#he was absent when i was a kid
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Somethig is seriously broken about me.
And I don't know why.
#this is why i was so mad at dad#i was like him#so it could've been genetics#also#he was absent when i was a kid#mentally anyway#his body was there but he. barely spoke to me except yell at me for opening and shutting the fridge door#taking too much space#so! this is why i keep the fridge door open until i find everything i want#even tho it may cost more $ and i crige thinkig dad will notice#WELL WHICH IS IT#you made me a burden#by being a burden#or else something else#or there is no reason im just. a nothing#which is what he always said about himself#i nevvvver wanted to be like him#well guess what#why i hate myself
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much to think about........
#while looking through old fandom posts i saw people joke that smokey looks like their lovechild and i cant unsee it now#i think they would be absent fathers but in the ''being around my kid would put them in danger because of who i am'' kind of way#and when you consider smokey ended up at the iacon hall of records...far away from the real danger...#like i Know in canon they didnt know him when he showed up on earth but. imagine.#if i knew how to write i'd write a fic about this lol#optiratch#smokescreen#transformers#samael.txt#shitpost#<- kinda#''sam are you implying you found out about Those TF fics'' yep!#i did not expect TF of all things to have so many of them. not judging btw i was just surprised
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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dunno why but orion black slapping the ‘best protective spells known to wizardkind’ on grimmauld place prompts the image of him knowing sirius ran away the moment sirius made the decision. like the house wakes him up all “MASTER!! MASTER THERE IS A DISTURBANCE!!” so orion goes to sirius’ room in his snork mimimi nightshirt and makes direct eye contact with his oldest son. who is halfway through the window with his school trunk and an ancient broom orion’s quite certain he bought for himself when he turned 23. and sirius lifts his middle finger to his mouth shush and flip orion off simultaneously and orion simply turns back around and goes back to bed. because that’s fair and most importantly something to deal with when he isn’t still half drunk from his nightly nightcap.
#sirius isn’t it breakfast (or anywhere in the house) the next morning#walburga is freaking out because what do you MEAN sirius is gone kreacher?? orion do you know where our son is???#and orion’s like ‘i’ve no idea dearest’ because it’s true#sirius black#orion black#the noble and most ancient house of black#i like it when orion (neglectful absent father) doesn’t actually give one flying fuck what his kids do#as long as they use their brain properly#like oh sirius you like the mudbloods now? whatever just be clever about it#ah regulus you want to join the dark lord and die horrifically? sure have fun#deep down he cares but on the whole he’s got no interest on what they’re doing whatsoever#he’s the type of dad who forgets your birthday and the way your name is spelled#he didn’t even want kids he just had to have them bc of tradition#meanwhile walburga is screaming her head off in outrage ♥️ and orion goes and locks himself in his study#at least the family ledgers give him less of a headache
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Critters, how we doing? 😭
#first Hank now Sam#i woke up to that announcement today and bawled#i know he's doing okay now and has a good support network but jesus#it explains why everyone was taking it so hard when FCG died and Sam left the table#and Ashley's little Sam portait at her spot#why he's been absent on social media#why Liam's been off on social media too (that plus Sprigg#poor man 😭😭😭)#my heart goes out to him Q and the kids#that's not an easy time#i hope it continues to get easier for him every day#sam riegel#critical role#crit role#fuck cancer
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fred andrews really watched his son get convicted for murder, get sent to juvie/prison, escape, then run away after being exhonerated, and when mr andrews finally finds him, instead of being like "hey archie let's get you home get you some therapy and work on that martyr complex of yours", decides to drive his teenage son to the canadian border and say "damn it sure would be nice if we could live in the wilderness together, to bad we can't ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" even though there's literally no reason he can't go with him and gives archie their dog before DRIVING AWAY AND ACTING AS THOUGH HE NEVER SAW HIS SON.
#and people are really out there saying he's the only decent parent in riverdale#rule number one of riverdale: there are no good parents#fred andrews#riverdale#riverdale season 3#archie andrews#i mean listen#i understand that most media centered around kids/teens needs the parents to be a little absent or bad in order for the plot to work#bc if the parents are present and taking care of their kids then it's less likely they'll get into as much trouble as they do#and i'm not against that as a plot device in the slightest!#but when characters esp teens act as tho a parent is the best that doesn't mean that it's true#obvs fred's one of the better ones since he's one of the few not directly tied to a murder#but he's not great!#anyway#can you tell i'm rewatching riverdale season 3 lol#thinking a lot about the core four's relationships with their dads this rewatch#and about veronica and jughead parallels#but that's another post#myposts
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This is not really a question but just popping into say that I am OBSESSED with your boy king Seb au.
