#he wanted to be the only human connection i had

[coldkingwasteland456777]

Ok wait i just read the tags and this got even better, I love the Heavenly Demon version of the abyss, (love thinking about how long it would take for Binghe to clean Shen quingqiu's blood off his sword, like every time he looks at it he almost throws up but if he goes to clean it he just hears SQ manically apologising for staining his sword with his unclean blood and just *can't*)

Ok because in the heavenly demon version I assume Binghe is still the protagonist and SQ is the big bad that reappears and has to be defeated in a glorious battle and obviously SQ had internalised a view of LB as his executioner that is disgusted by him and so after going through the torture of the abyss and then finding Xin mo which obviously does not help his sanity he unexpectedly runs into Binghe in Jinlan city (I'm thinking he's going through the path of joining Hua Hua palace sect because as a heavenly demon essentially demons flock around him in the demon realm so he's trying to avoid his canon fate as a Demon Emperor that has to be put down by becoming a righteous cultivator that blends into Hua Hua palace and never has to come into contact with LB BECAUSE the system disconnected as he fell into the abyss because like in canon Luo Binghe is the power source so SQ could do whatever in the abyss and when he got out he only took Xin Mo because he had no other way out and now he's got the sword he's under it's influence and it's not letting go. also because SQ is so lovely that everyone that knows him is outraged at Binghe for casting him off as his disciple or if he's going with the lie that he was kidnapped at the conference by demons and only just managed to fight he way out now then they can be outraged binghe didn't look hard enough for him, which is hilarious because in reality every moment binghe could spare he was using to find way to break into the abyss despite knowing he as a human could not survive) so basically when they have they're unexpected reunion SQ is both terrified and furious, even though he does'nt want to draw the protagonists ire and get executed early (and he doesn't want to hurt Binghe), binghe represents his death and his presence has re awoken the system which is the reason he just had to through years of torture.

So, SQ is so calm, incredibly calm, and his behaviour is appropriate for reuniting with a Peak Lord because of course they have no other connection. He is not holding by any feral rage by the skin of his teeth and he's definitely just not looking LB in the eye because he doesn't want to get even more of his attention.

From LB perspective, he is having an out of body experience he is so overwhelmed, all higher functions have shut down, he's just kinda, staring at SQ (genuinely questioning if he's hallucinating) but then one of the Hua Hua ask SQ a question like "Shen-shidi" and he's like ok, ok, this is real, and his chokes out "Shen Quingqiu?" and SQ, doesn't even *look* at him, and the wave of euphoria kinda breaks when he rapidly is crushed by the truth that of course SQ hates him of course! He must despise him because everything was his fault and-

so much mental spiralling happens, and he ends up fainting and when he wakes up Mu Qingfang asks him what happened, has he been infected and so and so but he can barely get a word out before LB demands to know where SQ is and then MQ gets that familiar sad sympathetic look in his eyes that LB despises because SQ is *not dead* but then he starts freaking because of course SQ is not dead but *of course* but what if he's not here? What if it wasn't real? (he's experienced this sort of situation many times, so he sprints out of the infirmary before anyone can stop him and sprints to where the Hua Hua disciples are staying and bursts in demanding to speak to SQ and of course the HH disciples are angry and deny him entry and so he goes to push through them because they don't matter and see SQ slip out the window

SQ is is like i'm fucked, my death is now, clearly the protagonist is hunting me down because despite everything I've done, despite the fact I haven't even hurt anyone and I didn't choose this I deserve to die-- and basically goes down that spiral as he runs through the city, he's either so discombobulated he forgets to teleport or he's used too much qi to be able to teleport right now so he's stuck and also the sword is particularly bloodthirsty because its hungry which isn't healing SQ handle on his growing fury at his inevitable death

So when LB catches up and corners him in an alley because of course, SQ thinks, the protagonist would find him because he never had any chance since he was thrown into this dumpster fire of a world!

So LB grasp at his shoulder desperately trying to tell if this is real and SQ, just, snaps, completely

He slams LB into the wall, cracking his head against it and screams at him and at the same time loses control of his human disguise and LB pretty dazed, from the possible concussion, the fact he can feel SQ he alive, he's real- and the slightly nonsensical screaming

I don't quite know where it would go from their but it would be fun if SQ mauled LB a bit, maybe ended up feeding him his blood (LB didn't understand what was happening but he just drunk the blood without protest because he's insane) and then HH and cultivators from other sects come across them due to system meddling and because SQ is so out of it, he's easily knocked out but the one thing he does before the fight is knock LB out with his blood parasites because he still perceives him as the biggest threat

so LB wakes up AGAIN, but this time he's told that Hua Hua palace has 'kindly taken responsibility for missing a demon in their midst and taken SQ to the water prison for execution' and of course all of Cang Qiong are protesting but LB hears this and IMMEDIATELY goes to break out SQ out of prison

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[valerie-is-in-the-cupboard]

Viktor... - Viktor x reader

Arcane Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Words: ~1100 TW: none

"Viktor!" you shouted, but the man never seemed to even consider stopping. "Viktor, wait!" Your desperation was growing stronger with every step, tears slowly blurring your vision.

Was this what he wanted? To disappear? Leaving you behind like you were nothing?

"Did I do something wrong?" your voice echoed as the man you once loved turned away, the dark cloak gracefully falling onto his new body. He wouldn't have even stopped to look at you if it wasn't for Jayce to tell you he was leaving. His body froze, his mind racing with the new sensations he felt. He slowly turned, strands of hair stuck to his forehead.

"No! I have to…" the hurt in his voice obvious. "I'm not…" he hesitated, not sure what to say next. Was he even alive? Was he even human? "I don't even know what I am anymore…"

You cautiously stepped towards him, taking in his features. He was suffering before, you knew that. He lost a lot of weight in the past years… His sickness was getting stronger, day by day, but now… Now he was standing in front of you, on his own legs. Now he was standing taller, the weakness you once saw in him gone.

Your hand pressed against his cheek, but he wasn't met with the warmth he once felt - it was something unusual. Peaceful, but not in a way he was able to understand. It was electrical, mechanical, not human-like. It was like a fire started underneath your palm, but it didn't hurt. His hand hesitantly touched yours, something that resembled a heartbeat seemingly getting stronger. Was it still his heart?

"I know what you are…" you said, the familiar brown eyes looking at you, their softness ever so unchanged.

"I killed Sky…" his voice trembled slightly, your heart skipping a beat. You were the first he ran to when this happened. The first to know everything he never let anyone know. You were the first to see him for who he really was. And now, thinking that you might be afraid of him, it made his body ache in unpleasant, strange ways. "I am murderer…" he eventually continued, his words quieter than they were in those many nights you spent together, hoping not to wake up anyone.

You just now realised the roughness of this new "skin", the coldness in it, a contrast to his gentle touches. Different from the way he used to worship you any chance he got. You were his only reason to continue fighting. His only reason to continue his research - because maybe, one day, your lives will be better. But the roughness was just on the surface... somehow, you could still feel the warmth. The kindness in his soul was as it always has been - unparalleled.

"No…" You softly said, cupping his cheeks. The touch sent a wave of energy coursing through him, not with the intensity of a shock, but with a steady, unyielding pull that reminded him of life itself. It felt like a promise, something soft yet grounding, pulling him back from the edge of despair. “You’re my Viktor…” The words hung in the air between you, their weight settling in the space around you both. Viktor didn’t move at first.

His eyes stayed locked on yours, searching for any trace of doubt, any sign that you might be lying. For a long moment, neither of you spoke. His breath came slower, almost as if he was afraid to exhale, fearful that the fragile connection you had could shatter with a single movement.

Viktor’s forehead found its peace against yours, just as it always did. But this time, there was a tremble in his touch, a hesitant pause before his lips parted to speak again. The gentle pulse of your shared breath seemed to reverberate through your bodies, and for a moment, the world outside of this fragile moment disappeared. You could feel the echo of his heartbeat, faint and distant, but still there, somehow keeping him tethered to you. "And nothing could make me not want to follow you until the end of the time…"

A small smile crept on his face, your words seemingly reassuring him, even if just a little, that maybe he was not as inhuman as he thought he was. "I can't ask you to follow me…" he told you, knowing that it would perhaps mean the end of your life. Knowing that it might bring you more pain than his disappearance would have.

"Of course you don't…" you chuckled. "But I will anyway. I always did as I pleased, right?" the sound of his soft laugh made your heart jump, your ears enlightened as you heard it.

His fingers intertwined with yours, the whole world becoming silent, almost nonexistent. In the stillness of the moment, this touch was a silent understanding, a bond that spoke louder than words ever could. Your souls were connected once again, just as they were always meant to be. Fighting to find each other, fighting to find peace once again and now… fulfilled that they were finally reunited.

"It's not gonna be easy…" he warned, pressing a light kiss on your temple before he moved away, the coldness of his absence making you shiver.

"It's never been… But we managed…"

He smiled and all of the stimulus he felt stopped. Something similar to peace conquered his form now. Something stronger than whatever the Hexcore was doing to him.

You pressed his hand against your chest, the vibrations of your heartbeat resonating through him. You could see his mouth slightly opening in fascination at the intensity of his senses.

"Can you feel it?" you asked. "Can you feel it beating under your touch?"

Viktor’s fingers tightened around your wrist, as if afraid to let go. For a moment, he said nothing. His chest rose and fell in uneven breaths, a mix of disbelief and awe flickering in his expression.

"I can't promise you I'm the same..." he whispered, his voice trembling as if uncertain whether this was real.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, a powerful pain overcoming it at his words. "Whatever IT'll happen, I will face it with you. I know I want this, just please... Please don't push me away." He caressed your cheek, a weak smile on his face as he saw the determination in your eyes. The world became still. It was peaceful now. The past was a distant memory. The future - uncertain.

But the present felt just right.

[milktiicup]

Can you make a Mr. Silver or Mr.Machete fic. I've barely seen any fics of them :(, just kinda been consuming what I can for a fic. The most common ones I encounter are Mr.Crawling and Mr.Scarletta (which I've finished all of them possibly)...

Any tag is good, fluff, angst, uh... smut? I'm just gonna read anything since I'm so content-deprived 😭

anatomy of feeling

He saw you as a research subject, and you doubt he even saw you as a friend. And yet, you let him cut you open, spread you apart and put you back together. The least he could do is kiss you in return, right?

‧₊ ᵎᵎ 🌊 ⋅ ˚✮ hhelellooooo have this mr silvair fic realising he actually kinda likes u lol

warnings. AAAAAAAANGST, unrequited feelings (kind of), mr silvair typical research (u know what i mean), hurt/comfort, HAPPY ENDING! :D

You don’t mind being a test subject- you were too far gone to even consider going home anymore. You were human, you were monster- and now you’re somewhere in between that you don’t have anywhere you can exactly call home, but Mr. Silvair was ‘kind’ enough to lend you his room, a bed to sleep on, all in exchange of hacking your body to a mushy pile of meat from time to time!

It’s not an ideal situation to be in, head over heels on the guy who researches your body inside out- and it’s not like he even likes you- you’re not even sure if Mr. Silvair is one to understand romantic feelings, anyway.

You remember the first day he indulged you- missing human skin to skin contact, missing a real connection to somebody. Mr. Gap had so kindfully lent you a magazine from the human world, and you can only imagine he gave you it free of charge because you were so down. Of course, it just had to be a magazine promoting some romance movie, the lead couple all snuggled up and kissing on the front page.

You broke down crying. You mean, of course Mr. Gap meant well, but really? It was an embarrassing state you were in, fat tears running down your face and dropping onto your legs.

Mr. Silvair had found you, obviously. Your new home was a research room. 

“You okay?” he asked, lips tugging into a frown. “Pain? Hurt?”

“Sad,” you corrected, using your raincoat sleeve to dry your eyes. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Me sad. Miss home. Want home.”

Mr. Silvair kneeled down in front of you. “This home.”

You bit your lip, and looked away. “Miss…” Stuff? Things? “...stuff from home.” You gesture to the magazine. “Humans. Touch.”

“Miss this?” he questioned, taking a seat beside you. He picked up the magazine, eyeing the front cover through his bandaged eyes, and flipped through the pages momentarily. “What miss?” 

You pointed to the front page. “...This ‘kiss.’”

“Mouth touch?”

You nodded. “Mouth touch.”

“Kish?”

You shook your head. “Kisssss,” you hissed the words out. 

“Kisssss,” he repeated, your hiss echoing.

You giggled, cheeks still wet from your tears. You wipe your eyes once more. “Miss kiss. Miss hug. Miss… human touch.”

Mr. Silvair set the magazine down and faced you. He patted the spot next to him, and you scooched yourself over. He tilted his head at you, a smile on his face. “Me kiss you?” he asked, and you froze. “Kiss you, you happy. Interested in kiss.”

The weight of his words settled over you like an uncertain storm. You studied Mr. Silvair’s face. The suggestion caught you off guard, yet his sincerity was unmistakable.

Your lips parted to speak, but no words came. Could he even comprehend what he was offering? Did he understand what kissing meant to humans, or was he simply trying to imitate the concept based on your longing? He had always been practical, clinical even, in his interactions.

Who were you kidding? Of course he doesn’t understand. He saw you as a research subject, and you doubt he even saw you as a friend. And yet, you let him cut you open, spread you apart and put you back together.

The least he could do is kiss you in return, right? 

You nodded, and Mr. Silvair didn’t make a move to kiss you at all.

“Teach kiss,” he said.

Oh. Right.

His lips, cold as they were, carried a surprising softness, almost cushiony. It was strange, almost surreal, feeling such a delicate part of him when so much of your life in his presence had been sharp edges, instruments, and prodding hands. There was no pressure in the kiss, no demand- just a willingness to learn. It was methodical, curious, like an experiment he was determined to get right.

