#he was the best. god i need to be a plumber like how he was.

[chewablepebbles]

My grandpa had this real "anything they can do I can do better" energy about being native and in a colonized state and I don't know how well it really worked out for him but BOY was it infectious. Like Thanksgiving was BOMB and fueled by spite. He put his everything into volunteering for the community and doing all of this stuff and it swept everyone else up in it.

[marcsburnerphone]

And they were roommates

(Captain John price x F!reader)

Summary: that captain wants somewhere more homely to settle down and when an offer like yours comes alight on Zillow he must take up on it.

Warnings: some awkward moments but nothing crazy.

part 1 - Part two!!! - part 3 - part 4

—————-

You indeed did not see John price the next morning but what you did see was a handwritten note stuck to the fridge beneath a magnet.

“Good morning, as I mentioned my job is demanding. I’m not sure how long I'll be gone for but I can estimate at least a month. If you need me, my phone number is below along with my check for this month's rent and the next. - John price”

You reach for the envelope that is attached behind the note and pull it open and what the fuck. You knew he had to have money but in what world would someone pay this much rent for a house with a roommate? You immediately grab your own checkbook and write him for the amount that’s overpaid, making a mental note to make sure you give it to him.

————

Weeks pass slowly and life goes on as it did before. The only difference is you're no longer struggling to make ends meet. So to celebrate your success you order that 6 foot canvas you’d been wanting for ages and a new oil paint.

When you got the notification that it had arrived, thank god for two day shipping, you squealed and ran to grab it before the mailman even walked away. He offered to help you as he watched you give it a bear hug and waddle it through your door yelling out a meek ‘no Thankyou’. You dragged it down the hallway and into the sunroom resting it up against the wall. Ripping the clear plastic film off of new canvases comes in third place to the best things in life.

Sitting in the sun that evening you stroke deep blue oil paints that try their best to replicate ocean waters, and white specks that wish they could induce the same feelings stars do.

You’ve been at this same painting for 3 weeks, coming home and straight to it. Now that it’s finally done it sits sunbathing till it dries. You still visit it and admire its larger than life beauty.

John’s been gone for 1 month and 3 weeks now and in that time some problems have arisen, 1. The faucet in the kitchen leaks and below it the pipe also leaks and the only plumber that’s willing to drive out to your house and inspect it says he won’t be available for another week which means the water bill will sky rocketing till then. And 2. you have no idea where the huge painting will go.

You walk around wondering where to place it. You thought maybe the living room, or even in your room but after testing both those places it still didn’t look right. You can only think of one other place which is the hallway to John’s room. Of course that spot is perfect, maybe he wouldn’t notice since he only spent one night here. You grabbed the drill and got to work mounting it immediately. Once all was said and done you gave it a once over, smiled, snapped a picture of it to send to your sister and walked away.

———

John arrived back exactly at the two month mark early in the AM. He opened the house door as quietly as possible and removed his boots by the door to avoid the creaking wood of the floor and continued sluggishly hauling his bag to his room. Being the man he is, he notices everything, those watchful eyes of his never miss a detail so he does indeed notice and take a second to admire the newly found painting hung in front of his bedroom door before unlocking it to set his stuff down.

After a much needed and appreciated shower he reads the clock at 7AM thinking he can sleep for a little, that is of course until he hears a knock at the door. Making his way down the hall he peeps through the window and sees a handyman?

“Good morning sir, how can I help you?” He says opening the door.

“Good morning, your wife called for a leaking pipe, told her I’d come by sometime today.” He looks down the hall towards your room and confirms the fact that you're definitely still very well asleep.

“My wife? Oh yes my wife, that lady I could’ve sworn I told her to cancel this appointment we actually got it all sorted out.” He lies like it's second nature.

“I actually charge a late cancellation fee that must be paid upfront.” He inquires slightly annoyed.

“How much?” John replies feeling sorry for this man that drove out here and is now being sent away.

“100$ flat.” John shuts the door and quickly fetches his wallet from the pocket of his cargo pants and returns with two bills one for the inconvenience and sends the man on his way.

Sleep can wait.

—————

You wake up to the sound of clanking in the kitchen and as a woman that technically lives alone in the middle of the forest you're terrified.

Grabbing the bat beside your bed still fully dressed in the least threatening attire, you tiptoe to the source of the noise and breathe out the strongest sigh of relief ever known to man.

“Jesus Christ John you scared me, what’re you doing?” You loudly admit startling him in return.

“Fixing this pipe that you called an overpriced handyman for.” You stare at him subconsciously admiring the way he looks, slightly disheveled, face screwed in concentration and strong hands twisting the wrench in his hand and let’s not mention the rise of his shirt.

“You okay?” He says removing himself from under the sink leaning back on his knees to stare up at you.

“Yeah, yes I’m so sorry, um so where did the handy man go?” He stands with a grunt and leans his back against the counter.

“On his merry way.” He replies, turning around to turn the faucet on checking if it leaks, then off to see if it still drips and as he expects, it does neither.

“How much do I owe you for the late cancellation fee?” That man has handled your plumbing issues before and you’ve definitely canceled late more than once.

“Technically you didn’t cancel on him, I did so don’t worry.” He says picking his tools up off the ground placing them messily into the tool box.

“Well Thank You.” You say awkwardly.

“Of course.” He smiles making the dimples beneath his beard awfully noticeable.

“Oh and by the way your rent is only two thousand five hundred a month.” You say walking to the kitchen drawer beside him and pulling out a check that’s already filled out and handing it to him.

“Utilities included?” He asks, grabbing the check written out for three thousand and also taking in notice that same scent that clung to those sheets you made his bed with weeks ago as you sweep by.

“Yeah I don’t mind paying more cause I mean look around, this place has my style written all over it which makes it feel more like mine than yours.” He looks baffled at your reasoning.

“I actually like the decorations, not sure I’d change a thing about it.” You laugh at what has to be a lie.

“I doubt it.” You chuckle and slightly blush at his kindness.

“No I'm serious, I especially love that painting in the hallway, where’d you get it?” You seem surprised at the mention of it and even more flattered at the compliment.

“I actually painted it.” He gives you a surprised look.

“See you’re even hand painting the art, please I can afford much more than twenty five hundred.” You act like you're considering it for a moment.

“As much as I’d appreciate it, I'm already grateful for what you pay.” You say truthfully.

“Also, welcome home.” You quip before turning around walking back towards your room to get ready for the day

—————

John’s been home for nearly two weeks now and he’s slightly growing on you and you on him. You co-exist in harmony most times. That doesn’t mean the two of you still don’t clash from time to time.

“Good morning.” He says scrambling eggs in a pan as you walk into the kitchen reaching in the cabinet for a coffee mug.

“Morning to you too.” You say groggily, setting your feet flat on the ground and placing the cup on the counter, reaching for the pot to pour some coffee.

“If I can just- oh I’m so sorry.” He says accidentally bumping into you making the coffee spill on the counter.

“Oh no don’t worry about it, I can just clean it.” You say turning around quickly to go grab paper towels and end up accidentally running into his chest.

He grabs your shoulders to hold you in place and let your brain catch up with the speed of events.

“We will learn to both be in the kitchen together someday.” You affirm with a laugh that makes you feel alive.

“Hey the first week this happened almost everyday. If anything this is a huge improvement.” He jokingly abides.

“True.” You say as he turns around handing you the kitchen towel to clean it up. He watches you with amused eyes and a smile that still hasn’t left either of your faces and for a second something alights in John something that scares him so bad he doesn’t hear a thing you’re saying.

“John, I said did you sleep well?” You speak a bit louder, snapping him out of it.

“Yeah darling sorry I’m just going to take this to my office. I've got some work to cover.” He says hurriedly plating his food and scurrying off.

“Okay well I’ll be heading to work soon.” He doesn’t even let you finish before closing the door leaving you to stand there a little stumped.

“So I’ll assume he didn’t sleep well.” You say to yourself before pouring another cup and heading to your room to get changed.

——————

Comments and reposts are appreciated <3

@beebeechaos

@ttsbaby01

@arminarlertssword

@quakeroaksguy

@waves-against-a-cliff

@depressed-but-make-it-cute

[reignpage]

helloooooo! i’m literally such a fan of everything you post and you’re literally one of the best smau authors on here periodt 🖤

how do you think the jjk men and jjk boys would react to their gf asking another man for help with something or seeing another man help them? like with setting up furniture or opening jars or fixing up their car?

