave much thought to in the first run. As far as I know these things don’t have canon answers- if they do and I just forgot something please tell me! Generally I’d love discussion, strangers welcome, come at me.

Putting it under a cut, but once again, spoiler warning for people on mobile!

So, questions that keep piling up and building on each other:

* What was Goro doing in Madarame’s palace?

Madarame mentioned seeing someone in a black mask; we now know this is Goro. But what was he doing there? What reason would Shido have to target/look into Madarame? And it’s very unlikely that he was already investigating the Phantom Theives; it sounds as if he was there before they sent a calling card, and there’s no way he could have predicted him as their next target.

* On that note: HOW was he in Madarame’s palace?

Maybe I’m forgetting some canon info here, but has Goro also always been using the Metanav? Or does he have another way of entering the Metaverse? If it is the nav, how would he have known the keywords to get into Madarame’s palace? I think it’s likely he has another method.

* If he has another way of entering/leaving the Metaverse, could he have used it to escape the ship in his “death” scene?

Maybe (I hope so). Just a small hopeful thought, moving on...

* Kaneshiro also mentioned the black mask.

I didn’t replay this yet, so I don’t remember the exact wording, but he said something about the black masked person being the “true ruler” of the palace, forcing others to do his will. Was this also part of Shido’s orders? And is this referring to the usual psychotic breakdowns, or was he doing something else?

Now a few things that I’m personally very curious about that the game barely touches on:

* How did Goro awaken to his powers?

His whole childhood was shit, but what was the thing that awakened his Persona(s)? And once again, how was he in the Metaverse at all for it to happen? Did he have a Velvet Room or any sort of guidance/explanation from “Igor”, or did he learn from trial and error?

* Which Persona did he awaken to first?

I personally think Robin Hood isn’t just a guise to fool the Phantom Thieves, but represents who he could have been, who he wanted to be. And Loki is his twisted side and dark intentions. But which one did he awaken to first? Was he always twisted, or did he acquire Loki later on, after experimenting with his powers and planning his revenge?

* What is the extent of his powers?

Is he a true wildcard, or does he only have these two Personas? Could he summon more if he had proper training?

I could probably go on but this is long enough. I just think there’s a LOT of unexplored potential in his character and I’m praying Atlus takes advantage of it in a DLC/second version/whatever. His off-screen death begs for a “I lived, bitch” moment, and since knowledge of his powers is still pretty nebulous, it wouldn’t be hard to give us a reasonable explanation for it. Just give me this, please, there’s so much more I need to know about this kid, and he needs the chance to confront the god who dealt him a losing hand from the beginning. The story potential is incredible.

That’s enough words from me, like I said, I’d love to hear other peoples’ theories and observations!

[not-that-joker]

Addressing that thing that keeps coming up: If I catch anyone calling this some kind of beautiful romantic tragedy I’m destroying the internet, but here’s the story of when I came the closest to doing something really, really stupid out of grief.

I didn’t intend to survive after stopping Shido. Not after I thought Goro was gone. I didn’t feel like I deserved to live after failing him like that, and...I hated myself for being so selfish about it, after how horribly I’d failed him, but I wanted to see him again. I intended to fight Shido’s Shadow, destroy his Treasure, and run...but not for the exit. I wanted to get as close to the engine room as I could. That was where I planned to die.

I didn’t feel like I deserved to live when I’d failed to save Goro...and I didn’t want him to be alone in death. If that was his final resting place, then it was going to be mine too.

I’d been thinking something along those lines since the day he supposedly died, but I hatched a solid plan one day while I was studying with everyone, trying to make sure I was ready to go back to school when the time came, and...well, first, Makoto asked us about future plans, and that already put me on edge; I was having a hard time thinking even one day ahead, and suddenly I was confronted with the reminder that, oh yeah, I had a good ~70 years left to live without him. Because I couldn’t save him. She noticed me tense up and dropped the subject fast...then right about every other thing we reviewed ended up being relevant to him in some way. I finally broke down and just locked myself in the bathroom for a couple hours.

I formed the plan while I was in there - I had to go alone, otherwise everyone else would try to make sure I made it out and put themselves at risk for it, so when I came out, I went and filled up my backpack with infiltration supplies and told everyone, “Send the calling card; I’ll be waiting at the Palace entrance.”

