#he totally left out that he told kt he wanted to get back together with her days before he came to my house and kissed me

[2024skin]

For 2 years I've been wondering which one of my best friends lied to me about the events surrounding their final breakup and I just fucking realized it was that moid. Always believe women 😭

[bywhatilove]

The Friend Trap: Starring K.T and Eddie.

Hey everyone! Here’s part two to my fanfic: https://bywhatilove.tumblr.com/post/612801624347410432/the-friend-trap-starring-kt-and-eddie

I would recommend reading that part first so you aren’t confused!

It had been a week since Eddie had talked to K.T on the phone- a week since he had (involuntarily, mind you) been roped into her master plan to get Fabian and Nina to reconnect.

Yes! That was it!

That was his excuse when this all went awry and Fabian and Nina were pissed off at him. When Fabian yelled at him for betraying their “bromance” or whatever and Nina threatened to use her creepy chosen one connections with the Egyptian gods on him, that would be his excuse. This had all been K.T’s idea and she had roped him into it. He was dragged into it by his teeth and nails and forced to help her put this all together. It wasn’t a lie- not really anyway. It had all been K.T’s idea. But, if he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t totally against it. She was right, after all. Fabian and Nina were such close friends and had been through hell and back together. They deserved a better ending than a letter that Eddie had almost lost. It had been a week, and he still hadn’t even asked Fabian to go to New York with him.

Come on, Sweet, he thought to himself. You’re the Osrian, the protector of the chosen one. You’ve protected the world from ancient Egyptian gods. You can ask your best friend to go on a trip with you.

He walked into his and Fabian’s living room in their shared apartment. It had been a week since their university had breaked for summer and typical Fabian still had his head buried deep into a book. Sometimes, Eddie had wondered how in the world he had become best friends with such a dork. When he wondered that though, he always remembered it was world threatening Egyptian curses that had bonded them for life. And he also remembered that he was glad Fabian had been their with him through it all. As far as right hand mans went, he was a pretty darn good one. Eddie sat down on a chair across from Eddie. He lazily propped his head up on his hand before flashing Fabian his signature smirk.

Fabian smacked his book closed. “What do you want, Eddie?”

Eddie gasped, pretending to be fake wounded. As he placed his hand on his chest he asked, “Why do I always have to want something?”

“Because you’re Eddie,” Fabian said like it was the most obvious in the world.

“Well, just the one time,” Eddie lifted his pointer finger in the air, “you’re correct, Rutter. I was wondering, why don’t you come with me to see K.T in the states next week?”

Fabian stared at the boy and blinked a couple times. “You want me...to come to the states to see K.T....next week?”

He shook his head and lifted up his book to begin reading again. “I don’t think so bud.”

Well, this was already off to a very rocky start. Eddie knew Fabian may have some reservations about going to the U.S in a couple days. They were a couple of broke college students after all. But to dismiss the idea right away? Eddie certainly hadn’t planned on that, but who was Eddie Miller to back away from a fight.

“Ughh...” Eddie groaned. “Come on, Rutter! Don’t you want to see K.T again? Plus, you haven’t been to the states before, right? I think that it’s time I properly Americanize you.”

Eddie knew from the moment the sentence slipped off of his tongue that he had messed up. Of course Fabian hadn’t been to America. If you asked him, that was one of the reasons Nina broke up with him. He was wrong though, of course. So wrong.

“Look, man, I’m sorry. I wasn’t even thinking about...”

Fabian had a far off look in his eyes, like he was trying to conjur up some old memory. “She said that once. That she had Americanized us all already. That was when she was the only American at Anubis.”

He cast his eyes towards his shoes as a sad smile crept over his face. Times like this was when Eddie was perfectly okay with going along with K.T’s master plan. Because if that had been Patricia that had practically disappeared with only a letter left behind, he would want someone to do whatever they could to help him find her again.

“I know it’s pathetic that I still talk or even think about her.” Fabian’s voice was cold and self-deprecating. Even after two years of last seeing her, he still held her up on such a high pedalstool. But it wasn’t like Fabian was just waiting around for Nina to come running through the door and say she was sorry, he had moved on to other girls. First there was Mara, but that relationship had only lasted about a couple months when both of them realized that being lonely and knowing the digits of pie were no grounds for a relationship. There had even been a couple girls at university.

Eddie shook his head. “You’re not pathetic, Fabian. Above anything else, Nina was you’re best friend. You’re allowed to miss her.”

Eddie needed to convince Fabian to come to New York with him. What had just happened was even more proof that he needed to try and do something. Even if this blew up in his and K.T’s face, at least they had tried to help.

“Can you please come to New York with me?” Eddie wasn’t above pleading at this point, if it got the job done. “I know for a fact that K.T wants to see you again. And I can finally introduce you to the world of New York bagels and pizza- aka every man and woman’s biggest dream. Please?”

Eddie knew he was pushing this a little too hard. He knew he sounded a little pathetic, begging like this. But it had to be done. He had to get Fabian on that plane, even if it meant dragging him against his will. Eddie was stronger than Fabian. He could take him.

Fabian played with the pages in his book. He would glance up at Eddie and then glance down at his books. Again and again. Until finally, he shrugged. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go to the states with you.”

Eddie sprung up from his chair and playfully punched Fabian on his shoulder.

“You’re going to love it, Rutter!” Eddie called as he walked down his hall to his room. But as soon as he was in his room and closed the door, he leaned against the wall and let out a deep breath. There was a very good chance this entire plan could end with Fabian and Nina pissed off at Eddie.

He pulled out his phone and texted K.T: Fabian is coming. Your turn.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

K.T looked at that text Eddie had sent her last week.

Fabian is coming. Your turn.

What the hell did that mean? Okay, sure this was all her idea. But they were in this together, Eddie wasn’t turning his back on her now. If this went awry, then it was both their faults. As Nina walked up with both their coffees, K.T quickly hid her phone.

“One iced latte with cream and sugar and carmel drizzle.” Nina placed K.T’s coffee down in front of her. “I don’t know how you drink it with so much sugar. Seriously, K.T, that’s all sugar with very little coffee.”

K.T rolled her eyes. This was a conversation they have had for a year now, since they first met, really. It had been such a surprise and a weird twist of fate for the Nina Martin to be her roommate at NYU. But, at this point, K.T had learned to stop questioning the universe and go along with it. If the universe wanted Nina to be her roommate, then she was not going to argue.

“Whatever, Miss. pure black coffee,��� K.T teased back.

“Don’t be jealous you don’t have this amount of power,” Nina rolled her eyes playfully.

Both the girls broke out in a fit of laughter before K.T spoke. “So, I actually have some friends visiting tomorrow.”

Nina took a sip of her coffee before answering. She rose her eyebrows up in questioning. “Oh really, do I know them?”

What K.T wanted to say was this: Oh yeah, that’s a funny story actually! So you know how you’ve told me that you attended some boarding school in England for two years but couldn’t go back because of your sick gran? Well....that year that you didn’t go back, I actually went. I know all about sibuna and that you’re the chosen one and all that. And the two friends coming to visit? Yeah, one of them is your osirian and I’m pretty sure the other is like the love of your life or something.

What K.T actually said: “No, you haven’t meet them yet. They are some friends from high school.”

K.T hated lying to Nina about just how intertwined their pasts were. She absolutely hated it. She wanted nothing more than to tell Nina about the real reasons why she couldn’t sleep some nights. And that no matter how Nina tried to lie and say that her own nightmares were from scary movies, K.T knew what they were really about. She wanted to talk about how going to Anubis house was completely terrifying but also the best decision she ever made because it gave her a found family. A found family that Nina was technically apart of.

“That’s cool! What are their name’s?” Nina asked, always one to be curious.

Uh oh. K.T hadn’t thought this much into the lie. Her mind races trying to come up with the first two names that popped up into her head. Two very stupid names that K.T mental slapped herself for immediately.

“Edison and Fabo,” K.T answered earnestly.

Nina tried to hide her amusement but ultimately failed. She hid her laughter behind her hand, trying desperately not to be rude to K.T about her friends.

It took everything K.T had not to join her in laughing about her imaginary friend’s fake names. “Yeah, they hate their names too...” she was able to mutter under her breath.

“No, no, it’s not even that their names are that.” Nina shook her head. “It’s just...well remember my friends Eddie and Fabian from boarding school? I’ve told you about them? It’s just funny that their names are so similar.”

K.T held her tongue and nodded in agreement. Of all the names? And she picked those? How stupid can you be, K.T?

If only you knew, Nina, she thought to herself.

“Well, thanks for the brief coffee date, but I’ve got to go. Hair appointment,” Nina waved her hand around her head. “See you at the apartment tonight?”

“Yeah, of course!” K.T replied with all the enthusiasm she could muster, but her mind was far away. She watched as Nina gatherd her things and left. It wasn’t until Nina was completely out of eye sight that K.T allowed herself to unravel. She took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair. Placing her forehead in the palms of her hands, she shook her head. This was a bad idea. A bad, bad idea. Nina was going to be so mad at K.T for keeping all this from her. Their entire friendship was a lie practically, and that was all about to come crashing down tomorrow.

K.T pulled her phone out and texted Eddie: I’m starting to regret this entire thing.

It was only a minute later that she received a text back: Too late for that now Rush. It’s show time tomorrow! ;)

K.T shook her head. She was screwed. So screwed.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Endless Possibilities

Characters: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 1,636

Warnings: headache pain, implied smut at the end

Summary: When Spencer misses the last train, he turns to you for a ride back to his apartment.

Squares Filled: “Wanna bet?”

Author’s Note: This is for @fluffbingo and if you have any requests, please send them in! this is unbeta’d and every mistake is all on me.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

It was the end of the day, your favorite part. This week has been hellish, and Hotch promised everyone to take the weekend off for themselves. Penelope and JJ were talking about being with their significant others, Emily wanted to go to Vegas, Morgan was going on a small road trip, and Rossi and Hotch didn’t really give details on what they were doing, but you had a feeling you knew what it was. Hotch had a four-year-old to take care of, and Rossi probably was working on wife number five at this point.

When the week started, you promised yourself that you were going to go home, take a long bath with your favorite scent and a bottle of wine, and then stay in your pajamas the entire weekend binge-watching your favorite shows. Usually, your weekends were filled with overtime, paperwork, and listening to your teammates bicker at one another, so the thought of doing nothing all weekend sounded like Heaven.

Lastly, there was Spencer. He does the same thing he always does whenever he had some downtime: learn and read. He could never seem to stop reading because his brain was always eager to learn. And it was never the trashy novel that you believe every person should read at least once in their life; no, it was academic books that only he seemed to understand. The only part you loved about him reading those kinds of books was that he told you all about it the next day. Granted, you never knew what he was talking about, but it made him so happy to share what he learned.

That’s all you ever wanted Spencer to have: happiness. He rarely sees it, so whenever he finds it, you vowed to never be the person to take that from him. He was cautious, always did things by the book, and rarely ventured out to do something new and exciting. Maybe that’s why you two gravitated towards each other because you were the exact opposite of him. Adventure and thrill are what fueled you. It’s why you were so good at your job because you genuinely loved what you did despite seeing the horrors of reality.

Spencer envied that part of you. He loved to hear stories of when you went skydiving, hiking through the Grand Canyon, cliff jumping, and so much more. You were seeing the world in its true beauty, and he was kind of jealous. It took a lot out of him to even do the job he has because it was hard for him to come out of his shell. He kept to himself and didn’t like other people touching him except for the team. It amazed you why he would continue to take the subway when it was always crowded, but you let him be. Everyone else drove to work, but he opted to take public transportation. He explained why once, but you’ve forgotten the reason.

It was turning into a late one on Friday and everyone else had already left the office except for you and Spencer. You two must have had the same thoughts because you decided to get all your paperwork done before going home so you didn’t have to do it on Monday morning. It was nearing midnight when you finished your last file. Looking over your desk to Spencer’s which was right across from you, he was also finishing his last file which meant he was just about ready to go home.

Taking a moment, you leaned back in your chair to get a good look at him. Your desk was a good vantage point to really stare at him without him noticing. He could easily look up and see you being creepy, but he was always invested in his work so it didn’t give him time to look up. The view you were at gave you access to his strong jaw as he flexed it in frustration. His tongue ran over his lips for the tenth time that hour which is another thing you couldn’t stand about the man. He drove you crazy whenever he would lick those damn lips right in front of you. He must know what he’s doing, and if he did, then he didn’t seem to care how it affected you.

“You done?” you asked.

“Yeah, I am. Are you?” he asked, flipping his file shut.

“Finished about five minutes ago.”

“And you were just sitting there?”

“I had a pretty good view,” you winked, causing a blush to creep onto his cheeks.

“What are you doing this weekend?” he asked as he got up and gathered his things into his messenger bag.

“Binge-watching Game of Thrones after I take a long bath to soothe my muscles. What about you?”

“I wanted to get in about twenty books before Monday. I have a list of some I want to read.”

“You know, that will never not amaze me,” you chuckled as the two of you walked to the elevator.

“What will?” he asked when the doors closed behind him.