Gojo:

on a mission you partner off with some other guy MAN IS STANDING THERE, JAW ON THE FLOOR HE'S FUCKING BUFFERING LMFAO "uhhhh, sugarplum cupcake sweetness chocolate mouse honeybee? I'm right here???" "don't take another step or god as my witness I will smite this entire country down" and then when you sigh and agree to partner off with him just so you can get this mission done, he's all smiley again, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and skipping off into the sunset

Geto:

on a date you ask a server for some tissues it's so harmless, so normal, so common sensical you'd never think he'd care but when you turn back to him, he's got that psycho killer smile the one that looks so peaceful, so kind and patient that your heart drops to you ass and you realise your mistake "I could have gotten tissues for you, pretty." "did you not want me to get tissues for you, angel?" "could that monkey really fetch tissues better than I could?" will not tip the server might even send a curse after him tbh

Choso:

jealous of his own brother you're at their home and you ask Yuji for a glass of water since he's already in the kitchen man starts sulking he's all depressed, fucking rain cloud over his head, and he looks like he just presented you with a drawing he did in class and you told him you're happy he gave it his best effort lol "I wanted to get water for you" "why did you ask Yuji?" "Yuji can't get water better than me, can he?" will make Yuji return the water so he can get it for you himself, gets a whole new cup and everything

Toji:

you ask a plumber to fix a leaky pipe under your sink comes home and sees a pair of men's shoes and he's readying a fucking weapon cocks a gun and everything marches in all ready for some guerrilla warfare sees you waiting for the plumber and realises the situation will backseat help "nah, you need to twist harder" "how much experience did you say you have?" when guy leaves, he's all moody and grouchy "no, I don't fucking care" "waste your money on some fucking plumber, that's on you" will break it when you're not looking so he can prove a point "it's hard to get good help these days ma, good thing I'll do it for free"

Nanami:

you're at work you ask a colleague for help with a document instead of him doesn't say shit he's trying to rationalise it in his head "she just didn't want to bother me, that's all" to everyone else, he looks fine but you see his jaw is tense, brow twitching once in a while, and he's flicking through papers much harder than he needs to have to smooth talk him "are you okay, kenny baby?" "I thought we had an agreement that pet names have no place in the office, honey." ride home is quiet, not really tense since you know why he's upset, and it's making you laugh a little when you get home, you have to hug it out of him and whisper sweet nothings until he relaxes "yes, you're right, my love. I was feeling a little possessive there. please come to me if you ever need help, even if it's the most minor thing. I would never turn you away." me personally, I wouldn't wait until we get home, I'm sucking him off in the car, hell under the desk, hell right in front of everyone

Sukuna:

you ask some random person in the street for directions whilst out sightseeing kills them you ask someone to get something on the top shelf in a supermarket, you don't even know Sukuna's there he kills them you trip, a guard on the estate catches you and you say thanks kills them changes out the entire guard doesn't even say shit, just does it without further thought or discussion

Yuji:

offended if you ask someone else to spar with you "HEY! I could spar you. I'm really good!!" will try to join in tries to show off his moves and the type to laugh really loud randomly to catch your attention you're going to have to throw him a bone because everyone else is getting annoyed if maki glares at you one more time, you'll cry "yay!!!! me and my girlfriend are the best sparring duo the world has ever seen" mood switches so easily, never holds a grudge

Megumi:

you're at a bookstore you ask for some guy's opinion, a recommendation or something he does that horror movie neck turn, the slow one with the jaws theme song doesn't say anything either just starts brooding oozing dark energy in the corner muttering to himself as he reads a book and if you tease him about it, he might actually just summon mahoraga tbh you have to butter him up and he'll let it go for the most part. just be aware you're never going to that bookstore again tho

Inumaki:

pikachu face when you ask panda to explain a joke to you you gonna do him like that??? with his BOY???? starts cursing all of you out "caviar!" and if you both ignore him, he'll start zipping down his jacket menacingly texts you "panda doesn't know shit, I'm the memelord, you should ask me" "panda's not explaining right!" spams "bruh" everywhere, in ur dms, in the group chat, on his insta/snap stories. fucking tweets it

[choso-star]

jjk men and jobs!!

summary:

jjk men and there modern jobs!!

characters:

gojo, geto, choso, nanami, toji, megumi, yuji, ino

authors note

wow this was a lot more than i was thinking id wrote for my first time! let me know what you think!

CONTAINS! nsfw, fluff

bartender! gojo

-i just see gojo as a bartender, i have literally no clue why i just do.

-just imagine him standing behind the bar, muscles showing through his tight dress shirt, sleeves slightly pulled up🤭🤭

-thats definitely how you guys met, him standing behind the bar on your 21st birthday, your friends long gone partying and you just sitting there, looking all sweet.

“aww look at the little birthday girl layin down and takin my cock so well” all you can do to respond to the man pounding into you is clench your pussy around his cock. “to fucked dumb to say anything? its okay baby we’ll be finished soon and i can send you back to your friends” when you do end up going back to your friends, gojo is back behind the bar serving drinks and your walking out of the bar with cum dripping down your leg.

—————————————————————————

tattoo artist! geto

-i have such a love hate relationship with this man😞

-he looks like he would genuinely be so talented, and so skillful with his hands(🤭)

-his favorite tattoos to do are definitely the more intricate ones he can really put his heart into

-you probably came into his shop, no appointment and wanting your first tattoo. normally, he probably wouldnt have done it for anybody else, but you’re just to cute to refuse.

“hold still princess, it’ll only hurt for a moment” geto says, pressing the needle to your skin, a loud cry leaving your throat. normally, this wouldnt bother him but today its just different. no matter how many times he tells you to stay quiet or for you to not move, you dont listen, you cant help it after all. “y’know what if your gonna keep bitchin i’ll make you quite”

—————————————————————————

piercer! choso

-this man has my heart he could literally do anything to me

-choso is such a sweetheart, he really is, but he doesn’t necessarily look that sweet.

-with his strong build, arms covered in tattoos, several piercings, he looks a little more rugged.

-this certainly wasnt your first piercing, but it was one of your more painful ones, and based on the reviews, choso was your best and safest bet.

-you were definitely nervous but once you saw choso you almost turned around and left. but your committed, your going to get this piercing.

“just lay down on the chair and it wont take very long” you lay down, ‘to late to turn back now’ you thought. as you lay back choso takes his seat in between your legs, preparing everything to complete the piercing. his hands slightly lifted up your shirt to expose your belly button. you would be lying if it wasn’t a great sight. “so pretty, ready for your piercing?”

—————————————————————————

ceo! nanami

-i know, i know “ceo? everyone puts him as that” its just what he is😞

-he looks so good, sitting at the desk in his office, one foot crossed over the other propped on the desk, working on paper work

-your just his little secretary bringing him coffee every morning and checking up on him every so often. i guess you wouldnt want colleagues to know what you always do at your 2 o’clock meeting.

“such a good girl bent over the desk for me” he says, fingers plunging in and out of your tight cunt. “nanamin p-please give’m more” you slur out, then feeling a sharp slap across your ass, causing you to whimper. “if you dont shut up your not getting any of my cock”

—————————————————————————

plumber! toji

-oh god he can come clean my pipes whenever 😊😊 (please send help)

-definitely fucking hates his job😭 wishes he didnt have to work but knows he needs the money bad.

-you would think he would half ass shit to get it done but he’s doing everything the best he can so he never has to come back.

-and then he came to your house, or, your daddys mansion.

“m’better hurry up before your daddy gets home” toji says, holding your hips as you bounce on his cock. “t-toji your too big., m’gonna cum soon- ah” you cried out, but your sobs fell to deaf ears as toji started fucking up into you harder “c’mon baby lets make this quick, we can do more next time”

toji didn’t fix all of your houses pipes this time, looks like he’ll have to come back to finish the job.

—————————————————————————

actor! megumi

-he’s a pretty boy so ofc he’s gonna be on screen

-all the girls want him, he’s literally the josh hutcherson of his universe. constant edits being made of him, always being shipped with someone new.

-what they wouldnt expect is the one he wants isnt an actor, a producer, another celebrity of any kind, but his own personal makeup artist

“hold still megs i have to put more blush on you” you say, slightly sticking your tongue out to concentrate. megumi’s hands find there way to your hips, and pulling you down onto his lap, causing you to accidentally get to much blush on the side of his face“megumi! now im gonna have to redo your base” you whine, but megumi doesn’t care, pulling you into a slow kiss “as long as i get to spend more time with my favorite girl”

—————————————————————————

delivery driver! yuji

-i felt bad for giving him a delivery driver (no hate to delivery drivers obvi) i feel like its so much less glamorous but it kinda fits him😭😭

-yuji is a little pizza boy, driving around the city in his busted, broken toyota camry, but whatever pays the bills right?

-but, hes a broke college student and this is the only way to pay off all his loans.

-its his last house for the night, he walks up to the door and sees you, teary eyed and holding a tub of ice-cream in one hand and a spoon in the other.

“fuck.. you like that? do i fuck you better than he ever could” he said, your pushed against the wall with yuji fucking you at a pace you cant keep up woth “mmmhm.. m’yes- y..uji soso good!” you cry out, tears spilling from your face as he keeps going “good, i’ll fuck the thoughts of him out of your mind”

—————————————————————————

firefighter! ino

-oh my lord imagine this man in firefighter gear, AWOOGA, that hose aint the only thing spraying🥰(im sorry that was so bad😭)

-ino is a caring person, putting others safety before his own, i mean thats his job as a firefighter.

-so when someone sets your apartment on fore, ino is the first one rushing in to help, even tho he has no clue who you are

-he helps you out, and then theres the investigation, but ino is the only one you trust to talk to about what happened! looks like you’ll be spending a lot more time with him!!

“cmon baby im only fucking you in here cause you basically begged for me infront of those police officers “ he says hips snapping against your own, balls slapping your ass. “i only wanna talk to that firefighter ino! cant i talk to ino!” he says in a high pitch tone meant to be mocking you. “well now im here so talk to me baby, tell me how you feel.”

[artycomicfangirl]

A quick idea I needed to get out of my system.

Never grew up with the show. Late 90s baby here! But I just wanted to experiment with some styles out of my comfort zone. Tried my best!

Any headcanons for this version of Daisy? Hm, Well…

- Thinks that Luigi’s wacky inventions are a work of God.

- Absolutely genuinely in awe that he can speak bird. “Yo, that’s so cool! Can you teach me too?”

- She can rap. I Absolutely think so.

- Skateboard? Yes indeed!

- First meeting the gang, she almost ambushes them, thinking they were enemies. But she may or may not recognize Princess Toadstool already?

- Is actually a pretty Handy gal. Maybe even able to help the bros fix things too?