After that moment, his kisses were a frequent part of your life. He sliced you, diced you, and put you back together and kissed you so softly afterwards that whatever remaining pain you felt was an afterthought. 

And you still weren’t happy. His kisses were to keep you in check, to keep you from being a sad little subject. And of course, your body may not be human, but your feelings and heart were. It just reminded you that no matter how much he touched you, or when he learned where to put his hands as the kisses deepened, that he was still unattainable. He still wasn’t yours, but you were his. 

“You okay?” he asks, offering you a hand off of the table. “Mind flawed? Shape flawed?” 

“I’m okay,” you reply with a shake of your head, and grasping his hand. “Mind good.”

Mr. Silvair smiles, wrapping an arm around your waist and interlocking your fingers together. His head ducks down, silver hair falling off of his shoulder and presses his lips to yours. You close your eyes, indulge in the moment, and move your lips against his.

It hurt.

It was like pressing against a bruise you couldn't stop prodding- painful, but addictive in its familiarity. Because no matter how much you wished otherwise, you couldn’t forget that these kisses weren’t rooted in love or desire. They were a kindness, a calculated gesture to keep you "fixed," to stabilise his research subject.

And you couldn’t bear it anymore.

It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know what his closeness did to you- how much it fed the ache of your loneliness while also making it worse. He didn’t understand the depths of your feelings, and he never would. For him, this was just another experiment, another connection to study and emulate. But for you, it was everything.

So you decided, silently and painfully, to stop kissing him.

The next time he leaned in, tilting his head expectantly, you pulled away ever so slightly. “Not now,” you murmured, offering a small, strained smile. He tilted his head, confusion flickering over his face, but didn’t press further.

At first, it seemed like nothing had changed. He continued his work as usual, observing, dissecting, and repairing you with the same meticulous care. But when the moments came- those pauses where he’d normally press his lips to yours- you’d shift away, redirecting the moment with a comment or a question.

And he noticed.

At first, he didn’t say anything, but you saw the way his brows furrowed whenever you turned away, the way his hands hovered near you, uncertain. He started lingering after procedures, watching you with an intensity that made your chest tighten. You could tell he was waiting, expecting.

One day, after yet another procedure, he hesitated longer than usual. His hand brushed against yours, his face mere inches away as he whispered, “Sad again?”

You shook your head quickly, forcing a smile. “No. Not sad.”

He frowned. “No kiss,” he said, more a statement than a question. His voice carried a weight you hadn’t heard before. 

You swallowed hard.“I don’t need it,” you said softly, though your heart screamed otherwise. “I’m okay.”

He stepped back slightly, his expression unreadable. For a moment, you thought he’d let it go. But then he spoke, “Kiss… make you happy.”

Your chest ached at the simplicity of his words, the sincerity behind them. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know how much more it hurt to keep pretending, to keep grasping at something that wasn’t real.

“It’s not about that,” you said, your voice trembling. “I’m okay. Really.”

Mr. Silvair didn’t respond. Instead, he nodded slowly, and turned away.

In the days that followed, he grew quieter. His usual precision faltered, his movements distracted. He still cared for you, still treated you with the same careful attention, but the pauses- the moments where he’d once leaned in for a kiss- were now filled with silence.

One evening, after he injected the medicine into your arm, you heard him speak from across the room. “No kiss… you not happy.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you turned your head to look at him. He sat at his desk, his hands clasped tightly together, his head bowed.

“It’s not that simple,” you whispered, tears stinging your eyes. You blinked them back. Just how much more of this could you take before you break fully, and he couldn’t put you back together anymore? 

He looked up, his bandaged eyes meeting yours as though he could see straight through you. “Me not enough?” 

The words broke something inside you. Because he wasn’t enough- not for what you wanted, not for what you needed. But the truth was, you weren’t enough for him either. You couldn’t make a man who doesn’t understand like you. Any attempt was futile. 

So you stayed silent, letting the weight of your unrequited feelings hang in the air between you.

Days passed, and the silence between you and Mr. Silvair grew heavier, though neither of you addressed it directly. You carried the weight of your feelings alone, trying to convince yourself that distancing was the right choice. Meanwhile, his quiet melancholy lingered, each unspoken word from him carving a deeper ache in your chest.

But then, one evening, everything changed.

You sat on the bed, fiddling absentmindedly with the corner of your raincoat. Mr. Silvair had been working at his desk for hours, his silver hair catching the faint light as he scribbled notes and adjusted instruments. You thought he was too absorbed in his research to notice you, but suddenly, he turned.

“I…” he began, his voice hesitant, and he stood up, walking toward you with slow, deliberate steps.

You glanced up, startled. “What is it?”

He stopped just in front of you. Your legs hung off the bed. “You… stay sad,” he said, his voice quieter than usual. “No pain. No hurt. Shape good. Mind good. Why?”

The question hit you harder than you expected. You took a shaky breath and shrugged. “It’s… hard to explain.”

“Explain,” he pressed, his tone more insistent. “Want you happy.”

It was as if someone had dumped ice cold water on top of you. Want you happy. Why? He shouldn’t have cared in the first place if you were happy or not- he should’ve just cared that you were sound of mind, and not trying to kill everything in this place. Your hands shook. Your breathing picked up. Your heart hammered uncomfortably against your rib cage.

Your fists clenched. You scowled. “Why care?” I’m nothing but a subject. “Me… only research.”

Your question caught him by surprise. He frowns, and takes a seat next to you on the bed. Mr. Silvair is silent for a moment, processing, thinking. “Not-...” he stops himself. You gaze at him from the corner of your eye, his fists clenching and unclenching in his lap. “Not only research.”

Great. Friendzoned. 

“You don’t understand,” you say, “You don’t feel like I feel, Mr. Silvair. You can’t understand.” And under your breath, you utter, “Told me that a million times already…” 

“Teach me,” he said simply. 

Your breath caught at his words. They were so simple, so stark in their honesty, yet they cut through all your swirling thoughts. Teach him? How could you possibly teach someone like Mr. Silvair something as complex, as human, as love? Did he even have the capacity for it?

You stared at him, analysing. Was he being… for real? His bandaged eyes stared intently at you as if he could see straight into the messed up web of your emotions. His lips, which had been both your salvation and your torment, were pressed together in a slight, thoughtful frown.

“Teach you…” you repeated, your voice trembling. “How?”

He tilted his head. “Teach ‘kiss,’” he pointed out softly. “Teach this. This feeling.”

You knew better than to believe in it. He didn’t know what it meant to love, not in the way you felt it, not in the way humans could. He was a scientist, a researcher, so lost in his experiments that he’d forgotten what it meant to simply feel without measuring it, calculating it, dissecting it into pieces. He wanted to understand, yes- but could he really? 

“Can’t…” you mumbled. “I don’t think I can. Cannot learn to feel. You don’t feel like me.”

Mr. Silvair’s frown deepened, and he reached out, his cold fingers brushing yours. The touch was hesitant, almost unsure, but it made your heart ache all the same. “Feel... something,” he said, voice low. “When you sad, me… don’t like.”

You stared at him, startled. It wasn’t a declaration of love, not by any means, but it was more emotion than you’d ever heard from him before. More than you thought he could express.

“Why?” you whispered. “Why do you care if I’m sad?”

He hesitated again, his fingers tightening slightly around yours. You half expected an Me interested in you, but… “You… important,” he said haltingly, as though the words themselves were foreign to him. “You hurt, me feel wrong. Dislike. Interested in you… care you.”

Your heart ached. “You’re serious?”

He nodded. “Want you happy. Interested… learn. Want learn.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, hope stirred in your chest. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t the fairy tale romance you’d dreamed of, but it was real.

“Then… let’s figure it out. Together.”

A faint smile tugged at his lips. “Together.”

This time, when he leaned in, you didn’t pull away. The kiss was still awkward, still unsure, but it carried a warmth that hadn’t been there before—a promise, fragile but genuine.

And for the first time, you felt like maybe, just maybe, you’d found a place to call home. Not in a room or a world, but in the arms of someone who wanted to learn how to care for you as much as you cared for him.

[hoe4hotchner]

Aaron Hotchner x non bau rich reader. Like a part 2. Reader meets the BAU but they are impressed like reader is so rich but humble and loves Aaron and Jack so much.

The mystery woman | [A.H]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x rich fem!reader | WC: 1.1k | CW: nothing it's fluff

A/N: I loooveeeeddd working on this!!!!!

Hotch's relationship with you had always been something of a mystery to his team. While he was naturally private about his personal life, the snippets they’d heard over time painted a picture of someone warm, grounded, and, to their surprise, immensely wealthy. It was something they hadn’t expected — someone who seemed to belong to an entirely different world yet had seamlessly become a part of Hotch and Jack’s.

They never pried — Hotch would have shut that down in an instant — but curiosity lingered nonetheless. For all his long hours, endless casework, and rarely taking a day off, somehow Hotch had managed to meet someone so different from the chaotic nature of the BAU. It wasn’t just your wealth that fascinated them; it was how easily you fit into his life. If anything, it only fueled their curiosity. How had someone as busy and emotionally guarded as Hotch caught someone like you?

It wasn’t lost on the team that Hotch rarely spoke about you unless someone specifically asked. Even then, he was usually brief — mentioning how you’d taken Jack to the park or baked cookies for a school event. But the way his expression softened at the mention of your name hinted at something deeper, something they all could sense but couldn’t quite pin down — something that hinted at a human connection he hadn't felt since Haley.

That curiosity finally found an outlet when you joined Aaron and Jack at Rossi’s dinner party.

Rossi had insisted that the whole BAU team come together, spouses included, determined to create an evening to wind down, where hopefully work could be forgotten for a while. Naturally, the team had been eager to meet you, though they hadn’t dared to push Hotch for details.

Hotch had paused just long enough for the team to notice before replying, almost offhandedly, that he wasn’t sure if you were coming when Rossi announced the party. Your schedule that week had been especially hectic, and he didn't want to pressure you to join if you didn't have the time. “She’s… busy,” he had said, the slight hesitation in his voice giving away a faint uncertainty about whether you’d even be able to attend.

It was enough for the team to conclude: you, too, were a workaholic. Of course, you were — you had to be, considering the kind of lifestyle and responsibilities they imagined you must manage. The thought only added to their intrigue. What kind of person juggled such an overwhelming schedule yet found time to date?

But what they didn’t know — what Hotch himself hadn’t quite expected — was how enthusiastic you were about attending. The moment you’d heard about the dinner, you had set to work rearranging your obligations, clearing your calendar, and delegating tasks. While your schedule may have been packed, you never hesitated to prioritize moments like these.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” you had told Aaron firmly, brushing aside his protest about how much effort it would take to move things around. The excitement in your voice had been unmistakable. It wasn’t just about meeting his team—it was about being there for him and Jack, stepping into a part of their world that mattered so much to them, about meeting their family, and showing how much you truly cared for them.

It was a side of you that Aaron cherished, though he rarely spoke of it to others: your ability to make time for the people you loved, no matter how busy life got. And now, as the dinner drew closer, the team’s long-standing curiosity was about to be answered.

When you arrived, dressed impeccably but not overly flashy, the team’s first impression was of someone who exuded elegance. The second thing they noticed — impossible to miss really — was the way Jack clung to your hand, his small fingers wrapped around yours like he never wanted to let go. His face lit up the moment you stepped through the door, his excitement bubbling over instantly.

“Uncle Dave, this is Y/N!” Jack declared proudly as he tugged you forward. “She’s the best. She makes the most awesome pancakes!”

The team exchanged amused glances, charmed by the adoration in Jack’s voice. Even Hotch, standing off to the side, looked relaxed with a rare smile on his lips as he watched the interaction.

You laughed and crouched slightly to tousle Jack’s hair. “Jack’s biased,” you teased as you glanced up at Rossi. Straightening, you extended a hand to greet him with a polite, confident handshake. “But I’ll take the compliment.”

Rossi grinned, shaking your hand firmly. “Well, anyone who can win over Jack is already a favorite in my book.”

The casual ease of the interaction left the rest of the team intrigued. While they had expected someone polished, they hadn’t anticipated such genuine warmth. You seemed entirely unaffected by the fact that you were meeting a room full of highly trained profilers. Instead, you carried yourself with a natural charm that immediately put everyone at ease, making it clear that, to you, this wasn’t a performance or an obligation.

And as Jack dragged you over to show you a plate of cookies Rossi had set out, the team couldn’t help but exchange glances. This was someone who had Jack’s trust and admiration. If there had been any lingering doubts about what kind of person had captured Aaron Hotchner’s heart, they were already starting to dissipate.

As the evening unfolded, the team couldn’t help but admire how effortlessly you navigated the gathering. You shared stories of your philanthropic ventures but downplayed your role in running them. When asked about your background, you focused on your hobbies and interests rather than the lavish lifestyle they knew you could easily flaunt.

But what stood out most was your connection with Aaron and Jack. You weren’t just present; you were integral. When Jack pulled you to sit with him, you leaned in to listen as if whatever he was saying was the most important thing in the world. And Aaron had a softness in his eyes when he looked at you.

At one point, JJ leaned toward Emily. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy.”

“Or Jack this smitten,” Emily added, watching as Jack giggled uncontrollably at some joke you whispered in his ear.

Later in the evening, Spencer approached you hesitantly, curious but respectful. “I hope this isn’t intrusive, but… how do you balance everything? Your work, your family, and, well…” He glanced at Aaron and Jack, who were chatting nearby.

You smiled, thoughtful. “It’s not always easy, but with him, it’s worth it. Jack too. They remind me that it’s not about how much you have or do — it’s about who you share it with.”