“How fast your brain can process words. What I wouldn’t give to read that many books in such a short time,” you giggled. Spencer managed to smile, but it was lost when he looked at his watch.

“Shit,” he sighed.

“What is it?” you asked as the doors opened to the parking garage where your motorcycle was.

“The train I usually take isn’t in service right now. I remember they made an announcement saying that the last train left two hours ago. The busses are all down too. I guess I’ll have to walk home.”

“No, you’re not. I can give you a ride. It’s on the way,” you smiled, grabbing the helmet you left on one of the handlebars.

“On that thing?” Spencer gulped.

“What, you scared?” you chuckled.

“You don’t have two helmets. It wouldn’t be safe.”

“You think I would leave the house without two helmets? Here,” you tossed him the one you were holding before reaching into the compartment on the back of the motorcycle and pulling out another helmet, “you can use that one.”

“A total of 5,286 motorcyclists died in crashes in 2016. 41% of fatally injured motorcycle drivers were not wearing helmets,” Spencer spits out the facts as if he just happened to know it.

“Luckily for you, you have a helmet.”

“But--”

“Reid, do you need elbow pads and knee pads too?” you teased him. “I have some if you really want them. Come on, would I ever put you in danger? You’re not going to die or get hurt.”

“Okay,” he whispered, sliding on the helmet. Grinning, you put your own on before starting up the bike. Getting on, you waited until Spencer was behind you before taking off. Almost immediately, he grabbed your waist and held tight, scared of falling off it.

“You’ll be fine, Spencer. Nothing is going to happen to you. Why ruin such a pretty face?” you teased him once more. The cars were nothing as you whizzed by them, but the lights were so pretty at this time of night. Spencer got scared whenever you would change lanes without really looking over your shoulder to check to see if it was safe. He knew you knew what you were doing, but it was still scary to him.

Approaching a traffic light, you were still at a far enough distance that if the light turned yellow, the proper thing to do was to slow down. Just your luck, the light turned yellow… but you weren't slowing down.

“You’re not going to make it. Y/N, slow down!” Spencer urged.

“Wanna bet?” you grinned, cranking the gas up. Spencer pulled you into his body tighter, but you had to ignore it if you wanted to make this light and not cause any accidents. The light turned red just as you entered the intersection, and Spencer watched as you fled from the would-be scene.

“You’re insane!” Spencer yelled. Approaching his apartment building, you slowed down to a stop right in front of it. Spencer didn’t let go of you just yet because his mind was still processing what just happened and what could have happened if you were a tad too slow.

“Spencer, you can let go now,” you chuckled.

“I don’t think I can,” he whispered. Grinning, you grabbed his hands from the front and unfolded them so that you were set free. His arms felt nice around you, but he probably didn’t want to be with you for much longer. He had twenty books to get through this weekend, and you’d only serve as a distraction. Both of you got off the bike, and he took off his helmet and returned it to you. Placing it in the compartment, you turned to him with your helmet squished between your arm and your right hip.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” you laughed.

“I am never riding on that thing again,” he shook his head.

“Well, have a good night,” you smiled, going to place your helmet on again when he spoke. He didn’t want you to go because despite being scared, he actually had fun. He loved the kind of person you were, and if he let you walk away now, then he would never forgive himself.

“Actually, I don’t think I should be alone. I’m still too scared, and I think some company would be best for me right now. Would you like to come in and have some coffee?”

You knew he was bullshitting you right now, but the fact that he would make up an excuse to get you to stay made your heart sing with the thought of endless possibilities.

“I’d like that,” you grinned.

Your bath and binge-watching could wait another weekend.

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[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ Push Your Limit (Initial D) Act 2

📑 Table of Contents | ◂ Previous

Author’s Note: This is the author’s note I posted once upon a time when I posted this on Quizilla lol This chapter also has some terminology at the end.

“And here’s ACT 2~ What did you think? Did the end leave you drooling for more? Did it leave you on the edge of your seat? With that, I bid you goodnight (or day), ‘Zilla~”

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

Bring. Bring.

“Hello? Fujiwara Tofu Shop.” Pause. “Hey, Tak! You plannin’ to sleep all day? Wake up! Phone’s for you!” Bunta called from downstairs.

You yawned as you sat at the table in the living room in front of the TV. Once you and Tak had come back from making the tofu deliveries, you hadn’t been able to go back to sleep, so you just decided to just stay up.

“Tell Iggy I’ll call back!” Tak called from upstairs.

“I’d pick up the phone, Tak,” Bunta responded. You looked over at him curiously, but you were too tired to ask who it was.

Tak pulled himself out of bed with a yawn and down the stairs, picking up the phone that his dad had left on hold. “Hey, Iggy. What’s goin’ on?” seconds later, his eyes widened slightly, a look of surprise on his face. Apparently, it wasn’t Iggy.

With a shrug, you laid your head down on the wooden table, a yawn passing your lips as your eyes fluttered closed.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

“What?! All this time Tak has an Eight-Six at his place?! Is this some kind of joke, Cole?” Iggy clung to Cole’s arm, face twisted in disbelief. Tak was standing off to the side, bored, as he waited for another customer to show up at the gas station where the three worked.

You were there, as well, sitting just inside the building, drinking a soda. You didn’t actually work there, but you tended to stop by and help out when you had nothing better to do.

“Nope. No joke.”

“Tak, you bonehead!” Iggy punched Tak’s cheek, just hard enough for him to feel it. “Why did you keep this secret from me?”

“I didn’t keep it a secret,” Tak let his hand cover the cheek that had just been hit by his overexcited monkey of a friend, “I didn’t even know what it was. It says Trueno on it, I figured it was a Trueno, you say it’s an eight-six, I just read the label.”

You grinned at how annoyed Iggy was getting, how smug Cole looked, and how clueless Tak seemed.

“Why you – I oughta…” Iggy clenched his fists in front of him, teeth clenched in annoyance.

Tak held his fists up as well until Iggy moved to stand behind him, one hand cupping his mouth while the other held onto Tak’s shoulder. “Listen, old buddy, I was thinking you could do us a favor. Ask your pops if you can bag the eight-six for a bit next Saturday night.”

“What for?”

Iggy turned slightly blue, “Are you an idiot?! So we can go watch the SpeedStars and the RedSuns battle it out on Akina! That’s what for. After we watched all that go down last night, I am so stoked on street racing.”

Cole, who was listening in, nodded in the background, happy that Iggy was taking such a liking to street racing.

“Come on~ Don’t you want to watch Akagi’s fastest drivers, the Takahashi brothers?”

Tak looked at you, pulling a face. “No, not really.”

Next thing, Iggy had a hold on Tak’s throat, choking him, “What?! You loser! How can you say that!? You know how clutch this is to me?!” He released his grip, and Tak breathed in much-needed air as his best friend got on his knees, hands held together as if he was praying, “Alright, I’m begging. Let me ride in your eight-xix on Saturday night. Please~?”

“Hey, Iggy. You can propose marriage later. There’s a customer waiting.” The boss appeared, a slightly annoyed look on his face. You nearly spit out your soda from laughter.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Iggy murmured.

“Can we help you?” The pair chorused to the customer who had just pulled up. Boss let a smile come to his face at the pair, and you felt yourself doing the same. No matter how annoying they may be, it was impossible to hate them.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

“Wow. That’s the drift king. Check it out, he’s amazing!” Iggy and Cole were sitting inside the gas station during their brake, watching the drift king on TV. Both of them were only about a foot away from the TV screen, eyes glued to the king of drift. Tak was sitting farther away, reading a magazine. You were sitting on the same couch as Cole, close to Tak. You were listening to what was said but your eyes were closed, covered by your hat.

“Looks like he can control it with just the gas pedal,” Cole said in amazement.

“Hey, Tak. Don’t you wish we could go out there right now and drift just as easy as the drift king does?”

“Sure,” he answered absentmindedly.

“Check out this guy’s technique! Way cool!”

“Sure.”

“Huh?” Iggy turned around to look at Tak, annoyed. “You listening to me?”

“Sure,” he paused before looking up, blinking dumbly. “Huh?”

“You don’t got a clue what we’re talking about. I’ll bet you don’t even know what a drift is.”

“O-Of course I know what a drift is.”

Cole turned to look at him, as well. Iggy crossed his arms over his chest, “Alright, Mr. Expert, ‘splain it to me. I’m all ears.”

The boss had also entered the room and stood behind the chair that Tak sat in, taking a drag from the cigarette he held in his hand. He was looking on with a hint of amusement.

“Uhh… well… see, in a curve – ” Tak started.

“Don’t use the word ‘curve’, it’s uncool. Street racers just say corner.” Iggy corrected.

“Oh… yeah, okay then. In a corner, all you have to do is make the front tires slide along,” he held his hands up like he was turning the steering wheel. “So that the car doesn’t face the inside.”

“Heh?” Iggy and Cole looked at each other before clutching their sides with laughter. “Tak, that’s hysterical! If the front tires are sliding, that’s called understeer, which is totally wack! It’s for people with zero skillage!”

“Skillage?” you parroted with a scoff. “but Tak is the uncool one.”

Iggy scowled, sticking his tongue out at you.

“A real racer knows that a true drift isn’t in the front, bro, it’s in the rear,” Cole told him, eyes wet from laughing so hard. “That was pretty funny, Tak.”

“Yeah, you should do stand up comedy.”

Boss shook his head. “Alright, let’s get to work! We got a customer!”

“Oh, right!” Tak stood up, heading outside to greet the customer, “Welcome!” he bowed, “Right this way!”

Cole put his hat back on, following after Tak. He was shocked to see the yellow FD pull up. You had followed them out and, upon seeing the car, stood behind them, observing. Tak walked over to the driver’s side, where the blonde had rolled down the window.

“High octane. And fill it up.”

“Right,” While the gas was being automatically pumped into the car, Cole and Tak took to washing the windows of the yellow FD.

“You’ve got quite the ride there.” Cole suddenly said, gaining the attention of the blonde, who seemed to be deep in thought until he spoke.

“Huh?” his eyes shifted towards the open window, where Cole stood; he was washing the front windshield. The blonde’s eyes shifted to Cole’s S13 that sat off to the side. “I get it. I thought I’d seen that S13 somewhere before. The SpeedStars, am I right?” his finger tapped against the gear shift, “Let me ask you a question. I figure if anyone knows the answer, you should.”

Cole looked over, cautious about what the blonde would ask. Your curiosity was heightened, as well, as you moved closer to Tak, listening intently to what he said.

“Is there a ghost racer on Mt. Akina? A ghost who drives a super fast eight-six?”

Your eyes narrowed at him through the back windshield. If he was asking about the eight-six, then that meant he was gonna try and go after Tak.

“That’s weird. This guy plannin’ to fly?” Tak muttered under his breath, inspecting the wing on the back of the blonde’s FD. He hadn’t heard a word that KT had uttered.

“Sorry, dude, but I don’t know anything about ghosts around here,” Cole responded as he folded the rag he had used on the windows.

“Hmm. Okay, the part about the ghost was a joke, but there’s a black and white panda Trueno. On the outside, it’s a normal eight-six, but on the inside, this thing’s an incredible beast. You live around here, you can’t tell me you never heard of it!”

Cole remained silent.

You scowled. What was it about this blonde that pissed you off so bad? His cocky attitude? His money? His tone? Or maybe it was more simple than that. Maybe it was just because he was one of the famous Takahashi brothers.

“Alright then. If that’s the secret weapon you’re planning for this Saturday’s meet, that’s cool with me. Tell the driver of the eight-six I’ve got a message for him: I’ve never lost to the same driver two times in a row.”

“Huh?” Cole was shocked.

You smirked, glancing at Tak who remained oblivious.

“I only dropped this last time because I didn’t know the course.” he continued.

“Didn’t know the course, my fucking ass.” You scoffed, not caring that the blonde had heard you.

He glared at you before continuing. “It won’t happen again, he’s going down.” With that, the blonde took off, his tires screeching.

‘He’s already taken out one of the famous Takahashi brothers. That’s my Tak~’ you smiled proudly.

“Thanks for coming!” Tak bowed as the FD took off down the street.

Suddenly, Cole’s eyes widened as he turned around to look at Tak who looked at him confused.

You threw your arm around Tak’s shoulders, steering him back toward the station. ‘Looks like he finally figured it out.’

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

The sound of Tak’s alarm clock beeping managed to wake up both Tak and yourself, despite you sleeping in the room next door. The clock read four-forty-five in the morning.

After washing your faces, both of you headed outside where Bunta was waiting. Tak got into the driver’s seat, starting up the car. You hopped into the passenger seat, letting a yawn slip past your lips. He revved up the car, turning the foglights on while Bunta grabbed a paper cup, using the water hose to fill it with water. He dumped a small amount out before heading to the driver’s side, handing the cup to Tak.

“Alright. This is the haul for today.”

“Hmm?” Tak stared at the water for a minute before looking at his father, a look of annoyance crossing his face. “You fill it a little higher every time.”

“That’s right. Just don’t spill any.”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it.” Tak set the cup in the cup holder before taking off. He tackled the uphill, speed gradually increasing. As he came to the corner, he hit the brakes, shifting gears as he began to drift. His eyes moved to the water in the cup that rolled around the rim.