- Her running gag is that she is insanely good at picking locks. Escaping and such. She even turns some of her talents into ‘Magic tricks’

- Take charge, ask questions later type of girl. Feisty and fiery. Something Mr Green Plumber secretly likes? Haha

How about Quotes?

“What did you say about my Pals?! Huh?! How about you get over here and SAY IT TO MY FACE!”

“I CAN’T calm down, Toadstool! Not when MY Luigi is in trouble!”

“Wow Mario… I dunno! That plan seems to be full of holes than a golf course!”

“They don’t call me crazy Daisy for nothin’!”

“Don’t worry! I can slap that Koopa into next week, No problem!”

[littlejuicebox]

Plumber’s Crack(fic) / Leaky Pipes

I wrote this for an April Fool’s challenge. You can all thank @vixstarria for influencing me and for this monstrosity coming from that one single tag. AO3 link here.

This is written to be intentionally bad smut. Proceed if you want psychic damage.

Pairing: Astarion x Female Tav

Summary: In a Modern AU, Tav is looking for an expert escort roleplay experience. She gets far more than she expected.

Astarion sighs as he pulls up to a small, ranch style-house with a bunch of flamingo— no, goose… what the fuck?— garden ornaments. He glances at the number over the garage – 401 Pink Clam Street; yes, this is the right address. He pulls down the visor and watches himself in the mirror as he attaches the stupid fucking fake mustache he has to wear on these house calls. Mr. Szarr said no one trusts a plumber without facial hair… what the hell is he on, anyway?

He cannot wait until he is able to quit. This was supposed to be a temporary gig. But now it’s been years, he’s still stuck in this seemingly dead-end job, and truly, everything about it makes his skin crawl. Toilets, clumps of hair in the sink, sticking himself in small, confined spaces… gods, it’s all horrible. He sighs and climbs out of the work van. Time to just… get it over with.

*

When Tav hears the knock on the door, her eyebrows crinkle. She glances at the clock atop her vanity. It’s eleven in the morning – they’re two hours early. Well, perhaps they’re really in character… don’t plumbers normally come at any other time besides the time they actually say they will? She asked for realistic roleplay this time, unlike what she got from the last crap escort she hired. She’s getting what she’s paying for, at least.

She opens the door and is shocked to see a ridiculously handsome man standing at the entryway. She knew escorts were attractive but– well, she hadn’t exactly expected a greek god in a plumber’s uniform. Turns out, she’s definitely getting what she’s paying for this time around.

“Are you Ms. Tav…” Astarion pauses as he stares down at the word on the clipboard. He lifts an eyebrow. No, that can’t be right.

“Pusey? Yes, that’s me.”

“Can you spell that for me, ma’am?”

Tav blinks. This guy is… really taking the part seriously. “P-U-S-E-Y.”

Astarion nods as he stares down at the form in his hand. Mr. Szarr spelled it wrong on the form, of course. He’s going to have to fix it before she fills out the bottom half at the end. He glances back up to acknowledge the woman; she looks like she’s about to go pose for Playboy at any moment. She’s gorgeous, he has to admit. “I’m Astarion, the plumber. I’m told you need some assistance with your rim holes?”

Tav giggles. It’s time for her to play along. She puts on her best sultry face as she says, “Oh, yes. My rim holes are… definitely in need of your expertise. Please come inside.”

Astarion steps into the house. It’s small, but well-kept and well-decorated. It seems as if she lives entirely alone. “Where is your bathroom, ma’am?”

“I’ll show you,” Tav responds as she begins to head down the hallway. “I apologize, it’s very, very dirty.”

They walk into the bathroom and Astarion looks around. It isn’t dirty at all. Was she making a joke? He puts down his tools, opens the toilet lid, and begins to examine the commode.

“Is it true that… plumbers are good at laying pipe?”

Astarion glances up at the woman. She’s leaning against the doorframe, the picture of seduction. Her silk robe is slipping off her frame; she’s wearing a thin nightie underneath. She really does look like a Playboy centerfold. He swallows. “Yes, ma’am… it’s definitely an important part of the job. Perhaps the most important part. No one wants a plumber that can’t lay pipe.”

“Are you good at laying pipe, Astarion?”

He swallows again and stands. This was… not usually how these things went. “I would consider myself an expert, yes.”

“Then why don’t you show me how good you are at it?”

She’s got him by the coverall strap before he can protest, and her lips crash into his with reckless abandon. She smells wonderful, she’s gorgeous, and she seems to be very into him so it does not take long for Astarion to reciprocate. They’re caught in an embrace in the middle of the bathroom.

Tav breaks the kiss, and when she pulls away, she cannot help but giggle. Astarion’s fake mustache is dangling half off his face.

“Fuck this,” Astarion growls, and he rips the mustache off before eagerly wrapping his hands around the woman. He lifts her onto the bathroom counter and begins hiking up her nightie; he notices she isn’t wearing anything underneath. She’s unclipping his coveralls; they drop down around his ankles.

“Snake my leaky drain, Astarion,” Tav demands, her hands coming to pull his cock from his tighty whities.

He’s honestly surprised by her forwardness. But he does as she asks and quickly sinks himself inside her. He doesn’t last particularly long; he’s a bit embarrassed, but it’s not like he’s ever going to see this woman again. He isn’t so inconsiderate as to leave her without finishing, of course… it just… takes a while. A long while. His hand starts to cramp toward the end.

When the two of them are finished, Astarion runs a hand through his hair and looks around the bathroom. Tav is still on the counter, her hair a mess of tangled curls; one of her fake lashes is falling off. Well… at least they were both wearing fake body hair.

He glances at his wrist watch. Shit– he needs to complete the job and get out of here; he has another assignment later this afternoon. He coughs and tries his best to return to his professional role. “If you… give me a couple minutes to finish up here, I’ll be out of your way, ma’am.”

“Oh… of course.” Tav says and she slips from the counter and tugs her nightgown back down. “Take all the time you need, I’ll be out there with your payment when you’re ready.”

After a couple minutes, Astarion exits the restroom. It took him a bit longer than usual because he had to fill out a new form with the proper spelling of the client’s name. Tav is waiting for him in the kitchen with a smile. “I need a signature from you here, Ms. Pusey.”

Tav obliges and signs the piece of paper. Then she pulls out her wallet. “How much?”

“Five hundred.” Astarion murmurs as he tears off her receipt and hands it to her.

She nods and pulls out six bills. “There’s an extra hundred, for you, of course.”

“Oh. Thank you, ma’am.”

She pulls him into another kiss. “You’re one of the best plumbers I’ve had so far. I might be… contacting your company for your services again sometime.”

Astarion smiles and nods. He sticks the cash in his pocket. He’s not quite sure if he actually wants to be contacted by her or not after this… somewhat embarrassing situation, but he appreciates the sentiment all the same. “I’ll be on my way.”

Tav walks him to the front door. Then she quickly hops in the shower to clean off the evidence of their tryst. When she returns to the kitchen, she sees a text from her landlord.

Ms. Pusey, I forgot to mention this earlier. A plumber should be by this morning, around 11:00 to fix an issue with your toilet we noticed on our biannual walkthrough. His name is Astarion. Please pay him for his services; we will reimburse you once you provide the receipt. Apologies for any inconvenience.

She blinks at the text message. Wait a second…

The doorbell rings. She leaves her phone on the counter. She rips open the front door to reveal… a large, muscular man, dressed in a plumber's uniform.

The man roams his eyes over Tav and smirks mischievously before leaning his arm against the doorframe and staring down at her. His voice is low and suggestive as he speaks. “Hello, Ms. Pusey. My name is Hal Sin. I’m told you have some leaky pipes in need of immediate attention?”

[hungharrington]

i would uh.. like to put my own little menace!steve in bed thoughts out here.. they will make ZERO sense and will be all jumbly n gross but it’s like midnight n i have to be up at 6am so BE KIND <3

as someone who is 100% very shy/extra nervous at first, no noise, trying to mask facial expressions and hide parts of my body. this type of reader especially?? oh ho ho

menace!steve doubles as sorta loving!perv!steve. he can and will fantasise abt cumming on ur tummy and move his way up the best he can - still cumming - until he shoots some onto ur boobs as well. on his come down, all out of breath and smiling with his eyes closed, he can’t wait to open em and see ur blushy, shocked little face, and ropes across ur chest, across ur tummy, maybe he even dribbled some across ur pussy cus he didn’t time it right and shot a bit early (no complaints)

menace!steve who is all slow thrusting with his entire body, borderline begging u to take the big shirt off, he wants to see you all bare so bad.. he’s naked and skin on skin would feel so much better for u baby! steve who, when little noises do embarrassingly slip out, he lights up, copies em; he’ll nudge ur nose with his as ur eyes try and screw shut from embarrassment, his own eyebrows knit up in mocking and his pout mirroring the one he saw, all oh did that feel good sweetheart? oh, it felt so good right there, huh? look at me, look at me.. look at me, or im gonna make u cum.. right now.. so close to me, make u cum with my face so close to urs huh? with his hand trailing down towards ur clit threateningly (because the only thing more embarrassing than making noises like what u just made, would be cumming so quick and hard and probably very noticeably lmaoo)

menace!steve who notices that u like him beefy and hairy. imagine him laying in bed while ur getting ready, and he’s shirtless???? with the covers bunched over his hips, n he just busts out some little quip about how he’s been dreaming about u cumming on his chest so bad. wants to make u ride it, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to have ur pussy that close to his mouth without tugging u up onto his tongue. ur stood there with ur hair tie half done, frozen, bc he looks so nonchalant saying that with his huge biceps crossed over his chest.

menace Steve who wants to simultaneously cum inside u, suck it out, sloppily spit it down ur tits and into ur mouth and makeout, JUST AS MUCH as he’d want to cum inside and then not move. breeding kink menace Steve’s brain goes wee-woo-wee-woo empty when he sees u eyeing his cock when it leaks pre-cum. the man just cannot have his dick in ur mouth, he’s so serious he wants to make every drop count, but he also makes u want it so bad that whenever he gets the vibe that u just need it/need him, u come back into whatever room ur in to see him stripping. he’s so fucking coy abt it too, just shrugs and waves his hands for a second like duhh?? get with the program..

