#he was so not ready to talk to Ed about whether he was okay with the killing

[stargirl-and-potts]

Stede has always got a clear measure of his opponent and made his moves deliberately. But he was so clearly not ready for a duel with Zheng. And he didn’t look overconfident. He had tears in his eyes when he challenged her. Was he telling himself he could handle it to prove something to Ed? To the thought of him asking Stede if he’s okay? To the memory of his dad? To the crowd’s approval? Or was he goading her, the way Ed goaded the crew in the storm?

[oldiesstationlover11607]

Bullies - Peter Parker x fem!reader

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None! Super fluffy <3

Word Count:

Description: Peter comforts reader after a hard day at school. It can be any Peter btw but I imagined it as Tom :)

Peter knew things at school weren’t good. They never had been. I had six weeks left before I graduated and we’d been counting down the days together, despite being at different schools. Peter was the smart scientific boy who I’d met at the library and I was the music obsessed girl who was brutally bullied for who I was. I’d been shoved up against a locker before my English class by Carson, the boy who was committed to ruining my life. I had banged my head badly and was sent to the nurse’s office after passing out in the lesson. My mom had been called and I was sent home. After watching a couple episodes of (your favorite tv show), there was a sharp knock at my window. Spider Boy. Peter. I stumbled out of bed to unlock and open the window so he could come inside. 

“What are you doing in bed?” he asked, crawling in next to me. I rubbed my eyes, hoping the throbbing sensation would stop. 

“I came home from school early. Had a headache,” I muttered. He knew full well I never got headaches, which was reflected by the conflicted look on his face. 

“Tell me the truth y/n, why are you in bed at 3:00?” I tried to figure out a decent lie but had absolutely nothing. Maybe I’d fallen down some stairs, maybe I’d accidentally broken my nose in dodgeball. He wouldn’t believe that, he knew I never showed up to phys ed. 

“Remember how I told you about Carson?”

“Oh so that’s why you currently have a black eye and a half,” he seethed. Well guess that answered the question of whether I looked as bad as I felt. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“I’d rather not,” I responded, cuddling closer to him. His arm was around my shoulders, body turned into mine.

“Did he hurt you?” Of course he hurt me. No one else would’ve done this to me. 

“I just said I don’t want to talk about it,” I looked up into his glowing brown eyes, not able to tell if he was worried or raging. 

“Fine, we don’t have to talk about it. But just know Spiderman is going to have a very stern conversation with Mr Carson,” Peter spoke with severe clarity, “he’s not going to hurt you again y/n.” I knew he meant what he had said. We sat there in silence while my computer continued to play (your favorite tv show). He watched the episode with me, occasionally asking questions so he could catch up. Once the episode ended I turned off my computer and put some music on. 

“How was school today Pete?” I asked. School was much easier for him, his teachers actually cared, he had his friends MJ and Ned, and he didn’t need to study to get an A. 

“Not too bad, we’re just getting ready for finals and prepping grad stuff, y’know,” he explained. I nodded, excited for the short period of time we had left before college. 

“What time do you have to get home?” Aunt May always knew Peter was at my house, but she had standards, especially knowing Peter was Spiderman, and a high schooler. 

“Like 10:30, we’ve got time,” he pressed a kiss to my temples and ran his fingers through my hair. I could feel the tension in the air, I wanted so desperately to cry over the day, over how much pain I was in. 

“I’m going to hurt you y/n. I’m going to hurt you as much as I can. And once school is out I’m going to fucking kill you,” Carson had whispered into my ear as he pressed me into the lockers. I could still feel the padlock being pressed into my back. My eyes started to water and a few tears slipped onto Peter’s shirt. 

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” He sat up and held me back so he could get a proper look at my face. I shook my head, letting the floodgates slip.

“H-he told me he was going to kill me Peter. I can’t go back there,” I sobbed. He pulled me in close, his forehead resting against mine. 

“He won’t lay another hand on you ever again. I mean it y/n.” I could feel the tension in his body. 

“You promise?” I cupped his jaw, my fingers resting behind his ear. 

“I promise. I’ve got you.”

//

Please submit any requests y'all have! I love to write so let me know if you've got any!

@urmykindofwoman let me know if you like this! I haven't written to Peter in a wee bit

[honestlydarkprincess]

so let the words slip out of your mouth

buck & eddie || rated: g || wc: 1.7k || read on ao3

Buck wasn’t trying to hide from Eddie. Really, he wasn’t. It’s just….every time Buck tried to get the words out he clammed up. He was pretty sure that Eddie thought there was something wrong with him, he’d been giving Buck increasingly worried looks over the last couple weeks.

Eddie had overheard Hen telling him that she would add him to the queer LAFD group chat— not she had said what the group chat was for at the time— and he’d given Buck a weird look, as he knew how much Buck hated group chats. Buck was also sure that Eddie had noticed the look on Bobby’s face when he looked at Buck sometimes, like he was proud of him, happy for him. It never failed to warm Buck from head to toe but he knew it made Eddie curious. The worst was probably Chimney, who, after a few too many weird goodbyes, had stopped saying bye altogether and had taken to saying adios.

So Eddie definitely knew something was up with Buck, but Buck was pretty sure he didn’t know what.

Buck was sitting at his table, staring into space as he contemplated how to tell Eddie. Tommy had just left— they’d had a nice romantic date before Tommy had to leave due to an early shift the next morning and Buck was still giddy over their date. Things were good between him and Tommy. Solid. They’d only been dating for a few weeks but Buck was over the moon and he was really excited to see where things were going to go between them.

A soft knock sounded at his door, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Buck went to answer it, figuring it was Tommy. “You forget something?” He asked as he opened the door.

Only it wasn’t Tommy, it was Eddie. “Hey, Buck. Can we talk?”

“Y-yeah, of course,” Buck stumbled over his words, moving to the side so Eddie could come in. Buck swallowed roughly as he shut the door behind him. Looks like they’d be having this conversation whether he was ready or not. “What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie just gave him a look. “You know what.”

Buck sighed. “I wasn’t trying to hide it from you, Eds. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Eddie pressed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “If I’m being honest, Buck, I don’t really know what’s going on. I just know that everyone at work is acting weird, like they’re in on this secret and I’m not, and I’ve tried to figure it out, trust me. But I can’t. What could be so bad that you can’t tell me?”

“It’s not bad, I promise,” Buck said earnestly. “There’s nothing wrong, I’ve just…figured some things out.”

“Okay…” Eddie trailed off, looking at Buck when he didn’t elaborate. “What things?”

“It’s that— I’m—” Buck tried, swallowing against the lump in his throat. His heart was beating so fast, just like it had the first time he came out. You’d think all the practice he’d had would have made it easier but something about coming out to Eddie made everything feel so much more.

“Is it that you’re hanging out with Tommy? I saw him leave. You guys don’t have to hide it,” Eddie said, his brow furrowed. “It’s not like I’d be upset. A little bummed that I’m not invited but not upset,” Eddie chuckled, although his laughter trailed off when Buck just stood there.

“Tommy and I…” Buck started, clearing his throat. “We are hanging out but we’re not friends.”

“How does that work?” Eddie looked adorably confused.

“Eds, we’re dating.”

“Oh,” Eddie said, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Buck said, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “So I’m…the news is that I’m bisexual. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Eddie was quiet for a moment, digesting the new information while Buck fidgeted in front of him. “So…when we ran into you at the pizza place…you guys were on a date, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, it was our first,” Buck mumbled, unable to keep a small smile from gracing his lips. The date had been a little tense and a whole lot awkward when Eddie and Marisol interrupted but then Tommy had walked him back to his door and kissed him and Buck had melted, throwing himself into the kiss. They’d found their footing and it hadn’t been awkward since.

“Shit, Buck, I’m so sorry, we totally interrupted,” Eddie looked dismayed.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Buck reassured.

“I’m still sorry,” Eddie said quietly. “And I’m sorry for storming over here and basically forcing you to tell me. You clearly didn’t want to and I made you and I’m just, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, no,” Buck said, his brow furrowing as he took a step closer to Eddie. “You didn’t make me do anything, I was always going to tell you, I was just having a hard time finding the words.”

Eddie let out a sigh of relief and closed the distance between them, pulling Buck into a bear hug. Buck hugged back just as tightly, letting out a shuddering breath when Eddie whispered, “I’m proud of you, Buck. Thanks for telling me.”

“You’re welcome,” Buck mumbled back. A quick fleeting thought dashed across his mind that Eddie’s arms felt so good around him, something he’d always known but now it was at the forefront of his mind. It felt different now and Buck felt a tendril of confusion. Why did hugging his best friend feel different now? Why did it feel better? Like something was slotting together? Buck shook his head as he pulled away from the hug, trying to physically shake away the thoughts. He wasn’t ready to think about that. “I’m surprised you’re here so late, where’s Chris?”

“Ah,” Eddie looked sheepish. “We had a bit of a fight and he wanted space so Tia Pepa said she’d take him for the night.”

“Oh? About what?” Buck was confused, the amount of times Eddie and Christopher had fought was a very small number.

Eddie sighed. “It’s dumb, you probably don’t want to hear it,” He tried to brush it off. “Let’s talk about more important things: so, you and Tommy?”

Buck ducked his head, blushing. “Yeah, me and Tommy.”

“That’s great, Buck, I’m really happy for you,” Eddie said. A quick expression flitted across his face, too quick for Buck to decipher it, before Eddie gave him a genuine smile.

“Thanks, Eds,” Buck murmured, a pleased glow lighting up his face. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know but first, talk to me about Chris. What did you fight about, is he okay?” Buck was concerned for his favourite Diaz.

“He’s not Marisol’s biggest fan,” Eddie sighed, scrubbing his jaw. “He doesn’t like that she’s been babysitting him so much— which is on me, I’ve been going out a lot with Tommy, especially that first couple of weeks and now, I just— I guess I have to figure that out.”

“Shit, Eddie, I’m sorry,” Buck said, his voice soft with sympathy. “You want a beer?”

“God, yes please,” Eddie blew out a breath, coming to sit down at the island in Buck’s kitchen. Buck placed an opened beer in front of him and then opened one for himself. “Thanks, Buck.” Eddie said gratefully, taking a hearty sip.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t even know,” Eddie said, picking at the beer bottle label. “If I’m being honest, I’m not…really feeling it? Like, it was exciting at first and she’s nice but that’s…that’s it. I don’t feel a spark with her, y’know? I don’t really feel anything for her. I guess that’s why I kind of blew up at Chris, because I felt guilty that I wasn’t actually upset that he didn’t like her.”

“If you want me to talk to him, just let me know,” Buck offered.

“That would be great, I’d really appreciate that.”

“No problem,” Buck smiled before he took a deep breath, steeling himself for his next question. “Speaking of Christopher, Eddie can I….can I tell him? About me?”

Eddie looked at him in surprise. “Buck, of course. You don’t even have to ask. Besides, he’s…” Eddie trailed off, looking at Buck with soft eyes. “He’s your kid too.”

Buck swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat, feeling tears sting his eyes. “Y-yeah?”

“Yeah, Buck,” Eddie grinned.

“You’ve never said that before,” Buck said shyly.

“To be honest I thought you knew,” Eddie’s voice was gentle. “You’re his guardian if anything happens to me.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s mine,” Buck countered, looking down at his hands.

“It does to me,” Eddie replied firmly, so there was so ifs, ands, or buts. “He’s ours.”

“Ours,” Buck tested the word out, liking the way it sounded. “Okay. Ours.”

Eddie’s smile could outshine the sun and Buck felt his heart skip a beat, just like it always did when Eddie smiled at him.

The two of them were quiet for a minute, basking in the comfortable silence while they sipped their beer, before Buck eventually spoke up. “How do you think I should tell him?”

“That you’re bi?” Eddie asked and Buck nodded. “I’d just say it straight.”

Buck laughed. “Well, I don’t know if I can say it straight.”