You smirked, pulling the hat down over your eyes. You loved it when Tak was driving because it gave you a chance to rest before you got to the hotel. As he exited the turn, the water returned to normal and his eyes returned to the road. The same happened with each turn until you both arrived at the hotel.

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“Eh? Tak! Hey, where’d ya go?!” He took off in search of his best friend, who was climbing the stairs inside the school building.

“Hey, hold up!” he hopped up to the same step Tak was on. You appeared behind them, having just turned the corner to go up the stairs. “What’s the matter with you? I know you’re a little jealous of my talent, but you don’t have to up and ditch me.”

“I’m not…”

Both of their attention trailed off as two girls came walking down the steps. From their current position, they were low enough on the stairs to get a panty shot just as the girls walked down from the top of the stairs. Being the hormonal teenagers that they were, the pair watched in amazement, as if that was the most amazing thing they had ever seen. You could see small lines of pink across Tak’s cheeks.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance at the perversion of the pair.

“You see that?” Iggy began, as the two girls disappeared around the corner.

“You some kind of a pervert or somethin’?” Tak asked, looking at Iggy.

“Huh? Of course not! What do you think I am, it should be against the law to let babes wear their skirts that short?”

You sweatdropped, “You were just doing the same thing, Tak.”

“I was not,” he muttered, looking away.

“I think the school should make a new rule that – ” he stopped mid-sentence, hitting Tak’s shoulder with his own. Both boys looked up with predatory eyes at the girl that stood at the top of the stairs. When she stopped walking, both boys looked up to see who it actually was.

“Hi, Tak, how’s it goin’?” Natalie waved her hand, a smile on her face.

“Uhhh… Natalie!” Both boys leaned back slightly, surprised to see her.

“Oh, perfect timing! I want to talk to you, come on, Tak, hurry!” She grabbed Tak’s wrist and pulled him away.

“Uhh, well, hey, I was just – !”

“That blows! Why doesn’t that kind of thing ever happen to me?!” Iggy complained.

You deadpanned at him. “Because you’re an obnoxious pervert.”

“Hey, that’s rude, Y/N!”

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“Hello? Anyone here?” Cole stepped inside the Fujiwara Tofu shop. “‘Scuse me? Anyone?”

Hearing the familiar voice, you stopped at the stairs. “Oi, Bunta! Customer,”

“Yeah, I heard ya. Gimme a minute.” Bunta responded from upstairs.

You stepped through the doorway, leaning against the wall. “‘Sup, Cole?”

“Hey, Y/N. What are you doing here?”

“I live here, fool.”

“You do?” His brow furrowed. “Are you and Tak -”

“What can I get ya?” Bunta questioned, walking in to stand a few feet in front of Cole, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips, as it usually did.

Cole didn’t answer, looking Bunta up and down.

We exchanged a look before Bunta spoke up again. “What’re you gonna have? Hello?”

“Uhh, uhh, uhh..” Cole scanned over the items quickly before pointing to one at random. “Fried tofu, please.”

“You got it.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen. I uhh… My name is Cole and I’m with a street racing team called the Akina SpeedStars. I… The truth is, I heard a rumor that the fastest downhill driver on Akina is an eight-six driven by a guy who owns a tofu shop.”

“I don’t know where you heard that story, but it’s not me. ‘Fraid I can’t help ya.”

“Look, this is really important. I scoped out the whole city and I know this is the only tofu shop around with an eight-six.”

“That’s some dedication, bud.” You commented.

“Here ya go,” Bunta held out the bag of fried tofu. “Buck twenty-five.”

“Uhh, oh yeah.” Cole reached into his pocket, taking out the money.

“Bye, bye.” Bunta waved him off, turning to go back into the store, but Cole wasn’t having it.

“Look, the thing is… I’m in a bit of a jam. Come on, man! Won’t you at least hear me out?”

“I’m a little busy right now.”

“What are you talking about? I’m the only one in the joint, It’s dead in here!”

“That’s fucking rude,” you scowled, narrowing your eyes at him.

Bunta stepped back, knowing that Cole had a point. He regained his composure a few seconds later. “I admit it’s a little slow, but the kid’s right, that’s pretty rude.”

“Not a kid, old man.”

“Sorry, it’s just that I’m a little desperate.” Cole rubbed the back of his head, “Okay, listen. A team called the Akagi RedSuns challenged us to a time attack battle. The RedSuns have some drivers on their team with some serious skills. Nobody on our team can even come close to competing with them but this is our turf, our mountain, and there’s no way we’re gonna lose on it!” His fists clenched at his sides in determination.

“Your mountain?” You scoffed. “You write your name on it in sharpie or somethin’?”

“That’s something a kid would say,” Bunta sent you a look before turning back to Cole.”Okay, but what do you expect me to do about it?”

“Mr. Fujiwara, I want you to show me what it takes to tackle Mt. Akina.”

Bunta lit the cigarette that was in his mouth, exhaling smoke before speaking. “I’m sorry, but that’s impossible.”

“Anything you could show me! Even if you could make me a tenth of a second faster. I’m begging you!”

“I know how you’re feeling, son, but driving technique is not something you study for a day or two like a math test. In order to get the car to do what you want, you have to live and breathe the course twenty-four-seven. You know, when I was actively racing I was running Akina even in my dreams. Technique is something that can be neither taught nor learned. You have to find it inside yourself.”

“Huh, the old man actually said something kinda cool.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Cole sighed.

“Sorry about that. I wish I could help ya out.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’ll be back.” Cole promised before getting into his S13 and taking off.

You and Bunta exchanged a look.

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* Terminology:

Camshaft SOHC vs DOHC

The camshaft is a metal shaft with lobes on it that actuates intake and exhaust valves.

Single refers to engines that have one camshaft per cylinder head (AE85 Levin).

Double refers to engines that have two camshafts per cylinder head (AE86 Trueno).

Overhead refers to the placement of the camshaft in the engine block. Overhead cam engines have the camshafts situated above the valves while many older pushrod engines have the camshafts placed below the valves.

Single Overhead Cam (S0HC) engines only have one camshaft per cylinder head that is responsible for actuating the intake and exhaust valves. Most camshafts can only operate a total of two valves per cylinder limiting the amount of intake and exhaust gases the engine can take in and expel, thereby limiting the power the engine can make. The AE85 has a SOHC 4-cylinder engine with a total of 8 valves.

Dual Overhead Cam (DOHC) engines have two camshafts per cylinder head. One cam operates the action of the intake valves while the other operates the exhaust valves. This allows for a total of 2 intake and exhaust valves per cylinder, allowing for a higher intake and exhaust flow resulting in a higher power engine. The AE86 has a DOHC 4-cylinder engine with a total of 16 valves.

Standard Differential

A standard differential will allow both drive wheels to spin at the same speed on straightaways. However, during cornering, the outside drive wheel will spin faster than the wheel on the inside, allowing for an uneven transfer of power to the wheel.

L.S.D. – Limited Slip Differential

A mechanism that allows both drive wheels to spin at the same speed during straightaways and more importantly, during cornering. An internal clutch mechanism forces both wheels to spin at the same speed during cornering allowing for an even power transfer to both drive wheels. This has the side effect of making it easier to get a car to go into oversteer – a key component of drifting.

Muffler – A device attached to the exhaust pipe meant to reduce engine noise by using specially designed internal baffles and resonators. Most stock mufflers put performance considerations aside, in the interest of reducing noise. While smaller engines do not need a certain amount of backpressure to operate properly, most stock mufflers create too much back pressure and therefore reduce the performance capability of the engine. Aftermarket mufflers reduce the amount of backpressure on the engine and as a result, allow more noise to escape.

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[rkharuto]

watanabe haruto’s KT private audition dancing to 2018 girl group chorus medley (0:35-0:51, 1:26-1:53, 2:09-2:41, 4:11-4:26) peek-a-boo, bad boy, bboom bboom, starry night, ddu-du ddu-du

what the hell was he doing?

tw: anxiety

a bit of a rhetorical question, he did know what he was doing. but why was he putting himself through this? haruto wasn’t a performer, not unless he had a pair of skates strapped to his feet, then sure, he would skate and perform his heart out. but this was a completely different ball game, this was an entertainment company which produced idols. singing and rapping and dancing idols which were adored the world over. and here he was auditioning for that very same company like he thought he ever had a chance of being an idol. or even a trainee. 

he was just kidding himself, he wasn’t cut out for this sort of thing. he was still just a kid not even old enough for high school yet. not to mention the almost crippling stage fright and the unwillingness to learn korean properly and the undying need to get back on a plane and fly all the way back to japan. so, really, this whole thing was just an incredibly bad idea and he shouldn’t have ever bothered to call and schedule an audition. and, technically, he hadn’t. it was his mother, more or less going behind his back and sorting everything out for him because she knew her son would never grow the balls to do it himself. 

haruto had been freaking out about it since the moment he had been handed that business card. because it was just crazy, wasn’t it? no one should have ever taken an interest in him in the first place. and no doubt even showing up to the audition would prove that. they would take one look at him standing there shaking like a leaf and decide ‘oh no, sorry, we made a mistake’. and haruto couldn’t blame them for that, because he would do the same thing. 

of course, hohyeon had been told first out of his friends, and haruto was quite surprised to hear support from the boy. since his own denial from sphere, haruto would have thought his older friend would still be bitter about it. and part of haru did know that it was most likely fake empathy and he hadn’t really meant it when he had congratulated him. but in true hohyeon fashion, the boy had taken to trying to get haruto out of his nervous shell and had incredibly helped when it came to working out what he was going to do. a part of haruto knew that the older boy was probably just living through him, but haru was alright with that. so long as hohyeon was there that was simply good enough and he didn’t need to do any more than that. 

they had worked hard when it came to picking what he was going to do to impress for ninety seconds. almost instantly singing and rapping had both been ruled out. not because he wasn’t a confident singer or rapper, but simply because, at the time, he would probably be too nervous to even say anything longer than a couple of words long. which left dancing. then came the task of listening through songs, watching choreography videos and making a list of what he might like to dance to. but, the real problem was realizing that he was completely indecisive and couldn’t pick just one song even if it came and slapped him around the face. 

which was when hohyeon came up with the idea, “hey, why don’t you do a medley?”

that idea had been thrown around for a little while longer, but, in the end, it had sort of stuck. which now meant haruto was stuck learning five different choreography at once to full up the whole time slot he had been given. in the end he had decided just to stick to choruses, they worked better together than mixing and mashing any other parts of the song. and, funnily enough, he ended up only doing girl group songs. not really what he had been planning on doing when he had first sat down to work through this, but he supposed it would work for him. he could do girl group songs just as confidently as he could do boy group ones. 

hohyeon continued to be there every step of the way, acting as a separate pair of eyes, watching him dance and picking up on his mistakes. so, it was a good thing that the boy wasn’t afraid to say when haruto was doing something wrong and that he needed to change something. and while haruto was constantly struggling, talking himself and his dancing skill down, hyeon was right there to try and bring him up again. and, for that, haruto was incredibly thankful towards the boy. 

and his mother was more than happy to lend her own opinion, pulling him to the side the night before his audition and asking to see what he had come up with. and it was that proud look in her eye which reminded him why he was really doing all of this and working so hard. she had always been there for him, even after his father had died she hadn’t broken, had always tried to look positive for him and promise that nothing was going to hurt him, kissing his forehead every night and singing him off to sleep. while he didn’t have any great desires to be an idol, he wanted to make his mother smile, make her proud of him and proud to announce that he was her son. so, he would continue to work, continue to push himself and really try and get through this audition in one piece without flaking. 

while he had gone to bed at a decent time, haruto had spent the whole night simply tossing and turning. he couldn’t really do this. he was going to end up embarrassing himself. he was going to be in such a state that they would simply turn him away at the door. every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the laughter which would no doubt erupt when he froze on the spot and couldn’t even speak. it was like it was a video stuck on repeat in his head, so vivid that he could see it even when he opened his eyes. 

when the sun started to rise he felt the panic really starting to seep through him. he almost felt like he couldn’t breathe, a cold sweat on his brow, hands shaking no matter how much he tried to make them stop. somehow he was more nervous than he had been for the mgas. maybe it was because he knew he was alone, that he couldn’t hide behind hohyeon. that he would only have to do one performance to get a contract instead of multiple of them. and while there was no live audience to be worrying about for a private audition, somehow, that was far more nerve-wracking than the knowledge he would be performing on a big stage. 

when his alarm finally went off, in total, haruto had only really managed to get about one hour maximum of sleep. he could barely find it in himself to pull himself out of bed, it was only when he checked his phone and saw a couple of messages from his friends, hohyeon included, cheering him on and wishing him luck for that morning did he decide he wasn’t going to back down now. not now he had put all that effort into learning the choreography and wasting hohyeon’s time in helping him practice (even though the boy had been quite adamant that he was happy to help). 

he spent even longer in the bathroom, constantly splashing water on his face, trying to control his breathing as he stared at what a state he was in the bathroom mirror. gods he was a mess, he really wouldn’t be surprised if they turned him away simply because of how awful he currently looked. but no, he was going to do this, he was going to go there and put on the best performance he could manage. and if he didn’t get signed, then he was fine with that, it was probably for the best. but if they liked what they saw? well, that depended on how much of a mess he was once they had finally arrived. 

