#he was struggling with depression (as was i) and we talked about his feelings at length.
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rose24207 · 2 days ago
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Heyyy!
I wanted to request a Lando x reader fic where the reader has been falling into her winter depression again and just sort of feels nothing and Lando helps her get out of it. with angst and some fluff x
I love you Lando fics btw they’re so good💗
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Winter depression
Summary: Lando helps his girlfriend navigate the numbness of her winter depression with patience, love, and small acts of care, reminding her she’s never alone even in her darkest moments.
Genre: angst, fluff
TW: winter depression
A/N: I relate sm to this honestly. The only difference is that I don’t have someone who helps me out of these winter depression:( anyways!!
English is not my first language. I hope you enjoy it though! Requests are open and welcome!
Masterlist
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The days grew shorter, the nights longer. The world outside your window had turned cold and gray, mirroring the numbness that had settled deep in your chest. You couldn’t pinpoint when it had started—maybe it was the chill in the air, or the way the holidays seemed to amplify the loneliness you felt.
Lando noticed before you said a word.
“Y/N,” he murmured one evening as you sat curled up on the couch, staring blankly at the television. “You’ve barely spoken today. What’s going on?”
You shrugged, not even glancing his way. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
His gentle but firm tone made your chest tighten. You didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to burden him with the heaviness you couldn’t even put into words. But Lando was persistent.
“Love, talk to me,” he said, sitting beside you and taking your hands in his. “You’ve been distant for days. Is it work? Family? Something I’ve done?”
His concern only made the ache worse. You shook your head, tears burning at the edges of your vision. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”
“It’s not nothing,” he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Is it... like before? Last winter?”
His question hit home, and you nodded, your voice breaking as you whispered, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Lando. I just feel... empty. Like nothing matters, and I can’t shake it.”
Lando’s arms wrapped around you instantly, pulling you close as you finally let the tears fall.
The following days were quiet. Lando didn’t push you to talk but stayed close, watching you carefully. He knew how this worked—you’d been here before, and he’d been there with you. He wasn’t going to let you fall alone.
He started small. Opening the curtains in the morning to let in the weak winter sunlight. Bringing you a cup of tea just the way you liked it. Sitting beside you in comfortable silence, his hand resting on yours.
On one particularly bleak morning, he coaxed you out of bed with the promise of pancakes. “Come on, love. They’re your favorite, with extra syrup.”
You hesitated but followed him into the kitchen, where he’d somehow managed to burn the first batch. His sheepish grin made you smile—just a little, but it was enough for him to notice.
“There it is,” he said softly, brushing a kiss against your temple. “There’s my girl.”
One afternoon, Lando insisted you go for a walk. You resisted at first, but he was unrelenting. “Just a quick one,” he said, holding your coat out for you. “Fresh air will do you good.”
The park was quiet, the trees bare and the ground dusted with frost. Lando kept his arm around your shoulders, occasionally pointing out something to make you smile—a dog bounding through the snow, a child struggling to build a snowman.
“Do you remember when we had that snowball fight last year?” he asked, grinning at the memory. “You cheated.”
“I did not,” you muttered, though your lips twitched.
“You totally did,” he teased. “You tackled me to the ground and stuffed snow down my jacket.”
The memory brought a genuine laugh to your lips, and Lando’s smile widened. “There she is,” he said again, his tone warm and affectionate.
One evening, you found yourself sitting by the window, staring out at the dark sky. Lando joined you, a blanket draped over his shoulders as he handed you a mug of hot chocolate.
“You know it’s okay to feel this way, right?” he said softly, his voice breaking the silence.
You looked at him, tears welling in your eyes. “It doesn’t feel okay.”
He reached for your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I know. But you’re not alone, Y/N. You’ve got me. Whatever it takes, however long it takes—I’ll be here.”
The sincerity in his eyes, the unwavering love in his voice, made the walls you’d built around yourself begin to crumble.
“Thank you,” you whispered, your voice trembling.
He leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Always.”
Little by little, the numbness began to fade. Lando’s patience and love pulled you out of the darkness, reminding you that even in the coldest winters, warmth could be found.
By the time the first signs of spring arrived, you felt more like yourself again. And as you sat with Lando on the same park bench where he’d made you laugh on that frosty afternoon, you realized how grateful you were to have him by your side.
“You saved me,” you said softly, leaning against him.
He shook his head, his arm around your shoulders. “You saved yourself. I just reminded you how strong you are.”
With Lando, you knew you could face anything—even the darkest winters.
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Thank you for reading!
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warblogs17282 · 3 days ago
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A look at Stolas' 'happy pills' withdrawal symptoms in Sinsmas.
So, I've been looking at withdrawal effects of antidepressants following Sinsmas, more specifically, SSRIs. More specifically, I found this section:
Symptoms that may feel like your original problem:
anxiety
crying spells
depersonalisation (feeling detached from your surroundings)
depression
disturbed sleep
fatigue (feeling very weary)
mania
mood swings
poor concentration and memory
suicidal thoughts.
Source for this can be found here:
Anxiety: Pretty clear to me that Stolas has always had at least some undercurrent of anxiety flowing within him throughout the episode, starting from his first attempt to call Octavia at the start of the episode. Plus it's also pretty clear during this scene that Stolas is definitely feeling quite a lot of anxiety, I would include the Moxxie and Millie fighting moments but you could explain that one away with Stolas not exactly being accustomed to Sinsmas traditions, even if his anxiety is heightened due to withdrawal symptoms.
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Crying Spells: 100%, we see Stolas break into two crying spells upon the realization that he is now poor, and another when the client sinner is recapping the story that led up to this point that hit almost exactly to home for Stolas.
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Depersonalisation: Yep, Stolas may have taken another dose of his happy pills by this point, although we weren't shown that on screen, but following the conflict with Octavia, in these two scenes you can just see how detached from the world Stolas is at those moments.
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Depression: It's been made pretty obvious that Stolas has depression, so I'm counting this one as a yes.
Disturbed Sleep: Don't think this one applies to Stolas.
Fatigue: Considering that a definition of the term 'weary' is 'very tired or lacking energy and enthusiasm', while this doesn't apply to Stolas all that much during the episode, there's definitely some spells of it throughout the episode, like this one for example.
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Mania: Looking at the same website here, there's a few things under the 'how you might feel and behave' sections for mania that I do believe applies to Stolas here, which is pretty much all contained within two scenes.
'Irritable and agitated': We have this entire scene where Stolas loses his shit over a spam call, mainly because he thought it was Octavia calling him back but still.
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'Very confident or adventurous': Would say adventurous applies to Stolas here, as most definitions of the word adventurous involve risk and/or danger, and well, in the line before this, Stolas very clearly identifies the potential risks he might be putting himself into by attempting to see Octavia, but goes ahead and does it anyways.
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'Like you can perform physical and mental tasks better than normal': Probably applies here due to the absolute beatdown Stolas did on Andrealphus during this scene.
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'Talking a lot, speaking very quickly, or not making sense to other people': Yep, see this scene again where Stolas proceeds to talk extremely quickly, which 100% does not make any sense to the other sinner within the room. This entire scene also probably counts for the point 'Saying or doing things that are inappropriate and out of character', plus 'Losing social inhibitions'.
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'Being rude or aggressive': yet again, see the scene I just mentioned, and the whole 'you could shut the fuck up' line. (Although she did deserve being told that ngl.)
'Taking serious risks with your safety': I cover this in the 'Very confident or adventurous' section just a few paragraphs above.
With all of this being what I think applies to Stolas during this scene in regards to mania.
Mood Swings: You see Stolas have quite a few mood swings throughout the episode, some of which I have already quite clearly shown throughout this post, 100% applies to Stolas.