Eddie chuckled. “You’re going to be making all the puns now, aren’t you?” His voice was unbearably fond and Buck wanted to wrap himself around the glow it lit inside him. “You know what I meant. Just say it outright, you know he’ll support you. You may have to explain what bisexual means but honestly I think he’s going to be very casual about it. Plus, he likes Tommy so you know he’s going to be excited that you’re dating.”

“Okay, great,” Buck’s shoulders relaxed and he let out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you, Eddie.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Buck,” Eddie said. “Now come on, let’s finish these while we watch a shitty movie.”

“Sounds good,” Buck said warmly, following Eddie to the couch. And it did— sound good. He felt better than he had in weeks now that Eddie knew and was okay with it— just like Buck had always known he would be, but that small part of him that worried was loud. As Buck leaned back against the couch while they flicked through the movie options, he felt complete. And very, very free.

[starshideurfics]

Thirsty Thursday - Sexy Sailor

steddie, omegaverse, halloween, mdni 🔞

“Oh my god, how did I miss this!? You’ve gotta wear it for me, Stevie! Please?” Eddie grabs the polaroid off Robin’s cork board.

“No, Eddie. One summer was enough. Besides, I don’t even have it anymore.”

“It’s just not fuckin’ fair! I have the hottest omega in Indiana, and I never got to enjoy the magic of him dressed as a hot little sailor. C’mon, puppy! I bet your ass looked amazing in those shorts!”

“My ass looks amazing in everything.”

“Your ass looks amazing whether it is constrained by fabric or not, sweetheart.”

“Then we can drop this train of thought. Robin will kill you if she has to hear about how hot you think the work uniforms from our shitty summer job were.”

“I mean, we could always roleplay…”

“No.”

Robin gets back then, laden with snacks from her mother so they can get down to brass tacks and plan their costumes for Halloween.

👻🧟🧙‍♀️

Robin getting a girlfriend ruins Steve’s costume plans. Because Chrissy wants to show Robin off, and Steve can’t blame Robin for saying yes. But he also cannot go as one of the twins from The Shining if he doesn’t have his match. And Eddie’s already going werewolf.

Which sends Steve to buy a costume last minute, picking from the dregs of what is left. There is one costume still in his size, and at least he’s gonna get well and truly laid after the party

👻🧟🧙‍♀️

Eddie gets off work late and has to meet Steve at the Halloween party. He changes into his costume in the restroom at Thatcher’s, then breaks a few traffic laws to get to the party before he’s even later.

He runs into Chrissy first, so bouncy in her Raggedy Anne costume, and she tells him Steve and Robin just ran to the kitchen to grab new drinks. Eddie knows he could wait, but he doesn’t want to be away from Steve any longer than necessary. Thanking Chrissy, he makes his way back to the kitchen and is greeted by the most glorious sight.

It may not be the Scoops Ahoy uniform, but it shows off his boyfriend’s assets to perfection. Eddie slips up behind him, arms snaking around his waist. “Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie murmurs against his ear, pushing out his scent to make it clear he isn’t a stranger.

Steve leans back into him, grinning as Eddie nuzzles against his neck. “Hey, puppy, how was work?”

“Who cares? Here now, with you.” The surprise of the outfit, coupled with Steve rubbing back against him has Eddie half-hard, and he is very seriously considering leaving the party now.

Steve turns in his arms, smirking at his rushed creature makeup, then guiding their mouths together. “You gonna be okay?” he asks with a smirk.

“Give me a minute… But we might have to go home early.”

“No, we’re staying until Rob and Chris are ready to go.” His tone is stern, but Steve is still smiling.

“But you’re so hot, puppy! Just wanna taste you, maybe flip your little skirt up…have you present.” Saliva pools under his tongue, made all the worse by his fake werewolf fangs, and drool escapes from the corners of his mouth.

“I didn’t think you’d be *this* into the outfit, Eds,” Steve says, sounding flattered, maybe even blushing a little, but it’s hard to tell because the lights are so dim.

“I’m into you always, but this has been in the masturbation rotation all month.”

Steve pulls back and makes a judgmental face. “You need better fantasies.”

“I can only jerk it to your panties so many—”

“Shut up.” Steve tugs him close and quiets them both with a hard kiss, running his tongue along Eddie’s pointy werewolf teeth and moaning.

They will definitely be talking about that later, but for now Eddie allows himself to melt into kissing his omega.

When they leave, Steve is out of his panties as soon as they make it to the van, and Eddie fingers him the whole way home.

[buckleyflower]

for you to write for buddie

29. "We are not having this conversation."

but it's about feelings and admitting feelingsssss <3

Eddie can’t handle life without Buck in it. He misses Buck whenever they are apart, whether he likes to admit it or not. He doesn’t, at first. He absolutely, resolutely ignores the feeling.

But that’s his reality, his own life, his truth. And he has to face it, one way or another.

He starts by admitting that to the source of his turmoil. It happens two weeks after he arrives in Texas.

“I miss you,” he tells Buck, crouched down on this ugly, uncomfortable couch in this cold and unfamiliar house. And he gets ready for a catastrophe to happen, some lightning strikes to hit him, for Buck to say that he hates him.

“I miss you too… all the time,” Buck says, though, exhaling like the weight of the world has just been lifted off his shoulders.

So that becomes easier.

Eddie misses Buck and Buck misses Eddie too. And Eddie makes peace with that and tries to learn to live with this huge, Buck-shaped hole in his life while he tries to mend his relationship with Christopher.

Then, Christopher hugs him and asks him about Buck. And Eddie is hit with another life-changing, panic-inducing revelation. Buck is the first person Christopher has asked about ever since he decided he could give his dad a chance at explaining himself. Buck is the first thought on Chris’ mind as soon as he feels like he can talk to his dad.

And it hits Eddie like a ton of bricks the moment Chris asks to FaceTime Buck and Eddie sees the amount of calls they’ve made since he left L.A..

Eddie is in love with Buck. He loves Buck whether Buck is around or not. He misses Buck and loves Buck and it’s— all consuming, terrifying… wonderful.

It’s like the world spun one time too fast and suddenly got its colors (the ones everyone seemed to see except Eddie).

Eddie knows that that is his truth now. It’s his most fundamental truth. He feels like loving Buck is part of him and if he ever even tried to stop, he would die. So it’s only fair that he panics as soon as he finds himself alone with his best friend, if even through a phone screen, and ends up blurting out most of his thoughts.

Buck desperately tries to understand, even offers to get on the first flight to El Paso to talk about whatever is causing Eddie to stutter and flush so much, but eventually Eddie prays that he will forget about that half-assed I love you I think and no, no— no, I mean yeah, but I don’t— I do but—.

He thought he was having a stroke but the feeling comes back when he finds a text from Buck that same evening.

It reads: love you too, dw. Which is admittedly a weird way to tell the love of your life that you love them too, but… it’s them. It’s okay.

That settles down the panic in Eddie, so much so that he ends up texting back a simple thanks. that is even more embarrassing than Buck’s dw at the end of his “confession”.

Eventually, Buck loves Eddie enough to wait for him to be back in L.A. to talk about it, even if he’s dying to do so. And that happens three weeks later.

That means that by the time Buck is at the airport waiting for Chris and Eddie, Eddie has been gone for more than a month and Buck now knows that he misses him and loves him and— he wants to kiss him senseless as soon as he gets in his sight but Chris launches into his arms so that has to wait.

Buck keeps waiting, waits until it’s ten minutes past midnight because Chris begs Eddie to stay up late and Eddie is pretty sure he won’t be able to say no to him for the foreseeable future, so now they’re finally alone and Buck is boring a hole into Eddie’s skull.

He starts smirking when he realizes that Eddie noticed his insistent stare because he flushes adorably. He’s all red and hot and Buck loves him so much. And he missed him so much. He carefully scoots closer to him on the couch, and taps with one finger on Eddie’s warm and red cheek, “hey Eds,” teasingly says.

Eddie readjusts his position trying to become one with the couch cushions, making Buck smile when he mutters a little “no.”

“No?” Buck almost laughs, pushing closer.

“Stop following me!” Eddie blurts out, finally turning around to face him, arms wide open and his face beet red.

That makes Buck burst out laughing. “Following you?” He repeats, playfully mocking him. Then, “I missed you, you know?” He says, serious.

Eddie keeps looking at his coffee table. “No.”

Then again, squirming on himself. “We are not having this conversation.”

Buck laughs again. “No?”

“Absolutely not.”

Well, too bad that Buck needs to have this conversation.

“Okay, so do not converse,” he tells Eddie, faking a weird accent which admittedly makes Eddie hold back a laugh. “I’ll do all the talking.”

He leans in, breathing on Eddie’s cheek, mutters a small “I love you too, Eds,” and kisses his cheek before pulling back, smiling so wide and bright that he lights up the room.

He sees a shiver running down Eddie’s arm, where it is not covered by the shirt, and smirks, patiently waiting for him to recover.

“Still not interested in the conversation?” Eventually, he asks, in a light-hearted way but second-guessing himself all the same.

But what he gets is not an answer, it’s a kiss. A kiss. From Eddie.

Eddie is suddenly kissing him and he doesn’t know how is now straddling him, trying to climb inside his chest.

“I love you,” Eddie mutters against his lips, some undefined amount of time later.

And when Buck smirks, stealing one last kiss before pulling away trying to open his mouth, Eddie lifts a finger and points it in Buck’s face. “Still not having that conversation,” he menacingly tells him, making him laugh uncontrollably.

—

Thank you for asking! I hope it’s not too long/you like it 💓

[ohtoseni]

like real people do - chapter ten

Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x OFC

read on ao3

the government forces soulmates to be together, no matter what it takes. it just so happens that eve's soulmates are two bisexual super soldiers.

or,

steve and bucky struggle with their eighteen-year-old soulmate who refuses to settle into her new life after being kidnapped by the government.

tags/warnings: soulmate mark au, forced throuple/poly relationship (f/m/m), extreme age gap, kidnapping, slow burn, dub con, mental health issues (ptsd, audhd, ocd, bipolar, ed), found family, emotional hurt/ comfort, sensory overload and meltdowns, eventual smut, tooth-rotting fluff, power imbalance, domestic discipline (spanking as punishment), general teenage angst, daddy dom energy, oral fixation, praise kink, implied/ referenced child abuse/csa, kink exploration, p in v sex, oral sex, non sexual age regression, lots of cuddles and snuggles and crying

Eve always just assumed the other door in the hallway had just been a closet or something insignificant. Neither Steve nor Bucky ever opened it or went inside it, so Eve easily wrote it off as nothing. Now though, with Steve leaving for Europe in less than twenty-four hours, Eve quickly learned just how important that room actually was.

Steve had been holed up in the room for most of the afternoon. He slipped away after lunch under the guise of a work phone call. Five hours later, Steve had yet to reemerge. As the sun continued to set without him, Eve huffed and crossed her arms, gently kicking the door as she walked to the bathroom. Stupid work taking precious soulmate time away from her.

“Evie, you know his work is important,” Bucky ran a reassuring hand through her hair, giving her what little comfort he could. “He is Captain America, after all.”

“He’s mine,” Eve grumbled out a response as she plopped back down on the couch. Bucky reached a finger out, poking at her pouty cheeks. She snapped her teeth toward it, trying to bite the vibranium digit away.

Up until now, Eve didn’t have to compete with the government for Steve’s attention. She got his undivided love, whether she liked it or not, every minute of the past month. Suddenly giving that up made her bitter; like a broken promise or a sweetness stolen from her. Steve was so close, yet she couldn’t touch him, couldn’t talk to him. If she felt this strongly when he was still in the general vicinity, how would she manage a week with him thousands of miles away?

The clock struck six. Bucky got up from the chair, adjusting his sweater as he walked down the hall. Following suit, Eve watched as he opened the door to the study, poking his head in. She hurriedly followed, trying to peer behind Bucky to see what Steve had been busy with for the past five hours.

