#he wasn't actually angry

[pizzaboat]

I just remembered something a lecturer said when we called him neurotypical

He was like "fuck you! Do you have any idea how hard it was to get diagnosed adhd in the 80s?!"

Anyway, Eda has that energy

Like "fuck you. I am adhd and I don't need a fancy diagnosis to prove it!"

[sorta-daily-color-sans]

Day 2

[khaoala]

A Guide on How to Be Incompetent with Captain Christ

Step 1. Disturb your target's peace and quiet by calling him everyday. He can't refuse me. I have his criminal record and I can very much so fuck with his life.

Step 2. Say you're going to clean his criminal record, but only partially, because there's still work for him to do, and I need that sweet sweet promotion that will come my way if I get a big boss killing big names.

Step 3. Threaten to reopen his cases if he refuses me.

Step 4. Threaten the safety and well-being of his baby brother when he has been under Kant's care since their parents died when he was like, 10.

Step 5. Tell the civilian (!!!) to get involved with hitmen.

Step 6. Follow Kant to places where the assassin might notice a white dude just hanging out and doing NOTHING because that's my job. Doing nothing.

Step 7. Tell the civilian (!!!) to get in the house of two very well-trained assassins.

Step 8. He gets me all the information I need about the hitmen's next target, but you can't let him go so easily. No. Because he still has to figure out who their boss is. That's right. Not me, the police captain. The civilian (!!!).

Step 9. Make fake promises of safety because we're definitely so competent.

Step 10. Lose track of the assassins after their attempted murder fails. Detail, I didn't even know they were in the bear costumes. If Bison hadn't interfered, Ruerat would be totally dead.

Step 11. Tell Kant I don't need his services anymore after he did everything by himself.

Step 12. Remember when I promised to keep him safe? Lies. I couldn't even recognize the assassin taking him away in a wheelchair, unconscious.

Step 13. Fail to make a correct assumption at all.

[elodieunderglass]

was it the decision to dismount

[burningcheese-merchant]

okay enough with the ship discourse! let's lighten the mood with some season 10 discussions! I'm really really excited to see the latter half of the story, and I'm super curious how this will going into next months update too! chocolate bark, and whatever second cookie that'll come in july, I cannot wait to see how things play out, the dragons have some of the most interesting lore in all of CR history (second only to the Novas hehehe my awesome space super sentai family 😄)

Absolutely, my friend! No more dumb discourse, only good and silly vibes

I actually meant to make a separate post talking about my thoughts on Season 10 of Ovenbreak, but I was always too busy to do so. Your ask gives me an excuse lol

I have LOVED this update so far. It's so great. The story is so great. Longan Dragon being 1000000000000 kilometers long and looking like an eldritch horror? Basically being Jörmungandr from Norse myth? Peak. Longan Dragon trapping everyone in some kind of mind prison and forcing them to endure constant pyschological assault? Peak. More dragon family lore? Peak. Chocolate Bark? Peak, I love him, he's so handsome and perfect, if only he was in Kingdom too

I think what I've enjoyed most so far is:

Dark Choco and Chocolate Bark backstory. I really enjoy their little mentor/student bond. CB is such a fun dude. He's tough but he's lighthearted and has a sense of humor. The way he speaks to DC is so charming, he's like a older brother or uncle almost

I think Dark Choco really needed someone like this in his life, you know? It's a big shame he left, even if it was for an important mission. It makes me wonder how differently things would've turned out if he'd stayed.

Also...

"My father" this, "my father" that. #SayHisName, Devsis lol

It's cool to get official confirmation that the Dark Cacao Kingdom exists (existed?) in Ovenbreak as well. And by extension, Dark Cacao himself exists (existed?) there too. And... he's not the most affectionate dad still lol. It's ok, he's still my favorite Ancient and Kingdom character. I am begging and pleading Devsis for more lore on this, hell give us a whole update focusing on Dark Choco PLEASE, he's been so neglected in OB and it's been a huge shame because he gets more attention in Kingdom. I love Dark Choco, I love how tragic he is, I love his redemption arc. (It's admittedly... less compelling here than it is in CRK, but that can be fixed with a Dark Choco-focused update imo)

I just really, really adore seeing the dragons interact with each other. I love their dynamic SO much, they're my favorite group in this whole series. I'm nutso about them individually and as a family/clan. It's been awesome learning more about Lychee and Longan especially; I love Lychee's unwilling attachment to Rambutan and her apparent longing for proper attention from/bonding with Longan, I love the way the Pitaya-Ananas-Lotus trio bicker and banter, THE LONGAN CHARACTER STUDY‼️‼️‼️ Pitaya may be my favorite dragon but Longan is the most complex and interesting one by far. The warped affection he feels for his family. The need to protect and govern them. The way he perceives time and the world at large. His sociopathic desire for absolute control and revenge for perceived injustices. The way he tries to manipulate the others into agreeing with him and going along with his plans (those scenes in the Dark Realm are fucking crazy. The way he warps and weaponizes their emotions and memories is actual textbook abuser/cult brainwashing shit)

What the actual fuck dude. Ok, Charles Manson lol. And I thought Shadow Milk was bad. (No lie I find Longan Dragon 10x more intimidating than Shadow Milk. He exudes an aura that SM simply does not. THIS is power. THIS is boundless knowledge sharpened into a blade and held against your throat. Shadow Milk may be a god but Longan Dragon is above even godhood. I'm way more scared of Longan than any of the Beasts)

Biggest scene for me though?

WHAT??? LAST SURVIVOR OF THE FLOWER DRAGONS??? WHAT???????????