Poor concentration and memory: Potentially, although I'm struggling to think of any specific examples and I'm not entirely sure if this scene would fall under this category.
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Finally, we have Suicidal Thoughts: Pretty heavy subject but I've said this before and I'll say it again, I'm pretty confident in saying that Stolas has quite high levels of suicidal ideation and/or is passively suicidal.
I love badass Stolas like the rest of you all do, but there's just something about Stolas facing death with absolutely zero fear that just screams to me that Stolas is passively suicidal, especially if we consider what Stolas did during Mastermind as well, however, I cannot fully confirm this at this time.
So while I cannot confirm that Stolas has suicidal thoughts going through him, I suspect that he might have because of my belief that Stolas has high levels of suicidal ideation and/or is passively suicidal.
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I gotta give this show credit for depicting mental health realistically, because they really knocked it out of the park with Stolas' withdrawal symptoms as well.
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princessofgotham777 · 2 days ago
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Dating Jason Todd (Part Eight)
fanfic type: angst, fluff, comfort (ongoing)
If you liked the Titans show but wish they handled Jason’s story line differently you might like this fic!
Hey so this is in fact my first time writing fanfiction (idk what my life has come to). Sorry if it’s cringy but also I would eat this up cause I LOVE some good angsty comfort fanfiction. I won’t write smut. I don’t think I’m gonna do requests but if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. Also of course I don’t own any DC characters this is purely fanfiction. Thank you and I hope you enjoy. (I hope you like run-on sentences💀) (if you don’t like it don’t be rude just move on dude😃🧍‍♀️)
So story line, this doesn’t really take place in any specific universe but I’m gonna be pulling concepts from Titans, Arkham Knight, The Batman, Under the Red Hood, and whatever lore I remember from the CW shows cause I grew up watching those, then just my imagination of course. Reader is referred to as she/her btw.
Warnings: talking about death, suicide, depression, torture (it’s not graphic I hate gore it’s just sad), talking about intimacy (not graphic), struggling with eating, topics of grief, violence, panic attacks, PTSD
Part Eight: Your Jason
You, Dick and Barbra go through the video frame by frame looking for clues as to where Jason is.
“That has to be Arkham,” you say.
“We cleared it,” Dick says.
“The video could be old,” Barbra suggests.
“It’s rained the past few days and only stopped today, you can’t hear any rain in the video so it has to be new,” you say. “We should go back to Arkham.”
“Barbra will you stay here and keep looking for clues in the video and Y/N and I will go to Arkham?” Dick asks. Barbra nods.
“Can you send me blueprints of Arkham?” You ask Barbra.
“Will do,” she says.
You and Dick get to Arkham and Barbra sends you the blueprints. You pull them up on a laptop.
“Okay X off every wing you searched,” you tell him. He begins to go through the blueprints and cross off rooms when suddenly, he freezes.
“What?” You ask. He says nothing, simply stares at the screen. “Dick what is it?”
“This wing,” he says as he circles it on the screen. “I don’t know what it is, it doesn’t exist…”
“What do you mean doesn’t exist?” You say.
“There was nothing there when we went through, I have no idea what that is,” he says.
“Idiot,” you mumble. You start running into Arkham and Dick chases after you. You get to where the entrance to the wing supposedly is. It’s just a brick wall.
“Are the blueprints wrong?” You ask him.
“No they can’t be,” he says. Dick presses his ear to the wall and knocks. “This isn’t a real fucking wall,” he says angrily. Dick grabs an old pipe lying on the floor and starts swinging at the wall. It cracks a bit. He throws the pipe once there’s a small hole in the wall and begins breaking the fake wall down with his hands. You and him climb through the hole in the wall. “Stay close,” he whispers. You unknowingly pass a motion sensor and suddenly the whole hallway lights up. Colorful lights line the hall and circus music blares. Your eyes widen as you see a something behind Dick. You point to a sign behind him that says, “follow the footprints.” The letters are written in blood. You look down and see a trail of bloody footprints. “Y/N wait!” Dick says. You sprint down the hall following the footprints. You run for about a minute then they end at a locked door. You try the handle but it won’t budge. You throw your body against the door in desperation but you’re just not strong enough.
“Dick!” You yell. Dick runs up behind you. “I can’t get the door open!” You say frantically. Dick throws his body against the door and on the third try it flys open. You run in to find Jason lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. You run to him, slip in the blood and fall. “Jason!” You say as you check his pulse. “Jason,” you cry as you cradle his head in your hands. His cold dead eyes stare back at you. Dick carefully kneels down and he reaches out to close Jason’s eyes. “Don’t touch him!” You yell as you hold Jason’s corpse. Dick walks over to the wall and unplugs the lights and circus music. You notice a “J” carved into Jason’s face. His face is covered in dirt and blood splatters, the only clean spots are where his tears have dried up. Your heart breaks as you look at Jason; your Jason.
“I called Barbra,” Dick says softly. You simply put your head on Jason’s chest and sob.
Before you know it the place is crawling with cops. Jason’s now under a white sheet and cops work around you tagging evidence. You walk over to Dick and say, “the cops shouldn’t be here, Bruce should fucking be here.”
“I don’t like the cops being here either, more than half of them are dirty,” Dick says. “As for Bruce I just got off the phone with him, he’s flying back tomorrow.” You say nothing, you just stare at the white sheet covering the love of your life. “If you give me your phone I’ll call Roy,” Dick says. You mindlessly hand him your phone.
“Call Thea, I don’t have Roy’s number,” you say. “Have you called Gar and everyone?” You ask.
“I will after I get off the phone with Roy,” Dick says.
He’s about to go into the hall when you say, “thank you Dick.” He simply nods and walks into the hall. Everyone is busy. You walk over to Jason’s body and lift the sheet enough to pull his stack of bracelets off his wrist. There was a black leather one with the logo of his favorite band, a braided green one Gar had made, a silver one with a small red ruby (you have a necklace with a small pink diamond which matched), and your bra strap you’d tied into a bracelet for him. You put the bracelets in your pocket and then cover his hand back up.
When you first met Jason when he rescued you from poison ivy you never imagined you’d see him again, and then once you met him you never knew you two would be so close, never imagined you’d fall in love, and you never thought you’d lose him.
Hey, I hope you enjoyed this fic, if you did remember to like. I appreciate any positive feedback, it encourages me to keep writing and posting parts. I love being dramatic and honestly don’t know why I didn’t write fanfiction sooner. I hope you are having fun reading this cause I’m having fun writing it. Check out my Masterlist if you haven’t read the other parts and want to. I have a lot more ideas for developing the red hood plot and backstory for how the reader meets Dick and Jason and becomes a titan so if your interested in staying up to date with the fics then please follow me. The next two days are going to be busy for me so if I don’t post just know I haven’t abandoned the fic (I’ll probably still post tho cause I tend to add to this when I’m half asleep super late lol) Happy holidays🩷
Here’s a link to my Masterlist if you want to read the other parts.
Masterlist
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months ago
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Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
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I do think Withers has a really subtle background character arc in bg3. Because at the start it is really clear he doesn't want to be here and he's being forced to clean up his mess by Helm and probably Ao. He doesn't really care either. Everything ends so nothing really matters, he'd like to go back to his paperwork now please.
Except he's stuck babysitting a bunch of traumatized dumbasses as they stumble into dealing with the most recent bad idea of his three fuck-up disappointments. So he brings them back when they die for a pittance, lets them pay for some vengeful ghosts to come back as flesh and blood to wreak bloody vengeance on the Absolute, and starts to... comment, on what's going on, as he follows them on their adventure.