Is this partially because Seb is my favourite driver? Yes. Is this partially due to the fact that history and by extension, historical fiction one of my favourite things ever? Yes.
This is a really random tangent but when you mentioned the AU being loosely based on the Spanish War of Succession, I was like I recognise this but from where? I looked it up and realised that I learnt a little about it when I studied Louis XIV. This also reminded of how much I used to love making fun of Louis XIV as well.
This just struck me as I was writing this but since Fernando is based on Philip and if I remember correctly comes from Renault (basically) in this au, would that make Flavio Briatore the Louis XIV in this universe...
Sorry for the really long text - I got carried away lmao
Nooooo don't apologize!! I absolutely love long asks, and I'm so glad you like the au so much!!!! That makes me so haopy to hear 🥹 But you're so real, this au does in fact stem from my obsessions with my f1 boys and history. I'm very happy to have found a way to combine my two major interests into one thing 🤭🤭 But as I said to someone earlier today, it often feels like this AU is just a way for me to force-feed people niche history trivia LOL
Imagining Flavio as Louis XIV gave me a heart attack sjkfkflf, that man cannot and should not have that amount of power 😭 Flavio is Fernando's top advisor!! I think he works better as someone working behind the scenes, in the shadows, the little devil on Fernando's shoulder. I like to imagine he's some merchant who gained enough reputation and favor, that Fernando's father or smth was like, yeah sure you can be my son's advisor....not knowing he'd become king later on.
I think he obviously genuinely really cares for Fernando and makes decisions in his best interest but uhhhhh is not upset when it also happens to put a bit of money in his own pocket. I imagine he was like, super gung-ho about the arranged marriage, and giving fernsndo all these platitudes like "don't you think this is your best chance at being King 🥺 maybe you can find true love 🥺" but then is also making deals behind the scenes sjkfkv. Just constantly doing mental arithmetic, weighing out and balancing how much he's benefitting Fernando, and how much he's benefitting himself. Also lol, I like to imagine he tries to be all schemey with Seb, but then can't help but become endeared with him(reminds him of a younger Fernando 🤧)
#im not sure who louis xiv would be hmmmm#i thought maybe Prost#but getting into the generation pre-Charles VI and such is opening up a giant can of worms 😭#im not mentally prepared trying to figure out all of those politics and roles haha#but yeah tps! all of them are advisors. and yknow all have their own ways of advising#tho i rly do find flavio particularly amusing. man he would do so well in this era#hes just casually trying to convince Fernando w the marriage and Fernando sees thru him like. ik what youre doing here#but knows even if flavio is doing a lot of shit that he rly does care for fernando most of all#maybe Fernando's father in this au was somewhat absent and flavio accidentally ended up filling that role#when he got offered the advisor position he wasnt expecting a *kid*#okay sry you didnt ask for this lore but im giving it to you anyways jdkfkg#catie.asks.#boy king au
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hearing so many ppl talk about their dads is so fucking depressing like wdym ur dad didn't learn the names of your teachers or friends???
#my dad literally worked abroad for nearly 7 yrs of my childhood and still did more housework than some of my friends' dads#insane that it's so normalised for dad's to just be absent parents wtf#I won't deny that my family falls into some stereotypes#like my dad earns more and tends to do more of the 'fun stuff' than the organisational bits of raising kids#but like he consistently knows what's going on in our lives and when he's home he actually contributes to the house#by doing pretty much all the laundry as well as a lot of the cooking and cleaning#he also organises my brother's piano lessons - the teacher kept trying to email my mum about it even tho she knows fuck all about music#sorry random rant#the way I've seen/heard people talk about their dad's often makes me very sad
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Yaoi has poisoned all of your fucking brains !!