LMAOOO out of left field, but menace!steve who maybe does smthn mundane, like ur pipe breaks (i am NOT a plumber I don’t know what im talking abt), but while he’s down there, laid with his head in the cabinet tinkering around, he tries to role play a ‘oh no my pipes burst and oh? hunky plumber man came to fix it!’ porno scenario. but he doesn’t tell u. just works himself up and lets himself get so noticeably hard that ur like.. are u alright stevie?? n he just has to tell u to pls for the love of god ride him like he’s just some maintenance guy n ur just a hot babe who needs some good dick. take it from him - he’ll keep working (n if it’s a reader who like previously mentioned, isn’t at that point yet.. yea icl I’d do it. don’t judge me but if he’s all sighing and giving up like honey PLEASE take my dick out.. yeah 🫶)

menace!stevie who at every inconvenience, when his little princess is huffing and puffing abt something, rolls his eyes, tugs her under him like god okay babe, i hear you, u need eating out okayy i get it, need to let me kiss u down there for a bit as if he wasn’t the only one out of the two of u thinking that, but boy menace!steve?? can make an excuse out of ANYTHING. oh they gave u crinkle cut fries instead of french? his eyebrows raise as he sighs all dramatic, fully prepared to try n finger u in the diner booth. the dress ur trying on in the changing room doesn’t fit like u wish it would? he’s clicking his tongue, caressing ur hair back just to bend u over infront of the mirror, raring to go and dry hump. the reason??? he’s is. a menace. and kinda bitchy. but it fits.

(also, when ur making out and straddling him, he’d definitely break away, massive grin, just to tease u abt how he can feel that, yknow?? FEEL WHAT??? yknow.. ur heartbeat, baby? the grin is still there, head tilted down to look at u through his lashes. manhandles ur hips harder into his lap and u finally get what he means)

I WAS ALREADY SAVIN UR OTHER ASK TO COME BACK TO BUT HOLY FUCK I CANT ADD ANYTHING TO TOP ANY OF THIS

i’m also a no noise & quiet, ‘can i keep my shirt’ on babe and this felt like a direct ATTACK. steve trying to make his plumber porn fantasy to come true is peak steve 😭 and i would fucking indeed. get his dick out and ride it while he fixed my pipes :)

[gremlin-girly]

Kinktober Day 17

Kinks: Blowjobs/Milf

Pairing: Jake Jensen x f!reader (MILF reader)

Tags/warnings: SMUT, mentions of spousal death (brief), blow jobs, oral (m receiving), cum swallowing, drooling, deep throating

Not beta read + on mobile

Summary: Feeling confident for the first time in a long time, you manage to render the so-called "plumber" speechless in more than one way.

As always I do not give permission for my work to be reposted, translated or copied. My warnings are non-exhaustive (even though I do try to capture everything) but please read at your own risk. I am not responsible for your content consumption.

I hope you enjoy; comments, likes and reblogs are always welcome!

A/N: were ignoring the fact there's so many Jake’s 😭 also yes, he's supposed to be on a mission and the team dressed him up - and yes, he uses mint bodywash 💀

Word Count: 2.4k

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It was just another weekday, you had sighed to yourself after you’d dropped your kid at school. You had taken your time at the grocery store, slowly wandering up and down the aisles feeling utterly zombified. You loved your kid – you did – but you were tired. You weren’t supposed to be doing this all on your own. You pushed thoughts of your husband away. No point dwelling on what could have been.

Perhaps you should start dating again – as your friends suggested. Or, as your best friend told you; “you should at least get a good fucking.”

There was a reason she was your best friend.

You sigh again. The thought of making an effort seemed mentally taxing. Dating apps? God. You’d rather die. The only photos you had were from years ago and with your husband. But then again....

Your cart rolls to a stop next to the make up. You didn’t purposefully  come down this aisle. You’d been going down every aisle. It couldn’t hurt to look could it?

You couldn’t remember the last time you wore make up. You remembered liking how it made you feel and look; extenuating all of the best features of your beautiful face, making you smile so brightly you could the light in your eyes. You remembered how many memories of parties, weddings – your wedding – and days where you just needed to make  yourself feel like the best goddamn thing since sliced bread started with your ritual of make up. From light and natural everyday makeup to party-hard Rocky Horror glam; you felt like a damn star. And you were.

You are.

You look up at the small mirror above the make up section. Your hair was messy, and the bags under your eyes were so vintage, Gucci himself would balk at the price tag. Your eyes flicker to the make up, the little voice in your head asking; when did you last do something nice for yourself?

“Fuck it,” you murmur, adding a few products to your cart. Your eyes scan a Ruby red lipstick, last of its kind, sat in those annoying little plastic trays. It must be fate. You pick it out and read the colour at the bottom.

Mother.

What a coincidence. You smile to yourself and place it in your cart feeling better already, heading towards the checkout.

You are wholly convinced it’s not the make up. It has to be the lipstick.

You came home, put groceries away and showered as usual. But then, the products of your shopping spree looked at you from the bed and  with a shrug of oh-I-may-as-well-since-I’m-here you did your make up. You felt a little silly at first. You didn’t feel any different after putting the make up on and you felt foolish sitting in your mirror in your towel expecting  something to change. Then you did your hair. Marginally better but nothing  awe-inspiring. Then you rolled the red lipstick on with a defeated sigh.

But when your eyes dejectedly flickered back to your reflection, you saw her again. Hair done up, make up perfect , and hell- you were in a towel but it may as well have been designer. The star was back. You wouldn’t admit to anyone that you teared up. Ever. But you did. It took you so long to find your way back to her in the mirror that you can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed.

It was short-lived, however, because with your new lipstick, your new confidence, it was like a switch had flipped. You pulled out on of your old favourite dresses that hugged your curves – one you’d avoided like the plague for too long – and some small heels. God you looked stunning. Sex on legs. You snapped a few photos, sure, but you felt the sudden urge to do something else you loved; making you and your kiddo’s favourite cookies.

Before exiting your room you glanced back once more to the mirror.

“Milf.” You giggled to yourself and descended to the kitchen.

The first batch of cookies are already cooling when you hear a knock on the door. You place your second tray down and teeter down the hallway – feeling a little too much like Bambi in your heels. 

“Coming!”

You open the door  to  a guy in a plumbers uniform that looks like it was taken from a cheap Halloween store. But you aren’t really paying attention to it. He’s big, broad, bespeccled and blond. He looks good enough to eat and you chide yourself for the sudden wash of attraction and wanting to pull him inside. This lipstick has both cursed and blessed you.

Clearly the man – or as his uniform stated Jak – hadn’t paid attention when the door opened because he wasn’t looking at you. You only know he wasn’t because when he did look at you, his jaw dropped so low you thought he’d dislocated it.

“H-Hi um-“ He kept looking at you, unsure where to look besides your face but his brain had turned to mush. You revelled in it.

“Hi,” you smiled, trying not to look too smug. “Can I help you?”

“Uhhh....” he looked away for a second, up the street, scratching the back of his head. “Maybe. The, uh, water company sent me to um... look at some pipes.” He coughs awkwardly but gives you a charming smile.

“Some...pipes?” you quiz raising an eyebrow. You hadn’t heard of any pipe work that needed doing... and the little voice in your head made enough innuendos for you to mull over.

He nods. “Yeah... uh... in the kitchen. Do you mind of I-?”

You step aside immediately allowing him entry. “Of course.”

He follows you through to the kitchen and his eyes grow wide at the sight of the cookies and it makes you crack a smile.

“Help yourself.” You say kindly, moving your second tray into the oven and out of his way.

“Oh I couldn’t-“ He says with a charming smile before popping one into his mouth. He moans dramatically with delight, making you chuckle gently. “These are so good.”

As he gushes over your cookies, crumbs spill over his shirt. You can’t help it, you start to giggle. He's cute, really cute, and you feel a warmth trickle in your lower belly. Once he's gone you can have a twenty-minute "nap" and a cold shower.

"Thanks," You say, blushing slightly. "Feel free to eat more, I don't think I'll be able to eat all of them. Jak, right?"

Jake looks grateful and then surprised, brushing crumbs away from his name badge. He clicks his tongue when he looks at it. "Jake. The e has come off." He grins up at you sheepishly.

"Jake," You repeat, biting back another smile. "Do you want to a drink while you work? Coffee? Soda?"

You got to the fridge, pausing at the handle and see he's looking at you sheepishly.

"Could I have milk please - for the cookies?"

You chuckle softly but nod your head. "Sure, hon."

You set his mug of milk on the counter and chat to him whilst he gets to work. It takes him a while to figure out what he's doing because he keeps talking to you and it doesn't go amiss that he keeps casting glances up to you.

He tells you about his niece and her football team (the Petunias, apparently) and in return you tell him about your kiddo and their hobbies. The conversation between you both is lighthearted and sweet, with Jake managing to get a laugh out of you more than once.