Next thing you know Withers is like, doing things unprompted. He refuses to bring back Alfira (or Quil) but that's an act of compassion, keeping the poor girl from the Urge and letting her rest, his actual duty as a god of death. He tells Arabella to follow her destiny and does that thing to make her grief go away which honestly freaks me out but seems to be him trying to help her. He shows up at Moonrise and prompts us to consider why the Dead Three would want a bunch of soulless illithids that would give them no power, getting us to think of the big picture.
And by the end (especially if you do a resist!Durge playthrough) Withers is actively interfering and seems genuinely invested! He brings Durge back from the dead, free of their father! He encourages us before the final fight with the Netherbrain! He's real fucking smug that the Dead Three lost when he never seemed to care about the destruction they caused before! He throws a reunion party and many of his lines are genuinely touching or kind! Especially if a companion died permanently! He has tea with Gale's mom and Tara! He's like, socializing and shit! Yes, everything is temporary and we all die, but there's great beauty in fighting for that precious time and living it to the fullest!
Basically Wither's character arc is this meme, all because Helm made him go outside and touch grass.
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#bg3#like... thematically the characters are bg3 are all struggling with mortal frailty and meaninglessness in the grand scheme of gods#several of them are on a ticking clock to immediate death. the tadpoles themselves are a death sentence. others are being actively#hunted by their abusers or will be drawn back into a life that's no real life at all or told to kill themselves or seen as nothing but#disposable pawns in the game of the gods to be used and discard as if nothing#or are destined for objectively shitty afterlives#and what do they do? they fight it! tooth and nail! and try to live their best life here and now! they form bonds and fall in love#and help strangers or each other and have fun even for only the moment and cling to life by their fingernails#while also accepting death could be tomorrow or next week or decades from now because we all die but that's no reason to lie#and meekly accept it because some god said so#they care! they all care SO SO MUCH ABOUT LIVING! even if its tempting to give in to the nihilism they all try so goddamn hard#even on evil routes there's something so deeply human and vulnerable to how it all comes from caring so deeply#about wanting to live and survive and be loved and safe#listen to Wither's lines about the companions if they died. especially Karlach. do you get it? they made the GOD OF DEATH#JERGEL HIMSELF! feel something about the beauty of the mortal life in all its fleeting incandescent glory!#but also I think it's just that Jergel needed to leave his sad little crypt more and talk to people other than kelemvor#and Helm accidentally made Jergel less terrible by forcing him to socialize with the mortals#it's like never leaving your room as a teenager. it makes you depressed and sad and full of despair like an understimulated parrot#and like is Wither's being more invested in the affairs in mortals necessarily a good thing? maybe. maybe not. but he clearly is#so good on him. I think more gods should hang out with mortals in non-worship contexts. might give them some perspective#just pretend to be some random helper NPC#and this is all especially poignant when we remember Jergel’s past as Neutral Evil and the genuinely horrible things he’s done
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void-botanist · 10 months ago
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Rose's Kiss Week Day 5: Lonely
OCs: Marcus Asalun (aka Anchesh Pabat) and Gren Orech-Pabat
Words: 1335
Content warnings: mentions of family health issues
Notes: this takes place six months after Anchesh married his last spouse, human himbo Gren.
At the other end of the sofa, Gren sighed for the tenth time in as many minutes.  He was staring off at the other end of the room, chin propped up in one big hand, and more than likely didn’t even realize he sounded so despondent.  
“How are you doing?” Anchesh asked.
“I’m fine.  It’s just lonely without Yera.”
Probably it was best not to talk too much about Yera, because Gren would only get sadder if he started thinking about why Yera was out of town and how stressed she must be.  Instead Anchesh put aside his knitting.  
“I’m probably not as good at cuddling as Yera,” he said, moving to the cushion next to Gren, “but I’m here.”
Gren instantly pivoted and deflated into his lap, settling one cheek against his thigh and a hand over his knee.  Today Gren’s hair was held in a bunlike fold with just an alligator clip, which Anchesh gently pulled out and set on the open cushion beside him.  Then he combed his fingers back through Gren’s loose locks.
“I feel bad being lonely,” Gren murmured.  “Her family needs her way more than I do, and I’m not alone here.”
“You’re her family too,” Anchesh answered in the same low tone.  “And it doesn’t feel the same, not having her here.”
“Yeah.”  Gren squeezed his leg a little, like he needed something to cling to.  
Anchesh let Gren’s hair slip through his fingers over and over, massaging Gren’s scalp with each draw.  Truth be told, he was worried about Yera too.  She would be fine, unless her father got worse.  He probably wouldn’t die, not yet, but the wondering and waiting felt unsettling enough for him at home—it must be awful for her.  She was right to have the rest of them stay behind, except Hossan, because sooner or later they’d all be at loose ends and end up making her feel worse.  But he still wished he could be there to hold her and talk to her, probably just the same as Gren.  
“Maybe I don’t spend enough time with the rest of you,” Gren said suddenly.  “Especially you.”
“I don’t mind how much time you spend with Yera and Hossan,” Anchesh answered.
“Yeah, but—” Gren rose from his lap, slowly enough that he didn’t pull his own hair in Anchesh’s hands.  With his hair pushed behind his ears, he said, “I’m your husband too.  And you don’t get tired of me like Pali does.  I would leave you alone if you wanted me to but you’ve never told me to do that.”
Anchesh handed him the alligator clip.  “I mean, I’m happy to spend more time with you.  I just don’t want you to worry too much about it.”
Gren stared at nothing while he smoothed his hair back into a ponytail and clipped it there.  Then he continued looking at some spot further down the sofa.  “Anchesh...do you love me?”
It was a serious question that deserved a serious answer, but Anchesh was distracted by the plaintiveness of Gren’s voice.  Had this been worrying him for the last six months?  
Gren waited two seconds before adding, “Not like you love Yera or Umedes, but...”
He took Gren’s hand from his lap, and Gren looked up.  “I do love you, Gren.  You’re my friend.  And my husband.  And I’m glad I married you.”
“Really?”  He didn’t seem entirely convinced.
“Really.  I would have married you just for Yera and Hossan, but I like having you around too.  You’re so bright, and lovely, and you always make sure we have what we need.  And—”
“I think Pali does that.”
“Pali doesn’t keep everyone upbeat,” Anchesh said.  “And she’s definitely not good at making sure we all rest, especially not herself.  I think she’s gotten more sleep in the six months you’ve been here than she has since I married her.”  Gren didn’t say anything, so he kept going.  “We need someone who’s as thoughtful as you are.  I need someone who is.”  An almost melancholy gratitude welled up in him, and he tried to figure out how to put words to it.  He wasn’t sure that Gren understood how much he made life more bearable.  He wasn’t sure any of his spouses did, even though he didn’t know where he’d be without them.  He loved all of them, and he needed all of them, and on some level he needed Gren, the only one who wasn’t at least a little wrapped up in politics and particularities, most of all.  He put his other hand over Gren’s.  “You mean a lot to me, Gren.”
“Do you think you could say that more?  Not that, but like, ‘I love you’?”
When was the last time he’d told Gren he loved him?  Even if he didn’t remember exactly, he had a feeling it had been days, or weeks.  He’d decided without thinking about it that Gren didn’t really need to hear it, and he definitely didn’t need to hear it from him, arguably Gren’s least favorite spouse aside from Pali.  
“Of course I can,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of Gren’s hand.  “I’m sorry I haven’t said it very much.”
“It’s okay.”  Gren put his other hand on top of Anchesh’s.  Then he dropped his cheek against Anchesh’s shoulder.  
“You know you can always tell me about your feelings,” Anchesh said.
“You don’t tell me about yours,” Gren said.  “Except in bed, kinda.”
“Do you want to know about my feelings?”
“Yes!”  Gren lifted his head and his face was all exasperation.  “I know I don’t understand all of the things you do but I can understand how you feel!”