As the night ended, the team left with a newfound understanding of the person who had captured Hotch's heart. You weren’t just wealthy; you were kind, and deeply in love with Aaron and Jack. And for the first time in a long time, they saw their unit chief not as their leader who had gone through so much but as a man who’d found something extraordinary — someone extraordinary.

[robinsegghead]

Danny's Daycare Part 19

Masterlist Shortly after Danny and the boys had left everyone gathered in the cave. Those who hadn’t known about the Phantom/Danny situation were filled in so they could discuss what they’d learned that night as well as summon Phantom to tell him what they’d found. Dick was listening intently. Despite reading the files shortly before their company arrived, Dick wanted to be sure he had all the facts.

“So,” Steph frowned. “We’ve got a ghost king who’s claiming a branch of the American government called the GIW has been trying to experiment on and kill his people, a law called the Anti-Ecto-Acts which means it’s legal for them to do said experimenting and killing, and Danny who supposedly knows the ghost king and is affected by the law that makes him legal property of the government?”

Bruce nodded. “We are still trying to understand Danny’s connection to all of this and how it is that he’s affected by this law- as far as we can tell he’s entirely human. We aren’t sure how he would have come into contact with enough ectoplasm to deem him a ‘ghost’ but-”

Jason cleared his throat, effectively cutting Bruce off and silencing everyone in the cave. “I… may have left out… some details.”

“Oh no,” Tim cuts in. “Tell me you didn’t know.”

“Know what?” Bruce sighed, already clearly tired of this back and forth.

Tim crossed his arms and glared at Jason. “That Danny’s died before?”

That set everyone off. Dick himself didn’t know what to do with that information. He’d watched all night as Jason smiled at Danny, thinking no one would notice, and then he’d watched as Jason scolded the family for prying (he was right to do that they could obviously see Danny didn’t want to answer their questions) and chased after Danny when Santiago had dragged him off. They’d spent a lot of time outside before coming back in and everybody could tell something had changed. 

They were both more relaxed, stood slightly closer together, their eyes lingered on each other when they thought no one was looking, and Jason was actually laughing along with the family! It had been a long time since he’d seen little wing so happy and he wasn’t ashamed to admit; he’d gotten emotional about it. He didn’t want to think anything was up with Danny, he wanted to imagine Danny had a nice normal life, a good family, and a personality that would bring some happiness and normality to Jason’s life.

“What do you mean, Tim?” Bruce asked, cutting through all the other raised voices.

Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “When Kon came over he- well he wanted to see if Danny was hiding anything on his person. I’d filled him in a bit about the situation and he’s heard me trying to figure out what Danny’s deal is for a while now so he used a bit of X-ray vision and that’s why he dropped the pie. ‘Cause Danny’s got an autopsy scar.”

The cave was silent, everyone that’d been looking at Tim promptly looked towards Jason, waiting for an explanation. Jason swallowed visibly. “I… didn’t know that.”

“That he died or that he had an autopsy scar? ‘Cause it sounds like he’s got a lot more scars than that, Kon was… Kon said he’s only seen scarring that bad on people like us- vigilantes.” Tim pointed out.

Jason sighed, sitting a ways away from the family- a habit he’d picked up after coming back and needed to physically distance himself from them when he got overwhelmed. Dick had always hated how far his brother kept himself from them, tucking himself away behind an immovable wall, keeping his real feelings and thoughts blocked off, for his and their protection.

But instead of remaining apart, staying at the table he’d first sat at- that they’d all avoided in order to give him space- Jason stood and moved closer, closing the circle the family had formed. “I’m friends with Danny in and out of the mask.” He started, crossing his arms to protect himself from the closeness. “He’s told Jason some things and he’s told Hood some things and I…. didn’t feel right telling you all of it.”

“We need to know everything you know about him Jay-”

“No. You don’t.” Jason says firmly. “I will tell you what I’m comfortable telling you and then we can summon Phantom. Maybe he will tell you more, maybe he won’t. Maybe if you show up at his apartment in your tall, dark, and gloomy costume he’ll tell you what you want to know- but I’m not telling you everything he told me in confidence just to satisfy your curiosity. Didn’t you learn anything from dinner tonight?”

And- yeah, that was fair. They hadn’t been as nice to Danny as they should have, and while it was obvious in hindsight that they’d backed him into a corner, Dick really had just wanted to get to know the man. Danny was an enigma. Someone who’d befriended Damian, who’d brought down Jay’s walls, who’d expressed interest in Tim and his life, Danny was a good guy. Dick wanted to know everything he could about that man.

Bruce sighed, relenting, and Jason started talking. “I don’t know about the scarring. I do know he… died a long time ago.” The room tensed, Dick tensed. “He came back different- like me. But not- not like me. He was confused when I asked about Pit rage stuff. After coming back he did the whole teenage vigilante for a while to protect his town. He gave that stuff up a while back, traveled for a while, and ended up in Gotham.”

“Do you know who asked him to come here?” Tim interjected, getting the room's attention. “He said he was here as a favor. He said a friend asked him to come to Gotham and help out and that’s why he’s here. Do you think it was Phantom?”

Jason shrugged. “Phantom said they knew each other, he’s the ghost king and Danny was an undead kid vigilante who fought ghosts to protect his town. It’s possible I guess.” 

Tim had returned to the batcomputer, typing quickly and looking for something specific. Dick noticed Jason’s hand was shaking, clinging to his bicep in an effort to stop it and keep people from noticing, but Dick saw it. He was no Bruce- certainly no Tim- but he was a good ass detective and he noticed a lot more than some people thought. Especially when it came to the emotional state of his family members.

(Call it being an empath, call it a trauma response to Bruce’s emotional constipation his whole life, whatever, Dick could read emotions in others almost as well as Cass could read body language. He couldn’t always interpret exactly what it meant, but he noticed the little things. Jason’s hands shake he’s angry- usually when he’s pit ragey.)

Clapping his hands together, Dick tried to bring the mood up a bit. “Well, should we all change and get ready to summon Phantom? Where better to get our answers than directly from the horse’s mouth?”

“And then he asked Jason on a date!” Santiago finished.

“Come onnnnn.” Miguel groaned, smacking his head against the headrest dramatically. 

Danny wasn’t sure why Miguel seemed so upset by this news or why Santiago was so happy about it but he tried not to think about it too much as he pulled the car onto their street and felt a pulling in his gut.

“I don’t know what you see in him, Danny-” Danny felt Miguel’s eyes on him as he cut off. “What’s wrong?”

Concentrating on staying where he was and getting the boys home safely, Danny began to sweat. He could refuse the summoning if he wanted, push it away entirely and get rid of the sickening tug, but he really needed to figure out what Hood had gotten done concerning the GIW. So instead of outright refusing, he delayed, speeding up the car. “‘M getting summoned.” He managed, turning another corner sharply.

“Now?!” Santi shrieked as the car took one more sharp turn into their parking lot and came to a sudden halt.

Shutting off the car and hopping out, Danny gestured for them to follow. “Come on, quickly.” The tugging in his gut was starting to hurt and he wondered why he hadn’t just given Hood his Phantom number the last time they’d spoken. Tucker made you a Phantom phone specifically for this purpose! 

Once he’d ensured the boys were in their apartment safely, he allowed his transformation and the summoning to sweep over him. Relief washed over him as he felt his body be swept away before settling into a dark cave. Looking around, he found computers, weapons, vigilante gear- was he in the Batman lair?

“It’s called the Batcave.” Hood snorted. “Hey Spooks, mind turning down the light show?”

Oh, right. Letting the bright light that appeared every summoning, Danny floated closer to the ground and took note of all the vigilantes around him. He hadn’t exactly expected… well, all of Gotham’s vigilantes to be there during his next summoning. “Anything for you, Hood.” He winked towards the crime lord, earning him a scoff from Robin. 

“King Phantom-”

“Just Phantom.” Danny cut Batman off- Ancients he interrupted Batman. “I’m not really into the whole formality thing.”

Batman dipped his head subtly. “Phantom, Hood informed us of your situation and to say I was shocked was an understatement. I have a meeting with the Justice League scheduled for tomorrow to relay everything we know and figure out a plan to repeal the Anti-Ecto-Acts as quickly as possible.”

Danny nodded slowly. “I must admit, I’m surprised at how quickly you’ve acted. Nevertheless, I and my people extend our gratitude.”

“Why wouldn’t we act quickly?” Nightwing asked.

Pursing his lips, Danny crossed his arms. “Batman is paranoid, untrusting, and hates metas in his city unless they’re Signal.” He pointed at the yellow hero lazily. “And technically? Ghosts aren’t even metas, we’re other. Different. Wrong. Wasn’t sure how you’d all feel about that.”

“Batman would never allow such crimes to continue!” Robin snarled.

Danny’s lips quirked up, he liked Robin, despite the kid's snark. It was part of the appeal really, he had strong opinions and wasn’t afraid to share them. He’d quite enjoyed sassing his rogues throughout his vigilante career.

“Robin.” Batman scolded.

Shrugging, Danny leaned back, still floating, hands behind his head. “I don’t mind, I like a kid who speaks his mind. But how would I know that? I’ve never met Batman before. I must do what’s best for my people.” He frowned, losing a bit of the lazy look and growing more serious. “Keeping them confined to the Realms is no longer the best course of action. And unfortunately, Scarecrow’s little stunt the other night has lit a fire under my ass so to speak.”

“Language.” A couple of the vigilantes chimed in, almost like it was a habit.

Danny frowned. Hadn’t he just heard that-

“Why has Scarecrow’s attack moved things up?” Spoiler asked.

How much did he want to tell these people? For now, he wanted his identity to remain a secret, too risky to reveal himself, but he wanted the GIW gone and for that he’d need to be as honest as possible. “Danny Nightingale,” he started, catching the shift in the cave’s atmosphere. “Is a… personal friend of mine. He’s been in hiding from the GIW for five years now. The attack has unfortunately… alerted the GIW and others to his location.”

“What reason does Danny Nightingale have for hiding from the GIW?” Batman asked.

Had… Had Hood really not told them? He knew Hood was a good guy, but to keep private the things Danny had shared with Hood even after everything that had happened… It warmed his cold heart. “Hood… did not tell you?”

Red Hood crossed his arms. 

“Danny died when he was fourteen.” Phantom tried for nonchalance. He hated talking about it- all ghosts did- but he didn’t want them to know he was uncomfortable. “He was brought back to life when, during his death, his body was flooded with ectoplasm. His body was killed and brought back until neither side won and he ended up half dead half alive.” He let that sink in.

“How the fuck-”

“That’s not poss-”

“Nightingale-”

“Enough.” Batman stated. Once everyone quieted down a bit, he turned to Phantom. “How is that possible?”

Phantom had touched down to the ground at this point, standing between Red Hood and Signal. He shrugged. “I don’t really know, it just is. The… electricity killed him but the ectoplasm kept him alive and afterward he remained alive and dead at the same time. Schrodinger’s boy if you will.”

“You know Shcrodinger?” Signal breathed, not really asking Phantom but more himself.

Phantom intended to answer the question, maybe with a joke or maybe just plainly, but he was stopped in his tracks by Red Robin’s next question.

“But what about his autopsy scars?” Red Robin said seemingly before he could stop himself.

Danny’s head whipped in his direction. “What?” He snarled.

Red Robin glanced at Batman, swallowed, and looked back at Phantom. “Um- a- a friend of mine- superboy, he accidentally used his X-ray vision and he… saw…” He trailed off, possibly noticing Phantom’s less than friendly air. 

He’d risen again, floating a couple inches off the ground and crossing his arms to hide the shaking in his hands. Maybe if he… if he told them… they’d understand just how bad the GIW was. The final nail in the coffin. He’d met a lot of these vigilantes before, they seemed nice enough, besides, how long did he really think he could hide the truth from them? As long as they didn’t know he was Danny, as long as Danny didn’t have to look them in the eye and pretend he didn’t know they knew, it’d be fine.

“It is not an autopsy scar.” Phantom managed to say.

Red Robin frowned. “But he said it was-”

“It is NOT an autopsy scar.” He said, pressing his eyes shut tight, voice commanding. Waiting for his rage to settle a moment, he continued. “It is a testament to how far the GIW will go to get what they want.” He looked each vigilante in the eye (sort of), waiting for it to sink in. “Autopsies happen after you’ve died. I assure you,” He inhaled sharply. “Danny was very much alive- and awake- when that happened.”

“What the fuck.” Red Robin breathed. Phantom waited, unsure of what was about to happen. Red Hood was frozen, his toxic ectoplasm signature flared as his fingers stretched for his guns.

Spoiler gasped. “That’s fucking-”

“Vivisection.” Robin finished coldly.

Everyone’s reactions were similar; anger, despair, confusion. Batman pinched the bridge of his nose, Robin lowered his katana, jaw dropped slightly, Red Robin was clearly having some kind of inner war, Signal and Spoiler looked between each other and Black Bat who had been staring at Phantom since he’d arrived, and Nightwing- was he crying? It was subtle, barely noticeable, but Danny was sure he heard a sniffle from the man’s direction.

“When-” Batman growled, clearing his throat. “When did this happen?”

Phantom considered him. Why did it matter? They couldn’t go back and make it unhappen. “Shortly before his eighteenth birthday.” That was all he needed to say. So why did he find himself continuing? Saying more than necessary? “He was discovered by some local ghost hunters, drugged, restrained, and experimented on for-” he caught his breath, hesitating only a moment, but Black Bat seemed to catch it. “For almost two months. The-”

“FUCK!” 

The group startled as something shattered across the cave. Startled, Danny turned to Hood who’d grabbed the nearest thing and thrown it across the room- hitting a glass window around what seemed to be a med bay. The man breathed heavily, his toxic ecto-signature continued to rise. 

“Hood-” Batman started.

