#he wanted to be a hero and help the marcos of the world but the reality turned out different

[gayvecchio]

[formulapookie]

Bezzetti in secrecy because Bez is hurting and in my head, Cele is coming to wipe (or kiss?) his tears away without anybody allowed to witness 😭❤️‍🩹

11/8 kiss in secrecy/on a falling tear

It's overwhelming. The pain, the voices, the constant reminder in the back of his head.

That he's not enough, has never been enough and will never be enough. Not for Vale, not for the Academy, not for MotoGP, not for anyone.

He just feels so bad, he isn't bringing home any kind of result, his teammate is doing better than him in every race, every other Ducati rider outperforming him, he's fighting to GET in the points while the others battle for podiums and wins.

When he's deep down in his mind like that no one is allowd near him, not even in his room. No one except for him.

Cele is an exception, has always been one. They had bonded early on, both still kids, the younger looking at him like an example, and that's why he felt so fucking awful. He was being shit while Cele looked up at him. Was he disappointed too? Was he going to leave him? Break up with him and take with him the last crumbs of security he still had?

There's a knock at the door. one-one-three-one. Their code.

Bez gets up to open the door, quietly making his way back to the bed, hearing the mechanics wander around the garage chatting about the race, about his DNF.

"Is everything good Marco? The collarbone is ok? The wrists? You hit your back pretty harshly are you hurting? Do I get you painkillers?"

Cele is quick to go seat beside him, taking his hands into his own, stroking the back of one of Bez's with his thumb.

"Why do you keep coming here? I am always doing badly, I'm battling with Yamaha for fuck's sake, I am not worth my seat here, you should have it. Why do you keep up with me? I just keep on disappointing Vale, I keep on disappointing you"

Cele would like to smack some sense into Bez, beautiful amazing Bez he fell in love with as a kid, Bez who helped him when he fell on track and stained all his gear with mud, Bez who was his first drunken kiss at a party, Bez he saw going with anyone but him, Bez he lookes up at like a hero.

He hates when Bez acts like this, he hates it, Bez is good, he's a winner fucking hell, he's just going through a rough path right now, why is he so hard on himself?

"I'm not letting you get eaten alive by your thoughts Marco, you know it, I'm here to help you, I just want you to know you're not weak or unworthy just because you're going through this dark moment"

A tear slowly makes his way to Bez's cheek.

Cele doesn't think, he just acts, and away from everyone else to see, the strong armour Bez puts on to seem unbothered crumbles when he kisses the falling tear, the salty taste unpleasant in the boy's mouth.

"I'm not leaving you. I am never going to be disappointed by you, and neither is Vale. I will kiss every single one of your tears away if it'll help you understand this. I know it hurts, but you can't let it get to you, you must fight it, and if you feel like you can't fight it on your own I'm here"

The secrecy of the motorhome makes Bez relax, his head going to rest on Cele's shoulder, another tear making its way across his cheek

"ah ha, no tears, you are worth way more than what you think" another kiss, this time a bit above Marco's cupid bow, where the tear had stopped.

Cele kisses away three more tears, until Bez eventually falls asleep, his head stil on his shoulder.

He looks perfect like this, a little angel, away from the hawk eyes of the press, away from the comments mechanics made, away from the world, just Cele's to see.

"I love you" the younger whispers before eventually falling asleep next to Bez he moved to stay in a more comfortable position on his bed.

"I love you too" Bez thinks, incapable of bringing himself to open his eyes, another tear falling from his eye in the hope Cele will kiss it away again.

bezzetti angst? YES

Send me a Ship name and a Number and I'll write a kiss

[veevee-the-artist]

1 4 and 7 for Creeps

Questions for Mister Creeps of the Peeks!

1; What’s the lie your character says most often?

Mister Creeps Often lies about his orgins, he lies about his feelings, he lies to himself. In the Early days of his new life in the Minecraft World, Mister Creeps realized very quickly that villagers, wandering trader, the rare illager, and most other player does not know what he is talking about when talking his homeland. What is a TV? Grocery store? Chips? What in the Overworld is a Car or a Air Plane?

In his journey and life, Mr. Creep not met another person from his world... He had to make up a lot of stuff so that other heroes would not think of him crazy.

Hiding behind a mask for so long , it grew more familiar than his own face.

Sometimes that fact keeps him awake at night...

4; What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Hobbies? Mr. Creep misses a lot of his little hobbies. Skate Boarding, competitive video games, listening to classic rock with his dad, baking with his mom, bugging his parents to take him to the beach so he can go surfing. Most of all, he misses playing his guitar and singing to his little cousins. He always wanted to try playing a lute... He still sings on the occasion. Mostly for Valkory to help her sleep.

He wonders how his family is doing...

7; What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

Mr.Creeps is a sucker for Marco!! ....... Polo!!

It's a game he used to play with Valkory whenever they go mining together. Just in case they get lost.

Bonus; I imagine his theme is C418 - Aria Math

[quinloki]

I’mma muse about some stuff and it’s going to get a little lot dark so please tread carefully.

Topics will include assault, trauma, trauma processing, projection, and messy healing.

And oddly enough, it all started with realizing what defining moment it was that made Marco my #1 blorbo over Eustass Kid.

I love Eustass Kid - from canonical character to head canon king, I just love him. He is, as I’ve said, to me the quintessential dom - the quintessential Kinkster. Maybe it’s the aesthetic, or the misfits of the misfits vibe his entire crew has going on, or maybe I’m just projecting my own ideal onto a big beef cake.

Of all the mental/emotional deep dives I could go on, I’m not here to muse on that.

I realized Marco had overtaken Kid for me when I found myself craving dark fics with Marco. Not the kind where he’s being dark, the kind where Teach has his face in the dirt and his ass in the air and is threatening to slaughter all the survivors if Marco struggles against him.

And I realized that one of the biggest reasons for that - and I think most dark content - is the validation it provides. That the things I survived weren’t as avoidable as I used to believe, they were neither my fault nor within my control.

It’s a validation that even strong people can be victims and being one doesn’t make you weak or worth less.

It provides a way to navigate the healing after ward, and because we see the darkest parts of the trauma we can see the messiest parts of that healing too. The good days that weave between the neutral ones that are tied down by the awful ones.