Makoto objected, saying that we still had to study. I told her I didn’t care anymore; this test didn’t matter to me; there wasn’t even a guarantee I’d be able to go back to school before the testing started.

I’m pretty sure Futaba was the first to figure out what I meant when I said it didn’t matter. She just let out this panicked whimper, while Makoto kept telling me how even if it didn’t matter to me, I should still let everyone else finish studying, and that’s when I gave myself away:

“No, you can keep studying. I’m going alone.”

Immediately, Ann yelled at me, asking if I was out of my mind. She said the Shadows would tear me apart if I went alone.

“No, I promised Goro I would do this. I don’t intend to lose,” I said.

“But you don’t plan on leaving, do you?” Ryuji asked, and I realized...crap. I was caught.

“I’m going to run, like always,” I said, conveniently leaving out which way I planned to run. At that point, he just...grabbed me by the shoulders and let me have it.

“Dammit, man, stop bullshitting us! That might work on a stranger, but we’re your friends, we know when you’re effin’ with us - you’re leaving something out, because you know we’re not gonna like it, we can all tell! So look at me. Look me in the eye, right now, and tell me you plan to escape that Palace alive. I dare you, do it!”

I couldn’t do it. I just stood there stuttering quietly until he finally let me go and grumbled, “I knew it.”

No one went home that night. We all crashed in the attic. Morgana slept on my chest so he’d wake up if I tried to get up. Ryuji volunteered to sleep on the floor next to the door so I’d have to move him in order to leave. Yusuke slept on the couch so I couldn’t climb out the window. I fell asleep with Haru petting my hair. I woke up hating myself for even considering leaving such good friends behind...and hating myself even more for the fact that part of me still wanted to die. I was, officially or unofficially, on suicide watch from then until he came back. Probably would have been in better shape sooner, but...solitary.

And now that I know he was alive all along, I can’t stop myself from imagining what would have happened if I’d succeeded - if he’d finally come back looking for me, only to find out that I’d gone and killed myself for real, out of grief for him, I...can’t even imagine what that would have done to him. I feel horrible enough about it that I have nightmares about it.

[thepancakeboi]

My Demons

Spoilers below for Persona 5, told from Goro Akechi’s POV directed at Ren/Joker, written based off the lyrics of “My Demons” by Starset (the lyrics themselves are colored red). Starset is definitely one of my favorite bands of all time and after the sad-fest that was Liar, my “Goro Akechi isn’t dead” mindset had to write a sequel. So here it is in the beautiful, glorious mess that it is meant to be because...well, I’ll explain it at the end.

Starts on December 16th with each break being a time skip to the next day.

 “Mayday! Mayday! Abandon ship!”

I barely repress a maniacal chuckle as shadows and cognitions alike run, bleating like the lost sheep they are. The grin spread wide across my face is the only crack in my otherwise calm facade. Wait, why are they panicking again? Oh, that’s right. The ship is slowly sinking around them. This chaos isn’t my doing, as far as I’m aware, but I bask in its glory. This is the chaos I had sought to bring to reality before...

Before what? What has changed? Was it...the fight against you, Joker, and your band of thieves? It’s the last thing I remember vividly. Sae’s Palace, the betrayal, shooting...you, finding out you were still alive and that you must be making a move on Masayoshi Shido, all of it leading up to this grand finale: the showdown between the former ace detective and the Phantom Thieves. I know why we fought. I had truly thought that I needed to eliminate everything in my way to get my revenge, no matter the cost. They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling of having everything you worked for so hard to be both so tantalizing close yet crumbling down into pieces. Their words meant nothing to me...at least, that’s what I had led everyone to believe. You, however, saw through the act, at least, I think you did. Even if your stupid feelings for me kept getting in the way at every turn, you were always one step ahead of me until the end where the wall separated us.

They're all around me, Shido’s cognition of me and the shadows ready to tear me apart should he lose to himself. Surrounding me, circling like vultures waiting for their next meal: Goro Akechi, the bastard son of this ship’s “captain”. They want to break me and wash away my colors from this world and the real one, but I refuse to go down without a fight. I face myself, our bullets fire, and-

That’s...the last thing I remember.