by the time he finally slunk into the passenger's seat of his mother’s car he was back to being a shaking mess. all he could really do was stare out of the window as his mother drove him to the company building, his headphones planted deep in his ears and full concentration on the music. it was helping to distract him, helping him not think about every little thing which could go wrong if he started panicking too much. no, he was going to be completely fine, it wasn’t that big of a deal. it wasn’t was it? it was not like this one audition was going to define his whole future or anything, right? 

the teenager was more or less thrown out of his head when the car suddenly pulled up. he hadn’t even noticed, blinking wildly as his mother had to pat him on the arm to try and get his attention. haruto swallowed uncomfortably, hands starting to shake again as he tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down as much as possible. but he could barely keep himself together as he climbed out of the car, just standing there staring up at the building in front of him as he felt tears sting the corners of his eyes. he was about to turn around, to claim that he had changed his mind, to ask his mum to drive him home again to wallow in his own self-pity and shame. but something stopped him just as he was about to turn, digging his nails into his palms as he clenched his fists. 

no, he was going to do this and make his mother proud. but he wasn’t going to do it just for her, he was going to do it for himself, just to prove that he could. 

with his head held high, sucking in one last lungful of breath, haruto marched towards the building without even looking back. as he approached the door he finally pulled his headphones from his ears, tucking them into his pocket for safekeeping as he shouldered open the door. while he knew he could still turn and make a run for it if he really wanted, that would just be embarrassing now that there were people who could see him. so, he wasn’t going to do that, keeping his head held high as he moved towards the front desk to announce himself. 

the wait to be called for his audition was honestly the worst wait of his life. he couldn’t sit still and just wait like a normal person. no, he was constantly fidgeting around, wringing his hands, swinging his legs, eyes darting from side to side at every sudden noise and movement. at least he was holding himself together better than he thought he would. a couple of days ago he was certain that at this point he would be nothing but a shaking mess and his heart was simply going to give out from all the nerves. and while it was partly true and he couldn’t stop himself from shaking, he was somehow managing to hold it together. 

but, no saying how long that was going to last for. 

eventually, he was called and haruto practically jumped up from his seat from surprise. but he didn’t quite know why he was surprised, he shouldn’t have been expecting just to be stuck in that seat waiting for the rest of his life. but he did take a moment to compose himself. “calm. confident. you have this.” it was only softly muttered under his breath, a simple promise to himself. and then, with his eyes locked on the door, he walked forwards, entering the room as confidently as he could manage. which was actually not very confident at all, but he liked to pretend he was sure he was going to get through this and not have a mental breakdown in the middle of his audition. 

he really did try to press down the nerves as he stood there, hands flat on his stomach and eyes locked forward. if he looked literally anywhere else in the room he was pretty confident that he was about to completely lose it and start freaking out. and that was the last thing he wanted, trying his best smile as he bowed forward a full ninety degrees. his introduction had been practiced as much as his performance had, making sure that he knew exactly what he was going to say. it was one of his many flaws that if he didn’t have a script to follow that he was just going to forget all knowledge of the korean language and just stand there completely dumbstruck. and that really was not a very good look for anyone trying to impress people as important as this. 

“hello,” he greeted them first in his native tongue as he stood up form his bow, feeling just a little calmer about speaking japanese than he did in korean. though he knew he couldn’t do this whole thing in japanese, breathing in as he switched over to korean again, “hello, my name is watanabe haruto and thank you very much for this opportunity.” 

he was actually slightly amazed he had managed to get through that without fumbling over the language or getting all confused about something. haruto just really hoped they didn’t start asking him any questions because he had not prepared for questions and would no doubt end up looking like a right fool with no idea what anyone was saying. sure, that might be a natural state for him when he refused to learn the language properly, but he would rather they not know about that part of him. 

“today i am going to be dancing to a girl group medley for you,” though he did feel rather stupid once he had actually admitted that out loud. why had he decided to go with girl groups again? last time he checked, he wasn’t a girl. he probably should have just stuck with doing boy groups, stay in his comfort zone instead of pushing out and trying something different. because simply put, he was not a boy who did very well in trying different things and was more than happy to stay in his cocoon of safety. but he didn’t suppose for a moment he would be able to dredge through his own mind for a different performance on the fly, so he supposed he was just going to have to live with his decision. though he was quite sure he would end up regretting it later on. 

“please, watch me well,” it was the last thing he had planned to say, bowing forward one more time before mentally preparing himself for what was going to come next. there was nothing else he could say, nothing else he could do to put this off for any longer. though he would die for a confident pep talk right about now, there was no one else in the room. it was just him and he was going to have to get over it and face the music. 

peak-a-boo was the first song to start playing and instantly haruto found himself dancing along with the music. he started with the arm and leg movement, turning to the side as he moved his hands upwards in front of his body. and he did have to admit, while he was still a little unsure about dancing to girl groups, he could admit that they were fun to dance to. and he supposed it showed he was not afraid of doing girl group songs. not that he supposed for a second anyone had any intentions of throwing him into a girl group, but he had watched tv, he knew male idols like to show off sometimes and dance to girl group songs. he supposed he was just preparing himself for that. 

peek-peek-a-peek-a-boo

god he was getting ahead of himself there, already thinking that far into the future? no, he needed to pull himself back to the current moment and stop thinking about what might happen after this. all of his energy was going to go into the next couple of seconds of his life. then he could worry about the future and how he was going to manage to get over his embarrassment about what he was actually doing. 

so, he threw his concentration back into what his body was doing, full focus as the song changed into another song from the same group. bad boy, something a little slower, and little sexier this time as he focused quite a bit of his hip action. maybe a bit inappropriate for a boy of his age, and of his gender, but if he was going to do this he was going to damn well do it properly and not half-ass something simply because he was embarrassed about it. and don’t get him wrong, he was incredibly embarrassed about his song selection and what he was currently doing. so, he tried to act like he was having some fun, mouthing along to the words somewhat as he walked backward, moving his shoulders with a small smirk on his face

ooh ooh (oh-eh-oh-eh-oh)

yeah while he was still trying very hard not to have a complete freak out session in the middle of this, he was having fun with it. even as he stood with his legs shoulder-width apart, legs bent as it was back to the hip action, hands starting crossed in front of him before they started to move up as he kept the continue action with his hips. at least his hips were loose and he could do this kind of thing, and it did take an awful lot of control to keep it in time and try to act a little sexy as well without going too red in the face about it. good thing, he supposed, that he did have an awful lot of control of his body thanks to his skating. but if his father could see what he was doing with that control now, he probably wouldn’t approve very much. 

지금부터 bad boy down

he was almost in the perfect position to move straight into the next song. actually mixing it up with some different artists this time. but he really was starting to appreciate how much hip action girl groups actually had in their routines. and he supposed it made sense why. that was going to draw all the male fans in. so, it did feel ever so slightly awkward that he was swaying them so much himself, but at least this was a fun song and one he was sure many people could rather effortlessly dance along to if they wanted to. it was not very hard, and because he didn’t have to think about it so much, he was going to let himself have some fun with this one. 

using all the boyish charm of a nervous fifteen year old, he smiled easily as he hips moved from side to side, one hand still out in front of him as the other rose to his ear like he was trying to hold a headphone in. and then waved his hands upwards in a snake sort of action before moving, crossing one leg over the other as he barely touched his own shoulders with his hands.

쏟아지는 My 터터터터터터 터치

then it was back to the same action as before in time with the music, but this time, instead of moving a hand to his ear, the same hand rose up with a small finger heart. and he decided that he was really going to sell this performance, winking as he did it before moving into the slightly more energetic roof pumping choreography. but that was only for a moment before he went right into the motions for the next chorus which started playing. 

별이 빛나는 밤

hands crossed above his head and moving them in a half-circle above his head, keeping them crossed as he danced, moving slightly sideways and, once again, it went back to using his hips. maybe he should have picked some different songs, once which didn’t use so much hip and actually showcased something different. though, he supposed he was still showing off his dancing skill and that, apparently, he was good with moving his hips around. maybe not the image these people thought they were going to get from him, but it was still better than him standing there completely terrified with no idea what he supposed to be doing. 

별이 빛나는 밤 

so far this was actually going quite well, he hadn’t managed to put a foot wrong and would even go as far as saying he was enjoying himself. but it was a bit of a challenge to keep with different personas of each song, but he supposed it was showing that he was versatile when he wanted to be and could fit different concepts. something he was sure they would appreciate, but, again, that was getting ahead of himself again. he just tried to keep himself centered and completely focused on the choreography he was performing, making sure not to keep a foot wrong as he kept his body loose and trying to keep his moves precise and perfectly executed.

and it was moments like this which reminded him that he did actually like performing and dancing. for a long time, he thought he would only ever enjoy skating. he hated having to be enrolled in dance and performance lessons at first, but after a while, he realized he had come to enjoy each lesson and was actually looking forward to the next one. it was certainly a bit of a surprise, and while nothing would ever overtake his pure love and joy for rollerskating, dancing was a close second. just so long as he could actually get past his stage fright and nerves for more than five seconds to actually dance. 

which was why he was thankful that he only had to worry about performing for ninety seconds instead of having to worry about a whole song length. and that time was almost gone now, just one more short chorus to worry about before there was nothing else he could do. he was just going to have to hope he had done enough and hadn’t managed to embarrass himself, because if he had, then he knew he was never going to live it down and would never be able to accept an audition invitation from this company and these people again. if they would even want to offer him a second go. 

hit you with that  ddu-du ddu-du du

he was down to his last song again, the smile back of his face as he swayed in time with his hand motions. this was his last shot and he was going to make the most of it to impress them with some powerful emotions and strong movements. it really was quite a fun song to dance to, and something else he was sure a lot of people could get up there with him and dance just as well as he could. but the whole point of this audition for him was simply to prove to himself that he could do it. he really wasn’t that bothered about getting a contract at the end of this. all he wanted was to dance well and be proud of what he had accomplished. 

so he focused completely on what he was doing, going through the motions in his head as he poured his whole heart into his body movements, keeping in time with the music and being careful not to go too fast or get out of time. he was going to finish this off strong and then he could worry about what people might think of him for what he had just done. or maybe, it was probably better to try not to think about that or he would most likely end up curled up in the corner crying. 

there were only a couple of movements left and he made them count, finally, his hand resting on his shoulder as he slightly moved the top half of his body in time with the final lyrics of the song. 

ddu-du ddu-du du

and that was it. there was absolutely nothing else he could do to change what had just happened. honestly, the whole thing had passed a lot faster than he thought it was, and for that he was thankful. haruto didn’t know if he would have been able to get through the whole thing if it simply seemed to drag on for an incredibly long time. the longer he had to think about what he was doing the more and more nervous he was going to get about doing it perfectly. because while he might never admit it, he was just a little bit of a perfectionist. 

but he was still smiling, finally dropping from his final position as he turned to face the front again, hands back to rest against his stomach as he bowed forward. and he stayed there for just a moment longer, completely composing himself and working out what he wanted to say now as he straightened himself up properly. “thank you very much for watching,” he didn’t really know what else he could say, “and thank you once again for this opportunity. i enjoyed it.” and that really was rather strange for him because he had been completely sure he was going to hate every second of this. 

“i hope to hear from you soon,” maybe he could have done without adding in that last line, but he at least wanted to know what they thought. a rejection was still totally okay, in fact, he was more or less counting on it. because after thinking back on what he had just done he couldn’t help but wonder what on earth he had been thinking. maybe he shouldn’t have been talked so easily into doing this. but hey, he supposed it was all over and done with now and the only thing he could really do was try and calm himself down and wait to see what happened. 

[hjertetssunnegalskap1]

Skam Fic Love Fest Day 1: Comments

@evaksbinder arranges this lovely challenge, Skam Fic Love Fest 2018, and I love, love, love the idea. As always, I've planned this badly, and it collides with thousand things I've got going on right now. Still, I'll try to post a thing or two during the week!

Today's prompt is comments. 

I feel like I forget to comment on fics all the time, and lately I’m been too busy, too. So today I have commented on some recent fics and I will give them a shoutout here. Check out  Vivo (estas) Nun by Bewa,  Og opp til hodet by imminentinertia,  Scrim by eiqhties,  What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been by XioNin. I also commented on  The One That Got Away by cami_soul,  Synchronicity by XioNin and once more on  Masters of their own domain by evakuality. The comments got a little short today, because I’m in a hurry with some boring adulting things. However, a little is better than nothing, right?! 

* * *

As a writer I have gotten so many lovely comments, and I really can’t get how I deserve them? At all? But I cherish them all anyway, of course. It makes me so happy to see that others actually want to read the things I write and enjoy them, too! Here are some of the commenters I really appreciate.