Phantom cut him off. “Hood. Relax, Danny’s fine.” He pushed as much Safe-Protected-Healed-Calm-Relax into his words as he could and it seemed to work, the man’s shoulder untensed a bit and his hands stopped resting on his guns. Phantom could feel everyone’s eyes on him but he didn’t want Hood to feel them so he continued. “I’m not going to let anything happen to him, and if you lot do your job right, the GIW won’t be able to try anything ever again.”

It was touching that Hood was angry on Danny’s behalf, but he didn’t need it- not really. He wasn’t as naive as he’d been five years ago- wouldn’t let anyone close enough to trick him again. He’d warded the apartment he lived in heavily, no one with ecto-weapons could get inside, he’d warded it against specific people as well- Jack and Maddie, the GIW agents he knew of, Vlad, the list went on. 

“Who were the ghost hunters?” Red Robin asked, typing on the batcomputer furiously.

Danny wanted to be mad about the question (how dare he ask about them, the people who’d ruined him, who’d  taken all his trust and cradled it close to their chest with loving smiles only to crush it under their boot and cut into it and-) but it effectively took everyone’s attention away from Hood, allowing the man to calm down without anyone staring at him. Phantom closed his eyes and took a deep breath before admitting to a truth he’d run from for years. “His parents.”

~~~~~

Damian was having a good night overall. He’d invited Nightingale- well, the Nightingale’s, he supposed, over and got to spend a great deal of time with Miguel and Santiago. Santiago was a bit younger than Damian and  they didn’t have much in common, but the boy's love of animals allowed them to maintain conversation throughout the night. Todd had been acting strange throughout dinner and in the barn, but Damian had shrugged it off, it was Todd after all. He was fine.

Later in the night Drake’s paramour was also acting strange but Damian did not care. He’d enjoyed showing Miguel and Santiago around his home, introducing them to his animals, and talking with them extensively about the concept of vigilantes, heroes, and anti-heroes. 

When they’d all been called into the cave and he’d been filled in on the conversation with Nightingale at the dinner table, he’d felt confident that Phantom would be able to answer their questions. Nightingale had an aversion to talking about his past before Gotham, specifically his hometown and his parents, and while Todd made an excellent point about all of them having complicated relationships with parents, it made them all curious about what could have caused Nightingale’s complicated relationship with his parents.

After all, it was unlikely his parents were assassins, or circus performers who’d been murdered, or a supervillain, or had sold him out to the Joker who killed him so-

“His parents.”

Okay so the likelihood that his parents were in fact supervillains and had sold him to someone evil was actually very high. Throughout the entire conversation Damian had felt his blood pressure rising. Nightingale was one of the few respectable people he’d met since moving to Gotham. He was intelligent, kind, good with animals and kids, and respected those around him.

Who in their right mind would hurt Nightingale intentionally? He heard his sentiment echoed around the room as his family processed what exactly Phantom had just admitted. Drake’s incessant tapping on the keyboard had stopped, his jaw clenched tight in a way that mirrored father’s expression. And yet, despite how upset everyone looked- Richard’s expression made him wonder if the man might be crying- Cassandra looked sadder than them all.

Her ability to read body language was one he’d long coveted, but in that moment he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what Phantom’s body language was saying. 

“You can look, but you’re unlikely to find anything about them.” Phantom continued. “I’ve had my best people wipe anything about Danny’s hometown from the internet. They built his new identity and he is here under my protection.”

“So you are the friend who asked Danny to come to Gotham and help out?” Brown asked.

Phantom gave a strained smile. “As a matter of fact, I am not. Danny does whatever he wants, I simply… gave him a new identity to do so. Not that I did the hard work, Technus and a friend of Danny’s did that.”

Damian wanted to know everything about Nightingale. He didn’t want to know anything about Nightingale. Two sides of his desire warred inside him. His desire to know everything about everyone at all times fought his side that wanted to believe someone as kind as Nightingale had never suffered such hardships.

He knew that sentiment was childish, he wasn’t a child, but why must every kind person he meet go through unimaginable pain? 

“We must bring his parents to justice.” Damian gritted out.

Phantom gave him a sad look. “Unfortunately, everything that both his parents and the GIW did, are completely legal. Due to Danny’s death he both produces and consumes ectoplasm. Until the Anti-Ecto-Acts are repealed and Ectoplasmic beings are protected, nothing can be done.”

“But once we do, we must bring his parents to justice. Who are they? What are their names?” Damian demanded.

Giving the same sad smile, Phantom shook his head. “Until the Acts are overturned and protection is given to all ectoplasmic beings I will not be giving out that information.” Damian started to speak but Phantom spoke over him. “I really must be going- I was in the middle of something when you called. If you give me your phone Hood, I can give you my direct line instead of my summoning line.”

Todd, who’d calmed down from his earlier tantrum, handed his phone over immediately and watched as Phantom typed in his number presumably.

“If you have more questions, message me.” He directed to Batman, handing Hood’s phone back. “And if you ever need something handsome, call me.” He winked before a swirling green portal opened behind him and he sank back into it as it swallowed him.

Once the portal had disappeared, Damian looked to his father who was deep in thought. Typically the entire family would start talking, petering, asking questions, all at once, but for once, they were all quiet, waiting for Batman to say something.

“I have a meeting with the Justice League tomorrow, we will discuss all of this including what we’ve learned tonight. Hood, if you wouldn’t mind giving me Phantom’s number so I can invite him to the meeting, I would appreciate it.” Father moved towards the computer where Drake was still working. “I want everything you can find on Daniel Nightingale’s original identity, where he’s from, his parents, everything.”

“B, I’ve been working on this for months I can’t-”

“Red Robin.” Father spoke lowly. “Do what you can. I want tabs kept on Danny Nightingale at all times, we have no way of knowing how fast the GIW will work to get him back. No one goes alone, we patrol in pairs until this is sorted, understood?”

Everyone nodded, albeit somewhat reluctantly. Damian had to agree with their sentiment. He had no desire to be held back from patrolling his own route solo but knew there was no getting around his father’s paranoia. 

“Uh- I work alone.” Thomas said, raising his hand uncomfortably.

Batman considered this for a moment. “Check ins with Oracle every fifteen minutes- no exceptions.” 

Thomas sighed, nodding in agreement. “Yeah okay.”

“Father, this is ridiculous. Surely the GIW is not such a danger to us?” Damian understood caution, but this was a bit much- bordering on how he behaved when Joker was loose.

“Actually-” Todd scratched the back of his head, his helmet held under his arm. “Technically a lot of us probably fall under the GIW guidelines. I definitely do with the whole ‘dead then not’ thing, and you and Cass grew up around the pits- it’s pretty likely we all have a bit of an ecto signature or whatever.”

Father grunted. “Patrol in teams. Check ins every fifteen minutes. Do not approach unknown’s alone. Understood?”

“Yes, father.” Damian replied emotionlessly.

He’d find whoever had done this to Nightingale and he’d make them pay for it.

~~~

“Miguel? Santi? I’m back!”

Danny had portalled back to his apartment, changed into comfier clothes, and made the short trip across the hall to the boys’ apartment. They’d given him permission after the incident with their bio dad to walk into the apartment without knocking but he still made sure to announce himself when he did.

Something in the apartment was different though- colder- and dread settled in his stomach when he received no response.

“Boys?” He turned the corner into the living room. “I’m ho-”

“Oh hey, Danny, you look young- it’s like looking into a mirror. Ten years ago.”

Prev. Next

[harpieisthecarpie]

Harp's way too long "interpreting Jayvik as a queer rework of Judas & Jesus" ramble (BASS BOOSTED)

Okay so I have a ramble about jayvik's jesus/judas parallels that was inspired by the acoustic vers of JUDAS by The Reverent Marigold (amazing trans nb artist pls listen) and a mutual I'll tag in a reblog bc this is LONG

But this particular song is one I hold close to my heart (and project onto my favorite stories) bc it's a fundamentally compassionate reading of a biblical figure who is viewed as anathema by believers for a fate he never even had the chance to change.

To skip my kinda long Judas preface ramble go to the next orange text

Jesus forsees Judas's betrayal, he lets it happen. Yet Judas has become a reviled figure for being the catalyst of Jesus's transcendence from prophet to Christian deity.

Jesus had to be betrayed, he had to "die for our sins", and he had to fall so he could ascend. He could not be the redeemer without his betrayer.

Yet Judas, who is argued to either be destined or hellishly influenced for his betrayal, in my eyes didn't have to betray Jesus with a kiss. An emotional gesture, whether romantic or familial or platonic or whatever.

There was a gesture of devotion even in that act of persecution, and Judas died in despair of his own actions.

Okay this is the jayvik ur here for

Okay okay this is the part about jayvik, because when everyone was mad over Jayce killing Viktor during the 2nd batch of s2 eps, all I could think about how Viktor had been stuck in a limbo. Half ascendant and half trapped by his mortal form.

Like Christ was Jesus of Nazareth before being the Son of God, s2 Viktor is stuck in the middle of The Scientist and The Herald. Not quite mortal, not fully deity.

Something's gotta give, someone has to hammer the last nail in his coffin (or the crucifix in this instance), someone has to be the Betrayer for Viktor to be the Redeemer. And would we really want it to be anyone other than Jayce?

Would Viktor want it to be anyone other than Jayce? Someone other than his partner, the first man he saved on his path to ascendance. The man killing him with compassion because the Viktor of before had never wanted this.

And it's fascinating to me that within the parallel to Christianity, the differences in Arcane's story give Jayce and Viktor a far more lovely, compassionate ending than Judas and Jesus ever had. At least in the mainstream canon.

It's why I compared jayvik to Rev Mari's JUDAS instead of the basic story. JUDAS's queer themes and Rev Mari's lyricism reframe Judas in a kinder light and humanize Jesus in ways that make me so happy.

Lyric examples:

Because queerness, especially in gender, is so deeply about compassion, and living true to ourselves, and killing what is keeping us from growing into our own identities.

And the fact that Viktor and Jayce, with all their allegorical connections to the Savior and Betrayer, got such a beautiful, transcendent, and queer ending is. Meaningful

Wayyy more analysis under the cut! YAY

go to the next pink if you only want my main conclusion :]

Because Judas's story ended in him taking his own life, and Jayce was given a near rebirth when Viktor saved him from taking his own.

Judas's betrayal was predestined as a tool for Jesus's ascension to Christ the Son, while Jayce's betrayal was that he actively went against Viktor's decision and Viktor's autonomy. When Jayce killed the in-between Viktor he was repenting for that betrayal, and in doing so he was saving himself. In the Christian sense of the word, where Salvation is of the soul.

Only, in the Christian sense of the word, Jayce's salvation would have to come from the Savior. He would be praying for guidance, even if from that in-between Viktor.

But he doesn't put the onus on Viktor to forgive him, he doesn't compromise his devotion to his partner Viktor at the behest of this new Viktor that came from Jayce's betrayal.

When Judas sent Jesus off to die, that was his greatest sin. Jayce's was forcing Viktor to live in spite of Viktor's wishes.

The popular belief is that Judas was condemned to eternal damnation, punishment for a betrayal that Christ needed to ascend. And I think that is the saddest, most hopeless thing in the world.

If Christ couldn't– or wouldn't– save his friend and follower who fell so deep into guilt when his led to Jesus of Nazareth's death that he killed himself, how could anyone trust in their own salvation? If Judas was condemned to rot in Hell when his "loving" deity was done using him, why the fuck would anyone want that Salvation?

pink text indicating the conclusion

So Jayce and Viktor, in this fucking fundamentally queer story, saving each other and knowing each other and finding each other in every fucking reality like their souls could never exist apart is beautiful to me.

Neither of them were the passive objects of the other's Salvation. We know this because Jayce's original betrayal and the Herald's reality shifting "fixes" didn't save the other, nor did those actions condemn themselves.

Neither were helpless, or groveling for "forgiveness", or forced to fundamentally alter who they were at the core in order to be worthy of goodness.

They weren't exactly Jesus of Nazareth and Judas Iscariot, because Jayce and Viktor were written with a fundamentally queer compassion many refuse to apply to their faith.

Neither Jayce nor Viktor were purely Salvation or Forgiveness.

They were better. Jayce and Viktor saved each other, and themselves, when instead of forgiveness they offered acceptence and compassion.

I read it as:

There is nothing to forgive, because there is nothing wrong with you. I'm sorry I tried to change you, there is nothing wrong with you. I will prove in every reality that there is nothing wrong with you.

I found you again, and I'll find you again, because you held my soul so gently your hands left shining, iridescent marks that guide me to you in every reality.

There is no Jayce without Viktor, and no Viktor without Jayce, because they made it so. They chose to be soulmates, in whatever way you want to read it. And that means so much to me.

tl;dr arcane showed us the kinda religion we'd get if they let jesus be trans and have a boyfriend

[thesophiewhit]

PHONING FAUST -- A Sapphic Novel of Demonic Contracts, Demisexuality, and Yearning by me! A cool queer author ~

Are you LGBT+ or BIPOC or just REALLY LOVE BOOKS? Interested in being an ARC reader and reading a book and helping a fellow queer indie author out? (Pretty please? -- ARC links all the way at the bottom of this post (beneath the rainbow banner) for those who like Sapphic demon x human angst books ~)

AND LOOK AT THE CHARACTER ART OF MEMPHIS (BADASS DEMON) AND DIAN (HUMAN) BY MY ARTIST FRIEND SNAX

https://linktr.ee/artsnaxk

ABOUT ME

Demisexual?? Queer? Nonbinary? All these were magical words to me until it hit...

Oh-- that's me.

It took me a while to come out as queer, longer to come out as nonbinary, and then some more time to reconcile all this with being a mixed Indonesian kid. A dash of mental health, a sprig of figuring out asexuality and neurodivergence. But atop all that? One thing has been constant.

I've always been a writer.