The validation that healing is messy. For our heroes as much as for us, for the people we admire and disdain.

And fiction, fan fiction especially with the added layer of connection I feel that exists, let’s us apply those traumas not just from the hands of villains, but also heroes, such as they may exist in the original world. Good guys can do bad things - the person your community exalts Can be the villain who hurt you. The delinquent who broke your nose can also be the one who pulls you from a burning building.

We are complex.

It’s easier to process that complexity on the canvas of fictional characters sometimes than to face it directly. And I think that’s okay. I honestly think it’s wonderful - a beautiful, if not often misunderstood side effect of creativity.

And sometimes? Sometimes we break those beloved characters and end the story with them shattered. Because that could have been our end. That is the What If we hadn’t survived.

And I don’t think we’re always aware of this - I know a few people who don’t even realize how traumatized they are. They’re flippant, coping with humor, about things that make your blood run cold when you hear them. Sometimes denial fuels people, and they’re okay because they’re too strong to be a victim, too functional to be broken.

So we don’t realize why that drive is there. Why we want to see certain events presented in fiction. Why it feels like relief, or why we cry at parts we wouldn’t expect to prompt tears.

But kink, fic, bdsm, etc. as long as you aren’t exploiting or harming someone real, then I don’t think there’s a single thing wrong with how dark your content gets.

(If you start actually wanting to harm someone though, please seek professional help. Your fantasy/coping lines are blurring with reality and you’re gonna need external assistance carving that line back into place.)

But, odd as it is, to me, bad things don’t happen to Kid (I mean the canon material beats him up enough as well). Kid’s the rock that weathers everything so his crew stays protected. So *I* stay protected. Even if he was broken he’d never admit to it, not in any way that would lead to processing it and healing from it.

But to me, he doesn’t break.

Marco can. But Marco can also heal from it, and I’m not talking about his Devil fruit. I’m talking about wounds you can’t just bandage or regenerate. He’s strong, so strong, but he’s been through the ringer, and you only need to apply a little more pressure… and then heal with him afterward.

That makes him, to me personally, more relatable. And thus back to the seemingly innocuous reason for this - that’s why he’s my #1.

[fearxtoxfreedom]

NAME : Heino AGE : 25 GENDER : Male SEXUALITY : Bisexual ENERGY : Sorcery HEIGHT : 183 см REGION : Sunset IDENTITY : Head of The Fate Clan QUOTE : "Cold and emotionless - What's wrong with that?"

WORLD CONNECTIONS :

DOILA : Perhaps a bit too cheerful and loves helping others, but always ends up causing more trouble because she doesn't know any better. She feels familiar somehow, even though they've never met before... MARCO POLO : To Heino, Marco Polo's always laughing, easily intrigued by new things, and great at getting the party going, but he never ever lets on when he's feeling down. Heino hopes that he will be able to find his father soon. MILADY : An aggressive but sensible ruler who's revived the fortunes of the Hightower clan. Heino can't seem to get a good read on her, thus he often treads carefully when dealing with her. ALLAIN : An extremely rare find. After all, where else in Navenia can one find a mercenary that helps others at the cost of his meals? ALESSIO : Heino views him as a fool, one who goes to great lengths to protect the Outer City all because of a borrowed name. Foolish though he may be, he's much better company than the local nobles. BIRON : Contrary to most, Heino doesn't see Biron as a fool. In fact, this mercenary who carries on even after losing his arm is far wiser and greater than those Inner City braggarts who only know how to show off. MAYENE : Although she keeps saying that she doesn't want to be a hero, she never holds back when it comes to certain people and issues. At this rate, she definitely won't be able to slack off. LUNA : Heino has heard of what happened to Luna's clan, and feels like she's no longer the person he used to know from the Lunari Clan. Luna's much colder and more practical now. KAIZER : Both Arkana nobles living in the Inner City, they've known each other since they were young. After a series of unfortunate events that fell upon their families, the two went their separate ways and have not met since.

BIOGRAPHY :

The Fate Clan had been away from the Navenian Council for so long, the people of Navenia may have forgotten what they used to be like. There was a time when the Fate Clan was one of the leading clans of Navenia who steered the kingdom with their ability to see the future. However, the ones who led the way met with sudden misfortune and were lost to the Deep Sea, and the stars have dimmed since then. When Heino was a child, the Scepter of Fate predicted that the Fate Clan was destined to fall. As a result, it was said by some that Heino was the ominous portent signalling the clan's downfall. If the fall of the clan was the likeliest possibility that an infinite future held, then Heino had been on the road to fighting fate alone ever since he had become the head of the clan as a young boy. Despite opposition from the rest of his clan, Heino made the decision to relocate Revelation Hall to the outskirts of the city to be more in touch with the common people and build prestige for the Fate Clan. In the face of competition from the other clans, he gave up most of their assets apart from a well-run restaurant and opera house which would serve as the clan's lifeline. Through this, he was able to save the Fate Clan from extinction, unlike the other Arkana clans. It was only then that everyone realized that the one with the so-called bad luck was actually the one they could trust and rely on the most. "I don't believe our fates are set in stone." "Fate" has never been about shackles that we can't escape. It is not the end, but the path we forge through in life. "Seeing thousands of possible fates as I walk the path of infinities." Heino firmly believes that outcomes can be reversed, and is determined to make the light of fate shine bright again.

[themosleyreview]

The Mosley Review: The Equalizer 3

Very seldom do film trilogies realize what type of genre they belong to and stick with it. The standard is to go big in the sequel and by the third film, pull out all the stops and have a major blast of a send off. Its a common downfall for trilogies that aren’t designed for that to do make that mistake. Its extremely rare for a franchise to circle back around to what made the first film fantastic and scale back down to a slower, smaller and more personal story. That is what this film did and it was a refreshing return of an almost forgotten style of storytelling. What I loved is the build up to the action and how precise it still was with every movement of the camera and brutal yet efficient execution the titular character dealt. The story itself isn't as earth shattering or epic as most would expect and that was its strong suit. It may come off familiar and stereotypical in many ways, but that didn't stop the film from being fun and exciting. The action in the film was great and I loved the cause and effect approach that most action have films have forgotten how to achieve. There is a reason for the carnage and doesn't have to involve a massive body count by the end.