One of the first comments I got was this one from Strangetowns / @canonicallyanxious on Don’t leave me (alone):  Aw, this is really lovely! And such an interesting start to what's coming up. I love the histories you've constructed for the two of them, like it's different from canon but also feels totally plausible and realistic with what we know of them as characters? I love the alternating pov, i think you pull it off really well and it helps create a more balanced dynamic between the two of them which is super lovely. I love that even though this fic happens in the course of one day, the development of their relationship feels quite natural. It's very believable why they would be so attracted to each other so quickly, especially considering their shared history! Anyway, I'm really enjoying this so far, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes <3

I really love this comment from Livet_er_naa on the same fic that actually mentioned something that didn’t quite work and that I could fix. I appreciate to get both positive feedback and concrit. This is the only concrit comment I have gotten from others than my beta readers, so it has a special place in my heart:  Tror du trygt kan utnevnes til master i lange kapitler ;) Bare en ting jeg stusset litt over - på slutten av delen som heter "Even - The gift". Først ser det ut som det er Isak som sier :" – Fy faen, he whispers. – Jeg elsker deg." (eller er det Even som sier det? Ble litt usikker). Bare noen setninger senere sier nemlig Isak "I love you", og av måten de snakker om det på virker det som det er noe han sjelden sier... Og det stemmer jo ikke hvis han nettopp sa det? Ble bare litt forvirret her, håper det er greit at jeg sier det, det er jo egentlig bare en detalj. :) Du skriver at du har strevd mye med kapittelet, men det merkes ikke når man leser i hvertfall. Og du fikk med mye fint fra sesong 4 også. Fint avslutningskapittel dette da! :)

@coolauntskam gave me this enthusiastic comment on The Very Personal Shopper: Ahhhh!!! You already know how much I love this fic. So sweet and funny and hot. It's still hilarious to see my grocery ordering adventures immortalized in fanfic. LOL. I'll never be over it. Thank you for this entertainment, haha!!And you had me laughing out loud with the lightsaber stuff. xD Oh, and OF COURSE Isak prefers Han over Luke. That's my boy! <3 Thank you for writing this, Camilla. It was delightful. :-D

On  Different, but same, I got some surprisingly lovely comments. Surprisingly, because the fic is a little strange and there are some consensual issues with it. Still, @rogueleader1987 , KT, wrote me this fantastic comment:  GIRL YOU KILLED ME!!!!!! that was so fantastic <3333333 i am feeling so many feels! ily. And later,  Flatfootmonster / @becsfannibal  attacked me with this comment when I needed it the most:  You are far, far, far from useless love. Seriously, one of my favortie writers sadi something like "Grammar, spelling, plot, playout, characters... these things can always be improved upon, because they are skills, but you have to have the talent to tell a story; that's the only prerequisite" and thank god he said that, cos lord my grammar is terrible now but it used to be appaulling. But I keep working on it and writing. YOU can tell a story, don't give up <3 I really felt a whole dizzying array of emotions from your words and that was beautiful. Thank you, I know fanfic writing can be a thankless task sometimes but remember the positivity <3

Im_a_bird  left me this amazing comment on Drunk on your colours: Only you can feel what you feel...except when you can also feel what everyone else feels too. This is such an interesting idea that they both have special abilities that set them apart and give them insight into other people. I would think Even's gift could be more painful than Isak's since Even is getting a real-time signal boost of their current feelings. It seems like it would be overwhelming. I want to comment on a thousand things from this chapter but I don't even know where to start. Oh wait! I do! That kiss...ahhh. Isak wanted that for so long and then finding out that Even deepened the kiss because he could feel how much Isak wanted him made it that much better! First year Isak and third year Even fics are especially my favorite! I love that Isak hasn't shrugged on that angry brittle protective shell quite so much at this point. He's just a little more open and innocent than he was by his second year. When he says he will change, I hope those aren't the changes he plans to make. This is so, so good!

arindwell/ @arindwell gave me this amazing comment on the same fic: I think I told you this already but I loved the positive feedback loop they had during sex, where Even felt Isak's emotions and got more turned on, and Isak saw/heard/felt Even get more turned on, and they just fed into each other. It's nice that they can get something fun out of their powers, not just the serious aspects (which are fascinating.) I really liked that when they finally got together it was light and not too angsty, which they deserved after pining over each other for so long. It was sweet (and sad) that Even could still think Isak would want someone other than him! I enjoyed this story so much. You always surprise me with your plots, as it's never what I'm expecting, and I love that. Thank you!

OceanOfInfinity always leave me lovely comments, and here’s one she left on The Cuddle Snuggle App:  I am all in in this one! Based on the premise, it might become my favorite of your app series. It's unique but based in reality. Can't wait for more!

Amfelia wrote me this amazing comment on Trollbundet/Spellbound: Spent the entire train ride to and from work reading this. Can’t begin to tell you how difficult it was not to do some stealth reading at work in between meetings, but I managed. Absolutely loved this, I think it is my favorite soulmate-fic, the way you used the bond as symbolism for how it sometimes can feel falling in love. And the tension, Even pulling back, Isak letting him do that. It was just so clever. You are clever.

On the same fic I got this comment that really picked me up when I was feeling a little down:  Amethystus wrote: Camilla <3 Been saving this gem for when I'd have better time, and which time could possible be better, than my first week of summer vacation! 

Where do I start? I haven't read many soul bond fics, so I don't know what's considered right and wrong, but I love what you're doing with it. Like, they're not forced to stay together, and they still have to work on their relationship, this is just some kind of magical matchmaking, like a nudge in the right direction. So beautiful!

The setting is perfect. I mean, meeting your sweetheart at a music festival, it's so realistic, even if it's literally Enchanting! All the little nods to s3, like "stay here with you forever" and kebabs (albeit moose kebabs) as comfort food, it's just so adorable. And I love the isfolket-ish chapter titles <3 Now I know you like playing around with different types of media, so you've probably thought of a soundtrack for this little darling already, but I thought I'd let you know that I listened to Jennie Abrahamson's "Into Deep" while reading. Check it out if you want to! Kudoskudoskudos and love!!!

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I could have mentioned so many more, but this was what I managed in a hurry. Right before midnight, lol. Thank you, all of you! All these comments and so many more made me forget my worries and keep writing! ❤️ 

[fuck-customers]

Alright, rant time. Fuck Coworkers, man. One in particular. I work in a distribution center for the behemoth From-A-to-Z as a Packer. I, as well as many others, pack over 100 boxes an hour and those get shipped to customers literally all over the world. While almost everyone I work with is amazing, friendly, and more than willing to help a friend in need, there's one guy who is just CONSTANTLY COMPLAINING. Let's call him Whiner, cuz that's all he is. Our shifts are 10 hours days for 4 days a week. It's a hard shift to maintain but it gives us 3 total days off and we can get alot of overtime like that. Our building did not open like this, we used to be the traditional 8-hours-5-days shift, but we switched over for multiple reasons. I was all for it, wanting that overtime opportunity. Many people were against it, and many people respectfully left. I wish them all the best of luck and for the best opportunity. Whiner here CONTINUOUSLY STILL complains how he needs to leave, how he's so tired from the shifts, and how he didn't vote for the 4-10s. Bro, we're all tired. We get you. We spend 40+ hours with each other doing the same shit. Just leave then. "I can't I need this job." THEN SUCK IT UP. He's always asking for accommodation for his low packing rate and complains that it's everyone else's fault when he's not hitting it. Dude. I have tendonitis and I still hit rate every day. If you stopped getting Time Off Task and stopped fucking around, maybe you can HIT THE GODDAMN RATE. There are people who legit can't hit it for different reasons, and those people get moved to other positions. You're just being lazy. Whiner got a chance to ride our automated pallet jacks and take carts full of boxes to our Sorter section (to separate which boxes go to which location and which truck). Whiner here lost his license to drive those for running multiple stop signs. When he was forced to go back into Pack, he did what he did best: COMPLAINED. "I'm the best rider there is!" Bitch, no you're not. Literally almost everyone else is better than you, and I'm not saying that to be facetious or cruel. That's a true and honest fact. Since Whiner was complaining about being in Pack and not hitting rate, Manager (she's sweet and amazing and though she has her flaws she's helped me out tremendously and tries her best to work with everyone) put him into Pick, which you get items off the shelving units and put them in totes for Packers. And guess who doesn't fucking make rate. Like. Goddamn dude. I've been asking to be Pick for a bit now because it would be easier on my tendonitis but they said there's no room for training. Then WTF is this shit. Our Team always jokes around with each other, since we're all practically family and it's always out of love and respect for each other. Everyone also knows that I have a list of health problems. They may not know what exactly is wrong, but they know I'm practically falling apart and need a new job, for the sake of my health. When I come in after a physical therapy appointment, I always have colourful kinesiology tape on (that my physical therapist puts on) because of my sore muscles and tendons. Everyone laughs (out of love and not ridicule) and jokes that the tape is holding me together. I'll joke back with them, saying that this KT Tape™ is just glorified duct tape and that my arm will fall apart without it, like in the cartoons. Whiner takes the joking way too far and inappropriate. "So how do you and your man 'do it' if you're arm is hurting??" Bro, none of your business. Sex talk and anything in that nature is a normal thing we mention, given that we always see sex toys since they're sold on this website. Not a big deal, and it always gives a laugh. We respect privacy though. Whiner does not. He'll ask the most inappropriate questions, or "How someone will like it better" and it's just. No. Stop it. He had to be TOLD that no, he can't talk like that, so sex talk has stopped at work for this sake. We still laugh when we see a toy though, we just don't show it to Whiner so we don't hear his input. ALSO. Stop complaining when you don't get VTO! Our schedules, while they allow for some sweet overtime, also gives opportunity for Voluntary Time Off. If we don't have enough units to support the amount of workers we have, management will let some people go home early if they want to. Sometimes it's the entire warehouse, sometimes it's one small group. It varies. Many people on the shift will check the amount of units we have just to know if we need work hard or might get the opportunity for VTO. I personally don't really care if we get VTO, but it's nice to go home early and rest, so I'll take it if the opportunity is there. Whiner is not only constantly asking about units but will--you guess it--complain if we're low on units and they won't give us VTO. Manager once assured that we would VTO at lunch because units were so ungodly low, but our new OPs Management wouldn't bite for whatever reason, so no VTO. Whiner got so pissed that he didn't get to go home early that he slammed his hand on our metal chutes and started yelling like a madman. He was suspended after for this, No Tolerance For Violence™ thing, but returned the next week. Dude. VTO is like a treat for us. We are here to work. We have the same scheduled time every week. VTO is not a God-given right. If you want to go home, THEN DO IT with your own Hours! Stop saying "we have to go home, there's no work, why aren't we leaving". Just stop. We are here to WORK. Everyone has learned to ignore the complaining as much as they can, but it's just so hard when you're literally constantly hearing it. If your so unhappy with your job, fucking LEAVE. Not only are you doing yourself a favor, but you're doing everyone else around you one too. Stop complaining. End rant.

[seokpapi-blog]

CHARCOAL (M) | kth

“The thing with Taehyung is that he use his hands a lot while drawing and get his fingers stained with charcoal, a lot. But when I come back home later, I love to see the same black prints all over my body.” 

+Pairing: Taehyung x femlale MC ft Seokjin +Genre: College!AU, Artist!kth +Warnings: sexual assault victim +Note: GUYS! This is an adaptation of the book “Easy” by Tammara Webber. I decided to start like this because im not sure of my writing skill yet, so enjoy!

01 02 03 04 05

04

“Kim T, I’m having more trouble with the current material than I let on, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to make it to one of your tutoring sessions. Too bad for both of us that my ex didn’t dump me early enough in the semester to drop this class! (No offense. You’re probably an econ major and like this stuff.) I’ve started researching online journals for the project. Thanks for decoding Dr. Park’s notes before sending them to me. If you’d have forwarded them without a translation, I’d be searching for a tall building/ overpass/ water tower from which to yell “goodbye cruel world.” Y/N”

“Y/N, Please, no leaping from towering structures. Do you have any idea how much damage that would do to my tutoring reputation?? If nothing else, think of the effect on me. ;) I create worksheets for the tutoring sessions. I’ve attached the past three weeks’ worth. Use them as study guides, or fill them in and send them back to me, and we’ll see where you’re getting confused. Actually, I’m an engineering major, but we have to take econ. I think everyone should, though – it’s a good starting point for explaining how money, politics and commerce work together to create the total chaos that is our economic system. KT PS – How did the regional competitions go? And btw, your ex is obviously a moron.”

I downloaded the worksheets, turning over his last statement in my mind. Whether my tutor knew Seokjin or not—unlikely, given the size of the university and their differing majors—he’d taken my side. Me, a girl so absurdly unhinged by a breakup that she’d skipped class for two weeks.

He was smart and funny, and after only three days, I already looked forward to his name in my inbox, our back-and-forth banter. All of a sudden, I wondered what he looked like. God. Just yesterday, I’d left class telling myself to ignore the brooding stares of a guy in class because I needed time to get over Seokjin’s desertion.

It didn’t matter. I needed time to recover, even if Kim was right. Even if Kennedy was a moron.

I clicked on the first worksheet and opened my econ text, and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Kim, The worksheets are definitely going to help. I already feel less scared of failing this class. I did the first two - when you have time, could you look them over? Thank you again for wasting your time on me. I’ll try to get caught up quickly. I’m not used to being the student who’s a pain in the butt.