That's some live footage of me summoning some forces to reign my characters in from being feral.

WHY I WROTE PHONING FAUST

Well, well, well, after years of battling imposter's syndrome, I did it. I wrote another book! It's called PHONING FAUST and it's getting published with queer indie publishing company @ninestarpress-blog because they're all cool and LGBT+ and super talented!

Why did I write PHONING FAUST?

What is... a Faust?

A Faustian bargain is what's popularly known as the devil's bargain. A usually losing situation or a trick where the devil tricks someone out of their soul in exchange for ULTIMATE POWER!

I rewrote Faust to be Sapphic as can be. It stars a mixed Indonesian lesbian named Dian Faust who battles depression tooth and nail and ends up calling a mental health crisis hotline. Bc... she's lonely.

PAUSE-- and this is a horror comedy. Comedy. COMEDY-- you might say?

WHY? HOW? Sounds sad and depressing, right?

WHAT'S FAUST?

Well... in the original retelling version of Goethe's Faust (who retold it from folklore etc etc) the main character of Dr. Faustus accidentally summons the devil or something when he too is about to consider the meaning of life and it gets sad bc he doesn't see one so he makes the devil's bargain FOR ULTIMATE POWER. Or something.

But in my version-- it's based off my experiences as a queer person. Before I had community. Before I understood and accepted myself-- I had a rough time. For a whole bunch of factors outside of that-- I didn't feel like my life was in a good place. And even worse-- I felt isolated.

THE PLOT

I didn't want to bother my friends with my problems. So-- I'd call the Trevor Project or a crisis hotline just to have somebody to talk to. In the same way-- Dian Faust is struggling with depression in the story I write. So she calls a hotline like the Trevor Project just to not be alone.

And guess who she finds?

A super hot genderfluid devil called MEMPHIS, short for Mephistopheles. A pierced and tatted punk rocker who has an interest for telling tall tales and serving Dian Faust's every wish and command! (No, not like that!)

Because Dian Faust, like me, is a mixed Indonesian kid trying to figure out what it means to be queer AND demisexual (finding attraction only after really getting to emotionally connect with someone and feeling, as I explain in the book, a lack of that before then for anyone). And she's figuring plenty out--- including how to save her immortal soul and her feelings for a certain genderfluid demon but if you want to know more-- YOU CAN BUT YOU HAVE TO SCROLL TO THE END OF THIS POST TO FIND OUT !

I wrote this book PHONING FAUST (coming out in 2025 sometime with NineStar Press btw. I have these books CATCH LILI TOO and WAKE THE DEAD also starring Sapphic demiace MCs if it's helpful while you wait!

I WROTE MORE QUEER BOOKS (if interested)! (ARC SIGN UP LINK IS STILL BELOW THIS ONE THO! > FOLLOW THE RAINBOW !!)

MY OTHER QUEER BOOKS: https://sophiawhittemore.com/books/ ) <3 <3 <3

I wrote PHONING FAUST (train of thought, sorry, that's the neurodivergence) because I wanted people to feel less alone.

I was, like Dian Faust and like a lot of people, a queer person who felt like I was on an island unto myself. I didn't know who to turn to-- so I turned to no one. By reaching out to hotlines (no hot devils unfortunately), I managed to get the help I needed to avoid making rash decisions-- to get the help I needed to get better. To take that first step.

PHONING FAUST is a novel that raises the importance of mental health and finding community, and most importantly, not giving up. As Dian Faust says in my upcoming book...

There are stars out there-- I had only to see it.

***

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

🌈🌈🌈🌈ARC LINK SIGN UPS HERE 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

ARC LINK SIGN UPS IN LINKTREE <3

Want to be an ARC reader for this queer book starring a demisexual Sapphic couple and BIPOC cast?

Sign up here! : https://tr.ee/mWPM8I9Zev

***

Hmmm, demon contracts...now where might young 2010 emo me have heard that before... ? ?

[omilkandhoneyteao]

I need to add on to the Viktor thing cause that’s literally my man and the direction they went with him is something I can’t grasp

ARCANE SEASON 2 SPOILERS

I’m sorry but the machine herald wasn’t even machine, it was magic!!! He’s not the Magic Herald, he’s the machine herald and yet they didn’t include any of that??

Correct me if I’m wrong because I don’t play League but isn’t the Machine Herald’s whole thing still being a man but wanting to IMPROVE humanity by taking away their weaker parts by exchanging them for machinery? And yet, in arcane, he doesn’t give a fuck and is just turning in to the people he “helped” in to mindless husks? Also when he got blown to bits by Jayce, I really thought he was gonna replace himself with mechanical parts but NO THEY JUST MADE HIM EVEN MORE MAGIC???

Like it’s so weird that they also kinda tried to make it seem like it was Viktor’s fault for becoming what he became when like

That man just wanted to get better??? Like the scenes with Jayce were sweet but the whole “you were trying to perfect yourself” NO SIR HE WANTED TO STOP AN ILLNESS THAT WAS CAUSING A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH??? Like idk if people realize this but Viktor was GRIEVING like he found out he was dying which is a gigantic pill to swallow and clearly he wasn’t in his right state of mine and then when he finally accepted his fate, his already short life span was cut SHORTER by the explosion and even then, I feel like it was the scene with the hexcore that took away HIS choice of 1) wanting to just die and 2) destroying the hexcore!

I also fully believe that while Viktor was doing bad things, I think the Arcane was a corrupt form of magic (we’ve seen that there IS good magic like Mel’s) and it was corrupting Viktor in a way that made him think what he was doing was the ONLY way and that he HAD to do because again, he wasn’t in a clear state of mind so I fully believe that he was aware of what he was doing but he truly believed this was the ONLY way (like I’ve mentioned earlier it’s so similar to Wanda with the Darkhold and how it was corrupting her when she was at her most vulnerable by showing her what she wanted and that by doing all those bad things, it’s the only way she could get her wish)

Another thing I hated was them revealing that the Mage wasn’t Ryze (IT SHOULD’VE BEEN HE WOULD’VE MESHED SO WELL WITH THE STORY) but Viktor and that he just kept going back in time so Jayce could stop him which is so ???

Like I’m sorry but that’s literally so dumb because it just makes the world of Arcane seem even smaller! Like the way season 2 has been trying to make connections that didn’t need to be there makes it seem like Piltover and Zaun as a whole have a population of 30!

Like it would’ve been so much sweeter (lowkey power of friendship type ship but I’ll leave it at that) if Jayce and Viktor CHOSE to be partners and brothers and friends and whatever it is you see them as and that it wasn’t forced because of “fate” but because of THEIR choice! Like it lowkey just takes away the characters autonomy cause it’s like “well yeah you actually didn’t pick this person it was predestined!!!”

It’s just so disheartening because Viktor is such a good character and to just take away all the good things they could’ve done with him is just upsetting.

[lukedruid80]

MY PROBLEM WITH MINDSETS

I possibly have OCD, and i am very much sick of the shifting community always saying "Don't say you don't believe, it'll ruin your mindset" well buddy some of us CAN'T control our intrusive thoughts, can we?

Here's my tip/take on how to deal with this for shifters struggling with mindsets, especially mental health like OCD included. (Disclaimer: This works FOR ME, it is no guarantee for everyone, but this is just my tip. If it doesn't work, it may not be for you.)

I figured, why hasn't anyone talk about that we can literally rely on our emotions instead of mindsets?? Our minds can TALK, it can say unspeakable things that YOU don't even want to think about. Some of us are BUILD to be talked over by our own minds. The ONLY THING that doesn't betray our nature is our emotions.

In my personal experience, when I use my mind to say affirmations, intrusive thoughts starts sparking and it's so frustrating because I can't deal with it, and it betrays my mindset. The only thing that is REAL enough for us to believe is our hearts. Mouth, mind, words, writings can LIE. But our hearts doesn't, it only beats for truth.

I've tried to rely on my emotions, and I literally felt my s/o's head laying on my chest. That was the closest i have ever felt him, because I relied on my emotions of him. I focused on how I feel, I just let myself feel how much I miss him, how much I'm sad because I need him. Hell, I actually let myself CRY, my emotions is the strongest quality i have than my untrustworthy mind.

It's the saying in Once Upon A Time (most shifting coded show ever in my opinion), Rumplestilksin told Emma, that magic doesn't come from our mind but our emotions. He said "Stop thinking, feel it." Emma represents how a lot of people are like in this reality, she always need PROOF when all she had to do is BELIEVE. That was her flaw, and I think that's also a lot of our flaws as shifters.

If you think about it, a lot of magical or power portrayals in stories are surrounded with emotions. Avatar The Last Airbender, Zuko channeled by feeling his anger for firebending, eventually using the feeling of peace to bend. Harry Potter, the patronous spell can only be casted with happy memories, to FEEL those memories and that's how it can be casted. Teen Wolf, werebeings use anchors to help them stay grounded, the anchors are a connection to their most humane thing in life, and they feel it in order to shift back.

We overcomplicated things with our mind so much, but what makes US HUMANE is not our minds, but our emotions to feel for passion and love. Everything in this reality, is created with our hearts before mind.

Sure, mindset IS important, but what made us want to shift in the first place? Certainly it's not our head that went "oh this seems fun", it's our desires, and desire is an emotion.

Look at you, you're still here on shiftblr, you're still here to want to shift. Why is that? That FEELING of your desire, is what drives your motivation. Who's to say that emotions can't be reliable to shift?

[merp-blerp]

Gaylor/Kaylor and Oz: Parallels and Theories Vol. 2 🌼🌈❇️

CW: Spoilers for L. Frank Baum's Oz book series (books 1-15). And this post is very late-stage-Kaylor-specific, so if that's not up your alley, that's chill.

Vol. 1 Here (I recommend reading Vol. 1 before this one)

Overblown Analysis Under the Cut ↓

AH! I'm so ecstatic that I get to make another one of these so quickly! I was so proud of Vol. 1 and I'm so happy there's new material to explore! Thank you very much for the reception to Vol. 1, I'm so glad people liked it. It's cool to see other people who probably didn't even see my post seemingly make the Return To Oz connections as well. It makes me feel "smart". 😅

Part 1: The Tin Woodman ❤️🌈

Let's start out with something small and old news. A theory that's new to me is the Tin Woodman's role in gaylor theories (He's very specifically called "Tin Woodman" in the books, not Tinman, so I'll call him by his book name so as to not blur the line of exactly which version of the character I'm talking about). This collage by iateallthecat2 on Twitter (from this post) brought it to my attention:

I'm not sure if there's already some in-depth theory that goes beyond this collage out there, so I'm gonna wing it from here based on my own Oz knowledge.

In the "ME!" MV, Brendon Urie's character is a suitor that Taylor rejects. They fight when inside a house and she rejects his proposal, but when he gifts her something with no general romantic meaning, a cat, they spend the rest of the MV having a good, platonically-coded time. Brendon plays someone who wants to play the role of Taylor's partner, but they seemingly work better as buds in their rainbow haven.

I have wondered if Brendon is supposed to be playing a beard who Taylor tries to take to freedom with her in this MV, but I'm admittedly slightly apprehensive about the idea. It would be kinda cool if one or more of Tay's beards also came out with her whenever she does. This plotline seems very similar to the suspected "she ghosted but kept the castle" narrative. In both Taylor rejects a proposal, except here Taylor and her beard seem more connected. It makes me wonder, if everything had gone to plan, would the narrative in 2019 have been that presumably Joe would've proposed and Taylor would have rejected it but they would've been on friendly terms. Or maybe all of that would've happened to Karlie and Josh in a way since they were married in 2018. Or maybe it would've happened to both of them. Then they would've been able to build a narrative for Kaylor as a couple that didn't involve saying "We hid this from you for this long". But that's spitballing.

Either way, Brendon is definitely someone who helps Taylor along her "story" as he infamously put himself:

Everyone knows that the Tin Woodman helps Dorothy on her journey, but he also helps out Ozma/Tip on hers in the second book and so on.

In the first book, the Tin Woodman's backstory is that he was once a human named Nick Chopper, who was engaged to a Munchkin girl named Nimmie Amee. While Nick seems to respect and love her, he also seems to only be engaged to her because he doesn't want to be lonely after the death of his parents, at least to me. But the Wicked Witch of the East curses Nick to chop off his limbs whenever he tries to chop wood. He gets these limbs replaced with tin parts until he is fully tin. But his body no longer needed a heart and therefore he felt no romantic love for Nimmie Amee, so their relationship fizzled out.

Whether he ever romanticly loved her in the first place is debatable in my opinion. I personally don't think he did, especially since long after he's gotten the realization that he had a heart, Nick never really tries to romanticly pursue Nimmie Amee again, but he does tie loose ends with her in The Tin Woodman of Oz. However, my point is that Nick seems to only want Nimmie when he thinks she can fill a void. Once he thought he was too broken for her to fix he subconsciously realized he didn't actually love her, but interpreted it as though he just "stopped" loving her.

To put it simply, I see Nick as practically going through comphet before finding true fulfillment in the things that come after he's un-rusted. My personal interpretation of Nick is that he is a gay man, unbeknownst to him, who tries to find love in a woman, but it inevitably doesn't work. He loved Nimmie because he hoped she could fix his pain. There's no way to prove Baum meant Nick to be seen this way, but queer interpretations of Nick are common in modern Oz fan circles. Somewhat like Taylor and Brendon in "ME!", Nick and Nimmie try to play the roles of a couple, but being a couple just isn't in the cards for them, so they keep things platonic.

In comparison, Nick loves the Scarecrow for the actual companionship he gives. The Tin Woodman states that he no longer needs Nimmie's love, as he has the Scarecrow's. The Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow are pretty similar to Dorothy and Ozma in terms of being queer-coded in their relationship. They live close to one another because they're sadder apart, cordially debate philosophy, rule Winkie Country together, and are often depicted comfortably in each other's physical space, among other wholesome details.