When whatever work he's doing is completed, he gets to his feet and brushes down his overalls and giving you a goofy grin as he does so. But when he moves to get his mug, he knocks it accidentally, sending it careening over the edge of the counter top and onto the floor. You both wince at the sound of the smash.

"I'm so sorry. Let me-" Jake says, going to move but dealing with your kiddo you immediately yell out for him to stay still.

"Sorry -" You bluster apologetically. "Force of habit."

You grab the dust pan and brush from under the sink and get onto your knees in front of Jake, sweeping away the ceramic remnants of mug whilst he continues to apologise. Once it's all cleared away, you sit back onto your haunches with your hands on your hips.

"Don't worry sweetheart, accidents happen." You look up at Jake with a sweet smile. It takes you a moment to realise Jake's face is bright red as he stares back at you and there's an obvious tent in his overalls. Heat pools in between your legs at the sight, a wave of confidence pouring over you. Your tits must look amazing from this angle.

Jake stammers. There's no hiding that he's rock hard and he wants the ground to swallow him whole. Each time he tries to tear his eyes away from you they come right back; your pretty face staring up at him with flushed cheeks and slightly parted lips. And that lipstick. He wanted it everywhere.

"'M sorry." Jake says. "It's just - fuck - you're so hot."

Your day was getting better and better.

You can feel the heat between your legs increase tenfold. Opportunities like this don't happen often. And what had your bestie said about getting a good fucking? In your figurative lap was a hot guy who was hard for you. You'd be stupid to waste this chance.

Your hand dances up his leg, making him jump but he remains stuck to his spot, his breath hitching when you palm at the tent growing between his legs.

"It's alright, I think you're hot too." You murmur up at him. "And if I'm being honest, I would love to fuck you."

He groans out, low and deep, and you continue to massage his hard length in your palm. If it looked anything like it felt, you thought of maybe taking some painkillers in preparation for the ache that would plague your jaw.

"But first," you purr. "I want to taste you."

Jake can't get out of his overalls fast enough. His arm even gets stuck in the elbow of the overalls as you try not to giggle at his enthusiasm, focusing on undoing the buttons at his hips.

Once the overalls are undone and shucked down to his ankles, Jake stands tall in his boxers and a loud graphic tee. His cheeks are still flushed, looking down at you with an excitable smile which morphs into a gasping moan as you cup his balls through his boxers.

"Oh, you like that?" You tease softly, tugging at the elastic waistband of his boxers with your other hand. You give him a cheeky wink. "I'll keep that in mind."

Pulling his boxers down, his cock springs free and Jake is waiting with baited breath to see what you'd do next. His length is impressive, as you'd gathered, velvet soft and heated to the touch. You have a moment of nerves as you lean closer, catching a waft of mint body wash mixed with the scent of him. It had been a while since you'd last done something like this; what if you were bad? Jake didn't seem like the type to complain but still. Maybe it would be like riding a bike. You'd just have to start slow.

You give his tip a tentative kitten lick, lapping at the bead of precum that had gathered and Jake shudders, his cock twitching excitedly in response. You look up at him through your eyelids as you gently fit his tip into your mouth and swirl your tongue around him.

"Oh shit," Jake gasps, his hands gripping the counter top so tight his knuckles went white. You were pleasantly surprised at his reaction - there was no pressure if his hands were in your hair and you could take your sweet, sweet time to build your confidence.

You inch down his length, breathing through your nose, slowly accommodating to his size and the weight of him in your mouth. Jake watched mesmerised as you swallowed him, how your tongue glided against the underside of his cock and along the sensitive vein there and tried hard not to think about cumming there and then.

You made a choked sound when the tip of Jake’s cock nudged the back of your throat and you forced yourself to relax, bracing your hands against his strong thighs and pushing forward so that your nose brushed the thin patch of hair at the base of his cock. Jake groaned another curse seeing himself bottomed out in your mouth and throat.

Your core ached needily at the sounds Jake made, desperate to be filled. However, you were intent on taking your time, and his groans only served to spurr you on. You reared back, keeping the tip in your mouth, before moving back to the base. You repeat the motion slowly a few more times before speeding up, making gargled sounds as drool gathered under your tongue and dripped down onto his heavy balls. Jake was panting, moaning mess above you unable to think past so good it felt to have his cock in your mouth, and how good it would feel buried inside your pussy as well.

"Shit, I think I- oh God -" Jake's cock twitches angrily in your mouth, signalling imminent release. You hollow your cheeks and suck harder, bobbing your head up and down his length hurriedly, ignoring the ache in your jaw. You reach a hand up cupping his balls and give a gentle squeeze, which sends Jake over the edge with a shout of your name. Thankfully, his cock is so far down your throat that swallowing his hot cum is easy and you still take your time removing your lips from his lipstick stained cock, cleaning the spit and pre-cum smothered on your chin.

You smile up at him but he can't see you; he's leaning against the counter top for support, headed tilted back in ecstasy as he catches his breath.

You press a kiss below his belly button, directly onto the line of darker hair. Jake shudders and you can feel his softening cock twitch to the attention, and he glances down.

"If I give you my number," You murmur, gaze locked onto his half-lidded stare. "Will you consider coming back for round two?"

"Yes." Jake says quickly before clearing his throat. "Yeah. I would."

Whilst Jake dreamily gathers his thoughts and re-dresses himself, you pack him a small tupperware box of cookies with a note that has your number scribbled in felt tip (thanks kiddo).

As he leaves with tupperware in hand, he gives you another smile and a quick peck on the lips, making you jolt in surprise.

"Next time, you're going to be the one seeing stars." He promises quietly, heading out the door. You stand in your doorway and give him a small wave, watching him disappear down the driveway and grinning when you see that he keeps looking back to you. You didn't need to be a clairvoyant to know you'd be seeing him a lot.

[munsonology]

sav maybe its cause I'm like super horny tonight but:

Perv!BestFriend!Eddie. He can't help thinkkng of you as slightly more innocent then him. Of course it isnt that you don't do anything (or maybe you haven't), but you stay at home more often than not whilst Eddie goes out to the bar to play with the band. Eddie would go to high school parties dealing, whilst you would much rather go see a movie or stay home reading a book. He suspects you haven't done much but isnt sure, which is why he always brings up his escapades.

He has mentioned things he's done with girls (and maybe a few guys) and you haven't really mentioned much. He likes to watch you fidget and squirm, clenching your thighs together subconsciously. The way he can tell you are flustered without blushing, makes his heart skip a beat. But you're best friends!! It's okay!! To tell each other!! And hey!! You're best friends!! Let's talk about kinks!! Totally fine!!

So one day you come in to his room, sit on HIS bed, and are like "okay so we are best friends right?" Which he scoffs and rolls his eyes at, DUH of course you are! No one else would willingly hang out with "the freak". You go on to mention how you went on a date- his brain stops. You never mentioned a date. Now he's flustered and interrupting every two seconds "uh best friends don't keep secrets what the fuck". "Well I wasnt sure if it would work out, so I didnt want to mention it". Eddie may be a little pissed but you distract him by saying "I need a favor." "Sorry sweets, can't go on the run for murder again". You roll his eyes and grab his hand, staring deep into his eyes as you say," yeah no, don't need that, but Kyle said I was a terrible kisser snd I want to be better so can you please teach me how to kiss?"

Which is the last thing Eddie expects but of course he will teach you how to kiss!! Only best friends get that honor right?! And hey, let's teach you how to give a hickey too! And maybe once you start grinding on him subconsciously, he'll help teach you how to make a guy feel real good with his mouth

(not that you had any intention for this to turn out such a way I mean cmon its not like you've had a crush on the guy and had gotten off to the thought of him before)

OH MY GOD!!! Bestie your mind has me 🤯 one of my fav types of fics is the character teaching reader sexual things. There’s a fic on a03 I never saved and it was the first Eddie fic i ever read last summer and like the talent on this app, it was a MASTERPIECE! I can’t remember who wrote it tho 😭

The chipotle people hooked my bowl all the way up and now I got the itis so apologies if this is all over the place 😭

I feel like since season 4 came out everyone on this app has synced and we’re all horny at the same time 😭 i can’t be the only one who noticed

But back to you! I love pervy bff Eddie too! I think he assumes you aren’t interested in sex because he doesn’t see you with anyone or talk about sex as openly as he does. And it could be because no one is Eddie and it wouldn’t be the same with anyone else. So you focus on other things like school, your hobbies, etc

But when you go out on a date with Kyle (I giggled at this because there’s always a Kyle at school that does the most questionable shit 😭 was it just my schools??) Eddie loses his shit at the lunch table. He had to hear it in the hallway outside mrs. O’Donnell’s class so he couldn’t pay attention the entire class.

And suddenly you’re bringing this Kyle around the party. So he starts bringing his conquests around too. And even tells you in full detail how he fucked some girl in the alley behind the hideout or how he got a bj from the hot plumber fixing his neighbor Janice’s sink. It goes on for weeks like this, he watches how your thighs clench when he describes having a jerk off with Chase from the basketball team in the showers after gym and how Mandy from history class squirted all over the van seats (you did question why the floor was a little damp…). Each story is more than the next and eddie drops his pretzels on purpose just to pick them up (super weird for him because you’ve never known him to clean up anything at home!) and under the table what does he see? Sweet little you grinding your pussy and squeezing your thighs on the bench of the cafeteria bench. He notices the tremble when you cum too 😭

But it isn’t until you ask him for help with that peabrain Kyle that he takes the opportunity to show you the ropes of sex. And not just fucking! He shows you how to kiss so good any guy would get hard from just that, and how brushes of the arm can ignite a fire. And it evolves to Eddie showing you how to give bjs and handjobs, and he fingers you, eats your sweet cunt (he’s saving your ass for a later time). It goes like this for months until finally you confess that Kyle ended things after 2 dates. You did all this to be closer to Eddie. And Eddie confesses he was showing you how he likes to be pleased, not other guys and especially not Kyle.