I had two freshmen from rival schools in competition with each other at regionals. Both asked me, separately thank God, who was my favorite. (I told each of them, “You are, of course.” Was that wrong??) They were very smug with each other when they came to get their basses from my truck, and I prayed that neither would mention the favorite status in front of the other. BOYS.

Engineering? Wow. No wonder you seem so brainy.

Y/N”

"Y/N, The worksheets look great. I marked a couple of minor mistakes that could trip you up on an exam, so check those.

Ah, sounds like your freshmen have crushes on you? Not surprised. A bass-playing college girl would have rendered me speechless at 14.

Of course I’m brainy! I’m the all-knowing tutor. And in case you’re wondering - yes, you’re my favorite. ;)

KT”

Saturday night, Elee was once again threatening to drag me out of our room, ignoring my protests and reluctance. This time, three of us were heading to the strip to hit some clubs with our fake IDs.

“Don’t you remember how the party last weekend went for me?” I asked when she shoved a clingy black dress into my outspread arms. Of course she didn’t remember; I hadn’t told her. All she knew was that I’d bailed early.

“Y/N, babe, I know this is hard. But you can’t let Seokjin win! You can’t let him make you a hermit, or keep you scared of falling for someone new. God, I love this part of it—the hunt for a new guy, everything unknown, untried—the mass of hot prospects in front of you, waiting to be discovered. If I didn’t lust after Jongkyung so hard, I’d be jealous of you.”

The way she described it, the process sounded like an expedition to an exotic continent. I didn’t share her feelings, not in the least. The idea of finding a new guy sounded exhausting and depressing. “Elee, I don’t think I’m ready—”

“That’s what you said last weekend, and you did fine!” She frowned, thinking, and for the hundredth time, I almost told her about Junmin. “Even if you did leave early.” She rehung the black dress I didn’t intend to wear, and I held my tongue, losing my chance again. I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t tell her. I was mostly afraid she’d be infuriated. More unreasonably, I was afraid she’d be disbelieving. Neither response was something I wanted to contend with; I just wanted to forget.

I thought of Taehyung, annoyed that his presence in econ was making that process impossible, because he was irrevocably connected to the horror of that night. He’d not looked at me at all Friday—as far as I knew. Every time I snuck a look back at him, he appeared to be sketching rather than taking notes, his black pencil held low between his fingers, a concentrated expression on his face. When class ended, he stuck the pencil behind his ear, turned and walked from the classroom without a backward glance, first one out the door.

“Now this will show off the goods,” Elee said, breaking into my reverie. Next up was a stretchy, low-cut purple top. Yanking it from the hanger, she tossed it to me. “Put on your skinny jeans and those badass boots. This fits your tough, I’m-a-challenge mood better anyway. You have to dress to attract the right guys, and if I make you too cute, you’ll flick them all away with glares and irritated rolls of your eyes.”

I sighed and she laughed, pulling the black dress over her own head. Elee knew me far too well.

*

I’d lost count of the number of drinks Elee had pressed into my hand, telling me that since she was the designated driver, I was required to drink for two. “I can’t touch any of these hotties, either—so I have to live vicariously. Now finish that margarita, stop scowling, and stare at one of these guys until he knows he won’t lose a limb if he asks you to dance.”

“I’m not scowling!” I scowled, obeying and tossing the drink back. I grimaced. Cheap tequila refused to be concealed by an abundance of even cheaper margarita mix, but that’s what you get for no cover charge and five dollar drinks.

Still relatively early, the small club we decided to occupy for the night wasn’t yet overcrowded with the hundreds of college students and townies it would hold soon. Elee, Mina and I claimed a corner of the near-vacant floor. Having downed the drinks and dressed the part, I moved to the music, gradually loosening up while laughing at Elee’s cheer poses and Mina’s ballet movements. The first guy to interrupt us approached Elee, but she shook her head as her lips mouthed the word boyfriend. She turned him toward me and I thought: That’s me: SINGLE. No more relationship. No more Seokjin. No more You’re my Kkul.

“Wanna dance?” the guy yelled over the music, fidgeting as though he was ready to bolt if I turned him down. I nodded, choking back the pointless, almost physical pain. I was no one’s girlfriend, for the first time in three years.

We moved to an open space a few feet from Elee and Mina—who also had a boyfriend. It didn’t take long to figure out that the two of them planned to point every guy who asked one of them to dance at me. I was their pet project for the night.

Two hours later, I’d danced with too many guys to remember, dodging wandering hands and turning down any drinks not handed to me by Elee. Crowded around a tall table near the floor, we leaned hips on the barstools surrounding it, watching the surrounding hookup activity. As Mina returned from bopping and pirouetting her way to the bathroom and back, I asked if we could go yet, and Elee fixed me with a look she usually reserved for ill-mannered steakhouse patrons. I smirked at her and sipped my drink.I knew when the next guy walked up behind me, and that Elee and Mina approved, because their eyes widened simultaneously, focusing over my shoulder. Fingers grazed the back of my arm, and I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly before turning around. 

Good thing, too—because it was Taehyung who stood there, his eyes dropping to my cleavage for a split second. He crooked an eyebrow and gazed into my eyes with a faint smile, unapologetic for looking. The heels on my boots were killing my feet, but they weren’t tall enough to bring me eye-to-eye. Rather than raising his voice like everyone else, he leaned close to my ear and asked, “Dance with me?” I felt his warm breath and inhaled the scent of his aftershave—something basic and male—before he withdrew, his eyes on mine, waiting for my answer. An enthusiastic nudge between my shoulder blades told me Elee’s vote: go dance with him. 

I nodded, and he took my hand and made his way to the floor, maneuvering through the crowd, which parted easily for him. Once we reached the worn oak floor, he turned and pulled me close, never letting go of my hand. As we found the rhythm of the slow-paced song, swaying together, he took my other hand in his and moved both hands behind my back, gently holding me captive. My breasts grazed against his chest and I struggled not to gasp at the subtle contact. I’d barely let anyone else touch me at all tonight, adamantly refusing all slow dances. Dizzy from weak-but-plentiful margaritas, I closed my eyes and let him lead, telling myself that the difference was the alcohol in my blood, nothing more. A minute later, he released my fingers and spread his hands across my lower back, and my hands moved to his biceps. Solid, as I knew they would be. Tracking a path, my palms encountered equally hard shoulders. 

Finally, I hooked my fingers behind his neck and opened my eyes. His gaze was penetrating, not wavering for a moment, and my pulse hammered under his silent scrutiny. Finally, I stretched up toward his ear, and he leaned down to accommodate my question. “S-so what’s your major?” I breathed.From the corner of my eye, I watched his mouth twitch up on one side. “Do you really want to talk about that?” He maintained the closeness, our torsos pressed together chest to thigh, ostensibly waiting for my answer. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so full of pure, unqualified desire.I swallowed. “As opposed to talking about what?” He chuckled, and I felt the vibrations of his chest against mine. “As opposed to not talking.” His hands at my waist gripped a little tighter, thumbs pressing into my ribcage, fingers still at my lower back. I blinked, one moment not understanding what his words implied, and the next knowing unreservedly. “I don’t know what you mean,” I lied. He leaned closer still, his smooth cheek whispering against mine as he murmured  “Yes, you do.” Struck again by his scent—clean and subtle. I felt an impulse to bring my fingertips to his face and trail them over his jaw. His skin would feel so soft againstt mine now if he kissed me, hard. I would feel nothing but his mouth on mine—and maybe that slim ring at the edge of his lip…The errant thought made my breath catch. When his lips touched just south of my earlobe, I thought I might pass out. “Let’s just dance,” he said. Pulling back just far enough to stare into my eyes, he drew my body against his, and my legs obeyed where his said to go.

“Bitch, who was that hot guy?” Elee carefully maneuvered her daddy-furnished Volvo sedan around the people weaving drunkenly through the parking lot. “If I wasn’t stone cold sober, I’d think he was a figment of my sex-starved imagination.”

“Psshh,” I mumbled, eyes closed, my spinning head lolling back against the headrest. “Don’t even talk to me about sex-starved.”

A minute later, Mina piped up from the back seat. “You haven’t answered the question, Y/N!” Her speech was almost as slurred as mine, my name pronounced in distinct syllables. “Who was that beautiful guy, and more importantly, why didn’t you solve your sex-starvedness with him? Holy hell, I think I’d be willing to boot Jinyoung outta bed for a night with him!”

“Slut,” Elee said, rolling her eyes into her rearview mirror.

Mina laughed. “In this case… Hell. Yeah.”

They both grew quiet, staring at me, waiting for me to reveal who he was. I mentally sorted through everything I knew about him. He’d saved me from Junmin’s attack, which I hadn’t told anyone about. He’d beaten the crap out of Junmin, which I likewise hadn’t told anyone. He’d stared at me all through economics on Wednesday, and then ignored me completely on Friday, which I hadn’t told anyone. He worked at the Coffe. And he kept asking me if I was okay… but he hadn’t asked me that tonight.

Tonight had been something else altogether. By unspoken agreement, we’d danced several dances without stopping—slow, fast, and everything in between. His hands never left my body, triggering an upsurge of longing I’d not felt in a very long time—longer than four or five weeks ago. His hands hadn’t wandered inappropriately, his fingers not even teasing beneath the fabric of my top at the waist, but they’d seared the skin beneath regardless. 

And then he disappeared. Bending, his lips next to my ear, he thanked me for the dances, led me back to my table, and vanished into the throng of people. I hadn’t seen him again, and could only assume he’d left the club.

“His name is Taehyung. He’s in my economics class. And he draws stuff.”

Mina began giggling and slapped the leather seat. “He draws stuff? What kind of stuff? Naked girls? That’s pretty much the extent of most guys’ artistic endeavors. Usually not even whole girls. Just boobs.”

Elee laughed along with her. “I don’t know what he draws. He was just… sketching something in class Friday. I don’t think he listened to the lecture at all.”

“Oh no, Elee!” Maggie leaned as far up as her seatbelt would allow. “Sounds like that god of a man is a bad student. We know what that means for Y/N.”

I frowned. “What does it mean?”

Elee shook her head, smiling. “Come on, Y/N—have you ever in your life been attracted to a bad boy? Or a boy who’s, um, academically challenged? In other words, a boy who isn’t—gasp!—a brainiac?”

My mouth fell open. “Shut up! Are you saying I’m an intellectual snob?”

“No! We didn’t say you were—we don’t mean that. We just mean… you sure didn’t look indifferent to this Taehyung guy tonight, while you two danced together for like ever, and it sounds like he’s maybe not your usual type—” “My only ‘type’ has been Seokjin for the past three years! Who knows what my type is?” “Don’t get huffy. You know what I mean—you don’t even crush on dumb guys.” “Well, who does?” I rebelled against the idea that Taehyung was dumb. Maybe he was unmotivated in economics, but nothing about him seemed unintelligent.

“And all of this talk is for—?”

Elee grinned at me. “You’re ready for a new man, my girl.”

“Ooohhh,” Mina sighed.

“Um. I don’t think—”

“Exactly. Don’t think. You’re gonna seduce this Taehyung guy and rebound the hell out of him. That’s the thing about boys—they don’t have any qualms about being the rebound guy because they don’t hang around for long anyway. He probably lives for being the rebound guy—especially in a situation like this, where he’ll get to teach you all sorts of naughty stuff.”

Mina endorsed Elee’s crazy idea with one heavily sighed word. “Lucky.”

I thought of Taehyung’s hands at my waist, his mouth grazing my ear, and I shivered. I recalled his penetrating gaze Wednesday during class, and the breath in my lungs went shallow. Maybe I was experiencing alcohol perspective, and everything would look different tomorrow—but at the moment, Elee’s crazy idea was starting to sound almost not crazy.

I was a ball of nerves as I approached the classroom Monday morning, unsure if I should initiate the man-snaring strategy I’d agreed to test on my unsuspecting classmate, or abandon it fully while I still could. He walked into the room ahead of me, and I watched his eyes flick over my recently assigned seat, and the vacant one next to Seokjin, who was already seated, thank God. I had about thirty seconds to reconsider the whole thing.

Go time.

I took a deep breath. I had three minutes until class started. Elee said I needed one minute, no more than two. “But two is pushing it,” she insisted, “because then you look too interested. One is better.”

I slid into the seat next to him, but perched on the edge, making it obvious that I had no intention of remaining. His eyes snapped to mine immediately, dark brows disappearing into that messy hair falling over his forehead. His eyes were almost colorless. I’d never seen anyone with eyes so light.

He was definitely startled by my appearance next to him. Good, according to Elee and Mina.

“Hey,” I said, a subtle smile on my lips, hoping I appeared somewhere between interested and indifferent. According to Elee and Mina, that impression was a vital part of the strategy.

“Hey.” He opened his econ text, concealing the open sketchbook in front of him. Before he obscured it, I caught a detailed illustration of the venerated old oak tree in the center of campus.

I swallowed. Interested and indifferent. “So, it just occurred to me that I don’t remember your name from the other night. Too many margaritas, I guess.”