Denzel Washington returns as the franchise hero Robert McCall and he hasn't skipped a beat. He is still that secretive, clean and precise avenger we all love but this time we get to see something that I want more characters to have. In this film, the actions of his life catch up to him and makes him come to grips with his vitality. I loved that for once he is actually looking for a peaceful life away from the world. It was a beautiful and warm ending for Robert that ties directly back to the first film. Dakota Fanning joins the franchise as CIA analyst Emma Collins and she was fantastic. The instant chemistry between her and Robert was awesome and wholesome. I liked her willingness to get into the investigative side of her job as this was her first major case. As a side note, its almost been 20 years since Denzel and Dakota have been on screen together and that chemistry and friendship is felt the moment they’re on screen together. David Denman was good as her CIA Operative partner Frank Conroy even if he's there just to showcase the international gravity of the situation and drive the exposition of the story forward. Remo Girone was great and loveable as Enzo Arisio. He really brings out the warmer side of Robert that I don't think he's seen in a long time and helps him appreciate the meaning of peace. Eugenio Mastrandrea was good as the town Marshal Gio Bonucci. He gets put through the ringer in the film and I loved that he never faltered. Andrea Dodero was great as your typical small time gangster Marco Quaranta. He is instantly despicable and its a testament to his excellent acting. Andrea Scarduzio was awesome and venomous as his older brother Vincent. I loved his vicious nature and his intensity once Robert comes on to his radar. The payoff in the conflict between was so satisfying and personal.

Marcelo Zarvos takes over as the composer this time around and he did a excellent job highlighting the beauty in the film and puncuating the action. The smooth, tense and slow building music to the action never over took the scenes, but the score really sores in the moments with the towns people. I loved the intimate way Italy is shown and how it highlights the food and its people. It was quite tranquil against the blood soaked action sequences. As I said before, the second film stayed true to the tone of the first film, but it quickly started to stray and become about the action set pieces. This film brings it all back and wraps up the story in a heartfelt way that may leave you wanting more, but doesn't over stay its welcome. I truly enjoyed this film and if you loved the first 2, then you'll enjoy this one. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in comments below. Thanks for reading!

[raayllum]

I'm a little confused because someone who didn't do anything to Rayla (Marcos) is very different from someone who will do bad things (Aaravos). And Rayla is willing to kill those she thinks fall in the latter category (as with Viren), yet it seems like Rayla could choose to let Aaravos do terrible things over harming Callum (like she implied in 4x07). So if Aaravos is released as a result of Rayla's choice, was that not already foreshadowed?

Again: that's the tricky thing. On the one hand, Rayla refusing to sacrifice Callum is a sign of growth, for someone who's regularly put herself and her wants and loved ones (her parents in S5, leaving Callum during the timeskip no matter how much she wanted to stay and even though she knew it would hurt him) on the back burner. On the other hand, Rayla framing it as only her taking this Risk to get him back, that it doesn't matter what Aaravos-Callum does to her so long as she saves him, is her same old pattern of behaviour.

But even if Rayla does refuse to kill Callum, and that does lead to Aaravos being released, all that means is that Callum's choices - to save her all the way back in 2x07, and to double down on it in 5x08, and possibly to choose to knowingly engage in a scenario that would leave him vulnerable to being possessed again (as we don't know how that'd work without the mirror as an instigator) - have likewise led him to actually free Aaravos. The worst project partner team ever, tbh, because they both fumbled the bag by choosing each other over the world.

S5 made them pretty blatant callbacks to Bloodmoon Huntress' emotional core, not only in bringing in Kim'Dael, but also the whole "stronger together" theme and Rayllum's parallels to Ruthari / these panels.

E: Who I love, where I love, what I love, these are all specific. But to Runaan and those like your parents... Love is rooted in all families, in all creatures. Souls like that feel called to protect everyone as fiercely as those they hold close. [...] Sometimes helping others requires great feats of strength, Rayla. But you are right. Sometimes an act of caring is as simple as being there when it seems no one else is. Both are necessary. 

If 5x08 is Callum's equivalent of 'leaving' in TTM, then he also needs an in-show equivalent to Rayla trying to save him from possession. (Which literally everything indicates she will, ultimately, do so successfully; whether it'll be too late is what's up for speculation). We've seen this a little bit in Chasing Shadows already in terms of themes of loss of sense of self due to sacrifice/trauma + remembrance of self due to Callum and Rayla's bond but like

Literally every sign and plot point thus far has indicated that Callum will only be put into a position where, if he is the one freeing Aaravos, it'll be because he did something for Rayla. Whether that's the coins and the adjourning star magic being more complicated than usual leading to possession, or a more conscious choice regardless of brainwashing... These two and their arc and bond have been interwoven from the very start.

This is also why I've posited I could easily see a scenario where Rayla breaks Callum free of the brainwashing (reinstating her identity as "That's what makes her a hero, that's what makes her Rayla") but is hurt ("Or hurt people I care about" while it pans directly to Rayla / everything about 5x08) or captured or something, and that leads to Callum playing into Aaravos' hands anyway.

"Rayla sparing Callum will be responsible for freeing Aaravos" leaves out the fact that Callum is the one trying to free Aaravos (under possession), after all. Callum's choice was already made; Rayla's will just be a response to it

Callum and Rayla are gonna doom the world, and they're gonna do it together, lmao

[anoctoberpepper]

Terry and Sparrow and the Mission to Give Lincoln a Life

The breakroom at D.A.D.D.I.E.S. is janky. It shouldn’t be. Through a series of transactions that no one but Nick and Lark know about, they have the money for what they need, But they overlook the comforts of a functioning coffee maker and a microwave for other things. Mainly weapons and tech. 

It doesn’t matter much. They have what they need. 

Sparrow gets his 2am meal out of the middle shelf in the fridge. The one that doesn’t freeze the food or leave it questionably warm. It’s a perfectly made vegan wrap and apple slices courtesy of Rebecca Oak. Terry is less interested in food. He holds the second-hand coffee pot up against the dripspout so it will actually brew, and waits. 

“Where do you think they are?” Sparrow asks. He drops his food onto the counter, peels off the lid, rubs his eyes. 

“Tempe, by now,” Terry says. He pulls out his phone. Grant has his location on. Thank god. He’s hoping the phone hasn’t flown from his hand. “Give it an hour, we’ll head out to our half of this mess.” 