“Most of my feelings aren’t good.”  And it would be cruel to burden someone like Gren with them.
“I still want to know,” Gren said.  “I just want to be there for you, but I never know what’s going on with you.”
He’d given up on being there for Gren because it was obvious Gren didn’t need him, and he couldn’t keep track of the constantly shifting world he lived in with Yera and Hossan.  “While Yera and Hossan are gone, maybe we should focus on that.  Being there for each other.”
“I’d like that.”  Gren’s eyes fell to their hands, and Anchesh thought he could see a blush rising in his cheeks.  “I’d also like to kiss you more.”
“You can kiss me whenever you want.”  He felt like he meant that the most of anything he’d said so far.  Gren raised his head and went straight to softly touching his lips to Anchesh’s, his mustache tickling at Anchesh’s smooth-shaven upper lip.
On the next kiss his hand caressed the curve of Anchesh’s neck, and then he untangled his other hand from Anchesh’s and threw both arms around his neck, and when that apparently wasn’t enough he broke the kiss and fully straddled Anchesh’s thighs, hunching a little to reach his lips.  Anchesh tilted his head further back in turn, feeling the pleasant tension of his horns pressing against the back of the sofa.  Despite his position, Gren didn’t seem like he was trying to be seductive.  He kissed Anchesh to savor him, like he was fresh water on Gren’s parched tongue, a tongue carefully exploring the contours of Anchesh’s.  He was in no rush, and his skin was warm against Anchesh’s where they touched, Gren’s feet pressed against his knees, hands along the edge of his neckline, soft lips drinking him in.  Anchesh let his hands run back over Gren’s thighs, his hips, to the bare, fuzzy skin at his midriff, and held on there.  
When Gren pulled back at long last, his breath was edged with gasps, and so was Anchesh’s.
“I love you, Anchesh.  I love you so much.”
Without a word, they pulled each other close, Anchesh wrapping his arms around Gren’s back as he leaned forward to press his cheek against Gren’s shoulder.
“I love you too, Gren.”
RKW taglist: @vacantgodling @jezifster @kk7-rbs
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lovsome · 11 months ago
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i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested
#yesterday was kind of the wake up call#for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or#not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways#and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the#most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books#95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different#anyway i digress#my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her#i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to#keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally#like i was SOBBING#and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever#and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain#and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant#and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up#and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind#and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going#to the dentist….ok#and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening#like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply#and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so#and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this!#and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in#when u do have time because clearly u can send texts…#anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!
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deus-ex-mona · 2 years ago
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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facelesspassport · 1 year ago
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One of my firmest beliefs is that "safe spaces for men" will not solve the issue of male radicalization and patriarchy. If you want men to stop becoming terrorists you need to target the true source of misogyny: male socialization. Once a young boy is taught by his parents that women are inferior to him he is doomed to bigotry, because he lives in a world that will constantly reinforce this idea and reward him for agreeing. As for adult men who are already misogynists, the only way to convert them to feminism is to stop coddling them (and yes, I see all of the "safe spaces for men"/"male mental health" discourse as coddling). Coddling abusers only enables them (and yes, bigots are inherently abusers)! You can not convince an abuser to change by coddling/gentle guidance as this will only embolden them. We can only make men change by holding them accountable for their behavior as a class, period. I think that the best way to do this on a mass scale would be via reeducation camps, but we all know that westerners would see that as unethical somehow. So, our next best bet would be forcing our governments to create feminist programs that aim to do the following: stop domestic violence, "reform" abusers and rapists with court mandated abuser counseling, and educate young people on gender studies, safe sex, and relationship practices. China has a program called "the Ministry of Health and Family" which was created to stop misogynistic violence, and once it was instated their domestic violence rates plummeted. China did not create safe spaces for men to reduce terrorism- they held them accountable and it worked. We should follow in their footsteps. EDIT: I added screenshots and whatnot. nothing to see here, really Im just kinda seething.
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I took screenshots of these comments that i made under the original post because I just knew that OP would block me after I wrote this- not because its any harsher than the other replies (in fact mine was pretty tame compared to some of the responses) but because I am spitting straight facts and OP is a misogynist. I just wanted to repost them here for my own safe keeping and sanity ig. I didnt care for the idea of discussing this with OP directly since I knew they wouldnt be interested in a feminist POV, but I was hoping that my comments would be seen by the audience. It bothers me when people make these huge discourse posts and then block certain commenters solely because they dont want their friends to see the opposing responses. It especially bothers me in this case because as we speak OP is fiercely & performatively "debating" with TERFs who obviously wont change their minds- yet they blocked me immediately (though I wasnt interested in directly speaking with them) because they knew my comments made them look bad, and Im willing to bet that they told themselves they "felt unsafe" or something to justify it.
Like, just say you hate women and go... :EDIT over
There should be actual self-help spaces for men (and especially young men) that aren’t just alt-right recruitment centers.
As a person who was a dude the places I wanted to go to with kind people (usually queer people) had at least a few people saying that “men are trash” or “men are inherent dangers” with no pushback and it scared me.
I’m decently emotionally mature and realized that just because some outliers were assholes didn’t mean the whole place was terrible but what about younger or less emotionally mature boys? They see “oh men are trash” and see no pushback then think “Oh. These people do not like me for something I cannot change. These other people (Jordan Peterson fans) like me for who I am (they don’t but they say they do). I will go to the place I feel safer and happier.”
Without a kind safe space for boys then they will go to these toxic places. I used to read a good amount of posts on r/Teachers and a lot of them are saying the boys don’t respect them, love people like Andrew Tate, so on and so forth. This is what happens when the only “safe spaces” for boys aren’t actually safe.