He wet his lips and stared at me a moment before answering, and I blinked, wondering if he was purposefully making my loosely-sustained indifference more challenging to maintain. “It’s Taehyung. And I don’t think I gave it.”

In the next moment, Dr. Park entered noisily near the podium, catching his handled case in the door. An audible, “Dammit,” echoed through the lecture hall, thanks to the planned acoustics of the room. Taehyung and I smiled at each other as our fellow classmates tittered.

“So… you, um, called me Kkul, before?” I said, and his head tilted slightly. “My name is actually Y/N…”

His brows drew down slightly. “Okay.”

I cleared my throat and stood—surprising him again, judging by his expression. “Nice to meet you, Taehyung.” I smiled again before turning away and darting to my assigned seat.

Keeping my attention on the lecture and defying the compulsion to peek over my shoulder was excruciating. I was sure I felt Taehyung’s eyes boring into the back of my head. Like an out-of-reach itch, the sensation nettled me for fifty minutes straight, and it took herculean effort to refrain from turning around. 

Unknowingly, Jungkook helped by making distracting observations on Dr. Park, like tallying the number of times he said, “Uuummm,” during the lecture with marks at the top of his notebook, and pointing out the fact that our professor was sporting one navy and one brown sock.

Instead of lingering at the end of class to see what Taehyung would do (speak to me or ignore me?), instead of waiting for Seokjin to leave (funny, I’d paid scant attention to him for the past hour—that was a first), I swung my backpack onto my shoulder and practically sprinted from the room without looking at either of them. Emerging from the side door into the crisp fall air, I sucked in a deep breath. 

When Elee and I joined the line at the Coffe, I didn’t see Taehyung.

“Rats.” She craned her neck, making sure he wasn’t one of the people behind the counter. “He was here last Monday, right?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, but his work schedule is probably unpredictable.”

She elbowed me lightly. “Not so much. That’s him there, right?”

He came through a door to the back with an industrial-sized bag of coffee. My physical reaction to him was unnerving. It was as though my insides all clenched up at the sight of him, and when they unwound, everything restarted at once—my heart rate accelerating, lungs pumping air, brainwaves running amok.

“Ooh, Y/N, he’s got ink, too,” Elee murmured appreciatively. “Just when I didn’t think he could get any hotter…”

My eyes fell to his forearms, flexing as he sliced the bag open. Tattooed designs wrapped around his wrists, contiguous symbols and script running up both arms and disappearing into the sleeves of the gray knit shirt, which were shoved above his elbows. I’d never seen him without his sleeves pulled to the wrists. Even Saturday night, he’d worn long sleeves—a faded black button-down, open over a white t-shirt.

Now, I wondered how far the tattoos spread—just the sleeves of his arms? His back? His chest?

Elee tugged my arm as the line moved forward. “You’re botching our carefully crafted indifferent act, by the way. Not that I can blame you.” She sighed. “Maybe we should bail now before he—”

I glanced at her when she fell silent, and watched a devious smile cross her face as she turned to me.

“Keep looking at me,” she said, laughing as though we were having an amusing conversation. “He’s staring at you. And I mean staring. That boy is undressing you with his eyes. Can you feel it?” Her expression was triumphant.

Could I feel his stare? I can now, thanks, I thought. My face heated.

“Hoe, you’re blushing,” she whispered, her dark eyes widening.

“No shit.” My teeth were clenched, voice tight. “Stop telling me he’s—he’s—”

“Undressing you with his eyes?” She laughed again and I’d never wanted to kick her more. “Okay, okay—but Y/N, do not worry. You’ve got this. I don’t know what you’ve done to him, but he’s ready to sit up and beg. Trust me.” She glanced in his direction. “Okay, he’s starting a new batch of coffee now. You can do your own staring.”

We stepped closer; there were only two people in front of us. I watched Taehyung replace the filter, measure out the coffee, and set the controls. His green apron was haphazardly secured in the back—more of a knot than a bow.

He turned then, eyes on the second register as he punched buttons and brought it to life. I wondered if he planned to ignore me as I had him during class. It would serve me right, playing this game. Just as the guy in front of me began his detailed drink order to the girl at the first register, Taehyung’s gaze swung up to meet mine. “Next?” The steel gray of his shirt set off the gray in his eyes, the blue disappearing. “Y/N.” He greeted me with a smirk, and I worried that he could read my mind, and the devious plans Elee had implanted in it. “Americano today, or something else?”

He remembered my drink order from a week ago.

I nodded, and he flashed a barely-there grin at my bemusement, ringing up the order and printing the cup with a sharpie. Instead of passing it to a coworker, though, he made the drink himself.

He added a protective sleeve and a lid and handed me the cup. I couldn’t read his trace of a smile. “Have a nice day.” Looking over my shoulder, he said, “Next?”

I joined Elee at the pick-up counter, confused and sulking.

“He made the drink for you?” She retrieved her drink and followed me to the condiment counter.

“Yeah.” I removed the lid and added sugar and milk while she shook cinnamon over her latte. “But he just handed it over like I was any other customer and took the next guy’s order.” We watched him interact with customers. He didn’t once glance my way.

“I could have sworn he was so into you he couldn’t see straight,” she mused as we left, rounding a corner to join the mass of people flowing through the student center.

“Hey, baby!” Jongkyung’s voice pulled both of us from our thoughts. He snatched Elee out of the flow of people and I followed, laughing at her delighted squeal until I noticed the guy standing next to him.

My face went hot, blood pounding in my ears. As our friends kissed hello and began talking about what time they each got off work tonight, Junmi stared down at me, his mouth turning up on one side. My breath came in pants and I fought to keep the rising panic and nausea under control. I wanted to turn and run, but I was immobilized.

He couldn’t touch me here. He couldn’t hurt me here.

“Hey, Kkul.” His piercing gaze roamed over me and my skin crawled. “Lookin’ good, as always.” His words gushed flirtation, but all I felt was the threat underneath, intended or not.

The bruises had faded from his face, but weren’t entirely gone. One yellowish streak ringed his left eye, and another brushed along the right side of his nose like a pale smear. Taehyung had given him those, and only the three of us knew it. I stared back, mute, the coffee clutched in my hand. I’d once thought this boy handsome and charming—the all-American veneer he wore fooling me as thoroughly as it fooled everyone else.

I raised my chin, ignoring my physical reaction to him, and the fear causing it. “It’s Y/N.”

He cocked one eyebrow, confused. “Huh?”

Elee grabbed my elbow. “Come on, hot stuff. Don’t you have art history in like five minutes?”

I stumbled slightly as I turned and followed her, and he issued a soft, taunting laugh as I passed him. “See you around, Y/N” he teased.

My name in his mouth sent a tremor through me, and I trailed behind Elee into the sea of students. Once I could move, I couldn’t get away from him fast enough.

Elee: Do you still have your coffee cup?

Me: Yes?

Elee: Take the sleeve off

Me: BITCH

Elee: His phone number?

Me: How did you know???

Elee: I’m Elee. I know all.

If Elee hadn’t texted me during class, that cup, and his number, would have been pitched into the hallway wastebasket.

So… Taehyung wasn’t writing an unnecessary drink order onto my cup, he was giving me his phone number. I entered it into my phone, wondering what I was meant to do with it. Call him? Text him?

I thought about what I knew of him: He’d come out of nowhere the night of the party. After putting a stop to the attack, some further protective trait had obliged him to see me safely back to the dorm. He’d somehow known my name that night—my nickname—but I’d never noticed him before.

He sat in the back row in economics, sketching or staring at me instead of paying attention to the lecture. Saturday night, the firm touch of his hands as we danced made my head swim, before he disappeared without explanation. He’d undressed me with his eyes, Elee said. He was cocky and self-sure. Tattooed and too hot for words. 

And now, his number was programmed into my phone. It was as though he knew all about my desesperation to see another dick, and he was as willing and eager to cooperate as my friends believed he’d be.

[rkxroyal]

in the end, it’s aron that forces taemin back to earth and reminds him he’s being ridiculous. taemin already knew that much. if he didn’t tell woohyun goodbye, he would regret it; letting woohyun leave on such a bad note wasn’t something he ever intended to do, but then again, neither was letting him leave at all. he didn’t want to face it, even after the days of preparing himself: the reality of a kt without woohyun. maybe it wasn’t even woohyun, maybe it was just that: a kt without, after his heart finally felt full with it again. loss returns. he doesn’t know how he’s going to do this again. after woohyun told him (texted him) the news officially, taemin avoided him– a battle against his instincts he won for woohyun’s safety (but it didn’t feel like winning) because he knew face to face, he wouldn’t be able to provide woohyun the comfort or encouragement he deserved. all he would do was try to cling– sink claws into him out of desperation for something to stay the same. he is no pillar of strength now. everything he built for years inside kt’s walls and in his heart crumbles. was it all an illusion?

but there is still aron– aron, in his bitterness all month, who is the one to ground taemin now. aron is the reasonable one that insists on a group hug, and supporting woohyun, and taemin knows he’s right. anything else would be holding woohyun back. taemin knew it from the moment the auditions were announced. this is the natural course of action; fate, maybe.

aron’s maturity is what makes taemin think he might be okay, because taemin needs a reality check when his mind hurtles into darkness. it just so happens that he needs kindness too, and that’s what he’s afraid woohyun is taking with him. 

that’s why he cries only moments after he meets woohyun’s gaze when they find him on his last day in kt, facade of composure splintering in record time. taemin brings his hands to wipe at his eyes. i’m sorry, he wants to say, but he can already hear woohyun saying don’t apologize in turn, so he doesn’t. he’s only sorry for making this harder than it needs to be. he’s not sorry for caring so much, or for thinking it should be kt preparing for a boy group debut right now instead: their group. he can still feel it could’ve been us. it should’ve been. (it’s sickeningly familiar.)

he fights for the steadiness of his hand as he holds an envelope out to woohyun. a letter. “don’t open this until you’ve signed the contract with sphere for sure. you need to do this and i don’t want you to change your mind based on anything this says.” it takes so much. he doesn’t but he does– a war between what taemin wants and what woohyun deserves. in the end, taemin wants what woohyun deserves, too, and that’s the force that prevails. in the end, that might be a good sign.

but when aron pulls both of them into the group hug they need, taemin still can’t breathe. he saves the feeling of them in his memory, and vows to himself this, again, but on an award show stage some day– different groups, but still them, still friends. it’s not the same, but it’ll have to do. he can only hope it’s not too much to ask.

the letter reads:

kt’s (and nation’s) prince, nam woohyun,

first of all, i’m sorry. i know you’d tell me not to apologize, which is why i haven’t said i’m sorry to your face. i just can’t resist. let me apologize, because this shouldn’t be so hard. i’m not saying it’s all my fault, because there are a lot of reasons why this is harder than it had to be, and only so much of it that i have any control over. i’m still sorry for it, but especially sorry for the hand i had in making things difficult. i’m not done yet, either ㅋㅋ

i told you at christmas, after you gave me that mason jar and letter, that words couldn’t explain how thankful i am and that i had a lot to say that i couldn’t put into words. i said i was going to put it in a letter for new years and i…never did that. life is busy, you know? you do, you do, i know, but the point is, i found the words now, and there are some things i want you to carry with you into this next part of your life. not literally carry just– things i want you to know, about why i reacted to all of this the way i did, and about how important you are. it’s not that i think you don’t understand where i’m coming from without justification, it’s just that i want you to know.

for christmas, we had that kt christmas tree, and we all got to decorate it. my personal ornament was a red, glittering eight point star. to me, it also was a compass. each point is a direction. for evaluations years ago, before you were even in kt, we had to come up with a title for ourselves and introduce ourselves as it. i picked “kt’s north star.” since that day, i watched seven other boys in kt leave. 

the worst of people leaving was one of my best friends. i knew him well before either of us were in kt. i was actually a total mess back then, and he kind of sorted me out. the title he chose for that same evaluation was actually “kt’s south star.” he had to go back to china to his family. he’s the friend i told you about when we were learning the love equation dance. 

i told you i wanted to get into nova, right? but i don’t think i told you i might not have accepted a contract with kt if he wasn’t there before i couldn’t imagine a kt without him, and even though fixing my dream after that was difficult, the worst part of it was that nobody would ever know kt’s south star existed. he gave up his dream and no one would ever see him on stage and know how great he was. 

i told aron that. aron was a trainee of maybe 8 months back then, and aron said as long as i knew that he existed, that would be enough. aron and i laid on a practice room floor together after my two best friends in kt left and even though we barely knew each other, and he said that to me. for a while, aron was the only reminder i had that i wasn’t alone in my dream. (i don’t think he actually knows that ㅋㅋㅋㅋ don’t tell him) i think that’s why if kt is part of aron’s dream, i can’t leave him alone with that, either. i think that’s the real reason why i chose to stay. 

he left in august, and the rest of that fall and into winter, i vowed to rebuild kt’s boys myself if i had to. i was going to do it for my friends that gave up their dream. it gave me new determination, but in that time i also convinced myself that i couldn’t rely on anyone anymore, and that i would never find friendship in kindness in kt again.