Sparrow hums in agreement and Terry turns on his phone just to check that his guesstimation is correct. 

“God damn paranoid.” Terry says, as soon as the light from the phone reaches his eyes. “What?” Sparrow leans over to catch a glance at Terry’s phone. Instead of the tracking app, there’s a spread of texts from Grant. 

“Marco’s not answering his texts,” Terry says. 

“Probably because he’s asleep, like a normal person.” It doesn’t pass him by that it’s the middle of the night. Somewhere out there Hero and Normal, Taylor and Lincoln are asleep. At least hopefully. In Grant’s mind somehow Lincoln is always kidnapped, or fighting monsters or attacked by an incursion. Always.

“Tell him we checked the house and everything is fine,” Sparrow says, but Terry’s already typing out the message on his phone. Everything is fine. Marco’s asleep, Linc’s fine.

“There has got to be an off switch on that man,” Sparrow mumbles. 

“You know there’s not,” Terry tone is softer than Sparrow’s. He’s always understood Grant a little better than the others. Maybe because his mom worked for years with people who needed just a little more breathing room, a little more help. Maybe it’s because his step dad had to learn how to be a human right in front of him. Maybe that’s it. Either way, ever since the trip to The Forgotten Realms, and even before that, Grant needed reminders to breathe, to see the world in front of him, and to not assume the worst. 

“You think you can talk to him again?” Terry asks Sparrow. He wants to do it himself, Lincoln can’t spend his entire life cooped up in a house, but unlike him, Sparrow has kids. One who’s barely seven and knows how to shoot a gun, and the other definitely not as normal as Sparrow would hope. With his goofy missing front tooth, his wide smile, and love of cheerleading competitions on TV. 

“I can try again,” Sparrow says, always ready for a heart-to-heart. “I think he’ll listen this time.” Optimistic. Terry thinks. Last time they talked Grant stormed out of the room, only to come back the next day looking like he hadn’t slept. “He’s got to give that kid some semblance of a normal childhood,” Sparrow continues.  

Terry watches him get that thousand-yards stare again. The apple in his hand hovers a few inches from his mouth. Sparrow’s got his own hang ups and fears, but those are for another day, Terry thinks. For now they just have to wait for the next step in their mission, and their next mission after that. And maybe if they’re lucky, somewhere in between they can figure out how to be half the dad’s their parents were.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

When last we saw Mike Meyers, he had heavily damaged his career by starring in the live action Dr. Seuss adaptation The Cat in the Hat. Yes, I argued that it wasn’t that bad a film, but back in the day critics and audiences didn’t agree, and the one-time comedic juggernaut spent five years without headlining a major film. So, as you can imagine, when it was announced he was going to be coming out with another comedy in the vein of Austin Powers or Wayne’s World called The Love Guru featuring a character he had been working on for years, people got interested. Meyers is a very funny guy, and we all wanted to see him make a big comeback in live action. Shrek is great, but so is Austin Powers, and seeing the man inhabit a ridiculous character (or several) in live action is always amusing. Combine that with the star-studded cast, and what we have is a recipe for success!

Unfortunately, if that worked, we wouldn’t be here. What we got is a film that was so critically reviled that it sank what was left of Mike Meyers’ floundering career, ensured the director Marco Schnabel never directed again, and perhaps most notably sounded the death knell for the comedy formula Meyers had help popularize in the 90s and 2000s. Think of the gags in the Austin Powers films, with their gross-out humor and overly-long jokes and the clever but ridiculous visual gags; these films were already slowly dying off thanks to films like Freddy Got Fingered taking everything to the logical, polarizing extreme, but this movie basically took a genre that was on life support out behind the shed and executed it.

The film managed to make it to #3 on Empire’s 50 Worst Movies Ever (a list I have a lot of issues with, to be fair), but other than that, it really has kind of been forgotten. Sure, it comes up sometimes when people discuss bad comedies, but it’s not really a go-to example like some of the Seltzerberg films. It’s a very niche pick, so maybe there’s some sort of value to it that’s saving it from being more widely mocked. Fifteen years down the road, is The Love Guru really that bad, or was it unfairly judged by critics and audiences?

THE GOOD

With this much talent in the film, there was bound to be something good. Meyers definitely pulled in at least some of the right people, because there are a few truly standout performances here. Chief among them is Stephen Colbert as a deranged, drug-addicted sports announcer who feels like he would be at home in Madworld; they waste no time in showing him either, as he manages to breathe life into an otherwise bland opening infodump. He bounces off Jim Gaffigan pretty well; Gaffigan’s continued exasperation at Colbert’s insane hijinks are pretty amusing.

There is also, amazingly enough, Justin Timberlake. Unlike that other time he co-starred with Mike Meyers in a comedy film, he’s actually kind of funny (by this film’s standards, anyway). He portrays a hockey player named Le Coq, so named because he has a very big dick. Like, it’s fucking enormous, the bulge on this dude is unreal. As lame and one-note of a joke as this character would be in the hands of someone slightly less talented, Timberlake manages to make him amusing by portraying him as a huge fucking idiot, which ends up making him moderately endearing when compared to the “heroes” of the film.

That’s all I got, guys.

THE BAD

I think the big problem is, unfortunately, Meyers himself.

I love the guy and how he can just portray the wackiest people imaginable, but there’s somewhere where you have to draw the line, and boy fucking howdy is Guru Pitka the line. In the first twenty minutes, he establishes himself as a sexist pervert who is also extremely intolerant of dwarfism, and if that’s not enough he is very much the epitome of a guy who cannot stop doing a bit. Meyers shines through this character in the worst way possible here: It always, always feels like he’s mugging for the camera. The cherry on top is that the movie shills him constantly as this super genius guru, but all of his advice and his numerous books that he whips out for gags are the most basic self-help bullshit you could imagine. And there’s the whole weirdness of Meyers playing a white guru with an Indian accent; gives off heavy Apu vibes if I’m being honest, so I’m really not sure why he thought this character would be the next big thing. 

And maybe this could be at least a little forgivable if he was ever funny. But he is not. All he does is act rude to others, make the lamest jokes and puns imaginable, and do one of those weird Mike Meyers laughs that sounds extremely similar to ones he did as the Cat. Speaking of the Cat, even if that movie was far from perfect, at least its main character got in a few chuckles with some of his lines, deliveries, and gags. Man got his cock and balls tortured for that pinata scene, you gotta respect that. Pitka doesn’t have anything like that.