#Trigger Warning for mentions of SA and bigotry in the tags#Creating safe spaces for men and censoring women will not break this cycle-- if it could#then the cycle would have already been broken tenfold.#feminists have tried to create safe spaces for men and they have spit in our direction for the last two decades#bc they literally DO NOT want a safe space if it means that they need to better themselves!!!#anecdotal example here:#I “lost” a male friend to inceldom a little while back and when I saw the signs I took significant steps to try to help him#he was struggling with depression (as was i) and we talked about his feelings at length.#i suggested he see a therapist many years ago- when we were in high school. then again when he was in college. then again when he graduated#he never went nor even looked into one. not once.#he was struggling with finding a girlfriend as well#so i also gave him pointers on how to get better with women and how to score dates and appear more attractive. he took NONE of my advice.#i had trouble finding girlfriends as well. and when i told him “its challenging for everyone” he didnt even acknowledge it#because he subconsciously felt that as a man he was owed a girlfriend- making his failure to find one “extra bad” compared to mine.#and every step of the way he kept claiming that i had "no idea what he has going through” because i was female#even though it is statistically way easier for a straight man (him) to find a girlfriend than it is for a lesbian (me) to find one.#and before i knew it he was telling me about the pickup artist books he was reading. and when i told him to stop he refused to listen.#and on and on and on. until finally one night he told me over the phone that his biggest fear was being falsely accused of rape#as a response to me telling him about my trauma with being raped by multiple men...#i realized in that moment that he was a full-blown fascist. i hung up on him and no longer speak to him.#looking back i realize that my attempts to help him failed because i could not undo his misogynistic upbringing.#i could not undo his idea that he was “owed” female companionship- nor the idea that his feelings were more important than those of others#so creating a safe space for him as his friend not only failed to help him but it backfired and traumatized me.#& hes NOT an outlier! similar things have happened to several men that I grew up with. all of which i tried to help and be a good friend to#bc misogynistic men do not want safe spaces or therapy or any of that. they just want to own women & hurt gender minorities with no pushbac#& they will never feel welcome in any space that does not allow them to do this. no matter how PC you are.#anyways#feminism#feminist#womanism
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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,
#tag talk#said out loud “I've felt drunk for the past week” and suddenly realized no you idiot that's dissociation#anyway. I've been floating on clouds for a while and I'm absolutely not complaining it feels nice#restarting my meds is maybe what's doing it.#going off and then back on my meds has just been a wild ride all around#oh well. I gotta stay quirky and weird somehow right?#I've been thinking a lot about my breakup and how it wasn't even because of anything except that I got bored of him#and even playing aoe with him is getting boring cause his skill level is way behind me#the only person who moves the same speed as me is my brother. so I'm gonna go with him wherever he goes#I do like him a lot. but also there's the knowledge that if I don't stick with him I'll be way more lonely#moving out with someone else would guarantee that I'm leaving the only person in life who actually gets me#and I would be depriving him of the only other person who even kind of gets him (I won't say I get him fully cause that's a lil arrogant)#idk. I don't dislike it. but I'm trapped nonetheless. my course in life is laid out for me because I have no one else.#I love him but I wish I had more than one person who I could stand being around longer than a few months#idk. I do feel more conscious right now. more aware. I'm glad I have him.#I just wish I wasn't so fundamentally incompatible with every other person except him.#we're damaged in very similar ways and so we match. even the rest of my siblings don't click with me the same way#I guess I'm lucky to have him. if I didn't I would be 100% dead right now#which... certainly would be the easier simpler option#but oh well. I'm cursed to live on this earth until he eventually offs himself#we have a pact that we're gonna talk about the suicide beforehand to turn it into a murder mystery or something#he said he wants my skull if I go first. which honestly would be cool as hell. I'd be happy with my skull sitting on his bookshelf#he wants to travel and he's lined up to have a good job to let him do that. so I think I'll end up coming along#idk. we're together for life because both of us are so incapable of making other meaningful friendships#even his closest friends bother him constantly and he struggles to connect with them#so we vibe in that regard.#sorry if this is depressing as hell. it's just.. idk. we both are likely and certain that we won't die of natural causes#but life keeps getting better. I've got plans to go back to nursing next year and I'm medicated so I should be able to make it through#I've had my current job for over a year which is a personal record for me so I'm kinda stoked about that#I'm getting bored of it but so it won't last forever but nursing should get me something new to work on
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keets-writing-corner · 11 months ago
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Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
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like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
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The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
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does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
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like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
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Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
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Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
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mamamanguito · 1 year ago
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it's crazy how not talking to someone you were really close to for like a month and a half can do to you
#so this friend of mine who struggles with depression started isolating themselves and stopped talking to me#we go to classes together and even tho we were literally sitting next to each other he didn't even said his hellos or goodbyes#i tried to respect their space but me struggling with abandonment issues as i am started spiralling out of control#i had several mental breakdowns because i felt and honestly still do feel alone and rejected and like a burden and yeah#and although we talked things out we just haven't been talking since#and I'm afraid our relationship will never be the same#i genuinely feel like i lost someone again#although i tried to be understanding after i got told that he doesn't considers me at all while going through things#which okay fair#I feel so silly and also terribly hurt by how time and time again the people i love and value the most just don't prioritize me at all#like I'm not even important enough to them#and honestly after talking about it we went back to not talking#so i tries to remove myself from that and just decided not to try to talk until they are ready to do so#so i can be a good friend#but honestly I'm not trying to be a good friend#i was just hurt and now I can't bring myself to try again#two months ago i thought of them as my closest friend#and now i can't even remember how it was#I can't remember how we used to talk#i don't think i can ever go back#and i feel bad for feeling this way#specially because i now they're going through tough times#but i can't help myself#i wish i could be more detached and normal#then maybe these things wouldn't affect me at all
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vrystalius · 4 months ago
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Hello hello, I was wondering if you could please write a story (Short scenario) with the Hashiras and maybe the three upper moons. Where the reader aka their S/O had a small fight and is currently ignoring them but then she needs something from them that makes here go there like "Can you please open this for me/help me with this". I just think it would be cute to see their reaction to the reader being all flustered about having to ask them for help.
(Take your time and stay safe i luv you~) 💛❤️💛❤️
Giving your boyfriend the silent treatment…
…until you need help opening something. (Includes both Hashira and Upper Moons)
Pairing: Sanemi, Kyojuro, Gyomei, Giyu, Tengen, Kokushibo, Douma, Akaza x fem!human!reader
Sanemi Shinazugawa
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Sanemi would grow incredibly frustrated when you use the silent treatment against him. He’d try to ignore you as well by crossing his arms over his chest and sit in a different room, back facing the door at all times. He can’t stop thinking about you brooding and being upset with him, wich in return, makes him even more angry! Gods, you’re infuriating sometimes.
But once you come up to him and ask him to open a new jar of jam, he’d try to look mad, even though he wasn’t.
“You sure got some nerve to ask me now.”
He tries to show you that he still is kinda pissed with you, but still loves you. Sanemi would grumble about your timing and attitude from before while wrestling with the lid. After struggling for multiple minutes and failing, he got upset again and just gave it back to you, grumbling.
“Ask someone else, damnit! Don’t annoy me.”
Kyojuro Rengoku
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Arguments are the worst for him. Kyojuro will feel and look like a distraught puppy who just got denied love for the rest of his life. He understands that you need space and will provide it, but the silent treatment is really breaking his heart. Kyojuro would sometimes try to start a conversation by asking about you what you’re doing or how you’re feeling.
He will feel absolutely delighted when you talk to him again. Of course he’d open a bottle for you! Happily so!
“Give it to me, I got it!”
Kyojuro popped the lid with ease and handed the bottle back to you, giving you puppy eyes and a bright smile. You seriously can’t ignore him anymore, it’s just too sad to see him depressed…
“Oh! You’re talking to me again! I’ve missed you, my flame!”
Gyomei Himejima
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Although he’s not fond of your methods of resolving conflict and considers them a little childish, Gyomei will oblige, for now.
He will give you the same treatment you’re giving him, but will still remain around your person. Gyomei’ll silently meditate or pray while you continue your antics, being just as quiet as you are. He’d ponder about arguments he could deliver to you to break your silence and resolve this issue, but before he could come up with anything, you come up to him with a jar of honey. After you ask him to open it for you, Gyomei would softly smile and take the jar.
“Of course, my pearl.”
He opened it with ease and handed it back to you, but before you could go back to whatever you were doing, Gyomei’d speak up again.
“How about we resolve our argument now? I do not want to continue to fight.”
Giyu Tomioka
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Giyu would unintentionally give you the silent treatment after arguments, and you decided to give one back. After noticing the lack of conversations and the sound of your voice, he’d feel more sad and try to avoid you all together to avoid even more conflict or your silent side glances. Giyu jumps slightly when you ask him to open a jar of fermented foods. He was incredibly surprised that you’d want to talk to him.
“Mhm. Give it.”
He… struggled with opening it. He tried around for two more minutes until he managed to open it with a spoon and using 80% of his strength. He feels embarrassed for failing opening something for you.
“You’re welcome.”
Tengen Uzui
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How unflashy of you to ignore him like this. Do you know how bratty you look like? Sometimes he just wants to stick out his tongue at you when you’re not looking. Tengen would sulk and complain to the other girls about you, but Hinatsuru, Makio and Suma stick to you and your petty silent treatment, but they’d stick to you and would ignore him as well. You’re all ganging up on him at this point.
But once you come back to him and ask him for help opening your favourite drink, Tengen would feign being helpful.
“Gimme that, I’ll open it for you, beautiful~”
He’d open the glass for you and then proceed to chug everything down in one go, right in front of you while making sure to stay out of your reach.