The physical representation of the Tin Woodman's heart is made of a velvet pouch and sawdust in the books, but in the '39 film Tinman's heart is a ticking clock with daisies stringed to it. Of course, daisies have a great significance to Kaylor because of the Big Sur trip. And clocks have been having a significance in Taylor's art since "The Man" and the Karma wall.

I don't necessarily think Karlie, Taylor, or Brendon are represented through the Tin Woodman, Nimmie, and the Scarecrow in Taylor's art in a literal sense. I see it as just another queer piece of the puzzle. Brendon might not literally be the Tin Woodman in Taylor's art the same way Karlie is Dorothy, but I think he at least played him during the Lover era. Brendon/Tin Woodsman helps Taylor/Ozma through her journey to where she belongs like a queer friend helping another queer friend.

Also, I'll leave this section off on this reach cutesy note:

Part 2: Ozma and the Wizard 🌺🪄

Back in Vol. 1, I suggested a theory that if Karlie Kloss was represented as Dorothy Gale in Taylor's music, then Taylor was more subtly represented as Queen/Princess Ozma. I've been seeing another theory around about Taylor being the Wizard, aka Oscar Diggs. I also really like this theory and I think it can make sense for both theories to exist simultaneously.

The Wizard is an illusionist. In the first novel, when appearing to each of Dorothy's friends individually he appears as something different to all of them. To Dorothy, he is a giant floating head, to the scarecrow he is a fairy, to the tinwoodsman he is a beast, and to the cowardly lion he is a ball of fire. He is able to change himself into anything he pleases, but he has no real magic. In order to rule over Oz unrightfully, Oscar Diggs stole Ozma away as a baby and gave her to a witch named Mombi, who transformed Ozma into a boy named Tip, disguising Ozma from everyone and herself; in the second book, Ozma is transformed back to her true form and takes her place as ruler of Oz, eventually ruling with Dorothy by her side. To make a long story short, Ozma and Dorothy eventually forgive Oscar for his crimes.

I see Oscar/the Wizard as representing Performance Taylor, while the real Taylor is Ozma. The Wizard is from Kansas in the '39 film and performance Taylor is currently associated with the Kansas City Chiefs. Performance Taylor, just like Oscar, is able to change himself when needed and isn't the unstoppable being his citizens once believed in despite never meeting him. Just like Oscar, Performance Taylor is an illusionist who appeases the citizens with theatrics to hide the truth for the time being. Performance Taylor/Oscar hides the real Taylor/Ozma away. Real Taylor/Ozma, when seen, is forced into the shape of a boy, Tip/James, Peter, the Man, etc. But soon Ozma reclaims her land and keeps the castle Oscar took, and so might the real Taylor.

If you believe Post Malone is playing a side of Taylor in the "Fortnight" MV, Taylor seems to be depicting herself as coming together with both the public and private parts of herself. Previously in MVs for songs like "...Ready For It", Taylor was always at odds with her clone, but in "Fortnight" they team up to get out of the asylum. Ozma and Dorothy make amends with Oscar and Taylor makes amends with herself.

Part 3: The Yellow Brick Road and The Emerald City 🟨❇️

I think a lot of us know about Taylor's Instagram grid currently aligning with yellow outfits from Eras at the moment:

Typically when Taylor's Instagram grid aligns like this it means something. The most common theory as to what this might mean is that Taylor is creating a yellow brick road. Yellow is often seen as the closeting color in gaylor circles for various reasons, such as the Evermore closet in The Lover House being filled with yellow clothes. Some fun estimates I've seen are that soon the alignment will be broken by some type of photo of Taylor in a green outfit post-Eras, like maybe a green outfit from tour in her Toronto thank you post or even her birthday post. The big hope right now is that this hypothetical post in a green outfit will signify Taylor's coming out being near, having reached her destination to the Emerald City, or that this green outfit post could even be a coming out post. My Oz-ian brain loves this idea! The yellow road to being free in the green, the color right after yellow in the rainbow.

In the first Oz book, the Emerald City is a huge hoax. It's not Emerald at all, but white. In order to trick the citizens of Oz into thinking that the city is emerald, the Wizard forces everyone to wear green-lensed spectacles that lock on; they are what make the city look green, the Wizard lying that they wear them because the brightness of the city would blind them if they didn't. Dorothy is given a "green" dress when she arrives in the Emerald City, but when she leaves it reveals itself as actually being white. After the first book, the Emerald City becomes truly emerald; from what I can remember there is no exact canonical reason as to why this is, so I theorize that the citizens just made it emerald after the wizard floats away in his balloon. The Emerald City truly being white represents the fakeness within the rule of the Wizard, but by the time Oz has its rightful ruler, Ozma, the city is truly Emerald. For TTPD and most if not all of Tay's discography, the colorless world represents the abusive music industry and closeting, but color represents Taylor's freedom, reclaiming the land. Also, the fictional Emerald City was inspired by the real-life White City Amusement Park that was once in Chicago, so there's that connection to white too. Green and White together remind me of Taylor's green band jacket in the "ME!" MV and her white band jacket in the "TSMWEL" performance from Eras. Symbolism-wise, Taylor thought she was close to reaching her destination when creating Lover, but the smallest man ruined it all and the emeralds were fake. Now she's about to go down the yellow road once more to get back to her emerald kingdom.

To expand on the colors of Oz a bit more, let's look at the house from "ME!"

Here's an official Oz map in case anyone finds it helpful:

This house in "ME!" is the starting point in the MV and the first room that we see is blue. Blue is the color of Munchkin Country in the Oz books, as every Oz region has a color. Munchkin Country is the first land of Oz we ever see and the starting point of "ME!" is blue just like it.

Then Taylor walks through a hall with blue walls and blue and yellow tiles on the floor. On her first trip to the Emerald City, Dorothy exclusively walks through Munchkin Country to the Emerald City, so the tile being blue and yellow signifies that this is only the first journey to the Emerald City.

The next room is a large green one. The Emerald City, right?

But when Taylor makes it out the front door, the house is white with some purple. Not the true Emerald City. Purple is for Gillikin Country. When Ozma is kidnapped by the Wizard of Oz and given to Mombi she lives in Gillikin Country as Tip. The Emerald City is (partly) white, Taylor's in her closet yellow, Ozma/true Taylor is dressed as a guy, and Ozma/true Taylor is yet to rule.

But finally, later in the video when Brendon and Taylor are on platonic terms, they run up to a massive green building with a rainbow beaming in front of it as they wear green clothes. I think this was intended to be the true Emerald City. The pink soldiers around it even look like the poppy field. I think it's notable that in the MV Brendon and Taylor run up to the Emerald City, but we never see them enter. I take that as acknowledging that Taylor wasn't there yet. "ME!" was not a coming-out video, it was a sprint toward that goal. So she wasn't inside the Emerald City quite yet, she was on the way, ever so close. However, as stated before, the smallest man ruined things, so this was retconned through Eras. However, if Taylor got to come out during Lover this would've been the final stop.

I was thinking that it would also be crazy if instead of a photo in a green outfit, we got one in red. In relation to Oz, red is Quadling Country. In the first book, it's the last place Dorothy journeys to before making it home. It's also where she meets Glinda for the first time (Glinda is the Witch of the South in the books and a different witch is the Witch of the North). Glinda is the only one who knows the real way to get Dorothy home, her silver shoes. So red would also be an interesting choice in this scenario, but green is definitely the more culturally recognizable choice.

I want to acknowledge the "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" connection I've seen around, even though I don't think I have much to add to it. The idea is that Elton John's song "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" has thematic parallels to gaylor. This idea that Taylor could leave behind a toxicly ritzy world for something better. Elton is an openly gay man in Hollywood who had to deal with a lot of silly Hollywood games regarding his sexuality. The way "GBYBR" is used in his film Rocketman definitely depicts Elton deciding to fix his issues brought on by the industry's abuse. Could this be what Taylor's about to do herself in her own way? Leave behind the yellow cedar closet for a life that's true to her? Taylor wore this outfit that already had plenty of Kaylor tie-ins like the twinning Carolina Herrera fit and the panther necklace, but her shoes match the ones Elton wears in the "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" album cover as he steps in or out of the Ozian picture.

As an extra fun tidbit, let's work some Oz history into this! It is a commonly told story that L. Frank Baum's inspiration for the yellow brick road comes from a real road in Peekskill, New York. The myth is that Baum asked for directions to the military academy and was told to "Follow the yellow brick road." Even though this exact story is likely just a myth, it's certainly not unlikely that Baum saw those yellow bricks. While Peekskill is not New York City, of course, New York City has a big significance in Taylor's music. In "WTNY" she views it as a place where anyone can be free. New York City could be its own character in her music. If New York City is freedom it could be seen as an equivalent to Ozma's Emerald City. Peekskill isn't where the city is, it holds the road to it and freedom.

Conclusion 🌼

Again, it's so cool to have more to add on to this Oz theory. I admit that it feels a bit vindicating that I made Vol. 1 and in due time we got more Oz crumbs. Wow, can't believe Taylor saw my post. In all seriousness, this has been so much fun. I know there's the possibility of yet another part to this. If you feel like I've forgotten anything, let me know! Can't wait to know what's on the horizon!

[carabas]

Sorting out Veilguard thoughts. This is very long, I had mixed feelings about Solas's endings and this is me trying to make Solas's actions and motivations make sense to me through quotes and bullet points.

Basic starting principle of the game: Solas is trapped by regret. We left him at the end of Trespasser heading out on the din'anshiral but not exactly enthusiastic about it, he's conflicted, he doesn't want to break the world again but he feels he has to, the whole plot here grows out of that. He tried to save the world and woke up finding he'd created a nightmare hell world a la the Inquisitor's trip to the terrible future version of Redcliffe, and it's his responsibility to fix that.

Specifically, the problems that make this a nightmare hell world:

The Blight's still here!! The whole point was to trap the Blight and yet it's still leaking into the world, his world-saving plan didn't even get that part right, what the fuck.

Mortality. First spirits took bodies which he had mixed feelings about to begin with, and which was the crime against the Titans which ultimately resulted in the Blight which I can't imagine improved his feelings about it - but also now they die, he is personally responsible for generations of people being permanently trapped in bodies which die, he didn't even want a body in the first place. "Your legends are half-right. We were immortal. It was not the arrival of humans that caused us to begin aging. It was me. The Veil took everything from the elves, even themselves."

A world of Tranquil. It's not just how long mortals live, it's the way they live, with no connection to the Fade outside their dreams. "You saw the remains of Vir Dirthara. The library was intrinsically tied to the Fade, and the Veil destroyed it. There were countless other marvels, all dependent on the presence of the Fade, all destroyed." Instead of those marvels, there's a fear and distrust and ignorance of all things Fade - and there are few things that frustrate Solas as much as ignorance - and that fear of the Fade naturally results in the fear of mages, the whole central plot of DA2, the struggle for mage freedom which Solas was vocal about and which was a big factor in his approval in Inquisition.

The effects on the spirits of the Fade, who Solas sees as people when most of the mortal world does not. ...You know what, I'm just going to copy-paste some longer quotes from Inquisition for this one because this is something that wasn't touched on much at all in Veilguard.

Even in Solas's very early-game conversations with the Inquisitor, he tells us exactly how he sees the effects of the Veil on spirits and how the mortal world relates to them:

Inquisitor: I'd like to know more about the Veil.

Solas: Circle mages call it a barrier between this world and the Fade. But according to my studies in ancient elven lore, that is a vast oversimplification. Without it… Imagine if spirits entered freely, if the Fade was not a place one went but a state of nature like the wind.

Inquisitor: It sounds like it would be wonderful.

Solas: And dangerous, but… yes. A world where imagination defines reality, where spirits are as common as trees or grass. Instead, spirits are strange and fearful, and the Fade is a terrifying world touched only by mages and dreamers. I am glad that I am not alone in seeing the beauty of such a world, along with the obvious peril.

And:

Inquisitor: I’d like to know more about demons.

Solas: The Chantry says that demons hate the natural world and seek to bring their chaos and destruction to the living. But such simplistic labels misconstrue their motivations and, in so doing, do all a great disservice. Spirits wish to join the living, and a demon is that wish gone wrong.

Inquisitor: Is there a way to coexist? To live with them, if not in peace, at least without such active confrontation?

Solas: Not in the world we know today. The Veil creates a barrier that makes true understanding most unlikely. But the question is a good one, and it matters that you thought to ask.

And this was the codex entry description of demonic possession in the first two games, as written by a senior enchanter from Ostwick:

Why do demons seek to possess the living? History claims they are malevolent spirits, the first children of the Maker, angry at their creator for turning from them and jealous of those creations he considered superior. They stare across the Veil at the living and do not understand what they see, yet they know they crave it. They desire life, they pull the living across the Veil when they sleep and prey on their psyche with nightmares. Whenever they can, they cross the Veil into our world to possess it outright. We know that any demon will seek to possess a mage, and upon doing so will create an abomination.

And this was Cole's reaction to discovering the history of the Veil in Trespasser:

Cole: The Veil isn’t real. It’s false, fake, fabricated to forbid. Isn’t it wonderful? It means I belong here! Helping, healing the hurt! I’m not a wrong thing, a wreck, a ruin. I’m what I should be!

...We're repeatedly told throughout the series that spirits desire to be with the living and the Veil is preventing that, for good or ill. Rook's team cares about this in terms of the threat of their world being destroyed by a sudden flood of demons, but from Solas's point of view the spirits belonged here to begin with and it's his mistake that makes coexistence impossible.