Though let’s be real here: Nothing in this movie has anything like that. This is a comedy devoid of humor. Yes, there are a few mildly funny elements here and there, there are a couple of amusing side characters, but it’s not anything you’ll be laughing out loud at. I barely even cracked a smile watching this, at most nodding and thinking, “Yeah, I guess this isn’t as awful as the last few jokes.” Pitka is such an obnoxious and unfunny lead that any time you’re away from him for a moment with a different character, it feels like a comedic breath of fresh air even if the joke is just “This guy has a large penis” or “This guy has dwarfism.” And this film is really ripe with all the worst aspects of comedies of its time: There’s misogyny, there’s toilet humor, there’s lazy genitalia humor, there’s mockery of people with dwarfism (aimed at Verne Troyer, no less!), there’s homophobia… You know, it’s funny. I watched Talladega Nights recently, and while that film has a bit of homophobic humor to it, it kind of fits the sort of characters they are, and the film does end with Will Ferrel giving Sacha Baron Cohen a huge kiss to thunderous applause. Like it’s played for laughs and all, but it doesn’t feel nearly as mean as when this supposed love expert self-help guru is throwing around homophobic insults.

And then there’s the racism. For example, we have Ben Kingsley’s minor role as… sigh… Guru Tugginmypudha. He’s Pitka’s mentor obviously, and he is probably one of the most horrendous stereotypes imaginable. He’s like a minstrel show version of a Hindu guru, and this is even more fucking baffling because not only is he being played by a man who won an Academy Award for portraying Gandhi, Kingsley is literally of Indian descent! What the actual fuck was he thinking when he took this role? I’m guessing it was what he was going to do with the paycheck they offered him, but really, it just comes off as needlessly tasteless in a film nearly completely devoid of flavor.

Oh, and among the many celebrity cameos, we have one from Celine Dion. She’s only ever seen from far away or from behind. Out of all the celebs they got for this film, they decided to keep in a joke for one they couldn’t get, and this is all the more glaring when they managed to manipulate stock footage of Oprah to at least kind of seem legit. Like if it weren’t for everything else I mentioned prior, this wouldn’t really be a big issue, but it kind of just highlights how little of a fuck anyone gave about this movie.

Did I mention the fucking elephants? The plot is resolved with the help of fucking elephants.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

I decided to come up with this series because I wanted to examine some of the most infamous, contested, and despised movies in history and determine if they’re deserving of their reputation. So far, my answer for every film has been a “No,” or at least not a straight up “no.” But The Love Guru? This film is exactly as bad as it sounds.

I think the reason it has been so thoroughly forgotten is because, in the grand scheme of things, it is just another really bad late 2000s comedy filled with all of the sort of jokes people stopped doing in the wake of stuff like The 40-Year-Old Virgin, which pushed comedy in a more natural and realistic direction which involved less outrageous scenarios and more down-to-earth hijinks with a smarter angle to it. This was a film Meyers had been gestating for a while, so it came out right in time to snuff out it brand of comedy by being woefully outdated and out of place, a sad relic of a bygone era of comedy films. It was the sort of thing no one wanted anymore, and so why even bother to remember it?

Frankly, I think this film would have fared a lot better if it had been connected to the Austin Powers films as originally intended. It would have worked on multiple levels: It gives Meyers another new character to bounce Austin off of, it rejuvenates the Austin Powers franchise with a new film, it gives Pitka a role in an established property as a boost, and its humor is far less out of place in a series that relies on that very thing. If they had released it earlier, maybe after Goldmember, they could have given Powers one last hurrah and maybe had Guru Pitka in a film that wasn’t absolute dogshit.

That being said, is this really the worst comedy ever? I’m not sure that it is, but it’s definitely up there. Alongside The Master of Disguise and Disaster Movie, I certainly consider it one of the worst comedies I’ve ever seen in my life. That 3.8 is way to generous; how this film isn’t higher on the Bottom 100 of IMDB is beyond me. This is rated better than Battlefield Earth, better than Cats, and most bafflingly of all it has a higher score than Sharkboy and Lavagirl is just baffling to me! The Room is rated worse than this! HOW?

So hey, congrats to everyone who voted for me to watch this! You’ve given Is It Really That Bad? It’s first resounding “YES, it’s that fucking bad!” I’m sure it won’t be the last time this happens, but what a first entry in films that are hated as much as they deserve… although I honestly think this one deserves to be hated a little more.

[testingcheats0n]

Since everyone who's offering their lukewarm microwave reheated takes on tender is the flesh doesn't seem to read all that much I am here to offer a somewhat lukewarm (but not reheated) opinion myself.

First off, yes Marcos got Jazmín pregnant everyone who's ever read anything (and watched the shape of water) could tell you that was going to happen because otherwise there would be no narrative catharsis. The book would be half as long if he gave Jasmín up. Some of you act like he really had sex with an animal.

On a side note I would have loved to read some more of Marcos' day to day until he cracked under the enormous pressure the system puts him on and destroyed his life.

The ending made no sense as in the characters were forced into a situation that they would never get into and reacted in character. I guess.

I am typing this at 3am please help.

The premise is very flawed, and the system is moronic. The gore is there for shock value and it makes no sense like when is the last time you've heard of a trend in which people take live animals into their home and eat them piece by piece? Nonsense.

Author likes to lamphsade cliches and commit them unironically at the same time.

That said, it is a disturbing read, it does inflict psychological damage and I do recommend it to new gore/horror readers who want to be quickly and easily immersed.

A personal theory of mine is that the virus was in the humans and never in the animals causing a mass hysteria and abnormal behavior bc some of these people were acting mighty not... human. Like beyond typical human cruelty and grimdark and yadda yadda yadda. Genuinely these people let themselves go in like 20 years.

People talk a lot about the objectification of women (duh, that's every media everywhere always) and don't talk about the multiple men with severe mental health issues and how the system pits them against eachother- and even the objectification of men which are treated as crash test dummies, and animals to be hunted.

The bad guys are literally eating babies and kicking puppies, like. Come on.