“That’s what you get for being bratty!”
(He was not allowed back into the bedroom that night)
Kokushibo
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You are being very immature. Kokushibo can give you the same silent treatment you are giving him, and he will outlast you by far. He will act very nonchalant about you ignoring him and will stop attempting making conversation after two tries. Kokushibo would return to his training or meditation, or sometimes even go on long missions to punish you even more for acting this petty.
Once you come back to him and ask him to open a jar of jam for you, Kokushibo will just stare you down silently.
“…..”
He proceeded to give you the silent treatment and not open the jar for you. You were left to fend for yourself. But at somepoint, Kokushibo could not watch you struggling to open the jar by using a sharp knife in hopes to get the lid loose. He snatched the jar out of your hands and opened it with ease.
“Here. Take it. Don’t try that again, you will injure yourself.”
Douma
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Your silent treatment is very entertaining to Douma. Is this your way to punish him? How funny! He will try everything to make you break your silence by annoying you. Douma will nuzzle into your neck, kiss your most sensitive spots, whine into your ear, complain about your behaviour, poke against your cheek and pinch your skin. C’mon, do something with him! Anything! Stop ignoring him! Douma just kept following you around, whining around like a child.
Finally, you he saw you struggling with opening a jar of tea herbs and offered to help.
“Need help with that, lotus?”
Douma snatched the jar out of your hand and opened in a matter of seconds, but didn’t hand it back. He wanted you to say “I love you” before he hands it back. You gave in while heavily rolling your eyes, but Douma wasn’t satisfied with that. After a back and forth, you finally satisfied him by saying “I love you my dearest, lovely Douma” in a sincere tone. In his eyes, he won your silent treatment game.
“I won! Awww, why do you look so mad? Here, take your herbs back…. No thank you? What, are you ignoring me again?! Come ooooonnnn…”
Akaza
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He was hurt and slightly scared by your silent treatment. Are you planning to leave him? Akaza would understand that. He’s rough, angry, a demon, prideful, not good with expressing his thoughts… the list of his flaws go on. Your silence is making him incredibly nervous and he let his nervous energy out during training and against the walls of the infinity castle until his knuckles bleed.
Then, finally, you approach Akaza with a problem: you can’t open your jar of candies. He felt himself smile slightly at your defeated face.
“So now you need me? Hm.”
Akaza casually tried slipping the lid off, but it was stuck. He felt his pride crumble bit by bit with everytime he tried opening the lid and failed. His anger rose and he slammed the jar against the corner of the wall, shattering the top of the glas jar off. The glass fell in onto your feet.
“… There.”
💠
This was one of my favourite requests so far! Thank you so much for requesting!! I’m currently working on How the Upper Moons would react to your affection, similar to what I posted with the hashira, so I was kinda switching back and forth between this and the other fic. Somehow, when I feel stressed, I’m the most creative and productive xD
Also, I absolutely love reading all of your comments and reposts. Some made me laugh out loud in public, so thank you for that!
Anyways, make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough!! <3
Take care of yourselves <33 I appreciate you all.
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itneverendshere · 7 months ago
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school spirit and all! - soccer!frat!rafe cameron blurb (+18)
warnings: future smut. paring: smart!reader x himbo!rafe; ps: this is just for fun cause someone asked me to post it (it was just a draft😬)
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you’ve never been one for academic sports spirit.
what’s the point? okay, your school has incredible athletes, that’s good, but why the fuck would you kiss and praise the ground they walk on? you’re a fantastic student and no one gives a shit. why do they get all the glory while brainiacs get zilch?
the double standards piss you off. somehow academics always take the backseat to sports. maybe that explained your dislike towards jocks like rafe cameron.
up until sophomore year, you’d only heard about him, saw him occasionally around school. it was understandable why people talked about him so often. he looked like he’d just been ripped off a page of an abercrombie and fitch catalog, and apparently – you’d never attended a game to check – he was the best player on the team, playing forward. but, unlike many, you didn’t form an opinion about him until you met him.
the verdict? total pain in your fucking ass.
ever since you two were paired in a class project together, an annual class at that, he suddenly took an interest in you, like you were some sort of exotic animal he’d never encountered in his life, only because you wouldn’t flirt with him.
outrageous, never done before.
for the first four months, it was just him laying on the cheesy pickup lines and you rolling your eyes so hard you thought they'd pop out of your head. eventually, rafe dialed it down and you were able to be civil, perhaps friends. if you could call it that.
wich is why, as his friend, you’re starting to lose your fucking patience. the season was not going well for his team. at all. there’s little to no chance they’re going to be able to win the championship.
not that you care, but apparently the whole school does. everyone seems to be on the verge of a meltdown.
“i swear to god if they lose to standford next week–“
“pope, will you kindly shut the fuck up? it’s just soccer.”
“just soccer?”
you let out an exasperated sigh, glancing over at pope who looks at you like you’ve just shot someone, “can we study? peacefully?”
"it’s not just soccer! it's about school spirit, camaraderie, y’know?"
you raise an eyebrow, unimpressed. "camaraderie? please. more like a bunch of testosterone-fueled egos chasing after a ball," you retort, disdain evident in your tone.
“you don't know what you're talking about. and i'm being dead serious, cameron’s been on edge lately. never seen him like this."
you lean back in your chair, crossing your arms. "yeah, well, losing does that to people. don't why you're complaining soooo much" you sigh, "i’m the one who has to put up with all the brooding and pouting.”
pope’s quiet. too quiet. you can picture the gears turning in his brain as he blankly stares at you. nothing good ever comes out of that.
“what?” you press, wondering if you have to break the school spirit out of him.
“you should fuck him. after or before, don't care. but you should."
you recoil, nearly tumbling out of your chair at pope's suggestion.
your eyes widen in disbelief, your mind struggling to process what he just said. for a moment, the room spins around you, and you feel like you’ve been thrust into some surreal alternate universe.
“what?! pope?" you finally manage to sputter, acting like you're about to go into cardiac arrest, "the fuck's wrong with you?"
“don’t look at me like that,” he merely shrugs, “that man is depressed. he needs to get laid if he’s going to win something.“
you hardly think a guy like rafe is not getting laid every other day, but that’s irrelevant. your jaw drops, stunned by his audacity. "are you kidding me? you don’t even like him!”
“but i like winning!” he whines, all but pushing his books aside to place in his elbows on the table, “and he’s so obsessed with you it hurts watching. he’s like one of those little crusty white dogs always running after you.”
you shake your head in disbelief, "he does it to be funny, okay? he’s not actually interested.. t's just a joke”
your best friend only laughs, a raucous, almost maniacal sound that echoes through the room. he clutches his stomach, "just joking?" pope gasps out, his laughter still bubbling to the surface. "oh man. you're hilarious, honestly, wow."
you stare at him, lips set in a straight line, feeling like you missed the entire joke. "what's so funny?"
pope wipes away a fake tear, trying to compose himself. "he almost ripped a new one to jj after he pulled that stunt last semester.”
your eyebrows knit together in skepticism. “and? i still don’t follow.”
rafe and jj couldn’t stand each other. both are incredible athletes and everyone always gushes about how great they are together on the field. outside, however? not so much. they don't mix. ever.
“and?! why do you think jj randomly talked about you in the locker room?”
“because he’s a horny creep and got a kink for fist fights with undressed men?”
you love jj. really, you do. but sometimes he’d win a lot more if he just kept his mouth shut or thought before speaking. you've lost count of how many times that boy has been suspended.
pope leans in, his tone low and conspiratorial, “cameron practically threatened to rearrange jj's face if he ever mentioned you again.”
you narrow your eyes, “nop. you’re making that up.”
pope shakes his head, a grin playing on his lips. "nah, i'm dead serious.”
your mind races, trying to piece it all together. while your brain always clicks instantly in class, feelings...emotions are a little more complicated to grasp sometimes.