simply, i want to say thank you for proving me wrong. when we were learning love equation, i felt really…heavy with the feeling that i didn’t deserve to be there while others weren’t, and with the feeling that i couldn’t do anything without them. i didn’t expect anyone in kt to be kind to me again, but you were, and that actually…changed everything for me. i think that’s when i really started rebuilding. i said back then that you reminded me of my friend that left, too, and you really do. 

that’s why this is so hard. i know this letter is really long and my handwriting is really small and bad but i’m still not done, either!! the hardest part is out of the way now, i promise. or at least that was the hardest part for me; hopefully it’l be easier for you to read from here on out, too.

i want you to know that i understand you’re doing this because you have to, and not because you want to, and i want you to know i’m really glad this have to is for the sake of your dream. i don’t know what i would do if the two greatest people i’ve ever met would’ve both had to sacrifice their dreams in the end. seeing you on stage is going to make it worth it, and i really, really believe that, even if i’m going to be jealous of your groupmates that get to sing with you  ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ you’re going to debut! which means now i have to too, so i can meet you there and tell all of your groupmates how lucky they are on national television. i’m going to do everything i can to bring aron with me, too. we’ll meet again like this at an end of year award show. our fans will be fighting each other all the time, that’s how great we’re going to be  ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

i also want you to know you’ve done a lot more good by being here than you’re doing harm in leaving. you said, in your christmas letter to me, that i make you want to be a better person. even a year later, i’m still having trouble accepting that you could get any better at all, let alone that i could have anything to do with it, but i guess i will ㅋㅋonly if you accept how thankful i am for you, and how much you’ve done for me, too.

i’m going to work really hard, because i know you will too. go to sphere and debut and make katie lee regret not debuting us together. i know i already said that, but i mean it. i’m going to get better at singing too, so by the time i debut you’ll be really shocked ㅋㅋ and everyone will say “ah, as expected of a friend who trained with woohyun sunbae.”

being honest, i do still wish things could be different. but between this and a reality where you never get to stand on stage at all, i’d much rather this one. i’ve seen the other option for another friend already and i’d pick this one every time. 

i’ll be cheering you on, because you really, really deserve this. when you stand on stage when you debut, i hope you can be proud of yourself and how you got there, because you should be. you deserve that, too.

                                                                   – kt’s north star, lee taemin

it takes a while for woohyun to actually read the letter. not because he’s been busy (he has, but he always has time for at least something), but because he doesn’t want to. sure, he wants to see what taemin has to say, to read taemin’s hard work and what he conjured up after the short few weeks of suffering from the weight of woohyun’s inevitable decision. 

he doesn’t want everything to become real. he doesn’t want this to be the moment he realizes you’re gone, you’ve left kt. he hasn’t come to terms with it yet, hasn’t let it all settle in.

but as he sits there, the weight of the envelope in his hand, woohyun feels tired, curious and afraid. in the far reaches of his mind he wonders, is this going to be it? is this the cut-off of friendship? is taemin going to tell woohyun this is the worst decision, that he hates him-- every little negative thought seeps in. in the more rational part of his brain, woohyun knows that isn’t true. that’s not taemin, not what he would do; but the panic, the fear and the hysteria, it eats him alive.

the first aspects of the note make woohyun tear up. there’s a sting, then it evolves and it grows. teeth dig harshly into his lower lip as he continues on, and he so desperately wants to tell the younger he shouldn’t be sorry. that there’s no need-- and that if he needs to apologize, woohyun forgives him; he forgives him one hundred times over and even more.

the contents of the letter, taemin openings up-- laying his heart bare to him makes the first tears fall. one drop, then two. it stains the paper and woohyun sniffles, lifts it further from him so he doesn’t destroy the heartfelt words with his crying. he shakes his head sharply and focuses back on the letter. 

and when he’s finished, woohyun cries. he clutches the letter close to his heart and cries his god damned heart out. and when he stops for a moment he starts up again, head down and tucked in his arms, legs tugged up to his chest. he’s crying happily, he’s crying sadly-- he’s crying out of pain and anger and frustration. he cries for the chance to debut, he cries for the opportunity missed to debut with kt. he cries for taemin and he cries for aron and hyeri and the rest of the kt kids. he cries for katie lee. he cries for his family and he cries for mijoo and everything that’s been building, settling on his shoulders the past few months-- he lets it all go.

he’s red-eyed and puffy when he finishes, sniffling and choking.

he falls asleep with that letter clutches tight in his fingers, and in the morning, he folds it precariously and tucking it into his wallet. he’ll take a look at it when he’s sad, when he needs a reality check; when he needs to know that he isn’t alone and when he needs to know that he’s not making the wrong decision.

         (he’ll take it as a pillar of strength he’s needed this entire time.)

[diariesofana]

July 15 all

I keep replaying Friday night in my head a thousand times to find some realness in the night. I blacked out so i can only remember bits and piecies. I had texts to shower how desperate I was, and desperate I was. Alone in fish town there were a lot of black guys and girls, it was ghetto in there. I was scared but too drunk to care. I was throwing up in someone’s car i got out and left my friends behind. I thought Steve would come to my rescue.. i was wrong. Somehow my friend made it back to me. I was sitting in someone’s front steps watching everyone walk by glancing at me. They all did. I found a way to unblock Stevens cell phone which idk how i managed to do because it’s difficult for me sober. I must have called him 54 times. Texted 100. He finally came to get home in the name of me giving him a blow job. My life came down to giving him a blow job for a ride. Am i any better than a hooker? In my drunk brain all i thought of was an opportunity to spend the night with him. He drove me to my car because my friend needed to get her purse. I don’t know if we both got in his car or if she rode separately? I think serpately. Because i remember him telling me he’s only staying with me until she gets here. Once he did he told me to get out. I pleaded to stay. Until i couldn’t anymore but i thought hw wasn’t serious... about leaving me blacked out in the middle of Philly alone in my car. He was. He left. Drove off. I cried to my friend that was next to me. She called him and he came back. Apparently he being a dick to her about taking my car. Which gave me a little hope because it’s my car and he cares about me? I’m probably wrong. She was drunk too. We hooked up. I gave him head for a long time hoping that would make him want me again like before. I rode him alll night. Again hoping that would make him want me. I deserpately wanted to please him. Make him feel good. Make him cum. I didn’t even make him wear a condom and told him he could cum inside me and I’ll take plan be the next day if it felt better for him. No. Desperate me wanting to give him my all one last time so he could come around. He never did. The next morning he abruptly woke me up “wake up you need to get home” o said just a few more minutes. He said only if you fuck me. I quickly came to realize i was just pussy to him. He didn’t do any of the things he normally did when we had sex. I realized he didn’t enjoy or last night together the way i did. I took everything in so deeply so i could always remember it. He said some he had to pick up the new girl he’s seeing. He told me i was the bad guy in my last relationship. He reminded me of how i confessed my love for him last night. And he laughed. He made me feel like shit. I woke up still drunk. I cried when he went to the bathroom. By the time he got out i was in my phone in his bed no tears in sight and he mocks me by sayin “ have a nice crying session” i was embarrassed of course. My cries were not for him to hear so i denied and he knew that was bs. He laughed. Numbessed cojrsed through my veins and i just had to be ok with his actions. He got ready to take me home and i pleated one last time for more time. I didn’t work. I gave up. I gave kt my all. At least what i had left. In the car he continues to talk about how awesome his new girl is and how he doesn’t love me back. That one, hurt a little. Of course i wished him nothing but the best. Ana what are you doing? What were you thinking? Thinking something like spending the night in person might make him crave and desire you? Actually want you? See that’s the problem when you date someone because they look good... once you find someone better looking they’ll get replaced. I knew in that moment nothing i say will make him feel bad and come back. If he does it’ll be Zaire 2.0 all over again. He mentioned alex the night before about how he figured out who it was.. i wasn’t told how after i asked. Just thay he has an amazing body. Nice shoulders and six pack but that he looks better than alex. to deter the attention from Alex i denied him having a six pack

But he saw right through me. He said you were just telling him you missed him you never stopped talking to him. I didn’t put the pieces together but i think somehow he got into my txt and saw our thread. Idk how. I think when he read that is when he became a real total douche. I don’t blame him but... it hurts. On the car ride i told him i wish him nothing but the best and hope that girl brings him happiness and he said “ i want you why can’t you give everything up to be with me” o said because the damage is done. Truth is i wanted him to fight for me. But thats my ego. Both our egos messed something good up. I walked away we hugged each other tightly i was still hoping for him to not let go and tell me to come back and fix us. He didn’t. He drove off. Like i didn’t mean shit. A message to myself. Love. Just do it. You get hurt regardless.

[talesovercoffee]

House Buying is Hard

THE HOME BUYING PROCESS IS A SHAM!!

Okay now that is out of my system – let’s talk about my home buying process thus far.

I am a first-time home buyer and intend on buying my first home with my fiancé this spring/summer. My fiancé graduates in May and I have been out of college for a year now. I paid for college out of pocket to avoid ever falling into the deep, dark depths of debt. My fiancé also was able to pay of his school loans and will be graduating with only one small auto loan for his shiny new wheels to pay off. I bought my old hunk of junk car with cash and prolonged the “never borrowing” habit. Both of our credit scores are in the good range and neither of us have anything holding us back. Adding all of this together, we thought we were in the all clear zone and that we could finally start the home buying journey together at last.

Did you know that spring time is the time of year where home buying is essentially at it’s highest? Whether it’s the time of year or some unknown factor to me, the competition really heats up at the start of April. I consider it to be like the running of the bulls and that there are only two spots you can be:

a.       There are fast people who are out in the front who are ambitious enough to get to safety first.

b.       There are also the people who move slow in the race and are going to get trampled.

You can use deductive reasoning to decide which of these options I wanted to be. I am always on top of my game, I am fast, flexible and work so put myself in a position where I can’t lose. So, I started the process at the end of February in hopes that this little head start would put me a good distance away from my competition. At this time, I also started applying to jobs in the area we wanted to move. Our current jobs were over an hour away from the area we wanted to live so it seemed like an excellent choice to start looking now so that when we moved, neither of us had to commute every day.

I met with a lovely realtor who was nothing but kind and helpful to us. I had done some background research on the whole home buying process and she backed up everything I learned and then some! She directed us to a trusted lender to figure out the real numbers we could be working with. Ambitious Kt reached out to the lender she suggested and learned that he too was a very nice fellow. A gentleman and a scholar were the vibes I received from his emails.

I did several phone interviews during the time when we started to work with the lender. It was a long process of turning over required documentation and waiting on the long back-and-forth email process. Well out of these interviews, two were interested enough to invite me into their offices to see if I was the candidate they were looking for. I was as happy as a clam! I would have two real shots to make it all work out! However, my dear reader, this is where the whole process starts to get hairy.

Kt and her fiancé had an appointment scheduled with their lender one week before the job interviews. She could have asked the real questions she needed answered before walking into her interviews during this appointment. But this is where the gentleman lender comes down with the case of the flu. You can imagine that this isn’t a fork in the road that I could have predicted. I was supposed to get better equipped for my interviews and now I would be walking in cold and empty handed. I didn’t know how much I was approved for, so I didn’t know if now was even a good time for us to be buying a house. I didn’t know how changing jobs impacted my chances of getting a loan, I didn’t know if it’s bad to switch jobs or how that impacts our loan qualification, and I didn’t know what I could say was my expected “move to the area” date because of all these unanswered questions.

I was mad as hell at our lender. I shouldn’t have been, he was a nice guy and he got the flu which I’m sure he didn’t want but was out of his hands. I felt screwed though. I could lie to my interviewers and say “oh yeah, I will totally be in the area by _____” and hope it all worked out. But what happened if now wasn’t a good time for us to buy a house or there was some other road block that we didn’t know about that made it so that I would be commuting for months until we found a house if I accepted this job and quit my old one? This was a nightmare.

The only thing I could think of doing as I am sitting here heatedly typing is to swallow the reality that I can do nothing. My future is completely out of my hands and in the sweaty palms of strangers and I must sit here and smile and say it’s okay. I have worked my ass off to keep my future in my own hands and shape it to what I want it to be. I did everything I could to get to this point in my life and now I have to sit and refresh my email every 5 minutes in hopes that someone with a piece of my future in their grubby mitts deems me worthy of replying to.

I’m not happy with this. I hate letting anyone else be in control of my future and this whole situation has caused me to have a constant headache for four days and I doubt it lets up until I get some answers. Tried being calm, tried tea, tried it all. This is what my body does when someone else is at the wheel!

All I can do is walk into the interview and be honest and say “I want this job I’m willing to commute”. I would turn into a she-devil if I must commute for more than three weeks for over an hour and a half one way every day. If a job wants me to start in 3 weeks I will have to say yes and hope the lender gets me some info before then haha! Gosh, all I can do is smile right now and it SUCKS. The closest I can get to describing what I feel right now is a mix of a being hit in the face by a textbook every few seconds while you have that feeling you get in your throat right before you cry because someone just told you something super hurtful but you have to hold yourself together because you’re in public. I’m just done. I’m just going to sleep the next few days because I have no feeling of wanting to do anything else.

Tune in next time to see what damage the storm left behind!