Marcos is not superman btw. He can't snap his fingers and create a new life for Jasmín, she doesn't even understand personal safety- she thinks that her own blood is a good substitute for floor paint!!!- he cannot give her agency because they will both die if he does!!

And yes obviously she deserves a good life, but american media has brainwashed us into believing that Marcos has the power or responsability to give it to her when he's barely managing on his own.

Am not excusing literally everything else he did to her goddamn. Why author? Why? He could destroy his soul in different ways!!

He is the cleaning service after the rich men party, yes he comes in contact with them, he might even know them by name and be friendly with them, and have been on the same level once upon a time, but he doesn't have nearly as much power as them.

It's also not his responsability to be the hero- he might be the protagonist, but that's it. He can't fight the government or singlehandedly demolish the system. He can undermine it, temporarily until it kills his puppies and makes a funeral for his dad which he didn't want.

And just... yes it is about hypocrisy because he wrote the same rules he is now evading, but you see how we never ever got in contact with the real powers in the world? It was just this cog against other cogs at the bottom of the machine none of what they were doing had any real impact (his rules were to prevent further human abuse btw, he ensured that some very bare minimums were met in the framework of an absolute nightmare)

Marcos is a beautiful character btw, I'd like to put him in a petting zoo and see how he interacts with the other animals. He is not placing animals at a higher position like we do in the "i prefer dogs to humans" way he's just genuinely and utterly lonely missing a past life and surrounded by people who pretend to be humans, he is disgusted by most people, and yes that does include the captive humans- he's in a constant horror movie that never stops once he gets out of the house. And then Jazmín invades his house too.

Marcos doesn't treat women badly (except the end and all that led to it which is uh... yeah. Still makes no sense.) women treat him badly. His wife abandons him after the death of his son while he has 0 emotional support, his sister is a narcissist, he snaps at a woman while he's grieving (ONCE), he helps another one through emotional turmoil, the only other woman who he meets is literally nicknamed "Doctor Mengele". His thoughts were also rated E for everyone that man disliked every single person in his life except his father

[eastsidemags]

DARKFORM Signing

East Side Mags is super stoked to welcome all 4 members of the creative team behind DARKFORM - an amazing indie comic with talent spreading from Essex County to Venezuela!

Meet the minds behind DARKFORM and get all 4 signatures! Collect them all!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR/CREATOR My name is Marc Saporito, born and raised in Bloomfield NJ, married to my wife Allison for seventeen years. I have seven beautiful children. Caring for them is the driving force behind who I am and what I do!! I Love them so much!! I’m currently a maintenance worker, house painter, and former Christmas tree salesman!!! I remember the days of standing outside in the freezing cold At Plochs home and garden center, selling trees with my Plochs brothers!!! It was a great time every year!! A big shout out to them, you know who you are!!! Many thanks to Anibal for helping me visualize this project and helping me when I thought all hope was lost. Also thanks Junior for working with him. These two Artists are top notch in this field true masters of their craft!! Another big shoutout to my brother Tony and his wife Cecilia, love you both!! To my brother from another mother my producer and friend for over thirty years Daniel Russomano. He is also my creative partner on these projects who didn’t hesitate when I asked him for his help. When he agreed I then knew my lifelong dream was about to happen. The world is going to hear a lot from MDM STUDIOS, because we have a ton to say and create. So sit back and enjoy a new breed of superhero one that’s going to take the world by storm. Last but not least I know the world is a very harsh place at times but we need to help the less fortunate, honestly I try and do my part everyday!!! Thank you. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram under Marco Sappo!! God bless all!!!

My name is Junior Mejias, im a Venezuelan comic book artist and illustrator. My journey into comics began with a anime called Naruto, which I would watch every Saturday night. It made me fall in love with great storytelling and inspired to tell stories through my own art.

 I think creating comics is much like creating a film, if not more challenging. As comic book artists we are tasked with bringing a script to life by depicting life, emotion, and movement through nothing but 2D images.

 What I found works for me in my approach to creating comics is working backwards. What I mean by that is figuring out how I want the page to end and how that panel will look and go from there. An old professor of mine once told me if you drive without a destination you'll drive forever. 

When it comes to artistic influences I have two that come to mind. Greg Capullo who penciled Spawn for many issues. He has spectacular pencils as well as an amazing eye for filling the space, and J Scott Campbell who’s known for his beautiful stylization of comic book women.

My favorite thing about making comics is the penciling alongside great storytelling. I love starting the production and creating something out of a blank page. I like to take my time rendering my pencils so tight they squeak! 

On the other hand, my least favorite thing about creating comics would have to be the occasional artists block, sometimes you just cant find the the perfect angle for a specific scene and as a perfectionist I don't settle for anything but the best I can offer.

My name is Daniel Russomano i was born in Newark New Jersey and I reside in Nutley New Jersey . I have a son Daniel, a daughter-in-law Lindsay, a granddaughter Mila and another granddaughter on the way. I have a French bulldog named Rocky and a parakeet named Angel who are best friends. I like spending time with my family and pets. I also like to grow tomatoes in my garden. I like to read and go fishing. 

     My favorite super hero is of course The Dark Form. I also like all of the other superheroes. If I could choose one super power it would be to have the strength to unite the world in peace.

     Marc Saporito and I have been friends and coworkers for over thirty years. So when he approached me about coming on board as a producer and investing in the dark form i said yes. Now we share our ideas and work together to create one of the best stories you will ever read. I am on Instagram @ thedarkform.official.

Anibal Arroyo is an illustrator and self published author. He is mostly self taught but did attend the prestigious Joe Kubert School of Cartooning and Graphic Illustration, achieving a one year certification. He has worked on several independent creator owned projects from graphic novels to children’s books.

He works in a variety of mediums including traditional as well as digital methods.  An exceptional sequential artist and storyteller with an incredible eye for detail, Anibal is an asset to any creative project he dives into.

Don’t miss this all-star signing and grab a copy of DARKFORM quadruple signed by all the creators!

[somewhere-in-the-dungeon]

Jake is from Theros. The myths of heroes, grand and glorious and uncomplicated live in his mind as he tries to cope with a war that's anything but. That fits with Theros's Grecian heroes. Jakes whole deal is bringing order and stability to the team, which makes him White. He was the second son, his brother a champion in the wrestling ring.