"wait, so you're saying he actually cares about me?"
he nods, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "yep.”
“seriously?”
pope chuckles, leaning back in his chair. "head over heels. you’re our school’s only hope.”
your brain's on overdrive trying to process pope's bombshell revelation. rafe cameron, the big-shot jock, actually giving a fuck about you? it's like some twisted plot line from a teen drama. you didn’t see this one coming. but then again, you hardly pay attention to anything outside academics.
“so what? ’m supposed to fuck the mediocrity out of him?”
he grins, clapping you on the shoulder, “there’s that school spirit!”
you slap his hand away, “oh fuck off. ‘m being serious.”
he’s still grinning like he just cracked the code to life. "come on, hear me out. it's like a strategic move, y’ know? boost his morale, boost the team's performance. win-win."
you roll your eyes, not buying into his scheme. "yeah, because my sex habilities are definitely the key to winning soccer games."
he shrugs, undeterred. "it's not like you'd be doing it for him. it's all about the greater good."
you scoff, rearranging your notes for the millionth time, "this isn't some feel-good sports movie."
it’s not like you never thought about rafe. sure, he's a yapping idiot around you most of the time, but every time you need help or an extra hand, he’s always the first one to offer. that has to count for something, right?
“the ball’s in your court.”
yeah it is.
truth to be told, you’ve been sick and tired of rafe acting like a loser over soccer. what was the point in whining about it if he wasn’t going to try and do better? god, you'd never seen him like this before and it's been irking you to beyond. even more now that pope mentioned it again.
at this point, you just want to march up to him, shake him and make it come to his senses. you can’t even remember that last time he tried to hit on you. that’s how bad it is! the memory is buried under the weight of his brooding.
so maybe….maybe pope's onto something, y'know? maybe there's more to it than just you and rafe. and yeah, okay, you're not exactly thrilled about the idea of hopping into bed with him, but only because you’d hate the attention that comes along with his name.
but...a part of you is weirdly intrigued. not because you're dying to be his next conquest, but because you're just done with watching him drown in his own misery. maybe this could be the wake-up call he needs. a swift kick in the ass to snap him out of his funk.
you wouldn’t be doing out of selfish reasons! school spirit and all. you’d be doing everyone a favor. and you wouldn't need to blame it on yourself if things went downhill.
you had pope for that.
which is why you’re standing in front of rafe's room in his frat.
a jock and a frat boy? charming. you’ve certainly hit the jackass lottery. but you’ve been here before. he always saved the day when the library was packed or when your roommate was too busy fucking her boyfriend in your dorm room. this was weirdly your safe place to work.
taking a deep breath, you rap your knuckles against the door, trying to ignore the butterflies doing somersaults in your stomach. it's not about you! get a grip.
the door swings open, and there's the fucker, all brooding and rugged, like he just walked off the set of a sports movie. you roll your eyes at the cliché, but there's something weird about the way he looks at you. or maybe the tight wife-beater is doing a number on you.
you still notice the bags underneath his swollen eyes.
there's a flicker of surprise in him, like he wasn't expecting to see you, out of everyone in this school, standing there and you can't blame him; after all, you're not exactly a regular visitor to the frat house, only when your academic needs force you to.
“hey?”
“you look like shit, cameron.”
rafe's eyebrows raise in surprise at your blunt remark, “uh, what?”
you roll your eyes resisting the urge to scoff. "can i come in or are you going to stand there looking like an idiot all day?”
rafe chuckles, stepping aside to let you into his room, “come on in.”
you step inside, taking in the cluttered room with a mixture of amusement and mild disgust. it was never this bad before, you know rafe’s a clean freak and this? this is not him. but it is exactly how you imagined a frat boy's room would look like—dirty.
there’s laundry strewn across the floor, empty beer cans littering the desk, and a distinct musky smell lingering in the air. you shake your head in disbelief, shooting rafe a disapproving look.
"what are you? a divorced forty-five-year-old man?”
rafe laughs at your comment, though there's a hint of embarrassment in his expression as he scratches the back of his neck. "yeah, i know. sorry about that."
he’s doing worse than what you realized and it tugs a little at your heartstrings.
you raise an eyebrow, unconvinced by his apology. "sorry doesn't cut it, cameron. you should be ashamed of yourself.”
"okay, fair point. i'll clean up, promise."
“not just your stupid room. i mean your whole attitude. you've been moping around like a loser!”
rafe's expression shifts, defensiveness crossing his features. "hey, ‘m not—"
"don't even try to deny it," you interrupt, not backing down. "everyone’s noticed. you’re pissing me off.”
you don’t know why you’re suddenly so tempted to give him the scolding of a lifetime, but there’s just something about seeing someone with so much potential and drive wasting it all away without a fight. it’s not like him.
and by the kicked-puppy look on his face, you can tell he's not used to being called out so openly. but you're dead set on breaking through to him, no matter how awkward it gets.
“see! you’re just staring at me like—like, a fucking idiot!”, you fire off, frustration lacing your tone. the irony of the situation isn't lost on you. “will you speak for gods sake? for more than five seconds? i spent months trying to get you to shut up and now you do?”
rafe's stunned expression makes you second guess your approach for a moment, but you push the feeling aside, knowing you can't afford to let sympathy cloud your purpose here.
“why are you mad at me?”
you can't believe he's still clueless after all this time.
"why am i mad at you?" you repeat incredulously, feeling the irritation rising your my chest. "seriously, rafe? have you even looked in the mirror lately?"
he blinks at you, his confusion evident, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes.
"you've been moping around like the world's about to end.”
rafe's brows furrow even further, and for a moment, you wonder if he's playing dumb or if he genuinely has no idea what you’re talking about. "i don't—uh, i don't understand," he finally stammers out, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
that’s it.
you’re gonna pull the feelings card and hope it doesn’t backfire.
“do you like me?” you blurt out, the words tumbling out before you can stop them.
rafe snorts as he lifts his finger to scratch his face, “course i do. pretty obvious.”
for a second you get a glimpse of the real rafe and it soothes you inside.
“and you want to fuck me?”
you’ve never seen him look so gobsmacked in his life, you’d laugh in his face if it wasn’t such a serious matter.
“what?” he stammers, his cheeks flushing slightly. you can’t believe the rafe cameron is blushing. over you.
you let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through your hair. "do you want to fuck me? do i need to spell it out for you?”
he opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out, and you can't help but feel a twinge of satisfaction at finally catching him off guard, “’m sorry? is this—are you…is this for punk’d?”
"punk'd? seriously, rafe?" you snap, incredulous that he would think this is some sort of prank, “it’s 2024.”
rafe's cheeks flush an even deeper shade of red, and he stammers again "no, i mean— i just...didn't expect you to— uhh”
“yes or no.”
rafe blinks at you before breathing out, “yes.”
“okay. so win your next match and you will.”
he looks at you like you’ve grown a second head, exhaling through his nose, trying to keep his agitation to a minimum. “what?”
“i’m sick and tired of this version of you. i need you to win, and if this” you gesture to the both of you with your hand, “is your motivation, then we’re doing it.”
"y’serious?" he takes a step closer, his demeanor suddenly more serious, “me and you?”
you nod firmly, crossing your arms over your chest as you tilt your head up to look at his features, “dead serious. and it’s not just you and me. it’s for the team, and for the school spirit or whatever nonsense pope keeps going on about."
rafe lets out a small chuckle, a hint of his usual cocky confident demeanor returning. "is that so? can't say no to that kind of motivation."