In hindsight... yeah it was kind of obvious something was up with Lotus Dragon lol. The one flower in a group of fruits. Pretty on the nose. But it's still crazy to think about, you know? What happened to the other Flower Dragons? Why is Lotus the only one left? How did the other Fruit Dragons feel about taking her in? How did SHE feel about that, essentially being adopted by a rival clan? What if they had something to do with the Flower Dragons' demise? They better address this in the next half of the story istg. I will lose it. I WILL write a sternly worded email to Devsisters. I WILL cry

What this says about Longan's character is also quite interesting. It appears that his respect and affection for dragons actually does extend beyond his own immediate family. Enough to take in an orphan. This capacity for compassion and generosity is so unlike how Longan normally behaves. It makes for a really fascinating pivot from his usual modus operandi and adds a lot of depth to his thinking and character

(honestly, this makes me want and hope for Longan Dragon's surrender even more. I've always thought that Longan willingly standing down and ceding victory to the other dragons would be more impactful than him simply being beaten the normal way, aka through the Power of Friendship and Punching Stuff. I want Longan's love for his family to win in the end. I want him to come to realize that he really would have no choice but to eradicate his family in order to achieve his goals, and then forfeit because he could never bring himself to do it. They're the reason why he's doing any of this in the first place. I don't want him to change his mind about mortals or anything, he can stay a genocidal race supremacist lol. I just think it would be more interesting if he willingly stopped what he was doing just because he can't let go of his kin. Perhaps he truly is only clinging to an idyllic past long dead. It would hurt. Hurt his pride, his ego. But their preservation would require the destruction of his clan and he cannot stand for that. THEY are his mission. THEY are his dream. Yes, Longan will forever mourn this loss as he shall forever mourn the past itself. But at least he'll still have those four afterwards. Even if they hate him.)

The dragons make me so ill. I need to pelt them with rocks. Gonna call the Stone Dragons Pitaya was beefing with in prehistoric times and ask them for a favor

[froschli96]

You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)

remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?

and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)

also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)

altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???

oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)

they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))

and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!

(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)

with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!

and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)

and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))

but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.

god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?

basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.

because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!

it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.

like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.

like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.

the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)

like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.

so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh

[cheyezstuffz]

todays lazy doodles! feat. pissed off charlie

[soraya-snape]

People hating on Dumbledore because he chose to take the hard way and step in and lead the fight against Voldemort. And now they blame him for all the people who have died (not just order members but also death eaters like Regulus?!) but if he hadn't done anything they would still have died. The difference is that a lot of other people who survived would have died too.

Yes, I agree that Dumbledore sometimes had a bit of an ego, and he should have maybe trusted more people/told more people (especially Harry and Snape) about his plans. But on the other hand, I totally understand why he didn't or maybe even couldn't trust anyone. There are literally a couple of reasons. Like the last time he trusted (not only trusted but loved) someone, his sister died, and he never forgave himself for that. Or the time the Potters trusted someone and they died. And simply the fact they were fighting a war, and it's common knowledge that you don't know who to trust in times like these, especially when you know the enemy uses spies.

Dumbledore also didn't raise Harry to die. I mean, as far as I remember, he only figured out that Harry was a horcroux when he already went to Hogwarts. Before that, he probably knew something was up, but I don't think he believed that this something would mean that Harry would die (or at least he chose not to believe it because it was too terrible to think about). And even when he knew Harry was a horcroux I think he still hoped that there would be a way for Harry to survive this because he did care about Harry (and I mean as a person not as some kind of weapon). But even if he raised Harry to die, what else was he supposed to do? Nothing? That would mean that thousands of other people would die. If you have the choice for either one or thousands of people to die, what would you do? It's obviously a horrible situation and I hope no one ever has to see that happen, but sometimes the only choices we have are bad ones, but we still have to choose.

In the end, Dumbledore was a morally grey character who made a lot of mistakes and also some character flaws but he had a good heart and most of his mistakes were made with the best intentions but under horrible conditions.

[rosie-tyler]

Moulin Rouge AU

The story follows Moulin Rouge star performer, Daniel LaRusso, and an American writer, Johnny Lawrence, as they navigate through a tumultuous love affair. Little do they know about John Kreese's plan: set LaRusso up with a wealthy man, Terry Silver, to take revenge on Mr. Miyagi, Daniel's father.

[barbieaiden]

when you're the main character's little brother and doomed by the narrative because the author decided that the cult trauma wasn't enough. rip aaron

[syrupmap]

Real life Disney Prince

He is just the best

From an interview @gjdraws posted a few days ago

[bellamyblake]

still dying out here and screaming in anger really because of not just the way Bellamy d*ed but also how he was left alone out there without anyone fucking sitting next to him, sending him off, telling him it's okay, that he's fine and they're all there, most of all imagining his sister here. Gabriel who was not at all a main character was sent off with the Traveller's blessing when he wasn't even skaikru and my poor boi was left out there lying on the floor all by himself, choking on his blood with no one to hold his hand or cry over him and tell him it's alright.

And then his death got to be excused by his sister and eggo....

[agentfemstone]

*crying, and silently waiting in Stone's otherwise empty lab to wait for Ivana's return*

It's already been 5 minutes. What if she doesn't come back????

[llycaons]

that tweet was so funny but I don't even think verge was ever mocking dante for being gay it more like 'why are you, as a gay person who has experienced homophobia from the church, still with these fucking people given everything that they've done to you? wow you've really betrayed yourself AND me huh. you've really lost yourself. also I never told you what they did to me but you obviously know so fuck you' and well. deserved

[swan2swan]

Thire: "You should probably go ahead and save yourself, General Yoda. We're expendable bodies made only to fight, after all."

Yoda:

[elkrisen]

went to get pho with my dad and he was talking about he used to have severe anger issues like me but then he found jesus and never had them again and I had to be like. and is the person without severe anger issues in the room with us now...?