You wanna fuck him now! But he wants to take his time with you. Light candles around your room, scatter roses on the bed, worship your body how it deserves because you’re the goddess of his dreams! And you were right under his nose the entire time.

He’s super sweet when you finally have sex too. Guiding you through your orgasm, holding his until you’ve cum at least three times, cuddling. But in the moments after you ask “teddy can you show me what you like and not what you think I like?”

And this opens the door to every kink that’s ever run through his mind! He eases you into everything but he can’t wait to show you how he really uses those handcuffs! But over time he realizes you’re s freak too 😭 and now y’all can be freaky and nasty together!!!!

Which is what we all want right 😌 at least for meeeee 😭 lol

[mad-hatter-memes]

Eddsworld Starters (Goulden Era)

A collection of dialogue prompts from the episodes of the Goulden Era of Eddsworld (2004-2012). From the The Dudette Next Door to Space Face (Part 1). Feel free to edit quotes as necessary.

TW: Swearing

"May I help you with your luggage?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"Oh no, we hit that person!"

"Big bloody deal, that person busted our car!"

"Huh...Wonder why all the graves are empty..."

"Let's go looting!~"

"Getting kinda bored there, lying face down in a gutter, festering..."

"No, t-t-that's impossible! You're dead!"

"I'm in your car, [Name]..."

"Help me, or I'll eat your brains."

"[Name], I've come back. Back from the grave!"

"[Name]! Do you HAVE to eat every survivor that comes to us?"

"Three books?! Nobody ever said anything about THREE books!"

"We need to think of a way of opening this gate...I suggest throwing [Name] at it!"

"So [Name], what movie did you get?"

"Hm...Wouldn't it be fun if we could go to hell?"

"So this is hell...What a sight!"

"Hey wait a minute! Why am I on the menu?!"

"Oh my god...Are you alright? You look terrible!"

"Get a haircut...with some highlights."

"I think it's some sort of old Egyptian door..."

"What in the name of this delicious bowl of Eddsworld Cereal happened to my bass?!"

"But there might be treasure down there!"

"For the last time, [Name]. No pirate hats!"

"But I thought the real Santa Claus died centuries ago..."

"You participated in a game of paintball, using REAL guns!"

"This holiday ain't big enough for the two of us..."

"Four viewers?! How did my film only get four viewers?!"

"Dammit, [Name]! You didn't think this one through at all!"

"Oh no! It's a horde of disgusting hideous fish-faced demon spawn!"

"Uh oh! Two [Name]s? I think we know what we have to do..."

"HOW DO YOU MORONS EVEN BREATHE?!"

"Sir! I feel like a shaved bowling ball! Sir!"

"Uh, [Name]...I um...I accidentally flushed the keys down the toilet..."

"Uh...are you sure we couldn't just get a plumber?"

"Who says I'm too old to trick-or-treat? I've only got...twelve restraining orders."

"Hey! Dinner and movie first, buddy!"

"Uh...[Name], why are you biting a pile of garlic?"

"[Name]!, [Name]! [Character Name]'s a vampire!"

"[Name], I just bought a camera, and not just ANY camera, this camera's gonna change our lives forever!"

"You soulless monster! Why are you saying such things!?"

"But—but wouldn't this make some kind of paradox or something?"

"Don't be stupid, that kind of thing only happens in the movies!"

"Oh god, I'm old!"

"No wait! What are you doing with that hammer?!"

"No, [Name]! Put down that drill!"

"Well, if I have to give a bit of constructive criticism, well, it'd probably be that this is the best thing ever created by ANYONE EVER!"

"OK, [Name], I think we get the point! This whole 'I hate Christmas' thing is getting old!"

"Is my face really getting old?"

"CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE CHRISTMAS ALONE?!"

I know you're not a Christmas fanatic, but you're being problematic and slightly dramatic!"

"You blew up the reindeer! You act like a punk! Every time you get drunk, we put up with this junk!"

"I'm just gonna go back to being dead."

"Augh. He just kept screaming, crying, begging for help, his things breaking, the evil laughter, sobbing, his tv keeps turning on and off, his window opening, and suddenly enigmatic gusts of wind are coming through."

"I'm surprised you found the time in your busy self-worship schedule."

"Ha ha. Yeah. Who are you and what have you done with the real [Name]?"

"I hate you. You threw away my milk!"

"Guys, I think our house might- MIGHT… Be a little possessed. Or nothing. Maybe- maybe it's nothing."

"WHAT?! You're crazy! How could you not like ice cream? Ice cream is delicious!"

"Anyway, as for the ghost thing, That sounds about right. Didn't you get spirit insurance?"

"[Name]! there are aliens that have abducted us and they're probably gonna eat us and I'm too pretty to die!"

"[Name]. Don't you burn that tree down. Do NOT burn that tree down!"

[nuctoria]

Listen listen listen

I know I ask a lot of questions

but hear me out

the villains of Luigi's harem... Bad End (the bad guys win)

Every king needs a queen 👑

Oh dear, none are pleasant endings for Luigi but lets do it! Btw, I found two fanarts that describe the bad endings best for Bowser and King Boo, I'll reblog them when I'm done with this.

Bowser: it's hard to picture how this would turn out since he's always defeated by Mario as he's Bowser's nemesis, plus I think Bowser enjoys the chaos he causes and putting Mario through all these adventures. But it can certainly happen if Mario ends up being defeated, Bowser would not have let that win go and would either fully immobilize Mario or kill him, if he were actually that hateful towards the plumber. Finally, he can set his plan for world domination in motion and Luigi would be by his side throughout all of it. Luigi would beg and plead with Bowser to stop and do the right thing but it falls on deaf ears and none of the minions are willing to help. Everything is covered in Bowser's mark, everything is controlled to his rule and desire. But Luigi is trapped, the luxuries he receives being of no value to him, he feels like a traitor to be the only to get such lavish treatment while he friends and family are either dead or imprisoned. He had tried to fight, trying to stone his heart and fight Bowser for peace again but it was of no use, not when he's alone and everything has been remodeled to Bowser's benefit.

King Boo: This guy's main mission is to get that bad ending for Luigi, where all his friends and family are captured in paintings to be put up on the wall for display, their horrified expressions stuck in time and with Luigi by his side to see it all. If he were caught alive, he'd be put in a painting for any acts of rebellion or escape, otherwise sticking him to his side and have him watch as he terrorized the living and expanding his domain. If dead, he'd be able to have better control of him given how he's able to control and even brainwash legions of ghosts all at once so he'd have no problem trapping Luigi's ghost to his castle, he'd find it interesting to see how Luigi will adapt as one and how he'll turn out as the centuries pass by. Perhaps he could modify Luigi to be more accepting to his ways and have him terrify the living with him and his boos.

Antasma: This would have happened if he had taken the Dream Stone and betrayed Bowser before he was betrayed. Since he'd used the Dark Stone, he'd know better on how to use the Dream Stone too so he'd be an even harder boss to beat, if he had taken Dreamy Luigi hostage or done something that damaged Luigi's psyche and affected his dreamself so he couldn't assist Mario properly, he would have won and along with Dreambert, would have been captured or even dead. Pi'illo Island and even the Dream World would have been turned into a living nightmare by his design and due to Luigi's legendary powers, he would have been captured and turned into some sort of trophy, a personal buffet only the king was allowed to feed on, never to see another ray of sunlight again. The dream bats would have gone rough and some may turn into monsters too from eating nightmares instead of dreams like Antasma did but he'd never let them get as powerful. Matter of fact, he'd train and use them to conquer other regions and kingdoms.

Dimentio: What do you think would happen here? Game over. Literally. Nothing more, nothing less. The plan would go accordingly. Count Bleck would be down, the Pure Hearts useless, the Chaos Heart and Luigi at the ready to defeat the heroes. And the heroes would have lost. The worlds across the universe would have crumbled and turned to dust, not a single spec of them left to tell an old story. He would have made his own worlds to his desire, become king of them or better yet, their God. And his Man in Green would be by his side for the whole ride, drowning in guilt and despair at the cruel fate that he was given and cursed to be chained to the demented jester that created this hell using him as a tool.

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 2

Masterlist

Series masterlist

Part 1 🍂 Part 3

Pairing: Syverson x ofc

Series summary: Life with Sy, what more can you wish for? The most amazing husband and father to a whole litter of cute little kids... Sometimes you wonder "how did you get here?"

Series warning: Eventual smut, right now, more fluff...

Word count: 1.4k

A/N: Thank @keanureevesisbae for hitting that 30k mark and earning the whole of the internet a nice little chunk of Sy <3

Any mistakes you may find I left in there on purpose for y'all to find!

“NO! NO! NO!” You jumped away from the spluttering shower as fast as you could. The water was ice cold and brown. God, you’d been so occupied with everything else that needed done around here that you completely forgot to call a plumber. Maybe Sy was right, maybe this house was a death-trap. Your phone rang; speak of the devil!

“Sy, hey! I was just thinking about the way you insulted my house yesterday!”

“I’m sorry, Sugar,” you could hear Sy laugh on the other side of the call. He had a hot laugh. And a hot voice. God you couldn’t afford to think about a man this much, you had other things to worry about. Brown tap water. Toilets that didn’t work. Things like that.