“i figured.”
he reaches out a hand, his fingers lightly grazing the strands of your hair, eyes fixed on your lips. "are there any rules?”
you swallow hard, feeling your heart race at his touch. “no, just win.”
rafe's lips curl into a playful smirk— the money-making smirk that makes you want to punch him and kiss him, not necessarily in that order — as he leans in closer, his breath warm against your ear.
"never would've guessed you'd be the one to offer yourself as my motivation, though," he murmurs, his voice sending a shiver down your spine, "i'm surprised."
you try to maintain your composure, but his proximity is making it increasingly difficult to think straight. "just doing what needs to be done," you manage to stammer out, trying to sound perfectly unaffected by his words.
rafe chuckles softly, his hand still lingering in your hair as he leans back slightly to look at you. "my pretty prize, huh?" he says, his tone teasing as he brushes a strand of hair away from your face.
you feel a flush spread across your features at his boldness. you blame him entirely for this side of you. without thinking, you reach up to brush your fingers against his cheek, tips pressings against his skin lightly.
“just win the fucking match, cameron."
rafe's nasty smirk widens into a heart-stopping, soul-gripping grin as he leans in closer, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours.
"consider it done."
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pathologicalreid · 3 months ago
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𖤓 margotober masterlist 𖤓
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in an act of insurmountable indecisiveness, i couldn't choose between flufftober, angstober, and kinktober. naturally, the only solution was to find a way to participate in all three. previews will be posted a week at a time because my indecisiveness extends to my inability to choose what fics to post.
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fluff 𖤓 angst 𖤓 smut
october 1st - caretaker
↳ in which you take care of your fiercely independent boyfriend after he gets shot in the knee
october 2nd - always, i'll wait
↳ in which Spencer dedicates himself to pulling you out of your depressive state
october 3rd - wake me from this dream
↳ in which you've been struggling to come to terms with the kiss between Spencer and Cat, and you've finally reached your breaking point
october 4th - with your hands tied
↳ in which you and Spencer continue your kink education, with a hands off approach
october 6th - the build up
↳ in which you and Spencer spend an entire day just waiting to make it to the hotel room
october 7th - what to expect
↳ in which you find yourself frustrated at the end of your pregnancy, and Spencer talks you off a ledge
october 8th - kryptonite
↳ in which all roads lead to Spencer's apartment, at least they do for jareau!reader
october 9th - don't get dark
↳ in which you disclose an attack to Spencer, and he assures you he's not going anywhere
october 10th - cocoon
↳ in which your life is put in danger during an otherwise routine case, and you haven't even told Spencer about the baby
october 11th - diphenhydramine
↳ in which reader has a hard time getting to sleep at night, leading to Spencer's step by step instruction of which hormones help you fall asleep
october 12th - all we ever do is talk
↳ in which Spencer and wife!reader fear they're getting boring, so the BAU sets them up with a hotel suite for Spencer's birthday
october 14th - sanctuary
↳ in which hotchner!reader reunites with the BAU after her time in WITSEC
october 15th - pyrophoric
↳ in which Spencer seeks the help of a chemist to help with his research into white phosphorous
october 16th - wavelength
↳ in which your son ends up in the hospital on one of the BAUs busiest nights of the year
october 17th - heart to heart
↳ in which hotchner!reader is set to have heart surgery, and Spencer can't help but be concerned for her
october 18th - love song for lady earth
↳ in which reader has her first experience with munch!spencer
october 19th - home run
↳ in which Spencer and jareau!reader finally get the opportunity to take the next step in their relationship
october 21st - ode to a conversation stuck in your throat
↳ in which Spencer tries to talk you out of taking a job across the country
october 22nd - here with me
↳ four times Spencer feels out of place in your house after being released from prison, and one time it's like he never left
october 23rd - burn notice
↳ in which your workplace is targeted by a group of extremists, and Spencer tries everything to keep you safe
october 24th - lock and key
↳ in which an act of violence - and subsequent serious injury - brings the truth to the surface and initiates a change
october 25th - in an arrow heart
↳ in which Spencer finds himself distracted by you during an otherwise routine outing to O'Keefe's
october 26th - come a little closer
↳ in which you and Spencer have sex for the first time since his release from prison, and more importantly, since Cat told him what happened in Mexico
october 28th - little duck
↳ in which Spencer is too excited about his first Halloween as a dad to remember he's supposed to be celebrating his birthday
october 29th - missed calls
↳ in which Spencer answers Hotch's daughter's phone when he calls to check in after a case
october 30th - prisoner
↳ in which you and Spencer conduct a custodial interview with a death row inmate - Spencer's first since he was released
october 31st - hysteria
↳ in which the BAU is called into a case in rural Appalachia when bodies start showing up in an abandoned insane asylum
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kerink · 2 months ago
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the thing that's been most surprising to me with mouthwashing so far is how little empathy people are willing to extend to curly. and i don't mean this in a piss on the poor way, i'm deeply saddened and genuinely confused by it.
when i first played the game i was at one of the lowest points i've been at in a really long time. my mental health is bad my physical health is bad. i experienced SA a year ago and was recently diagnosed with cancer. i have 2-5 doctors appointments every week with various specialists.
all the while me and two of my doctors are talking about if i need to make a career change that's going to best support my poor health and improve my overall well being. and my family and friends struggle to understand, because i have a doctorate and a good job and live on my own. everyone looks at my life in awe, and they don't understand why i'm unhappy. they tell me so every time i try to explain it.
so when i played i immediately identified with curly. here is a man who's deeply depressed, having hallucinations, trying to reach out to his best friend for support but just has his words thrown back in his face, doesn't want to burden anya with his stuff because she has her own stuff and he wants her to lean on him, he has all these responsibilities and people look up to him and rely on him and have these ideas about him. the highest wrung of their ladder is the lowest of his, and they have no way of conceptualizing why or how he's unhappy and dissatisfied. before the reveal that he's innocent, i completely understood why he attempted suicide.
and then he develops a new disability.
when jimmy goes to crash the ship, he uses curly's unhappiness to try to convince him a murder-suicide is a good idea, and it works. it buys jimmy enough time to get to the cockpit and crash the ship. curly's too in his own head to realize what jimmy meant because jimmy distracted him with how bad his life is. it isn't until the sirens start that curly snaps out of it and it clicks for him what jimmy's done.
i'm not going to re-litigate the issue about if curly could have done more for anya because i've said pretty much all i have to say on it already.
but we really need to highlight that in addition to his lack of tangible choices, he's sleep deprived, deeply depressed, and hallucinating. this is not a man in his right mind making his best choices.
and over and over again i see people refusing to extend him any empathy, to call him a bystander. does a man who says he'll do anything to help and who wanted to be there when anya broke the news and who does his best to play liaison between anya and jimmy sound like a bystander? he let anya keep the gun case! he knew having it would help her feel better!
how good of a friend have you been when you were in your pit of despair? how much were you able to pour into others when your glass was empty?
anya wanted her and curly's support to be reciprocal. if she has enough psych training to do the evals, and having been thru nursing school, she's probably well aware that she and curly need to both be pouring into each other if either of them are going to be any good to anyone. but curly is so determined to defend and protect anya he won't confide in her, despite the fact it's running him so thin that he almost takes jimmy's bait that suicide is a good idea.
i don't think we need to absolve curly of his responsibility. i don't think we should over look his role as an enabler. i don't think we should discredit or discount analyses of his failures. but i'm so tired of people actively avoiding getting in his shoes, getting in his head, reflecting on how they've acted in the past when thinking and feeling similar ways. our worst moments don't make us monsters.
it makes me so sad. and frankly it makes me feel like all the times my family hasn't understood when i've tried to reach out. curly is screaming in agony and just like jimmy we're just trying to keep him quiet because it's too complicated to deal with.
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