But at the same time, the first three games were set in the South - Veilguard shows us the Mourn Watch and Rivaini seers who do coexist with spirits, even with the Veil still in place. Other characters are less comfortable with this, but we're not getting anywhere near the same focus on the fear of spirits and mages here that we saw in the South. The game's just... not really interested in discussing this, we're not focusing on these ongoing effects of the Veil right now in this game about Solas trying to bring the Veil down, sure there's the occasional haunting and plenty of demons to fight but we're treating the ability to coexist with spirits as basically a solved problem in northern Thedas. And we've already put the mage rights plotline to rest in Inquisition. We're done, we're moving on, those parts of Solas's motivation are still important in that Solas's attitude toward spirits is important, but focusing on those problems is not a priority right now.

So of Solas's motivations that we saw back in Inquisition, the outlook now... the Blight's a problem, everyone's on the same page about the Blight being a problem, and in the good ending Solas winds up working on that aspect of the problem - but his other motivations, although they may still be problems, do not look as huge and pressing in Veilguard as they did in Inquisition. We've seen cultures where people and spirits coexist even with the Veil in place; mages in the north seem to be doing fine, at least as far as my Nevarran mage Rook's experience goes, and even in the south the treatment of mages is no longer what it was in the first two games; and the wonders of the Fade may be great but there are also dangers, acknowledged by Solas, and if a lot of people would rather keep the dangers out than bring the wonders or the immortality back in... who has the right to decide that for the whole world?

That's become the sticking point here. It's not really about how to solve the ongoing problems created by the Veil... it's whether they're Solas's problems to solve. And there's plenty of reason for him to answer yes to that, he created the problem to begin with and few other living people even have the knowledge that the Veil is unnatural, much less the ability to fix it - but also, let's be real, his attempts at solving problems have had some extremely fucking questionable results thus far.

And the stance this story has taken is: Solas is imprisoned by regret. Whether the Veil should come down or not, the reason Solas specifically has to walk this path is because of regret. And this story's happiest ending that takes the most effort to unlock is trying to release him from the role his regrets have imprisoned him in. (Relevant parallel: Lucanis carrying his mental prison around with him to the point that Spite can't tell they ever left.)

It's not like the whole world has taken a vote and decided that the Veil is good and immortality/wonders/coexistence with the Fade are not worth it. Obviously the player character of Veilguard is firmly in favor of guarding said Veil, but in Trespasser and the Masked Empire, Solas had agents working for him; in Tevinter Nights, Solas's monster wolf form was followed by an army of Valor and Justice spirits; in Veilguard, Solas said he had a host of spirits ready to help when the Veil fell to minimize the loss of life. For all the reasons Solas believed the Veil must come down, there's room to believe there are other characters on both sides of the Veil who also see those as problems and would presumably still be working on those problems, although that's not the focus of this game. And more people know about the origins of the Veil now, the story of the gods and Titans.

Solas tried to share the truth with the Dalish when he first woke up, but it went badly then; we know the truth now. Maybe if Solas were just a wisdom spirit he could even have been satisfied by sharing that history and having the truth be heard without taking the whole fate of the world on himself - but Solas is not just a wisdom spirit, and he has been defined by both wisdom and pride. He took on a role he never wanted because Mythal asked it of him, he so hates when spirits are twisted away from their purpose and his got complicated the moment he first took a body. Having the truth heard isn't nearly enough to fix this situation, and he needs to fix it, it is his responsibility to fix it, he is trapped by his regrets.

Talking with Rook about Elgar'nan...

Solas: Can you see how he and I might frustrate one another?

Rook: The two of you are too much alike. Both of you want to be in charge.

Solas: I have no desire to be "in charge."

Rook: No, you just want to be able to correct anyone who's not doing everything the way you'd've done it.

Solas: (Chuckles) I see you have been observing me as well during these conversations.

...Rook and their team can come up with a very wide variety of opinions on Solas, but that line did seem to amuse Solas, Rook had a point with that one. That is the place where Solas's wisdom meets pride.

Rook: All right, I can see how you and Elgar'nan would hate each other.

Solas: He has always been what I most feared becoming. Callous and uncaring, his arrogance unchecked. To have that much power and no one to remind him that he could be wrong…

Rook: Well, he had you.

Solas: (Chuckles) And I suppose I had you.

Solas was afraid of becoming like Elgar'nan, more pride than wisdom. He could see the possibility of that happening, the same way spirits become demons. And in the final scene, if he's not convinced to turn away from his path and attempts to tear down the Veil, he sounds very much like Elgar'nan. In the trickery version, Rook calls him out on this and Solas argues against it but then he comes out with these extremely Elgar'nan-like lines:

Solas: You think yourself capable of judging me? I have faced things you could not possibly comprehend! You are a mortal! A mortal! And I am a--(Rook interrupts him by shoving him toward his prison, and then Solas 'chuckles bitterly') I am a fool…

Even more so if Rook fights him instead of tricking him, with Solas declaring that compared to you mortals, he is a god - which Solas was pretty emphatic about denying before. And maybe that's what he was starting to say in the trickery version too before he was interrupted, "I am a--" and then he had a moment to realize what he was saying.

He was a spirit originally, and spirits are changeable by beliefs and expectations, and in this game the attempt to tear down the Veil very much does change him, instantly. The game treats him as a spirit who is being twisted away from his purpose by the act of tearing down the Veil. More than that, his purpose has already been twisted for a very long time, he already had regrets about this in those memories of ancient Elvhenan, talking about how at least the Disruption spirits died without being twisted from their purpose. He was wisdom before he was pride.

So if the bad endings are about Solas being twisted away from his nature by the very thing he feels he must do to save the world - the good ending is the opposite. It's about bringing him closer to the spirit he used to be, by finally putting down the thing that has been twisting him up.

In the good ending, Rook tries to talk Solas around even before Lavellan and Mythal join in - Rook doesn't want to see the world go through even more pain on top of what Elgar'nan has done, the world is broken but breaking the world again is the wrong way to make up for the damage Solas has caused, Solas has a chance right now to save the world by saving the Veil - and this argument is actually tempting to Solas! It's not enough, but he does pause, he thinks about it, he's conflicted, he's been conflicted this whole time, he was already wrestling with this back in Inquisition when he had only just woken up and had only seen a little of this new world, he has never wanted to break the world. He believed he had to.

Solas: I cannot. To stop now would dishonor those I have wronged to come this far.

Lavellan: Even if those you've wronged asked you to stop?

Solas: Vhenan…

Lavellan: You think you've gone too far to come back, but you're wrong. I am here, walking the dinan'shiral with you!

Solas: I lied. I betrayed you.

Lavellan: I forgive you! All you have to do is stop.

Solas: Ir abelas, vhenan… But I cannot.

...He actually paused way longer for Rook's argument about breaking the world than for this. He is more emotional with Lavellan, this did affect him, but that wasn't a convincing argument. I lied, I betrayed you - she tells him she's with him and he gives her a list of reasons she shouldn't be, he can't let himself respond to this right now.

Solas: Long before we met, I failed my oldest friend. She died for that failure. If I leave the Veil in place, I am destroying the world she wanted. And I will have… She will have died for nothing.

He believes the Veil is destroying the world Mythal wanted - and they were the firstborn elves, she invited him to take a body, the union of spirits and the mortal world is integral to his memory of her.

Side note here. If Bellara is in your team when you and Solas are traveling together during the endgame, you get this conversation:

Bellara: All I really want to know is why you killed Mythal.

Solas: The Evanuris killed Mythal.

Bellara: Only the first time. The second time, she was in Flemeth's body, and she didn't want you to destroy the world to avenge her… But you killed her. Was it because she was willing to stop, and you weren't?

Solas: That was not Mythal. It was merely a fragment.

Bellara: Right. That you killed.

…He didn't answer her after that. And now, here at the end of the game, "I will have.... She will have died for nothing," the fact that he killed that merely a fragment of Mythal for this is sticking in his mind, and we saw his regret about that moment plastered on the wall of the Lighthouse, and he is imprisoned by that regret - however conflicted he might feel, he was firmly committed to this path the moment he killed Mythal for a second time.

The final straw, the moment he finally gives up his plan, isn't about the fate of the world at all:

Mythal: I pulled you from the Fade you loved and sent you into war. I used your wisdom as a weapon… and it broke you.

Solas: The things that I have done…

Mythal: Are not for you alone to bear, my friend. The many wrongs we did, we did together. I release you from my service.

For this, he is hunched over and small, like she broke him all over again - maybe he had the right idea and breaking something a second time is the way to fix it in his particular case. He was a wisdom spirit before she sent him to war, before he was the Dread Wolf, before he broke the world trying to save it. He has been at war with one thing or another for a very long time.

Here Lavellan says "There is no fate but the love we share," and he doesn't argue with her this time. He can't look at her yet. He makes a fist. He puts a hand to his brow - was Mythal's vallaslin there once? Lowers his head. Looks at the tear in the Veil. Now he finally looks at Lavellan and the other people standing in front of him, not that fragment of Mythal, Mythal is gone. And then he binds himself to the Veil.

He hasn't let go of his past mistakes, that's not what's happening. He's still got regrets. He is letting go of the Dread Wolf, the role that a spirit of wisdom was twisted into.

Solas: With every breath I take, I will protect the innocent from my past failures. The Titans' dreams are mad from their imprisonment. I cannot kill the blight, but I can help to soothe its anger. I will go and seek atonement.

And then he is finally able to respond to Lavellan's love for him, to make this journey together.

[bardic-tales]

Hello everyone. As I mentioned yesterday, I wanted to share a personal headcanon about Bianca that I've never revealed before. If you have been following Bia's journey, you know it's a tale about despair, resilience, and the transformative power of connection. This headcanon is no different.

content warning: Abuse, alienation, blood, body mutilation, body horror, death, depression, despair, exploitation, grief, identity crisis, isolation, loss, mental health struggles, PTSD, self-harm, severe emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, supernatural violence, trauma, violence.

In a moment of profound despair after two months of isolation in the North Crater, Bianca attempted to sever her wings with Noctemaris, a symbolic act of rejecting the dual nature that had brought her endless suffering. Her wings symbolize the intricate duality of her celestial heritage: a duality that I already established that Bianca views as both a gift, but, mostly, a curse. Every feather was a testament to the suffering inflicted upon her — by Professor Ravenscroft and Hojo’s experiments, by humanity’s betrayal, and by the torment of her father, Asmodeus.

However, her actions proved futile. No blade or force of will could sever her wings. They were as indestructible as the forces that shaped her. It was a cruel reminder that some aspects of identity are inescapable. This realization broke her further, leaving her bloodied and broken amidst the cold and snow of the crater. The only thing that echoed through the desolation was her despair.

It was in this state of devastation that Sephiroth found her, as he had felt this pain through their soul-bond. He had immediately taken control of SC-X, the Wutain Sephiroth Clone, and searched for her in the vast, desolate landscape, following the trail of bloody, black feathers dotting the snowy ground. He intervened not with force, but with understanding, stopping her self-destructive act with a quiet authority that only he had. As he knelt beside her, he saw beyond the physical scar to the deeper emotional wounds that drove her to such an extreme. He recognized himself in her.

To Sephiroth, her wings are not a curse, but they are a part of her strength: a symbol of resilience forged through suffering. After all, she had grown stronger through the pain placed upon her. With an almost reverent gentleness that he rarely showed, Sephiroth began to heal the deep gashes with his own power, the warmth of his touch contrasted sharply against the bitter cold around them. His actions were more than physical. They were a balm to the deep emotional wounds she carried: a silent promise that she was not alone in her torment.

To Sephiroth, her wings are not a curse, but they are a part of her strength: a symbol of resilience forged through suffering. After all, she had grown stronger through the pain placed upon her. With an almost reverent gentleness that he rarely showed, Sephiroth began to heal the deep gashes with his own power, the warmth of his touch contrasted sharply against the bitter cold around them. His actions were more than physical. They were a balm to the deep emotional wounds she carried: a silent promise that she was not alone in her torment.

Sephiroth’s care extended beyond healing. Once her wounds were closed, he began to preen her wings: an intimate gesture that spoke volumes. Since her wings emerged as bloody, gory appendages seven years and seven months before she had her breakdown, she had only let Mordecai Delacroix and Sephiroth touch her wings. Each touch was deliberate. His fingers smoothed out the bloody feathers with a tenderness that defied his typically cold demeanor as the One-Winged Angel. He explained that the wings were a testament to her endurance. They were not a curse, but a source of power and beauty that humanity couldn’t understand. In Sephiroth’s eyes, they symbolized strength and the indomitable spirit that had survived unimaginable horrors. His words began to shift her perspective, planting seeds of acceptance and cutting through the self-loathing.

That night, Sephiroth took her hand, spreading his own wing and guiding her to spread her own to take flight. Together, they soared above the North Crater. The vast expanse of stars seemed to stretch above endlessly. This flight was brief as Bianca is more susceptible to the cold and develops hypothermia quicker than a normal human. However, it was their first flight together, and the sensation of it was very transformation to Bianca. The weight of her wings, which had always felt like chains, now seemed to lift her past the pain. The cold wind against her skin and the silent vastness of the night sky offered a perspective she had never known: one of liberation but only briefly.

However, this transformation is not immediate or simplistic. Bianca’s wings remained a source of conflict for a very long time after this flight, as they represented the darker realities of her existence. To the world, they are seen as symbols of hope and divinity, yet to Bianca, they are stained with blood and suffering. The humans who once despised her for her ‘deformity’ when she thought she was human started to revere her only to turn to fear and violence when she failed to live up to their expectations, leading to her exploitation by Shinra in a dimension she wasn’t even from. The wings are a physical manifestation of the cosmic forces that have dictated her life, a constant reminder of the chaos and suffering that was inflicted upon her.