He sat behind a simple oak desk, papers littering the wood surface. Voices echoed out of computer speakers as Steve partook in a video conference, trying his best not to look completely disheveled during an hour-long briefing. His eyes moved from the screen to the door, smiling softly when he saw Bucky and Eve checking in. Sensing that Eve was about to give him a piece of her mind, Steve put a finger to his lips as he hastily reached for the mute button on his computer.

“Okay, I know-”

“It’s been forever, Stevie! We’re going to miss dinner at that super nice place you were talking about and-” Steve raised a hand to cut Eve’s ranting short.

“I know, I know. Let me just…” Steve quickly clicked his mouse, ending the call with a swift motion as he stood up. A sly grin crept onto his face as he glanced at Bucky. Eve looked at Bucky too, being met with the same devious smile while he shook his head.

He clicked his tongue in admonition. “They’re gonna be furious you ditched the meeting. Say goodbye to your remote privileges after this.”

Raising an eyebrow, Steve smirked as he leaned into his best act of cluelessness. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Buck. I was just getting ready for our dinner reservation.”

Rolling her eyes, Eve grew tired of their titillating banter. She threw her hands up. “No one’s getting any younger here! I was ready for my bacon-wrapped shrimp, like, an hour ago.”

“Bold words coming from someone still in sweatpants,” Bucky teased, elbowing her in the side with a smirk. Eve crossed her arms in mock indignation, glaring up at Bucky with pursed lips. She tried to fight back a smile, but the playful challenge in her eyes sold her out.

Eve’s excitement for tonight was palpable. Very rarely did they all go out- mostly Eve’s fault, she loved staying home- so now that she had the chance to dress up and get all fancy-like… Eve was going to make Steve regret leaving her the next morning. A black bodycon dress lay on the edge of her bed, begging to be worn for the first time.

It was super cute- Bucky of all people had picked it out for her. It was very revealing, stopping mid-thigh and completely off her shoulders, yet modest enough to have full sleeves. ‘Modest’ was a strong word to describe the damn thing when it clung to every curve on her body.

To top it all off, Eve tied a little black choker around her neck, the small lace bow detail resting flush on her neck. One thing she learned from her time in High School choir was to always wear a necklace with a dress. The choker and low neckline never would have flown for a school event, but it was more than welcomed now.

She did a smile twirl, watching in the mirror as she looked herself over. While the dress itself was somewhat provocative, she didn’t want to accidentally flash anyone at dinner. The skirt seemed to stay in place as she confidently contorted herself every which way. Once Eve was satisfied with the results, she reached over for her makeup bag on the dresser.

An eventual knock at her door pulled her attention away from the mirror. Glancing over, Eve saw Bucky slowly peeking in as he cracked the door open. His eyebrows raised as his gaze landed on Eve, looking her up and down as she applied the last bit of mascara to her eyelashes.

“Goddamn,” Bucky breathed out, “Steve and now you are making me feel underdressed.”

Eve gave Bucky a bashful smile, a flush coming up her neck as she capped the tube of mascara. “I think the sweater is nice if that’s any help.”

Bucky took long strides, quick to close the distance between him and Eve. Eve saw the lust in his eyes, noting the way he licked his lips as his gaze dipped. Obviously, she managed to dress up just right to strike a nerve in the older man. Once she was at arms’ length, Bucky pulled her into him with a gloved hand on her back, the other hand lingering by the curve of her hip.

Instinctively, Eve wrapped her arms around his neck. Her brown eyes looked up at his steel ones, almost as if daring him to kiss her. She tilted her head, looking between Bucky’s eyes and pink lips with a giggle.

“Unless you want red, burning lips,” she whispered, “I wouldn’t do that.”

With a raised eyebrow, Bucky reached his right hand toward Eve’s face, rubbing the small dip just below her lips. “Oh, burning, huh? Is that a challenge?”

“Perhaps,” Eve closed her eyes softly as she leaned into his touch. “Lip plumper. My lips are kind of numb right now.”

Sensing that they were no longer alone, Bucky turned his head toward the door. Eve opened her eyes, following Bucky’s gaze over his shoulder. Steve leaned in the doorway, his arms crossed and a knowing look on his face. Bucky had been correct- Steve looked hot as fuck. His crisp white button-up was tucked neatly into dark slacks, a sleek black blazer framing his broad shoulders. Eve hated to admit it, but Bucky’s cozy white knit sweater and slicked-back long hair may have been beaten in the sex appeal department. Or just reassigned to a different job position.

Steve’s gaze lingered on where Bucky’s hand still rested on the small of Eve’s back. “Oh, don’t stop on my account,” he said dryly, raising an eyebrow. Definitely not jealous in the slightest of Bucky.

Pulling back slightly, Eve looked away flustered, cheeks burning like her lips. “I- uh- we were just-”

“Testing lip plumper?” Steve smirked. “I heard.”

The man pushed off the doorframe, a smirk still on his face. “We leave in twenty. Let’s not keep your beloved shrimp waiting.”

———

“You’ve been quiet,” Bucky commented as they entered the apartment. Eve shrugged as she toed her heels off, not completely denying the man’s accusation. She could go on about how tired she was, but they all knew that would be a partial truth.

Steve was leaving in under twelve hours, and if Eve was being honest, it scared the shit out of her.

An arm was wrapped around her shoulders in a loose embrace. A hand reached under her chin, forcing her to stare up at Bucky’s concerned eyes. “You were just all giggles and smiles at dinner. You’ve been distant since we left. What’s up, doll?”

“Don’t make me say it…” Eve looked off to the side and down the hallway. It was late, and now they would all go to bed and pretend everything was normal. The morning would come in a blink and Eve would be forced to say goodbye for who knows exactly how long. It was terrifying.

A small plea of ‘babe’ escaped someone’s mouth, but Eve already pulled herself out of the moment. She walked to the couch, flopping face-down onto the cushions to hide her face- makeup be damned. Steve and Bucky exchanged a pitied look as Steve put his jacket up, allowing Bucky to take the lead for now.

Bucky sat above Eve’s head, his hand coming down to run through her silky hair. His fingers made their way down her neck, unclasping her choker and letting it fall on the couch under her. Eve let out a small breath, the tiny pressure around her throat dissipating finally.

“It’s-” Eve paused as she felt another hand begin to trace her spine- Steve. “It’s just not fair. I finally got something good, something nice. And it gets taken away from me like- poof.”

Steve’s hand settled between her shoulder blades. “You’re not losing anything, Evie. I’m coming back. You know I am.”

Sniffling, Eve shifted just enough to peek her head out, eyes looking up at Steve. Tears pooled up in her eyes, only held back by the knowledge she wasn’t wearing waterproof mascara. No words were exchanged; Eve just wanted to spend a moment studying every little thing about him. The little glimpse of green in his eyes when the light hits them at that certain angle, the occasional gray hair in his beard peaking out to say hello. To Eve, every little variance just made him seem more lovable, more human.

“You’re so old,” Eve mumbled, reaching out for his free hand that rested at his side. She copied Steve’s contagious smile, basking in the chuckles from Bucky and Steve’s ‘what-am-I-gonna-do-with-you’ head shake.

Bending down slightly, Steve brought Eve’s hand to his lips, brushing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “I’ll take ‘old but still hot’ as a compliment.”

“You should,” Bucky said, fingers still idly carding through Eve’s hair. “Aging like top-shelf whiskey.”

Eve closed her eyes, basking in the warmth of the moment. She tried so hard to push back the icky feeling of tomorrow, and just live in that moment. Bucky and Steve continued to speak quietly above her, but all Eve could focus on was Bucky’s hand in her hair and the way Steve brushed his fingers along her knuckles. Intoxicated was an understatement.

Steve clicked his tongue, bringing Eve’s attention back to him. She looked up at him with big eyes as he shook his head with a smile. “She says I’m old yet she’s the one that needs hearing aids.”

That soft smile always made Eve melt. It felt like home and heartbreak all wrapped into one. She sat up with a hum, her choker forgotten on the couch next to her. Eve reached a hand up to rub her eyes sleepily, only to end up rubbing off her eyeliner onto the side of her hand. Looking down at the black streaks, she sighed.

“I gotta clean my face, but I’m so tired…”

Kneeling down, Steve took her smudged hand in his. “You go deal with that, love. We’ll get your pajamas all ready for bed.”

Eve kept her eyes on their hands, mentally debating her options. “I could just cry it off. Simple, yet effective.”

“Please don’t,” Bucky said from the other end of the couch. He stood up and tapped Steve on the shoulder. “I will throw some clothes in the dryer for you so you have warm jammies, but only if you don’t cry.”

A smile etched itself onto Eve’s face, happy with the new conditions. As she stood up, she went onto her tippy toes to press a small peck to Bucky’s cheek. “No promises on the crying.”

Once in the bathroom, Eve took a minute to just stare at her reflection. Black lines smeared beneath her eyes, lips tinged red, hair tousled slightly from Bucky’s fingers. She looked soft. Loved. Tired and anxious as hell, but loved.

Grabbing a cotton pad and her bottle of micellar water, Eve gently rubbed her face. It was bittersweet, watching the makeup wipe off onto the pad, as it reminded her that the night was ending, and soon Steve would be leaving out the front door alone. Eve stared down at the dirty cotton pad, wondering whether taking the makeup off would by some miracle stop time and let tonight continue forever.

A knock on the open bathroom door broke her out of her trance. Bucky stood behind her, looking at Eve’s reflection in the mirror. “Beautiful,” he said with a soft smile, looking absolutely in love despite her wet, makeup-smudged face.

“I look like a raccoon. You’re weird.”

“A beautiful raccoon.”

One of Steve’s shirts was placed in her hand- warmed up, as promised. “What, no pants?”

Bucky raised a questioning eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “Since when do you wear pants to bed?”

Eve fondly rolled her eyes. Taking a step forward, Bucky tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before taking the makeup wipe out of her hand. He softly rubbed the cotton around her eyes, careful not to wipe it too hard and hurt her. As Eve closed her eyes, Bucky swore he heard her purring at his touch.

“There we go,” he said, throwing the cotton pad into the small trash bin. “No more raccoon face.”

The sound of Steve calling for Bucky from down the hall made Eve peek her eyes open. Playfully, Bucky rolled his eyes before heading in his husband’s direction. Eve watched as he rounded the corner into their bedroom before looking back down at the shirt in her hands.

Quickly, she shrugged off her dress and pulled the old white t-shirt on over her head. Eve practically drowned in the fabric, the bottom of the shirt brushing the back of her knees. The shirt might just be longer on her than the dress she previously wore. She didn’t mind; it smelled like Steve’s favorite cologne and their lavender dryer sheets.

Eve gave one last glance at the mirror. The girl looked tired but also looked like somebody who finally belonged somewhere. She was Steve’s, and she was Bucky’s, and somehow, that made tomorrow morning feel even harder.

Flicking off the bathroom light, Eve kicked her dress to the corner of the room, not bothered enough to put it in the hamper. Padding down the hall, she was about to turn into her own bedroom when a pair of strong arms lifted her off the ground.

“Nope,” Bucky said as Eve giggled, softly hitting his arms in a faux fight. “You’re sleeping with us tonight.”

Her laughter bubbled as she was swung around and carried across the hall. She tried to squirm, but Bucky’s grip was firm around her waist. As long as Bucky could sense the anxiety in her tone, even under the laughter and smiles currently, he wouldn’t let her spend a moment alone with her thoughts.

Neither of them minded the closeness. Eve easily relaxed in his arms, finding it easier to breathe now even if it was in between gasps of giggles. Her legs kicked out playfully as Bucky carried her like a doll, stopping only when she was deposited on Steve’s lap.

Steve sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard. A book lay abandoned on the comforter next to him, and his bedside lamp illuminated his face just right. That picture-perfect peace was beautifully ruined by Eve’s giggles as she leaned into his warm chest.

Snaking an arm around her, Steve pulled her in closer. He smiled as her giggles eventually seceded, replaced now with content cuddles and sighs. Eve curled into him, face pressed against his shoulder, and Steve just continued to hold her like he never wanted to let go.