Marco is from Innistrad. Everyone is scared of monsters all the time, fear relieved only by Marco's gallows humour, and as that humour is striped away it leaves someone willing to get his hands dirty and use ruthless invention to stay alive and get what he wants. That fits with the mad scientists and ghoulcallers of Innistrad. Marco is all about the bright clear line between him and what he wants, willing more than anyone else to sacrifice any principle and cross any line for victory, which makes him Black.

Cassie is from Ikoria. She cares deeply about the animals that are her only weapon, able to live with them and bond with them and help them even when it's scary. That fits with Ikoria's monsters and the Bonders. She's the slowest to change, the most resistant to the corruption and slippery slope of war, and the one fighting for the whole world instead of just the parts of it that talk and drink pepsi or drive cars, which makes her Green.

Rachel is from Kaldheim. Hair braided back, an ax in her hand and her enemies blood on her face, Rachel is a warrior and a berserker. That's perfect of Kaldheim, which is all about Norse myth. She starts out willing to brave the dangerous crossing on a lark, against the rules, and ends up screaming defiance into the face of the enemy in a mission that can only end with her going to the graveyard, which makes her Red.

Ax is from Arcavios. He's about figuring out something new and interesting, with victory coming either because he thinks up something nobody else thought was possible or because his tail blade was just faster than anyone else moved, which makes him Blue. A Quandrix scholar at the greatest library in the multiverse.

Tobias is from Bloomburrow, the plane where everyone gets turned into talking animals. No further comments.

Love the content so far! Could you possibly do an AU with the Animorphs in a Magic the Gathering setting? Which planes they'd be from if planeswalkers, and/or which guilds they'd be in if in Ravnica?

I haven't played Magic the Gathering! Anyone who has played, and knows Animorphs, willing to weigh in?

[purplehairedwonder]

Chapter 1059: Angels in the Amazon

That was quite a chapter, wow.

We start by tying up some loose ends in Wano. Marco is heading off into retirement, but not before he and Luffy finally get their meeting:

Luffy thanks Marco for helping him during Marineford, and Marco tells Luffy that Ace would be proud. Lovely moment.

We also get some clarification on why Yamato is staying in Wano:

I know some people are calling this a cop-out, but I actually really appreciate this? After all, Oden’s greatest mistake was leaving Wano to selfishly explore the world when his leadership was needed to protect the country from Kaido and Orochi. Wano suffered for decades because of it. Yamato is making the right choice where Oden didn’t. 

And then we get to the meat of the chapter. So much to unpack as the Marines descend upon Amazon Lily.

We’ve got the Seraphim, which seem to be the World Government’s replacements for the Warlords. And they seem to be younger versions (clones? cyborgs?) of the Warlords fused with Lunarian DNA. (King’s introduction now paying off.)

We seem Boa and Mihawk Seraphim here. Does this mean there are Seraphim for the other Warlords? Are we going to see mini Doffy and Jinbei -- what about Buggy and Law? Replacing the Warlords with modified versions of the Warlords is... 

Well, this is hella twisted, and I am feeling quite anxious about the Punk Hazard kids that were taken to Vegapunk after seeing this.

(What about a Kaido Seraphim, considering he was also experimented on? Yikes.)

And Blackbeard makes his move. He’s had his eye on Boa’s fruit.

Blackbeard must have a specific reason for wanting Boa’s fruit, so I wonder what that is. Is there some unique aspect to her fruit that he wants to make use of?

Also, bounties!

And then there’s Koby and his newfound reputation.

*bangs fists on table* ROCKY PORT ROCKY PORT ROCKY PORT.

I am so excited to see this incident brought back. All we knew before was that Law was considered the mastermind, it was a big reason he became a Warlord, and Koby got a reputation as a hero.

But now Ochoku/Wang Zhi, one of the Rocks pirates, and Blackbeard are also tied to the event. EXCUSE ME?! What the hell happened? I need to know, Oda!

As if allllllll of this wasn’t enough, RAYLEIGH shows up and manages to resolve the situation with the strength of his reptuation.

And we get a big reveal about Shakky:

Former Empress of the Kuja? That... explains a lot, actually. 

Also, Boa resting her head on Rayleigh’s knee is really adorable.

Finally, Koby seems to have been taken by Blackbeard. 

Interesting that we’re not seeing Koby himself but the headline in the paper, indicating there is more to this story.

So many interesting developments in this chapter. I am fascinated and excited to see what comes next!

[rooolt]

I’m listening to boo york boo york again so here’s various extended lore for the fic I posted last night (a bit of spoilers for the fic itself)

ok so the original dads are like normal mortals who get pulled into the world of like supernatural stuff. Henry actually had witch back in his bloodline (instead of elf) and Glenn does become a demon, but there’s no weird timeline with nick stuff, Glenn just like broke a demon deal or something (idk I haven’t thought about it enough leave me alone)

so nick is a demon still, and Grant and terry stay human. Sparrow gets bit by an unknown werewolf (love wolf,,,,, you see my vision) and it’s this event that makes lark like turn on Henry bc he feels he didnt protect sparrow enough and so lark dedicates himself to hunting down the werewolf that bit his brother.

terry is bit by a vampire at some point, not turned, his blood just gets sucked.

grant and marco adopt an abandoned little zombie boy (Lincoln) but bc he’s a zombie and they’re kinda frowned upon in even the monster world they homeschool him for most of his life

terry marries Veronica and finds out that the Marlowe line is a long far back lineage of vampires and scary is constantly trying to make him think she’s gonna drink his blood (she won’t)

scary is also a really powerful witch along with being a vampire and she’s so strong that it draws the attention of willy stampler who’s also a really powerful witch (became so after Ron was born) and he becomes the first person she ever turned into a vampire. Also Scary’s full vampire and not a dhampir so she thinks her bio dad is cooler than terry bc he’s an actual vampire

my vision for link is a lot of physical comedy. Like when Grant and Marco saw him for the first time as a little zombie baby (he was bitten young) his eye fell out and he’d like constantly having to put his rotting limbs back into place

similarly to the actual podcast, Taylor doesn’t know he’s part demon until like high school where he goes through a fig faeth type puberty and the dads reconnect and decide to send their kids to school together. He never really knows nick for a while though, Cassandra’s the one who makes the decision to go to the other dads for help.