Despite Sephiroth’s influence, the journey towards acceptance is fraught with internal struggle. Her wings become a weapon — a tool she wields in her quest to bring about the destruction and rebirth of the omniverse, aligning with Sephiroth’s vision of a world free from humanity.

The symbolism of he wings extends beyond personal trauma. It reflects a broader existential conflict. As a hybrid of celestial and demonic origins, she occupies a liminal space, as she is rejected by both angel and demon. Her afterlife in the Celestial Realm is only offered to her, as it is to all hybrids, but she would have been meant with disdain by pure-blooded celestials. This duality is not a source of balance, but a catalyst for suffering. Her celestial heritage was meant to represent purity and divine grace, but it has been corrupted by alien and demonic influences, as well as human exploitation. Her wings, therefore, symbolize the inescapable burden of her identity: an identity imposed upon her by forces beyond her control. The internal conflict fuels her hatred for angels, demons, and humans, alike, leading her to reject the cosmic narrative altogether as she turned to face her destiny. Her ultimate goal of triggering a kilonova to destroy and recreate the omniverse is an extension of this reject — a desire to erase the pain of her past and forge a future on her own turns.

In the end, Bianca’s journey is one of defiance against societal pressures and embraces transformation and healing. Her wings, once symbols of suffering and loss, become tools of power and rebellion. Under Sephiroth’s influence and their nightly flights through the crater, Bianca begins to see them not just as a reminder of her past but as instruments of her future. They are no longer a ‘curse’ and something that needed to be removed from her body, but a testament to her resilience. They are a weapon to wield against the men and divine who sought to break her. This shift in perspective underscores the complex nature of her character. It highlights the tension between her desire for freedom and the inescapable nature of her identity. Her flights at night is not just just an escape now, but it is a reclamation of identity. It’s a promise that even in the darkest moments, there is a strength to be found in the things we once saw as our greatest weakness. It shows that we can rise above the pain that life has brought upon us.

tagging some fellow mutuals: @themaradwrites @littleshopofchaos @serenofroses @megandaisy9 @watermeezer

@nightingaleflow @prehistoric-creatures @creativechaosqueen @chickensarentcheap @glbettwrites

@seastarblue

[thoughtfulstudentsalad]

And still Soo Won gave King Il even a way out of this mess.

So I will be honest, I am also not 100% sure about that... Su-Won did give Il more time, but I'm going to go an extra mile and wonder if that only meant Su-Won might have just allowed Il to "save the country" and then kill him after that.

Reason is because, he also tells Yona that he cannot die yet, until he finishes saving Kouka. Judo also tells Su-Won the same thing, to die by Hak's hand only after he protects Kouka.

Su-Won recently spoke to Hak about the concept of "getting even". So I can't help but wonder if Su-Won always thought that way with Il.

I will also consider that Il already had a pretty poor reputation. So I'm wondering if Su-Won might have just expected Il would be a bad ruler from the beginning... and the reason he never stepped into power at age nine is because he still had to train for the position (also for Kouka to not be unstable).

That said, if Il was a capable ruler (and you know, proved that Yu-Hon's influence was detrimental), Su-Won would not be able to kill him without being condemned by the nation. And Su-Won did also tell his mother that Yona's box could not be prioritized because Kouka required a strong ruler... implying that if Il was strong, then that box could be? So maybe he would end up in the same place, unable to discard them despite trying.

Heck, it might be very likely that he even tried to negotiate with him, when he became aware of Yona´s feelings..as he completely changed after he had killed King Il. (Soo Won isn´t shown to have twisted sadistic personality)

I will admit that there were was a time gap between the day Yona confessed to Su-Won and the coup. Whatever interactions Su-Won had and what he planned is a mystery. There is also Su-Won and Il's conversation:

This interaction has been brought up in bits and pieces like 4-5 times in the manga already, and we still don't have the whole context. We do know there was this mysterious interaction between Il and Su-Won. Why wasn't it revealed to us?

It sounds far-fetched, but among other theories I have also considered if this particular tidbit shown to us is actually Il telling Su-Won why he cannot attain the throne by marrying Yona. In that case, Il can be interpreted as telling Su-Won that he is not Yona's equal. What I note is that whenever Su-Won thinks of this incident, he's always shown angry. Like with Gobi. The look in his eyes are the same.

The theory does admittedly have some merit. The very reason that Yu-Hon hated the gods is because the gods looked down on humans.

So, this does seem like something Il would say.

When Mei-nyan also attempts to appeal to him later with the promise of adding divine powers to his arsenal (she also was hinted to consider marriage), Su-Won thinks of what Il said again and rebuffs her. I wonder if there's a connection.

There is also the interaction with Lili, who did wonder if Su-Won would consider marriage IF there was a benefit to Kouka, rather than how it personally benefitted him.

And then in the same chapter, Kye-sook tells him how the "god of Kouka" is Yona, not him. Another parallel to Il's words?

Nevertheless, what destroys all these arguments is that Hak point blank told Su-Won to convince Il, and what did Su-Won do? Su-Won kept denying that such a plan was even in the works.

If he really considered negotiating with Il, why deny that? In fact, if he had pretended to agree with Hak, that might have helped avert suspicion once he murdered Il. Unless Su-Won was lying to Hak when he said he had the wrong idea, but I doubt it. He has no reason to.

At least by the night of Yona's birthday, Su-Won had a specific time and place he wanted to kill him, when Yona was sleeping and out of the way, and Hak was presumably out of the way as well. So that points against this theory. Su-Won is not sadistic, but he can be cold and calculating. I don't think he completely "changed", this side was always with him, even his mother was frightened when he was acting dispassionate.

Su-Won certainly is capable of giving a hairpin and stabbing people in the back the same night if he must, that is what he showed that night. His father told him, once again, to not see pieces on a game board as people and to use dirty tricks if needed.

young Soo Won already surpressed his feelings and prevented even the murder of King Il and Yona...directly after Yu hon´s death,

For Kouka. Not for Il or Yona. Hak noticed it in the recent chapter, Su-Won is selfless when it comes to the nation's welfare.

And last but not least...all that old talk about marriage, even after Hak and Yona knew of King Il killing Yu hon, even after knowing - in Yona´s case- that King Il would have never allowed it.

I would hope that Hak has reached deeper understanding by now; actually what's surprising is that he has become more accepting of Su-Won in their recent encounter, considering how intense his hatred used to be. In fact I don't think Yona has shown as much warmth towards Su-Won as Hak did. Then again, Hak and Su-Won have always been closer...

Just mere opinions of characters still doesn´t make "Soo Won´s supposed or imagined selfishness" true. Opinions can also be changed. Sometimes an author can even throw in obvious wrong statements in a story, just to demonstrate that this was (f)actually untrue. So let´s wait and see. Soo Won has even a weakness that he hardly acts in mere self-interest most of the time.

Good point. That does happen in stories, but right now I doubt it here. We'll see what awaits.

Ever since Su-Won made the decision to make Yona the queen and Yona heard of it from Hak instead of him, I've been quite curious about what they'll say to one another when they finally meet face to face again. I don't know, I feel like that encounter just going to be different from all the others, intense. Because both have acknowledged her as his equal, just not directly to one another yet.

First there’s a political side. Whether Yona wants the throne, whether Su-Won really wants to pass it down. There is also the emotional side.

Yona remained calm (though disgusted) when she commented that Su-Won was selfish, but that was still from a distance. Which is why I can't shake the thought that Yona could be absolutely livid if Su-Won actually manages to enter the chalice (especially if it's with some intention to "save" Yona and "sacrifice" himself like some fear).

If it happens, can we get a scene where she slaps his face? Tells him to snap the fuck out of it? Stop making all these selfish decisions for her? To not put her on a pedestal and be so suicidal all of a sudden? That she's not a damsel in distress who needs saving, that she'll find a way to make the dragon gods to understand? Because such a scene will actually be a good subversion of expectations. Kusanagi has done it before, so this would be a great opportunity.

I mean Yona's already said it in her mind. "Don't you dare die as you please. Rely on those around you." She even said it to Hyu-ri. She just has to actually say those words to Su-Won himself.

Yona did disappoint me in the recent chapter because she became quite literally a damsel in distress (how else are we supposed to describe her in that scene), but a hypothetical scene like this would make up for it. It would return her agency. And honestly I've been dying to see a scene where Yona just lets all the resentment out instead of constantly suppressing it for the country or because she wants to be the better person. The dragon gods said she was also selfish, so let's see that side show a bit more.

[sugared-violets]

oh btw i just wanna say a belated thank you to everyone who ever sent me an ask or a dm or replied to one of my posts about him to tell me that my boyfriend was abusive and i should leave him. you were all right and even though i never got up the courage to do it i appreciate you for trying to convince me i was worth more than the garbage way he treated me

[claitea]

i've had these scenarios written down since volo's debut in pokemon masters and i just really wanted to scribble them down and finally release them

[bumblingbabooshka]

Thinking about Vulcans prizing “calm” over “happiness”. 

Like how humans look back on their childhood and remember how happy it was - joyful days spent running around in the sun, getting into a bit of trouble, laughing with peers and family - that’s how they know it was a good one. Meanwhile Vulcans might look back on their childhood and remember how peaceful it was. Quiet days spent studying, the warm glow of candlelit lessons in caves, getting along smoothly with ones peers - that’s how they know it was a good one. Humans typically chose their friends and romantic partners based on if this person makes them feel happy above all. The question of “Do you like being with them?” is interpreted to mean “Does being with them make you feel happy?” But since Vulcans don’t experience (or strive for) happiness there would have to be some other parameter. So I was thinking about like, what is a good relationship to a Vulcan? There’s obviously a big emphasis on ‘togetherness’ in Vulcan unions. The Pon Farr ritual Tuvok does with his [hologram] wife involves them committing to becoming “Two bodies one mind” and it’s stated that they give and receive from each other all that they are. There’s also of course the iconic “Never and always touching and touched”. This is all (as was said during T’Pol & Koss’ wedding) “The Vulcan heart, the Vulcan soul, this is our way.” Vulcans are also (ENT) expected to live together for at least a year after being married - I imagine so that they can bond with and get to know one another. In SNW T’Pring wants for Spock to honor the commitments he makes to her so in that case T’Pring values Spock keeping his word to her and placing her above other things. I see a bit of Tuvok in that, where he prizes his commitment to T’Pel over anything else to the point where he’d nearly rather die than break it: (Even though he eventually agrees to having sex with a hologram it MUST be of his wife and he lets Tom/The Audience know that he will NOT be making a habit of it. There’s no ironclad logical reason for him to react this way as a hologram is not a person but his commitment to T’Pel seems to take precedence and I believe that’s his reasoning. His bond with T’Pel is logical, sustaining and important to him and he’s loath to break it over some bodily need. some desire that will pass even if it kills him.) <- By this way of thinking, betraying T’Pel would be the emotional choice while remaining loyal to her is remaining loyal to his logical self. A strong emphasis on loyalty to one’s mate seems to be a common Vulcan trait. In the beginning this seems to be rooted in tradition but later on its probably assumed that the couple will be loyal to one another out of some sort of actual connection between two people as opposed to pure obligation. In ENT T’Pol says that a certain degree of “affection” is eventually expected to happen within a marriage (though the way she says it makes me think this doesn’t always occur and isn’t necessarily The Goal) and her mother says that she and her husband developed a “deep connection” to one another. All this makes me think that a connection and a sense of ‘togetherness’ or ‘compatibility’ would also be prized over more emotional things like a passion for one another. It’s a partnership above all and that would be prized over a romantic union.  It makes me think of Vulcans’ roots in violence and war. Maybe this commitment to a steady togetherness, two people who don’t know each other being able to work together so seamlessly they nearly become one, is a way to show they’ve moved beyond that despite the pon farr remaining. Vulcans are a naturally very emotional species. Someone who incites that would probably not be seen as someone you should spend your time with. Someone who makes your heart pound, sets you ablaze, fills you with passion - that sounds like a bad Vulcan time v_v  Tuvok says as much when he talks about how he was struck with “shon-ha’lock”. Humans wouldn’t see anything wrong with having a crush on someone (and indeed in that episode Tom only comes to the conclusion that it’s a shame Tuvok couldn’t act on these emotions) but it’s obvious that even a teenaged crush when uncontrolled can become a very big problem to a Vulcan. In one of the Star Trek Novels Tuvok even stops being friends with and talking to a girl because she tearfully admits she has feelings for him and he sees that her feelings for him cause her pain.  Instead of thinking “Oh, she really likes me, good! We’re close friends so maybe we can make this work.” or even “I don’t like her romantically but since we’re close friends we can work through it.”  Tuvok thinks “Oh, she really likes me. That must be causing her to become very emotional and I can see she’s clearly upset. I’ll remove myself from her life so my presence doesn’t incite those emotions anymore.” And while him flat out just cutting himself out of her life might seem weird and kind of cruel and a frankly hilarious reaction to someone confessing their love to you - I also think it’s something he thought of as a kindness. If his presence harms her (stirs up emotions in her) then he will remove himself to keep from harming her. Along that vein, calmness or the absence of strong emotions would be a good relationship and one worth staying in. Not that there can’t be any emotions (Tuvok and T’Les obviously care[d] deeply for their respective spouses) but that they must be controllable and able to be cast aside in the face of logic.  I also think that “knowing” the other person would be considered very important (after marriage of course). If you’re to operate as a partnership, a team, and especially if you’re both telepaths you should be able to know your spouse pretty damn well. I see T’Pring attempt to do this in SNW where she is constantly fighting to get to know Spock which Spock self-consciously discourages since he’s been told/shown that his human side is unappealing to Vulcans.  But yeah man idk...just picturing a Vulcan and a human talking for hours...walking along the beach...sleeping side by side...getting to know one another...and at the end of it all one says “You make me feel happy” and the other says “Your presence calms me” and it means, essentially, the same thing.