Everything else is a blur. I haven’t been able to think clearly since that fateful moment. My memory, usually so immaculate and infallible, has been failing me. I can’t recall anything, least of all how I survived. Had I fought tooth and nail through the hordes of enemies, desperate to survive another day? Did I perhaps summon Loki from the dredges of my waning strength in a last-ditch effort to destroy Shido’s plans for me? Or had I collapsed from exhaustion and been left for dead when I still had some sliver of life left in me? I find that I don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is that I’m still here, on this cruise ship from hell, feeling like I have nowhere else to go. In a sense, they did wash away my colors, and now all that’s left is my true self. The me I’ve been hiding for so long that it feels unreal.

It’s almost...freeing.

If only you could see me as I am. You could take me high and I'll sing like a canary of what I had done. I’d tell you of every little thing that led us to that moment. Maybe that’s what pushes me to make my way off the ship because I’m just now realizing that...

Oh, you make everything okay.

Okay...

Okay. Just a little bit further. My wounds from before make for a slow, painful escape but, through either some miracle or curse, I find myself back in the real world. I don’t stick around. I know you likely weren’t far behind, and I don’t really want you to see me like this: broken, hurt, and with no one to turn to.

I crash on my bed, finally able to rest after my agonizing escape. Normally, I would welcome the pain to keep my mind from going places I didn’t want. Not even this pain is enough to stop my thoughts straying to you. Even now, you’re just as distracting as ever. We are one in the same, similar in almost every way except for one: our ability to cope with our situation. I caused you so much pain and trouble, and despite what you said back there, I can’t bring myself to believe any of it could be true. But...you take all of the pain away.

Away...

Away is where I need to go. You wanted to save me, yet you can’t.

Even if I want you to save me if I become my demons.

————— 

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How-

I wonder if I cannot stop this sickness taking over. Something is clearly wrong with me if I don’t even remember yesterday clearly. Was it even yesterday? I don’t know. I think I escaped Shido’s palace, but I don’t remember how. Whatever it is that is afflicting my mind, it takes control and drags me into nowhere. It’s frustrating, not being able to remember.

I do remember one thing clearly: you.

You wanted to save me. I wouldn’t let you. I still won’t let you, even if-

I need your help. I don’t want your pity or any cliche bullshit. I don’t even want your damn forgiveness. I just want...

You.

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What-

I...think I remember reflecting on these lost memories before? I feel like I’ve pondered this, but I’m not quite sure. Whatever it is that is afflicting my mind, I can't fight this forever. In a spur of the moment decision, I turn the television on. What I see shocks me.

Masayoshi Shido, my father, is confessing to his evil deeds.

You...You actually did it. You...kept your promise. A sense of relief overtakes me. Everything is finally over. I’m free from his influence at long last.

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Why am I even asking? I know you're watching, for you wouldn’t miss this moment for the world. 

I can feel you out there, somewhere in the crowd...

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did-

Didn’t something important happen...? I pull out my phone, hoping for some clue as to what has occurred. It’s apparently December 19th. Odd...I don’t remember the last...four days? Or is it five? Shit, I don’t remember-

Wait a minute...yesterday...didn’t...didn’t Shido confess his crimes? No one...no one’s mentioning it outside of lamenting Shido’s “poor health” or some bullshit like that. How could they acquit him so easily!? There’s also no mention of the psychotic breakdowns or mental shutdowns, or, more accurately, that I was the perpetrator. The thought of that makes me laugh. I’m almost tempted to go and turn myself in if only to do something regarding the piece of shit I had for a father. They could take me high and I'll sing of everything I did for that bastard.

I can’t, though. Not yet...it would be too hasty and reckless. I suspect Sae-san is putting together a case against Shido at this very moment. She wouldn’t be the type to let this slide so easily.

I...wonder what you’re thinking about all of this. All of your fighting, and for what? The public to ignore you? Oh, I know you though. You make everything okay.

Okay?

Hahah...okay. What a strange thought. It feels familiar though. Have I thought about this before? I don’t recall...

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where-

Have...I asked myself this before? Something doesn’t feel right. 

We are one in the same, two sides of the same coin, thesis and antithesis as I had remarked all those months ago. It’s funny how my thoughts immediately drift to you. I guess I cannot help myself. I really did mean what I was thinking back then. I truly had planned on dying for you because...I love you. Oh, it’s hard to admit that. But you take all of the pain away.

Away...why am I staying away from you?

I want to find you and find out what you think of this situation, but why should I bother? I’m not worth a second of your time. You’re the hero, and I’m little more than a nuisance who realized too late that he was doomed from the start. My pride refuses to admit it out loud, but...I want you to save me if I become my demons. I need you to take me over the walls below, the walls I had built to distance myself from you. I want little more than to fly forever with you.