“Hey, I know there’s the whole thing where we’re supposed to wait three days to call,” he said nervously, “but I couldn’t wait. First because I’d really like to see you again,” that was awfully sweet of him… “and second because I couldn’t help but wonder if you’d gotten stuck in your porch again and were in need of rescue.” And another insult. Great.

The stifled snickering on the other side of the line made you want to punch this man in the throat. Sure, you’d need a step stool to even be able to reach it, but God he was annoying right now.

“I don’t need your help, Sy!” That was a lie. “But I’d love to go out for a drink again.” That wasn’t a lie.

“Lara, are you sure there isn’t anything I can help you with?” The concern in his voice was so genuine that you decided to humor him.

“I’ll let you know if I think of anything,” you said with the sweetest voice you could muster, “but in the meantime I could use a ride to the café?”

“Already on my way, I’ll see you in five.” Five? Did he mean hours? You were still in your pajama’s. And partially covered in dirt water. And dirt dirt. Hair a mess, face a mess, barefoot and… You quickly brushed your teeth with some bottled water, cursing all the way through at how completely ridiculous that was, and looked in the broken mirror over the sink. The options were: ‘Brush hair and look like exploded poodle who had been struck by lightning’ or ‘don’t brush hair and look like exploded poodle who hadn’t been struck by lightning’, and since that last option both saved time and looked less… static, you decided to go with that.

Five minutes, on the dot. You’d say your doorbell rang, but that didn’t work, either. A knock on the door worked just fine, though, especially if the person knocking tried his very best to whack the entire thing from its hinges.

“One moment!” You yelled, trying furiously to un-fuck the situation your foot and your jeans currently had going on, leaving you half-naked at the top of the three steps into the sunken kitchen, struggling and… Of course.

“AAHRH!” You were now half-naked at the bottom of the three steps that lead into the sunken kitchen, still struggling. Your foot was unstuck. That was great.

“Are you alright in there?” Sy sounded worried rather than amused, but it was the kind of voice that allowed for that to change immediately after finding out you were alright. You pulled your skinny jeans to where they were supposed to go and got up. Or tried to, because a sharp pain in your ankle sent you floor bound again.

“Fuck!” You swore a little too loudly to make your next statement believable. “Yeah!”

“Sugar, is your back door unlocked?” Oh god, back in secondary school that would have been a monster innuendo.

“Sy, I’m fine!” Another lie.

“Darlin’,” he said with the determination of a man not to be messed with, “if you were as good at soundin’ fine ‘s you are at lookin’ it, I’d believe you. Now can I get to you without harming this house any further?”

“Key’s in the planter – ow,” you said reluctantly while rubbing your ankle. With quick strokes of your fingers, you brushed your hair back where it belonged. If you had to suffer through the disgusting patriarchal ceremony of being saved by a man, you were going to be a cute damsel in distress, dammit!

“It’s a unique second date, Sugar,” Sy chuckled as he waited next to you in the uncomfortable chairs of the doctor’s office, “I’ll give you that.”

“Funny, Sy,” you scoffed. This man got on your nerves more than you cared to admit. You didn’t need to be here, at all. You’d just twisted your ankle. If you went to the doctor for this back home, he’d have told you you’d just twisted your ankle. And to take two paracetamol every four hours for the pain. Sy wouldn’t accept that for an answer, however, so here you were. Luckily, not too many people had gotten hurt in this small town today, and you were out of there in about thirty minutes. With – how predictable – the message that it was just a twisted ankle, and to come back in a week if the pain didn’t go away. No mention of paracetamol.

“Coffee?” Sy said, offering you his arm for support while you limped back to the car.

“But we’ve got to make it a quick one,” you sighed, “I have some stuff at home to take care of. Do you happen to know a decent plumber around here?” He’d lived here for years, he had to know someone, right?

“I can take a look at it when I drop you back off, if that’s alright?” It was a kind offer. Then why did it piss you off so much?

“It’s alright, Sy, I don’t need your help.”

“I’m not saying you need my help, Sugar.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and you could tell he was doing everything he could to not allow it to break through completely. “I’m offering to help you. That’s two different things.”

Why, Lara, you thought, why do you have to be like this? “It’s not. I’m not some helpless little girl who needs a man to save her, or open doors or…”

“If you think I treat you the way I do because I think you’re weak or helpless, you’re wrong.” Sy said through gritted teeth. He looked really angry – and he had a right to be pissed. “I’m not going to beg you to let me help you, Sugar. Hell, if I didn’t like you the way I did, I probably wouldn’t be offering again.”

“Girl! Was that Sy who just drove off?” Julie’s curious face appeared in your kitchen right when you were getting ready to make your first cup of coffee in this house using tap water.

“It was, he fixed my pipes.” Fuck. Shouldn’t have said that. Not like that, anyway.

“I bet he d- “

“Jules.” You made no effort to hide your annoyance. Allowing Sy to help you while you just stood there and did nothing had put you on edge.

“Alright, anyway. I was stopping by to ask how that date went but… Girl, why are you limping?” Her eyes opened comically wide, only feeding your irritation.

“Jules!”

“Jezus Christ, tell me what happened, maybe?” She sank down in one of your kitchen chairs – uninvited and with a very dramatic sigh.

“You haven’t even given me the chance!” Without asking you poured her a cup of coffee too and basically slammed it down in front of her. Coffee should have spilled, but apparently luck was on your side for a change.

“Girl, spill!” It took you three minutes to give her the rundown of what had happened the night before, and the bonus events of this morning.

“He really likes you,” Julie said as she finished her coffee.

“How do you know?”

“First of all,” oh god, this was going to be a lecture, “he literally calls you the next morning. Lara, you are the only person on this planet who will not take that as a goddamn hint!” She shook her cup, asking you for more coffee.

“Second, acts of service are like this man’s number one love language,” Julie continued, “or maybe second. If he starts being touchy with you, you’re golden.” Oh, how you wished…

[phatdonutbear]

SuperSpamtonKid rants about Fnaf

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY [[!$#%]]ING PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF? [[!$#%]]ING PEOPLE WHO [[!$#%]]ING HATE ON [[!$#%]]ING [[Fnaf free no virus]]! WHAT THE [[Fifty percent off]]! SHUT UP ABOUT HATING ON THAT GAME! THOSE GAMES ARE THE BEST GAMES THAT WERE EVER MADE! [[IN THE WORLD!]] THEY'RE ALL AMAZING GAMES [[except for fnaf3 that game's kinda shit 'cause chica isn't in it]] but still SHUT THE [[Funk]] UP ABOUT FNAF HOW IT'S HORRIBLE IT'S THE BEST GAME EVER MADE YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW WHAT'S [[!$#%]]ING GOOD GAMES YOU GUYS PLAY [[!$#%]]ING [[Red Plumbers]] [[!$#%]]ING [[!$#%]]y GRAPHIC [[!$#%]]ING [[Childproof]] [[!$#%]]ING SHIT [[!$#%]]ING GOD [[!$#%]]ING SHIT!

YOU PLAY ALL THIS [[!$#%]]ING SHIT! YOU'RE ALL [[!$#%]]ING [[Rargh!]] WHO THINK THEY'RE [[!$#%]]ING GOOD AT [[!$#%]]ING VIDEO GAMES EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALL JUST LITTLE [[I REALLY can't say that here]] WHO THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE THEY LIKE [[Plumbers]] MEANS THEY LIKE GOOD GAMES! HERE'S A LESSON FOR YOU, [[Little Sponge]]!

IF YOU LIKE [[!$#%]]ING [[Mayo]] THEN YOU ARE [[!$#%]]ING [[Sacks of potatoes]] AND NEED TO PLAY SOME [[!$#%]]ING GOOD GAMES LIKE [FIVE NIGHTS AT [[!$#%]]ING FREDDY'S! THAT GAME IS SO AMAZING! IT'S [[Spooky scary]] AND IT'S [[Deeper than the core]]! IS THERE ANYTHING MORE YOU COULD ASK FOR THAT? SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU [[!$#%]]ING GUYS! I [[!$#%]]ING HATE YOU ALL! FUCK YOU ALL YOU'RE ALL [[!$#%]]ING [[useless sacks of shit!]]!

YOU GUYS JUST LIKE [[!$#%]]ING SMASH FIGHTERS EVEN THOUGH THAT GAMES [[!$#%]]ING RIPOFFS OF [[!$#%]]ING HALO TO LOOK COOL LIKE WHO THE FUCK IS [[Samsung]] I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT HIM! HE JUST MAKES [[!$#%]]ING RIPOFF HALO WEAPONS LIKE THE [[!$#%]]ING MISSILES AND THE [[!$#%]]ING SPACE SHIT! SHUT THE [[!$#%]] UP ABOUT HATING ON THIS GAME! THIS GAME IS [[Deep in your MOM!]]

ok wanna [[Hear a story]]? Okay. So in this [[!$#%]]ing game, FNAF2, there's some [[Retro classic]] games that you can play, even though I would've kinda thought that they were shit since they were like really [[Musty]] and [[Ugly]] and [[Dusty]] , but they have really deep meanings. So you see this shit? So you see? You're chasing these... um [[!$#%]]ING um these [[!$#%]]ING chil-no you're chasing this [[Bad guy]], and it says [[Save them save them]] but [[You can't]]. Do you see how deep that is? DO YOU SEE HOW FUCKING [[Rolling down in the deep]] THAT IS YOU FUCKING [[Pipis]]- DON'T YOU [[!$#%]]ING RUN AWAY FRO ME! SHUT THE FUCK UP [[Pipis]]! I'LL [[!$#%]]ING ... (Kills Pipis) DIE!

Origin is VERY explicit btw, I just made this copypasta for fun.