#Yakuza HATEblog#i dont want to hear about the new yakuza trailer where kiryu proposed to soemone he wouldnnever do that thats so scary#also they refered to sayama as the cop lady like please show some respect to her she didnt be annoying for you to forget her#ive become homophobic now because i hated seeing a particular post so much like that will never happen you are crazy#like no this isnt how kzmj can win they have never even once considered a future together because kiryus foreplanning ended when he lost#his brother and majima has spent half her life waiting for saejima to come back like they have more important things to worry about#and kiryu is not able to share his kids with anybody he cant simultaneously raise haruka with someone he has to either be a single dad or an#absent dad no in between and sometimes haruka is left parentless in the middle of that mess but its not kiryus problem hes driving cars amd#beating people up .... well he does care sorry for insinuating he doesnt ... he thinks about his kids every day#but i guarantee you he does not think about majima every day i swear it to you he does not care about her that much !!! i have to forever#stress this doesnt mean that he hates majima but it simply means that shes not his priority AND SHE WILL NEVER BE !!! kiryu will never#risk it all just for a suckle on that majiwilly like he doesnt like her that much ... if kiryu didnt even give majima so much as a phonecall#when he was ignoring her the entirety of y3 AFTER tossing her back to the wolves just so he can play house at okinawa.. hes not going to#suddenly realise that he wants to spend the rest of his life with majima hes going to be pondering how miserable he is while beating the#fuck out of people because sorry i didnt actually pay attention to the gaiden stuff is kiryu a hitman now or some sort of mercenary either#way its so hot that hes paralleled by y0 majima because hes so depressed and wants to kill himself and forced to wear a nice suit and do#things he doesnt want to while being kept on a tight leash like hohooho ... have sex with me ...!!!#im going to kill him myself to put him out of his misery if i have to ... just let kiryu run off to america and join the cia im kidding but#wait i just thought of him actually running off and sayama pulling some strings in the force to keep people from looking for him because#shes like a bigshot cop now ... i think she should be able to cradle him gently and keep him like a show cat#a shivering wet penis in the rain and she takes him in and gives him a loving home ... i feel a little embarrassed talking about hetships#but the concept of kiryu just being in her house and living with her is making me laugh like wow ... hes straight now.... like obviously hes#still not going to be like lets get married 🥰 but sayama would want to... i believe that she could forge their documents so kiryu isnt an#illegal immigrant anymore and she gives him an american name so john yakuza can become real ... its like a fake dating au but they really#arent dating theyre just having sex and acting out scenes from a kdrama but eventually kiryu will have to go back because hes so sad#without his kids and he needs to see them one last time to pass away peacefully. sorry i just remembered how much older kiryu was than#sayama like thats a bit funny ... like i still think kiryu should be into older guys or girls but like we cant always have that happen#like how majimas options for getting fucked by creepy old guys are getting lesser year by year because those old geezers keep dying and hes#old now too ... like theyre so old thats fucked. i know ive been saying how kzmj can never win but i do think majima should breastfeed kiryu
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On the one hand, if Marquis Yan hadn't been such a deadbeat Jiujiu then maybe Prince Yu would have been a better candidate for Emperor. On the other hand we saw what being a good candidate for Emperor with a powerful and involved uncle did for Prince Qi, so possibly Marquis Yan actually prolonged Prince Yu's life and saved his kid.
#seriously Yan Que is so lucky in Yujin#he left that baby alone with xie yu!#(and coparents)#I'd say that's worse than leaving a kid along with the empress and emperor but xie yu actually has a perfect childrearing record#that's what three excellent coparents will do for you#you can be Xie Yu and still go three for three on lovely children#i mean I know that we don't actually know how Yan Que ended up estranged from his sister and how much access he'd have had to prince yue if#he'd tried but consider she is lonely and isolated and really wants support for her son!#and she was sixteen when she married into the palace! and he calls her a disgrace just for being slightly evil#like are his sister and her kid exactly his responsibility? no. am I being unfair? yes. but damn dude!!! you give up on literally everyone#but he's so dismissive of them and also so absent in Yujin's life it's not hard for me to be like well MAYBE#if you'd bothered to contribute you'd actually have some influence here >:(#nif for block
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Idk maybe it's fine to accept Sada and Turo are just really shitty parents who neglected and abandoned Arven instead of pulling the shortest straws in an attempt to make them seem like they were just sad workaholics who got too caught up in their work like a bad hallmark movie
#like honestly seeing the straws pulled on my dashboard is like...really?#'oh they had two pictures of him!!' they had a picture of him as a toddler and the other was of his dog#by a cabinet full of their trophies and a messy eating area btw not by their bed#'oh well ai said-' ai literally felt so bad for that kid that they felt like they had to make him feel loved by them#and even arven knew it was bullshit and told them to stop#'oh well-' he's referred to as ''the boy'' in their PERSONAL journals that right there shows they don't love him#arven having basic necessities doesn't mean they loved him it's that they knew how to make sure he didn't starve to death#he literally learned how to cook BECAUSE they weren't there so they even failed on that part#you can't say you love your child just because you give them food and clothes and a place to sleep that's REQUIRED of a parent#like wow they have ONE WHOLE PICTURE of arven when he was like 6 they must love him so much /s#literally arven is so traumatized by how he was neglected and abandoned why are excuses being made for his adult parents#i think it really reflects how some people who turned to pokemon as an escape see their own relationship