You probably think I’m dead. Maybe I should keep it that way. I don’t want you worrying over me, yet I also want to feel your warm, comforting embrace. I...I’m not sure what I should do. All I can ask of you is please don't let me go, for I need a savior to heal my pain when I become my worst enemy.

I don’t want to betray your trust ever again. I don’t want to be the enemy of the Phantom Thieves...of you.

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where are you? Why-

There’s this sense of deja vu in the back of my mind...like I’ve asked myself these questions before. It’s an unnerving sensation because I don’t remember if I have. 

You could take me high and I'll sing like a canary of what I had done. I’d tell you of every little thing that led us to-

Wait a second. This sounds familiar. I know I’ve had this thought before, but the “when” or the “why” eludes me. I wonder if you would know. The thought of walking over to Leblanc almost gets me to leave my room for the first time in...however many days. I chuckle at my own foolish longing. I’m supposed to be dead. A dead man can’t just walk into the cafe of the rival who thinks he’s forever gone. Would you even want me there? I don’t know. All I know is that you make everything okay for me.

We are one in the same, two people locked by fate in situations we cannot escape, but while I cause misery wherever I go, you take all of the pain away.

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where are you? Why can’t I remember? Wait-

Shit, I thought I was remembering something. For a moment, I...I could have sworn there was some fragment of my memories I could latch onto.

Take me high and I'll sing... Wait, haven’t I had this thought before? The memories feel so close to clarity, but I either can’t or don’t want to remember.

Oh, you make everything okay...okay, okay? This is familiar too...but why?

I give up on trying to remember, for now. Instead, I let my thoughts drift to the one person that ever made me truly happy: you. Ren Amamiya, a simple transfer student who just happens to have a false criminal background. Akira Kurusu, a name I’ve seen you use a few times in more...dangerous situations. Joker, the charming and daring leader of the infamous Phantom Thieves of Hearts. Pick whatever name you’d prefer me to call you; they’re all the same raven-haired beauty who caught my interest that fateful day in June. We are one in the same...more than I can ever imagine. We’re stuck in whatever sick, cruel game the universe is playing with us. I really hope you can escape it because I know I sure as hell can’t. At least...not without your help...

Oh, you take all of the pain away...away, away-damnit, I thought I had it!

Am I...going insane? Am I remembering things that didn’t happen, thoughts that never existed? All of this is just so frustrating! Shit, do I need you so badly right now, if only to verify my own memories are real. I need you...need you to save me if I become my demons.

Speaking of demons, didn’t Shido confess...? A scandal like this would be all over the news, but there’s...nothing. I can barely contain my fury. Is the public really this foolish? I knew before that the judicial system had its corruption, but how can people be so complacent? They should be in an uproar!

So how the fuck have they not convicted him yet!?

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where are you? Why can’t I remember? Wait...do you even want me around?

This last question breaks through the fog that has become my memories. For the first time, I feel like I’m thinking clearly. I...don’t remember anything before our fight, but...I feel like I’m not going to forget anything anymore. I may not remember when I said I wanted you to take me high and I'll sing but now it’s not important, because oh you make everything okay. And for once, I truly mean it. You made my life feel like everything could be okay.

Okay, so why is everyone saying all the changes of heart were psychological disorders? That the Phantom Thieves...never existed? Bullshit!

We are one in the same. No one remembers us. Either that or no one seems to care.

I know you won’t let this hold you back. If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you take all of the pain away, away from your targets, away from me. And now you’ll have to save all of society from their inept laziness. I still need you to save me if I become someone I don’t want to be, but right now there are greater things at stake. Shido has to be brought down, and justice has to be served. Even if it spells my own downfall.

I’ve made up my mind. I’ll go find you tomorrow. Surely you wouldn’t turn me away on Christmas Eve...right? I just hope you won’t reject me before I become consumed by my demons.

Alright so the explanation behind this bullshit, and the reason it’s a bit...repetitive with each day. So in the game, if you’re paying enough attention they make it very clear that the victims of the psychotic breakdowns do not remember committing the crimes/actions that they did.

Now remember who ended up using that same power on himself during the fight against him.

I’d go more in depth than that, but that starts getting into even deeper spoilers for things I haven’t actually experienced in the game myself.