[inklyqueen]

Literally all the critics are so up in their egos

Also Spoiler warnings for the Mario movie because I'm crying and yk it's opening day I'm not that kind of bitch

I don't think many of them understand that they've got it made rn, and they've never experienced the world some of us are living in

And I don't mean it in a mental health sense or anything, I mean in an actual survival as an adult sense

I was literally surprised by how much I related to Mario specifically. He's the oldest. I'm the oldest of six (under a technicality, two of them are my dad's girlfriend's kids but yk). I'm sure his parents have preached that he needs to take care of and watch out for his younger brother (I'm assuming they're still twins in this universe, Mario was always the older twin in the games and other lore), and I've been preached that too. I'm the same way with my siblings as Mario is with Luigi. Throw trash at my sister, see that happens. "The more you fuck around, the more you're gonna find out." And at the end of the day, my parents will be only in my memories at some point, and all I'll have left is my siblings, granted if I never get married, have kids, etc (God willing I hope, not the point though) It seems to me that Mario is incredibly aware of that too, that one day they'll both be at an age where it's literally only him and Luigi and that they may literally be the only one the other has.

What also struck me was the set-up they showed with the boys. They still live with Mom and Dad, still in their childhood bedroom(s?), just trying to find their footing, I assume they want to be independent of their parents. They put their life savings into a commercial to get their company off the ground. I'm assuming they didn't have very much in the first place, especially from the speech their father gave about how "you can't just give up a steady job for a dream," and how Mario (at least specifically I'm assuming) can't hold down a job in the first place. How he's the one that's bringing Luigi down, as if Luigi can't make a decision for himself, and Mario's like his legal guardian or something. It very much seems to me that they've literally leaned on each other for almost everything more than their own parents, and that's screaming volumes for me.

I still live with my parents, and I get the same grief as well over how I haven't gotten it all figured out still. C*vid was zero help, I wasn't even a year out of high school when it hit, I was just starting college and things were not going very well. I'm just now figuring out my degree program, what I want, trying to get my career off the ground, and getting money back in the bank. I can't afford rent, God no, and I'm blessed to have a job that covers tuition now.

But it seems to me that critics don't understand that. For some reason they want this incredible fleshed-out character arc, plot and overreaching plot, Oscar and Emmy winning from day one piece, and besides the fact that this is technically intended for children, some of the ones I've read are literally making just under upper-to-upper class pay and lifestyles by being that judgemental. They don't have to worry about gas (or the electric bills if they have an electric car) in the tank or food on the table or making rent. One said that they "failed to give Mario a personality" (paraphrasing), when literally I'm seeing myself and my survival struggles in this short moustachioed plumber with older sibling anxiety.

Which, I'm pretty sure he's got a mild touch of GAD, or maybe that's me projecting. I'm not a licensed anything. Also added bonus points because I'm shorter than all of the siblings that are at an age to have actual height. One of my siblings is in high school rn and she's taller than me by a good eight inches. I'm six years older than her.

I'm literally out here doing the best I can with a $200 Insurance payment coming and $80 in the bank.

So yeah. Mario is a really good character.

So thankful for him.

[ben10-daily]

Day 39

Part two of yesterday's daily

"Access Denied. System shutdown will occur in two attempts"

Psyphon slammed his fist down on the console in frustration. If he couldn't get the access code correct all of his planning would have been for nothing. It was even mire frustrating since he had already spent twenty minutes getting to this point in the security system and if those damn plumbers came back he'd be screwed.

"Alright Psyphon, times up"

That damn Tennyson was here. Of course he was, whenever someone caused problems that cursed brat would show up to save the day. With a press on his omnitrix Tennyson transformed in a flash of light into his tetramand form but it seems he didn't mean to transform into that species by the look on his face, which gives him a chance to strike. Activating his wrist laser Psyphon fires at Four arms grazing the side of his neck. Surprised at his own hit Psyphon fires another but Tennyson dodges the second strike.

Ben runs at Psyphon who just shot at him twice! He's lucky Ben doesn't kill people or he'd pummel him into the ground. Pushing away the thought of striking Psyphon down for good he grabs his wrist crushing the laser and lifts him up.

"Alright Psyphon. You're starting to piss me off, what's your angle for breaking into the plumber base at 2 in the god damn morning"

Now eye to eye with Tennyson he can see that the teen hero is not in his usual state and if there's something he learned from serving Vilgax is that if Tennyson is serious you had better not piss him off further. Deciding it's probably best for him to fold immediately he explained his plan.

"I was going to release the members of my gang, don't break my face please"

Ben sighs before throwing Psyphon to the ground, this is the reason he'd been calle out for? Jerry could handle this, no offense to Jerry. Now walking over the exit of the control room Ben contacts Rook.

"Psyphon is dealt with, he folded almost immediately. Get someone down here so I can get out of here and back to bed"

Within 10 minutes two plumbers from Alpha squad were cuffing Psyphon and Ben was on his way out of the base when he was stopped by Max. Unfortunately for Max, Ben did not want to stop and just wanted to head home.

"Where are you going Ben? You need to give a report of what happened down here. A full report, not just a two line summary of what happened"

Ben paused before answering, usually grandpa Max let him head home if it was a late night before he did the report in the morning.

"I'll just do it in the morning Grandpa, I'm absolutely wrecked."

Not too impressed at his Grandsons unwanting to do his job Max raised his eyebrow.

"You've put your reports off too many times Ben in situations like this Ben. Other plumbers manage it all the time so I'm sure the "saviour of the universe" can manage it"

Ben who was already becoming increasingly fed up almost snapped at his Grandfather's emphasis on his title. Keyword almost, fortunately he was able to keep a handle on his sanity for now.

"Look Grandpa, I was called out here at ass o clock in the morning to deal with Psyphon who cracked the second I busted his wrist laser. I did not need to be called out to deal with this so I'm leaving and I'll do the report when I'm here tomorrow"

Turning around to leave Max puts his hand on Bens shoulder to stop him.

"No, you'll do this the same way everyone else does even if I have to shut down the elevator for you to do it"

Even though he knew Max didn't mean the threat it was enough for Ben to lose his cool.

"Thus is the third time in the last week I have been called out for a minor situation that was thought to be an emergency and I am getting very fed up with how this is playing out. I'll fill out your stupid report but I won't be in contact for the next two weeks unless it's a world ending threat. Do you understand?"

Ben shrugs Max's hand off his shoulder and went to a nearby station and filled in the report before transforming into Big Chill to leave undetected, the less people who knew he had left the better.

Now back in his bedroom Ben decided to try something he would never do willingly. He was going to ask Azmuth for a favour.

"Omnitrix, contact creator, direct line"

Surprisingly the call was answered and Azmuths voice was heard from the omnitrix.

"This had better be important Tennyson if you're calling me on the emergency line"

"I need to go to dimension 23. I know you have an interdimensional portal or whatever it's called. I need a vacation of some sort and that's probably my best bet to still be productive while I'm gone"

Azmuth audibly sighed before he could be heard fiddling with something and suddenly a portal opened in Ben's room.

"That's a direct link to dimension 23. Call me again when you're ready to come back here"

Surprised that Azmuth didn't ask for an explanation or put up any sort of fight against using his dimension hopper for personal reasons Ben just thanked him before going to cut the line.

"Tennyson. Before you go just make you stay safe over there."

Ben smiled at the first thinkers words and promised he'd be careful, at least by his standards anyway.

Taking a deep breath before entering the portal Ben looked around his bedroom and walked through. It'll be good to see 23 again, and even better to have a break.

And that's a wrap. I hope you all enjoyed this two part fic of mine that may or may not end up becoming a full series at some point, who knows.

[somedayonbroadway]

Hi just wanted to say that I watched Now You See Me after reading your au idea and oh my god I never knew I needed this until now 😭😭 I need like an entire fic??? Oh my goodness ahh! also, maybe a consideration for another au: the old guard au? Keep up the amazing work! 💛💛

The Old Guard AU

A gang of mercenaries take missions across the globe trying to spread some good in a world full of evil and hate. For centuries these seemingly normal humans have been alive, using their miraculous healing abilities to rescue innocent hostages and stop wars from happening before they are set up by a CIA agent in over his head, desperate to find out what they truly are and a CEO hell bent on experimenting on them.

Jack Kelly as Andy

The team leader who has had enough of this evil world. He is the most careful of all of them, making sure there are no pictures of him for anyone to find. He was a Viking.

Racetrack Higgins as Nicky (Crusades)

A sniper and fighter, incredibly fast and undetectable. He met Spot in a war. They killed each other. More than once. Before they ultimately fell in love.

Spot Conlon as Joe (Crusades)

The muscle. He’s carefully calculated and determined. He would do absolutely anything for the man he loves.

Katherine Plumber as Booker (1812)

Katherine is the brains. She always comes up with the best and worst case scenarios, having her team's backs. She died in the war of 1812,

Smalls as Nile (2020)

A young soldier who gets killed on a covert mission in the military. She recovers miraculously. Jack saves her from being shipped off for testing.

David Jacobs as Quynh

A lost immortal trapped somewhere under the sea in a locked metal coffin. He was trapped during the witch trials. He was the first immortal that Jack found. The two fell in love but Jack has been unable to locate him since he was lost so long ago.

William Snyder as Dr. Kozak

A doctor hellbent on figuring out how to let people live forever.

Morris Delancey as Merrick

A power hungry CEO.

Kloppman as Copley

A misguided CIA agent who just wants to understand how to save lives.

AGHHH This movie is so good. I just watched it for the first time. If y’all wanna see any scenes from it, just let me know!

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