with their parents#because yeah i def know what that's like to be given basic care and not the emotional parts of parenting#and it means people have to confront some shit that's pretty heavy#listen you having basic things like a place to sleep clothes and food doesn't mean you were loved#if your parents were constantly absent/only saw you when they wanted something/always talked about work/were never there for you/etc-#then that's something you gotta talk to your therapist about#treating your kid like a pet store fish isn't love and arven was treated like a pet store fish#people gotta realize that if you feel the need to make excuses for his parents what excuses you're making for your own or other parents#because damn realizing that stuff hits like a brick#this is a rant because arven's issues hit really hard with me playing through the game#and it's big bruh moment seeing people trying to take copium for sada and turo#they're shitty parents end of story#like it's not rocket science tbh but damn therapy is a thing some people need for how far you're reaching for some love between them all#there wasn't and there's not. the two pictures aren't 'evidence' of love#just like damn#rosebud posting 💐#pokemon#pokemon sv spoilers
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I think a lot about how Trish says that she can still sense that Diavolo is alive when he's in the death loop. That just sounds miserable to me; imagine if you constantly felt your abusive father's presence even after he's "taken care" of
#child abuse tw#another problem i have with the infinite death thing ngl#though i suppose that could mirror the effect an abusive parent would have on a kid#even after you're far away from your abuser for good that kind of thing sticks with you and never fully goes away#speaking of which. the one time diavolo actually kind of scared me as a villain was the one time he and trish actually interacted#diavolo is a very exaggerated evil dad to the point where it's not comparable to most real abusive parents if that makes sense#he's her absent father who turns out to be a crime boss that wants to kill her. that doesn't map on to many real life scenarios much#but when trish uses her stand against him and he says ''if only you'd never been born... now you've REALLY made me mad'' and guts her#that was the one point that made me go. holy shit that kind of feels like something a real abusive parent would say#does that make sense? i hope so#rambles#short posts
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I watch shows like Spy x Family and Bluey and feel such joy and warmth but also bitter jealousy. I can never watch the ending theme for Spy x Family (Comedy) without tearing up because that's it. That's all I wanted. All little me wanted were two parents that preferably loved each other, but even if they didn't, they would at least love me.
#absent father#childhood emotional neglect#i can't say that they didn't love me because there's no way for me to actually know#but i will say they didn't meet any of my emotional needs#neither of my parents even hugged me as a kid#my dad never came to see me even though once a year he'll tell me he misses me#when i babysat kids as a teenager i showed them much more care than either of my parents showed me#all my mom cares about are my achievements
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...
#I CAN'T#blocking someone on ao3 isn't enough#i need to explode them#i blocked someone for making rude and weird comments under my kid fic about neil being an absent/bad father#because he... *checks notes* leaves his only child with her other father (andrew) to keep her safe from danger and comes around when he can#and they're acting like neil's neglecting her and not just staying away because of said danger#anyway that was months ago and i see them under another kid fic#asking the author not to make neil a bad father#🤨🤨#WHEN I GET YOOOOOU#ALSO THAT'S SUCH A WEIRD THING TO COMMENT ON PEOPLE'S FICS#if you don't like the way a fic is going because it's not 100% fluff#please. PLEASE write your own omg 😭#neil has a fucked up life#not everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows#especially if nathan is still present#sorry for the rant but I'M IN DISBELIEF#if you've read my fic you'd know neil absolutely loves their kid#mine
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sorry i can't get over this but the reason i had to help in math is because the kid had to be absent from school a couple (max) of days and their teacher explains stuff different from their books but also doesn't explain again for people who didn't get it and also she doesn't make materials available
#so he had to study by himself from the book even though it's a slightly different method from the one all of his classmates are using#he is twelve .#like ?????? hello????? wtf#when i was in school and someone was absent the teachers made sure there was someone that would bring homework to them ? with the lessons#anyway of course the kid is feeling insecure on the topics !!
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speaking of my nextgen is it controversial to be like “yay i made a nextgen of this show i like” and then not give the main character any kids at all LMAO
#my perception is like… ash is a traveler first and foremost and hes restless and cant stay in one place#even if he knows he has a home in pallet town its just in his nature to seek out new places#and i think his dad was the exact same way. except he left ash and delia alone to do it#and ash probably feels guilty enough as is just leaving delia and he remembers how he felt when his dad never came home#in my hc they hadn’t actually talked since he was around 6 bc his dad was. shitty tbh#and decided ‘’nah i dont wanna be tied down to a kid for the rest of my life’’#and ash has a ton of conflicting feelings abt his dad and being so similar to him in that theyre both restless#so i think he would just refuse to have kids bc he doesnt want to do that to them#this isnt to say he WOULD 100% repeat the cycle and be an absent dad. the difference between them is that he doesnt just ghost em#(at least in my hc he keeps in contact w everyone bc i dont like that the show implies otherwise)#and he does still visit a lot and call his mom and make time for friends#but hes just nervous that he would put a child in the same situation he was in and he wouldnt want to do that#and also i think he just doesnt want to take care of a kid and prefers his pokemon#and very much prefers being an uncle to all of his friends’ kids#echoed voice
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