Bucky joined them on the bed, climbing in on Eve’s other side. Careful not to jostle the moment too much, he laid his head on the pillows, staring up at the heavenly sight next to him.

While he tried his best to hide it, Bucky could tell that Steve was almost as anxious as Eve about the morning. The small furrow in his brow gave away his fears, as well as that sad puppy dog look in his eyes. Bucky reached a reassuring hand out to rest on Steve’s arm. His gaze flickered to Eve, curled up so perfectly between them.

Trying his best not to disrupt Eve too much, Steve shuffled downward on the bed so he could finally lie down. He turned on his side, letting Eve fall perfectly into place between the two men. A hand remained on his chest as she tried to burrow closer to him, finally resting her head under his chin.

“Comfy?” Steve asked, running a hand through her hair.

Humming in confirmation, Eve let out an excited wiggle. “Yay, sleepover!”

Both men let out a chuckle. Bucky grabbed the edge of the comforter, dramatically whipping it to cover the three of them. Once he was certain both Eve and Steve were tucked in, Bucky reached for the book wedged in between him and Eve.

“What was the old man reading, let’s see…” Bucky raised the book, flipping it to the latest dog-eared page. Curious, Eve twisted to face Bucky as he read a passage. She kept one hand on Steve’s chest, however.

“Human beings are great adaptors, and by lunchtime life in the environs of Arthur’s had settled into a steady routine…” Bucky read aloud, looking over at Steve with a smirk as if to judge him for his taste in classic sci-fi novels. He moved to put the book down on his bedside table when a hand reached out to stop him.

Eve looked up at him with her big brown eyes, quietly asking him to continue. Flickering his gaze back to Steve, a smirk crossed his face as he concocted a plan. “Stevie can read to you. I’m not the best at it.”

Passing the paperback over, Bucky readjusted to his side. He lazily threw his arm over Eve’s side, gently holding her in place with the vibranium appendage. They were slowly becoming a mess of limbs, but none of them minded.

Steve smiled as they all settled in for the night- Eve resting on his chest, her hand fisting into Bucky’s shirt next to her. He took the book from Bucky with a soft, amused sigh, flipping back to where Bucky had started. His voice was warm and low as he read the passage aloud, words dripping with honey. At some point, Eve had closed her eyes, letting the cadence of his voice settle deep in her chest. Her breath evened out to rise and fall gently with the rhythm of Steve’s own.

Bucky’s fingers moved in slow, absentminded circles on Eve’s side, lulling her further into a haze. With every page turned, the tension in Eve’s body melted away. Her breathing slowed, shoulders no longer stiff with anticipation or worry. She didn’t even notice when her grip on Bucky’s shirt loosened.

Steve would glance down in between lines, voice softening when he realized her eyes were no longer fluttering open at the ends of his sentences. A small smile spread across his face as he kept reading anyway, each word now meant to soothe rather than tell a story.

Eventually, Eve let out a quiet sigh and nestled in closer to Steve. Her face pressed into the crook of his neck, soft breaths tickling his skin. Bucky glanced up after adjusting the blanket under her chin, meeting Steve’s eyes.

“She’s out,” Bucky whispered, voice hushed with fondness and love.

Steve didn’t stop reading just yet, finishing the paragraph like a lullaby she’d heard in her dreams.

Only when he closed the book and gently set it aside did he allow the comfortable silence to wrap around them. He tightened his hold slightly, arms extended to cradle both Eve and Bucky with more care than he knew how to speak out loud.

Bucky shifted closer, his vibranium arm resting over the both of them, anchoring the warmth in place. With heartbeats slow, breaths steady, limbs tangled beneath the covers, they all stayed there safe, still, together.

[three--rings]

Okay so I know we're in this big anti-sex cultural moment.

And I know my own personal standards on this issue are way out there. I am a sex first relationship later person. It's just how I roll. So I'm biased.

But I have to say, everyone talks like it's definitely for sure that it was a bad idea for Ed and Stede to have sex when they did.

And honestly, like, I'm not even arguing with that. It was a very understandable time for them to have sex. There should have been some more talking either before or AFTER about how they were both feeling. But it wasn't ideal perhaps.

Still I want to be clear: I don't think them having sex is the fucking problem here.

Ed is overwhelmed and unsure of where he fits right now. He's been through a lot of trauma recently (and caused a lot of course.) So it's understandable why he'd feel unprepared to add sex with Stede on top of it all.

However, they both do very much want to have sex with each other. And when two people are in love and really attracted to each other and really want to have sex, even if they have other reasons why they are holding back from it...well, eventually they're going to have sex. Sooner or later, but probably sooner.

Time in this show is very difficult to gauge, especially this season. So some time has passed between the moonlight scene and the beginning of ep 6. Ed had his leathers back, he's not wearing the bell, things have changed and progressed. It's not the next day. Probably.

We don't get to know how much time it's been or what has been said in between. Ed seems basically in the same place mentally. If not a worse one. Progress is not being made.

It's easy to criticize Stede for initiating a rather aggressive pounce on Ed in the wake of his trauma. But he's clearly not thinking. That's his issue, separate from the question of whether Ed is ready, so I'm not going to get into it. But he does pause, and he looks to Ed for permission, which Ed gives before enthusiastically and passionately joining in.

They both just went through a scary time. They both are seeking comfort in each other. It means sooner comes rather than later in the inevitable 'they're GOING to fuck' race. I know that sentence is a trashfire but let's move on.

Ed is happy in the morning. He's a little nervous, with the breakfast, but he feels good about dumping his leathers. He's come to a decision. Even after he starts to get nervous after Stede talks about their career, he's mostly fine when they go eat. Relaxed, happy about what happened.

And then all the fame stuff starts and he's fine at first. He talks to Jackie and is fine about it until Jackie is like yeah but you have a problem with your man. He talks to Izzy.

Now he's REALLY done a 180. He doesn't see his desired life and Stede's desired life matching up. Stede apparently doesn't understand Ed and where he's at if he thinks they're going to be pirates together now.

This is the problem. This is what upsets Ed. he spirals for hours. He's running scenarios and coming to negative conclusions. He's not valuable or loveable if he's not Blackbeard. Stede doesn't want him if he doesn't fit into that life. He needs to move on. He is panicked and freaking out.

Then he talks to Stede, after already making the decision to leave and go fishing. Like, let's be clear, he doesn't decide that during their fight. He's decided and signed on. He's just saying goodbye.

It's only then that he brings up the sex. He does throw blame at Stede for it a bit, which I think is mostly fair. But he also isn't accounting for Stede's state of mind at the time. They were both off tilt. But he digs into that, and to me, I think he's using the sex as an excuse.

He didn't have a problem with the sex itself. He was happy in the morning and after. Smiling, smug, cute, loved up, having heart to hearts about mermaids and letters.

It was all the life/identity stuff that crashed in that shifted him. But he doesn't know how to talk about that. He doesn't know how to explain it or be vulnerable about his worst fears and self-worth issues.

So he goes on offense and says hey, actually, this is your fault. He picks the issue he has words for, the only one they've actually talked at all about.

Stede is NOT wrong when he identifies Ed as panicking and wanting to run. Stede is recognizing the behavior from himself.

Just like it's not about Ed wanting to fish, it's not about them going too fast. It's about them not communicating about their deepest needs and desires and fears.

They can have sex or not have sex, if they're not communicating it won't work. They could continue fucking like rabbits and have long talks in between sessions and get really really far. Or do what they've been doing which is NOT having sex and also not communicating which can go on forever and they won't get closer to happy.

I feel like fandom has latched on to this one thing as The Problem, because it's all Ed SAID was a problem. But we have lots of evidence otherwise.

I mean, even the conversation...Ed says it's too fast, Stede is like...okay well we can do whatever. He doesn't get defensive even though he's hurt. But that's not good enough, because that's not actually the problem. But at that point Ed really starts running away.

And they start getting more heated, both being sloppy at expressing themselves. (Stede is unfortunately pretty freaking drunk.)

I think they are both very avoidant personalities when it comes to this kind of thing, this kind of deeply personal conflict. Their anxieties keep them from being honest. And so the sex combined with Stede's killing of a man, and newfound fame, that all became a crisis that forced them to confront these issues. I think ultimately probably for the best, instead of not addressing them.

[eddiestightywhities]

TEASER TUESDAY

this is from (what has evolved into) my jealous!eddie fic asdfhjkljjjjsksk. it's canon compliant, so far, and i actually shared the first half for snippet sunday but i'm including it here, too, because it's changed quite a bit since then.

WARNING: i personally have no hate for tommy, but eddie is becoming increasingly jealous af over tevan—and is also devastated about chris leaving and sad in general right now bc of it—and therefore kinda digging in on hating on the guy in this particular story.

.

“It'll always be you, Eds.”

Buck beams at him from across the table and Eddie thinks of Texas sunshine in late July and of violet flames and Supernovas.

He feels his best friend's words and that blinding smile in his gut like a constant, gnawing hunger, but Eddie's an old hand at starving himself of his desires and doesn't know how to answer anyway so just winks and smiles back, and it's a dim little effort peeking out from the cover of the shady place Eddie's been cowering in for a while—ever since the brutal incandescence of the lightning strike, since Buck fucking died—while he tries his utmost not to freak out two-fold: 1) at the non-stop panic attack-inducing possibility of something as completely fucked-up as those three minutes and seventeen seconds happening al over again and 2) self-abasing distress over whether or not here is just where Eddie lives, now.

Dwindling in the shadows.

He crosses his arms over his chest (his heart) and breathes in deeply yet silently, and is motionless as possible as he prays his wild-eyed expression isn't giving away his hard-won hiding place.

Buck shouldn't be able to just—say stuff like that to him. It's torture. And while Eddie may very well be a masochist, he does have his limits. Sure, right now his partner is actually only talking about them teaming up for Pictionary and whatever other games the group will undoubtedly end up threatening each other over this evening, but still. Eddie can't help but hear some things in the way he is so desperate to hear them.

Those things he wishes Buck meant for real.

Whether Eddie is capable of openly admitting it or not (maybe he has some kind of weird defect when it comes to this shit?), he now knows inherently that it'll always be Buck for him from here on out

Then Buck is merciless, adding, “You're my Ride or Die, Diaz! It's you and me forever, right?” just to up the torture and consequently murder Eddie in cold blood right here in the middle of Hen and Karen's living room in front of all their friends.

And ¡Dios mio!, Eddie is so totally fucking fucked.

Despite himself, he nods and huffs out a small laugh, confirming, “Ride or Die, Buckley,” while cursing the blood vessels in his neck and cheeks and ears as he flushes a shade of scarlet redder than the sacred Mexican Heart under the scrutiny of the entire gang (bar Bobby and Athena), fists clenching further where they're balled up beneath his armpits.

Chimney raises his beer in the air. “Alright, alright, settle down you bunch of reprobates! All Ride or Die teams have been established, so, everybody buddy up and take your places beside each other now, please. I believe that you all have a drink…” and he looks around the table to check if his estimate is correct before continuing. “Yes, cool, okay, so. It is therefore once again time to find out who this month's Most Powerful Party Gaming Duo will be—” and he turns to Maddie and says, “Don't worry pookie, nobody's taking away our reigning champion title tonight; we got this.”

Maddie smiles at her husband, sweet as sugar cookies, before addressing the rest of the room with a savage, “Get ready to have your asses handed to you, Losers!” 

There is a round of disgusted gasps being gasped and disbelieving heads being shaken and defensive fists being waved in the air, all amid Hen's, “Reigning champions? You won one time. And who the hell made you Gamesmaster Han, anyway? My house, my rules, Howard.” And then Karen's adding, “I think you'll find it's actually our house, my rules, babe,” in her wife's direction, she and everybody else now moving around the table like they're playing musical chairs—Eddie stubbornly stays put because if you ask him, it's more than enough that he's managing to be here, period—as each of them pairs up with their chosen teammates into squads made up of Significant Others.

Husband and wife. Wife and wife. Two sets of Boyfriends and girlfriends. Josh and his date. 