werewolf politics are similarly complicated to those of vampires and so bitten wolves are kinda frowned upon because they don’t have a well known pack name, and even though normal was born a werewolf, sparrow wasn’t so it’s kinda frowned upon. Hero goes to school with mortals, but normal isn’t good enough at controlling himself so he goes to school with monsters but still tries to be quiet about it. He’s also doesn’t really fit the werewolf stereotype and he thinks that if the other werewolves at school found out they’d mock him

Assume most undead age to a certain extent (idk why yet, I don’t have all answers, fuck off) but hermie is like full dead, he got burned to death when he was like nine years old, but ghosts don’t really have a set form anymore, so he can choose how he wants to appear and he typically chooses how he’d look nine plus however many years he’s been dead. He can look like most other things though, which is why he’s such a good actor, but he can never appear without the burn scars because that’s how he died. He hasn’t been dead long enough to be able to make himself fully corporeal but he can do certain parts of his body

[dumbkiri]

Attack on Titan Masterlist

Series and One-Shots with AOT characters

......

​🇦​​🇷​​🇲​​🇮​​🇳​ ​🇦​​🇷​​🇱​​🇪​​🇷​​🇹​

in your arms : you die in armin's arms surrounded by everyone you love. listening to the wonders of the world

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our mission: reiner tries to force annie to take marco's gear off and [name] is not having any of it. he shows everyone how crazy and scary he can get.

tell him everything: before the ceremony, annie confronts [name] and tells him that she is the female titan. in his worry for her, he tries to help her get on the right path.

​🇪​​🇷​​🇪​​🇳​ ​🇯​​🇦​​🇪​​🇬​​🇪​​🇷​

she died for the cause: [name] is killed during the expedition to capture the female titan, but before her death. she tells the truth she found out that can save them all.

🇪​​🇷​​🇼​​🇮​​🇳​ ​🇸​​🇲​​🇮​​🇹​​🇭​

their loss, our gain: the mission to retake wall maria isn't going to be an easy one for erwin smith. unknowingly, he has the help of his most trusted comrade, [name] [l.name]: the warhammer titan. (coming soon)

ah, again, please request for the one and only soft hearted jean kirschstein

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𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝕎𝔸ℝ

[Name] is a titan shifter, the wielder of the War Hammer titan. She's a true soldier and the best warrior anybody could ask for. Yet all she wants to do is protect the people in the walls.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ: ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀʟʟ

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴏ: ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀɪᴀʟ

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ: ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀɴ

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ: ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ ꜱᴀɪᴅ

another ackerman, this girl deserves some love. it's about time we give her some, please request to show mikasa a world that isn't so cruel.

our beloved scientist needs some love too. please request to continue their research on love.

guilty hero: coming soon!!

[summerblademoontime]

i have several ideas if you wanna hear em (under cut to not clog up tumblr)

oh hi you actually do wanna hear them

Idea one: Polycule except nobody BUT the polycule know their dating so the drama is finding out who the fuck is actually dating who officially and who's cheating on who with who and at one point it's just a big string board half the school is trying to document when really the simple answer is their all dating eachother

idea two: friend group turned polyamory I need no more context

idea three: polyamory except there's a ridiculous amount of people joining and getting broken off and it's. Really hard to keep track (example: Emily and James broke up but Emily is also dating Marisa who is also dating Alex who in turn is dating Charlie who in turn is dating James who is also dating Chris but Chris broke up with Alex a while back and got together with Marisa (the third time this week) and so on and forth

idea four: soulmate au the write kn arm flavour except now you plus soulmates have to battle between two arms and if it gets too crowded will resort to other parts of the body

idea five: ANGST. The polycule ain't safe

idea six: royalty au of some sort. Oh no multiple kingdoms want to merge with eachother all at once! The moon way is to pair up kingdoms two by two but NOPE there is an UNEVEN number of kingdoms and heirs so guess what POLY TIME

idea seven: yknow those adventure hero stories? Yeah that's poly now. Starts off with three lovers and they pick up partners as they go. Take them and save the world together with their love.

idea eight: POLYAMOROUS VILLAINS. Either just a poly just being evil together or their actually the heroes of the story overthrowing the government to have the peace of being poly safely

idea nine: take any, ANY romcom trope and turn it poly. 'Boy meets girl' HOW BOUT COUPLE MEETS COUPLE HOW BOUT PERSON MEETS TRIO HOW BOUT-

idea ten: you know those mundane coffee shop aus? Multiple customers/baristas fall in love with this one dude and instead of tryna fight over it they swoon over them together and try to help eachother out in whoever gets lucky, but unbeknownst to them that same person is actually panicking cuz they fell in love with all of them.

idea eleven: unrequited love thats such a mess. Make it so the dramatic irony is that certain people have crushes on certain people, say Naomi like Marco, Liam and Ophelia but Ophelia likes Marco, Petricia, River and Anne, Marco likes Naomi and River, Liam likes Ophelia, Anne and Sam, Petricia only likes River, River doesn't actually view anyone in a romantic way, Anne likes Sam and Sam likes Marco and Naomi. But here's the thing, Ophelia talks to Naomi about her love for her crushes, Naomi talks to Sam about her crushes, Sam talks to Anne about his crushes, Anne talks to Ophelia about her crushes, Marco decides to keep his mouth shut on his crushes as he sees his friends have fallen in love with eachother, Petricia writes down all her thoughts in a journal and River is wondering what the fuck is up with all their friends.

Idea twelve: Mutual pining but make it the whole friend group is in love and also in denial. Like oh shit I have feelings now but for who??? All of them??? Nah, must be some sort of platonic bro attraction haha oh shit.

idea thirteen: 'our poly started off as a joke but then it progressively got deeper and now I think I'm actually in love, what do I do'

idea fourteen: multiple parents to a child. Like the kid goes up to his friends and says he has three dads but the other kids didn't believe him so on bring-a-parent day he brought his three dads and two moms and his guardian.

Idea fifteen: poly qpr!!!

(Take these ideas and run with them please I'm begging you)

(no but seriously you can take these you don't even need to ask)

This may be controversial but I think polyamory should be in tv shows and video games. I think there’s so many unexplored dynamics for romcom relationships and we simply deserve these kinds of stories.