Eddie and Buck. 

Except it isn’t Eddie and Buck, not really. Not at all, actually, at least not in the way Eddie wants it to be—fucking needs it like his blood needs to move oxygen around his body to keep him alive—because Eddie will only ever be Buck’s ‘forever’ whenever Tommy isn’t around.

The Air Operations pilot is on shift tonight, thank fuck. Eddie honestly isn’t sure of what he would have done if Buck’s boyfriend had come over this evening. Bailed on the whole thing, probably. 

He becomes vaguely aware of the half-moon shapes that must be forming in the heels of his palms from where his short fingernails are trying their best to break the skin, and wonders when exactly it was that he started referring to his buddy, Tommy, as ‘The Pilot’. Although Eddie isn't sure of whether the term buddy can really be applied any longer, not since the dynamics between Tommy and Buck changed, and Eddie hasn’t heard from Pilot Boy in weeks. And, okay, so the reason for that is most likely the fact that Eddie kept brushing the guy off like a first class asshole, until Tommy just stopped bothering to call. But honestly, he just can’t bring himself to give a shit about whatever the new buddyship between the pair of them might have bloomed into—not when the sneaky fuck stole his Buck.

If the skin on the palms of Eddie’s hands wasn’t so calloused from work he's pretty sure there'd be blood dripping from them right now. 

“Hey, you okay, man?”

Buck has swapped seats with May and is now bumping Eddie’s shoulder and knee with his own, and Eddie wants to fucking die. 

“What? Oh, sure, peachy. You?” 

“Yeah, I'm good, Eddie. You just—you look a little—” 

“How we feelin’ about our odds tonight then, amigo? Think we can take the title?” Eddie can't change the subject fast enough. 

Steady as ever, Buck just goes with the flow and rolls with Eddie's punches like the seasoned champ he is. 

“I really think tonight could be our night, Eds.” 

Pure. Fucking. Torture.

“Eh, your artistic prowess isn't exactly well documented, Buck.”

Buck scoffs in mock-offence that has a little too much bite for it to be entirely pretend. “I absolutely beg to differ, actually, and so would—”

Christopher.

Their eyes meet for less than a second before Eddie is looking away, yet that's all it takes for him to spot the anguish swirling round his best friend's baby blues. It's like oil in water: Two things that should just never be put together.

“Eds—”

Eddie clears his throat and tries to swallow down the lump that's instantly formed, in an attempt to fill the other gaping hole in his heart; the one that sits right next to the empty space that belongs to Buck.

He can't do this right now. Not here.

“To be fair, I'm not much better, so.” His voice sounds like somebody else's.

Somebody better than him.

Again, Buck pulls on the thread Eddie's left dangling for him, the way he's supposed to. “Well that is bullshit and you know it,” he counters, with a parental look of admonishment that's become polished over the years with the ton of practice that he's had with—

This time Eddie can't keep his deep breathing covert, so he sucks in two big lungs full before exhaling sharply and grabbing at his beer. He takes a long swig to distract himself from his wayward thoughts, and the IPA is nowhere near as bitter as the foul taste already festering away on his tongue.

“You're too hard on yourself, Eddie. You always have been. You need to—you gotta learn to be kinder to yourself, man. Realise that—that some things, such as art,” Buck says pointedly, as if Eddie doesn't know that he's not talking exclusively about Eddie's mediocre willow charcoal skills, “they can just—take a little extra time and patience, is all.” 

God, Eddie loves him so much he aches right down to his fucking bone marrow.

.

tagged by the lovely @inell — thanks, boo! my tags are beneath the cut...

@rosieposiepuddingnpie @sortasirius @angela-feelstoomuch @woodchoc-magnum @veronae-buddie @kitteneddiediaz @buddiebeginz @eddiegettingshot @mazzystar24 and anybody else who wants to do the thing!

[weiner-enjoyer]

ofmd s2 literary analysis, mostly so i dont die of gay disease. obviously, spoilers for our flag means death season 2

okay so im going to start with the gravy basket because.???? there has to be some kind of metaphor im missing. but regardless, most of it was pretty up front. ed hates himself, he chooses to live, he changes. but theres some smaller details i find important. for one, he’s under the immediate impression that he hates hornighost, but hornighost feeds him and takes care of him anyway. he helps him. if hornighost is ed, then we can assume that ed is taking this time to take care of himself - with or without anyone else’s help. was he doing a great job at it? not at all. but he displays this self help when he establishes his boundaries with stede. not to mention, death is a huge main theme in this series. obviously he didn’t die, but he had a choice to. he was faced with “fix your problems, or die.” and he chose to fix them; he chose change, but change of his own accord, not death’s. he has control.

i also want to talk about ed saying “you’re not a fucking mermaid”. which seems really obvious, and it is. but the whole mermaid vision was to show that stede is here, whether he likes it or not. and whether he likes it or not, he takes that help. and it helps him. but he’s just started this whole self help journey, and he doesn’t want to accept he’s not strong enough to do it himself. so he’s telling stede to back tf off. and also obviously their divorce or wtv

okay so the bunny. ed is confiding in this random ass bunny. the bunny stays put, but it is also quite visibly shaking. ed has control now, but he isn’t ready to deal with the feedback he would get from a person. humans are unpredictable, and they aren’t always good at receiving emotions. ed also doesn’t want to use feedback to get better, because he’s so convinced he’s always right (or he chooses to think that to avoid how he absolutely knows he’s wrong.) and so theres this bunny. and then the bunny fucking dies, and then he eats that bunny. which is crazy, but he immediately talks to stede after eating it. he lost a safe zone, and then he got out of his safe zone and fixed a problem; the main reason he chose to live

and then theres the lesbians (i forgot their names, im so sorry). love those guys, my favorite plot device so far. this one is pretty obvious as well. but they’re just so immature. like. oh my god. and it’s fun at first. at first, both stede and ed love them, but both of them realize how unstable it is. they’re not even afraid to become that, because they know they’re better than that. but. there’s a but. the lesbian’s way of life was easy. if you don’t have to deal with the problems, you can live and die childish, probably from gangrene after your girlfriend stabbed you. and stede and ed immediate relate themselves to the lesbians, and then they completely defy that relation by doing the mature thing. i kinda forgot to say this, but the lesbians are a symbol of ed’s past life too. they act like how ed acts when he meets his old pirate friends; immature and reckless. when ed leaves that scene, he leaves that part of him behind.

okay so then we have the robes. im almost done, i promise. the robes are fancy. the robes are rich. the robes are cursed. they protect stede in every way except that everyone around him fears the robe. the robes are super cash money. unfortunately, stede no longer likes being cash cash money bags, so he gets rid of the suit. most of it. because he really does wear fine things well. but the robes are a past life for stede, and he willingly gets rid of them. he’s not even that mad about it. the same can be said for the lesbians; when stede leaves the robes, he leaves that part of him behind. he does it for his shipmates, but it helps him too

okay okay okay now izzy. so it’s less an analysis and more of a question. of course, izzy has been suffering a lot. like a lot. and he deserves that. wholeheartedly. he was doing relatively well with the suffering too, at first, and then he decided “fuck all that. im going to get drunk off my ass and pretend that ed didnt almost kill me, because i’m too immature.” this behavior is not healthy and im almost positive he’ll eventually come back to hating ed and try to kill him. but even with all of this, how is he going to do as a captain? we now have two other former captains on board, albeit fairly weak captains, but they pose a threat to izzy’s power. and probably his emotional state. is he going to govern the ship like before, or is he going to be emotional like he was in the beginning? he had to have learned that it could get him betrayed, but he seems intelligent in the robe situation

i hope this makes sense

[forestfairyyyy]

Lovers entwined

TW: abuse, physical violence, r@pe, sh, ED, anxiety, depression, alcoholism, smut

Chapter 5 - revelations

I knew from the look in his eyes that there was no way that he’d believe me if I said they were cat scratches or came to be there by accident. “Wanna talk about it?”, he asked gently skimming over a couple of fresh ones. Hundreds of crisscrossed lines in various stages of healing covered my thighs. I tucked my legs back against my chest and shook my head. “Can I go to the bathroom before we have this conversation?”, I asked. He removed his gentle hands from my thighs, nodded and handed me my clothes. I walked downstairs to the bathroom and put my clothes back on, I also cleaned the slick off my thighs. I tried to compose myself to be ready for this conversation. But I don’t think I’ll ever be. I slowly walked back up the stairs to the room. He was already sitting on the couch across the room with two glasses of water on the small table.

He patted the space next to him on the couch and softly smiled at me. I hesitantly moved to sit next to him and hugged my knees facing him. I didn’t dare to look at him, even when he started talking. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it okay? but if you’re ready I will always be here to listen”. I looked up confused, that wasn’t what I had expected. “You’re not going to make me talk about it?”. He sighed and softly explained, “No, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to talk about it, I will always respect your boundaries”. Orion leaned his head on his hand that was propped up on the couch’s backrest.

I nearly cried when he said that, because you never think you will actually hear someone say something like this.  “Thank you”, I softly whispered, but he didn’t hear it. I didn’t even know what exactly I was thanking him for. Maybe it was for the unexpectedly kind reaction or for not thinking I was a freak, perhaps just for being there for me when no one was.

“Can I get a hug”, I said after a few minutes of silence. He smiled and nodded, opening his arms and gestured me to sit on his lap. I swung my leg over his lap and lay my head between his head and shoulder. It wasn’t sexual at all was the kind of intimacy that outweighed sex, it felt like our souls were entwined. He held on tightly to me which was exactly what I needed. We sat like that for what felt like hours, a part inside of me felt like it was healing while he kept playing with my hair calmingly. Orion smelled like fresh laundry and a hint of masculine perfume. He didn’t try to stop hugging me he just held onto me however long I needed. I almost felt like he needed it too. I didn’t think I had ever felt as safe as in that moment. Being held by a guy I had only known for 3 days. But he made me feel safer than anyone ever had.

After a while I let go of him. “Thank you”, I mumbled shyly now that he knew about one of my many secrets. I didn’t know what to feel or think, no one knew about it. Except for him.  

He furrowed his brows, looking up at me. “What for?”, he asked. I looked down at him and softly smiled. For the first time in years, the voices disappeared and were replaced by a calm nothingness.

“For listening and not making me feel like a psycho, that makes you different from a lot of people”, I said. His eyes suddenly grew sad. “You deserve so much more than that”.

He wrapped his arms around me again and I did the same, letting me succumb to his warm embrace. The scent of freshly washed laundry surrounded me again. 

“You smell like peaches”, he randomly said. I burst out laughing. The situation suddenly going from sad to light-hearted again. “What?”, I asked, not sure whether I understood him correctly.

“You smell like peaches”, he repeated. I moved my face away from his chest to look at him. I smiled. I didn’t think my perfume lasted that long. “You taste like them too”, he said with a cheeky smile and winked. I punched his arm playfully but still firm and fake grumpily looked at him. He held his arm and defended” What? It’s true”. I rolled my eyes.

“Oh, I almost forgot, here, I got us some water”, he said and handed me one of the glasses. I thanked him and took a sip. “Do you want to go downstairs again? The cats are probably there.” I nodded enthusiastically and smiled like a little kid. Oh, how much I loved cats.

He took my hand and walked me downstairs. The cats were lying on the couch sleeping but immediately awoke when they heard us come downstairs and came to demand cuddles. We both sat down on the sofa and the cats both fought about a place in my lap which made Orion laugh. They settled on sharing the space and slowly falling asleep while I cuddled them. “I think they sense that you’re not feeling well right now”, he softly said scratching Artemis’s head.

I smiled and said „Probably, I read a lot of animals can sense that”. It really helped calming me down to feel them on my lap purring slightly as I cuddled them. We both got cozy on the couch, and I suddenly felt comfortable enough to start. “Are you sure you want to know why I started and never stopped?”, I asked and looked at him nervously, I didn’t want to just vent to him. He nodded, “Maybe it could help you to talk about it or it could help me figure out how I can support you”, he softly said and encouraged me to start.

“Do you remember when I said that my family situation was complicated, well the complicated is that…well…”, I tried, I really did, but I couldn’t bring the words ‘my father rapes me` over my lips. “It’s okay you can tell me, I won’t think of you any different, and whatever happens here or is talked about stays here, okay?”, he gently said and held out his hand for me to hold onto for support. The cats were asleep already, so they didn’t notice that I stopped cuddling them and I took his hand.

While I trailed the ridges on his hand “It’s uhm my mother is just kind of emotionally abusive, which I can deal with I mean I hate myself because of it, but it is fine. But my father…uhm…he…”, I hesitated. I was in a mental turmoil at that moment which the cats somehow sensed and awoke again which made me turn my attention back to them. Artemis stood up on my lap, turned around and lied down again gently nudging against me with her head. Orion next to me noticed and slowly asked “Your father…what does he do?”. He seemed scared of the answer hoping it wasn’t what he thought it might be.

My eyes started to tear up, I never talked about it before to anyone. I didn’t know how to say it, but right now my brain was too distracted with reminding me of the previous times he raped me. Not even the cats could distract me now, and that was when the tears started to flow.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe”, Orion said and tried to hug me to comfort me, but I flinched away, my sight was almost too blurry to see the pain that clouded his features. “I’m sorry”, I sobbed, and the cats left my lap when I changed my position and leaned against him. I pulled my knees close to my chest and buried my face in them. How should I tell him. “Is there anything I can do to comfort you?”, he asked softly. I nodded and changed my position to face him, there were tears running down my face. I must have looked horrible in that moment. I knew from previous crying sessions that I didn’t have a beautiful crying face. I let out another sob and buried my face in his chest.

He didn’t move at first, overwhelmed by my embrace. I took his hands and put them on my back, which was a place my father had never touched me.

I only had a problem with people touching places where he touched me, but that was still a lot of places. Still somehow his touch didn’t provoke such a reaction from me. We sat there again like before; it felt like hours of him holding me.

The sobs slowly died down and I calmed again.

“He abuses me too but in a different way than her”, I quietly said but he still heard me. “What do you mean?”, he asked for clarification. I took a shaky breath “He uhm…sometimes when he gets angry or drunk, he throws things…and sometimes when he gets too drunk which is still way too often, he uhm…”. I took another shaky breath. “Rapes me”, I whispered.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that”, he said softly and lifted my chin so I could look at him. His eyes were filled with concern and fear of what I was about to say. I took a deep breath which was a bit less shaky than before “He rapes me”, I said, this time a little louder.

A tear ran down his face as he tried to look for anything more on my face. But there was nothing but pain on my face. I didn’t dare to look at his eyes. He suddenly pulled me incredibly close to him and just held me.

I wrapped my arms around him again and hugged him like he was an oversized teddy bear.

“I am so sorry you had to experience that, that you were subjected to such pain, no one deserves that”, his voice broke. His face was nestled in my hair.

“Do you want to report him, you can’t let him get away with that”, he suggested. “It’s not that easy you know, I mean aside from how I would prove it, I don’t think anyone would believe me even if I managed to say it out loud which I doubt.”, I softly explained. “I could come with you, I just have one question”, he said. I answered nervously” What’s the question?”.

“The bruises on your legs and hips, are they from him?”, he quietly asked. “You saw them?”, I whispered. He gently nodded and looked sadly back at me. I nodded. “You could take pictures of them as evidence and we could ask if that is enough, I have a friend who is a police officer, I could ask him if you want, if you are not ready for that, you could also move in with me here, I know that you haven’t known me that long but if you want to, I have a guest room.”, he suggested. I nodded and smiled at him. It was sweet of him to try to help.

“Is that why you cut yourself?”, he asked. Hesitantly looking at me.

“One of the reasons, yes. A part of me hopes to replace the skin he touched with new skin he didn’t, but then he touches me again and it makes it obsolete”, I answered quietly. I buried my face in his chest again and breathed in his scent. The lavender calming me down, ever since I was a kid lavender had that effect on me.

“What are the others?”, he gently asked. His hand was in my hair again, his fingers massaging my scalp in a calming manner. I nearly purred because I was so comfortable. I sighed when he asked that, I had told him so much already, so I told him this too.

“Well, I suffer from severe depression and an anxiety disorder, so this combination isn’t the best and sometimes I cut just to feel something. Another one is also school, like those shitty people in our class or when teachers are mad at me which hurts so bad, especially our English teacher. Sometimes I also just feel lonely and like everyone hates me and that maybe…I don’t deserve to be alive”, I said, only whispering the last part, with my face still on his soft t shirt.

“If you ever get the urge because you feel lonely, call me. When you feel like everyone hates you or you just don’t want to be alone, call me day or night whenever, I don’t care I will always answer. And if you want to feel something I am sure we can figure out some things that can get you out of that state. Always remember you are loved and there will always be someone that would miss you and would never recover if you died.”, he said and gently stroked my head.

He pried my face from his chest and made me look at him again. “You are never a burden even if your mind tells you so”, he told me when we finally held eye contact. I had tears in my eyes at this point, no one ever had shown that much interest in me. No one cared enough to even notice something was wrong and he cared so much, willing to talk me out of harming myself at any time of the day.

I hugged him as tightly as I could. “Thank you for everything, for caring”, I added.

He gave me his phone number and I called him, so he’d have mine.

In that moment I realized we had never kissed each other; he had had his tongue between my legs, and I had mine between his, but we had never kissed.

I looked at his eyes, then his lips signalling I wanted to kiss him. I had never kissed anyone before which I was kind of insecure of, but I never wanted anything more than to kiss him right now.

He smiled and buried his hand in my hair, pulling me in for a gentle kiss. At first, I was overwhelmed, but he guided me. With that kiss all of the worries I had about him and what he felt for me disappeared and all I could think about was the gentle hand in my hair and the taste of mint.

And that was my first kiss, with the first person I think I ever loved and loved me back.

[ginevrastilinski-ocs]

🌸 + Nate?

Whether they prefer coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: Hot chocolate

What their zodiac sign is and whether they fit the traits associated with it: He's a Taurus! And not that much? Like, he's loyal af, always ready to make other comfortable and a bit stubborn yes but he's way too much anxious and emotion-driven to fall in the calm/sensual/stable side lol. Plus he lives for chaos, he was grown in a chaotic family so that is his home!

What emotion is the hardest for them to deal with: Anxiety and anger for sure!

How physically affectionate they are: Very affectionate with his family and his friends, but very wary with anyone else

A movie they could watch every day for the rest of their live: Grease ovb!

Are they neurodivergent in any way (autism, ADHD, mental illness, etc.)? If so, what do they have?: He has severe anxiety, has some blackouts/faints for it and he's under meds even before canon. But he's also subject to depression and has some very questionable coping habits that could make everything worse in a second (His sleep schedule is very messy, just as well his eating, some of his friends start to worry about it bc they're afraid he might develop an ed. Plus he uses pain to keep his head clean when he's too angry and/or anxious so a lot of times he scratches his arms, bites his knuckles, punches walls and things etc which can be already considered sh)

If they want any kids, and how many they’d want if they do: At least three, but he thinks more would be better (Listen, he was born in a large and affectionate family okay, it's the only way for him lmao) the only thing Nate doesn't get from his mother aka me lol

How they lost their first tooth: Got in a fight with some older kids, they pushed him, he hit his face on the ground and he lost a tooth

What their walk-on song would be: This Is Me from The Greatest Showman

If they prefer company or time alone when they’re upset: Depends why he's upset! If he's sad then company (but mostly tries to avoid talking about why he's upset), if he's angry then alone bc he's terrified to do or say something that might hurt someone else!

[h4rring1on]

hey theree i've never requested anything but i have this idea in mind...

so reader and eddie are dating and they're hanging out with steve, nancy and robin and they play truth or dare and they kinda tease reader about how her and eddie have never done anything besides kissing and reader gets really upset because shes not ready yet and locks herself in the bathroom and starts crying, then eddie comforts her about it?

idk just a little idea i had

have a great day :))

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

you and eddie always loved hanging out with the group, even though you’d much rather be with eddie, you weren’t the type to never hang out with your friends.!

so the two of you invited them over to eddie’s trailer, you started talking a bit but soon enough you started playing some party games, one of them being the infamous truth or dare

“okay—is it true that you and steve are gonna have kids the second you graduate” eddie asked

“yep, emphasis on graduate, something you’ll never be able to do”

the group chuckled, “we’ll see about that” you said and everyone ooh’d

“well, munson, didn’t know had your head in the game this year” steve said

“yeah because he doesn’t, it’s me” you joked and everyone laughed

you enjoyed moments like these, where everyone would laugh and joke around, without all the darkness that consumed them when they were alone, just peace. because recently, that always gets ruined.

“okay okay, y/n, truth or dare” nancy asked

“truth” you said

“you guys are such cowards! pick dare for once” robin said and you guys laughed

“have you ever had sex with eddie?” she asked and the room erupted in oohs and cheers

“oh please, she’s a goody two shoes” steve said, “besides, she’d never lose it to his fugly ass” steve teased and eddie lightly chuckled

“we already know the answer to this. i’ll cut my arm off if it’s a yes. she’d never be one of those girls” robin chuckled, and you just played along. you didn’t exactly like the way they were talking about you, as if you were not there, and it wasn’t even in the good.

“excuse me” you said, getting up, but nobody really noticed, too busy laughing, except for eddie, who knew exactly what was going on

you went to the bathroom and locked the door, tears started streaming down your eyes as you slid down the door, you felt so stupid.

why did they say it as if it was a bad thing? why would they even ask that? she wasn’t a goody two shoes—she loved eddie but—

knock knock knock

“sweetheart?” eddie spoke and you quickly wiped your tears

“yeah?” you said, your voice hoarse

“they’re gone, love” he said

“wh—why?” you asked

“you know why, let me see you, baby” he said and you sighed, slowly opening the door, but the second it did, he saw your eyes, red and puffy with more tears brimming in them

you were a pure thing. highest grades, great in after school activities, never had a drink, very polite, the nicest girl anyone met. eddie knew how innocent you were, and how important your innocence was to you, and he’d never ever take it away unless you ask.

“i—‘m sorry eds, i’m not ready—i know a lot of girls usually do it but i’m—i’m too scared i can’t—“

“princess” he said as he held your hand, “don’t listen to them, i know you’re not ready. that’s why i don’t push you. trust me, i don’t care. i only care about you, whether you’re ready or not.” he said, looking right into your eyes

god, how did you find a man like him? how was he so patient with you? how could he give you so much love when he could easily find any other girl that would give him what you’re not ready for?

eddie was right, who cares? your innocence is yours and you’d only lose it when it’s time.

[itsclydebitches]

Okay, maybe this is just due to OFMD’s hand-wavy plotting — or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m writing this at 2:00am and am thus forgetting something important, that’s always a distinct possibility — but what exactly does Spanish Jackie get out of this team-up with the British + Izzy? I mean, I know she says she’s got beef with Stede because “He broke my nose jar and one of his crew murdered my favorite husband” but she also kinda... doesn’t? Because we watched Jackie choose to let Stede go once she learned Blackbeard wanted to speak with him, despite the whole nose jar thing. That’s settled by her telling him not to come back. And then we watch Jim show up of their own free will, entirely unrelated to Izzy’s plot, and Jackie’s having drinks with them in under three minutes. Unlike the very strong motivations of “I want Stede Bonnet dead for murdering my brother” and “I want Stede Bonnet dead because he’s ‘done something to my boss’ brain,’” Jackie just seems to be involved because Izzy had nowhere else to go. I mean, does she actually do anything besides providing a place to meet?? Calico Jack is the one who does all the work of separating Ed from Stede, Chauncey leads his armada to attack The Revenge, and Izzy is ready in the wings to take over as Captain. Jackie, meanwhile, just kinda chills and presumably has no idea whether this plot of theirs even worked.

On the one hand, a lifetime of analyzing media has me hooked on Izzy’s promise that he can “offer a more lucrative proposal” than Geraldo’s bar food idea, suggesting that Jackie was meant to get something else out of all this, beyond the — meh— pleasure of Stede dying. It kind of sounds like Izzy meant to repay her somehow once he was in charge, or things were back to normal with Blackbeard. That would also fit with the various theories that Izzy tied himself to the British and/or simply intended for a very different outcome for them all (beyond Stede’s obvious death) before the Act of Grace threw a wrench in those plans.

ON THE OTHER HAND, acknowledging that OFMD is a loose collection of plot-points working almost purely in service of queer romance and fun, I love the idea that Jackie is just... there. That’s it. That’s the reasoning. She’s there because she’s Spanish Jackie and she’s awesome. Like no, she never actually had a larger role to play, or a major stake in this outcome, which makes Izzy’s scenes with her SO much funnier to me. This rat man swaggers in promising to make you money, so you offer the guy a free drink and agree to hear him out, but then he proceeds to just bitch about his crush’s crush for god only knows how long, periodically burning himself on your candles and scaring off any other patrons. Then this admiral or whatever shows up, questions your name, is generally stinking up the place, the rat man is still talking like falling in love is some kind of disease, and you’re... just going along with all this, you guess? Yeah, Stede Bonnet is a strange and off-putting man. Dude broke your nose jar. You wouldn’t mind him being dead. But wasn’t the rat man going to make you money? Why the fuck are we teaming up with these assholes now? Geraldo, how did this happen?

Oh look, now Jim’s here.

I don’t have a point beyond my enjoyment of Jackie potentially vibing in the background of this entire mess. Does she actually know what’s happening? Eh, only kind of. Is any of this turning out like how she was promised? Not in the least. She’s going along for the ride only to realize halfway through that the ride is not what she expected, but hell, she already paid for a ticket, so no sense getting off now. Season 2 Izzy is going to show up again, do another sexy wall lean, slick back his hair, spout off some nonsense about needing her for the next Grand Plan, and Jackie will just be like, “Babygirl, you’re here to talk smack and drink me dry, don’t pretend.” Whether she let’s him, kills him, or makes him her next husband remains to be seen.

[h4rringtonsworld]

because i liked a boy | eddie munson

eddie munson x (f)reader!

summary: you just started dating eddie. its been a few months since and you guys finally decide to make it public…but what people have to say about the relationship makes the two of you question everything.

wc: 2.2k

warnings: cussing, mentions of suicide, angst, bad ending sorry

a/n: partly inspired by the song because i liked a boy by sabrina carpenter! lmao i might get a little mean writing this but just know i love eddie so much, its just for the sake of the story x

~~~

you were on cloud nine. eddie and you have been dating for about 3 months now and it was almost everything you’ve wished for. almost. the rumours and accusations about eddie were still up in the air and they were not going away. it was a mutual decision to not let everyone from school know about your relationship and only your closest group of friends of steve, robin, nancy, jonathan and arygle know. oh and dustin and his friends.

at first it wasn’t hard, you and eddie were in the same friend group so it was not suspicious to anyone. but as time goes by, you were antsy. you wanted to kiss your boyfriend, to hold his hand, makeout with him without having to be afraid whether someone was going to catch you two in the act. ‘darling… we’re happy right? you like being in a relationship with me?’ eddie asked out of nowhere while you two were hanging out in his trailer.

‘eds, of course i do. i’ve never been happier’ you put your hand on top of his while giving a small smile. ‘then why do we have to keep hiding? i know we decided not to make it public…but i don’t know, i just wanna show off my girlfriend you know’ he set his beer down and hold both your hands in his while rubbing his thumb along your hands.

you gave it some thought, ‘okay, we’ll do it. we’ll make it public. i want to be able to show off my boyfriend too’ you see eddie’s face lit up and he leans in to kiss you. you two slept happy that night, excited about tomorrow, finally being able to tell everyone you’re dating.

‘you ready?’ eddie took the first step today by driving you to school so both of you would be seen walking into school together.

as soon as you entered hawkins high, people were already staring, and not in a ‘omg look at those two! they’re dating!’, its more like ‘ew, the freak has a girlfriend? someone save her’ kind of stare.

both of your hands started to sweat and you and eddie looked at each other wide eyed, he’s definitely thinking well this is going great.

your body eases as you two spot steve, robin and nancy and the rest. you walked over to them hand in hand, too afraid to let go now.

‘i see you two finally made it public’ steve moves his eyebrows up and down while pointing out that you two are holding hands.

‘yeah well, 5 minutes in and we already got daggers coming our way’, the 5 of you turn around to see people still staring and whispering.

‘just ignore them, they have nothing better to do other than judging people who are just minding their own business’ nancy squints her eyes at the people staring and they immediately look away. that girl is a keeper. this was the true test of your relationship, to see if this will make or break it. you looked up at eddie as he’s talking to the group, his eyes twinkle at steve’s remarks, his laughter erupts at robins jokes and you knew no matter how many pins and needles try to penetrate the eddie-y/n bubble you have created together, you will stick by each other, and it seemed as if steve, nancy and robin would go back to the upside down if it means their bestfriends could be together.

as lunch approaches, your heart races. the whole school is going to be in the cafeteria. what would happen when you and eddie walk in with his hand around your shoulders? that question was answered the moment you two walked through the doors, people were still staring and the whispers never get any softer.

once you reach a table, jason carver and his balls in laundry baskets crew walk up.

‘oooh, looks like the freak has found himself a pretty girl’ eddie starts clenching his fists ready to knock jason out. you reached out and put your hand over his and he softens his hands . jason bends down to whisper to you but loud enough for eddie to hear ‘maybe when the freaks turn is over, we can have a good time’ he winks and eddie launches off the table ready to start a war. steve holds him back and jason just smirks and walks off while giving the finger.

you felt like you were about to cry, not only because you just got harassed by jason but also because making it known that you’re dating eddie might not be the best idea. you wanted to go to the bathroom and just scream but before you could even get up, you hear shouting ‘eddie you really are a freak! how did a girl like her end up with someone like you!’, ‘maybe she’s the slut for dating someone like him!’, ‘huh how ironic, a slut and a freak, they’re the perfect match!’ laughter erupts throughout the cafeteria. the hellfire club rushes to your table and tries to block the noise. you held on to eddie tighter and a tear rolls down your cheek. you could not do it anymore, you got up and rushed to the nearest bathroom.

‘look at the slut go!’, ‘boyfriend too much of a pussy to even stand up for her’, ‘not only a freak anymore munson, but also a major pussy! you should probably just kill yourself’ that’s all the things you hear as you rushed out of the cafeteria.

‘all of you just shut the fuck up, for fucks sake’ steve slammed his hands against the tables while the rest of the group rushes off to find you. ‘all of you need your ego’s in check’ dustin rolls his eyes.

eddie felt like a coward. he couldn’t say anything when people were talking shit about his girlfriend. he felt guilty and thought to himself, am i really a bad boyfriend? should i actually just unalive myself? maybe the demobats can help me. he shook off those thoughts and tried to find you. he hears sobbing and swings open the door, not caring that its a girl bathroom.

‘y/n, baby, are you in here?’ eddie sees you curling up in the corner of a stall. ‘eddie…this is the girls bathroom’ you still tried to crack a joke between sobs.

‘sweetheart, i’m so sorry for not saying anything back there. i feel like such an ass. you don’t deserve to have all those awful things said about you. you are beautiful and you are the sweetest person i’ve ever met’ he says now tearing up while wiping the tears off your cheek.

‘i love you eds. i’m so sorry for what they said back there. you have a reason to live okay? we all love you and want you around’ you give eddie a quick peck while the both of you stood up.

‘holy shit, im out of breath, are you guys okay?’ robin was panting and everyone had a worried look on their face.

‘we’re okay. thanks guys for being there and thanks steve for saying something man’ eddie pats steves arm while everyone came together for a group hug. times like this are where you appreciate for having a group of friends like them.

~~~

its been a week and the whispers have died down but the stares have not. you and eddie pretend like you guys don’t see it for both of your sake but you can’t help feeling like there’s a burning hole at the back of your head. you and eddie have been doing everything you guys can to not talk about it and just keep living your life. but every night, when eddie’s not around, you cry and scream into your pillow. you love eddie, with everything in you, you would not trade this relationship for anything. but this relationship had taken its toll on you and maybe eddie too. ever since you guys made it public, you cried more and eddie drank and smoked more. it has become an unhealthy coping mechanism and you did not want to keep up with it or let eddie drown himself like this.

‘babe, you wanna meet after school? i’ll drive you home’, you looked at eddie and you felt like crying. he was so lovely and you adored everything about him but you knew the step you had to take. to make everything normal again.

you nodded and decided that you were gonna have to talk to him later. ‘i’ll see you at 2 love’ you gave a quick peck before going to class.

eddie drove you home in his van. it did not help that the van had the word ‘freak’ spray painted across it but eddie did not have the money to get it fixed so it’s there forever now probably, which just sucks and its being used as a daily reminder that this town hates him.

once you reached your place, you decided to invite eddie in. your palms were sweaty and your heartbeat picks up its pace. you went in the kitchen to grab drinks and also cool off your nerves.

‘thanks sweetheart. sooo, how was your day? you feeling better?’ thats the 100th time you hear that question ever since that incident. you lied everytime and said you’re fine but this time, you don’t think you could lie anymore.

‘i’m not fine love, and i know you’re not too.’ you sigh, taking a deep breath before continuing while taking his hands in yours. ‘this past few weeks have been tough, we both know we can survive anything, but at what cost? we try so hard to stick by one another but inside, we’re just falling apart and it’s affecting us. eddie anthony munson, i love you and i will till my very last breath but i cannot continue with this if it’s affecting our mental health.’ with every word you say, eddie’s eyes gets more and more teary. he knew you guys are having a hard time but to this extent? to wanting to break up? it felt like his worst nightmare.

‘y/n, baby, i know we’ve been going through a hard time but we can make it work. we always do. tell me what i can do to fix it, i’ll do anything my love’ he said through choked sobs. he was full on having a breakdown. eddie was a fixer. he did anything and everything he could to make you the happiest girl in the world. one time, when you were having the worst cramps, he came over to build a fort with you and binge watch all your favourite movies. he even skipped work to be with you when you had a panic attack. it hit you that maybe he’s not going to be there through all those times again but you already made up your mind.

‘you’ll do anything? okay…then you need to let me go eds. we’ll always love each other and nothing will change that but we cannot be together, not when we turned out like this’ you couldn’t even face him anymore and you knew your eyes would be puffy by the next morning.

he lifts your chin up and wipe your tears ‘if that’s what you want, i’ll do it. you know i love you so much and im always here’ he points to your heart and rest his hand on it. with one last kiss, he leaves your house. now, the house is more empty than ever but so is your heart.

you skipped school the next few days and so does eddie. during those days, you removed every part of him in your room. the shirts, the rings, the polaroids and the love letters. you were a crying mess and you couldn’t even leave the room.

when you arrive in school, you see eddie with his hellfire club friends. he looked…..happy. he has his hellfire shirt on, tucked in his ripped jeans with his hair let down. you smiled to yourself. he looks so happy laughing with his friends talking about the next campaign that will happen. you see steve, robin and nancy and walk towards them.

‘y/n, im so sorry, i heard about you and eddie, i tried calling but you didn’t pick up’ the 3 of them came to give you a big hug. no, not now y/n, don’t let the tears fall.

‘thank you guys, i’m better than i was a few days ago, sorry if i made you guys worry’ you felt comfort in their arms. you really couldn’t ask for better friends.

eddie looked at you from far away. even with puffy eyes, you still looked adorable. he wishes he could come over and kiss you but he can’t, not anymore. but you guys were still friends right?

‘hey y/n….how are you? you look great’, eddie walked awkwardly towards you with his hands in his pockets.

‘eds hey, im good, you look good too’ you fold your arms infront of you while the other 3 was just staring at this very tense and awkward exchange. both of you just smiled at each other and parted ways. things may never be the same again but you didn’t lose each other completely and that was the least you could ask for.

you know what’s the most painful thing about a breakup? not when it’s full of anger, resentment or hatred but its when you still have so much love and adoration for that person, seeing them grow, knowing all the things they can achieve and then seeing them achieve those things without you.

[alexlesuagz]

Small Snippet of a Fanfic I’m working on! I hope you enjoy!

[TW: Mention of Drugs]

Feb. 13, 2018

10 more minutes until lunch.

Vicky raps her pinky against the desk repeatedly in anticipation.

Come on, damn clock, go faster!

She grabs her paper and scribbles some more answers onto her worksheet. It’s science, a subject she gave zero shits about, so she doesn’t care whether her answers are correct.

Once she finishes, she scratches her left cheek as she glares up at the clock, now continuously tapping her foot against the floor like it’s some belated kind of morse code.

8 more minutes.

She lets out a loud exhale through her nostrils as she puts her head down on her desk, her hands running through her wavy black locks.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Chelsea, her best friend, giving her a small look of concern from the other side of the classroom.

Are you alright? Chelsea mouths.

Vicky nods quickly. I’m fine, she bullshits silently.

Chelsea looks back at her worksheet, and Vicky looks back up at the clock.

5 more minutes.

Fuck this. If she had to last another unbearable 5 minutes in Miss Goldfinch’s class, she was going to lose her fucking mind.

Also, it was 5 mere minutes, so why not just ditch? She thinks as her hand shoots up.

“Yes, Vicky?” Miss Goldfinch asks.

“CAN I USE THE BATHROOM?” Vicky exclaims in her best I-am-in-pain-and-I-must-piss voice.

Miss Goldfinch glances at the clock. “Vicky, dear, it’s 4 and a half more minutes until the end of lunch, can’t you just hold it in?”

Welp, that didn’t work. Time for the Trump card.

“I DON’T THINK I CAN, MISS GOLDFINCH.” Vicky says through clenched teeth.

Miss Goldfinch looks back at her and frowns. “What do you mean by that?”

Vicky walks up to Miss Goldfinch and whispers some words into her ear.

“Oh…OH…okay, then. Do you need anything?”

Vicky shakes her head rapidly.

“...Well, alright, then, go right ahead to the bathroom, and take your backpack with you if you must.”

“Thank you, ma’am!” Vicky shouts as she grabs her bag and power walks out of the classroom.

Great. Now that period 4 torture time’s basically over, now all I need to do is wait for…wait, what’s his name?

She pulls out her phone and checks her notes.

Julian Ramis “The Murderer Kid”

…Ah, yeah, him.

According to reports, the kid was arrested for murder around five years ago, which is why people tend to avoid him. However, she did not know everything that happened, and even information about the crime wasn't exactly what she wanted.

What she wanted was cannabis.

“Who’s that?” Vicky asks, pointing to the boy sitting alone at the less crowded side of the bleachers, typing on his laptop.

“Oh, him?” Chelsea asks.

“Yeah, beanie boy.” Vicky replies. “Is he a transfer or something? I haven’t really noticed him before until now.”

“Oh, no, he ain’t a transfer.” Chelsea responds, shaking her head. “That’s Julian Ramis. Apparently, dude, uh-”

Chelsea’s hesitating now.

“He what?”

“He, uh, ‘game over’-ed someone, like 5 years ago.”

Vicky could feel her eyes widen and her jaw drop. “Are you, like, serious about this?!”

“Yeah, like totes serious!” Chelsea exclaims as the two girls walk down the bleacher stairs. “Why else would he be so emo-looking?! Constantly smells of weed, too. I feel kinda bad for him, but at the same time, he’s like, really scary. Last time I tried talking to him, he immediately started getting high and mighty, calling me a ‘ginger, rat-faced bimbo!’” She shudders.

Of course, a guy who constantly smells of weed would have weed in his general vicinity, right?

Vicky rehearses her plan in her hand once again. Alright, once the bell rings, find Julian, drag him over to the gender-neutral bathroom, and force him to fork over the drugs. And if all else goes to absolute shit, then remember that one self-defense acronym!...What was that one acronym again-?

BBBBBRRRRRIIIIINNNNNG!!!!!

Oh yeah, ‘solarplex’, ‘instep’, ‘nose’, and ‘groin’. Alright, I’m ready.

When lunch comes around, the whole school grounds are open, so Vicky knew she had a lot of searching to do. However, considering where she had seen him the first time, she had a good idea on where he was going to be.

Sure enough, as Vicky clambers onto the bleachers, she spots Julian in the relatively uncrowded corner, eating a ham sandwich with one hand and typing on his laptop with the other.

He’s also hidden in the shade, like a true emo.

Vicky takes a deep breath in and exhales. Fuck it. Just introduce yourself and try not to get into trouble.

She walks over to Julian, who’s still too invested in his laptop to even acknowledge her.

What is he even doing, anyway? Writing fanfiction?

As quietly as possible, she looks over his shoulder to study his screen.

Oh.

Oh.

First of all, Chelsea was right, he does in fact smell like weed.

Second of all, what the hell is he even trying to type? “Rejected and despised by all, I walk a dark and tormented path, leading to despair…”

Julian suddenly shuts his laptop.

“You know I know you’re behind me, right?”

Shit.

[airplanned]

Soft Science Part 14

Link has the best friend job down.

(You can tell when I’m revising a novel, because I do quick updates to get my daily word count in.  Beta-ed by @jenseits-der-sterne)

Chapter 13

-

He wakes to her pressed tight against his back, her arm around his chest.  But it's not draped heavily. It's possessive, her hand pressed over his heart and her cheek pressed between his shoulder blades.

He doesn't want to move.  If she's awake and he rolls over, she'll want to talk and he's not ready.  If she's still asleep (which, knowing her, he doubts) then he doesn't want to wake her.  Taking a deep breath to brace himself, he presses his hand over hers and then rolls to face her.

And is shocked to discover that she actually is still asleep.

Asleep, with her face pinched into a frown.  She doesn't look rested at all, as if she were up worrying all night and now continued to worry in her sleep.  It stabs at his chest, and he soothes his thumb between her eyebrows, across her forehead.

Her eyelids flicker.  "Link?"

"Shh.  Go back to sleep."

Her face has smoothed and her eyes slide closed. 

She's so pretty.

He presses a kiss to her forehead and then has to stop himself from kissing her again.

"I'm going to get in some sword practice."

She hums in response, and he quietly slips away.

Practicing is good.  It sets a rhythm for his breathing, which is astoundingly calming.  The air outside is chilled and smells of leaves and grass. As he runs through his forms, his muscles wake and sweat gathers at his hairline, and he remembers what it's like for things to be simple, for things to be easy.  He remembers that he is actually good at some things.

She'd snuggled into him in the night.  They'd had far worse fights before.  And surely now they could work together and find a way to work within both their hang ups.  He's going to talk to her today.  He just needs to clear his head first.

He repeats and repeats as the sun rises and the manor shuffles to life behind him.

When the princess appears, stepping out onto the path towards where he's practicing, he stops, wiping the sweat from his face with the hem of his shirt.  She seems uncertain, her hands bunched together before her and her head lowered.  Her pace slows as she draws near, and she darts a hesitant look up at him through her eyelashes.

"Good morning," she says.  Her voice is quiet.  Her thumb rubs anxiously against her knuckle.

He sweeps forward, cups her face in his hand and kisses her.  A single surprised breath, and she relaxes into it.  Her arms come up to drape around his shoulders, and he pulls her in tighter at the waist.

When they break apart, it's only an inch, into which he says, "I don't smell very good."

"That's okay."

"I'm sorry."  He’s not sorry that he stinks, but is sorry about how what he said last night hurt her or made her uncomfortable.

Somehow she seems to understand this.  "That's okay too.  It's...hard to hear sometimes.  I don't...I don't like thinking about how much of a fool I've been.  No wonder the Goddess doesn't--"

"Stop.  You're the smartest person I've ever met."

She snorts.  "Would a smart person have gotten us into this mess?"

"Well, you did. So yes."

She makes a face like she doesn't know if she should laugh or cry, and he's just about to lean in to kiss her again when someone pointedly clears their throat.

There's a steward standing behind them, his eyes locked on the sky and a giant silver platter in his hands with a glass pitcher of juice and two crystal goblets and a bunch of tiny breakfast sandwiches.  There's also a neat stack of letters, which she pulls away in her most failed attempt at dignity to pluck from the tray as the steward sets everything on a nearby outdoor table.

She scans the address on the first one and deftly hands it to Link, who inwardly rolls his eyes to see it’s from one of the generals.  He doesn't really want to know what that's about, and considers whether to open it or not when he realizes that the princess has frozen at his side.

"What's--"

He freezes too, because the envelope in her hand is held closed by a wax seal impressed with the house sigil of a wealthy Castletown merchant.

They stand perfectly still until the steward is out of earshot.  

Panicked, she asks, "Why is he writing to me?"

And just like that, whatever drama they've been having is gone, and he snaps back into his role of trusted guard and best friend, ready to help her get out of a tight spot.  "There is no reason for him to be writing to you."

"What does he want?  Do you think he needs help?"

"Let him die."

"Link!"

"What?"

"Maybe it's an apology."

There's no way it's an apology.  "Would an apology make you feel better or worse?"

She bites her lip.

"What could he possibly say that wouldn't upset you?"

"What if..." She lowers her voice.  "Do you think it's blackmail?"

"If it is, then our act is our best defense.  The people think we're a fairy tale, and no one will believe him.  We're fine.  You're fine."

"I can't not read it.  I can't."

He frowns at the envelope.  "Do you want...me to read it?"

"I can’t ask you to do that!  What if it's...vulgar?  That would be cruel."

It probably would hurt. But it would hurt her much more to read it. 

She doesn't protest when he takes the envelope from her hands.  Instead, she presses her hands over her mouth and watches his face intently as he reads.

My beloved, I have been a fool. I miss you so acutely it hurts. I miss your hands and your lips and your—

Link is very good at remaining stoic, but he's aware that his look grows more stony as each new part of her body is cataloged. Does this dude think this is romantic?  That he'll impress her by remembering these details?  He doesn't even mention the cute dimples on either side of her spine or the way her lips redden after she's been kissed.  He mentions her chest more than her ass, which Link finds irritating, and when he does mention her ass, that's irritating too.

You made me feel so alive. I’m a husk without you. I need to see you again—

“Well?” She asks. Her voice is small. "What does it say?”

He folds the letter back up.  “It's good news, I guess.  He’s horny, and now that there’s no chance of you needing a commitment from him, he wants a blow job.”

It startles a laugh from her.

He holds the letter out for her. “Do you want to—“

“No.”

He nods. “Good.”

He crumples it into a rough ball and stuffs it in his pocket.  It doesn't fit very well.

"Do--"  She cuts herself off.  Starts again.  "Do you think he ever loved me?"

He doesn't know an answer to that that won't hurt her.  Scraping a hand through his hair, he sighs.  “I’m not saying this as your husband, but as your friend: That guy is trash.  He's always been trash.”

She lowers her eyes, her hands wringing at the cuffs of her sleeves.  Quietly, she says, "And now he propositions me while I'm married.  It's the height of audacity."

“It’s the height of audacity to ask anything of you after what he did.”

“This is very true."

Link hesitates.  “When he talks about how great you are, he doesn’t mention how smart you are or how dedicated or how caring. He doesn’t mention your enthusiasm. He doesn’t appreciate anything that makes you you. Anything you work towards. He only misses what you can do for him.”

She's staring at him.  "Are you saying that as my husband or as my friend?"

He shrugs.  "Both.  I guess that makes me lucky."

She snorts.

"Okay," he says, shoving the general’s letter into her hands to change the subject.  "Your turn."

She full out laughs now, tearing open the letter.  "Do you want me to tell you if he's trash?"

"I know he's trash."

She gives him a smirk and lowers her head to read.

Chapter 15